Doughboys - Panda Express 4 with Matt Kowalick and Holly Prazoff

Episode Date: June 26, 2025

Matt Kowalick (@mattkowalick) and Holly Prazoff (@hollypraz) of Screentimers join the 'boys to talk parenting, carnival eats, and kids' meals before diving into a review of Panda Express Cub Meals. Plus, a drank or stank with the new Sprite+Tea.Stick around after the episode for a bonus segment with the writer and artist of the Doughboys Comic Book, Alex Firer and Fred C. Stresing! Get the Doughboys Comic Book at beourkids.comWatch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSources for this week's intro:https://history.state.gov/milestones/1969-1976/rapprochement-chinahttps://www.history.com/articles/nixon-china-visit-cold-warhttps://gwtoday.gwu.edu/50-years-later-richard-nixons-historic-visit-chinahttps://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/07/nyregion/the-pandas-richard-nixon-obtained-for-the-us.htmlhttps://nationalzoo.si.edu/animals/history-giant-pandas-zoohttps://www.pandarg.com/about-us/timeline.htmlSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to youtube.com slash doughboysmedia. On February 21st, 1972, President Richard Milhouse Nixon began his historic visit to the People's Republic of China. The week-long summit, which began the road to normalizing relations between the two superpowers following two decades of non-contact, transformed global trade and geopolitics. And it also birthed the phenomenon dubbed Panda Diplomacy. In the aftermath of Nixon's tour, China gifted two giant pandas, Ling Ling and Xing Xing, to the

National Zoo in Washington, D.C., immediately making them the Smithsonian's star attraction, the Mu Dang of their day. The next year, Chinese-American immigrants Andrew, Peggy, and Ming-Sai Cheung opened a sit-down restaurant in Pasadena, California named for the Chinese bear species that had quickly become a Yankee obsession. The Cheung family opened a takeout version of the concept a decade later, and that mall-friendly spin-off would grow to become the largest Chinese-American chain in the country. Upon Nixon's death in 1994, a strain of revisionism took hold, rehabilitating Tricky Dick from exiled pariah to flawed man who nevertheless merged a modernizing

domestic policy with the escalation of Cold War global conflict. Sure, he loved getting drunk and saying racial slurs, and also was responsible for killing countless civilians. But come on. And it doesn't hurt that the Watergate scandal, which abruptly ended his presidency, looks positively quaint by modern standards. Remarking on his landmark visit to the People's Republic, Nixon said, quote, This was the week that changed the world. Even for a man prone to self-mythologizing, this was not hubris. Nixon to China reshaped the trajectory of that century

and the one that followed. And it also gave us pandas, and indirectly, their namesake fast casual Chinese American chain. This week on Doughboys, we return once again to Panda Express for the kids panda cub meals. Panda Cub Meals. ["Doughboyz Theme Song"] Come on! Oh, it's the Doughboyz. Doughboyz Doughboyz.

Doughboyz. Doughboyz. Welcome to Doughboyz, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Tiger Weiger, along with my co-host, You Shall Not Fast, Gandalf the Gain, the Spoonman Mike Mitchell. Wow! You know, you knew, I mean I'm starting my, is that is that the, because I'm starting a fast? Mitch, this is incredible timing that this worked out, but no this was not, the the roaster had no way of knowing that

you were gonna be starting a fast of course course. OK, so wait, what? Why did, why, I don't get it then. I think they're just. Just say, I can never fast. Yeah, you shall not fast. I need to eat a burger. I think that's the idea. My eyes creaked open this morning,

and this was my first thought of the day, which is truly fucked up and a sign my life is in shambles. It hurts to be mean to Mitch, but this is the format you have created. OK. Ethan, from New Zealand. Oh. The home of Gandalf.

Wow. How about that? Big pick. The home of Gandalf. Wow. How about that? Big pick. Big pick. Big pick. That's how, to try to get between the Australian and New Zealand, you say backpack.

Backpack or big pick. Big pick, yeah. The New Zealanders, the Kiwis say big pick? I think that's what it is, yeah. Big pick. Mm-hmm. Big pick. Yeah, that's very interesting, yeah.

Roastitbirdfuck.com. Yeah, that's very interesting. Roast at birdfuck.com. Yeah, that's very interesting. So when a Razor's trying to sex somebody, they send a big pic. Ha ha ha! Geez, we're off to a shitty start. Ha ha ha! Hey, down there in New Zealand,

they're a day ahead of us down there. They already have heard this episode. This episode's already out. Uh... Hey, down there in New Zealand, there are a day ahead of us down there. They already have heard this episode. This episode's already out. It's already out there, yeah. It's Friday. It's Doughboyz Friday for them, I guess. I guess so.

Wow, I didn't think about that. Did they get Doughboyz on Friday? If you're in New Zealand, is Doughboyz on Friday? Taking it right into the weekend. Yeah. That's pretty, that's actually pretty cool. That's actually pretty cool. Yeah. What day of the week do you get, Doughboys? Let us know on our social media. It's either Thursday or Friday. Hashtag DoughboysDay. There's no Wednesday. There's no one who gets a Wednesday.

Yeah, I don't think anyone gets it on Wednesday. Is there any time zone that is back in time? I guess like Hawaii is behind us. Well, it's all relative, yeah. So there might be a Wednesday time zone. Patreon technically gets it Wednesday nights. That's okay, so some people do get it Wednesday. Some people do get it Wednesday, yeah. How many hours behind is Hawaii from LA? Five, six? Three. Three.

Our guest has mimed three to us. Are you confident in that answer? Yeah. And if you were in... I believe you, I'm just like, I would, yeah. My parents lived there. Wow. Yeah. And if you were, I did not know. My parents lived there. Wow. Yeah.

And if you were, I did not know that. If you were in Inglorious Passage, you would pass the test too. The three test. Oh right. Yes. Yeah. Do your fingers go to, is that a fat guy thing? How come my fingers don't go down? Do my fingers go all the way down?

Mine don't. Is that normal? Uh. Don't give me an incredulous look. Learn how to bend your fingers. I can't do it. It feels a little awkward for me, though. For our audio listeners, we're trying to make the three digits

out using your thumb as one of them. My pinkies don't go down. Yeah, ring finger and pinky. They stay up. So cumbersome for me. I have to push my finger here. I'm going to tell you this. It's the most pain I've ever been in my entire life.

Wow. Ever? So link these fingers down. I think ever. Wags, before we started, you diagnosed me with draculitis because the lights are what? It goes just to the punch line without the setup. You can lose a lot of magic. You said you were sensitive to light,

and I said you maybe have Draculaitis. Yeah, I have Draculaitis. It was good, I was complimenting the joke. It's funny that you said I had Draculaitis. Yeah. And I think you asked, honestly, I mean, late nights, I'm an insomniac. That's true. I like the night,

and the light is bothering me. I may have Draculaitis. Guy, can you imagine if you had to like, put out the effort to like find somebody to like, you know, suck their blood for sustenance? Can you imagine what a pain in the ass that would be? Oh, it would be a huge pain in the ass. It would be so annoying.

You know, like lure someone to your manor and you got to like, you know, give them a feast or whatever. And then you got to like wait till they go to sleep and then you sneak in there and you get, you know, bite into their neck. It's like, there's so many steps involved. I'm wondering if I would feast on one of our guests. That's, uh, don't worry. Yeah.

But then also, would he be around for, does that mean he'd be immortal? Ugh, God. I forget how it works. Never mind. Then you get stuck with more Dracula's. Because you can make another, a second Dracula, but you can also, like, just suck them, right?

You just suck them off, and then you're just, you you can also like just suck him, right? You just suck him off. And then you're just sustained, right? Cause like, does that just kill them? Or can you just take some of their blood? I think you can just take some of their blood. Okay. I just, I texted my doctor and I texted my doctor and he just sent me a prescription for garlic.

So. So. So. So. And he said that there is a Draculaitis test. There's like a mirror test too, I guess. Oh, that makes sense. If you can't see yourself in the mirror, that might just be a sign.

Yeah, yeah. If you can't see yourself in a mirror, you just might be a Dracula. I thought you were going to say you might have Draculaitis. Oh, you might have Draculaitis. You might have Draculaitis. You might have Dracula. Oh, you might have Dracula. You might have Dracula. You might have Dracula. You might have Dracula. If your mode of transportation is becoming a bat, you might have Dracula. You might have Dracula.

You might have Dracula. You might have Dracula. You might have Dracula. If you don't want a steak in your belly, and especially not a steak in your heart, you might have Dracula. Wait, why wouldn't they eat steak? I don't think they eat food, right?

Wait, is that true? Yeah, I don't think they eat or shit. But it depends on the canon. Half of that's not bad. I thought you meant steak, like a steak in the heart. Yeah, that was the idea. Okay, great. Kind of saying it both ways.

No more toilet paper, I mean. It was a little, it was a little cumbersome. I guess you wouldn't need a toilet at all, I guess. If you don't need a toilet, you might have Draculaitis. There's a little bit of an A to C. I think we were plumbing over some guy's house. He's like, remove the toilets. I was like, wait a minute.

You can just keep the toilet in case you have a guest over. They might need the best of shit. Dracula, come on. What a fucking Frankenstein, or, you know. I'm turning this room into a podcast studio. The acoustics are going to be horrible in there. It's a bathroom. I'm taking all the tile out, putting it in carpet. Wow, should we do an episode from the bathroom? I actually do love that idea.

It would be very, very echo-y if we did it in the bathroom. We could fit in that bathroom, I think. The rule is, if you have to go, you have to go in that bathroom while recording. Oh, God, that's horrible. The bathroom breakdown's way different. I don't want to do that. I don't agree with that. I don't want to do that. while recording. Oh God, that's horrible. That's a breakdown, it's way different. I don't wanna do that, I don't agree with that.

It's just maybe me watching you take a shit. I don't want that to happen. I like the idea of this Dracula pod. Yeah. Today's guest, Theo Von, welcome to the show. Just Dracula listing off conspiracy theories. That would be fun. Anyone can have a podcast.

Everyone should have a podcast. That's how I feel about it. Mitch, I agree. Why not? Why not? We used to be stage actors. We used to go up on the stage. We did?

Tread the boards. We were, like, every night there'd be people on their feet cheering for us on the stage as stage actors. I never thought of myself as a stage actor. You were a stage actor, it's the truth. Because I did, like, sketch some sketches. Yeah.

That makes me a, this guy's a stage actor? Yeah, you're both stage actors. All of us. Yeah. Yeah. The stage don't like it. I mean, I'm sure a lot of stage actors don't like it, but you're both that couch. You're stage actors.

Well, I don't know. Over here, we are stage actors. Yeah, of course. That I can buy. I just never thought of myself that way. I acted in things by necessity, because that's just like you're doing sketches. What does that mean exactly?

You acted in things by necessity? Well, you wrote something. And just like, well, the easiest way to realize this is if I just act, I just play this role, you know what I mean? So you're, okay, so you're looking at this as like truly writerly man now. Yeah. In hindsight, you're saying you were just a writer man

who was forced up on stage. I mean, not forced, obviously, I was choosing to do it. Yeah. But I was like, this is like a means to an end. This is the way I have the sketch. You're a stage actor, you were up there, you're doing a good job on top of it. I don't think myself as a stage actor. Well, that's nice of you to say, but I don't think

of myself as a stage actor. Ah. Maybe I could be though. Ha ha ha. Well, whatever you're doing, it's fine. You don't have to act ever again. I don't care what you do. Mitch, I'm fine.

Let's do a production of True West. We'll trade roles. John C. Reilly and Philip Seymour Hoffman. I mean, I love it. I would love to do that. Dope Boys Presents True West would be very funny. If we just did a straight up True West. Dope Boys are on tour, but they're doing True West. I like this idea.

I love it. Are we gonna play a drop because we gotta introduce to introduce our guests. I think the guest on my couch is getting mad at me. But I'm always mad at you. Yeah, that's also true. Wigz, we've got to get to this drop. Yes.

Look what came in the mail for me today. Wow, your Nintendo Switch 2 Pro Controller. How about that? That's right. When I'm playing Switch, the Nintendo Switch 2 Pro Controller gives me more control of the game. So you can't use an old Pro Controller with it? You can, but it has like, it doesn't have all the,

there's an extra button. And then also you can't take- Wait, is that true? I could've used the fucking- But it doesn't have the extra button. I don't give a shit about the extra button. You also can't wake it from sleep. If you don't want it, I'll get it,

cause I don't have one yet. I will buy it off of you. No, fuck you wake it from sleep. If you don't want it, I'll get it. Because I don't have one yet. I will buy it off of you. No, fuck you. It's mine. Mine. Give me, give me, give me. No, no, no, no, no. I was hoping that that was kind of like a,

I was just testing out an ad for Nintendo to see if they were all. Yeah. I sort of got what you're doing, kind of like an ad on spec there. I think you just got a toss in a promo code or something. Promo code... dough. (*both laugh*) Emma, let's hit him with a fucking drop.

(*both laugh*) (*sighs*) I'm gonna say something that's very controversial. No, no, no, wait a minute! Breakfast burritos, overrated. Stop, right, stop, stop, stop! Oh, I guess this is going to be- Maybe it was gonna be fucking controversial!

The dough boy. Our national disgrace, ladies and gentlemen. It's controversial. They're horrible. Breakfast sandwiches, stop. Oh, I guess it's gonna be like this. I told you it was gonna be fucking controversial. The Dough Boys. Our national disgrace, ladies and gentlemen. It's controversial. They're horrible. A breakfast sandwich is better. Breakfast burrito. They make you feel like shit. Mike Mitchell.

I let you talk zip it. I'm talking about, I'm saying to you. The Dough Boys. They are trash. Horrible. We deserve better than this. Talking about this no more. This ignorant.

I'm so done! Look. Let's go to break, go ahead. My question is, there are athletes named Mike Mitchell. They must have gotten Stephen A yelling about Mike Mitchell at one point. Yeah, it's a nice bit of clip polling. Way too much work for way too much work you did there.

I mean, I like it. It was a good job. Maybe our future president, Stephen A. Smith. Good app. So the drop is Stephen8Smith. Fun. As horrified as Stephen8 is about the Brecky Burrito take, horrible.

Thank you for choosing podcasting as a rewarding career path. You are enjoyed. That's nice Always listening in Astoria, Oregon Wow, how about that say their name I guess because they didn't include the name but a Lot of fun Maybe I'll just say okay boomer their names boomer Is it? Yeah

That's fine Wait, is that what is is it? Okay boomer is yeah Yeah, I think from how old is that meme now? is that what it is? Is it okay boomer or is it? Yeah, I think from how old is that meme now? I feel like it's like a five year old meme. Okay boomer, I don't know. They don't even know it. It's about as old as the boomers. Yeah. They don't, I mean, there's a lot of stuff, we can't, we can't just go off of them.

They don't know, they don't know, they don't know, they don't know shit. Okay boomers started in late 2018, early 2019. God, man. Those are the days. Jesus Christ. That predates the pandemic. People were saying, okay, Boomer, before COVID-19. Yeah.

Kobe Bryant was still alive. People were saying, okay, Boomer. That's wild. Jesus. Eight years, so eight years ago, what was it? 2007, 18, it was seven years ago. Yeah. Hmm.

Three years into this podcast. Jesus Christ. If the best man at your wedding was a Frankenstein, you just might have Draculatus. Where's the toilet? He's breaking down walls. Imagine a wedding no toilet. Oh my god, what a nightmare.

What if I set out an invitation to a wedding and say no toilet wedding? Just so you know, we're doing a no toilet thing. So like, if you have to piss or shit, you gotta do that before you come to the wedding. There is an open bar and all you can eat chili. No toilet. I don't know if chili makes me shit more than, oh, we should get our guests in here before we start talking

about this. Then what? Then like regular soup? Yeah, I'm not sure if I'm eating chili. I'm like, oh, I get to shit more than like, I mean, I think that for me, it's more so just spicy jalapeno-y food. That's what I think. Because I was like, OK, it can be spicy, not always.

And it often, again, not always, but generally has beans. Now, our Texas listeners, maybe our Texas guests will dispute that, but chili with beans is a common thing. So I think if you're having beans and spiciness. This guy doesn't fucking know. He doesn't fucking know. His dad used to pick him up and walk him around the neighborhood.

This is a joke we used to make. Daddy. And then you would pick him up and walk him. Remember, we used to do it. My legs were tired. Drops at birdfuck.com. Mitch, I pick him up and walk him. Remember, we used to do that. My legs were tired. Drops at birdfuck.com. Mitch, I do want to introduce our guest. I want to mention one thing real quick.

It is Doughboyz the comic book launch week. How exciting is that? That's right, Wags. Wow. The Doughboyz comic is out. A lot of you have it already. Others of you who have ordered it, it should be on the way.

But stick around after today's episode because we have a bonus segment with the comics writer, Alex Fierer, and our artist, Fred Seastressing. So that's a lot of fun. We talk with Alex and Fred for a little bit. That'll be at the very end of this episode. Please make sure to listen all the way to the end for that. Wags, 100%. We're very excited.

We're very excited about the comic book. Yeah. And you know what? The first issue is great. It's very, it's, I'm looking for, I was gonna say something too, and I can't find the fucking note I wrote. Do you wanna say to the end

or do you wanna try to find it now? I'll save it to the end, I guess. Okay, great. Let's introduce our guests. Good podcasting. You know, whatever. Speaking of good podcasting, Mitch. Speaking of good podcasting.

Our guest host, the podcast Screen Timers, the only pro-screen time parenting podcast, Matt Kowalik, Holly Prazov. Hi, Matt. Hi, Holly. Hey. Hi, guys. Thanks for having us. Thanks so much for making time for us.

Yes, thank you for being here. Let's talk kids because this is a parenting podcast. What are our kids' ages at this point? If we want to disclose that. I know parents are sometimes coy about these things. Oh, yes, I'll tell anyone. Yeah. Mine's five and a half.

Yeah, mine's six and a half. Five and a half, six and a half. So the same general age range, do your kids co-mingle, are they friends, colleagues? Her kids a year older. Yeah, we've just said that. But they're friends. Well, yes.

Yeah, I feel like we kind of sometimes meet up at a park so we can talk. That's fun. And then our kids will kind of be like, why don't we play? What do we do? Yeah, our kids aren't good at like playing together yet. Yeah, but I do think that we're getting there.

Oh, that's fun. When your child was born, OK Boomer was one of the most incredible memes we had ever seen at that point. It's very true. It was my kid's first words. OK Boomer's at birth? No, like when she started talking. Oh, OK.

The meme had been around for a little while, so she was familiar. That makes the most sense. Yes, yes. My former roommate, I must say. That's right. Matt Kowal. I wish I had a kid when we lived together.

I mean, it would have been fun. Yeah, you and I raising a kid. I also think I would have been respectful. I would have worn headphones or something at night. I would have stayed up late still. Right. But I would have been, I think I would have been respectful. You could have taken like night duty.

Yeah, no, I mean, yeah, sure. Actually, I would have, I would have done that. I think I, yeah, sure. Actually, I would have. I would have done that. I think I would have, for sure. Well, I always thought too. I want to let you, but you could have. I would have been great. No, you're fine.

I mean, we've made you aware of this, but my husband and I, Joe Wengert, have discussed that if anything ever happened to one of the two of us, Mitch would step in to sort of take over as one of the parents. I would be honored, and I think I would do a great job.

We did research and we thought, who would be the best? OK. And it turns out it's Mitch. Mitch and Jemmy. It just is funny to see me with a little kid and I'm covered in food stains and the kid is clean and fine. OK. OK.

Koala, we lived together a lot. And I think we did OK. We did great. I think we did great together. We did. Do you remember that there was a porno site we lived together a lot. And I think we did okay. We did great. I think we did great together, we did. Do you remember that there was like a porno site we lived together, do you remember that? No. Just when I hear the phrase we lived together,

I always think of like, oh, there was that old porno site, we lived together. I never visited, do you want me to check if it's still functioning? Yeah, see that URL's still alive. Welivedogether.com. I don't know if it was just that, but I think maybe the account was called we lived together, I don't know if it was. I remember the I think maybe the account was called We Live Together. I remember it was. I remember the craziest thing.

I remember when we first moved in, there was that high pitch in the pipes. Oh, right. I just thought that was you, by the way. Aqualix in the drywall again. And then they called the guy to come, and then the guy that came to look at it was deaf. Yeah, he was. No.

So it was like, you can't even hear the problem. It was a troubling situation where he could not hear the issue. Right, yes, yeah. It was complicated, I guess you could say. But he fixed it, and it wasn't ghost like you thought. Amelia's just scrolling through welivedogether.com. Jesus Christ.

Don't look at, yeah, don't look at porno on the headgum wifi. It does still exist though. It's a lesbian porn site. Okay, so still there, got it. Little did I know that I would have loved to be deaf for the next five years of living with you. Ah.

Would have been fantastic. No, you next five years of living with you. Ah. Ah. Would have been fantastic. No, you know what? That's not true. You played a lot of, you would play a lot of great music. He had a record player, and you would play some, you know, Take Me to the River by Elton John. That got in my rotation because of you,

and you were playing Second Hand News by Fleetwood Mac. And there's a lot of good songs that I learned. And you were, rest in peace, Brian Wilson, you were Big Beach Boys. I'm a Big Beach Boys head. Yeah. Yeah, we give Koalik a lot of guff on the pod, yeah. Now the only pet sounds I hear every night are Wally and Irma. Really good.

Yeah. We can go and stop down with that. Pet sounds, yeah, listen to it every night. Meow. We give Koalik a lot of guff on the podcast. I thought glad we stopped down with that. Yeah, pet sounds, yeah, listen to it every night. That was great. Rrroww. We give Quallic a lot of guff on the podcast. I thought that was fantastic. Personally. I did, Mitch, I did like it.

All right. I complimented you on it. All right. I just thought that was very damn good. It was very well crafted. Nicely deployed. I'm dealing with some heavy brain fog over here, folks. That's pretty damn good.

God, you fucking assholes. Mad at the straw man? No one's good at sizing. Always mad at the straw man. You got a... I'm not mad at the straw man. I'm mad at the straw man. I'm mad at the straw man. I'm mad at the straw straw man? Always mad at a straw man. You got a, you have, you're a man with good taste in music, good taste in film.

I think of you as a scholar of cinema. I've always felt like you're watching and talking about interesting movies. Yeah. Yeah, disagree. Okay, so I want to ask a parenting question, which is, I'm always curious about this. You have kids, how does your own diet shift?

Like, are you eating worse? Are you eating better? Are you more conscious of your child that you're caring for when you're preparing meals? Because it's got to affect every aspect of your life. Well, I feel like the myth that I was told, and maybe it is for some people, I have no judgment, was that like you would be eating your kids' leftovers.

Oh, sure. And like, I don't do that. I don't want like slobbered junk on a plate. Yeah. So like, I don't eat her leftovers. And I feel like the only annoying thing is, is that when you don't have kids, sometimes you can be like,

this meal is crackers and something, you know what I mean? But I feel like there is this pressure to provide a meal three times a day. Wait, what do you mean your meal could be crackers and something? Like, you know, like, girl dinner shit. You know what I mean? Like, yeah.

Oh, right. Yeah, I get what you're saying. Yeah, because I like, I would sometimes be like, hey, I got a scuba egg salad and some like leftover fried rice. That'll just be a meal. And like, but I would not feed this to a kid. I know, but I'm just, I'm just talking about like, that's what I got on hand. I'm going to eat. I know it's disgusting feed this to a kid. I know, but I'm just talking about, that's what I got on hand. I know it's disgusting when I'm describing it.

I mean, that one's specifically just roughly the wrong way. I'm sorry. Scoop of egg salad and leftover fried rice just seemed like a weird thing. Because it's just like, hey, this is what I got. Whatever, it's just me. I don't give a shit. I'll be a fucking pig.

I feel like you can't do that as much. But I don't eat her leftovers. I would say my controversial hot take on kids and food is if I go to a birthday party and there's not enough cake for me to eat, why am I there? You know what I mean? Like, sorry, provide a cake for me.

I like try to beat some of the kids to that cake. Oh yeah, me too. I hate it. I'm telling you, because you watch the kids get the cake. I've been to parties where there's not enough cake for adults and you watch the kids lick a corner of the cake and then be done.

And you're like, I would have eaten that whole thing up. Yeah, that's annoying as hell. And also, I do wonder if this is with kids, like if the little kids are like, here, eat this. I'm like, I don't want your little booger food. You know what I mean? No, I never eat it. Yeah, yeah.

Kids can be gross. I mean, I think that's eat it. Yeah, yeah, kids can be gross. I mean, I think that's a thing we know, you love them of course, but like, if they're slobbering on food, I don't know if I wanna eat the rest of their food. No, you're gonna get sick. Oh, yeah, oh yeah. They're gonna have a cold or something.

You get sick constantly. And they're gonna wake you up a hundred times and wonder why you're not feeling well. It's the worst thing to be sick when you have a kid. Yeah. And you get sick from the kids a lot. Yeah, all the time. All the time. I eat a lot of the time. Yeah. I eat a lot of the same stuff over and over again

because I show you my kid only eats certain things. So I eat a lot of salmon, sweet potatoes, and rice. Wow. That's, I like that. So I eat, I guess, pretty healthy. But then also, she does love McDonald's. There you go. It's like her old man.

It's daddy's girl. Yeah, it's daddy's girl. Yeah, like my kid is all like, I love pupusas. And I'm like, it's not something we're eating a lot at home. But like, that's a thing. Man, what a difference from when we were children. Mint leaves. Yeah.

Mint leaves? My kid just eats like flour. She's like, I ate flowers today at school. And I'm like, okay. She's like, can you eat tree sap? I'm like, you shouldn't. Hey dude, that's what maple syrup is. Well, not at school.

The shitty playground tree. It sounds like a kid goes to school in the forest. There is, by the way, preschools that are called the forest school. Wait, really? Oh yeah, dude. There is no building, and the kids use like a camping toilet.

That's wild. That's wild. That's crazy. And you pay a lot of money, I bet. Yeah, you do. Well, I mean, I don't know how much you pay, but like, all of it's expensive. A lot. But like, I never, I didn't want to send my kid.

My friends sent her kid and I was there one day when she came home from school and she looked like a chimney sweep. Like, she was covered in dirt. Oh, right. From head to toe because they were just playing outside. Yeah, I remember from being a kid of what a dirty kid I was.

I was like, that was fucking disgusting. I can't believe it. And I'm very hygienic now. But then I'm just like, oh yeah, children are gross. They're just always like absorbing, you know, whatever dirt and mud they're playing around in. Grass stains. My friends always reference that I had a pasta stain

on my lip growing up. They were like, you're always a kid. Yeah, it's a classic kid. Classic fat little boy thing. But I wasn't fat. I was a thin little boy. What, growing up? They were like, you're always a kid. Yeah, it's a classic kid. Classic fat little boy thing. But I wasn't fat. I was a thin little boy. Oh, that's right. I got fatter over.

I got fat by middle school. I started the journey of beautiful golden locked boy. I was. Koala is right. I was a little golden locked boy. And then we had the argument over, you did look more like Kevin McAllister. I'll give it to you.

But I was like, I was like Kevin McAllister. And I don't think anyone ever thinks that I would be a little blond, a toe-headed boy, but I was. But I was always a pasta stain kid. I was always a stain, and I think it's carried over into adulthood, but I have a mustache to cover it up now. The ring of juice kid, I feel like, is a big thing.

Yeah, that's what the purple, like to me, I think the purple, the purple mustache. I think anything you can stain on your lip, I had a stain. Did you have constantly untied shoes? Yeah, still. To me, I think of purple, the purple mustache. I think anything you can stain on your lip, I had a stain. Did you have constantly untied shoes? Yeah, still. Okay, yeah.

I was at the doctor's office, they're like, your shoes untied. I was like, yeah, I know. I fucking give a shit. They were like, that's your diagnosis, go home now. That's where I got diagnosed with draculitis. Do you, oh sorry, go ahead. I was gonna say, shoelelaces not an issue for children.

They don't make a lot of tie shoes. Like my kid does not know how to tie shoes. Velcros or slip-ons? My kid does not know how to tie shoes. I'm thinking about getting back into Velcro. Do it. I just think laces, I mean now that they have the slip-ons. What are we doing with laces?

It's not, they're not worth it. I'm moving to Mars. We don't need laces on Mars. But you can tuck your laces. We have the Mars stuff. Yeah. Someone's been following you on Mars for too long. Mars is the future. Uh...

I, Mars is the future. You're at Qualic. We gotta keep him off the ship that transports all the cheese. (*both laugh*) Have you ever done that? You're saying that kids' birthday parties aren't fun, We gotta keep him off the ship that transports all the cheese. LAUGHS Have you ever done that? You're saying that kids' birthday parties aren't fun, but you're never eating the cheese off the pizza or something like that? You never have fun with all the food you get

from kids' parties or what? Oh, a lot of kids' parties, they have really shitty spreads for parents. Yeah. I could, I would, I wanna start a podcast where I just critique everybody's kids' birthday. I love this. It would be brutal though. Make it as a part of your show, you should.

Actually we should. That's a good idea for a segment, yeah. Cause I'm very harsh. I want a shady seat and food that isn't cold pizza. And then you've won me over. Yes. And sometimes for some parents, we also want alcohol. That's fair.

Yeah, I can understand that wanting that release, wanting to just get like, hey, my kid's occupied in the bounce house. Let me just get drunk for once. I get that. Yeah. For once for the first time ever. I mean, that was the thing. Because we grown up, like, as a kid,

we would have block parties and would always be just like seeing the dads and they would get like shitfaced. And like, to me, I'm like, they don't do that. Why don't they? Like, every party I went to as a child, there were always moms and dads drinking, I feel like. You know what sucks now though, is birthday parties, we used to just get dropped off.

Now, all the parents come to the parties too, so you don't get to just like drop your kid off at a party. Why is everyone doing this? What's happening? I don't trust anybody anymore. Well, but that's gonna change. As our kids get older, there will be drop-off parties. Not for me.

I'm going to everyone. As our kids get older, there will be drop-off parties. Not for me. I'm going to every one. The high school ones are going to be, fuh. This guy has been following Elon a little too long. I am Koalix plus one, Weiger. We're here for my daughter's high school party, the two of you together. We're here for the beer bash.

Yeah, as you get older, I mean, that is a thing. When I was younger, I've said this on the podcast, I would just walk home from school. And this is, my sister was in fifth grade, I was in first grade. I was in first grade, a baby, basically. And I would just walk home with my sister from school. It was like a group of kids, but it was like,

and now when I go by, like, not only is the elementary school just a line of cars of parents. In Quincy, where, look, like, I get to LA as a big city. In Quincy, Massachusetts, I'm like, your kid is fine walking to and from school, but the middle school does it too. And even the high school, there's cars outside of the high school.

I'm like, this is so weird to me. Like, when high school got out, when I was in high school, there was no parent waiting to pick. I'm like, this is so weird to me. Like, when high school got out when I was in high school, there was no parent waiting to pick up their kid. I think you would get made fun of. Yeah, I would take the subway for 45 minutes back home and then find a coffee shop that I could smoke at for three hours. Wow.

Yeah, because I walked to school. Cool as hell. Anyways. I walked to school every day in elementary school. Or a Canadian brand cigarette you were smoking. What's your brand? Benson and Hedges. See, some weird fucking Canadian brand.

Or Belmont Miles, did they have this year? No, no, neither. Those are my brands. Wait, what was your, what is your hometown? Well, Toronto. It was Toronto, okay, I was right. I would walk to school every, exact same age gap, Mitch. My brother was in fifth grade, I was in,

my half a brother Nate was in fifth grade, I was in first grade and we'd walk to school together and then I walked to school every, exact same age gap, Mitch. My brother was in fifth grade. I was in, my alpha brother Nate was in fifth grade. I was in first grade and we'd walk to school together. And then I walked to school every day as a kid in elementary school and they took the school bus through middle school and high school. So yeah, it's the long line of SUVs dropping off and picking up kids with some parking attendant guiding everything.

Like that's like a relatively, that's a thing that happened within the past 10 to 20 years. I feel so bad for the crossing guards. I know, yeah. Their lives must, the quality of their lives has probably gone down this. They're being replaced by AI. Man.

Why is their life worse? Because I think that they just have to deal with fucking annoying parents every day. We're like, meh, like is my kid ready or whatever? I just feel like there's. I guess so, but at least everybody's in a car. Yeah, they don't have to actually do anything. Well, I bet you it's also that scary thing

if there's now 100 cars waiting and then you had to get one kid across the street as opposed to multiple children. The cars are much more lethal now. Yeah. Like SUVs are like the height for like child killing. It's basically, if you look at pedestrian deaths, they have gone up so much in the past 20 years,

as cars have gotten bigger. Oh my god. And quieter. And quieter, yeah. The cars are quieter now, too. You know, I've only ever had a sedan in my life. I've only had two cars. Yeah.

And I probably have said this millions of times. Two Nissans my entire life, two Altimas, and a sedan. I never had a bigger car than that. I don't need a child-killing car. No, thank you. It's true, yeah. I do. Give me one of those. I don't need a child-killing car. No, thank you. It's true. I do.

Give me one that will just fuck up the child really badly, I guess, with my Nissan Altima. I think that's all I need. I don't need a big boy. When I look at pedestrian fatality statistics, the thing that jumps out at me is that the biggest day of the year. And this is like a daily thing? When is this happening all the time?

I mean, it's the thing I'm curious about. I always look into transportation and infrastructure and car culture and all that sort of stuff. Nick walks in the door from the podcast, hey Natalie, you know what I was going to look at? Yeah, pedestrian fatality, numbers. Big jump on Halloween. Oh, yeah.

And you just think about it as like, oh, that's really depressing. A lot of kids are just mowed down while trick-or-treating See a fucking wolf man in front of me And that holds up in court I thought it was a wolf man Free to go In fact you get a medal of honor for killing the wolf man You get a medal of honor for killing the Wolfman. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And like in Eagle Rock, it's crazy. A lot of fatalities. No. And it's Matt doing all of them. You're in my way, man. I'm trying to get my candy.

But like it's crazy. It's very scary to drive around there on Halloween. Wow. I wanted to ask about some more Toronto questions, because we were up there for Toronto last year. I want to hear more about the cool Halloween thing, but I was Googling Crypt Keepers birthday. No.

You might as well leave that window open. I feel like he's a Libra. Let's see. Oh, wait. It's not. I thought this was a joke, but the Crypt Keepers voice actor, John Casir, celebrates his birthday on October 24th, one week before Halloween.

Wow, that's spooky. I mean, is it? It's one week before. I know, but still. I mean, like, he's like, you know, he wanted to be there for Halloween, and you know what I mean? That makes sense. Right, yeah, it does make sense. Yeah, it is there.

It absolutely doesn't. We were up in Toronto for, Mitch was working there last year, shooting Twisted Metal season two, coming soon, Mitch. Twisted Metal season two, I just like that there's a fandom page for Cryptkeeper. Gender, male, family, the Enoch family and the Marina family. Is this the wiki? Occupation, Cryptkeeper, actor, storyteller, crime, murder,

torture, and fraud. So he's guilty of status alive, which I feel like doesn't really really matter. I was going to say also, if he's an actor, you're an actor, dude. Why does that make me an actor? I'm just saying. I think if the cryptkeeper is an actor, you're an actor too, Wags.

If the cryptkeeper is an actor, that makes me a stage actor? I put you guys in the same category. Yeah. Similar laugh, too. Hey, we do have similar little laughs. Status alive, Fate. This is funny. Fate continues to do storytelling.

Oh, there. There's no actual, there's nothing on his actual birth. When's your birthday? August 28. Very close to Halloween. It is pretty close Yeah, look look here though October 6th October 16th Wow February 8th Wow Wow Aquarius very should have a shared birthday Amelia. What's your birthday?

September 29, a week before Mitch's. Wow. Hell yeah. I'm like, you're the Halloween to my cryptkeeper. Aw. Or the other way around. If your best friend's the cryptkeeper, you might have Draculitis.

All right, so we're up in Toronto. Mitch is shooting Twisted Metal season two. That's right. Coming soon. Vroom vroom coming soon. Vroom vroom coming soon. That's the tagline. I didn't., now it is.

Is that really? No, but I, I mean no, they did a lot better. By the way, when Amelia said, Coming vroom is pretty good. Oh man, when next time I post the thing, should I put coming vroom? Yeah. All right, that's good.

When Amelia said you guys should share a birthday, you went pretty silent. I don't like celebrating my birthday that much. I don't either. Yeah. I don't like celebrating my birthday that much. I don't either. Yeah. I'm a birthday agnostic. Yeah.

And then what happens if you're like, I don't celebrate my birthday. You like to celebrate it up. Then your buddies like, oh, but we gotta, it's your birthday. And they wanna like kind of bully you into, pressure you into celebrating. Jesus Christ.

I shouldn't have said bully, but they wanna. You bully me into stuff. During COVID, I had a drive by, you know this, Koala, to Weiger's, for his 40th birthday, I had our friends drive by Weiger's house, and he couldn't even be more mad at me. This was during COVID. No, I was just confused.

He's like, why are they doing this? It's your birthday. It's your 40th birthday. I was having people, you know how it is to be like, guys, come out and surprise Weiger and drive by. You all drive all the way out to wherever the fuck you live, it's a fucking seven miles away, and you drive by. That all drive all the way out to wherever the fuck he lives, fucking seven miles away, and you drive by and then-

That's the only thing I really know about you, really, is that you live far away. I do live far away. Yeah. And then you're driving by and he's just like, putting, this is the response you get from him. It's this. It's this.

He's all fucking mad. But you know me. Yeah, I know you. Look, I'll never make that mistake ever again in my life. I thought it'd be a nice thing that people were like, hi Nick, we know you. Look, I'll never make that a mistake ever again in my life. I thought it'd be a nice thing that people were like, hi Nick, we like you. It was a lovely gesture, but I was disoriented. And I think just like surprises in general,

I process and I like, I don't know what's happening. You know what I mean? We had a, you had to sign some sort of paper for, I forget what it was. Oh yeah, that was the other thing. We had the, yes. You said, I'm coming by with tax documents. Yeah.

And. I think we were suing Yousong or something. That's what it was, we were suing our old producer, Yousong. And he, like, you were coming by, so like, that's what I thought you were, that was the priority. So you get there and you have the,

and I'm just like, where are the tax documents? Like, I didn't get that it was a misdirection. You were ready to do business. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, he had his business brain on. And a suit on. Why is Bart Mania here? Why am I getting all these birthday greetings when I could

be signing tax documents, you fucking bitch? But you don't like to celebrate your birthday. You're not like a big birthday person. Do you do anything? Yeah, usually, because it's like, people haven't seen each other for a bit, because it's after the holidays. I will usually have a dinner that everybody comes to.

Oh, that's nice. That's fun. But I organize it. Sort of low key, yeah. I'll come to the next one. Yes. No, but... It's girls only.

That's fun. Wait, is it really? Yeah. That's fun. Yeah, so yeah, I tell Joe to stay at home and watch the child. I don't want him there, I want just my girlfriends. Wow.

Hey, I... I can't come, but can Majina come? Yes. Majina. Majina can come, and everyone will be very happy to see Majina. If I'm Mrs. Doubtfire or Bertha, if you're like, we know it's you.

Why are you doing this? Oh, yeah, you know every single person there. They'd be like, no, dude. OK, so we were up in Toronto last year. And it was my first time. I had a lovely time. I thought it was a great city. Loved taking the choo-choo. Like, no, dude. Okay, so we were up in Toronto last year, and it was my first time, I had a lovely time. I thought it was a great city, loved taking the choo-choo, loved walking around, great food up there.

You worked at a, our buddy, Alana Johnson was selling us this, you worked at a funnel cake shop on the island in Toronto. What's it called, Center Island? Center Island. Center Island. Yeah, and it was a museum park, Centerville. Centerville.

And yeah, I made funnel cakes for like three summers. Wow. What was that like? It was, OK, it was like they would hire like 250 16-year-olds. Oh my god. To like run this amusement park. Yeah. I'd want to do that with Doughboys.

Hire 200 for why? It was very fun and very terrible all at the same time. And basically I left the job because a family, like two sisters and a brother who worked there, I one of the sisters was working at the funnel cake shop. And this might surprise you, but I took it a little seriously. And she came back like 20 minutes late from her break

and I was like, you can't do that. And then her family, like, who all worked there, were like, we're going to kill you. Oh my god. So and then I left. I quit. You got threatened with murder? Uh-huh. Yeah.

Wait, really? Mm-hmm, yeah. And they did end up at the end of that summer. They, you had to take a ferry to get to the island, right? So they were waiting at the ferry docks for other people who still worked there. And I think they beat somebody up. Oh my God. So like, it was so much fun.

Like you could make out with everybody, but then also people wanted to beat each other up. That's crazy. In Canada? We can get kind of nasty guys. Canadians, I've lived up there, you're all, I mean, I knew this already just from meeting Canadians and being, and I mean, the moment I met you,

you gave me a hard time from day one. Yeah, I've been emotionally beating you up for years. Yes, every Canadian, you, the knife, everyone who I, every Canadian I meet immediately can just see right through me and are like, can see right through me and immediately are like, can get to like bully me. They know that I don't have confidence

and you all can see through it right away. I'm not saying it's funny. I like it, but being up in Canada, you're all weirdos. Yeah, it's true. It's a very strange place to be. It feels like it's like- Very funny people. Very, very, very funny people.

Yeah, I mean, I don't live there anymore. You can say whatever you want. It feels like a heightened, a heightened U.S. in some ways. It's like, it's like both like a, like a, and you know, it's both classier and trashier at the same time, if that makes sense. I love it, Wags. The extreme ends expand a little bit.

I mean, look, governed better. I mean, it's a better place to be, especially now, I would say. Yeah, better infrastructure. It seems like the city is cleaner and more of a community, at least the time I spent in Toronto. But you can still get beat up for a funnel cake. Yeah, sure.

Yeah. But no, I also, I told you, I also like, it was at the same time that they told me they wanted to beat me up, I got cast I told you, I also like, it was at the same time that they told me they wanted to beat me up. I got cast to be the spokesmodel for Center Islands Amusement Park in a commercial. Wow. So they cast me and then I quit and I was like, I'm sorry, I have to quit. Like, will you still let me take the job if I don't actually work there?

Because they wanted to hire an actual employee. Right, like the Chipotle ads are over the top. Yes, exactly. My cow Charlize Theron works at Chanel. Exactly. Yes, that's right. Thatize Theron works at Chanel. Exactly. That's right, Koala, that's exactly right. I'm very impressed by that reference, but they did say I could continue to be the spokesperson

for the amusement park. So you're like 16 acting in this commercial? Charlize Theron is my hall pass. From who? From your cat. That's so cool. That's cool, Mitch. She's my hall pass.

That's funny to need a hall pass when you don't need one. So you have a, you're 16, you're acting in this commercial. Do you remember any of like what you said? Do you remember what the spot was at all? At the end, you had to go, but remember, you have to be this tall or this tall. And like, yeah, I moved my hand up and down. That's fun.

Yeah. I bet you knocked it out of the park. Thank you. I'm sure you did. And I also remember it was of anything I've ever shot for the last 20 years, it was the best food on set. Really?

There was like a man grilling ribs. What? And it was like the best. It was my first real commercial, so I was like, is every set like this? Yeah, right. And it's like, no. No, not at all.

No. Wow. I had some great, speaking of great Toronto food, what is, what's the thing where it's out on the little island there and then they have all the, they have a big food hall and it's like carnival and bullshit like that? Is that what you were just talking about? I don't know, what are you talking about? There's like a thing where they're...

You took a ferry? No, I took the train there and it's like, oh god, I forget. This is on Center Island, what we were just talking about? Is Center Island an actual island? Yeah, you have to take a ferry there. Oh, I did take, me and Micus, we took a, we took like a water taxi out. To the island, yeah.

To the island, okay, yeah, I didn't step, I didn't get on the island, but that's where, that's where you were? Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow, that's cool. So what are you talking about? I'll find out what it was called. There was a food hall up there.

Are you just gonna Google where I go? What's up? What's up? Where I go, food? Do you have any Canadian, I guess, I know this is ground we've covered on your previous appearances, but I do want to like dig in again if there's any Canadian chains you wish were down here,

or you like a Swiss chalet hand. Swiss chalet hands down, yeah. Yeah, Swiss chalet is great. It's only Swiss chalet hands down, yeah. Yeah, Swiss Chalet's great. It's only Swiss Chalet, really. Really? Yeah, that I dream about, because I don't get that very often. Right.

We went for spring break to Vancouver, which is like on the other side of the country. And it's like not, I'm not from there. We just like, it was an easy flight, and my kid wanted to go away somewhere. And like, I Googled like, where are the Swiss Chalet locations in Vancouver? And they're like, no, they don't have any.

They don't have any. And I almost was like, I don't think we should go. I don't think we should do this. I love the A&W Canada, that's my favorite. We went. Yeah. But, oh no, we didn't end up eating it, my kid did, but yeah, we did, because A&W is actually more popular

on the West Coast. Of Canada, interesting. But you liked the mama burger and the papa burger. Uncle burger. Yeah. The team burger. The CNE. Oh God, okay.

What is the nickname for it? The exhibition, the X. The X, they call it the X. Did you have the little donuts? I mean, I ate so much food that day and there was so much good stuff. You know what I loved was there's like an ice cream cone place that they have like a hot cone and then they put the ice cream in it

and I forget what the name of it is, but I'll look it up. Like a hot... You're gonna Google what I eat? Where I go? What I eat? I'll figure it out. Okay, that sounds delicious. I mean, making funnel cakes, it was very greasy. I chose to not work with the people.

Like, I didn't want to serve people. I wanted to be in the back, but I would like, my clothes were just greasy, very greasy. Yeah, you know, I've never worked in food service. I do feel like I'd choose back of the house over front of the house just because I'd like, you know, I don't want to, I can interact with people, but I'd prefer to kind of be doing my own thing.

Well, and like standing over a vat of hot oil is dangerous. Right. So it's sort of exciting. Sure. And I was- Eva's original chimneys. Whoa, I've never heard of those. I wanted one of those so bad when we were there

and I never went and got it and I regret it greatly. It was one of the best things I've ever eaten in my life. They're so good and they're like cinnamon and sugar cones. Eva's original chimney is try one if you're up in Toronto, I guess. Wow. Yeah. I know.

Did you pronounce the second T? I gotta go back. Toronto. Toronto. I gotta go back. Toronto. Toronto. Sorry, I got it wrong.

But sorry, I interrupted you. No, it just, it was gross and a lot of, I would make like sometimes 300, 400 funnel cakes a day. 400 a day? Yeah, it was the most, like, it was a very popular stand at the amusement park. How come funnel cake has never broken out of the carnival sort of, you know, world?

How come there isn't like the equivalent of a Cinnabon, but for funnel cake? It's like being a TV actor trying to cross over into film. Right. If you used to dip the old Wendy's fries into a Frosty, it kind of tasted like a funnel cake. Jesus. So.

Ha ha ha. There, it's unique. Kolek, thanks for being here. Ha ha ha. Make him leave. Just talk to Holly. Ha ha ha. It wouldn't be the first time.

Hey, you're stuck with him now. No, honestly, we have the best time together. Really? Yeah. What the hell's happened with you? I don't know. We always talk about. I thought we could be this way 10 years ago, maybe,

somewhere around that. Well, whenever we're always like, if someone does the work, they're like, wow, you're being a real Nick. Yeah, you say that. Somebody misses a deadline, we go, whoa, bit of a Mitch over there. So is that right? We just made those assumptions based off knowing you guys.

Yeah, I mean, yes, in many ways. Sure, to some degree. I think, yeah. Like, I can tell you right now. I could say, relax. You know what I'm saying? Like, relax a little bit. And he could say, come on, you do a little bit more. I could also say, relax a little bit.

Yeah, yeah, that's also true. We both can stand to relax. I also do a lot of work for the stupid fucking podcast. I've heard, I know there has been jokes for a decade of how I don't do work. I do way more than I want to for this shit show. I don't want to do it. Neither of us want to do it.

What are you going to do? I do feel like, I don't know to do it. Neither of us want to do it. What are you going to do? I do feel like, I don't know, comic notes. You and Susser just did comic notes, and I haven't done them yet. There's stuff like that sometimes that I slip up on. But come on. I don't want to. On a future issue, not the issue that's already out.

Not the issue that came out. Yeah, you should get your notes in on that one. I gave notes on the first issue that's come out. I gave my notes. I did what I had to do. You're doing great. I'm doing great. Everyone's pulling their weight.

He's a very type A guy. You get it. And you're not really even a type A guy, knowing you. You're not great with that. Am I a type A guy? No. Yeah. Wait, really?

No, I don't think he's type A. No. He's not type B. How do you find type A guy? No. Yeah. Wait, really? No, I don't think he's type A. No, he's not type B. How do you find type A? I think that you're an extremely organized, email-y guy. You're a logistics person. You're a logistics guy. What's his little type A?

I'm organized and I'm on top of logistics, but I'm also not obsessive about it. I'm not saying you're completely a type A guy. I think that you have some type A. What do you think, what do you say type A. What do you think? What do you say type A? What are you thinking of? I don't know.

You're annoying. You love her. No. That's what the A in type A stands for, annoying. No, I just think that you're on top of it, and you're sort of figuring it out. That's a good way to put it. Look, that is the truth.

But sometimes there can be role reversals where I'm like, Weiger is not responding here and I need him to respond. Sure. There is plenty of times where that happens, too. Yes. I think it's you're very, you're like a principal. OK. Yeah, you're very much like a principal.

I like it. I'm the captain now type guy if you catch my drift. I mean, Susser and I call him the captain. It's funny because I always like, you have similar personality traits of my husband. And I also like sometimes feel like he's a principal. Sure. Yeah. There is, look. He used to wear a very principled style blazer,

would kind of push it over the top. Yeah, that's a good look for him. Yeah. Your husband is a very funny man. And I get that. He was in charge of like the UCB school. School, yes. When we were going on through there.

So like, you know, the principal thing makes sense. I think you're a similar way. Sure. I think that like, when we, for instance, when we last did our tour, I'd be like, hey, we gotta talk about this thing. And we're like, well, yeah, we'll talk about it. And then we didn't really talk about,

oh shit, I'm gonna get myself in trouble. I'm fucking up so bad. Trouble from what? From him. No, everything's fine. Are you scared? Yeah, he's a principal, everything's fine. Are you scared? Yeah, he's a principal, like I said.

He's gonna send me to some fucking... He's gonna talk about things. I've worked for people who are type A and Weiger is absolutely not type A. I think you're more, Weiger's more type A and Mitch is more type B, but neither of you are like fully type A or type B. All right, that's fair, that's fair.

Because type A people are very competitive and like controlling and you're not competitive, but you're like logistics focused. All right, that's fair. That's fair. Type A people are very competitive and controlling and you're not competitive, but you're like, logistics focused. Yeah, I'm not competitive. Type B is like super easy flow and go with the flow and you're both a little bit more, I don't know, you kind of meet in the middle.

We're both mentally ill. I mean, that is for sure. Yeah, for sure. Type C, type cum. Yeah, we are type, we're type cum. If I type A and type B, you mean blood type. You might have Draculaitis. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We know. No, your husband and Weiger are type A. But I think in the comedy world, there are, I think,

a lot of more principal types, I think, thrive. Because also, they're both hilariously funny. I mean, that's the other part of the equation. But for instance, when we're going on tour, and I was like, hey, what if we planned this thing? You're like, we'll talk about that. And then when we were on tour, and I was like, hey, like, what if we plan this thing? You're like, we'll get to the, we'll talk about that. And then when we were on tour and you're like, we gotta figure this out.

And I was like, it's, it's, sometimes you wanna do it on your time. I guess you could say. But also this is true of me too. I don't wanna do stuff on my time. Yeah, and the honest answer is I don't wanna do anything. I mean, that is the other truth of stuff. I was, there was some tour stuff

that I think you got frustrated with that I was trying to talk about before we went on tour and you did not want to do it. It all worked out great. The shows were great. It worked out great. It was great. It did work out great.

But like sometimes you don't want to do it. So for me, that frustration can be like, Mitch is the lazy one. I'm like, I want to talk about this stuff. I want to do it, but sometimes I can't. I think we also just have different ways of communicating. Cause like, it's just, you know, sometimes something can't. I think we also just have different ways of communicating. Because like, it's just, you know, sometimes something can get buried

in like 200 text messages. I've never sent you an email planning anything in my entire life. That's the whole thing. And I'm just like, and nor do I plan to. If this was just an email on this one topic, we would get this resolved. By the way, at your death, I ain't planning shit either. I'm gonna text your lovely wife and say,

when is the burial and what you're doing after the burial. All right, take it easy. No. Come on. Morning. You can't cuckold a dead man, Mitch. Doesn't work that way.

Can't do it. Get your own wife, dude. Missed your opportunity. Come on, it's fun chasing the other wives around. No, get your own. That's too much work. You're going to hate my guts. Oh, my god.

I would send an email for your death, of course. You wanted to worry. I'm not done. I don't think we're expecting that from you. Yeah. Don't worry about that. You're expecting me to die first is what you're trying to say? No.

OK, thank you. Do you guys think that, yeah, Matt and I, who's the A, who's the B, who's the type come? I think that you would way more be the type A slash principal than Koala, just because I know I've worked with you two. Yeah, who's wrangling the stuff between the two of you? I would probably think it was Holly. But I would not be-

Who's emailing versus who's texting? Yes, yes. Are we wrong? Yeah, I think we both do the work. That I would not be- Who's emailing versus who's texting. Yes, yes. Are we wrong? Yeah, I think we both do the work. That makes sense. That also makes sense too. Yeah, I think we split the work. I mean, I'm the tech person, which is a bit odd.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know how to work all that stuff. Yeah, and he won't learn, but other than that. And it's just plugging cords into things. Yeah, no thanks. I mean, I get it. I get it. Emma, is that for us? We don't things. Yeah, no thanks. I mean, I get it. Emma, is that for us? We don't know. We have no idea.

I've worked with two people. You're the only person I haven't worked with here. And I think that I annoy people to some extent. I also have changed. Sure, sure. That's good. That's a good thing. You change over time?

Yeah. Anyways, that counts fucking sucks. I feel like we have worked together. Yeah, we have worked together. Rude, I feel like weren't you Santa once? I was Santa. And I was an elf? Well, we've worked together.

Of course, I'm saying like, I was saying like long term, I lived with him and worked with him. Right. Right. Were you the Holly, were you the upside down soup expert on the County Bang Bang? Yes. OK.

And I had carrots in my nose when I got home. I'm sorry. Because that was my bit. And I was like, oh man, I can't believe we made Holly do that. It was so funny. But the stunt guy kept going, this isn't right. You shouldn't be doing this. Oh my god. That's what I'm doing.

And I'm like, dude, I'm not going to say anything. Because I think they went out of their way to be like, let's hire a stunt person so that she feels safe and good. And I'm like hanging from gym equipment, essentially. And then, yeah, he kept making me so paranoid. He was like, they shouldn't do this with you. And I was just like, oh my God, I don't wanna die with soup in my nose.

Yeah, not great bedside manner from that guy. No. But well, I would argue he was being honest. And I do appreciate, especially from a man, honesty, I would argue he was being honest. And, you know, I do appreciate it. Especially from a man, honesty, that's nice. Yeah. We worked on something that I think your wife produced. Yeah. I was also in it.

Oh, right. The Santa, the, when I was like. I wonder how I got that role. What Santa thing? You were the one who brought it up. You said, did you play Santa? I played an elf. And I thought you were talking about that thing for, like,

ABC Family or whatever? Oh, is that what it was for? OK, yeah. I played an elf so many fucking times. I remember you were an hour late. And my wife said. I was an hour late? Yeah.

No, I was not. There was no chance I was a full hour late. But my wife said, hour late, worth the wait. Wow. That's nice. I am not, with acting, I'm not usually an hour late. Sounds like you should take his wife. Oh, my god.

Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god typecast around the holidays. It's so true. I feel like one time I showed up for an audition for Elf, and I was like, I got this. I book every Elf part. And then they were like, you could tell that the client was like, we

want to see two different versions. People who should be playing Elves and then like sexy bikini models, like were on the other side of the room. And I think they kind of went with sexy Elf, which is rude. I only have one type of thing I can do. They I think they kind of went with sexy elf. Sure. Which is rude. I only have one type of thing I can do. They do hunky Santas now too.

Yeah. That's driving me nuts. I've read for so many Santas. We don't need more buff Santas. You know what sucks when you read for Santas and you're like, ho, ho, ha? You know, you blow the line and you're like, I'm never gonna book this now.

That's the, you know, ho, ho, ho is the, you know, you gotta know that. Yeah, right. That's the, you know, ho, ho, ho is the, you know, you gotta know that. Yeah, right. That's the basic of being Santa. I... Actually only say you live at the South Pole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck, Jesus Christ.

Fuck, can I take that again? They let you take another take. They do, they'll let you do it again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I played Santa once. I was like, when I was, you know, and not that I'm a slender man, but I was like a heavier, a heavier wire.

Some do think you are the slender man. Ha ha ha. Heavier than I am now, and I was like a plow, I was a believable Santa in this sketch. Oh, let's be real here. You were a fatty, right, everybody? Yeah, sure, he was a fat fuck. I'm not going to say that.

Yeah, he was. No, he was. He was a big fat fuck. No, you weren't. Yeah, he was a big fat fuck. I always had a crush on you back then, so I wouldn't. Wow, OK. Yeah.

Not you. I had a crush on you back then, so I wouldn't... Wow, okay. Yeah, not you. You're a little chubby chaser. Because he was looking thick as hell, let me tell you. You know, you're like you were funny and a fantastic stage actor. We. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We should do, it would be funny to do a play.

I'm not thinking about it. I mean, we did true. I just couldn't learn the lines as the issue. True West, is that what you said? Yeah. Yeah, let's do it. I was gonna do True West. You could learn the lines.

Why don't you challenge yourself? It's so hard for me to learn lines. Did you ever have that? Because even in sketches, I'm like, Jesus Christ, I can't keep like three pages in my head. I'm just, I'm biffing stuff, you know? Yeah, I find it a little difficult. It's very challenging for me.

I don't know how people do it. Our buddy Mookie Blakelock is like incredible. It's just like learning lines. It's like he looks at, Jess McKenna, another one, like looks at a page like a couple of times. It just has it in her brain. Hey, we're pretty good over here too. Yeah, don't forget about these stage actors.

No, I'm just, like, I'm just saying other examples. Yes, the two of you as well. You were saying ho, ho, ho. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's a hard line. Also, you can just, I'm thinking of other examples. Yes, the two of you as well. He was saying ho, ho, ha. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's a hard line. Also, you could just, I'm thinking about other examples.

Look right across. I mean, look, Jess McKenna and Mookie are great. Yes. They're some of the best, but look right across from me. They've got two actors right here. Stage actors. Stage actors. And Canadian commercial actors.

Yeah, remember, you could be this tall or this tall. Thank you. I memorized that. I am, I am officially, I have, I have shot in the state of Canada now. Wow, are you a member of ACTRA? State of Canada, Mitch. Oh boy, Mitch. Okay, Trump.

Sorry, yeah, I've been following Trump a little too much. I'm on X a little too much like Kowalik. Podcast gets more popular. The state of Canada, Jesus, whatever. I told you I have brain fog, who gives a shit? The country of Canada, the The state of Canada, Jesus. Whatever. I told you I have brain fog. Who gives a shit? The country of Canada. The beautiful country of Canada. I've shot up there. I didn't know.

I think it was SAG-AFTRA and then they just took taxes out twice. You know, they take taxes out twice. They take Canadian. If you're shooting here, they take Canadian taxes and US taxes, which is fucked up. But we shot at the Bombardier, the old Bombardier, whatever, they made planes there, Wikes,

and that's where we shot a lot of Triss & Meadow, they made sets and stuff there. I will say this, we were once having sushi at Katsuya at LA Live. Very fancy. My kid's favorite restaurant. Really? Katsuya at LA Live. Okay, fancy. It was my kid's favorite restaurant. Katsuya? Really? Oh my God.

And we were there sitting on the patio and there was a big screen that kept doing promo for Twisted Metal. Wow. And my kid, every time it came up on the screen, she'd go nuts, Sally loves it. That's so cool. You gotta show her stew.

You could say, Uncle Mitch is in that show. Did you explain to her, if we both pass, that will be your guardian? Yeah. I haven't told her yet. I just think she's not ready to hear it. Yeah, she'll get it when you say it. What is it?

Wait, what does your kid like from, in terms of sushi? She doesn't eat a lot of sushi, but she eats like the dumplings and like the fried chicken. Right. Yeah, she likes the vibe there. Got it. She like wants to rub elbows with businessmen from downtown.

Yeah, for sure. That's, I like that. It's a great restaurant. I mean, it's a great choice. Yes. I want to say this. At the Bombardier, which is where they maybe built planes, there was a Tim Hortons there.

So like on the campus there was, I mean, not anymore. You know what? Also, I would like there was a Tim Hortons there. So like on the campus there was, I mean, not anymore. You know what? Also, I would like them to open Tim Hortons here. You want Tim's, you do want Tim's in the States. OK, so everyone hates Tim Hortons. Like every Canadian, we just had a guest on who hates Tim Hortons. That's right, yes. I understand.

If you live there, like when we were doing a comedy tour across Canada, and like every road, like any highway stop is just like, what are they called? Like, you know, like a rest stop has a Tim Hortons. And I remember specifically being like, I'm so sick of Tim Hortons because it's all they have. It's ubiquitous.

But when I go back now, it's all I want, including the chili with beans, Matt, shove it up your butt. Wow. Fucking gross. While you, wait, there is a Tim's equivalent in Houston where you're from Shipley Donuts. Shipley's Donuts is awesome. Shipley is great, I had a great time there.

I think they also make a kolache. Kolache, yeah, their kolaches are real good. I think I should open a kolache place here because there's no kolache. What's a kolache? That's a great idea. It's like a Polish, it's a Polish, it's like a bread,

and inside you can get like ham, cheese, jalapenos. It's kind of like a little hot dog in there. You can get. You should open up a Klawczy place, and you're having a hard time just describing what it is. I'm not gonna sell them, but you're gonna own it. Klawczy is a great, is a home run.

What about KlawWall cheese? Yeah. Yeah. OK, I'll support you on this. Kolaches are really good. Shipley's is awesome. I went to Shipley's since I was a little boy. And that and Whataburger.

Yeah. I was less impressed by Whataburger, but I'm going to go back to Whataburger. But that's not, I get that confused with the Wahlburgers. It's a different place. Oh, Wahlburgers in Massachusetts. Okay, okay. That's Mark Wahlberg and his family's

burger place. Yeah. Yeah. And you're into that? No, not really, honestly, no. Okay. He's, you know, he's... I'm obsessed with Mark Wahlberg's Instagram. I mean, I'm not. I'm gonna go.

I think I drove by the place where he beat that man when we were in Boston, do you remember? Oh, yeah, that was fun. That's where you took him? Yeah, that's the only place I took him. I was like, we got one stop. It's a place where Kuala... where Kuala... where Wahlberg beat this man.

And people assumed that he beat him blind, but the guy luckily was already blind. Yes, so he just beat up a blind man and then hit him. He just beat up a blind man. I think that's worse. It is for sure worse. That is so much worse. And I'm pretty sure racially motivated beating.

It was, yes, it was racially motivated. But now he's found God, so. He's found God now. Yeah. Wakes up early. And it was very nice to me on the Fox slot, so, you know. All is forgiven. All is forgiven on my end.

Hey, what else am I going to forgive? I'm not blind. Wow. Well, I just want to say, the Bombardier, there was a Tims. Everything was just closed. But I was like, oh, this is like a private campus Tim Hortons that they have, which is pretty cool. But Andrew Agin, who we had on the podcast recently,

hates Tim Hortons, was talking shit about Tim Hortons. A lot of Canadians hate it, but I'm like, you also don't hate it. This is what's bothering me is like, we would go in there and it's like fucking packed all day every day. It's like your only option. Like this will, like my high school was weird. We would have, we had a little mini Tim Hortons

in our high school. That was our cafeteria. It was a little mini Tim Hortons and then a pizza pizza where they would bring cold pizza in and then sell it. Wow. Pizza pizza quite a bit as well. It's awful. How did you do that to yourself?

Because it would be like the second meal or whatever on set. They would just go and get pizza pizza. You're shooting late, and maybe that's the only thing that's open. Yeah. I have a friend, and he lived down the street from a pizza pizza. And he would eat it every day.

Shout out to Dan Gallia. And then one day, he was like, I can would eat it every day. Shout out to Dan Gallia. And then one day he was like, I can't eat like this anymore, I have to stop. And that pizza pizza went out of business. Like he was single-handedly keeping a pizza pizza open. Well, I'm trying to think of the place where I had, it was Hamilton.

Oh yeah, Hammertown. How could I forget the name of Hamilton? It's my favorite play. That's what we should do. We should do Hamilton. Uh, that's where I had Pizza Pizza that night. I guess we were shooting in an old, abandoned high school up there.

It's bad. I think it's like one of the worst pizzas you ever had. Hamilton really has great pizza outside of a, they have like great local pizza. I don't know if you spent any time in Hamilton. I don't know if anyone in Toronto wants to spend time in Hamilton. Orient us a little bit again,

Hamilton is like what, an hour drive outside of Toronto but still in Ontario? With traffic, it's a steel town basically. Steel town is called Hammer Town. It's the Quincy of Toronto. Got it. Quincy's not an hour away from Boston. What the fuck are you talking about?

Quincy's not that far from the place where Mark Wahlberg beat that guy. I start to walk away. Do they have a plaque that says that? Yeah, that Quincy has as you enter Quincy. Not far from where Mark Wahlberg beat the man. I took the train. I took the train.

You took the T. You took the T. Into Quincy, which was a lot of fun. I loved it. We're all from very, the four of us are all from, they all got their plus sides. Toronto's got its plus, oh, we're all from very, the four of us are all from, they all got, they all got their plus sides. Toronto's got its plus, oh you're saying Houston? You're close to, what's the barbecue town that's not far from Houston? Austin?

No. The place where it's just the barbecue town? I know what you're talking about, but isn't that closer to Austin? Maybe it is close, but Houston and Austin, isn't it kind of right in the middle? The place that's like an hour outside of Austin? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was like, oh fuck it. I don't know. You guys have good barbecue is all I was trying.

I was trying to get to the corpse. Yeah, everywhere. Yeah, Houston has great barbecue. And you're not at- Great restaurants. And no beans in your chili. Is that like a barbecue? My mom used to make chili with beans and I would take all the beans out.

But she's from Illinois, so. You take the beans out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How would you do that? That seems laborious. Yeah, it is. I also love a Frito pie. Oh, I love a Frito pie.

Yeah, Fritos, chili, and then cheese. Lot of fun. I like that. You know what else is good? You take chili, you mix it with shells and cheese, got a chili mac. Ooh. Yeah, that is a possibility.

I've always been less into chili mac. I feel like I just like a mac and cheese better. But I mean, that also is just like my mac and cheese fandom. I feel like anything I add to it, it's like a grilled cheese sandwich. I'd rather just like the base version. But chili mac is an absolute valid dish. I feel that way about a chili dog.

I thought for so long I liked them, but I'm like, no, I like a hot dog. I don't want extra shit on it. Yeah, no chili dog. You want a regular ass hot dog. Yeah, I don't want, keep your chili to yourself. I do like a chili dog. I don't want extra shit on it. You want a regular ass hot dog. Yeah, I don't want, keep your chili to yourself. I do like a chili dog. It's situational for me though.

I also like regular hot dogs sometimes. I feel like I get the right amount of each. They used to have chili dogs in my middle school. Did they really? So gross. Why do you say that so angrily? Because it's gross. It is kind of gross.

Having a bunch of fucking like middle schoolers eating chili dogs. Lockhart, Texas. That's a- Lockharthart and they also shot a The guy who from spinal tap who directs the movies and I can't remember I can't Ryan You're just a guest Christopher Guest movie there. They shot a they shot one of the Christopher Guest movies in Lockhart I should never forget Lockhart again because they just have to think of Tifa from Final Fantasy 7 Of course, that's how I'll remember too

of Tifa from Final Fantasy VII. So that's your last name. Oh, right, oh, of course. Tifa Lockhart. Of course, so that's how I'll remember too. Yeah, because the barbecue's hot and Tifa's pretty hot. Tifa is pretty hot. Lockhart is great, I mean, Lockhart was great.

That was our first tour. I had a good time, I was a little grumpy, but I did enjoy the barbecue. How interesting you were. By the way, on our first tour. What, two more? That got better over the years, yeah. Then in the 10 years when we toured more,

it got better and better, I'm sure. You know what was next to us in Toronto? What? Beast games. And I ain't talking Kong versus Godzilla. I'm talking Mr. Beast himself. Mr. Beast's weird non-union show. Non-union show or the fuck.

Non-union show, which I did like if they like ever stepped foot, like there were signs being like, don't step foot on our set to the non-union show. They were saying like, fuck off to the non-union show basically. But Beast games right next door. Wow, that hasn't come out yet, has it?

I think it did come out and had no cultural impact. It has no cultural impact and is like the most watched thing on Amazon Prime. Yeah, we also like don't talk to its viewers. Right. Do you talk to like 13 year old boys often? Yeah. Well.

Is that your hall pass? Jesus Christ. Call it. You don't need a hall pass. Mr. Beast, I hope you're talking about. You need more, you need something with that. I don't want, it's not it. Yeah, the Beast something with it. I don't want, it's not it. Yeah, the beast games.

Wow. Let's talk about fast food before we get into Panda Express. So you have, you know, your kid likes McDonald's. Holly, I don't know if your child has any fast food that they are particularly fond of, but like how much fast food do you allow? Are there times when you're like, shit, they just gotta eat something.

So I guess fast food is what's happening. Like what are the context or is it a treat? Like, because that's, my association as a kid is that I got fast food probably too often, but you know, God bless my parents. They were just trying to get me to eat anything. But then also I would get fast food as a reward. Oh yeah. I think we're trying to do like now McDonald's like once a month.

But she is obsessed. And we just went on a road trip so she had it like two times. But she fucking loves it. And asks for it now all the time. Because she gets a Sprite. Yeah. And she loves Sprite. I mean McDonald's Sprite is also said to be very good.

We've always been the McDonald's Coke people. And I think it's the same thing, right? It's probably the can, it's the same. It's the syrup. But I'm, there is actually scientifically speaking. Okay. Yeah. Science.

No, they have a metal canister that they use. They have a metal canister for the syrup. So it is, McDonald's Coke is better for a reason. I don't know if that's scientifically speaking, but. It is very scientific. I don't know if they have the same process for the Sprite, but the McDonald's Sprite is hitting, yeah. The McDonald's Sprite is very good as well.

To me, I mean, of course, Happy Meals were the big thing as a child. Oh yeah, I still get them if I go to McDonald's. Do you really? Oh yeah. Why do you do that? I just kind of like, it brings back happy memories for me. And as Matt knows, I don't have tons of happy memories

from my childhood. So yeah, it makes me think of the time I did feel like a kid. That's sweet. I don't make my kid get the apple slices with the happy meal. Why do you do that? I just say extra fries, baby.

Oh, you don't make them. No, you can make the choice. And I just say extra fries. No, my kids don't gonna eat And I just say, extra fries. No, my kid's not gonna eat. The world's ending, have fries. The apple slices thing is such bullshit. I'm sorry. Who cares?

I mean, I get it if you're- A weird wet bag. Yeah. My kid's not eating that anyway. No, my whole thing about my kid eating is eat whatever you want. We're very not rationing of candy or treats or fast food. She like does not like hamburgers or hot dogs,

which now, which is annoying, like so she won't eat in and out, which is like my choice of fast food. Yeah. Hell yeah. Ryza got beef with her now. Oh, yeah, she won't eat. It's just like they don't have any alternatives. Yes.

So it's like, we will sometimes go to Chick-fil-A, which I don't support on a political level, but like she will eat chicken fingers. Yeah. But I don't care. She can eat, like we just try to feed her as much food as she wants to eat. I don't like Chick-fil-A's food that much,

but as you know, I love their political stuff. Yeah, you're going on. Chick-fil-A sucks all around to me. I think, it doesn't suck, but I just don't like, I've never cared about Chick-fil-A sucks all around to me. It doesn't suck, but I just don't like, I've never cared about Chick-fil-A that much. I've warmed up to their sandwich over the years. The first time I had it, I was kind of like,

this is what all the fuss is about, which I imagine is a lot of people who aren't from the West Coast, her first experience of eating an Outburger is like this, this is what people are hyping up so much, but over time, as I had more Chick-fil-A sandwiches, I was like, oh, the sandwich is very consistent. I agree.

I like their chicken sandwich. I'm like, she likes the chicken tenders, but it's like, I would like rather her politics aside. I don't want her to eat like McDonald's chicken tenders cause I think they look gross. But she will like if that, you know, when she goes home and to Joe's family and they go to McDonald's, that's what she's eating. Like, I'm not gonna sweat the small stuff.

That's a good, that feels like a good attitude. The Mc. Krispy strips are a disappointment. Give her the nuggets every so long. No, I, if she wants them, that's the thing. I don't limit, like, and you will see my kid will, like, be halfway through, like, a candy and be like, I don't want this anymore. And it's like, she's not, like, I don't know, I think And it's like, she's not like, I don't know,

I think both of our kids, yeah, because we're so very chill about that stuff, I see my kids self-regulate. There are meltdowns all the time. Yeah. Oh, interesting. Because you're like, yeah, you can watch a little TV. OK, now we're going to turn it off. Yeah.

Also, I'm such a piece of shit. Give the kid the nuggets. No, no. Fucking fat piece of shit. What do I know? When Holly and Joe die, you can get her fucking nuggets. I hope it's not. I hope we die together, you know?

It'll be beautiful. That's romantic. I know, really. What a way to go out. I've thought about that. But then I'm like, but that is sometimes, then you think of that. I want to go first.

Yeah. We all want that. We all want that for your wife. In this room, I want to go first. Yeah. We all want that. We all want that. In this room, I want to go first. Well, statistically, men will go first. Yes, for sure. And then apparently women find the last couple years of enjoyment in their lives after the men go.

Yeah. And that's what I'm holding out for. Widows are apparently, a lot of them are content. Yeah. You know what it is. Finally. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Women are very good with patience.

Oh, man. The last few years of Vermin's life after I go are going to be great. Oh, my god. Let's talk about Panda Express. We got to talk about Panda Express. Can I quickly just say? Yes, please.

Harry Houdini, River Phoenix, Federico Fellini, sorry, I can't say his first name well, Sean Connery, all in hell, according to the diamond Halloween rule. Wow, really? Wow. Sad, yeah. That is sad.

Magic ain't gonna help you much in hell, Houdini. Or maybe it will, I don't know. Maybe it will. It could impress the devil. It could impress the devil. He'd be like, hey, you know, you don't have to be tortured today. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's pretty cool. Here's an AC unit, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mitch, my old wallet was whack. It was a crusty leather brick. It was way too big for my pockets.

I put it in my back pocket. I felt like I'm sitting on one cheek. I felt like I'm lifted. Weiss, you can't do that. You're going to mess up your whole balance. You're going to hurt your back. You can't have a nasty crusty wallet. And I have an answer for you. Ridge Wallet. Ridge Wallets have a unique, slim, and modern have an answer for you. Ridge wallet. Ridge wallets have a unique slim and modern design that holds up to 12 cards plus cash. Made with premium materials like aluminum, titanium and carbon fiber. Over 50 plus colors and styles to choose from. Over 50 plus. Wow. That's how many colors you got. I love it. All Ridge products have a lifetime warranty. This is literally the last wallet you'll ever have to buy.

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where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. Do it. This show is sponsored by Better Help. Mitch, there's a stigma surrounding men's mental health, unfortunately, but there's actual strength that comes as a man, as anyone for maintaining a healthy mind. I agree, Wags. Men today face immense pressure to perform, to provide and keep it all together. So it's no wonder that 6 million men in the US suffer from depression every year and it's often undiagnosed.

It's okay to struggle. Real strength comes from opening up about what you're carrying and doing something about it so you can be at your best for yourself and everyone in your life. Wags, I went to the doctor just the other day, you know, he said to me, this is the truth. I say it all the time on the podcast, but he

said, I think it's about time to get yourself back in therapy because you know what? And I say this all the time, but he said, go like taking care of yourself at the gym, going to a therapist is like the gym for your mind. He said it, which I say all the time. And he said it to me. If you're a man and you're feeling the weight of the

world, talk to someone, a friend, a loved one, a therapist. Me, I've benefited from therapy myself, Mitch. I go to the actual gym and I do go to the mind gym. And I feel like it's something that offers broader benefits to a lot of people. It's helpful for learning positive coping skills and how to set boundaries and empowers you to be the best version of yourself.

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at betterhelp.com slash doughboys. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash doughboys. Do it. Panda Express was, so the history is in 1973 Panda Inn, which Emma, you were saying you went to recently with Mike. I went to for the first time last week and it was incredible. I actually went twice last week

because the first time was so good, we went back. It's a very well regarded sit down Chinese restaurant, old school Chinese restaurant. It's like white table cloth everything, like yeah, it's very, it does not at all like a Panda Express. In fact, it is founded in Pasadena, California in 1973 by Andrew Cheung, his father Ming-Sai Cheung

and Andrew's wife Peggy Cheung. In 1983, they launched an express version of the concept in the Glendale Galleria. So the Galleria location is the first ever Panda Express. Wow. The first investors were UCLA football coach, Terry Donahue and his brother Don Donahue. I'm just realizing this.

Yeah. That. What about Phil Donahue? I don't know if Phil Donahue and his brother Don Donahue. I'm just realizing this. Yeah. That those don't you. I don't know if Phil Donahue is related. Rest in power. I'm now because we were talking like, should we do like happy meals or whatever? And then I was like, the Panda Inn was, you got in my head.

I thought it was fun because the Panda Cub meal or whatever. The fact that their kids meals called the Panda Cub meal is very cute. It's very cute and we've never done it. It was lost on me the first time around. I did have to read the fine print to go, oh, Cub. But Holly, I don't think has ever had Panda Express as part of it too. No, I've had Panda Inn. Yeah.

But never. Today was the first time I ever had Panda Express. That's wild. Panda Express, I think, I'll say this before we talk about the kids' meal. I think you maybe, were you the guy who I maybe had it with the first time? Panda Express. I love Panda Express.

I know you love it. That's, I mean, this is a part of it too. But Panda Express, I think for a fast food Chinese, like that specific Chinese food restaurant is like a grade A fast food chain. Well, when we were in our 20s, a bowl with the chicken was like five bucks. Like that specific Chinese food restaurant is like a grade A fast food chain. Well, when we were in our 20s, a bowl with the chicken was like five bucks.

Yes, it's still. And it was good. Very cost effective. I think Painter Express rules. Yeah. That's all I'm trying to say. I agree. I've gotten, you know, I've always had the fondness for it,

but I've had more appreciation for it in recent years. There are 2,400 locations. It remains family owned. And it, you know, again, it's just, it's like a, it's a, it's an affordable lunch for, you know, for the working class. The second location, incidentally, of the, of Panda Express was at the West Side Pavilion, which is a dead mall that no longer, that closed and is being converted into Google's LA offices. How about that? Awesome. Yeah, very cool. But the West Side Pavilion- They don't have a Panda Express. They don't have a Panda Express.

They don't have a Panda Express, but the West Side Bavillion is the mall where I bought my Nintendo GameCube. Wow. Yeah. And we started with Switch 2 controller. Life is a Herald. Life is a Herald.

It means it sucks a lot of the time. We haven't reviewed it since 2021 with Oscar Montoya, where it landed at three forks, three times. We'll see if it gets over the top this time. Wow, four years since we've done Panda Express. Isn't that kind of crazy? Yeah. You know what I'll say, I've been to Panda Inn.

I think Panda Express is just as good. Wow. Koalik. Wow. I think everyone will disagree with you, but people love Panda Inn. I love it too. I've never been to Panda Inn. I want to go.

So the Panda Inn, we should cover it for an episode. That would be a good topic. I don't want to wait till we do it. Well, you can go, but we can still cover it for an episode. Well, can we do it soon? Yeah, we can do that too. Go twice.

Yeah, all right. That's fair. Just like I did go twice. I just want it now is all. Just go. We just had Panda Fist. I know, but I want it still right now. I left some of mine on the table.

Go for it. It's in Pasadena. You could go tonight. There's also a Panda Inn in Glendale. Yeah, there's one in Glendale. If you go to Pasadena, take my mom and dad. They live there. Do they really?

Yeah, they'd love to have you. You've got to get to know them. I should get to know them. You should. If we were really close friends, you come with me to Panda Inn tonight. Do you want to go? No.

I just want to say, I want you to say you would go. I would go. All right. Maybe we will go. Wow. I'm doing a water fast for three plus days. This is true. You're starting that tomorrow, correct?

I'm starting it tomorrow. Are you guys going to review water on the show? We have done a couple water episodes. We've done it like four different times. Really? We have done some water episodes. The show's not good. We've done water.

It reminds me of like on Vanderpump Rules, they had like a water specialist come and like do like a water tasting at one of their parties. Wow. We did water to ice, I believe. Look, we can't get into it. But yes, we've done a number of water episodes. Wow. We did water to ice, I believe. Oh. Look, we can't get into it. But yes, we've done a number of water episodes.

And you didn't decide to stop the whole thing then? We should have. We're stuck. We're stuck doing this podcast forever. I wanted to get, I wanted to book some role and get out of here, but it didn't, it never. We were, I was close this year. I'm waiting for you to book some role so we can get out of here too.

I was very close to booking something that would have been life changing and I would have been fucking dunzo. Yeah, I know. I was hoping for it to happen. I know you were. It was very kind of you. Well, what would happen to Wiker? We could have wrapped it up.

What's up? What would happen to you, Wiker? He gives a shit. He dies in the fucking gutter, hopefully. Well, I don't want that. All right, fine. He dies in a bed. OK.

Soon. It almost happened. It was very, it was a. Oh, I thought you meant that he almost died. Oh, no. In a bed. I don't know. I haven't seen him in any gutters.

It almost happened. We got the nutrition first Panda Cub meal. I'll read the copy here. Now serving treetop apple crisps and honest kids juice with the new Panda Cub meal. I'll read the copy here. Now serving tree top apple crisps and honest kids juice with the new Panda Cub meal offers balanced options for parents and kids to choose from created based on USDA dietary recommendations for children.

Each of the three meals have nutritious vegetables, less than 600 calories and one serving of fruit. The one serving of fruit is the tree top apple crisp, which we will get to your three protein options or orange chicken, orange chicken, I know. I feel like they're technically ticking a box, but I don't think it actually counts. I don't think that's like-

Do they say just apple? They say tree top apple crisps, and they say it's technically one serving of fruit. But again, it's like, yes, by the letter of the law, but I don't think this is actually nutritious. We got orange chicken, teriyaki beef, or broccoli beef. Those are your three options. And then it comes with, like, so you get one small size protein, and then you get half super greens,

which is basically just broccoli, and I think some cabbage thrown in there, maybe some kale, and then half rice. And that's pretty much what each of us got, right? Mitch, you got the orange chicken. I got the orange chicken. Koalik, you got the teriyaki chicken. And Holly, you also got the orange chicken.

Matt told me to. Well, the orange chicken, if you've never been to Panda Express, that's their signature dish. I do what he tells me to do. I mean, that's... That's... Talk louder, Holly.

So your first time there, you said, Matt was saying, Koalik was like, you should try the orange chicken. I won't lead you astray. I will say this, he's right. No, and I never want you to say that, but he is right. He is right. I mean, I never want to say it. Um, he is right. In this scenario, he is right.

The orange chicken, I think, is the showstopper at Panda Express. They have a signature dish there. They have a reason to go to Panda Express, because it's this thing that they do, and that they innovate it. It's good as hell. It's very good. It was hit today. I thought it was delicious.

I thought that sauce was tangy, and I thought the chicken was crispy. And you contrast it with the chicken that you had with the teriyaki, which doesn't have the breading. And you can kind of tell how low quality the meat is. Yeah. So it- The teriyaki chicken is just not,

it's not a, it's just something I would not get at Payton Express. I've never been impressed by their teriyaki chicken. I guess it's ostensibly lighter, although it is a sugary sauce. I think that, I thought it was a good order because it feels like something a parent would order their child. Right. I got, yeah, I got two things that I have never ordered there,

which is the fried rice and the teriyaki chicken. You never get the fried rice? No. Oh, I feel like that's such a- No, I think I would have liked steamed rice better. I should have gotten steamed rice. I like white rice more with my orange chicken, and usually what I'll do is I'll get a side.

Well, I ordered another plate. I ordered a plate. Look, this is a whole thing. We were there. I ordered a plate. And, uh. Did it come? It did not come. Oh, yeah.

Oh, good question. Amelia, you can start talking if you like. I forgot to order the plate. I texted Amelia my order. And she texted me my order. And then I texted it back to her with all of it. And then Amelia was, I was like, hey, where's the plate? When I got in and she's like I forgot it and I

went how that's how I responded because I was secretly very mad I never I just went how and and there was no you just forgot it yeah I think just the way the... Let's grill her. It was sweet. I think just the way it was like spaced out in my notes, in my head I was like, okay, Mitch's order is done, now onto the next one. You didn't inspire any confidence when I said, are there apple juices? And you go, I don't know, I didn't count them is what you responded after that. So I was like... They were still making the food when I got there. I thought I was gonna be really late,

but then I ended up being the first one here. So I could have stopped and counted it. If you come 10 or 15 minutes after the time, that's fine too. That doesn't matter. See, this is your type A shit, scaring Amelia. And then she's fucking up.

This is type A. She's fucking up my order. You're scaring her, dude. Oh yeah, I know. Well, she should be scared of this. I'm gonna turn this. What if I die on my water fast? It's also, we've been yelled at by Head Gum

for not being here when our guests and stuff arrive and we're not here. Oh my God, they need to fuck right off. They're never here, fuck that shit. Who's yelling at you, Adam Conover or what? Head Gum's closed today, no one's here. No one's here, no one's here today. I mean, I don't wanna say it, but Matt and I were technically the first ones here.

All right, well that's fair. That is, and look, we don't want to do that to you, but for food's sake. I texted Amir. Let him know. Yeah, he just texted him here. Also, he did. Texted Amir, hey, I'm here to close your loop. I did offer to go order another one, and you said no, so. You did offer that. Look another one and you said no.

I did. You did offer that. Look, you didn't do anything. Well, you did do something wrong. You fucked up big time. I'm looking at the way it's laid out. I understand the confusion because you list out the Panda Club meal, then you list your drink,

and then you put plate, and then there's another. It looks like you're saying the same thing. I understand how they're doing. No, we talked through all this. Just make sure you don't make the this. We talked through this, we did, we talked through it. Yeah. All that said, the, the, the. Oh, I can't get mad at my employee,

I can't yell at my employee. I just like how on this episode Mitch is mad that he didn't get his apple juice. Yeah. My, my thing is. My confidence wasn't instilled when you go. You're throwing a tantrum. We get it. My confidence, oh, I'm a tantrum.

Hold on a second. Now you've fucked up. My confidence wasn't instilled when you said, I said, did they forget the apple juice? Which is a good question, because I'm just like, Why none of us wanted apple juice? No, but I'm saying this, this, this did they did forget they only gave us two of them so they forgot one but I think but I think the way the meal is laid out yes yes you can change

the drink and so I I said in my meal get the mango guava iced tea yes and I said pomegranate pineapple lemonade so I think we got the right number of apple juices. Yes. I ordered a bunch of apple juices with people's orders. But when I went to go pick it up, the employee was like, everything's in this bag. All the drinks are in this closed bag. Everything you asked for is in there. And I felt really confident in that employee. And yeah, I took everything.

And sometimes mistakes happen. It worked out great. It's always the drinks that are missing. It worked out, we didn't need the apple juice. No. I was, what I was trying to figure out was a thing of, they just didn't have it. That's what I was trying to figure out

because I feel like at a place like this. And then what? You find out they don't have it and then what? This has nothing to do with me screaming at Amelia. What I'm saying is, is this a place that offers, hey, we have a kid's meal that has apple juice and apple crisp and then you just never have it. That's what I was trying to figure out.

That's all I was trying to figure out by it. They do have the apple crisp, they do have the apple juice, they both suck. The apple crisps are fucking bad, the apple juice, it's that stupid ass healthy juice thing, it's only like 45% juice, so it's not even like pure apple juice. And then it has no sugar added.

It tastes like apple water. Yes, and they're trying to say like, oh, this is like a healthier version of it. But it's like, this is just a processed, a super processed juice, like a super processed fruit drink rather, not an actual juice that has no added sugar, but has all these other additives.

It's fucking bad. It kind of is apple water, right? It is apple water. Yeah, tastes bad. If you go to a kid's birthday party, they're just everywhere. Those exact, just, yeah. That brand.

That brand is the brand. Because every kid has taken one sip and left it somewhere, because it sucks. Yeah, real bad. So it's like you just, you walk around a party and they're littered on every table everywhere, because every kid's just abandoned. Disappointed, right.

Yeah. Look. But it's good to teach them disappointment early, because otherwise this sort of thing happens. Yeah. Did you notice how calm Holly and I were while you were having your tantrum? Our children taught us that.

And what we'd say to them is like, you're having a lot of big feelings right now. You got your bowl, you piece of shit. You ordered extra meals. I gave you half of my orange chicken, which I could have easily eaten. Oh, no, you did not. You gave me a couple of pieces of your orange chicken.

You took his fried rice. You took his fried rice. You took his fried rice. I ate a piece of his fried rice from his second meal. Look, Amelia, you didn't do anything wrong. And I'm also not a bad guy here, and I forgive you. I disagree. But I did text you just one thing.

So we're all good. I hope it's I'm sorry. He texted me, strike one. Only one? You better polish up that resume. Yeah, no shit. It's only one. You should be thanking your lucky star. You're on strike like 900.

How many strikes do I have? This seems like a very healthy work environment. Everyone's doing great. I was very much looking forward to my plate, I will be honest, because I'm drinking water the next four days. Oh my god, no! So this is part of it.

You're anticipating this fast, so you're maybe like binging a little bit right now. Maybe it's a gift you didn't get the plate, which means you have to go to Panda Inn for dinner. There you go. That sounds great, honestly. Amelia knew you wanted Panda Inn, and she was like, he doesn't want this orange chicken.

He wants to go to Panda Inn later for dinner to get orange chicken. Amelia, we're going to Panda Inn for dinner. And you can take care of the order. Here's what I was going to say. And I said this while we were all eating in the kitchen. The thing about the Panda Cub meal, and I have this experience anytime I see the portions that children are served in this country, is like, this is actually probably the right amount of food for an adult to eat.

I didn't finish mine. Yeah, and I'm like, this is probably what I should be getting at Panda Express instead of the plate with three different proteins, which is what I normally get. Cause I'm like, well, that's the best value. And all of a sudden I'm eating 1800 calories in the middle of the day and wondering

why I feel like shit the rest. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, I should be eating a smaller amount of food. I should be eating Mitch Tabarro phrase from Unkar Plutt, one quarter portion of what I normally eat. Amelia, you know what? Thank you. I ate a normal, I did eat a normal amount of food today.

It is the truth. I got, I want half white rice and half, or steamed rice and half steamed white rice. Wait, sorry, what color of rice did you get? Uh, white. Oh, it's white. That's right, it's white. They have no idea what the fuck we're talking about. This is technology, it's Hwai. That's right, it's Hwai. They have no idea what the fuck we're talking about.

This is technology, it's a bullshit. Did you see the Elvis movie? It's the Elvis movie. Oh no, I never did watch it. That's good. It's good. No it isn't. You didn't like it?

You didn't like it? No, I thought it was so bad. I absolutely hated every second of it. Oh no. But did you notice that he's Hwai? I'm breaking my heart. Oh, now I know what you're talking about. Is that like, what's his?

Colonel Parker? Yeah, Colonel Tom. He's the worst part of that movie. Oh, I I know what you're talking about. Is that like, what's his? Colonel Parker? Yeah. Colonel Tom. He's the worst part of that movie. Oh, I think it's fun. He's like doing a mad TV character the whole time. It's great. I think I'm ready to watch it.

You should watch it, it's fun. I'm gonna say, I don't wanna see another musician, male musician biopic. I fully agree. I think they mostly are really boring and annoying, the Wikipedia biopic. I like Elvis. It's funny you say that the week that the Bruce Springsteen

trailer came out. I'm saying it because of that. Yeah, so I don't like who gives a shit. But I, and like the Bob Dylan movie, I went in being like, this is going to be dog shit. And I'm watching it. I was like, hey, this is actually fine. You know, it's like.

I was like, these people are mad because this man is going to play an instrument with metal strings instead of a softer string. Right. These people are so mad about it. Everyone needs to relax a bit. They did need to relax. I agree.

Like, I get it. It did make me go like, wow, this is what a problem was. Like, during this time was that they were like, the guitar is different. It is funny to watch this cultural moment where you're like, who cares about this moment specifically? I mean, people were throwing stuff. They were so mad. I like the, I like-

I had fun with that. That movie's not horrible. Yeah, it's not, no, it's fine. It's fine. It's a fine movie. It doesn't need to exist. It doesn't need to exist, but it's fine. Sure.

But it's nice. The Elvis movie I like because it's got this gaudy, like over the top aesthetic, which I think is a good fit for the larger than life sort of his persona. And then also I just like love Elvis's music. And so like for me, it was just like, hey, this is fun to see all these songs. I feel like, was there a lot of, I don't know,

I fell asleep, but I feel like there was a lot of dress sniffing in that movie and I don't like it. You don't like someone taking a whiff of a dress. I don't, I hate it. Especially when it's your mom's dress. It's fucking weird. Boys love sniffing dresses. You gotta smell mommy's dress.

Yeah, you smell mommy's. Smells like mommy. Yeah, it smells like mommy. Come on now. No. Is he a dog? Yes, a hound dog. He is a hound dog.

But I also feel like there was like the two Elvis movies. Yeah, that one and Priscilla, which I also liked. Which I didn't watch Priscilla, but it's like, I want somewhere more in the middle. Priscilla's interesting because they- You ladies never want to sniff in the dress, but you keep on wearing them. You're right.

You're like, we're asking for you guys to sniff the dresses. Well, to answer your question, he is not an animated dog in the movie. So I don't know if that's what you thought it was, but. It's a Priscilla is good. Priscilla is the, I get what you're saying, because Priscilla is the sort of thing,

because it's just sort of like portraying the side of Elvis that's really glossed over entirely in the Elvis bio-game. Yes, that was my big problem with it. Which is that he was a groomer. He groomed a 14-year-old. Yes. And is that, was a groomer. He groomed a 14-year-old. Yes. And is that, so that movie focuses on that,

but as a result, it has no rights to the catalog. So there's no Elvis movie in that, no Elvis music in that movie, so it feels a little asynchronous. You had an awesome soundtrack still. Still get a soundtrack, yeah, yeah. They figured it out. You know, when I first watched that movie, I said, okay, groomer.

Yes. Yes, yes. Trying to make that work. I'm trying to make that the new meme. All that said, I really liked my orange chicken panda cub meal. I thought it was quite, I thought the orange chicken was hitting. Holly, this is your first time having it. What do you think of that?

I thought it was delicious. Yeah, real good. I would like to explain that I don't live on a different planet, but that in Canada, I'm pretty sure when I was younger, we did not have it. We had something called Manchu Wok. OK. Which was yuck.

Yeah. So I'd associate it with the same, and it's not. It was pretty delicious. Yeah. That chicken is good, and I think my kid would actually really like it. The orange chicken is damn good. 600 calories, not too bad.

Not too shabby. I mean, like, the orange chicken, clearly not good for you, but I did half the steamed white rice and half super greens, which they kind of mixed together, which I did not like. I wanted to like not eat. Yeah, I kind of wanted to not eat the greens as much, clearly, like I was trying to do the full kids meal. Eat the greens, dude.

You're gonna be on a three-day water cleanse. I need dude. You're going to be on a three-day water cleanse. I need my nutrients, and I am going to be on a three-day water cleanse, where I'm not going to eat anything. Are you going to do it? You should do a check-in. I feel like for the podcast, you should check in with Mitch throughout the days.

Like, just like, text her to record on your last day. Yeah, I want like a daily check-in. Yeah, why don't you do some vlogs? You text me tomorrow at noon, and I'm dead. Yeah. Well, because I usually have to do like a 24 hour fast, like when I get a colonoscopy, because I'm fun. And I am like dead.

Yeah, by the time they take me in for it, I'm like, I'm so dead. Yeah. I've tried intermittent fasting, where I just like, I don't eat breakfast. And I like, that takes me out. I get like, my body just shuts down if I don't have food for the hours.

Join me on the three day water Are you gonna be able to do this? Yeah, I gotta do it I'm not I don't know no one's watching me Charlie's there. Oh watches the watch No, yeah, I wish are you gonna watch any water movies? Whale well, maybe I watched the whale yeah Way of water is probably the best choice. No, the new 28 years later, I am packing. Is that a wet movie?

But you know what, I want. Yeah, is that a wet movie? It's a hog movie, we've heard. We've heard it's a hog movie. I want I want Pupcorn and a Drink for 28 years later. So I might see that on like Tuesday or Wednesday night or something. Because you've got to come off the fast, slowly.

Oh yeah, you've got to be gentle. Be gentle, please. But I'm seeing two movies. I already have two movies lined up for Friday and Sunday. What are you seeing? Yeah, somebody's got plans that we're not invited to. A co-star from Twisted Metal, Patty Gungham, has a movie that's coming out.

That's cool. So I'm going to go see that. And then I'm going to go on. I'm seeing a movie on Sunday with Gabers. How fun is that? I think Dirty Work, like the dirtier cut or something, I think is what we're seeing. Where's that?

I don't know, but I'm not gonna tell you. Where is it? What dinner? I'll just text Gabris. I mean, yeah, yeah, I mean, I don't know where it is. I would tell you, I was specifically saying I won't tell Koala. The Super Greens, here's what I will say.

I really am, you know, I try to eat better in general. And there are times when I'm like, fuck, I'll get a salad, but it's like, you know what? It's OK for me to get the salad bowl that also has some like rice or quinoa in it. Like, I don't need to deprive myself entirely of carbs. And this kind of feels like that sort of balance of just like, I like having the white rice there, but I also, like the super greens, this is the thing

my dietician was saying, it's just like, eat the greens first. And like, kind of just like, okay, so like start to get full off of that. And I find myself, if I'm doing that, then I maybe have a little bit less of the, you know, of the carby base left. And that was the case here.

Like I was very hungry when I started eating this meal, but I also didn't finish my white rice. I finished the protein and I finished the case here. I was very hungry when I started eating this meal, but I also didn't finish my white rice. I finished the protein and I finished the super grains. And it felt, I don't know, this feels like a nourishing lunch. Like I ate this and I was like, oh, I kind of feel satisfied and not too heavy afterwards.

That's how I feel after I get the bowl of orange chicken and white rice. I feel like that was a meal and I don't feel too bogged down. And the bowl for you is like, because I would always get a two or three item combo, like the plate that they have there. But the bowl is just the one protein and a base. Yeah.

And so if you just did that, that's basically the equivalent that's like just a slightly expanded version of the kids meal. Yes. So that's what you're to follow. Do you get the super greens on it? Yeah, that's all I get. Can you get the super greens?

Maybe. You can, yeah. Can you get the super greens? Maybe. You can, yeah, you can split the bases. And also the broccoli beef there is good. It's directly across from my kid's school. Wow, there you go. The Beijing beef is great. It's that little fried beef.

Is that what it is? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like the red fried beef, the Beijing beef. I mean, just get the orange chicken if it's across the street from your kid's school. I know, like now I'm like, I guess I'll pick her up and we'll go. There you go. 100%.

Then there's a Menchies next door to that. Oh, shit. I haven't been to Menchies in so long. I want a frozen yogurt. Maybe I'll have that tonight. I want to, this is kid related. I went to Handles last night. I texted, I group texted everyone this.

Because we were talking about Handles yesterday. And I was like, fuck all of Handles. Oh, I have a lot of thoughts about Handles. Handles is so good. Really? We'll get into it. I went to Handles last night. Let me try it.

It's a, you haven't had it? No. to get to these. So I went to Handles last night. Let me try it. You haven't had it? No. They won't let you try the flavors at Handles. Wait, what? They do? What the hell's going on with your Handles? The one that I go to won't let you try it.

They don't have samples? No, so she was like, but if you don't like it, just bring it back. I'm like, I don't want to do that. That feels so shameful to be like, I didn't like this. That's interesting. I have not experienced that. Yeah, I'd do it.

We just went to Handles on Friday and they let you try a bunch of different flavors. I go to the one in Hastings shopping court. Oh, we went to the one in Los Feliz. Yeah, they won't let you try it there. Maybe it's just the management there. I don't know, so like. Can I ask you a question?

Uh-huh. Were you acting like a Karen? Yeah, you know me. No, it's like they give you so much too. I don't want that much. And then they give you the bowl, sorry. They give you the bowl. I don't want it.

I don't like it. Why do you say sorry because of the bowl? No, because I hit the dog. I thought you were saying, cause it was like you mentioned bowl. I do want that much. I went to Handles last night and it's like a Wednesday and it's fucking popping.

I cannot believe how many people were there. I get my, I got myself a, what scoops did I get? I wrote down here. Oh, I got the coconut caramel delight and vanilla with Oreos. And I'd had the vanilla with Oreos before. I love that flavor. That flavor is much better than you have,

than it has any like right to be. It's like the best version of a cookies and cream. And then the coconut caramel I've never had before. That sounds good. It was, it was a great combo. I'm the coconut caramel I've never had before. That sounds good. It was a great combo. I'm sitting there, I'm sitting at a table and I have a bite of the coconut caramel delight and I involuntarily say aloud, man, that's fucking good.

By himself. By myself. And then I realized there was like a little girl sitting there with her dad. I felt so bad. No, she's heard it. You think she's heard it? Oh yeah, our kids have heard.

Yeah, my kid knows all the bad words. Fuck shit. Yeah. Come. Well, I don't know if I've taught her come yet and I want her to hear it from me. You sit him down and you say, there's no such thing as Santa Claus

and now I wanna tell you a new word. Like my kid thought that, asked me, this is how I knew she knew bad words. She said, what's Barbie's last name? And I said, I don't know, that's a good question. And she said, isn't it bitch? And I was like, what? It's really funny.

But it's because from the Barbie soundtrack, they had a song that was like, it's Bobby, bitch. Oh, man. So I was like, no, that's not her last that was like, it's Bobby, bitch. Oh, man. Oh, yeah. So I was like, no, that's not her last name, and also that's a bad word, and she just burst out crying. She was so upset and humiliated. And I was like, you can say it in front of me.

Like, I'm cool, don't worry. Yeah, my kid's allowed to curse at home if she wants to, just not around other people. And she's like, I have her on video mumbling when she was like two going fucking shit. I feel like she calls you bad words. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So immediately learned to disrespect you. You're like this at dinner recently. I mean, Paul did tell me that. She said, uh, dad, when you die, we're getting a cat. Sounds like a great. I checked in with Paul like a few years ago and he was like,

my wife and my daughter just disrespect me all day long. It was... Well, any child, like my child was mad at me like two nights ago, she had a friend over and she said to me, you make all the children cry. That's a good one. And I just was like, yeah. That's a really good one.

I absolutely do. That's what really good one. I absolutely do. That's what they're there for. Why, because you were at the handles, one close to Head Gum Studios? No, I went to a different handles. Oh, OK. If you go to the one near Head Gum Studios, they will give you take some ice cream.

They treat you right there. That's the one Amelia and I went to last week, and they did let us sample. Can you go into that one? No, it's just a window. Oh, yeah, it's just a window. I don't know. I was really like, what ice cream place doesn't let you try? They tried that shit during No, it's just a window. Oh, yeah, see, it's a window. I don't know.

I was really like, what? Ice cream place doesn't let you try it. Like, they tried that shit during COVID. A lot of ice cream places were like, can't try it. And you're like, that's your thing. Yeah. Yeah, there's too many there to not let you try it. No.

You've got to try it. Because I tried an apple caramel. I wanted to get an apple caramel one. And you know, sometimes like apple flavor can be like gross. Yeah, a little sciencey. So I wasn't sure. And they were like, we're apple flavor can be like gross. Yeah, a little sciencey. So I wasn't sure. And they were like, we're telling you, it's good. And I was like, just let me taste it.

That's weird. This is a mall version one. Yeah, it's like, it's in an outdoor mall though. Weird. Most of them, the one, they're very good with, they'll let you have every flavor under the moon. Well, I'm going to go right after. You should.

I'm going to try everything. Yeah, you should go. You really should go. I might join you. Here you go. I was thinking I should send my kid with you to Panda Inn tonight. I would, I would. You've got to get to know her.

You've never met her. Do you even know her name? Yes, I do. Wait, hold on. I do know her name. It begins with a, does it begin with, it begins with a, no. She said, I think she said it on the podcast. I know, and I remember it.

What's Matt's kid's name? No. I know your kid's name. Wait, W? No, well that's not her, okay. I know. What's Matt's kid's name? Joni.

Okay, wow, wow. And I do know your child's name. Wait. It's a confusing question actually. Is it, is it Lucy? No, but that's a cute name. That's child's name. Wait. It's a confusing question actually. Is it, is it Lucy? No, but that's a cute name. That's a cute name. Wait, what is your, I just, I swear to God I knew,

I know this. You should for legal reasons. Her league, well, she was born, she's Winifred, she's Winnie. Winnie. But then like when she was two, she was like, that's a disgusting name. I want to be named Sally.

And that's- Sally, that's what I was thinking of. Sally has stuck. Lucy, Sally, that's what I was thinking of. Sally has stuck. Lucy Sally, whatever. Close. Yeah. But the annoying part about her picking Sally is it's so close to Holly that people call me Sally and her. Oh, sure.

And I was like, dude, could you have picked a name different from mine? Maybe it's because she loves her mommy. She might come around on her other name too, I think. She does. She kind of goes like, maybe I'll be Winnie next year. And I'm like, ugh, whatever, dude, fine. I'm sick of this.

I want off this roller coaster just picking names. Everybody else is just taking the name that was given today. I can't believe you gave me a name test live on the air. This is fucked up. Well, the lawyers are going to ask you this type of stuff. You've got to know her name. I'm the bad guy for the meal stuff. I'm the bad guy all around today.

You're doing great. Old type B Mitch. You know what? I thought you were type cum. I am type cum. You should join me in the water fast this weekend. Why should I be doing that? Do you little bitch?

I don't think you can. I don't think I could either. I don't want to. Oh, fuck. I don't think, I don't understand. Wu-Tang's doing it. Oh, oh now it makes sense. Oh, fuck. I don't think, I don't understand. Wu-Tang's doing it. We're, I'm, I'm, I'm- Oh, oh, now it makes sense.

Oh, okay. I totally, I'm trying- Every one of them? What's that? Every single one of them? Inspect a death? No, my friend Wu-Tang. Oh.

I, I, I- What was the impetus for this? I have long COVID issues. Yes. You know this. But what, but like, like, was this your idea? Was, was- It was my idea. And then I was talking to the Tufo brothers, and they both have both done fast before.

And they're going to do it. They're joining me. Dr. Tufo's? They're not doctors, but Anthony and Dan are joining me in the water fast. But is that safe? Because you should have something to keep your blood sugar up.

Yeah, I got some electrolyte drink mix if I need it. And if your blood sugar drops too much, you do have to break the vest. But I'm going to be fine. I think you can do it. You're hunter-gatherers, to quote Joe Rogan. But that still doesn't make sense, because you're having water.

Yeah, but you would have, as hunter-gatherers, you would lap water from the lake. That's a gatherer, but where do you hunt? You were hunting food. I'm going to be fine. You would have it, yes. There's a lot of people who have long COVID who have benefited from doing water fasts.

I hope it works out for you. I can't wait for everyone, every comment on the Reddit to just be mad at me for yelling at Amelia, mad at me for getting your child's name, and then mad at me for doing this water fast, you fucking dorks. I'm mad at the straw man again. I fucking hate the straw man.

In your defense, I don't know if you've, like I told you if Joe and I perish, you will be taking over a parent ship, and you've done nothing on your end to sort of, you know what I mean, prepare. Yeah, yeah. But that's okay, I don't expect you to know her name. Do you know how many children's names I don't know?

Yeah. I should have remembered her name. That's why the word buddy. It doesn't matter, you don't have a kid, it doesn't fucking matter. Thank you for all that. My whole thing, Mitch, is that your job is to maintain a list of the children

who are not at your nice, so you should know these things. I've mentioned this before. of the children, whether they're naughty or nice. So you should know these things. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. I've mentioned this before. Oh, oh. Ha ha ha. I mentioned this before in the podcast. I had an incident where I over-hydrated.

This was 20 years ago, but I over-hydrated. Hold your wee for a wee is a very classic story of a. Yes. I ended up in the ER. It was the worst physical pain of my life. I had hyponatural amy. Oh, I've heard it's really bad. It's really, really bad.

Every muscle in my body felt like it was cramping. How'd you do that? I just, if you're out in the sun and you just drink water, you're, the salinity in your blood will, the amount of sodium you have in your blood will, and potassium will dip so low that your body will like react like it's, you know, it's like it's shutting down. I'm gonna be taking it easy this weekend,

which is not really different from most weekends. And I'm gonna, I'm not gonna be like over drinking water. You're not supposed to over drink either. Like three, around three liters a day is what you're supposed to do. Well, especially cause like now they're saying there was like the whole, if you pee clear, you should be like, your goal should be to pee clear.

And now they're saying, no, don't pee clear. That's too much. Really? Yes. It means you're peeing out all the water, not absorbing it. Yeah. I feel like all my urine is just clear. Mine's sharp and yellow.

I thought you were supposed to be going clear with really. It's a thicker yellow. Yeah, aren't you supposed to go clear? You're supposed to go clear. We always thought you were supposed to go clear. Well, you're not supposed to have clear pee. I thought that was the whole point. No, it should be thicker and yellow

and sort of be hard to get out. Homer, wow. Like a soup. Homer piss. A thick, thick soup. be thicker and yellow and sort of be hard to get out. Homer, wow. Like a soup. Homer piss. Thick, thick soup. Thicker and yellow. I don't, I- I'm like a sparklet's dispenser. I'm just sitting out straight clear. Oh, Jesus.

I was pissing out some very bright yellows when I was taking vitamins. Yeah. Cause I was taking a lot of vitamins. That's vitamin B. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was taking a couple of vitamins. I was a B complex and a B12. But I have- How do you find this? Is there a piss guy? Do you just find, like do you find a piss guy? Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was taking a couple of vitamins. I was a B complex and a B12.

How do you find this? Is there a piss guy? Do you find a piss guy? Yeah, my piss doctor, yeah. There's a piss guy. There's a piss doctor? I mean, they like to be called urologists, usually. Got it.

Oh yeah, there is a piss doctor. Should I see it? Is that a thing? Do I see a urologist and be like, hey, how's your load? Help me improve my piss. Hey, get a load of this thing. Yeah, what do you think?

Okay. Okay. Hachimachi! He's going crazy over this. He's like, everything me improve my piss. Yeah, what do you think? Okay. Okay. Hachi machi. He's going crazy over there. He's like everything's fine with me, I just wanted to show you. Well, don't you do a urine test as part of your physical? I don't do that. See, I'm giving cups of pee to anyone who'll ask for it.

No, I don't. You don't do physicals? I only go to the doctor if something's wrong. You're damn near 50, you fool. You gotta go 50. He's not near 50. I don't know. You are?

I'm 44. No, I'm 45 and I'm not near 50. Sorry. You're supposed to be getting a physical every year. Are you really? Yeah, and the man asked for the pee in the cup. I'm taking Wally and Irma into their physical tomorrow if you want to join. Go to the vet? Take you in the cup. Hmm. You're a woman. I'm taking Wally and Erma into their physical tomorrow if you want to join.

Go to the vet? Yeah, take you to the vet. My two cats and my big fat cat. If you just strip down, I'll put you in a big cage and bring him. Can you bring a man into the vet? Can you get away with that? I think probably.

Wait a minute, I've seen this before. I shaved my dog. He's on Seinfeld. By the way, I shaved my dog. He's on sign film. By the way, I shaved my dog. He's being a, and his hog is huge now all of a sudden, by the way. Um, will you test his piss out? Well, his piss tastes normal. Wait, what?

Wait, you're weird, too. This is fucking delicious. I thought I really enjoyed my Panda Express cub meal. I thought it was very, very yummy. I guess we should get to, do we, did anything we missed? I guess we should talk about the drinks. Mitch, you got the watermelon mango refresher. I get the mango guava iced tea.

Wait, did I get the watermelon mango? Is that what it was? I think that's what it was. And then there was the pomegranate pineapple lemonade. We tried all three of them. I talked about how the apple juice was terrible. My mango guava iced tea, I was like, this is gonna be way too sweet for me.

These drinks often are. But I was like, no, this is like a nice, this is just like a nicely balanced, like it's like, I know it's not, not passion fruit, but it reminded me of a good passion fruit iced tea. Like, like islands. I was like, this is, I could, I could take down this whole thing.

Yeah, it wasn't too sweet. No. I really liked it. Really yummy. I don't think a kid would drink it, right? Kids drink an iced tea? Oh, the kids would fucking love it. You think they'd like it? Oh, not an iced tea. Uh-huh. Are they all iced teas? No, mine wasn't too sweet. No. I really liked it. Really yummy. I don't think a kid would drink it, right? Kids drink an iced tea?

Kids would fucking love it. You think they'd like it? Oh, not an iced tea. Oh, I didn't know. Are they all iced teas? No, mine wasn't, cause I specifically, I think mine was a lemonade. Yes, yours was a lemonade, mine was an iced tea,

and yours was a refresher. What the fuck is a refresher? I think they have caffeine, like cause the Starbucks refreshers have caffeine in them. Oh, interesting. So it's like, that's the thing is apparent. You kind of always have to be like, does this have caffeine in it?

Like we were at the train station getting on a train, like I don't want my kid to have caffeine. I want her to sleep all through the night. Every day. Yeah. All we're taking the train to. We took the train, the surf liner to Santa Barbara. Oh yeah, it's a great train. And a woman came up to us at the train station,

was like, does your daughter drink soda and she's holding a Coke? And I'm like, no. Like I was like- A stranger did this? Yes. daughter drink soda and she's holding a Coke? And I'm like, no. Like I was like- A stranger did this? Yes. Weird. I think she was gonna give her a Coke?

Yeah, and I was like, no, dude. A half drinking Coke? No, it was closed, but I'm like, don't give my, that's the only thing I don't like- Oh man, I loved Coke as a kid and it was a bad thing to have happen. Me too. I would, my parents never had that stuff.

I would march across the street to my best friend's house and they only had Pepsi. And they would have always two liter Pepsi bottles. I would fill a whole glass. Like, her mom absolutely hated me. Wow. Because you were drinking all the Pepsi. Exactly.

And like, how were we doing that as children? I know. It's insane. And I mean, it turns out kids shouldn't be doing it is what they found out. Yeah. Panda crafted cocktails. I think that's kind of fun.

But I do not know what a refresher is. I liked it. I think it might have caffeine in it, but mine, I don't know. I had the what? Oh. I don't do well with caffeine at all. I'm not a caffeine guy.

Oh God. I'm not. All I drink. I can't. We also had the pomegranate. Lemonade. Pomegranate pineapple lemonade. Yes.

I don't have any additional copy here on the app in terms of what the watermelon mango flavor refresher actually is, so it doesn't say whether or not it has caffeine. Is there real mango in it? Again, all it says is the name of it. The descriptions were very, yeah, that's why I played it safe and got the lemonade. I liked it whatever it was.

I genuinely did like it. Oh, I liked our lemonade quite a bit. Yeah, these are all yummy. It was excellent. Yeah, I think it whatever it was. But you live on the yeah. I genuinely did like it. Oh, I liked our lemonade quite a bit. Yeah, these are all yummy. It was excellent. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like the only one that actually has added caffeine was the tea that I got. Oh, okay, okay.

Everything else was caffeine free. But if you need anything, I'm right here. Thank you. I get jittery with caffeine. That is caffeine free, Mitch. Oh, God, thank God. And is there real mango in there? Uh, I don't know.

Mango is also supposedly good for long COVID. I don't think they're putting that much mango in there that it's going to affect your health positively. You probably have to eat it. I'm also just like, I had to say to the doctor, I was like, when we were talking about long COVID, I was like, I know that like, methylene blue, I'm not one of those crazy people

that like is thinking methylene blue will help me or hydroxychloroclene or plain or whatever the fuck it is. What do you think, Panda Express beverages will? Yeah, with a two-drip mango. I do believe in maybe that mango has some mitochondrial effects. I do believe that. Why not? The fruit of all, holistically, you know, you eat fruit.

You feel better a lot of the time. I believe in stuff like that. I empathize with you, Mitch. You feel like something's wrong with you. You don't know exactly what it is. You think you've got it figured out, then you deal with skepticism from people who should be there to help you.

Thank you, Wives. That's a tough thing to confront. Look at this piece of shit right over there. I've been nothing but supportive since I got here. You were very, very, very, Holly was extremely supportive to me. I get health problems. I told you to take the medicine.

You told me to take medicine. You told me to take medicine. You told me to take medicine. And we also got some crab rangoon, which were also the, they're just the, I think they're technically called like the cream cheese rangoon or whatever. But this is a thing you hadn't had before. Well, I hadn't had them from. She hasn't had Panda Express.

I hadn't had them from Panda. I've had them from like. Oh, you've had them in general. I thought, okay, got it. I like anything with cream cheese. Yeah, me too. Same. Like I'm a Philadelphia roll it. I like anything with cream cheese. Yeah, me too. Same. Like, I'm a Philadelphia roll person.

Well, your husband. I know, from Philadelphia. Yeah. Well, outside Philadelphia, so I don't know if that counts. Do you have a favorite cream cheese? Philadelphia. Philadelphia, maybe. But, no, but I mean, like, do you have, like,

a favorite kind of varietal of cream cheese? Like, do you like, like, a plain? You like something with some scallions? It's funny, because Philadelphia cream cheese probably isn't the best. I mean, there's better cream cheese we both had. I like it plain, or I like it scallion. Yeah.

Yes, same. I don't like the veggie cream cheese. I don't need that. No, no, thank you. Do you like whipped, or do you like solid? I actually think I like solid more than I like whipped. I'll go either way. But for me, a cream cheese frosting also on a cake

is supreme. That's fun. Yeah. Supreme type of frosting. Those crab rangoon were hitting. When I did a NASCAP and Jason Kelsey was there. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And your husband was there as well. He didn't do the show. He just. He didn't do the show. He should have done the damn show. Because he was at the Eagles game. That's what it was. So he got really good seats for the Eagles game.

So it's like, as soon as the Eagles game was over, he like. Because it where they're playing the Rams? Is that what it was? Yeah, he booted over to UCB to try and see if he could meet Jason Kelsey. That's what it was. And it was our Christmas card this year. How exciting.

And he certainly did meet him. Yeah, the picture of the two of them is our Christmas card. Wow. I bought Jason Kelsey shots at Byrd's. I bought him tequila shots. And then I think I told you this, but I brought him another round of shots and he was like, god damn it Mitch.

So already within an hour of knowing me, Jason Kelsey's already like, god damn it this fucking annoying guy. No. With a $5 meal deal with new McValde, you pick a Mcdouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Prices and participation may vary.

Mcdouble meal $6 in some markets for a limited time only. We should get to our final thoughts on Panda Express, specifically the kids menu. So you've been on the podcast before, but just a refresher, we'll each go around, give a closing argument if you will, and give it a score from zero to five forks. We'll start with you, Matt Kowalik. Your thoughts on Panda Express, your fork score. I think Panda Express is probably one of my favorite fast food joints.

Wow. Wow. Top three, easy. Wow. Especially based on the amount of times I eat there. And by the way, you love McDonald's. I love McDonald's. And we shared that in common.

We both loved McDonald's. Though we also, you really love Domino's too, even though I told the story beforehand. I love Domino's, McDonald's, Panda. How you complained about the pizza being too crispy and getting a refund and then still eating the pizza. But I, I,

I, me and you would do a lot of the thin crust pizza together. We had a lot of great food. Look, I loved, we loved living, well sometimes. We loved living with each other sometimes. You guys should move back in together. That would be fun. That would be good.

I could see it. Christ guys should move back in together. That would be fun. That would be good. Chrissy would be all for it. I could see it. But I was gonna say, Domino's is huge for you, McDonald's is huge for you, but Panda Express joins those too, huh? Yeah, I think for me it's like my healthy fast food choice. Sure.

Or if it's like two or three o'clock and I'm like, fuck, I didn't eat lunch. I'm just gonna go to Panda and get my bowl. But today I got the cub meal with the teriyaki chicken and the fried rice and I thought both were gross. Oh no. Oh wow, okay. I thought the teriyaki chicken, I guess not gross. It was a little rubbery.

No, I didn't even wanna taste it. And I thought the fried rice was dry. I like the fried rice there, but I do actually think you're onto something where I think the fried rice was dry. I like the fried rice there, but I do actually think you're onto something where I think the steamed white rice is the way to go with some orange chicken. Though I do like that, I do like the fried, when I get a plate, I usually do half fried rice,

half chow mein, and then a little side of white rice. Yeah. And then I have bites of the other stuff. But I think your bowl, I think you got your bowl down to a science. I'm also such a creature of habit, I only get that bowl when I go there. Sure. What's the rating though?

What's your Fork score? Uh, four and a half. Four and a half forks, wow. Four and a half forks. Wow. Holly, your maiden voyage to Panda Express, your thoughts, your Fork score. You know what?

I went in expecting to not like it. I loved it. Wow. I thought it was very good. I will go again. I'll take my child. I'll order her this cub meal. I would switch my order to white rice.

But I'm going to give it five. Five. Five forks. I give five every time I come, guys. I love it. Five forks. I give five every time I come, guys. I love it. I love it. I think it's a great score. By the way, after I texted strike one to Amelia,

she sent me this website to an attorney that says, treat an unfailure at work. You may have some compensation. You may need that compensation. Ah, those Zoomers. Ah, those Zoomers. Ah, those Zoomers. Ah, those Zoomers. I don't think we're Zoomers.

Are you saying OK Zoomers? OK Zoomer, yeah, that is my thought. Hey, you got this thing wrong at work, I'm going to go to an attorney. Oh, she's back. I saw your text, finally. It was very funny. Um, I'll say this about Paint Express. It's a funny thing in that I didn't grow up with it,

but it does feel like an old classic friend that anytime I get that orange chicken, I'm enjoying it. Much like our two guests here today, Wags, two people I've been very close with for a very long time now. When did you move to LA? When did you and the crew of Canadians move to LA? I thought you were all out of your minds.

I think I was here 2009. 2009, there was a sketch you guys showed where like there was a video sketch. Somebody's butthole. Someone's butthole, it wasn't your butthole, but it was someone's butthole in your sketch group. It was very close up, you can't tell who it was and you couldn't even really tell it was a butthole unless you really knew. Sure was very close up. You can't tell who it was, and you couldn't even really

tell it was a butthole unless you really knew. Sure. And I was like, these Canadians are out of their mind, but I've known you for a very, very long time. With my sketch group, The Birthday Boys, and I've known you for a very long time. Is that when you realized you love buttholes? That was.

It was triggering in that way. That was great. But two people I'm very close with, and I don't see as much anymore as we get older. That makes me sad. But, but, uh, Well, we are hanging out without you, and we're having a good time. I am, I am, I am, I am happy, I am happy for that.

I love the both of you. I love your spouses, uh, uh, right? Does it make sense? The spouse? Yeah, that makes sense. Spouse I. I love both of you. I love both of your spouses.

And you've learned our children's names. And I know your children's name. You have two beautiful children. And the same thing with Panda Express. You know, I don't get it too often, which is probably good. I shouldn't get Panda Express too often. But every time I get it, well, it's always really hitting for me.

I always really, really enjoy Panda Express. It's a good meal. And having a kid's meal today, that's a satisfying kid's meal. That's a thing where I'm like, this is the, and when you're younger, a lot of the kid's meals were bullshit. We didn't really talk about that too much. You get a toy.

Happy meals for me also meant a lot. I liked happy meals and getting a ham, I got a hamburger happy meal because I didn't even cheeseburgers back in the day. But a hamburger happy meal, I know. A hamburger happy meal with fries and a toy. Like, you know, that was like my favorite thing in the world. There's no toy here.

And I do think that that hurts the Panda Cub. But also, like, if they're going to pair with, like, some- You need to unlock your iPhone first. What? Yeah, thanks, Mitch. You know what? The last episode I listened to, you were futzing with your phone.

I'm sorry. I write things down and I look at them. But it's better than them pairing with some unknown animated movie. Do you know how sometimes if they don't get a good enough thing, you're a bit like, we don't want this. Yeah. Yeah, no, I agree with that. Right.

You got the C tier, you know, direct. They're down the line. Right, right, yeah. Burger Kings and stuff. The autofocus toy. Yeah, they're down the line from those Burger Kings and stuff. The autofocus toy. Uh, I actually really did think that that meal though, despite not having a toy, which it would be fun to have.

Yeah, no activity either. Like sometimes they'll give you like a coloring book or something. Right. Yeah, and you can get any drink you, and that, I think that would do it. They should just give a small coloring book or something with crayons. But, and I think that would put it over the top. But I do think, since you can get any drink you want, I think the apple juice is bullshit,

and I do think that the apple slices are bullshit. But that meal itself, that small meal with some rice and some veggies and the orange chicken, how can you beat that for a kid's meal? It's fantastic. I didn't hate the apples. Is there something wrong with me? I mean, they just were whatever. You get a whole ass fucking apple at Panera. I feel like that should be the standard for an apple.

Yeah, but how mealy are those things? Yeah, and you're eating a bowl also. I don't know, but I just don't like the dried apples wedges. I've come around to their side. I don't need the apple. And also the price, he's right. The price is, it's not a bad price, right? What is it, 10 bucks? Yeah, 10, 11 bucks for each cup meal.

Maybe kind of, okay. I mean, it's everything now. It's everything. But if I'm, should I rank Panda on its own, or should I just rank it based on the kid's meal? I mean, it's up to you. We always pick our own metric. It's really important that you get it right, though.

And what they're trying to do, I look, I think just as a restaurant and even as a kid's meal, even though I wish they had a toy, and I could deduct it and give four and a half, but I'm going with this couch, because this is the better couch. This is the stage actor's couch. That's right.

And that's why I'm giving it five. Four. Wow. Show Lord him five. Such rabbit talks. Such presence. Can I go back and give it a five? No, Four. Wow. She'll hoard him five. Such gravitas. Such presence. Can I go back and give it a five? No, you can't.

No, you can't. He can. He can. And I thought about it. It's because my kid eats it. Yeah. It's one of the only things she eats. Yeah.

So I'm giving it a five. Looks like you're joining the stage actors. You can follow the cool kids. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yes! I like Panda Express a lot, and it's kind of grown in esteem for me over the course of this podcast, because it's a place that I used to go to a lot, and I go to less, and

then every time we revisit, I'm like, wait, no, this is better than I remember. This is, the Panda Express is, it's hidden to borrow a phrase from you, Mitch. It's a really consistent, weren't you saying that? Didn't you say it was hidden? Yeah, didn't you come up with that? I mean, I have said it, but I think I'm always jokingly saying it because I've heard it said. I don't, it is, why is it was hidden today?

As Mitch likes to say, Panda Express was hidden. And it's generally quite consistent. It's a good value. It's a place where, again, you go there and you'll see people from all classes lined up to, you know, in a queue for lunch, which to me is like a sign of its quality. And again, just to restate its value.

When you see classes, you're not talking some high school that you're going by? You got the biology kids there, chemistry kids. They're all there. But I don't know. I just really like their proteins. I really like the simplicity of their menu. I feel like when they try new things, it's working.

And I think as kids- For what they're trying to do. For what they're trying to do as kids meals, these cub, the Panda Cub meals, first off, very cute name. And second off, I think it's a really effective, really effective lunch. They don't give you a toy, but they do do give you something fun, which is a fortune cookie. I guess there's always a toy at a Panda Express with the fortune cookie. We have four fortune cookies here. We're all going to open ours up. And I think we can do this, and then

we'll reveal my fork score. We're crinkling lots of plastic in the microphone, which everyone at Misophonia will love. As far as C-Wise, you're not doing it correctly. For me, you have to eat half the cookie before you read the fortune cookie. Really? I've never heard this before.

Anyone else heard this? I heard you have to read it before you eat the cookie. Yeah, that's what I've always heard. Oh, god. Mm. You eat half the cookie before you read the fortune cookie. Well,'s what I've always heard. Oh, God. You eat half a cookie before them. Well, I'm doing it my way. Could you say that again?

I ate half a cookie, half of a half, to sort of go in the middle. That's smart. Here's mine. Your golden years will be happy and fulfilling. How about that? I got news for you. Wow, are you in them?

Yeah, is this it? Okay, Qualic. Your smile lights up a room. Oh my God. I don't like the fortunes that are just like a description of you, yeah. Well, this one really root for the underdog. That's just advice.

Yeah, and I'm not taking it. Yeah. None of you guys added that hilarious thing in bed afterwards, which always takes it to the next level, fortunes. Your smile brings happiness to others. Oh, wow. That's better than mine, mine just lights up a room.

Yours lights up and yours brings happiness? Mine brings happiness. My other one was actually, was very hopeful. For me, it was very hopeful because I've been dealing with some stuff. And it did say this wise. Your other one, you open another fortune cookie before. I had two fortune cookies.

Your water fast will work. Your water fast will work. You love water. Any troubles you have will pass shortly. That's nice. Wow. I hope that comes true for you. Plus, I mean in Judei. Hey, either way, the problem solved. I think I got the worst one.

Yeah, I think so too. It's cause yours isn't even about you. No. Yeah, that's a bummer. Do you wanna try it? There's one cookie left. There is one more cookie left. No, you know what?

I stick with what I got. Wow. I am the underdog and I'm rooting for myself. Oh, nice. I love that. Anyway, I have no reason to deviate from the consensus based off today's experience. And I like that this chain is immigrant founded and still family owned.

I'm gonna give this five forks. So welcome to the Platinum Play Club Panda Express. I think that's where you belong. Five forks! Oh my God! This is a great day. And you know what this also means? You guys are stage actors.

We're stage actors. What the fuck was that? I don't know. I don't know. Hey, it's time for a single. Qualic almost ruined it with four and a half forks right out of the gate, you fool. You know what?

I'm sorry. If you hadn't retconned to five, I was going to do four and a half. But after you did, I was like, I might as well. Hey, we got a beverage. We're going to decide if you should pour it down your throat. It's Drank or Stank. and Amelia is busting this out now. We have Sprite Plus Tea, a refreshing take on tea. Sprite Plus Tea is exactly as it sounds,

a mighty collision of lemon, lime and natural tea flavors. Still caffeine-free and delicious, try some. That's interesting that they've added iced tea but it's still caffeine-free. But you know what, I'm glad you said that because I would have avoided this product. I'm gonna open this other one up. I feel like it makes sense because I feel like Sprite is the soda of choice for people who don't want caffeine.

For sure. I usually will pick Sprite if I'm trying to avoid caffeine. Yeah, that makes sense to keep it caffeine free. No, that's my dinner soda. Yeah. Yeah, I always order it at wherever I am and go, if I have the regular soda, I'll be up all night. Exactly. And it's a piece of information that people don't want to hear. Now we're talking piss color earlier. We're talking piss color early. And this is usually piece of information that people don't want to hear. Now, we were talking piss color earlier. We were talking piss color earlier,

and this is usually my piss color right here. Yeah. Oh, that's healthy. Chestnut brown. Chestnut brown piss. OK, we're just trying it? Yeah, we can take a sip. We're drinking out of the head gum mason jars.

Damn. Mama likes. That's not too bad. Yeah, it's really good. That's pretty good. Are they trying to go for like an Arnold Palmer, like lemon and tea? Yes, and it weirdly, I did not think it would work. Hold on, I'm going to walk these over so you can taste these. It's really good, you should try it.

Like, I'm going to order this. I'm shocked. Is this any healthier for you or is it just as bad? I can't imagine. So this bottle, which is a 20 ounce bottle, is 230 calories and 123% of your daily sugar. So I think it's just as bad. Yeah, very healthy.

It's really good if you add a Jolly Rancher and some liquid codeine. Whoa. Sizzurp. Yeah, we know. The Houston boys teaching us about Sizzurp. I do like this quite a bit, and I do think that it must be, so it must be a caffeine-free tea that they put in here, too.

I like it. I can't believe that this works. It's like a more intense kind of warmer, yeah. I literally have seen ads for this and been like, no thanks. And now look at me drinking my words. You know what? This is like what the lemon brisk iced tea should taste like. I've seen ads for this and been like, no thanks. And now look at me drinking my words. I have no idea. This is like what the lemon brisk iced tea should taste like. Yes, that's what it reminds me of.

But this is like a better version of that. Way better. Yeah, this is a drink for me. Hold on a second, I like the lemon brisk. Oh no. More than this? No, no, no, you're right. I like the Arizona iced tea.

Yeah, the Arizona iced tea is good. No, but I think this is quite good. And this gives that vibe to it. This is, why? Because I'm going to say it. Drank. It's a drank. This is a drank for me.

I wonder if it's, I wonder if there's a zero version of this. It's hitting. Wow, he's saying it. Wow, he's hitting. It's hitting. What did you say? I'm saying it. He's saying it.

He's saying it. The famous phrase. Drank or stank for you. Drank. Drank. Wow, dranks all around. Dranks for the deus. What do you guys think over there? Drank. Yeah, that's saying it. He's saying it. The famous phrase. Drank or stank for you? Drank. Drank. Wow. Dranks all around. Drank for the dayus. What do you guys think over there? Drank. Yeah, that's really good. Amelia finished the rest of that bottle.

She doesn't usually drink soda. I don't like soda. You could also make your own at home and make it healthier just regular iced tea. Will you shut the fuck up? Wait, you're making Sprite at home? Sprite? Do you think you could order like an iced... Okay, so you can buy a Sprite and pour it into a non-caffeine iced tea?

You dipshit. What if I bought like an iced tea at McDonald's and a Sprite and then I just like, them into a cup together? That's not a bad idea. An unsweetened iced tea? Yeah. That could, maybe it would work, but I don't know. I just think that like, the mix of this is pretty great.

They've hit a golden ratio here, whatever it is. I have no reason to do my own alchemical approximation of it when I can just get this one out of the bottle. It's quite good. Fair. Just like a restaurant of all your feedback, let's hop to the feedback. Today's email is from Ben S. Ben writes,

White Castle and TGI Fridays have had frozen versions of their food in grocery stores for years. But during recent trips to the store, I saw Wendy's canned chili and Wendy's square beef patties. I've seen the chili in the wild. What were the ones that he said that are in stores? White Castle, TGI Friday.

TGI Friday, right. And California Pizza Kitchen is another one. There are plenty of examples. I have not seen the Wendy's square beef patties in the wild, but I have seen the Wendy's canned chili. I have seen the square beef patties in the grocery store. I literally went, why? Yeah, why?

That's weird. Are there any other chains that you'd like to see expand with fresh or frozen versions of their foods in grocery stores? I mean, how about Panda Express? Not a bad idea. Panda Express frozen. Yeah.

Frozen orange chicken. Yeah, they could do an orange chicken bowl. Why wouldn't Wendy's do something like where they could have the frosty? That would be fun. That would make more sense to me. Yeah, because that's yummy. But it's probably hard to get that consistency and have it be in the frosty. That would be fun. That would make more sense to me. Yeah, because that's yummy. But it's probably hard to get that consistency

and have it be in the freezer aisle. Because it's kind of like the semi sort of softness to it, right? Have you ever had that there's like soft serve ice cream in a pouch? I have, yes. Yeah. You're thinking like that with a frosty.

Yeah. That could work. Because those pouches of soft serve are delicious. Yes. Oh, yeah. That semi-soft level is hard to attain. Yeah. Not for me, but.

Oh my god. I love cookie dough. I was just wondering, could they make like a donut dough? You do love dough. Like a cold donut dough? Oh, that's fun. That's an interesting idea. I like that koalik.

So you'd be like a crispy, because they had crispy cream. Dunkin' Donuts love dough. Like a cold dough. Oh, that's fun. That's an interesting idea. I like that, Koalik. So you got like a crispy, cause they had crispy cream. Like Dunkin' Donuts doughnut dough. Cause I'm a bitch. There was a time during the crispy cream bubble, just to close this up, where they had crispy cream at the end of the aisle, like they had Entenmann's.

You could just get them at the grocery store. They still have it, it's not as good. It's not as good, and I don't like that, but if they had a version of like, hey, you can get the crispy cream Kreme glazed donut like dough, and you can do whatever you want with it, that would be that. Anything you want. Anything.

What? Ew! What are you going to say, Mitch? Well, I have two ideas. One is just to go on this Popeyes thing. They give you the orange chicken, and then it's not glazed yet. You put it in the air fryer. You can cook it in the

air fryer and then add the orange glaze afterwards. I think it would be a good approximation for what it is. The glaze is like in a packet. The glaze is in a packet. I think that's a way to do it. Yeah, that's why it doesn't get all soggy. I bet it's... Yeah, that would be delicious. The air fryer is the way... Yeah, you get the crispiness and then yeah, that's probably... Because it's fried anyways. Fried and then flash frozen. I think that's the way to make it. And then you cook it, we heat it up in the air fryer. And then the other thing I was gonna say, Jersey Mike deli meat.

Interesting. Like a branded deli meat from Jersey Mike. But the thing is, it's not pre-sliced there. They slice it up for you. Oh, they did. We just shut up for five seconds. Please, let me say this. Go ahead.

You could put it at the part of the grocery store where they slice it for you. Yes, please, also you please Shut up for five seconds, please, let me say this. Go ahead. You could put it at the part of the grocery store where they slice it for you. Yes, please, also you please shut up for five seconds. He's always telling women to shut up. Quallic, shut the fuck up. You have a package that's the Italian sandwich and it just isn't a line, all the meats and the cheese. Oh, like you could open it and just like slap it onto some bread aligned all the meats and the cheese.

Oh, like you can open it and just like slap it onto some bread and your sandwich is ready? Yes. But what about Mike's Whey sauce? You get like little packets of the vinegar. You can add little packets of like vinegar. There's a packet of Mike's Whey vinegar in the... This is...

He just sold it, Mike just sold it. This is a... Did you call me Mike? No, but Mike did sell it. Oh, he did, oh right. Jersey Mike just sold it. This is a... Did you call me Mike? No, but Mike did sell it. Oh, he did, all right. Jersey Mike just sold it. We're very upset about it. Well, Peter Cancro is the owner, yes.

He sold, is it Blackstone or Blackrock Capital? I forget which one it is. Old Cancro. Oh yeah, I think it is Blackrock Capital. Whichever one it is, one of those onerous, multinational private equity funds that owns everything now. Come on, it's not a bad idea.

What did you say, Gorg? And then they destroy the brand. They do, yes, this is the issue. What about the bread? Wow. Because I just feel like what you're describing is like, now I'm just getting all the individual components that they have at Jersey Mike's.

Me as a consumer, I'm like, at this point I'm just going to the Jersey Mike's. But what if you don't live near one? Now I do live near one. There we go. And I will say, people get into car accidents driving into the Jersey Mikes all the time. You live like one block from one. I live one block from Jersey Mikes.

It was once held hostage by a man with a knife. I'm sorry about that. But my issue is people when they get hungry for Jersey Mikes have lose the ability to drive their cars because I've seen multiple accidents right outside. That's wild. Where people are coming into the parking lot just being like, ah, the subs.

I think of that more as like an In-N-Out Burger or a Raisin Canes thing, the big drive-through queue where people are getting into fisticuffs. Oh, well our drive-through in Eagle Rock, the line for it backs up into the freeway. That's annoying. It's so bad. That's very annoying.

That's rough stuff. Yeah, that's in Quincy, you know, the Popeyes in Quincy would like, it would go out into the artery. That's the issue. Wow. And the Popeyes will go right to your arteries. That's true, Gawd. That's the other issue. Yes, yes, you're right.

I do think that you could do the Italian, and then like, hey, you want the bread? It's in your grocer's freezer. You know what I mean? Like a. Sure, yeah. You could buy all these components. And I think it would work as like, hey, a 12-

Sounds like it would be more than a Jersey Mike sandwich. I'm not investing. I'm not investing. All right, you know, maybe I fucked up here. I don't think you fucked up. We're just pitching here. No one's fucking up. We're just throwing ideas out.

I think you absolutely fucked up. We're throwing out good ones. How about, we mentioned it earlier, I don't feel like enough of these ice cream chains to make their product available in grocery stores. The man wants handles pints. Yeah, we'll maybe get a handles pint. I don't know what's wrong with that.

It'd be kind of nice. What about a bag of frozen McDonald's nuggies that you could just make at home anytime you wanted? Like that too. Another Air Fryer. McDonald's nuggets, I'm shocked. Enterprise. I mean, they have not put those out for a reason, anytime you wanted. Like that too. Another Air Fryer. McDonald's nuggets. I'm shocked.

Enterprise. I mean, they have not put those out for a reason, because they could. Because then they have to list the ingredients. Yeah. Maybe the issue. That might be it. Maybe they have a secret god.

That might be the. Yeah, exactly. 10% beak, 8% chicken hand. Chicken hand? What the fuck? These chickens have hands. What is it called? No, no, I know. percent chicken hand. Chicken hand, what the fuck? Cheese chicken hand. What is it called?

No, no, I'm saying if I read that on the thing, I would say what the fuck is going on here? And then you'd say yum. I mean, yes, I wouldn't care that much. I still would eat them, but I'm like, that's a thing with McDonald's where a McFlurry too would be fun, a mixed up McFlurry. Yeah, that might be fun.

McDonald's McFlurries in your grocer's freezer would kill. I think I'm just like about as far as sit down chains. I think they do have, you can buy the mix for the red lobster cheddar bay biscuits, which is nice. But like, I also feel like that is just an extra step of like, now I've just got to whip this thing up. Where I think the version that Ben S is talking about is the one where it's just basically a heat and serve.

Well, I will say too, in Canada, you can buy the Swiss Chalet sauce, which you guys have had. Yes, that sauce is great. It's so good. It's so distinct. You can buy it, but it's not as good. It's never as good as when you go to the place. That's kind of, I wonder,

is part of the utility of these products is that they remind you to go to the store? Cause you get the Krispy Kreme donut at the Vons, and then you're eating it, and then you're like, well, the Kroger Krispy Kreme isn't hitting, but now I want Krispy Kreme. Well, I will say this. I went to a Krispy Kreme in Pasadena,

because there's not that many Krispy Kremes. And I watched the guy box up the Krispy Kremes, and he was just doing it from like pre-made. Like, it looked like they get their shipment in the morning. Like, they're not making them there. So I will like they're not making them. Oh, that's disappointing. So I will say they weren't that good. Yeah, that's a bummer. Because like when Krispy Kreme first opened in Canada, people went crazy.

Like there was like a five-hour lineup to get into the Krispy Kreme. Oh, I remember when it expanded west, when it opened up in LA for the first time, and that was a big novelty. Never really impressed me that much. I know that like I- Me neither. When it opened up in Austin, I remember when I was in college, everyone was obsessed with it time and that was a big novelty. Never really impressed me that much. I know that like I- Me neither. When it opened up in Austin, I remember when I was in college, everyone was obsessed with it and I was like,

if you get a hot one- No, shipplies. I agree. No, if you get a hot one, they're so hot glazed. I mean, that is also true. The original glazed hot is very good, is what I found out. It's good, yeah. It's like their orange chicken.

It's their star attraction. It's just as whatever. Is there any meat, like KFC chicken breast or something? Would that be interesting? The Wendy's burger, I feel like that meat's a little sweeter than other. Yeah, I would be interested in trying it. I think the square is fun.

I hate it. I don't want it hanging off my bun. Oh, I think it's kind of fun. Oh, it's fun. Is that fun to you guys? You're being a Karen again. We just went back to Chili's, and we're in the midst of a Chili's renaissance.

I feel like Chili's should, while they're in the zeitgeist, be like, let's come up with some grocery store versions of our most popular dish. What's that? Santa Fe egg rolls. Yeah, sure. Some of their apps. The Bloomin' Onion is, I think you could get it

in the fruit grocery freezer, right? Yeah, the Bloomin' Onion, the Outback Steakhouse version. I thought you could. Outback, I think, had some frozen stuff. They might have. I don't know if you can recreate that Bloomin' think. Yeah, the Bloomin' Onion, the Outback Steakhouse version. I thought you could. Outback, I think, had some frozen stuff. I'm gonna be wrong. I don't know if you can recreate that Bloomin' Onion. Yeah. Well, the fried stuff can be hard,

but also, I think it is the stuff that you can get closest to with an air fryer or something. That's a tough one, but you could do those mozzarella planks that they have there. You could do the Southwest Egg Rolls. You could do some of their apps. And also, you could do something. They could have a baby back ribs version. Ooh. Because the TGA Friday stuff You could do some of their apps. And also, you could do something like they could have like a baby back ribs version.

Ooh. Because the TGA Friday stuff is, I think, potato skins and mozzarella sticks. Yeah. Because I've had those. Yeah. And they're not, I think they're OK. They're not too bad.

Yeah, the potato skins, I get down on a potato skin every once in a while. This is making me realize how many Marie Callender's meals I used to eat. That used to be a big thing. Oh, right. That was a big heat at home thing. And that's, you know, that again comes

from a restaurant brand, but I think the take home actually, the grocery store business actually did better than the restaurants. Would you be interested in if there was like, it's like KFC brand chicken, raw chicken in your grocery? Raw chicken? No, why would I do that? That's what I'm asking.

Or what about a KFC bird? You could bring the bird home. Like a physical bird? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a live chicken? No. Why would I do that? That's what I'm asking. Or what about a KFC bird? You could bring the bird home. Like a physical bird? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a live chicken? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is a KFC raised or KFC branded chicken? Yes, yes.

I'm not investing in that one either. I don't either. Would you have this and assemble your own pliable frozen dang? Amelia, you just hit on his- A frozen flat pliable would be pretty nice. You just hit on the thing that he has fallen in love with in the last month or so. I know, I wish there was fucking Paya out here,

but it's just not available. Oh, you're, what's Paya? He loves Paya Bowl. Paya Bowl is great, we had it in Newark, it's delightful, it's just the best version of the Acai Bowl. Which I have never had either. Wow. Don't go to Oakberry,

there's an Oakberry on this block, Oakberry sucks, but Paya Bowl is the anti-Oakberry. It is sublime. And there aren't any in the West Coast. Just to show you what a psycho he is, I think he would maybe move to a city that had Plyable because he's insane. Zach Cherry said he would move to LA

if Dillboy's Media opened a Plyable franchise here. He said he'd move here to manage it for us. Zach's managing the Plyable?. Zach, you got so much better things going on than managing our pryable. That's something bringing life to me. If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at feedback at birdfuck.com or leave us a voicemail at 830-GO-DOE. That's 830-463-6844. Our producers

Emma Erdbrink, our associate producers Amelia Marino, our supervising video producer Casey Donahue, our video editor, Mike Dorfman. You can find our apparel and merchandise, including our 10-year anniversary shirt at kinshipgoods.com slash doughboys. And you can subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash doughboys.

Ten-year anniversary shirt. Get it now. It's a spoon and a burger in the shape of a ten. We've done it for 10 years, you know that, whatever. Congratulations. It's a spoon and a burger in the shape of a 10. We've done it for 10 years. You know that. Whatever. Congratulations. That's really great. This is our 501st episode.

That's right? This is it? I think so, yeah. Wags, I want to give a thank you on the last episode. I didn't give a good thank you. So I just want to say thank you to everyone who's listened and for everyone who has contributed to the show. And anyway, all of our guests, like our two

lovely, hilarious friends that are here today, and all of our guests in the past. And I just want to thank Mike Cassidy for always giving us his music and Chris Van Arsdalen for giving us his art. And Yousong and Dropking and Fish, who do the Discord, and Vinod, who does our Wikipedia, and of course, Amelia, Emma, Mike, and Casey.

We love all of you. Onion, Headgum, everyone at Headgum, Sam from Patreon. And then of course, the big man, Evan Susser, who we love dearly. I thought you were gonna say Adam Conover. And Adam Conover. Just some shout outs for me. And hopefully I didn't miss anybody,

but I wanted to, you said some very nice things on the last episode, so I wanted to say some people. That was lovely, Mitch. And hey, you know who else we should thank? Our guests, Matt Koala, Collie Prowsoff. Screen Timers is the podcast. Mitch and I are guesting on an episode about the movie Parenthood, which I don't know

if this is coming out first or that's coming out first. I think ours will come out first, but that's cool. So people should check that out. Come out before next Thursday. Yeah, it comes out. Next Tuesday. Yeah, this Tuesday. Damn.

So as of now, you can go and listen to the Doughboyz crossover episode in the Screen Timers feed. Go check that out, and have that be your jumping on point. Nick, we should record that right now. ["SCHOOL BALLS"] Great idea. But please plug the show again and tell everyone about it.

Yeah, if you're a parent and you like comedy and you like hearing other comedian parents talk about raising kids and screen time and- And the shows that their kids, the shows YouTube channels or movies are kids like, and they probably hate. Yeah, we talk about it all. It's kind of like a safe space for parents to listen to.

Other parents talk about how they honestly feel about screen time. And everything else. Yeah. Well, there you go. And everything else. Yeah. Well, there you go. I love it. Give it a listen. Check that out.

And also don't go anywhere. Keep listening. Keep watching to this episode for a bonus segment with Alex and Fred, the team behind Doughboy's the comic book. That'll be coming up right after this. That'll do it for this episode of Doughboy's. It'll be next time for the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell.

I'm Tiger Warrior. Happy eating. See ya. Stick around. Hey buddy, we have a bonus segment on today's episode, celebrating the launch of Doughboy's- Bonus. The comic book.

Wow. Bonus segment. Bonus segment for Doughboy's the comic book, Mitch. Bonus segment. Issue one is shipping now. Some of you already have it in your hands as of this episode's release. Issues two through six are coming soon.

Get your own. I have a prediction, Wags. They got that comic in their hand. They're not putting it down till they're on the last page. It's a page-turner. It is a page-turner. We'll get into it. Get yours in the...

Much like The Great Gatsby. Mm, yes. Or Catcher in the Rye. Can you name a third book? The Old Man in the Sea. In the? The Old Man by, oh and the Sea. There you go.

Get your- I read that one, you know. Did you really? Yeah. What's your favorite part? The ocean. I believe they called it the sea. Oh, yeah. There's a lot of interpretations on that.

Go ahead, Mike. I just want to direct people. I can't argue with Emma about literature all day. I'll just, this is ridiculous. I just want to direct, make sure people, if you don't already have your copy of Doughboyz the comic book, you can get yours at BRkids.com.

And with us today for this segment, the team who made this bad boy happen, Doughboyz the comic book and get yours at BRkids.com. And with us today for this segment, the team who made this bad boy happen, Doughboyz the comic book writer, Alex Fehrer and artist Fred C. Stressing. Alex, Fred, so happy to have you both. Hello, hello, hello. Hi, thank you for having us. I can't-

Guys, you're probably, the people are gonna be praising you over this comic. Oh my God. And if they're pissed off, it is their fault. So we just let them know. Yeah. I think they're gonna- That's what I say whenever they complain about my work. Yeah.

Bring me your rage. I'm here. Shout out the show. We can't, we really are speaking of praise. We can't praise you all enough for what you put together. The comic book is so great. The story is so compelling. It's very funny and the art is phenomenal. It's really exceeded my expectations in every way.

So thank you to you both for putting this together. And congratulations on the show. Or on the comic. Yeah, congratulations to you both. Sorry, why is it a minute to cut off there? Thank you very much. Alex, you put so much time and work into this. And I think the story is great, and it really pays off.

And Fred, like Wig said, it just looks so damn cool. It looks fantastic. It looks fantastic. Oh my goodness. Thank you very much. It really does. Real quick, shout out Meg Casey, my wife and colorist, for also bringing it to these pages.

She does an amazing job on these. Thank you for doing awesome work. She's half of the creative team, art wise. But I will also take the rest of your praise, thank you. So I wanna just go back a little bit because Alex, this was an idea that you brought to us. I did, was, yes. Yeah.

Hello, I'm loud. I'll quiet down. Yeah, it wasn't like, Fred and I, I'll quiet down. Yeah. It wasn't like Fred and I, we were working on Rick and Morty back in the day. Yes. The Rick and Morty comic. Oh yes, the Rick and Morty comic book, the picture book.

Little worse on the show, but a lot better to read, don't worry. And as the like, we're like licensed comics people now and we're like, oh, which license would we want to work on? And I was like, oh, which license would we wanna work on? And I was like, I wanna work on a Doughboy's book. And I began, like the first issue plot of this, I thought of like about five years ago and then I was having dinner with you, Nick. That's right.

Tiger Weiger. Get the name right. And yeah. And you asked me like, oh, what would you wanna work on? It's like, funny thing you mentioned. And I pitch you the whole plot of the first issue about a cop eating bad fast food that you eat every day and he dies

and Nick and Mitch go on the run. Not the spoil page eight of this wonderful book. So, you know, obviously, the, obviously the, the, the story you put together, the art, I want to talk about Fred real quick from that side. Like, like, I have a question for Fred. Is it true that you took, you just, you just basically took the character design of Violator from Spawn and then, and then added a baseball hat on it and that was me. Yeah. I also got rid of some of the makeup.

It was like a big mess. So I'm sure it was a process. Yeah, it's mostly just Violator. See, I know Violator from Spawn. I was so impressed by that. I did Google his name, but I do remember him. Do you, like, Fred, I'm curious on the art side, what is your process for the character designs? like I'm not sure how often you're you're drawing comics versions of real people

Including me and Mitch and the whole team Yeah, that's not often. Um, so that was kind of I mean first of all you guys were nice enough to send me a bunch Of photos, um, which I have saved way deep in my hard drive Yeah, no, I've got a bunch of reference you guys took, which was great, very helpful. Like I was saying- Did Weigar send you any with his shirt on? I'm not going to disclose that.

No, yeah, it was an interesting process. I was basically trying to do something that was like my style, but also design it looking like you guys, looking like the guests and stuff. And sort of kind of come up with this cartoon mix of just like, I don't know, trying to come up with a good way for everyone to look in that style. Because everything I've done professionally to this point really has been, I've done Rick and Morty, I've done some Invaders M.

And all that stuff has been really've done Rick and Morty, I've done some Invaders M, and all that stuff has been really specific in the way that the characters look and are designed. So having that freedom to really just go a little bit more, lean more into how I just naturally draw has been really great. It's interesting to see your process as someone who is not involved on the comic side at all.

And I didn't know, actually really know how a comic was scripted and what your process as collaborators was. But my favorite thing I see is, if in one of these scripts, and you two obviously have a longstanding working relationship, so you have something of a shorthand, but Alex will sometimes write like a,

for a page splash, just write like, Fred, feel free to go nuts with this one. Yes, yeah, those, those, there are the Fred Goes Crazy pages, which is one of my favorites. Yeah, yeah, we've been doing those with this one. Yes. Yeah, those are the Fred Goes Crazy pages, which is one of my favorites. Yeah, yeah. Awesome. Our favorites, too. Doing those since, I think, our first book, the Rick and Morty bird person issue, which...

Yeah, I'm just gonna plug all our other stuff, sorry. Yeah. But yeah, no, that was one of the first ones we did that with, and it was sort of like, oh, this turned out really good. We should do this more going forward. I want to go back to your process for of like, oh, this turned out really good. We should do this more going forward. I wanna go back to your process for writing, because Alex, you put together these scripts, and I think we talked about it,

we would have talked about it on the Patreon episode that was out earlier this week, but you and I have known each other for a while. We were both onion contributors back in the day. You're talking onion, the parody newspaper. That's right, yes. You weren't onion contributors. We didn't contribute to a vegetable.

Okay, all right, good. Yeah, yeah, I wanna make sure some people don't know. An onion consumer, certainly. That is true. I like eating them. Are you an onion fan of vegetable? I am from the Soviet Union. Nasty ass onions are a key part of my cultural heritage.

You get a good lox bagel with an onion. Onions are important for my career, for my diet. I wanna just thank them. Wow, I love that. Yeah. So we work together. Fried onion, onion praise to toss on? Onion enthusiast here.

I like them. Oh my gosh. I like them fried. Give me an onion ring, I'm good. I love it. I know from working with you in the past that like, you know, I mean this in a nice way, you are a lot.

Yeah. And so like your scripts are very much just like you, like just, I feel like just a lot of times just like thought dumping out on the page. They're kind of sprawling, they're kind of all over the place, but they're also so unique and unexpected. That's part of the fun of them.

You're very, very kind. Some might say, mm, less than professional, but I say entertaining, baby. Yeah. Thank you. Do you, like, as you two have worked together, like, Fred, like, I mean, are you used to getting these tomes in Google Doc forms and figuring out how to decipher them?

Yeah, no, absolutely. It's always weird for me when I see a page and I go, hey, Alex, I'm going to add more panels to this because it needs more panels. Because Alex, you write these intense, I know you love your nine panel grids, your Alan Moore style, Tom King style writing. And I love to draw those and break things down into these tiny moments. And that's really fun. But yeah, it's like the Fred Goes Crazy stuff where he gives me like a handful of ideas and as I'm drawing I'm like how much can I reasonably fit on the page and then we sort of go back and forth on like what's the most important joke here what's the what could we like chop or whatever and

it sort of gets whittled from there but yeah Alex is like a great collaborator on that and it's one of my favorite things about working with you. Fred likes doing good, that's why I love working with Fred, I like to do good work. I try. Yeah, he's very passionate, he likes doing the good weird shit, because I am.

Yeah. Can be very annoying for the wrong artist. Before my dear friend Fred, he finds that charming, that's a good friendship. I'm a fan. He's annoying and people like. I'm your friend, Fred. He finds that charming. That's a good friendship. I'm a fan. I'm a fan. I'm a fan of people like. Well, I mean, again, it just, it's,

we're so, so happy with the comic. It's, I mean, I think the podcast is bad. And I, and, and, and, you know, embarrassing a lot of times. Sure, certainly. It's success inexplicable, but the comic is like, I have trouble understanding the emotion of pride, but I do feel like the comic is something that I'm proud of.

I'm proud that the Doughboys are part of it. I think it's very, very good. I think so too, Wags. What a beautiful thing to say, thank you. I think we were for sure when we first started this, when we first started this, we were like, what the hell is this gonna be? Who knows? Exactly.

And then I think we were so happy with the way that- Yeah, that it's actually good. I'm just like, Lord. Part of the reason I wanted to do this is I'm gonna keep praise, which might be cut. I'm sorry, I don't know if it's off brand, but I do think you are the two funniest people kind of like doing it right now.

That's very kind. A lot of people would describe us as a lot. A lot. That's what's good. I'm a lot, we just had a big spiel about how I'm a lot. But it is just like, as a fan of the great old comedies where people just found the right two personalities, mashed them together, it was like, oh my God,

this is my dream to do like a Doughboy's movie. Because I've been a fan of you since I was like 21. Since I was like moved to the LA and the UCB, the birthday boys You know everything you did first time I met you you were doing like stand-up for the birthday boys pilot As well. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I said the city did a great job Yeah, you did do a great job in that state idea. It was my one day working as a warm-up comic And it was a long ass hardest day ever worked in my life. It's a freeze-frame into my brain. It was the hardest day ever worked in my life. It's a freeze frame into my brain. It was brilliant work.

But it was just like, yeah, my dream, if I could just do a slate of comedies, it would just be just like all this great UCB talent I saw when I was so young, and this comic was a chance to do just that. That's very kind of you to say. It's very. I mean, I think you're wrong, by the way.

Yeah, I know. This is why I'm breaking K-Fave. This is terrible. It's a bad show, apparently. Which I laughed too hard at, but that's okay. That's a one to please. We need it. It fills up for the space where people aren't laughing. Coke heavy today. I like, I just noticed that and I like it. I just want to point it out. Yeah. I mean, I just, I kind of, you have those days. It's like, I'm just fucking going for it. I just want to fucking coke. I'm gonna like coke heavy. I love it.

140 calories of sugar just straight to the dome. 78% of my daily intake of sugar and one can who gives a fuck You gotta do it read you gotta do it Fred. Do you have like a lot of praise like See I Not living in LA. I'm much more familiar with both of you from the podcast scene. So although I did, I was familiar with birthday boys and a big fan of that when that started up. But like I know why you're from a lot of his comedy bang bang appearances before I got to dough boys. And yeah, no, I love your guys stuff and it's amazing. I haven't had the chance to see you guys perform in person or do any like pilot warmups.

But yeah, you guys are amazing. We can get you back in the pilot warmup circle. I can pay some- That was my calling. I mean, not the IFC birthday boys pilot. Yes, yeah. But some of those can pay some hard cash. Yeah, memory serves that was unpaid.

I love it. Again. I'm repeating myself. The comic is so great. I think it maybe was unpaid, but it was a really great opportunity for you. Yeah. Good exposure, right? Yeah. If we didn't use you, we would have had to have like an AI comic do the warm up. Fuck AI. That's a joke. Fuck AI, we can all agree, fuck AI. Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah.

You said that like a Chicago, 1930 Chicago guy. I'm ready. I'm ready to go for taxes. Well, we are all ready to have the Doughboys comic book. Everyone should check this out if you're a Doughboys fan. I think you're gonna love it. There's so much fan service in it, but there's also like, it's funny on its own.

You don't have to like, and it's great on its own. You don't have to, you know, be a super fan of Doughboys to appreciate it. BRkids.com is the URL where you can order your copy. Everyone should check it out. Alex, Fred, thank you so much for all the work you've done and thank you so much for making time for us. Thank you.

Hey, appreciate it. Thank you so much. People wanna know, in the Simpsons movie, you see Bart Simpson's hog. Will you see me and Nick's hogs over the course of the Doughboys comic? Time will sell. The people demand it, I'm sure.

I think that we should do the same skateboarding scene. Can we order some extra small ink for a minute? Extra small ink? Do they have extra? Fred, do they have extra small ink? Oh no. Fred pulled up a small ink ball. Thanks guys. Everyone get the comic.

Yeah, get the comic. Hi there. My name is Allison Williams. If you know who I am at all, it would probably be thanks to my job as an actress on shows like Girls and in movies like Megan. Recently, when I was having a moment of gratitude for my group chat, I thought, I wish everyone could have these geniuses at their fingertips like I do. Well, now you do.

Hi, Hi, it's Hope. Hey babe, it's Jamie. Welcome to our podcast, Landlines, where we share our life-sustaining and shame-extinguishing friendship. We have known each other and we've been friends for a very long time. Hope was my first best friend, but it wasn't mutual. I mean, it wasn't.

I asked, I distinctly remember calling her on the phone and asking if she'd sit next to me on the bus, and she said maybe. Oh, at least she didn't say no. She said maybe. Maybe he's meaner. She wasn't sure. Maybe he was, like like discerning.

When I was pregnant, I started this group chat to prepare and crowd source. And it's been such a delight to troubleshoot with our friend group. And we just had this thought, should we invite other people into our group chat? I'm a therapist. I'm a trained early childhood educator. And I'm, well, you know, whatever I am. I guess someone who has the vibe of having it all together and Still the three of us find it hard to be moms partners friends family members professional women and just you know adults The stuff we're talking about whatever the recent fight was with our partner or the parenting concern we have or a funny thing Yeah with our kids or it's like what's going on with my body?

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