Doughboys - Munch Madness: Finals with Paul Scheer

Episode Date: March 29, 2018

Paul Scheer (The Disaster Artist, How Did This Get Made?) returns for the climactic three-chain showdown in the finals of Munch Madness: The Tournament of Chompions: The Slice is Right: Blaze vs. Costco vs. loser's bracket winner Domino's. With Tournament Commissioner Evan Susser out of a commission, an old friend returns as his Deputy.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It all comes down to this. The winner of Fat Chance Kitchen will be determined in 3...2...1...DOMINOS! Yay! Oh my god, I didn't think you guys were going to say dominoes. The Noid has been avoided. Oh my god. Dominoes re-entering the competition after a stellar showing in the finals of Fat Chance Kitchen. Wow. 10,000 BCE. Nomadic tribes first domesticate the Oroch, an extinct wild predecessor to the modern cow. It took several thousand more years for prehistoric humans to learn to harvest their milk,

not just their meat, and thousands more years after that until farmers in what is now Poland accidentally combined milk with acid from sheep's stomachs to ferment it into cheese. 8,000 BCE. Weak consumption begins at human settlements. By 5,000 BCE, breadmaking was established in ancient Egypt, with preserved loaves having been discovered in mummy's tombs. 1773 CE. Neapolitan writer Vincenzo Carato publishes his cookbook Il Cuoco Gallante,

which contains the first documented Italian recipes centered on a food from the New World, the tomato. While Neapolitan-style pies had been created centuries earlier, it was the addition of tomato sauce to its other key ingredients, dough and cheese that made pizza resemble its modern formulation. In the 20th century, Italian immigrants to the United States imported their homelands creation and perfected it, and Italian-American pizza chains began to produce it at a mass scale, making it one of America's national foods and one of the most beloved dishes in the world. Now, today, in the 21st century, which pizza chain offers the definitive byproduct

of these thousands of years of agricultural innovation? Is the Lebron James-owned individual pie-to-order eatery a slam dunk? Is the club store that slings slices in its food court, a bargain at twice the price? Does the titan of industry that clawed its way through the loser's bracket on Fat Chance Kitchen and back into the tournament successfully avoid the noid? This is for all the marinara, the Dave Thomas Cup! This week on Doe Boys, the finals of Bunch Madness 2018, the Tournament of Chompians, the Slice is Right, Blaze!

Versus... Costco! Versus... Domino's! Let's go! Go is the Dona Boys! Dona Boys! Welcome to Doe Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants.

I'm Nick Weiger, alongside my co-host, heavier Bardem, Mitchie Two Spoons, Mike Mitchell. Hey, that's my favorite insult of all. Hey, congrats to Dylan Nash, who sent that one and Mitch approved it. Dylan, thank you. Rose Spoon Man at Gmail.com. Heavier Bardem, sure, I'll take that. Heavier Bardem, basically. He's got so much presence as an actor already.

He's a good-looking guy anyway. He's got a lot of gravity as a thespian, and you add some actual gravity to that. That was courtesy of Dylan Nash, Rose SpoonMan at Gmail.com. Is the address of you want me to use an insult on Mitch at the top of the show? Well, Nick, the tournament's over. Finally, the Dave Thomas Cup is in the building. It's in your apartment right now that the tournament of Choms is finally at its end. You had this made.

We have a physical trophy. Where's it going to go? I hope it doesn't stay at my house. It's going to settle up right next to that Captain Fazba pop figurine you've had on your desk since, I think, since The Force Awakens came out. So what, two and a half years now? Nick, it's been a month. Big reveal for you.

Yeah. I've been taking a shit all month. Wow. That's a joke, but we've eaten a lot of cheese. We have, yeah. I don't have to say that that's a joke. I just think that people might believe me on listening online and so on. Here, people are more likely to believe you now that you're making such a point out of saying this is a joke.

Anyways, how to how? To Mitchie Two Spoons Nation. Here's a drop. I don't know how it is. Are they taking too long? Please God. Did you not print? What has?

There's a lot of dead air in the front of it. It's just spinning, Liger. It's spinning. Oh, you didn't buffer it in advance. Oh, shut up. We're going to cut all this out. I'm the Spoon Man. Cutta love me.

I'm the Spoon Man. Cutta love me. I'm the Spoon Man. Cutta love me. I'm the Spoon Man. Cutta love me. I'm the Spoon Man. Cutta love me.

I'm the Spoon Man. Cutta love me. I have a question. Yeah. What happened on your prom night? That orange buffoon anal on your prom night. That scared the shit. I never...

I hate drops. I was saying like it's like... I get what you're saying. I hate these fucking things. You could listen to them in advance. You have some sort of screening procedure. I had to go out and get a pizza. That was 10 minutes before the podcast started.

I know. Sorry, Nick. Love you both. Cheers. I don't just pick the email at the top of the inbox and read that as our feedback at the end of the episode. I have to read through them. Tim LeVan Miller.

TimLeVanMiller.com. Okay. He left his number. Should we give his number on so he gets fucking doxed? I don't want to dox our listeners. I think that exposes us legally. 308. Oh boy.

325. We won't say the rest of it. Sorry. Sorry. It was fine. Hey, Mitch. You know, we got a lot going on in this episode. Nick.

There's a lot going on also. We should introduce our guests. But you know what I found out? This is breaking chews to me. I was eating pickles the other day. Pickles are zero calories? Our engineer Emma is nodding in the background. Apparently she knew that.

I did not know that. Zero. That's amazing. There is not a calorie in them. The only one I knew that was like that was celery, which I think actually has negative calories because you burn more calories by chewing it. But I didn't know that about pickles. They should put that on the label.

They should put a negative. A little negative sign. That's amazing. Zero calories. Yeah. Load them up. Have as many gherkins as you like. Yeah.

Yeah. You can go pickle crazy. I had no idea. I think if you probably eat a non-trivial amount of pickled slices, eventually it'll add up. I don't think. How many are you talking about? Like a million pickle slices?

I feel like if you eat a whole pickle spear, that's got to have at least like 15 calories, right? I don't know. It said zero calories. It said zero calories. It's not a substanceless food. It's not like it's not water in food form. It's not like you're eating an ice cube.

It said zero on the back of the thing. Okay. All right. If you want to trust. I think they should give them all for free, personally. Hey, you know, we should introduce our guests, but before we do that, for the finals, Tournament of Champions Commissioner Evan Susser has delegated his authority to a deputy. So please welcome our former production coordinator and host of the podcast, Worst Case Scenario,

Tournament Deputy Commissioner, Yu Song Liu, guys. Wow. As opposed to the theme music that Vince McMahon uses, the theme music for Shane McMahon, his son. So Yu Song is Evan's son. I guess that's canon now. In my hands, I'm holding the actual Dave Thomas cup. It's a weighty trophy.

It's a physical trophy on the side is inscribed in an outburger and Wendy's. This is crazy. It's very exciting. Okay. Okay. Here's the statement from Evan Susser, who I, which I did not read beforehand. Greetings. Due to a personal obligation, Commissioner Susser is unable to be here for today's finals

of Munchman is 2018. The Tournament of Champions. The slice is right. He wanted to wish us well and send a shout out to all his fans. We call us the usual suspects spelled S-U-S-S. What the hell? He also wanted to state he can neither confirm nor deny the rumor that in the upcoming Sonic the Hedgehog movie, there's a scene where big the cat reels in what he thinks is a large

fish, but it turns out that he's cut vector the crocodile. That sounds like you wrote that while you're, but let's get into the tournament proper. Last editions of Munchman has included a vast array of arcane and seemingly arbitrary rules, but all you sung only has one rule. No bullshit. We might physically be in Mitch's apartment on Palmerston, but make no mistake. This is my house. And if any of you give me lip regarding one of my rulings, I'll give you a fat lip.

So let's have a good clean fight and remember it is not who wins or loses the day for Thomas Cup. It is the slices we ate along the way. Guys, this is really aggressive. You saw you. Anyway, yeah, I'm so honored to be here. Well, you song, we're happy to have you. Thank you for that.

That hot fire. You spit out at the top of this, this episode and and we're, we're very, very happy to be under your guidance. They think we're going to make sure this is a very smooth operation. Let's, let's introduce our guest. He's from fresh off the boat. I loved hearing you song too. We got a good crew.

There's a great crew of people here today. We like everyone introduced the guest for God's sakes. I interrupted you from fresh off the boat and how did this get made? Paul Shear is back. Hi, Shear. Wow. How are you guys? I'm very excited to be here for the finals.

The maybe the final of the of the whole thing. You think that of the podcast? I mean, that's a possibility too. You were saying that this is we don't do at the tournament anymore after this one. We've talked about maybe not doing it anymore. Conclude the trilogy. And this is it. This is our return of the Jedi.

This has to happen every month from here on. Oh, wow. Different foods every month. Keep this alive. I want to just say one thing about that pickle thing. Sure. It's just a cucumber. So no calories, but the salt will kill you.

Oh, good point. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's not a healthy snack. Yeah. You shouldn't be just pounding that and being like, coast is clear. Yeah.

It will get you. Yeah. So there's a lot of salt in them. Yeah. That's where all the flavor is. The brine, the salty brine. That's that to me. Yeah.

I mean, it's fine. You can have a lot of salt. It does affect other things. Negative. Right. Why does a cucumber have to taste like shit? Cucumbers suck. Oh, come on.

Cucumbers are all right. No, they're not. You love cucumbers. I didn't say love, but I think they're all right. I think they add a nice, crispy bite to a salad. That's fair. If I had a salad bar, I'll toss some cucumbers on there. Yeah.

I'm not going to just go grab a cucumber, peel it out of my fridge, and start gnawing on it. Yeah. Also, you got more offended. You read insults about me every week, and I said, why do cucumbers have to taste like shit? And you were more offended by that than anything anyone's ever said about me. Oh, yeah.

You with your famously thick skin, all those insults just roll off your back. None of them ever make you complain on the show or later after we've stopped recording. Guys, this is the pizza talking right here. I feel like I've been listening since the entire month, and I've seen a lot of tensions, and I feel like the pizza has corrupted you. I feel like this cheese, the sauce, everything, the spiciness of the sauce, the thickness of the cheese has really gotten in there. I do feel maybe you're the worst I've ever felt in my life.

Oh, I can imagine. Because I just ate three sizes with you guys. I said, oh, I won't eat all of these. And then I did. And now I feel bad. There's a guilt with the amount of food that I feel. So you're not feeling good emotionally or physically. That really weighs you down.

Yeah, no, it's probably why these podcasts have not turned out great. I think we're angry. Do you think these have been bad episodes? Yeah, so far. They've been great episodes. It was really great to start off with someone who doesn't like pizza. I thought that was a strong choice. And then, you know, for all those haters out there that thought the scoring was too complicated,

go fuck yourself. Come on. Ten more categories. I sat in the car with like a pen and paper. I didn't even know there was numbers coming out. College brackets. There was a lot going on, especially when Carl got involved. But, you know, the one thing that I think that I got most moved by this entire month

was, you know, kind of hearing, Mitch, your bad blood with the birthday boys. With Dave. Oh, God. Oh, really? You know, and I don't want to get in the middle. I don't want to get in the middle of anything, but I did get to talk to Dave Ferguson. What the fuck? Hey, Paul, it's Ferguson.

Got your message. It's cool that you're going to be on Doe Boys again. Must be nice. Yeah, I did hear about the episode where Mitch was talking about me and it's a bummer because it's just this pattern with him. He stabs you in the back and then he backpedals like he's just this jolly, lovable, innocent, good guy. But it's just classic Too Faced Mitch.

I mean, anybody who was there knows. Calpacus, Van Hartstown, and hell, even Dutton couldn't stand him. But, you know, he launches one novelty podcast and it's like his Carl's Jr. $6 shit stone stink. What can you do? Anyway, that's the score, but you didn't hear it from me. Hope you're well. Hi to Jun and the Kittos, and I'll see you on the links. He does love to golf.

Ferguson's a big golfer. Motherfucker. You know, I just feel like you got to get to the bottom of that, you know. Ryger, this is your fault. I thought we had an earnest discussion about something that I misunderstood. So, yes, I'm sorry if that. I thought that was done and buried. I thought we dealt with it, so I apologize for that resurfacing.

A true piece of shit. I don't think I'm, I don't think I'm complicit in this resurfacing now. I don't think it's fair to blame me for this because we'd discussed this. We'd resolved it. I think your beef is with Ferguson. Actually, hold on a second weirdly. Hold on a sec. I got a voicemail.

Hey, Mitch, it's Ferguson. I just want to give you a heads up. Paul Scheer called me asking if I record a voicemail playing into this bullshit about us having a beef. Honestly, he sounded so desperate that I feel like I should just do it to give the guy a break. But I wanted you to know because you're my best friend and it's not like some human giant is going to come between two birthday boys. Give me a break. Okay, well, I'll see you on the links. That's son of a bitch.

Wow, a classic Ferguson double cross. Guess what? All of us birthday boys are back stabs. That was like the usual suspects right there. Everything came around. What took me off for a second there is that he referenced human giant and Scheer's very funny sketch show, but I thought it was referring to you, Mitch, physically. God damn it.

Wow. You asshole. So it's squashed. There's no beef at all. It was just having a laugh. You know what? Like breaking your face, right? It was classic Jervais.

He was having a laugh. Hey, God's a bit of a twat, isn't he? Boy, that was just a joke. God's not real at all. Boy, the hell. You know, just some of us ripped from a stand-up. We all know him. That's maybe your best impression.

I know you guys have talked about how you picked your pizzas this month, but I do want to throw one into the mix that I feel like was a shocking omission for me. Oh, wow. Chuck E. Cheese pizza. Oh, boy. We did talk about this beforehand, Nick. Here's what, here's my perspective. And this is a fair thing for you to bring up,

and it's probably something that some of our listeners had that thought as well. As far as emissions go, we could have filled this, we could have had like 16 chains. There's more than enough pizza chains. So we had to make some, come on. It's kind of dishonest to what the tournament is all about. Come on. It is.

You could have done 64 episodes. Yeah, we could. There's so many pizza chains, like you think about them, and you just sort of like there's round table. There's one like called like, or there's Godfathers, the Herman Cain chain. What was the one, there was one I found out about that I was like, this is like the sixth biggest, like Papa Marcos or something. Yeah.

There's some chain because... Zore pizza. Yeah. But so when we thought about Chuck E. Cheese specifically, because it is one we've covered before on the show. And it feels like a perfect umbrand. Right. You know, if anything.

But it's so... The pizza itself is, we just saw there was no chance this was even, probably even going to get on the first round. Like as pizza goes, it's, I think it's pretty wretched. Here's the issue. One, it smells like dirty diapers when you go in there. And two, Nick and I... I mean, in all fairness, you could say that about your apartment.

I don't have a baby. I just help the neighbors out and take their diapers in here. Will you hold on to them? You run a small like diaper cleaning service. Right. And it's not even the reusable ones. It's the plastic diapers, which is really harder to clean. Really?

Yeah. You can just throw those away. I was showing Paul my dishwasher earlier. And that's why I bought it, was to clean out those diapers. And they come back. They're harder to put on. They're slightly melted. Right.

The stickiness is off. Well, I'm going to tell you guys, you know, put those expectations on the curb with the garbage because that's garbage. Wow. I've been to Chuck E. Cheese. I have two children now. And I went there recently expecting their pizza not to be good. And I thought it was better than...

We're talking about what we've been talking about today. On par. Wow. Come on. Really? Do you think it was better than any of the three competitors? It's tricky because I don't have that taste right in my mouth. But I'm saying it's a very...

It's not outlandish to put them... I would say it's not out... At least the one I went to in Eagle Rock, Chuck E. Cheese, Eagle Rock. Shout out to my boys at Chuck E. Cheese, Eagle Rock. Always keeping it real. Always keeping it fresh. No dirty diaper smell in there. I think the Eagle Rock Chuck E. Cheese is probably a nicer, better one.

Yeah. If you go to... Yeah. You got to like pick your... We went to Burbank, Chuck E. Cheese. Not the best experience. All right. Yeah.

I went to one in Carson, California. And then I'm pretty sure... Oh, yeah. You didn't go to the same one. Yeah. You didn't like the pizza. The hard number might have been stolen from there. Oh, Jesus.

All right. Well, maybe I'll take it back. Chuck E. But I was surprised when I was there. But also, I have to put in perspective that I'm a parent and any sort of relief that you can get. Like, oh, pizza. It was just like to eat it was okay.

Right. Yeah, it was... Another good point in that we were being eyed. In Nick's case, appropriately. Come on. For possibly kidnapping children while we were in there. You go to those places and you say you're a modeling agent, right? And you want the kids to come out to the parking lot.

You know, talk about their different looks that they can have. I'm sort of the next-gen Dan Schneider. I'm here scatting for time. Oh, my God. That's a scandal. That's a breaking choose right there. Yeah, really. Big time.

No, I forced Natalie, my lovely wife, to come with me to the Chuck E. Cheese in Carson, California because I was not going to go there by myself. Because I was like, that would be a nightmare. I cannot imagine being an unaccompanied adult male at a Chuck E. Cheese. By the way, it's more weird to be an adult couple without children sitting at a booth. Like, what are they doing there? Now you're shopping for children. Right, yeah.

It goes past like the molester. Now you're like kidnapping to be like, your name is Arnold now. Like you live with us. Wear my dead son's clothes. You're looking for a whole different game there. All right, so I take your reasoning for Chuck E. Cheese. Yeah, I'm surprised to hear, though, that feedback about the pizza quality, because I remember it being particularly bad pizza.

I was pleasantly surprised by it. Again, I will say it was relief in a moment of being like in it. Right. But I remember I was with a bunch of adults who were like, oh, I thought this was garbage pizza. You know, as good as we'll get into it, but as good as some of this pizza here. Wow, that's a strong statement.

Ferguson was weirdly calling me. Really? I think I tried to get his that file to the front, and I said, hey, and I never want it back. He might think I'm in danger. Are you going to answer? So you're at a Chuck E. Cheese and some couples eyeing you with a giant net. So as a dad.

Yes. What is like, how often is pizza something you'll have in your household? Well, a lot. As a matter of fact, we have, and this is another thing I'm going to bring to the table, I have found, I think, the best of them pizza, like the one that you would cook up. And again, it's for my kids, it's Newman's own four cheese pizza. Is this a frozen one or is this one?

The frozen one. And it's, it's surprisingly good. Wow. I've gotten a taste for the four cheese pizza. There's higher quality ones with like different crusts and stuff like that, but that Newman's four cheezer is great. That Newman, man. He really, he had quite a legacy for himself.

And all of his food, I think, is relatively good. His fig, Newton's popcorn, he's got it all figured out. Like a salad dressing? I can tell you this. I love his lemonade and limeade. He makes great. Yeah, not bad. Not bad.

I also, we also dabble. And this is the thing I don't like with like an aunt Annie's pizza popper thing. And, and I just watched my children get burned by it. It's like, it's like a, you can never get the temperature right on this little pizza popper because it's too small and the sauce is too hot. And instead of like, what do you, what's the other one, the pizza? Totino's pizza roll. Yeah.

Like that, there's a, the chance that the, the sauce won't just like shoot up at you. Right. This, you're just basically like putting a bullet of hot sauce in your mouth. And my kids are just in pain from it, but want more of it. And then we serve it. We're not good parents when we're serving those pizza pops. Cause every time the sauce is too hot. I'm like, okay, all right, all right.

Let's let them cool down. That's like your first as a child, that's like your first like hit, like you get that pain. You're like, ooh, I like it a little bit. Like that's your first little taste of. It's like pizza and pain coming together. Was the, yeah. So, so the Newman's own, it seems like this is a discovery of yours. I, I'm curious before the Newman's own, like when, like back at perhaps even in,

in your bachelor days, like what were your frozen pizza go to? Well, here's the whole thing. I don't have, yeah. I just want to say, you think that like back in your bachelor day, you think that like me, you think I have a bunch of frozen pizzas all the time or something? I feel like that's a, that's something that a, that's a meal that a single man will have. Yeah. That's like an eighties.

Okay. Fine. All right. Sorry for saying the word bachelor. Wow. Piece of shit. I'm finding someone. Well, the one thing I think that I'm amazed at by listening to this entire month is I don't

have that much childhood connection to these pizzas. I grew up on the East coast and we just had pizza places. Right. Like, and it wasn't bar pizza. Like it was just like Mary's pizza place. It was down the block from our house and it was like a pie. And then when I moved to New York, there were slices in New York on the corner when I was in college.

So you wouldn't like, there was never a want or desire. Like you were slumming it when you were like, and Domino's, that was the one trick one because it was like, they had this coupon. Kimberly talked about this. Like it was a fake coupon. It didn't mean anything. You would say that you have a coupon, but they would just give you a leader of Coke and like a pizza.

Yeah. That was like when you were too cheap to like get a whole pie and you could that, you know, like, but yeah, I would just buy slices. But my whole, my whole connection to pizza is like New York regular pizza. Yeah. Which so chains were really elusive to me. Yeah. I only have now grown up to enjoy.

What you said about Domino's is kind of the reason that I like Domino's is because it is that to so many people, it is that just kind of easy, stupid pizza chain that everyone gets a free two leader of Coke from and everyone has experiences with Domino's is the best. No, a lot of people accuse me of like, I don't. I like Domino's, but I'm not like, I don't think it's the best pizza. Obviously, right? I like it in many ways. I kind of agree with you that the three pizzas are these are these are the.

I think these are maybe the best of of. I don't love. I should hope so or else our system failed. Yeah. I think this is even like pizza, which got eliminated in the first like maybe first. I was really upset about pizza because I remember pizza being like the big like that was like the place you would go out to pizza. Yeah.

Pizza would be there's something substantial about it and it seemed fancy. It was like classing up your pizza game. Are you talking about the parlor days when you actually go there? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I wish they would bring that back. I love the pizza parlor. I think that's so fun. I told me it was a we were we were a round table family. So we got the round table parlor, but that's just such a fun experience. Two instead of like these right electronic pizza ovens. Sure. I told Weigar that I am in possession now of the Pizza Hut shoes that look like the Nike

pump them up and so on one side you press a button and then you order pizza from pizza like the you've pre-programmed your shoe with your Pizza Hut order. And then the other shoe, this is the one that's kind of a waste. You pause your TV. So like both pumps were one works to pause and one works to order pizza, which I feel like if you're that like if you're not even controlling your own television, like if changing the channel on your TV, like that's really sending out a bad net. I don't need it to pause my TV ordering pizza.

Great. Yeah. Make the other one order soda. Right. So you're saying it actually functions kind of like an Amazon dot. You can make that order for you and pause your TV with the other one. So that one seems like they just are like, I guess we got to put a thing on each side. It's got to have different functionality.

We can't repeat it. Yeah. It felt like they didn't spend a lot of time pitching on that. I feel like they could have beaten that pretty easily. 100%. Yeah. I think it was just maybe it was cheaper to design the exact same shoe left and right. Sure.

So like we just got this other button and maybe you should program it your own way like lights on and off. I would do that. How about a second order? You know, like sometimes you got a car that's got like two different seat settings depending on your spouse is driving it. Oh, I like, yeah. Just a second second order.

Your wife is near one shoe. You're near. Right. Um, you know what I was going to also say is a big thing for me and pizza has been, it was gifted to me and now it's a gift that I give a lot, which is Lou Melnotti's like Chicago. Oh yeah. And I know we are, there's a strong dislike of deep dish here, but that deep dish pizza.

I like deep dish. Yeah. I don't have a particular version of deep dish. That one to me is great. It's like, like it's, it's frozen, but it's frozen in that way where it was just made. They threw it in the fee. It comes to your house in a, like a special container. You got to eat it right away.

Right. You know, like it's, it's to be eaten sooner rather than later. And I got that as a gift one time. I was like, this is a great gift. And you just take out the pizza, you sauce the bottom of the pan and then you cook it up. It's great. Is there something about like, I wonder if there's something about the, the density and

thickness of Chicago style pizza that makes it work better as, as something that you ship. Cause I feel like there's a number of places that do that. And I feel like the, it kind of works somehow where it feels like it shouldn't work, but it kind of works. Maybe cause it congeals to a certain level or something. Like I don't like it when it's a soup. Like I've had like, I finally had like, I think what was like quintessential deep dish pizza, like at this place called like quick quakes or something like that in like, and Chicago.

I was like, whoa, that blew my mind. I was like, that's what deep dishes, but a lot of times it just feels soupy. Like you want to like, it's, it's just, you know, it's like, it's, it just feels like, yeah. Yeah. Put the sauce on top and if they're a little too heavy with it, who knows. And like brain tree, Massachusetts or whatever. Like I was, I was like, oh, this is like a tomato soup, like a, like the bad version.

And I think that's the thing. I don't think you can, I don't think you can kind of like a franchise deep dish. I think deep needs to be made. There needs to be some or Chicago restaurant. Yeah. That's what I think. I think it needs to be made in Chicago. There's, there's, there's a couple out here.

There's a couple good like Hollywood pies and there's another one. There's two deep dishes out here that are supposedly very good. Yeah. Have you, I'm curious here. Have you been to the original Lou Malnati's the one in Chicago? Okay. I've been to one that was just like, like a pizza hut where it's just like a counter where you can just order food and then you don't see anything else.

Right. That's the only place I've been to. That's kind of like the, the Domino's experience today. When I grabbed Domino's, you went and picked it up. This was, this was actually, and Mitch, I thought I applaud you for your, your initiative, which is that we were, we're trying to keep everything on a level playing field. This has been one of our rules.

So delivery versus delivery, take out versus take out. Two of our finalists are not delivery places. They, you have to physically go and pick them up. Yeah. And so, you know, Costco and Blaze, there's no delivery. So to keep things even, Mitch, you went and picked up Domino's. It's only a block away, but I went and got Domino's. This is, but by the way, this is the commitment to the podcast.

It really comes right. The podcast was about to start and it was taking longer than it should have. But as I, as I pulled up the park, I saw you pacing outside of this place and I was like, what, what's happened? Something has gone off the rails. If you're outside your house waiting for something, I was waiting for that pizza to be, and look, we'll get into the pizza in a second, but I was surprised. I was surprised by a lot of things today.

But the thing that surprised me the most is the inside of Domino's is like a, they're trying to Chipotle it a little bit. They're trying to like, it looks like they're trying to do like what blaze is and a lot of it look more of a seating area. There is a little seating area, but like just like you see where all the ingredients are. There's a little like conveyor belt that's not in front of you. I don't like that.

I like the Domino's where it looks like you're going into like a check cashing place where it's like thick windows. Like they're like, it's like a ready to be robbed at any given moment. Like that's my, my image of every Domino's is that it's like, it's sanitary too. Like it's like, it's closed off. It's bad news. It doesn't look like food should be created in them. It's someone was shot there like in the early eight.

Right. That was, that was my Domino's in Quincy looked like that. And there was no sit down. There wasn't even an option to sit down forever. I feel like. Did you guys see that movie? Good time with like Robert Pattinson. It's, it's great, right?

Look, but they, I think they go to a Domino's in that. Oh yeah. And they shot it with like secret cameras or something. They run into the bathroom and do something weird in the bathroom. But it's like, yeah, Domino's is like a, I don't know. I guess it's like, it's a like, I guess what I'm saying is like it's, it's open late. It's, it gets a clientele.

That's a real mixed bag. I feel like Domino's. They also went with like the aesthetic is like bright white wall. Sure. It's like a very bright white wall. Meanwhile, everything else is like, you know, if you go to like that kettle sandwiches place or firehouse subs, there's so much like this is our atmosphere. Like you're coming in and then, and that place is like, no.

Yeah. It's, yeah. I feel like they, like they'll be, it must be a cleanliness thing. Right. Like this is all white looking. Maybe it seems sterile or something. You know what I mean? I'm like, we could make a pizza on the wall and it would be fine.

Yeah. I hate white walls. My wife is all into white everything. It's, I just, everything white means it gets dirty all the time. How dare you? But no, it's like, I love my beautiful white walls. Looks like you really picked out the color too. You really, you put a lot of love at TLC into this apartment.

By the way, I noticed, you know, here that we're at a Doughboy central. I know you guys have now upgraded in this giant, this is all offices of Doughboys. There's 15 people staff here working here. People hold your microphones. A lot of, a lot of staff. You song's assistant has an assistant. Yeah. It's a very big thing.

I noticed that you have two pieces of art up, but one of them, the most prominent one, is of you. Yes. Above your fireplace. And it's not even one picture of you. It is four pictures of me. And I, I, I commented on this to Weigar who said, you think it's okay because it's someone else made it.

There's a story behind this. It's you just, just a, just a, to pay the big share for everybody. It's you giving a thumbs up and smiling and you're dressed in winter wear. Yes. I'm dressed in winter wear, which by the way, a thumbs up is this, the whole story with this is that my roommate, Jack Allison, who loves former roommate, former roommate. Sorry.

No, just walling in Irma who do have their own room. Jack is, he's a little troublemaker. Sure. He says he's, he's, he's a little mischief guy. A little shit, if you will. Oh, wow. He's a little shit. He loves it.

There was this picture of me online with a winter cap. Now people don't understand. If you live in New England area, you don't care about the style of the hat. It's just, it's just to keep yourself, it's just functional. Well, first of all, that's a giant. That's a giant. That's not a thing. Like I, I'm from the East coast.

I'm from New York. It wasn't like people were just wearing novelty hats all the time. I was like, oh, this is Dr. Sissi's song. It keeps me warm. That's not a thing. You say it like, you were like, like, it was like, like a, like a mad max society of like, whatever hats we can get, we'll just put it on. We just need to stay warm.

I went to Disneyland a few years ago. I got this Captain Jack Sparrow pirate's cap with dreadlocks attached. Look, see that hat in the picture? Yes. It's kind of a big style choice. It's like a nana hat. It's like a hat that's like sewn by a nana. Yeah.

And it has like the flaps on the side to keep my ears warm. I was going to a Patriots game. Got it. Who just took the Parkland kids on some trip somewhere. They're a great organization. Sounds like you're really aware of what's going on in the world. Took some, took like, took some. Somewhere they had fun.

What was it like? And then you may have talked about this a little bit in the podcast to watch that defeat, that crushing defeat to be there. I was there in person. Yeah, I know. You know what? I had built it up to myself so much that they could lose that I was okay with it. Okay.

And I went because I was like, oh, this might be the last time. I was, I was very nice to the Eagles. One Eagles fan said that I was the only non asshole Patriots fan ever. That's a nice way to go. Which is not true. There's a lot of people. But I did see, and I think for Doughboy fans out there, if you've seen that picture or that video of Kevin Hart trying to get on the stage, you were also

behind Kevin Hart trying to get on the stage. I was trying to take the trophy for the Patriots. So that picture came up online and Jack was like, hey, nice hat. Like started making a joke about it. This is Jack. He got a tattoo of this picture on his own. What? Like a real tattoo?

Like a real tattoo. Nick knows this. Oh my God. A real tattoo because this is the levels that this guy goes to. Yeah. He commits. He really commits. That's my mind is blown because that's a lifelong choice.

Right. And a complicated explanation of what that is. And also the tattoo is less flattering of me than even the picture is. I didn't like the picture at all. Where is it on his body? It's on his arm. It's prominent. Trust me.

It is bad life choice. Yeah. The tattoo is a bit is a big, big decision. Yeah. That's a stupid decision. I like a bit as much as anybody else. I'm not getting tattooed. Oh boy.

Jack Allison might start up. Might have a beef with you. By the way, I love Jack. Very funny guy. And I appreciate the commitment to it. Just like I just feel like in five years. Let's talk Jack. I just want to hear in five years where I it's it's it is this picture is difficult

when you know if if I have a date came over or something like that they bring. What is that picture? And then they say may I go home now because it's prominently placed. It's so it's like it's not placed in a way that it looks like it could be a joke. It's right. They bring a date home. It's almost exactly in her field of view.

Yes. Like like they can not see it. Yeah. They have to see it. It's very bad. It also there's a there's a poster of Armin above my bed. So there's there's quite a few. There's quite a few thing weird things in my house, but I never liked that picture

and I and I hate it. And then he got it as a Christmas gift when he worked at Kimmel. Okay. And and he put it we put it up there and and then he left and he's like I'm going to leave you with the with the painting or whatever and I was going to get I was going to get rid of and then my mom came to visit and she said I like it. It's very vibrant. I like it.

You should keep it up. So it stayed up there forever and it's very embarrassing. I'm not. I'm not. I don't say it though as if it's like Jack Allison's tattoo unremovable. Yeah. And I have a poster with you and me. Oh yeah in my bedroom from what it's it's a sorry.

That probably sounds weird. It's a poster like someone made it at like the one of those like art shows. A long time ago. It was a bunch of UCB people. Do you remember this poster? No, I don't remember this. I got to look at it. I bring into my disgusting bedroom to show you.

By the way, you already are going to bring me there because I need to see the arm and picture a hundred percent. Oh, but that all right. So we are. So we share a poster. So there's a lot of when girls come here. They're going to be they're going to know that who they're with. Yes.

No one. No more girls over here. Just me and the cats. That's a new rule. Your rule. Yeah. I mean it's already kind of been a tacit rule for a while. I just won't make it official anyway.

Sorry. That's that. I don't. And by the way, I don't dislike the picture. It's just a boy. I would argue and you know, look, you guys are here every week. Nick, you have a prime vantage point of it. Oh yeah.

It's it's a it's a all I will say is it calls like the first thing I saw here was that and I'm like, oh wow. Like and it right. Yeah, I do want to say that above Nick's fireplace. There's a painting of him going down on himself. So but that's not it's tasteful. It's abstract. And only if you look at it for a while do you see all the things.

It's like it's like it looks like it looks like a flower or something like that. Right. So so this week's finalists blaze Costco dominoes. Sure. I'm wondering if you I know you said, you know, your life is your life experiences more based off of individual pieces. Right. But here's an adult.

I can speak to these. Okay. So what have you had these all in the past? Do you have any biases coming in? Well, here's the thing. Yes. A lot of times when you're on productions, TV and movie productions, there's no big deal, guys.

I do a lot of did I have an independent film in South by Southwest? Yeah. I'm not going to talk about that. Sure. Like do I shoot pilots for? Yes. Of course. But I'm not here to like promote my thing.

Right. What I'm talking about is just yeah, the life of the actor is hard, but the no oftentimes what happens is like when you shoot really late and especially like on low budget stuff, like they are contractually forced to give you like it's like a Hobbit thing. It's almost like second meal. Yes. You get lunch, but then you also get this.

And so pizza. People do buy what I'm going to say though that people too do love second meal. Like they. Oh, I love second meal. Yeah. But when pizza comes, the choice is Costco or Domino's. That's what you're going to get. You're never getting anything but those two.

And you know, someone else has decided on the sides and you have to like open up every box to find the one that you want. But yeah, so in the last, you know, 10 years, I've eaten a fair share of both pizzas and a lot of them. So yeah, so I have a lot of experience and then blaze. I'm a blaze fan. I am a blaze fan. I like and it's so stupid, but I like the idea of the assembly line.

It's like the subway thing. I like feeling like I'm the master of my domain. And you know what? I may be confusing blaze with the other one too. What's the other? There's pyology. 800 degrees. What's the one?

What's the one at Universal City Walk? I just want to go. Wait. Don't you don't have to. Why were we thinking this out? There is an 800. Is it 800 degrees up there? I suspect that might be a pyology.

Okay. But hold on. They have like aqua fresco there, which they really like it. I know, you know, Gatorade's in the jug or whatever. But the. I was wrong. It is in fact a blaze pizza. Okay.

All right. So I frequent that place a lot. So all three of these I have personal connections to. Yeah. So I get it. I guess look, I got a lot of shit for people. Think it is a log. I don't.

Of course I don't love LeBron. I'm a Celtics fan, but also people say like is it your thing? Is it a thing against LeBron? I do just kind of think blaze is boring. Is that weird to think that you make blaze your own thing, man? That's the thing to your absence of imagination is what you're. Shut up. What you find boring.

Me, the guy who came up with howdy ho. This is what I'm going to go on the line and say about blaze. And this is not about me judging it, but the way that I think about blaze is this. You can go to an art supply store. You can buy a canvas. You can buy markers. You can buy whatever you want. Right.

It's limitless. You can go. Oh man. Art supply store. It can go to like a gallery and buy something that someone else made. That's the difference between blaze and another pizza. Like they're saying like, Hey, we're giving you all the tools. You know, you make your art.

Right. And you know, I think there's a challenge every time I play this pizza. Give me that gallery, baby. Yeah, I will. I will say we've discussed this before, Mitch, but it does when I do have to make. I like that they have some. Yeah, you have a big problem. That's fair.

They do. They do have that up place. I'm cheating when I'm doing that. I don't feel like I'm like, I don't trust your flavor combinations. I want to go with mine and I always am very happy with mine. I don't know if that's like, oh, just like I, it was me. I was a part of right, but to be fair, Domino's you can make whatever the hell you want. You can make any monstrosity you want to right and just on the app.

You don't got to go out. You can stay in your home. Yeah, I got your white walls and your pictures of yourself. That happens. By the way, this is where they did shoot ex machina, right? There has been a robot sex doll on here at some point. That app, the the Domino's app. That's the one that's hold on a second. I'm going to say this. Yes. That's the wild card winner.

There's nothing better than that in all of pizza right. Is there is there anything better than that? Like true. I mean like I'm not saying like that's the best pizza or whatever, because I don't think Domino's is the best pizza of course of all pizzas, but a spoiler alert, but I guess I know who's not getting a vote for the Dave Thomas Cup. But but that app, I feel like as far as delivery, any delivery place goes, is it's it's huge.

It's made me want to opt for Domino's over other pizzas in the past just because it's so easy to customize and the pizza tracker is so satisfied. It's a game. They made it. They made it into a game, which is, I think, really good. You know, I was when I was working on something, some guy and I do regret this too, like some guy came up to me and was like, you do stocks and stuff. And I go, no, because that's, you know, I'm a child. And and he goes, next big thing, build your own pizza place.

I swear to God, it's going to be huge. What was this? This is like, I would say like five or six years ago. It was right. It was I had just seen my first one. It was like it was and and he was 100% right as a guy. I just bought some stock and a pizza customized pizza place. And I'm like, yeah.

And by the way, like him and I love the 800 degrees and I go, I love that 800 degrees and in Pasadena, I go there a lot. It's a good, it's good stuff. There is a good level of control. I don't know. I just feel like the pies are a little bit boring to me. Even even when I get flashy ones, it's the ingredients or whatever. Like I'm like, the ingredients are not good.

I'm just like, but also like, obviously, I think that the Domino's ingredients aren't great either. You know what I mean? It's just like a funny thing where I'm like, Oh, I do like this taste of this, of Domino's pizza. And then this one is like newer. You know, I didn't have this growing up. So I'm like, I don't know.

It's just kind of almost even blander to me. I almost like that. The fact that Domino's is kind of has a choice just to compare the two. The Costco is a different story. Do we think though, and this is what I, this is what I'm wrestling with without giving anything away. We are arguing simply about taste because I would argue right here, these pizzas that are here while at the top of the heap,

they're not like traditionally, this is not great pizza. Like, right? I mean, like to me, like when I think of like, and maybe this is my own bias of like having like a, like a slice in New York, like that's like to me, like that's like pizza. And then this is all like, it's all going to be, it's all really your personal preference. Right?

I mean, like each one of these has a very distinct flavor. I don't know. Like there's something about it that it's like, it's. Yeah. I mean, it's, you know, it's chain pizza. We're, so we're, we're viewing it by that standard. Right. Like none of these are really going to hold up against a great independent

pizzeria. I think we're, we're aware of that. But yeah, I mean, personal taste is certainly going to, it's certainly a factor with, with any sort of food evaluation. I guess probably what we're trying to do is like, what's the best sort of baseline pizza? Yeah. What's like, okay, if you're going to go to chain and get like,

this is just like a classic slice of pizza. This best articulates what a pizza, what pizza's ideal could, should be in chain form. I think that's kind of been our mission straight state in the tournament. Yeah. But I think it comes down to like the, like, it's because like the salt, like you may like a salt, like that's like one of these

sauces may be a little bit more like, I don't know. Sure. I found these to be, they all have their merits. Like they're all equally, interestingly tasty. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know if, yeah, I don't, yeah, when you get to the high, when you get to the highest highs right here, I don't know.

I agree with you. I don't mind that whoever wins this tournament is going to be shitty compared to the best slice of pizza. Right. Like, like, like most New York slices or, or, or anywhere else. And I'm not trying to be like, oh guys, I'm just saying, but it's an interesting thing. It's an interesting thing because it's like they're all, they're

all just going like, this is our version of this. I think the world gets annoyed by that New York guy who's like the New York slice or whatever. And I do a lot with New England stuff or whatever. But like it is accurate. I mean, like the slices in New York city are better than just a slice you can get in most places. But if you're like living in Minnesota and this is your only

outlet, these three, like for pizza, then this is, this is, this is where you're going. Yeah. Yeah. We're making a choice really for. That's a good question. The flyover country. Is it always, and we hate those fucks.

This liberal podcast with all your 800 degrees, guess what? That's a bullshit. I was just in, I was just in Minnesota for the Super Bowl and I had a juicy Lucy there and they got some great. They got some good stuff going on. Yeah. We love Minnesota. They're actually, that is a great.

It's a great food. Minnesota is amazing. Yeah. Yeah. There's some great food over there, but you bring up a good point. Is the best chain pizza better than the best like mom and pop or like, or, you know, like just kind of like a single slice place or whatever. And I think the answer is just no.

Wait, what do you mean? Like in any town? Yeah. Like any, like in any town. Like in Albuquerque? Your favorite place in your town compared to like the bet, whatever wins today. Who wins that? Probably your favorite place in that town.

Probably. I mean, I don't know. Because this is what I think I'm getting at and I feel like I can articulate it now. It's like, if you grow up eating Domino's, right? And like, that's your outlet. You're always going to, no matter what, Domino's will be your favorite pizza because it's almost like it's activating everything that you've ever had.

You have that nostalgic connection. Yeah. There's something about it. Like, I know you can't tell me differently because it's sort of like, that's the pizza I grew up on. Like I think there's an interesting thing about that because like the pizza that you grew up with, I think that like imprints on you just like, uh, Jacob the werewolf in the Twilight series.

Uh, you can print on your pizza. We'll take a break. We'll be back with more dough boys. Welcome back to dough boys. It's the finals of Munch Madness 2018, the tournament of champions. The slice is right. Our friend Paul Shear is here. Now, your votes are going to count.

If you're listening to this, your votes are going to count in the final outcome. You're going to influence this via the polls we put on Twitter and our Patreon page. And we asked for your feedback on, you know, why you're voting the way you're voting. You song, deputy commissioner, you song, you have a couple of choice quotes, it seems like that you'd want to share with us. Yeah, these comments are coming in hot. On the Patreon, Hugh Hunter writes, Domino's ordering app is the ultimate X factor. Wow. That's crazy.

And on the, on the Twitter, as we're applied to the poll, Will writes, there should be no limit to the amount of cheese on a pizza, which is why Costco can be the only winner. Plus the other options are bourgeois phonies. Wow. Yeah, that liberal. Things are here. So, you know, there was a part of this too. That I was sorry, like that I also think is a good thing to think about.

Yes. What tastes good cold? Yeah. I mean, I've got these, I've got these slices that have been chilling here at room temp for quite some time. Three more slices. Because like, don't, don't you, I don't know. I feel like whenever I order pizza, I always have leftover stuff and that's always like a big, like what can stay the course. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think that's, that's a, that's a separate issue.

And, and, and reheatability. You know, we fucked up this tournament. We should have done reheat, but we could have done some stuff with this. I think we did fine. It was very comprehensive. It was. It's almost over. What am I doing? You're trying to get yourself back into another 16 bracket. I can't do it.

Did you guys give up on, was the Leaning Tower of Pisa only in that one episode? What goes to the devil and what goes to the Tower of Pisa? We, we, so we basically, the winner goes to the Leaning Tower of Pisa for the engineers. To help make it straight and then the loser goes to France. Yes. To be spit on by the frogs. The only people we hate more than those two people who live in the Midwest. Which it turns out in France, they eat the most pizza of anywhere on earth. Apparently the number one pizza in the nation, but I have some news about that.

It turned out that the architects of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, just like the ancient pyramids are aliens. Do they like pizza and they like pizza? Wow. And if we give them something wrong, they will destroy the earth. Wait, what do you mean by mean something wrong? You mean if we don't give them the best? We don't give them the best choice. Yes. This is what our first tournament was.

This is what the stakes are for us. Ancient aliens are going to nuke the planet. It turns out that the the people who the the architects of the Tower of Pisa, the beautiful Tower of Pisa were were ancient aliens. I picture them as the little aliens from Toy Story. Like that's what I know. That takes away the the scariness of them. I guess I think that those are the scarier ones when they look so cute

and then they will kill you immediately. Yeah, they're a big horde. They're going to be Chucky who appears in Ready Player One, which I'm excited about. Spoiler alert. Does the bride of Chucky also appear? I hope to God that she appears in there and if elf isn't in there, I'm going to be upset because you know that that guy is trying at every angle to get in on something. That guy is always out.

I hope elf is in it and he eats Garfield or something. It'll be fun, right? Odie and normal make out. That would be funny if Ready Player One is just like weird nerd fantasies. Right? Like you find out like Spielberg just like like just really dove into like the the most like sex deprived things like Papa Smurf getting a blow job from like Vanity Smurf or something like this like really grotesque imagery like oh Babe Ruth is sucking off

the black stallion. All right. Someone's fucking that snork snorkle hole. All the Smurfs are fucking the Navi from avatars. It's like a blue orgy. By the way, can we just say that like I feel like I recently visited Avatar land and if that doesn't turn into Wakanda like in four months, I would be like it's exactly ready to just go to become Wakanda.

Yeah, yeah. That's funny. Yeah, but people still love Avatar. Right? I have not met a person. Please reach out to me and just tell me. I just want to know. I don't need you to defend it.

I get it. If you like it, but I don't I don't know what it's not a part of the cultural conversation. I don't think you know what if you're out there, if you're a listener and you're really into Avatar, I don't mean someone who's like seen the movie in the theaters once and liked it. Like if you're someone who like this, yeah, if you're someone who like does avatar cosplay or you know,

you're like you really into the books or something. You watch it every Navi day, whatever. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like if you're really into avatar, hashtag avatar freak. Let's let's see those real avatar maniacs out there. Hey, I'm ready to play one. Maybe a Navi plugs into Wally. What do you think of that?

That'd be fun. And then we go inside its brain and we get a little inside out segment. Oh, that's amazing. The one thing that bothers me about ready player one. I've not seen it. I'm sure it's gonna be great film is is the posters around town. They're like the Lost Boys and Goonies and all these classic 80s posters and then the Matrix.

Yeah, I'm like, wait, but this is like an 80s thing, right? Right. I didn't feel like the Matrix seems like the only one that's like doesn't fit in that mold. It's anachronistic. Yeah. Throw out Conan the Destroyer or something. Yeah.

Contemporary of the 80s. Hey, we're gonna have to. I'm excited. I am excited to see it for real. I am 100% there. Yeah, I'm 100% there. I can't wait. I'm still bitter over what?

I'm still bitter over Wreck-It Ralph how they didn't actually have Mario in it. They just were like, like, oh, that little Italian guys over there. They didn't even directly reference him. But don't you think they couldn't? Yeah. I think they couldn't rights-wise. Right. But it was just kind of like, what though?

This is the ultimate video game mash-up, but they didn't get Mario. Come on. This is still on your mind with Wreck-It Ralph? Yeah. And also it's a. You're gonna get your movie. You're getting your illumination style Mario movie. You're gonna get it.

That looks great. I'm excited about that. I just, you know, and my bigger issue with Wreck-It Ralph is that it was more of a candy movie than a video game movie, but I don't want to get into that. Wow. Jesus Christ. It was a candy movie. I mean, the big, the big set piece, the climactic set piece.

So, all right. So what was it? It was a candy world. It was all candy jokes, not video game jokes. Europe says it is a candy movie. So what could have they have done to write that? Like, called it like Wreck-It Candy? They should have called it Candy Movie.

It should have just been like, we're this like truth and advertising. But by the way, also, like, I can just imagine like a bunch of video game references for a movie that's made for like six and seven year old, like that. Their prime audience are children. Like they're like, what is a Pac-Man? Like what is Pac-Man? I brought a thing, I brought a thing to get framed one time and it was like a picture of Daniel LaRusso from Crotty Kid, like doing the crane in front of Johnny.

And the guy's like, well, this is really cool. It's like a silhouette. It looked, you can't tell that it was from Crotty Kid. And he's like, oh, what is it from? I said, oh, Crotty Kid. He's like, oh, Jaden Smith is the best. Oh yeah. Right.

So yeah, you got to make a candy video game movie. These kids, they don't know. Yeah. I guess if you think of it from that audience's perspective, although then again in pixels, they have Kubert and the kids love Kubert. But wasn't that, that was not a children's movie though. So we talked about it on here. Yeah.

What's his name? Yeah, Godfuck's Kubert. Yeah, Godfuck's Kubert that has Kubert babies. Yeah. Oh, that's yeah. That's a bummer. I think by the way, I believe that I'm just remembering. I think you may have talked about that in our podcast.

Oh yeah, baby. That's right. That's what it was. I'm having a flashback to the same feeling. It literally came back in and went back out the same as that. So why did you bring up the Kubert being, it's a bad thing. I guess. I mean, it's, I'm just saying like, like they're, they're ways to have video game

stuff in there and then it for it to be kids and still accessible even though they don't know the reference. They're like, oh, this is cute. This thing that I like. I like what this is even though I don't know what it's referencing directly. Why are they Kubert? Oh, whatever. We'll never know.

Do you think in Ready Player One, there's a reference to Godfucking Kubert in pixels? The Kubert children are there. I hope so. Uh, uh, Shere, you also had a very, uh, smart idea, which we didn't do, which is that we should, we should test our cholesterol at the beginning of the tournament at the end of the tournament. That would be just interesting to see if this is good or bad. I mean, because there was a study that just came out a couple of weeks ago said pizza

is great. Like breakfast pizzas are making a very big comeback. They've got all the food groups in them. So maybe you guys are getting healthier. Maybe your cholesterol is rapidly dropping. Hmm. Hmm. Wait, so pizza, they're saying, I think the odd seemed pretty low, but, but you know,

pizza is good in the sense that it's like, it's like a delivery mechanism for other healthy things. Cause I've heard that argument in favor of veggie pizza. Yeah. Well, let's see. Uh, here's the articles in the New York times and it was, uh, hold on a second. It's loading up. Uh, it says pizza for breakfast, but not what you think eating leftover pizza for breakfast

is a time-honored tradition. Uh, but then they basically, they go on to say that the breakfast pizza top with sharp pecorino, brawny bits of bacon and runny yolk eggs. Uh, is they're basically going on to say it's good. I mean, it's a very long article. I can't, I can't summarize it because I haven't read it. So, uh, This sounds like one guy rationalizing his lifestyle.

You know, you take it and take some leftover pizza out of the fridge. I'm doing fine. I'm doing fine. Leave me alone. I have white walls and a picture of myself up there. Um, let's get into the, Let's get into the, let's get into the, I just realized you were playing.

I wrote that bitch. You would never write something that long. Good point. Uh, yes. Go for it. Go for it. Oh yeah. I was just going to ask, is there, what is the highest cholesterol you can have?

Is there like a pure cholesterol? I think when you're over 200, that's like danger. Yeah. I always remember hearing into something like, like something like a 300 point scale, like a cut, but it, but it's the same way it's like kind of like an alcohol percentage, blood alcohol level. Like it's like you get to a certain point. I think like 150 feels like where you're supposed to be.

Uh-huh. 200 is like, you got to get your shit together. Dude. And then, uh, and then anything above 200 is like, you're living at your own risk. Like right or will because it could be over. It's like in a cartoon when someone is like, like a character starts speeding really fast and the speedometer goes to the very end and it just hits a level. It's like, whoa, that's fast.

That's what the doctor will say. He's just like, oh, watch out, pal. So let's, And we have the opposite of that for our T count, which we said. So let's recap the rules. Pizza only, side stay on the sidelines, drinks in the Gatorade jug also on the sidelines, level playing field, which we alluded to earlier, Mitch picked up the dominoes. So we're, everything is pickup for today's finals.

And for the, for the finals as well. This is specific to this episode. It's just cheese. We're just doing cheese pizza. We're just doing that baseline slice toppings have been removed as a point of complication. I got to say guys, that was the basic, the best move as a listener. I only wanted it to be cheese always throughout because I feel like it's toppings are, it's a tricky thing. It's a, toppings can make a bad pizza better, I think.

I feel like at one point toppings helped with like a California pizza kitchen. Like I feel like there were some places that probably did better because of toppings. I also want to say like, I think like a place like pizza, it was funny, you know, we had dominoes versus pizza hut. The two big ones battle it out early on, but I feel like pizza hut would have made it further. As somebody who was listening to this podcast, I was railing against it. I was like, I was really upset that pizza hut went out early, but it was a tough matchup. I mean, that's, that's a really tough bracket. Yeah.

Yeah. It's kind of like, I mean, like in traditional seating, perhaps dominoes and pizza hut might not have faced each other in the first round, but I felt like we wanted to settle that score. I feel like we wanted to ensure that that matchup. Well, America needed it to be out of the way, just to be able to focus on the rest of the month of the podcast. So, um, so let's talk about it. I mean, we had, we got a cheese pizza from blaze, cheese pizza from Costco and cheese pizza from dominoes. We ate them all.

Brooklyn style. Brooklyn style. We ate them all at Mitch's apartment before, just before we recorded. I've got some half eaten slices in front of me, which I might take little nibbles of as we go. Uh, what do I mean? What did we think? Sure. Let's start with you.

What were you, what were you thinking as you were biting into each of these? Well, my first thought was I had a preconceived notion and I want to keep it a little bit vague right now because I feel like we can. Right. Yeah. And, uh, and I was wrong about my preconceived notion. Oh, wow. And, uh, Who interesting.

And one for me shot to the top and I just gave it, I just gave it a, uh, a cold bite test as well. Uh-huh. And, uh, and I think it cemented the deal for me, but I will say that one was immediately out and it was a battle between two others. Wow. That's, that's where I was at. Where were you guys? Well, I think people know that I have been hard on Blaze. Yes.

I think this is a, this is a pretty, I think they're all pretty, I wouldn't be surprised by any winner, honestly. I honestly, I've never felt less certain about who is going to finish on top. Um, because, and we've done three of these tournaments and the other ones, I felt fairly confident about where the decision was going to ultimately land, whether I agreed with it or not. I happen to agree with it, but the previous tournaments. But here I just, I honestly don't know what you guys are thinking. I don't know what the fans are going to ultimately settle on. Uh, I, I just, I'm, I'm very curious to see where this goes. And I want to also let your audience know that I can't be bought like Carl Tartt with, uh, you know, like, I know that Wiger is doing that under the table stuff.

Wait a minute. You know, he reached out to me. I didn't do my Carl. What did you, what did you give him? I, I promised like not to be seen in public with him. So it really helped us image. I, my, so for you three were equal, pretty much equal. I think they were on, they're on roughly like coming in.

I was like, these are a roughly equal. And then as I was biting these, I was like, I think I know where I'm going, but honestly, I don't quite know. I wasn't like, I haven't an immediate decision. It took, I had to settle in a little. I had to take a few chomps to just to really figure out where I'm going. I think that look, I mean, if I had a, I should get rid of one, which people know is the one I will get rid of, but I will say that between two of them. Yes. It's close.

That's what I would say. It's very, it's very, it's very close. So I'm, I'm similar to you, but I, but I also like, I know you're talking, it's, you're clearly talking about blaze, but I also thought blaze was good. I mean, like, come on. Can I say a little, can I reveal a little bit more? Please. I am agreeing with you. I was unimpressed by blaze and I liked blaze and I was like, ooh, I don't know what hit me about that.

It just, I don't know if it's just the plain cheese was maybe the, their base. Yeah. I may be, I may become a, I may be a blaze fan based on toppings and not base. And that's that kind of I was eyeopening to me. Yeah. Yeah. And also I just, I feel like the thing of, cause this, it was, it wasn't like it was cold. It was warm.

No. Everything came hot and fresh. Everything was, everything was, everything was warm and, and edible. Shout out to our friend, Noah, who brought the blaze to us. And I had, Noah, what's that delivery bag you got? That thing was, I mean. That was great. It's an Instacart deliverer.

Noah used to, Noah used to drive for Instacart. So he still has the bag. Are you, are you still allowed to have that? Should we take, okay. You're still allowed to have that. What the hell are you trying to run him on the trouble? That's what I was going to say. I was going to delete it if it was.

Bro, it's one of the benefits of the job, man. Right. You get to keep that bag for life. You work that way. It's just like being a cop. You get to keep your gun and your badge after your retirement. I was going to say it's, it's, it's like, uh, similar to Godfather three when Al Pacino gets pulled back in.

He's got the, he's already got the bag. Yeah. He's got to go, got to go back in. I hope the helicopter scene happens right now, but only I get killed. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. Well, I just mentally picked the best one. You know what?

I've never like seen it all the way through to officially say that I've seen it, but I've seen it in theater. Did you really? Sot in the theater. My dad and I went to go see it on New Year's Eve. Like when I was hanging out with my dad for, you know, fun on New Year's Eve. Right. Yeah.

I remember being in like Quincy cinema and like seeing Godfather three and I'm like, I wonder what shitty movie I was going to see instead of that movie. Like Lawnmower Man two or something. Oh, a hundred percent. Yeah. I thought it was a classy to see that movie. It came out the same year. Godfather three came out the same year as Goodfellas.

They were both nominated for Best Picture. They were talking about. So, but I remember like not knowing what Goodfellas was, but it has had a very similar poster and it has like kind of the same sort of font, the same sort of mafia font. So I thought at the time it was like a spoof version of Godfather three that it was like a kind of good fella. Yeah. Yeah.

So it was like a national ampoules loaded weapon because they didn't like Rodney Dangerfield like or like like or Leslie Nielsen did like a like one of those like like parody movies. He did the Jane Austen's Mafia. That's right. Yeah, they're doing all the Jane Austen. He's got a big one again. Like a bit of like a bit. It's not an orange, but something bigger that he puts in his mouth that like is like too

big. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. I sort of I kind of remember that. I also remember there because Jay Moore, I think is the lead in that movie and he goes to get the gun from behind the toilet and he gets like covered with toilet water. Like that's like the joke they have. That's the only thing.

The only part of that I remember. They're really sticking into Godfather one back in 1997. We'll show them. So you guys are having some strong words about Blaze and I feel like I have to react to that. Yeah. I agree with you. Whoa. This is the plain Blaze.

Although I like Blaze a lot and LeBron James is a great human, a great man and a spectacular athlete. Saved here of Cleveland. We are. We live in a blessed era to be able to watch. After he saved Miami, he went back down and he went over and he saved Cleveland. Hey, I mean, it's. He needed to leave to come back.

Right. Winning titles for the best player in two different franchises history. I will say this. In this, in its very, very basic form, the cheese only Blaze, the sauce in particular really stands out for how bland it is. There's just not much flavor in that sauce. And so I, and maybe there's, there's a reason they do that because it's their baseline pie and they throw so many toppings on there.

They want just like a very bland, basic tomato sauce that doesn't pop against or conflict with any, any spices and any other various ingredients that they'll throw on there. But it is just a very boring cheese pizza. And, and as a personal pizza, like I was just like, this feels like something I would get in an airport. This doesn't feel like something I would ever like get for a treat that sits in that like, uh, like that container where they keep like pretzels sometimes on a shelf. It's like, like even worse than school pizza.

And I thought the crust also you, you were tasting more of what you would never really taste with Blaze. Like the crust, I didn't love that crust either. Yeah. So I guess at least for the three of us that leaves Costco and Domino's as potential contenders. I mean, it's hard for me. This is difficult. This is, this is very difficult for me.

I want to make it clear to people who listen, I, I, this is, it was hard because I do love a thing I love about Costco is, you know, we're trying to pick the pizza that will represent these alien architects so that they won't kill, destroy us. The thing with it is like the thing with Costco pizzas, it has that everywhere in America thing of this is a thing that you're getting when you go to your wholesale club or whatever, or this is like hockey rink pizza in many ways. This feels like that sort of pizza in Domino's is its own specific thing where like Costco pizza is kind of just like pizza and doesn't like it has a certain taste or whatever.

Like, but it is just kind of like, oh, this is like a generic rink slice or anywhere slice, but it's good. It is. It is very good and they load on the cheese. So there's a lot that I like. There's a lot that I like about it and Domino's has its faults for sure. It's not, it's not, it's not great. I would go one step further and say that Costco to me tastes more like a, like the traditional

pizza. It's like, it's got a very specific solid taste to it. Like that is undeniable. Like even in just trying a little bite there, like, yeah, that's a very like that is, that is pizza. Like that is, you know, it's like, and, and obviously it's very popular. Yeah. You know, that like, yeah.

It's an affordable, the stuff that Nick loves about it, but like the thing with plays is oh, maybe this is a place you go and sit down and eat at. Right. And that is the best thing about plays, which I appreciate, but Domino's is the most easy to get pizza on earth. Sure. Especially with that app. And Costco does not have that as much and Blaze definitely doesn't have that.

Costco is kind of a pain in the ass. I mean, especially at a full pizza. I would say blazes maybe even harder, right? Well, yeah, I mean, it depends on how, how the parking situation is at your local Costco because some of those lots can be a nightmare. Yeah. They're intense, but maybe what you're doing is you've just gotten a lot of savings and you want to sit out on those park benches out there and just chow down.

Like, like, I feel like a lot of the times I don't know, it's Costco coming in. Like, are you driving the Costco and bringing it back to your house? I don't know. I always feel like it's like one of those, like, we're here. Let's see if Costco pizza. I don't know. I think some dads are like, I finished my shopping trip. I'm getting a whole pizza and I'm bringing it home to my kid.

I feel like that's like a parent's move tonight. Right. But it's not one where you're like, all right, guys, let's have pizza tonight. I'll go to Costco. Like, I don't. I think that I think you're right. Like, I think it's like, if you're there, you're going to bring it home. You bring it home, but you're not going to go there.

I don't think you're going out of your way. Dad brings the pizza and thinking he's going to be a hero. He walks in the kids like, fuck you, dad. I'm lactose intolerant. You never listen. You never listen to me. I'll eat the pizza by myself. And he goes into the garage and he eats the pizza himself and he turns on the car.

And the dad sits there. He doesn't realize that there was a window that that's open in his right. So the fumes are getting out. So he's just getting lightheaded. Yeah. And he's there for a long time and he's really committed to it. And then his kids find him there. He's going to explain what happened.

So sad. So sad. He can't even kill himself. Right. Yeah. He's a fucking idiot. His dad never gets it right. Kids are like, were you jerking off?

It's like, no. If I was going to kill myself, then yeah. I was going to do it the right way. I was going to go out while coming, coming and going. And then a Cupid head pops up and you see. That's why it happened. I will say that I think the one thing in tasting this Costco pizza, not after being on set, which again, I don't know if I talked about,

like I do do a lot of performing and acting in movies, productions all across the board. Is that. Why can't I do a lot of podcasting now? The cheese, I really think is the biggest selling point in the Costco. Right. It is that is pulling this whole thing together.

I don't know what kind of cheese it is, whatever that is that, that's working for me in a major way. If anything was a thumb on us on the scale for this finals in Costco's favor, it was the fact that this was only a cheese pizza, which is their standout. Like you get the Costco cheese pizza. That's, that's their best. Even put my thumb on the scale.

Probably going to wait. 40 pounds. I think you guys. Your weight. I think that you guys should institute like a, like a spoon, like a spoon pound. Like it's like, it's like, it's like, it's just a bunch of Mitch fans who are just like going to cheer on those cheer on those

things like clinking spoons, clink, clink, clink. Every time I gain a pound. I like that. No, no, not gain a pound. Like every time you make a joke, like you're like, I want to put it on the thing. Like it's like, it's like a plotting. It's a, it's finding joy in the jokes.

I should. I should get spoons to clink together with the podcast. Well, no, don't do that. Don't start doing that. Please. If someone wants to do that and send that in, that's fine. Yeah. I'd like a subset of spoon nation that the spoon pound.

These are people. I've told that we should be doing drop like, like how, like a, like Bababooie type stuff. Yeah. You need to have like your whole sound board ready to go. Yeah. You want to have more like classic like lines lined up and ready to go. Yeah.

I think that would be fun. Uh, if you want to do it, if you want to set it up. Hmm. Oh my God. I do love electronics. I would love, I would love a spoon nation sound board just a classic clips. Be great.

Then where is it? Oh, we should announce this. Nick, I'm going to announce it right now. We're going to start, uh, we're going to start. This is what is, I don't know where we're going to start to go from me to buy Mark Maron's house. That's true. Yes.

That's, that's coming in April. Mark Maron's house is up for sale. It's up for sale. It's time that a worse podcast owns that recording facility. We want to move all in Irma into the cat ranch. Right. Wow. We're going to take it over, but no, it'll be your home and I'll be our

new, our new recording space. Are you sure that the Smith Sony is not buying that to hold on to? All right. I feel like we're being coy with our, with our pizza. It's nerve-racking. I know, but, but for that reason, I want to bring you song in and deputy give us your song. Can you please explain our scoring system and then we can get into our

thoughts and we can disclose who the winner is going to song. This is an insane. Absolutely. Um, you songs wearing a suit, by the way, it looks like a million bucks. Um, okay. The scoring system will work out of five forks and the winner has to receive the majority of tines from those fine five forks. Everyone we're talking 20 times.

So they need 11 times minimum. Yes. Um, Mitch gets one fork. Paul gets one fork and Nick gets one fork. Great. One fork is based on fan voting split by percentages. So they'll be divided into tines. And then the last fork, one time goes to Emma, one time goes to Noah, one

time goes to Wally and Irma and one time goes to whoever made the trophy. Right. Yeah. That was a, that was a thing. I would, the guy, the guy who made the Dave Thomas cup actually had an opinion on this. So I figured we'd give him a vote. I love that.

How does Roger from Shakespeare's trophies on Wilshire shout out to Roger Wally and Irma. I've, I've put slices in front of them. I saw which one they live. Uh, well, let's begin with this. You song voting is now closed, I believe on the, on the polls. Do you have it at the ready? The fan votes, or do you need some time to calculate these?

I think I'll just need a second to calculate. Okay. You song is going to calculate the fan votes. We're going to reveal who the fan favorite is and what's, what's sliver of a fork. I'm going to, I'm going to quickly grab Irma so she can reveal the, the Wally and Irma vote. Is that okay? Yes, please do.

Mitch is stepping away from the microphone. So it seems like you have pizza pretty frequently around your house here. Yeah. What if you're like, like, what is the topping situation like when you're ordering with a family? Is it like what mom and dad say goes, you let everyone have some input? We, I have very young kids. So we're playing pizza all the way.

But what we do is order a small, if we're ordering in small pan, like a personal pizza, right? And that will be all we need. But now, okay, here we go. Okay. But yeah, that's the way we go there. And then for us, June and I are both pretty much vegetarians. I will eat meat when, when I feel like it is necessary.

Like that's like, I will, I, I won't get sick from it. I enjoy it, but I avoid it for the most part. Right. But, but I'll, I'll chow down on it. So we do a lot of like veggie pizzas and like vegetables on pizzas and stuff like that. But, and we like a, this thing called a grandma pie, which is a little bit more of a tomato sauce based pie with a great pie. Yeah.

It's a great pie. Yeah. Yeah. I brought up the grandma slice Mitchell on our, on our most recent dough boys double. And apparently I was conflating it with the tomato pie, which is a different sort of slice, which has a little bit more sauce and cheese. And I like that slice as well. Yeah.

That's a good, good slice. They're all fun. All right. Mitch, you have, you're cradling Irma like a baby. How are we going to get her input here? Irma. Wow. Costco.

Wow. Irma voted for Costco. Wow. I am stunned. Interesting. Well, you know, we all know that cats love cheese. Right. They hate mice.

Yeah. They love cheese. They love cheese. That seemed worth it. She said that, I was just talking to her on the way to the room. She said that she likes Costco because it's where she gets her cat food from as well. Oh, wow. Is that true?

No. Is it true that I talked to Irma Wager on the way to the room? No, is it true that she gets her cat food from Costco? Because I don't think you're a member. I'm not a member of Costco. I am a member. And, and I use it about once a year, just enough to go there for them to tell me my membership is up and then I have to do a new membership to buy like a jug of peanut M&Ms.

And I'm like, all right, that was $80. And then I leave. My favorite thing about Costco is how... Jesus, I don't know if I should ever join Costco. I use it, Nellie and I use it pretty frequently. And it's, you know, it depends on how close and convenient that Costco location is to where you live. But we use it for a lot of bulk goods. But what I love about...

You have a small house, you say. Like, why do you keep it? We do, yeah. I mean, you know, we have some, we have storage. All right, well, you had all these issues with the sparkly bottles. All of a sudden, I didn't know you were going to be able to store like a giant box of Cheerio. Have you been able to see... Have you seen his house?

Have you ever seen it? No, I've not been invited. Yeah, no, of course no one has. Also, by the way, my sparklets trick did not work this week. There's two bottles of sparklets out in front of my house. That didn't seem sound when you described it. That you just leave one full one out there as if to trick him into it. Yeah.

Did I drop that one off? I have something to say. Yes. My mom is on, I can see that my mom is on the Amazon show. I think she should get a tine. Wow. Wow. Okay, wait.

So that means that we have to, we have to get rid of... We're going to drop in. She will be terrified if we do this right now. Okay. We have to get rid of Wally. No, Irma is Costco. Then we need to get rid of a tine somewhere. We're not going to have 21 tines.

We're going to have five forks and one straight. Yeah. You guys have been running this on the up and up. I think you take it away from the trophy maker. This is so... Wow. Okay, you know what? Fine.

That's fair. Roger, what have picked? No, this is hard to do, but you saw him, you lost your time. You saw him just have a tine. You weren't listening. Oh, damn it. Now you really stepped in and now he knows that you really feel too. I'll disclose this.

Roger from Shakespeare's Trophies. He made the Dave Thomas cup. His pick was blaze. He thinks they do a great pie. Oh, he should be disqualified. Yeah. He is being dequeued in favor of Mama Mitchell if we can get her on the air. Alexa, drop in mom's cell.

Oh boy. I love this. This will be a nightmare. Were you gifted this Alexa? That's what I've been thinking. Yes, basically. Yeah. Mom?

Jesus, you scared me. What's happening? She said Jesus, you scared me. Mom, are you there? Yeah, I'm eating dinner. I'm sorry, I scared you? Yes, you did. I've got a question for you.

We're recording the podcast right now, so don't say anything embarrassing about me. Between blaze, pizza, Costco and Domino's, who would you choose? Between what? God damn it. Blaze, pizza, Costco and Domino's, who would you choose? She's watching a general commercial? She's watching a general commercial on loop. Mom?

No, it's not off my team base. Do you think the general's an ready player one? What was that? Him and Shaq, they're in a convertible. Yes. Blaze, pizza. Blaze? I've never even heard of it.

Oh, wow. Okay, just pick one of the three. Blaze, Costco and Domino's. Wow. Love you, Ma. Bye, honey. Bye, Mrs. Mitchell. Don't talk to him.

All right, love you, bye. Amazon, Alexa, get out, stop it, end it. Alexa, end. Bye, Ma. I didn't want to say anything because I thought it would be too confusing for her to hear another voice. What the hell? That feature I find horrifying.

It scared her. Yeah. And also, you know, I shouldn't do that to my mom. It could be bad. I don't want her to get scared to scare her and something bad. Unless it's something really important, like who's going to win our dumb pizza competition? By the way, I think your mom expresses something that, you know, that I think America is also feeling too, which is like Domino's has the brand recognition above any one of these pizzas

that you have done. Yeah. Okay. Everyone has had Domino's, right? Yeah, you're absolutely right. That's true. Yeah. No, you're totally right.

That wasn't a waste of time. No. Emma, what's your pick? Our engineer, Emma, stepping out of the microphone. I'm very torn between Costco and Domino's, but I think I got to go with Domino's. Wow. Emma is voting for Domino's. Noah helped us out today, formerly worked with us at Feral Audio.

Wow. Step it up to the mic. Noah, who is your pick in this tournament? I go with Costco just because I personally don't like the Domino's sauce that much. Oh, wow. That's fair. That's fair. That's a great reason.

Speaks to what Shear was saying earlier. So how many tines have been accounted for? That's our entire wild card fork, right? We've got a tine for Wally and Irma, a tine for Miss Mitchell. My mom in the plays in the trophy guy can split the vote, I'd say. How's that? So wait, so now you've made it more complicated. I think it's fine.

We've got it sorted. Okay. So right now it's tied. Costco has two tines and Domino's has two tines. You song, have you dug into the fan voting? Yes, I have. Wow. And averaging across the Patreon and the Twitter, which were really close, surprisingly, it

comes down to 15% for Blaze, 34% for Costco and 51% for Domino's. Wow. That's crazy. Yeah. So I think that translates to roughly half a time for Blaze, 1.5 tines for Costco and two tines for Domino's. Yeah. That sounds about right.

Wow. Wow. Well, that puts it at, if my math is correct, that gives one fork for Domino's and three quarters of a fork for Costco. So it really is going to come down to the three of us in terms of what is going to win. Wow. This is a really tension building episode. Nick is beautiful, minding all these numbers on my mirror.

I think you're better with arithmetic than I am. You're very quick. I'm a good numbers man. Terrible edit. I heard all those numbers and I was like, I don't know. Mitch, what's seven plus nine? 16. Wow.

Wow. 16. Good Mitch hunting over here. No, I actually, I was a math major in college, but I'm not super quick with, yeah. And I didn't graduate, but I didn't. I'm not super quick with like mental addition and subtractions. I can't do that as fast as some people can do. The robot man was a math major, right?

What job were you hoping to get into? Well, I used to work in video game design. Yeah. Okay. Oh, so that you need? Yeah. So like you can get a computer programming experience applied for that. The deeper you get into your story, the less interesting it becomes.

I didn't realize there was a lot of math on the Sopranos video game. Oh yeah, Joey Nails had to, to solve some math based riddles. Tony, this guy owes us 3,000, but then I also spent 1,900 over here. So how much do we got left? Well, let me figure out. My goomba is coming here in a car traveling 65 miles per hour. Meanwhile, the capo is coming here in a car driving the opposite direction and 40 miles per hour. It means so funny if that was just a thing that they started putting in like grammar and math.

Like mini puzzles. Like in the Far Cry 5. Like, all right, but first count these things. Like, yeah. I would love to see. And you'd have to like do it under some sort of time moment. Like, uh, I don't know, 16, 50. There's actually a great, there was a great Sega Dreamcast game, Typing of the Dead.

And it just was the House of the Dead shooting game, but they adapted it for, it was a typing game. Yeah. So like these guys would go around and instead of guns, they had keyboards and then to type in words to kill zombies. It was like super, it was super fun. And it was like, I had a nice. Hey, I was a Mario teaches typing guy. We've talked about that.

That was a great game. Yeah. I would say I was more of a Mavis Beacon man. Oh, I was a Mavis Beacon person, but I tried it too late and I never can. I type my own weird way that. Yeah, right. Yeah. It's funny.

I think when we were in school, there was like, like I took a keyboard and class and like because of that, I learned how to type. Yeah. There were some people who did not show us not to do that. And they like to this day, don't type the correct way. I wish that that was a mandatory class. And if it's not now, it should. Oh, there's no way.

It has to be right at this point. I feel like. Or I guess I already know how to type before, you know, maybe when you get to school or on their phones. Tell me about it. Hey, you know, out there and let us know what your tip. Yeah. You're typing simulator of choice was hashtag typing tutor.

Tell us, uh, do we Mario versus Mario teaches typing? We're a Kasparov guy. This is as boring as the fucking typing games. You learn how to type. I'm curious. I feel like there's a lot of Mavis, Mavis speaking people out there, but I want to connect with them. And if, if it is Mavis speaking, you should have her on the podcast.

All right. It feels like someone, like she was real, but then the image of her is like an actress. Like they've definitely like, every time I see her, she's slightly different, although in the same, like the, like the cut of her cloth is about the same, but it's. I think she's not real, which I was upset to find out. I say to me, she felt like the, like the resident evil, like, uh, you know, like the little girl and resident evil. That's like the, the SIM.

Do you know what I'm talking about? I don't know the game super well. Another franchise. Fuck this then. I know the umbrella corporation. Yeah. She's a part of the, I know Jill. Yeah.

Yeah. I was going to say that she's like a little like, like is like an, like almost like a SIM or something Mavis speaking, which I guess she is. She's fake. Yeah. My understanding, my understanding is that she was like a, she was created for marketing purposes, but she's not actually a crocker. She's real.

Right. Yeah. She is a fictional character. Yeah. Real bummer. Yeah. But I, but apparently, oh, this is interesting. She isn't ready player one.

Well, there goes my crush. No more Mavis beacon. Um, let's, uh, let's, let's get to our final thoughts and let's make our judgment. Okay. Wow. This is. Sure. You're our guest.

We'll start with you. Well, I think that. And don't reveal our four career, our four grade A or fork reveal at the same time. So hold off on that, but let us know. Oh, we're going to say one, two, three. Yeah, we'll count it down. These two pieces stood out to each other. They passed in my mind, the test of being good, cold and hot.

Um, there's two different flavors that play here. One is playing strong into the cheese. One is playing strong into the sauce in my opinion. Like, uh, I feel like Costco has a very traditional pizza flavor. Like Domino's in a weird way has reinvented the pizza game by creating something that is pizza, but distinctly Domino's. You can't have that Domino's flavor and think of it as anything else. So that was what I was wrestling with.

These two very strong takes on pizza. Um, equally yummy. Uh, and I think the fact that they were both cheese was good. Um, and I will say that, uh, I will say that for me, the crust on the Domino's, I like that crust. It feels a little bit more alive to me. I don't know if it's a buttery crust or something. There's something in that crust.

Costco is a little bit more of a plain crust. That's fair. Yeah. And that's, uh, that's where I'm at before revealing anything of merit. Yeah. Go ahead, Mitch. I love pizza. I love it.

It's my favorite food and it hasn't dropped down even with this tournament. And even though it, it's probably going to kill me someday, but, but, but from when I was a boy, pizza nights, Friday night, pizza nights with my family, it's just the best. It's the best food in my eyes because it can be super fancy and it can be plain and would you argue it's America's favorite food? It's America. It's America's favorite. It's America's favorite food.

It might be now. What do you think it was before burgers? I think there was, I think there was a burger period. I think actually there was a hot dog period that I think maybe, you know, back in the day, um, I think there's probably like a stew period. I feel like there was like, like, yeah. Like there's a depression era. People were like, Oh, a cup of stew.

That's what, uh, that's, that's a meal that'll treat you right. Uh, but I do feel like I do. I think pizza is America's food now and say it stayed there probably longer than any of the other, definitely longer than stew. Right. Yes. I mean, I guess that's fair. Like there was probably like a, like a loaf of bread period too.

Things like that, but for the most part pizza in the modern day is, is number one. Yeah. Since we all were young and yeah for, so, you know, a good 30 plus years now, pizza has been, I think one of the best. Yeah. And I've seen domino change over the years and I like it a lot in its different kind of, I've had bad dominoes and I've had good dominoes and I,

and I love Costco for what it represents for, for like just like these regular pizza that you get anywhere. There's too much cheese. It's hockey rink pizza. It brings good feelings and in vibes and I do like Costco pizza a lot. And you know what? I like blaze because I like the future of pizza too. And I, and I like that they're, that, that pizza is still popular and,

and, and people love it and they're more chains are popping up. Um, I have, I do have a winner in my mind and, but I'm not going to say it, of course, but it was, it was very close. I think, I think, I think all three of these places did a good job. Right. Uh, still, if you boil it down to it is a slice from somewhere in New York better, probably if just on, on any sort of like, of course. Yeah.

But, but this is, this is the best representation to me for, for chain. Yes. Yeah. Um, I want to give a special acknowledgement to blaze, which will not be our winner today as, as we can infer from the three of us. I feel like, I feel like I get, I get inferred strongly that we're, that we're not going to pick with blaze and it doesn't have enough of a margin. It really barely has any margin at all from the fan voting and,

and from our wild card blaze choke or is it, did we judge it unfairly? Did we like, is this, was this an M&M moment where blaze got on the stage and he threw up or whatever happens in that movie? Yeah. Was this like LeBron cramping up during the finals? I will say this. I feel like that attack is unfair on LeBron and I feel like your own attack on him right now.

Why it's one people have made their memes out there. Wow. Wow. But I think this was just not a situation where it was going to shine. It's just, it's about, it's cheers, right? It was about customization. It's about toppings. It's about their various recipes for pies that they have prefab.

Uh, them as a plain cheese, plain sauce and dough, just as those three elements, it just doesn't have a lot going on. It's pretty boring. Can I ask who picked that up? The blaze? Noah picked it up. Noah, can, can you come to the mic for one second? You fucked up.

When you picked it up, did they look at you like you were like an asshole that you ordered like that many plain? No, they were like, this is enormous. They would imagine they were like plain. Right. That's not even like, like that's a place where that's not an option. No, it's a, it's very nice. It's the type of place you go in and they say welcome to blaze and they,

they're super friendly and it wasn't like lunch rush. Okay. I thought it might be because it was a round lunch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually wasn't super busy. So they, they had enough confidence to be like, you're going to love this plain cheese pizza. That's interesting.

Yeah. You know, a lot of people in front of me got the spicy sauce. Yeah. I think maybe the, the regular sauce might be a little more on the bland side because the spicy sauce. Yeah. That spicy sauce would have woke it up. Yeah.

All right. Put it in the game. Okay. It needed something. Yeah. It needed something. And you know, I do have a soft spot for the chain because I think it's had a good showing here.

It reminds me of my favorite pastime, uh, sparking up tasty nugs, but Jesus Christ, just smoke weed once before you make, before you make that joke, smoke weed once. I'm going to get around to it. It's funny though, because your apartment is full of bongs. Yeah. A real novelty bongs. Right. I just like them on an aesthetic.

That's why you order all that water. Uh, but I, as far as Domino's and Costco are concerned. Mm hmm. I, I definitely had a bias for Costco coming in. Will that be a factor? I mean, it's definitely going to influence my thinking to some degree. It's impossible to completely put that out of, out of mind. But I will say that I think there is that my bias for this tournament in general, and

then also for the specific matchup was that the best just solid slice, particularly from a cheese standpoint is going to come from Costco. And I don't feel like Costco disappointed today. I feel like Costco delivered what I expected. However, Domino's gave me a little something more than I expected. And I felt like they had a very strong showing. And I feel like all the nibbles I've had of this Domino's pizza, both at, at heated right up delivery arrived, picked up and straight out of the box.

And after had been sitting for a little bit and getting down to room temp have been very satisfactory. These are, these are both very good pizzas. I want to say that this is like Domino's, maybe best performance was today. I agree. They really, they really shown in this, in this final, this final matchup. And there's a lot of weight that we hold here because we know that one of these look at like a franchise will be closing based on that.

That will be, that's a big blow to one of these organizations. So that, you know, we don't take that lightly. I just want everyone to know. It's really insane that these companies agreed to those terms because they, they were like, what is dough boys? And we're like, oh, we're this, we're doing like a reviewing pizza. Slices, right? Yeah.

They were signing it as they were asking these questions. Yeah. They're like, all right, I guess, like we, do we get anything that we win? Or is like, oh yeah, we'll etch your name on a trophy. And they're like, do we get the trophy? Or like, no, it's at Mitch's place. All right. I guess.

Is it going to stay here? Yeah. It's going to be next to the Captain Phasma Funk. This thing is fucking huge. And next to that undrink and bottle of wine that you songs parents gave you. I'm going to drink the bottle of wine at some point. Well, you'll drink that wine when I smoke weed. I'm not a T total.

What the fuck are you talking about? I've been saving it for a special moment. Okay. It's recent. Well, let's, let's deliver it. Oh, and can I say one thing before we go for the vote of the vote? This month has been amazing to listen to because it reinvigorated my, I love pizza. I eat it all the time, but it made me really question and think about pizza in a

deeper level. And I also married your podcast with David Chang's Ugly Delicious Pizza. Oh, yeah. Which if you don't come out with a greater appreciation for the way that people make pizza, it's one of the best, I think, explorations of pizza in an hour. And they explore chain pizza a little bit in that episode too. And then also just like, just the difference. It gives you like you were saying gives you an appreciation for like, oh, I guess this

Italian original like Roma style of pizza that maybe I wouldn't think of as pizza in the same way, but I can still appreciate the artisans who are crafting this. It's, it's one of the only foods I would argue. Right. That can be so differently prepared, but yet called the same exact thing. We could have been doing the same thing on Netflix if you didn't burn that guy's foot with your coffee. That wasn't what, that wasn't what.

Well, you got in that meeting. Weren't you like, uh, didn't you be like, it took me off guard? Or are you, are that the meeting where you, uh, you insulted the executives who were wanting to meet with you? That was a different meeting. That was, that was a separate meeting yet not, yeah, close to as important. You're suggesting I sabotage these meetings that was inadvertent. I think you sabotage a lot of things in your life.

Well, Jack Black just gave, uh, he's, uh, producing a podcast, uh, about two guys. He said, I know he wanted you, but he didn't, you didn't have a partner. Two guys eating food. You're too afraid to go over and say hello to Jack. I had a meter that had expired. We went over this face that you saw Jumanji and you, you, you were in awe. And you didn't want. Right.

I was starstruck. All right. Jumanji, not a bad movie at all, by the way. Yeah. A fun movie. I was not a diss on Jumanji. It sounded like it. I had to want to make sure.

Also Jumanji neck underage kids get sucked into the video game. They become a vague. All right. Okay. I'm just telling you. Seems like a movie up your alley. It's up your alley. Let's declare the winner.

Get this shit over with. We'll count down from three. You sang the, the tally again. Give it so, so it's official. So we'll know what's going to happen depending on how we score it. Yeah. So right now, Domino's has one fork. Costco has three quarters of a fork and Blaze has one quarter of a fork.

Okay. So depending on how we decide, this is, this is going to push one of these over the top. We will count down from three. We will declare our winner. Who is getting our fork in this tournament of food you don't normally eat with a fork. Oh shit. Wow. We'll say our winner.

Simultaneously. Counting down from three. Two. One. Domino's. Wow. Wait, which, what did you say? Domino's.

Domino's has taken it by a score of three forks out of five. Congratulations. Wow. You are the winner of this year's munch madness. The tournament of chompians defying the will of white grubs. I gave Irma the Costco vote. I was trying to be helpful. Yeah.

And by the way, can we just talk about the fact of that? Domino's came out from the, the last chance kitchen. They did. They fought their way back from the, our losers bracket and fat chance kitchen. One of the most, one of the most triumphant comebacks of all time. It really is. And it's the,

look, it's the vote of the people online. That's what they, they all voted for Domino's. I mean, there is a taste and a flavor to it that I think gives you a more complete pizza experience. If we're sending it to the aliens. This is,

this is, this is America like it or not. Right. This is what we are. I think I agree that I agree with what you're saying. I would have personally picked Costco, but I am not sad to see Domino's. You did personally pick Costco. Yeah.

That's what I said. That's what I said. That's exactly what I said. Well, that's what I said. That's what I said. That's what I said. That's what I said.

That's exactly what I said. That's exactly what I said. Well, I personally picked Costco, but you also knew that the aliens are lactose intolerance. And you were trying to somehow create, I want to give him diarrhea. Ooh,

kind of like the end of uploading the virus and independent stuff. Much cruder version of that. Well, congratulations, Domino's. Your name is going to be etched on the side of the Dave Thomas cup. But you know what? That is not the only award we give out here on the turn of champions. Wow.

There was one remaining award, the heart of a champion, which we give to that entrant or just peripheral figure who has displayed something special this tournament. The first year, it was five guys. Last year, it was Armin Weitzman. That's right. This year, Mitch and I have determined that in this discussion of Italian-American cuisine

that is a times proved divisive, we could land on an Italian-American figure who is beloved by all. And is a great representation of all Italians. Perhaps the most wholesome representation of Italians that exists. We were referring, of course, to this year's winner of the heart of a champion award, Super Mario. Mario,

congratulations. Wow. Say it again. He said, he sounds pretty excited about that. He was very quiet. Hold on. Mario, hey.

Hey, did you know, did you hear? You won heart of a champion. That's pretty exciting, right? Mama mia. Oh, wow. Okay. All right. Oh, wow.

How about that? I did it. Gotcha. Oh, no. Oh, no. Luigi thinks he wanted to. Oh, Luigi. You had your year, you little piece of shit.

Yeah, Luigi. Wait a second. Wait. Look at that. I don't think that's Mario. I think that's Wario pretending to be Mario. Oh, my God. Oh, no.

Oh, no. With a trophy. Oh, you. And who's that? He has in his arm there. Mavis beacon and this is a scene from ready player. And they're fucking in it. Oh, God.

Well, we had an ending to the turn right of chop. Armin. Armin has a statement. Yes. He says that he gladly has handed the baton on to Mario and he had this to say a plumber went down a green pipe. He was Italian and was trying to do right. What he found down there was more than he could have possibly

imagined. I can only pray my life serves it as great a purpose. He crushed shells and he rolled the blue Yoshi, the original blue flyer. Of course, passing the baton later to Wato. May God may God carve you all. Wow. That's beautiful.

Hey, on that very coherent. Yeah. That was maybe the most coherent thing I've ever heard from our arm and just be a communicating to anybody in text. I guess that will wait a minute. Why did this come through here? What? What is that Vince McMahon's theme music that's also used by

tournament commissioner Evan Susser? That is right. We're not done yet. My boy. Is this planned? Are you just calling him? No. What do you think?

I don't know. Just because I'm fumbling around here. Here we go. There's an announcement from Commissioner Susser. Hello. This is Evan Susser. I'm going to make a brief statement after which I will not be taking questions.

Do boys. I'm calling to announce that I am reinstating myself as commissioner. That's right. This tournament has been too easy on both of you. I need an on the spot decision. The winner of the pizza tournament versus the past winners. That's right. It's your winner today versus the in and out double double versus

the Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich and you needed to make a decision right now. What? Wow. You heard the man. This is a shocker for the for this year's tournament or just in general the winner right now between the in and out burger spicy chicken sandwich and Domino's Pizza.

I guess so you guys are trapped on a desert island and you only can eat one of these things. Wow. You know what? I got this to say. Susser's not here. You saw remains commissioner. Yeah.

They'll do it for this episode of Doe Boys. Wait, wait, hold on Nick. One last thing. Oh boy. One last thing. Just one. We have someone else going into what is happening? Here we go.

Hello, Burger Boy and Spoon Son. It's not a spoon. I just wanted to say the Turner is not over until the champion goes up against Pete Spiria, Regina here in Boston. So buy some flying tickets and we'll see you soon. That's my mom. My mom said this last night that it has to go up against Regina. So you had your mom plan to come on here and then we got her in again.

She got in too much. What do you want me to say? I saw that she was here. All right. That's it. That's all I had. I wanted to play everything I had. Hey, I appreciate you.

You getting all those bits prepped sheer. Thank you so much for giving so much of your time to this dumb experiment for four hours of your time. This is the best way to spend my day. I do anything you would like to plug it this time. No, I'm fine. You can listen to my podcast. How did this get made?

That's fine. Yeah, a great podcast. You're already listening to it, but better than our better than our listen to these guys on our podcast as we talked about the worst movie. One of the worst. I'm sorry about that. I think it was equilibrium. No, it was the ultra violent.

Yes. Those movies kind of blend together. I don't remember a plot point about them. Like it's such a weird. There's a briefcase and bullet time and a kidney briefcase. Yeah, it was very, it was very complicated. Well, hey, well, Nick, the tournament is over. Thank God.

Thank God. And that'll do it for this episode of dough boys until next time for the spoon man, Mike Mitchell. Happy eating. See you.