Doughboys - Munch Madness XI: Buffalo Wild Wings vs Handels with Jess McKenna and Zach Reino
Episode Date: March 19, 2026Jess McKenna (@jessjessmckenna) and Zach Reino (@zachreino) join the 'boys to talk their podcast Off Book, corporate improv gigs, and past presidents before continuing with Munch Madness XI: ...The Tournament of Champions: Reheated Rivalry, with the first match-up of the Semi-Soft Final Round.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/doughboys Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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The Buckeye State.
While generally known for pro-sports futility and culinarily known for Skyline chili,
Ohio is also the point of origin of multiple notable chain restaurants.
Most prominently Wendy's, last year's Munch Madness Champion and the namesake of the Dave Thomas Cup.
But it's also home to a Youngstown-founded creamery that's become beloved.
across these United States as a working-class counterpart to its sophisticated sub-zero sibling, Ohio's
own jenny's. Plus, it's the birthplace of a chicken chain named not for its founding city of
Columbus, but rather for the original New York hometown of its co-founders, the source of the
new now ubiquitous buffalo wings and the mostly ignored Wex sandwich. Could two chains be more
similar yet more different? And how does one even evaluate frozen cow milk against hot bird portions?
We will find out as the journey for the Biggie Size Championship Cup approaches its inevitable conclusion,
Whatever happens, one thing's for certain.
Neither Mitch nor I will be mad.
This week on Doe Boys, we raised the stakes, spelled S-T-E-A-K-S, obviously,
as we begin the semi-soft final round of Bunch Madness 11,
the tournament of champions, reheated rivalry.
It's a Mitchell- Mirror match with Buffalo Wild Wings.
That's it.
Handles.
Ring the bell.
Welcome to Doe Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants.
I'm Tiger Weiger, along with my co-host.
Greta van Sustinence
The Spoon Man Mike Mitchell
Greta Van Sustin
A punta Van Susteren, the Fox News legal analyst
Also, Greta Van Eats was an alt
Off of Greta Van Fleet, the band.
That's fun. I mean, that's more fun
than the Foxx.
Greta Van Susten is pretty funny.
It's a good pun.
I don't know her because I don't watch that channel.
Hmm.
What do you like?
Wait, what are you saying?
Name one liberal news media.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, there's so many liberal news media.
What's the far-right one?
Newsmax.
You watch Newsmax.
Way in.
When you were saying left-wing, when you were saying left-wing stuff, I was thinking Fox News.
To me, that's left to me.
They're basically liberals.
Rhinos.
Publicans a name only.
I was sitting next to a lady on the...
Coming back from New York,
I was sitting next to a lady on the plane
watching Fox News.
And it was like something like,
Dem's gone crazy.
It was like, it said like,
and I was like, Jesus Christ.
Who's a clip from Dooboys?
These are lame bad,
but I like how both Greta Vans
can be turned into food terms, Luke.
That is a good observation.
Roast at BirdFock.com.
Good observation, Luke.
Mitch, as is of this episode's release day,
and Emma, correct me if I'm wrong,
I will believe we will be in Des Moines, Iowa,
with Paul Russ.
Wow.
Next up, we're going to be in Florida for the first time ever.
The dough boys never been to Florida.
We're going, I mean, we have, but the dough boys have never been to Florida.
But you haven't been for a very long time.
I went once as a boy.
Yeah.
Once as a boy.
I just remember the air being hot.
Well, you're not wrong.
The air is kind of hot.
And like swampy.
Humidity.
Yes, swampy.
And then at a motel, because my dad would always stay at like what the cheapest place was,
there were like gator pits.
So, like, you could, they were like stay away from the gators.
So you were at, what's that?
that movie where it's at the Florida Hotel?
You were kind of...
The Florida Project.
Jesus Christ, I should have gotten that.
You were Florida projecting it down there.
Yeah.
I forget what happens in that movie.
There's a vending machine.
Young girl coming of age.
Young girl coming of age.
Willem Defoe.
Isn't there creeps running around everywhere?
And I'll stop talking before I'm introduced.
No, I love it.
So we're going to be Florida.
We're going to be Orlando on Wednesday, April 1st, and Tampa Bay Thursday.
April 2nd tickets.
Can I just say what we're doing?
I should say what we're doing, but there might be,
we might be having fun too.
I mean, we might be having fun.
We'll see.
I don't know if you're going to abandon the fun part of it.
Here's the thing, I'm not going to be having fun, but the shows should be fun.
You shouldn't have said so many fucking tour dates.
We did too many.
We had a blank spot in the calendar.
So who gives a shit, that's great.
There's places we haven't been.
You're always getting on me for not touring.
And then I'm just like, hey, like,
Why don't we take the opportunity while your show and my show are both dark,
while we have like, why don't we go on the road a little bit?
I'm trying to be a little bit more amenable to that.
And now you're coming at me for that.
It's almost like you can't win with me.
What can I say?
We might be having fun down there.
That's all I'm saying.
We might be having fun.
Give me the fuck out of this city, for God's sakes.
Gosh, I hope we're having fun.
I bet we'll be having fun.
We'll be having fun, but more fun than Hollywood, California.
I don't. I think this is a better place than Florida, don't you?
I mean, politics-wise, no, but...
It's just been a tough week, Wags. What do you want me to say? I'm tired.
Yeah. We're all...
Anyways, let's do an episode.
We're all tired. It's 9 p.m.
It's 9 p.m.
I'm usually getting ready for bed.
Get bad news left and right.
What are you talking about?
I can't talk about anything.
Christy Nome resigning.
Jimmy should be scared of that news
Oh yeah
Christy Nome's back on the hunt
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha,
you're, that's what everyone says.
Um, um, you and I'm, you're in, you're in a sour mood and I understand why because there's a, but, but also
So.
Call me dark spoon.
Your dark spoon.
But also things are going great for you.
Dark spoon or dark spoon?
I like dark spoon.
All right.
Yeah.
Because Darth spoon is like dark, like it's like, you know.
Spoon noir.
Is that good?
Spoon noir.
Spoon noir.
Spoon noir.
He doesn't fucking like it.
No, I'm just trying to say it.
Spoon noir.
It's a little.
Spoon noir.
Spoonoir.
Spoon war.
That almost makes you sound too fancy.
Spoon war, yeah.
No, I don't think I, yeah, I don't think that quite plays.
I think dark spoon is correct.
All right.
I don't feel like dark spoon.
Like dark wink.
I feel like Dark Link
Yeah
I'm not happy
Your greatest enemy is yourself
What's that?
Your greatest enemy is yourself
I think but you know what
That is always the case
It is always the case
Can you say Dark Link again
Dark Link?
More like dark sausage a link
I'm down here in the gutter
And you gotta fucking spit and stamp on me
You're doing great
You're thriving
You're a big success
Hollywood comes in the turn of slice
Hollywood slices you left and right
Hey, take this deal
Cut your wrist
I'm gonna clean up this trash
Because I'm spoon noir
You can't
I understand how
We've all had setbacks
I understand how setback
And make you feel
But you're overall
Doing great
Thanks watch
You too
Hey this is the year
You're in the Napa boys
Which is a very
What's your setback
Farong fucking
Your Varang toy is out of stock
Is what I was trying to say
No, I pre-ordered it
He does have a Varang toy
And a Varang tattoo, have you seen that?
Yeah, I do have a Verong tattoo. Have you
showed me about what's the in person? Okay, I can try
you in person, hold on. He makes a talk.
Whoa!
Yeah, right? Whoa.
Getting inked up.
Yeah, well, what was number one?
That was this guy, my tiger thigh.
Tiger Thig, and then I got him a buddy.
You're going to be like a Navi at the end of this.
You're getting ink all over your body.
Yeah, maybe I will.
She's got that palm tattoo, which is intense.
Can you imagine getting your palm tattoo?
If you got a palm tattoo, I'm on high alert nervous for you.
Like, that is that...
You got the eyes, like the Pans Laverance.
Oh, man.
If Wager got the Pans Laverins' eyes, that is...
I can't think of anything fun here, honestly.
Let me tell you, that palm tattoo is going to get worn off pretty quick.
The things that we'll see, though.
Uh, Emma, let's hit him with a drop.
Wawa, Wawa, Wawa, Wawa, Wawa, Wawa, Nna.
Ugh.
Susser, Susser, Susser, Susser, oh, oh, oh, do.
Oh, oh, do.
Oh, oh, do.
Wow.
Oh, oh, do, oh, oh, cream pie.
Creamtown.
Cream.
Oh, oh, do, oh, do.
Oh, dough.
Oh, dough.
Oh, dough.
Oh, fuck.
Love you, buddy.
Oh, so good.
Hello, D.K. and the whole crew.
The extra fart at the end is a little gift to you guys for your group effort of protecting Sonny,
Sani, aka Come.
Thanks, Count Dropula.
This is the cat that you rescued.
This is from last year.
How's Sunny doing it?
She got adopted, so I assume she's doing great.
She's thriving.
Good for Sunny.
Seems like you're over that story.
What?
She's doing great.
My adopted daughter is somewhere off in the world.
You made me take her in.
I didn't want to...
We're never supposed to discuss this on the show that I made you do it.
I didn't want a second cat.
It's okay.
I agree with you.
I was fostering her and they found an adopted home.
It's a great story.
Yeah, it was a great time.
I just didn't want a second cat at this moment.
You saved Sunny's life.
It was a very beautiful thing.
I sincerely believe that.
It's the truth.
Yeah.
It was a really lovely experience.
I really did love her.
But don't send her any updates on Sonny.
Sunny was a great cat.
It was a great cat.
It still is a great cat.
It's funny that Susser was mentioned so much in that drop by Count Dropula, who...
I think Camillea handed Sunny up to some really hungry guy with two pieces of bread.
For all I know.
Was this an Alf-like figure?
Oh, awesome.
Okay.
Is that how Alf sounds?
That's something like that.
Yeah, pretty close.
Yeah, it's close.
Wait, what about, what did you say about Susser?
It's interesting that Susser got mentioned so much in that drop.
And, like, today, he usually shows up for the meal.
Yeah, where the fuck is Susser?
Where's Susser?
What the hell is that?
Uh, anyway, let's introduce our guest.
It's good that it's ice cream in wing, so he probably would be covered in stains today.
Our guests host the Improvised Musical Podcasts off book,
Jessica McKenna and Zach Reno.
What's up?
Thank you for being here.
Oh my gosh.
What a duo.
The Zach and the Jess.
Jess, of course, a veteran since year one of this thing we call Munch Madness.
And Zach, I believe this may be your first time, if not your first time in a while, at least, if not your first time ever doing Munch Madness, only you done in the pod before.
I believe that is correct.
Wow.
Munch Madness, I was saying before, put it on my obituary, put on my tombstone, inventor of the McKenna Doctrine.
That's right.
My most important legacy.
Wow.
We'll get to that.
This is, I mean, we're lucky to have you since year one.
I mean, an honor, you know.
This year's podcast, this year's theme for the, uh, for,
Do Boys to podcast what year one the movie is to movies, I would say, right?
Better than you thought when you look back on it?
You know, I've never, I've never seen year one.
I just remember being a big box office, but I was so excited for year one.
Me too.
And then I just never saw it.
Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah.
So you're saying you just don't remember the first year of Doe Boys?
I'll say this, that there was a lot of,
I mean, I definitely do not remember the first year of To Boys at all.
Do you remember?
I remember bits and pieces of it.
I remember bits of being.
We were very tall chairs at a different studio.
This is part of why I have some strong memories of it is because it was a relatively short period of time and we were in a different environment than we recorded most of the rest of the show.
Yeah.
Yes.
It was very high up.
I think I've been in those high chairs.
Yes.
And then I was around your kitchen table.
Yep.
Some live ups and then here.
Right.
Is there a different?
Is there another?
This is the most comfortable.
Yeah, this is the best.
I mean, my house wasn't bad.
Your house was lovely.
That was nice.
Yeah.
The tall chairs were, if you listen to those old recordings, sometimes
they were like, there was like birds flying by.
Right.
People falling off chairs.
You would hear them like a, what does that call?
The Will Homescream?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, the Will Hops.
What is it called in the script when you put in like,
when like they go further and away, you know what I'm saying?
Isn't there a word for that or no?
What?
When a person is, like, falling and they like, fall.
Oh.
Like a Doppler?
Like a Doppler effect?
Yeah, Doppler has to start by getting closer to you, isn't it?
Doppler.
No.
Maybe I'm not.
Maybe I just am not.
I don't know.
Do you mean fall?
Yes, I meant fall.
You know, that's why I meant fall, you piece of shit.
I was also saying that I had the great fortune of just be, I was walking by last year
when you were, I think, setting what the right.
And we said get in here, record an episode?
No, I just set what the thing you send it to was.
last year.
Right.
Right, yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I'm always sneaking in
and Munch Madness
if I can, Terminum Champions.
Your rule changed everything.
Sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak.
And your rule is Avatar based
this year, by the way.
We'll get to that.
Oh my God, I'm so excited.
This year's theme is reheated rivalry.
Don't get too excited.
Yes, reheated rivalry.
Have the two of you seen heated rivalry?
Oh, yeah.
It's a good show.
No, I watched a little bit
over my wife's shoulder,
but no, not really.
I had a great time watching
with my lovely wife.
Did Morgan watch any of it?
No.
It was a solo venture for me, yeah.
But you were having fun.
Oh, yeah.
It was a great.
Oh, great show.
Oh, I will say I had heard so much about it, and I was like, okay, I want to watch it.
I want to watch it.
And I decided I was, you know, I've read some of these romantasy books, you know, the sexy fairies and dragon writers who have sex.
Right.
And I kind of thought it was going to follow similar pacing.
So I was like, well, I can watch episode one on a plane because that'll be the whole like,
our hands barely toucher.
I saw you across the room, like, you know, building the tension.
And so I was in the airport flying home for the holidays, and 10 minutes in, I had to turn it off.
I was like, oh, I can't watch this in public.
They go hog wild.
It's sexy, really fast.
It's really sexy.
Because we just watched the first episode, and it gets very, it gets crazy.
For our pilot program, I've seen the whole series.
And then Amelia has watched it three times?
Yes.
Three and a half, it's on a bike.
Yes.
Well, three and one sixth.
I mean, get us to the cottage.
You know what I'm saying?
Let's go.
Beautiful.
Beautiful boys.
It's really fun in the cottage.
Oh, gorgeous.
Are you always getting a glimpse of the TV
from over your wife's shoulder?
What's the deal here?
She won't let me stand directly in front of it.
She says a man's place is over his wife's shoulder.
I think she's right.
Watching the TV she watches for moments of the time and going,
what is this one?
No, don't interrupt me.
Not for you.
I'm watching.
Great show.
Do we ask Susser if he's seen He'd arrived where?
I can't remember.
I think he did, right?
I don't know.
No, I think he did because I think he was telling you to see it.
Oh, really?
Wasn't he?
No, I don't.
Can we just ask him?
Sure.
All right.
But you want to call him?
Well, I mean, look, where is he?
Well, did he come up with the theme with you guys?
He did help come up with a theme.
And then, and also he's almost always here for the meals.
Yeah, I thought I was going to see him.
Yeah.
He's actually not answering a million nice text, so it might be.
Yeah, just go on.
Check in with him.
What the hell?
Okay.
I mean, whatever.
He's got a family.
He's got a job.
It is 930 at night.
It's fucking.
Family's asleep.
That's true, actually.
This is maybe Daddy's time to...
I send him like three tax asking if you wanted to come to the...
Well, you don't need that...
You don't even invite him more than once.
Okay.
All right.
It's ringing.
Hello, this is the Dodiac speaking.
The Dodiac?
You heard me.
This is the Dodiac speaking.
To whom am I speaking?
This is Mitch and Weiger.
Where the Do-Boys, where's Commissioner
Susser. Yeah, where's Susser?
Oh, don't worry. I have your
commissioner, and I'm holding him
hostage. You started that with
Don't worry. You're holding him hostage?
Don't worry. I'm very worried. Don't fret.
Don't worry for even a moment.
I'm sick with me. I'm fredding.
Yeah, I'm fretting too.
Oh my God, Mitch. That means
the commissioner has been kidnapped.
Oh my God.
Suss has been kidnapped?
Susser has been kidnapped.
Oh my God. I'm here for a
Plot point?
This is huge for me.
A life plot point.
A life plot point in our lives.
A live on speaker.
We need you.
Our lives.
A huge plot point in our life.
Hello.
Hi.
Oh, sorry.
Doriak, are you there?
Oh, a side character in our lives.
We're just processing this in real time.
This is a way we all know Susser.
We all love Susser.
He's such a key part of the tournament of champions.
And you're saying you have him.
And you tell us, don't worry.
So I was like prepared to not worry.
Now I am worried, Dodiak.
Are you worrying?
Yes.
Yeah, we're all worrying.
need to.
Seems like we should.
We should.
Could you tell us something that will make us not worry?
Because everything you said has made us worry.
Yes.
Your beloved commissioner, Mr. Susser, is safe.
Don't worry.
In fact, I'm actually a big fan of the show.
And I'd never do anything to hurt any of you.
That sounds, hold on the tone of voice there.
The words.
I'm a big, big fan.
And don't pretend I'm not different from your regular fans.
All right, now hold on a second.
I don't know that.
I don't know.
I liked at first when you put it,
it sounded like you were being sarcastic about bad things happening as a susser.
That's where the big chairs were, yeah.
Why did you guys leave there again?
Uh, yeah, we had reasons.
The chairs mostly.
The chairs were too high.
I see.
We were up there for a sky bearer.
I had that same problem.
Yeah.
I shouldn't say this trying to remain anonymous, but I'm five foot two.
Okay.
That does narrow it down to me.
I have BDE.
Now I don't.
know who it could be.
We love our short kings and BDE.
Hey, God bless.
Can I, hey, dodyak, can I, can I, yeah.
Let me get that clean.
Bad, dastardly energy.
Oh, no.
Now I'm more worried.
Can I now ask you, do you also have a big dick or no?
My finger is hovering over the end call button.
Do not ask me something personal like that again.
Oh, my God.
We don't want to do anything to anger you.
Please just stay on the phone.
While I'm on the phone, while I'm on the phone, can I ask a question?
Yeah, one.
I'm going to put him on mute.
He's got a big one.
You think?
I think he's got a big one.
You think he's read a big one, then you say you'll have a big one.
Well, yeah, I don't know.
I can see him playing a little bit coy.
It's also like on a five foot two frame, like a lot of pogs would look pretty big.
Good point. Good point. Should I take him off mute?
Yeah, take him off mute.
Don't hang up.
All right, all right.
And it triggers my misophonia.
So something to think about.
Here's another question.
I have for you and he won't answer it for me
but do you guys really have to do
what he says. Susser?
He makes up all these rules for your tournament
and you guys are like
you're like oh no we have to do
it's just a podcast you don't actually
have to do what he says right?
I mean
I guess I never really thought about it that way
Why are you guys so cocked?
Okay. Okay.
Hold on. Hold on sorry. Hey!
Shut up! Hey don't
Hey, don't, you're you.
You're out your mouth! Hey, only we can speak
to
susser like that. Are you yelling at susser?
Or neighborhood dogs?
Gemma got really concerned. Who do you think?
Yeah. Well, speaking of Jimmy,
I don't think the guys really like
her. I think Emma just insists
that she's there. Do you guys agree? That's not
true. We like, we like, we love Jamie. You sound like someone from our
fucking Reddit, honestly. I bet you're,
honestly, I'm certain to suspect you maybe are on
this Ardo boys. Well, I'm on your
Discord. You're on
the Discord? All right, well,
look. I love, listen, you're not
the only podcast I like. You're not the only
podcast I like.
you're not the only Discord I'm on.
Okay, we're not the only podcast.
I like, in fact, I don't really like this show that much.
Which podcast do you like?
All fantasy, everything, blank check.
Yeah.
Las Culturistas, Red Scare, come town.
Wait a minute, all right.
Is this painting a different picture of this person than I initially had?
I got a question for you, Dotya.
I mean, you're not the only...
I can't believe I'm talking to Mitch right now.
Holy crap.
There's other kidnaps and Zodiacs I like besides...
I mean, I don't even know if I like you, Dodiak, to be clear.
But I need to know...
That's okay.
One does not need to be liked to be respected.
Yeah, he's on the Reddit, for sure.
This guy is a Reddit guy.
How did you transport Susser?
He's...
Through a series of pulleys and levers.
Attached to a truck drawn by horses.
Got it, got it.
It seems like...
He's really giving me a lot of trouble here.
I have to tell you.
I had to widen the hole in my floor just to get him down there.
And he keeps eating the lotion instead of putting it on his skin.
He keeps a miracle whip.
Oh, no.
Oh, boy.
Godiak.
Did you, I need to know how you caught him, too.
Did you put a cupcake over a cage that was hanging in the air and he came and took it,
or what's the deal?
High on a windowsill.
It's a classic.
Stink lines.
Yeah.
I just put a sign on my house that said,
free meals for the homeless.
And then he showed up with clearly he had bought a pair of scissors at a CVS and cut
slashes in his pants and shirt and was like, I'm homeless.
So,
dedicated to getting free meals that he's willing to sabotage his own wardrobe.
Probably because he's more than the process.
Oh, no, I know, I know.
No, it sounds like something he did.
It sounds like something he did.
Yeah.
Well, we don't like that you've kidnapped.
Sussar, we have a tournament going on.
I bet you're having such a fun time trying to catch me.
I mean, we haven't.
I bet you're having such a glass trying to figure out where I'm calling from.
I bet you're tracing my call right now and just giddy with delight.
Can you do that?
Can you do that?
Or at least like what's the area.
Yeah, are we tracing it?
You're called Susser, right?
There's an app that you can download to trace calls by cost 99 cents.
It doesn't work.
Yeah.
I tried it.
Yeah.
So what's also where you're calling.
Suster's phone, so we'll just reveal where Suster is.
Oh, yeah.
She knows if that's where, I guess that would be where this guy is.
See if his family has, like, find my phone on.
Yeah.
That's a good idea.
Yeah.
Can you check that?
I did pull an air tag out of his, behind it from behind his ear.
But that was a magic trick you were doing, or he carries one there?
Do you do close up magic?
I was trying to pull a quarter out and then I pulled that out.
I knew it.
Yeah, yeah.
You felt like you maybe did some close up magic.
Yeah.
That's how I got him in, too.
I said, sit here.
I'll do a trick for you.
He started clapping.
So embarrassing.
Susser's family, I texted them
his parents and his all-on-one text and I said
Susser's been kidnapped and they said, we think he'll be fine.
So I think they're okay with it.
Okay, well, yeah.
But I'm more worried than Susser's family.
We need him to at least end this tournament-wise.
I guess they're feeling like they're not worried,
which was the advice the Dodeak offered.
And maybe it's because they have a higher,
they hold their loved one in a higher esteem than we do.
They think that like he'll be able to fend
himself, which I'm sure he will.
Doniak, don't you hurt him.
Don't hurt him.
Don't hurt him.
Don't touch a single hair on his head.
I won't hurt him, but maybe I can help you.
I won't hurt him, but maybe I can help you.
I meant to say it that way.
Let me get it clean.
Is Emma there?
Yeah, Emma's here.
Emma's here.
Emma can edit all this up.
So like, just like, if you have any notes, honestly, you can just text them back to us
if there's anything you want us to take out.
Honestly, if Susser has notes too.
Yeah.
We can send a, can we send a, can we send a, can we send a, can we send a, can we
sent a rough to susser to listen back to?
Is that okay with you, Doniak? Is that cool?
Sure, yeah. Okay, great.
You guys want to hang out.
Okay, quiet.
Three, two, one.
I won't hurt him, but I can help you.
Oh, shit.
It was, that was a better tale.
Yeah, circle take that one, though.
The hair on the back of my neck kind of stood up.
And Jess and Zach, I can hear, I can tell it to you.
I'm a big fan of you guys, too.
Oh, thanks.
Thanks, Dodiac.
I always go see you guys on Harold Knight.
Whoa, wow, that's a long time ago.
Whoa.
Hey, just don't ruin the surprise on the Reddit, please, Dodia, because people don't know who the guests are.
So this is in the, you know, we're recording this.
Okay.
Yeah, right.
Is Emma there?
Yeah, Emma, you can bleep that out?
Yeah, yeah.
Well, it's in the episode.
No, it's in the episode.
So you just can't, yeah.
Just don't like, since you have advanced knowledge of it, we're recording this video.
It doesn't release for a couple weeks.
Oh, oh, okay.
And then also, I guess, Susser might be, like,
free by the time this episode comes out, so in which case we'll have good news to
a now. Hey! Shut up! Hey! Oh, no. Doniak!
What? What'd I do? I agree with you. He talks too much, but still don't yell at him
like that. What's he talking about? Listen. Yeah, what is what is what is what is Suster saying?
I don't know. He's mumbling about giving him more low shit. He's hungry.
Something like that. Listen, I have a new tournament rule for you. How about I end the
the tournament for you? Hmm? Oh my gosh.
God. I mean, what is, what is, what's, let's begin with your rule. What's your rule?
Well, I think, and I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things, but.
Sure. Not surprising.
I think that there is such a thing as first bite biased, wouldn't you say?
I guess so, yeah, that your first bite, you're going to be a little hungrier.
It's a yes or no question.
Yes, you know, I agree with you, I agree with you.
We agree.
Well, since the tournament is Mitch versus Weiger, I think that if you eat your own food first, it's
unfair. So you're of course familiar with the medieval law of
Supreminoctis. Of course. It's a feudal
writer the first night which gave a lord permission to
have sex with all the women. Have sex with all the women
before they were they had it with their husband. Someone's very comfortable
with that rule and someone who's very grossed out by it on the same couch.
He's talking about you for knowing it though. Yeah. It's basically
just a plot point in Braveheart right? It's in Braveheart yeah. How cool
do we get to be here for this plot point?
What's where are you going with this?
Don't pull that brave heart shit on us.
Yeah, where are you going with this?
But they'll never take our freedom.
Yeah.
So how about Jupriva Noctice or right of the first bite is the new tournament rule?
So Mitch and Weiger must eat each other's selected items before eating their own.
Oh my God.
The rule is implied or Susser gets it.
Dodiak, this is.
This is sick.
Also, it's a
Juprema nomtis.
That's the pun.
If you want,
I think that was,
that's maybe the pun
you were looking for.
You want to take that again?
Okay.
You want to take that clean?
See, I'm looking at something
written in front of me
that's spelled two different ways,
but, um,
yeah, well,
the first way, I think is the,
the real way.
I,
yeah.
And this is like the,
the,
this is your,
what the fuck's going on here?
Do you,
do you, do you in the don'tiac
have something going on?
I mean,
I don't know what you're talking about.
So,
how about
Ju prima nomtis or right of the first bite.
Oh, Nantes.
Mitya must eat the other selected items before eating their own.
It's a rule or Susser gets it.
Uh-huh.
It's Latin for the nom, nom, nom.
Oh, right.
Yes.
So, hold on a second.
You knew that the Dodiak maybe got that wrong?
Don't worry about it.
Okay.
Dodiak, this is happening to us in our lives.
I know, I can't believe it.
This is your plot in your life.
I can't believe it.
This is a new character in our lives, in the plot of our lives.
Doniac, you do have BDE,
big dastardly energy.
You're, you are, you're too evil for me.
Jodiac, we will do it.
We'll put in the rule.
Yes.
Just tell us how we can have susser back.
Okay.
I'll let your precious little commissioner go.
And all I want in return is to be reinstated back into the DOSCord.
Do you want Drop King and Fish are mods to put you back in the Dosecord?
Yeah, I believe I was.
moved unjustly.
Well, we'll see what we can do.
I mean, those guys are removed.
There are, there are, freedom of speech says that there, that you are allowed to say certain
things.
Okay, I'm guessing you're probably being a little, little edge word or annoying in there.
Yeah, okay.
All right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, Jesus.
Look, what do you mention, did you mention bug main?
Did you mention bug main?
Is in the kingdom of Saudi Arabia.
Oh, my God.
Oh, okay.
I'm not sure.
Well, what, what's your, what's your username and then we can, we can, we
can see what we can do about unbanning you.
I'm hot salad oven fries 420.
Got it. And until then,
your commissioner stays with me.
You shut the fuck up!
You get back in that hole! You get in the hole!
Oh my gosh. Just by what he says, I am worried.
I am fretting. And I'm fretting.
I am fretting.
Bye, Dodiak.
Peace out.
Justice for Domino's.
What the fuck?
Dominoes won a tournament, Dodiak.
Yeah, and they're not in this tournament.
Maybe the presence of Costco pizza instead.
I'm hanging up on you guys.
Bye, Dodeyak.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
But dodiak, oh, young up.
The part that's really throwing me is that he's a lost cultureistas listener.
Yeah, I think he's just never, you just never know who people are.
An eclectic taste.
Yeah.
Listening to both lost cultureistas and Red Scare.
Yeah.
Just, you know, maybe he's the one person.
People are complicated.
Those podcasts are one and the same to me.
Sometimes people have different podcasts when they drive, work out, fall asleep.
They have one that their friends listen to that they talk.
about.
That's right.
Can I be honest with you?
Please.
I like the dodiak more than Susser.
Whoa.
Oh, no.
I don't know.
No, I'm worried.
Yeah, I'm worried.
I mean, Susser's really annoying.
I know that you haven't been around, I guess, in the last few months, but he's
been pretty trying.
Mitch, we've had some problems with Susser, but he's our friend.
And he's the commissioner of the D'OBOES' termination.
And let me tell you, I don't know how the chairman can go on without him,
but we're just going to soldier through.
I don't know how it's going to go on without him either.
Why?
This is this is insane.
Yeah.
Even when he does get back, his palate's going to be all messed up from, I guess, eating a ton of lotion?
Who knows?
So true.
That stuff's not for eating.
What is that due to your taste?
It can't be good.
I don't know.
I mean, it's possible it makes them extra sensitive.
It sounds like the Dodiac was like just trying to have him put it on his skin.
Maybe he was feeding him.
I feel like Susser was doing extracurricular eating.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know that he was making him eat the lotion.
I think he was choosing to eat the lotion.
He was opting to do so.
That's terrible.
Yeah.
Do you ever like wash him?
your hands and then also want to drink water
and you do it too quick and so you put
soap in your mouth? A hundred percent.
Yeah. Or you go to put the soap on but you actually
open the toothpaste and now you've got toothpaste
on your hands. And actually that's too close
to the lotion so now you brush your teeth with
lotion. Yeah. That's a whole thing.
And then that's so close to lotion that then you're
masturbating with toothpaste. Yeah. And then
your pants, labyrinth eyes are like, this is
too much. And your crotch is so
minty fresh. Your
relationship falls apart?
And then you don't get to watch TV over her shoulder anymore?
That's the nightmare.
You've been being sucked off by a dentist.
Oftentimes dentist's breath stinks.
Yeah, I wonder what's going on with that.
Doc, that's what I say.
Well, I've never encountered that.
No?
Oh, maybe my...
Well, actually, Tunesie's got some good breath.
I think sometimes it's like a, there's just a staleness of, like, any breath midday.
Just a bunch of it in your face.
It's going to be kind of intense.
Yeah.
Aren't your dentist masked?
I feel like mine are masked a lot of the time.
I go to like a non-masked dentist
Right, yeah
It's a specific type of dentist
Yeah
Mitch we had an unfortunate encounter
With a dodiak there
But we had a lovely thing
With one of our listeners
sent us some Decision 92 trading cards
Do you have those?
They're in the other room
Okay, we don't need to do it now
We're not going to get them
We don't have to
I thought you were going to have them here
Well I didn't set them
We can get them
Well, let's not worry about it
We just won't do it
If a girl's ever had bad breath
That's a deal breaker for me
Ever?
Like what kind?
You know, what kind?
Morning breath.
I'm very specific on this.
And I will find my true love.
I think you guys should support me on this.
I'm rooting for you, Mitch.
Yeah, yeah.
You'll get there.
Morning breath, though.
Just like, don't, you know,
don't cancel anything else in a partner
unless you're willing to also,
I guess, never ever have morning breath?
That is the, I actually do go to bed
with xylemeltz.
This is the truth.
I use xylel melts because of my C-Pap.
Wait, what are zylam melts?
Zylumelts, and you can get mint xylumelts,
which you put in your mouth and then, like,
they dissolve over the course of the night,
so you wake up with kind of minty breath.
Whoa.
But I don't do the mint ones.
I do, the minor just kind of slightly sweet.
But you do...
Are they mango?
Wait, can we all guess?
Are they papaya?
You can all guess the flavor.
I'm going to guess cinnamon, like a big red.
I do nerds rope siloel melts.
Oh, wow.
That's fun.
Love that.
There's no real, there's mint or just like regular xylemeltz, and they're kind of sweet.
No one knows xylemeltz.
But you get like, you're saying it's specifically to prevent morning breath?
For me, some people use them for those reasons.
They use, but I, like, that's sad to, because who cares?
It's a natural thing where you get in morning breath.
Yeah, and if you really care, you just get up and brush your teeth.
Yeah, but brush your teeth.
Well, I guess you could lounge around a little longer with the xylemelt's if you wanted to.
But they, for me, the CPAP is blowing air into.
my mouth.
Dry.
Dry guy in there.
It's a dry, yeah.
It's a very dry, like with the air just shooting in there, it gets very dry, and then
the xylum melts melt over the course of like eight hours.
And I have a nice wet, I mean, it's disgusting.
I have a nice wet.
No, I think this is perfect.
Yeah.
I wake up with a nice wet mouth.
A nice, wet, slightly sweet mouth.
I wake up with a nice, wet, slightly sweet mouth every morning.
Here's, here, I want to talk about offbook a little bit, because one thing that continues
used to amaze me when I think back on it, is that you somehow made offlook work during the pandemic.
How did you do that?
Oh, yeah.
It was a nightmare, and we have our brilliant engineer, Brett Morris, to think for it.
But we used a what felt like a sort of like lime wire-cahaz-era freeware program called Jamulus.
And it was like designed so that like choirs and bands could keep practicing so it helped get rid of latency.
So if you were on our show in that time
and we did like fewer guest episodes
because it was so arduous,
it was like a 35 minute tech setup
where we were like, okay, you're gonna be on Zoom,
but that's gonna be all muted.
That's just so we can see each other.
Then you need to open jamulus,
and then we all need to be in the same jam in this room.
Now separately you need to open a quick time
to record yourself or any other audacity,
whatever, whatever.
And then...
Now here's the best part about Jamulus.
It is an open...
You can't really like password protector room.
So anyone that has it,
can in theory jump into your room.
Oh, no.
And people frequently would.
And sometimes you have like an icon on you
that sort of identifies what instrument you were playing
because, again, for orchestras.
So there was like a French horn that would show up every once in a while
and we would have to try to mute them as fast as we could
before a French horn.
And it was a person just playing a French horn.
Yeah, or they'd be like, what's this room?
I wonder if they need a French horn.
Because like people were jamming like in these digital.
little rooms.
Right.
And they don't expect to be like a performance that you're recording.
Right.
Right. Exactly.
Because worst case, it's just like, oh, sorry, this isn't that and they can move on.
Can we open a jam-y-less room right now and see what happens?
You got 30 minutes of text that I.
I wonder if it exists.
We had tried like a different one called like Jam-Kazam.
And I still get emails from them.
I got to unsubscribe.
No, I want to see what they're up to.
Jam-Kazam.
We did an episode.
I can't remember if it was with you, Mitch, but I was definitely on an episode during the
pandemic and I remember the whole jam-y-less thing because there wasn't
there a thing, isn't there was like a count, there was like a counting thing or something like that?
We had to go like one, two, three, four, this is me, three, four.
Yeah, probably to test how lined up we were.
Oh, I feel like I remember this too.
Right, because it was like, like, you know, with musical performance and the two of you
know this way better than me.
I think I remember that weird ass song you just did specifically.
It was something like that.
It was something like that.
It was some sort of like, like sink up counting, like clapping sort of hybrid.
Zach and Jess are just like.
No, I think we've memory holds some of this.
And also I did an insane thing where like Brett dropped off a bunch of gear for me early in the
pandemic of just like off book and also guessing on other people stuff. He gave me audio gear,
which was very sweet of him, which I still have. But I never and still haven't invested in like
a good stand. So I spent the whole of the pandemic being on other people's shows just holding a
mic. Oh no. And off book records, especially with all the setup, would be like two and a half
hours and I'd have to kill the AC in the room I was in. I would just like come out like covered in
sweat with a pinch behind my neck and be like, I guess this is how my art continues.
Like it's so, so crazy.
I think I really don't think about it.
Ralph Lawler, the former Clippers play-by-play guy, used to call entire games holding a microphone.
You just got it, like he got used to the handheld.
I still do it.
Like even if I'm like guessing now, if I still hold it because I just got.
You could probably lift Thor's hammer with that arm now.
Yeah, but well, that's just because of my pure heart.
That's
What, wait, so we like, because, so, so, so, yeah, you have to do that when you're doing musical performance because, you know, so much of it is like being in sync and you're off by a tenth of a second and can ruin everything.
I think that normal, like, internet connection or phone connection has like a 500 millisecond latency.
And that's enough to make it basically impossible to sing together.
Wild.
I hate when latencies are off like that, likes.
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah.
I tell you what, I'm worried about latency.
I am.
I'm Fred.
I'm fretting about it, too.
You want to be a low-ping bastard, but sometimes you end up as a high-ping bastard.
That's so true.
To referencing some very early internet gaming us lingo.
Were our guests or I alive at this point?
What is...
You were alive.
What was the game?
This would have been like the online quake era, like very early, like 2000s.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yep, yep, yep, yep.
Now that you say it.
Ping famously still around.
Ping's still around.
Still an issue.
Yeah, ping's still a thing.
Yeah.
Yep, yep, yep.
What a great word, ping.
Ping.
Ping.
Ping.
Ping.
Is that a, what's the word that's a sound that's also a word?
I knew it.
I could have gotten it myself.
I'm on a monopoetic.
That's right.
Did someone send that to me or did I say that?
We said it on the podcast.
We said it one day and it blew all of our minds.
We all said it like 25 times after that.
But I think it's not a word.
It's not.
So you tricked us.
Automotopoetic.
I think Onomatopoetic.
is. But that's the noun versus the adjective.
Yeah, I don't know if the adjective is that.
Like the Sandpeng is both Anamotipia and Anamontopoetic.
Or you could be like, that line has an onamano-a-poetic quality to it.
I like that.
You know what I mean? Like if you were dissecting a poem.
Linguistics is descriptive, not prescriptive.
So if that's a new word.
Here's the thing. If we understand what it means, then it's a word.
My Mitch.
My Mitch.
Mitch just decided to get up and live.
Yeah, he hates when we talk about figurative language.
My favorite is synecta-eke.
Senecta-key is a great word.
Schenecta-key?
Is that different than Schenectady, New York?
Synacti is the city, but then Charlie Coppin had a movie, which made a pun out of that,
Synecdochee, New York, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
What's that mean?
Senectekee means when you use a part to represent a hole, I believe.
So, like, how if I say, oh, we have to protect the crown, you know what I mean is the royal family, right?
Yeah, but you're just using the crown.
They're using the crown.
And then there's another one, which is the opposite, and forget what the term for that is.
Is it metonym?
I can't remember.
They'll tell us.
Antonym?
No, it's not antonym.
This mic arm needs some oil.
It's a little bit tin.
It's tin manning out over here.
Oh, yeah?
I've heard, uh, the microphone arm.
That mic arm's got no heart?
That squeaky as fuck.
This could not hold Thor's hand.
That mic arm is Bach?
Will you listen to listeners?
Mitch, we got to be careful because this is going to, this is going to trigger the,
the Dodex.
And the Dodex.
He has misophonia.
Oh, shit.
Damn.
He's going to hate all those pings.
Yeah.
I had to go to the bathroom and I was a little torn up about Susser.
I was just in the bathroom crying for a good.
I'm sorry.
We love him.
And I also got these Decision 92 counts that you teased.
From the bathroom?
Uh, yeah.
They were in the bathroom.
I didn't expect them.
These are Decision 92 trading cards.
These are special election edition.
The candidates of the issues.
It would be fun to open, right?
Including billionaire Ross Perrault special subset, a very successful third party candidate,
but couldn't get over the hump against the two-party system.
Do you know what is crazy?
to me to think about is that Ross
Perot was a prominent, reoccurring
character on all that.
That's right. That's wild.
Played by what's her name? A small
girl with giant
fake ears. He'd be like, hey, Ross Perot!
Oh my God. And it was like
a Nickelodeon sketch show.
And I knew the reference.
Yeah. I was like, yeah, that guy. I mean, he was
very famous at the time. Can I say the first card?
The first
card of my pile of cards
is candidates
Candidate
Self-announcement
candidate David Duke
Oh beautiful
You love to see that
First card
My first card
They better not all be David Dukes
My first card is David
You got a mint David Duke
I do have H. Ross Perot
Also it's all that variant
I got the H. Ross Perot
wearing a cap and gown
Maybe getting some sort of honorary degree
And this is this is called
emergence of H. Ross Perrault is the way this one is officially titled.
Is there any context in the back of it?
These are so funny.
There's too much here.
Vice presidential choice.
The first major decision facing Democratic presidential nominee Bill Clinton will be
selection of running mate to record.
So his running mate isn't even chosen yet?
Is that what it is?
I guess by the time these were released.
Here's one called carry on issues.
Now, this is not John Kerry, who would be the presidential nominee in 2004.
This is Nebraska Bob Kerry.
who was another progressive senator.
And now was he a flip-flop or two, married to a ketchup, a ketchup queen?
I think he lied about us serving.
I think that's, that he had that in common.
I got to find myself the ketchup queen.
That sounds fantastic.
I hope the breath is good.
Give me that fresh ketchup breath every morning.
Okay, so they include the wild cards.
The wild card just says wild card.
This sucks.
Well, I don't know.
Maybe that's what our democracy needs, am I right?
A wild card.
Jemmy was licking my Tom Harkin for president's card.
Oh, there you go.
the Iowa's own.
Iowa's own.
And you know what?
I got a really,
really, really good one next.
Better than David Duke?
Better than, even better than David Duke,
except I think two are stuck together.
Oh, mine just says wild card too.
The wild card has a unique value.
That sucks.
It's boring.
But I got Bill Clinton playing the saxophone.
Wow.
That's fucking great.
Wow.
Our saxiest president.
Thanks.
I can't be the first.
I got Bush on issues, the economy.
George Herbert Walker Bush.
Oh, boy.
He looks bad enough.
He's not looking great.
I mean, he lost this election to the much more charismatic and hornier Bill Clinton.
Hornier.
I don't know.
Saxist, definitely.
Hornier, we'll see.
I got George H.W.
He's hitting a shot, a golf shot here, Wags.
In a little sweater.
And a little sweater.
This is a better one than yours, I feel like, too.
It is better.
George Bush offered a program which included
a cut in the capital gains tax rate to a
maximum of 15.4%.
Breaks for first time home buyers
including a $5,000 tax credit
spread over two years and penalty
free IRA withdrawals. Democracy
sucks. It's fucking stupid.
That sucks. Except of the populace is all
clamoring for you.
I got this one's good. Little St. James
the island. Oh, that's nice.
This island is not
problematic in any way. It's a nice
vacation spot for nominee
Bill Clinton. That's what it says here.
The importance of the
census, Brown on issues.
This is California Governor Jerry
Brown, who is another candidate for
a, I think perhaps the favorite
at a certain point and then
dropped out. Paul Songis was also doing
pretty well in the polls for a time. This is
another Democratic candidate. And then
possible Republican VP
selections. Now, here's the thing.
The image on
this one is
Dick Cheney.
Dick Cheney, who would be vice president, but not for George W. Bush, but for George W. Bush, his son, he would serve two terms.
Whoa.
And then finally, we have Perrault's impact on the system.
Yeah.
Little to none.
Make him sound like a meteor.
I have mine closes out with Pat Buchanan.
Sure.
Past presidents and just all the old presidents all standing in a line.
Amazing.
Very cool.
And then on the back of it, it lists every president, starting with George W.
Notably ignoring half of the people in this photo who are, yeah, the wives of the past presidents.
Okay, great.
There you go.
The first ladies are there as well.
But then I got to tell you.
Well, they're called the wives of the past president.
I don't think anyone's ever called them first ladies before.
Someone got these, these cards are little too sticky.
They're real sticky.
They're real sticky.
I don't know.
But my last card is pretty good.
This last card says JFK conspiracies and on the.
card is Oliver Stone.
Wow.
Whoa.
You know, that was his film, JFK.
I know.
That era, maybe that same year.
Very weird.
Anyways, that was a good.
That was a good waste of time.
Yeah, good, good tangent.
Sorry, really quick to go back to my only point that I contributed about the child
who played Ross Perrault on all that.
Yes.
Can you imagine, though, like if there was a kid sketch show, like, I guess it would be like
just a YouTube channel where there was like an 11-year-old doing like a Jill Stein
impression.
Like, it's so bizarre.
Was that not Amanda Binds?
It was not Amanda Bynes.
Okay.
But the thing, I bet there's like a little Trump who is on social media that every, like, is like the right wing loves, you know, some little shit.
Yeah, you think someone's in Little Trump.
Little Trump.
And Little Trump just does unboxing videos.
I mean, I'm sure, I'm going to look up Little Trump.
I'm sure that that person.
No, don't confirm.
Don't confirm.
Don't confirm.
We've all said it out loud.
It's in all of our algorithms now.
I, look, I agree with that.
I do think now that they're going to reboot all that at some point just by you saying that.
They tried.
We've written for like digital initiations that were like trying to be.
And they also had a more formalized like try to reboot all that.
We refuse to put a bunch of presidential people in it.
What do you think is a mono?
Is it just like more of a, it was more of a monoculture?
Is that what it was?
Yeah.
The explanation's like not that complicated.
But it's still like looking back.
That's so weird to me.
It was a recurring character.
I knew Ross Perrault, and he was also on SNL.
He was on all that.
SNL, he was all over the place.
It was like Ross Perrault and pizza face.
And like giant corn.
And Keenan in a bathtub.
Pierre Escargo is who that is.
Oh, Pierre Escargo.
Good burger.
Now, those are the things that take up the room in my brain
and not like who the people on those cards were for the most part.
You're watching all that.
Not what First Ladies are called.
You were watching all that after school.
I was watching CNN's Crossfire.
And when Michael Kinsley was on panel, I was smiling.
This is my favorite.
Zach, we saw each other very, very recently.
Mike Carlson's birthday at the Great Smokehouse in Burbank.
A time capsule, a dingy sort of lounge that is really, really fun.
Where are the two of you?
You've now seen, what's his name?
Jimmy Angel.
As many times as I have, I believe.
The 90-year-old teen idol have, was it?
this your first time seeing Jimmy Angel?
Live. I've been exposed to a lot of his YouTube videos via Mike Carlson.
I was going to say via Mike Carlson.
Jesse, are you familiar with Jimmy Angel?
I'm not.
So he's the 90-year-old teen idol and he's exactly as described.
He's a 90-year-old man.
I'm going to say this.
You would love him.
He would love him. He's a 90-year-old man with a big black buffont wig.
And he goes up and he sings with his band of much younger 60-year-olds.
And they do a bunch of 50 songs.
And then he, in between each song, part of the treat of the show is that he gives
some sort of story about his life that always involves like
oh it's with my good friend buddy Holly you know like there's
always a good friend that was some like music legend it's always like the Beatles
were no good punks I ran those I ran those Brits out of town
I'm like what the fuck
Jim Ingel really hates the fucking beetle he does have a beef with the Beatles
He doesn't like the Beatles yeah he doesn't like the Beatles at all
Really? Yeah and he likes he loves Elvis well because I think he's his
original run as Jimmy Angel was in the 50s which was before
the Beatles, Beatlemania, and then Beatlemania
kind of made his music like the old
way of rock and roll. Change with the perception of like that
cute is the wrong word, but like the heart throb musician should be.
Yeah, I have an idea. If we ever get Susser back,
we should have Jimmy Angel play the finale.
If we could somehow make that happen.
The Munch Madness Valley Jimmy Angel plays.
Look, I don't have a connect, but hopefully that would
be something to figure out. We maybe even take this out of the
episode because that would be a fun surprise.
I mean, the man is playing gigs.
Yeah, he is playing gigs.
Like, I think that's extremely doable.
He plays the smoke house once every two months, once every month or once every two months.
But it's not the only place he plays.
Really?
Okay.
Yes, like he's playing other, like, Carlson, I feel like he's seeing him constantly.
Carlson is maybe Jimmy Angel's biggest fan, which I love.
I'm happy for both of them in that scenario.
He loves Jimmy Angel.
He told me one of his friends saw Superman with him.
Jimmy Angel.
Wait, what?
Wait, which one?
The new one.
Wait.
Like he invited Jimmy Angel out to see the new Superman.
And he's like, oh, right.
And he came with him.
And what do you think?
It's a good movie.
I had fun.
Yeah.
And you were questioning whether we could get him on the show?
Just tell him Superman's playing again.
Or tell him it's a screening of Supergirl.
I mean, that's around the corner.
As musicians, as performers yourselves, do you like playing like a bar or a
lounge environment.
No.
No.
Not a fun crowd.
Well, you know, the closest I've been to,
I don't love
when people are eating a meal
while I'm performing.
Right.
I've done dinner theater and that
it's sort of like, okay, because it's like longer
and it's part of the experience. But whenever we
play a show that has like a full
menu,
it just feels, I feel like it's bad for
both of us. Like, I don't want you
to eat while I'm doing the show.
And I also don't want to have to eat while
watching someone live in front of me.
Yeah, and I guess you're talking about something different than like there's some ambient
live jazz and like a restaurant or something like that.
That's fine.
That's a different sort of.
We're clanking while you're doing a show is.
We certainly couldn't do off book or we're trying to like make a narrative and have people
like hear jokes and understand the story we're building.
If I was just like covering Hanson's middle of nowhere, I could probably do that.
Yeah.
Got it.
Like if I was just singing Hansen's middle of nowhere from front to back.
I could probably do that.
If you had to sing a Hanson song, which one would it be probably?
When the nice guy can stormy, you won't have to reach out for me.
I will come to you.
Oh, I will come to you.
The dodiag!
A spaghetti, you can hear a spaghetti, you're getting sucked into a mouth.
See, I ordered the black bean patty, not the regular patty.
Can we swap this out?
We ain't hearing that at our shows.
I do think it is.
okay. It's different if we were like a band.
Yeah, sure. The fact that it's like plot
makes it different. Right. Like dinner theater
is its own thing apart from that.
I sing backup sometimes
in David Wayne and Ken Marino's middle-aged
dad jam band and
I played a corporate gig with them for
a thing I can't even describe, which I think
is just like the top 25
people who are good at making car
loans for Lexus get to
go to Pebble Beach every year.
It was some sort of rich people of
absurdity. I don't even know what this is. And we played in like a part of the night,
but like big, like they had a tent where Chris Isaac and Backstreet Boys were playing after.
And we were in the before tent section where people could like walk around and get like custom
shoes or look at the new Lexus or have like fancy bacon. And literally no one was listening to us.
And it was fine because we're singing covers and it was like, all right, well.
We're having fun. We're having fun. We're on Pebble Beas. We're on. We're on Pebble Beacon.
and like they paid us to be here and we're like making jokes with each other about like that
I don't have bacon does look good but Camerino just refuses to never do his all and was like
sprinting around trying to get people to listen to us like being a showman as if he were performing
like at the Hollywood Bowl wow it was incredible I was like this is this is why you're magic man
like his absolute commitment to like well I'm going to perform the same for these two people idly
passing by and like getting a glass of wine as I would for like a crowd of people or
I'm like, oh, I'm absolutely not going to do my...
I mean, I'm going to do my best.
Like, I'm going to hold my notes.
I'm going to sing what I'm supposed to sing, but I'm not going to be like...
He is also the front man.
Sure.
Right.
It is such a like, it's such a bulletproof performer move to be able to like even bring it yourself to.
I don't know that I could do that.
I mean, he was sitting in the chairs that were supposed to be for people to watch us.
It was also like cold.
He was like wrapping up himself in a blanket and using it as a cape.
He was like taking the mic to other people, like all the way across like people at little food stations
getting like fancy ravioli and he was like
right do you like Billy Joel
that's awesome it was incredible
I can't I wonder if I'm allowed to say any of that
sure right yeah sure I'd say sure we'll find out
when the last one comes I didn't sign an end
Ken Marino sues you what the hell
no I'm just like a story about how Ken is
amazing but I'm like
that event I haven't signed an idiot you were
you were being vague about what it was
yeah well I certainly
bleep out what the we know it's okay I certainly can't even
describe what it was just like you know how these
corporations do, like, reward weekends?
No, yeah.
They all, like, I did something akin to that once.
By the way, doughboys were open to that.
If you, uh, we'll sell out.
We'll sell out if you want to.
We'll disappoint your crowd of successful salesmen.
So you want to have, they'd love the doughboys.
I mean, I can't even imagine this where people are passively coming by and getting
wine.
And then also, you ain't got two Ken Marinos here.
No, we're, the tater tots were needed more salt, Mitch.
Going up and grabbing some, be like, the tater tots needed more salt.
Scared the shit out of some old lady.
I did a corporate gig many years ago when I was still doing improv over a decade ago, and this was...
Was this a Torco show?
Well, this was UCB related, although I never did Tour Co, which was like with her traveling thing.
Oh, dude, you miss it, man?
Whatever.
Anyway, this was...
I thought you would never want to do Torcoe.
Yeah, no, yeah.
And I'm sure actually, they probably wanted you to do it.
I got asked and I said no.
say.
I replied all and said no.
Anyway, the...
You said, where is it?
They said Pasadena.
You said too far.
Well, you missed out on going to Laramie, Wyoming, and doing a show and then walking
to the bar and getting shot in the back on the way to the bar.
With a BB gun.
By someone with a BB gun.
I didn't know it was a BB gun at first.
Wait, what the hell are you talking about?
This is the truth.
You got shot with a BB gun by a random person?
Wait, what?
I didn't know this story.
In Laramie?
Yeah, yeah.
Like, just you starting that story.
I thought you were making a joke about.
Oh, no.
I wouldn't make light of the...
No, no, no, not that I was like, what are you saying?
A horrible, the horrible tragedy there.
Sorry, you could be cut that out.
I would genuinely like to use.
No, it does, it has a heavy history there.
The Laramie.
It's also Dick Cheney's alma mater, works.
You mentioned that, though, I will say, because Neil Campbell, I believe, our friend was on,
her good friend was on that, that leg as well.
Yes.
And said that, because you have, like, like, sometimes in these things,
you have like a like a local whose job is to show you around or to kind of like be your driver as opposed to like you taking ubers the whole time and this local neil was just making small talk and was like is laramie known for anything and and this person just dead dead i goes well the wall matthew shepherd was killed yes jesus christ
oh my gosh and then dick cheney being an alumni that is that is kind of that's all that there was there i mean and i was like and then they were ready for game based long form improv yeah you know what i'll give this to the university
Wyoming students. They were
nice. And then it was
like a weird space, but then we were walking to the
bar and a big
like a mud, like one of those
big, like big foot trucks with like huge wheels.
Like a monster truck? Like a, like it wasn't a monster truck, but it was
like a big mudder, like a mudd.
Bigger than a normal big truck.
It was a pretty big truck.
Was it a grave digger? It was not
grave digger. It was not grave digger. It was not grave digger or
is there another one? Bigfoot. No, it was not big
Okay.
It wasn't in Bigfoot's family or it wasn't grave digger either.
Got it.
But we were driving along and we were walking along and we just hear like this big truck.
It was like a big truck kind of going slowly.
And then we hear like, like, phew.
Like it did sound like a gunshot.
And then I'm like, and I get hit in the back.
And I was like, I got, you know, I was like, I just got shot.
And I got, and I was like, what happened?
I got shot.
And it was Betsy Sedaro was there and Neil Campbell.
And who was a, was it, was a Trish McAlpin?
I think it was.
Wasn't Alan McLeod was a molasses boy there?
Or do I am wrong about that?
that.
No, I don't think Alan was there.
Maybe it was Trisha.
I think it was maybe, yeah, I think it was Trisha.
And then I was like, huh, look, am I bleeding?
And I pulled up on my shirt and they were like, there's not even, there's not even
a mark on you.
There was like, there was nothing.
It just bounced off me, but I, I've been shot by a pellet gun.
How startling.
It was scary.
Some guy, some guy shot me with a pellet gun.
And then I, like, went to the bond.
And I was like, so nervous because I was just like, it could, I mean, like, would
have taken, like, your eye out.
I would have hit you the wrong way.
Yeah.
It was.
It doesn't change the reality of the shock of getting shocked.
Yeah.
And I thought that I had some good scenes that night.
I don't think I was that bad.
Hey, good for you.
I don't think I was that.
It might have been because the scenes were so good.
That's the thing.
They probably were jealous.
It was a jealous improviser.
Yes.
Somebody could get on a hero night.
You know, sort of a joker situation.
Yeah, right.
Oh, man, that's so scary.
And I was like, this is so scary.
And I went to the bar and I was like,
some guy shot me like with a pellet gun and the bartender was like wait what the fuck like the bartender was like very weirded out by it so I was like that's not a normal thing it's not a normal thing that's happening in my room but we're a weird place anyway bitch before you swiped a snoot kind of like went in there and story cocked me I was saying something else which was I my UCB experience for performing was hey let's be real you fucking liked that story cucking maybe I liked a little bit that's good
story.
So we're talking about corporate gigs.
Accura was having some weird corporate event in an airport hangar at the Santa Monica Airport.
And for some reason, they wanted, like, Nikki Glazer to do stand-up and for UCB performers
to do improv.
In addition to live DJs, a fucking band, there were like skateboarders doing tricks.
There were graffiti artists who were doing street art inside the building.
This is classic airport hangarship, by the way.
This sounds like classic 2010 to me.
It was.
So we were one of like six acts that's happening at the same time, like on some stage,
just doing fucking improv.
And it was like nine people.
And it was the dumbest thing.
It was the biggest waste of time.
We were performing for like no one.
And we did like 45 minutes of improv total and broken up into three sets.
And each of us individually got paid $1,500.
Which considering how poorly UCB pays people.
Yes.
how much of a cut they definitely took from the top.
That means that, like, they were paid like $100,000 and then gave like 10% of that to the improvisers.
It's fucking insane.
That's fucking crazy.
We don't have to keep talking about this, but I did a corporate gig with Fran and Dave Tooney and Nick Mannerock where it was at like a spa.
I screw there.
That's fun.
Yeah, it was great.
We had like, we had such a good time.
Yeah.
But it was for like four, the match.
Fortune Magazine's announcement of the top 100 companies,
and it was one of these big fancy events,
and they wanted us to improv in gowns and tuxes.
They provided the men with tuxes and gave us a stipend to figure out a gown,
like rent the runway or something,
but they were just like, you find a gown.
Boys, here are tuxes from like men's warehouse.
And then we went to this beautiful hotel, like, outside of Scottsdale or something,
and we each had, like, our own very fancy rooms,
and we were in these, like, fancy clothes.
and our job was to take turns saying 10 names at a time
and then try to do improv off of those 10 names.
Like names of the people.
It would be like,
it would be like Milford and Blankenstocks
from Phoenix, Arizona.
Parlor and Gubenheim, like it would be company names.
And then we'd be like, okay, between the notion of a parlor in Phoenix,
I guess I'm like, all the,
ice cream so hot.
Like, she's like dying for, and then there was a host too.
And we did it in like a couple chunks.
And every time we went back, we were just like, oh my God, this is, it was people eating
in a giant ballroom where they're like, what is happening?
And the host throughout the night just kept roasting us more and more.
And then we're like, okay, that's over.
And they're like, okay, now please welcome the stage, real big fish.
Hell yeah.
But we like hung out all day in like the lazy river.
and then we all walked out at night, like, in our gowns and tuxes onto the golf course and looked at the stars.
It was great.
Ultimately, that's the sort of thing where there's, like, when you, like, it's weird in the moment, but when you look back, I was like, there were just no stakes here.
Oh, absolutely.
And we got paid really well.
I don't think it was that high, but it was, like, really well for an improv gig at the time and just sort of like, okay.
Here's the sad news.
I would love if Hollywood was in that shape now.
I feel like that stuff has gone away more.
I think those corporate gigs of anything have just gotten more top.
heavy. Like I think like if you're you know you're you're just a bastion man to
Scalco I don't even know it does corporate gigs but if you're like someone of that tier you're
probably doing them all the time and probably getting paid exorbitantly and then you know the
working classes kind of they don't need improv. Yeah they don't need improv anymore. Yeah and maybe what
they've learned is that actually those kind of diggers are not maybe the best venue for improv.
No yes. Yeah they've learned. Yeah they've learned the lesson sadly. They've learned. They've learned.
They went to two minutes. And so if we, we all only do a few of those where we're like
That was short-lived on Torco.
If I'm going to turn this city around, do you hear me, Wags?
Yeah, when you two run it, it's going to be great.
Yeah, it's going to be great.
Oh, my gosh, I'd love to work for Spoon Man Hollywood.
Yeah.
Even Dark Spoon.
Yeah, even Dark Spoon Ro.
What?
Spoon Roar.
Spoon Roar.
Spoon War.
It sounds like Benoit Block.
Yeah.
Spoon War.
Blanc.
I'm here with this sexy Irish priest.
Who's telling me.
that he did a murder.
I'm sorry, I need this dead man
to wake up.
My delicious glass onion.
Oh, out, careful.
Are he's eating the glass onion?
Out, out, out.
How will I get these shots?
I might need some knives to get it out.
Get my knives out to get this glass onion.
Out.
Everyone's cheering in the theater.
or at the home, I guess.
They're in theaters for very short window, I believe, the knives out.
What was the third one called?
Wake up dead man.
Wake up dead man.
I liked it.
I like it, too.
It was a fun.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You got a pretty high voice there for a second.
I didn't like Glass Onion.
I didn't like Glass Onion at all.
I didn't like Glass Onion either.
I thought Glass Onion was still fine.
The weakest of the three, though.
Yeah.
I agree.
Let's talk about Catholicism.
Yeah, what's going on with that, bitch?
Here's the thing.
You want me to be the guy who tells me what's going on?
I've been told it's like water.
Hmm.
You got it's in three forms and it's the same thing.
Oh, sure.
Oh, sure.
Yeah, yeah.
That's just, that's the concept of the Trinity.
Catholicism.
It's liquid vapor and ice.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
How about that?
Ghost liquid and ice.
Ghost liquid and ice, got it.
Yeah.
Catholicism's doing pretty good right now.
We got a new Pope from Chicago.
That's right.
Chicago.
Pope.
That's fun.
Leo.
Leo.
Hey.
Leo is doing, I think he's doing okay.
I think Leo is doing all right.
Yeah.
There was a lot of shout-outs in Chicago for Leo when we were there.
Remember there was like a...
They love Leo.
They do love Leo.
They're very proud.
First American Pope, yeah?
First American Pope, yeah.
Oh, yeah, big time, big time.
They had the, this is the thing.
It's one of those truth is stranger than fiction things because they have, they had the new Pope.
They had the young Pope.
We had the Conclave.
No one, Conclave, no one thought to do the American Pope.
The American Pope.
The American Pope is more interesting.
American Pope.
He's an American poem
He's from Chicago, man
No one is holier than he's a
Chicago pope
Oops, I made him a Chicago Pope
That's what we do for a living
Can you believe?
I loved it.
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description box. So let's talk about Buffalo Wild Wings and handles. We'll talk about them
the context of the tournament one second, but I want to say this. I'll start here.
This is a problem with both of these. It's more pronounced with B-dubs. You were both saying
before we recorded.
You have to put in your location to see the menu.
Drives me crazy.
The website, I would say, in general, a mess.
Yeah.
Yeah, tough.
A tough hang.
To be like, just tell me the lists of sauces.
Just tell me the stuff that's, and I think this was your pitch.
Just say the stuff that's nationally available.
It may have been your pitch.
Like, you don't have to say, it was McKenna.
You don't have to say, I get that it's a locational dependent in terms of what might be
available.
I get their regional specials.
I get that some places choose, some franchises choose to opt into things.
other ones choose to opt out.
But there's a certain roster of things, items that you know are available at every location.
Right.
Just give me those at least.
Yeah, give me the surprise when I'm checking out.
It's not available there for God's sakes.
Yeah.
Don't make me put my fucking zip code or enable location services.
And also I was like, I'm just going to choose.
I just was like Burbank.
Like I was like, I just show me the damn sauces.
Yeah, no one is really actually picking their actual.
And then they're like, do you want to do it based on where you are?
And I'm like, stop trying to make me enable where I am.
the time.
You don't get to know where I am.
That's probably what it is.
It's probably just a big data company being like,
we could probably get a little more data if we make them put this in.
I tell you everything, Data.
You already know it all.
Data knows everything.
Data, I'm not even trying to keep that much stuff from you.
No, it's like trying to get a look at an age-gated hentai game on the Steam store.
Like, I'm just going to put my age in as like January 1st, like, 1950.
Because whatever, that's the first option that pops up.
Or for me, last night, trying to watch the Dakota Johnson Calvin Klein ad.
Right.
Yeah.
Do you guys see it already?
No, is it good?
Pretty sexy.
Is it?
Yeah, okay.
Also.
My husband tried to tell me to watch it over my shoulder while I was watching it.
And we couldn't watch it on big YouTube TV.
I had to do it on phone version.
It's too horny.
Too horny for big TV.
Wow.
It needs to be smaller.
Small TV.
They were like, you can simply.
Is it explicit?
Is it like chapter alone?
I don't know if you know this, but when basic instinct came out, they played it on very tiny theater screens.
They did.
That was a weird thing about the theatrical exhibition.
Yeah, it makes sense, though.
It's like a three by five index card.
Yeah.
Well, I think if a man sees a breast bigger than him, he'll realize how powerless he is in the world.
Right, right.
And that's just like a truth that I think we all know, but we're trying not to confront.
Yeah.
So true.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If you see a vagina that's big enough for you to walk out as your current size, like, that messes up your idea of, like, being a baby.
Yeah.
You're like, oh, I'm mortal.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm nothing.
Yeah.
They did test screenings and all the men in the audience and started going, we're, mama.
Yeah.
when they saw that.
It was like not since that first movie of the train where people were running out of the theater.
Well, it was the opposite.
They're trying to run into the screen.
They're like, take me back, mama.
Right, right.
Yeah.
We all know this story.
We all know this story.
We all know.
We know that subconsciously every man is just trying to get back in.
We're all trying to crawl into our mother's looms.
Blasted through that screen.
Exactly.
Man-shaped indentations in it.
Trying to get back home.
I can tell you, Mommy's womb seems like a pretty cozy to be.
place to be right now.
It certainly does.
2026?
Take me back.
Take me back to mom's country.
I love that you can.
I mean, you're tasting what your mom's, you know what I mean?
You get to take a little taste of what your mom's.
What's the fuck?
Whatever mommy's eating, you're eating a little bit of that too.
You get to taste.
You don't taste it.
Okay, okay.
Do you know why you have a belly button?
That's the tube.
The tube goes there.
And that's where you're new.
It very notably doesn't go through the.
The baby doesn't go, um, with the womb juice.
Yes, no, I know that.
No, yes.
Okay.
You don't know that, like, there's a version in which Mitch has taste buds here as well.
True.
Yeah.
But does he gets a little taste.
Yeah, you know, Mitch, he does get a little taste.
Thank you.
Oh, how he gets a little taste.
I want to encourage my good friend here, but I just don't know how he gets a little taste.
He tasted in there.
No.
It's, okay, sure, I guess I'll let it love.
I guess once he starts, look.
The baby's tasted a little bit.
Once he starts breastfeeding.
Yeah.
Then you get a little taste.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean
Yeah
Or she
I guess you they say
Or she
Think about that
2026
Women can be babies too
Okay that
Dakota Johnson ad is sexy
But it's like
I gotta watch
I just watched it
It's really good
Is it exist now?
You're supposed to be
paying attention to us
And you had to put in your age
To watch it
Yeah
Is it
Or a Calvin Klein ad
You see like a lot of
I mean it's just
It's sexy
It starts with the shot of her feet
Yeah it does
Yeah
I'm in
And then she goes
Okay, I just finished.
And you're like, whoa.
And then the reveal is reading a script.
Hollywood.
That's good.
Some things in Hollywood are good, still, Mitch.
You have to fight for them.
Slice her somehow.
No, she's playing pool topless.
You probably do want to watch this.
Yeah, that's a really good ad.
You should probably watch this in your shower.
Are her tatties out?
Yeah.
Wow.
But they hold pomegranates out.
She holds pomegranates in front of them.
Oh, okay.
That's funny.
That's funny.
We can all enjoy that.
It's funny.
It's cheek.
It's cheeky.
in more ways than one, am I right?
Is fat bastard in it?
No.
Well, he's just off screen.
Okay.
That's fun.
You can hear him kind of breathing.
You can feel his presence, yeah.
Oh.
You just hear a couple, like a couple of fat back.
Get in my belly.
Wait.
Oh, we shall have to get in your belly, mama.
Ha!
You get to eat all those pomegranates.
All bastard wants a wee tased of my mama.
I want my mom in back my mom.
I'm going back, pull my back.
Mama back in womb.
I'm sad that we don't get enough fat bastard anymore.
It was just the two tastes weren't.
I guess he's maybe like, you know, maybe not the age the best fat bastard.
Yeah, that's probably true.
At the time, nothing was funnier to me.
You know, that's so interesting.
He was, he was my least favorite part of that movie, which.
Fat bastard?
Yeah, I was like, Dr. Evil and Mini Me.
Love Minnie Me all day.
Fat Baster had some good laughs.
I didn't dislike, but I was just like,
the relationship of Dr. Evil and MiniMe was just like,
and Scott's reaction to being displaced as the sun.
That's very good.
Oh, my guess.
Now, where do you stand on Goldmember?
Well, I do often think of.
There are two things in this world that I hate people who are intolerant
of other people's cultures and the Dutch.
That's a fun line by Michael Kane.
Did you go to the Awesome Powers
pop up in Glendale, California.
I sure did.
So did I.
Wait, what?
This was like 10 years ago.
No, eight years?
Eight years ago?
It was pre-COVID.
It might have been like 2019, though.
Yeah, yeah.
It was like across the street from the Americana.
It was a bar that they did up to be a swing in time.
What was the occasion?
I talked to the guy who played mini-me there for like four hours one night.
We were just chatting.
He was starstruck to meet fat faster.
And night did end with me chasing around
I'm saying getting in my belly
January 1st, 1950 is your birthday, right?
Yeah.
It's when I climbed out of mommy's womb.
Yeah, it's a, it's, you talk to,
this was, that's the crazy thing you just said
eight years ago, it might have been 2019.
I'm like, fuck, that's like,
that the pandemic is over five years ago.
It's fucking crazy.
Oh, wait, 2019 is eight.
Almost.
Oh, seven years ago, yeah.
Wow.
I went there so often because Nick Kaurasi would often say,
let's get a drink and it would be at the Austin Powers pop-up bar.
A very normal place to grab a drink.
I remember also we at one time we're at the Americana and we were eating there and we were like,
hey, let's invite Nick.
And Nick said, sorry, I'm by myself at the Reagan Museum.
He was at the Reagan presidential library solo.
We didn't get him in Decision 92.
still around. I mean, oh, actually, I did technically get him. He was in that lineup of all the
presidents. All the presidents, yeah. It is Munch Maddus 11, the tournament champions reheated rivalry.
The rules of this year's tournament champions as decreed by the imperil commissioner
susser. I'm so worried. Just don't hurt them. I fret. Just stop eating lotion.
Rule number one, losers only choose your fighter. Mitch and Wiger each pick four past tournament
losers into the bracket. Number two, for whom the bell doesn't dough since the one mouth of the border,
all of Taco Bell is disqualified. Number three, losers only choose your biter.
Choose in all these is spelled C-H-E-W-S, as you might infer.
We still actually.
He's gone.
He's gone.
We don't have to go over all these wrong.
Mitch and Wigreach get to completely independently pick one main episode guest during the tournament, which we did in the very first episode.
So that once checked off.
Number four, you're eating heart since he previously won the Heart of the Champion Award.
Armand Whiteman is not disqualified.
He was one of the guests we picked.
Number five, tie goes the dinner.
If a match ends in a tie, the tie breaker is whichever chain the commissioner decides you could get a better actual dinner at.
For instance, this would mean IHop wins the tiebreaker over Starbucks.
Here I have to think Buffalo Wild Wings has the edge because I don't know how you would cobble together at dinner at handles.
100%.
Yeah.
So if it's tied up, B-dubs is going to be going on to the championship.
Yeah.
Number six, you've got to dance with the one who brought you.
If the restaurant qualified in a category-specific tournament, only items for that category can be considered in this tournament.
Number seven, Eaton ain't cheating.
Nuff said.
Number eight, mild card.
The commissioner gets one pick that he can introduce in any single match to turn it into a triple-dred match.
I didn't make the rules, Mitch.
I'm just reading them.
Eating ain't cheating.
Eating ain't cheating.
Enough said.
You just mean like we can't argue around cheat days or something?
Yeah, I think that if you want anything you want to eat, you can...
If you're stepping out on your partner.
Yes, yeah.
If you're watching TV over someone else's shoulder.
That's...
You're eating.
Anything worse.
Eat and ain't cheating.
Oh, man.
Is that the end?
No, there's more.
Okay, then I'm going to save my comment for when you're done.
Please.
I mean, you could have said it now, but we'll save it.
You can save it.
She's going to save it for when you're done.
Number eight, mild card.
Mr. Guts, one pick that you can introduce in any single match and turned into a triple-treat match.
Number nine, whichever host chain, rather, wins the cup, will get a bonus mystery prize from the commissioner.
Now, Mitch, these are both your chains because both of mine were defeated in the first round.
I have one remaining, which we will get to a next Tuesday's Patreon episode, the Doe Boys double.
But today, this does not factor in.
In fact, D, get over here.
There's a chance we could have a Mitch Mirror match in the finale.
So we'll see if we get there.
Mitch Mirror match.
A Mitch Mirror match.
Mirror match.
Mitch mirror match.
Mitch mirror match.
Mitch mirror match.
Would you believe that you said it right every time?
It confused me when I heard it.
Sounds great.
A Mitch mirror match for the finale.
You remember from Mortal Kombat, the mirror match, when Sub Zero would fight Sub Zero.
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Number 10.
And they were just slightly different color ways.
They were just slightly different tinged.
It wasn't like, you know, they'd have a complete even.
What was going on in that scenario, really?
I don't know.
Well, I think it was just like.
sort of a fantastical, mystical sort of thing
because they are in the, you know,
the Shingsung is doing a tournament.
There's Goro who's got four arms.
There's a lot of elements of the supernatural.
Okay, yeah, that's fair.
The God of lightning is there.
God of lightning is there, right?
And they're in outworld, Mitch.
You know, the rules of physics are not a problem.
What a fun thing to yell.
It is funny.
I'm almost done.
Nope.
Okay, okay.
Number 10, not about that hotline ring.
If Mitch's ring alarm goes off during the record, he is disqualified from voting.
Mitch has nullified this rule.
I've nullified it.
Number 11, Navi, no way.
If Weiger mentions the Avatar franchise, Mitch is disqualified of voting.
Now, here's what I'll argue.
I did not bring up the Vron tattoo.
All I did was show it.
So I don't think this was been invoked up to this point.
And I can talk about Avatar all I want.
You can.
Yeah, actually Mitch brought it up because he made a joke about the toy.
Right.
And you said you pre-ordered it.
Yeah.
So I'm not like, I didn't bring it up.
I just was, I, I,
I didn't mention the franchise.
I wasn't the new started the conversation.
And I knew that you had the toy already when I said that.
Number 12, newly instituted by the Dodiac, Susser's Kidnapper, and a parent Doe Boy superfan.
Just prima nomtis or right of the first bite.
Like the feudal right of the first night, Mitch and I must eat the other selected items before eating our own.
What this meant today was it had no effect.
It had no effect.
And also, like, we didn't know the rule before we did this deal.
How could you know?
How could we have known?
This is such a curveball of the dodiac.
This is a plot twist in your life.
The crazy thing that the Dodiak implemented into the contest doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter for this one because it's Mitch versus Mitch anyway.
But we'll keep it moving forward.
It'll matter in the other semi-soft final and it will matter in the finale.
Okay.
Jess, what was your comment?
Oh, when I was talking about, made that joke about watching TV over another person's shoulder,
I was going to say, do y'all ever be very bad and catch yourself watching someone else's screen on an airplane?
100%
And it's a movie that I have access to
Yeah, right
And I'm just like, what's going on?
And then the next thing I know
I'm watching it for too long
With no, and sometimes they don't even have subtitles on
Oh yeah, no sound
I'm just like, what's going on?
I'm sucked in.
I saw a mom watching the Mariska Hargote
documentary about her mom
Oh sure
And I end up watching the entire thing on mute
With it with subtitles
But I was just like I was in rapture
It was fascinating
Reading a movie book
Yeah, yeah
Yeah
One of my favorite moments
is if you go to the bathroom all the way at the back
to walk up and just be like, what's everybody watching?
See what I everyone is watching?
I mean, I sent you a picture of my
my C-partner watching Fox News. I sent it to you.
Right. In that chat. And then the guy in front of me
was watching Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. I took a picture
of that too. So not only am I looking. I'm taking photos.
That's a lot of picture taking of strangers, you know?
Mitch likes to do that.
Some call me the night crawler.
This is semi-soft finals Buffalo Wild Wings versus Handels.
But how did we get here?
For this, we go to our recrap with Amelia Marino.
Thanks, Wiggs.
For Munch Madness 11, the tournament of champions, reheated rivalry, Burger versus Spoon, MVW.
We kicked off the quarter-pounder final round with matchup number one.
Spoon Man's Big Mac against the Burger Boys' double cheeseburger.
The Big Mac came out victorious.
and moved on to the next round.
Then, over on the double, we have matchup number two.
Weiger's Costco pizza demolished Mitch's orange chicken from Panda Express.
In Mitch's words, fork fucked me.
Back on Maine, matchup number three.
Mitch's Buffalo Wild Wings absolutely obliterates Wygers' Popeyes.
It was frankly an embarrassing sight.
Finally, over on the double, we close out with the quarter-pounder final round with matchup number four.
Mitch's pick Handles Ice Cream versus Weigers Pick, the chain that launched a thousand shits, the Cheesecake Factory.
As you could probably imagine, based on how often we talk about this chain, Handel's absolutely annihilates the Cheesecake Factory, along with the Headgum Toilets.
Today, we entered the Semisov finals with a Mitch Mirror match, B-dubs versus Handels.
And Dodiac, if you're watching this, please bring it.
back susser safe.
Imagine there's no susser.
It's cheesy if you fry.
Wow, thank you, Amelia.
This is the semi-soft finals Buffalo Wild Wings
versus Handels.
Mitch's Buffalo Wild Wings defeated Wigers Popeyes
in a shocking upset in the Fitburg region
with Mary Sown.
I still am in disbelief.
Meanwhile, Mitch's...
I did not think it was going to win to be there.
Mitch's Handles also defeated, will you to vote for it?
Midges Handels also defeated Wigers, the Cheesecake Factory,
in the Sweet Treat region with Libby Watson.
And that was a unanimous verdict.
But you're only comparing sweet treat in that.
Only sweet treats.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
So our meal was Buffalo Wild Wings versus Handels, as I mentioned.
I guess we could just like start here.
Do you all have any leanings going in?
Because I do love wings.
Fried chicken is my favorite food.
But ice cream is my favorite dessert.
Wow.
So you had a great time.
I had a wonderful time.
That's great.
Yeah.
I feel like shit.
I feel like shit, but I had a good time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I feel physically bad.
Yeah.
But I lean savory over sweet.
You're more savory flavory than sweet tooth.
That's right.
Same.
Yeah.
I think I am except for I really love candy specifically.
It would be my sweet treat of choice.
What kind of candy we talk?
Like sour.
Well, nerds gummy clusters, the best invention of the modern age.
Sure, that's fun stuff.
Sour Patch Kids.
Like any sort of sour straw.
the great influx of legit Swedish candy.
I was going to say the fancy Swedish fish
have you gotten up on these.
That's fun.
They're really great.
And then like a Swedish candy grab bag of like
Haribo or Haribo.
Where's the emphasis?
I say Haribo.
I think Haribo.
Like a Star Mix or any of their fabulous products.
Just Nicole recently brought back to our house a Haribo sour gummy cola mix.
But all of them were like.
Twin Snake style where they were like two flavors each and none of them were normal cold.
I don't know where she found it.
Damn.
It kicked ass.
That sounds like a hoot.
You got to stay married to her.
As long as she'll have me on there.
You gotta keep watching TV over her shoulder.
Or not at all.
Yeah.
Whichever she prefers.
So, but I do specifically like handle.
I'm like, in the last year they keep like coming up in my life more and more.
And I'm like, they are so solid.
They have become, look, Popeye.
my favorite fried chicken chain among the big boys eliminated for the tournament. But I do like
Buffalo Wild Wings. Handles has become recently because it expanded to Southern California,
you know, where you and I are both from, fairly recently in recent years. And even though
it's been around since the 50s, it has become my number one like ice cream parlorily. I love
handles. I'm also Southern California and this was the first time I've ever had it.
And I was number one. But that would make sense as well. And where are you with ice cream and your
dessert hierarchy? It's up there. It's up there. It's above's big.
most baked goods.
It's above cakes.
It's above cookies.
It's above maybe not pie.
Okay.
Just how about for you?
Fresh out of the oven chocolate chip cookie
with maybe a tiny bit of salt is number one.
Delightful.
Then number two is probably ice cream.
Wow.
Mitch, remind me where you're at?
I mean, I love a combo.
I need like a chocolate lava cake
and a scoop of ice cream together.
Right.
Yeah, that's nice.
My favorite thing in the world.
I would say ice cream with like a hot apple pie.
is like pretty diabolical.
What about the Pazuki?
Oh, I love that Pizuki.
I love that. I love that.
I like a Pizuki.
Which I know that's how we pronounced it growing up, but it should be Pizuki, right?
Formanto is the Uck from cookie.
Pizza cookie.
Yeah.
But we called them Pazookies growing up.
Like a cookie.
I thought it was Pizuki because I was like, oh, it's like a big pie cookie.
No, it's pizza and a bunch of cookies.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you know about this?
I know.
Do you know about this?
Just because of our stupid podcast, yes.
Yeah.
I've now had many, many of pie.
Pizzzuki.
Pizuki.
Pizuki, yeah.
Pizuki.
A cool thing that I got to do is at the end of the year, the National Honor Society, our banquet
was always at BJ's.
Oh, how fun is that?
For that, they would put out a big tray of Pizuki.
Oh, my God.
What a blast.
Yeah, so cool for NHS.
Those, I think, get worse as they get bigger.
Because you can get personal Pizuikis.
Yeah.
I think smaller is, I think, there's a problem with the construction of it, the bigger it gets.
100%.
I agree with that.
I agree with that.
I like, I think that is my answer is the, the two world, the hot world and the cold world colliding wise.
It's like two different avatar universes or something.
Well, we haven't seen anything cold yet.
We haven't seen any cold avatar yet.
We don't know how cold the depths of the water is or how breezy when we fly on jellyfish balloons.
But like, we haven't gone to an ice world.
I think we're going to get an ice biome.
I think we're going to get some sort of snow world in the future.
It does feel like right now that the water is actually really warm
Because they like
It looks tropical
It seems very tropical
Yeah based on the attire
Yeah
We were talking about the three forms of Almighty God
As discussed in the Christian Trinity
That's right
Earlier
In a way if we're thinking about this
Three forms of water
Okay
Fire and Ash was the last one
Way of Water was the second one
The next one
What can beat both water and fire
Ghost?
Earth.
Ghost is a good answer.
I was going to say ice.
Oh.
Ice can be fire.
Yeah, ice can be fire.
Blanket could do it.
A blanket.
A blanket.
A blanket.
I'm talking about blankets.
Yeah, Avatar blanket.
No, I think it's going to be about snow or ice.
I think it's going to be the blanket universe.
You can be blankets, though.
Avatar blankets.
Yeah, they'll just finally wear some freaking clothes, some blankets.
They're too sexy.
Hey, are you telling me that you wouldn't go see Avatar Blanket as soon as it came out?
You know, I know you would.
Nothing would get me to the theater faster than something called Avatar Blanket.
Blanket.
Okay, sorry, you're talking earlier about your show dates and sorry if this part gets added out if something changed, but you're talking about going to Florida and maybe having some fun.
Is this part of it?
Are you going to ride the Mighty Akron?
I would love to ride the Mighty Akron.
What a dream that would be.
You got to make that happen.
It's so fun.
I have written that ride.
and I love it
I almost cried
It's very well done
You've not been on it likes
No I haven't
You like whales
Love whales
You're gonna like this ride
The whale is there
He waves to you as you're riding off
People are amazing
Floats up
Jacking off the whole time
You got like a splurts of water
It's a very interactive ride
The whale didn't have a sweet tooth
I'm realizing
Does he eat sweeten-mo?
He had a draw full of candy bars.
He had a candy drawer, but he was mostly eating like meatball subs and pizzas.
He was more savory.
He was more savory flavor.
He was more savory whale.
Buffalo Wild Wings, but you mean the Tolkoon and not the, the Toll Coons, not the whales.
I'm sorry, I said the whale.
I meant the Tolcun.
Navi are amazing.
That's what he says on your way out.
I have everyone's orders.
I'll just speed through them for Buffalo Wild Wings.
Salt and vinegar bone in, original Buffalo bone list.
That was Jess.
Zach, Bonin Chipotle
Barbecue Dry Rub,
original Buffalo Boneless.
Mitch, you had the Buffalo spicy sauce
chicken dippers,
and I had...
Wait, where the fuck is my order?
What flavor did you say on those?
Buffalo spicy saucy chicken dippers.
Wasn't that it?
It was garlic.
Spicy garlic sauce.
My note said Buffalo spicy.
I went into the receipt
and that's what it said on there.
So maybe they gave you the wrong ones
because they looked buffaloy.
Did they taste garlicky, though?
It was like a garlic.
I thought you said buffalo garlic.
It was.
It was a buffalo garlic.
It was spicy buffalo.
So maybe they lost the garlic and the receipt.
It's cleaner.
What's going on over here today?
I also got a...
Something's going on with a day.
I don't know what the hell's up.
I'd never had this before.
I got the...
For myself, and to share, I got the buffalo dry rub bone in.
And then also, they have...
This is a sauce.
They right now have a sweet chili crisp of flavor.
Both of mine were fine.
I mean, like, I didn't get much heat from the Buffalo.
Hey, the Buffalo dry rub is pretty good.
Buffalo dry rub is good.
It's just like it was, I would have preferred what I usually get, which is the desert heat.
Now, I was, I was going out there as trying some new flavors.
So that's a little bit of a skill issue on my part.
I thought these were both fine.
They were both well-made wings.
And we were talking like, like, we're kind of split in between couches and
in terms of flat fandom and drum fandom, yes?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm drum as well, the drum coach.
The fur-a-p-p-p-pum-hat-boys.
And the hatless flat boys.
Wow.
Prefer for a drumstick here.
I'm flat.
Hey, always be flat.
I like.
You don't be flat, you'll see sharp.
Sorry.
Music jokes, eh?
Hey.
That was fun.
Hey.
Is everyone going to enjoy that?
Is there another one beside be D?
Yeah.
Either sharp or flat or natural.
D.
D.
favorite.
There it is.
There it is.
I was being big tit guys.
Oh yeah, Mitch and Wicker.
There's two guys who love huge knockers.
I'm always talking about big breasted women.
Maybe we've grown up in the, that's the way we used to be on the podcast.
I thought you said we've grown up.
Now we're finally into big knockers.
At some point you're going to put childish things away.
Behind you.
Get into big knockers.
I'm an adult man.
Drumsticks to me are easier to eat.
I like the texture a little bit better.
I agree.
But like what we also are saying is it's sort of a, it's not a huge preference for me.
No, I won't scoff at a flat.
I don't want all flats.
I want to mix of flats and drums.
Tonight I did go all drums.
I just took a drum of each of each sort.
But not oops-all drums on purpose.
It was not oops-all drums.
It was intentional all drums.
And then there were a couple nuggets and, you know, boneless buffalo stuff going on there.
But all of that was, I don't know if it didn't travel well.
Was it cold when I got there?
I was a little late to the dinner.
You had a business phone call.
It was part of why you were trousing about Hollywood earlier.
You had a business phone call that was, you know, a fairly.
significant thing. We won't get into details.
I've been trying to buy headgum. Well,
you're trying to buy head gum and the negotiations aren't
going well. They're broken down. Yeah.
Yeah. You keep offering them gum.
I think that's part of the problem. That's the issue.
Offering what I think they're worth.
And gum.
They've got plenty of that. That's the thing, Mitch.
It's true. Yes. And I came in a little late to the dinner, but it was
still edible. I thought this was beyond
edible. I had a good time. And I will
say that I really liked one of the
Buffaloes, I think they kicked up
the spice intensity, because it was like, not like
the usual two, three flames.
It was four or five flames.
It was, it was like the spices thing I'm ever
had at Buffalo Wildway. It was very
spicy. And I'm a bit of a heat seeker, but even this,
I was like kind of thrown off like, ooh, okay.
I can try to find by telling them
exactly where I live at all times
where it is on the...
How many flames it had, yeah.
Because we got, that was, the spicy one was the
original, not mild, not medium,
I'm not spied. There's another one called original.
But it feels like they maybe put the wild sauce on there by mistake or something.
It didn't feel that spicy.
You didn't think it was that spicy to me.
I guess probably just because I wasn't expecting it.
Only because you eat more spicy things than I do.
Yeah.
And while I thought it was hot, it was not like insane to me.
No, it was not insane, but it just threw me off in terms of.
It was spicer than I thought Buffalo Wilders was going to do.
Original Buffalo is a three flame, they say.
This was no way.
There's no way it was three flames.
It couldn't have been three flames.
But it only goes up to four.
It couldn't.
It only goes to, first of all, that's a wild scale to have.
Mild, medium, hot, wild, the titular, wild wing.
An original is...
It's three.
So it's, you know...
What's hot?
Three.
Yeah, so my...
What's wild?
Four.
My postulation is that they accidentally put wild on there.
Because I even think they're most, their hottest is not that hot.
I don't think they have like a punishingly hot.
Oh, okay.
Not something you ever to send a way before.
And get to the bottom of this, yell it in?
Yeah, call Beck Bennett, the voice of the east.
Buffalo Wild Wing mascot.
Coleran is easy while you're at it.
I mean, according to, if I had to order from this Burbank location, they only, they are, okay, got it, got it.
There are only three sauces currently at the wild level.
Blazine knockout, wild, and desert heat dry up.
The desert heat I like.
That's one of my go-toes.
This felt spicier than the desert heat, which I get consistently.
I wonder if it was just the density of.
sauce that was able to hold to the nugget.
Could be.
Either way, it was a very, it was very good wing.
It was spicy.
I enjoyed it.
It's nice.
Can I say this?
Yeah.
On behalf of the, the doughboys are going to do this on behalf of the rest of the country.
Steve Rout is easy.
You are forgiven.
You're forgiven.
Come back.
Come back.
You can come back.
You know what?
You could be a guest on the podcast.
Let's get Ravis easy in here.
Can't be mad at us for having him on.
No, yeah.
Let's get him in here.
He comes in and he's still like, I was there that.
He just doesn't
We're like, all right
Double down
We said you're back, you can do it
But he's describing the food court
At the World Trade Center
He's like, dude, you don't have to
No one's asking for this
And then I'm like, oh no, I remember that
I was there too
I get into it somehow
Wait, I do remember
I get canceled
Wait
Hopefully so
he's forgiven
The doughboys have forgiven
Steve Ren is easy
I was never even upset at him
Yeah
Whatever
You're always
He's always saying that
This guy doesn't even think
The 9-11 happened in general
Yeah come on what we're talking about
Yeah
I know I know your thoughts on it
It's like a David Blaine stunt
So forced perspective
And I'm worrying again
And I'm fretting again
Well I'll tell you what
I'll tell you what didn't exist
our ranch and blue cheese dressing.
We got no sauces.
This was a catastrophe.
I said this.
I don't think you're in the room
and it was a pretty good line.
No dips, no sticks.
That's...
We didn't get any sticks.
No sticks.
Yes, I liked it a lot.
No celery, no carrot.
That's why I had to repeat.
What a fucking mess.
They forgot the blue cheese last time, too.
Something's up there.
It's wild over there.
Can I blame Amelia at all for this or no?
No.
I'd rather you know.
I'd have coordinate four deliveries today.
I know, and that's a lot of pressure.
feel like your performance wasn't great today
in general.
Oh my gosh.
You guys cannot book me
for an episode with a live performance review.
Just like, please, don't put that.
We're in performance reviews later,
but it's the other way around.
Amelia and I.
That's okay.
That I'll be here for, yeah, please.
You were like, you were earlier like,
I don't know what's going on today.
It felt like you were rattled today.
I felt like Mitch has been a performance.
It's been chaos.
It's been chaos.
It has been chaos today.
It has been.
That's what I heard.
I'm having a lovely time.
It's been chaos.
All right.
Many different ways.
Many different ways it's been chaos.
It's been chaos.
You weren't the only one to take a phone call before a record.
No, you took a phone call too?
That's right.
You're not going to believe this.
Someone texted me right before we recorded.
Can you do a phone call right now?
And I said, I can't.
I'm about to record an episode of the doughboys.
And they said, at 9 o'clock at night?
I mean, that's crazy.
It is too late.
I said, can you believe we just finished ice cream and wings?
Yes, that's, I mean, it's horrifying.
That person was Rossboro.
Let me talk about the one.
I'm back. I want to run again.
For me, the highlight, the wing highlights were the dry rubs that Jess and Zach got,
salt and vinegar bone in, and then the Chipotle Barbecue dry rub bone in, which was delightful.
I got to give it, I get it a lot now if I go to B-Dubs.
Salt and vinegar dry rub is fucking really good.
Is it just strictly better than lemon pepper, which used to be my go-to?
I like it better.
For me, yes.
Yeah, I think also for me, it was a slightly strategic order.
Morgan and I had a period at the beginning of the pandemic.
We were getting wings delivered a lot or we were like picking up wings a lot.
And I think it travels really well too.
So I think like I was like this one, some of them are better in restaurant and some of them like the dry rubs and then that just like that vinegar just like sinking in a little bit.
It's just that tang is going to hold up.
It doesn't turn.
It doesn't.
Yeah.
Here's the other thing.
The dry rubs, you don't have to worry about the messy fingers as much.
Like you get a little bit of Cheeto dust basically.
But it's like fucking.
Yeah.
It's no problem.
It's negligible.
Yeah.
But I will say that, like, the Chipotle Barbecue more than the original, the original Buffalo dry rub, I expected to like it a lot more than I did.
Yeah, I thought it was kind of boring.
It did like nothing for me.
Oh, I kind of like it.
I've grown to like it.
I'd rather have the desert heat.
But, yeah, that's right.
But I also ate it after eating the, like, the original buffalo wet nug.
And I worry if that ruined it for me.
I think that they should be called wet nugs because I think that that is more appropriate.
It felt bad to say.
I think everyone should have to go through what I just.
Wet nugs.
Well, wet nugs.
Just sounds like a dank joint.
Yeah.
Which these are not.
I think that these, they were pretty bad.
What were the things called the tenders that I got?
They were called chicken dippers, yes.
The crispy chicken dibbers, but I got the sauced chicken dippers.
How'd you like it?
I thought it was pretty bad.
I will tell you, I was like, I want to try it, and then I ate it.
And immediately got distracted by something else that we were talking about,
and I could not for the life of you tell you how it was.
We did get some...
That's honestly probably better for it.
It was absolutely forgettable.
It kind of looked more like if you get a buffalo chicken salad at a restaurant where they make you like a salad and they put sauce tenders on top.
Now, the original bone list that we ate after when I was eating when I was like, this tastes so much like something.
What is it?
And it's the grocery store, make them at home, freezer buffalo like chicken tenders.
Right.
Oh, like a Tyson any tizer?
Yes.
The boneless is just getting its ass kicked today.
Oh, no, I like them.
I like the wet nugs.
I like the wet nugs.
I didn't try your long guys.
Didn't like the long boys.
I didn't try the long boys.
By the time, I mean, I was on to ice cream by the time.
We're coming into play.
Yeah, they were, they were not.
It was, it was very forgettable.
It was forgettable.
The boneless wet nugs that we were like,
these were a little bit spicier than we expected.
I thought were great.
I like those a lot. Sorry, I make that freezer comparison in a positive life.
Yeah. Yeah. But it was like, you're really similar.
We also got in addition to the wet nugs. We got some dry nubs. We got some, uh, some curds.
Yeah.
Which were very, I like, I like their curds quite a bit. And I know it's not part of the
evaluation, but that was a good side. And they traveled well. And I, and also got some
fries. The fries were pretty good. Fries were cold. Yeah. Fries don't travel great.
Those curds traveled great. Fries were bad.
Fries were fine. I didn't mind the fries. I mean, they were fine. They would have
been better if they were hot. Yeah. Yeah. It's not a problem with the fries.
Problem with the delivery.
Yeah.
Here's what I'm going to...
She did not bring them here.
I can't be in multiple places at once.
The traffic today is atrocious, I'm saying.
I think they had to be on the road for a while.
What's going on with the traffic today?
I have no idea, but it was bad this morning.
It's bad out there now.
It's L.A. Marathon 2.
Oh, there you go.
The closest Buffalo Wild Wings is in Korea town, so it's a little bit...
A little bit of a hall from Silver Lake.
Getting from Ketka, Silver Lake.
In rush hour.
Yeah, at 6.30 p.m.
Is the Hollywood one closed?
The Hollywood one Blubbard one?
It might be.
If only we could have had this episode recorded live at the Austin Powers pop-up bar.
Then we could have gone to the B-dubs in Glendale.
How phone would that be?
In Glendale.
Yeah.
That's my B-Dub.
There was like a fuzzy kitty drink is like what it was.
Do you remember this?
And it was actually not bad.
It was delicious.
I had a great time at the Austin Bowers Pop-up Bar in Glendale pre-COVID 2019.
And I think it only did close because of COVID.
I'm pretty sure.
It might have started it.
It would have run forever.
Yeah.
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Wise, I've had my helix now for almost, geez, probably seven years.
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Let's talk about handles.
So we all got the scoop sampler, which is in the same value.
That's not true.
I'm sorry.
Three of us got the scoop sampler and Mitch got a hurricane.
I just want you to speak truthfully.
he's um he likes
he's right he's right all of us didn't
we didn't all get it
I know we didn't all get it fine
what's the matter sandman visit you
TikTok
you're ready for sleep
I'm ready to honk shoe on this couch
oh sure someone bring me a blanket
I'll fucking get my
that's the next avatar movie
it's mostly about how they sleep
it's Michael Jackson's kid
that's good casting
fuck yeah damn
that'd be cool
he's the new spider
if Blank it was in the movie?
Yeah.
Well, you don't want you to honk shoe on air.
I'm sorry.
I'm doing fine.
I just...
I didn't get the sampler.
I know.
I thought it was interesting that I didn't get it.
I thought it was interesting that I didn't get the sampler.
I thought it was interesting.
You got a hurricane.
We got the chocolate chip cookie dough with brownie pieces and hot fudge.
I also got a hurricane.
My hurricane was the banana split.
Let me say this about my hurricane, which is their version of a blizzard.
Better than a blizzard.
But my banana split one because it used strawberry ice cream as a base and because
it added a lot of cherry in there, did not really evoke banana split much at all.
I thought it was delicious, but again, it was like a little bit of a subversion of expectations.
Mitch, how did you like yours?
Do you remember a lot of wind and a bunch of rain makes a hurrah, hurrah, hurrah, hurricane?
Does anyone remember that?
I don't know this song.
Just from you seeing it just now.
I think it might be, is it Sesame Street?
It was from something like that.
I thought you guys would.
A lot of wind and a bunch of rain makes a her.
I don't think Sesame Street did a lot of natural disasters.
based stuff, but I could be wrong.
I don't think the producer's desk is recognizing
this jingle. They are way too young
to know what the fuck I'm talking about. To know what Sesame
Street is? No, I'm saying that I think this is like
an old school Sesame Street. Some of these songs might be
a lot of wind and a bunch
of rain. Sounds like a
Dylan. I'm just thinking of the hurricane.
A lot of wind, a bunch of
rain.
I loved that song and then I remember like being excited
to see the movie. The movie's just okay. The Denzel
Washington movie. The movie The Hurricane?
Wait, is that what you were referencing?
No, I was referencing the song.
The horror, the, no, no.
But Bob Dylan does have a hurricane song. He does have a hurricane song. I was joking.
But it's about the guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy who Denzel was
played in the movie. I shouldn't have fucking brought it up. We're going to delete it from the
episode. I just thought someone would know the song from Sesame Street, for God's sakes.
I'm not finding it. I don't know any of this.
Yeah, I've never heard this before. You're not finding it on the internet?
No. Bob Dylan has that other one where he goes, here I am.
Rock me like a hurricane.
Wasn't the hurricane guilty?
Wasn't that the thing?
Like it was just like,
he probably actually did it.
He maybe did it.
The hurricane maybe did it.
I don't know,
but he was found him not guilty.
I'll go,
to answer your question,
yeah.
I really like handles.
I like the hurricane.
Handel,
just ice cream gets me,
makes me feel sick.
Ah.
Yeah, it makes me feel sick too,
but I love it.
can't stop. I mean like anytime I eat handles I'm gonna feel sick. Yeah. And I love it. It tastes
great. It tastes really good. It tastes really good. I felt my stomach like physically shaking within 10
minutes of having anything. Oh dear. Three of us got the scoop sampler. I got a coffee chip. I also got
myself the Graham Central Station, which is obviously one of their specialty flavors. I got myself a
mint chip. And then I also got a birthday because birthday is a flavor and I like birthday flavor. And I like
birthday flavor quite a bit.
Jess, you got the scoop sampler with banana cream pie,
salty caramel truffle, orange cream dream dream.
Orange dream cream cream, sorry, I didn't realize that was the ordering.
No, it's cream dream.
It's dream, it's dream. It's dream, it's dream cream, and then cream cream dream and my notes.
I think it's cream cream.
I think it's cream.
I think it's cream dream.
Do you want to just get a quick, at least one honks shoe in quickly?
Honks shoe, honkshoe.
Oh, he creamed in his dream.
It's dream cream.
It's dream cream.
It's dream cream.
It's dream cream?
That's wild.
That's not right.
That's not right.
Isn't it orange dream like it's like a sherbert e vibe mix with vanilla cream?
It's an orange cream sickle play.
Yeah, I thought it was an orange cream sickle play so you would pay off orange cream.
And then it's the dreamiest version.
What you wouldn't want to do is have the words dream cream in that order.
But honestly, cream dream is the same thing.
It is.
Yeah, it's very cummy.
That's true.
Dream cream is more cummy to me than cream.
Dream.
Hey, listeners, vote here.
Which do you think is comier?
Cream Dream or Dream Cream Cream Cream?
Orange Dream Cream, Cream, Cream.
I think Dream Cream is comier.
Or Chata is the fourth flavor you got.
You're gonna let the viewers decide it, okay?
Or the listeners?
Zach, you got...
Hashtag...
What's come?
I don't know.
You want a honk shoe, bud?
I need to honk chew.
Also, I found the Sesame Street song almost immediately.
Is it Sesame Street?
It is Sesame Street.
I was just Googling the lyrics you said and nothing is coming out.
I looked it up to...
I found that same video and then I listened to it just now.
I couldn't find a song.
But it was Sesame Street.
It looks like it was a part of Sesame Street.
Doing a hurricane song.
Is Hurricane Carter in the video?
No, no.
Ruben Carter is not in the video.
The Zach, you get the scoop sampler with orange dream cream,
chocolate raspberry truffle, blueberry cheesecake, and mint chocolate chip.
Let me just say this.
The four scoop sampler is an unbelievable value.
What is it?
It's under nine bucks.
It's under nine bucks and you're getting four full scoops of ice cream.
It's not like you're getting a little quarter soups.
It's probably like 2,000 calories is my guess.
It is.
But also like you think they're regular.
If you get like their medium, it's so fucking huge.
Let me tell you this.
If you were on a, if you were on a date and you ordered this and you both pick two flavors
and you both have more ice cream than you could possibly want for less than $4 a person or I guess less than $450 a person.
Yeah.
What a great date.
Great date.
Great deal.
Hot date tip.
Hot date, cold food.
That date may be, that date may last a little longer after that.
Do a, I have xylemouts back at my house.
Is this what you're saying to women?
When I come over, I have zylamelts back in their house.
I feel like ice cream date I'm going to have diarrhea.
But like if that's a first date or a second date or something like that where we're
like, hey, we're not going to be fucking.
Have a diarrhea on the second or third date.
You're good to go.
Yeah, you know what I mean?
It's like, it's like, first date embarrassing.
Second third day?
No, no, no.
I'm saying the opposite.
I'm saying the first date is fine because I know we're probably not going to hook up.
Oh,
oh,
so I don't need to worry about like.
You'll be moving to a third location with a bathroom.
Yes,
right.
Location with a shared bathroom.
Right.
So you want diarrhea on that first day.
If you're going to pick one.
Yeah.
Versus the one where it's like,
well,
I know I'm going to take this person home and we're going to be getting intimate,
but I got to fucking sandblast my toilet in my studio apartment.
I did have diarrhea on a first day.
I told you this before.
Is that okay?
I mean,
I'll just be honest.
Yeah.
I went to Marvin and I took a date to Marvin and I had.
and I had
What's Marvin?
It was a restaurant
Like it's a, it's on,
it's,
it's on the west side.
What kind of,
what kind of,
not the west side,
but like,
is it Melrose?
What kind of food?
It's French food.
Okay.
Rich.
So rich,
but, but,
I mean,
I mean,
it was,
it was not even,
I didn't even have a bite to eat.
And, uh,
I was like,
I had to run to the bathroom.
And it was also one of those things
where there was two bathrooms
and it was like,
you have to like,
it's just like such a bad situation.
I was like running to the bathroom.
over and over again. I was like coming back like sweaty and being like, oh man,
I'm not feeling good. Like I just had to be like, I'm not feeling good. I had to like just
admit it. This was a, this was a multiple bathroom trip sort of situation. You're in major
intestinal stretch. Oh, that's rough. Oh, that's really tough. But hey, you're married. Worked
out. Yeah. It went way. It went great. So we did, we did date for a short period of time.
That's great. Look, because we're all human. Yeah. Everyone's got bodies. Yeah.
They get it.
Most.
Yeah.
There are, yes, you can have a relationship with someone who doesn't have a body.
You can't have a relationship with a lot of body.
It's totally fine.
Hey, listen, you can.
Good point.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, it's possible.
Oh, man, I'm sorry.
That's rough, budd.
It was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it's a, that's a worst case.
And also, it didn't get in the way of you doing this person.
It's true.
Yeah, it was, it was, it was, it was, I mean, it wasn't good.
It was, but it, but it was, uh, the thing that honestly bothered me the most was that it was like, those bathrooms that are like, there's two bathroom stalls and the doors are right there, right?
Right, right by the kitchen.
Just an awful, that setup I do not like.
Did you know?
And maybe everyone knows this except me, but like, we are basically the only country that when they make bathroom stalls don't bring the walls down all the way to the floor.
I have heard this. And it's like a luxury when you go into a bathroom. It's like, oh, I'm in a nice hotel when like the stalls go all the way to the floor. And most countries, it's just like that's sort of a privacy is a suit. Now, I understand that if you're like a cleaning crew, you want to just be able to like throw water on the floor and do it all over. But like bring them then almost all the way down to the floor. What are we doing? We have the eye cracks with the little peep lines. We're just a bunch of purr. We're just a bunch of per. We're just American pearls. Sometimes you accidentally make eye contact with some.
Just like, I wasn't trying to do that.
And sometimes you don't break it.
I offered to pull our table into the bathroom on that date, and she was not in, she
wasn't down for that, which I get, you know what I mean?
I just think it's really incredible that you did that and then ended up dating for a while.
I mean, I felt the same exact way.
I felt like, this is embarrassing and I will never talk to this person ever again.
Were they like, are you okay?
Were they like, was there like some degree of empathy or understanding that you were
perceiving?
Yeah, they were like nervous.
nervous for me.
Okay, yeah.
Nervous for you.
That's so sweet.
Yeah, it's caring.
And then at the end, she's like, I'm into it.
That's she whispered that to me and then left.
I've been holding in a shit this whole time.
Tell me one thing.
Are you wearing a diaper?
I was on a date with shit.
We got to bleep that.
Why?
He's canceled by the world, isn't he?
Allegedly.
This is an allegation.
I like that fact.
It's one of the good things.
We can't call it a fact, Mitch.
All right, fine.
We'll bleep the name.
We'll bleep the name.
I mean, it's not like you're talking about
AI girlfriend.
Which people know, it's just a real thing.
Spread the word.
So, okay.
I was not talking about
I know it gave you the wrong.
And it's not like, and both those guys
are five compared to B.S.
We sent an email to
yelling at him.
Oh, Christ.
It turns out
It's a huge piece of shit
Jacks off into a silk scarf before every
taping a f***
Oh my God
Okay, so
I can't write fast enough
You know what
You just give a timestamp
You just kind of bleep every name
I got it
I loved my handles
I thought it was great
It's my favorite ice cream parlor
I thought the coffee chip was delicious
Like that was like a standout
You shoving that silk slice
scarf down your sleeve like a magician
after he's done.
Nick Wyatt got hired as the scarf PA.
It wasn't a job...
Hollywood is on track.
It wasn't a job they were advertising.
He came and asked for it.
He said, what are you doing with all those scarves?
The guy's like, crazy enough, we actually do need someone to take care of this?
Sure, I guess.
It's kind of a thankless job.
Figure out your niche and make it work for you.
That's right.
Follow your dreams.
The Benet cream pie, which you got I've had before,
and the Orange Dream Cream is one of my favorite.
And then, Zach, I'd had your flavors as well.
The mint chip, what did you think of that?
Because that's a very good excuse me.
I was going to say, it's getting a little silly in here late at night.
I think the silliness is starting to creep in a little bit.
And this is the other thing is like we're going like a little bit longer because we're like getting a little punchy.
And whoever wants to go home as well, our crew most long.
They want to stay?
Yeah, I want a hunk shoe right here.
Yeah, let's hong chew here.
All right, great.
There's a dog on the couch.
I'm happy.
Jimmy is very, she.
Jimmy's a sweetie.
Man, she was so riled up today.
She was so excited to be here
She saw Amelia came by my house to pick something up earlier
And she like booked it out the house
Straight into the yard and was so excited
She knew Amelia was there before Amelia was actually there
It was great
She doesn't like the Dodiac
She does not like the Dodiac
I'm right there with her
Yeah
The Dodiak is no good
He's bad news
BDE
Yeah
Bad dog energy
I thought it was
Mint Chip is one of my like
Go-to favorite ice cream flavors
So I was having never had handles before
I was like
Let's get it.
And it's extremely solid.
Yeah, good, good mint chip.
What did you think of the more exotic flavors, if you will?
Mm.
I'm not generally a chocolate person, but the, like, raspberry chocolate truffle, I thought was great.
That was a lot of fun.
I like a dark chocolate more than a milk chocolate.
Sure.
Fair.
I think same.
The vast majority of chocolates that I encounter are milk chocolates, which is, like, fine, but it's a little bit like sugar and often nothing.
But I thought that was very good.
the blueberry cheesecake one
I thought it was fine
kind of hard to mess up
like putting chunks of cheesecake and ice cream
and the blueberryness of it all was good
and the orange
Dream cream
Dream cream was great
I love it
I also tasted a cut like
I don't want to step on Jess's
but
no no
I had some ones that I think were
above many of mine
yeah for me
Jess you got a murder's row of flavors
like a banana cream pie I've mentioned
I've gotten
before, that horchata was delightful.
Yeah, the horchata was really nice.
The banana cream pie and the horchata, I thought, were my top two maybe with the orange.
Yeah, the horchata, like, melted really well.
Like, there was something about, like, how I like the ones with chunks in them, too,
but it was just like a nice, simple ice cream.
It was really nice.
It feels like a classic flavor that is actually not a classic flavor.
Yeah.
Right.
You know what I mean?
The texture of their ice cream, which is made in-house,
store every daily, it's is really like smooth and it's highlighted with that flavor. And then you
mentioned that the cinnamon in it is just like really, it's like, it's always great to have a
cinnamon-y ice cream. Yeah. I was, I was saying that I really missed this great Ben and Jerry's
oatmeal cookie crunch flavor. Yeah. A pint that I used to get in college and it, it was cinnamon
ice cream with oatmeal cookie chunks. And I'm like, yeah, cinnamon is a delicious base. It's like just a little
bit of a twist on a vanilla.
Wonderful flavor.
We were just up near your, up near your college.
Wags and I were near Northwestern.
We were in Chicago.
We did four shows of the Den in Chicago.
And we ate what was the Den.
We love the Den was great.
Ten was great.
What a house.
Yeah.
We ate what was the germ.
Oberweiss ice cream.
Oh, cool.
Did you know it?
No.
Sherman Ice cream, I think that the Magick people took over, but then we were told that
that wasn't true.
It was good.
It was good milk and ice cream.
Whatever.
Here's what I got to say.
is, is, I didn't have to bring that up.
What are we supposed to do?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I didn't know that it was going to be such a part of our dumb food podcast that every single owner is evil.
I mean, we knew that from the start.
Yeah, we knew that.
I, uh, but it's in Papa John.
But it's inconsistent because like the Coca-Cola Corporation is like a major like donor to a bunch of, you know, like fucking right-wing ghouls.
Yeah.
But if you bring up a Coke at a show, no one's going to boo you.
But probably also the left, right?
Yeah.
Like these corporations are generally
literally everyone that will take them right.
Yeah.
You bring up Coke at a show
you hold it up.
People probably cheer.
You bring up Coke at a show
you better share those lines.
Hey.
Hey, there you go.
You got to come on the road
with doughboys at some point
and see how utterly boring it is
the entire time.
Here's my question.
Is handles too sweet?
Is handles too sweet to handle?
I would not go that far.
I think it's delicious ice cream.
There's sweeter ice creams.
There are.
I don't think it's too sweet.
Ben and Jerry now out at Ben and Jerry.
They're no longer there anymore.
As of when?
I think for...
I didn't know both of them left.
Oh, only one's gone.
Okay, never mind.
I was wrong.
Yeah.
It's okay.
Nick got one when he said that everyone got the sampler.
And then you got one.
Okay, that's fair.
Only Jessica and I have said pure truth since the moment with the microphone.
Pure truth, pure hearts.
Thor's hammer!
Little near?
I think it still is really flavor dependent.
And they have like so many flavors.
So many flavors.
A lot of sugar bombs, though.
There are some flavors.
It's a fucking ice cream parlor.
I know, I know, I know.
I'm just, I'm, I am, I'm really thinking about what I'm going to vote for here.
If you go, like, here's, I think if you go to a, if you go get like a thing of, I don't want to say Ben and Jerry's, but I think if you go get a thing of like dryers ice cream.
Like if you get like, you get one of those major brands.
from the grocery store.
I think that's going to be
a more punishingly sweet ice cream
versus something like this.
I agree, that's the sooner than we had.
But I will also say that I think my favorite flavor
which was the ones that we had today
were the like the horchata.
Yes.
The orange dream cream or cream dream,
I forget, and I'll never know.
Dream cream.
And maybe the banana one are among the least sweet ones
are the ones we had.
No, I agree.
That's the way to go.
Orange Dream cream is, I think, they're top.
I think it's their best ice cream.
It's a great flavor.
I mean, boy, they got a lot of good ones.
I really like their, the vanilla with, with Oreo.
I think that's just a great version of cookies and cream.
And I think they also have a really good, you know, the one of the ones that I got today,
Graham Central Station is delightful.
That's a showstop, right?
That's a great flavor.
I thought it was good, yeah.
And the blue, it's called Blue Monster, I believe.
That's the one with it's got a, it's got Oreo and cookie, it's got Oreo chunks and chocolate chip cookie chunks.
And that's, that one's delightful as well.
Here's what I'm going to say.
I liked all my handles flavors.
I agree with Zach that, that, yes, the ones that are a little bit less sugar forward are going to be like better for like, I like the coffee because of how rich it was, the coffee chip as opposed to the birthday, even though I like birthday flavor because the birthday one was quite sweet.
Yeah.
A little too much and a little too intense.
But all the flavors they had were great.
I think it's a very good execution of the classics, like the mint chip, the vanilla I got last week.
And I don't know.
I just think it's a standout ice cream parlor.
BDubs had a good showing as well.
So I don't know which way this is going to go.
What was the wet wing that we got that had the bone in?
The sweet-tied chili.
Yeah.
Or the chili.
I don't know.
It was a chili crisp.
I thought that one was fine.
I thought it was just okay.
I thought it was just fine.
Yeah.
I don't know.
It mostly tasted sweet to me.
Yes.
Yeah, it was more sweet than heat.
I don't know which way it's, I don't know which way I'm going to go.
Mitch, we're about to find out.
And remember, the tie breaker is which chain you can more easily get dinner at.
So tie, I think, goes to the dinner.
But wasn't that Susser who was going to decide that?
Now he's gone.
We can figure it out.
I don't think handles would win that.
Yeah, I don't think handles would win the dinner off.
Do you think the he's gone?
Then vote for, vote for handles if you want it to win.
mad at me. I know you want to go home.
We all kind of honk you.
We all have to honk you. I know.
Okay. And Weiger has the longest drive.
I do have the longest drive. And then I got to go, I want to go to bed.
And then I also have to do doughboys work when I get home. I have to prep for tomorrow.
I'm actually going to take a scenic route home tonight. I'll probably be on the road as long as you are.
Can I ask you? Can I ask you?
Fuck you.
You're being a little piece of shit.
What are you living in Ohio now?
Where's the scenic route?
You're going to go to the CNA.
I want to take a drive on the PCH tonight.
I might take the long way home today.
Do you ever take the long way home?
I love the long way home.
Do you really?
Yeah.
I love driving around.
You love driving around.
I do.
I like to drive around.
Especially now.
I mean, it's 11 p.m.
I don't like to drive around.
Is that true?
It is 11 p.m.
sorry.
It's too fucking late.
It's honestly too late.
It's too late.
It's too late to do this shit.
We got to end the show.
We can end the episode.
It's too late to do the entire.
It's too late to do the episode.
But I care about the integrity.
It's too late.
I care about the integrity of the show.
It kills me.
It is way too late to be on this show.
It kills me the integrity I have for the show, Wags.
Now it's time to say good bite.
Good bite.
Food bite.
Food fight.
Food fight.
Food fight.
Food fight.
Anyway, so, okay, this is,
ever since much mad as one burger brawl,
we're going to decide a winner right now.
Jess has been,
has established what is
governing the tournament,
the McKenna Doctrine.
The winning dish is the platonic ideal
of this food stuff
suited to be given to some outside figure
in the original incarnation.
It was which burger do we give
to the aliens to represent
the earth idea of a burger?
To teach them.
Yes.
I'm going to drive around
looking for my friend Evan Susser
tonight before I go home.
We know where he is.
He's in that.
guy's hole.
We just don't know where that hole is.
We just don't know where the hole is.
You can't drive around looking for him.
He's in a hole eating lotion.
I'm driving around looking for a hole tonight.
I'm going to find a hole.
You're not going to geolocate by sight a
hole in a basement by driving
around. That's not going to help you one bit.
That's how much I care about my friend suss.
I'm going to find the hole.
He just want to go to Del Taco.
You're going to go to the drive-through.
That's where you're going.
If I, it's, he could
he might be there.
I would not be surprised as he'd talk a susser to
Taco. But these are not normal times, Mitch. He's in a hole with the Dodiac. We got to get
Jammy home before midnight. We need to do a decision. Okay. She's got a grandmother thing. Do you think the
dodiac has a dog? The dodiac definitely has a dog. Not a chance. Are you kidding? No, it's like
only outside and it's like the dog from Stanlot. You're scared, but it's good. Hercules.
So in the original it went to an alien. It's also going to something of an alien in this
version. The winner goes to Miles Quorich to give to his son's spider.
to persuade him to join the villainous Ash Navi of the Monquon.
It's gotten so bad after 10 years.
I think this one's pretty good.
Okay.
Oh, no mind.
Do we all know where we're voting?
We all have a decision?
I have a question that I need to clarify it because I'm not as familiar with Handels.
Are these two food places of comparable levels of, like, fanciness?
Or is Handles significantly fancied?
No, I would say, yes, I would say they're comparable levels.
They're comparable.
I would say that Handles is kind of, like, presented as a, you know,
very accessible
all classes are welcome.
It's not like an upscale parlor
like Salt and Straw or Van Lue.
You could wear the same outfit to both.
You could wear the same outfit to both.
Well, naturally.
Okay, any other questions?
No.
This is close for me.
Yeah, it's tough.
This is a tough one,
but we're going to have to reach a decision.
Have we ever recorded this late before?
I guess that's question.
We absolutely have.
Maybe on those tall chairs.
We had some 1 a.m. nights at Palmerston.
Yeah.
At your play?
I like it, baby.
I like it.
Can we beat it?
I want to go home.
But I'm having fun.
I'm just tired.
Yeah, we get it.
Yeah, let's get you home, buddy.
All right, here we go.
We'll count down from three to one and say our answering you.
Did you drive?
Yeah.
I was going to offer to drive you home.
That's very nice.
There you go.
Oh, that's really sweet.
That's really sweet, Mitch.
Yeah, well, I'm sweet like that sometimes.
You'd have lorded it had that over me for years.
I drove you home once.
I drive you to the subway a lot of times.
You do do that.
That's really nice.
You drop me up for the train station.
Mm-hmm.
And I hop on the choochoo and I head home.
That's my scenic route.
That's a train dream.
That's a train dream.
Yeah.
That's a train cream.
Orange dream cream.
Uh-oh.
Oh, no.
Get us out of here.
Orange cream train.
And every time I drop you off, you know how like in Goodwill Hunting when he goes to the house
and he hopes that Matt Damon isn't there to pick him up.
Yeah.
You know, every time I drop you off at the train station, I'm hoping that one of those days you'll jump in front of that.
Jesus Christ.
Like my great-great-grandfather.
His great-great-grandfather did jump in front.
So it's a family thing.
It's a family thing.
I'm trying to keep the traditional line.
Yeah, that's beautiful in a way.
Keep it going.
We got to get you home.
You're retired.
You're a tired guy.
We got to declare a winner, though.
Mitch, one of these chains is going to advance to the championship and the other will be relegated.
insane.
To the humiliation of the losers bracket in Fat Chance Kitchen.
Oh my God.
One of these has a chance at the Dave Thomas Cup.
The other one is out of the tournament.
So the stakes are high.
We'll count down from three to one and say in unison, which change.
Do you say stakes or snakes?
I said snakes.
You said snakes?
No, I said stakes.
Oh, okay.
All right.
I don't know.
That wouldn't make sense.
But it would be scary.
Snakes doesn't even have like a food con.
Like, steaks could be food.
Oh, the snakes are high.
I'm scared of a high snake
Me too
That's what I'm scared
That's what that's why I was scared
Snakes are scary enough on the ground
Yeah
Let alone a snake who's had some
Wet nugs
Are you picturing
Probably sees me
And thinks I'm just like a delicious
Big Rat
Yeah
Are you picturing like an erect
Like snake?
I'm picturing
Pletsoclothal
Okay
You're picturing like a giant snake
Like a winged snake
Okay got
That's horrifying
Yeah
Because you think in the air
you'll be safe.
No.
No.
There's a fucking snake up there.
Yeah.
Wow.
I was just thinking
of a snake who was so stoned.
Yeah, buddy.
Hi, buddy.
We'll count down from three to one
and say our answer in unison,
handles or buffalo wild wings.
It would be funny
like a snake, like eating a whole burger.
I've never seen a snake eat like a burger.
Me neither.
I don't think they eat burgers.
I think they eat burgers.
I think they eat burgers.
If you give a snake a burger.
Can I ask one more clarifying question?
Yeah, please.
Do you bring in your knowledge
of the restaurant outside of this meal, or was it this meal specifically?
I judge it based on this meal for the tournament.
Copy.
But if you want to, if you want, like, we all have a own criteria.
I'll play by house rules.
Mitch, you ready?
I guess so.
Okay.
You got to say something.
Yeah.
We'll count down from three to one.
And then we'll stay in unison our winner.
Okay.
Three, two, one.
Be dubs.
Wait, what did you say?
B-dubs.
Wow.
It's three to one.
Handles advances.
B-dubs is eliminated.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
There you go.
And I'll say that's exactly what made my vote is that my only wow bite of the night was handles.
Handles is like I really enjoyed the handles more than the Buffalo Wow.
Like the B-dubs was a totally solid.
Ours was a little bit warmer.
Like I picked the bites that I wanted.
It was totally solid and I was happy.
But the only bite that made me be like, wow was handles.
I have a, as I said, I am more of a savory than a sweet.
guy. And the fact that it was like sort of up in the air for me, it was telling me that on this
particular night, Handles was had the edge. I mean, I think that's what it was for me is that I just
am more savory than sweet. I am too, which is why it was in any given night, if you're like,
which of these places do you want to go to, it's, it's be nuts. Yeah, of course, of course,
especially a Dine-in experience where it's all going to be hot and in so fresh, but also you had
a her-her, her, hurricane. Yes. And I think the joy of Handels is the variety of flavor.
I agree with that. Honestly, I think that it was an, and, and, obviously,
Honestly, no dips, no sticks did not help in the dubs.
There's a lot of, but I was thinking in my mind,
if I went there tonight for dinner,
I would have liked the B-dubs better.
Almost certainly me too.
It's a little bit of a traveling issue, but.
Right, but that's not.
Yeah, that's the exercise, yeah.
Yeah.
I think the better chain for what it is,
which is a lot of what the doughboys is all about,
one.
Yeah, it did.
I concur.
I think Handels is the top parlor out there.
and it's moving on to the championship, the first entry.
A dessert in the championship round.
A dessert in the championship, it will face off against either Big Mac or Costco Pizza from the other semi-soft final.
Oh my gosh, you guys.
Titans collared.
Oh my gosh.
And the Teen Angel is going to be there maybe?
Sorry, bleak that out.
There's a chance that Jimmy Angel will be there.
Wow, huge.
That's crazy.
Here's what happened today.
Just to, just we got to, we got to summarize all this.
the Dodiac kidnapped Susser.
What that means is that next Thursday would normally be the finale of the tournament of champions,
but it is delayed indefinitely while we track down Susser.
However, we will have the other semi-soft final on Tuesday in the Patreon.
This is the worst much madness.
What are you talking about?
This one's good.
We're doing a good job.
It would have been better, Mitch, if it wasn't interrupted by the Dodeat.
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
Sorry if I'm a little flustered.
It's a plot twist.
A plot in our life, twist.
And we're worried about it.
it.
It's a worse shit.
We're sending it to the...
Do we even have a place where we send the bad ones?
Did we say...
We haven't figured that out.
We can figure that out.
We haven't figured that out?
They go to the blanket.
They go to the blanket.
They go to the blanket.
They get smothered by a blanket.
That's great.
The tournament continues all much long on the Doe Boys double.
Our weekly bonus episode...
The Dodiac game.
We're not having a finale.
What the fuck is happening?
We're having a finale.
It's been postponed.
Because of the dodiak.
We'll have a finale.
Our producers Emma Erd Brinker,
our associate producers, Emilio Marino.
A video writer is Mike Dorfman.
Do Bois merch at kinshipgoods.com
slash Doe Boys.
And Emma, we get some upcoming live shows,
including the aforementioned Florida.
Yeah, we're going, we're, yeah,
we'll be in Florida April 1st, April 2nd.
All of the dates are listed on our social media.
As you can find them.
We're at at birdfuck.com slash live.
Check that out.
The tournament continues all munch long
of the Do Boys' Double Our weekly bonus episodes.
Subscribe subscribe at patreon.
slash doughboys.
Unfortunately, the tournament finale,
which would normally be the next main feed episode,
has been indefinitely delayed,
due the Dotyak kidnapping commissioner,
Susser.
We will announce the live tournament finale
coming sometime in April,
so look forward to that.
Jess McKenna, Zacharino.
Thank you so much for joining us.
Oh, my gosh.
Absolute pleasure on a lot of,
Tuesday night.
Such a joy to have you both in the show.
What a time.
Yeah.
We have to do this again tomorrow.
Okay.
It's going to be fine.
We don't, though.
You don't.
You guys do not have to do it.
You're wrapped.
brave and strong man.
Honestly, you never have to do it again if you don't want.
Ask us anytime.
We'll ask you to do it again.
Yeah, no, you know I love it.
Please plug away.
Oh, Offbook is touring.
We have some dates in Texas.
So we have two shows in Austin with the Moon Tower Comedy Festival, but those are sold out,
but we'll be in Houston on the 11th.
And Dallas on the 12th.
There's still tickets there available at offbooklive.com.
Right, and you can see all of our dates, more to be announced.
soon and I don't know
stay involved I guess
go see a real show for crying out loud
with your community yeah and us too
and us let us be in part of your community
off book live such an amazing experience
people should check it out if they have not if it's coming to your time
and if you're new to our pod there's a much beloved episode
with the two of you that is basically a fucked up version of the Lion King
I think about all
was that a live show we did that was a lot of fun
In Vancouver.
You hated,
speaking of clinking and clacking,
you hated that there was a lot of drunk
Canadians in that theater.
Do you remember this?
For y'all's show.
For our show.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Which you all, you guessed it on.
Which was A&W.
It was delicious.
It was really good.
Oh my God.
I love A&W so much.
Canadian A&W.
Canadian A&W.
Yeah, and we'll clarify.
Delicious.
Handel's moving on, rightfully so.
Wig's, what a tournament.
Sussar's kidnapped.
It's, it's, it's,
We'll sort it all out.
And we'll see you next time.
That's...
The bell tolls midnight, wags.
It's not that late.
You got 45 till the bell tolls midnight?
Well, I'll get home around midnight.
Just for the sake of the show.
The bell tolls midnight, spoon, man.
Spoon noir, tuck us in.
Cover me in a blanket, honkshoe.
It was a dark and stormy midnight.
Until next time, for the dark spoon, Mike Mitchell.
I'm Tiger Weiger.
eating. See ya. Hey, everyone. This is Natalie. And this is Charlie. We're from the podcast Exploration
Live. It's really funny. It's really good. It's really, really very good. And now we have a YouTube
channel to go with it. That's exactly right, Natalie. You can watch full video episodes of our
podcast Exploration Live at YouTube.com slash Exploration Live podcast. That means that in addition to the audio
component, you're also getting a video component. Exactly. Where you're seeing our React,
What kind of clothes we're wearing?
You know, and there's a whole suite of dynamics and physical expressions that you can really only get from a full video.
Body language experts to the front.
Exactly.
So come check out, Expression Live, either audio or video.
That was a HitGum podcast.
