Doughboys - Lou Malnati's with Jon Gabrus & Christine Nangle (LIVE)

Episode Date: April 18, 2019

This week, Christine Nangle (The President Show, Inside Amy Schumer) and Jon Gabrus (Raised by TV, High & Mighty) join the 'boys to discuss a cornerstone of Chicago-style pizza: Lou Malnati's. Plus, a live edition of The Wiger Challenge. Recorded live at the Logan Square Auditorium in Chicago, IL.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. In 1963, the Hughes family moved from Gross Point, Michigan to the Chicago suburb of Northbrook, Illinois. The Midwest move would have a profound impact on the family's oldest boy, the then 12-year-old John Hughes, who would grow up to become a wildly successful director, screenwriter, and producer, almost always setting his stories in metropolitan Chicago. Hughes' filmography includes iconic pieces of pop culture like 16 Candles, The Breakfast Club, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off. But the most enduring of his coming-of-age comedy-drama hybrids was 1990's Home Alone, written and produced by Hughes and directed by Chris Columbus,

in which eight-year-old Kevin McAllister quickly learns the challenges of living on his own. And a key plot device in the film is pizza, which both instigates the Act I fight that leads Kevin to wish his family away and acts as the centerpiece of a scene in which he employs a savilly cute mob movie to deceive a befuddled delivery guy. It's no coincidence that pizza factors so memorably in the Chicago suburb set film, as it's a key part of the second city's cultural identity, both Thinner Crust and the denser, thicker casserole variety commonly referred to as Chicago-style. One of Chicago-style's purported inventors was a man named Rudy, who managed pizzeria uno in the 40s and 50s,

imparting his knowledge to his son and fellow employee Lou. In 1971, Lou set out on his own and opened an eponymous pizzeria, serving deep dish based off the family recipe. But a random car crash wrecked his first storefront, and disruptive neighborhood construction shattered the second, and the third was too far from the city to be economically feasible. And in 1978, amidst this series of misfires, Lou died of cancer, never witnessing his concept attain the success of his dreams. But there may very well be marinara in his bloodline,

because his sons joined his widow to carry on his legacy, relaunching the restaurant with a legendary appearance of the first-ever taste of Chicago festival in 1980. By the time Home Alone hit theaters, the family had built a successful chain by streamlining their focus, mostly to carry out and delivery while maintaining the premium quality established by their forefathers. Now with 50 locations across greater Chicago and a few more in Arizona, the chain's deep dish continues to offer Chicago-style comfort, just like a John Hughes third act. This week on Doe Boys, Lou Malnati's. Doe Boys!

Wow. Guys, welcome to Doe Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weigher. What's up, Chicago? Before we get started, big hand for Liz, who introduced everything. She's been doing a great job running this show tonight. We seriously would not be in Chicago without Liz, so we really appreciate everything she's done. We were told, so we're starting very late.

We had a first show, we had a 30-minute start, 30-minute later than our normal start time, and we were told it was because of the bar line, so we're glad that you guys had a full extra half hour to get drunk, which as far as I can tell is already being reflected in the reactions. But guys, before we go any further, this week's roast is courtesy of Tyler Moss. Let me introduce my co-host, Biscotti Pippen. The Spoon Man Mike Mitchell!

They loved you taking two beer cans out of your hoodie pocket. It's too many to mooch, Nick. A song featured in The Blues Brothers. I thought it was like a boss battle theme from Cuphead. I'm sorry, I should have come out here and reminded the audience of their mortality like you did. He died of cancer. He never got to see Home Alone. I wasn't a moral of it. This guy didn't live to see Home Alone.

I feel bad that he didn't get to see Home Alone 2. Not 2, also. But also 2. But also 2. And 2, not Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern. Daniel Stern, yes. Gets electrocuted and you see his skeleton. That's great.

That's funny. Yeah, that's funny. And also, you know what? I don't care what any doctors or scientists say to me. I think that if someone got electrocuted really bad, you could see their skeleton. I mean, it happens in Street Fighter 2. I think that's canon. So who out there, we're doing two shows tonight in a row.

Who stuck around from the first show? Oh, no. Well, now you know it's going to be more of the same. We're going to do the same bits until the same anecdotes. You know who didn't stick around from the first show? My wife. She was like, enough of this shit. I'm getting out of here.

She actually said from the beginning, we talked about this in the first show, but Mitch asked her if she was going to stick around for the second show. And she said, fuck no. And she didn't come to Lumile Nights with us. How much have you seen of her on this trip? We were on the flight together. She was in business class. I was in coach.

No, we sat next to each other. We had a lovely time. She got to watch you watch a preview of Pokemon Sword and Shield on loop. Boy, you know, Mitch, you and I are different guys. No, we're the same guy. We're different. We're not the same guy. No, we're the same one.

I think some people who listen to the podcast are confused and think it's the same guy talking in two different voices. But no, we're the we're different guys. And one way it went through your different Pokemon Sword and Shield, which was recently, the trailer is recently released. The announce was made for the Nintendo Switch. As of this recording, this episode will come out a little later. So this will be a little dated. But Mitch, you were like, I'm going Pokemon Sword.

And I'm like, I'm going Pokemon Shield. Of course you do Shield. It's the weirder one. Nick, there's Gronki, the monkey Pokemon, Scorbunny. Yes. This is what a way to alienate the audience by running down. Are you kidding? Have you talked to Doughboys fans?

Nick, there's a character that kind of fights the same way you do. Sabo, who cries at his enemies. I was immediately like Shield Sabo. That's my that's what I'm going with. I might have to do Sabo too, but Gronki is kind of. Is it Gronki? Is it Gronki or it's like? Grookey.

Grookey. Grookey. Got it. Got it. Mitch, before we introduce our guests, I have a line I cut from the intro for time, but I like this line in isolation. I think you might appreciate it. It's second show, baby.

We can do whatever the fuck we want. I'm getting drunk on stage. The second show doesn't matter, baby. I'm going to read this for you. You can kind of infer what the context might have been. And while Ferris Bueller BSed his way past a major D by claiming to be Abe Froman, the Sausage King of Chicago, it's no BS that Sausage is King in Chicago

as the city's most popular pizza topping an outlier and a nation addicted to pepperoni. How dare you cut that? It's good, right? I did like it. Sausage is king here, huh? People love sausage. Jesus.

What was that? Just a sustained bellow from the balcony. Sausage Man. Sausage Man is here tonight. What if Dr. Wiley's lesser known robot masters? Nick, can I give a prediction for the rest of my night? Yes. We're going to do the show.

It's going to be subpar. Yeah. I'm going to go to the bathroom. Yeah. So far, these are both locks. And then I'm going to die most likely. I feel so stuff like we ate. So for our first show, we went to Portillo's.

And I'm... Huh? Moonplate? What are they saying? Are they yelling Pokemon characters still? People are... Here's what's happening is that people are yelling what are... with the outcome of the episode was.

People who were here for the first show. Oh, they're yelling... Yeah, there's some spoiler alert out there, guys. So... It feels like my feet have expanded. I feel sick. My foot looks like a ninja turtle's foot. From all the salt and shit that I've been eating.

Right. I feel so sick. It's... I don't know how you guys do it. It's insane. That the eating here is out of control. It is like... But this isn't like a regular diet.

It's not like a normal... A normal Chicagoan isn't like... I'm going to go to dinner at Lumonadis and then I'll hit up the next day. My next meal will be Portillo's. People don't do that very often. I don't know if that's true. Yeah, I'm realizing there was kind of a tepid response

from this audience that... Do you know how many guys at the meet and greet were like, Mitch, you're kind of tiny. They were like giants. All these people were like... All these guys were like... Look at this. Hey, how you doing?

I was running around on the palm of their hands. It's the king... It's giant. You get this? I'm tiny in Chicago. Rules. Mitch, don't you... You have some business to attend to here.

You have something to do with the other show. Oh. Like I said... Howdy, howdy, howdy ho! And here's a little drop. A decoy posted a personal ad on Craigslist in the Men's Seeking Men section that said, boy, looking for friends.

This man answered his ad. I'm Nick Weiger. Remember, this man has no idea he's being recorded by hidden cameras. How are you, sir? I mean, it's fun to kiss kids. Have a seat right over here for me. What was your plan tonight?

You could see the sperm. Hungry? How does it taste? It's like a whole peanut butter cup. It's kind of cumbersome to eat. That said, the flavor of this one is quite good. All right. Hey, Mitch.

Love the pod. In my mind, you guys are the best comedic 2-0 since Appet... Appet and Costello. Wow. What an insult to comedy and duos. Here's my deputy drop. It's a little rough, but I think you'll enjoy it.

Bobby from New York City. Bobby from NYC. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. NYC hatred. Oh, there's New York and Philly coming up soon. That's where our guests are from. Mitch, what routine do you think will prove more timeless?

Appet and Costello's who's on first or the Doughboy's drink or steak? I'm not a predator. I'll tell you what. I wish I was the predator, though. That guy's badass. To catch the predator... Oh, man.

It's the greatest 2006 online comedy sketch. I would direct that for Funny or Die and get paid $100. Mitch, you would act in it and get free lunch. But you know what? That's a loss for them. That's right. Guys, we got a couple of great guests here.

Let's introduce them. You know her from Inside Amy Schumer. You know him from the High and Mighty podcast. Give it up for Christine Nagel and John Gabriel. Wow. What the fuck? What the fuck is this shit? Oh, boy.

I underestimated how long of a run that was. I'm so tired. So, for people listening, Nagel and Gabriel are both wearing Minion costumes. They're pullover... Wow. Gabriel is pulling out beers, which, by the way, as he was getting on stage,

beers were falling off of him. And I did that before I knew you took him out of your pocket. You took out two. I'm like, I'm so glad I loaded up seven. You pulled out five beers somehow from your clothes. Six beers. It was like a stage magician doing the coin behind the ear trick. That's one of my three.

Oh, sorry. You'd be surprised how big the pockets in size 42 jeans are. Here's what I got to say. God bless the child who wears the Gabriel size Minion costume at Halloween. This thing does not breathe. No, it's not. It doesn't breathe.

I know because I own one. If you guys are going to do this, you're going to borrow mine. I seriously have this exact costume. It doesn't breathe because I own one and a dead body now. The inside of yours is probably a little bit more crusty, if I had to guess. He comes in it. You brought a banana out.

Now, here's my question. Did that banana get eaten or was that just a prop? Don't flirt with me. You could eat it. Oh boy, okay. I'm going to nibble on this banana. One bite. One bite.

From the side. From the side. I'm not going to one bite this banana. Look. From the side. Also, Gabriel gave me a lap dance in the Minion costume. Yeah. Did you like our bit, Nick?

I loved your bit. I thought it was great. I think it was wonderful. I'm going to tell because you don't show emotion in your face. I thought it was having fun. It was fun. I'm having fun. How do you feel, Mitch, that me and Nangle cruised right past you

in amount of work done for this podcast? By squeezing into this foam thing, which is making me lightheaded. Wait, me and Nangle? Did I say? We were talking about what bit to do and we were trying to figure it out and then I was like, bitch, I ordered you a Minion costume.

Relax. I said, or maybe we both can. She's like, bitch, I already ordered you one. Yeah. Also, I would have done no work to if Nang didn't text me and was like, we should do something. I was like, copy that. So I wanted to...

Jesus, don't eat the banana while you do the podcast. I'm going to have... I'm going to eat this. It's already been 15 minutes. Yeah, it's crazy how time slows down when we're doing this podcast. Nangle, you had... We all obviously flew in here.

You had a wild incident involving your aviation. You had a celebrity encounter at the airport. Yeah, well, I wouldn't... Yes, it's true. I'm eating the banana now. Chomp. He's eating the banana. Yeah, I flew in from New York

and I was like getting out of the car and talking to my mom and being like, sorry, I'll let you know when I land, whatever. And I get out the phone and I just like walk into LaGuardia and Don Jr. walks right past me. My favorite of the Donalds. To be fair, that's a true statement, which is crazy.

He is my favorite in that family. Yeah, it was like... It was crazy. It was so jarring. Right. He's still eating his banana, which is almost as jarring as seeing a human monster walk right past me.

Can I interject for one quick second? The banana has a natural hole. You can hold the side of it. He pulled the banana out of the casing. The peel. Thank you. Professional food podcaster. He took it out of the banana case.

This podcast has a case? A casing? That's an appeal joke. He just walked past me with an entourage, right a few steps into the airport. Oh yeah! And of course I was wearing the minion costume. I just stopped dead in my tracks

and couldn't breathe. I literally was just thinking, someone has to do something. No one's doing anything. You report him like a terrorist to the TSA? If I saw something, I'm saying something. I know. He's worse.

Anyway, then there was this part where my gate was right across from the Admiral's Club. Normally that's where I pick up men, but I was just right across from him. And there was Secret Service out there, or whatever it is, that his security detail, and I was like,

what if he's on my flight? What do I do? I have to do something. What if he's got tickets to see the Doe Boys late show? He's all sad in the back. He was the early show. But I just kept thinking, what is my responsibility?

Do I sit down in the aisle? Do I yell? What am I supposed to do? I just couldn't, and I was texting these guys, which is what I did. And Mitch was like, can you get his autograph for me?

Yeah. Yeah, I just, I can't imagine how, you know, because I, like, the thing I say on the show, and this is, you know, this is whatever, fine,

I'll just say it, and whatever the reaction is, whatever the reaction is. Sometimes you quote something on the podcast, and it feels like pandering, because people have some reactions. The thing I say on the podcast is that, I refer to Donald Trump,

the president as the orange buffoon. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. I shouldn't have overthought it. But, I think if I, actually being confronted with that, is so, like, emotional,

it's just like, I can't, I have an ironic, like, reaction to this. This is just like, what the fuck, this is crazy. It really did,

like, it knocked the wind out of me. Right. It's just like, you can't prepare yourself for something like that. Yeah, boy. I would have sucked this dick. And then told everyone on Twitter,

and be like, he loves getting blowjobs from men. Haha. From minions. Did you see anyone on your flight, Gabers? Yeah. I flew Spirit,

so I saw exclusively, like, never mind. Let me back off. Oh, boy. Let me just not, slander entire ethnicities. But,

retail that. No, I saw, I saw someone pay for a cup of noodles on Spirit. On Spirit, you can buy a cup of noodles, and they add the hot water for you. That is grim.

I was in charge of Gabers' travel, and I got him Spirit air. They put Gabers on this. Yeah, you're not gonna, I'm the biggest celebrity on that plane. It's not a big bopper situation. The pilot wants to lean it into the mountains on the way over.

I watched Escape at Danimora, and on my phone. Woo! One part, Ben Stiller. And there's some sex scenes in it. Whoa. And I'm, like, watching on my, yeah, it's what, it's nuts.

I'm watching on my phone, and the flight attendant, I have a noise-canceling headphones on. And the flight attendant's like, do you want anything? And I can feel that there's a presence, and I'm like, I'm sorry, and I move my headphones,

but my, and it's like, Bernice Eldel Toro is just fucking Patricia Arquette, doggy style. And it's, like, loud, and I'm like,

uh, no, I'm good. I brought snacks. And I'm, like, holding pornography for her to look at. No, it's cool. They're Oscar winners.

Yeah. It's a showtime miniseries. I don't watch porn unless it's on my 27-inch retina display monitor. You also, Spirit has no Wi-Fi, so you had to download,

you had to go out of your way to watch a porn show on Spirit Airway. I don't think it's fair to characterize that miniseries as a porn show. Yeah. Sorry. It has some rybald elements,

but it's not like a, not like a software show. Have you seen it? No, I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I'm just like, Nick is not a fan of rybald elements. It sounds,

it sounds like some old Irish movie my dad would be trying to get us to watch. That John Wayne was in. Or I have a joke I forgot to tell. Oh, very exciting. Okay, so we're in Chicago,

right? That counts as a joke when you're doing the Doe Boys. It does. That counts as a joke, but I'm going to go the extra mile and say, Doe Boys.

Wow. That is fucking funny, Nangle. A new joke. That is a funny fucking. I did, have not heard that joke before. A new joke.

I did this joke in the first show. Doe Boys. I don't think so. I don't think so. Doe Boys. That was fun. That's a pretty solid Nangle impression.

Yes. Oh, you got it. Doe Boys. Doe Boys. Doe Boys. Who would eat a hot salad faster? Weig or a hurricane dick cop? That was the second beat to it.

And I didn't say it because you saw the reaction. Nangle, you joke. You didn't say the second beat of your joke because you weren't reminded to like your fucking drop and like the other two things

you do every week. Why do you treat me like your dad treated you? It's the only male-on-male relationship I understand. Means he loves you. We're either fucking or fighting, Mitch.

And I'm all out of cum. No idea what that means. I'm drunk and like lightheaded from this fucking minion thing. Take it off. I'm going to. Yeah, it's not breathable. Wow.

Okay. Good God. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Wow. This is, this is like the end of the wrestler. All I have to say to that.

Except people are rooting for me to die. All I have to say to this must be nice. I know I'm very hot and I want to take this off, but it'll be a different thing. Well, you can stop

at your sweater if you want. I know, but it's still, hold on. It's good to know that if those things got on fire you could not rip it open. And these things are definitely flammable.

I feel like I should say as Nangle gets the the minion mascot suit off of her for our listeners who are, there we go. Yeah, give it to someone. Yeah. It was flung into the front row.

A gentleman is hugging it. Gapers has also flung his in the front row. I just located my shoulder. There we go. I just, we are throwing garbage in the crowd

and you people are cheering for it. God. Oh no, someone got it. We got a gang gang shirt. All right. There we go. I wish I could describe how that went for me

because it's very indicative and emblematic of my entire life. I took off my shirt because I got wound up, chugged a beer, got so excited and then like, looked at,

the crowd is going wild. I looked at Nangle and Nangle's just looking at me like, and I'm like, isn't this cool? And I'm like, oh, I need one person of reality to go.

I was like, I'm a golden god. And Nangle's like, yeah, let's do the show now. I'm like, right, right, right. Holy shit. I'm treating you like my mother treated me.

Well, if we treated each other like Mitch's mom treats him, we'd have to slow dance together for the entire evening. Hey, Southern Rock with Slow Dance Sundays. Hey, if you out there like to slow dance with your mom,

hashtag, Slow Dance Sundays. Let us know on social media. By the way, that's Sunday S-U-N-D-A-E. I slow dance with her. She makes me a Sunday. That way you could do it

seven days a week. You slow dance with her if she makes you a Sunday. She doesn't want to. So the topic of the day is Chicago style pizza. And, you know, this is my... AKA pizza-style lasagna.

Oh, boy. Hold on. I'm leaving as your worst enemy. The Long Island native is weighing in. We were warned by multiple people from Ross Kibble and a few other people were like, don't do deep dish.

They were like, don't do deep dish. It's like, they're like, it's like when you talk, it's like fights at Thanksgiving. It's not entertaining. It's bad. Interesting. And so we did it.

Yeah, it's not entertaining. And you brought a lifelong New Yorker. Right. But what is your guys... This is my first time in Chicago. What is your guys' relationship with Chicago-style deep dish pizza? Because I've only had it in California.

And I'm sure it's like... Boo. I'm sure it's not... Don't boo California. I won't have any... Oh, shut up. You guys will all be moving there when the water wars begin.

That doesn't make any sense. I feel like people will be moving inward from the coast. The coastline will start to flood, yeah. I feel as though they might be surrounded by our opponents in the water wars. Okay, okay. I'm reading a book right now, The Uninhabitable Earth About Climate Change.

And yeah, I mean, there's a scenario where there's an Arkansas coastline. How many forks do you give? It's grim. I give it five forks. All right. Really seek your teeth and do it. It's quite a book.

It's very depressing, but, you know, right up my alley. So... I have not, you know, like... As despite everyone booing the Bear Republic, I still like deep dish pizza. And I was eager to have an actual version of it. I'm curious before we get into Loomal Nadi specifically,

what your guys' feelings are. I think Gapers has made us clear about deep dish, about the specific varietal of pizza. Nangle, what do you think? I think it's fine. It's good. Yeah. I didn't have an opinion about it before.

Thank you. She's running. What a great answer. I didn't have an opinion before. I really did. Thank you. You're saying the same thing, Miss. You're welcome.

Next. I think I've had it maybe at like Pizza Hut when we did that like... Right. 100 book challenge or whatever it's called, and you got points at Pizza Hut. They don't agree. Are you telling us that Pizza Hut deep dish

is in traditional Chicago style deep dish? It's pain. Oh, thank fucking God, we had a guy in the audience to explain that to us. Bro, we know. She's telling a fucking story. Relax. You paid money to watch us talk.

Do it. Man. I gotta get one person every show. I think he was saying... Pizza Hut doesn't count! Weigur and I let everyone bully us around. I know that's how we keep getting invited, sorry. Yeah, that's right.

He was chanting no because I can't read. That's not sure I can. I'm reading a book about the... The Uninhabitable Earth. The Uninhabitable Earth. Oh, okay. Mitch, your thoughts on Chicago style deep dish pizza. I love it.

What the hell? I'm not pandering here. I got accused of pandering before the show. I'm not pandering to the crowd. You were blatantly pandering in the previous show. No, not true. Okay, give us your genuine opinion about deep dish. Tell us.

Okay. I think it's a different thing. You don't have to... It isn't verses. It isn't a verses thing, Nick. This isn't Mario Kart. There's no verses. Right.

It's just in its own category. It's all chorus, baby, no verses. And it's a great... It's a delightful thing. It's very heavy, but I... Look, I've been on the Chicago Pizza Tour, not pandering. Been on the Chicago Pizza Tour. I've been to Paizanos here.

I've been to Pequods. I've been to all the places. It's pandering. It's not pandering. This is now pandering. Your listing specifics. I've had pizza at White Sox Games. And Cubs Games.

Wow, White Sox. I killed the cow that started the fire. I'm friends with Dick Wolf, and I brought the television industry here. That poor cow. Because of your friendship. Because of my friendship with Dick Wolf. I'm like, look, these lawn orders are killing it.

But did you know that in Chicago, they have med fire and police? Thank you. And he was like, tell me more about this. I'm like, bro, just green light the series. Thank you. Thank you so much. Did that poor cow make it out of the fire, all right?

You worried about that cow? I'm afraid the cow got lit on fire. I hope she got lit on fire, but only to, like, medium rare. So, loom all night as we went to. My first time here, obviously, being in the city. Nick wants to go home and go to bed so bad. What are you talking about?

Oh, you don't want to go home? Yes, I want to go to bed, of course. But I'm not speeding through the show. That's what you're implying. We're at the point in the show where we're progressing, discussing the chain. It's only been 17 minutes. It's been 31 minutes.

Fuck. Nangle can read. I can read clocks. Digital only. Yes, only digital. So we went to loom all night. What location did we go to? Which one was that?

What's it called? Golden Pond? It's called Golden One Near My Hotel. Golden Shower Loop? Golden Coast. Coast. The Gold Coast location. We were doing a bit where we couldn't hear you.

We know Gold Coast. We knew it was the Gold Coast. Right by Gibson Steakhouse. Yeah, big applause for Mitch for listing another restaurant. Which is on a street paved by hard work in Illinois residents. That's right. I'll outpander you, dude. That's good, because I got the people

who are in, like, the surrounding suburbs. You know what? Fuck the surrounding suburbs. Wow. No, but... Maybe I had an ex who went to Northwestern. Fuck Northwestern. Yeah. So, Nangle, you and I were there first.

We sat at the bar for a little bit. I got myself... You got yourself a glass of Gino. I got a Capone Negroni, which is bullet bourbon, campari, sweet vermouth, orange juice bitters, and an orange slice. Which was a good...

It was a fine, solid cocktail. I mean, I think that's like their cocktail menu. You described it as kind of bare bones and simplistic. I don't remember the exact words you used. But it was like... It was a very straightforward... No surprises.

It was a chain restaurant cocktail menu. A chain restaurant cocktail menu. It existed because it had to exist. It wasn't doing anything fancy. But the Capone Negroni, I thought was a fine Negroni. It was a perfectly decent execution. Nangle, your wine was solid, I assume. You got seven more glasses.

I hope you liked it. I think she liked it, Liger. Why am I talking like that? I did that thing where I asked if I could taste it first, and then she gave me a little pour, and then I tasted it, and I didn't like it, but I got so nervous that I was like,

this is fine. Right. I said I drank a bunch more glasses. I was gonna say, then you did actually drink way more wine. I never really liked it. But it's not their fault. It's whatever wine they buy.

Maybe they're fault. I don't know. Everybody works hard. Now, Nick. Yes. I know you made a point to make it seem like Gabriel Sauer Lake, which we were, but to be fair,

Yes. I had to rinse my sinuses out. Oh my God, guys. Guys, have you ever heard two fucking seals fuck, and then choke at the same time? Because I think I know what it sounds like. Listening to Mitch rinse out his sinuses

in the Airbnb sink. I have a... And I was scared. And then this afternoon, he fell asleep while we were watching TV in the living room. Same noises. It's his breathing.

You can hear it on the Patreon. I have a Neil Med bottle. That's the brand I use, Neil Med. Do you microwave it to clean it? I do microwave it to clean. I nuked it before I used it today. Use promo code DOEBOYS to get 50% off. You're fucking...

We put the DOEBOYS logo on the Neil Med bottle. Man, that's the kind of product we should be advertising. But I rinsed out my sinuses, and there was an issue where the water came back down, and I did kind of... It sounded like I was getting water boarded for a second there. I do apologize. And then Gabriel came into the hotel and was like...

This is not a hotel in Airbnb. This is true. He immediately was like, I gotta fucking smoke a joint. And was lighting a joint off the stove. Wow. To be fair, I had land... I had wheeled my suitcase into the Airbnb

and was like, I just need to fucking smoke a joint. I had done nothing the day. I've gotten high and then flown here. He sells zero trumps. He sells zero trumps. I sell zero trumps. Within three minutes,

he was smoking a joint off the fucking... Whatever, off the stove. The burner. Off the burner. That's fucking cool. That's really cool. I'm fucking cool like that. I'm down to blaze one by myself

on a freezing cold Chicago balcony. I'm sick. We have a balcony. I can smoke weed out here. This is like a funeral story. Lighting a joint off a stove is something a party animal would do in a movie. You are such a nerd.

God damn it. I think it's cool. It's dangerous. It's not cool, kids. Don't do it. Buy lighters. If Nick saw that, he would turn ghostly white and go to bed.

No. I'd be like, save a hit for me, buddy. Oh, boy. God damn it. I... Tiger. I just want to say, he gets a lot of shit

and everyone's right in every step of the way. But he's busting his balls. I've smoked dope with Nick multiple times, zero times with Mitch. Just one of those things that I've been doing multiple times with Mitch.

Just want to throw that out there. Wow. Wow. I think multiple is two, by the way. Yeah, two. I needed to really hit you hard. And one time was for a Doughboyz episode. Yup, yes.

It was at your house. What was the second time? At, um... A high and mighty power hour. He was already drunk. He might not have wanted to smoke. No. I wanted to blaze.

I had a great time. Me, Nick Weiger, my 70-year-old father-in-law, and a couple other guests just blazing a joint behind UCB. Your in-laws can party, man. They're fucking rad. Your friends were at the power hour I did with you and they gave me like uppers or something.

Yeah, not or something. It's not... It doesn't go up your nose and you call it uppers or something. It's not an IPA if you snored it. I did nothing of the sort. They gave me uppers or something. I did nothing of the sort.

And I was like, your friends are fucking trash. They're all from Massachusetts. They're all mass guys, aren't they? Yup, they were all mass dudes. But anyways, we got there late. Yeah. And then we got...

I got an Italian margarita, Nick, when I got there. Yes, you sure did. Which is like a margarita but orange juices in it. I don't know how that makes an Italian. I feel like there was lemon chillo in it, which is Italian. Right, right. It was tasty.

It was pretty good. Everyone had a little sip of it. Yeah, I tasted it. It felt like... I was saying it came from like a powder mix or something. Oh, yeah. You said it tasted like an emergency. Is that correct?

Yeah, it did. It kind of had... You know, there's just like a more citrusy margarita. I thought it was pleasant. I thought it was fine. Again, just like the Negroni, it was fine. But you know, that's not what they're there for. We got the...

As far as apps go, so at this point we sat down at our table. And let me say this. Did you guys get a name for our server? I didn't get your name. I wish I did because she is a fucking dream. She was fucking awesome. She was so good. Let me see if I have her.

Because I took a photo of the receipt. I wonder if her name is on the receipt. This woman came up to us and she said, I explained to us in a very earnest tone, I am not your server this evening. I am covering for someone who's a little swamped right now. But I will take your order and be back with your drinks and then the other server will take over.

This woman proceeded to like John Henry. Like she was competing against the steam locomotive. Insisted on being our waitress for the entire evening. She was like, she's too busy. And she fucking started that table and finished that table. Yeah. She ruled. And we were there for at least three hours.

Yeah, we were there a long time. She was a champion. The name I have on the receipt, and I don't know if this is her, the person she was covering for. But Debra, shout out to Debra or whoever was subbing for Debra at the Gold Coast, Lu Monades. Just a fucking great customer service.

But we got the, as far as apps go, chicken wings and stuffed spinach bread as well. Well, we'll get to the salad separately. The chicken wings we got, they come with celery, a gorgonzola and ranch dressing or whatever dressing. If you want one or you want both, we got both. We also got half Barbie Lou and half Buffalo Lou. Those are the names of the sauces.

That's kind of fun. Oh, Lou because of Lou Monades. Like Lou Monades. So that's a blast. Nick doubled over a laughter for like 30 minutes. That was funny. He couldn't eat after that. And then the stuffed spinach bread,

which is a crusty loaf stuffed with a blend of cheeses, fresh spinach, garlic, onion and tomato. One of you described this as like a spinach stromboli is kind of what it looked like. It was me. I described it like that. It was nangle. Thank you.

And it has like a little marinara dip and sauce on the side. The wings, I thought were good. They were like good wings, right? Gabor, sure a wing connoisseur. I enjoyed the Buffalo even more. The barbecue was a little sweet, but barbecue usually is a little sweet for me as a default sauce, but I still enjoy it.

I would never go straight barbecue, but if you offer me Buffalo and barbecue, I don't mind dipping back to the molasses flavor. Right. But the barbecue wasn't like a straight, it wasn't straight barbecue. No, it was like a honey spicy barbecue, which is probably the best version

of a barbecue sauce you can have. On for wings. Right. So civically. I don't know when no one interrupt. Oh, I'm sorry. I meant for wings. No one's even paying attention.

They're like, say a catchphrase. Hot salad. Say it actually works. We had a little discussion about bone in or bone out. Yeah. Because there's a little, there's a, Mitch insisted on having his bone out for the entire meal.

You say that as a joke, but in the Airbnb, I was getting unchanged and right across the way, I saw, I was naked in front of a guy. Oh, wow. Was it gay? Yeah. Right across the way. No way.

He means the living room. I saw some guy lighting a joint on the stove. The Chicago building. I mean, he was right. His, he was right in his living room. I was there in the, in the new just standing there. Gabers heard this. I was, I was naked.

I heard him naked. You're going to hear it. You can hear the skin tags flapping around his thighs. Jesus. The sound that it makes is Heidi heard. Yeah. It is. I did, when you took your shirt off, I was like, man,

you look, I look like so, I look like in the Lord of the Rings, like one of the, like the bad helper guys, like worm tongue. Oh yeah. I have a, I think the dude from 300 who helps them with the hump. I have the skin color of worm tongue. It's, it's just a very pale, not healthy looking.

Oh, I've been, I benefit a lot from being hairless and like a light orange color. Cause I, I go, I'm from the school of, if you can't tone it, tan it, you know? Jesus. Gabers, you look great with your shirt off. You wear your weight very well. Mitch, I think you look, no, hold on.

I think you're too hard on yourself. I've seen you without a shirt. I think you look, I think you have a very nice physique. Like, I think you really wear your weight well. You have a good distribution of body hair. I think you're a good looking guy. And I think, I got, I got one question.

Yes. Were you staying across from our Airbnb last night? I was in the sauna with Mitch this afternoon and saw him shirtless. And I, what did I say to you? Is that gravy coming out of your pores? I said, I didn't know men lactated. No. I said, Mitch, you look fucking great.

You look like you lost weight, man. You have. And you look good. You look like a fucking, Yeah. Brolic like dock worker or some shit. Am I, am I dying? What's happening here?

Well, we're all hoping. This is your make a wish. Two of your friends will say something nice about you for once. I mean, this will be edited out of the pod. Yeah, we'll go get this out of here. This doesn't play. These are the conversations I can't really participate in. Because I can't like roast as well.

I also can't talk shit on my own body. Cause it just comes off differently. So I just have to like sit it out. And if you compliment me, I'll get a text letter by thanks. Like want to hang out tonight. No, Mitch has a really good body, Mitch. You said I had a really good body at the show.

You like wrestling? If I talk shit on my own body, I'll get like 10 tweets that are like, you know, I'm the only one that thinks you're beautiful. Oh my God. That's my favorite angle for dudes. I'm actually like a weird guy and I'm into Ashley Graham.

You know, like, whoa, bold, the insane model with huge tits. What a fucking progressive dude. Yeah. You know what? Oh my God. Wait, did you ask us if you were dying for a different reason?

If this was the third act of a movie, there would be blood on a napkin. This is like little women over here. You're Beth. Guys, what? Oh no. She has the Spanish flu. What just happened?

Keep writing your stories, Neng. Keep writing your stories. You're brave. I wish I could be brave like you, Neng. I was going to say, throw that little cough, sneak this way out. The whole panel looks great.

Oh boy, okay. We're all looking good. We're hot. We're all hot as fuck. So hot as fuck. You know what? Not pandering. I think the audience looks fucking fantastic.

Hell yeah. Not pandering at all. I would fuck all of you. If you guys were okay with it. That guy stood up with a baguette. No, I'm not wrong. Oh, it's a rolled up poster. Oh, it's a poster.

It's a rolled up poster, but in our defense, you're spreading butter on it and eating it. Also, Mitch is already at cartoon Starvation Island level. A hot dog just stood up and held a baguette.

It's like that scene in Greece where they're at the drive-in. When we exit tonight, I'm going to float off the stage, sniffing a steamy smell on the way. What did you guys think of that stuffed spinach bread? I'm going to go with a baguette.

I'm going to go with a baguette. I'm happy. I'm happy. You know, you've got a good thing going when segues get applause breaks. You know, you've got something figured out when getting back to the business gets a fucking standing ovation.

I thought it tastes... It looked like a little loaf, which I thought was cool, but it tastes... I don't know. I like it. It kind of did taste like a... What did I say? Stromboli.

It tasted like a stromboli. Why does this exist? It was just like a weird little... I think my opinion is it's a great appetizer and it would be an awesome appetizer for any meal with the exception of pizza. Right, exactly. It's a great point.

Because it's bread, cheese and something and you're like, oh, this is cool. I kind of would rather have pizza and also I have a bunch of pizza coming. It's the garlic knots, garlic bread paradox with pizza. This is oftentimes just an app that appears alongside it

but doesn't really line up with it at all. It makes no sense. Yeah. But it was fine. The wings we touched on, the salads. So we got a malnadi salad. We didn't touch... The wings were good.

Surprisingly good. The wings were good. We touched on the wings. We did get to the... I just want to point, we touched on the wings already. We didn't talk about them enough, I don't think. He spent more time with the loaf.

I don't care about the loaf. I wanted to tell us... Well, you know who does? And he's here. Mr. Meatloaf himself. Furious. Mine and Mitch's dad, Meatloaf, has arrived. Since our dad died,

Meatloaf adopted both of us. He would eat anything for love. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. No. Please wait, I was talking about the fucking wings. I liked it. Oh, Jesus.

He liked it, but didn't make eye contact. The wings were nice. Yes. The loaf was just okay. Oh, so that's what you wanted to go back and recover. You wanted to say the wings were nice. They were surprisingly good. Thank God we circled back around for...

The wings were surprisingly good for a blue malnadi. They're good wings. For a blue malnadi. They were surprisingly good. I agree. We weren't expecting to get good wings. We said, all right, let's get wings.

And I think you talked about this recently on an episode of Doe Boys. Wings have somehow become like the de facto pizza side order. Right, yeah. And my opinion on that is that it is sort of the opposite of pizza where it is just meat. Yes. And pizza is like everything but meat

unless you put a topping on it. But it is like bread, sauce, cheese, veggies. And then I think you're like, well, what would go good with that? It's like something that just has no bread in it whatsoever. Yeah. Yeah. And they were tastier than I thought they were going to be.

That's all I want to say. Okay, get to the loaf again or whatever. We touched on the loaf, but speaking of no bread, the two salads we got, we got the malnadi salad and the spinach fruit salad, the malnadi salad. And again, shout out to our server who may have been named Debra. So this salad. I think it names Debra.

That went worse than I thought it was going to. And it went pretty bad. It's a song. Is it really? I'm not caught. I think your name is Debra. The name of the song is Debra. Okay.

But the lyrics are, I think it names Debra. Wait, hold on. Weigar, you said, is it really? You were maniacally laughing at something you didn't know was a song. I thought it was like a made up 80s power ballad. I was like, oh, that's funny.

It's a Beck song off of Midnight Vultures. Oh, it's a Beck song. Oh, that's cool. He's cool. So does anyone else's microphone smell like bad breath or just mine? Mine does as well. Sorry, Nangle.

I'm like screaming hot fucking beer breath in your mouth. I can't. I'm fine. Mine smells like flop sweat. So Romain lettuce, tomatoes, black olives, mushrooms, salami bits and gorgonzola cheese with a sweet vinaigrette and romano as well. We said, and we didn't ask for this,

but we said that one of our diners, Nangle, was a vegetarian. You don't have to say her name when you guess one of these people is vegetarian. It's not the fucking Supasot brothers over here. So our server on her own gave us the salami bits on the side. So that could be enjoyed by everyone at the table,

which is really nice. A applaud for salami on the side. Above and beyond. The spinach fruit salad. I was pissed off. I was actually not fully into that idea because I was like, no, give me that salad the way it comes. But then there was an added benefit of her giving us

that salami on the side, which was our spinach salad that we ordered that had no meat in it can now have salami added to it. So I was able to put salami on twice the amount of salad. And I think you poured it into your water. I did put it on. We'll get to it later when we talk about the pizza, but I put it on a lot more things.

Yeah, she gave us a ramekin with a lot of salami bits. The spinach fruit salad, the other salad, spinach with fresh seasonal food, red onions, crumbled goat cheese, and balsamic vinaigrette. You know, this was just like, it was very fruit forward. The seasonal fruit, as far as I could tell, was just pears. And it was just a little on the sweet side for me. I don't know, what did you...

Dough boys. Dough boys. Dough pears. There you go. Nango came up with that fucking dough boys joke. She's been killing me. I was like, you got to say that when we get out there. She's like, no.

And she was just making me laugh so much up in the fucking... I didn't want to embarrass anybody. I didn't want to take anybody's thunder. Yeah. But I was like, man, they're not comedians. They're more like guys that eat at restaurants. Yeah. They're not like us.

They're not like us. I was surprised by it up here. I hadn't heard it before. I thought it was great. Weiger. Dynamite. Weiger. Weiger, you're blowing it for them.

No one believes you're acting right now. You know it came from me. Friend? Wow, we are dead. Oh my God, it was so good on camera. I've never seen this. That was the saddest ellipses I've ever seen in conversation in my life.

Friend? Friend? Nick, I'll tell you what I thought about the salads. Please do. I thought they were both great. They're both good salads. I thought the spinach salad was good, but then especially the...

What is it called? The malnadi salad. The malnadi salad is a great salad. It was helped a lot by the salami because it had some salt to cut all those ingredients. You know what I particularly liked in it? The sweet vinaigrette.

I also liked the romano. It's another Deborah joke. Deborah? Bitch just fist bumped me for his romano joke, and I did it in earnest. I was genuinely like, dude, that got me. I didn't get it. Is that like a men of a certain age reference?

Yeah, you have to be a man of a certain age to get it. It was a great joke, Mitch. Everyone loved it. So we have a... What's your problem with the romano, buddy? He said everyone loved it. That's the joke. Like the show.

Oh. Mitch has his head in his hands. Know what? I agree with you guys. I'm stupid. I'm stupid. I agree now. I'm a dumb idiot.

I actually didn't get it either. I didn't get it either. What other show features a portion where the hosts try comedy for the first time and land it and then undo it themselves and end up calling themselves stupid? You guys almost said a joke and both agreed for the first time

in 200 episodes of Bickering. No, Beth. Not my Beth. It's the consumption. I'm your Huckleberry. So let's get to the pizzas. We got the... We got three different pizzas.

We got two deep dishes and one thin crust. So here's what we got. We got the deep dish Malnadi Chicago Classic, which is... These are two of the signature pizzas. Luzlin sausage, mozzarella cheese, vine ripe and tomato sauce on Buttercrust. Buttercrust is there.

Wow, people love the Buttercrust. Yeah, what do you think Chicago doesn't love Buttercrust? I think that's when, like, everything on the pizza is hot except the crust. Nengeng. That was good. Thank you. Nengeng.

Nengled. We also got the Lou, a menu description. A pizza so good, we gave it his name. The other one has his name, too, so I don't know why. So does both wing sauces. Yeah. His name is Ossillable.

He can squeeze it in wherever he wants. What a prick. I don't know if you heard the intro, but he's not around anymore, Gabriel. Oh, he's not? A guy who fucking sells cheese by the brick to people? So this is a spinach mix, which has garlic, basil and onion as well,

mushrooms and sliced Roma tomatoes. Covered with three cheeses. One of the cheeses clearly cheddar on that garlic Buttercrust, yet a lot of Roma tomatoes. I mean, they're just like, basically covering the entire surface area. I've got a lot of strong opinions about that pizza. Let's talk about these deep dishes pizzas

because this is what it's all about. Let's start with a deep dish, the Lou. What were your thoughts, Gabriel? Which one's the Lou? The Lou is the veggie one. Okay. Okay, so the veggie one, I'm going in fully open minded,

less than thrilled to even be having something that's like the veggie one. I'm sorry. But I understand. I do like veggie. I love vegetarian. I love pizzas that have a lot of veggies on it. I've been a fan of that for a long time.

So I'm going into an open mind. Then I see one of my least favorite food items ever is tomatoes. I love tomatoes in everything, but I hate tomatoes on everything. Interesting. Tomatoes on sale. Tomatoes on sandwiches.

Tomatoes on burgers. And then tomatoes on top of slices. It makes no, I'm sorry. The texture is incorrect. It's like, I love this pizza. It's missing a cold, slimy, wet, vareen to go across the top. Sometimes I think about like,

when the revolution starts, where will it start? And it's like, you're up here screaming about tomatoes. And there are grown men booing. And people are like, where are you at? No, but like, it's just like, but this is what we care about. Right. And we deserve to die.

That's awesome. When the story is told of the Doe Boys Revolution, it will begin with Gabriel having that strong opinion there. And then it'll be, but the revolutionaries were two out of breath to continue their rebellion. No, none of the revolutionaries are in this room. They're coming in from the outside.

Oh, I gotcha. They paid money for what? Off with their heads. This is our let them eat cake thing. Exactly. I think this is the best buy you ever could have made, baby. Doe Boys Live worth every penny. Posters and more merch on sale in the back.

You want to kiss you song? Five bucks. Uh, 20 bucks. Oh, you saw. He's a sweaty boy. He's a sweaty boy. He's applying chapstick. He knows what's up.

Mitch, your thoughts on the deep dish. Malnadi Chicago. Fuck, I said the wrong one. The deep dish, the lew, the veggie one. There was a lot of veggies on there. There was a lot of veggies. Spinach, you said? The tomato?

Yes. It was a strange... It was a lot of vegetables of a certain temperature. Yeah. It was interesting that it featured spinach. Yeah. Hot. Hot spinach.

Tomatoes. Hot. Yeah. It's almost like if you took that crust away, are you having a... What would that be? It's not a salad. Fuck.

It's a hot salad. It was very much like a hot salad. It was a hot salad in a bread bowl. That's right. This person understands where we professional comedians were leading you. And you got there before everybody. In case you were wondering what the premise was,

so-and-so helped us. I thought it was good. It's like he can do it. Yeah. I kind of... Yeah. I enjoyed... I enjoyed the...

We were going to make funny for being like a hot salad, but I did enjoy it. It was good. Yeah. It was good. It was nice. It was not my favorite of the bunch. I'll say that much.

My third favorite of the bunch or the worst. Wow. Whatever I'm trying to do and I'm not trying to win, you freaks over. I liked it. And, Nangle, I'm saving your thoughts for last

because you are the vegetarian of the bunch and I'm curious about your... If you felt this one really delivered, but I will say, from my opinion, it was just so... And I guess I think you respond on... It was just so dominated by those tomatoes.

Like that was just like you had a layer of tomatoes to get through. And I like tomatoes. I'm a tomato fan, but it was overall a tomato pizza. I think that was the dominant element. And I get like a veggie mix. I was just like,

I would have liked to have had a little bit of everything. I would have liked to have had a garden of veggies, I could sample. And they were there in theory, but they were just kind of dominated by so much tomato flavor in every bite. Nangle, your thoughts on this pie?

Okay. So, one thing about me, I like hot tomatoes. I like... Okay. I do too. Tomatoes.

I like tomatoes on things. Thank you. But I didn't mind this pizza. I thought everything that I think tonight, I think things are missing a little bit of a hotness to them. A little spice, but the thing that really bugged me about it

was the cheddar. The shredded cheddar on top, really for me was like, why are you here? I mean, thank you, but no thank you. Interesting. Wow. These people were like,

eat our traditional pizza that we put cheddar on. No, I really did like everything about it. And I don't eat cheese. I almost never eat cheese. I'm going to be very sick for weeks. But yeah, it was the cheddar that really kind of ruined it.

Not ruined it, just kind of like took away from it for me. I kind of liked it because it specifically reminded me of Round Table Pizza, which is a chain we have out west. And they throw cheddar in their three cheese blend.

So it kind of worked for me. Well, they're stupid idiots. Wow, okay. Taking a swipe at the Round Table Pizza Corporation. We were sitting at a Round Table. We were sitting at a Round Table. Oh, shoot.

Great, wow. Hey, it's an hour into the show for God's sakes. Give me a break. I thought it was a pretty good observation. So the other one, the Deep Dish Malnadi Chicago Classic, the one with meat on it,

I thought like, it's again, as dominated by sausages, the Lou is dominated by tomatoes. But I really like this one. I thought the sausage flavor is really great. Like, it's just really savory and flavorful, not spicy, but like, you know, well-seasoned.

And the right proportions of cheese, I thought that Buttercrust worked nicely on both of them, but particularly here. Yeah, I thought this was great. And I was just like, oh, this is what Deep Dish Pizza is all about. This is a great execution of this very specific food.

What did you guys think of that one? It ruled. It was awesome. Mitch looked at me and said that as if we were supposed to say that in unison. I swear to God, I thought I was reading your mind. I really thought we were on board. It did rule.

No, it ruled. Say it in unison, say it in unison. All right, let's try it again. It was awesome. When I have an eventual heart attack, tonight, I think I will remember the biting into that sausage-y, delicious, thick fucking pizza.

Yeah. It was good as hell. It was great. That's when I imagined what I thought Deep Dish Pizza was going to taste like. I was so open-minded to the idea of Deep Dish. It excites me. It's just more red meat, cheese, and sauce.

The shit I like about pizza, but more of it. So I was hyped on it. And then when I had the vegetable one first, I think, and I was like, this is going to be weird. And then when I had the sausage one, I'm like, no, I see why people love fucking Deep Dish Pizza. Wow. It was very good.

Wow. It was so good. And I don't give a fuck if you have to eat it by fork and knife. I don't give a fuck. But if you guys love Chicago Deep Dish Pizza but boo other pizzas, you're really missing out on life.

Because pizza is fucking rules. I would never boo Chicago Pizza if I was at the owner of Lucali's birthday party. Lucali's is a fantastic pizza area in Brooklyn if you get a chance to try it out. People need a thing to... I saw Jay-Z there once. Very cool.

People need a thing to hinge their identity on and regionalism is the easiest thing. OK, so anyway, I say this as a Philadelphian. I feel like the saw... Actually, listening to you guys talk, the sausage probably added a spice that the other pizza was missing.

Right. Yes, you might be right. Because that did help balance it. Yeah, that's what it was missing. I wanted like sriracha or something to put on it. It was definitely clear, step up in terms of just like the amount of flavor it had versus the Lou,

which was also good. I also enjoyed it. I will say my Lou hack that I did that made me really dominate a few slices of the veggie pizza was I swiped the tomatoes off and sprinkled the salami all over that. Oh my God.

And I sprinkled the salami all over the Lou, left the spinach, the cheese and the sauce, but got rid of these fucking wet, slimy discs that they put on top of a pizza. And then I really like the veget... I can't call it the vegetarian slice anymore, but I was really into it at that point. I ended up eating three slices of the sausage,

two slices of the vegetarian, and two slices of the thin crust. He's an eater, man. A lot of pizza. There's guys, there are guys applauding you. Some people are disgusted, and then there's some people who are like, yeah, yeah.

And between three... There's a whole row that's saluting. Stolen Valor. And then there's a couple EMTs running in. There's a defibrillator paddles salesman making a fortune. I remember just watching you guys eat. I felt like an accomplice.

You were like, my wife's gonna call you and be like, you let him do this. I know, I was like, I need to pay attention to every detail because I'm gonna be deposed by some detectives. Our third pizza,

let me just characterize it this way. My mother would come home to an empty mailbox because this pizza was nothing to write home about. Wow. Yes. Wow. The thin crust cheese was fine, but fine is not the reason you go here.

You go here for the deep dishes. You don't eat... This thin crust pizza was like a fine... Honestly, I'd characterize it as a really good oven baked pizza. That's what it felt like. It felt like a good thin crust pizza. It felt like a solid bowling alley pizza.

Right. Here's what I think. I think that a part of the issue with the thin crust cheese is that that tomato sauce just doesn't work on it as well. Yeah, it doesn't. The tomato sauce that goes on the deep dish pizza is very flavorful and full.

And then when it's on a thin crust, cheese pizza just really takes over. It dominates. It dominates a thin crust, in a way. I liked all three of them, honestly. I don't give a fuck. I liked it. I didn't like it.

Yeah. I thought it was like an Elio's pizza, or Elio's pizza. Elio's. Elio's pizza. Did you guys have that out here? No one's applauding except for one lunatic. Do you guys not know?

We called it Elio's. The guy in the Nangang shirt's going, Ape Shit, would you be surprised? Guys, have you met my dad? You're doing it, Christine. You're throwing it. That's brand. You're dirt.

You're dirt. Everybody, you're being dirt. No, but do you guys not know Elio's or Elio's pizza? It's like a toaster of a pizza. Don't dig in on this. They're going to hate you even more. OK. No, I just, I didn't like it, but also.

Elio's pizza is probably too thin for Chicago. They need something thicker and fucking wet. I'm guessing this is Red Baron country. No. OK. Red Baron. I took a shot. Also, doesn't your mom get bills and catalogs?

Yeah, she would still get mail. She would still get mail. Yeah, you write handwritten snail mail letters to your mom. No, I don't. And don't you live 40-minute drive from where she's? I would just go visit her in person. But you could, if even if you didn't like the meal, you could write and say,

Mom, I had a meal I didn't like. Yeah, there would still be a reason. Look, it falls apart upon any sort of inspection. I went, we did Doe Boys Live in Chicago. I hung out with Weigar's family and they were like. Wait, you said Chicago. Oh, I said, I didn't say San Diego. Yeah, it's San Diego.

I did Doe Boys Live in San Diego. Weigar's whole family was there. They stuck around. They were like, have drinks with us. I watched. Guess who was the first to leave the outing? Nick. His family's so much cooler than him.

It's insane. I had to drive home that same night because I had a union meeting the next morning that I couldn't miss. Seize the means Weigar. Seize the means. Your mom and dad looked me in the eyes. They talked to me like a normal human being.

Yeah. The question on everyone's mind. How big was his dad's hug? Jesus Christ. I thought this was going to be a joke about the size of Mitch's eyes. I didn't even read about Nick's dad's dick. Well, do you remember that spinach loaf?

Jesus Christ. One drawback to having seven beers in an hour and 10 minutes is you have to pee so bad. You're an idiot. You're an idiot. I'd say you could take a bathroom break, but I think we need you out here. Mitch and I are going to be fucking late.

I'll be shitting for a half an hour. For dessert, we got the full cookie pizza. Things went awry here. So this is a fresh baked chocolate chip cookie with vanilla ice cream, whipped cream. Yeah, it was a shooting. We buried the lead. No, this took a very...

We were able to tackle Nick and stop him, though. He had a Tommy gun. He pulled a Tommy gun off the Lumon on his wall and started shooting. No, that was at Portillo's. Oh, that was Portillo's at the Tommy gun? I think every Chicago bar has a Tommy gun. So it took long enough where our server apologized to us,

and then I think the manager came out separately and told us it was taking too long. I guess they had a new person in the kitchen responsible for making this dessert. They ended up comping for us because it felt like it took close to 40 minutes. And when it finally came out, it was burned. So it was just not well executed.

I've had the BJ's Paizuki, which is really, really, really good, one of the better chain restaurant desserts. And this one, at least in this form, did not come close to this. This was just a poorly made one. It was thin. And I used to work at Max and Irma's restaurant. Do you guys know Max and Irma's? And I was a waitress, and we did a similar thing

where we would bake half a dozen chocolate chip cookies to order, so I know how stressful that can be when you're trying to time them correctly. And I know how easy it is also to blame the kitchen. I'm not saying that that's not what happened, but it was just not great. Servers do that. The front of the house will be like, oh, it's the kitchen

because they don't want to affect their own gratuity. And hey, if they're sharing it with the kitchen, I understand that maybe that's just the right pragmatic move to make. I got news for you. Yeah. I think it was better than that. And then I think it was a better cookie.

I did. I thought it was better than whatever that piezuki. Really? Yeah. BJ's? Then BJ's piezuki. I did. There was issues with this thing.

Yes. There's something went wrong in the kitchen. I think they overcompensated with the ice cream. A lot of ice cream. A lot of ice cream. The cookie to ice cream ratio was slightly off. Yeah. I think it needed a little moss cookie

and a little lat-manos ice cream. You know I'm getting drunk when I start putting one Spanish word in each sentence. I enjoyed it. I mean the piezuki I had were good in quality. I truly liked it. I was wrecked at this point. Like everything.

Right. I had like the carb flu. I was, edibles were kicked in. And my three to eight crumbucker pilsners that I had all been activated at this point. And I loved it so much. And then when someone said, I wish there was more cookie, it like fucking, you know,

I woke up from the matrix and I was like, I know kung fu. And I got it. And I was like, fuck yeah, this shit, the cookie is off. Like it needs just a double. It needed a whole second cookie in there. Right. At the rate they were doing.

And we don't know if we got a poorly executed version of it or if we got the standard and they need the note of less ice cream, more cookie. We don't know. And that's something that we'll never know. Who can say? They don't even know our fucking server's name. So how the hell are we going to find anything?

I'm sorry. Take your name, Stapra. I'm sorry. I'm shocked to you guys. I was having a good time. I thought we were all having fun. We did have fun. Is this how it normally is with me?

It doesn't mean we love you any less. Yes, it doesn't have fun with me. It doesn't taste better just because you're in a high chair with a bib. Like we let you out eventually. We all had a fun time. You really like that dessert? I like it.

Yeah. I genuinely like it. That's great, man. We're all allowed to have different opinions. Took a lot of time for them to find a high chair for me. They had to get that Lily Tomlin chair, the rocking chair, and then put a seatbelt on it. Nick had to take me and change me mid-meal.

They had to repurpose a lifeguard chair. I feel like a Lily Tomlin joke was more like Chicago style joke, but I don't think as many people got it. Because it was slow and sort of funny. No, I just think it's bad if I tell people. Nice. Taking shots as the show ends at Chicago. The city's style of improv comedy,

something that is relatable. Let's get to our final thoughts on Lou Malnati. We've talked through our entire meal at this point. Now we're just going to go down the line, give our closing argument, and give this a rating from 0-5-4. We established in the previous show, which those of you who are aware of this new rule, you have the opportunity to pass.

Yes, we can pass, and then if all of us pass, show's over. Yeah, if all of us pass, the show's over. All right, so Christine Nangle. Pass. Because Nangle is passing. Okay. It goes to Gabriel.

I'll never give up the opportunity to talk. I knew it. I will say. Because I want to get to the questions from the people of Chicago. You know what? I'm going to go first because I'm afraid of what's going to happen. By the way, thanks for reminding me that these people ask questions. I'm going to take my fucking turn.

Because I'm probably alone here, it sounds like. So I'm just going to go. I'm going to go first. Oh, thank you. Thank you for your service, Mitch. Four forks. Wait, is that your review? Yes.

Wow, okay. Four forks from Christine Nangle. What? All right. Never mind then. I'm going to pass. Wow. All right.

This is great news. I should go before you. I'm afraid. All right, go ahead. No, why don't we have Gabriel go last? Because we want this New Yorkers opinion on the Chicago pizza. People are going to get it. I think it's going to be determinant.

I think that it's going to be perhaps. I think it's going to have some consequence. So we'll save that for last. I've been to a lot of deep dish pizza places out here. Like I said, I know, I said it already. I'm going to say it again. Did someone in the audience go, we know? Yes.

He's the guy you called the freak earlier. Yeah. Well, and he's still on my side. Says more about you than anything else. I've been to Pequod's. Whoa. Standing ovation for eating pizza. I've been to the original UNO.

I've been to Paizanos. I've tried pretty much everything. When I was here for the, I know I haven't tried everything. God damn it. When I was here for the Patriots and Bears games, people were asking me where we should go. And I said Pequod's first. And then one of the guys had been to Pequod's.

And then I said, we should do Lou Malnati's after, after everything was, was, was named off. And another guy had been to Lou Malnati's. So it was Lou Malnati's versus Gia Darno's. And I said, Lou Malnati's, we should do Lou Malnati's. We went to Gia Darno's. Whoa. And it, and, and, and I like it,

but it wasn't as good as a time as it would have been if we went to Lou Malnati's. Lou Malnati's, it's a fun, there's good, there's good, it's good food. It's the Chicago. I'm so glad I'm going last. It's deep dish pizza. You sound like you're talking because you know

there are five guys in the mob with guns trained on you. Like if you say the wrong thing, they're going to pull the trigger. I also got an angry orchard cider, by the way, just to be clear. It's, I know, I know that it's not a Pequod's, but for what it is, it's really, really, really good. And it's, it's, it's, it's almost closer to a chain restaurant, right? Then Pequod's is kind of its own thing.

And I, I had a very much a change. I had a great time with friends. Oh boy. Biting into that sausage pizza. That was Chicago deep dish pizza to me. I'm going five fucking four. Wow. Fuck.

And I am, I'm not pandering. I mean this sincerely. I will say the only thing that was bad is Gabriel's and I went back to the Airbnb and we fucking just chugged water. And then we made some of our own spinach loaves. Jesus Christ. My loaf had no spinach, a lot of blood. No.

God, can we go back to talking about my dad's dick please? It's not the first time you've said that. I, I, I, that is, that, that is my main hold up with it. I had a fucking blast. It's just very heavy food in that, in addition to Portillo's, I feel so much like shit. Yeah. I, I sent it in the first show.

I don't know how the fuck you guys do this. You're fucking freaks. It's the heaviest food on earth. But I, I five forks. It's a great, it's a great place. Great. Super heavy. So the people at Lou Malnati's pizza sent us a DM from their

verified account. We're looking forward to a review of our food. Please let us know if you would like us to provide you with some of our menu items to try and if you need information about our history as a family owned company or commitment to using high quality ingredients or anything else. Uh, gave us a contact for their brand manager. Was it Deborah?

It was not Deborah. Okay. Uh, we. Go, and you should stop. I think your name's Deborah. Not going to stop. I, I just. I don't care if you don't like it.

I love it. See. Uh, I just want to be clear that, uh, our reply to this was the dough boys can't be bought. This. We wanted to use. You liar. You sent a photo of you in Minions PJs.

Gabers has to piss very bad. I'm going to go piss between my fork review and snack or whack because my back teeth are floating. Um, look. Yeah. Oh, you want to give me a review right now? Yeah. I'm going to give my review on the road.

Uh, so here's the thing. Guys, deep dish pizza is fucking amazing. What the version of it I had was great. I will not say my review of Lou Malnati's is the review of deep dish pizza. I will, I can have those two be mutually exclusive. And I will say my full overall lose experience. And I guess I'm running into the crowd to pee.

So maybe punch me in the face is three forks. Wow. So Gabriel just ran off stage because he has to go pee. He just flipped double birds at the audience. I am fucking shocked after the metaphorical fuck you of the three fork review. I am shocked. Jesus.

What a heel turn. Um, I, uh, why is anti-climactic now? Well, and my mic went out. Yes. Cut his mic. Mine's anti-climactic. I was going to give it four forks, but whatever. Yeah.

I mean, yeah. Well, it's, you know, that's it. It's not in the golden play club. It's, it will never be in there. So sorry, Lou Malnati's. You're on the outside. Say your review. Anyways, pretend that he didn't say three forks.

I liked it. I thought it was great. I thought like, what's the chain trying to do? This chain is a deep dish pizza chain. Yeah. It's got other stuff on the menu. The salads were fine. The wings were good.

Uh, the apps were what were forgettable. The dessert was a mess. The thin crust was nothing to write home about as I said earlier, but the deep dish pizza was great. It's great. Deep dish pizza. It's executing that thing really, really, really well. And I think in terms of like, like, I want to get deep dish pizza.

I'm going to be in Chicago. Oh, hit up Lou Malnati's. That's the, like that will absolutely execute that to the degree, to a four fork degree. So that's why I believe it deserves that. Wow. Why is rock hard right now? Gabers really fucked this up.

Yeah. You know what? This may seem extreme, but I hope he slips in the bathroom and breaks his neck on the urinal. I could see him. I could just see a figure hanging from the balcony on a, just slowly like in the Wizard of Oz,

like swinging back and forth. Boy Mitch, you would so never say that to his face. He's gone. And no one mentioned it when he comes back. Uh, that was our review of Lou Malnati's. It's time for a segment. I've got a mystery drink and our panel must figure out what it is.

Oh. It's the Weiger Challenge. Hit it. Oh God. Does anybody really know what drink it is? Does anybody really care? Drink. If so, I can't imagine what for.

We've all got beverages to pour. Okay. That's all I got. So, Gabers is back on stage. Oh, getting booze. They're not, they don't like you. Oh, I must seem like someone who gives a fuck what you think.

Shout out to Ryan. It just blaze me out in the bathroom. You smoked weed in that, in that, you smoked weed and pissed? Yeah, at the same time. This is the power of pot smokers. He's like, you want to hit it this while he's peeing? Pass it to me.

I hit it. Pass it back to him. Never take our other hands off our dicks. Ryan. So, I have HPV. If anyone wants to see me at the meet and greet. Everybody has HPV. Oh, perfect.

Ryan, are you single? All right. So, we're drinking this. Yeah. Mitch, do you have one? Do you have one? HPV. You either have the H, the P, or the V.

Which one do you have? You have one of those three letters. Okay. Now, Gabers, it's funny that you said three forks when you wanted us to bring home the leftovers from fucking Lou Malnati's last night. Wow. That one.

Yeah. I've also eaten out of trash cans. So, like, me wanting to, I said I fucking liked it. But I'm not a, I'm not a graded on a fucking curve because I'm in Chicago. I'm going to be honest. Wow.

Because I have to go. I got to go on tour with you guys wherever you guys go so you can have some fucking comedy in the show. This is his last show. So, I'm going to be in Texas. I'm going to stand up for my beats. I'm going to stand up against, but I fucking, three forks is a good score.

You guys are upset that a chain restaurant, you have no financial stake in. Stop providing them. You get an arbitrary amount of forks that has no effect on your life or the restaurant. Abrus is rock hard right now. I'm sperming. That's a callback from the other show.

Yeah, I think that is the other show. So, if you're listening to both these episodes, that's exciting. All right, guys. You have this beverage in front of you and these clear plastic cups. You can describe for everyone what you are smelling, what you are sensing,

have some taste of this and try to guess what this mystery drink is. I'm already pissed before I smell it, because, oh, yeah. I think I know what it is now. Nagle is coughing it up. I know exactly what it is. Oh, that could only be Malort.

Gabriel, do you have one? Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. I have a guess. He's got it. I have a guess. Okay, what's your guess? Liquified pennies. Yeah, what is goblin puke?

Oh, my God. It gets worse as it goes. It has five different aftertaste, and they're all bad. It tastes like after you throw up and then you sit down to calm yourself down. That's what it tastes like. This is the worst shit.

I've had this previously. I've had this before. I've had this before. I've had this before. I've had this before. I've had this previously because people are like, yeah, this is a Chicago drink. You got to have this.

Just like a dago to bring Malort to a gunfight. And smush it into my hand. This shit is fucking hot. And I'm an alcoholic. We have to guess it? Yeah, you were supposed to guess, but Gabriel's guessed it immediately. I missed the whole setup of the game.

That's all right. Not that I listened to 500 hours of content. I have a real question, though. Is it the kind of thing that people are like, this is our city, so we are supported? Or do people actually like it? That sucks. Seems mildly polarized.

Wait, you didn't answer my question. Who doesn't like it? There you go. But you still support it. I get it. I get how that works. Yeah, wait, is it like a rite of passage thing? Like you guys want to do some Malort shots? Yeah, it's like, yeah.

Is this what you steal from your parents' liquor cabinet and get fucked up off of, basically? No? It's for tourists. It's for tourists. Okay. It tastes so fucking bad. I'm so upset.

It's bad. I have a little cup here that you song poured me, even though he wasn't supposed to. But I have not, but this actually will work out because I have not had this ever in my life, and I'm going to see how hyperbolic this is. Your guys' reactions. Here we go.

You should have showed it like Gabriel's and I. I should have shot the whole thing. Yeah. You know who's cheering the most right now? Core Niblets. Natalie. That's also a callback to the last show. I know.

I'm building an entire continuity for the series. Natalie, be so thrilled when you come out and pass out on the floor of the hotel. I feel like I watch you guys eat and drink, and I'm like, okay, they're all going to die before me, but then I also, I'm like, no, I'm like more likely to get killed by an intimate partner when you guys live to like 95

while you eat straight shit. So what did you think? I mean, it tastes like rocket fuel, but it kind of sits okay with me. It's not bad. What the... I kind of like it. Of course.

There's never been more proof that you're a fucking robot. It's very potent and it's very bitter, but I like bitter as a flavor. Apparently the name is the Swedish word for warmwood, which is fun. Wormwood? Yeah. What?

Which is fun. Just a fun fact. Like wood filled with worms? No, wormwood is the type of, it's the same wood that's in absent. Oh, that's fucking disgusting. Yeah. I still, it still tastes bad.

Yeah, it went in my nose when I smelled it. How long does it last for? Smell it, and when I saw your face after you smelled it, I was like, oh, that's Malori. It's the old, you know, like most alcoholic drinks that are too strong, you're like, that smells awful. And you like can pinch your nose and shoot it down. You're like, oh, I just choked that down.

Malort is like, yeah, go ahead. Pinch your fucking nose, pal. Right. It's when those things were like. All right, yeah, pinch your nose, pal, you know. I feel like I would try to be like a cool girl that's like hanging with the guys. It's like an eye like Malort.

And I can't even fucking fake that. And that's okay. I'm giving women out their permission to say that this is bad. I, I just want to know, does this go away? Is this my new life? This sucks. You have to eat pizza with a knife and fork for a decade and then finally get the flavor out of your mouth.

It's still, I can still taste it. Jesus, that is fucking zero forks. That sucks. There's a lingering, there's a lingering woody bitterness inside of it. It's puke. It's what you feel after you puke. It's that exact feeling.

It's vile. I will say it's not the best thing to sprint, smoke a bunch of weed, sprint back, and then do a shot. I will say I feel fucking insane. You didn't have to do the whole shot. I didn't mind the flavor that much, but I do think I can see a different dimension now. You guys remember when we came out as minions?

Oh my God. That was so fun. How fun was that? Was that tonight? It was tonight. That was a decade ago. All right guys. That was the Dairy Queen episode.

That was the Liger Challenge. Just like a restaurant. We value your feedback. Let's open up the feedback. Okay. We're going to take three audience questions with the time we have remaining. We have a mic right there that is being positioned

in front of the crowd. So, if you think you have a question that is worth you being the one, the three that are going to be heard, step up to the mic. I see one, two, three people queued up. And we will take these three first up. We got someone in an orange sweater right here. Hi.

What's your name? What's your question? Hi Kevin. Hi. When I'm in a restaurant in Hyrule. Yes. Hyrule Kingdom. You're talking, yeah?

Yes. Okay. No, the other Hyrule. I don't know. I mean, Hyrule might be a fucking place in fucking Scotland or something. I don't know where it is. Hyrule, comma, fictional kingdom.

Thank you. What kind of food would you serve there? First off, Kevin, congrats on having the name of the smartest minion, the leader of the bunch. Hey, there's, I just want to say there's a dispute about who the three were. And all four of you get to ask a question. Yeah, all four get to ask.

Okay, all four of you get to ask a question. For God's sakes. That's fine. Stewart, Kevin, and Bob, please. Yeah. Wait, no, there wasn't a dispute over who the three main minions are. We all know Stewart, Kevin, and Bob are them.

There was a Dave costume. We had a Dave costume. I think we were wearing Dave costume. Is that because it was like an off-brand or something? No, Dave is kind of- All right, here comes some minions and knowledge from Wiger 4 Real. Dave is, I have a Turbo Dave action figure.

Dave is kind of a default minion because he's kind of got the, yeah, this guy's holding it up right there. He's got the two eyes. He's got the overalls. He's got the average sized body. He's like Mario and Mario Kart. He kind of is- What?

Like Mario and Mario Kart is like the average racer. He's got average- He's got the average sized body? Yeah, for a minion. I can't believe I'm about to say this. Can we stop talking about minions and segue to Zelda, please? Please, please. Which is usable in about 40% of your episodes of Doe Boys.

Boy, what kind of restaurant in Hyrule? Oh, boy, that's awfully specific. I would serve pizza slices because they're triangles. Oh, that's fun. I would do a tri- I would call it Triforce and it would be- Fuck. Heavy protein muscle building triangles.

So it'd be like a triangle of gluten-free dough, grass-fed beef, a deep dish dough for you sweethearts. What about three different things? Oh, three different things I like too. That was what my answer was. So I'm going to go with Ganon's Goulash. How about a restaurant that's- the walls are decked with Moblin memorabilia

and it serves dried out octopus husks? Wow! A hard octa-rock cafe. Nangle, do you even know the world? Yeah. All right. Thank you very much for the question, Kevin. Next question.

Hi, what's your name? What's your query? Hi, I'm Gus. Hi, Gus. He's got a Mario shirt on. Very cool. Welcome to our city. I've been looking forward for you guys to come here.

This is super awesome. Great. So if my question was if you guys could do any wrestling move on each other- You song is deleting this episode. Sorry, Gus. Nothing recorded. You song, what the fuck?

Sorry, buddy. All right. So, Gus, if we could do any wrestling move- Hey, you song, don't open the folder that says schoolwork, okay? If you guys could do any wrestling move on anybody else on the stage, what would it be in honor of the top folks?

Oh, okay. Oh, boy. Interesting. Don't get fresh. Nangle already knows my answer, but I'm not going to share it with the crowd, all right? I've already texted it to her and it's a major evidence in a court case

that she has a cancer. I've reported it. I've reported it to- Okay, we all learned our lesson, right? Yeah, no, I was- My answer is the Stone Cold Stunner to Weigher and I've done it already. You did do it.

You did do it? I didn't sell it very well. I'm not a good physical performer. Where was this? This was at the San Francisco sketch fest show two years ago. I need to practice selling it. I didn't do a good job,

but you did a good job executing the move. We could do it again. I'm not going to sell it well and I'm going to get hurt. Please do it. Gus has his dick out. It's going to be bad. Do it.

You have to do it. Let me just say, I have a bulging disc L5S1. I hope this doesn't aggravate it. Okay, I'll do my best. And this is apropos nothing. Be careful, Mitch. Okay, so they're going to do the stunner.

All right, this is an audio medium. They stepped in front of the desk. Okay, I'll be sort of staggering Street Fighter 2 stars going over my head. Yeah, you just got your nose on the turnbuckle. You're, yes. He's swiveling his hips. Yeah.

Well, I'll tell you who sold it the best. The stage held the weight of Mike Mitchell falling on it. And that's how you know, brother. Well, a stone cold Steve Austin finishing move isn't complete without a stone cold Steve Austin finishing move. No, no. Jesus Christ. So now Mitch and Gabriel are,

oh my God, are drinking entire beers. I hope you're happy, Gus. Yeah, Gus. Extremely. Thanks, Gus. All right, two more questions. Hi, what's your name?

Hey, don't worry. The beer just spilled on all the electrical equipment. All right, Legolas, you're up. The second Chicago fire is about to begin. This one will kill two cows. Hi there. My name's Dylan. I grew up on a Wisconsin dairy farm.

Very cool. Yes. Not in an Elvin community in Middle Earth. No, no. My dad does like, this is his favorite anecdote. He has a very feminine son. I never said that. You're very Elvin, which is a compliment.

Like Elvin from the Cosby Show. Let me tell you something, Elvin. But every Saturday morning when we got done with chores, which was usually late morning, early afternoon, we would go to our local Culver's family restaurant. Yeah, people like Culver's. Shout out Culver's. And there would often be parents mistreating their children.

Jesus. A lot of yelling at them, possibly hitting them. I wonder if you have any stories of being at a chain restaurant and seeing people being mistreated. Dear God. Why do you need these stories? Very dark. Why do you need to collect these stories?

I feel like you maybe had a rough one at Culver and you're like, anyone else ever fucking... Did their dad ever call him a feminine in the middle of a Culver's? No, he's a wonderful man and I love him in a dark much honestly. Fuck, well this guy's dad's still alive, huh? That's the only way I could get out of that argument. I did. It does make me think of something not necessarily mistreating a kid,

but in terms of kid behavior in a restaurant, I was in a McDonald's on the drive to San Francisco so stopping in one of those towns that has a few chain restaurants and gas stations that exist basically because it's along the highway. And we're at the McDonald's and we're dining in and a kid puked on the floor and the mom went up to the counter and said,

hey, my kid puked on the floor and then grabbed the kid and they left. No effort at all to help clean up or anything. It was just like, we're getting out of here. I wouldn't even have told them. I would have said, hey, that guy's kid puked on the floor and thrown my fucking disgusting kid in the trunk and gotten out of there.

That beats, I can't think of anything really, yeah. My mom used to, I found this out way later in life. She's like, you are always the best kid. You never cried at all. Oh, this is a quick side thing. She took me to the doctor because she thought I had mental disabilities because I never cried. And she was like, weird.

He fell like fourth. He's just really chill. Although, I think he will have other mental issues for like, entire ends of his life. But my mom and my aunt and her friends, they used to just sit around. My mom was the first one to have a kid. We'd just sit around my car seat on the table

at Friendly's and smoke cigarettes in the smoking section of restaurants. And my mom told me this story. She's like, we would just sit there. I'd bring you to polka night, put you right on the table. And we would all just be playing cards, smoking cigarettes the whole night. You would just be playing there asleep, like no problem.

And I was like, mom, smoking when you're a baby is like very bad. And I think it like stunts your growth. I'm like 300 pounds and I'm upset that she stunted my growth. And she goes, I smoked through your whole pregnancy and you were fine. Look how big you are. So it's not necessarily a restaurant thing.

But if we're airing out grievances about our parents... Is that how your dad died? Your mom smoked around? My dad died from secondhand smoke. Yeah, your mom used to put your dad on the table and just smoke all around. She's like, I used to blow your father while you were right there in the kids' chairs.

I was draining new ports, sucking your father off while you were sleeping right there eating chicken tenders and a Mr. Conehead. I gotta say, first of all, here's one thing. I brought three beers out on stage. Gabor's brought seven. He just cracked into my third beer. Second thing I want to say is that I think my heart shifted when I gave the stunner and I landed on the stage.

I feel like my heart is in a different place than it was. It might have got knocked back into place. And third, I've told this story before, but I had a... Dano is here from Quincy. Dano, what's up? Hi, Dano. Dano! And, uh, I had a birthday party at McDonald's

and all the kids scared Grimace away. And then Grimace left. Only in Boston do they, like, beat the shit out of Grimace. Hey, listen up, you big fucking purple dummy. Yeah. They fucking hit him with, like, a sock full of quarters. Let's go to a Harvard bar and fuck up some purple kids. I'm so fucked up. I'm sorry.

I'm not even gonna... Dano loved it. Thank you for your question. One last question here. Thank you so much. Hi, what's your name? What's your query? I'm Byron. Hi, Byron. Hi, Byron.

I know you guys really like that, uh, cheese pretzel pizza from Little Caesars and you were really into... I just thought it was okay. But you guys were really into that. Wow, okay. I'm sorry. Jesus, ask your fucking question. I'm sorry.

I will ground you. You are my son, right? I... Why not? Me and Mitch will adopt you. You're really like the breakfast king as well. I was wondering if you could come up with, like, your own sort of Franken food like that.

What chain would it be at and what would it be? Breakfast... Wait, are you saying breakfast specific? No, because I was saying you really like the Burger King breakfast burger as well. Oh, yes. So... Are you saying, like, like a pretzel crust pizza

and a breakfast burger? What kind of, like, random... No, no, just whatever sort of weird combination you could come up with. That's good. Oh, I like that. Okay. I like your Briggsby bear shirt, by the way.

It's cool. Thank you. Hmm. It's a difficult question. A lot of possibilities. This would be a great time for the revolution to begin. That while we're thinking hard about this question... This would be a great time if you were not

had tickets to the meet and greet and we're trying to get to your car. Oh, that's great. That reminds me, there's also going to be a feet and greet where I will rub my feet on your cheek. And I'll be throwing a me too in green where I'll be rubbing my feet on your cheek. We were saying, and Angle said that

the feet and greet would have double the line of our feet. Right. Triple. By the way, Angle's feet? Five forks. I agree. Five forks. My feet are on wiki feet. I disagree with the traditional average of wiki feet.

My wiki feet is three stars out of five and it literally is labeled... Wait, hold on. Is this fucked up to say... Guys, everyone, guys and gals, everyone in this room when you go home tonight, log in to wiki feet and rate Angle to five stars. Rate Angle to five stars.

Let's get Angle up to five stars on wiki feet. I mean, if you're going to be there, you might as well get five stars. Right. It's literally three stars and then it says okay feet. I have an answer. A cheeseburger dog. As a pet.

All right, dog. Like a hot dog with ground beef on it? Like that? A hot dog. But instead, it's a cheeseburger. Cheeseburger. In the long bun. I think I won.

A cheeseburger dog. Would that not be fun? A lot of people said no. That's like saying a bowl of cereal except it's a cheeseburger. That's pretty good, too, honestly. It's pretty good, so you're right. Guys, that's our show.

That's it for this episode. Christine Nagel. John Gabriel. You Song Liu. Until next time for the Spoonman Mike Mitchell. I'm Mike McGuire. Happy eating. See ya.

Thank you. That was a hate gun podcast.