Doughboys - Munch Madness: McDonald's - Round of 64 with Jon Gabrus

Episode Date: March 5, 2020

The Fifth Annual Tournament of Chompions begins as Doughboys favorite Jon Gabrus (High & Mighty, ActionBoyz) returns for the first round of Munch Madness: Mac Attack. Tournament commissioner Evan Susser (Fist Fight, Brooklyn Nine-Nine) joins to oversee and officiate as Gabrus and the ‘boys taste and judge 64 McDonald’s menu items.Sources for this week's intro:Under the Golden Arches: McDonald’s Logos through The Yearshttps://www.thedailymeal.com/under-golden-arches-mcdonald-s-logos-through-years?ampMcDonald’s Speedee: Down to just two . . .https://www.burgerweb.com/mcdonalds-speedee-just-two/McDonald's: 60 years, billions servedhttps://www.chicagotribune.com/business/chi-mcdonalds-60-years-20150415-story.htmlMcDonald's Corporationhttps://www.referenceforbusiness.com/businesses/M-Z/McDonald-s-Corporation.htmlThe tragic real-life story of the McDonald brothershttps://www.mashed.com/147897/the-tragic-real-life-story-of-the-mcdonald-brothers/The Founder (2017)http://www.historyvshollywood.com/reelfaces/founder/How Ray Kroc Became an American Villainhttps://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2017/01/ray-kroc-mcdonalds-america/514538/McDonalds Website: Our Historyhttps://www.mcdonalds.com/us/en-us/about-us/our-history.htmlWant more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Back before Ronald, back before even the golden arches, there was Speedy, a chef with a hamburger for a head who served as the mascot for a San Bernardino fast food stand founded by two brothers named Dick and Mack. Those brothers who gave their stand their last name would see their small chain grow into an international juggernaut by partnering with a traveling salesman turned franchising pioneer named Ray Kroc. But that partnership and expansion would be a puric victory for Dick and Mack, who would have their creation rested from them, Mark Zuckerberg style, in a back channel business

transaction that left them with pennies on the dollar. Today, Speedy has basically been erased, as have the brothers themselves. The official corporate history of this restaurant they started is titled the Ray Kroc Story. All Dick and Mack got out of the deal was their surname on the sign. But that name has become the biggest brand in food service and one of the biggest brands in the world, period. And while Ray Kroc is a little known bit of fast food trivia for weird nerds, the family name of brothers Dick and Mack is right up there with Google, Visa, and Nike.

And so all this month, we honor the legacy of these brothers and their dearly departed Speedy, as our fifth annual Tournament of Chompians spans the entire menu of McDonald's. This week on Doughboys, our quest to determine the single best McDonald's menu item begins. It's the round of 64 of Munch Madness 2020, the Tournament of Chompians, Mack Attack. Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger, across from my co-host, Bernays Sanders, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. I like that one. I like that one.

It was from Remaniac. That was a nice, you know. Oh, Remaniac. A lot of, you know, Remaniac? Who doesn't know Remaniac? I haven't met Remaniac IRL yet. Right. But someday.

Somedays. The, I like that, you know, you get a lot of like Bernie, Colonel Sanders or some very in Bernays Sanders, a nice little twist on that. You might be here. You might hear what sounds like raccoons going through trash, but I assure you it's our guest finishing off an insane 64 items. We had a lot of food to eat for this week's episode. Why?

Yes. It was maybe the toughest week in Doughboys history. It was. I mean, we've had more challenging weeks, more fraught weeks emotionally. Yeah. This week was pretty tough. Digestively. My chest hurts for real.

I had, I also had three auditions this week, which never happens. And I was just going to auditions and going to McDonald's. It was a true hell. Yeah. It was awful. Can I, can I tell you something? What's that? This might upset you.

Oh, by the way, roastspoom.net at gmail.com. If you're an insult, you know what's crazy is that I auditioned for the thing and then literally three days later, I'm like fatter than they even remember seeing me. So you get a call back. Yeah. Who the fuck is this fat ass? Anyway, did someone call back Harry Knowles? Piece of shit.

I want to say, and this is contrary to what you're saying. I'm having the time of my life. Look, I fucking love like I've eaten so much McDonald's and I've gone. I've taken it broken up into a bunch of small trips. I've loved it. This is not fair because I too. I am loving it. Yes, I am loving it.

We're loving it. But also go ahead. We're loving it. We're loving it. I mean, it is great. It reminds me of how great McDonald's is. It's a lot of food. It's a lot of food.

It is. It is. It is. I've went to McDonald's three days in a row and I've ordered like over $50 every day and in multiple trips while I'm there that day. I had a day I took, I think, three or four separate trips to McDonald's and it's so much food. But I've been breaking it up into smaller increments.

This is what I've been doing. Also, we did it over the course of three days. That's true. We figured it out on Monday night, Tuesday, Wednesday, today is Thursday. We had a time. Look, I was working up until we went to Vancouver for our live show. We didn't have a lot of time to brainstorm how the tournament was actually going to work. So when we finally got down to brass tacks, it happened pretty quickly.

We had to eat a lot of food in a hurry. Our guest again is eating it right now. But I just want to say for the listeners, it's Fat Boy Fantasy Camp. I'm loving it. Sorry. Keep going. I've begged you to do a healthy month. My meals.

I got my healthy meal sent here. I told you my mom cried to me last month and told me that she was afraid that she would outlive me. Yeah. But yet here we are. It's a good bet. I'll take those eyes. You can't put money on it in fucking Vegas.

Watch me. But here we are doing maybe our craziest, much madness yet. Yeah. To the whole Spoon Nation, also Team Croc all the way. You're pro croc, pro croc. And here's a little drop from our boy, Shampooodler. One time off, not publicly, I was like, Wiger, what is with the Minions thing? Is it like ironic or do you really like the Minions?

And he was like, I really like the Minions. I was like, I think your brain has been twisted so deeply at this point. Wow. That's from our friend Shampooodler. That was Jack Allison's voice, I believe. Yes. It's weird to get lectured. Oh, weird.

I muted him. Oh, so you don't hear him in real life either. It's weird to get lectured on being poisoned by irony from Jack Allison. Maybe the most irony poisoned man alive. Which I think says something, you should look in the mirror. Okay. I've been the good guy the whole time. Oh, boy, here we go.

Here we fucking go. What? Let's introduce our guest. You're annoyed with me this week? You're being, you're meddling me a little bit. Yeah. You're getting on my nerves. Can we turn this into a fucking comedy show for once?

It's about to become one. Hey. Yes. You've been too annoyed with me this week. That's why I lay into you more. Can I just address that the reason we were recording today, as opposed to yesterday, we were originally going to record two episodes in a row. Yeah, according to my eye, Cal, I remember yesterday we were booked.

We moved everything in a hurry. Emma is out of town, so I booked Stephen Ray Morris who's here. Hi, Stephen. Hi. Great to have him back. Great, dude. We scrambled to do all that so that you could attend a dinner last night that you bailed on.

That is that first of all, first of all, reduce me, you fucking coward. All right. Hold on. First of all, that is true. That is true. But I also got an audition in that time, which is more important than either. Yes. That's fine.

And also on top of that, I said first and foremost, the most important thing is the food. There was too much food. I couldn't have eaten it all yesterday. It was literally impossible. It would have been a little bit of a challenge. I told you that I get meals. We could have gotten it done.

Before this thing started, I told you I'm on my diet meals, and I have to eat fucking 3,000 calories of McDonald's every day during lunchtime. I at least want to eat healthy dinners. So that's why we didn't do last night. You piece of shit. It wasn't just that. It was just that. It wasn't just that.

It was just that. I wasn't going to get anything to eat with them. Fuck you. You know what? I'm going to fucking beat this shit out of you. It's going to happen. This is the month where you actually take your... I'm going to fight you.

You'll unleash your fists on me. Yeah. I'd like to see you try. Like today, when I'm here, you fucking bitch, I'm busy. Our guest is an actor and comedian and a Doughboyz favorite, host of the podcast, High and Mighty, great podcast, raised by TV, great podcast, Action Boys, one of my personal favorite podcasts. John Gabrus is here.

Hi, Gabrus. Hi, Weiger. Hi, Mitch. Thanks for having me, guys. What a treat. Hold on. What are you going to do? Because no one would rather have for this.

That's true. And also, no one else would really do this. So, as I was saying over the, you know, because this asking me to do your show is over 72 hours of constant texting, due to arranging, I agree to something, I have no idea of truly what it is. And as it unfolds, I'm getting fucking cut and pastes from someone's notes app. I'm getting last minute switch ups. I'm getting fucking...

That is true. Oh, hey, just as a heads up, thanks for agreeing to do this show separately on your own. Can you make a McDonald's run? I think you've been trying to avoid doing for the last decade of your life. Well, now you're falling into my camp a little bit. But no, and then this is where I want to say, but if you asked anyone else, I would have been absolutely furious. But I truly, I said to you guys, this is the dumbest idea, I hate that I have to be part

of it, but I'm so happy to be here. You will be the only person that has to eat all 64 of these items, besides Nick and I. And Susser maybe got close. Nick, it's going to be a good tournament. It's going to be a great tournament. We're going to start off on a good foot. Yes, for sure. Thank you for moving.

I had an audition and I got to eat all the food today. So it was a good move. It worked out fine. It worked out better for me as well. There we go. I'm glad it worked out. Hey, I gave her someone to ask you before we get into what we're going to do with the bulk of the episode.

Yeah, we're going to say. It's fun to be mean to each other. Yeah, yeah. And I guess if someone who's also a listener of this podcast, take a fucking couple episodes off. When you said that I was going to fight Weigher, you said you'd be the does that mean that you would beat me up no matter the outcome? I wouldn't let it happen.

I would have to establish alphadome, alphadome enough to just whoop your ass. I'll turn out deck, Stevie, I'll deck fucking Susser. I'll kick a cat. I'm winning the whole fucking thing. It's not a battle between all of us. Oh yeah. If you swing on Nick, that's permission. It turns into a power stone all of a sudden.

You're going to fucking battle Royale. That means that you include Wally into the fucking tournament. No, Wally safe. It's Irma's fuck. I'm going to fuck. I'll be like, you puke. All right, let's go bitch. Don't put the one for Irma.

She's so sweet. Fine. Wally is the one I kick. No, no, I'm not happy with either. I've never seen you. You've always like threatened to be alpha with me, but I've never had you actually like hold me to the ground and be like, I'm going to kick your ass. All right.

Hey, the night's a puppy. If I get any more of this fucking beef in me, I'm going to fucking be choking you out. Just to come. He passed out and he's fucking rock hard. All right. It's going to be fun. It's going to be fun. We're having a great time.

This week was, this was hard. I love it too. I love McDonald's. Yes. I love it. We've established we're loving it. It was, it was, it was, it was, it was very hard this week with it. Like you just, you looked insane.

Can I, can I say one thing? Didn't you look insane? I ordered like seven drinks. Yes. You look insane when you go in there and you're ordering. I'm humiliated by the order I made Tuesday night, which was Tuesday night at 11 after going out for dollar oysters and dollar tacos. Cause that's when I was under the impression that we were getting together to talk about

the McDonald's items, not trying every single one of them starting on my own days in advance. Well, this was a wider thing. I woke up on Tuesday morning and he said that he already did the quarter of the bracket. I was up. I had a window before I had a doctor's appointment that day that I'd scheduled because I had been working for months and I finally had a window for that. Oh wow. You've been working for months.

No, I'm saying this fucking $200,000. I'm saying I got, what? What did you say? Where did that figure come from? I've heard. You've heard? Yeah. I googled my Liger network.

I googled Liger network. If you look up anyone's it's so inflated. It'll be like, oh, uh, Noel Wells net worth $400 million. And you're like, this, whoever writes this doesn't know how entertainment works. They're always like taking huge leaps. Nick Weigert net worth. Hmm. It's not listed.

I'm on the CIA website all of a sudden. My phone is being shut down remotely from Washington DC. I had a window in the morning. There was only time I had free that day. So I was like, I better get some of this food. I have no problem with it. I better eat a bunch of McDonald's before I get to the doctor. Where he literally tells me, stop doing this.

He literally took me off my anti-anxiety medication because I'd gained too much weight. And you already got a fucking duffel bag of McDonald's with you. Wait, when did he take you off your medication? Like recently. But like he, like this was a check day. What day? I need a day. I would, I've been weaning, getting weaned off of it.

I'd half the dosage for like a month to kind of wean myself off of it. And then I like, I was out of it within the past week. And then I had to follow up appointment this past Tuesday. So this past week, when you and I were butting heads, I think we should get you back on this, double it up. It's been, it's been, we've been doing doubling up. Just listen to me. Just listen to me.

Yes. Doubling up your medication one will maybe make us get along twice as good. No, how about you try a little fucking dose yourself? No, hold on a second. I double up his medication. We get along twice as well. And you get twice as fat. You get fatter than me.

Okay. I don't like the side effect. By the way, for the last five minutes, I forgot I was on this project. I've been sitting here just eating the food items in front of me, listening to you guys talk to each other. I'm like, why is this so boring? We're recording this.

I literally was like, I'm so bored. What are they talking about? It's not like everything was hunky-dory when I was taking this medication for a year. You were doing great. But we weren't, it looks like we never had a point of conflict. Come back to the chub side. Be fat again. I was going to say,

because you were complaining about what this was doing to your body, and I understand it's a lot of food. But I also asked you, the other day, I was like, have you had any fruits or vegetables today? Fuck no. What the fuck? That was your reply. I'm just saying, I've been trying to mitigate this by having a handful of berries

or a little salad with a balsamic dressing that I made for myself. I have my healthy meals at night. You have your healthy meals at night? Yeah. Okay. 11 to midnight. I don't have fruit in my house. It's a rule.

Let's start talking about McDonald's. Gables, I wanted to ask generally, are you a Mickey D's fan? I'm a Mickey D's fan, but I will say I never choose it anymore. Interesting. I've always been a fan of McDonald's, love McDonald's breakfast like any normal human alcoholic. And I just indulge in fast foods so rarely that when I do, I often choose Taco Bell.

I'm trying to mitigate the amount of fast food I eat. So when given the opportunity, I always go for my favorite, but I will say having the hall pass of having to do this episode, I haven't had McDonald's in a long time. I think an errant McGriddle over the fucking last few years, because I'd be in Penn Station hungover or at the fucking Vegas airport hungover. I'd be like, oh, hell yeah.

I rarely ever get Burger King except if I'm stoned or hungover and want a fucking the long chicken sandwich. But getting to go, it's been fucking awesome running through. I'm like, oh, right. This is why people say McDonald's is like, that's Kleenex. McDonald's is and Coca-Cola. There's a reason it's a legend. Big Mac, a Big Mac meal with a Coke and French fries is a great,

one of the best hangovers. One of the best things ever. I mean, it's one of the best things ever. It's also a great hangover cure. It's a great hangover. It's a great hangover meal. It's up there with a cheese, a fucking greasy cheese pizza. 100%, a great reward meal.

I will say that and I've said this before and I'm not saying this to brag about having done something, but the one time I ran the LA Marathon, one and only time I could never do it now. But the one time I did it like afterwards, that same night, the meal I got myself was a, they still had Super Size. I had a Big Mac combo Super Size and a Eminem McFlurry

and it was like one of the best meals I've ever had. It was so satisfying. That's awesome. So fucking great. You ran the marathon and Super Size was still available? Yeah, it was a fucking long time ago. Jesus. Yeah, how old were you?

I think it was 21. Wait, what did you say? 31. Hasn't Super Size been gone for a very long time? I think I was 21 and then I think Super Size Me came out the next year and that's what killed it. Because of Super Size because it was a reaction of fucking Morgan Spurlock.

Yeah, don't make an actionable threat against Morgan Spurlock. You can say this is parody. This is a joke. This is parody. This is parody. But I'm going to fucking slice his throat. That's 100 percent going to be in a drop

without the parody phrase. That's a parody. Fucking slice him. And what about, because you mentioned as... But also, Morgan Spurlock has proved himself to be a fool in a piece of shit. Can't Super Size come back? I have a meeting with him tomorrow.

Can't Super Size come back now? Bring back Super Size. I think they should bring it back. I love Super Size. I loved it. It was fun. Yeah, you kidding me? I think McDonald's just did like what America did,

the movie theater did and everything and it's just like slid everything over one and it's just like, yeah, when you order a large now, it's disgusting. Right, it's like a fucking super size. That's what a large was five years ago. I think you can get a bigger large drink at Wendy's. I think the McDonald's drink is still by comparison. Go to a truck stop McDonald's and they still have

the gallon jug sodas for those guys who drink a gallon of Dr. Pepper as they piss into a fucking can. Oh yeah. Man, I remember when you were young, I would find bottles of piss on the side of the road. Oh yeah. What is this? Because you were assigned that by your parents

or something to go out of the, get out of the shelter and go scurry along and grab bottles of piss for them. Like me, is that what, are you talking about that? What are you talking about? Oh, never mind, never mind. I guess I had something else. When I was a kid, my mom would make me leave the sewers, run out and grab bottles of piss and stuff

and bring it back for like fertilizer and sanitizer and shit like that. I just remember seeing, I would see like bottles of piss on the side of the road. I'm like, this looks like piss. And sometimes you grab it or something as a kid. Yeah, you pick it up, chug it. It's your instinct.

Say love me, everyone, pay attention to me. Do people not know what I'm talking about? I know exactly what you're talking about. Of course, yeah. Not all of us grew up in Massachusetts where there's bottles of piss everywhere. We're proud of it. I did go to you, I went to use an ATM once

and it was in one of those enclosed ATMs where you have to scan your card to get inside. And I went inside and sitting on like the little shelf where you could like endorse checks was a fucking bottle of piss. It was like some fucking maniac with a like fucking Bake of America debit card went in there and left his bottle of piss

like got 40 bucks out. And then I was like, what is this? What is that life? When you're running into a credit union where they don't let you piss in their fucking vestibules. I've never said the word vestibule before in my life. I realized as I was saying it. What have you got home and panicked

and realize he forgot his bottle of piss? Do you have my jug of piss, Martin? No! Did you guys ever have like a free college roommate or friend? Like I had a friend who was so addicted to video poker when you went to his house. Like he was just at his computer and there was like Gatorade bottles full of urine

like in his own house. And he lived with his mom, you know what I mean? Like he lived in his mom's house and we're like 20 and he's got like piss jugs all over. And I'm like, dude, the bathroom's like across the hall. Yeah. Just go pour him out at what point when you fold. I've told Weigher about this kid I knew when I was younger

where he had the stuff, the jar of like... It's disgusting. It's a girl's stoker. It's a jar of like piss and cum and he put weird shit in it. All of his fluids were just collected. All his fluids were in there. And he was like, we were like 16 or something.

Oh yeah. Yeah. That's way past the point of, right? Yeah. Cause if you did that show when you were 12, everyone's like, that's normal. I'm always afraid there's going to be like a half tissue, half cum person that like knocks on my door

and is like, I'm your son. You buried me behind your headboard in Belmore, Long Island. Help me. Kill me. Please kill me. I helped Shankton. He's going to be very mad at this.

In college, I helped Shankton move his, like from his door, his frat room to another room. And of course, Shankton was in a frat. Yeah. Yeah. He was in a frat. This is disgusting. Why am I telling this story?

Tell him we can edit it out if you need me. I pulled a book down and like a waterfall, cum racks started falling on my head. Jesus Christ. I was terrible. Shankton, cum racks all over the place. He was just stashing them like behind his like King James Bible. Yes.

I was 14 living at my mom's house. Yes, he was 21, 20. You could get a waste paper basket when you're that age. I've never said that word out loud either. Waste paper basket. I'm speaking like I'm looking at a catalog, right? What strain of weed did you smoke? Expanding your vocabulary.

I am on performance enhancers to get me through all 64 of these items. And I'm done, but I'm not. Now I'm going to just finish everything in front of me. Here's the other thing about this. Tidy elephant man death at home. I'm doomed for that death. It is very hard to just take bites.

You go there. Because some of this stuff is fucking good. It's so delicious. It's so good. You want to keep. Yeah, no. I finished the Big Mac. I was like, I was eating.

I was like, finish the Big Mac. And I had to restrain myself from finishing the double cheeseburger, which I loved very much. I'm hoping Big Mac makes it to the next round. So I didn't, I didn't go too crazy. We're going to see. We're going to see what progresses right now. It's time to get into the round of 64.

Wow. And to do so, fuck. It's time to introduce the commissioner of the tournament champions, Evan Susser. Hi, Evan. How, how is this not ready? He's playing the commission. There we go.

He's only done a podcast 9000 times. I don't have headphones. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah. But still, you know where the mic goes. I'm going to make a brief statement. Welcome to the tournament of champions.

Susser wearing a full suit. Mac attack the round of 64. Or an audio pocket. We have a lot to get to today. We have to keep it moving. Yep. Each matchup will be allotted three minutes. Wow.

Too much time. But to keep things in order, I will not only be serving as a commissioner today, but also as a referee. Wow. Wow. This is what I was afraid of. Susser is taking his tie off. He's undoing his tie.

It was a clip on. He's very gradually unbuttoning his, his button up shirt. This is someone, something he doesn't do frequently. There is a, there is a referee shirt, black and white zebra stripes underneath it. He's taken off the sport coat. He has taken off the dress shirt. He is in ref mode now. Wow.

Oh my God. He is in a pretty tight ref t-shirt. Is it pretty tight for double XL? I'd say so. Hey, can I, can I try these on a size 12? You look like a fucking footlocker. The guy was like, yeah, I used to be a bartender. Um, I knew something like this was going to happen.

This is fucking stolen. Gabor's Valor. Now this episode is going to be really funny and everyone's going to be like, oh, the Gabor's in Suss episode. Motherfucker. I know I see your machinations. Look, Mr. Gabor, I know we have had our disagreements in the past, but I want to put it aside and be impartial today.

This is your episode. You are the guest. I am merely here as, as what? As a referee. I've seen that also the commissioner. Yeah, as a commissioner. Yeah, yeah. You have, but there are some rules beyond the three minute time limit.

Yes. Should I get into the tournament rules or do you want to get into the rules pertaining to this specific decision? You get into the tournament rules and then I will get into this particular discussion rules. Okay, great. Here are the tournament rules. Rule number one.

Everyone is here. Unlike past tournaments, sides do not stay on the sidelines. Drinks are not in the Gatorade jug also on the sidelines. Everything is up for grabs. Didn't we just do these rules the other day? We did it on the Patreon episode. Subscribers have to get, need a refresher. Okay.

Everyone could use a refresher. I'm pretty sure that Suss was going to be a Tim Donagie. I'd like to learn the rules. I don't pay the fucking for the double. Not since all this fucking cranky Mitch character started. What the hell? I mean, that was day one from my experience. Can I also say?

Yes. Mitch, I know that you, you like the self deprecating humor is very fun. People like it about you. I think the bringing up your mom saying that you would die before her. You've done it twice. Now you did it on the Patreon episode. Very dark. You asked me to take your mother to the tomorrow war premiere.

If you die, I die. And I think this is more. I think this is maybe a step too far for people. Yeah. And it's maybe going to make people uncomfortable. More than that. I said you have to pretend to be me until the movie comes out. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I'm just telling the truth. And it's dark for those of us that are hoping that's the case. It's not negative against you. I'm just rooting for your mom. I got a thousand dollars. Pozzo grotzy member prestige level. Let's go, bro.

Can I say also, do you know what else was dark? The fact that when we went to McDonald's on our first day, there was sauce on your head. You somehow got sauce on your head. That's not dark. You just wanted to bring up a mean thing. Mitch texted me about this three days ago and said, look, there's sauce on Susser's head. And I said, okay. And then a day ago, he goes, don't forget, we have to bring up the sauce.

I was like, this feels like it should be your job. He got sauce on the back of his head. That's wild. And then you bring it up in a way that does not really pay off. Did not feel learned at all. What the fuck? It felt like you were going to press back on him. Back to the rules.

Okay. Fuck all of you. What the fuck is this shit? It was a way that didn't pay off. The way that game works is that you had to fuck you. I brought up the fact that he had sauce on the side of his head. That's not good enough to bring up. He got sauce further back than I've anyone seen anyone get sauce ever.

It reeks of deflection. Yeah. I'm a big slob too. What the fuck do you want from me? Rule number two. Breakfast items must be available all day. Rule number three. If it's seasonal, it's reasonable, but it has to be available in March.

So that means yes to the shamrock shake and no to the McRib. And number four. Rule number four. Dips get the slip. You can use them, but they are not a part of a food items evaluation. Discs get the slip. Dips get the slip. All right.

I thought you're talking like how bracks are going to give out after. Yeah. After our guts grow from eating during the tournament. Yes. Dips get the slip. This is the rule I don't like, but it's fine. And we're dividing the 64 seeds or sesame seeds, if you will, into four regions. I actually don't think that was a good payoff.

Sesame seeds. The regions are beverages and McCafe breakfast, burgers and chicken and sweets and treats and sides and more. We were going to bring this down to like the hamburger category, the fry guys. We tried to do this on the Patreon, but we didn't come up with a good affiliation. We will. At some point before it's over, we will. Yeah.

If you had a pitch for which McDonald Land characters we should use. No, no, no. We have it. Just shut up. We have it. We have it. We have it. And then.

And so the discussion, let's get into the rules for debate, Susser. And by the way, the full bracket, rather, is available on our social media at Don't Boys Pod on Twitter. Don't Boys Pod guests on Instagram if you want a visual companion. Susser, so you mentioned we have a three minute time limit. Yes. Each of you are allowed at five fouls. Fouls can be assigned for going speaking over the time limit, not respecting the time limit.

Got it. Also, any personal attacks in the discussion of the items will be a foul. And I thought that was a technical. Well, that, well, it could, depending on the level of personal attack, it could be technical. Got it. You'd be allowed two technicals and everyone has two timeouts that they can use if necessary. Okay. Okay.

And you consider yourself to still be impartial. Yes. Okay. Got it. Quickly. A bunch of subjects. I'm going to use one of my time. Oh, wait.

The tournament hasn't started yet. Let's start now. Let the tournament begin. Timeout. Oh, fuck. Timeout. For the listeners, Mitch is just a shiz inhaler. Mitch has used his first time out.

Susser blew his whistle. That was very loud. It was my first time blowing the whistle. I did not know how loud it was going to be. Let's put the next one in post. I got a timeout. I just want to say fuck you, Iger. That's what you're using your timeout for?

Yeah. Fuck you, you piece of shit. All right. Is that it? Is the time out over? No. Fuck you, two gamers. Fuck you, Susser.

You can't team me up in a timeout, can you? No. I thought that you said timeout was over. No, it's not over yet. Okay. How long is my timeout? I don't know. We didn't start timing it.

Well, guess what? I'm just going to fucking relax. All right. I'm going to say you have 10 more seconds. Oh, really? You have to make the rule? Well, I don't know. No.

I just want my timeout to say that when we make the decision of who moves on, we're going to say ba-da-ba-ba-ba and then say the item's name. Rather than three, two, one, say it? Yeah. Yeah. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba and we'll say it in the unison in our decision. Okay. Great.

I love it. I'm loving it. Here we go. So the ones, we'll begin. The one seed versus the 16 seed matchup in the beverages and McCafe region, Coca-Cola, Fountain Coke versus Strawberry Banana Smoothie. And I should note the 16 seed Strawberry Banana Smoothie was the winner of the drink-in match or the play-place-in match, if you will.

The pitch from Stable Metrics on the Dose Gourd. It was the winner of the Mango Pineapple Smoothie versus Strawberry Banana Smoothie. The play-place? Play-place-in match. The children? Were the children playing? It's like a McDonald's pun. Did you go back to the play-place at all?

Just taking some pictures. Doing some recon. But I wasn't in there. I was a thousand feet away. With my telephone. With a toast coke line. Do we have to say parody here, too, so you don't get in trouble? Oh, yeah, parody.

This is all parody. And all my racial shit I said off mic is parody. Can you do that off? If you're not on a podcast, can you just say parody as you're saying problematic stuff? That's what I do all the time. All right. Okay. Dancing, dude.

So what are we? We're like 90 seconds into the discussion now. How much time do we have left? I just started the discussion. Okay, you started. Okay. The Coke at McDonald's just hits different to borrow an idiom from social media. It's just such a great, fizzy and just well-carbonated, well-sugarred Coke.

I love that fountain Coke. The strawberry banana smoothie overperformed my expectations. I think it's like, I said this on the double, it's like a Robex quality or a Jamba juice or whatever your local mega-juicery is, quality smoothie at a budget price point. But it's hard for me to pick something over the Coca-Cola. I mean, look, Coca-Cola is the best drink and McDonald's gives one of the best versions of it that there is. The strawberry banana smoothie, it's one over the mango pineapple smoothie and I know

Beiger that you chose that. I prefer the mango pineapple, but the strawberry banana is very good. It tasted fruitier than I thought it was going to be like Starburst more or less, but it tasted like you're saying close to like a canned smoothie, whatever it's called, like a bottled smoothie, like a naked or something like that. But I mean, we got to be honest here, a big Coca-Cola for McDonald's is weirdly a big part of the menu. Yeah.

I think that I can, I think I have my decision already. Oh yeah, I think so too. I mean, I think it's a classic one seed versus a 16 seed. Yeah, it's a first round. Sorry, Colorado Southern Tech or whatever, but you're getting fucking blasted. Bada-bap-bap-bap. Coca-Cola. Wow.

Yeah, okay. I didn't know if we were all saying Bada-bap-bap together, but I guess that's maybe a hard time. We should, here's, I'll make a rule, you should say that whoever like thinks they're giving the last thought, or if we get to minute three, Sus should just say it and force us to just spit the answer out. That's good. Okay, next up, the eight seed versus the nine seed, eight seed hot chocolate, nine seed

strawberry shake. We have our first of many hot versus cold matchups. What did you guys think? I feel bad about this because I am certainly biased in the hot versus cold matchups. I am wearing shorts and a tank top. Right now I run hot. I do not enjoy hot beverages to the degree I enjoy cold beverages, and that's just the thing about me.

Love the hot chocolate from McDonald's. It used to be like a staple as a kid, but now I'm just going to say like the strawberry shake for McDonald's having bomb shakes, strawberry is just my least favorite flavor, and it's still one of my favorite things to get there. Strawberry shake is, strawberry shakes are fun. It's not my go-to shake. I go vanilla or chocolate above that, especially McDonald's. And why?

It's not going to give you just a tip of the cap here. Yes. McDonald's does their vanilla very well. They do a great vanilla. It's a great vanilla. We'll get to that very shortly. Vanilla is a flavor. Thank you, Gavis.

Fine. You win. You should use the timeout to talk about this shit. The vanilla is a flavor. You just brought that up. You just brought that up. You're fucking eating time right now. You dummy.

Oh, foul. I got five. I got teed? No, just a normal foul. Common foul. Common foul. Oh, fuck you. What is this?

That's the second one. Two fouls. I didn't get teed. Also, if you get a third foul, Nick gets a foul shot, which is a free roast of you. That's correct. I'm not going to lie. We sore saying the same thing. Foul shots.

Foul shots should be if Nick gets two. Nick, go ahead. You can roast me. No. You only have two. Okay. Let's keep it moving a little bit. Vanilla, yes.

It is a flavor. I wrote down here, strawberry shake beats hot chocolate. But then I wrote, but maybe I flip flop. Great insight there. Yeah. Is that why you're wearing the t-shirt that says Swift Boat, Captain? Topical. Here's what I'm going to say.

Yes. That hot chocolate is really, really good. It's a good hot chocolate. It's a good hot chocolate. It's a great hot chocolate. The strawberry shake is very good, but go ahead. My strawberry shake was poorly executed. I think they made it right after a shamrock shake and it had a minty character and it

was disgusting. Yeah, that doesn't sound good at all. But yeah, but I think it's a great hot chocolate. Wow. But this was a botched execution, but I think we should just get to our judgment right now. Hot chocolate. Wow.

Hot chocolate moving on. Oh, wow. John Kerry with the fucking swoop in. I fucking flip flopped. Strawberry shake. The first shake eliminated. Rest in power, strawberry shake. Rest in power.

Sussin power. Sussin power. Sussin power. That feels artificial. And I like fake strawberry tastes. Look, will the strawberry sundae do any better? Maybe. We'll see.

Next up, five seed, vanilla shake, a higher seeded shake versus the 12 seed mocha. Again, what is it? What is the verse mocha. Vanilla shake. Okay. You just gotta look at the thing. Huh? You can also listen and what I say.

No, I'd rather not. Well, cause you know, it's confusing cause you're, we're so used to talking to you while you stare at your phone and don't engage with us at all. I've never been on a podcast where both people never look you in the eyes for two completely different reasons. Maybe you are looking me in the eyes right now, Mitch. I can't tell, but you're holding your phone up and Weiger is going to look like at the bridge over your nose cause that's what he was trained to do.

I'm getting so much more feedback from Susser and we're supposed to be Nemesis. None of this is a foul, by the way, it's all accurate descriptions. I'm no counter argument. All right. Here we go. Vanilla shake versus mocha. Yes. What are your thoughts, Gabriel?

I'm just trying to open the bracket. That's what I'm trying to do right now. I'm with you. Vanilla is a flavor. Yes. And when it comes to shakes, vanilla is my go-to flavor and I think a McDonald's vanilla shake. So you say Coca-Cola, but because I've just never been a soda person, but I do understand

the power of Coca-Cola. But my, when I think McDonald's drink, I'm getting the iconic three menu item that I'm getting a vanilla shake. Tough match up here cause vanilla shake is, it's, look, it's one of these top schools going into this. Right. Yeah. This Duke with less rapists.

I think they were acquitted. Alleged parody. This analogy that we've tried to compare this to fucking tournament for years and it's still stupid. Yes. Okay. I thought though that the mocha was one of the better coffee, one of the better coffee drinks.

So contrary to the hot chocolate, the hot, the chocolate is not in your face. It's a hint of it. It's just sort of like a, an almost an aromatic with the, the, the coffee flavor. And I do like McDonald's coffee quite a bit, which we'll get into more in this, this region. But I just think the vanilla shake is their best shake. And I feel like if I, I'd rather either get a coffee or a hot chocolate, this, this middle ground is less satisfying for me, but we should get to our verdict. Here we go.

Vanilla shake. And syllabically that one kind of works with, I'm loving it. Which is a lot of fun. Vanilla shake. Well, you're right. Same number of syllables. Moving on. It's like act three of national treasure.

It's the same amount of syllables. Just like the founding fathers intended. The four seed iced coffee taking on the 13 seed frappe. Wow. Two very similar beverages. Similar. Kind of. Well the ice, these are both cold coffee drinks.

Okay. One is blended. The other is on, on the rocks and they both kind of have this, this milky character to them. I will say the frappe is much sweeter. Time out. Time out. Time out.

I'm just going to say whistle. Did you, did you, did you swallow the whistle? Well, I'm trying to not make it too loud. That's your second time out. Another time out will be a technical. Okay. I just want to say, yes, look, coming out the gate, I've had a tough game so far. I just, I'm not up to my classic Mitch quality level.

What are you talking about? You've been doing fine. No, no, no. I just need to take a time out to regroup. Okay. Get myself back together again. Before we start up. Gabriel's also used the time out to go get water.

Yeah. Should we, I think that he has to use a time out there. I don't think it's fair that he gets to use your time out. You can use that. That's, that's one thing that happens in games. Someone takes a time out. The other team is strategizing. Literally the thing that happens in games is when someone takes a time out, the other

team gets water. Yeah. Like literally. Anyone who's played sports besides crew in the last 50 years of their life wouldn't know that. Don't make me just a crew guy. According to the listeners, should we make it two minutes instead of three minutes? It's three minutes too long.

I mean, it seems like so we're allowed to do less than three minutes. Yeah. Like, yeah. Jesus. We can't figure this out right now. Okay. We, I will say that we are 40 minutes into the record and we are on item four of 64. Yes, I agree.

So we might want to keep things moving. All right. Right. I just, I just want to recon, I want to concentrate. I just want to, all right. I think I'm regrouped. Is your time out over? I think my time also.

Time out's over. Okay. Us really hammering the wasting time thing. Gotcha. It'd be like, maybe I shouldn't have used both of my timehouse in the first four minutes of this fucking thing. Forgive him a foul. Sorry, foul.

Yes. Got it. Yeah, it's a foul. Ice coffee is, it's not nearly as sweetened as the frappe. The frappe I found just cloyingly sweet. In fact, that was the sweetest thing I've put in my mouth of the whole tournament. Our ref is afraid of one of the players. That happens in the real world.

That doesn't happen in the real world. Absolutely. Yeah, he's getting the superstar treatment. Oh, okay. So you admit that it happens. Yeah, of course it happens. Happens on your fucking team quite a bit. We almost got through Nick's thoughts, dude.

Come on. Delay of game. All right. Here we go. Delay of game. All right. What are the two items? Ice coffee and frappe.

Ice coffee. Ice coffee. Frappe was just too sweet for me. Moving on. I like, I had the mocha frappe and the caramel frappe. Oh God. Car. Car.

Moving on. We're going to get to them. It's fine. We almost didn't have to do that. No, no. We just, we just, I had the mocha frappe in the caramel frappe. Oh. You had both variants.

God damn it. I had both variants of the frappes. Yes. And the ice coffee, like you said, but both are very sweet. The ice coffee is insanely sweet. I'd like to use my time out here. Time out. Okay.

I just wanted to say, and I'm going to throw, let Nick in on my time out a little bit if you want. McDonald's, McCafe adjustment that they've done the last couple of years, I think has been one of their smartest moves recently. Yes. It's a Starbucks competitor for like, I want to just walk in and grab a coffee. I think their ice coffee is really good. If you just get it black and like put your own milk in it or something, because they'll

go like heavy cream and hand you something sweet. It was the ice coffee. Ice coffee is one of my favorite beverages. I just wanted to say that. So as I was biased going into this round, ice coffee is like my third favorite drink in the world. The ice coffee was insanely good. It was, it was very, very.

Go ahead, Sus. There's a TV time out now. I'm just going to say that moving forward, if you don't call a time out, talking about the items after the discussion is over, can constitute a delay a game and you could get a foul for that. Yeah, I think that's fair. I think that's a technical foul in fact. The fuck?

What delay of game in the end? I was going to say that I was a frat boy, but the, the, the, the ice coffee is above and beyond. It's very, very, very good. It's a great execution. I think we got a competitor in the competition. I think it could go, it could go far. We're going to see how, how, how its legs hold up as the competition continues moving

on. The six seed shamrock shake versus the 11 seed cappuccino, I'm going to tip my hand right here. Right here. I don't like the shamrock shake. I think it tastes like toothpaste, cold toothpaste. I don't like mint without a chocolate counterpoint. This one was one of my least favorite things the entire tournament.

I, to be as counter as possible, I had my first shamrock shake sip tonight before we recorded before this round of food. I had a mini round of food from Mitch and Sus and I never had the shamrock shake before. Mint chocolate chip ice cream is one of my favorite ice creams. This, me too. It hits the, I could do it with the chocolate chips. Me three. Oh wow.

As a boy, I used to love a mint chocolate chip ice cream on a cone with sprinkles. I'll say the cappuccino is a delight. It's a solid cappuccino. I love them. However, they made it. It's unsweet too. But the shamrock shake, man, it's something special. I can't believe I had it for the first time.

I mean, I might be like, because I had it for the first time tonight, I might be like, you know, new pussy power. You know, when you get that new pussy and it just, it's different. Oh, I'd experienced, I've had countless times over the course of my life. Some of those women are so relatable. Gave receive you real, the single man, the single guy here is me. Yeah. What do you know about new pussy, bro?

Why are we talking about this time out? I got some new pussy a couple of years ago and they have a name, Wally and Irma. Oh, there you go. That's very sweet. Wait, is it time in? Sorry. Yeah. Time out.

So all of them. I use them all. I think that you attacking Shamrock shake is an attack on my people and kind of the Irish what I'm all about. The original black people retreat like black people first. I am so tired of hearing that shit. Why are we Trump? Why did we become Trump?

But up up up up up. Shamrock shake. I prefer the cappuccino, but I will go with the majority of course. All right. Fair enough. I earned that. It was very good though. Okay.

It was good. Premium roast coffee versus the 14 seat Americano. Wow. This was a lot tighter than I anticipated. I love McDonald's coffee. I think it is one of my favorite fast food coffees blows Starbucks out of the fucking water. To what what gabris was saying earlier, the McCafe, I think overall their lineup is like

I like their shit better than Starbucks and it's cheaper than Starbucks. The reason to go to a Starbucks is because it's a better environment to sit in if you're going to be there for a while generally, but I prefer McDonald's lineup and their Americano, which I'd never had before, is an excellent Americano. This is an American execution versus European execution thing. And it's just which one would come a dude prefer. Mitch, you're not a coffee man. No.

Look, the Shamrock shake is special. These ones, not so special to me. I don't give a shit. So ba da ba ba ba, premium roast coffee. Americano was close though. I like the Americano, but there's something powerful. Next category. Sorry.

This was like. The ref. What the fuck? Tables have really turned. I do want this to be over eventually. Oh, so, oh, I get you. You're trying to speed this along. The 14 seed really did well there though.

I mean, that that was like McNeese state overperformed expectations against the three seed. Next one, seven seed minute made premium orange juice versus 10 seed latte. I just want to say off the bat, yeah, minute made orange juice in McDonald's is a fucking old school. But getting the McDonald's, getting a McDonald's orange juice is one of the first things I remember as a little boy going on a breakfast. Absolutely. One of the most nostalgic items that on this entire menu.

I was just about to say like the same exact thing, because when I was a kid, the time I most frequently had McDonald's was like a Sunday post Taekwondo breakfast when my mom was just like, what do you want? And we didn't drink coffee and we weren't really soda family. So we get orange juice. And I remember you never got it with a straw at home, right? And having orange juice with a straw was just like made it feel special when you were fucking eight or nine.

You're like, oh, this is cool. I have a lid. It looks like soda, but it's juice. And again, if we can borrow parlance from the internet, the orange juice in McDonald's just hits different. It hits different. It hits different. And it's probably because it's closer to tang than it's like powdered orange juice.

And sure, like corn syrup blasted into water or something. Did it change to minute made at one point? Was it like a different orange juice at one point? I don't know. It may very well have been a different brand. It still hits in the same way. Does taste like childhood to me. The latte is also very good.

Yeah. Again, the latte is. Yeah. But I think we might have a winner here. Yeah. Yeah. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. Orange juice.

It may be premium orange juice. Wow. The orange juice swept that one. I'm surprised by that. You know, again, I like the latte. I'm not going to talk. I'm not going to say anything else. Next match.

Well, hold on a second. Why? We're done. We're done. We're done. I don't want to get another delay game. That'll be my second technical. I'll get fucking tossed.

Good. I'm trying to take a fucking train. I'll walk if not leaves. I love you, Mitch, but we don't need two of us trying to do this. By the way, if you get ejected, hold on, I'm just, oh, shit, I don't have timeouts. Just what? Just save. TV timeout.

All right. TV timeout. If you get, if you get, if you get, oh, what is it? What are you doing? Five. Five? If we get, if you get five fouls, you get ejected from just this section of the bracket. Okay, fine.

And then you get reset with five new fouls. But during your time when you get kicked out, you have to go sit on the couch with a microphone. Fair enough. Timeouts do not reset. I'm going to designated foul myself out or whatever. So I can just take a break for this nightmare. Wait, timeouts don't reset. Fuck.

Okay. Next up. Wait, can I, can I borrow someone's timeout? Yeah. You can borrow one of the next timeouts. All right. Can I get one of your timeouts? No.

The two seed chocolate shake versus the 15 seed. You're not even going to use them. Sweet tea. I'm sitting on them. It lives in them for a late game situation. Okay. Chocolate shake versus sweet tea. I prefer the vanilla shake.

The chocolate shake seeding makes sense because it's such a beloved item and I know that's like every kid's favorite and a lot of adults' favorites. And that's fine. I prefer the vanilla shake. It's, I feel like it's a better execution here, but that's not the match we're having against their sweet tea. Their sweet tea is a little sweet for my taste, but it's a very good tea. And I think if I'm getting a sweetened beverage there that's not the Coke, I like the sweet

tea. You know what I'm going to say? Yeah. Fuck all you Southerners and your fucking sweet tea. Wow. Smart. Fuck off. Smart.

Going hard after the red states. Sign off the Patreon if you live in the South is what you're saying. We love sweet tea. Sweet tea tastes like shit. I would say I like iced tea. I like iced tea with some flavor in it. Yeah. Sweet tea.

Too much. Sweet tea is great. No, it's not. It's a lot of fun. I don't like it. It's refreshing and it's got a little bit of sweetness to it. I don't like it. I will say the sweet tea from McDonald's didn't taste that sweet to me, but I was trying it

after the frappe, the shamrock shake and the strawberry banana smoothie. So I was like, oh, sweet tea is actually kind of like a palate cleanser. And I was like, oh, it's because I had three scoops of ice cream. You threw me against the wall and you said, did you get me regular tea? And I said, no, it was sweet tea, sir. The sweet tea is, I think it's way too sweet. I don't like the taste of it. But up up up up chocolate.

Chocolate shake. Chocolate shake. Oh yeah. Nice delay. I forgot. What was the warning? What? I didn't say it on time with everybody.

Yeah. That's true. Oh, I highlighted the wrong one. Oh my God. And I'm realizing now. The fix is in. As we finished. No, there was an accident.

As we finished this bracket, there's not been a single upset yet. The entire beverages in Mccaffay region, every favorite one. Oh shoot. Wow. You were mad off who was making it just real quick. Just the winners. Yes. The winners.

The one seed Coca-Cola, the eight seed hot chocolate, the five seed vanilla shake, which will take on the four seed iced coffee, I believe. The six. Oh no. I'm not sure if these are exactly right. The six seed shamrock shake, the three seed premium roast coffee, the seven seed minute made premium orange juice, and the two seed chocolate shake are your victors in round one of the round of six, and I'm sorry, the first region of the round of 64, moving on

to the breakfast region. Yes. All right. Great. I want to go to breakfast. So what we have now is the one seed egg McMuffin. Wow. That classic versus the 16 seed sausage burrito.

I just want to say right off the bat, egg McMuffin is as synonymous with McDonald's as Big Mac as quarter pounder. This is a bit. This is a fucking. This is Duke, a Titan of the breakfast sandwich game for sure. And it's going up against my heart, the sausage burrito that specific one or just breakfast burritos in general. The sausage burrito at McDonald's.

I used to work at McDonald's. I mean, I used to work at McDonald's. What the fuck? I never brought that up before. Amazing of five years in when we finally learned this. I worked at the Simpsons. Yes. Every Friday was McDonald's.

You'd go and get a bunch of McDonald's sandwiches for breakfast sandwiches and put them in the bowl for the writers of the Simpsons. What a dream. How opulent. Yeah. It was a dream come true. I fucking loved going to get. No, I don't mean for you.

I mean, for the people like writers who are being tend to do by the way, you would unwrap them all and put them in a big bowl on the floor and they would all go over in Harvard jerseys and fucking eat it out of the bowl like dogs. Is that what you say? I will not make that joke because those people will put me in TV shows. Hopefully they haven't talked to me. The sausage breakfast burrito was one of my little favorite ones. No one ever touched it.

And I think it's a great, great breakfast in book. It's pint size. It's tiny. It's pint size, but they give you two of them. It comes with the Conte sauce. It's great. It's going up against a behemoth. I think the the weak point of it is that it's a good point.

It comes with the Conte sauce. It's great. It's going up against a behemoth. I think the weak point for me is I don't love their Mexican style salsa. I believe they call it. I don't think it's a great salsa. I think it's just, you know, just like grocery store salsa. It's not, not particularly good, but I think the, I think the sausage burrito has constituted

itself is pretty good or it's quite good actually. It just, just I don't love the tortilla's texture. The Egg Book muffin for me, I don't, I don't get it very often. I think that Canadian bacon, give me a fucking sausage ring, give me a sausage patty or give me a ring of bacon. I'd prefer those proteins over this one. I love it. I love an Egg McMuffin, but a sausage Egg McMuffin is better.

Sausage burrito, sausage burrito, a 16 seat is upset a one seat. Wow. Only, there's only one time this has ever happened in the history of the NCAA men's tournament UMBC over Virginia a couple years back. Wow. That was so recent. Amazing. That one is moving on.

We got our own UMNC. Is that what it was? UMBC. UMBC. That's okay. He came close. That's amazing. The 16 seat upset Egg McMuffin.

Egg McMuffin. Out of the tournament. In the breakfast category. In the breakfast category. Wow. Okay. Eight seat. Wow.

If people haven't turned off yet, they're turning it off now. Eight seat. McChicken biscuit versus nine seat chicken McGriddles. These two newly added in the past year, chicken based breakfast items. I got to figure out which one I chose. One is sweet and one is savory. I got it. I got it.

Okay. I will say that the McChicken biscuit is a little dry. It's just like a lot of. It is a little bit dry. It's just, you know, you're not getting any moisture from that that you might get from like the sausage biscuit. The chicken McGriddles, I like the mix of sweet and savory. You know, it's like a chicken and waffle sort of concept.

I like it too, but I weirdly don't think it works as well as other McGriddles. I think that the sausage McGriddles works better. The sausage McGriddles better than the chicken McGriddles for sure. I concur. I think that I agree with. And I got to say, there's something, look, I'm not trying to tip my cap either way. There's something about chicken and a biscuit that works very well together. All right.

And I don't want to tip my hand. Anyway, if we were including the like dips weren't in the rips or whatever, uh, if dips didn't get the slip, uh, it would go one way for me. If dips were allowed, it would go another way for me. Wow. And I'll say, I'll say, I'll just say now we might as well, right? If we, if honey was allowed, the McChicken, which McDonald's I used to love honey is there as my dip for nuggets.

If the honey was allowed, McChicken Biscuit would win. But since it's not spoiler alert, ba-da-ba-ba-ba, McChicken McGriddles, wow, McChicken Biscuit eliminated chicken McGriddles, the nine seed with the upset there. If you didn't mention that dips thing, I would have went the other way. The worst rule there is. Okay. Next up, the five seed bacon, egg and cheese McGriddles versus the 12 seed. I mean, you usually do anyways.

If I was like, why, girl, I'm dying. You just stared me and be like, Oh no, buddy, you wouldn't, nothing would matter. I'd act. Did you ever get the big breakfast like instead of a sandwich ever? Absolutely not. Let me say this. The big breakfast, get the fuck out of here. Whoa.

The eggs are so bad and they need to be hidden as McDonald's eggs need to be hidden as much as possible. 100%. I agree. You just want to get a texture. This is an assault on childhood. You work. You got the big breakfast of the kid.

Of course. Like a big boy. Your mom fucking blended it and put it in a formula bottle for you. My mom did not blend up the big breakfast and put it in a big ba-ba. I ate when I was 18. I ate the big breakfast like a big boy should and I think that this is an assault on childhood. Something that I think that you love childhood while he still does. A little too much.

Oh, by the way, by the way, fill in your brackets. We said this. We said this. We'll say this online. Yes. But the winner of the person who has the closest to the correct bracket is going to win these two Minion posters behind you. That's right.

There is a prize for whoever will have had to have filled it out already. They would have to have filled it out already. We're going to put it online. Yeah. I will say the bacon. You have the bacon. This point in the episode. Yeah.

Look, look, look, look. They're going to submit it by Wednesday. We'll just, it'll be on social media. I can't believe you're giving shit to the big breakfast. Big breakfast used to come in this big styrofoam container. It was a lot of fun. I feel like they underpay though, and it feels like they seem to be getting a lot of fun gigs, but not spread.

Oh, wait, never mind. I think of something else. That is the most that is the most inside thing that's ever been on the podcast. And I'm not even serious. They're the only people that's hired me in the last 10 years. Big breakfast eliminated. Look, the bacon is a McDonald's weak point. I'm just going to say it right now.

I agree. I agree. But those blends of ingredients, I'm going to talk about it. Next up, the four seeds, sausage, egg and cheese, McGriddles versus the sausage, McGriddles. So basically we've got one with egg and cheese and one with just the sausage, both sandwich between McGriddles patties. I'm just going to say this right now, I will be mad. These are both insanely good and I'll be mad if what I want doesn't get through.

Interesting. They're both very good. The sausage, egg and cheese McGriddles has replaced the sausage, egg, McMuffin as my breakfast item. Fascinating. And ice coffee has replaced orange juice as my go-to breakfast. Still grab that hash brown though. The hash brown was, I mean, come on.

We'll get to it. But it fucking owns. It's not in this bracket weirdly. It's in the side. This was your decision. You wanted to put it in the sides. It was, it was, it was tough. It was, it was, it was more because I wanted to get, if, if you want to be fair, these

things wouldn't have been in the breakfast bracket if we didn't do this. We would have run it out of room. So at some point I will say. So these two are in that because of this decision. No, not just these. It's not, that's not it. That's not the only thing. We could have moved some things around.

Sure. We could have, we'll talk about it later. The sausage McGriddles, I just like, I like both of these. They're both excellent. They're both very good sandwiches. I'd be so happy with either. Happy with either. I just think this, this is one where the simplicity of the sausage McGriddles.

I knew that. It's just a little bit better. I think, I think I'd like, I'd rather have just like that's very simple, savory, sweet contrast. So remember I hops, pig in a blanket kind of thing. That was like my favorite thing when I was a kid. I agree with you, but also at the same time, the sausage egg and cheese McGriddles, I think is maybe the best breakfast sandwich at McDonald's.

That's a strong take. I think you're right. I would pitch, lose the egg, leave the cheese, a middle ground of the two. And I think that would be all three of our favorites. Interesting. The egg is the weak point at McDonald's period. Wow. I have, I have my bias, but I would not be upset with either of these advancing.

Let's get to it. But up, up, up, up, sausage egg and cheese McGriddles moving on the four seed in a split decision. Gabris. I love you. Gabris just dabbed. I mean, honestly, if there's, if some, some of these get resurrected, which, you know, in the past, they have come back, uh, maybe, maybe the sauce spoiling shit.

I'm saying things have come back in the past. I don't know if it's going to happen. Yeah. We haven't made that decision yet. Yeah. What are you telling? What's, what am I spoiling? Anyways, I'm saying the sausage McGriddles, one of the ones that I think could, if there's

a replay in bracket, I think it's one of the ones that could go far because it's, it's only lost this round because it went up to a slightly up version of itself. Yeah. Yeah. This next one is a battle of two of my favorites from childhood. Oh shit. Number six, number six, the bacon, egg and cheese biscuit and number 11 hot cakes and sausage up until like age 10.

It was like these, this was like Mario and Zelda, the two go-tos for me in McDonald's breakfast. These were, these were what I would alternate. The two go-tos in that you're saying you'd order both. You just ruined it before I could, I was saying that your little fat wiger was ordered. Yeah. That's, yeah. I wish I could have.

And also, now that I'm looking at it, do you easily could eat both of these? Oh, 100%. I mean, I did. I did. I got them both and I ate them both. I ate everything we've said so far. Right. And I will say, as someone, if you were sitting across from me, I just ate five or six whole

sandwiches. I did not take bites of the last. I just ate all of the things I just had. And when I, when I did breakfast Tuesday night, I ate it all too. And I ate this thing by accident, the bacon, egg and cheese biscuit. I accidentally ate it. Like I popped it first when I was just taking a bite of it. And then I looked down and I had finished it and was opening a McGriddle.

And that's how good it was. Yeah. And how good it was and how fucked up I was. I want someone to calculate how many calories are in all 64 items. Interesting. I've come. I took bites of a lot of shit, but I ate like at least 10 to 15 full sandwiches. Yeah.

That's bad. It's too much. We should have told you not to do that. Yeah. The last time I was in the best shape of my life, I did the chicken nugget power hour and then it fucked me up for like a year and a half. And now I'm back in the best shape of my life again, refinely rebuilt and I think I broke myself again.

This is what I do for you guys. Thanks for taking me on tour. You look great by the way. You do look good. Also, I'm going to tease it right now. The sequel to the make the nugget power hour, the 40 cheeseburg challenge. I don't want to do this. The 40 white castle cheeseburgers or 40 McDonald's cheeseburgers.

You're complaining about having to do this week and bacon, egg and cheese biscuit. Wow. I was gonna. Doesn't matter. Time out. Hotcakes. Time out. I'm using my first time out because I just wanted to say, I didn't get to say anything

about hotcakes and sausage, but also I can speak here too. We that we've now we've established that during timeouts that you can also do stuff. That's fine. Don't talk about how you get to talk. Just say your thing. I want to use next time out to talk about sausage and hotcakes and sausage is very good. Hotcakes are very filling breakfast for a budget price. I love, I love getting a pad of butter and putting them on each individual cake.

I love pouring that syrup on top of that little, little, little tin of syrup you get. And I love it's not a tin, the little plastic thing of syrup you get peeling that back and then pouring that over in like many years ago, maybe. All right, fine. And then you and then get it. You get some of that syrup on that sausage. That's no problem at all. I mean, that's fucking great.

I used to eat that meal like they were two tacos. Yeah. I would put like the pancake around the sauce. That's for the syrup and butter right in there and eat it like a taco or a hot dog. It's a power move. Nick, were you friendly with Ray Kroc when he devised this plan? Yeah, that's the end of the time out. Next match.

Were you friendly with Ray Kroc? Timeout's over. Next matchup. Number three. Hold on a second. I just want to say your Mr. simplicity in the in the sausage and hotcakes are so simple, but Mr. simplicity is the documentary made about you. The whistle is blown.

Delay a game. Delay a game. Wow. Delay a game on Mike Mitchell, the Spoon Man for talking about. And Nick Weigher too. What am I getting the delay for? Just you do. Let's power through this next round because if you guys vote the way against me on this

one, I'll slap you in the face. Number three, the three seed sausage with egg, the 14 seed fruit, fruit and yogurt parfait. Like I'm worried what you're going to pick here. This is. Get the fuck out of here. Hold on a second. This might be a heart of a choppy and why a sister and I both agree that this, this fruit and yogurt parfait was delicious.

It was a delicious. It's okay, but it's up against the fucking up against the power up against the double cheeseburger of breakfast. Like the fucking whistle delay delay. We ripped through the second technical. Get the fuck out of here. That's not technical. It is.

You got two delay games. Those are both technical fouls. It is two technicals. That's bullshit. Now I'll give you one of my teeth. There also should have been. I have low teeth. Anyway, I need a lot of tea.

No, you're thinking of tea cells. So I got two low teas. Yeah. Yeah. I'll give you mine. Let's stay and just keep going through. But if you can just not drag your feet like a kid who doesn't want to leave the fucking arcade, we can get.

But also I'm going to allow that there can be still discussion for as long as we're in the two minutes. Oh, right. Okay. We've had a verdict. Okay. That's fair. All right.

Then we can rescind that delay. Oh, interesting. That's right. I we the rule has been clarified. We can rescind that. I'm going to say. Be gracious for once. You fuck.

Again, we're seeing does the addition of egg help or hurt? I might feel differently than I do about the previous one where we discussed this. The same mix of the sausage McGriddles. And we lined up differently on the other one. But I think I'm flipped on this. So I think we're find ourselves on opposing sides again. Enemy at the gates. Interesting.

What do you think, Mitchell? Do you call me Mitchell? Yeah. It's weird. I've never. You've never really called me. Can you minimize that that strangers Instagram that you're looking through and just fucking answer the question?

You're talking about the fucking bracket. Which do boys listeners? Why for you looking out on Instagram right now? Ba da ba ba ba sausage biscuit with egg. Just edging out the sausage biscuit. No, wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. I said that wrong.

It's sausage biscuit. It says it right here. Sausage biscuit eats sausage biscuit with egg. Commissioner. What do you think? What an upset. Yes. Okay.

I'll allow it. That will stand. Okay. Sausage biscuit. The ten seed overtaking the sausage biscuit with egg. Egg adds too much dryness to this sandwich, which is leaving it dry, but I think the egg adds value to the McGriddle because it's less dry. Very fair.

Yeah. I gave her. She nailed it. Yeah. These are. Yeah. These are. These are defensible takes for sure.

Next up, the two seed, the final one of this region to see the sausage muffin versus the 15 seed fruit and maple oatmeal fruit maple oatmeal overperformed a little bit better than I could imagine. I would have literally never ordered it. If you make me eat it, I would never have ordered it and it was good. This one's for grandpa grandpa's taking his grand taking the grandkids to McDonald's. He's getting himself a fruit and maple and he's doing all right. You guys are getting all mad at the fruit and yogurt parfait praise, but then the fruit

maple oatmeal gets a month praise. No one got mad at that. You fucking fake victim attitude. No one got mad at you. Fake victim attitude. What the fuck? Yeah. I get followed.

I agree. It's very, very good. You put the fruit. You put the little apple pieces in there. It's a fun time. Yeah. You get a little side. You get to you get to throw some apples in there and some like raisins and shit.

It's a lot. It's a hoot. Um, anyways. Bada, bada, bada, bada. Sausage muffin. I forgot to say it. I mean, were you going to have a beat Sausage Muffin? My vote was going to be Sausage Muffin.

Okay. Doesn't matter. Are we at the end of the bracket? Yeah. That's the end of the bracket. It's half time. We'll be right back with more of the Dough Boys Tournament of Chompians. Welcome back to Dough Boys, Munch Madness 2020, the round of 64 of the Tournament of

Chompians. Mac Attack. We're here with John Gaber. So we've gotten through two regions so far, beverages in McCafe and we just finished it up breakfast to recap breakfast. Yes. You and I have had a tough week. Yeah.

It's been challenging. I'm mad at you. Yeah. Of course. No, yeah. No shit. No, I feel like you've been a little bit persnickety. Why?

You've been a little fussy. I think you've been fussy. I think you've been fussy too. Okay. That's fine. That's fine. But I'm not mad at you. Okay.

I understand what's going on. I know you got a lot going on. It's no problem. I have not been able to keep track of the fouls. I also realize people don't really want anyone to be kicked out. So I'm just going to keep on calling fouls and listeners can calculate how many fouls everyone had. But we're all going.

I just like Bill Lambeer's combat basketball. I had planned on sitting on the couch at one point because I wanted to. You were like intentionally fouling out. I was going to try to intentionally follow up. So the breakfast. But Weigar. Yes. Let bygones be bygones.

We've been fighting quite a bit off podcast. That's right. But let's keep, let's, let's, let's, let's close out together. I'm having fun. You mean do the thing that Weigar's been trying to do for the last hour and a half of this podcast. It sucks when you're on this show because you take his side so much. I don't agree with Weigar all the time.

I'm with you. Well, think about that. But at some point. Do you think he's not going to gun you down? I don't care. I'm hoping he fucking about why would I kill Gabriel of all of my list of enemies. He's not even on it yet. You do.

You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. You do. Who's, who's your number one on your list of your enemies? Well, now I can't say it because I've threatened violence.

It's parody. It's parody. It's parody. All right. I'll say who it is. I'll say someone dead. Jeffrey Epstein. Oh yeah.

He was your number one. Fuck Epstein. He's a fucking monster. Yeah. Because he charged you first class rates. Are you still pissed at him? I never got my vodka soda. You're a king now though.

Now that he's gone. All right. So the breakfast region, 16 seeds, sausage, burrito. The beef has been squashed. Beef has been squashed. Time to move on to a category featuring quite a bit of beef. That's right. Burgers and chicken is up next.

Oh, we're doing sweet treats last. Yeah. Because that's where the dessert course comes. Yeah. But I mean, you think because this one's a more powerful. I mean, the beef is the way to end it on. I'm just saying. All right.

We'll move on. Let me just recap breakfast and then we'll move on to sweet treats and sides. Sausage burrito, 16 seed, egg McMuffin and a massive upset. Nine seed chicken McGriddles, one over McChicken biscuit. The five seed bacon egg and cheese McGriddles advancing. Four seed sausage egg and cheese McGriddles advancing. We'll have a McGriddles showdown. Bacon egg and cheese biscuit advancing.

Sausage McMuffin with egg. Ten seed sausage biscuit and two seed sausage McMuffin. A lot of sausage. I feel bad. I feel bad for whoever is in your second round because that's a lot of like, like fraternal twins going head to head. You know what I mean? It's going to be a lot of like, this is just a judgment call.

Do you like English muffins versus pancakes or eggs versus no eggs? Well, you're probably bringing a vegetarian. Yeah, smart. I get nanged in here. She's like, I think the bread tasted okay. I just realized that gay versus side salad is in the fridge. Okay. So you can taste that.

And actually that is relevant to this category, which we can begin to discuss. Sweets and treats and sides and more. In the fridge. You mean go get it yourself. Guest of the podcast. Got it. You ever around you? Left, left on top.

Yeah, there you go. You got it. The one seed fries taking on the 16 seed side salad, which was the winner of the second play place in match. A salad triple threat took on bacon ranch salad and Southwest salad and came out ahead. And I have to try this to see if I like it more than French fries. I mean, for the purpose of McDonald's. That's the rule.

Yeah, I guess for the purposes of that is the rule. The low fat is balsamic on there. We had the balsamic dressing. Maybe it's what am I doing? Gavors, maybe we better if you just shot some of the balsamic in your mouth and I like, I'd rather I sprayed on my tits. New eyelashes. I just got my lashes done.

So fries. My face fries versus. I mean, I want to say but up up up up up. But Gavors hasn't taken a bite. Okay. As soon as he takes up. Okay. Here we go.

He's taking a bite right now. Side salad. Pretty good, but there's no fucking no. Nothing's going to be fries in this match. It is not round one. It's not good. It's got a decent blend of greens and for for how much it costs. If you want something a little bit lighter as a side, I think it's a pretty decent option.

If I was going to go, if I was going to try to not make myself feel awful, I'd be like, Oh, I'll get a big Mac in that side. Yes. All right. All right. Next up the eight seed happy meal McNuggets versus the nine seed happy meal hamburger, a happy meal showdown in round one. Mitch, the happy meal was something that you advocated for getting into the tournament.

Yes. Why? And I think it was the right call to get these little turd dildos that the only toy they gave everybody. There's these, these little Dwiger. You got one too. It's a magic wand from on the wand from onward. The new Pixar movie.

I was right here. I think it's from onward. Yeah. It is frozen too. No, this is from onward. All right. So this is a, I ate the box. This is like a brown, sort of like a tree trunk, tree stump, wand, tree branch, wand,

wrapped around a some sort of orange jewel. Why are you and I are both spinning the wand and we've gotten very much nicer with each other? Yeah. It's pretty fun. Yeah. It's like the men in black thing. We forgot the last hour.

It's kind of like a spin. What is it? A fidget spinner? It's kind of like that. Yeah. Look, decent toy. A happy meal is, it's a classic. Yes.

Thing. It's a thing from your childhood. You get a toy. Now it's a lot different than it was. It used to be fries. The, the, Now it's fries and apples or yogurt and you get milk or water. Yes.

I think this is great. It's such a, it's a cool move. And you can also, you can get a soda if you want to still, if your parents let you still choose a soda. Yeah. And that immediately allows CPS to be called. Did I sell them? Super size.

My kids happy meal soda. Ultimately, I think I chose, look, the toy is pretty whack in this case, but ultimately I kind of like it. I chose the happy meal that I used to have when I was younger. I, so I got, I'll tell you my happy meal is like, God, how much time do we have hamburger happy meal with strawberry gogurt fries and apple juice box and onward toy. And then I got the four piece nugget happy meal with sweet and sour sauce, apple slices, fries, water and onward toy.

I don't love gogurt. I'll just say. I have apple slices and two to Sonny bottles to choke down the sodium that I fucking ingest it. I hope that happy meal. Ham nuggets. Wow. I love it.

Hamburger besting McNuggets. I like it. I like it a lot. I tell you what. It's just the classic. It's true. But we got to move on. It's more substantial too.

It feels like it feels like you're having a meal. A mild upset here. The nine seed happy meal hamburger advancing beyond the happy meal McNuggets. The happy meal hamburger is moving onward. One could say. Next up, the five seed vanilla cone versus the 12 seed caramel Sunday. Don't love their caramel here. I think the caramel is the bacon of the sweet side.

I feel like the vanilla cone on its own is just such a classic and such a superior dessert. And I will say their caramel has the same problem their bacon does. Texture is not what I want. Yeah. Yeah. The textures weird on both. Yeah. Bacon I find to be what fast food cannot figure out.

Bacon. Like a real fast food like casual fast casual can sort of have bacon sorted out. Not good bacon fast food wise ever. You should meet my little friend. Her name is Wendy. The Wendy's Baconator is pretty decent. Wendy's Baconator is all right. You're right.

But I still don't like their bacon texture. Okay. I think McDonald's Bacon is straight up one of its weakest things for sure. And there's also another one that an ingredient of McDonald's is also not good. We'll get to it later. I the vanilla cone is an old school classic. Yeah. I saw kids.

Kids came out of school while me and Sus were there. And actually while you were there too. And I saw some kid going to town looking at a vanilla cone. And then Nick and Nick was like well guys. I'll catch you in a minute. Two hundred yards away. Parody once it went to Nick walked out of McDonald's and went into the Tiki Theater. Side of friend.

Willer arrest. Poor old guy. You're your go to jackoff spot. This kid was going to town. He's really licking this vanilla cone. I said look at this kid. Look in this cone. This is what this is what it's all about.

You know what I mean why? Right. This is what America is all about. It's why this is this chain is an institution. Well did you like I feel like a free vanilla cone was like a coupon I got as a kid for like in some sort of reward type situation where it was like in the back of a thing like if you're under X amount of years and you have this you get a free because I remember going like my mom being like all right go run in and get yourself a cone or whatever

and like waiting in line with my coupon. I also feel like when like you did like any sort of like a Boy Scouts or something like that dumb shit you get a vanilla cone. Vanilla cones classic. Very there was there was a McDonald's at the park where that it was that I used to go to all the time and they had they was like a limited menu but they had the vanilla cone there that are the Sunday. The Caramel Sonnet.

Look. But up up up up vanilla cone. Yeah. It's a classic for a reason. And again vanilla is a flavor. I want to say vanilla cone is a real contender in this bracket dick. I think so. I think you might be right.

Vanilla is a flavor a very delicious flavor and I don't think many people do it better than McDonald's. That's true. I love Haagen-Dazs vanilla bean. I think is one of the better vanilla flavors out there but fucking McDonald's vanilla the fake the fakeness of their vanilla is powerful in a way. And maybe it's tied to my like amygdala or some shit from like a fuck. Can I say one thing.

Yes. I'll say the one bad thing about vanilla cones. I get size envy from them. Yeah. When you're watching the kid eat it. Next up the four seed apple pie versus the 13 seed chocolate chip cookie. I don't even know what to say. Moving on is the best one.

Apple pies very often are searingly hot when you bite into them. Thankfully I did not have that experience with this apple pie that I had. It was a good texture on the outside good level of warmth on the inside. The chocolate chip cookie a little warm little warmth to it. Not something they're known for here but I thought it was pretty good. I lit night softened and chewy. I ate my apple pie at like the perfect time from ordering it. I ate it like five minutes into my 15 minute drive home from the McDonald's and it was

just absolutely perfect. Like the French fries weren't even the right temperature right at that point usually you're go to stealing your drive through shit early as fries for me the apple pie was on top. I popped it. I was like damn this thing is freaking good made me wish I had that and vanilla cone going at the same time. Oh yeah. That's heavy.

I wish I could be fucking slapping them but taking turns slapping them on my tongue. Putting them both in my mouth at the same time. I had a week showing from the apple pie. Oh wow. You know for something that's ranked pretty high yeah it did not have its A game but up up up up up up chocolate chip cookie. Oh the cookie didn't show up at all wow yeah I was a little wow mine was cold it was not good.

Sus you can agree with this you were there. I have to be impartial unfortunately. Oh Jesus. I ate my cookie in restaurant and that may have been part of it. After the verdict comes in I feel like you can't affect it. Yeah that's a normal thing in the NBA after the game refs can be like thank god they won I was really rooted for that team. Well no he's not refing the items he's calling us.

Oh okay never mind it's not NBA. We ate the cookie in store too Iger. I ate everything in store. So this one just has some consistency issues because mine was nice and warm and a little melty. My cookie was pretty good but the apple pie was it's McDonald's apple pie I'm coming in with some nostalgia for that. To all American things McDonald's and apple pie and it's moving on to the next round.

Next up the six seed four piece McNuggets versus the eleven seed strawberry sundae McNuggets making their first appearance as just themselves their first solo appearance. You might say four piece McNuggets well that's like a main but I think of that size that's justified as a size that's a side that's our reasoning correct Mitch? Yes I go I go with McNuggets and Lua fries even at McDonald's where I I just prefer I just don't want to have nuggets burger and fries so I just get a burger I get one of that like usually double cheeseburger or a quarter pound or a Big Mac and then nuggets on the side and I would like to say I get four piece but I'm often getting a nine piece

as a side. Ah fuck dude I'm a savory over sweet guy this category is in the bag for me yes even though I really have not had McDonald's nuggets since the last time I was sitting at this table. I wonder what who will be the victor here this is this was closer than I'd like to admit it was and not for me I mean we know all about McNuggets I just want to say something about the strawberry sundae that's strawberry it's just like strawberry preserves or something mixed in with with vanilla ice soft serve I'm just like what are you doing give me give me something give me a better I got a new strawberry sauce.

Four nuggets not enough that is like not a controversial take here not enough for sure not enough I'm not if I went into McDonald's and I got four nuggets I wouldn't be happy right but if we're talking about a strawberry sundae maybe oh okay fair enough if it's if you're having one item yeah you might choose the sundae is like more of a complete we're doing this is a straight up match up this is a straight up match but I think what weger said it comes into play here it really reeks of like a frozen version of fruit on the bottom Danny yeah for sure like weird syrupy fruit and then the ice cream it's not I think it was like can I say something strawberry milkshake it would be dope can I say something I've never

had fresher strawberries than I had in McDonald's that's okay but up up up up strawberry sundaugas four piece McNugas strawberry sundae was my choice who gets a four piece who has who gets a four piece it's just in the head-to-head apparently gaber's and I in this scenario we had sweet and sour barbecue and hot mustard as our dipping switch were great we thought that you thought this last category was the this one is the nail biter for me here we go the three seed hash browns versus the 14 seed buttermilk tenders wow so tenders versus nuggets is an interesting debate that we we may not get to see this that match up or we very well maybe if tenders makes the upset could be a whole fucking month of this podcast

yeah are you might be right so you're in the back burner are you gonna 24 much madness we're at Mitch's grave comparing tenders her mom's here is the new his mom's here is the new co-host what what what if my grave like near my grave it just stunk bury me ass up so I could fought into fucking heaven bro like when you want like it's like people are like don't go near the Mitchell grave like stinks near the Mitchell grave like what happens to you on planes is just happening to you in death people just blaming you for a foul no but I'm saying what if just near my grave it just fucking stinks you're saying because of you you're saying you would be the cause yeah okay you're not a smelly guy your big guy you're not a smell I don't

think my body decomposing oh yeah it's just a lot yeah what if like what if the grass is growing like a thousand times faster than anywhere else like over your grave too much feet yeah so many nutrients there's like there's like a like a like a little shop of horrors type plant growing out there's like an oak tree that a branch falls off of and becomes a magic wand for like a 14 year kid we learn spells or some shit like the toy we got from onward which is gonna be everybody's favorite Pixar movie we're all gonna be talking about it we're all gonna be quoting it pratt my friend I'm very happy for him I called him up when this happened I said I'm happy about onward I'm looking forward more to this is where his agent was mouthing Mike Mitchell he's in ghost

draft with you tomorrow war I do not I of course even after filming I don't have his number he didn't let me have his number time out your second time out we need to talk about the hash grounds of the buttermilk tenders we haven't talked about it at all we're almost out of time 40 seconds left so I'm using some of my time out so we can actually have this discussion we don't McDonald's hash browns are fucking great they're so so good they're absolutely stellar they're up there with fries as an obvious second pairing as a side but I gotta say these buttermilk tenders fucking surprised me they are good I they're like better than any fast casual tenders I've ever had they're better than they have any business being exact McDonald's for sure they can only climb

to such heights because they're just fucking chicken I'm still playing with the toy and also they're not nuggets that's that that to me is a big big assembly I prefer a no prefer the nugget for me this was easy maybe I don't like the hash brown boy okay I'm like based on the last four times you've done this now we have 40 seconds left in the conversation I don't know if we need those 40 seconds butter butter butter butter butter tender wow sorry I had to be honest to myself a surprising one of us one of us flipped the hash brown was way saltier than I remember it I know we have 30 seconds I'm sorry the hash brown was way saltier than I remember and the butter tender surprised really surprised me really truly surprised me okay next up the seven seed hot fudge sundae

perhaps seeded a little low versus the 10 seed the Oreo McFlurry also perhaps seeded a little low one might argue here's what I'm gonna say about this match up yes this this game went into triple overtime wow this was the fucking battle of the tournament so far this that's a good call because they're they're also similar items so even if you have like a preference for dessert it's not like it's dessert versus savory or egg versus non-egg I could see like these are both in the same family but two different styles two different flexes on the chocolate ice cream blend this was one at a shot at the buzzer put the other team up by one and and I think the other the other the the one that got eliminated could have made it to a final four or lead eight but I don't know what

you guys are gonna vote for so I don't know what's going ahead I'll throw in real quick the Oreo McFlurry I loved when the McFlurry came around yes I love cookies and cream as an ice cream flavor I think the McFlurry texture at McDonald's is not as good as I remember it maybe I've now since had like fancier ice cream places and the texture just wasn't as strong as I remember here it was like because it's a little smoother and lighter it actually tastes more artificial than the ice cream in the hot fudge I just want to say the I just want to say the impartial ref is not in his head he's giving me the thumbs up he's handing Mitch cash no one has any idea what's he's a Tim Donagie for sure I do like the Oreo McFlurry I do like the McFlurry's in general

but the hot fudge sundae has a nostalgic factor for me and also the addition very good the addition of heat like that that temperature difference you get that hot fudge over that cold ice cream is so fucking satisfying for sure for me this is the money sundae here yeah wow wow Oreo McFlurry eliminated hot fudge sundae moving on the seven seed next up this is bad news because look we know the answer for this last one right we're not at least a McFlurry will bake it into the McFlurry's gonna make it but I think that the wrong McFlurry's right I think it just hey sometimes you get paired up against a tough team in the first round yeah and because you're right versus apple slice yes this is our the two seed and M&M McFlurry the 15 seed apple slices the final

match up of this round and I think you're right the Oreo McFlurry is better than the M&M McFlurry 100% this this seeding is is baffling to me I know we all agree to it but the seeding is insane I mean this is a tough you know this is like a fucking weird category it's got like breakfast side items and full like nugget and shit so it's complicated I get it but I this is this last one is a fucking gimme yeah I can't believe I tried apple slices for this the apple slices I just that's when my stomach started hurt is when I had the apple slices it's your first apple I just like I don't think sliced apples in a bag works the apples see they have to do something to preserve them to keep them from going brown and they taste a little bit just like treated or

artificial even if it's all natural ingredients and I'd give me a whole apple I'd rather eat a whole apple yeah something happens to the apple slices that like happen to like puffy cheese doodles right where it feels like there's way more air in the bite of apple than there should be you're like why is there air inside this why is this like light and mealy and not crispy and part of it is they don't have the skin on it yeah which is like maybe especially when you're eating it sliced like the skin is integral or else you're just eating a fucking weird yucca sweet yucca root or some shit if there were apple slices in the garden of Eden Adam and Eve they wouldn't even have fucked they nothing would have happened what do you think god there was M&M McFlurry's for them

if there was if there ever no McFlurry's in the garden you know I would have snaked my way in there and there'd be no they would have never have been on original sin stop rattling the mic you keep hitting the mic oh relax what's just not good for audio mad at me no I'm not mad at you I said everything's fine I love that you screamed you're mad at me for the first hour of the podcast and then after the break said I'm mad at you and we're like oh well there it is no that unpacked it is there is there is no I know I know the small m&m's the baking size M&M's the M&M McFlurry I don't like I'd like I'd rather they were bigger M&M's completely different candy completely different candy yeah not I disagree I do like the smaller M&M's but

they're all too hard too much that's the issue too much shell give me the give me the other ones full-sized ones chopped up would be even better way you don't normally have mcdonald M&M's anyway let's get this over with either way there's gonna be Wayne Zelinski's coming back there's gonna be a new honey-eyes from the kid written by the the S tier gay russ and I M&M McFlurry M&M McFlurry of course but I want to say that the apple slices are good they're better than subway apple slices have you ever had a subway apple slices game I mean I'm not trying to work there yeah and Gad is not the S tier you guys I'll take you guys over Gad any day of the week yeah it depends if you're doing comedy or doing something that has some music in it like if you want to be

funny yeah you could put me in you in it but if you want it to have music or like represent some sort of like taste like the LeCroy of comedy then you got Josh Gad you got Josh Gad he has that's a foul against Gad well Gad's been fouling me unbeknownst to him for a decade all right you also have no access to Gad if you could do Doe Boys with Nick Weigel and Josh Gad you'd do it absolutely no triple listeners overnight yeah yeah I mean that would be a bigger show he's a star but this is that would be not nearly as much fun to do don't ask him what would it be like if I switched without with Mitch motherfucker M&M McFlurry is going on I think it's got a tough road ahead of it it's it's highly ranked but it's we're gonna see but I think that McFlurry texture thing is

going to come into play in later rounds yeah I think that I can't speak for a future guest but for sure I think it's a two-seat that got in based off of of reputation like a UNC that kind of had an off year so to recap the one-seat fries these are the winners the one-seat fries nine-seat happy meal hamburger five-seat vanilla cone four-seat apple pie six-seat four-piece McNuggets three-seat hash browns seven-seat hot fudge sundae two-seat M&M McFlurry again another round where most of the favorites won except for the nine-seat doing the small upset over the eight-seat here we go the final region burgers and chicken and we are starting with a big one perhaps the biggest item of all at mcdonald's big is right there in its name number one seed big mac taking on 16

seed artisan grilled chicken sandwich big mac yeah next up the hold on a second worst bite of the tournament goes to the artisan grilled chicken sandwich it's fucking gross it's gross it's it's loaded with like like just this cummy mayo and then the texture of the hold on a second we don't know what you did to your sandwich it's covered in cummy mayo it's all over my blue russell sweatpants or whatever he whatever he's tweeting today uh the the texture of that chicken breast that boneless skinless chicken breast is so bad mine is rubbery and tasted fishy yeah it's almost like it almost is gooey it's and the bun to chicken ratio is wild it does not work it's absolutely wild it's like three inches to an eighth of an inch i also mine and dick to mitches

two and a half two and a half hard that's that's fair it destroyed the grilled chicken it's my worst bite of the tournament tournament tasted fishy and also brings up another point in another mcdonald's downfall tomatoes they have bad tomatoes not great major tomatoes okay for sure so i should say while we're just in this category i am a very vocal against tomatoes on sandwiches and burgers and i did the thing where i had a bite of each one of these with tomatoes as is and then i took the tomatoes off and ate the rest of all these sandwiches but i had one as is i'm gonna be voting as if i didn't have any tomatoes because that wouldn't it just ruin sandwiches for me i like tomatoes but i don't like the roma tomatoes they got on this

bad boy there's i miss the thin these tomato big mac ones they used to use the ones that were like just thin and sort of just like a layer of goo that was blended right now they have that thicker and smaller and they put like two weird circle like silver dollar size shit on there i i think that the the the this grilled chicken sandwich in the tomatoes on there i liked everything that i had at mcdonald's truly almost every item i ate i enjoyed we said that we liked the oatmeal we said we like the yogurt parfait this was one of the only things i didn't like yeah it was one of the very very bad next up the eight seed mcdouble versus the nine seed double cheeseburger so the difference here you got two patties on both of them one slice of cheese in the mcdouble two slices

of cheese in the double cheeseburger that's the only difference every other component is the same might be just different enough for me boys might be just what daddy needed was one little extra slice of cheese i will say that was my gambling impression it turns out i think that the slice of cheese makes a difference it really really does for the better or for the worse oh i mean interesting i think yeah i mean all right bottom up on double cheese burger yeah truly a truly a classic bite it's like that sandwich is just such a it's so good and one of if you time a double cheeseburger right and you get light light congealing of cheese and mayo and shit like into one little brick oh that's a good bite yeah it's uh the cheesiness just and also this look this seems going

deep into this bracket it's going deep unless it's playing big mac mac yeah it is it's up against big mac next oh the bracket to me that's to me that's not a gimme yeah to me that's a battle to me that's a true battle that's like i'm gonna tune in unless it's on the double i can't stop playing with a toy can someone take it away from me i will say the double cheeseburger one of natalie's favorite menu items at uh at mcdonald's sussers now playing with the toy it's a lot of fun and uh i think i think that's designed a good taste i think it's like walle and ermah have been cursed and became mentioned so let's move on sussers wearing a black and white shirt the five-seed mcchicken up against the 12-seed filet of fish we have sky versus sea who classic battle of air

versus ocean if you could control one which would you rather control see i'm gonna see i would be a sea guy too but then sky look with with sky you can fly yeah with yes with see you can see but with see you see you can see with sky you can fly yeah but with the sky i mean i feel like i we wandered into a trolls cave was giving us like a riddle of magic powers now also i'm gonna say this that if you were in the ocean like my fears i've told you this before that my fears to wake up in the middle of night falling in the dark and then falling into the ocean i think that's very scary oh jeez that's like uh that's that's my worst nightmare it'll you'll have flashbacks to when you were in that uh in a tank being fed fish for a year and a half after college i never

did some mislabeling at the airport you ended up in seaworld for a full year now i have nightmares about waking up in my fucking tank i was never on i was never i never i was never put in a tank at seaworld a minute and a half for me look i look i think look i haven't had a fly of fish since i lent 1993 it's been a long time for me i think i would never order yeah never order i don't go to mcdonald's enough to get to like some a lot of these menu items but mcchicken i wish i could fucking is up there for me mcchicken i think i love the mcchicken but i just am also thinking of like fat 1993 gamers getting the filet of fish there and i'm being so pissed at my mom makes me get it on her friday filet of fish the the our president the man i refer to as the orange buffoon one of

his favorite menu items mcdonald's he calls it the fish delight well guess what yeah ba ba ba ba mcchicken fuck you president trump i want to throw some uh some credit to mcdonald's mayo here very strong is great their mayo heats up great yeah like their mayo warm i just want to fucking pump that all over my lower back it's somehow perfect on the mcchicken spray down my lower back with hot mickey mayo it's somehow perfect on the mcchicken and doesn't work at all in the artist and grill chicken yeah i think it's just the the the texture of it but you know what yeah the filet of fish isn't bad i don't remember them ever having cheese on mc fishy delight that's what he calls it he called it the fish delight yeah the fish delight what's wrong with him he never

fucking looked at a mcdonald's menu in his life someone's getting it for him he said he he probably tells his subordinate to get him a fish delight and then at some point someone correct him something it's actually called the filet of fish sir and he says well people call it filet of fish other people call it the fish delight you know it you know the way a lot of people are saying that uh fish delight is actually a better name well guess what come november we won't have to listen to how many we've got some of the biggest fish in the world coming up to me tears in their eyes saying thank you mr trump for saying that we're a fish delight these are big tough fish and they're saying thank you mr trump crying big strong guys i pardoned the filet of fish war criminals

come november president buddha jay wow come november come come november come november come come november what is what is there's a no no not no is it no not november yeah it's no not November yeah i wasn't gonna there should be a pro come month oh there is there is it's it's dump out december oh really i thought it was destroyed december that's how i've heard jesus yeah you're supposed to jack off once per whatever calendar day of the month it is in december yeah on december 31 right before new year's you gotta get 31 loads wow and you and the last one has to be at the countdown it has to be at like five ideally after you have to run jeremy it when you know you ever see him when he counts down the strokes and he's like one and then he

just comes like he times it perfectly guys a fucking hero am i should get him on the double dude i think i'm not gonna listen how uh what's our time looking like so burgers versus one cheeseburger this is a great the two cheeseburgers versus one cheese four seed two cheeseburgers the 13 seed one cheeseburger this match up brought to you by wimpy this is this is this is uh this is that this harris's favorite meal was the two cheeseburger meal yes in honor of harris i mean it's also like a menu one of the better decisions the guy's made in his life dear lord

dear god like the addition of a slice of cheese to the double cheeseburger versus the mcdouble i feel like the addition of a cheeseburger it's good that it's just a one cheeseburger a week after the anniversary that he passed away what the two cheeseburgers the additional cheeseburger i think go it puts it over the top for me and it is a menu item it's it's presented as two cheeseburgers and i think that's a very one of the better options honestly on the entire savory side of the menu hell yeah two cheeseburgers cheeseburgers moving on defeating the 13 seed one cheeseburger next up the six seed 20 piece chicken mcnugget i gotta say yeah tv time out here uh i want to point out that i was with uh mitch and rather than just

ordering one cheeseburger to evaluate this decision he got two cheeseburgers and then got one cheeseburger and then took bites of all of them this is true yeah it's true i just just for the listeners out there you know i probably annoyed you this episode you all love liger they like you i did what i have to do i got the two cheeseburger meal and a single cheeseburger and i took bites out of all of them mitch because i care thank you for your service thank you mitch mitch i god bless you harris you scabris you monster what if anyone would have liked that joker would have been i know i'm using it now we were at we you have said that we're been at odds but i'm not mad at you you're worried that i am that i'm mad at you but on here this is why this

works we were on the same page we didn't even know what each other's plans were we went independently i got two cheeseburgers and a third cheeseburger and i was comparing what it was like to bite into two of them in sequence versus biting one of them on their own wow and you know what two is better two is better than one it is better than just how it works it is and you know what i think this is an underdog that could go i mean not an underdog but it's the two cheeseburgers could go very very far it could be the final four it's a contender here's my pitch three cheeseburgers have we thought about three think about that little rocket man with third cheeseburger isn't this also a person of your dad you said before and it's sort of a would be a pitch of his why don't they do three

cheeseburgers all right the six seed 20 piece chicken mcnuggets versus the 11 seed quarter pounder with cheese deluxe i'm going to use a word that i was taught by recent guest emi blotnik a new fan favorite enemy blotnik a lot of a lot of blotnik heads out there yeah she's hysterical and was a wonderful guest on your pocket it's great the the quarter pounder with cheese deluxe which has lettuce and tomato on with the regular ingredients that are already on the quarter pounder that's ungepochka it's it's one thing too many i don't need that extra shit give me the quarter pounder with cheese 20 piece chicken mcnuggets too many mcnuggets but if you're asking me which of these i'd rather have the answer is the choice is clear for me you could but that

20 piece nugget you could always eat 10 and then use 10 to lure mitch into some sort of trap dig a big hole lead a little chicken nuggets all the way out there until he falls in it then you send him down a basket of lotion we're gonna make a fat suit it's like a this is silence of the lambs i'm gonna buy make you into a suit and then not be able to fit into you like you've got to be fucking kidding me mitch is too tight very 2020 pitch a gender swapped silence of the lambs where it's a where it's like a lady buffalo bill capturing big men to make a man suit buffalo billy eilish that's my pitch too bad funnier die doesn't make short still i know no man yeah i'd definitely be directing that for 75 dollars and do they pull their clit out to make

a little dick and go do you think i'm six do you think i'm a bad guy would you fuck me i think i'm a bad guy why yeah what do you think of when you see buffalo bill in that movie i think small hog i'll say i've done the buffalo bill oh jeez that's all it's where you keep a woman in the hole in your house now we have a complicated marriage are you talking about the man giant yeah you tuck your you do a little tuck and you sort of see what it looks like with a little bush there yeah hashtag not enough to talk hashtag people ask me about tucks currently and hashtag i'm not untuck man try 30 seconds it's it's tough to it's tough to get everything i can't tuck but it's very hard oh yeah what do we do what's all that what is going on down there

i i wonder what goes on down there with your own stuff no with weigur oh yeah we don't want to get in why does the tuck and then he looks like a fucking lemur with a huge tail all right and it's got rings on it let's render a verdict here his own lipstick ring weigur can i say this double i get to see it we get we get to look i'm not going to show you my dick 20 piece chicken nuggets what yeah what tier of patreon did we get a picture of nix hog on a purple pillow i mean i'm like if this if this pilot i worked on doesn't get picked up to series i'll probably just start an only fans because what am i doing at this point yeah 20 piece nugget i got sweet and sour ranch and honey honey's my favorite dip two the tomatoes on this quarter

pounder deluxe get the tomatoes out of there yeah we don't need them okay next up the the three seed six piece chicken McNuggets you haven't really even have fouls for a while i people are not gonna like the foul no people are gonna like it people like that stuff i think the whistling is gonna be annoying to people to listen to this is going great it's almost done this we're almost done we can get out of this if you stop complaining six-speed chicken three-seed six-piece chicken McNuggets versus the 14-seed buttermilk crispy chicken sandwich guess what yeah this buttermilk crispy shit give me the big chicken what was the difference is just like a little more breaded because i didn't fully find the flavor difference but i didn't like it it's fancier and it's on like

that that sudo brioche bun they have which i don't like that bun get the bun out of here yeah the the actual protein itself is decent yes well again the tomato the tomatoes are fucking those are ice it's an iceberg to the titanic they're sinking everything that every time you put the tomato on a sandwich it's fucking sinking why another i have a very curious how 20 piece go if 20 piece goes up against six piece it'll be like sort of like a rorschach test for how much you hate yourself well guess what it's going up against we will have a mcnugget face off in round two the 20-piece chicken mcnuggets will take on the six-piece chicken mcnuggets we will see which mcnug's reign supreme and finally i got honey mustard with my six piece by the way i just

letting people know i've been doing hot mustard loving that hot mustard oh we got some i mean susser and i got hot mustard too with our other way with the 20 piece right yeah but sides stay in the slip or dips dips get the slip we're gonna do we're gonna do another tournament that it can i say it yeah we'll do a double word we'll talk about some dips we're gonna do some dips we'll we'll center it on dips and and other stuff that you have there that aren't part of the the menu proper uh our final two matchups the seven seed double quarter pounder with cheese versus the ten seed quarter pounder with cheese and bacon bacon qpc is as commonly known it's it's just a matter of would you rather have that extra patty or would you rather have a slab of bacon for me

this is a no-brainer give me call yeah call me dug funny call me selma i need another patty damn that's good very good i don't you know what i can't top that but i pop up uh double quarter pounder with cheese yeah this i feel like is this a real contender moving forward has no bacon oh wait there hasn't the breakfast region yes bacon bacon has just taken these things out left and right it's it's mostly a liability except for places except for the few items where it's a where it's the main protein on the breakfast side as you were saying the final matchup the two seed quarter pounder with cheese versus the 15 seed hamburger hamburger showed us something in mcnugget i'm sorry the happy meal showdown hamburger i think i kicked its coverage

over performed a little bit i think that's the wrong expression i kicked its coverage i shouldn't have said that hamburger it's like almost so classic it like benefits from it yes i mean that tasted like a field trip absolutely tasted like tasted like soccer practice yeah i can explain it but to me it kind of maybe turned me back on hamburgers i've been going cheese crazy for years now a classic hamburger is delightful the mcdonald's hamburger is great i almost didn't do the hamburger because i had the cheeseburger and i was like oh i don't need the hamburger i can kind of guess and then when you were i grabbed in last minute's roundups for me i was like just grab me a plain hamburger too and i took a bite of it it's not as good as the cheeseburger it's something different

but it's fucking great still very good still very satisfying unfortunately is up against perhaps my favorite lunch item at mcdonald's this is a love the qpc the qpc fucking rules i'm very curious where people fall on qpc versus dqpc like because i think and i'm a guy who usually wants more i think the single quarter pounder is even better than the double quarter pounder i think the ratio is just perfect the qpc dqpc sounds like porn hub search terms yeah cf and m qpc i want to watch cloth female jerk off a naked guy onto a quarter pounder would choose oh that's too specific for you i would watch that video if only at the last second someone came in and swiped the burger before it came it delivered it to my house and delivered it that way i knew it didn't get come on it but

there was fucking near it i wanted to feel like the dicks were out near it but no come on you know for what's going on we did a pilot of it and i and they blindfolded me and they took me to the set of a porno do you know of this no they're like you're on the new set of a porno not a new set of a porno they're like you're on a new set of a movie and i was like is it the x-men movie and then they unfolded me and there was a man and woman fucking in front of me that's very true this is a hundred percent true and then i beat was the sound guy was the bit for the rest i like was the sound guy and this is also true they were like you can be the sound guy and the scumbucket and they gave me they like gave me like rags of like cleaning up shit and i was holding a bag it

was fucking disgusting i guess i've never talked about this no that's not a set of a fucking porno did that make the quarter pound cheese was it upward is unanimous wow so here we go i'm promoting your pilot you said quarter pound cheese might be your favorite lunch item yes yeah the that and the double cheese burger are just like it's a coin flip for me what i think is just the best like burger like i like a mcchicken but i'm going to mcdonald's i'm getting the qpc or the dcb why you would have been hog heaven on this set man there was fucking guys that guys had some pipes oh my god there's just some power tools it was like i was in the plumber's union it was fucking pipes everywhere so the winners of this so the burgers dude i made pencils into the guys your

ether and goes down like it's a fight the one seed big mac wins the nine seed double cheese burger the five seed mcchicken the four seed two cheeseburgers the six seed 20 piece chicken mcdonald gets the three piece six piece chicken mcdonald gets seven seed double quarter pounder with cheese two seed quarter pounder with cheese all advancing to the round of all favorites uh mostly favorites yes yeah the double cheese burger did did pull the upset i i want to say i don't want to bring up a cheating scandal but there were no uh there was no dipping sauce for the apple pieces does that matter i think with the the contender was not at apple dippers it was apple slices these are different menu okay so the apple slices without the caramel dipping sauce and again even if it was

present dips get the slip okay and they're not going to be considered anyway then can i bring up another doping scandal yes gabris before the podcast smoked a giant blunt that's true i i'm using performance enhancers well i thought doe boys was like the xfl and that's why i came to do it i didn't know you guys tested this xfl not it doesn't do they don't test for weed that was like a headline i saw that's great i hope people like gig we get sorry i just screamed that i hope people that get drafted would have gotten drafted high in the nfl draft choose the xfl just a blaze that would be such a fucking power move i'd rather smoke weed and make one 15th of the money well it took nearly two hours but we got through the entire round of 64 was it entertaining i don't

know it was two hours of recording it was 72 hours of conversations stopping at mcdonald's eating and discussing and now we have to do it again we do you and i have to do it again with some more some more guests that we are going to be punishing uh the round of 32 continues on the doe boys double and next week's doe boys but hey it's time for a segment our friend steven ray morris has brought us some cookies that we are going to taste test if that's okay if that's all right to do it on the air uh steven tell us a little about these cookies and where they come from well my girlfriend is a chef and she was the baker of a bakery called the smile in new york and the pb and j cookie was voted one of the best cookies of new york and timeout

magazine wow this is what i want to try uh what's your girlfriend's name uh brenda white uh thank you brenda and thank you see where she's finding out that steven considers him she's like what did you say i was on the podcast this is my proposal my fiance says we got coffee twice there's a card under that steven you can give to me oh sorry it's a cat okay so we're gonna have a we're gonna take some bites of these and now i i didn't want to say this was this was snack or whack i feel like we should this is a just a cookie tasting fun thing we're just this is a all right quick pivot now that you realize that we're tasting cookies from someone who said no i knew that going in i'll tell you i'm saying even it's a snack or okay mitch overruled me i'm pretty i'm pretty confident

we're gonna uh like uh me and mitch after this meal it's gonna be pretty hard to whack i'm going to go ahead and take a picture of these i will say that the the pb and j cookie uh which is the highlight of this bakery uh as per steven it looks kind of just sort of uh like a it's not super composed it's kind of like just sort of a scattered uh like like kind of like a drop cookie like the way a smashed burger is a burger that exactly and i think it's to a positive it kind of looks like a smash like you just you just wad it up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in your hand i'm going to take a bite of this bad boy i would like to clarify that since we're now outside of the tournament i no longer need to be impartial okay and i should probably taste cookies let me guess fire saliva

real that's pooling holy shit shout out the chocolate chip what your girlfriend did here that is my new favorite thing about chocolate chips is fucking sea salt in your chocolate chip cookie it really is a game changer and that peanut butter jellies is that chocolate chip yeah yeah we're gonna say about the peanut butter and jelly that's bomb i love a peanut butter cookie i don't i'm not getting any jelly you fucked up brenda brenda or brenda brenda brenda i fucked up big time whack i'm killing myself tonight not funny uh wait i haven't tried the sugar one i taste the jelly it's just subtle which i think is nice i don't want my peanut butter and jelly sandwich to be overwhelmed with the peanut butter it's delicious that cookie

is delicious wow this is really good this cookie is flowers i don't know what kind of flowers oh the lettable flowers how about that you're gonna like this nick it's a flavor oh my god yeah that is so good the vanilla sugar one there's a fucking swarm of bees outside my door trying to get these cookies yeah this is the freshest food that's been in here in like 10 years there are flower cookies i was trying to figure out what the connection he was referring to nick as the candy man as we all know actually i can't even can't even say it again we all know nick is the candy man i'm always scared the shit out of me as a kid and then i was like i was like movie is so fucking scary i remember watching that by myself and like being terrified and i couldn't sleep

and then i looked out when it came out it came out when i was 12 years old so it's not probably on vhs as a teenager and was just like scared shitless just like a little pussy boy i shouldn't i shouldn't say pussy is a negative that's one of the strongest muscles it's one of the strongest muscles yes um jesus what is what do you think is the thing that you got the most scared at as as like an older like as you are older i mean i've been scared in this house as an upstairs i mean it's up there is there any ghostly look for me i remember specifically when i was a sophomore of college me and my roommates saw the ring and we were both scared and turned the tv around in our dorm oh adult for adult fear you mean adult fear like from a piece of media are you

saying yeah anything like that i saw Blair witch when i was 16 and i remember walking out of the theater i saw it during the daytime and the fact that it was sunny out and not dark out when i left the theater i had felt like a huge sense of relief i was like oh thank god i'm movie fuck i was very scared the i bought all the hype leading into it saw it opening day with my girlfriend and really truly for those two hours inside the movie theater was i've not not been that scared in a movie since did you think it was real i thought that there was like it was real or is based on real you know like it kind of got you a little bit but then i felt for the brain chemistry of during the movie whenever it was daytime for them i felt okay but whenever it was nighttime for them i had like

severe anxiety like my heart was racing which i was the movie completely worked on me and this was pre weed i'm gonna say this before weed was invented i thought it was real and i know now that it was there were actors but i still think it was real i think the Blair witch exists right and i hear her on a daily basis that i feel i go out i step out of my house and i fear the Blair witch and also why i've come into my apartment and like you've got you've been here or something and you're like standing in the corner like the Blair witch facing the wall facing the wall and i'm like is everything about you like everything's fine yeah i feel comfortable hey buddy hey buddy i will the the most scary i've been in my adult life was actually of a video game and i was scared

the shit out of me um the uh no i was i think it was actually it might have been it was one of the dooms i think it was maybe doom three and i was playing it with headphones like with the lights off and it had some real jump scares in there and i was just like i have to stop playing this game i was like fucking losing it i can i can handle it can i tell you that i slept in my mom and dad mom and dad's bed for too long i've talked about this before it's always like 11 right and um i played doom just cockblocking your dad for a decade my dad's also like the most believable yeah what i'm a scaredy cat man no that you were like have a weird dynamic with your mom i mean it's not weird oh yeah you guys like it's it's confusing to me that like just being so close

to a parent like that i don't have that i played doom 64 and uh it fucked with me and i slept at their foot of their bed when i was i don't even know how old i was wow probably 15 yeah say nintendo 64 i mean it was definitely in junior high that it came out and we're the same age doom 64 uh all these cookies are delicious i love all of them i think i might i might say release day where i'm in high school is my i might say the sugar cookie is my favorite overall i i might say that i like the peanut butter and jelly a lot but the chocolate chip is got huge chunks of chocolate and some sea salt and that's all i can ask for in life i'm i'm pro that thing they're all great mitch you got a favorite of these three doom 64 came out in 1997 wow were you 15 were you i was 14 okay about to

drive a car but to get your learner's permit what what's your favorite mitch um my favorite is the peanut butter and uh the peanut butter in jelly cookie uh sus also the peanut butter and jelly wow that's what snacks all around these are all snacks these are all excellent and we're not just saying that because the chocolate chip is fucking good as hell i was i was ready to say if i didn't like something i'm confident that i might not run into steven's girlfriend all too frequently in my life but they were all great they were all delicious steven thank you so much uh shout out your shout out your gf's uh your now gf's bakery one more time uh this is the smile to go and then she's on instagram at beaksles awesome check that out if you like a tasty pastry hey just like a

restaurant value your feedback let's open up the feedback today's email comes to us from brian brian writes hey guys hey guys it's me brian from family oh it's brian the dog wow how about that uh hey guys long time fan i'm home from the voice uh hey guys i don't i don't know brian impression i'm a fucking rich lover here hey guys long time fan i'm home sick from work today i have food in my fridge but i just don't feel like eating it because i crave fast food when i'm sick do you crave fast food when you're sick and if you do what are you picking p.s i love lois uh do you guys have wow he comes right out with that it's crazy he's finally investing i fast food specifically when you're sick is that a to me that's a don't i feel like i don't want fast food

when i'm sick i want comforty shit yeah but for me it's more about easy to eat like pizza and cheese quesadilla like i like a little melty bread and cheese situation for when i'm not feeling great or some sort of sand like comfort sandwich but fast food not so much but i will definitely love to order takeout when i'm or a delivery when i'm sure just not necessarily fast food if we're talking being sick it depends on what type of sick because if i'm like hungover sick which maybe you're not even classifying that is sick but that's a very different craving versus like i have uh the a cold or i have the flu sick uh or you know soon to have the coronavirus sick i like that to me is i don't want dairy at all you're in the process of trying to get it right

i'm telling you i'm bug chasing coronavirus bug chasing coronavirus uh me and weigur doing two-man improv on uh or any cruise ship that'll let us on we're going and we're licking the sneeze guard at the buffet and then doing improv i want to just briefly something that came to mind watching uh nick read the feedback i've only ever gotten to see nick do the intro on our lot when we do live shows it's very fun to be here for the kickoff of the tournament of champions uh you doing the intro it got me kind of hyped it was like you're gonna chap his ass you're kissing it so much that was the thank you for saying that gabris i just never get to do it i did it i got it in one and i fast forward through it when i listened to the other episode oh you were forced to

listen yeah i'm like when let me let the guests talk for fun all right minute 14 i'm always i always skip like it's very funny that you're always like uh you're like let the comedians on uh comedians are hacky and bad yeah i know i just i just listened to every episode of the podcast and i just want to say when i come on we do comedy you fucking asshole and that's sitting here fucking has you know uh 40 year old conflicts you guys have with your family and friends that you air out to each other we have a text me dano and in weigur have a text together oh one of my favorite text chains it's true it is a nice text chain dano is so earnest we don't let him in on the fighting that's happening between us you can't do that to dano yeah he doesn't deserve it um uh i will say

i will say to your point because i i listened to bill Simmons podcast and you know it's one of those things like i don't know if i like this or not i just like listen to it but i always skip his intro at the top and i'm always this like like just hitting the 30 second ahead just trying to get to when he says but but first barrel jam and um and i'm like being sick it sounds like bill Simmons is always it sounds like he's had a cold for like yeah that's just his normal speaking voice yeah he's got like bizarre npr fry like he's got like this bizarro version of weird radio voice uh is uh are this year's boston seltix are they the cobra kai of the nba but anyway that's a pretty good impression wise that was good i'm back on board but anyway uh i like i skipped through

that intro and then i like it hit me within the past year that they're definitely doe boys listeners who are like as soon as my intro starts after the the fucking head gum sting they're just fast forwarding through it until they hit the theme you gotta hear the head you're fucking bullshit i think a lot of them are fast forwarding through the whole episode yeah you guys aren't part of the reddit forum about feedback only i know people will only listen to the feedback that's their favorite part i remember when i had the flu i asked my mom for a for burger king i said can i please have burger king full release burger king please mom jesus and she said you're still sick and i said no i'm not and she brought home

burger king and i ate it and i fucking threw up everywhere threw up burger gang it looked like fucking american chop suey or hamburger helper or something i don't know what what helps there sorry and and but i i do feel like look when i'm hung over i do like to have like a like a and i feel like when i'm sick i've done that too like i've had pizza when i'm sick even though like in my head like a cheese pizza is playing up but it's very greasy and it's not for you it feels weirdly gentle to eat it feels yeah like it's also you like like you you like when you're sick when you're like when you're throwing like vomiting it's that sort of thing of like you uh you you know what you your taste buds can handle right if it's something that's so crazy

you're gonna you're not you're gonna be fucking thrown up or be feeling awful and i there's just some stuff that you're like oh like mac and cheese or spaghetti or anything spaghetti and butter that's just stuff that like you feel like no we're mostly we should be talking about the brat diet bananas rice toast whatever but we're like i order the other thing about ordering a pizza when you're feeling sick is you choke down a slice or two just to have calories to like keep yourself alive but then when you turn the corner and feel better you got fucking six cold slices of pizza ready for you're like now i'm fucking starving and i'm feeling better but i i do i do the big the the big ones for me just outside of fast food were like a toast with butter and then i would do

ginger ale and then sometimes my mom would make me a boston cooler which is ginger ale with a little scoop of vanilla ice cream in there i do love some effervescence a little bit of fizz is always helpful when i'm when i'm sick it for specifically if i have a cold or flu and i think it may have made at this point already but but so maybe i'm belaboring it but i just dairy i have to avoid dairy because that always makes me more congested i remember another time my dad didn't think i was sick he took me to school walliston elementary school and uh and when we got there i put my head off the window i fucking threw up uh frosted flakes all over the side of his car jesus and then we were driving home the song womb there it is was in my head i remember like i was

like celebrating in my head that i was going home from school for the day that's a double victory you get off school and you get to be right to your parents which never happens it was it was like one of those for and probably never happened again i'm a super fucked up story like that i crawled through my living room and i crawled over a piece of broken glass and i got stuck in my knee and my dad thought i was faking it and he was like walk you can walk i'm like i can't my leg hurts and i was crying he's like i know you're lying and he made me and then like he he was very apologetic after we went to the hospital and had it removed and got stitches he was like i'm really sorry but he tried tough love when he was he thought he caught me in a lie that's a crazy you a pretty

good flash into what my why my personality is the way it is that's a that's a very uh it's a very hmm yeah i get i kind of understand why you treat me the way you do because i look at you i see a mirror and i just scream at myself yeah no shit we're both sitting i'm wearing we're both sweating equally and the air conditioner is blasting on us the difference is in february the difference is you're wearing a uh a fucking muscle t and mitch is wearing i think eight layers he's gonna sleep a billa check sleeveless hoodie on underneath everything i don't want people to be able to see an ounce of me if you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants email us at don't waste podcast at gmail.com or leave us a voicemail at 830

go doh that's 830 463 6844 one last thing before i go you get coronavirus what meal you have and when you have coronavirus might be your last enjoyable meal hmm i feel like i'd want you know again i'm sick for the last factor do you have a corona when you have the corona virus you gotta right that's just good that's just good clean fun everyone can enjoy that but i think i'd want a big bowl of pho a phub avian so with some with some meatball with meatballs in it i think that'd be great one last thing before i go you asked about seeing what episode you'd see weigar's dick on would would you show weigar your dick if you could if you could see his dick i'll show him a picture of my i'll show him a picture i'll show i could show nick i could show nick a picture of your dick

and hey the tournament continues on the doe boys double catch all the snackion by joining the golden platinum play club at patreon.com slash doe boys that's patreon.com slash doe boys john gabris thank you for joining us for this you'll also be joining us for our live show breaking chews in phoenix on saturday march 14th at cb live you can get tickets to see the doe boys live with john gabris at headgum.com slash live anything else you would like to plug at this time yes check out my podcast hi and mighty or um i also have a podcast called action boys with ryan stanger ben rogers that's a patreon actionboys.biz and if you're a fucking floss with a z right yeah with a z actionboyswithaz.biz with a z also yes uh and then if you're uh flush with cash and you're you

know the double is not taken over your checking account why don't you jump over to stitch your premium use promo code gino and get a month of uh stitch your premium listen to the gino show that uh mitch guess it on and nick will be on the next season assuming those motherfuckers give me one um they can have both they can have both i'm just saying like i don't if you're gonna buy if you have five dollars extra a month use it on the double if you have ten extra dollars a month go fucking jump on stitch your premium or action boys for a couple of jump on listen to everything and jump off i don't care that's a good one i just want people to hear the shit i'm doing i mean i don't want to be a fall on deaf ears buy some paywall only for fucking business men who got it

for free at some fucking podcast conference or some shit i'm an eight dollar a month action boys with a z subscriber you are a shadow shadow wolf isn't it but isn't that isn't that on the dope boys card well it's so i'm so fucking what that means that i too am a shadow wolf thank you for listening mitch you don't listen to podcast i don't listen to podcast i know they're bad i yes i subscribe through the dope boys account so i didn't have to log into a different patreon but i would i would pay my own money for it because it's the it's well i'm just saying i'm a shadow wolf too yeah sure thank you guys both for being shadow wolves gabrys stanger and ben rogers the you guys have such a great chemistry and the most i like i get hardy belly laughs listening to you guys wow you should

put that you should put that on your website i will get hardy belly belly laughs i will i will say it's really funny that you have such a low opinion of podcasts because your experience with podcasts is only this one i too if i listen to only this podcast might not listen to any other podcast i like but give one give one a try and see what kind of shit you're putting out you might even try harder here i do try here i know i know i bit i bit three cheeseburgers why will be that's a fucking epitaph if i've ever heard one we'll be biting cheeseburgers and other mcdonald's menu items all munch along as munch madness 2020 all munch continues all munch long oh okay continues until next time for the spoon man michael i'm nick weigher happy eating see ya

on the next dough boys double the tournament of champions continues john geberling makes his triumphant return as we begin the second round of munch madness 2020 don't miss a minute of the mack attack action subscribe at patreon.com slash dough boys that's p a t r e o n dot com slash dough boys that was a hate gun podcast