Doughboys - McDonald's with Sarah Silverman

Episode Date: December 20, 2018

On a historic Doughboys milestone, the 'boys are joined by Sarah Silverman (Ralph Breaks the Internet, I Love You, America) to review a cornerstone of American chain restaurants: McDonald's. Plus, another segment of Pie In This Guy. Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In 1935, as Franklin Roosevelt's New Deal saw an ambitious public works program to boost the U.S. economy out of depression, his administration approved a monument meant to celebrate the 18th century Western territorial expansion overseen by Thomas Jefferson, selecting a site along the riverfront in St. Louis, Missouri. So began the consumption of the St. Louis Arch, which designates the so-called Gateway to the west, though the slow churn of bureaucracy combined with the ambition of the design meant construction wasn't completed until 30 years later, in 1965. Of course, there's another American arch that actually predates St. Louis' river-straddling

steel rainbow. In 1940, brothers Richard and Maurice opened a restaurant in San Bernardino, California, and when they streamlined it into a hamburger stand and mechanized production to vastly increase service speed, it attracted SoCal car culture consumers and droves. In 1953, the brothers opened a location in Phoenix, Arizona, designed by architect Stanley Clark Mestin in the eye-catching, futurist Googie style of the era, now most famously seen in the Jetsons and Disney's Tomorrowland. To draw eyes from the highway, the location included building spanning yellow parabolas,

what would become known as the Golden Arches, which would become a signature structural element in future outlets. In 1955, traveling salesman Ray Crock partnered with the brothers to franchise their concept nationwide, recognizing that constructing restaurants with giant arches wasn't scalable. In 1962, the Golden Arches were retrofitted into a logo, joined to form an M standing for the brothers' and restaurant's name. It would be used for their signage, packaging, and marketing, becoming one of the most recognized corporate insignias in the world.

Once the conniving Crock infamously cut the founders out of their lucrative franchising agreement, forcing them to surrender control of their business, the logo and brand name would be all that remained of the brothers' pioneering contributions to fast food, as Crock's stewardship grew into the industry-leading behemoth that remains today. In the midst of exponential growth, Crock's amoral min-max business philosophy led the company to minimize both food quality and worker compensation to maximize profit. But thanks in large part to aggressive marketing aimed at children who would become lifelong consumers, the chain's food has become a key part of the American identity, both at home

and in perception from abroad. So perhaps the real gateway to the West is not the St. Louis Arch, but rather the Golden Arches associated with the Southern California-founded fast food franchise that's now ubiquitous worldwide, its domestic outlets serving as makeshift community centers, its foreign ones embassies of America's chief export of global capitalism. This week on Doe Boys, McDonald's, breakfast. Welcome to Doe Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger, alongside my co-host, Ebenezer Splooge, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell.

Okay. That was courtesy of Elizabeth, whose name does not have a trailing H. I hope I'm pronouncing it correctly. At Elizabeth Steps on Twitter, if you have a roast you'd like me to use on Mitch at the top of the show, roastspoonman at gmail.com. So that I'm like Ebenezer Scrooge, but I'm spoo, I'm coming, so I'm staying in my house and coming. What is the point?

Yeah, it's pretty superficial. It's pretty much right on the surface there. Okay. And I sucked it too much. All right. Well, thank you. Merry Christmas to you, Elizabeth. I wanted to do something seasonal.

There were surprisingly few seasonal options in the roast Spoon Man inbox. I thought this one was pretty good. Since the holidays, maybe you just don't do one. Oh, yeah, like I do something, Mary, I said, like, I'm like my gift to you is that I'm not going to roast you. Yeah, something like that. I did that for a whole month and I'm overblissed. Nick George, HW Bush put to rest today.

I know a sad day for you to bring that up right now. I know that you always wanted to go before him, so that's why I think it's a sad day for you. If only I can pass before Bush the senior. How are you doing, Nick? I'm doing well. Yeah. Yeah, you know, this is our final dough boys of 2018 where we're heading towards the finish

line. We have a good guest today who literally just stood up from the table. I think she's about to leave. We were afraid she was about to leave. All right, my nose got a little drippin. I'm going to say how to hoe to Spoon Nation. I can't even look at my guest and here's a drop. This sucks.

Mike, why are you being this way? Because I'm scared. He does it to himself. Can I be honest? Can I say something? Can I be honest? Can I say something that's gross? Please do.

My penis feels weird. It feels numb. It feels numb, but also I don't. But then also there's a burning. All right, that's that. The audio from that. I was like, was that a live episode we did? But no, we recorded that at your place.

It was chicken nugget power. The audio seemed sort of weird there. Maybe it was the Doe Boy special. We recorded my big cavernous apartment. Right. Nick, that was from another Mitch at How Intensive on Twitter. Here's another drop for you. It's 33 seconds long, which is probably three seconds too long

for the tyrannical stick in the mud you have for a co-host. Oh, boy. Calm down, Mitch. Both of you. Mitch, let's introduce our guest. She's an actor and comedian from Rough Breaks the Internet, and I love you, America, with Sarah Silverman. Everyone is now streaming on Hulu.

Sarah Silverman. Hi, Sarah. Hi, Nick. Hi, Mike. Hi. Thank you for doing this. The show. A waste of your time.

It just is. I'm scared. Can I say something, Mike? Yeah. I don't like the way you're talking about my friend, Mike. I really don't. Okay. I appreciate that.

That was like a message. Did you guys see that video of the prison break actor? I'm forgetting the actor's name, but he has this amazing video where he talks about, like, when my friend fucks up. I'm not like, you fuck up. You fucking idiot. This stupid fucking thing you did. But when I fuck up, that's what I do to myself.

And so I learned to comfort myself in the same way I would comfort a friend. And I was like, oh, that's kind of profound. And that's nice advice. Yeah, totally. I think Nick should take that advice about me. Shut up. I played basketball with a guy named Jack. And if you didn't know his name was Jack, you'd be like,

who the fuck is this guy, Jack? And why is this guy screaming at him all the time? Right. Because he'd go, come on, Jack. You're better than that Jack. You know, all through the thing, but he's talking to himself. Right. But he'd just go like, oh my god, who is this Jack?

This guy fucking hates Jack. Yeah, that's weird. He hates himself. Yeah. And it's Jack Nicholson. Yeah, I don't want to be a name. He's such a name. Oh, that's an old joke.

I messed it up. What is the old joke? You know who's the biggest name dropper? Jack Nicholson. I had lunch with him the other day. I like it. Not an old joke. A classic.

It's a classic. Um, Sarah, you're from New Hampshire. You like comedy, Nick at all? It's, it's growing on me. Okay. Go ahead with the New Hampshire. Are you saying that because how has he not heard that joke? Well, I mean, he just, he seems to hate comedy also.

No, I'm on board with comedy again. Um, he's talking about changing fields and doing anything. What did you recently say you would do? You said you would move to some cabin or something. This was off air. Yeah. That was a manifesto. We're not supposed to discuss here.

That was an unrelated. That was my project X. I told you in secret. No, I've had, I've had moments where I've been disillusioned with the, the profession as I'm sure we all have having worked in this field for a number of years, but I'm settled into what I'm doing. Sorry. You hired Nick on, I love you, America.

Any buyers remorse when it comes to that? It'd be funny if I did, but I do not know he made himself far too valuable. Interesting. I'm in a good position. That's too, too kind. And Andrew, I will say that I in my job interview when I met you, I'm famous for spilling. People listen to the podcast know this.

I spilled in the interview. Like it was like the first interaction. You may not remember this, but I went to shake your hand and then they opened a water bottle, like a smart water bottle and just like gushed water all over my, my lap. And you said, ha ha, what an asshole. I did. Yeah.

I think you pointed at me too. No, I wouldn't say ha ha without pointing. I'm like crazy. But that was my first impression. Um, but you're from, you're from New Hampshire. Uh, and, and Mitch is also someone from New England. I'm curious. Yeah, baby.

I'm curious as a MR engineer as well. I'm curious about your regional chain allegiance, specifically Dunkin Donuts is the one that comes to mind. Do you have any, do you have any regional chains of, uh, uh, that are your favorites? Dunkin Donuts is a great example. Um, their coffee alone is like a donut. It is. I mean, you want to get it light and sweet.

Then don't go to Dunkin Donuts. Go to some, some place that makes, you know, where you have to train for six weeks. Yeah. It's, well, when you order just a coffee, a regular coffee. It's light and sweet. Yeah. It's basically with cream and sugar. You say, but you say regular coffee.

You don't say black coffee. Well, obviously black coffee is its own thing. You have to say black coffee. At least you used to have to say black coffee to get a black coffee back in the day. Right. Um, another regional. Oh, sorry. I need to interrupt.

What's happening? I was going to say another regional chain. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Papa Geno's. Yes. Papa Geno's. We've, we've talked, we've talked about this on the podcast.

Interesting. Um, it's, it's, it's going, it closed a bunch of stores. What is that? There's a distant phone. A phone that doesn't, that belongs to none of us. You song. It's nobody's phone. Really weird.

I saw one this came through and my phone's off. Did someone leave a phone here? Mitch, I think it's a. Ghost phone. Say that bullshit. So, so, but Papa Geno's tell me about Papa Geno's. Papa Geno's is great. It was, it was, it's a great, uh, it's a, it's a great pizza.

So I want there is a, my, I had a birthday there as a child. Every birthday there. Every birthday there. And they would have a pin the toppings on the pizza thing where you would, uh, like a pin the tail on the donkey and then you would make. That sounds fun. You would make your, I was just talking to this about someone that you wouldn't, because you could make your own pizza and you,

they would take you in the back and they'd help you make your own pizza. And then how about we put like, you make like a smiley face or a body, mostly like cheese. So I would just, you would just make a shitty cheese pizza and then they would make you a better, but you got to, they take it back there. You'd make it with a guy. It was great fun. Yeah.

Yeah. It's what I knew of Italian food. Right. Italian cuisine. Right. Wearing, wearing a New Hampshire. Did you, did you grow up? Or is that, is that a weird?

I would not say that. Do you still have family there? You're, you're riddled with second guessing. I'm going home down Bedford, New Hampshire. Bedford. Okay. Yeah. Bedford is, uh, is that near Lake Winnipesaki?

I mean, it's, it's a, you know, I don't know, an hour or something. Oh, okay. No, I, I live closer to Boston than like Winnipesaki. Oh, okay. Whoa. I live, um, I, we, it's like between Manchester and Nashua and Lowell. Like, you know where the fighter took place? Yes.

It's 20 minutes from there. Yeah. Okay. All right. I know. I know. I know the, I know. Yeah.

Mitch knows where the fighter took place. Not quite as rough. I think, I think the fighter was filmed in his childhood home. Right. Do I know someone from the fighter? Oh, uh, the fighter is, uh, is what's his name? It's the, uh, it's, I have met, I've met the guy, I've met the guy from. You met the actual fighter.

Yes. I've met the fighter. Not Christian Bale, but the guy he portrays. Yes. Wait. Not the Christian, Mark Wahlberg portrays Christian. Yeah. Christian Bale is the brother, right?

The brother. And I love a good. Fuck up brother movie. I've met both. How fun are those? I met both those guys because they, uh, one of them trained my friend Chris Tritey for real. Well, that's really cool.

Yeah. A tough, a stronger man than I, you know, the professional boxer is a stronger man than you. I did, I, but I went to boxing once and they were like, all right, get on your tippy toes and like you go around the ring, like as a warm up, you just move around and then I did it. I did one full circle around the ring and I was winded and I like couldn't do it. The easiest warm up.

Right. And I, and I tapped out basically. It's tough, Cardi. I've never done any of that. Like I did a little bit of like Muay Thai when I was much younger and I did some karate when I was a kid, but I have like, it's been years since I've done any sort of, of, of fighting. So have you ever done any martial arts?

No. Yeah. None at all. Not even like a boxing class. I took a boxing class. Got it. It was great. I was like, I'm going to do this every, I'm going to, this is my new workout boxing.

Right. I did a little bit about boxing and then I just never did it again. Right. No reason. Yeah. I was most of what I know is from the fighter for boxing. For me, it's Mike Tyson's punch out for any S. That's where I learned all my skills. The kind of like a glass Joe kind of guy.

I actually thought I looked like glass Joe. That's what I'm saying. You do kind of look like. Yeah. Kind of got his vibe. Hey, you know, if they have their cast of the movie, maybe I could be the guy that he knocks out immediately. Throw my hat in the ring.

I'll get the shit beaten out of me by a little Mac. So, so beyond from being from New Hampshire, one other thing about you is that you are Sarah to completely baffled and checked out at our references. We're talking about Nintendo games from 30 years ago that no one cares about. Do you as a, I know you're a vegetarian and a long time vegetarian. I'm curious as to what was your original motivation? Have you ever strayed and how do you like, how is eating evolved over the years? Cause I think I'm being a vegetarian in 2018 in LA is probably, there's a lot of places

that are minimal to this, but there were times in your life where maybe it was a little bit tougher. What has that journey been for you? The journey is I, in Bedford, New Hampshire, we lived next to the like main farm that was not just produce, but meat. Right. When I was six, my dad took me to pick out our Thanksgiving turkey and I, he let me point to the turkey I wanted.

And then the farmer Vic Villano just picked him up, just chopped his head off. Oh my God. And I, I couldn't believe it. And that's when I realized that that's what the turkey that we eat at Thanksgiving was. So then I didn't eat any turkey that night. And then it took me like another couple of years to realize like happy meals was that and other meat, you know, right? And so I just stopped eating it.

And then we, I remember we were at Kentucky fried chicken and everyone was yelling out their orders. And then I just said, um, I'll have the biscuits. And then my dad took me to set me down at a little table for two in the front there. And he goes, all right, let's just admit that you're a vegetarian and figure out what you can eat. And that was it. Wow.

That's so nice. Do you think he regretted all taking you to see the turkey? I asked him, like, what were you thinking? Cause I know like for a lot of people, you go one way or the other with it. Like to him, it was like, ooh, fresh meat. Right. But I just was like, what were you thinking? And he always just goes, I have no fucking idea.

The name, the name of the farmer, Vic Villano, that's that, that's stuck with you really feels like that's such a flashball memory sort of detail. Well, I mean, they were our next door neighbors. The Villano's farm is like, you know, you drive by and it says kukes, corn, you know, whatever they have for the day. Right. I was going to say Vic Villano sounds like it sounds like a crash bandicoot game or something.

If the farm was in a, if it was a DreamWorks movie, right, he would be, he would be Villano who would be the main guy. That's great. That's a perfect. Did you ever see that movie chicken run? I did not. No. I like chicken run.

It's like one of those, what the Wallace and Gromit guys called it's the Wallace and Gromit guys, whatever they're called. But the, is this a top three movie for you? Would you say? Not a top three movie. Top 100. Not top 100 is even pushing it. It's a good movie.

It's a movie I enjoyed. Well, you backed off of that. Look, it was pretty direct to what you were saying. It's an animated movie about chickens escaping a farm where they're going to be slaughtered. Anyway, so, so you're a vegetarian now. Would like, have you ever straight at any point? Not on purpose. One time I was eating pizza and someone said, oh, there's hamburger and there's like hamburger

like under the cheese. Oh, they do that. Sometimes. Who the hell does? Who they do? They hide under the pizza. I guess in like Detroit or something. I've seen that.

But yeah, there's a place in Long Beach that they grind up the pepperoni and like put it in with a sauce. And so like, it's like, yeah, it is a little fucked up. I'll also like, I try not to have any like gelatin because that's so gross to me. But yeah, I definitely go that route with Nyquil. I don't drink the liquid. I take the capsules even though it's gelatin. Oh, those have gelatin.

The capsules are made with gelatin. It's so gross. No idea. The liquid is made with gelatin. No, the capsules are made with gelatin. And I could just drink the liquid, but that's how much I don't want to drink the liquid. Oh, well, you hate the taste of it? Yeah.

The green? Yeah. The green is very, is too minty. I turned them into jello. I put them in my fridge and turned them into Nyquil shots, basically. Is that true? Oh, that would be so genius. I probably could do that.

Yeah. I mean, I wonder if it would freeze. I kind of like the liquid. Like I kind of like the, the syrup going down because it's like so thick and like throat coating. I feel like that's part of the medicine. I know you like that. It's like, well, do you guys like coating?

I kind of like coating when you get syrup. You like, you like drank? Basically, not drank. I'm not saying I drink scissor. I'm saying like I just have a prescription for coating. And when my cough gets bad, I take a little teaspoon full, a modest teaspoon. I've seen, I've seen your cough before. You have, you have a heck of a cough, you like really will, you really will go at it

when you have a cough. I'm an, I'm an asthmatic. And when I get like bronchitis or something and exacerbates it, it gets really bad. So. Mike. Jesus, sorry. That was something you need to apologize for, but yeah, that's the reason I, I have such a, a, a worrisome cough when it, when it gets agitated.

So, so have you ever found any trouble like when you were, you know, when you were a kid, when you were in college, when you were, when you were starting out, where was there ever and stand up, was there ever a period where like being a vegetarian was like, man, it's really fucking hard to find something to eat. I think no, because I eat cheese and eggs and I, so I mean pizza, I can eat lots of, I mean, I, I eat cereal and pizza. I mean, I'm not a hard, difficult vegetarian in that way. I shouldn't probably eat this, that stuff, but I'm not, I try to eat healthy, but you

know, now especially, but mostly I just like, I would just, when I was growing up, I mean, when I was like coming up in New York, I would just eat pizza and cereal. I would mix flour, water and sugar and put it in the toaster oven and eat that. That sounds fucking great. And it was, no, it wasn't like, I was so poor, I had to do that. It was, I loved it and like Entenmann's cakes. Right. Oh my God.

Entenmann's. What years were you on SNL? I, I have, I have, I, because for me, a very interesting food thing, you're in lunch Ladyland. I am. I'm chop suey. You're chop suey. Yes. Uh, which is to me is, that's like one of the coolest things that's such a great, I mean,

it's one of my favorite moments in my life, maybe I, I love that. Seeing Sarah's chop suey, the ladies catch. How is that? Was that a fault? Because that, that's one of the most famous food songs, Nick, that there is. You know, I'm going to be honest. I have no recollection of it, but I do know that I'm chop suey in it because people have told me.

Yeah. And you're wearing like a bit. I'm wearing a whole costume. I guess I vaguely remember it, but I don't really remember it. Yeah. But, um, yeah, that's a good one. Yeah. I love all his songs.

He's great. I love his songs too. Oh man. I'm a Sandler Defender. Defender? Well, a lot of people are mean to him. There is. So there is, I feel like there's been some Sandler blowback.

There's like, there's like younger people and younger people. Now I sound like an insane, crotchety old man, but there, there's younger, you're getting there. There's a younger generation who make fun. They all give Sandler shit. And I think he's great. I love him. And, and, and, and I don't understand that they're, they're, they're, uh, enjoying comedians

who are wildly influenced by Adam Sandler while they're shitting on him. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And I like, I don't know. I have said it before, I'll say it again and growing up stewie through a shack, throws a guy over a house. It's very funny.

It is funny. There's a lot of stuff in his, in his later movies and I think people are really hard on his later movies. He's a quality of, I would say he's a quality of life guy. Like, you know, he can make a, you know, he'll do punch, drunk love, sure, here and there or something like that, but mostly he likes to make stuff that makes him and his friends laugh with his friends and all of his friends are in all of his movies and like it works for him.

Yeah. I love it. Got to respect it. Yeah. I respect it. Big time. Of all the people who are Jewish. The Hanukkah song.

And also, yeah, the Hanukkah song and also just his fame has brought so much positive energy towards Jews where people did not like, you know, aren't prone to loving Jews. You may be a little more open to that at a time when now we're in a new time where people aren't crazy about Jews, but, you know, growing up in New Hampshire, you know, I, you know, where I like, I learned that Jews were cheap because kids threw like pennies at my feet when I'd get on the bus. It wasn't that bad. Like the same kid, Matt Italia, who did that, then he was like my boyfriend in third grade

after. I mean, they don't even know what it means, you know, but I was like, what is that? And they're like, oh, because Jews are cheap. Yeah. Stuff like that. Or like my friend's parents would always go like, what's New York like, or are you from New York? And I'd be like, what's New York?

I'm from here. But now as an adult, I realized, right, they just thought like, oh, Jewish people are from New York. Yeah. Oh, that's crazy. New England was a, it was a different place back in the day, Nick. It is weird to think of that because it is like, you know, I think, I think New England gets lumped in as part of like this coastal liberal bubble or New Hampshire specifically.

But I think like there are parts of New England that are like, just as there are parts of California that are like rural or like, you know, that there aren't particularly diverse. And so it is like a different sort of chunk of America than I think people have this perception of. No, New Hampshire is not liberal for the most part. No, right. No. Emma's from New Hampshire as well.

You are? Wait, have we talked about this? I don't know. I grew up in Exeter. So not too far from here. Oh, Exeter. Yeah. Nice.

I was excited when I was from, I'm from Quincy, Mass. No, I was. I love Quincy because I love the soft S. It's a, we pronounce it bad. We pronounce it wrong. We say cute. We pronounce it with a Z. Yeah, you've really no one. You've really gotten on me before because I say I'll say Quincy like you don't say Jones

or, you know, it's actually John Quincy Adams, not John Quincy Adams, even though the town is his name. No, but no, but the he had the family pronounced it Quincy. Oh, they did. Yes. Oh, okay. Yeah, asshole. I did not know that.

I thought that was just classic like Boston accent. I thought so too. That's bad. Yeah. Like, oh, I don't know what I was going to say. I just went right out of my neck. I'm so afraid of going senile. I'm so scared.

I feel like it's creeping up on me. Nick and I have talked about that already. My brain has gotten worse. Yeah. Do you guys, I've started, I've noticed I've started, I have mutter now. I didn't used to mutter. And I just like, yeah, just like I'll be walking someplace and I'll just be sort of saying like, like, like, that's not what I would do.

I'm doing fucking. Jesus. I'm like, I'm just like. Like Milton. Yeah. He's turning into Milton from office space. And I was like, oh, wait, I'm muttering and I can stop myself. But it's like a second.

It's like unconscious for a second. It's really strange. Margaret does have his red stapler on the table. I know what I was going to say. It wasn't that good. Let's hear it. No. Just like the town.

I'm from Manchester where I'm where the school was. Everyone. It's very French Canadian, but it's like all the French is taken out of it. Right. So it's like Shelly Bienvenue and, you know, a Lisa Bedad, right? You know, just with a very like a Boston accent. You know what I think? I think Manchester should be renamed person Chester.

Oh, boy. Thanks. You're such an ally. Oh, boy. Oh, God, it's like your uncle has a little too much wine and makes that joke. Sarah, the as as someone who is Jewish or grew up, you know, I wrote for a spoof miss. I did the. You know, he has the Hanukkah song.

I did the Christmas song where I named old people that were a cat. I like you just said spoof miss with no context for anybody. Yeah. It's just no nationwide. But do you think anyone here spoof miss and goes, what's that? I mean, probably about 80 pedantic Twitter commenters will. What's spoof miss? Yeah.

The the so like you grew up Jewish, I know you're not practicing now, but as someone who is immersed in the culture and it is the Hanukkah season, do you have any any Jewish American treats, any any food of sort that like you're a fan of potato pancakes? Because yeah, I like a ladka. But I mean, it's they're like if I'm going to eat greasy deep fried food, I mean, it's just like the hash brown from McDonald's or like that's what wait, because yeah, that's what they are. They're they're exactly like hash McDonald's hash brown.

Right. Yeah. You know, I like to like if I'm going to like really eat something shitty, it's probably going to be something else. But I like them. All right. Wait, am I confusing ladka? You know, that's right.

No, yeah. I'm thinking of Kanishk, Jewish food. I like straight up matzo with butter. Oh, interesting. Yeah. I could do that. I could do that too much. Can you do a matzo ball soup?

No. It's also that pasty stuff I like, like the way I would eat flour and water. Can you do matzo ball soup with the vegetable broth or something? Yes. Yeah. It's so weird that matzo ball soup is made with chicken stock because that makes it not kosher, I think, but that's always made that way. Yeah.

But if you or if I get it from Manushevitz brand, it's not. It's a it's vegan or it's vegetarian as eggs, you know, but and so I love it. I love it. There's a place in LA that has a really has a vegan ruben and I'm trying to remember where it is real food deli. Oh, okay. I think. Yeah.

That's probably it. That's probably it. I'm pretty positive. What do they do with the vegan ruben? It's like a fake meat. Yeah. I think it's a meat cheese, but it's still like it's a it's a pretty close simulation of the the real thing.

I've never tried one. Oh, interesting. I always go full ruben. Nick and I have a critique of Hanukkah and go on the first night. Let's air this out. Also, thanks for attaching my name to this. You agreed with me. I do.

I brought this up yesterday. The first night, Evan Susser, who's a friend of the podcast, sent us a picture of them lighting the menorah and well, it wasn't his menorah. It was a wrestler, David Starr. Oh, that's right. It was wrestler David Starr's menorah. Yeah. Um, uh, you on the first night of Hanukkah, you should just write light the one.

It should just be one, uh, candle that is lit. There are two candles lit on the first night. I know. That's that's our critique, though. I can help you here. The one middle one is higher than the other ones. Yeah. I don't know what the symbolism is or anything like that, but that's like, uh, what you

light the candles with. Yeah. So you're not just lighting it with a match or whatever. You like, that's the, that's the match that doesn't count as a candle. And that, and that was, that represents the eight days or eight nights or whatever. But, but I would say. My parents were atheists are and were. So I, you know, we didn't really, we did light this thing cause it's like a fun thing

to do with your kids. Yeah. That seems fun. But a big ceremonial light of the first candle seems fun to me. That's my Hanukkah critique critique where you could, you do the one candle first. Yeah. What is that first candle lighting like? Is that just kind of informal or I, sorry, it's not the candle, whatever the thing is

called the candle. Oh, the, the one you like trying to put it in a perspective that makes him understand it. Right. It is two candles. Yes. It's two candles, but the one middle candle is the one that you light the candles with. So you don't count that as a day.

So that's not the, okay, the ninth holder. This is the one in the middle is called the Shamash apparently. So that one. But is there any ceremony involved with lighting that you remember? There is. Oh, just when you do the whole lighting of it, you sing this thing, Shamai Israel, Adonai Elohenu Eloha, Adonai Echad, no, Adonai, is that right? And then you say something like Baruch Atah, Adonai Elohenu Melcholomah, Sherriketishanah,

Burmese Fetah, Vitevanah, Lahar, Lignar, Shell, Hanukkah. I can't believe I know that. I don't know why I know it. I don't know what it, oh, and it means blessed, Lord our God, King of the universe, who let us light the Hanukkah lights. It's basically not, it doesn't say a lot. I like, I like that. All right.

Then I'm okay with it. I'm fine with it. I just want a more ceremony from the middle candle. That's all. I mean, you know what you could do is the night before the first night of Hanukkah, light that middle candle. That's right. That's true.

I like that. So it's just already pre-lit. You don't have to worry about it. All right. We fixed this millennium's old religious tradition. Who do I have to tell, who do I have to tell about this to make it, to put it into effect? Jewish Pope? The Jewish Pope.

Yeah. Steve. Can you hear Mary's wheezing? I can feel it. Mary, your dog sitting on your lap. I can't, I can't hear it on the microphone. Yeah. Did she, did you have some sort of breathing obstruction?

Yes. So I can feel it. My cat's, Wally, my cat has, he can breathe a little, maybe it's just the L.A. air or something. I don't know. Maybe these pets are just reacting to being around a bad podcast. This show sucks. Yeah.

It's like our equivalent of it. Yeah. Which we also hear a lot of. Yeah. So Sarah, you're also a, a, a tea toller. You, you're not someone who drinks alcohol. Has this always been a practice? Did you have a point where you're just sort of like, I'm, I'm done with alcohol?

I mean, I've definitely tried several occasions, like my college aged years when my friends were in college, I would, I would drink beer, you know, chug it down, get it down. One time I got really drunk from it at Phoebe's in Bowery, East Village. And I remember walking down the street, we were walking to our weed connection on St. Mark's and I was like, I felt like a king. I felt like, like I just had this, I loved this feeling of drunk so much. And then we went to our weed dealer and we smoked a blunt and I threw up all over the back area there of their record store.

Oh man. And, um, The combination of the two is never, that's never good. Yeah. And then they had a pit bull and they just brought it in and it ate it. Oh my God. That's how they cleaned it up. You know what I think?

They just carried me into a cab. You know what I'm thinking? I got to get myself a pit bull. I mean, it's so gross. Sounds like kind of a Roomba situation. I'm going to be honest, the pit bull seemed to love it. I mean, I bet. I'm using Hog Heaven.

But yeah, I mean, I've, I've drank stuff like pina colada, like a frozen pina colada. Sure. It's delicious. For a while I could have a, um, what's the one that is, it's such an old lady drink. It's like grapefruit juice, vodka, and, uh. A Greyhound? No. A Paloma?

No, not a Cape Codder, not a, it has cranberry juice and grapefruit juice and vodka. Um. Seabreeze. A Seabreeze. Seabreeze. Seabreeze. Seabreeze. And I would drink one and be wasted.

Oh, wow. But it always ended up with me being very nauseous and so it just never was worth it. Yeah. If it's not a pleasant experience, I mean, why bother? Yeah. Um, so, so what do you like? Like let's say you go out to a nice restaurant, you go out to get a nice Italian dinner or something like that.

Like what is your beverage of choice? Pappuccinos. Uh. You go to Pappuccinos. I like a nice ginger ale with some drops of bitters in it. Ooh. That's nice. I just know you can kind of booze it up a little, like you like make it kind of like

a mocktail. That's fun. Like you're kind of like the opposite of a T-Total. Do you like booze? I do like to drink alcohol, but Mitch, Mitch tries to act like I'm a functional alcoholic because I have a... He's shaking basically right now. I don't have the DT shivers.

Um, I have a, uh, no, I, I, I get, I, I like an occasional alcoholic drink. I'll take, I'll take like a bourbon or a glass of red wine to calm my nerves at the end of the day. I've had moments where I've had a little too much to drink, like a lot of people. And the start of the day. I don't come to work lit up. I don't drink. And the, oh, sometimes I'll have like, if it's like a fun day, it's like a, I'll have

like a brunch day, a drink, but I actually don't like being drunk during the daytime. On season three of I Love You, Mark, he should get a breathalyzer for Nick and the Moana. See if he registers. Mitch, you out drink me when we go on to sort of drinking situations, you out drink me by a good margin. Nick was just on a power hour where, um, he, he told me, he, he, he texted me and said that he drank, was it six beers in the hour? Yeah.

It's, it's, uh, we, you drink one shot of his, our buddy, John Gabriel says podcast high and mighty. We did a, uh, we did a power hour, we drink one shot of beer every minute for one hour, which totals up to, I think if you do the ounces, it's like five beers in one hour. It's a lot of liquid. And you drank about six beers and you texted me that I think I, I had done the same thing without a, some show. You just did it on your own.

You also admitted on that, that you fucked an apple. All right. We don't need to get into this. Oh, I would love to hear about this. This was like, it was when I was, uh, I was a kid and, uh, I was reading that, do you know, I've heard that book, tropic of cancer. It's a Henry Miller book. It's like, just bought it oddly weird.

There's a, it's like a very, it's like all first person and it's, I autobiographical and it's got some very ribald sections, um, including a part where, uh, so a friend tells him about like fucking an apple and says it'll drive you wild for a couple of weeks. Uh, so I tried it. I mean, it's, I probably, the apple I chose was too mealy, um, but, uh, it was, it was, it was not fucking an apple. There's so many other things to fuck. I, I was fixing, you know, vertically, like the core, you had to core.

And actually this was a little, because I had to kind of trace around the perimeter with a knife, which was a little perilous. And on hindsight, I shouldn't have done that met. I should have like traced a ring with a pen and then done it with a knife separately. I like this. This will be a lot of first time listeners to the podcast. And they'll be hearing this story of how you fucked an apple. Didn't you said that, didn't you say that you, you, you, it broke apart as you finished

and you felt like a king or something? I was too, like, as I was approaching my final thrust side, like, yeah, I hit it with enough intensity for to break into three separate pieces. Wow. That does feel, that must feel pretty good. I mean, it's, yeah, I got a question. Did you eat it? No, I didn't eat the, I eat the fuck apple.

I threw it away. I just, like the inside of an apple is not particularly viscous at all. That it wasn't, it's not the best choice of fruit and it's odd that the, that that's the one they specified, but I wanted to try it. You de-seedled it and then you filled it back up with seeds, huh? Yeah, look at that. That was good. So as a, so you don't drink alcohol, but you are a, you are a fan of the drug of marijuana.

And as a, a marijuana enthusiast, just like me, buddy. Oh, fucking Jesus. Do you know that Nick, he can't, he's smoked multiple times and like has barely gotten high because he can't, what do you, you can't swallow the smoke. What is your deal? You can't inhale the smoke into you. There's some weird thing. I just have trouble.

I just don't quite register as high for whatever reason. I've tried it with the vape. The vape I can get, the vape I can get in, the smoke I can get in. Like I, I mean, I used to smoke cigarettes. So I know how to get smoke into my lungs. Yeah. For a brief period. It was a very bad idea.

Yeah. It was like, I was, I was like 2021 and then I quit after like six months. Um, but, uh, but yeah, but yeah, I just, I don't feel the high effect that much. Also, part of it is like when I have marijuana, it's usually in combination with alcohol. So I, I, I got isolated at some point and just sort of see what that's like. Um, but, uh, which we did a little bit. I did a little, we had John Gaberson.

I missed around with it a little bit. I felt something. Wait, you're saying that you've always been, you've always had drinks when you've smoked marijuana. It's usually like a party situation where like someone's got a joint. They're passing around and I'm getting, look, anyway, this is, this is a, this is a side thing. Uh, the, uh, so I know you're someone who likes marijuana.

Do you like, what do you, how do you approach? Uh, like, are you someone who's a, who, who likes edibles at all? How do you like to consume it? I do like edibles, but I need to like really plan it out. Right. Exactly. Like, and the amount to take and you, I used to say like, I couldn't have like planned the next day.

Like, you know, interesting. But, um, now I've, I feel like I've fine tuned it enough that Mary's licking her asshole. Oh, there she goes. Yeah. She's really going for it. Oh, just standing, lifting a leg and licking her asshole. Nick knows that move.

All right. And now she's just looking, she's just staring right at us. Like, yeah, I did that. So I, cause I've never had, I've never had edibles. Like, like what is the, why, why is it such a thing that can be debilitating? Why can't it like knock you out? It's fantastic. I mean, I've got edibles in my kitchen there that is like, it's so strong.

It's a chocolate. Like you can only eat the tiniest little bite of it. Right. And then once it, like I'll have it at night and then it will hit me and I'll be like, Oh my God, you know, I never really got over that fun. Like, it's happening for some reason right before you feel it. And I feel this way with, I haven't had a hallucinogenal very long time, but I always felt this way with hallucinogens.

Did I say that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is right before you get high, you have the thought, uh, I'm not high. Yeah. Oh, interesting. And that's, but it's that thought comes into your head right as it takes hold. Yes. That's, it's, it's always, I don't, I don't do any of that.

I don't, I used to all the time and I, and I used to do stuff like that, but I, I can't do them anymore, but I have a funny story about Dave Ferguson. We went to a show head writer for the first area show head writer for Sarah show. He, I mean, Davis seems like a good old boy. He doesn't seem like, and so we got these, well, not a good old boy. It was a very, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah.

Sorry, that is very specific. I got to do it was the four. He seems like a good boy. He seems like a good boy. It was the 420 show at UCB and we got, there was like Listerine edibles that were like, and Dave are strong and they all melted. So Dave took him back to his, to his house where he lived with all the birthday boys and he, and he took them, but they had melted together.

Oh wow. And then he told, so this is supposed to be like 10 doses and it's like merged into one. And he told, okay, he had to go to the hospital. Oh yeah. The first, when I got, I first got those, those are like the first things that came out, like when stores opened and stuff, and I gave one to Rob Schraub. Yeah.

And I hadn't tried mine yet. And then I got all these texts from Rob, but they were from his now wife, Kate, who was like, this is Kate writing into Rob's phone. And he wants me to tell you that it's dangerous and don't do it. And like, I guess he was freaking out and having a similar experience. But I find half of one of those is a delight. Even, even just a thought of that, it gives me a panic attack. I can't even.

The one time I had some with, when I was dating, oh, Kyle Dunnigan, who is the year before you, and we both ate edibles in New York. And then we went out to a nice dinner and he maybe had wine with it. And I never think to say, like, I think if you mix it, it's too much because I don't know. Yeah. And we were sitting there and he just went out of nowhere. Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no.

I go, what is it? He goes, I'm not okay. I, I'm not okay. And I said, um, she's reacting like you're saying, I'm not okay. I'm fine. I was just pretending, buddy. And, uh, uh, I said, do you want to go outside and I'll, you know, take care of the, I'll deal with everything here.

And he goes, yeah. So then I, I walk outside and he's lying on the sidewalk face down. And I go, Kyle, are you okay? And he goes, people are just walking by me. I go, I know. And then I, I got him up on the, on a bench and then I flagged down a cab and the cab stopped and I start helping Kyle walk towards the cab. And the cab driver sees Kyle and just leaves.

He was like, no way. Cause it looked like he was maybe drunk or something to throw up. But once I got him back to the hotel, he was okay. Man, that sounds like a nightmare. That's what, cause I, every time I've heard so many edible stories like that and it just scares me off. And I also hear like two, like, here's my thing about edibles. If it's like a, the people like it's like a cookie and then there's like,

oh, you should only have like an eighth of that cookie. The one cookie should be the size of the edible. Like make it, make this like, like, if it's like a fun size candy bar you get for Halloween, that should be the, the, the dosage. You shouldn't have to do some sort of math to like carve it into thirds. I, I, I just going to say that I don't think you should ever eat edibles. I probably won't. Especially because you started, you've started to mutter to yourself.

I disagree. I think a five milligram edible could be, you might really love. If that's like a low dosage, yeah, like one of the blueberry is nodding along. Just write the blueberries are the best. Okay. Maybe I'll give a blue. My parents have like them. Whoa.

Very cool. I think my parents have smoked more weed than me. I think that's probably, they were like hippies. I'm certain they've experienced that. We did a live show in San Diego. I met Nick's parents and my brother and your, and your brother, your, your cooler brother, older brother, Nate, my brother's an alpha male. He, he's an alpha male.

Yeah. And he, and he was like, bro, that show was awesome. I was, and, and I, I loved him. I, I was very excited. Yeah. You guys, you guys get along with, we, we got along great. What does he do? He works for Amazon.

Did he like your monologue? I don't know if you saw it. Of course he did. What am I saying? But I also liked that. You spent about the same amount of time with your family as I did. And you, he was, Nick treats, he treated his family like he would treat us after a show where he's like, I got to take off after like three minutes.

He was gone. We had to drive back to San Diego that night. It was, it was, to drive back from San Diego to LA that night. It's like a two hour drive. I was sleepy and it was very late. But I, but I, I, I'm seeing my, and I'm seeing my family very soon again anyway for a, a holiday gathering. Oh, in three weeks for Christmas, you're saying?

Very soon. Yeah. Yeah. All right. That's like, I was like, I knew another meetup was two weeks away. So we said, we said, hello's. It was nice. I would like to have spent more time with him, of course, but yeah, sure.

You accept your brother. I like my brother. We get along, brother rules. We get along famously. The alpha wire. I need to be listening. He, Nate, you should be in comedy. Nick should be, I don't know.

He should be dead buried in the same coffin as George HW. So beyond the, so beyond edibles, what everyone associates with marijuana food wise is the munchies. Do you have a munchies go to? Oh gosh. Um, yeah, I like to make myself popcorn and I make it perfectly. Hmm. Wait, give everyone your popcorn recipe because I know we, I know we have

some listeners will be interested. I will. And I will tell you that I learned this from on YouTube. So it's not like some original father, but, uh, I put like a, a tablespoon of olive oil or a grape seed oil I use now, whatever oil you like. And then here's the trick. Three kernels only, only three kernels. And you put it on a six, don't even take it out.

That's the only heat you're going to need six. You wait for those kernels to pop, then you take it off the heat, add the rest of the kernels, like two thirds of a cup and keep it off the heat for 30 seconds. What this do does is it forms an equilibrium of the heat in the kernels. Then you put it back on the heat. Five minutes later, you got every kernel popped. I love it. And also now we don't, you don't have to go through every YouTube video

there ever we got the, that's, that's, it's going to be hard to find that recipe. Anyways, yeah, log off of YouTube. You don't need one thing. You're watching a popcorn tutorial next thing. It's auto-playing a Ben Shapiro monologue. We'll take a break. We'll be back with more dough boys. Welcome back to dough boys.

We're here with Sarah Silverman at last covering McDonald's breakfast. We got you pranked, totally pranked. We got them good. Why did we do, why do we do this? Why do we mislead people? Let them think it was a full McDonald's review and we're just doing breakfast. Yeah, yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

Good. We wanted to hemorrhage listeners. So I want to say something quick. I'm not mad, Mitch. I came in, I came in for a, for I love you. Oh, you can, you can move that. We, we, we wrestle around with them all the time. I came in for, I love you, American for, to, for the retreat, the retreat.

And then everyone was like, this guy can't be around people. Let's get them out of here. But this was prior to the first season. They have a lot of shows have like a writers retreat. Well, they'll bring the new writers in and some other people just to sort of like bring out a little bit and get to know each other. But interesting fact, I told you this before, I found out that Osama bin Laden was killed from you.

Whoa, on stage. That's right. You told, you told a crowd of people to go back to the earlier in the episode with George, but I'm not relating the two of them. I'd rest in peace to God. You did this to yourself. I did this to myself, forget everything I just said, but I heard, I heard that he had been killed through, through you on stage, which is a very like

that's like one of the, the, do you remember where you were moments? Yeah, I always remember because it was like 805 or something. And I looked on Twitter and it said it and then went on stage and I said it. But what I didn't realize was I had. I had an app called Twitter later that I did my Twitter from at the time and you could you could like time out. You could pre like schedule, tweet, right. And I had for some reason scheduled to tweet for like 815.

So like, well, everyone's just only talking about Osama bin Laden. Yeah. All of a sudden I'm like, why are my dog's poops come out cold? That could have been worse. I don't know why that was scheduled. It was a different time. People didn't really know what Twitter was back then. The, the that's like, so this was the equivalent.

This was like you, you were basically John Cena at Extreme Rules announcing it to the crowd, except you were at the UCB theater, like doing a show telling 90 people. That's right. He did. Yeah. John Cena announced that the rock had the info early, like he told everyone on Twitter, like something big's coming just so you know, like he announced it before, like the president did.

I was, I remember a bizarre thing. It was so weird. I was, this is, this is like very dumb. But I was at a, I was coaching an improv rehearsal when I found out. So I was like, it was like the nerdiest, dorkiest, lamest possible thing. Like I was the person paid to watch people do improv in a living room so they could practice so they get reps for on stage. And we're just about to start the start.

We're just about to do a practice show when one of the guys, Clay Larson, actually got a text and was like, it was like, guys, Osama Bin Laden just got killed and they're like, all right. And then, and then I had them do a Herald weird moment in time, which they will maybe, maybe they won't remember where they were. Cause that sounds like a moment. Yeah. They all lie about it.

Oh yeah. I was at the movies. So, uh, so I was fucking an apple. Anything less embarrassing. So did you, did you, did you, do you have a, did you fuck a, uh, celebration apple or no, I did it once when I was 17, probably also still too old. Yeah. Have you go to, have you go to a Ralph's in Santa Monica?

They are apple less. I would say try like, I remember seeing something online about a great fruit. That, yeah, that, that, like, I mean, some, something, I mean, I'd worry about the citrus stinging, but I don't have open cuts, right, which he does. I guess your penis whole. Yeah. That would, but that's what I would worry about. Anything gets in there.

It can be, uh, can be perilous. Um, cut even, even just water apparently. Hey, I've cast, I've passed a kidney stone before, you know this. Yeah, I do know that. I passed a kidney stone with Harris. We went to Coachella and he threw his back out and I passed a kidney stone. Wow. It was terrible.

Double whammy was a terrible experience throughout the, the entire thing. It was, it was awful, but how is DJ shadow fucking knocked it out of the speaking of Harris? Yes, his one of his favorite. We both knew the, the lad we were, we were friends with him. One of his favorites, we've talked about this before. He probably would have done, he would have done. He liked a Taco Bell.

He liked Taco, but he loved him. McDonald's was, I think I, his, a two cheeseburger meal and, and, uh, McNuggets. I mean, he also ate like shit, right? He, he really ate terribly, uh, he did, and also his idea. I remember like we, I went over his house one time and he, he was exercising and, and he was riding his bike down the hill and then walking it up and I was like, what is, what is this?

What is this exercise? He just was like riding his bike down almost like there's no, you don't pedal. I mean, you just, it's like riding, it's like riding a Disney ride and you went down the hill and then would walk it up and that was his workout. It's like what a kid would do on their street for fun. Yeah. Just coast downhill and walk it back. Yeah, that's what's sledding.

Sledding. Yeah. He was basically sledding. Yeah. He was West coast sledding, uh, but he loved, he was a big fan of McDonald's. We probably would have, would have had him on to do McDonald's at some point. Uh, and that's all. I just want to bring him up.

That's his dad's name right there. Yes. Up on your wall. Yeah. Very cool. This is an episode where we had a, a mayor, um, got impeached because he got caught doing coke off of a gerbil's tits and you can see in the picture that's him doing that.

I named him Mayor Ellis and Whittles. Uh, he was a great guy and he loved McDonald's. I remember after a big comedy show, he brought back a bunch of like cheese burgers. Were you there? Nick, you didn't go. Obviously. Yeah. I didn't hang after the show.

So you didn't go a bunch of cheeseburgers and nuggets and stuff. Always a great, I think it's always to this day, a great, a real crowd pleaser. Yeah. Show up with some McDonald's or Taco Bell. You'll make a, you'll be friends with everybody. So Sarah, I'm curious because, you know, McDonald's is a, uh, uh, an American icon. Um, I'm curious about your general thoughts on McDonald's outside of breakfast. And also too, I know that, uh, your, uh, your dad has an affinity for McDonald's

chocolate shakes and I'm curious about your take on that. Um, I'm, I also enjoy a McDonald's chocolate shake. Um, who does, they're great. Yeah. You'd have to be an American, I guess to, uh, I prefer vanilla. Oh, I like to put my french fries in my vanilla shake. I do like to do that. I know that is delicious.

I set it with a voice so you can be little anything. We planted tree in Israel. I like that too. Um, what was the question? What, how do you feel about McDonald's in general and, and how about the shakes? Well, I grew up loving McDonald's and of course the happy meals. I think I, happy meals started when I was little. And, you know, that was always exciting.

Right. There's a toy involved. They're great. They have apples as an option now, which I think is bullshit. Well, cause in case Nick wants to fuck it. I'm not getting a meal for a child and fucking the side. Let's take it easy. Which child are you getting it for is the question?

They're apple slices anyway. It wouldn't work. Yeah. They're apple slices. That is true. Is that why you have masking tape in your car? All right. Oh, this is one of my favorite stories.

My sister, um, my oldest sister, Susie, who is now a rabbi. She, um, when she got her license, she was so excited she wanted to drive. So she took me. So I was probably, I was nine and, um, she took me to McDonald's drive through and I got a shake. I think I told the story and I'm sure in the room, but, um, I was, I was sitting in the back seat for some reason, my, I had to sit in the back seat if I was going to go in the car with her, which is ridiculous.

Cause like we didn't even have seatbelts in the back seat. And I was doing that thing with a straw where he lifted up and down, right? You know, so it was like going like, and my sister screamed and then she turned back and she goes, Oh my God. I said, what did you think it was? And she said, I thought it was a clown laughing. I thought you were going to say that she thought like you were choking or something. She thought it was a clown laughing like a killer clown had wedged his

way into the back seat of the car. That's wild. Yeah. Of course that's wild. It's wild. Do you, so, uh, so McDonald's breakfast started in 1972. First menu item was the egg McMuffin. They went all day in 2015.

Sarah, you told me the all day breakfast was a thing you were in favor of. I was so excited because obviously I love the breakfast, um, but also as a comedian, I'm not going to be up before 10 30. Uh, yeah, that'd be crazy. So, um, when in comedy gets up, Nick is at six a.m. regularly, Nick is three quarters of the way through his day at, at 10 30. Yeah, I know. It's different once you start.

Well, anyway, right. Once you start succeeding. I do have good, um, I have good, uh, memories of the egg McMuffin because my dad, when my parents got divorced, my dad, sometimes he'd pick me up really early before school, really, really early, like six in the morning. And we'd go swim at, uh, the YMCA. Awesome. Yeah.

Just went just to go swim first thing in the morning. Yeah. And then we would get an egg McMuffin and he dropped me off at school. God, that sounds like heaven. That's amazing. I do what a, what a dream for a kid. My, uh, my best friend, Justin, his Papa Jack used to take us to, uh, McDonald's all the time, uh, his, his grandpa is a great guy, a very funny guy.

Uh, and we would, uh, I would go and, you know, some, usually get the big breakfast because he was, I remember, I don't know if he pushed it. I can ask Justin, but he was, I was always about that big breakfast because he got pancakes and and everything. It was great. Yeah. It's like a big plat, that big breakfast is a big platter with the scrambled eggs and it's very, it's a very un McDonald's, especially for

something that's been on the menu for a long time, a very un McDonald's menu offering, just like a plate of food. I look fondly on those day. I was probably six years old or seven, but, uh, yeah, that's kind of was my introduction to, to breakfast. I always loved McDonald's and had a few birthdays there. I love, I love McDonald's breakfast. I do, I had birthdays or I never had a birthday at a McDonald's, but I did

attend a birthday at McDonald's. I told you this, that Grimace came, Grimace came over to me on my birthday. I said this on the podcast and then my friend son, he didn't think I was his fucking son. My friends chased him away and I was very sad about it. I was, I was very upset about it. You wanted to hang with Grimace. I want to hang with Grimace and they chased him off like a freak chase

him away. That only happens in Quincy chase Grimace. The kids chase him away, he runs for his life. I, I did once, uh, uh, at a Chuck E cheese, I did have, uh, like a kid went to hug, I had a plan with another kid and I had my friend hug Chuck E cheese. And while he did that, I tied his tail to it, uh, a chair and hindsight. I was like, that was really mean. I felt so bad for that poor teenager in that suit. My sister, again, the rabbi was Chuck E cheese when she was a

tiny boy and it was all like tween girls flirting with her thinking it must be a boy in there and she can't talk or anything. Yeah, right. She is just like nod and look happy. Wow. There's a, a, a dust outline of Nick. He's went to sign up as the role of Chuck E cheese. Come on.

It is that that was like, that was like probably a progenitor of like furry culture, like the, like all these furry mascots and everything, and then, you know, sort of like making an impression on people of that age. I wonder if that's like, you know what else? Zubilee zoo. You remember Zubilee zoo? No, what is that? Oh, no, I don't know what is Zubilee zoo.

It sounds familiar. It was like, it was like a kid show where they were like Zubilee. You don't remember this. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna embarrass myself with this. Was this like a show that like just your parents did for you? They like recorded in the basement on VHS made you watch it. No, it was not a Briggs be bear situation where my parents put on a fucking morning show for me. It was. Oh, wasn't the premise of a movie that came

out recently. That's the reason I made that. I bet that joke because it was in my head. No, it was. It was. I think maybe an HBO show. You don't remember this Google it up. Just see what it is. Zubilee zoo, Zubilee zoo. You be into it, but yeah, you're right. I think I think it does come up zoo spelled zero in a couple of times. Yes, of course. I'm not making it up. I thought it might be ZU like I thought I might be Zubilee like Jubilee and then the zoo would be with a you. No, okay. Well, they had a couple ways they could have gone with

the button only on one season. That's probably why it's such a specific thing that that we're not remembering that it's stuck in my year 1986 to 87. So it would have been prime young Mitch and it won Emmy for best drama. A heim sabon show, the Power Rangers, the Power Rangers, isn't he? Isn't he? Isn't isn't the isn't he crazy in some way? The Power Rangers man. I'm sure anyone who made their billionaire billions by importing a you know property and dubbing it over like probably is. I don't know. It's probably some is such a weird way to get to get extraordinarily rich that maybe he's got a little

crazy. I have no idea the girl with all the gifts. That's a bond movie. Check it out. It's a good horror movie. Interesting. Anyways, that was a sidetrack. But you're right. I think a lot of furry culture was Chuck E cheese and and people being attracted to the the suits in some way, right? His first suits weren't always a thing that like came out like mascots. Like that was like a 20th century thing that I think maybe I don't look. I have no idea. I don't know why I'm trying to psychoanalyze this, but the so so McDonald's. I love the breakfast thing. I remember is that the the hash browns, which were always my

favorite. Are you a furry? No, but I don't have. I'm not going to kink shame anyone who is a fur right. What about if you saw like the fruit of the loom guys? Would you like the fruit when you saw the apple? What would what? What that is? I wonder if there is a culture for I'm sure there is people are into like fruit suits fruit suits few if you have a fruit suit fetish hashtag fruit suit riot. Let us know the so who's going to who's going to actually hashtag fruit and are you going to check that hashtag? Will you song will check it?

I feel like there's I mean every it feels like every fetish has some some practitioner. So yeah, I'm sure whatever you can think of you can think of it. Someone's done it. But so like I remember I love McDonald's hash browns and I remember is they used to have the cardboard hash browns containers at some point they switched over to this thin tissue paper. But the cardboard ones you could stack. And I remember once in Cub Scouts who went to get McDonald's for breakfast. And I don't know what happened. But but it ended up being like kind of like a a game among the troop where we were trying to see how many

hash browns we could eat. And so we kept ordering hash browns and then stacking them up into this what ended up being like a lightsaber length like because you could you could stack them up like a lightsaber length hash brown cardboard container. This is sort of a length. This is the fucking lamest shit I've ever heard of my entire life. Nick it was one of the best warnings of my child. Just childhood. Yeah, I would think they moved over to adult life. Yeah, right. No, you're right. That's fair lightsaber length. And what did you do with it? It was his favorite memory up until fucking the

end. Then it became his second favorite. And he has no other favorite memories. It's those. And beating Final Fantasy four. So I love the I love I love McDonald's hash browns. I love McDonald's breakfast to the today. I went this morning. I went to the gym. It's similar to your pool experience. I got a workout. I got a workout and then I got an indulgent meal afterwards and I went and I got a bunch of stuff. I'm actually kind of I use touch screen ordering. I'm actually

kind of upset at myself because of how much of this order I ate, but I got a few different number of different things to try them. The triple breakfast stacks, which is a current limited edition item. I don't know how long it's going to be on the menu, but it's two sausage patties, two slices of cheese, bacon and a folded egg. And you can get it with a biscuit, a McMuffin or a McGriddles. I got it with the the biscuit because the biscuits my favorite. And it is heavy. That is a heavy, heavy sandwich. But man, it is good. I will say I really like the balance of ingredients in the normal breakfast sandwich. And this one might

be just like a little too much. It might just have a little too much going on. Mitch, did you get yourself one of these triple breakfast stacks? I did. I got a triple breakfast stack as well. I did. I got mine after I got out to the bar. I did breakfast at night. I did a breakfast at night thing. And I also ordered mine through the McDonald's app, which I never use. I use the touch screen in store. Yes. That app is that app is very nice. I never use that. I never use the app before. Mike Carlson showed me and the app is awesome. Yeah, because you can. It's great. You can do whatever you want in there and especially

for you can do anything. If you're a vegetarian, I think that you could like remove stuff easy and it's great. And then you just pick it up and it's ready. You can pick it up. You can go. You can park into a park in a parking spot or you can go through the drive through where you can walk in and grab it. You have three options, but I did the triple stack. I did it the McMuffin style. I liked it, but I agree with you that I maybe just like the regular sandwich. It's just so much. It's just so loaded. Yeah. That said, all the things are good, but it's just, it's just, it's just a lot to take in. That's a picture of it right there.

It's kind of showing Sarah on his phone to sausage. Sarah is inspecting it carefully. Are you grossed out by the sight of meat? No. No. It's, it's, it's yeah, basically two sausage patties. No, everyone I know eats meat. Right. It almost looks like a right there. It looks like a double cheeseburger. It does. It looks like a double cheeseburger with egg. Yeah. It's a lot. It's a lot. Yeah. It's a lot. How do you guys feel on the, the McMuffin? Cause, cause in terms, in terms of your, uh, your bread surrounding, whatever protein you got in there, you've got your McMuffin, you got your biscuit, you got your McGriddles and you've also got the bagel, which is available in some markets.

How do you guys feel among the McDonald's bread options for breakfast? I love the biscuit option. This came later in my life. Yeah, it's really good. It was always the English muffin, which is also good. I, I guess because when you toast something, it doesn't stay very well. So it's like the McMuffins always, I mean, even the biscuit today, like if I were really to care the maximum amount for, of my eating enjoyment, I would have, since I had it here, I would have thrown that biscuit and toaster oven for a little bit. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Put it back. It would have been incredible. Warm it up, crisp it up a little bit. I love the biscuit, but it is thick. It's so very, very thick biscuit, which on top of the

triple stack must have been insane. Also, I'm sorry, go on. I was just saying, I can't even imagine having the triple stack and the biscuit. It's, it's too much. I will say this, the, I love the biscuit. If you look at the, the calories on the menu, it is by far, colorically the most, like even more than the McGriddles, what the McGriddles has added sweetness. Yeah. It's, the, the biscuit is so unhealthy. The McMuffins, your best, your, your best option calorie wise. But the, the McGriddles, I actually like the McGriddles. It's, it's, it's like an in spots thing though. Like I think in general, I'll take the biscuit or the McMuffin, but there are times when I'm like, I want the McGriddles. I want that little bit of sweetness, especially with,

if you get it with a bacon, because it kind of cuts against the saltiness nicely. If you think you ate a lot, I, I will, I think I might, I'll do you. All right. We'll, we'll, we'll keep going this way. Sarah, I want to talk about your sandwich real quick. You got yourself, tell us everyone what you got. I got the egg McMuffin egg, one slice of American cheese on the biscuit. Nice. It's great. And that's your standard order for breakfast. Yeah. Or I'll get it on the, on the regular McMuffin, you know, the English muffin. Right. Right. But just the egg and cheese. And, and that is as, you know, it doesn't come, I'm surprised they don't actually just have like a meatless option that you have to specify that you would think that somewhere on the menu,

they would have a no meat, just egg and cheese. But the, the, the mix of ingredients still works for you. That combination is still satisfying. Yeah. Egg and American, like shitty, cheapo, American cheese is so good to me. I love it. I'm a big fan of American cheese. I'm a big fan of iceberg lettuce. I've said it on here before. I'd like, I like some of the, I like some of the things people consider cheap. American cheese is great. It's good. It's good for melting. It's specifically designed for melting. Melty. They, that's, that's, they've, they change it in food, a copy these days. They say melty. I'm not accusing you of not. American cheese is, I think, not technically cheese. I think it's like a cheese flavored product. All right. I love it.

Whatever, whatever the hell it is and iceberg lettuce and Nick, which I heard is having a comeback. Yeah, because no one wants to eat romaine anymore. So yeah, you shit your pants. I should probably get some. You want to shit your pants. You said that there was a thing for everybody. Just having soil drawers. Oh, I convinced a good friend of mine that he, he had gotten fired from Starbucks and he was so bummed and he needed money. And I said, like, you have to pee and you have to shit. Why not make money doing it? And then he did. He, like, um, peed in a guy's mouth behind Fairfax High, like at the bleachers for $50. That's a different escalation than I expected. And then he shit on a guy's head for $150. But he said,

after that, it just, it, it didn't feel good. When you said that, I thought he was going to be like making like a fetish video or something like that. But just to actually be behind a high school directly urinating into someone's mouth is pretty crazy. Anything like that. You can just find tons of guys who want you to piss and shit on them. Oh my God, there is, there is something for everybody out there. I feel bad because I'm the one who convinced him. I was like, you have to go anyway. Why wouldn't you make want to make money doing it? And, but I guess there's another element to it that, that made him feel not awesome. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I would just, I would be finding it very difficult to shit on someone's head. And also I would like, I think that I think

it would probably ruin the experience for them. Cause I'd just be like, are you sure? Like too many times when it's clearly it's something they want. They're like paying you money to do, but I'd be like, I don't, I mean, I don't have to do this. You know, as a boy, the boys used to pee on each other. I feel like that was a thing that happened. No, what? My friend, Justin, the same guy who, who took me to his papa took me to McDonald's. I remember a repeat on me from a tree once. Oh, just as I thought it was like a fun. No, I thought you were talking about like you, like getting a kiddie pool and you like take you just like hose each other down. Oh, you fucking freak. Okay. Yeah, I freak as a normal as a prank as a prank. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, as a prank

that happens. Yeah, as a prank boys will pee on each other and so on and so forth. If I had a penis, I'm sure I would do crazy things with my pee. I mean, it's good to pee in the back of a car easy. You can pee into a water bottle. So great. That is, that's, that's good stuff. I would need like a very wide mouthed Snapple bottle of some kind. Right. Oh, oh, I thought you meant to as a guy. I was like, oh, wow. No, as a woman. All right. Or like once I did pee in a with Steve Agee and a Pringles can the acoustics wasn't where they were incredible. It's really cool sounding. Was it not was it messy at all? Where was it pretty contained? No, it's totally contained. Like the mouth of it. The opening fit around my like vagina.

Fine. Wow. And then I just peed into it and we would I would pee into things just because it would make us laugh real hard. Right. Makes me laugh just hearing about it. And also it's a good pointer for anyone if you got a Pringles can. Yeah, keep one in your car. So the in addition to the I also got I also got myself a hash browns is with the with the breakfast combo. Sarah did. How did you feel about that hash browns? I first of all, I find it interesting that you're saying it in a singular and then adding an ass. Yeah, he's that was strange. How did you feel about that hash browns? Is a singular hash brown people got really mad at you or hash brown the hash brown the chips ahoy you said chip ahoy for a singular which is such bullshit.

That's wrong. That's incorrect. I know the brand is called chips ahoy. I know by chip ahoy for saying an individual one. I think it doesn't make any sense. Well, I'm going to keep saying it. All right, whatever. I have to agree with Mike on this. Sorry. Um, I wasn't crazy about it today. I think like if it's not hot off the whatever it's made in. Yeah, right. It's not worth it. You always go taste the oil and the oil was like congealed a little in there and I just took it like two bites and then I was like, this isn't worth it. Yeah, it doesn't travel all that well. My hash browns were delightful, but I got I got I'm like, you know, I there's a McDonald's walking distance from our apartment and so I got it

home and in in less than three minutes and then it was in my tummy. What am I in my mouth first? Okay, I know how eating works. All right, we figured it was in your mouth first. Unless you have some sort of bag that you directly insert into your stomach. Oh man. No, I wouldn't want to skip the chewing part of eating. That's part of the fun. That's why I don't get the appeal of like soilent or whatever. These people are just like, what do you want to streamline the streamline away the pleasurable part of eating like the chewing and the having stuff in your mouth. You get that you get the enjoyment out of chewing. That's part of it, right? I think more of the taste in your mouth. The taste,

yeah, that obviously tastes as part of it, but their whole experience. It's like, it's like visceral. That's part of the fun. Okay. Can I tell a joke, please? Yeah, this is just like a jokey joke, but it made me think of it. This, this is just how I remember hearing it when I was little. So this guy has his jaw wired shut. And, and so the doctor says, well, you've got your jaw wired shut. So we have to feed you anally. So for lunch, you're going to have a big Mac and then a Coke and some fries and then for dessert, hot chocolate. So he shoves up the big Mac and the guy goes, oh, and then he shoves up the Coke and then he shoves up the french fries and then he shoves up the hot chocolate and the guy goes, and the doctor goes,

oh god, is it too hot? And he goes, no, too sweet. Sorry, I gave up a little hurt my time. It's a good joke. That's a great joke. I liked it. Can you feed yourself that way? Feed yourself rectally? Okay, yeah. They did that in Guantanamo Bay, didn't they? Oh, she's like a real, real awful thing that the CIA was doing to prisoners there interrogating. Yeah, war crimes were committed. But so, yeah, I like the hash browns I got. They were hot and delicious. Mitch your browns? My browns were good. I got the meal with the triple stack and I got myself a large Coca-Cola. I love a McDonald's Coke. They have the best Coca-Cola, fast food chain or restaurant.

It's great. If you're having a late night breakfast, that's a fine option. I think in the morning is a little psychotic. Oh, well, yeah, it was, it was, it was nighttime. It was after, it was, it was a Saturday night. It was on a Saturday night. But they told us why we talked about this before. It's like it comes in like silver canisters, right? It's like a, the Coca-Cola isn't served through like the usual box or whatever. Right. It's got, they've got some special apparatus they use for specifically for McDonald's. Yeah. The other chains don't have access to. And I thought the hash brown was good. Mine, I had a bit of a drive, probably about 10 minutes, but the hash brown was still warm and good. I, I really enjoyed it, though I did eat a ton of food.

Yeah. Well, let's, I'll just say, I'll also go with the combo. I got a small coffee. I just got a black coffee. I like McDonald's coffee. I think among chain coffees, it's a very solid option. And you know what? I'll take it over a default Starbucks roast. Yeah. Like like a Starbucks, like Blonde Americana or something. If I'm going to get a, you know, a, a cold drink there, but just whatever their, their Pike Place roast or whatever, give me a McDonald's coffee over that any day. And it's a better price point. Yeah. Mitch, let's speed through the rest of our, of our food bins. We got real quick. So I got the hotcakes and sausage. You got that as well, correct? I did, but they forgot my sausage. Oh, they forgot your sausage. What a bummer. I got

the hotcakes and sausage and with, with butter and the, and the hot syrup that it comes with. This was my favorite syrup. This was my favorite as a kid. This was my, my go-to serve. You ever had the hotcakes there? McDonald's hotcakes? Probably. You mean like pancakes? Yeah. They're pancakes. Yeah. They're called hotcakes there for whatever reason. Yeah. They're great. They're, I forgot how good they, they're so good. They're fluffy and delicious. They must be very cheap to make. Yeah. Cause the, they're, they, you know, it's, it's, it's like $3 for the combo. Yeah. But where did they put the sausage? Cause my, were they under yours? It just comes on the side. It comes in that big platter. And then there's just like the

three pancake stacked. And then there's a little sausage disc over my sausage is great with a little bit of the, but the maple syrup runoff. That's actually a delight. Go ahead, Mitch. Mine were, yeah, mine, mine were missing and also the pancakes were kind of cold. I only had one and then I put it in the fridge and I ate the two the next morning for breakfast. Mine were pipe and hot. Did you get, did they give you two sides of butter? Cause that's what I liked. They gave me like four, they gave me like four things of butter, generous with the butter and, and, and it benefits from it. I also got the fruit and maple oatmeal, which I'd never gotten. And this is one where it's, it's very, for oatmeal, it's very, very thin. It's almost

like milk thin, which is, which is surprising, but then they give you a bag of red and green apples. Hold your tongue. And they also give you a, uh, some cranberries and raisins and another bag. And then you throw that stuff in there. So that thickens it up a little bit. It's got a little bit of brown sugar and the cranberry and raisins out the window. Um, and it's kind of a fruit, more of a fruit slurry with some oatmeal character. It's a pretty good oatmeal. I mean, like I'll, I'll take it over, you know, some, some of those, uh, uh, what are they called those all day oats? They have it fucking. What is that? What does that call the slow oats? You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. I know what you're talking about. Like ready to hold one overnight oats.

Yeah. The overnight oats. Yeah. That's stuff that they just got sitting there at some coffee shops and costs like $8. And it's called like mush. Like I'll take the McDonald's oatmeal over that any day. Um, uh, but you know, it's fine. And then I also got a mango pineapple smoothie, a little too sweet for the morning off their McCafe menu, but, uh, very nice. Uh, I like the, you know, it's actually got a nice icy character to it, which I, which I like in a smoothie. Like you could really sort of, I saw them put a bunch of ice in there to blend it up fresh and, um, and, and, you know, that really came through. And then the good mango, good pineapple flavor, a little syrupy, but what do you expect from McDonald's one and a good price point there?

So yeah, all those are winners. Uh, Mitch, what was the rest of the food you got? I also got a second say. I want you to, I got myself, uh, uh, bacon, egg, and cheese McGrittle. Uh, McGrittle's McGrittle's. This is one, if we're going to be pedantic about K about, uh, you know, whether something is plural or singular, the singular of McGrittle's is McGrittle's, but this is like a McGrittle's. It's not. That's the Brent McDonald's brand. A singular, a single McGrittle's is a McGrittle's. Oh God. I hate you so much. Fine. I got a McGrittle's. Thank you. A bacon, egg, and cheese McGrittle's. What do you, you said the weird hash browns thing? Yeah, I know. And we never even cleared it. Well, whatever. I bet the bacon, egg, and cheese

McGrittle's. And I don't usually get McGrittle's and I, and I loved it. I, I, I, I absolutely loved it. It's good. It's good with the bacon and the cheese. It was, it was really good. Yeah. This is where the pancake is the bread. The pancake is the bread. And then I also did a sausage, uh, burrito, the, the, which are tiny. How'd you think about, how'd you feel about that? I like them. When I worked at the Simpsons as a, which I mentioned all the time as a PA, uh, I used to get, I had to get McDonald's breakfast on Fridays, right? And, uh, for Homer. God, I hate when you say this. You act like Homer was a real person, uh, which he was. I would, I would always like the sausage, the sausage burritos would never really go. And I, and I always liked him when it comes with that,

uh, the Baconte sauce, yeah, which I love. It was good. It was, it's, it's, it's, that's something that the, the, the, yeah, the Mexican style salsa. It's something that if you, if you, uh, Mitch is showing a picture, it looks like a little, little package and a ketchup packet of salsa. It's, it's, they're, they're kind of tiny. Yeah. They are little burritos. They're, they're almost like closer in size to a taquito than a, than a traditional burrito. They're very small and the combo comes with two. Yeah. I just don't love the tortilla on those. I think the tortilla is a little gummy. And I feel like I'd rather just like get the, get the McMuffin or the, the biscuit. Yeah. But yeah, they're, yeah, they're not. I said that to the, I was like,

these are kind of small, huh? Yeah. And she said Mitchell style is what we say. And there's Wally, my cat. Oh, Wally, he's a good guy. He watched me all of this and was concerned that I was going to die. Mary yelled at the phone. I feel like Mary wants a cat. Really? I should be cool with Wally. They would get, but they would be animal friends. Oh, that's nice. Um, so there was a lot of food. Yeah. I saved two pancakes for the morning, but I ate pretty much the rest of that. I was, I pretty much the rest of that. I mean, I ate all of it. I could have eaten everything and I just had to stop myself. I like, I was, there reached a point. I was like, I'm not going to eat any more of these sausages. I'm not,

we're not going to be more of these hot cakes. I'm not going to drink any more of the smoothie. I put everything up in a, in the McDonald's bag, the plastic bag that gave me because it was so much food for one person. And then I just literally carried outside and threw it in the dumpster. I couldn't even fish it out of the trash. I also got the big plastic bag. Yeah. Um, but, but my thing with the McDonald's breakfast, I was like, you can eat. You could keep eating. I feel like when I was younger, I got a egg McMuffin is besides the big breakfast. I do egg McMuffin a lot and the hash brown and an orange juice. And I feel like I could just keep eating the, I could eat three of those breakfast. I mean, I do good. They don't feel

like they fill you up too much, but I will say this. We talk about the rumblies on this podcast. Oh yeah. The dreaded rumblies, but egg McMuffins and or, and or the hash browns are a thing that give me the rumbly for sure. I don't know what it is. Makes your stomach rumble. Makes my stomach rumble. I've like always had, I love it, but it's always caused distress at some point. It always, it always does it to me, but it can be an expediter if you want to facilitate that AMBM. AMBM. Yeah. God, that's awful. Let's get to our final thoughts on McDonald's on that note. So Sarah, here's how this will work.

Well, we each go around and we will give our summation of a lifetime of experiences eating at Mcdonald's breakfast or closing argument, if you will, and then give a fork ranking. So this will be from zero to five forks, five being the highest. You are a guest. We will begin with you. Your eyes just got very wide. Don't worry. I'm not really sure. I know how this goes. I mean, I feel like I've said all my McDonald's experiences. Do you want me to, want me to do it? Mitch, Mitch can tee it up. I'll tee it up. I have a, you know, I've had a nice long history with McDonald's. I mean, I say Taco Bell is my favorite restaurant on the podcast. And I think McDonald's is, is right up there with it. I love McDonald's more than anything in their breakfast

is great. It's different, obviously. Yes. But, but I still love it. Great times there with Papa Jack and my friend Justin when I was a boy. I love the Egg McMuffin. I'm never up. I never used to be up early enough to eat it. It was a big issue once I got to my teens and twenties and so on. But I love it. I, I, I, they, they do breakfast better than any other fast food chain. Right. That there is a five forks, Nick. It's an easy five forks for me. Yeah, Mitch, I'll go and I'll let Sarah see how, see how bad it is. It's yeah, I get it. No, I also love McDonald's breakfast. It is wonderful. You know, I mean, as far as fast food breakfasts go, it's either one or one a, and this is maybe what you'd expect

to hear from the man from Quincy, not from the man from Southern California, not the SoCal Surfer, dude that I am, but I would say it's either, it's either McDonald's or Dunkin Donuts has the best breakfast in the fast food. They're both, they're both just so solid. I wasn't even, I wasn't even including Dunkin Donuts in the fat and the fast food. I was thinking specifically like fat, like Wendy's Burger King McDonald's or whatever. If you put in Dunkin Donuts, it's hard. That's harder for me. It's in that conversation. Yeah. McDonald's is in the conversation. It's so good. It's so satisfying. It's so specific. And I feel like, you know, they, they've did not invent the breakfast sandwich, but popularized the breakfast sandwich. It was the

place that you could get a breakfast sandwich in my town. There weren't like, it wasn't like a small place, a small little shack that had an egg and cheese or whatever. And there wasn't any bodega in Lakewood, California. And so this was a, and, and, you know, the specificity of what they do is so, this is, this is a, this is circular, but the specificity of what they do, it's so specific to them. It's so McDonald's-y. And, and I'm craving exactly that. I'm craving exactly those hash browns sometimes. I'm craving exactly that sausage biscuit with eggs sometimes. It's so great. And for that reason, and the other stuff I had too, the other stuff I had is solid and, and, and works. And there's no reason for me to deprive McDonald's of five forks. McDonald's

breakfast, five forks, easy, one of the easier decisions I've ever made on this podcast. Sarah Silverman, your thoughts. Great. Um, you know what? McDonald's breakfast, to me, it's like, I know it's everywhere on the globe, but it feels like America. Right. It gives me a, a good feeling. Um, I have good memories with McDonald's. They always come through. Now that they have breakfast all day, um, you know, I mean, to be able to get a McMuffin at midnight is an honor. And, um, I'm going to throw something in here that might not be okay, but I will say the one thing that Burger King does better are the French toast sticks. Wow. Oh, wow. Yeah. Um, interesting wrinkle. Yeah. But I'll go five forks.

Wow. Welcome to the Platinum Plate Club. McDonald's. Wow. Breakfast. Does this mean McDonald's isn't in the Platinum Plate Club, but their breakfast menu is breakfast is right now breakfast menu now in the Platinum Plate Club. Wow. We are in. We are, we are all in the same page. What an exciting moment for dough boys. Easy, easy. Like you said, one of the, yeah. This is the one of the most exciting moments in dough boys history. Nick, I think I can know. I think I know an easier decision for you as to it's when we decide to end the podcast, which will be soon ish. Yeah. Within two years probably right. I think so. I'll be recording from my house in Quincy, Massachusetts with my mom

when I move back home. I'll find a cabin in Idaho, sort of be a be posted up there. Skyping in. You can do like a unabomber situation. We'll see. Hey, you know. I'm so sorry. This isn't a wrapping it up thing. This is like starting a new, no, please go into a little bit. Please get a new segment. So it's not over. It's not over. I was going to say, are there new fast food chains popping up? Oh, yeah. All the time. Really? Yeah. What are some new ones? Well, I mean, like, like semi is semi new. You would say like a chain like Chipotle came about and it became nationwide in the past like 10 years or so. But as far as brand, brand new. Blaze Pizza is pretty new. Blaze Pizza I think came about in

the 2010s. LeBron's Pizza Chain. And it is one of the fastest growing chains in America. So yeah, they're popping up all the time. It feels like a lot. It was like fresh as the new concept. They're fresh made to order is like the new way they're trying to go. All these individual pie places. There's a big trend in that. Yeah. And hey, speaking of pie, it's the return of a beloved segment. I've got a slice of pie and Mitch and Sarah must divine a series of clues to guess what it is. The winner keeps the pie. The loser goes home empty stomach. This is pie in this guy. I started singing pie pie, which one is in this guy baked up pastry that was tasty, but a mystery which guy and Mitch and big ass were giving it their best try. Yes, and this will be

the type of this pie. This will be the type of this pie. Okay, so you each take turns. So no, increasingly more obvious clues. Really nice. The way you hit that last very low note. Oh, thanks. Not a train singer, but I did my best. Have you? Has he ever called you big S before? He's never addressed me actually. That is a name that some people call me. Yeah. Big S. Yeah. It's usually like the lyric is usually our guest. So I just let it be. I was delighted when I heard it. It made me feel just that much closer to you. Oh boy. How about that? Were you more confident in his writing skills when you heard that song playing? That was in my packet. Yeah. So you'll each take turns getting increasingly more obvious clues. You have two lifelines.

She won't want to win. She won't want this pie at her house. Well, you can do whatever you like with a pie. Maybe you get to have the pie. You get the pie. Yeah, if you win. And is this only a pastry pie or it could be a pizza pie? Well, you'll just have to. It's not a pizza pie. I'll say that. If he had gotten a pizza pie today, he would have been ruined right there if you said that. We would have seen a sign from him. It's in the pie family. You have two lifelines. You have the smell test. You can get a blind whiff of this pie. You've got the pie on hand. The pie is here. You song has the pie. And you also can ask Emma, our engineer, for help. So that's the other one you can go to. Those lifelines or use them or lose them. Sarah, you're our guest. You get to

choose if you go first or second and keep in mind the first clue is the hardest. They get increasingly more obvious as we progress. I'll go second. Sarah's going to go second. Mitch, you get the first clue. I always lose this game, by the way. Okay. The sight of this pie may make you raise your eyebrow or arch it, if you will. I have an answer. I don't even need to smell it. Go ahead, Mitch. McDonald's apple pie. Mitch, you are not correct. Wow. Second clue for you, Sarah. Usually made with apples around the holiday season. This pie gets a sprinkle of fun. You can also keep in mind you have two lifelines. You have two lifelines. You can ask Emma. I have no idea what that even means, to be honest with you. Emma's clueless. I'm trying to put it together.

This clue is too obscure, clearly. I mean, I was positive it was McDonald's pie. And then when you said it wasn't the apple pie, you said it wasn't the apple pie. You said it wasn't the apple pie. I was positive it was McDonald's pie. And then when you said it wasn't the apple pie, I thought maybe it would be the cherry pie. Then you said this is made with apples. It's seasonal. And then you said sprinkles. Now, sprinkles. Sprinkles. Like sprinkles? Like the rainbow sprinkles? Or like you put on an ice cream? This is insane. This is like food from Emma? It used to be phone or friend. But also, did we ever phone anyone?

Nathan Barnett phoned somebody once. Like a confetti cake? This pie gets a sprinkle of fun. Do you have a guess? I mean, I would say... The only time I've ever seen sprinkles in a... Well, that's cake though, not pie. That's not a pie. But if it's Mitch, he thinks cupcakes are pie. That's true. Because I would say apple crisp. But that's not a pie. That's a crisp. All right. You can take a guess. That was my guess. Apple crisp is not correct. I think this next clue is not going to get us any closer to home. But here we go. I think the issue is this pie is not known. Biting into this vanilla-filled,

funfetti-topped seasonal hand pie will make you exclaim I'm loving it. It's something from McDonald's. So it is like confetti kind of. Biting into this vanilla-filled, funfetti-topped seasonal hand pie will make you exclaim I'm loving it. Like funfetti cake. I'm not going to smell it because it's not going to help me. Okay. A McDonald's birthday cake pie. Birthday cake pie is not correct, though thematically you are in the right ballpark. Okay. Final clue for you, Sarah. It's from McDonald's, but it's not the apple pie. It's a seasonal variant that rhymes with balladay pie. Holiday pie, McDonald's holiday pie. Sarah Silverman, you have one pie in this guy.

You song is rushing over to get your pie. This is the McDonald's holiday pie. This is a seasonal offering. We can all have a bite. This is smooth vanilla custard inside a flaky buttery crust, glazed with sugar, and topped with rainbow sprinkles. I've never actually had one of these. That's insane. It never existed. Yeah, this is a new item. Sarah, I guess in an outburst of excitement, elation over winning has stood up from the table and has gone to her kitchen. Yeah, I didn't know this thing existed. Apparently, no one knows this existed. I thought it was maybe more of a thing, and maybe I was the one. Sarah just dumped this out on the table. She got some forks. This thing looks like a hot pocket. Yeah, it looks like a hot pocket with some

funfetti on top of it. Doesn't look particularly appetizing, but yeah, I guess I'll take a portion of this. Ooh, ooh. Come on, everybody. Let's each prepare a bite. Yeah, I'm gonna take a little bite of this bad boy. Emma, will you just hand me a, I got a corner here. All right. I guess we're not gonna eat it at the same time. Oh, fuck. Did I fuck it up? I didn't know that's what we were doing. I'm sorry. Ooh. It tastes like one, like a home run pie with vanilla in it that you'd get it like the supermarket. Mine was, mine had no, nothing inside of it. It was a shell. You had no cream in there? I had no cream. There's apples in this? No, there's no apples. No, that was your first clue. Usually made, your second clue. Usually made with apples. Yeah,

what the fuck does that mean? Like pies are usually made with apples? Oh, you're saying, but this time it's not. Like a holiday pie. I conceded it was a poorly written clue. Yeah, it was terrible. Like holiday pies are usually made with apples. This is delicious. That is pretty good. That is quite good. Anyways, McDonald's holiday pie, that was pie in this guy. Just like a restaurant value your feedback. Let's open up the feedback. It tastes like it's filled with sodium free cum. I agree with that. It did come from Nick. I think my boys are salty. Beating that to death. This week's email comes to us from Cuba, a listener in Germany. And there's a reason I picked this one out. It's kind of, this is, this is kind of remarkable

that this one came into the inbox. I was delighted to see the episode on loving hut being a vegan and be in Germany often cannot relate to a show 100%, but have been to loving hut twice a couple of years ago. Our buddy Raj Desai came on and reviewed this vegan chain loving hut with us. On my last trip to the US this, this September, I was able to follow your advice on veggie grill, chicken sandwich, Taco Bell orders, fresco style and the impossible burger, a ride on the uncanny valley roller coaster. My question, considering recent innovations like the impossible burger, what would it take for you to convert to the V side, chain restaurant like availability, perfectly imitated taste, which meals specifically, or veganism enforced by law,

or not even that, looking at you, Mitch. So the question is, is what would it take, what would it take to get you to be vegetarian or even vegan? I guess the German asshole. Hold on. This PS from Cuba, keep in mind this came into the inbox in October. Please find randomly attached a screenbock of a screencap of Tuvac, Tom Paris and Sarah Silverman from the episode where the Voyager traveled to 1996 Los Angeles and it looked like Tim Russ had just accidentally brought fast food to the set. My sister and I do a Voyager rewatch podcast in German included this picture. It's you and the caption is breakfast is up. You were having a fast food breakfast on Star Trek Voyager. What the fuck? Isn't that crazy? I'm confused by everything. This was on last night.

This episode was just on in syndication. On TV, yeah. And I thought I'd watch it for fun and then I got bored into a show. But it was a big two parter. Yeah. I will tell you that the men in that picture, great guys. One I made out with in the show. Very cool. Tom Paris. One I made out with not on the show. Tuvac. Wow. Way to go Tuvac. That's crazy. Yeah. So a fun fact. That's a very fun fact. Add that to the Voyager wiki. So Sarah, you are, as you mentioned, you're a vegetarian, but you would do eat dairy, you do eat eggs. Is there anything that would push you over to being full vegan? Is there anything that, do you ever feel a moment where you're like, ah, maybe I should go all the way? Yeah. I mean, it's not, cheese isn't good for you,

but it's so good. It's so good. Eggs, I cut out, like this is the first egg I've had a really long time because every once in a while I think about eggs and it grosses me out. But eggs are in so many things I eat too. Yeah. But I could, I mean, I'd like to do it if I could. Right. Yeah. I was, I did do the vegetarian thing for a few months and my issue is that I found myself gaining weight because I was just eating so much more, so many more carbs and my metabolism is particularly sensitive to carbs for whatever reason. I mean, like a lot of people, it's not unique to me. But yeah, I was just eating like more potatoes, more sweet potatoes. And I don't get it. Like, are potatoes bad for you? I like, I have like a baked potato sometimes.

Every night I'll have a baked potato with everything on it. I don't think they're, they're bad for you. But I think if you are like trying to maybe to lose weight or to maintain body, I think they're just a thing that can, that has a lot of carbs in them. But I think they're, it looks like better than eating like white bread. Sweet potatoes. I think you're pretty helpful. I'm pretty good for you. Yeah. A big sweet potato. But yeah, but I would like, I think about going vegetarian all the time because the arguments against eating meat, particularly like the factory farmed meat that we, that you get at a place like McDonald's, like it's just that argument is so strong ethically and also like environmentally, you know, that's, that's, that's a whole other

issue, not just stuff on the land, but stuff from, but seafood in particular is so devastating to the environment that I don't know. I mean, I don't think it would take, it would take much. It would just be tougher to do this podcast. Mitch, what about yourself? I think, I think, I think it would be hard for me. I think I could maybe, I can, I couldn't currently now move to like a meatless couple of days. I'm sure maybe one or two days a week. Right. It'll still be hard to sell. But, but I care about the environment. Obviously I would, I feel like that's something we'll probably have to do at some point. I think the, I think the non meat, what, what is it? What is it called the, the impossible burger? Oh man, so good. It's good as hell, right? The impossible burger

is, is I, if it, if it got to that point where I could eat a, a Big Mac and it tasted like a Big Mac and I didn't know the difference. I would do it certainly. Right. No. So you need something to be absolutely perfect. You're not going to make any sort of sacrifice at all. I will. I just said that I would do a couple of days. I like, I like to eat meat. I know that it's a fault. No, I didn't say that. That's, you know, hey, you're like a lot of people. I like to eat meat too. I told you I ate a lobster when I was back home and it made me, it made me, it's sad to see the lobster there. It's a fucked up thing. We used to race them in the kitchen. And then you boil them. It's sad. I think of Wally and Irma. I mean, it does make me sad,

but I scream. Yeah. Yeah, they do. Yeah. God, what a grim gladiatorial spectacle that you're making in the their last seconds of their life. They have to race on the kitchen floor of the Mitchell home relax. It happened one time boiling water eaten to be fair. You would want to be dropped into boiling water too. If you were laying on the floor. This is the one thing that we did when I was younger. I don't know. It's hard. It's hard to see. I feel bad for animals. I like them. I like them better than humans. I think that's true. Yeah. I think, yeah, sure. Yeah. Well, there you go. Not all animals. What? Would you want like a fucking cobra? Give me a person over a cobra. All right. Fine. Fair. If you have a

question or comment about the world of chain wrestling, gmail, it's a dope boy's podcast at gmail.com or Lewis of voicemail at 830 go doh. That's 830 4636 844. And to get the dope boys double our weekly bonus episode, join the golden or platinum play club. Hold on a second hand dot com slash dope boys who bow and is his one sting at me with his saying looking at me will make people go vegan. He was having some fun piece of fucking German. No, I think this is I think you I think you miss misunderstood what he was saying. He was saying or veganism enforced by law or not even that looking at you, Mitch, meaning you would break the law if it was it was illegal to not be vegan. That's what he's saying. He's not saying looking at you would make someone

not want to eat meat. Oh, okay. All right. Sorry. Sorry, Kubo. Yeah. Lay off this guy. English is a second language. He's got a German Voyager podcast in the middle of like wowing me with lip speed. I've never seen anything like it. He can read very fast. That's all I bring to the podcast. That's my one asset. It's micromachine level. Like talk like through the copy very quickly. Sarah Silverman, thank you so much for being so generous with your time. What a delight. What an honor to have you here. Thank you for reviewing McDonald's with us. Is there anything you would like to plug it this time? Nothing. We've got 21 episodes of I Love You America sitting on there on your Hulu. Check it out on Hulu. I wrote for half of them. A lot of fun. That's right.

Yeah. Check it out. I don't know. I got nothing to add to it. I know Ferguson. I know Ferguson very well. Hey, you know what? Happy holidays. Happy new year. Oh, yeah. Thanks for a great 2018 to everyone out there in the Doughboys universe. All a spoon nation, all a burger brigade. That's right. Let's say Merry Christmas again. Yeah. Let's say Merry Christmas again. Thank you. Thank you, Sarah. That'll do for this episode of Doughboys. And the next time for the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell, I'm Nick Weiger. Happy eating. See ya. What's up, Burger Brigade? Hey, Spoon Nation. The Doughboys are coming to you live in 2019. CS in San Francisco, the San Francisco sketch fest on January 18th.

In Saskatoon, Saskatchewan at winter option on January 26th. And in Portland, Oregon at Listen Up Portland on February 16th. For tickets and info, go to headgum.com slash live. Do it. That was a headgum podcast.