Doughboys - Marie Callender's with Scott Aukerman

Episode Date: September 19, 2019

The 'boys are rejoined by Scott Aukerman (Comedy Bang! Bang!, Between Two Ferns: The Movie) to review Scott's former workplace and American restaurant and bakery, Marie Callender's. Plus, a frozen-drink edition of Breaking Chews.Sources for This Week’s Intro Include:Pipeline to the NFL? Big states, schools are key (By Jeff Zillgitt)https://usatoday30.usatoday.com/sports/football/nfl/2008-04-21-draft-database-cover_N.htmDon Callender, who turned his mom’s pie shop into the Marie Callender’s chain, dies at 81 (By Claire Noland)https://www.latimes.com/local/obituaries/la-me-callender11-2009jan11-story.htmlMarie Callender’s founder remembered as innovator (By Nancy Luna)https://www.ocregister.com/2009/01/09/marie-callenders-founder-remembered-as-innovator/Marie Callender’s closes 31 units amid bankruptcy (By Nancy Luna)https://www.ocregister.com/2011/06/13/marie-callenders-closes-31-units-amid-bankruptcy/Marie Callender’s websitehttps://www.mariecallenders.com/our-storyLong Beach Polytechnic websitehttps://lbpoly.schoolloop.com/pf4/cms2/view_page?d=x&group_id=1531973267805&vdid=i52d1x4oywsrWant more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the motto emblazoned on the entryway of Long Beach Polytechnic, the southern California city's oldest high school and one of the most esteemed public schools in the United States. Established in 1895, over its century-plus of operation, the diverse urban high school developed a reputation that reflected its motto, earning accolades for its consistently above-average academic success while serving a thousand strong student body. Despite their harmless-sounding mascot, the Jackrabbit, the school also became a fearsome multi-sport powerhouse and has sent more athletes to the NFL than any other high school. Its list of famous alumni dwarfs entire states, notable highlights include tennis pioneer Billie Jean King,

baseball hall of famer Tony Gwynne, and musician and Long Beach icon Snoop Dogg. And when Snoop in his seminal hit, Gin and Juice, famously wrapped about, quote, so much drama in the LBC, he may as well have been referring to the school's acting pedigree. Its alums include Thespians Carl Weathers, Cameron Diaz, and Academy Award winner Van Haefelen. But another of its high-profile graduates, Don Callender, worked in a field less glamorous than arts and athletics, but one just as important to the American identity, food service. In 1948, fresh off a tour in the military, Don opened a wholesale bakery to distribute his mom's pies, which his parents had sold as a side business in his youth. Don grew the operation over the next 15 years, and in 1964, he opened the first

of his sit-down restaurants in Orange, California, naming it after his mother. The eatery thrived with West Coast diners on the strength of American classics like chili, cornbread, and its signature savory chicken pot pie, as well as his mom's beloved sweet treats. And Don's diner added locations across the West Coast, and also moved into grocery stores with a line of licensed frozen dinners. Unfortunately, its success may now be in the rearview mirror. After Don passed away in 2009, the chain declared bankruptcy, and in recent years has shuttered the bulk of its locations, receding to just two dozen stores. But Don's franchise diner and pie shop no doubt made an impact on chain restaurant history, and in life, the success of the restaurant he named for his

mom evokes another motto from his alma mater of Long Beach Polytechnic. Enter to learn, go forth, to serve. This week on Doe Boys, Marie Calendars. Welcome to Doe Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger, alongside my co-host, Kung Fu Panda Express, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. Hi, Nick. Hi, Mitch. That was courtesy of Lucy Maddox, who writes, Love You Thick Kings, XOXO Lucy. Wow. Am I a thick king?

You were very, you were concerned about this day that you, you think you've gotten fat. I think I'm T-H-I-C-C thick. I've been, I've been seeing some of the, a lot of people when tagging me in photos and social media, we just finished our Feast Coast tour. We were in four different cities. We did eight shows in six days. You shouldn't feel too bad because you were eating fast food every day for, you know, eight days or whatever. I was eating like shit and drinking heavily to cope with the stress. That wasn't, that wasn't a part of the podcast.

You know how we go on the road and we like are forced to drink, we're forced to binge drink every night. You drank a bottle of wine on stage. I did. I drank a bottle of wine on stage. Not as a stunt. I was just like, you know, I just, I had it there. That's worse. That was just my normal consumption habit. We should talk about something real quick because we just,

we just got back from the tour and I know that's something we can talk with. Our guest was also been touring and I know this thing we talk about with them a little bit, but we were over at the restaurant. We came back here, you gave me a ride because I took the bus. You gave me a ride to your apartment and I came upstairs and I, so I knew we were meeting you song here and we just spent on, we just spent like eight days on the road with you song. And while we were getting out of the car, I was like, this is going to be great. We're going to see you song and we just spent eight days together.

We saw him two days ago and I'm going to go up to him and say like, Hey buddy, long time, no C. I thought it was going to be really good. So we walk up the driveway of your apartment, go up to you song. What does you song hit us with? Hey guys, long time, no C. Which to me is of course the thing anyone would say that's the first go-to joke. It was my bit is what I was going to say. I was so excited.

It's like GMTA, I guess. Well, my grandpa or something would say it's a very normal. You were surprised he said that as well. That's the hook of this podcast. It's people like to listen to you and a less funny version of your grandpa. I thought it was a lot. I thought it was a do song. That was a nice moment, right?

It was nice. We had fun. Shit, my grandpa would say. No, I thought that, yeah, of course. I mean, my concern was the house and the fact that it's been, I've been out of the house for two weeks and it just smells like cats a little bit. Right. Which it still does.

You just sort of get let it's just sort of the Lord of the flies situation. Yes. I mean, there are multiple flies in here when I got back. Which I don't really understand why. I don't want to do this, but how do you how to spoon nation? I did it quick and I will play a drop even though I don't want to do it with our guest. It's going to be great. All right, here it is.

Sorry. So we eat in Quincy oven fries. I put the oven at 450. These are the oven fries aren't crispy enough. Ma, the fries, the oven fries. Oven fries isn't going to stick. Oven fries has legs. No, it doesn't have legs.

A little Johnny Pemberton in there. Hi, Johnny. A little Johnny Pemberton, a little bit of Johnny Pemberton in there. High artist formerly known as Spoon, first time dropper. That's not true anymore. Yeah, supposed to you're now back to being the Spoon man. First time dropper. Long time listener.

I actually competed against dropper. Sounds like you just took his first shit. Wow, took a long time. I actually competed against you in the Weigar challenge on the Seattle live show back in 2017. Wow. I'm so excited to see you live tonight in my brand new hometown of Boston. Holy shit. So he sent me this the day of the show.

So I didn't play it. Blah, blah, blah. My fiance and I just moved here two weeks ago to honor the occasion I put together this drop silver in classic Quincy dish. I kept it very short. Taylor Spoon Nation for Life at Yo, oh God, I don't know how to say that. Yo Sarian jumps. Oh, yeah.

Yo Sarian jumps. You know him? Yeah. Well, Yo Sarian is a character from a Kurt Vonnegut novel. Oh, OK. Yeah. It's it's a haven't read it yet. It's a book.

Can't even more reductive. No. Words. Mitch, our guest today is the host of the podcast. County Bang Bang and Freedom. He also co-wrote and directed Between Two Ferns the Movie, which is now streaming on Netflix. Scott Ockerman is back.

Hi, Scott. Hi, guys. Thank you for being here. So happy that I begged you guys to have me on. So I appreciate you in time for the movie. It's our honor. So I thank you for acquiescing to that request and really appreciate it. Is there is there such thing as do you think there's ever a possibility?

I don't know. This has ever happened in show business that less people will watch the movie from you being on the show. Though contact Netflix. Excuse me. May I make a deletion from my account? I think it's out tomorrow because you said this comes out on Thursday, right? So it's September 20th.

So at midnight tonight, in other words. So yes. And thank you so much for having me on. I wish you weren't so embarrassed playing those drops. I enjoyed it. It's a lot of fun. I remember Taylor. I remember that guy.

Yeah. He was on stage with us. They're very stupid. I just don't want to waste your time. Not a waste at all. I'm here as long as you need me. I thought it was a hoot. I like that one.

Really? Yeah. I don't know. I agree. I mean, like things to you that are hoots are, it's pretty easy bar to pass in many ways. We were driving here and we drove by. There's a big, so our route took us on the 101 freeway.

Yes. 101. Yeah. 101 freeway. And there's a, and on the 101, there's a giant minion above Universal Studios Hollywood. I thought the minions were that size. You thought it was a giant one?

From what I know of the minions franchise, I'm watching those minion movies. I always assumed they were that big. So you thought this was some sort of gigantic, scaled up alternate earth? Yes, of course. Where like grew is like the height of a football field. Exactly.

Okay, got it. I assumed, I don't think it's an alternate earth. I think it's up in the clouds on our earth. Oh, got it. So they're kind of like in the Jetsons land. That's like kind of where the minion story takes place. We're jacking the beanstalk took place. Oh, got it.

Mitch, is that your big movie role? You know what? I know what your movie role is. I know what your movie role is. I know what your movie role is. I know what your movie role is. You can't keep doing this. I know you can't keep doing this anymore.

I'm so. The giant? Yeah, I was saying you were the giant. That's not bad. Yeah. You're a large man. I'm just realizing they made a jack in the beanstalk movie. They did.

That just popped in my head. And there was like a war between the giant. It's like so complicated. Did Brian Singer direct it? It's a Brian Singer joint. Who did he fuck? Jack? He must have fucked Jack.

He fucked Jack. Or jacked it to fuck. So, yeah, you saw this big minion thing. I pass it all the time. Yeah. I used to live right by there. Yeah. So, and Mitch was like.

And Mitch was. I used to live in the Harry Potter castle. I was going to say the Harry Potter castle, but I put Potter and Castle together. I used to live with Harry Potter. Do you know him? Yeah. The public domain rip off of Harry Potter.

There actually was a rip off of Harry Potter that was so egregious that it got like stopped by Cordoire. Barry Hatter and the Sorcerer's broomstick. And it was a it was they made it as a they made a video game. And it was just like it was such a like a transparent like one to one just find and replace thing. But anyway, was it like a joke though? Is it?

No, it was like it was just they were trying to cap. It was like trans morphers. It was like one of those direct to video movies, but in video game form. Am I on how did this get played? Oh, we don't we don't mention that podcast here. Oh, really? It's a source subject.

Oh, okay. He makes it out to be a source subject. But the only source subject is that we were offered to go on Good Morning America and Nick canceled because I believe we talked about this on my previous episode. He's still bringing this up because he wanted to play a video game. Because he makes a whole a whole podcast about it. Yes.

You should just make a podcast about cancelling on Good Morning America. Oh, man, I want to have you back. This is insane to me. I don't like you were just like, hey, I can't make it that day. Goodbye forever. Click. I thought it was reasonable. We don't need to rehash this.

I apologize to you. I have changed your stance. It wasn't reasonable. Everyone agreed. It was the first time I think you song wasn't on your side. We don't need to rehash this. You song got scared once we've settled this. I want to do like a Judge John Hodgman type podcast

where I just have you guys on every week and settle your problems. Nick, you're in the wrong. When we did the solid sound festival with our buddy Hodgman, who was just with us with our Boston shows, which will be coming out in the near future. One of our Boston shows and a lovely man. We spent some time with them. Just the greatest.

Just a great new book coming out. As he does have a new book coming out. He's so good. Yeah, he's a very talented guy. You guys went to the Delta Lounge, right? We went to the Delta Lounge. I was bummed that I couldn't go to that because I frequent the Delta Lounge.

Whoa. So yeah, that's my lounge. It was. Oh, it's a great lounge. It's a good. It's a quality lounge. Who did we see in there? We saw common rapper.

Oh, it was a common. Yes, that's actually pretty common. Yeah, wasn't there a bang bang joke as common as awards won by the rapper common? I feel like there is stuck in my head on one of the episodes. So you saw minion. We saw him in. Yes, we saw a minion and I was just like,

well, why is the minion big? I asked why you're and then I didn't know that it would be like a 30 minute conversation of just himself talking till we got to my house. Explaining the bigness of the one minion and how the actual meaning that gets big in the movie is Kevin. Yes, I don't think it's Kevin. It could be.

I haven't inspected him closely, but I don't think that minion is Kevin. What part of his body are you going to inspect? He's got some distinguishing characteristics in that he's a longer. He's a longer minion is form factor. He's more ovular. Yes, he's more.

Yeah, he's more of an oval. And then he's got. He's got two eyes. You know, like a lot of some of them have one one. Yeah. Yeah. But we have three. There's no three eyed minions.

Yeah, that would be gross. But they are kind of some people have. Tryptophobia would just start to trigger in everyone's. They do kind of like some people have claimed that the minions are perhaps is something of a ripoff of the Pixar aliens from Toy Story. That's what I always thought. Yeah.

And they're kind of a horde and they have three eyes. So they may be deliberately trying to avoid have three eyes. Otherwise they would be crossing over. That's probably. Yeah. Into Barry powder and the Sorcerer's broomstick territory. Susan powder. To think there could have been a Barry Hatter's ride at

Universal right right near the minion instead of Harry. The Harry Potter ride, which I can't ride because I'm too big. Oh, really? It's the worst ride. Really? You're not missing anything. Yeah. The one where it's this is the ride now.

Yeah, it's it's really unpleasant. Everyone in our party. We basically had to just hang out in Harry Potter world for an hour afterwards, like kind of lying down on benches. Oh, Jesus. And they they made it after the first few weeks. It was making everyone who wrote it sick. So they had to tone it down even.

But it still makes everyone I know sick. Like motion sick. Yeah, it's motion sickness because you get motion sickness because your inner ear is moving around. But your eyes are or vice versa. This is what happens on the Harry Potter ride. Your eyes think you're moving around, but your inner ear doesn't match what your eyes are seeing.

So that's why you get car sick when you're reading. Yes. Because you're reading something stationary, but your inner ear is moving quickly. So the the way to really get rid of car sickness is to stare at the road and see where you're going. Right. You have it match up.

But so any of those motion rides, like I got really sick on the Star Wars Galaxy's Edge. Same reason is just because like you're just kind of jerking around, but your eyes think you're moving, you know, throughout space and right and sometimes time. The fourth dimension. Yeah, yeah. Sure, we held that.

I got motion sickness reading one time, so I swore off reading. Oh, okay. Not reading while driving. Just the whole experience. Yeah, I'm done with it. I got motion sick on that party bus as we were heading to Vegas. Which almost is that's, I mean.

But I couldn't get it. Were there strippers on it? There were no strippers, but it was the sort of thing where it was like the windows were like tinted and like I couldn't get a, I was like facing sideways. I didn't have a good look at the road. And so I got very, very nauseous. It was a bachelor party, a bachelor party bus to Vegas.

Yeah. And weigher within like five minutes was like, I feel sick. And I got motion sick immediately and had a miserable ride. Please take me home. And then it got stopped in the middle of the desert. Oh, that's right. We spent some time together. Yeah.

We were at the side of the, we were standing at the side of the road and then we were in a gas station for a while. Why? Well, the party, the party bus broke down. Yeah. I had a car broke down. There's one stretch of road going into Vegas that I guess, I turned into a place and just gave them my car.

They're like, look, it's going to cost way too much for us to fix this car. Do you want to just give it to us? And I was like, yeah, okay. I was like, yeah, fine. But then they started telling me like, yeah, everyone breaks down here and pulls in here. Wow.

It's just a very steep incline there that kills all these cars. I think maybe that was what it was. Yeah. But then we had to wait. Like it was a sort of thing where it was so remote and I don't know what we couldn't get an Uber or whatever or like that. I guess we didn't get any reception.

In the middle of the desert? In the middle of the desert, we couldn't get one. And so we actually had to, like the driver had to call somebody and then Highway Patrol had to come and rescue us. I rode in a Highway Patrol car to a gas station and he went like 100 miles per hour. The guy would do it very fast. Did he turn on the lights?

No, he didn't turn on the lights. He just was flying. Yeah. And then we said thank you and they gave us nothing. Yeah. Really? Yeah. What do you mean they gave you nothing?

They weren't like, they weren't like... What are they supposed to do? You're the one thanking them. They could have been like... Thank you for your thank you. They could have been like just do it. Even just doing our job. You know what I mean?

Just something like some acknowledgement that they were just like... Well, at least they didn't beat the shit out of you, Mr. White Privilege. I didn't get a thank you for my return from a cop. Also moments before... When he gave me a ride instead of fucking murdering me. I want a cop to say you're welcome when I say thank you, sir.

Jesus. On a moment before that, you asked to suck on the shaft of his gun. Do you remember? Do you mind, sir, if I suck on the shaft of your... How about just the night stick? Can I negotiate you down to that? Jesus. So, Scott, we were both touring recently

and I wanted to ask because my food habits got terrible, not just because of the format of this podcast, but also because travel just means like, you know, you're on a train and you're getting whatever they have available in the snack car because it's going to be early meal. Oh, you take trains. Yeah, we take trains. We planes and trains.

We mix it up. And the occasional automobile. We're taking some trains. But yeah, the food is really tough to get anything that is going to keep you healthy. Right. So I basically, the week before we went on tour, I was in a great groove.

I actually like ran five days that week and one day it was like five miles. And I was like, I'm really getting into the groove here after working on this movie and basically not exercising for a year and a half or whatever. I was, for the past month, I've been really into it. Went on tour. It just all goes away. Yeah. You know, every single meal is just bad restaurant.

I mean, that's the other thing is like we get spoiled in LA where I can pop over to someplace and get something healthy really easily. But on the road, you're just stuck. And then we can't even eat until after the show because for some reason it just weighs you down. Yes, right. And our shows would end at 9.30, maybe 10 or something and nothing's open in these towns. Right.

That's rough. Yeah. We've had the first day because we were in D.C. then we went to Philly, then we went to New York, then we went to Boston. Our first day in D.C. Mitch, I did yoga and I was so like, like, ah, this is great. I'm the only man to ever exercise on the road. Yeah. I'm going to work out every day.

We're going to be great. And then that was it. There was no other exercise. It's so tiring. It's so exhausting. And I get kind of vertigo from traveling in planes a little bit. So. Oh, sure.

Yeah. It just, all you can do is, and I found I can't even return emails. That's how lazy you get on the road. Yeah. It's like, I'm on the road. I can't type. That was what's so crazy to me. Just even the first day before we had any shows.

I mean, why are you, even before the first show, you didn't sleep? No, I didn't sleep the first night. Yeah. So you were awake the entire. Yeah. So I went like I got into bed next to you song who's right here. He was, he was staring at the ceiling. All right.

Let's not get me me too. We had separate beds. We had, we're in the same room. I didn't mean in the same bed. Okay. You jerked off into a plan. You song, look at me. I'm going to jack under this beanstalk.

Do you want to give me a massage? How do you feel about that? I love that's like, I've never, I've, I've never asked a woman. I've been, I've never asked my wife of 11 years tomorrow. Wow. To give me a massage. And that's Weinstein's opening gambit. He just starts with it.

Just go straight to it. Hey, do you mind giving me a massage? Yes, I fucking mind. What I'm amazed by is that how many, like, like, because Charlie Rose and then other people have tried the, uh, getting out of the shower with a female assistant nearby or the, the female under, and it's just like, I just, I can't, I cannot fathom being like, I'm going to step out. I'm going to step out of the shower and then just expose my naked body.

And tempt someone? I'd be so, yeah. I'd be so embarrassed. I can understand getting out of the shower and being incredibly embarrassed. But to tempt someone. Oh my God. Very strange. You sung, you've come to the house as I've gotten out of the shower before.

This is true. Yeah. But you, like, you don't want me to see you. Oh no, of course not. Yeah. I don't want me to see me. We have an assistant who like, I was, I was coming out of the shower the other day. And suddenly I hear Scott.

And because I didn't have music on or anything, and it was, you know, 11 a.m., which is, I guess, too late to take a shower in North America, like legally, our assistant was coming back from the cleaners and about to like hang up clothes. Right. And thankfully I made a noise or something where she didn't realize that no one was in the bedroom. And she's like, can I come in? I'm like, no. But this is what Charlie Rose thinks is the way to get to land women.

That was like his opening move. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. It's so bold. I, I, I don't get it. I don't want anyone around. Get out of there.

No. When I'm having sex. Yeah. That's me and me alone. Yeah. So we were, so yeah. So you were next to you song. We were next to you song.

Yeah. I couldn't sleep at all. And then so I was very, I was physically exhausted. Guests told me after the fact that they were worried about you. This is true. Yeah. It was not, I was not doing great. We were, we were walking to Ben's chili bowl and he, uh, at one point just leaned over and,

and rested on his knees as we were walking. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. It was not doing great. I mean, that's exceptionally unwell. Yeah. I powered through it.

But yeah, I mean, like I just, I have, I have a lot of sleep problems to begin with. And then I heard on the last one about your night terrors. I do have night terrors. That's an issue. Oh, you heard my night terrors. I heard some of your night terrors in the, in DC. I heard some of them because you were in a adjacent room or you all were. I went upstairs to jerk off into a plant near you song.

Oh, okay. And, uh, and Nick was, I was in, I was getting out of the shower. Okay. I know everything I need to know about this situation at this point. Nick, it was actually the first night we were there. You song, you were not there yet. Um, uh, the house was empty. I was afraid it was, uh, haunted in some way.

It was. Okay. So you're, you have a wake terrors yet, and so I, I was doing laundry because I had to scare away the ghosts to scar for those of you who are afraid of ghosts. One of the big things you can do is do a lot. A load of laundry. They they get very right. It doesn't.

The sound is very soothing. It fills up the house. It makes you feel not alone. I understand it. Ghosts being sheets. If you do laundry, they're afraid of laundry shows power over them right. They don't want to get small. They don't want to get small.

Small. They don't want to shrink. Yeah. They don't want to be put in with the reds. Suddenly the pink ghost. And, uh, I was, I was putting the, from the, the, the washing machine into the dryer and I heard upstairs. I heard you did, you did to a consecutive.

It was like, huh, like that. It was very strange. Oh, I thought you were telling a ghost story, but it's just Nick. It was just, yes. It was just, it was just Nick. No, that was just shaking my sleep. Possibly because I was being disturbed by a ghosty, but we don't know for sure. Oh yeah.

That could be it. Maybe you don't have night terrors. You're just haunted. Could be. My ghosts continually. You seem like a guy who should get sleep paralysis. Have you had it? Yeah.

I get sleep paralysis all the time. Oh, all right. I heard Cheryl Crowe gets that. Oh, how about that? Yeah. Boy, all she doesn't want to do. Is move? Maybe your ghost bait.

Could be. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I think I have maybe the demeanor of someone who's hauntable. Yeah, deserves. Sure. Yeah, terror in his life. Right.

Because of my crimes. Yeah. Like many secret crimes. Maybe there is a ghost that you, I mean, who knows. You very well could have murdered someone before we knew you or even while we knew you. Right. And maybe you're being haunted by that ghost. I actually want to say unfinished business.

Probably while we knew him. Yeah, while we knew him. Yeah, I was thinking that. How surprised would you be? Like, you know how like sometimes it's like, because we've known people and they we've either been acquaintances with somebody or just known who they were. And then it's something. And then a crime comes out.

A crime comes out or something. And sometimes you're like, oh my God. Another time. So you're like, yeah, I got it. Like as I was weird. Yeah, yeah. We were all broken up when it happened to OJ. Oh, or Enthal.

We had no idea. Nordberg seemed like such a good guy. Hey, Twitter world. But how surprised, like realistically, how surprised would you be? Yeah, if I like, I had been like, like, oh, Weiger committed crimes. You know, I, I'd worked with you for a while. Yeah. And I don't think I knew you were married.

So I think I would be like, I was surprised by that. Oh, sure. Right. And so at this point, I think it would be like, yeah, I didn't even know he's married. Yeah, that makes sense. He just kept it close to the vest. I mean, we're a wedding ring. It's not a class ring.

I'm not looking at your fingers. You weirdo. You want me to gaze longingly at your hands? Thinking of what you'll do to my loins. I do a better job of flashing my bling. I think that you, um, I don't like you asking this question because it feels like a test almost in itself. Oh, I got it.

That probably makes you the most dangerous game. Like, yeah, this is some sort of intricate puzzle that you're putting us through. Seeing how close you can get. It's like rope essentially. Professor, could we plan the perfect murder? They already have. You're a little jigsaw-like. Yeah, sure.

I don't know. I think I'd be, I mean, I think that I would, I think that the consensus would be, oh, like, yeah, okay, that guy's weird. I think that's what people would think of like, like they like, oh, he's nice, but like, he's also a little weird. I can imagine you doing a jigsaw type of thing where suddenly someone wakes up after being knocked out in their chain to something and then you appear and you're like, welcome to my test.

The year was 1955. Handcuffs were invented by a man named Handy C. Uff. What do you, what do you, like, get to a hotel room? If Mark Marin were to be a killer and do something like that, do a jigsaw thing, do you think people would skip ahead 15 minutes? Oh, God, he's gonna make you listen to him play guitar? Just rip open my stomach and take the key. All right, now you slam me.

Come on, what would people do if I were doing it? No, but we, okay, so you're in a hotel room, do you, like, because we're spending a lot of time in hotels, you've got different lodging situations that you have at home, obviously. What do you do for, are you someone who binges, who eats in a hotel room? Do you get some snacks there to get room service? There's nothing I like more than getting a nice hotel hamburger. Or cheeseburger. For some reason, I'm, that's the one thing I go to on the room service menu of like,

I want to taste this place's that, and they all have interesting, they all have different things about them, you know, they all have a different sauce or different ways prepared, and that's really fascinating to me. But on this trip, we, I personally never had room service. Paul F. Tompkins likes to order breakfast. He likes to eat breakfast alone. He does not like anyone around him when he eats breakfast. I get that.

So he likes to always- He just said breakfast, not every meal. No, breakfast. He likes to put the thing on the, on the door, which actually came up this trip because in, where were we, where were we, where were we, was it St Paul? No, yeah, it was St. Paul in St. Paul, right? Is that what, yeah, St. Paul, he put the thing out and they never picked it up. And then he slept through breakfast and basically slept through our lobby call,

you know, to where the point where I was like, is everything all right with Paul? And we all had to like go leave for the airport without him. Oh my goodness. And then he finally woke up. But, but I never got, I never got room service on this, on this particular leg. I would always try to either, as we were, we would time it out so, so we would arrive around lunchtime into whatever town we were going to, and then do a little research beforehand and try to find a good lunch place.

Yes. And then not eat until after the show, which then is super dicey. Yeah, that's, you picked up your drink like you were about to drink it. And then I ended abruptly. And now I feel bad that you didn't get to take a sip. No, it's fine. I'll get to take a sip in a second. Go ahead, take a sip.

No, go ahead. I'll think of more to jazz this up. No, you don't need to. No, take a sip. Take a sip into the mic. Okay, hold on. Oh, that's how you drink? That works as a straw.

I saw that Black Mirror episode with a guy going, after he drank, have you seen that one? No. It made me laugh. It's a really good episode. Is that real? It's a, is it like a weird choice that he makes us do the ah? I don't want to spoil too much about it, but it's a, it's a really good episode.

It's one of the better episodes. It's about a two people who are in a dystopian society that no one dates except by an app that chooses people for you and tells you how long you're going to date. So that it takes in data to pick you like someone that you actually like. So it like tests you out in certain situations. Like, you're going to date this person for a year. And, and one of the people gets stuck with a guy who on the very first night after they have sex, like takes a drink of water and goes,

and it bugs her the first time and then does it for a year. And it's just like, even after her saying, do you have to do that? And he just doesn't continuously make me laugh. Wow. That's great. Yeah. We got a lot, we, I haven't watched anything. It's been a whirlwind, Weiger.

You would, Nick almost missed the train in New York City. Really? New York City. Just like I pictured it. Take another step. You almost missed the train? Why? We covered this.

She was looking at the statue? Yeah. Trying to see a brother in the dress. What if it was anatomically correct under there? It's like the fucking French man. But no one knew about it. Just like this, the government. And that's where people like hit out.

Yeah. Get arrested because you want to sneak under and get a glimpse of her of a giant fucking vulva. Sorry. I didn't mean to bring it back up again. It's fine. Yeah. I almost, I nearly missed the train.

But I got it, I boarded all aboard, they said. And I was there and there. You took heed. And then I got myself a little, I was to tie it back to food. I got myself a little hummus and pretzel snack. How's that? It was deeply untied. How's train hummus?

Yeah. It was very bad. I was very upset. Oh, and this is the- Can I just say bad choice? It was a bad choice. I had a train bagel. Trying to get something with some dietary fiber.

I was eating nothing but carbs and fats. Does hummus have fiber? Yeah. It's made from beans. It's got a little bit of fiber. I'm sure it's made from beans, but don't- Hold on. Doesn't blending anything get rid of the fiber aspect?

I don't think entirely. Juicing gets rid of all the fiber that's in fruits, which makes- Yes. Eating fruits, the fiber is, it kind of cancels out how fat you get from it. So you're looking up right now. I'm looking up right now. Whether- Okay, hold on.

Hummus has fiber. It has fiber. This show, hold on. We're looking up if hummus has fiber. He looks up a lot of facts during the show. This might be from Big Hummus. So I'm going to go to a more less biased source. Sure.

What is Big Hummus saying? Dietary fiber, this looks like a more neutral source. Dietary fiber. Was Big Hummus- Was there another one that said like zero calories or something insane? The most healthy food. It's top eight health benefits of hummus. So I don't think this is a particularly neutral source.

This one that looks a little bit more neutral says that a tablespoon of hummus has one gram of dietary fiber, which is 3%. So I think if you're eating a little, like a half cup. If you ate 66 of those, do you get 100% of your fiber? Yeah. Okay. That's usually how I consume hummus. I have 66 tablespoons consecutively.

I will also say that I saw him go up to the snack counter and said, can I get some train hummus? And they said, we have hummus. And he said, I want train hummus. Yeah. I specifically train hummus. Don't give me the good stuff. Also, can I have my own conductor hat?

Allow me to drive this baby too. What do you say? Man, I was already saying choo-choo as we were going. Yeah, of course. There was a moment, which you know that this is Nick, but we were driving by Mystic Connecticut. And a... Home of Mystic Pizza.

Home of Mystic Pizza. Oh, okay. Yeah. And it was like a beautiful dockside, picturesque view of the water and the houses on the water. And Nick was looking at it and he closed his curtain shot. Too much glare on the iPhone. What are your favorite food cities to visit

as someone who's seen a lot of the country and a lot of some of the world? This place, New York. It's so good. No, you know, I had some really good Kansas City barbecue the last time I was there. And then this time when we got there, we were pretty much confined to places that were by our hotels.

But I did find a place that had supposedly well-rated barbecue and I tried to get everyone to go and the only person that would go with me was Ego. So Ego and I went and had lunch and I was expecting more of a sit-down place. Yeah. It was a order at the counter. Got it.

You know, kind of place. But it was still pretty good. I loved going to Franklin barbecue in Austin, but it's so much of an ordeal. And that's, but that's a pretty good food city. They have really good Mexican food there. This is just another one of the examples of why your show is better than what we do is that we have to go into these cities

and then eat at two restaurants that we don't necessarily want to. Because you have to do, yeah, yeah, right. We were in New York City with this amazing food city and we had to get White Castle. White Castle was our first meal. It was the first meal we had this way. I was so fascinated with White Castle because of the Beastie Boys records.

And, you know, they would always be talking about White Castle and taking a trip out to White Castle. I guess they were rapping about it more than talking about it. I mean, what is what is rapping other than talking with Ryan? It's like great poetry in the cadence of the immortal bard. Yes. But so the, and I knew that they weren't west of what? The Mississippi or something, but there aren't really any,

or maybe they've grown. You would know this more than that. They really are not here. Why is the Mississippi such a demarcation point for? It's the Mississippi and the Rockies. Yeah, the Rocky, you know, certain things don't go east of the, or west of the Rockies. Same thing with the Mississippi.

It seems just now when Helmens was like, look at these Rockies, this is too hard. Turn around, boys. I'll start my own mayonnaise. It's called best foods. But I was so much like, oh man, I got to have White Castle at some point. I got to have White Castle.

So then I moved to Milwaukee when I was 23. And then worked in Indiana. And the hotel that they were putting me up, I was doing a play in Indiana, two plays, and they put us all up at a hotel, and it was right next to a White Castle. And so the very first night I got to Indiana, I saw that we were next to a White Castle.

And I said to someone in the play who was from that area, I was like, let's go to White Castle. I've always wanted to go to White Castle. And they kind of looked at me like, okay. And it was so, it was, it's not very good. Can I ask you what the plays were? Yeah, I did a Christmas review with called Christmas Dreaming or something like that.

And then I also did Aladdin where I was the genie. Wow. But it was 93 when the movie Aladdin had come out. So it wasn't that version though? It was the Robin Williams one. It wasn't the Robin Williams one. It was a just a, you know. You got to be a serious genie basically?

No, no, no. I was the comedic relief genie. And I remember I would always, there was a part in it where I think I pick up, it wasn't, couldn't be the princess because Aladdin ends up with the princess, but I pick up one of the characters at the end and carry her off stage.

And it was meant to imply that we were getting together. The genie and her were getting together. And I would always- Maybe the parrot, the Gilbert Gottfried character. Yeah. And I would always say a different song lyric to the girl as I took her off stage. And I remember I said, I used the Styx Paradise Theater one.

I was like, tonight's the night. We'll make history, honey, you and I. And got a lot of complaints from the parents because apparently like I was implying that I was going to have sex with this woman. Oh yeah, that's not, you can't do that. So that one was for kids. And then the one for adults was the sort of Christmas review.

When I say a review is like a bunch of Christmas songs that the writer wrote a play around, you know, with characters and stuff. When you say a Christmas review for adults, it's making me think of the Bill and Ted thing they used to have at Universal. Do you remember that? Yeah, yeah.

The Bill and Ted annual. Yeah, we did parodies of that. Of course, yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah. It was more about, and I've done a few of these in my career. I did a Rodgers and Hammerstein one up in Sonora, California where they just took a bunch of random Rodgers and Hammerstein songs, put them in an order and then had a writer write

something that would make all of those make sense in that order, you know what I mean? Which led to some like weird plot points in some of these things. But it was a lot like that. It's like a jukebox musical, but with standards kind of. Exactly, yeah. So, yeah, but I was doing that while trying to kind of

save my relationship in Milwaukee. The reason why I moved out there is to live with my girlfriend who invited me out and I took a three day train ride to get there and I got there on Halloween, the night of Halloween in November one. She told me she wanted me to move out. Oh my God. And so then I had to take this job in Indiana to make money.

Because all I had was the money to get there. Right. And so I had to take this job in Indiana. So I was working in Indiana and then would like kind of try to commute to Milwaukee, which is like a two hour and 15 minute train ride to try to win her back, which didn't end up working. Speaking of cats though, I will say she was like, one day she goes, I think I'm thinking of getting a cat.

And I was like, oh, I am so allergic to cats, please don't. And she got one the very next day. I was like, okay, this is over. Weigar, you're still gonna have to, you're still gonna find that version of Aladdin where Yago and the genie get together at the end. Oh man. I would love it.

I've had two people who played a Yago on my podcast. Oh yeah? Gilbert Gottfried and Alan Tudyk, both on the show. Wow. I want to get everyone who ever played it on Broadway as well. Is Tudyk in the new Aladdin? He's the new one. Yeah, but I think.

He's the new Yago. But Yago is not really a character in that new one from what I understand. He's just like squawking. He still gets sucked into the lamp at the end. Oh really? Yeah, which if you want to, I mean, Jafar and Yago are in the lamp at the end for thousands of years, so I'm sure something

happens in that regard, Nick. Jafar, good. Is that a joke? I think so, yeah. I can't tell. No, I think it's a joke. Okay, I feel for it. I mean, I'm the authority.

On this podcast? Yeah. Okay, count. Honestly, it was too good of a joke. Count it. Put it on the scoreboard. Gilbert Gottfried, great in that, in the Yago. The new one doesn't tell.

He just squawks around. He just squawks around. And you can see the piece about the autistic kid who learned how to sort of communicate with his parents via Yago. Oh no. It's an interesting story. This parent, this dad and mom, presumably, because it's, you know, Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, they, they had an

autistic child who wouldn't talk to them. And then, but who was obsessed with Disney films and would recite these Disney films as he was watching them and they couldn't get him to talk to them. And then one day the dad saw that, you know, was looking around at the toys as he was putting the kid to bed and found this Yago parrot, a puppet or toy, maybe it wasn't a puppet, and started speaking in Yago's, in Gilbert Gottfried's voice

to his kid saying, hey, so what do you think about the movie? Or how are you feeling right now? And the kid answered like immediately because he felt like he was friends with Yago or something after having watched it. And so he learned how to talk to his kid, just communicating with this Yago toy. And it like opened up a whole world for them and a way to communicate.

And then there's a really great video of this where Gilbert Gottfried comes up and meets the kid. Wow. Yeah, it's very cool. I'm still trying to find a way. So I'm going to see in it, he's nodding vehemently. That's, that rules. I'm still trying to find a way.

Yes. The rules that you said, I was going to say, I'm still trying to find a way to communicate with Nick. Like I got, what do you have lying around? Do you have these Pixar paper towels here? You could try like, you know, doing the voice of Wario for Mario Kart. I'm going to go in.

Nick starts flabbing to me. What does Wario sound like and what does Luigi sound like? Try to do both of them. Luigi's kind of without sounding racist. Luigi kind of is like a, is like a, oh, no. He's scared all the time. That was pretty good. He has Luigi's mansion, right?

Yeah, he's a little, he's a little beta guy. Which is, which is later. It's, he's a cuck. He's a fucking beta cuck. Oh no, he didn't win. Wario, he doesn't count out of this PC cold. No, yeah, no. No, Wario's edgy.

Wario's kind of like. He's an edgelord. I am a Wario. He's like kind of that sort of. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I am a Wario. Trump's are going to win. Oh no.

Oh no. But her emails. The popular polls abolish the electoral college. Ah, he won more counties nationwide. I would play a video game that had those people saying those things the entire time. Just like, okay, Nintendo, weird choice. Yeah, let's do it.

This is a commentary on our political discourse. Nick and I play the video games of Luigi being afraid of his haunted house still Luigi's. Yeah, Luigi's Mansion 3 coming out soon. Why do they give him such a coward? I'd be afraid of the haunted house. You obviously will. I am very afraid of the haunted house.

Why is he got to talk like that? My entire life. I'm a yellow bellied coward. It's also particularly weird that he grew. He became the haunted. Why did he become the haunted house guy? Was his voice first or was the haunted house first? I think him being like kind of a coward slash, you know, was first.

And then Luigi's Mansion came out as a way to do a solo game based around Luigi. Like, okay, this guy's a fucking coward. What could a game? What kind of game could a coward start? Interesting. I like it. Yeah, I mean, because they did, they tried to do Mario is missing with just Luigi earlier and that one didn't really work.

But it was also that was kind of edutainment. Luigi's Mansion was purely for fun. So if Wario's pro-trump and Luigi's a cuck, what is, what is why Luigi is my question to you? He's on the part of the Yang gang. He's a Bernie. He's a Bernie. Actually, Bernie is doing really well in the polls. And Mario is a never Trump Republican.

Yeah, yes, exactly. He just wants to fight a princess and enjoy his white privilege. Always sharing David Brooks columns. And Princess Peach supports Elizabeth Warren. Thank you very much. Wow, Princess Peach. Thank you. Thank you.

And Toad, Toad doesn't vote. Toad doesn't make it out to the polls. No, he's not registered. Yeah. Toad's an Andrew Yang guy. So he said, while Luigi is on the part of the Yang gang. No, I'm sorry. No, he became a Bernie bro.

Oh, he became a Bernie bro. Oh, yeah. Okay. Jesus. I'm sorry. I forgot what direction we went. I'm sorry, but I interrupted you when you said Yang gang because I didn't know what it was. That's okay.

I couldn't remember Yang's first name. Do you know who King Koopa is? A liberal. A rotten liberal. Yeah, one of the libtards. You went with King Koopa there instead of Bowser. Oh, yeah, Bowser. Sorry.

That's okay. It's kind of like throwing it back. I'm going to get screamed at later over this mistake. Is King Koopa part of the Mario verse? Yeah, he is. It's like it's kind of, he used to be, he's Bowser King Koopa. That's kind of his title versus his informal name. It's the same thing with Peach.

She was Princess Toadstool and then she's Peach and then now she's kind of Princess Peach is what she's called. Answers to all these names. Princess Peach Toadstool? She was Princess Toadstool. She was Princess Toadstool originally. I think now she's just kind of called Princess Peach. I don't know if Toadstool is canonically her last name. Hmm, interesting.

Look, there's no... So tie it back to the minions. The minion, the illumination is making the new Mario movie. Very exciting. Oh, they are? Yeah. That's cool. Nick is, you're semi-excited about it, right?

I hope they do a good job. I feel confident that they will and that Mario ride is going to be pretty... What Mario ride? They're doing a Mario ride at the Universal. They're doing a whole Nintendo ride. They're doing a Nintendo ride. Oh, wow. You know, when I was in Tokyo, they have, and maybe you've seen this, Nick, I'm sure you have,

you can drive scooters around and dresses Mario. Yeah. Yeah. I think they are truly knocking down studios to build Nintendo Land at Universal. Isn't that right? Really? I don't know.

Oh, they're knocking down stages? Stages, they should. Yeah, I think they're knocking down. They're so expensive. We filmed, by the way, to bring it back to between two firsts of the movie. We filmed a scene there. Wow. So Universal fans, we filmed one scene at Universal Studios.

So, hey, there you go. See if you can name what it is. See if you can guess what it is. Is it the Cycle House? Yeah, we filmed at the Cycle. Norman Bates is there, kills Zack in the shower. We'll be right back with more Doe Boys. Welcome back to Doe Boys.

We're here with Scott Ackerman discussing your former workplace, Marie Calendars. That's right. I worked at Marie Calendars starting in September of 1988. The Marie Calendars in Whittier, California on the Serna Boulevard, which you asked me to, if we wanted to do Marie Calendars after I asked you if I could be on the show. I found out last week that it just closed down. That location closed. That location just closed last week.

That just last week. Yeah. There was a Burbank one that we were trying to do tonight. Do you know the Burbank one when you're coming up past? We're right near Warner Brothers, kind of. And that, too, is closed. The one by my old place in Toluca Lake also closed. The one on Whittier closed.

That's the one that I thought we were going to go to. I was like, oh, we'll just go to Whittier because it's a really nice one closed. I think Marie Calendars is having some tough times right now. It's down to 28 locations and it used to have more. 28. Yeah. And it was opened. The first location opened in Orange County where you're from, Scott.

The City of Orange in 1964. And it was founded by Don Calendar, who is Marie's son. City of Orange, you say? Yeah. It sounds delicious to me. The city part? Or the orange part? Oh, sorry, the orange part.

Oh, okay, got it. You a citrus guy, Mitch? I like citrus. You think I don't like citrus? No, I don't. I just got you. You seem more like a vitamin C tablet. What kind of guy?

Yes, I like to get... I like citrus. I like orange. What's your favorite? Is orange your favorite? You like orange? That sounds like I was lying when I said I like orange. I like oranges and I like...

I'm a big lime. I'm a big lime. Oh, yeah, I like orange. Oh, you're a lime head. I'm a lime head. But you won't eat a lime just alone, will you? I'll prove you wrong right now. Okay.

Starts tugging at his collar, jumps out the window. Into a lime bush. And picks it, eats it right in front of me. Oh, there you go. You're dressed like a lime right now. You got a green shirt. I look like a lime that would be too big at the grocery store. I'd like sort of feel you and go, I don't know,

I'm going to put that one back. I love some lime squeezing in my drink. I'm a big lime fan. That's a lot of fun. Into my pho? Yeah, pho, yeah. See, I told you that's the bar of some lime in my pho. I like the flavor of lime.

I don't like our official lime. I don't like when it's like a kind of that fake powdery lime that you'll get in some. Yeah, that's no good. I want a real lime, I mean, actual lime wedge, but it does, it will liven up some. And you know what they'll do first thing in the morning, I'll have a little some water with lemon in it.

Really, you'll put, we're talking about limes though. I don't know why you brought up lemon. I think it's a Jason, it's a lemon hyphen lime, it's often used together. I like a nice salad with lime occasionally, like the sweet green Thai salad with, that has a nice lime squeeze in it. You know what else had a lime?

The tortilla chips we got today with our appetizer. There's a little lime wedge there. A little lime wedge there, yeah. And I wasn't quite sure what you were supposed to do with that lime, I guess squeeze it over the chips. We should, I'd never tried it, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I've encountered that before in places where you'll get that with some salsa,

and I think the move is to squeeze them over the chips. Yeah, but you threw it at our server. Yeah, so strange, you said, get this fucking lime away from me. Because it was a wedge, it shaped like a boomerang, it flew right back at me. Yeah, you jumped it right in the nose. Yeah, Scott, when you worked there,

and you told us this story before, but I think it's been long enough where you can rehash it. You were terminated in a... It was terminated, it was my first restaurant job, my friend Frank Martinez got me the job, it was 35 minutes away from my house. Wow. Longer on Sunday mornings,

if I got stuck at the train tracks, which somehow had a train going through, and then going back, and then forward a little bit, then back a little bit, then forward for 20 minutes. Wow. It sounds like the conductor was messing with you. It sounds like it, and I don't know why they do this, but it happened to me all the time,

where if I didn't make it by a certain point, I would get stuck behind that train. But I was a waiter for a bit. Sorry, no, I was a host for the first three months, and then I was a waiter, and it was one of the most fun jobs I've ever had. Yeah. I was coming from Disneyland.

What did you like better, being a host there or being a host now? I do the exact same thing. Anytime my guests come in, I look at this and say, party of four for a booth? I, so it was so fun, and I was working there with my friend Frank,

and my two, I got to know them. They were both named Kathy, and the four of us were really, really good friends. But then every other waiter there was really cool, to the point where we were always hanging out with each other every night, and it was so fun. And then we also, none of the managers took it too seriously. They would shut down the place at closing time,

and we would all just hang out in the bar, and the drinks would all be free. At one point, I think I maybe told you this, one of the managers like, just put porno on the big screen projector TV one night, which I think was probably not a cool thing to do in retrospect. But we would stay there till four in the morning, and I dated like some of the girls there,

and it was the most fun job I've ever had. By the way, are you guys cool that I put on porno before we started the podcast? Yeah, no, it's right behind you. It's homemade walling, Irma, porno, for those who are wondering. It's also minion porn. It's very, I never knew their holes were right there. Yeah.

It's kind of split screen, something for each of us. If you have a request, we can put that on. So, about a year after I started, oh, they would also encourage us to take all the leftover food home all the time. Oh, that's cool. So I was coming home with giant cakes and pies every day. My parents loved it.

They loved Marie Caledars. This is similar to when I worked at The Simpsons, and I would bring back all of the birthday boys all there, like I would bring them pies and cakes and things like that. Right, because everyone got two meals, right? Yes, everyone got two. Multiple meals. Yeah, because Fox is just paying for all of it.

Yeah, and then they got in trouble because they were ordering like seven meals per person a day. So as opposed to Comedy Bang Bang, where I believe at a certain point, there was a $15 limit put on. Yeah. Or was it $15 or $12? I don't remember the explicit dollar limit,

but I just was glad that the food was paid for because I've had other jobs where it's just like, you're not getting anything paid for. Well, yeah, I've worked those jobs too, so it was always very confusing to me. I was happy about it, but when I got to Bang Bang and absolutely who produced it, we were discussing the budget at one point

and why we couldn't do something, and he's like, well, your staff has to eat, don't they? And I was like, do they? I've paid for my own lunch at every job I've ever had. It's like not a union thing. But it was cool. It's a nice morale perk. It's a nice, it is, yeah.

So a year into it, suddenly those managers all got replaced by like more hardasses. Oh boy. And there was a woman, I think her name was Lindsay. She was the manager. She was real strict and really by the book, but at the same time, she was going into the bar and getting super drunk every night,

and she like had an obsession and infatuation with one of the barflies there, this like older, when I say older, probably younger than I am now. At the time, he was like 45 and looked ancient to me and just like drank every single night, but she loved the guy. And I guess the guy, she told him how she felt one night and the guy was like, I don't feel that way.

So when we went into the bar, she's sitting there at the bar, crying. She's just drunk and crying. And she's wearing all yellow. She's wearing a yellow sweatshirt and yellow sweats. And she has black. She has black minions. Yeah.

And she has black mascara running down her face. And one of the waiters, one of my friends passed by and just said to me, who bruised the banana? And it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard. That's pretty good. It was so fun. I loved it. She was also a bill.

It's the 31st anniversary, 31. 31st anniversary of that joke. And I'm still laughing about it. She was a villain in many ways, right? She was a villain. And so what she did, she didn't like me for whatever reason because I was the old guard and we didn't take the job all that seriously.

Was she also like only soft core porn while I'm here? Loving for women porn involving stepsisters. So one night we were all drinking. Still, even though she was by the book, still the whole bar shut down and we all drank for free. So she wasn't that by the book. But one night we were talking and I mentioned my graduation.

And she was like, oh, when did you graduate? I was like, oh, 1988. And she suddenly got a look in her eye. And I went, oh, is she actually gonna bust me for this? When every single one of the waiters is underage and constantly drinking here? And she went away. I think she just found her opening to get rid of me.

She went over, fired the bartender, fired me. Wow. And well, first the bartender came over really showily and said, I had no idea you were underage, took my drink and threw it in the sink. Trying to save his job. But she fired him too. And I remember he called me up and was like, fuck her.

I don't even care. I'm gonna get another job. But I felt so bad that I got this guy fired. Did at least you let you finish jacking off for the porno before you left? That was the ultimate indignity. I drove home with a boner. Oh boy.

So that job was done and it ruined me for all other jobs because it was the most fun waiter job. And then I worked at Baker Square for a bit. Which is a very similar restaurant. Can I be honest with you? Yeah. That sounds like more fun than I maybe ever had in my life. Yeah.

It was great. I mean, we were all like dating and drinking and hooking up and staying out until four in the morning. I mean, what job have you ever not wanted to just get the fuck out of there afterwards? I know. We were all friends and it was great. And then I worked at Baker Square and at the end of the night

I was like, all right, well, which pies should I take home? And they're like, what are you talking about? Oh my God. And I was like, well, these are all leftover pies. What are you gonna do with them? They're like, we throw them away and we lock the dumpster. And I said, why? And it's because if you were to give them away

or an employee takes them home and gets sick, they could sue. Yes. And I was just like, come on. What is going on? But I assumed all waiting tables jobs were like that. And then in the others that I worked at, Olive Garden and Chin Chin and other ones, they're all way more corporate than that.

Right. That's such a bummer to have that be your first job and then everything else. Yeah. How can you throw pies in a... What a waste. You throw them in a dumpster and then lock the dumpster. Yeah.

And that's also why when you go to one of these places and they're like, oh, we're out of that pie, it's because they're predicting how many pies they should make instead of just like making enough that they'll sell them and giving away the rest or whatever. They don't want to have to waste all that food. That's my oceans 11 is breaking into that dumpster. Breaking the pies out of the dumpster.

I assumed it was going into the dumpster and getting them and not like getting them before they go in the dumpster. I want to get that dumpster. You could get yourself a dumpster costume. Just haven't put in redreckling your mouth. Oh, the pies, including the tin? Yeah. As you guys are all parting and having fun inside,

I'm dumping into the dumpster truck of pies. Marie Calendars was a real staple growing up for us because my parents loved it. Yeah, it was for me too. And they still love it. And they still, whenever I go down, they live in orange currently. And anytime I go down and we'll have like a, hey, do you want to get dinner?

It's always Marie Calendars. Because they sit there like craving it, I think. And they love the pot pie there and the pie. And they've just loved it for years and years and years. It is a big place. And I will say that when I used to go there in the 80s and 90s, and I also loved Marie Calendars, but my whole family loved it. I loved it to the point where multiple birthdays,

I went to Marie Calendars because they had my favorite menu item there. What was that? It was their lasagna, which they don't have anymore. You were so bummed when we went right before the show. I was really hoping to have that little bite of a memory, have that nostalgia lasagna, but it just wasn't present. And then I think for a second I was like, oh, you could probably order it and they'll make it for you.

And then I realized, I'm not going to bake a whole lasagna for you. Here comes Weiger's way less cool Marie calendar story. I don't have any more stories. But somehow still involves porno on it, Jesse. Yeah, I was a child and I liked it as a kid. And my family would go there a lot. We also went to Baker's Square, a competing chain. Both these places just kind of are pseudo diners, upscale diners,

with a bunch of American favorites. Coco's another one, which we've reviewed before. Coco's has seen better days. Yeah, and really? Yeah. Coco's had my saddest story in high school. What was that? So I'm 15 or 16, right?

I'm 16, I think, and I have a best friend. Now? Yeah, I'm 16 years old. Wow, boy. So I go there with my friends to meet these two. My friend is about to start seeing this girl. And she works there as a hostess, along with her best friend, right? And we go and just because my friend wants to see his girlfriend,

or maybe he's about to start seeing her or whatever. And so we go and have a nice meal. And this other girl, who my friend is not seeing, is a friend of mine. And I've sat next to her in classes a lot. And we're just really good friends. I've never thought about that at all. And as we're leaving, the girl who likes my friend calls my friend over and says, hey, I'll just pick a different name.

Hey, Kathy really likes your friend. And my friend came back to the car and was like, oh, this girl, like Kathy really likes you. My girlfriend just told me that. And it sent me reeling into a year-long infatuation with this girl that I saw every day in two different classes I think I sat next to her. And I'd never really thought about her that way, but she was really pretty and really cool.

And I suddenly just had this crush for a year. Sure. And then I found out at the end of the year that I was not the friend that she was referring to. It was my friend. It was our other mutual friend who's the football player. Oh, God, no. And like we got clarification at the end of the year, after nine months of me sitting there,

pining going like if she likes me so much, why didn't she make it a move? So that was Coco's. Was it Kathy from the comic strip, Kathy? Yeah, it was. And she was crying when she couldn't get the football player and was shooting out the sides of her face and she said, Ak the football player that was probably Irving. That was probably.

Yeah, of course. Yeah. Now you were bummed together. You were bummed about the lasagna and I and you said you liked it as a kid and I'd make sure you didn't say kitten. Yes, because because I want to make sure you weren't Garfield. No, I'm not Garfield. It was I mean, it was a fair.

Yeah, it was a fair. It's a fair question. Yeah, it was a good thing to ask. But no, I'm not Garfield, although I did. I did think I related to him as a kid because we both love lasagna. And I was like, you like Mondays though. Favorite day of the week. Boy, that's a good question.

I think my favorite day is maybe is Monday. I think my all the funds about to start. I think my favorite day might be Thursday. Really? Yeah. Why is that? Because you can drink your bottle of wine on Thursday and show up shitfaced on Friday. And it doesn't detract from your work that much.

I think the I think that I that I have Thursday. I'm like, oh, the bulk of the week is past. I am anticipating the weekend. But then sometimes when I get to the weekend, I just have kind of like either have something to do or I have the like I'm to the anticipation of the coming week is kind of and but I feel like Thursday I'm anticipating like, oh, I'm going to have a respite from everything. I think that that's my then you don't and then I don't feel terrible until Wednesday. Yeah, but it also reminds me of a must see TV, which I really enjoyed.

Yeah, I wish it still was around. And you know why all the good shows were on Thursdays is because all the movie studios wanted to advertise on Thursdays because the movies came out on Fridays. Wow. How about that? I didn't think of that. And so the most expensive commercials were on Thursdays. Hey, you know, now we're kind of the equivalent of must see TV.

We come out on Thursdays here to promote your movie coming out on Friday. That's right. Well, that's the end of the episode. Goodbye everyone forever. So I thought this is what you want. If you blew your head off, there's no doubt why girl would pick up the gun and also blow this out. Inexplicably.

We don't know why he did it, but I'll be right behind you, buddy. You sung gets gets back here. We're all dead. He's got three slurpees for a segment. I'll say it wouldn't be that surprised. We'd even know for him that he has to do it too. I will say about unrequited love. There is a Marie calendar's related one, which is one of I told you about my friend Frank.

We were friends with two girls and one of them I developed another year long crush on not due to anyone saying that she was interested in me. In fact, I was pretty sure that she wasn't, but we were really good friends and we went to Las Vegas together once and my friend Frank was trying to encourage me to make a move because I think we were going to stay in one bed together, but just his friends. And he was like, just make a move. I was like, she doesn't want me to make a move. And he's like, I mean, you can always just say like, hey, what if we cuddled?

And I was just like, all right. And then I didn't do anything. We just had fun. And when I got back, my friend Frank was saying like, oh yeah, she told me she hoped you didn't make a move before you guys left. I was like, why did you tell me that? I went there with your suggestion to cuddle with her. That is a terrifying part of teen hood is the pressure and even still I feel that through

my twenties I felt that like at weddings where people would be like, go dance with her. You like she needs you want to go. I'm like, I don't want to don't tell me to do this thing. That's never a fun thing. Well, so much so that I once at a New Year's Eve party when I was 20, I was at a New Year's Eve party and this girl that I thought was so hot that I just never talked to came up and started talking to me at 1155. And I was like being polite to her and I'm right in my head going like,

this dumb girl doesn't know that at midnight you're supposed to kiss people. And I was like trying to kind of like give her out of like, all right, get out of here, you know, and then at like 1159 and 50 seconds, she's like, so are you going to kiss me at midnight? I was like, oh, she wanted to talk to me. But the whole time I'm assuming, you know, for her sake, you know, please get away. So Marie Calendar is also known for its frozen meals, which was also a go-to for me. Frozen lasagna, frozen pot pies. The pot pies especially.

Pot pies are, yeah, the pot pies are great. Are you saying pot pies or pot pies? Pot pies. So the pot pies, chicken sandwiches. The pot pies, chicken sandwiches. We're here to talk about that, right? They have Marie Calendar's frozen version. They've had it for years.

A very bad, they made a bad move, a bad marketing move today. This was, yes, as of this recording. Yeah, bring your own bun. Bring your own bun, yes. I do everywhere I go, it's what I sit on. Why are you just clapped back? So this, we went to the Sherman Oaks location. I go, beverages we ordered and apps while we were waiting for Mitch to arrive.

I got a, I got myself a peach lemonade, which was punishingly sweet. It was super duper sweet. I, your level of cool up was there and we mentioned that. By the way, thank you for inviting her. I thought that was very fun. I had a lot of fun. We both had a lot of fun talking to you guys. We're glad she was there.

Yes, cool up rules. What a, what a, what a fun for some. And I had a little, we're a twosome. I don't know what you guys are. I'm in the golf sense. Like we're hitting the links. Sure. And so I had a turkey link.

He had no turkey links. The beach, it tasted like I, I cool up, had a sip and really reacted to it's, how sweet it was. And I, I made me taste the, she said it tasted like candy. And I was like, yeah, it's like a melted jolly rancher. That's kind of what it tastes like. It was way, way too sweet. Mitch, you got yourself, when you arrived, you got yourself a,

an iced tea lemonade. That's right. And I know Palmer or Nick Weigher. Nick Weigher. Yes. Yeah. How was it? I know Palmer is too hard to say.

I like calling it a Nick Weigher. Thank you, Scott. Yeah. It was good. It was fine. It was no like stand out in that the lemonade wasn't particularly good and the iced tea wasn't particularly great. So it just was kind of like a, and you couldn't,

I couldn't really taste the two sides of it. It was just felt like a one sweet drink that was fine. Yeah. And Scott, the iced tea was okay. I just got the iced tea and it was fine. Maybe it was ruined for you by having that sweet. Yeah. Maybe the, maybe the lemonade was just not that great.

I wish, I wish I could single it out and see what it tastes like. Did you taste my peach lemonade? I did not. I don't think you would have liked it. I think it would have been too sweet for you. But you get the cornbread as a free app with certain meals. If you have a sandwich, you do not get it because you're already having enough bread.

Right. But if you get one of the entrees, and let me tell you, they're cornbread. We're going to judge the amount of bread I may or may not have. I think that, that like with California Pizza Kitchen, you used to give you a basket of bread by default. I think they used to just give you cornbread there. I could be wrong.

I could be misremembering it. I think when I worked there in 1988 that it was, it was by item. Oh, it was still by item then, okay. But if someone was to say, well, that was one of the things why, you know, the, the woman who was strict and why I got fired is, if someone was to say, hey, could I get some cornbread, we would just automatically bring it. Right.

Yeah. She was, she would always check our tickets saying like, they didn't order such and such. You need to make them pay for the cornbread. Wow. That's rough. Come on. But they, that cornbread, it comes out piping hot,

like really hot. And then you keep it in like a drawer. Yes. That, that is heated. Oh, interesting. Yeah. So when they, they make it in the oven, then they keep it in a heated drawer.

And they make it fresh there, right? Yeah, they make it fresh there. Yeah. I could get that drawer for the, for my bedroom. Yeah. You sunk and sleeping it. They make the pies fresh there as well. Yes.

Because I would get there early in the morning sometimes and or late at night. The managers would be like mixing the dough in the back. And that was part of their jobs. And I would always look at them going like, Oh, I don't want to be a manager. If you can sit back here mixing dough. You get like this hut, this little whipped spread

that I think has a little touch of honey to it. Yeah. Yeah. Like a honey whip. And I actually love that, that spread and that cornbread. I love a whipped butter. Lot of fun. Do you remember this like old book,

The Night Kitchen or something? A little boy who like, you had me a little boy. He breaks it. Like he gets, he bakes it. Like there's a bunch of bakers. He breaks or he bakes. What does he do?

He gets baked into a pie or something. He's a little naked boy. It's a little naked boy. Do you not remember this? A naked little boy who gets baked into a pie. Is this a picture book that someone sent you on the internet? It is. Was this like an, like an, like an adult like family friend

like gave you this book and was like, What do you think of this? Trying to get your trust? What would a situation like this, how would that make you feel? We should read together sometime. I guess no one remembers this book. No, I don't know.

I mean, I'm not doing a good job describing it. I think you've done an exceptional job describing it. I'd rather not hear anymore about it. If you guys know what the fuck Mitch is talking about, hashtag a nude boy pie book. At least just send it to Mitch. I don't want to be involved. Are we sure there's not already a hashtag of new boy pie book?

All right. Yeah, someone, someone will figure out this mystery. So we got the, we got it as apps. Do you guys like the cornbread with that, that honey web? Love the cornbread. That's, I mean, that's something it's like Olive Garden breadsticks. Yeah. It's a signature thing for all of, or for Marie calendars.

And you know, the menu has changed in the 30 years since I worked there. A lot of the signature classics are the same, but they have several new items that I'd never seen before. But that cornbread is a constant and they just, they can't fuck it up. That's why people go. Yeah, it's, it's, it's great.

You like that, Mitch? Before I get into the rest of the meal, I mean, look, a highlight of the meal before we got to the after meal, the dessert, the dessert was going straight to dessert. No, I'm just saying that. I want to say like, as far as my main course went, yes, Marie calendars is known for, I would say,

primarily pies. Yes. That's, they're a pie shop that kind of moved outward into restauranting. We would get pies just like to take home for like holidays and stuff. I would, the Marie calendars that I live by into Luca Lake on Thanksgiving, you would see a line around it. Wow. For the pies also right before Christmas.

They had a window, a drive up window just for the pies. Yeah. It's primarily a pie shop, but the cornbread is number two. That's the, the second thing that, that anytime. And by the way, we got there at 6pm and we drove up and all we could see were like a line of, of elderly people in walkers arriving at Marie calendars. I mean, 6pm is like even a little late for them.

We were, too. It was that today. Yeah. That was today. Yeah. We were the youngest people in the restaurant for most of the time until a family showed up and seated at the booth across from us. The one we went to today, does it have a drive-by drive through window?

I don't think so. See, it wasn't a drive through window. It was, it was, it was more of a window that they had so much pie business during the holidays. It was like, just come to the window and don't come into the restaurant. All right. So we had, so, so yeah. So we were there.

There are a lot of seniors there. What is that noise? I hear that too. I thought it was music. It's AC. Oh, it's the AC going. Okay. I thought it was like suddenly there was underscoring.

So we got there. You're being played off. I was worried more, maybe a ghost train was going to come sailing through. Jesus, don't scare me like that. So the, the apps we got. Oh, and a ghost train? Yeah. Like the tracks used to come through here.

Like in Ghostbusters 2, basically? Ghostbusters 2. I mean, I was thinking of amazing stories. Does that ghost train give Dan Aykroyd a blow job in Ghostbusters 2? Two, two, go. His eyes cross. The first time it was just a ghost woman. Now a whole train.

It's got the face of Thomas the Tank Engine. So the, so we got the, the apps we got, the fresh avocado and shrimp stack, which we looked at and I was, I thought it seemed a little suspect, but I figured we should try it in the interest of science. And we also got the loaded tots of, yeah. We got the, so the fresh avocado and shrimp stack has avocado, pico de gallo, chipotle ranch dressing, and Cajun grilled shrimp on top. Thankfully the shrimp aren't raw.

They're kind of just, just piled on top. There's four of them, which worked out fine for our party size. And then you get tortilla chips on the side. And then the tots are, they're tater tots. They were loaded tots is what they described. Yes. And they're, they've got, they're supposed to be topped with poblano cheese sauce, but it more seemed like they were sitting in a pool of poblano cheese.

It was a soupy mess down at the bottom of the, uh... Yeah. Yeah. And then they partially in bacon and then the bacon was not very, not chopped all that well. So there was a whole, there's a whole piece of bacon on top of it. Long, long crispy strips, a kind of like tortilla strips, with an actual diced up bacon.

It was, yeah, did not look great. I didn't, I didn't love either of these apps. I will say the texture of the, the, the tots, they had a good fry to them, but the sauce was just very strange. When you, when I hear loaded tots, I want these motherfuckers to have all the fixings on top. I want them just swimming like a nacho, like a nacho. You know what I mean?

And today it was just waiting in a, in a like, you know, one inch pool of nothing. Yes. There, yeah, it was like a wet pool. It was not, it did not look great. You were saying, you were saying this cheese tastes like pussy. And you were like, and I was like, Mitch, is that good? Is that bad? It tastes like pussy, but it looks like comb.

We were like, this is a real mixed message for us. We can't tell if you like it. You turned to the old lady behind us and you told her to her. Doesn't this look like comb? You flagged down the waitress and she said, is this a complaint, sir? And you just popped one in your mouth. I said that it tasted like batteries to be clear. It had a weird taste to it.

Scott, I mean, then Scott said that I said it tasted like pussy, which it tasted like it tasted like batteries. Yeah, which if you know who knows that could be, you know, there could be someone who tastes like batteries, but it, but uh, it was a yeah, like a fucking robot lady, small, the small wonder. That's inappropriate. Oh boy, okay, I'm steam. Wait, is the robot part of it offensive or the young part of it?

Because she's presumably a millennia old. Yeah, it tasted a little battery-like. Yeah, I don't think the flavor was very good. I think that I would have rather had plain tots with like some ranch or some ketchup to dip in. And what about like sour cream on the salad holiday? I needed sour, I needed sour cream. It needed more elements, not just that bad

sauce and then the bacon and the parsley. Why are you occasion guy? Are you, are you occasion guy? Oh, I'll spend some time in the bayou. Oh, a new character. He's occasion guy that has spent some time in the bayou. What are we talking, a summer, a weekend? I'll visit in the bayou for a weekend or two.

Maybe two? Well, who was one weekend? I was exaggerated. I thought so. I went down to the bayou. It was like a layover. Yeah, I spent, I was visiting the airport down there in the bayou. On my way to a conference.

Yeah, I was heading to a- Conference! A salesman convention. I was on my way to Orlando, Florida. So we, so yeah, I'm, I like the, I actually like the shrimp. The bite of shrimp I thought I had, it like was pretty good, a good texture to it. And I think the-

I'll give you that. It didn't really work with this app though. It was just like shrimp topped on top of pico de gallo. It was like a, it almost looked like a, oh, what am I trying to say? Oh, I'm blanking on the word. You know, when you don't cook a meat. Raw?

Yeah, but you know what I mean? Like it's the- What do you mean? Like a tartar or- Tartar, tartar, tartar. It looks like a tartar where they sort of stacked avocado on the bottom and then like a salsa on top in a conical sort of shape that obviously like they put it in a tube.

Yes. If you go to a fancy pants chain, you go to like a cheesecake factory or a hillstone, that wouldn't be a raw tuna on top. That would be like an ahi. And so, and then you dipped your chips into it, your tortilla chips. We did not squeeze the lime on it. It was a little bit spicier than I expected,

I think because the proportion, it was a large proportion of salsa to the other elements. So it was fine. I thought it was okay. Yeah, it was fine. I mean, it was basically chips and salsa with some shrimps on top, but it was pretty good. The chips, I think, were good.

And I think to your point about the spices, you know, as people listen to podcasts know, I'm something of a heat seeker. And there were some spiciness that caught up on me that like- Got to the back of your throat. You sort of found when I said, oh, this is spicier than I expected and you went, huh.

And then five minutes later, you're like, wait a minute, you're right. I got like a piece of jalapeno that like really hit me unexpectedly like in the back of the throat. So it had some bite to it. You're incapacitated almost. You were really struggling to breathe. I had trouble talking for a little bit.

It's sometimes something spicy hits you right in the back of the throat and it just sort of messes up your, just start sounding different. Now this app, I did think- This all sounded like you'll fall in the bow. I was gonna say, now this app, I did think tasted like pussy, but okay. That should be your new scale that you judge the food on.

Does it taste like pussy? No, just the only taste I had was batteries for that first one. And this one was such a quick, there was maybe one shrimp per person. Is that even a one shrimp? The proportions were off. It was weird. I think they should rethink that one.

Yeah, oddly though, I think I liked this more than I liked the tops. Yes, yeah. It was a better app. It was a better app. But how do you really fuck up chips and avocado and one shrimp? Right. And we're not talking like it's a giant prawn or anything.

It's like a tiny shrimp. It was a tiny shrimp. These are modest shrimps. And then we got to our entrees. So I got the grilled ham stack. I was very excited because I got this menu item and next to it in red it said, it's back. And this along with the lasagna was one of my childhood favorites,

the grilled ham stack. I liked it so much that I figured out how to make my own version at home. Basically, you took slices of ham and stacked them? Yes, I sort of made a Jenga stack. But with ham, if you will. Oh, wow. But the grilled parmesan sourdough, it's like, it's kind of when there's signature bread.

And it's very, I realized what I was eating it today, that the reason I like this as a kid because it's basically a sandwich made with garlic bread. It's just like loaded with cheese and butter. It's delicious. My entree also had the bread. It's the works Frisco burger, which has been a classic for a long time.

I think was probably introduced around the time that the ham stack was as well, where basically they just grill up this garlic bread with butter, this sourdough bread, and they put a burger in there, along with an onion ring and a Thousand Island dressing. And there's sweet gherkin Thousand Island dressing. Right. Oh my goodness.

And then a pickle and cheese and maybe bacon. I can't recall if bacon was on it. I'll bring it up, but I do. I will say that there maybe was bacon, but I maybe not. Their Thousand Island dressing is, and they they they call it is very sweet. And that's, again, another thing that I liked about it as a kid.

And definitely that was the case here. But I thought my sandwich was quite good, which is basically the same thing, except take out the burger patty and the onion ring and replace it with a big stack of ham. Again, just picture the cheese on that bad boy. There's no cheese on this. No, it's just a lettuce tomato and the sweet dressing.

But yeah, I'm bringing up this burger. And then Mitch, what did you get for your entree? I got Marie's. Marie's. The works does have bacon. I've had a lot of trouble saying the name. You thought it might be Mary's. I thought it was maybe Mary's.

As in Mary Curie. As in why not just Mary? I mean, I guess it's a different name. It's a different name. It's probably spelled differently. That's probably the main differences. Oh, yeah. I mean, it could spell differently pronounced differently.

Share some similar letters, though. So I understand where you're coming from. Well, that's one of my big complaints. But now that's wiped out immediately. How many forks does that get? Well, now that you've explained to me five forks. Oh, boy, I got the Marie's meatloaf. Yes.

They're famous meatloaf, which has been a classic for as long as I was working there. Yeah. You know, it didn't taste like the freshest meatloaf to me tonight. So that could be a part of it. We're talking a six o'clock meal, too. Yes, it should be a little bit more. I mean, like yesterday's loaf. And maybe it was yesterday's loaf.

It wasn't bad. I'm thinking because they had their early birds in there, probably at 430 that they may have made that meatloaf at like 3 p.m. That's just possible. That could have been the issue. It was it was all right. It felt like it was stuffed with a lot of different things. Like you took a bite of it and you were getting some sort of like carrot or onion.

You could really taste that. Sure. Which is not a bad thing, but it just the you don't want to be just solid. Yes. Beef, beef. Yeah. Yeah. But but also I missed that beefy flavor with it, too.

It was it was it was it wasn't bad, but it wasn't great. The first bite I had of it, I was like, oh, that's a quality loaf. And then I returned for another bite and I was more sort of, um, this is kind of solid. And I think there's it was pretty salty, too. Very salty. Yeah. It I think is not the kind of thing where you necessarily want that to be

the entirety of your meal. Right. It's the law of diminishing returns with it after the first bite. It's like, OK, am I still eating this thing? 100% right. Yeah. I think there were some. Yeah, there's some some definitely some variants in terms of of the individual

bites, because the edge piece I had was quite nice. The mashed potatoes. The meatloaf. I was edging. Yeah. He's a meatloaf edger. Yeah. Just bringing that fork like right to my tongue, but not quite touching it.

Looking the sides. Yeah. The the Kulap got the pot pie, which is maybe their most signature. Signature dish. It's what my mother and father always order when they go there now. Yeah. They sit they fantasize about it. They love the pot pies.

It's hype and hot. It's super duper hot when it comes out. I get why they love it. Yeah. It's good. I don't know that I would ever trust to eat a pot pie anywhere else other than there. Really interesting. I mean, have you ever had a pot pie anywhere else?

No, I've either had Marie calendars or I've had the frozen Marie calendars. I maybe had a Boston Market pot pie. Yeah, but I don't think those are as good. This pot pie was very I was jealous. It was a good it was a very good order by Kulap. Yeah. Yeah, that was very, very tasty. At the side I got with my ham stack was the coleslaw, which was.

By the way, the food all was set down. You took pictures of the food. We all waited. You were the first person to bite anything on the table. And you went right for the coleslaw and you said, yum. And I looked at you and I'm like, you said that after you just ate coleslaw? You were so happy.

I've never seen it was it was just like such the innocence on your face. I like that initial bite. And as I kept as I ate more of it, it started to underwhelm me. I mean, like it had because the it has some like a common thing here. You you your first bite, you really fall in love with the thing. Maybe I was just very hungry. Maybe that's what was going on. So just like the and then as as I my appetite got more satiated,

I got less less satisfied with each individual bite. Should a good meal be better the more you taste it? Or is this just all food that once you eat the first couple of bites? It's like, okay, that's it. And is that an advertisement for tapas? Oh, good point. Yes. I think it is.

I think it is. Or like a top, you know, like I love Taco Bell. And you have like you get like four to five smaller different things. Right. But I'm trying all sorts of different. I feel like there have been some meals where I just it's so good all the way through that it's just gone. But I but they're few and far between, aren't they?

Yes. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I think this kind of place, there's just so much food, you're getting a pretty large portion. And then it's just like so dense and, you know, loaded with salt and fat that it just and it's just so carb heavy that it gets overwhelming. But yeah, I thought the the coleslaw was refreshing, but not particularly flavorful.

Your guys sides, what you had? You had some mashed potatoes and vegetables and vegetables didn't touch the veggies. The vegetables look good. I would have had them. You could have had them. They were right there. Why don't you have any? I don't think they're known for their vegetables, though.

I remember when people would order vegetables and everyone look at them kind of weird. You go, hey, someone wants vegetables or this and the chef or chef, the cook would sign go and like fire up the skillet and get some like, you know, butter in there and start like kind of tossing the vegetables and be like, I don't know. I don't know what this guy's problem is, but he wants the vegetables. It's that big of a pain for them to whip a vegetable. The vegetables did not look good. I mean, I left some meat loaf and mashed potatoes on there.

It wasn't. I just was. I was done. How were the mashed potatoes? The mashed potatoes were pretty good. I feel like again, it felt like Nick, you had a bite of them. Yeah, it felt like those would have been like a plus mashed potatoes if they had been like fresh.

They felt not fresh in some way. I wonder if we're there at a at an odd time. Maybe they're maybe we're there during seniors like the in between shifts as well when they're when the new cooks are just getting there and they're just like kind of acclimating themselves or something and maybe by seven p.m. That's when the real rush is or something. I would say also that our food came out fast. It came out pretty fast.

It came out really fast. Maybe it was sitting there from the lunch. I mean, your burger in particular. It was also a little red, which I ordered a medium rare. So it was okay. Yeah, I liked it. But it was it was but all of it was much faster than I thought it would be. Well, I called ahead and said what that we were coming.

So just have one of everything ready. Oh, okay. So that might have been it. Yeah. Did you how you get some fries with yours? I got some fries with that shake and yeah, they were which they did not do this. When I worked there, they had a bit of seasoning on them. So they were akin to the red Robin.

When I was growing up and working at Marie calendars, I think red Robin was the only place that actually seasoned fries. It was a new thing back then where we were like, oh, wow, they actually put seasoning on these fries. But that Marie calendars now does it and they were pretty good. I eat them all. I was a good boy. I will say that I also got I should have mentioned that I got some some of their

famous chili, which is another thing they're known for, which is a beef and bean chili. It used to become topped with with cheese and sour cream, I believe. I remember getting it with sour cream and now it comes with cheese and tortilla strips and pico de gallo. So they've kind of changed a little bit. I found the strips like superfluous, but it's a decent chili. It's a quality chili. And I think it's like fine in a cup, probably too much in a bowl.

And then we come to our pies. So we each got we each got our own pie. I got the razzleberry. Mitch, you got the chocolate satin. Razzleberry, by the way, is a combination of boys and berry and blueberries. Is that right? Yes, with some apples thrown in there for a little bit of tartness. Yeah.

And they throw some sugar in there. And yeah. Yes. Yeah. And then I nearly said chocolate satin to was looking at the chocolate satin pie. So you were just trying to decide between the German chocolate and the chocolate satin. Yes. And you said, what's better?

And she said chocolate satin like it wasn't even a thing. Yeah, she which I agree. I mean, it is one of their more popular pies. Oh, OK. I don't we'll hear what you think of it. But yeah, I really when it came to the pie round, by the way, I ordered Kahlua cream, which was my favorite pie when I worked there. And Cool Up had the banana cream, which is a super popular pie.

And my father always orders my favorite pies. You're well, your dad's right again, because that was one of my favorites, too. That was a standout. That was a benefit. But my favorite was the Kahlua pie, which you got. And Weiger yours was no pie. Let me down. I thought every pie was every pie.

Great. The pies were excellent. They were they were universally excellent. I did try to order the no sugar razzleberry just to see how they're no sugar pet. She got almost mad at you, I would say. I want to see how it's stacked up. It wasn't what I wanted them. I know I'm stuck.

Remember that? You saw that stacked up and it was delicious. The I want to see how the no sugar pies like it. I just want to see what it was like because I'd never had it before. But the regular razzleberry very, very good. And I thought there were no. Yeah, there were no losers here. Everything was good.

I'd say probably that banana cream was my favorite. Maybe the Kahlua is a second. And then my razzleberry, then the chocolate. And they're all cream is, by the way, almost akin to a cheesecake. It's like a Kahlua cream cheese pie. Yeah. Yeah. It was very that was that's maybe the winner for me.

And I and I got some decaf coffee and that was fine. Yeah. And well, I guess at this point, that's our whole meal. We've chronicled. So we should get to our final thoughts on Marie calendars. I guess so. So Scott, we'll go around. We'll begin with you.

You're our guest. And have you give us a summation of your thoughts on Marie calendars based on this visit and all your prior experience of this chain and then end by giving us a fork score from zero to five forks. Thank you. Marie calendars holds a dear, dear place in my heart. The times I had there, the meals I've shared there. The customers who yelled at me there.

And just the times I had, I would always look forward to eating there. The joy it puts upon my parents faces. Nothing can replace that. I will say I lived very close to one in my old place. And I always thought of it as a very quality restaurant with delicious food. And I would go there a lot. And then we filmed a show at my place called the Brody Stevens interview challenge where the conceit of it was Brody, the late Brody Stevens, RIP A18.

He would share a meal with a comedian. And we would give him challenges to do during the meal. And one of the challenges was to eat everything that was left, that was on the table. Right. I remember David Cross was the guest. And his challenge that he had to do during the interview was make sure no food was wasted and eat every single thing. And we thought it'd be really funny to get two of the appetizer plates and a lot of food.

And I remember thinking, oh, we'll get it from Marie calendars. This will be really good. And that was the first time. And I remember David Cross made fun of the food. And it was too heavy and Brody couldn't eat it. And it was all those carbs and the breaded thing. And that was the first time that I thought to myself, oh, Marie calendars isn't good. And it was that childhood innocence being stripped away and flayed from me

to where I started not being able to trust my feelings about the place. And since then, every single time I've gone back, it's felt like a restaurant in decline whose audience is aging along with it and young people are no longer going. This particular location is an odd one in that it inexplicably sells beanie babies as an impulse item right when you step in and greeting cards. It looks like you've wandered it. I literally walked in and thought, oh, we went into the wrong place. This is a hallmark.

That's what it feels like. And as much as they're trying to make nods to what the popular dishes are of the day with the loaded tots, they're not performing and they're not executing them at the level that you would expect. So unfortunately, I feel like with all of the stores closing down, it would not surprise me if Marie calendars went chapter 11 in a few years. But I would hate to see that because that possibly could coincide with my parents going to the chapter 11 of life, aka heaven.

So as far as the restaurant goes, it's seen better days. I have to assume the food was good when it was in its prime, but it's maybe no longer there. As far as this meal, though, I was very, very hungry. I enjoyed the burger that I had. I really love the pies. Five forks. All right, go ahead, Mitch. I don't have those memories or connections to the restaurant.

I don't have the good times that you had, which I may appropriate those memories for myself. Oh, sure. But I have at them. You can come over by us and watch porn if that's what you're asking. Well, when I was up that age in college, that sounds like the most fun. It sounds like a fun time. I didn't even have the porn for some reason. I don't know what was going on.

I should have just looked it up online. But I do have a fondness for this place. Why? I don't know. You've been before? I've never been. I feel like I've been before, but I've never really been that much. And there's restaurants that we go to that are in decline that I hate,

and I'm like this place should just be put out of its misery. But this one, if there's something about it that I like, and I do know one thing I like, but which I'll say in a second. But the first thing I saw when I walked in were literally the backs of Hallmark cards. That's through the window when you look at a place that sells pies and you see can you see greeting cards? It's strange. It's a strange.

It's a very strange thing. It's yes. It doesn't make any sense. But I like this. I like a home style kind of homey place for the old. Like, you know, like an older person's place. It feels like a place that should have memories attached to it. And to quote the birthday boys, if we're going to go to Marie calendars,

you got to get that pie. What, Nick? You didn't. I did like it. It's from your sketch. The pie is the pie. I can't give a bad rating to a place that has something that they do so well in the pies, right?

Look, the pie is a showstopper and you wouldn't put the star attraction at the beginning of the show or in the middle of the show. You save it for the end. And so they're very smart when it comes to that there was there was some good stuff. I think that you're right that I think that it is a place that needs. And I sadly agree with you that I don't know if they'll ever figure that out. I think that maybe they just will go out of business. I say, bring the porn back.

Start playing on the TV. That might help. You know, you got a lot of seniors in there. So you maybe got a little bit conservative in what subgenres you can play. Like they're probably going to be offended by some of the kinkier stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever kept a straight like P and V?

I think they'd probably be OK. But I definitely right now. I don't know what that is. I have to say, but go ahead. I think right now. Oh, penis and vagina. OK. You know, I was going to.

I was going to say three forks, but I think I'm going to raise it and it's already three forks because of the pie, but I'm going to raise it to three and a quarter forks because I think the pie is that good. I mean like three forks one time. If it really truly just became like a pie restaurant. Yes. I mean, like it's better pies than House of Pies, right? Undoubtedly better pies than Baker Square.

I think yeah. It's I mean the better than better than Coco's for sure. Coco's the pies. I always felt like felt like a toss in the pies are really, really, really good. So they do that so well. They got to revamp their menu. They got to do something there, but but I also like the memories you have to attach to it and it feels like that sort of face it plays.

It feels like an important like and maybe that's just the style of the restaurant, the way it looks when you walk in. It's very much nostalgic, no matter what age you're in. Yes. You know, it's nostalgic for an age that maybe doesn't exist anymore. Yes. Yeah, I agree. Thank you for making that point, which I probably would never have gotten to.

But yeah, three, three and a quarter forks. Okay, it's it's I'm afraid though that it's it's gonna it's gonna go away. Well, hopefully these ratings will give it a little bit of juice. They could boost it. But the you know, the more likely outcome is that this chain will die along with the silent generation. They are they're just like it's sort of like the this is this is we see we saw the demographic that's that's eating there at seniors and boomers boomers.

Yeah, I guess it's I guess it's now boomers because the silent generation is even older than that. So, you know, boomers might sustain it for a little bit. But I think it's not it's not getting a younger audience. But is that okay? Everything has to go away at some point. It's totally fine. All businesses are going to go away, right?

Um, I mean, I think double is media will endure. But you know what I mean? Like sometimes when people as an insult or write to me. Well, your show was canceled. Yeah. I'm like after five years and 110 episodes. Like yeah, fine, you know, I'll take it. Not everything is the Simpsons.

Yeah, no, I agree with that. The thing that's always and this is all man. If the Simpsons ever gets canceled though, I'm going to let him have it. Oh, yeah. Take that Selman. Oh, wow. Um, I but when things go like I would be sad if it went away because it has such great pies.

And I think of places in Boston that like Brigham's I've told you. Weigher has a great raspberry lime Ricky. And then when you then in the city, I'm like, where can I get a raspberry lime Ricky? And then there's nowhere to get one anymore. Right. Right. That's the thing that scares me with some of these older businesses

that are dying down is that there's just items or maybe the the the stuff that's really good. The cornbread, yeah, the the, uh, Kalua pie. I don't know anyone who makes. Yes. Yes. You know, and then is that just gone? That's then that's very sad.

Yeah. If they, I mean, if they could focus or find a way to come come up with like an express version that's maybe more pastry and pie focused, just greeting cards or just greeting cars. That's clearly working for them. Uh, yeah, I don't think Marie calendars is as long for this world. I will say as opposed to, uh, you know, talking about other chains that are kind of in this category, one place we went to very early on,

Coco's, which was one of our probably our least pleasant dough boys meal. And that place is the same sort of category. And, you know, largely an older clientele, but that place is just decaying. Coco's, well, they don't specialize in anything. Keros, I meant to say. I didn't know if I said Coco's, I apologize. Keros was a wretched meal. Coco's was also not great, but it was great, but it was okay.

But Keros we went to Keros just feels like it's decaying and it feels like at least Baker square thinks they specialize in pies. Right. But Coco's, I think is just like we have pies. Yes, exactly. If that's what you want. But you know, they don't specialize in anything and Keros has nothing. Yeah.

Keros is just is just bad. And I think the, and Murray calendars is still at an okay level of quality. I mentioned this before. Keros is the ghost of Christmas yet to come for Murray calendars. For Murray calendars, yeah. I will say this, that there is a, I think I may have told the story on the Panera episode. That Panera in Santa Monica, which recently closed, used to be a Polly's Pies, which is another one of these places.

Oh, I haven't thought about that place in a long time. And Polly's Pies is a place I used to go to. And we were in the Polly's Pies and the week they closed. And there was just an old guy sitting at the counter by himself. And he just said to the one, the one, those servers, he was just like, sure are going to miss this place. And I was just like, oh, that's a bummer because this is like a place where, you know, people come to, it becomes a part of your routine and becomes a part of your life.

It becomes a gathering place. And, and so it is nice that this exists. And, and I think I hope these, these a few Murray calendars keep staying in business for a few more years. Pies are great. I think this is a four and a half fork pie chain. Wow. The food I think is more of a one and a half to two fork pie, two fork, boy pie, one and a half to two fork range there.

What do you do, average it out? I guess I can average it out, which is, I'll say the same as Mitch, three and a quarter forks. I think that's, that's about where I learned. I will say this though, Mitch, if this place, because I mentioned how fond I was of it as a child, and this was a place I went to for, for birthdays, I think if this was the equivalent for you, and it existed in Quincy, you would give this five forks at its current state, because you would have so much nostalgia to it.

Sure. That you would think that this was like reminding you, Yeah, you think I disagree with you? Of course I would. All right, good. We're on the same page. Guys, that was our review. I gave the 90 calendars and it was like,

That episode's not out yet. Oh, we'll bleep that. That was our review of Murray calendars. It's time for a segment. When fast food news breaks, the dough boys are here to cover it. This is Breaking Choose. Breaking Choose. No, Breaking Choose.

My whole thing with this is that I've always, I've never thought that he's doing it live. It always sounded too professional. No, I do it live, baby. My thing with that is that, Fuck it, we'll do it live. In the original, they don't go, Breaking News. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, it's not a parody of that. I don't think you've watched the show recently, because that's exactly what Brian Williams does. And he kind of hums along for like half-hearted leader in the first one. Breaking News. I was in an attack helicopter that got shot down in Afghanistan. You have to stop breaking that news, Brian. We all know it's not true.

My daughter got her ass eight on girls ass eight. Five forks for Allison Williams ass. Do you know what's crazy? Yes. I believe Brian Williams. That is daughter got her ass eight? Yeah, I believe him. I saw him, I think.

So we got these nerds slurpees from 7-Eleven. This is a grape strawberry flavor. Sweet little nerds, don't make you choose. These teeny little guys all come in twos. Grape and strawberry, both on your side, the most perfect slurpee. You've ever tried. I didn't spit those bars off the dome, mind you. That's the copy from 7-Eleven's webpage.

What, it's grape and strawberry? This is grape and strawberry combined. So they, it's a purplish hue. Kind of looks like grass. It has the flavors of grape and strawberry within it, or it's stacked, much like that ham stack I heard so much about, on top of each other. This doesn't look like a ham stack situation.

This looks more like they're blended. Okay. But yeah, well, let's go ahead and take a sip of this. With our plastic straws, thank you very much. Tastes like pussy. Boy, this is very sweet. It's very sweet. It's very sweet.

Similarly sweet to that. It's got that kind of snap that a good slurpee has though, where you're like, oh, it's not just sugary. It's got like sort of an acidic sort of kind of aftertaste to it, which is classic slurpee. We got the smalls. And I don't think I could do any more than this of this, because this flavor is so intense.

I used to get the larger Coke slurpees, but this small is just enough for me. Why, or tell us how often you get those? Daily. My, yeah, me and my lovely waifu Scotch just learning that I married. I have to work with them for years. I don't believe a word about that. We would go and we get 7-Eleven Coke slurpees every day,

and we did that for a while. And then I realized that I was having 400 calories of sugar. In the afternoon. And that was one reason why I kept getting so fat, and why I'm still so fat today. The slurpee is, so yeah, I think this would have to be this size. I think this is the right size for this flavor. I can't really taste the strawberry.

It's very grapey. It's grapey, yeah. Very grapey. But I guess maybe it's sweeter than grape in a way. Maybe that's the strawberry part of it. I sort of at the aftertaste is strawberry-ish to me. Yeah, yeah. I will say it does kind of have that nerds sort of flavor to it.

And I forgot about the nerds part of it. Yeah, it tastes like it. I mean, it tastes like a liquid nerds candy. Do you think this is tasty enough to make ogre-like nerds? Would he shout out like nerds? In a positive way. In a positive way. Whereas he was completely negative.

It's just all about the line reading. Yes, yeah. I think this would make him go nerds. Kind of like maybe coming around to it a little bit. I think this is a mild drink for me. Certainly not a stank, but it's not like a clear drink. I'd say it's like a little bit of a drink.

I'll say this. They're successful in that it does taste the flavor of nerds comes across. Yeah. Which for the better or worse, I don't really know if that's a good thing. I can't. I haven't had nerds in decades. Yeah. And I don't think I've had a slurpee in decades.

I'm enjoying it. I used to, we used to go to Sears and shop a lot as a child. And they had their version of a slurpee was called an icy. Oh yeah, I remember the icy. I just, you know, anytime we went to Sears, I would be begging my mom, can we get an icy? Can we get an icy? I was so annoying to her.

And I would say 50% of the time we were allowed an icy, but the feeling of this takes me back to those days. It's nice. It's not great. I think I would rather have a different flavor, but you kind of taste the nerds in there. It's a very overwhelming grape flavor, but if this is, especially this is a hot summer day and I was outside,

that'd be, I would enjoy this. It's a drink. I'm going to say. Mowing the lawn. Yeah, I think this is a drink. Mowing the lawn. Yeah. Washing the windows.

Taking my shirt off and washing the car. Yeah. Throwing them on the glass. You sang, did you have any of this, any sips of this? Yeah. What do you think? I've never had a slipper before. Wow, wait, really?

Yeah, I've had icies before when it was on Long Island, but this is like so overwhelming. It's so sweet. It's very sweet. And so like, it's buzzy, but I can't put it down. Yeah, you said this is about all I can drink and I agreed, and since then I've almost had all of it. So it's sort of addictive.

It really is. Drank. I would say it's a drink. Yeah, I think drank should have consensus. Well, hey, that was a 7-up nerd slurpee. Just like a restaurant we value your feedback. Let's up on the feedback. Did your voice get lower?

Did you say 7-ups too? Well, that was the 7-eleven nerd slurpee. Just like a restaurant we value your feedback. Did your voice get lower? Let's up on the feedback. Did I sound a little lower? Yeah. All right, I'll take it again with my normal voice.

Well, that was a 7-eleven little slipper. Oh, just the same as we used to have. Now they're noise down the way. Yeah, boy, when I spent them six hours in the airport now on my way to a conference. I hit up a 7-eleven. Oh, boy. Hey, just like a restaurant we value your feedback.

Let's up on the feedback. Today's email is from David Osborne. David writes, is ketchup an acceptable dipping sauce for chicken fingers? If not, is ketchup an acceptable dipping sauce for chicken prepared any way? Thanks for the question, David. Do you have any strong feelings on this, Ackerman?

Yeah, no, you're a lunatic. There is no way in any universe that ketchup should be put upon chicken. The thought of it is repulsive to me. I lost track of the question because his name was Dave Osborne, like Super Dave Osborne. And that's all I thought of for a few seconds. I was thinking of the Osborns.

Yeah, that was thinking of an Osborne kid. Do you remember this? Sharon! How could I? That was a lot of fun. Man, that was good. I was, by the way, speaking of being on tour, I mentioned this in one of our shows.

We took a plane ride from LA to Kansas City on the last leg, and I was sitting next to a woman who was wearing sandals, picking her toes the entire time while watching full episodes of the Osborns. That's insane. Jesus Christ. And I didn't know which was more disturbing to me. I was just inexplicably roaring with laughter,

watching YouTube video, not clips, whole episodes of the Osborns. That's insane. I was on the bus earlier. Guy had not picking his toes, but he seemed to be well-behaved overall. But he had his phone. He was watching The Simpsons, the Dr. Zaeus song

from The Simpsons with his volume up and was singing along with it. An adult man. Oh, no. It was very strange. Planes are sort of like public transportation for flying. The fact that you have to sit next to people, we're so accustomed to,

oh, I'll just buy a car and drive everywhere and be alone in it. Like, why can't we do that with plane? Yeah. I mean, you could get a private plane, but that'll cost you a pretty penny. I'm saying we all buy a plane. We have it at our house.

Oh, we each own our own plane. Yeah. I mean, I think that would be cost prohibitive for most, but maybe. I don't know. I will, I do kind of have experience when I'm on a plane. I'm like, this is like being on the bus. And when I'm on the bus, I'm like,

this is like being on plane. Wow. I'm on a train. Kind of like both of them. Yeah. I've never said this to you before. Yeah. I think you should do stand up.

I think you've done stand up and it's perfect. Guys, I'm just trying out my tight five on public transportation. Stand up in front of the birthday boys taping. And maybe the funniest part of the entire tape. I didn't even know it was you. I was like, because I dipped in just to see a couple of sketches and I was like, who is that? And I think Neil Campbell was like, it's Weiger.

I was like, oh, because weren't you dressed differently or something? I was doing a. So I did a warm up. I did. I was the audience warm up guy. And so I just kind of like went with like a really like loud sort of wardrobe to just sort of like be like very like kind of hacky. But like, I was just trying to be as hacky as I possibly could

as kind of a bit. But you had to do way more time than you expected. I didn't do like six hours. And so I was just like riffing for like six hours. But it was like. It was really funny. Oh, thank you. People people loved it.

And it was just me being as hacky as I possibly could. It's like, okay, maybe this is my calling. Yeah. Well, even if even if I went up just trying to be hacky, I could do 10 minutes. Yeah. Maybe, but you were doing so long. It was really impressive.

It was. I mean, it overshadowed the show. You guys threw away that version, didn't you? We threw away the lives, the live show version. Yeah. And I think after that was when Bob Odenkirk was like, hey, we should get Weigar on the show. He did.

There was a moment where Bob wanted Weigar on the show as one of the birthday boys as a birthday boy. I think he qualics place. I think that I think that Bob thought we were like. You could trade birthday boys in and out. Just swapping it out. Well, there's like a birthday boy league that it's like. All right.

This guy's this guy's in the reserves now. We're calling this guy up to the show. I think if you guys had made that switch, birthday boys would have been canceled after one season. I think that I had a roommate in college who would dip chicken in ketchup, like fried chicken and ketchup, and I found it strange, like whole pieces of fried chicken. I don't think it's it's quite that.

I mean, dip whatever you whatever you want, but I feel like there's better options, like some some honey mustard or some some ranch or something for your chicken fingers, a barbecue sauce. You song, you seem to have a strong reaction to this. What are you thinking about this? I just remembered like everyone, like in school cafeteria lunches, would dip chicken tenders in ketchup because it was just the only option.

It's the only difference that's available. Yeah. And it was just like too dry. So I never thought much of it, but like now I would definitely go for something else over ketchup. Yeah. I think it's weird. I'm just going to say that this might be harsh,

but if you're if you're dipping your chicken into chicken fingers or chicken nuggets or anything into ketchup, you're a little baby. Yeah. You're a little baby. You're a tiny little baby. You're a tiny little baby. Time to catch up with adulthood. Oh, you are a standup.

I will say I was talking about Roscoe's with Carl Tartt when we were on tour, and I mentioned the fact that, you know, I've been going there since I was 18 or something that I like to put syrup over everything, the fries, the chicken, everything. And he was like, no, no, no, no, no. You got hot sauce on the chicken. And I was almost like I was doing the wrong thing. But I think I don't know.

I mean, you can have like a chicken waffle sandwich that you pour syrup on it. It's good. So is that different than ketchup? I don't know because ketchup has sugar in it as well. I don't I don't know, but it just the thought is disgust me. If you're putting chicken tenders or chicken fingers or chicken nuggets into ketchup, I think it has to be because there's no other option. I'll accept it if you got room service, for instance,

we were talking about and they only give you ketchup. And you don't want to call down again, like have them bring up. Or, you know, if you're in a chicken fingers eating contest and you don't have a glass of water to dip them in. Yeah, you have a big. They actually give you a cup of ketchup. Yeah, I think that would work in a pinch. You're adding calories, but make it come down a little bit easier.

I have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants. She email said, don't waste podcast. Did you mail? What the hell? I can't talk. These people are writing an order for you to say their name on their favorite show. And I can't understand anything you just said. It's too late.

If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at doughboyspodcastedgmail.com or leave us a voicemail at 830 Godot. That's 830-4636844. And to get the doughboys double our weekly bonus episode, join the Golden or Platinum Play Club at patreon.com slash doughboys Scott Ockerman. Tell us about the movie. Between Two Ferns, the movie.

We've been working on it for a couple of years. I'm pretty proud of it. It's an improvised movie, which are not common. You don't see a lot of those these days. We were very inspired by this is Spinal Tap, which was... I took a look at how that was filmed, which was they filmed it like a documentary. These guys knew their character so much,

they would just kind of put them in situations that were unplanned, set up a camera, they would improvise in it. And that's sort of what we did with this entire film, as we shot it like an actual documentary. We built a public access station and we just set up cameras and interviewed people about their jobs and then we'd film them doing their jobs. It's pretty funny.

It's Zach Alfenakis is in it and the guest stars are Will Ferrell and Matthew McConaughey, Keanu Reeves, Brie Larson. So many like 25... Superstar. 25 superstars are in it and it's really funny and I hope people watch it. I've shown it to about 10 audiences at this point. They all really like it. So I hope you do too.

It's the film is completed and it's going to be released in just a few hours. So this might be late to ask, but can Weigar and I be in it? And Weigar, you did a little bit of work on it. Oh yeah, just a little bit in the early going. I'm excited to see what it ended up being a turning into. Yeah, you came aboard and did like a just a writer's day where we batted ideas back and forth. Right.

I believe only one ended up actually being... I don't mean one of yours, just like one idea we talked about that day. So probably not mine. I don't think so. Yeah, the odds are it would probably not my idea. But... So it was kind of like a wasted like day for everyone. Yeah, yeah, it was.

It was a real waste of time. I wish it never happened. Your idea was that Galifianakis jerks off into the ferns. Check that out. Yeah, to watch them, everyone's going to watch it. Check it out. It's very exciting. It's on Netflix.

Lauren Lapkis, by the way, is the second lead. The one of the funniest. Ryan Gall and Giovanni Linayo from the Groundlings and UCB, respectively. And they're really funny. And it's cool, I think, to see a movie improvised as well. Because most comedies are done with a script. We just were flying without a net and didn't even know what was going to happen. And then had to make it all make sense in post.

That's very exciting. Yeah. Check that out. You all have Netflix. Go ahead and stream it. And Scott, anything else you'd like to plug? Comedy Bang Bang podcast. And also, I have a comic coming out.

It either came out yesterday or it's coming out next week. I wrote one page in Marvel Comics 1001, which was a big thrill. Yeah. That's cool. Was it the 8001th page? Hey, fuck you. I also said once again. You know what?

That's the new way to say it. Once. Once. That's how we say it down on the bike. Oh, once. That'll be up for this episode of Doe Boys. Until next time, with this movie by Michael Mitchell. I'm Nick White.

Oh, daddy. See ya. Double. Double. Double. On the next Doe Boys Double, live from New York, it's Doe Boys? Guests Paul Rust and Mike Canford joined to review

Sian's famous foods for our Feast Coast tour. Recorded live at a shitty theater. Get the Doe Boys Double every Tuesday only at patreon.com.com. Slash. Doe Boys. Double. Double. Double.

Sources for this week's intro include Pipeline to the NFL. Big States Schools are Key by Jeff Zilgit. Don Callender, who turned his mom's pie shop into the Marie Calender's chain dies at 81 by Claire Nolan. Marie Calender's founder remembered as innovator by Nancy Luma. Marie Calender's closes 31 units amid bankruptcy by Nancy Luna. Marie Calender's corporate website.

And the Long Beach Polytechnic website. Full list of sources available in the episode description.