Doughboys - Munch Madness: Pie Noon: Semisweet Final 1 with Arden Myrin

Episode Date: March 11, 2021

Arden Myrin (Shameless, Insatiable, Will You Accept This Rose?) returns to helps the 'boys decide if The Cheesecake Factory or Ben and Jerry's will move on to the Munch Madness finale. Plus, the debut of Let Me Be Frank.The 2021 Munch Madness: The Tournament Of Chompions: Pie Noon is sponsored by Manscaped.Sources for this week's intro:https://www.benjerry.com/about-us https://www.thecheesecakefactory.com/about-us/Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. 1978, two years after America's bicentennial, our country's food service sector was forever changed by the entrance of two very different but widely beloved dessert vendors, an innovative Vermont ice cream provider named for its two hippie founders, and a generously portioned full-service Beverly Hills chain restaurant named for its signature dessert. The former, the winner of the Creamsman region, is known for its mix-ins and outward commitment to progressive causes. The latter, the winner of the Junior Prom region, is usually reserved for special occasion

dinin' dinners in its opulent dining rooms, though in the time of COVID, its commitment to excellence extends to its take-away fare. Today, these food foes square off to find out whose sweet treat is the one to beat. Which dairy delight will delight we dairy dudes and our guests in advance to the finale? One bite away from the sweetest Bloman chain restaurant podcasting, the Dave Thomas Cup. This week on Doughboys, the first semi-sweet final match of Munch Madness 2021, the Tournament of Chompians, Pie Noon, sponsored by Manscaped, Ben & Jerry's, versus the Cheesecake Factory. Let's go!

Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger, along with my co-host, The Missing Link of Sausage, Mr. Slice Mike Mitchell. That was courtesy of Andrew Buck, whose subject line really called his shot here. His subject line is, The Best Roast, and that's what he included. Also wrote, I haven't stopped listening to the podcast since I discovered it mid-pandemic. It's gotten through me through so much, and it never gets old when Mitch calls Nick a piece of shit. So how about that?

Hey. RoastSoonMan at gmail.com. Shut the buck up. That's pretty good. How's that for an insta-roast? I think that's the best comeback. Hmm. Huh?

Why did you stress come? I didn't stress come. It sounded like you did. No, that's you. You hear in what you're thinking. I snorted. Well, speaking of which, my eye has been twitching for like five days. You know this.

Mm-hmm. And it's driving me nuts. My eye is twitching. So of course, I fear that I have some sort of degenerative muscle issue going on. Right. But it lumps on my belly earlier in the pandemic, and then my eye is twitching, wags. I'm a frog man in many ways. I'm becoming a frog.

Some sort of toad man. Yeah. I was eating flies. Man, when I was young, I remember I was at my grandma's house and, oh, was it a fly? I think it just happened to me. I think it happened to me with a carpenter ant and a fly. And that's like why they're my two least favorite bugs, but I had like a fly in my soda. Oh, fuck.

And I just like gross. Had it in my mouth. Jesus. Oh, that's nasty. I guess some proof that I am toad. I am a toad, man. I trim my beard, so it looks like I got like the toad. It looks like I have that toad.

What is that? Like the toad pouch? What is that? It's like the warble or the what? What is that called? The waddle? A waddle is with turkeys, right? Yes.

The frog throat. I got like the big toad. I'm Googling big frog throat. The ribbit area, the ribbit producer. Vocal sack, apparently. It's called the vocal sack. You know what? It makes sense.

We have a podcast. Maybe my vocal sack has grown. Some growth in one of your sacks, at least. I couldn't feel that coming. I'm a, I shouldn't have, but, well, I don't know. I don't know if I got into a transportation chamber with a toad or something, but there's something going on where I, my eye is- A telepod.

A telepod. If my jaw falls off mid-record, you know something's up. But I- Well, there's always a chance that like the end of the fly, like Jeff Goldblum does at the end of the fly, that at any point in the recording, one of us will pull a shotgun to our head. So I'm prepared for that. Mitch, you told me your eye was twitching.

You texted me your eye was twitching, and I tried to text back like, damn, like sympathetically, but instead, I auto-corrected to fake. Yes. I want to fake. It looked like I was calling fake news on your ailment. Yes. Which got me very upset. Yeah.

I'm sorry. I said fake. It was an accident. Question mark, explanation point. Five days to trigger. I've heard magnesium could be it. So I've, so I'm, I'm taking magnesium. I've been taking lots of magnesium anywhere I can find it.

I take it. So hopefully, hopefully that will, that will cure the problem. How the hell to Spoon Nation? Well, here's a little drop. It's embarrassing. So I got the cocksmoker sandwich, heater tots, a Sierra Mist and a movies cup. All this. For $30.

For $30. For $30. For $30. For $30. For $30. For a chicken sandwich and a sandwich box and a drink. That's outrageous. $30.

$5. $5. Box and a drink. Wow. Insane. Wow. Insane. Wow.

$30. Oh, a new, new thing playing after that. My review of that one loud out an outlandish cost for that cocksmoker chicken sandwich at the Kevin Smith pop up a sandwich, a side and a drink, not even an alcoholic drink to go for $30. What the hell? That's a lot. What is this?

Disney plus premium content? Yeah. Am I going to get the cocksmoker sandwich or watch Raya? $30. I can't get over that. That's so much money. Greetings, Doughboys. We humbly submit my newest masterpiece for your perusal and consideration.

We love you with every fiber of our tiny black decaying hearts, Wally and Armour will never die. I appreciate that. Big Cat Music Squad. It was going back and forth between we and my Big Cat. They make some good tunes. Very good. That was very good.

That was a good one. That was a good one. Yeah. It was my fault, by the way, that it was loud. Let's introduce our guest. She's just sitting here listening to us fucking waddle about how I'm a toad and all this other stupid bullshit. We should really switch to a format where we record this little preamble with just the

two of us. Without the guests. So we can waste as little of their time as possible. I'm enjoying it. I'm so delighted. I enjoyed learning Vocal Sack. Vocal Sack. Helpful to know.

Our guest today. And why? Like most frogs, maybe a sweet princess will give me a kiss and transform me into a prince. Hey. There you go. Our guest today is an actor and comedian from Shameless and Statiable. On the Bachelor podcast, Will You Accept This Road? Her book, Little Miss, Little Compton, a memoir is available now.

Arden Marine. Hi, Arden. Hi, guys. How are you? Good. Thank you for being back. Great. Yeah.

Thank you so much for returning. The sad thing of my year, I mean, I feel like the highlight of my pandems so far has been being requested, like pulled out of my sarcophagus to order from the Cheesecake Factory choice. I feel like I just went like sleeping upside down and like every six months I get like I get an email and it's like my purpose is I have a purpose for like four days and it's on a menu with 400 pages and I could not thank you enough. I was so delighted to get the email. Wow.

Well, we were very excited to have you back. I think most guests that come on our show, we say, hey, why don't you come back? And they say, no, thank you, not for me. Yeah. You saw the monster in it. You saw like you could see like maniac see maniac. You could see the authentic like crazy flavor chaser that I have. You knew that I'm like, I was thinking about it.

Like I'm like Robert Downey Jr. right at the point when he was like taking a nap in his neighbor's bed. You know what I mean? Like that kind of like chasing the flavor in a way that's maybe not how other people chase it. And I, so that makes me feel like I wanted to do your podcast and your listeners right. I also heard come and come back. I just want to say.

Okay. Maybe I did unconsciously emphasize it. You did put a little graphic on, then you spelled it, C-U-M-B-A-C-K, which was a little weird, but I didn't want to say it. Yeah. I did type it out on the Zoom. For listeners at home. Yeah.

Wags kind of has his own little graphic package. Yes. He throws things up every so often. Yes. It's for us. Arden, much to discuss, so the last time you came on the show, we were reviewing the Cheesecake Factory. This time it's in the Tournament of Champi and it's a much badness, but in the interim,

in the intervening months, my understanding is that you had some, you formed a partnership and alliance, if you will, with D'Angelo's, the East Coast Sandwich Shop. Can I just tell you, I'm not even kidding. Okay, so I'm like shaking right now. I got this email. Okay, so literally, my brother had some like big work announcement and it was like, I was like, okay, well, I'm going to trump you. So they reached out, first, Papa Geno's first reach desk.

They heard me on your podcast, be a freaking maniac. So Papa Geno's reached out and it turns out that Papa Geno's and D'Angelo's are owned by the same company and they saw, like, because I heard your song last week, when I think of D'Angelo's, a lot of people think about the subs, or in Rhode Island, we would say Grindr, excuse me, but I would drink the Italian dressing from D'Angelo's, like I would just drink it. And so they reached out and they were like, we see that you're a super fan, we heard you. And I'm like, like, so I've already done one, like, kind of ad campaign for D'Angelo's and

they let me, and they let me just like freestyle, like, just to speak from the heart of, like, how much I fucking love. By the way, if you're in New England, if you're in, like, the five, the king's country of, like, New Hampshire, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, get yourself, get yourself to D'Angelo's and Papa Geno's right now, that you reached out. And so, like, I might be doing more. They sent me all this D'Angelo's merch. Wow.

I mean, and the sheer fact that it was the pandems and I couldn't be, like, chomping on, they have bowls now, excuse me, they have bowls. Wow. Like a, like a steak and cheese Grindr bowl. So, like, if you're trying to, like, maybe have less, like, refined flour, if you're like, oh, I'm getting healthy, you can still get steak and American cheese in a bowl. I mean, how good does that sound? How good does that sound?

I also like that you can just, like, you can, you can treat D'Angelo's, like, jazz and say whatever and just free flow with whatever you want. I couldn't believe it. I have a D'Angelo's blanket. I have a D'Angelo's cooler. I've got D'Angelo's, like, bucks, you know, like, honestly, it was, I hope they reach out again and Papa Geno's too. It's still my favorite pizza, a slice of Papa Geno's, going to the machine that has

the claw, you know, like, that's, like, where you get your toy for, like, ah. I just, have you had, have you had D'Angelo's or Papa Geno's since you've been back in Quincy? I have. I've had D'Angelo's and I have, I believe I had Papa Geno's as well. I, but I had a, I've been making bar pizzas, which, which Nick knows all about. I've said it on the podcast multiple times. Like, what's, what's a bar pizza?

Wow. I mean, this might be a, this might be a Rhode Island sort of cutoff or something, but it's, it's, I mean, everyone makes fun of me because they're like, oh, pizza that's served in a bar and that's not necessarily a, it's like a, it's like a 10 eight, 10 inch pan pizza that's served, that is usually served in bars, but it's, it's, it's like, it's a, it's popular across New England that the, the, the, the, there's cheese atop of it and it goes to the edge in the, in the, it's, it's laced edges.

So the cheese is kind of like burnt on the edge, but it's like a thin, a thin crackery crust, kind of people describe it as it's, it's very much its own specific thing. It's like these tiny 10 inch pies and, and I've, I've tried to explain it as it's like how did, how this Detroit style or it is just a style of pizza. That's all it is. And, and I, I've been making, I've been making bar pizzas, but I hit up DeAngelo's right before I got a steak and cheese from DeAngelo's and my

mom got a pastrami sandwich. And this was right after I had gone in for that test on the lumps. And I was told that to bring back the lumps, the, the lumps, um, I, I, uh, I, uh, we went there after, after I got the okay that everything was okay. So I went there and we got a celebration. I added another one. They diagnosed the lumps as a, a previous DeAngelo's meal, right? You know, worth it worth it.

Yeah. Nick, I was scared with those lumps. I'll tell you, clumps, good lumps, bad lumps were bad. I did not enjoy having the lumps. Was clumsy at Murphy. It was clumsy at Murphy. Yes. Clumps is the, that's the family.

He is, I guess he is a professor of clumps. I think I saw that in the theater. Yes. I want a hundred percent saw both of those in the theater. Do you remember that? Norbit, Norbit in the theater. You saw Norbit in the theater. Wow.

I'm classy. I just, I didn't know you were dealing with an elegant woman. I've, I've, I've never seen Norbit Norbit and I've, uh, we got sent the DVD of it. Why? Cause I gotta watch Norbit. Maybe we'll watch Norbit. You gotta watch Norbit. You gotta watch Norbit.

I would love, I would love to watch Norbit. I hear coming to America too is fun. I haven't seen it yet. I, I watched it. It's a, yeah. I mean, I liked it. I will say it's, it's kind of story wise. It's kind of thin, but also we watched coming, Mitch and Mitch and I watched coming to America.

He stressed it again. He did, he did stress it again. He stressed coming again. Cause I'm looking at my graphics package. He got excited. It is flashing on the screen again and there's squirts all around it. It's just squirts to America, which is a little weird, but you know what? We're all, we're all on month, going on my 13.

And I want to say that Weigar also has his name, his name in the zoom call is, is cookie-ass, which is a reference to our life. Oh, cookie-ass, cookie-ass. I mean, have you been making a lot of money as cookie-ass at least? You're going to be popular. You get a webcam, only fans. It's up and running. It's, yeah, the coming to America is very, it's a new tier.

Coming to America's, coming number two, America, the sequel is, it's got good jokes. I mean, what, I don't know. What do you want from a comedy? It made me laugh. That truly my bar is very low. If I last, if I have six belly laughs, I'm good. Geez, you don't have to get defensive of coming to America wise. It's, it's, it's fine.

I think people are enjoying it. I think people are like, people like it. The sad thing is I want to see it in the theater. It's sad. I want to see, I would, I would like to see that in a big, in a movie theater with a bunch of people. We're all getting itchy scratchy. It did.

I told, I told me when it started, it stressed me out listening to your podcast last week, hearing how crowded that cheesecake factory and be, and BJs were when you guys went to take out. That's just me out. Yeah. Unbelievable. Emma was saying before we started, she had up the Americana or the Glendale, one of the Glendale malls, one of the malls in Glendale, California, just outside LA.

And that, like that cheesecake factory was packed. Yes. Yeah. It was a, it was Saturday afternoon and it was, every table was full. There was like a line. It was, it looks like it was just like a normal day at the mall, but like everybody had masks on, but it was very, it was weird. Not enough money in the world.

I just, I, I truly, I've cut my own hair now four times. I'm getting a little feral, but I'm just, at this point, I'm riding it out. I'm just, I'm wait, like that's just, I'm, this is, this is what happens when you locked me in my house. I, I sat down for, I had an audition. So my mom was going to cut my hair and I like sat in the chair and I like had my hair, I, I like wet my hair and it was, and then she just like had just like shears from the kitchen, like giant scissors and she cut the front of my hair.

And I was like, stop, this is, this is awful. This looks awful already. You should get a flowbie. Do you remember the flowbies? I wish I had a flowbie. I wish flowbies were back. Did she read with you when you do your self tapes? Is she the reader?

She does. And that is like the feedback that I get is like, your mom read with you. That's funny. Anyways, we're passing on you. How did she do? She like, I mean, it's a nightmare. It's a true nightmare in many ways. I mean, I love my mom and she, and, and, and I, and I love her so much.

And she, and she does these things with me and it is like very frustrating because she, she has never done it or whatever. So it's like, this sort of thing of where sometimes she'll get like very into reading the lines and she'll be like, what do you mean? Like she'll do stuff like that. And I'm like, oh, I'd like to see one of these. It's that terrible that I want to see one of them. It's, I'll, I'll send, I'll send.

I mean, auditions are the most embarrassing thing in the world. It's the slate where you have to stand and like, Hey, I'm Art and Marine. I'm five foot four. I'm like, I feel like cookie ass when I do that. I feel very cookie ass. Hey, it's me, cookie ass. I'm five foot four in my garage. This is me with my own haircut, no hair dye.

You know, if you want to rescue Rapunzel from her tower, you know where to find me. That is, you know, so you have to pretend you're having a good time. You're like, Hey, Hey, Hey, I'm like, Mitchell, Hey, how you doing? Like, it has a stupid laugh. Yeah, it's fucking, it sucks. I'm not an actor at all. But I know the process of auditioning is already very degrading and dehumanizing. And then when you have the added layer of, OK, I have to do a bunch of extra work.

Like I have to find someone to do this scene with who's maybe not an actor. Like, you know, like a, somebody, hopefully doesn't have COVID. Hopefully doesn't have COVID. Yes. Assuming if you even live with, live with somebody, if you live alone, what are you going to read over zoom with somebody? That's going to mess up your timing. It's like, I've done that.

I've read on zoom with people and, and then there's the weird zoom delay. It's not good. It's, it's, I had to sing a song for this last one. I did too. Oh, maybe we auditioned for the same thing. I think I did. I think I did. We're always going in for the same parts.

You know, it's like, Oh, God damn it. I know, I know, I know, I'm a, I'm a Mike Mitchell type. No one is a Mike Mitchell type. No, they don't want a Mike Mitchell type, but my, but my mom was like, my mom was like, sing for me, Michael. And I was like, I don't want to fucking sing for you. I'm not going to sing for you. And then I did.

I did. I like, and I'm like, damn it. I'm fucking 40 years old. I'm like, singing for mother in the house. I need to get out of here. I need a song for mother, Michael. Just put my song for mother. What song did you sing?

Well, they asked for a contemporary song. So I sang a Gordon Lightfoot's If You Could Read My Mind, which is 50 years old, fresh, fresh charts, very hot on Tik Tok. I don't know any Ed Sheeran or whatever. I don't know any, I don't know any of these guys. I don't know the music. So I told them, I was like, I know this is contemporary, but this is a, I mean, I think it's, I think maybe they just meant don't do a musical

cause I didn't do contemporary either. Cause I was playing a real trash hole. So I did a, oh, you know what I did? I was going to do a song that I realized I was going to do just a small town girl. And I realized I couldn't hit any of the notes. So then I did, so then I did, I did a really pathetic Lisa Loeb stay, which I know I can actually hit the notes for. Not contemporary, but an okay, like I sounded not horrible.

Right. No, it was, it was, it was definitely, it added to all that embarrassment. I did, I did a bunch of takes with my mom. And then, you know, I get, oh, but ma, and then like when I'm reading the lines that I like get a line, right? She'll nod, she'll just do a single nod. And like, oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.

She's adorable. She gives like a single nod and I like see it and I'm like, oh, what the fucker? I can't fucking. It's distracting. It's too distracting. You're like in your child, you're like your boyhood bedroom. Just getting a nod, get a nod for mother. A nod and like, she gives her opinions.

I don't know. I mean, it's a true nightmare. It's a nightmare. No, I used to run my auditions on the phone with my mom and she would then, I wasn't, I was just trying to learn the words and she would then be like, you need to punch it. Like everything was like, you need to hit it. Like I love cheesecake factory or, you know, it's my comeback.

She actually, my mother came and told Nick to hit con. She, she actually emphasized the come and come back. I got some notes pre-record. She says, she says a lot of notes in advance to the podcast I'm about to do. A lot of notes in advance. Yeah. My mom, my mom, my mom will give, she'll give her, her, her, she'll give her take on the character and stuff like that too. Maybe she's right.

I don't know. I mean, like she'll like, I think you should be happy doing this. I'm like, the character is like depressed or whatever. She's like, but if you show your dimple, she wants us to show my dimple. It's just a, you're her baby boy. She's like, show that dimple. The dimples are calling card Mitch. You got to show that dimple.

She was like, you better shave so you can see the dimple. I was like, I don't care about this fucking dimple. You got to lead it with your vocal sack, baby boy. You put that sack first. Don't, don't hide your sack under a bushel, baby Mitch. This vocal sack is, it's on display right now, especially in front of a big ring light. You can fucking look disgusting.

But, uh, anyways. You look great. You look great. Literally nobody, at this point, if somebody's judging someone on Zoom, there's such an asshole at this point in the game. If somebody's here being like, look at that vocal sack. Like they're the worst person on earth. I was, I was told for an audition that they were like, hey, tell, tell your, the actor, this to my managers,

tell him to groom up a little bit. And I was like, motherfuckers, I can't get a haircut. What the fuck do you want me to do? Like it got me so mad. Of course I'm not going out and getting a haircut. I'm not going to do, I'm not going to risk my mom's life to get a fucking haircut. Yeah, no, it drives me nuts. Yeah, or lose your own sense of taste and smell for 15 years.

Like, you know, it's not happening. No. In fact, which I question if this twitchy eye is some sort of COVID thing. So I know, I know, I had a twitchy eye for a couple months. I went in, I went in and auditioned for Steve Carell. And I really thought he thought I was winking at him. You know what I, I couldn't stop it. All I could think of, I was like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I think I was having a lot of caffeine and was quite stressed out.

I'm going to cut out all caffeine. Yeah, I think it was caffeine and stress. Yeah. I don't know why I'm stressed. It's just this show. Maybe it's the show. Well, it's pandems. I mean, everybody's stressed. And it's fucking, it's much madness on top of it all. That's true. That's true.

That's another layer. Before we get into much madness proper, I did want to ask you, Arden, because we are in dessert country for this month. And I can't remember if we told this anecdote on the podcast. I think it was off air, but one of our competitor, one of the, the competitors that has been felled in a previous round, BJ's Brewhouse, the bazookie, has been eliminated. But you have a, you spent some time at a BJ's Brewhouse.

Is that correct? That is correct. I want to just correct my, I was so excited to be here last time. I panicked and I called BJ's Pub 99. I spent an entire weekend, a few years in a row, having every meal at the BJ's in Cooper, right near where the Apple campuses, when I was doing standup at Rooster Teeth Feathers up North. And first of all, did not get tired of it.

I was shocked, shocked last week when the bazookie, I've not had a bazookie, I mean, just, and only because I'm Robert Denner, I mean, like I am such a crackhead. And unfortunately, like when I started acting, you had to, like you had to be a certain stuff. Like I don't think it'd be harder for me to switch categories now. So like, do you know what I'm like? If I had the bazookie, I'm never going to not be having a bazookie from then on.

It's better, it's better off not to taste. I mean, they are very, very tasty. I was surprised hearing about it, hearing your descriptions. And I, and I, cause I kept seeing it come out when I was sitting there, seeing the pan, seeing this a skillet, a half cook cookie and a skillet with, I, no, I understand that it's not going to be the same with a pickup thing. It's not the same. Although I did enjoy that, that somebody got the instructions in California to put it in the oven. I was surprised.

The best idea for a dessert ever didn't win last week. I thought it was going to win. I think in normal circumstances it wins. I think if, if, if, or if Mitch and I were psychos who are going to dine in at a restaurant right now and had that version of the, of the bazookie, I think it wins. Cause it came close even as is, at least in my mind. It sounded so good.

It's so good. But you've, but you, despite all your BJ's meals, you've never had one. Only because let me, let me just tell you how excited I was to be asked. First of all, I enjoy both of you. I'm not even kidding. I, and I took this very seriously and I want you to know, of all the guests you could ask, the honor, I grew up with a, I have a parent who, my father, he, he was obsessed with his weight, but he had a sweet tooth, like a maniac.

And so I remember one day, nobody was handy in my house. And I heard him go, there was like this rusty hammer that would be out on our kitchen counter and like somebody put it away. And I heard him go, God damn it. He wasn't really a charmer. My mom was Tinkerbell. My dad, you want an entertaining daughter or have a salty dad. So my dad goes, my dad goes, my dad goes, God damn it. Who moved my cookie hammer? I'm like, what?

Turns out this genius, he was so obsessed with, uh, desserts. He was buying dinner plate sized cookies at the ice cream parlor in the town next door, but he didn't want to eat them fast. So he was aging them. So they were rock hard. And then he wouldn't, you see, so they were so hard, you couldn't break a piece off of it. And then he would smash it with an old rusty hammer and then like dunk it into

tea, like a biscotti. So it was like slower to eat. It was like a way to prevent him from eating. So, so that's my gene pool. Okay. Just so you know, I am the daughter of the creator of the cookie hammer diet. Okay. And then he was like, for a while he was eating nothing, but like grocery store baked round bakery cakes. And then he switched to sheet cakes as like a diet plan. And he lost weight because it was less icing per slice. You know what I mean?

So, so just, I want you to know that you, you're really picked genetic royalty to go into this. We've, we've, we've heard of like strange eating habits. And I think the cookie hammer is maybe the strangest thing I've ever heard. That is, that is, that is up there. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. It's cookie hammer. And it's, it's not a special cute hammer. Like it's also doubles as your hammer. Anybody can do it. Anybody has a cookie hammer.

You just didn't think that genius has the forethought to think, what's going to slow my eating? Oh, I can't bite into it. Let's make it as hard as a brick. There's so many like levels to that of just like how you end up with, how you start with large cookie and end up with cookie hammer, just like all the, the phases of just all the premeditation. It's unbelievable. He was also the original cookie. Yes.

He was, that's what he paid for my college education. He was the original cookie ass around Little Comfort Island. That's how I got educated. So. Wow. Wow. Just saying. Yeah. I don't think Nick deserves the title anymore. No, I think. I'll surrender it. I'll surrender it to the cookie hammer inventor.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, like, like Prince Harry, I'm abandoning my, my lineage. Yes. That's right. That's exactly right. But you had a good run and you really honored the title. You really honored the title. I want to apologize. I thought my ringer was off. Apparently that I just had a little. It was a very beautiful ring. Yeah.

It sounded, it sounded a little bit like the cookie hammer inventor was like, and I thank you for your service. You shake it. You did not break it. That's who put the hat to you, Mr. Nick. We'll be back with more Doe Boys. Welcome back to Doe Boys. We are here with Arden Maureen. Hi, Arden. Hi.

And let's get into Much Madness 2021. The Tournament of Chompians. Pine Noon, sponsored by Manscaped this week. The first of two semi-soft final matches. The winner of the Creamsman region versus the winner of the Junior Prom region. Ben and Jerry's versus the Cheesecake Factory. We've never, we've never, we've always joked about getting a sponsor and then we finally got one.

Yes, we did. We did it. We finally did it. Six years. Six years. We finally have us, we finally sold out effectively and have a, a sponsor for the Tournament of Chompians and it's a natural fit. It's a natural fit of Pube Trimmer for our food tournament. Who doesn't think of desserts when you think of trimming your own pubes? I'm looking so good down there, I want to treat myself.

I want to just woo myself. Wine and diner, yes. I enjoyed your leprechaun ad, excuse me, with the dick trimmer. Thank you. Oh, God, yeah. We, we're, we're, we're shocked that, we're shocked that anyone would want to work with us, but also manscaped specifically, because since the start of it, we've just been like manscaped and then they, I think they like it for whatever reason. They like it.

We talk about like eating pubes and shit and they're all, they're all on board. You know what? They're the DeAngelo's of manscaping. So the rules for this year's Munch Madness. Let's go through them real quick. First up, just desserts, meals may not appeal or the alt from Mitch. If you're an entree or a main, you cannot join the game. This is just a desserts tournament. Better. Next rule.

If your drink is not slushy, wiger will get fussy. The juice is not loose. So this is, we're not, we're not having juices. It has to be a smoothie or thicker. Next rule, doughnuts, doughnut count, this applies to all breakfast pastries. We are doing sweet treats that you'd have after a dinner. We're not having stuff that you'd have in the AM. Next rule, if it's in a mall, you can't play ball.

And finally, if it's national, it's national. So a lot of great regional chains, places like Culver's, your cookouts that could possibly win in normal circumstances, we can't go to them. So they're disqualified. The cookie puss, Carval, you can't. Yeah, Carval could have been, could have been a contender, but it's not. The contenders that we have remaining in this region, in this side of the bracket, are Ben and Jerry's, which won the Creamsman region, and the Cheesecake Factory,

which won the Junior Prom region, defeating the aforementioned BJs. And our full bracket is available at cellange.com slash munchmadness 2021. What are the other two, what is the other finalist categories? Who are the other ones that are competing? The other regions are the Easy Bake region and the Shaken Not Stirred region. Those matches are going on, on the Patreon, on our Doughboys double. And then the, that semi, the winner of those two matches, each of those winners

will compete against each other on next week's main feed, Doughboys episode. This is thrilling. On the waterfront. I love it. I could talk to you literally about this for days. And I'm not, I wouldn't get bored or tired. I just have to take some moisture breaks. That's it.

We got, we got some, we got some good news because I think that Wags, people are complaining that we don't have a scoring system. And so, Arden, you can maybe help us figure out a scoring system. I quoted, I could have been a contender is from on the waterfront. I thought it was from Raging Bull for a minute. I fucked up your quote, Wags. I could have been a contender. It's fine.

Yeah. I mean, there's, there's one in Raging Bull that's like that though, right? I think so. Also, it should be from Raging Bull. It makes more sense. You know what I'm saying? It makes more sense. Let's make it from Raging Bull.

It's from Raging Bull. It's from the best. Canonically, it's now from Raging Bull. It's from Raging Bull. So just put it away, tweeters. Sorry, tweeters. Tweeters, tweeters. How, what is a good score breakdown here?

Because first of all, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're deciding whether or not we send it to the Cenobites as we've decided this year. That's what I had a question. I don't know what a Cenobite is. And I actually Googled it and I couldn't find it. I don't think I spelled it right. I wanted to be clear what I was sending to the Cenobite to convert it to Catholicism, but I didn't know what it was.

Have you searched Pinhead? Are you familiar with the Hellraiser franchise? Yes, I've seen that. I've seen that. Okay. So those, the Cenobites are the creatures in there. There's Pinhead is the most famous one, but you've also got, what else? You got Butterball.

You got. I'm going to Google Pinhead. The Chatterer. Okay. The Chatterer. Let me, I'll share a, I'll share a photo of it. I need a visual of who I'm sending this flavor by too. Now wasn't the, wasn't Hell, Hellboy, wasn't that Ron Perlman?

Am I crazy? That's Hellboy. Different franchise. Okay, great. All right, with that, here we go. Here we go. It's these guys. Okay, great.

Okay, great. Oh, they're scared. Okay. They need some sweets. Yeah, very scary. They need some sweet treats. Why is it looks like the people who are in your limo for your junior prom? Can I see Hellraiser of what Hellraiser, like the, like what that looks?

The pin, no, Pinhead, Pinhead himself. Yeah, it's a, it's, it's a, one of those franchises like Child's Play, where the, the name of the franchise is not the name of the main character or the main villain, the main villain is Pinhead. I'm not sure if you can see him there. Okay, great. I saw. Okay, great.

Okay, great. Yeah. This guy, this little freak. He needs a nice McFlurry sent his way. Great. That's great. Okay. And now that's where, that's where we're sending about.

We don't have our scoring system. I guess we, the people were complaining about. Which I guess, I was convinced, and here was what a question I had because it feels like, you know, I was listening and I, and I agreed with you about some of the, like, it's, it's hard in the pandemic, having the, the travel, because let's be real, the cheesecake factory makes it so beautiful. They've really nailed portable desserts, you know, and, you know, poor Ben and Jerry, they're like stoned in Vermont.

They're like, here's a couple of cups. Deal with it. Here's a couple of bowls. It truly is an issue. I didn't know how much like the, the actual, the, the portability and the beautiful, you know, because if the, I feel that, that almost shouldn't be a factor because I, I, like, I feel like it should be, if you were a plating it, if you just took the plating aside and presenting it to some, if you were trying

to get laid and just, it was just on flavors alone. And you, you know, Ben and Jerry's didn't know what pandemic was coming. You know, that was my question. If Wiger and I want to get laid, we, we're going to have to shell off her for monster, first of all. Yes. Yes. Um, I, I, it's, it's an interesting thought.

I mean, I would argue that, and, and we, I basically was saying this earlier, I think that, that the travel factor ended up being decisive in the creamsman region or I'm sorry, in the, in the junior prom region. Cause I think that because cheesecake factories packaged so elegantly and because it travels so well and because it's a piece of cheesecake versus the bazooki, which requires a little bit of, you know, it just, it just requires that a little labor presentation and yeah, that flavor and that, and that pizzazz. Yeah.

Um, and, and also just logistically just being piping hot, which you can't really accomplish in the same way. So I don't know. I mean, I think it's impossible. It's hard not to factor it in, but definitely to your point, to your point, cheesecake factory does a, does a fantastic job of, of packaging all there to go food and Ben and Jerry's and I, you know, I went to the parlor for this particular visit and, uh, and, you know, yeah, it's just, it's just scoops ice

cream in a cup. Like it just, I got three scoops in a cup. It's, it's kind of a very straightforward presentation. They're not doing anything snazzy there. And obviously we get the pints. It's a pint. Okay. All right.

I just, yeah, that was just my, that was my, you know, I love a game. I love, I just want to know the rules of the game. So that was my one question. Wags is fired up. Yeah. Yeah. I'm fired up. All right.

Okay. Cool. This is important. Whoa. Be cool, man. No, I'm pissed off. Wow. Fuck.

He's pissed. God, oh my God. He's so angry right now. He's enraged. I didn't feel better. Okay. Good. Good.

That was quick. I wanted to tell you he just, he just, he just stored that anger for some later explosion. Push it down, down, down. So come out sideways. His poor bride is going to come out sideways. Yeah, no, but I think you're, I think you're right though, Art. And it's like, it's, it's, it's tough to weigh all these things.

And I think, I think it ultimately comes down to whatever, however you want to judge it. Cause like, like if it's, if it's important, if it's a factor that matters to you or doesn't matter to you, I mean, that absolutely, it's going to be personal for everyone. Okay. All right. So here I'm going to break it down then, Wags.

Yes. Go for it. Travel will be a category. Okay. Wow. Travel including travel. We know who wins on that one. Travel, travel.

Okay. Okay. Uh, taste is another one. Yeah. Okay. Taste and travel. And maybe the one that you thought about the most since you had it, the one that you didn't know.

Oh, that's good. Yeah. The one that's been like whispering to you a little bit, like if you're like the one that's just tantalizing. The one that's tantalizing. Yeah. Travel and tantalizing. Is that, is there, is there like a ghost?

What is it? A ghost? Ghost. The ghost, the ghost of dessert past is like, it's almost the one that got away. Like which one are you still thinking about? I like that. I like that a lot. The, the, the one that stayed with you and, and also tummy troubles has to be a

part of this. Sure. Tummy troubles. We're staying with the teas. These are all teas. Great. Teas and Wags. Uh, if you were writing us, we'd definitely get some low teas.

Uh, but what, what, what, what, what, what, what do we, what do we, what do we, what do we judge? What are we judging? What are we judging out of? What are, is it basketballs? Are we doing referee whistles? What are we doing? Uh, yeah.

I mean, that those are both, uh, again, just natural fits for this tournament. We've, we've done a lot or cookie pusses. I mean, we could do it out of cookie pusses. What, hey, why the hell not? It's a dessert tournament. Yeah. All right. Cookie pusses.

It is one. So we got four categories that we will be judging each of these chains in, but first, before we get to that, and we'll recap the, we'll recap the categories, Mitch, one more time. It was taste, taste, tantalizing, tummy trouble, travel. Great. Perfect. Uh, we'll, uh, we'll go through those categories, but let's talk about what we

got, uh, Arden, let's start with you and Ben and Jerry's. Uh, what was your Ben and Jerry's experience? Thank you so much for asking. I printed it out. Wow. Put on glasses, took out notes. Took out notes. Love this.

Okay. So here's the thing I really wanted to do right by you guys. And, um, I was so, I know I keep saying this, but it's like literally no, I was like, wow, this is an important assignment. And so I thought it out and I thought I'm going, I decided to pick, um, I decided to pick items at both things that are in the same flavor profile. I felt like at Cheesecake Factory, it had to be a cheesecake, obviously, but I decided to go in the same flavor family to, um, have them compete against one

another. So I got, I know I, I ordered twice on Postmates from, and it got canceled from the downtown one because they were too busy or maybe they were like, fuck you, lady, you're going to Postmates and Ice Cream Sunday. Get out of your house. But I was like, yes I am. So then Uber Eats delivered it and I got a, uh, it got a custom Sunday, a brownie Sunday, and I wish I'd listened to your podcast before.

I was so excited. I think I ordered it the night that you guys asked me. I think I ordered it immediately. So I don't even think your podcast was out yet. I would have gotten the Netflix and chilled because I've never heard of that. I've never, I love peanut butter. Excuse me. Peany Boo, please.

So I got freshly baked brownie with a chocolate peanut butter squirrel. Now I'm more of a vanilla gal like Nick, but I was like, I want, I, I love me so peanut butter. So it's milk chocolate ice cream with a, I couldn't pass up a thick peanut buttery swirl is what really dragged me in. That was the first scoop, second scoop, classic. Also another faves milk and cookies. It's the vanilla ice cream with the chocolate cookie swirl, chocolate chip

and chocolate chip cookies, all the different cookies. And then I had on top chocolate fudge, Oreo crumbles and whipped cream. Damn. I will say it was the ugliest package you have ever seen arrive, but they were smart about it. They didn't assemble it. It wasn't soggy. They were all, the brownie was in its own container.

The fudge was terrible for the environment. Also disappointed. I got a wooden spoon. I know it's terrible for the turtles. I wanted the plastic spoon. I love a plastic spoon. I know I'm trash. So I had to assemble the ice cream.

I heat, first I heated up the brownie separately, then I put on the ice cream. I also heated up the fudge. I put it all in. I got to tell you, it was so good. What it lacked in beauty. So it actually traveled well. You know, it traveled well in that it wasn't slushy. It looked so boring and basic when it first arrived, but put together in a nice bowl.

The only thing missing was a plastic spoon. It was so tasty. Like the cookies and cream, I think, really, it's been a minute. Again, as I mentioned, Robert Downey Jr. here can't do it too often. The cookies and cream was so good. The brownie looked like the loser brownie at an elementary school. Delicious.

The peanut butter swirl in that chocolate. I'm not a chocolate guy. I'm not a chocolate ice cream gal. It was so good. And that fudge reminded, I love McDonald's Sundays. I love a McDonald's fudge. I love sort of like a chunky, fake fudge. Ugh, I'm going to give it.

It was so good. A lot of cookie asses. I don't want, I feel like there's like a five cookie asses. It was so classic, simple, delicious. I thought it was going to be like three. It looked so depressing when it arrived and it was delicious. Wow. Wow.

Highly recommend. Very classic. I wish Netflix and chill was in there, but it's so good. I loved it. It was really delicious. So there we go. Wow. Sounds absolutely decadent.

And I will say that I had a similar Ben and Jerry's experience in terms of, I went to the Ben and Jerry's parlor on Main Street in Santa Monica and, and just found a park bench nearby in front of a library to eat, to sit down and eat in front of a, by myself, a sad, pathetic, fat man eating a. That sounds, that's just depressing. Park bench in front of a library. Eating three scoops of ice cream. Never to be seen again.

Yes. But I will say. Watch, quick question. Yeah. How, how many, how many moms pulled their kids away from you? He was like a seated Amber Alert. If you, if you, if you watch too close to him, you're an Amber Alert would go off on your iPhone.

Yeah. People just, children just kept screaming, stranger, dangerous. They were like, Hey, I'm just eating ice cream here. What? You want some? Eating alone. Can't a man eat some ice cream? And the scoops were small.

It was a very small, I was, when I thought Sunday, I thought, yeah, let's do it. Like let me not fit in my pants. And it was like, they're like, no lady like yourself more. Like I felt like they almost put me on a diet. Like it was not a lot of food. I wonder, because my scoops weren't, you know, I don't think their, their scoops are particularly ample there. I got the large and I got three scoops.

But yeah, they are kind of, you've got other parlors. I'll give you a little bit more. I mean, even, even we covered Baskin Robbins last, last time and Baskin Robbins, I feel like gives you a larger portion. That said, the ice cream is so good. And, and I kind of took the approach of, I got, I got one classic. I got one I hadn't had. And then I got, I got, just got a straight up vanilla because I never had any of

the, any Ben and Jerry's flavor without a mix in. Um, and someone on our Discord server, the Dosecord was like, Hey, I know you like vanilla. They're, Ben and Jerry's makes a great vanilla. They do make a great vanilla. It's really good. It's, it's got, you know, it's not the best vanilla I've ever had, but I think it's right up there with like a hog and does in terms of just like a pure

flavor at a higher quality level than a lot of other brands. It's the best vanilla you ever had. Ooh, great question. Hmm. I'd have to think on that. I do, I do have a lot of fandom for there's a, uh, Hey, while you're at it, why, what's your favorite paper bag brand? I like the Trader Joe's paper bags with the handles.

I think those are nice. Those are nice. Um, I, I, yeah, but vanilla, let's see. There's a, uh, a sweet rose creamery, which is a parlor in, uh, on the west side, there's a few of them. They, they made, they do a really, really good vanilla. It's, and that's certainly what, what I think of when I think of just like getting like an opulent, uh, dick decadent of vanilla, uh, just a

straight, straight scoop of that. I'm, I'm, I'm, you just say, you just say, look, you've been stressing, you've been stressing to come and you said, I got some notes. I got a PowerPoint here reminding me what syllables to emphasize. There's an eggplant emoji just flashing on the screen. I want to say just when you time of the parlor, and I heard you guys talking about this last week, the reason I didn't go in person was I feel like Ben and Jerry, the actual parlor bums me out.

Like, and there's so many cute parlors now. That would be my one note to them is up your parlor game. I think that's fair. I mean, especially in our, in our current, uh, situation, it's like, it's not fun to go into a Ben and Jerry's parlor. It's like, it feels very sterile and, but I think even in normal times, I think it kind of feels like it's just, there's nothing special. It feels like, I think we've, we maybe made the comparison, Mitch, to like

the Microsoft store. Like it's like, it exists as a thing to be like, Hey, this is our brand. We have an ice cream, but really their, their real business is just selling ice cream in, in supermarkets. Um, the reason I didn't do that. Cause again, the reason I didn't get pints was I thought, okay, again, the little pupil in me was like, this is about restaurants. So this is about the restaurant experience.

This is not about grocery stores. This is about restaurants. So you do the parlor. That's just so, just to be clear. That's why I did it. I think, I mean, I appreciate you being so comprehensive above and beyond. And also, Hey, you get it. You gotta give it to Ben and Jerry's in the way that look,

like we said, you're mostly getting cartons out of these places, but they do have the scoop shops. And for this tournament, it is big that you can just go get a f***ing, a pint of Ben and Jerry's. It's huge. You can go to 7-Eleven and get some delicious Ben and Jerry's. It's, it is, it, it definitely hurts. I'm sorry.

It definitely helps Ben and Jerry's. It doesn't hurt it. So. One hundred percent. Uh, so I, so I'm sitting there on the park bench eating this, uh, dick it at vanilla. Um, I've also, the other flavors I got, I got cherry Garcia, which is not necessarily my favorite, but I think it's a good execution of, of that

concept is cherry ice cream with cherries and fudge flakes. You were telling me it was, you were telling me it was delicious, right? Yeah. When the children were walking by, you just keep going, oh, this is so dick it in. I hope I'm not making you uncomfortable. Cherry Garcia described their description, are euphorically

edible tribute to guitarist Jerry Garcia and Grateful Dead fans everywhere. It's the first ice cream name for a rock legend, which I did not know, and the most famous of our fans suggested flavors. Uh, so yeah, some historical significance for the Ben and Jerry's company. Um, again, they're, they're Vermont hippies. And so this is the kind of shit they like, but I think it's a good ice cream. I also got the whiskey biz. Uh, I think my main issue, just to search the Jerry, Jerry Garcia, I think

my main issue is I don't really love maraschino cherries. I don't like love and overly sweet and cherry. I like cherries in general, but like that sort of like syrupy, uh, you know, just like soaked in sugar water, uh, kind of pseudo pickled like cherry. I don't love. You're not a Shirley Temple guy. No, not really. Yeah, I like a shory, a shory, delicious.

I mean, as an actor, I'm a Shirley Temple guy. Sure. That's like, I hang it out of the bench. He loves, he loves, oh, wait a minute. Eating a Sunday, watching Shirley Temple shorts on his iPhone. It's like that in Webster. Great. Uh, the, the, the third flavor I got is whiskey biz, which is a brown butter

bourbon ice cream with blonde brownies and whiskey caramel swirls topped with white chocolatey ganache and white fudge chunks. A lot going on here, potentially, uh, ungepochka. I did like the whiskey caramel swirl more than I expected. And I love brown butter ice cream. And I think this was a, this was a good execution of it. I mean, like, I, I would not get this one again. But I, the thing I will say for Ben and Jerry's is that they take big swings

and when they connect, they hit it out of the park. And I like that they try like bold things. Like they try this flavor that's got like seven different components. It's probably someone's favorite flavor. There's probably someone who's like, that is my favorite ice cream in the whole world. What was the flavor of the base against? What's the base of the ice cream? Brown butter bourbon ice cream.

The, the, the base of it was good. Um, and I also got one more big thing. One more thing. I got a, a, a giant chocolate chip cookie. I got one of them big old chocolate chip cookies. They call them giant. Did you have a hammer? Did you have a hammer with you?

I put it in my wine cellar for a few months and then took it out. Uh, it's, I had, I was not expecting to like this cookie so much. It was a fantastic cookie. I thought like, oh, this would be a toss in, or this is just something they have that they can make, you know, ice cream sandwiches or Sundays out of. But it was great. I ate all of this. I was not planning on eating all of this.

I ate the entire giant cookie and three scoops of ice cream on a park bench by myself and I had the time of my life. It was delicious for you. That's wonderful. It was so good. Uh, Mitch, your Ben and Jerry's. Wow. What a day, Wags.

Um, where was that? Where was Natalie during all this? Uh, she said she had some stuff to take care of. Uh, I, I went out last night to get my Ben and Jerry's. Wow. Um, and I said, you know, I'm going to do something. I'm going to do something a little simple. So I went to, I actually had to, I got my cheesecake factory and then I went

right over to Ben and Jerry's, right across the, the South Shore Plaza. Such a good, such a good mall. Great. And the mall, I, my, my mall, I grew up in the South Shore Plaza. Sure. I, uh, I, I, I grabbed from the cheesecake factory. I grabbed my cheesecake. I went over across the street.

Is that the brain tree? Is that the one in brain tree? Yes. Yep. It's brain tree. Yep. It's in brain tree. It used to be the brain tree mall, but now it's, and now it's got fancy.

It's the South Shore Plaza. Yeah. And across the street, there's a, it was brain tree cinemas and now it's an AMC. That's where I worked there one summer. I worked at the AMC up there. And they got that, like that seafood restaurant that's so popular. That's at the Logan airport.

They have, yeah. Legal seafood is just right down below it. They got legal seafood. It's right near the drive-in movie theater. Right. There you go. There's the, yeah, the drive-in is like around the back. Just so lucky to be in Massachusetts.

I'm happy for you. It was, it, I love, I love being back. I went, I, I, I, except I, I don't love going into these places. I went into the, I always say that going into the, uh, the cheesecake factor was pretty simple and then the bed and cherries was, was vacant. And like I just said last time, Nick, it was open to 930 and I, I feel like I was the only person in there in that last half hour I had to be, but is it cold?

Is it cold there now? Is that people are like, we're not doing ice cream yet. That's a summer. I think that, I think that is a part of it. I think that that, in, in, you know, in a month or two, that will be changing, but there's still some DQs that are shut down just for the season and stuff like that. Yeah.

But I went in there and I said, I'm going to keep it simple this time. One, I'm going to get Netflix and chilled because I didn't get it last time. I wanted it here. And you talking about it. I wanted it. And then I, and then I've heard from some people on the dose cord, which is the discord we use for, for dough boys, that people really like chocolate therapy. And my mom and I are both chocolate fans.

So I got a scoop. Uh, I got a Sunday that was a scoop of Netflix and chilled bad name, but good ice cream, and I got a scoop of chocolate therapy. And then I did it just a simple Sunday and then I got hot, uh, hot fudge and whipped cream. That was it. That's all. So good.

That sounds so good. And it was this, it traveled a little better because the, the, the Sunday was in kind of like a tall cup. It was almost like a, like a shake cup. And, uh, one in there that it was made pretty quickly. I think that they have that hot fudge just like, uh, is warm and like a little container there. They just, they pump it out and, uh, and, and, and it took, you know, just a

couple of minutes to make it. And I rushed home, you know, I was, I was in the car, uh, running red lights, not stopping to get the Sunday back, uh, in time, fully intact. Uh, you were an essential worker. You were an essential worker, essential. You were like an ambulance driver. You had to get that Sunday home in time. If there's an ambulance on the road, I get right behind it.

I just, I'm a, I'm a bit of an ambulance chaser, but I got my Sunday melting. I, uh, I get back to the house. I, I, and you know, it was like a 10 minute trip or so 10 to 12 minute trip. And you know what it held up a lot better than last time than the, and I think that the reason was, is because that also for people, I'm not chasing it. I'm not running red lights and I'm not chasing people. No, people understand your joke.

No, they don't. They're mad. I mean, is it, it's not, it's bare, it's barely a joke. I was, it was, it was bare. I barely attempted a joke, but he couldn't find an ambulance to chase or he just ran the red lights anyway. An ambulance was chasing me because they saw me, they saw a person and my condition get a Sunday and they were, they were following me on.

We're worried about you. Those de-emplosed lumps, we're worried about you. You're like, no, it's fine. It's fine. I, I, uh, I was, I was very, I was nervous because of, because last time it was a soup, we got a bit of a soup and it was still delicious, but not having the hot brownie, uh, was, was a big factor. It didn't, the ice cream wasn't melted.

I got back, we dig into this thing. The chocolate therapy is fantastic. Then we, we, we scooped down a little bit and we get that Netflix and chilled. My mom and I, and let me tell you, we're not eating this at the same time. You're freaks, but I get down to that, that Pepe lapieu. We didn't, we're not, we're not, there's, there's nothing. It was a very normal night.

My mom is alive. She hasn't been psyched. She's not in a chair and as a skeleton. Sure. And so we get to that, we get to that peanut butter chunk from the Netflix and chilled and it was like the flavors coming together. It was like two, it was like 2001 wigs when, when, when you start seeing all the colors and he's, he becomes star man.

It was like, uh, the dessert equivalent of that. It was so good. I thought you meant the ape's throwing the bone in the air. I didn't know which part you were referencing. At the end, when, when, when all the, when the color is flying by and he's, and he's going to a new, yeah. And he's like, I could have been a contender. I could have been a contender, you know, I could have been a contender part.

I just ordered Netflix and chilled last night after listening to the podcast. Cause he really made it sound. It's probably, it's probably in the Pizuki category for me. Better to hear about probably for this daughter of the cookie hammer inventor, probably better not to try. I'm going to tell you how to be trusted. You know, you, it, it, because if it comes to that tantalizing, if that what it was, that what we're calling it.

Yes, the one that got away, the one that got away, yes, tantalizing. This is, this is 10 cookie pusses. I mean, like this is a, wow, this is a perfect score. It's just, it was one of those things where I was like, in my mind, I'm going to say this, going in, I was like, there's cheesecake factories going to win this one. Me too. Me too. And it's, and it's time is up.

And then I walked away and I was like, God damn. This is a, this is going to be a game. This is a big game. I am not sure. And I still am not sure. I'm going to just say that. Me too. It, it, it, it, it really, it, it, it, it, it, it blew my mind how good it was.

And my mom and I both were just like, that is, that's fantastic. When it was just fantastic. I ate them both in one day and, and, and, uh, cheesecake factory arrived first. And as I mentioned, I had a hard time getting my pause. I wanted to do it all sort of at once. So I could really be clear-minded about comparing that. And I was having a hard time getting so much to deliver it to me. As I say, I don't leave my house.

And when it arrived, I was like, well, cheesecake factory ones, like, look at this sad dessert. And then I compiled it and I'm like, oh, shit. It's like a good dog. This is so good. This is a problem. It's a real race. It's a horse race.

It's anybody's game. It's anybody's game. It is anybody's game. They both could have been contenders. They both are contenders. They both, they both are contenders. And I, and I truly, I mean, just was, was, was really floored by how good this, this Sunday was.

And that fudge, that fudge. I love a mass produced fudge that's been heated up for too long in public. But my mom, my mom makes hot fudge at the house. She makes some New England hot fudge. She makes it all the time. And that sounds strange. But anyways, you were living, you were living a little boy's dream there. In Quincy Mass.

I'm so jealous of you. I love your mom. Mom's making hot fudge. Oh my God. She's not making it all the time. It's not like, it's not like the fucking Willy Wonka's fucking chocolate factory. I just picture like, show your dimple. Here's some hot fudge.

Let's go chase the man, villains. You live in the dream. She gets some dangylos, please. She gives me a spoonful of hot fudge for every time I flash my dimple. Just like Shirley Temple. That's how Shirley Temple became a billionaire. And then Nick is just going to be watching that. Yeah.

I was offering kids that at the outside the library. No takers who want some fudge. Show your dimples and I'll give you some fudge. I can't have fudge. You want some fudge, little boy? Here's some fudge. Let's jump your dimple. Show me your dimple.

I'm offering them straight out of a container just filled with fudge. It was delicious. So my mom is a bit of a fudge snob. She'll be tough on some hot fudges. Sure. And this thing is just pumped out of a big fucking container, which doesn't mean I don't know what the quality of fudge is, but it's kept in basically like the butter machines for popcorn.

It's same, same difference. Love it. And the fudge is really, really good. It just really, really worked all the flavors together. And a big part of that is because the ice creams are just so damn good. So I'm going 10 for that, for the tantalizing aspect, for the taste. I got to go 10 cookie buses, travel. I would say this time around it was better, but it's still probably like a seven

earn this time. It was like a seven or an eight. I'll say seven point five. And last time it was like a four or three. Like it was not a good travel. And is that everything? Tummy. Tummy.

Tummy, yes. Tummy is about a four as well. The I will say that the thing that the thing that seems to affect me most are these throughout this whole thing. Are these are these are the Ben and Jerry Sundays? They are. You may not be a dairy guy. I'm not.

We're dairy dudes. We're dairy dudes. But, but maybe, but sometimes things that was, I was always a sweet lady, but I think I like, I had, it was all I had. And eventually my body was like, Hey girl. Yeah, we can't roll. So your role, honey, you want to be a cookie hammer user? You know, like let's just come down.

Yeah. There, there has come a point where I'm just like, Oh, I can't. Maybe I have to start taking lactate or something. But this is, this clearly is like there is clear tummy troubles. Maybe it's, maybe it's causing my eye twitch. I don't know what it is, but overall pretty good scores. Wikes for, for, for, for Ben and Jerry's. So you're, so you're rolling right into your scores.

Yeah. You're rolling your scores right now. I feel like I want to save mine for the, okay. I forgot how we did it. I, the munch madness is weird. You got to stop trying to appease the fans. I love the fans. I'll follow whatever you want to do.

Yeah. But the dough, they don't have a scoring system this year. They had, they're supposed to rank it out of basketball. Shut up. Yeah. Shut up. Leave us alone. All right.

You know what? I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll do my scores again and let's see if they match up from what I said now. Yeah. Okay. Cause I feel like whoever goes first is going to be at a disadvantage. You know what I mean? Like, like that you want to do it head to head having, having reasoned it all out.

That's a good point, Arden. I'm fucked up. All right. Now you're, I'm a piece of shit and everybody knows it. It is. It's true. No, you're doing great. You're doing great.

Let's pivot to the cheesecake factory. Arden, your cheesecake factory experience. Glasses come back on. Notepad comes back out. Okay. Excuse me. Okay. So as I mentioned before, and again, I didn't know I could get multiple cheese

cakes. I was like, I got to pick one item. I didn't know I could order all the items. It was probably for the best. Um, so I wanted to go head to head. As I mentioned earlier, to try to go in the same sort of flavor profile, I compared the websites, the thing that was really screaming at me from both. As I mentioned, I love me a peanut butter.

So I figured I needed a, just giving you my reasoning, I needed a cheesecake and I wanted something that had some of the original cheesecake in it that I could just scoop out on its own first. I could like get a little tiny fork in there and just get some of the original flavor, but I am a monster. I respect your purist, Nick. I respect the side of you that's like, oh, I'll just go vanilla bean. And I'm sure yours are delicious.

I would want to steal it, but I'm, I'm, I'm a, I'm a garbage person. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm like, Now we're talking. Yes. I'm like, Gabriel's who needs somebody to scream Hercules at me. You know what I'm saying? I need Mitch's mom to put it in the trash and put an orange juice on it. Like all of it.

I'm not, I'm not elegant. I'm not like, oh, a purist. I'm not just going to get the vanilla bean, which I'm sure is great. I want all of it. So I got Reese's peanut butter, chocolate, cheesecake. I saw, I had my eyes on this one. It's chunks of Reese's. I love Reese's.

It's chunks, which sounds a lot like what Mitch got as a Sunday, the chocolate, then the peanut butter, like just chasing that flavor profile. Even though I'm a vanilla lady, but I knew it had the vanilla cheesecake in it. So I had the chunks of Reese's peanut buttered cups in the original cheesecake with layers of delicious fudge cake and caramel. And then there was a side of the, uh, they're like thick whipped cream. First of all, this lovely man from Door Dash drove it, hopped out. His wife would not look at me.

I wasn't used to somebody having a passenger. And I was like, Oh, are you, is this cheesecake? Is this for Arden? And he was, he was so nice. His wife just kept staring. I'm trying to like, thank you, you know, tipping a hundred percent. She wouldn't make eye contact with me. I'm not going to deduct because of the wife of the Uber driver.

I get it inside. I do want to say that the last time I got cheesecake factory for next birthday week, I, my cat slept in the, they make great containers. My cat Mittens, my tuxedo cat slept who I know you have your tooth. Do you have your cats with you in Massachusetts? I brought them back to Quincy. They flew on a, on a flight with me, uh, all the way back here to Quincy mass. Both, both in the main cabin.

They, they, I got, I, I, for, I got a first class flight. They, they flew first class while in Irma because I thought that during COVID, it would be the way to go. And, and because, oh wow. So my cat is holding up her phone. My, slept in the cheesecake factory container for like eight months until I finally threw it out because I was, cause I had a cheese, an empty cheesecake factory container.

It was starting to feel like when my house was getting a little too COVID-y, like a little too pandemic, like you should like yourself more than just having cats sleep in food containers. So that makes that being said, they make a great container, both as a cat bed and as a cheesecake, 10 out of 10. And the delay. Arden, Irma, my cat got in the cheesecake bag. She was in the cheesecake bag.

She's sitting in the cheesecake. If you're a cat lover and you also love flavors, get yourself some like post made, store dash, Uber Eats, get yourself some takeout, cheesecake factory. Your cats will love it. Your cats are going to love it. So I, it was standing upright. You guys, it was so excited. It was so much like just the whipped cream vital, just the whipped cream.

That whipped cream, are you kidding me? Like the, I didn't, I mean, look, I love whipped cream. I love a ready whip. Like I will eat that can straight, straight, not to be disgusting, but like, you know, it's delicious. I mean, I love that. This whipped cream, like I felt like could stand unrefrigerated and still be edible, like seven days later and still look beautiful.

Like it was really thick. This was the chocolate portion, the cheesecake portion. I mean, it was so much and so good and just delicious. And the, and the chocolate cake was delicious. And again, I'm not really a chocolate cake gal, but the peanut butter part, the, it was so exciting. It was, and I'm never full. I am, I have the separate portion of my stomach.

Like I, I just was born without an off valve. So it, if I felt like if I had finished this and I only didn't out of vanity because I have a very slow metabolism. So if I ate this, I would never fit in any of my pants. If I finished all of this in one night, I couldn't have the Sunday in this all night. It was very, you need to send in the closers. The wags and I would have came down there.

We would have, we would have closed that thing out. I mean, look, honestly, I, I could have finished it in like 20 seconds. It was like, it took everything. I mean, it had to get like put down the drain. I would, if it was in the trash, I would have like eaten it with the arse juicing on it. This is a similar, similar situation last night to where with the Ben and Jerry's, I was like, one last bite and my mom was like, Michael, and then I put it over by

the trash, like on the counter, and then I had one, I had, I had another bite before I put it down the drain. Of course you did. How could you not? It was so good. It's really thick. It's really rich. It was really rich, but it was, it was, it was delicious.

It was like, God damn, I mean, the cheesecake factor, I've never had a loser at the cheesecake factor. I mean, they, they don't get anything wrong in my mind. It was delicious. They're really, really good. I mean, like, yeah. It was very sweet. And I, and I'm also a person, I have a very, I am not elegant.

I like 7-Eleven. I love my Flurry. Like I was aware that it was very, very sweet. So if you were somebody that doesn't like it, super sweet. If I'm aware it's sweet, it's pretty sweet. Yeah. Definitely. Yeah.

I want a hundred percent. And that's the case with a lot of their cheesecakes, including one of the ones I got. I went and picked up a couple of cheesecakes. The Segway King. And a non-cheesecake dessert. That's what, that's what I bring to the podcast. I can Segway with the best of them. The, so here's my experience picking it up is I went to the host stand at the

Marina Del Rey Cheesecake Factory and there's someone outside and I went on a week night. So it wasn't like last time I went on the weekend, it was, it was crowded and it was stressful. This time there wasn't like really anybody there. And I went up and I went to pick up my order and the guy says, you must be Nick. Like he was waiting for me. That's great.

I love that for you. I loved it. Yeah. Uh, so, uh, I was, and I took my order and I took it home and the, the celebration cheesecake is the first one I got. I wanted that. I wanted that. It has the confetti on it.

It was so cute. Yeah. Natalie, so Natalie hates, this is a, this is a, a point of disagreement within our relationship. Natalie hates birthday flavor. I love birthday flavor, but she's like, she's like, that looks disgusting. I don't want any of that. You can get that, but I'm not going to have any.

And I had all of it. And you know what? I loved it. It's, it's vanilla cake, cheesecake, strawberry, chocolate and vanilla mousse with cream cheese frosting. Um, and that's, and just a bunch of sprinkles, a shitload of sprinkles. I love sprinkles. That does seem kind of, that does seem kind of nasty to me.

Honestly, it is a little disgusting, but it was good. It's one of the first photos on the website and, and it did. It appealed to the little kid in me that was like, give me that spring, like give me that cake, give me that pink. I want to, I thought I had to pick one, but that was the other way. Almost picked that one. It is a very childlike dessert. I think this is a, this is a good report card dessert.

Um, and, uh, but I enjoyed it as a 40 year old man. What's a birthday flavor? What's birthday flavor? Uh, you know, it's like, uh, there's the birthday Oreos. There's the, it's, it's kind of like a general sort of sprinkly vanilla cake, I'd say the birthday Oreos is the, like a fun fettie. Like a fun fettie. Yeah.

Yeah. It's, it's anything that you kind of got, got like a vaguely colored speckles, um, and vanilla-y. Uh, but, but I thought this was a good execution. Yeah. A lot going on, but I thought the, the strawberry actually worked really well within this. Um, and, and it was just colorful and fun.

It was just, it was just dazzling to look at. I also got the, we, we got the tiramisu cheesecake. This is the one Natalie wanted, uh, our wonderful cheesecake and tiramisu combined into one amazing dessert of the, so, you know, kind of coffee flavored. I, this was really good too. And the, the little cookies within it were, were, were great little nuggets. I mean, they, they, they, it was the, the crust of this one in particular was really, really flavorful.

Sometimes you'll get those cheesecake where it's just got like a lot of just a dense flavor at the end piece, which I like about cheesecake. It's kind of the reverse pie. Like, like pie oftentimes the crust is like the least interesting part, but sometimes with cheesecake, the, the, like the edge is the most interesting part. It's like, oh, that's like, that's got the most flavor. That was definitely kids tiramisu cheesecake. Finally, we got not a cheesecake, but they do good desserts there that

aren't cheesecakes, including this one, the chocolate tower truffle cake. This was just a huge ass, big honkin, chocolate cake, like, you know, like a fucking just a towering chocolate cake that came on and, and with just a whole bunch of mousse and a whole bunch of, of that whipped cream that Arden was talking about. How about that whipped cream? Great whipped cream. The whipped cream is great.

Chocolate cake. This is, now this is like a thing that you get for like a, a, a bachelorette party and you share it. It was like a gigantic portion. The two people tackling this was, we were overwhelmed, but it was really, really good. It was a great chocolate cake. Um, and, uh, I, I thought they were all hits. They were all great.

Every single one of these worked or all three of these worked. Uh, Mitch, how about you? What'd you get for cheesecake factory? Well, like I said, I got, I picked this up last night too. Um, so it was a dessert heavy night for us. We, so we were just, we were taking bites. We were just taking bites and I think sometimes that's the way to do it. Just binge it all in one night.

That's what I wanted to, that's what I did. Yeah. My, my mom, my mom. So when I tell my mom, I'm doing this first. She's, she's like mortified and you know, scared I'm going to die and all that. And then, and then after that, once we come to terms with it's inevitable that I'm going to die and we should just order what we want to order. Right.

We decided that we're going to do one fruity type of cheesecake and one chocolatey type of cheesecake. That's kind of what we settled on. So what we went for was the lemon raspberry cream cheesecake, which is raspberry vanilla cake, creamy lemon cheesecake and raspberry, raspberry ladyfingers and lemon mousse. That's the, that's, that's the first one that comes with that whipped cream. And then we went with a, a chocolatey one that we almost got last time, which

was the chocolate tuxedo cheesecake. I'm trying to find it here. It's on here somewhere, but the chocolate tuxedo one was the one that we almost got last year. And so we got that 30th anniversary. Yeah. Chocolate tuxedo cream cheesecake. Last time we got the 30th anniversary chocolate cheesecake.

Um, and I got to say this, the chocolate tuxedo cream shake, uh, the chocolate tuxedo cream cheesecake, which is layers of fudge cake, chocolate cheesecake, vanilla, mascarpone, mousse and chocolate. It wasn't as good as last week. Is that, as that, uh, as that 30th anniversary cheesecake, it has like a little bit of like, kind of like a milk chocolatey last week's like taste a little bit more like dark chocolate rich and fudgy. And this one tastes a little bit more like Hershey's kind of like, like, uh,

uh, milk chocolatey and it just didn't work as well for either. We both agree that it was not as good. The tuxedo cheesecake, uh, it was, it was still tasty was part of your, do you think at some sub conscious level, part of why you pick the tuxedo cheesecake is because of your forbidden desire to eat your tuxedo cats. I also want to make it clear that I flew first class with them because it was the pandemic and no one could sit next to you. And I thought that like first class, like, maybe there won't be a lot of people

up there. First class, there was like 10 people on the plane and eight of them were in first class. Cause I think everybody thinks you'll have more room. Yeah. Were you allowed to bring two cats with you? I brought two cats. It's a little bit complicated.

We actually ended this out of an episode because I hadn't gone yet and I'm going to do the same thing again, but, uh, I pretended that Wally was Irma and that Irma was Wally's baby. It was a very complicated thing where like one cat and it's kitten can go. I see. And, and, and, and so I just kind of, uh, I kind of, I kind of, I kind of, if not, you need like another person to take the cat. So it's a complicated thing.

I know I've thought about that. I have two cats. Yeah. And, uh, I, look, it worked out great. And maybe we'll have to edit this again still. So that I, uh, edited out, I think you just have to hatch a new scheme. You just have to figure out a different way to get them on board. Yeah.

You think that you think I should put Wally and Irma like, uh, like wear a big, like ask Pharrell to borrow his hat and put Wally and Irma under the hat. Yeah. Yeah, you should. Yeah, you should. Uh, but it was the, they were good. They were good. They were good kittens on the, on the flight.

The scariest part is that was taking them out when I went to the airport. I had, you have to, you have to go and put a leash on them, put a leash on them. I put, so I have, I have leashes on them and they have vests, but both of them have gotten out of, like I've used it in the, around the house just to test it. And both of them have like managed to escape just by going crazy. No, no, no, it's scary. It's, I've flown with a cat. I had to fly with my cat to Atlanta.

It was scary. It's, it's, it's fucking terrifying. So then I asked to like be taken to a room, but they get taken out of there. You know, they get taken out of the thing so they can, so TSA can put the Make sure there's no like a heroin up there. Your cat's asshole. Wally was very chilled out cause I had stuffed drugs up his asshole. I would never use Wally and Irma as mules, wigs.

They are, they're good cats, but it was, it was a terrifying flight. They're here safe with me now. They didn't get to try the cheesecake, but if they did, I think they would agree with me that that chocolate, that chocolate cheesecake, the tuxedo cheesecake, which is not as good as the 30th anniversary one. Then we got to talk about this lemon raspberry cheesecake. And I, so the lemon raspberry cream cheesecake, I'm not like, I got it because it looked good and I like raspberry and it looked nice.

Right. I'm not the biggest like, like lemon flavored dessert or like, um, I've told you this before, why is like, I don't love like lemon chicken. Like I don't like lemon in my entrees that much. I like lemon. Don't get me wrong. I love lemonade. I like lemon on the right stuff.

I have no issue with lemon, but this lemon raspberry cheesecake was lemon out and my mom even agreed and my mom's a lemon fan, but the lemon taste was just really strong, still like not bad, still good. You know what I mean? But my mom said this and this is a great point for the amount of calories it is, which is like, you know, 1200 calories. 17,000. Yeah.

It's insane. Was that, was that, was that, was that, was that the Reese's one was 17,000? It was, I'm sure it was like 58,000. 17,000. Oh, Jesus. 17,000. I thought 1700 in my head, but I mean, it's, it's, it's 1700 is not that crazy for some of these cheesecakes.

I feel like they're close. The portions are huge, which is great. But like, yeah, but yeah, there's, there's not a light meal. It's over half year, like half year days calories in this, in this slice of cheesecake. And it's hard to stop eating them. Yes. Oh, so hard. And, and, and my mom said this.

She was like, if I had got, if I got either of these, I would be disappointed for like the calories I just ate for what they are. And I kind of agreed with her there and they're not bad. Don't get me wrong. They're not bad. And I've, and I have other cheesecakes to go off of there and I know that they're good, but I maybe just got two that are, that were not as superior as other ones, which is, which is, you know, my mistake.

But, um, yeah, it was, it was, it was a little, it was, it was a little bit disappointing, still, still tasty. I mean, like that tuxedo one, I could, I could still take down that whole slice and be happy, but, but not, it wasn't like last week, that's all I'll say, which, which, which is tough because Ben and Jerry's had, had an egg game. So, I mean, can you, can, as for your rules, can you have last week's dessert be part of your flavor palette? We can take that to account for sure.

Because it was cheesecake factory. I mean, it's the same restaurant. Yeah. It's, I mean, it's, it's, it's closest can be. Okay. True. I mean, it's, you know, it's, it's a series. It's a playoff series, but also it's like, you know, you're, you're, you're

also taking them one game at a time. And I, so I kind of think, I don't know, just that meal, just that meal. Yeah. But I think it's, I think, again, it's up to each individual, but Mitch, we should do this in the interest of time. We've got these five categories to go through. Then we're going to pick which bite we're going to give to the set of bites. I think we just do them one category at a time.

And we each say what our scores are for each chain. Does that work for you? Yes. So here's what we're going to do. We're going to toll up our scores and we are going to decide which of these bites is going to the center bites right after this break. We'll be back with more dough boys. Welcome back to dough boys.

We are here with Art and Marine as we continue much madness 2021. The Tournament of Chompion's Pine Noon sponsored by Manscaped. Let's get to our ratings. Mitch, the categories that I remember, taste, travel, tummy, and the one that got away, there was one more tea. What's the final tea? Taste, travel, tummy. Oh, tantalizing, isn't it?

I think that's the same as the one that got away. Yeah. Wait, there was five, right? Was it just the four? Taste, travel, tummy. Tummy, the one that got away. The one that got away. And, team, that tastes good.

I guess it is just four. Yeah. I guess it was just four. That was five. Taste, travel, tummy, one that got away. I guess it is. I guess it is just that. Okay.

We'll do these categories one at a time and we'll each say our thoughts. First up, taste. I give Ben and Jerry's nine and Cheesecake Factory also nine cookie pusses, Mitch. Wow. So, you just gave them both of them? Yeah. Okay.

I'm going to go, like I said, for taste, ten for Ben and Jerry's. That's what I said last time. It was a ten. Wow. And then, I mean, this time, I'll tell you this time for Cheesecake Factory, it was a seven, but I know that overall that like Cheesecake Factory, for me, it's usually like a nine or a 10. It's usually really good.

But I mean, hey, I'm going by this time. It doesn't mean that, this doesn't mean that Cheesecake Factory is going to lose. But I'll go with, I'll give it a 7.5 for taste this time. Arden, your taste scores for Ben and Jerry's and Cheesecake Factory. Thank you so much for asking. For taste, I'm going to, I was surprised because I thought there was going to be, I thought that Cheesecake Factory was, my girl, Cheesecake Factory was going to win. Ben and Jerry's pulled out for me and by, I mean, and that's a good thing.

Ben and Jerry's was a ten for me. It was a ten. Wow. Wow. I loved it. And I'm going to say, I'm going to say, and I can't believe it. And I probably should have gone more of a vanilla flavor. The peanut butter was great.

It was so much. And I'm not a person who, I am an excessive person. I'm going to give Cheesecake Factory my boo. I'm giving my boo an eight. Wow. I mean, still, it's still very good. And look, we have other experiences with Cheesecake Factory. Yeah.

But tell me trouble for me, like I said before, it's about a four for Ben and Jerry's. It's not, it's not great. Cheesecake Factory is better. I'd say that Cheesecake Factory is like a six or a seven. I'm going to give it a seven, just in that I, in that Cheesecake Factory doesn't usually upset me. It's very sweet. I could see, I could see it upsetting people's stomach, but Ben and Jerry's just, you know, the nature of it, just very creamy, very milky.

For me, that's hurt my tummy more. So, so Cheesecake Factory beats out Ben and Jerry's in this category for me wigs. Tummy ratings. I mean, Ben and Jerry, I just had so much dairy. Yeah. And maybe if I'd gotten non-dairy flavors, but I honestly, Ben and Jerry's like a one. That like destroyed me. And then Cheesecake Factory.

Yeah, you're probably right. It's closer to a three or two. Yeah. Cheesecake Factory, I'll give it two. They were, they were both, I mean, they're both twos, we want to be honest. But it was, those are both pretty gnarly on my stomach. You get, you know what you're getting in for. Arden, what do you think?

As the daughter of the Cookie Hammer inventor, I've got a stomach belt of steel. I give a 10 to Ben and Jerry's, not a problem in the least for me. Not really. He knew there was Cheesecake Factory. I would say Cheesecake Factory made my pulse race a little more like it. I was aware of the sugar. I was aware of like almost like a panic. Like I felt like my heart rate going.

So I'm going to give it like, like the night sweats factor, no stomach problem, but body reaction, I'll give it an eight. Wow. Wow. All right. Next category, travel. And for me, this is pretty straightforward. I mean, I think this is where Ben and Jerry's loses some, some ground

at Cheesecake Factory. That said, I, I ate that close to on the spot. I, my, my travel consisted of five minutes of walking on a not too hot day. It did get a little melty and drippy on my hand though. I'm going to say Ben and Jerry's gets a three for travel and Cheesecake Factory. They do a good job. I'm going to give it an, I'm going to give it an eight. Just by virtue of it toppling a little bit and getting a little bit mushy and

transit, but I think, I think they do, they pack it to go. Well, Mitch, what do you think? All these kids seeing fucking sticky hands, man, on the bench. On the good ship. Little girl, you think you're better than me? Get over here. Better than me? Show me that tip of the leaf.

Oh, you think it's all too good for me? Okay, okay. It must be nice. It must be real. I'm just saying, just saying. Oh God, what a fucking nightmare. Uh, I'm glad that I'm on the opposite coast from that. I will say for travel, I agree.

Well, I, I'll go and eight with Cheesecake Factory. And it's just for the tumble factor. I mentioned this last week is that they give you these thin bags. So if you get two slices of cheesecake, like eight, it is hard. Your cat loved it. Your cat loved it. My cats love it. I mean, honestly, you know what, that's true.

I'm going to give it eight and a half. You did, it did just a little half a point. If it, if it can tumble, it can tumble over in the cars. My only issue is, is that the bags are very thin and you can't put two slices of cheesecake next to each other. They have to be on top of each other and that causes tumbling. Yes. And Ben and Jerry's the travel.

Look, I got to, I got to take in last time too. And then even this time there was just no lid to it. It was just a, my reckless driving, which saved the Sunday. So I'm going to say that Ben and Jerry's, yeah, and wise, I'm going to Handholding Club with you. Three cookie pusses for this one. It is, um, it's, it's a, the travel, it does not travel great. It's almost made like you're supposed to eat it outside of the store.

That's what it feels like. Yes. Yes. Right outside, right out to the bite. Okay. So I'm going to, this is for, if I'm trying to get laid and I'm sending this to somebody to send a bite, if I want to get laid by Pinhead and explain to him. No, you do, you do not, you do not for Pinhead, pleasure is pain.

Okay. If I want to get laid by a human, but then Pinhead, I'm trying to convert to Catholicism, I'm going to, I'm going to send him the cheesecake factory. Now I only ordered one and it was sent to me by a gorgeous, a gorgeous door dash driver with an angry passenger. I'm going to give it a 10. I mean, my cat left their containers. It, it didn't topple over for me.

It was so beautiful. That was a 10. I couldn't believe that you could deliver a slice of cake so beautifully from Glendale, excuse me. Um, and then the sad little delivery from Ben and Jerry's. So, so 10 cookie puss, the sad little delivery from Ben and Jerry's. I will say they did figure out when it first arrived, it felt almost like a go fuck yourself lady.

You know what I mean? Like it felt like you're never going to get laid. It was like, it felt, it was, it was nothing looked like a Sunday. It was a sad little brownie and a little cup. It was a sad little, so I'm going to say is like travel, like it wasn't soaked or anything, but it was so like the presentations, like they didn't even care. I'm going to also give it a three cookie puss because it was still delicious. It didn't wreck it.

Wow. This is, this is, this is, this is big. One category left, the one that got away. Now in your mind, we're also giving this a score or are we just picking one that we were still thinking about later? I think we should pick one. I like that, Nick, the one that got away, the one we were still thinking away. Um, which for me in my life has been pretty much all of them.

They've all gotten away, but here I'm going to go. The Ben and Jerry's is the one I just kept thinking about. That's the one that got away for me. It, it, it, it was, it was, it was, I was, I was thinking about it the next day and I was thinking, and like my mom and I were both like, fuck, that's so, so good. Like it was just, like when you have something so good that you're just saying, man, that's good. Yeah.

And you're just, you're just saying out loud just how good it is. You know, that's a good dessert. Ben and Jerry's wins that one for me. And you know, if I had different cheesecakes, it might have been different. Maybe I'm showing my cards here, but I'm with Mitch in that the next day, I was like, man, Ben and Jerry's is fucking good. And we were like texting like, man, that Ben and Jerry's was so good. And she's not the cheesecake factory is bad.

Cheesecake factory delivered exactly what I want. Cheesecake factory was tremendous. But when I was thinking about, and when I like, I guess gained more respect and appreciation for through this process is, is the high quality cream work of our friends, Ben and Jerry. You just hit cream. And he's flashing just cream all over the, what's going on with you today, Wigs?

Your kids got to try this cream. Hey, you kids have a cream. You have a cream. Your jeans. Oh man, this creamery. Okay, great. Arden, what do you think? What was the one that got away?

In my mind, the first one I have is cheesecake. I also want you to know, I dressed up for this. I put a bow in my hair, I put a bow in my hair. This is like my formula. It's like the Oscars of flavors. Tournament of champions. I thought, I thought nothing was going to beat the cheesecake factory. It was so good.

And then, and then that sad little dessert arrived from Ben and Jerry's. I was like, poor Ben and Jerry's, they're a loser already. And then I ate it. And then the next day I'm like, God damn, I'm going to go with my new, my new pandemic best friends. Ben and Jerry's. Just the simplicity of the Oreo cookie ice cream soaked into that brownie with the fudge and the whipped cream and the cream.

It's so the creaminess of that ice cream. I can't believe it beat the, for me, the behemoth, behemoth, how do you say that? Behemoth, behemoth, behemoth, of like, to me, you're not going to beat the cheesecake factory. And in my mind, the one that got away, they did. I think little Ben and Jerry, I think they, they took it for me as far as the one that got away. And I thought they were never going to win by my brain, like the one that got away.

That's the one, that's the one we were all fantasizing about. That's the one we were thinking about. That's the one that lingered in our minds. But is it our winner? It's time, Mitch, for us to decide which bite we are going to give to the set of bites to convert them to, to convert them to Catholicism. It's a mouthful. Yeah.

Which mouthful are we, are we picking though? Speaking of mouthfuls. Wags, which we're going to open up the lament configuration from Tellraiser. That's the puzzle box. I probably, that's what it's called. I probably wouldn't be able to figure it out. So we'd probably be safe and we're going to feed this to Pinhead and all the pins are going to fall out of his head.

He's going to be a handsome. He's going to look like John Hamm. Yeah. We're all going to get laid like a, like Hattie Shack. Who, which one of these desserts? Painting of John Hamm. Wow. Wow.

We're going to feed it. This is going to be Pinhead. Future Pinhead. That's incredible. That's Pinhead after he tastes one of these two desserts. Great. Is that, is that, did you, did you paint that? No, uh, this a teenager I knew.

I also sound like a child molester. I commissioned a young teen to paint a John Hamm. No, I had to host like an art benefit and I pretended that I had taken up painting. And so I knew that my friend's child was talented and we thought it'd be funny if I painted a portrait of John Hamm. It's amazing. Got a big heart around him. Yeah.

And glitter. It's almost like a fun FETI or it's almost like your celebration, celebration cheesecake of a painting. It is. Okay. We're celebrating his Hamm's fabulous hog. Dude, his hog, his hog in those photos of those linen pants, he knows what he's packing and he chose not to put on, he chose not to wear a brief.

He was like, I want, you need to look at it. That was a choice. He was like, there was, I remember there was a headline that was said like John's Hamm's dick takes him out for a walk. Wags, Wags has the painting you have, but just a ham's hog. Just in those linen, you can see, see all of it. So Wags, which, which of these is going to turn a pinhead into John Hamm, butter ball into butter cup or the very creatively named female hellraiser?

Or a female Cenobite into just a regular female, I guess. They're really, that's her name. That's her name. It's just she's labeled female Cenobite. That's a, that's times up Cenobite. Wow. Just no effort. Times up Cenobites.

Just call her like Pam. That's the, the writer's room wanted to go home. That's what happened. How about Pam? Like a female Cenobite. It's fine. He on my female. Okay.

Yes. Which, what's going to, what's going to consider, what is this? It's going to, not only is it going to convert them to Christianity, but then they're going to immediately break us in and, and we're going to get laid. We're all going to get laid. Yes. Yes. Wonderful.

Which dessert? We'll, we'll count down from three to one and then say simultaneously what our winner is. Here we go. Three, two, one. Ben and Jerry. Ben and Jerry's. Wow.

Wow. Wow. It's unanimous. I am shocked. I thought I was going to be alone on that one. No, I am shocked. I will say it was close for me, but I, but ultimately I was like, I think I know what, I think I know what I, what I pick was, what pick was.

I think I know what the winner is. I can't, people give me shit. They say I want my favorite to win, but I have always gone by what I think tastes the best and what is in, in, look. She's my favorite. She's my favorite. I adore it. I can't believe it's, I can't believe it's bounced.

I wanted to eat more of it. I, Cheesecake Factory is my number one chain. I love it. And like as far as national chains, I, I assumed it was going to win. I can't believe it didn't. That's how good Ben and Jerry's was. Yeah. Cause I was biased.

I was biased as well. I was biased as well. But you know what? Ben and Jerry's pulled it out. A strong showing from Cheesecake Factory. We'll see if it can bite its way back into the competition. In fact, in fact, Chance Kitchen, I'm talking towards the end of this episode. You guys have really created the perfect world.

Can I just say you figured out life. You have figured out life is perfect. You've really done it. You got me connected to D'Angelo's and Papa Gino. You mean, I can retire now. I've really fulfilled my promise. Papa Gino is D'Angelo's. You know where to find me.

If you want more from me, I'm a fan. I love it. Hey, it's time for a new segment. It's a roundup of this week's Hot Dog News in the first ever edition of Let Me Be Frank. Now, Mitch, I'm going to let you steer the ship because this is your brainchild. This is something you feel very strongly about. You insisted we do this Let Me Be Frank segment, which I think is a good idea. But please explain it for everyone.

Okay. So first of all, I wrote a whole intro for you and you didn't say it. There was also a song. You wrote an intro for me? I did. I sent it to the Doughboys. I thought it was brainstorming. I mean, it was brainstorming, but I sent the whole.

I said the whole thing. You wanted me to say that verbatim? Yeah. Hold on. I'll get my phone. Hold on. I'll read it now. I'll find it.

I'll read it. I'll read it. I'll read it. Okay. I'm just scrolling back in this text chain, which is always one million texts per day. Yeah, we talk too much. Yeah. How could I possibly have missed this?

As you know, I'm Nick Weiger, but you may not know my full name is Nicholas Frank Weiger. And sometimes I like to go by Frank. And that's just what I'm going to do in this week's segment, which I call Let Me Be Frank. That's the whole point. Your middle name is Frank. All right. He put in a lot of effort. I have to say.

Yeah. There's a justification for that. He's vulnerable right now. All right. I'll go on. Mitch, explain. You're the genius that came up with this bit. Yes.

Thanks, Nick. Let's Be Frank is a segment where we discuss everything that's going on in the news regarding hut dogs. And then there's a couple of options for theme songs. And then there was a few options for theme songs. There was an original song, but then I chose Frankie and Johnny by Sam Cook, which is a good song. Okay. So what this is, Wags, is that we're going to Google hut dogs.

And we're going to discuss this week's news about hut dogs. Yeah, the segment in your mind is we not prepped in advance, literally Google hut dogs and then click on the news. And guess what? Immediately, I'm going to tell you the first thing hot off the press is two hours ago, Wags, Portillo's hut dogs to open Glendale location at the end of April. Wow. The first news story.

Breaking shoes. How about that? Breaking shoes. Wags, how do you feel about that? Portillo's Chicago favorite is coming to Glendale in April. The first bit of news posted two hours ago. I can't make this up. The closest location in the LA area, I think prior to that, it was down in Orange County,

right near Disneyland. So that'll definitely be a more, more proxable Portillo's. I think that's a, that's a good thing. And hey, speaking of desserts, they got some, some wild shakes there. They do. They had the chocolate cake shake, which would, which would maybe make some noise in this tournament right now. So that's, I put it in a vanilla, I put it in a vanilla base.

If I could, not a chocolate. Ooh, I like that. Arden, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever visited Portillo's when you, when in Chicago, in your Chicago days, when you were in Chicago, right? You visited Chicago. I lived in Chicago and I was too busy, I was too busy just eating like a fucking maniac at Wanteetown burritos. I was so busy eating so many giant burritos that I didn't fit in my pants.

And as I, Chicago didn't care. They loved me anyway. They're like, we don't care. Put on a parka and you're cute as you are, even if filled with burritos. They don't care. They accept you in Chicago. That's what I, I should have spent some time in Chicago. It's the best.

It's a great city. And then the summer, the summer taste of Chicago. It's just like bad. Everybody's just eating backyard k-bosses. It's the best, the best. I'm sure it's a delicious hot dog because they know their way around like a linked meat, which brings us to, which brings us, that's when he's, do you screen that at the children that you know your way around?

By the way, Frank, you go by Frank in the segment, right? Why? I go by Frank. That was the whole point is that your middle name is Frank. Frank. You're now, you're now just playing dumb. You're trying to sabotage this whole, the genesis of this was, was me, my middle name being Frank.

And so I am going to let me, that is true. Uh, let me be Frank is me being Frank about hot dogs, but also acknowledging my middle name. I get, I get what you're, I just, I'd forgotten that that was the reason we're doing this. Nothing's more fun for him. You forgot! He really feels, I can tell that Mitch feels like he gave you a present that

you are, that he built you a present, like a friendship tribute. And I, I should, I should send you the text of when I first pitched this. Weig's goes, that's great. That's exactly what he said. Yeah, I like it. I like the roundup of hot dog news. Well, here's the deals that there's a lot more hot dog news than you think. For instance, just two hours ago still, Dr. Fauci is looking forward to having

a beer and a hot dog and a baseball game when the pandemic is over. Weig's Arden, where does that rank on your list as far as, uh, as far as what you're going to do once the pandemic is over? Are you, are you excited to go back and get a hot dog and a beer and a baseball game? That sounds fun. Yeah. I'm excited to quite honestly do anything.

That, that would be 10, 10 cookie posts for me. I'm a happily do that. I love to boo in public. I love to eat a snack. That sounds really fun. That would be high on my list. Sure. Why, Frank, how about you?

Are you, are you, you haven't been, when's the last time you went to a Dodgers game? Uh, I haven't been to a Dodgers game in a couple of seasons. I'm, uh, you know, I'm a big, I really only follow the NBA, but I love going to baseball games and the Dodger crowds are great. Uh, so yeah, I think I will spend some time outside chewing a hot dog. Why not? I mean, I'm going to eat and meet this year, but there's definitely other.

I can get myself a soft pretzel. You get a bag of peanuts. There you go. That's a lot of fun. Yeah. It's a lot of fun. And if Fauci's there, I'm going to scream at him. If you get to have a hot dog with Fauci at a game, that'd be exciting.

Your curtain is very exciting, Frank, behind you. You have an exciting curtain. Thank you so much. That's a, uh, Natalie picked that out. She has a wonderful taste in, in home decor. And, uh, I'd like, yeah, I get a lot of compliments on these curtains. It's a good curtain. Glad they accept them.

So why is your gonna, you're going to be like, I'm having a hot dog with a liar when you eat with Fauci. Yeah. That's what I'm going to, I'm going to say. That sounds right. That sounds on brand. Yeah. Wigs, a Korean hot dog chain, Frank, Frank, a Korean hot dog chain plans its

first KC area location. This is Kansas city. Now a Korean hot dog, I wonder what that would entail because we of course have had Korean pizza, which is kind of out of control. Uh, we've also had Korean fried chicken, which is an amazing take on an American classic. So if Korean hot dogs or anything like Korean fried chicken, I'm fully on board.

I feel like I filmed something in Vancouver and outside of the hotel, there was, uh, at the Sutton, I believe there was like a stand that had Korean hot dogs and there was always a really long line. And it's all about the exciting toppings. Interesting. There, there is a, I know in Vancouver, we reviewed it when we were up there in Vancouver, uh, boy, years ago, Mitch, there's the Japanese hot dog chain.

Yeah. Um, Japa dog, which sounds like something you shouldn't say aloud, but that's what the name of the chain is. We can hear you, Frank. Frank is 85 years old, you guys. He's a World War II veteran. You know, Frank slips in and out of, in and out of some stuff. That's maybe not politically correct.

He's very old. So Japa dog had some stuff that, that, uh, slipped out of my mouth a little too easy. Uh, had some stuff that was. You had right back to it. I was like, can I tearing it again? I'm going to say this. I think that ketchup and mustard on a dog is great.

And also I do ketchup, mustard and some relish. How about some onions? A little chopped up onion. I'll do some onions, but then I don't like to go like too, too crazy. I mean, like, I of course have had like the barbecue, like barbecue sauce and stuff on hot dogs, but I'm not going, I don't like to go nuts. And there were some options at Japa dog that were just, they were too much. The kimchi dogs and stuff like that.

They're good, but they're just, they're, they're a lot wigs. Yeah. I mean, so I, I think it's just some of the components are maybe, you know, it's, it's a, your pallet just isn't necessarily used to having it in a, in hot dog form, uh, top of tube to meet, but it, but I did, I did overall like that place. I did like, I think I thought it was hit or miss, but I thought some of their hits were pretty, were pretty good. Um, I was just thinking about the experience of, of having a hot dog at a

ball game and then Arden mentioned the onions, like that fucking thing. You rotate the little, the crude machine. You rotate the dispense onions. Man, that's just, it completely can't have that now, but I'm looking forward to doing that. You got more excited to hang out with the fouch. That seems like a, that seems like a little Senate bike creation. Doesn't that the, the hot dog, the onion roller, the onion roller is, uh, I, I

miss the onion roller wigs. Right. That onion roller. It's just very, it's very sloppy. It feels like it feels like I want a hot dog. I want an onion rolled hot dog. Yeah. Yeah.

Me too. There's, there's, there's a couple more. There's a couple more, let's get, let's get one more. Let's get one more hot dog headline, Mitch. All right. Well, Pinks is reopening. We don't really have to touch on that. I know you, you think that Pinks is kind of gets the, the award for LA of that

sort of thing of, Oh, this is what LA is known for, but you don't think it's deserved. Is that right? Wigs? I feel like we were on the same page there. Again, it's Frank. But I think we're kind of on the same page. We, we reviewed Pinks hot dogs with our, our friend, Atlanta, Johnston, and we

all were like, this is like a two fork experience. I know I don't think we, I don't think any of us, I think they're, I think the, the issue with Pinks, I'm curious about Arden's perspective is that the, it's just low quality meat, right? I don't like their hot dogs all that much. I don't think I've ever had it. I don't think I need to bother. Yeah.

I mean, I love a New York hot dog. I love us. I love a hot dog, a street corner hot dog. You know, I think I just didn't ever want to wait in that, anything that, anything that is that much of a thing that you got to wait that long. I'm just like, it's not going to be, unless it's like one two ton breed. I want, I'm not one two ton yes, but also out here. Guisados, tacos, like always, oh my God, that should, that's, that's, that

should be like how New York has like, Oh, we have like pizza or hot dogs or bagels or whatever they, they claim so many things. For, for Los Angeles is like, Guisados seems like that kind of like, Hey, this is like the city, this is the food of the city, which, which you, you have to come to my birthday party every year I throw a birthday holiday. I throw one party a year and I get like, I, it's Guisados and it's, and it's, and I have a DJ and it's, I throw one good party a year and it's very fun. And there's so much, so many Guisados tacos and their quesadillas that are

like little tacos with that, that chunk of cheese. Yeah. So I, I'm very in, Weiger will not show up, of course, but I like that for him. I don't blame him. Of course he's never going to come. That's fine. That's fine. Frank will be there.

Frank is not going to show up. Frank, Frank is going to be there. Fauci will be there, but Frank will not be there. Maybe, maybe, maybe Frank, maybe Frank does show up actually. Why, why are we not be there? Frank will be there. Frank will be there hard, partying hard. Yeah.

By the way, I, let me be Frank. This is, this is my immediate observation when you pitched this segment. Let me be Frank was the name of Kevin Spacey's attempted comeback video that he did in character as Frank from House of Cards, which is also funny. Is that real? Are you serious? Which is also funny that you're doing it too. That's another part of it.

Wait a minute. Frank. No, he did not. He did it. That guy, that guy always, I mean, I loved House of Cards, but, and like, he, he was a great actor, but like, there was a little Foghorn like, well, Mr. What on a wood? Like there was something like there's Foghorn Leghorn.

So if you're going to apologize as Foghorn Leghorn, like disguised as Frank for being kind of a creep, but super creep, like, wow. Yes. Yeah. Get, don't do that in character. We're bizarre move. By the way, last known whereabouts on that bench with wigs. All right.

All right. Well, I see. We'll wrap it up. A Crave, hot dogs and barbecue opens in Fluggerville. I thought that was a funny sounding town name, but I'm going to go with this one instead outdoors in Maine, hot dog heaven on a frozen pond. This is two days ago. There is nothing, there is nothing to match a hot dog smothered in burn onions

served on a late March day while out ice fishing. This is a, this is a outdoor columnist for the Sun Journal. My late father, desperate for work during the Great Depression, toiled in a hot dog factory who would never eat a hot dog. You wouldn't either, he said, if you knew what they were made of. So this is just an article dedicated to his, to his old, his, his father, who has passed away now, it seems. But they say that you can't beat a hot dog with burnt onions while out ice fishing.

Why? So have you ever been ice fishing? No, I can't, I just can't imagine. That seems so stressful. Standing like being on a frozen pond. I'd just be afraid of falling through the ice all the whole time. Well, you know what? I'm going to reassure you a little bit.

I have walked on a frozen pond and Emma, Emma's laughing at you because people drive trucks on them. Yeah, they can drive trucks. They drive trucks. I've driven a truck on one. Wow. Yeah, you'll be all right. You would know it.

You test it before you go out. You like drill a hole. Someone goes out on their feet and you drill a hole into the, into the ice to see how thick it is. And then, you know, if it's okay. It's hard to drop a hot dog down. Yes, exactly. You used to take a hot dog through the ice and you can fucking

fit your jumping out of the hole. Um, why I'm going to say this now that I think about it, your tank ass will probably fucking fall right through that ice. All right. Uh, Nick, do you have any, do you have any cold weather food? Hot dog doesn't come to my mind as cold weather food right away, but I like the sound of that. A hot hot hot dog with a good cooking outside food.

It is a great cooking outside of food. Any of that come to mind? Frank? Uh, you know, cold weather, I, I mean, I let, you know, I like a hot beverage. I know that's a probably a pretty obvious answer. Soup, obviously also an obvious answer. I will say here, here's one I'll go that, that's maybe a little bit of a different direction.

I don't ski, but I like being in a ski lodge. Oh yeah. And I'm in a ski lodge. Yep. It's cold outside. I like a Bloody Mary. Great. I associate that with cold weather.

Wow, I like it. Ski, ski lodge, hot cocoa with that, that machine is so good. And then I used to at a ski lodge enjoy getting gummy bears, putting them in a cup, putting a hot water, like tea and getting a spoon and like the boil, you like put gummy bears on your spoon into the tea water on a ski day. And then you like chew it. Oh my God. I highly recommend.

Yeah. I fucking love that. It's so fun. I mean, I suppose you could do that in real life too, but it's something fun about a ski day doing that. This is Wags or Frank. I will now call you Wags because this concludes the first and final. Let me be Frank a bit, a bit, a bit that, a bit that was so, so much of it kind

of relied on you just doing the intro in the funny way. And, uh, and we didn't do it. We, we, we, there was a, there was a communication breakdown and it's over. I thought you were going to introduce, you said just toss it to me and I'll take care of it. That was the context I got going in. Look, we fucked up. Maybe I fucked up more, but you also fucked up.

It's over. I also said, who's going to prep this segment? And you just said, we'll just Google it on the show. Like you were, you've really, you've really worked in advance. That part worked. It was you doing the funny intro, you piece of shit. It sounds like Mitch thinks he gave you a beautiful bouquet and you reject it. Like a beautiful gift.

And that is exactly what happened to the ground. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know, people love your songs. They would have loved if you did a big intro for let me be Frank and you went by Frank, but you know what, you didn't want to play ball. You know, I just didn't understand what was happening. You just didn't want to get on the same page and it's not that they

didn't want to play ball. I just didn't get it. Fuck you segment over. Just like a restaurant value feedback. Let's open to the feedback and hey, we have a voicemail today. Let's go ahead and listen to this one. You can write a fucking lettuce song for our mailbags usually, but you can't do a simple intro for let me be Frank.

Hi, Doughboys. This is Channing calling from Brooklyn. When I was a kid, I thought Kohl's Law was actually called Kohl's Law. Are there any names for food that you learned later in life? You've been saying totally wrong. Thanks for all the laughs. Hmm, that ending sounded sarcastic. Yeah, that did sound sarcastic.

Thanks for all the laughs, buddy guys. What was what was this person's name? I missed the Channing from Brooklyn asking. Thought Kohl's Law was Kohl's Law with a D. Foods you've been saying wrong. I will say this is one that people have given me a guff about in our mentions. When I will say instead of chips ahoy, I will say a chip ahoy. But I think I just always thought of it as chip ahoy or chip ahoy's.

But I guess it's chips ahoy. It's like attorney's general. Chips ahoy makes sense. Like like chips ahoy, right? Uh huh. Oh, it's a ship's thing. Oh, I didn't know that. I didn't know that either.

Is I mean, isn't that what it is? Am I wrong? Probably. I mean, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Well, for me, I got yelled at about this, but the difference between Scallop and Scallop. My mom was telling me that I that I that I was pronouncing Scallop the wrong way since I got back. How are you supposed to say it?

Scallop is how my mom in Scallop is how my mom in Massachusetts people say, Emma, we you nodded along to this, right? You how do you I say Scallops, but some people say Scallops. Scallops and I say Scallop. I say Scallops. My mom was mad when I was saying Scallops. My mom was mad and she thought that I had gone West Coast. Hmm.

I like it. Have a Rhode Island accent for a certain word that I cannot say. I know you're supposed to say. Orange. I say orange juice, orange, but it's not. I like that. Orange, orange. I don't know how to say it, but I know it's not how I say it.

How do you say it? Orange, orange, orange, orange. I think I think I kind of one syllable it. I say I want to see what the orange juice or you got the pineapple juice. All right, I like that. I got to say something, by the way, I just I just looked this up. Mm hmm. Just to add some more drama to all this.

It's ship ahoy, not chips ahoy. Oh, OK. So the expression is ship ahoy is ship ahoy, it seems like Frank Frank should be right. Yeah. So Frank. It seems that old Frank might have been correct when it came to the ship ahoy. Mr. Well, well, well, well. We have some intrigue in the palace. When I heard...

Now, Frank, let me get a spoonful of your Ben and Jerry Sunday as we sit here on this bench watching. Watching Shirley Temple shorts. Yeah, well, well, well, well, well. I was going to say, I also said, used to say, bubble juice, chop chip with milk, as you know, because that was my, uh. Right. But you weren't saying anything wrong there. That was just like a little, a funny little kid thing you were saying. I guess so, yeah.

I mean, I'm sure everyone says I say popcorn and soda and everything weird. So, I mean, like I constantly still say stuff weird. I can't think of a thing specifically when I was like a little kid, like cold slob, but I feel like I probably said cold slob too. Kids are dumb. Yeah. Yep. Fucking idiots. That's our conclusion.

That's if there's going to be one take away from this podcast. Kids are fucking dumb. If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at dopeboyspodcasts at gmail.com or leave us a voicemail at 830 go to that's 830 463 6844. And the tournament of champions continues on the Doughboys double. Catch all the snacks and by joining the golden or platinum play club at patreon.com slash Doughboys.

Arden marine. God bless you. Thank you so much for being here. What a treat. What a delight. Thank you so much. The pleasure was all mine. Thank you so much.

I'd like to plug. Um, I, I host a bachelor podcast called, will you accept this rose that's on I heart and, uh, you know, it's all your favorite comedians. It's a very, very, very silly. You don't even have to watch. We actually, there's a lot of people who don't even watch the bachelor who enjoyed the pie. Doug Benson is our rookie of the year this year.

We've had Eddie Pepitone did a year with us. We, we have all sorts of people that you guys would enjoy. Lauren Lopkus is a regular. It's, it's a blast. So, uh, and then, and then you can get my book, Little Miss, Little Compton. Learn all about the, the cookie hammer inventor and it's available worldwide. You can follow me on Instagram. It looks like my, my RIN.

M-Y-R-I-N. Thank you. Well, just be prepared for a lot of people at you about the first ever. Let me be frank, because there's going to be a lot of fan feedback. Yeah. So just be, be prepared and check out all those things. We love having you. Thank you for being here.

Thank you. What a treat. What a delight. Thank you for getting me a D'Angelo's and your fans are the best. I mean, truly, truly the nicest people were so nice on Twitter. And everything, which is not always the nicest place. So I am a huge D'Obois fan. Well, they can change by the episode.

They might be mad at us for not having cheesecake factory win. You never know. I get it. They might be livid at your orange pronunciation. I'm mad at myself for that right now. They shouldn't be. They're right. That'll do it for this episode of D'Obois on next time for Mr.

Slice, Mike Mitchell, I'm Nick Weigher. Happy eating. See ya. This year, the munch madness, the tournament of champion's pine noon finale will be streaming live Tuesday, March 23rd at 8 p.m. Eastern will select the sweetest treat in all of chain restaurants. And you can see it happen with special guest, Nicole Bayer and Betsy Siddharo. Wow.

Who will win this year's Dave Thomas cup? Get your tickets only at headgum.com slash live. Want to see the sources for this week's intro? Check the episode description. That was a headgum podcast.