Doughboys - Panda Express with Tricia McAlpin

Episode Date: February 12, 2016

The biggest American Chinese fast food chain gets the fork treatment, as writer Tricia McAlpin (Brooklyn 99) joins Mitch & Wiger in studio. And, a special Valentine's Day edition of Season's Eatings.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In 1858, a group of Methodist ministers founded Baker University in Baldwin City, Kansas. A century in change later, Andrew Cheng met his future wife Peggy, an immigrant from Burma, while both were students at the school. Andrew, himself the son of a master Chinese chef from Jiangzhou Province, parlayed his knowledge of Far East cuisine into a sit-down restaurant the newlyweds opened to the Southern California city of Pasadena, taking its name from the national animal of China. The concept was a success and expanded its dine-in table service locations until in 1983, UCLA football coach Terry Donahue and his brother, real estate mogul Don Donahue, persuaded

the couple to attempt a quick service version of their eatery. Together, they opened an express version of their IN concept at one of the most famous malls in America, the Glendale Galleria. In 1987, the chain introduced a Hunan-inspired dish developed by chef Andy Cao, orange chicken, which would become and remain their signature entree. The sit-down original is slowly faded away, but the leaner Fast Food Edition endures and thrives with 1,700 locations across North America, and to many in the U.S., it's the chain that defines Chinese cuisine.

This Week on Doughboys, Panda Express. Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger, alongside my co-host, as always, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. How you doing, Spoon Man? I'm doing well. I just want to say it to Spoon Nation. Here we go. You got a little remix there, a little English on the Spoon Man drops.

That's right. That was a... Uh-oh. Hold on. What's happening? There's also a new SoundCloud thing playing. Was that Silent Night? No, it was Namaste.

Okay. The inside scoop on that one goes to Justin Hernandez at Employee of the 1010. Oh, that's nice. And yeah. Got a little fan assist. Yeah, 100%. Oh, that's nice. I want to say...

How the hell? The Spoon Nation in a gung-hay-fat-choy. Happy New Year. Happy Chinese New Year. That's right. We're actually... Happy Chinese New Year, but it is today. We're recording this on Chinese New Year, which is appropriate given our restaurant.

And you know, to our Vietnamese listeners, may I wish you a happy Tet, Chuuk Mung Nam Hoi. My wife's family is Vietnamese, and so that's a tradition I'm familiar with. Okay, that's kind of showing off. You said a little Mandarin, I said a little, or Cantonese, whatever it was, I said a little Vietnamese. I think that's fine. We both mangled it.

That's definitely true. Real quick, I want to just say to the Burger Boy Brigade out there, just a real quick... Hi, everybody! Hi, Dr. Nick! Bazinga! December 7, 1941. A date which will live in infamy. What does my girl say?

Oh, my God. So, to all my fellow burger boys and girls out there, I hope you're having a happy Chinese New Year and a great week. Well, actually, Nick, I just wanted to say to you that, you know, I tried, I talked to my lawyer last week, tried to stop you from doing this, but it seems like you're not going to stop, so I just wanted to try a little something of my own. The Great Wall of China.

Over 2,200 some odd years ago, its first bricks were laid into place. Little did anyone know this mighty border defense system would one day become one of the greatest wonders of our world. A few miles and a couple of centuries later in the nearby Yangtzei region, Chinese master chef Ming Zai Cheng and his wife gave birth to a son, Andrew. A man who would one day create a wonder all of his own. Andrew moved overseas to study mathematics in the dusty plains of Kansas at Baker University. That's where he met his future wife, Peggy.

Together they left Kansas for California's Golden Coast, but shortly after their arrival, Andrew was bitten by a bug. However, this was no ordinary California insectoid, no. Andrew had been bitten by the food bug. Andrew's father joined him in Pasadena in 1973, and together they opened their first restaurant, Panda Inn. Peggy soon joined forces with the father Sencombo in 1983. Their fortunes changed forever.

That's when they teamed with UCLA head football coach Terry Donoghue and his real estate agent brother to create a fast food version of the restaurant for the Glendale Galleria Food Court. The fast food Chinese counter would prove to be a culinary touchdown that slowly spanned across the United States like a mighty Great Wall. Today on Doughboys, it's Panda Express. That was really well done. That was probably better than mine. I would also wager to say, Mitch, that's probably the most work you've put into something

in the past five years. So I guess Doughboys can credit itself for that. Let's introduce our guest. We are very, very happy to have her. A writer for Brooklyn 99 on Fox, a hilarious improviser, our good friend, Trisha McAlpin is here. Hi, Trisha. Hi, guys. Thank you for coming in. Thank you for having me.

You are a Doughboys listener. Am I correct? A huge Doughboys listener. Oh, very strange to hear. This was huge for me. Listening to that, just seeing it happen in front of my face. Well, you got a big one. You got a big one, a big restaurant for sure. This is the one a lot of people talk about and ask about.

Now I'm nervous. Now I'm feeling the pressure. Don't feel the pressure. There's no pressure on you. That was supposed to be exciting. No, I'm so excited. Thank you. Thank you for the honor. Also, you are married to the captain of Spoon Nation, Mr. Eugene Cordero. That's true. I am. Eugene from our L&L Hawaiian barbecue episode. If you're not familiar with it, go ahead and listen.

It would be a nice companion piece to this one. So that makes you the co-captain, I guess, in a lot of ways. Love that. Great. And Gerudo Fanzo Marx is the first to mate. I don't think we need to get into the hierarchy of the Spoon Nation Navy. You know what? I'm sick of people joining the Burger Brigade. If you're going to leave Spoon Nation, you were never a part of Spoon Nation.

I just want to say that to all the people out there who are leaving Spoon Nation to join the Burger Brigade, which is ridiculous, anyways. I made the Burger Brigade. You did, yeah. So it doesn't even exist. I hereby disband Burger Brigade. You can't do that. It's taking on a life of its own now.

It's like a Republican establishment trying to disband the Tea Party. It's its own thing now. Oh, fine. You made your bad live with it. I'll take that comparison. So I want to talk to you a little bit, Tricia, about why you're into chain restaurants and what your obsession with Pan Express is or what your interest in Pan Express is. But I think first thing, I'd like to address, we're not a topical podcast,

but this is a week where there's some chain restaurant news, and I think it's the citation of Red Lobster in Beyoncé's new song, Formation, which is something of a source of what would you say, controversy? Not quite controversy, but certainly there was talk as a result. What's the word I'm looking for? I don't know if this is topical at all, and also I don't know what the fuck we're talking about. Oh my God, bitch. Did you see Formation?

What is it? It's a movie? It's a video. It's something of a movie. Oh, it's her new video. Yes. Her new music video. She performed that song at the Super Bowl yesterday?

She did. When was it? Yesterday, yeah. Yesterday, yeah. So what's the deal? I don't know anything about this. Well, the video came out the day before the Super Bowl, and it was revelatory. Why is that?

It was just like, whoa. The images were powerful. She looked great. It's very visually striking. Give it a watch. I just watched it this morning for the first time. It's lots of great choreography. It's a very catchy song, and lots of very powerful imagery, and well, very interestingly shot.

A good video. Yeah, I'll watch it, I guess. But there is a lyric where she says, I don't know, I'm going to butcher it, but it's something akin to, it's a very bawdy remark about having intercourse with a man to such a degree that she feels like she is going to take him out specifically to Red Lobster. If he's good, if he does it good. If he does a good job, he has earned his Red Lobster meal. Oh, okay.

Interesting. That's weird. It was a very, it's a very specific thing, but I don't know. I mean, she's specifically talking about taking Jay-Z to Red Lobster then, right? We hope, or you know. Yeah, I was really into it. It made me want to go to Red Lobster. So if a guy does a good job performance-wise?

Yes, I think that was the idea. I think it's a pretty clear subject. He's rewarded with Red Lobster? Yes. Or she also said if someone does a good job, she'll take them on a helicopter. Like those are the two options. I guess they're like two stages. They're roughly equivalent.

So wait, is it an option or is it, I don't really know the song. Is it an option to take the helicopter ride or the Red Lobster? Sure, maybe both. Maybe you take a helicopter to a Red Lobster and yeah. Okay. Like a first date, third date sort of situation here. I'm thinking that Red Lobster loves this, I'm sure, more than anyone on earth, right? That Beyonce is eating at their restaurant.

They didn't tweet about it. Yeah, they had some tweet that was weirdly received, but... What did they say? They said some, they made some pun about cheddar bae biscuits, spelling bae, b-e-y, like Beyonce. And then a lot of people were like, yeah, that was kind of not, you could have done a better job. Like I don't know, it's hard to do, I think it's hard to be a corporate social media because what are you supposed to say? Like I guess you could just sort of like... They should have put up like just information about like helicopter crash statistics.

So that people would choose Red Lobster. If you have sex with Beyonce and you have the option pick Red Lobster. Pick Red Lobster. If you're, for instance, Matt Koalik. Oh my God. And you went on a date with Beyonce and then years later, she reconnects with you. The story he told on our, it was our Pizza Hut episode, no, our Domino's episode where he went on a date, a day date to Cold Stone Creamer with Beyonce in high school.

The one episode of our show that we label as fiction. But you could potentially, you could potentially be rewarded with Cheddar Bay Biscuits or one of the Betty Antres from the Red Lobster menu. Yeah, I don't know. I'm pretty sure Koalik never was taken out to Red Lobster by Beyonce. So let's move beyond this. So where are you from originally, Trisha? And what, like growing up, like what were the chains that you were into?

I was born in Alabama and then I moved to Delaware when I was six. And I think McDonald's was at the primary chain. Did you have much memories of Alabama or that's all like little kid brain? Little kid brain. Yeah. But I do, I remember going to KFC more. Like when we, I would go to a pool and eat KFC. That's like a childhood fast food memory.

Like eating KFC by a pool. That's nice. That's a nice memory. I remember getting KFC a couple of times when like my family and my godparents family would go out and they, like all the kids would be at the house to get us like a bucket of KFC. It was a nice, I remember having nice memories of KFC and then I have not really ate it at all as an adult. But I kind of have some childhood KFC memories too weirdly. Maybe that's just, maybe that's a kind of, is KFC just kind of like one of those fast food places that seems like a family,

like it's a nice family style fast food place. So parents are more likely to get it or something? Yeah. I mean, that's certainly at least how they used to market. I think they still market that now. It's like a family meal. It's like a whole feast you can take home. You got a bucket and you got some sides.

I mean, the thing is it's like, we talked about this before. We're talking about Boston Market is like the notion of like a family dinner has kind of changed. And it used to be like kind of like, oh, you would replace this family meal with KFC. So it feels more like a home cooked meal. But now I feel like people eat out so much that that's less of a thing, you know? Yeah. It's kind of like, it's less like, oh, I'm replacing what I would normally eat. And it's more like, oh, this is nostalgia for an earlier time when you might eat something like this.

If that makes any sense. Yeah, I got a question for you guys. When you were growing up, say like in high school or something, what was the normal meal you would eat like on a nightly basis? Would you eat dinner with your family every single night? Like what was the deal? It's a good question. We ate home cooked meals almost every night. And my dad usually did the cooking and I would say a typical meal would be like meatloaf, boiled potatoes, green beans, and a dinner roll.

And I'd have a glass of milk with every dinner. That was pretty much what I'd have growing up. As a high schooler? Yeah. No, as I was drinking milk through like until I went to through my first year of college, I drank milk with every dinner. I just thought that was normal to drink a glass of milk with a dinner. Press milk or... Two percent, I went through a one percent phase, but mostly two percent.

What about you Trisha, what was like a typical meal growing up? Not that far off from that. Like I feel like spaghetti and meatballs or something my mom would make a lot or like weird things. Like I remember she would make like stoffers, like chip beef on toast, but it would be like kind of like that's like a TV dinner. But it felt like she was making something. Like there were a lot of things like that where she would get like a lasagna and cook it, but it would be in the pan. We were all kind of like sharing one meal, but it was from a frozen thing that she was heating up. I feel like mine would be like variations of chicken or spaghetti or something unless I would sometimes take a nap and sleep past dinner.

And then I'd be on my own and I'd make a full box of macaroni and cheese and eat it myself. I definitely did that. But at the time when I would have that as an after school snack, I would have like a full box of macaroni and cheese when I got home and then later have dinner. Which was like, I guess I was just a growing boy, a growing fat little boy, but it is like an insane number of calories to consume. I think like a whole box of mac and cheese is like 1500 calories. Yeah, I should have known when you're making the box of mac and cheese that, you know, like you use like a quarter stick of butter or something. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I mean, that didn't happen. I mean, it happened to quite a few times because the school, we had to be, I had my first, the first bell was at 745. That's early in the morning, which is fucked up. High school is messed up. Yeah. You should never wake up that early ever. Like farmers like wake up at that time, right? Yeah, I don't know why school starts so it's for parents.

So parents can drop kids off before they go to work, right? Is that why? High school kids? I don't know, it's too much. I agree with you. I think school should start at like 10 a.m. I feel like everything should start at 10 a.m. Before that is just too early.

I agree with that. I feel like first lunch was like at like 11 or something. Yeah. So you'd be like eating lunch and you'd be like, it's like 11 a.m. I like feel sick and you'd be eating school lunch. What an awful, awful existence that was. You'd be eating like those ribs. Oh god.

What's that square ribs? North Quincy High School was like, it was just like a side of fries with everything. It would just be like, oh like there would be like French toast sticks and like side of fries and it was like the worst. For lunch? For lunch. It was awful. It was really, really bad.

And then there was a guy who made subs named Subman and he would make you a, and he would make you, you know, he would make you any sort of sub. Was that just like a total coincidence that his name happened to line up with his profession? Except people like had found like hair isn't a Band-Aid in the Subman subs at some point. Oh weird. Yeah. It was, I went to a private school for one year and we were like treated like kings. It was great.

We got like, you could get like a plate of like ZD and stuff for lunch. And, but then when I went to public school, it went way, way downhill. And I got fatter as time went on cause I ate fries every day for lunch. What was your school lunch experience Trisha? We, I feel like we would have like, I remember ribs very clearly and then like pizza was something, but I feel like I would buy like. Yeah. Why do you remember ribs so much?

Cause they were so weird. They were like, it wasn't really like ribs. Like it was like, it was like the McRib at McDonald's or whatever. I gotcha. Yeah. And I feel like when it wasn't ribs or pizza, I would just get like two tasty cakes and a chocolate milk and though I would eat that. Like I like ate like a garbage.

Yeah. It's really messed up. Now, the more I think about it as a kid, it's fucked up how kids eat. I mean, I'm not one to get political on this podcast, but it really is crazy. Were you a bag lunch guy or did you buy? A lot of sack lunches, but I definitely had a stretch where I'd buy lunches. And I remember at middle school, there was a time they had these mini pizzas and for, I think for like basically every meal of seventh grade, I would get two mini pizzas

stacked on top of each other and two chocolate milks. And that was my lunch every day. And it was just like, it's an insane thing to eat. It was like too much food for a kid and all of it completely unhealthy and lacking any sort of nutrition. You drank so much milk. I really did. I don't like, it's crazy how much dairy I used to consume as a kid.

I would have cheese all the time. I would have cheeses, snacks. I would have milk with cereal in the morning. I would have milk oftentimes with lunch. I would have milk with every dinner and then I would have ice cream for dessert every day. Like I was eating so much dairy. What the fuck? Yeah, I don't know.

It was weird. I didn't think it was weird. I thought that was just what people ate, but yeah, my family was very, very dairy heavy. People are always like telling you to drink milk too. There were like full page magazine ads and stuff. It was like, this is healthy. This is what you're supposed to drink. I thought I was like doing, milk does a body good.

That was the thing before we got, let it on got milk, which was also again just saying like, drink a bunch of fucking milk. It's like, they're drilling this into your head and you don't realize that it's propaganda from the American Dairy Association or whatever the acronym stands for. You just think it's like, oh, that's what's healthy to do. That's what you're supposed to do because that's what adults are saying. Yeah. Yeah.

There was always those before and after commercials with the little kid and then he drank milk and he grew up big. Yeah. Yeah. But for you like, you grew into like a Dylan Klebold-esque character. I feel like the milk, I feel like if milk saw what happened for the amount of milk you drank, they'd probably shut down. I went too far.

So Delaware, was there anything outside of KFC or McDonald's? Is there anything region specific in Delaware? Any sort of quiz? Because I think of that and I think of Joe Biden, but I don't really think of anything other, anything more specific than that. Biden's great. I'm a big Biden fan. Everyone likes Biden now, I feel like.

Oh my God. He would come and talk at our high school. Whoa. He was like very charismatic and like. A senator at the time, I assume? Yeah, a senator and he would come like once a year and talk and answer questions and stuff. I feel like I remember one girl at my school asked him, I don't know why this happened,

but we were talking about, I think he was talking about don't drink and drive or whatever. And she was like, is it okay if the person you're with is drunk, but you're only like 15, can you drive? And he was like, I'm a senator. It was just so weird. I don't know, he would just come and talk about stuff once a year. That's crazy. I was really into him.

But yeah, regional, I feel like we were kind of like Philly adjacent. So like Philly things were sort of like also in Delaware, like hoagies and cheese steaks and stuff like that. You mentioned tasty cakes. Tasty cakes. Yeah. So pretty Philly adjacent. Those are what I think.

That's funny. I feel like Philly does that to like New Jersey gets hit with the Philly thing and I guess now Delaware too. Because like there's people in New Jersey who are just like, oh, I get like ice water or whatever the fuck they water ice. I guess Delaware gets the same thing, which like, I don't know, I guess Boston does that with Rhode Island or something. Yeah.

But yeah. Yeah, we're pretty, I can't think of a really like signature Delaware thing. I mean, saltwater taffy at the beach was pretty Delaware. Yeah. I feel like that's like every beach town. Yeah. Yeah, we don't have a lot. Just give her saltwater taffy.

That's so hard to have. The delicacy. The Delaware delicacy. Yeah. Yeah. So let's talk about before we get into Panda Express, Valentine's Day is upon us and we've got a segment coming up that we're going to talk about that. But do you guys have any specific Valentine's Day dining plans?

It's a big dining out day. It's a big meal day. It's also a big day where people will like make a home cooked meal for their sweetie. I don't know. Is there anything specific that you do or have done in the past for this love holiday? My captain is in Australia right now, so I'm going to be alone, but I feel like normally my Eugene would be home and he would cook something really nice. He's a really good cook.

Oh, that's nice. Yeah. That's great. When I've had some sort of significant other, I would go out to dinner. I would just go to a fancy dinner usually. And then now that I'm alone, this is February 14th. Yeah. This Sunday.

This Sunday. Either I'll be flying back to Los Angeles from Cartagena, Colombia. Oh, that's right. We didn't touch on this. We got to talk about this a little bit. Keep going. We'll be flying back in a casket to Massachusetts from Colombia. One of the two.

Who knows what will happen? Friend of the podcast, Alan McLeod, aka Molassesboy, has told me that he visited Cartagena and he said it was pretty safe. And rum is big there. And how do you say it? Saviche? Saviche. Saviche is like one of the main foods.

And I like it all right. So I'm going to try it. But he promised me I'd be safe. So if I don't return safely, I want you to have Alan on as the next guest and ask him what happened. You have to promise me that. Blame him for your death. Yeah.

If I end up dying, Alan has to be the first guest after all this is said and done. You have to ask him what happened. I can deliver on that. All right. That's easy to execute. That's my, I'm going to Colombia from the 10th to the 14th. Why did you decide on Colombia? Well, I was back home.

What was going on? Oh, I was going to see Star Wars, the first Force Awakens for the third time and I was a movie you despise. A movie I despise. And I was in the car with my buddy, Micas, and his brother, Shaunsey, and they were saying, oh, you got to go, you got to, we're like, we're going to go to Colombia. Steve Harvey messed up the Miss Universe thing and said the wrong name and like there's trips to Colombia for like 250 bucks round trip.

And I was like, whoa, that's a deal. Wait, that's why there's discount trips to Colombia? Yeah. Like Spirit Airlines did a deal where it was the round trip for $250. I don't know. I don't know how accurate this intel from Shaunsey and Changbot is. It's actually chanked in in Frillbot. Okay.

I'm sorry. Frillbot is going. And so I heard that and I said, yeah, I don't know. And they said, we'll do it. We'll buy it for you right now. And I think I said, sure. And then we went out and got drunk and they just after the movie. And I convinced Micas that Force Awakens was bad and he convinced me that Colombia was

a good idea. So I'm going, you know what, I'm going to travel. I want to travel this year. So that's big for me and I'm going to see some things down there. I am scared. And my mom like told me that she would pay for the trip if I didn't go because she's afraid I'm going to, you know, get chopped up. That's a sweet mom thing to offer.

Yeah. It was very nice. Yeah. Also, like there's some other stuff going around on around here and my mom is like, you should do it. Like you have to take care of your business. That's why you're, you live in Hollywood and like was like, this isn't putting business first.

She kept saying that over and over again. And I was like, it's fine. Wait. It's like some unspecified job opportunities. You don't want to get into it. Yeah. Not even really. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, what are you doing? This is crazy. And I was like, no, it will be fine. And then today she kind of called and was like, be safe. So she changed, she just kind of like gave in today, finally. It's weird that for all that mom dialogue you just gave, you were reading from a transcript. You surprised to get notes that detailed.

All right, let's get into Panda Express. So why Panda Express, Trisha? I love Chinese food and it's my favorite cuisine. Oh, wow. Okay. I really do so much. And so when it comes to chain restaurants, Panda Express is the Chinese one. What was your like introduction to Chinese cuisine?

At what point did you start to fall in love with it? There was a Chinese restaurant like next to the grocery store when I was growing up and I feel like it was like a very special treat that we would like go eat Chinese food. Gotcha. I used to eat a lot and I think that was definitely like a fave of mine was to go to this Chinese place. Was this like a sit-down place where they'd bring you some hot tea? Yes.

And like those little fried noodles and dip it in the little sauces and stuff. That was definitely my introduction to Chinese food too was like we would go, it was like a nice meal. We would go out to Mandarin Palace, which was in a little strip mall in Lakewood, California. And you know, it was like in a strip mall, but you'd go inside and it was very nice and it was one of the only restaurants we'd go to where you'd get like a white cloth napkin and they'd pour you a hot tea and I just remember being like, oh, this is, as an eight-year-old kid I felt like, oh, this is so fancy.

And you know, like by contrast it feels like, I never went to a Panda Inn, which is the original version of Panda Express, which is like their sit-down version, but I imagine it was a similar sort of like comfort slash pseudo fine dining experience. But in contrast to Panda Express are a lot of these takeout Chinese foods where they've just got big trays of food and you're eating off of cafeteria trays. It's like a very different experience. But I guess a lot of the same flavors and a lot of the same dishes. What about Mitch?

I know you're a big Chinese food guy. I am. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's, it's one of those things that I have not a lot. Like I don't get Chinese food a lot because it's, because it's not great for you. I feel like I go like on a little, and I just, I shouldn't be eating it. Like, like it's a food when I eat it, I'm like, I shouldn't be eating this. Sure.

This is terrible for me. But growing up like it, well, like I've told you this before, like growing up, it was kind of like the most like God kind of the most like ethnic food we would have. I mean, like, like there was also a Mexican food restaurant in Weymouth. I remember we called El Serafe that we'd go to a bunch and I was like afraid to eat like tacos that when I was really young, like I like all the old Mexican food seemed kind of crazy to me. So Chinese food was kind of like the food that I would eat that wasn't like normal chicken

and boring, like American food that kind of seemed like the most ethnic and crazy to me. And sure. Yeah. And I know that that's times have changed so much. But that's like in the, you know, like mid 80s to late 80s or whatever. And I did love it. And I love East Coast Chinese food, which I've talked about on this podcast a lot.

But it's a lot different from, from out here. Panda Express honestly is kind of like what East Coast Chinese food is. Like that's the style of it, but, but, you know, it's not as good. And it's not like, it's, it's, it's usually fancy kind of sit down restaurants. It's a weird thing of like where it's like kind of like a lot of Chinese restaurants are kind of like almost like Polynesian, like they have like, it's like my ties and like it's kind of like, it's like the weird, weird combo of the, of the two, it feels a little bit Polynesian.

Yeah. I feel like a lot of Chinese restaurants would have that like placemat where they would have all the different drinks on it. Oh yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Okay. With like my tie and whatever. And I'd be like, what are these?

And my parents would be like, don't worry about it. Oh yeah. No, there's a, there's a couple of places in Quincy where like you can get scorpion bowls and, and, and all those kind of gigantic drinks, which are fun. I love drinks like that. It's great. Yeah. I love a Tiki drink.

Oh, me too. Totally. Yeah. No, it's, and like, you know, like in town, they're like the places that are like, they'll be open on New Year's Eve. So a lot of like when you're younger and college or something when you come back, that's like, like New Year's Day or whatever, you go to Chinese food restaurant or Christmas Eve and they'd be open and you could have some Tiki drinks.

I love, I love Chinese, a good Chinese food restaurant. West Coast is different. It's a, and I'm not saying there's, there's great Chinese food out here. It's just kind of different than East Coast Chinese food. Yeah. You're, oh yeah. It's, it's like, I think we talked about this in a few episodes. We've talked about it.

Probably five times. But, but I think it is like, it's just like, you know, like the stuff you'll get out here in Monterey Park or in the Bay area, it's like a little, I think it's a more, a little more authentic versus the kind of American Chinese experience, which is kind of its own kind of, I think it's its own category of food, a lot of people would say, kind of like that. And that's very much what Panda Express is. So like, so Panda Express, like, was this a place you would go, Tricia, is this a place

you would go to with a lot of frequency when you were younger? Was it a college haunt for you? It's honestly more of like a recent thing. Oh, recent, okay. I think I moved here like five or six years ago and I think that is when I started going to Panda Express. Interesting. Oh, wow.

This all started out here. Well, I mean, I feel like they would have it in the mall when I was growing up, but like in the mall, I would more likely get like a pretzel or whatever and not really like eat like a whole meal. Is that weird? No, that's not. I feel like that's most people's mall food habit. You've been going over your meals from your youth and you haven't said a full meal.

That's so, I mean, I think I just like ate snacks all the time. I was like, I like snacks and then it didn't matter because you're young and you can eat anything. Yeah, yeah. That's very true. But. Are you a fan of East Coast Chinese food? Like you lived in New York City.

Yeah. I mean, I love it all. Like I love like really good New York Chinese food. I love like Flushing or San Gabriel Valley Chinese food and I also love West Coast. Like kind of walk in places and like, I don't know, I really love all the different kinds. Yeah. They each have their own thing. That's great.

Yeah. I feel like on the East Coast, I just don't think you can beat the low main pork fried rice and then the poo poo platter stuff and kind of like general sows and that sort of thing. I don't think you can beat it. I really, really think it's hard to beat. You know what I don't hear talked about too much is Mugu Gaipan, which I think is that do you guys know what that is?

It's like a fucking, they bring like a pancake and then you put stuff inside of it. I remember getting that as a kid and being like, whoa, this is crazy because you like assemble it and it's like its own thing. But I remember really liking that and that's like a thing I feel like, I don't know enough. It's not, if it's not offered as much anymore, if there's just aren't as many of those kind of sit down, divey Chinese restaurants anymore or what it is. But I feel like that was a dish I saw in the 80s and the early 90s and then I just don't see as much anymore.

The 80s, I mean, that must have been like an explosion for Chinese food restaurants, right? Sounds right. This is coming from no knowledge or any reading of any Wikipedia article or anything, but it feels like, yeah, because when we were going out when I was younger, I feel like it was Italian food and it was like Chinese food. There's a James Woods thriller from the 80s called True Believer and there's like a Chinese food scene in that.

And for some reason I associate that with like, oh, this was like a cultural moment where it would be like, oh, you'd get takeout Chinese food and this was a big thing in America. And I don't know when it started to become a thing, but I think in terms of consciousness, I feel like when we were growing up, that was, I think you're right. I have no, I'm just speaking anecdotally, I have no facts to back this up, but it feels right. Yeah. There's like a documentary I watched about Chinese food because I'm obsessed with it

apparently, but like called like Finding General So. Oh yeah. I just added that to my list on that one. Fun, but it's like about how like all these like Chinese immigrants that moved here like kind of like found like just kept moving kind of out into the middle of America and the West and like everyone will like find a town and like open up their own Chinese restaurant or whatever. And that was like a big thing.

It's kind of interesting. Yeah. My one of my good friends Adam Wu owns a Chinese restaurant in Ipswich and, and yeah, and Quincy is actually it's Quincy's kind of like became known as it's on the red line and from Boston and it's kind of become known as like the little, little Chinatown is like what they called it in this piece they wrote about it in the paper because a lot of like Asian immigrants moved into Quincy and, and, and then they, they go into China, they take the subway into Chinatown.

So there was, there were a lot of options like that and also like kind of like way more authentic stuff too of like there are these can man markets that like they're the Chinese food like markets and they'd have like a lot of like like chicken feet and stuff like that stuff that I didn't eat but like way more kind of authentic Chinese food. And then there was also like Cathay Pacific is like a big Chinese food restaurant that does like the poo poo platters with like the little fire in the middle and stuff. Quick question, Mitch. Your friend Adam Wu who owns this Chinese restaurant, does he have a dumb nickname?

Well, Wu Tang. He's a great man. Yeah. He's a great guy. He used to be able to do backflips in high school. That's amazing. Yeah. And then I pretended to do one but everyone will laugh because like it was apparent that

I would never be able to do one like I pretended I was about to do one and then everyone would chuckle because I was a big fat guy. Which is, so which is your home Panda Express Trisha? Which is like someone who discovered it out here? I for a long time lived in Outwater Village so the home Panda Express was like right across the street by like the Costco and stuff in Glendale. Is that close to the original? The Glendale?

It is. I didn't know that's where it came from. That's fun to me. The modicum of research I did in preparation for this episode I found that the Chinese, the Panda Express that I used to frequent in college though on campus one at UCLA was actually it's 100th location so it was like kind of a milestone when they opened the one for some place that was established in partnership with the UCLA football coach Terry Donahue. It was kind of a landmark when they opened their 100th location on campus and I used

to go to that one in what the fuck was that called, Ackerman Union, whatever it was called. When I used to go to the Student Union Panda Express for lunch with some frequency. Oh, old milky walking around campus. I also like I went to that Panda Express once and then afterwards I dropped my wallet in a toilet so I have that memory kind of associated with it. How did you drop your wallet into the toilet? Well, I kept my wallet in my back pocket and then it like fell out of my back pocket when either I think when I was getting off of the toilet.

So it landed next to your shit? No, I would have flushed the toilet at that point. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's still gross. I don't think it landed. Tricia was thinking the same thing. I was. I was thinking about pooping.

I mean, that's what we're talking about, right? That's crazy. Look, you asked for specifics. No, I love it. You didn't have to ask that follow-up. Are you sure it was your wallet you put back in your pocket? It's the same trusty wallet I've had for 15 years now. The same brown wallet I've always had.

I did. Actually, I was so pissed off but I cleaned that wallet and I did use it for like another year. Oh, gross. I wouldn't have done that. Let's hear a swarm of flies that follow up. So what is your go-to at Panda Express? I would say orange chicken and then a second fun different option.

Yeah, you just mix it up. Yeah. You go with whatever seasonal or you just sort of just sort of game-tied it. Whatever I'm feeling. Yeah, I got you. Sometimes seasonal. Sometimes walnut shrimp, usually. Oh, that walnut shrimp is good.

Love that. I find myself, and this includes my last visit, my most recent visit, which was just tonight on Chinese New Year, I can't not get the orange chicken. I feel like it really is kind of like that's their, and comparison isn't perfect, but that's their big Mac. That's like their signature thing that people are like, oh, I'm going to go there, I'm going to get that orange chicken. That's that flavor that keeps them coming back.

There is something about it that's like very tasty and also very distinctly like Panda Express. Yes. Yeah. I feel like that orange chicken, and it makes sense because you're a person who ate snacks growing up. That orange chicken is candy. It is just like, it is so glazed and like shiny. It just looks like, I got the walnut shrimp and then I also got orange chicken.

I'll go into my order in a little bit. I, there were like, I couldn't tell which was walnuts and which was the orange chicken. Like it was hard to be like, I was like, these are both look like so like candied over that I can't tell which one is which. Yeah. So there was like a couple of times where I bit into it thinking it was chicken and it was a walnut and vice versa. Like it's so.

It's sweet. It's, it's, it is the closest dinner I've had to candy. Like, right? I mean. Yeah. I mean, there's something about that kind of Chinese food that as an American, knowing this was designed by immigrants to appeal to American tastes makes me feel a little condescended to like, they're kind of like, here's what you want.

You want something deep fried with a bunch of fucking syrup on it. I know that's what American tastes are. Here you go. I know you're going to order this, you know, and so like, no, but I mean, it is a little bit of a Doughboy race war has started. There's no race war going on. I treasure the Asian American communities across the US, but there is something to like, I feel like as an American, I make, it makes me reflect on myself and be like, well, really,

is this what our food habits are? We want such like sweet, like fried food. Like that's what we want. We want, you know, we basically want fried chicken with maple syrup on it. It's so like sweet and it's so like the, the pow, the flavors you get are so much syrup and so much like vegetable oil. It's so powerful. Well, you keep fucking lining it up to get it.

I mean, if it sells, you know, it's good, but it makes me question like my own habits and then it makes me also think of like, oh, is this what, this is what other people think of America. This is like an outsider's perspective of our country, that this is what we eat and they're right. Yeah. They're right. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know. I'll talk to Wu Tang about this, but I think that I feel like, but that's like still sudden. I mean, I think you're right in a lot of ways of like how it's changed and how you used to be able to get those pancake, chicken pancake dishes at, I mean, Chinese food is always kind of rich and thick, but there's something specific with kind of the, the food court, Chinese food, fast food that is even more syrupy and kind of disgusting, but still delicious. Don't get me wrong.

Like, I feel like those food court places are like, you can sit down at a restaurant, get an orange chicken and it won't feel as bad and a fancier sit down Chinese food restaurant, I guess. And then you can get like dumplings and a lot of different, you know what I mean? It's not all like the candied, like a disgusting food. Yeah. If you're definitely a Pan Express or a lot of the, I don't know whether they're derivative of a Pan Express' derivative of them, but any of those kind of like storefront Chinese

places, they just have big steam trays of a bunch of pre-made dishes and then like, you know, chow mein and fried rice and that's basically what you're, it's just all this stuff that's kind of been sitting for a while and sort of stewing in its own juices. And it's not a lot in terms of, there's not a lot of variety, they're all just kind of variations on the same themes and flavor profiles. Yeah. It's so weird because I know that it's not like great for you, but I don't think of Chinese food as like terribly unhealthy.

Like I think of like, I'm like, well, it doesn't have cheese on it and I can eat as much of it as I want. That is true. But like, but yeah, I guess it is crazy unhealthy. It's just fried chicken with sauce on it and never thought about it like that. I mean, you're, but also you're talking to Nick Weiger who has already eaten a block of cheese, eight glasses of milk before he sits down for his fried chicken meal. To me, the kind of the weirder thing is that Panda Express has become kind of the biggest

fast food Chinese restaurant. Like, Sure. Like cause, you know, Chinese food is just a specific type of food and just like there's Italian food and burgers and stuff like that. And it's just like Panda Express is clearly in the lead. Like, Is there another one?

There's no second place. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there are, I feel like, Chang's, I mean, P.F. Chang's not even the same category. It's like its own, it's like a much more upscale thing there in terms of a Chinese fast food chain. I mean, what else is it?

Pickup sticks? I don't know. It's not really in the same class. Yeah. There's not many, but even just bringing up P.F. Chang's like, I'm like, Oh, when I think of that, it, that's different than Yes. The syrupy super fried pandex.

Yeah. You can get like a lighter scallop dish there. You can get, just get some like beef, you know, you don't have some beef in the kind of a simple preparation. It's not, you're not necessarily getting all this stuff with just like these powerful, overwhelming sauces and spices. Let's talk about our most recent visits a little bit. Trisha, I think you were telling me you went yesterday, is that correct?

I did. And we went yesterday during the Super Bowl. Oh, wow. Okay. It was empty. You went specifically during the Super Bowl? I mean, I wasn't watching it and I was like, Oh, I bet you it'll be like really chill there right now.

I like got a massage and went to a pan to express during the Super Bowl, but yeah, I got orange chicken walnut shrimp and then like a half noodle, half rice situation. And since I knew we were going to talk about it today, I also got a cream cheese puff. I got one of those cream cheese puffs too. Did they give you that sweet sauce with it, the sweet and sour sauce? Yes. Or did you just get it solo? What did you think of that?

Cream cheese rangoon, I believe it's called. Yes. It was fine. Yeah. It's like, I feel like that's a thing you'll see in a lot of Thai places. I don't know if it's Thai or not, but I feel like I've seen in a lot of Thai restaurants as an appetizer and I didn't realize it was a thing at Panda Express. Maybe it's a recent edition.

Maybe it's a seasonal promotion. Yeah. Have they had those for a while? I've never like noticed it. I don't think. I think I just saw it by the register and was like, go for it. That was the same thing I did, the same calculation I did. I saw that cream cheese rangoon.

I was like, Yeah, throw one of those in there. They actually gave me three in an order for like $1.25, which is excessive. It was like, it's like very dense. It's a lot of, there's a lot of cream cheese in there. And then that sweet and sour sausage dip it in is just, it might as well be raspberry jam. It's very, very sweet. Yeah.

It was like thick. It's very thick, very sweet. Not a lot of sourness to it. It looks like something you put in your car. Like it looks like a, like right? Yeah, it does. Yeah. What's the green shit you put in your?

Antifreeze? Antifreeze, thank you. Jesus Christ, I'm dumb. I forget sometimes. Crab rangoons are kind of a staple of East Coast poo-poo platters. Oh, okay. Okay. So you will find it in Chinese restaurants.

Yeah, you will. That's kind of, that's an East Coast poo-poo platter. That's a thing that I would eat a bunch growing up and there's crab in it, but not a ton of crab. It's usually just still a lot of cream cheese, but they're great. I love them, but I didn't have one at Panda Express. I went with egg rolls. Yeah.

I got, well, we went, I went on Chinese New Year, we went separately, Mitch, but I think you also went today on Chinese New Year and they had a promotion for a free gold bar. Did you take advantage of the free gold bar? No, what is, what, what? It was a, what does that mean? Let me bring up the coupon or let's see if I still have the coupon open. Yeah. Free gold bar, Monday, February 8th, join us to celebrate our favorite holiday, Chinese

holiday available using promo code gold. And what it means is you get one free chicken egg roll, which they're calling a gold bar for some reason. Oh. Yeah, but I like, I basically, I was in a situation where I was waiting in line behind a guy in a, he just gotten off work and he had a nice shirt and a, and a tie and I saw that there was a sign for a free gold bar and I was like looking at it and the guy like elbowed me and he like, he was like, check that out.

Free gold bar. And I was like, oh, cool man. And then I was like next to him in line. This guy was having a great time ordering too. Like he was having so much fun. He was tasting stuff. He was taking recommendations and we got to the front and I was gonna just like get my order and the guy like went to me again, he's like, dude, get your free gold bar.

And I was like, I gotta get it. And so I like, I like downloaded the coupon really quick and showed it to the person and they went back and showed it to the worker and they went back and got me a chicken egg roll, which was fine. It was nice that it was free. It was a nice little promotion. It's funny because I wanted, I wanted, by the way, was this like a drop dead Fred situation where this man, this man didn't really exist and it was just your, come on, get the gold

bar. It's just you. I'm a business man. That's my guardian angel. This is the one time they appear to persuade me to order a free appetizer at Panda Express for the sole purpose of that it will cause me to ultimately live one day shorter. It take you out of the misery. Yeah.

Yeah. I get it. There was a lady in front of me who was trying a bunch of stuff, which is kind of funny to me because I'm like, you've tried all this shit before, come on. But the service, did you go to the one on Kawanga? I went to the one on Kawanga, yeah. Okay. We went to the same one.

All three of us went to the same one. Hold on. We were all there. We were all there within like a 24 hour period because maybe a little bit more than 24 hours, but we were all there within a day and a half. You probably went just shortly after me. I went shortly, no, before you. Oh, you went shortly before me.

Okay. So we just missed each other. Yep. Thank God. Yeah. No, you know what's funny because I asked for a chicken egg roll and I was just going to buy it. I didn't know it was free.

The lady was like, uh, and then like seemed weird about it and then wasn't giving it to me. And then I was like, she was like, you want vegetable egg rolls or that? And I was like, whatever. And then because I didn't care, truly, I just wanted to get an egg roll and I wanted to dip her, you know? And then she charged me for veggie spring rolls and they weren't ready. Wow.

And there was a chicken egg roll ready and she didn't give it to me. They had. So I don't know. Weird. Now I'm fucking pissed off. I got an email from corporate where they were like, don't give out any fucking chicken egg rolls unless they say they want their free gold bar. Like I'm sure that's what happened.

And so she was like being a little cagey. She was like, oh, we'll get, we'll, I see a mark here. We'll sell this. Oh. We'll sell this. You needed your guardian angel. We'll sell this slow-witted Bostonian on some, we can upcharge him and get him to buy some veggie egg rolls.

You know what's a Vietnamese dish that I, they're like, I love the, I do like egg rolls, but there's a Vietnamese king roll, which is like the Vietnamese style egg roll. Man, that thing is tasty. If you ever have an opportunity to have that, you also have people I think know the spring rolls more, which are like kind of the fresher, lighter, more traditional Vietnamese one, but they do have their own like deep fried egg roll that's made with rice paper called a king roll. Man, that's real good.

If you ever get an opportunity to have one of those. Yeah. These were called vegetable spring rolls, but they were just egg rolls. They were just egg rolls. Yeah. So today I, should I go into my order? Yeah, go for it. I got the bigger plate.

So I did pretty much what Trisha did, but I went with fried rice because the fried rice too is funny because it just has some vegetables in it. Yeah. It's, of course, like 200 more calories, but I was going, I went with the fried rice and it's good. I like their fried rice. It's a nice little bed to have of, but I probably should have just gone with white rice. It's not too much of a difference.

And it's just weird to have like, it's just like veggie fried rice. Yeah. And that's another, you know, like you usually get pork or chicken fried rice and like, so I don't really get that. I don't get the, just the plain vegetable fried rice. Do you guys have a favorite fried rice for idol? Like if you are going to get with protein, do you have a kind you like? 100% pork fried rice.

I think there's one called like, I can't like, you get like a house special fried rice and it'll have like shrimp and then like Chinese sausage. Oh yeah. That kind of, oh, that's my favorite. I had a roommate from Hong Kong in college and he would make, he like, he'd use that Chinese sausage, but sometimes he'd even, he'd make like a lower rent version of that with ham, which was actually pretty good. Hmm.

That sounds good. Any variety of pig I feel like in that, in that fried rice is pretty tasty. What happened to him is, is, did he stick around in the States or? I don't know. I don't know where he is. I think, I mean his, he was originally from Hong Kong, but he was a U.S. citizen living in whose family moved to Utah. Oh, okay.

I don't know what, I have no idea what it became. You probably moved back after meeting you. I had the orange chicken as well and I had the, is it the, what, is it honey well nut shrimp? That sounds right. Okay. Honey well nut shrimp. And then I, so the bigger plate comes with the third little entree and it was the firecracker

chicken breast. Okay. I need to interrupt you. You got the orange chicken and the walnut shrimp, half, half chow mein and half fried rice. Yes. You got the orange chicken. Did you just get fried rice?

Fried rice, yeah. You got fried, orange chicken fried rice and you got the walnut shrimp as well and the firecracker chicken. Yep. I got orange chicken and firecracker chicken, half chow mein, half fried rice. There's like a Venn diagram of what we all ordered that has a lot of overlap. And I don't know, like I feel like this is kind of, with the various options, I know there's only so many options you can do pan express, but there's enough options where

I feel like this is fairly improbable that I feel like we need some, Mitch, we need you basically to come up with another stupid designation for whatever this phenomenon is. Oh my God, I'm so excited. The Venn, oh, I fucking can't do it. The Venn diagram, friends, swish. There's an even bigger circle around all that we all fall into, which is pathetic human beings, pathetic human beings that are all getting the same meal, pan express in Studio City.

Let's try it this way. Let's collectively break this down one dish at a time. We all spoke about the orange chicken. This makes it easier. This is great. But let's talk about our orange chicken experience at this pan to express. Tricia, what did you think? It was classic, what I expected, and it was good.

I mean, it was sweet. It's very sweet. Yeah. But I mean, that's what I was expecting, and that's what I got. I mean, I was satisfied. No, it's really great. The orange chicken is really great, right? It's really good.

It's really fucking. I think that is a really, that's the thing they do best, and it's a very good orange chicken. I used to, when I was in college, and I would have a little smaller portion and also trying to eat a little cheaper, I would get the white rice, I would get the bowl, which is just a single menu option and a single side. I would get the white rice bowl with orange chicken on top of it. That might actually be the best thing you can get there.

That sounds great. Yeah. I think that's great. That's a koalak go-to. Koalak, Matt Koalak loves pan to express, and that was his go-to order. It's also great you brought your college glory days. I got orange chicken and a bowl, and my wallet fell in the toilet. I also played a lot of Super Smash Brothers 64.

Oh, man. How was your solo dorm rooms? You had a roommate, I guess. I had two, well, I had two roommates my first year, and then I had multiple roommates, the summer after college. Why am I breaking this down? I had a roommate, basically, at all points in my life, except for one summer, when I was working an internship in San Diego.

And then you left college, is that correct? I left college, yeah. Like, yes, I dropped out of college. Not enough milk in the cafeteria. Nick and I are anti-college guys. Yeah, fuck college. Yeah, fuck college. College is stupid.

College is stupid. I mean, it's stupid. It's fucking camp. I agree. You dumb fucks. Anyone listen to this? Who's in college? You're a fucking dumb fuck.

You can't be in the Venn Diagram friend group. My orange chicken, I will say, was not, it could have been warmer, which is the thing that's going to happen at a cafeteria-style place. Interesting. Like that. Same with the walnut shrimp. I wish it was just a little bit crispier, like, I feel like I kind of got, I went in at a weird time.

I think I went in around like 4.30 or 5.00 or something. Sure. So, it was kind of a strange time to go in there. Actually, it's on the receipt, I think, yeah, 5.27 p.m., which is kind of right before the dinner rush. Although it was decently busy, but I will say, and it just makes me feel like that place is just always people are kind of coming through there and getting, because they serve you so fast and getting in and getting out.

The fire, and this is the receipt that you hear crinkling around, the firecracker, chicken breast, I got a batch that came fresh out of the oven. Score. Yeah. So, that was, it was good. It's funny though, because that was kind of like the most, like we're talking about, the most kind of authentic one, and to me, I was kind of like, fuck this like authentic, more authentic one.

Sure. It was still super sugary and like, kind of like a thick soy sauce almost. It was okay. It wasn't bad. I didn't hate it, but it wasn't great. Yeah. I mean, I'll touch on the orange chicken real quick, was that I had a similar thing of like, yeah, it was kind of more warm than hot, and I'd like it a little bit more pipe and hot.

Also when I was ordering, another thing my guardian angel did as a suited man is, I didn't see how this originally happened, but I heard him just remarked to the woman serving him. She was like, he was like, hey, you dropped an ink pen on the burner. Oh my God. And she was like, what? She didn't understand, because ink pen was kind of a weird thing to say, I think English was a second language. And he's like, ink pen, you dropped an ink pen under the burner.

He's like, lift up the pan. And it was like, the pan that like a vegetable dish was sitting in, like she lifted it up and like underneath it, there was like a pen just sitting on the burner. And I think this guy like saved the lives of everyone at the pen express, because it seems like the kind of thing that we're like, I don't know what happens if a pen catches fire. It just seemed like a recipe for disaster, and it seemed like they also wouldn't have noticed it unless this guy had pointed it out.

It's really crazy. When factories catch fire, the last one you want to catch fire is the pen factory. Oh no, the pens are on fire. Look, I'm not a chemist. I don't know, I'm certainly not, whatever that forensics guy who works for the fire department is, but I like that to me just struck me as the thing, you've got this piece of plastic under it's like a super hot pan that no one knows about. It seems like some consequences are going to happen at some point.

And the ink is extremely flammable. God damn it. Dumbass. You should go back to college, you fucking dumbass. But the orange chicken was good, it could have been a little warmer, but you know, definitely delivers in the orange chicken. And I feel like that was the thing of like, yeah, that's what I need, that's that pan to express sort of filling that void.

Firecracker chicken, I agree with you. She like, you know, the woman served me very pleasant. She asked me if I like spicy as kind of like a warning. I was like, yeah, give me spicy and I had it. There's very little heat to that. I didn't even have those whole, those whole red peppers in it that I was biting into and like a lot of times when I get those in a Chinese restaurant, I'm like, oh boy, this is going to cause me some pain.

And I had those. I've been to a whole one. I was like, this is not even affecting me. Like they've been deseeded or something. Those red chili peppers are the thing where if I eat Chinese food or if I have orange chicken or general styles and there's those red peppers in there, if I eat those, my stomach is going to be hurting me later. And I did eat some of them at a pan to express, but it didn't hurt.

So far it hasn't hurt. It might still. I think they, I think they probably have a genetically engineered or a specifically bread version that is a little less spicy for America, the American palette and or they deseed them in the factory or something to just make sure they're just not as hot because they were definitely less hot than I've experienced in a more authentic place. And then we got in, you guys got the walnut shrimp. What was your assessment of the walnut shrimp?

It was good. I mean, it's so even sweeter than the orange chicken. It's very sweet. Again, I totally, like I said, I didn't have a newer batch, but like, and I want it to be a little crispier like the orange chicken is, but it is, it is good. It is sweet. It's another candied, it's another candied dish. I mean, I think it tastes good with like the noodles or something if you like eat it at

the same time in the same bite. That's the least weird thing. That's completely normal. I mean, I, I, I, I'm always, if I'm taking a bite of orange chicken or a bite of the candied shrimp, I'm always getting a little bit of rice on there. I always need a little, a little rice. There's definitely something. Definitely something to be said for that Panda Express experience of just like everything

is so mashup-able, like you could just sort of like stir it all up and have one bite of everything all at once. And it's just, I don't know, I think that's part of the experience. You wrap a little, some chow mein around your fork and then you poke it into that a walnut shrimp and then you put the whole thing in your mouth. And then like the shrimp will hop over to the chicken. Yeah. And you're like, oh, okay, let's do this.

Like you're all in there. Well, I think that is officially weird. You, you bring up a thing to like, you're like, I'm eating the noodles with the shrimp. Is that weird? And it's like, look at Nick. We eat everything. Like he admitted to drinking eight glasses of milk a day. Nothing is weird to us.

Yeah, I like the walnut shrimp is good. It's not as good as the orange chicken, but it's, it's, it's still really good. It probably had second place. It probably beat off the firecracker chicken. And my egg rolls were really, I don't know how you guys were so, so on the cream cheese, swanton or whatever, but my, my egg rolls were kind of fresh out of the oven and they brought them over to me because they weren't done. There's one guy who was great.

My, the, the server, besides this girl who I guess now found out had ripped me off, but the guy who I was talking to was, was really, really great and nice and gave me nice portions of stuff. And, and so I, I give a big thumbs up to the service. What size portion did you receive? Would you say it was an excess of one quarter portion? Really with the rice? Yeah.

It was actually exactly one quarter portion. One quarter portion. Oh well. People got really mad at me for disliking the Force Awakens. Yeah. You keep digging yourself that ditch, man. Can I also say that the Super Bowl was awful yesterday? I'm not a negative guy, but that Super Bowl was, was a bad, was a bad Super Bowl and I'm

sick of everyone hitting on the Patriots, but whatever, I won't even get into it. But that was exactly what the NFL wanted and it was a fucking boring game with Peyton Manning who fucking gets PD sent to his wife and then has goons go and fucking shake people down. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of people booing Tom Brady. I'm fucking sick of it. Didn't Peyton Manning like sit on a lady's face? Yeah, he did.

He's a piece of shit. That's not great. Yeah. He's awful. Tom Brady's a stud. He's never done anything wrong. He just looks good. He's a handsome guy.

Everyone hates him because he's handsome and he wins. Yeah. Hey, look, I'm fine with Tom Brady. I like Tom Brady. I think the Peyton Manning like, oh, he's the sheriff like kind of like lionization of this guy. It's a little overblown. Like I don't care.

And I also think like he is, he loves Papa John for some reason and Papa John seems like a piece of shit. He like doesn't want to give his employees health care. Yeah, he's an ass. Papa John is an asshole. Papa John fucking sucks. He kissed Papa John. That was the first movie made after the game and then fucking chilled Budweiser beer.

That was his opening line of being like, I'm going to go have a Budweiser beer. Papa John also has, he kind of has the Kevin Smith slash Quentin Tarantino slash M Night Shyamalan thing of like he just wants to cast himself in things, which I'm just like, just get another, just get an actor to be like, you don't have to be the spokesman for the brand, you know? Oh, I agree. Unless you have the charisma of Dave from Wendy's Rest in Peace, who was a wonderful spokesperson for his brand, you don't have to step into the ads, you know?

I almost truly am going to tear up just thinking about Dave Thomas. I love Dave Thomas. Such a great guy. He was great. He was great. Did Papa John do that thing where they were like, we are sorry. We messed up. Did they?

Did they do an ad or something? They were like, our pizza hasn't been great lately. No, that was Domino's. That was Domino's. Yeah. Oh, cool. Wow, Mitch, we said that in unison. I killed him.

Oh, God. Wait a minute. Am I actually your drop dead friend? But if you can't be my drop dead friend, that would be the most boring. A more boring man than me is my drop dead friend. Did anyone eat any good food for the Super Bowl? I didn't watch it. I just went and got Pan Express.

Oh, so you did. You had Pan Express. Oh, I did. I ate good food. Pan Express. You know, I didn't watch the game either. I don't follow the NFL, though. I will next season now that my beloved Rams are coming back to Los Angeles.

Also a Rams in there, my second favorite NFL team. Hey, there you go. But my wife and I, we go to this Indian restaurant that we originally went to on a few Super Bowls ago. Same circumstances. Trisha was during the game and we went in there and there was no one there. It's this restaurant called Chandni in Santa Monica. Wonderful vegetarian Indian place.

Great service. Delicious food. We go there every Super Bowl, just kind of like our own mini tradition. We went there. We had a fantastic vegetarian meal. It was a real treat. That sounds great. Yeah, kind of the antithesis of Super Bowl eating.

But I feel like if you're not doing a Super Bowl party, why not do something a little different? Would you say vegetarian meal? Yeah. Yeah. I had Domino's because everything else was closed. I tried to get Fresh Brothers, but I think they only took pre-order, so they weren't opened up on the day of.

Yeah, you told me that and I was baffled. The idea that a pizza place would not keep pizza. I'll tell you we're probably livid, I guess. I was pretty mad. You texted me that and I was like, what the fuck? It's a pizza place closed on the Super Bowl. What are you thinking? It's so weird.

Yeah. But we got a big order from Domino's. We got a podcast. Evan Susser and Maddie Smith over the house and future guest, Bug Main, Nick Horasi and former guest, Ben Axelrad and future guest, David Phillips, who you know from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Our buddy DP. We love him.

Shout out. Yeah. Good crew. We ate a bunch of Domino's and we loved it. It was really great. It was a good time. It was a good time. Fuck Papa John.

He can't even lick the boots of Dave Thomas. He's a little fucking. He's a little soupless bitch. I'm actually, you called him a soupless bitch. He's a lot used on you. I really actually am looking forward to the, you know, I'm not trying to get ahead of our four cranes or everything, but I am kind of looking forward to the Papa John's episode because I have some opinions.

Yeah. We're going to tear that guy fucking apart. I can't wait. It'll happen at some point in the near future. We should bring mics to his house and beat the shit out of Papa John on there, which just turns into us getting our ass kicked by Papa John. You can't think of anything more humiliating than the inevitable outcome of both of us. Two on one brawl, getting our ass kicked by Papa John Schnotter.

Oh my God. Losing consciousness while he stares down at us with his horrifically mangled plastic surgery face. Oh my God. All right. Let's get to our thoughts on Panda Express. Tricia, you know how this goes. We're going to go around, give our closing argument and give a rating from one to five

forks. We'll start with you. Okay. The closing argument. I like Panda Express. I think it is good for what it is. I think it's good for eating alone. That's my big thing.

If me and a friend or my husband are going to eat Chinese food, I'm going to get it from no offense, but a real Chinese food place and get a bunch of different things and share it or whatever. But if I'm alone or I'm into wet pants or whatever, I'm going to go to Panda Express and get my own little serving thing where I can get two little things and my noodles and my thing. I think there was four or five men besides me eating alone in there. It's a great point.

It's a really good point. There were a lot of solo eaters in Panda Express when I was in there. Yeah. There was specifically no one. I went around, not quite the dinner rush, but around the dinner rush, around 7.30. There was no one who was eating with a dining companion. Everyone was eating alone. That is an interesting observation.

Please continue. Right. So yeah, I think for what it is for me, I like the orange chicken, I like the walnut shrimp. I know they have other things. I never get them. I just don't. I look at the eggplant thing and I'm like, nope.

Something that I thought of too is they have it in airports. I think bringing it in an airplane is a horrible thing and no one should ever do that. If you're in an airport, especially if you're hungover or something and you're not going to bring it on a plane, I don't think it's a terrible thing to eat in an airport. I say no to bringing any food on planes. Right. Yeah. Just don't bring it on.

God damn it. Especially Burger King, which I don't even hate Burger King, but I feel like Burger King can stink up an entire cabin. Oh my God. Yeah. I mean, monster people do that. No one should do that. Anyway, yeah, the service was really good.

They have Chinese zodiacs on top of the soda machines. I thought that was cute. And you get a fortune cookie. Yes. I thought it was great. So, would you like to say forks now? Yeah. Give your rating.

Okay. Four forks. Wow. Okay. Good rating. Go ahead, Spoon Man. Yeah. It's hard for me to really hate on it because here's the deal with it.

Also, of course, I got my fortune cookie and a diet Pepsi as well to finish off my order. Like I said before, Panda Express is kind of like the king of Chinese fast food. But if I'm ordering Chinese food, I probably won't get Panda Express. I'll order at some local place that is just probably does what Panda Express does but a little bit better, especially on the East Coast. I would never eat at a Panda Express. But Panda Express is good in a jam if you're really craving that orange chicken. And if you're at the airport, like you said, or kind of like on the road or something like

that, Panda Express is always a good option. It's not bad, but it's not great. It's kind of just in the middle for me. But I enjoy it. I'd say three forks for me. Three forks. Also, I got a fortune. Well, it was fun today because you got a little red envelope.

Cool. We got it in Vietnam because of the lisi. Yeah. A little red envelope with a little treat inside, soft and money. And a Chinese, yeah, red envelope and a hung bao, I guess it's called. And it came with a free firecracker chicken breast and a free 22 ounce Dr. Pepper. So this is, I guess, on Chinese New Year. And Trisha, since you're such a big fan, I'm going to give that to you.

Oh my God. That's my gift to you. Wow, that's very thoughtful, bitch. I'm very happy. Thank you. If you like Dr. Pepper and the sizzling, the firecracker chicken, you're in for a treat. Dr. Pepper, it's very funny. Why Dr. Pepper?

Yeah, it's co-branded there at the Panda Express. They got some deal. It doesn't really make a lot of sense. It's not a logical pairing with Chinese food. You can truly go to the Soda Fong, whichever one you want. And then I got a fortune, too. It's really specific. Your podcasting co-hosts will die of auto-erotic asphyxiation while watching the Minions.

Really strange. But who knows, they're just fortunes and you're not supposed to say I'm allowed. And I got another one that said, a distant romance could begin to look more promising. Oh boy. Wow. You know who that is. There's no one. Maybe that's in reference to our guest, who has been apart from her spouse for an extended

period of time. And it's going to start to be more promising because the end is in sight, soon Eugene will be returning and you can once again be united here in the United States. Sure, yeah. My fortune is for Tricia. Well, what's the other possibility that you're going to fucking fall in love with someone? Yeah. Find your soulmate?

All right. Yeah, maybe we'll meet someone in Columbia. Oh boy. Zika virus is what I'm going to meet. No. Mitch, I promise when you are kidnapped by the Sandinistas and there is some ransom on your head, I will contribute $25 to the Kickstarter. What a piece of shit.

My thoughts on Panda Express are complicated. They're partly complicated because if I'm rating the Asian cuisines, I'm not sure where I put American Chinese food, but it's not the top for me. Like for me, I really like Japanese food. I love Thai food. I love Vietnamese food. Chinese food might be 4th or I would say 5th, but I don't know what goes in front of it. I would say it's probably about 4th and you know, it's not something I crave a lot.

It's not something I go out to a lot. Even like the good Chinese places, the more steam Chinese places that are out here, it's not the sort of thing where I'm like, oh, I want to make a special trip to that. There are lots of other cuisines I'd have in instead. And you know, Panda Express is kind of a, I mean it is, it's a low rate version of it. It's just like it's a quick and easy fast food version of a kind of cuisine that I don't really, I'm not really in love with, that I like and I can enjoy it when it's done well and I can appreciate it when it's done well, but it's not my favorite thing.

And for that reason, I have to think of it the same way of like, oh, I'm evaluating like a, if a burger place, a fast food burger place, if I wasn't that into burgers, you know what I mean? If like burger and fries was a thing, I could take or leave and then I could go to like a Burger King, which is not a great execution of it. It's a capable fast food execution of it. I feel like I'd hold Burger King and lower esteem. And for that reason, I'm probably going to come a little lower than you guys.

I'm definitely going to come a little lower than you guys on Panda Express, but I too got a fortune cookie and I have not opened it until now. I am taking it out of its wrapper. That's the crinkling you're hearing. And I'm going to crack this buddy open and based on my assessment of it, it's, it's fortune. I may alter my rating by a number of times. Let's look at this here. Is this the first time you haven't eaten the fortune?

All right. I'll crack this open. A wish will be granted after a long delay. Kind of ambiguous, not really exciting, kind of a disappointing vague fortune. It's probably about me and Eugene. Probably about, probably about you and Eugene. Or this could be about me dying in Columbia. I hope you come home safe and sound, so you can continue doing this dumb podcast.

It's a waste of everyone's time. Most of all, large. Two and a half forks. Whoa. That's two tines for Panda Express. Two and a half or two and two quarter forks. Yeah. I was using the tine system.

Pretty good setup by me to make this right on Chinese New Year, huh? That kind of worked out perfectly. Yeah. I will, I will admit that my friend Hillary set me, I told me that it was Chinese New Year. And I had no idea. So. Hillary Clinton.

That's right. God damn it. God damn it. Chinese food. You know how I like my egg food? Really young. Oh my God. Okay.

Bill Clinton was not like a guy who famously had sexual young women. That's right. I'm friends with Jared now. Oh no. What are you doing? It's true. I don't care if it hurts my wife's campaign. I'm so bored.

She's in New Hampshire right now. If this turns into a New Hampshire radio ad and sinks her candidacy during the primary tomorrow, I'll be really be something. Hey, who's everyone voting for? We should say that on the air before. Bernie. Wait, Bill Clinton, you're President Clinton? You're not voting for Hillary?

Your wife? Your voting for Bernie? No way. You're a cockpock. Oh no. All right. That was Panda Express. It's time for a regular segment.

It's Valentine's Day upon us. It's time for a roundup of Valentine's Day treats. This is Season's Eatings. Oh Jesus Christ. Yup. The same theme song. Of course the theme song for Season's Eatings, Guster's cover of Mama Sita Don De Esta Santa Clause.

So we've got a few different options here. I just got to say that that song just reminds me that Valentine's Day is a fucking weak holiday. I really, it's kind of a bullshit holiday. You know, we talked about eating out on Valentine's Day. I would say. Whoa, easy. Okay.

All right, good boy. Oh boy. Get your minds out of the gutter. Natalie just put a gun in her mouth. I was dining out, going to a restaurant on Valentine's Day. I feel like is a low value proposition. They jack up their prices. They have menus that are like Valentine's Day menu where you get smaller portions.

They're overcharging it. I would say if you can't avoid going out, do it. Just have yourself a home cooked meal with your sweetie. Don't go out to eat unless you really, really need to. But yeah, Valentine's Day is a fucking scam, but that said, there's a bunch of candy associated with it. I like how you soldiered on through that. I appreciate it.

It was good. What the fuck am I supposed to talk about? Hey, it wasn't only me. Trisha laughed too. I guess I went a little overboard by saying Natalie put a gun in her mouth. It's fine. It's fine. Do you think my wife wants to commit suicide?

Because I'm going down on her? What are you talking about? I could tell what that meant, like if he didn't or if he did, like I was like, what does that mean? I'm sorry. No, Nick got it right when he said it. I'm sorry. Let's introduce this first one.

The first one is Lindor, limited edition strawberries and cream, which these are like the chocolates, right? Yeah, they're like a little chocolate, white chocolate strawberries and cream. Strawberries and cream, white chocolate truffles. Great. And then we've also got this next one, a little bit of gummy treat. This next one is Lifesavers Gummy's Message Hearts and Rings. So there's a couple of hearts in here that say stuff on them, like the classic Valentine's

hearts that no one likes and then the Lifesavers Rings. And then we got this one we know is going to deliver. Yep, we got the Reese's Peanut Butter Hearts, which we decided to just add on because we know they're going to be good. Let's see if anyone can beat them though. That's the big thing. Well, we do have one novelty candy coming up as our last entry. This is the Perfect Man, a solid decorated milk chocolate bar that is in the shape of

a man and he's got some shorts on. The shorts look to have been licked off. The Burger Boy did have this candy before us. He's sweet and decadently rich, just how a man ought to be. All right, you guys can crack those open, start digging in, start telling us what you think. All right. You don't have to hold your opinions at all. I'm going to get a shot of this Perfect Man that I can post on Twitter.

It really is a lot of fun. All right, I'm opening up right now the Lint's, what is it, Lint Lindor? Why does it say two names on it? I think the Lindor is the style of truffle. I don't get this Perfect Man open. You want to toss one of those over to Trish? Sure thing. Trish, one's coming at you.

She caught it. And I got one out too. And now I'm also going to be opening up these lifesavers gummies. Much easier to open. Nope, I spoke too soon. They're not. The Perfect Man is coming out of his plastic sarcophagus. I'm guessing that you basically got the milk chocolate for the body of the man and then

sort of a white chocolate, maybe a white chocolate with some food coloring to comprise the hearts on the boxer shorts. Smells like, oh, I smell a lot of like strawberry coming from those truffles. Yeah, this is really strawberry. I'm going to open this some of the shop. I believe that that coastal could have been the lifesavers gummies, which I just opened up to. I'm trying the lifesavers gummies right now.

There you go. Boy, that is very, very strawberry. If you handed me one of these, I would not be expecting that strawberry kick. It's very potent. It just tastes like pink, like intense pink. That's a perfect assessment. It is. It does taste like what pink looks like.

Yeah. Absolutely right. Lifesaver gummies taste like lifesaver gummies. It's kind of like also kind of just like a catch all reddish, strawberry, pinkish flavor. I actually like the hearts. The hearts are a little bit better than the rings, which is what lifesaver gummies usually are because just because they're smaller, easier to eat. Lifesavers gummies are funny to me because when they came out, I thought they would just

be a thing that lasted a few weeks or like a couple months. They've gone on to, they've stuck around forever. Nick's not having to tell me. Oh no, oh no. I just bit my cheek. Oh Jesus. Which in the midst of eating gummies, I'm already a gummy skeptic. Oh wow.

Sorry, the experience even further. Gummi bears, if you get good ones, they're maybe my favorite candy. Yeah, these don't taste like gummy bears. Yeah. They have like a very like dust taste like over the lifesavers gummies like a sugary dust. I don't know what it is, but it's not great. I would say if you're alone on Valentine's Day and you're trying to eat that sadness away, these lifesaver gummies will not do the trick.

Wow. I feel like they are going to make you feel a little worse because they're a very inadequate candy. Yeah. I would say skip the lifesaver gummies, message hearts and rings. I actually, I'm not that horrid on them, but I'm about to take a bite of this Lindor chocolate thing. Oh.

Clear the pal a little bit with a little water. You guys are right. I didn't think it was overwhelmingly pink like you guys did, but it's very rich. I didn't know that had like a creamy center. Yeah. I don't love it. I don't love white chocolate. Yeah.

It's a part of my channel. Yeah, me neither. So. I like the way it looks. I'm surprised you guys didn't use the mention of eating pink to once against reference me going down on my lovely wife and make fun of me for it. I'm eating this Reese's peanut butter heart. Man.

It's really good. Oh, that's good as hell. Come on. Out the livers. She was like a shorter fatter heart. I mean. Yeah. It's kind of like this long skinny heart.

Yeah. You know what it looks more like? It looks more like a butt. It's kind of like, if you turn it upside down, it looks more like a man bending over. But it's just so darn good. Yeah, it's delicious. It's basically like, it's like the Christmas tree. They just sort of like changed the mold just a little bit.

I agree. The proportions could have been a little better. I got the perfect man. I'm going to rip his head off. Is that okay with you guys? Yeah. Go for it. God, think how sweet that would be to do to fucking Papa John Snotter tear that smug

fuck's face off. I'm going to eat his feet. Hmm. This can only be described as nasty. All right. There's like a weird taste going on with that. I like the man. I have a headless legless torso.

Not for me. I guess I'm going to tear off his left bicep. You should have the shorts. You know, there's something really weird with that chocolate to me. It doesn't taste right. It's fine. They're selling this based off of the shape in the novelty. I mean, let's not kid ourselves.

This isn't great quality chocolate. It's fine. It kind of tastes like a chocolate bunny. Yeah. You're right. Is that kind of Easter Bunny quality chocolate? I mean, these look, the Reese's look like they don't look like a butt to me. I see a butt.

What are you doing? Oh, no. Oh, you're thinking like it looks like a scrotum. It looks like a, yes, it looks like a ball sack. Yeah, I got you. But it's delicious. It's so good. I'm sorry.

You said it looks like a ball sack then made a point of turning the balls in towards you and taking a hearty chomp. I'm going to see if I can have a chunk of this, these shorts. Just experience it. I don't want to taste a little shorts. I'll taste the shorts. Do you think I am Bart Simpson? I'll pass.

Bart Simpson instructs others to eat his shorts. Bart doesn't love eating shorts? No, yeah. The quote is eat my shorts, not eat my shorts as I do. Yum, yum, I'm eating my shorts. I worked at Simpsons for a long time. I worked at the Simpsons. And I'm pretty sure it was eat my shorts like I do.

Laetitia is in the Fox family. I am now in the Fox family, so maybe we can get an answer from corporate for that. All right, what do you guys think is the winner of this season's eatings? I mean, I think my pick is pretty obvious. Reese's never goes wrong. So fucking good. They're the best. It just delivers.

They're better than the regular cups. These ones are a little bit melty. Like the egg or whatever. Exactly like the egg. It's just a little better than the regular cup. When you get that seasonal Reese's, just seize the day. Go for it. Did you have a runner-up, Trisha?

Man. The man. The man. The man. I'm now holding just his thighs in half of his crotch. He's been horrifically mangled by us. Did the shorts taste any different to you or no? Like a little hint of white chocolate.

But if you look underneath the shorts, it's more man. So it's just like a lot more milk chocolate. So it's just like a very thin layer of shorts. I'll take a bite of it. Yeah, go for it. I mean, the man is probably my least favorite. Sorry, Trisha. Okay.

I would say for me, I shouldn't have done that. This is gross. For me, I would say Reese's clear winner. Then a little bit, I mean, a ways down the list. A lot of separation. We go to the Life Savers candies. And even a little bit more separation, the whatever. Lindor, lint, chocolates.

Finally, that man is just kind of nasty tasting to me. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, those two kind of at the bottom. If I'm looking at the treats here, the only things I want to eat again are that Reese's and that Panda Express fortune cookie, if I'm being completely honest. Any final thoughts on this array of Valentine's Day snacks, Trisha? The man is, I like the man a little bit. And I think if you see the man in the drugstore, you should just try it.

Maybe I like him because I'm a woman. Yeah, you're just like this short, shirtless guy. I'm going to tell Eugene about this. Oh, thank you so much. I tell you, I've seen Eugene with his shirt off. I see this guy with his shirt off. Eugene's got nothing to worry about. Oh, shit.

I think that this sums up how Valentine's is fucking wack holiday. I know these snacks are pretty awful. Yeah, they're subpar snacks. I don't know. I guess if you want to get your sweetie some C's candies or something nice from a nice chocolatey or go for it, but as far as buying for yourself, I guess stick with Reese's or just get a fucking Snickers or something. Valentine's Day is worse than Easter.

I feel like it's one of the worst. I mean, it's great when you have a loved one, I guess. But it isn't even. There's so much weird pressure on it. It does kind of suck. It sucks. It's bad. I'm going to be in Columbia for it anyways. And before I go, I got to get myself a quesalupa, which I was right about last week on the podcast.

I have to get one of those before I go to Columbia. So this is your prediction on the last episode. You predicted the quesalupa for the secret Taco Bell unveiling. It happened to be the case. It happened to be the case. And the hashtag Spoon Man was trending. Spoon Man was right. Was trending worldwide, I believe.

Was trending worldwide? Number one was Spoon Man was right. And number two was we respect Zane. Oh my God, Zane. All right, that was Season's Eatings. Just like a restaurant, we value your feedback. Today's email comes to us from Chase Horton. Chase writes, great name, by the way, Chase Horton.

Okay, sounds like a stud. Every year for Lent, I try to give up a favorite food or drink until Easter. What would be the hardest chain-related food or drink to give up for over a month? Love the podcast. Thanks for the question, Chase. Trisha, do you have any thoughts on anything you'd have to give up for Lent that would be a difficult proposition for you? Could be chain food? Could be any sort of food? Um, God.

Salt. I like love salt. Like adding salt to things? Yes. But you could still like, I think it would be hard to cut out salt completely from your diet. Okay, great. Then in and out. Yeah, that would be tricky, boy. I mean, if someone was like, we're going in and out, I have to get it.

Or if I want it. I mean, I don't know. 30 days doesn't seem like that long, but in and out would be the hardest to say no to for sure. How long is that? You were raised Catholic, Mitch. For 40 days, right? Yeah, I have no fucking idea. I got yelled at. I told you the story. Yeah.

Cardinal Law was at my confirmation and asked me a question. I got it wrong. I told you. Do you remember what the question was? No, I have no idea. But is Cardinal Law, if you've seen Spotlight, this is the villainous Cardinal who covered up all the sex abuse cases in the Boston area. What crime that was going for? He was at my confirmation and my godfather just told the story to me that Cardinal, like, asked me. And then I was like the wrong person to ask because I don't listen to anything as you can tell on this podcast.

And I said something that was completely wrong and the whole church laughed. And Cardinal Law said, I'll get back at all of you. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That was just a few months before it all happened. It truly was a few months before all that stuff went down. That's insane. Do you have a food related item that would be tough for you to give up for Lantmitch?

Well, I got to do it again but I've already done it and it was the hardest thing was to give up just carbs. Carbs and sugars. Oh, that's tricky. For specifically pizza. I just love pizza so much. I'm weak and I love bread and I love sandwiches and I love bread. Sure. And I love pizza. I like to eat pizza.

I want to eat pizza once a week and it's messed up. It's never changed. As I get older, that will change and it hasn't changed. And it's just really... It's a tough thing for me to give up. I love it. Pizza is my favorite. Just plain cheese pizza I love.

And I guess giving up a diet coke or something. I need some sort of non-water drink always. And so I guess that's... I like... I know that there's some people out there who don't like water. This is a weird conversation to get into and it's too long to get into right now. But we'll talk about it on a future episode. There are people who don't like water.

I used to not like water. It has no flavor. I used to not like water either. I like water now. But I always want a non-water drink. Yeah, I'm with you. I think... My answer is changing a bunch as I'm hearing you monologue there. The obvious chain related thing I would say is Del Taco. Which I think, if you listen to the podcast, is maybe a little bit of a predictable answer for me.

Since it's one of my favorite fast food spots. But yeah, in and out burger I also struggle with giving up for that length of time. But I think if we're going to get a little bit more abstract and talk about foods in the general sense, I was going to say ice cream. Because I love ice cream very much. I get it every week, at least once a week. I could also say potatoes.

Because there are many fine potato preparations. And I consider that an indulgence. But an indulgence I have to have with some frequency. Be it mashed, be it baked, be it in some sort of... Be it in an aloo sag, a potato Indian dish. But I think, honestly, hearing you talk about non-water drinks, I think the toughest thing for me to give up would be carbonation. If I couldn't have carbonated water, or beer, or sodas.

If I could only drink flat beverages, for that length of time, I think I'd go insane. I think that would drive me fucking crazy. Because I drink so much carbonated water. That's maybe my favorite non-alcoholic beverage to drink. And even if I get a spirit, I'll get like a vodka soda, or a vodka tonic. I like a little bit of bubbles.

And if I couldn't have any bubbles, man, I'd lose my fucking mind. If we had to go to brand stuff, and I mean, you already are losing your mind and you're scaring Chris. But if I had to go to specific brands, it would probably be like Wendy's or something. Even though it's not like... I could go a month without it, if I had to.

Sure. And then I love Cool Rancheritos. Oh my god, Cool Rancheritos, come on. They're the best. Those are always hard to... I mean, even though I'm probably... eat those at a rate of like once a month or something, hopefully. I mean, probably more.

And then for me, oh man, I get to go a drink that I love. Besides having just a Coca-Cola classic, which I quit, I just love having a nice cold Coca-Cola classic sometimes. I don't do it anymore. I'll drink to Iacoc or I'm trying to just drink like water or sparkling water or something like that

or like Perrier or something. But I love Gatorade and I specifically love Fierce Strawberry Gatorade. It's my favorite. It's so hard to give up. I've never had that. I love Fierce Strawberry Gatorade.

It's really good. And I just really love it. And I don't want to give it up ever. Gatorade bad for you? Gatorade is pretty bad for you. I mean, Gatorade is like that funny thing where I was like, I guess when I was younger, I was like, I guess I'm drinking like a Gatorade instead of like

a Coke or something. And then it's like, it's pretty... It's no better. The way I just got hooked to Gatorade from doing sports when I was younger and then you drink Gatorade. And then as you get older, you're like, oh, Gatorade is just like kind of good and it's a thirst quencher.

Even though I think there might be like an alternate to actually be beneficial or something. But when you're hungover, especially when I was in college and stuff, you need a Gatorade. I needed Gatorades or else I would be like dying. I take like four Advil

and I have a nice Gatorade fruit punch at the time. And now I've moved on to Fierce Strawberry Gatorade. But I love Gatorade for a hangover cure. So I can't... That's one thing I don't want to give up, but mostly just bread or pizza. It's like 60 things.

The reason I might die in Columbia is because I'll be without these things. I'm sick. I'm a sick man. What do you want from me? I have to eat ceviche for four days. That's why I'm going to die. I'm going to kill myself as I have a ceviche. You're going to have a great time.

You're going to have a wonderful, wonderful trip to Columbia. I wish you well. There, you and Micas are on the same spot. And Chang Man and Johnny Two Eyes and Joey roast beef. And Fat Pussy.

You and all your friends. The Cardinal. He joined our group. If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at dowboyspodcast at gmail.com. Check out our Twitter at dowboyspod. Follow us on Facebook.

Thank you so much for coming here. Thank you for having me. I already have a second episode in mind if you'll entertain us the possibility of returning in the future. In Pasadena, there is the Panda Express test kitchen. It is open to the public. They try out new dishes there.

If we had a free afternoon, perhaps when Eugene is back in town, we take a convoy over to Pasadena. We try out the test kitchen. We report back on the podcast. If you're willing to entertain it, I think it would be a great follow up episode. Day. Any day of the year.

Do you have anything you would like to plug? I guess Watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine on television on Tuesdays. That's nice. I mean, I would plug that. Awesome. On Fox, check that out. On Fox, yeah. Fox Family.

That'll do it for this episode of Doe Boys. For Mike Mitchell the Spoon Bad, until next time, I'm Nick Weiger. Happy eating. See ya.