Doughboys - Munch Madness: Pie Noon: Round 1 Part 1 with Jon Gabrus

Episode Date: March 4, 2021

Jon Gabrus (Action Boyz, High and Mighty) joins the 'boys to tackle the first two regions of Munch Madness: Pie Noon! Plus, another edition of Pie in This Guy.In this episode: Baskin-Robbins takes on Ben & Jerry's in the Creamsman Region, while BJ's squares off against The Cheesecake Factory in the Junior Prom Region! The 2021 Munch Madness: Tournament Of Chompions: Pie Noon is sponsored by Manscaped. Sources for this week's intro:https://shortboxing.com/why-is-boxing-called-the-sweet-science/https://www.olympic.org/boxing-equipment-and-historyhttps://www.wbcme.co.uk/ringside/how-did-boxing-start/Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. The Sweet Science. In 1813, British writer Pierce Egan coined this colorful phrase to describe boxing, the ancient Olympic event which re-emerged as a spectator sport in 17th century England. One of countless slang terms that originated from these regulated punch-out contests, the Sweet Science is still in use among boxing aficionados, meant to evoke how the blood sport requires both a chess master's tactical brilliance and a ballet dancer's grace. But the Sweet Science could also be used to describe a different sort of competition.

A tournament between dessert-themed chain restaurants slash chain restaurants that serve desserts to determine which is the treat to beat. This year, six eateries have entered the fray, plus the winners of the triple treat Egan matches, the bake-off and the shake-off, to compete for the most prestigious award in chain restaurant podcast competition, the Dave Thomas Cup. Who will outpunch their weight class and possibly push this podcast host into an even higher weight class? Which confection will win the election?

Who is this year's champion? This week on Doughboys, the opening two matches of the first round of Munch Madness 2021, the tournament of champions, Pie Noon, sponsored by Manscaped, Baskin Robbins, Ben & Jerry's and BJ's Brewhouse & Restaurant, the Cheesecake Factory. Let's go! Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weigar, along with my co-host, They Fry Now? Mr. Slice, Mike Mitchell.

They Fry Now. You know, a riff on the best movie line that ever was. I know. That's from Derrick from Long Beach, California. They Fly Now? That's, that was the, uh, is, is that? They Fly Now. That was the third.

Everyone said, like it said, like three or four times in a row. It's from Rise of Skywalker. It's like an eight minute scene and then every character who's ever set a line in the new Star Wars trilogy says they fry, they fly now. Some variant of that. Uh, Derrick from Long Beach, California writes, uh, yay, Nick, do you miss it here? We have a Shake Shack now, but it kind of sucks. Yeah.

Shake Shack is very inconsistent. Long live bacon broil and Enrique is a couple of local joints, roastspoonman at gmail.com. I remember I saw that movie in Atlanta with Sam Richardson. Yeah. I call it Con Lata. And Jen D'Angelo and Jen D'Angelo was so nervous that there was going to be a shooting to theater. Oh, man.

She thought that she thought there would be like a shoot like on the Star Wars on the first night. And after the movie was done, I kind of wish that there had been Jesus Christ. Take me out of my misery before I watch that bullshit. So our listeners obviously can't, it wouldn't have picked this up, but Emma, uh, our producer literally tugged her collar. I've never seen her do that before. I don't even think I realized I did that.

Um, it's a, it's, I'm saying I would rather death than see the movie. Well, now we got it. I was going to say like, how grim is that? That's that bad on everything that, on everything. Have you never seen it? I saw it. I saw it more than once. I saw it twice in theaters.

And then I saw that and then I watched the screener that we were sent because I guess they thought it was going to like win the Oscar. They sent it to like members of the writer's scale to vote for it for like best screen player, some shit. I guess it was insensitive. Anyways, I turned my volume down for this episode because of our guests. I just want everyone to know that it's going to be a loud, yelly episode in a good way. Um, let me, let me just, I just wanted to say that the, the, the movie theater thing

is really, cause you know, you and I love the movie, love going to the movies. I think you more so than me. I sometimes get anxiety in a movie theater, but you love going to the movies. There was a, first you were like afraid that you were going to get shot in a movie theater. And then now it's like you can't, you, you're afraid you're going to get an infectious disease that's going to kill your parents at a movie theater. And it's like when, I guess, I guess eventually when there's a vaccine and we just go back to being afraid of shootings.

You know what that means? Yeah. The tomorrow war to drop. What great look lifelong dream to then have, of course there's some fucking virus that took over the world. Anyways. Uh, and it would be on possibly beyond Amazon. Um,

It's great. I'm excited. I don't know. To Spoon Nation. And here is a little drop legs. I will want to drink the dressing. I will want to drink the dressing, the dressing I will want to drink the dressing. I don't want to drink the dressing.

I'm not a big dressing drinker. I want, I need to drink it. Dan, that was funky. That was really good. Hi Mitch. Kenny here from Summerville, Massachusetts. Summerville. I mean, yeah.

I hope you and the boys are having fun at home during Quincy style. I'm sorry. I hope you and the boys are having fun at home doing Quincy style keg stands kegs full of ranch dressing. By the way, the Burger King on Mystic Ave in Medford is particularly good. Thanks for all the laughs during this crazy year. Also, if you like the music, you can check out my music over at Ken. Oh God, Ken Doe closer to the screen, closer to the screen to amazing visual here.

Mitch keeps leaning in further and further towards his laptop. It's K. E. N. D. A. U. X dot band camp dot com. Like, like American Pie band camp. What, what like font point are you using? I could not believe how close you had to get to the your webcam to read that. Why? When I was young, I was extremely nearsighted. Did you know that?

And my mom, I talked about this plenty of times. Yeah, you mentioned this before. They thought I was going to go blinded one eye. But honestly, over the years, that's supposed to switch. It's supposed to switch back. You were diagnosed with teddy bear eyes, a lesser known disease where you have just two little black buttons in the middle of your plush fucking head. Nine minutes.

I waited to talk on this dumb. Can't do 30 seconds ahead. When you're the guest on a podcast, you can only do it when you're listening to a podcast. Well, I was thrown off by the whole beginning. Weigher made me feel like I said something I shouldn't say. And now I'm nervous. I don't know.

I did. Did I fuck up? No, you're fine. You're fine. It's not. It's not your fault, America's bad. Yeah. No one knows you went to the the TLJ or whatever the fuck the movie was called

with the rise of Skywalker. You went there with a gun with one bullet. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Only take it out myself. Our guest today, an actor and comedian who hosts the podcast, Hi and Mighty and Action Boys, the great John Gabriel is back. Hi, Gabriel. Hi, Weigher.

Hi, Mitch. Hi, Emma. Thank you for having a high drop King. I never met him. So I'm not a I don't feel beholden to say hello to him. What's up, freaks? I miss you guys. I can't believe how much I miss you guys.

And then one minute into Mitch trying to and here's a drop. I was like, oh, I got two hours of this shit. Looking forward to this all week long. The second it starts, I'm like, oh, another hour and a half of like WX dot Z dot band camp. Hey, we got to give him a shout out. That was it was a good that was a great drop. It was a good drop.

Great drop. It was a really good drop. I feel like listeners should pay attention to this episode and see that drop and go, that's an actual idea. That's like a take on something. That's a demonstration of talent and capability. And he's got not everyone else is just like, done, done, done, come. I think that's pretty good.

Yeah, I know that one's pretty solid, actually. When we saw the rise of Skywalker in the theaters with Ben Rogers and Garrick Bernard, and she goes, my name's Ray. And they're like, is that all? Or like, what's your last name? And it's the end of the movie. And this movie has been so bad the entire time. I never talk in a theater, but I just turn and go, Donovan to

like, ruining this huge moment of this movie because it was so boring. By the time it came, I felt it was OK to talk shit at the screen. It turned into Rocky Horror at that point. Just a dull slog. And then also and then the payoff from that moment is like, that's not earned. You didn't know she is not Ray Skywalker. Although Lando fucking his daughter was earned. I like that. Yeah.

They love the last name thing in the Disney Star Wars. They did the same move within solo. But someone had a character having no last name. And then that last name getting some some story importance. Like, people just have names. That's like the third beat of a bad Harold, I feel like often it's like. And that character the whole time that was President William Jefferson Clinton. Oh, OK, I guess that's like semi earned, you know.

And you kind of get that applause from improv students who are like, well, that was interesting. They like kind of work that that's like the movie ends with that. It's like this is like a hundred million dollar movie. And it ends with like two characters saying the same word at the same time, black out. I feel like the only thing I remember for that movie is the big worm. That's like one of the only things that that big worm up from solo. You are you thinking of Friday?

You definitely have solo and the movie Friday confused right now. I would never happen so often. Never. I would never R.I.P. to Tiny Lister, Debo. Debo is the fucking best. He's awesome. But I remember there's like a big worm in a cave. And then, of course, like the the Snoke clones is kind of the other thing I remember. Oh, they've got the worm in the cave in in episode nine.

But in solo, there's like the warm queen who's underground. That's one of the only good parts of so that part's cool. Yeah, that's why that opening sequence. Yeah. Yeah. That's like the movie. I don't care about how he becomes solo. Just let me see him be like a little street scamp fucking running scams. Like that's a fun idea for like solo done like the Mandalorian,

I think would have been a much better of like just him being a young smuggler and doing like 100 percent for sure. Yeah, because it's like it's like the cold open for last crusade where we see River Phoenix R.I.P. as young Indiana Jones. But it's not like the only the only beat we get of like how he becomes Indiana Jones is just like, oh, he like grabs a hat. Yeah, like we don't need like we don't need all that shit. You know, we don't need to see how everything I like the Hobbit movies,

but like there's a part where like we learn how how Bilbo sword got named Sting. And it's just like, I don't give a shit. I don't care why this is called Sting. Like it can just be called Sting. We don't need to explain this to me. That makes it this makes the world building less interesting. I want to see a burger. I want to see a Nick Weigar origin story where a young Nick on the young Nick

Weigar rolls up into a ball for the first time and sucks himself off. So we're talking movies. How would that happen? Like you're like you're like you're stretching like you're like stretching on the floor and I dropped a I don't know. I don't I'm trying to think of how you how you could get there, how you could get to the point of where you look, mom, I can hold the banana in my asshole and eat it.

That wasn't the banana. That's perfect. Been there, brother. Yes, so we're talking movies. We only have four restaurants to go over. So let's get a little more. These movies are from a couple of years ago, too. So let's get to more modern movies.

I did want to talk about movie snacks, which I know we've covered on this podcast. But Gabriel, I don't know if we've gotten your opinions on what you like to munch on in a movie theater or if you're watching a film at home. Oh, home, I like entrees. I like real food. I love like the full little Alamo experience at home. Like we try to time it and we leave them the movie on pause before it starts for when we get our food so that we're allowed five minutes of food discussion

that doesn't step on the movie. Oh, that's so like I mean, this is what happens when my poor wife is married to a guy who gives too much of a shit about takeout and movies. I'm like, we need five minutes to discuss how good the takeout is. And then the movie starts and then we're done talking about the food. OK, I like all these stupid rules. I'm the same way. I I I I always will.

And for me, a lot of the times at home, like pizza, obviously pizza is a big one. But sure, I will I'll I'll eat a little bit. But I always try to start the movie like when I've at least had two slices. I'm trying not to eat too much while the movie's on because I'm not I'm going to just be paying attention to the food. And I got to I got to play a hundred percent attention to the movie. See, my problem is the opposite. I pay a hundred percent to the movie and I am like passively consuming

three thousand calories like I'm not even like it's not even registering that food is going in my body. It's like, wow, we had three orders of general so's. It's like we had a game. Why you call me Gabriel's Tiff? She wanted she wanted me to tell you guys. Tell them thank you for all the weight gain this week. Well worth it because we know that's nice.

She she took the ride with me on a lot of these places we were going to we're going to talk about later. We there was my mom. My mom took the ride with me. God, it's pathetic as coming out. But for movie theater snacks, I'm a big beverage guy. I like a tree beverage in there because I'm usually very stoned. And so like every movie for me now, especially because nothing is

below one hundred and thirty five minutes. Every movie for me now is a three way race between cottonmouth, my bladder and the film's runtime of like thirsty. But if I drink any more, I might have to sprint to try to guess when I can leave. But I saw the Irishman in a fucking in the theater stoned as hell with just a bottle of water and I had to pee like an hour in. But I was all the way in like the fucking up against the wall. So I was like taking bottle cap sips of water like every eight minutes.

I was allowing like I felt like I was in this is my version of like alive or alone where I like try to survive watching the Irishman in a theater at the. That's that's that I the only time I ever even think about like, oh, shit, I got to piss so bad is in movie theaters. And like I always am just holding it for so long. Like I always like even even if it's like 20 minutes into a movie, I feel like I try to hold it to the end of a movie. I'm seeing a 90 minute movie, no issues.

But but when it's like when it's an Irishman, you're you're you're in trouble. I'm realizing I'm have I think probably when movies reopen, I'm just going to go into movies expecting to take one bathroom break. And I'm just going to be like, you know what, instead of trying to get through the whole movie, I'm just going to miss some of it. If I like the movie, I'll rewatch it instead of having like my legs crossed for the the act three, afraid I'm going to piss my pants before the post credit scene. Weigar, you are hitting the nail on the fucking head.

It's all self induced pressure. You can certainly go to the restroom during any one of these three hour fucking theme park rides that Martin Scorsese loves so much. Wags, I'm pretty sure you could go to the bathroom without leaving the theater, but I'm saying you could. Oh, yeah. It's all of a sudden that the movie theater door pushes open slowly in the fucking anacondas slithering. They got snakes out here this big as Nick's dick winds through the arc light

all the way into the urinal, into the pipes, and he deposits his urine directly in the sewer. And then rolls it all back up like a tape measure. Whips through the whips through the movie theater stops, inhales a bunch of popcorn from the popcorn machine directly into his urethane, goes to Jesus Christ goes howl, howl, howl, howl, and then goes, puts his dick back underground to help open the movie solo. Sits at Starbucks by itself, having a coffee as Nick's is watching the movie.

I really have to piss again. I feel like my dicks had two venties. OK. OK. Do you have here's another question, because we're talking sweets this month and this is the, you know, the art tournament is entirely dessert themed. Gabriel, are you a man with a sweet tooth? Do you like your sweets?

Are you more of a savory sort? I got I got a question for him, too, because after after this, it plays into this. OK, I would say I have more of a meat tooth than a sweet tooth. Same. And I know it's sort of like hack to say I'm not really a sweet guy, like, but I'm not. I'm fat, the old fashioned. I'd always rather have another. I'd rather have a second serving of dinner than have dessert

almost all of the time. But the one dessert that really cuts the line for me is ice cream. But ice cream is not like, oh, what? My wife, my lovely wife, Tiffany, she likes to have a little dessert, a little something sweet after every dinner, which she can handle because she's a grown up who can have one little scoop of ice cream or two Swedish fish or something like that. She likes a little sweet to signify that the meal is over.

Me, the meal never ends. Like I'm never full. So like introducing sweets after because it's like such a downshift and like it's different than what you were eating for dinner. I could then eat like my appetite is like refreshed because it's like a new category of food. So I can't fuck with it. Right. Too much.

Like, so it's not part of my regular habit, but I will frequently, you know, like any time it's like, you got to try the dessert at this place. I'm that guy. I'm always when in Rome. But then also, like every once in a while, something dumb and sweet gets my attention of like, you know, like Momofuku milk bar or something like that. We're all like, oh, are we get all right? I got it.

Like I got that cereal milk, white Russian after we ran that half marathon thinking that would be like a good segue into partying again. I was like, I'm sick. Sick as a fucking dog after running 13 miles in Las Vegas. I don't think I need a white Russian milkshake. Sounds good as hell. But that my eyes are bigger than my stomach and my stomach is insanely big.

So if I could skip dessert, it's better for me. But I was thrilled to have a reason to try all these desserts for this week's for this year's munch madness. And then the real highlight for me was a lot of these dessert places have dinner on the menu. So I got. Yeah, I spent four hundred dollars at fast casual restaurants this weekend. Oh, my God.

Maybe maybe maybe I'm maybe I'm being hyperbolic. Maybe it's like three hundred. But I did because I ordered like. We hit a couple of expensive ones, which was which which we'll get into. But we have a couple of sit down chains. We'll reimburse you for the cost of an Xbox Series S. Oh, you can reimburse me for the dessert for the desserts you asked me to get and not the 11 orders of Buffalo Blast

for recreational purposes. So so not as much of a sweet guy. I do have a sweet tooth, I will say. And Mitch, I don't think you have you're really a sweet tooth guy as well. But I am someone who, especially liquid calories are a big vice for me that I just kind of have to ban or else I'll just drink so many sodas. I love I love, you know, like a margarita. I love, you know, like a like a my tie or like a lot of a sweet cocktail.

And I do love I do really look forward to a dessert course. If I'm if I'm at a sit down restaurant. So I don't know. I think so much of it is for me. And you mentioned you mentioned Tiffany having like ice cream after every dinner or some some little dessert nibble after every dinner. That was me growing up. Like my childhood was like food was always with something my dad cooked.

But then we always had ice cream in the freezer. And I was like having it was just like a ritual. Our family was just like having ice cream dishes at night after dinner. And so I just got used to that having that probably the worst thing you could eat at the worst time of day is just a whole bunch of sugar right before you go to bed. Like nutritionally, that's probably just so damaging to your body. But that's just what I was doing.

Mitch, at least in that that generation, we were also having a massive amount of sugar in the morning before going to school. So it was like, yeah, for sure. It's a weird book into a child's day when you're like everything that matters is brain growth and ability to sleep and all these anabolic things that need to happen to a child. But you're having 50 grams of sugar before going to school and 50 grams of sugar before going to bed.

A hundred. I would have a bowl of crispy crisp and like pop tarts and like a glass of orange juice. And don't forget school for eight hours. And then when he came home that night, a car, a car, heavy dinner, like a. Yeah, right. Like bread and fucking spaghetti, pasta and sauce. We had like four nights a week because my mom didn't know how to cook. We just had like leftover sauce and over different types of noodles every day.

Yeah, we'd have like a protein and then and then, you know, like a like a starch side, like some rice and then like the vegetable would also be a starch like corn and then there'd also be dinner rolls on the table. And it was just like, yeah, it's it's it's unreal. What my what my diet was when I was a growing boy Mitchell, are you like what what do you do? What are your preferences? Sweet wise, how do you what do you go with desserts for deserts?

I didn't even think of that. But when you were like, oh, I like like a pina colada or I love all that stuff. You know that I love like a strawberry margarita or yes, my tie. I like I definitely like sweet stuff because I like sodas and stuff still. I that those are still a thing that I know I should never have. And I still like them. But like if I'm at the movie theaters just to use the movies again as an example, I will get myself a popcorn and a soda.

Like I don't have to get like a I don't need to get candy. Like I'm not a sweet guy in that way where I'm like, I need to have like sour patch kids or whatever raisinettes or something. I like those. I like peanut M&Ms and stuff like that. But it's not something I have to get. I have to I have to get the popcorn with butter on it, though. Like that's what I that's what I need. Speaking of which, because of the pandemic, a lot of people ordering

popcorn from like post-mating popcorn. Really? With butter. Yeah, would you do that? I mean, I can't imagine. I can't imagine. So much that I popcorn. I miss it so much that I would do it. But I but I yeah, I don't I mean. But to me, like if I'm in a movie theater,

like I want that popcorn with the shitty oil butter that will hurt my stomach, no matter what. Hmm. Yeah, I feel like I feel like also not not to tie in popcorn and dessert talk into one thing. I do think desserts is not really a take out category I ever think about also or delivery category because my favorite desserts are ice cream related. And that always feels I rarely order dessert

unless the place has like if you're ordering delivery, it's like I might have some chips. I mean, some cookies in the in the cabinet or some ice cream in the freezer. But ordering delivery, there's something extra about clicking like another $12 and 400 calories that you're just like we don't need. And in the last year, since take out became more

even more the norm than it was previously for us urban center people, I was like. I can't order dessert. It just dessert never is like I'm always like ordering dessert. That's nuts. It makes less. It makes more sense to order an appetizer to me for whatever reason. And then but then in this time, I'm like,

we're seeking out dessert specifically. And it's like let like doesn't feel like it travels well. Like and we'll get into it more into details. But and so I could see I don't have a microwave so I could maybe see wanting to order popcorn. But popcorn is one of the easiest things to make at home. Of course. Yeah. That's a big part of it.

I think it's specifically that people want movie theater, popcorn, like they want that that. Yeah. But you could you could chase that high. Like it's not like it's not like AMC, Regal and Arclight all have like proprietary butter blends. It's just fucking, you know, oil. Like we like I think you could recreate it. I get it, though.

At Sean, former guest of the former guest of the podcast, friend of Del Boy's Sean Clements at his wedding, him and his wife gave out Arclight Carmel corn as your to go as your to go treat for your cab ride Uber rides home. That's great. That's great. That's how much they like Arclight movie theater. Popcorn is that they gave it out at their wedding.

Like that's fucking crazy. That's great. I like that a lot. I think there's part of the as far as getting the sending, you know, sending a someone to go retrieve movie theater popcorn for you and bring it to your home. Like for me, that that speaks to it's just your stir crazy. You have a disposable income and you're bored. And so it's just like, well, I don't know,

I'll get some movie theater. It's the same when people were like we're like ordering Dodger Stadium like hat was was selling to go food. And you could get we were going to review it. Yeah. And it's just like, well, we're just that's just something to keep me occupied because I can pay someone to go do this. But ultimately, the food is not anything I would seek out outside of

when I was actually there. You know what I mean? Yeah, totally. So yeah, I'm sorry. Did this start with like the Dodger dog conversation? Is that what you were saying? No. Well, yeah, I'm just I'm just saying like the movie theater popcorn thing for me is like the same as like getting food from Dodger Stadium.

It's like, I don't know. You don't ever actually want Dodger Stadium food when you're not Dodger Stadium. It's just that I can't go to Dodger Stadium now and get those that food I used to get there and I'm bored. So fuck it, I'll try this. Why not? Right? That's what that it reeks of that.

It reeks of like chasing some sort of experience, which I don't fault anyone for. Like if you're like, oh, promising young woman comes on demand this weekend, I want to order Ark like popcorn and drink a body factory smoothie or like whatever fucking dumb tradition you have. Or like the Dodgers game is on. I want to order a Dodger dog and whatever to my house

and, you know, eat ice cream out of a Dodger's helmet or whatever. It costs like $70 to do it. It's insane. Yeah, I know that that's that's what's nuts. Yeah, for my birthday, I ate Bay City's on the beach. And that was like my idea of like, oh, that's right. Bay City's a big, big Italian sandwich. You can get out here.

The godmother is their signature. It's one of the few Italian one of the few real Italian delis on the in this Los Angeles area. There's a few. They're very far away. And they even even here they put mustard on the godmother, which I like, but would be sacrilegious, probably to some kinsos. Yeah.

But I got to live my full fucking Jack Nicholson life like that, eating a fucking shirtless Italian, eating a sub shirtless on the beach with my sunglasses on. Dream fucking come true, dude. I feel like if I did that, they'd people nearby would start pouring water on me and try. Oh, yeah, yeah. They rolled me back into well, they first they cut

they cut this six pack ring that was stuck in my asshole. They cut it for me. I had a straw in my urethra and a six pack ring up my asshole. Luckily, a couple of marine biologists were able to detangle me and roll me back into the sea, pull the golf ball out of my fucking taint. I wonder if that would clear you up. I feel like I.

I, I, I, I, man, I, I like all of that, except that how crowded the beach, the beach in LA is. But if you have that godmother and you're in a good spot, bro. First, first of all, how crowded the beaches in LA is a myth in your head. Yes, Venice Beach and Santa Monica are crowded, but the beach goes, I go to Will Rogers in Malibu and it's frequently plenty of space.

I go, I go like once a week all year long. Like it's fucking great. Do you really? Yeah. When it's hot out on the weekends, it's quote unquote crowded, but no one's like within six feet of you. Like it feels like it's this. It was the safest place this summer in the quarantine. I felt like it was outside.

People were away from me and it was like a thing to do. Be honest. Do you ever, if the lifeguard chair is empty, do you ever get up there and sit in it for old time's sake? I would say I have about 25 pictures in my phone of me standing with my arms folded in front of a sign that says no life card on duty or something. Yeah, I think I would. And if we want to get even deeper into my midlife crisis, quarantine crisis of identity,

I am also on the mailing list for the LA County firefighter slash lifeguard exam. So I am possibly going to take it as a career. Wow. Wow. I love podcasting. But man, if I got a few days outdoors, rescue and some boogie borders, I'd feel like a fucking king again. So follow, follow along at Gabriel.

I like launch a documentary about trying to become a lifeguard again. We'll be back with more dough boys. Welcome back to dough boys. We are here with a great John Gabriel. And now it's time to get into Munch Madness 2021, the Tournament of Chompians, Pinoon, sponsored by Manscaped. That's right. It's all desserts this month.

Is there any sound effects in there? I was waiting for it. We're going to add sound effects. Maybe we'll add some sound effects. I'm going to surprise me. Do you want to do it? You want to do it again and me and Mitch could do live sound effects? OK, great. OK, great.

It's time to get into Munch Madness 2021, the Tournament of Chompians, Pinoon, sponsored by Fuck. Sponsored by man. Wait, where do you want the? Where do you need breaks for? Where do you need breaths for sound effects? No, you just go. Well, we're masters of this.

You just go. We'll we'll we'll snipe them in as you already see. I'm leaving all of this in. I'm not cutting any of it. OK, I'll do one more loves this shit. We'll take it once more. I know, let's get into Munch Madness 2021. The Tournament of Chompians.

Pinoon. Sponsored by Manscaped. On TV. Perfect. So it's all desserts this month. We did it. And remember, you went yum, yum, yum. Remember, I forgot that.

That was a week ago. I completely forgot about it. Was there was there any change to mine? Or did I just say or did I just say there was nothing? You whistled last week this. Oh, yeah, you're saying it. But, you know, variety is fine. Yum, yum, yum.

So here are the tournament results. Here are the tournament rules for this year, for this dessert tournament. Rule one, just desserts, meals may not appeal. And Mitch also wants me to say is alt. If you're an entre your main, you cannot join the game. Better alt. Rule number two, if your drink is not slushy,

Weiger will get fussy. The juice is not loose. We're not, we're not covering juices. We're covering shakes and slushies. Rule number three, this one might be controversial, but doughnuts, doughnut count. This applies to all breakfast pastries. We're looking for dessert courses.

We're not looking for AM sweets. Rule number four, if it's in a mall, you can't play ball. So we're not covering mall food court staples like your Cinnabon's, like your Mrs. Fields cookies. And we're making that rule purely because of the pandemic. We don't want to be sending our guests into malls. And we certainly don't want to be sending postmates or Chow Now workers into these malls on our behalf.

It just seems unsafe. Can I speak briefly about this? The one that we're really, the only one we're really missing from this is Auntie Anne's. It was kind of like a Cinnabon Auntie Anne's and Wetzel's Pretzels were kind of like the three that we kind of had to give up. And we talked about how the Pretzels

are kind of a weird dessert one anyways and probably wouldn't win. Cinnabon is really the big one that we're missing out on. I think Cinnabon, yeah, you said Auntie Anne's, but I think I would say Cinnabon and Mrs. Fields are the dessert ones that I think of that we're emitting and that we would probably have on here. We probably have a food court region in normal circumstances,

but we just don't because of the pandemic. And this is all because Andy Daly got the Hanta virus when he went to Five Guys, right? So you can't afford to. Yeah, please pray for him. Contribute to his GoFundMe, one of our finest comedic actors. This is the best.

Rule number five, this is a true rule. It's national. Sorry, of course, Weiger is like, this is his favorite part. It's like, let me rattle off the rules. We're all laughing. He's like, and rule number five, baby, keep coming. I don't riff I read.

I go through my bullet points. Jesus. Rule number five, this is a true rule. If it's national, it's national. So we're not covering culvers. We're not covering cookout. I know these places have fantastic desserts, fantastic shakes, but we just can't cover them

because I'm in LA and Mitch is in Boston and it's impossible. I do love that a lot of the rules are heading off dumb listeners at the past. They'll find other shit to complain about. Don't write us about this bullshit, please. It's a fucking podcast. Who cares if the ninth restaurant you believe should win Munchman?

This isn't in it. Just listen for free. Shut the fuck up. By the way, this opinion is not the opinion of neither the hosts nor the employees of Doe Boys Media. This is the opinion of one, John Gabers. Thank you for clarifying. Now, my question is Cinnabon, Mrs. Fields and Sonic

are probably the ones that they'll complain about, but I don't know if they would have. Sonic's a good one. Yeah, Sonic's another one, which I think has a case. Again, are there even any Sonics in Massachusetts? That was an issue, right? No, no, there is one on Route One. It's a huge pain in the ass.

I'd go to it. I mean, maybe it will be a plan. Maybe there'll be some surprise. Who gives a shit? We'll see. It's possible some of these eventually work their way in. Yeah, you gotta wait till you can get a Pescazi on the pod, dude.

Very funny, very funny guys. I and they would be great on the podcast. It shows how bad we are by never getting the Sonic guys on the show. We'll book them in like 2025. Those guys riffing Sonic commercials is like yo, yo, my doing like the soundtrack for like Monday night football or something. Like it like doesn't make sense. Like they're the most like artistic, theatrical improvisers.

Like all the TJ and Dave workshops and all those those guys are so heady. And they're like, yeah, we riffing a convertible for, you know, chili dogs. Now it's like that's speak, speak, speaking, speaking of which they replaced the Sonic guys with like families and it sucks. There's have you seen these ads? I have seen these ads and I agree with you that it's a little disappointing. It's it's just it's just it's lost its sense of fun. It's just it's just a less charming version of what they already had.

Yeah, bring back the Sonic guys. They're funny like the Sonic guys. They were great. So we have eight chains that have entered divided into four regions. The Easybake region, the shaken, not stirred region. We'll be covering both of those on next week's and the week's afters double Doughboys double and the two regions we'll be covering today, the Creamsman region and the Junior Prom region.

So let's get into it. The Creamsman region consists of Baskin Robbins versus Ben and Jerry's. Ben and Jerry's in by virtue of winning the Evan Susser ice cream Invitational and the Junior Prom region, which is BJ's Brewhouse and Restaurant versus the Cheesecake Factory. You can find the full bracket on our social media at Doughboys pot on Twitter. Chalonge.com slash Munch Madness 2021. If you want to link to it directly, I guess let's start here.

Gables, Baskin Robbins, Ben and Jerry's. Do you have any preferences as someone who's such a huge ice cream fan as am I? Do you have a favorite ice cream parlor? I'm definitely a pint, a pint from the grocery store guy. Because I'm very much like a ooh, ooh, a McDonald's or ooh, a blank flavor. Ooh, the Jenny's. This looks good. You know, always have one to three pints to various levels

of being finished in our freezer here at the house. But I am like a fan of the ice cream parlor experience. But I I always do too much to myself. I'm always like, you're an idiot. You already had ribs. You don't need to eat this much cookie dough on top of your like. I'm like, right? I do think I'm all about the

ungepachka at a fucking ice cream place. I'm like, give me the fucking garbage. Give me everything in the chocolate and nut category on top of my ice cream. And I will not care. But brand loyalty. This was this category was tough for me because I'm a huge Ben and Jerry's fan. Doodoo, like I'm like that. Actually, what's wrong with America now is that I have fandom for a corporation.

But I like I like their flavors and I like their attitude. And I like their belief system and all. But Baskin Robbins is in my bones because the Baskin Robbins in my one town over for me was next to the blockbuster. And that's like I that parking lot is held in high esteem in my head still. The Merrick Merrick Road fucking or Merrick Avenue blockbuster and Baskin Robbins in the same fucking little shopping center. That's where I was like every weekend when I can talk my parents into going.

And then the second I got a car, that's where I was every Friday after work buying getting a movie and buying ice cream. So Baskin Robbins is in my nostalgia bones. But Ben and Jerry's I've sort of got and so and we'll get into it as we went. But I needed to like really do a definitive run down of who I think is better here. And I think I did quality you guys research. And I'm also very proud of my thesis I came to. I love it. Yeah, I will say that I am a big Baskin Robbins fan as well.

Mitch, I assume is someone from from New England that you have a Ben and Jerry's leaning. Definitely have a Ben and Jerry's leaning. But more so for me growing up, it was it was Brigham's, of course, which now there's the ice cream. Yeah, we know the best pizzeria and the best ice cream place in the world happened to be, you know, within a two mile radius of your childhood home. We know a lot of second. Oh, how could you consider yourself?

Yeah, you went to Naples, but have you gone to Maria Regina? You've had Regina and you know, it's good. I know it's good, but yeah, I know it's good. But I don't I don't want to get into this here because I'll just make everyone who doesn't live in New York upset, but fuck you. Yes, Maria Regina pizza is awesome. I love when I'm in Alston to eat it. But if I'm in Brooklyn or Long Island or Manhattan, I'm not.

I wish I could get Maria Regina delivered. You know, go to fucking. First of all, it's it's pizza. Rhea Regina. I don't know who Maria Regina is. I know. Well, yeah, no shit. You don't know who Maria Regina is. It's Maria Regina Rottencrutch. Got fingerblasted in the Brigham's parking lot.

I stood. I stood guard for all those things. I recently shot a thing with a friend where I had to play a Boston guy. And I was very nervous about the dialect and Mitch and I. Mitch, king of the audio message. We were sending audio messages back and forth of like doing the accent. Mitch has keep all audio messages on on his phone, which is great. So he keeps he has all of them still for some reason. But the wardrobe woman dressed me up and she put me in a Pat's hat

and then like a graphic tee and a plaid shirt and a hoodie over it. And my beard is on the big side today. This last couple of weeks. And I was like, can you just take a picture of me? And I'm going to squint and do a thumbs up and just understand that. And I truly transformed into you. You look you look just like me. I mean, it's like if I was like, hey,

Gabriel, I'm playing a New York guy. And then I went in and they gave me a Long Island tattoo. Yeah, exactly. They gave me a Long Island tattoo, a spray tan and fucking awful hair. And in a in a beater, if I was just wearing a beater as well. A frame shirt, dude. Nice try. I know I scored is going to be alive. I I I I I I almost just slipped up and said it the other way.

But what their works because you could beat men, too. Right. Jesus, the beater isn't the problem. You can beat eggs. That's what it was called forever. Yo, where's my honey? Where's my egg, Bita? I need an undershirt for work. What are they? They call them.

They call them tanks a lot now, too. So I'm sure that's I think a shirt like because it's T shirt is got the sleeves. A shirt doesn't, you know, like I had to buy I had to buy tanks. I went I went to DXL with my mom. And we in the night, the night that we went to Patagonia, bought a tent, put my arms through it, fits like a glove. Your mom's willingness to accompany you on every air end

is staggering. Well, there's well, there's anything on your own. There's only one car. And then we go out as we go out together with the likes. I had to get Panda Express for the podcast. So we got it for dinner. And we said I and I needed I needed a tank, a black tank for an audition. Gabriel knows what it is. He did it, too.

And so I had to I had to go to DXL and get some some 2XL, 3XL tanks. See what see what they got. Because if you didn't know this for for if you're a bigger man, if you were a tank, you see every crevice of your belly. It's just it's the most it I'm so I'm shocked that you wear them gamers because I I as a big guy like you just see my my titties are on full display when I wear a tank. I have a little bit of a benefit of having like shoulder traps

and like bicep, like a little bit of muscular definition up there. So it draws your attention away from like my fucking gyno mastia and my fucking low testosterone, hypogonadol, domino fucking swelling like that's all I could draw your attention away with some traps and some biceps that are sort of so wearing a tank top. I think it looks more flattering on me than a lot of other shirts because it's like it's more surprising that I look OK in it. Then it's like based on what this guy looks like in a fucking button down.

I don't want to see him in a tank top but throwing the tank top on. And Mitch, this is actually I want to this is a new theory I've been working on. The reason I started wearing a speedo or bikini briefs, whatever you want to call it to the beach again because I hate tan lines. I mean, I love tan lines, but I like to have as minimal as possible. But tan lines and now I'm into way too much of a stuff here. But tan lines as a kid who grew up 80s playboy, tan lines are still a big thing for me. Wow.

Yeah, as a matter of fact, my birthday gift from Tiffany this year is a painting of her bear of her topless that our friend Meryl Rowan made. And Tiffany purposely went tanning in a bikini to get tan lines for the painting. Wow, how dedication. That's dedication. Yeah, you guys don't air the zoom anywhere, right? Well, I think that I've had. I think that. Oh, wait, wait.

Gabriel is giving us a glimpse on his screen. Oh, my God. That's very tasteful, though. That's amazing. I love that. I can't figure out the angle of the camera to point at it. Sorry, I'm a trigger warning. Oh, I don't apologize to me. That's beautiful. I feel honored to have you come tan lines tan tan lines for me. I've always been here.

I have a picture of me with without my with in this tank. So you can I'm going to I'm going to share the same painting commission. But yeah, I basically have it's I'm basically sharing the same thing. It's like tips like I got two orders. Oh, hell yeah. This is me in a tank. I hopefully hopefully this doesn't I don't want this. You look tough. Yeah, I will say it is enough of a character change with your with you taking the hat off because the hat softens you in like a good way.

It makes you look like more like a buddy, a charming guy. But you look a little problematic here, like in a way that I know you're going that you're going for with the role. All right, you're about to film a video in the in your car in your parked car. Yeah. Explaining about it. Complaining about stop the steal. I was going to say, you're about to you're about to weigh in on the black little mermaid. And we're not going to want to hear this guy's opinion.

Just to jump back to wrap up that speedo conversation. I wore a speedo to the beach instead of just bathing suit for the first time. And I looked at myself and I said, you don't look that much worse. Right. Like it's like it's not like the the three inches of thighs that were previously hidden before now that they reveal people are like, oh, shit, Gabriel is overweight. Like, no, it's been it's apparent from the get go. But because I feel better and feel sexier in a speedo,

I may look five percent worse, but I feel 20 percent better. That's a 15 percent net gain in positivity. You feel better in a speedo. I would I would I would not. But I like that you do. I like what would make you feel better. And then that's it. Because I'm telling you like this is like all hold over from a T-shirt and the pool kid. You know what I mean? Yes, right.

You look worse in a wet T-shirt than you do fat and shirtless. And that's just a true statement. And that's I wish I could time travel and talk to every 13 year old whose parents just leave them home alone with food and to watch the little brothers all day long and be like, go ahead, go eat, go nuts. But don't you ever wear a fucking shirt in a pool? Have those titties out. Seventy percent of adults are fat and we're like making kids feel bad about

having tits. Fuck that. Whip them out Wednesday. Get in the pool, kids. Let's go. I was I was I was a skinny child. And then when I got into my teen years, that's and then I would never. And then I just like wouldn't go swimming really. That was my that was my solution to the problem is that I just never once really once swimming.

But I see swimming was the great equalizer for a big guy. Like we're all like I can't run as fast as any of my friends growing up because I was overweight for 12 years old or whatever. But in the pool, they weren't that much faster than me. You know what I mean? So like it felt like an equalizer to be in the pool. And I guess maybe that's why I ended up becoming the captain of my high school swim team that I think just when I was like 15 or 16,

I just like stopped. I mean, like or I go swimming at night or you know, I mean, I didn't like to take my shirt off. But I was not a I was not a t-shirt in the pool kid, unless it was just for sunburns because my version of that of that tiff drawing would be sun blisters and then like blistered shoulders. Yeah, blistered shoulders and then just white pale white. I got I get sun blistered.

Well, that doesn't matter. Still send the painting along. I want to hang it right next to the picture of my wife. Let's let's talk ice cream. So I guess we should talk about we've talked sun blisters. We haven't talked anything about the food yet. Let's get into it. Baskin Robbins is a childhood favorite of mine.

I always love going to Baskin Robbins. And so my approach was I was like, we were getting I, especially Mitch and I have to have so much dessert because we're on every episode for this month that I'm trying to pace myself a little bit. So I got two scoops in a cup from each parlor. And that's always like that's what I'm used to value. It'll be a direct comparison. Once one flavor that's a classic that I like and one modern flavor that I

wouldn't normally get, but I'm getting it because it's, you know, promotional or whatever. So from Baskin Robbins, I got one of my childhood favorite flavors, chocolate chip and specifically Baskin Robbins chocolate chip is dynamite because they have these like kind of coarsely ground chocolate chips. Like they're not like full chips. Like they're just kind of, you know, it's it's it's texturally. It's it's it's it's the perfect approach.

And their chocolate chip when I got it was absolute dynamite. By the way, man, I was just like, I feel so much empathy for food service workers doing something like this. Cause I go into this Baskin Robbins and there's like one worker in there by herself, just waiting for the occasional like fat piece of shit, like me to walk in and demand some ice cream. What a fucking miserable shift this much to be. They're so obviously unskeleton crew because the corporations aren't

going to pay to have two people there if the the amount of people coming through is so much lower. But it's brutal. The same thing happened to me. Well, I'll get to it too. But the same thing happened to me where I was like, let these people fucking go home, you know, like, but also pay them. Yeah, but also pay them.

I yeah, I'm I find myself tipping like a hundred percent in every every every where I go because I'm just like, I can't this I feel awful that anyone's being made to work in these in these circumstances. So we're in a mask behind fucking plastic by yourself. I was looking at credit card receipts on Doe Boys and I saw that you you left zero tip at each spot you went to. He tips cash out of his own income. He refuses to use Doe Boys money for that.

Some bullshit right there. That's some real like shit. I tip big at all these places, but I do performatively put it in the jar. Like they have to see me put it in. I'm one hundred percent that no, I said I went to I went to the ATM. I went to the Bank of America ATM and took out cash with the Doe Boys card so I could do exactly that because I want but I do think that's there. There's a psychological benefit to chime in if you're a food service worker.

Let us know if you think it's like performative or or shitty or whatever. But I think there's a psychological element to being like, oh, this person appreciates me and is giving me this money versus I, you know, this is this was on a receipt that was digitally processed through an app that maybe is going half to half of this tip is going to the owner because they're a piece of shit. I don't fucking know. I kind of prefer just putting the cash in the tip jar if you can.

That happened to me. People hate it. I don't fucking know. A place we'll talk about later. Cheesecake Factory. I I picked it up and I had done it online and I had no cash on me. But I had given a good tip. And I said, I told the lady I was like, I tipped online. I yelled at her.

I was like that's what that's where I'm at in life, too, where I'm like, I don't want you to think I'm a piece of shit. I did tip ahead of time. Yes. But even if that is the case, I sometimes still put a couple of bucks in the jar. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, I get that.

Which is crazy. And Nick, you're right. I do the whole like I do it at the dispensaries, too. When I when I when they give me back my change, I'm like, and this is for you guys and I put it in there. And it's an old holdover from Casino Life, because if you say and this is for the house, they go, no, you lose what you lose goes to the house. You say this is for the guys, for the dealers, for the crew, for the stickman.

And I'm like, oh, so now I I want I want to be like this isn't for Cheesecake Factory. This is for you, Tanya or, you know, Michael, whatever your name is. I can't tell. I can't read the name card. It either says Tanya or Michael. I can only see the A in the middle. So I'm assuming it's either Tanya or Michael.

I'm not going to look up and use any other context clues. But here's six bucks. I hope you're fucking happy. It is a difficult. It's a difficult. And I'll say this, though, at the Ben and Jerry's I went to last night. I I did what you did basically where I gave 100% tip and and the service. The woman working was like, she did and I'm not trying.

Look, this is not hero shit. You should just everyone should be tipping. Yes, she was I only I gave like a five. I gave like a 10. I think it was $10, a five or $10 tip. I think it was 10 bucks. And she was like, and she was like, thank you so much. And I was like, that to me means that people aren't tipping.

And that's that bums me out because I'm sure that they're not, which. Well, that's a that's an issue where a lot of people have less money. And so this happens around for sure. I mean, there's there's there's there's different factors. I think there's one is that, of course, a money factor. We do this show for a living. And and and we you know, we use profits from the show to to give tips and to buy food, whatever.

That's one thing. Then to I do think that there is a thing in pandemic world where people do think that pickup, you don't have to leave a dip. And I think that you do have to leave a tip. And I and I think that's another factor. I think some people don't get it. Yeah, yeah, I think that was a way that some people were like, I think that was a mindset people had forever is that you just you if you're

picking up your food, you do not have to tip. I truly think some people think that way. I will I will cop to tipping less if I'm picking up. Sure. I mean, I think that I think that even makes I average like 10 percent if I'm picking up and 20 percent plus if I'm delivering. And if it's like a five dollar item or a seven dollar item, then I'm averaging like 30 to 40 percent tips like not bragging either. But it's just like, yeah, I worked as a bartender way too much to not

like tip like crazy in all these situations and also like the pandemic slowed down enough where I'm like, I'm not going, I'm not feeding enough money into the community, into the environment like I previously was. So it's like, I feel the need to like give my own little stimulus package to the Baskin Robbins on La Cienica or whatever. To me, it's that sort of thing. And I know people that deal with this. If you're using a credit card, which almost everyone does, and then you push

no tip when you're picking up, just you can leave a buck. You know what I mean? Like, I think anything helps. And I know that money is an issue for sure for a lot of people and that's the deal. But if you have the power to do so and you can leave a dollar, I think with pickup, you should at least leave a few bucks now. I would, I mean, I like, yeah, whatever you can afford. But I also do feel like air on the high side.

I mean, you know, if there's a 20 or 25 percent. But no shit, Wags. I agree with you. I'm just saying that he's saying that minimum. Throw a fucking dog doesn't know if you're paying something and with you. If you wouldn't even notice, if you for like, if you put it on your credit card foreseeably, you might not notice seven dollars versus eight dollars. Now, does that make me an absolute coastal elite who might not notice

that seven or eight dollars comes out of their account? Yes, motherfucker. I got that fucking TV, money dog. That's why I live in an apartment. That's why I got to pay quarters for my own laundry. My whole point of that is just that that the service worker was was very pleased to even just see ten bucks, which isn't which isn't even which is generous, which is generous enough, but it's not like that's a crazy thing.

And so just especially during these times, people should be aware of it and try and try to and try to tip as much as you can. If yes, I think I think beyond the tangible economic benefit for somebody, there is perhaps a psychological element to feeling appreciated, even even just like being kind to a worker who is dealing with a bunch of entitled, flustered, fucking, you know, people who just like expect things to be customers who expect things expect to be catered to during a plague.

Anyway, Baskin Robbins, I got the the chocolate chip vanilla, which is vanilla flavored ice cream with semi-seated chocolate chips. As I mentioned, the texture is great. I thought it was dynamic. It was just an absolute dynamite execution. And I also got a limited flavor, which is their love potion number thirty one, which is a thing they've had for a while. I'll read their copy.

This enchanting white chocolate and raspberry flavored ice cream is sure to send everyone head over heels with its raspberry filled chocolate flavored hearts, chocolate flavored chips and raspberry swirl. This was good. But the issue is that I just feel like the raspberry is very artificial tasting and that there's so much raspberry that it kind of just lowered the overall like this. I didn't want to finish. I wanted to eat all of the chocolate chip and the love potion number thirty one.

I was like, I don't think the calories are worth this, although I do like the although I do like the chocolate and I do like the idea of the raspberry filled chocolate flavored hearts. The raspberry flavor itself is just a little cloyingly sweet and a little too just again, just just felt lab produced. But overall, a good outing from from Baskin Robbins, I'd say that probably both my favorite ice cream, my favorite ice cream flavor and my least favorite ice cream flavor are the four scoops that I had.

Mitch, what did you get from Baskin Robbins? All right. So this was on my little dessert tour with my ma. And this was this was not long after we had just gotten Dairy Queen and McDonald's. And we then went to Baskin Robbins. It was a it was a Baskin Robbins Dunkin Donuts, which I didn't know when I first went there. I just was searching for Baskin Robbins. I believe it was in the Foxboro area, but I'm going to.

But you were you were still scream that don't donates. Donuts do not don't not belong. Yeah. Donuts don't count. Yeah. Donuts don't not you were still screaming that at the employees like Nick requested, right? I did scream I did scream employees that don't do not the fucking chocolate glazed out of his hand. You're like, I scream only. Let's go drinks in the stink to in the pink or whatever.

Which was screaming that on January 6th. Donuts don't not count Nancy Pelosi as you take a dump in her fucking waste paper basket. Did you guys see the one guy screaming time to make the donuts who walked in with the donkey effigy and burned it in the capital rotunda? He had on a shirt for something called dough boys. Must be some proud boys. Certainly wouldn't be his own podcast.

No one would wear their own podcast merch. No one would get that two dollar royalty hit from buying their own t-shirt. Now, was I wearing a doughboy shirt? Yes, but it was under a sweatshirt. The same one I'm wearing today and that I've worn through most of the pandemic. I went in there. I said, Hey, can I get a Sunday? And the guy goes, I got to warn you.

I suck at making them. That's what he said as soon as I love that. Yes. That's why I fuck. I'm hanging out there weekly at this point. If that guy if a guy says that to me that works there, I'm like, I'm coming exclusively to you, bro. Let's make some fucking. I think I think he was like,

House of cards, fucking Sundays here. He was he was trying. He was trying to like talk me out of it. And I was like, haha. And I was like, but I really have to get one. I know that this sounds like a bad excuse. But I was like, I really truly have to get one. So I got myself a two scoop Sunday.

I got Jamoka almond fudge, which was the one that my mom had said. She said that that one looked good. And then we were trying to figure out we were trying to figure out the next flavor to get. And they and they the one that we decided on, they didn't. I think we were going to look at quarterback crunch was one that we were going to try to get.

And then it's oh, yeah, C.T.E. Berry. I remember they had some of them. They had Ray Lewis, Strawberry Jam, the Aaron Hernandez blasters. I mean, there probably was some sort of there probably still is some sort of Aaron Hernandez. A shotgun full of peanut butter. They they did not.

They did not have any of the of the. They didn't have a lot of flavors that we wanted. There was mums making cookies. That was the one that we decided that we wanted. And then they didn't have that either. They didn't have they didn't have quarterback crunch and have mums making cookies. And so we did the the what is it called?

I don't want to say wrong. Did you get the dad dad still not home? That's that seems bad. He's supposed to be home two hours ago crunch. We did the Jamoka. Jamoka almond. What was it? Jamoka. Fuck. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Hold on a second. And we got the chocolate chip cookie dough is the other one we got. We settled for chocolate chip cookie dough. And I got some hot fudge on there and I got some caramel on there and some whipped cream. Jamoka almond fudge. That's what it was called.

And I ate it and it was fine. Look, it didn't have the benefit of being of it was like the last one we got. It tasted the ice cream tasted pretty good. It tasted good, but it was, you know, like the kid said, he wasn't good at making Sundays and it was just an OK Sunday. The caramel and fudge worked OK,

but the fudge wasn't particularly good and the caramel was just fine. And Nick, I told you, I grew up with Brigham's. Yes, I didn't go to Baskin Robbins a lot growing up. I'm not I'm not opposed to Baskin Robbins. I think Baskin Robbins are pretty decent. You know, I think they're underrated, maybe more than anything.

I think people think I think when people think of Baskin Robbins, they don't think Baskin Robbins are that good. And I think Baskin Robbins are pretty good. So it probably depends on the region. It probably depends on where you are in the country. Yeah, for me, I mean, like they are just that's what they are now is their Baskin Robbins Dunkin Donuts. And you like you barely you rarely see them ever like a like a

I never growing up. I never even experienced one. I feel like. But the Sunday was it was it was decent. Like good enough ice cream. But like I said, the fudge was just OK. And the caramel was was fine. And the whipped cream was OK, too.

But I wasn't I wasn't blown away. Gabriel, say it falls to you. Your Baskin Robbins 31 flavors experience. I knew I was not going to be able to get Ben and Jerry from the parlor. I was prepared to do pints. And I was like, I'll do pints of B&J's versus pints of B&R's. And there at the same time, I was like, that might be a little unfair to Baskin Robbins, because that's sort of Ben and Jerry's kind of lane.

So last week, after driving home from the grocery store with like the frozen ice cream in my car, I was like, oh, I think there's a Baskin Robbins on like La Cienega and third, which is near me. I'll go run down there and grab a Sunday. This is yesterday at like 11 a.m. And I'm like, oh, no, it's not down by me. It's down all the way down by the 10 and I'm like, fuck. OK, well, now I'm committed.

So now I'm like, you know, doing Google Maps while driving, what everyone in LA loves. And I get to Baskin Robbins, order a Sunday. I'm like, I'm just going to get my favorite thing from here to give them as much weight as possible, because I kind of had a bias for Ben and Jerry's going in. That's why I also picked for my Baskin Robbins flavor. My I picked cookies and cream, my favorite ice standard ice cream flavor. Go to Baskin Robbins.

I get the cookie dough Sunday because we're big cookie dough heads in our house. Me and Tiff, we like like that as our favorite ice cream flavor. And then I get a couple of scoops and I get that Jamoka almond fudge in a separate one. I get like just a couple. I get Jamoka almond fudge and the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream. Wow. I if I would have saw a mom's bacon cookies or mom's basic bacon cookies, because I went to a store in Los Angeles and I I would have gotten that because that sounds appealing as hell.

So I got two different, like, you know, one cup with some scoops, one Sunday and one pint of Baskin Robbins. And I got to say and just in a non-specific, non-competitive way, like the cookie dough topping pieces were gross. That's cookie dough that was in the ice cream was a good cookie dough in the ice cream, but the kind that they added to the topping and the Sunday was. You know, like McDonald's does with their blizzards, where they like kind of just pour it all in the cup and jam it down.

And it doesn't really exist in like a Sunday form. Like by the time I drove home, it was like more of like a, you know, sweet stew and less of a Sunday. But those scoops were real tight. Jamoka almond fudge, I believe, is like one of their, you know, proprietary or one of their thirty ones that they like to throw out there. I thought that was fine. But the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup scoop was the best ice cream from

Baskin Robbins that I had. That was fucking off. It had like shattered peanut butter cups in it. So some bites were a little bit of a crispy and it was like a peanut butter type ice cream. And like the shattered peanut butter cups gave you some bites that were like harder chocolate chip edges in the, in the chip, uh, uh, kind of spectrum. And then some bites were like gooey peanut butter lobbed in there.

And some bites were like a bigger chunk of a peanut butter cup. And you can have that full flavor and texture. But I didn't realize how disparate the textures inside of a peanut peanut butter cup could be if separated. So it was like, that was really enjoyable. And that I didn't intend to finish anything I purchased. I was like, sorry, you know, environment. But I could not stand to do all this in one weekend.

So I fucking just, but I did finish that scoop of peanut butter cup. And I could not stop myself. So that's where I, that's where I landed overall with Baskin Robbins. Well, it sounds like we all had, we all had similar experiences with some highs and some lows. Let's pivot to Ben and Jerry's. So the flavor, the old standby I got, shout out to fish in the discord, the dose cord was fish food, chocolate ice cream with gooey marshmallow

swirls, caramel swirls and fudge fish. You know, all the Ben and Jerry's flavors, all the good flavors just have a lot of mix ins that they're, they're just all about varying up the textures. I think fish food is a home run. And it's, and I don't even like chocolate ice cream all that much. It's usually too chocolatey for me. You know, I'm a, I'm a big vanilla advocate. If I, if I'm going to have chocolate, I'd rather have like vanilla ice cream

with chocolate mix ins, but I do think fish food is such a good, just like a hybrid of all these different flavors. Like it's kind of not quite, but it's kind of a s'moresy. But then also I just think like, like the, the way the, the, the marshmallow and those caramel is swirled in there is just like so, you know, correct. It's so proportionate. Um, and I like the little fudge fish. Those are a lot of fun.

A fish food was, was delightful. I also got the Netflix and chilled, which is a really obnoxious name. Uh, but, but Natalie told me this is a great flavor and it is a great flavor. This is a peanut butter ice cream with sweet and salty pretzel swirls and fudge brownies. I wanted to hate it based off of the name, but biting it. I was just like, biting into it. I was like, this is fucking great.

The name sucks. The name is awful, but the, but it's like a, it's a co-sponsored, like Netflix paid for that. Like the name is awful because it's about allegedly about fucking, but, uh, and it's also like winky, winky. We're going to fuck. I hate it. So it's like the worst cultural.

See, it's all absolved by me. It's all absolved by me because it tastes fucking great. It tastes so fucking good. I will be eliciting the same argument when we come around to the Pizookie conversation. I will say sometimes something tastes so good. The name can be dumb, right? And that's where I land on Netflix and chilled as well.

I feel like you rarely encounter just straight up peanut butter ice cream. Peanut butter is usually a thing that's a, but this actually having this as a base works so well. And I love the, I love the mix of sweet and salty. So I'm all on board with having the pretzel swirls. I thought this, this flavor was great. And I would totally 100% consume a pint of this. By the way, I should note I did go to a Ben and Jerry's parlor.

And, you know, the, I mean, the parlors are, it's, I think it's the same quality you'll get out of their pints, honestly. I think they're, they're extremely consistent. So it's more just like if you want the experience of going to a parlor, that's the reason for it. But I think going, getting them, getting them by the pint, I think you're getting the same thing. Mitch, what did you do for your Ben and Jerry's?

Well, wise, you bring up a big thing with me on, on even just, you know, deciding between these two places, which, you know, I'm not saying I'm not, I'm not going to tell you which, which place I, which place I prefer yet. But you're writing in Brigham's, not an option, Mitch. On, on, on the screen, I, I, I, I like parlors. I like ice cream parlors. Me too. And Ben and Jerry's, I've just never even thought,

even though I've gone to some of their parlors, they're just is not, it's not a parlor place for me. And like, you can just even tell when you're there, it's like, you can put gummy bears on it. It just feels kind of like, yeah, we're just getting Ben and Jerry's ice cream. And you're like, you know what this is. This is like a service stop for Ben and Jerry ice cream. And you can get it just more fresh and have like fucking hot fudge on it.

You know what I mean? Like it just, it doesn't feel like a real parlor, which. It's like the Microsoft store. It's just like, it's more there as like, this isn't for sales. This is for marketing. This is here to be like kind of a flagship, you know, a presentational thing. I live over by Melrose in La Cienega, where there's like 12 stores that are just paying 25 grand a month and rent to be billboards.

Yes. Right. Like I never see anyone go into Vivian Westwood or anyone. Like, you know, I have Mark Jacobs and all that shit is all in this neighborhood. No one's going in those stores, but they just we have a Casper store, a Casper store, Cady Cornered from an away luggage store. Two podcast brands by my house. That's wild. I, I, I, I, and I, I like, since I've the first time I tried chocolate

chip cookie dough ice cream, I believe was with Ben and Jerry's way, way, way back in the day. They invented the flavor. And so a pint of Ben and Jerry's. And I've just always thought of it as pint ice cream. I went to Ben and Jerry's. I picked up my cheesecake factory right before it went over to Ben and Jerry's. I got myself the brownie Sunday wigs.

That's, that's what I went with. I was at a parlor myself. I closed at 9 30. I felt exactly what you guys were saying too, with that sort of thing of why is this per, why is this poor person working in here? It seems like she was just waiting for me to fucking waddle in an order or something like it, like, uh, like God, you shouldn't be here at nine past nine PM.

It doesn't make any sense. But I got myself that, that brownie Sunday and I was choosing between two flavors and I've had Netflix and chilled. Um, and I decided to go with in honor of one of our comedy heroes, the tonight dough, I went with the tonight dough with Jimmy Fallon. Wow. Um, which I can read that to you right now. Um, but it's, it's basically a cookie dough base, which I thought would be

good because I got cookie dough in my basket and Robbins ice cream. And I got to say this, the Jamoka almond fudge, that was the ice cream I liked the most and I kind of was saving that till now. Uh, in, in that Sunday was it had a nice taste to it. Um, all the flavors kind of did mix together, but the cookie dough at Baskin Robbins was not nearly as good as the cookie dough or the tonight dough at, uh, at Ben and Jerry's. I think it just, it, it outclassed it by quite a bit.

Um, I'll say this, they warm up the brownie, which I think is nice. They warm up the brownie basically in a microwave and that caused problems because this, this, this just shows up like how much of a non takeout place this is and how this is just kind of a commercial is that they had to put just another bowl on top of my Sunday for me to go. Like that was, that was the, how I got it to go. It was just like another bowl on top of my bowl. Uh, and I got myself, uh, again, hot fudge, caramel sauce and whip cream.

Um, I got home and it was pretty goopy wags. It, it, the, this was like eight minute drive at the most with the other top. But maybe it's that, you know, the, the brownie being heated up in the microwave, which again, I liked. Yeah. I think, I think a cold ice cream up against the hot brownie is going to, you know, deteriorate the structural integrity, integrity of your ice cream. Yes.

No, it took it down. Yeah. Of course it took it. Of course it melted. It's like a hot stone creamer. You know, it doesn't work. So yeah, I got a little goopy. Yes.

Of course, of course the ice cream is going to melt on a hot brownie. That is an issue, but you know, there was no lid. It was just on like another bowl and it just, so, so transporting it was not easy. And by the way, the tonight dough ice cream is, it's caramel and chocolate ice creams with chocolate cookie swirls and gobs of chocolate chip cookie dough and peanut butter cookie dough. So it's a, it's, it's a wild ice cream. I probably should have gone Netflix and chilled, which I, which, which I do.

I've had before and I do like quite a bit. Why is I also got myself some half baked cookie dough bites. Have you, have you seen these? Speaking of the tonight dough, you kind of went into Leno for a second there. Have you seen these? Have you had any of these? Not yet. Not yet.

Come on, Jay. That's crazy. Come on. I got, I got myself some of, I got myself some of the cookie dough bites and um, and you know what, I thought they were pretty good. That's wrong, Jay. Come on. They, they're, they're good.

My mom, my mom was disgusted by them, but I, I, I thought that I. Michael, throw those in the garbage. I'm disgusted by this. But I'm going to pour orange juice on it in the garbage because I know you still dig around in there and take it back out. She has been doing shit like that, where she's like, okay, we're done with this one now. And I'm like, all right, fine.

Fucking I have a safe word with Tiffany because when she tries to look out for me food wise, I sometimes can be super defensive about it and get into like a mode that is not a reaction that is undeserving of what she said. Like she'll say, like, you know, she'll do something like, are you sure you want to get two orders of wings for appetizers and I'll be like, oh, now it's a fucking issue because I'm getting blah, blah, blah. So like I overreact like that. So now our, our new thing is we have a safe word that she can just say and

that's just her going, Hey, just, you know, like when you shake a can of nickels at a dog, just be like, gotta break this habit, you know, whatever, squirt the cat in the face with a water thing. She just says Hercules to me. And that means like, don't forget, you don't want to be fat anymore. Just a casual reminder. And then I'm like, right, let me just lower that number to one in the Chow Now app. I don't need two of those apps.

And I will throw out this ice cream. I don't even like. I want, I want to give my mom that Hercules safe word, but then it's just going to be like a clump household where I'm going to be here in Hercules all the time. Hercules, Hercules, Hercules. That's so I can eventually play Hercules in a Marvel movie. That's my plan to make it in this industry. I love that.

The recent drawings of Hercules in the Marvel comics, he actually looks like me too, but like muscular and it handles, but we look pretty similar. So that's my big let's go dose cord. Make it happen. Kevin, you know, you have the power to steer fucking pop culture. Kevin, Kevin Figue, a well-known dose quarter. Yeah. Did you like last night's episode of Wanda Vision Mitch?

Shut up, Kevin. Yeah, no, but you think it was a cool reveal to say I am the Scarlet Witch, the thing that we've known about for fucking 15 movies. I do like the show, but that's a weird ending to be like, that means you're the Scarlet Witch. It's like, yeah, no, that's what we've been calling. We've known that forever. That truly was baffling.

More prequel nonsense. And it's just mystery box, JJ. But anyways, I got again, I got the Brownie special Sunday. It was a little goopy when I went back. It was head melted, but it was damn good. The flavor of it. Look, I know that people are going to say, like, man, Ben and Jerry's is just a lot. It's very decadent.

It's it's like, like you're a lot of fudge, a lot of, you know, like a lot of this stuff was just gooping together. But I liked the goop. It was like you're saying, Gabriel, it's like a sweet stew, a delicious sweet stew. And like parts of that brownie that was still warm. I think that there could have been more of ice cream on it. Like, I think that that ice cream did just melt a little too much. It was still just it was really tasty.

I it was it was undeniably good. And that's the thing with Ben and Jerry's like, it is good. It like it's it's does it definitely taste processed and tastes like like there's a not not processed in a bad way. Like like like it there's a lot obviously a lot of candy and ton of bullshit in the ice cream, but it's tasty. Why is it's undeniably tasty? Right? There's a lot going on.

But it's good. They're trying they're trying to be excessive. But I but that's what they do. That's their gimmick. And I mean, I think they succeed. Gabriel, your Ben and Jerry's experience. So for me, I I was I felt bad going into Ben and Jerry because as a Ben and Jerry's fan, so I decided to go with one classic and one new one that I hadn't had before.

I hadn't had Netflix and chilled till yesterday. And I got Chunky Monkey, which is one that I haven't gotten in maybe a decade. And I also because I when I was in the pint thing, I was like, I should get Baskin Robbins just in case the Sunday this the person making it wasn't as good as that. So I got cookies and cream, my favorite flavor, as aforementioned. Holy shit, Chunky Monkey fucking holds up. I don't if people are unfamiliar with this. I think it's like up there with fish food is like one of their like obvious

like early swings. And this is banana ice cream and it has chocolatey bananas and walnuts in it. And it's just fucking weird enough and it works. And then the Netflix and chilled dropped a fucking hammer on it. And this might be very specific to me. But the texture like a peanut butter ice cream that doesn't hit like a fucking log of peanut butter coming from someone who eat traditionally eats a scoop of almond butter as his late night snack when he's trying to be healthy.

So I like that world. This ice cream hits so hard and the salty piece in an ice cream is such a fucking primo thing and Ben and Jerry's, I think jam all the fucking, you know, fist my fucking pint of ice cream with whatever you want to put in it. I trust you get elbow deep with your fucking banana chunks or your chocolate covered potato chips or American dream has cone pieces in it. All that they they're smart. I'm sorry.

But they just know how much of what to put in that even in your pint, you never feel like, well, I got fucking boned because I got a huge chunk of something. You know, the pints are evenly distributed, very high hit rate. And I will will say they are they are sold in the freezer at the closest thing I have to like a bodega in West Hollywood. The reason we moved to this neighborhood eight years ago was because we were like too afraid to leave New York. We're like, look, it has a liquor store that sells coffee and snacks that we can

walk to. And it's like, OK, I can move to this neighborhood. Me, my everyone like this in silver, like all my friends live elsewhere. And I'm the only one still living in this neighborhood because we had to walk here in 2013. But the place has been in Jerry's is what I was getting at. So it's a frequent impulse purchase for me to where it's like I'm baked. Let's go get like seltzers or something fun and maybe ice cream. And it'll be Ben and Jerry's. And then I just want to bring up that cookies and cream pint

because I wanted to give Baskin Robbins one last chance against Ben and Jerry's. But had them both open last night. And I know their flavors are apples to orange apples to peanut butter here. But the texture just wasn't even as good. Like the having a bite back to back like that. And I will say like their chocolate chip, Baskin Robbins does cookies and cream well, because they do like the finely ground Oreo, so it's more like a salt and pepper looking ice cream rather

than like chunky. And I like that cookies and cream. But the ice cream didn't even hold its own to me up against Ben and Jerry's. And now I'm sort of burying the lead here on my win. But I thought I kind of did that earlier. I was worried the whole time. So I gave Baskin Robbins as much as a shake as I could and even tried to go nostalgic with it. Yeah, I will say the it doesn't sound like a lot. But I did like getting that pink plastic spoon that was I love that.

I and I know that's like the peak worst thing for the environment, especially since I'm bringing it home. I do not need to. But I was so happy to have that pink spoon, which was so symbolic of like I almost want to eat it out of like a fucking baseball helmet, you know, just for a complete throwback. I think I think I think you were an observation. You're right that Ben and Jerry's can just make anything like potato chips.

It can make anything work. I feel like if there was a banana, banana ice cream, like talk about something called Chunky Monkey, the base being banana ice cream. Now, I'm a I'm a fucking sick banana freak. I admit that I love banana flavored things. Banana runts, low key, top, top tier candy, banana runts. When you go to a fucking Dylan's candy bar and they got a fucking banana run, dude, who has no fucking all you just fucking caught a pound of that.

Say I'm working on my accent. But you would never think that banana ice cream would be sustainable to have four spoonfuls of. But they just do it just right enough where it's just light enough. But the chocolate and the nuts hit you in a way where it because on paper, it should not work like half baked on paper should work. Fish food on paper sounds delicious. Chunky Monkey, even the name sucks, and it's still fucking slaps.

Yes, I think it's just like I remember being introduced to Chunky Monkey in middle school by someone telling me it sounded how gross it sound is. Like, oh, like banana ice cream with chocolate. Like, like, like just talking about it is like this. This sounds like a like a weird curiosity. And so when I had it, I was ready to hate it. And I was like, oh, this is fucking delicious. Well, first of all, Chunky Monkey is a funny name because picture in a fat,

fat, fat monkey and then also I was just saying that Ben and Jerry's could do a fucking a COVID swirl in one of their pints. And I would probably still be interested in trying it because they make everything work like Gabrus is saying. So and you and you're also on the record saying you won't have it if it's a vaccination. Ben and Jerry, you're worried about that microchip. They should put they should put a vaccine swirl in their ice creams

because I would I would I would eat a fucking pint of it today and it would be great. Yeah, I wish Ben and Jerry's made fucking salads, dude. I eat that shit every day and finally get my fucking life together. Man, I salad ice cream. Out of the 90 minute mark. So we should get to the verdict on our first of two matches. So Mitch, every year and this stems from the first tournament of champions with the great Jessica McKenna and her decision

when we're figuring out the best burger, her way of thinking about it is which of these would we send to the aliens? If an alien was going to come down and be like, what is a burger? We'd be like, this is the best representation of a burger. This is this is our choice here. And I think we should do the same thing with these categories. You know, I just realized this is so depressing because I was like, it's got to be COVID.

And then I just realized we did COVID last year. Did we not? Yeah, the tournament, the last one of the final in person episodes we recorded of Doe Boys was with Gabriel as the opening round of last year's tournament of champions. We did that. We recorded, I think, two or three more Doe Boys episodes in person and then everything shut down and we've been remote ever since. So yeah, it's been it's been a problem.

We probably sent something to COVID to kill COVID, I think, back in the day. So now so now that we did, I think we did. I think that we do it. I think we shrunk it down because I remember talking about shrinking down. Right. So now I don't know. Now I don't know what the hell to send it to. We've done aliens.

We did the devil too, right? We did the devil. I remember the devil. Yeah, I'll never forget the devil. That's what he wants you. The devil wants you to forget. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was tricking you into forgetting it. Yes.

Should we do the capital rioters? I don't know what to do. Hmm. Will that also be topical next year too? Yeah, right. Yeah. Well, when we're on the firing lot, when a guy in a fucking bear hood is shooting me in the back with a fucking rifle, because I refuse to fight alongside him

in the water wars, I think we'll be pretty pissed. Weigher. Yes. Do you think it's time we choose Freddy or Jason or Hellraiser himself? Wow. Wow. I love that. The Cenobites.

We're saying it. Which bite are we sending to the Cenobites to convert them to Christianity? Wow. Which bite will be the body of Christ for the Cenobites? Pinhead will... Which bite of ice cream in the Creamsman category will teach the Cenobites about God's love? What is this show?

Here's what it is. We'll send an ice cream so good to Pinhead that he will convert to convert to become a Catholic. Yes. And then he won't even, Mitch won't even say Christian on this spot. No, yeah, it can't be Christianity in general. It has to specifically be Catholicism. Hey, I think before you lean so heavily into Catholicism, you might want to

read one of those from the stack of spotlights behind you. So we'll give Pinhead an ice cream so good that he converts to Catholicism and only performs missionary sex. Like a good Catholic. Yes. To his wife. To his wife. Who's a woman?

Oh, no, all right, hold on. It's Adam and Steve, not Cenobite and Steve. What are you even angry about, protesters? It's marriage should be between a Cenobite and a woman. What's next? People marry in their dogs. Dude, you bring that up a lot. Do you want to marry your fucking dog or what?

Fine, I'll marry my dog, all right? I'll kiss my dog right here. Gay people get married. I'll suck my French Bulldogs dick right here in the street. Man, you had that on deck ready to go. He said, actually, your dog's acting like he's used to this. Yeah, why is your dog roll over the second you said suck dick? Why did you know that that like you of you're not you're not eating meat this year

and you and I've said this before, but I am no longer sucking dog dick this year. That is yeah, it's must be tough for you to hear right now. In 2021, no dog dick shall I suck? Are you still letting them suck your dick? Yeah, of course. Crazy. All right, I got to go get a rubbing tug. Well, who rub and yeah, that's the name of my dog.

Well, I mean, I mean, this is this is this might be a little too much. But I was thinking, you know, the Tomorrow War aliens, the Tomorrow War is coming out. But maybe maybe you could kill the Tomorrow War aliens. So for about 11 months, you've known you're going to do another munch madness. Correct? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So like, you know, it happens every year around the same month. And you can maybe, you know, you have literal employees that you could say

like, hey, can you just listen to last year? So I have an idea of what the system is. It's the Ceno Bites. We're going to we're going to need to say, OK, it's the Ceno Bites. All right. We're going to the Ceno Bites will become will become followers of Christ by virtue of this ice cream bite, which we will say in unison, counting down from three to one.

And I will say I had a Baskin Robbins bias going in a Contra, our guest and my co-host. So I am a big bastard. I told you, I like parlors. All right, here we go. Yes. All right, we're counting it. Yeah, you like you like parlor with an E parlors. I like parlors where I could do my real podcast. All right, we're counting down for three, three, two, one, one.

Ben and Jerry's. Wow, a sweep. Yeah. Yeah. The unanimous for Ben and Jerry's moving on. Wow. In the first of these two matches and one, the ice cream invitational. Did it not? No. Yes. Ben and Jerry's won the Evan Susser ice cream invitational.

You know, I think it might have won over Baskin Robbins. Certainly, I think Cold Stone was in that mix. And by the way, for those of you Cold Stone fans out there who are upset that Cold Stone wasn't in here, Cold Stone wasn't going to be Ben and Jerry's. Just knowing me and Mitch alone, like that, that's just not. I wasn't going to win. It's not going to swing our votes. I've had it. I remember it.

Didn't win. Yeah. I got to say that the the so the the cookie dough bites, which I talked about the half baked cookie dough chunks. That's what they're called. I enjoy them to have his little snack, but if you have like a plane, like a vanilla ice cream wags, they could be a good topping. That's what I was going to say. They make a good topping. So those were interesting, but I definitely will not get them again.

Wow. Ben and Jerry's moving on against the winner of the next region, which we will get into right after this break. Welcome back to Doughboys. We are here with a great, the very great John Gabriel. As we continue, much madness. Twenty twenty one, the tournament of champions pine-une sponsored by Manscaped with the junior prom region, BJ's brew house versus the cheesecake factory. Now, if you're less familiar with BJ's, you might be confused as to its inclusion.

But let me say the dessert they offer, their signature dessert, the bazookie. Some people call it, say it Pizookie. Some people say it pie, Zookie. I mean, it's a pun off pizza, right? Pizza and cookie. Yeah, I said Pizookie. Pizookie, Pizookie, I guess is how you're supposed to say it. Jesus. But the Pizookie for my money is, especially the chocolate chunk Pizookie, which is their original one,

is a perfect chain restaurant dessert. And I think a lot of people consider these like the best chain dessert. So we wanted to include it for that reason. And the cheesecake factory, it's obviously it has to be in there. It's the titular dish, baby. The titular dish is the whole reason for the chain's existence. I'll get into what I got from BJ's. So as I mentioned, I love the chocolate chunk one, and I knew that one's a home run.

I could there was something about like, oh, I want to see how this travels. But it was also like, you know what, I've had that one so many times that such my go to if I'm going to dine in into BJ's that I'm going to mix it up. So I got two of their variants. I got the cookies and cream Pizookie, which is a rich chocolate cookie with a taste of Oreo cookies, rich vanilla bean ice cream and a dollop of mousse. And the mousse has like an Oreo swirl in it. It has like some Oreo crumbs rolled into it.

Our guest, John Gabris, was whooping with the light as I was talking to. Team back again, baby. They also got the peanut butter Pizookie, which is a fresh baked peanut butter cookie with rich vanilla bean ice cream. So if I had this is this is one where I mean, it's a case with both of these chains. But this is definitely one where if I had this in the restaurant, it's a different experience with it traveling. You're not getting it in that pizza tin, you know, that the pizza pan.

You're getting it in an aluminum tin to go container. So that's already, you know, a denigrated part of the experience. It's not going to be as warm naturally. It was actually still kind of warm by the time I got at home using my insulated bag. But it's not the same as getting it pipe and hot on your table in the restaurant. But the ice cream, I will say, traveled pretty well the way they packed it up. I was expecting that to be to arrive melted by the time I got home, but it was fine. That said, this was Natalie's observation.

If you have these components on their own, if you have just like a beat, a taste of the cookies and cream cookie and, you know, the big warm, soft cookie that you're getting, that's like the size of a personal pizza. If you just have a taste of that on its own, you're like, this is good. If you have just like some of the ice cream on its own, you're like, well, this is good ice cream. If you have them together, it is transcended. It's just like these two elements together, the cool and the warm,

just this smooth, like really, really high quality vanilla ice cream with this baked treat is just so, so good. And I'd say both of these were just fucking delightful. I think, to my surprise, as much as I like peanut butter, I think I like the cookies and cream one a little bit more. But both of these were like solid A's. Probably would have been A pluses in the restaurant if I'd gotten them warm and in that in that pizza pan.

Mitch, what did you do, BJ's wise? Well, that was the first stop of my and our dessert road trip. My mom and I, we drove down to North Attaborrow and we we ordered up a couple. We ordered up a trio. Why? Because we got a we got a trio. Of Pizookies, Pizookies, wherever you want to call it.

Um, hold on. I've been trying to find it on my phone for a minute now. That's why I've what am I supposed to do? I can't find the damn thing. What do you want? Because I got to figure out exactly what I got. Oh, God, you remember it. I do remember it all.

I mean, I do remember, but not we ate so many desserts the last couple days that I I found it. Everyone relax. OK, well, relax now. I got a pie, I got a pie. Pizookie trio, Wags. Yes, I got hot fudge brownie. Monkey bread and strawberry shortcake.

Those were the three I got. Um, I got vanilla ice cream on each of them and it came with whipped cream. The strawberry shortcake had like two pieces of strawberry and whipped cream and then the hot fudge brownie had chocolate sauce and some almonds that you threw in there, too. These were all good. They were all good.

They were they were smaller than than usual. Well, yeah, you get that. If you get that three, that three way, it's like they're mini Pizookies, right? They're mini Pizookies. And look, you know what? I was just going to try to do this and get away with it. And I just realizing that I can't do it

and that dough boys always wins because I got a chocolate chunk pie, Zuki, the regular size, which is like their classic one. And I was going to try to use that for if this one next week to do it. But one, I hope it doesn't win because I don't want to go all the way back down the north out of Borrow. And two, of course, I just going to go and get another one anyways. You know, that's just that's what the show is all about.

I got to go and get the fucking other one. But the the trios were all good. They were tasty. You know, they were like these little bites. You get you get to have fun and try all the different flavors. I really like the hot fudge brownie. The monkey bread was good too. And the strawberry shortcake.

Here's the funny thing. I got that classic cookie one because I thought that would be the best. I went into this BJ's, which was fucking packed to the fucking brim. It was like it was like a fucking super. It was like a Super Bowl Sunday. I want indoor dining for indoor dining. It was fucking. Oh, my God.

And a fucking BJ BJ's restaurant fucking packed, packed, full of people. There was there was a place to pick up orders. I was double masked and in the back. And there was there was a guy there who was ordering more at the pickup counter. And I was like, fuck, this sucks. This is taking so long. A new guy came in. That guy finished the new guy jumped ahead of me and the other guy took him.

And I was like, motherfucker, I've been standing here just in the way of servers. So many people around me just fucking was awful. And then I got so now I have to go back there, by the way. Thanks a lot. Fuck you, Weigert. It's your fault. I have to go back. Wait, wait, how did I? I didn't prod you in the did you pressure me?

Got another one. I didn't say. And what else did you get? Well, now what else am I supposed to do? I got the chocolate chunk by Zuki, which is the classic one. And weirdly, this one was not as good. The cook on it just the cook. I mean, like, I think when you get it in the when you actually get it in the restaurant and you have like, like you were saying, it comes in that pan.

It's just a lot different. And let me just hold up the picture of this one to you. It just, you know, it just didn't. Oh, that doesn't look great. It didn't look great on social media. I mean, it's not even going all the way to the edges. Yeah. So so yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And look, that's officially whack. The the the taste of it was was still decent. And, you know, I put some vanilla ice cream on there and like, you know, it was but just not as good as the little ones and the little ones were a lot of fun. Like I said, the brownie one was was fantastic. I really liked it. And the monkey bread one was great. And the strawberry shortcake one also also fun.

So I like I like trying all the little different flavors. And I wasn't sure how those were going to be one because I also feel like when things are smaller like that, they can just kind of taste shittier and not as good. And two, it's wild flavors for the Paisuke. And but they all of them all all three of them work. They were it was a good outing. Like this is this is up there as far as like, oh, this is so this is a front runner. Of course, this one that's the furthest away is the front runner.

And there's nothing I can do about it. It was really good. I do want to say real quick, I meant to mention I talked about there being like an Oreo mousse and that mousse is really, really great. It's kind of like it as a whipped topping. You get a little bit of that on your fork with a nice bit of ice cream and some of that Oreo Oreo cookie. It's just it's just a delightful bite.

Gabriel, what do you do BJs wise? This was my first I only know of BJs from your episode. I think it was a handbook guys were on that's right episode of it. Yeah, because I those are, you know, my favorite episodes of while we're just talking doughboys, my favorite doughboys are when you have the handbook guys or the don't stop freaks or any of your old birthday boys. It's just the real Sesame Street bullshit the whole time. And I enjoy that.

I enjoy that. But I had never even seen it before then. And then so I looked it up and there is one not too far from me. But I was already incapacitated to drive. So I had to decide I had to order. And then I was like, fuck, let me just roll this into a dinner and then I could try BJ's pizza as well. And cool.

Glad I got to do that. But I will say, holy shit, a Pizuki is a fucking stellar success. I mean, Weiger kind of ran through it. But cookie, great dessert, ice cream, great dessert, hot thing with ice cream, great combo, hot cookie with ice cream. Sick, dude, in a fucking skillet. That's like three different sort of ice dessert trends happening at once. And I'm a fan of all those trends.

So of course, I was into this fucking Pizuki, the pizza, solid bowling alley pizza, like, you know what I mean? I didn't think it was anything special. It's fucking expensive. It's like $30 for a pie. My heart. My RPGs meal was insane because we got three Pizuki's and three pizzas. For the two of us and Tiffany ate like half a pizza and everything's gone.

I mean, whoops. I for the podcast had to try the original pizza and the chicken bacon ranch pizza, two things that make total sense for the desserts. Only hence why I'm like, yeah, when I send you my receipts, you only owe me like $40 worth of BJs, though the bill is 175. That's all just what I ate before I did my work for the podcast. But I went chocolate chunk Pizuki because I had to go classic having never had it before.

I've talked at length about my love of cookies and cream. So that selection was there for sure. And then I want to throw just one more soda. And I kind of matched this pattern with the with my cheesecake factory order. I was trying to give them as much of a sort of allegory to go head to head with. So I went with just a third thing that I would be like, this would be fun if someone else ordered it.

And I got to try a bite, which is kind of like a low level of appreciation. But I went with the monkey bread, which I thought was the weakest of three. But only because of how how good the other two were. The chocolate chunk classic fucking, you know, solid triple. Now, the fucking cookies and cream one with that with the aforementioned boosts. What I did was I spread that upon delivery one one. It sucks to not have the skillet, not have it delivered right to your table. But I will say they deliver it in an oven ready tin.

So you can just hit it in the oven at 350 for a couple of minutes. Oh, I didn't think to do that. Just to kick it back alive. And had the in the one I ordered, it said like heat to three sixty five. It had like a little thing on it. Oh, I didn't have a cold. Oh, dude, I heat. I took that cookies and cream one.

I smeared that mousse all over the top of the cookie before hitting it in the oven. Oh, wow. Came out of the oven, slapped that ice cream on top. Holy shit. If a fucking if the chocolate chunk cookie was a triple, this was this guy stole home. You know, it's a ground rule homer or something. You know, like some weird, not a full on home fucking run. But like somehow we got a run out of this one.

Wow. Yeah. It's fucking good. And in the park home run. Yes, exactly. And in the park, Homer, good call. And yeah, there's a bumbling by the third baseman. But otherwise the fucking holy shit, dude, I was so no rare is dope. Rare does dough boys give me an experience

that is positive for me in the long run. You know what I mean? It's always like, well, that 60 chicken nuggets affected your digestive track for question mark years. And, you know, the 64 items that you had or the three tour spots in one weekend, you know, sort of those things that, you know, chipped years off my life. This introducing me to the Pizuki and knowing that the Westwood Pizuki the Westwood Pizuki, that's what I'm going to call from now on.

The West, the Westwood BJs is not a crazy drive from my house. The Pizuki might make like appearances at like as like what I bring for like a dessert to a house. Like it's like that. Because also BJs, BJs, I think is weird enough. I think BJs is weird enough that you're like, I got a Pizuki from BJs that most people go the fuck are you talking about, dude? Right. Like Cheesecake Factory.

People know I just think BJ like that you would be a weird guy to bring. Were you were you high when you ate this? Is this like doping in the tournament of choppy? I'm high when I eat everything. Do it now. It's it's I don't smoke weed when I have to work and I haven't had to work for you. So this is bad news.

This is this is this is I tell you what, I was high as fuck for Cheesecake Factory. I did that thing where I got super high because I was like, oh, we should watch a movie and eat food. And we watched like Menari and I was like, I didn't need to get super high for this movie, but still a wonderful film. Well, let's get into Cheesecake Factory Wags. Let's do it. Let's. I went with two.

So I usually we get the vanilla bean cheesecake, which is my favorite. I didn't need to get it again. That's like, you know, like I got that on my my I went. I got that on my birthday. That's how much I love this cheesecake. That's the cheesecake you ate alone in the bathroom on your birthday. You were telling. So so the ones I went with were they're both fruit kinds.

But, you know, Natalie and I both are less, especially when it comes to cheesecake, we don't want chocolate with it. Like, it's just like that. I like chocolate. I like cheesecake together. It just doesn't quite work for us. So we went with two fruit varietals. I got the we got the mango key lime cheesecake, which is topped with a mango mousse on a vanilla coconut macaroon crust.

And the fresh banana cream cheesecake, which is banana cream cheesecake topped with Bavarian cream and fresh sliced banana. I'll start with a banana cream one, which was simpler. Like the vanilla bean cheesecake, this one just had like a like a nice, like subtle, I don't want to say subtle because it was there. But it was like a banana, a non overpowering banana flavor that's just throughout every bite of the cheesecake. And then the fresh sliced banana that was there was, you know,

although there was there was whipped topping, I'd say the fresh sliced banana was the proverbial icing on the cake because it was that just injected just a little bit more banana into it. It was creamy and delicious. I, man, I really love the simplicity of this. It was especially someone and Gabriel's mentioned liking banana desserts. I'm like that, too. I'm bananas for bananas.

And this one is just it. I would 100 seconds one again, just like Kevin or Bob. Never seen a Minions film. Only know about it from this stupid fucking podcast. All you need to know is Stuart is the one with one eye. So the banana cream cheesecake, I think, is was a home run. I thought it was absolutely delicious. I loved it.

And I will say that the Cheesecake Factory desserts by virtue of them being a little simple being cheesecake, they just traveled better than the BJs. Even though they got a little jostled in the car, I picked them up. By the way, Mitch, you mentioned your your diet and experience at BJs or that the people dining into BJs. I went to the Cheesecake Factory and Mirinda Del Ray, which is by the ocean and to pick it up. And the I went to pick up my food, someone else was asking about getting a table

and they were like, it's a three hour wait for the patio. Oh, my God, three hours to sit at the fucking Marina Del Ray Cheesecake Factory outside during a plague. You're going to we're going to that's what you're going to do with your life. I don't understand it. I don't understand this this wager that people are making. But whatever, I got that we live in hell. But I got that home and I thought it traveled pretty well.

Got a little jostled. It was like tipped over, but was still tasted delicious. The mango key lime cheesecake. At first, I was like, is this ungepochka? Is there too much going on? But as I went, I was like, OK, so on a second, you asked yourself out loud. Is this ungepochka? Yeah. And Natalie was like, shut up.

Natalie took her noise cancelling headphones off and said, what? And he said, I said, it's ungepoch. She's like, forget it and put her noise cancelling headphones back on. I want to paint Natalie as hating Nick because Nick is it's fun to roast Nick. But having spent time with Natalie, she is like the fun. Like if we were a couple of friends, it'd be like, yeah, Natalie. She's coming over for dinner and it's like, oh, is Nick coming? And now I've known you for like eight years and been friends with you.

But it's I like Natalie more. And so when I'm playing her as mean to you, but she's better than all of this. She should we should keep her fucking name out of our. I would like Natalie responding to you saying, is this ungepochka? By saying like, Nick, are we ungepochka? Breaking up. Why don't you why don't you eat in your car in the garage with the air conditioning on like we talked about?

I get so sleepy. Wait, talk to me more about this mango key lime because that's my one regret in my life in my thirty nine years is the mango key lime pie, not ordering it. Wow, I think the key lime was really good. I at first I was like, should this just be key lime? And then I was like, you know what? The mango is I actually think the mango helps it. It's just a very thin layer of mango.

So again, not overpowering. I thought it was pretty well constructed. But the big thing, the secret weapon here is that vanilla coconut macaroon crust was so good that crust was delicious. I wish I could make an alteration to a different cheesecake and get that vanilla coconut macaroon crust on it because that in and of itself. I think elevated this holds are. Yeah, both of these were both of these were great.

I like the banana cream cheesecake. I think ultimately just a little bit more. But they were both fucking just awesome, awesome cheesecake factory desserts. Mitch, what do you think? Well, I really like cheesecake factory cheesecake. And we we recently in this past year in quarantine, we got cheesecake factory with Art and Marine. And I really I really enjoyed the the cheesecake swags.

I I I had a great experience with it. I actually went with one of those cheesecakes once again. Wow, because I was eating it. I was getting them with my mom and I wanted to and I remember she loves pineapple upside down cake. So I got the pineapple upside down cheesecake, which I had got which I had gotten before with that episode with Arden. And it was fantastic. Once again, it was really good, creamy and delicious.

I got to say this, the bags at Cheesecake Factory too thin, because while I was driving home, one of the cheesecakes tumbled out and there was nothing I could do about it. But it was fine. It looks fine. And also, my cheesecake factory, this was at the mall in the South Shore Plaza. Not that packed, also gigantic. And I'm sure on Friday night or something, it's packed and there's probably a wait

because it's hell, like you said, it's just hell. But this was, you know, this was on a Monday night and there was not that many people in there. I like that quite a bit. The other the other cheesecake I got was and I think maybe why you have this one was the 30th anniversary chocolate cake cheesecake. Did you have that before or no? Maybe.

It's not ringing a bell, which is basically like a combo of their regular cheesecake with chocolate cake. I'm going to look up the description right now. And you know what? This was decadent and delicious. Why it was really fantastic. And I was like, you know what? They fucking know how to do cheesecake.

They've really nailed cheesecake. It's, you know, it's I think you can make complaints about how many calories it is. I think you can make complaints about that it's a little bit pricey. You know, it's like, you know, like nine bucks or 10 bucks for a slice of cheesecake. But, you know, the pie is probably in the same range, right? As far as calories and price. So the so the 30th anniversary chocolate cake cheesecake was layers of our original cheesecake, fudge cake and chocolate truffle cream.

It was fantastic. They were both really good. We have two, these are two of the top dogs. Wags, they're going at each other in this round right here. This is this to me. I'm like, I love ice cream. I'm with you guys. I do love ice cream and I'm not a guy who in Gabriel's like you said before,

I'm not a person who gets dessert every night. And when I do get dessert, like I'm very excited about what I'm going to get. And I'm excited to pick it out. And so that's been fun with all this, even though it's basically I've had diarrhea, you know, like divided by three days after I've done this. Like it just is you're not supposed to eat this much fucking cream and shit. It's just terrible. It's it's it's a it's destroying my stomach.

Yeah, but these cheesecakes were fantastic. And and and I get it, you know, like my mom was like, what a kind of what a funny place to exist, the cheesecake factory. And I'm like, it is a cheesecake factory in my mind is becoming like one of those. It's one of those top tier chain restaurants. It is easily, easily. And and and you know what? I love I like I I've never because I'm not like a giant cheesecake fan,

but I never was like I go to the cheesecake factory for cheesecake. I went there for those fucking crazy dishes, just giant, huge dishes of fucking for 3,800 calories of pasta Alfredo. Exactly. And and and I love that. But the the name makes sense. They're cheesecake fucking rules. And this is this is going to be close. This is going to be close.

I honestly wonder what you guys are going to do. It seems like it's leaning BJs, but it's close. It's super close. I went cheesecake factory Friday night and I was pumped to order cheesecake factory for dinner as well. It was like a fun excuse because the one closest to me is like in the grove. So I wasn't going to go do pickup. So I was like, oh, let's get dinner, too.

So it was just one delivery. So I got these buffalo. I just I just I just want to quickly say that cheesecake factory in the grove where Doe Boys was born. Great. Yes, that's right. The womb of designated historical site. The womb of Doe Boys. Holy shit.

Mitch and I met on the patio and sat down and hatched the idea for this awful fucking anchor we were tethered to. We have to destroy our bodies every week and talk about the meals we've had. I remember distinctly one of you guys posting on a social media site about Doe Boys, I kind of knew Mitch through my friend, Justin Tyler, and I kind of knew Weiger somehow like we I worked at on something at the same time as you or some UCB interaction where we didn't hit it off. It's, you know, not my fault, but.

But like we didn't like it was like we kind of knew each other. And you posted and I was like, oh, please let me do outback. Yes. And the first and that's like really early on in the show. Like episode five. Yeah, I did outback and I didn't even eat it before. And I was just going off memory and we were just talking and it was crazy. And I was like, I think I became friends with you guys during that episode. I was like, oh, I like this way too much.

Yeah, I knew you. I knew you. We just had we hadn't bonded yet. I feel like we hadn't bonded as well as as as. Yeah, it wasn't it was inevitable that once we our gravitational pulls got within each other, we were going to both start being like, what's up, big man? Dead dad and hug him to Brian Dennehy's. I remember actually Gabriel.

So I remember our meeting because I remember the first time we met because there was a Funny or Die segment where we were on. And I don't know if it ever aired, but it was never on the Today show. And Al Roker was there. Al Roker came and like sat in a Funny or Die meeting. Oh, interesting. At the time I was at the time, I was like a writer on it. You flew to New York for this?

No, this is in LA. I flew to I had just moved to LA. Wow. Yeah. I'd been living in LA for like two weeks. Jason Cardin, friend of mine and used to be a producer at Funny or Die. Great. He was like, hey, we want to do a bit with Al Roker, where we want and as Nick is about to get to one of the writers to just be sitting in the room fully naked.

Yeah. So they brought in Gabriel and we, you know, we didn't know. No one knows me. We didn't know him. So we just thought like, oh, they brought in a weird naked guy. We had no idea you were like like a comedian. And so you're sitting, Gabriel is literally sitting there naked and Al Roker is like not liking it, like trying to play along, but clearly pretty and comfortable.

But then Gabriel and in hindsight, now I know some of these people and Ali Horde, I believe, was there or and maybe Aaron as well. And they were both like, I could tell I'm like, oh, I'm upsetting these women. Like, and I'm like, I is not my choice. I was cast. I thought you were and I guess people were like, he's really naked on that chair. Yes. Like I was I was like, oh, I had my legs crossed manjina style. I don't know if we're allowed to say that anymore.

I had my legs crossed with my dick tucked between my legs. Just let's get technical. And it was and no one knew I didn't know anyone except for Jason. And he wasn't in the sketch. So he just like walks out because he's like producing it. And I'm just in a fake writer's room, fully nude with actual comedy writers that I've never met. And I'm new to L.A.

I've like got a network and I'm like, who are all of these fucking white people? Yeah, a bunch of yes, this gleaming white room, absent Al Roker, who got hired for writing jobs in Hollywood in 2009 or whatever. And so you were but but you were like, again, some people, I think thought you were like a porno guy or something, like had no context for who you are. And then Gabriel starts just being Gabriel, like the funniest guy in any room. And Gabriel is actually funny.

And then people are like mad at him because they're like, wait, the naked guy is funnier than everyone. This is the funniest person in here. And people were like extra mad at me. And I was like, I'm not going to last in this city. I'm like trying to do comedy in a writer's room. And people are mad at me. I don't think I'm long for this world.

No, I've never worked in a writer's room since then. So that could be part of it. But yeah, that was a very fun meeting to retroactively realize like, oh, and now Nick Weigar, a dude who I've like shared an Airbnb with around the country on like the one of eight times he's left Los Angeles. It's like it's thrilling that the way we met was me being fully nude because it also kind of sets the right tone for being French.

Well, Gabriel, I kind of met you in that way, too, because you were your lifeguard speedo the first time I met you, too. And Tyler, I remember and I remember a time after that where I walked up to you and Tyler and you were like, get out of here, dead dad's club meeting. My dad had not died at that point. Yes. Shortly afterwards.

I think I think I jinxed you. I'm sorry. Sadly, had to join that club after that. Can you call your mom in so I can apologize for her husband's death? I was going to maybe call. Are you guys are Irish? Have you ever talked about the fact that your dad died? He's still here in many ways.

He's he's he's upstairs a lot of the time. He's working. Now that the Cenobite is Catholic, he can be your dad. Well, once he gets a bite of one of these cheesecakes, let me run through what kind of cheesecakes. Yes, I got. I went to Cheesecake Factory Friday night. I went with their classic Oreo because I also wanted to kind of.

And I didn't know you'll see why my Pizuki orders were what they were. And then I went with a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, which is just always a favorite of mine. I was trying to and then I went with the I want to go one weird one. And I went with the Cinnabon. Wow, Cinnabon for a Cinnabite. But I wanted I wanted. I was torn between the banana and the man.

It's like land at an airport. I got to go right to Cinnabite. Because pain is pleasure. And then hit me with the fucking frosting, baby. I I got I wanted the mango, Kilem or the banana. Those are the two that I wanted as my third choice because I wanted something off, but I couldn't convince Tiff to be like you like she was like, no, that sounds gross.

So we went with the Cinnabon and that one was and I loved I loved these cheesecakes and Friday night as I ate them, I will say, RIP to the Cuban egg rolls. My favorite thing on the the menu, they've now lost them, but they have a Cuban sandwich and an egg roll sampler. So I got both to try to recreate my favorite didn't work. I got to say, I ate these cheesecakes on Friday night and I was like, I don't know what the fuck a bazookie is, but it stands.

No. Wow. Wow. I like I just like I was like, these guys know what they're doing. The crust is good. They're they were different enough for how similar they were and looked. They traveled very well. They have like cheesecake plastic. Like they have like a thing to hold the slice. Like how Ben and Jerry's not meant to be a so they don't have lids.

They have a specific factory, a factory for cheesecake to the point where they can like clamshell these things that fit exactly one slice of cheesecake and keep the structural integrity because it is eating a cheesecake is sort of like there's a little bit of a fun art to it where you choose your bites, but you're also keeping a mind that you don't want to destroy it. There's like something about eating a cheesecake where like a Sunday, you'll just be like that.

But like a cheesecake, you want to be like, I will scrape this side. I'll scrape this side. Oh, maybe I'll take a little from just this. There's something about you get very Michelangelo with it, you know, where you're slowly carving the tight, the huge dick that David has. That enormous hug that David has. Gapers, I was going to say, congratulations that everyone in that comedy bit thought you were a porn star.

That blew my mind. Well, that's because my dick was tucked between my. Well, I kept saying my dick was tucked between my legs, but they were like, it looks like you have a piece of chewing gum stuck in the middle of your pews. I'm like, oh, my dick is stuck between my legs. Well, I I got to say, I fucking thought a lock. I was like, and I'm burying the lead with like how I'm putting a real ellipsis on the end of this year.

I was like, no way. I don't know what a bazookie is, but there's no way it hangs against this. Wow. Well, as I was, I was, I was, I was more concerned at that point because I was a little confused about what was going on. I was like, I think I'm confused. Is ice cream going to be cheesecake factories? Cheesecake factory going to be ice cream. I forgot that they weren't even going head to head.

No. Yes. So that was like exciting for me when I was like, oh, good. It's only one on one. Let's see, bazookie. And I think I think we're at the time. They're going one on one and the winner will advance to fight the ice cream winner, the creamsman region winner. Oh, shit.

Going on to face Ben and Jerry's next going on to face Ben and Jerry's as Mitch alluded to two juggernauts, BJ's, the cheesecake factory. It's like the NBA bubble playoffs where the Denver Nuggets, the Utah Jazz met in the first round. Hold on. Like either of these teams could make the Western Conference finals. Ma, Ma, question. What'd you like better, the big cookie with the ice cream on it or the

cheesecakes, the cookies, including the little cookies with the ice cream or the cheesecakes? That's a hard one. It is a hard one. We agree. Yeah, it's a hard one for sure. Agreed, Mrs. Mitchell. What do you think?

Well, it's depending on how fancy I want it to be. On a day-to-day basis, I would like the cookies. Wow. All right. That's in how. Mom, that didn't help me at all. It slams the door in her face. Jesus, Mitch.

If she wanted to be fancy, she'd get the cheesecake. I'm with Mama Mitchell. That sounds like a great plan. Yeah. Well, guess what? I think that's fair. I'm a little fancy-ass bitch, I guess. Let's count down.

Well, classic gay bruce, I absolutely disagree with Mitch's mom. Why? You should have got a chance to tell her that the guest room bed is uncomfortable right there. Why do you bring that up? Every time. We had a lovely time. Your mom and I, you were sleeping in.

I'm just saying. Your mom and I would have nice hour-long conversations. You were tired. I brought you to Quincy and you were tired. How could you be tired, Nick? Nick, you weren't your normal bubbly self when I brought you around Quincy. I'm just saying you had the chance to tell her right there again, but anyways, let's do the countdown.

I'll tell her, get that bitch back in here. Jesus Christ. Jesus. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm so sorry. Dear Lord. I love her.

I love her. All right. Here we go. We'll count down from three. One of these is going to the Cenobites to convert them to Catholicism. One of these is going to- One of them is a bazooki. One of them is a chain factory cheesecake that mom's Mitch says is fancy.

I'm going to say this. Nick, one of these desserts will turn butter ball the Cenobite into butter cream. The man who loves desserts and loves Catholicism. And it will turn the chatterer into a guy who doesn't chatter his teeth. He chatters about how much he loves desserts. Perfect. What the fuck? I was trying.

Those are great. I got them. Those are really good. Those were really good. We're going to count down. From three. Two. Two.

One. Cheesecake Factory. Cheesecake Factory. Wow. Wow. Wow. What? Yeah.

I swung the cheesecake factory and you know what it is. You can't believe it. As much as I love BJ's bazooki, in this environment, the cheesecake factory was better. Wow. In this situation of taking it to go, it travels better. It's a better to go dessert. And I think of it, when we're getting this granular with like these are two elite competitors, what's going to be the deciding factor?

If you're getting these in restaurant, it's kind of a push. If you're getting them to go, slight edge to the cheesecake factory. Wow. Wow. I am shocked. I might have to agree with Nick on that. The cheesecake factory shit delivered so well. Yeah.

And I'm sure it takes out very well. But I also think operator error a little bit. I think if you would have hit that BJ's cookie for 350 in the oven, then slap that ice cream on, you might have plusced it up a little. So, I'm not saying that I'm not going to, this is not going to come up every three months. I'm not pulling a fucking Mitch. I'm not going to be like, for the rest of my life. Today's show.

I'm not like, you know, I let things go. So, I think I'm very happy for the cheesecake. Good luck up against my two dads, Ben and Jerry. Wow. But Viacon Dios cheesecake. That's exciting. I mean, look, in my mind, BJ's is going to wait when it's going to win its way back into this tournament.

I mean, there's no doubt. Yeah. I think it'll get another chance, another bite of the apple in fat chance kitchen. And when I, when we get it for that, if, if it is one of the competitors, I will put it in the oven and maybe it will be taken out and reenter the main competition. But that's for a future episode. I forget about that stuff because I don't, I'm not a, I don't want the double, you know, I don't want to give any money to you.

I don't want to give any money to you guys because of, you know, the kind of people you have on as guests. We're subscribers to action boys, you know, the, the dope. We are. Yeah. The dope boys podcast is a subscriber to action boys. Nice. Thank you guys.

That is appreciated. No, it really is. Action boys with a Z. It's a, if you don't, if you aren't listening to the show, John Gabriel, Ben Rogers, Ryan Stanger, extremely funny trio. And they, they break down 80s action movies. And it's one of my favorite podcasts. And it's the, the honestly the funniest thing I listened to.

Certainly don't. Thank you. Come, come to them for, for laughs. Come to the dope boys. Stop saying that. Shit. For God's sakes. Hey, that was our, that was, that was two first round matchups from munch madness 2021

as we are well into the second hour. Well, happy. It is now time. I just hang up. Oh fuck. Five more segments. Right. It's now time for a segment in honor of pie noon.

I've chosen a pie and Mitch and Gabriel must define a series of clues to guess what it is. The winner gets an IOU for a pie. The loser goes home empty stomach. It's another edition of pie in the sky. Wow. Is there a song? There is.

They got me singing pie pie, which one is in the sky. Baked a pastry that was tasty, but a mystery, which kind. And Gabriel's and Mitch are giving it their best try. Yes. And this will be the type of this pie. This will be the type of this pie. So you'll each take turns solving in 2003. If someone just sent me the video of Nick Weiger with the mustache of a 40 year old man singing

this like weirdly awful pie cover of Don McLean holding a Pellegrino bottle. I think that would have gone viral on my college campus before so many internet videos existed. I feel like early on this guy just going, look how seriously he's singing. It's really weird. He knows he's bad, right? And what is this pie in this guy? Like out of context, that would have, that was like an early 2000s viral video for sure. The mystery of what the pie is, but when it comes to Weiger, there's always a mystery of how the pie got in the guy.

We're not sure. So you'll take two turns, you'll each take turns solving increasingly obvious clues. There are two lifelines. You can ask Emma for her opinion. And the eye test. I will screen share a close up photo of the pie in question. Gabriel, you're our guest. You get to choose if you pick first or second.

Keep in mind the first clue is the most obtuse. But Mitch is very good at this game. Mitch has a five and eight record according to the Doughboys Wikipedia. Do I really? I thought it was really good. Yes. I haven't listened in a long time. I'm working my way back.

I've gotten better at the game. I was very, very bad for it for a long time. You're on a little bit of a hot streak. Okay. I'm going to go first. Fuck it. Okay. You're going to go first.

Here's the first clue. You fucked up. You might come across a key component of this pie after a rainy day in Jackson. Okay. I know the answer. But I want to use one of my lifelines to say hi, Emma. Hi. Wow.

What's up? I would like to discuss with you that Jackson is a city in Mississippi. Mud exists after rain. And that would make my guess is something I don't even know if it's real or not. It's just a phrase I know, Mississippi Mud Pie. Gabriel, you have one pie in this guy in one. That is insane. Mississippi Mud Pie was the answer.

This is a dessert pie consisting of a gooey chocolate filling on top of a crumbly chocolate crust, usually served with ice cream. That was the easiest pie in this guy. Just drop it for fuck's sake. The shortest segment for the longest episode. It works out. Yeah. I think it's okay for me to pull the trigger and wrap.

Gabriel, that was like, yes, that was like high functioning. You're hot. You're very high right now when you want the show to end and you just zone. I don't actually want it to end. I'm just thinking from your listeners perspective now, you know, I'm getting in the minds of those sickos and, you know, they're done with this. I'm talking too much for them. This is like a score.

It's like the Irishman version of the Doughboys. We've got a big long one. And we've also, we've euthanized Weigar's voice. We've euthanized Gabriel's and we've euthanized Weigar's voice. Would you have gotten that Mitch? Because I feel like you always complain that the clue is too easy when you lose. I would have gotten that one, yes. You would have gotten that you would have gotten Jackson Mississippi.

Okay. Maybe that was too easy. What was the next clue? I'm curious. The next clue, I would have liked to have gotten to this one. Celebrities from this pie of state include Blues guitarist BB King, quarterback Brett Favre and Doughboys guest Carl Tartt. Oh.

There was no question that it was Jackson Mississippi. I mean that. Okay. Never been fine. I should have used something else. I should have been like the, the most impoverished state in the nation or something. I think, I think Mitch, you're on the right path here by really digging in your heels and complaining about this dumb fucking thing.

All right. Let's get to this mail segment for Cronix. Mitch's record goes to five and nine. Let's open up the feed bag, Mitch. Mitch, it's called opening the feed bag. All right. Let's open up the feed bag. Today's email comes from Doug Blomick, a.k.a. Prince Peach.

Doug writes, when ordering food through a website or app. Nick added that a.k.a. on his own. It's not in the email. That's why he calls this guy, Tuck. I give all our, I'll give all our listeners nicknames. When ordering food through a website or app, what is your preferred menu style? I prefer, I personally hate when digital menus have different tabs for sandwiches, apps, drinks, et cetera, and prefer everything to be on one page so I can easily browse.

We've all been doing more, more ordering with apps for takeout. Any preferences? Gabriel, let's start with you. How do you like your menu laid out digitally? I like my menu laid out digitally, like diner menu style. Like, like my, like our friend Prince Peach says, I like, I like to see it all, though I've seen on Chow Now, the site I've been using as frequently as possible for ordering and picking up food.

I see some of the menus have both the full thing and then a little mini pull down up top where if you're like, I know I'm just looking in the, for like one of those, when you're ordering from a place that has a long menu like BJ's where you're like, I don't want tavern style pizza. If I wanted tavern style pizza, I'd have Mitch make it for me. I want deep dish. So I, you know, be able to click and jump around that way is good. But I do hate being like, because sometimes something that you think should be in one

category is labeled as an appetizer and you miss it. And you're like, wait, sweet potato fries wonder appetizers, not sides. I wanted those. And I never thought to look in appetizers because I didn't want, you know, that's a real champagne problem to have, but you get what I'm saying. No, but I think it's fair. I, you know, Mitch, I'm curious about your thoughts. I will say that I kind of like, not that I like tabs, but I do kind of like some organization.

I do kind of like when it's like, for instance, I'm thinking of Chipotle, but Chipotle has like, you know, their main category is just kind of laid out and they're very clear. And it's just like, you like burrito, you know, taco, bowl, salad, it's just, you know, if you go to your subsection and, but that's all on one page. It's not like you have tabs that you're clicking between. It's just like you're starting with it with the, it's like basically the full menu is there, but the full menu is there broken down by item type. Now Chipotle is a special case because it's all made to order.

So it's not like you're ordering from a bunch of different burrito options. You're just building your own burrito. But, but I do think in general, I think some sort of organization is helpful. Here are two things that bother me. One is when they won't show you the menu unless you share your location. When it's like, you have to say your zip code. I want to see a generic menu. Show me a nationally available menu, even if it's a PDF that I can do without sharing my location.

The other thing is, and this is an issue with, with Burger King's app. And, you know, Mitch and I are our big time Burger King apologist, BK is back, but they have like these categories that are like BK's favorites, you know, like shit where it's like, I don't know what your favorites are. My favorites may not be my favorites. Yeah. Value your way. Family bundles.

Our favorites. This isn't helping anyone. That's what you don't even, you don't see that shit when you go to the drive-through. What the hell are they talking about? Exactly. Give me burgers. Give me chicken. Give me sides.

I, I, I'm with you. I, I like, so the Cheesecake Factory, it has like, you can go by categories and it's absolutely needed. But like you were saying with Chipotle, I like that simple breakdown. And I also, you know what, sometimes I do just like a straight up when it comes to like a restaurant, maybe a local restaurant, I like a straight up PDF of the menu, like you were saying. Like I like, I like to see what is on the menu the way it's supposed to be.

Cause then I did like, I'm just reading through the menu, like I would have a restaurant and that's, and that's great. And that's the way to do it with other places. Yes. Like BK or Cheesecake Factory or Chipotle, give me a simple breakdown and for a place to have a lot of shit, maybe give me the categories to help me go through it. Domino's app, which we've said before, it's got a good, Domino's has got a good app. It's where it was one of the early in the app game and their breakdown is pretty good.

A lot of places that there are, what I've learned over, over quarantine is that there are a lot of good apps and then, and then the places that don't have it right just really don't have it right. It's like really crazy that they're just, some places just, they don't even exist. Some places don't even have apps that like should have apps. And that includes, I think Ben and Jerry's did not have an app and I don't, I'm not sure if Cheesecake Factory has one you can order online, but I'm not sure if there's an app or not.

I didn't check. They don't have an app. That's crazy. That's crazy. Their app is just, is cake pay. It just lets you pay at the restaurant, but you can't actually order from it. So yeah, that's a little bit of a frustration. Which we really didn't KFC for.

And I guess if we were being consistent, we'd get mad at Cheesecake Factory for it. But to me, it's less of an issue because it's just, it's not a, it's not a quick service place. It's more of an event. You're going to put some more time into it anyway. Yeah. Yeah. But they should, they should, they should have a, a takeout app.

There's no reason. 100% agree with you. For sure. Let us know your pet peeves when it comes to online menus. It's gay versus sleep. Yeah. No, no, no, no. I mean, I already know everyone's opinions on the app.

So I was able to check out for a little bit. Cause you know, I feel like it's come up a thousand times on this fucking show. We should end the show. Just in general. Not, not this episode. The show. Uh, hashtag get your app together to let us know what you like in an online menu. If you have a question or got the word of chain restaurants, you can email us at

dopeboyspodcasts at gmail.com or leave us a voicemail at 830-GODO. That's 830-463-6844. And the tournament of champions continues on the Dope Boys Double. Catch all the snacks and by joining the Goldner Platinum Play Club at patreon.com slash Dope Boys. John Gabriel. A prince. We love having you here.

If you think an app is missing something, hit hashtag gaping app hole. Like if there's something you can't believe isn't on an app, just hit hashtag gaping app hole. I gotta say, before I go. That took a lot to get out of my system. I don't know how come I couldn't say that. I'm going to say that, that our furnace is being replaced today and I'm smelling oil right now. So that might be the last thing I ever hear is gaping app hole.

Well, I'm smelling toast right now. So same for me. And I'm, I'm home alone. Uh, Gabriel, is there anything you would like to plug? Gabriel, is that a, is that a tip thing too? If she, like a, like how she says Hercules, does she, does she burn toast when you go too long on a podcast? When I say her, when I say, she say Hercules, that means for me to stop eating so much.

When I say Hercules, it means the peg be hidden too deep. Hercules, Hercules, Hercules. I'm at Gabriel's on all social media. Check out my podcast, High and Mighty. These guys have been guests before if you're exclusively a fan of them. Emma also engineers that one and does way less work because I don't require much. But she fucking crushes it week after week. So listen for that reason alone.

I'm trying to appeal exclusively to Doughboys listeners and Doughboys listeners. If you're out of money, uh, you know, cancel this and join the action boys. Patreon. But if you have enough, do both. If you have enough, do both. But if you, if you want to listen to my Patreon podcast, actionboys.biz, uh, cancel Golden Play Club, you know, you can come back in a couple of months. If you're, if you're sending Mitch nudes and shit, like I look just like I'm sending them.

I'm trying to run off everything from you guys. I'm poaching Emma. I got you song thinking he's working for me in a writer's room, but I'm just employing him just to have him. He has the opportunity of a lifetime. It's costing me a fortune, but I'm very happy to have you song. Get yourself, get yourself some extra paper bags for you song to breathe into when he's hyper, when he's constantly hyperventilating.

He's having a panic attack dealing with us. Hey, that'll do for this episode of Doughboys. Until next time for Mr. Slice, Mike Mitchell, I'm Nick Weiger. Happy eating. See ya. The Munch Madness, the Tournament of Chompion's Pie Noon finale will be streaming live Tuesday, March 23rd at 8 p.m. Eastern. The Doughboys and special guests will select the sweetest treat in all of chain restaurants

and you can see it happen. Who will win this year's Dave Thomas Cup? Get your tickets only at headgum.com slash live. That's headgum.com slash live.