Doughboys - Munch Madness: Firehouse Subs vs Jersey Mike's with Carl Tart & Lamar Woods

Episode Date: March 17, 2022

Carl Tart & Lamar Woods (XOXO, Gossip Kings) join the 'boys to discuss hot vs cold subs before tackling the semi-soft finals of Munch Madness 2022: The Tournament of Chompions: Hero's Journey: Sub-Optimal. Plus, a brand new segment, The Michelin Men. Sources for this week's intro:https://www.mashed.com/149053/the-untold-truth-of-jersey-mikes/https://moneyinc.com/firehouse-subs/https://www.jerseymikes.com/historyhttps://www.firehousesubs.com/find-out-our-story/Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's up, everybody? It's your boy, The Spoon Man, and I want to talk to you about today's sponsor, Uber Eats. At Uber Eats, we've helped more than 400,000 restaurants across the U.S. reach new, hungry customers and deliver growth quickly through new orders. Uber's global platform can help you grow, reach new people, get valuable sales data, and unlock ways to expand with flexible delivery options. Put your business on Uber Eats, get access to the Uber Eats platform, including valuable sales data to grow your business. Dig into your data. Really dig in there anytime to monitor your performance and customer order trends. Wow. Wow. Why, restaurant owners, enjoy 0% commission for the first 30 days on all orders,

offer subject to change per the terms of the restaurant agreement. Wow, 0% on the first 30 days. Sign up today. That link that you want to click on is down there in the episode description. Right down there. Check it out. There it is. Move your cursor. Go ahead and click. Or if you're on your phone, use your finger. And click that link. Click that link in the episode description. Chris Sorenson and Robin Sorenson. Peter Cancro. These enterprising restaurant tours are responsible for two fast-growing fan-favorite sandwich shops. One themed after America's Bravest, the other named for its original Garden State owner. Today, with 1,200 and 1,900 locations

respectively, these dueling sandwicheries each proved their medal in the opening round, with convincing victories over Jimmy John's and Charlie's cheesesteaks. But now, the cheesesteaks have been raised as the winner moves on to the championship, inviting range of the most prestigious trophy and chain restaurant podcasting, the Dave Thomas Cup. Will the grinder outlet founded by first responders come in first, or will the sub shop founded in America's most derided state prove its most beloved sandwich chain? Will we go fully involved or Mike's way? This week on Doe Boys, the first match of the semi-soft final round of Munch Madness 2022, the Tournament of Champions,

Hero's Journey, Sub-Optimal, Firehouse Subs versus Jersey Mike's. Let's go! Welcome to Doe Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger, along with my co-host Notorious B.L.T., Mr. Slice of Bread, Mike Mitchell. Courtesy of Stephen and Nashville. Why is it Notorious B.L.T.? Well, because if you just say B.L.T., that's just the sandwich. It's got to be a pun on something. Need some amount of wordplay. Stephen writes, Love the show, no need to plug anything. Stephen from Nashville, roastspoonman at gmail.com. We'll plug something. We will be in Nashville, live on April 20th with guests Jesse Farrar and Mike Hale from Your Kickstarter Sucks. Wow.

Tickets at headgum.com slash live. Look for us. That will be fun. Back to Zany's. We're going to Zany's. We're going back to Zany's. Going back to Zany's. What's the lineup that week? Louis CK, us. Yeah, Chris D'Lea. D'Lea's doing two nights. Yeah, baby. Cosby. It's going to be great. We're opening for Cosby. He's closing. Mitch, we have some terrific guests today, and also I would say a terrific matchup,

because this is, you know, we're all sportos here. And sometimes in sports, like the conference finals is the actual finals. I think this is the case with today's matchup. I think these two subchains, we may be just deciding who's going to take it all. Who's going to win the Dave Thomas cup? Because I don't even want to tell you how fucking shitty of a Laker statement that just was. What do you mean? Like sometimes the East is just easy to fucking stomp after you play whoever it is in the West. You are so self-conscious that you took that purse lay. Did not mean that as a slam against the Eastern Conference. Some have called it the Eastern Conference. I don't call it that.

The East is better this year. I'm watching winning time. I see what you guys are up to over there in the West Coast. Everyone's fucking and sucking. Dr. Buss is fucking. Buss is, Buss is fucking. He's waking in the, in the episode he wakes up in the first scene. He's waking up next to some lady in the Playboy mansion. Yeah, it's wild. Not over here on the East Coast. And then he breaks the fourth wall. Yeah. What the fuck is that shit, McKay? McKay must, you know, I visited McKay's house once. There's no walls there. He doesn't put up any walls, just the ceiling. Wow. Yeah, but careful with that ceiling. Don't look up. Well, as I said, Biggie Smiles best rapper. I was saying this last night,

best rapper there ever was. Wow. Have you, have you, have you listened? Have you ever heard a rap song I guess is maybe safe to ask you? Of course. Of course. I went to the same high school as Snoop Dogg and Warren G. So I'm pretty, I'm pretty well acquainted with 90s West Coast hip hop, but that's basically where my, all my favorites. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, you know, you knew, you knew like the dog pound when we were talking about stuff like that. You knew a lot of stuff. I was impressed. Yeah. Looking like shit, likes feeling like shit. It's that, it's that point. It's that point in the, the tournament. And that's what happens with much madness. Yes.

Chris Van Arsdale made a version of the poster where I'm sitting on a toilet and you, and you were like, this is too much. This is too gross to put out. I thought it was disgusting. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's accurate. I think it should, I think it should now, I think we should change over to that now because it is just. Wow. I had, I had subs last night for dinner. I had the loser bracket last night for dinner. Then I had, I had another loser bracket thing for breakfast this morning. And the day before that, I had one of our chains in the day before that I had and had the other, the ones we're talking about today. So just for like four days of eating this stuff. I mean, I'm in the same boat as you.

We've got eight sandwiches to eat each week. I've had, I've had, yeah, four consecutive lunches. I've been having stuff for the podcast. So yeah, it's, it's, it's rough on the old. Why are we asking our guests to do this? It's, it's too much. Gastrointestinal track. Well, look, that's the nature of this podcast. Our guests are good sports. And I think our guests actually have some fandom for these particular chains, which we'll get into. But Mitch, before we do that, I know you got to play a drop. Jesus. All right. How to hoe to spoon nation. What? I'm going to play the drop. Here we go. Okay. And he

likes cover your ears because this is a loud drop. Okay. So this is right beforehand. This is, this here is, here is allowed. Our guests are covering their ears. Here comes a loud drop. Everyone, Jesus, everyone seems the most scared. I've ever seen all of you. Here we go. Here comes a drop. Thank you. That's the appropriate reaction. Wow. Little Warren Zevon. I like that. Warren Zevon. I always heard it at Warren Zevon. It's Zevon. Warren Zevon. It's Zevon. Our guests are nodding along. Okay. Warren Zevon. Zevon. I've heard it at Zevon. Let the movie with Kevin Spacey. Yeah. My favorite actor. Also,

he'll be at Zainis. So check that out. Him and Cosby do a little routine together. It's funny. Right, man. I saw Bill Cosby. I saw him at just for laughs in Montreal. Let me tell you, brought the house down. It was a fucking great show. I'll tell you that much. It's grim. Then I haven't heard anything about him since. I'm not a big news reader. Yeah. You got a trip to Ukraine coming up, right? Do a little vacation. There's that Cosby documentary. Did you watch any of that? I mean, just to press. I don't. I mean, I just, I can't. I watched.

Do you want me to be away from this? Should we not talk about it? I think the only one of those, I've watched, I watched the Michael Jackson one. I was just like, this is, this is grim and this is tough to watch. I don't want to watch any of the other ones of this. I get it. I don't even want to watch the Scientology one because I'm just like, I know that these, I know that evil exists and I really just don't need an in-depth probe of it for me to be able to accept that that exists in this world. You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't know. Plus, we went to the Celebrity Scientology Center. We did our own investigation. That's true. We did. You know what we found out? Everything's A-OK over there.

From as far as we could see, they were nice. They were nice to us. They, I, we gave them the wrong phone number and ran out of the place. Yeah. Hi, Drop King, Emma, Mitch and Weigar. My middle-aged boyfriend asked me to submit this drop for him. We don't have any children together, but I am hopeful that hearing this drop on a future episode of your show might be the encouragement he needs to finally ask me to marry him after 15 years. Dear God, he is a longtime listener and first-time dropper. His drop was inspired by the Capitol Grill episode with Nagin Farsad. He kept walking

around the house murmuring, sometimes drops just right themselves. So I paid for him to take music lessons with a very talented producer that works under the name Musical Guest. He says to tell you, thanks for all the laughs, your friends in Austin, AC and MG. There we go. I don't know if that's AC or MG who wrote that, Mitch, but that's a keeper. Put a ring on it, get down on one knee, make him marry that person. What are you doing? It's been 15 years. No way. So I submitted a drop for you. The swing in 20s are starting, baby.

We're getting out there. People are, it's going to be, it's going to be, it's going to be the summer, it's going to be the summer of love, Weigar. Oh boy. I see what's going on here. Let Natalie do her thing this summer, for God's sakes. Christ. Hey, Mitch. We have a couple of fantastic guests here today. Two of our favorites. We did. We've wasted way too much of their time. Let's get them in.

We sure have. Joining us today, our guests host the podcast XOXO, Gossip Kings, right here on Head Gum, Carl Tartt, Lamar Woods. Hi, guys. Welcome to Munch Madness. Oh my gosh, it's an honor. It's a privilege. Lamar is still eating. We, we just had to, we just had to record our own, we just had to record our own podcast. So we didn't have a chance to scarf down our sandwiches. But I have, I managed to do a couple while my computer was booting. I think that's why it took so long for my computer to boot because it was letting me scarf down my sandwiches. Your computer is real considerate.

Yeah, take your time. Yeah. We were in the sandwiches on the road, but, but I got a taste of a, a good taste of all of them. Wow. What's up, y'all? So good to see y'all again. It's been a long time. Good to see you too. I know it's been too long. Too long. Yeah. I think, I was going to say, there's four of us today. So there is a chance that it ends in a tie. That's true. We usually let Emma say who the tie breaker should go to. But should a tie go to the guests? We can do this. It should go to Emma. Okay. It'll, it'll go to Emma. It went to our guests and our guests said it'll go to Emma. Great. I wonder, I wonder today, this is a look. Wow. Cause like you said,

this is the Western conference finals when there's some shitty East team coming in. This might be it. Sure. This might, this just, this might be it. This might be, this might be the winner of the tournament. Yeah. Oh, is this the last one? Well, no, this is, this is, there are, there are, this one will, whoever wins here, we'll go into the finals. So this is, we're picking one of the finalists here. There's like 17 more episodes. But yeah, this is like the A, this is like the AFC or NFC championship, essentially. And two, two very, two fierce combatants. I want, I want to start here because you know, a lot of people in LA are sandwich

averse. This is a town where a lot of people are like, I don't eat sandwiches. I'm just going to have a salad. I'm just going to have a bowl. You guys like yourself some sandwiches. What are your sandwich preferences? And is that a thing you have regularly, or is it a thing you have to save as an indulgence? No, I have sandwiches regularly. I think that they, I've tricked myself into thinking that they are healthy for me. Yeah. I think, no, are you saying the same thing, right? Yeah. I eat sandwiches like when I, like I started working out. So I started eating sandwiches after the workout to feel like it's part of it, but I just fall asleep and take a

nap after. I like, I don't think this is helping. My cousin Asan, I'm not going to tell you what my favorite sandwiches are because I think that ruins the, the magic of the show. We'll get to it. But I, my cousin Asan says to me when he'll be like, Oh, what you doing for dinner tonight? And I'll tell him where I'm going to dinner if it's a sandwich place. He goes, that's not dinner. That's lunch. And I go, you don't get to, first of all, eat whatever I want to. I'm the, I'm the, I run this household. Yeah. You don't live here. I live here. That's number one. Can't eat sandwiches tonight. I'm your cousin. Listen to me. Listen to your family. I'm your blood. There are, but, but is there a rule versus cold sandwiches versus hot

sandwiches for dinner? Does your dinner have to be hot? Can dinner be cold? That's a good question. I think so. Yeah. I always like a hot sandwich. I always like hot food in general. I look, I like a nice Italian sub sometimes. It's great to get a cold cut Italian sub, but wise I like hot stuff. I like, I like a hot meal. It makes me feel like I'm eating something more substantial for whatever reason. Don't they eat cold soup for dinner in mother Russia, Mitch's favorite country? Mother Russia. Oh, shit. Is that what it's called? I'm pissed that there's a, I can't, I can't visit Russia in the next couple of months. It's kind of bullshit. But my homie, one of my friends, Curtis Drowey,

is a rapper. We was in Atlanta over the holidays and this fool. So I was always like a lunch sandwich cat. Like it was like no, no sandwiches for dinner, but he changed my whole mindset because we was at his house, like, you know, getting ready to go out, but I hadn't eaten at all really there in the day. I hadn't had lunch, but it was definitely dinner time. And this dude put, he had, so, you know, he'd go in his refrigerator to get drinks and stuff, but he had like a full like hero sub. Like it was just glistening in the, in the refrigerator. It looked beautiful. Like, I was just like, and I said, yo, I ain't trying to be rude, but can I have that? I'm hungry as fuck. And this is what he told me. He said, he said, I knew y'all was coming over.

I wanted to put it in there like that. And he was like, look, do it, don't it. And I was like, go hide the sandwich. Yeah. When you got a good looking sandwich like that, you put, you got to put that in the drawer. You can't put, yeah, you got to put it in the drawer. You got to hide it away somewhere. You can't keep it on display. Yeah, it's wild. But I ate it for dinner and it was great. Wow. Speaking of Bill Cosby, remember on the Cosby show where he would have these like the big ass like sandwich, like anytime there's a big ass like sandwich on TV and like it's always, I guess like the father of the house is always like, I'm going to just sit down and eat my big old sandwich. It never looks appetizing to me because it's like too big.

It's cartoonishly big. And I remember that, I just always think of Dagwood, the old comic strip that was Dagwood was always eating the biggest sandwich because he wanted to ignore his extremely attractive wife, Blondie. And I think of like a similar sort of thing. I think it was, I don't know if Al Bundy ever did it with food. Dagwood did not deserve Blondie, by the way. That's just fucking bullshit. Al liked his food. I mean, Al was more about the No Ma'am club and just being alone. Because they didn't have food a lot of the times. Like their whole thing is that they was poor and there was no food in the house. So like a lot of times he just wanted a lone time. Cosby, there was an episode where Cosby had a big sandwich and then he went to sleep and he was

visited by the Muppets. And they went like that fantasy land? Yeah, I remember that. Dropped one of his Mickey's in a sandwich or something. Jesus Christ. Get visited by the fucking Muppets. He dropped his whole shit in the cell. He was trying to hide them from Claire and he dropped one in the sandwich. And that's what he did with that fantasy land. Good God. What? It's the, you can't make fun of them? It's what happened on the show. That's what happened on the show. We just had the viewing party a couple of weeks ago. Everyone, I can't make it this week, but guys.

Hard to find those seasons. It is, I watched the documentary on which is a horrible documentary. It's like, we need to talk about Cosby. And then the talk is basically like, he's bad. It's like, yeah, yeah. No, I know. He's bad. No shit. Yeah. We all know he's bad. He's done really bad stuff. But anyways, don't have to talk about Cosby any longer. Well, come out bells that we need to talk about Cosby. You didn't read the whole title of that documentary. We need to talk about Cosby though, boys. He was like a really small print. That was addressed at us. Oh man.

Weird. I'm curious about the hot versus cold sandwich that either or. And for me, like, I do love a hot sandwich. I think like, you know, certainly for like a work lunch or a dinner, certainly I'd prefer a hot sandwich. But man, certain cold sandwiches are so comforting. And yeah, like, like, like, like, like an Italian sub, I just don't think there's a hot version of an Italian sub that's as good as just like a good cold one drizzled in oil and vinegar. But I don't know. And I obviously like a, like a peanut butter sandwich. You don't like a good meatball sub. Come on. I do like a good meatball sub. I'm talking about like an Italian sub specifically. I'm

saying if you get an Italian cold cuts versus an Italian melt, I better have a cold version of that. That's what I'm saying. There's certain versions, there's certain sandwiches that are better cold. And that's definitely the case with one of the sandwiches I got today, which is, or for this week's episode, which was, you know, sometimes the veggie sandwich, I feel like veggie melts always are kind of gross. I feel like they're always kind of wet and sloppy, but a cold veggie sandwich can be, if well executed, can be really, really satisfying. And something of a lighter lunch as sandwiches go. Yeah. I mean, none of us got veggie sandwiches, I'm guessing, besides you.

That's, that's still clear. That shit is nasty. Only, how do you get a sandwich with no meat? It's a salad. That's a salad with bread. That's a salad with soft croutons. Just too big ass croutons, too long croutons. Let me get two big old, let me get two big pieces of bread and slather some mayo on there and then just fill it up with bell peppers. Oh man. Sometimes it's satisfying.

And when they would have like sandwich platters at places, they would always have a, like a veggie option for the vegetarians. And it was always like, uh, like, and if you waited too long to get your sandwich, you missed the cold cut trio or the turkey. You had to eat veggie. And it was like, ah, but I will tell you this at some way, I did used to like the veggie delight, that hot patty thing that they used to have. That thing was, wasn't that bad. The flavor of it was kind of okay. But then you get it in a patty form. You know what I mean? It's, you get, you get, it's almost like you're getting a, some sort of protein or whatever. They still have the veggie patty and I don't know if nostalgia wasn't working for me,

but we had it last year on the pod and I found it pretty bad. Maybe it's gotten worse or, you know, maybe if I'd had it when I was younger, I would have liked it, but I don't know. Yeah, so many veggie sandwiches are just kind of half-assed. I do think that the chains that we're dealing with today do good ones, but I'm curious that pivoting to another meatless sandwich. And this is something that I know is from the Carolinas, but also it has some, you know, I don't know how common it is throughout the South, but, but the pimento cheese sandwich. Times would have encountered a pimento cheese sandwich. I've really enjoyed that. That sounds good. I never had that, but I've always wanted to try that.

You never had that. Okay. I would love to try one, but that is, I think we had that out in Georgia. Yeah. Okay. What about, what about a cucumber, cucumber and cream cheese sandwich wags? That can be fun. Yeah. They'll be refreshing. They're, it's a weird one, but it exists. Get that as a tea sandwich? Sure. Mm-hmm. It was funny when you, when you were describing your veggie sandwich and myself and our two guests and Emma just were blankly staring at you after you finished your

point. You know what's funny? So my computer started to be weird at that point and it was like, kind of, I clicked over to another window to look at the menu of, and I wish, do we need to bleep that? No, no, no. It's all right. Okay. Actually, yes, we do. We do. Sorry, Emma. Yeah, bleep that. And just saying, just put me saying here, Emma, cut this and I was looking at a tab of Riley Reed and... You want me to cut that or bleep it? Bleep. Take the clip of me saying Riley Reed and paste it over the word that I said in the other. So, but my computer started to trip out, but then I noticed that I was like, oh man,

everybody's gone silent and I must have lost connection. But no, it was just nobody wanted to react to a veggie sandwich. Yeah. That's like that's similar to me in front of a live audience. So I'll get that same reaction too. Let me actually this on top of the warm versus cold. When you get a cold sandwich, I do this a lot. I put it in a market wave for five seconds. So it's not a hot sandwich, but it'd be like a cold cut trio type of thing. And then I like it a little warm, not like, because just to make it feel nice, you know, like not too cold in my mouth. Make it feel nice. Yeah. It's real comforting. I don't do that too often, but you know what? I'll sometimes we'll, oh, God, Wally just threw up. Jesus, boy. You need to think about that veggie

sandwich. Just fucking yacked up right like right around like a bunch of wires. Perfect. Good spot, Wally. Jesus Christ. Anyways, I don't do that. You need a pause? No, I don't care. He'll eat it on your floor. Yeah, he'll eat it at some point. So I don't do that too often, but I'll sometimes do like a little panini press to some, like I'll sometimes grill a cold sandwich. I'll toss it in the grill. I don't usually go for cold subs. Like Italian is kind of the cold sub. And then one of the places we're going to today is a place where I also get like a cold turkey and bacon sub or something like that. You guys are both fans of today's restaurants, right? You like both? Yes. Yeah, most definitely. Yeah, thank you for,

yeah, I probably would hate that today. Yeah, yeah. Well, one of them is like a good, like, oh, he's barfing again. Jesus. One of them is a, yeah, there it goes. One of them is like a listening to the podcast. I mean, that could be what it is. One of them is a lunch rotation spot for me. Like I'll try, maybe we'll get it once a week. And I'm not going to say which one till we reveal. We're keeping it secret this week for for some reason. But like you guys were saying, Lamar, we were talking about how at one point in our lives we thought sandwiches were healthy. Like a turkey sandwich to me wasn't a bad thing to have. Right. It felt like a healthier lunch. And then in LA, it's like you can only eat,

if you're going to be healthy, you can only eat salads. Basically, that's all you can eat. Which is a bummer. I mean, Mitch, we may have talked about this a little bit, but like when you were, anybody, when you were a senior in high school and you got your senior lunch passed, and so we were on block scheduling. So there was days where we would leave school at lunch and not have to come back until practice started at three. Wow. And lunch started at like 12. So it was like, okay, so we're literally out and we would go straight to Wendy's like every day. We could eat like that back then. Like I was rail thin and I was eating Wendy's every day, because we would leave every day to go to Wendy's before practice because then we'd run for three

hours. Right. I would, I made fun of myself for being fat the same way I do now. And I weighed like 180 pounds, which is just crazy. Yeah, right. Like maybe, maybe 200 for me, but 180 to 200. But I looked, you know, like I'll look at pictures and I was like, oh, I was like, a thin man. But we, we, my North Quincy was a little bit like locked down. You couldn't leave. You couldn't leave at all. But we just would leave and we go to the Pizza Hut buffet a lot. We do the Pizza Hut buffet. Yeah. Or we go, we would, we would, we would walk to, we were supposed to run to track practice. But one of our friends had a car and we drive to Taco Bell. And then just like stroll into track practice with Taco Bell, like a bag of Taco Bell.

Wow. We had a Taco Bell down the street too. Which they knew I wasn't like, they're like, you didn't like, for me, they're like, there's no way you ran here and got Taco Bell and like made it in time. Right. There's no way you're fast enough to do that. They knew it was up. But yeah, I know stuff like that. We, but we couldn't leave. We, we didn't have off campus lunch. Wise, you were the same, right? Long Beach is open campus in that it's, you're outside, but you couldn't actually leave the premises, right? Yeah. Once you were 18, you could get a lunch pass like Carl was talking about and leave campus. But, but yeah, for, for most of the time, we were just kind of staying in school, although there was a Tommy's literally across the street.

I don't think it's there anymore. I think it's something else, but there was a Tommy's literally across the street from the school that, that kids would go to. And Natalie, who I didn't play sports at all in, in high school, but Natalie did gymnastics and she's talked about how she would go like before gymnastics, she'd do the same thing and she'd go to like Weiner Schnitzel and she'd get a chili dog, chili cheese fries and a chili cheese burger and she'd, she'd eat all of those and then she'd go do gymnastics for like two hours and like, like never like, like nothing was unfazed was like, like it's, it's amazing kids digestive tracts and ability to just convert anything in energy. Jesus. Yeah. Use that as a song. It's amazing kids digest, digestive tracts.

Like talking about kids digestive tracts up in here. What's going on? Also, Nick, you would, I didn't know you went to same school as Snoop Dogg and Warren G. That's tight. I did. Yeah. Long Beach College. Do they talk about that a lot? Do they, uh, like, is it like their legends of the school? Yeah. I mean, almost scholars and champions, we were, you know, like the, the, the, there was a lot of, uh, Tony Gwynne went to my high school, uh, baseball of famer, RIP, uh, Billie Jean King went to my high school, uh, uh, a live singer, Marilyn Vaughn Horn, but, but yeah, Snoop Dogg, Warren G. And then the other one who was big in my generation was Cameron Diaz. Everyone talked about Diaz. Yeah.

That, because I knew he, she went to the same school as Snoop Dogg. So that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. Home of scholars, champions and podcasters. I think they should add podcasts. They should. It's about time. It's overdue. Kind of like a wreath, a wreath with headphones on it. I hope that there's like a graffiti mural outside of your high school with Snoop Dogg, Warren G. And then Weiger is the last one. A little mural of Weiger. Everyone's like, who's that? That guy paint himself on? It's just, it's that picture of, it's that picture used for your one man show.

That was hanging up in the, hanging up in the green room. Oh, me with the big muscles. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, yeah. But by, by my one man show I did in like 2006 or 2007, I had a poster where this is for the listeners. I would, I was just wearing a, uh, bikini briefs and was flexing with my actual doughy body next to a couple of body builders. And that was the thing. I can hear the listeners nutting right now. Fucking freaks.

Snoop Dogg, Warren G. and some Timothy McVay looking fella on the Long Beach murals. Who the fuck is that? And I came all the way out here from Montana to see Snoop Dogg's high school and I want to know who that guy is. They're wasting paint over here. But, uh, that'd be tight, man. They should put you on there. That's tight. I'm fucking listening to you more than Snoop Dogg right now. Probably. I probably got the, oh boy. I mean, that's a, maybe, maybe cut that out. I got a reputation over here. We'll take a break. We'll be back with more dough boys.

You know, Mitch, you're about to take a little trip abroad. You're going to Costa Rica. That's right. Why? So I'm going to Costa Rica with the family. It's going to be a lot of fun. Gonna maybe see a monkey. Oh, that's fun. Gonna maybe see a bird. Just that. Just a one monkey, one bird. That's it. Hey, that sounds like a heck of a vacay. And you know what? Knowing some Spanish might be helpful down there. And if you have an upcoming summer trip abroad, my go-to travel hack is Babel. Whether you're a season traveler or embarking on your first adventure, communication is key to fully experiencing a new culture. That's where Babel comes in. Babel is the language learning app that sold more than 10

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That's code DOBOYS50 at factormeals.com slash DOBOYS50 to get 50% off your first box. Do it. Welcome back to Doughboys. We are here with our guests from XOXO Gossip Kings, Carl Tartt, Lamar Woods. For Munchmanis 2022, the turnip of the champions, heroes journey, suboptimal, the semi-soft finals, firehouse subs versus jersey mikes. Now, Mitch, we got some rules. Semi-soft finals. Also, by the way, funniest podcast name. You guys got the funniest podcast name. There's a fucking hilarious podcast name. DOBOYS. I like your name too. I like DOBOYS. The DOBOYS and the Kings back together again. Wow. Do y'all watch Gossip Girl? We'd love to

have you on there. You do. I will watch it for the pod. I've seen it a couple times. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we should talk about it. Yeah, I love it. I'll get you on there. Emma, you come too. We're booked. Yeah, Emma should come. Emma's something of a gossip girl herself. No way. Emma's always out here talking about Spotted. I wish I didn't spot that. Mike Mitchell's cat is going to throw up next to Gossip Girl. Hey there, listeners. Man, that's about as good as our Gossip Gets. What the fucking gossip about the fucking DOBOYS? Just, Carl's been on tour with us. It's a fucking... Yes. Yeah, nothing happens.

Nick goes to bed by about 9 p.m. Nick puts on his sunglasses and goes to sleep. It's true. I got insomnia. I got to deal with it. Can I say it? Can I say that Carl might be joining us for Boston, some Boston shows? That's right. We're going to Boston and have the dates in front of me. Can I say that? Yes. I mean, you can, sure. Why not? All right. Breaking chews. Breaking chews will be in Boston. I look at the date, May 7th, for two shows, and Carl will be joining us. Yes. And maybe some other surprises. That's right. I'm coming to Boston. So look for that. I will be in a bulletproof vest. You fucking assholes out there want to try me. I'm bringing a little gift of my own, too.

Lamar, have you ever... Oh my God. Lamar, have you ever been to Boston? No, I've never been there. I want to check it out. We're going to have to get you to guess. We're going to have to go back and get you to guess on, too. Carl hates, Carl hates, Carl hates Boston. I think you're going to have a good time. I think it's good. You got to show me a good time. I want the listeners to show me a good time, too. It's going to be good. Wow. I won't be going anywhere without my security, but I will be there. Very walkable city. Great rail system. Very walkable. If Manfred gets his shit together, we can go watch the Red Sox.

We're going to get... The plan is to go to Fenway, if it all works out. Oh, I forgot there's a laborer stoppage. There's a lockout. Wow. I hope the players get what they want. I hope it starts so we can hit up Fenway. But Weigz, you said for this upcoming tour, you're going to have fun. I will have fun. That's my attitude coming in. I'm not great with traveling. I get very anxious and I get cranky, but I'm going to come with an attitude of like, this is a privilege that we get to do this, and we get to go do the show in front of our fans and meet our fans, and we get to spend time with friends like Carl, and your Kickstarter

sucks in Nashville April 20th. So I'm just like, this will be fun. That's my attitude. This will be fun. Let's use our celebrity status. I like it. I'm on TV now. I won't have to take pictures. Remember when we were in Philadelphia, everybody was like, Hey, man, can you take this picture of us? They made you take the picture. They made me take the picture. Oh, that's funny. It's going to be absurd and hindsight, but they'll be talking about like, Yeah, hey, Carl took this picture. Carl Tartt. Oh, wow. These two fat guys. I think a lot of people just didn't realize it with me. They would see y'all and be so excited to see y'all and then they would go and their security guard. Hey, can you take this picture of us?

The drunkest crowd we've ever performed in front of, fair to be fair. Detroit was really drunk. Wait, Philly? Yeah, no, Detroit was drunk, too. Detroit was drunk, too. Carl was at both of those shows. Yeah. Okay. Sorry about that. Saw snow for the first time. Yeah, we need Detroit, yeah. Look, that's on us too. We should have had someone take, we should have had someone there to take pictures so that people weren't asking to take pictures. I don't give a shit. But you know what? This time, Nick and I are going to get asked to take the photos of you and the guests. That's going to be, well, actually, let's just not do it this time.

Let's just leave and go have fun. Yeah, we just won't do it. Yeah, all right, good. The rules of Bunch Madness 2022. Rule number one, sandwiches only. Side stay on the sidelines. Drinks are in the stink. Chips get the slip. Cookies are okay. Soup is off. Rule number two, we are in a pickle. Pickles are eligible. Rule number three, if it's national, it's rational. Hey, if you guys have anything to do, go do your thing. This takes like five more minutes to get through, by the way. Because of some a little laundry you want to do or something, feel free. Chains must have locations across the U.S., including the greater L.A. area,

which means, wah-wah, nah-nah. Public's more like privates. Sheets, you're going in the wash, you're too crusty. D'Angelo, D'Devil, no. Cousin's subs, you're out of the family. This also excludes L.A. chains that aren't national, like Togo's, which is a no-go. Rule number four, I like Ike, and that's a problem. Due to personal conflicts, Ike's love in sandwiches is recused from the competition. Rule number five, some heroes are self-made. Sandwich customization is encouraged. Number six, we run hot and cold. You get one hot sandwich and one cold sandwich from each eatery. And rule number seven, you can request extra napkins, as well as some Susser rolls,

which we don't need to get into. So, firehouse, jersey mics. How many deaths does Doe Boyz cause per year for people at the wheel who fall asleep listening to the pod? Probably a good number. I'm also curious, because a lot of people listen to us while they work out, which I'm always curious about. There must be some motivational factor of like, I don't want to turn into this. Listening to these fat fucks talk about chain restaurants motivates me to stay on the treadmill a little longer. A firehouse, subs, jersey mics. Mitch, I will also say one of these is in my regular rotation, and the other one would be in my regular rotation if it was as close to me as this one is,

because these are both great chains. And in fact, I used to live closer to the other one. The situation used to be reversed, and I would say probably my frequency of going to that chain was up versus the one I'm talking about. I'm being very circuitous, but the chains are firehouse subs and jersey mics. I was trying to get us to add capriates. I was trying to get us to add a couple chains. You don't want it. You said that we're fine. You think the tournament's fine. I think if we add capriates, it's ungepochka. I don't think enough people know what capriates is, but if there's a popular outcry, and again, this is why we have a commissioner, Susser can squash this dispute. He sucks at his job. He's awful at what he does.

Susser. Is he here? Where are you? He's at Disneyland. He's at Disneyland today. He's at Disneyland. Why don't y'all like, what's wrong with Ike's? What happened to Ike's? We're not doing that. Yeah, I didn't do Ike's. Ike's a lot. Ike's is only on the west coast, but a big part of this is that we know Ike Shahada. So the founder of Ike's, he's been on the podcast a couple of times, and it feels like a personal conflict. Couldn't he just be included in the thing if it's not national? People like more rules. People want the rules. People do like that shit. Firehouse, Jersey, Mike's, Karl Lamar, any, I mean, I don't want to tip what's going to win or what won't win, but I'm curious, did you have any biases going in or both of these on kind of an

even plan? Ooh, all right. Go, go. Even playing field in that I love them both. So I wish Susser was here because he'd tell you that every time my name got called on the lunch wheel at Brooklyn, I would pick Firehouse subs, and everybody else hated it because writers for some reason love to eat dirt for lunch. Can we go to sweet dirt? I don't want to be sitting here all like, first of all, at Brooklyn, we would eat like very early. I'm not, I don't think this is a disc towards Dan, but he would have us like, we start at 10, and then like at 11, 15, we're like, all right, let's get lunch. What are we getting for lunch? Like, that's all right. I'm like, we got to be here until six, seven o'clock. Why are

we eating at noon? Yeah, I'm like, come on, man, I just, I just had my morning oatmeal. Like, let's, let's, let's hang out a little bit. Like before we get lunch, we would get lunch so early, and they'd be like, I don't want that to be, I was like, I need the fuel. I can't be sitting here. When we eat lunch at 1145, 12 o'clock, all I had was a, was a tindergreens or a sweet green, and now I got to stay here until seven o'clock, just like off that salad. Come on, man. That's going to cause me to snack all day. That's like that. Cause that's that. Now I'm going in the kitchen eating chips and candy and cakes and pies. Yeah. Which they just do have in a lot of writers. There are just like cakes and pies. Just food, cakes and pies in glass, in glass,

perfect cakes. Hey, anybody who eats this cheesecake, I'm about to eat it. I have the same problem Wiger has with, I like both chains. I was assigned about both chains, but one of them is just way more close to me than the other. So I just don't go to the other one. But yeah, so if they were closer, it'd be hard. It'd be interesting to see which one I would actually go to more. I'm blessed to have both of them in walking distance to me. Wow. Incredible. Walking distance. Walking distance. What a blessing. That's wild. I, I, one is close and the other one is not close. And I, and I just go to, I, the same thing that, that, and I think it's the same. Yeah. Cause I'd be seeing your ass over there every time I go.

I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, be that go again running the block. I do have a walking gang. It's me, Susser and Jack Allison. So it is like a, there's like a three fat guy walk. We have a three fat guy crew. It's like the fat boys, basically the fat boys back in the day. And we, uh, we, we've, we've eaten at the hip hop group, the fat boys we've, we've eaten at, and I'll tell you the place it is. It's Jersey Mike's Wags. That's the one that's closer to me. And I feel like that's the one that's close to you in the Mar, though maybe I'm wrong. No, that's the way. Okay. Yep. That's the one I'd be seeing you at. Well, let's start there. So last year, you know, the, the, the year of alert 2021,

no meat, chili, I didn't have any, any meat or fish for the entire year. And one of the things that sustained me was the veggie sandwich from Jersey Mike's. Now I know no one here likes the veggie sandwich, but Jersey Mike's does a really good version of it. Uh, it's got, you know, it, it's, it's got provolone and Swiss, two kinds of cheese and it's got a, you can add avocado, which I always do. It's got the bell peppers on there. I, I, so I went ahead and got the, the veggie. I got it on wheat. I got myself a mini. I added some jalapenos because I'm some of a heat seeker. And, uh, and I also added some, some mayo and got it Mike's way, of course. It's, it's a great veggie sandwich. It's so good. It's, it's, if you don't eat meat and you want

a big sloppy sandwich, this 100% scratches that itch, but also sometimes you want to like a lighter tasting sandwich. Yes, maybe it is just salad between two big croutons, but I think it's a pretty refreshing lunch. If you're, if you want something that's not quite as heavy, that's not going to put you in, in a post-lunch coma. I liked it. Are you still not eating meat? No, I'm, I've re, I've re-added, uh, I've re-added poultry and fish, but I still have not had red meat. Did you find that it was, did you feel different or better? I gained weight. I got fatter. Without it really? Because I was, without it, yeah, because I was eating more, it's just, it's just tough to get the variety of protein sources and a lot of the protein sources you have,

have carbohydrates. So like it's, it's really hard to, you know, when you're, when you're not having anything, I think eating minimal meat, which is what I do now, but having, you know, the occasional salmon or chicken or something is, is kind of like a good balance for myself. I feel like I'm not doing a lot of, you know, I don't feel the guilt both ecologically and, you know, morally from eating a bunch of animals and also I just, but I'm also able to balance my own nutrition, but that's what works for me. Whatever works for whoever is, is fine with me. I'm not, hey, Emma, if you ever need room tone, just wait for why I could describe one of his veggie sandwiches and just wait for the closing moments after that.

Noted. Both times. I know you guys don't like veggie sandwiches, but here's a detailed description of my boring veggie sandwich I got. Fucking sounds awful. That happened to me, I had with the alcohol, I was trying not to eat out, drink hard liquor. So I switched over the wine. I got real in the wine, as you can tell from the show, Grant Crew and all that stuff. And I just had a doctor appointment today and they said, she asked me, am I drinking a lot of wine? And I was like, yeah, she's like, your sugar levels

are way too high. And basically wine is bad free. So I was like, oh man, but I was doing that to try to be like healthier. So I'm like, yeah, I don't know what to do now. Sugar makes sense. In my head, I was like, are your tanning levels too high? Like I was like, what did the wine, I didn't know what the wine would do to you. Your Biff tannin levels are too high. Yeah, you too with tannin. She just smelled, she just licked my neck and was like, I'm getting hints of tannins. Biff tannin. Give me a life preserver. Dorothy's gonna drown. McFly, McFly. I'm gonna do a little experiment here. This is a doctor. I'm gonna call you a chicken

real quickly. I want to see how you react to that. Fucking flip out. Nobody. Nobody calls me chicken. Biff's big thing is he hated being called a chicken. A guy who was Marty's big thing. That was Marty's big thing. Oh fuck. No wonder why that joke didn't work. It was Marty's thing. You gotta go back in time and fix this joke. It was weird because even for Marty, I feel like the writer just made up that problem for him

because he didn't have that problem in the first one. Yes, I understand that. He's like, you never had this problem. If there was a kid in your school who hated being called chicken, not even the bully was gonna call him chicken. You know what I mean? People will call him chicken. It's like a normal, like Biff isn't even being too mean, call him a chicken. If that's your one little, if that's your Achilles heel, then I say go for it. Wise, I need to find a creepy old man to help me go back in time. I think I know the perfect guy for the job. Okay. I know where this is going.

Me? You're gonna come to my place? Yeah, that's right. Okay. Two years older than you. Anyway, what did you guys do? We had two sandwiches from Jersey Mike's. I got the veggie for my cold sandwich. I got the portobello chicken cheese steak for my hot sandwich, which I'll talk about in a second. But what did you guys do sandwich wise from J.M.'s? From J.M.'s, for my hot sandwich, I got the Philly cheesesteak. And then for my cold sandwich, I got the number 13, Italian, Italiano. And I got it Mike's way, of course. I could order

my sandwich. I only got that because that's what Lamar wanted. And I brought him his sandwich to the pub recording earlier. And so that's what I had the same thing. Yeah. I usually get turkey and provolone. That's my jam. Mike's way, no oregano, banana peppers, extra mayo, regular mustard. Oh, you don't like oregano? I love oregano. I don't like the oregano. And I also say light juice. Because they drown your bread with the juice. I love the juice. That's my favorite. It's great tasting, but I don't want no soggy bread. Sure. I don't want no soggy bread. Get that bread, soggy out my bedroom. That was my doctor. I went to my doctor and she's like,

you've been having a lot of Mike's juice? And I was like, yeah. Your red wine vinegar levels are very high. Let me lick your neck. Hey guys, get in here. Get a taste of this guy. Yeah. So Carl basically brought me my sandwich. So I had exactly what he had from Jersey Mike's. Wow. Philly cheese, Italian, but that is what I get every time. I always get the Italian. So the number 13, Mike's way. I always do two pickles, two banana peppers, not no more, no less, and spicy mustard. Because that's the problem. Mike's way, it's tight, but then I want spicy mustard. So I have to ask them to put spicy mustard on it. So it's always a, I can't forget

that every time. I remember we were talking about the spicy chicken sandwich from Wendy's. You mentioned that your constitution was having trouble with the spicy foods, but the spicy mustard you can handle. Yeah. Spicy mustard is cool. Yeah. But also, just to update you, I've been, my stomach has been pretty getting strong lately. I think it's from taking probiotics and shit, but that feels like a little more tougher. But I sit on fuck with that Wendy's one because that shit is just crazy. I don't know what they do to it, but it's like, it doesn't. It still makes my stomach hurt so bad. I was just thinking about Bif 10 and a little bit more. Sorry.

And I realized that he hates manure because Marty, Marty hates manure. Yes. But it's so funny that a guy who hates manure, like got manure in his mouth multiple times or at least is generated like manure. I say, I say manure, manure, manure, manure. That's what I say, manure, manure, manure, manure, manure, manure. Well, do you think he hates manure before? Well, that was the interesting time last question because did he hate it because of what happened to him in the past? Oh, like the generations like his grandfather. Yeah. Yeah. Like his grandfather told the story of how we got manure in his mouth and how he hates manure. I mean, that's very, that's interesting. It's passed down from the family.

It could be. But then imagine that like every generation of the Tannins gets like horseshit in their mouth. Yeah. It feels like a issue you could probably like should be able to. It should be an avoid that, I think. I feel like you should be able to avoid it. It's also like you can feel neutral about manure and still not want that. Like no one would want manure in their mouth. It's not like, oh, I really hate this. Yeah, fucking everyone does. It's horseshit. That's a great point. Walks out of jackass too. I'm curious about how your guys' cheese steaks were because my Portobello chicken cheese steak was fantastic. I thought it was really tasty. I do double cheese on their cheese

steaks. And I never regret it. Really? Yeah, it's a wee gooey. And boy, the Portobello mushroom, I'm usually like mushroom on a hot sandwich or on a burger. It doesn't work for me, but it really, really, I think because I didn't have too much of it. It was just like just the right amount of Portobello mushrooms that really sat in there nicely. I thought this was a delightful sandwich. How's your guys' cheese steak? That's also the name of your plate too, right? Mushroom on a hot sandwich? Yeah. That'll be going up at the Elysian, so check that out. My tickets at go.com live. Is it at Elysian? You live in Los Angeles. It's Elysian. At the Elysian, yeah. Well, mine's going up at the Elysian. It's a different venue. Oh, all right. That makes sense. It's in Manhattan

Beach. It's one of those theaters Fred Willard visited. Rest in peace, Ken. Rest in peace, it's Fred Willard and me. I really enjoyed the sandwich. I like a Philly cheese steak. It does not rival, I know we're not talking about local places, but it doesn't rival like booze or the one in Burbank, that Philly cheese steak place, but it's very good. I add this right here to it. I throw this on there. Nice crystal hot sauce. Crystal hot sauce on that Philly cheese steak, and it's pretty solid. You can't go wrong with that. The cheese is good. Nice amount of cheese, little mayo, some peppers in there. I like it spicy. I like it spicy. Yeah, I enjoyed mine. That crystal hot sauce is so good. You could pour some of that on a pile of manure and the

tannins. Hey, it's not so bad. It turns out I do. We've got to go back in time and invent hot store and bring crystals. Yeah, I like the Philly cheese steak. Like Carl said, I don't use to get Philly cheese steaks at some places that sell subs. I like to get them at the cheese steak spots. It was okay. It was like, I didn't really have, I don't know, did you get Carl, did you put peppers on this? Yeah, I told them to put peppers in there. Yeah. We split the sandwich and I told them to put all the peppers on the back inside. That's what I was thinking. That's why, because mine is really just meat and cheese, but it tasted good. It was missing a lot of elements that I like in a Philly cheese steak

sandwich, but it didn't taste nasty. For my cold sub, I got a small, which the mini, I guess the mini subs, which wise you say you could do for a meal. I couldn't do a mini for a meal. I need at least a regular size for a meal. I think we're getting a combo with mini chips and a drink. That's like a decent size lunch. Yeah, the regular is more filling, but I could make do with a mini. If I'm in the Brooklyn Nine-Nine room, I'm eating this at 11.45 AM. I got the mini. I don't know if I'm going to last the whole rest of the day. Carl, you would have loved that Survivors Memorial room. Michael Malley, the showrunner, all he eats is sandwiches. It was four days in a row, all sandwiches. Then everyone, he was like, let's get

Bay City's or whatever. Everyone looked bummed out and he looked so sad. You guys don't like sandwiches? I don't want to eat a sandwich every damn day. I don't want to eat a sandwich every day. I just don't want to eat salad every day. Yeah, it's a drag. Every day salad is a bummer. It's hard to eat too. It's like an event. It's bad for morale. Also, they would make a work through lunch a lot of the time. I would make them order all types of shit. I make them order soul food so everybody's sleep by three o'clock. Sneak right on out of the room. Let's get some Roscoe's in here at 11.30. I mean, let's get McDonald's one time. Oh man, that's... See, I mean, that is fun. Why the hell not? I think it would be so mad. Yeah, you get used to the same things. I mean, writers are very

picky and that job is a huge pain in the ass. But is the Michael Malley who likes sandwiches the same, the Michael Malley from Guts, the same one? Yeah, that's the same guy. Yeah. I know he's a writer. That's cool. It's very cool. It was like crazy to work for him because I grew up watching Guts. I was wild. Yeah. But he don't bring it up. We don't talk about it much. It's kind of because he's done so much since then. And it's like, he's like, why are you bringing that up? Talk about my stint on Glee. Have you seen me on Glee as Kurt's dad? Learn to accept my son even though he's a homosexual? And then he over here talking about Guts. Glee feels like from a lifetime ago. With my cold sub, speaking of aggro crag, I got a Cancro special, Wigs.

Wait, what? I got a Cancro special. No, that part I got. It's a similar funny sounding name to aggro crag. The Cancro special. What is Cancro? What's Cancro? I don't know what the Cancro special is. It's a sore you get in your mouth. Jersey Mike was a real guy. And then Peter Cancro was an ambitious high school student who worked at the company and ended up buying the company, now owns the company. And so he has a sandwich on the menu named after him. Oh, wow. I just clicked on the menu here. So here's what's in the sandwich, provolone, roast beef, and pepperoni. In the summer of 74, the Pepsi delivery man requested a curious combination of provolone, roast beef, and pepperoni.

Peter Cancro's brother, John, liked the sandwich so much he gave it the family name and a menu spot on its own. It's funny to admit that they stole the sandwich idea from the Pepsi delivery man who never got any credit for it. Never saw it die. Oh, my God. I think that same thing happened to the Hot Cheetos empire. That's right. Yeah, I think they're making a movie about that. There's a whole thing, the flame and hot thing. My garden. They say that it's also not the case or something. There's like a lot of... It's a weird, there's been a back and forth where there was an LA Times piece that said basically the guy who for the longest time was the purported inventor. He was a janitor who worked at the Frito-Lay factory and then gave a presentation

to the company. He took a sample of Cheetos without the powder on his own and then added a bunch of tahin and other spices to it and just gave a presentation to the company like, hey, here's an idea I had and they're like, well, fuck, this is huge. Let's test it out and let's sell it. But then there was a story that was like, no, that's not actually what happened. It was actually conventionally developed by their in-house product team and this guy, it's like stolen Valor. But then they went back, Frito-Lay went back and said, no, actually, this guy did do it. And there's a movie in the works about the guy. So who fucking knows? How's this wax?

Yeah. The aggro crag, I actually, I work with the aggro crab. Like the aggressive crab, I'm talking about you. You're saying that I'm crabby. That's why I'm the aggro. Yeah. Like aggro and a crab. Yeah. I think you're crabbier than me. That's not true. I think I'm more happy go lucky. No, you're crabby. You're not happy go lucky. That is an insane thing to think in your head that you're a happy go lucky

person. I'm a, I'm a, okay. I'm the worst thing to do with us. You were not a happy go lucky man. I'm neutral. I'm normal. To be fair, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna hold him. I'm not gonna hold him because he was literally not sleeping. So that's true. He, we, and we were dragging him around. This is the nicest way Carl saying that you're, you were crabby as fuck the entire trip. You know what? He wasn't even at me. He just didn't want to like be bothered. I don't know how I said that man. He wasn't mean at all, but he just didn't want to be, he just didn't want to be eating chili and walking through DC while me and you are like,

yeah. Just grunting. We're excited. I was some nambulant. I was, I was awake for like 36 hours straight. I couldn't sleep in the Airbnb and then yeah, I could, I could barely walk. All right. Well, anyway, we had a long walk. We had a long walk back to that Airbnb too. You have chili. Me and Mitch just shoulder checking why I go the whole time. You tired motherfucker? You tired? Yeah. You got an insomnia? You have trouble sleeping? I do. Yeah. I've gotten better about it, but that's, that's partly why I wear the sunglasses before bed, which was mentioned earlier, but it's light therapy. But yeah, that's the thing

I've been dealing with. Do you still, do you still do the wind down with the sunglasses? Yeah, I do every night. Damn. That's wild. It works for me. No, that's good. It's a good thing. The crank, the cancro special, I gotta say this, it works. It's a good sandwich. I don't know if you guys have ever had this cancro special. Nick, I know that it has, it has red meat so you don't get it anymore, but that provolone roast beef and pepperoni, it works really well. And Nick, there's a thing that people pointed out that Jersey Mike's does, which our other restaurant does not do, which is they cut their deli meat fresh. You go in there and they cut your meat fresh. And you know what,

you can tell, you can tell that the, the, the roast beef and that cancro special was just, was really good. I only, I had it, Mike's way and I added pickles to it, dill pickles. I didn't do any hot stuff because my stomach was hurting, but I also ordered flaming hot cool ranch Doritos, which they, they ran out of them, I guess, because they only gave me cool ranch, but I really want to try those flaming hot cool ranch. Me too. It's so good. You guys got to, they're so good. Damn. They're really? I want to.

They are so good. I want to try them. Yeah, they look so good, but yeah, they didn't have the cool ranch and I was just like, I'm not ready for that yet, but I'm going to check that out. Man. Yeah, I got to check, I got to check it out too. My hot sandwich, I went with, why is I also did a chicken filly cheese steak. I did the Chipotle chicken cheese steak, not the, not a filly.

I didn't put anything on there. I think this is a really good sandwich. My, I think my, my one thought and I, and I don't know if this is a Jersey Mike specific or if this is just a hot subs thing is that it's just like a lot of hot. It's like a kind of a mushy hot mess. You know what I mean? Like their bread is really soft. So like you're not getting a lot of texture with that, with that chicken cheese steak. It's just, it's a very mushy sub. I like it. I think the tastes are great. It's just very mushy. And so, you know, what are you going to do? I don't want to add anything to it to crisp it up.

I think it may be just a combination of like that hot kind of gooey chicken and cheese and then soft bread, make it kind of like a mushy deal, but I like it. I was good. It was tasty. Yeah. I got that last week and that was, that was, I thought that was a delightful sandwich. I might have preferred this one slightly. I'm curious, did you guys share your thoughts about the Italian sandwich you shared? No, I didn't. Go ahead. Go ahead, Lamar. I love the Italian. So that's what I get at Jersey Mike's every time, every day, all day. And I think, I think Mike, you hit it right on the head. I think it's because that sliced meat. It's like, I was just looking at it right now and like this fucking ham still has the little

black stuff on it. Like you could tell it just got sliced off the fucking thing. Oh yeah. That's hoove. That's hoove. Yeah, I like that hoove. Yeah. Put some extra hoove on that shit and I'll eat the hell out of it. Yeah, it was great. It was a mini, I fuck with it. I fuck with that. Yeah. Lamar, it's when me and Gabriels and Weigar were talking on a text thread, and this is probably two years ago, maybe wise, maybe a little less. It was early quarantine. So yeah, like it was early quarantine. We were talking about best Italian sandwiches. And I said to those two guys, I said, I'll tell you,

that Jersey Mike's Italian might be like your best go-to bed. And for a chain spot too, I'm like, that's in Los Angeles, I'm like, when I think of some of the best, there's a couple of course, you know, like Bay cities or whatever and all about the bread and stuff like that. But Jersey Mike's just for something that's nationwide. Yeah. It's hard to beat. Yeah, no matter where you go. Yeah. Yeah. I don't normally get the Italian sandwich. I usually just keep it turkey and provolone, for the most part. Wow. Yeah. But this one was good. It don't, like I may start getting the Italian sandwich because it's pretty tasty. Like, and I always add, I add mayo and banana peppers to mine. This is very funny because we were talking about Italian

subs and I'm a no-mayo guy. And Nick, I think you're the same, right? On an Italian sub, I'll usually go no-mayo, but I'll add mustard. You know, mayo for me is a lubricant. I can't scarf no dry ass sandwich down. And I know that some people say, well, the meat is juicy. And it's like, no, it ain't the same. I need the mayo so I could eat it like a cartoon and go, wow. Carl, you need that Mike's juice. That's what the Mike's juice is all about. But the mayo don't make the bread soggy. Juice makes the bread soggy. And I don't want no soggy ass bread. That's real, though, because I don't fuck with mayo generally, but I have to put it on the sandwich, though. I just need that in there. I'm no mayo on the Italian sub, but I'll

add banana peppers, pickles, and they have like a, what is the red, the red chili, the red chili spread? Chili spread, yeah. You put that on there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. Like tapenatti type stuff? Yeah, yeah. That's, that's, I add all that to the Italian sub. And it's a little spicy. It's great. Like, I mean, oh, damn. We got right here some Flamin' Hot Lays. Wow, I'm in hot Lays. Straight up Flamin' Hot Lays. Yeah, I usually will put, I didn't, these are clearly still closed. I didn't put them on this sandwich, but I like to, I still got, I only took one bite of that sandwich before we did this show. I still have to eat the whole sandwich, but that's all I need, because I know what I'm getting with JM. I know what Mike is

talking about, okay? Right. Mike from New Jersey. And I usually do salt and vinegar and put those, the kettle, the salt and vinegar kettles, and I throw those on the sandwich. But today I was, I'm going Flamin' Hot. That's good. Yeah. Have you guys messed around with those, those Jason Tatum Flamin' Hot BBQ ruffles? Because those are outstanding. You like those? I don't want to mix, I really like them. I don't want to mix BBQ and Flamin' Hot. Man, I thought they were, I thought they were great. And I, was it your hate for the Celtics coming through again? Is that what it is? No, I don't, I don't mind, I don't mind Jason Tatum. I like Jason Tatum. All right. I don't like Mark and Smartsteel, but I don't mind Jason Tatum. I don't, that's not that,

it's just, that's a, that's a bad mixture for me. BBQ and Hot. I'll do Flamin' Hot, Flamin' Hot sour cream and cheddar. How about voodoo chips? Do you like voodoo chips? That's kind of a mix. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, is that's BBQ and salt? Lebron chip, no. Yeah, Lebron has some ruffles, the Flamin' Hot cheddar and sour cream. I haven't had those yet. Maybe that, yeah, I'll go and try those. I haven't had those yet. Let me ask you this. Lebron's got those old ass chips. They're stale when you open the bag. Oh, Daryl. Hey, but sometimes they drop 56. 56 crunches. When you least expect it. Hey, Nick, with the, with the, with the Jason Tatum one, does it taste like a Cajun style? Is the BBQ and Flamin' Hot kind of give you a Cajun

mix like, like a voodoo chip, like Zaps voodoo? It's akin to that. It's not as good as the Zaps voodoo, but it's, but it's kind of, it kind of resembles that. Yeah, resembles that. Yeah. All right, I'll try it because I do like, you should give them a try. They're pretty good. Yeah. It's worth, it's worth a shot. I mean, I love them. I'll get them at every opportunity. Let's pivot to firehouse subs because chips get the slip. We're talking subs and the, and here's what I got. I got this, I got a turkey bacon ranch, no bacon, extra cheese, double meat, and I got banana peppers and chopped pickle on there. I do really like their chopped pickle. I like that as an option. It's kind of like this, you know, it's their pickle just sort of chopped

up like a sort of dill relish and, and I'll often add that. This was great. This was, this was just, and I got this one on white. This was just like a really solid sandwich. I did the double meat and extra cheese to compensate for the absence of bacon. And I think it worked out great, really filling, really just, just, I really like the ranch they have on there, just a, just a really solid, you know, not, not too much going on, very down the middle, but got the job done. And I got another veggie sandwich. So jeez, this one. And I got this one as my cold sandwich. So I got it out with cold, the option is cold meat and cheese although there's no meat and note and not toasted bread. And that was the right choice here because sometimes

they're again, their veggie can seem a little putrid because it's all like hot and soggy. But this was a better version of it. That said, even adding avocado, this pales in comparison to the Jersey Max veggie. It's just a better one. And there we go. There's some perfect silence. You know, like when people like going to, like people go into like caves and it drives them nuts because it's so silent. That's how silent it gets after your veggie descriptions. Wagga, I cannot imagine a, if you had to say, I got the veggie sandwich hot. So you got hot That's how it goes by default. It goes by default. And it's, it's, I, I got always like it. Yeah,

it's usually interesting. It's just called their veggie sandwich. Knowing your history, kind of an interesting hot salad thing. I don't like hot salads. That's what I remember. Yeah. All right. So I got an interesting issue with the firehouse thing that happened. So I didn't, I only have a, I only got the hot stuff from there because, so I don't know if you ever experience it. So like we said, I don't know where I couldn't find a firehouse near my house. So I go to the one on Western. I said there was one on Western. So I go all the way down there, but I'm running late to the art podcast. And then I get there and it's like this weird like locker, like it's like a locker set up where people order food and just pick it up. Like, and it was like a bunch of different

restaurants in there. Have you all heard of this? Yeah, it goes kitchen. Yes. I've encountered one of these, not for a chain this big, but I've, I've encountered it for a local sandwich shop. Yeah. So I was like, but I hadn't put the order in. So I left and then I just forgot to add, so I just got, I got another Philly cheesesteak from firehouse stuff with bell peppers and shit. Those are, those are really dystopian because I've encountered a, I encountered one of those when I went to pick up my order from a place that I didn't realize had a, didn't have a physical location. And yeah, it was, it was like going, it was like showing up to a police evidence room. It was just like, it was like the door was locked and it was like, what is going on?

It was so strange, very, very, very upsetting. The idea of like lockers with subs in them around the, like around the city, that's like a dream come true. I mean, it's not in theory, it sounds great, but then in practice, it's a, it's a true nightmare. I mean, I can't believe you drove all the way, you drove over there and then it was a fucking, I was, it was very upsetting, but also I was just like, they should tell you at least cause I'm like, where the fuck is firehouse subs? Like, where is it? Is there a close one to us? Where did, yours is in North Hollywood. I saw that one. Yeah. Or where's, where did one y'all went to at? Is there one over here? And I did, I did, I did North Hollywood. Yeah. Also you probably went to mine. Yeah.

I was wondering why my order was taken so long. It was a Mack truck pulled up. The Doe Boys backup. No, I, I got a, I got a ghost kitchen story. It's, it's about a sandwich, but I'm not going to take up too much of your time, but I got to tell you this. So I ended up, I was looking for some like New Orleans style food on the old Postmates. And one popped up and I ordered for myself, wait a minute, I ain't never heard of this place. And it didn't have ratings. And then I Googled the address and it was like a dispensary and like a warehouse district type thing. And I was like, oh, it must be a ghost kitchen. I don't really like that. I don't really like that. But then I started Googling like a ghost kitchen

safe. And it was like, well, they have to follow the same protocol that restaurants do and stuff. So I was like, okay, I get my sandwich. First of all, they forgot my drink and I pay for it. I get, this has been happening a lot with Postmates. I wonder if the Postmates driver is just taking my drinks. We talked about this recently with our friend, Spencer Crittenden. And it's, yeah, I think you just, I just plan on that drink not arriving. Yeah, yeah, drinks don't come. But I get this sandwich. It's a shrimp po' boy from this place. I take a bite into it and I feel something hard. I'm thinking it's a shrimp shell. Guess what the fuck it is? It's a bread tie. Oh my goodness. It's a bread tie sandwich.

And here's what I got. Here's what I got scared of. A week before that, I had opened up a mask and saw the part that tightens on your nose are bread ties. Oh, that's gross. And so I was literally like, please just be the tie from the bread, even though so many people have touched the damn thing. Please don't be a fucking mask. Like somebody shitty mask fell off their face. That's so gross. And I immediately threw it away. I almost threw up. Like I went and like brushed my teeth and drank a bunch of Listerine and bleach and I drank the bleach. I drink it all. I drink a cup full of bleach. And I just couldn't believe it. And I immediately hit a postmate because I don't never, I don't ever complain about, I was like, make sure this driver still gets their tip. It's

not their fault. But there's a bread tie in my food and I want all of my money back. Yeah. You should for that. And they sent me some peach cobbler too. And man, that was the hardest thing I ever had to throw away. I wanted that peach cobbler so bad, but I just couldn't eat nothing else from that place. It looked good. Oh, here we go. Wow. I was examined in the peach cobbler, but why I got a salad, I won't say the place. It wasn't a ghost kitchen. It wasn't a ghost kitchen. It was from a salad restaurant in Los Angeles. And there was chicken in the salad. And I bit into this thing and I was chewing it for a while. I was like, what's wrong with this chicken? And I pulled it out and it was a paper towel, like a rolled up paper towel.

It's just awful. So it's so clearly either someone to use their hands on it or had used like wiped down the counter with it. Oh my God. Yeah. Fucking awful. It was, it was bad. It was in my mouth. Postmates, man. I'm so sorry to go through that. Grilled up postmates. I respect the people who drive for them and I always tip really well, but I'm getting some bad experiences from these places. And you can't trust these ghost kitchens. They should be regulating that shit more. We don't like the ghost kitchens. I don't understand what it is. Like, because that place I went to, they had firehouse, but they also had six under restaurants. So is it just one person cooking like in the style of each of these restaurants? Like they had a hot dog place.

That's crazy. It's a really shared space. The way they got like, okay, these ingredients overlap. So we can make these, this many restaurants worth of stuff. And yeah, it's got to suck for the people in the kitchen because they've got so much, so many different dishes they got to be responsible for. It's got to suck with the delivery drivers. It's grim. Carl, next time your postmate guy pulls up, you should have like a, like a pitcher of lemonade or water and be like, hey, you want to drink? And if he denies it, you know that he stole your, you know, that's great. You're not thirsty all of a sudden. Why aren't you thirsty? You should be thirsty. Oh, I'm okay. Thank you, sir. No, no,

no, it's fine. I'm not selling this. Drink. Stop. He speeds up. I wonder if you ordered two drinks. I wonder if that was like a like, okay, I'm going to get two drinks and then see if one shows up. One shows up. Yeah. That's just more. Or if that would make them be like, hmm, if I deliver just one drink, they'll know one is missing. So I better not deliver any drinks. It could backfire. They getting away with the drink stuff because, you know, if you leave, if you say, oh, just deliver it by the door and they go, dude, no, non-contact delivery is safer. I'm like, no, I want to contact this dude. I want some fucking contact. Yeah. Yeah, get in here. Come in my house. Come out.

Why don't you come out and sit on this couch right there? I'm going to turn all the, well, I'm going to turn this one lamp on your head and we're going to talk. Yeah. They be stealing shit. All types of shit. That's crazy. We're in a weird world right now. You know what? My thought is usually if I ever got someone who stole, like you were saying, Carl, they're usually very not, everyone's very nice. If someone has to steal my Pepsi for God's sakes, then take the Pepsi. You need it more than I do if that's the case. But it is a thing where it's a true bummer to have a meal and expect a drink and not have it, but that's also the world we live in now. And also, Wags, like you've said, it's that sort of thing of like people expect

delivery in ghost kitchens and stuff like that now. We've done this to ourselves. It's just the way that these restaurants are set up now. Yeah, we've conditioned people to expect that delivery is going to be fast and relatively cheap. And that's just, it's just not sustainable, because the actual cost of delivery is a lot higher than what it is through these apps. That's why they got priority delivery now. My sandwiches from Firehouse? Yeah. All right, here we go. My sandwiches at Firehouse, first of all, I got a Diet Coke and I got two sandwiches. I got a medium sized, and this is my hot sandwich, and this was people online said I

should try this, the Smokehouse beef and cheddar brisket. And I got that as is, which is, I got it with white bread and a side pickle. And that comes with like barbecue sauce on it and mayo and cheese, cheddar cheese. But I think that's it. I think it's just the sauce, the mayo and the cheese. And then I also got myself a small, this was my cold subwags, and I had to refrigerate it because it was actually warm. The Spicy Cajun Chicken, small. Here's what I'll say about Firehouse. For hot subs, they have way more of a variety than Jersey Mike's does. There's just a lot more that you can get. Yes. And they have relatively a few cold subs. In fact, they only have one cold sub on the menu by default, which is their tuna.

Tuna, but you can get, you can ask for almost anything as a cold sub, which I did not. So the Smokehouse beef and cheddar has USDA choice beef brisket smoked for 16 plus hours. Damn, cheddar, mayo and sweet baby raised barbecue sauce. You a fan of sweet baby raised wigs or Carl Lamar? Hell yeah. Love sweet baby raised. Love sweet baby raised. That's what I, that's my go to. And I get the hickory brown sugar and I doctor it up myself a little bit when I'm barbecueing. I don't want to give them a recipe, but I add a few things to it. Can we hear the recipe off pot or not even on this? Yeah, of course. Yeah. Okay. All right. Or you can just say it now and we can replace what you said with Riley Reid. Riley Reid. So what

I add to my barbecue sauce is Riley Reid. I still can't make the sauce yet. That, that, that the spicy chicken has grilled Cajun seasoned chicken breast, zesty cherry peppers, melted pepper jack cheese, lettuce, onions, deli mustard in their house made Cajun mayo. I liked both of them. That I had a bite of the spicy Cajun chicken, which I'm not allowed to when it was warm. And it was, and it was really good. I thought it was a good chicken sub. I put it in the fridge. It didn't, it wasn't as good when it was cold, but it was still decent. And that people, people talked up that, that the, the brisket and cheddar barbecue sandwich or whatever the hell fuck it is. And, and uh, they weren't lying. That smokehouse beef and cheddar brisket

is a really, it's a good sandwich. This is going to be a battle wise. That was a good one. Yeah. That was a good, good, good sandwich. Uh, so both big thumbs up for me, both of my sandwiches. Carl, let me hear it about your sandwiches. So here's what I got at Firehouse Subs. I got the hook and ladder fully involved and I got it cold. I don't normally like it cold. It's good. It's good hot, but I got it cold for the hot, for the cold sandwich portion of it. And then at Firehouse Subs, oh, I'm sorry. I also got the New York steamer, which I don't know why I got that because I, okay. So wait, let me tell you what the hook and ladder is fully involved. Smoked turkey breast, Virginia, honey, ham and melted Monterey Jack fully involved.

That's mayo, deli, mustard lettuce, tomato, onion, and kosher dill pickle on the side. I enjoyed that. It's very tasty. That's a good, so that's, that's what I, that's my go-to at Firehouse when I, when I hit up at Firehouse. And this was a, this was a, uh, uh, uh, uh, you know, off the beaten path here, the New York steamer is USDA Choice Corn B brisket and pastrami, melted provolone, deli, mustard, mayo, Italian dressing. You know, it, it was okay. It was okay. I gotta, I gotta tell you something. I love that sandwich. I've had it before and it's, I've had that before. I sometimes, I sometimes add pickles to it, but I, I, I, I like that sandwich a lot. I'll put a little hot sauce on it. I use it. Some more crystals.

Uh, this episode was brought to you by crystals, hot sauce, Louisiana pure crystal hot sauce, zero calories. That's huge. I, I definitely, it was my least favorite sandwich of the group. Wow. What do y'all think of pastrami in general, pastrami sandwiches? I'm not a pastrami guy. You're not a pastrami fan. Oh no. You know, it's a big thing in LA. Pastrami is big here. There's a couple of spots that like pastrami is huge, like Johnny Pastrami and stuff like that. I grew up, you know, knowing about these places and my friends always like to get the pastrami fries, like cheese pastrami fries. Oh yeah. Yes. Did you get, you grew up eating those,

Wiger? I feel like that's the L.A. Yeah, Nelly loves those too. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, I tried it. It might have been to Mississippi in me. There, there are moments where I am not an LA native and I know it and pastrami and their people love a pastrami here is one of those moments. Chili cheese pastrami fries is, is not for me. I like it, but I get it. It's, it's specific. I've had good pastrami though. Have you ever had, have you ever had like a good new, have you had like cats' deli in New York? Have you, have you done like the big pastrami spots? No, but I had pastrami sandwiches in New York and I don't mind them. I like, it ain't like I, I'm like, wow, pastrami is just never my first choice. You know what I'm saying? Got it. Yeah.

Yeah. Fair enough. Langers out here is good. Apparently that the, the people who own langers are pieces of shit, but the, but they have, they have a really good pastrami there. Yeah. I've heard some bad things about the way they treat servers and I think they're also homophobic, but, but the, but, but Johnny's pastrami, what you mentioned, that was one of my last meals. Yes. The, the family that owns langers, it's the Tannins, right? It is the Tannins. The Tannins. Yeah. They put manure in the pastrami. I have, I love pastrami. I just can't eat, it's like donuts. Like I can eat one and then I just can't get through it. It's just like so rich. It's just so much. It's so heavy. You'll be sweating when you're halfway through the

sandwich. You're like sweating and it's, it's, it's true. Pastrami is, it's, it's not any, it's not a light lunch, but I, I'm a fan. I think that this is like a, you know, I like that sandwich, but it's also not the best version of pastrami you're going to get, but, but, but I, I like it more than you did Carl, but, but I'm kind of shocked that that was the worst sandwich of the bunch. But then again, it's Jersey Mike. So it makes sense. No, no, no, no. Firehouse subs. No, and I'm saying it's going up against Jersey Mike. So it makes sense. Yeah. What were you going to say about Johnny Pastrami, Weigar? Oh, I was just saying that was one of the last, the hot pastrami from Johnny's Pastrami was one of the last pieces of, things of meat

I think I ate. I may have gotten that on January 30th, like 2020, and it was fantastic. What were you doing on January 6th, 2020? Mitch and I were out of town. There was a live show in DC. Yeah. Taking care of some business. No, I have had Johnny Pastrami, a pastrami sandwich from Johnny Pastrami. He loaded up with mustard and it's pretty tasty. You know what I'm saying? They also used to have, LAUSD used to have pastrami sandwiches at lunch, but I would always get tricked because I would get the sandwich thinking that there would be the roast beef because LAUSD roast beef was always good. The roast beef and cheddar sandwich was always good. You put some mayonnaise on that joker and you go to town. But they ain't gonna, Pastrami, I just never,

it's something about the taste of Pastrami that I just ain't never quite, they never quite curled my hair. I get it. Some people aren't fans of Pastrami. If you're not a fan of Pastrami, hashtag it's not for Pastrami. It's not for Pastrami. It's not for Pastrami. Text, it's not for Pastrami to 30303. Service data charges may apply. $10 to the Red Cross. We're like a year away from doing that. Texto boys. Well, actually you already can kind of text us. I wonder if Twitter will even allow that hashtag. It just will deny the hashtag. Not for Pastrami. I'd be interested to know. I'd be interested to know how many of your listeners don't like Pastrami. I might be in a minority on that.

Because I know that's a big popular meat. A lot of people love it, but it's very specific. Are you a big mustard fan? I mean, for me, it's like Pastrami and mustard of the two. That's the thing. I'm not a huge mustard guy. Oh, that might be it. Yeah. Mustard. Every time. Every time. You've got Emma nodding there. Yeah. Emma, you don't like mustard either? I like like a little bit of mustard on a sandwich every now and then, but not a lot. I'm more of a Mayo person. Yeah. Give me every time I order from a sandwich place, whether it be Jersey, Firehouse, Subway, wherever I'm eating that. I don't go to Togo's. Fuck it, Togo's.

But if I order in the same way. If I see Togo's in the street, I'm blasting his ass. Fuck it, putting two hot ones in his motherfucking ass. Okay. Yeah, money. Driving by a Togo's and blasting all the windows out. I'll teach you to make every subs. I used to talk about cold subs. Togo's is fucking ice cold. Every sandwich is ice cold. I don't even think they have a microwave in the place. No type of eating, but always get extra mayo and regular mustard. So I always say, so like at Subway,

with how they do the lines, they bang the things and go lines, extra mayo, and then just one line of mustard is quack. You know what I mean? The idea of like the workers in Togo's and the people in their buying sandwiches, and they're like, holy shit, the windows are shooting. It's the grand crew guys. Fuck your cold ass sandwiches, bitch. I don't even fucking freeze my mouth out. Like my ex-girlfriend loved Togo's leads. It's big fights about that. Let's go to Togo's. I'm like, no. No go. That's a no go. No goes. You know who loved Togo's? It was Chris Van Arts down.

There was like a little monologue I wrote with Chris about Togo's at the beginning of a live show. And he did a slide show about how he loved Togo's. Do you remember this from back in the day? Oh yeah, it was an old birthday boys live sketch. Yeah, birthday boys live sketch about how much Van Arts down loved Togo's. So you got another one of Van Arts down. Togo's is like, I think it just, it's just those freaks that keep it open. It's the Van Arts down. Your ex-girlfriend Lamar, all these freaks that fucking like this place. I mentioned the podcast before that I had an incident when I was eight years old with pastrami at Togo's where I was choking. We were

dining in. I was choking and my dad had to give me the hind leg. In the restaurant, yeah. And then it was not allowed to eat pastrami until I was an adult. I wish I could go back to the future for that too. Also, Maddie Smith, is that where Maddie Smith bit into a screw? He did, yes. He had a piece of metal in the sandwich. We talked about it on the podcast. That's worse than a paper towel show. Yeah, that's worse than my bread time. He broke his tooth. He broke his tooth. That's crazy. Hey, here's a sandwich that you will like. On the veggie,

I'm looking at the Togo's menu right now. On the veggie section, there's one called the Cali Veggie, which is avocado, cucumbers, double provolone, and mayo serve Togo's style, which I believe Togo's style is out of the freezer. Did they take that from Mike's wife? I don't remember Togo's style. I don't remember that. Togo's style. Also, this is disgusting. Listen to this. They have a cheese sandwich, double provolone, and mayo serve Togo's style. That's it. Oh, Jesus. I've gotten that before.

Okay, get this. Jesus Christ. Get this bullshit. Number 14 is a hummus sandwich, which is just hummus and mayo on bread. Hummus and mayo? How could you even? That should be free. You should just give that away. They're making money off that? You should give that away to your enemies. Weigert, you're a cheese nut. Yeah, I've had that cheese sandwich. It's good.

You then, Urkel, was probably the ranking as far as cheese lovers. You're way up there. I'm with you, but I can't do a straight cheese sub. Home alone and mayo? No, God, that's fucking awful. And it's not even like a grilled cheese sandwich. It's cold. Yeah, I'd 100% have that. Jesus. A cold cheese sandwich with mayo sometimes can hit the spot. You're going to get those Muppet dreams. You're going to get some Muppet dreams.

All right, we've got to get to our ratings here and we've got to pick a winner. So, bitch, here's the thing. We have so many categories. This is going to take so long. We're already at the 90-minute mark. We've got to streamline this. So here's what I'm thinking. I'm just going to go down and I'm going to list all the categories and we'll just do them collectively instead of everyone doing their own ranking that will hopefully speed things up a little bit. Look, we can get rid of blow factor.

I mean, we had Susser come in to make a ruling on this, but we didn't use the audio. And also, he told us to keep all the categories. Which is very annoying because we told him that he had to change that and he didn't do it. All right, so do what you got to do, Wags. Tell us what's going on in here. Okay, we're going to cut blow factor. We're going to cut dunk ability. We're going to cut overall sub-slash theme. I think that one's good. All right, fine. We'll throw overall sub-slash theme back in

and then we'll cut condiment slash sauces. We'll cut messiness. Okay, though messiness is kind of fun too. I know, but that's the thing. We got to make hard cuts. All right. We can cut condiment sausage or we can cut veggies. That's where we're at. Well, I mean, we should cut veggies, but it's all... We'll cut veggies. Condiment slash sausage slash sausage slash veggies, that'll be included.

Messiness, overall sub-slash theme, and finally a yes-no question. Would you give it to Jared? We'll rate each of these out of $0 to $10 in newly legal NCAA endorsement money and we will do this as a group. First up, bread, so we got firehouse versus jersey mics. It's also good that we had to make hard cuts, but it was, of course, we had to leave in would you give it to Jared? One of the most important questions with the subs is if we would give it to Jared Fogle. We can cut it. Subway is disgraced. No, I think it's important that it stays.

All right, here we go. Bread for jersey mics and for firehouse subs. Yeah. Guys, from $0 to $10 endorsement dollars, what do you say for bread? For both of them? All right. Let's start with firehouse, or we'll start with jersey mics because that's what we did first. I like jersey mics bread. I think I do actually like it a little bit more

than I like firehouse's bread. Firehouse's bread kind of feels like it's better than Subway bread, but it feels a little mass produced, but it's nice and soft, it tastes good. It feels kind of like a faker bread. Jersey mics got that nice sub roll. I like it. And so I'm going to go eight for jersey mics and I'm going to go six and a half for firehouse. Still pretty good. I'm going to go lower on both of them. I'll say six for jersey mics, five for firehouse, but I like both of them. They're just very down the middle. I will go, so I'm going to be a little bit opposite here. Firehouse subs bread for me is

better because a little bit softer. I'm going to go seven. And I love jersey mics, but I'm going to go seven on firehouse bread and six and a half on jersey mics bread. Damn, all right. Yeah, I totally agree with Carl. That was the one thing I was so glad it's the first thing because that exactly was surprising. I was like, the firehouse bread was so much soft. I give that firehouse bread an eight and I'll get a jersey mics at six dollars. Wow. Rock on. Yeah. Next category, meat. I mean, this for me, they're both good. They both have good quality meat,

but I do think, and Natalie made this point, she was having the steak and cheese with me when we got her firehouse meal and she was just like, jersey mics just has better meat. I agree, but they're both good. Honestly, as a chain restaurant, jersey mics gets a 10. And firehouse, I'll give eight dollars and 50 cents. What do you think, Spoon Man? Hmm. A 10 for meat, huh? Yeah. I think you're right. I think jersey mics does. The way that they slice it, you get the little hoof, you get a little piece of hoof. I put that on it. You get the hoof on it.

The fresh slice, I think it deserves a 10, but I also do think that firehouse has good meat. Like, well, I was like, this chicken sub, we've ordered chicken sandwiches and stuff from some places. And I told you, like, you'll get some chicken that tastes like it's been sitting in chicken water. You know what I mean? Like just like kind of gamey chicken that's been sitting in chicken water. It's disgusting. It's been not the case with that sandwich. Every time I've gotten a firehouse sub sandwich, the meat is always good. So I gotta go eight. I can't go lower than eight. I think they got really good. I think they got the meat. I'm the same ballpark. For me, for jersey mics, meat with a little hoof on there, spring on there, like some truffle.

That's the... You know, they use truffle pig hoof for... I'm gonna have to go ahead and stand with my boys and say 10. 10. 10 dollars. 10 dollars. And I'm gonna give firehouse subs meat eight dollars and 50 cents, just like you did, while you're... Wow. I'm gonna give my jersey mics a deli. So this only thing was a deli meat at jersey mic A1 plus 10. You know, I want to give it 10. But the problem is we all had the Philly cheesesteak. And I feel like that Philly cheesesteak meat from firehouse is better than a Philly cheesesteak steak from jersey mics. So I'm gonna give... I would love to give them a 10, but jersey mic, they're gonna get the nine for me, nine dollars. And then I'll give a firehouse

eight dollars and 50 cents for that. Wow. That brings us to condiment slash sausage, slash sausage, if applicable, slash veggies. Hey, I like the veggies from both of these places. And I know I'm alone there, but I'm gonna say that I think jersey mics has... I kind of... Boy, but I do like those pickles. I do like the chopped pickle. I do like the pickles that you get from firehouse. I'm just gonna say they each get a nine here. I think they're both very solid. Wow. What do you think? What do you think, Mitch? I think putting condiments into the vegetable category probably helps firehouse a little bit because I think jersey mics got great veggies. I think you can get a lot of good like lettuce, tomato, onion, all that stuff is good at jersey

mics. And I like this... I like that mic's juice. I think they have good condiments, but I think firehouse has a lot of different condiments that jersey mics doesn't have. So for me, it's close because of that. It's kind of close. Maybe I would just go tie for both of them two wags. Maybe I'd say nine and nine. Wow. So my vegetables at firehouse were a little bit weird today. My lettuce was a little bit dried out, just a little bit. I don't know why. I don't know why because that's uncommon for them, but I will tell you this. Jersey mics edges them out because every time my lettuce is always good. Here's one thing. I will tell you one thing that I don't like about jersey mics. I don't know if they should

be doing this, but you know how much they load up the lettuce on your sandwich, which I love. I love the loaded up lettuce. I always, because Subway give you three strips of tiny lettuce. He be like, can you please put some more lettuce on my fucking sandwich? But that's exactly how I say it. I go up 10 octaves, but jersey mics don't skimp on the lettuce and they don't skimp on the tomatoes and the banana peppers, all that stuff. It always feels fresh, but here's one thing I noticed. I don't know if y'all have ever noticed this. It always makes me cringe a little bit, but I just kind of, you know, charge it to the game. When they're cleaning up their work area and they scoop, they clean up the

lettuce, they'll scoop it and they'll put it back into the, have you ever seen that? Watch and see if they do that next time, because it's like the runoff of what didn't make it onto another sandwich. But I'm like, why are you doing that? You already put juice on this. Like there's been juice, but they're just like, oh, no ingredients go, and Subway don't do that. If they waste some lettuce on the table, they just scoop it into the vat. Yeah. The lettuce vat. Yeah. The little black hole. You don't know where that goes. I'm going to say Jersey Mike's lettuce, $8.25, Firehouse Sub's $7.50.

Oh man, this was a hard one. I would say, I agree, like I don't like lettuce on a Subway sandwich and for whatever reason, I love when Jersey Mike throw that shit on this. So I got to give them love for that. They chopped up really well. It's really chopped up nice. And then they put the juice on there. Also, Carl, I was going to say, back in that, if you're behind the counter at Jersey Mike's, there's Mike juice on everything. There's, it's like going to a hotel room, turn on a black light. There's Mike's juice. It's on that tip thing. What do y'all think of the tip bell thing when they ring the bell every time? Do you feel good about it? Or is it kind of like, well, you know, I guess we're all going

to do it. Yeah. I look at everybody in the restaurant, I go, y'all heard that, didn't you? Yeah. Y'all heard how many rings I got? I need some credit. And then on the Firehouse side, you know, like I said, I don't know if they, Carl got all the vegetables and the Philly cheese steak, but I got all the, I ain't getting none in my Jersey Mike, but I got these bell peppers in my Firehouse Philly cheese steak. Them shits is fire. That's what probably elevated it over the, over the Jersey Mike Philly cheese steak. So I would say I'm going to give Jersey Mike probably a $6 on the veggies and then I'll give, not Jersey Mike, Firehouse $6 on the veggies. And then I'll give Jersey Mike's $7.50, $7.50. Yeah. Wow.

That brings us to our next category, messiness and the higher the messier. And I think I'm going to give Firehouse because mine, mine was pretty sloppy, both of mine, both my, my, my turkey bacon ranch and without bacon and my veggie were both kind of all over the place. So I'm going to say this is a nine for Firehouse and Jersey Mike's a little bit more contained, but also pretty messy. I'm going to say that was a seven. Yeah. I think Jersey Mike's is, for me, Jersey Mike's is usually actually more sloppy wise. I guess the opposite of what you were saying. No, mine usually, my Jersey Mike's is usually pretty sloppy, but this particular outing, Firehouse was pretty sloppy for me. And it was the same here for, they were both actually

okay. Neither was super messy. I just want to say I like Mayo the least out of this group. If you had to pick someone who liked the Mayo out of these, of these five pictures of people who liked the Mayo the most, I like Mayo the least. I'm straight up, I'm a Mike's way guy. I like Mike's way so much. I like that Mike's juice. I don't need any Mayo on, I don't like Mayo on subs too much. I like that Chipotle Mayo on the chicken cheese steak, but I'm not a big Mayo fan on subs. You're saying if this, if this, this tableau, if the five of us up on screen was a captcha and it was eliminate the person who doesn't like Mayo, like no one would click on you? No one would click on me. Because you look like a Mayo guy. Yeah. They think you were a bot. They

think you, and they'd be right if it was you, but they think you were a fucking bot. Every system movie undercover brother, there's been this rumor that black people don't like mayonnaise. And also I have a lot of friends who don't solely because of that movie because I'm like, come on man, we all grew up eating bologna and cheese on white bread and you got to have mayonnaise on that sandwich. Yeah. I believe undercover brother has something put in his sleeve so he can shoot hot sauce onto the Mayo. Is that correct? Yeah, something like that. Yeah. But I love Mayo that people would not click on, people would not click on, they probably would click on me in the captcha and they would not be allowed to join, to log into their bank account.

Smart brother really made me laugh in that movie. Yeah. You know what? I'm going to revisit that movie. That movie's funny. Both pretty much, I'm going to, I'm going to give this an even score of just seven for both of them. They weren't the messiest outing, but kind of the same level of, of sloppiness. So I, I usually think, why is I'm with you? I usually think Jersey Mike's is a little bit sloppier, but you're right. These were both pretty clean. Let me ask you something. When y'all are, so sloppier is higher and so sloppier is good. Messier. The messier, the messier, the higher. Okay. Okay. So I guess my, I guess firehouse subs was messier for me because my Jersey Mike's always pretty uniform. When you open up that

piece of sandwich and you look in there and you see that nice tomato sitting right there, that lettuce sitting, the meat is perfectly, come on man. You get, so I'm going to, I'm going to have to give a, I'll get firehouse subs. It wasn't, neither of them were crazy messy. The Philly cheesesteak was kind of messy, but that's cause me and Lamar to rip it apart. Real, real pre-COVID style. And it took us back to the old, to 2019. 2019. I was just sharing sandwiches. Inside the sandwiches spilling everywhere. We're going to do this forever, Carl. But yeah, I'm going to go ahead and give firehouse subs $7 and Jersey Mike's $6.50. Wow. Wow. Yeah. I'm with, I'm with Mitch

on this. They both were like the equal amount of messiness. I'll just give them $7 each. Neither of them kind of were sloppy or they were just all put together. Yeah. And you know what? I think it's good we kept this category in. I think it's a good category wise. It's great. Yes. We've streamlined the segment of the podcast down to a nice tight 15 minutes and we still got two categories left. Overall sub-slash theme. This is the most general of the categories. I think. And then also we could just combine the two things and would you give it to Jared, the last category. And would you give it to Jared? Overall sub-slash theme, I would say that, boy, I don't want to, I mean, cause it sounds like whatever my score people

are, they're just going to think that's what I'm picking to win and maybe they'll be right. But I think Jersey Mike's just really does their gimmick really, really well. Firehouse really leans heavily into it too though. Like they're just so firehouse-y there. And you know what? Here's the tipping point. I like Mike's way better than fully involved. Like both as a set of ingredients and as a thing to say. Fully involved sounds like something you'd hear from like a couple. We're fully involved now. We're not seeing other people. We're no longer seeing other people. We're fully involved. Uh, $9.50 for Jersey Mike's and $9 for Firehouse. And would I give it to Putin? No, I wouldn't, Vladimir. Wow. Not with how you're behaving on the world stage.

Wow. I love it. Would we give it to Putin is maybe a good swivel tournament. McDonald's, by the way, shutting down their restaurants in Russia and, but still paying employees. Which is, I don't know. I feel bad for people against the war in Russia or in Russia. You can't get that a big Mac. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Let people in Russia get some McDonald's if they want it. Just not Putin. There should just be a thing about Putin on the outside of it. Not you, sir. Would I give it to Jared or Putin? No, neither of them, neither of them get these subs. These subs are too good. These subs are great. And that's why their overall scores are also high. I think that Firehouse subs maybe has a better theme. It's like

more fun, like a firehouse. We're in a firehouse. We're firemen and we make these subs or whatever, and that's fun. And Jersey Mike, he could play into like, hey, I'm Jersey Mike a little bit more. He could be more of a character. I wish there was more white men walking around a restaurant. Yeah, pushing people around. Yeah, yeah, maybe really feel it, feel where I'm at. Hurry up, you fucking sandwich. Get the fuck out of here. I think that would be fun. But I still like the theme of Jersey Mike's and overall, I think they're both really, really strong subplaces as far as national chains go. And honestly, Jersey Mike's just on its own. Like I was saying, one of the better Italian subs you can get in Los Angeles, honestly.

You know, like there's good local Italian subs, of course. But you know, if you're getting one, and especially in your neighborhood, and you got a Jersey Mike's there, like you're going to have a great time. So I say, man, nine and a half for Jersey Mike's and eight and a half for Firehouse, both great. When it comes to theme, that's what we're doing right now, theme of the restaurant, right? Yeah, overall sub-slash theme. So it can compass both food and execution of their overall concept. Overall, overall slash theme, listen, this is tough for me, because I don't think you're beating Firehouse subs theme. Only thing that would help Firehouse sub theme-wise is if they had dudes

like buff, attractive dudes making the sandwiches in the back, like they were firemen, you know, and they got the suspenders on. That would be tight. Why aren't they doing that? And they shirts are wet, so you can see their abs and stuff like that. And then like, you got to walk in and go like, man, all right, brother, I see y'all. That's okay. That's all right right there. I don't mind y'all making my sandwiches. Stay away from a lady. I don't mind y'all making my sandwiches. That's really cool. But they got the kids hats. These three high school boys walked in right before me, which I'm like, why aren't y'all in school? But I guess COVID stuff, I don't know. But they walked in right before me and they each grabbed a hat and I was just like,

these kids are having fun. They're high school boys and they got the little kids hats on. Life is easy for them, even though they had to, you know, do their school year in a pandemic, like life is still easy. They ain't got to worry about bills and things. There were no hats at Jersey Mike's. And if anything, I don't like their outfits. I don't like the white polo and the, you know, but they do have the tasty cake stuff, which I'm not a big fan of. I didn't grow up eating that. So I don't really buy it. I gotta say overall, but, but here's the problem, man. I don't know how to judge this because Jersey Mike's is better than Firehouse Subs. You heard it here. Wow. But the theme wise is Firehouse theme is better than Jersey Mike's. So what I'm

going to do is I'm going to give both of these places $9. Wow. I love it. Wow. We're gonna find out and we're gonna find out in the final verdict in just a second. Lamar, do you feel the same way Carl does? No. You don't feel like me, Lamar? He's feeling. Here's how I feel. I love Jersey Mike's. I grew up in Atlanta fucking with Firehouse. That was like my shit. And I love the fire theme back then when I was a kid, like he sang when I was in high school. I used to love it. I used to love the whole vibe, the whole, like the way the menu was. But as an adult, I just don't like it. I don't know. The Firehouse theme just doesn't do it for me. Even when I looked at the menu today, I was just kind of like, this is nonsense. So I was, I just like my classic, I think what I like

about Jersey, maybe it just mean I'm getting older or just boring or whatever. But I like it's, I like Jersey Mike's consistency. It's consistent wherever you go. Mike's way always. I've been to like six or seven different Mike, Jersey Mike's all over the city. You know, it's like, they're always, it's always rocking. So I'm going to say, I'm going to get, and just sandwich wise, at some point. So I would give Jersey Mike's a $10. I'll give them all $10 for the sandwich for the, for the vibe, for the Jersey Mike of it all. Like I like that they rep at they city. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Shout out to New Jersey. You know what I mean? And your firehouse, I'd give y'all, you know, I missed the nostalgia a little bit, but

maybe I'm a little salty because I didn't actually get to go in the store. I probably would have felt better if I got to go in the restaurant, but I'll try to give them a overall just like a seven, seven dollars and 90 cents, something like that. Yeah. That's pretty good. Well, you talked about the consistency across locations of Jersey Mike's, which I think is true. And it does, I think you can have that be a demerit for firehouse that they would allow their concept to be turned into a ghost kitchen because that, that definitely, you know, lowers the standards of what they're offering. It's really upsetting to be honest. I drove all like, you know, you're looking it up like a, as has you look up restaurants, I look at it on my phone,

where firehouse near me. And this ain't no firehouse. So this is a something else. They at least tell you or like put some kind of asterisk or something. But so yeah, because if you're going to talk about themes, then they sort of disrespecting the theme by letting that happen right there. 100%. But I fuck with firemen though. So shout out to the firemen out there. Yeah, we love the firemen. Yeah. Red lives matter. Red lives matter. Hey, we support the thin red line here. Yeah. We backed the red. We'll never, we'll never tell on y'all. Carl, not only that, but your idea for firehouse hunks, Nick and I have already started a change.org petition to make it. Yes, please. So that you can get some hunky. We're the, we've had, we had to

create it even before you meant, brought that up. We've wanted this for a while. But I do think that that would be funny to have like a guy with a, like a, like a, you know, like a hunky fireman there would be, would be funny. That's what I thought it was. I've been there. Make it like the reverse Hooters. Make it hunky fireman. If it's my candy. The guy, the guy working at firehouse subs is like, oh man, you know, he's like, I'm actually a real fireman, but I'm suspended right now. I was like, wait a minute, we backed the red. We backed the, we support the thin red line. Why are you suspended? He's like, oh, I took medicine to my old hand and I tried to shoot the fire. And then I accidentally killed a black man.

The suspended leave is, is, is working at firehouse subs. Yeah. That's the only place I would hire me is like, well, we gotta hire him. Damn. Don't you get it? He had no choice but to shoot the fire. It makes sense. All the fire had to do was comply, but it was growing too big. It was out of control. It was raising. It was raising fire. Crazy. Well, it's time to pick a winner. Damn. I hope I did this right. Let us know what happened to the sandwich.

Yeah, I hope that when I went to win, when we didn't like... You guys did a great job. You've done a great job. This is, this is a, this is a, this is a, this is the tightest one. We're gonna get, we're gonna, so just so you guys know this year, we're sending, you know, we've sent the subs to the devil to make him happy and make him not be as mean to aliens. Not the subs. Previous, previous entries in the competition. Previous, previous entries in the competition. So chicken and pizza and burgers and burgers

to the aliens. So they wouldn't invade us. They have a changed heart. This year we're sending the hoagies to Rogi. We're sending the, the subs to Joe Rogan to change his mind on the Corona virus. So which sub would you send to Joe Rogan? The best represents the sub, the sub you think should move on between firehouse and Jersey Mike's. We're going to pick one to send the hoagie to Rogi. We're going to count down from three wigs. Here we go. And this is, this is tough and this was tight, but we're going to do it. This is tough and tight. Just so on the count of three, everyone say the sub,

they want to move on in the competition. Okay. Here we go. I'll three. Oh, can I do it? No. Yeah. Go for it. Okay. Here we go. Three, two, one. Jersey Mike's. It's unanimous. Jersey Mike's moving on to the chompionship where they will face the winner of the other semi soft final match and the other combatant, firehouse subs eliminated, but may live to bite again in our losers bracket, fat chance kitchen,

salad days, aren't over. We'll take a break. We're back with more dough boys. Unanimous. Unanimous. Oh, I thought y'all was going to add up all the dollars and see who had the most money at the end. No, that's, it's just, it turns out it's just a waste of time. I thought Emma was doing the math the whole time. I was like, is Emma writing all this shit down? She's got better things to do. She's filling out job, job applications. We'll be right back.

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You heard me, free croissants in every box and $30 off your first box when you go to wildgrain.com slash dough boys. That's wildgrain.com slash dough boys or you can use promo code dough boys at checkout. Do it. Welcome back to dough boys. We are here with our guest Carl Tartt Lamar Woods and hey it's time for the debut of a new segment, The Michelin Men. Wow. This is from the mind of our associate producer Amelia Marino. I will read four items from the menu of a Michelin-starred restaurant. All right. So an esteemed white tablecloth fine dining establishment and we will each decide if we would rather have the meal for free or a new set of Michelin tires for free. So do we want dinner or tires? Wait, what? I like it. So Michelin has Michelin the organization

has a restaurant guide and they also are a tire company and so we are deciding do we want a dinner from this Michelin-starred restaurant or do we want a set of tires assuming they're around the same ballpark price wise. Okay, great. You got my confusion though. It's an insane concept. Yeah, 100%. It's not any dumber than anything else we do. Amelia's fired. We're gonna fire Amelia. She just started. She's doing great. She just started. She's fired already. Here we go. Yeah, she's definitely fired but she's doing great. First up, Vesperteen. This is in Culver City, California so nearby. This is a two-star Michelin restaurant. Three stars is the max. Here are the dishes. Pear, celery leaf and branch, curry, duck, pumpkin, banana, tie aromatics, halibut,

shellfish custard, hyacinth vapor, and beef, elements of root beer. I almost said root beer, elements of root beer. You're gonna come over this summer. We're gonna have some roof beers, wags at my place. I got a little roof deck. You guys too. Carl Lamar, come on by. Hi, I'd rather get the tires. I didn't like that menu. I like that menu. I'll get me some tires. Give me some tires. When he said Pear, I was like, here's the deal. You only get one tire. That's all you get for if you, I think you only get one tire. You get one tire? Yes, but if you skip all four, you could get yourself a set of wheels. Well, there's five restaurants. Then you could get four and a spare.

Okay, great. That's fine. I think I gotta take the tire here. I'll take a tire. I mean, I'm curious. I've heard this place is an interesting experience, but that doesn't sound particularly tasty. But you're going tire? Yeah, I gotta go tire too. I'm gonna put this one front-left. That's where I'm sitting and it's worn down a little bit. Get myself a new plump tire there, even out the car a little bit. That's one tire instead of, the only one that's close is the beef one. I want to try that root beer beef. That sounds kind of fun, but not enough to get a tire.

That one sounded the word. I hate root beer. I like root beer, but I don't want it on my steak. I'm gonna put this tire on front-right because my current front-right tire is a little bit damaged because the guy that sits in front of my apartment all day and drinks a million tiny bottles of vodka when he could just get one big one. It never makes sense to me why he drinks all these little tiny ones. For what you spend on those tiny ones, you could just get one big bottle of vodka. But it's none of my business, I guess. But I've driven over this and it messed up my front tire, but it ain't flat. I'm putting that tire front-right. Perfect. We're all going tire for Vespertine. Sorry, Vespertine. Next up, the fat duck,

famous restaurant in Bray, Berkshire, England. This is three stars, the maximum rating in the Michelin guide. Snail porridge, Iberico Beiotta ham, it's gotta be Beota. It's gotta be that kind of double, I imagine. Iberico Beota ham, shaved fennel, red cabbage gazpacho, pulmary grain mustard ice cream, Mad Hatter's Tea Party, mock turtle soup, pocket watch and toast sandwich. The fuck? Jelly of quail, crayfish cream, chicken liver parfait, oak moss, and truffle toast. It had me on the front end, but that's the second half with the oak moss and the pocket watch. I think I gotta get another tire. It had you on the front. Snail porridge? Snail porridge? What are you talking about? I'll have some snail.

Yo, had me on snail porridge. You got somebody photoshopped white girl on the picture that meme with a kid playing football being like, not gonna lie, that had us in the first half. There was something that sounded good, like a sponcho. I would try that. I'm going tired. Ain't that cold soup? Mother Russia right there. No, thank you, Vlad. Is that what they call it? Maybe that's just, maybe that's just Yakov Smirnov who calls it that. Yakov Smirnov, I can't listen to him anymore. Since it's all on down, no more Yakov Smirnov. Boycotting Smirnov. Yakov Smirnov records.

Because I like eating at restaurants like this, so I don't know why they, when you read it out like that, it just sounds gross. First of all, as soon as you said England, I was going to yell out, tire. These fucking Brits. I don't want nothing from over there. All right, we got a few more. This bullshit tire, tire for sure. Tire for sure. Atelier Cren. This is in San Francisco. By the way, there's another three-star restaurant. King Crab, Seaweed and Way, Leek, Fermented Allium and Perigord Truffle, Seeds and Grains,

that's the entire dish, Seeds and Grains, and Striped Bass and Farm Offerings. I got to be honest with you, I'm going tire again. Now I'm just like, should I get all four? I got three right now. I got three tires. This one is the closest for me where I felt like I wanted. I would eat this restaurant. This sounds pretty good. I'm going to get the dinner. Yeah, I'm going to get the dinner. I think I'm good with two tires in this dinner. I'm going to go tire, baby.

Yeah, I got three tires. Carl and I got three tires. I also, I have tires. I don't need tires at all. I'm driving on my rotors right now. I got four tires. Just this big tire in my living room. Like, why is that tire here? I have a tire race. Don't know what to do with it. Tire for me.

Lamar, are you getting the meal? Yeah, I'm getting the meal, yeah. That Striped Bass sound good. That got me. We'll go together. It'll be a great time. All right, next up. Where is that at? Where was that restaurant? It's in SF, San Francisco. You know, Carl and I will drive around the neighborhood together.

We'll have fun together. All right, we'll see you all in an hour. This next one is a restaurant that Mitch and I have been to, and perhaps our guests have been to, as well, and I don't think Amelia knew this when she wrote it up, but Providence in Los Angeles. All right. Michael Sumerusti's restaurant. This is a two-star Michelin restaurant.

Oh, Amelia. Song roasted Santa Barbara spot prawns. Amelia, we're eating at Providence like every other week. Quagga. Extra virgin olive oil. Oony egg, sea urchin, champagne beer blanc, brioche croutons, Liberty Farms duck, egg plant, salsify, duck sausage, troll-caught Alaskan king salmon, sun choke, pancetta, black truffle. Yeah, it's very, that's a...

Stop by a troll? It's kind of the troll. He caught a salmon, then he fought Gandalf. That sounded real good. Okay. I'm getting this meal. Providence is fantastic. I went, Natalie and I went for our anniversary one year and had on the,

it was when we had a little less money and we had, it was like very, very expensive for us. It's still expensive for us, but like it was like the point was just like, wow, we're really spending some money on this meal. And it was 100% worth it. It was a fantastic meal. I love Providence. I will also have this meal. Wow.

Yeah. Lamar. Yeah, me too. Yeah, I'll take that meal. That sounded, that also sounded filling too, like then sounding small plate. Yes. They say I have prawns. I mean, I like shrimp.

I got news for you. I've had Providence before and it's great. I like it a lot, but come on, man. I'm one tire short. I'm going to get my fourth tire. We got another restaurant though. I know, I know, I know. But now I know hopefully it's good.

I should, I'm kind of gambling here because I'm hoping that this next one is the best of all. So I got my four tires, my four new tires, and I'm going to gamble here on this last restaurant wise, but I got, I got a nice set of wheels going. Well, hey, this might be the best one of all because this is a Thomas Keller restaurant, famous chef per se in New York city, another three star Michelin restaurant, pan seared main scene scallop with pan seared main sea scallop, not scene scallop, split English peas and glazed sweet carrots with Mussolini Palois, Malvarrosa baked Italian eggplant and San Marzano tomatoes with pesto,

hen egg custard, raguio of black winter truffles, and butter poached Nova Scotia lobster, peanut potatoes, roasted romaine lettuce, Australian black truffle and red beet essence. If there's a detriment here, it's a little truffly for me. I don't love truffles. Sounds fantastic. I'll get this meal. I'll still get this meal. Damn, truffle is so much truffle going on.

Too much truffle. Truffle is not for me, man. Double truffle. Yeah. All right. I just can't, I can't get down with truffle, man. It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a bad taste. I, so here's, here's what's going on here.

Scallops, I love seafood and my least favorite seafood is scallops. The, the texture of scallops makes me want to buy them. And I didn't know that until I ordered the scallops at a restaurant. We went to, remember, we went to Vegas, Lamar for Thanksgiving a few years back. And we went to that spot and I ordered the scallops and I was like, I can't finish these. I remember that. Yeah. They're, I don't like, I just realized I don't like scallops anymore.

Yeah. They're, they're tech, I know what you mean. It's just like, it don't, it doesn't do it for me. It's just like, it feels like I'm eating a substance. But yeah. And I like oysters. I could do oysters and I know that's a weird substance too. But scallops for some reason is like I'm eating like fish,

Jell-O and I don't, I'm not eating. Yeah, I got you. So I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to get my fourth tire on here and I'm rolling out. Oh, damn. All right. Yeah. I'm going to take a tire on this too. I didn't like the custard.

I don't like all the truffle. And I don't like, I just Googled this shit, Thomas Keller, and I ain't feeling him. That's right. Yeah. I'm going to take the tire though. So I got two tires. That's cool. Have you ever seen a close-up of a scallop, like a live scallop,

like a microscopic close-up of them? No. Because they're, you know, they're like, they're conical, or no, they're not conical, they're cylindrical. But the top and bottom ridges of them inside the shell are ringed with eyes. Wow. Let me see. Jesus.

Yeah. It looks, it's really monstrous. Scallops are a new England thing. I like scallops, but I, but I, my, they have to be cooked well, Nick. It's like, they're a tough one. If you, if you fuck them up, you're, you're, you're, you're going to have a really bad time. Like Carl, they shouldn't be, they shouldn't be jello. Like that's, that's, that's, you know what I mean?

But they are always like a, they are always soft. You know what I mean? But it's, they're, they're tricky. They're tricky ones. I wonder if they messed up my scallops at this, and that was like a four-star restaurant. It was a really good restaurant we were at in Vegas. But I was eating it, and I was just like, I can't, like, I'm going to gag. Like, and I'm, and I like seafood.

I'm not, I'm not against seafood. And they shouldn't be too seafoody either, is the other thing too. They shouldn't, they shouldn't have an overly seafood taste. I, Nick, I held out cause I, cause I want to get four tires and I want to roll the dice. And I think I made the good choice by waiting for the last restaurant. That being said, I'm going tire. I'm taking my fifth tire. I got a spare tire in the back.

Hey, come pick me up tomorrow. Mitch is driving one of those Cadillacs that got the tire on the trunk, you know? That's what I get upgraded to because I've chose five towers. Let me see what this one's called. I'm, I'm, I'm, Lamar, I'm, I'm a truffle fan. I, I, I, I'll do the truffle shuffle like you were saying. I, I, I like, I like to get the truffles in, but maybe a little too truffly uh, uh, uh, Carl, like you were saying, uh, maybe, maybe, uh,

maybe a touch too much truffle in that. Yeah. Yeah. Truffles are good. It just, it's just over, it's very overpowering when you get, you get a lot, it's a lot of truffle in there. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm like, I'm neutral on truffle. Yeah. Yeah. I bought some of those, uh, you know, those like cheese snacks from Trader Joe's, where it's just like hydrogenated cheese or like the crunchy, like they turn in like cheese chips or whatever. I bought some of those. I grabbed a bag, like the Parmesan crisps.

I guess they were called something like that. Yes. Yeah. I bought a bag of those and I got them home. I was so excited. I plopped down on my couch, turned on my YouTube, opened up that bag, took a bite. I was like, oh no, I got the truffle ones. That's too much.

It feels like it, it feels like a truffle just overrated. Like, like, it's not, I don't not like it, but it just feels like people act like it's so good. I'm like, it's fine. It's fine. I'm with you. Yeah. I'm with you. I don't want a truffle fries.

That's, that's, that's the car you're going to have with your five tires. Carl just sent me the, the car I'd get with my five tires. I can tell you, it's a huge upgrade from what I have for my Altima right now. This thing is great. A 1985 Cadillac Seville. Yeah. With the white, the white, uh, rent was that? Yeah.

With the white walls? The white walls. Yeah. I love that shit. 9,000 bucks. 1985. It's great. Look at this bad boy.

Damn. What is it? Is it outside of chain restaurant there? It's outside some sort of restaurant that you look in place. It's in pretty good shape. Oh, that is a, uh, roof in. And what does that say? Is that, is a roof in?

Is that maybe, uh, is that's like maybe a hotel then? A roof in. Red roof in? Is that what it is? Red roof in. I don't know if that's a red roof in. Roof. Show what that is in the background.

Hmm. Hmm. Carl, I'll come and pick you up in this bad boy while Lamar and Nick are off at dinner together. Yeah. And we can do a drive by on Togo's. Nick, I'll come pick you up in my car that I have. We'll eat, and we'll eat together. I love it.

Uh, that was the Michelin Men. Just like a restaurant about your feedback. Let's talk about the feedback. And today we have an email from Becca. Becca writes, I'm a props master and I love listening to your pod while working and doing crafts. Very cool job. As someone on the tech side of things, I never have time to actually sit down and eat a real meal when I'm working. My question is what's your go to snack to keep your energy up when you're working a 12 plus hour day?

Too long of a day for anyone. My go to is a handful of mixed nuts or some cheese or end crackers. Thanks for the laughs and huge shout out to Emma and the rest of the crew. That's nice, Becca. Thanks so much. No shout out to us, huh? Well, Emma and the rest of the crew, I imagine we're encompassed in that. All right, cool.

I mean, we get a general shout out because they're just emailing the feedback. A prop person. This is cool. Someone in the industry. Said I love listening to your pod. I think, I think Becca was suitably complimentary. All right, fine, fine, fine. But clearly it likes Emma more, which I understand.

Mixed nuts, cheese and crackers, those are good because those have some protein to them. Because the main thing is if you're just snacking on chips and cookies, you can get groggy because you're just getting carbs. So yeah, I got to have some sort of protein source. I'm big on some sort of, if there's a tub of peanut butter or something, if I can smear some peanut butter on something, like I got myself an apple or a banana with some peanut butter on it, I feel like that's a snack that I can do pretty efficiently and eat semi on the go.

Like it's not super duper contained. But, and also I'm getting a little bit of protein from the PB. But cheese and crackers is a great choice. I don't know. Cheese and crackers is good. Yeah. This is on, this is on set. I got lost when she said that she was a prop master, right?

Prop master, but it doesn't have to be prop master. I think it's more general than that. What's a go-to snack to keep your energy up when you're working a 12-plus hour day? So you're working all day. You don't have time for lunch. Cheese. You're working through lunch as Carl was in the Brooklyn room. And you have to go ahead and eat something quickly on the go.

Cheese and crackers might, cheese can slow you down. I, you know, it's, you know, it's, you know, it's a good, like won't give you the rumblies, we'll keep you going up fruit that I like is a some purple grape. Well, I guess red grapes, some red grapes. Yeah. Give me, give me like a little thing of red grapes snack on them. Some fruit, you know, you get fruit in. Yeah.

For, for energy specifically. I think what you were saying, some sort of peanut butter and, and like a peanut butter and an apple, Nick is a good way to get things going. We've all talked about it here before, but that thing, when you get to a set, they offer you a breakfast burrito. You want to eat it, but then that will also like put you to sleep over the course of the, especially if you're up at like five AM or six AM. Um, and again, it doesn't have to be set stuff.

It's just throughout the day, a 12 hour day. So imagine, I mean, you could also think of a vending, what's available in a vending machine or what's available in a break room in an office, you know? Yeah. I'm like, Mitch, I got the fruit popping. I think fruit, usually, or when I'm on set, I fuck with almonds. Almonds. Almonds are good nuts.

Almonds and nuts. That's great. What about the jerky? I got bad teeth. Almonds don't help bad teeth. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Bad in what way?

Hmm? Is it sensitive? Or bad in what way? Are they sensitive? Oh, they just beat up and I don't go to the dentist. They just beat up. I need to go to the dentist. How you going to go to the dentist?

Yeah, I know, but I'd rather buy a gold chain. Look at it shining. It's shining through the zoom. There's probably all those Togo sandwiches and two damn cold fucking teeth up. Can't bite my gold chain. I also like fruit snacks. Those are good. Do you mean like a package fruit snack?

Yeah, like a package of fruit snacks. I'll eat that up. A little bit of sugar, just a little bit of sugar. And sometimes you get like the more natural ones. That's good. Fruit leather. Fruit leather is a fun one. Fruit leather is pretty good.

Yeah, yeah. Fruit leather can be good. That's a good ass. Like the ones that they sell right there, Trader Joe's at the counter. Yeah, check out them. Those are always pretty damn tasty and they're healthy for you, aren't they? I mean, I'm sure they got a lot of sugar in them, but...

No, I think comparatively a lot of them are made with real fruit. I think compared to like completely fake fruit snacks, I think they're a little bit better. The fruit is pretty good. Gummy bears, comparatively, they're better than... Yeah, yeah. I like... What else do I like?

I was going to say like a Nature Valley. Like that's a granola bar that tends to be like available. It's not my favorite, but if there's a Nature Valley and I just need to eat something that's a substitute for a meal, I'll be like, ah, fuck, this will get me through the day. That always bums me out though to do a power bar. It's not exciting, but I mean, just you know, if it's there, I'll do it. Weiger, to piss off your wife, do you ever eat a Nature Valley bar in bed?

Yeah. To piss her off, all the crumbs get in the bed. We're fully involved at this point. So yeah, we'll do things like that. That pisses her off from her separate bed. She's like, see how nice your bed is going. From the top bunk, down down there. Crunching too loud.

But you know what, oatmeal is a nice little snack because oatmeal can be considered kind of like a, you know what I mean, like that doesn't have to be on the breakfast truck or whatever, but an oatmeal, that's how we'll keep you going through the day. Keep you regular too though. Yeah, you can have that afternoon. You'll be fully involved with that bathroom in 30 minutes. Let us know your picks.

Hashtag go to on the go. And if you have a question or comment about the word. Who was the emailer's name? What was their name? Becca. Becca's a prop master. Do you think she was in control of salacious crumb by chance? I mean, like, yeah, probably.

Probably in the book about that. I think we can safely assume that. Do you remember Nick? I think that, oh no, I think it was actually. I'm so glad that's the prop master joke you made. I was so worried you were going a different direction. What do you think I was going to do? I thought you were going to do like an Alec Baldwin joke.

I was like, oh, Jesus Christ. And then me saying it is, I should have just not said that. Made it worse by saying it aloud. I'm never working with Alec Baldwin. Jesus. Nick, I was going to say, do you remember? And you weren't there. I realized it was, I think it was the San Francisco sketch fest with the

birthday boys, but triumph the insult comic dog. Like it was Robert Smigel and Robert Smigel. Yeah. Robert Smigel and his TV fun house. And I was like, well, I love like triumph. And then like, I saw just like triumph. I saw like a dead triumph on like, like no one controlling it, just like laying there on the side of the stage.

And it was such a sad thing to see, just like a non-moving triumph, just dead on the side of the stage. It was very sad. Yeah. When I worked with the Jim Henson company on Earth to Ned, which you can check out on Disney Plus. I saw a lot of just inert muppets. Is that Gorko just by itself?

Hi, the show's called Earth to Ned. It's not called Gorko's Planet. Sorry. Thanks for the email, Becca. If you have a question or comment with the word of the chain, rest in GDMail. It's a Doughboyz podcast at gmail.com. Or leave us a voicemail at 830.

Go to that's 830-463-6844. And the tournament continues all much long in the Doughboyz Double or Weekly Bonus Episode during the Golden or Platinum Play Club at patreon.com slash Doughboys. And also check out XOXO Gossip Kings with two of the funniest people alive, Carl Tartt, Lamar Woods, our guests. Guys, thank you so much for coming on the show. Thank you.

Tell us about your podcast and anything else you would like to plug. XOXO Gossip Kings. So me and Lamar have been talking about Gossip Girl for a long time. And I never got a chance to watch it. And by the time I got a chance to watch it, I was like, we should turn this into a podcast. And so we hit up our good, all of our boss, Amir, y'all two are my boss.

And then the head of y'all is Amir Bloomin' Phil, the CEO of the company. And we decided to get to get a pod going. And we watch Gossip Girl every weekend. I'm watching it in real time. I haven't Lamar seen it before, but I have not seen Future Stuff. We actually had a guest on our show that spoiled something for me a little bit. So that was kind of a bummer. Yeah, that was right.

But she was great though. Don't. But not about it back. She's banned from the show. She can't come back anytime. She's dope as hell. But I won't tell you who this guy won't want to spoil the guest. Oh, I guess, I mean, that's not a real spoiler, Lamar.

We're going to have Greta Titleman on the show. And Greta's great. And so, yeah. We just finished the first season. So you got time to hop in when we got to hop in on this second season. It's going to be crazy. I genuinely like, Carl was like, let's do this podcast. And I was like, man, he's watching this in real time.

It's a good chance he might not like this show. We have to stop doing the podcast. But he liked it. It has not become a burden yet. It has not become a burden yet. We have a good time doing it. And yeah. And then other than that, there's always the flagrant ones with our pals,

Hayes Devonport and Sean Clements. And Carl calls his cousin on the Patreon. Go to patreon.com. And you guys got the money. You subscribe to this one. You get all the... I subscribe to this one so somebody can repay me by subscribing to the flagrant ones too.

I don't even subscribe to my own. I subscribe to this one though. And then also, yeah. That's it. Nothing else. Grand crew. Oh, yeah. Grand crew.

Check out Grand Crew. Grand Crew. We hope you watched the finale, which is for us airing tonight. And tonight's the series... I mean, season finale. Oh, my God. Hope it's not the series finale. Yeah.

Oh, no, yeah. The season finale. Season finale tonight. Please don't be the series finale. I need the money. I got to get my teeth fixed. No, he bought another chain again. Grand Crew, if you're watching this now,

you can catch up on Grand Crew on Peacock TV or Hulu. All the episodes are there. You can watch every single episode on Peacock or Hulu. Go ahead and check that out. Grand Crew on NBC. Wow. Lamar, you got to the show. Congrats on the pod.

Thank you. Same thing. Yeah, I was a writer on Grand Crew. So that worked for me. Watch that show. Watch... I also, I'm still promoting my movie I made because I own that movie.

So you watch that movie. It goes straight to my pocketbook. So it's called It's a Party and it's on Amazon, Apple, all that. And it's really fun to watch now because everyone in the movie is famous now, which is crazy. So it feels like you're watching the beginning

of a whole generation of comedians. So yeah, check that out if you haven't already. It's a party. Grand Crew, XOXO Gossip Kings, Flagrant Ones, Carl Coles' Cousin, Check It All Out, Carl Tartt, Lamar Woods, and Mitch. And Wags, I got to say, Carl's an honor to be the Mr. Smithers

to Amir's Mr. Burns. Yes, in your life. Amir is Mr. Smithers. I mean, Amir is Mr. Burns. You guys are Mr. Smithers and I am Carl Colesin. I'll do it for this episode of Dill Boys. And until next time,

for Mr. Slice of Bread, Mike Mitchell-Lam, The Sandwich Lad, Nick Weigher, happy eating. See ya. The Munch Madness finale is coming and you can watch live. Join us Tuesday, March 29th at 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific

for a live digital experience featuring guests don't stop or will die, AKA Michael Daniel Cassidy and Paul Rust. Be the first to see which sandwich chain wins the Dave Thomas Cup. Get your tickets at momenthouse.com slash doughboys. That's momenthouse.com slash doughboys.