Doughboys - Munch Madness: McDonald's Chompionship with Don’t Stop or We’ll Die

Episode Date: March 26, 2020

For the finale of Munch Madness 2020, Michael Daniel Cassady and Paul Rust (Don't Stop or We'll Die) return for the remote recorded finale of the Tournament of Chompions where we decide the single best menu item at McDonald's.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

That's an estimate of how many McDonald's employees do not receive paid sick leave. A shameful number. In the midst of the current COVID-19 crisis that threatens the health and welfare of millions of Americans, the absence of guaranteed sick days for food service workers is an abomination, necessitating sick employees, as they often do now, to work through their illnesses, endangering their lives and exposing fellow workers and customers to this highly contagious contagion. In a minor expansion of benefits designed for the obfuscation of PR professionals, McDonald's corporate recently reluctantly agreed to expand paid sick leave, but limited it to 14 days

for quarantined employees only of corporate-owned stores only. A paltry concession, as many coronavirus sufferers, unlike damp libertarian fail son Rand Paul, do not have access to the tests that would lead to quarantine, and 90% of McDonald's locations are not corporate-owned, but franchise-owned. Beyond that, McDonald's PR-oriented coronavirus efforts include posting a socially distanced version of the Golden Arches, a lame act of self-parody akin to Shell rebranding a Sheel, or Raytheon painting a rainbow flag on a drone missile trained on a Yemeni wedding. So as Doughboy salutes the workers of McDonald's and the menu items their labor prepares, the

current health care crisis once again shows the necessity of health care for all, and for fair-paying unionization for food, service, and agriculture employees, whose quote-unquote unskilled labor has proven to be among the most essential in our entire economy. And despite the all-encompassing global plague that occupies our every waking moment, the tournament of choppy and spirals-in-demand is toward its inevitable conclusion, as 64 sesame seeds of McDonald's menu items have narrowed to a final fork of combatants, plus one returning item from Fat Chance Kitchen. So which McDonald's fast food stuff will prove itself to be the pride of Mayor McChese's

domain and take home the most prestigious award-in-chain restaurant podcasting, the Dave Thomas Cup? And speaking of Dave Thomas, 133,000 Wendy's workers do not receive paid sick leave, so fuck Wendy's! This week on Doughboys, the final fork and choppy-enship of much-mantest 2020, the tournament of choppy-ens' MAC ATTACK! Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants, I'm Nick Weiger, across from my co-host, Walking Bologna Virus, the Spoon Band, Mike Mitchell.

Walking Bologna Virus? Like Corona Virus, but Bologna Virus. Oh, because Corona and Bologna Rhyme. It's a near rhyme. That was courtesy of Kristen and Douglas. I chose this one because of the note they included. Doughboys is the foundation of our relationship. Please never let it end, Spoon Nation for Life.

Ooh, bad news. Yeah, that's a bad foundation for our relationship. That's like building a city on sand. That's just not... You need something a little firmer than that. You don't have to put a skyscraper on top of a pile of mud. You don't badmouth Tatooine. You're right, Tette.

You know what? I was thinking of Jakku. I didn't realize that I didn't think that Tatooine. I was thinking of Jakku and then the other desert planet, they added an episode 9 that's not Jakku or Tatooine. They added... You're full of shit. No one is ever...

No one is ever thinking of... Sorry, no one is ever thinking of Jakku, ever. I was. No one is thinking of Jakku. I was thinking of it a moment ago. Is that a Jakoff joke? No, I was thinking of... No, it was not a Jakoff joke.

I was saying... I was saying Jakku was on the brain when you were talking about desert climates, desert planets. Look, I want to say something. Not everyone, as we all know this, but not everyone follows our social media, so we just want to let everyone who just listens to the free feed and isn't following us on Twitter or Facebook or Instagram or whatever, that we know people are starved for content. We released some Patreon episodes of Doe Boyz Double for free.

We removed the paywall and we plan to release more, hopefully for those of you guys who are just looking for more stuff to listen to and are already on the Patreon. That stuff we're just distributing out for free for the time being. So you can check out our pinned tweet at our Twitter account at Doe Boyz Pod, Doe Boyz followed by Pod, for a current list of what episodes have been unlocked and how to listen to them. But we got a lot to discuss today, Mitch. Can I just say quickly that you spearheaded that.

I wanted to change it so the Patreon was $100 a month. And you said like, you can't do this as a pandemic. And I said, all right, I guess you're right. Yeah. And you've got an SUV full of toilet paper, right? Yeah, that's right. And hand sanitizer? We didn't get to talk about the Black St. Patrick's Day where Tom Brady left the Patriots

and it was St. Patrick's Day and it was canceled St. Patrick's Day. Real bummer. Real bummer for the Pats fans. How are you processing that? You doing all right? Most challenging thing in your life right now? I think it is the most important thing that's going on. I really, that guy brought a lot of joy to me over the years and I just want to nominate

him for Heart of a Chompion. Tom Brady, first nominee for the Heart of a Chompion Award. That's right. No connection whatsoever to McDonald's, but he's in the running. But a lot like McDonald's, he's like the greatest. You know what I mean? He's like McDonald's. Right.

Yeah, he's at the top of his field in the way a lot of people feel that McDonald's is at the top of the fast food sector. Mitch, we have a lot of business to get to and some amazing guests. We should play your drop and then we should start introducing people. Head out of Spoon Nation and here's a little drop. Here we go. I mean, I'm much more lifelike than Mary Pete. Yeah.

You're kind of like Bishop from Aliens. Right. And he's, who's the first one in Alien 1? It's Ian Holm. It's Ian Holm. Ian Holm. Holm? Ian Holm.

Ian Holm. Ian Holm. Ian Holm. Ian Holm. Ian Holm. Ian Holm. It's Ian Holm. Ian Holm.

Ian Holm. Ian Holm. It's Ian Holm. Ian Holm. Ian Holm. Okay. Alright. Thanks for having me.

Today's Drop comes courtesy of Alex Barber. Alex writes, Hey Mitch, hope you survive March. Here's a drop. And there it is, Nick. Wow. What a great submission. Another banger. Mitch, before we introduce our guests,

there is someone else who is a huge part of the Tournament of Chompions. He is the Commissioner of the Doe Boys Tournament of Chompions. And we have him with us for our finale. Please welcome Evan Susser. Hello, Doe Boys. Guests, welcome to the finale of the Tournament of Chompions.

It has been a tournament not without its challenges. Some expected, like eating every item at McDonald's, some unexpected, like a global pandemic. But even though we have these challenges, I am so excited that the finale of the Tournament of Chompions is happening today. I will be here to answer some questions, greet our guests, and then I will be signing off

unless there is a need for a tie-breaking vote, in which case I will be standing by. Right, because we do have four, we have four people, including our two guests. And so there's a possibility things will be knotted up when we get to the championship and we need a tie-breaker. I got a question right out of the bat.

Yes. Why, you have like a green screen background like Joe Biden when he was giving his updates. Are you, where are you right now? I'm in my, I'm in the commissioner, the Doughboy's commissioner's office. It maybe looks a little similar to the Oval Office. Yeah, I see the resident desk behind you.

It looks like the Oval Office like in 1970. That was the highest resolution picture available for free within seven minutes before this recording started. But yeah, I thought that, you know, why if we're gonna be doing this Zoom call that no one's gonna see, why not do a visual gag for them? Yeah, just let people know that you are dressed in a suit.

Also, Joe Biden style, that's the same suit you've been wearing for all your previous appearances. Did you record this in advance? No. So who would have thought that the quarter pounder is winning the chomping ship? Oh boy. That's it, we're all done.

Very suspicious. I hope Susser is okay because this is, this seems like this has the cadence of a hostage video. And coronavirus is over, I'm so glad to hear it. Oh boy. When would this have been recorded? How are you guys doing? We're doing great, we're hanging in there.

Is this from the future? Is this a future recording? I think that's what's going on. I think this is a Joe Biden situation, but he's from a future bunker. I think that's where Susser is hiding out the storm. Honestly, not a bad strategy because, you know, this will resolve

at some point in the future. Do you wanna introduce our guests? Yeah, go ahead. Your shoulder is disappearing, it's turning into the background. I'm like Marty McFly's family, unfortunately. Oh, really? Hey, as opposed to disappearing,

who's about to be appearing on the podcast? Are our guests? They are actors, comedians, and musicians who together comprise a power pop band known as Don't Stop or Will Die. Please welcome Michael Daniel Cassidy and Paul Russ back to the show. Hi guys. Oh hey.

Hey, good boys. Hi, Cassidy. Hey, dough boys. Hi, Paul. Hey dudes. Thanks for having us. Thanks for having us. This is the best. A delight. Thank you guys for making time during the lockdown

to order some McDonald's and rank it. I wanted to talk before we get into McDonald's specifically, which we do have a lot to discuss about. Obviously, we're in these unique unusual circumstances, unprecedented, perhaps, in American history, where we are all locked down and we cannot leave. What are you guys doing for sustenance right now? Are you cooking more on your own?

Are you ordering a lot of food? What are you doing to feed yourselves and your families at this trying time? I've already cooked and eaten my family. Oh boy. Oh no, right over there. They're early on. I thought it was probably headed there, so I was like, let's just do this.

No, I don't know. It has been a good time to support local restaurants and stuff that'll do delivery. I feel like I'm hand picking my faves to go like, oh, I want to make sure this place doesn't can survive this thing. So, I don't know. That's one thing I've been doing, targeting places.

Paul, how about you? Yeah, I'm doing a lot of cooking with funny aprons. That's fun. It's like, the apron is like the lower part of the statue of David. Oh yes. Yeah, that's great. That's great.

That's great. I like that a lot. Oh, you know what? Thanks, I brought it up because I thought you guys would get a kick out of it. It's twisted like you guys are. It's a little twisted, it's a little messed up, but I think it is still,

I think that's why it's so funny. Because you're not the statue of David, but then for a second, people are like tricked into thinking that maybe you are. I've said the wigger before. Oh yeah, it's all about the trick. Yeah. I've said the wigger before that.

Is that the statue of Liberty in my kitchen? I mean, David, David. Well, they probably make one with a statue of Liberty too. Yeah, well, in Susser's reality, it's a statue of Liberty one. Remember, he's a little. You're such a prude.

Susser's such a prude. He can't imagine even like picturing in his mind's eye at the bottom half of that glued statue. Susser, you think that they make a bottom half of the statue of Liberty, which is famously just a robe? They probably do, in New York. Not nationally, but in New York.

All of its most identifiable characteristics are above the neck. The torch, the crown, the head of hair. Well, maybe they do a reverse apron, where it's just the top, I don't know. Yeah, classic, yeah, classic. That's probably a reverse apron. That's probably what they do in that circumstance.

One thing that people, they visit New York and they ask, what do you know about the statue of Liberty? And people are like, one thing I know is, it's famously a robe on the bottom half. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. It's famous for that part. It also holds a coat of laws or book or something. What's it got in its off hand?

I always forget. The 10 Commandments. Some sort of ops. The 10 Commandments, that's right, the founding document for our great nation. What is that, I don't know. It's probably, is it a treaty with France or something? Oh, yeah, some bullshit. I actually just, I recently visited the Statue of Liberty.

And they updated the book. Oh, really? Yeah, it's, you know the book, you know, like the game? Uh-huh. Like how there's like pickup artists, like the game? Yes, yeah. That's what the book is now, it's the game. It's now the game, wow.

It's the pickup artist book. That woman, it's called the game. The book is called the game. Who's a queen or something? Guy has a pickup artist book. That's right. I guess maybe perhaps she's like kind of reclaiming it, saying like, now I know your tricks,

pickup artists, don't try this nonsense on me. Maybe that's the idea. My original thought was to go with save the cat, but I thought that was too... Well, it's still worked. You got to do them both. Yeah, you have to do them both. All right, go ahead.

No, I was just gonna say that, I've said it on the podcast before, but I think the Statue of David gets too much shit for people saying it's dick is small. I think that it says it, but I think it's almost, you hear this a lot about that. It's never been said to me. I think it's big almost.

I don't think he has a huge dick, but it's, you know, it's again, it's flaccid. This is, you know, every dick has to be measured twice. And I think that it was, he's maybe not showing it in his best light at the moment, but I don't think it's like... Yeah, he just got out of the shower. Yeah, exactly.

He's cold, his feet just hit the tile, the cold tile floor. Do you know how, you know, like resting... When I was in... Yes. Is there like resting baby dick? Resting small dick. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. And what happens when it's active? When it's not resting anymore. It becomes adult. Adult baby dick. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. I just need you to know we've had a few dates and seems like we're gonna spend the night together. And I just need you to know I have adult baby dick. Ha ha ha. In mitches, from mitches side of things, that has two meanings in that it is small

and also underneath a diaper. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. I have rest... Underneath. Underneath was the most wild word in all of that.

Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. I have resting baby dick wagger. It's the truth. It's a lot of people. It's an ailment a lot of men have. I don't think it's any. No one thinks that a flaccid penis

is someone pretending to get their best light. So I think you obsess about that a little too much, Mitch. The stashy dick that I always think of is the one in Goonies that Chunk breaks. Oh yeah, it breaks the dick off. And the dick pops off and Sean Astin says that's my mom's most favorite piece. Ha ha ha.

That's good. And then they glue it on upside down or something, right? Yes, they glue it on upside down. Ha ha ha ha. Which I don't think- Hold on, wagger. Yes. I'm trying to just be fun and have fun.

We're having fun. And then you're telling me I obsess about it too much? I'm just having fun. Okay, great, we're having fun. Clearly we're having fun. Paul, you were gonna say something. Ha ha ha ha. A lot of people were having a good time.

They like to stop and say, clearly we're having fun. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Paul, you were gonna tell an anecdote

and then I interrupted you. Oh, I'm glad we got back to that. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. I'm sorry.

The real quick, because just in case people could ingress, we are on like a few second delay. Yeah. There's a little bit of a delay, yes. My joke before we started was, I'm saying this in 2006, test, test. I like. Yeah, that was good.

I liked that quite a bit. No, when I was in high school, I watched the Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee porn video with a group of my peers as your want to do. Right. A group of other boys. Yes. Yes, and I guess as I was watching it,

just because Tommy Lee has a famous large penis, as I was looking at it, I had my own internal like penis inflation about my own, because when I got home later that night, I looked at my penis, it was so small. Ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah. You just, he, that guy gave you penis dysmorphia.

That might be a generational thing. That might be a generational thing with. Tommy Lee is responsible for all this. Yeah, men of our age, one of the first porno dicks that we were all exposed to was Tommy Lee's just fucking huge hog. And I think that maybe a lot of us are viewing our own penises as Paul did as a boy through the prism

of comparing it to his forearm length tool, which is really. Mitch is not. It's not an exaggeration. Mitch is not invigorously. And you mean like four, like F-O-U-R, like four arms long? Yes, to clarify, I meant like the number, like four adult male arms strung together. Well, you know, you gotta compare it to, Mitch,

like you gotta compare it, like, or Paul, that night, like, you gotta look at your dick on a speedboat, you know, and like in the right environment and maybe it would look the same. You know, guys. That is true, that is true. You know, the only. I was on a houseboat, but it wasn't a speedboat. Hey, Paul, quickly.

It wasn't the houseboat from Cape Fear, was it? No, I mean, Robert De Niro was standing outside it. Oh, no, sounds like it was. Sounds like it might have been. Unless it was the houseboat from Meet the Fockers. He was in character as both Max, Katie, and Max, Katie, and... Mr. Focker.

I just wanted to say that the only Pamela Lee video I was watching. Terry Polo's dad. The only Pamela Lee videos I was watching were Best of Stripperella. I didn't watch any of that. I didn't watch any of that Tommy Lee Porno stuff. Wasn't the Stripperella, that was the animated show, right? That was a Stanley animated show?

I didn't watch any of that Tommy Lee Porno stuff. Yes, you were a good boy, Miss, you were really good. Stripperella was a very, it was a very horny cartoon. I don't know if anyone saw it. Yeah. I kind of peripherally remember it. I never watched an actual episode. It was on the same...

It was the same era as like Duck Man, it felt like. Yeah, they were both jack-off cartoons. Yeah, you were pounding off to Stripperella. I was beating my meat to a Duck Man. We all had our own thing we latched on to. Some people were into space ghosts. Well, guys, I like that even during these trying times, we can all gather around the fire of talking about our dicks.

Yes, I'm so pleased we can talk about our dicks. We tend to remember, you remember the important things when you're separated from your family and your friends physically, and then when you finally do have a time to connect, it's like, oh, this is what really matters. This is the topic I want to discuss. Hey, speaking of topics we want to discuss, McDonald's!

You guys are... Woo! I know both of you guys are McDonald's enthusiasts, and we're very excited to have you here. Can we take, and Cassidy, we can start with you and then go to Paul. Can we hear a little bit about your personal history? Hold on a second.

Before you... Wiger, Susser's been trying to say something for 10 minutes. What were you going to say, Susser? I'm leaving. Okay, Susser's leaving. Have a great episode. It seems like even with this, even though we're on technology,

it seems like this is going to be great. Call me if there's a tiebreaker. Everyone, don't let your obsession about your small baby dicks get in the way of focusing on McDonald's, especially Mitch, you, who I know you can't get hung up on it. Okay, goodbye, everyone. Have a great tournament.

Call me if there's a tiebreaker. Bye. Bye, Susser. I spoke up for you. I spoke up for you to speak, and then that's how you respond. Bye, Mitch. He burned you, baby.

You fell for the oldest trick in the Zoom book. Here's my thought. He's still there. He's still there. It's taking him like a full minute to figure out how to leave. Okay, he's finally gone. His head was just bobbling around the oval office,

like levitating. Can I just say quickly, Wiger, that we went from doing this with three people in it not working last week to doing it with like eight people? Yeah, we upped the degree of difficulty 300% with going from one guest to three guests. So our Tuesday episode with Claudia O'Doherty

was a technical debacle. And we kept, you know, you kept dropping out because your internet at your home is very bad through no fault of your own. It's just that your neighborhood is wired that way. And so we were all on a delay, and that episode was a mess. Claudia obviously great, but it was a fucking mess.

Emma did her best to clean it up as much as possible. That was a mess. And then this one, this one we're making even more difficult for her. So we'll see how this works, but. Well, Emma's been awesome through all of it. And thank you so much, Emma. I'm trying.

We're going to make it. Yeah. The content fountain will not be turned off. We're going to keep that nozzle flowing. So McDonald's, Cassidy, what was your favorite? What are your, when did you start? When did you become a McDonald's fan? Do you have any favorites growing up?

Any favorites as an adult? I mean, yeah. I mean, it was definitely the first fast food that I remember like being asked where I want to go. And it was McDonald's. And my, I would go, I grew up with my mom, but I would go to my dad's house. And it was every Wednesday night at the time.

And we would go to McDonald's every time. I would do the exact same thing. It would be the happy, they would be the McNugget happy meal with an orange drink. And then we'd rent Ghostbusters and go to his house. It was the best. That fucking rolls. I remember like at my heaviest in my high school days,

that's when I was really like, that's when it became like a true hangout of ours. Like it was like a social, like going to McDonald's with your pals was the thing to do. It was great. It was so great. Favorites like as a kid were definitely, one of our contenders today

is one of my childhood fab faves, the double cheeseburger. That used to be, that was my go-to sandwich. And yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. How do you sum up McDonald's? I've been there so many countless times. Oh, so true. I'm not even a fast food,

I don't know, maybe I am a fast food guy compared to some, but like I don't eat it very much anymore. I went to, we'll get into why later, but I ended up, I sampled four different McDonald's for today. Wow. I had to, including the one that I Uber-eated from today. I Uber-eated.

Yeah, like I don't know, Favorites now, like when I go there now, they have this thing now where you can do, it's like for three bucks, you can get a McChicken and a double cheeseburger. It's like my dream come true. It's completely fantastic. And you just get two sandwiches,

then I usually get fries too. It's hard to leave McDonald's without fries. It feels like insane to be like leaving a drive-through without fries in a bag. Doesn't that feel, I don't know, it just doesn't feel right. No, I get what you mean. It's almost a, it was, except for times when I've been eating like no carbs

and I've tried to cobble together McDonald's order from like having like a double cheeseburger with no bun and a side salad. And that is like, it doesn't even scratch the itch. It's not even worth doing. Why did you just- I was gonna ask. Yeah.

Why did you do that? Well, you know what, I was trying to eat healthy. I was trying to lose weight. I have had my weight fluctuate as you know, a few of us have dealt with over the course of our lives. And at times when I was really eating healthy, but I wanted some McDonald's

and I felt like I could still do the same thing in an outburger. I felt like I could get like just a double-double lettuce wrapped and no fries and like an iced tea and then have enough of an approximation of this fast food craving that I could continue on my path of eating healthy instead of going completely off the wagon.

But it didn't, it obviously wasn't sustainable because now I'm fucking fat again. So I just like there's, it's just, it's tough. It's fucking tough. Yeah, you're fat as hell. Oh. Yeah. No.

Paul McDonald's with you. I know, again, I know you're generally a fast food enthusiast at large, but also, but specifically McDonald's. What is your connection to this chain? You're wanted for being a fast food enthusiast. Ha ha ha ha. Yes, I am.

And I mean, let me just say, first of all, Mitch and Nick, Mike and I are so happy to get to be here doing this with you and we're also just, it's so cool that you're doing this because these times, hey, they're rough, but you guys don't know how much it means that they get to hear their buddies, the Doughboys and Nick and Mitch.

I'm sure you're doing like a world of good for a lot of people. So from Don't Stop or We'll Die, we say thank you. Oh, that's nice. Oh, that's nice. That's too nice. You're doing the world of service. You're at your own expense.

You're right, we're here. There was a report yesterday that Doughboys is actually increasing the rate of corona infection. Yeah, it's crawling out of the people's earbuds when they listen. That's very nice, Paul. I couldn't handle a compliment.

Thank you, dude. It's gone digital. I'm afraid the virus has gone digital. Has that been in a disaster movie? Has there been something like where there's been a pandemic that started as a computer virus? I feel like there's maybe- And then it became a live person virus?

Yeah, or I think there's maybe something there. I think there's like a- There's a virtuosity? Yeah, virtuosity, it was like he was a virtual criminal that became a real criminal, right? Russell Crowe? Yes. And Denzel Washington was hunting him,

but it's kind of a Simone in that he was virtual at first, but unlike Simone, he manifested himself in the real world. I remember that movie, because there's a scene where they put together all the DNA of all the worst people to compile it, to have- And it's like Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy, but then also it was at the height of Iraq War Panic, so Saddam Hussein's DNA is like used.

It's very stupid. Do you remember in Hot Shots, part two, when Saddam Hussein melts, he gets combined with his dog? Yeah, that's funny. He has dog ears and like a dog tongue or something. Yeah, it's really funny. It's really good. I'd be honored if that happened with me and Irma.

I can hear Irma. Hi. Go ahead, Paul. Wow, look at that. The cat heard its name and she appeared. Yeah, Ian Walley came up, too. Oh, good. Friends.

Yeah, no, it's like what Cassidy said about McDonald's. It's like, how do you even start talking about it? So I don't know. I'll try to be as brief as possible, but it is like, you know, it's like baseball or jazz, guys. How do you get at the heart? It's like the croissant.

It's as American as a croissant. Yeah. But no, yeah, so many memories and I was trying to think of like, well, what are my favorite memories or best memories of the ones that stand out? And I realized like for every month I've lived since the age of six, I have like four memories about McDonald's.

Oh my God. Well, I'm exaggerating for a comic effect. Oh, I fully bought that. I was too dumb for that joke. I thought you meant that you had a lifetime worth of memories. It was too lousy of a joke on my end. No, it was good. I liked it.

No, I blame Weiger. It's my fault. I blame myself on not understanding that and taking that at face value. Well, I'm gonna take a page from the book of Michael Cain. I'm gonna take a page from the book of Michael Cain and blame it on Rio. Yes, blame it on Rio.

The Michael Cain movie? Is that a movie? You'll have to discover for yourself. Okay, check IMDB. Let us know, let us know hashtag real mystery, hashtag real mystery movie if it is in fact a movie. Let us know. So yeah, so many memories attached to McDonald's

and it's the best and I mean, and also, you know, there's a lot of problems with it too, but it's great. Sure. Do you have a personal favorite menu item? Do you have something that you, that's kind of your go-to? Ooh, well, this is where,

you can be coy if you like. The chessboard, well, this is where the chessboard for today starts to, we start to see, I don't know how to play chess, but. I like french fries. The horsies are approaching the castles. Yes, the horsies and the castles will definitely clash today. Me thinks the bishops might weigh in.

No. Miss? I didn't like that. I think they didn't like that. The bishops weighing into me, the bishops weighing into me is something sneaky. You have something sneaky going on, but that's fine. Nick, we should, look, we.

You understand that the bishop is a chess piece. Yes, I know the bishop is a chess piece. Okay. And I know that bishops are also real in real life and are a part of the church. Like horsies and like castles. Like horsies, yeah. Sorry, Paul, I interrupted you.

You wanted to say something about chess, right? No, no, no, I'm done. Move on, move on, move on. There's multiple competitions today, Weiger. I think that we should make a choice right now and talk about, there's a hash brown versus french fry competition before. Yeah, we're gonna get it all back.

Yes. Paul, I'm jumping the gun. Yeah, I've got, we've got this whole structure that we normally do. There's no structure here. There's no structure here. The structure is the whole thing. The structure, the structure is the whole thing.

That's why people come back to the show. They want to hear the format. The structure is the whole thing. The structure is the whole thing. You're out of your mind. That's insane. Let's get boiled down, Doe Boy's argument I've ever heard.

Yeah. Well, we're like, surely we're like under five little microscopes on a screen right now. Let's get into the tournament of chompeans. First up, it's the final fork slash chompeanship. We will be handling both of those rounds today in sequence. Let me recap the tournament rules. Rule number one, everyone is here.

Sides do not stay on the sidelines. Drinks are not in the Gatorade jug also on the sidelines. Rule number two, breakfast items must be available all day. Rule number three, if it's seasonal, it's reasonable, but it has to be available now. That means yes to the shamrock shake, no to the McRib, yes to the little mac and the double big mac.

And rule number four, dips get the slip. You can use them, but they are not part of the evaluation. The tournament began with 64 sesame seeds in four regions, beverages and McCafe, breakfasts, burgers and chicken, sweets and treats and sides and more, that has now been narrowed to the final fork, plus one additional entry who has a chance to take home the Dave Thomas cup.

All right, are you happy? The structure is out there. We got one more thing to do. Do you think that, there's more? What else is there? There's one more thing of Mitch with feasting on procedure. Mitch, you mentioned the hash browns,

and you might be wondering what hash browns are doing here. Well, to tell us how that happened, which happened on Tuesday's Doe Boys Double with Claudio Doherty. We go once more to the Dose Center in Bristol, Connecticut with a great Carl Tartt. Oh boy, it's me again, Carl Tartt. I'm live in the Dose Center

with another Munch Madness Recap. On the last Doe Boys Double before the Munch Madness finale, Claudia O'Darty joined remotely for this year's Fat Chance Kitchen. Mitch's slow internet was a major disruption, making it difficult for him to chime in, but the team soldiered on.

Commissioner Susser declared the new Little Mac and Double Mac satisfied the controversial, if it's seasonal, it's reasonable rule. So they entered a fatal forkway versus Mitch and Weigar's resurrected menu items. Mitch resurrected the Big Mac and Weigar resurrected hash browns. Little Mac was quickly eliminated

and it came down to hash browns and Double Mac. And in the end, hash browns was the winner, setting us up for the potato showdown with fries we all dreamed about. All right, that's it for Carl Tartt in the Dose Center. I'm now going live on my own time in my own Dose Center. And all I can say is, zip it right, zip it left. All this eating will make you run out of breath.

And I've been saying that for years and years. If you know, you know. Goodbye, everybody. Wow, what a piece of audio from Carl Tartt. Thanks, Carl. Wow, what an update. That's insightful. Yeah, so that means that hash browns

have rejoined the competition, but they were going to have to get through a juggernaut in order to actually have a shot at the final fork. We will begin with our Fat Chance Kitchen eat-in match. The Fat Chance Kitchen winner, Hash Browns, which was the three seed originally, will take on the number one sesame seed, fries. This is a potato showdown.

I mean, this is really what it comes down to, for me, McDonald's-wise, because this is, so much of the McDonald's discussion is, do you like the breakfast? Do you like the lunch? And the hash browns and fries are such a big part of that discussion. How do you guys feel, yes?

I have a question. If me, Paul, and Cassidy just left, would you just continue doing this yourself and finish the episode? I'm pretty sure I could do, I could talk continuously and fill 90 minutes, yeah. But I'm not, but this, but I was, I don't want you guys to leave.

I like that you guys are here. Man, I wouldn't ever, I wouldn't miss this for the world. Are you kidding me? Of course. But I'm going to say- But I did pre-record this. Yes.

I was going to say, let's start with talking about hash browns. Cassidy, Paul, Mitch and I have shared a lot of our thoughts on hash browns, but how do you feel about the hashed brown? Phenomenal. It's so good. I would say I eat hash browns like more,

more like cooking a breakfast, like at home I would end up eating hash browns, like at a restaurant. I feel like I don't order hash browns very often, but fast food hash brown is when, fast food is maybe the only place that I do get it regularly. It's so good.

Come on, it's the best. Is there, this is one where, because there are discussions of, you could argue that Dunkin' Donuts breakfast sandwiches are better than McDonald's breakfast sandwiches, and that's a conversation I'm willing to have. However, when it comes down to hash browns,

I can't think of another fast food chain that has anything close to the McDonald's hash browns. Sorry, what were you going to say, Mitch? What are you saying are better than McDonald's breakfast sandwiches? I'm saying potentially Dunkin' Donuts. You could say, people can argue that Dunkin' Donuts is better than McDonald's breakfast.

That's a discussion I'm willing to have, but the Dunkin' hash browns don't really compare to the McDonald's hash browns. No, the Dunkin' hash browns are kind of, they're pretty bad actually. They're very hit or miss. It depends on what Dunkin' Donuts you go to. Right.

It's very, yeah, they're just little, whatever. It's very consistent. The McDonald's hash brown is the best hash brown in fast food, right? I mean, there's no. It really is, and so it comes down to is the best hash brown in fast food enough versus the best fries, arguably the best fries in fast food.

Paul, rest your thoughts on the McDonald's hash browns. Oh, they're just a little delicious warm pocket in your stomach in the morning. What a nice way to enter the day, and they're potatoes. Nobody gets mad at potatoes. It's true. That's very true. This is me in character as Armand Weitzman?

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I'm afraid it's a pretty good impression sound-wise, but unfortunately you're making too much sense. Yeah, that was very cognitive. Yeah. That was very professional. If I had a 10th of that man's brain, I would be blessed.

Weitzman's a goddamn genius. We love Weitzman. Yeah. My family. Yeah, I love Armand. My family came over here, my ancestors, Nick, came over here for potatoes. Yes.

And possibly for hash browns, McDonald's hash browns. I'm not sure if it was the potato famine or if my family just moved here in the 1960s because they liked McDonald's hash browns. But it's a delicious golden oval or oblong. I don't know what's the, is oblong is just a- Oblong.

It's not a shape. Oblong is an adjective, right? Yeah. It's an oval. Sort of like an iPhone or a monolith. It is. A golden monolith is a good way of thinking. Yeah, you know what, it is,

back in the day you remember doing the, and there's a classic bit, just like a funny apron, just a classic bit, the hold up the banana like a phone. And that mimicked the structure of the classic phone that you'd hang up on a hook. But nowadays, with a smartphone, you're better served doing that bit

with a McDonald's hash browns because that actually approximates what phones look like these days. Wait, what the fuck are you talking about? We all know the banana phone bit, classic bit. You pick up a banana, you hold it to your ear in your mouth like the old-time telephone. And you're saying that now, hash browns-

I'm saying that now, swap that out for the hash browns, just be careful not to scald the side of your face because that thing can be oily and hot. I mean, I guess that makes sense, but that is insane. That's the most fucking insane bullshit I think I've ever heard you say. Well, Mitch, let me try to sell you on this.

So let's say you just keep it squeezed inside the little paper pocket envelope and just make sure that the opening of the pocket is towards the mouth when you do the joke. You say hello, oh my gosh, hello, is hash brown there? Do your joke. And then you let go, it goes right in your mouth, you eat it, Mitch.

I do like that. I like that. That's a great way of doing it. And everybody's laughing and you're gobbling it up. Yeah. Yeah. I think that, yeah. I think, you just made me think, Weigher,

that it must have sucked so much to be alive in the 1930s when a banana phone was, you were sitting in an air-conditioned theater and someone was talking into a banana. Well, I think at that time. That seems like a nightmare. I think that's probably too early chronologically for that to be kind of the dominant comedy act

because I think the phones back in those days were the wall-mounted one where you took the little receiver off and you talked into the wall. In 1930, there was no handheld phone. I don't think handheld phones came a little later. I could be wrong. Changed it to 19. And I don't think they had the banana until at least 55,

56. So Weigher, it's a classic matchup between golden ovals and golden lines. Yes, that is what we were resolving. Does the oval, does the single large oval, or the group of lines, what? The group of golden lines. Golden lines or singular golden oval, what is better?

I think what we have to do, and this may be a little tricky because we're on a little bit of a delay to do simultaneously. But I think we got to do our, so guys, Paul and Mike, we do a, we say, buh, buh, buh, buh, together and then simultaneously say what our pick is. And we're going to resolve this right now. We're going to, Mitch, you and I can lead this. Yeah.

But, you ready? Yeah. Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Oh! Paul just said, hold on a bunch of times. Between hash browns and french fries? Yeah, hash browns and french fries.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, here we go. Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, french fries. French fries. Did we all say fries? I think everyone said fries. I think everyone said fries.

It certainly is what I heard. I didn't hear what Paul said, but I said fries. No one said hash browns over fries. No, I don't know how you could in your right mind choose hash browns over fries. Yeah, I mean, it's pretty, it's not quite that big of a gap for me, but it's still clear that fries are the victor.

I think I've just had so many more positive experiences with fries than hash browns. It's not like I've had negative hash browns experience necessarily, but that's just such a big part of McDonald's, man, those fries. It really, it really is. Also, everybody says this, but you know, McDonald's french fries,

everybody loves them. You know, even D haters have to go, oh man, those french fries are good. Like, if you wanna get somebody on the McD's board, oh my God, just offer them two french fries. Yeah, I agree. Two fries. Yeah, great point. You say here, I got two lions for you.

I, two golden lions. I, Nick, you know, when we did this before, it was the Sunday versus the french fries and the Sunday, I'm sorry, the Sunday versus the hash brown. Yes. And the Sunday knocked the hash brown out, you know what? It was good that it came back because I do think that it's, it is a better menu item.

I was thinking of it so much, wow. I do think, I was thinking of it so much just head to head competition and we were eating so much McDonald's that I was just, you know, like I was so used to the hash brown and everything. Right. And then the Sunday there is really, really great

and I think that it deserved to come that far, but the hash brown is a more unique item at McDonald's. It's just so good and it's so specifically McDonald's, that little oval that I think that it deserves to be in the place, in fifth place that I ended up in. Yeah, that's very big of you to say, Mitch. And I think, I will say that I think that the hash browns along with the hot fudge Sunday are two more contenders

for the Heart of a Chompion Award. Wow. Alongside New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady. So we're gonna see how that resolves. And other nominees, Grimmis. And other nominees to come, other nominees to come. We will, we're gonna take a break right now and we will be back after this with the final fork

of the Doe Boys Tournament of Chompions. Whoa! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. I am beside myself. Welcome back to Doe Boys. We are here with the final fork and championship of Munch Madness 2020, the Tournament of Chompions Mac Attack with our guests,

Michael Daniel Cassidy and Paul Rest, don't stop or we'll die. Guys, let's get into these matchups. Mitch, I'll defer to you. Do you think we should do our final fork semi-finalist that includes fries now? You know what, I think we should probably do that one now while we've already got fries in the brain.

Let's just roll right into that one. I think we should put it down to the final too, I do. Okay, so we are going right to the final fork semi-soft final number one. And let me tell you that there's one of these four items that I think hash brown should take over anyways. And that I don't even think is the best version of, I don't even think it's the best option on the menu.

So let's start. Fascinating. So the four seed, sausage egg and cheese McGriddles, which is the breakfast sandwich that has survived is taking on the one seed fries. Cassidy, Paul, I'll let you lead because Mitch and I have shared our thoughts at length on this McGriddles item at this point.

But where does the sausage egg and cheese McGriddles rank on your breakfast tears? Cassidy, we'll start with you. I'll tell you that I am a biscuit man through and through. Wow. When it comes to fast food breakfast, it's all about the biscuit. So I have had the McGriddles before

and I actually hadn't had this one before and it was good. It was very good. There's a lot going on in that sausage egg and cheese McGriddle. It is like a sensory experience. There's so much flavor. And there's so many different flavors

for a fast food sandwich. Like it's a lot of ingredients for a fast food item for me. Does that make sense? I don't know if that makes sense. Yes, yes, yes. I did really like it. I will say it didn't like of the two, I guess we could call them both sandwiches.

There's another sandwich that's not a breakfast sandwich in the mix today. Like this isn't the sandwich that went down the smoothest. It was, the McGriddles as bread is a really cool idea. I really love that idea. And about halfway through the sandwich, I get it. It's hard for me to finish the whole, it's just a lot for me.

Very, very heavy. It's very heavy. It's really heavy. Paul, I don't know, what'd you think? Yeah, God, Mike, you said so much so well. I really don't know how to, like I agree with so much of it. It's like, yeah, it's the same.

It's like too many flavors. I too am a biscuit man through and through. Ooh, wow. We're biscuit men. Biscuit buddies. We're biscuit buddies. I think that's why we've written so many songs about biscuits. You know, it's funny that is a common thread

in your discography that I didn't ever connect until you just said that. But yeah, you've got. And if you play all of our songs backwards in the order of release, it's a recipe for biscuits. That's really, that's a great Easter egg. That's great to know. You know what?

Guys, I gotta say, when I say something, and I have to wait for like five seconds or whatever to whether to know my friends think I'm funny or not. It's so hard. Paul, I'll tell you that last week when we recorded, I'd say something and I'd wait those five seconds and then it would play to silence. So it was even worse.

It would just be like, it would be that, it would be like the anticipation and then complete zero reaction from Weiger. Paul, you, you, you froze. Oh, no, you're back. What? Did Weiger freeze? No, I'm here, I'm here.

Oh, you, Weiger, why, you're sitting there frozen like you look like you're frozen again. Oh, because I'm just so still. You're just so still. Yeah, no, I'm streaming in full frame. I got like 60 FPS here. I was going to say this, Paul. This to me is one of those things

where even the most talented people can have self-doubt because you're the funniest around and you crack everyone up consistently. And to- Oh, Jesus Christ, would you stop? To hear those insecurities, it's just like it's interesting that everyone has them. It's true. It makes me think that, it makes me think like- Well, and don't forget at the very beginning,

I had doubts about my little high school penis. That's true, you had some insecurities about your penis. Yes, let's not forget. But you have that Mondo hog. It is good to think that like, before Jack Nicholson, before Jack Nicholson does a scene or something, he's like, thinking like, I hope the scene's good. You know what I mean?

Or like Panko. Well, it sounds like you guys have pretty much tipped your hand in terms of which way you're leaning with these two menu items versus fries. Mitch, we'll go ahead. I just want to say that I think the Sausage McMuffin with eggs should be in this spot right now. You prefer that to the McGriddles. You were the dissenting vote versus me and Nicole

who chose the Sausage Egg and Cheese McGriddles over it. And I'm just going to give you a second to say if you would choose the Sausage Egg and Cheese with egg instead. I'm sorry, the Sausage McMuffin with egg. You think you would really still choose the McGriddle over the Sausage McMuffin with egg? Yes. And again, the singular of McGriddles is McGriddles. So there is no McGriddle.

Yeah, I would choose the Sausage Egg and Cheese McGriddles over the Sausage Egg and Cheese McMuffin. Or it's just the Sausage McMuffin with egg, I believe. It's the way the menu is. I think that the Sausage McMuffin with egg is the best breakfast sandwich. I actually think that I think that I think the Egg McMuffin is better than the Sausage Egg and Cheese McGriddles. Oh, we are on different planets.

Let me let me ask you this, Mitch. Are you which but that said, OK, let's say it was the Sausage McMuffin with egg. Let's say that was the competitor versus fries. Would that stand a chance against fries? I mean, look, fries are one of the best things at McDonald's. Yeah, I don't know if I don't know if it would stand. I think it would stand a better chance. Yes, but interesting.

But but yeah, no, I think that this is. I mean, look, I think I think fries are going to win right now. This this is a formality because we've all we've all made. I like the Sausage Egg and Cheese McGriddles the most of any of us. But even even here, this is this this game. There's 12 minutes left in the half in the second half. Yeah. And and they're, you know, the fries are up by 30. This isn't even a competition.

But up. But up. But up up. But up. Rise. Yeah. Paul, I feel like your delays getting better. Oh, never mind. In basketball. All right, it's time for the second final fork. Semi-soft final.

It's the one seed Coca-Cola semi-soft taking on the nine seed. I thought double cheeseburger. I didn't want to stop him before either. But that I bumped on that too much earlier when he said semi semi-soft. Is it not chocolate chips? Yeah, it's like a food. It's like I'm trying to throw more food stuff in there. There's not really an easy way to have a pun on semi.

Yeah, I related. I'm not saying I disliked it even. I just it caught my ear. It might be it might be gilding the lily. It might be a little a hat on a hat in Lorne parlance. But I don't know. I like it. Is are you can you buy McGriddles just the the like the bread, the McGriddles bread? You want to buy a loaf of McGriddles?

That is a good question. It's a very good question. That's a million dollar. Definitely. People would definitely buy a loaf of McGriddles. Yeah, I think they would buy a loaf. You go down to McDonald's to get a fresh hot loaf of McGriddles and you bring it back. Well, like the farmer's market.

Right. Yeah, I think we can make delivery. I wanted to I wanted to replace the classic image of somebody walking home from groceries with a baguette instead of it's a loaf of McGriddles. I like that a lot. So we received confirmation on one point of contention on the podcast. So we had some trolls on some subreddits who were saying that controls coaxing. We don't like the trolls. Guys, stop trolling.

I like that they go on world tours, but other than that. That's fair. But I but I want to say this. We so so one thing people have been bringing up is that they were like, oh, McDonald's doesn't have any sort of special tanks, special containers for their Coke. Their Coke is nothing special. They just get it in bags and boxes like every other chain. We got confirmation from Amelio,

AKA the undead maggot who works at a McDonald's. Thank you for your service, Amelio, and sent us pictures of his of the huge metal canisters made specifically for the Coke syrup. He says they have two 75 gallon tanks on his location. And there there is photographing evidence of these gallons. Yeah, they are they are big. They are big boys. They are big old tanks.

In fact, I can actually I think I can share my screen on this presentation so you guys can get a look at exactly the kind of the kind of tool it's here. I'm not going to I'm not going to share my dick. I've got that in a different tab and be careful not to show that I share that one. Hold on. Let me see that. He's also having the tab open. Well, I heard you share your dick. We're going to need a bigger screen.

All right, take it easy. There you guys can. Can you guys see that? Yeah. Yeah, it's a pinch out for a bigger view. It's. Yeah, they are big old. They are big. They are big giant tanks that are about looks like the size of a man. They're the height of a normal man.

I've got a coke and that's full of coke syrup. Gross. Just syrup and then they put carbonated water in there. And that's that's correct. Emilio and I are going to try to make that ourselves. I kind of like breaking bad. You're going to be like you guys like trying to steal like a heavy barrel of methylamine like rolling liquid coke.

Out of the McDonald's factory. Oh, my God. Breaking bad. What a show, huh? It started a whole new era of television. It really did. The only the only pro complain I have about with Breaking Bad is why is Skyler trying to mess everything up?

Walter White's a badass and Skyler keeps messing things up for him. Yeah, I agree. So messed up. He's just trying to. And that's. Dude, it's super messed up. Cool. Let Heisenberg be cool.

Let Heisenberg be cool. You know, I. Can you imagine if there was a Los? Can you imagine if there was a Los Polo Hermanos like restaurant for real? You said polo. You said polo like Terry Polo is that's fake, fake fast restaurants. That would be fun.

That would be fun to do. They you know, they've had some pop ups. We went to one of them with our with our buddy Paul share. We went to the saved by the Max, but the saved by the Bell pop up they did here in LA. That sucks. Well, I that's fun. That's fun.

It is a different spelling, but I did hear Terry Polo open to pop up that is. Los Polo. Right, Hermanos. Yeah, Breaking Bad. It's a kind of idea. The same concept. Yeah. And instead of two chickens on the logo, it's two Terry Polo heads.

Yeah, I did see that. But. I wonder if the chicken would be good. It was polo sermanos. Here's a good like thought experiment for the boys. Like what where do you think Los Polo sermanos falls on like the fast food chain in the world of Breaking Bad? Like, oh, that's how do we even judge that the people who are eating there and work?

I don't know. How do you even know there's a pretty clear there's a pretty clear analog with those with El Pollo Loco, rather. Yeah. But doesn't it doesn't it seem doesn't it seem kind of more like it feels to me like it's not as big as El Pollo Loco? It's a regional chain. But yeah, it's a regional chain.

It seems like it's localized to New Mexico with, you know, with a handful of locations, perhaps, perhaps across the Sun Belt. There's a few more in other states. I don't I'm not that deep into the expanded universe of this thing. And I didn't see the movie. But I will say that the El Pollo Loco is not a national chain, really. It's it's pretty local to California and Mexico. Yeah, that's true.

I heard I just think it feels like more like a specialties restaurant. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree. I also heard that Heisenberg actually went to Los Hermanos. He said, I am the one who knocks on the door. Really? So hold on. Yeah.

Heisenberg Heisenberg had to shit. So this was part of the problem. I don't know how much of the show you watch. Yeah, he ate a lot. And then also fucking Skyler wouldn't let him shit in their house. Oh, what the fuck? Skyler was like, you've got to take it to Los Palos Hermanos. You're not going to take your big, stinky Heisenberg shits in my house.

We're going to fucking hold it in. Skyler was calling him Heisenberg. Yeah. Well, I heard that Skyler, he was like, I got to go, babe, I got to go. And she went, go in your black hat. That explains a scowl. He had his own shit in his hat resting on top of his head. That's the only way he could get out of that situation.

Yeah. If there was one fast food restaurant I could eat at from the TV and movies. It would. There I have a caveat with it, though. It would 100% be Good Burger. Yes. But I wouldn't want my order. I wouldn't want my order taken by Cal.

I understand your logic. However, I kind of would want my order taken by Cal, because I think that's part of the Good Burger experience. Yeah, but then he would mess it up. He would mess it up. You know, he'd mess it up. Yeah. But then you get to see like, I went and Cal took my order and then he messed it up.

So, you know, I had that full Good Burger, you know, the way Good Burger is supposed to be had. All right, fair enough. Yeah. I don't know. That's just my, I'm not saying your thinking is invalid. I'm just saying that that's how I would approach it. Let's talk about a different sort of Good Burger. The Double Cheeseburger, as opposed to the Coca-Cola.

Double Cheeseburger, the nine seed, the lowest seed that made its way into the final fork, taking on Coca-Cola, which was a one seed in the drinks, the beverages in McCafe region, rather. Let's start here. I mean, the Coke, I know that both of you guys like, is it your favorite soda? And how do you feel about McDonald's Coke specifically? Go ahead, Cassidy. Do you guys refuse to answer?

I mean, it's almost rhetorical that Coca-Cola is tasty and good. Yeah. Sweet and yummy, sugary sweet. It's very good. It is certainly scratches an itch of nostalgia. It's a taste that like, you know, it's kind of in that fries family, I suppose, of like, there is an echelon of tastes that is, I don't know. The McDonald's, I mean, definitely have been having this conversation since high

school, like that the McDonald's mix is different or something. Like we would go to McDonald's for, for pop, for pop. Oh, I'm from Iowa. Busted soda. What? It's pop. Okay, Paul and I, we're going to, we don't, I guess that we don't have number you, but we called it pop at the time. I still call it pop.

Fuck you guys. It's okay. The, the, the, we would go there over Hardee's or, or Burger King because there was, I don't know, was there something different? Was it in our minds, but it can't be in our minds because we still think it and you guys think it and we had no contact with you then. So I guess we just proved it. Yeah.

That's my scientific analysis. Um, I will say that over, over time, drinking full Coke has, I drink a lot less, just like a full Coke. I will say I have watched Paul drink a Coke while we've been doing this. That's true. On screen. Wow. That's very true.

I saw Paul's been pounding coax. Yeah. Yeah. Paul showed off. If only it was a polar bear can. Oh, I love those wintry cans. I, Cassie, I, I met the, the polar bear in Atlanta. Yeah.

I've been to the, that Coke museum. I went to the, yeah, I met the polar bear at the Coke museum. Me and Wu Tang took a picture with him. The polar bear, uh, was, it was very, it was like, uh, it was better than like a lot of Disney, uh, mascot, like, like, like, like the face all moved. Like a Princeton stuff. It was really cool. Well, well you, Mitch, you and Emma and I went to the world of Coke

museum during the HTL when we were in hot land tap and we, we noticed the same thing. It's a very, very good mascot suit. Maybe, maybe the highlight of the experience outside of the tasting room. I was embarrassed because I like, I like started to, I started to like break down and cry when I, when I met a moig or if you remember. Yeah. And then he was, and then he was like, Hey man, stay out of my territory.

I've been guys, we, we, we, we lost Paul. We lost the Paul, Paul dropped out entirely. Yeah. Yep. Hopefully he'll rejoin in a second. Uh, he's doing it for suspense. So, so Cassidy, you also said, you said early on that the double cheeseburger is one of your favorite McDonald's menu items from childhood.

I mean, how do you feel seeing it matched up against Coca-Cola here? Well, I'm surprised that the double cheeseburger made it this far. I guess you just said, right? This is the lowest seed. Yes. Made in, um, it's like, uh, it's just like, it's, it's better, a better combination of substances, uh, ingredients, I guess is the word I should say for food, that it's, uh, the Big Mac is, is a, a singular thing.

And I like Big Macs too, but this is more satisfying the balance of meat to, uh, bun. And Weigar, I think you maybe touched on this too previously, that it's like, it's also a better balance than the double quarter pounder, which is another gray sandwich that it's like, there, it's different, uh, the condiments are a little different. I think the onions are like, the, the, like, they've got these kind of like tiny white castle style onions on the double cheeseburger.

I, I am nodding on stream, but yes, that is, that to me is the difference is that the, uh, the bun and then also the, the, the onions, the chop, they have the whole, the sliced onions that are present on the double quarter pounder with cheese and all the quarter pounder variants. And then the, the little onion, uh, the shredded, the onion piece is not shredded. They're, they're like the chopped onions. The, yes. Like you were saying, the white castle style onions that are on all of the, uh,

the double cheeseburger and the cheeseburger variants. And though that's just a better onion for me. Absolutely. Just texture wise, I, I 100% prefer it. I got, when I got this sandwich, it was like, I had it and I, cause I got McDonald's multiple times, which was largely, um, for the, you know, full of this, like when I, when I saw the competitors, I found, I took it upon myself to experience French fries from a number of different spots.

Yes. Uh, and, and delivery being the last test of them, just to like even, I don't know, even the scales a little bit or something, especially against that McGriddle's thing. Um, so I got it multiple times. The, and I only, I got the double cheeseburger the first time that I got with fries. And, and like, I looked down, I had a bite of the sandwich. It was great. And then I looked down and it was gone.

Like I ate it so fast that double cheeseburger is gone in seconds. It was so good. You know, Cassidy, the size thing is actually an issue I have with the double cheeseburger. Um, okay. I didn't know where you were going there. Um, yeah. Mitch talking size issues. I think I know what this is about.

I think I know where this is. Nick, when I, when I, when I had my meal, which was on Sunday, um, the Lord's Day, the Lord's Day, I look around, it's the Lord's Day. I started looking around for Nick. I started looking at when I, when I, when it came to my double cheeseburger, I started looking around for Nicholas Cage. You know, I, uh, why is that because it was gone in 60 seconds, Nick, my cheeseburger.

Oh yeah. You actually caught me off-guard because I thought you were going to say, I thought you were going to say, cause, cause this thing is a national treasure. Yeah, that's good too. I mean, it is also a national treasure, but it was gone in 60 seconds. It was, it was, it was, it, here's, and here's, here's my issue with it. So I got the, I got a double cheeseburger, a large fry and a large Coke. I got a meal actually.

And then I also got the sausage, I give them cheese, McGrudel. I also on top of all that got a quarter pounder with cheese, Nick. Just for fun. Just for fun. And it was my Sunday and I was eating unhealthy and this is the last time. And to me, I love that double cheeseburger. I like it so much. Um, but it's just not, it doesn't fit.

The quarter pounder with cheese feels so much more filling. And it feels like an actual, the main, it feels like the main course, the quarter pounder with cheese or the big Mac. And I think the double cheeseburger doesn't quite do it as much. It feels too tiny to me. I, I disagree. I think, yeah, I think the double cheeseburger is, is more than enough, especially if you have some sides, it's, it's a substantial,

I think it's a pretty substantial Berg. But I just, I just think about if I had it on its own, if I had it on its own too, you know, like just had, like, it wouldn't be enough. I like it, like, uh, just having the double cheeseburger all solo, that's not enough for me. It's not enough. I, yeah, I, I, I get what you're saying. I don't really feel the same way 100%.

But Paul, what are your thoughts on the, uh, the double cheeseburger and the, uh, the McDonald's Coke specifically? Oh, yes. Well, um, as far as Coca-Cola goes, I, I love Coca-Cola. It's my, it's my favorite. It's the best pop. Mm-hmm. I think the best pop is probably George Raymond Weiger, actually.

But please go on. Um, no, it's true. I was drinking of Coca-Cola here. Cause I had the McDonald's, uh, last night and, um, I didn't, uh, I knew that everybody was going to start talking about Coca-Cola and it was going to make me want to have Coca-Cola. So I had a Coca-Cola here. Wow.

It's, uh, Coca-Cola. Yeah. I think it's, it's, uh, it's a good idea to, it's, it's, it's a good idea, Coca-Cola here. Wow. It's, uh, Coca-Cola is the best. Preventative. It's really good.

It is. It is great. Yeah, preventative measure. It is great and the McDonald's Coke is so good. How about that double cheeseburg? I like the shortening of bird, by the way. I never got to tell you that. Oh, that's like how they shorten iceburger to iceberg.

Well, that was the whole problem with the Titanic is that they were all saying iceberger and it was taking too long because it's an extra syllable. That's why they crashed into it. Yeah. You know what? If I was the captain of the Titanic, it was an iceberger. I'd fucking steer right into that thing. Hey, I don't care if thousands die.

There's a burger over there. You know what? But if the iceberg was actually a burger, it would have gotten more guys to see Titanic. One of the big problems with Titanic is that there's not enough for the dudes in that movie. So if you put a big- It's a fucking chick flick. If you put a fucking big floating burger. How about a movie for men for once?

Yeah, I mean, you're going to put a scene about sketching a boob and you're going to bury it 90 minutes into your stupid movie. And then it's just a big thing of ice. But there's no like, there's no like, beers to chill in it. Oh my god. I can't pour my branded vodka down a louge into my party friend's faces. And why did they make up? Oh, never mind.

No. Paul, the double cheeseburger, what do you think? I wish there were two polar bears on the iceberg. And when the Titanic hit one of them turned to the other went, there goes the neighbor. That's a good farside. You just pitched a classic farside. No, yeah, I don't hate on the double cheeseburger. It's great.

I love the I mean, my favorite sandwich at McDonald's is the just a single cheeseburger. So it stands to reason that I would like it double. Right. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that the logic is sound. I get I think we just need to settle this and then get into our championship. Let's let's decide which is going to advance. Is it the one seed Coca-Cola or the nine seed double cheeseburger?

Is it the sweet drink or the savory burger? One of them is freaked out. What, bitch? What is it? You were just we're going too fast. Oh, my God. Do you have more to say? No, I was going too fast.

What do you mean? I was going too fast. You're going too fast. It scared me. I thought this I thought I was actually saying it slower than normal. All right, I'm ready now. This is the best, you guys. It's just the same as in person.

It's really it's so much it's actually this is actually a little bit better than when we come to Mitch's house. Okay, you started off at your own pace, Mitch. Go ahead. All right, ready. Okay. Yeah, here we go. Ready, ready.

Butta. Butta. Butta. Butta, butta, butta, butta. Coca-Cola. Double cheeseburger. Coca-Cola. It is tied.

It's a tie. It's a tie. That means we have to contact the commissioner of the Dough Boys Tournament of Champions, Evan Susser. I'm going to try to get him on the phone. Let's see what happens. He's the tiebreaker? This is tough.

I wish. He looked pretty busy there in his office. We shouldn't bother him. Yeah, he was busy getting Elvis Presley's shit stains out of that orange oval couch. Because when he visited Nixon. It's ringing. We'll see if he picks up.

Wow, this is very tense. Mitch, you are visibly probably upset. Susser. Susser, we have a tie. We need you to tie break. Wow, for the finals? Yes. No, for the final fork.

This is for the final fork. Got it. So the tie break is Coca-Cola versus Double Cheeseburger. We have a split decision, rather. Cassidy and I went Double Cheeseburger. Mitch and Paul went Coke. What do you think? Hold on.

Hold on. Don't tell me what Mitch and Paul went. OK. OK. OK, got it. You can safely infer. Go on. I made my decision.

I'm going to go Double Cheeseburger. Double Cheeseburger from the commissioner. Wow. Amazing, Susser. Thank you very much. Yeah, it is. I mean, that's true. Oh, cool.

Yeah, no good reasoning. It's very logical. That was Paul's logic as well, even though he actually voted for Coca-Cola. Thank you so much, commissioner. We'll let you get back to your busy bunker duties. Can I just say? All right, thank you.

All right, bye. Can I say, I wish he was still on the phone for this, that that just sucks. I wish that there was. Yes, you can. It just sucks. You just disagree with the decision. That just sucks.

I mean, like, I mean, like, we did all this, and then it just decided by Susser before he even hears what the other thing is. He says Double Cheeseburger. I mean, that's it. He knew what the matchup was. He knew what the matchup was. He just didn't need to hear the Coca-Cola votes

because it was very obvious for him. Shouldn't it have been someone else? I mean, I know that we're quarantined is the issue. I just feel like someone else should have broken the tie. I feel like I want to call Kroc. Grimace. Ray Kroc. Yeah, maybe Ray Kroc if he's alive.

I don't think he is actually. I think he is. Yeah, Paul, that's a good idea. We could call Grimace. Oh, Grimace might. I think I have his number here. Do you want to get Grimace on the phone? Yeah, hold on.

I'll call. Okay. Hold on. Let me get up. I have a special phone that goes just to him. It's a big purple phone. That's really cool. It's a big purple phone.

It's holding a milkshake. He's a milkshake monster. Grimace's favorite. He loves shakes. That's his origin. Okay. Here, it's ringing. Let's see if we pick up.

Hello. Hello. Hey, Grimace. Hey. Hey, buddy. Hey, I know you said I would only use this number like if it was super important. But you know the dough boys?

They can knit, yeah. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Okay. So we're doing Munch Madness. Do you know about Munch Madness? Of course, it's their play on Munch Madness. Yeah, okay, great. All right, well, we got a tiebreaker here.

And it's French fries. What's it between? Quarter pounder and Coca-Cola. It's between Coca-Cola and double cheeseburger. Very good guess, though. I mean, he's more right. And then Grimace hasn't right. Yeah, I said it wrong.

Grimace was right, as always. W-W-G-D. Okay, so Grimace, can you do the tiebreaker between Coca-Cola and the double cheeseburger at your home? You want me to break the tie? I mean, Grimace, if you can. I know that you are busy drinking a milkshake, and I don't mean to interrupt you, but if you can.

You mean, oh, Grimace, the fool, no one ever trusted? Oh, Grimace, don't say that. Hey, some of that shit cleared out of your throat, and I can hear your voice a little better now. Okay, Grimace, Mike Mitchell here. I want to ask you a quick question. Why are you purple? I love Prince.

You're like Prince, right? I think he said he likes Prince, but... Oh, I thought he meant he's... I thought he meant he's like Prince, but yeah, likes works, too. I said I love Prince! Okay, easy, easy. Oh, my God. This is how our last phone call ended.

Please calm down, Grimace, please. Okay, so can you just chime in real- I'm hereby declare Coca-Cola! Wow, oh my goodness. Okay, so now... Wow. Does that mean we're back to a tie? Now we're tied again.

I guess I gotta get the commissioner back on the phone. All right, I'm making another call to Evan Susser. We're gonna see if we can resolve this. Well, he's also supposed to settle these disputes. But he did, and then we went over his head. He did approve Grimace. We can call him a hamburger. Hello, Mr. Susser.

Hey, Susser. We have a little bit of a situation. So, everyone... Mitch was upset that Double Cheeseburger won over Coca-Cola, and asked for another tiebreaker. And we called... Cassidy called Grimace on his phone, on his purple Grimace phone. And Grimace declared that Coca-Cola was the winner.

So now we have another tie, and we're wondering how to proceed. Oh, no problem. I think for that, we have to call Mayor McCheese. I have a cheese phone, so I'll call him. Okay, Susser's gonna get Mayor McCheese on. Can you hold on? Yeah, we can hold on. I mean, yeah, for Mayor McCheese, of course we'll hold.

You know what I'm really liking right now is that Mayor McCheese is doing those daily coronavirus updates. And he's really... He's just really taking command up there. He's showing PowerPoint slides. He's got a panel of experts. It just really makes you feel like he's in charge of the situation. I wish he was president.

I wish he was president. Well, very expectably, Mayor McCheese... He went with the Double Cheeseburger. Wow. Wow, Mayor McCheese went with the Double Cheeseburger. Thank you, Commissioner. Okay, I guess that settles it. We'll talk to you later.

I mean, I think it's... Hi, I'm sure Mitch is not complaining anymore. He's okay with that. Yeah, Mitch, you're good, right? If Mayor McCheese isn't, I'm fine with it. Okay, great. We're progressing. Thank you, Susser.

But also, Wiger didn't... I just really want to quick up point out that just like an off-air phone call with Mayor McCheese, I don't know. I don't know. Did it happen? I wonder the same thing, Cassie. Seems as fishy as their filets. I think we just have to take it on faith.

So our championship match is set. It will be burger versus fries. Main versus side. Which one do we think will prevail? The winner of the burgers and chicken region versus the winner of the sweets and treats and sides and more region. But before we do that, yes. I was going to say, well, isn't Mayor McCheese like a big proponent of everyone

going back to work in 15 days? Well, yeah, he kind of put an Easter deadline up, which was... He had that chart up that was balancing. It was like a fulcrum and it was like saving lives on one end and then economic success on the other end. And then the title was just difficult to solve. I noticed that Mayor McCheese has been retweeting the mayor from Jaws a lot recently and his policies.

Yeah, that guy's still in office. It's weird. He's had quite a tenure there. I think it's because he has little anchors on his suit. It's really hard. He's kind of Teflon as a result. No one can really attack him on anything. If the mayor from Jaws is on Twitter, is Bruce the Shark also on Twitter?

Yes, he is. He is, but he's one of those guys who's got someone tweeting for him. He like pays like a young stand up to write jokes for him and you can tell it's not him. Mitch, before we settle on the chompionship, we have to decide who wins the heart of a chompion. Who gets this special award, this miscongeniality award, if you will, for their performance in this tournament. We talked about Tom Brady, we talked about Hot Fudge Sunday, we talked about Hash Browns.

I'll throw in McDonald's coffee. I think we have to throw in Dick and Mack McDonald, the founders of McDonald's. You know what I said, Weigher, too, at one point. I think Ray Krock should be nominated. I think Ray Krock. He should be nominated along with the founders of McDonald's, and maybe should win over them just because that's how things go. But I said that the American teams.

McDonald's American cheese is really, really solid. That's how things go. McDonald's American cheese. I think McDonald's American cheese. I forget, I think we also talked about other stuff. So we talked about specifically the McDonald's, the apocalyptic McDonald's across the straight from the now shuttered UCB Sunset Theater. That's right, that's right.

That is a very high volume McDonald's. So Commissioner Susser is rejoining the Zoom call. I think he's outside. Guys, are you outside? Where is Susser? I got a call from Ronald McDonald himself. Wow. Oh my God.

And he says Coke is in. So it's another tie. This is really tough. I don't know what to do here. How do you know Ronald McDonald? Yeah. All right, well, I'll leave you guys to figure it out. Okay.

Susser, can I just say quickly that that was very helpful? Great, I'm glad. Okay, how do I turn this up? That's how every phone call should end. How do I turn this up? Susser's so loud. Ronald McDonald. So we're back in a tie?

He's so funny. We're back in a tie. Ronald's a clown. He's been discontinued. Ronald's a clown. Yeah, Ronald's a clown. His vote doesn't count. I think that's fine.

Boy, imagine the halls of Congress if clowns couldn't vote. There'd be no one there. It would be a vacant building. Yeah, I agree. I think that. I do think that Senator Bubbles would still be representing. Senator Bubbles is a stalwart defender of progressive causes. We do want him in there.

Mitch, I think the winner of this year's Heart of a Chompion is actually Crystal Clear. And it's not Ronald. It's not Mayor McCheese. It's the character we got on the phone first, Grimus. Grimus. Wow. Wow.

I like Grimus. He's really great. Yeah, he's really great. Grimus, do I have anything to get on the phone again? If he wins, I think Grimus should come on the phone. I think, I told you that at my birthday party, my friends chased away Grimus and it was a very sad thing for me.

I wonder if he remembers that. Can we get him back on the phone? He's busting out his purple Grimus phone. Well, the thing about this purple phone is all the numbers are wet and squishy. So it's hard to tell. Oh, that's a challenge, yeah. It's like nine little sponges, yeah.

Why is that? Is Grimus himself wet? Yeah, what? Yeah, yeah. That's something that people don't understand about Grimus is that he's sopping wet. I also heard that Grimus, okay. Grimus?

Hello? Grimus? He's there, hi Grimus. Whoops. Oh, the phone slipped out of my hand. It's so wet. Yeah, we didn't realize that about you. Yeah, we didn't know that you were wet.

I'm all wet all the time. I'm wet all the time. Grimus, we have exciting news for you. You are the winner of this year's Heart of a Chompion award. You have the Heart of a Chompion. Hold on a second, what? We didn't vote on this? I thought you said that's what we're gonna do.

We're gonna call him to tell him. I mean, like Happy Meals were... All right, go ahead, Grimus. Thank you, bye. Oh boy, he really didn't care at all. That's who you gave it to. You gave it to a guy who didn't even care, Weiger. Yeah, you know what?

Now I want to take it back. I don't think that's... I don't think there's a good pick. He seems like it didn't faze him at all. I don't know. I think Grimus might not be in a great place right now. Why? Can I just tell you my...

With this whole COVID thing? Yeah. I want to tell you my whole... Besides American cheese, I just want to tell you my nominee. Can I tell you? Yes. Happy Meals, the American cheese, Happy Meals. Like my grandfather threw in the fireplace when I was a boy.

And then, you know, we always said that we'd let Harris do it. His order of a double cheeseburger. That's a good heart of a champion, but he's dead. So that's sad, kind of maybe. So I'd say my final three. Was Harris a double cheeseburger or two cheeseburgers? I feel like he was a two cheeseburger. He did a two cheeseburger meal.

But look, my final three are Armin, Tom Brady. Armin is one previously. This would be the first two-time winner of the Heart of a John. Armin, Tom Brady. Armin, Tom Brady, and Grimus. Those are my three. Is Armin, Tom Brady, or Grimus? Wow.

Okay, just humor me for a second. What are we deciding right now? This is the heart of a champion. This is the not the winner of the tournament, but one who deserves special commendation. If you think of the... Armin. Yeah, I mean, well, Armin appeared on an episode

and told us that his favorite food for McDonald's is chicken McNuggets. That's very brave. So I guess, yeah, it was big of him. Nick, I think that we should do it in the classic way and say ba-da-ba-ba-ba and say who our heart of the champion is. And we're picking from your three finalists? Oh, no, I think you can pick whoever you want. Well, then there's no way this is going to work out.

Come on, Nick. Yes, it will. It'll work out perfectly. We can say whatever we want on the count of three. I'm going to say, Mitch, it's Armin's year again. I think Armin Weitzman. No, let's ba-da-ba-ba-ba. I'm going to say Armin after we say that.

You're going to say Armin? Yeah. Well, now if we don't say Armin now, this is fucked up. No, you guys can say whatever you want. All right, here we go. Not now. You said you're saying Armin. Oh, well, don't let that bias you.

I might not say Armin. Well, it has. I might not say Armin. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Grimace. Armin. Armin. Grimace.

It's a tie. All right, fine, it's Grimace. It's Grimace. It's Grimace has it. We already congratulated him. This is all unnecessary. Hey, Grimace takes it. Grimace has the heart of a champion.

Sorry, Armin. You came close. He gets second place. Well, Grimace probably foresaw this with his slippery wet foresight. He's oiled up and ready to get out of there. It's time for our choppy and chip match. We're going to decide which menu item

we are sending to the Burger King to travel back in time to give to Harriet Tubman and then give to Morgan Sperlock, who makes a pro McDonald's version of Super Size Me that eradicates coronavirus and also he gets shrunk down to tiny size. We're going to see who wins the Dave Thomas Cup right now.

The contenders, double cheeseburger, the nine seed, fries the one seed. I don't know. Do you know sometimes I have bad circulation. So sometimes I have like Grimace looking feet. My feet will be a little purple. Oh boy. I have bad circulation, but it manifests it.

Everybody's frozen. I have white. I get like white extremities. I get like super white. Oh, you look like a white walker. Yeah. Well, no white walkers are blue. I'm less, I'm more like pale, like super duper pale white.

Like the, yeah, I guess more like the vampires from the Will Smith vampire movie. Yeah, like the, yeah, the, I am legend vampires. Yes. Or like a classic sheet ghost. Or like a, or like a Casper, you know, like one of those. I got, what more needs to be said on fries versus double cheeseburger?

I feel like we just needed to crown a champion, Mitch. What do you think? I'm going to say this. It's, this is a very, very hard decision. I mean, if Coke was in this spot, Coke could win it all too. But I'm going to say this. I think that they're, one of these things is the best thing maybe in all of fast food.

So. Well, I think, well, I think I know what you're talking about. A very cloaked statement. I'm going to say that, that the, the double cheese, the double cheeseburger is outstanding. That's an excellent burger. And it's a very, very good fast food burger. It is.

And I think it deserves its place. But you know what, when I think I'm like, like my worst nightmare would be that some, one of these food items would go home with hurt feelings from this. That's, that is true. I agree with that. There are no losers here.

I want to say this, Nick. When it comes to thinking about McDonald's, there's a thing you think about. It's true. There's things, there's things you think about and there's things that don't come to your mind right away. But anyways, shoot. Do you guys have any final thoughts

before we say this year's winner? What? Do you guys have any thoughts before we say, before we announce this year's winner? Do you guys have any final thoughts? Any final sauce? Do you have any final sauce? Do you have any final sauce before we announce this year's winner?

Paul? No, that you said it great. I think we just gotta put a bullet in it. We just gotta do it. All right, here we go. Train wreck, okay, here we go. Hold on, I think we, I think we should, I think we should all be on the,

I think we should all be on the same page. Okay. So, so I think we should do, I think we should count down from three and then say, Okay, we'll see if this works out. Okay, ready? That's great. Yes.

Three, three, three, two, one. Puh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. Fries, fries. This is ridiculous. Wow. Wow. Three, three. Takes it, I don't know what.

Fries takes it, congratulations to Fry's, the winner of this year's Dave Thomas cup. I don't know if that will sound like- You are on a journey in this edit, but man, that was insane in my experience. What a moment, what a moment for Fry's and for the McDonald's. The drink is sipped, and there you are.

You're eating for your life, you're a chewing star in all the years, no one knows. Just how much you ate, but now it shows. In one dining dormant, it's all on the line. One dining dormant, flashbrows in in time. But lunch is short, and the road is long. In the chewing of a mouth, all that dormant's gone. And when it's done, fork or spoon,

you always did your best, because inside you chew. That one dining dormant, put me inside. One dining dormant, you chew, you were alive. In your heart, feed the fries in your face. It's more than a restaurant, it's more than a chain. So there's a lengthy guitar solo here. I decided to do- This is your longest parody ever.

I probably could have gone just the first verse, but I decided to just go on and do the whole song. But who has it so hard? Oh, tears are streaming down my face. Fork or spoon, you always did your best, because inside you chew. That one dining dormant, you reach for the fries. One dining dormant, you chew. One dining dormant, you're willing to fry.

One dining dormant, you chew. This sucks. One dining dormant. Wow. I couldn't hear you. Why, that was awesome, man. That was so funny. That's the best.

The chewing of a mouth. What a moment, what a thing that just happened there. Fries proving itself, the top McDonald's menu item. One dining dormant. One dining dormant, yeah. It's such a fucking mouthful already. It's difficult, I should have gone down an octave, and I didn't realize that until I got to the last verse.

But you know, I should have practiced a little bit more times. Hey, just like a restaurant, I want your feedback. I would just want to say that my favorite parts of that were when the music fell out and you were just singing solo. Oh, I didn't realize the music was falling out. I'm sorry. It was really good. Okay, well, I think people will hear on the record,

well, I think we'll mix it where, Emma will do her magic and the music will be there the whole time. Hey, Wikes. Yes. Great job in another tournament, my friend. Great ending. Great job to you. I think the right winner was crowned.

I think the correct McDonald's menu item was acknowledged as the best McDonald's menu item. Was it unanimous that everyone vote fries? I believe so. Paul, Paul, did you say anything? I said french fries and John Cusack. And John Cusack, got it. Wow, I guess that's now, I guess it's canon

that it's John Cusack and French fries. John Cusack, the runner up. Just like a restaurant you value your feedback. Let's open up the feedback. Today's email comes from Lucy. Lucy writes, I've been enjoying the McDonald's much madness this year. So Lucy wrote Charlie Brown's catchphrase. Oh man.

Lucy's email reads, I've been enjoying the McDonald's, I've been enjoying the McDonald's much madness this year and it has me thinking a lot about my grandpa who opened the first McDonald's in the American South, Memphis in the early 60s. He went on to become a big shot franchisee at one point, owed 40 stores from Missouri down to Louisiana. I have a lot of stories I can tell you about my family McDonald's

but my one favorite is that my grandma helped develop the McRib and never once ate one. Nor would she let our grandkids eat them. Us grandkids eat them. My grandma once took a bite of one for a commercial and then immediately spit it out. You draw your own conclusions there. After Papa died, we ended up with a lot of cool

McDonald's paraphernalia around the house. My favorite is a gold singet ring with the golden arches and a diamond set in the corner which the company gave Papa for 20 years in the biz. My dad wears it every day. My question for the pod is if you could have any kind of fancy bling from your favorite chain restaurant, what would it be?

So this is the question, fancy bling from a chain restaurant, what would you like to have? And then she also adds, if you read this on the pod, please plug me and my friend Zach's fast food review scene, woo woo woo, which is available free on lucyasadorah.tumblr.com. That's woo woo woo, lucyasadorah.tumblr.com. Wow. Bling from a fast food restaurant, Mitch,

I know you're a huge Taco Bell fan. Would you go that direction? I don't know what I would get, like what sort of bling I would get from Taco Bell. Get a gold bell. A gold bell, there you go. A gold bell is pretty good. That's good.

And you can bring it when it's time for dinner. Yeah, like a dinner bell. I think I would want a bronzed Dave Tom, like a Dave Thomas, not himself, I don't want him bronzed, but like a statue. Like a bust. A bust. Well, you know what?

I already know what my bling is that I would get. It's not the Dave Thomas statue that takes up too much space. It's something I already have, Nick, a Big Mac coin. Well, so it's something you have. You don't need anything else. The Big Mac coin. I got a Big Mac coin. I got a Big Mac coin when they were doing when they were when they were

when they were getting those when they were giving out Big Mac coins. And I think if I stop saying Big Mac. Big Mac coin, Big Mac coin. A Big Mac coin, Big Mac coin. When they were when they were doing the promotional, when they were giving out coins for Big Macs back. Good. Yes.

A few a few years back, I got a I got a Big Mac coin and I and I wish I had the original the first the first decade Big Mac coin, Nick, which I think you have. Yes. But besides that, I don't know if I don't think I don't know any other bling I would need and I don't like the word bling, but I don't know if there's anything else I would need. We're not big jewelry wearers. You and I, but I do I have thought about getting a necklace because I do like a necklace.

I think that's a fun accessory. I don't have any piercings. But I could, you know, so I guess my options are watch. I don't know if tennis bracelets, I feel like like aren't normally I think when watch. Yeah, men sometimes wear tennis bracelets. That's great. Yeah, maybe a watch.

I think I maybe want like some sort of I wouldn't mind a kind of because I think the best version is something that's inconspicuous that it's like you have to kind of look for it to see the detail like my Taco Bell Xbox one that I have, it looks like a normal Xbox one. But when you turn it on the boot up sound is the Taco Bell Bell, the ding, the dong. Really? Yeah. That's cool.

But that is cool. But other than that, you're saying, oh, that's your Xbox. Right. Yeah. And so I'm saying that that's like something that's not that isn't super ostentatious. So I would say I like an in and out like a nice in and out watch like something that I could wear, you know, like a nice silver watch that had the in and out sort of logo,

maybe that little arrow, that crooked arrow is the hour hand or something like that. Oh, yeah. That's great. Or it could be even both just like at like the minute and the hour hand could be yellow like that and not at the at the times that it hits the angle of the sign, like a special alert could go off and you could look at your watch. Oh, that's fun. I like it.

Wiger, I got a question with this. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Wiger, I have a question. Would a would a would a Wendy's real doll count as bling? I don't think it's solid gold. Yeah, it depends on if it's made of metal or if it's made of tip typical real doll material.

All right. Sure. If it was made of metal, fine. A Wendy's, a Wendy's real doll made of gold, made of tin. All right, Paul and Paul and Cassie, do you guys have do you guys have an answer? No. Wait, what's your answer? A solid gold Wendy doll?

No, it's still Big Mac coin. I was just being silly. Okay, because okay, it's Big Mac coin. Do you want some Big Mac coin? Big Mac coin. Big Mac coin is the answer. Big Mac coin. And you guys can also choose Big Mac coin if you'd like.

No, I do Big Mac coin. Well, this is where I pass, split my friend. I think I would take like not a Wendy doll, but just one of Wendy's braids in solid gold that I could attach to the side of my head. So it looks like I have one just solid gold braid coming out. Right. That's good. Very fifth element.

I like that. Yeah, like fifth element, exactly. Paul, do you have an answer? A tiara from Hardee's. Hey, Nick. Yes. I think. This was so perfunctory.

Oh my God. Nick, you know what? I have a place where we should go to get all this stuff. Yes. We should go see Howard Ratner. From Uncut Gems. We should go see Howard Ratner. From Uncut Gems.

Yes, Howard. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Don't leave it on the glass. I didn't know the character's name. Adam Sandler's character in Uncut Gems. Yeah, that's what we should go there.

When we get the, I mean, you already have your Big Mac coins, so I don't think there's anything for you to do. But maybe I'll have there something I can, maybe KG will be there. I can get his autograph, even better. Dude, you know, think, speaking of fast food, like coins, this, I didn't say this earlier, but when we were talking about the McDonald's hash brown, those hash brown, those hash rounds that they have, they had those in Hardee's when we were growing up. Aren't those better?

Aren't there so much more? I like them in a round. Boy, I disagree. I take the McDonald's hash brown, the whole, the full oval over the small circles. I agree with Wyver. Full iPhone for small coins. Well, we don't need to rehash. I don't, I just dug us back into this pit.

I'm sorry. No, no, I'm glad you brought it up because I didn't realize that was an opinion some people had, but I think either way, they're losing out to the lines this year's champion. If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at doughboyspodcast at gmail.com or leave us a voicemail at 830-go-do. That's 830-463-6844 to get the Doughboys double our weekly bonus episode, join the Golden or Platinum Plate Club at patreon.com slash Doughboys. Just so everyone who's listening out there knows, because this is our first full episode

back since the quarantine began, we're going to continue putting out Doughboys, Doughboys double every Tuesday and our regular Doughboys episode every Thursday. Those are going to keep coming. They'll be a little different than normal. They'll be recorded like this, but we're going to keep putting out that content for you. So that will be in your ears. Michael Denucacity, Paul Rest, Don't Stop or We'll Die. Anything you guys would like to plug?

Just go wear it at Don't Stop or We'll Die on Instagram. I don't know. What can we say? We're cooking up goodies for you all the time. Yeah, and our latest was like a five-song EP called Diamond Skies Over Western Dreams, and it's fun, funny music. Check it out. Yeah, find us on Spotify and Insta and...

Hell. Facebook. Yeah. In Hell. I thought you meant Hell itself. Yeah, me too. Yeah, you can find us in Hell in a few moments. And thanks also, Joe Boyz, for making three of my last 10 meals McDonald's.

My last, you mean final. Yeah, my final meals. I want to say, Weigher, I want to congratulate all the participants in the tournament and all of our guests that have been on to help us through this. I want to say that this didn't end exactly how we had planned. We had planned on actually going to the original McDonald's because of everything that's going on. We couldn't do that, obviously.

But also, McDonald's should pay its employees sick leave. It's something that we didn't talk about. That's kind of problematic on their end. Yeah, I mentioned it in the intro, but you're right to bring it up again. 78% of McDonald's workers have no paid sick leave, which is despicable. It is a number that's on par for the remainder of the food service industry, but it is something that comes down to these corporations suck. And that's the challenge of doing this podcast is that,

Of course. Yeah, this is a celebration of McDonald's. But McDonald's is a corporation, fucking sucks. Their whole board can get fucked. They're all fucking awful people. However, it's the workers who make the company what it is. And so anyone who works for McDonald's, anyone who is in the kitchen, back in the house, anyone who's there working the cashier, anyone who's doing deliveries,

working anywhere in the supply chain for McDonald's or any of these restaurants. Thank you guys as always for your service. Well, that's what I was just about to say. That yesterday when I went to get the food there, I thanked the guy at the window who helped me out with the order. And that's been kind of cool to see people helping in these weird circumstances. But also, I wanted to say just thank you to all the listeners and to say safe. And even though this didn't end exactly how we had anticipated,

it ended with us having two of the funniest people come on and guess with us. So thank you guys for being here. We appreciate it. Well, there's no one we'd rather have. We planned out the whole month at the stop in terms of who we'd want to book for the show. We got every one we wanted. And you guys, we always wonder for the finale. We're so happy that you guys joined us.

Two of the funniest people on Earth. To our favorite Terry. And God bless you both. That's very flattering. And it's so awesome to echo what I said earlier. You did thank you so much. Yeah, thank you. Thank you guys.

And go Doughboys. Yeah, team Doughboys. Wow. We love you guys. Oh, I was also going to say when you were like, oh, that's the problem. We celebrate these things, but they're corporations and they fucking suck. You know, I love always that Doughboys can't be bought. You guys have never.

That's awesome. But it reminded me when we started the thing and we were going to insert the jingle and edited it later. Weger was like, okay, so just pretend that we put in the jingle or the song here. And when it started, I was like, okay, I guess we're going to have to pretend that we just heard it. And then Weger made a whole joke about how we were being phony and it wasn't really, we didn't hear it.

And I just got to say, guys, the Doughboys are all about integrity. That's right. You're keeping it real. I love it. Well, we love, we love you guys and thank you for being two of the funniest people on earth. And thank you for being a part of this episode and being part of the Doughboys expanded universe in all the ways that you, that you both help out.

And hey, that'll do it for this episode. Stay safe. Go ahead, Wags. Oh, I was just going to sign off, but yeah, you say stay safe. And hey, that'll do it for this episode of Doughboys until next time for the Spoonman Mike Mitchell. I'm Nick Weiger. Happy eating.

See ya. Squish. Sources for this week's intro are available in the episode description. That was a hate gum podcast.