Doughboys - Munch Madness X: In-N-Out Burger VS Handel's with Jason Mantzoukas and Paul Scheer

Episode Date: March 13, 2025

Jason Mantzoukas and Paul Scheer (@paulscheer) of How Did This Get Made? join the 'boys to talk burger chains, sweet treats, and the "Comclave" before tackling the Baby Bitch region of Munch Madness X: The Tournament of Tournament of Chompions of Chompions.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to youtube.com slash doughboys media. Mitch, when it comes to grocery shopping, I've got this problem. I want to eat healthier. I don't have time to shop for groceries and I got special dietary needs that are tough to stay on top of. Well that all changed thanks to Hungry Root.

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That's hungryroot.com slash doughboys, code doughboys to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Hungryroot.com slash doughboys, code doughboys. Do it. Previously on Doughboys. I said we need to get Dairy Queen today. You said you- Well, here's, okay, we're taking down the curtain.

Yeah. Weiger said, look, handles is so much better than Dairy Queen. Yes. It clearly would have won. Yes. Let's just get Dairy Queen out of there. DQ Dairy Queen. It clearly would have won. Let's just get Dairy Queen out of there. DQ Dairy Queen.

DQ is DQ. That's why, Mitch, you wouldn't stand for it. No, you wouldn't. I wouldn't stand for it. This is the 10th, this is the tournament of tournament of champions of champions. That's right. And I would not stand for not having us taste

every little bit of food that we have to. I like that we did it. I think it was good to try it. And I think that there's a clear winner. Should we, should we do a countdown? Three, two, one. Handles. I'm kidding. I would have said it.

A handles is my answer. 1945, an Ohio housewife opens a Youngstown ice cream parlor using her own fresh picked fruit, churning its sweet cream batches in house. 1948, a young couple that relocated to California opens a burger joint with a pioneering car culture innovation, the first ever drive-thru. Two chains with storied histories and strong regional allegiances beloved for their still-made fresh-in-house fare and their frozen-in-time aesthetics and menus. With both now expanding well beyond their original service areas, can they continue to scale up without losing their homespun charm? Burgers, ice cream, a matchup close to one Doughboy's heart

and substances that clog both Doughboy's hearts. The original Munch Madness champion against the newest member of the Platinum Plate Club. Who will emerge and continue on the rocky road to chain restaurant immortality? This week on Doughboy's, the quarter-pounder finals round of Munch Madness 10, MMX, the Tournament of Tournament Champions, continues with... the Baby Bitch region. 2016

Champion In-N-Out Burger versus 2021 Champion Replacement Handles. Ring the bell! I'm going to go to hell. Welcome to Dope Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Tiger Weiger, along with my co-host, Academy Award winning director, Sean Baker's Dozen, the spoonoon Man Mike Mitchell. Ah! Wow, wow. Okay, that's good. Thought of this while watching the Oscars. Would love to hear y'all's thoughts on this year's ceremony.

I like that they took us really through the thought process and how this one came up. Wait, and now they're asking us to do work? Uh, barely. Our thoughts? Joel from Dallas wants our thoughts. Roastitbirdfuck.com. I didn't watch the Oscars, but I thought as far as the-

You didn't watch them, you didn't watch anything. I didn't watch them, but I like as far as like who got what awards. You watched the Spirit Awards exclusively. Yes, yeah. That's all you watched. So that's just because you're going up and down Venice Beach with a metal detector.

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. These celebrities drop some of their stuff out there. I'm genuinely shocked you're not a metal detector guy. Or does it just constantly register you? Are you in... Is it just constantly finding you? Are you finding, and have you ever collected or found any precious metals?

No, I have a little bit of silver, look. But, yeah, I don't know. I don't know, I could, maybe later in life... He is a train guy. I'm a train guy. He knows, we love the choo choo. And later in life, I could see myself being a metal detector guy.

I do like finding things. Start now. No, you know what? I'm gonna imagine that you're gonna be one of those guys at that Disney museum here in Los Angeles, where you have like, you're a grown man who rides on a small train. Have you seen this?

Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is like a thing. What is this? All right, so it's the Walt Disney train. Like it's where he kept his trains and they're basically like- Where Walt Disney kept his personal train? Yes, but they're, but they are like-

Like train sets? Like- No, it's hard to describe. What Disney almost, I mean, that's his plan for Disney was the, was Griffith Park, basically. It's like go-kart size. His plan for Disney was to just have a park? Was to be Griffith.

Was Griffith. Because it was right there. Mitch, are you OK? We are one minute in, and Mitch is donezo. We might as well be a bit. I wanted to. I was trying to help out and back up all year. I appreciate that.

Now you got to. But you had nothing. You had no fact. I just know that he wanted Disneyland to be in Griffith Park. Yes. And so what he kind of created were these go-kart size trains. So what you have is a lot of people who are

enthusiasts, hobbyists, but adult, a lot of older people just riding alone on a train with multiple cars. And it did, and they just go around this like one little circle where he's built this train, and the kids are doing it. He's loving this idea.

He loves it. Have you been there? I haven't, but I'll go. I'm gonna tell you where it is. By the time it happens, Weiger will be covered in tattoos. He'll be all tatted up, out there riding a Chichu alone.

They should only all be tiger tattoos, I feel like, because to keep the name Tiger Weiger, you should only get tiger tattoos. Have you seen it? Oh, yeah. Yeah, like, it's like Jesus on the cross, but it's a tiger, like, stuff like that. Like Danny Trejo's big tattoos, you know, like, it's like a big tiger here.

I would like you to do a, like, a gritty, like a Joker 2 version of Tony the Tiger. I'm like, they're great. Yeah. There's also different kinds of, ooh, it would also be cool if you had, like, tiger stripes. Not just the area of the tiger, but certain areas.

That is going into an insane man's territory. Oh, really? Have you seen 3D tattoos? You can get those, too. Wait, really? Oh, 3D tattoos are wild. I've seen it, and I've also seen where they have glitter in them. Or they appear to have glitter in them. Oh, wow. 3D tattoos will wild. I've seen it and I've also seen where they have glitter

in them or they appear to have glitter in them. 3D tattoos will blow your mind because it's just the perspective but it looks like a piece of your skin is missing. Oh wait, I've seen things like that. I feel like the thing we're gonna see in the future. Could you get a hog 3D tattoo? You can make it bigger, you can make it seem bigger.

That's all that matters. The person who's looking at it has to be in a very specific position. You have to shave off all your pubic hair, and then you basically create a giant train tunnel. So it really does. Like, you are creating this. I've only saw the front of it.

If you move a fraction of an inch, it appears to disappear. So I have to have someone over there and I have to go like, here, stand in that taped circle. Do you see your mark? Your mark is there. I'll be over here. You're going to like what you see. I know they're making that taped circle. Do you see your mark? Your mark is there. I'll be over here.

You're going to like what you see. I know they're making an American Psycho sequel. That would be a great moment to make his people stand in circles, like, for him to see. But that would be a great way to kill somebody. That's what we're here to do. Pitch on the American Psycho reboot, right? Get that Zag card ready.

Come on. Wait, for the American Psycho reboot? Come on. Come on for the American Psycho-Ring? Come on, yeah. Come on, Bateman Jr. Come on, Patrick Bateman Jr. All right, so you're not a metal detector guy. No, I'm not. Hey, I'll give you credit.

Metal detector, anthrax, Primus, you can detect that sort of metal. That's right. I wouldn't call Primus a metal band. In fact, they'd say metal detector's not going off for Primus. OK, all right. Yeah, that's seed.

There we go. You would definitely not go off for Primus. Okay, all right, yeah, that's Steve. There we go. You just keep, it would definitely not go off for Primus. Get it together. I'm sorry. Those are your two biggest heavy metal bands? What on earth? Andrew, why would you name three heavy metal bands? Tool?

Tool, no! I don't think of, do you think of Tool as an metal band? Kind of. It's kind of tricky to be like, cause there's a lot of like weird metal too, like poison was like heavy metal, but they're not heavy metal. They're like hair metal, yeah. Hair metal, it's like metal to be like metal because there's a lot of like weird metal to like Poison was like heavy metal, but they're not heavy metal metal. Yeah hair metal metal. What's a straight metal? I mean Metallica's opposed to down the middle mega death. Yeah, Judas pretty sure Ozzy Osborne. What's the name? Okay. All right fair enough. Yeah, see that's what he is. We're doing that's what we're doing here today, right?

You were deciding who's drilling down the metal. It's what we're doing here today, right? We're deciding who is better. We're drilling down the metal. We're here. It's Doughboys Tournament of Tournament of Champions of Champions. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. AKA, Totcock. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. We have a lot of tournament action to get to. Mitch has a drop to play. Before we do that. Totcock. Before we get to Totcock. What is it?

Totcock. Totcock. Kinship get on it. Tournament of Tournament. Kinship make a tot. Championoc-Coc. Toc. What is it? Toc-Coc. Kinship get on it. Tournament of tournament. Kinship make a Toc-Coc. Champion of champions. Toc. Toc-Coc.

Before we get to Toc-Coc, I do want to bring Toc-Coc. It's not the first time I've heard Toc-Coc. Ah. Ooh. Ooh. I don't know. I don't like that. You heard it?

You heard it. Who and what way was this set to you? Expand. A doctor diagnosed me with it. He's like, ooh, you've got Totcock. He sure is no better war friend than that. Americans I go to, Totcock. You know Mitch, he taught cock for a while. Oh, man.

I had a friend who hired a stripper for his bachelor party. Stop trying to do the show. And, and. Just abandon the iPad. She was, there was in Long Island and she was trying to act very sexy and she said, you know, I used to be a secretary

and I would type all day, now I type cock. And everyone was like, wait, what? No one understood how that kind of, where that kind of worked. And then really upset the balance of the room. Type cock. I think she was trying to do sexy talk, like I used to type all day, now I type cock.

Like. Wow. The balance of the room in these scenarios has to, it can't get too horny, it can't be, there's like a very perfect balance in there. Yeah, delicate, delicate balance. You can't say you type cock. Yeah, it's just confusing.

I think maybe like, now I use my fingers for a different purpose. Uh-huh, yeah. Now I can get where you're. Likes punched it up. I love it, I'm gonna call her up I'd punch it up. I love it. I'm gonna call her up about it. I want to.

Hey, you know that thing you said 15 years ago? Yeah. Yeah. I've still been thinking about it. I want to point this out before we get into the meat of the show. Our video producer, Casey Donahue, is also. Boo!

Yeah. Wow. Catching straight through the gate. I want him out. Look, our guests are allowed to speak their minds. He's also, of course, a very talented filmmaker, and you have a Kickstarter for your film, your upcoming indie horror film, My Love for You is Deep, but the Devil Loves Me Deeper. Please tell everyone about the Kickstarter and tell everyone about the film. Yeah, thanks, Wigz. I'm making my first feature film.

As Wiggs said, it's called My Love for You is Deep, but the devil loves me deeper. It's gonna be a real lo-fi kind of analog horror film. We're gonna shoot it on tape. It's gonna be really something different that no studio is really gonna make anytime soon. Right. Well, you're saying tape, you like VHS tape?

Mini DV tape. Oh, wow, I love that. Yeah, it's gonna look really cool. A lot of inspiration from like David Lynch and Dario Argento and David Cronenberg. There's some body horror. I'd say Soderbergh too. You're shooting on DV, that's a Soderbergh.

Yeah, yeah, very Soderbergh, yeah. But yeah, we're- What is this, Schizopolis? Now, but now I'll ask you this, David Lynch famously, after lunch, would do like a meditation. Everyone had to do a meditation, or at least they took a break from meditation.

Will you institute that same kind of break so you can be here for Doughboy's tapings? Great question. Great question. This is where I do my meditation is during Doughboy's- All right, so you will like walk off set in the middle and be like, I have to be back. I have to zone out. I think a lot of people when listening,

when doing or listening to Doe Boys are meditating, are using it as an opportunity to drift off. You're not wrong. Soderbergh, kind of the topic of today's conversation. Why are you so quiet? Why are you whispering? Soda-burg, kind of the topic of today's conversation. In what way? Why are you so quiet? Why are you whispering? Because I didn't like what I was saying. If you don't believe in it, you don't have to say it.

I don't even understand how that would play into today's. I think I can follow it. Soda and a burg. But the thing is, soda is not an element. Wow, you got to, you have to sell that way harder if that's where you're going. Don't do it because you have a soda. I have a soda. I have a soda. I have a soda?

Boo. This is bad podcast. It's hard because you guys, I feel like I listen to you guys all the time and you have such a boner for the fact that you've been doing this for nine years, 10 years. You act like you're so old, guess what assholes, we've been doing this 15 years. Wild, 10 years. You act like you're so old. Guess what, assholes? We've been doing this 15 years.

I'm wild. Truly wild. You guys are good at it, and I feel like gotten better. Yeah, we've regressed. Yeah, we've regressed. Have you guys ever checked, this is what I was saying to Jason the other day, I was like, I would have loved you guys

to done your cholesterol on episode one, and then almost have a yearly check-in. It would have been a great, maybe get your doctor great... Wouldn't it be great if there was exactly that, a once a year episode that featured the same doctor? Yes. You guys got your tests and somebody came and walked you through the results on air. That would be amazing.

Do that, let's do that. We should do that. And can you retroactively have done it for the last 10 years? I can check my metal. I bet you, I'm wondering. metal. I bet you I'm wondering. We should like, I think a doctor episode would be a fantastic fun episode.

Because I think some sort of intervention is needed. We were gonna get our tea check. We were gonna check our tea. Oh, we've all been waiting for that. But the fans all know that's gonna be a boring episode. Cause it's gonna be zero on both. I don't know. Now that Tiger's on Weiger, I think that T's up. Might be going up.

The Tiger one, I feel viral. I wouldn't be surprised if he has very high T levels. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, I exercise a good amount. So maybe that could do it, but I don't know how any of this shit works. I feel like my body is decaying. So...

Oh, no, our bodies are imploding. You guys look great. Thank you so much. Oh, you guys do too. Absolutely stunning. Thank you. Good looking crew. Thrilled to be here.

Hey, speaking of beefcakes, Casey, you're always looking great, you always look like a million bucks, and tell people how they can contribute to your Kickstarter, how they can help your movie come to be. You could go learn all about it at casymakesmovies.com, real easy link, go there, it'll take you to your Kickstarter, how they can help your movie come to be. You could go learn all about it at Casey makes movies.com real easy link. Go there. I'll take you to the Kickstarter.

You can check out all the rewards. There's a lot of cool stuff we're offering. What's the best thing you're giving? Yeah. Anyway, honestly, I think the best thing is going to be the live stream premiere of the movie. It'll be like, oh, like we're going to do like an in studio thing. We're going to do a Q and a after, people are gonna be able to see the movie

before like we do any festivals or anything like that. I'll tell you this, you know, you haven't started shooting it yet. I know Michael Connolly, a Bosch writer, Michael Connolly, he is just doing a thing where he'll name a character after you. And you could also, you know, there it is. Might add that to the list.

And for one price point, we'll name a character after you. For another price point, we will kill that character because it's a horror movie, right? We will kill that character and maybe for another price in the manner that you dictate. That's a lot, that's a lot. No, no, keep going. And for another price.

Now it's really coming to choose your own adventure. But if I'm like, you know, if I'm like Weiger, I would want to be able to donate enough money that I could put a picture of like Mitch up in a scene. So maybe it's in the background if someone's getting killed, you know, you see that. That could be, you know, like, yeah. You know, you could have kind of put, you know,

because it's expensive to clear all those pictures. Oh, that's a good question. I don't need to put a picture of Mitch in because Mitch is gonna be in the movie. Whoa. So does Mitch's presence in the movie de facto mean that it will not get Mitch's thumbs up for horniness? Yeah.

The tag on all movies that are horny having Mitch's thumb up. I'm happy you brought that up because I do want this to become a thing. I do too. I just think there should be a little bit of text underneath that says, that's not his this to become a thing. I do too. I just think there should be a little bit of text underneath that says, that's not his thumb.

That's a talk cock. Congrats, Casey. We're excited for you. I do think that there could be a thing where, I'm just putting this out there, that Wags will make a cameo in the movie if it gets to a certain point, like even just as an extra. I'm just saying, that could push it over the top with our freaks.

That's a million dollars. I'm putting you on the spot very much so right now. Putting him on the spot to be an extra doesn't seem like a hard act. He's never been more mad at me in his entire life. He's been like, you really are putting him out. He's like, don't give me work. This is the same man who earlier today said

he wishes that he could inglorious bastards our listeners. Hey, hold on. But does that mean trap them in a theater and light it on fire? Yes. Look, I was the one who started it. Did you start it? Yeah, you started it.

I was the one who. I don't disagree. I said that if we were talking because they were talking about my chime and I was like, these people who are being dormant. You gotta shut the phone off. I swear to God, I wrote a note in my notes app and just things I wanted to remember about Doughboys

and I wrote down, if that chime goes off, I will lose it. And I'm calling it now, I was gonna wait for it. It's an aggressive chime for somebody who works a lot. That's the thing, I feel like the people who have the most aggressive chimes are people who like, oh, they're not in this world, they don't understand that, that could be annoying. Like my mom's chime, it sounds like an alarm is going on.

Like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. It's like, oh, you don't need that for a text message. You should know at this point. Oh, and it's all because he's afraid his house is being broken into, which is not happening. Okay, okay, hold on a second, hold on. Hold on now. I'm gonna say this.

Hold on. Yeah. Do you need to take a minute? No, no, I got this. We were making fun of these people who were making up scenarios of my chime going off in movie theaters, things that have never happened. People being like, it happens on set.

You respect the movie theater more than this show? 100%. Oh, I got it. And it's never gone off as much as it did. And it's also now, the alarms are set to just be in one area. Because if the window does get smashed, I only have a few minutes for another system.

You have a few minutes for what? To notify my neighbors to save Wally and Irma. I see, I see, okay. So they don't get out. Because if they get out, it's game over. Here's the thing, you gotta get one of those sponsors, you know, whatever it is, to the, when someone breaks in, they go,

hey, hey, get out of here. That's me though, that's what I'm gonna do, because I will go off and then I'll say, hey, hey, what are you doing? Oh, see now I hope your house does get broken into while we're on air, so we can have that whole thing unfold. Oh, no. God, no.

Can you imagine what a famous episode this would be if in the middle of it... You know, the episode where Mitch's house gets broken into. I wish this was live streaming. I'm breaking into Mitch's house now, guys. Also, just seeing Mitch... Do not invite me. Yeah.

Mitch, today, you are terrified of doing your own podcast that you've been doing for 10 years. Sure. I'mified of the fans. Having this energy, like, I'm just imagining this energy with a burglar. Oh, OK. With a burglar, I would tell him what's what. I would tell him what's what.

Give us a sample of it. Hey! Ha ha ha ha! OK, wait a minute. Get it. What are you doing? Hey, man. Come on, man.

Not cool. There's nothing in there that you'd want. I mean,. Not cool. There's nothing in there that you'd want. I mean, I would tell them there's nothing in there that you really want. There's just two cats. I would say stay there. I'll come and give you money. Sure.

And you can leave. I'll come and give you money. That's what I'll say to them. Pay you off to leave my house. I'll pay you off to just leave me alone. But that's what's going to start happening now, is people are going to go to your house. No.

And they're going to say, I will leave if Mitch comes and beats me. That's fine. I'll pay you. All right. You don't have one cool thing in your house? Wally Irma. I mean, you have like dozens of stairs. I do have a lot of stairs, but you can't take a stair.

I don't know. Well, you could if you wanted to. How's there that many stairs? There's got to be other pretty expensive. They are floating stairs. Oh, whoa. You have that neon Spotify logo that they sent us as a Christmas gift after they canceled our live

show. That's true. That's nice. And I hung it up. You hung it up. You hung it up. Yeah. So it's a Spotify logo in his house.

Just to remind you that they canceled your show? It says, doesn't it say now recording or something? It says now recording. And I'll say this. There's two things about it. One, my mom is like, that's cool. You should put it up. And then that will be the room you record.

And I was like, my mom is right. Why not? It seems nice. Yeah, sure. And then also, and then that will be like the room you recorded. I was like, my mom is right, why not? It seems nice, sure. And then also, we didn't get canceled. They canceled every single thing after we started doing stuff. That's right, yes. They canceled the entire program once our show started.

It wasn't like they- But it was because of your show. Your show began a cascade of disastrous results. It was possible. Because of the chime. I wasn't gonna- It's chime time. It's just chime time on Totcock.

These psychopaths are on there, and they're like, they're making up scenarios. And then I was like, we should do a live show, and then we should demolish in the theater, and the world would be a better place. And everyone agreed. We were talking with the YKS guys, and everyone agreed. And then you said that, like, as much as I'd like to and glorious bastards are fans,

I think that they'd like it. Well, here's the thing. That's why I worried they'd all die with a smile on their face. Absolutely none of the conversation that you guys had with those guys should be, none of you should know about the fans. I have an update.

I agree. The Reddit isn't good now. I know. The Reddit, I'm presuming, is bad still. It is bad. You don't have to look at it. You don't. I was talking to Anya about this before you guys came.

I, when Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness came out, I did not, I was unable to reach Billy Corgan to tell him that this was a disappointing album. You're saying? I talked to every- Wait, a disappointing album? Boo! Wow! Gish and Siamese Dream, those are

Smashing Pumpkins records. Wow. Gish, Incredible record. Yeah. But I told everybody that I thought that album was bad. I was a real loudmouth about it. But you know who didn't hear a goddamn word about it? The people that made the record.

That's fair. We shouldn't hear the complaints about our shows. That's fair. And this is, we are making, we are making melancholy. Infinite Sabbath's here. Uh, I, look, I went, I got my ashes last night. I went and got a lot. Happy Ash Wednesday. I went and got my ashes last night.

You and Mark Wahlberg always go together, right? We go together. And then you work out. Yeah, you cold plunge, you get those ashes because you want to make sure you don't, if you get ashes and then you cold plunge, you get those ashes because you want to make sure you don't. If you get ashes and then you cold plunge, it washes right off. You talk about how if both of you

been on the flight, 9-11 wouldn't have happened. That is, I think that is true with me. I'm not sure if it's true with Wahlberg. You think if you had been on any of those planes. Let's munch. I... I sat down for church and it was, they were speaking Spanish and I was like,

oh man, what do I do? Do I sit here and- But you, like me, you've been to enough church, it's kind of fun, it's like you can listen to it in a different language, you know where all the beats are. Yeah, and then they did eventually start speaking English, but I was very nervous at first. Interesting choice.

And I think they were doing like a bilingual service. That's nice. Bilingual mask. I was in there and it was actually very comforting and I felt better. No, so sorry. Were you there wearing an ice jacket? You've been wearing those around just for fun. You've been wearing that ice jacket all over town.

I see you walking around in the Costco parking lot in the home depot parking lot. Ice jacket was a kid's ice jacket. I didn't realize that. I thought it was, it's a cool as ice, but no ice vanilla ice is moving. I thought it was a bud light ice It's not it's not bad ice yeah, but it was a bad move to wear it But it was very nice wise. I was relaxed we recorded the munch madness has got me worked up a little bit Why because it sucks and we've done three days in a row of it. Should I not say that out loud?

It doesn't matter, whatever. Doesn't matter. Hit him with a drop, Emma. Here it comes. Um, my mom will make me eggs. So say, Mikey, you want some eggies? As I wake up and I say, yes, mother. What? It's a warm friend. And a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and

a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a, five forks. Wow. Wow.

That'll be, that'll wrap it up. We'll call it there, this episode. Of Doughboys. John Hodgman, Arden Marie, Owen Wilson, Paul F. Tompkins. Wow. Wow. Wow really has taken over the show. That was so hard to sit through with you guys here.

I loved it. Honestly, that's the funniest you've been all shot. I was having so much fun when you were giving this guy a hard time about metal detectors. You don't like it when it gets over to your guy. I don't like it when it's over here. Not at all. I can't get the, I don't see the, I don't see the email yet. It hasn't uploaded the email yet.

I got an audition though. Hey, wow. What do you got? Let's rehearse. Is it for Casey's movie? Do you want me to read it? It is for Casey's movie, what the fuck? I'm gonna audition for Casey's movie.

I heard there's a part for me. Oh, this is fantastic. I'm going to put myself on tape. Wow. I won't reveal, can I look at it for a second? I won't reveal the name of it or anything, but I will read you the, I will read. The description.

Just the, I'll just read you the role. Yeah. Okay, role of a man. A man. Late 20s. Nope. Okay. Uh, you're.

Mitch, they went another way. You are loud and lovable. Uh, endlessly enthusiastic. Yeah, sure. Okay. You, uh, you never lost the high school spirit. Needlessly contrarian. And, uh, he's the kind of friend

who will drop everything to help you, but he also has a habit of being too excitable. Knows too much about Walt Disney's plans for Griffith Park. And his mom cooks him eggies, a loyal egg. Oh wait, can I see that for a second? Oh, and the sides are just no peeking? And the roll is for Toc Toc. I should be clear that my mom, when things dry up,

my mom sends me some auditions every so often. Anyways, oh, it's sent, thank you. I should have it, but I can read it if you don't. Okay, oh, I can read it, here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go, and here we go, here it is. Dear Doughboys Emma and the Drop King, this is my first ever drop. The show has been a source of nice vibes

throughout this pandemic. Wow. Take care Alex, Victoria, British Columbia. Wow, you got a real backlog there. And just whoever wrote that just know that Wagga would like to see you burn alive. Drop King, maybe get some fresh drops in there. I think this might be an issue with me. 21. What are we doing, DK? I think the issues are a lot of drops in the Dropbox that have copyrighted music in them that I can't use anymore.

Got it. Have you had anything taken down? We have, yeah. This is a big, we had a big issue. This is a big argument today. This is a big news thing. Not argument. I picked something for the show and then Wags was like, we can't do that.

And then we talked about it and then we talked about it and then we talked about it and then we talked about it and then we talked about. I picked something for the show and then Wiggs was like, we can't do that and then we talked about it. And something did to get DCMA'd, right? We had two things come down. Oh yeah, that were drops or that were similar? One of them was a drop, one of them's back up because it was a weird other thing,

but we have an episode that's currently down from a drop that had a copyright thing and we can't get it back up yet. I'm glad that we're finally, you know, really kind of tightening up the reins here podcasting. Especially on Dill Boy. Everybody's basking in all this money. Dill Boy, you guys have too much freedom.

Yeah, you played 20 seconds of a Madonna song. Yeah, it's time for you to get off your fucking high horse. They took down the episode where Weiger and I read The Godfather and we performed each part. They took that down, unfortunately. Drops at birdfuck.com. Mitch, we got a couple of great friends of the show in the studio today.

Very happy to have them because to be perfectly honest, another good friend of the show, Evan Susser has been freezing us out, hasn't been responding to our texts. I don't know what's going on. I know, I don't know what's happening. Okay, I saw Susser the other day. I didn't very weird. Okay, I saw Susser the other day. I didn't want to say this.

I saw Susser the other day. I was outside of Headgum for something else. He was talking to Wayne Brady. Wow. And he was saying, specifically, I overheard a part of the conversation where he was saying to Wayne Brady, because I think Wayne Brady must have asked,

he was saying, no, surprisingly, Mitch is a bad improviser. Wow, wow. He wouldn't be good for your show. Well, this is actually- And I was blown away. I actually, because I was actually in that meeting and they were talking to Wayne Brady about a show called Whose Meal Is It Anyway?

And so he was like, the idea is that you would go around to different fast food restaurants and try their meals. And so they were trying to get, they said they need new blood in. Yeah, they need new people. I can't get on whose meal is it anyways? I think Wayne wanted you and Sus killed it. And I think Doofson got on. Doofson?

Doofson? I don't know what's going on with the commissioner. This is a big deal. This is much madness. I'm much less racist than Doofson. I don't know if that's something you want to lead me. Much less racist implies still quite racist. Racism at a high.

I mean, Doofson's like really next level. Yeah, that's a good point. From out of this kit, May Jason Metzooka's Paul Sheer, both in studio together for the first time. Yeah! Yeah! The Doughboys Crossroads happened. Very exciting.

I mean, what an event. We're very happy to have you here. Thrilled to be here. I got to say, and you know, I've eaten a few things on this show. This is one of my most favorite assignments of all time. Wow! I was realizing this, and we'll talk about it.

But these are two foodstuffs. Oh, yeah, we took you to some really shitty spots. I'm just thinking of one. We went to Bubba's company. That was rough. Yeah, we've had some unpleasant meals. But this is two things. There's two chains I love, and these are two foods

that I love, burgers and ice cream. Like two of my top foods. Oh, yeah, I feel like this is your category. This is the baby bitch category. Yeah, it's been renamed the baby bitch category. Baby bitch region. I'm sad that Susser isn't here also to give you the lowdown, because he's very good at it.

I don't need to hear from Susser, period. Oh my god. Wow. Listen, you might recall me years ago on one of the live streams trying to force a recall of Susser. Wow. Yeah, you were trying to post.

I don't understand who put him in as commissioner. That's a great question. He's been with us since the beginning, and he's a pretty core part of Suser. Wow. Yeah, you were trying to depose. I don't understand who put him in as commissioner. That's a great question. He's been with us since the beginning, and he's a pretty core part of the show, but it feels like he's maybe drifting away. Maybe it's time to make a change. Last year, it felt like, you know, hey, he got deposed, and Koalik came in,

and then Suser came back, and you know, that, I was like, maybe he's rejuvenated, maybe he's back in the spirit of things, but then it feels like he's falling off again. I don't think it's enough of a, Koalik's not enough of a threat. No. Susser's not gonna be where you're gonna keep Koalik.

Look, it was the Bob Iger move of bringing in a traffic. Right, yeah, right, right. To get a, yeah. Yeah, and like, of course we weren't happy with Koalik. You take the block. Yeah, yeah. I'm curious about, okay, since we are talking burgers, I wanna start there.

So, Sher, what do you like on a burger? What is your favorite kind of burger? I am a very plain burger person. I like to have just the cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, relish or pickles, I'll go either way. But I don't like to load it up too much. I'm not trying, I'm not into the Western burger. There's a period of time- What's a Western burger? I think I already put an egg on it. Oh, that's why I don't like to load it up too much. I'm not into like the Western burger. There's a period of time where-

What's a Western burger? Like I think you put an egg on it. Oh, that's why I don't know. It depends, but I think of the Western burger as like bacon, onion strings or onion rings and barbecue sauce. Okay, all right. But sometimes an egg will go on there.

Yeah, like there's certain ones where I think I like the purity of just like a backyard burger, like that kind of vibe. And I will say, this is gonna play into a larger part, I'm not gonna get too ahead of it. What I have found in LA is I think Fat Burger kind of captures that like very, very kind of classic burger. It takes all the condiments.

That's what I wanna do too. I wanna feel it all cold. I'm a huge, we're both huge Fat Burger fans. Love Fat Burger, yeah. Never had a fat burger. Wow. Maybe that's the next time we do this. I will say they are very egg, like egg is a big, right?

I feel like egg is a big thing. They will cook an egg on the flat top and very often, like a very common thing to do if fat burger is get an egg on top of it, which obviously is not a thing you can eat. But what do you do normally bun-wise for a burger? So for me, so today we're talking about In-N-Out and a lot of fast food burgers will have an egg free bun because to have an eggy bun makes it more expensive, makes it less, like it's

not full of preservatives, it's not shelf stable. It's gotta, it's, for those places that are operating at such a margin, I'm pretty okay. So I can have an In-N-Out burger, but any of those places that become, our burgers are brioche or fancy or have an egg wash and something, you know, any, like about whatever, 10, 15 years ago, everybody's buns got cool. Everybody's buns got fancy.

Everybody had aioli and mayo's and all this stuff. I'm so irritated with this thing because I feel like this has happened with like chicken and waffles. Like everyone for a while was like, oh, chicken is the thing. Everybody had aioli and mayo's and all this stuff. I'm so irritated with this thing, because I feel like this happened with chicken and waffles. Everyone for a while was like, oh, chicken and waffles. And then all of a sudden, you got all this artisan chicken and waffles. I'm like, just give me the thing that I like that's a Roscoe's. Don't have to go like, yeah, you don't have to dress it up.

Roscoe's is the best version, but we see the Ouroboros of influence happen, where it's like there's the fast food one. Oh, yes, the Ouroboros. Yeah. That snake eating its own tail. Yeah. Oh, a wagger. the fast food one influences. Yeah. A snake eating its own tail. Yeah. Oh.

The fast food version inspired, okay. The fast food version inspires like the, you know, the gentrified, like the gastropub, like the upscale new American version, which then inspires now that, you know, then they have a version that's kind of elevated and then a fast food chain tries to come up with their version of that.

Yes. The cycle continues. Like does Umami Burger still exist or have then a fast food chain tries to come up with their version of that and the cycle continues. Like does Umami Burger still exist or have all of fast food absorbed its special thing? Umami Burger definitely I think had a giant fall from grace. I will also argue, I love Umami Burger. I thought it was fine. I couldn't have it, but.

Yeah, I thought it was fine. It's now been replaced here in Los Angeles at one of the locations with Boychick Spagels, which, gotta talk about that place being awesome. Is it? Oh, it's- Wait, which location? The one right on Hollywood Boulevard, right across- Right across from Covell there?

Yep. Oh. Boychick Spagels. Umami Burger is, has receded quite a bit. I don't know how many locations it has left. There was a point where it was pretty ubiquitous in the city, and now, I was just looking at it real quick, and it looks like maybe right now the only one in the city is at now like, I was just looking at it real quick and it looks like maybe right now,

the only one in the city is at the airport, which is not a good sign. No. But the, one of the founders of Umami Burger, I watched on it, I saw on a YouTube video of a squatter being evicted. Like he, and he had like fallen on such like, he'd gotten into such sort of circumstances,

but it was like, it was not the sort of thing. Sometimes you sympathize with somebody who's like, oh, this into such sort of circumstances, but it was not the sort of thing, sometimes you sympathize with somebody who's like, oh, this person's really struggling. This guy was being an asshole to a widow who was living by herself and was living in her guest home rent free and would not leave. So someone was throwing him out.

I was like, this is crazy that this happened to this guy who at one point had what looked like a billion dollar business plan. Here's what I'll say, I think Umami Burger's death was at the hands of Shake Shack. Sure, I can see that. Cause Shake Shack really has expanded. I thought you were gonna blame us for this.

Oh, I see. Yeah. But like Shake Shack, like that, I've never seen a burger chain take off in such a way, like it's kind of fascinating to watch, cause the first one was opened by my house. It was a little, it was a shack in this like little park by my house.

In New York City. Oh, in New York City. Yeah, in Madison Square Park, right? In Madison Square Park, and you had to wait like 45 minutes to get a burger. I remember the day we found out the human giant got picked up, we were online at Shake Shack getting a burger.

And, but when you look now, every place I go, there's a Shake Shack. Shake Shacks are everywhere. Yeah, and they scaled well. Yes. That did it correctly, whereas Umami Burger it felt like got super big and then just evaporated. I think Umami Burger still is too fancy for America.

I think it's like, you know, it's like, Shake Shack is just burgers. And I feel like that's what they were able to do. Shake Shack itself though, is now kind of like taking a step back. They over expanded, they closed five of their six LA locations, including the one right by our studio. And so-

But a part of that wasn't that also a part of that, like we're not gonna pay that extra, like the tax for like a- Yeah, but that's also a thing that happens with scaling up, is that they're trying to like cut costs. And so it's a, but yes, you're right. I remember a time when Shake Shack was something special. I remember it was like, oh, it's only in New York.

I need to go. I remember being in New York and making a special trip to get Shake Shack and also visit the 9-Eleven Memorial. That was one trip I did. You do it before or after? Um. Or no, you get the burgers and you bring them down to. And you throw your wrappers at that bottomless pit.

I'm pretty sure I did the Memorial first. I walked through the Memorial and I was like, then I was like, okay, time to that bottomless pit. I'm pretty sure I did the memorial first. I walked through the memorial and I was like, then I was like, okay, time to get Shake Shack. I feel like I spent enough time there. You went to Shake Shack and then you didn't go to the memorial and you were like, oh, I forgot.

Well, no, but this is, I think this is a good segue into In-N-Out because In-N-Out is, I think a lot of people will call it like one of their favorite burger places, but it hasn't really expanded past California, right? I mean, or it gets in Las Vegas, I guess, but it's like. This is a whole thing. Like they've tried some expansions, they've tried some Quixotic expansions

into Texas and Colorado that have had some success, but they've still largely stayed clustered in California. But yeah, they've tried to expand further into the Southwest of large. Is that because of ingredient sourcing? Like, do they have, like, is it such that, like, because to me, I'm surprised there aren't in and outs, even at the very bare minimum in airports.

Yeah, no, that seems an obvious expansion. Part of it is ingredient sourcing. The other thing, because they want everything to be, you know, yeah, and they want everything to be fresh. But the other thing is that every location is family owned. They don't franchise. So they have like pretty tight control over it. Because I was gonna say, there's something about it,

there's such a simplicity to In-N-Out that it feels like it's a very easy concept to bring anywhere. But if it's family owned, I guess, yeah, I don't know. I think it's the Christian cups. They're like not that easy to produce the Christian cups that have little sayings on the bottom of it. So I think that's a big part of it.

Someone's gonna write that down. Now this is a question I did have about this John 3.16. Are we blessed because we drank out of those cups? Oh, we are. Does every cup turn every drink into holy water? I think yes. Or holy shake. It depends on what you got.

And that's why you should always have one in and out cup in your car at all times, because it's like putting a little guardian angel on your dashboard. You have one of those in your cup holder, it's like pretty protective. And any booze you pour into it, it's blessed. And it won't smell on your breath, so the cops can't find you.

Definitely try that out. So you can get wasted in drive. That feels like that would be a thing that would be in thing that would be like in a horror thing of like a guy has a cup and throws it in the fucking Dracula's face and the Dracula's like, ah! And then turns it over and it's in an outcrop.

Ah, you think you're... You think that would be in a movie? Yeah, so you establish that in your movie. Casey, put it in your movie. Where the Dracula gets root beer that's in a holy cup from In-N-Out thrown on him. So you have to add Dracula to the movie. I'm going to say this. Part of why Casey said that's real good

is because Casey is on a root beer group chat. Oh, wow. By the way, I listened to that episode. Get me on that chat. I need that. I listened to that episode. I want in. During the pandemic, I signed up for a root beer of the month

club. And every month, a box of 30 different bottles of root beer would show up at my house. And I gained so much weight just drinking. Because I do not normally drink soda. So I just was hammering root beer. Root beer is so good. Brutal.

That, and I once tried to, as a treat during the pandemic, because I was alone in my house, I was like, you know what? I'm going to buy a box of Golden Grahams. I'm going to just get a box of cereal. I'm going to treat myself to a sugar cereal. What arrived? You just gave me, you reminded me of something.

OK, great. I'll get to it in a minute. OK, OK. What is going on with you, man? I just, I'm excited. I'll tell you. Sorry. We're going to stop down so Mitch can get this up. Mitch is so excited right now. About Golden Grahams, I want to know.

My Golden Grahams story is not that good. Yours appears to be incredible. I have a About golden grams, I wanna know, because I wanna talk about it too. My golden grams story's not that good. Yours appears to be incredible. I have a pitch. Oh, I love this. Golden Oreos cookies and cream ice cream. Sounds great. Yes, put it in my mouth right now. I love that.

I told you it was a good idea. There's only Oreos worthwhile. But here's the thing, you can go to one of those places, what's that place that smashes it all up together? Coldstone? Coldstone. You can put some, I bet you put golden grams and vanilla ice cream, it's gonna be great.

No, he's saying the golden Oreo cookies. Oh, those are my favorites. Those are really good. Those are great, especially the thin ones. Oh, the Oreo, those things are great. I think they're strictly better than the default Oreos. I agree 100% agree. But where do they fall in the Post Malone Oreos?

What is that? Oh, Post Malone Oreos? Wait, have you had them? Oh, I've had them. I didn't have you had them? Oh, I've had them. I didn't have them yet. Oh yeah, I've had them. I like that we split couches correctly without knowing. Yeah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. The Post Malone- Don't insult him like that. I take it as an honor. We both had the Jelly Roll Chips Ahoy though. Yes.

Ah. Ah. Ah. I have you guys had the Angel Reese- I love learning who a celebrity is from their tie-in food stuff, which has happened to me multiple times. I learned who Sabrina Carpenter was

because she had a sweet green bowl. I'm like, all right. T. Ferguson texted me the other day and he said, "'Would you be insulted if I pitched you as Jelly Roll?' And I was like, no, that's fine. I don't care. That's nice. Well, are they looking to replace Jelly Roll?

Yeah, I think they need a new Jelly Roll. Well, you do have a beautiful voice. I was in Target the other day and I saw, they have Reese's pieces, like cereal, I forget what it's called, right? But the cover person now is Angel Reese. And I was like, this was a marketing media, like someone was like, Angel Reese?

And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And all of a sudden, she's the face of Reese's. It's a great, it's a great. Makes a lot of sense. Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. Also has a McDonald's meal. Oh, yes. Yeah, she's everywhere.

And she's out there advocating for WNBA players who get the same salaries as WNBA players. A great moment to kind of get on that high order. Yeah, great. Anyway, I ordered a box of Golden Grahams. And what arrived was a box of 12 boxes of Golden Grahams. Oh wow. And this was a disaster for me,

because boy did I eat all those Golden Grahams. Oh, those are the, I love those. I got destroyed. Oh, what a great cereal. I mean, it was great, but also so dangerous, because they were just always there. We had a sponsor for How Did This Get Made at one point for a life serial

and they sent us a box of like 14, 12, it was a lot of boxes. It was three different types, it was three different boxes, so many boxes of life, I didn't know how to get rid of them. And I started autographing them and giving them out to kids in my neighborhood.

Like, ah. And I was like, it's a kind of like a dumb bit to like these, my next door neighbors, people I know. But I was like, hey, have a great life. And it's bad to do. And it was a great bit to be walking around with autographed life boxes. It had nothing to do with.

Hey, Mikey likes it. That's, uh, that's the original life? Of course. He likes it. Hey, Mikey. That's, I looked like that boy as a boy. I'm sure you did too. Yeah, I was a little toe-headed kid. I was it. Hey Mikey. I looked like that boy as a boy. I'm sure you did too.

Yeah, I was a little toe-headed kid. I was a toe, yeah. About that, like of those cereals of that form factor with that kind of like cinnamon-y seasoning, I was always a cinnamon toast crunch partisan. I love the cinnamon toast crunch. And then at a certain point they had cinnamon toast, or cinnamon French toast crunch,

which was delightful. Oh yeah. I would do the cinnamon challenge every morning and that was it. I would just put a tablespoon of cinnamon in my mouth. Yeah, and then you'd follow that up with the crack, the saltines challenge or whatever that one was. To me, my parents wouldn't let me get sugar cereals, but I could get the variety pack.

And the variety pack had like a bunch of mini boxes and corn pops in there. And corn pops to me was one of my favorites. At the time, sugar pops, they were called sugar pops when we were kids. Dig'em was the frog. Ripped him. Dig'em the frog, yes, wow.

But I tried them recently and I was let down. I was let down by corn pops. I think Dig'em was maybe Honey Smacks. Oh, Smacks. I think you're right. I think you're right. Yeah, cause he was like a cool, he was a cool looking problem.

Corn pops was something. Corn pops was Joe Biden. Yeah. Oh, listen here, fellas a cool, he was a cool looking problem. Corn pops was something. Corn pops was Joe Biden. Yeah. Oh, listen here fellas. This cereal's a bad dude. Ah, here we are just making cereal grating. Oh, there you go, that's Digham, that's Digham right there. That's Digham, oh yeah.

Yeah, that's Digham, yeah. And you were saying the other night, Mike, you were talking about- Amelia was just holding up a picture of Joe Biden for me. Yep, that's Digham, that's Digham. And I remember Mike was texting me the other day during the State of the Union, like he was the worst president we've ever had.

And I was like, yeah, you don't have to get that hard. And you got one saying like, yeah, finally somebody calling truth from power. It's the Koalik susser thing. Let's talk ice cream a little bit. And first off, sweet treats generally. I don't have the biggest sweet tooth, but when it comes to desserts,

ice cream is my absolute favorite. That's like number one for me. Same, hard agree. So what is your, as someone who has to worry about egg consumption, what are your go-tos for frozen desserts? Yeah, so for me, ice cream was always available in a cheap form factor that I could have.

So, you know, the, what did you just say? available in a cheap form factor that I could have. So, you know, the, what did you just say? The Stone Cold Creamery or the Haagen-Dazs or all those good ice cream shops couldn't have them because they all have a custard base, which is an act. So, what's that? Brigham's I could have. Not only could I have it, but Brigham's for many years

had my favorite flavor of ice cream, which was the, what's it called? Nestle Crisp? What was that? Oh, okay. Chocolate bar. Yes, yeah, yeah. It was that flavor of ice cream. It was like a chocolatey base with those poppy crack, like a snap crack.

Rice Krispies, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Rice Krispies in it. It was delicious. Do you guys remember, and just because you know, poppy crack, like a snap crack. Rice krispies in it. It was delicious. You guys remember, and just cause you're East coasters too, Swensen's or Friendly's? Friendly's was a huge one. A frible.

Yeah, could you do that? I could do Friendly's, yes. I could have Friendly's. That's pretty good. Oh yeah, because those places were cheaper, you know? So I could have Friendly's ice cream. I could have, and then I could have like supermarket ice cream or do you remember like a hoodsy?

Oh, of course. So like if I went to, Emma just had a big reaction. If I went to someone's birthday party and I was sure to, another kid, sure to not be able to have anything there, my mom would send me with either a box of munchkins from Dunkin' Donuts or a thing of hoodsies. Yes.

And I, so when everybody was having a treat, the parent would give me what I had brought. Hoodsies, hoodsies are big. There's like an individual cup, what is it? Yes. With a little wooden handle. OK, OK. And it's chocolate and vanilla or all one.

It's a little, like a little spaceship or something. Hoodsies are big in Boston. Not exactly. And unfortunately, also. This was cheaper. But maybe something like that. Hoodsie also sounds like what an old Irish man would call like a young person.

They don't trust on the person. It was because the company was Hood Dairy. Yes. Got it. And so it was a Hoodsy. We were just talking the other day, the watermelon roll from Friendly's. Do you remember that? That's the best.

It looked like half of a watermelon sitting on the table with seeds. To me, one of the biggest memories I have was being able to eat an entire Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Sunday for Friendlies. That was a big one. And it had Reese's Peasies in it. We went once, he went to Puppagino's and Friendlies, and I think that both experiences were just okay.

Well, we went, so we went in Western Massachusetts. So we went to a more rural location. Already a huge mistake. The fact that we were in Western Massachusetts already was bad. Get rid of it. Get rid in Western Massachusetts. So we went to a more rural location. Already a huge mistake. The fact that we were in Western Massachusetts already was bad. Get rid of it, get rid of Western Massachusetts. I agree. That friendlies.

Give it to New York. That friendlies. All those fucking traitors already act that way anyways. Also felt like it was like going to close. Like it was like, it felt like a friendlies that was on its last legs. I feel like friendlies is, I think the decline of Friendly's is real,

and I think that any Friendly's you're gonna go to, you're not gonna get, when we were in the height of Friendly's times, I mean Friendly's- They were also gigantic. Yeah, we went to- Those restaurants were huge. Huge footprint, yeah, that was-

I shared it on Friday. That's how I feel about Bertucci's as well. I shared a Friendly's story on my Instagram the other day. It was the Sunday man. Wait, what? They're like mint chip sundae with the monster sundae. It was like green ice cream and he had eyes and then a cone of red head.

Oh, I don't know. You don't know the cone head sundae from a... Show it to me. Maybe I'll remember it, but I don't offhand remember it. Funny. Yeah, no, I feel like all those restaurants, because you guys have talked about the staggering decline of Bertucci's into now just

a series of ghost kitchens for other things, but none of those, or the death of the Pizza Hut, the Dine-In Experience, yes. Oh, I don't know that. Oh, I remember that guy. I remember that. Mitch is showing, A, for audio listeners, it's like a Sunday man and then a little kind of cone hat.

Yeah, the Sunday with a cone on top of it. Like, yeah. Picture the cone heads from the SNL, but in a sundae form. Wait, they started off before the movie on SNL? That's a great question. I saw the movie first. I think it's a movie. I do think it's a movie.

Oh, okay, I'm sorry. You know what, it was a... The cone heads movie? Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure. No, no, but I think it's from... It is from something. Maybe that show Fridays? Fridays, definitely, yeah. for sure. I don't think it's from the South Scots. No, no, but I think it's from, uh... It is from something. Maybe that show, Fridays? Fridays, definitely, yeah.

It might be from Friendlies. They maybe made the movie. That's a Friendlies IP. Friendlies was the place, I wonder if this was the case for you guys too, uh, Friendlies, where I grew up, was where you went, like, at night to go someplace to just hang out.

Well, that was like post prom. Like it was like we went there and then we went elsewhere, but it was like, it was open. It was a diner. It's basically Friendly's is a diner that cater to ice cream. I mean, that was basically it. And it feels like if you're a teenager,

you can't go to a bar that feels like the spot. What were you saying? Bigfords? Bigfords was, yeah. My mom worked at a Bigfords. Oh yeah. Bigfords is like a diner, is a classic kind of diner. I kind of want to find the person who knows what Swensen's is, because there was a Swensen's by of diner. I kind of want to find the person who knows

what Swenson's is because there is a Swenson's by my house, and the only reason why I know it existed for sure is because in Goonies, when they lock chunk in the fridge or the freezer, he's in there with a bunch of Swenson's ice cream. And Swenson's was like an old, I would imagine it was the competition to Friendly's, because it was definitely like an ice cream parlor.

Is that a different Swenson's than the one we reviewed in an ice cream parlor. Is that a difference, Swenson's, in the one we reviewed in the Midwest? Yes, that is a difference because Swenson's in the Midwest is like a burger shop. Okay. I believe so. They had like milkshakes and stuff too, so I was like, oh, this is insane.

Yeah, I would love to see it. Maybe it got merged. Chunk, who is so skinny compared to, he's the same. Chunk from Goonies? Yeah, he wasn't big at all, but in hindsight. I like, I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't also say that he is,

I wouldn't say he's a beast, but he's not small. Like when you make it out, like, oh yeah, we really had a weird perception. He was tiny. I'm so sorry, he was a child. He was a child. He was a small, he was lovely. He was small, He was small.

He was small. He was small. I agree with that. He did that chuckle shuffle. His belly was jiggling around. So you want some sort of justice for Chunk? I want justice for Chunk. Here's what I will say.

Because we've all gotten like America just general and the world has gotten fatter. So if like, if you go back and like for me, full metal jacket is the point of reference. I rewatched that last year. And I was like- I can't believe how much worse than, like, doing the exercises I would be than Private Pile.

Vincent D'Onofrio in that movie is like, that guy's the fat guy, and everyone else is just like, rail thin. And Vincent D'Onofrio has like, my body, basically. And he's like, they are like, look at this fat piece of shit. Yeah, exactly. No, no, we're just living in a foundationally different time.

Like, if you just look at footage, even from the 80s, everybody looks different. You know, we're just living in a foundationally different time. Like if you just look at footage, even from the 80s, everybody looks different. We are just eating and behaving insanely. What? And finally they kind of switch it all up. Yeah. That's why, thank God he's in there. He sounds as healthy as he's gonna make America.

I, now, Weiger, I'll tell you, for my ice cream pleasure, what I'm enjoying right now, I have two things that I love. I love ice cream, but I also really love a cookie, like a good cookie. Like, if you're like, oh, we have a good cookie, it's like, it's too big, it's, I'm not gonna get into cookies right now,

but I'll say this. I found my ice cream that I love. It's my favorite ice cream. It's McConnell's ice cream. It's McConnell's ice cream. It started here in Santa Barbara. McConnell's is great. And it has expanded a little bit. I think that you can get it more now,

definitely on the West Coast, but I find that to be one of my favorite ice creams. It's in supermarkets now. I can't have it, but I've seen them, they have pints in supermarkets. And I've gotten you into, or maybe I haven't sent it to you yet, but the soft serve that you can now buy in supermarkets.

It comes in like a pouch, like a kid's, like one of those applesauce packets. Oh, like a gogurt? Yes, and it's soft serve. It's amazing. In a pouch? It's a pouch, and it's so good. My wife says I can't eat it when I'm around her

because she doesn't like me sucking on a pouch, but it's. I like the babification of the ice cream. I am on board with this. I do like it. I'm gonna give you all a picture of this thing. It's the best. My kids love it, we all love it. We're all just sucking on those pouches.

Cookies have gotten too complex in this state. That's what I agree. Oh, boy. Simple cookies. Simple cookies, sure, but hey, you want a brookie? Yeah, exactly. Do I want a brookie? I came here for a cookie?

I don't even know what a brookie is. Brownie cookies. It's a pork mental, but brownie and a cookie. I get it now. Of course, of course. It's too much, too much going on. Ungepatsch guy might say, I was gonna say that as far as cookie perfection right now, especially in the chain sector,

I wanna hear about that. Go to Costco, double chunk chocolate cookie. The double chunk chocolate cookie is a triumph. I'm right here with the Costco guys. Yeah. Because they turn me on to double chunk chocolate cookie and they're right. It's so good.

Especially if you get it hot. I was at Costco, I told the story in the podcast before, but I was at Costco and I go up there and I order- It's not like they're co and Costco stands for cookie. Mitch, it might, it very well might. It very well, it might as well have at this point. Cost cookie? You think it's-

It might be cost cookie. It's short for cost cookie? I think it's short for Costco cookie. The cost is short for Costco. I go up there with my receipt. They have a little kiosk you order at now. I ordered my double chunk of the receipt. I go up there and the woman there who's very nice is like,

it'll be like two minutes there in the oven right now. I'm in heaven. Whoa. I'm in heaven. Whoa. So great, yeah. Here's what I'm gonna say also. I don't know if you've done a show about this,

but Costco food, not the one that you're buying, but like the hot food, the pizza, it's good. It's good stuff. This guy loves Costco. I love Costco. Oh, the Costco pizza, you'd be like, oh, he put it in a different box, he'd be surprised.

He wants the Costco guys on the show. Oh, I love the Costco guys. I'd love to have the Costco guys on here, yeah. By the way, they told me if I'm ever down in Boca Raton to stop by, we can go down there. I'm happy to join you guys in Boca Raton. Do you know who I would love? You didn't know Boomer Doom? Yeah, I would way, they told me if I'm ever down in Boca Raton to stop by We can go down there. Yeah, I'm happy to join you guys. You know Boomer doom. Yeah, I was this guy Wow. They were here last night at the Lakers game. I know I saw Yeah, picture big justice. You're hanging out in big justices room. He's like is this guy gonna get the fuck out of my fucking house What are you talking about?

House in Boca Raton, that's what I'm saying in my head. No, we're not gonna stay in their house. I didn't know. We're doing an exchange. Big Justice is coming out here? Big Justice comes here, we're sending them wigs. God, I would love it. AJ would fucking whip you into shape.

I did not know what the Costco guys were until you guys were doing a bit about it on the show such that I had to look up what you were talking about. I love, I was like, I don't know what this is. Wait, have you guys, this is my new favorite thing I'm so glad to bring this, I remember this, Midwestern Food Podcast. Yeah. Yes, we are aware of this.

We hate them. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. They're our enemy. Is it a war? Wait, really? Turf War? Yeah, the little shits that talk about food. Those are the Maryland foodies. Oh sorry, that's what I meant.

That's what I meant, yeah, Maryland foodies. Oh yeah, Maryland foodies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You hate them? I think it's great, I love what they're doing. I think the next generation is in good hands. No, no, no, no, no. Get off our turf, you little fucks.

Whoa. It's basically four, it's like four, like six or seventh graders, and they just go like, what do you like at school? I like the pizza sticks. Oh yeah, cause I kinda like a mozzarella stick, but yeah. But yeah.

On the floor. That's it, that's it. That's it, show's over. That's it, that's over. What did you get? What did you get? To rap on the show. How dare you.

Hold on. What did you get? There's a guy in my fucking yard is he delivering a package setting it off because a guy is in your yard yell at him yell at him do it talk to although now you're gonna invite him hold on I'll deal with him okay great Mitch is gonna yeah but Mitch is typing away at his phone he is going to I guess yell at a possible prowler on his property Hey!

Pfft! Hey! It sounds like you're friends! Hey Jeff! Hold on Hold on? This is good punk testing Hey!

Get out of here! It's too scary And you put it away! You dropped your phone and said it's too scary oh god I thought he was responding oh shit what is he doing in my fucking backyard why is it happening I don't some fucking weirdo do you want to call the neighbor no I, I'm not. He's, he has left. All right. That worked. I scared him away. Was it a delivery person or no? I hope the Maryland, I hope

when we all look at it, it's going to be a little kid getting a ball that accidentally got knocked in there. Wow. I wouldn't. They're coming to you. They're gonna see. Here's the thing, and I just, I have not seen the Maryland Food Kids podcast or any of it, but boy would I love to watch. Whoa. Oh. Weird. I don't love it.

I don't love it. I'm glad that you actually yelled at him. Is that a fenced in area? Where did he get to? Yes, it's a do not enter sign on the front. His lack of any. Did anyone here send somebody to go rob his house? Oh, god.

We got to cut all those bits. Here's what I'll say. Here's what I'll say. I would pay $1,000 to watch each of the, to watch those kids just kick the shit out of Mitch. Ah. They put me down there like, he's got no pubes!

Fuck! Kicking the shot at me. But his dick is gigantic. Look at his, oh, it's a 30-dick! It's a 30-dick! We just happened to be at the right angle! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Wait, you know who I do think you should have on the show, if you haven't already tried, is the guy who is on YouTube, who does, he's the president of the Fast Food Secrets Club. Jordan the Stallion is his name, I think is his channel. And he has all this information about, the secret information about fast food,

recipes, fast food, codes, fast food, all sorts. He'll be like, yeah. You talk about like what you did during the pandemic. I was doing that for Disney, where they would have all these like special drinks that they make and during the pandemic, I was making these special drinks, which were so full of like,

you'd have to get like 15 ingredients. And they're like, oh God, but it was like, all of them were so heavy. They were delicious to make, but it was great. This guy has, he's very funny. He's got a great channel and he will be like, he'll try any new thing that comes out, there was like something,

one of the pizza places had pizzas that looked like skulls, so he went and got it, and then he'll be like, this is, it's good, it's bad, whatever, or then sometimes he'll be like, you know, I tried to buy this in bulk, because I love this thing, and they said no, so here's the recipe, and then he'll just tell you the recipe for McDonald's this, or Wendy's that, and then he'll just tell you the recipe for McDonald's this or Wendy's that.

And then he'll make it and be like, it's incredible. That's more my speed than the very foodie boys and the Shirley Temple King who I also love. Oh, wow. Well, I like the Shirley Temple King. I gotta, now, by the way, that's gonna be required viewing for me. I have to watch this Shirley Temple King.

You do not have to watch this. We don't have to, look, the babyfication of the world and Stranger Things, there's all these little kids. I don't need the kids. Well, the little kids from Stranger Things are big kids. Now Millie Bobby Brown is married. She's an adult. Fuck.

She's an alpaca. Eleven is married. She gets up every, yeah, she wakes up every morning and pets her alpaca. Yeah. That's a real- Eleven is 22. Eleven is 22?

Eleven is 21. She's double her name? I don't know if that's exactly right. I think that feels right. That does feel right. She's double her name? I don't know if that's exactly right. I think that feels right. That does feel right. She's double her name. Wait, this is a, wow, wow, wow. There's so much going on here that I want to stop

and talk about. But all right, well, I'll let you guys continue. Let's get in. Is your hat broken in two? Yeah, what's going on? I see that we're at minute 58, and we really have not started the podcast. Yeah, we got to get in the brass tacks.

But that being said, I will say what I said to you on text, which is when I listened to the Griffin Newman Chuck E. Cheese 2 episode, and it was three hours and 15 minutes, I thought to myself, challenge accepted. I, we must, when Jason and I perform on our show, we have to go over any record. Yes, we for many years held the longest,

we held the record for longest episode of Blank Check. Yes, and I was, I think, beaten out of Yes, and it was I think beaten out of spite. Well, it was first beaten out of spite by Alex Ross Perry, but I believe now Leslie Hedlund owns that. Oh yeah, yeah, she really went long. Over four hours. Yeah, that was a, but that was like discussing a totemic film, right?

Oh, completely, yes, absolutely, it's David Lynch. It's, Mulholland Drive. Oh yeah, that's what it was. I thought it was, Freddy Got Fingered. Yeah. Oh. I would love it if Bl was, yeah. Freddie got fingered. Yeah. Um. I would love it if playing Detective Freddie got fingered.

Yeah. I didn't see that, that popped up on like Mooby or something. It popped up on Criterion. Criterion, that's what it was. Oh, fun, yeah. Yeah, it's been like an artisan reclamation of it. Well, he's got a documentary out now. A stand-up special.

Yeah. Wow. He's like kind of had a little bit of a comeback. The Snow White cottages are not far from here where we're in Mulholland Drive. And where the Imagineers used to live and cheat on their wives. That's what I've been told.

Oh, wow. So they wanted to build the park there so they can kind of have like a side hustle and they could like kind of go to the park during the day, fuck their side pieces and then go home. I think, maybe, yes. And all the dwarfs are based on them. Ha ha ha ha.

There was the other left out bornie. The nine old men, right? It's just weird to think about just like a guy, like, you know, he's drawing a Maleficent, you know, he's like spending all the time like crafting the animation cell for that. And he's like, like, quitting time, gonna go rail my goo ma.

Ha ha ha! That's where that Gelson's is where it was a Walt Disney studio at one point. Yeah, that's weird to think about too. Mm-hmm. Yeah, Tamo Shantor, lovely spot. Y'all fans of Tamo? Love Tamo Shantor.

Tamo Shantor's great. It's where Walt Disney and the animators used to dine. Wigs, I want to tell you about something, and I think you know what it is. My Helix mattress. Wow! That's right, Wiggs. Today's episode is sponsored by Helix Sleep. Now we partnered with Helix Sleep a few years back, right?

That's right. And that's when I got my big old bed. And you know, I'm curious, Mitch, because you have some sleep issues, as do I. You know, so a lot of people have things like snoring, back pain, sleep apnea, sleeping through the night, sleeping too hot. All of the above for me, basically. I have sleep apnea. Look, but more than anything, I want a comfy bed

to sleep the night through, and that's what I got with my Helix Sleep mattress. How has your improved sleep helped improve your everyday life? Well, why? Because I think you've seen it here on the podcast. I'm funnier than I've ever been. I'm quicker witted than I've ever been.

And also, I am, for real, that stuff isn't true. But the other thing, the thing that is true is that I feel more alert during the days. I feel more well rested. I'm not napping like I used to because I get a good night's sleep with that bed. And how has your Helix been an upgrade from your old one? Well, my old bed, boys, it would keep me up at night. It was thick as a board. Stiff as a board, I should say.

I did not get good sleep on that bad boy. This feels like I'm sleeping on a cloud. I got the Helix Moonlight Luxe. That's the mattress that I got when I took the Helix Sleep Quiz, which you can go to the, when you go to the Helix Moonlight Luxe. That's the mattress that I got when I took the Helix Sleep Quiz, which you can go to the, when you go to the Helix website, you can take the Helix Sleep Quiz. They'll match you up with the best mattress for you and they'll send it right to your door. Get 20% off site wide. Go to helixsleep.com slash doughboys.

That's helixsleep.com slash doughboys. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Think about your favorite leaders, mentors, and idols. They don't have all the answers, but they do know when to ask questions or seek support from their community. In a society that glorifies hyperindependence, it's easy to forget that we're all better when we have a support system behind us, Wags. Therapy can be a source of support

for any area of your life. It's time to shift the focus from doing it all to knowing that we're better when we ask for help. Mitch, you and I both benefited from therapy. That's right. We have, Wags. The mind gym. That's what I like to think of it as. Getting some reps for the old noodle. Yeah, I'm going to do some brain squats. Yeah. Do a few sets of deadlifts for the soul. It's helpful for learning positive coping skills and how to set boundaries and powers you to be the best version of yourself. And it isn't just for those who have

experienced major trauma. BetterHelp is fully online making therapy affordable and convenient serving over 5 million people worldwide access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. Cerebellum Situps. Build your support system with BetterHelp visit betterhelp.com slash doughboys today to get 10% off your first month.

That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P dot com slash doughboys. Uh, brain. Sana. Ha ha ha. All right, let's get into Munch Man is 10, the tournament of tournament of champions of champions. Toddcock.

MMX. The rules, as decreed by Commissioner Susser, who seems to be completely checked out at this point. Rule number one, there are no rules. That's right, just like Outback Steakhouse this year, it's no rules, just right. Rule number two, there actually are some rules. Rule number three, everyone is here.

Every winner of every past Tournament of Champions is represented in Munch Madness 10. Rule number four, you got to dance with the one who brought you. Your ticket in is your meal ticket. Every winner of every past tournament of champions is represented in Munch Madness 10. Rule number four, you gotta dance with the one who brought you. Your ticket in is your meal ticket. Every restaurant has multiple categories of food on its menu, only the category it qualified in is eligible. As a way of example, the one of the pizza tournament Domino's can only enter with pizza,

not wings or pasta, et cetera. For today's chains, of course, that means that In-N-Out Burger only gets in for burgers, which is what we're discussing. Not fries. Not fries. Not, nope. And handles, we're only discussing sweet treats,

which is functionally the entire menu, but that's just how it works. I got two sweet treats as handles, just so you know. Wow. We'll talk about it. Yeah, go ahead. I have something to say as well. OK, rule number five, one on fun.

Every matchup will be a one-on-one matchup with each guest getting to pick one item for the competing chains, although I think as long as it's all lined up. Because I also got two different things for me. I love this. Let's let you all interject. Yeah. Well, no, I don't have to interject. I'm lined up, because I also got two different things from it. I love this. Let's let you all interject. Yeah, well, no, I don't have to interject.

I'm just saying, we'll bring it up. Zooks, what were you going to say? Oh, nothing. I got a four scoop sampler from Handle. That is a great thing to get from Handle. I got a four scoop sampler. Here's what I'm going to say. I haven't had a bite, and it's in the freezer.

Wow. I should have brought mine. What a reveal. No, we'll do it later when we, I assume we'll grab a bite? Wow! I should have brought mine. What a reveal. No, we'll do it later when we... I assume we'll... Carbobite? That's why I brought it, you maniac.

Rule number six, the Roger Rabbit slash Judge Doom. Wait, I don't like this rule. I wanna hear this rule. I'm sorry, Wags. I just can... Whenever we edit it together, is it Mike who's gonna edit it, really get that punch in on Mitch's... Mitch, when he found out there was ice cream, he went, can I have some?

Where is it? Can I have some? Now, that's a drop. Make that the next drop. It's really, wow. That was, that's adorable. That's like your Oliver moment. You went into like, sir, may I have some more?

You went into like puss in boots eyes. I do have, as Wig says, a Tommy want wingy mode that I can... A little bit. What's that? From Tommy Boy, when Tommy wants wingy and he gets them to open the fryer back up, you saw me do it a couple times.

I've seen you do it. I saw you, we were at a bar in Nashville that had ended kitchen service, and you convinced them to reopen the kitchen because you wanted a burger. And it was honestly, it was very charming because you turned down the charisma, but also you were so pathetic that they thought,

we'll make this guy a burger. And guess what? The burger was fucking good as hell. Well, yeah, because they put it in a clean grill. They hooked it up, yeah, it was perfect. It was good as hell. It doesn't matter that those people have to stay another two hours.

Yeah, hope you tip. Rule number six, the Roger Raddick sauce. I saw the guy standing at the bus stop and he was like, last bus at the end of the night. I felt bad. You were like, last bus, more like last burger, get to work. Dip gets a slip, sauce is at a loss, you can use sauce, but you can't evaluate sauce in your review.

Not really relevant for our purposes, but you know, just good enough. For the In-N-Out sauce, right, I guess? I guess so, yeah, but it's talking about added sauce, like hot sauce or whatever. Rule number Well, the In-N-Out sauce, right, I guess? I guess so, yeah. But it's talking about added sauce, like hot sauce or whatever. Rule number seven, the dais is denied. The dais, aka the producer's desk's opinions on the competing chains is not to be considered

during the tournament, no exceptions. If this rule is violated, the commissioner, who's MIA, reserves the right to eject members of the dais. Rule number eight, tie goes to the runner. If there's a tie, host and or guest can agree to a foot race around Headgum to decide which side wins. I'd like to see Susser try and get rid of Amelia. Ah.

I'd like to see that she would murder him. Murder him. I think Amelia could get away with whatever she wants, because Susser's never going to say, you got to get. I'd love it. I'd love to see him try and remove Amelia from the studio. It would be immediate flop sweat. He would be so scared.

Amelia, I'm sure, has a switchblade. Uh-oh. I feel like there's so much to see him try and remove Amelia from the studio. It would be immediate flop sweat. He would be so scared. Amelia, I'm sure has a switchblade. Uh-oh. I feel like there's some part of Amelia that somehow to me is also like a 1930s street kid. Right. Amelia is, Amelia, take this in a good way. You're the weirdest person that's ever worked on this show.

And that is truly a high bar. And Wags is on this show. Ah. I had her claims. Or they can offer a deus ex machia, which would be letting the deus decide that rule, then cancel out rule number eight. Rule number nine, hate has no plate here.

Chick-fil-A is officially banned for the tournament, even though it didn't qualify in the first place. And rule number 10, all have what he's having, AKA the Billy Crystal rule, and each around the commissioner reserves the right to have one of the hosts' exact meals. And again, Susser did not exercise rule number one. He's always taken a free meal. He didn't ask for this time.

I don't know what the hell's going on with this guy. I don't know what's happening either. Emma, do we know what's going on with Susser? The commissioner's actually here. Oh, he is. He's here. What the hell? I'm surprised that he didn't come for food early.

Yeah, I know, I know. Is it because we're getting to the actual meat of the podcast so late? Yeah, I know. Exactly. Let's let the commissioner in here. S Yeah, I know, exactly. Maybe, maybe. Let's let the commissioner in here. Susser, come on in. Wait a minute.

Oh, wait, wait. Hold on. Hold on, this is not. That's not Susser. Wait, hold on. Oh my god. Coming over to sit on the couch. Oh my god.

As Demi has displayed. It's Deputy Commissioner Yu Song. Oh my god. Yu Song. Whoa. What a wonderful surprise. So good to see you, buddy. I wish I was here under better circumstances. Oh, no, what's wrong? What does that mean? Also? Great outfit this fit is killing. I love it. Thank you. It is my sad duty to announce that

Commissioner Evan Susser has suddenly passed away Commissioner Evan Susser has suddenly passed away. Yes! Oh my god! Yes! Oh my god! Yes! Oh my god! Finally! This is so, I mean this is crazy news to hear. Great day. I'm a dear friend of almost 20 years.

I'm so glad I was here for this. As such, it now falls upon me, the humble deputy commissioner, to read this sealed letter that Susser has left behind in the event of his death. Wow. Oh, wow. Wow. I just want to say that.

You're going to need that, Mike. My good friend, Susser. My good friend. You were cheering when I found out that my good friend Susser's... Everyone processes in a close friend. Did you want me to clear space for your emotional responses? No, we all respond in our own ways, but really it... This is upsetting. What's going on?

You put this in a reused business envelope, I guess? From Kaiser Permanente? Wow. There's stains on that? Oh wait, someone wrote, someone wrote, Susser Permanente in the background. Get a close up on that. So Susser wrote Susser Permanente.

Please sell that. I will say, when you pointed that out and showed it to camera, Amelia and Emma, high five. I think if you make merch, you should sell return addresses. Susser Permanente. Your offices should be somehow like Susser Permanente based.

I love it. We do need to, for a second, acknowledge that our friend has died. Susser Permanente based. I love it. We do need to for a second acknowledge that our friend has died. Oh, okay. Susser is dead. I go and walks with this guy all the time. I see him all the time, text with him every day. I've known him forever.

This is really, yeah. This is really a lot to hear. Do we know, do we know, Yusong, what he died of? I believe that it all should come clear in the letter. Oh, great, great, great, great. Can we guess? To Deputy Commissioner Yusong, the Doughboys, and all of our colleagues at our current podcast

network, Feral Audio. Oh, wow. So this has been a while. A while ago, yeah. He wrote it. He must have known for a while. Yeah. Or I honestly think he just didn't know what the head gum was called, possibly.

He thought we were stealing Feral Audio. I think it's old. I'm going to write a brief note, after which I will not be taking any questions. If you are reading this letter, it means I am no longer with you. As such, you will need a new commissioner of the Tournament of Champions, in the Tournament of Champions.

And so, Deputy Commissioner Yu-Sung, you shall be in charge of electing a new commissioner by convening a comclave. Whoa. Comclave. I've only heard about this. What is that for comedy? I think for this show it should be comclave.

I don't want to punch this bit up in the moment, but you're blowing it. It should say comclave. Full stop. I feel like the comclave, I think for me it's like a portmanteau of commissioner and conclave. I think that's where we're going. Oh, so that's what Susser meant when he wrote this. I think it was Susser meant when he wrote Comclave in that letter that's been sealed.

Even knowing that, my punch up is better. I mean, it could be, maybe it turns into a Comclave. It might turn into a Comclave. Comclave, I would like to just, I just want to say that I do own the rights to that, and I'm working on something. Comclave? Yes. I also have a GoFundMe and anyone can be in that one.

I own the rights to the cum glaive, which is the weapon from Krull, the bladed weapon from Krull, only it's covered in cum. Yeah. Paolo Dracula be in your movie? Yeah, you're gonna throw, not root beer on him, something else. Oh, shit.

Poor Yu-Sung. He's excited about it. Poor Yu-Sung entered the show and it's just. Yu-Sung, I apologize, you have more of this letter to read. So sorry. Oh, and plus, well, Yu-Sung must be experiencing so many emotions. He must, yeah.

My grief is so complicated right now. I'm laughing, but this is not a laughing matter. Well, you've known it for a little bit of time. You've known it for a little bit, but also perhaps this opens the window for yourself, which you have to be thinking about. It does make me question if Yu Song would cry if Suser really died.

I'm not sure. I think Yu Song is a gentle, sensitive soul. I think he would actually shed a tear for a good friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I would try to put on a stoic face. That's a good answer to say no. It's what Suser would want. Yeah, yeah. I think so too. I gave you some advice on that. That's a good answer to say no. It's what Susser would want.

Yeah, yeah. I think so too. I'll give you some advice on that. Mm-hmm. The secret council of Doughboy's insiders, known as the Shartanels, shall gather at the Vatican to vote by a series of secret ballots. They will also be ordering food,

so we probably need to raise the limit on the Doughboy's corporate card. Yeah, hi, I'll have a number two with a large heicy orange and add a six piece big nuggets and an Oreo McFlurry. Ah no, the ice cream machine isn't working. Wait, was he at a drive through while he was writing the letter? There's at least three different comedy games being played in this letter. I'm already into it. I added that one that bombed.

By the way. You added what you added? Wait, you punched this out? This is starting to make more sense. Our friend's heartfelt letter telling us what to do in his passing. You should always have somebody punch up your death letter. I always bring it out.

I hope. By the way, if you guys want me to look at your suicide notes. It's great. Anyway, may the cum clave Wow. Select who is most worthy of this heavy burden in Dave Thomas's name, Commissioner Susser.

P.S. I can neither confirm nor deny the rumor that Ariana Grande will voice Amy Rose in Sonic the Hedgehog 4. That would be good casting. I love that. Oh, wow. You sung. That is really...

Wow. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. Of course. I apologize if the burden falls to you, but who knows what's going to happen on the other side of this comclave. Thank you so much for being here. Do you have anything you'd like to plug? It would be so inappropriate for me to take this somber moment to plug anything.

Right. But you can find me on Twitch and YouTube at yuunderscore.song and we just hit 10k subscribers. We got some subscribers, ready? Come on, 10k, that's pretty good. But let's get 3,000 more subscribers when this episode drops. Do it! I'm just upset that Evan didn't mention my performance in the Sonic Universe. The SCU, Sonic Cinematic Universe, as I am now in it and I just feel like

I would have loved to have a little shot of that. I'm still pissed because I was supposed to be in it because I was supposed to voice the teeth. Oh wow. I was meant to voice Sonic's teeth. But then when they redid all the art, I don't fit in my little mouth. They took me out, they took my whole part out.

Wow. And thank God Yu-S They took my whole part out. Wow. And thank God Usong had that whole outfit ready to go. Yeah, you look like a million bucks. He's one of the Chartenos. Not to peek behind the curtain too much, but I loved that Usong showed up today. Amelia pulled all of this stuff out of a brown bag and he was like, yep, I'll put it all on.

Immediately just such yes and spirit. I think Usong thought and he was like, yep, I'll put it all on. Just immediately just such yes and spirit. Also, Usong thought that he was like, oh yeah, I'll just sit on the side for the first five, 10 minutes and then I'll jump in and do this bit. And it's now like a 90 minutes in. And he was like, I have to go home and help your girlfriend who's just moved.

And he's just been listening to us argue over dumb bits. I saw him sitting there. He looked sad. He was stressing. He's stressing. He had to cancel multiple things. Oh, my wife would be so mad right now. But I just pop in at the beginning of the show.

They just seen me for an hour. It's not even. It's like, and now they're keeping me there? And don't let them make you wear something stupid. They won't. You have 10k subscribers. Do not make them dress you up. Don't get rid of them yet.

We're really having fun. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha covering nearby the covers of my video. Wow. He did not even hear. Wow, wow, wow. Wow. Yusong Liu, thank you so much. Thank you so much for having me on this somber occasion, everyone. Thank you, thank you. Great work, Yusong.

Please help your girlfriend move in that costume, please. You ran out of here, ran out of here. Sprinted, could not get out of here fast enough. So behind. Yeah. What I was gonna get out of here fast enough. So late, so behind. Yeah. What I was gonna ask you before, and I just remembered it, I know you're a Lakers fan,

and I saw, I was at Staples Center or Crypto.com or Microsoft Co-Pilot Arena, whatever you wanna call it, and I saw that there's a Doritos restaurant. That's right, they do have a Doritos late night restaurant. I forget exactly what it's called. It's because it has like a late night sort of theme to it. And it's in a space that used to be a different bar. Like a bar, yeah.

I've seen some people order food from there and it looks truly noxious. Yeah, because I just saw that they also in Italy, they just created a Doritos gelato that looked disgusting. Wow, that sounds hard. But I'm the Dorito kid. I love a Dorito. I mean.

Hey, when you were talking about, first of all, I remember standing at that first Shake Shack in line, I think for a Del Close marathon, I went and visited it. But also, I remember back in the day, seeing early, uh, human giant footage at, uh, at UCB. Because I was in, this is 2005, 2006 or whenever it was. 2006 or 2007, somewhere. 2005 or six, yeah, six, probably six. Yeah, yeah. And, uh, that Dorito sketch, one of my favorites, one of the, one of was, 2006 or 2007, somewhere. 2005 or six, probably six.

Yeah, yeah. And that Doritos sketch, one of my favorites. One of the best sketches. Oh yeah, a really funny sketch, John Glaser writer of that sketch. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, I'm pretty positive that that was a John Glaser sketch and then we just, and then,

or that was the premise of it and then we just kind of came around, yeah. Jimmy is weighing switching couches. We'll see if it happens. Yeah, there was a, John Glaser, I saw do an audition once for something in which he, you will like this, I think, because it's related to that time on Human Giant,

where during the course of the entire piece of the, the entire audition, he mined, unramping and eating a sub. Oh. In such detail. That it was one of, truly this is, I saw this 15 years ago, one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life.

John Glaser has a bit that I remember, it was at South by Southwest, he did it. He gets up on stage and he says, he's the only, uh, dream comedian. And then he starts to tell you his dream and it's very much like a normal dream. There's nothing funny about it. It's like, yeah, I'm flying. And I see this person looks like my teacher, but then she turned

is actually my sister and it goes on and on. And this is like now. 10 minutes past 15 minutes past, we're probably at 20 minutes. And then he's like, and then I'm on a plane and the plane crashes. And, and we're We probably had 20 minutes and he's like, and then I'm on a plane and the plane crashes and we're in, you know, and he does this whole bit about the plane crashing. He's walking around and seeing all the people dying.

And then he sees in this one area, the black box of the plane. And he was like, oh, nothing happened to this black box. And I thought to myself, why didn't they make the whole plane out of the black box? Yeah. Yeah. It was 20 minutes to get to that joke,

but nothing, it was like, thank you. That's so funny. Delocated, were you on Delocated? No. No, you never did it? No, I wish. I fucked up, all right.

Delocated and John Glaser loves gear Yeah to incredible show amazing shows the Doritos restaurant is called Doritos after dark That is it's steaming and some of the items that has the Doritos spicy sweet chili chicken bites the Doritos flaming hot nacho veggie dumplings Doritos after dark wags are you eating it in the daytime? I'm talking just regular Doritos more more a more a daytime thing This is the one I saw someone get the Dor Doritos Nachos, Nacho Cheese Messy Taquitos. Oh, that's too, yeah. Yeah, there's just too much going on there. I got into kind of a, I think of myself as a good parent,

and when kids come over to our house, I try to be very gracious to them. But there was one kid, I pulled out some Doritos, and I said, you want some Doritos? And he's like, no, it's got red dye, it's gonna give you cancer. Oh my God. And I looked at him and I said, you know what? I don't care.

I'm just gonna have to eat that Doritos. More for me. Ah, it's like it really bummed me out and I didn't know what to do and I got aggressive. I said, wow. He's gonna learn that lesson sooner or later. Is it after dark because it's only open late It really bummed me out. I didn't know what to do, and I got aggressive. I said, wow. He deserves it. He's got to learn that lesson sooner or later. Is it after dark because it's only

open late night in the arena? Or not late night, but in the latter? No. Why frame it like that? I think it's like it's kind of like a dinner place. Yeah. I think that's where it's also too horny. It makes it sound too horny.

Yeah, after dark makes it feel like Peach Pit after dark. Right. Well, it's adult Doritos. Because when you dark makes it feel like Peach Pit after dark. Right. Well, it's adult Doritos. Because when you were a kid, you're eating Doritos out of bag. Now you're going to restaurants, and Doritos are like a fucking adult. This is my problem.

They're trying to make too many things that are for kids. Somehow they're trying to convince adults, it's OK to still eat these. It's OK to still eat kid stuff. All you want is kid stuff, I feel like. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that. Well, we were talking about the kid stuff. All you want is kid stuff, I feel like. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that. Well, we were talking- What does make up the kid stuff?

We were talking about cereal earlier, and that's a thing that's happened, is because a lot of parents are like, they don't want their kids eating sugary breakfast cereals. They're much more cautious about it these days than they were when any of us were kids. And so now what's happening is, and you'll see this happening with cereal marketing,

they have started to target their pitch towards adults with nostalgia. Yeah, oh, totally. Right, so you can go, you can eat this, you fucking fat-o. Yeah. And, uh... Bringing back old mascots or old,

making it feel like it is like an 80s or a 90s. And they try to treat it like dessert sometimes too. They're like, eh, have it for fun after dinner. You can have dessert after dinner. And it's like, ah. But I also think that after dark marketing is partly like, it's the same thing Jack in the Box does. It's like a coated like stoner food thing.

Yes, 100%. Oh, that's absolutely. But Jack in the Box is definitely, but this is like only in the, like it's a freestanding restaurant. Like I think that they're trying to class it up. Look, I will say I do follow Taco Bell on Instagram and I did see that they have announced their Baja Blast is getting a midnight flavor

coming out this summer. Oh yeah. So I mean, there you go. I mean, I think they actually have an alcoholic Baja Blast at that Doritos place. Something's happening here. Jimmy is just like locked into me. Yeah, you guys are.

Challenge me to a staring contest. It's like when an animal sees the Terminator, it's the same difference. When you see it through Jimmy's eyes, there's nothing there. It is. I won. Yeah. You're looking at the dog and you see all these different

things, you can say, fuck you, asshole. Woof, woof, woof, woof, I'll be back, woof. By the way, I've heard the sales of that Doritos after our place have gone through the roof since Luca came to town. Is he a, that fucking fat ass is eating there every night? I'm wearing his shoes. As soon as he got traded, I was like,

does Luca have a signature shoe? He does, can I find a pair on sale? And that's what I'm wearing right now. Wait, the Lakers have drafted Luca Guadagnino? Yes. They have, they do. The director of Challengers and Queer? Yeah.

Is playing for the Lakers. Maybe I'll get into sports. Now instead of LeBron clapping with the chalk, he actually just makes out with one of the rest. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which did you like better from last year,

Challengers or Queer? I liked them both. They were both my top 10. You know, it was interesting. I, that's an interesting one. I think Challengers. Yeah, that was so fun. Yeah. was interesting. I, that's an interesting one. I think Challengers. Yeah, that was so fun. Yeah, so fun.

I think that like there's something about Challengers where I didn't like it at first and then I really like, in the watching of it, I was like, what is this? Yeah. And then I was like, oh, I know I get it and I really like it. I liked it in the first watch.

I loved it on the rewatch. I said I had to rewatch it. And the queer was, I was like, queer blew me. I was like, this is so good. I can't believe this is like his other movie in the same year. Well, same year. Incredible. But it got shut out at the was like, this is so good. I can't believe this is like his other movie in the same year. Same year. Incredible.

But it got shut out at the Academy Awards, which is so odd. I was like, did he cancel himself out? Because they're both very good movies. Oh, yeah. And I think he chose to try and make queer the awards, put that on the awards track, and kind of like left challengers out, I feel like.

But challengers came out definitely earlier, I don't know how earlier. The Celtics just signed Brady Corbet, Corbet? Corbet, from The Brutalist. Yeah, The Brutalist guy. The director of The Brutalist. I'm just, they're trying, they're like reacted to. They got another Brady.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Brady Corbet, I remember that somebody in the Chris Gethard universe, I think it was Patrick Hottenwar, posted a clip. Brady Corbet, I remember that somebody in the Chris Gethard universe, I think it was Patrick Hottemeyer, posted a clip of Brady Corbet at the Chris Gethard show. There was a You Can't Laugh episode where if you laughed, you got kicked out of the audience. And he laughed.

He was in the audience? You watch him like walk out with that. Oh, that's very funny. It's a really great moment. Wow. That's hilarious. To think of him actually probably working on The Brutalist at that point,

because I think it's been like a 10 year journey. Oh yeah, that's crazy to think about. Yeah. Did you like Brutalist? I loved it. I really liked it. I haven't seen it yet. I saw it at the end of the movie.

That's one of the ones I haven't seen. There's like two or three that I still haven't seen. I love the first half of it. It's split into two discrete halves with an intermission and definitely I think, Mitch, you and I are on the same page with liking the first half more. I overall still like the movie just for its ambition,

but we don't need to talk about any further because it was just so insane. I do not care about spoilers, so if there's a good conversation to be had, please have. Here's what I'll say about it. Wax and I won't give you a good one. No, I've heard your blank check episode.

I really, I think what I enjoyed about it was, and maybe it's just like, I feel like all these movies are so long that when you give me an intermission, like The Hateful Eight had an intermission, I'm so thankful for it, I'm like, give me a second to go out, go have a bath, and be refreshed, I'm not worried about the end of the movie.

I feel like I came into that second half in a way where I was so happy that if I would have watched it at home, I think I would have put them too close together, and I would not have enjoyed the second half, where I came in kind of fresh, excited for the second half. And I, I don't know. I hear what you're saying though.

I wanna, I will shout out Luca Guadagnino's movie, A Bigger Splash. I've never seen it. As one of my. Wow, the sequel to Splash? It's the, yes, it's the. Whoa. Well, he's actually much like Hateful Eight

because Tarantino cut Hateful Eight into like a four episode, a longer four episode cut that's on, I think Netflix or something. Guadagnino is doing a cut of a bigger splash that's called The Biggest Splash or something like that, that is a longer cut of this movie. And the movie is incredible. Is this real?

It's a real movie. It's a real movie. It's Tilda Swain, oh, came out before Call Me By Your Name. Oh wow, okay. It's the movie, it's his movie before, or two before Call Me By Your Name. Oh, wow. It's the movie, it's his movie before, or two before Call Me By Your Name. I can't remember. Either way, it's Ralph Fiennes, it's Tilda Swinton, it's Dakota Johnson.

Tilda Swinton plays a David Bowie-esque superstar singer, like a rock star, right? Who, at the beginning of the movie, has vocal cord surgery and so cannot talk for the whole movie. And turns in one of the most electric performances you've ever seen. It's wildly good.

Oh wow, we gotta watch that. It's great and Ray Fiennes is nuts in it and is a blast. Casey, a bigger splash? Haven't seen it. Get fucked. Uh. Uh. Uh.

Uh. Uh. Uh. I also, by the way, can I just take a timeout and just say, I can't believe we lost our good friend, Evan Susser. I can't believe Evan Susser died. Wow. But you know what?

I think that he would have loved to have us talk about Luca going to the Lakers and stuff like that. Just keep the show going, right? Like, you know, you got it. He would have wanted the tournament to continue. This was his passion. But who's going to take over? Who's in the cum clave?

Oh, yeah. Oh, there's a lot of Chardonnals. Jared from Subway is a Chardonnall. He's in there. Tip-tup, the turtle. Wait, did Trump pardon Jared? Did Trump pardon Jared? No, I've been writing to him and asking him to do it.

But I know that his pants got a pardon. His pants didn't get a pardon. And they got a new home. Ah! pardon and they got a new home everybody was wondering how those pants got to January 6th on Mitch's body the journey of Jared's pants I bet you there is a man out there who's wearing Jared's pants somewhere well someone's owns someone owns them someone oh I'm sure someone must have Roger Ebert yeah like that's the thing that Roger Ebert might have bought.

Not that, no, I'm just saying that he bought them. Wait, why? To satisfy which of his collections. I know, well, that's like, all I remember is Roger Ebert one time showing off his house or his apartment, and he did have the Staying Alive costume prominently displayed on a mannequin in his house. I was like, that's an odd choice to be like, okay.

That might have been his all-time favorite movie or something. Okay, yeah, definitely a Saturday Night Fever. Yeah, I think it was, yeah. But yeah, it's an interesting choice to have a full outfit on display. But if I had a Jared pants, I mean, that would be a great thing to have in your house.

It's like you're not supporting Jared, but you're supporting the pants. You're supporting a zeitgeist. If you come to Headgum, just like if you go to AMC, there's the costume. If you come here, there's a manne're not supporting Jared, but you're supporting the pants. You're supporting a zeitgeist. If you come to Head Gum, just like if you go to AMC, there's like the costume. If you come here, there's a mannequin wearing a Jared, a full Jared costume, worn by Jared in this commercial. I think that probably, if I had to guess,

John Lovitz probably owns the pants, because he was also a Subway spokesperson. Oh, wow. So I think- Maybe that was a perk. Yeah, it was probably a perk. You get a pair of Jared's pants. I think they're in the Smithsonian. So we're that was a perk. Yeah, it was probably a perk. You get a pair of church pants.

I think they're in the Smithsonian. So we're talking about the Baby Bitch region, Handles versus In-N-Out Burger. It was named the Burger Boy region originally, but Mitch wanted to name one region. So that was your spiteful rename. In-N-Out won the very first tournament back in 2016. I meant that glowingly.

Well, by the way, can I just ask one question about Handles? Is that a California only? No, handles is from Youngstown, Ohio originally. It is a Midwest chain. And it only recently in the past 10 years expanded to California. I've never seen it or heard of it really until you guys recently did it with Anise, right?

I have not. It's a newest chain. When it opened in our neighborhood, we were so excited. We ran down there and yeah, it was great. Big fans. Handles by way of subbing in, it defeated in an Eden match, Dairy Queen, which was the winner of 2021's Pie Noon. So now it is the dessert champion. It kicked the shit out of Dairy Queen,

which I like Dairy Queen, but it just really destroyed Dairy Queen. It was kind of embarrassing for Dairy Queen. So I love both of these chains. It was the truth, right? It was bad. Yes, it was. Dairy Queen's another one of those things that has fallen off of the cliff.

It's fallen off quite a bit. And you see a lot of their locations are just treat centers, so they just have the dessert side or they're hybrid. Well, thank God. Thank God, because guess what I don't want to see? Someone getting food from a Dairy Queen. No, I agree.

You know what I mean? It's sad when somebody's walking away with a hot Someone getting food from a Dairy Queen. No, I agree. You know what I mean? It's sad when somebody's walking away with a hot dog or a burger at Dairy Queen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hard disagree. I used to love the burgers. Used to.

Yeah, I would get that all the time as a kid. When I was a kid. That's what I'm saying. Back then, maybe. Where do you eat just the hot dog without the bun? Always. It was a bun without a hot dog. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. It was a bun without a hot dog. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. The year that he was vegetarian.

That was vegetarian and we did a hot dog once. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I was just eating buns. But, yeah, I went to Nathan's famous. No, he usually just puts his head on the counter and they'll slide one in his mouth. Oh, yeah.

I have done the hot dog no bun is like an at-home lunch before. That's funny. Oh, yeah. I've done that as a kid. Right, but the hot dogs. Yeah, it as a child, another child thing. It was an easy thing to make. You pop them in the boiling water, you pop them out and they're good, yeah. But Dairy Queens, and there are also a lot of them, are hybrid Orange Juliuses.

So they're not even like, it's like, and it's mostly an Orange Julius that also has some Dairy Queen treats. I went to a Dairy Queen maybe two weeks ago. It was like, we were driving around with the kids and I was with them, I was like, this were driving around with the kids and I was with them. I was like, this will be fun. And I was surprised that the way it was,

it was not in high, you know, it looked like it was falling apart. But you know, I went there for the Blizzard, which I think that Handels is trying to also steal, I guess everybody's stealing the Blizzard. They are, yeah, Handels has their own Blizzard. They have their own Blizzard. Hurricane?

Hurricane, yeah. Which I got one last night. Also, my nickname in football was Hurricane Mitch. That's right. Why? Because Hurricane Mitch was happening at the same time. There was a Hurricane Mitch. There was a Hurricane Mitch, and then also,

I was really not good at football, so it was kind of like an ironic joke that I was Hurricane. They're like, get in there, Hurricane Mitch, and then I'd like get knocked over. All right. That's kind of what it was. Wags, I got a hurricane. Wow, you did.

Yes, last night. I got one too. Well, it kind of turned into a fight between Wags and I, because I really was like, what do you want from handles? And then I was like, get this. And then Wags was like, you should come in at 1.30 if you want to get ice. How about get this, please?

How about please? How about that? Get this. Get this. It's like you should come in at 1 30 if you want to get this, please Now But that's also the way she has like what do you want like she does we have a good report You did write what What Do You Want, King? Well, that's the case. And I think I said, get this. I'll see what I said. But you were like, no, no, no. I only recognize one king in this country.

You on must? We had, so here's what I would say, Mitch. It was typically what we do when we eat at studio before we record is we get in a little bit earlier. You were like, even though we're going to, since it's just ice cream, I can get in right at, when we're starting our record, and then I'll just eat the ice cream real quick, and then we'll just do the episode.

I was like, if we're gonna do that, we should just get in a little bit earlier, so we make sure we start on time. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Chastising me on the Doughboys channel for everyone. You brought it up! You brought it up! I think it should be 1.30.

Fuck off, I got it at home, because I didn't wanna deal with you, when you fucking yelling at me. Here's what I for everyone. You brought it up. I think it should be 130. Fuck off, I got it at home because I didn't want to deal with you when you fucking yelling at me. I got it at home. I wasn't even yelling at you. Here's what I'll say. I was the first one here. You absolutely were.

First one here. Eating my In-N-Out alone in the lunchroom. Where were you Wags, huh? Well, we were going to record it too. I showed up at 140. I didn't have anything neat though. I came at 147. That's right, we were gonna record it too. I showed up at 1.40. I didn't have anything neat, though. I came at 1.47. That's right, you were here early.

Impressive. And I ate my Jersey, my mini Jersey Mike sub. Yep. Which is eliminated from the tournament. Tournament. Um, I, uh... Just your unrelated lunch. I, I, I, over...

Is that what you call it? Your mini, your mini Jersey Mike sub? Yeah. Jesus Christ. Mini Mike. I have so much affection and so much nostalgia for In-N-Out Burger. I grew up in Southern California. I have been going since I was a little boy.

For me, that was good report card. We're going to In-N-Out Burger. So I have so much loyalty to this shit. So you didn't go too often? Fucking dumbass. What? It's going all. Ah. Ah. It's going all the time.

This is a, uh. Says the product of the Quincy school system. I'm sorry you went to private school. Oh, no. First of all. Private school, Mitch. No, no, no. First of all, that is not true.

He can recognize the United States on a map. Don't worry about it. Oh, yeah. Don't worry. Mansion Mitch went to private school. Not Mansion Mitch. I got placed in advanced placement in sixth grade and I went in there and they said, how many states are there?

And I said 52 and the whole class laughed at me. It was, or how many stars were on the flag? And I said 52, the whole class laughed at me. I thought Alaska and Hawaii got added. Well, I was a kid, I was in sixth grade, who gives a shit? By the way, that you should definitely, my kids are in second and fifth grade, and they got that one.

Uh, like sixth grade is not a, you know, they're in 50 states. Those are California kids. Mitch is grading on a Massachusetts kid. My mom insists, my sister's a principal at an elementary school, and my mom was an English teacher at North Quincy High School,

where I went. A great educational system. I got sent to private school for one year. It was the worst year of my life. I'm surprised you said 52 and not 13. Uh... I only recognize the colonies. Uh... All right, so this is a favorite for you.

Well, no, I'm just saying, like, that's my bias going in. I want to acknowledge nostalgia. I think In-N-Out Burger, to me, Mitch, is for you, like, no, I'm just saying, like, that's my bias going in. I want to acknowledge nostalgia. I think In-N-Out Burger, to me, Mitch, is for you, like what Pizzeria Regina is, right? Like it's a place you have childhood affection for and that you continue to love as an adult. I think the quality has maintained the same.

Like I bite into that and I think this tastes the same as I remember as a kid. And I think you feel the same way, at least about the original Pizzeria Regina. Yeah, and look, we've talked about it. You can't get In-N- out on the apps or anything like that. It's app free, basically, which is probably a good thing. But this is the issue that I have with In-N-Out.

And I'm gonna go a little bit on a rollercoaster on this. It's hard to get In-N-Out. Like, it's like, there are, like, I was once in traffic, and I realized I'm not in traffic. I'm just in a line for In-N-Out that's stretched so far down that I am now caught in this. And you know, even yesterday, middle of the day, going during rain, which is actually very good,

still I went inside, it was easier to go inside, but it was like, that line is killer. And it prevents me from going more than that, because it's like, well I don't have time for an hour long wait and then get it. I think that's good. I like that and I like that it's not on delivery apps. And I like that because to me,

a little bit of the way we were talking about, and I've never had Shake Shack, but a little bit of the way we were talking about Shake Shack is, oh, you were there visiting, so you made it purposeful choice to go and check it out and see it. That's how I felt about In-N-Out because I didn't have In-N-Out until I came here

for pilot season for the first time in 2003 or 2004, and it was built up. It was like a, you've gotta go and check out In-N-Out. And for me, I'm not a fast food person. I don't have McDonald's or Burger King or Wendy's or anything like that, but In-N-Out to me is fast food, like, that I'll have just from the jump.

Like, that's a treat, fast food, because I'll have just from the jump. Like that's a treat fast food because I don't feel disgusting after. Well, yeah, it doesn't make it. Oh yeah, for sure. It's a very good, like it's a good tasting one. And I just think it's like, it's, it isn't fast food. I guess that's not my argument is it's not fast food because the amount of time you have to wait

prolongs it from eating fast food, which is fine. It doesn't equate, but it's like, it is not built, that drive-through line is not built right, but it's like, it is not built, that drive-through line is not built right. Like it's like, that drive-through line is built like a Starbucks drive-through line. And it's like, I've never seen a line shorter than half a block down the block.

I don't think they have enough locations to satisfy peak demand, is the thing. So there's such a huge volume of customers. And yesterday- It's an issue. Yesterday was a thing that I experienced. I also went to, I sat in the drive-through in the rain and I set a stopwatch, I believe it was 35 minutes before I got my food.

It was a lengthy wait. So it can be commitment, other parts of the country, the raisin canes, the chick-fil-a's, whatever is near you, you might experience the same sort of thing, just those super back-to-drives. And I've had the same, obviously. Like today I went and probably took me 20 to 30 minutes front to back. you might experience the same sort of thing, just those super back-to-drive things. I've also, and I've had the same, obviously. Like today I went and probably took me 20 to 30 minutes,

front to back, getting it all. But to me, I've also been to up and down California coast, been to a bunch of different In-N-Outs, probably a dozen different In-N-Outs over the years. I've never had, that's a bad one. I've never been like, oh, that was shitty, or that was a bad version of this. So if that's the trade-off, like there's fewer of them

and it's harder to get to, or you have to wait a little bit, but I also don't drive away and eat a shitty burger. Okay, I'll take it. Well, now here's what I would recommend. And this is not part of the competition criteria, but if I was to recommend anything, I would say, let's have a, I'm not gonna fuck with it line. Like, you know, so you just be making burgers. You know, it's like, cause it's like,

they're like, I went in there and I got a number two. No, give it to me the way it's on the menu. You're not doing animal style. You're not adding chopped chilies. I just went there. And I think if you like, they should reward that. Like, and it should be like, big. The regular order.

Yeah, it's like, and I get it. That's what makes it so good. It's like, it's cooked to order. It's all right there. But actually, I think it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, ring. The regular order. Yeah, it's like, and I get it. That's what makes it so good. It's like, it's cooked to order. It's all right there.

But I got everybody adding all this different shit on there. It's like, this can be the, we should be rewarded for the simplicity of it, I think. I like that idea, like a fast pass, like a dashed line. It's just for the default options. I wonder if that would speed things up at all. And I also feel like a lot of people would opt for, because I think there are people who like to customize,

but like me don't feel strongly about it. Like I usually add, I do add chopped chilies cause I'm a bit of a heat seeker. But if it was a faster line for me not to do it, I would just go with it. Sometimes you would choose that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Absolutely.

Well, that's, and sometimes I do think that the, off the menu, the secret menu, which was so fun to find out about before the internet really blew up, because it's like, oh wait, what do you ask for? Oh, I asked for this. I love all that sort of stuff. But sometimes I think you actually mess up the burger.

It's the same way I find with Dutch Brothers Coffee. There's all these like secret menu items on Dutch Brothers Coffee. Which are- Wait, really? I didn't know about this. Big time. I don't even know what Dutch Brothers Coffee is.

Is there one near you? Is there someone in LA? Is there? They're not in LA proper. Didn't we go to Dutch Brothers? I've been to a Dutch Brothers in the airport, but I did not know about the secret venue. All right, so Dutch Brothers is,

I guess it maybe started in Oregon. Okay. And my kid does a lot of soccer tournaments. So just outside of it, like 45 minutes, that's like the trip to LA, where we're going. And he's a kid ref, right? Yeah, and he's great. He's good, he's fair.

He's fair and he teaches the kids too. I only got him on that track. A lot of kids, it's like, you can't make a living being a professional athlete, but you can make a living being a professional ref. More people are gonna be refs. Then, yeah, and then he's got upset with us at first, but now he gets it.

So I find I bump into a lot of Dutch brothers on those trips. So I'm always like, it's like, oh, whoa, there's a Dutch brothers. And sometimes I'll, I have just gotten a Starbucks. I'm like, Dutch brothers, I'm chucking this and getting, because it's a real treat. But yeah, the Dutch brothers secret menu.

What have we got? Oh, it's, it is like the Dutch brothers menu. The secret one is just giant. It's just a way of like, people have made their own drinks. They've made their own caffeinated beverages that are not coffee. They're kind of their Red Bulls. It's truly endless and overwhelming.

But I also find that when I go on there and I get the secret menu, it's not as good as the actual thing on the menu. It's interesting. Because I, look, my In-N-Out Burger, it's the way I treat the Muppets. No animal, no deal. I I treat the Muppets. No animal, no deal.

I don't want it. Wow, interesting. If there's no animal in the movie, I'm not going to see it. Wow, how many Muppet movies have not had no animal? Oh, no Dr. Teeth. If there's no Dr. Teeth, I'm not interested. How many Muppet movies have not had animal? So far, they all have had animal.

I was gonna say, yeah. So I've been lucky in that way. I've been blessed. But is that more than? It's an interesting line to draw, since there has been no demarcating something that's never happened. That is true.

By that logic, you love every Muppet movie. That is also kind of true. Except for the last one that I saw, the last movie I saw with my dad. Yes. Before he passed. Before he passed. Before he passed. We wheeled him in under bed and we watched the Muppet movie

at the Hingham Shipyard. That's where we were. I'm familiar with it. And I remember we left and we went to... That's where they built the Titanic, right? That is where they built the Titanic. And your dad didn't like it. My dad, we went to, and we went to Wahlbergers afterwards.

Wow. The original? Yeah. That was the original. The original? Yeah, that is the original. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is Animal in Christmas Carol? What does he do? Yeah, Animal. He just pops up.

He might have been one of the ghosts or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, yeah, yeah. He's the best of two! I think, honestly, he does say that. Because they have original Muppets. Like, that's the whole thing that I remember. I'm not a Muppets guy, but like Because they have original Muppets. That's the whole thing that I remember. I'm not a Muppets guy, but they have original Muppets

playing the three ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Great movie. I liked it a lot. We've now seen it. He's never seen the Muppet movie. You like animal style.

That's right. Boy. Yeah. I like animal style. I always order animal style when I go to In-N-Out. And that's what I did, again, this trip. How did that pilot season go? Your first one? Terrible. Oh, it went terribly trip. How did that pilot season go? Your first one? Did it go...

Terrible. Oh, it went terribly? Terrible. Every pilot season for me went terrible. They're all bad. I came out for years during, like, prime pilot season. You know, I auditioned for, speaking of Jason Segel, I auditioned for How I Met Your Mother, that role for How I Met Your Mother.

I auditioned for everything in that era. Got nothing, tested for nothing, got nothing. Really heartbreaking. That makes me feel good because it's like, there is a thing where you're like, I never, I didn't really ever do pilot season out here. I auditioned for one show, which was Modern Family. I don't even know if that ever got picked up.

And... And... And... And... And... And... But yeah, it was like every, like there were these like people that were just like on these roles where they would

just end it's like, ah, you just feel like you can't get in. But also was the end of network pilot season proper where there was a tremendous amount of work in that small amount of time. And you felt like if I don't book something in these six to eight weeks, I'm not gonna work for the next year. I wouldn't book anything.

And I'd drive myself back to New York and be like, what a bummer. You'd drive across the street. I would drive back and forth. Wow. Are you not a flyer? No, it was two things. I wanted to, I had a car in New York, so I wanted to have a car for the months

that I was here without having to rent, like, a shitty car or whatever. And I liked the drive. The drive out was fun and like getting myself ready for this thing. And the drive back was I'm disappointed, but I'm going to be OK about it. That's great.

And it would just be like, I would take a week or 10 days to just, you know, luxuriously make my way across country. That's like your severance elevator. Yeah. You're, uh. I will say what related to you guys, there was. Do you guys know about the Oklahoma onion burgers? Do you know about this?

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to that town and had all of those, all three of those, you know, because it was one place, then it split, and then another one split off of that, so they're all competitive with each other, and like, they're all within like four blocks of each other. It's crazy, incredible, delicious.

I did a lot of that. I believe there is a Brooklyn restaurant that now does an Oklahoma-style onion burger. Oh, incredible, delicious. I did a lot of that. I believe there is a Brooklyn restaurant that now does an Oklahoma-style onion. Oh, interesting. Okay. Well, that shocks me. I figured that it would... Oh, I ate shit for 10 years for Pilots. Well, now, the other thing about...

I never booked a Pilot. Oh, wow. To be clear. Yeah. Well, now, they're the fools. They were the ones who did. I hope I still can get on how I met your mother. Yeah. Here's what I'll say. that now they're the fools. They were the ones who were being fooled. I hope I still can get on how I met your mother. Yeah. Here's what I'll say.

That also is a side project or a side element of In-N-Out, which I think I'm mixed on. I wanna, this may be too inside baseball, but a lot of the times, if you work on a nice production that has some money, they will do a cast and crew treat, right? So they'll bring a coffee truck or they'll bring a donut thing or whatever,

beignet truck, but when you really got the big money. Beignet truck? I've never heard of that. I got that beignet truck. From New Orleans? Not, you know, it's just a good one. I hope a gator wasn't working. All right.

It's a nice gator, you can't understand a word. Both excitedly had big grins on our face, thinking of, I won! It's related to New Orleans. I heard him say beignets. Did you hear him say beignets? Do you think we'll get to do gator stuff? So they also bring out the-

Just absolutely cocked out of doing our hacky bits. Let us do our hacky stuff. No, no, I'm going to let you do it. I'm just setting it up so the audience knows it's a hacky. So yeah, this is a truck from New Orleans. It's a beignet truck. Kind of weird, because it's run by a gator. Gentlemen, anything to say?

What might that guy sound like? Oh, interesting. Yeah. I think they have those kind of trucks all down in the bike. And you know, I went to order a beignet once from one of those trucks, Mitch. And the guy working there was like, oh, yeah, you could have a beignet if you will suck me off.

Yes, that's right. So naturally, and I think you were with me too. I was with you too. Yeah, we went and sucked the guy off. We sucked him off, and then I was like, wait a minute, there's like a lot of powdered sugar on this guy. I started rubbing away. I was like, he's fucking green.

He's a fucking gator. He's a fucking gator. Classic gator. The beignet, the powdered sugar from the beignet he used to look like a human being. I was there too, and I saw. And then when I saw the truck, the powdered sugar from the beignet he used to look like a human being. I was there too, and I saw. And then when I saw the truck, the signage said beignet,

but if you peeled it off, it said been boo. Yeah, right. Pfft. Hm? It was not a yay, it was a boo. It was a boo. Could we bring back a new song? Sh.

Wait, did I die? Wait, am I dead by susser? It was my favorite thing of the entire show. Wait, so it's a Benetrex, but sometimes they do get an in and out truck. The in and out truck, and that's something that like when you know that you're in a big expensive production, that in and out truck comes and that line is equally long and people are waiting and they don't do fries because they actually have a quality standard where they're like, we won't give you fries because we can't produce them in the way that we want to, which is I appreciate.

Yeah, I think they understand that their fries are bad. They understand that their fries are bad and that nobody wants them from a truck. Well, here's the thing, and this is like what I learned yesterday in my In-N-Out experience. Because I've had mixed, like I'm like, if you were to present me with an In-N-Out

or a Fat Burger or Shake Shack, I think that sometimes I'm gonna go Fat Burger and Shake you were to present me with an In-N-Out or a Fat Burger or Shake Shack, I think that sometimes I'm gonna go Fat Burger and Shake Shack before I'm gonna pick In-N-Out. And then yesterday, because I went in there, I ordered it, I got it hot. The fries and everything, it was like, there was no wait, it was like, I was like, oh, I get this a little bit more.

But the fries are really on a five minute window. Like super short shot. Oh, sub five minutes. Yeah, it's like, you're like, oh wow. Almost like I didn't finish them, but those first few bites of the hot, I was like, this works. I will now do fries crispy or well done.

I'll ask for them crispy or well done, which I would say half of the time makes them better. And half of the time makes them like small sticks and logs that I'm trying to eat. It's a crapshoot. Yeah. They sometimes turn into like the potato sticks, those like the snap where they're so over fried.

I feel like as a kid, that's how I learned about condensation was in and out fries. That makes sense. It's like taking them home in a bag and then being like, well, this is what I think I really learned yesterday. It was like, it's like there's a show. A student has to learn still after he gets his treat I got all straight ace also look I learned about condensation just eat the fucking burger

Yeah, when is head I'm gonna install lockers that we can get Weiger into I need a fucking big ass locker. So I will say that yesterday, like what I learned was, In-N-Out is definitely, when you can get it right out of the gate, it's, well, it's a different experience than I have had recently. If you eat it in the cart, which they offer in the box. That's the only, that is, I will say,

and I'm curious to hear if you guys do it differently, I will only eat in and out immediately. I do not ever try and get home. I don't try and do anything. I get it in the box, I sit in the parking lot, and I eat it in the car. That's the only way to do it. I think this is a part of the issue

with the backup of that place, is that people go through the drive-through and then park in the parking lot, and it is chaos. And I'm saying, that's the right thing to do. I usually just park on the street. I park in front of Vivid Video, basically. Do you know what I'm talking about? Oh, different in and out.

I know where you're in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the valley? In the valley. In the valley, yeah. That's the one I went to, where Vivid Video is. Okay. And I tried to...

Why, because you were already in the neighborhood? How are they doing Vivid Video? Let me in! Hey! And they're still, and they're just releasing DVDs or they're still, where are they at? Yeah, what did they have to, because they were known for their big budget

porno production. Like that seems to me to be something that doesn't exist anymore. Right, right, right. They were giving me a studio tour, I would tell you, but they always turn me down. They wouldn't let you in? The OnlyFans is really, I think, just decimated.

Yeah. Somebody did say that industry has been really lifted by cosplay. That makes sense. Yeah, they do a lot more like Captain Marvel or parody porn in a weird way. It's like they do a lot more like Captain Marvel or like parody, like parody porn in a weird way. It's like, yeah. That does exist.

Well, it's also funny because like, no one feels bad about getting rid of the porn middle man who's like the most evil man on earth, most likely. It's fine to get rid of that guy. Get him out of there. Now the creators make it or whatever. Let them have control over their own thing. I opened the Vivid Entertainment site and realized I'm looking at straight-up pornography. It's so cool

It is I didn't realize I didn't realize I was looking at straight up Well, cuz I was like, oh here's some thumbnails and then the thumbnail starts autoplaying is like, okay This is just straight-up porno Where the boys aren't the Bratz barroom Brad looks like they're just doing kind of like like a little bit of a glossier version Of the kind of porno videos you might see on the porno or something. So yeah, I guess they've kind of pivoted to streaming, like everyone.

Yeah, so now you park in front of there. I heard both of those. I just saw both of those on your letterbox. Ah. Ah. I'm watching James Dean's filmography. Oh, OK, sorry. Two E's.

You started with the Lindsay Lohan movie. That's how they got you in. You're like, wait a minute. This guy's good. But now, so we're all talking about this thing. This is an interesting, I've never experienced anything like this with food where it goes, just that you have that short of a shelf life.

I mean, that is a kind of an interesting dig on this, I think, you know? 100%. I don't know, I think everything with, it feels like in Egypt, you know, what kind of, this is interesting so far. Can we give Mitch a spotlight? In Egypt, you know, they're like, oh, we like, we pulled this mummy on now, oh my God,

it's aging immediately, like when it- So you're not talking about ancient Egypt, you're talking about Raiders of the Lost art. Yeah, or the mummy or the video where he goes into the pyramid I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna land this plane. Okay, great. Yes, that's pretty much Please Sully put it in the Hudson, you know when there's something that's been like like like There's something that's been Stored away for a long time and then it gets into the natural elements

and it weathers and it dies immediately. And this is happening in ancient Egypt. I don't know if you know this, it's happening in ancient Egypt. This will happen if you open up a tomb, all these things will oxidize and all this stuff will happen. Curses get out.

The oxification is what you're about to say. I believe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the oxification, as you were about to say. Oxification, I believe. Yes, yes, yes, yes, the oxification. And so this is the same thing with In-N-Out, because it's not only the food for me, but the paper bags that you say that kind of like, it feels like old material. In-N-Out bag feels like it's 100 years old. Well, yeah, they've still got things in a paper sleeve.

They've got a cardboard container. Like they didn't move on to styrofoam, like, a lot of times. Which is great. It's a great thing. And then, you know, moved on to single-use plastic. I mean, it's a... But why, what's... Here's my thing.

I don't think it's a knock against food to say it's worse half an hour later. 100%. It's gonna be. Categorically. But I also just want to, like, just for the thought experiment, and this is, I know, because you're the science person, like, I would argue that-

Are you gonna get into some Egypt stuff? Cause I am. Yeah, I will. So it is a good thing. The oxification. But I would argue like that now, where In-N-Out was interesting when it first came out, was like, it's the anti-McDonald's.

It is pure. It's like, we're gonna make it to your order, we're not gonna have it sitting there. But now I think a lot of places have done this, and we'll just use Shake Shack as that example. I think Shake Shack, if you go pound for pound on the ingredients, are probably pretty similar, right? I mean, like that, or no.

You're talking to the wrong guy, because he's not gonna agree with you. No, no, I think they're similar, they're attempts at a similar kind of burger. Like, it's like, you know, and it's down to the same sort of spread, the Thousand Island adjacent spread, the lettuce and the tomato. I mean, it's a similar approach. It does feel like... Is it Danny Meyer who created Shake Shack?

It does feel like Danny Meyer was trying to East Coast make a in-and-out analog. You know what I mean? Like something that felt similar, because it was also limited menu, limited, you know, good ingredients, exactly what you're saying. So I do think they're connected or related. Just only in that, like not in like the flavor profile,

but like, but those, I think that those Shake Shack burgers have a little bit more shelf life than the in and out burgers. I don't know what's, maybe it is the bun. Maybe it's, I don't know. You know, maybe the bun's not keeping enough for the heat. I don't know. It was, I will say though. I think the buns are almost bad. Well, one thing I can say specifically about the fries

there is because they do fresh cut potatoes in store in In-N-Out burger. And whatever, I'm not going to defend the fries. I like them because I have nostalgia for them. I know that there are better fast food fries out there. At Shake Shack, they have... Uh, okay, I'm... Abel is holding something up for me, sorry.

Oh, shit, it's just the clock. It's the time. Okay, got it, got it, got it. At Shake Shack, there are... Uh-oh, we haven't talked about any food? Who's doing great? I have nowhere to be. Yeah.

And a record to break. Uh... I think she did that because we were told that there was an out. I believe I had an out, but I told them to push off. I just have to get to Crosstown by 545, but you know what, honestly, I'm here for the show. Like, let's see.

All right. I'm here for the show. If I miss it, I miss it. No, no, we should, no, that's okay. We don't have to force you to miss it. But there was a part of me where we were talking and I'm like, well, look, what can we do? I mean, it's Munch Madness, it's Talk Cock.

I can't be trying to pull my own shit here. I'm just gonna quickly Google where I need to be, just see. But I don't have to leave now. Talk Cock is also one of the Chartenles too, by the way. You do wanna know who the rest of the Chardonnals are. There's a lot of Chardonnals. We'll figure it out. We'll find out in subsequent weeks.

If you want to see us die a slow death, we can name five of them for you. I know how I feel like this is going to end up with Koalic and a priest. It's a concept. Uh. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Shake Shack, meanwhile, uses their Kregel cut fries are frozen. And they switched to fresh fries at a certain point, and their customers complained, and so they

switched back to frozen. So that might be part of why the fries endure a little bit longer. Were you ever, did you ever have a religious size ever in your life? This is a genuine question. Yeah, we used to go to church every Sunday. Did you really?

Yeah, I was raised Episcopalian. We've talked about this before. Did you ever have anything post that of like, for me, I remember at one point I bought, you know, like those shark tooth rocks? I remember those, yeah. Yeah, and I had it around my neck and it was like, like, this is like, I'm trying to think of like another spiritual time that wasn't Catholic and it was like indigenous or whatever. And I had that around. I mean, it's probably, I mean, definitely, what's it called? Appropriation. Culture appropriation, yeah. Yes, because I had this thing that I would pray to

that was like an indigenous. You would pray to it because you decided to or you were told when given it that this was something. I was told that I was given it that it was like a Native American rock, which I don't think I really understood. I remember I prayed to it. I think I've told maybe part of the story,

but I prayed to, because I think I've told maybe part of this story, but I prayed to, because Carlos across the street was like, he dared me to ride my bike with my eyes closed. And so I prayed to the rock and I got on my bike and I rode it with my eyes closed and I slammed into the back of a van, a mini van. Well, you know why you did that though. This is actually interesting

because that rock probably got oxidation on it. And I was just smaller. I think you mean oxification. Oh yeah, it's oxification on that rock probably got oxidation on it. And all the good power. I think you mean oxification. Oh yeah, it's oxification on that rock. So that probably, just like that all the time. That was the closest I've ever been to like another, you know what else is it like semi spiritual in any sort of like non Catholic?

Well yeah, cause you're not spiritual now. You just got lent ashes on your head yesterday. That was, that's more therapeutic for me. All right. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That it is more therapeutic for me. Yeah, I? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It is more therapeutic for me. Yeah, I understand that, the ritual. Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, no, I mean, we were religious when I was a kid. Not deeply so. But Episcopalian is also kind of like, it's the frozen chosen, some people call them. It's kind of Catholicism light. It's a little bit more. The frozen chosen? Yeah, I've heard this before.

I think because it's like, because the religion, it's the Anglican church, I think it's like kind of clustered. Cold. In the north, yeah. Oh. We were very Catholic. We went to church every, well, we did a thing, which I always thought was like a cheat, and I thought it was so cool.

Like, we went to church on Friday night, sorry, Saturday night. The guy was like, oh, it's a shorter mass. If you go Saturday at five o'clock, you're done by 5.45. Weekend begins, you can sleep in late on the weekends. And I thought I was like really getting away. And I was going to Catholic school and we were all up. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nothing? No. I mean, there was a period where we would go to church, Greek Orthodox church, very infrequently. And it was a short period of time. We were not religious. I think, you know, it was, it's also that like most of the service was in Greek.

So from my sister and I, it I, we didn't speak Greek. So it was a little bit of a, it didn't land for us. And I think I went to Sunday school for one year maybe and not frequently. It was really not a part of our life. Well, it's so interesting because we're not going to church right now. We have kids and it's,

but we celebrate Christmas and stuff, but maybe I shouldn't tell you, I will. My wife got one of those DNA tests, or her sister did as a matter of fact. And it just showed that way, her dad's grandfather was Jewish. And so now June is like, oh, we're Jewish. And I'm like, well, I mean, me, I mean, well,

like we're trying, and so now my son is like, well, I'm Jewish. And I'm like, I don't know where, I'm like, sure, I guess, I don't know. I mean, technically, it's kind of removed. No one knows exactly what we're doing. It's like, it's a very funny add-on. And then my other son's like, I'm not Jewish.

I'm like, ugh. At this point, whatever we wanna decide for ourselves. Yeah, pick whatever you want. Yeah, I think that's fine. It is just funny to me that In-N-Out is such a strong Christian company. And I don't even think about it as much anymore. But when I first got to LA, that was a thing that I,

we did it for Rock Dober Blessed. Yeah, I remember discovering that of like, you know, again, that's a thing, again, pre-internet, but like kids would tell you, it's like if you look in the underside of your fries container, there's like a Bible verse. Well now, why are they different than Chick-fil-A? I don't think that,

I think functionally they're pretty similar. I guess the argument against Chick-fil-A is that- They support pretty important stuff. They're a little bit more overt in their politics, but I suspect the In-N-Out people, you know- Probably the same. Yeah, probably similar. Did you have a Conclave quote under your cup or no?

I think there's a tie-in with Conclave that they're doing. There is right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, which is pretty cool. Mine was, I did have the famous quote from ConvClave of course, Ralph Fine going like, who will be the next pope? Who knows? What are the, like, what are the foundational elements

and components of the ConvClave? Oh, yeah. Oh, well, um. But I'm serious. But. Yeah, great question. Ha ha. I'm sure we'll get into this in subsequent weeks

as we, as the ConvClave. Oh, yeah. Probably on a double. Yeah, probably. Ah. Well, I this in subsequent weeks as we, as the conflict. Oh yeah. Probably on a double. Yeah, probably. Well, I think in the future, yeah, we'll get into it. So now it is a two hour mark and we have just cracked into In-N-Out. Let's talk about it.

Let's do it. Let's get to business. I got the In-N-Out burger double double. This was two beef patties, two cheese slices, lettuce, tomato and spread. I know people know what that is, but you know, the In-N-Out Burger is not in all of America and certainly not globally.

I got sliced raw onions. How much is your global internship? I think it's pretty decent. All right, pretty good. So a lot of people are listening in foreign language, or, like, I just want to make... I think in English-speaking nations that are, like, awesome. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We have a decent-sized Australian audience. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Super, super quick before we get super into it. Like, will you guys just say how much each of you earns on the podcast per year? Yeah. We have a decent-sized Australian audience. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Australian and UK. Super, super quick before we get super into it. Like, will you guys just say how much each of you earns on the podcast per year? Yeah. And why you feel it's OK to have drops

with other people's music in it? Hey, update. Taking money out of those artists' mouths. Hey, new update. Drops are over, everybody. You were the last drop. I added chopped chilies. They are, the chilies are cascabella peppers. I always thought they were banana peppers.

They are sometimes banana peppers. Are those the peppers that you can also get next to the ketchup stand? Yes, yeah, you can get those too. You can do it your own way. I thought this burger was, I did eat in the car. I got the little container and I sat in my Chevy Bolt and it was heaven, it was delicious. I thought it was just such a well, it was like the car, I got the little container and I sat in my Chevy Bolt and it was heaven. It was delicious.

I thought it was just such a well, it was like the perfect, the platonic ideal of an in-and-out burger. I thought it was just really, really great. That was the top of the game. Do you listen to music when you eat in the car like that? Or do you like watch something on your phone? Dead silence.

Dead silence, that's what I thought. Oh yeah, you're a no music guy. Alone with my thoughts. I don't get that at all. I walked by your car one time and it was, you had a track on just somebody breathing. That was me. I heard that when you were in a Waymo,

the Waymo was like, you okay, man? Waymo was like, I feel, I'm uncomfortable, I'm gonna pull over now. I was in his car and it was the Halloween soundtrack, but it was just the Michael Myers breathing parts of the movie. I thought it was going to be, you know, like, John Coppenter's score, but yeah, it's just the mask breathing part.

So you're in your car, the rain is pattering on your roof. That's what you're listening to. Oh, setting the scene, Mitch. I love this. Where is the car located at this point? Where's the car located? 500 yards from a school, I'm guessing. At least. No, I pulled into a space. I pulled into a space. And where are you, where is the car located at this point? Where's the car located? 500 yards from a school, I'm guessing.

At least. No, I pulled into a space. I pulled into a space. Oh, in their parking lot. In a different parking lot, but nearby, yeah. I pulled into a nearby space. In that high school parking lot. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Mitch, what did you get for your internet break? You always go animal style. I did go animal style, much like how I enjoyed the Muppets, of course. And I got, for the first time ever, I think,

a single cheeseburger. Wow. Not a double-double. Yeah. Just the single patty cheeseburger. Why did you opt for the individual cheeseburger? Because I'm on fat guy drugs. Love it. It's hard to eat stuff. Sure, great.

That is the, I don't know if I should call it the issue, but it's the- But you should definitely call it fat guy drugs. That is the, I don't know if I should call it the issue, but it's the- But you should definitely call it fat guy drugs. It is the fat guy drugs. Be cool, man, be cool. Uh. They should've, too bad Chunk didn't have this back in the 80s.

He would've been nice and slim. They would've called him Think or Thunk. Think? Thunk. Thunk. They would've called him Think? They would've called him Thunk. Nope. They would've called him Thunk? They would have called him thunk. Nope. They would have called him thunk?

They would have called him thunk. Skinny chunk. Skunk. This rewrite is bad. I will say that the actor who played Chunk, who's now a lawyer in Timmy Puth. He's a lawyer, yes. And he looks great.

Funniest lawyer in New York at some point, right? Oh, yeah. Didn't he win funniest lawyer in New York? Then that's what you want. You're a lawyer. I've met him on quite a few occasions. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've met him on quite a few occasions. Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he looks great now, right? Yes. Yes. But to you, he would look no different. No. Because I think part of his whole thing is he looks really good now.

He's like in shape and ready to go. But you think he looked in shape and ready to go. I thought he looked in shape and ready to go when he was shot. When you've met him recently or in recent years, you're upset he doesn't look like the little kid chunk? Yes. I'll usually whisper in his ear, sell out.

Um... Uh... He's like, I grew up. I'm like, whatever. Um, but, but, uh, but look. You know that it happened in the same week, back to the future? This is what I think Paul told us just the other day. Or Neil or Paul, that back to the future

and, uh, boonies happened in the same week. Or Neil or Paul, that Back to the Future and Goonies happening the same week. The same, yeah, they're not like, they're not released the same time, but the movie's universe. Yeah, there are different areas and everything like that. Interesting. They're going back in time and Sloth was getting freed all at the same time, I think that's fun.

That's a fun- I love that. I love it. Anyway, sorry to get off of Thunk. I always give it another hard time because you like it. Anyway, sorry to get off of Thunk. I always give In-N-Out a hard time because you like it. And I like to give you a hard time because it's fun. But I also, I love my buddy Nick. Wow. That's nice to say.

And shut up. How would a guy from New Orleans say it? Well, it is funny because the guy at the window in and out, that's right. He's like, I just moved here from New Orleans. I was like, oh, that's pretty cool. And he's like, would you help me in the bathroom? There's an issue.

I said, yeah, sure thing. And I came, went in there and then he's like, now that you're in here, you mind sucking me off? And I said, yeah, sure, no problem. And I sucked him off. And then I said, you know what? You're a nice guy. I'd like to shake your tail.

And I said, wait a minute, tail? What the? You're a fucking gator. He said, I got you, boy. And then he's been then. I hope there's no gators in the conclave. They're never, you won't know a bitch who's a gator. I hope there's not a bitch who's a gator.

There is a new Chartenel that just arrived in the conclave. Yeah, there's a mysterious new Chartenel, but I'm sure he's not a gator. He can't be a gator. He can't, there's no way he's a gator. I bet he also doesn't have a secret in general. No one's going to have a secret. Yeah, if there's a new Chartanel,

they're not going to have a secret. They're just showing up. I took a bite of this single cheeseburger, and I can't dislike it. I got the crunch of the bun. You can taste the crunch of the bun that they put on that griddle. Yes, it is a mild of the bun. You can taste the crunch of the bun that they put on that griddle. The-

Yes, it is a mildly toasted bun. But you can taste that mildly toasted. The beef, and this is honestly where I, in another fat guy attempt, when I ate keto for a brief period of time, which Paul Ross called a cheeto, I was not eating Cheetos. I did-

I don't think he was calling it because was not eating Cheetos. I did... I don't think he was calling it because it was like Cheetos, it was like cheating, right? Oh no, no, he was saying that I was eating Cheetos. He was saying I was eating Cheetos. I've been made fun of a lot over the years on this podcast. I hate it and I hope that the show ends soon. So that's real.

We have that in our power. We have it in our power, We'll end it at some point. You guys signed a 15-year contract here at Feral Eye. At Feral, right? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and I had the lettuce wrap burger, I was like, the quality of the In-N-Out burger is, the patty is great. I'll get a protein style sometimes, even when I'm not counting carbs, just because it's like a slightly lighter meal,

and I just like how it tastes. It's fucking, it's great. And I was eating it, and look, my complaint is that sometimes, like with the single patty, I think I wish I said no lettuce maybe, or maybe no veggies at all, because they do throw a lot of lettuce on there, but it was fantastic, Nick.

And honestly, going into it, I was like, I'm gonna vote handles. Yeah. And then going into it, I took that first bite, and I was like, I don't know. I still don't know my answer. I have no idea. It was a really, really good burger.

Wow. Zucs, you had your burger here. Yeah. I don't know if you had it. I started eating it when they handed it to me through the window, and I ate most of it on the drive over here. And then, oh, did you spill? I spilled all my pills.

You did pills? Pills. Pills, Bill. Okay, we got Jemmy, don't worry. Jemmy's not gonna get over there. I can't. No pills for Jemmy. Thank you, sorry. Oh, that's okay.

There's one more pill I dropped. Do you wanna, do we need to put it in some peanut butter for you? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Give him a greenie, give him a greenie right now, man. That's full of them, man. If you have a pill pocket, I will take one.

Ah. Sorry, go on with your story, sorry. No, no, so I ate it on the way over, and my in and out was a single double. So two patties, but one slice of cheese. And at some point I've got to pull that off too, because dairy is just clobbering me. Today is a big lactate day for me.

Oh, I love it. I love a lactate day. So I lactated up. I had a single double. And then I can't obviously have the sauce. The spread has mayonnaise, which has eggs. So I'm out on mayonnaise, but I will get light ketchup, just a little bit of ketchup, grilled onions, pickles, and then lettuce, tomato, right? That's it.

That's all I have on my burger. I got fries. I just picked at them a little bit, but I did get, you can hold on one second. It seems to be standing, walking away. Not that this is all that important, but should we want, Wow.

I do have a single burger in this bag. Wow. How long? That's sitting there for over two hours now. Oh yes, that I got because I was like, oh, there's an off chance that we might want just, it is nothing on it. It is a plain burger.

I was like, maybe they want to talk burgers, but then I was also like, Jimmy could have it. So I kept it on. We're talking about the condensation. I don't see any condensation on that bag. It's just the burger. So that's all there is in that. Back to the classroom for you, you fucking dumbass.

Condensation theories out the window. But I had a great time. Much like Weiger, I ate it in the car, listening to episode one of Totcock. Arden, Arden Maureen, and Lauren Labkiss just absolutely demolishing you idiots. I would like to share the burger with Jemmy, if that is okay. I would like to try a bite of it.

Yeah, you want some too, you mean? You want to feed it to Jemmy. No, I'm not trying to get a lady with Jemmy, if that is okay. I would like to try a bite of it. Yeah. Oh, you want some too, you mean? Not you want to feed it to Jemmy? Yes, no. I'm not trying to get a lady in the tramp situation going on. I'm not trying to kiss Jemmy. That's cute as hell if you did.

I would gladly kiss Jemmy. Yeah. In a boss employee way. Wow. All right. This is really, now you've made it awkward. No, this is, I will say, Jemmy, you should get a lawyer. Uh.

Uh. I got sued by head gum and Jemmy. Uh. And it was great. I loved it. I loved it. I love that burger. Yeah.

It is, like I said, it is never disappointing. The only time I've ever been disappointed are the few times earlier on where I tried to bring it home or bring it someplace else. And then it is. It's soggy, it's not as good, the fries are soggy, and it's not, but that's not the point. The point is, it's right here, right now, it's good.

It like comes straight out of the window, so I won't even move my car. I sit right there while they watch me out the window and I just eat it. Yeah, you don't move it. Yeah, you do it a long time. You're like, please move, we have other cars. That's why the blinds are so long.

You're like, you move, we have other cars. That's why the blinds are so long. He's like, you're no longer at the front of it. I'm like, you watch me eat this. I will say this. I was like you, I was like, this is gonna be handles hands down. Like there's no, cause I was like, I, there has been a defascin- Like I stopped like my fascination with In-N-Out Burger.

I was like, I don't know, I don't get it anymore. And I recently went to like McDonald's and I was like, I don't know, I don't get it anymore. And I recently went to McDonald's, and I was like, you know what, I'm gonna have a burger. I haven't had a burger at McDonald's in a long time. Had that, I felt nauseous for the rest of the day. It really kinda hit me in a weird way. I was like, maybe it was the chicken nuggets. I really went overboard.

I hadn't gone. I feel like it was all about the Rumblies. Yeah, it was like, ooh, that was too much. But I go in there yesterday, rainy day, perfect day for a burger, I feel like I get, I'm trying to keep it simple because I feel like that's what I wanna do on this show. I go, give me a number two, that's all.

Even try some of the pink lemonade, and I'm not supposed to judge on the pink lemonade. And it was- Drinks are in the Gatorade jug? Yeah, sides are on the sideline, drinks are in the Gatorade jug, also the sidelines. I do like that pink lemonade though. I do too.

It's good. It's very good. And so I got that, it came very quickly. I sat down at the counter, like one of those tables, like I was in an elevated counter next to a person, we're all together as a real working man kind of moment. You know, I've got me with the people-

Oh, like Blue Collar Mitch? Yeah, Blue Collar Mitch. Oh, Blue Collar Mitch. You know, so I got me with the people. Oh, like Blue Collar Mitch? Yeah, Blue Collar Mitch. Oh, Blue Collar Mitch. You know, so I was like, I. Hey, I am Blue Collar Mitch. Blue Collar Mitch? Oh, okay. I come to work with my Jersey Mike's bag like a pail,

and I put in my four hours of podcasting a day. For one episode. Oh. Oh. And yeah, to your note, the bun was crisp, the burger was great, and what I really like, and this is my own little thing, is I want to taste the different levels of the burger.

I don't want everything to be crammed together. So I felt like the lettuce was crisp, I got to taste a little bit of these, like it popped, it all just popped, it was delicious, the fries were great, and I was like, I have been eating in and out wrong. I've been eating it with too much of a delay, I've been eating it off of a truck,

I've been waiting in the line, like I need to get it and eat it. And this is a whole different experience, it changed my whole outlook on an NFL. Well, if you simplify, it really is, it really highlights, these are good ingredients. Yes, for sure. And if you slop it all up with a bunch of sloppy stuff,

it can be just unwieldy. And I will say, I was nervous, I was like, ah, well, I get a little bit of Rumblies, no Rumblies. And I just wanted to put the McDonald's there as a comparison, like I felt good, and sometimes I don't even feel that great. After a Shake Shack, I'm like, oh, that was heavy. I felt heavy.

I did not feel heavy for the rest of the day. It was a very check, I'm like, oh, that was heavy, I felt heavy. I did not feel heavy for the rest of the day. It was a very light, delicious meal. Yeah, it's not like health food, but it's not ultra processed. So you're not necessarily going to have that heavy feeling afterwards. One thing I got really into doing a couple of years ago, I don't do it as much anymore, but I was basically

making a Big Mac Simulacrum in an outburger by way of taking the tomatoes off of the double double, and then adding pickles. And that like, you know, it basically simulates that Big Mac, but it's just like a little bit of a better quality all around. Yeah. I got into a little bit of an issue

when I was ordering in the front because I ordered, I said, can I have number two? And I just didn't understand what the person behind the counter was saying, because she had said onions, but she said only, she was like, and I never, and I didn't know that that was a, like, and I was like, what? An option. Yeah, and I was like, onions. I was like, it was so, it was said so nakedly

that it took me a second. And I was like, but of course, but I didn't realize how many people must not order the onions. Is that like a? Yes, they've become, I don't know, that may have happened in our lifetimes at a point, at a certain certain point it became a question. Okay.

And do you want onions or no onions? And then some people like the grilled onions. I get grilled onions. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so people don't like the raw onions. Yeah. I just got them in trouble. Who?

They were talking outside of, it sounded like a podcast was going on outside of our door and I asked Donnie if she'd tell him to be quiet. Well, there was a big yell before. I felt like a, I felt like a, What a narc. I felt like a narc. What a narc. I felt like a narc.

What a fucking narc. This is, this is, this is. This is Tococ. Oh, it's Conover? No, it's not Conover. Was it Wayne Brady? Oh my god. I bet it was Wayne Brady.

Oh, no. Wait a second. I just saw on my phone that they've canceled Wayne Brady's podcast. Wow. At the behest of blue collar Mitch. I was getting distracted. I just, I just said, could he, I didn't mean, I didn't mean to.

How dare you. Mitch, whose meal is it anyway? He's never gonna see the light of day. Wow. This is heartbreaking. That's, that's, that's rough stuff. Let's talk about handles. He's improv-ing too much.

He's gonna, he's gonna stop it. Ah. You can't improv all the time. You gotta, you gotta have real much. He's gonna stop it. You can't improv all the time. You gotta have real conversations. Oh man, oh man. Oh wait a second, I'm seeing, there's something actually going on.

They're actually making Conover and Wayne Brady switch podcasts. Yeah. Oh my God. So now, now Wayne Brady's gotta do factually and now Adam's gotta improvise. This is gonna be tricky. Oh my. And they're giving Wayne Brady con over hair?

They are, yeah. I'm watching it right now, his hair is slowly growing. Oh, wow. They were like, can you get your hair, I'm just seeing. Yeah, yeah. And they're like. We're just documenting what's happening in front of our eyes. And they're like, I'm just, I'm watching, I'm seeing mouse,

I can see this, and they're're like can you have con over here? He said let me try to improvise that and then you want like this started to grow up Got a suggestion of hair and he did it. Yeah, that's that's really something I will we've all done his podcast, right? Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Con over doing Wayne Brady's format, it may be like, oh, that seems like a tough fit. He is a monster of musical improv. Oh, yeah. He makes off book look like off shit. Yeah. Wow. Oh my god.

Yeah, he does. That's right, Jess and Zach. Off shit? Yeah. Off shit. Off book looks like off shit. Yeah, off shit. Shit that looks weird. Type cock. Yeah, Wow. Oh my God. That's right, Jess and Zach. Off shit? Yeah. Off shit. It's like off shit? Yeah, off shit.

Shit that looks weird? Type cock. Not shit book. Yeah, right, off shit. Shit. I went- Store brand shit, off shit. I went to Handles and-

Kirkland shit? Here's the thing. I went on a rainy day. I ate my In-N-Out Burger in a parking space. I went over to Handles, directly to Handles. Are you a rain, are you team Missy Elliott? How do you feel about the rain? How do I feel about the rain?

I'm kind of an inverse Shirley Manson. I'm not happy when it rains. Wow. I'm from SoCal. So you are Missy Elliott. Missy Elliott can't stand the rain. She can't stand the rain. Oh, she can't stand the rain.

Okay, how about that? Yeah, I can't say I'm a Missy Elliott. But I gotta say that I think that it now benefited from a rainy day. That was a great treat on a rainy day how about that? Yeah, I can't say I'm a Mr. Lay. But I gotta say that I think that it now benefited from a rainy day. That was a great treat on a rainy day. It felt very special, I think. And what I was gonna say, Handles, so I showed up,

I try not to show up too close to closing for any restaurant, but like I was like, it's an ice cream parlor, it's okay, it was like 15 minutes before closing. It was poppin'. I cannot believe how fucking small it is. Handles, I've gone there now multiple times and there are lines, there are things happening,

it's a whole scene. Well, I went to this handles that's nearby the studio here and at like noon, when it opened, I went, not noon, but a little, like when I was on my way over here. And so it felt to me like, what a strange thing to be getting of four scoops of ice cream at like 12.45. I just felt like this is insanity getting four scoops of ice cream at like 12.45. I just felt like this is insanity

to be ordering four scoops of ice cream in the middle of the day. This is basically just begging for diarrhea. Yes, did you see Susser over there? Oh yeah, said the corpse of Susser was there. No. No. No.

Not the ghost. I got two flavors, both of which I'd had, because I was like double, double, the, you know, an even match up, I should get two scoops of Handel's. I got blue, I got two flavors. Oh, a double, double, and two scoops. Double, double versus two scoops. I got two flavors that I'd had previously,

both of which I really enjoyed. One is Blue Monster. This is blue vanilla ice cream, big vanilla fan, vanilla as a flavor with Oreo cookies and Chipplhoys. We had that, they, Handel sent us the vanilla with Oreo cookies and that was a great flavor. It's really good. Not, spoiler alert, that is one of the scoops

in my four scoops that's in the freezer. Okay, I got the Blue Monster. I also got the- Can we, oh, sorry, I'm sorry. So sorry, watch. No, no. When we do stop down to go grab it, can I pee? Of course. Was gonna be my sorry. I'm sorry. So sorry, watch. No, no. When we do stop down to go grab a can I pee?

Of course. Was gonna be my question. That's all. So whenever that's convenient, just let me know. Why don't you do that now? But you're in the middle of something. Do you want to finish your thought? I will.

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Do it. All right, we're back. The headgum toilets drank there, Phil. The second scoop I had was Graham Central Station. It is weird that they put in a thing where you flush the toilet and it goes, mmm, thank you. I don't know why they did that. Nope.

Nope? I'm full. When I was looking for... Who said that for you? Yeah, when I go, it's like, I think I'm gonna be sick. Please stop, please stop. No, don't pour grease in here. This is for your only.

What is this? Tar? This is the equivalent of Thanksgiving for me. Oh God. One of the houses I looked at when I was first looking around for houses, they had a mouth-shaped urinal. I like that. I like it too. I feel like a urinal in a house is a rare thing in general. Yeah, well that's why it's definitely, it's a choice and I think it's a public knowledge that Mike Lazza, the guy who ran Adult Swim,

he also, he had a urinal installed in his shower because he didn't like peeing in the shower. He wanted to pee in a urinal. So he had a urinal installed in his shower. Wow, that seems grosser. It was interesting because I was like, but when we went over to his house, I was like, I gotta see this thing

that I've heard so much about. He's like, oh yeah, take a look. Was the house you were looking at, was it Pee-wee's Playhouse? Are you Sherry? Did the urinal talk? Yeah. I got Gram Central Station.

This was one of the flavors they sent us in our bundle. And this is gram flavored ice cream with the graham cracker. But this is, I just wanna make sure, this is not bought by handles, right? The Dougher. This is not bought by Handles, right? The Doughboys can't be bought. All right, all right, I just want to make sure. It wasn't your pint.

It wasn't my pint. No, this is stuff. I went out of pocket for this. I went to Handles in-store. Wait, you used the Doughboys credit card. I used the Doughboys credit card. Yeah, but I went in-store and I paid for these scoops. Okay. I'm just saying, of course.

You didn't do anything special here. I know. I didn't say I was. I did. You pulled into Graham Central Station. I pulled into Graham Central Station. Graham flavored ice cream with a graham cracker ripple and chocolate covered crunchies.

So I had two chocolate adjacent flavors, but they both had kind of chocolate mix-ins. There's an argument for varieties, I should have gotten a fruit flavor or something like this. But these are two flavors I knew I really, really liked in the same way I really, really liked the In-N-Out Double Double Double. And they're also pretty different.

I'm like, I don't want to critique you on this because it's obviously your show, but I feel like you did yourself a disservice by not getting the four scoops. It's like you were trying to do the Double Double, the Double Double, but I feel like what you really needed to do was what Jason and I did, which is sample the four scoops. The four scoops, here's the thing.

I've done the four scoops before, and Handles is very, you know, like their portions are pretty ample. And so you're getting basically four full scoops, even though it's a sampler. But I like the amount of ice cream you get with the medium. Like you get two like scoop and a half. Because I was gonna say, listen, that's not a amount of ice cream you get with the medium. Like, you get two, like, scoop and a half. Because I was going to say, look,

that's not a lot of ice cream. Like, that doesn't. Right. OK, when you got this, did you eat all four of those scoops? No, I did not. OK, so that I sample. OK, OK. I think it's a good as a sampler.

But I agree with Wiggs. If I was just eating a dessert, I would have one or two of those scoops as my personal dessert. Yeah, right. Mitch, you OK? Yeah. Mitch is looking suspect. No, no, no, no, no. Me too.

I, yeah. What do I feel like if I look down at the ice cream, it's going to be gone? Uh, no, I certainly haven't eaten the four scoops at once ever in my life. That would be too much, I feel like, for me. But I wanted to try a bunch of them. And on the episode previous, you guys had said this was the way to go to get life. That would be too much, I feel like, for me. But I wanted to try a bunch of them. And on the episode previous, you guys

had said this was the way to go to get one maximum. It's a great, it's a great. I think it's a fun thing that they did. The four scoops is a very fun thing. I liked it. And I think that that's what I wanted to make sure that I did here, too, is really try to explore two different things at this place.

Because a lot of different flavors here, a lot of different flavors. Did the fam get involved at all? I didn't invite them into this. Oh my God. Yeah, I know, because I was like, because here's my thought process. If I'm gonna do it later in the day,

then it's gotta be a whole thing and I'm gonna bring them like, I just gotta knock this out. I gotta eat my ice cream. I gotta be a professional here and enjoy it. I don't want anyone taking a bite. I gotta have my focus on. I come to this not like a fucking dad

as a professional food eater. I'm not gonna jerk around with this. That's thank you very, we actually appreciate that. Yeah, I'm not gonna just bring the family out to have their opinions sway me. Kids don't like ice cream anyway. Yeah, they don't like it. By the way, my kids, by the way,

I will say my kids prefer Pinkberry. I'm like, guys, you want handles? They're like, you like Pinkberry? I'm like, oh wow. You nerds They're like, you like pink berry? I'm like, oh, you're a nerd. Oh, wow, interesting. You're a nerd. That's not good. Wow.

All right. Zooks, did you want to dig into these? What do you want to do? Oh, yeah, sorry, sorry, I totally forgot. Okay, so I went to the location, like I said, that's nearby here, and I had a long conversation about my allergy with the lovely woman who worked there, and she was incredibly helpful.

And so- Was she the woman from Boston that Mitch met? That I don't know, but I will say- Oh yeah, she's great. Yeah, oh, perhaps. Although, okay, well, here's what happened. So I was asking her all these questions and I said, okay, I'm gonna get four of these scoops.

And I said, I've gotta eat some for a podcast later where we're talking about it. And she said, oh, really, what podcast? And I said're talking about it. And she said, oh, really, what podcast? And I said, Doughboys. And she said, oh, Doughboys. I also work at the Belasco Theater. There was a Doughboys live show there. Oh, wow.

She did not say she was a fan. She just said she had previous knowledge of the Doughboys. Did she say her boyfriend was a fan? She did not. She didn't say that. Because the other person who works at Handles did tell us her boyfriend, the one who was from Boston, told us her boyfriend was a fan? She didn't say that. That's because the other person who wears the handles did tell us her boyfriend, the one who was from Boston told us her boyfriend was a fan.

Very well could have been. Yeah, and she was lovely. And so what we have here is vegan chocolate, that's their vegan flavor, it's an almond milk one, regular vanilla, regular vanilla with Oreos, and the orange cream dream.

Thank you. Yes. That you guys had all shouted out as one of your favorites on the last episode. I wanna talk to, cause I think Weiger, you and I might've talked about this on a previous episode, but I'm a big believer and I think this is a known statement that you should always try the vanilla. For sure.

At an ice cream place. That's the state, that's the base level. It's like cheese pizza. Yes, yes. 100%. You gotta go strong. I don't agree with it like that. It's cheese pizza. You don't think so? You think it works as a base line? It's not. What is it? Cheese pizza to me is like, I just, I get that it's, I know what you're saying. It just doesn't, to me, like, I want to have the cheese pizza because one, it is my favorite style of pizza. That's pizza. But that is just, it is the base.

But vanilla to me doesn't seem like the baseline for some reason. But a lot of flavors are vanilla with mix-ins. And also I think vanilla is a extremely popular flavor. Might still be the most popular flavor. I'm shocked you don't love it because it's white. Uh. Uh.

I'm shocked you don't love it because it's white. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. That's, this is the, this is the tough thing for me with vanilla.

Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. I, I, I mean, I do like vanilla. I've given you a hard time about vanilla. Have you, have you had any handles yet? Zero.

This is, this will be my first. Well, you, you're going to, you're going to dive in first. This will be my first handles experience on camera. There's also a good chance I just have an egg on my mouth. So Jesus, wow. Egg on your mouth. Okay. Vegan chocolate.

Pretty good. Pretty good. That's pretty good. It does have a little bit of the, a lot of vegan stuff has a little bit of like a, oh, it's almost watery. Sure. You know, it can feel a little bit like there's icy or watery something in there. Yeah. And it has a little bit of like a, it's almost watery. Sure, you know, it can feel a little bit like there's icy

or watery something in there. Sure, yeah. And it has a little bit of that, but it tastes pretty good. Anyway, anybody by the way, go grab some. I'm definitely gonna try some, but I want you to go, I want your thoughts. I've never tried this cream cream one. I'm just gonna get my lactate.

Even for almond though. I'm gonna double down on my lactate. Oh, wow. Can I try a bite of this? Try everything, guys. All right, because I've not tried this one. That's why I brought it. I kept a record of my four scoops, but I...

So you haven't tried the Orange Cream Dream? I have not, if you're asking me. Yeah, Zooks has not tried any of these. I've only tried that chocolate one I just had. The Orange Cream Dream is a go-to for me. I think that's a really good flavor. And that is probably my favorite type type of that's great. Yeah, fantastic. Yeah, that's very good. That's like that those old school pops that you

get like those like I have in the freezer section. Yes, yeah. Yeah, it's fantastic. Is that what they were called? Yes, the dreamsickles, 5050s. I remember they're sometimes called. Mitch is having some vanilla right now. I'm trying vanilla. I'm gonna wipe off my spoon. Jason, can you get me a lactate too? I'm working on it. I have a bunch in my car, but. I do too, that's what I'm wondering if I might have left them in my car. So you guys think about how food might affect your bodies. That's interesting.

Yeah. Me and Wags, I am the same thing. I'm surprised by this because I do not think of that, of course. Yeah, I don't ever make that calculation. I took a bunch of Miralax before the show, though. So that is a, I am kind of like a ticking time bomb. And by the way, yeah, I'm on this couch with him.

It's working. Um, here. Well, I don't think yours. No, no. I got three. Does anybody else want a lactate? Lactate is being distributed. I tell you, OK, this is interesting.

OK. I like that chocolate vegan one. It's pretty good. I know exactly what you, this is interesting. Okay, I like that chocolate vegan one. It's pretty good. But I know exactly what you're saying. Yeah, that's all. But I mean, like it's the faintest whiff of a little bit of like a watery or an icy texture more than anything else. I thought you were gonna start singing a little bit

of Monica in my. That orange cream dream. Yes, creamsicle flavor, that's very good. That orange cream dream. Yes, creamsicle flavor. That's very good. That's very good. That's great, I like that. That are yum. I eat a lot of vegan ice cream from Van Luen.

Yes, Dr. Van Luen's for. And that I think is very good, vegan ice cream. I gotta try that again, because since UCB I haven't been over there that much. Yeah, I think that's really good. There is a van, for people, is very good, vegan ice cream. I gotta try that again, because since UCB, I haven't been over there that much. Yeah, I think that's really good. There is a Van, for people in Antonelli, there is a Van Lewin right next to the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater on Franklin.

Is that a chain as well, Van Lewin? Yes, it is, yeah it is. Okay. The Oreo ice cream, they do a damn good Oreo ice cream in there. Yeah, these are great. They really do. This is tasty as hell.

And it does make the, this is a good pairing because these are both very good executions of the thing they set out to do. And they're also very, they're both pretty simple concepts. Like they're just streamlined, they're not trying a bunch of extra stuff, handles is like, we're doing ice cream made in store, the same way we've done it since 1948,

or whatever year they were founded, I think 1945, and in and out burger, which is maybe 48. Yeah, Handles. Handles has been around forever. And- Wait, where? Handles is from Ohio. Youngstown.

It's been Midwest for a long time. It's one of those chains- Oh, it's never, it's not been here, and I just didn't know about it. Like Dunkin', it was so regionally locked for a long time, and then recently came to the West Coast. I'm gonna dig it into this. When I first heard of handles,

I thought it was like a handle, like a scoop. I didn't realize it was like a person's name. Right, oh yeah. Like handle. I still thought it was a scoop. Yeah, no, yeah. I have some theories on handles. And this four scoop pack,

I think it solidified some of them, which I'll wait, because I wanna make sure we have a, you know, a bigger discussion. I love the baby bitch region. I think that it has some of my favorite, it has some of, just the classic swags, like you were saying. And I've grown to love In-N-Out and Handles is new to me, but I love it.

I think you might not get your ice cream back. Oh, that's fine. I'm good with what I've had. Seems like he's. I wanted some tastes, but that's it. I can't go too crazy, cause a lot of those have dairy, which will wreck my insides.

I just can't even see anything. He's like not. I want to eat more. I'm gonna put it down though. Wow. It was like I was at the zoo basically. I just didn't even see anything. He's like not. I want to eat more. I'm going to put it down though. Wow. It was like I was at the zoo basically. I just didn't see any. It was so funny because you were making eye contact with me

while you were trying to start whatever point you were making. But then I watched as you were like, you were so distracted by Wags' housing the ice cream. Well, but Wiger we came to, like we were able to talk about, Wiger had to catch up. Like you had a job to do like we were able to talk about, Wiger had the ketchup. Like you had a job to do there.

You had to get through four scoops very quickly. Going through those four, I would say three of those are just absolute bangers. And then the vegan chocolate was fine. It kind of, for me, tasted like a flavor made out of the outside of an ice cream sandwich. Like it was kind of that sort of, a little bit artificially chocolatey.

It reminded me of actually like chocolate sorbet. That's what it reminded me of. Yes, well and a lot of their vegan flavors, I noticed are sorbets. I didn't get any of those cause I don't like a fruit, like I don't like a mango or a strawberry type of thing. I would rather have to try the chocolate, but I agree. It is, and maybe that's for me,

so much of my ice cream, so much of what I can eat as ice cream is that kind of more processed stuff. So a lot of times for me, ice cream was an ice cream sandwich, a drumstick, a kind of, a thing that is very stable in a freezer. I think that like, as somebody who has done a kind of a thing that is very stable in a freezer. I think that like, as somebody who has done a lot of lactose free ice creams,

a lot of different things, that is a solid almond milk thing, you know, but you're always gonna get like a slightly different flavor with almond milk. I'll tell you the four that I got. I just saved them here. I got birthday cake. Mitch is holding up his palm, which has brown in it.

I guess you get chocolate on your... You also have ice cream in your mustache. Yeah. I'm gonna need you to get it together, pal. I got ice cream on myself. Look at him. He just holds it up until Amelia comes and takes care of him.

Oh, the king is okay. The king. Oh, the king has poop on his hand. You look like... I do come out of the headgum bathroom like this quite a bit. Oh, the hunks, the headgum bathroom like this quite a bit. Oh, the hunks, the headgum hunks and honeys are like,

you did it again. Aw. You look like you ripped a couple of farts in the bathroom just to mix it up for them. Uh... Just so that they don't know what's going on. I got birthday cake, vanilla with Oreos, Rocky Road, and Pistachio.

Wow. Okay. I tried to keep it, because I like, Classic flavors. Yeah, like, yeah, like, I mean, Rocky Road is something I really wanted to try, because I feel like I don't often get a Rocky Road.

What is Rocky Road? Because I can't have it, because it has something in it. It's basically chocolate nuts and marshmallows. I think maybe that's it. Okay. And Pistachio, I found myself to be enjoying that, as I, I liked it as a kid,

and I feel like it's a much maligned flavor because it's not a go-to flavor, but in a four sampler, I thought that was really good. And then I like a birthday cake. I also got a small hurricane, and I got the banana split hurricane. Okay. So, because I am a fan of the hurricanes.

I really, I got one medium hurricane last night. Yes. And that's all I got. And a hurricane is. I am also a fan. Yeah. Hurricane is, you spoon, it's not a frap, it's not a drink, right?

No, it's very much like a blizzard. And I guess maybe I should reveal what my thought process is here. Having that, which I think is very good, with the exception being the dreamsicle, the creamsicle thing, I believe that their strength is in the hurricane because I think that their ice cream is better cut a little bit with some other things.

I find them to be, like I can't eat that whole thing, it's too sweet, it's on the sweet, it's almost too rich. Wow, interesting. Yeah, like I was like, oh, like I can't eat that whole thing, it's too sweet, it's on the sweet, it's almost too rich. Wow, interesting. Yeah, like I was like, oh, this is a little, like I feel like that has a sugary tinge to it. Now, by the way, I like all my first bites. Can I ask you this?

Yeah. Do you think you would have felt the same 10 years ago? This is an interesting thing. I feel like our tastes are on an arc, you know? Right, okay. And I do feel like as I get older, my tastes for certain things is going away. And one of those things is very sweet things,

or very rich things. I am more sensitive to sweet now. Like, I'll have like a soda that's too sweet, or like a cocktail that's too sweet, and I'm just not into this at all. Well, interesting that it comes from Youngstown, Ohio. Oh, Mitch, that is interesting. You think it should come from Oldstown?

Well, no, Youngstown would obviously be making a sweeter thing, because they like it, but it's what we see. But that's why I think they're hurricanes. Oh, thoughtful Mitch. I love this new character, thoughtful Mitch. Who strokes his beard to tell you, don't worry, I'm thinking. Professor Mitt. My phone is lost to a couch somewhere.

Good. Oh, good. Just stay still and raise your hand. No, I'm not. I don't need them to lift up the pad for me. I do know, I do love that Amelia did know where the phone was. Yeah, she's keeping track of it. Boy, she is keeping, if Amelia ever goes anywhere else,

Mitch will be lost. Amelia helps me out. And so does Emma. And so does Casey. I just said so does Emma. Emma brought you a new pair of pants on tour, remember? Yeah, OK, I ripped a pair of my pants on tour, and Emma brought me pants to my room.

Because you didn't pack a pair of pants, you just had the ones you were wearing. Wow. Oh, so you want me to go to the counter in my undies wise, is that what you want? Hey, he's a blue collar boy. He can only afford one pair of pants. Can't wait for the Reddit.

He actually should have brought two pairs of pants. Shut up, you fucking dorks. Hey, shut up. Don't look. I know. Don't look at what they're, shut up, don't look. I know. Don't look at what they're saying. If I don't look, it doesn't exist. Correct.

I mentioned this earlier today when we were talking. I read Stephen Bochco's memoir last year. Not a great book, but it was interesting. It had some good anecdotes. Stephen Bochco, a guy who was a billionaire from producing a bunch of classic TV shows. And 40% of the book is him complaining about network notes and angry fan letters. Oh yeah. You can be the pinnacle of success in the industry and you're still resenting the people

who are carping. Oh yeah. Especially your fans. Yes, yeah. He's like on his deathbed mad about someone who wrote him an angry letter about Hill Street Blues in 1982. Love that. He just never got over it. If I ever meet Billy Corcoran, I'm gonna wrote him an angry letter about Hill Street Blues in 1982. Loved it. He never got over it.

If I ever meet Billy Corgan, I tell him what you think about. I would call him. He doesn't want it. He doesn't want it. If you meet him, FaceTime me immediately. I would love to tell him I was disappointed in that record. We're both in Make America Great hats.

Ha ha ha. Billy, and then ask him if he still believes in shape shifters. Ha ha ha. We're both orange cream. The next four years are the orange cream dream. I love the cream dream. But you see, I don't know how you could do that orange cream dream, like, as more than a scoop.

Like, it feels like it's not like, and that's, that was the thing. Like, I found each one of these flavors to be delicious. Yes. But a little too, like, I don't know if I could, I mean, maybe it's, you had doubles, so now I wanna go back to the double and go, did you finish those?

No problem. I finished every, I was like licking the container. I had all of it. But I also like love ice cream. If you had a pint of whatever in the house, would you just eat the whole pint or can you space it out over the course of? I have to space it out at this point,

but I could eat a pint at one point. I could, I exercised, you know, Herculean self-control to having like a third of it left and putting it back in there. Herculean self-control. Wow. Wait, so you exer- the kind of self-control that Hercule Poirot exhibits? That's not that one.

Not Hercules. The greatest detective in the world, Hercule Poirot. Not Herculean, but Ur-culian. You was talking about. Pur-puro-ian. I loved it for you, it's all about puro. You was talking about the youngest clump that they call Herculian.

Ha ha ha ha. I will say that a lot of people try to do a hurricane, a blizzard or whatever, and what I like about Handel's version of it is, it doesn't just feel like a bunch of shit. Like, cause sometimes it gets too thick, it's too, like I'm just like, like I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

and Handel's very smooth, it's delicious. And I feel like I could, it's like eating a really nicely, like it's like, you know, sometimes when you get like a sundae, you kind of mix it up and you kind of make your own little like a version of it. Like, I feel like that's what it's nice and smooth and great. I really like it. We had, I was really surprised when we had it

side by side with DQ. We had the Dairy Queen blizzards and the Handel's Hurricane side by side. I was like, well, this is where Dairy Queen is gonna shine. This is the red and butter. The Handel's one was such better quality. It was like, well, this is where Dairy Queen is gonna shine. This is their red and butter. The Handles one was such better quality. It was like gold next to fool's gold. I totally agree.

It was on a completely different level. Go on, Mitch. I might have to go to the bathroom. What? Do you wanna take a break? Do you need to go to the bathroom? No, no, no, no, no, no. We just took a bathroom break.

Oh wait, did someone break into your house? Did you break into your house? Did someone break into? No, no, no, everything's fine. Okay. You break. Oh wait, did you hit yourself? Did you hit yourself? Huh? Did someone break into you? No, no, no, everything's fine. Okay. You don't need to hold it if you need to use the bathroom. Go to the bathroom.

Go to the bathroom. It's fine. That quickly? Yeah. Wow. I shouldn't have eaten the ice cream. Yeah, so go to the bathroom. Shite.

I thought we were still in a bit. You wanna eat more? Go, go, please go to the bathroom. You wanna eat more before you go? Shite. All right, Mitch is gonna run to the bathroom. We can keep talking here for a second. I will say that, like, what was-

Oh, do you wanna keep talking about the stuff or do you wanna talk off topic? Oh, I guess we can talk off topic. I'd love to talk off topic with you for a brief moment. Yeah, go for it. I also loved the anime, Look Back. Look Back was fantastic. One of my favorite movies of the year.

I am not an anime person. What other things will you recommend that I can watch like Look Back? Not like Look Back, obviously. It's a very singular and unique film, but things that are in that zone. The other anime that I, my favorite show of last year, full stop, Free Ring, Beyond Journey's End. Incredible.

Have you seen Your Name? Yes. Okay, Your Name. I mean, that's the first thing I'm that Suzy may was the other one that filmmaker made that I thought was terrific I mean those are the first I would think of that are like to me tonally similar to To look back, but I will say that same The author of the look back manga got a dad is also the guy who wrote chainsaw man

So if you haven't seen the Chainsaw Man anime. I haven't seen, I've heard of it, but I don't know anything about it. You might enjoy Chainsaw Man. I think the manga is better than the anime. It's one that suffers in the adaptation. But I do think it's well done and it's very entertaining. OK.

So that's for my own self. The other one I watched a bunch of so far is Dan Da Dan. Dan Da Dan is great. And it's nuts. Yeah, it's really fun so far is Dan Da Dan. Dan Da Dan is great. And it's nuts. Yeah, it's really fun. That is a wild watch. Dan Da Dan is- Visually, it's incredible.

It's gorgeous, it's so silly, and it's so crass, too. Just disgusting. And Chainsaw Man is a similar thing of it's just like a disgustingly crass show. Oh, funny. It's funny. It's a very funny show. I kind of not avoid,

but I sometimes don't make the time for that and I should. I went to the Lakers game during One Punch Night, which was a very... Or, yeah, yeah, One Piece. Oh, One Piece, sorry, yeah, One Piece. One Punch Man is an anime. One Punch is a thing, though, right? Yeah, One Punch Man is a thing.

And it was a very crazy, fun night of everyone in very big costumes, they gave out t-shirts, it was a lot of, it was a very fun thing to see. But my kids are very much into One Piece. But not the show, the anime. I watched the show, I watched the live action One Piece, having not consumed any other version of it,

and it was cool, seemed cool. I tried to get into One Piece, I'm trying again now, but it is so daunting, it's like trying to get into The Simpsons from episode one. They're literally a thousand plus episodes. It is so strong. Do you have to start episode one? You kind of do, because it's all like kind of one narrative.

Okay, got it, wow. One thing I would recommend to you that I'm watching right now that I do think that you would love, and I would recommend to anybody, it's on Netflix, it's called Orb. I started it. You started Orb?

I started Orb. Because I think I must have looked at some list that was, if you like free-ridden, here's something else. And it was Orb was one. I think that's how I found Dan Da Dan. Yeah. And there was one other one that I, oh, it's one where it takes place inside of a video game

that is being shuttered. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you're talking about. I can't recall the name right now, yeah. And, but there's a player who's still playing, and then it becomes, oh wait, is this a real world that I'm in? Am I in a real world?

Oh, wow. But it looks like the video game is the world? I don't know, it was nuts. It was cool, I liked it. Or by love, because it's the kind of thing of like, if you have an outside knowledge of anime, you're maybe thinking of everything is like one piece, is like a little bit more, you know, fanciful.

But Orb is like a hyper-grounded show set in 15th century Europe about rogue monks secretly researching heliocentrism. And it's like such a... It's such a, it's such a, it's a super dark treatment of that, because they're all in fear of being tortured as heretics, and women involved are in fear of being perfect stakes.

That's a little bit like I watched that show, Vineland Saga? Vineland Saga, Vineland Saga Rocks. Which is an incredible anime that is just like a, a Norse mythology kind of viking show? What'd you say? It's like the, it's like the Northmen, the anime. Yeah. Whoa.

It's really cool. And it's really dark, and it's really great. Very violent. Orb is tonally very similar. Because it's just, it's just like, you're just getting a sense of how punishing and how unforgiving and how dull and, and, uh, you know, like how much of life was drudgery back in those days.

They didn't have podcasts. Yeah, they did. It's like you sitting in your car eating food with nothing to listen to. I love this anime where you just watch a guy just absolutely house a double-double in his car while listening to nothing. I do want to eat more ice cream. What I was going to say, Sher, about your topic, I'm going to, is the, for me, Handles

does not cross over into that threshold of too sweet. Even though I have less of a sweet tooth than I used to and I'm not like the biggest dessert guy, I'm not the biggest treat lad, to me, it's like, I feel like those, at least the flavors I enjoy are pretty well balanced, but I'm having some more right now. Well, you see, now this is where, and maybe I'm unfairly judging it against McConnell's, and I also have recently found my way back to Ben & Jerry's, which I feel like does a lot of things in there, and they balance it pretty well.

Like, this was, I just, there was something about the, those flavors that felt too sweet to me, but I've had the chocolate bar with the vanilla ice cream. How you doing? You okay, pal? It was very similar to the ice cream situation. I just lifted my hand up and one of the hunks came in.

No! No! No! No! No! That's interesting, so I mean, and this is like, and one of the hunks came in and helped me out. No. No. No. No. No. That's interesting. So I mean, and like, I, I, I, I'm just like,

I'm trying to be a little bit more of a harsh critic on this one because I really did enjoy, like the flavors are very good. I just felt like it was a little too decadent as a scoop. I found it to be a much better presentation in, in the, in the presentation in the hurricane. Here's the age old question. Burger or ice cream cone?

What would you choose? I mean, me normally burger. I would choose the burger. So that's, I think that puts- But let me ask you this. And maybe this isn't the task we're being handed here, but if you were to never be able to have one of them again, for me,

I think it would become ice cream. Now that's in the abstract, burger or ice cream. We are in fact talking about in and out and handles, but I would choose ice cream for the rest of my life and never have a burger again. Interesting. Whoa. And I love a burger, but I just,

there are so few desserts that I can have that I like that ice cream I feel like I need to keep in the mix. Now, well, if you're saying, this is an interesting way of looking at it, cause it's like, would you never have in and out again or never have handles again? That's- That for me is, I know my answer to that. I think I know my answer to that too.

I don't know my answer to that. I think I know my answer to that too. I don't know my answer to that. Just kidding. I'll say this, it doesn't count, Wiggs, but I got myself a single cheeseburger, animal style of course. I had a little bit of a, a little bit of a pressure. Just now.

Just now, sorry. I came up with that ruse that I had, that I took a mural ax this morning and I had to go to the bathroom. I also got myself a black and white shake. And it was really good. And I can't judge that on it, but does, I'm like, does a burger, does a double double

and a black and white shake, does that, would I want that over handles? I don't know, but look, we're judging the burger versus the ice cream here. No fries, no pink lemonade. Yes. And I think where we have some benefits with handles is you can go a lot of different ways.

You know, we're being, that's right. More variety, more options. Chocolate covered banana. You got the hand dipped ice cream bars, which I've had and they are great. You said ham dipped? Ham dipped. Ham dipped. Ham dipped by Hercules Perot.

Now he does wear a little mustache cover to make sure none of those mustache hairs get in there. I'm sure that there's no smoke out line of us after you said ham dipped and we weren't there already. I would love to try ham dipped anything. I'll take a vanilla dipped in ham. Now here's the other thing I wanna ask though, and is, I guess a question we haven't even talked about. That Johnny Depp movie where he plays the detective

with the mustache. Yes. Oh yes, Mordecai. Mordecai, is that just the ripoff of Poro's mustache? Wow. And don't forget, Johnny Depp was also in the first Poro movie. He was, he is in the- Right, he's Depp was also in the first Poro movie. He was.

He is in the- Right, he's in the- The Orion Express. The Orion Express. I think also when we ask you for your winner, we're gonna also ask you to write down who you choose, Mordecai or Hercule Poro. Oh, Hercule Poro, okay.

You know, I mean, I love that he got the prequel of Hercule Poro, that he got his mustache because of a horrible facial disfigurement at the beginning of Death in the Nile. Completely unnecessary lore. Just to make sense of an absurd mustache. Just so that people might be like, oh, okay, then I forgive this absurd mustache.

It was like we need to let people know that that's why he's got this dumb mustache. Do you watch the other Po Poros or only Branagh? Well, I like the Branagh. There are some of the classic adaptations I do need to catch up on, some of the Agatha Christie's. OK, you're not a Poro complete. I like the guy that was on the Masterpiece Theater Poro.

That guy's great. Yeah, the little mustache guy. Oh, I don't know this guy. Oh, there's dozens of those. They're all the books, right? Yeah, OK. And then there's the other those. There are all the books, right? Yeah. Okay. And then there's the other guy who did the movies.

The, the, the, the, I'll think of it. Well, there's one where Albert Finney is. That's one of them. But no, there's another guy who plays Poirot in like three different movies in the 70s. Oh, okay, okay. What's up? I wish I could watch the original books,

but you can't really watch the books. You gotta, you gotta read them. So, for that reason, I'm out. But by the way, you could probably listen to a very good audio book but you can't really watch the books. You gotta read them. So for that reason I'm out. But by the way, you could probably listen to a very good audio book with a lot of ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Yeah, there are good, I listened to a bunch

of Agatha Christie audio books that were great. Maybe I'll do that. It's a real treat. We saw one of these movies together wise. That's right, we saw Murder, the Orient Express on tour, and that was my first time at Alamo Drafthouse in Austin. That's right. Can I take a bite of that burger?

Oh, yeah. Sorry, I forgot. Now the burger's been here for three hours. Three and a half hours. We need to decide what's going to happen, what the verdict is, because the ultimate winner of this tournament, as specified by Jess McKenna, will be sent to the first organism to crawl out of the sea,

who also looked like Billy Crystal, determine whether they evolved to live on land The first and most accurate winner of this tournament, as specified by Jess McKenna, will be sent to the first organism to crawl out of the sea, who also look like Billy Crystal, determine whether they evolved to live on land or instead return to the ocean to build a Pandora-esque aquatic paradise of merpeople. In other words, turn our dystopian earth into a utopian mirth. And the winner of this round, as Mitch just takes,

Mitch bites into this burger. I'm going to take a bite of this burger. It is like what? Like, it's like such the plain burger you weren't messing around. It's like very much. You want to go to the kitchen and get some ketchup? I mean, I think I will try it just plain. I got it for that reason, because you guys made

such a point on the text being like, it's just the burger we're talking about, that I was like, well, let me get one without any of the stuff. I've never just had a completely plain Wimpy style In-N-Out burger. That burger looks like a cartoon. It does, yeah. Still pretty good.

Wow. I mean, it's a cold burger. And this is said after someone who just had massive diarrhea. So it's like, you know. And again, this was a burger that genuinely was meant for Jemmy. Yeah.

Look, it won't be the first time I've eaten Jemmy's food. Wait, what? Why are you so excited? No, no, no. Go get it. I'll take it. I'll get it. Oh, you're going to eat it?

Yeah. All right, here we go. Baby, I'm sorry they're eating your food. This is like ice cold. Yeah, I'm sorry they're eating your burger. I'll get you another one. Er. It's not bad.

It's not bad. The main issue is that it's very dry. Yeah. Mm- Er. It's not bad. It's not bad. The main issue is that it's very dry. Yeah. Mm-hmm. It's a dry guy. But it's a good burger. Like they make, these are tasty as hell. Whoa, what are you, what is this?

Oh, you're giving it, oh. See, look at this. Hmm. Okay. Yeah. Jemmy, do you want a little bit? Do you want a little bit of burger? Jemmy's a little too cold.

Do you want me to put it down? She's gonna, yeah, she probably wants you to put it on the couch and then she'll take it. Yeah, all right, I'll be back. You want it back? Yeah, I want another bite. Wow, good job. The winner of this round will face the winner

of the punctuation region, Taco Bell versus Chipotle and Sweetfin, which will be on Doughboy's Double this coming Tuesday with special guests Neil Campbell and Paul Russ, so look for that episode. Amelia is distributing white boards where we can write our answers and reveal them all at once. Can I just say something real quick? And these you guys initially just wanted to call them dry erase boards and Mitch said they had to be called white boards. Yeah.

We're from the same state. Remember? Before the show started, he said I didn't want him to sit on this couch because he's too brown. Whoa. You did come in and say, who busted this guy into my podcast? Ha ha ha ha ha. I thought that the Dope Boys didn't have any, was it DEI?

Yes? Yes. Yes. Yes. I just want to say something real quick on a personal note since this is ostensibly my region. Doing the Tournament of Champions here, Mitch, for 10 years, this is the 10th one.

This, I believe, I can say without hyperbole, is the single toughest decision of my career as a Munch Madness judge. There has never been a time when I have dealt with one chain so dear to my heart and one chain that I think is so at the top of its game. And I have to really evaluate how objective I can truly be when I am dealing with excellence versus excellence. Well, I have to tell you this. I came into this, just hearing what we were gonna have, knowing I have a thought. Right.

Then yesterday had my two, I changed it. Then I came back in here, changed it again. And until this moment, I didn't know what I was gonna put down. Wow. Oh, also remember we're supposed to write down whether we prefer a Mordecai or a. Oh, I did't know what I was gonna put down. Wow. Oh, also remember we're supposed to write down whether we prefer Mordecai or. Oh, I did not forget that.

Or what? Or Poirot? Yeah. Okay. Oh boy. Okay. Okay. Jemmy has seen my answer.

Wow. She can read, so. The only thing, the only thing, fact about Jemmy, she can read. I'm pretty sure she can talk too. She's just not letting us hear it. Well, she's yeah. Okay. It's okay to be soft spoken girl. Boy, she's so well behaved.

It's crazy. What a cutie. All right. I have my answer. I don't even know if I believe it. Have we all written down our answers? Yes. That's a, wow, what a statement.

I don't even know. Yeah. And I am making my choice. I just wanted to say it one more time. It's, I could never have an In-N-Out burger again, or I could never have handles again. That's how I'm saying it to myself. Like I just want to make sure it's like, I can never have the In-N-Out burger,

never have handles again. I have to think about it like that, because it is. And I want to make sure I'm writing down. Mitch just started erasing his answer. I'm writing down the thing I want to win. I'm writing down the thing I want to win. You're writing down the thing you want to win. The thing I want, yes, okay.

I'm not thinking of this as I will never have this other one for the rest of my life, but I think that's a valid way to think about it. I'm just thinking- Tell me how to think about it. I wanna- No, I mean, I'm personally thinking about it of what wins in this competition.

What had a better showing? What is better at what they're trying to do? Got it. And yeah, that's how I rendered my verdict. Mitch, have you made a decision? I almost deleted this, I don't know. You don't know? Deleted.

Are you not confident? Do you want to abstain? Hey, watch it. I thought I was a king to you. Wow. Uh-oh. Wow, wow, wow. Uh-oh. Wow, wow, wow.

Almost deleted. It's not that big of a mistake. We're going to be called into a civil suit. All right. Jemmy and Amelia are suing me together. Joint lawsuit. Jemmy and Amelia are suing you. What are you doing, little guy?

All right, fine. You ready? Are you ready? Are we all doing it at the same time? We're all locking you up. We'll all turn. I will count down from three to one. We will, in unison, turn over our boards. All right, fine. You ready? Are you ready? Are we all do it at the same time? Or do you ask one at a time? I will count down from three to one. We will, in unison, turn over our boards.

We say it out loud or we just flip it? We should say them out loud as well. Because it's an audio form. I'm about to change my mind. I don't know what to say. Do you want a second? Do you want a second to think it over? No, no.

You were locked in. I'm locked in. OK, here we go. I'll count down. Do you need to have Amelia erase your board? I'll delete it for you. Is that part of the problem? All right, easy now. How long is Griffin's episode? Are we close to topping it?

I don't think we're quite gonna make it. No, no, we need another like 40 minutes. Oh, fuck that. Yeah. Can you go to the bathroom again? We may have about an hour. All right, we're gonna count down. I mean, we still have a feedback question to get to,

so who knows? We'll count down from three to one and in unison reveal our answers. Say what we think we want to advance to the final fork. In three, two, one. In and out. In and out. I'm team in and out.

Oh my god, it's a tie. It's a tie. Oh my god. It's a tie. And also, I want to call everyone's attention to Mitch's spelling of Poirot. Pure-ro. Pure-ro. Pure-ro.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That is public school. I am shocked at myself, but I really am just so impressed with what Handles is doing. Oh my god, Wags. Why didn't you do the arrow? Yeah. Wags, I said I was like, it'll be fun to say Handles,

but I know Wags is going, I can't believe this. I believe. Well, Jason, I'm surprised at you after saying that you, the dessert is your favorite. I really loved it, but it really was, if I had had to be choosing one of these for the rest of my life, I might've chosen handles, but I, and I enjoyed the handles,

but boy, I love an In-N-Out burger. And if you said to me right now, as we're leaving, we can go to In-N-Out or Handles, I'd go to In-N-Out. Either of these, if I could only have one for the rest of my life, the answer is In-N-Out. That's an easy one for me, but I have nostalgia working for it. So putting that aside, I think Handles was great. But also, I just want to say, like, it's like,

these are both, when I wait the gallows someday, and I hope I am afforded the kindness of a last meal. And I would want... Why, you're going to get executed? Yeah, and it's in this area. What did you do? and I hope I am afforded the kindness of a last meal. And I would want them out. Why, you're gonna get executed? Yeah, in this area. What did you do? Oh, I believe that we,

I think we're like eight months away from gallows. Uh. We're absolutely on our way to gallows. I would want In-N-Out Burger, but if they brought me handles, I would die with a smile on my face. So I think handles deserve the wood-fence. Well, here's what I'm gonna say.

The first time I see you smile is fucking while you're being hung. So I think handles deserve the win. Well, here's what I'm gonna say. The first time I see you smile is fucking while you're being hung. I think this is what swayed my vote on this. I think that we need to uplift the ice cream places because there are plenty of burger places. There are plenty of places to get, and by the way, that's a great burger.

There's plenty of great burger places out there. But I think that ice cream gets the short end of the stick sometimes. Like it's rare to get an ice cream going forward. And I wanted to go for the underdog. I get that. But so now what is the protocol for a tie? The protocol for a tie.

We go to rule number seven. I'm sorry. Rule number eight, tie goes to the runner. If there's a tie, host and or guest can agree to do a foot race around Headgum to decide which side wins or they can opt for a Deus ex machina, which would be letting the deus decide.

Mitch, I think the sporting thing to do is to invoke the Deus ex machina, especially because they have been a captive audience for going on three hours. And I think we should let Casey and Emma and Amelia render a verdict here and decide which one is going to win. Do they want to sample any of these ice creams, by the way? Very rudely we got offered them any of it.

Yeah, do you want any melted ice cream or a very cold half-eaten burger? Okay. I'll say this is the first time I've tried handles, is right now. Casey's about to try handles for the first time. This is fucked. Let's not get in there.

Yeah, this is gonna be a lot. Let's do the foot race. Not ideal scenarios for having handles. I will say Amelia texted the handles menu to our Dough Girls group chat, including Anya and Casey this morning, and was like, what do you guys want for ice cream? And then realized that you both had already gotten it

and we didn't need to go, and Casey had put in an order, and then we were like, we're actually not going. Casey. Wow. I wish I'd known I would've picked up Casey's order. Yeah, we fucked that up for you, I'm sorry. I will say, I get Mike, our video editor, plays in a softball league that plays every Thursday night

and after his softball games, we always go get in and out on the way home. And I have a Yeti cooler that I bring with us and we put it in there and it keeps it nice and hot. And it actually, the condensation thing works in the favor of the fries doing that. It makes them almost McDonald's fry texture. It's like, wow.

I also get them as cheese fries, which is maybe a cheat, but they'll put cheese on top. Yeah, I would do that on this. Like melted cheese? Yeah, they take just a piece of the cheese they put on the burger, they throw it on top of the thing of fries, and they melt it a little bit, so it's not all mixed in, it's just on top.

It's really good. It works surprisingly well. I will, Have you noticed that Mitch has changed his vote? Mitch has changed his vote to handles? Handles pure road. Wait, are you doing this to deny the deus? He doesn't want us.

Suss wouldn't want the deus to have the answer. Suss is dead. Especially, well, in his honor of his memory. Because here's the thing. Casey hasn't even tried Handles. He hasn't tried Handles. You're eating a mix of three flavors in there. This is so close to me.

I agree. Paul's cheers right here. There's three flavors in there. This is so close to me. I agree. Paul's cheers right here. Melee and I have both had handles before. Yeah, you both had handles. You both had a lot of handles. You both had a freezer full of handles. Oh, should have got me that hurricane.

So Casey is the tiebreaker, or are we allowing for Mitch to change his vote? Well, I guess we collectively decide on one and that's the tiebreaker. What are your guys' thoughts here? Oh, no, you're fine. Yeah, where does the deus stand? I would vote in and out, I think. Emma would vote in and out.

That's one vote for in and out. We just heard a giant play about that. I love ice cream. I still have some handles in my freezer. It's fantastic. It's in and out burger, by the way. I know, burger. That's all I get.

One more vote for in and out means that in and out advances to face the winner. I changed my vote to Handles. What do you? Wait, does the deus, does the deus vote I changed my vote to. Have one vote? Mordecai.

Wow. Do we have one, like do we have to collectively vote? Does the deus have one vote or three? Three works. Is it the winner of our three and that's the one? Oh, I never said what I got at Handles. Who cares? That's right, you never did. How did at Handles. Who cares? That's right.

You never did. How did you not get to that? What'd you get? I had to go to the bathroom. You had to go to the bathroom, right? You were thinking about it. You were like, uh-oh. You did talk about a black and white shake

that you got at In-N-Out. I had to go make a little hurricane in there. And then you had to make a black and white shake in the toilet. White? Yeah. Yeah, you had to do 10, and white shake in the toilet. White? Yeah. He had to do 10, 2, and 10, 3 together. Been in there for a while.

I got a medium hurricane, and I got Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Hot Fudge, and Brownie Bits. Wow. It was fucking really good. Sounds delicious. Delicious looking goop. It was. It was very really good. Sounds delicious. Delicious looking goop. It was. It was.

It was very goopy. And I think that was a part of the issue. Am, you're. Am cleaned it. What did you thought? What would you vote for? In-and-out burger versus handles. Handles hands down.

Oh my god. So now it is up to Casey who does. This is not fair. It falls to you. And let me just say, if you agree with Casey's verdict check out his Kickstarter my love for you is deep but this is like the conspiracy guys in our crowd he's dead we learned about it today. I'm changing my vote to Handles.

Handles wins. I want to hear what Casey says. He's going to say In-N-Out. I was really hoping to try that hurricane today. Wow. I'm going to penalize him. That really could have swayed it, but I love In-N-Out and I got to give it to In-N-Out.

Wow. So are we tied again? No. Oh no. I don't know what happened. I actually get Wayne Brady in here. Wayne Brady has to make the choice. This is insane to me, Wies. He hasn't had it until he got the leftover goop.

This is too important. What do you mean? I've only just had handles. But it's a tie now because I have also changed my vote to In-N-Out Burger, which means it it is locked up which means the deus does decide which means in and out burger advances to the next round Wow what a shocker You wanted it If you sort of handled it in the first place it never would have happened

This is such a dramatic ending Foot race Foot race foot race Yeah you can do the foot race Isn't it raining Inside the office how big wait Didn't go around the block no around the office I don't want to I don't want to put race. Oh that looks like you fucking person here is Anya So only on you would witness this oh

We would film it though Oh I am not gonna run around this isn't this no yeah Did you concede or do you want to do the foot race do I concede? What are you talking about? We already went to the dais the dais doesn't know shit. I feel like, I feel like Weiger betrayed himself. You wrote in and out of it. You wrote in and out. I was trying to make you happy for once and you're fucking like, ow. I think that you made a bold choice.

You tried to appease him. And then you realize that your instinct was Handles. You are instinct was Handles. And Handles should have been the winner. Like that is a mess. Handles didn't even win the original tournament. Because you made a very impassioned plea about Handles. This is an important moment is important moment three hours a week. It's a end result We don't know what the fuck the answer is. I would have to do another episode

We might have to we might have to do a part two We're gonna have to do another episode. This is all in response to we can never beat Griffin's time now But like what is more famous Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But like, what is more famous? Handles or In-N-Out? Well, I would argue that more people know Handles than In-N-Out. I think probably, yeah, I think maybe nationwide,

but I think In-N-Out maybe has a bigger, I don't know, I actually don't know, I have no idea. I would imagine that Handles has a bigger audience only because I do think that In-N-Out is not a nationally known brand. Okay, so then what is more famous, handles or dog? Oh. This is a good question.

An In-N-Out sign, like go in and go out, or a door handle. What is more famous? I'm going to look at Reddit and see what Reddit says about handles. Let's see. Reddit. Versus dog, too. Here's what I think we Versus Dog, too.

Here's what I think we have to do, Mitch. I think we have to take this whole dispute to Deputy Commissioner Yu's song. I think he has to- He's gonna cry. I think he has to decide who the winner is and then we can figure, we can reveal the next episode. Well, look, he's dealing with a com-clave right now. He's gonna have to deal with tough questions like this.

I'm opening up finally tried handles in Reddit and he goes, okay, he said, Graham Central Station, that's the favorite. This is all very, very, the monkey businesses want to try, packaging makes zero sense. But everybody here is no negative comments about handles on Reddit.

Oh, and I wanna be clear, I voted for In-N-Out. I have no problem with handles. I thought handles was great. Yeah, the handles on Reddit. Nonsense. Oh, and I wanna be clear, I voted for In-N-Out. I have no problem with handles. I thought handles was great. Yeah, there's handles. It doesn't mean that it's like absolute dog shit. No offense, Jimmy. But I still choose In-N-Out, that's all. How about this one?

Reddit kills like this. I mean, I would've been a fan of some human shit. Four years. I have heard about how great In-N-Out burger is. Earlier this month, I went to LA to see a football game and I finally got a chance to get In-N-Out Burger is. Earlier this month, I went to LA to see a football game and I finally got a chance to get In-N-Out. The food was terrible. WTF, what have you people been babbling about?

The fries are crap, the burgers are meh, and I'm just baffled by the love this place gets. That one by the airport can be hitting though. It can, but it can also be missing. But I do think that's a common reaction because In-N-Out Burger's been hyped the whole, like their whole lives by people from California. And you come to California, it's like, all right, show me what you got.

We got Whataburger, show me what you got. We got Culver's, and then they're gonna dismiss it. And they're comparing it also to like the best burger place they know and love. People are on here going like Wendy's knocks out In-N-Out Burger. I mean, this is like a lot of, a lot of- What are you looking at the Reddit?

That's a magic week. Yeah, that, that, yeah. We could conceivably see Wendy's versus In-N-Out Burger in the finals because Wendy's is of course advanced on the other side of the bracket. We will find that out down the line. But it's Wendy's chicken, right? Wendy's chicken, yes.

So we'll see. I just, I can't, I can't look. This podcast- You can't look? Oh, try opening your eyes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You were on, I was loving the start of the episode. You were giving him so much shit. That came to me. I was still giving him shit. I was still giving him shit.

Yeah, please. Casey. I just think I could have left for this. Casey based his decision on one hour old, like half melted vegan ice cream. 100%. Only one scoop was vegan. I texted Mike our video editor his opinions

and to see if we need an extra vote. I won't reveal it unless we need it. And also, Jemmy gets a vote. Mike did say in and out. Mike would pick in and out between the two. And I think Jemmy would too because she can't have that much dairy. It would fuck her up for days. I think the team consensus is in and out between the two. And I think Jemmy would too, because she can't have that much dairy. It would fuck her up.

I think the team consensus is in and out if we include our workers, our central workers. I can't, look, this show is a lot of things. It's silly, but we always hold ourselves to a high standard. You voted for an in and out burger. You're on record. I know. And that's why this is so hard for me.

This is, this is. You just, the regret? What's hard for you is your personal regret? This is so hard for me because I saw Paul's answer. Oh. Interesting. So you made a tactical decision?

I felt bad that your in and out was gonna lose, so I voted for in and out. What? I saw, I knew. IN-Out was gonna lose, so I voted for In-N-Out. What? This is wild. I saw what you were going through, and I feel like you were trying to appease Weiger, but then Weiger pulls the fucking thing out of the, he like, last minute.

It's a prestige, I don't know what he did. He voted for, I can't believe you voted for Handles. I thought you, I thought. Well, I switched In-N-Out when you switched back to Handles. But yeah, I did vote for handles because I thought handles deserved it. And if it was. And then you go fried chicken versus handles.

I mean, that's a good episode. That's interesting, yeah. It is. So in the course of this series, at the end here, we have collectively voted 11 times. That's right. As a group, we have, I believe, voted 11 or 12 times, 11 times, I think, including Susser Lives.

I've included Susser Lives. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Which is insane. Yeah, it's akin to a conclave itself. Yes. Perhaps we'll have it in the conclave. Here's the idea. Let's revote.

We're not going to revote. What? We're going to figure this out after the episode. We've got to wrap things up, just like a restaurant value feedback. Let's open the feedback. We have a voicemail today. Emma, let's go ahead and play this.

Just revote. Hey, doughboys. You guys just posted a picture of you with that Mrs. Fields cookie. And you just look like my gay dads. I don't have gay dads. But when I saw it, I was like, I want them to be my gay dads. I'm a lesbian, so I'm allowed to say that.

Anyway, what I want to ask is if you two were gonna get married and be my gay dads, what, I'm sorry, what food would you have at your wedding? What would the meal be? And what would the cake be? Yeah. We have to get- So, wow.

Okay, so- We have to get- Wow. Okay, so- We have to get married and adopt this lady? Yes, why not just adopt this adult woman? Yeah. Yeah. I think the question is, if two of us were getting hitched, what would we want for our wedding meal? Now I'm gonna propose something.

Maybe the Doughboys are just planning the catering for a wedding. It could be your wedding. For sure. But I am curious, like, because, you know, we got two happily married men on the podcast and two swinging bachelors. Is there something that you would want on your own?

Like, when you do get married, if that does happen, what are the foods you would want to have there? Well, for me, when I got married, I opted not for a traditional... Uh... I opted... I was just going to say, you didn't have to go for it.

Yeah. Wow. I opted not for a wedding cake. I did a brownie. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Oh, that's great. That's so fun.

I like that. Brownie and there's ice cream available to make at Alamod. I think I would like to have like ice cream situation that would be you could go and get an ice cream cone or one of these or something like that. Oh, sure, yeah. You know, like as a dessert.

Like I'm not a big, I don't love cake. I don't love those kind of like, and I can't eat most of them, but so then I would like there to be some sort of dessert situation that was good for me. I was at a friend's wedding and and they had an ice cream bar. And it was wonderful. They had a bunch of flavors. And then you could add toppings if you wanted.

It was great. Great decision. I'd probably get an in and out truck. Wow. But then during the course of the wedding, you'd change your mind and get a handle truck? This was the hard. This, look. What the? Whoa. OK. ha ha. This was the hard, this, look.

What the? Whoa. Mitch just knocked his hat off. Hats are off. Oh, god. Oh, buddy. Amelia, Amelia, quick. Amelia, quick.

Thank you. Oh, thank god. Nobody saw. Nobody saw. Thank you. I just want to say one thing. Yeah, please. The winner.

Thank you. She said what I wanted her to say, which is you're welcome, King. Just so you guys know, and I think we should feel really good about the decision because the owner of In-N-Out did donate $25,000 to the California Republican Party and $40,000 to Donald Trump's presidential campaigns. And we're gonna say, we're gonna match that right now.

Match it, match it. It's coming out of Casey's Kickstart. But here is the thing that I actually think is really interesting. The owner does not intend to pass ownership of the company to their children. Oh wow. Okay. What does that mean?

And it does not intend to franchise nor sell it. Oh my God, he's gonna have a com-clave? Yeah, so what does that mean? Snyder, when Snyder goes. It's like Lorne. Yeah, yeah, this is over. That is, Esther Snyder, what is she gonna do? That's a...

I wish she would give her son Dan Snyder. When it... Ah. Cool guy. When I read Sumner Redstone's, the book about Sumner Redstone that came out recently, I forgot what it was called, but, um, there's a part in it where he gives a speech

to a building on the studio lot that's being named in his honor, and during the speech he says, I will never die. Incredible. It's like 87 years old at the time. Incredible, I love it. And he did though, he did die. He did die.

He did die. I will say that one of the charities that they have started has an unfortunate name, but a good reason. In-N-Out has started a charity called Slave to Nothing. Which is improving the lives of individuals and families affected by substance abuse or human trafficking. But that is a tricky, Slave to Nothing is a...

Yeah, yeah. I'm seeing a text here that says, if we are indeed voting for In-N-Out, we cannot comment on the gay marriage question. They don't wanna stop. Wow. Oh, wow. But that's a great point. In-N-Out says not to do it.

That's a great point. Which is a vote for Handles. Which is a vote for Handles. I, yeah. Is this a to be continued? It's like back to the future too. I'm gonna give proper due to handles and see where their charity donations are. Yeah, and I feel like you've investigated

any of the corporations at the top. Oh, they're all villains. Everybody's villains. Absolutely. Let's be clear. This is, I don't know how to end it. I don't know what to do. I know how to end it.

If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at feedback at birdfuck.com or lose the voicemail at 830. Go to that's 830-463-6844. Our producers, Emma Erdbrink, our associate producers, Emilio Marino, our supervising video producers, Casey Donahue, our video editors, Mike Dorfman.

Doughboys apparel and merchandise is available in partnership with Kinship Goods at kinshipgoods.com slash doughboys. And hey, you can get the Doughboys double, our weekly bonus episode, where Munch Madness continues all Munch long, plus our entire pre-28 doing back catalog. Subscribe at patreon.com slash doughboys.

Zooks, Shear, you both are princes. A barn burner. Thank you so much for being here, giving so much of your time to this bullshit that solved nothing. We're walking away not knowing the answer. Casey, what is the- Susser lives.

What's the time on Chuck E. Cheese 2, please? Oh, Chuck E. Cheese 2 is about a little under three and a half hours, I believe. Oh, OK. We're at 318 by this clock. Yeah. Oh, but we've got to put ads in there, so. Ooh, I like the sound of this. OK.

All right. Are we doing plugs? We really don't know anything. No. I think we made a decision. It's just that Mitch is Hemming and Hawn about. I think the decision that was made when we had the initial vote that I said, Mitch,

are you locked in? You haven't even seen me start to Hemming and Hawn. I said, Mitch, are you locked in? You haven't even seen me start to hem and haum. Oh, boy. I said, are you locked in multiple times? You confirmed that you were. You voted in and out. It locked it up at 2-2. I said handles. Watch the video.

You had in and out there. Handles. We invoked the law that is established by the late Commissioner Susser. By the way, our friend died earlier in that episode. Yeah, I know. Oh, I'm emotional today. By the way, your friend, not our friend. Yeah, not our friend. Yeah, not our friend.

I would say my friend, honestly. Do you want to be honest? I mean, how much have you hung out with Sussex outside of work? I was supposed to get lunch with him yesterday. We had to record the fucking podcast. You were supposed to get lunch with Sussex yesterday? Yeah, we were supposed to get lunch. You guys did go to the Nixon Library together.

We hang out. No, you do not. How many presidential libraries have you gone to with Susser? Oh, that's bullshit. Yeah, I did. I've never been to any presidential library until they built the Trump- Big surprise. Savage Flex.

Savage Flex. I've been to the JFK Library. Oh, there you go. In Boston? Yeah, yeah. The rules said that the deist gets to vote. I think it's good that our essential workers got to chime in and then get essential.

I don't need to hear from the hoi polloi. I thought that the deist is one vote, but we counted them as three, right? We counted them as one collective vote because a three to one majority ended up. Emma and Mike all said in and out. Only Amelia said in and out. I just feel like Casey didn't.

My only issue is. Even if we take Casey out, Mike has had him both. Well that's what I kind of think. He's not a part of the dais though, to be clear, sorry. He has been before. No, but he's not right now, so that doesn't fucking help. I do believe that Casey has to be disqualified

from the dais, I think everything you say is true, but he's got to be, he did not have a proper version of it. We had the same one that handles the Zooks had. No. That's Emma. It was. This is where I would go to my phone, put my thing, to look at the podcast app,

and notice that there's still 45 minutes left in the episode. And I'd be like, what the fuck is this? What are they gonna to talk about? It's just the two of you bickering for the whole of it. Emma's a little too on the side of In-N-Out. I want to check the bottom of your shoe, see if there's a John 3-16 caught under there.

Wow. I think you've been bought. I think Emma's been bought. I'm surprised that the guy who was at church last night, you're going against In-N-Out, and they are. They are at a church- You are going against God. You're choosing the devil's ice cream?

This is it. The handle, you open that handle, it goes to hell. My soul was cleansed last night with Ash Wednesday. That's what happens. Ash washes away your sin. Well, you know what I think you made the mistake mistake of you had empathy and sympathy for your fellow podcast You tried to yeah, and you tried to be about I do think he definitely made a choice to make you happy Oh, I think he did but like yeah

Should have voted with what was in your heart So I guess what I'm saying is, if Casey is knocked out of the vote, then it goes to another tiebreaker. So there's another tiebreaker. Do we have it in here? Oh yeah. She had handles.

But then that's fair. Get Doofson in here. Are we just gonna keep bringing people in until everyone agrees with Mitch? So we'll stop complaining? I think what we do is, I think Casey- You can see the foot race. Hold on, hold on. We're gonna keep bringing people in until everyone agrees with Mitch so we'll stop complaining. I think what we do is I think Casey- You can see the foot race.

Hold on, hold on. I got a solution. Cause we need to end this episode. We kept our guests far too long. I think we end this- It's only three hours and 20 minutes. I think we- Casey that hurricane.

I think this is what I was gonna say. I think that we end the episode. I think Casey gets, we get Casey a hurricane and then we later get Casey's verdict, Avery's had official handles. I love this too, I get that hurricane. Yeah, I mean, I do like this too. And then we'll decide.

And this empowers the day. I think it's too much, I think it's too much power for Casey to have, you know, he can flop whatever, cause he can make a decision. Now I think he's gonna have to promise us. Okay, now Paul makes an interesting point, which is we can't empower the deus too much. Yeah.

I agree. We need them to understand they are not on camera town. I agree. Thank you, Zooks. Get Wayne, next thing you need to be in here. Yeah, look, they've already got a camera pointed at themselves, what the fuck is that? The camera privilege is gone.

After this episode, no more camera for the deus. It's gone. And they have mics? It used to just be you could hear them chiming in the background, but they have their own mics? This isn't fucking Doughboys and Friends. This is fucking Doughboys and Deus. This is the Doughboys podcast with guests. Not with Deus. Yes!

Lock them up! Lock them up! Lock them up! It's the. Lock them up. Lock. It's time. It's the time of the program for plugs. I want to give Casey a chance for you to plug your Kickstarter one more time. Yeah, and also remember to pick correctly

if you want that funding. Yeah. Yeah, go to CaseyMakesMovies.com. Contribute to the Kickstarter. And if you contribute and let me know which you prefer more, I will consider it. Wow. Too much power.

Zooks, Sheer, any plugs? And thank you both so much for being here. Thank you so much. Oh, man. An absolute delight. What a blast. I got yelled at for this earlier, but since he plugged his movie, I'm going to plug Coke Zero.

It's a great drink. So how about that? Wow. How on earth are you up to? You're done. You're cooked. Yeah, I am cooked. How the fuck is this? He's on a Miralac tie. So how about that? Wow. Earth, are you up to? I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, on in a couple in,

I don't know when is this coming out? In a little, it doesn't matter. In a little bit, I will be on a British panel show called Taskmaster that will be available on YouTube. I believe in the next month and a half. And the Taskmaster app, because that adds immediately. It's great.

Yeah, Taskmaster, it's an incredibly funny British comedy panel show. If you don't know it, check it out. All of the seasons are available on YouTube and the app, and I will be on season 19, and it is insanely funny. Wow. I will quickly say that I do a show every week now with Rob Pupil called Watch the Dark Web,

or it's just like, oh sorry, I do a show with Rob Pupil called Dark Web, but you go to watchthedarkweb.com to find out how to get to it. It's on YouTube, it's free. And my book, do a show with a lot of people called Dark Web, but you can go to watchthedarkweb.com to find out how to get to it. It's on YouTube, it's free. And my book Joyful Recollections of Trauma is out as an audio book, as a regular book, whatever you'd like.

I'll say one other thing. Yeah. How did this get made? On tour. Oh, yeah, we're on tour. We are on tour. Oh my gosh, I forgot about that. Basically next week. Yes, we're gonna be in Boise, in Denver,

in San Fran, in Portland. Austin, Seattle. Yes. San Francisco. And in Denver, in San Fran, in Portland. Austin, Seattle, San Francisco. And we have a Toronto date coming up as well. So you can go to HDTGM.com. I can't believe we forgot about that. Yeah, so come see the show. Go see that show. And bring us handles and bring us in and out,

if you can find it. Don't bring us any food. No. I don't want, and I wanna just once again, recommend to you guys that you stop eating food that fans give you. Now, by the way, now we are at 3.26, so now we're very close to the Chuck E. Cheese episode.

Oh, we're way over it with that. Well, no, if we remove Mitch's diarrhea break. We can't. No, the diarrhea break is baked in. We also stopped the timer. You did, oh, I didn't even catch that. We stopped it for his diarrhea break? No, not the one where you kept talking.

The first bathroom break and everybody said you stopped. OK. So earlier when I had diarrhea, that was covered. That was covered, yes. OK, got it. Also, I want to say, it was pretty solid. It wasn't too low. Just for future use, I'm going to get this clean just so you

can use it. The diarrhea break. So anytime there's a stop down needed in the future, you can use that. We can get Hubel back on the pod too. Oh, yeah. Look at that guy. Oh, I'm sorry.

Never mind. We're here now. I know. I mean, I love this. Oh, this has been three and a half hours together. We've got to get Hubel back. I canceled the conference call and supporting my friend's movie. I'm late for therapy. I was supposed to be in my therapist's office 20 minutes ago. I cancel the conference call and My

I was supposed to be in my therapist office 20 minutes ago I need this help you can go to church go to the Atwater church. It's very nice Church in place of therapy Therapy? I wonder what's wrong with you is wrong with you. Who's very sur-perminente. Dr. Permanente! Dr. Permanente! Oh, thanks everybody, that's our show. That'll do it for this episode of Doughboy. Sit down next time for The Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell, I'm Tiger Weiger. Happy eatin'!

See ya! Goodbye! Alright folks, I have a Handles Hurricane here. Fresh from the store, has not been sitting out for hours. I got a Heath Bar Hurricane because Heath Bar Blizzard is my favorite kind of Blizzard. I'm gonna give it a shot that is really good it's better than a blizzard for sure take another bite this is great and I'm gonna eat all of it great and I'm gonna eat all of it but I don't think it's better than In-N-Out I am sorry to say taking what a third bite here yeah this is fantastic I'm gonna

get it again this isn't gonna be my last hurricane but I gotta got to give it to in and out. Sorry. I'm sorry, Mitch. Although you voted for in and out, I don't know what this means for the tournament. But my vote stays with with in and out. OK. An update about halfway through this thing. Thinking about it. My vote still in and out. an update about halfway through this thing. Thinking about it. My vote's still in and out, but it's because I constantly crave in and out.

I want in and out all the time. It's a great burger. It's inexpensive compared to, you know, other burger places. And it always hits. It always, always hits. This hurricane also hits, but I'm not going to crave this nearly as frequently as I crave in and out. So my vote is definitively in and out.

So my vote is definitively in and out. Great job, Handles. But you're not going to beat the double-double. You're just not. Hello and welcome. Or hi. My name is Cole. My name is Andrew. We host a podcast called Podcasts but outside where Cole and I set up a table on the sidewalk and talk to strangers who are walking by

We have a sign on our table that says hi be a guest on our podcast and we will pay you one dollar We are the only ethical podcast. We're the only podcast that pays We have really interesting conversations with really fun folks like who like Marilyn Okay, and I was somebody else's wife for a while with the second one worked out. Well until he died Oh, I'm sorry to hear that it turned out. He had a double life. What what was the second one worked out. Well, until he died. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. It turned out he had a double life. What? What was the second life? He was a crack addict.

Wait, how do you hide that? Hold on, how do you hide? He was a nice old Jewish guy. How did he get addicted to crack? He started smoking it. I know, but I'm just trying to... I know. That was a good clip.

Hey, thank you. And sometimes we even have celebrity friends of ours helping us to interview these random people off the street. Like who? Like John Hamm, Adam Scott, Nick Kroll, and Otsuko Okatsuka. So please subscribe to Podcast But Outside on YouTube and podcast apps. And then have a good time.

That was a hate gum podcast.