Doughboys - Kopp's Frozen Custard with Marisa Pinson (LIVE)
Episode Date: August 18, 2022Marisa Pinson (Angie Tribeca, Don't Trust The B-) joins the 'boys to discuss Mitch's stomach ache and The Fonz before a review of Kopp's Frozen Custard. Plus, another edition of Drank or Stank. Record...ed live at Turner Hall Ballroom in Milwaukee 8/5/22.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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description.
The largest number of Germans outside of Germany reside in the United States.
And the states these airsots crowds clustered in are concentrated in the Midwest. Wisconsin
has the third largest proportion of German Americans among U.S. states, and some estimates put the
proportion of greater Milwaukee residents with German heritage at 60 percent. To outsiders,
this Rhineland influence is most evident in Milwaukee's heroic production and consumption of beer.
It is Brew City after all, but it is also Cream City.
And the German connection has been essential in making that cream dream a reality.
In fact, the triumvirate of beloved Milwaukee frozen custard shops, lians,
guillesses, whose name is often adorably mispronounced by locals as guillies,
and a small chain named for its founder all have shared German DNA and a shared business history.
In the 1940s, Leon Schneider was working at guillesses frozen custard when he has to plan
to open his own shop, Leon's frozen custard. In the process, Schneider took on a protege,
a German American immigrant with the maiden name Elsa Moll, who also received a hand from
the German American founder of the Milky Way Custard Shop, Art Richter. After mastering the
technique, Elsa went into business on her own in 1950, pioneering such concepts as flavor of the
day, a tradition that continues over 70 years later. Today, Elsa's frozen custard business,
which also serves classic hot grill items alongside its vast and ever-rotating array of dairy delights,
remains a localized operation, with a trio of family-owned outlets in the greater Milwaukee
area. But are these sweet treats such delectable eats that us non-German, non-Milwaukeean dairy
dudes will declare Schmecktgut, i.e. taste good? This week on Doughboys, cops frozen custard.
Thank you.
Thank you. Wow.
Wow. Thank you all so much for being here. How you doing, Milwaukee?
Whoa. All right. All right. Hot crowd. I love it. We have a really, really fun show for you tonight.
Hopefully, that will match your energy. But first, let me introduce my co-host.
This week's show is from At the Real Ted Talk. Please welcome the peak freak,
the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell.
What's up, Milwaukee?
Representing the 2022 Easton Conference Champions.
Mitch is trolling. Give it to me, baby. With his Boston Celtics hat, very, very proud that his team
took seven games to defeat the Bucks with an injured Chris Middleton. Very congratulations.
Long walk to get out here to the table. Yeah, a little bit of a haul. Yeah, a little bit of a haul.
I mean, you ought to just want to get called for a travel, but still...
Oh, what? This how it's going to go? I like this city.
You came out with troll energy. You didn't have to do that. I got troll energy, baby. Oh, Mitch.
No. Give me some rocks. I want to chew on them. Troll energy. Don't hit me with riddles three.
Just be you. Have fun. I want to shout out a... I couldn't think of a single riddle.
What's black and white and red all over? That's all I knew.
I don't think that works with kids anymore. It doesn't work, no. Because I don't know what
newspapers are. Here's another thing that doesn't work. Financial Analysts is dead,
those little kids. Yeah. Another bit that doesn't work anymore is the banana as a phone.
Like, hello, because phones don't look like that anymore. They look like a Hershey's bar.
I love that you try this with children in bomb. Baffled. They're confused. The women in the waiting
room are like, stay away from my kids. So the... I want to shout out real quick, Garrett Schumann.
Wait, you were doing to newborns? Yeah. All right. I think I see the issue.
I want to shout out Garrett Schumann real quick, who composed that sound-alike theme song that we
used under my intro. Very, very... A nice simulacrum of the Last of the Mohicans theme,
which we used to use. We had a public domain theme that we used for many years.
People did not like it. Garrett stepped in and composed that on his own. So thank you, Garrett.
We got a lot to talk about. We got a lot to discuss. But we should start with,
I had a surprise for you today. You sure did.
We were at the restaurant we're talking about today, cops. We can say it.
Yeah, we can say it. People know it. Turns out not all cops are bad.
There's one I like quite a bit.
Oh, boy. I just thought of that on the spot. I'm happy with myself.
Clapping when we were coming up with one joke on the spot.
This had been planned for a long time, Nick. I had planned this out with your dad.
Yes. Something I had planned out. I told you that we were texting a lot.
It didn't surprise you in any way. You kind of just rolled your eyes. I know you didn't care.
We were trying to plan something for them to come and surprise you.
Yes. And then we did it today.
It happened. They pulled up to cops. They said hello to you.
And you're like, Hey, buddies.
And they're here tonight. Mr. Here. Hi, mom. Hi, dad.
The audience tonight. Wave to the people unless you're afraid of them, which I would be.
Yeah. Don't actually maybe don't dox yourself.
Yeah. Don't dox yourself. They're here somewhere.
They'll be swarmed by freaks. Maybe they walked out. You got a couple of walkouts.
I get a selfie with Nick's parents. It was very cool. It's really exciting. They're really cool.
I'm going to send them packages. I asked for their address so I could get like,
visit and say hi. I made yarn dolls out of them. I'm going to send them a package.
That's nice. I was so it was a lovely, it was a lovely gesture,
lovely to see by Paris. I was so con, I was just so disoriented because here's what,
here's what, first off, you said you had a surprise for me tonight. So on my head, I'm like,
okay, I don't know. You got like a fucking cameo from Kareem or something like that.
I don't know what it is. But my surprise are usually cameo based.
Usually cameos. Who's a famous Milwaukee and, but, but no, it happened at the restaurant.
And then it's my parents. And then at this point, we've already like run into a few
Doe Boys fans, which often happens at these. Those of you who we met there had a nice,
nice conversation. So I see two more people approach me.
And I'm just two more people approach you. Hold on. Hold on. Okay.
Two more people approach me. This is my parents. They're, they're having a laugh.
This is great. It was really good. They were wearing groucho glasses.
So first off, I thought there was some sort of like frozen custard heist going on.
Like that's just a regular like sort of operation in Milwaukee.
It's a, but then I'm like, Oh, it's my parents. They're, they're having a laugh.
They're pulling a little prank on me. So it's so disorient. I felt like it was in a dream.
I was like, And what is going on here? Why are they here?
What, why are they like what's, and then, and then I added it all up and it was like,
Oh, it was nice to see them. I don't know. It's weird. It's a fucking weird thing.
What do you want from me? I was disoriented.
My favorite thing is that all three of you at one point, this truly, I was like,
my heart was swelling, probably some small heart attack.
The three of you talked trains at one point. We had a nice conversation.
There was train talk was happening and all Amtrak station in Milwaukee. Yeah.
I think it would be a little more robust. Great people. Your mom and dad are awesome people.
And they're here. So they're here. Thanks for coming mom, dad, making the hall.
On that note, Mitch, while we're talking about my parents, you know, my, my mom,
a wonderful woman, RN, RN for many years, and then also raised me, which is the hardest job of all.
And yes, even more onerous and more crying involved in pain and heavy lifting and diaper
changing. So for years, for years, but by sheer coincidence, it is my mom's birthday tomorrow.
Yeah, Nick.
So if you guys will indulge, I thought we'd sing happy birthday to my mom. Now here's the thing.
Let's, let's settle on and happy birthday dear Carrie. Her first name is Carrie,
Carrie Weigel center. Let's all happy birthday dear Carrie. So people aren't saying Nick's mom,
happy birthday, Mrs. Burger Boy, happy birthday, Mrs. Weigel. Just say Carrie. We're going to
settle on Carrie. And then let's get into it. Here we go. Three, two, one. Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear mommy.
Happy birthday to you.
HBD Bob.
That's so nice. Speaking of Carrie, the lights were flashing. I thought we were having a,
they're all going to laugh at you moment up here.
Scared me.
I dumped pig's blood on you.
Our guest was saying that this place is definitely haunted and I agree.
What this, the, the, the Turner ballroom. Yes. It's haunted. It's gotta be.
Just because of how it looks, just because of the vibe. It feels haunted.
Big ghost energies coming off this thing. You don't think so?
It's old. No, it's not haunted. It's haunted. I don't, I don't think this is haunted. This place,
this is, this feels like cool. This feels like it's staff. Is it haunted?
He said so-so. All right. And the staff is saying haunted.
That to me. So-so is haunted. No, he's trying to placate you. He's like,
I feel like one or two ghosts. Yeah.
It's enough. That's a haunting.
I guess more, I guess more than zero ghosts constitutes a haunting. Yes.
Any amount of ghosts. Yeah. You gotta be so-so. That's a haunting.
Yeah. Ghost showed up once and was like, I was gone. And then he like disappeared.
It's like in 1947. It's still haunted.
He just described you where it goes.
Hey buddy. Hey, how's it going? He went away forever.
I'm watching you coming to your hair in the mirror for a minute. Okay, bye.
So on the way here, Mitch, we had a whole travel odyssey. I do want to introduce our
guests when we talk about that, but I will talk about one thing that happened to me.
This happened to me at LAX. TSA, after I went through security, I got a little
beep for a bonus search and they're like, your phone's been flagged. We need to search your phone.
Which- No problem. Let me just wipe it for a second.
Yeah. They just saw Nick Weigar on the boarding pass. They're like, yeah, search this guy's phone.
So the TSA agent takes my phone. I hand it over to them and he does some little,
whatever, takes it aside for a second, younger guy, and then he comes back laughing at me.
It was a holding pen with you, Jared Fogle, the guy from The Who.
I was writing a book, I was. What a weird defense. He's researching a book.
I feel like that's even so obscure. I don't know if people know it, but-
That was his excuse. Yeah.
Which- You know what? I'm giving it to him. It was for a book. It's A-OK.
So, yeah, no, like he takes my phone aside. He does whatever he does with it.
Fucking whatever. What are you going to do? And he comes back, younger guy, and he's like
laughing and he says, what is going on with your phone background? He hands it back to me.
Um, so what is going on with my phone background is that it's, some time ago,
I changed it to a Getty image of Ghislaine Maxwell at Mindy Kaling's book party.
But I didn't, like, think of it in this context.
And it was just, I didn't know what to- I just said, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
And it took my phone back.
Insane. I said to Nick, it's so crazy that she was hanging out with such a psycho.
I don't know how Ghislaine could hang out with Mindy. It's insane.
I'm kidding. Mindy's great. People are mad, uh-oh.
I watch the office every night. I don't give a shit.
That's very, very funny that your background is Ghislaine at a Mindy Kaling book signing.
She was there. I don't know. It was happening.
All right. Check the flight logs.
I was on that plane to research a book. I was.
Oh, remember that one office that shot on Epstein's fucking, the Lolita Express?
Michael gets into the fucking cockpit and messes around.
Anyways, I shouldn't make fun of the office too much.
Beloved show.
Love the office.
Let's, let's get our guests out here.
You have a drop tonight. I got a drop.
Wow. Wow. Got scared. I got Hollywood scared.
Sorry, man. I'm poking at the beehives, man.
What do you want from me, man?
You're bringing people the truth. That's what they actually want.
Even if I can't handle it.
We're truth tellers here.
Here we are. I should remark as you're finding this drop, Mitch.
Mitch is wearing, for people who are listening to this later, a print tiki shirt.
He looks like the number one party animal.
Which I don't feel like we'll get to that in a minute.
It's not COVID part two, but it's bad.
Emma hit him with a little drop.
Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants.
I'm here for my dick.
Oh, fuck you.
Why is, what a drop.
Wow. And you know why?
It was made by the drop king himself.
Come on. Who's here tonight?
Wow. Drop king coming out of retirement.
And you know what? It's his birthday. Happy birthday.
You don't get a drop, king.
You don't get the birthday song. Sorry, buddy.
Hey, Mitch.
Afterwards, he's like, it actually was my birthday.
Oh, fuck. Sorry, dude. We didn't know.
Sorry. We can get, we can get people, we can get it.
Get some, we could find some people outside.
No, it turns out you can't find people outside.
This city goes to bed at fucking 1am. What's the deal?
It was pretty shut down. We got to, we'll talk about it later.
All right, we'll talk when our guest gets out here.
Hey, Mitch and Nick, if everything worked out, I'll be here.
I'll be hearing you read this email from my seat
in the Turner Hall Ballroom in beautiful Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Wow. Love drop king.
Drop king playing to the crowd through the email.
How about that? All right, let's get our guests out here.
We've clearly fizzled out.
We're doing great. This is great.
This is a fucking A plus show.
Very excited to have our guests with us on tour.
A writer and comedian from the Doughboys episodes Sizzler
and Munch Madness, California Pizza Kitchen versus Costco.
Give it up for Marissa Benson.
Well, what an honor to be here in Milwaukee,
or as it's actually pronounced, Mealy-Wa-Kay.
Is that true?
The Alquinian word for the good land.
Is that real?
According to Wayne's World.
From Wayne's World, yeah.
Oh, Wayne's World.
Alice Cooper, right?
Alice Cooper, yeah.
I didn't run into Wayne and Garth here, though,
in my romings around.
Yeah.
They still live here?
I think they still live here.
Is Wayne and Garth still live here?
Aurora, Illinois.
Yeah, wrong city and state.
What do you want from me?
You got Laverne and Shirley, right?
There you go.
Um, Marissa, thank you so much for being here.
The audience cheering for Laverne and Shirley.
You could sense it in their voice too.
They're like, I don't know.
Well, he gets to pop of all time.
70-year-old sitcom.
Yeah, when did that air?
It was the 70s.
So I guess 50-year-old sitcom, sorry.
I guess what's the modern risk?
And the more modern Wisconsin's
reference is probably that 70s show, right?
Do you know the last time we were here,
there was a Bucks game across the street.
That's right.
And people actually came to our show.
I know.
There's no Bucks game across the street,
but they still shouldn't be here.
There's so many better things today.
I cannot believe seeing the crowd of devoted boys for us.
Yes.
Some with cops hats on.
Wow.
Maybe staff from cops or...
The cops we visited today is hiring,
if anybody's looking for a job.
If you're 16 or 17, it pays $13 an hour.
If you're 16 or 17, why are you here?
Please.
I don't think there's any minors here tonight,
hopefully not, at least.
This is an adults-only venue?
You can get raunchy.
We might have to get a little R-rated.
Come.
Oh.
Your parents are the audience.
I'll turn it down.
Last time my parents were in the audience,
we were in San Diego, which is near where they live.
This was years ago.
And we were talking about what kind of show it was.
And I think by minute nine, Mitch,
you'd made some reference.
The show was in December.
You'd made some reference to, like,
sucking off Santa Claus.
Just like, right away.
Okay.
Marissa did a very funny impression of that afterwards,
if you wouldn't mind repeating it for a while.
Yeah.
I was like, once that, you know, that bit came up,
we just riffed on sucking off Santa for about four minutes.
Maybe it was Rudolph sucking off Santa.
No, that's not a carrot, Rudolph.
You know, stuff like that, really funny, high-brow stuff.
And you also did ho-ho-ho-ho.
Oh!
I remember, you just made the nice list!
Yeah.
I was saying, Rudolph's nose glowed white.
We had a lot of stuff going on.
This is good stuff.
Santa's beard turns flesh-colored.
It all drains out.
Jesus.
And this was the material for the parking lot of the hotel.
So think about what you guys are going to get tonight.
Much worse, probably.
Yeah, much worse.
You should have been in that car.
It was great.
It was great.
So there was a bit of a travel odyssey.
Bit of a travel odyssey.
I am, hmm, how do I put this?
I was on the flight last, we had a long travel day yesterday.
I was at the Bob Hope, Hollywood, Burbank airport,
whatever the hell they call it now.
But we flew with, so apparently you can't fly direct to Milwaukee.
Yeah.
Yeah, you can't fly directly here.
From Los Angeles.
So we actually-
There were flights to Aurora, Illinois.
But none directly to Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
So we had to connect in Phoenix, Arizona,
where we ended up having a lengthy layover
because that next flight got substantially delayed.
And then we got in, I mean, so like we ended up,
it was from door to door from when we, well, not even door to door,
from like getting, leaving our place to,
leaving our respective homes to arriving in Milwaukee
and getting off the plane was like 12 hours.
It was like that much travel.
And then we hadn't eaten yet.
And it was like after 11 o'clock or like,
okay, well, we'll find a fucking bar or something.
Kitchen's closed.
Every kitchen's closed.
We went to McDonald's.
We got to McDonald's.
People were out drinking at bars.
Yes.
And I don't know where you guys go to eat after you leave a bar.
What do you do?
What do you do?
Pour beers? That's your answer?
You don't get, you don't eat any food?
Beer is foodier?
Marissa found a George Webb.
Little diner.
There we go.
There's a pop for George Webb.
Maybe we should have dine in.
I thought we could do dine in and then it was like pick up only.
There are a lot of hurdles.
We pulled up to George Webb.
It was an odyssey.
It looks like no one had been in there for 10 years.
Emma said the woman working there, she thought was sleeping.
She had her head on a fryer later.
Being sizzled into oblivion.
We did nothing.
And we were still like, we'll go in.
And so we opened the first door.
Second door just fucking tightly locked.
And you could call a pickup order in from George Webb.
And we said, fuck it, we're going to McDonald's.
But even before that, I was on the flight from Phoenix to Milwaukee.
Tell them where you were sitting, Mitch.
I was in first class.
Tell them where we were sitting.
You guys both got bathroom seats.
And I started to sweat a little bit.
I started to feel a little nauseous.
And let's just say that red eye turned into a brown eye wigs.
Good God.
I am hurting so much.
I got off the plane.
I was just drenched in sweat.
It was two hours of rocking back and forth, trying not to throw up.
And then I got off the plane and I threw up the wrong way.
Threw up through my butt, as they say.
I think that is what they say, yeah.
Can we use a few more minutes on this?
Diagnosis butt barf.
I think is what the doctor said.
And I've been hurting ever since then.
Okay, so typically if you have a stomach ache, what is the home remedy for that?
Maybe have some tea, maybe have some toast.
What did we eat at 2 a.m.?
We had McDonald's.
Two cheeseburger meals for McDonald's.
Marisa gave me Dramamine.
I took some Dramamine.
I've taken some activated charcoal.
It's an all hands on deck approach.
There's a tiny Pepto-Bismol bottle backstage.
Did you bring that in your pants pocket?
It's here.
It's in my pocket.
I haven't successfully taken it yet, which is good.
You can't figure out how to open the bottle.
And he's afraid to ask for help.
I was gnawing on the cap backstage.
Anyways, I was saying this before.
Why is never like before a show have I come into a city feeling like I was going to die?
I think your body is having Pavlovian diarrhea.
No way.
What is about to come?
Marisa did wring a bell backstage and I shit my pants.
I shouldn't have done that.
I don't know why I did.
Anyways, it's been a rough...
I have not seen...
I love Milwaukee as much as I was roasting Yanis.
I do like this city quite a bit.
Nice city.
Where does everyone live?
There's a lot of sausage factories.
Yes.
And there's not a lot of condos.
Where do people live?
Because...
The heck?
Where?
Chicago.
No, it...
Wow.
Easy.
Okay.
Feel free to kick his ass after the show.
Boo, that same place.
We hate it.
Ooh, curse that city that stays up later than we do.
2 a.m.
Is that how it always is or what?
Isn't this your active months?
Yeah, it's a summer.
Two weeks are going to have to hibernate for like eight months.
Enjoy it.
Be outside.
We were at the...
We saw the bridge go.
We were trying to get here.
The bridge went up on us, wise.
David, Mitch was scared of the bridge.
I was afraid I was going to fall through the bridge.
I was sending a lot of pictures to my husband about where I was.
He was...
My husband, David, who's been on the podcast before we did Doughboys after Dark.
Love him.
Same favorite.
He was commenting on how stunning this city is
and how absolutely pristinely clean it is.
It's so clean.
I don't know what kind of programs there are to keep this city absolutely in impeccable shape.
The landscaping, the flowers, the streets are not littered with human shit like they are in LA.
And he was saying like...
Give it a couple of hours.
So you may not stay up late, but you got a lot of stuff figured out right.
You're a really great town.
I do also wonder how much of that is just where we are and where we're...
Like the walk we took from, you know, like I'm sure there are parts of the city that are, you know,
not as...
They're yucky?
Yeah, maybe not as nice or maybe it is all impeccably good.
Why are you trying to figure out the bad parts of the city?
I'm just saying.
They like that.
We like the city.
Oh, no.
It's a lovely city.
I choose some parts so...
That's probably just what we saw.
I'm sure the rest of it's pretty fucking shitty.
It's a lovely city.
Enjoyed walking by the river.
It's lovely.
It's gorgeous.
Yeah.
It's gorgeous.
It's a gorgeous city.
A lot of sausage factories.
I'm not lying.
There are.
Hey, that's not very PC of humans.
Why are you and I waiting in line at the sausage factory?
Both for different reasons.
You're being chewed away with brooms.
Okay.
Speaking of while I was backstage, I had like a weird like, it was like a play.
I was watching out the window down in the alley of the restaurant next door.
There was like a woman in like a German barmaid outfit and she like...
She swung open the back door of the restaurant and like very performatively like slumped down
on a bench and started just sucking on a vape pen.
And I was like, wow, I feel like I'm witnessing.
She was like swiping her brow and just really like she's having the worst day of her life.
And I was like, I feel like I should be charged admission for this show.
It's beautiful.
Isn't that while when you witness like this is like not a moment for me?
Like I was at.
Private for sure.
I was at Panera a couple of weeks ago.
How many moments of these do you have by the way?
And how many moments are you the weird guy that other people are witnessing?
I think that's more often the case.
The whole crowd.
This is not a moment for me.
No, is that a parent?
And it was like, it was like one Panera guys last day.
He's like, yep, moving to Arizona.
And he was like hugging everyone and like, he was just like, oh, we're going to miss you.
And it's like, I normally say stay out of trouble, but I think you need to get in some trouble.
He's like, all right, you know.
And I was like, this is not, I'm not supposed to be seeing this.
Where were you?
Were you in the group of people hugging him?
I give him a slap on the back, said safe travels.
You were the one saying stay out of trouble.
Stay out of trouble, buddy.
I like stuff like that.
I also, that's just such a modern, I thought you were going to say like the beer maid was
like throwing two like Steins of Biro instead.
She's just sucking on an electronic vape.
Yeah, it was, it was, if she was throwing two Steins of Biro,
would you have been in the alley just like slurping out the ground?
I wouldn't, that's a thing I want to do.
I want to go to wood.
You've missed so much of this city because you've been on the toilet.
That's like the biggest shame of all.
I gotta tell you, great sturdy toilets here.
You need sturdy.
I did at the airport, I did sit on the toilet and I was like, and I was like, uh-oh.
I felt the plane dip when you did that.
I felt the plane dip.
If I break a Milwaukee toilet.
Right.
That is bad news because these people are built January 6th thick.
They're big.
There's big guys here.
I love it.
It's true.
Do people call you slim when they like bypass you?
I'm running through people's legs.
Wee, look at me.
I'm a little tiny guy here.
It's great.
Great town.
I do want to talk a little bit because this, you know, the Midwest has, what?
Great town.
It is a great town.
I don't think Weigert likes Milwaukee.
I don't think he likes Milwaukee either.
I'm having a good time.
I'm having fun.
The Midwest is kind of known for, hey, it's got a lot of very, very heavy food.
And I'm curious, first of all, Marissa, have you spent much time in the Midwest?
And secondly, you are someone who I know is not eaten meat for some time.
What do you end up going to in it?
What do you end up going to in it?
Surprise hours, you didn't get food for that.
There was kind of a dead silence.
I'm the least performative vegetarian of all time.
I am so ashamed of being a vegetarian that like, if honestly, if I was pressured,
if somebody made, I would just like eat it just out of embarrassment.
I'm the last person to say like, you should be a vegetarian.
Right, yeah.
Humiliated by it.
Yes.
It's basically for me an excuse for picky eating because
so many times meat is like, it's going to be like the weirdest thing on the plate.
You know, like there's like a bone.
You're like, what part of the animal?
What kind of animal is that?
And so instead of having to like be like, that's yucky.
I don't like it.
I'm just like, I'm a vegetarian.
I will have a plain potato.
I almost think you're too, maybe you should be more picky if you get like a salad
and there's a bone on your plate.
Yeah.
Tell them to get rid of the bone.
Bone and salad.
You were a hundred percent not picky because we saw it yesterday.
You did something a vegetarian never does, which is we went to McDonald's
numb that I've seen and you just got a cheeseburger with no meat.
Yeah.
What's wrong with it?
I thought it ruled.
Yeah.
And if they had put meat on it, I would have probably just like slap the patty off
and thrown in your mouth like a fish at sea world.
I'm clapping my hands.
Yeah.
No, I'm not.
I'm not picky at all.
I'm honestly, I'm having this even as bad as our travel.
They mixed, Mitch texted me from first class and said, I'm going to barf.
This is the truth.
I was going to let Marissa sit in the chair and then I went back and saw the two people sitting next
to you.
I was like, I'm fucking out of here.
I hate high tail to back to my giant ass seat and just fucking bobbed back and forth for two hours.
Yeah.
I'm so glad you're feeling better.
You haven't gotten worse despite the meals that have.
And drinking a cider on stage.
Yes, terrible.
Look, you got to come through.
I took a three hour nap also.
You got to come through on the road, baby.
You got to have a good time.
We're having fun.
I'm having honestly the best two days of my life.
So I'm having a great time.
Is there a cocktail where you pour this into this and drink that?
Is that like a Milwaukee special like Pepto insider?
Stop clapping.
I will not do that.
It's called like the river walk or something.
I saw the bronze fawns today.
I could not find this dang fawns.
I was there must have been a road closed.
I wandered around for 30 minutes just looking for the fawns.
It's a it's a bronze statue of the fawns from happy days.
Is happy days takes place here?
Really?
The apparently I believe one of the locations that we of cops was formerly was formerly a diner.
Are the sharks in the lake?
Are there sharks in the lake?
And then we can move on.
Easy, easy, easy, easy.
Yeah, yes.
Yes, there were.
This is terrifying.
They had to lift up the bridge so it's big fin can go by.
Don't mention the bridge.
Mitch is still trembling.
He thinks it can't support his weight.
I believe this is true.
If it's not cops, it's maybe another chain, another custard chain.
But one of them, the site that it used to be was a diner.
And then that diner was the inspiration for Arnold's and happy days.
Really?
Leon's.
It's Leon's.
Okay, thank you very much.
Wow, Leon's.
Oh, thank you.
Ron Howard, first row.
Give us the answer.
He's a huge Doughboyz fan.
Leon's was the I did.
Leon's.
Do they ever show?
Do they ever show males?
It's called males, right?
I think it's Arnold's.
Oh, isn't it?
I don't know.
I didn't pay attention to what you were saying clearly.
Or is Arnold the manager?
And it's Arnold's.
Is it Arnold's?
I haven't seen this shit.
Ron, is it Arnold's?
He doesn't know.
Ron doesn't know.
So long as it is.
He's sucked, Ron.
They've never, is there episodes of happy day where it's like frigid cold?
That's what I'm.
Because it's free.
There must be.
It's freezing here.
Do you guys know that Mork and Mindy is a spin-off of happy days?
Yes.
I love that.
So Mork visited happy days.
That's right.
Yeah.
It's like a one-off character as a backdoor pilot.
Yeah.
Wow.
Back then, just really anything went as far as TV goes.
Yeah.
That's great.
I mean, we're, they're at a live show for a podcast.
That sucks.
Yes.
The bar for entertainment is still pretty low.
It's true.
That I didn't, I didn't know about this.
Bronze or golds, fawns.
Bronze, fawns.
The bronze, fawns.
What was it like?
It was sensational.
It was a life-size replica of Henry Winkler going like this.
And it's completely bronze.
I took a picture of it and sent it to my mom.
Fucking rules.
I've met Henry Winkler.
Whoa.
Me too.
Whoa.
Lovely man.
Great guy, honestly.
And I've said like so fucking nice.
Wow.
He did a, he was, he was on, I think it was Comedy Bang Bang.
It was on Comedy Bang Bang when I was working on it.
And he came over and the writers had Chipotle for lunch.
And he's like, oh, you guys got Chipotle.
Oh, I wish I got in on that order.
I'd eat some Chipotle.
That's a great fawn.
It was just like a mayor of lunch immediately.
You're like, hey, the fawns, watch Chipotle.
We love them.
I had Thanksgiving dinner with fawns.
Wow.
Wow.
Okay.
This is now a, this story podcast.
It was a, it was a very special episode of happy days.
They were trying to spin off a pilot with me into the war.
And I did, I had Thanksgiving with fawns.
Okay.
Tell me what was his plate?
He had, you know, he had little bits of everything on his plate.
It was a good spread.
He did, he had some mashed potatoes, some turkey.
Wouldn't it be funny if you ate it really weird,
like all cranberry sauce and then like little bits of pie sprinkled on?
And that's how we always thought it was.
And no one corrected him because he's a celebrity.
The fawns?
Yeah.
I'd probably copy him if I saw that.
No, he was a very extremely nice man.
I also met him as a page at CBS.
I held the door for him and he was very nice.
Wow.
Yeah.
Thanksgiving dinner was just the two of you, didn't you interfere?
One on one.
We both are pretty cool guys and we play cool characters.
The Spoon Man in the box.
Hey.
You should bronze me, bronze me, put me on a,
put me on a, make a little Spoon Man statue.
A bronze Spoon Man?
A bronze Spoon Man.
Hell, dip me in bronze.
Leave me here.
I don't give a shit.
The bronze is starting to crack, being filled with diarrhea.
The bronze is turning brown.
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You're going to Costa Rica.
That's right.
Why?
So I'm going to Costa Rica with the family.
It's going to be a lot of fun.
Going to maybe see a monkey.
Oh, that's fun.
Going to maybe see a bird.
Just that.
Just a one monkey, one bird.
That's it.
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Language for life.
Let's talk about cops frozen custard,
because ostensibly, that's why we're here.
Now, look, you guys yelled at us for years to go to Culver's.
And we did.
We did.
And Culver's remains one of my favorite places
I've ever gone on Doughboys to.
It's great.
It's fantastic.
I love Culver's.
Fun memories of Culver's.
Wish we had time to go back.
It's really, really good.
Really, really good.
So cops, similar levels of hype.
Honestly, Culver's had been hyped for many years.
Cops, similarly.
People were like, you got to do cops next.
Come back to Milwaukee.
Do cops.
And we fucking did it.
Founded by Elsa Copp in 1950.
And I mentioned that the flavor of the day concept
was pioneered in the 1960s.
Friend of the Pod, Emma Roller, said there was a cops electronic
billboard that used to show the flavor of the day.
Do you guys remember that?
Yes, yeah.
I guess it's been retired.
Also, her and her husband, Justin, had cops cater their wedding.
It's fucking alpha.
Oh, wow, that's cool.
That rules.
Wait a minute.
There was an electronic billboard out front today
that just showed the flavors.
But that was not like, I guess it was one on the highway.
It was like the National Debt Clock.
But for like, Milwaukee.
Saying what the cops flavor was.
Did they have to get rid of it because people were like
swerving on that naked off ramp.
Jeremy Sue, go!
Flavor they know flavor today.
People driving off the bridge.
End it all.
Also on the highway.
On the highway, yeah.
I'm telling you, this is the greatest city on earth.
I love it.
We went to the Glendale location, which does have that sign outside.
Is that a good one?
Is that a good, a good cop?
I think people say the Glendale ones is a good one.
Is it good cops?
I think it's a good cops.
Do you guys love cops?
We love cops, chant it.
We love cops.
Come on.
Weird, they're not chanting it.
All right, well, I guess it doesn't deserve the Golden Play Club.
Bitch, you and that shirt has such undercover cop vibes.
I like this cop Sunday.
It's pretty good.
You ever try it, buddy?
Yeah.
You teens know where I can score some marijuana?
You teens know where I can score some marijuana?
I'm not an undercover cop.
Who here?
I got a question for you.
This is what's eating at me.
Does anyone like cops more than culvers?
Few people do.
Okay.
Interesting.
Trash time.
Wow.
Very interesting.
Well, it's certainly more dessert focused than culvers, right?
Culvers has a much more extensive savory side of the menu.
Not that they don't have savory foods here,
but here the dessert is the star.
That's the reason people are going for it.
Those people are wrong, by the way, just to be clear.
They're wrong.
Culvers is better than cops.
The location...
The location for people who aren't there, like, I was just...
I wasn't sure what to expect.
I thought it might look like a fast food restaurant,
but this particular location really didn't.
It just looked like it was like a weird octagonal building
that looked like it could have been a library or city hall or something like that.
Not a single chair in the entire established room.
No.
That was like outside there were little concrete benches, but no chairs.
So was that a thing like the owner's mom was killed by a chair,
and so they're like, no chairs in cops.
Everyone's like, okay, we'll stand here.
Sure, no problem.
I hear that most Milwaukee libraries also do serve ice cream.
All custard, sorry.
And that was the day Mitch considered reading a book.
Mitch, your joke was inaccurate.
Can you yell that from the audience?
It's not ice cream.
It's like ice cream, but it melts much faster.
That's a higher yoke content.
It melts fast, right?
It does melt a little faster.
It melts fast.
It does melt a little faster, but I mean, I like the texture.
I think that's part of it.
It was a hot day, and the texture is very smooth.
Not that hot of a day.
You were dripping in sweat from your stomach distress.
You were soaked.
There was a reason for that.
Like you had been a rainstorm.
A bunch of chute on a little custard myself.
Another feature of this location, Mitch, that you pointed out,
is that there are a bunch of cow statues in the background.
A council of cows.
A council.
It looks like a bunch of cow sages just sort of watching over the parking lot.
It makes me feel like they bring the live cows there to be judged by the...
Yes.
He doesn't pass the cops test.
There's a plaque underneath one of the cows that I took a photo of,
and it reads as follows.
Cops cows come from Germany,
where children are obedient and stay off the cows.
What the hell?
Uh-oh.
No.
The Germans had some things right.
I just think of someone owning and operating a custard shop
for half a century and never once smiling.
Off the cows!
But driving around, I did see a lot of kids on cows here.
That's true.
And not obedient.
Let's talk a little bit about our food.
Let's start with the savory side,
because I think the star of the show is the sweet treats.
So I went ahead and I got myself a buffalo chicken sandwich.
Their sandwiches are grilled.
This was a recommendation.
Marissa, you got a grilled cheese,
and then Mitchie, you got yourself a cheeseburger with the works.
That's right.
We also got some...
Run it through the garden, except no vegetables at all.
We also got some onion rings and fries.
You know, hey, there were solid rings.
There were solid fries.
I mean, I think their fry work was on point.
I could have used maybe a little bit more seasoning,
but I thought they were very solid.
The onion rings came very hyped.
I love the onion rings.
I thought they were good.
I thought they were good.
I thought they were good.
I didn't think they were the best onion rings I ever had.
You know why they were great?
They had that crumbly onion ring coating.
Sometimes it's almost like funnel cake batter on an onion ring.
You take one bite, and then the whole onion slips out,
like a squid tentacle.
It's just flapping all over the place.
These had a perfect...
Flapping around?
It is.
It had a perfect crispy crunch.
And I normally need a dip.
I like ranch dressing.
I normally need a dip for onion rings.
This, we had no dips.
I don't know if that was an oversight or maybe a misunderstanding.
We didn't order ketchup, and they didn't give us any ketchup.
They didn't give us ketchup, yeah.
But I didn't need it.
I didn't need it for the rings.
Our McDonald's fries last night,
just because that was the most recent fries I'd had,
were pretty terrible.
They were bad McDonald's fries.
So these were so good.
Like, you know, they were like, compared to that especially,
they were exactly what you wanted a fry to be.
Yeah, no, they're solid fries.
I heard after the fact, from the Dose Squad,
that toppers, toppers is open really late.
Toppers pizza.
Toppers.
Toppers pizza.
But how late?
Do you mean like, 11-59?
Toppers sucks, wow.
I looked online last night when I was told,
and it was said it was 3.30, and one place was still open.
It was open till 4.
So...
Stop yelling your toppers' opinions.
It's fine.
We'll come back and do toppers.
Yeah, we'll do toppers.
Now we're locked into toppers.
What do you want?
We're talking about cops.
They don't want you to come back.
That's what they're saying.
We want cops.
We're talking about cops.
We're talking about cops.
This is the toppers episode.
So I thought the Buffalo Chicken Sandwich was, you know,
hey, it was a lot of bun.
It was just very, very bunny.
It was...
The bun kind of envelops it like a bow.
It was just like it's mostly like...
I feel like mostly bun...
How bunny was it, Nick?
It was so bunny that Elmer Fudd is chasing around with a shotgun.
Wow.
That's pretty bunny.
That is bunny.
Show is humiliating.
Your mom just got up and left.
It's yelling to your dad.
It's my birthday.
I don't want to be here.
How bunny is it?
We raised this child.
They paid for you to go to college.
And look at what you're doing now.
I know.
Unreal.
No, but it was good.
I thought like the Buffalo Seed...
I love that buffalo slathered in buffalo sauce.
And some mayo on there.
It was nice and...
I think there was ranch on there.
Well, it was a ranch.
Well, look, I tried to have a bite of yours.
It was gone.
Yeah, I didn't realize you hadn't had a bite and I finished it.
I hadn't had a bite.
Nick finished it.
But then we did round two.
He did.
We did order another buffalo chicken sandwich.
So I did get...
I got a buffalo chicken sandwich because I want to try it.
And this was...
Mitch was like, you know,
because my stomach's been really messed up.
He's like, I'm not going to eat.
He's like, I think I'm just going to have like a little bite of this
and a little bite of that.
And he's like, you finished your sandwich?
I'm still hungry.
I'm like, Mitch, for the love of God, stop eating.
You have diarrhea.
Stop.
I can't stop, man.
I can't stop it.
You ordered a second spicy buffalo sandwich.
Yeah, you didn't need to do that.
Marissa, once the tour starts, that switch is flipped.
I can't go back.
Oh, boy.
But just spun his hat around.
Turned to an eating machine for a few days.
Talking about getting pizza.
Oh, fuck.
We're going to drive to Detroit tomorrow.
Jesus Christ.
That'll be fine.
We're going to be fine.
We're going to be in the car together for seven hours,
and we're going to have to pull over every like 40 minutes
for Mitch to like shit on the side of the road.
I don't know what we're going to do.
Which you brought up that you're like,
you brought up like there's like cameras in cars
so you can back up and they're like,
and I thought this was a great point.
Great idea.
You brought up how there is no toilets in cars.
I cannot believe that we have a self-driving car
before we have a car with a toilet.
And I've already thought it out
because you'll say like, well, where would it go?
Okay, I've already thought it out.
The seat retracts to make way for a vessel
that I think is lined with plastic
to be disposed of kind of like single use.
Single use.
Mitch thinks it should be emptied at a local filling station.
I think it should be emptied.
I think like you pull into the gas station,
you fill up on gas and then also something comes up
from the ground.
It's like, and then you're like, you,
what is that called when the two things hook together?
You know what I'm talking about?
When the two prong.
Docking.
Docking.
Yes.
You dock your car and then all of it shoots out
into a containment center in the bottom.
Right.
Yes.
That's what I think should happen.
It just seems insane that in this era,
like if you have to like pee or poop while you're driving,
you have to like find a bathroom somewhere.
Like that just feels so antiquated with where we're at.
As a people, I think James Webb, I don't care.
I don't care about the pictures.
It's of no interest to me.
I have about an hour on NASA's waste of money.
We have enough problems here on earth,
like cars without toilets.
And you know, this is the hill I'll die on.
I'm sorry.
I was just saying that the only downside would be
if you got into a car accident,
it was just an explosion of brown.
Yeah.
Oh no, it's the Dave Matthews tour bus.
That is fucking, that is sick.
That's a fucking low blow.
Love Dave Matthews band.
Just saw him in New Hampshire.
Great band.
Yeah.
Not their fault.
And hey, you know what?
They put that shit in the right spot,
if you ask me, all over a bunch of Chicagoans.
Only thing that stinks more than Dave Matthews shit
is a fucking Chicagoan.
Wow.
The place we canceled on doing a show at.
We'll be back.
We love you, Chicago.
We'll be back soon.
We love you, Chicago.
We'll be back.
Yeah, I mean, I like my buffalo chicken sandwich.
Bitch, how did that burger treat you?
Sorry.
The uh, uh oh.
You all right?
Yeah, no, I'm fine.
I didn't realize you were chugging
when I was asked that question.
I apologize.
I'm chugging.
My stomach is hurt, so I did a quick chug.
Yeah.
Good move.
The burger was tasty.
I actually preferred the buffalo chicken sandwich
to the burger.
I, I, I liked the burger.
Don't get me wrong.
The burger was good, but you know what I loved
about that buffalo chicken sandwich?
There's little pieces of celery in there.
It was nice, real nice.
They chopped up some celery.
They put them there with the blue cheese slash ranch
combo, whatever the hell it is.
I didn't know what, there's just a white sauce.
A white sauce.
All right, you're in.
Say no more.
Whatever, whatever white sauce it is you're in.
I, I, it was, it was, I thought it was quite tasty.
The burger was good too.
I don't know if I went, I just told them everything on it.
And did they maybe put barbecue sauce on there?
It was, it was quite a lot.
I don't, I don't know what can test for everything,
but it was, it was tasty.
You had a bite of it.
No, I didn't.
You didn't have a bite of it.
No, I told you, I didn't.
The hell I'm the only one who ate it.
Yeah.
We're, Marissa is vegetarian.
So I ate the whole thing.
You ate an entire burger.
Yeah.
And then you got a buffalo chicken sandwich.
You ate all of that.
I didn't eat all of the buffalo chicken sandwich.
There's still some in the bag somewhere.
I thought it was pretty good, but Nick,
let's get to the custards.
Real quick, Marissa, what did you think of that grilled cheese?
The grilled cheese was fantastic.
Looked great.
I have kind of an anti-
I had a bite of the grilled cheese too.
Yeah, yeah.
Jesus Christ, bitch, for the love of God, have ginger tea.
It was everything I want from a grilled cheese.
I'm very simple with grilled cheese.
I don't like tomatoes or vegetables or avocado on a grilled cheese.
This was generous, maybe two slices of American cheese
on a very well-toasted, thick slices of maybe sourdough.
I don't know, but it was perfectly crisp.
I liked the crust.
That was a 10 out of 10 for me.
Wow.
I'll say this.
I thought my cheeseburger was like a perfect
like ice cream stand cheeseburger.
I liked it.
Like if I was a kid and coming to cops, I would love it.
It's a great summer food and ice cream place.
I love the concept of the place.
It's got a lot of sweet treats.
And then also has hot food.
I mean, Dairy Queen is the big national concept.
The one we have out in the West Coast is Foster's Freeze,
which is really like always a fucking treat to go there.
I love going to Foster's Freeze.
But the food side at Dairy Queen, this blows it out of the water.
100 percent.
Now, the food side is definitely better here.
And that's also where Culver shines,
but they have a very extensive sweet treat menu here.
I guess let's start with a Sunday's.
We got ourselves a turtle Sunday.
We also got the cops special.
There's a lot going on in that cops special.
Maybe too much going on in the cops special.
People like the cops special?
Marissa, it has fruit in it.
Yeah, I know.
There's fresh fruit in this Sunday.
They are not interested.
The only fruit I've eaten today was in the context of a cops special Sunday.
Is that where most of your produce goes, is the cops?
For the cops special Sunday?
I don't think I've seen...
Do they serve that at school lunches?
Technically, it's a well-balanced meal.
It has protein, fiber from the fruit.
Yeah, like how Reagan made ketchup a vegetable.
It's the same principle.
I was in the green room with the bananas up there.
I was like, is this a chiquita?
And then on it, there were little stickers said cops.
They grow bananas.
I wanted to get the turtle really bad.
And then the person that registered told us that the turtle was one of the favorites.
So we did the cops special and the turtle.
Well, look, when you call something, hey, this is the cops special, our place is cops,
I'm going to order it because I want to see like, hey, what do you call your special?
And so maybe it's just like a thing that was popular in the 50s and maybe it feels a little
dated now.
I thought it was still nice.
It just had a lot going on.
The turtle Sunday was a little chocolatey for me, but a well-executed chocolate Sunday.
This was a testament to the type of food that we've been eating.
I saw the pecans and my first thought was like, oh, this is pretty healthy.
It's got like nuts on it.
It's like basically granola.
Yes, I did love the pecans.
I thought that a little bit of crunch was delightful.
I thought they were both good Sundays.
I thought they were both good.
I think that just the plain old custard maybe topped it.
That's my thing.
Top of the cop.
Like we were having these basic flavors, well, basic flavors.
We'll get into it because like, oh man, there were people online who were like,
those boys need to get the tiramisu.
They don't get the tiramisu.
And they don't get the tiramisu.
I'm going to walk out.
I'm going to leave the, I'm going to leave an estuary.
I'm going to stay subscribed to the Patreon,
but I'm going to get a refund for the live show on principle.
My girlfriend's mad at me because I keep crying,
but I keep crying because I think about the dough boys not getting the tiramisu.
We'll get it.
We got the tiramisu.
We went today because tiramisu was the flavor of the day.
We went and also the other one, Cohen head.
And you know what?
They were both fucking great.
They were delicious.
You know what?
I like the cone head more than the tiramisu.
I like the cone head more than the tiramisu.
I like the tiramisu, but the cone head was great.
A little cone pieces.
It was delightful.
It was fucking great.
And is it called Cohen heads?
Cohen head.
Yeah, who's Cohen?
Why?
What is that?
I imagine a guy named Cohen was involved.
No one knows the answer.
It sounds like cone.
I imagine, you know.
Yeah, that's sensational.
Oh, and the little wafery triangles.
Yeah, they give you a little wafer ox.
A little wafer things.
Really into those triangles.
I really liked those.
Yeah, those triangles were very good.
You guys got those too, right?
We didn't eat fucking cardboard?
Yeah, you could eat the bag.
I love that you could eat the bag.
Delicious edible bag.
Napkins, the straws, very eco-friendly here.
We also got a just a straight up chocolate.
Because you were like, you guys got a chocolate.
Emma ordered a chocolate.
Emma ordered a chocolate.
I think she ordered that for herself.
And then Mitch is licking his lips, salivating.
Like he hasn't eaten in a month.
On the Dope Boys tour, nothing's just for you.
She's gone.
I looked, oh no, there she's there.
Hi, Emma.
Give it up for Emma.
Emma rules.
We love Emma.
Such a pro.
I'm going to tell you something.
Maybe they'll be mad at me.
My favorite, and you know what?
My, my, my, my, hmm, hmm.
Shit, it was daytime.
I was going to say bye to the night.
I don't know what to say.
They'll say bye to the night.
The show's a night.
Lick of the, lick of the.
Lick of the trip.
Lick of the trip.
My taste of the.
Yum of the sun.
Yum of the sun.
No.
Lick of the.
Flavor of the daver.
Flavor of the daver.
Yeah.
Yes.
That's the best one.
Man, I wouldn't blame your mom for walking out now.
I'm close to walking out.
My bite of the night.
Yeah.
My bite of the night was maybe that chocolate custard.
It was really good.
And I was having some of that chocolate custard.
I was like, man, this is like, you know, I'm not a chocolate guy,
but I'd like chocolate.
But like, that's not like, you know, like, hey, I like a fruit of your dessert.
I liked it.
Everybody was like, and I was like, you know what?
I got to get baseline.
I went back in and I ordered a vanilla.
You son of a bitch, man.
I had to do it.
Up to your old tricks.
I had to do it.
So I, you know, look, I fucking wired a wild man.
Of course he goes in and gets a small vanilla.
That's just how I ride.
So I got it.
Look, vanilla is a flavor.
Thank you.
A really good flavor.
And this was a really well executed vanilla.
I mean, I just thought like the texture was silky smooth.
That's what I really liked about it.
And it was just, you know, it was sweet and creamy and adequately vanilla-y.
It was like an old school vanilla.
It wasn't like that modern sort of, like you can see the little vanilla beans in it,
but I loved it.
I thought it was, I thought it was fantastic.
That might have been my flavor of the daver.
Oh no.
That one, like there's something about, they just do the classics well,
and that to me speaks to the quality of their cream.
I think we also got the-
The cream, the cream is, the cream of the crop.
The cream, there is cream of the crop.
Thank you, Marissa.
You're welcome.
The, we also got a watermelon shake, which will season all a custard soda.
Lick for the mick, that's me.
Lick for the mick.
Lick for the mick?
Because you're Irish?
No, I mean, I didn't, you mean it in the Irish slur away.
Oh, okay.
What did you mean it as?
What did you mean it as?
My mom and dad used to call me mixer the trickster.
They did?
Yeah.
What happened the first time they called you that?
They called me mixer the trickster.
What did you do the first time they called you that?
Like what?
Yes.
My dad would be like, mixer the trickster,
because I would always get up to no good.
Like what did you do?
I don't know, like took a coke out of the fridge or something.
Came in late.
You know, things like that.
Yeah.
Mixed through the trickster, they called me mixer the trickster.
All right.
The lick for the mick.
You get the lick for the mick, I get the lick for the nick.
That's me.
Damn it.
You forgot his name was nick.
Forgot your name was nick.
I forget your first name sometimes, your legal first name.
Mixed her.
Mixed her.
I thought though, just to just attach on them,
because we're going insanely long.
We got the watermelon.
Yeah, we are.
We're going, we got the, we got the watermelon.
These freaks will stay here all night.
I know they will, but people work here.
We got the watermelon shake.
We got the watermelon shake.
Yes.
I think that we should.
We got it.
We got a custard, orange custard soda and also a chocolate custard soda.
It was called the orange dream.
Orange dream.
Yes.
Which I don't know what season we're at.
That one wasn't orange dream.
That was maybe my tip of the trip.
Fantastic.
Until Marissa, when we did the double order.
Yeah.
So there were a few rounds.
We thought we ordered like $60 worth of food and somehow it wasn't enough.
No.
Went back for seconds.
I thought we were like in a bar scenario where you're like,
oh, you get first round.
I'll get second round.
We'll keep going.
So we had to do a little re-up.
I saw a little sign on the wall about the chocolate soda.
And I had to see what that was all about.
And that was a, maybe like a little sleeper, sleeper hit.
It was a sleeper hit.
We didn't know what to expect.
And that might have been my sip of the trip.
Wow.
That was a great sip.
Yeah.
That and the orange dream were really, really great.
But Marissa, what did you think?
People online were speculating that you would like the watermelon shake.
Did you like the watermelon shake?
I did like it.
But I think there's like a, I don't know.
I think like watermelon dessert for me, it's,
watermelon's so refreshing that I kind of honestly think of it
in a different context than like this is a sweet treat like after.
That is refreshing for Milwaukee, like a cup of cream.
Right.
Yes.
They like drink, they like drink it after like a race.
Finish a 10K down a watermelon shake.
I think there is a, I think I'd rather have like a,
like a watermelon like, like a watermelon based cocktail or,
you know, so like, like, like, you know, like a watermelon refresher
or just like some watermelon versus like a watermelon.
Like, like it can start to taste a little bit candy like,
and that's not quite what I want in my, in my ice cream treats.
As a man who has a head as big as a watermelon,
I'm not, I'm not crazy about it.
I like artificial watermelon, which this is kind of this.
Marissa, I believe you said that it was like a watermelon Laffy Taffy boiled down.
Yeah.
I do think that's how they're making it back there.
I didn't get to see the cauldron, but I'm sure it's just filled with individual Laffy Taffys.
But you're sure there's a cauldron back there?
I'm sure.
I thought it was tasty.
It was, it was strange, but it was, I liked it.
It would, maybe it would have been hard to drink a whole like 16 ounce or,
but for like, we were kind of splitting, splitting sips and.
Yeah.
Swapping stomach bugs.
Yes.
Probably not smart.
I'm glad we got to taste it.
I mean, that's just, that's kind of my overall thought.
Like everything, I was like, I had things I like more than other things,
but everything that we had, like I enjoyed and I'm glad we got to taste.
And I guess we should get to our final thoughts on cost.
So Marissa, you've done the podcast before, veteran of the show.
Marissa Pints in everyone.
Very happy to have her.
You guys, you're so sweet.
No, there's some pinbells in the audience.
And we, we wanted to, Marissa, we brought you along.
Very excited to hear your opinion here.
Just to, just to give a refresher, we're going to give a closing argument,
if you will, final thoughts on this chain and give it a score from zero to five
four.
So your guests will begin with you.
Well, I'd like to preface this by saying I'm a huge frozen custard fan.
So I was very excited when offered the opportunity to come on the, on the tour
to try this particular cuisine, because this is something that I enjoy my personal life.
And you know, I had to leave my, my now two children to come on the tour.
That's, I got dumped in again.
Apparently I can't get enough of this stuff.
Actually, this is sad for you because while you're a fan of semen,
but David's getting a vasectomy.
So I know, I know.
That's neither here nor there custard.
Anyway, I was really excited to have custard because yeah, I'm a huge fan.
And it was exactly everything that I wanted it to be.
And I, there were a ton of families there.
Like, and they looked like they had just gotten it back from like a baseball game
or something.
It just seems like the perfect
combination of like nostalgia and then high quality ingredients.
Because sometimes it's just nostalgia and like, you'll like have like a
strawberry shortcake bar, good humor, whatever that you remember being good
when you were a kid and just doesn't hold up.
You can tell that the quality of the ingredients is there.
And sure, it melted a little fast.
It melted fast.
It did melt fast.
We maybe left some dribbles on the steps of the Glendale cops.
So if you see the dribbles, that was us.
Yeah, we thought that, I thought there was bird shit everywhere.
And I was like, no, people are just spilling ice cream or spilling frozen custard all over.
Yeah, it was, it was pretty messy to eat.
So that's maybe my one note.
But to me, that is not enough of a note to deduce a tine.
Wow.
So wait, what's your final score?
My final score will be four and a half forks.
Wow, very good score.
Four forks, two tines.
Quite the rave.
Spoon man, what do you think?
Lager was putting his finger in everything he thought was bird shit and tasting it.
There's got to be some here somewhere.
I was researching a book I was.
King of the callback.
Third beats.
Look, cops is tops.
Wow.
What a turn of phrase.
That is a top.
What was the other place called?
Culvers.
Culvers.
Does it top?
Oh, I forgot, I don't care.
Does it top culvers?
No, it's very, very good.
I like cops.
You can quote me on that one.
I love cops.
It's really good.
Even the watermelon shake was good enough to pour out my Peptobismol and fill up the jar with it.
No wonder you haven't been feeling better.
I like it.
Why is it was like a, it's a very John Mellon campy type of place.
Something on the chin of the nose.
You know, he's.
That's right.
Hmm.
You know.
I mean, is he a bad guy?
I don't know anything about Mellon camp.
He's probably just not from here.
Is he from Aurora?
Sucking on chilly dogs in front of the council of cows.
Cops is very good.
It's not a complete five forker for me.
It's not.
It's not, but it's very, very, very good.
I think that if you, if you, if you're a local and you know the hot food to get,
you go in to get yourself a burger, you go and get yourself a custard or whatever,
you're having a blast.
For me, I kind of liked the plain custards more than I liked the dolled up custards.
Dolled up, whatever.
Make them real sexy for me, sir.
Uh, I had a blast.
I wish we had more time in this city and that this is probably the longest I've
gone without using the bathroom since I've been here.
Um, you mean set like, because you hopped off the toilet and ran to the stage.
So this 90 minutes stretch, this might break a record for this city too.
I'm not sure.
Um, like we've had car toilets for years.
What are you guys talking about?
You have a bucket in the trunk and you, it's a car toilet.
I wish that I wish I could toss on some leader hosin and go out and party all
night in this city because I love it.
And I think tells me you still will.
We'll see what happens.
But I, I, I really love cops.
I think that, I think that if I grew up here, it would be like one of my favorite
spots in the world and being an outsider, I still really, really enjoyed it.
That custard is a plus wise.
I'm going 4.5 forks.
Wow.
Four forks two times.
So it falls to me.
Don't tell me to chug.
They were chanting chug.
You'll kill me.
Damn it.
Unless it's the Pepto.
Don't chant chug at me.
She's hurting.
But I will chug the rest of it.
There's very little left.
At a certain point this morning, I, we hadn't heard from Mitch on the group text.
Me and Marissa and Emma.
What time of day was it?
You say morning.
I think it was.
At a certain time.
Yeah.
It was noon.
It was noon.
And I also took a three hour nap today.
Don't forget.
But I texted Emma, I texted Emma individually and said, I hope Mitch is not dead.
Who's really worried.
And I told Nick told me this and then I heard that and I took a three hour nap.
And I woke up scared that I was dying because you told me that.
I'm fine.
Take care of yourself.
We're gonna be okay.
We're good.
This is the last two tour dates forever.
Oh no.
The look, I, I, here, you've both given it four forks, two times.
So it falls to me as the gatekeeper.
I'm going to determine.
Jesus.
This chain is going into the hallowed halls.
The Golden White Club.
This is when he really gets off on the power.
Boy.
He's getting veiny.
This is why I go last.
I do want to want, once more, shout out out for the pot.
Emma Roller, who is very, an able guide to the city of Milwaukee,
and to Coffs in particular, guiding us towards the Glendale location.
And one quick thing, Tuesday, August 9th is election day here in the city.
So everyone, remember to vote.
I know Emma's been canvassing for Darren Madison out here,
for city council, I believe.
So check him out.
What's that?
State Assembly.
I apologize.
Darren Madison State Assembly.
Check that out.
I was, I was going to say,
I think go vote.
Yeah, I think.
Can't tell with our listeners.
Do it, I guess.
Yeah, we're going to vote.
I like the parts where you talk about come.
And I fast forward through the rest.
This place is fucking great.
I really, really liked it.
I, you know, hey, a place called Coffs Frozen Custard is, in a sense, frozen in time.
It feels like a little blast from the past.
And I love that they kind of still have, you know, the character of an old school place.
I really like that in a local institution.
I will say it felt like every demographic was enjoying Coffs,
which to me speaks to like, okay, this is like a part of the city
and everyone here just like loves this spot.
It's like, you know, older people, younger people, everyone's fucking out,
treating themselves to some frozen custard from cops.
So I understand its status here.
I understand why it is so revered.
But does that meet the threshold for the hallowed halls of the Golden Play Club?
Boy, this is, I didn't see this coming at all.
Will you be a little, are you going,
are you going to be Nickster the Trickster?
No, I'm not.
I'm going to be say, go with what's in my heart,
which right now is a whole bunch of frozen custard.
And also four and a half forks from cops, frozen custard.
Welcome to Golden Play Club.
Oh my God.
Two people in cops hats, just high five.
You make me want to drop it a fork.
Dear Lord.
All right, let's kick his ass after the show.
He's twice, twice as big as you.
Sitting in two seats, high fived himself.
The left side of his body stood up in high five to the other half.
That was our view of cops.
The council of cows are nodding.
There will be no sacrifice to that.
Bowing their heads in approval.
Mercy will be bestowed upon all tonight.
Mitch, when someone is just exceptionally good at what they do,
it could be a waiter, a chef, a doctor, a podcaster.
A podcaster.
You know you're in good hands.
It's like seeing a waiter balance five trays of sizzling fajitas on one arm.
Or a chef running a kitchen so well
that even a professional food podcaster would be left speechless.
You're confident in them.
And when you find the right doctor, you can feel it.
You feel heard and at ease.
On ZocDoc, finding the doctor that's right for you is seamless.
The quality care you need is just a few taps away in the ZocDoc app.
ZocDoc is the only free app that lets you find and book doctors who are patient-reviewed.
Take your insurance, are available when you need them,
and treat almost every condition under the sun.
It's time for a segment.
We got some beverages, and we're going to decide if we should pour them down your throat.
It's Drankers Tank.
Emma is bringing these out.
Hi, Emma.
These are courtesy of friend of the show, Tyler Maz.
Is Tyler here?
Hi, Tyler.
What's up, Tyler?
Tyler did more work than either of us have ever done for the podcast
and typed up a bunch of context for what we're going to be drinking here.
So, here we go.
First up, we got some Sprecker soda.
And we've also got some BrewDogs, some Lakefront My Turn beers,
which I think Mitch is going to try.
And also, we have some of these, and these are,
honestly, these look like abominations, but they look delicious.
These are some State Fair cream puffs for Wisconsin State Fair.
Wow, wow.
This is insane.
So, knowing everything you know about the state of Mitch's bowels,
should he eat this?
Yes.
I mean, don't worry, I will.
It's like a double quarter pounder of whip chopping and pastry.
We got a very nice letter here.
It's too long to read at all, but from Mitch DeSantis,
and then he put in front of these, I really hope I'm not related to Ron.
Mitch, I really hope I'm not related to Ron DeSantis.
Wow.
He doesn't know.
He's afraid to go on Ancestry.com.
But there's, it's a really nice note here.
And we got a couple, we got a couple different beers here too, Wags.
Yes, we got, we got the Lakefront My Turn beers and the Sprecker soda.
I'm going to read the copy for the Sprecker soda, because they have Tyler Moss.
Originally started as a brewery in Milwaukee in the early 1980s.
Sprecker, pronounced Sprecker, but you're right.
Has since moved to the nearby suburb of Glendale, where we got cops,
and added a far more successful line of sodas to its arsenal.
Their sodas are fire-brewed and use honey in place of sugar.
Chris Gethard raved about Sprecker during his Doughboys appearance.
That's right, remember.
Its flagship root beer is a favorite throughout the Midwest,
earning attention from national publications and a slew of awards.
Orange Dream is probably Sprecker's second most popular flavor.
As the name suggests, it's an orange vanilla cream soda.
So is that what we have here?
We have the, the, which Sprecker do we have?
Marissa, by the way, is going to town on this fucking cream puff.
This is the only way to eat this, right?
Yeah.
I finally feel like I fit in here.
I'm covered in cream.
All right, here we go.
You gotta scoop it.
You gotta scoop it.
What the hell?
You gotta take this?
Oh my God.
Don't tell me.
Jesus.
It really looks like it's, it's designed to be eaten in a cheeseburger form factor.
Like it does not look like you're supposed to take it off and scoop.
So I might just take a bite of this bad boy.
Mitch, pass me one of them sodas.
Right, the soda.
Yeah.
I was opening the beer for God's sake.
I know, but we're all having the soda.
The beers are just for you and you don't need to open all the beers.
Yeah, they're just for him.
There's only, there's only two.
So you got to pour it into a cup.
The Sprecker Orange Dream.
We're going to share a little bit of this.
We, Mitch, you had a Sprecker root beer for your beverage.
That's right.
I wasn't going to reveal until now because I knew we were doing Spreckers,
but I at cops, I got myself a Sprecker's root beer as well.
And so I already know that there's a, maybe a drink in our future.
Little cow on the, on the front of these.
That guy's cute.
That's a lot of fun.
A little bell sipping from an orange.
How about that?
I'm pouring.
I've talked into that.
Wow.
I talked into the root beer bottle.
Do you think when you're an old man and you're in like a nursing home,
they're going to give you like a bottle to like talk into,
like to podcast to no one?
The corn today is a little saltier than usual.
Oh boy.
Boy, that's an orange dream.
All right.
That is delicious.
That goes down so smooth.
Thanks for pouring us cups as well.
I thought we were only taking one cup a piece.
Let me pour you some.
All right.
So I'm going to try the Sprecker's root beer,
which I've already tried.
Marissa, you have a cup of it as well.
Here you go.
Here we go.
Wait, do I have two root beers?
Yeah.
You just drank Nix.
Hold on.
This is now Nix.
This is a disaster.
I guess you're right that we should only do,
because I want to try every drink on the table,
but Nix says I can't do that and I take up too much time.
But I want to try everything,
and I think I will get through it all.
Don't worry.
Orange, orange, orange dream is a definite dream,
a definite drink.
That is absolutely delicious.
I love that.
I'm having this root beer right now.
That's in the shake of cups, huh?
Oh, damn.
It's so much less like overly sugary than I was expecting.
Or maybe that's just because I just ate so much sugar
that this tastes like pickle juice by comparison.
But it's very refreshing.
I have not had the cream puff yet, though,
and I agree.
Refreshing, not overly sweet.
I like the carbonation.
Like, doesn't have...
It's not overly carbonated,
which makes sense for this type of soda.
Now, I maybe wish the root beer had a little bit more bite to it,
but I do still like it.
I like the root beer.
It's good.
Good root beer.
It's good root beer.
It's also great for root beer to float,
toss some custard, vanilla custard in there.
Fuck, we got to go back to cops.
We do got to go back to cops.
Want to float now.
This is looking great.
I'm going to eat this cream puff now.
You didn't like I did.
You can't eat it the regular way.
Eat it like I did.
Oh, man, it's already all over my fingers.
Your beard is going to smell like rotten milk for a month.
Fuck.
Oh, my God.
The room is going to rumble like twister from your stomach.
Mitch has a beard and a handful of cream.
Sneak preview of my hotel room later tonight.
Jesus Christ.
Good God.
Sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Weigert.
Happy birthday, mom.
Yesterday marked the beginning of the Wisconsin State Fair.
The fair is without a doubt best known for its cream puffs.
The decadent dessert is loved by some and hated by others,
but it's an undisputed part of summertime in Metro Milwaukee.
During the I feel probably some people are just like it's too much.
During the fair's 11 day run each year,
an average of 400,000 cream puffs are consumed.
I went to the fair yesterday and picked up a six pack for you all to try.
Thank you, Tyler.
I'm going to have I'm going to have some of this now.
And then also.
Bitch, we should talk about you're going to get into those brew dogs, right?
I'm drinking them right now.
And they and I just had this DeSantis Italian grape ale and it's damn good.
It's really good.
Ale brew with honey and Pinot Grigio.
Wow.
Grape juice.
Wow, that's fun.
Yeah, I'll try it.
Get yourself a little cuppy.
There you go.
There you go.
Thank you.
A little sip of that.
Do you want do you want some or no?
No, I'm good.
I'm going to take some of this cream puff.
I'm going to have some of this cream puff right now.
I've only ever had maybe one sip of beer in my life.
So this is my second beer.
Is that true?
Yeah.
Wow.
And I think the first sip was for a photo because that's how funny it would be.
I'm like a margarita gal.
You know, I'm fun.
Well, guess what?
Let's keep it rolling for the rest of the night.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
I'm like a completely different person here.
Oh, man, I'm going to explode like Mr. Creosote.
It's going to happen.
There is something to Doughboy's way of booking that makes sense that we'd bring
someone to Milwaukee who doesn't eat meat and doesn't drink beer.
Yeah.
Yep.
But it's thankfully funnier than both of us.
So we're blessed to have you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
This cream puff is really, I mean, speaking of cream dreams, this cream puff is fucking great.
I mean, this is delightful.
The family friends lived on our block, the Nagasugis.
They would always have cream puffs.
I'd go over there.
The Mrs. Nagasugi would have them.
And I just remember them being so fucking good.
Were there any kids there?
I mean, I was there.
Was you and the mom and dad?
No, they had their son, Casey Nagasugi, my brother's friend.
Fact check.
Mr. and Mrs. Wyger, is this true?
Never heard of them.
They died 40 years ago.
We remember Nick leaving the house for days at a time.
But we didn't know what he was doing.
He was eating cream puffs with the neighbors.
So I've always had a soft spot for cream puffs.
All right.
Hold it.
This is a good execution.
It's a very normal way.
I get cream everywhere.
All right.
Let me read this copy.
I'll ult you, Mitchell Sip.
And we'll just enjoy the silence.
I just had a sip of My Turn Tyler Grand Crewwigs.
Let me read this.
That's good, too.
Damn.
Lakefront Brewery is Milwaukee's largest craft brewery.
In addition to the seasonal and year-round beers it makes,
the 35-year-old brewery also honors its employees a few times
each year with its My Turn series.
If they stick around long enough,
every full-time Lakefront employee, regardless of department,
will have the opportunity to develop any type of beer they'd
like the brewery to make and distribute throughout the region.
That's cool.
Three Lakefront employees who are also big Doe Boys fans, wow,
gave me their My Turn beers for you to try.
My Turn Townie is an Oktoberfest that, to quote Carl Tart, has ass.
Carl coming in, not even being here, getting a laugh.
Biggest laugh of the night.
Speaking of Carl, the My Turn Tyler, no connection to me,
is a Belgian ale take on a grand crew.
Finally, My Turn DeSantis is an Italian grape ale.
The last employee whose first name is Mitch wanted to make it very clear
there's no way related to the governor of Florida,
which explains the handwritten note he included.
Gotta suck to have that last name.
What a bummer.
Great first name, though.
Great first name.
What do you think of those brew dogs?
I'm starting a beautiful mind together, like why everyone here is
350 pounds.
I'm like, oh, it's so many.
Okay, the cream puff times this ale.
Okay, all right, make sense now.
And you can understand why they're not still hungry at 2 a.m.
They're like, aren't you guys starving?
You've been at a bar till two?
More beer.
Drink more beer.
Block, that's really good.
That's so good.
That's so good.
Beers are fantastic.
Drinks all around.
Fuck, you guys, look.
The whole, look.
Milwaukee birthed Chris Farley, my favorite of all time.
Not Milwaukee.
Wisconsin.
Sorry, Wisconsin.
Madison, Wisconsin.
America's Dairyland.
Sounds like we may have to do a show in Madison.
What the fuck's going on?
You're gonna let, you're gonna let Madison Alpha you like that,
Milwaukee.
What the hell's happening?
All right, good.
That's my plan to have them turn on each other before we go.
You slip out the back.
Start a fight with these stop the steel advocates.
Punching each other over Madison versus Milwaukee.
Us leftists can fight as well.
Take that.
The pen is mightier than the sword.
I love, I love trying everything.
What an absolute treat.
What I wanted to like this back.
I got one last one, the calls,
and I think a perfect one to end it on.
My turn, my turn series, The Townie.
The Townie.
The Townie.
I'm gonna take a sip of the Townie.
Have some of that while you're doing that.
Just like a restaurant, buy your feedback.
Let's up to the feedback.
We're gonna take some audience questions.
Emma Erdbrink is out once more, one more time.
Hi, Emma.
So Emma's gonna say.
I'm gonna just quickly say.
I would not pander to these people.
Drinks all around.
Lakefront brewery is fantastic.
Wow.
And Sprechers.
Sprechers is great.
Spreckers?
Spreckers.
Spreckers.
Isn't that Mike Meyers' character from SNL?
No, that's Sprockets.
Sprockets.
Aurora.
Oh, Lord.
All right, Emma, who are we bringing up here
to ask some questions?
All right, I got Justin J, Noah D, and Blake T.
If you wanna come up here and just hang,
I'll hang right here.
If you're too drunk to walk over here,
I'm not gonna put the microphone to your face.
Just a heads up.
All right, so.
So we got the spotlight on the crowd and
their paleness is reflecting the light
back into my small eyes.
There's just a row of cops hats.
What is going on?
It's a room full of cops.
I'm saying this is too intimate.
Well, I got Justin J here.
Hi, Justin.
Hey, how's it going, guys?
It's going great.
How are you doing?
I'm doing good.
So speaking of beer, I work in another brewery
in the city, Mobcraft.
Thank you.
Shout it out one more time.
What is it?
Mobcraft beer.
Mobcraft?
Yes.
Awesome.
Mobcraft beer.
So we specialize in making weird crowdsource beers,
such as the spicy Chicago style dog ale,
key lime pie sour, and a curry kohlsch.
So if you had to create a beer inspired by
one fast food menu item, what sort of beer would you create?
Wow.
Tell us.
Great question.
Also, I'm glad that you did an ad read for us.
Now we don't have to put one on the episode.
Justin, can you give us the real ones again,
just so we have a baseline?
Yes.
So we just had our weird fest and we did
spicy Chicago style hot dog ale.
Got it.
We had a sour, that was a key lime pie sour,
and also my wife, Stephanie, right here,
she suggested a curry kohlsch.
Ooh, that's fun.
A curry kohlsch.
Jesus.
Yeah, I mean, I would drink it.
Yeah.
I drink all of them.
Have you ever not drank in anything?
Peptopismol.
Haven't opened it yet.
It backs me up, so I'm kind of waiting for the last moment.
You guys didn't have to know that, but whatever.
I'm going to say this, we have three cream puffs left.
I feel like everyone who asks a question gets a cream puff
if they want one.
And let's, does Emma want one?
Do you want one, Emma?
No, it's okay.
You can give them one.
Sorry, Emma.
Do you want one?
No, that's okay.
You can give mine away.
No, no, no, it's really okay.
Emma, I didn't eat all mine.
You can try some of mine.
Just so you know, I ate half that burger
and that chicken sandwich earlier.
You didn't eat it all by yourself.
I hit my tooth on the microphone, but it was worth it.
I did that earlier too, don't worry.
All right, great.
So we're, the exercise is fast food item.
The exercise.
You don't want them to run out of the building.
This is the only kind of exercise we do.
You guys actually did, you got on the treadmill, didn't you today?
I did a little bike ride.
Yeah, I did a little gym bike ride.
Just like 20 minutes.
Took a three hour nap.
Also good for your health, so.
Did you put like a picture of a hot dog,
like on the other end of the room,
so you presented you were biking to it?
Picture of, he had the real deal.
Wow, this is a great question.
Oh, I know my answer.
I know my answer.
Oh, it's a boring answer.
That's okay.
Wendy's Frosty.
Fuck, that's really good.
Fuck, that's really good.
Right.
Chocolatey, creamy.
That's better than anything I had.
That's really good.
That's really good.
Fuck, I want one more.
Wendy's Frosty.
Wendy's Frosty.
All right, Jess, do you want a cream puff?
Do you want a cream puff?
Yeah.
All right, let's get the next question.
Have you, Raspberry Lime Ricky Sour would be good.
That's where my mind went.
I'm sure they make those.
Pizzeria Regina Ale.
That would be good.
Moca Frappe.
Moca Frappe, I think a Moca Frappe would be good.
Yeah.
I mean, but this is all my local places.
No one cares.
I think they do care.
How about you beer that up?
Beer up the cream puff.
Yeah, beer the cream puff.
They got a stout, a cream puff stout.
Fuck, that's really good.
All right, this is Noah.
Not Jens Rupp.
Hi, Noah.
Where are you going?
Hi, Noah.
What's up, Noah?
Hi, guys.
We're in a Cubs shirt.
Yeah, came.
Oh, boy.
Thank you.
Sorry, Noah.
First time listener.
Great show.
If you had to legally change your name
to the name of a candy bar,
which one would you pick?
Wow.
Bit of honey.
Oh, that's really good.
Damn, that's so good.
I feel like it's a cop out to say, oh, Henry.
But I do like his short stories.
But I think I'm going to go Abba Zaba.
Abba Zaba Uyghur.
Unless that's problematic.
If that's problematic, I'll go back to Henry.
I don't know.
Should we take a vote?
Let's see what the Milwaukee people think
about this fucking problematic or not.
The only thing problematic
was six million ballots that appeared out of nowhere.
I was like, Jesus.
Dominion voting machines.
My, I'd be Hershey's Mitch.
Like a Hershey's kiss.
Oh, that's cute.
You have to change your name.
I don't think you get to keep the Mitch part.
Oh, shit.
I'll be Hershey's Mitchell.
Why not just be Hershey's kiss?
I'll be a Hershey's kiss.
That is nice.
It might help your love life.
Oh, there you go.
Love life.
Okay.
Twizzlers mini.
Nerds rope.
Thank you, Noah.
This is Blake T.
Blake.
Hey, what's up, Dolores?
My name is Blake.
Once I called Mitch a big old silly goose.
Oh, I remember that one.
My question is, if you had to give up appetizers or dessert,
which would you rather give up forever?
Wow.
Does that include bread?
Yeah.
Bread, basket?
Whatever is an appetizer.
Or a dessert?
You don't need it.
I'm just a Mitch Hedberg character.
Or like nice Jonah Hill.
Appetizers or desserts?
You got to give up one.
One got to go.
You're the man.
Thank you, Blake.
The boy, one got to go.
Appetizers or desserts.
I mean, the thing is, I do have a sweet tooth.
I do like sweet treats.
We know you're a creamsman.
I'm a creamsman.
I'm a dairy dude.
It's ice cream.
That includes ice cream.
Includes ice cream.
Yeah.
I think I'd have to keep desserts.
I'd have to make appetizers go.
But the thing is, a lot of stuff you see on the appetizer section of the menu
is stuff that I like.
I'm not just talking about like a shrimp cocktail,
which I would miss a shrimp cocktail.
But sometimes you see a quesadilla on there.
You'll see buffalo wings or those off the table.
Not going to have wings anymore.
Yeah.
Whatever would be abs.
That's fogged.
No guac?
Yeah, no abs, man.
If you're choosing desserts.
What part of the question do you not understand?
Put that ice cream then.
This is.
Get it then.
No abs, man.
Get it through your head.
You're a thick west coast skull.
No abs.
This is Doughboy's jigsaw.
I would have to.
It's a tough question.
I'd have to get rid of abs and keep dessert.
What do you do?
Yeah, same.
I got too much of a sweet tooth.
I got to keep desserts.
I have a hot fudge sundae every single night of my life.
And I mean that not exaggerating.
I'm eating candy and cookies and ice cream all day long
in my regular life.
And I can't lose it.
It's too important to me.
It's the only joy I have.
I, two children.
I know.
I don't have a huge sweet tooth, except when it comes to twist the metal on peacock this in 2020.
Check it out.
You can't eat mozzarella sticks if you pick dessert.
What? Say it again?
You can't eat mozzarella sticks ever again if you pick dessert.
This guy is great.
Uh, fuck.
You got me.
You sick son of a bitch.
Goodbye desserts.
Bye-bye cops.
Wow.
I got to get rid of desserts.
No more mozzarella sticks.
No more wings.
No.
Wow.
Blake, what would you choose?
Advertisers, man.
I'll keep abs, man.
No dessert.
Then you know what?
This, I thought he was going to be like, don't make me cheese.
I got out to his head.
Desserts are gone, man.
I'll pick abs.
Wow.
Then you know what?
You don't get the cream puff, my friend.
Folks, that's our show.
Marissa Benson.
Emma Herbrick.
Thanks to the Turner Hall Ballroom.
I know next time for the Spoonman Mike Mitchell, I'm Nick Weigher.
Happy eating.
Thank you.
See you, everybody.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Good night.
On the next Doe Boys Double, Ocean Draft.
That's right, Ocean Draft.
One more time, Ocean Draft.
And it's only at patreon.com slash Doe Boys.
Want to see the sources for this week's intro?
Check the episode description.
That was a hate gun podcast.