Doughboys - Krispy Kreme x Pop-tarts with Jess McKenna

Episode Date: January 23, 2025

Jess McKenna (@jessjessmckenna, Off Book) joins the 'boys to talk Disneyland, Massachusetts geography, and musicals before a review of Krispy Kreme x Pop-tarts doughnuts. Plus, the debut of Thirst Responders.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSources for this week's intro:https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/back-at-it-again-at-krispy-kremehttps://nymag.com/intelligencer/2016/01/story-of.htmlhttps://www.businessinsider.com/history-krispy-kreme-doughnuts-iconic-glazed-ipo-stock-filing-2021-6#krispy-kreme-first-opened-in-1937-1https://www.qsrmagazine.com/story/krispy-kreme-moves-forward-with-insomnia-cookies-sales-process/https://www.foodandwine.com/krispy-kreme-pop-tarts-crazy-good-doughnuts-collection-8767222https://investors.krispykreme.com/news/news-releases/news-details/2025/KRISPY-KREME-Partners-with-Pop-Tarts-for-Crazy-Good-Kickoff-to-New-Year/default.aspxSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to youtube.com slash doughboysmedia. Back at it again at Krispy Kreme. So begins one of the most memorable posts of all time on the now defunct video sharing app Vine. The sub six second clip starts with that direct-to-camera sign-on, followed by the speaker, interior donut shop, Knight,

executing a spectacular series of back handsprings, climaxing with the acrobat accidentally kicking a large lit sign off the store wall. The dizzying sequence ends as the heavy neon donut sign board plummets to the floor, but notably before impact, which only adds to the video's impact. Back at it again at Krispy Kreme went viral many times over after its 2014 circulation by gymnastics clip aggregator Fab Cheerleader, but its star was unknown for years before a thoroughly researched 2016 New York Magazine article by Brian Feldman identified him as an Atlanta-based tumbling instructor named Aaron. Aaron said the impromptu routine led to a visit from the cops resulting in him deleting the clip from his own

account and distancing himself till the heat died down. But it was additionally an inadvertent bit of viral marketing for an 87 year old North Carolina based donut chain which endured economic turmoil from over-expansion in the early 21st century and is now stabilized under private ownership. In recent years, it's engaged in fruitful brand partnerships, acquiring Crumble competitor Insomnia Cookies, later Flip for Profit,

launching a successful pilot program to offer its doughnuts inside McDonald's, and in January 2025, debuting a crossover with grocery store toaster pastry, Pop Tarts. The signature non-serial offering of Kelenova, which rebranded from Kellogg in 2023, apparently because it didn't sound enough like a defense contractor from Robocop,

Pop Tarts debuted back in 1964, after a development process artlessly and joylessly portrayed in Jerry Seinfeld's execrable Netflix original film, Unfrosted. A bad movie from Netflix? Weird. Feldman's New York Magazine profile of the undercover Vine star concludes with a sentence, quote, asked if he had any other thoughts to add, Aaron stated, as a matter of fact,

tumbling his life, end quote. And it's hard to argue considering Aaron's virtuosic display of human mastery converging with unintentional destruction packs more raw entertainment into six seconds than unfrosted does into 93 dogshit minutes. This week on Doughboys, we're back at it again at Krispy Kreme to review the Krispy Kreme Pop Tarts collaboration. Back at it again at Krispy Kreme. So it's the Doughnut Boys! Double Hot Doughnut Boys! Welcome to Doughboy's the Podcast about chain restaurants.

I'm Tiger Weiger along with my cohost, Dr. Eatville, AKA Cat Bastard, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. One million nuggets. Very good. Very good. Come on, off the top. I liked it. I think, sorry.

Did I get it wrong? Yeah, I really hate to come in this hot. I think it's out. It's out. Yeah. Ooh, how the fuck, I really hate to come in this hot. I think it's out. It's out. Yeah. Ooh, how the fuck do I? There you go, perfect. One million nuggets.

Perfect. I could have changed it up. I liked it. This is an awesome- Two nuggets is the way to go? Yeah, I mean, cause it's like a doll, like is there a food that sounds like dollers, you know? One million silver dollar pancakes, I guess.

That's way too long. Exactly, cumbersome. We're talking about delicious foods. One million doll hairs. You know, one million silver dollar pancakes, I guess. That's way too long. Exactly, cumbersome. We're talking about delicious foods. One million doll hairs. Yeah. Mm, doll hairs. One million dolmas?

But then you gotta think about what a dolma is first. I feel people are like, oh yeah, that thing, the grape thing. One million doll whips. That's it. the grape thing. One million Dole whips. That's it. That's it. One million Dole whips. One million Dole whips is really good. You can't have a, that's why we need a good improviser here every week wise.

You suck, you're really bad. Yeah, I know. I suck too. What do you think I stopped doing it? I realized it's been longer since I stopped doing UCB. Form. Longer form, thank you for the improv correction. It's been longer in a stretch of time

since I stopped performing at the Upright Citizens' Brigade than the entire time I performed at the Upright Citizens' Brigade. I retired forever at the end of 2015. Wait, how did, what did you first say? I wasn't paying attention to you. It's been a longer stretch of time since I stopped doing improv at UCB than the entire length of time I did improv at UCB.

Wow, that is wild. You know wild? That is wild. Yeah. Hey, this is an Austin Powers II themed roast. One million domas, my, what is this, my big fat groovy wedding, I don't know. See? This is an Austin Powers II themed roast, and since some would say dr. Evil is an impression of Lauren Michaels famous

Speaking voice. I thought it a pro pros for Mike Mitchell sincerely Apropos Pro pros I've never read aloud I've never seen I mean it was probably written like apropos a Pro POS I've never seen, I don't know how Apropos is spelled. I mean, it was probably written like Apropos. A-P-R-O-P-O-S. Yeah, I'm just guessing. Are you the smart one?

You said that the word you were trying to say is Apropos. Oh, okay. Are you the smart one? I mean, relative to you. Well, I got news for you, Wags. Uh-oh. Wow, here we go. Here's the big reveal.

If you never heard of Go Boys, I'm now the smart one. Wow. Wow. Woo! It gave me a headache almost immediately. Are you gonna be aware that, so for our audio listeners, Mitch just put on a, No boys, I'm now the smart one. Wow. Wow. Woo. It gave me a headache almost immediately. Are you gonna be wearing that? So for audio listeners, Mitch just put on a pair of glasses. I think it's a very flattering frame.

Looks nice on your face. And now this podcast seems quite childish. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Sincerely, Tony Owen at Tony Zines, Tony Owen.com. We got a URL in there. P.S. I wonder if Mitch will say, get in my WALL-E. You did not say that. Get in my WALL-E?

Like feet? Get in my cat? Get inside my cat? I guess so, yeah. No, I don't want you to get in my WALL-E at all. Tony, he did not say that. Rosenbergfuck.com. I mean, that is funny.

If I was saying to cat food, it's funny. Get in my WALL-E. That's funny. Yeah, it's funny. Maybe next time you put out cat food, it's funny. Get in my wall-e, that's funny. Yeah, it's funny. Maybe next time you put out cat food, good a world. See how it feels. Are you going to wear the glasses during the episode or do you just put them on for a taste?

I don't know, because I also do think we talked about how I have brain fog. And then I've been wearing these and I've had regular headaches, which is almost a relief. And I haven't had as much brain fog. It's been a year of trying to figure it out. So I have been trying to wear them at night, especially. When I first got glasses, I was like nauseous

for the first couple of weeks when I wore them because it takes a while to get used to it. You're used to not seeing clear and now you're seeing clear. Well, it's also like with, they're progressives and my mom warned me against getting them. And like when you move your head, like the vision, it does like warp stuff.

So I'm not gonna keep them on the whole episode. Is that, and I know it's like disorienting to have like a new way of seeing the world. Is that prescription strong enough where you can look down and see your own hog? You should try them on to see what my prescription is like. I got laced.

I don't think that my prescription is that, and also the answer is yes. My truly favorite thing is to watch a person not quite able to get through their joke. And you were like milliseconds, you know, it was like, can I? This is a, yeah, what, do you know the numbers here? I don't think it's very strong.

It doesn't seem super strong. I mean, but the thing is like I had, so I was minus five, seven, five in this eye, minus four, two, five in this eye, and then I got Lasik. Wow. I got Lasik 15 years ago. Mitch, five in this eye, minus four, two, five in this eye, and then I got LASIK 15 years ago. Mitch, may I? Yes, please. Okay, I have, so sorry, 2020 vision.

Wow, of course. Sorry. Emma, what's your prescription? I am, mine's very mild, actually. I wanna try Mitch's to see if it's similar, cause mine's like negative 50 and negative 75, I think, so it's not a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is not, I mean this- You look the coolest in my glasses, by the way. Yeah, you look cool. Hey, cool, thanks. Those are good frames, they look good on everyone. Hey, all right. When I was a kid, I used to take my dad's reading glasses off his bedside table and put them on and be like, whoa!

And did that give you the same thing? Kind of. Not as intense. Yeah, yeah, they're not very intense, but I have an astigmatism, so that is. Casey, what's your prescription? I'm plus three in both eyes. Oh wow, so you're farsighted. I'm farsighted.

Wow, interesting, my dad is also farsighted. You said you were, I thought you said you were farsighted. I did say farsighted. Farsighted. Oh yeah, you're farsighted. Someone made that joke recently and I don't know who. I always forget though, far-sighted means you can see far.

I can see far. But not near. Not near. Yeah. And I'm the opposite, I can't see far. Yeah, it's actually pretty sweet of us as humans that we decided to name it in the positive. Yeah, in fact, like what you're good at.

This is what you're good at. Right. Hey, guess what? You're fararsighted, you can see far. Well done. We didn't say like, you're near dumb. Yeah. It's like my mom taking me to shop in the husky section as a boy.

It's like, oh, okay, I'm a husky. This is just a different type. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a dog's name. I'm farsighted, if I don't have the glasses on, I see everyone as talking dogs. Excellent commitment to circling back on that. Thank you.

It was on the, I know what it was, we were on the Go Off King stream. That's what it was. That's what it was. And they were saying farsighted. Yeah, Stephen and Jay made the farsighted thing. I stole the joke. Ah, that's all right.

But you know what? Good credit. Sometimes you gotta steal a joke every so often. Mitch, I have a little bit of business before we get to our drop. I wanted to revisit this. This was last week with our very recent episode. I don't know if it was just last week as of this release

with our buddy, Zach Cherry. We went through some new bits for 2025. Sure. One of the bits that I previewed is something that I wanted to make sure that I revisited with Casey Present. Casey Doonehue, of course, a resident Doonehead. And he wasn't here last time.

So the bit is, you know, of course, Mitch, Timothy Chalamet had a big year. He plays both Paul Muad'Dib Atreides in Doone and Bob Dylan in A Complete Unknown. And of course, last year we had our character based off of Austin Butler appearing in both Elvis and in Dune, Elvis Harkonnen. Elvis Harkonnen.

Yeah, so now we have a new character that's akin to that, Muad Dylan. Ooh, really good. Yeah. Really? Yeah, love it. Muad Dylan. It was Muad Dib Dylan, but Emma had the punch up to Muad Dillon, a little bit of simplification.

How many times will they come to steal spice? Emma, let's hit it. I hope it's the same song. How much melange must a trade he's consumed before he is leased on Al-Gha'ib? Before he is leased on Al-Gha'ib? And how many sardachar must the Fremen defeat? Before they're allowed to be free? Yes, and how much water of life must the Reverend Mother drink?

Before Paul can be with Chani? The answer, my friend, is burrowing in the sand. The sandworm is burrowing in the sand. So the answer is the sandworm? Yeah. That's really good. And he plays on the little ballast set instead of the harmonica.

Nick, I got to hand to you, that Cartman impression is so great. I thought you would at least have a, you'd at least have a Dylan, I mean, you kind of do. I kind of do, I try, I went too low in the register is the problem. I'm too much of an amateur singer. I think it would have been easier if I went up an octave.

You sound more like Cartman. How much melange Mr Trade, he's consumed. I'm like Carmen. Before Cal's mom won't be a bitch. All right, Mitch, play your job. Wise, I got some updates from the LAFD. Oh, great. The fires are getting really contained

because they hired the hawk to a girl, which we mentioned before. Uh-huh, yeah. Um, and they said that um, They wanted me to tell you that you could, that they asked for flashlights, you don't have to keep donating flashlights to them. Oh, cause I get a lot of them.

Yeah, you've been sending them a lot of flashlights. Okay. They don't need flashlights. Man, I'm gonna need those back. Especially the Darth Maul one. And also, they have an evacuation around your apartment complex because of the amount of baby oil that you have in your place.

So they're just afraid if that goes up. Look, with Diddy in prison, someone's gotta keep Johnson & Johnson in business. Thank you to the first responders again. Of course. Were you affected by, our guests, were you affected by the fires? I mean, everyone was affected. Right, right, right.

No, we were always clear of an evacuation line, but pretty scary. Also, like, does just remind you how giant our city is, but like, and how you have different attack, you know, just places that you go more often. Yes. So like, obviously I spend more time, obviously, maybe not obvious, obvious to me, I spend more time close to the Eaton Fire,

the Pasadena, Altadena Fire area, versus the Palisades Fire. So like more awareness of what's happening there. So yeah, it's been so sad, but then when my family was like, this new one's close to you, I'm like, no, that would take me forever to get that, when the Sunset Fire broke out.

Yes, right, yeah. And I was like, guys, that's so much farther, like can you pay it to, and then I looked at the map and I was like, oh, I'm equidistant. I just don't go to Runyon anymore. Yes, yeah. You know, like, just as like, I don't know. You're like, oh, I'm three miles away,

and that's basically what it, yeah. Yeah, I was like, I'm actually dead center between them, but just emotionally, I was like, I don't know. You're like, oh, I'm three miles away. Yeah, like I was like, I'm actually dead center between them, but just emotionally I was like, I'm very close to the eaten fire because I'm in those spaces more often. But yeah, it's been a hard time, but also I think an inspiring time. True, very true. 100%.

And we're very happy you're safe. Thank you. But- Glad everyone here is safe. Oh, God bless you. Yes, we got very lucky. And our shitty podcast must go on, as we say. I'll say, as someone who falls asleep to podcasts,

when people did have to take a break, I was like, I understand, but please come back for me. I have to have some of my friends in my ears. Otherwise, the thoughts get in. I wonder how many people are falling asleep to your Eric Cartman song tonight-wise. Hey, there's get in. I wonder how many people are falling asleep to your Eric Cartman song tonight, Wags. Hey, there's one in the studio. Jemmy's catching some shut eye.

Cute as shit. That is super cute. That's a little croissant. Yeah. She is a little croissant. All right, Emma, let's hit him with the drop, please. Today is gonna be the day that I'm gonna go number two. Oh my gosh.

What? I took a shit. I know. Yeah, I took a shit Yeah I know Yeah, I took a shit I know By now you should have found a place where you can poo I believe Golden Corral is open Shit!

Golden Corral is open If I don't go real soon I'll ruin my tighty-whities Shit! Ruin my tighty-whities Shit! Ruin my tighty-whities I believe Golden Corral is open And the golden corral is open, shit.

The golden corral is open, maybe I'll go there and take a shit. Are we the only two people that don't sound good with autotune? We sound like shit. Autotune couldn't tune us to sound good, it sounds like. That was a, was that a recent drop? That was a runner-up from the drop-off this year. Yeah, because it sounded familiar. I really like that one.

That was a song we just riffed out back in the Golden Corral episode. Well, you're not the only improviser here. We improvised that whole, that thing that none of us were laughing at. We improvised that. That was from, with Stoney Sharps. Yeah, buddy Stoney. We love Stoney.

Yeah. Nick and Mitch sing like angels in the Doughboyz dance remix of multi-platinum hit song Wonderwall by Oasis. Shout out to the bathrooms at Golden Corral. Warmly, Big Cat Music Squad. They always do a good job. Thank you, Big Cat. Thank you, Big Cat.

Drops at Birdfuck.com. We're going to run through the rest of the runners up for the drop off for the rest of Corral warmly big cat music squad. They always do a good job. Thank you, big cat. Thank you, big cat drops at bird fuck dot com. We're going to run through the rest of the runners up for the drop off for the rest of January, but we'll have new drops coming in next month. So please keep sending. That's 100% true. I send those drops in just for drop offs. We get like now we get drops from like five years ago

because no one sends them anywhere, which is okay. We'll still use them. Some good old drops out there. Yeah. Good old drops, you know use them. Some good old drops out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good old drops, you know? Yeah, the good old drops. Yeah. And hey, a good old guess in terms of one of our OG guests

from back in the day, originator of the McKenna Doctrine, Jessica McKenna is back. Hi Jess, thanks so much for being here. Thanks for having me. What a treat, always overdue when you revisit the podcast. We love having you on. It's true. I did wanna talk about-

My glasses are dirty, I have to clean them, I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't announce that for every glasses. I'm new to this again. Yeah, it's fine. He's new to glasses. You're new to glasses. It's been 30 years, I had glasses from when I was a boy, like six till 12, 12, 13, and I wore contacts for a few years.

So 30 years off and now I'm back. What happened to you? Did your eyes improve? My eyes corrected themselves. They corrected themselves. Oh, cool. And so you're just fine for a while. And when I was younger, I've told you this before,

that they thought I was gonna go blind in one eye. Yeah. I went to Boston's Children's Hospital and I wore a patch over my lazy eye for a full year. That's tough. My dad also had a, you should talk to him, my dad also had a lazy eye and wore a patch when he was like, he was like.

Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And back then glasses were not cool, you know what I mean? Right. Harry Potter generation glasses went wild. I mean, like, look, the coolest people in the studio are sitting behind the producer's desk. They're both four eyes, but back in the day, you'd be called a nerd, you'd be called a point-duster.

You'd have your underwear pulled up over your head. 100%. I mean. Where's your bookie-'re both four eyes, but back in the day you'd be called a nerd, you'd be called a point desker. You'd be called a nerd, you guys are under what that's 100%. You'd be called a point desker, you'd be called a nerd, you guys are under what that's 100%. Where's your bookie wook four eyes? I'm really gonna put myself on blast here. I used to wear fake glasses

because I liked the way they looked. Wow, that's cool. This is the difference. My sister got a pair from Claire's or something, and sometimes I would steal them and wear them just like clear frames, and then I did the same like sometimes I would put them on while I worked in a coffee shop in New York

so I was like I just wanna be wearing frames. Yeah, that is cool. It's funny, I did that as a kid and then I actually needed glasses and I was like this isn't fun anymore. Yeah, exactly. You know, it's a little bit stolen value. Like I shouldn't wear glasses if I don't require them.

Glasses would get you, it was a bullying target. You would get made fun of for glasses. I was like mortified that I had't require them. Glasses will get you, it was a bullying target. You would get made fun of for glasses. I was like mortified that I had to wear glasses. That one seems so bizarre now. I feel like we maybe, my instinct is only just like, are they cool glasses or not? Yeah. Sure.

You're saying that I was wearing like big dork glasses when I was younger, I mean, it probably is possible. No, no, no, no. Like what's inherent, I guess it's just like, you're not regular. I think that's what it is. I think it's just like, yeah, any sort of deviation. Right, right, right. But also I think there's a little bit of,

because kids are so status obsessed, there's a little bit of like, oh, you've got glasses, that means you're smart, let's kick the smart kid's ass. Yeah, so weird. Because we can't talk. Yeah, and how about it's like to have glasses and be fucking dumb? Yeah, why do we associate can't talk about it suck to have glasses and be fucking dumb

Yeah, why do we associate glasses of being smart anyhow, I don't know there must be some sort of correlation Historically between I think it's like are your eyes are like it's like I think it's like, you know, you're reading too much books You know, maybe that's too many books your eyes got yeah Maybe it dates your eyes out Maybe it dates to literacy and you'd see literate people wearing glasses to read, and so you'd be like, oh, it's like a smart thing, a smart guy thing. You also couldn't play sports with glasses? Most sports you can't play with glasses,

and you couldn't be a jock, so you had to be a nerd. That's true, yeah. Do you have a theory? No, I was gonna say, instantly, that feels like a really good working theory. Yeah, yeah. That it comes from when we weren't all, when we didn't have as many people who were literate, and then if you were literate and you're like, ow, my eyes. I'd be like,

nerd, come in with those scrolls and start helping us heave these plague bodies. Jess, I, you know, I'm always a fan of your PTR experience, PTR episodes. I listened to your recent one where you talked about the Disney app, but I want to talk, I listened to your recent one where you talked about the Disney app. But I want to drill down like Disney bites. Have you been to the parks recently, and have you had any decent bites? Yes, okay, I went to the park in November, and I had some great bites, and I had a new bite that I didn't know about.

Wow. It's been around for a while? I don't know. No, I think. It's been around for a while? I don't know, no, I think it's only a few years old, which is why maybe it wasn't on my radar, but it is the churro fudge. Churro fudge. Wow, churro fudge. Yes, so like on Main Street, like right off of like,

that, I think it's the Jolly Roger, that restaurant right at the end is you're like walking down Main Street and you're veering left into Adventureland, that restaurant there at the end that has, it's like also the end of the strip of all the connected stores on Main Street that start at the Emporium and go all the way through the candy store.

They have Churro Fudge, it's like a, it's great, or not fudge, brittle? Bark! Bark, okay. Churro bark. That sounds delightful. Yeah, because it has a snap to it, not a soft fudge. And it has a similar flavor profile to churros. Yes.

Like it tastes like a churro? Yes, but- That sounds awesome. Yeah, it was great. Because they do have good churros at Disney too. One of my must gets. Yeah, they don't have the churros at Costco anymore. The churros now, they have the double chunk chocolate cookie

which is a good cookie. Yeah. But you know, I like, I do miss like the availability of a good churro. Yeah, churros are delicious. I've never heard of this. If you said churro bark to me in the past, I would have thought Pluto got too close

to one of the churro vendors. Surely. Surely. Surely, that must be what it is. I would, it would be my assumption too. I had a friend, like I like you, I grew up in SoCal. And so you just know people who worked at Disneyland. I had a friend who worked at Disneyland and he worked for the Jungle Cruise.

And so- He must have been pretty funny. Great job, great job. He was, yeah. Was he funny? Yeah, funny dude. Yeah. Anyway, so he worked the Jungle Cruise,

and he was walking by- And you're the friend that got into comedy. I must have been so confused. Mitch, if you knew my group of friends in high school, you'd be like, this guy? Everyone has a fucking job. So like the, he was walking by, like he was walking by the candy shop and there was a,

oh, I'm trying to remember exactly what the bit he did was. I think he was in the candy shop and he went behind the counter and there was another employee there and he pretended to put both his arms into the candy mix. And he was like, and the other employee was like, oh, you like clearly played it off like they thought it was a bit.

The next day he comes into the park and he's met at the gate by the like, like his boss and then a union rep. And he goes in there like, so you stuck your arms into a vat of candy yesterday and we had to destroy $2,000 worth of inventory. And he had to be like, no, I was doing like a bit. I thought they knew that I was doing it.

Like none of it, like completely just didn't work. He didn't lose his job. Oh my God. But it was like an insane situation. Yeah. He didn't really put his arms in. He didn't actually do it. No, he pretended to do it.

Like he was like, it was one of those things where he was like behind a counter. I told the story poorly. I haven't thought about it in years. He was like behind the counter, there was a big vat and he put his arms behind the counter. So like it was blocked, but it looked like it could have been going into the vat.

And then he was convinced the other person like just played it off like they knew that he was doing a bit. But the other person was just being like going with it, but they were like, I'm gonna have to report this cause that's destroyed. Right. Unhygienic. That's so, what a fool.

Isn't that wild? This other person is. That's wild. No offense to them, but they sound like a fool. They sound like a fool. So wait, this is down on Main Street. Is that? Yeah, Churro Bark.

Is that a Bob Seeger song down on Main Street? Oh, I thought you were gonna say Churro Bark. I was gonna say Churro Bark, yeah. Is Churro Bark a Bob Seeger song? Is down on Main Street, is that a Bob Seeger song? Sounds like something. I don't know Bob Seeger's catalog though. Yeah, neither do I. I don't know, well fuck it catalog though. Yeah, neither do I. Well, fuck it. I fucked up.

Sorry. Sorry, Mitch. I fucked up. Maybe it's about this place. I've never, I've never, I've never, I don't really, I never go into the Main Street shops too often. Yeah. I hit the hall of presidents.

I leave after Trump's done his bit. And, oh man, is there gonna be two Trumps? No. No, I don't think they're gonna, they're at a second one. It would be really funny if they put a second one on. Cause who's the other there gonna be two Trumps? No. No, I don't think they're gonna, they're at a second one. It would be really funny if they put a second one up. Cause who's the other one who has two, who had a non-consecutive term?

Grover Cleveland. Grover Cleveland, yeah. So there aren't two Grover Clevelands. There should be, that's kind of funny. It'd be funny if they put it, I mean it would be funny if they put up a second Trump, but I don't think they're going to. Remember Trump, I remember the Trump robot

at the hollow presence like looked like Hillary, like it was like, clearly they made a Hillary one and a Trump one. And they're like, whoops. Whoops, we need to, yeah, no, no, sad, sucks. I will say that I am a little bummed that that trivia question isn't hit the same way anymore. Like who was the only president who had two non-consecutive terms,

now there's a second one. It's like, oh, it's kind of cool that there was like one that you would like kind of obscure president you point to from the 19th century. Yeah. Yeah. Oh well. Well, you're very happy with this one. Otherwise, great.

My only complaint. Churro bark, I gotta try some churro bark. Yeah. Can I hear you, what's your Disney day? Whoa. I mean, like look. How much time do we have? Yeah.

I mean, I'll tell you this, like, for me, if I'm at Disney, I gotta ride pirates. That's one thing I gotta do. Great. Sure. And then I either gotta do, at least gotta do Space or Thunder Mountain. I gotta do one of those. Sorry, and you get off of pirates

once you see Johnny Depp, right? You swim away. Yeah. You just close your eyes when he bops out of a barrel. Yeah, well he's fighting. Yeah, get away from me. What a misfire to put Johnny Depp in the Pirates ride. Yeah, I mean, it's a good animatronic. It is, it's really good, yeah.

It's great. Yeah. But like he waves goodbye to you at the end. It feels like they made a mistake there. It feels like they shouldn't have added to that. I think they didn't know that he was maybe gonna get canceled. He had created like a sort of once in a generation pop culture character.

Right, it's kind of like populating the Indiana Jones ride with Harrison Ford's likeness. It's kind of like, well, that's the association you have with his IP, you know? And then you don't, you're not expecting the man to get canceled. I mean, and also I don't like the ride becoming more like the movie anyways, you know what I mean? Yeah, sure.

But I still, that is like, I have to go on pirates. That's the one I love. Well, there's also, I mean, this is the thing, it's not the only place you encounter that. Like if you go to Universal, the baby driver ride, which is great, but it's got Spacey all over it. I know. The great animatronic Spacey, it's very lifelike. Yeah, but it's in 3d and so I get nauseous

But an amazing soundtrack, um It's also weird that they have this the character that spacey plays walking around the park to for it is where they walk around spacey around the park too for your video. It is weird that they don't walk around spacey. It is weird. Anyway, what is your Disney day? Well, it depends if I'm doing park hopper, which I normally do now. And then I usually start at California Adventure and,

no wait, that's not true. I usually start at Disneyland. The last time I went, I started at California Adventure. Usually start at Disneyland. Disneyland is a better park, right? Overall, I would guess, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I now experience them as like one park, really.

But I started at Disneyland, and recently in the last couple years, I probably start in Galaxy's Edge, I start in Star Wars Land. Wow, you start there. Yeah. Interesting. Because like, if I'm maybe in- Canto, is it Kanto Byte?

Kanto Byte, well Kanto Byte is from Last Jedi, the fictional world from his Batuu. Oh right, it's the, yeah, what is it? It's the outpost of Black Spire, or something like that, on the planet Batuu, and the area is called Galaxy's Edge, and thus we must all call it Star Wars land. It's 100% you're 100% right. But usually the last couple of times I'm usually like

shepherding nieces and nephews around and it's like, okay I got us a lightning lane for Rise of Resistance super early, let's get a breakfast at Olga's Cantina and I'll have like a boozy drink at 8 a.m. because it's like the time I'll get to get into this Cantina. Right, right, right. That's fun. So also like, well, I think they've changed this,

but it was like one of the only places you get alcohol on the Disneyland side and they make pretty fun cocktails. So I'm usually starting there and then maybe hitting a few other big ticket items, maybe Big Thunder, maybe Pirates, maybe staying over there. And then I like to pivot for maybe a lunch reservation over at California Adventure

because usually the kids need like more of a sit down break. What age are we talking? Four to 11 was the last. Okay, so these are pretty young kids. Yeah, yeah. What's your go-to spot for lunch in California Adventure? So when we have also, if my mom's with me or my sister or my brother-in-law, there's also adults in the crowd.

We usually go to the Italian restaurant in Napa. Ooh, okay. And then so people can get, again, another cocktail. You can drink a lot more at Disneyland, and that offsets the stress that I have of being the heaviest of the head who runs the app. 100%, yeah. So I'm like, well, I'm gonna have some bevvies

throughout the day. You're gonna be a hero, though, at the end of the day, too. Yeah, exactly. So then I usually do California Adventure up through dinner and either also eat dinner over there, because I do sort of find the food sit down option sometimes better over there. But like my family loves guardians.

We have to do midway mania. So a lot of other favorites over there. We almost always strike out on being able to get in cars cause it's radio to racer is really hard. Last time I had, we had fast passes and it broke down. That ride rocks though. It's so great. But it can sometimes,

you have to pick your places to spend money to get fast passes or lightning lanes. And it's typically been that people are more interested in getting Guardians or just the age range, getting Guardians or already using it in the morning on Rise of the Resistance. Then I'll usually do the nighttime back at Disneyland, now we're hitting anything big we didn't get.

Maybe a nighttime space. Going over to Tomorrowland. Maybe there's like a churro to tie us over or hot cocoa depending on the time of year or a bucket of popcorn while you wait for Buzz Lightyear. And... You got this down. Yeah, what a...

You got this, you got this on lock. Yeah, what a sequence of events. That's great. That's for the vibe. That's that's damn good. Do you ever do a ronto breakfast ronto wrap? Is that the one with these guys? The yeah, the Ronto Roasters.

Yeah, I was just going to say back to this is doing like a hand crank motion. For our listeners. Yes, I got that for the first time when I went November. Very good. And I got the meatless, or I got the veggie option, delicious. Wow, okay. Very flavorful and quick. Yeah, yeah, they're fast there.

I told you bitch before, but my alpha brother Nate Weiger, he sent me a pic once and he was at the top of the leaderboard for Astro Blasters. Wow. Because he found, I found an exploit. He found like one target he could just hit repeatedly. Yeah.

Like, like it was one of the high value ones. He's an alpha. Yeah, it was fucking cool as hell. Man, Space Mountain at nighttime, what is there anything better? Oh, I love it so much. It's a great, it's a great ride. That's it, you sound,

it sounds like it would be a great, I'm sure that you're, do you say you bring your nieces and nephews, is that who it is? Yeah, and they're great, and my sister who, obviously also grew up going, but didn't internalize the same intensity as I did, she's very grateful, usually buys me a thank you gift for being boss. That rules. Which rules, yeah.

It's nice to be appreciated, but it is funny, I obviously try to just be funny all the time, but the longer that you actually, as kids grow up, you find your pockets where you are a little stern, usually it's only around safety because I'm not their parent, but every once in a while you're like, hey, knock that off, takes a village to raise a kid,

and I'm not afraid to be in there. And when they started complaining about a 25 minute standby wait for Big Thunder, I was like, hey, zero tolerance for that. This day is costing your parents hundreds and hundreds of dollars. And when I was your age, I pulled that out when I was your age,

there were no fast passes and we only waited in line. And when I got to come here when Indiana Jones opened, I waited in line for two and a half hours to ride it and then got back in to wait for two and a half hours again. Wow. Now I say it a little softer than that. I'm like, hey, just to put this in perspective, because it tends to, is it happening early in the day?

And you just actually, they just don't know that there's something else that they should be aware of. Sure. Or are they hangry and you're like, do you actually just need a snack? Sure. Or is it the end of the day and you're like, I've been busting my butt for you all day. This was at the beginning of the day and I was like, just you actually just need a snack? Sure. Or is it the end of the day and you're like, I've been busting my butt for you all day.

This was at the beginning of the day and I was like, just to level set for you guys, because I want you to have a good experience. If your mom hears you complaining like that, it's not gonna go well, okay? So, because here's what we had. Honestly, you should come in here and talk to Nick and I like this sometimes.

Yeah. It'll probably be helpful. I can see like my sweet niece like hearing this and her being like, okay, yeah, okay, got it. And then if they felt the instinct to complain later, they'd be like, no, it's not even that bad, it's not even that bad. And I'd be like, good job, guys.

That pre-FastPass reality, which feels so long ago now, but it's hard to conceptualize. It's what, 15 years at least, or 20 years? More than that, I think, since they were initially introduced. I think they came out when I was in middle 2000 like 2000-ish, 2001. Yeah. But when I was a little kid, but yeah.

Sure. So I definitely still got to benefit. I had like an annual pass in middle school and early high school. Wow. And they had started rolling it out. Yeah. And at that point when I was already like

very invested in running the show, I'm really loving that the last time I was on, I was like, I am a Tracy Flick, and the two of you were like, not really. And I was like, I am. I used to take everyone's tickets the last time I was on, I was like, I am a Tracy Flick, and the two of you were like, not really, and I was like, I am. I used to take everyone's tickets and sprint around the park to go get the Fast Passes,

because we wouldn't move quick enough as a group. And I'd be like, I'll just do it. I was like a 13-year-old, and I'd sprint through the crowd and be like, okay, I got us Indiana Jones for 210 to 310. Next one available, 12.59. That's, I remember the early, because I was out here I believe at that point

when the first, maybe the first, yeah the paper fast passes. Me too, they also had the individualized graphics on top for what ride it was, they were cool. I gave the Quincy guys like the best day at Disney, it was when I think the app was first available and you could get the Fast Pass on the app and you didn't have to pay money.

And we just like went on every, and they were like, oh my God. And I was like, yeah, people, it was like before. And now everyone uses, every single person uses the app. I don't like Star Wars Land. Okay. I don't like it. I think that the Millennium Falcon ride is bad.

That I might concede to at this point. I think like the line experience of it is pretty fun. Like the moment where you go into little groups and you, but yeah, the ride is basically nauseating. Here's my- When you're on the Falcon, like when you're in what looks like the Falcon, I think some of that is funny.

You take a picture at the chess table or whatever. Sure. Or whatever the fuck it's called. I still have not gone and, I still have not experienced Batuu. I've not visited Batuu. I've not been to the theme parks. And you've been at Disney while it's open.

You just did not walk over into it. Was that true? Yes. Wow. We went to the Blue Bayou. Oh, that was that day? Yeah, yeah, it was right. It was, Star Wars was open.

Well, I hit my head on the tram. What do you want? I was disoriented all day. And then, and, and, and, and, and, and, we went and we rode Rise of the Resistance later, I think. Yeah. I, I hit my head on the tram. What do you want? I was disoriented all day. And then, and then, and, and, and we went and we rode Rise of the Resistance later, I think. Yeah, I, I don't know why, here's, cause we had to leave. That was also the same day we went

into Pirate's Dinner Adventure. Oh, right. I think, here's what I think happened, Mitch. I think I was like, we don't have enough time. And you were like, it's gonna be fine. And then I left and you went and rode it anyway. And then you were right. And then I got mad cause you got like, it's gonna be fine. And then I left and you went and wrote it anyway. And then you were right and then I got mad because you got to write it and then

you still made it on time. How about that? We gotta be on time to go to fucking pirate's zoos, which the meal was the worst shit we ever ate. It was fucking awful. Great show. Wait, what were you gonna say? I was gonna say, I would have really helped that situation.

I can feel it. I believe a friend of mine from high school is in that pirate show. That's cool. Wow, we, Jeff Budner, right? That's right, yeah. We invited him on the show. He was in the show and he did a great performance on the show and he came on the podcast.

The performance was great. The meal was bad. The show was great, the meal was awful. When I see clips, I'm like, this looks pretty fun. It's pretty fun. It was, it was fun. It's see clips, I'm like, this looks pretty fun. It's pretty fun. It was, it was fun. It's a fun time, just like I would just eat ahead of time and know that you're basically getting like,

you know, like a frozen meal that's been reheated in a microwave. Yes, yeah. Okay, I wanted to ask you, we could talk about Disney all day, but this has also been a big year. We can. This has also been a big year for musicals.

You're, you know, a very talented musical performer, I think someone who has a lot of musical knowledge. I'm gonna run down a few of these. If you've seen any of these or have any thoughts on any of these that you'd like to share, I'd just like to get your take. I feel like the rundown is we got Wicked, we got Amelia Perez, we got Joker 2,

and then in a sense, kind of a jukebox musical, we got a complete unknown. So I haven't seen Amelia Perez yet, but I plan on seeing it. And I haven't seen Joker 2, and I probably won't. Yeah, I hated both of those movies. Oh, I really liked both of those movies. I guess you're right by putting it in the musicals.

It is a full-fledged musical. Yeah, and I really liked Wicked. I was like, when Wicked came out, I was in high school and I feel like it got very overplayed in my drama room. Like I was a little like, ugh, I prefer Les Mis. I just like thought, and then I saw it and I was like, oh, this is good. But it didn't like, it wasn't like one of my musicals. And then as the musical, like the first trailers, I was like, oh, this is good, but it wasn't like one of my musicals.

And then as the musical, like the first trailers, I was like, oh God, I don't know. And then it did just sort of so deeply scratch my theater kid brain when I finally saw it. And I was like, there's a lot about it that I thought they did really well, that I really liked. And I realized how in my DNA the musical was, even though I didn't attribute it

as one of my favorite ones. I was like, I actually do know all of these words. And so I really liked it. My highs on it are Ariana Grande's comedic performance that I feel like was really, really well matched for like cinema. Cause that part on stage is like chewing the scenery, like it's landing on the bed and like throwing up a kick.

It's a big performance, which is great for the stage. And I thought her choice to like make Galinda like sort of a little more vacant and like have that really work for camera, I thought was awesome. And then shout out, very biased. I went to theater camp with the choreographer. Whoa!

Yeah, so shout out Christopher Scott. That's cool. Wow. Yeah, and so that's very cool. He's worked with John Chu for years, and it's been amazing to watch his rise and success, but I was like, when his name comes up as choreographed by Christopher Scott, you're like, oh my God, this is incredible.

So I had a very emotional way in, so for me, I was like, this is incredible. So I had a very emotional way in. So for me, I was like, this is pretty well done. And I feel like maybe most other cons about it would be stuff about if you don't like Wicked. Yeah, because for me, my big con is just the part one of it. Like it is a little bloated, but it is a very impressive production. A little surprise.

And I love just seeing a lot of bodies in frames. Yeah, right? And the choreography was a highlight, so that's a shout out to your friend. Wow, thank you. So we have a little bit of a surprise here. This is, I mean, I guess it's just a surprise for us. It's just a treat for us.

It doesn't really do anything for the audience. No. I just want to say the process of getting this pizza was adorable. And it was a lot of Mitch just being like, I don't know, in a world where we got pizza and then nevermind. And then Nick being like, I think you want pizza.

And then everyone on the team being like, we're happy to get pizza. But Mitch still being like, no, nobody wants pizza. But of course everyone's always happy when pizza comes. We got pizza. We got pizza. We got pizza. And Amelia, amazing about it. Thank you Amelia for bringing this in.

Mitch, where's this pizza from? Hey Wags, when you said to Amelia that she could get anything she wanted, it looks like she got a second pizza for us. I love that. It wasn't me texting her, it wasn't me texting her, get a second pizza, that's crazy.

Even more dance about this pizza. I want this slice. I'm gonna just, I'm taking, you know when people, there's a slice that's available. You want a cheese slice, but you don't want it. I'm just doing that, because it looks like a better slice. Sorry, Jemmy. Am I crushing you?

Oh, she's good. Is there a better depiction in media of pizza than Ninja Turtles? Nah. I think it's pretty, it's up there. Is there a better depiction in media of pizza than Ninja Turtles? No. I think it's pretty, it's up there. What else? I mean, what are the other options? That's a good slice.

Mitch, where's this pizza from? This is Lasordid-wise. Great. And right now they're doing like a pizza coalition for the firefighters in Los Angeles. And I think they're just donating a bunch of different pizza places, but La Sordid I think is hosting it.

Wow, so they're heroes. And in a sense for supporting them, we're heroes. I think so. Mitch, we gotta go backwards in time a little bit Jess, cause yes, you're correct. The characterization of Mitch hemming and hawing over ordering pizza and ultimately us talking him into doing what he wanted to do in the first place.

But this all came from Susser. So Susser, who also showed up to our meal today. He- This is true. He group texted- He's gonna be so mad he missed pizza. I didn't think about that. So Susser, we're saying we're having donuts today, which we'll get to.

Susser group text, is it true that donuts today, which we'll get to. Susser group texts, is it true that pizza's being ordered to the studio before the record? I reply, first I've heard of this. Susser, hmm, well now that it's out there, maybe it's a good idea. It worked. Incredible.

It worked in the best way possible, sorry. Does that basically count as manifesting? I guess so. It worked in the best way possible, sorry. Does that basically count as manifesting? I guess so. It worked in the best way possible in that he isn't here for it too. All right, I'm having a slice of cheese. While I bite into this. I gotta say that one's really good, spicy,

whatever the hell it is. What is that, a spicy Italian? So you get some sausage on the bad boy? It's got some sausage in there, why? It's got some heat, no burrata? Oh, maybe no burrata. Is that right? You mean that?

Why the fuck should you take the burrata off? Well, that's a good slush. I freaking love burrata. Yeah, I love burrata. Or maybe you can order it on top of that. It feels like there's a sharper, harder cheese in this cheese blend. Was like a Romano in there or something?

Mm-hmm. Probably like a Parmesan or something? Yeah. Yeah. That's got some tang, some salt. I like it. It's nice. A little pungent, It's a delight Casey. You don't want a pizza. I already had lunch I'm not very hungry. I already have why someone's called the cheese pizza called a mamba Wow. I love that I Just I got Amelia to come in I asked her bring me a Coke Zero and then we're gonna grill Can we talk Massachusetts a little bit? Sure.

So, just as I'm chewing, you have a little bit of a connection. And we were talking about this before we recorded. The big thing that I learned, and I've heard a lot of Massachusetts specifics from Mitch over the years. This guy, he talks about where he's from. He does a little, yeah. It'll come up. You can use your arm to indicate Massachusetts geography. So sorry, specifically Cape Cod.

Specifically Cape Cod geography. Yeah. Why the fucking no? It's not where I'm from, I'm doing my best. He's learning. Yes, so we were talking ahead because my brother lives in Boston and he is lucky enough to also have a house on Cape Cod.

And my sister-in-law, even though she grew up in Rochester, her family used to go to the Cape in the summer because her dad's from Massachusetts. They all, almost everyone on that side, like went to BU or Harvard, very like Boston based. And so now that's where they live and they spend the whole summer on the Cape. And he was asking me where on the Cape.

And I said, I said Dennis, and he was like, oh, we used to have a place in Sandwich. So for the audio listeners, I'm now holding up super dope flexed arm with great muscle tone. Really just like such a jacked arm. The guns are out. Thank you so much. And I pointed to where Dennis is,

which is like upper bicep, it's Bayside, Bayside versus Oceanside. So they're Bayside Dennis, and then Sandwich is closer to theicep, it's Bayside, Bayside versus Oceanside. So they're Bayside Dennis, and then Sandwich is closer to the armpit, sorry, because it's closer to, you know, Massachusetts proper. Can't believe you say a word like armpit on the Doughboys podcast. I know.

Thank you for apologizing. Forgive me? And then we're like, and then all the way up here is P-town, Provincetown is up at the end. Wow, at the top, where your fist is. Yep. Wow. So that's Cape Cod. I love that.

Yeah, it's pretty cool, right? It's like the Michigan hand thing. Yeah. Oh yeah. But for like a smaller bit of real estate, so you can really kind of zero in. Now next time you look at a map, really zoom in. I mean, it really looks like an arm.

I will. You guys at home too. Yeah. I don't even know the geography at all. This is all this stuff. We can't do it like Jess does, because Cape Cod doesn't have like a big sag at the bottom of it. Our arms don't work for this. Our arms don't work the geography at all. This is all this stuff. We can't do it like Jess does because Cape Cod doesn't have like a big sag at the bottom of it.

Our arms don't work for this. Our arms don't work for this. Massachusetts just like a standard, like a skinniest rectangle of a state, you know, going outward and then off of its little end, there's Cape and then you got Nantucket is like, I don't know, where's Nantucket Mitch? I once knew a man from Nantucket.

What about him? Oh, we'll talk about later. And Martha's Vineyard, those are both like, where are they? Well, they're islands. They're islands? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're, I don't know. I should know this, but I never really went

to Martha's Vineyard or Nantucket. I mean, they are, Nantucket is an island, right Emma? Yes, they both are. Oh, they both are. Oh, they both are. Okay, so if it's the arm, Martha's Vineyard is also kind of near the armpit, and then Nantucket's like over here, off the elbow, sort of, below the elbow.

For the visual. The ferry to the... The ferry to Martha's Vineyard is fairly quick. I think it's like an hour, and then to Nantucket it's like two or three hours. But it's like right near the start of the Cape, that right at the very end. And Casey, as a Floridian, if you to indicate where you are in the state you just kind of hang your hog, right? That's that's that is how we do it in Florida. Got it got it

Massachusetts Mitch that's what they look like My hog looks like Rhode Island Your dick doesn't look like Florida? Oh man. My hog looks like Rhode Island. I always felt like Massachusetts almost looks like a mini version of the United States, kind of. I always thought that. Like Cape Cod is like a mini Florida. Yeah, kind of, right?

I don't know. Not really. A little bit. Sure, the peninsula, I get it. Whatever, it's close really a little peninsula. I get it whatever it's close I'm like can we give jemmy any any treats? Oh, yeah, I mean she can have some cheese pizza I mean just a little are you thinking of giving jemmy a cheese slice of cheese? Maybe give her like a piece of sausage or something. I don't know maybe nice. What the fuck is wrong with you? I mean sure Look a lot of people say she shouldn't have the sausage

But I'm telling you this dog used to eat on the streets, so her stomach is pretty iron. Watch, she'll reject it though, and it'll be really funny. Yeah, she maybe doesn't seem into the pizza crust. Oh, maybe she's, no, no, she doesn't want it. Just let her sit with it for a second. She wants a couple licks, you know? She wants to feel it out. Way to go, Lach.

She's really skeptical. Well, if you give her a piece of meat, she might like it, but she maybe doesn't know what to do with a little chunk of bread That's a very cute doggo, yeah, cute as hell, but she knows how to play the long game now She's like, well, if I just sit here and stare they'll give me some more. Hmm. I Kind of want all my meat on my pizza All right, you've been saying, you were also saying you've been doing some golfing with your hubby. What is the, like, how did you get into golf

and what's your typical golf day? So I got into golf originally when I, oh gosh, when my parents got divorced. Oh, ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba. I was like, oh, I should have an activity I do with dad. Because I was the youngest of three. I was really the only one in the situation where it was like, this is now time with dad.

Everyone else, the other two were in college, basically. And it was like, you know, my dad and I would go see a movie or I'd go hang out, but it was like, oh, maybe we should have an activity. So then I started taking golf lessons. And then my mom took golf lessons and my brother took golf lessons too. And then they instantly got good at it.

And I hated it and quit and got furious cause I would like be really bad. And I don't like doing things I'm bad at. I'm with you. You know, it's hard. Cause wouldn't you rather do things you're good at? Yes, of course. Yeah. Especially when you're a kid. When you're a kid, like, you know, like, hard. Wouldn't you rather do things you're good at? Yes, of course, yeah. Especially when you're a kid.

When you're a kid, like, I suck at this, I don't wanna do this anymore. You're still a podcaster. Yeah, he says especially when you're a kid. As adults, we had to use things we're bad at all the time. Yeah, that's true. Drive, taxes. And then I got back into it like slowly,

I feel like it was like a family trip things or, then became, my mom started playing a lot, so it became like something fun that we could do. And then similarly, like when Morgan married into our family, he was, he would sometimes be the fourth to fill out the, like my brother, my brother-in-law, my mom and Morgan would sometimes go home. For some, like that's what happens with golf.

You gotta force them going. And it just kind of is like slow evolved, where I was like, well, maybe I could get into this because it's something to do outside. It's like, and then I feel like a lot of people got into it during COVID because it was something to do outside that was like a way to still see friends that was safer.

And yeah, but I'm still very bad and Morgan's gotten good, which is annoying. And so I can only play when we play like little rinky dink courses and it's still very much about like, you know, are we gonna get some beers? That's what I wanted to ask about. You know, we had recently on the podcast, we had link Smith, John O. Wilson

and was talking about the 19th hole, you know, you go and you go to the clubhouse and you get yourself a treat. What is that like? That's pretty fun, but I mean, when I, like, maybe it's because we're mostly playing in vacation mode, but like, my brother, Brother-in-law, and Morgan, it was like, we got like a tequila soda

from the cart person. Oh, so you're bringing it on the course. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's fun. And then you get to blame anything you do on that. Yeah. Which is great. Yeah, when John brought up the 19th hole,

you really perked up for a second. You were really interested in figuring out what the 19th hole was. I like the 19th hole. Yeah. I'm the way to concentrate with the 19th hole. Yeah, all right, you know what it is. All right.

What the 19th hole is. I think he thought it was a little something different when he first brought it up. I start tallying up, let's see, ear holes, eye holes. 19 holes, good God. I told you, one of my dad's last gifts to me was a set of golf clubs. Yeah.

And I have not really played that much when I'm trying to get back into golf, a nice outdoor sport, I like doing it. I just, I'm just very bad at it and I never. Yeah, it's hard. It's like impossible. Yeah. It's hard. Mitch, you got a beard crumb.

That's all right. All right. Yeah, that's all right. Okay, let's get to- Is it gone? Yeah, you got it. I got it. Let's get to Krispy Kreme. Hold on a second, I wanna talk about,

I wanna talk about Bugmane doesn't like Wicked. He told me this yesterday because he was like, he's like, the Wicked Witch tried to kill Toto. Like, how can you have a story about how she's good if she tried to kill Toto? Well, who passed that story on, you know? That's a good point. History is written by the winners, so.

We're watching a stage production of what, yeah. We don't know, we'll never know the, oh, there's three versions, yours, mine, and the truth. That is true, that's true. I agree, I'm on board. My mom and sister watched Wicked and I was, my mom was like, oh, I don't wanna watch Wicked. I saw the play and she didn't like it.

And then she watched the movie with my sister and she was like loving it at the end of it. Yeah. And I watched it, but I didn't pay too much attention to it. I gotta watch it again at some point. You watched it, Wags, right? I watched it at the theater, me and Natalie did. Did you go to a sing-along?

Did you go to a sing-along? No, I didn't go to a sing-along. No, I didn't go to a sing-along. No, but I would go to a sing-along at this point, now that it's been out for a while, and I have already seen it. Yeah, I've never been to a sing-along. I've never seen Rocky Horror Picture Show in the movie theater.

We went to a sing-along, we went to, I maybe told the story before, we went to a sing-along at the, what the fuck is the theater that's got the Disney-owned theater in Hollywood? The Pandages? The Egyptian. No, the Egyptian theater that's got the Disney-owned theater in Hollywood? The Pandages? The Egyptian? No, the Egyptian, that's the Egyptian, yeah.

Is the Egyptian, they had a sing-along of Little Mermaid. No, no, not the Egyptian. El Capitan. El Capitan, thank you. The El Capitan, we saw a production of, production, we saw a sing-along of Little Mermaid. And it was actually really fun. Which, like, the actual animated or the, like... Not the new one. No, not the woke one.

No. No, it was the cartoon. It was the animated one from When We Were Kids. And so it was like fun. I think that one's pretty woke too. They put the subtitles up on screens. You can sing along. It was great. At the end, when the credits come,

they had a mascot character of Sebastian. Great. You know, the subtitles up on screens, you can sing along, it was great. At the end, when the credits come, they had a mascot character of Sebastian. Great. And it turned into the part in Apocalypse Now where the GIs rush the stage at the USO show and try to like tackle the dancing girls. Oh no. It was fucking crazy. People were too excited.

People were too excited to see Sebastian. They were like running up the stage and they had to get security to like get people out of there. It was fucking wild. Wait, people or was it kids or was it people? It was adults. It was mostly Disney adults. What the fuck is wrong with us?

Dear Lord, that is insane. Yeah. I gotta get a pic with Sebastian. A man in a Sebastian, a man or woman in a Sebastian suit. That's fucking crazy. Yeah, it was wild. Then again, if we went to like,

Amelia has left, she's gone. Bye Amelia. If there was like an avatar showing and a Navi came out on that, we would probably rush the stage. Oh my God, if there was a Pyacon mascot character? Both be out there. One of our favorite whales.

Okay, so I know it's technically a tolkuun. Okay, let's talk about Krispy Kreme. Phew. Phew. I got so scared there for a second. Hey you, the listener, what sort of promises have you made to yourself this year? Getting in better shape, eating healthier, saving more money, traveling somewhere new? What about discovering a new culture by learning a new language?

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Mitch, you and I both made some crazy New Year's resolutions that you should not capable of keeping over the years. 100%, yeah. You know, like I'm just like, I'm gonna work out every single day. Or I'm just gonna eat healthy the entire year. Mitch, the solid stick deodorant, the cream tube deodorant, you know,

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when you use code DOBOYboys at shopmando.com. S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O.com. Use code doughboys to support our show and tell them we sent you. Smell fresher, stay drier, and boost your confidence from head to toe with Mando. Krispy Kreme founded in 1937 in Charlotte, North Carolina by Vernon Rudolph. Vernon brought his donut recipe, Mitch, from New Orleans down in Dubai. What's going on? What the fuck? I don't know.

A breaded donut recipe from Dubai. We reviewed Crispy Cream twice. Mitch, what a duo this is with Matt Besser and Sam Sanders. Wow. They got a two-man improv group, right? I would love that. I would see it. It is a Golden Plate Club member, and in fact, I believe it is the only six-fork score from

a guest. Sam Sanders gave it when we reviewed that in 2022. Now, Sam Sanders is a smart man, but I was starting to think, is Sam, say I'm sorry, no offense, are you a dumbass? Because I'm not sure. I just like- Hey, I said no offense, are you a dumbass? As I'm not sure. I just like, Hey, I said no offense. Are you a dumbass?

Are you stupid? Did you wear glasses, but it wasn't for, it was just for show? I feel like Sam, well, actually this shows how smart of a man he is. I'm calling him a dumb ass because he's clearly an intelligent man. But did he talk us into four forks? I was like, do I? I was there, I was already there.

You were already there? I didn't get to do it. A man, you know, and we had him on once, we had a lovely time, a lot of nostalgia, a lot of affection for Krispy Kreme. He really talked us into the regular Krispy Kreme donut when it's hot and fresh. The hot glazed is a showstopper.

It is fucking great. It is good. And that is like the, you know, like that is them delivering on the promise of the premise. Sam, maybe you're a genius. I don't know. Well, I don't know. Giving anything six forks.

Like that feels a little. Yeah. That's the thing Mitch came up with. So he had a lot of nostalgia. Mitch, I know you don't have a lot of nostalgia. You're from the town that founded Dunkin' Donuts. Jess, you and I, again, both from SoCal. Yeah, I'm not a nostalgic guy at all, really.

We didn't have, but you don't have nostalgia for Krispy Kreme. I have zero nostalgia for Krispy Kreme. We didn't have Krispy Kreme for basically my whole childhood. Like I remember when it came to LA, it was like a big fucking deal. I have zero nostalgia for Krispy Kreme. We didn't have Krispy Kreme for basically my whole childhood. I remember when it came to LA, it was a big fucking deal. So it was not a challenge. I grew up more with Winchell's and Yum Yum Donuts

as far as chains go. And when I finally had it, a lot had been promised about this chain, and I thought it delivered, honestly. My first few Krispy Kreme experiences, I was like, oh wow, I do see what the hype is. Yes, agreed. My first few Krispy Kreme experiences was like, oh wow, I do see what the hype is.

Yes, agreed. I, we used to get donuts from Yum Yum up the street from my house and we would always get donuts after an earthquake. That's my biggest association. Wow, wow. With donuts and earthquakes. Is there was like, oh, it's a weird day.

Well, we can go get donuts. And when Krispy Kreme came, it was like, this is a whole new style of donut. The lightness of the donut, like I was used to eating like a dense, cake-ier donut covered in like pink frosting or my mom's always been like a maple bar person. Love a maple bar. Love a maple bar, which in those are lighter, more like a glaze.

But yeah, I remember it being huge. And then I remember it being a big, when teachers, teacher appreciation week, I was still in elementary school, actually, so that's when it came. I remember like pushing a cart, like the milk cart around the classrooms with boxes of Krispy Kreme for the teachers,

like the PTA and the kids organized as like part of teacher appreciation week. And it was like, this is a showstopper. We're bringing in Krispy Kreme. That's how much we love you, teachers of Brookhaven. And I do also remember early slumber parties where it was like, dude, rumor is Whitney's mom's gonna get us Krispy Kreme in the morning.

And we're like, that's crazy because there's only the one by the block of orange and she's gonna have to be in a drive-through line for like four hours. But she's gonna have to be in a drive-through line for like four hours. Yes, yeah. But she's gonna do it. But she's gonna do it. And we were like, wow, that's amazing, Ms. Kershaw.

Thank you. Yeah. Like I remember it being really intense if some parent was gonna go do that for you, especially on a weekend. Yeah. Like sit in that line. Sure, yeah.

And get you Krispy Kreme. My Krispy Kreme, my first two experiences were both associated with movies. One was Fantasia 2000. And the other was the Jennifer Lopez movie, The Cell. That's your two Krispy Kreme? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you were getting it like before or after?

I believe after both times. Cool. Like it was like, saw a movie and it was like, hey, let's get Krispy Kreme. That's cool. Yeah. Saw two great movies, got Krispy Kreme. I like both those movies.

You like The Cell? I like The Cell. You don't like The Cell? Do people like The Cell? The Cell's good. Casey, you've seen The Cell? I've never seen The Cell. It's horror, right?

Isn't it a horror movie kind of? It's like an intro, it's like a, it's basically having to go into the subconsciousness of a serial killer. And it's like this really, you know, surreal sort of grotesque sort of environment. Who's the director? Tarsem Singh, is that correct? That's who it is, I'll look it up.

What a pull. Sounds like me every week on Doughboys, by the way. Tarsem Singh? No! Going into the subconscious of a serial killer. Oh. Tarsem, not Tarsem Singh. It's like, that's just like a way of describing your ethos.

By the way, I texted Sus and said we got pizza. I let him know that we got pizza. Is he coming back? I mean, probably. He probably will come back. I mean, there's not that many slices left. No, and I probably want one last slice. Yeah, I mean, I was thinking there's like two skinnies there

that I was like, ooh, that might be just right. Yeah, feel free. Yeah, grab a skinny. It is tarsem. It's sometimes just billed as tarsem or tarsem. But yeah, the fall, the other really well-known movie. I'm really wanting some hot honey too. Why is this is the Mamba pizza here.

I like it. It's a good cheese pizza. I might have another slice. We have the fat boy on my plate. Oh wait, did you guys get any pizza or no? You're good, you're good. Here you go. Take the big boy, I'll take the little guy.

It's kind of like us. Well, you're tiny compared to me. I'm not a little guy. I know, yeah, I know. You're, how's that? I'm a big guy. I know you are, I know you are. I'm not a little guy. I know, yeah, I know. You're, how's that? I'm a big guy. You are, I know you are. I'm not a little guy.

I know you're not a little guy, all right? It didn't work really. I was just, I, what else? No, I appreciate the effort. Okay, we're talking. Thanks. So this is the Krispy Kreme. The reason we're revisiting this is there is a,

there is a topical peg here. Krispy Kreme, and they throw in the X, but you don't pronounce the X. Krispy Kreme Pop Tarts Donuts is the collaboration. So there's a collaboration between these two brands. How do, but you don't pronounce the X. Crispy cream, pop tarts, donuts is the collaboration. So there's a collaboration between these two brands. How do you know you don't pronounce the X? That's how you don't do it. Like it's like, it's like spy X family.

You say spy family. Hunter X Hunter. You just say Hunter Hunter. The X is silent. The X is silent? The X is silent, yeah. You just say the two things on either side of the X. Really?

Yeah. I didn't know that. No, it's a thing. Hmm? If there's something X. No, it's a thing. Hmm? If there's something X something, if it's a collab. Yeah. Like let's say there was a Doughboyz Off Book crossover

and we build it as Doughboyz X Off Book. Yeah, you wouldn't say that X. You'd just say Doughboyz Off Book. What would you say? Could you say Doughboyz Times Off Book? No, well you say that if you wanna sound like a fucking idiot. Doughboyz Off Book, you just say it like that,

you don't pronounce the X. It's true. It's not a times, it's not next, it's not vocalized. I'm so sorry. All right, fine, I didn't know that the X was, I didn't know it was silent. Well, you learned it. It's interesting, because it's essentially operating like an ampersand.

Sure. But I guess what they're saying is sort of multiplying, which is that specifically the sum of their parts is gonna create a better whole. You know? Yeah, I get what you're saying. Is that the internalized branding of the X? I think it must be.

Mitch is putting his glasses back on. I get what you're saying. I get it now. The other thing that is, Pop Tart's also kind of back in the zeitgeist because of the Jerry Seinfeld movie, Unfrosted. I really did not care for the movie Unfrosted. You did not like Unfrosted. I did not like it, yeah.

It was a tough one. It was a rough watch. Oh, you know what? Cause like, sorry, with pizza in my mouth. But like if we were to say, Doughboy's an off book with the ampersand. It might be us sharing a two hour slot where we each take an hour. Right, right, right, right.

The times is, we're doing a musical about Taco Bell. Yeah, we're putting our forces together. Yeah. Yeah, we're combining our... Are you in Unfrosted? You're not in it? No. Okay, right, I didn't know if you were.

But such a good, I feel like, yeah, a lot of people are for like one second. I would have the good sense to not say that movie sucked in front of someone who was in it. Well, I didn't know it, that's what I was checking. Honestly, I was doing the same thing in my head about you. I was like, was Mitch in it? We both were worried about that.

That's very funny. We have friends in that movie. The credits is, and this is a thing they've talked about in podcast, right? The credits sequence of Unfrosted is Wild because it's an original Jimmy Fallon, Megan Trainor song. And it's one of those things where they, so they're performing an original song,

but then everyone is like doing a lip dub slash dance to it for everyone from the cast. And so many of them are just like completely checked out. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't blame them. Movies are off watch. I don't watch that in that moment. Okay, so the, so Krispy Kreme Pop Tarts Donuts collab, beginning January 6th, Mitch, for a limited time, fans can enjoy this Tasty Smash Up, featuring threereme Pop Tarts Donuts Collab. Beginning January 6th, Mitch, for a limited time,

fans can enjoy this tasty smash-up, featuring three classic Pop Tarts flavors. So here they are, Pop Tarts filled, Pop Tarts Frosted Strawberry Donut, Pop Tarts Frosted Chocolatey Fudge Donut, and Pop Tarts Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon Donut. We got all three of these bad boys, along with some original glazed donuts as a base on it.

January 6th wasn't that fun this year, I just gotta say. You know when your Christmas, Christmas day isn't like, it wasn't a good Christmas? It was kind of a snooze. It was kind of a snooze this year. It was a bummer. Yeah, yeah. So. Next year, next year.

Here's what I'll say off the bat. Mm-hmm. Two of these absolutely deliver on feeling like pop tarts. And I feel like the frosted chocolatey fudge donut to me just seemed like a chocolate donut. The exact same like the frosted chocolatey fudge donut to me just seemed like a chocolate donut. The exact same opinion. That was gonna be one of my headlines was like,

I'm not sure. Now I don't think I've ever had the fudgy Pop Tart, but again, I don't feel like fudgy Pop Tart is any sort of, everyone, if you'd say Pop Tart is picturing either brown sugar cinnamon or strawberry. Right, or some other fruit flavor. And then there's the outward flavors from there. It's like, yes, they also have like a blue razz. They have a s'mores, they have a cookies and cream,

they have seasonal ones. But the two iconic launches, I feel like, and maybe they launched with all three, but I feel like that's not what people were eating. My microphone flag fell off when Ches is talking. Oh, well, people know that you're at Head Gum. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You nailed it.

This whole time, he's been at Head Gum. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. He didn't leave, there were no cuts. If we pan to a different camera, he was here the whole time. He was here the whole time. No cuts. No cuts. There's hunks outside of this little room here working all day.

Why is everyone a hunk? Everyone is a hunk here, including, it was very funny, one of the lady hunks, I guess we could call them. She came in while we were eating the donuts and basically, it made me laugh so much. She was like, we were all talking about how we didn't eat before, and she was like, you guys are gonna be so sick, and she laughed.

Do you remember that moment? Yes, yeah. My back was sad to miss any moment of a hunk. A lot of fun. Any type of hunk. Yeah, you're correct that the chocolatey fudge, and I don't even know what flavor it is. I guess frosted chocolatey fudge is the flavor,

is pretty deep in the Pop-Tarts bench. 100%. It's like, if they'd had a s'mores, even if the s'mores was like, this doesn't necessarily taste pop tarty, it at least reminds me of a distinct pop tart flavor. Can I say I'm so happy they didn't have a s'mores because it just would have sucked, I feel like.

I don't think they could have executed a good s'mores. I'll say this, it was the least pop tarts flavor, but the chocolate donut wasn't my least favorite of the donuts. Interesting. Interesting, but you're also a chocolate guy. I like chocolate, yes. the chocolate donut wasn't my least favorite of the donuts. Interesting. Interesting. But you're also a chocolate guy. I like chocolate, yes.

The cinnamon sugar one, which was my favorite pop tart, didn't, the donut version didn't, it was just kind of like a nothing to me. It was like, I don't think I like cinnamon, like the cinnamon cream, you know what I mean? Like I would rather be a cinnamon-y donut. And I know that there is a kind of a cinnamon, that's like a liquid cinnamon in those Pop Tarts.

But it didn't really convey that either to me. It was the jelly, the, or the strawberry Pop Tart donut worked for me completely. I will say, I didn't really care for the chocolatey fudge one versus the other two, I thought it was okay. Jemmy really didn't like the chocolatey fudge one. What do you mean? She was really not into it.

Do you fetter the chocolatey fudge one? Yeah, she's like, I don't want that. Oh no. What are you doing? Okay, cut, we have to go to the hospital. Oh, just kidding. She's still just knocking around. Yeah, she does not.

Oh yeah, you can take that away, she's not gonna eat it. She does not want that. It's still there. Okay, don. Yeah, she does not. Oh yeah, you can take that away, she's not gonna eat it. She does not want that. It's still there. Okay, don't eat that later, Mitch, okay? I won't. Hee hee hee. So let me read the descriptions real quick. The frosted strawberry, unglazed shelled donut

filled with strawberry filling, dipped in shortbread icing, topped with shortbread pieces, sugar sprinkles, strawberry filling drizzle, and a strawberry pop tarts bite. We'll get back to that. Maybe just on the cusp of unga pachka from the description, but we'll talk about how it comes together in execution. The frosted chocolatey fudge is original glazed donut dipped in chocolate icing topped with brownie butter flavored buttercream, crushed frosted chocolate fudge pop tarts bites and white non-pareils. All right, this is another word I'm going to say incorrectly. Non-pareils?

Non-pareils, is that how you say it? Non-pareils? Yeah. Non-pareils. Like sprinkles, like circle sprinkles. Non-pareils. Right? Yeah, like the little tiny balls.

Apropos. Yeah. Apropos. Apropos. Apropos. I think you said a pro-pros. A pro-ropos. Apropos. Apropos. I think you said a pro pros. A pro pros. Pros pros.

Pop tarts, frosted brown sugar cinnamon donut is cinnamon sugar donut topped with brown sugar cinnamon cream cheese flavored buttercream and a frosted cinnamon roll pop tarts bite tart. So they all have like a little mini pop tart that's on top of them. Which is, I think it's a fun, I think it's fun. I think it's a lot of fun.

And I'll say this, if you're sharing the donuts as we were, although we had enough where we could have each taken one full donut, but come on, what are we gonna do? We're gonna each eat four full donuts before recording? And also Susser was here. Susser was here, that was the other thing. So we were subdividing these. So there's really only enough for one bite per donut

that has the Pop-Tart on it, but we did each get to try each of the mini Pop-Tarts. And I will say, if you have it in context with the donut bite, I thought it worked really well. On its own, it's kind of a little too potent. Was there one for the chocolate donut? No, but it's crushed. No, there wasn't, yeah, it was crushed on it.

Yeah, you're right, you're right. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah. I liked them. I thought they were a hit. I kind of liked them too. I mean, I thought the mini pop tarts were almost like, it almost didn't taste like anything.

Honestly, maybe it tasted better than like a cold regular Pop Tart because it was more jammy or whatever. Yes, better than a, yeah, cold. Yeah, the ratio of like pastry to filling was like pretty fun. Yeah, and it wasn't like, you know how like Pop Tarts are like stiff and cardboardy? Yeah. These weren't that.

They also kind of remind, they had almost like more of like a shortbread texture. They really operated as like mini cookies to me. Yes. In a way that I thought was pretty fun. Like dunking just a few of those in a glass of milk, that's a good time. I think it would be a great time.

Shortbread is a great way to characterize it. Yeah, and I will say, cause you know, you're eating a lot of donuts, it's a little mushy, little chewy. It's nice to have a little bit of crunch on there. It was a great texture. Yeah, it was a nice little crunch. I think I'm realizing,

because brown sugar cinnamon is my favorite pop tart. Yeah, mine too. That's my favorite pop tart. Yeah, until recently, I didn't like hot fruit. Interesting. Yeah, so I didn't like fruit pies, or any time fruit goo. Actually, when I was a kid, I used to say

I only liked fruit in its original form. I didn't like fruit at the bottom of yogurt. I would just like, I would eat fruit. Apple sauce? No. No. So you're talking to two guys who probably liked fruit in goo form the most.

Yeah, more of a goo guy. What converted you to the hot fruit? Just like adulthood and maturity. Yeah, I was just like, I can't have like a kid sized list of things I don't eat. I need to have it be an adult size list, which is like allergens, things you're trying to cut back on. And maybe I still have mushrooms on it, but I keep trying.

So what are you, okay, so you're in a situation where you're gonna get yourself a piece of pie. What pies are you eyeing? I would rather have like a key lime pie, a chocolate pie, a coconut cream pie. I'd rather go that direction. A pumpkin pie, a pecan pie. But now I'm like, yeah, I like a peach pie

or an apple pie or a cherry pie. You may be not ordering it, but if someone made one, you're gonna have a piece and enjoy it. Sure. But to me, it's gonna just like become a mixture of crispy dough, mushy dough, fruit filling. And I'm gonna just sort of like, it's gonna be just a slop.

Yeah, sure. But it's okay, it's like nice and flavorful and homey. Have you like made peace with the hot fruit side of things? Like, can you have like a piece of warm apple pie a la mode or something like that? Yeah, yeah. Okay. I think the heat was not the issue. It was like the texture. Texture, got it.

That was associated when fruit was hot. And so I think I just had to like get over that. But it's still not my favorite, favorite version of a dessert. Sure. And so as a, in relation to that, I had no time for the fruit pop tarts growing up and absolutely lived off of. So saying earlier, I'm not a breakfast person,

I never was, and it was just like a horrible Everest for my mom to climb as I was growing up that she insisted I like leave for school with having something. And I would just be like, no, no, no, like wouldn't eat anything, was really, really picky. And even as I got older, I'd be like, I'm actually just physically not hungry yet.

You've packed me a lunch. I promise you, I eat this bar at recess and I have this apple, I'll eat in one more hour, but I'm just not hungry. And she was just like, you have to have something. I can't send you out the door with nothing. And that basically meant she just gave me sugar because the only thing we could agree on

was I would have Pop Tarts. So often I would be driven to school, obviously running late with a brown sugar, cinnamon Pop Tart and a Sunny D. So just like an absolute sugar. And one thing she did do for me, cause she's the best, is she would also make me oven churros. Oh, that's wow.

Cause she's like, it's basically a waffle. I don't know, just please eat something. I like, good God. And she'd bag me a very healthy lunch. So she knew like the food I was eating waffle. I don't know, just please eat something. Good God. And she'd bag me a very healthy lunch, so she knew the food I was eating the rest of the day was healthier, but I don't know why. Your poor mom dealing with your little Tracy Flick ass. I know, right?

I was just like, it's so funny to me now because I'm still the same way. It takes me forever to get hungry. And when I was in middle school and high school, I had to be at school at seven or 6.55. Yes, me too. I can't eat yet. Like my stomach would feel like not awake yet.

I talk about this, I still root for snow days. Well, I know that you guys don't experience those, but as an adult, I still root for snow days. As an adult, I still think homework is not good. I don't love homework. No, it sucks. And the day should start later, especially for high schoolers. I agree. Like a high schooler's day should start later for, especially for high schoolers. I agree.

Like a high schooler's day should start at like 10 a.m. basically. You should be going in at 10. Yeah, but it's also like what is schooling actually for? It's for, you know, getting your, it's for teaching obedience when you're working a job, right? That's ultimately the goal. And so like, yeah, you're going to learn to force feed before you get into your shift. Yeah, exactly, that's right. Or it's also a version of childcare.

And if they're starting at 10, that's really hard for working parents. Yeah, that's part of it too. But that's the other thing too, is that, but for high schoolers, I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And high schoolers can go to school on their own for crying out loud, can't they?

They're gonna be up to no good for a few hours when they're unattended. That's what it's all about. They're probably gonna be sleeping. Every third Wednesday, my high school had late start day where we started at 9.30 for zero period and 10.30 for regular. And one of those late start mornings,

you know what I did with that time? What's that? Made out with my boyfriend. Hell yeah. Whoa, shit. It's cool as hell. Yeah, yeah, that's cool. Oh yeah, I know.

So yeah, you never know what 9.15 is gonna bring out in a teenager. Same thing for us, right? Oh yeah, 100%. I absolutely love pitching these types of jokes in front of the two of you. I'm just making you like, yeah, yeah, same, same. Same.

Tongues and everything. 7.45 was our, I think the late bell at my high school was 745 a.m. at North Quincy High School. Was your, because I had a zero period, but it was for music. Zero period. Yeah, zero, we started super fucking early. A whole extra period early,

so 655 is when I had to be at school. That's what I remember, it was before 7 a.m. And I was like. Before 7 a.m. Yeah, it was so fucking early. And I had like the worst sleep problem, so I'd always just be like half asleep going into school. Were you a late nighter at this point when you were born?

Yeah, I was. This was before, yeah. 730 was our first spell. Way too fucking early. To be in school before seven is insane. Yeah, I mean it was voluntary to do that. Like band or something? Or like freshman year, mine was choir,

and then they offered a few- So choir, there's a choir class and make out class. Yeah, exactly, yeah. They have like a few academic ones every year cause they were also for kids who like wanted to take more classes, so sophomore year took Spanish too, and junior year, this was a weird one,

they never offered it again, they offered honors, English, a zero period to help kids with like impacted schedules. Oh wow. Tracy Flicks. And that was a mistake. Anything like too, too academic that early, you were just like not really functioning. And then my absolute favorite and was my senior year,

I still had to do one more PE credit. So I took zero period weightlifting and it ruled. That sounds awesome. Yeah, it ruled. It was like- Hey, that's why your Cape Codders are looking so good. Thanks Coach Conley. It was the best. But it meant only my senior year did I have my license. And I got it a month late, so I was in a back parking lot,

a new one. And it was right next to the track. And we started every weight lifting class with a quarter mile. And then on Fridays, we we were gonna have the mile. But all you had to do was be there by the time your name was called, and that counted as on time.

And that would actually be more at like 7.05, or 7.02, because they gave us like changing time. Oh, that's nice. So I would just, I knew I had like a couple extra precious minutes, and I parked, I would go to school in my gym clothes with my school clothes ready to change into later. I parked right by the track and hopped the fence.

And as long as I was there by McKenna, which I almost always was, and he would alternate. He'd go from A's and then sometimes he'd go from Z's, but M always in the middle, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're saying pretty. Right in the middle. Yeah, smack dab. I get the W's, so I was always at the end.

I don't remember any teacher ever going reverse alphabetical order, so yeah, I was always waiting. Yeah. I don't remember any teacher ever going reverse alphabetical order, so I was always waiting. Yeah. M's right, nice and mediocre, the M, that's where I am. You know an M and a W, it's upside down. Boy, Mitch, that's you guys. It's like we got a Mario Wario sort of relationship. Yeah.

Yeah, we do. Let me guess who you think Wario is. Well, and as the hottest buffist person, I know, the- Might be mine. I know, hey, it might be mine, but I'm just saying like, it's like, it's the default option. I feel like the people are like,

the other characters are a little bit more colorful, a little bit more distinct. But I think even before Luigi Mangione, there was the Luigi, back in Luigi Tennis, they had like the visible outline of his hog, you remember? And then people measured that he had like a four and a half inch flaccid hog in a fucking hanger. Looked just like Florida.

Yeah. Yeah. Surprised he could even hit his backhand with a Tallahassee like that. My face, so we did have Pop Tarts as a kid. Similar sort of thing in my house. I was not like necessarily the pickiest of eaters But I did like prefer garbage and I think my parents were just happy for me to be eating anything

So you're you're having a pop tart before you're 6 a.m. Fucking no no by then I was California schools No by then my dad was making me like a little this again Just like parents going above and beyond my dad and fucking go like he had to go to community college or public university and teach a class, but he was like making me breakfast beforehand for school. But he would make me like a little egg sandwich. That's nice. Didn't your dad teach clowning 101? Fucking clown ass dad.

How dare you? Taught chemistry, Mitch. Pie plus face equals laughs. It's not even chemistry. Mitch, you take those glasses off, you do so many things. I don't deserve them. My dad, every day would go to work, he'd put on his big shoes and get in his tiny car,

go make money for his family. He carpooled with his co-workers. He picked up a few of them. 15 in a car. So, but we did have Pop Tarts. It was usually not breakfast. It was usually just like a snack. It was usually just like a treat, more of a sweet treat.

Like it would be there with the chip ahoy's. But I was a big frosted strawberry guy. That was like my, I did like that hot fruit. And I did like that frosting layer. A lot of times I would eat them cold out of the bag, but you know, like toasted, there's nothing wrong, no problem with that. They're cool because they're hot.

Yeah, exactly. My favorite here, Mitch, I think they were all pretty decent. I liked the chocolatey one the least and I thought it was the least pop tarty. I thought the frosted strawberry donut was just a really good execution. It was good.

I thought it really was good. And it really tasted like a pop tart in donut form. I agree. I wanted to like brown sugar the best, but I do agree that the strawberry is the best promise of the premise delivered. And also the only thing I would take away from it is that top jam drizzle.

And I think we also lost a lot in the cutting, but I was like, you can let the jam just sing on the inside. Like, just I think the stickiness wasn't needed, but those shortcake crumbles, that was really, really nice. Shortcake crumbles are great. The drizzle on the top, this is the first off, so they're just kind of Peter North-ing some like strawberry icing over the top of it. But the issue is that to me is toaster strudel.

That's not Pop-Tart. Like the drizzle is the toaster strudel. That's not Pop-Tart. Like the drizzle is the toaster strudel. What's up doing there? And they were worthing it. They were Mike Mitchell-ing it, if anything. It was very, they weren't like, it was just a little bit of stuff. It wasn't drenched.

It wasn't a lot, but it was kind of in that sort of, you know. Speaking of which, one of them didn't have a- Kind of ropey. For lack of a better word, one jelly donut did not have a full load inside of it. It was... That's true. It was... That is the only way to describe it.

One of them sort of lacked, I would say, a full load. You all saw it. We saw it. I had to tell you which quarter had any goo worth its goo. Yeah. I think I started crying and I said, which one has goo? And you calmed me down quickly.

And I said, hey, listen, someone spent hundreds of dollars on this. So in my day, we only have Pop Tarts or Krispy Kreme? I think they all should have been filled. Because to me, that's a Pop Tart. That's what a Pop Tart is. I agree. They all should have been filled donuts.

And only one of these was filled. I think if the Frosted brown sugar cinnamon one has some sort of filling in there, then it's like, that's a little bit more Pop-Tarty. That said, it was still was a delightful donut. I thought it was really yummy. I think it needed, yeah, if it was filled and then less reliance on such a thick slab

of cream cheese, buttercream, which is like, cream cheese is not a flavor profile associated with like, not in my Pop Tart. And so- And also more kind of, I mean, I know it's, but it reminds you more of a Toaster Strudel. Yeah, yes, cause that drizzle had a cream cheesy taste to it. Yes, yeah.

And some of them, I think even had cream cheese, like cream cheese and fruit or whatever, yeah. It almost makes you wonder with how these sort of branding things come together, if they had like, they were like 90% of the way towards a deal with toaster strudel, and then they were like, well that fell apart. All right, let's see if we can get Pop Tarts,

and they didn't wanna redo their recipes. Interesting. I don't know. Does toaster strudel have the might to elicit a collab like that? It does not have the same cache, but if they had Dunkin' Donuts X, I just said it aloud, they said Dunkin' Donuts.

Well, well, well. Toaster strudel. Fucking X is silent, eh? Does Dunkin' Donuts. Well, well, well. Toaster strudel. Fucking X is silent, eh? Does Dunkin' do a Girl Scout cookie? Ooh, I think they maybe do, yes. That's a pretty good collab. I also think in retrospect what we're losing, and it's not maple, it's brown sugar,

but it's that different sweetness that a brown sugar has that has a toastiness to it, a molasses-like taste versus pure sugar. I don't think I was getting that flavor note and that is what is so fun to me about the brown goo in the brown, it has like molasses sweetening, brown sugar has a different sweetness to it. And I wasn't getting that as much.

I think cinnamon I was getting, but I wasn't really getting brown sugar. I was just getting cinnamon and sugar. Again, kind of more of a churro donut. It really tasted like a churro donut. But it was good, but I thought it was delightful. Tonga donuts does have the Girl Scout cookie, they did Girl Scout cookie coffees, it looks like.

Yeah, that sounds right. So the glazed donuts we also got, they were not warm, but they're still a very solid glazed donut. And then nice to have as a little pallet cleanser slash baseline. The other thing we got is we got the glazed donut coffee. This is horrifying. Yeah, this is a big whiff.

It is so, so sweet. I have had this for, it's sitting in my Yeti mug and I've had this for whatever, this was probably two hours ago when this order arrived at this point. And I've drinking maybe like a quarter of this. It is just so potent, it is so sugary. And it's a thing you don't need

when you're eating a bunch of donuts. I'd rather just have a black coffee versus something that, what they say is the flavoring is vanilla, but it is just such a, I think is a strong amount of vanilla in order to be a simulacrum in liquid form of the glazed donut. And it's just over the top.

I agree. Yeah. It's really sweet. Way too sweet. I normally drink my coffee black. So anything that I'm having in it is like a bump up, but this was like, I mean, took my breath away. How do you make your coffee?

You got like a drip maker? What do you do? I do pour over on essentially a Chemex, but not a Chemex that has like a mesh reusable instead of using paper filters. I've switched to a French press system in recent years. I do like the French press, having a lot of success. Also- You know my thing, you know.

What? You tell me. Every morning I do a French press. I told the world. I like French press. Mm, duh. Oh, that's a good press. I told the world. I like French press. Mm, duh. Oh, that's a good joke. Wow. Sorry I interrupted it.

That's great. I thought you were gonna say you call over your French neighbor and see how many raps you can do. Come here, Marcel. Um, uh, Morgan doesn't drink coffee, so I'm always only making it for just me, too. Yeah, sure. And recently had folks in my house in the morning

and I was like, oh gosh, this makes me like wanna have a larger way to make coffee. But I do French press in the summer. I have like a big French press that I make cold brew in. And it just lives in the fridge and it's like a pitcher. Oh, that's great. Yeah. Are you cold coffee ever?

You were disappointed that this wasn't hot when it came. I wanted this sun bitch to be hot. I wanted mine hot too. I was disappointed that it was cold. They all came iced. Maybe that's just how they deliver them. I do hot coffee. My issue with cold brew is,

I don't know if this is psychosomatic, I feel it's so strong. Shit yourself? Oh, sorry. I don't shit myself. Need a golden corral and an incense? No, it's less intestinal distress and more just like I feel like I can see through time.

Like I feel like it's like so, the caffeine really hits me. Yeah. You know what, I do a single coffee bean in the morning. Nope, that's it. That's all I do. That's all, and that keeps me going through the day, basically. And do that before or after your French press?

It's right after my French press. Okay, got it, got it. So you finish all your reps. Yeah, and then I say, mmm, when I do it. Is that, is that French? Oh, wait, I have something in my nose. No one look at me. Okay, don't look at Mitch.

Hey, don't look at him. Don't look at Mitch. Don't look at him. Don't look at Mitch. I honestly don't look at him. Don't look at Mitch. Don't look at him. Don't look at Mitch. I honestly think that was maybe, this is disgusting, but I think it might've been sugar from the donut. That was- Like in your nostrils?

Just eat it, not sort it. I think there was- I think there was- You're doing the line of cinnamon sugar? I think there was a thing of sugar in my nostril. Wow. Oh, that's tough. Yeah.

That's tough. That's a tough look sugar in my nostril. Wow. Oh, that's tough. Yeah. That's a tough look, my guy. That was tough. That one's gonna be hard to come back from. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Mitch, it's 2025, new year. Always got some two years resolutions, always doing things we try to do a little bit differently. Me, I got a new ritual I do, which is that I lay out my workout clothes the night before. So I wake up with my alarm, I'm ready to go. I'm ready to get some steps in.

Oh, I like that. You know what I'm trying to do? I'm trying to take in more water this year. I'm trying to hydrate myself. Well, whatever you do, come into your own, your own way. With Extraordinary Hydration from Liquid IV. This fits just what I want to do. Keep going. Powered by LIV HydroScience, Liquid IV helps you break the mold. With flavors like their new Hydration Multiplier Sugar-Free Raspberry Lemonade,

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Because you're a guy who's on the road a lot. You're traveling, you're going home, you're flying all over the country, all over the world for work. I'm a guy on the go. Yeah. And you know what? When I go up over the country, all over the world for work. I'm a guy on the go. Yeah.

And you know what? When I go up to say me and the Quincy boys are going up to Maine for a long weekend, I'll take one there. I'll take one after the flight. It's good to get some, good to hydrate yourself. But why? It's just at the end of the day when I need some nice hydration. I'll just take it at the end of the night. Yeah, it's great just for, you know, whatever, after a hard workout or just you're maybe not feeling

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It's a succulent, delicious, flavorful dish. Wags, I had to buy that, you know what I thought? What's that? That's Gouda. And you know what I like, Wags? I like Nona's Sunday beef bolognese. You know how I tasted that? And I was thinking, that's Gouda. Eat smart with Factor.

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Pop Tarts collab. on your first box. Wow. Let's get to our final thoughts on the Krispy Kreme Pop Tarts collab. So Jess, you've done the show, veteran of the show. You know how this works. We'll each go around, give our closing argument and end by giving it a fork score from zero to five. And we can talk about it for Krispy Kreme in totality, not just this experience.

Jess, your guess, guess will begin with you. I still thought the quality of donut across the board was really, really high. I still think that I liked the mini pop tarts a lot. I agree that the strawberry was the strongest execution of the silent X of really bringing two things together. That one felt most like a pop tart donut. None of them were two things together. That one felt most like a Pop-Tart donut. None of them were a bad bite.

I don't particularly find myself drawn to a fudgy donut that is using brownie batter frosting. That's already so off in another additional dessert zone. That I don't really need that one, but I thought the brown sugar very much like a churro donut. I still enjoyed the flavor profile thing. They could have done a little bit more. Everything was still very high quality,

but I think for the slight fall off of like what could be perfect execution on what is a pretty promising collab, I gotta go four forks. Four forks, wow. Still high score. Yeah, very good score. Still in Golden Play Club. I was more of a toaster strudel.

Actually, you can go first. Oh, kind of a health net over here. Toaster strudel, frosting optional, okay. I gotta get my secondary screen out here. You know, everyone these days is talking about the two screen experiences, but this two screen experience will actually enhance the podcast, because I don't have text,

my text message is my iMessage on my iPad, but I do have it on my phone, which I've gotten here. Because since the commissioner, Evan Susser, was present, and he was such a factor in us doing this chain and crafting this order and us ultimately landing on pizza, I believe that it is only a pro-prose to allow him to have his say here. Wow. Susser's thoughts.

The coffee was a bust. He also got the same thing, the glazed donut coffee. But come on, Krispy Kreme is good. Four forks. Wow. Who am I to disagree with the commissioner himself? I came in thinking Krispy Kreme was a four fork chain. That was my score last time we reviewed it.

And I stand by this. I think this was a four fork experience. I think this absolutely delivered on the Pop Tarts theming. I think that two of the three of them were hits. I think that one of them was great. And I think I agree with Jess that the overall quality of the donut is high. This is a four fork chain.

I don't go to Krispy Kreme for coffee. This is a donut chain. Yeah, the donut is high. This is a four fork chain. I don't go to Krispy Kreme for coffee. This is a donut chain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is a fucking donut chain. So in terms of what it's trying to accomplish, it's trying to have great donuts and I think it succeeds, four forks.

Yeah, I would never ding it for the coffee. No. Because I looked at that menu and they have black coffee I could have ordered. Yeah, I would have just gotten that. But also I'll probably just go to like a Starbucks or a coffee bean and get a coffee instead Don't you like it when sus is like hey, I want stuff I'm coming in and then he comes in He's also kind of in a bad

Happen like multiple times. Yes, I'm mad about what you're coming here and taking food. Why are you seem upset? What he was he was in a bad mood? Well, it was, I was talking, I was texting him, he's like, let's get, you want to get something for lunch before, he mentioned the pizza, he wanted lunch of some sort. Yeah. And then I, he messaged me and was like, you want to do lunch?

And I was like, what do you want to do? And he didn't answer. So I went and showered and I came back and it was like 20 to 30 minutes later. Showered? Things happen. Some stuff went down the drain. Let's just say that.

There might be a few clogs in those firefighters' hoses, as we've said. It goes out of my shower into the fire hoses. I don't know. Oh my gosh. It goes out of my shower into the fire hose. I don't know. I don't know. But um. Ah ha. Oh my gosh. Susser, I got out and I was like, what do you want to do?

Cause it was, he was like, it's too late now. And I was like, you seem mad. He was like, I'm pissed. And I was like, okay, he seems mad. But he was the one who, he wanted pizza. He wanted donuts. Yeah. We gave him half of that and there,

he can come and get the pizza if he wants it. Anyways, Suss is right. He can come and get three slices of cold pizza. If he wants it. You think that's below him? I would not be surprised if he showed up and walked out with that box. Pop tarts I did enjoy.

And the cinnamon sugar ones or the cinnamon flavored ones were my favorite when I was younger. I was more of a health guy, I was more of a toaster strudel guy. And I liked warm fruit, but I got what you were saying. You know when you get like a piece of like peach or apple that's like too hot, you know what I mean?

And you're like, yeah. Oh, that's, to me that was Boy Scouts one when they'd make like cobbler in a Dutch oven. It's like always be like super fucking hot. And I'm just a fat little boy wanting to eat it right away and burning my mouth Yeah, and it's very like I like a cobbler, but it has to be cooked to like the perfect Texture if you get like a hot Solid a piece of fruit that is pretty gross. It can be like molten lava and hurt, you know, yeah Yeah, tricky. Yeah hot tomato too is like the word word. Or any sort of hot squash if it's too hot

can really sort of scald you. Because also sometimes it's hiding hot water in there. Yeah, that hot water content, yeah. You bite down. Oh yeah. Ouchy. Ouchy mouthy. Ouchy mouthy.

Ouchy mouthy. Ouchy mouthy. Ouchy mouthy. Ouchy mouthy. Ouchy mouthy. Ouchy mouthy. Look, there was no ouchy mouthies today. No.

I like a nice roasted tomato though, sometimes. No, hey, I got nothing against a hot tomato. I'm just saying that you get that thing, it can be scalding if you bite into it and that sumbitch is too hot. I gotta tell you, I'm always pushing the limit of food temp. Really? Yeah, I'm always diving in impatiently.

Are you doing that with your coffee too? Because that was the thing I had to, yeah, because I have black coffee and so there's nothing to cool it down. So I was like, this has too? Cause that was the thing I had to, yeah. So my, cause I have black coffee and so there's nothing to cool it down. So I was like, this has just got to sit for a few minutes before I have to sit. Well, I will say the pour over

and I do my Gooseneck set at 207, which is supposed to be like best for bean health. Yeah. And that, it makes it already not that hot. Interesting. Just if you're interested. Wow. I'm rarely having a hot, hot.

It's warm enough and I put it immediately into an insulated mug so it stays pretty hot, but it's never burning my mouth when I have it at home. But then when I forget and I go into the wild, hot black coffee, I mean. Yes. Whew, ask him for trouble. Hot coffee is too hot and then apples have gotten too big.

Those are my two big takes. Wait, hot and then apples have gotten too big. Those are my two big takes. Wait, what? Apples have gotten too big. Good grocery store, the apples are too fucking big. Does not sound like something I thought you would complain about. All right. It's kind of fun.

Have you seen how big these apples are? They're too big. I don't know. No, I want it to be a snack. I don't know, I gotta get all day to eat this fucking thing. Yeah, yeah, it's a meal. I don't know. You got an issue with a big apple. A tiny apple sucks though.

You don't want a tiny apple. I don't mind a tiny apple. All right. I'd rather have a regular size apple, but I think there's just too much genetic manipulation and chemical, all these fucking pesticides and shit that have gotten these things so fucking big. Yeah.

And I'm like, I don't need this anymore. All right. All right. Fair enough. I don't need an apple the size of a grapefruit. I want an apple the size of an apple. Give me a reasonably sized apple. Where the hell are you buying your apples?

Where are these grapefruit? I believe you. Go to the fucking grocery store. I believe you, I believe you, I believe you. Especially if you're buying a non-organic, if you're just buying a really, these chemically fattened things, they're fucking huge. We're all chemically fattened in some way.

That's true, Mitch. You and I especially, from the last 10 years. We got the Bain chemical, but it's just to make you fatter. And not strong. Yeah. It's tricky with me with Krispy Kreme. First of all, Krispy Kreme, that's nasty. You don't like the name?

I think the name's fun. The name is Krispy Kreme, that's nasty. You don't like the name? I think the name's fun. The name is a Krispy Kreme, but it's Krispy. I think it's fun. That's nasty. That's nasty. It's nasty, Nick. All right, sounds like someone showered too recently.

Krispy Kreme, that's Krispy. I disagree that that's nasty. I don't think it's nasty. I think it's a good name. I mean, I obviously won you. If it was Krusty Kreme, that would be disgusting. That would be gross. Krusty Kreme is nasty.

Krusty Kreme is very close to Krusty Kreme. It's not that close. I mean, it's not hard for you to go with your brain. You're like, oh, the donut is crispy and the cream is creamy. Yeah. God damn it. Sorry.

I didn't have my glasses on. No, you know, you know I love to be on your side, Mitch, but just, yes, you can obviously think of it as gross, but you don't have to. Yeah, you don't have to. I think this is a chain that's close to your guy's heart, and I almost wanna give it 3.99 forks, but I'm gonna be a little stinker,

why would I be a little stinker like that? You guys love it, I love that you guys love it. And I do think that those, those, the glazed, the fresh hot glazed are- Yeah, so fucking good. They're good. That's like a signature item. Yeah.

It's like a McDonald's french fryer. Like, yeah, you do this thing incredibly well. Right. Yeah. And you know what? For that, but I mean, the coffee was bad. Coffee, yeah, the coffee was bad. The jelly donut was good. Sadly, the cinnamon sugar one should have been,

they should have just made that one different. And the chocolate one meant nothing to us, but I thought it tasted okay. Like imagine a filled donut, a cinnamon filling with just like a brown butter glaze, like a, you know. Ooh, that sounds delightful. Really like a lighter top. Yeah. Too, you know, like- That sounds delightful. Really like a lighter top.

Yeah. Too much frosting reliance on flavor profile there, but yeah. I agree, I agree. I thought that these donuts were pretty good though. I can't deny it. Yeah, they were good. Four forks.

Wow, four forks, staying in the golden plate club. Wow, it's the four fork chime. As Mitch's phone goes off. It's a new thing. If something gets four forks. It's knocking on the door of the Golden Plate Club and the door's going brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I said you're maybe being paranoid. And it is just my neighbors are walking by and it just caught them in the corner. Okay, what are they up to? What are their names and their addresses?

Which one's the French one that you press? Well, he of course is a mime. Oh, sure. Oh yeah, of course. No more French profession. He was walking his dog. Got it, got it. Oh yeah, so he was just walking by, whoa. And he hit a windstorm.

Yeah. Which with these damn Santa, Anna, wigs. Yeah, I know, it's dangerous. I love Santa, but I don't know who this Anna is, but together, they're no good. You didn't give me anything on this? Santa should get back with Mrs. Claus. Santa's gotta get away from Anna.

Get back with Mrs. Claus. Since he's been with Anna, things have been fucking gone sideways. Four forks, but why? Guess what? What? It's a Doughboy's Double Review! We're gonna review this pizza! I think we just gotta come up with something other than double review,

because Doughboy's Double already exists as pizza branding. Oh, for fuck's sake! I'm just gonna confuse the audience, because Doughboy's Double, wait, this is a Patreon episode review? They're gonna eat it up. They like the show. I just think it was... We were not in scroll reading and... I think we need to come up with a new name for it.

I'm fine with doing a second review. You stacked your reviews. Doughboy's Stacker. How's that? We got a Doughboy's Stacker review. We got a Doughboy's Stacker. Okay, great. We'll workshop this. Do you need to be alliterative?

Is that what's bumping you? Yeah, kind of. Oh, okay, mm-hmm, yeah. Think on it. Doughboy's Double Decker? Fuck. I know it still has double in there. That's pretty good though.

It's pretty good. Doughboy's Double Decker's pretty damn good. Doughboy's Double Decker's pretty good. How about Doughboy's Upper Decker? That's pretty good too. Okay, all right, so Doughboy's Upper Decker. Sorry, that's when you put a big poop, right? That is, that is.

In the water tank. In the top tank of the toilet, yeah. In the water tank. Just need to make sure I remembered. I'm gonna give, I texted Amelia, and I figured out this mystery of this burrata. This isn't minus burrata. She added burrata to this pizza.

It was left off accidentally. Wow. Which look, I'm still giving the lasordid, who's helping out the firefighters, I'm giving them four forks. I think it's a four forker, yeah, it was left off accidentally. Wow. Which look, I'm still giving the lasorted, who's helping out the firefighters, I'm giving them four forks. I think it's a four forker, yeah, that's a great piece of pizza. I only had the cheese, but I really enjoyed it.

And Mitch, are you gonna keep that cheese just sitting there? Yeah, fuck yeah, I am. All right. Okay. Mitch likes to leave his slices of pizza out for a few hours. Yeah, this is a new example. I'm learning.

Take a little sausage slice, there's not much sausage on that. I might have one in a second. But right now, that was our review of the- Wait, are you gonna give it, what are you gonna give Lasordes? I just gave four forks. Oh, you did? Yeah, yeah. Four forks?

Yeah, I mean, to be fair, I wish I had sampled more of the menu, but my experience, four fork. Yeah, that's a four fork cheese. It's a four fork pizza. All right, that was our review of Lasordes and Krispy Kreme Pop Tarts Donuts collab. It, that's a Four Fork cheese. Yeah, it's a Four Fork pizza. Yep. All right, that was our review of La Sordid's and Krispy Kreme Pop Tarts Donuts collab. It's time for a segment, a new segment.

This was teased last week, Mitch. I've got some scenarios where you might be thirsty and Mitch and Jess must respond with their ideal drinks. Oh my God. It's the debut of our new segment, Thirst Responders. Thirst Responders. Hit it it Emma. Jesus Christ.

Thirst Responder, why don't you come come drink a beverage you been up watching severance season 2 is out now oh you're a parched one I know which diet you follow. Those drinks that you swallow can thirst you somehow. Thirst responder. Okay, so this is a series of open-ended questions. Wow, really good. I'll give you, thank you. I'll give you the setup. Why did you sing like Hartman again? Emma texted her firefighter friend. Yeah. Amelia did.

Oh, sorry, Amelia texted her firefighter friend. Yeah. About thirst responders. And it does sound like a good, look, if you have any extra beverages, you got water, donate them to the first responders. I think that's a nice move to do, but it sounds like he was like,

are you going to bring me Gatorade? He was like asking her if she was going to bring her Gatorades, right, was basically what she asked. And no, that's not what we're doing. Instead, what we have for thirst responders is a series of open-ended questions. So Mitch, Jess, I'll give you the setup telling you why you're thirsty in this particular scenario.

And you tell me, in this set of circumstances, circumstances in this hypothetical what your dream beverage would be great you understand I love this okay great. Yeah, this is this is great. Okay. Here we go first one It's New Year's Day Okay, and you partied way too hard last night Oh, yeah, you wake up with a horrible hangover so bad you resolve to never drink again with a horrible hangover, so bad you resolved to never drink again. Thankfully, you planned ahead, you look inside your fridge,

and last night you bought the perfect beverage for this eventuality. What do you got in there? An ice cold Gatorade glacier freeze. I was going to say Gatorade lemon lime. That's a good one too. Lemon lime's a good one, yeah. Just the default flavor, sometimes it's exactly what you tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it.

I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it.

I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it.

I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. I've never tried it. Wow. Yeah, cause I have found like in trying to maintain like vocal health that super cold liquids are like hard

on your- Sure. Oh, interesting. It's a shock. And so I've now developed the taste for a room temp water and I realized that I can consume it so much faster. There's no risk of brain freeze. So if I already have a pound in headache from rage cajun too hard,

I think I'm gonna go for like a slightly just above room temp. It's sat on the counter, but it has a slight chill to it from being in the cool night air. But that means I can chug it more effectively because I wanna get that drink. I wanna get that whole thing in me as fast as possible with no headache.

What you were saying, so that this is a thing I both learned when I took a VO class, and then I also heard it from the lead singer of Queensryche, the idea that you have a hot beverage and that's actually better for the pipes. Yeah, hot or really room temp, like drinking like room temp water is better if you're like feeling a little like horse

or anything like that. Right, sure. So not like necessarily warm, warm, but just not that cold that's gonna shock your cords. Yeah, to avoid the ice, yeah. So I've woken up, open up some cat food, get in my wall-y, I say to the cat food. And then I open the fridge, I have a little draw,

a beverage draw that I keep it like close to freezing, basically. For me, I know it's probably better for my vocal cords, but with a bad hangover especially, I need the coldest, closest thing to frozen that is still liquid. Yeah, my advice is not from a health point, it's from like, I've now developed the taste for that.

That makes sense. Where now like, not that cold is actually super, can become super refreshing, because I'm like, not that cold is actually super, can become super refreshing, because I'm like, oh great, I can chug this whole thing. Very European, I feel like they don't like ice over there. They don't, yeah, yeah. I think Glacier Freeze also for me is like the perfect,

I love the fierce strawberry, I've tried this before, but Glacier Freeze is like the perfect, almost like not on the spectrum, it's kind of right in the middle. It's almost like a nothing and not, it's a great flavor, but it's like a middle nothing flavor. You know what I mean? It's like not super sweet.

They're all sweet, I guess, but it's not super sweet. And it's not like a lemon lime I like, but I'm like, would that be too like tart or like too, you know what I'm saying? Like it's kind of a Weiger flavor, totally neutral. It's like a beige flavor. but I'm like, would that be too like tart or like too, you know what I'm saying? Like- It's kind of a Weiger flavor, totally neutral. It's like a beige flavor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what I love. I mean, I love it. I got really into the strawberry PD or not PD, the strawberry Gatorlite Zero, but that's the one you don't encounter very often. So when I run across it in like a seven or something, I'll grab that. Isn't it like strawberry Kiwi or something?

Yeah, it's a strawberry Kiwi Gatorlite Zero, and I do like the Gatorlites. All right, next up, next scenario. These pretzels are making you thirsty while watching the Seinfeld episode where Kramer gets the line, "'These pretzels are making me thirsty "'in a Woody Allen movie.'"

Two cool dudes. "'You realize you've been idly snacking "'on pretzels yourself, "'and they've been making you thirsty "'while you've been watching. "'Luckily, within reach, you have a nice beverage that will both wet your whistle and cut the salt. What is it?

Now I do like my seltzer waters very, very cold. Yeah. So I'm, and I, in that situation, I'm going with a very cold La Croix Pure. Oh, I like the La Croix Pure is unflavored. Yep. Yeah, good one. This is hard for me because immediately I'm like,

you say this and I just want a tap bud light. Ooh. Like a nice cold tap bud light. That is, and Mitch, with some pretzels, that's a lot of fun. That's nice. That's what I'm saying, but I'm at the house, right? This is the issue. Is it, would I leave the house and go to a bar

and watch the episode on the bar screen? Is it a dream scenario? I think it's already a dream scenario. Yeah, I think so, yeah bar screen? It's a dream scenario. I think it's already a dream. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I think it's dream logic. All right, then yeah, I would leave and watch the rest of the episode at a bar and have an ice cold draft beer. Ooh, that's nice. It's just the saltiness that...

Like, there's... I don't even like crave beer that much. I drink cider way more than beer, but the two scenarios is like, on a hot summer day, I always want like a draft of cold beer, and then with like salty pretzels, that's the other thing that gets me. Mitch, I think in this scenario, you just happen to be watching Seinfeld and syndication at a bar already, and the pretzels are there on the bar,

and that's your bar snack, and then you're like- Jesus, what the hell am I going through that I'm watching on a weekday? Watching a syndicated Seinfeld at the bar? Oh, you're there amongst a bunch of friends. There you go, they're all there. Hey, dream scenario. Yeah, you're having wings and you're just having to look up. Cliff's there, no one's there.

And you have some pretzels, you know, it's all good. You're at Cheers. Cliff and Norm are there? Yeah, you're at Cheers, you're watching. Yeah, you're at Cheers. No one's sitting in any of the barstools on one part of the bar for some reason, but other than that, everything's great.

Cliff and Norm, and we're watching Seinfeld. Yeah, no one's commenting on how you're watching a different NBC sitcom. That's what you're doing in this reality. This next one is an Amelia pitch. You're a 10th grader in gym class, maybe in weightlifting class. Hell yeah.

You're exhausted, struggling through the last lap of the mile. Just as you think you can't go any further, something catches your eye, a flash of light reflecting off a can near the finish line, so this is in a can. Your friend is holding it up, waiting for you. If it were any other drink, you might have quit right then and there,

but this one, this one makes all the difference. What is that beverage? If it's me in 10th grade, like I'm going for, the first thing that came to my head was just a regular Coke or maybe a Dr. Pepper, but I think something that's gonna make me finish the end of the mile, something I did really hate doing. And it's 10th grade me growing up in the OC.

I gotta go with a ice cold can of cactus cooler. Hell yeah, man. I had cactus cooler so often. I had it so many times. I had it like as my lunch soda for so many, like for years to the point where it kinda got burned out on it. But I really love Cactus Cooler. The specificity of that being like a treat that's going to be the carrot,

because I was drinking five cokes a day Dr. Pepper all the time. But a Cactus Cooler, you know, sometimes it can hit you just right. That was my problem is that I took like a novelty like periodic soda. Like I didn't understand, I was too young to understand that like there's's something to only having something occasionally. And this really distinct orange pineapple soda, I should not have had it every day. But once in a while, it's an absolute treat. Mitch, what's yours?

Mine, look, I'm going back to the Gatorade well, but I get there, there's a jug of Gatorade that was made in the gym. This is 10th grade, right? Yeah, it's supposed to be a can, but I'll allow it. Oh, it has to be a can. In Amelia's scenario, it's a can. They're holding a can.

They're holding a can. I feel like it could reflect off a bottle, I guess. That's true. Yeah, that's true. But this would be a cup. Okay, well, what's in the cup? You guys have turned on the dream thing pretty quick. Why don't you say it's been canned?

I just wanna hear the end before I... It's an aluminum cup. Yeah. And also, some Gatorade does come in a can. I was saying, mm, because I'm waiting to hear the end before I... It's an aluminum cup. Yeah. And also some Gatorade does come in a can. I was saying, because I'm like waiting to hear the whole thing. Yeah. Wait, also what is the thing? What is the scenario again?

Can you just tell me? You're a 10th grader in gym class, exhausted, struggling through the last lap of the mile. Just as you think you can't go any further, something catches your eye. A flash of light reflecting off a can near the finish line. Your friend is holding it up, waiting for you. If it were any other drink, you might have quit right then and there. But this one, this one makes light reflecting off a can near the finish line, your friend is holding it up, waiting for you, if it were any other drink, you might have quit right then and there, but this one, this one makes all the difference,

what is the beverage? Can is so hot, it's just, it's the trick. That's part of the challenge, but you can make it whatever. I mean, my answer really is those big Gatorade jugs with ice in it and Gatorade powder, lemon, lime, Gatorade powder, that to me is like, I would just like drink that so fast and so much of it and feel great. But if it's a can, oh man, cactus cooler is such a good answer.

I mean, should I just be honest? Yeah. Fucking Coca-Cola. Yeah. A can of Coke. Pretty good. I mean, that was high up. Coke heavy.

That's, you know, I considered it. I mean, a Coke is great. I also considered it for my hangover drink. Like a can, ugh, so good. If I'm drinking beverages the day I'm hungover, it's a Gatorade and a Coca-Cola at some point. I've definitely- A Fountain soda Coca-Cola with ice,

that is gonna help you. Do you ever go get the breakfast fast food combo when you're hungover and get the Coke as your drink? Yeah. That's a lot of fun. Whoa, I've never done that. Yeah, I'll do that at McDonald's sometimes. All right, next scenario. You've been marooned on a lifeboat for weeks. I'm changing my mind. It's a can of Sunkist.

Sunkist is great. Just the orange flavor? Orange flavor Sunkist. You've been marooned on a lifeboat for weeks. You've resorted to drinking your own urine. But unlike the mariner from Waterworld, you have no way to process it back to water. Okay. You're about to lose consciousness for the last time when a rescue chopper flies overhead and lowers a ladder. The Coast Guard search and rescue operator

hands you a bottle of thirst quenching liquid and it's like manna from heaven. What is it? This is the easiest one to me. I mean, I have a specific one that I would maybe choose, but high quality H2O. It's that sort of thing of when you're that dehydrated. Yeah, just pure water is maybe what you want.

Water can be the best. I would need cold water again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And specifically, the one I'm thinking of is Bobby Boucher's water from The Water Boy. Sure. The one that's always cold. Yeah. That bottle, if I drank that,

I think I would be very happy. So let's just say Bobby Boucher is descending down that ladder and handing you his perfect water. Perfect. What a dream. Yeah, that's pretty cool. I have a down there too. Oh boy, I think I've been turned on to coconut water.

Oh, okay. And I think I've already been marooned on the sea and I'm out of my mind. I think I want it to be like a $20 brunch cocktail. You know like how sometimes you go to brunch and you can get like, I'm almost at Bloody Mary, but you can also get like the detox or like the revitalizer. Have coconut water.

Yeah, exactly. It's gonna be like coconut water, muddled cucumber. It's gonna be light, maybe a squeeze of lime. We're winking at a pina colada, and there's just a slight bit of alcohol in that. Yeah. It's not- You would get fucked up. It's not a cocktail, but it's just like,

this is gonna taste like life's worth living. It's like a half ounce of Malibu rum. Yeah. It's just like a very, the lightest thing. It's a wink at having alcohol in there. Sure. That's gonna be an all-timer buzz right there. Yeah, exactly. You might the lightest thing. It's a wink at having alcohol in there. Sure. That's gonna be an all-timer buzz right there. Yeah, exactly.

You might as well get it. Yeah, I love it. All right, next up. A wizard has cast a transmutation spell to polymorph you into your choice of a dog or a cat. You are alone in a big scary human house, and there's a lock on the fridge that you are unable to disarm with their cute little paws.

The only thing you have access to drink is toilet water. However, to your delight, the wizard has also cast an enchantment upon the toilet, so its water is actually a delicious beverage. What is it? Please note that you also have canine or feline anatomy, so certain human foods are toxic. Okay, question.

Yeah. Am I living this way for the rest of my life? Let's say for this exercise, that the polymorph spell is temporary, like it'll wear off. What's the deal with this wizard? What do we do to piss him off? You displeased him. Okay. Okay.

Okay, great. We displeased him. Well, he had like a riddle for you and you like didn't play along. What was the riddle? The riddle was... Go on. Born of forest nest,

a pond, a stick I rest, thousand legs, cannot stand, what am I? And so our response is kinda like, what? And then he gets mad at us and then he gets mad at you. Because we don't know what the fuck he's talking about. It's a broom, obviously. Is it a broom? Yeah. Cool.

Well, I turned into a cat because I got Wally and Irma. And then you can say, get in my room. I would not have sexual relations with Wally or Irma if I turned into a cat. That's not what I was saying. You instantly went to Bill Clinton. Yeah, I was just going to,

I like you could, when you ate food, you could, because you look like Wally and Irma, you could say, get in my wallet. Oh, sorry. This is a classic Mitch, me thinks doth protest. I would be like, I mean, it would be fun to talk to them and be like, hey, oh my God, I can talk to you guys. Yeah, you can understand them. I mean, how you guys do it, is there anything

you wanna complain about? Never go outside. I would tell them like, you should never go outside and explain to them how outside is dangerous. And so like, I'm always nervous about you guys going outside. I would have a big long conversation with them. You're kinda Ed Harris Truman showing them. This is nice.

A little bit. A little bit, yeah. So the wizard made you a cat in your own house. Yes. Yes. And then I would probably, the three of us would probably hit the couch and I'd probably take a nap with them for a while. Sure, that's cute. And then eventually I'd wake up.

Little cuddle puddle? Yeah, I mean immediately. Honestly, it's not that different from what my life is now Sure But that that feels a little We don't we don't solicit fan art very very often but a cat Mitch snuggling with Wally Nerma that'd be pretty cute I would be that quite a bit. Oh, may we all be so contented, please. It's to receive cute fan art. I mean, my answer is a simple answer in the feline world.

I would like a big bowl of a toilet bowl of milk. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, sure. OK. Are you going to be a dog or a cat? I would like a big bowl of a toilet bowl of milk. OK. I would like a big bowl of a toilet bowl of milk.

Oh, that's fun. Yeah, sure. OK. Are you going to be a dog or a cat? I would like a big bowl of a toilet bowl of milk. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, sure. Okay. Are you gonna be a dog or a cat? I think I'm gonna be a cat. Okay, yeah, I love it.

And my question about like, do we morph back? Cause I'm wondering, will this experience be so traumatizing and grody that it'll ruin this beverage for me going forward? So is it a beverage that I'd like to very much have, but I'm okay with if potentially I don't want it again? And so I'm gonna say peach flavored green tea. Good answer.

It's nice, I'll enjoy it for as long as I'm a cat, but if I never have one again, it'll be okay. Yeah, if you have a permanent association with like I was using a feline tongue to lick this out of a toilet bowl and so I kind of just have an aversion to it. Okay, yeah, makes sense. And so, so it can cats drink green tea, I guess. Oh gosh, I don't know.

I don't know. Probably not safe for them to have too much caffeine with their little bodies. Can we look that up Emma? Yeah. All right, great. But also maybe we took a couple of laps of it, you know? Yeah, I'm not chugging the whole bowl.

You're just trying to hydrate yourself. You're just trying to stay alive until the spell wears off. A small amount of decaffeinated green tea should be okay. All right, so decaf. Okay, we'll make it decaf. We should have all the time. Yeah, we'll have it. We'll have it decaf.

Decaf. That's great. Peach flavored decaffeinated green tea. That's, I love it. Also this jogged a memory. I shouldn't tell this I just remember that a Kid who a guy who lived next door? I'm not even gonna say names Yeah, but he was like, you know, you can drink out of your toilet

Like all you have to do is flush it twice and then someone went number two in the toilet and they flushed it and then he Flushed it again and he drank water out of the toilet. And it was like, it's such a little kid hearing how old we're like 10 or to 12. I didn't like hearing that. Fucking gross. Oh, I mean it is gross. And everyone, no cuts, no cuts. Nixman had had gum the whole. And that story has to stay. There will be no cuts.

Yeah, sorry. I didn't like telling it. I know you didn't like hearing it. No, that's rough stuff. Okay, kids are gross. Kids are disgusting. Yeah, kids are disgusting. All right, final scenario.

Okay. You are marooned on the desert planet of Arrakis and the Fremen still suit, which recycles your body fluids into potable water has been sabotaged. Namely the heel pumps that generate the kinetic energy to power the filtering mechanism have been disconnected, likely by the traitorous Dr. Yue. You have accepted you will die of thirst on this desolate foreign rock, your desiccated

corpse swallowed whole by the behemoth sandworm the indigenous Fremen call Shai Halud. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a hearkening soldier ambushes you, but your training, in the weirding way, allows you to quickly dispatch him with your Chris knife. You then use your desert power knowledge to harvest the water from his body to sustain yourself. And actually, the fluid tastes quite delicious. It reminds you of a beverage your Mentat tutor taught you of from film books about the ancient society of Earth, back before the Butler and Jihad, which codified,

thou shalt not make a machine in the likeness of a human mind into the orange Catholic Bible. You vow to learn to brew it on your own and share it throughout the Patecha Empire, defying the Bene Gesserit once you return to your home planet, the ocean world of Caladan. What is the beverage? How long did it take you to write that?

I was just kind of stream of consciousness. Yeah, there's nothing written down, Emma. Damn. Oh my gosh, okay. His eyes just turned white and he started saying. Doesn't that happen with one of the Dune? It happens with Mentats, yeah. Okay, it was Mentats.

I wish it went more into Mentats. Think for Hawat, I reread Dune and then I read Dune as I had children of Dune. Your Mentats looking pretty good right there. Oh, thanks, buddy. What a thing to say. The Thufir Hawat, who is, you know, a- You shut the fuck up. I wish he was present in Dune part two. Apparently he shot some scenes.

They're very pivotal in the book and they're not in the DV adaptations. Hey, Tiger Ryger, shut the fuck up for a second. Okay, well, if I got it from a Harkonnen, I'm thinking, well, their whole planet looks like black licorice. That's true. That is true.

I wonder if that- Coca-Cola could fit in pretty well there. Or maybe like a beverage that has a million flavors that we can't name all of them. I'm going with Dr. Pepper. Wow. What an answer. Oh my god, the spice.

The spice. The spice. The spice must flow. 23 unique flavors. One of them is hearkening. Wow. What a great answer. Thanks.

Maybe that will become the spice. Yeah. Yeah. It's a... Yeah! It's possible. Gilded navigators are guzzling Dr. Pepper so they can navigate the stars? It's possible.

Wow. Nick, I'm gonna go with a drink and I think that you'll be, I think this will make, much like the fan art, fan art, I said fart. No cuts. Much like the fan art would make my day. Yeah. I think this will make your day.

I'd go with a Nick Weiger. Wow. An Arnold Palmer, basically. Yes, a perfected Arnold Palmer. I just, with the sand, and I'm just like, that's a thirst quench. That would be really, really refreshing. I almost chose Arnold Palmer for my toilet bowl,

and that's how I caught myself, where I was like, then what if it ruins Arnold Palmer's? Yes. Which would be devastating. Yes. So I went with just a flavored iced tea and not a black iced tea that I would be okay getting rid of. That's a good move.

I would not want, I mean, like, it would ruin milk for me forever, not drinking out of the toilet. But how nervous do you guys get when you order an on Arnold Palmer? Cuz they're so hard to say I Get I mean I get nervous saying anything cuz I'm yeah, there's a good chance. I'm gonna say it wrong I always practice my order in my head cuz I'm like worried. I'm gonna mess it up. Yeah, it's a hard I don't know why it's really hard for me to say Arnold Arnold Palmer, I think Would be ap it's really hard for me to say. Arnold Palmer. Arnold Palmer.

I think Arnold Palmer would be apropos in this situation. Arnold Palmer. Arnold Palmer. You know, that's a- Put the glasses back on. That's a big golf drink. It is a big golf drink. And after a golfer himself.

A golfer who also had a fucking huge hog apparently. Yeah, apparently. President-elect was talking about it, president now. Here's my question to you. It would be good if I had a smart question. Did you say Arnold Hogger? Yeah, I did say it. Let's not run past this, bitch, it's Arnold Hogger.

All right, keep going. Has there ever been a good spiked Arnold Palmer? That's what he would have it with vodka. Oh, he would have it with vodka. Yeah, they call it the John Daly after they famously did the alcoholic golfer. I feel like there hasn't been a,

maybe I just haven't had one, like a good, I've had twisted teas, which are fun and they're tasty. We used to make that at the sports bar I worked at and we would use lemon, they would have, Stoli had like a lemonade vodka and they also had a sweet tea vodka and if you use both of those, you could make like an Arnold, a boozy Arnold Palmer cocktail.

That sounds real fun. Yeah, it was really fun. Good summer cocktail. Trying to make it boozy though, just does take out like the thirst quenching quality. I mean, while you're hitting the links, just a little shot of vodka and a lemonade. I see that's gonna do you right.

Yeah, you're right. We used to make this thing in college called summer beer, where we would take frozen lemonade, concentrate, like Minute Maid cans, and what they call for in water, we would make with a very light beer, like a Bush Lighter or a Nat, very like a Michelob Ultra, like a very light beer,

and then you put a shot of vodka at the bottom. That sounds good as hell. Wow, that sounds great. It was really good. What a treat. We're gonna have to hit the links with you, Wags and I. Let's get out there. Maybe we'll have to, I mean,

we both will have to take lessons. Yeah, we hit the links all right. Oh. In a hot dog. Oh. I thought you were sucking off Arnold Palmer. Yeah. Yeah.

I thought you were gonna say you were hitting the links with the Switch 2, which was announced this week. That's true, as of this recording. Not a lot of details, but exciting that it's coming out. I thought you were gonna say you were hitting the links with the switch to which was announced. That's true as of this recording. Not a lot of details, but exciting that it's coming out. Watch the space. Watch this space. Just like a restaurant, about your feedback, let's open up the feedback.

Today's emails from Jack from Highland Park. Hey, nearby. Jack writes, considering we are at the height of human culinary knowledge, if you were randomly transported back in time to pre-electricity, what meal would you cook to increase your newfound societal status? Would Mitch be able to make one of his famous bar pizzas good enough to impress a Roman emperor, or does he rely on modern conveniences? I definitely get my head cut off so fast, but go on. Could Weiger introduce burritos to the King of Estonia? Maybe the guests could choose

to invent a dish a la beef Wellington or Caesar salad. Well, that's a tall order for Jess to invent a dish. But yeah, the idea is like, okay, we're going back in time. I gotta impress someone. We're going back in time. You don't got podcasts, you got scrolls, like we talked about the scrolls. You got scrolls. You're reading scrolls from models.

Oh my gosh, I'm falling asleep to scrolls? Ugh. Terrible. What do I do while I fall in my clothes? Scrolls? That stuck with me so much is scroll reading and plague removing bodies are the fun things to do. Which may be still more fun than listening to Doughboys.

But, um. Aw, come on. This is a simpler time. Please. Here's the- We should do a Doughboys scroll. I would love to do a scroll. Yeah, let's do a scroll.

Scroll drop, all right, we'll do it. We'll sell like 10 of them. Yeah. We'll lose a Doughboy scroll. I would love to do a scroll. Yeah, let's do a scroll. Scroll drop, all right, we'll do it. We'll sell like 10 of them. Yeah. Lose a lot of money. People love a scroll. Of course, autographed by the boys. Just being excited about the new scroll you're about to read, it seems like such fucking shitty.

My issue with the- Oh, the new scroll is late. I can't believe it. Scroll's supposed to be out by now. Where's the new scroll? Emma, there was something wrong with this week's scroll. The people were complaining about the scroll. Knock off.

Knock off. The video scroll isn't uploaded. Man, just going back in time sucks. You know how I feel? It sucks, yeah. There was no air conditioning. I just would be upset. I just, as a hygiene person, I'm just like, I can't, where am I supposed to wash my hands? I'm shitting in a bucket, what's going on here?

It's fucking disgusting. Yeah. Living in squalor. I mean, this is just funny because it's like a stolen valor question, but it would be kind of fun. I feel like making my mom Caesar salad because I feel like that is like something

that maybe I could do of like garlic and maybe there's some oil and lettuce and like because I'm just thinking basics. Yeah cooking pre-electricity is so like that's like a challenge so it's like well I guess I maybe have access to let's just say I have a gas range or the equivalent of gas range let's say I can cook something in a pan. Sure. I think that my best bet for success, because I'm a decent home cook, but I'm not someone who's like, oh, I'm like creative at improvising and figuring out a bunch of, you know, like I have these ingredients,

so I know what I can make out of this. You know, I'm like, I need to kind of follow a recipe. So I think I would keep it simple and say, I'm going to try to make something that maybe they just have these people, the totality of human knowledge up to this point maybe has not yet settled on this particular dish. And so my answer is I'm going back there,

I'm getting a loaf of bread, I'm getting some cheese, I'm getting some butter, I'm making a grilled cheese sandwich. It's like, hey, maybe you've never had a grilled cheese sandwich before, we'll get rid of your fucking mind. That's smart. That's pretty good. I had a similar impulse and it was born out of what Dr. Eatful said.

I think I'm making chicken nuggets. Oh yeah, that's pretty good. Because I'm sure like, or fries, or essentially like a happy meal, because are we frying things in oil yet? I assume oil is like maybe hard, I don't know. Do they have oil? I think they have oil, but they're like,

they got it on top of the castle wall to pour it onto invaders. Right, so maybe they haven't thought, you know what, that actually is good for cooking. Yeah, chop up some potatoes, throw them in that. Exactly, like if I can introduce French fries, I'll like change, I'll change their life. Yeah.

That's pretty damn good. And it's not that hard to make, you know? But like if you've never had anything fried before, like- Yeah. Do they just not think of like frying, like- I wonder if people didn't have oil, like enough oil. Could be. Like, or you probably had like mother oils,

like oils you had to like keep. Yes, yeah. You know, like you have to keep using the same. Right, you can't change out the oil, you don't have enough, yeah, it's not in enough abundance. Or like fat, you can just do it in like animal fat, you know, milk, mels, tallow, mels. So maybe, I'm sure they were cooking things with

and using oil, I know that's how a lot of like early bakes and stuff, there was like beef tallow in it to give it like, you know, a fat where, you know, now we would just use butter. So they were doing some stuff. I mean, we weren't like dumb as bricks. We weren't, yes. We were doing what we could, you know?

It would be fun to go back and be, would you, would I, I mean, with these glasses, especially, would I just be the smartest person, like 500 years ago? I mean, I guess there's still some pretty smart people. Yeah, I would say no, you wouldn't be. Say probably Isaac Newton would maybe be smarter. Would you be the best cook immediately?

Would you be like the, I don't know. Also, not to get totally nitty gritty about it, but I think just tastes and flavor things change. Even if I go, if you go to Mousse on Franks and they're like, yeah, get this like cheese on celery. This was Charlie Chaplin's favorite dish. And you're like, this fucking blows. But that's-

They've got like jelly beef you can get there. Yeah, but it's like, but that was the thing of the time. It's just like how we'll look at ourselves and be like, hot chicken. I mean, true. So hard to say. Like we might come in with our flavors and they'll be like, whoa.

Which is why I think like simple children's foods- Yes. Might be big hits because, you know, they're salty, they're nice, they're, it might just be more in the preparation. I think you're a hundred percent right. I was thinking pizza, but then pizza has been done for centuries, right? Like, uh, I guess in Italy, I guess it depends on where you are probably too. So after wiping out the Weiger line, um.

You're gonna kill my ancestors? No, I would just, I would out the wiger line, um, you're going to kill my ancestors? No, I would just, I would steal the, I mean, I would, I would go and charm whoever you're, you know, great, great, great, great, great, great, his daddy. Yeah. He's great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather. The big one you have in mind is somehow becoming Rick's dad.

So after I do that, you become my great, great, great, great, great grandchild or whatever. I think pizza is, but I don't think there's anything better than what you said. Frying up some potatoes, you could do that really well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I think together we just brought the past to kids menu and they should all be really grateful. What about a burger? Could you make a burger? I know. Yeah, I mean, like the hamburger or the dish

is not that old. So like, yeah, probably if you had access to some ground meat, I don't know what the pre-electrical, I guess, I mean, there were just like mechanical grinders. So I guess you're just using a mechanical grinder if you have access to one of those. My question is, you said I wouldn't be the smartest man, but would you immediately be one of the best cooks?

I don't think so. Cause I think there still were just people who had a lot of craft and had professional training. And I think you might have more knowledge of world cuisine cause things were pretty cloistered back then. Yeah. Would they like a cheesy Gordy to crunch? I don't know.

I think it would be too, I think it would like kill somebody. I think it would be too potent. I think it would. I think it would. All right. Yeah. Cause like, you're just like, especially in, you know, much of, I think in our scenarios,

we're thinking back on our own heritage and we're thinking of like, we're picturing like a European past, right? Like that was like a period where there wasn't a lot of spices. That people weren't used to like having that amount of flavor. So I think it would be pretty jarring. We'd probably get charged as being witches pretty quickly

from being from, you know what I mean? I mean, yes, I would. Yes, you would be in trouble. You know what we would be though is we'd be very tall. We'd be some of the biggest people back then. You look at the average height over the years. You and I would probably get the plague. You'd be accused of being a witch and we get the plague

and it would be over, which is good. Yeah. Yeah, good way to end it. Hey, if you have a question or comment about the World of Chain restaurants, you can email us at feedback at birdfuck.com or leave us a voicemail at 830-GO-DO. That's 830-463-6844. And hey, to get the Doughboys Double-R Weekly bonus episode plus our entire pre-2018 back catalog, subscribe at

patreon.com slash doughboys. Our producer is Emma Erdbrink. Our associate producer is Emilio Moreno. Our supervising video producer is Casey Donahue. And our video editor is Mike Dorfman, our guest, Jess McKenna. Jess, thanks so much for coming back. What a place. Thanks for having me. Wow. What a great time. When was the last time you were on before this? We had you on for a last year for Pank. Yes. We had you on for, and the Patreon feed. but for the main feed, it's been a little bit before, I think it might've been the tournament,

with the dessert tournament. Yep, that sounds right. Too long, welcome back. Always too long. Always a pleasure to be here with the boys. What a treat. Anything you would like to plug? Meh.

There you go. People should check out Off Book. Yes, yeah, yeah. Do you have any love shows coming up? This is coming out in January. Yes, thank you, thank you. Okay, so yeah, we don't do Off Book. Yes, yeah, yeah. Do you have any love shows coming up? This is coming out in January. Yes, thank you, thank you. Okay, so yeah, we don't do Off Book as a studio recording anymore,

but we have been touring a lot, so there's plenty of episodes in the feed still, and we are touring to the Midwest. So March 19th, The Arc in Ann Arbor, Michigan, the 20th Park West in Chicago, the 21st, the Burr Oak in Madison, Wisconsin, and then two nights in Minneapolis at the Cedar Cultural Center.

So we'd love for you to come out if you're in any of those cities. Y'all should come out and see that. It's a Zach and Jess together. It's just an incredible performance. It's a fun time, you know? Yeah, it's great to see. Check it out.

And it's really fun to do live, so please come check it out if you're in those areas. Which city you think will have the drunkest? Madison. You know what? I would guess Madison too. We haven't done Madison. We haven't done Madison. We've done Milwaukee.

We've done Milwaukee, but in the Midwest, and look, hey, this is a challenge to the Midwest out there. The drunkest crowd we've had, Minneapolis. We both said it at the same time. I mean, SoCal, SoCal Girl, love SoCal till I die, but Midwest is best. A lot of fun.

In terms of like a whole region, I love the Midwest and I've never been to Madison, but when I was at Northwestern, people would go to their Halloween. In the same way that like people I knew growing up would go up to Santa Barbara's Halloween, where it's like, oh, they have a crazy Halloween. So, I don't know, College Town,

I feel like maybe we'll get a drunk Madison crowd. Honestly, I'd love- Chris Farley went to school in Madison. Or he's from Madison, is that what it is? I'd love a wild Madison crowd. Yeah, that'd be a hoot. Yeah. I love, every time we've been in Milwaukee,

we've had a good time. We sure have. Hey, that'll do it for this episode of Doughboys. Until next time. For the Spoon Man, Mike'll do it for this episode of Doughboys. Until next time. For the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell, I'm Tiger Weiger. Happy eating. See ya. Bye.

Hey, buddy. Want Doughboys merch? We're talking hats, shirts, sweatshirts, patches, glasses, all sorts of stuff, aprons. It's all available at kinshipgoods.com slash doughboys. That's kinshipgoods.com slash doughboys. Sources for the intro are in the episode description. Hey buddy, what's up dough freaks in the Bay Area?

Mitch, we have a live show we're doing this January, this month, January 25th, as part of SF Sketch Fest. Ding, ding, ding, ding, get the trolleys ready, Wags. Wow, heat up a big bowl of rice-a-roni and meet us there at the Palace of Fine Arts Theater Saturday, January 25th. Tickets at birdfuck.com slash live. San Francisco, get some more suspensions for that bridge

because the Doughboys are coming over it, baby. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Tickets at Birdfuck.com slash live. That was a HeadGum Podcast.