Doughboys - Outback Steakhouse with Jon Gabrus

Episode Date: June 4, 2015

The boys are joined by Guy Code's Jon Gabrus to review the Aussie inspired steak chain.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In the late 1980s, nothing was bigger in America than Australia. The success of the films Crocodile Dundee and Young Einstein, along with musical acts like Inexcess and Midnight Oil, put the formal penal colony at the forefront of the American consciousness. In 1988, a group of Florida-based restaurateurs saw an opportunity to capitalize on this trend, settling on an Australian theme for their new steakhouse concept. On the back of its aggressively-seasoned meats, Aussie-accented marketing and signature app The Blumen Onion, this down-understakery now boasts nearly 1,000 locations across five

continents, including Australia. This week on Doughboys, we're talking out backsteakhouse. Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger, alongside my co-host, Mike Mitchell. Mitch, how are you? I'm doing great, Nick. Ah, I love it. I love it.

I'm going to talk like this the entire podcast. Oh, I think you shouldn't. I think that's a bad idea. I think the listeners will love it. I... Cranky. I got to say, that was quite the rundown there of Outback Steakhouse. I'm just interested to see how quickly your well of Australian slang runs dry.

How much do you have besides Cranky? Cranky mate, Wallaby, that's pretty much it. It's over with. I got to say, I loved how in the intro you saved the tidbit of there's actually an Outback Steakhouse in Australia as a nice little surprise. I figured that's where they should be, some of them, right? It is. We'll get into its origins, but it's like an Australian theme, but it so has nothing

to do with Australia. So the fact that it's eventually expanded now into Australia, I don't know. It's weird. There's some probably comment on colonialism that I'm not smart enough to figure out, but it's... The cultural appropriation or something is what's going on. I don't know. I think you're giving too much credit to help.

Let's introduce our guest. You know him from Guy Code, Comedy Bang Bang, Work All Ex, many places. One of the funniest dudes around. John Gabriel. Thank you so much for being here, John. Oh, please. Thank you so much for having me. When you put it out there that you were doing a podcast about chain restaurants, I knew

if you ever do an episode on Outback, please let me be part of it. I'm so excited to be part of it, guys. And you mentioned it, but, Gabriel, you're the first guest we've had who specifically requested a chain. So what is it about Outback Steakhouse that that was immediately what you leapt to? Okay, so I think there's a couple of things. I grew up in a town called Belmore on Long Island, and in Merrick, the town over, the more expensive town, there was an Outback Steakhouse, and that was like our fancy dinner.

My dad really liked Outback. He's like, let's just go to Outback and get a steak. He thought Outback was like Keens was for like New York City advertisers. And that crossover with my love of all things Australia growing up, like I think I was wildly obsessed with Australia for some reason. So the two of those together just made it a destiny. And then later on, it would become even more of a love whence they started doing takeout and they were old enough to drive.

Oh, yeah. And you would just like a group of friends would be like, let's grab Outback for lunch or let's grab Outback for dinner and shit like that. Your dad point is a thing that we talked about a lot, that Outback is like a dad. It's a dad spot. We brought this up. We ate there last night, and we kind of had this discussion, which is roommate and our friend Jack Allison brought up that it feels like a lot of Outback's business is like dad's

birthday. It's like a place where dad wants to have a steak, so we're going to take him out to Outback. We're going to have a great time. It's dad's birthday if the kids are choosing for the dad. Like the dad, I'm sure, would like to just sit alone in the fucking house and just leave him alone. But if the kids have to take the dad out, they're like, we should go to Outback.

Dad likes meat. You mentioned curbside, and that was their takeout option. That was one of the first, I think Outback was one of the first chains to start doing that. It used to be that it was only a dine-in experience, and their curbside, you drive up and they, I've actually never done it, but you drive up and they just bring it to your car basically? Yeah. More or less, you pop out, tell them you're there, pay, and then you can walk right back

to your car with the takeout. In the Merrick Outback, as soon as we were old enough to drive, we'd be hanging out at someone's house, maybe partying, maybe not or whatever. But it would always be like, all right, guys, are we going to order pizza? Or now that we're 17, maybe some of us should go grab curbside. And then it would be, with my group of friends, you only ordered one of two things. You either ordered the wings or the cheese fries. And that's it.

And it would be like, and I was the outlier as a wings guy, a couple of people were wings guys, everyone else was the cheese fries guys. Sure. We found out one of the worst, right, weren't those one of the worst foods in America to eat? Are they still served them? They still serve them. If you look, this was a thing we found online of, I think it was Men's Health Magazine.

Yeah, Men's Health Magazine called the Aussie Cheese Fries Appetizer, the worst food in America. At the time, they evaluated it, 182 grams of fat and 3,000 calories per order. If you look at the menu now, because now they have to publish the calorie count on the menu itself, and now it's down to like 1,900 calories. So they've made some alterations. Yeah, they didn't presoak every potato and ranch. They're like, we probably don't need that as much.

They also list a death count on the menu now for how many people have eaten them and then died within like the hour. Yeah. And it's like, if they die after an hour, it doesn't count. So they're like constantly calling the coroner's office for time of death. Yeah, and I mean, 17-year-old kids would eat a whole order of cheese fries to the dome. Oh, no. By themselves.

Yeah. That's a day's worth of calories, right? Yeah, a day's worth of calories for a fucking bodybuilder. That's like fucking Michael Phelps calories. My dad was a huge eater of wings, like wings were his... I think now, to be honest, as much as I distance myself from my father, wings might be my favorite food and wings were, I think, his favorite food. We drove to Florida every year for vacation and we got wings at every restaurant.

We would be gone for 10 days. We'd have wings with lunch and dinner. And then we would, like, on the drive home compare where our favorite wings were. We had, like, a little... I had to... All right, hold on real quick. For biology class, they were like, over spring break, keep track of everything you eat so we could talk about nutrition and I gave it to my teacher and my teacher was like, have

you eaten buffalo wings for 14 meals in seven days and I was like, well, my family loves wings and we were doing an experiment and I feel like the teacher was like, well, this kid is going to die. Mrs. Hollings, if you're listening, I apologize. You just gave her so much relief. I'm still alive. Wings to me are, I can't eat wings just as a main meal. I love wings, too, but I need to have, like, a pizza slice or a fat asshole who needs

more food. But I can't just have wings as the main course. I can never do that. I can totally do it, but it has to be, like, 20 to 30, like, no exaggeration. I can definitely do it, but it can't be one dozen, which is disgusting. I like a wing basket, like a wing basket with some fries or something. That feels like a meal to me. You guys, are you spicy wings, are you barbecue sauce, what do we go with?

I'm all over the place. If I get the option, I'd like to split mild and barbecue. When I order from Hoagies and Wings, I do mild barbecue, but their sweet Thai chili is really good, too. I'm never, I can, every time I get barbecue wings, I'm always like, I wish I had just gotten all buffalo wings, because barbecue wings are always just like canned, they just feel like candy to me. They feel like they're coated in, like, sugar.

Yeah, they're, like, caramelized. They're caramelized, yeah, and I just, I go hot, just hot level, usually. Yeah, I feel like I'm pretty consistent with hot, but the curveball I like sometimes is like if they've got, like, a lemon pepper. Oh, yeah. That's Rick Ross' favorite kind of wing, which I don't know why I know that. Actually, I know exactly why I know that, I'm obsessed with that, man. He has, like, six songs about that.

Yeah, he owns, like, a bunch of Wingstop chains. Does he, does he really? Yeah, yeah. Lemon pepper, my wings. My wife got me a birthday card this year that said, you're the lemon pepper to my wings. Oh. We're beautiful like that. Oh, yeah.

When I was younger, I, my mom was making lemon chicken, and I threw up, and now I can never eat lemon and chicken combo, sorry, to even tell the story. No, that's fine. Yeah. But I just have, like, if I even smell lemon chicken, and it was the thing I liked, but I just got sick and never eat it again. Yeah, I got sick off of screwdrivers one time, I didn't have orange juice for eight years. I couldn't sip orange juice without tasting vodka in it.

Wow. Yeah, I still don't even really like orange juice anymore. Like, because of that moment? Because of that one moment, like, I feel like it's just, it depends where it happens in your development, and then it's like, and then if you don't have it for, like, a year, then you're like, now I can't, I can't reintroduce this into the, the super homeostasis ecosystem that is my body. That's, that bothers me out, because a good nice tall glass of cool orange juice, oh,

there's nothing like it sometimes in the morning. I can drink screwdrivers again. I still don't like plain orange juice though, I have a problem, I have several problems. But rotating this wing conversation back full circle, you're like, oh, with fries or whatever. The thing that I like most about the outback wings is that they were spicy, but dry. The sauce was like baked into them, you know. So it wasn't like when you just get chicken wings and they roll them in a bowl of Franks. I forget who I was talking to about that the other day, it's such a bummer when you order

wings somewhere and you see the Franks. Yes. And you're like, oh, fuck man, I can do this. I was hoping you at least had your own hot sauce. Yeah, they got like some Costco frozen drumettes and they put them in the deep fryer and then they have like a metal bowl with some Franks and then they just mix it around and they serve it to you. Yeah, exactly.

And that's why the Cucaburra wings were always my favorite food growing up. Because they're baked and outback wings are only the drumsticks, at least they were back in the day, they were only the drumsticks and they were thick as fuck. And when we were kids, it's like, now I like the wing parts a lot because I figured out how to finally eat them, but when you're younger, it's like it's just so much more convenient, just drumettes. Oh yeah. And you're like, you're in the wing part more so and you're like, am I supposed to eat

all these veins in here? And you didn't know what to do. I agree. I'm still a drumette's guy more so. I think drumettes, they're a little bit more convenient to eat, but there is something like, how do you feel about boneless wings? Because for me, I feel like you're losing a key element. It's kind of like more of like a nugget with sauce.

Yeah, I think at boneless wings, you're in nugget and tender territory and it's not the same thing. As a matter of fact, it needs that, I think the thin like, when it's that just big chunk of a meat, you don't get that, the hot sauce is like less surface area. Does that make sense? The sauce is like less surface area on like a boneless nugget. There's like a big chunk of just white meat in the middle, whereas with a wing, you're eating minimal meat that doesn't have skin or sauce on it.

That's very fair. I don't know. That's an insane. I'm so high right now. Barely articulate what I like about wings. The bones bring the sauce and the skin. I actually, I really appreciate that breakdown. But I think boneless wings were pretty popular in Boston area maybe or something, and there's

some that are done really well. And I'm sure that since you live on the Long Island, I'm sure that you've had some great boneless wings. I've over the years, I've grown to love boneless. If they're done right, I'm with you. It can't be like just a chicken nugget that has Frank's rolled on it, you know, and that sucks. But I feel like it gets in the vein of General So's chicken at that point.

You know what I mean? Like, and there's something inherently, I know this is incorrect, but it feels healthier when you eat it off the bone because you're like, this is definitely a piece of animal. Like this is undeniably an animal. And then when you get it in like a nugget form, you're like, how'd they make it this shape? Yes. Well, actually, that brings up an interesting point about our meal last night because I had

a lobster side and they were... By the way, two words rarely paired together and probably rarely ordered at an outback steakhouse. It is. They are... Let's get into talking about an outback steakhouse, dig in a little bit more on that. But as far as your meal last night, Mitch, it's a promotion they're running, right? Yes, it's an outback special.

It was a steak in lobster the way you want it. I got coconut lobster, I know, which was... There was a lot of mistakes that I made, but I think that... We were talking about how they maybe just brought out lobster shells like with the... I think that is possibly the case because there were two lobster shells and we were like, oh, they probably have these breaded and ready to go before they even get here. So then does that also mean... Cooking them almost like crab cakes and then they just serve them to you in a lobster shell.

Yeah, to paint a picture a little bit of there, they're kind of like these tempura-shaped lobster tails that kind of had this heavy coconut crust on them. And then right next to them on the plate were two lobster shells. Empty lobster shells and we were like, oh, they must be like... They must also get like a box or a bag of empty lobster shells that they put on the plate as dressing kind of, right? It's the kind of thing where it's like you think through the way the economics of chain restaurants and how these work and it seems a lot more plausible that even though it would

be, I guess, you could have taken the lobster meat out of that same shell and served it like that, but it seems a lot more plausible that these were two separate things. Yeah, I don't think they're rolling the tempura batter back there, I think it's coming like that. Yeah. I mean, did you get to pick your lobster out of the tank that set out there? Most places that serve lobster show you them alive. Yeah, those things, those...

Even red lobster has lobsters in it. Yeah, those lobster tails had been deceased for at least a little bit. They were... And also it was such a weird garnish to have because I was like, ugh, I don't even like how these shells look. They look kind of gross and weird. I wish they didn't show me any of that stuff. It's like giving you a grilled chicken breast and then just leaving a stack of bones on

the side and they're like, oh, nice, what is this fucking barbarian meal? I'll have fried clam strips, but also can I just have a basket of shells to look at? To make me nauseous? That's pretty much what it did. That was... It made me think about how not real it was more so than like, I was like, this feels less real. If I'd just gotten the fried lobster, I'd be like, yeah, fine, whatever, I don't care

what it is, but seeing the shells made me think about like, what's the origin of this thing? Yeah. Yeah, and it's like, oh, don't forget to plate that and they just grab shells out of a big rubber-made garbage can and just put them on there. Faber, when's the last time you've been to an outback? I would say it was about maybe last summer. Okay.

Yeah, when I was back home on my own. It has been a while. Yeah, because this was... And I was bummed I couldn't join you guys last night. I had to fucking do some bullshit, coach a mod team, because that's where my life is. This was my first experience eating an outback as an adult, which is always a little different approaching it as a chain restaurant, like, yeah, I have a lot more eating experience, but it's also things like, I would always, you know, it's like, you go get a Pepsi or

a Coke or whatever. It's a little different to get like whatever their cocktail is, or like, I just got like the big stein of fosters, which was just like, oh, that's a fun thing to do. That brings me to my next point, growing my next... I'm on your podcast. Well, thank you for bringing me on to my next point. That was one of my dream goals when we were 17 years old, getting an outback, and I grew up eating an outback with my dad, I couldn't wait to be 21 and have a beer, order a beer

with my family out at Outback, because they have those big ass flagans that come with like the wooden holders sometimes, or, you know, and I was like, I'm just going to get a giant fosters, because the commercial, it turns out I don't even think Australians like fosters. No, I don't think so. Yeah, yeah. Fosters commercials kind of annoy me, they're like, this is like a bit, and it's like, oh, whatever.

Like, shut up. Was it in hindsight, like now that we're older and understand, they were, that was racist, right? Was that like... Yeah, kinda. It's a very, those commercials are just, they're like, these are like American women, these are Australian women, and like, it would just be like, all right, I get it, everything is better in Australia.

Like, shut up. But would it be like, Philly Blunts, black for cigarettes, like you couldn't do that? Like, and that's pretty much what they were doing about Australians, and you know it's some weird American ad agency who's like, yeah, in Australia these shitheads throw boomerangs all day. Yeah. It's like, it seems so ethnocentric. Yeah, 100%, yeah, like, I feel like an outback man, does it really exist?

Like, I mean, I'm sure it does, but I feel like it's like, here, like a Revolutionary War soldier guy or something, like people who live in Gettysburg or something, press up, like, I feel like that's not Australia at all. Yeah, I feel like the outback guy in Australia now is like, running a tour guide full, like running a tour full of Americans or something, like, God, it's not really like, I live in the wilderness. It is like, yeah, and I think this, because Foster's came from the same place of outback is there was this fascination with Australia that I also had, you mentioned this up top

But I also had, like, a period where I was like, I was like, super into Australia and like, I think I owned a boomerang for some reason. And what was it about America in, like, 1988, where it was just like, it was like a flash point for an obsession with Australian culture. I don't know what it was. Well, it was like, for me, I feel like, and I think what America latched onto was that it was like paradise, and it was like untouched, and it was white, you know what I mean? So it was like palatable for most Americans to be like, what a great place where, you

know, there's beaches and animals we don't have here and words we don't say here. And I mean, even though now knowing Australia, there's a huge like aboriginal, like, but I feel like, but it's not Africa, and it doesn't see, there are no lions, no, no, there's Tasmanian devils, you know, there's like these weird animals. So it was doubly racist in a lot of ways that like our fascination with Australia. Yeah, I, the crocodile Dundee and the crocodile hunter, which is also funny that the two most famous guys had crocodile in their name, right? Like I feel like those were big influences on people and yeah, you could argue like Mel

Gibson is like a Nicole Kidman or more famous, but people known from being for being from Australia. Mel Gibson was born in Westchester, he was born in Fort Plank, a little town that my wife is from. That's how I know that. He was born there, he lived there until he was like six months or a year, then went to Australia. Does Mel Gibson have an accent, like an Australian accent?

Not really. I think he has an anti-Semitic accent. I bring controversy to dumb boys. I'm calling you out, Gibson. And that we're filming The Beaver, to counteract. Do you guys remember that film, The Beaver, he Jody Foster directed, it was like a, like tried, it came out in the aftermath of his anti-Semitic remarks, but in that one he has a Beaver puppet and when he does the puppet voice, he does an Australian accent.

Yeah, I don't know if that's, but I don't think that's his real voice. When you hear him on talk shows or whatever, he has an American accent. I hear he still carries around that puppet. I hear he blames the puppet for everything. To escape the puppet. Everything he says, every anti-Semitic remark comes from the puppet. Also Australia, to most people, is like surfers, lifeguards, bikini girls, blondes, shark tooth necklaces, pukashell, and it's like that weird 70s California, not the Los Angeles

that we now know, but like the, let's head out wet, it's like the beach frontier. That's a great call. It's kind of like a 70s California or something like that. It's funny because I just think of it as like, oh, there's like great white sharks and like huge spiders in Australia and I'm a huge pussy, so maybe that's why, but I'm afraid of going over there more so. Are there huge spiders? Yeah, no, wow.

I think so. I think there's huge spiders in California too though, not necessarily in Los Feliz, but there are. Thank God. Yeah, you're safe. I saw a wild tarantula once when I was shooting a comedy short in the desert, like a huge wild tarantula. I'd have a lot of time with that.

I'm pretty good with nature and I'd have a hard time. Yeah, it was pretty terrifying, especially because I was like doing a dumb comedy video and I was like, oh, what if I get like bit by this and die and like my family would be really disappointed. For a hundred dollar non-union. I had like a crackle shoot. A few years ago, my sketch group, we were shooting a video in Griffith Park, Park and LA.

The premise of the video was it was like a mob guy gets whacked and then a guy goes to piss on him, piss on his corpse, but then he just keeps, takes a really long pee. So whatever. Really stupid. But we were shooting this and I was the guy who died, so I had like one line and then I'm like lying on my face for the rest of the shoot. So I'm like lying on my face, like in the mud in a park and like children are playing. And my buddy Paul Russ has an apple juice bottle that he's like got, he's like filled

the water bottle with apple juice that he's got out his fly and he's just peeing apple juice all over me, like lying in the mud. And then I'm just kind of covered with sugar water. So like hornets or not, like yellow jackets are like buzzing around my face. It's like the most miserable experience and it's for no reason. We made this video, like no one saw it, there's just a way. You could have framed the body out for a couple of times. And now we know how to direct.

Well, now you can promote it on Dell Boys. That's true. Yeah. Check out mobster long piss on the, I don't even know what that is. It's on super deluxe. Yeah. On a website that no longer exists. Check out mobster long piss for Comedy Central's mother load.

What are you guys, this Outback Steakhouse is, I mean, Steakhouse, that's what they, what they're trying to go for. Are you guys into the steaks there? We talked about the apps a lot. Yeah. I feel like I never rarely ever got a steak there. I always, because the steak just felt like we had steak at home a lot. My dad would grow.

So for me, my dad, everyone else would get steaks, but I would get the Alice Springs chicken or the sweet choco mine. Okay. Yeah. Which is the Alice Springs on a sandwich. And the Alice Springs is mushroom, bacon and two different kinds of melted cheese. That's what I would always, always want to get. If I could, I would eat just buffalo wings, the house salad and the Aussie Bushman bread

or whatever they call that. Oh yeah. Good bread. Yeah. That bread is like completely underrated. Everyone talks about Red Lobster's Cheddar Bay Biscuits as like the free bread of the, of chain restaurant, like number one free bread, but that outback black bread is really good.

It's really, really good. And maybe that's trying to, you know, outweigh some of the racism stuff is that they have black bread. Oh yes, black bread, mate. I can't do an Australian accent, I just learned. But that bread is, it's always nice and warm and it's, and it's, it's. The butter is not, not hard, which is like a small thing, but really the butter comes soft.

We were, we were really, we gave the bread a five star review last night. It was. Yeah, we had a great, I think that bread is, I think you're absolutely right, an underrated chain restaurant bread. It's a, it's like a good texture, a good flavor. The butter is, is well-paired with it. Yeah, yeah. Beautiful presentation.

The cutting board with the big knife. The big knife jammed into it. It's great. Yeah. Very American idea of Australia too. It's like, you need a fucking Rambo knife to eat bread. That was actually kind of like, when you try to just get a little piece of butter with a giant butcher knife, you're like, well, this is kind of not right.

I wish I had a small butter knife. It would be way easier. I don't need to saw this soft, gooey bread in there. That's, that's like, that's the, like when, in the Fosters ad where it's like, this is a whatever. And I'm like, that doesn't seem right. I would like, it just feels like you guys are doing things wrong over there. Even that all just come from the crocodile Dundee.

That's not a knife. I think so. Now this is a knife. Yeah. And so then they just extrapolated that into an entire commercial campaign and possibly restaurant. Yeah. Pretty much.

I think, I think, I wonder without crocodile Dundee if this place ever exists. I don't think it does. And like, I read a little bit, I read like a first person account from one of the founders. And she was writing that when they came up with a concept, they deliberately were like, we're not going to visit Australia. We're not going to research Australia. We just want to build something based on what Americans think Australia is. So it was very calculated from the get go to be inauthentic.

That is such an interesting calculation. You know what? Let's be wrong. Hey, interesting idea, Jane. Let's do it. Well, I guess like some of that's like, it would be like, well, we like, Vegemite or whatever. And it would be like, no one like in America really wants to eat any of that shit. So Vegemite is disgusting.

Have you guys ever had it? Yeah. It's awful. Really awful. And so that is like an authentic Australian thing. And yeah, if they had Vegemite on the menu at Outback, that would be a miscalculation. So maybe they were right. Maybe they were right.

They did the right thing. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like going back to what you said before, Nick, you said steak, like, how are the steaks there? Do you like, I don't think people really get steaks there, right? I did last night and then I, so my history with Outback is kind of short. They put one in Quincy where I grew up later on and like when I was like 16 or 17 or something.

And I, and it was that sort of thing where I was like, whoa, an Outback. This is like nice. Cause that was kind of like the Rolls Royce of, of, of kind of fast food. Yeah. When you're 17 and you're like eating Wendy's every single day, you're like, hey, we have a little extra money now from shoveling snow. You want to get out back? Yeah.

It was, it was great. And it was like, oh, it's a nice steak. But yeah, both last night when I got the steak in back when I visited Outback the last time when I was, which was over a decade ago, I was like, just okay on the steak. I, I, I like it. It's all right. You know, it's better than like a steak. You would get like a college lunch room or something, but like it's, it's just only a

step above. It's seasoned well. I thought. Yeah. Well, I, you know, I have less experience with Outback as well because we were a Black Angus family. So like growing up, we would go to. Also racism.

Yes. Yeah. I, I imagine like a giant like Django, like Mandingo character, like on the Black Angus. Bringing the controversy to the top of it, so you can edit almost all of this. But you know, like, I feel like Outback actually does a pretty good steak. And I think that they've got like a, you know, they're known for being like a very heavily season. They did.

I think they have like a 23, 26 spice blend or something like that that they put on it. Montreal steaks. Yeah. And, um, uh, uh, but you know, it's got a good sear on it. It's cooked to temperature. I mean, the steak at last night, I had the ribeye had the, uh, the 10 ounce, uh, 10 ounce Outback ribeye and, um, uh, yeah, the good seasoning on it. It was, it was well, it was, I ordered it medium rare, came out medium rare.

So yeah, I think it's a, it's a pretty good option for the price point. Yes. Yeah. No, it, yeah. It's a cheap steak. It's not bad. It's not. You guys are doing this chain restaurant podcast.

Do you find the chain restaurants aren't as cheap as you thought they were? Yes. Yes. Every time I go to a chain restaurant, like I go to the cheesecake factory in the grove with my wife, if we're going to go see a movie, it's like, oh, fun, let's go eat cheesecake factory. And I'm always surprised. I'm like, for like another $50, we could eat it like a three, like we need an animal

or son of a God. Sure. Yeah. I'm always so surprised. Like, I'm like, oh yeah, this is where America eats. And I'm like, holy shit, I'm like doing well and this is, this is annoyingly expensive. That is a thing I think about this, like through this podcast experience, one, also, I don't know if anyone even wants to hear about chain restaurants, which we're going to find out

where four episodes in or if they just want to hear us being funny or if they want to hear like my, my lobster tail from Outback was like a little soft. Somebody at home is like, no, preach, bitch, preach. But yeah, that's, that is a thing I found out. But also I think that fast food chains are also kind of have gone, like if you go to Wendy's and you want like kind of a satisfying meal, it's usually 10 bucks now. When you got it for five bucks back in the day when we were teenagers or whatever. Yeah.

How much of that is regional though? Like is, are these, because I know like if you go to like the Hawaii McDonald's, like the prices are way jacked up. Like are the prices at like the Olive Garden in LA more than they are in like, you know, Duluth? You're probably right. Yeah. I guess the Grove Cheesecake Factory, that's like going to the Disneyland Cheesecake Factory.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. That totally makes sense. I bet you like back home and everyone's hometown, it's a little cheaper. Yeah. Yeah.

Because I think fast food is a little cheaper in your hometown too. Yeah. I think so. But even still like just Wendy's or whatever, like they've all kind of gone up a little bit because weren't, cheeseburgers at McDonald's remember were like, they're now like 69 cents or whatever. And I think they're now like a dollar. Yeah.

I think they've all kind of inflated, which makes sense, but, but yeah, no, like last night when we were paying the bill, I was like, oh man, this is like, this is like what we usually, if we went to like a nice restaurant. Yeah. If you went to like a place and had a, like had a couple of beers, like if you went to Franklin and Co, you would pay the same. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

But we have the luxury of living in a metropolis where there are some more independent, higher end, you know, restaurant options. I do feel like though there is, you know, we're talking specifically about Outback, I do feel like if you went to a steakhouse because, you know, me and my wife, we went to this, this restaurant, Bel Campo, it's like this artisan butcher that just opened in Santa Monica that's got like an attached restaurant and we had steak and it was a fantastic meal. We had a great time.

We were spending north of $200 for two people as a shitload of money and you go to Outback Steakhouse. My ribeye last night, ribeye, including dinner salad and bread and that was $19.99 for that meal and it was a perfectly good steak. I was like happy with it. So I think like, you know, that's a thing to factor in as well as like the type of cuisine you're getting. I think that's fair.

Also, here's what's, you brought it up, let's talk about a little bit. Outback salad. Now, it is just bagged, you know, like the lettuce, tomato, onion, but their blue cheese is like a fucking unimaginably good. Really good blue cheese dressing. Yeah, really good blue cheese dressing with chunks in it and everything. And that's what I think part of the thing I love about the Cucaburra wings was. But then the house salad there was just always so good because the lettuce was like freezing

cold and crisp and then just you would dump like a fucking ramekin full of beautiful grilled cheese, not grilled cheese, even better salad with grilled cheese on top. It's still healthy if it's a salad. There's some showmanship there because it's like how cold it is gives kind of the illusion of freshness. Yes. You know, when that's again, it's like bagged salad that's been sitting in there for their walk in for like two weeks.

But I actually really like a good dinner salad and that I think that's one of my favorite just dinner salads alongside. I feel like Marie Callender's does a really good dinner salad on it. I mean, I agree with you. I don't even like salad in general, but the Alpac salad, even when I was young with something I always want. Yeah, really good. I love a nice little dinner salad, too, but there I'm not a huge wedge fan because I actually

because of the reason you said like, oh, yeah, I just got like a big block of freezing cold lettuce that could have gone to the supermarket and grabbed off the shelf. And it like hurts your teeth as you eat it. You're like, Jesus, this is like eating fucking ice. I've gotten iceberg lettuce and there has been like ice next to it. And I'm like, oh, you just like grabbed in and pulled ice out with it. Yeah. I'm not thinking it's going to happen.

Meemaw, the lobster shells are in a rubber made container, but the fucking icebergs are all on it. The lettuce is on a beautiful ice shaved Norwegian ice to keep it cold. Now, Nick, you said that you enjoyed going there as an adult, but last night, why were you dressed up as a little boy with a big lollipop? That's my going outwear. That's what I wear when I'm out in the town because I'm on my way to do a skit and Betty White sketch show called Little Boy Long Piss.

Do you think Betty White in all her years has ever eaten in an outback steakhouse? A hundred. I'm sure. I bet you there's pictures. I bet you if we got the bandwidth large enough, someone could send us a picture of them with Betty White. At an outback. Oh, man.

I hope that. Oh, someone does that. If you're listening, at John Gabriel's on Twitter, send it out. Now we've talked about outback now for a long period of time and have not spoken about the blooming onion. Yes. You raise a good point. I love the blooming onion.

Huge blooming onion fan. What do you guys think? Yeah. I had it last night for the first time in a long time and I was afraid because I heard how bad it was for you. It's awful for you. But then it was so, it was really, really, really well done. We all agreed it was well done.

It's like onion rings but greasier. And that sauce, the blooming sauce is delicious. The blooming sauce is good. We were trying to figure out what, actually I figured out what the name was. It looks like a horseradish in it, right? Yes. Chipotle horseradish or like Russian horseradish or something like that. Spicy signature bloom sauce is what they call it.

That's illuminating. That's some Guy Fieri's shirt right there. It's really, you know, they know it's their signature dish. They know it's like people go there for the blooming onion. And so I think that's a thing they like really aim for, the consistent presentation because I feel like it's always good. Like you could, it's not like, it always comes out crisp and hot. It's not soggy, you know, they figured out a way to mass produce that where it's going

to be a good product on people's tables. And it actually does feel like a thing, even though I'm sure it's not, but it feels like a thing that they do bread. Like it feels like they... Yeah, exactly. Because there's full onions. It's got the best fried skin on any fried food because they're like, it's not super thick like an onion ring.

It's not like, it's not terribly crispy. It's like a little crispy but a little mushy too. Yeah. Oh, it's great. I was typically reading a men's health article one time back when I was like trying everything, including magazine subscriptions to lose weight. It was like, I had the same amount of fat as like 17 Snickers bars. It was like so insane.

Jesus. And I was like, and I've taken one to the dome before. But like even when we were all those kids ordering the most disgusting food, like wings, cheese fries, cheese fries, wings, cheese fries, no one still ordered a blooming onion. Like even like, if you're like, we're going to have cheese fries for dinner, I don't think we should have a blooming onion. But when you go with, when I go with my parents, you always got to throw a blooming onion on the table.

Yeah. It felt, and now I'm like, if I ever go out back, I'll always get the blooming onion because it was so good and everything else is just all right. I feel like, I feel like it's a staple. I feel like it's maybe the reason that place has even stayed open for as long as it has. You have to be craving a very specific thing. Like you either have to like outback as like a scene, as a whole experience, or you have to be craving something very specific because like outside the blooming onion and like some

of their like more fried appetizers, it's like, it is steaks. So that's like a weird combination. Like that has to be like, I'm going to have a steak and my friend or my brother is going to eat this garbage. Like that's the perfect, because if you want fried garbage, there's great places to get fried garbage. If you want steak, there's great places to grab steak, but outback, you really need to be driving a very specific path.

I agree. One more thing in the blooming onion. And I think this is an underrated thing with apps, very shareable, super easy to split with a big party. Yeah. You can have eight people at a table and the blooming onion is, you don't need two. Yeah. Yeah.

You just read and it's very easy to reach in and grab a little thing and dip it and you don't need more than one dip a piece. It's good. It's, I think that's a. Yeah. There's no double dipping for any of those like whiny people who don't want to get a double dip. Very poppable.

Yeah. If you have six people out there, then you order wings and you get eight or not. Then you're like, who gets another, like the blooming onion is just there. Yeah. Yeah. Have you gotten drunk at a chain restaurant ever? That's a very weird, I did get drunk at an outback once. I was so excited to be 21 and it was so close to my house.

And I think actually I was like 25 at this point. My brother, I went with my brother and we just got smashed. Like we're like, let's take a cab to outback. I've told, I told, there was a chilies in Ithaca. So we used to get like two for ones all day long. Yes. Two for once. Yeah.

And, and, and, but also like those did leave you like the most hungover because they were, they were the most sugary drinks. I got, I got a couple, I'm trying not to drink lately because I'm doing a diet as we've talked about on the show before. Perfect timing. Yeah. Chain, chain restaurant podcast. Yes.

Boys featuring a guy on a diet and a skinny human being. Hey, don't give Nick too much credit. He used to be a huge fat asshole back then. I did. I lost a lot of weight in 2011. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah.

I was a, I thought you would react better to my fat asshole. So like, nope, Mitch is right, I was huge fat and I was an asshole. He lost a lot of weight. That's awesome. Yeah. So it is possible. You know what I found is this and the thing that worked for me is that like you still need to have meals like we had last night.

Like I found it impossible to just like, okay, I'm going to have my diet and I'm just going to stick to this and this is just how I live 24 seven. I'd be like, you know, for me, it was three a week. I'd just be like three times a week. I'm going to have a meal and I'm just going to eat whatever the fuck I want. If I want like a bacon cheeseburger and a milkshake, I'm going to do that. And that let me sort of maintain, it was like, okay, this is a little treat I have. Yeah.

And now you've been doing that for four years. Yeah. You sort of maintain that. Yeah. That's a, when I was in college, I rode crew, which already is not a popular thing to do. And by the way, Mitch, we need to talk more because I went away to college to row crew as well. Did you really?

We had very interesting parallel lives. Oh my God. Yeah. I quit the first week though. I did it for about two years. I could only drink one night a week pretty much. And I lost, I got under 200 pounds, but a couple of things happened. One, I realized that I'm not really that handsome of a man and having weight on me was actually

not that bad of a thing. And two, I looked like a human bobblehead. You found out that your head is, you have a fat person's head. I have a fat person's head. I have a fat person's head as well. I was just like, I was like, well, I got pretty in shape and I felt cut for the first time in my life. And I was like, oh, but you have like this huge head that looks like it's like struggling

to stay straight. Yeah. And so I couldn't, I, it wasn't like a good, it wasn't a great thing. I was like, oh, I'm slimmed down, but then also I look like a goofy, like, look guy. Well, because your head doesn't look small now. Neither, I'm 300 pounds and my head doesn't look small at all. Yes. So I can only imagine if I'm 200 pounds and my head's going to look crazy.

But I also think we might be giving ourselves some, we might be rationalizing. Oh, 100%. Like I might as well stay this fat because if I lost weight, I look even worse. And that is, cannot be true. I'm sure so many people are like, man, he looked so good back then, what's happened to him? But I, there is a level, I think there is a level of big guy where you, you, you, you still no matter what will be big.

My mom always when I was younger was just like, you're big and you're always going to be big. Cause when I was young, young, I was like a skinny, very, very skinny boy with blonde hair. And then I joke with my friends that I went down one summer into my basement with like a bag of Doritos and I came up looking like, I do now and it's kind of is the truth. Like, uh, like I went like the summer after like fifth grade or something. I just like one summer I was just like, and like became like, uh, what's the hulks abomination

or whatever. It's like when a, uh, uh, when a caterpillar crawls into a cocoon and then emerges a beautiful butterfly, but the opposite. Caterpillar goes in and comes out as a f***ing pug. I will say, I will say too, for a while I was rationalizing not losing weight because I do comedy and I'm an actor and I got this look, but then I realized that I was the fattest guy on my improv team when I was 225 pounds and I could still be the big guy, but my knees don't hurt getting in and out of the car.

You know, so things have always worked out so great for those us fat comedians. Oh, I know. I know. I read the Chris Farley biography and I was like, and he played rugby in college like I did. He's like, uh, brothers and I was like, oh yeah, never mind. Yeah. Uh, Gamberling one time said that to me.

He's like, well, you know what happens to us? And I was like, oh yeah, you're right. We should start exercising. He just straight up said, well, you know what happens to guys like us. It's true. It's very true. You, that was a nice trade off of crew for rugby. I feel like a smart, it kept me in shape, but I was allowed me to drink and party a

lot. Yeah. And it was practices were not at five in the morning. Yeah. And it's cool. Or you did. Yeah. That was, I should have figured that out earlier on, but whatever.

Um, and that's also another, when I went to cut, when I was in college, I thought I was going to study abroad in Australia. My junior year was my plan the whole time. Oh, wow. And then I was playing rugby and I was like, rugby is very popular in Australia and I got really into Australia and magnified my Australian culture like obsession a little bit. And then I couldn't afford it slash start to fall in love with this girl and she was going to maybe go to Australia and I was like, this is perfect.

Then she's like, there's no way I'm going to be able to go. And then I was like, ah, maybe I'll just stay here and do comedy because I was in a comedy group and that was super important for some reason. Um, and I was like, you know what, I won't go to Australia. I did marry that girl. So that feels like, and now we're going to New Zealand together next month. So like a little full circle action there. But that's how obsessed with Australia I was.

I was like, I'm going in college, even in high school, I was like, I'm going to study abroad in Australia. It's a place where my, uh, you and I, Gabriel and I are also a part of the dead dad's club. Both of our fathers have died. Yeah. Easy club to join. Easy club to join. No one really wants to be a member of it.

Uh, in fact, we shouldn't even label it as a club, but I, uh, but I, but, uh, after my father passed away, my mom has been so much about like going to Australia. She really wants to see Australia and I, I think we're going to go at some point. That's awesome. Yeah. Do it dude. I'm excited to see it. Oh, such a good thing that your dad passed away and they could finally go to Australia.

That's like, after I heard the news, I was like, yes, maybe it's time for that Australia trip. That was the eulogy. Well now we can go to Australia. Dad hated flying. Like just the most awful. Uh, on that note, uh, let's uh, let's uh, let's uh, let's uh, let's uh, let's uh, let's go ahead and give our assessment or our overall grade of, of outback steakhouse based on a,

on a lifetime of eating there. Uh, uh, so, uh, we'll rate this on a scale of one to five forks, one being the lowest, five being the highest and, uh, uh, go ahead and get, and, and give your overall review and, and, and give us your score. We'll start with Gabriel's. Is it, can I, can I do like a slight division? Can I say five forks for appetizer pre-entring and I would go three forks from entree on. Okay.

Yeah. I think it's a fair assessment. I chased. I always chase. I only would get, you know, appetizers and the bread and salad were all that mattered to me. Yeah. That's great, but you absolutely cannot do that.

Well then, uh, you know, I'm my permission to put this out here, like Gallagher on WTF. We, yeah, we're going to have him on. Is there a watermelon based chain restaurant that we can take him to or something? That would be great. Um. I don't know. I was like, I was just trying to search for something. Orange Julius has a watermelon drink.

I don't fucking know. What'd you do? And Nick just seemed genuinely mad at you for reading that. He really, really did. It's as if, I don't know this, but every episode you're like, we got to find that watermelon. It's like, you have Google, you fucking find it. I think as this podcast goes on, you'll find that Nick hates me secretly. No, no.

Not a secret. Um, so, so five for the, so an average of four, five forks for appetizer for everything before entrees and then three forks for entrees on. Okay. Go ahead, Mitch. Um, well, uh, it was, I enjoyed it. The, my two drinks were really nice at what we didn't really get to talk on that much, but the both of the, the, the wallaby darned, which was a peach Bellini was really nice.

And the bummer, we didn't get to talk about that. And the strawberry, uh, Camarena Margarita was, was really great, but, uh, yeah, the blooming onion, the bread, we, we talked about how all that stuff is, is really, really great. Uh, the Outback Special was so, so the lobster was, I don't know, I, I, I, I almost some of the mind to never get lobster at any chain restaurant ever again. I should have gone with the coconut shrimp instead of coconut. Just real quick. Let me run.

Hey, what kind of Margarita, a coconut lobster, blooming onion bread. You had the most disgusting, not like amount of food or just the most weirdest combinations of like a fucking 50 year old real housewife, 12 year old boy. The, the, in the strawberry margarita had sugar rimmed glass, which I like. It was a very diabetic meal, but, uh, and, and that was actually, that's a good point because the, the lobster tails had, remember that marmalade dipping sauce? It was like an apple sort of, it was a, yeah, it was weird, like an apple marmalade. It comes with their coconut shrimp too.

That, I, I, I, okay. Yeah. Yeah. I wish I had gotten the coconut shrimp actually. And my garlic mashed potatoes were cold, but overall the steak was, was good enough for, for a cheap steak and I'm going to give it a three and a half forks. Okay. Um, I like Outback Steakhouse.

I do think, uh, and, and perhaps, uh, uh, as a steak fan, as a guy who likes to eat steak a lot, uh, it is hard to get a steak that's cooked to temperature at a chain restaurant. And I think a lot of it, Outback does it well. Um, uh, you order steak medium rare, it comes out medium rare. And I think that's the thing that has to go in its favor if you're talking about a place to get steak, which is how it advertises itself. I think the atmosphere is pretty fun. It's kind of got this cheeky sort of vaguely Australian thing, you know, that comes across

in its marketing, but it's there in its menu and it's, and it's a, uh, uh, location. Did the waiter sit at the, sit down at your table? We didn't get that. We actually had a very cozy booth. We're there. There's, we're a party of three and I feel like we had like a booth for like two people. The, the, the, the booth we've been there. Mitch and Jack Al.

Yeah. Yeah. Yes. For those who don't know Jack, also fat guy. Thank you. You're welcome, Jack. You don't know Jack, but the one thing you know about him now is that he's overweight. That was, that was a con I was going to bring up is that I felt like I almost couldn't get

out of that booth. That was, I mean, I'd say that's unique to the, the Glendale location we dined at. The booths were a little cozy. Okay. Traditionally, the waiter would pop down on the seat with you. That was the thing that Outback did that other restaurants do. Ew. I don't like that.

That's too much. Oh, I'm okay with it. I liked it. Like a young little Dominican chick popping down. Um, steaks are well cooked and I feel like, yeah, uh, uh, Gabriel is right. The appetizers are outstanding there. Blumen Onion is an A plus appetizer. In fact, it might be the best appetizer in all of chain restaurants.

Uh, Outback Steakhouse, uh, for me, gets four forks. Wow. Wow. That's strong, strong review. I, I, I can, can I bring up one more con and then one more pro? Of course. Um, con, there was a guy vaping in the Outback by the bar and pro, there was a nice high school band playing, uh, outside of the restaurant when we were leaving.

So, again, these are specific to not only one location, but one evening at one location. What an interesting Yelp review. I love the band, hated the vaping guy. And then people are like, what? I'm going to, I'm going to review my experience of that restaurant. No, no, no, totally. But I don't want to deter anyone who's like, I hate marching bands. I'm never going to get that in Outback.

And actually, I will almost make that a con because like even, we felt like creeps even just like walking by that high school, like three older adult men. Remember, like, I felt like the parents are like, who are these three guys? And we're like, we're actually just going to help back. We're not here to watch this weird band play. But, uh, it was, it was, it was all around. It's a quality place. It's a quality place.

I think you'll have a good time. You will. Uh, uh, well, speaking of Yelp, uh, there was someone on Yelp who, who didn't have a good time at Outback Steakhouse. This is an unsatisfied Yelper. Uh, there's a one-star Yelp review of an Outback in coming Georgia by a dozen Ss of Athens. Here it goes. My friends and I were enjoying our meal on six seven 2014 when a man asked to speak to

the manager. He was reporting a vehicle out front that had dogs in it with the windows only rolled down about two in and it was over 90 degrees outside. The immature and very unprofessional manager went and got the owner of the van and escorted her to the man's table. They insulted and humiliated this man in front of the pageant. I lost my appetite. My friends and I had enough and left shortly after he did.

The food was okay. Not the best and service was awful, even worse after the incident. They did nothing to help the poor dogs outside and nobody in the Outback called the police until after the fact. Lady, a complaint was made to the police with your license plate number and your vehicle make and model. My friends and I used to dine here frequently. We will no longer dine here and boycott Outback due to lack of professionalism and lack of

care for animals trapped in hot cars. That's like a Mitch review. Hyper specific to one person's experience. What an insane turn of events. There are animals locked in a hot car and the manager grabs, I guess grabs the owner of the vehicle and why are they mad at the person who reported this? I feel like what that sounds like is the manager brought the owner of the car over to like, hey, this person complained about you, which is the most.

When you complain about someone, imagine you complained about your waiter to the manager and the manager is like, bring the waiter over here and you'll talk to him face to face. It's actually terrifying. You want it to be anonymous. I feel like they brought them over and then the owner of the, I can't tell who embarrassed who, but it was like the owner of the car or the person who reported them that someone got severely embarrassed. It implies it uses they.

It implies that both the manager and the owner of the van participated in insulting and humiliating this man for some reason. That is going on at the Zout bag. Snitches get stitches. That's crazy and also like, what they call the cops after for the animals. I'm like, and also like this lady wasn't a part of this at all. She was just sitting at another table watching it all, right? And the service went down after the fact.

All the waiters were shook. It was there. It was there 9-11. Waiters were like, I don't know when we should go back to work. That is so weird for like, if the manager actually truly did dress down the person who was complaining. He's like, he's just trying to like enjoy his meal and his dog, like who cares about his dogs or whatever.

Did you do an Australian accent? Yeah, I was just saying, it's the manager of the Georgian outback. They sent over a bunch of guys to help launch these businesses because they need an authentic Australian manager. Oi, it's your fucking dogs, mate. It's like when the Vatican sends over like an Irish priest to like New Jersey to work in the Archdiocese. Jesus Christ.

All right. Well, that'll wrap up our talk on outback steakhouse. Seems like we enjoyed it overall. It's time for a segment where I've got a mystery beverage and Mitch and Gabriel are going to try and guess what it is. It's the Weigar Challenge. Okay, so guys, a vamp a little bit while I set this up. I want to make an apology, you know how Nick just said, it's the Weigar Challenge.

I said last week that it was AMSR, it's ASMR, it's that really whispery talk that he does, you know? Yeah, it's like, that is in relation to a lot of different noises. For some people, it could just be like the sound of tissues rubbing together. Like the noises Nick is making right now. Yeah, I'm a heart is a rock, I don't know if that's supposed to happen. He's taking it very seriously. He's covered up this drink with a...

There's a paper bag with painter's tape wrapped around it. The thing is, the issue is the paper bag is a little too big, so I had to use some painter's tape to cinch it. But I think that makes it all the better. Yeah. You're so strong. So you were like out in your garage doing this late at night. Nick's done a lot more work for a podcast than I've seen any other podcast host do.

You like read something, prepared, spilled your tea. Oh God, Jesus Christ. It's not just going out anywhere. It's still vamping. And now I just realize why he probably hates me is because I probably don't do as much work. You're the Craig Maison to his John August. Mitch, I've known you a while and I anticipated what this working relationship was going to

be. I knew what I was getting into. I was like, bitch is a funny guy, he'll bring that to the table and then he'll show up on time hopefully. Jesus. I don't know when I asked you to speak in my fucking funeral. All right. So I'm going to hand these.

Mitch is dead. Now we can finally go to Australia. I'm going to hand these to you. Thank you, Nick. Okay. So go ahead and describe for everyone what you're seeing, what you're experiencing with this beverage. I've got one of those little plastic bar mitzvah cups full of a pinkish liquid fuchsia.

Yes. Surprisingly bright. Not a natural occurring fruit color. Almost looks like Hawaiian punch a little bit. Smells a little bit like bubble gum, right? Smells like bubble tea. Oh my God. Oh God.

Hold on. I need another sip. Is it, it feels like a weird, like if they aged Hawaiian punch or something. Yeah, it's like, is it strawberry lemonade without lemons? Is it like, it's some sort of strawberry juice? That's interesting you say strawberry lemonade because you get like a little bit of that sweetness. Yeah, but it's not, it's, the color, the sweetness doesn't match the color. I thought for sure it'd be way sweeter when I tasted it.

Yeah. So I'm wondering, it's got to be cut with something. Too fat guys quietly drinking. People are, there's just like some bear and Chelsea just jerking like this. Yeah, you fucked ASMR, this is all me right here. We should just do a podcast of 60 minutes of us gulping. Eating fucking pasta, like soupy pasta. There's a lot of, there's a lot of tension in this.

You guys just like sipping and considering it. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm hesitant to tell you how badly I want to be correct. It's so weird, you're like, it was a taste test. I'm like, oh shit, I got to get this right for some reason. You know what? I think I, I think I have an idea of what this is. Go ahead, Mitch. I think it's a strawberry kiwi drink.

Do you want to guess what the other flavor, do you want to guess a specific brand? Um, I'm going to go with Arizona iced tea, but I will say because you have a really long looking can. No, the classic 99 cent, the one that Arizona is using to give the ghetto diabetes. Pretty much. Um, I'm going to go with gave me diabetes. I'm going to go with strawberry kiwi lemonade. Uh, since you said Arizona, I'll just go, um, I don't know, steel reserve, I'm going

up long cans as well. It is Arizona iced tea, watermelon fruit juice cocktail. Wow. Watermelon. That's why I fucking earlier, I was like your blue, like I knew I had a watermelon cocktail and I was like, I was thrown off earlier. That was where his anger comes from. Oh, there was truly anger there and now we know why.

I was so like, ah, God damn it. How do I deflect this? Yes. Watermelon makes sense too. Cause it has that artificial, like this is what you want. It smells like, oh, this is going to taste great. And then doesn't back it up much like strawberry kiwi or watermelon or like, uh, yeah. Yeah.

That's that. Wow. Then despite us saying that and him hearing it and me saying it, we still didn't think of watermelon, which, which I don't really get the watermelon too much to you. It doesn't. Now, now I do when I smell it. Now it smells like watermelon gum. Yes.

Yeah. I will say it is room temperature, which is fine for the Weigar challenge. Uh, uh, I wonder if this was cold, if the watermelon would come out. Right. Because you don't really ever eat room temperature watermelon. Yes. Yeah. Gross.

What a gross dish. Hey, I might go away with some watermelon if anyone wants some. Oh, that watermelon is hot. Watermelon, I have to say one of the better candy or liquid or even ice cream forms. No. No. Oh, yeah. I'm saying, oh, 100%.

Okay. I just, I just think watermelon when you eat it, I'm just like, oh, like I want that flavor more, but it never really tastes and never backs. That's what I'm saying. It's now I'm like, it smells like water. I should have guessed watermelon because I don't like it that much. Yeah. Watermelon gum, remember it used to be like the bubble is just would be green on the outside

with like the pink in the middle like a watermelon and it was, it was always good for like three bites and then just gone. Yes. That's right. That's what I think of when I think of watermelon. Watermelon, marijuana, Jolly Ranchers now is that's like my go to watermelon treat. They really come a long way that they can make watermelon, Jolly Rancher, weed, candies. That's amazing.

Yeah. I had a weed coffee shot the other day. Oh, wow. That whole culture, because I don't drink, but I don't do weed anymore and so that whole culture of edibles is something I completely missed out on. Like those are just popping off recently. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Another thing I don't want to hear from a guy who just recently lost a bunch of, you know, like, I lost a lot of weight. I don't smoke weed anymore. No. I just want you to tell me it's a pill, Mitch, I'm going to say you won the Weigertallers. You get to keep the rest of the can. That's the worst part of the Weigertallers.

You have to finish it, it's a surprise. Let's open up the feedback. Like a restaurant, we value your feedback. So we've got an email today from Tim Calpakis. Tim's in a sketch group with Mitch, the birthday boys. That happened last week too. We had an email from Dave Ferguson also in the birthday boys. I just want to say, like, this is not cronyism.

It's just that we don't, the podcast isn't live yet. So we're getting questions, we're getting emails from people who know us. Who are Facebook friends? So rather than send you in a question, I demand it in the egotistical way that I am. You have anyone have any questions? I'm like, my question is, I want to be on to talk about them. All right, gamers. All right, let's read Tim's email.

Have you guys been to Green Burrito? Very weird. I think they only exist when attached to a Carl's Jr. locations. But there are so few menu items, they may as well just add those few burritos and tacos to the normal Carl's menu like Jack in the Box does. Plus, Carl's has breakfast burritos. So you can be standing at a Green Burrito in order a Carl's Jr. breakfast burrito. To me, that is weird.

My question is, what do you guys think of Green Burrito? That's a great question. I've always been kind of weirded out by that. Especially out here because there's so many good burrito places. And then if you want, like we did Taco Bell on the show a couple weeks ago. That is my favorite, like the fast food restaurant of all time. What would you, would you give it five forks? I'd give Taco Bell five forks.

I got five forks. Nick gave it three. I got some hate from Mitch and our guest of the time, Jack Allison, because I gave it three forks because I like Del Taco. Right. I mean, that would be my five forks. I'm an East Coaster. So Taco Bell was the $5.49 for, or it was $4.90 for 10 tacos.

When I was in a senior in high school. $4.90 for 10 tacos. The Grand Emil, right? The Grand Emil, yeah. And you just split that with one dude and it would be three bucks each. And you'd eat five tacos. And then just diarrhea during physics. Mr. Leecock, I have to go to the bathroom again.

My asshole's on fire. Wait a minute, were you guys eating these for breakfast? No, we were eating them like third period lunch. Wow. And we'd drive to Taco Bell and bring it back to school. I couldn't leave my jail cell of high school, so I wish I could have gone and gotten Taco Bell. I had a similar thing, couldn't leave campus for lunch.

Specifically just you? Yeah, just me. Speaking of, you know, West Coast versus East Coast, you know, I'm from Southern California and so I do know Green Burrito from back when it was just Green Burrito. The Carl's Jr. merger thing happened later. Oh, interesting. And I would say that I remember, maybe I'm misremembering it,

but I think it was like a little bit more upscale for a time. And then it got acquired by the Carl's Jr. Hardee's company and then it just sort of became, you know, you'll see it only as half a restaurant and it's kind of shitty. So, I've never been to a Carl's Jr. or a Green Burrito. Wait, what? Believe it or not. You've never been to a Carl's Jr.?

Have you been to Hardee's? I've never been to a Hardee's. I've been to an Arby's, but that's something else. Gabers, you love Carl's Jr. I would love Carl's Jr. It's really good. Yeah. I think I had a burger one time from Carl's Jr.

that like somebody else got, like when they got a bunch of burgers, but I've never been inside. Again, I don't think they're on the East Coast, and if they are, they're not in New York. Oh, yeah. Because I've never seen a Carl's Jr. until I drove up La Cienega from the airport. Hardee's even aren't really on the East Coast at all.

I don't really know them, but it sounds like, is this Green Burrito thing like a Pizza Hut Taco Bell, or is it like another register? It's, the ones I've been in, I think it's like all the same register. I think it's just, yeah, there's a menu split down the middle, and then you can order off of either. Does it have a combination Pizza Hut Taco Bell? Did I have one?

Yes, we had a KFC Taco Bell. Oh, that's awesome. We had a Pizza Hut Taco Bell. The thing I've seen, in addition to the Green Burrito Carl's Jr. hybrid, I've seen a Green Burrito Arby's hybrid. I think there's one in Long Beach. And that is just like, that's a rough meal. If you're going to Carl's, if you're going to Arby's slash Green Burrito.

All of that food is just like brown. Like I'm just like, it's like brown, and you're about to put it in your stomach. That just made me like nauseous. It really is just brown meat and brown meat paste. And like gravy. That is a gross combo. Yeah, I've had a Green Burrito,

because actually there's one close by in Glendale where you used to work, Nick, nearby where you used to work at Comedy Bang Bang. And there's a Green Burrito Carl's Jr. there, and I went there one time with my family, and one of us got like a Green Burrito thing. This sucks. Because Carl's Jr. is good, and then there's just like, there's these skimpy burrito options

that are not even like, they're like Taco Bell level, but not as good as Taco Bell. Right, they're like the Jack in the Box tacos? Yes, yeah. Yeah, kind of this, almost exactly, yeah. The one thing I've had success with at the Green Burrito, if you are eating there for whatever reason, is I think they do a solid just bean and cheese burrito.

And I would just get that and some chips and a drink and call it a day. You can't be the Del Taco bean and cheese burrito. Oh, that's true. So I've never had Del Taco. Oh wow, okay. Because I've only moved here a couple years ago, and I can't justify going to Del Taco if I can get good Mexican at a gas station or Taco Bell.

You're right. I mean, you're not wrong. But at Del Taco, I think there is some nostalgia wrapped up in it because that was the Mexican place we would go when I was a kid. But I would try it, give it a shot. Yeah, I would. I think if you like Taco Bell, I think you'll like Del Taco. It's a different experience.

But I think if you're a fast food fan, definitely drive through Del Taco once. I don't want to try to tell you to try either of these places since we are trying to lose some weight. But I'm shocked you haven't had Del. Del Taco actually almost comes off as like a little healthier to me. It feels fresh. Green Burrito doesn't have that factor.

It's kind of just like feel sloppy. Yeah. Can I ask a feedback question here? Of course. Can I get a Carl's Jr. recommendation from you, Mitch? And can I get a Del Taco recommendation? Like, what should I try when I go? What should I try when I go?

And I'll do this in the next six hours. Do a quick bang bang. I think the Carl's Jr., one of my favorites, like any of their specials are usually good right now. The ones that like chicks and bikinis eat. Yes, exactly. I don't usually get the $6 burger, but there are some people who swear by them.

But Carl's has this thing called a Big Carl, and if you add onions and pickles to it, it just is like this giant big, big Mac that's really, really well done. And that's always around. But then they have like the guacamole bacon burger is really good. That's a great one. Yeah.

You can't go wrong with that one or the jalapeno burger. Oh, all right. Cool. I'll do that. One thing that the Del Taco has over Taco Bell that I think is indisputable is they have fries, which is great. So I would get,

I almost always get their deluxe chili cheddar fries, which are like chili cheese fries with sour cream, tomatoes, and onions on top of them. That sounds fucking awesome. They're really good. It's a really good fast food side. And then I like their crispy tacos a lot. You know, keep it basic.

If you like a burrito, their macho burritos, their combo burritos are pretty good. But yeah, I usually keep it simple there. Tacos, quesadilla, and some fries. Can I toss out a recommendation for that too? Yeah. The spicy chicken burrito is really well done and the bean and cheese burrito with green sauce.

That is a good bean and cheese burrito, yeah. And finally, they do a good quesadilla there too. I love quesadilla. The quesadillas are really good. I go with the spicy jack, but the cheddar one's good too. Yeah, spicy jack with chicken is great. Oh, that sounds awesome. I'm throwing a Taco Bell party in the near future

just to Instagram the receipt. So I'll put you guys on that email list now. Please, please do. It's mostly going to just be like me, Betsy Siddharo, and Mano just fucking housing Taco Bell. But please come along. I would love to. That sounds amazing.

If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at dowboyspodcast at gmail.com or hit us up on Twitter at dowboyspod. I think that all about a do it for today. Gabris, we covered so much. Thank you so much for being here. Thanks for having me. Is there anything you'd like to plug?

I guess follow me on Twitter if you're not already. I feel like this is a weird circle jerk since it's not airing. And probably all are similar friends, but at John Gabris, no H. Awesome, cool. That'll do it for this episode of Dowboys. Until next time, happy eating.

See ya.