Doughboys - Mel's Drive-In with Jon Gabrus (LIVE)

Episode Date: July 19, 2018

Comedian, actor, and writer Jon Gabrus (Raised by TV, High & Mighty) joins the 'boys for a visit to Mel's Drive-In, a longstanding California diner with a history of cinematic appearances. Plus, a live edition of Snack or Wack. Recorded live at Larkin Comedy Club in San Francisco.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. This distinct blaring sound would become omnipresent in U.S. movie theaters with a debut of the THX logo in 1983. The audio sting trademarked as deep note by its creator, programmer James A. Moore, and partially inspired by a similar build in the Beatles song A Day in the Life consists of 30 layered synthetic voices that rise in pitch and crescendo in volume. Creating a deafening effect ironically accompanied by the text, the audience is listening. THX Sound, which revolutionized theatrical presentation of feature films, was a collaboration

of engineer Tomlinson Holman and director George Lucas who wanted to ensure proper audio fidelity for screenings of Return of the Jedi. THX was symptomatic of Lucas' output during his 20-year directing inter-Agnum between Star Wars episodes 4 and 1 in which he chiefly focused on technology, founding Vex House's industrial light and magic, and Skywalker Sound, creating Game Studio LucasArts and launching Pioneer Computer Animation Workshop The Graphics Group, later known as Pixar. THX took its name from the title of Lucas' directorial debut, THX 1138, a dystopian science fiction film that flopped at the box office.

It was Lucas' second feature that would be his breakthrough hit, American Graffiti. Nostalgia piece set in 1950s Modesto, California, unusual for a man whose career would be so defined by sci-fi and fantasy. And a key element in the movie, as much a character as Richard Dreyfus' Kurt and young Ronnie Howard Steve, was a real-life diner founded in 1947 by Mel Weiss and Harold Dobbs, referred to in the film as the fictional burger city. An immediate success in the booming post-war Bay Area, the restaurants spawned multiple locations across San Francisco and later in California's other cultural hub, Los Angeles.

In addition to American graffiti, the chain's camera-ready design has led to it being used as a setting in projects such as Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, Melrose Place, and The Sreal Life. In these days, it continues to serve often-nebrated patrons well into the late night, suing diner favorites as time-lets as its cinematically famous exterior. This week on Doe Boys, Mel's Drive-In. Welcome to Doe Boys Live, how you doing San Francisco? Little volume issue there on the theme song came in a little low.

Guys, we're coming to you live from Clusterfest 2018. Before we go any further, this week's roast is courtesy of Matt McInerney. Let me introduce my co-host, Bill Bella Chick-fil-A, Mitchie Two Spoons, Mike Mitchell! What's up San Francisco, how's everybody doing? You all had the choice to see Wu-Tang Clan, or a man due to NBA Finals, or see a man do his best impression of the THX sound, and you chose the THX sound, you fucked up! Inferred it us to this crowd, they didn't know exactly what angle I was going to take with my monologue.

I think few could have predicted that specifically. The angle was long as fuck. It wasn't long as fuck! That was like my typical length of one of these monologues. We're friends, we can't be this angry already. Nick, how are you? I'm okay. We've only got 60 minutes today, so this will be something of a Doe Boy speedrun.

Oh man. We're gonna keep it moving. Normally this is a 90 minute podcast, they give us a 60 minute slot, we're gonna try to cram it all in here, so bear with us. Mitchie and I have had some adventures, we've been here the past day and a half. Is my music still playing? I don't know, what's playing? Wait, hold on.

I demanded that happen. Spoonman play, oh it's from your laptop. Here's the issue. I have to do double duty as like MC and DJ. You're like Lobot, right on stage for everyone. Lobot's a DJ? I meant you're doing like the computer stuff. Yeah, I know, but this is more than I normally do, so I like, yeah, I fuck that up, I apologize.

You seem cranky. I'm fine, I'm in a good mood. But I was gonna say, we had a good time, we went to a house of Nanking together. We went to a house of Nanking as soon as we got in. Straight from the airport. Straight from the airport, house of Nanking. One of several Lyft drivers complaining about gentrification, which is fair in fairness, there was another Lyft driver who told us about his dying brother, which we had to deal

with. Nick talks to, he really digs deep with every Lyft driver we've had, doesn't talk to me at all. I went home, I took a nap. And then now here we are. Yeah, that basically covered the house of Nanking, your nap, and then we ended up here. Then we went to Tonga Room, I took Nick on his maiden voyage to Tonga Room. What a fun.

What a hoot that place is, very distinct. What a hoot. Yeah, had a great time. Yeah, it was a good time. And we got Sam's Burgers. Less of a pop, less of a pop for Sam's Burgers. But you know what, you know who accompanied us to the Tonga Room in Sam's Burgers? Our guest, you know, for the podcast raised by TV, high and mighty in action boys, give

it up. Give it up for a guy with some energy, John Gabriel. He's playing the wrong thing. There's the song. There's the song. He's at Billy for Strong Island. This is a moment of silence. All right, here's the issue.

OK. I was hoping to really hash this out. You forgot to tell me to play your drop. That's your responsibility. Who, me? Yes. What the fuck are you talking about? You just have a drop, which you sent to me that's on the playlist because we don't

have, I have to handle all the tech. Oh, yeah. You didn't cue it. So that's what came up. So that's why there was no walkout music. It was playing Gabriel's drop. Let's hear the drop now. All right.

Hey, I want to say, hold on, how the hell does San Francisco and all the bitchy two Spoon Nations, and this is a good ass drop. Play it, Weigur. I'm no stranger to the can can, but. This is a good one. I jerk off to my wife, breastfeeding my dog. Good God. And now my song.

There we go. That would have worked out. Oh, that was fucking awesome. That was me. That was the four 20 episode. Right. When we got, when we got Weigur high. Yes.

Yeah, by the way, I just saw, I was watching the first two songs of Utang and I saw John Gabriel smoke about three bones. How he functions. I have no idea. Like minutes coming out here. Also, I've been standing watching the stage for like three hours. So this side of my face is on fucking fire. Just standing out there dressed like fucking poochy again, sunburn for two hours.

You also told me right before he walked out that you were upstairs and you heard people's voices and you pretended to be a ghost. Yeah, you're scaring other other artists upstairs. Well, my bad. Sorry, Nikki Glaser. Did not mean to scare you as a ghost. I don't think she was scared. Okay, but is this the little you've done a an insane number of shows this weekend?

I've just done the two. I think you've done like 14. Like you've been to you've done at least three a day. It feels like this is five shows. Not including the ones that I put on at the Tonga Hut last night. And then again, it's Sam's as I screamed for one hour over the band. Your voice never gives out. I don't know how it happened.

Like your vocal cords must be very strong. Dude, it's lifeguard training. I'm eight minutes into the podcast and I mentioned lifeguarding already about the check three boxes. Talked about weed, Long Island and lifeguarding. Are you a very good swimmer? Very good. Aren't you a good swimmer? What?

What would ever make you think you're a good swimmer? Nick, you actually are a swimmer, right? I'm a strong swimmer, but I am not a... Who? Why? I'm a strong swimmer. Good Nick, great. Okay, so...

I don't look. I don't know. I don't know a lot of strokes, but the strokes I know I can execute capably. The issue is that I don't know a lot of... Time out. Different strokes for different folks. You don't know a lot of strokes. Yes.

There's like four. I know three of the four. I don't know the butterfly. Someone picked up a book on how humans speak. I don't know a lot of strokes, but the strokes I know I know pretty handily. What the fuck are you talking about? Remember, when you meet strangers, tell them, I'm a strong swimmer.

A lot of people love chatting about swimming. Gabriel, can you do a flip turn? Yes. Wow. I thought you were going to ask me to do a flip and I was like, I'm going to break my fucking neck, but I'm going to try. Who wants to see Gabriel do a backflip? I cannot do that.

Wait, play along because most of the people hearing this will not have been here. Oh, okay. All right. Well, I re-edited it. Okay, yeah. All right. I mean, I guess Gabriel, they want you to do it. Are you going to try it?

Do you guys want to see me do a backflip? All right. There we go. Holy shit. All right, here we go. Okay, hold this. I'm kind of wondering what the fuck's going to happen. It looks very bad.

Oh, boy. Gabriel is up on a chair. This was your village, y'all! Holy shit! Holy shit! Oh! Oh, my God. How did you do that?

Oh, I haven't done that. Not, I haven't done that shit in fucking like eight years. Wow. Ah, my fucking heart is pounding. Holy shit. Marijuana is a performance enhancer. This stage has been like, I've been through so many shows. And then you just jumped on me at the fucking the last show.

Yeah. This stage is like, we had polyphonic spree earlier and it weighed less. For those of you who don't know, that's a 25-person band. Ask your fucking uncle who took you here for some reason. Gabriel, I just got a push notification. You've been cast in the Broadway musical version of Free Willy.

Finally! Very impressive stuff. I'm a strong swimmer. Sir, get out of the car. Gabriel, so we had some misadventures last night. We mentioned the Tonga Room. We mentioned Sam's Burgers. I thought that Sam's Burger was what?

I laugh every time I see you break down for shows. It's very fun. That is very funny. That I have notes and an outline of talking points. One of his notes is Tonga Room. Yes, it's a reminder of something that we can discuss. I don't know if I can get on board for roasting someone for trying to keep this show on track.

I'm here, so I'm bringing a different energy. I'm the party guy, baby. Of course, everyone knows you as the party guy. So happy, through to the core, a truly happy person. I was having fun at Wu Tang out there. Yeah, it was weird. Red Man screamed, look, it's No Action Bronson when he saw. Now, Mitch gave me that joke backstage.

This is the kind of fucking guy Mitch is. He turns to me and goes, because I said, oh, do you think it's funny if I call Nick Tall Wonder? Like, the show Small Wonders about a tiny robot. So I thought Tall Wonder. Or I was going to go with Longy Cox and the Two Bears, but what is that? What is that?

But exactly, it was too sweaty, so I didn't think it would work. I love it. I'd just take Longy Cox and the Two Bears. You have a big dick, you weirdo. Oh. Remember the one thing that you think that should be giving you something? I thought you were saying, OK, all right, I put it together.

In this case, we're both just right. By the way, we should clarify, I think a lot of people who are at Doe Boys Live may not know that Wu Tang is not just one of Mitch's friends from Quincy. It's actually a hip hop group from Staten Island, New York. So check them out if you haven't. Shall in, if you will.

25 people just come up and let them. Check them out if you haven't. All right, good luck. Someone in the audience. We met someone outside who was one of the people at the front was like, are you here for Wu Tang? And they were like, the Doe Boys brought Wu Tang? And the security person was like, who are the Doe Boys?

Immediately. We're closing out this festival, which is insane. It's crazy. Wu Tang is contractually obligated to say, guys, as a heads up, Doe Boys is starting in the Alark in Comedy Hall. You guys want to check that out and then just watch half their audience file out.

They wanted to put someone in the closeout slot who can make sure everyone goes home. Can we get a group up here that will walk the entire audience? We saw a group of you guys, you Doe Boys fans, walking over all saying, well, I hope all the cues work at the top of the show. That's my favorite part. It was weird that I overheard that from a few of you guys.

So we had a, we had, we had Sam's Burgers. We got the Bourdain, which is a double burger, classic double burger, kind of a backyard burger. We didn't order it as the Bourdain. And then when he served it, I know, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he kind of pushed it on us a little bit, I feel like. He did, he, I think it's their signature. I think Bourdain visited and they,

people don't really know Sam's that well. If you're local to San Francisco, it's fucking great. It's great. A lot of fun. Check it out. Yeah. It was fantastic burger. I, I kind of described the double cheese as like

an even better in and out double, double. Like there was just, it was like all kind of upgraded ingredients, like bigger patties. I thought better tasting beef and ingredients, but you know, the price point is obviously different than in and out. And that's, yeah. Yeah.

That combo, I think we, because it comes with, with a double burger fries and a beer and it's like $17. Yeah. It's expensive, but. It was worth it. It was very good. And we, we could have gone to Mel's last night. We could have.

This fat, this guy is so fat. He threw a hissy fit. He's like, this guy makes no plans whatsoever. He doesn't have any foresight except when it came to eating. He moved me and Nick like fucking pawns on a chess board. Where me and Nick were like, let's eat at Mel's tonight cause we're trying to eat healthy. We don't need to eat.

And he's like, no, we gotta eat Sam's tonight and Mel's in the morning. One meal out is enough. And Mitch just, we somehow got out of an Uber at Sam's. And he was like, oh, here's the place. When I told you guys, I was like, I was like, look, Mel's is really close to Sam's. Oh, that's what you said.

Yeah. Right. And I brought us to Sam's and I was like, let's go to Sam's, which was worth it. It was great. It was kind of on us for falling for that transparent scheme. Why are you up all night last night? I said, well, not all night.

I've got a reasonable amount of sleep. Yeah, I stayed, I stayed out with you. I was just like, I'll hang out with Mitch. He was up, Wiger was up till 2 30 a.m. last night. Holy shit. Very late night for me. And then I slept in all the way to, yeah, all right. I slept in all the way till 8 30.

So I got myself a little bit extra shed. That's insane. As the text chain said this morning, I went for a nice coffee walk. Okay. What a life. Glad to hear from you, Aunt Nicholas. I look forward to the fucking too small crew next sweatshirt

I get for Christmas this year. So we don't even like the bulls. Oh, they're all. Is that relatable? Does everyone have a family member who's like, I got you a sweatshirt cause you said basketball 10 years ago. Right.

They're like, thank you. All the bulls players, all the bulls players are minions too. Sounds all right. We changed the team up, but yeah, I think you're out of something. Oh, I would change the team up if all of the bulls players were minions.

No, I mean, I would change the team up in my mind. No, you mean it would rather be the Lakers? Yeah. Yeah. But it would blend in with Yellow already. They should have little purple overalls on. Right.

Yeah. They should be evading rape charges. Okay. All right. Dude, I'm woke. If anyone knows me, I'm woke. What the fuck am I saying? Why did I even say that word ever?

He turns a blind eye. You make fun of Tom Brady all the time. He's a shit. No, yeah. Hey, any Warriors fans out there? No, you're not. Yeah, why would you come to this? You fucking Liars.

Liars. I enjoy sports. You're like, sure, you're sitting in the third row at a podcast. I love sports. Okay. And hip hop music. Sure.

Before we get into Mel's, let's talk about the Tonga Room real quick, which we kind of blazed past. So this is a very kitschy decor inside just like super, super old school Tiki Bar. All this stuff you love about Tiki Rooms plus carpet. Yeah, exactly. And plus like literally a pool in the middle

that there's a boat with a band on that traverses the length of the pool. It's great. It's pretty crazy. Who's been to the Tonga Room here? Round of applause. Oh, wow. A lot of people.

Yeah. It's like it's very tacky, but in a great way. And then you pay an upcharge to sit down, which is kind of insane. And do you think we opened the wallet for the sitting process? Yeah. They came over.

Their eyes, yeah. They had dollar symbols when they saw me and Gabriel's want to lend it out place. They're like, we're gonna run through a couple of chairs, but we're gonna make some money off these guys. Literally, someone came over, Mitch came over and was like, the table's $15 to sit down.

And we're like, and someone was like, should we just have one and get out of here? And then the rest of us, I was like, I would pay to $15 to sit. And everyone else was like, yep, let's just do that. Okay, we've got 60 bucks so we can use chairs. Have you approached me on the street and said $15 to sit, I'd take you up on it?

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. So we had a, and they have like these, classic sugary tropical cocktails there. Hell yeah. And you know, you're Mai Tyes, you're Zombies, and Mitch I know this is a favorite of yours, but I think- I love it.

I mean you're getting so many calories from one of these. Which is like the amount of sugar that you're getting from one of these drinks. But they were reasonable. I got a zombie, and it was decently potent. Because sometimes these, have you got them in a chain restaurant? They're a little sugary and not particularly alcohol.

Yeah, they put some good booze in there. Gabe Gabbers and I got the big bowl for four people. Yeah, we shot two full Bear Porno films by accident last night. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. We fuckin' ate burgers, eye to eye, like that's a part of the thing, I'll tell you about Sam's, the tables are small. Very small.

Me and Mitch are like the bottoms of our burgers are touching. Like tramp and tramp, just fuckin'. It was weirdly quiet in there, and you could just hear, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And you saw the guys who worked there puttin' an earplug, like what the fuck, man? There's like air traffic control headphones on.

But we got the drink for four, which was $60, but then they brought four straws so we all drank it. It was a lot of fun. It's great sharing backwash with the boys. Yeah, the shared drink is, I mean, I feel like that's the thing you wanna do with your sweetie. I don't know if like with your platonic male friends. Maybe someone you're going steady with.

Right. No, it's like, you know, and we'll get into our chain in just a few seconds here. It's like a fuckin' doo-wop singer. Nick is like, his edgy is a 50s doo-wop singer. If you and your sweetie is splitin' a tiki drink, huh? It's vacation time. Fuck, am I talking?

It's like a Zaggetz review. Hey, you're in your sweetie should swing by tongue room. Talk like a normal human being. I'm talking like me and I'm a normal man. I was going to thank you. Oh, don't cheer him. I was going to say. This guy failed the Blade Runner test earlier, so.

Someone is administering the Voigt Comp backstage. Thought Blink. Yeah, this guy's fuckin' droid, dude. Why is the turtle there? I don't get it. So the, but yeah, I would say like, you know, it's kind of like, and like our chain today, which is a classic 50s diner and, you know,

something that's kind of, sometimes these 50s diners are like an homage. This one is like, was open in 1947. So it's kind of, you know, even though some of these are built later, it kind of is of its era, at least. But, you know, that's the whole malt shop thing, is that you go to the malt shop

or you go to the soda jerk and you'd share a drink with someone you're dating. You wouldn't share it with your friend, necessarily. What the fuck? I'm just reaffirming the point I made earlier about that shared cocktail. I thought we had moved past it. Yes, I was tying it to our chain

and then also just defending my point, which is that it's a little maybe awkward to share with friends, but it might be a significant other. It might be less awkward. Isn't the soda jerk when you lube your hands with Mountain Dew? Is that where you pour barks root beer all over your crotch?

In the Midwest, they call it the Pop Jerk. Some places in the South call it the Coke Jerk. Even if it's not Coke, it's weird. So Coke Jerks are fucking embarrassing. Take forever. So our chain this week, Mel's Drive-In. Now here's the thing. I think that...

Good segue from jerking off right into the restaurant. We got whipped cream on our waffle. We got to keep it moving. Who is the guy who told your friend that you could masturbate using spit? Oh, I don't want to say that on this. Why? Lou, boo him.

I'll say it. You can boo me. Joe Biden. Is it true that he was an NBA player? Is that right? Yes, there's an NBA player. A friend who played... I don't want to go any further.

Oh, Howard! A guy who played AAU basketball with this guy who's now a current NBA player, that NBA player told him that you could use... He was the first person who told him, like, you know, you could use spit to jerk off. Say the name. I'm not gonna say the name,

because I don't want to indemnify the guy who said it. Because he found out... Why? I'm not going to say it because I don't want to say it. I'm not going to say it. No prison, Lou. Right? Because I don't want to say it,

because I don't know the guy that well. Because I know who called him that? I'm already uncomfortable sharing his... I would tell everyone, but I forgot who it was. It was Joe Biden. Thank God for flowers, for Algenon in here. Wait a minute. At one point, was I smarter?

I sure hope so. Benjamin Button. So we went to Mel's Drive-In, and this is, you know, I think like maybe a polarizing with some... We had people vote on Twitter, and Mel's versus El Farolito was our other finalist, and Mel's was the overwhelming favorite in the Twitter poll, maybe because it has more name recognition. Yeah, I know.

Why? The SF page. What happened? What went so wrong? Why did people... Why didn't you guys vote on the Twitter poll? You liked the show? Was it trolling?

Were they trolling us by making that? Did they troll us? I learned that word today. Yeah, so, but Mel's ended up... Mel's is the winner. How do people feel about, obviously, not your favorite versus that other chain I mentioned, but how do you feel about Mel's Drive-In in general? Feels like...

Feels lukewarm. Just some skepticism. Yeah, I get it. I mean, because you go there, and it is very like cheesy, and it is very corny, and like I mentioned, kind of frozen in time, and it also, it's like the diner favorites it does... I mean, they're very expensive. It's like super duper expensive. They had a bunch of...

A list of brunch items, and they all were $21.50, and they're just like, that's a lot of money. For brunch. Even the front bay area, that's a lot of money. It was like the brunch deal. It was like, eggs benedict and an orange juice for $21, like, this sucks. Yeah, right. So... I would say maybe, like, about Mel's, do you guys end up eating there?

Is that like how you would... It's like, you never, like, choose it, but sometimes... Oh, they're sadly not eating. Yeah, they're all like, yeah. Yeah. Fucking fell asleep in a few Mel's. I'll tell you that much. Facedown in my poutine.

I don't even... Do they serve that there? We're not in Canada. Dude, we're pretty far north, bro. Dude, Coover's pretty close. They call it Coover. To Cooves. So, yeah, I mean, it's like so, so expensive, and...

But basically, you know, like, you can get similar stuff at... Not similar quality. I think the ingredient quality is a little better here, and the portions are a little better. But, I mean, if you want to, like, a Denny's, it's like the equivalent sort of, like... It's like a Denny's Plus. Yeah. It's like a Denny's Plus. Right.

Slash Sober Up Food. And it's also akin to another chain that I think will have covered by the time this episode releases, but there's a Southern California original called Norms, which is a similar... Of a similar era, and it's a very hyper-local diner chain, and it serves a similar purpose of just having... But they're, like, very heavy food. Famously inexpensive, right? Yeah.

Yeah. I live by one, and I always see it, and I'm like, is this a 329 for four eggs, four pieces of bacon? I'm like, that can't even be true. Like, that... Right. What are they using? They have some specials that are pretty good if you're a value-conscious consumer.

So, yeah, it's a... It's also another way to say it, yeah. It's the subtitle for the fucking AI that's learning. So, we went to Mel's this morning for brunch. I'd say it was about 40%, 50% capacity, and next to a very loud table of guys who were talking... I don't know if you noticed, Mitch, they were talking about Star Wars. They were talking about Star Wars.

I think they were tech bros. Boo! Boo! How do we feel? We're tech bros. Sorry. We might be tech bros, might be, you know, filtered out for a more bro-y performance like Game Two.

You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. You might have faced some of the tech bros. Is there anyone here who considers themselves a tech bro? No one? No one? I know, I'm a fucking... Do you know how to admit it?

There's gotta be one tech bro. There's gotta be one tech bro. Oh, did the guy just raise his hand? Yeah. Someone's just like, yeah, like a girlfriend guy, yeah. Zuckerberg is here. I'm a tech bro. He's fucking shredded.

Oh, shit. Using all of your information, I gained more power and strength. He closes like the fucking Infinity Gauntlet, snap. We all lose half of our friends. Bezos did get jacked. He looks like Mark Strong. He's just like so, like, ripped. And he used to be this little tort, but, you know, more, I guess because he has more money

than he knows what to do with. He got a personal trainer and he got fucking jacked. Man, I'd be so pissed off if in the Infinity War I didn't dissolve. It would be such a bummer to be like, I lived. And Mitch looks at me and goes, I don't feel so good. And then just stays there. And he's like, must be just my lifestyle. I've seen every outcome and Mitch, you die early and all of them.

Everyone comes back and they're like, where's Mitch? He died in the short span where you guys were gone. He ran the tele security guard and fucking really hurt himself. I'll just say, as someone who hasn't seen that new Avengers, that movie came, like people started to spoil in that one real quick. I think it was just too much fun to make jokes about that. Yeah, it's a lot in that movie. Right.

Yeah. But yeah, people started at like, I was just like, oh, that's a crazy ending. And then I knew about it. I feel like opening weekend without you. Have you seen it yet? No, I haven't seen it. Jesus Christ. You've seen Deadpool two, four times.

Right. Big pool head. Which was the last movie you went and saw? Oh, solo. You saw. I saw solo. What was before that? I'm thinking it's a child's movie.

Let's see. In theaters? Mm-hmm. Um, wait, what? What came out this year? Cocoa. Cocoa. Cocoa was last year.

Cocoa's a good bet. Wait, hold on. What? Wait, what? Ferdinand. For the bull movie. I was there for the John Cena bull movie. No, I can't.

I honestly can't remember. I've been to them. I go to the movies a fair amount, but I can't remember the last movie I saw in theaters prior to solo. You told me a story where you were at. What movie theater were you at? Where it was? It was a children's screening.

Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, yeah, I saw a Lego Batman by myself. And there was a you sat next to a mom and her child and the mom looked at you nervously as what you said. Well, because you got a white lab coat and a clown nose on. I'm Pat Chad. Mark Zuckerberg. Is that in the Bay Area?

Is that in Topical? What is that? What are you? What the fuck are you talking about? I have no idea. I thought that movie took place in NorCal. I don't even know what I'm talking about. I think regardless of where you are geographically, if you're referencing Patch Adams, you're

not being Topical. Should I wrote like 10 minutes of Patch Adams? Oh boy. Got a bunch of stuff about this 15-year-old movie. Over 10 years old and the actor is dead now. Dude, I cried so much the first time I saw that movie. Patch Adams? Yeah.

I really got caught up in it. I was a big Williams head. Yeah. Hey, a San Francisco and a legend. And a legend. A legend. Yeah. I'm holding you to five.

He's holding my thigh. He was like, hey, you know what? Yeah. Mark Zuckerberg, his wife from Quincy, Massachusetts. Wow. Would you look at that? Fascinating. Oh, yeah.

Now it's a good thing you didn't go to Wu-Tang Clan. Because you heard quite a cool rap. Guys, please, no one tweet that. No one spoil that. Let the audience hear that for the first time on the podcast. That Zuckerberg's wife is from Quincy, Massachusetts. I got a question. I got a question.

Yes. Anyway, I don't even know how this works. Is anyone, is the only show they want to cluster fest, Dough Boys? No. No. People have better judgment than that. Yeah. That was, yeah.

Right after you fuck a girl. Like, are you, am I the best sexual partner you've ever had? Now? You're 30. You're only halfway in. Oh, yeah. Halfway. I know.

Just wait till you get the other half. Looking around the room. The sneak out of the room. So Mel's this morning, we sat down. What do you want me to do? You're getting bad at the audience. Just take the laugh and keep going, dude. No, you guys, it's a comedy rule.

They're laughing. It's working. Go. I thought you guys looked exacerbated. So I was reacting to you. That's part of the comedy. When I do that, they get heightened because I don't really care if you segue. I just fucking matrixed the bottle water.

All right. You know the matrix when he almost knocks something over once? I know recycling. I will say fine diner coffee, like just like lots of like just solid diner coffee. Now I am exacerbated. Ample refills. Exasperated is what I said. I'm so dumb, Nick.

I'm sorry. No, everything's fine. This is important. Great, like a diner tradition, nice shit. Hot brown water, hot brown. What did you do before this show? Three joints. I saw him do it.

And I was like, oh, he must always do this. I don't think that's the case. I was trying to get to say hot brown, but I couldn't get myself to do it. Also, someone came up to me was like, the only weed we have is this like potion thing. And I was like, oh, I'll try. Oh, that's them. I guess you're, you're to blame. I was like, I'll try that.

And I did it. And I was like, I don't think I got anything. Then I did it again. And then I walked away and I went, oh, my mouth tastes weird. And then I was like, so you did something that is like repeatedly established as a thing you're not supposed to do in childhood fairy tales. You took a potion from a stranger. Hold on a second.

Besides, he was one of those joints. I saw you eat like two or three weed gummies. It would be the fucking police. Chill out, man. Is this an intervention about pot? It's a comedy festival. I was watching Action Bronson and Wu-Tang. I had to blaze.

I have to fucking come up here and talk to you guys for an hour. Rich, you like that? Add personality to a show. Did I like that coffee? You're not much of a coffee drinker. I'm not much of a coffee drinker, but I love a, hey, who doesn't love a good diner coffee? Yeah. I think it's well, like, you know, sorry, I tried to get them on board with this shit.

I'm like, just like a classic diner coffee. Sometimes, you know, I like like a nice, you know, espresso or I like like a nice pour over if you go to an artisan place that does a nice brew, but I will like it just a classic diner coffee that's been sitting on that burner all day. I'm so prone to adding cream and sugar in a diner, which is something I never do in my coffee, but a diner I feel like you're like, I might as well just open this half and a whole half and half into a four ounce cup of coffee.

And you had an iced coffee. They threw a little web topping on there. Which, yeah, they brought, he got a refill on his iced coffee and they parked back with whipped cream on it. Yeah, they just guessed that they were like, trying to get out of here for 40 years old? Here, here's some fucking whipped cream on top. I think they did the same thing with your water at one point.

They're like, just get this fucking guy out of here, fill him up with whipped cream. So let's get into the food. We got a golden brown Belgian waffle for the table. That's right. Some strawberries and whipped cream on that. Hold on a second. Who's team pancakes? Oh, I should have said cheer.

Pretty tepid, pretty tepid. Wow. Who's team waffle? Wow. Wow, what? Waffle over pancake for life. I agree. I'm just shocked.

I feel like I'm going to be like, I agree. I'm just shocked. I feel like there's way more of a split usually. Hold on. There's a Gary Johnson slash Jill Stein option here. Oh shit. Oh no.

It makes a noise for hashtag French toast. What? Oh, shit. Pancakes are last? Yeah, pancakes in third place. Holy shit. That is crazy. What is wrong with you people up here?

Pancakes are either in third place or didn't know they were supposed to yell when you just went, who's team pancake? Should we do one on the end? Just a double check? Yeah, one more, one more hashtag team pancakes. But not many. And if you listening at home want to chime in, hit us with team bonjour if you're a French toast.

Team... I thought you were going to take over here. No. We each do one. I thought I set us up for a kind of good split there. Hashtag team Johnny Gabriel's cakes if you like pancakes. What the fuck? Like Johnny's cakes when we're throwing in Gabriel's.

And team... I don't fucking know for waffles. Hashtag team waffles aren't offals. I like it a lot. All right. I like it a lot. What is that one? Belgium, right?

They're from... Waffles from Belgium? I mean, this was established as a Belgian waffle, but yeah, I think... What? Episode 300 of a food show. Hey, the Belgian waffle from Belgium or something? Yes. We had...

This is true. Yes. Nick, you remember this. We had a months-long fight over whether waffles were dessert or not. Do you remember this? Oh, yeah. Well, that's because our friend David Phillips got involved. He does not give ground.

He never gives up. But we got to a huge, huge fight of whether waffles are dessert. And I say no. They're breakfast. I think they're breakfast and dessert. I think they got there like touching into donut territory in that way. Yeah. And you'll see them on dessert venues.

If you were going to a dinner party, you wouldn't bring waffles for everyone to eat after... Like, you're like, I brought dessert. Would you bring waffles? Everyone's like, all right, man. The police are here. I'm a strong swimmer. Just get in the car. Don't hurt anybody.

What are you going to tell Natalie about this weekend? That's what I want to know. Tell her I'm happy to be home. Say I was up all night listening to the buzzsaw in the room next to me. Then I'll give her a firm handshake and we'll go to sleep in our different beds. She'll respond with, you were gone this weekend? I'm running out for a few. It takes off. I thought that waffle was, as I mentioned in the restaurant,

I thought there was something off with the waffle mix. I didn't like the waffle itself. I thought the strawberries were very fresh and very nice, but just the waffle flavor-wise just didn't quite connect for me. Mitch, you liked it. I started going, you know, that this, Gabor's pointed out that the syrup really kind of infused with the waffle. Right.

Yeah, because it was a little dry. The batter, there was something off about the batter a little bit, which is a shame because it smelled so good when we got in there. And the old part of the waffle, the waffle that sat for the whole meal, soaked in the, like marinated in the maple syrup. And then you were like, this is actually pretty good. I'm like, yeah, dude, you're eating like soaking wet syrup waffle. Right. Of course it fucking tastes good.

And it was, by the end, it was fantastic. It was fantastic. It's what it needed. But so sadly, hey, it was, it was kind of, at first, I thought it was an awful waffle. I did not, I was not a fan of it. I'm going to start marinating my waffles in fucking syrup. But as soon as they're done, I'm going to drop them in a big vat of syrup. That's your takeaway from that?

Pull them out, pop them right in as I finish my half marathon. So yeah, I feel like that waffle was maybe a little disappointing for the amount of calories you're getting. And then we got into our individual food, and I'll start. So I got myself a... Oh my God. This is fantastic. You got to hear what this fucking guy ordered. Okay, here, hold on.

We said... I think we, you should reveal what you got last. Okay, I'll go last. Go ahead, Mitch. Okay, I got myself Eggs Benny. Who's an Eggs Benny fan? There's no better, to me, I think it's my favorite egg prep. Oh yeah? Yeah.

Yeah, because it adds sauce on top. Finally, it takes eggs and adds sauce. It's my favorite... And it came with the... What's it called? Canadian bacon. Canadian bacon. I got this.

I think I got a... You fucking accused me of being too high to be on the podcast like five minutes ago. I got contact time. Now he's looking at me and he's like, what's your code and my favorite dish that I just made the crowd cheer about? When we were in Tonga Room last night, I was like,

man, someone's smoking weed in here in Gabriel's like, it's me, I have eight joints in my pockets. Everywhere you go, you... It's me, the cartoon drug guy. I love an Eggs... A Good Eggs Bunny. And it was good. It came with a side of potatoes,

which I made sure that I got. The woman was like, potatoes, got it. And when she walked away, she took our order, then Mitch looked at the menu and goes, it says it comes with fruit here. I want potatoes. Like God forbid she like put fruit in front of the guy. He like knocked it out of the way to eat the waffle.

She's like, I know you want potatoes. I know you've got a big truck to drive in a couple of hours. I know you've got to throw salmon at tourists or something. Or at tourists throw salmon into your cage. It works both ways. I've got to throw salmon at people? Yeah, you're like a fish market looking guy. Like a longshoreman.

I thought you were saying he was a classic freak. That he was just in a cage for people's amusement. People have never thrown food at me. That was a complaint. That was a fucking complaint. Did you hear the tone in his voice? No one's ever thrown food at me. I do not let that become a thing.

Fucking podcast fans are crazy. You'll just get like blasted in the head with a burrito every afternoon. Mcdonald's power hour. Fuck. I enjoyed my eggs Benedict. It looked good. It was tasty and the home fries were pretty good too. I got a fresh squeezed orange juice with that

that I had to put ice in because it was warm. Don't give a swarm of fresh squeezed oranges. Fresh squeezed cold oranges. That's what, yeah, I mean truly, yeah. Put them in the fridge. It's going to be cold. Why are the oranges so hot? I'm with you.

I just forgot I was on a podcast. I just thought I was like, I'll do a Seinfeld bit for Mitch and Nick. I look out and I'm like, and all you freaks. This is like a magical festival. I opened a door and John Stewart was on stage giving a Q&A. Right. And then we got in an elevator. We went up a couple of flights and the elevator doors opened

and Tauley was standing there. And I said hello to him. Yeah. I'm like a little kid. I was like, hi Tauley. I told you he was real, man. Okay. And then George comes up behind him and shoots him in the mouth.

You always have to compare me to you have Mice and Man. It's the only book I ever read. We also rounded a corner like right by this. They have us like often in these adjunct dressing rooms. And while we were like rounding a corner heading towards the elevators and just like all these blue guys were there. These painted blue guys. Yeah.

For arrest development. Yeah. They were all in jean shorts, never nudes and painted fully blue. Yeah. Absolutely haunting. It was very haunting. It was truly unsettling. Like turning a corner is just 12 dudes painted blue.

It felt like a fucking Lynch movie. This whole weekend has been like that episode of The Simpsons where Bart goes to Mad Magazine headquarters. Just Alfredine Newman is in there. David Cross was out. Everyone likes David Cross. Everyone likes David Cross. Everyone likes David Cross.

They wish he was on stage right now. He was outside of our show and I was like what are you doing? I was like a podcast with this guy Nick Weiger and he's like I got to check it out. And then I was like cool. I was like I just came from Wu Tang and he's like oh and he left to go to Wu Tang. Immediately like didn't even say a word went right to Wu Tang and I don't blame him. And now he's disappointed he hasn't met your friend from Quincy. I got the French dip.

I tried to Weiger that one. I got the French dip and with onion rings on the side and I got a side slider. So my meal was a sandwich and a smaller sandwich on the side. Which the waitress brought and she was like who does this go to? She was so confused. I was like Mahalo sweetheart right here. I did not say that. And then and I got, wait that's all.

Onion rings. And onion rings. We'll get to it. I like that. Wait we can talk about the onion rings now. The onion rings are great. The onion rings are great. The French dip was really wonderful.

And the slider I got which was their short rib which they said was one of their specialties and I was like oh yeah I'll grab a little sandwich on the side. That thing was fucking great. And then we rined out with Weiger's meal. And this is a person. This is a huming being. A humming being. Mitch yesterday I just let you lead the way in terms of where we were going to eat and drink.

Hell yeah I showed you a great fucking time. I ate like Mitch for a day and I immediately understood why you were constantly complaining of stomach cramps. Because all it was was just like everything was so heavy and so starchy and so today you guys were like I'm going to get what I feel like. And I said you know what I'm going to latch on to the spirit of that statement. I'm going to get what I feel like. So here's what I felt like.

I got myself a house salad. I got myself the Haven's famous vegetarian sandwich which is avocado sprouts and tomato on nine grain bread. And on the side I got a cup of Deborah's famous Texas chili served with onions and cheese. Had some beans in there. I thought it was a reasonable thing to eat. This is something your uncle fresh out of a halfway house makes when he comes to your house. How salad a veggie sandwich and a cup of chili on the side.

Look I'm a huge veggie sandwich advocate. Literally a prison meal. I'm a huge veggie sandwich advocate. I think that a well-made veggie sandwich is a top tier sandwich. You get a good one with a good mix of ingredients. It's delicious. Very little support for that. It's the same place to say that in San Francisco I feel like.

I know it's still very few people on my side but it's what I believe. It's my truth. Thank you. This was a bad. That's fine. I like the passion. I just fell down with a heart attack. I admire the passion.

Help him. What is this show? Why do you have to do an impression of his sad girlfriend or wife? Friend. Try and always place a woman as related to someone else. Oh, fuck you. She was a doctor, Mitch. Why did she care that much?

She cared about her job. Because she grew up watching patch adders. Okay, now roll with me on this. The issue was this vegetarian sandwich was whack. It was just literally avocado sprouts and tomatoes expecting some sort of spread to make an appearance. No spread. And they think they wanted to be vegan but it was a very half-assed way to do a vegan sandwich. Throw some hummus or something on there.

Or throw enough avocado for it to work as a spread. Better yet, throw it in the fucking trash. Come on. Throw it in my hamster cage for him to shit on. My hamster Gucci Mane is going to shit on that. That was our hamster's name growing up. Was it really? My brother had a hamster named Gucci Mane.

Gucci Mane? It's cool. We love them. God, there's more gabresses. Jesus. Do not try to find them. You don't know about me? They don't have podcasts.

Veggie sandwich was whack. How salad was a delicious diner salad? It should be for $7.50. I mean, that's an insane amount. A very, very expensive side salad. Again, even for the Bay Area. The chili on the side I thought was delightful. You know, Texas style chili a lot of times doesn't have beans.

It is just meat. This one did have some kidney beans in there, but I thought it was very good, very thick, very meaty. And then we finished things off for dessert with a, and we need to very quickly get to our ratings, because the clock is a ticking, my friends. We end up with a vanilla malt, which they helpfully divided into two cups for easy sharing.

That's true. Sir, we just want to know where the woman is. Tell us where the woman is. I had a chili on the side. Of course, great man. Where is the body? That malt, I thought was great. I enjoyed that malt.

I like the malt a lot too. I don't like sweets early in the day. They're sort of a nightender for me in a way. That's how I wind down. Transition to indigo and ice cream. Yeah, I thought it was good. I feel like if you ordered some diner-y stuff, and I'm not trying to shit on your veggie sandwich,

but I feel like the more diner-y stuff was decent. Yeah, I agree. I agree. But it would be nice for a place that specializes in diner classics to have a good veggie sandwich option. But I will say that, though, the Texas chili was quite good. So let's get to our ratings on this. You guys know how this works.

We'll go around. We'll say our final closing statement, closing argument, if you will, on Mel's Drive-In, and close it out with a rating from zero to five, four. Xgabris, we will begin with you. This place lands in a weird spot for me, because it's like, I like that kind of basic diner food type stuff, but they don't do it well enough or cheap enough

in the kind of, you know, we can make it fast, we can make it good, or we can make it cheap, but you can't have all three, right? Something like that. It's like a freelancer adage. I finally just decided to be good at business. But like, and so it doesn't hit the right spots for me, so I'm going to hit it with three forks.

Three forks, very solid. Go ahead, Mitch. Because I'm sorry, because it did do what it tends to do for maybe $2 more per dish than I want it to, but that's pretty much why I have it. The price point is bad, I agree with that. But hey, baby, you get in there and you're swinging. Bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim.

Baby, baby, it looks like it. Why do you think Mitch likes the fifties themed of the restaurant? Ask the fucking Quincy guy why I like the fifties thing. The show's almost over for fuck's sake. I'm not racist. I know, I know, I just thought I'd say that. Screaming on stage, I'm not racist.

Something only racist ever have to say. Michael, how's your time in Hollywood? Good on stage, I'm not racist. Sir, we just want to know where the body is. You're in there, it's got a 50 vibe. Hey, we're having fun. Hey, look at that, George Lucas's fat face is on the wall. He's watching you eat.

This reminds me of Dexter Jetser Steiner. And the, and uh, what's- Episode two. Episode two. And this is where that whole gang, Ron Howard and his friends came in American graffiti to try to fuck or cum or something. I have no idea, I've never seen the movie. Fuck or cum. Fuck or cum. I could only cum when I'm not fucking.

It's my own black mirror episode. I cum constantly unless I'm fucking. Wow, man. I don't know what happens in American graffiti, but it's a fun little Americana thing. You should see it. I'll see it later. I brought the blu-ray, let's put it on.

Look, it's clear that George Lucas took some, I mean obviously he directed American graffiti, he put some of that in episode two, and he pulled other things from around San Francisco for his Star Wars movie, the AT-AT Walkers. People know this, right? Yeah. And if George Lucas gives it the thumbs up,

I kind of do too, and hold on a second. I have an experience in this place, I would go there with my family, the one on Sunset Boulevard, and I think it's a fun different diner. I think that some of the food we got today wasn't great, but I'm going to give it four forks, I like it. Mitch's family's like,

thanks for taking us to the fucking diner on Sunset Boulevard again. We went to Saddle Ranch. Oh! The comedy store. Mitch, I agree with the sentiment of what you're saying, because George Lucas, as we know, is a man with impeccable taste.

I mean, radio land murders, red tails, the prequels, basically everything he's touched has been sun-kissed. You're a piece of shit, you know that? I defend the prequels, but here's what I'll say. Mitch, Nick didn't like Solo, by the way. Tell them! I thought it was fine. I didn't love it.

I thought it was fine. The prequel stuff was a little sweaty. We talked about this. We've talked about this three times. Oh, Dice, huh? Yeah, make sure they come back again. Spoiler alert, the Dice are in the movie. I'm just glad the question was finally answered

of how he got the nickname Chewy, because I was just like, well, this guy's name is Chewbacca. Why are they calling him Chewy? Someone needs to connect, like, explain, tie up this loose end. I think people don't know who Chewbacca is. They only know him as Chewy.

All right, guys. So, but I'll say this. It's just too expensive. And for what you get, like, there are lots of places that do this sort of diner fare just as well. The theming is nice, but I mean, I think you'll find other 50s diner concepts that'll do similar, have similar attempts.

That's what you're looking for. I think this is like, if it's your only option, because its main asset is that it's open till 3 a.m. or 24 hours in some cases. But I think you get the same thing by going to a much more cost-efficient place if you're just looking for some fare that's going to either help you sober up

or help you sop up a hangover. For that reason, I can't go higher than two and a half forks for Mel's diner. Wow. I'm so happy to get to say, yeah, wow. But yeah, that was Mel's diner. I give you two and a half forks as a person, you piece of shit.

Shit. We finally figured out Mike's fork rating of Nick. This is canon. I said, Nick, you and I had a great weekend. We had a lot of fun. We did. We both realized we don't like to do anything. We had a great time.

We sat on the couch and we watched Netflix and our Airbnb. It's true, very true. We had a great time. Hey, you know, so we're super, super tight on time, but we're just going to speed through what we've got. So we've got a separate segment. We're going to decide if it's worth pointing your mouth.

It's Snacker Whack. What the fuck? You understood what he said. So Ray got these for us. Ray, who works here, get big hand for Ray. Give it up for Ray. Surprise us with these loaded cool ranch Doritos. We're going to taste these really quickly.

And I think we'll probably just distribute these into the audience. They might be piping hot. So if anyone wants to reach in and grab one. Oh, he did our pipe there. No rush. Something got whispered into. No rush.

Okay. No rush. We wanted to do two rush cover songs and she just told us. No rush. No rush. Rush denied. I have to say, these are so hot.

I was like, thank God we don't have to rush. I can't eat this thing for five minutes. There's going to be some bad Freddy Krueger mouth going on. Oh, that is piping hot. Yeah, let's wait a second. So for people who aren't here, there are these little triangles that are the shape of Doritos. They're the triangular shape with the Doritos coating,

but they're kind of stuffed inside. They've kind of got like a jalapeno popper slash nugget sort of consistency to them. Like a triangle Mutsi stick. Exactly. It's a triangle thing. We clearly have one for each of you. Mitch is walking into the audience to distribute

some of these to the people who are here live. Do you guys want to know why Mitch and I are such good friends? Do you want to know why we became such fast friends? Because he's bringing that bowl out to the crowd for some of you to try. But he has put more than one apiece over here. He has put four on his plate. I'd put the opposite if you want to try two of them.

Hey, lady, we need that bowl back too. Hey, grab her. Mitch, grab. Mitch, let go of her. Mitch, you're too strong. You're petting her to death. Where's the bowl, sweetheart? Smile, love.

So there was a version of these. It's empty already. Just throw it on the stage there. Thank you. Thank you. There was a version of these that were at 7-Eleven, I believe. There was a nacho cheese variant. Yeah, this I recognize from fighting to not order at SEVS.

Right. One of my scratch-offs. I can't eat fucking poppers all day. And this I think is the frozen one that's available at retail and that's been heated up. I assume, hey, Ray, what did you get a toaster oven on these? The Christmas makes me think toaster oven. I'm looking for a thumbs up from the wing.

She fucking left. I mean, I think she's like running the festival, not just getting food. Oh, that's one job. Ray, how'd you make them? She's like, I'm busy, guys. But they do have the Christmas like they've been warmed up. Well, last night we had Totino's Pizza Rolls as well

as part of a bit. And so I think that they used a toaster last night too. It makes a big difference. So much better than a microwave, right, guys? Yeah, I've been into two of these and there's no cheese in the middle of them. The same thing for you? It's very light.

It's light on the cheese. Yeah, even the ones that have cheese in them. I gotta say, I think it's pretty good. I mean, it's like, I feel disgusting eating it. More disgusting than eating like Cool Ranch Doritos, which is an excellent snack. Would I rather have jalapeno poppers? Yeah.

But if this is what's on hand and someone was eating them up, I'd have a bite of these. You get the Cool Ranch flavor out. Like you actually taste Cool Ranch. This is shocking, right? Very well actually. The people in the front row, everyone else hates us. Sorry, we brought eight and we ate four of them.

Wait, I have a question for you guys. I think now that we know we have a little time, here's a question. If you could only have one... Our flight is at like 10.30. Yeah, we do have to, yeah. We don't actually have... Oh, there was another reason we did need to end right now.

If you could dip anything, dream dips for this. What do you go with? I feel like sour cream is like the go-to answer because it's nacho-esque, but there's also maybe an argument for marinara. That's what I was going to say, marinara, because you're talking... You made the correct app comparison

that these are a lot like a mozzarella stick. Yeah. I think, I think say marinara or, you know, maybe if you wanted a little salsa on there. Ooh, salsa is interesting. What are people saying? Greek. Greek?

Cream cheese. No, they said cream cheese. You got this thing that's stuffed with cheese, and you're going to dip it in more cream cheese that's downright decadent. Brie. Brie. That's more decadent.

That's crazy. That person just, it was like, showed us a gout ball on their foot. Brie. I also think they're unclear on what a dip is. Pizza. Dip the Dorino things in pizza, yeah. You used pizza as a dip, yeah.

Pizza. Oh, this is the only word you can say. Pizza. Oh, okay. This is a definite snack for me. What do you guys think? I'm going snack as well. Hell yeah, bro.

I'm going fucking full snack. Those of you in the audience who are going to taste this, shout out the consensus. Shout out snack. Shout out whack. I don't think they even tried them. We know you didn't get any back there. And there's no way you could have eaten these things.

We bought it at a store any other way. My God, the Wu tank came in to watch the rest of our show. Yo, what's up? Shout out whack. They never would do that. All right, that was snack or whack. Again, thanks to Ray for getting those. All right, just like a rest for everybody,

feedback, let's open up the feedback. So we've got time for just a few audience questions. There's a mic in the center of the aisle there. You can either queue up at the mic, or if you want to distribute it with a crowd, it's like people are queuing up. So go ahead and step up to the mic, tell us your name, and tell us your question.

We'll take just a few. Hi. Hi, I'm Celine. Hi. Hi. I had a question. I was wondering what was your most controversial winner, controversial winner of any of the tournaments?

Like chicken? What do you get the most negative feedback of the winner? I think it's still in and out burger, because I think there are a lot in and out burger skeptics there. Right? Am I wrong? I mean, people hate dominoes, too. We failed at every tournament.

Everyone, someone's unhappy. People are actually Wendy's spicy chicken winning their chicken tournament. Yeah, no one liked it. People are like, Popeyes is clearly better. Like you guys are insane. Chick-fil-A is better. So yeah, you're right.

Here's my thing about the burger tournament. The Big Mac didn't enter it. It's not a real... We got to get the Big Mac in there. We hadn't reviewed McDonald's yet, and also I think it's tough to determine... What? I think it's tough to pick one burger from McDonald's.

Can I text Susser right now, return of the Big Mac, so we can just remember that when he... When he eventually needs a third semi-colon from one of these fucking tournaments. What did you think? What was your most controversial winner? I loved the Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich. Very much, but it just seemed unfair.

Like it's Popeyes. It's fried chicken. It should be the chicken winner, you know? Yeah, I got you. You know? Spicy, but still good. I didn't take issue. It was just like, you know, it was a little surprising.

And dominoes, like, I do prefer Blaze, but I understand, like... Because when it goes through the competing, it's kind of different as opposed to, like, what's your favorite pizza chain? It's like, when it goes up against it. Anyways. So it seems like you also have a problem with all of them.

Thank you for the question. I appreciate it. Next in line. Hi, what's your name? What's your question? Hey, what's up? I'm Frank. Hi, Frank. Hey, hey.

Frank, you're a cool dude. You look very cool. I mean that honestly. He's got sunglasses on his shirt. He looks cool. I think we got a tech bro in our midst. Not me, dude. Maybe.

I'm just here at a podcast festival and I work in tech, bro. Uh, tech. You got it. So it is, is Gabriel the first chance, or first choice replacement for when one of you guys pass away and... John, who's your money on? Oh, here's the problem.

Because I know they're both going to die in police assistance to a son of a... Suicide by police and some weird fucking... Push Cassidy in Sundance moment. So I'll slide in solo and then maybe bring it, bring Nangang up. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah.

That's her podcast. Bring Nangang from the Hall of Fame back down to this stupid ass podcast. Spoon Nation and Mahalo, John. Hell yeah. All right, so we got four more people in line. We'll cut off the questions there. So don't even bother getting up.

Who's already lined up. Hi, what's your name? What's your question? Hi, my name's Allie. Hi, Allie. My question is for Nick and Mitch. If you guys want to open... Yeah, I'm saying that. Sorry.

No, don't worry. I don't know. You're right. It's for Nick and Mitch. Okay. So... You said that first. If you were to open a restaurant together,

where would it be and what kind of food would you serve? You know, we've talked about this a little bit before, Mitch. Yeah. And I think we sort of settled on, we would have a... We like the idea of like a grown-up pizza parlor. Yes. Like the pizza party is such a fun thing and like a version of the old school like Pizza Hut

that used to have the, you know, the Budweiser dome lights and the pictures of Broodog and the pictures of Soda for the kids and they'll bring the pizza to your table. It's like, it's exciting. A little too enthusiastic about the kid part there. Come on. The kids would be there too. But yeah, where would we open it is a good question.

I would pitch, Mitch, you like the island lifestyle. Let's go to the island of... The islands of Hawaii. And we'll put it up there. We are going to open a pizza parlor in Hawaii. Yeah, why not? All right. Yeah, he's right.

If you split up duties between the two of us, the side of my menu would be empty and never, nothing would be done. Right. I don't think we can work anymore together than we already do. Right. I think it also too, it would be like if we tried to open a restaurant that everyone who had paid any attention to our food criticism at any point would be like, oh, these guys have no business talking about

what they're talking about, passing judgment on anyone. These two inept dunderheads. Yeah, I think it'll open an old school pizza parlor. We have beers and you can have a good time. That went away. That's kind of sad to me. Yeah. Do you have a name for it?

Mitch and Wiger's Pizza Paradise. Oh, God. Unlovely Kauai. Oh, God. Thanks for the question, Allie. All right. Three more questions. Hi, what's your name?

What's your question? Hi, my name is Thorin. Hi, Thorin. A very simple question. Wait, I'm sorry. Can I answer it if I might know the answer? Yes, absolutely. Most certainly.

I tried to clam up there so we could hear their fucking pizza. Hope you're happy, Allie. Made your own bed. I would like to know what is the worst meal you've ever had emotionally? Oh, wow. That's a deep question. I cry during all of them.

That's a really good question. That's a really deep question. I have an answer. I have an answer. It's too sad. I can't say it. It's fucking sad. Yeah.

Something that I, yeah, like eat, like, like, I have had a moment and I won't say what it is, but it was like, where I was like... Eating food as I was like a tasting salt from my body on the food. But I can't say it. It's too sad. That's funny enough that you know that I was just like... It's got to be similar in my situation. I feel like the night after my dad passed away, me and my...

You know, I'm going to tell it. I'm not going to fucking dance around some bullshit. We were back at my childhood home, me and my family. I'll leave names out of it. We were just getting high and there were some, like, Italians give each other food when people die. I'm sure it's similar in other cultures. Like, I know it's true in Jewish.

So we got fucking Gino's pizza delivered, like, all the fucking time on Jerusalem Avenue. And we just kept having all these pizzas in the house. And they knew we love buffalo chicken pizza. And we had all this buffalo chicken pizza in the fridge. And I just remember being, like, one night, stoned as fuck, like, crying with my brothers, eating fucking pizza. And it's just like...

And a buffalo chicken pizza is, like, my favorite thing to eat. I remember at my grandfather's funerals, they opened a buffalo chicken pizza and my wife went, Yes! And we all looked at her and she's like... Because Gino's buff chicken pizza is fucking fire. And to be clear, mine was when McDonald's discontinued the big and tasty.

Sir, that's the last big and tasty. Thank you, Thorin. Two more questions real quick. Hi. Hello. I've got a question for all three of you. Yeah, what's up, dude? In the past, I've heard that you would never rate McDonald's

because it's pretty much in its own category. Sort of like a standalone. So it's kind of a double question, but it's for each of you. Has there ever been a restaurant in the past that you've had to rate that you felt guilty about rating because that is your own personal McDonald's? Or is there a place each one of you would... Maybe it hasn't come up yet. Or maybe it has in conversation, but you would go,

No, I can't do it because that is my place to a point where I could never rate it fairly. Oh, you're asking if we have integrity. I would say that we clearly do not. No, because we'll go to our favorite places and we'll just say, like, this is great and people should like it. So I think our rationale for McDonald's is... I mean, at this point, it might be stubbornness more than anything.

We just like that we haven't done it. Yeah, we'll do it at some point. We'll do it at some point, baby. It just leaves something to look forward to in life. Right, yeah. But I don't... They've just been recording a 15-minute episode every night when he eats McDonald's.

At 2 a.m. he eats a new McDonald's meal. 12,000 hours at the end when we finally end the podcast. It's going to be a Patreon. It's going to be $30 a month, but it's going to be pretty budgeted now. By the way, speaking of McDonald's, that fresh beef quarter pounder. This fucking...

Oh, God, it's so great. We brought Harris Whittles, who's the late great, our friend, who passed away. All right. We said that we would have it, but also, like, people were like, they're not going to rate it because of Harris. And that's not true.

Yeah. We would still do it without Harris, but he was probably the guy I would ask to do McDonald's because he loved McDonald's. Right. So we'll be thinking about it. Well, maybe the last episode will be McDonald's or something, but as far as that goes,

I'm afraid to take you to Pizzeria... Let's get it in the can soon, guys. You can't choose your last episode all the time. I'm afraid for you to try Pizzeria Regina because I don't want it to be mean to you. I'll go in there with an open mind. I assure you. Full of shit.

Awesome. Thank you so much for the question. And one more. Go ahead and sit with the mic. Tell us your name. Right, right. Joseph. Hi, Joseph.

What's your question? So what came first, the McDonald's episode, or the one about Cheshawon sauce? Which one? Who created that partnership? You're asking if there's some sort of conspiracy behind that whole Rick and Morty thing? I don't know.

I'm not privy to any insider info. Cheshawon said they never did McDonald's, right? No, but you're asking about the Cheshawon sauce that was a part of Rick and Morty that was this whole, like, mini scandal. They had a cover for that sauce, especially at McDonald's. Right.

Oh. And they created it for your show, especially. So I thought there was, like, some connection. Well, it wasn't for our show. It was for Rick and Morty. McDonald's has never done anything for us. Oh, yeah. I get that.

They don't know we exist. Yeah. Where do you think you are? I'm not... I'm neither the RZA or the JZA. We may be old fat bastards, but we ain't dirty. I guess we got lost here.

Sorry. Sorry. Yeah, never mind. Thanks, Joseph. I don't remember having Cheshawon sauce. It's got to be a Doughboy's show when you ask the last question to someone who I don't know and knows what Doughboy is.

I hope that... I can't wait for that guy to stab you on the way out here. Me neither. I think that's a good place to cut things off. That's it for this episode. Thanks, guys. John Gamebress. Chris over there in the booth.

Go try to watch the end of Lootang. Zia. Until next time. Number one fuckboy, number one cuckboy. That was a hate gum podcast. Want more Doughboys? Get the Doughboys double our weekly bonus episode by joining the Golden Play Club on Patreon.com

slash Doughboys.