Doughboys - P. F. Chang's with Jessica McKenna and Zach Reino

Episode Date: August 23, 2018

The talented and hilarious Jessica McKenna & Zach Reino (Off Book: The Improvised Musical) join the ‘boys for a review of Pan-Asian bistro P.F. Chang’s. Before diving to the review, we talk about musical jingles in fast food commercials, and Zach’s previous employment at the restaurant. Plus, a musical edition of Fake Chews. Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In 1920, Cecilia Shunyun Chung was born to a wealthy educated family in Beijing. One of 12 children raised in a 50-room mansion staffed by a platoon of servants, Chung's pampered childhood was in stark contrast with an early adulthood spent in flight. During World War II, the Japanese occupation of China forced Chung to flee her family home, and later led to her working as a spy for the Allies. Despite the armistice of 1945, the Maoist Cultural Revolution of 1949 made remaining in China risky for her upper-class family, and she fled the country to obey the communist regime's flattening economic policies.

Chung and her kin then spent a decade in post-war Japan before moving to San Francisco in 1960, where she opened a restaurant in the city's thriving Chinatown neighborhood. Unsatisfied by her competitors, who she viewed as offering dumb-down dishes to cater to American palates, Chung boldly built her menu around authentic Northern Chinese recipes, a decision that would turn her restaurant, the Mandarin, into a San Francisco icon. Aside from its menu, Chung further defied convention by decking out the Mandarin in elegant, regal decor, creating a fine-dining establishment that could stand aside the ritsiest French restaurants, in time attracting a celebrity clientele and expanding locations

into SF's traditionally white neighborhoods. In the midst of building a restaurant as an Asian woman business owner in an era when both were rare, Chung also raised two children, and her son, Philip, followed the matriarch into the family business, managing her restaurant in Beverly Hills. While his expat mother had dedicated her career to offering authenticity, Philip was eager to capitalize on accessibility, and in 1993 he collaborated with another successful restaurant tour, Paul Fleming, to open an American-Chinese eatery in Scottsdale, Arizona. Paul and Philip named their business by combining their own names, simplifying the spelling

and pronunciation of Philip's surname to make it more readable for its American clientele. As its menu and number of locations expanded, the concept folded in the Pan-Asian trend, combining the disparate cuisines of China, Japan, Thailand, and Vietnam into a crowd-pleasing continental blur. Today, with over 300 locations worldwide, the restaurant has had a hand in expanding mainstream acceptance of Asian flavors in the West, and in newly opened locations in China where curiosity for an American interpretation of Chinese food is drawing crowds. Today, 25 years after its founding, and 60 years after the Mandarin Open in San Francisco,

Paul Fleming and the son of Cecilia Chung continue to make beautiful music together. There's a Pan-Asian chain that serves everything, so grab your BFF and make your way to P.F. Changs, P.F. Changs, this week on Doe Boys, P.F. Changs! Welcome to Doe Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger, alongside my co-host, Squint Eastwood, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. I like that. That's a good one. I courtesy of Molecular Lionel, aka Ryan, if you have an insult you like to use on.

It's mean, but it's nice. It's nice. Yeah. It's mean, but it's nice. Clint Eastwood's a handsome guy. Yeah. We all love his politics. Oh boy.

Roast Spoon Man at gmail.com is the address if you'd like to send an insult for me to use on Mitch at the top of the show. Nick, we just sat through you singing, me and our guests. It was a tribute to our guests. It was. It was very nice. Thank you. We came on their podcast.

They prepared a lovely Doe Boys-style monologue intro that was much more engaging and well-performed than one that I would give. What I would say is like theirs was less frightening. I like to have everyone feel a little bit of menace at the top of the show. You could also, you know, you know, like you hear and you sense the talent when they were doing it. Right. Right.

Right. And for you, it just felt like some sort of, it felt like you had to do it, like checking some box off. It's a news anchor glumly reading a manifesto from a crazed viewer who's threatening to blow up a hospital. Oh boy. You went really low. You went pretty low in that.

You know, I think you got some of your best kind of low, like, I don't want to say baritone, but like a low vocal singing. I don't know if this is correct, right? Low vocal singing. Yeah. When you were like, you kind of went low. You went low. Go a little deeper.

Oh God. That's what I'm saying. I should live down here. Hey, I'm pretty comfy in the basement. Maybe I'll build myself a bed. Oh God. What are you doing down in that basement? Jacking off.

We all knew it. Everyone knew it. That's what you did in your childhood basement. And then when I'm down, I sound like this. How did how to Spoon Nation? I almost said Mitchy to Spoon Nation is dead, as you know, from the live show. Right. I got to draw for you, Wiger.

I'm going to get into it. I'm afraid there's going to be loud, but we'll see what happens. Here we go. Wiger? I always have a napkin handy, so in case of spills. You are such a fucking nerd. I'm a bit of a heat seeker, but that's my thinking time. Some people might assume that I was saying something a little civius.

Do Iger? Burger Brigade, here we go. Burger Brigade, enjoy the show. That was great. No. I got a lot of that in the playground growing up. A lot of Ionic Wiger. Oh, really?

A lot of Wiger, like a sagat in Street Fighter. Wiger, Wiger, Wiger uppercut. And then they also got the Nickelodeon jingle, the old school Nick jingle. Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nickelodeon. Oh, they were just singing the song? Yeah, they were just singing it. That one was the least great of those kids. You got a lot of Eye of the Wiger, huh?

Yeah. That's crazy. I mean, it rhymes with Tiger. Well, Robert Persinger, he sends it a lot. He says, I hope Wally and Irma are staying cool. And I hope you're having a fun summer. Boy, I hope they're staying cool in this heat wave. I know.

You know what? They like, they like the other, they like, they, oh jeez, they like the, uh, they like the hot room. Yeah. I call it the cat room. Also my, known as my office. Right. But that's where they, when I turn on the AC, they go into the office.

It's just a little crack open in the door. They go in there and they, and they hang out. Oh, got it. Yeah. They're in my bedroom right now because I put them in there when the guests come over. Right, right. You've seen them. They, they cause chaos when they're out.

Do you use that office for anything else other than cat storage? Uh, Mitch, let's introduce our guests. The host of the great podcast, off book, the improvised musical, Jessica McKenna and Zach Reno. Hi guys. Hello. Thanks so much for coming.

I botched your intro. I did a second take. We loved it. They'll just hear the second take. Whoa. That'll be fun. That's wild. It's a lot of fun.

And that song, uh, my dad, it's great. Yeah. He's playing it live. I skyped him in. That's not true. It's not true. But it was lovely. Thank you.

Oh, well, thank you guys. Thank you guys for having us on. What are you doing with your life? Why are you doing this? Right, right. What's a podcast? He'd say that over and over again. So, I mean, your guys podcast is, it's so great and it's so impressive.

I feel like I'm listening to a feat of strength, if that makes sense. It's like, it's like such a impressive thing you guys pull off. But you have such a great dynamic as a duo. My question is, and I asked this, I asked this of other podcasting duos. Mitch and I get in some spats. Is there ever any tension between the two of you from a working relationship standpoint? Very, very little. Yeah.

Right. Like, like, uh, like an annual report where we go like, Hey, let's check in on the whole year. I want to say this. Cool. So there was something that Jessica was like a little nervous about talking to me about the other day. And she like made such a build up to it that I was like, so where she was like, um, there's

something we need to talk about. And it ended up being like the small, I was like, yeah, it's fine. Like the actual question was not a big deal at all. I can't see you guys getting mad at each other. Yeah. You're very nice people. You both seem pretty calm. No, I don't ever get mad at Zach.

It's like, Hey, I think that this pattern should shift like, Hey, because we do a lot of divvying up our work as we work on like multiple things. Oh, that's an interesting idea. You're a novel concept. You're a freak, Wiger. Hey, just depending on like what we're working on at the time, sometimes things are more work than others. Right.

Like, Hey, this one has become bigger. Can we shift? I think that's mostly it. Yeah. I got you. It would be like, say you had a table and it's like, we got to wipe down this table. Nick Wiger would be like, let's build a new table. That's the way you act.

You're an insane man. It will be clean. Because it will be new. It will be clean. It's new. We should do it that way. It's time for a new table anyways. Yeah.

We need it. We do need it. I mean, we could use a better tape. We've had this effect directly. I wasn't being literal. You're fucking freak. Well, I'm being literal. We could use a better table in here.

I don't want a new kitchen table for God's sake. I'm trapped in the corner. I'm crashing into the mirror behind me all the time. Yeah. I know. That's your fault. If you break that mirror, you're a dead man. But see, this is, this is the money for you guys.

Like here animals be friends. Yeah. Right. Just a branding thing. Yeah. You got to know, you got to know what your pocket is. I guess everyone who's worked with me thinks I'm a pain in the ass. Yeah.

You're the common denominator. Oh, fuck you. I've just said this before. That's bullshit. Ferguson likes me. Don't try to fuck it. Ferguson likes me too. He does.

You have your issues when you work with people too. Yeah. Of course. You're cold and robotic. All right. That's true. You're a professional. And you turned your back when we talked about your improv team that you were with for like

a decade. Yeah. It wasn't a decade. It was close to a decade. It was. No. Yeah. It was like a decade.

You turned your back on the entire decade so fast. Yeah. It was stupid. I never should have done it. It's insane. I didn't say, I didn't say it was stupid. I never should have done it. I said it was a thing that as a, as a chapter.

You said it was a waste of time. Yeah. I mean, it was a waste. I mean, not for the first part of it, but for the latter part of it, it was kind of a waste of time. I wasn't getting much out of it. All right. You wanted to close the chapter.

Exactly. It had become a waste of time. Exactly. I wanted to move on. And so I just moved on. It was fine. This hasn't become a waste of time yet? Well, I mean, this is like, we, I mean, this is like a, yeah, I mean, it is.

Yes. Yes. It is a waste of time. It's a waste of everyone's time. You just run out of things to do. Right. This one's stuck. Yeah.

So, uh, Jess, I know, I know a SoCal native, Yorba Linda. Zach, I'm curious about it because it's your first time on the podcast. Jess has, uh, Jess has been here a few times. What, what is your, like, like, what is your, uh, your upbringing? Where were you from? What was the food like when you were growing up? Yeah. Also SoCal native.

Oh yeah. Santa Barbara, California. Oh nice. Not too far away. Hell yeah. Um, my, the. I like it. I can like it too.

Yeah, that's great. I like that you like it. It's great. I don't like it anymore. We're begging you to like it all the time. Please, you live here. It's great. My mom's been a vegetarian since she was like very, very young.

So. Oh wow. So when we would go, we didn't, and she, and like kind of like a health, very health conscious. So we didn't do fast food a ton. Right. We did pizza a lot. Um, there's a local.

Do you have, do you have, I'm sorry, I was going to ask, do you have a night for pizza? I knew you were going to ask this. It's a good question. It is a good question. I want to know this night. It's an interesting thing. Did you have a pizza night?

We did not. Oh. That's interesting. Yeah. That is interesting. A pizza night that moves around. That's fun. That's like a lottery for the kids.

Yeah. It's like my mom didn't want to cook. That's pizza night. That's a lottery for the kids, Nick. Hey, you know what? If you out there had a pizza night that wasn't fixed on one day of the week, hashtag lottery for the kids. Let us know.

Mitch was yours Friday. Mine was a Friday night pizza night. I think like obviously end of the week TGIF, but I think that's also like a vague Catholic thing. Because we had a lot of cheese pizza Fridays during Lent. Oh yeah. That makes sense. Or sometimes we'd make a Bulboli.

Or a Bulboli. Oh, Bulboli. Yes. Yeah. I already called a Bulboli, but it could be Bulboli. I don't know where the emphasis is. I do know the first time I had it at my friend David's house, my mind was blown. The idea that you could just like have a pizza, you could just make a pizza at your house.

I was like, this is unbelievable. See, I didn't do them too often because like we would make the pizza. I was like, this is like worse than. Yeah. This is frozen pizza. I liked the sauce. I liked it better than frozen, not as good as delivery. It was the midpoint for me.

Yeah. I think that's fair. I mean, I think that may, I think they, the, it would, you know, it's not a fresh dough. It's like that. It's like a thing. It's like a bagged bread that's been, that was baked like a week ago. So it's just not going to have that same quality when you're, when you're rebaking it, but.

I think I really dug its sauce. Yeah. It had like a nice. Does it come with a little side sauce or something? Yeah. It comes with a sauce. I might miss remembering, what is this? This is the crusts that are like already made in, in there in a bag.

Right. And then I thought they came with a sauce, but you could all, maybe you had to buy the sauce separately. It was like a pizza that you had to add some stuff to to make it a pizza. Just the, yeah. Just the top. And then like you would bake it for just however long it took the cheese to melt. You didn't have to cook the crust.

So it would be like quicker. It sounds so familiar. Here's, here's a, here's a pic. Zach. Yes. I remember that. Yeah. And then it would be fun because you could put on whatever toppings you want.

Right. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. I remember when I short lived a pizza lunchables. I remember. I remember with extreme clarity. And those sauce packets were bubbly.

Oh, I didn't know that. I remember my first disappointment as a child was I think the Launchables pizza. It was not good. It was like a cracker. Yeah. It was horrible. I never got it because I'd heard how bad it was. It was one of those things where like word travel.

The word was travel on the playground. Hey, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, come here. Those pizzas are shit. And also I'm going to punch you in the gut. Punch you in the eye. Up the wiker. I wasn't just getting bullied relentlessly. Hey, by the way, you're the only one who sings those Nick songs.

Just you, no one else. It's like an identity scenario. So, wait, so, wait, I want to dig in on Lunchables a little bit because, you know, They do. Yeah, I do. All right. We were on this topic. Did you guys ever have a Lunchables strategy?

Were you like meticulous about pairing your meats and your cheese and your crackers? Hell yeah. I wanted everything to go away at the same time. Got it. It was very much like I have a bowl of cereal and have the last bite of cereal and the milk go away simultaneously. I've never successfully done that. It's very, very, very difficult.

You have to cheat. You have to drink milk until there's enough left just the cereal. Got it. I try to, because they're kind of rationed out so that you can, I don't think it allows you to make a top and bottom sandwich and have it all go away at the same time. You have one, as far as the Lunchables I've had, you get one cracker, one meat, one cheese. Like they're all in equal numbers. Yeah, but not just one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of like three. They're one to one to one ratio. That's what I was trying to say. Yeah, four of each. So if you want to do the big sandwich at the end with like, you know, you got to go double. Double, double, yeah. And there's a Capri Sun in there sometimes too, right?

Isn't it like packed in with a drink occasionally? Sometimes. Sometimes. And they were like bigger, like expansion Lunchables. Sometimes there was like a fun-sized candy bar. There was a short-lived hot dog cheeseburger ones that came with a small can of nondescript cola. Oh, man.

This one scared me. What was the one that wasn't Lunchables but had the penguin as part of the marketing for it? Yeah, those are kid cuisines. That's right. They put those in the oven. Those were microwavable. Yeah, yeah.

Kid cuisines I had a lot of growing up. You know, Lunchables, I think I had like a few of them in like middle school and like maybe end of elementary school, but I think when they started to come back around in style or were like really marketing them, I was a little old. Nick, were you old for them or no? Yeah, I don't think kid cuisine was around as much. Oh, kid cuisine I did have. Yeah.

What were you waiting for? I was thinking Lunchables. Like were they- It was the opposite for me. Maybe this was a coastal thing. We had Lunchables pretty early on. Yeah. I was having them in, yeah, I was having them.

I feel like I had them in elementary school. I definitely had some in middle school. There also were, I'm remembering this now, Nacho Lunchables and Taco Lunchables. And the Nacho Lunchables were just like little chip rounds, a thing of salsa and a thing of cheese. Right. So that was like definitely couldn't be your lunch, but you could like build out your lunch around a Lunchables Nachos, which were pretty great.

I didn't really like any of the OG Lunchables. Yeah. And I would like burn through the cracker and just eat meat and cheese because I thought the cracker was not good. Yeah. The cracker. I mean also the meat and cheese aren't great. No.

Like everything's very low quality in those Lunchables. Yeah. I just looked it up. Lunchables were invented in 1988. Right. So they were around. Yeah. So they were, I was in elementary school when they came out.

We're old. There was a Jay Leno. You were in 1988, you were out here, right? You were writing for Johnny Carson. Johnny, I have a great bid on Lunchables. You know, that actually does remind me. There was around that era, there was a Jay Leno bid on Lunchables. And he was like, you know what, Lunchables is not the original name, original name is

Mommy Hates Me. I was like, ah, that's a good joke. That joke stuck with me. I did not have them that often, nor kids' cuisine. And I think because of that it was always the kind of thing of like, ooh, I'm gonna have a Lunchable. Like that's very exciting. Right.

But I did not have it a lot. Yeah. It was a rare treat for me because I think my parents were kind of fanatical about like making sure I had a sandwich every day for some reason. Yeah, that sounds right. I had a baloney sandwich. There's a lot. When I was in elementary school, then I would buy the school lunch sometimes, which is like,

was 75 cents, I think, and then was like $1.25, but it was at one point, I think 75 cents. Right. And it was, you know, the shittiest lunch in earth. But what I remember more so is, do you remember the Kool-Aid plastic bottle? The Kool-Aid plastic bottle? I did. Yeah. And Squeez-its.

Yes. Squeez-its were huge. Yeah. But there was like a brand called Squeez-it and the Kool-Aid ones. That's right. Two different things. And did you have Mondo? Oh, I don't know.

Oh, yes. Wow. At one point, there were three plastic, squeezy juices. That are still, they're decomposing somewhere in a giant pile. Yeah. They're still now. Mondo. Mondo was the most short-lived, I think.

Why? Why did you? You seem to not believe in Mondo. I haven't. I don't remember. Squeez-it and Kool-Aid I buy. But not Mondo. Mondo.

There was a lot of, there was a lot of, I feel like they don't, I feel like back in the, they weren't really nuts back in the 80s, early 90s and stuff. Oh my gosh. Toys as food. Yeah. Like it's just like, what can we get kids to be like, please, I must have this or I will die. Yeah.

The same coloring thing as things started to happen then, although that probably continued to much later when it was mustard, but it's green and ketchup, but it's blue. Pissed me off. I was not, I would not. Excuse me. It pissed you off. I did not stand for that. God, you joyless child.

No, everyone put down your sandwiches. I don't want to, I don't want to know green ketchup. Let's fuck up. Why the hell not? I don't know. It defies nature. What colors, food to be the colors are supposed to be. It's an abomination.

Yeah. The thing I would be so into if I was a kid like 10 years ago would have been uncrustables. Oh yeah. I would have begged my mom for those so hard because I was always like, please cut my crust off my sandwich. And she was like, I will show you how to make a sandwich and you can do that. If that matters to you. And I was like, no, I'm not going to get up earlier to make my own lunch.

I will acquiesce this time. Here's what I never understood about uncrustables. Why does that have to be an item that's like frozen and reheated? It's a great question. Doesn't it seem like the same? You don't have to reheat it. The whole point of is that it's frozen. You send it to school with the kids and then by the time lunchtime comes around, it's good

to go. Okay. So why does it need to be frozen in the first place? Because like, isn't it like, what is perishable about peanut butter and jelly? Like, isn't that the whole thing that that just like, I think they're just trying to extend the shelf life of like uncrustables comes like eight to a box or whatever. Got it. If you had them like out in the pantry, they would probably get gross.

Yeah. The consistency I think would get messed up. That makes like soak into the bread too much and get like, think of like even having a PB and J halfway through. Oh, you know what I had last week? Peanut butter, banana, Nutella, oh man. That's good. That's a crepe and a sandwich.

It was a great sandwich. I've never, I would never think to combine peanut butter and Nutella. I would think those would be redundant spreads, but. I was getting wild. It sounds great. It sounds delightful. I was trying to figure out when uncrustables were invented and I can't find, I can't find a date on them.

And there was a big, the Wikipedia was all patent stuff and it said 2007, but I thought they were, I thought they were earlier. I figured that they were earlier. I guess I never had them as kid. You can, you're trying to excuse your phone use. I know you've just been arguing with people on Twitter about the last Jedi. Just admit it. Why?

You just try to remind people that I don't like a movie. I don't even. That's the best one. The single best one. I never, I never, I like, I intentionally never even say when I dislike a movie except for Marvel's and Star Wars, because I, even if I dislike a movie, I'm like how a person tried. It's the only movie I talk about is the only movie I talk about not liking a lot of people

still tried on that. A lot of people tried. Ever was exerted. I think you could argue that no one tried. We are not for sure that anyone tried on that one. I want, look, I want you to stop talking. I don't want Ryan Johnson to come and kick my ass one day. He finds people who say they don't like it.

He comes out and find them in real life, like physically. I don't know. You don't know that. Producer of our podcast ran into him the other day. Really? Yep. At a party. He's around.

Wiger. Stop it. I'm trying to put a target on your back. He's kicking butts. He's kicking ass. Wait, so as you guys, another thing I want to talk with you guys about, you're from musical background. Did you have, was there anything in the food jingle space?

Was there ever anything in the, you know, in a good question, like any catchy commercial growing up that kind of stuck in your head and stuck with you that you can recall? Yes. Yes, let me remember why. Great. I really enjoyed, there was this retro commercial for C and H sugar that was like a commercial from when our parents were kids that they like redistribute or like they put back out. It was like, I think it was like an anniversary and it's great.

You ready for it? Yes. Okay. C and H, C and H. My mom uses it to make her cakes. She makes the greatest cookies, snacks and candy. They're Dan Dan Dandy Island kids all love the cane. It grows so clean and sweet. They eat it when it's freshly cut and then that's quite a treat.

Neat. Touched by sun, kissed by rain, C and H comes from the sugar cane. She makes the greatest cookies, snacks and candy in the bright pink package. Jesus. Thank you. Not only, not only do you recall that, like if we were, if I was the person who made that jingle, who was recording it right now, I would be like, good, you did it, good cake. We're perfect.

It was a very good job, yeah. Yeah. I don't, I mean. And it's sung by like Hawaiian children. Right. That's awesome. It's pretty cute. This was like a retro commercial that resurfaced.

Wow. That's badass. Yeah. The one, the one I remember it because I like, I remember a dull banana jingle that was around for a little bit and I haven't even been able to find it anywhere. Like I've just like, I've like, this, I know I saw this, this air sounds like a little childhood dream. I can't, I look, I can't, I can't hold a candle to that, that performance wise and

I don't know all the words, but it was like, uh, b a n a n a dough, bananas, rock and roll b a n a n a d o w e l e dole. It was like, they just kept spelling out banana and dole. Rock and roll. Yeah. Dull bananas, rock and roll. I think this is a dream. That's pretty, that's pretty ballsy banana advertising.

They're like, you know what's rock and roll bananas. You know what fruit was fucking hardcore and rad bananas? Man, they know how to shred their peel. I do. I don't, this is something that I, I frequently in, in the comedy scene get kind of like weird looks when people are like, you didn't watch like anything growing up, did you? And I'm like, no, because it was basically, we just didn't watch a lot of TV in my house. It was, it was forbidden in your home?

No, it absolutely wasn't. I was just a weird kid. I was like outside dressing up and just running around. That sounds like fun. It's, it's, yeah, it was something. Like LARPing. You were LARPing. I was LARPing by myself with no rule set.

Okay. Yeah. But I do, I do remember, and this is much, much later, but I, I, it's gotta be like maybe college became obsessed with that weird Denny's commercial that was made to target IHOP. They had this banana again, NANERpuss, who's sitting on top of a bunch of pancakes and it's like, yay, NANERpuss, and he goes, you can call me NANERpuss, NANERpuss, and guess what? I love pancakes.

And they go smash cut to like Denny, someone who takes your breakfast seriously. And all that commercial made me think of like, fuck you, give me NANERpuss. Yeah. Why would you introduce NANERpuss to be like not real? Yeah. Like good job giving like your competitor, IHOP, the best mascot they could possibly ever want. Yeah.

It was great. No memory. I have no, Nick and I were staring each other with our, our, our mouths open. We had no idea. Yeah. Yes. NANERpuss. Yeah.

And he was like sitting on top of pancakes. And they're puppeting him like a marionette, they've tied like, and he's sitting on like candy pancakes. Yeah. It's like, it's like a send up of IHOP, it's just covered in frosting and M&M's and whatever. I feel like NANERpuss should be brought, he should be a, a video game and a movie by now.

It's great, right? Yeah. It's like NANERpuss versus the Uncrustables is a movie that I would watch. I can't, I can't, I don't really, I don't know. I don't, I don't have to, I know all the normal ones. I was looking through and I saw the Mentos one and a few others. Sing it for us. Do do do do do do.

Do I. With the intro. Keep going. Nothing going in front, something fresh and in fun, there's something fresh and full of life. It doesn't come to you being fresh, being cool with Mentos fresh and full of, I don't even know what the. Met fresh goes better, Mentos freshness, fresh goes better with Mentos fresh and full of

life. Mentos, the fresh maker. Wow. Very good. Well done. Wow, I loved it. That reminded me of one I did see a million times, but I don't know if I remember it all. There was a double mint gum commercial.

Oh yeah. How did it go? Like, they say, they say double mint in the, yeah. Oh yeah. As a good commercial. I was just singing, I was just like, I was like, oh, I know that goes and I realized I was singing the big red jingle in my head. It's like, that's not it.

How does that go? It's like, it's big red freshness right through it. Your fresh breath goes on and on while you chew it says something longer, something something a little longer. A little bit. Oh yeah. A little longer. A little longer.

A little longer. A little longer. With big red. With big red. Yeah. Yeah. Double the flavor. Double the pleasure.

Double the fun. Double the pleasure. It's always like twins on roller skates. It's twins like skiing. Yeah. Double mint, double mint gum. Yeah. Double mint gum.

They say double mint twice, which is kind of. That's funny. Yeah, that's good. I was singing the juicy fruit theme the other day and you didn't know it. Jussie fruit, it's gonna move ya. Oh yeah. Soft and sweet. It gets right to ya.

Jussie fruit, the taste, the taste, the taste, it's gonna move ya. Look at that memory. So much tea. That's so much. That's so impressive. You remember all the Mentos, the pre-roll of Mentos? I would have just done Mentos, betterment. I would not have known the beginning.

Yeah. We have officially made your podcast, our podcast. More, more. Meow mix, I just saw, which is fun. Oh, I love that one. It's a little cat voice, that's right. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Who doesn't like that?

Homer sings it in his head on the jury stand, right? Oh, that's right. I know you can read my thoughts, boy. It's a lot of fun. We're a Simpsons podcast now. Oh, man, I really am gonna be hoping that these are made into drops. I hope the tentacles of this jingle conversation could be heard. Echo for forever.

Yeah, Echo for forever in drops. All right, the two guys who make drops, you heard it. Get going. Bam, bam, bam. Call to action. All it's gonna be is like, banana pus, banana pus. And then from three episodes ago, just saying like, oh, come, you should be like some raunchy fucking Frankenstein.

From three episodes ago. Yeah, from last episode and next episode and coming up soon. So as someone who was kind of like, it seemed like you had a relatively unique upbringing. What were your dietary habits like? Like you mentioned you're a vegetarian mom, you mentioned, you know, cheese pizza with some frequency. Yeah, she cooked a lot. We got pizza a decent amount.

She used to make like a lentil soup that was very, very good. Oh boy. I remember that I liked as a kid. I remember a lot of like sandwiches at lunch, like all the time she made me lunch, just you know, classic stuff. Were you guys going out much? Was Beyond Pizza was fast food, everything? Yeah, I think so, because we would go out and like, I remember getting, I ate a lot

of like, Alfredo based pastas as a youth until it caught up to me and started destroying me. Man, that's like your favorite sauce till it isn't, right? Yeah, it's real. I think for a kid, it's great because it's just like, it's just cheese in the middle. Clubbing you over the head with flavor. Yeah. This is just macaroni and cheese, but fettuccine and cheese.

I get it. This is adult macaroni and cheese. But no, she was never like, you can't eat meat. Right. We would go out and I would get hamburgers or whatever. Wow. But Santa Barbara weirdly, for a long time, it's very picky about what businesses can and cannot open up there.

Oh, right. This day cannot exist in Santa Barbara. Yes. So it won't let it. Some of those cloistered idyllic communities, they're like kind of like very, they were the protective about it around allowing chains. Yeah. So we had some, but most of them were outside of the city.

I remember there was a red robin that we went to like, maybe once. Oh man. Thanks, James. No problem. I had a wild salad at a red robin. We were driving up to San Francisco and we pulled up, it was one of the craziest weekends of my life. Oh, wild salad.

We pulled over at a random red robin in just like, you know, one of those small towns that just has a gas station and a few chain restaurants along the highway. And I ordered this salad and I was like, I had all these, I was like, this is such a bold menu item for a red robin. It had like, like mint and like all this citrus and like feta. It like had all these like, like elements there was, and this was like years ago before this was like something that was like, I was just like, I can't believe that a chain restaurant is actually going to this would, would put like fresh mint in a salad.

It was, it was a delight. You know what that immediately made me think of is that red robin was like, what do we have that we order for the bar that we can put into food? Oh, there you go. All of that citrus and mint for sure. I don't know about feta, but the other stuff they would be ordering in bulk for never had a feta martini cheese, teeny. You know what I think about mint and salads?

Keep it out of there. Oh, I like it. Keep it to the gum. Whoa, you don't like, you don't like mint savory at all. Right. I can't. What about a chutney, a mint chutney? Have you ever had one of those?

It sounds crazy, but it's so good. Watermelon, red onion, feta, mint, salads. Yeah. You know what? Okay. You won me. You won me with one. I got you got one with mint is not, I would say the like the body of those things.

And it's garnishing. I just don't. I don't mind it making an appearance. No, I mean either. And then also the other big thing too is with the mix of fruit, like the watermelon is big to have like some sort of fruit in there. And I don't usually love fruit and we had a, I thought, did you tweet this out? I thought this was a big issues with berries and salad.

But let me say this. Whoa. All right. I recently had a salad with blackberries in it. Oh boy. I'm trying to remember the context of the salad because it was, I was like, I saw these blackberries in the salad and I was like, I don't know about this. And then I started chowing down and I was like, this works so well.

I do know about this. And I like it. What salad was this? What am I thinking of? To have like a peppery dressing. I can't remember. I can't remember any other details besides that I was, I was skeptical about your mind palace.

We'll wait. We'll just sit here and wait. All right. I'll go to my fortress of solitude. I remember another commercial. Whatchamacallit. Remember the Whatchamacallit commercial? It just was like, Whatchamacallit?

And they said it very, oh yeah, I kind of did. Might it maybe is maybe even too old. Do you remember Whatchamacallit candy bars? Oh yeah, you go. Okay. And then Diapepsy, the Ray Charles. Oh yeah. You got the right one, baby.

Yeah. That was great. I remember Al Michaels throwing to that in the Super Bowl. And he just like, he just threw out the jingle like very like Al Michaels-illy. He was just like, you're like, this is brought to you by Diapepsy. You got the right one, baby. Uh-huh. It was just sportscaster delivery.

I just remembered that the first thing I ever auditioned for was an Oscar, Meyer commercial when I was in third grade. Wow. I, when I saw the little rascals in like first grade, I was like, Mom, it's time for me to get an agent. I'm ready to be an actor. Wow. And she was like, no.

Uh, but then she was like, you can do plays and see if you like acting, but I'm not driving you to LA and you're not gonna like be a child actor. Reasonable. Great. Great call by mom. Um, but they were like doing like a local gigantic search for like a kid for an Oscar Meyer commercial and they were like driving the, the Weenie Mobile through towns and like you could go audition by singing one of the Oscar

Meyer like jingles. And I was like, you got to let me try mom. They're right here in our town and she did. And I didn't get it, but I was there. I do remember the jingle perfectly. I mean, my baloney has a first thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Class.

Everyone knows it. Uh, come on. You don't know that. No, I know that jingle. I auditioned for Dennis the menace. Did you know this? The titular auditioned for the role of Dennis and Dennis the menace as a boy. And they were like, you're more of a Mr.

Wilson type. I lost out on the roll. I said, screw it. Let's start needing care anymore. I did not audition for any TV or movie stuff growing up, but I was in a commercial for a local ballot initiative to allow gay people to get married. Whoa. The Christians at my junior high were not about that.

Wow. They gave me shit for it. That's so cool that you did that. And then doing. Yeah, that's a bummer. I was like, I don't have political police yet. Yeah. I'm just trusting my parents on this one.

They were right. Wow. That's awesome. That's awesome. Your parents. Yeah, that's cool. That that's great. Um, yeah, they're down.

My, uh, my earliest TV credit was appearing on a show called Spellbound, which was a televised spelling bee. Oh my God. Nothing could be more perfect. I did pretty well. I took my team to the final round, but here's, and then I'm still bitter about this, the final round was not spelling. They, the final round was a personality.

All right, come on. The final round, you got to the final round, we got to the final round. I mean, you know, whatever, it was two teams. So we got to get to the final round and, and, and we, we could have won. But the final round was a word search. That's not spelling. And I guess you can say it's like, OK, it's kind of related because you should, you have to find how a word is spelled within this nest of other letters.

But still, it's a different skill set. They should have had some speed spell or something like that. Yeah. That's not right. Yeah, that's wrong. When I was, I went to this soccer camp growing up and I used to hate when we would scrimmage at the end and they'd be like, next goal wins. Oh, yeah.

I was like, this is garbage. All that came before it was for us. Yeah, like truly, like it would just be a way to like make you like, because it would be like the end of the day and people would be like tired of a way to like incentivize really going through like the final five minutes. Especially for the team who's like, we're going to lose. Right. And and it was like, obviously, this is a care. This is the scrimmage at summer camp.

But I was like, what kind of lesson is this? It's horrible. I hated it. It's bad. Is the is that is the the the part in Magnolia about the spelling? Is that based on you, Wager? Quiz kid, Donnie Smith. No. You're not. No, that's not based off of my life being on one local spelling

beak show in Lakewood, California. I was just checking. Yeah, the it could be the answer is no. It's not about me. Well, there's two quiz kids, right? There's one kid who like pees his pants and then Willie Macey is is Willie Macey. Macey is he done?

I think he is Donnie Smith. Oh, OK. And he's trying to get like his braces off or something. Right. Oh, he's great. He gets he tries to get braces because he loves the bartender who has braces. Oh, that's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. That movie is great. It is a it's a it's a it's a great movie and he has a sweet arc.

It's it's it's it's crazy. I mean, it's a it's a it's a crazy flick. Look, I don't want to get in the Paul Thomas Anderson's filmography here. We got a chain restaurant. Oh, Jesus. Sorry. So on from P.T. And I'm I boy, I was you were you were ready for this. Yes, do it.

Do it on the initials of the man on and the other man on from P.T. Anderson to P.F. Change. Yeah. Oh, I quit. I finally quit. Sucks. You've got to love him for who he is.

I mean, you don't have to. But you should. You should. I would love it if you quit and we kept recording at your place. You know, I wouldn't care. I'd be fine with it. You playing with Wally and Irma in your bedroom. What? You're going to be out of your old record and leave.

I'm going to go into my bedroom and play with Wally and Irma. Actually, I did play with him this morning. You know, I did what took a little pinch of catnip. I got a jar of catnip, put it in a bowl and they went. Why they didn't like I will put it because they were like sprinkled just a pinch of catnip. That's what it says on the side of the thing. I was like, I don't want to sprinkle it on the floor.

It seems weird. So I put it in a bowl and then they just put their head and they were just pushing their head into the bowl and going nuts. It was great. It was it was a great moment. And then I took out a little toy. They were going fucking crazy. He was jumping.

Wally was jumping higher than I feel like it. Like it would be like like like a PDs or something. Right. I heard him described as the Michael Jordan of cats. Wally. Yeah. I feel like these will be like I feel like catnip is performance enhancing because he's never gotten height like that before. He got he got some air.

Yeah, it was great. Give him the confidence to get the air he could always get. Oh, that's true. It was always within him. Yeah, maybe that's not catnip at all. It's just a pile of grain. Right. It's just.

So Zach, what the reason and for both of you, but the reason that we are addressing this chain with you as a duo is because it's partly because Zach, you have a history working there and and and and and and as we as we, I think we as people, perhaps inferred when you were talking about a bar service earlier, you're someone who has worked in this industry just before we get into that. I'm curious, what is your history with P.F. Chang's?

Is this a chain you have frequented in the past? It was not frequent. I definitely was like only made aware of it when I was in high school and it was of a similar in the similar like pantheon of like cheesecake factories that I attributed as being fancy restaurants. And definitely like the fanciest of chains. And the first one I ever went to was in South Orange County at Fashion Island, which is very ritzy.

So it was like, OK, this is a nice place. Yeah, that's a fancy as small. And that's like it seems like I mean that I think that's a lot of because the first one was in a mall and I think I think a lot of people's entry point to fine dining or or you know, approximation of fine dining is places like this. Is that that's that's the the very observation you were just making. But it's like, I think you're in in your town, like that's the nicest restaurant.

Yeah. And certainly for me, I was like, I wasn't until I was in my 20s that I realized like, oh, like a small, independent one location restaurant is like actually nicer than some of these places that are viewed as fancy. Right. And I do remember I told you guys this last night, I feel like I remember my mom coming home from eating at a P.F. Changs with like ladies before I ever went to one. And she was like, they had this thing called Lettuce Cups. And it was delicious and unlike anything.

And my mom is like, worldly. But she was like, get out of town on these things. Like and then when I went with her, she's like, well, we got to get the lettuce cut. Like it was a big it was like a big introduction. They are they I feel like those are because also at the same time, they feel like they were not that unhealthy. Because yeah, right. Totally feels like better for you, which are they?

I don't I have no idea. Lettuce. Lettuce wraps are not bad in terms of the things on the P.F. Changs menu. Yeah, for sure. I mean, we found out here's it gets bad. Oh boy. It gets. Chlorically, it's pretty. You do not want to read.

I remember reading the caloric intake on what a cup of hot and sour soup was. Yeah. A cup, a small cup. And it like made me lose my mind. It was over. It was it's easily over 600. I forget what it was exactly, but it's like so dense. Just that one cup of hot and sour soup will like congeal, right? If you don't eat it, like it will like congeal if when it's being heated,

like when we would go in like congeal is its natural state. The only reason it's not is because before you like dish it out to people, you go and you stir the thing. You know how like you'll get to see someone like dishing something out to you and they'll be like that layer of cheese, but they're a good service person. So they'll steer the whole thing around, right? The liquid, the hot and sour soup is like that all, all the way. Turtles all the way.

Yeah, it's cheese all the way down, but not cheese. It's hot. It's just so much oil. Right. And unless it's like real, real hot, it does. It does. Yeah. So so you you started working at the the P.F. Chang's from what we we discussed at the restaurant. You were working at the Sherman Oaks, California. You're working there in the early 2010.

Sherman Oaks, California from about 2010 to about 2012. And there's another relatively fancy mall, not the fanciest of malls. No, but for sure, people were going there thinking like, this is a night out. I mean, there's a there's a big, is that an arc light? There is not like there. So people are going there on like date night. It is a it is a place where people are getting dressed. There's like a cheesecake factory there.

It's kind of that vibe. And people are going into the P.F. Chang's, which that one at the time, and it has changed, I could tell from the one that we all went to yesterday. But it was very much trying to present itself as a fine dining experience at a lower price point. Yeah, like the way that you the number of like steps of service that there were, there were like 12 of them as a server. There were like six things you had to do the second someone sat down at a table.

Wow. And I thank God, do not remember all of them at this point. But yeah, people would come in there in like suits and fancy and dressed up. And then the bill would be very low and they would tip very badly. It was like this weird disconnect between those two things. Right. I do love to dress up for a night out on the town. Sure. Boy, that's a blast. You can dress up and go anywhere. Excuse me. You feel like you feel like a business man.

You feel like a million bucks. You feel that's what you want when you go out. You feel like a business man. I feel like an important business man. And I got a test. I see Nick with like a fun tie clip. You know, like he's really putting in some little Zazz. Nick suits up. Yeah.

Dressing up for a night on the town. First of all, I don't even believe it. First of all, I don't buy it. I've seen it two times. I've worn. I have. I own suits. I can. Last time you were in a suit. I'm funeral. You are. You were just attending for the fun of it.

It wasn't even anyone you knew. We'll take a break. We'll be back with more Doughboys. Welcome back to Doughboys, Nick. I just want to know. I just want to say. Yes. Zach was going to talk about his local pizza place and we cut him off. He never finished his thought. So I didn't get a local pizza place anecdote.

I apologize. What was what were you going to say about you remember now on pizza night or so it was because of my pizza night change. But then I had to make it about Catholicism. So you know we're all part of guys. I learned in college when I tried to use this as a specific for a pizza restaurant and the only other person in the room that laugh was a person that had been to Santa Barbara that this was not a national pizza chain.

It's called Rusty's. It's in Santa Barbara. The phone number is five six four one one one one area. Code eight oh five was in the back of every bus. And there was a Rusty's pizza. I took my now wife there after we got engaged. It's just like a place to stop by. That's fun.

It was the place that all the theater kids would go like get food. Ask her a thing. And it's very, very good. Then Chris Pizza. I'm happy. That's great. I'm happy. I am. Yeah, I'm glad. Great circle back. Yeah.

Hey, you know what? I like that phone number. I like all those ones at the end. Oh my God. Yeah, me too. It was close to the only reason I still remember it. Nick liked that it was close to code. All right.

What does one one one one one mean, Nick, when if you translate it from code, you think I can do binary math in my head? It's just a robot computer four times. Hi, hi, hi, hi. There were two local pizza chains and no one was called Giovanni's and that was our family go to the rest is where like kids would go.

Rusty's sounds like a blast. Yeah, it's rad. There's this one room in the back of it that's just painted by what looks like in the style of old Disney like Steamboat Willie cartoons. Well, the whole and it's just like there's like a series of like hobos with spindles and then there's a bunch of like penguins going down a slide or whatever. It's a crazy room.

But this is where you would take like a soccer team right there, whatever. These are I mean, this this doesn't get in a problematic territory, right? Oh, it definitely does. OK, I think if you looked into it like really carefully, there's probably some like weird stereotype stuff going on there. Well, that's that's Rusty. I want to give a visit to Rusty. Maybe we'll go there sometime, Nick.

Yeah, this guy's right in the 805. I'll I'll take you to a rest. Let's make that a priority. We're going to drive to Santa Barbara to go to all right. Fine, we won't go there. I thought the kid's soccer party would get you enticed. You heard pizza. You got fixated on it.

It was a good story. It was a good circle back around just like a pizza. I backed to P.F. Chang's in old Pasadena, which is something that I said yesterday at the table. He got as much reaction as it just did right now. I like people like it at the time. It's going to get a reaction both times remembering that moment. The sort of prospector delivery you've got.

I think it's great. So yeah, P.F. Chang's. We went to the Pasadena location Pasadena. We went to the old Pasadena. Oh, Nick said that say it like exacted. We went we went and make a took a sojourn over to old Pasadena. Yeah, Jessica, would you like to? Well, my favorite part was that he was located in old Pasadena.

You know, it's it's it's lovely out there in old Pasadena. Yeah, but you got to be on the lookout for coyotes and rattlers. Oh, fun. Oh, you know something? Sorry, you were really trying to like get us going. But you know what else is in my head? Like a jingle is the pre-ride announcement of Big Thunder Mountain, which I feel a wildest ride in the wilderness.

Hang on to them hats and glasses, because this here is the wildest ride in the wilderness. It is. That is so fun. It gets me so amped to write. It's so good. They changed the delivery on it to a prosody that is wild to me. It's been a while. It's right in the wilderness as if, like, that's the way the wilderness has ever been.

So they changed it just be it was the old is the old one. That's so that's bummer. They oh, you know what? They have to add. Watch your children. They add that to safety announcements. Now, I believe so. I think they had to re-record it to be like someone's.

Please keep your hands and arms inside the train at all times and remain seated. And remember, watch your children hang on to them hats and glasses. Someone sued them because they hadn't specifically said you have to watch your kid. Oh, boy. Yeah. I didn't come this amusement park to pay attention to my child. I came to have a time for me. Thunderbottom ranks high for me, by the way. I love that.

That's a great one. I did have one perilous experience where the lap bar, the lap bar, I think, closed over my wallet, like so it was like not fully secure. And then so when I sat into it, it like it was like there was like too much give. And so it was like just like rattling around a lot. I was like, like, like I wasn't like secure in there. It was like I was not wedged in properly. You were fine.

Yeah, I used to do that on purpose. I'd be like, oh, this is where it's like I put my sweatshirt there. And be like, no, I'll take the sweatshirt away. So I all bopping around, living life dangerously. Yes, kids. Yes, kids do that intentionally. I was 30 and I was terrified. You were 30. How bad is your wallet?

Well, congratulations. Stacks. I do like to dress up like a businessman sometimes and go to Disney. No, no, but I mean, I love that ride over. It's a fantastic ride. Great theming, just just a just a hoot all the way around. I like the goat chewing dynamite. Yeah, that's very good.

That is a blast. I'll be OK. It's a statement. He's I think he's going to be OK. I've been fine so far. So as so we're an old Pasadena right right next to a Fleming steakhouse, which is the same ownership group. I will say this about this, you know, I got seated pretty promptly.

The three of us were hanging out there for a bit or waiting for Mitch to arrive. Fuck you. And God, you suck. But I will say throughout the night, I think the servers we we interacted with were doing a good job, but it just seemed understaffed. And I feel like there were maybe two servers working the entire floor. And as you pointed out, it's like not a huge P.F. Changs, but still a sizable restaurant by restaurant standards.

I would say there were probably two servers for at least 10 tables. Yeah, yeah. So I feel like we could have, you know, I would have like it would have been nice if we maybe had a little bit more attention. You know, it was a Monday night when we went. I understand maybe they will they will staff a little lightly for financial reasons. But and it's not on the workers. But I mean, I just it felt like they were overburdened.

That said, we got into our cocktails. And I will say, generally speaking, potent libations. We got very strong pours. We were drunk. We were pretty drunk. We were I was I was. I mean, I normally probably would have got a second one to sample something different. But I was like, I cannot. Yeah. I won't be able to like it.

I need the rest of this. I ordered a second one to tap out one. I ordered a second one while I still have my drink on the table in the hopes of not getting drunk. I didn't drink the other half of my first drink. It was so crazy strong. It was like alcohol. Yeah, it was straight alcohol. So it's so shocking for a chain like chain restaurant to pour so heavily.

I feel like I wonder if the bartender was kind of like just like, I'll take care of these guys. I wonder if there was some sort of thing of just like why we don't know. Maybe he was just doing a restaurant wide. Maybe he was just like, I'll pour stiffer drinks for whatever reason. But they were they were they were pretty bone. I can't imagine that's how they're supposed to be doled out at the at the at the factory.

I mean, my my my tie was the company kitchen. Yeah, was almost I would say bad because it was so strong. Yes. So you got the Chang's my tie, but Cardi Light and Myers dark rum with orange curacao and tropical juices. Yeah, that was I mean, like because, you know, my tie is generally pretty fruity, accessible drink. It's a cocktail for people who don't like booze necessarily. Every time every time it's boozy,

every time I took a sip of it, it was like taking a shot of rum. It was like straight rum. It was really strong. Yeah. And then I well, I didn't that. But halfway through the meal, Jess was looking out for me. And I was like, I was like, like I was about I didn't. I did it. I didn't do it. I was just like, oh, if you forgot, I'm going to get it.

It looked like I was scared and wasn't going to do it. And then I was like, can I get some more pineapple juice in this? And she refilled about a quarter to maybe a third of the cup with pineapple juice. And then I had you take a sip of it afterwards, Nick, after they just put pineapple juice in it. And it was still insanely strong, still strong, still very strong, such a strong. It was it was crazy. It felt like a like a frat party punch bowl mix.

It was just just a lot of booze and not a lot of not a lot of a mix. I got the Japanese Old Fashioned, described as an Asian twist on a classic made with centauri, toky, Japanese whiskey, and served over an ice square. You know, very generic. Yours was supposed to be supposed to be a stiff drink. I would say, you know, this is basically as far as an Asian twist, the only Asian twist I could sense is that it was made with Japanese whiskey,

which, you know, there's a lot of good Japanese whiskies. But I mean, it wasn't anything particularly distinct from a normal old fashion. It's just like an old fashioned where you'd call you'd you'd call your spirit. And then you guys what I have. Oh, you have a second round, Mitch. We'll get to that in a second. But I have just that you got the Honey Time gin and tonic. And Zach, you got the cucumber Collins. Is that correct?

What just happened? I turned off the AC. OK. Are you how are you feeling? Are you hot? No, just like a like a noise disappeared. It was it was a beep. OK. And then the AC went out. It was disorienting. Feels at the con before the storm.

It feels like something's bad about that. What just happened? The AC went off. I was thrown. You know, guess what? You handled it great. Thank you, Mitch. I'm going to turn it by. It already feels warm. But it was cold. I didn't know if people were cold.

It's a hot day. I know it's a very hot day. We were tough. But it's a hard thing to handle. I don't know. It's hard to do. Mitch, you and I are big. I mean, you, in particular, I will say this is a this has been a pet cause of yours for years.

You have been obsessed with climate change. I know. But and and we were we were talking about this Hot House Earth article on BBC sounds like a hell. It's it's a nightmare. Just it's describing this nightmare scenario where basically the earth is going to warm by five degrees and just like much of much of what our current centers of habitation are just going to be uninhabitable.

People are just going to be fleeing the coast. Boiling in the sun will be will be living in AC all day. If you can afford it, everyone else will just be cooked. I just sounded like sounded awful. But anyway, so I've had that on the brain. I've had that on the brain in the midst of this heat wave. It's just like it's so it's too hot. It is August, which is very, very hot for Ella.

It's the hot month. Yeah. So but it's too it's too much. But it's hotter than normal. But that said, the the honey time gin and tonic cucumber Collins. What did you guys think of those cocktails? I had the gin tonic. I thought it was great. I was a little disappointed.

It was described as having a sprig of time, which I always enjoy as a garnish because you smell it as you drink it. And and it's just like I think adds a lot to a drink. But other than that, it was really tasty. I enjoyed it. Yeah, the sprig of time is definitely on the menu description. Gin shaken with honey water, fresh lemon juice and fever, fever tree tonic water with that time sprig.

Yeah, a little second. Zach and Jess's drinks were the best. They were very they were better. Yeah, and the cucumber Collins, you got Belvedere, vodka, honey, water, cucumber, Thai basil, fresh lemon juice. They're really leaning on that honey water. Yeah, I was good. Mine was really good, too.

And I will say that I think that with it was basically at the line of like how boozy I would want that drink to be. Right. It was like maximum amount of that. But it wasn't it wasn't unpleasant because it was cut with enough stuff that I thought it was really good. Yeah. And those are both. We both got like really, you know, hot weather drinks. Yeah, very refreshing.

Both of them. They both. They tasted like drinks I would order at rush. Yeah, for right. At a much fancier place. I think that I think the takeaway, you know, they were they were stiff drinks, but I think they have some gems on that cocktail menu. And you can drink it at a you can get yourself like you were saying, you can get yourself a good cocktail by chain restaurant standards, for sure.

They're the strawberry ginger margarita. That was your second round. That one, I think I think you liked a little bit. Yeah, it was better. It was it was just a little more straight. Up booze. It was good. It was good. It was it was it was kind of. I wish I got the the the the the sweet my top. You know what I mean?

The sweet version of the my tag. Right. I feel like I would have liked it. And I feel like I've had it before at other at other P.F. Chang's and it was and it's good. I thought that the ginger in that mark in the strawberry margarita was like a really good touch. Yeah. I thought it was great. Yeah, it was good.

I know I never I never had a I never had a ginger ginger in any margarita. We all spit all the drinks into each other's mouths like birds. So we all got to. Yeah, sorry, we should have painted a picture before we started. And we also stood up and we waved our hands like yeah, we have a hand and we screamed at the top of our lungs for more food when we were hungry. Yeah, I was thinking about that whole sequence driving home. It was that was weird.

Like we didn't need to do that. And you wanted more attention. I thought we had plenty. Yeah. So getting into the app. So we got the Chang's Lettuce Wraps with chicken. You got to get these lettuce wraps. They're signature dish.

Our producer, you song is is Gaga for these lettuce wraps, as far as I as I know. Is that correct, you song? This is your favorite. You just shout it. Yeah, they are the number one thing when you are working there that you are told to push. Yeah, it's like it's like we're known for it. Everyone loves it. If you need to do something nice for someone, you give it to them for free.

It's probably also a high profit margin item. It's lettuce and a bunch of chopped up chicken. Yeah, exactly. That said, I think these are these are good. I mean, they're they're a staple. I've had it before when I've been to P.F. Chang's it's been years since I've been there. But I mean, that's a thing that they people tell you to get.

And I think it's I think it's good. I think the chicken as well season, sometimes when you've got something that you got to put together on your own at a table. I like get frustrated by that because they rather just have something ready for me to take to bite into. But it's not very much work. You just spoon it into a little piece of lettuce, fold it up and eat it. Spoon man.

You said spoons, so I said spoon man. I got sauce on my hands. Like just on the first one, I got sauce in my hands. And that's that's that's the only issue with that's my only issue with them. Yeah. Well, I mean, your technique was a little off. You put the shut up with a spoon of chicken into your hand directly and then put a lettuce leaf lettuce on top of it.

Because you read it as lettuce cap, right? They're not lettuce cap. Your chicken was a little bit of a minced chicken with a hat of lettuce. To me, this feels like I had one in the cup. And then I did a little spoonful of chicken on its own, you know, like go one for the novelty. Get that sauce in there. And then I was just like, I have a little bit of chicken.

Oh, you saw this coming. Oh, he's leaving. Oh, good. I like it. Good choice. He was probably upset that we said anything at all negative about the lettuce wraps. Yes. Or you are.

But you said you said he was Gaga, like Gaga, Goo Goo. Like a baby, like a baby. I meant like it's like a thing. Like people are excited for something. They're Gaga for it. I don't like that expression. I don't like this. They're Gaga for it.

Yeah. Yeah, like cuckoo for cocoa. Yeah, cuckoo. I like that. You guys have heard Gaga, though. Oh, yeah, it's a thing. It's I know it's a thing. I just said I don't like it.

All right, Gaga for grow up, I say. You think you'd be more into Gaga and Goo Goo's for a guy who wears a diaper all day. I don't wear a diaper all day. Only part of the day. This show. I only wear a diaper and Wally and Irma are wearing one. And that's sweet. That is sweet.

That's very sweet. I do not feel ashamed. Zach, you don't eat your your something of a pescetarian. You didn't you didn't indulge in this. You've had it before. You've had this is somewhat recent dietary change for me. I've had this many, many times. And and what a favorite of yours from the menu.

Where would you say it ranks in the pantheon? It's it's it's fine. Yeah, I think it's good. It's all it's it's like kind of it's like chicken and lettuce and the chicken is well seasoned and I think it's not like super heavy. I think it's good. I think they're right to push it as much as they do. It's one of their I think it's one of their best things.

What is what is and here's here's the thing I think I want more of the chicken and less of the it's a oh it's like not hearts of palm or is it what it what's like the crunchy water, water, water, water, yes, water, yes. Thank you. I should get that. Yeah, they there's a lot of there's a lot of that filler in there. But yeah, I think that's part of it. And I think that's part of how it's still very you also feel the little rice noodle bed that it's on inside of there.

And that's I think just a garnish. Yeah, I make I wanted to mix it up. Yeah, I was like, whoa, maybe Nick knows something. I don't I gave it a little crunch. It was fun. No, no, never mind. He's a fool and shut up. I don't want to eat styrofoam. Oh, now he's eating the plate.

OK, the one thing that was not confusing to me. I was actually happy for this because anyone that's been to P.F. Chang's or like Watch South Park about P.F. Chang's one of the things that they like stress about it. Yeah, is that you'll have like a sauce mixed at your table, which did not happen for now. And I don't know if that's because they've moved on from that. Or if it was just like everyone, they had five tables each and they were closing up the restaurant. Yeah, they just didn't have time.

But was fine to me because as a server, it was the most pain in the ass thing to do. Yeah, that seems stressful, both doing it and like cleaning up the nine different like the three bottles, the three ramekins in front of that, the tray that it's on. It's like 20 percent of the of the back restaurant is like devoted to those things. What a nightmare. That seems horrible. But I awful. I don't need that. I do like bonus sauce options. So even if it was just like here's some ramekin, like I would love.

Yeah, I would love like three sauces. Yeah, right. Well, I could have given. Yeah. So we also got the the other apps. We got the crispy green beans, tempura battered and served with our signature spicy dipping sauce and a shrimp tempura roll. They have some sushi on the menu now, which is tempura shrimp, crab mix, crab with a K cucumber, avocado and umami sauce. You know, decent sushi about on par with what you get at like a middling

sushi place for that kind of role. It was fine. A couple pieces were falling apart, but I don't blame them too much for that. I would have liked those little dishes that you get for mixing the wasabi and the soy sauce that we didn't get those again. I just had to do it on the share plate and it was not the best situation. But that was fine. Sushi and the green beans I liked. I think I think those are actually quite delicious.

Yeah, I would say a plus app. Yeah, I love those. I'm hard pressed to think of an appetizer that I like more than that particular green beans and normally I don't like that type of dough. And to me, it didn't even taste like normal tempura. It tasted like sometime like like a certain type of fish and chips. It is like more battery for sure. It's much closer to fish and chips than like a shrimp tempura.

Right. It didn't feel like light. It didn't feel like it was made with rice flour. It felt like it was made with like funnel cake dough, but I was still like there for it. I was like, but somehow I like this. Maybe it's because of its dip in sauce or its ratio or and they have a tempura cauliflower, which we did not get, but I bet it's the same batter and I bet it's good. I was going to say last night, I think it's the most I've ever enjoyed green beans. Sure. Interesting. Besides, you know what?

I like green bean casserole. I've had a good green bean casserole. Here we go. Yeah. But but like green beans and other in other variations. I think that's the most I've enjoyed them. I like a nice steamed green bean. Oh, you loser. Just a basic. I like a steamed green bean, a glass of water.

That's boring. Those last night were they were they were delicious. They were good. They were they were like definitely decadent. And then like, I love that every place has their signature spicy dipping sauce, which is sriracha and mayo. Like right. Did you guys have any thoughts on the sushi? Same as what you said, like like functional.

I think I had one or two pieces and I was like, yeah, great. Yeah. But like nothing. It's it's the kind of thing that does feel like when I was working there, they had just expanded to start to have kind of like their steamed dumplings. Situations going on. They did not have sushi. Now they have sushi, too. So if I was going there and I was like, I'm not really into Chinese,

but I kind of want sushi and they had that. I think I'd be like, no, great. It's fine. Yeah. It's not like sushi restaurant quality. It definitely felt like training wheel sushi. Yeah. Yeah. Like there's nothing raw in there. Yeah. And everyone is. Yeah. Like everyone is like, yeah, OK, I can eat this.

Yeah. It's for grandma. It was shrimp tempura. Right. Shrimp tempura. Yeah. And that was that. That was a server recommendation. My only thought about that was that you almost ate a shrimp tail on your last one. I didn't eat this. I didn't almost eat this. You almost ate that shrimp tail when it was going to your mouth.

I was like, he's going to eat that shrimp tail to stop to not eat the tail. I thought you were going to eat the tail part off. I saw you before the weight before the waitress took the plate away. I saw you take the tail and slurp it down. It was an end piece that had the tail sticking out of the top of it. I know not. I know you eat it. You were putting this in your mouth. You almost ate the damn.

I put it in my mouth with a tail facing out. You're smiling right now because you know that I'm right on this. I know you're dead wrong. I know you're inventing something. It kind of sounds like something Heathcliff might do. I'm going to get me started on that mischievous cat. Oh, I wonder why you hate him so much. Heathcliff.

Because eating shrimp tails is fine. It shouldn't be mocked in comics. If Heathcliff was doing that, he would like eat it, but he'd be wearing a helmet that said like shrimp tails. And then like an old lady would be like standing in the doorway saying, there he goes again. He's like, what the what? That's funny.

You made us laugh. So getting to our mate, I did not eat a shrimp tail. Going to our mate. Going to our mate. And now I think about it again. I think you ate the shrimp tail, put the sushi on the plate, didn't eat it. All right.

You pushed it too far. I got the so we went kind of shrimp crazy. We got three different two shrimp dishes, one prawn dish, Kung Pao shrimp, the spiciest one, chili sauce, peanut, green onion, red chili peppers, crispy honey. We did go shrimp crazy. Crispy honey shrimp, I believe. Orange peeled.

I apologize. Orange peeled shrimp. And then the long life noodles and prawns was the one you ordered, Zach. And then Mitch, you got the, you took us home with a sesame chicken. That's right. And do you remember you said, get the sesame, and you said add shrimp tails to it?

And I was like, are you sure? And you said, yeah, add shrimp tails. This is normal. This is normal. I just want them to throw in tails. Come on, this is normal. Come on, do it. Just do it.

It's normal. You do it. It's normal. I thought the, I mean, the orange peeled shrimp were decently sweet, not overly sweet. I like those noodles and prawns a lot. And I like those prawns were fairly substantial. And I thought the noodles were decently cooked.

They were not too greasy. Does it say what the noodles are? Garlic egg noodles. Okay. So that is, I'm realizing now, we used to have a side, and it's probably still there, just called garlic noodles, which is the side that you can get. And the noodles are really solid.

They were my favorite part of that dish, I think. The sesame chicken, I thought was okay. I mean, like, it didn't blow my mind. I like the broccoli in it. And the Kung Pao shrimp. I like the, I like the suddenly chicken. Okay, I guess you're right. Just okay.

Yeah, I thought it was fine. And the Kung Pao, I mean, you can disagree. The Kung Pao shrimp, I would say was, it was also fine. I mean, like, I've had better Kung Pao in a lot of different contexts. I would say I would have liked it a little bit spicier, because I was a little bit of a heat seeker. Even the red chili peppers I was eating,

I think they'd been de-seeded or something. Yeah, I was shocked that you were taking those things down, like, crazy. I wasn't getting much of a burn from them. Those things will hurt your stomach. I did a back-to-back bite of Kung Pao shrimp and orange peel shrimp, and they were almost identical. Yeah, yeah.

I could taste the difference the first one of each that I tried. Everyone that came after that, I couldn't tell you which one it was. And they were like, oh, this is like nice, slightly flavorful, crispy shrimp, but nothing like particularly flavorful. Right.

Now, the two shrimp dishes, the prawns had their tails still, which Weigur loved. But that was kind of, yeah, you did. It was kind of annoying that you had to, it was annoying that you had for us three. It was annoying that you had to take the, it was annoying that, like, I wish they had detailed. I don't mind the tail being on there.

I don't mind it. I don't mind it either. Not because I eat it. I don't mind it either because I think it belies that it's a higher quality and bigger shrimp. Right, yeah. You know what I mean? And I think it sort of is like, oh, this

is a more finessed presentation. Yeah, didn't you think that that was, didn't you think the prawn dish was kind of smoky and oily tasting, or no? I can't remember. I don't think I only had one prawn, and I remember liking. It definitely is.

It had a little bit of smokiness to it. I feel like it was maybe too oily. I don't know. I didn't find it too oily. Do they still have a dish called salt and pepper prawns? Yes. I believe they do, yeah. Because I feel like that dish is very much,

let's put the salt and pepper prawns on top of the garlic noodles and call it another thing that we have. Yeah, that makes sense. And it was good. It was good. I think it might have been my favorite. I think that was my favorite of those.

The prawn dish was your guys' favorite? Yeah, I think so. I think that's a wonder. I mean, we were putting it on a shared play. Is it possible you plopped it in some just oil? Probably because you guys were being so nice and doing fish for me, we didn't get any of the beef dishes. We didn't get any of the, I guess,

Mongolian beef is one that they do. Yeah, I've had the Mongolian beef before, and I think that's good. It's solid. It's a solid one. And then they were very nice, gave us a gigantic bowl, salad bowl of half brown rice, half white rice. It was gorgeous.

It was great. It was good rice. The rice was fine. It was so big. It was real big. And so beautifully divided between brown rice. It really was. Because the other rice ramekin is like the soup bowl.

So to give four people white and brown rice is eight small ramekin. So they're just like, nope. Also, beef chinks make so much rice. Right. Yeah, they were probably emptying out some of their rice containers in the back. I like that, though, in like a Chinese restaurant

to get like, you know, because I always would rather have more rice and rather just air on the side of extra rice. So I like that they didn't skimp. It doesn't cost them anything. And it's nice for the customers. I agree. The sesame chicken last night, this is how I would describe it. It's like, because we were talking about like places

to get Chinese food in this area in Los Feliz and not to give away where everyone knows where I live. I think they know my address now, sadly, for the show. But no one cares. No one showed up ever. No one's ever showed up at. Your piece of shit. Now you're going to hopefully put out.

You got to remember. Thank you, Emma. Trash, you know, I'd give your address way. Have I ever fucking visited your place? You don't want to drive to Santa Monica. You never do that so far. You take a bird scooter there. I picture like two of those, like the to take one

and carry one with you. I picture like the Rapunzel Castle in Natalie's stuck at the top. You live in an apartment. It's a normal apartment. I thought last night like the sesame chicken was like better than a lot of takeout, like shitty sesame chicken you get at a not great Chinese food restaurant,

but like not better than very right down the middle. Where if I got it, I'd be like, all right, it's fine. But I didn't hate it. And I didn't love it. Agreed. Desserts, we got two of them, but the banana spring rolls. These are warm, crispy bites of banana with a caramel vanilla drizzle and just pointed out

was a coconut pineapple ice cream. It looks like a vanilla ice cream on the plate, but it does not taste like it. Man, that really bumped it up for me. Yeah. And then we also got the Great Wall of Chocolate, which is a registered trademark. P.S. Chang's is a great name.

Yeah, it's fantastic. It's insane. Yeah, and that's just like a gigantic six layer chocolate cake with a bunch of chocolate chips on the outside of it. I think it has some raspberry sauce on it. Oh, yeah, it does have some raspberry sauce on it. And then also, Nick, tell them the calories of the cake.

1,700 calories in that cake. 1,700, it's really big. It's super big. They're all meant to be like shared dessert. Right, they're meant for parties of four to six to share. If you ordered that piece of cake for yourself, it would be like the scene from Matilda, or like they're forcing the small boy to eat all of the cake.

I liked the cake. There was one bite where I had it, and I was like, eh, and then I had more of it. And once you got to that, once you got to the chocolate layer, it was very good. I thought the desserts were very good chords. They're both fine chain restaurant desserts. I think for me, the desserts and the cocktails

were like the standouts. Yeah, it might have been. I mean, I think your guys' cocktails were a little bit better than Mitch's, but the apps I thought were also good. I think probably the entrees were the nadir. But I thought the banana spring rolls were nice. I liked the coconut pineapple ice cream quite a bit.

I liked the crunch of the spring roll aspect of it that surrounded the banana. Yeah, but I had one, and then I was like, I don't need to have more. Yeah, you don't need to have more. I mean, they have six of them, and I think it's one per person for a party of six. You don't need to have a lot of it.

They were fun, too. They're a lot of fun. Yeah, I think I would have eaten more of them if I had not eaten so much more of the meal before. I would have like, I like the banana spring rolls a lot. I think they're good. Well, what brings us, it brings us to just two things. I guess we'll talk about this, but we should talk about this

now, but one thing that we were talking about is that where is the place for a restaurant like this in our world now? Yeah, it's kind of going away. And it's so weird that like 10 years ago, I would think of that as kind of like, oh, it's a fancier sit-down place. And now you almost think of it as kind of like hokey, not

like whatever. Yeah, totally. I mean, I think that this market share is definitely dwindling, but I also think like, you know, I think like, I don't, I would not roll my eyes if I was like in a different area and someone was like, we're going to go to PF Changs for dinner. I'd be like, yeah, cool.

I bet that's like a good option if you don't have like a bunch of mom-and-pops. More than a lot of other, I mean, because it's still like there's good variety. They rotate out their menu a lot. Like it's like, I think they like are down to change. They do. And I think like, that's pretty good.

But yeah, I mean, it's hard to tell. I mean, like, I do think this is like a bubble thing where like in LA, I'm like, why would I ever go to PF Changs? Yeah, right. I do think it's one of those things though, where they are having a little bit of identity trouble deciding what they are. Because I think based on like what we all just said,

the drinks are restaurant-ish, I'd say like above fast food for sure, as are the desserts. And I would argue as are the apps. It's the main courses that have felt and do kind of still feel to me like Panda Express level, but not as specified. It's like the fast food part of that restaurant. PF Changs was frequently rated on like,

best fast food restaurant lists. And it would make them like upset because it was not what they were branding to be. But that's what they would be ranked as. And I think that's like right for a large portion of their menu. You saying that right now, I'm like, I feel like I maybe prefer Panda Express

aren't chicken over any of the main dishes we got last. Which is crazy. Certainly the price point it's at. Which doesn't surprise me because my introduction too, before I worked at one, because there are none in Santa Barbara, it was Peiwei, which is their like counter-service Panera version. Yeah, Peiwei is great.

Peiwei is great. And their menu is not, it's like way pared down, although they do have some different stuff. Yeah. Like Mongolian chicken is on the menu of Peiwei where it's not at PF Changs. And I think they lean, they have like a couple more Thai options

and a couple more like, yeah, I think. That's cool. But for you on the PF Changs menu, there's like Pad Thai and like two curries or something like that. But I feel like there's like a Thai salad. Maybe there was a salad. I didn't even look at the salads.

Nevermind, this might not be real, but that's what I'm feeling when I've gone to Peiwei because it's like a big one when I'm down in Orange County. Yeah, but like in my brand, and we'll get to the ratings, but I put Peiwei above PF Changs for sure. Just in terms of like what I am wanting to go into a restaurant to get

and what I'm getting for like what the whole thing is. We got to go. We got to go take a trip to Peiwei. Oh yeah. Yeah. Have you ever had it? I've never had Peiwei. It's pretty solid.

And we'll go to Rusty's too. Yeah. We'll go to, we'll make a weekend out of it. We'll go to Rusty's. We'll go to Orange County and swing down to Santa Barbara. Just a quick job. I think it's a Peiwei in Culver City actually. We don't need to discuss this.

I'm not going to. I'm going to say the other thing that I was going to say. Zach and I both felt, I was sick in a weird way that I never even, I felt like I had the flu last night when I was going to bed. I felt so weirdly sick. Right.

Sick to my stomach. Just like sick in every, I felt so weird. Mitch, I felt okay going to bed. I woke up at five in the morning with a pain that I can only liken to the exactly the same as when I had appendicitis. Not too long.

Oh my God. I was on the floor of my bathroom for a little bit. That I, That's awful. Like thinking I was about to throw up. That's what I, I almost thought I was going to throw up. I really thought I was going to throw up and I was like in that, like, like when,

you know, when you're nauseous and sick and you're just like in that moment where you're like, Oh no. Like I was like, I was doing over and over again, just laying in bed with Wally and Irma going, Oh no. I don't know if it's like you and I threw drinks into each other's mouths like a couple too many times

because it does not seem to have happened to the two of you. Yeah. No, I was all right. But it was bad. It was real bad. It was bad for me and I was, and I was like, I was like, maybe I am, maybe I have the flu. I was like, I'm going to wake up tomorrow sick,

woke up, felt fine. I mean, felt all right, but, but, but like, felt like I do. Whenever I wake up, but like it was weirdly, I think it was a food reaction and it was, and it was strange. Yeah. It was strange.

I did not, I mean, we ate a lot. There was a lot of food. We ate a lot of food. Right. And I will say for me, like I had not eaten that much in a while. Right. I was not there to sample all of the foods.

I was there to eat large portions of all of the foods in a way that I had. That was probably my smallest meal that, that week. Right. I also heard down at the saloon that there's a case of consumption going round. Oh, Pasadena. Oh, Pasadena.

When the rattlers bite you, you get yellow and scarlet fever. All right, let's get to that. Oh, that's right. We did get bit by rattlers. We did get bit by rattlers. That might have been part of it. Let's get to our ratings.

But as we do this, we have our fortune cookies from last night, which we did not open. So I was thinking we'll do this. Wally knocked one to, actually Wally knocked two to the floor. So I'm going to take the one that's broken and there was another one that was broken to give it a deck.

We can, we can each begin our ratings. You want the, you want the Wally, the special Wally? Do you guys have, do you guys have rules for when you read and when you, I was taught weirdly, like you eat the entire cookie and then you can read. I don't have that rule.

I was, I was heard you have to eat, you have to eat half the cookie and then read that truly. Well, I was never told anything at all. All right. I mean, my fortune is, uh, Nick, Nick just reads the fortune. This is just a fun fact. You'll find a hand-painted mural in each P.F. Chang's

restaurant. Each one is unique. All right. It's a waste of my time. Okay. Here's my actual fortune. You will surprise yourself tomorrow. Whoa. I wonder what that's about. Maybe I'll surprise everyone tomorrow. Hey, thanks for making that joke.

Is that a threat? It's whatever you want it to be. That's all it came out. My fact is the P.F. Chang's kitchen starts the day extra early, hand-folding dumplings, wontons and egg rolls. Whoa, that's cool.

It's every kitchen, but okay. Wait a second. Mine is, a happy surprise will arrive in the mail. Are you mailing me a surprise tomorrow? These are all interconnected. Unabomber Junior. Unabomber Junior. I can say, it's hard to say.

My dad kind of looks like the unabomber. Mine, my P.F. Chang's fact is the best way to start your meal at P.F. Chang's is with edamame or dumplings. Okay. And mine is, Nick Weigher will show up at your house tomorrow. No. An attempt at something new will be incredibly rewarding.

Whoa, okay. Wow, what a surprise. Mine says, beware of rattlers outside of the P.F. Chang's and old Paschadina. Oh no, at P.F. Chang's, each hand-painted original mural tells a new story. I think that's the same one you got.

Yeah, it's the same one. My fortune, which Wally knocked down to the floor, sounds like, it sounds like I have to take action against Nick, because my fortune just says, you will know what to do. In bed. Whoa! Right, there's no way that's a right fortune for Mitch.

You will know what to do means that, once his podcast ends, I have to snap your hand. Wow. Can't believe these built-in compelling narrative. Let's get to our final thoughts. Wait, hold on, what type of fortune is that? I don't know, it's bizarre. Yours is the best.

It's good. I think yours is the most about you as a person, and those are the fortune sign joy that are like, all the ingredients are already inside you. You're like, you're right. Yeah, it's like, I want the answer. I'm like, you won't know what to do. I don't know.

I don't know shit. That is the answer. You will know what to do. That's like something an NPC would say to you in Breath of the Wild. They're just sort of like giving you like a little bit of vague guidance and, you know. Non-playing character.

There you go. No? Non-player character. Okay, sure. I mean. It's close enough for comfort. Yeah, yeah. That's why I said that, and not, no.

That's a weird thing to say for NPC for Zelda, because they're not described that way, and that's just like a video game term, correct? NPCs? Yeah, it's just a general video game term. There's one in Jumanji. Yeah, that's right. Wait, the new Jumanji.

Oh, yeah. Nick, you made this thing, you tried to make it more relatable by saying comparing it to Zelda? Is that what was your idea? Yeah, for you. I was trying to make it more relatable for you. That's a world you just immersed yourself in.

That's true. That's true. All right, here's my thoughts on PF Changs. I think they should dial back the Pan-Asian aspect of it, because I think it puts them in that Jack of All Trades master of none trap. And I think the, you know, I think they really like their bread and butter

is these Chinese inspired dishes, these Americanized Chinese dishes. I really feel like they should just like sort of go hard in that direction, and just be like a place that does, like you know, that does not try to be the cheesecake factory of Asian food, but try to be this place that does,

you know, really good Chinese dishes for an American crowd. And also, you know, nails the other aspects of the, you know, that the craft cocktails they think are working pretty well and the desserts, which are fun. Again, the apps they think are working for them. I think they got a lot of stuff going for them.

I think the atmosphere is nice. I think our particular experience was perhaps hampered because we just didn't have enough servers on the floor. But overall, I think they do what they do pretty well. I think they could just make a few adjustments and really dial it in. PF Changs is a three and a half forker for me.

I think that's where my ratings is going to be. Mitch, let's go to you. I'm surprised that you went through, I thought you would maybe go higher. I thought I was going to be, maybe be the holdout on the Golden Play Club. You thought I was going to go four. I was considering four,

because it does do what it's trying to do pretty well, but I just feel like the entree is in particular where uneven enough and unimpressive enough where this wasn't like a place where I'm like, like, oh, this is a standout. Well, when you tell the story, it's that sort of thing where I was like, it sounds like kind of like

the Hollywood corrupted version of a restaurant where it was this cool restaurant up in San Francisco. It got brought down here, it was a restaurant in Hollywood, then they turned it into a national chain. But that's not even true because it was successful. It seems like they do, they did care about the food or do care about the food.

Right. It was different, right? Because the first chain was a different restaurant that still exists. They were just like, let's do another restaurant. Yeah, oh yeah, that's right. But it just seems like, I don't even think of it as like a weirdly corrupted,

it's not, it was a place that was popular, it was a place that people enjoyed. There was one in the transportation building of my dad's, my dad worked in the transportation building of Boston. And there was one downstairs and I was like, so I always had like, oh, it was like a place I would go once or twice and it was nice.

And I thought the food was good. And the times I've been before, I thought that the food was decent quality and the lettuce wraps are good and there's good things about it. I agree, just, I just don't know what, I just don't know, like for like decent level Chinese food, like the entrees we had last night,

I just, I don't wanna sit down and have that. Like I want something, I need something better than that. I do, I need better entrees now. I'm with you, I'm with you. So I'm gonna go 3.75 forks. Wow, okay, three forks three times. It's close, I just, but I also feel like this is one of the places I feel like

my score is gonna go down as time goes on. Like, and like the things like with the drink, I'm like, I could have been harder on it, but I've had it before. I know the drinks are better than that. I know the apps are good. I think the entrees are like, you guys are, I think you kind of nail it.

The entrees are just fine or, or painted express quality. Right, so by the way, I wanna preempt this real quick. Any trolls in our mentions gonna give us guff because we're rating this out of forks, is it out of chopsticks? Just back off. We get it, okay? We know that was an option.

Chopsticks would be crazy because like a set of chopsticks is too, are you saying rated out of like eight chops? Like what is that? Yeah, what is that? What is that? What are you talking about? That's you trolls.

Go back to the, under the bridge. Also we had to get chopsticks from another table. That's true. They gave us forks, so that's what we're gonna rate it. Right. I could, I could be like last night's experience, like they're like the, but I also felt that there were two servers who were serving a lot of people.

Yeah. There were some, but then the highs were pretty nice. The appetizers were nice. I thought they were good. The desserts were good. We had a good time. I will point out at that time that those two servers were almost certainly

simultaneously breaking down everything in the back because we closed out that PF change. Yeah. That's crazy. All right, Jess McKenna, go ahead. We did close out that PF change. I agree with everything that's already been stated. I think, I agree that,

I think the Pan-Asian trend feels like 12 years old. Right. And I think, I understand its original impulse where it's like the average diner doesn't know have or have that much exposure to Thai food or to Vietnamese food, maybe. So let's like give them one dish on this menu and that maybe they can sample multiple Asian cuisines.

But I think, I mean, that it's pretty prolific now. I mean, like a lot of places across America have Thai food and Vietnamese food and you know, and Chinese and Japanese food. Right. And I think where most places there's like greater distinction between the different cuisines.

So I would like to see them like lean harder into giving me like, like, there's no duck on that menu. You know, like- Yeah, that would be fun. There used to be, is there not anymore? I don't think so. I didn't see any duck. And I think, yeah, like the entrees are the weak point.

So maybe like if you weren't having to also make Pad Thai and also make sushi and also make like, you know, dishes that are a different flavor profile, you could really like, I think also they need to like push the seasoning. You know, the orange chicken, I mean, the orange shrimp should not taste the same as Kung Pao shrimp.

Right, yeah. But I think, yeah, my cocktail was delicious. I had a blast with that banana spring roll and that ice cream really blew me away. And I think like overall they're checking a lot of boxes. So I'm gonna go three and a half forks. Three and a half forks, okay. Zach Reno, former PF Chang's employee, take us on.

I was so ready to come in here and just throw down two forks. So here's my question. What is like a two fork restaurant? Whoa. Has anything gotten that? You know what? I'm already in my head.

I'm like, I was too, I can't believe I was too nice. I thought I was gonna go lower than all you guys. I thought I was gonna be the low guy. I'm surprised it wasn't affected by your like illness. That was my question. Like Mitch, you came in here like with a restaurant that made you feel ill and came in above three, which is like the median, right?

I feel like I wanna, I feel like I should move my score to at least three and a half. I wanna like PF Chang's is I think more what it is. Yeah, you can ditch one time because you got physically ill. Sure, three and a half. And now we're all on the same page,

but like you're right, I didn't feel well and the entrees were just kind of down middle of the road. Yeah. Zach, I'm looking through our archives for a two fork. Here's the problem is that Mitch and I like all these places. Sure. So we don't have a lot of two forks. We gave the ESPN zone, Mitch gave one at 0.75.

It's now closed. Surely deserved it. I gave it one. And yeah, I mean like a hometown buffet was like a one forker. So, you know. For sure. Which I mean, it could be a two fork. It's all based on you.

It's not based on us, it's relative to you. I was gonna say like when I was leaving yesterday, my thought was like, I'm gonna give this three forks. This is a middle of the road. If it's one to five, then it's like the very best of a chain restaurant and the very worst of a chain restaurant. This is middle of the road.

I was ready to give it three. And then it made me feel just so, so sick. So I think I'm gonna give it two forks in three times. Two forks, good. Very fair score. And I will say like, and it would have been three if I had not felt ill. But also I'm wondering like, is that not fair?

Cause it's just so outside of my eating habits. Cause I agree with what's been said. The drinks were good, some of the apps are great and everything is fine. So like- I think like, I think you guys usually talk about like five, you gotta go back. Four, excited to go back.

Three, would go back. Yeah, yeah. I would go back here. I mean, I've been back. I've been here before and I chose to return. And not just for this podcast. I mean, like it's a fine restaurant, depending on where you live,

it may be the best option for this type of fair. And it's a relatively upscale place that- Cease. Yeah. Okay, well let me put it this way. I'm okay being under two, I think for the sole reason that since I have worked there, I have not gone back and I have had in my house

two gift certificates to that rent. I could eat there for free and I have not gone. Who gave you those? My uncle, who's very nice. Oh, that's nice. Also gave me a year-long past in Universal Studios, which is great. Very nice.

A lot of people don't want to eat where they once worked because there's just like, oh, I thought too much. That was the gifting was like, yeah, here's $100 to the place you used to work. I know, that's why I think it's funny. I don't think it's like, I think it's a nice gift to anybody else. I just would be like, I wouldn't wanna go where I work.

I might see the people I knew. That's a kind of gift though. It's kind of adorable, right? It's very good. Because you understand the thought process, you're like, oh, that's sweet. I feel comfortable with my rating given that you guys are kind of on the other side

of the scale that evens it out. And we're in the same general vicinity. We're ballpark. Yeah, that's, it's good. I think that that's probably, see the thing is three, you're right. I would go back. And the half is is that I kind of am rooting for

for some whatever dumb reason. And two, I would sometimes wanna go back if someone brought it up. I'd go, I'd be fine. I think it's because of the bright spots. There's just a couple of bright spots that are like, oh yeah. Right, might want to venture to a different location

other than, oh, Pasadena though. That whole mall was a ghost. It's bizarre. A bizarre. It was hilariously a ghost town. It was an old-timey ghost town. You could hear the whistle through that flaming steakhouse. Oh, we had a good conversation about outside

if you jumped off where we were. Yeah, would you die? Would you die? Would you just break your legs? I think I would get, I think I would have some sort of, I would be permanently maimed. Yeah. I think I would injure myself,

but I would never want to say that. Honestly, can we talk about that? Why would you have to take care of me? I just, we're podcasting partners. The door was hard to find. It was very insane. It's down a hallway. It's crazy.

This location, but it definitely made it a little bit. You have to go into the restaurant before you get to the door. It's, it's, you had to walk through the patio. There was a sign that was like, please go to the main entrance, right, but it was past that sign. It was like, that's the way you're supposed to go. I don't think, I don't think you would die.

I think you would break your leg. You took a photo of the height. Are we gonna just dig into this now? I don't think it's an interesting thing. It is interesting. I think it's, I think it's hard to communicate exactly how high this was. It's pretty high.

It was pretty high. I don't think it's, it's high enough where you would certainly die. Well, you took a picture of it. We'll put it online. Okay, we'll put the picture up online. Hashtag live or die. That was our review of PF Changs.

It's time for a regular segment. I've got some chain restaurant trivia and Mitch and Jess and Zach must guess what's food fact and what's food fiction. This is fake choose off book edition. I'm Nick Weigar. I'm Nick Weigar. I'm Nick Weigar and I'm Nick Weigar.

All this and Andy Rooney tonight on fake choose. All right. Jesus. Oh man, I really love that. Oh, it's very good though. So in honor of our guests, we've got a music based quiz. I got a few, we were talking jingles earlier. I've got a few forgotten fast food jingles

from a bygone era. These are from the 70s. I'll give you a chain. You guess which option was their actual 70s jingle? All right. So everyone will take a guess. I love it. We just keep scoring in our heads.

All right. First up, back in the days of disco, Wendy's had a catchy diddy and a commercial starring comedian, Jonathan Winters. Was it hip to be square or hot and juicy? Ding. Go ahead, Mitch. Is that how we're gonna do this?

Yeah, we can just ding. And sure. I know that hot and juicy is what they say, but I'm gonna say hip to be square. Mitch is going with hip to be square. Ding. I'm gonna also say hip to be square. Ding, ding, ding.

I'm also gonna say hip to be square. Well, the answer is. Oh, the joys of a family dinner at Wendy's. Hot and juicy. Oh! Hip to be square was a Sesame Street song that I liked very, very much. I was so sure that it was...

Because of the square patties. It seems like a well-written question. Yeah. You're a loser. All right, next up. Hot and juicy. Isn't hot and juicy still their thing? Yeah, it is.

They had one. That's kind of why I thought it wouldn't have been a thing for the past, because it's still there. All right, not about... That was good, Weiger. Goose eggs all around. Next up, Taco Bell is taking some big swings with their commercials over the years,

but in the 70s, they had a good old-fashioned jingle. Was it, put a smile on your face, or take your taste buds on vacation? Ding. Go ahead, Jess. Take your taste buds on vacation. You gotta go south of the border. Oh, shit.

That's good. But, ding. Go ahead, Mitch. Put a smile on your face in the interest of taking the leap. Mitch is going on. Absolutely. Put a smile on your face. Zach?

Yeah, I think... You got a ding. Ding. Oh, sorry. Mine doesn't work that way. Bing, bing, bing. I'm gonna go take your taste buds on vacation. Let's see who gets a smile on their face.

Uh-oh. Put a smile on your face. Whoa! Is it because it's a smile shape? I guess so. It's crazy how not at all Latin this jingle is. Oh, he goes... Taco Bell.

Yeah. Gospel. Right. That's great. I love that one. All right, next up. We have all gotten Subway's $5 foot-long earworm stuck in our heads.

But was there a 1977 jingle, make tracks for Subway or full foot of flavor? Those options, make tracks for Subway or full foot of flavor? Bing, bing, bing. Go ahead, Zach. Very badly to be make tracks for Subway. So that's what I'm gonna go with.

I gotta, ding. I gotta say full foot of flavor. I think that's what it is, but I want it to be the other one. Ding. Oh man. What do you think, Mitch? I'm gonna say make tracks for Subway

because it seems like a little wider. You're being a little tricky. You're being a little forest nymph and you're being tricky. Well, let's see who's... We'll be fucked, Jared, by the way. I'll say fuck you, Jared. That should have been their 1977 jingle.

You weren't just born, but fuck you. Let's find out what the answer is. If you re... Nothing beats a Subway. When you're hungry, make tracks for Subway. Oh my God. Wow.

Jess. I'm dying. Don't worry, one's gonna be worth like seven points. I was almost sure you were gonna be ready. That's so good. What's the score? So is Mitch, are you in the lead? Yeah, babe, wow.

He has one and I have zero. Two, one, zero. Mike Mitchell with the advantage. All right, a couple more questions. Carl's Jr. and Hardy's are now known for their signature charboiled patties, but it was a novelty back in the day. Was this Hardy's jingle introducing the charbroiled patties dressed to grill

or the taste that brings you back? Ding, ding, ding. It's gotta be the taste that brings you back. The other one is too good. The other one is using your current writer sensibilities. Ding, I gotta go, the taste that brings you back. But just because Hardy's is a, I feel like it feels more Midwestern and Southern,

just be like, yeah, you wanna come on back? Right, I understand the logic. What do you think, Mitch? I'm gonna say, Ding, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna go with you guys. I think it is taste that brings you back. I really hope we're all wrong. Everyone is right.

Yay. Yay. We feel so close. It's taste that brings you back. It's taste that brings you back. I really hope it brings you back. This is Hello Dolly. It is, it very much is.

This is literally, no, it's not very much. It's literally, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. Like they would have had to get the rights to Hello Dolly to do that song. Well, I love it. I think it's an improvement. All right, three, two, one. You think it's an improvement?

Yeah, I think it's better. Sick. Hello Dolly. Mitch in the lead, Zach just behind with two points, Jess with only one, cannot actually take the lead, but can move into second place. Depending on this. This is the last question?

Yeah, depending, or moving to a tie for a second, depending on this one goes. Finally, McDonald's has, as I said, some of the most memorable jingles of all time, but in 1978, what was their catchy company song? Was it served with a smile or we do it all for you? Wow, this is tough. Wow.

Oh. We do it all for you. For served with a smile. Or served with a smile. Man. Ding, ding, I gotta go with we do it all for you just because it sounds less likely. And I'm trying to think of 1978.

I can't put gas in my car. Right. Jimmy Carter's my president. Yeah. And I think that like served with a smile might be too, too sweet and saccharine for a post-NOM world. Yeah. The Iranian hostage crisis is going on.

Right, so I think it's like you can't trust Nixon. Wow. You can't trust, but we do it for you. Everyone's excited for this Argo movie that's never gonna come to theaters. That's right. That was a great breakdown. Yeah, I think that's fair.

And I was gonna, for the fun of it, was gonna go served with a smile, just even though I do think it's the other one, should I do it just because it will be fun? I'm gonna do. Oh, okay. All right. Then I'll do that.

I'm gonna go. I'll go with you. I think it's going with me. I think it's served with a smile. I think that I think it's served with a smile. That's the end of that thought. And I mean, it's a very much. It's a very McDonald's thing is the McDonald's

makes the smile with his fingers. I think it's really likely that it's served with a smile. It just feels like let's go big right now. Yeah. Let's see who's smiling now the right move. I don't know. Oh, we do it all the way. Hey.

Ford 422. 422. Hey, you know what? It's a tie. Off book ties with Mitch. Everyone's a winner. That's right. It takes two of us to make one break.

Physically. You piece of shit. That was fake juice. They might be under, actually. Just like a restaurant, we value your feedback. Let's open up the feedback. And we have a voice mail today on our audio feedback hotline.

Let's take a listen. Ooh. Hi, this is Edward from Fort Worth, Texas. And I was just wondering, what's your favorite place to eat in Walt Disney World? Or Walt Disneyland and why? Bye. Ooh, good question.

Thanks for the question. Great question. There's no Walt at Disneyland, but you're a great man. Yeah. Thank you for your question. What do you guys think? Anything to two lifelong Southern Californians? Any answers there?

Yeah, I mean, the thing that pops out for me, depending on what the weather is, but if it's like a colder weather, in terms of something that you can get really fast, I think it's really solid. Their clam chowder and a bread bowl is really good. Hell yeah, over New Orleans Square. Over New Orleans Square.

That is fun. I will also say that you can't ever go wrong with churros or popcorn, but that is not meal, meal, meal. So I'm gonna, yeah, clam chowder and a bread bowl, get it. Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, killer answer, killer answer. That's a good one. Can't fight that at all.

Yeah, I freaking, I love a churro. That's my number one must have. I can't leave without it. A thousand percent agree with you. So good. Growing up, we used to always eat, we like always had lunch at either Hungry Bear or Pinocchio. Hungry Bear is great.

But I- Oh, Pinocchio is the one we have lunch at as kids too. And Pizza Port had it's, had it's- Mitch is nodding so smugly at this Pizza Port mention. Had such a nice time, but I felt it fall. Yeah. And now I'm much more into the, I like the offerings of the boozy

or California adventure side. That's a lot of fun. That Carthage Circle restaurant is very fancy and delightful. And there was a great thing at the holidays where they had all these holiday pop-ups. But that's not the end of this question. I just like talking about Disneyland. I think my, oh gosh, my go-to, man that,

that's such a good answer, Zach. Hey, thanks. Also- All I need to clarify, it is the New England, cause they have both, right? They have New England Clam Cheddar and Manhattan Clam Cheddar. I know they have New England Clam Cheddar

and they have Gumbo. Okay, then I just wanted, I knew there were two. There's two, yeah. It is the Clam Cheddar. Yeah, they're both great. I think that there's a, the Mexican restaurant by Big Thunder Mountain is a hidden gem that I think a lot of people don't.

That place ain't half bad. Partaken. Yeah. And you get like a lot of food on like a nice plate. Gosh, I just, I don't have an answer to this. I just love so many places. You've given plenty of great answers. Oh yeah, you've given great answers.

That's a good intel. You can't, I can't get it down to one. One of my, and Nick was mad that you said pizza because when pizza port was going away, there was a big thing. No one cares about pizza port. I like pizza port. I don't understand it.

Well guess what? Just like Pizza Port too. It was fun when it was first there. Like it was especially closer to the Toy Story and like. Space Mountain. Yeah. It was fun when it was first there when you were eight.

It's good theme park pizza. It's great theme park pizza. You're being too hard on pizza port. I think there's a lot of better options at Disneyland which is a pretty good food park for an amusement park. Pizza port, you get a slice of pepperoni, a slice of cheese, get some salad if you want. But I'm with Jess.

When I get in there, one of the first things I'll do, churro, regular cinnamon churro and I'll do a Coca-Cola. Yeah, so good. Oh man. You know what? This is not Disneyland proper, but if you're at Disneyland,

you go outside of it into downtown Disney. They got a rainforest cafe. Not anymore. Not it's gone. Oh no, what did that happen? It's gone. It's gone. No, and we have to do it so we're pissed off.

But there is a Tiki bar over in the hotel that's pretty fun. Yeah, the Tiki bar is awesome. Yeah, is it? Wait, it's Trader Sam's, right? Yeah, Trader Sam's. I would say the seat will, if you order a head shrinker and if you're on the right seat,

your seat will shrink. Right, very fun. Like you'll go down to the floor. That's great. Yeah. That's great. Mitch, you just got the face shrinker, right? God damn it.

You know what? My answer is, I didn't get my full answer by the way. All right, please. I wonder if it'll be the same as mine. Brown Derby in Walt Disney World. Okay. Which is right, kind of close to my house.

Well, whatever. I don't have to give you where the hell I live, but the... The original, you mean? It's not the original, but it was one of the Brown Derbys. Right. It is now, what's it called? This place right up here on the... Is it Mess Hall?

Is that what it is now? Mess Hall, thank you. Yes, Mess Hall is now what we're around. This cool gastropub now. It used to be this iconic like Hollywood legendary restaurant. Brown Derby is, and that's the home of the Cobb salad. I've set it on here before, but if you look up the history of the Brown Derby, it's an interesting place.

And that's in Walt Disney World, is one of the few left, I think. So that's one, but then besides that, you know what? I just tried the place outside of Space Mountain that's not a pizza port, but it's like the place where you just get like cheese burgers and stuff like that.

Oh yeah, that Tomorrowland station. Yeah, I thought it was pretty good. It's a fine, it's a fine stand. Yeah, it's fine. And then when I was younger, Epcot Center had a lot of cool spots, and they had like basically like in Japan, they had like a Hibachi place.

Yes. That was really cool. Yeah, those Epcot offerings I dream about. Yeah. There's so many good options at Disney Parks for Food. I'm gonna zero in on two. The character breakfast? Not the character breakfast. Although I have gone with my niece

and we had a lovely time. Had a great time. I really like the Bengal barbecue in Adventureland. Great place to grab a quick bite. Those skewers are good. They're not super unhealthy. They're a little lighter and you can get them very quickly.

They come out fast. The other one I'll say, gotta get a Dole Whip. Yeah. Oh yeah, Dole Whip. What's been a cool day? I can't believe I forgot to say it. Dole Whip is great. I knew it was something that's a favorite of yours. I thought you might say it,

but that's a thing you and I are on the same page. Oh man, a Dole Whip. A Churro and a Dole Whip are must haves if you go to Disneyland. Absolutely. Hey, if you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at Dole Boys Podcast or Gmail.

Fuck. It's an at symbol, not an or symbol. Dole Boys podcast at gmail.com, nothing down. Or leave us a voicemail at 830 Go Doe. That's 830 463-6844. And to get the Dole Boys double or weekly bonus episode, join the Golden Play Club at patreon.com slash Dole Boys. Zach, Jessica, the podcast is off book.

It's on Ear Wolf. It's great. It's so good. Check it out. There's an episode we were on if you guys want to get your point. Episode 32, Picket Lime Pals with the Dole Boys. It is wonderful. So great.

It was a real hoot. Thank you so much for making time for us. Anything else you would like to plug at this time? Nah. Nah. Hey, that'll do it for this episode of Dole Boys. Until next time for the Spoonman, Mike Mitchell, I'm Nick Weigher.

Happy eating. See ya. Hey guys, you want more Dole Boys? To get the Dole Boys double or weekly bonus episode, join the Golden Play Club. Sign up at patreon.com slash Dole Boys. Do it. That was a hate gun podcast.