Doughboys - Panera 3 with Kimia Behpoornia

Episode Date: May 15, 2025

Kimia Behpoornia (@childclown) joins the 'boys to talk Bond movies, hot dogs, and the vegetarian lifestyle before a review of Panera's new croissant sandwiches. Plus, another edition of Chew Truths and a Fry.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSources for this week's intro:https://jasonssullivan.com/2024/07/14/the-music-evolution-and-a-brief-history-of-pantera/https://metal.fandom.com/wiki/Panterahttps://www.rollingstone.com/feature/behind-the-murder-of-dimebag-darrell-233541/https://www.thenation.com/article/economy/panera-bread-capitalism/https://www.panerabread.com/en-us/company/our-history.htmlSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to youtube.com slash doughboysmedia. Mcrispy strips are now at McDonald's. Tender, juicy, and its own sauce. Would you look at that? Well, you can't see it, but trust me, it looks delicious. New Mcrispy strips, now at McDonald's.

Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. Hey buddy, Mitch, we're going to be doing our 10th anniversary Doughboys live show in your hometown of Boston, Massachusetts on Saturday, May 17th at the Wilbur, wow. Wow, tickets are still available, Wags. Get out and see the 10th anniversary show. We got John Gabers, we got John Hodgman. We got Nick Lager and Mike Mitchell

But don't worry about that. It's gonna be a great time. There's gonna be fun surprises It's gonna be it's gonna be a blast John squared Hodgman Gabris two of the best around truly two incredible guests one incredible show One 10th anniversary night. You're not gonna want to.com. Birdfuck.com, get your tickets. Wilber Theater, May 17th, 7 p.m. See you then! In 1981, Texas brothers Darryl Lance Abbott, a guitarist, and Vincent Paul Abbott, a drummer,

co-founded a metal band initially called Gemini. After first rebranding as Eternity, the siblings better known as Dimebag Darryl and Vinnie Paul settled on the name that would go down in heavy metal history, Pantera, pulled from the Italian word for panther. Joined by bassist Rex Brown and original vocalist Terry Glaze, Pantera released three albums to middling success, before swapping the clean, clean glam tones of glaze for the guttural growling vocals of new singer Phil Anselmo. The year was 1987. Also in 1987, the St. Louis Bread Company was founded in St. Louis, though it would gain national prominence when it

rebranded to a name that's one letter off of Pantera, pulled from the Spanish word for breadb basket. Both Pantera and its chain bakery Simulacrum would see huge success in the early 90s. Pantera with its million selling albums Cowboys from Hell and Vulgar Display of Power and St. Louis Bread with its multi-million dollar sale to All Bomb Pan. However, while the bread company would continue to thrive in subsequent decades, growing to over 2,000 locations in North America, Pantera would collapse under its own weight. And Selma's addition to the lineup would ultimately lead to its undoing,

with his erratic behavior and far-right politics leading to intra-band tension and then its dissolution in 2003, followed by Dimebag Darrell's tragic murder by a schizophrenic fan the next year. The bakery has had its own tragedies. It faced wrongful death suits in 2023 after a murder in 2003. followed by Dimebag Darrell's tragic murder by a schizophrenic fan the next year. The bakery has had its own tragedies. It faced wrongful death suits in 2023 after multiple customers died from consuming its caffeine-loaded charged lemonade. But for four decades, these two

institutions established the same calendar year have coexisted in America, occupying vastly different spheres, heavy metal and baked goods, only separated by a single letter T. This week on Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Tiger Weiger along with my co-host, a man with a literal chip on his shoulder, the spoon man, Mike Mitchell. All right. That's okay. Yeah, that's okay. That's funny. The idea of me having a chip on his shoulder, the Spoon Man Mike Mitchell. All right, that's okay.

Yeah, that's okay. The idea of me having a chip on my shoulder is funny. Yeah, that chip's not there for very long. It's getting chomped. Yeah, if you fucking, you're jumping over and chomping it. Don't forget, he's a big boy too. That's true, I do love to eat. Don't forget listeners, we got another big boy on the other side.

Another big boy who likes to eat. I thought this would be a fitting roast since it combines two of Mitch's well-known traits, his many grievances and his messy eating style. Thanks for all the laughs. Well, you know, I'll say this. Burger Brigadier for life, Aaron from Ottawa, up in Ontario, roast at birdfuck.com.

Are you all right? I'm fine with the tariffs now. I was, oh no, I'm not all right? I'm fine with the tariffs now. Um, uh, I was going to, I've no, no, I'm not all right. Let's get that clear. I'm tired. Uh, I'm not, I'm not covered me silently signaling on this audio podcast. You were Charlie Chaplin. Like he was doing weird stuff.

I was trying to get the timer going. We didn't have the visible, we used the timer to, you know, make sure we're hitting our marks in the record. I just wanted to make sure it was visible. What were we talking about? I already lost my train of thought. I think I asked you, are you okay? Yeah, but what was I trying to get into right before?

You were saying the tariffs were good? All right. You were saying you're not okay. Yeah. Chip on my shoulder. Chip on your shoulder, yeah. Oh, I was gonna say I'm not a messy eater. You're not a messy eater. I'm not a messy eater.

No, I'm a messier eater than you are. Yeah, you dropped, you spilled, you did, had multiple spills today. I got into the studio, I was here before anyone else, and I, you know, there's no one, who actually works at Head Gum is actually here. So like, it was just me, and then Chef Kevin's recording another podcast next door.

So I'm in the kitchen by myself and I filled a glass of water and then tried to sit down and immediately spill the entire glass. And then you drop. Like a full glass of water. You dropped your water bottle. And then I dropped, well not my water bottle, my Yeti coffee mug.

I dropped this on the floor and it made such a large, like such a loud noise that people asked me if I was okay. Amelia broke a doughboy's glass the other day too, I'm telling you. Yeah, that's true. I'm telling you on air. That's fine. That's true. It did happen. We're gonna sit her down, we're gonna have a big long conversation about it.

Yeah, we'll talk about it, we'll dock your pay, but it's no big deal. So, I, yeah. You know what? The roasts are done. Should we retire the roasts at the 10 year mark? They hurt my feelings. Maybe Mitch, maybe we'll get to a milestone. Maybe we'll retire the roasts. Maybe the era of roasts has passed.

There was a time when it was like, Should there be one last one in Boston? Maybe we should flip it. Mitch, you should start doing roast wager. No, I don't wanna do more work. You know what though? I mean, Amelia reads emails, so. That is true.

We just have to figure out how it flows because that's how I introduce you right now. I mean, if you wanna start introducing the show, but that's a lot more work for you. No, I don't wanna do that. So I am tired, I'm just gonna get that off. Yeah, you're tired. You know how I woke up today?

My goddaughter, yeah, Emmy. How old's your goddaughter? She's almost five. Okay, we may need to bleep her name. No, we don'tdaughter? She's almost five. Okay. We may need to bleep her name. No, we don't. I already, they said that's okay. Okay. Um, my goddaughter, Emmy walked in and then crawled up into my bed and they started asking me

questions this morning at about 7 45 AM. What kind of questions are we talking? Um, are you coming with us to Vegas? We're going to Joshua tree. We're going to have corn soup. She was kept talking about corn soup in Vegas. I don't to Joshua Tree. We're going to have corn soup. She kept talking about corn soup in Vegas. I don't know where she got this idea

about corn soup in Vegas. We're going to Vegas and we're going to have corn soup. She was talking about corn soup. She was up late too last night. She, I can't believe she was up so early. She's like, kids got energy, I guess. Time difference probably too. 7.45 is 10.45 AM to her.

No, she's west coast. They're from the Bay area, right? They're from the Bay area, yeah. Oh, okay, nevermind. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. But yeah, she was just asking me all sorts of questions and where's Wally and Irma, which- Wally and Irma are your cats.

Wally and Irma- Very close to where's Waldo. Wally and Irma, they kept them in my room and I had to keep them in my room. Like, I closed the door and kept them in my room and I had to keep them in my room. Like I closed the door and kept him in my room and Wally was just crying all night long. And this is one of the things I might cut just to give you a heads up.

But I have a big closet and I was like, can I put Wally in my closet? He sleeps in there all the time. I was like, can I just put him in my closet? Is this okay? I put him in my closet and I feel bad after one minute. But he goes quiet. And then I'm also like, is he okay?

I Google, is it bad to put your cat in a closet? A million people are like, that's cat abuse. So I was like, okay. So he sleeps in there, he's got a bed in there. He sleeps in there, it's a big enough, you make fun of my stairs. I got a huge closet too. People create dogs all the time.

So closets actually probably more space. I put the kitty litter in there. I got a huge closet too. People create dogs all the time. So that's true. Closets actually probably more space. I put the kitty litter in there. I put food in there. I was, there was, I was like, just cause I think if he doesn't see me and then it did work immediately, he stopped meowing, but I just felt bad. So I opened the door and then it just was chaos the rest of the night, basically. So I got very little sleep.

That's a bummer. And also, and I'm a single, I'm a, I'm a bachelor as they say, even though I don't like that term, I don't like that term, but That's a bummer. And also, I'm a bachelor as they say, even though I don't like that term. I don't like that term, but I'm a single man. And Emmy- Why don't you like the term bachelor? Does it sound like too horny? It makes me sound like I'm up to no good.

Yeah, it's it. Right, like you're a little lecherous. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you're on the prowl. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we can bachelor on the town. Ladies lock up your daughters. Yes.

That sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I got it. Yeah, lock up your daughters, put them in the closet, put some food in a litter box in there for them. But I don't deal with, look, a bachelor is just not, I'm not going out on the town. No, you're not that you're like, you're a man who lives alone, I guess is the way.

That's more, you're by yourself. Our guests reacted to that in a way where I feel like I shouldn't. You're flying solo. I'm flying solo. That's great. You're like Maverick. I'm like Maverick.

Look, that's a great thing because with Maverick, it definitely doesn't seem to be about, you know, like bringing ladies back. He seems very in his own world. No, he's focused on his work. Like Ethan Hunt, another Tom Cruise character. Like Ethan Hunt, yes, yes. They're focused on this.

I got the two, I got Wally and Erma, it's great. More like Ethan Hunt's? Save it for the last roast. You don't have to get rid of the roast. What else are we gonna do on the damn show? We might get rid of the roast. We can get rid of the roast. Hit him with the drop, I know where we're behind.

We're gonna introduce our guests. I just got him into toasts. Anyway, here's the drop Wow Got some joke about me toast or something Not anymore You don't right you don't great I couldn't think of the word quality 15 seconds of me huffing and puffing. Okay, you're gonna blow my house down About 15 seconds of me huffing and puffing. Okay, sorry you're gonna blow my house down.

Ah. This is very, it's very, is that from the piggies thing? I think that's a little older than that. Okay. Than the piggies thing, but I can't remember. I mean, also I would not be surprised. Rachel Billson just walked by. Hey, how about that?

You never know what's gonna happen. You already had to come. You wanna take that again? No. Yeah, it's funny. You see more and more famous, good looking people and less and less schlubby podcasters walking through the door here at Gum. Pretty soon our studio is going to be a closet.

Shove the doughboys in there. They're looking through the window. They're like, they're using the litter box already. Fuck, immediately. Um, okay. Winter, winter, uh, breath drop. Longtime listener, first time dropper. Here's a chilly drop for the winter season.

Zach. Okay. He gave his last name. Should I say it? Yeah. Or, uh, Zach's, uh, Zwetler. Okay. Anyways. They've not, should I say it? Yeah. Or Zach Zwetler. Okay. Anyways.

Not a very seasonal drop, I will say. No, but it works for a sake, because I am tired. It works for today. Yeah. Also, I just wanted to say this quickly. Yeah. Emmy is in my house and she's screaming last night.

Yeah. And I am like, oh great, like the man that everyone knows lives alone, there's just a child screaming, emanating from his house, which did not make me feel, you know, I was like, I want to go outside and be like, there's like, my friends are here. They're like, you know, whatever.

I'm like Maverick. I'm like Maverick, it's not- It's not anything weird. Mitch, we got to drop some birdfuckin' dot com. We got to introduce our guests, but you mentioned corn soup in Vegas. That's what Emmy is looking for. Don't our guests, but you mentioned corn soup in Vegas. That's what Emmy is looking for.

Don't even tell me that there is corn soup in Vegas. I looked it up. I was like, are there places known for sweet corn in Vegas? Joelle Roubouchon, which I think is like the most expensive restaurant in the city at the MGM Grand has a sweet corn bisque on its tasting menu. And then Estetario Moche, I butcher the

pronunciation I'm sure, but I've actually been to this restaurant and they have a corn soup as part of a seasonal course. But another option that came up, today's chain, which has several locations in Vegas. Wow. And it's known for its summer corn chowder. Emmy know I was going to, we're talking about

Panera, I would hope she never would know about the podcast. I'll never let her know. Uh... Uh... Wow. Mitch, very excited to have today's guest in our main feed. From Abbott Elementary and My Divorce Party,

Kimia Bipornia. Hi, Kimia. Thanks so much for being here. Hey, thank you so much. Kimia, thank you for coming back. What a treat. We had you in the Patreon feed last year. We joined you for... You joined us for the Doughboys Double. We did Mank 2 Pink discussing Alexander Payne's Nebraska,

a film you'd never seen, but you enjoyed. Yeah, and I don't think I've seen a Alexander Payne movie since you made me watch one for this podcast. So that's me. You were so funny on the doubles. You gotta have you on a main feed episode. Of course. There's a lot of people coming for the doubles.

Ooh, they stink. They're not allowed on the main feed ever. Well, don't set it up like the Patreon episode is an audition for the main feed. Oops. You graduated to the- That's not what's happening. That's not what it is.

I know, we're lucky to have you here is the truth. No, you started it correct. I'm lucky to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're very happy to have you back. Always happy to have you. And as we're, you know, we're in the midst right now of Mank 3, which is our sequel to Pank,

Mission Impossible, where we are discussing the Mission Impossible films. Are you a fan of the Mission Impossible franchise? Yes. Now this is good. Okay, great. Now I love those movies. We, I mean, honestly, this isn't funny. If we had known this, we would have had you information in Potable.

Shoot, shoot. That's OK. You couldn't have known. You thought I loved Nebraska. That's what I was giving to you. What is it? Where do you rank the Mission Impossible franchise? Like, do you have a favorite in the series?

No, they all blend together for me. I did watch them in succession, like a couple years ago. Not even when they came out. I just took a couple weeks to just plow through all of them at once. What's the one where he starts just like rock climbing? Like free soloing? That one, that's great.

A lot of fun. That's all I think of mostly. It's like, yeah, I mean, I know the films pretty well, but it is a thing of, I think of set pieces more than like an actual, like a full intro. Yeah, I couldn't tell you the plots or what he's looking for ever, but I remember he's rock climbing,

he like propels into the, you know, no, no, no, no, no, that's not the song. You guys know what I'm talking about. It's the, well, and two has the Limp Bizkit song. That's true. Now I know why you wanna hate me no, no, no, no. That's not the song. You guys know what I'm talking about. Well, and Choo has the Limp Bizkit song. That's true. Now I know why you wanna hate me. That one.

Right, cool. Cause hate's the only thing I've ever seen lately. Nice. Bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling. It does play the Mission Possible riff, but kind of cool. I guess, who's the guy, is the guitarist Wes Borland for the, for Limp Bizkit? I don't know the Limp Bizkit's personnel at all.

I think he might be one of those guys. Like the band Limp Bizkit is not well respected, I would say, right? Sure, yeah, yeah. I think that they're like that new, was are they? They had a couple of guitarists, but Wes Borland was one of them. Rob Waters, Terry Belosbo, and Mike Smith.

Wow. I think he might, I think Wes Borland might be one of those guys. It's like the band, but like he's known as a good guitarist. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know. But that- It's fine. The Mission Impossible theme rocking out is kind of fun. That's cool. That is fun.

That's cool. It's fun. It is fun. That franchise elevates everything that touches it. I think that's part of it. I love that. Yeah, I like that a lot. Yeah. It's true. If you guys ever do James Bond, you call me, okay?

Wow. Wait, let's talk James Bond because I don't know James Bond very well. Oh my God, me and my dad would just watch all the James Bonds. All of them. That's like how I bond with my dad. I have a, hey, bond bonding is great. Bond with Bond. Yeah, you got it.

My, I would, I would, I would watch it. You got your own podcast. I should. Get my dad on a podcast. I was going to say this, we don't need a month to talk about our James Bond movie. We can come in here and do a 007 day. Why not?

Mm, double 007. We can have martinis. That's good. Oh, that's great. We can have martinis and talk about a Bond movie. Wow. That's perfect. Nice 11 a.m. martini, that's great. Why not? Why not? And we will do a late record that day.

Wait, what is- Is your concern that it's too late in the day for you? 11's too late for your martinis, yeah. What is your- Third of the day. Where do you rank the, like, like I asked you rankings for the Mission Impossible's, let's talk bonds, like do you have favorites in that series? Well, I think that it's a personal decision

who your favorite bond is. For me it was Timothy Dalton, cause that's where I, like, that just lives with the movies I watched as a kid. There you go, that's what it is. So my bond was Pierce Brosnan when I was a kid. So like, that's just gonna be my favorite guy. What was your gateway Bond,

like what was your gateway movie for Bond? It was probably Tomorrow Never Dies. Wow, I love this. It was maybe the first one I watched. And then it's kind of a bummer, because if you go back to the early Sean Connery Bonds, they're so much campier than the ones we see now. It really went from camp to just like

Mission Impossible style action movies. And also it was kind of very racist, sexist in the camp days. But I forgive it because it was fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And Wiggs, you and I forgive it too. No, not 100%. I loved some of those early kind of, my mom loves Sean Connery. He's my second favorite Bond, yeah. Every time she was like, he was so handsome, she always brings up Connery.

She's always sweating over Sean Connery. There's always the actor that your mom, like, likes a little bit too much. My mom's Robert Redford. We've had this text convo before. There's the horny mom actor that the moms are like, ooh. They do that like, oh. They fan themselves.

I'm trying to think if my mom has one of these. I can't think of my mom's horny actor. We're at the point now where some of these stars that we knew in their prime are now aging into that demographic, where it'll be like a mom, but she'll be like, oh, Russell Crowe, or like, oh, Denzel Washington. And like, little of these guys are, you know what?

They were like prime hunks at a time, but now they're maybe a little bit older. I watched a prime hunk, actually, I mean, 1975, I don't know how old he was, probably 30 years old or something, right? Or no, maybe a little older than that, but the man who would be king, my mom was like, I wanna watch the man who would be king. We watched it together, John Huston movie.

And he looked pretty damn good. Mom and son had a little, we were both... Woo, that's nice. When you can both agree on the horny anchor, that's good. Mom and son had a little, we were both. Woo, that's nice when you can both agree on the corny anchor, that's good. Houston, we don't have a problem. She's a, yeah, moms will get a little, you know, whatever. An Apollo 13 reference, I believe. Was that what that is? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Houston, we have a problem. Don't, that's it, look, I'm gonna say this, I like that you brought it reference, I believe. Was that what that is? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Houston, we have a problem. Look, I'm gonna say this.

I like that you brought it back. I like that you referenced it, Houston, we don't have a problem. Because it was a thing when we were younger. I feel like I heard that phrase a lot. You heard it a lot. All the time. Well, because it was in the movie,

but it was also a real thing that I believe was said to Mission Control. And there'd be a funny kid on the play yard, like, Houston, we have a problem. Oh, we were saying that all the time. Yeah, that can be pretty funny. in the play yard, like, who said we have a problem? Oh, we were saying that all the time. That'd be pretty funny. Yeah, for sure. Well, there's the Jim Carrey kid,

and then there's the Apollo 13 kid, you know? Were you either of those or no? Uh, well, I told you, I've told you before that I knew a kid who became a Tim the Toolman, switched schools, and then became a Tim the Toolman Taylor kid, and had, like, everyone was just like, this kid is crushing. Like, he's so popular in his new school. Everyone loves his toolman. His name is funny. What is it? Matt the Toolman tailor kid and had like, everyone's just like, this kid is crushing.

Like he's so popular in his new school. Everyone loves his tool man. His name is funny, what is it? Matt the Toolman. Yes. He's just going around doing like, ooh, all the time and everyone loved it. Wow, it was so easy to be a kid back then.

I know. This new school, cause weren't you guys just like, Matt's like whatever. Yeah, he's like, yeah, he's whatever, he's fine. Yeah, that's a new school. And then he gets his new school, he's like super popular cause he just figures something out. He's made a strong choice, that's like, yeah, whatever, he's fine. Yeah. And then he goes to new school, he's like super popular, cause he just figured something out. He's made a strong choice, that's all it takes.

The Austin Powers. Yeah, Austin Powers game was a big one. There it is. Austin Powers was, I remember playing baseball. I played international league baseball, no big deal. Very cool. I hit the game winning double, no big deal. Whoa.

That is a big deal, I'd say that's a big deal. I played till I was like 16, it was my best sport. I should have continued baseball. You must have been a power hitter. Oh yeah, baby. Cause I've seen you at the, we've been to the bowling alley together and I nicknamed you pure power

cause you're just throwing strikes. I get made fun of for how unathletic I am in Quincy. So I can't imagine what would happen if you were there. I was like baseball was my good sport. And then me, Mike and Sunwoo went to the batting cage as drunk one night at a Boston bowl. And I did not hit a single pitch. It was like one of these things where it was like,

you'll be the guy who didn't, and I was just like, like out of breath, swinging at balls, and I didn't hit. It's harder as you get older. Batting cages... Well, you always said you were drunk, so that's probably... That's also true. That might be it. Yeah, you know what, I think Camille may be figured out.

You know what, I think I figured it out. You figure it out. Batting cages are hard. You ever been to the batting cages? Yes, I tried playing softball for one season and we did as a team go to the batting cages. The ones at Castle Park. Okay. Oh man.

I don't think I hit one. Yeah, it's tricky. They can be not easy. I don't know what I'm doing. Yeah. I would like to go back to the batting cage, it's fun. I'm trying to be a golfer, I've told you this and I haven't done, I haven't made any steps to become one.

You should play the persona games or you should play the Yakuza games because they got batting cages in both of those. I don't know if that and I haven't done, I haven't made any steps to become one. You should play the persona games or you should play the Yakuza games because they got batting cages in both of those. I don't know if it's gonna help me at all. It's fun though. I had a game winning double wise, but also I didn't like the high school coach so I didn't play it, but all the kids on that team,

and I played up till I was like 15 or 16, I guess maybe when Austin Powers 2 came out, maybe. But they all were quoting Austin Powers. Right, so this is the era, some of it, we're progressing from, yeah, baby, yeah, to get in my belly. To get in my belly, yes. And now I'm almost like, that brings back

like a visceral memory of like, oh, like they were saying, get in my belly. So definitely Austin Powers 2, the spy who shagged me. But I, for that reason, I like didn't like Austin Powers 2, the spy who shagged me. But for that reason, I didn't like Austin Powers as much then. And then when I saw Austin, I think I didn't even see it until it was out of theaters or something. And now when I watch Austin Powers 2, I'm like, it's so good. It was just rude. The little dweebs were quoting it, and they're not as funny as, they're not as funny as Austin.

Totally. It's, you know, it's like the, the apex of successes in comedy is you make something so ubiquitous that it's quoted so often that it stops being funny. You know, something like Borat or Anchorman or Austin Powers. It's just like, it becomes such a big thing

that it becomes annoying. But, but like- For us, is it wow? It's not- And wow was so funny when we were saying it. Yeah. For us, it's nothing. Yeah.

There's the, you know, Doughboys isn't like that. Have we ever done whatever? No. What's our legacy? Nothing. Hey, don't get so sad. Yeah, don't worry about it. It's okay.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You just keep going. Just keep going. Yeah, don't worry about it. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You just keep going. Just keep going. Yeah, just keep making, just doing what you're doing. Just keep doing what you're doing. You're too young to be thinking about legacy.

No? You've got your whole life ahead of you. Oh, I don't know. Okay. Maybe it's just the fact that I saw a child. Maybe I'm gonna make a child this year. You're gonna make one this year? Yeah, I think I might make one this year.

Okay. We'll see what happens. Okay. Oh, I have another story. I feel like you're talking about making a child. What? I was thinking about it and I was like, that's technically what you do.

Yeah, I guess so. You make it, you make a child. It's not that awful, but no one says it like that, so that's why. Yes. Sounds kind of clinical. Yeah. Yeah. The main ingredient is love.

Mm, wow. Oh my clinical. Yeah. The main ingredient is love. Mm, wow. Oh my god. I know. I'm gonna get fuck. Oh my god. Look, I'm a little loopy today. We all know that, so just please excuse everything I say from here on out.

That's right. I went to the Dodgers game yesterday. I'm gonna change subjects. How fun is that? Oh, wait. We can't change subjects. What? We got to talk about James Bond a little bit.

Yeah, we didn't close things up on James Bond. So you're talking about Pierce Brosnan is your way in. Tomorrow Never Dies your first movie. That was it. What are some of your favorites in the whole franchise? What did I just watch? I just watched one a couple months ago. It's the one where there's the two slinky gymnastics

ladies that hang on the lampposts and do the splits, I just watched one a couple months ago. It's the one where there's the two slinky gymnastics ladies that like hang on the lampposts and do the splits and they have terrible names, terrible sexist names. Is that, is this a Connery one? Yes, it's a Connery one. Okay, so I haven't seen this one. I'm not gonna remember it. I might. From Russia with Love.

No, it's probably, it was probably like- Should we guess bad Bond names? Oh, you're making up ones or? Well, there is one that is Pussy Galore. Oh yeah. That's a real one. Well, cause the Austin Powers movies are just parodying the James Bond movies.

Yeah, you know. Oh wait, or is that from Austin Powers? No, Austin Powers is a lot of vagina. Oh, a lot of vagina. Yes, Pussy Galore is from James Bond. Yeah. And then later Dixie Norma's. Oh right.

They really did it. They really went for it. And they were doing it like earnestly, which is awesome. And that's what I want back. Like we're not giving that to these new Bond movies. No. Everyone's got a regular person name.

Yeah. Come on. Who is the Bond girl in Tomorrow Never Dies? Isn't it Halle Berry? Ooh. It is. I think. Okay, there it is.

Give me a more. This is a new thing I've been doing and it's not going over well. Your own sound effects? My own sound effects. I like it. She's very, oh, very, and she's, it's the short hair, right?

She has the short bob. It's her walking out of the ocean. It's that and her like, Yeah, I think I recall that scene, vibes. I know. And that itself was a reference to an earlier Bond film, right? OK, so here are all the Sean Connery Bond films

in release order. Dr. No from Russia with Love. It was Dr. No. It was Dr. No. So that was the first Connery Bond. Wow. What year is this? 1962.

Wow, 13 years from The Man who would be king, 1975. And we talked about Houston had a, we have a problem. Man was yet to walk on the moon at that point. Oh my God! In fact, almost all of Sean Connery's James Bond canon was pre-moon landing. It wasn't until he returned for Diamonds Are Forever after George Lazenby's failed Bond. Isn't there a moon bond? Isn't there a-

There's one where he goes to moon. The moon. Goes to moon. He goes to moon. He goes to moon in one. There's one where he goes to moon. Is it called moon? Moon Raker. Moon Raker.

Moon Raker. There it is. I was still thinking moon raker. Is that a Roger Moore bond? I think moon raker might've been Moore. Yeah. You know what I think about Roger Moore? What about that? Give me Moore, I like him.

I thought you were gonna say that. Yeah. Moon Raker in 1979 and it was a Roger Moore. Yeah. You know what I think about Roger Moore? What about that? Give me more, I like him. I thought you were gonna say that. Yeah. Moonraker, 1979 and it was Roger Moore. Yeah. Wow. Did I say what I think about Roger Moore? Yeah, you did. Yeah, you did.

Wanna say it one more time? Yeah, give me more. I like him. All right. You know what? If Jemmy and I just fall asleep on this chair here, is that better for the episode? You're doing great.

You're thriving. I started off... It's funny, speaking of Mission Impossible, when I saw GoldenEye in theaters, oh, my God, life-changing. GoldenEye, that's my... And honestly, was doing... Maybe, like, it kind of stopped the silly bond, right?

Is GoldenEye is kind of like the... Right around, they came out the same year, didn't they? Mission Impossible and Golden Eye. Did they come out? Really? Is that one of those things? I think it might be 1996 too early. I made the same mistake the other day. 1996?

I guess, let me just look that up. That would be cool if true. But, you know, like, I'm invincible, and he gets frozen. Yeah, I mean, it had comedic elements in it, but it wasn't, like, goofy. But sure. I mean, I'm just saying, this is why I loved it.

There was, like, so much stuff, and I love it. And then, Mission Impossible, I saw it, and, like, as a kid, I was like, this is more confusing, and, like, what's happening? Right. And I'm a dumb kid. You had to think harder, yeah. I had to think harder, but, like, I think,

for a kid, I think it is a little bit more, like, a kind of confusing movie. And there's betrayals and whatever, and Anoclist or whatever. And I left being like, I love, like, GoldenEye is one of my favorite movies. Rewatching them, Mission Impossible holds up so well, and GoldenEye feels very much like a 90s movie. Oh, I believe it. Yeah, especially with the bungee jumping and such.

But I don't know. I mean, it was of its time, but as was the Nintendo 64 game. Yes. Were you ever into the game? I did. I played the game. I was so, so bad at it. But I played it with all of my friends.

You've done Slappers only? Yes. Oh, yeah. That's good. We're going to do a Doughboy's episode like that. It Yes. Oh yeah, that's good. We're gonna do a Doughboy's episode like that. It's kind of the, oh good. Just you two slapping each other.

Slappers Only is going back and forth. All these sound effects for it if you want. Mitch, you were? I was actually pretty damn good at Bond. Not sure I ring my own bell. At Goldeneye? Yeah. See, I never really got into it.

I never really got into Goldeneye because it was just like, even though I had a Nintendo 64, I was just so used to PC first-person shooters of the era, and so it was just like playing it with a controller felt very klutzy. So I just never really had a reason to do it when I was playing Half-Life.

You were chasing that ultimate first person shooting experience. Yeah. A GoldenEye, Mitch, this is how spoiled we were at the multiplexes back in the 90s, released in November of 1995. Mission Impossible did not release that same year, but released in May of 96.

So they were pretty close. Okay. Within six months. Within 365 days of each other. Not bad. For a kid, that's same year. Same year. Pretty good.

Same school year, basically. Totally. So GoldenEye before Mission Impossible, 1995. Yeah, is that weird? Yeah. But also, like, cause you were saying, like, Same score year, basically. Totally. So, GoldenEye before Mission Impossible, 1995. Yeah, isn't that weird? Yeah. But also, like, because you were saying, like, I do agree with you, like, when I think of Bond movies,

I'm like, oh, they kind of did the Mission Impossible thing, and you're like, well, I guess GoldenEye kind of did do that Mission Impossible thing first. Yeah. But I have, look, if we were to review one GoldenEye, I mean, one Bond movie, and we don't have to just review one, but what would be, what is your choice? Tomorrow Never Dies?

Or, or... Probably, I mean, that's my first one, but no, I'd pick one of the Sean Connery ones. They're just too fun and silly. I love it. Diamonds Are Forever's a great one. That's great. What's the one, what, um... The one where the villain covers ladies in paint?

Is that Goldfinger? Yeah, it's Goldfinger. Inspired Goldmember. Yes, yes, yes. And so, like, I, me not knowing that James Bond canon The one where the villain covers ladies in paint. Is that Goldfinger? Yeah, it's Goldfinger. Yeah, both inspired Goldmember. Yes, yes, yes. And so, me not knowing that James Bond canon as much, and there's also, in like Flint is another, I guess, British spy movie that inspired

a lot of the Austin Powers, but I didn't really, a lot of these, I'm watching these, I didn't know a lot of these things were references. I just knew Dr. Evil as Dr. Evil, I didn't know that was referencing. Dr. Now? Yeah. Evil. I didn't know that was referencing. Dr. No? Yeah, exactly, yeah. So, I don't know.

It's the Ouroboros of Influence is fascinating how you'll absorb something that's inspired by something else, but not know what inspired it. Totally. Well, they had a odd job who threw a hat. Yes, yes. And then a random task threw a shoe. A shoe threw a shoe. And, yes. And then a- No, and then random task through a shoe. A shoe, through a shoe.

Yes. And then who was it, who's Jaws? He had the teeth, right? Oh yeah, it was Jaws. I don't remember what the joke on Jaws was. Yeah, I don't even know. And there's sharks that have laser beams, but there was like a shark tank.

There was, Dr. No had some like vicious sharks or something. These are all just straight from the campy James Bonds. I love it. It's great. So good. I know it's sad that that fun, the fun stuff. I know. Stuff got very like dark and like gritty.

And it's just like, I think there's a time, I think we could maybe have like, you know, our buddy Jack Allison was talking about like, the Joker should just steal a diamond. You know what I mean? Like, like why don't we just have like a, like a, like a, like, hey, the Joker's gonna steal a diamond and he's gonna hit you in the face with a pie. You know what I mean? Like why don't we just have like a, like a, like a, like a, like, hey, the Joker's gonna steal a diamond and he's gonna hit you in the face with a pie.

You know what I mean? Like why can't we just have some goofy stuff in a superhero movie? I love it. That sounds awesome to me. It doesn't even have to be the crown jewels. It can be just a typical diamond. Yeah, exactly.

That's great. I love that. Where does the day stand on, on movies that deal in espionage and intrigue? Love that. You do, really? Like what are, what are some of your faves? Awesome Powers.

Amazing. I like anything that's a little bit of a thriller, like a little, that makes you think and you're trying to figure it out as you go and keeps you on the edge of your seat. The Oceans movies. Oh yeah, those are fun. The Oceans movies are fun.

I've really been enjoying The Mission Impossible lately. Yeah, those are really fun. Just kinda glued into those. So really anything that makes you go, oh my God, oh my God, the whole time. I'm like, here for it. And a good villain is good. Yes.

You need good villains in that. That's where the Bond movies have good freaky villains. Yes, for sure. Mm-hmm. I'm waiting for a lady villain. I'm waiting. Whoa. I've got a list.

No? OK, think about this. What if it was like, Sandra Oh is some freaky lady villain in the new Bond? I like it. I like that. Are they afraid that eventually they have to kill Sandra Oh? But who cares?

That's fine. Viola Davis. Imagine Viola Davis is some angry, like, I don't know, give her gold teeth and something. Give Sandra Oh gold teeth. Give any of them gold teeth. And make them a Bond villain. Yeah.

Yeah, like Jaws. They can bite something. I don't know. Just let them gold teeth. I think this is fun. And make them a Bond villain. Yeah. They can, like, yeah. Like, jaws. They can bite something. I don't know. You just let them go crazy. Why don't we let Rami Malek do whatever in that last one? Didn't love that. It was fine.

It's, like, fine. Yeah. But yeah. The last one was a little wonky. I did not like the latest Bond. Yeah. You could do complicated. Yeah.

And it's like, I'm not. It doesn't matter. I'm not going to do it. I'm going to go with the Spectre stuff. Like, what the hell's going on here? I know, Bond's got a kid, boo. I don't know, get out of here. I got an audition for the new Bond. Oh really? Yeah.

What's the role? Bond. You're gonna be James Bond? I'm reading for Bond. You're reading for James Bond, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be an interesting choice. You messing with me?

You messing with me? No, no, no, no, no, no, this is real. Don't mess with me. Do you want me to tell you the first line of the audition? Yeah, uh, no. You messing with me? No, no, no, no, no, no, this is real. Don't mess with me. Do you want me to tell you the first line of the audition? Yeah, sure. Bond, James Bond. Okay, he's messing with me.

He got me, he got me good. Look, I'll honestly believe that, because I've been so pumped. I will tell you this, I will never get called in to read for the role of James Bond. You never know what if somebody's being cool and fun and making like a fun, good version of Bond, something surprising.

Wow. This is the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. I would love to see that. I'd love to see that. Mitch has Bond. You could. You could take down evil Sandra Oh with her own teeth. Wait a minute now.

I should just write a Bond. Yeah, you should do it. Hold on a second. Mitch is my Bond, and then Sandra Oh's villain. There's women villains, and then I come in, and I'm like, brrr, just fucking killing. I don't know. No, no, you can outsmart them without killing them.

Don't worry, I'll write the script. It'll be fine. It's weirdly the perfect time for James Bond to be a big fat idiot who hates women. It's like, it would be a sensation. You're so right, I could greenlit so fast. Why a big fat idiot? What made me turn Bond into a big fat idiot, I wonder.

The roasts continue, I guess. Did it never cross over for, you know, you love Mission Impossible. No, yeah. I love them. They're great. Wow. That genre's always good.

Just like an action-y thriller. I love, this is a thing. And you know, when I was a kid, there was a TV show, The A-Team, that I watched, and like the thing they'd say in that show was I love it when a plan comes together, because so much of that show was like, we're gonna figure out what we're gonna do, and then we're gonna watch them do it.

Yes. And, like I love shit like that, because that's what the old Mission Impossible TV show was too, it was just like, hey, we're gonna put together, the pace was absolutely leisurely by today's standards, but like, we're gonna put a caper together, hey, we're gonna put together a, the pace was absolutely leisurely by today's standards, but like, we're gonna put a caper together and then we're gonna see them pull off the caper. And again, that's what's so satisfying

about the Ocean's movies, at least the first one. There's a group, and did I tell you that in Quincy that the groups are broken down to A team and B team and I'm on the B team, did I tell you that? I got, all of this lore got explained to me by LD when I was in Quincy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

LD is probably A team. She hangs with a B team or so. Yeah, she's like kind of like a day walker, I guess. She kind of works in both worlds. She explained to me that there is a weird hierarchy among. So Mitch is from Quinzee, Massachusetts. He has a bunch of friends with names like Micus and Chankton and LD and Ramondi.

Frailbot. Frailbot, Wu-T Tang, Chewie, Shield Z. Who am I missing? You got a lot of them. Scoop, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's awesome. Do poofs. Those are the college friends.

Those are college friends, Buxton. They're all there. And so, but I was talking to, LD was explaining to me that within this group, there is like a striation, there is a hierarchy and Mitch is in the lower tier. Yeah. Oh my God, I thought you were talking about sports. Your friend group is split into JV and varsity.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God. And I'm on the B team. That sucks. You would think that, Chef Kevin went by, you would think that a Hollywood, I mean Hollywood, I've been in a couple TV shows and a movie or two You think it would get me into the fucking a team?

It should like graduate to the a team like can you move up over time? Are you a team is discussed bringing me up as an honorary member, but I don't know What do you have to do to get brought up? Probably become bond honestly. Oh my god. You're so close that dumb bomb. My script is halfway halfway done Don't worry. you're so close. Fat dumb bomb. My script is halfway done. Don't worry, you're so close. Ha ha ha ha. Emma, you should see Black Bag, which is Soderbergh. Oh, Black Bag was great.

What a hoot. Yeah. Soderbergh, who did the Ocean's movie, Soderbergh, who is a prolific, makes a bunch of movies. I love the guy. And we were just saying this. Look, I get mad at Hollywood almost every, and I was talking about Chankton about Hollywood stuff,

and I was just getting mad again. Yeah. But that idea of like, hey, instead of making like a $200 million movie and trying to make a franchise, why don't you make 20 $10 million movies? Please. Or 10 $20 million movies.

Please. Or anything like that. It's like so many studios now just like gamble on a big franchise thing. Movies don't get made. Movies don't even get made here anymore. Netflix is evil. It gets really annoying.

And I will say that a similar thing has been discussed with video games. We don't need to get into video games too deep, but like there've been some so-called double A games, some games that are kind of like mid budget to lower budget games that have come out this year that have been really well received, like Avowed and most recently, Claire Obscure,

where it's the same sort of principle. It's like, yeah, we don't need you to spend nine figures making a new Assassin's Creed. You know what I mean? Like, we don't care about, like, having this granular level of detail in the character models. We don't need to see, like, veins on a character's face. Spend a little bit, spend, like, a tenth as much money and just make a bunch of different types of games.

Thanks for translating it for our fucking nerd ass viewers who didn't get my version of it. But you're right, Mitch. But it happens, it does happen in games. It happens in games, it happens in movies. And then they try to recreate it. And they try, with games, and then they, like you're saying, like, hey, this indie game that was a success,

now they're making like a $300 million game or whatever. Yeah, needlessly. But you're right about movies. And I would say I'm fairly encouraged about it. Kimmy, I'm curious your opinion. But I'm fairly encouraged about movies in 2025 so far. The Soderbergs were fun. It's been a decent year for me.

Sinners was great. I just saw it yesterday. Great. Lovely. I'm going to see it this week. I've not seen it yet. I'm very excited to see it. It was just fun.

It was fun. Just fun. Just fun. And it's an original idea that's for grownups. And it's like, that's all we want. Huge thumbs up from me there. Yeah. I like it.

You know what it's about? Or no, nothing? Vampires. Vampires. That's all I was going to say. Come on. It's so easy. That's all we want to see.

I mean, it's that crazy. And it's also like, that movie was hard for him to make, I'm sure, which is insane or whatever. For sure. Yeah. But Netflix is in or whatever. For sure. Yeah. But Netflix is in New Mexico, they're not even here, no one makes movies here anymore, it's a mess.

And we could have those good things again. And we could have 20, $10 million movies instead of one attempt to make some new fucking Harry Potter or some stupid shit like that. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Who gives a shit? Anyways, sorry. No, I like it. I like the winter righteous. That rent was worth it.

Yeah, that was great. Well, also it's that sort of thing of like, it's easier to speak out on it because I'm like, oh, I'm afraid to get work. And it's like, no one gets fucking work, so who gives a shit? And also like the work sucks. So like, what the fuck? Who cares?

It's just interesting that everyone is craving some more original ideas that aren't big budgets, right? So then why is nobody listening to what generally everybody wants? Didn't nobody go see the Snow White movie? No one's going to those anyway, this is a bad example, but like they made that movie twice for too much money and nobody went to see it and they're trying to blame it on,

what's her name, politics. Yes, yes. But it's just cause we wanna see- Rachel Ziegler's the actor. Yes, yes. It's cause we wanna see a two hour vampire movie with blues music instead. Yeah, exactly.

That's kinda it. Yeah. Yeah. We don't have to remake the movies again. Lion King is one of the best animated films in my life. I mean, look, I don't think it's, it's great. I'm not even trying to tell, why am I down? Why am I lying?

You can die on the sale, it's your favorite movie. Lion King's my favorite movie. The animated Lion King, why do I have to see it with CGI versions? It's the worst version of it. I don't need to see that. Yeah, there's no reason for it. There's no reason for it.

It's a cash grab, it sucks. A want to see that. Yeah, there's no reason for it. There's no reason for it. Nope. It's a cash grab, it sucks. A live action version that's also animated. It's so weird. Yeah, I feel like I'm more likely to not go because I don't want the original ruined. Yeah. It's so precious in my mind, I won't go see that.

Here's something. I think I have narrowed it down that, I think it's like these executives are fucking morons. I think you got it. And they're fucking idiots. They might be huge dipshits, so it might be part of the problem. They have trouble.

They're good, especially the ones who hire me are very smart. Sure, I will say they're probably scared, right? They're like, this thing that already worked, we'll remake it cause it works, right? And it's like, I just wish they'd be less scared. Part of what's broken about the industry is if you're in that line of work,

if you're on that side of production, your number one priority is job preservation. And so if you take a risk and it doesn't pay off, it's just like, you're just fucked. Versus if you do something safe and it doesn't pay off, you can point at things like, well, the marketplace. You can point at something like, at least I didn't make the mistake of taking a risk on my end.

Right. It incentivizes what we're seeing now, which is just an unending run of MCU movies and such. Which is also, I mean, that's like so much as streaming is like we throw spaghetti at the wall and we pay people shit like poorly. And then when there's one hit, we take credit for that hit and everything that doesn't work.

We don't really have to take the fall for it. But then we're so fucking dumb. I'm speaking as an executive here, like we're so fucking dumb that we don't realize- You're like Ted Sarandos right now. Okay, great, got it. Yeah, we don't realize that what we did, like the reason that it necessarily connected

is because it felt new or because there was a creative vision behind it. We're just like, oh, it's exactly that. So what I fear with something like Sinners Succeeding is not like people saying, the correct takeaway is like, oh, we need to give talented people the leeway to make their own original ideas. Instead, they're going to be like, OK, we need 10 more vampire movies.

I know. They always have the wrong takeaway. You know what? Last time we did this, I've said some Nephilim stuff. We put it behind the paywall. But I just want to say this. eat shit, Ted Sarandos. He fucking, and I'm not fucking editing this out. He put this thing about how he was like,

the future is like no more movie theaters. Yeah, he's very anti-movie theater, it's a bummer. And I'm like, fuck you, you dumb fucking idiot. First of all, you don't even make movies in Hollywood. You're not in Hollywood, you're in New Mexico, you piece of shit, you're not in Hollywood. You took not in Hollywood. You're in New Mexico, you piece of shit. You're not in Hollywood. You took the industry away. You, thousands upon thousands of people

have lost their jobs. The working class in Hollywood is fucking gone. And it's people like you's fault, so fuck you. Got it. Can I also just say, I don't like how you look. Yeah, you look like shit. I don't know what he looks like. You big red-headed bald fuck.

Oh, really? He's not bald, but still. Red-headed and bald? Red-headed fucking bald fuck. And actually, you know what? That's unfair to bald people. You piece of shit. Bald people are beautiful. You're a piece of shit.

You look like shit. Yeah, bald is beautiful. Eat shit. Anyways. Throw me a picture of him now, please. After I'm done with what Mitch said. I'm looking for a Ted Sarandos. Okay.

I got a Netflix audition. He kind of looks like. I don't trust you anymore. He kind of looks like a Ted Cruz before picture. Oh. Yeah. Oh, that is exactly it. That is a Ted Cruz before.

You look like a little slimy Ted Cruz. Fuck, I'll never work on a Netflix show again, which is fine. No, you will, because he's never going to listen to this. He is. He's listening. No, there's no way. He doesn't know what shows are on Netflix.

That little beta. Yeah, exactly. Do you think he does? I don't think he does. That little beta incel is definitely listening to our show. Um... I don't like when the doughboys make fun of me. Shut up.

Uh, the future is still, because you know what? For, not just for, it wasn't just the fucking 1940s or whatever people go into movie theaters. It wasn't the invention of AC. Everyone has the theater going experience and watching some performance. Maybe it was, you know, it was people on stage, but that's existed for hundreds of thousands of years.

Since the era of the Coliseum, crowds were gathering to watch spectacle and mass. It's a communal experience. Yeah, they were giving thumbs ups and thumbs down or more accurately, they were giving a thumbs up and then covering their thumb to indicate if a gladiator should be felled. But yes, this was happening forever.

Romulus was giving, from Romulus to Ebert. Ah, from Romulus to Ebert, thumbs were being given up or down. That's correct. That's good, guys. Look, this is real. And also, I was just thinking about Happy Gilmore, and I love- I referenced that.

Do you know what? The reason I brought it, it's funny that you say that, because I mentioned the pedantic thumb covering thing, because that was a reason that Roger Ebert gave like two stars to Gladiator in his review. Because it was not historically accurate? Yeah, yeah. Oh, good.

Oh my God, Ebert, you do it. It's fine, whatever. What a wiener. Just like RIP, I love Ebert. Yeah, he's good. I mean, you love him. You love him. Plot your nerdiness.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And then you said Ebert. How about that? Wow. Yeah. Life as a Herald.

Life sucks. I was just, I was, I love the Sandman. I do love the Sandman. I shouldn't go into my, I shouldn't go into my other thing which is I won't go into it. Okay. I'm just gonna say this. You said before, can I just say this? And Kimmy was here for this.

You said before we started recording, like I may say some stuff that needs to be edited out. You came in a little bit round up. You know what's crazy? It's not even this. I wasn't even thinking of any of this. Okay. My thing was about Wally in the closet.

I was afraid people would get mad at that and a story I haven't told yet. But I, but I, but I, but- Sarandos does get mad at you putting Wally in the closet. Ha ha ha ha ha. But not about all the stuff he said. No, no, the other stuff he's fine. This stuff is, I was not, and look, I love the Sandman.

I love him very much. And he took a deal with Netflix or whatever, and I get it. Just the idea of going to see Happy Gilmore when I was a kid, seeing that with a group of people in the theaters, what a blast, Wags. Such a great time. It's not gonna be in theaters. Happy Gilmore 2 is streaming on Netflix. Well, this was the same thing with the Beverly Hills Cop

movie and what was that? There was another one of those. Oh, the Coming to America, which I actually kind of liked, but like that, like being, you know, only on streaming. Is it even a blip in your mind? I'm like, it's like, it's like a nothing. It's there's no. There's nothing there. And then you get some sort of statistic,

like it's like, you know, like 12 million hours streamed. It's like, what the fuck does that mean? I don't have any context for that. It means it's bullshit. It doesn't mean anything. It also just means like you're trying to not pay people for the time that they, how much people watched it. Yeah.

Ugh, God, it gets me fucking pissed off. And we're lucky we have stupid podcast bullshit to do. We're lucky that we do that. Anyway, I... It's important to get mad, because he's essentially taking community away if you're taking movie theaters away. Wow, well said. I feel so silly.

Hell yes. What am I gonna watch an Adam Sandler movie in my house alone and then laugh at the jokes? No, I feel honestly silly doing that. You wanna do it with friends. Yes, it's easier to laugh when there's a bunch of people in a theater and he like pulls his pants down or whatever and you go ha ha ha ha.

I'm like, OK, I don't feel silly. Yes! I feel weird laughing at that in my house. What am I doing? I mean, like, you could maybe invite friends over, but this guy, I mean, like, you didn't like GoldenEye. You didn't even have friends coming over for GoldenEye, so you're not going to have friends.

What are you talking about? It seems like you didn't like, it seems like GoldenEye didn't work for you because you didn't have friends coming over to play. Because, so you're not gonna have friends. What are you talking about? It seems like you didn't like, it seems like GoldenEye didn't work for you because you didn't have friends coming over to play. Because I didn't have friends? It was a four player game. I was a four player, I was playing four person split. Oh, okay, sure.

Nate, Mom, Dad, will you play with me? It wasn't me, my parents and my older brother. Damn, it sounds like a buzz. I was begging them to play Nintendo 64 with me. No, I had friends who was playing Gold, but I was just like, I don't know, this isn't that. Your dad fucking destroying you at Golden Eye, I'm sure. Uh, Nate definitely was kicking your ass at Golden Eye.

There's no doubt about that. He's got an alpha older brother. Yeah, again, it would have been more of a doom thing. Yeah. Here's another thing, can I just say this? Please. If you're an actor and you make a lot of money, you can't do commercials anymore.

This is something I think about a lot. They need to be shamed. There's people that need to be sh think about a lot. They need to be shamed. There's people that need to be shamed. There's actors that need to be shamed for the places that they work with. If they make big streaming movies and they take the bag, you need to be shamed for it. And if you make commercials, if you're an actor

and you're a big actor and you're making commercials, even if it's voiceover, if you're, you need to be shamed. I think're... you need to be shamed. You need to be shamed. Do you think they're not doing well, though? That's why they're doing the commercials? Because there's not a lot going on. These actors have made millions of dollars.

Maybe they didn't spend it right, and they gotta take our money from us and do commercials. I mean, this is the thing. It's like they are... these were jobs for other actors. Yeah, there's not... instead of, like, this is the thing. It's like they are, like, these were jobs for other actors. Yes. Yeah, there's not, instead of, like, being like, hey, it's the Michelob guy. And like, some character actor, some commercial actor

would be the Michelob guy, and they have a really great year and be able to, like, pay off their house or whatever the fuck. It's just like, hey, let's just get a celebrity. It's Matt the Toolman from that Budweiser campaign. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. Matt the Toolman.

How great would that be? Matt the Toolman's crushing. Yeah. But that doesn't yeah, yeah. Matt the Toolman, you're crushing. Yeah, but that doesn't exist anymore. No. I'm not gonna name specific actors, but- But yes- Jimmy Fallon. What'd you say? Jimmy Fallon is doing like, you know those mobile games on your phone?

Oh my God, he's doing a mobile game ad, he's doing a State Farm ad. He's doing a lot of them. He's got like a new show called On Brand that's just about, I love brands, which is also like the name's a rip off of, I mean, obviously not an explicit rip off, I guess I gotta say, so don't get sued, of our friend John Marissa's podcast, On Brand.

And it's just like, yeah, it's like, what isn't- Jimmy, stop doing- Don't you just host the fucking Tonight Show? You host the Tonight Show. Stop doing fucking ads. Yeah, you're doing fine. You got this. Yeah.

Spend time with your family. But also, he's an easy guy to go after because no one likes him. Whereas there's a bunch of celebrities that people like that are currently doing commercials. We watched the NBA playoffs, you and I, Mitch. We're seeing this all the time. Every ad break is just a different celebrity

showing something else. I've said this before on the podcast, so I feel okay with it, but if you're a celebrity who's doing an advertising, you are now dropped down to commercial actor. You're not, you lose your status. You should lose your status. And maybe this is a part of what's wrong in the world.

We're just in a post-shame society. There's no way to do it. It doesn't matter. Being shameless is a competitive advantage. I'm shaming your asses. You're embarrassing. You're embarrassing yourself. Stop doing it.

God, fuck. I'm so fucking mad. Anyways. I like this energy. It needs to be said. Stop doing it. God, fuck. I'm so fucking mad. Anyways. I like this energy. It needs to be said. Stay alive till 2025. That's what they said about this industry. And people are moving out.

I'm shaming you, millionaires. You cut the shit, you fucking idiots. Anyways, I went to a Dodgers game yesterday. OK. Oh, cool. And that's the end of that. You and Chankton and Emmy and Angelica, is it? No, they went to the beach.

Emmy and Angelica went to the beach. OK, so it's you and Chankton. And me and Chankton and Hiro, their family friend from Japan. Wow. So we went. And Otani is a huge sensation in Japan and here, of course. Mitch, this was one of those great,

and I know Kimmy also likes to walk, I was taking the bus over to the Headgum Studios, and I was at the bus stop, and there was a family of tourists clearly from Japan, like who were trying to make their way to Dodger Stadium. And they asked, there was a woman who was wearing a Dodger jersey and a Dodger hat clearly on her way to the game. And they went over and like kind of asked her,

and English is a second language, like how to get to Dodger Stadium. And she said, follow me. And then she said, Oh, Tawny. And the whole bus stop was like, yeah. And I was so happy, it was great. There's so much tourism to hear to just see him play. Oh, yeah.

It's wild. So I think this week, you can help me out here, Wige, I think it's Golden Week this week, I think that's what it's called. As of this record. Kito was telling me a bit about it, and I already, I didn't sleep well, so the knowledge is already lost on me.

You're doing great, Mitch, keep going. Thank you, and I got too mad. Look, I'm back on track here. You're doing fine. We were- Yes, Golden Week is a week of four national holidays and seven days in Japan. Yeah, so it's a big travel week from the Seoul.

And there was a lot of Japanese tourists at the game. And then there was a guy, the notani guy was in front of us, the guy who's like not otani, it says notani. I never knew about that. And there was Japanese tourists in front of us that like, who's like not Otani, it says no, Tani, I never knew about that. And there was a Japanese source in front of us that like, I was trying to help them out, they were bringing an umbrella

and they couldn't bring an umbrella, but it must've been so scary to see like a big guy be like, you can't, like, you gotta put it in a locker. Like I was like running up to him, like trying to be helpful and it just probably looks fucking terrifying. That's so nice of you to run up to them to tell them about their umbrella.

You really didn't have to do that. I was trying to help. I'm sure it's somebody there's job to have done that. Well, there was like a language barrier, but I don't speak Japanese. Right, so you weren't helping any better. I was trying to tell Hiro, I was like, can you tell them that they have to put the umbrella in a thing? And I was like to tell Hiro, Hiro, I was like, I was like, can you tell them that like, they have to put the umbrella in a thing? And I was like, you know, very animated. They probably thought I was Gore Burger or something.

And there was fine. A good reference. Gore Burger? You pulled out Gore Burger? Ha ha ha. Gore Burger, the unseen Funnier Die web series where the character was voiced by TJ Miller from like 2011. Bring it back.

Goreburger? Do you know, I was trying to think of that. Of all the kaiju you could have mentioned. I was trying to think of the AMPM guy's name and I couldn't think of it. Tungus? Ah, Tungus. They probably just thought they met Tungus.

That's funny. It would have been really funny if you said that the first time. Yeah. Yeah. All I could think of funny if you said that the first time. Yeah. Yeah. All I could think of is Goreburger. I got it wrong. Dang.

Sad. Aw. We, so okay. They're sitting at their seats at the game. Oh, Goreburger. Like. Toongus. Toongus.

Toongus. Too much good stuff. I'm gonna say this. I was at the Dodgers game. That's right. And I had a delicious Dodgers Dodger dog wags. A big, uh, a foot log. Are you a Dodger dog man? Can't beat a Dodger dog.

Now, Kimmy, I know you're, you're vegetarian. You've been vegetarian since 2018. Is that correct? Great memories. Do you have a, do you, like, like, you're going to a ball game. Did you not tell him that again today? No, no, I didn't really tell him.

That would be really nice if he had just remembered that from last time. But what? That was nice of you to pretend that he did. You didn't have to. I should have just let it slide. You're like a great guy with a great memory, you know? Yeah.

Remembers things about me. When you go to a ball game, you go to a movie theater. Like, obviously, hot dogs are off the menu. But what kind of, what are you snacking on? OK, well, one, I know, obviously hot dogs are off the menu. But what kind of s- what are you snacking on? OK, well, one, I think, uh, maybe I shouldn't get into this. But I think a hot dog for a movie theater is a weird snack. Wow. Sorry.

No, I don't think that's a crazy thing to say. I have- Why are they there? I will eat a movie theater hot dog, but yes, it is a little strange. I think it is the thing that is the closest to a meal you can get. But a hot dog is like for outside in the sun.

And then eating it in a movie theater is like inside in the dark. Wow. I don't think that that's right. I've never actually thought of this this way. But I do think a hot dog on a roller, though, is like when movie theaters started, popcorn is obviously the bigger one.

Popcorn is the big one, of course. The hot dog on a roller, I think, of a convenience store, which again, you grab and you go outside, and you're outside and you're in the sun and you eat a hot dog. Anyways, you asked me a different question, and I went in on hot dogs at the movie theater. That's okay. I like this.

I think this is a thing we should drill down, because people talk to death about whether a hot dog is a sandwich, but this is an interesting idea, is a hot dog an outdoor food? I think it is. It's like barbecues, it's summer. I'm gonna say this, it's a very outdoor food.

Can it not be indoors though, is the question. The thing about it, part of the issue with it being an indoor food, and part of the issue with bringing it into a movie theater that I feel self-conscious about is like, this is a big stinky meal. Like people are gonna smell this. And so sometimes all kind of like-

It's like when I took that pastrami sandwich into the UCB theater, I told this story recently. Where Oak Scormae was used to be, what was the deli? I remember the name of it now, I forgot. It was a deli and I got a big pastrami sandwich. Victor's Deli. And I got a big pastrami sandwich which is just eating it in the theater.

And it's like, you don't do that. You can't do that. People can smell it throughout the, and I realized that as I was doing it. I was like 22 years old or something. I saw someone bring Panda Express on a plane once. I sat next to someone who did that. Yeah, you can't do that.

Yeah, you can't do that. And pastrami, like hot dog, smells like hot dog. It's true, it's very smelly. So is it an outdoor food? I might be with you. That might be its place. But know what? Two SoCal lifers here.

That's true. Yeah. I am a Boston boy. OK. And we get our hot dogs with our Boston beans, wise. And it's the wintertime, and we're boiling them indoors. We need it. And that's fine.

I think eating it in the dark in the movie theaters is awesome. Because you're like eating it inside, but in the movie theaters is also bad. Because you're like eating it inside, but your lights are on in your house and it's all right. It's okay. I think dark and camping is fine for hot dogs. Cause you're outside at least.

But I think if inside and dark, no hot dog. Wow. That feels like a line of demarcation. You can't be indoors while it's dark. Yeah. I'm gonna say this. Some of our listeners You can't be indoors while it's dark. Yeah, mm-hmm. I'm fine with that. I'm gonna say this, some of our listeners are probably gonna be furious.

That's okay. Sitting in a pitch black room, you said they're angry guys, you said they're like kinda angry anyways. Yeah, yeah, no, they're 100%. Like there's no winning, so I'm okay to share this. They also might be mad at stuff I said, being mean to actor, who knows what they'll be mad.

They might be mad that I was mean to Ted Sarandos. You can never tell what will happen with them. You just can't win, huh? That's what I love about podcasting, is you try to anticipate what the freaks are going to whine about. And you're always wrong. It's always something you weren't even thinking about.

It's like, oh, they're mad about that. Yeah, it's something new. Yeah, oh shit. How about that? Like, oh, we better edit this thing out because they're going to be mad about it. Then we do it. And then something we leave in

that we thought was innocuous, everyone's mad about. Can't win. You can't win. You know what I liked? I liked that Bill Burr spiel that he gave to the reporter, was like, what do you think of this thing? And he's like, it's not my job to tell you. That used to be the people in the news' job.

And also, you get like, don't, we're dumb. We're idiots. Yes. We're both idiots. You're dumb, too. You're pretty stupid. I didn't say I was smart. You can call me dumb.

I'm dumb, too. Yeah, I'm dumb too. All three of us here are dumb. What do you want from us? People think I'm smart because I have like a large vocabulary, but I'm fucking dumb as shit. I don't know anything. Your vocabulary is fucking teeny tiny. Fucking micro vocab over there. Here's, all right, so I'm not, I push back a little bit on it. I think for a meal in a theater, I think like chicken fingers and stuff like that

are crazy to me. Like in the, I guess like a personal pizza is okay. I don't know. Just kind of not eating a meal at the movies. That's also fair. That's fair. But I would eat a meal at a Dodger game. Like I call going to a Dodger game, go into a restaurant because I don't know

much about baseball, but me and my friends are just going to the restaurant when the rest of my friends go watch baseball. So are you doing a veggie dog? I've gotten the veggie dog. It's fine because I want to fit in, but it's not a great veggie dog. Have you been to Walt's Bar in Eagle Rock? Oh, yeah.

Very good veggie dog. Best veggie dog. But yeah, the ones at Dodgers are too wrinkly. I'll get the nachos, but here's what they won't do. They won't give you like the loaded ones that come with the meat on top, but without the meat. They won't? I don't know why.

I've asked two different, maybe I gotta go back, but I've tried this two different times. Why? I've been like, yeah, can I get the nacho extreme or whatever the heck it's called, just no meat. And they're like, no, no, you have to go to that other place. And it's just like the chips and cheese spot. Like, what are we doing?

I want the beans and the salsa and the rest of it. Hey, you want all the fixin'. It can't be, because it's sitting right on top. I don't know what it is. Someone help me solve this. So I just basically drink a bunch of beers and eat after. That's also a great option. That's it, that's what I do at Dodger Games.

You know what that reminds me of is when we had, we did the Subway nachos in recent memory and that was a similar sort of thing. You couldn't get it without a protein or what it was was like, there was no discount for getting it without meat. You couldn't order it without meat. You couldn't order it without meat.

You had to go in store and then ask for it with no meat and they still charge you full price. If it's the no discount thing, I'm okay with that. Yeah, I'm okay with that too. I feel like I said it one time also. I was like, I don't need to pay different. I just want to eat the nachos. Please take the meat off.

That is very frustrating. Yesterday, I got a Dodger dog and we did the garlic fries, which I think is like, the garlic fries I kind of do associate with, I think they had garlic fries pretty early on and I associate it with Dodger Stadium for whatever reason. Oh yeah, no, I had garlic fries over a decade ago. They've had that, that's a staple.

And it is good, it is. I mean, look, we're talking Dracula's earlier. That's a big stinky garlic breath you're dealing with. Yes, it's a lot. Sure, yeah, but yeah, you're not gonna have any. I mean, I guess with a day game you don't gotta really worry about Dracula's. That's usually why.

Unless we're talking about the Twilight Dracula's. They love playing baseball outside. Oh, right. They do. But only if it's stormy, so. Yeah. That's true too. So I guess when weather is clear, you're probably fine. And also if it's stormy,

they're usually gonna call it a day. The game's gonna be rained out. Exactly. Yeah, so you don't have to worry about it. Okay. So I usually go to day games that aren't stormy to avoid the Dracula's. That's good.

But you order the garlic fries just to be safe. I order the garlic fries just to be safe. I ordered the garlic fries just to be safe. I'm taking a lot of precautions. I don't want a sinner's on my hand. I know nothing about the movie, but I don't want one happening. Well, you got a piece of it right, actually.

All right, here we go. There's some people who eat garlic fries in the movie. Yeah. Yesterday they weren't that good, but I was like with Hiro, I was like, it came in a little baseball cap and I gave him the baseball cap. That's the fun part.

I love that. Which was really fun. The little plastic cap. But they were not that great yesterday, but we had a hot talk, but the thing that Hiro was very excited about was getting Cracker Jacks. Mm.

Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks. Peanuts and Cracker Jacks, yeah, sure. And it was, I don't know if you would just know this, was that like a market, was that song just a marketing ploy from Cracker Jack? Boy, I didn't think about that. And here's the other sad thing, bag of Cracker Jacks. Wasn't even the fucking box.

Oh yeah, they don't do that anymore. That's a bummer. Bummer, right? Yeah, especially, well, the box is probably more recyclable too, if we're thinking about this on levels. Yeah, 100%. What are we doing? Yes, yes, yeah, yeah.

Everything's just gotten worse. Worse. So annoying. Wait, okay, but I wanna go back to you being vegetarian. Yeah. Because you were talking to me about like how you got into, you know, stopping eating meat entirely. You do eat some fish.

But what was interesting to me is your way in was seeing like chickens as like life form. Because that was a sort of thing of like, for me it was always more, especially when I was not eating meat at all, and I'm trying to eat less meat in general now, but it was always more towards like mammals that's easier for me to see as like, you know, like fellow occupants of spaceship earth.

But like birds I always thought of as like, kind of like fish. They're kind of like weird, like not really the same, you know? I see that. You're not wrong about that. But I just, I watched a bunch of these videos of chickens and like their owners hugging them because the chickens like walk right up to them into their arms and want to be squeezed and held.

Like chickens like hugs. I watched a big compilation of chicken hug videos and I went, well, I was kind of only eating chicken at the time. They read me into whatever it ever. So I was like, well, I can stop eating these chickens. They seem sweet. Did the farmers put the chicken in the closet

with the litter box or no? You know what? You keep bringing this up, and I want to relieve you of some guilt because it is like dogs like to be created because they like their own space, and animals like alone time, so you probably gave your cat some peace, putting him in the closet for a second.

It was crazy that it worked almost immediately, and then I did just feel bad, and like I said, I opened the door, but it was crazy that it worked almost immediately. I was like, is it just because he's not seeing me and not like yelling at me to open the door? I think it's okay, maybe he was just relaxing. You put water in there, it's just like

a nice little dark space to just chill for a second. So you're a good cat parent. You're doing great. I love my Wall-E-Nurma very much. You really do. Isn't there also something about like, you just, you know you're safe because you're secure on all these sides, like nothing's gonna attack you?

Totally. Yeah, of all. Right. Is Take Me Out to the Ball Game made by Big Cracker Jack? Now we just need to know. I guess I'll look it up and we'll see if we can get any context back there at the producer's desk. I don't know.

I thought, I assume it was a more innocent time, but if that was branded content, That would be wild. I mean, it's a little depressing. Nothing is safe ever. Dang, that's so sad. So you're like, you're looking at chickens. You're like, these things are cute.

These things have, yeah. Yeah, they have some sort of emotional need. They just need to be held. And I'm like, OK, that's enough for me. And now, I was telling you a little bit about this. If I travel, I'll get one meat meal, because part of travel is experiencing the food of the place.

Sure. But the only meat I won't eat still is a chicken. I've just sort of like imprinted on chickens as just I just won't eat them. That's nice because you know what? I think so many people do the opposite. Yeah. I think that's nice.

Yeah, like what I was saying. I feel like that is the kind of thing of like, oh, well, I've heard people who are like vegetarian, like identify as vegetarian, but what they really mean is I don't eat red meat, you know, which is like, I don't know, I mean, it's, we naturally have a hierarchy of life forms in terms of what we think is okay to consume and what we think isn't, but I-

Hey, we're all fellow travelers on spaceship Earth or whatever fucking weird thing you said. That's right. Take Me Out to the Ball Game was written by Jack Norworth, who was inspired. Interesting, Cracker Jack. Who was inspired to ride it while riding a subway train and saw a sign that's about a baseball game.

So I don't think, I think Cracker Jacks were just a thing at baseball games. I love that. So he included it and then it turned into great marketing for Cracker Jacks. It's just observational. Yeah. Like art should be.

Pure. Unless Wikipedia is wrong, but that's what I think it was. No, that sounds good. I mean, I guess this is, you know, like a hundred years, over a hundred years ago, but like, well, I don't know when it was, but also, odd coincidence, his name is Jack. Yeah.

Sure. 1908, wow. Yeah, a little funny. How about that? He's almost 120 years old. Wow. Whoa. But also, isn't it crazy, just like a person

to be like riding the subway and being like, hmm, take me out to the, like figuring out, take me out to the ball game. You're just thinking about baseball and you're like, that gives me an idea for a little tune. Wow. And you write it down, put it on the paper. Take me out to the ball game.

It's still sung to this day. How about that? What a legacy. Amazing, you could. You could? Maybe not in the studio, maybe wait till you Amazing. You could. You could? Uh, hmm. Well, maybe not in the studio. Maybe wait till you go. Maybe not.

Do you know that I was searching for something? I know I did. I saw. Take me into the podcast. Same tune. You're not supposed to be going to the bathroom. Take me to the bathroom. So you're in the state where you're not eating any meat except for travel, but then you're also saying you have a little bit of flexibility for spam,

specifically spam. Yeah, yes, because I miss spam the most. And so in December, I get to eat spam. We call it De Spamber in my house. And we go to Alhambra, we call it Al Spamber, and we get spam once a year, just for fun. I think that this could turn into, this sounds like the beginning of

Take Me Out to the Ball Game, you could start a movement on Alspambra and- Dspamber? Dspamber. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that- Dspamber and Alspambra. This sounds like a teacher-dough-boy theme, huh?

I think that it does. There are a lot of spots out in Alhambra good. The Spamber and El Spamber. It sounds like a teacher doughboy's theme month. I think that it does. There are a lot of spots out in El Hamber that have delicious Spam. You guys could do a whole theme thing. Wow. I'll let you have that. What is your, cause I mean, I usually think of Spam in the context of like Hawaiian food

or like a Spam musubi. Yes, that's it. But like, what kind of, is that the kind of Spam you like? That's kind of it. Or like just fried rice with Spam. Oh, sure. Yeah. Or a musubi.

That's pretty much it. I've never been to Hawaii. That's all you need. I'm gonna maybe go to Hawaii in August. Oh, that's fun. I've told you a little bit about this, that my mom and sister and I might go to, and I'm very interested.

I don't know what island to go to, or we don't know any of that stuff yet, but I'm excited to eat the food there, try some Spam. Oh, it's so Try some Spam. It's so good. Spam and just like pancakes, macadamia nut pancakes. Oh man.

Good, good, good. It took me a while to try a misubi, right? That's the- Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, Spam. And then I was like, I don't know how this works. Cause I think the idea of Spam right out of the can, which it seems like you probably do like.

No. No. Okay. What? Out of the can? Hang on, here's another thing you didn't know. I didn't grow up with it or anything. I just sort of like in my 20s had a musubi, Spam musubi, which is grilled, fried, salty, delicious, soy saucy. That's kind of all that got me into Spam.

Yeah. Cause you can make Spam that's not canned Spam, right? You can just eat Spam, but you can also like, you can prepare it. I mean, that's all, and I think the- Yeah, you scooping it out of the can? But is it always from the can? Yeah, it's a canned meat.

It's a canned meat. Wow. It's always that, yeah. I thought there was like, is there like higher classes of spam or no? Is it all just spam? I don't think there's like an elevated spam. I mean, you can use a different-

I think spam is the brand. It is. Yeah, spam is like the brand. The brand of this canned meat. It's not like your friend group. Yeah, there's no- There. The brand of this canned meat. It's not like your friend group. Yeah, there's no... There's no A team, B team on the spam, sorry. I want elevated spam. I think that's kind of good.

You can elevate it in recipes. Sure, okay, yeah. That's nice. All right. I had no idea. I didn't know if there was like, with like some like fancy restaurants with misubi, it would be like their version of spam or something. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure you can go to some, you know, new American restaurant

that has like an elevated spam on their tasting menu. Yeah, they're like they can their own meat or something. Exactly, yeah. Sure. Or some sort of, just pork product or something like that. Yeah. But yeah, I like, my first encounter with it, like you, but it was, as a kid, it was my friend's mom

had made spam musubi, and I was like, I'd never, I didn't know what I was looking at. I was looking at a hunk of Spam, like a sushi roll, but with Spam in it. And they had been into it and it was like, oh my God, this is transcendent. This is delicious. It's great.

It's so funny, the only meat I miss is kind of not a meat at all. It was processed version. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanna talk a little bit about walking because you're a big time walker. Oh, let's talk walk. You walked here. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I wanna talk a little bit about walking cause you're a big time walker.

Oh, let's talk walk. You walked here. I love to walk. Mitch, you're a walker. Where do you like to walk? I am a walker. I mean like- You're a walker. I mean, now it's the form of exercise I like the most

is like what I, and so Sus and I will do a lot of walks. I am lazy and still won't do it as much as I should, of course, but like I do, I do like, I like doing it and I'm trying to do more of it. Yeah. It's that sort of thing of like now, as I lose a little bit of weight, I'm like, oh, like it's good to go out and walk around and it's nice to, I just don't like the heat and that is an issue in LA,

is walking in the heat. Yeah. Yeah. Well, today's a great day for that. Today is, what a beautiful day. Today's nice and cloudy. Beautiful day. But yeah, in the summer you wouldn't want to walk around outside, except I do like it. Yeah. Well, today's a great day for that. Today is a beautiful day. Today is nice and cloudy. Beautiful day.

But yeah, in the summer, you wouldn't want to walk around outside, except I do like it. I love to steam on the streets and just walk around. You really, I mean, you really are, if you're walking in like the reservoir or something like that, like you're just in the sun. You're cooking, basically. And I don't like to walk.

The Silver Lake Reservoir here in LA for people outside of the city. Yes, the Silver Lake Reservoir. You might remember from under the Silver Lake if you watched that movie. Oh good, now everybody knows what it is because someone made a movie. That's nice. That's good. But I don't like to walk around the reservoir.

I live really close to it and it would be an easy walk. But what I like about walking is exploring different neighborhoods or sort of just like walking the streets I normally drive by. And then you can go into different stores or get little sweet treats from different like little coffee shops I never would stop by. So those are the kind of walks I like to do. They're very much very like purposeful. Like I will go discover like Boyle Heights.

I will just walk around there and see what there is. I get bored walking around the reservoir cause I'm like, I've done this a hundred times. So if I ever do go on a res walk, I'm like, okay, I'm listening to a podcast, I guess. That is, I feel the same way. It's like the reservoir, it's also a little hilly. There's things that I don't like. I like a walk, but I like a nice flat walk. Oh, great. You'd love this book, 10,000 Steps a Day in LA. It'll take you around different

neighborhoods. Wow. Yeah. And just tell you a little bit of history about what you're looking at as you're walking. And it's kind of just like a four to five mile little walk, take you one to two hours. I love it. Our friend Alan McLeod has a walking podcast. That's the thing you were telling me last time. Yeah, Malasses Boy.

And actually since the last time we did our Patreon episode, Malasses Boy, Alan and Eve Anderson and Gabris and me, this is the thing Alan organized or was a part of organizing, was the Great LA Walk, which was a 14 mile walk from USC campus to UCLA campus. I did that this year. What, you did that? The Great Los Angeles Walk.

Wow, we didn't see each other. Yeah, this guy does it every year. No, I mean, there's a big group. It's a big crowd, yeah. This guy gets to come out and do that. You guys made it all the way? Yeah. Yeah.

A lot of fun. Super fun, and I went to UCLA. We went to UCLA. We did, yes. So that was really fun. It was a little brewing. To go from boo,, we went to UCLA. We did, yes. So that was really fun. Um, to go from boo USC to nice UCLA. I just want to say it's a bit of stolen

baller, okay. Why is that? Cause you don't have that UCLA diploma and I think it's fucked up. Yeah, I didn't graduate, but I went. That's enough for me. Not enough for me. You need to walk, you need to take the tassel and put it over that.

Hey, that's still a brewing. Should I go back to school? No, you're good. Maybe I'll go back. You can if you want. Please, please go back to school. You want me to go back to school? And can I come with you?

Yeah. Hey everybody, we're not gonna get laid. Our back to our version, that's from Caddyshack. I fucked up, I just realized. No, it was great. Hey everybody, we're not gonna get laid. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I guess the other version is dating college people, which also seems not right. That's pretty big. It's pretty big. Probably a thing you should stay away from. Let's not do that one. Yeah, I'd say. No need to explore that. What do you do when you're doing a big long walk,

and I imagine you're not doing the walk of that scope very regularly, but when you're going on a longer walk, do you bring a water bottle? Do you bring any snacks? Uh-huh, great question. I should bring a water bottle, but I don't, because I like to have my hands free. Right.

And it's kind of a nightmare, because then what happens is just like an hour or two into the walk, I pull over to whatever convenience store, and then I just chug a big water, because I still don't want to hold it, but I got to get water in. And then I just kind of do that periodically. And then I get tummy aches, because I'm chugging water,

and then walking. Yeah. It's really bad. And then I get tummy aches because I'm chugging water and then walking. Yeah. It's really bad. And then the snacks thing, I don't eat snacks because I'll stop in little shops and get myself snack treats. Except if you're walking around a neighborhood. I did a poll once,

I was just walking around Pasadena somewhere, South Pass maybe. And I was like, how kosher would it be if I walked up to one of these houses and knocked on the door and told people, hey, sorry, I'm just on a little walk and I got hungry. Do you have a little snack I can have? We used to be so neighborly, right?

But I feel like people would be so freaked out if I did that today. For sure. And I asked my friends, and they were like, yeah, probably don't do that. They'd better be scared. Yeah. And I didn't try it.

But I also think I'm so unassuming. Like, maybe I could do it. Maybe I feel like. I think people would definitely be freaked out if, like maybe I could do it. Maybe I feel like. I think people would definitely be freaked out if I did it. That's what I mean. If you, I think you'd be okay.

Maybe if I showed up and I was like, I'm so sorry. Do you have like a granola bar or something? I'm just on a little bit of a walk and I didn't pack any snacks for myself. You'd maybe get shot. I think you maybe would get shot. I was walking in the neighborhood and I'm very hungry. Oh my God.

I think it's delivery on that. That might walking in the neighborhood and I'm very hungry. Oh my God. I think it's delivery on that. That might be part of it. I can move that aspect. Yeah. Yeah, I've gotten into carrying a water bottle, which I also hate having not a free hand, but I'm just like, I gotta hydrate at a certain point. What about those water bottle slings

so you can wear it or a backpack? I don't want that kind of thing. I like you not having a free hand. Unencumbered. I like you having both hands. Put two water bottles in those hands so there's nothing going on. I sometimes will get stomach aches on a walk and I had to ask for Susser's, he has a little office and I had to ask for his login

so I could go and log in myself. Log out I guess. Yes, nice. I also just want to say to make clear, He has a little office and I had to ask for his login so I could go and log in myself. Log out, I guess. Yes, wow, nice. I also just wanna say, to make clear, when I say the Stolen Valor thing, because I think that people are thinking I was being mean and I know you don't care, Juan.

What, no one cares? No one cares, I know, but I'm just saying, I don't really think that, I needed to be clear about it. I think people are upset. It has a lot of feelings today. I know. I mean, like, look, you can throw my diploma in the fucking trash.

I went to Ithaca, and guess who would graduate from Ithaca? Amelia. Me and one other freak in this room. That's who's graduating from fucking Ithaca College. Jemmy's leaving. Jemmy's done with this. Jemmy said, oh, you went to Ithaca, I gotta go. Jemmy, where'd you graduate from? The streets, baby. That's ha ha ha ha ha. Where'd you, where'd you, where'd you,

where'd you graduate from? The streets, baby. That's right, street smarts. Street smarts. She's from Miami. Wow. Streets of Miami. Whoa.

How about that? Could've been, she could've, like Bugmane, Bugmane was in Miami. There's, we know a few Miami. There's a big, big film school down there. Did you, did you go to UCLA for the film or no? No, no, all, no. How do you know so little about me?

We've been friends. Yeah, he went for math. Yeah. Math major, thank you. Oh, right, you were a math major. I knew that. Cause I was pretty good at math too. You don't remember everything about me. Uh, no, we're, whatever.

I tried to get myself out of trouble and I got into trouble. Yeah. You should have just left it. I forget this stuff. I'm tired. What do you want from me? We got to get into Panera. Yes.

But I did want to ask you, Biporni is a Persian name. What is the, like, what do you stand on? Like, do you have any favorites among Persian food? And as someone who's eating vegetarian, pescatarian, like, what do you go for with those restrictions? A lot of the soupy stews are still pretty vegetarian. The Osh is something that I'll go for still.

There's also a Cuckoo Sabzi, which is just sort of like an herb frittata. That's something that I like to still eat. Actually in Silver Lake, I don't know if you guys have been to Azizam, it's like a little cafe truly down the block that is selling like modern Persian food, it's so good. And then speaking of UCLA,

Westwood is full of like such good Persian restaurants. Pistachio on. Yes. Atari sandwich shop. Atari sandwich shop is the one I was gonna bring up. That place is really good if you're into a tongue sandwich, which I don't need anymore, but I used to, so good. They have a really good one.

And then there is another, oh, Cafe Glacé, Lice, something like that, in Westwood, has Persian pizza, which isn't a Persian food, but they just make pizza kind of wrong, but in a way that I like. The sauce is a little sweet, it's more like ketchup-y. And they do the thing where they put like all the toppings in the sauce and then the cheese on top of everything,

a bit like a deep dish-esque, but it's personal pan style. It's just like a sweeter, small pizza. Good, I like that. Wow. Yeah, mm-hmm. I'm gonna try that. Touching this is a crazy food, cause you're putting it directly in the food.

Yeah, don't think about it too, the food, it's touching. Don't think about it too hard. If you do, you don't want to eat it anymore. It's touching, the first thing it's touching is the thing it is. It's the only food that's why. Yes. It's a weird thing if you really think about it, but I-

But it's the only food, unless you do, do people eat lips? I think people can eat lips. Yeah, you could. You can eat anything. Okay, lips. All right, so lips, I guess, you could. You can eat anything. Okay, so lips I guess is their teeth. Tongue is specifically like though, presented as like the main protein

and like a tongue sandwich, certainly a langua taco I like. But yeah, it is. It's seasoning, right, for a lot of it? Yeah, and it's textural, but if you get over the mental hurdle, you can enjoy it like any other meat. It's delicious.

Yeah, it's very tasty. Do people eat teeth? No, I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think you digest teeth. Okay, so teeth then, okay. Teeth are off the table. Teeth are off the table, so lips, I guess,

lips or tongue, yeah. Yeah, a lot of that's, a lot of, I've had lengua and I've liked it, but some of that, some of, that wouldn't be called organ meat, right? Or is it organ meat? I don't know. Awful? Yeah, tongue is an organ, sure.

I don't know if it would be, maybe, yeah. A lot of stuff like that I have a harder, that is like some of the stuff I have a harder time with. That's fair. Yeah, I'll do like a pate or like a liver pate or mousse or whatever. But some of that stuff, is it a liver pate or a mousse or whatever. Um, but I, uh, but some of that stuff is, it's a, it's a, it's a strong and texturally, I think it is hard for me, but sometimes you get it cooked well

and it's, and it's great, but also like a tongue sandwich, a Persian tongue sandwich is pretty good. And also it tastes like you're eating pastrami or something. Yeah, it does. Yeah. And it's with like Persian pickles and they put a little bit of like probably mayo and then lettuce, tomato, and that's kind of all you need. And I'm like, it's good., and it's with like Persian pickles and they put a little bit of like probably mayo and then lettuce tomato and that's kind of all you need

and then forget. I wanna try it. It's good. I wanna try it. Cucu sapsi, which you mentioned was a dish that I was not super familiar with, but that's the thing Natalie, my wife, will just like make at home. And she's like, oh, this is really yummy. It's kind of like a very herby frittato.

It's exactly it. I can't cook very well. I'm not a big cook, but I can make a cuckoo sabsy that's pretty good. And if you do fresh herbs from the farmer's market, it tastes way better, because my mom gets me like frozen from the Persian market and it's, you don't need it.

Yeah. Just chop it, the chopping is the hardest part. Arm workout, if anyone's looking for one, just chop some herbs. I gotta think about taking this. Oh, actually, I think I'm pretty good. I think you're good, Mitch. I like the idea of Natalie making this dinner for you

and you're sitting crisscross in front of a fucking Minions movie. He, he. He, he. He, he. He, he. He, he. He, he.

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but the state of your mind is as important as your physical health. I agree with that, Wags. Yeah. And sometimes neither are doing too well for me. Well, let's talk numbers. Traditional in-person therapy can cost anywhere from $100 to $250 per session, which adds up fast, but with BetterHelp online therapy you can save, on average, up to 50% per session.

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Visit betterhelp.com slash doughboys today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash doughboys. Wow. Panera Bread was founded in 1980 as the St. Louis Bread Company in Kirkwood, Missouri. It was acquired by Albond Pan in 1993. They rebranded St. Louis- I am a fan of Albond Pan.

They re- Well, Mitch, love me, I'll take you on a journey here. They rebranded St. Louis Bread Company as Panera in 1997, though in the St. Louis area it's still called St. Louis Bread. Now you mentioned Albond Pan. This is one of those weird corporate things where in 1997, the Albond Pan Company

sells Albond Pan to concentrate on Panera. So Albond Pan no longer owns Albond Pan, it just owns Panera. In 2017- Sucre bleu. That's wild. Isn't that weird? What?

In 2017, it removed artificial preservatives, sweeteners and colors from its menu, which is encouraging. Also in 2017- Panera did? Panera did, less encouraging. It was acquired by private equity firm, JAB Holding Company. Jab Holding? Jab Holding, now,

am I watching a fucking boxing match? Jab Holding owns the following companies. I like that. I like that. Pete's Coffee, thank you, Mitch. Pete's Coffee, Caribou Coffee, Stumped Down Coffee Roasters, Intelligencia Coffee, which is like the upscale like fancy pants coffee shop.

There's one right, a stone's throw from head gum. Einstein Brothers Bagels, Preda Mange or Preda Manger, a teaser for upcoming episode. How do they not own a bon- they not own Albon Pong? No, sold it, that's in the past. That's been sold. This is like the perfect place to own Albon Pong. And this one I like the most, Keurig Dr. Pepper.

That's right, Keurig and Dr. Pepper are one company that is owned by JAB Holding. What? Also Keurig Dr. Pepper also owns Snapple. There are 2000 locations of Panera these days, and we've covered twice before on Doughboys, once with Bill Oakley and once with Monica Ruiz and Chris O'Malley. So, yeah.

Hey, I love those two. I love all three of those people. Great past guests, great current guests. Kimya, I wanted to get your Panera thoughts going in because this is a, we pitched a few different options for you, you picked this one. I did. Panera to me, I was talking about this a little earlier,

it's a study spot. Panera is a study spot. That's where I went in high school and college, if I had tests, I went with my friends and we sat at a table, we got you picked twos, and we took notes or we read notes and we made flashcards. That to me is what Panera is. It's just like, just okay, food, reliable,

it's comfortable in there, they've got free wifi, no one's gonna kick you out cause no one cares. Did they used to have Pebble Ice? I have in my memory that they did. Wow. I feel like they changed up their ice at a certain point, but I don't remember specifically. The one I went to, I feel like definitely had Pebble Ice

and I was just refilling that green tea, ice tea, whatever. And we were just studying there. That's Panera. What I like about, you are correct to point out that's part of its utility. What I like about Panera, beyond like to point out that's part of its utility. What I like about Panera beyond like, yes, they tend to have reliable wifi and large footprints like versus like a Starbucks or something.

Like if I'm going to some other, you're one of these other coffee shops that they own. It's just like, sometimes like there's like six seats in here. Oh yeah, you can always find a spot in a Panera. Panera's are huge. Yeah, there's always a spot to hang out. Emma, you were saying that earlier,

like when you were in college, that was a spot for you, a sunny spot for you. Yeah, there was one, I don't know if it's still there, right on the corner of Tremont in Boston, actually right near where we're gonna be in a few weeks. And it was so easy to just go grab a salad and sit for four and a half hours between classes. And it also wasn't as expensive

as a lot of other restaurants in a city. Like you can get a Panera lunch, at least then for like 15 bucks and it wasn't, and I could sit for four or five hours. They have a great rewards program too. I don't know if they still do. I was getting so much free stuff. And they always were like baguette or apple.

And sometimes if the people were nice, you'd be like, give me both. And then I get an apple and a baguette. I got snack for later. No, we got Chekhov's apples on the table here. Those are from Panera that we have yet to eat. We'll see if they get eaten before the episode is over. They also have Sip Club, which is $15 a month,

and you get unlimited basic beverages. Our buddy, Chef Kevin Mitch, was telling us- Chekhov's apples. Was telling us that- Will they be fucked before the end of the episode? Jesus Christ. He was a Sip Club member. It's an old reference.

Okay. Kevin, thank you for being a valued Jesus Christ. He was a sip club member. This is an old reference. OK. Kevin, thank you for being a valued Unlimited Sip Club member. For the past 11 months, you've enjoyed 48 cups with your annual subscription. That was from Kevin? That was from Kevin. Wait, what?

Chef Kevin was consistently using the sip club, and he got a summary email from them showing how many cups he'd had in a calendar year. He said he'd had like 30 of those loaded lemonades. Yes, he said 30 of them, I'm reading his text here, 30 of them were the charged lemonade until they said, okay, this is killing people,

so we've got to stop selling these. So he had those fatal charged lemonades back in the day. Yikes. So part of the impetus for covering it for our revisit is that Croissant Toast Sandwiches, which they launched in April as part of their It Just Meals Good campaign. They have a croque monsieur, croissant toast,

and a fromage croissant toast. I'll read the copy for each of these. Black forest ham, melty provolone and Asiago cheese, and a caramelized onion and Gruyere spread come together to make a ham and cheese sandwich that is completely re-imagined. What's going on in the black forest that the piggies are so tasty?

Melty, I'm not sure. I don't know why Black Forest ham is given such prominence. But it is. Is the Black Forest in Germany? Is that where it is? Yeah, it is, yeah. And then we have. What's the deal with it?

I don't know. I don't know what's going on there. I want to figure this out. And then the Hamon Serrano, another thing, another European ham that everyone's talking up. Oh, right, yeah. Melty provolone and American cheese, caramelized onions, arugula and garlic aioli transform a simple classic

into something extraordinary. I mean, they're basically the same sandwich. Just one of them has ham and the other one has a garlic aioli. So you're not eating meat. You had the croque-mange sewer without the ham. Mitch, you and I both shared the ham version and the fromage raitals.

I'll let you start things off because I don't know if we were quite sure what to make of these. Yeah, I think you take a bite and you go, huh, okay. Because it's a type of sandwich where you're like, is this good or is it just buttery bread and cheese, which is always base level good, right?

So I don't know. I do think without ham, I just had two kind of of the same sandwich, except one was sweeter, the one with the caramelized onions. Yeah. It just was like the top of a French onion soup between two croissant toasts. Yeah.

That's kind of, which is also good, but are we making food or am I just like eating butter and cheese? Yeah. There's also something to the bread. So it kind of looks like a slab of French toast. I'm not quite sure how to describe it, but with the folds of a croissant. And it's a very strange messy sandwich to eat.

It also is greasier than a normal croissant. It feels like a little bit, I don't know what the texture of whatever. These croissants are already buttery already. Already buttery. It feels like sandwich to eat. It also is greasier than a normal croissant. Like it feels like a little bit, I don't know what the picture, whatever. These croissants are already buttery already. Already buttery, it feels like that's amplified. I just, I thought this was crust crazy. It was just like things were flying off of it. Everywhere, you can't hold it. Yeah, it's crumbly as shit.

And like, why not just use a croissant itself? Like, why do we have to go the extra step of having a croissant toast? It doesn't make it easier to eat. It makes it more cumbersome. And probably harder to make. Yeah. Because they could just split a croissant toast. It doesn't make it easier to eat. It makes it more cumbersome. I don't know. And probably harder to make. Because they could just split a croissant in half

and put all the things in the middle. But we've seen that before. Panera's not gonna do that. They're not gonna do something you've seen before. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, I don't know what quite to make of these myself.

I was maybe enjoying it, but I was also like, this is very heavy. I feel like I maybe have a half of one of these. I don't think I could have a whole sandwich for my lunch. I think I'm gonna need a nap after lunch. And yeah, very greasy and just, I don't know. I'd rather, like, I just rather have a sandwich on bread, I feel like.

That's part of the issue here. I took a bite. Yeah. I said, hmm, and I come in a little like, spoiler alert there. Yeah. And you guys are like, hmm, is kind of the word here. We're all kind of thinking hmm.

Mm-hmm. And I, the sweet one, I'm just gonna say right off the bat, I did not like the sweet one. Yeah. And I, just like, twisted metal wise, I'm just gonna say right off the bat, I did not like the sweet one. And I, just like, twist of metal wise, I'm a bit of a sweet tooth. I like sweet stuff, I like sweet drinks. And I think this drink that, well, we'll get to it. You were like, Amelia, you're like, it's too sweet.

And I like, I don't think it's sweet at all. But that sandwich, I think when it's like, savory with sweet, it's like what gets me, and I did not think it's sweet at all. But that sandwich, I think when it's like savory with sweet, it's like what gets me and I did not like it. And honestly, my favorite bite, another spoiler, I had a tomato soup, which I really like from Panera. And my favorite bite is that when I took the other half

of your sandwich that had no ham of it and dunked it in there, that was maybe my favorite. Of the sandwiches, the croque... Sounds like a good way to do that. The croque monsieur without the ham was maybe my favorite bite. The croque monsieur was better, but I don't think either of these work.

I don't think that they're great. I think that they're a limited time offer for a reason and they will go away. I mean, the croque-manceau without the ham is basically a gussied up grilled cheese. So that makes sense that- Which the other one kind of is trying to be too, which is with onions, but it's-

Right, too sweet. The taste of that one was just not working for me. Yeah. It's a, yeah, I don't know. I don't know if either of these, I didn't dislike them, but I'm also like, I don't need to get this. Sure, if you order it, you'll be happy.

Cause it's again, bread and cheese. We're good. True. But I wouldn't order it, but I'm also like, I don't need to get this. Sure, if you order it, you'll be happy, because it's, again, bread and cheese. We're good. But I wouldn't order it. Yeah, I agree. But it got us in... There's other things on the menu I would order instead. Oh, Yupik 2, just go for it. Yeah.

This is the thing, this is what got us in the building. But what's gonna have me come back to Panera and keep coming back to Panera is things like the Yupik 2. The Yupik 2 is just a great value. You get a cup of soup or mac, a half salad or a half sandwich. You get any two of those three. And I get the Mexican street corn chowder, which is an LTO, and also the half strawberry poppy seed

chicken salad, another LTO. Both of these are seasonal items. And I don't know. I mean, I'm not necessarily even the biggest corn chowder guy, no offense to Emmy. Yeah, you're going crazy right now. But I did think this was a good execution of it. I don't know, I mean, like, I'm not necessarily even the biggest corn chowder guy, no offense to Emmy. Yeah, it's gonna be going crazy right now. But I did think this was a good execution of it.

It's got a little bit of chili powder in there, and you know, I'm a bit of a heat seeker, so like, I was getting just a touch of that. The lime juice wasn't too aggressive. The cilantro was nice, and the poblano peppers as well added a little bit of heat, and also a little bit of texture. And some blue corn tortilla chips.

You just kind of put those sumbitches on top. I thought this was a nice little cup of soup. It would have, a bowl would have been too much, but in cup form, this was a very satisfying, hot component of my lunch. The strawberry poppy seed chicken salad, I thought was a home run. I thought that was great.

I thought it was delicious. The poppy seed chicken salad I thought was a home run. I thought that was great. I thought it was delicious. The poppy seed salad wasn't too sweet. Interesting. I actually had a lot of experiences with home runs yesterday. Boy. Wow. Did you see any in person? There were, there were.

You went to some dingers? Oh yeah. Wow. Freddie Freeman. Nice. Wow. That's his whole thing. I got stuffed up there.

It sounded nerdy. Yeah. Freddie Freeman. I'm stuffed up. Do you hear that? No, I don't. I've had a sinus infection. I'm on antibiotics. Sorry, this is a weird time to tell you.

That's fine. 90 minutes into a podcast. It's not weirder than you talking about fucking the apples. That's weirder to me. This is okay. Look, we won't get into the story that's also funny when we're out there talking about like, we were talking about improv and like scenes being like,

my dick is, you know, we were talking about stuff like that. And then of course I do it immediately. Sorry. It's okay. Um, uh, Freddie Freeman hit a, uh, home run, a dinger. Uh, there was, there were multiple dingers yesterday. I think Mookie hit one too. Wow.

How about that? Red Sox biggest mistake. Letting Mookie, Mookie Betts go away. Sure. I also had strawberries, uh, blueberry. It supposedly had blueberries and pineapple. I didn't get much of those. I just got the strawberries in there

and then some toasted pecans and I've been having some issues with nuts, but pecans are totally fine. Wow. A great little crunch to it. Yeah, I don't know. I thought this was delightful. Mitch, you also got the Yupik too.

I did, Wags. I got the Greek salad with chicken, which honestly, I don't think I need the chicken in it because the chicken is very cheap, thin slices of chicken. This is part of what we're like, we're dealing with, we've talked about chicken and how it's, it's oftentimes like the, has the lowest floor of any protein. We talked about this a lot, yes.

And then we're having this discussion about seeing, you know, again, a chicken as chickens is like having souls at agency and all that. And it's just like, ah, maybe I just need to eat less bad chicken. There's less chicken in general. And just make it worth it. If those guys got to die, make them delicious.

Yeah, right. That's a great point. Yeah. Yeah. Marty McFly gets a little too offended when someone calls him a chicken. You ever think about that? Oh, yeah.

I didn't think about that. You know what, a buddy of mine said the chickens are actually very brave. So being like, mark, mark, mark, your chicken is wrong. Not even right. I don't know if they're brave. They're maybe just stupid. Like they'll walk towards a wolf, that kind of thing.

It's not like brave. They're just like, they don't know what they're doing. If you agitate them in a Zelda game, they'll fuck you up. Oh yeah. Be careful, yeah. Yeah, that's cool. I like that little, I always, would you, I would always, I felt bad doing it,

but I would always wanna see that, I would always wanna see it happen. You gotta beat that chicken up and see what happens. I do it once to see the animation, but then after that I was like, I've learned my lesson, I don't need to do that again. The chicken was not great. No.

But I like the Greek salad there, I've gotten the Greek salad a lot. Panera's quality though, I feel like, it's gone downhill a little bit, right? Panera's quality, I don't know. Boy, I don't know. I mean, I remember what during- I think it's been pretty stable recently.

When I was shooting the Tomorrow War in Atlanta, I would go to Panera a lot. And I thought like the Greek salad was like a good Greek salad. And then this felt a little airport Greek salad. Yeah. Okay. The tomato soup on the other hand,

which was the other part of my pick too, I love. Wow. And I have good memories of shoveling at my, during COVID shoveling at my mom's house. And we got, and like, I got tomato soup at Panera the night before and we had, we heated it up and it was delicious. It was delicious.

That's fun. It's a good for a fast food or whatever, you know, chain restaurant tomato soup at Panera the night before and we heated it up and it was delicious. That's fun. It's a good for a fast food or whatever, chain restaurant, tomato soup, they make a damn good tomato soup. Was this a planned sequence of events? You're like, I'll get Panera tomato soup tonight so that tomorrow after I shovel some snow, I'll have some soup ready to go.

That's right. Wow! A snow storm was coming, that's exactly what it was. Wow, foresight. Foresight. Also, Emmy loves, I was like, I gotta go to work and eat tomato soup. And Emmy was like, I love tomato soup. Sounds like she's a big soup fan.

It sounds like she is. Soup in general is for her. I think she is a soup fan, yes. You gotta get her in the pod. Yeah, yeah, maybe. I just remembered a big Panera memory that just hit me was I had free bagels from Panera for a year when I was in college.

Wow. Yes, I just in college. Wow. Wow. Yes, I just remembered this. So I went to, they were grand opening the Encino Panera or something. And I saw online that the first like 100 people get free bagels for a year. And I think, I remember I went in at, I went there at 5 a.m.

I went there, cause I was like, everyone's gonna want this. I gotta go at five a.m. I went there, cause I was like, everyone's gonna want this. I gotta go at five. Nobody was lined up. It was like me and maybe one other guy kind of just sat in my car till it opened at six. And I was like, I'm not gonna be the first person to walk in.

So I waited a little longer and I was like the third person to walk in there. And they just give you this like voucher that I would just show to my local Panera. And they gave me a dozen a month of bagels. And so we just kept those in the freezer and me and my roommates just really ate bagels for a whole year at college.

Wow. Yeah. That rules. Thank you Panera. College is a perfect time I feel like to have you there. Exactly. You're like a hero. I was a hero.

That's wild. Wow. Wow. A dozen a month. A dozen a month, that's wild. Wow. Wow. A dozen a month. A dozen a month, that's what you get? Pretty good. Mm-hmm. Should've stayed in school. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha The sandwiches were just okay. The salad was a little wonky today. And I got this drink too.

Yeah, so we wanted to get the citrus punch or you wanted to get the citrus punch. A delightful citrus punch naturally flavored with lemon, mango, pineapple, and blood orange juice who unfortunately did not have it. So Amelia, you're like, you ought to bold in store and you got something else. You got the passion papaya iced green tea,

not realizing that that was what I ordered. Had no idea. Wow, so we ended up with the same beverage. And then you were, and then Wags was like, wow, this worked out and took the drink and started drinking. I was like, I want some of the fucking drink. No, there was no ice. No ice in the drink, which was that was-

That was a me thing, not a Panera thing. Oh, smart. I like it. Yeah, cause it's not gonna dilute, I get it. Yeah, good move. What did you think? Cause I don't think that this is that sweet. And you seem to think it was like disgustingly sweet.

I thought it was pretty sweet, especially I had just eaten a kitchen sink cookie. So I went from eating a cookie to drinking that and I still thought it was sweet. Okay. It was a little sweet for me, but I also like an unsweetened iced tea. Like that's how I prefer it.

And so here we got, and then it has passion fruit and papaya and then just like, I don't know, like 150 calories of added sugar. So it was pretty potent to me. You don't mind it. I don't mind it, yeah. But I like sweet drinks. Yeah.

Kimia, where do you stand on an iced tea? Love an iced tea. Love an Arnold Palmer. Arnold Palmer. Oh yeah. Arnold Palmer. We nailed it on the third one. Yeah, so I don't like them sweetened though.

Yeah. And Arnold Palmer's okay because a lemonade should be kind of sweet. So if I'm adding it in, I expect it to be there. But if I'm drinking an iced tea and it's sweet, I'm like, no. We're in Arnold Palmer season. This is a great time to have Arnold Palmer.

Summertime, oh baby. Oh yeah. And now you can do the perfected Arnold Palmer, the Nick Weigert. Oh God, I knew you would say this. He does the same ratio as you. I think my ratio. Arnold Palmer does the ratio you do.

No, it's two thirds iced tea, one third lemonade. Yeah, that's what it should be. Yeah, exactly. And that's what he calls an egg wagger. Yes, this is the issue. It's like me being like, the Mike Mitchell, I'm gonna call the cheeseburger the Mike Mitchell. It's like when you put two slices of cheese

on the burger or something. Sounds pretty good. Oh, people do that. People do that, that's the point. I can't take a cheeseburger. You can't take the Arnold Palmer. I'd give you the credit for that. Create your own shit. Create some fucking, create uh... Create that, some apple sandwich or something. Create something.

Create an apple sandwich? I'm not the take me out to the ballgame guy. I don't know. I was just going what was in the room. Create, create something. Create a- I did! What? The Nick Weigert. No. What's your thing is that what? An original Arnold Palmer is a- I did. What? The Nick Weiger. No. What's your thing is that what,

an original Arnold Palmer is a half and half? Original is, I feel like it's 50-50. I don't know. I think it's just the guy just invented the mix. The ratio is not important. Also, I don't think he invented it. I think someone else gave it to him. Oh, he invented it.

And he named it after himself. But God bless him. Rest in power. I thought this was too sweet for me. I like a green tea. I like an ice green tea, but yeah, I just don't need this much sugar. However, when we're talking sugar.

He's a freak too. We're both freaks. He's a weirdo. I'm normal. I'm a normal man. We also had some sweet treats. We had the Kitchen Sink cookies and we had the tulip cookies. Now the tulip cookies came in a six pack and Emma, I think you had the astute observation

that recording this on the other side of Easter, this seemed like a way for them to get rid of Easter inventory. They look like Easter cookies. They look Easter-themed. They definitely are Easter cookies. And the fact that they came in six, you were 100% right. Totally. Because I was like, oh, six pack,

I bet these are little guys. They were big boys. They were big. These are big old shortbread cookies. I think we just had, we split one or two of them among the five of us. Yeah. And, but- Delicious.

Pretty good. Pretty yummy. I did like it. Nice and soft, not too sweet, honestly. Really good. I was trying to get the, I wanted to get the 20 pack of clover cookies. Is this the St. Patrick's Day thing?

What's going on? St. Patrick's Day cookie joke. All right. is this the St. Patrick's Day thing? What's going on? The St. Patrick's Day cookie joke. All right. Nice. So where's it going? No. That was it? That was the end?

That was the end point? You want to get a 20 pack of clover cookies because St. Patrick's Day was a couple months ago? That was the entirety of your thought? Okay. Don't talk to me like a child. No, I just wanted to make sure. I just wasn't sure what I was missing.

I guess I was missing nothing. We got it. It's fully self-contained. I was going to say like, I had given up and covered my head already. I couldn't do it anymore. I was going to say the 50 pack of fucking Santa cookies or something. I just was running out of steam.

I just had nothing. You're doing great. That was good. Aw. The tulip cookie I didn't like. You didn't like it? I thought you guys all liked it. What did you like about it?

Not sweet enough for you? I actually thought it was too sweet. You guys were saying, oh. OK, this is incorrect. I think that the Kitchen Sink cookie. That one was definitely sweeter. It was sweeter, but I liked the flavors of it more, too. So it was sweeter.

OK. But the little pretzel, a little salt, and chocolate is the main flavor. I think it's the fact that the tulip cookie was very, it was like the sweetness was just a kind of sugary. Yeah, it's like a grocery store cookie. Yeah, grocery store cookie. You can compare it to the Loft House cookie

that has like, yeah, the shortbread with the icing, the thick layer of icing. And that's very much what it was, the Kitchen Sink cookie by contrast, which I love, that's a go-to for me from Panera, and that has semi-sweet chocolate, milk chocolate, so two types of chocolate, caramel pieces, pretzels, and then flake salt.

I mentioned one thing I like, because peanuts are tough for me these days. A lot of times that's what adds texture to a cookie, but you get the pretzels in there. You get the same sort of sensation, just minus the nuts. And then I love the saltiness of the pretzels and the flake salt that's thrown on top of these bad boys. You know what I heard is really good?

What's that? Those clover cookies. I've heard the same thing about those clover cookies. If you can get them on clearance after St. Patrick's Day. In the 20 pack, yeah. It's pretty good. You can get the 20 pack, but the 20 pack clover cookies I hear are pretty tasty.

Yeah, those are great. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I like the Lincoln cookies you can get after President's Day. Those are really good. Yeah, you have to get 60 Lincoln cookies. You have to get 60 Lincoln cookies, but it's a 60 pack, you'll go right through them. And also it is a weird thing,

it's like post-assassination Lincoln. Like it's like right after you got his brain blown off. It's pretty, it's a pretty grab a cookie. But they just say that because I think somebody just spilled a batch of them on the floor. Yeah. And they had to rebrand them real fast. I like those kitchen scene cookies quite a bit.

I like all the textural variants. That's a big part of it. It's just like each bite is a little bit different. And sometimes you get those perfect bite, that perfect bite that's got a little bit of everything. But it is, I think, a little bit sweeter than the tulip cookie. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. No, you didn't agree with that. No, I didn't agree with it. But sure. I agree with his thought on it. Sure. That's fair. I like the kitchen sink cookie and I just,

the grocery store, a sugary grocery store cookie is not my favorite type of cookie. And that's fair mine either. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, but today it was good. Yeah. Amelia, you seem to respond to that kitchen sink cookie. Oh man, those kitchen sink cookies were a home run.

Whoa! Congested. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm always hitting dingers behind the desks there. Wags, you know those days when you want to just get home and get in your bed? Oh yeah. Well, guess what? That's every day for me. Wow. Cause I have a Helix mattress.

That's right. I love my Helix mattress, Wags. I've had it now for about seven years almost. And how has your sleep improved since you switched to Helix? It's fantastic, Wags. I feel like I'm sleeping on a cloud. I love it. Wally and Herman love it. My mom loves it when she comes to visit.

I'm a good son and sleep on the couch. Yeah. It's a fantastic mattress. Uh, I, I have the Moonlight Luxe, that's the mattress I have. You know what, I took the Helix Sleep Quiz, answered some easy questions, they matched me with the mattress, it was sent right to my door, setup was easy,

it was a fantastic experience. Mitch, you and I both have a number of ailments that are affected by sleep. I snore, I think you snore. You've had, I know you talk about- I got a CPAP machine. You talk about your CPAP machine. I have a lower back pain,

and that can be exacerbated by a bad night's sleep. And I have trouble just sleeping through the night, oftentimes. Well, Helix will help you with all those wags. And if you're too hot when you sleep, it will cool you down. They got some cool mattresses. They got anything you want. And I have used, I'm a proud supporter of Helix for seven years now.

Wow. My next mattress, guess what it's going to be? A Helix? And guess what? What? Your next mattress is going to be Helix too. Wow. Go to helixsleep.com slash doughboys for 27% off-site wide plus free bedding bundle, sheet

set and mattress protector with any Lux or Elite mattress order. Exclusive for listeners of Doughboys. Wow. do it. We should get to our final thoughts on Panera. Unless there's anything I missed, were there any menu items we didn't hit up here? Uh. I think we got everything.

I mean, the croissant toast was the headline. Yeah. And, you know, we'll talk about it. So Kimya, here's how this will work. We'll each go around, we'll give our closing argument, if you will, on this particular chain. You can talk about this experience, you can talk about your lifetime of Panera experiences,

and then end it by giving a score from zero to five forks. You are our guest. We'll begin with you. Okay. This is me talking about Panera, right? Yeah, Panera. You know, Panera has only provided for me in my entire lifetime. It's provided a space to study. It's provided bagels for my friends.

It's provided safety, a seat. There's always a seat for you at a Panera. And it is very reliable. The food I don't love now, but I did then. It really, it satisfies. A U-Pick too is a fantastic deal. So I think generally, maybe I'm just feeling so happy and emotionally high on this Panera, but I'm like, okay, I give it a four.

It's a pretty reliable spot that to me gave me a lot in life. Wow, four forks. Look at that. Very good score. Mitch, go ahead and give us life. Wow, four forks. Look at that. Very good score. Mitch, go ahead and give us your closing thoughts, your fork score. I'm gonna deploy Chekhov's apple. Wow.

He's gonna eat it to be clear. I- Thank God. Chrison toast sandwiches didn't work out, but you know what? I'm gonna give a toast to croissants in general, because they're a buttery, tasty delight and I like to get a croissant sandwich at Dunkin' Donuts. I'm a fan. The Dunkin' Donuts sandwich, the breakfast sandwich with the croissant,

egg and cheese or whatever and bacon or whatever you want to put on there, really works well. These did not, they were just like too charred and too fucked up. well. These did not, they were just like too charred and too fucked up. Jab, what is this? You said Jab Industries? Yeah, JAB, I believe it's pronounced as an acronym. Jab, but what, Jab Industries? Let me let me scroll up through my notes here. It's a JAB holding company.

JAB holding company. Got it. Okay. Um, now in 2020, I was trying to avoid the jab, as you know, Wags. But in 2025, do I avoid jab holding company? Do I, do I avoid Panera? No, I like Panera quite a bit. Um, I think that the quality has declined, but I think they got, I think you can go in there and share some bad news. Why? Cause we've talked about this before.

It's a great place to go in there. And, and when I was in Atlanta, I went there for lunch and they can get it like a good, healthy lunch. I love the tomato soup, decent sandwiches you picked too. I think I love everything it did for you when you were in college. That's the truth. Um, I love everything it did for you when you were in college. That's the truth. Um, I love the 20 pack of clover cookies. Um, I, I, I'm, I'm genuinely a fan.

I, I, I do think like it felt ele, Panera felt elevated to me at one point, and now it doesn't feel that way. It kind of bums me out. I think it's just age. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But Au Bon Pon, doesn't that still feel kind of, or actually maybe that slid too,

but that felt elevated at one point. I don't know. These like fast cash cafes felt elevated and no longer do. Then they just no longer do. Now that I'm like over 30, I'm like, no. No, yeah. Make food in your home. That is maybe what it is.

But I can't go below, I'm going to go three and a half forks. Yeah. Doesn't get a four from me. I don't think it deserves it, but I think it's a good solid three and a half forks. I think you're more right, and I was really riding the high of my emotions. Look, this show is all about nostalgia

and being too nice to these places that are usually. Not being too nice to Open Air, a place I haven't visited for years, honestly. And also, like, probably a terrible corporation on top of that, of course. Oh, yeah. Do you see all the places it owns? Yeah, it's a jab holdings, doesn't sound like a great company anyways. But wow, I can't believe you actually finished the fucking apple before. We really stalled for you to just crush that apple.

Yes. I was more seeing if I could you to just crush that apple. Yes. I was more seeing if I could do it. And you did. Yeah. As opposed to trying to hurt you to stomp it. How does it feel? Yeah, do you feel good? Yeah, honestly.

Good apple. I notice you chose the apple that didn't have the huge bruise on it. See, that's the thing. This is a fair observation. So one of the apples as I finished my bite here, that's the thing. This is a fair observation. So one of the apples, as I finish my bite here, that Panera gave you, because- That's the one you take home. No.

As part of Panera's- No. No. No. No. That's the first time anyone in the podcast is like, no, don't do that. Our guests should do that more.

I wanna encourage that from our guests. Anytime we go down a road like that, just no. As part of the Panera Combo, you get your choice of an apple, a baguette, and chips. Or 20 clover cookies. Or 20 clover cookies. That's a seasonal item. However, this apple has a big bruise on it.

Now, that's not the end of the world. But just again, for something that you're getting from a restaurant, you kind of wish this one had been pruned out of there. That's like a sliding door for a worm. Oh, that's true. Yeah, it is like a sliding door for a worm. That worm's doing a architectural digest.

Hey, worm. That's a luxury residence. Who's that worm that wears a hat? Oh, from Richard Scary, Busytown? Yeah, I know who you're talking about. Oh, is that who it is it? Who is it? Who's that worm that wears a hat? Oh, from Richard Scary, Busy Town? Oh, is that who it is? That's who it is. Isn't there a worm that wears a hat that lives in the apple too, or is it, am I being crazy?

That's him, he drives an apple car, the Richard Scary worm. Oh my god. Lowly worm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, lowly. Lowly? Yeah, L-O-W-L-Y.

What is it? Lowly. What is it? L-O-W-L-Y, lowly? What is it? Lowly. What is it? L-O-W-L-Y. Yeah, lowly worm. All right. Rule 34. Oh God.

No. The worm who wears the hat. I think he might be a resident of the White House. Wow. We'll be right back. Okay, we're back. Lowly worm is cool as hell. Yeah, lowly worm is cool.

Yeah, he's awesome. Lowly worm. Here's the thing, I really like Panera. I have a lot of affection for this chain. I like that it's doing something a little bit different. There's no one who's really like, there's no one who's actually really doing the same thing in its space. Everyone's either trying to be a little bit cooler, a little bit sleeker. They feel like they're kind of comfortable kind of being like a big,

you know, kind of cumbersome space that's almost just got too much like it's got more real estate than it needs. And you've never been inside to like a packed Panera, you know, I mean, there's there's there's always like a little bit too spacious. But that's part of what you like about it's kind of got a hotel lobby feel to it. But it's also a little bit and this this this goes back to what you were saying, Mitch, about it being a place to break bad news to people. It kind of also has a sort of almost clinical feel to it.

Like it's not like it's homey, but it's also not too, it's not too nice, you know, it's not too snazzy. I don't know, there's something about it, there's something about its sterility that is kind of comforting and its uniformity. And I think the quality of food is high enough that I'm always happy when I have a lunch there. I think they do have, we didn't get any hot beverages here, but I think they do have good coffee and I'm a big coffee guy, I got to have my Java. I think if you're near a Panera, the sip

club is quite a good value. I really like their desserts too. There's two guys who know a thing or two about being sterile. It's you and I. We got that locked down, Wags. Also, I just want to say I am disgusted that, and look, I'm done with Rule 34. I'm not going to talk about it on the podcast anymore, but there is fucking lowly worm Rule 34. Why did you look that up?

You didn't have to look that up. It all exists. That's the whole point. That's the point of Rule 34. Is that it all is there. But lowly worm Rule 34. There's like two quarks. How did you look that up? You didn't have to look that up. It all exists. That's the whole point. That's the point of rule 34. Is that it all is there. Yeah. But lowly worm?

Rule 34? Rule 34 in and of itself is stating that lowly worm porno will exist because the whole thing of rule 34 is if you can imagine it existing, it's there. So if this is on you, for looking it up to be like, let me see if I can prove myself wrong. No, the rule is the rule.

So you're gonna get something nasty on your phone. I got something really nasty. Can I just read you the caption? Okay. Sure. This is too big. It smells terrible. That's the caption of the- Jesus Christ. Yeah.

Okay. Show me that F in the room. You gotta take her off the caption. Can you just me that ass in the room. You got a taker off the cat shit. Can you just check that over this way? Wow, two takers. Ithaca College alums, throw those caps in the air. I like Panera quite a bit.

Yes. I wanted to defer for a second to Amelia because you have a little bit of a history yourself with Panera. I've always had really fond memories in a Panera. When I was 12, my sister started dating her high school boyfriend, my older sister, and he would let me tag along on their dates and he'd take us to Panera and he'd treat me to Panera and I got the same thing every time and I got it today

The front egg a chicken panini and a French onion soup. How was it? Very nice of him? How was it today? It was it holds up. Wow nice And he is now my brother-in-law Has he taken you out since to a Panera Something you guys should do, like every so often. And I've taken their child, my niece there to Panera. Wow. We got kisses and cookies.

This is so beautiful. This is so cute. What a lovely story. That's really, that's very sweet. Yeah. If I'm going on a date with a guy I said, don't try to bring your kid sister along, okay? Okay.

I, last time... I don't really go on any dates if that wasn't clear. No, you established it earlier when you insisted that you're not a bachelor, you're a lonely man. I have, uh, I, I, last time we reviewed this, this chain, I, I, I mentioned on the podcast that I lost a baguette in my car and still never found, not to this day. It's amazing. No idea. I didn't know a man could lose a baguette until it happened to me, but here we are.

We're living in the aftermath of that event, but I am still a fan of Panera, nevertheless. I am going to go four forks. I'm in the Handholding Club with our guests because I think this is a- Wow, I kept it out of the Golden Plate Club. You did, Mitch, but you also, like, were true to your evaluation, and that's the whole point of this exercise.

I like... I do. This is a good adding for Panera today. And, hey, I'll have that memory of that snow shoveling day and that hot tomato soup with my mom. I'll have that forever. See, that's the thing. A Panera has a little memory for everybody, huh? It does. Mm-hmm.

That's kind of nice. And it's mostly, I have bad news for you is usually what it is. It's kinda nice. And it's mostly, I have bad news for you, is usually what it is. It's a memory, a memory's a memory. A memory is a memory. It's a core memory. Yeah, that's where we fired you song, right?

I believe so, yes. Our whole producer. I think, I said this before too, but I've sensed bad moments in my life, I've thought of just being in a Panera. Like I've retconned it. When I'm thinking of a white void, of just being in a Panera. Like I've read Condit, when I'm thinking of like a white void, it is like sitting in a Panera

where I'm like getting this, you know, some sort of bad news. But also I think it is a place where you can sit down and it's like a place where you can take that news. That's another part of it. So- It's an anti-chamber to oblivion. I like that.

Kind of a purgatory on Earth. Yes. On this little spaceship we call Earth-wise. That's right. Hey, that was our view of Panera. It's time for a segment. This is Chew Truths and a Fry. This is a food-based Two Truths and a Lie

where Mitch and Kimmy must guess which of these three food facts. I was just about to say this podcast sucks before you said the segment. Which of these three food facts. I was just about to say this podcast sucks before you said the segment. Which of these three food facts is in fact food fiction. So I will read a topic. I will read three quote unquote facts. You identify which of the three was made up

by our associate producer, Amelia Moreno. And we can alternate who guesses first. And we say which one is a fry. Yeah, so say which one is a, I mean, you can also just say lie, but say what it's technically true truth. No, no, we'll say what you said. We'll say fry. Okay, it's fry.

Okay, great. First up, the topic is doughnuts. Okay. Mm-hmm. A, the original purpose of a doughnut hole was to save dough and yield more product. B, the world's heaviest doughnut was made in Utica, New York and weighed over 3,000 pounds. Whoa.

C, National Doughnut Day was established in 1938 to honor the women of the Salvation Army who served doughnuts to soldiers during World War I. I haven't answered. C, National Donut Day was established in 1938 to honor the women of the Salvation Army who served donuts to soldiers during World War I. I haven't answered. Go ahead, Mitch, you go first. Wait, I go first? You go first this time, and then Kimya can go first next time.

Okay, good. I think B is a fry. Mitch says B, the world's heaviest donut. Oh. Kimya, what do you think? That sounded kind of good to me. I think C is a fry. Oh yeah, C does seem like a fry. Oh well.

I'm surprised to tell you that you were both wrong. Whoa! The original purpose of a donut hole was to save dough is a lie. It was a fry rather. Is it so it cooks? It is to ensure the dough is fried evenly. I'm afraid you knew that. You knew it.

And I knew it, but I went, everyone's a cheapo these days, huh? Yeah. And I thought myself out of it. I mean, a part of me was just like, oh yeah, I guess you would have a little bit, like, I guess you can make the doughnut whatever the hell you want. Doughnuts that don't have holes.

I can't believe I sided with the Cheepos and not with the women. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha cold water. B, water is heavier in ice form than in liquid form. C, 1% of the earth's water is suitable for drinking. Kimya, you go first. What? Can I say, as you read all those, I kind of, my brain went, I don't care. The water fact, I went, I don't know. I'll read them again. Hot water freezes. No, please don't. I'm just gonna make one. By the way, siding with the Cheepos and not the women is like, it kinda sums up the Doughboy's Pocket. Coming out of the Doughboy's Pocket.

Oh dang, yeah. No, no, you guys are good. I'm gonna pick A, because it doesn't matter. A, hot water freezes faster than cold water. Mitch, what do you think? I say, I'm gonna say B, because is this a properties thing, or where frozen water?

Shouldn't ice weigh the same as the water, as my guess? Yes, Mitch, you are correct. Wow. That was the fry. Water is heavier than ice, more of the liquid form, you get a point. Next up, honey. Okay, I'm back on board.

I'm back on board too. A, honey can ferment if it absorbs too much moisture from the air. B, bees must visit over two million flowers to produce one pound of honey. C, honey is naturally vegan since it's made by bees, not from them. C, it's true.

Oh wait, I'm looking for a fry. A. Ha ha ha. Also watch CB Falls. Can we pick the same one? Yeah, sure. Yeah. Can you read A again?

A. Honey can ferment if it absorbs too much moisture from the air. That sounds real. Yeah, it does, but it also sounds boring. I agree with you. B is bees. Bees are bees. I just want that one to be true, bees are, bees are something about bees. I just want that one to be true

because they're such hard workers. Bee bees must visit over two million flowers to produce one pound of honey. It can't be that, it can't be that, but I'm gonna leave it as true. I think it might be, I think it is true. I'm gonna go A as well, I'm going A with you. All right, let's see.

The one that is a lie or a fry rather is honey is naturally vegan. Is that true? Yeah, I just, I looked it up again to be sure. It is honey is naturally vegan. Is that true? Yeah, I looked it up again to be sure. It says honey is not vegan. It's technically an animal product and those following a vegan diet can exclude any food that exploits it.

Oh, animal products. Or vegans won't eat honey. Wow, that's wild. Interesting. That's wild. Even if the bees are just like making it anyways. It's pretty rare. I think most vegans are okay with it.

It's like very staunch, hardcore vegans that won't touch it. I guess it's an animal product. I think most vegans are okay with it. It's like very staunch, hardcore vegans that won't touch it. I guess it's an animal product. I guess so. But I'm not like stealing the honey. You also can't give honey to babies. Oh, what happens? Under a year, if you give, there's like a bacteria that can grow in honey that most

human beings are, like we're all fine with. It doesn't bother us, but it can kill babies. Whoa, and babies can't drink water either. Nope. The previous thing we heard facts about. All right. Wow. Next topic.

This is, this is, I, all right. It is a fun topic, pizza. Okay, okay, okay. Hey, in the US, 350 people eat 350 slices of pizza every second. I'll take that again. 300, yeah. Wait, what?

Did I write that right? This is what you wrote. I think I'm gonna go eight. In the US. I think I'm gonna go eight. But we'll see that again. 300, yeah. 300. Did I write that right? This is what you wrote. I think I'm gonna go A fry, but we'll see what happens. In the U.S., 350 people eat 350 slices of pizza every second. Okay, A fry. Sure. A fry.

What does that mean? A fry. I'm gonna give everyone a point because there's no way that's true. What does that mean? What is B and C? It might be million people. Okay, so that was-

Maybe just 350 slices of pizza are eaten every second. That sounds right. Maybe it should just be people eat 350 slices of pizza every second. There's an extra 350. I must've like edited the sentence and forgot to get rid of that. That one, I'll just say that was,

this will just be a 50-50, because that one is true. It was just at a typo. So the other two are, you know, it's a coin flip here. B, in 2001, the Russian space agency was paid over a million dollars by Pizza Hut to deliver a pizza to one of their astronauts in orbit. That is true. C, the first pizza to be delivered

by drone was delivered in the US in 2020. Oh shit, or is that true? Well, these are good fries. If, if one of these is a fry. One of them is true. One of them is made up. Um, I feel, how much did they say they paid Pizza Hut? One million dollars.

I don't think it's that. Oh my god, Dr. Evil would love that. I guess I should deliver that like Dr. Evil. Go ahead. One million dollars. Really good. Really good. Can I do one?

Yeah. 20 clover cookies. Oh, my God. Just hammer it home if it made everyone uncomfortable and didn't make sense when you first did it. You just gotta hammer it home if it made everyone uncomfortable and didn't make sense when you first did it. You just gotta hammer it home. Do we have a guess?

Yeah, yeah, that one. Yes. The million dollars. You're guessing million dollars. I'm gonna guess the drone. C is a fry. Yeah, Mitch, that one was a fry. It actually happened years earlier in New Zealand.

Now that's the kind of fry I don't like. When it's like true and then all you did was change the date. You know what the kind of fry I don't like when it's like true and then all you did was change the date. You know what? It's not on you. No, it is. It is on you. No, no, no.

I am choosing women and I'm blaming the Cheapos. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Okay, next up. Honey the only product a bug makes? Webs. Yeah, webs, webs are huge. Shit, you're right though. Webs, silk, yeah. Silk, silk.

I guess the only one that we eat, right? Probably. There's gotta be another bug thing that we eat. We eat some bugs. I mean, we eat bugs, but do we eat something that bugs make, or is it just honey? Yeah, what else do bugs make? I mean, honey is the big one.

Honey's definitely the big one. Honey's definitely the big one. You know, honey never expires. It's good forever. Oh yeah. It like just gets crystal-y, but you can eat it forever. It's kinda fun. Wow, that's good. All right, next up, pancakes.

That's cool. Ooh, pancakes. A, William Shakespeare was a big fan of pancakes and mentions them in two of his plays. Boy, this is an unfair advantage to Mitch because of his vast knowledge of Shakespeare's canon. I know Shakespeare. in two of his plays. Boy, it is an unfair advantage to Mitch because of his vast knowledge of Shakespeare's canon. I know Shakespeare. When does he say pancake?

B, the biggest consumers of pancakes in the United States are people from the Northeast, eating 32.5% of all pancakes consumed. C, pancakes were invented by the Romans in first century AD. Oh. Can you say two and three again? B, the biggest consumers of pancakes in the United States are people from the Northeast eating 32.5% of all pancakes consumed.

And C, pancakes were invented by the Romans in first century AD. Uh, C is a fry. Kimya says C. I'm gonna say B is a fry, but I don't know. Mitch, you do know because that one is a fry. You're crushing this. You're running away with it. You are, yeah. This is, this is, that was pure,

that one was pure luck. I'm not, I'm not caring enough, you know. I'm just kind of picking one. Because I really just want to get to the answer and know which ones are facts and which is a fry. To sleep per chance to dream. There you go. The immortal bard.

Next up, coffee. A, bees are attracted to coffee plants and enjoy the effects of caffeine. B, the immortal bard. Next up, coffee. A, bees are attracted to coffee plants and enjoy the effects of caffeine. B, the caffeine extracted from decaffeinated coffee is sold to tobacco companies to put in their products. C, coffee's popularity in the US boomed after the Boston Tea Party. Too fast for me.

I got it. You went too fast. Bees are attracted to coffee, another bees one. Bees are attracted to coffee plants and enjoy caffeine. Seems like she was on some sort of bee website. to coffee, another bees one. Bees are attracted to coffee plants and enjoy a caffeine. Seems like she was on some sort of bee website. Caffeine is- B movie.

Bee caffeine extracted from decaf coffee is sold to tobacco companies. C, coffee's popularity in the US boomed after the Boston Tea Party. Ooh, C seems real. I pick B as a fry. That's a good choice. Thanks.

I'm gonna go A, and I don't know. Kimya takes it. Nice. It is, in fact, a fry that decaffeinated coffee, caffeine is sold to tobacco companies to put in cigarettes. Yeah, because what would we do? Why would you do that?

That seems very fake, yeah, good point. Last one, hot sauce. Hot sauce, okay. Yeah, I what would we do? Why would you do that? Oh yeah, that seems very fake. Yeah. Good point. Last one, hot sauce. Hot sauce, okay. Yeah, I'm a bit of a heat seeker. Okay, we're back on board again. All right, here we go. Kimmy, are you something of a heat seeker?

Do you like spicy foods? Yes, I do. I love it. A, research has shown that over-consuming hot sauce can permanently numb your taste buds. B, hot sauce does not cause ulcers. C, the current world record holder for hottest pepper is Pepper X at more than 2.69 million Scoville heaters. does not cause ulcers. C, the current world record holder for hottest pepper

is Pepper X at more than 2.69 million Scoville heat units. Whoa. OK, I know B is true because my dad was told to stop eating hot sauce at the ER because he got a bit of an ulcer. Oh, no. It was that they were like, what have you been doing? And he was like, well, I did just go on a trip and drink a bunch of whiskey and eat a bunch of hot sauce. And they were like, what have you been doing? And he was like, well, I did just go on a trip and drink a bunch of whiskey and eat a bunch of hot sauce.

And they were like, okay. I think we nailed it. There's a hole in your stomach because of those two things. Sounds like a hell of a trip. Yeah. Yeah, man, you guys gotta hang out with my dad. That's awesome. Get holes in our stomachs?

Chugging Jack Daniels and crystal hot sauce. It's like a blast. I also feel like we have, we must have holes in our stomachs anyways, you and I, but you know, whatever. Yeah, sure. We'd be good to, we'd be good to go. You're fine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'd be good to get. Just don't eat Pepper X, which I also think sounds real, right? Pepper X does sound, it does sound like Elon's new pepper, but it is, it is a real pepper. Yeah, I didn't even think about the nexus of like, tech bro guys and like hot guy, like spice guys. pepper. Oh, god, yeah, I didn't even think about the nexus of tech bro guys and hot guy, like spice guys.

Yeah. Oh, man. It's definitely the same sort of guy, the hot sauce guy. The terrible guy I never want to meet. Exactly. Yeah. Trying to prove something with everything they do. What about Joe Hotter?

We like Joe Hotter. We like Joe Hotter of Hotter Sauce, of course. They're not all tech bros. Not all sauce guys are tech bros. But that's a different thing of like, hey, here's a spicy sauce. Here's a good, well-rounded, flavorful sauce that's also got some heat to it versus like,

this is the hottest fucking thing you could ever possibly eat. I don't need to try Pepper X ever in my life. Exactly. It's not some sort of like I'm some sort of pissing contest to say like, I can endure more spice than you. And like, I ain't going to have a super spicy pepper and be like, that's not some sort of like, like I'm, I'm, you know, some sort of pissing contest to say like, I can endure more spice than you. And like, I ain't gonna have a super spicy pepper and be like, that's not actually that spicy, you know? Like that's a, that's a different type of guy.

I think I'm gonna go one, one is a, hey, hey. Yeah, me too. Oops. Yeah, let's do it. We'll pick the same one. Why not? Hey, you know what? You are both right. You're both winners.

Congratulations. Let's go. You are correct. Pepper X, yes, is a real pepper. 2.69 million Scoville heat units. By comparison, an Abanero pepper averages around 100,000 Scoville units. Wow. Wow. Way hotter than it needs to be.

What was it? What did we get right? What was the truth? Research has shown that over consuming hot sauce can permanently nub your taste buds. Oh, that's not true. That's a fry. That's the fry.

That's the fry. Yeah, yeah. Got it. I said, I meant to say numb your taste buds. I kind of said nub your taste buds. No, that's not true. That's a fry. That's a fry. That's a fry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it. I said, I meant to say numb your taste buds. I kind of said nub your taste buds. No, we got it. Okay. Hey, just like a restaurant, if I have your feedback, let's open the feedback.

Today's email is from Corey from Glossal Park, Los Angeles. Corey writes, when we were very young, my sister and I loved hometown buffet. I remember taking home their weekly menu so I could convince my parents to go on the most exciting days. Thursday was rib day. For many years it was my favorite restaurant. At some point it dropped out of the family rotation.

One night probably around high school my parents surprised us with dinner at hometown buffet. We had to break it to our parents that we just weren't into it anymore. I think we went to Red Robin instead. What restaurant dropped off your favorite restaurant list as your taste buds matured, keep eating fresh? Great question. Thanks Corey, this is a great question. You know what, honestly, I had a similar relationship with hometown buffet specifically.

There's a hometown buffet in Lakewood, California by the Lakewood Mall that we would go to. And as a fat little boy, I loved it because I could get so much food. I could keep going back and back. And then later on, you're just like, this food is bad. This is like low quality food. And then later on, you're just like, this food is bad. This is like low quality food.

And they can sell you like six trays worth of it because they're making it for a 10 cents a unit or whatever the fuck, you know? It's really, so that was definitely a thing. Like as I've gotten older and my appetite has gotten smaller, I'm less interested in buffets in general. I can do like a, I would, you know, soup plantation has disappeared, but like that soup plantation I could do

because they had like soup and salad. And so like, it wasn't as much of an indulgence, but a place where it's like, how, like, like stuff yourself, I'm less into that. Right. I don't know if I have an answer for this and it's like maybe helpful because like, not helpful. It's maybe, I'm maybe in that lucky spot of like,

some of those changes that I, that I held dear to my heart I went away, which is sad. But also I'm like, oh, I never got to see them become, I never got to see my hero become the villain or something like that. But funny enough, Subway, which I did not, oh, actually I have, I do have answers, but they're all later in life stuff.

Because when I went back to Ithaca, there's a place called Deep E Dough. Yes, we've discussed Deep E Dough. We've discussed Deep E Dough. Wait, give us a refresher on what Deep E Dough is. Deep E Dough is like a calzone place, and they have a thing called the buffer zone, which is like a buffalo chicken calzone.

They have like 50 calzones, right? I'm looking at them because Ithaca alums know DP Doe. It's like- And they're open all night. Yeah. Yeah. They, they, they, you can get them delivered to like four or five AM, which I did happen quite a bit.

Why are they called DP Doe instead of like the zone? You feel like there's a, there's a more elegant pun. There is, there are like, there are things called like the zone in like, uh, like there are like, well, buffer zone. There's like a lot of different zones, but I don't know why it was called DP, though. I have no idea. But maybe the guy's name was DP or something. I have no idea.

Maybe that was it. It's their initials. The people that made it was a guy and his mom, Dan and Penny. That's cute. That is cute. That is cute. Still though, should have been like in the zone.

It would have been more catchy. Yeah. We don't know how bad Dan and Penny are, but it is cute. Right now it's cute. Right, it's adorable. Yeah. They have an ice station at their fucking, who knows?

Oh my God. They might be monsters. That's all I'm saying. Sure, anyone can be a monster. They opened in the 80s, so I want to believe that everybody was chiller in the 80s. Yeah. Yeah, they just super chill.

But when I went back to Ithaca and I went and spoke to some of Amelia's classmates, she didn't go. And she knew about it too, right Amelia? Isn't that a part of it? She didn't go. But she didn't know you at the time. Sure, but it was a sketch group from Ithaca. And then she also went on to tell me that she went to the Dave Franco and McLovin appearance

instead. Ooh. Hey, I worked on that. Oh, great. This is, I think I've said this on the podcast before. That was a branded campaign for like Verizon or whatever the fuck. Yes.

And so they had people, they had writers come in to like pitch on stuff they could do. Elizabeth Notice, my favorite professor, my screenwriting professor, I got back and I went to this talk and I was like, hi, Professor Nunes, this is Mike Mitchell. And she didn't remember who I was. And she was like, where's Mike Hanford?

She remembered Hanford, which of course, she remembered Hanford. How can you forget Hanford? And then I was like, oh, it's like kind of a good crew here. There was like 40 people and she's like, you should have seen it when Mick Lovett and Dave Franco were here. There was a line, this she's like, you should have seen it when Mick Lovett and Dave Franco were here. There was a line, this is also like a nice older woman

who's saying this. She's like, there was a line out the door and they chased them to their cars. And I was like, this sucks. Wow. While you're blacked out in a haze, chasing them to their car. I wonder, this is the thing, I was like,

just to deflate that a little bit, I wonder if the chasing them their cars was part of the Branded campaign. It probably was. I bet, this is the thing, I was like, just to deflate that a little bit, I wonder if the chasing them their cars was part of the branded campaign. It probably was. I bet that was a bit that someone wrote and they were like, they just got a bunch of unpaid college students to help them out

with something they shot and turned into an ad. Dave Franco and McLovin's Verizon campaign. Yeah. I went and spoke. Might have been T-Mobile. Doesn't matter. Sorry, apologies to T-Mobile. I went back and we in- T-Mobile. Doesn't matter. Sorry. Apologies to T-Mobile.

I went back and we... Kind of a harbinger of what we... The current day. Yeah. 100%. Everything's an ad now. Everything is an ad. And also, they were in the right to do it at that time, probably.

Maybe Dave Franco was borderline. But whatever, Franco. I'm not holding the T-Mobile campaign against you, Franco. Am I pissed at you for other reasons? Like how you got a way bigger crowd at Ithaca where I went? Yeah, a little annoyed. But me, Chris, and Jeff went there. And your buddies, Chris Van Arstaitlin and Jefferson

Dutton of the birthday boys. Also went to Ithaca. We spoke there, and it was nice. But I went back to my hotel, and I was like, I'm going to get a deepy dough and get a buffer zone. There's no way that this is like good. And I had it and it was fucking awesome. It was like so fucking good.

It was, I was like, this is like as good as I remember in college and I was, I did have some drinks to be fair, but I was like, it was fantastic. For me in LA, Wigs, this is the big one. There's actually three that I can think of. I never liked Subway as a boy, and then I started to like it. And now I'm like, I never really want Subway. I was sick a week ago and I like wanted just cheese on bread

and I got Subway and it worked. And I don't, people got mad, there was a couple of people who got too mad at us because of Subway and they were like, Subway's actually not bad. Actually, you can never tell what people are gonna get upset about. What are you talking about? Subway sucks. You don't have a fucking Subway and they're like, Subway's actually not bad. Actually, you can never tell what people are gonna get upset about. What are you talking about?

Subway sucks. You don't have a fucking Subway. Subway has gone through that. You're gonna get on the internet and you're gonna type that Subway is good? No, no, no. What are you doing with your time? This is one and only life.

What are you doing? They've made you eat yoga mat bread, cake bread, fake tuna. Like, it can be bad. Yeah, it sucks. There's a message board about our show that's not on Reddit, and I don't let people know about it because they're the good ones.

That's true. And someone on that board was upset about the stuff. What is this board? What are you talking about? And how did you find it? I ain't fucking telling you. How did you find these? How do you find these deep cut off social media forms about it?

I like these guys. I sometimes say hi to them. They're cool. Truth social? OK. I like these guys. I sometimes say hi to them. They're cool. Truth social? Okay. It's out of here. Everyone's just hitting, everyone's doing the, everyone's pulling off the noise better than I am.

My tongue is weak today. I can't do it today. I usually have a very strong, ugh, it's too dry up there. So, okay, sorry. Subway, one that I liked it and then it's faded. And then two for me, because it's funny, these are adult ones, but El Pollo Loco. Oh yeah, sure.

And Baja Fresh. Okay, yeah. Two that I'm like, those are like, if I went there now, I'd be like sad that I would not be happy getting either probably. Oh man, we went to El Pollo Loco a couple weeks ago. It was hit and I think El Pollo Loco is back. But Baja Fresh is a place that declined partly

because it was acquired by another one of these owners corporations. But Kimmy, I wanna get your answer. Oh, El Pollo Loco seems like a much cheaper quality plate, which is, and it has its place, don't get me wrong. Yeah. And like Jack in the Box, and like we were talking about Jack in the Box and what's happening

with Jack in the Box. I'd put it in a different category from Jack in the Box. And I think it's a place where also you can get like a working classic value meal. A big chicken for the week. I knew you were gonna say this this and I agree with that. I think that it is a good place for working class people and it is like, it's, you can get an affordable meal there.

I'm just saying like for what it is, like when we talk about like chicken, the quality of chicken, I just think of El Pollo Loco as like not being the highest quality. That's all. It's weird to have, to land here when our guest so eloquently described the chickens as deserving of our respect and they shouldn't be harvested for their meat. And yet. But I think we might need to revisit El Pollo Loco

because I think it's maybe. I'm so down to go back. It's maybe back. That's okay. My mom loves that place, so that's fair. I do love that they're, well, I never see commercials from them anymore, but it just is technically,

the crazy chicken is what they're saying. Yeah, I would play a local the jingle is really good. Yeah, it is great. Okay, is that- My answer? Yeah. Okay, here's what I got. So I recently, oh, in December,

I got a numero uno pizza. Wow. Because I remember those pizzas. That's where, like, all the cast parties growing up were at a numero uno pizzeria. And when I was little, eating that, I was like, this is so good. In December, I got it to meet up with some of my friends

that I used to do, like, plays with when I was little. And I was like, remember this? And everybody was like, we don't remember these cast parties. So it was actually a bad thing that I brought over. And then I was forced to eat a slice and it's so sweet. Oh wow. It's like really sweet pizza.

It's crazy you say- It's gross. It's crazy you say this answer because in that place when I first moved to Los Angeles, there was a subway El Pueblo logo and across the street was Numero Pizza. And in my head, I was like, Numero Ono Pizza is like the type of thing I was thinking, but for me, trying Numero Ono Pizza for the first time

gave me that feeling of like, oh, a lot of the pizza I liked when I was a kid was shitty. Like, that's, and that, I was just thinking that before you said it. It's crazy. Yeah, pizza I loved as a child, but this is gross. And here's another thing I was thinking of. I think Girl Scout cookies used to be good and now are bad.

Wow. I can completely buy that. I bet they- What's going on? I bet they've cheaped out on the ingredients or made them more processed or something. I bet that's happening. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. Cause I used to love those things.

You know what? I do think that they are like dry, or they're like a, or like they feel a little- It's just icky, tastes like a fake cookie. And it used to like be a cookie to me and it's not anymore. They're gross. Wow. Mm-hmm. I love, I love this take.

I wonder if anything's changed. Yeah. Also like there is like so much crossover, there was just a frosty with like a thin mist. The thin mist frosty, they're starting to license the Girl Scout cookies a little bit more and probably, you know, it's what they need to do to survive but it's a little bit of a bummer.

Lessens its wholesomeness to some degree, you know, when you see the little fucking Wendy's. Two great answers, but also our listeners might be furious. You never know. That's OK. And I don't care. Be mad at me. Yeah, that's a good way to, that's

why I should learn a lesson from you. I did think of another one for me, and this is just my palate changing over time and me liking sweets less. Last year, Mitch, we visited a Sea's Candy, which you may be, as someone also in Southern California, this is a West Coast chain. And I used to love it.

I used to look forward to Seize Candy so much. And now I'm just like, I don't really need to ever have this again. Wow. It's just these, all these chocolate novelties, it's just too much, right? That's funny, because there's like Phillips Candy House in Boston, but they also do make really good candy still, you know what I mean? Like, I'll get my mom like some dark chocolate turtles,

pecan turtles, which you could have. Yo, I should take you to Phillips. You would love it. I'm down. I think there's one left. I was gonna say, there's only a few of them. The one in Dorchester. There might be a couple more than that,

but there's not many left. Well, I gotta go. I'm flying to Boston just for this. Please, I would love whatever. Here I go. I would love for you to see Boston, a great city. I've been to Boston, love Boston. It's a fun city.

I have had a great time in Boston. Pizza, I think is a great answer because as a kid, sometimes you knew you were eating not as good pizza, but like all fun. It's like when you're a kid, a pizza is like a Harold. Even when it's bad, it's good. Whoa, what? Harold, sex and pizza, I hate that.

We've talked about this before because it's like even when it's bad it's good and you're like not true about sex or pizza, that's not true. It's just not a true thing. It's not true, yeah. Especially not true about the Harold. No. Definitely not true about the Harold. Even when it's good it's bad.

I don't want to see that shit. Yeah. I mean't want to see that shit. Yeah. I mean, none of that is shit. This is from trying to Alpern's book, Truth in Comedy. I don't know if you ever read that Improv Tome from back in the day. Last book I read. Um.

I think pizza is just like a great, because that like a sweet shitty sauce is like, as an adult, if you have that like Lunchables type sauce, like a marinara sauce, you're like, I shitty sauce. As an adult, if you have like that like lunchables type sauce, like a marinara sauce, you're like, I can't. What am I eating? You get past that at one point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good answer.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yeah, good answers. Hey, if you have a question or comment with the World of Chain restaurants, you can email us at feedback at birdfuck.com or leave us a voicemail at 830-GO-TO, that's 830-463-6844. Our producer is Emma Erdbrink.

Our associate producer is Amelia Moreno. Holding it down for our absent supervising video producer, Casey Donahue. Our video editor is Mike Dorfman. Doughboys apparel and merchandise you can find at kinshipgoods.com slash doughboys. And hey, to get the Doughboys double our weekly bonus episode, plus our entire 2018 back catalog,

subscribe at patreon.com slash doughboys. Right now over there, we are doing Mank3, Mation ImpaDoughboy. Give me a bit of pornia. Tweet 2018 back catalog. Subscribe at patreon.com slash doughboys. Right now over there, we are doing Mank 3, Mation Impadoble. Give me a bit of porno. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much. What a treat.

Please come back to the pod. It's so much fun. Oh, please. Yeah, we'll talk James Bond. Yeah. I'm horsing you too. I love it. Anything you would like to plug?

No, you can just follow me on Instagram at Trout Clown. If there's a plug there, you'll find it. There you go. But you know, there's nothing here now. Wow. There you go. Hey, that'll do it for this episode of Doughboys. Until next time, for the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell,

I'm Tiger Weiger. Happy eating. See ya. Hey, I'm Tony Hale. I'm Matt Oberg. And I'm Kristen Schall. And we're gonna be hosting the new podcast, The Extraordinarians, where we are going to be

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