Doughboys - Munch Madness: Subway vs Arby's with Jen D'Angelo (w/ Deli Boys as Pickle Correspondents)

Episode Date: March 24, 2022

Jen D’Angelo (Solar Opposites, Young Rock) joins the 'boys to talk about Key West before tackling the semi-soft finals of Munch Madness 2022: The Tournament of Chompions: Hero's Journey: Sub-Optimal. Plus, the Deli Boys weigh in as Pickle Correspondents.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Coming up today, that link that you want to click on is down there in the episode description. Right down there. Check it out. There it is. Move your cursor. Go ahead and click, or if you're on your phone, use your finger, and click that link. Click that link in the episode description. Okay, Mitch, before we get started, so the commissioner of the Dobois Tournament Chompions,

Evan Susser, told us he has an announcement. He woke us up at sea, said he wanted to meet on Saturday at 6 a.m. again, so we're both kind of... Yeah, consecutive Saturday is very early morning. Again, I'm just up, so I already got my meditation in. I did some yoga. I'm feeling good, and I don't think you've gone to bed yet, so... No, I haven't gone to bed yet.

I'm playing Elden Ring and Wallion around my lap. That's all I think about. I wonder what this could be about, why is that I don't... There's nothing else to say about the tournament, so... Man, now you got me thinking Elden Ring. I want to be the Elden Lord so bad. Jesus Christ. Fuck, man.

No chance, so that's what you're getting at. Here he is. That's the commissioner. Wow, the commissioner, Evan Susser. Guys, I got your message. I didn't want to meet with you guys. What? You didn't believe me.

What is this bullshit, Suss? Wait, hold on. Let's take a second, because the substitution was invoked by you, commissioner Evan Susser, on our most recent Patreon episode, The Doe Boyz Double, where you substituted in Capriati's, and that was added to Fat Chance Kitchen, Capriati's ended up winning in this previous episode. I'm the only commissioner. Yeah, so you said you got a message about another substitution.

You can tell everybody that I have you sung. What up, next to you sung. It's you sung music. It's deputy commissioner, you sung Lou. Yeah, I bet you didn't think that it was I who called this meeting. Wow, I guess he has this authority. Yeah. I truly thought you had no power in this at all.

I didn't think you were paying attention to Doe Boyz anymore, honestly. I thought you'd all around a bigger and better things. No, I still listen to the episodes. I like them a lot. Okay, as deputy commissioner, it is the, I have the authority vested in me to make one substitution. And wow. Damn you.

It is in my opinion that Subway has no legitimate shot at winning this. Eat fresh, refresh, more like continuous 404 error. Subway is out. I'm making a substitution. Quiz noses in. Wow. You sung. Subway's out.

Quiz noses in. You sung. Yes. Yes. Susser, did you have something to do with this? What is this shit? I had nothing to do with it. I'm furious.

Wow. Wow. You can tell. I guess you could, you could technically overrule it. Nah, I'm going to allow it. Cool. Okay. All right.

Have a good episode, guys. Wow. Thanks, Susser. Wow. You sung. Twitch.tv slash you underscore song. Yeah. Check out his Twitch stream.

You sung. You're a mad man. I can't believe that you came in and did this. Read him in the week. Yes. You were, you were out of control. You've gone mad with power, but also check out your Twitch stream. Yeah.

Just sprinkle a little chaos in here, but also hope it's really okay, hope that nobody gets mad at me. Hope that it doesn't like, you know, do too much damage to the Tournament of Chompians. You sung, we're furious. Yeah. We're livid. Okay. Because now we got to go get Quiznos.

That said, it's your, your decree has been declared. It's the final word has been spoken, subways out, Quiznos is in, this week on Doughboys, the second match of the semi-soft final round of Much Madness 2022, the Tournament of Chompians, Hero's Journey, Sub-Optimal, Arby's, Versus Quiznos, let's go. Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger, along with my co-host, Oedipus Chex, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. Oedipus Chex? All right.

Explain this one. This is from Eric from San Jose, who put in their email, guide for Mitch. The play is called Oedipus Rex, like a T-Rex. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I forgot it was Oedipus. Oedipus Rex pun. Yeah.

RoastSpoonMan at gmail.com. Chex, like I like Chex mix. Like you eat Chex. I had an alt Oedipus Chex mix, which is, you know, that's another way to go. Yeah, it's just a food pun on another attribute of yours, which is that you are going to marry your mom. I won't marry my mom. First of all, it's not legal, is it?

I'm not going to marry my mom. Yeah. Okay. You heard it here. San Jose. Up in... Chankton Country. Up in San Jose.

Yeah, that's right. Do you know the way to San Jose? You know that song likes? Eric does, I bet. I'm sure they sing it all the time up there. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure. Probably sing it when the sharks make a goal.

You know what? On the ice. That motherfucker's probably singing that shit right now. That's probably like as soon as he heard his roast on the podcast, he started blaring it in celebration. Wags. Yeah. Enough of this bullshit.

I can't find the drop. Look, I'll be honest with you. I can't find the drop. Okay. This is a fixable problem. I'll find it. Yeah. Am I a producer?

Am I a brink? We'll step in and sure she can help me with this. I don't know if one's picked out. I don't know if you're going to find it. I got one. I almost got one. I almost got one. Okay.

Here, I'll forward it to you, Mitchie. Thank you, Emma. She sold you in five seconds. Immediately. Problem was presented. Now, hold on a second. She gave you the solution. Wags, hold on a second.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Wow. Wait a minute. What? Is this, is this, is this, is what I'm seeing what I'm seeing? What are you seeing? We don't know what you're saying.

Yeah. Okay. All right. All right. All right. Yeah. Here it is. I got it.

I got it. I got it. I thought that, look, I'm going to play this drop. I'm going to cut a lot of this up because I was confused. Here we go. Okay. All right. Here we go.

Hold on. Oh, I get, I see. I get it. Emma got, Emma got, Emma got how I was confused. I got it. Okay. You can explain after we hear the drop. All right, Wags.

Here we go. A little drop. Enjoy the Dippin Dots. My mom didn't enjoy that feeling the little tiny micro balls in your mouth. Yeah. And balls in your mouth. Yeah. Yeah.

But I thought, I think it's fun. Balls in your mouth. Yeah. Yeah. Balls were falling all over the place. I was in a ball pit. Ball pit. Ball pit.

There were balls. I like that. Balls were falling out. Kids do love this. My mom is right. They should love it even more. You're the man, dude. Great talking to you, dude.

Man, dude, man, dude. Yeah. Yeah. There it is. A little Wilhelm scream at the end. A little Wilhelm scream. Wags, I thought the same thing. Yeah.

Which, you know, you see, you hear it in Star Wars. That's right. There was the drop. I think it breaks the fourth wall at this point. When you hear the Wilhelm scream in a movie, it's like, oh, well, that's the Wilhelm scream. So now I'm just thinking about the editor's choice to have a Wilhelm scream in there. Yeah. If you were the king of Hollywood, no more Wilhelm scream, you'd say.

That would be my first decree. Second decree of the king of Hollywood. No more girl remakes. And release Harvey from jail immediately. Jesus. We need a coup. Mitch, huge. I'm sorry.

Who was that drop from? You, of course, changed the Hollywood sign to Holly. Weird. There's a lot of things. Yes, of course. Place is freaking weird. Anyways. Dispute nation and slice nation.

Here's the email wags for the drop. Here we go. This is a little confusion I had up top. Hey, boys, I wanted to forward this drop from Big Cat Music Squad for the Jen D'Angelo episode. It brings back memories of your Dippin' Dots review with Alan Trong from the Tomorrow War Month. Alan was a great guy. Wow. Great guest.

Love, Alan. See you all on tour. Cheers. Robert DK Persinger. Wow. The drop king out of retirement. Hell yeah. No, no, but he forwarded the drop.

This is what, this is right? I think so. Or is he? This isn't his drop. Is DK a part of Big Cat Music Squad? I don't know. We'll have to find, we'll figure out. This is interesting.

I have no idea. This is why I said, wow, and I was excited about the drop. You're saying like, is DK back in the game? Yeah. This is like Ghostface Killa is back with the Wu-Tang Clan. Yes. It's like he had his solo project, but now he's got his crew. DK is Ghostface Killa.

And Big Cat Music Squad is the Wu-Tang Clan in this scenario. Wow. Great to hear from you on the pod. We got to introduce our guest, but a great drop. Also, I got to distance myself from being like the edipist stuff. You know, like too much mom. You know, it's hard to separate yourself at this point now, like what I've done.

Sure. People are just like, you're going to marry your mom. So now I'm like, should I separate myself from that? Or should I just go all in and marry my mom, you know? I think you might as well lean into the gimmick. Yeah. There's anything we've learned from this podcast. So when you get some heat, just fucking roll with it.

Yeah. You got it. Yeah. I might just go with the gimmick. I might just go with the gimmick. Who would be your best man if you married your mom? Hmm. That's a great question.

The best man. I think you're sister. I guess my sister would have to be the best. Yes. She would have to be the best woman if I married my mom. I want to make a joke, but I don't know if it's too mean. And also I haven't been introduced yet. Please do.

Yeah. Make the joke. And then if it's too mean, we can edit it out. Okay. Great. All right. How mean is this joke? Let's see.

Here we go, folks. I don't want to make you mad. Is it about my dead dad? Let's see if it's about. The ghost of your dad. That's pretty good. Like a Star Wars ghost, he's nodding. Yeah.

Yeah, he's nodding. He's happy. He's happy about it. I think Wally, you know, Wally's already in it pre-tuxed. Wally would be like a ring bear or something. That's what I was going to say. Yeah, ring bear is probably about all you can hope for from the cats. Yeah.

Maybe it would just be, I mean, likely it would just be attended and staffed only by cats and ghosts. A bored cat, completely the music, if you can afford him. The ceremony is in my mom's attic. Yeah. This is a very Mrs. Havisham attic. Havisham, Havisham, Havisham, Havisham. I think either is fine.

I actually don't know how to say it. I think Havisham. Dumbass. Great expectations. Yeah, great expectations. Mitch, you're dropping a great expectations ref on the podcast. Yeah, you know what? I should lower my expectations if you know in my fucking references, baby.

I didn't know you were Dickenshead. I'm a Dickenshead. Wow. Give me that Dickens. Mitch likes Charles. Yeah, give me that Dickens. I want it all. I want to read it all.

What's your favorite Dickens? You a Nickel B-man? Uh... A Christmas Carol? Okay. Sure. Very mainstream answer, but valid. Great expectations.

A Christmas Carol. Tale of Two Cities? Yes. A Dickens guide to London. I don't know the rest of it. Uh-huh. It's a good one. I don't know.

Yeah. Our guest today, a writer-actoring comedian from Solar Opposites and Young Rock. Dickens, stay out. Jen, he ends all this back. Hi, Jen. Hi. So glad to be here. Dickens, stay out.

Dickens, stay out. It's a good one. Dickens, stay out. Three men and a Dickens. You know what? I'm a Hemingway man, Wags. Oh, yeah. What's your favorite?

Hemingway. Spare pros. Uh... Heming... Uh... The sun also rises? You like the sun also rises? The old man in the sea, maybe?

Heming... Hemingway's guide to Florida. Mitch, have you ever been to the Hemingway house in Key West? I have. And there's lots of cats. Yeah, I was going to say. There's lots of six-toed, freak cats there. Six-toed cats.

Yes. Wow. The cats... The freak cats... I should move into that house. I wish I could. I went to Key West when I was like 12 or 13. Very young.

I remember there was like... At the time there was... And you know what? Wags were... I'm going there. I'm going to Key West... How exciting. For Scoop's bachelor party.

Wow, congrats to Scoop. Scoop's getting married. Finally getting hitched. Tie in the knot. Scoop's tying the knot. Is he marrying his mom? He is. He is.

And the best man? Ryan. Also... Also Mitch's dad's ghost. It's interesting that he comes back for this stuff. I would love a visit for him just for, you know... Well, you know, it's hard to be a ghost. You only come for big events.

That's true. Or when there's Ewoks around. We're going down to Key West's Wags for the bachelor party. Wow. And they met... Sean and Caroline met at Malachies, which people call the keys. They're like, let's go to the keys, you know?

And so Key West is also the keys. So that's kind of a fun little thing. But also I suggested Key West to him. I was like, you should go to Key West because that's like funny. I also tried to... I also said to us that we should go to Touring Key West. Like I was just... I want to go back to Key West.

I haven't been there. I think it's like a funny place to go. And then he was like, sure. And then it was like a huge pain in the ass to get to Key West. I found out. It's like, it's not easy to get there. It's really hard to get there. I've done Christmas in Key West the last two years.

Wow. Yeah. What's that like? Wow. It's fun. I mean, Key West is fun. It's like a... It's so weird, but it's like, you can get a bike and bike around because it's so tiny.

The beaches, in my experience, smell bad. Okay, great. I think this is actually not so much... This was like a few years ago and I've just like, can't get the memory out of my mind. There was like a massive seaweed issue. Like there's just really, really stinky seaweed was piled up on the beach. So it smelled horrible. But you'll smell bad enough on your own that it probably...

It probably won't bother you. I'll tell you, you say that the beaches stink, but the movie beaches with Batmiddler doesn't stink. No. Oh my gosh. I love beaches. I saw Manatee. I saw two Manatees in Key West when I was there this past Christmas.

That was very exciting. Two Manatees. You're about to look forward to. Yeah. You want to compare me to a Manatee now too? You have to just have the beach stunk. Yeah. And then you'll look in a mirror so you'll see one.

So you just need to see one in the wild and then you'll beat me. Oh my God. He's turning into a Manatee like Kevin Smith's Tusk. Oh boy. I think your head is too big to be a Manatee. That's like a big... The Manatees are notoriously very small. Damn it.

They really suck at that. Tusks. If you want to talk about ghosts, one of the last movies I saw with Harris, I believe, was Tusks. Wow. What a dog shit last... One of the last movies is Tusk. It's a bad movie.

Tusk. Yeah. Anyway, go to Key West. No more ghost talk. No more talk about my head is bigger than a Manatee's head. It is. Like a next level insult. I feel like all of our heads are bigger than a Manatee's head.

All right. Sure. I wonder how big is a Manatee's skull? That's a good question. There's only one way to find out. Yeah. I wonder. I want to ask about food in...

I want to ask about food in Key West. What's that like? There's a lot of conch fritters. Oh, that's fun. Conch stuff. There's, of course, Key Line Pie literally everywhere you go. Of course. Of course there would be.

You know, just like fish and stuff, tropical stuff. I got a question for you, D'Angelo. Yeah. Was Santa wearing board shorts when you were there? Because it's hot. Yeah. Yeah. Well, was he?

Yeah. You know, I didn't see Santa. Rats. Because, you know, he lurks in the shadows like Batman. Yes. Yeah. The Batman. Yeah.

He's like the Batman. Is Santa's head bigger than a manatee's or no? I feel, again, once again, I must state, I feel like everyone's head is bigger than a manatee's. I'm having a lot of trouble getting any sort of clarity on the actual head size. Me too. Like dimensionality. Small eyes, so that Mitch could pull that off. All right.

Okay, so Mitch is leaning more manatee again. That's great that you're... Yeah, I don't see any info on the dimension. Your search history is going to be manatee skull. You should have Susser do another spin-off episode that's just trying to get to the bottom of how big is a manatee skull. He's bigger than Mitch's head. It ends with Susser swimming off with the manatees and living with them forever.

I want to talk Philly cheesesteaks, because I know that's the thing we've talked about before with you, Jen, and I know it's the thing you have a take on, but as someone from Pennsylvania... Jen seemed surprised that she had a take on them. No. Well, I'm just curious, I assume you like them, and it's fine, of course, fine if you don't, but where do they go in your hierarchy of sandwiches, or are you on the camp of like, ah, they're more for tourists, I don't really eat them myself? No, I love a Philly cheesesteak.

In fact, I have a lot of grievances to air with the podcast based on Mano and Betsy's episode. Oh, boy. Oh, shit. Where they said that booze Philly cheesesteaks in Silver Lake was bad, and it's amazing. Wow. It's so good. And I said that a lot of people like it was kind of where I was stood on it, right? I was like, a lot of people like booze.

I think so, and then Mano was like, no, I think a lot of people hate it. And I could have texted Mano to have this conversation privately, but I've chosen to air it in a public forum. No, that's good. Yeah, this is better. This is the way to do it. Yeah. This is good for us. I'm calling him out.

Booze cheesesteaks is amazing. It's so good. I love a cheesesteak with whiz, and I've recently started doing whiz wit, which is with onions, which I was adverse to onions for a very long time, but now I'm okay with them. What happened? Back that up. Like with whiz is with cheese whiz, but whiz wit is cheese and onions? Yeah, basically, like, yeah.

We've had a food podcast for so long. I just, the etymology of this is fascinating. How does wit, whiz, and whiz wit, how do they have different meanings based on word order? And one incorporates onions, which are not even mentioned. Well, that's like a cheesesteak wit, like, is with onions. With. Wit is with onions. Okay.

Yeah. You're getting it with, yes. You're getting it with onions, yeah. Yeah. Okay. And then whiz is just selecting your cheese. So if you say wit whiz. So it's like whiz or provolone or American.

Right. But if you were to say wit whiz, it would be some ambiguity because they're like, is this person saying they want it with whiz and with onions, or they just, or, you know, like, are they saying wit in terms of I want with onions? Are they using wit to say that I want with whiz? So by flipping the order, then you have clarity is like, okay, there's intentionality behind both choices. Whiz, that's your cheese selection.

Wit means you want, you get onions. I think if the wit or the wit comes after, like, if that's at the end of the sentence, that applies to onions. I think it's also, yes. When you're just saying wit with, that's just like your cheese selection. Got it. That's probably confusion. If you're ordering, cause they probably think that you want piss on your sub when you say

wit whiz. This guy definitely needs some. Where did this come from? Oh my God. I thought you were saying that to me. Oh, I saved a liger. Say D'Angelo's a piss drink and freak. No, I was saying you.

Don't try to turn this on D'Angelo. First off, we don't kink shame on this podcast. I literally thought you were trying to get back at me for calling you a manatee. I mean, you know what? Yeah, I should. You know what? It was D'Angelo. They're going to think you're a fucking piss drink and freak.

It was to whiger, but you know what? It's changed now. So addicted to consuming human urine that you demand it drizzled over your cheese steak. With whiz. Yeah. Yeah. And then like a lot of people, I feel like a lot of people are like, none of the cheese steak places are good.

You got to go outside the city and like, I don't even like. He's that guy. Yeah, he's that guy. He's a Philly guy. That's a Philly fanatic. No, it's not. I love the Philly fanatic. He doesn't talk like that.

Oh, he can't talk that way? Okay. He can't talk that way. He's a good monster. He's a good person. Don't malign him. Yeah, I mean, I really like gyms. I feel like gyms never gets talked about in like the Pats and Genos of it all.

But gyms is downtown. That's in Philly. Yeah, that's in Philly. Okay, got it. But yeah, I mean, I feel like they're great, but the, in terms of where they rank in my overall sandwich rankings, this is my other sort of grievance to air with the pot. To me, they're not subs. Like they're kind of their own thing.

And that's, I think, that's not, I feel like I may be wrong in that because at least it's on like a hoagie roll. Yeah. I got in big trouble for saying that Bonbees are not subs. I got in big trouble. Yes. That really got in my head. That was why I texted you when I was ordering Arby's.

Like, are there any no-nos because they have Euros on the menu at Arby's. And I literally, I felt insane because I was like, I don't know if Euros are allowed. But I immediately like conjured a conversation that I wasn't sure if I had heard on the pod or was inventing in my mind where it was like, Euros, not welcome heroes. And then an argument over whether Euros are sandwiches or not. And I was like, I can't remember if that was an addition to all of me. Sounds bad enough to be on the pod. Yeah.

Maybe should have been on the pod. Maybe it was. I mean, here's the issue with this tournament is that we got some wild card ones. We got, we had Panera and then we also have Arby's. The non-standard region. It's a sandwich tournament. Despite the language. It was a hero.

It was a hero. It's a sandwich tournament. Sure. But I was sticking to submarine sandwiches, subs. I do include steak and cheese in the sub category. But I could see if someone really want to make a, and especially like Philly. I feel like a place like Philly is going to think that there is a separate thing. Besides a sub, but I steak and cheese sub.

Like I don't, I don't consider French dip a sub. This is why we don't need to get caught up in the taxonomy of it. We can just say it's a sandwich tournament. I said that Lee should be in the tournament and you didn't put it in for whatever reason. I don't think there are enough leads locations, but I could look into it. Maybe it'll get in. Hey, maybe we'll have a substitution invoked as we did on this episode. That's right.

A substitution. A first round buy to Quiznos. A first round buy to Quiznos. Yeah. You're very proud of that. The, so the substitution has. I got to say something about this. I like, I like the sound of gyms because you can be like, Hey, I'm going to hit the gym.

You know, you could like make it sound like you're going to go work out secretly. You're going to get a steak and cheese. You know, you can be a little sly with it. You know, Mitch, you can lie to your friends whenever you want. It doesn't need to be a pun. You can just lie. It's truly, yeah. It's truly just hurting yourself.

I guess this scenario where you are telling people you're going to go to the gym and you're going to get a steak and cheese. I guess that doesn't really help anyone. They wouldn't care. They wouldn't care if you're going to get a steak and cheese. Well, I thought you were going to me say more, but like a, like a playful thing between, between fat guy friends where it'd be like, I'm going to hit the gym. Like, yeah, I know what gym you're going to buddy.

Yeah. We're having fun. Oh, yeah. When, when Lucas and I text each other for DTF and it means ordering. Did Ty Fung. Where is this? We're all these fat guys hanging out where they say we're going to go to the gym. I don't know what this scenario is.

Is this a Doughboy show? Yeah. This is Doughboy's live. They're at a separate cheese place. Yeah. Those manatee looking fucks. Tell them how you feel, D'Angelo. All your heads are too small.

You're in the audience for Doughboy's live. Your head's too small. Can't be a manatee. Now leave me here to drink this cup of piss. The other sandwich thing that, that we've discussed with you and that is worth relitigating here, given the theme of this tournament is the existence of D'Angelo grilled sandwiches. D'Angelo's baby.

I mean, D'Angelo should be on for D'Angelo's. Yeah. Oh, shut up. We call it D'Angelo's. My mom calls it Dingledangles. Dingledangles. Oh, that's cute. Mitch, you got to put a ring on it.

Yeah. It's adorable. Jesus Christ. You can't let her go, Mitch. She's a cat. Don't let her Dingledangle. Jesus Christ. I know she doesn't like micro balls, but you can, you can overcome that.

Jesus Christ. She's in Florida this week. My mom. QS? She's not in QS. No, she's, I don't know where the hell she is in Florida. It's been annoying because I've had a lot of stuff I'm trying to help with my place here. And look, I'm not going to get into the details of it, but I've been texting her and she hasn't.

And then she called as soon as we started Doughboy's records. It was a very typical mom thing. Yeah. You're having to do things on your own as a 40 year old man who's just moved. You can't rely on your mom who's on vacation. I know it's tough. I just got to talk to her for five minutes. That's all I need.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Mitch, if you love something, you have to let it go. And if it comes back, it's meant to be. Just let her be on the vacation. Michael, I want to eat prey love. Jesus. And I've decided I want to marry my son.

This is, it's over. No more mom stuff. And I thought of my beautiful son. Dear God, look, here's, here's the thing. A lot of people give me shit about like, you go home and see your mom. Yeah, I love my mom. It's good to spend time with your mom. I agree.

You see your wife every day. Unfortunately for her. I agree. You make fun of me for this shit. It's good to see. It's good to see your mom. It's good to see your mom. We love mom.

It's nice to see your mom. Yeah. Especially when she's also your wife. Yeah. Dear God. All right. No more mom stuff. I'm not, look, I don't, look, it's over.

I'm not bringing, you know what, no more bringing up my mom on the pod. Okay. All right. We won't do it. Do you like it? Do you like a D'Angelo? I've never had D'Angelo's. We've discussed this.

Now I'm remembering. Yeah. I apologize. And I, I feel bad and guilty because I lived in Providence for four months and I surely was close to a D'Angelo's and I just never ventured out to find it. So that. You did, I will say this, you did get Regina. Well, I'll say this.

We were supposed to get Regina together. Yeah. And then I was like, what, why did I make that plan? And I demanded that you still get it with Lucas. I wanted you to still try pizzeria Regina because I, I thought that you guys would should have it and try it. And you were very sweet about it because yeah, we were supposed to, you and I were going to meet for pizza and then I was going to go pick up Lucas at Logan.

And you, I think, um, invited yourself to come with me to pick up my husband at the airport. Um, I did, I, I did invite myself to that. And I said it would be very, I said that it would be funny if Jen hid and Lucas came out of the airport and it was me holding Regina's pizza being like, Hey buddy. And like thinking that it was just me there for waiting for him. I think that would be very funny. I think it would be very funny.

And honestly, he would have loved it. Um, but yes, I wound up having to work late. So I was going to have to go straight to the airport. Um, but when we were going to go together, you were like, you should pick me up in Quincy, which is on the way so that I can drive with you because it's like parking around there is kind of tough. Yeah. I could help you out.

It is hard. Yeah. But I was like, I was surely it's not that hard. And then when I was going to just pick it up on my way to the airport, when I started driving, driving in Boston, it's so harrowing. It was horrible. And that street is so small. Yeah.

That's your street. The smallest street I've ever seen. Yeah. You're in the North end. You're in the North end. You're driving around the North end. It's tiny street. It's very much like Mario Kart.

You're driving around tiny streets and there's Italian people yelling out the windows. Um, throwing turtle shells. Throwing turtle shells at you. Banana peels in the street. If I'm driving by, you think Donkey Kong is there. Uh, but you enjoy, you did enjoy it. Right. You liked it.

It was so good. It was amazing. Oh yeah. There we go. I like it. It's good. Day and I was saying that the quality has gone, uh, has, has gone up and down a little bit, but I, but I, but I, but I still think that they're, they're one of the best.

Well, hey, we'll decide who is the best as much madness continues after this break. We'll be back with more dough boys. You know, Mitch, you're about to take a little trip abroad. You're going to Costa Rica. That's right. Why? So I'm going to Costa Rica with the family. It's going to be a lot of fun.

Gonna maybe see a monkey. Oh, that's fun. Gonna maybe see a bird. Just that. Just a one monkey, one bird. That's it. Hey, that sounds like a heck of a vacay. And you know what?

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Do it. Welcome back to Doughboys. We are here with our guest, Jen D'Angelo, for Munch Madness 2022, the Tournament of Champions Heroes journey suboptimal. This is the semi-soft finals, Arby's versus not Subway's as the substitution has been invoked by Commissioner Susser by way of Deputy Commissioner U song. Yeah, I said Subway's because I had Quiznos on the brain. Subway is out. Quiznos is in. The substitution has been invoked.

Toasty. We got the toasty. We got the toasty one. We got the subs. We got the little rat singers. We got the subs. That's right. We got Quiznos instead of Subway's.

We got toasty. Toasty. Who said that? Was that Weigar or D'Angelo? It was Weigar. What am I thinking? Who say that? Who crowbarred in a Mortal Kombat reference?

Was that Jen or was that my co-host? Was that the normal person, Jen D'Angelo, or was it my co-host? That's giving you too much credit, D'Angelo. Yeah, seriously. You are not normal. You are not normal. This didn't naturally happen in the chit chat part of the pod, but I'm going to haemphatically force it in now.

Because I feel like it's important for the pod, for the listeners. It feels in line with our interests. I'm currently remodeling my bathroom, which means that I'm going to have to buy a toilet. And I stumbled across an online review of a toilet that I really think I need to read. Please do. I'm going to read it.

It's funny for me to be like, oh, the normal person, and then you've been looking up toilet reviews. You've been reading toilet reviews. You've been searching for toilet reviews. Yes, and just holding them until I can read them publicly. You know what's been retired before you get into your story? That was normal. It feels like that's been retired, huh?

Yeah, you're not really seeing that anymore. Yeah, that was normal. Wait, was that a thing? Yeah, I don't know if that was something. Well, that was normal. I feel like that was a thing at one point. I remember... I remember, well, that happened.

Yeah, I remember, well, that happened. I'm telling you, well, that was normal. I feel like that was before, well, that happened. I feel like that was the evolution. I think, well, that happened was first. I remember, well, that happened being roughly contemporaneous with awkward. We're getting a lot of awkward.

The other one was, which I think was maybe even preceded, it was Little Help. Yeah. Little Help. Someone off-camera injured themselves. Little Help. These were all on the Workaholics board. Was that?

Oh, yes, right. The Workaholics board of retired jokes of they've been done too much, we can't do them anymore. And then I... This was like, I was so proud of this and I was so sad about it, but... It's funny that that board is like you guys go to board, like the retired jokes.

Yeah, we would just listen to Joe Boys and then be like, okay, right, John, everything they said. But I remember, we had that board up in the room and so it was like all that stuff, like Little Help, like, well, that happened or like Bag of Dicks, Lady Boner, stuff like that. Lady Boner.

And one day I was in the room alone and as a joke, I just wrote Snake Hands. As if Snake Hands were like so ubiquitous and hack that we couldn't make fun of them anymore. And then it was on there for a while and then the guy that sent the hack board, like, he tweeted it and then like, Vulture wrote about it and it like went,

you know, like it was on like websites and stuff. He had to raise Snake Hands before he tweeted it. No! Like, no, it would have been so good if it was like out in the wild with Snake Hands on it and people were just like, what is that? I love that. And like a guy who's like, go-to thing is like,

where'd it go, Snake Hands? He sees that and he's like, oh, shit. I'm a hack. Okay, here's the toilet review. Yes, please. And again, I'm going to read it exactly as written. I love my toilets, smiley face. Jesus.

Jesus. Super sexy and sleek. Wait, sexy and sleek? Sexy and sleek. Jesus Christ. I guess maybe important context for this is that I had to search small toilet. Okay.

Small toilet. Okay, I don't know what's going on over there, but go on. I just want a tiny little toilet. Jesus. Okay, super sexy and sleek. I ordered one of these and it came in perfect condition. This package is amazing.

My contractor had no problem installing it, but you need space on the sides to connect it inside. My other toilet came in a few weeks later and it was broken. I was on crunch time and emailed Swiss Madison. I had an email and a call to follow and I got a new toilet quick and they reimbursed me for the broken one. Also, one of the parts was a different color and they shit that part right away.

So customer service is amazing and I'm thinking of getting my third toilet from them and recommend it to others. It's so easy to get upset and write a bad review, but I suggest to talk to them first before making quick decisions. We are all human and things break on the way here. It comes by UPS and accidents happen. It doesn't mean the toilet is not worth five stars lol. I'm very picky and I have a modern style.

So before I bought these toilets, I did an extensive search for this prize size and what it offers. It doesn't offer anything more than a normal toilet. It's one of the best on the market. I'm in real estate. I'm also an interior designer, so I know my stuff. Get this toilet and you won't be disappointed. I promise, smiley face.

Jesus Christ. This woman went so hard for this toilet. Yeah. I've never in my life had thought someone wants to like fuck a toilet until this very moment, but this person is sleek and sexy. Definitely. This person is way too into the toilet.

Wait, real quick, just one other toilet review of the same toilet. I love everything about this toilet, especially the look. It has a sleek modern look that makes my bathroom look amazing. I get compliments on it. Compliments. Wow. People are like, I love it too. Nice dumper.

I took a huge shit in there. It flushed great. It's tiny, but it swallowed up my huge shit pretty easily. Until it was thirsty. Yeah, that's what you need. You need a hungry toilet. You know, it's funny that, well, Weigar, didn't you just break your toilet?

I broke my toilet on, yes. This was a recent episode. We discussed this with our friend Lauren Lapkus. And yeah, I had a much madness, possibly much madness related toilet repair issue that I was able to fix. It's covered by insurance. Munch Madness is covered by insurance, so you're good to go. Are you sure the toilet didn't take its own life?

That won't be covered by insurance, probably. That's true. Yeah, that's a double indemnity clause. I think there's a, yeah, it's a, I've never bought a toilet. And we were talking before the podcast, while we're waiting for Mitch, we were talking early on and the, and before the podcast began. 201 or 202, which by the way, for the earlier record,

I was waiting for Weig's. How's that? Weig's wasn't there. Yeah, that's fine. You can throw that in my face. I don't mind. Wait, longer than you waited for me. Piece of shit. Anyway, while we were, we were just sort of having some small talk

during that period of Mitch's absence, we were talking about this toilet thing and I was like, I've never bought a toilet. And I feel like I would love to have that moment. I would love to have that feeling of like shopping for toilets and picking one out and installing it and being like, this is my toilet. Cause every,

every toilet I've had has been like the, the like cheapest one that the fucking landlord installed. You know, it's, I've never, I don't feel like I've ever had a good toilet. I have a bidet, which is nice, but that's a, that's my own like little enhancement to the existing stock toilet. I think you gotta get, you gotta, you gotta get a big boy too.

You gotta, you gotta get that for that tank ass of yours. You need something. You gotta get one of those heavy duty guys is what I'm saying. You gotta get, you gotta, I think you need, and you deserve that. Why does he deserve a big luxurious toilet? I do deserve it. Yeah.

Why is just go search big toilets. Wait a minute. It's brought up the dough boys podcast. I love my toilets. So big. Reviews of dough boys and reviews of toilets, probably similar, probably similar things being said.

Um, yeah. Is it a review of dough boys or review of a toilet? The angel, I said that you should put a back or basketball, a basketball backboard on your toilet. That's what I think. No, you said make the toilet a basketball hoop. Yes. Yeah.

Well, basically, yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, I guess the whole thing would be a basketball hoop and which means that it's a backboard as well. Which is, I think that's wise. I think that would be fun and funny. It would be fun if you're,

if you're talking about like we'd have like it, you'd have like an orange seat. If you're talking about like maybe sort of like a paint job on an existing toilet, but if you're just talking about installing a hoop in place of a toilet, I don't see how that would work. You make it look like a basketball.

Make it look like a hoop. Yeah. That's fun. Hopefully no one shoots any three pointers because of my drift. Well, that's the issue. You wouldn't want to encourage that. Yeah. Someone on the other side of the room trying to

shoot one in, you don't want that. Yeah. No, you don't want that. You don't want that at all. What you really would need, I feel like in order to really clinch the basketball toilet, is that you would need like a, like a catapult is what you actually poop onto.

And then you shoot it into the toilet. Right. I mean, things are going to get a little sloppy in the bathroom. If that's the case, but here's a lot more than what I'm sure you normally have. I have a fucking aquarium because I'm a big manatee, a piece of shit.

Look, I think that, I'm giving you the Weigar treatment, T'Angelo. Sorry. I think that, a nice little compromise would be that when you flush it, it's a, the shot clock sound. So it's like,

that's fine. That's good. That's good. That should be what, why not? They make that sound when it can't flush. Yeah, that's a good, that's a shot clock violation.

So like people in the house are like hearing that, and they're like, uh-oh. Yeah. There we go. We got a floater in there. Yeah. Oh God. D'Angelo,

it's sad for me that you've never had, all right, so let's go to turds to subs. It's sad to me that you've never had D'Angelo's, which Weigar tries to correct me and says D'Angelo. That's what they're, they're copy. That's their brand. D'Angelo grilled sandwiches. It's like you correcting me for saying subways.

Yeah. You were right. Cause it's subway. It's D'Angelo singling. D'Angelo's. Look, it's sad for me that you've never been to D'Angelo's. Uh, because it's, I honestly think that it would give,

right now in the, in the tournament, there's a favorite. We, we have the, the 1996 Chicago Bulls, right? I wouldn't go that far. Jersey mikes, but I would not, I wouldn't have called them this 96 Chicago Bulls. But right now this episode, look,

I had a great time at both of these restaurants and also why I know that there's another favorite of yours in this episode. I'm talking Arby's. I'm just going to throw it out there. You like Arby's. That's right. That's right. Well, a huge thing for me was that I think this was the first

time I've ever had Arby's. Wow. As I get choked up. Yeah. She started crying. She started crying about Arby's. It's the first time I've ever had Arby's. Um, it is,

I, you know, I'm getting choked up for you too. It's very, it's, it's a, it's an emotional thing. It's, it's, it is, it's good. And it's also like a rare weird, I didn't have them around me growing up. So I know a lot of, like, like, uh, and I know that some people love them. Also, while we talked about this kind of the butt of a lot of jokes, Arby's, like a Simpsons jokes, like a mountain.

What were we talking about? The things that got shit is like, Seinfeld, Seinfeld made fun of Arby's, uh, the daily show. We had a running gag, making fun of Arby's. I think John Oliver probably may have done that on the daily show. I, and, and I think, hey, it's all in good fun. The Arby's leaned into the gimmick. Arby's though is actually good.

Like it's legitimately good. And I get why it's a target for, for ridicule and it's those, those jokes are fun. But yeah, maybe that's something that should be on the hack board because we've made plenty of fun of Arby's at this point. Add it back, put it back on with snake hands, making fun of Arby's to the hack board. Wiger, what was the other place?

What was the other fat, like chain restaurant? You said there was a couple of ones that got shit that didn't deserve it. Mountain Dew you could toss into the, into the same category. Well, we've talked about, I don't think this is what you're talking about.

I don't think this is what you mean. You said another one. But Taco Bell Diarrhea is one. Yes, Taco Bell Diarrhea. Like that's like, that's, that's very hack and, and it's, it's very overplayed. That's maybe what you said. I mean, are we, are we talking cheesecake factory?

I've talked about a cheesecake factory. I feel like got a lot of, like there's, there's kind of the snobbiness about it, but it's actually amazing what they're able to do at their scale. I mean, like Red Lobster is maybe one that gets like a lot of shit too. That's like actually kind of a lot of fun. There's a few of them that like got into like the,

like, I mean, Arby's I think is one of the bigger ones and Taco Bell. Well, it's like, like, like you can get Diarrhea. That's like, it's basically what the joke is. If you go to Taco Bell and Mountain Dew, I think the Simpsons made fun of Arby, did the Simpsons made fun of Arby's, right? Made fun of Arby's did make fun of Mountain Dew too.

Yeah. That's the, the crab juice joke. Crab juice joke. Crab juice. All we have is Mountain Dew and crab juice. Ew, I'll take a crab juice. Even Homer doesn't want the stuff. Even Homer would love Mountain Dew.

He's out of, he's being crazy. Homer would love Mountain Dew. Yeah. Too bad he got canceled. You're talking about the most recent episode. That's right. Homer got canceled recently. Homer got canceled?

Homer got canceled. Or what? An angle episode. An angle. An angle. Homer's canceled. Wow. I hope he's okay.

I don't see any yet. I hope he's okay. That's, that would be funny if this is how he, like the rest of the, from here to the end of the show, he's like, like a recluse. He like, he doesn't, he doesn't show his face in public. The next episode is like him going to spend time in like an Italian villa with Kevin Spacey and...

You can't even think of another canceled man. What you guys do is art. Reverts to season one, Homer. So yeah, Arby's is a punchline. Arby's is a punchline. I'm sad that D'Angelo didn't get to try D'Angelo's. You were near it. There's no real excuse.

You fucked up. But because I think why, I do think it's a place that would make some noise. I wonder what you were thinking. I've really loved the steak and cheese there. I'm not, I just, people are going to, I don't know how the quality of D'Angelo's, but Emma, D'Angelo's is good, right?

Come on, it's like a... D'Angelo's is great. It's great. Yeah. I love it. I mean, I don't know how much of my love for D'Angelo's is nostalgia, but... Sure.

I love it. No, we don't say stuff like that on a podcast. I mean, no nostalgia at all. I just love it. I think D'Angelo's is great and will make some noise. But I'm going to say this. I had the best version of... How am I going to say this without spoiling it?

I had the best version of a sandwich at one of these two places. Like the best chain restaurant version of a sandwich at one of these places. Let me say this. And perhaps we're evoking Dickens himself once more. It was the best of subs for Mitch. Wow.

It was the worst of subs for Wyger. I had my single worst thing I've eaten this entire tournament all of Munch Madness during this round. Wow. Wow. And that's from Dickens' food tour of London Book. That's right, yes. The rules of Munch Madness...

Dickens is a guy... I forgot my original joke. I just forgot. Joke. You got close enough. Quo. Whatever. The rules.

Stay on the sidelines. Drinks are in the stink. Chips get the slip. Cookies are oaky. Soup is off. Rule number two. We are in a pickle. Pickles are eligible.

Rule number three, which pertains to D'Angelo. If it's national, it's rational. Chains must have locations across the U.S. including the greater L.A. area. Which means... Sorry, Jen. Public's more like privates. Sheets?

You're going in the wash. You're too crusty. D'Angelo? D'Devil know. Cousins and subs? You're out of the family. This also excludes L.A. chains that aren't national like Togos or Lee's sandwiches.

Rule number four. D'Devil know. I know. I got the same place in that. And that's a problem. Due to personal conflicts, Ike's Love and Sandwiches is recused for the competition. Rule number five, some heroes are self-made.

Sandwich customization is encouraged. Rule number six, we run hot and cold yet one hot sandwich. We run cold sandwich from each eatery. And rule number seven, you can request extra napkins as well as some susser rules including the substitution which has been evoked for this particular episode. Let's start with the old name. Jen and I are, like the beginning of Hocus Pocus,

Jen and I are noticeably aged up after you read off all those rules. Let's begin with the- Hold on a second. D'Devil knows. Also, publics more like privates makes me think of private parts. D'Devil knows is just bad.

I think it's good. Yeah. I think it's good. You do? Yeah, I think it's- You're going to put your reputation as a writer on the line right now and say, D'Devil knows is good. You know what?

I am. I think- Wow. I can't wait for like five months with Jen. I'll hold the work dried up. I'm like wiger now. I have to go to an Italian villa with Kevin Spacey and Homer. Welcome aboard, Jen.

D'Devil knows is inarguably bad. I like it. It's good. It is good. But also, I don't like that it's not a part of the tournament. I wish that we could open it up to more stuff. The problem is it's regional. I know, I know, I know.

In practical terms, how would we get it? There's no way to get it, right? If we're going to do that, I would rather wawa in the tournament. Wawa to me was great. Then we fly. Why was tremendous. Then we fly.

We're going to fly for the tournament in the age of a pandemic. We're going to fly to another part of the country just to get food from a sandwich shop for this tournament that's on a podcast. The pandemic's over, baby. The pandemic's over, baby. The pandemic is over. It's been over for some time.

We all agree. That is how important the podcast is. That's what we do. We do it because we have to do it. We have to put our lives on the line to eat these sandwiches and we're not doing our due diligence. They did put podcasters

at the front of the immunization list for whatever reason. It was important. That was real. Can I propose a new rule? Please. Please. I think that if a chain offers sliders, you should be able to get a slider

and decide if it's worthy of being the chain's mascot. Wow. Just like a little buddy. A little buddy along for the ride. Hold on a second. If it should be the chain's mascot? Is that what you said? Yeah.

Is it good enough to be like the chain's little buddy? Okay. So this is a rule going in the tournament, going in the official bylaws. So I want to make sure the phrasing is correct. So hold on a second. It also like doesn't really have anything to do with like the winner.

It's just as if it could be the chain's little buddy. Will your winner have a little buddy or will it just have no little buddy? Okay. So this is the D'Angelo addendum. If a chain has sliders, you can get a slider and decide

if it should be that chain's mascot. Yeah. If it's good enough to be. If it's good enough to be that chain's mascot. Yeah. It's important. I had a confrontation at one of my two restaurants too, by the way.

Wow. Wow. And this is something, Emma, we maybe should cut this out, but this is the truth. With a worker? No, not with a worker. Should I just tell it now?

Yeah. Yeah. I was at the, I went to the Arby's on Sunset, the big hat Arby's. Great Arby's. And there's two ways to enter it. You can come in the front

and then there's a sideway. Oh yeah. And it was just me and another person that was 10 minutes till it closed. Like there was one person in front of me. The line was going very slow. So there were two people like, that have already ordered.

Can you clarify, you're talking drive through, you're talking in store. I'm talking drive through. And then there was a person in front of me about to go to the speaker and me. And then another car pulled up. And the person in front of me went,

and then they pulled into that spot. And I was like, I was here first. Yeah. That's fucking insane. And their window was down. And like a psycho, I was like,

I was here first. And I can't believe that I did that because I never, ever, ever, ever do it. I usually just bite my tongue. And they were like, well, it's one in one. And I was like, no, it's not one in one.

Like it's like, I was here before you were. And I, and I was like, and it was a lady. And I was like, no, I feel like this poor woman who just wants to get Arby's. And then,

and then I was, and then like, she was like kind of talking to me back. And I was like, okay, all right. And I kind of rolled up my window. And then it was like, the person ahead moved forward. And it was like time for her to go into the spot.

And she didn't go and I rolled down my windows. She was like, if it means that much to you, you can go and take this and you can go first. And I was like, no, it doesn't mean you go. And so then it was a standoff about who went first. And so I went first.

And then now I'm just in the line. I'm like, I just feel bad now. I should never have said a thing, even though I stand by the fact that she was, you're right. She did the right thing. I'm proud of you.

And cutting is a thing that like, irks, and it's a thing that used to piss my dad off so much. And that it was like what, this is all the things I'm thinking of in line. I'm like, and I think it's a sort of thing of like, it's that sort of thing of like,

forget you, like I think it's a thing of like, I think that people are just like, you little peon I can do. I can, you know what I mean? I think it's like a stab. It's a violation of the social compact.

It's cutting is despicable. You were right, Mitch. I'm proud of you. And you know what? I think your old man was proud of you too. He hated cutting that much. He forced it into her car. Started yelling at her.

Serves you right. That boy is going to marry my mom. Or his mom. I got up to the window and I felt sad and bad about it. So at the drive-thru window, I said to the guy, let me buy the person behind me's dinner. And I bought her dinner and I drove around.

And I drove around. Now I'm disappointed with you. Well, I drove around and I said, no, I was, because she, because what she said, she was like, she was like,

I thought it was you going, then you going that she was like, I didn't see you behind the wall. That's what she said, like eventually in the fight. And I was like, you were right. Like,

like this is not worth, nothing is worth being upset about over. And I bought you dinner and she was like, that was very sweet of you. And so we ended on a nice note. Okay. So maybe, so you see,

diffuse the tension. You did a great job all around. I retract what I said about disappointment, because if that's, those are the facts of the case, that you handled everything well. I'm proud of you. Great job.

Anyways, now we're getting married. So my mom's out of the picture. So that's why she went to Florida. She's heart. That's just bad. She's going to go on like a girl's trip. Michael left me for a drive-through floozy.

Mrs. Mitchell. Sorry. I had a similar thing at the In-N-Out Burger. I yelled at some teens at the In-N-Out Burger who cut. Some rich teens in a fucking Mercedes SUV with Beverly Hills dealership plates. I mean, that is bad. And these seem even more evil than my scenario.

She did have a nice car. I think that was like a part of it too, where I was like, big part of it. This person has like a nice car and they like think that I'm like, but then I was like, Oh, this lady's just trying to get like some late night Arby's

and like, I shouldn't have said anything, but I was like, No, you handle it. It's good. You said something. I hate line, I hate,

I hate line cutting. It is truly, but why is what's happening to us? We're at the point, we're at the age and at the point of the podcast where we're, we're yelling at people for cutting us in line. I think we need to re-evaluate what's going on here. No, this is good.

This is healthy. This is the final form of the podcast. This is the final form of you and me. Yes. We, we ultimately, we're meant to evolve into this state to be two middle-aged guys who are yelling at people for cutting in line at past food restaurants.

Hey, you're not an A-list member. That's that AMC. Didn't you yell at our, didn't you, wait, didn't you get, didn't you go to the movies with our friend Van and he sat in your seat and you got an usher to get him to move?

Yeah. We went, we went, we went to Jackass forever. We went to Jackass forever and, and I, and I like, I had my seat and I wanted,

I wanted to sit next to Jackie boy, Jack Allison. And I think I had gotten Van his seats or something. Like I like got him in the A-list and I came in and he was sitting there and I was like, you got to get out of my seat. And he was like, I was here before you. This is actually my seat now.

And I was like, I'll get an usher and he was like being an asshole. Cause you know, you know, Van, we all know. Yeah. See, I know, yeah. And so I went, my real plan was to go get a drink. I was going to go get a snack.

I got some, I got a diet coke and some raisinettes. And then when I was walking by, there was an usher right at the door and I thought it would be fun to tell Van to go get out of my seat. So I told him to go, I gave, I also gave him 20 bucks.

Look, you gave him 20 bucks? Yeah. I gave him 20 bucks cause I was like, I'm just joking with my friend. Would you mind to tell, like tell him to get out of the seat. And then the usher went and he told Jack,

he accidentally told Jack to get out of his seat. Sure that went well. Yeah. Yeah. Just, just like a whole, like another situation where I was like, I shouldn't have done, and you didn't want to take the cash afterwards.

I was like, this is, why, what am I doing? I haven't been back out in public in a long time. I'm like, the guy was on board for it, but then I was just like, I feel like now you didn't want to do this in, in,

in, it was just a mess. I went to the Queen Mary, like haunted Queen Mary, like when they turned into like, Long Beach, California. Yeah, beautifully Long Beach, California. And,

you know, they have a bunch of haunted mazes around, and then they have people who are like, dressed up, like in, in scary makeup or whatever. And they're just kind of like walking around in, in the crowd,

and then they'll jump out and scare you. And, we were all like, the group that I was with, we had like stopped, we were getting snacks. And I thought it would be funny to go up to one of the people in scary makeup and be like,

will you go right up behind my friend and say, his name is Connor? Like, will you just whisper Connor in his ear and really scare him? So I see a scary guy walking around, and I go up to him and he sees me and is like, and I'm like,

yes, yes. And, and then I was like, I'm sorry, like this is weird, but would you mind like going and scaring my friend? And he was so confused and he went, I'm scaring you.

Oh man. And I was like, no, no, no, sorry, my friend's like right over there, he's in line. Like, would you mind just like going up to him and like yelling Connor? And he was like,

what are you asking me? And so then we get in a conversation. And then all my friends look over and see me just talking to this scary man. To a ghoul. The angel's talking to a ghoul again. Just casually chatting. And then,

Dear Lord. They all just watch as he walks over to them and tries to scare them just in full sight. And it was a disaster. I was mortified. Never talk to anyone, never ask anyone to do anything. Yeah.

I mean, also like, like, look, I wanted to clarify cause people will be like, Oh great, you got that guy who's working a job at a theater to like do be a part of your little bit. The guy, the guy said I was,

he was on his break, which now people are like, Oh great, it was on his break. But I was like, would you mind doing a thing for me? Yeah, sure. He was on board to do it.

He was on board to do it. I just felt bad after the fact that it was just a debacle. And also with the, with the whole drive through thing, I didn't even want to tell the, I'm not trying to tell the story like I bought the dinner and I'm a good guy.

Like, I really didn't want to tell the story on the podcast because I felt crazy for saying to someone that they cut, which I don't. No, you're right. You're right to do it. I don't know. I mean, now I'm maybe never going to do it again.

I'm just going to be mad in my car instead. That's not the lesson to learn from this. I don't know. If it was a healthy outlet for your anger, you would be more angry if you were like this, this rich person in his nice car cut me off. And then I just like stewed and watched them order in front of me and they pulled away.

I would have been mad of like Arby's clothes, but you know what? It didn't close and wags. I'm going to tell you, should we go Quiznos first actually? Maybe we should go Quiznos first. Oh, interesting. I was going to start with the incumbent,

but maybe we should go with the newcomer. It's been substituted into the tournament and we're going to find out if it deserves its spot here in the semi-soft finals. First thing I'll say about Quiznos is the app is crap. Just a very clunky, very old school, feels like a first gen app, just really, really poorly implemented.

There's a spot for special instructions, which I don't even think were relayed to the kitchen because none of those, none of the customizations and special instructions got handled. And also just an incredibly long lead time for something to get made here. Like the earliest time,

at any point I checked it was 45 minutes for preparation, which I get it, places are overwhelmed and understaffed. But if you're on your lunch break or something, that's just not a workable solution. But let's talk about Quiznos. Let's start here. Jen, you'd had Quiznos before. I have.

And I would say I did not consider myself a fan. I was a little bit like, ugh, I've got to go to Quiznos. Yeah, got it. My first department in LA, like on the corner, there was a Wendy's and a Quiznos. And I feel like I went to that Quiznos twice and I went to that Wendy's like probably 300 times.

Hell yeah. Of course you did. That tells you where Quiznos is in my mind. And I would say I had a pleasantly surprising, or a surprisingly pleasant experience at Quiznos. Me too, D'Angelo. I walked in and I was like, the vibes are, like outside of the Quiznos, the vibes are real bad.

And I was not excited to be going there. I walked in, everyone who worked there was super friendly, very, very nice. I got two sandwiches. I got a tuna melt. And I got the Baja chicken. Both of them are hot, but you know what? Everything at Quiznos is hot.

It all gets toasted. Mm-hmm, toasty. That's right. That's true. That's true. Unfortunately, one of those sandwiches is disqualified. And I think actually your vote is disqualified because of that. But that's okay.

What? Continue on. What? Wait, so what were the two sandwiches of the Baja chicken and what was the other one? A tuna melt. Mm-hmm. Well, that's how you feel.

I mean, I think the tuna melt has to be hot because it's a melt. I think the Baja chicken is also like kind of a hot sandwich, but I'll just say this. Mm-hmm. I attempted to get one of my sandwiches untoasted. And as I mentioned, there's the app is pretty crude. There's no way to like check. In the firehouse, you can check for if you want it to be cold or not.

You can, like, you have that customization option. Here, all you can do is put in the special instructions. And again, those aren't even relayed to the kitchen. I don't think they were on the receipt. So I asked for it on toast to ask for it cold. I got my cold sandwich. What I meant to be my cold sandwich hot. So I think there's just no way to evaluate this place

unless we want to dequeue it entirely, which, hey, I'm not opposed to that. Wow. You're going in really hot against it. Jen, I'm with you in that I had a better experience. But go on. You know what? Did you at least let one of your sandwiches cool before you bit it?

We'll count that as a cold sandwich. I will say that the tuna melt was cold. And it was not melty at all. And the Baja chicken was hot when I ate it. And I got them both at the same time. And they traveled with me the same amount of distance. But yeah, the tuna, I got it on white bread. I got also smalls, which I didn't realize their smalls are four inches,

I know to Mitch, that sounds enormous, but it's quite petite. What's the average size of a manatee penis? It's going to be like eight inches or something. Bullshit. They have giant penises, but their heads are teeny tiny. I love that scenario. But yeah, the tuna, I would say was not great. It came with tomatoes, pickles, and onion and cheese.

And the primary flavor was just pickle. It felt like, and the tuna salad was just very goopy and did not have much flavor to it. So it just felt like you were eating a pickle with a ton of mayonnaise. So that was not very good at all. But then the Baja chicken sandwich, I got it on their jalapeno cheddar bread, and it was great. Yeah. That bread is really good. It's really tasty and spicy and soft.

I do think that the Quiznos bread, like when you compare it to Subway or something, I do think the Quiznos bread is better. I think it's a better bread. I actually think Quiznos is not... That's damning with faint praise if we're to compare it to Subway. Yeah, but look, I think Quiznos is... I had a decent experience that there was a... D'Enzo, I also got the...

What's it called? The Baja chicken. I got the Baja chicken. So handholding club there. Baja chicken sub on white bread, regular size, which is how many inches? I think that's like six to eight inches. That's huge, gigantic.

Otherworldly. So the Baja chicken... And then you get the small, which is four inches, enormous. The Baja chicken has grilled chicken, crispy bacon, melted cheddar, and onions topped with our blue ribbon barbecue sauce, and smoky chipotle mayo, served toasted. Here's the thing. When I got a bite that had the smoky chipotle mayo and the barbecue,

I was in heaven. I thought it was really good. I thought it was tasting pretty nice. But then there were other bites. When I get into the Italian, this is where I got a classic Italian. That was my other one, and I got one small, also on white bread. Way to branch out. Way to try them all.

Got five types of bread. White with both. It's stacked with pepperoni, salami, spicy capicola, and smoked ham, and melted with provolone black olives, fresh lettuce, tomatoes, onions, and tangy banana peppers with zesty red wine vinaigrette, and it's served toasted. D'Angelo, I did my job,

and I put it in the fridge to make it cold back home. I did take a bite of it when it was warm, which doesn't disqualify me because I put it in the fridge. Here's the thing. The veggies tasted like they were a day away from not tasting good, if that makes sense. It almost was like, I can smell the veggies, and then they're a day away from being bad.

But besides that, I was kind of liking both of my subs. I was having a good time with both of them, and wigs, I also ordered myself a cup of broccoli cheese soup. Actually, I think it just comes in one size, and that comes with crackers. And that broccoli cheese soup, I think the crackers are the... Supas, what are you doing?

Supes off. Miss just tilted the camera down to show his crotch. I don't know what's happening here. Sorry. Why did you do that? To get these zest to crackers. You couldn't count on yourself to lift the crackers into frame. You had to move the camera down.

So you didn't have to lift your arm, so we just got a big crotch shot. I didn't realize it was a crotch shot. I couldn't possibly lift these two crackers into frame. Everyone relax. Everyone chill out. You pulled a tube in. I pulled a little bit of a tube in. You got to move to an Italian villa.

That's just how it works. Grab a cold one, Mitch. I got the... Again, like I said, I got the broccoli... And look, broccoli and cheese soup. A little salty, but it was pretty good. Supes off. I didn't eat the cool ranch Doritos.

They're still on my table. The chips got the slip. I got a diet coke, too. They're right here. If you don't believe it, they're still here, unopened. Listeners all believe that he lifted the Doritos bag into frame. It was amazing, a feat of strength. Look, here's the chips.

They're right here. Mitch just tilted the camera down at his crotch again. I got the Doritos chips unopened. Also to say the diet coke. I believe I didn't drink either. Oh, no, I did drink it. Maybe I did drink it. I don't know. Who cares? But anyways, my two subs are all right.

I liked the Baja chicken more than I liked the Italian, but the Italian was good. A lot of olives in there. It's an interesting sub, and I'll say this. Once refrigerated, not nearly as good. It did turn pretty bad. But I honestly, I think I would have,

Wags Quiznos would have beat Subway for sure. And I know that's damning with faint praise, but it had a good outing for me. And also is a hoagie slash sub shop. But D'Angelo, how did you feel about what you got? I mean, yeah. The Baja chicken was really good, and the jalapeno cheddar was good.

And it's a sandwich that I would get again, and it definitely made me be like, okay, Quiznos isn't as bad as I thought it was. Whereas the tuna meld, I was like, this is terrible, and this is in line with the Quiznos of my memory. Just like so bad and bland. And I just have to say,

I've never been more excited for why I could review a restaurant. Like you've just been seething, just quietly simmering. You hate Quiznos. You hate Quiznos. It's very clear you are very mad. Look, I endorsed the substitution from Commissioner Susser

by way of deputy commissioner Yu Song. I think it makes sense. I agree with you, Mitch. Quiznos would have beaten Subway head to head. I think Subway would not have had a shot of winning this competition. I think Quiznos is notable by its absence, and so it makes sense for it to find its way

into this competition. I think Quiznos, hey, on its best day, might have a shot at this kind of matchup and possibly progressing further into the tournament. Unfortunately, the Quiznos I went to at a strip mall that I describe as apocalyptic, just 14 empty storefronts of Quiznos and a CVS. Like a closed Jiu Jitsu studio.

It was a real bummer. It was a real disaster capitalism sort of. This is just not a place I want to be, and I feel bad for the workers who are great and clearly seem to be two people working there in this entire restaurant. Maybe that's partly why there was such a long lead time for the sandwich, because they were just understaffed

like every place right now, like every chain restaurant. I will say that I feel like Quiznos thrives in an apocalyptic hellscape. I feel like every location I've ever seen has been in a place where I'm like, I don't want to go there. Yeah, I think they were huge for a few years. You know, when Mitch was singing the jingle,

those were kind of their salad days. That's when things were going great for them. See, even when Quiznos was big, it wasn't like a place I went to a lot. So I don't have like a lockup to compare to. There was a subway right near the birthday boys house, and we would go and we would meet at the, as a comedy group, we'd meet like six nights a week.

Sometimes seven, which isn't saying to think about four years. And like so often I get subway. That's how you guys end up with a TV show. You work harder than everyone. It's true. Not me, but I was there. And so you could get,

like I would do a turkey sub a lot. Tunis like tuna sub from time to time, but it was just so easy to get, like I'm going to get a turkey and Swiss with onion on wheat and toast it. And this feels until like, you know, like, you know, bread really started to become the devil. It felt like a okay enough dinner where I was like,

Oh, I'm just eating these and like a diet, this sandwich, a Diet Coke, a loaf of bread, it turns out is not great for you. Whatever. I mean, people get mad at us too, that we were saying like a sandwich is unhealthy. And if you do the basics, it's fine. Quiznos was down the street from there in North hot,

like near universal logs. I think, you know, right across from universal city right around there. Where the minion watches over under the purview of the minions eye. The minions, the minions keeping tabs on the Quiznos. His eyes moving towards the Quiznos as someone walks in.

And it's very funny that that quid, that little minion watches over the world from, from a top universal. He keeps us safe. He's going to break out of the ground one day. Only if Godzilla comes, he has to defend the city. He's our savior. Beautiful.

Oh my God. That's also going to happen at some point. When Weigur writes a minions movie. So that's the dream. They already did it. They did a Kaiju Kevin. Yeah, I was going to say I knew it. Minions won.

I knew it. I knew it. I knew there was some bullshit. I got it. That's not some bullshit. That's fun family film. All right. A lot of people enjoy it.

All right. All right. That, that Quiznos, I didn't go too often. There's one on Vermont, which was not, is it maybe the same one you went to, D'Angelo? That's the one I went to. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's, I feel like the both times we went there, we went there with a Haley Joel Osmond Weig's and, and, our friend Haley Joel. That's a decent Quiznos. I think that's a good Quiznos. And he was, he was with me and he was like, your dad's over there. And I was like, relax, everyone sees my dad.

It's not a six sense thing. So I'll say this, to Quiznos credit, there was a point in my life, and Natalie and I discussed this. Quiznos when it first came on the scene, and the toasting oven was a novelty. And this was before Subway cloned that and decided, hey, we can put toasting ovens in our own kitchen. Which by the way, not as good.

Their toaster is not as good as Quiznos. It's not, it's not as good as Quiznos, but they basically were like, you know, we can do the same thing and we can do it cheaper. And that's, that's ultimately what seems to have killed Quiznos. But there was a time when Quiznos quality was a lot better. And in the same way I've talked about Baja Fresh on here, on the podcast, Baja Fresh at a certain point was like,

oh, Baja Fresh is like the upscale, you know, a quick service Mexican place. It was the same sort of thing. I thought of Quiznos back then, 15, 20 years ago, as I think of Jersey Mike's today. I was like, Quiznos is good. Quiznos has a quality sub sandwich for a chain restaurant. Yeah.

Yeah. They've gone downhill, obviously. They've closed a lot of locations. Who knows if they're long for this world. Based on my most recent outings to this place, I don't know if they're going to sustain themselves for too much longer, but I will say, I similarly had a duality of sandwiches

where I had one good one and one terrible one. The Southwest chicken sandwich I got was good. It's quality. The thing I didn't love on it was guacamole on a hot sandwich. I don't think that's a great combo, toasting it with that. I think it just seems a little putrid. But the Chipotle mayo was really, really tasty. And I thought the chicken was decent quality.

The downside here is that I'd ordered this on Jalapeno Cheddar Bread. They either didn't see that and put the wrong bread on there, or they just weren't out of it and made a substitution of their own. And I got that on Rosemary Parmesan instead, which was a disappointment. I thought that Natalie described that as glue bread. Just the texture is very glue-like.

It wasn't pleasant at all. Even toasted, it just didn't have much life to it. That was also coincidentally the same bread I selected for my glue bread. I think texturally, it's a pretty clear indication of what it's like to chew. The veggie guacamole is the one I asked for on Rosemary Parmesan. Unfortunately, I asked for this one on toasted.

It came toasted, so I put it in the fridge and then had it after it came out of the fridge. And I had just the worst bites of this entire tournament. The worst bites maybe in Doughboy's year of Our Lord 2022. Jesus. Wow. Really terrible. Just a flavorless mush, textureless mush

in between two loaves of bad bread. It was like eating the forest floor. It was really, really terrible. Natalie took a bite and she just said, oh, I can't. And just put it down. It was that bad. It was like Oliver Twist to bring it back to Dickens.

Wow. It was like porridge between loaves. Only you would not say, please, sir, can I have some more to this sandwich? Oh my god. This was really terrible. This is guacamole. You would think food with a horrible food.

Really awful. Veggie guacamole was awful. Natalie got herself a French dip. And now I got the 12-inch French dip. She had a fucking foot-long sandwich for lunch. Wow. Just like a champion. She got it with double cheese and extra au jus.

Just like a fucking heroic sandwich. She just took down like it was nothing. And she thought it was good. She liked her French dip. She was like, this French dip could stand, you know, could work, could stand toe-to-toe with like a firehouse French dip, which is fair. So, you know, hey, that's the subways credit as well.

But speaking of my sandwiches, I had one that I liked and one that I really, really loathed and just a weird experience overall at Quiznos. Let's pivot to Arby's. And Mitch, you haven't talked about the best bite you've had yet, the best bite of a chain restaurant item you've had yet. So, I have to think that this was, Arby's was the culprit here or I guess the culprit is the wrong word.

You nailed it. No, you are correct. I went to Arby's. You know, there was that little back and forth there. Went home and, you know, I was like, I'm just getting sick of, you know, I'm getting sick of the tournament. We're at that point. We're just hard to do this shit.

I don't want to do anything wrong. But the end is in sight. This is the second Semi-Soft Final. Next week is the finale, which we will be live. Yes. Wow. Which is going to be live. Which is going to be live.

Live with Don't Stop or Will Die Tuesday night. That is March 29th at 9 p.m. Eastern. And you can find that URL at momenthouse.com slash doughboys or headgum.com slash live. Momenthouse.com slash doughboys. Finale live, much madness with Don't Stop or Will Die. Join us if you like. Here's the thing.

I went to Arby's and I was like, I got to get a hot. I got to get a cold. I had talked to D'Angelo about what she got. And I actually matched up with D'Angelo. I got a couple things that maybe you got. But I said, I'm going to get my hot sandwich. And there were a couple things. And I've heard that the fish sandwiches were good.

They weren't available the last time I was there. And so I said, I want that. I want this King's Hawaiian fish deluxe meal. Hell yeah. A fish deluxe. Well, isn't that what Trump calls it too? It is. Yeah. Fish deluxe.

What he calls a filet of fish. So I wanted a fish deluxe. And I got it. And I brought it back and I bit into it. And I thought it was the best fast food fish sandwich I've ever eaten in my life. I thought it was fantastic. Is it fried fish?

Yeah, it's fried fish. It's the best for a fast food place, for any like a chain restaurant. It's the best fast, you know, best fish sandwich. I agree with you. I had that King's Hawaiian the first time we reviewed Arby's. It was it was a fucking home run. It was absolutely great.

And fantastic. If I hadn't already had it. It's such a thing you think wouldn't be good. You wouldn't think it would be good. If you haven't had it already had it, you think that you thought I'd be crazy saying all this. No, if I was going to say if I hadn't already had it, the fish sandwich I had on this go round,

which was the spicy fish sandwich, which is there. It's a spicy seasoned crispy fish fillet with a fire roasted jalapenos diced on there as well as tartar sauce, lettuce and tomatoes on the sesame bun. I would have thought that was the fish sandwich to beat. The spicy fish sandwich, not as good as the King's Hawaiian fish sandwich, but also a very, very good fish sandwich.

Well, here's the deal. For my hot sandwich, I want to try both of them. So I got both. Wow. I merged them into one sandwich. I got to say this. I was like rooting for Quiznos because I had Quiznos first. And I was like, Quiznos is good at good outing.

And you never think that a sandwich from Arby's would be that good. And not only that, but like the lettuce and tomato tasted good. Like everything about it was really good. It's crispy fish fillet, sharp cheddar, shredded lettuce, tomato, tartar sauce, King's Hawaiian bun. It was the best fast food fish sandwich I've ever had. I'm so glad. It's like terrific.

I should have gotten it. I love a fish sandwich. And I didn't even see it on the menu. I feel like I was so stressed out wondering whether Euro's counted or not. But I just panicked. We, Moix and I both got Euros already. They are allowed 100%.

That's true. We should have told them more. It's a homophone for Hero, so it works. Yeah. We, look, I was, I was blown away. And also like going there being like Quiznos at least is like a sub, you know, that's like a big thing in my mind is like, it's a, you know, it's, this is, this is a sub sandwich competition.

And it's a sandwich competition. Look, all right, fine. But I was just like, Arby's doesn't fit as much into it, but I got both of those sandwich. I also thought the spicy fish, spicy fish sandwich was very good. They're both great. That King's Hawaiian fish deluxe is the best fast food fish sandwich I've ever had.

It's great. I also got myself a beef and cheddar. It doesn't count in the thing. I just wanted a beef and cheddar. And it was great. And look, the beef and cheddar was in the, it was in the competition. It would have kicked ass too.

It was, it was fantastic. I got some curly fries. Look, I know I was complaining about eating too much food, but it was my dinner. I didn't eat all of this food. You get an extra hot sandwich and you got a side of fries. You didn't have to do any of this. In fact, you got two fish sandwiches.

Yeah. And D'Angelo, my cold sandwich was one that you got as well. I'll let you say, I also got a large Coke. I'll let you say what the sandwich was, because you said it and I had eyed it before. And then this time I got it. So the cold sandwich you got from Arby's was. Wow.

What a lead in. As if it's going to be like the gold turkey. Like it's. Wow. No. Is it the turkey? It's turkey ranch bacon, right? The turkey ranch bacon sandwich,

which I got to say, I don't know how you feel about it, but I was like, this is also good. It was so good. When I looked at it at first, I was like, oh, this is going to be like any lady around Mitch just dry as a bone. And. But then I bit into it and the bread was super soft and moist. The lettuce and tomato with felt fresh and like felt good quality.

And it. Even the lady manatees, they're in the water. Yes. Yes. Dry mouth. Look at that big head freak. Beach myself. But yeah, that sandwich, I was surprised by how like high quality it was

ingredients wise. And I was very, it's great. I would get it again. Like if I was, it's like a great little like quick and easy lunch that doesn't feel too disastrous. Yeah. It was so good. It's basically this is this is probably akin to the roast turkey and Swiss

sandwich, which I got, which is on regular bread, right? It's like a loaf of bread, basically. Not a sub roll. Yeah. This is this is one thing that Arby's does well that people forget about. That because I got like a chicken one last week wise and it wasn't good. I didn't like it. I remember this is good.

It feels like it definitely feels like the meat and cheese are heavy. It feels like really deli cut, like deli, like deli brand, like, whatever. At the grocery store, just feels like kind of like the shittier maybe cheese and meat, but it still is. I agree with you. Like the lettuce, tomato, onion, like everything on there is like in the bacon, like at all is real high quality and the meat is fine. Yeah.

Lucas described it as like a really good grocery store sandwich. Yes. Perfect way to put it. That's exactly what I was thinking is like this is like if you went to Ralph's or you went to Vaughn's, whatever your local grocery store chain is and went to the deli counter order sandwich and you got this, you'd be like, ah, this is good. This is a good lunch. And that's exactly what I felt about by roast turkey and Swiss sandwich, which was

basically the same thing that you guys described just with the, with different proteins. And yeah, I like that they have regular bread sandwich options. It's just a nice lighter option. It's a nice lighter lunch and you can go super heavy at Arby's, but you can also go pretty light. And I think if you look to their hot side of their menu, the cold side of their menu, that speaks to their versatility. Spoon Man, you got any other thoughts on, on that, on your, on either of your sandwiches?

I just had such a good time with all the Arby's food. It was a thing where I was like, I was in heaven. Why is it was good? Wow. Wow. I was having a great time. I, I, you know, I was, I was kind of rooting for Quiznos, but I mean, look, you're going, you're going Arby's.

It seems like D'Angelo's going, look, we're an hour and a half into this. Uh-huh. And we have a lot of score things to do. And it's like, should we get, should we just get right down to it and say our winner? No, we shouldn't. We should say our scores. So. Okay.

I'm going to, I'm going to start with the scores. Did we, did we, did we, did we just cut some of the scoring's like some of the scoring categories off or no? We, we moved, we moved, uh, it was a dunk ability and, uh, and. That's right. Right. Blow factor to the, the, the, the, the, the double to the soup competition. Cause we did earlier, we did that earlier today and we didn't mention either.

Uh, okay. No, we forgot to do that. But whatever, they're still there. Just think, just think of it that way. We're going to rate, rate each of these out of $10 and newly legal NCAA endorsement money. Uh, here are the categories. Bread, meat, condiment, slash sausage, slash sausage, if applicable, slash veggies, messiness, overall sub-slash theme, each of these are out of $10.

And finally, would you give it to Jared? That's a yes or no question. We're going to do these together. We're going to try to speed through these as much as possible. First up, bread. I will say Quiznos, uh, that glue bread. Natalie said it. I'll give it a two and Arby's.

Arby's bread is solid. I didn't love the sesame bun as much as I, as much as I like the Queens Hawaiian bun, obviously. Uh, but I do think the regular wheat bread that was on that turkey sandwich was pretty damn good. So I'll give Arby's a seven. Uh, Mitch. Uh, oh, we're, we're, we're, we, we, we'll do all these together. We're doing bread first.

Okay. Last week it was faster. I thought Quiznos bread is, I think Quiznos bread is okay. I give Quiznos, and I think it toasts pretty well. I'm going to, Quiznos to me was, was, was, was better bread than, than you really thought it was. I'm going to give it a six. I thought it was okay.

Here's the deal. Arby's bread, the Kings Hawaiian roll. Then you also got like on that turkey bacon ranch, like that's like some good, like, what is that? Like wheat bread? Yeah. Yeah. It's a nice wheat bread.

I mean, Arby's gets like an eight. They do a great job. I love that. I feel like I have similar scores. I mean, my Quiznos bread thing, the jalapeno cheddar, I really enjoyed the white. Absolutely horrible. So I guess I'll go four. Um, and then Arby's, yeah, that wheat bread was surprisingly so good.

And also I got a beef and cheddar and that roll is great. My first time I were getting a beef and cheddar, it was great. So yeah, I'm going to go Arby's nine. Wow. I was the low score here. I feel like I should retcon my $7. No. I'll stick with it because that, that's the bread I experienced, especially that spicy

fish sandwich. Moving on to meat. Here's what I'll say. Not applicable veggie guacamole for Quiznos. The Southwood chicken, I think the chicken itself was pretty, was pretty tasty. So I'm going to give a seven. I'll give a six to Quiznos there. And Arby's, they have the meats.

I love that fish patty and fish qualifies as meat for our purposes and good quality turkey on that sandwich. Ten. Yeah. I think with meat, I think that Quiznos maybe has that same, I think it was more of the veggies, which we're going to get to in a second. But, um, the meat is, the meat is, is decent at Quiznos. I feel like you have that thing with the chicken where like you could probably taste

like the chicken that's been sitting in water, you know, the water chicken taste. Uh, but for me, it was pretty good wags and the Italian meats were pretty good too. So I'm going to go six for that as well. And then for Arby's, I'm going to go wags, they got the meats. Like you said, they got the meats. They, have they done that ever? Uh, I don't know. They got the meats.

They probably have. They've got the meats. They've done it. They've done it. I'm sure they've done it. They're geniuses over there. And that's why their meat gets a nine. Yeah, they would have done it.

That's why they need such a big hat. And their heads are so big. I put it on. I put the, I put the Arby's hat on the one on Sunset Boulevard. And you broke it. Jesus Christ. Sniping me. What did I do to you?

You said I drank piss. My meat score for Quiznos, as I said, the tuna salad was like just so bad and just a goop. And then the chicken, I will say, even though I really liked the Baja sandwich, the thing that was really working for it was like the cheese and the sauces and the bread. And I feel like the chicken itself had that kind of like, you know, that like translucent. It's almost like a hard translucent when it's just like chicken that you buy that like already cooked and just like can be used. It was that.

And so I was like, that's pretty gross. So I feel like for Quiznos, my meat score is like a three. Wow. And then for Arby's, I will say, this is my first time having a beef cheddar, beef cheddar. And when I took it out of the bag, my knee jerk, this truly, I did not think about this. This just came out of my mouth. I just went, ew, because the meat does look quite gross. I mean, I think I was just not expecting it.

And it's, it's so gray. It's like a little bit grayer than I normally like my food to be. It can be shiny. Sometimes it can look like a rainbow, like it can have like that little rainbow film on it. Totally. And there was like a lot of it. And I definitely was like, my favorite bites of it were when it was more cheddar sauce and thinner amounts of roast beef.

And then. Did you use any, did you use any horsey sauce? I, I used horsey sauce and I used the, as an RBQ or no, that's, that's the sandwich, the barbecue, the Arby sauce, the barbecue sauce. Yeah. Yeah. I put some Arby sauce on there. When we were in the drive-thru, we, we panicked because they asked us what sauce we wanted.

And, uh, Lucas very quickly was like, what, what's the sauce that they have? Is it like donkey sauce? And I was like, no, it's like some other animal. And then we were too scared to like guess and be wrong and be like. I love the guy. I love the guy. I love the guy that, the guy that drives through like overhearing you guys been like, is it donkey sauce?

I don't know. Like quietly. Just quietly panicked. Do heroes count? I don't know. But yeah, we were so scared that we would ask for horse sauce and that's not something that was real that we just asked for nothing. Um, and then we got Arby sauce.

And so we put some of that on there and it was good. But anyway, yeah, Arby's meat wise, I would say six. Fair. Six. I think, I think higher, but I think that's a fair score. DeAngelo, were you at the Sunset Arby's? Is that the one you went to too? Yeah.

Okay. Good to know. Which is like in a hell hole. Like it is like, it's one of the one, it is like, uh, this like, like it's, like it's above the 101 almost. Yeah. This like feels like it can't be good food, but it is good. It's very good.

The Arby's, I went to the Englewood Arby's and it's a, it's a great Arby's. They're, they're really, the food's really consistent. The service is great there, but it's in a strip mall that has an adult bookstore. Like one of those old school, just like Jack Shacks. Two for one for you, huh? I have thought of like, what if I just took a full bag of Arby's into the adult bookstore? How often does that happen? A bang bang for wigs.

Yeah. Yeah. I feel like, you know, you want an outskirts Arby. I'd love a sub, I'd love a suburbia Arby's. I feel like, and when I, hey, when I went with my mom, when I was back in Massachusetts, um, we're one of our, on our daily, uh, you know, one of our little day dates when we went out into the world, uh, it was, it was at, it was in, in Massachusetts. It was a drive and it was like super clean.

Our, like it felt super clean and it was, it was such a great experience. Oh, that sounds like a beautiful date. That's always Arby's for me, first date. Slash sausage, slash sausage, slash veggies. I did take, uh, Natalie and I did good Arby's early on when we were dating. That's right. I'll say this, Quizno's veggies were, were abhorrent. Uh, it was, it was like a, a, a pile of hose soaked leaves, but their sauces were pretty good.

I think their guacas decent and that Chipotle mayo was really tasty. So I'm going to say it averages out to a five as far as, and sausage not applicable. Arby's, I really like horsey sauce. I really like Arby's sauce. I'm not sure we're counting them, but the honey mustard I got, the honey mustard I got on my turkey and swiss sandwich was good. And, uh, you know, and I like that the tartar sauce and I like that. I'll call that fire roasted jalapenos sort of relish as something of a sauce.

I'll go, I'll go eight for Arby's. I think, I think, oh, and good veggies on both. I think both of them have good sauces. I think Arby's has some great sauces. Um, their sandwiches are well sauce. The tartar, the tartar sauce on the fish sandwich was great. Um, and then, you know, the Arby's sauce, the barbecue sauce, uh, the ranch, all of that's good.

And I think that I honestly think Quiznos has good sauce. I don't think it's as good as Arby's, but why? Cause like you said, the veggies at Quiznos are the downside. They tasted a day away from being not good. Uh, and like you could smell them, you know, when you can like smell lettuce from like a sub shop and you're like, ooh, that's what I had going on with Quiznos. It tasted fine, but it was like a day or two away. And then when I, when I put the Italian in the fridge, it just was not, not good.

Um, so it really brings their score down here. It's unfortunate for them. Uh, but I think I can't, I can't give it more than like, I can't, I almost don't want to give it a four just because of the veggies, but I'll give it, their sauces are good. So I'll give it a four and Arby's sauces and veggies. The veggies were way better. I'm going to give Arby's an eight.

Wow. Eight. Um, I agree. The Quiznos veggies, I really only had them on the tuna melt was like tomato and pickle and onion. And the pickle was so overpowering and just like not very exciting and felt like it was just like from the bottom of a normal jar. Uh, so, but the chipotle mayo on the Baja I did really like.

So I feel like it averages out to a four. And then, um, for Arby's, I was so pleasantly surprised by the lettuce and tomato on the sandwich. And then the sauces are really good. I agree. An eight. Wow. Okay.

That takes us, that takes us to messiness. And I do think this is where Quiznos shines. I'm going to give Quiznos a nine for messiness. My Southwest chicken was a little bit more contained, but my veggie guacamole was all over the place. And even the Southwest chicken was pretty, pretty messy, pretty sloppy. I could not have eaten either of these in the car. Arby's, I'll give Arby's a seven.

Seven's too high. I'll give it a six because I think the sandwiches were reasonably contained, although my spicy fish sandwich did fall apart a little bit. Mitch. Well, here's, here's the thing, D'Angelo, being messy is good in this, in this category. Yeah. I do, I do think that Quiznos is sloppy.

Um, but here's the thing. You get that, you get that beef and cheddar and you've got cheese all over the place that, you know, the King's, the King's fish sandwich. I was getting tartar sauce all over my fingers, which is disgusting to think about. Um, I, I think, I think that these are kind of closer to a wash than you think they are, but I'm going to go, um, I'm going to go for messiness. I'm going to go, uh, Quiznos seven and Arby's a six.

Very close though. Um, I, I didn't really have that much of an issue with them. Falling all over the place and making a big mess. Would you eat your meal like an adult? Yeah. What the hell's going on here? What's your problem? I mean, sure.

The beef and cheddar was like a little goopy, but just a little bit of cheese coming out, but I kept it wrapped up in the thing as I was eating it. You know what, D'Angelo, it's people like you who don't take it seriously is the reason why we cut things like dunk ability and blow factor. Oh my God. Wait, I didn't even talk about my little buddy. The whole impetus for the, my change. Oh, that's right.

Your little buddy. I got a buffalo chicken slider and it was great from Arby. You know what? I had one of those the first time we went and it was also great. You know what? It could be a little buddy. It could be a little sidekick. It should be a little buddy.

He's just there to root on the big boys. You know, it would work as a mascot or you could do a little, little league world subbies and it's all sliders. That's cute. Are you, are you trying to tell us to do another tournament? Yeah. What's next year's? Just follow it.

Go straight into a little league world subbies. But yeah, messiness. I mean, I really, I'm so sorry to say, I just really can't be bothered to decide. Eighths around. I don't know. That brings us to overall sub-slash theme. I do like Quiznos colorway. I do think they're, they're, it's toasted gimmick.

Toasty is very clear. Toasty. We got the subs. Very straight forward. They do a good job with it. Very funny, funny stuff. But I just think like overall it's just not a great sandwich anymore. That again, lands me, I think at a five.

Arby's 10. It does, it's doing everything right. The hatch great, the logo's great. The name is great. They deliver on the promise of the premise. It's Arby's a fucking home run. Nine for Arby's, seven for Quiznos. I'm just going to put it right out there.

Wow. Overall. Well, look, actually that's not fair because it's overall sub-slash theme. So Quiznos is a little lower. Nine for Arby's, six for Quiznos. I went in here being like, Quiznos, I was going to be like, Arby's gets too much love and I left being like Arby's rules. Oh yeah.

Quiznos though I think is better than you give it credit for wise. I'm sorry you had a bad experience. Oh yeah, every Chan has a bad day. Maybe Vermont has a good one. Every podcast has a bad episode. Yeah, not us. Some have hundreds. All right, what's your damn score on the overall sub-slash theme?

I agree that Quiznos, like the gimmick of just like it all being toasted is fun. But at the same time, it's like, if it's just going to be that simple, then I feel like you should be doing it very, very well. And I feel like they're just doing it fine. Yeah. So I feel like Quiznos gets a five from me and Arby's, I agree, a 10. Wow. I loved it.

I've been thinking about it so much. I passed it today and I was like, I want to go again. Yeah. I wanted to cancel. I saw you. I yelled at you for cutting me in line. I remember. And I was like, I'm just driving.

I cut you off before you could even pass it. I agree. Arby's look, we know where we're headed here. It's just the final question. Yeah, it's a foregoing conclusion. Would you give it to Jared? No for Arby's. He doesn't deserve it.

And hell, I'd put Jared through the little toaster oven at fucking Quiznos and you don't get to touch the sandwich piece of shit. So no for both for Jared. He continues this streak of not getting a sandwich from me. He's going through the subway. He's going through the Quiznos oven and be like, ah, at least I'm being toasted in the subway oven.

It's like, it's not even that. It's like, ah, this is so cool. Oh no, it's hotter. You know what? Maybe that sick fuck deserves Quiznos. Yeah, because he's like, I was the subway guy and he says, it doesn't matter anymore. Your piece of shit.

Anyways, no for both. And he's fatten up with his Quiznos, you freak. I also would not give Arby's to Jared because he doesn't deserve it. And I don't think I would give him Quiznos either, but only because I feel like it would be cost prohibitive to ship it to Italy. That brings us to our decision. Which of these, Mitch, is going to be the sub that's crowned and let everyone know where this is going?

All right. So this year, Jen, you know, we've sent it to Aliens. We've sent to like burgers to Aliens. I think it was pizza to Aliens. I forget. Burgers to Aliens. It was burgers to Aliens. What an insane thing to just say so normally.

We've sent burgers to Aliens. Maybe it was pizzas, I don't know. This was the Jess McKenna rule, right? Didn't she create this rule? You're a good friend. You were traveling around the world with recently on a super spreader vacation. And so I'm going to Flora for a bachelor party soon. I can't talk.

So this year, we're going to send some hoagies to Rogi. Joe Rogan is getting the subs and hopefully it changes his mind on the coronavirus. He gets vaccinated so that when he takes his trips with you and McKenna to Italy, he's good to go. So would you say that you got to say the one that you want to send to Rogan to change his mind about coronavirus or to have him stand strong, we'll count down from three.

You say the winner you want to continue on in the tournament. What? So the idea is like, what is the platonic ideal of a sandwich? What is the best version of a sandwich? So we're going to say like, hey, Rogan, will you agree to our terms that if this sandwich is good enough, you'll change your mind in the COVID vaccine? Got it. And he assumed he said yes to that.

So we're going to say, what's going to give us our best shot of changing his mind? Or emboldening his stance? Yes. So you're going to just say the winner when we count down from three. And that's also a reminder to you, Mitch, because you oftentimes say the wrong one. So you're going to say which one you want to win. I'm going to say the right one. Are we saying the chain or the specific sandwich?

The chain. The chain that we want to win. The chain that has the sandwich that we think would win. I've got to say this. This is going on to the championship? This one is a semi-soft final. So this will go on in the championship to face against the other finalists, Jersey Mike's versus Arby's versus the TBD winner of Fat Chance Kitchen,

Salad Days Aren't Over. That will be the triple treat match in the finale, the live finale, which you can find at headgum.com slash live tickets tour with Don't Stop or We'll Die on March 29th. That's a Tuesday at 9 p.m. Eastern. Here we go. Three. Here we go.

Two. One. Arby's. Arby's. It is unanimous. Anonymous Arby's moving on. Wow. Jersey Mike's.

Arby's. Who will reign supreme? Goodbye, Quiznos. We'll find out at the championship. Goodbye, Quiznos. A noble effort here in the substitution. You did yourself proud, but unfortunately it wasn't enough to get over the Raffle Brothers and their signature menu.

We'll take a break. We'll be right back with more Doughboys. Hey, you. Be craving fresh, delicious, easy meals, try wild grain and get their Bake From Frozen sourdough breads, fresh pastas, and artisanal pastries delivered right to your door. That's right, Wags. Wild grain is the first ever Bake From Frozen subscription box

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Plus, for every new member, wild grain donates six meals to the greater Boston Food Bank Wags, Boston Baby, so you can eat good and do good all at the same time. All you have to do is sign up at wildgrain.com-doughboys and choose which type of box you want to receive and how often. It's easy to reschedule, skip, or cancel. Plus, for a limited time, you can get $30 off the first box, plus free croissants in every box.

When you go to wildgrain.com-doughboys to start your subscription. You heard me, free croissants in every box and $30 off your first box when you go to wildgrain.com-doughboys. That's wildgrain.com-doughboys, or you can use promo code DOEBOYS at checkout. Do it. Welcome back to DOEBOYS. We're here with our guest, Jen D'Angelo.

Jen, thanks for hanging in there. Thanks for your judgment. And you know... Why, has anyone ever told you, like Arby's, you got the meat, too? You ever think about that? How you got the meat? You got a big hug? You got a big hug? Okay, all right. You know, all much long, we've got experts joining with us to determine... Just look, Emma, hey, come back from break again.

We'll start here. Just edit all this out. No! Welcome back to DOEBOYS. Here are their guests, Jen D'Angelo. You know, all much long, we've got experts joining in to help us determine what makes a good sandwich. And right now, we are thrilled to welcome our Pickle Correspondents.

Wow. Because as we know, we are in a pickle this month. The Deli Boys, David Phillips and Evan Susser. Wow. Welcome to the pod. Thank you both for being here. The Deli Boys are back. The Deli Boys are united. The Deli Boys are back. We're back, baby.

Reunited. It's great to be here, and we are thrilled to talk Pickles with you and be your Pickle Correspondent. Yeah. We should clarify something real quick because you have two statuses here on the DOEBOYS podcast, Susser. And, well, several statuses. But you are, yeah, it's okay.

Three statuses here on the DOEBOYS podcast. You are not here in your capacity as tournament commissioner currently. Correct. You got your, you're not wearing the suit. You're wearing a polo shirt, it appears. You're here as one of the Deli Boys. Yes. And it seems like you are broadcasting from one of the offices

that the agents take Neo into in the Matrix. Is that correct? Yeah, that's correct. And then, Phillips, it looks like you come from the set of Twin Peaks, I believe. And you both sound like you're in a submarine. But Suss, please explain, please explain what you're here. You're not, you have no thoughts as a commissioner. You're just here for Pickles.

Yeah, you're not here to issue decrees as you did earlier in the podcast via deputy commissioner U-Song. You are here to just, we're just gonna chat. We're just gonna chit chat about Pickles. And here's a Pickle question to start things off. Well, hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. I'm sorry. Okay. We've appeared on this podcast before together. Uh-huh. And if you remember, we had some terms when we did that. Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah.

I'm remembering this now. Yeah. David, do you want to explain? Jesus Christ. I think we can't, in good conscience, continue as Pickle correspondents so we get the paperwork out of the way. So we did have our associate drop off some contracts at Mitch's house. Mitch, can you please...

Is it at my front door? Yeah. But where, how often do we get you these? Wow. These are great documents. Oh my God. He couldn't even pick up crackers and now he has to stand up. Standing in walking through the front door watching this on his camera.

This would be a great time to get into Pickle talk. But unfortunately, we do need to wait until the contract is signed so we can't. So let's just sit and wait until Mitch comes back. All right. Great. Mitch has returned. It looks like he has a Manila envelope of some sort, a file folder, and he is going to bring it back.

Jen, before, you know, I know the Deli boys aren't going to comment on... But do you have any preferences as our guest? I mean, I love f*** a lot. Oh yeah. And so... Unfortunately, we're going to have to bleep that out as well. We kind of stand out on Pickle talk. Emma, you know how we like to operate.

If you could bleep that out. Yeah, yeah, I got the bleep ready. DP, you're a fan of Pickle so much that your microphone is a Pickle jar connected to the computer with a string. Is that correct? Again, I can't comment on my fan. But I can say that that is my microphone. Okay, here we go.

To Mike Mitchell, president of Doe Boys Media. That's what I got here. Wow. envelope held together with a little paper clip. And here's a contract inside also held together with a paper clip. Deli boys season three agreement is how it is titled. Deli boys season three agreement. This agreement is entered into by and between Doe Boys Media here and after

sometimes referred to as party one and Evan Susser and David Phillips here and after sometimes referred to as party two who intend to play it. If you're going to present a lengthy legal document to one of us to read aloud, why did you choose Mitch? I think you live too far away. Okay. Also, don't know your address. Never been invited over.

Another issue. Okay. Who is here in part two who intend to produce a season three of their show Deli boys here and after sometimes were true as quote unquote show and our desire is of a and a desire is of establishing all their rights and obligations in and to said work. Okay. Should I keep going?

Here we go. Now, therefore, in consideration of the execution of this agreement and the undertakings of the parties as hereafter set forth, it is agreed as follows. One, party two will make an appearance on party ones podcast known as Doe Boys here and after sometimes referred to as show two. That's bullshit. So you're saying you guys want to, you guys want to guest on Doe Boys. That's what we're doing it now.

Okay. As pickle correspondence. This is part of it. Internment of Chompings. Okay. Munch Mattis 2022 heroes journey. Yes. Sub optimal in exchange.

A. That's where I get. Yep. A. Party one will pay party to the standard guest appearance fee. B. Okay. That's fine. We'll pay you that.

The standard guests appeal. This is going to go very smoothly then. I'm glad we're already on dessert. B. Party one will refer to party two as the deli boys of deli boys season three. No less than five times during their appearance. Okay. Let me write that copy down for my own reference.

The deli boys of deli boys season three of deli boys season three. Yeah. That seems achievable. All right. Wags is writing it down. Here we go. Do we each is that five times? It can be collectively.

Okay. Okay. Okay. I can do both of these. Are these count with the ones we've already said aloud? The first one just counted. Okay. All right.

Great. C. Party one will host party two's premiere episode of season three on party one's main feed. Hereafter referred to as headgum's ad supported feed. Not party one's patron feed here and referred to as the as expensive as Hulu feed. This is going to be a wait. Look, if we do this, it's going to be what happened with the breadcast all over again. When we thought we'd like, Hey, here's a free episode for everyone to listen to.

And then everyone complained like when that you two albums showed up on their. You'll see that gets that gets addressed. That gets addressed later in the contract. Okay. Okay. C. Party one will book party to quote unquote top tier guest for season three. Top tier here and after is defined as never having a UCB performer page. I mean, they created some for some people who really didn't have much of a presence there.

So that's not casting a wide net. You can be claimed by UCB. We're not allowing it. We're going to have off the table. Ham doesn't nullify. Well, yeah. How about Louis Louis CK gone? He can't be on there.

I think he was on the former page. I think he had a page. He's in Italy. He's in Italy. And the only reason we won't have Louis on is because he's been connected to UCB. Fair. Wow. Fair enough.

E party one will text party to once a week to make sure they actually make season three. So we have to text you guys to make the show. Yeah, you know, we've been meaning to do it and we've kind of been putting it off. So it would be nice to just get some reminders that we've been texting. Haven't been enough. Yeah, I've got it. So we're just waiting. That's part that's coming from us to you.

Yeah. Yeah. Once a week for how long until it's accomplished. Okay. Sounds like indefinitely. Very open-ended. Okay. Now we're going on to four or part four of this, which is kind of confusing because

it's part one, A, B, C, D, E, and then it's part four. But anyways, party one agrees to pay Emma Erdbrink her full fee to engineer in bleep words in part four, party two. All right. So now it's starting to get a little tricky. Can I get a per bleep rate? Jesus Christ. We're all for you to get a per bleep rate.

Well, it's going on your main feed. I don't understand why you wouldn't pay her. Well, of course you pay her. Yeah, exactly. And this is reasonable. I don't get paid. I do this for free. This is just for fun.

Yeah. She gets Mitch Bucks. She gets UCB class credit. But not for the Deli boys. You get paid for the Deli boys. That's right. D'Angelo, you have any thoughts on this bullshit? Or are you napping?

I stopped listening. D'Angelo's doing, D'Angelo's writing a script. All right. Five, party one agrees to give party twos wives. Oh my God. Party one agrees to give party twos wives full free access to their as expensive as Hulu feed. So you want us to give your wives the Patreon for free,

basically is what you're saying. That I think is a deal breaker because there's just not a, Patreon doesn't even allow gift subscriptions. So there's not a technical way to accomplish that. I think there's a little work around. I think you could Venmo me and Evan the Fee for it and we'll then pay. All right.

Well, if you want to get the contract amended, we could maybe, we can maybe figure that out. And to clarify, this really only applies to David. My wife has no interest in listening. Okay. Got it. It's true. But for the negotiation purposes, we thought we'd want to,

you know, ask for more. Can we just give you, can we just give you $60 a year? Go ahead, Jen. Go ahead. What do you want to add onto this? Well, can I just have Susser's spousal free one for Luke? She can have it. All right.

Sure. Jen D'Angelo. Great. All right. Six. Party one shall pay current guests and noted screenwriter Jen D'Angelo here and after refer to as party three to be party twos onset punch up writer and consultant for all future

recordings. Their rate will be equal to either the rate for their work on tomorrow war or party ones. Mike Mitchell's rate for his work on tomorrow war. No. Why not? Wow. I'm on.

Well, first of all, sadly, they're both probably affordable. Both of our rates. Yeah, I will say. Well, that's, we were wondering if we could get into that on air and maybe we could compare about who had the better rate and just lock this down for the listeners. You guys might prefer Emma's bleep rate, honestly. You can just give you that.

I have a pretty high bleep rate. Yeah. She's doing well for herself. She's the best. And let's just say that I luckily stumbled into a little something called the Theo Vaughn rate. Thank you very much. So.

Well, yeah. Well, I think that we just felt that, you know, doing a podcast, we, you know, you need someone pitching you stuff. I mean, you listen to a podcast that don't have punch up writers like this one and you can tell. Yeah, you can really tell. Jesus Christ. If that makes any sense, we want to do what?

Sure. No, I can. I can tell that you don't want to do anything from reading this. So question makes it makes me question why you do you want to do. Anyways, I'll keep going. Seven. For the fan.

For the fan. That's right. The fans. Sure. I forgot about that aspect. David, how is, how is James Cameron doing down there in the ocean's deepest trench? The Mariana trench, you mean?

That's right. See, well, look, there's the punch up. That's the punch up you get with the Angelo. Yeah. Specifics help. That's great. David, have you seen any of the Megs? That's usually where they live.

Any of the Megs, the one Meg movie? No, the sharks, all the Megs are down there. Yeah. There's more than one Meg. Okay. All right. Fair enough. There's more here.

I think hopefully there's no other page. There's not. There's another copy. Number seven party one agrees to denounce anyone who is unhappy with or dislike season three of deli boys and also make a public statement referring to all deli boys critics as anti-Semitic. Wow. Yeah.

So, you know, this is where you were getting to the breadcast issue. No one's going to complain about this because, you know, you guys are going to be out there saying that anyone who's not happy about the deli boys appearing on the dub voice feeds anti-Semitic. Right. Couldn't play that car with Saunders. I think you guys have just taught me that I am anti-Semitic

through all of this. Jesus Christ. Oh my God. Well, that is sort of our goal. It's just sort of to help people realize their true potential and see themselves for who they are. And by the way, while we're on the topic, don't think, you know, I was listening in before.

Is this what you guys find funny? Is joking about putting people into ovens? This is the kind of humor. It was Jared. Into the toaster oven of Quiznos. Jared. He looks Jewish. I don't know if he is.

Yeah. I think Fogel. We're going to meet you. Are we claiming Jared? Yeah. You know what? You might not want to. Why is going to test this?

I was just at the intolerance museum just recently with my mom and sister. You said it again. You said intolerance museum. You were at the tolerance museum. I was just recently at the tolerance museum with my mom and sister. Talk about a third wheel.

Clearly it gave you some ideas. Now this is interesting. Michael, your sister's cock blocking me. I was just at the tolerance museum. Why do I think it's intolerance? It feels like that's what you want to do. That's what you practice. That's the nickname for your new apartment.

I made that mistake. I will never make that mistake ever again. Here we go. Yes. I'm looking at Jew or not Jew.com and it says Jared Fogel. It's unclear as to whether Jared Fogel is Jewish. So. Oh, that's good to know.

I searched for Jared Fogel Jewish and that was the top result on Microsoft Bing. Let me check Wikipedia real quick. Maybe listen to all the Hanukkah songs really quickly. Here we go. The Sandler Mansion. Yeah, that's the only way to know. Oh boy, here we go.

He was raised in a Jewish home. He had a bar mitzvah wall on a trip to Israel and then was confirmed by his conservative reconstructionist synagogue. Sounds pretty Jewish. Unfortunately, I think you guys, I think he's Jewish. Luckily for us, we don't talk about Israel. It does sound like we don't really have to go to Jared. That's the Deli Boyz policy.

Cross the board. Dear Lord. All right. Party number eight. This is the last item. Party one designates its president, Michael Dunovan Mitchell to sign on behalf of Doe Boys Media and Jen D'Angelo. Wow.

Yet you included two copies still. I guess one for me to keep. It's signed by the Deli Boys and the signature by the Deli Boys. I don't know if you guys signed that together and there's a line for me to sign it dated this blank day of blank 20, 22. And I have to sign my name. Why are we agreeing to this? There's also a return envelope.

Evan and David Deli Boys. And it says an address that I won't say. Yeah. A certain building. You're off your shared office. It seems like the summation of deal points here is that there's a Deli Boys season three that we are paying for and that we are putting in our main feed.

And we'd have to agree to that in order for the two of you to agree to be our pickle correspondence. That's basically what's going on here. I'm going to say we don't agree to that. So I think you guys can't be our pickle correspondence. Yeah, I think that's it. That's it. Yeah, I'm sorry.

I think the segment's over. I think the segment's over, but we can talk with Jen D'Angelo about pickles. Wait. Hold on a second. In fact... I'm sorry. You guys...

Hold on a second. In fact, I just want to show you right here. Here's the contract. I am ripping the contract into... Let's just rip the contract up. Oh my God. Wow. Wait, so what would this mean?

This means that only I talk about pickles? Yeah, you can talk about pickles. Yeah. Okay. Well, what if I side with the Deli Boys? What? You said it with the Deli Boys? Yeah.

You meant it to me. I did, though. I want to work on season three of the Deli Boys. I will not talk about pickles until you take that contract back together and sign it. Wow. This is solidarity action. I hope you have another one. There is another one.

Wow. But instead, I'm going to end the pickle segment and say... Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap.

Crap. Crap. Yeah, I'll take a d*** over a b***. And I also like a... I do like a b***. It's fun. That's fun. Again, I'm sorry.

You will have to bleep that, Emma. Okay. That whole... We can't give our own thoughts on pickles? No. I mean... Wow. I'm putting to not have any sanctions real pickle experts weigh in.

Well... And try and play them. This is like, you know... I mean, look, I just think that it's not your place to talk about pickles. Okay. Sure. All right. Fair enough.

That's fine. I'm impressed that David was able to attach a webcam to a Nintendo DS. That's just... That's actually probably better technology than what I am using. At Jewish Deli, sometimes there's like some that taste a little more b*** than other ones, but I guess I can't get any insight from our Pickle Correspondents or D'Angelo. All three of them will chime in. Sign a quick sign of the paper and we'll happily weigh in just a few words.

Yeah, unfortunately. Unfortunately, it's not going to happen. The Deli boys. Yeah. David Phillips, Evan Susser. Thanks so much for being here. Bye, guys. Look for Deli Boy Season 3 possibly somewhere else.

Hey, just like a restaurant about your feedback, let's open up the feedback. And today we have an email... You know what? The Deli boys can stick around. You don't have to talk about... Unless the question's about pickles, you can help us answer this question here. We're going to find out if the question is pickle related, then maybe they'll have to get out of here.

I can help with the feedback. Today's email is from Curtis from Chicago. Curtis writes, Happy Munch Madness. Love you all. The new season of Survivor just premiered and often when I think of Survivor, that's the phrasing, I think about the diet or lack thereof of the contestants. If you were on Survivor, what would be your first fast food excursion upon returning to the real world?

What foods would you miss the most? Wow. I have insight. Probably a bag of rice. After you're off the island? Yeah, you're addicted to it. That makes sense. You can't quit.

I think David's on the Survivor Island now to explain this connection. He's on that one where they banish people to that side island. I feel like I have to give a tale of caution before people answer this, because are you guys Survivor fans? Am I the only Survivor? Phillips is. We have a... I am a huge Survivor fan.

I know. This is crazy. Twenty seasons in the last six months. Oh my God. Amazing. You know about the man Joe, who ate too much meat on a reward and got so constipated he had to be medically taken out of the show. Jesus.

Okay, so this is my word of caution. When you come back, you don't want to just dive right in, because you'll wind up getting so constipated that you need to be seen by a doctor. Wow. Wow. There's also been the immediate getting hugely sick and throwing up after eating on a challenge. Yeah. It's really bad either way.

Again, we're going to have to believe everything I've said, but... Well, it's not pickle related, so I think it's okay. Yeah. I'm going to say... Hey, I might still sign the contract after the fact. Go ahead, Wags. I was... The first thing I'll say, and this sounds like a stealth brag, but it's not, but I did run

a marathon once in my life when I was 22 years old, I ran the LA Marathon. And the meal I wanted immediately afterwards was McDonald's. And so I got a McDonald's Big Mac meal, and I got myself an Eminem McFlurry and a Coke Heavy, and it was one of the best meals of my life. It was so satisfying. I was so hungry, and it was exactly what I wanted. Wags, you got my answer, a Big Mac meal, large with a Coke. How can you beat that?

Yeah. It's kind of perfect, but to Jen's point, and to David's point about just part of it is reintegrating your digestive tract into eating real foods again after subsisting off of all the island leavings. I would consider it like a big bowl of pho. I think that would probably be like, oh, it's a big nourishing soup with a bunch of nutrients, and it's also like taste good as hell. I think that could be very, very satisfying, like a pho bavien with some meatballs.

Or I guess I do like a pho ga with chicken right now because I'm not eating red meat. David, Evan, any favorite foods you'd like to get right after an island getaway? Just hold up. You both have said Big Mac. Uh-huh. I'm going to Big Mac. We'll do the ingredients. We'll do the ingredients.

The two patties. Oh, shit. You got yourself some cheese. There's lettuce. There's onions. Hold the pickles. There's onions. Hold the pickles.

Special sauce, and there's a sesame seed on. I think that's everything. Did you say hold the pickles very quietly? No, no, no, no. No. Um, well, that's going to be a problem. We'll be hearing from our lawyers. Jesus Christ.

I don't know what I would get. I wouldn't go on Survivor in a million years. I wouldn't go on Survivor in a million years. I wouldn't go on Survivor in a million years. I wouldn't go on Survivor in a million years. Are you out of your mind? I don't know what they even know. They know I'm having smokers.

I wouldn't go on Survivor in a million years. I wouldn't go on Survivor in a million years. I wouldn't go on Survivor in a million years. I can't even contemplate what I would get. How dare you. We're all going on Survivor together. I would potentially go on. Theorn.

The very boys on together. Wow! And then I'd probably have more slop after getting off out of Big Brother. It'll be a- I think maybe we could do a themed season where the deli boys and dough boys both end up on Survivor, and Jen is there of course as well. Wow, yeah.

Um… I flip between the two alliances. I like that a lot. I'm trying to imagine how sus are we the only guy on the island with like a rice stain on his shirt. I'm trying to see how you can pull that off. You know what? We're not intolerant of the- We're very tolerant of the deli boys.

We love them. We love the deli boys. And you know- And that was- You know what? That was a good question too. D'Angelo, I guess you didn't answer. I think-

I was going to say a spicy drink and sandwich from Wendy's. Yeah, I'm right there with you. Great answer. But I think McDonald's- Just because like the Wendy's fries are always like so hit or miss and I feel like McDonald's meal would just be, yeah, so satisfying. But I would go the two cheeseburger meal. That's my- Oh, that's a good meal.

There's something very American about- Which also has the forbidden fruit of the pickle. I maybe would do an Italian dinner. Something about it. Oh, that's good. Oh, that's fun. Chicken parm or something. Oh, chicken parm, yeah.

That's good. They definitely- The other thing that they do on Survivor is they make really bad versions of the food that you're- It looks really bad, but they obviously are very excited about it. Like, they have pizza in the Philippines. And it's like, give them local food that's really good. There's no way it's a pizza, but it's like, you know, craving pizza. So I think pizza would actually be close.

Pizza? Based on their reaction to it. Yeah. A really good slice of pizza looks pretty like the perfect thing to have, because of the bread. Yeah, I feel like you would also be craving like some- Well, I guess rice, you get some carbs, but I'd want like a big cheesy, greasy pizza. Sounds good now. With just a bunch of **** on it.

Unfortunately, I can't explain that. How about a scoop of ice cream? I wouldn't mind a scoop of ice cream. Pretty good. I feel like a scoop of ice cream on a very empty stomach. I think you're going to be regretting that real fast. Yeah, sure. That's a good point.

That's fair. You know what? Maybe I just go with a big old ****, just a big giant, like a big coaster. No, no, no, no, no. Let us know what you would pick. Hashtag survivor saver. And if you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at donboyspodcast.gmail.com

Or leave us a voicemail at 830 Godot. That's 830-46-36-844. If you didn't use all much along in the Doughboys Double, our weekly bonus episode, you can join the Golden or Platinum Play Club at patreon.com slash Doughboys. And be sure to join us for our live finale this coming Tuesday. Wow. The 29th at 9 p.m. Eastern with special guests.

Don't stop or we'll die. Michael Cassidy and Paul Rust. And will there be appears from the commissioner? We might get the commissioner. We're going to see. We're going to find out. There will hopefully be some surprises. There's going to be another special guest too.

Please don't forget. Oh, of course. If our beans has advanced, so does its little buddy, the Buffalo Chicken Slider. Wow. That's right. The little mascot, the Buffalo Chicken Slider. All kinds of surprises.

It'll all be there. Check it out. Go to D'AngeloRule.com slash Doughboys. Or head come dot com slash live. Jen D'Angelo, our guest. Thank you so much for joining us. What an episode. What an absolute delight.

Thank you. Thanks for sitting through all that. Anything you would like to plug it this time? You know, I don't really have much to plug. I just want to say thank you so much for having me for the duration of the Batman. Deli boys. You know what, just like the Batman,

our last hour really sucked. Really dragged. Made you just like the first two hours. David, Evan, anything you'd like to plug? Well, obviously we would like to plug something, but if we sign the contract, we probably can't. All right, great. Stay safe out there on the International Space Station.

And hey, that'll do it for this episode of Doughboys. Until next time, for Mr. Slice of Bread, Mike Mitchell, I'm Nick Weigher. Happy eating. See ya. The Munch Madness finale is coming, and you can watch live. Join us Tuesday, March 29th at 9 p.m.

Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific for a live digital experience featuring guests don't stop or will die, aka Michael Daniel Cassidy and Paul Rust. Be the first to see which sandwich chain wins the Dave Thomas Cup. Get your tickets at momenthouse.com slash Doughboys. That's momenthouse.com slash Doughboys.