Doughboys - Peet's Coffee with Chelsea Peretti

Episode Date: December 3, 2020

Chelsea Peretti (Big Mouth, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Phosphorescent Panic, Foam and Flotsam) makes her Doughboys debut and reviews Peet's Coffee. Plus, another edition of Treat or Skeet.Sources for this week's intro:Dutch East India Company | Facts, History, & Significance | BritannicaThe Dutch East India Company and the Rise of Intra-Asian Commerce | Nippon.comFood-Info.net> History of coffee (food-info.net)About Alfred Peet | Peet's CoffeeBitter Brew: The Stirring Reality of Coffee | Food Empowerment Project (foodispower.org)Nestlé admits slave labour risk on Brazil coffee plantations | Global development | The Guardian (foodispower.org)Advertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmWant more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a Head Gum Podcast. Much of our lives are dictated by the aims of a cabal of extra-legal entities whose power outstrips that of most nations, multinational corporations. And companies like Amazon, ExxonMobil, and JPMorgan Chase can thank their forebearer for their above-the-law status, the Dutch East India Company, which was a dominant economic force for much of the 17th and 18th centuries, and in all likelihood, was the largest corporation in world history. Like the apples of today, the Dutch East India Company exploited labor and natural resources

in the global south and east to bring luxuries to the west, and one luxury it's credited with mainstreaming in Europe is that hot brown beverage we know and love, coffee. Native to Yemen, in 1696 the Dutch brought coffee plants from Africa to colonial Indonesia, transforming the nation's agricultural sector. And today, Indonesia remains the fourth biggest coffee producer in the world. The country's preeminence in the global coffee trade, the word coffee is itself a lone word from Dutch, helps explain why it was a Dutch immigrant who brought gourmet coffee roasting to the United States via Northern California.

In 1968, this Netherlands native opened his eponymous coffee shop in the hip college town of Berkeley, California, and his hand-roasted beans were a hit with locals. By the 1980s it was a bay area chain and institution, and the dark roasting techniques popularized by the Berkeley-based cafe would directly influence the founders of Starbucks, itself now a multinational megalith. But despite coffee consumers becoming more discerning and sophisticated thanks to an enterprising Dutchman, the practices of the coffee trade unfortunately still seem anchored in the 17th century.

While fair trade labels are used to market high-end coffee brands to guilty rich liberals, according to the Food Empowerment Project, quote, coffee farmers typically earn only seven to 10% of the retail price of coffee, end quote. Even more harrowing as recently as 2016, Nestle, the world's largest multinational food corporation and something of a modern analog to the Dutch East India Company, effectively conceded that its coffee production likely involves child slavery. So the Dutch East India Company, defunct for over two centuries, continues to influence what we drink each and every day and how multinational corporations abuse human rights for their

own enrichment and for our own comfort. This week on Doe Boys, Pete's Coffee. Welcome to Doe Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger, along with my co-host, sloppy Joe Biden, the night spoon Mike Mitchell. Wow. What was that? What? You know, I think it's just combining sloppy Joe the food stuff with Joe Biden, the president

elect, allegedly. He's topical because he just won. He's topical. As of this record, he just won. This episode is coming out the first week of December, so we'll see what happens. Who knows? Weig's. I got to say, rest in peace to Tommy Heintzen, who passed away today.

I'm finding out from you right now. Wow. I found out from you that the NBA was shutting down on stage, the scariest moment of our lives. Tommy Heintzen, I'm sure you have some words to say, Mitch, a longtime Celtics announcer, but also a Hall of Fame player and coach, I believe, champion with the Celtics. Legend. Just one of the best.

The voice of the Celtics for so long, he ruled. Can I say one thing on Heintzen real quick? Yeah. Because the thing that- You love that you talked about Aaron Banes' hog. It's the funniest way I've ever heard someone describe someone having a big dick. He was broadcasting a game. He's talking about the Australian center, Aaron Banes, seeing him in the shower, and

he's like, he is really put together. He looked like all of Australia in there. Tommy was the man, and I am. I'm very bummed out about it. RIP. Amazing career. Hope you're hanging in there, Mitch. Wags also, it's a tough week because it's not to start the show on a sad note, but Alex

Trebek also passed away. RIP, Trebek. This episode is coming out three weeks from now, so it's just going to be reminding people of things they were bummed out about a fortnight ago. So his replacement will already be announced at this point. Yeah. Someone else will be in there. As a family growing up, we watched, I mean, every family watched Jeopardy a lot, but I

want to tell the story because one of the last great moments I had with my dad when he was sick in the hospital was he had had a great day, and then we watched Jeopardy, which we did almost every night at home when we were having dinner. My dad, like Trebek, had pancreatic cancer, and they both looked very good at their old age, even with cancer. He worked, my dad also worked right up until he passed away, but he had one last great day, and we watched Jeopardy, which we did at dinner almost every night, which a lot of Americans do anyways, but RIP to both of those two guys, they were great.

Why? Because it bumps me up. Two legends with esteemed careers, not something that will be said about us and our obituary. No, of course not. But they were both great. By the way, that roast was sent in by Anthony, roastspoonman at gmail.com. Thanks, Anthony. Here's a little, I'm nervous to do it.

We've got a guest who we're about to introduce. You're always nervous to do it. But the guest is going to not understand this and make fun of me, but that's fine. How to how to spoon nation, and here's a drop. Oh, God. Where have all the, where have all the Euro guys gone? Why? What?

What? Where? They got, they got snapped out of existence. All right. Pretty simple. Pretty straightforward. Just two pieces of audio there. Dear Mitch and Nick, I hope y'all will enjoy this short drop on a huge southern vegan fan

of the pod. Wow. And a huge southern vegan fan of the pod. Yes, we do exist. So Stoach, you guys finally reviewed Cookout and Waffle House last year. If you were ever in the South again, you got, you got to get some Bojangles. Many thanks, Phil. Thanks, Phil.

I wonder if Phil is just thinking about memories there, or if as a vegan, he actually has found a way to eat at these chains in the South. I'm curious. I don't think there'd be a, there'd be a way to do it at Cookout. Can I tell you something? I'm not that curious. I don't really care too much. All right.

You and I are different people. I would like to know. Why is Biden as Biden as president now? It's great. President-elect, allegedly. We'll see what happens when all the legal votes are counted. God, it's so, it's so fucking grim right now. It is terrible.

Do it. We all thought it was going to be over. The course, it's not over. It's no, it's never over. Did you, did you watch the victory speech, Swagger? I thought, yeah, sure. I thought it was, I was just like, that's what the guy is supposed to say. That's what a guy like you put in that position is supposed to say.

It's so unusual. No, no weird tangent about going on a date with Candice Bergen in 1989. It was just like, sure. Did you think it was weird that the drones spelled out time to come in the sky? The drones? The drones behind the fireworks. Oh, right, right. Yeah, it was weird.

It was, it was odd. Hey, you know what? Biden's first order of business, he's turned the Constitution to a scratch and sniff. He likes to smell things famously. Okay, let's check if our guest, let's see if our guest is still here. I mean, are we going to talk about who's dad died? I couldn't believe that was the opening like intro. I said, wait a minute.

You told me you're doing a fucking fast food podcast. Now I got to come in and I can't even tell which person's voice is saying their dad died. So I have to like, Chelsea, me, the one you know more, my dad, my dad, my dad died eight years ago. And then you go, you go, well, but so yeah, rest in peace, peace, both those dudes. I met that. I meant, oh, am I dad? Oh, all three of those dudes, I should have said, you weren't saying you're okay because

I was like, is he talking about his dad like that? Like would be bizarre. Yeah. No, all three of them. My dad died eight years ago. So yeah, I'm sorry, man. It's horrible. He's in a game of Jeopardy with Alec Trebek and Alec Trebek, Alec Trebek and Ruth Bader

Ginsburg and the rest of them up there and Tommy Hinesen. I'm trying to think of someone satanic. Yeah. Like who had a cult? The guy with the Kool-Aid is here. Jim Jones. Jim Jones is up there. Jim Jones.

Is he dead? Yeah. I think he's dead. Did he drink the Kool-Aid, right? Or did he shoot himself? I don't, you know what? I don't remember what exactly happened with a Jonestown massacre. That was a whole thing.

You know, I tried to watch like a doc about that and it was just, it was so crushingly dark. I actually couldn't even watch it. Oh, wow. It's really grim. I, yeah, I read a book about it. By the way, our guest today is an actor, writer and comedian for Big Mouth Brooklyn 1999 and has two coffee-themed EPs, Phosphorescent Panic and Foam and Flotsam, Streaming Now,

Chelsea Peretti. Thank you for being here, Chelsea. Thank you. Thank you. I, yeah, I read a book, I actually did a report on cults in high school and that was one of the, like I read like several books on the Jonestown massacre, but I forget the ins and outs. I know a congressman was assassinated going down there to their compound.

No, no. I don't think, I don't think he was assassinated. I think he was injured. Was he killed? Yeah, he was wounded. I don't think they killed him, but they like tried to. Yeah. Wild stuff.

I'm unpacking, like, I'm unpacking, but it's a terrible, you know, off the air, we realized that I ordered from the wrong place. Yeah. So I'm currently unpacking that incorrect order and then in about 45 minutes, my other shitty order will come and I got, it all leads me to the question, why do you guys do this? Isn't your generation supposed to be the environmentalists, the climate control people? You guys are fucking fast food. You're doing a show that focuses on fast food.

How dare you question us on this? How dare you not care about the earth? We do. We do. We talk about it all the time. The podcast is bad. Yeah. It's a, there's a, there's definitely a contradiction inherent here.

I mean, but like, yes, all this shit is wasteful and all these companies have awful labor practices and are, are by and large run by just absolutely awful people. But I mean, that's capitalism. Well, but come on, you're surely you're writing yourself out of responsibility here. I think my pitch, my pitch is that, now Biden is president. Would you agree? Biden is for sure a president. Okay.

I saw that logic by, by an extension of that logic. The environment is important, wouldn't you say there's a mandate to care about the environment? We, Nick and I, that, that is maybe our only, I mean, for me, it's one of not our only concerns, but that's one of my highest concerns is in long time climate change alarmist might commit from years and years ago before anyone was talking about it. Okay. Then it's really honestly, it is an option that you guys change course of your podcast and start to investigate health food as season two or whatever.

I don't know how many episodes you have. We've done this for five years now. Yeah. Yeah. Change course. It's time for you. And I, you see what your listeners have to say, but as being a rabble rouser, I want to suggest change course.

It's like that guy supersized me, but the opposite. You guys are forcing yourselves to order from every LA health food place and review it. You got a vegan Southerner listening. He'll be psyched and it's the way of the future. That vegan Southerner, I mean, he did send in a drop. No, you're, you know, look, we, we, we've decided to only do the podcast for two more years. That's what we have recently decided.

Okay. Two years of health food. We, yes. Look. Do you agree to do it? Yes. Yeah. Sure.

Okay. So in other news, can I say where I was supposed to order from? Yes. Please. So I was supposed to order from Pete's coffee, but I did order from the coffee bean because to me, I don't know if their logos are similar, but I just always think of them as the same place. So I fucked up.

A lot of similarities. There's a, there's a lot of similarities between the two, which I noticed today. So I just tried one thing from the coffee bean. It was absolutely disgusting. One sip and I'm out. It was, it was a cold oat milk, vanilla latte, but I don't know. I don't know what their milk is, but it's huge. It tastes like butter.

Okay. Actually, you kind of sold, you've kind of sold Nick and I a little bit on, on that. So now I ordered as a backup, a pumpkin latte with almond coconut milk. So I'm going to give that a try. All right. Let us know what you think. I, as, as, as far as LA coffee places go, I actually kind of do like coffee bean. This is also disgusting.

Oh, wow. Wow. It tastes like the color is pure orange, which we know that's not from a pumpkin. And the taste is that really bad almond milk thing. Wow. I also got some kettle brand chili lime potato chips. Now, those can't. I think that'll do you all right.

Yeah. Yeah, that can't be. That was my safety. Okay. Your Arizona state, if you will. I try to get in there. Not that good. Not that good.

Not that good. Now, what flavor, what flavor kettle chips are those, Chelsea? Ew. Chili lime. Oh, well. With avocado oil, but they're not tart at all. Ugh, gross. So that's three for three trash.

That's, that's a bummer. Are you, are you a Starbucks? Where do you normally get? Do you get a, do you get coffee at a local place, Chelsea? What do you do? I don't like, I actually avoid chains and yeah, I go to some local spots. Mm hmm. Okay.

I ordered their vegan, some kind of vegan nut banana bread maybe. This is the coffee bean. Am I doing this right? I'm just like trying to host your show. That's really annoying of me. I mean, it's pretty divergent from our normal format, but that's all right. Sorry, you tell me. People are going to love it.

People are going to love it. Well, first of all, we get, we like to hear some food background from you. Oh, okay. Yes. Well, if you know anything about my podcast, which, you know, is essentially sputtered to a halt because, uh, you know, who has time? Oh, honestly, when you look at the place that podcasts have gone to nowadays, like,

Are you talking about us? It's disgusting. Well, right. I haven't actually seen you guys doing this, but like, there's so many comedians where it's their whole identity now as their podcast and they post like 50 videos of hot takes a day. And like they sell all this corny merch related. It's just like, it's become such a like, for me, it's not what appealed to me

about podcasts. It's now like as corny as anything else you could do and everyone's delusional. Their fans make them feel like this, you know, emperor, but it's like everyone's like an emperor with no clothes and all their fans are like, you're so smart. Tell me more about science and they don't know fucking shit. Anyway. Well, I'll tell you this much. Nick and I, our fans don't think we're smart.

I'll say that. Okay. That's good. And also our fans, it's hard to call them fans because they don't really like us too much. No, they don't like the show in general. So we have an army of haters. Keeps you humble.

Yeah. I have seen that. I know that like some podcasters like animate their like segment or there's video. They like literally all these comedians have built like whole studios in their homes. It's just become a very slick and very commercial enterprise. I remember when everyone started getting websites, when I started doing stand up,

this is probably well before your time, but everyone was like, I remember it's not. Yeah. I think you're assuming you're much older than us. We're always, always. Oh, interesting. Well, anyway, Dmitri Martin, I remember he had like some crazy, like artistic, crazy website and you like click on an eyeball and you get your show dates or whatever.

And it's like, everyone was doing that. Now it's just like this time where you're just like this boom of website creation and it's like, it's over saturated and it just starts to all just be like, what do I have to click on to find what can you just list this shit? Like no one needs this much. You know, polish on a website. So I think, I think, I think a website in general. I mean, I've never had one, but that did my sketch group.

We had birthday boys.com. I believe you. Yes. Yes. And we did. I think we even made that later, but there was like a thing to like, oh, you should make like a website or I mean, it's the same thing with any trend. YouTube videos were a trend.

Wags for crying out loud at one point. Still going strong. Still going pretty strong. You got to change up the content a little bit, but Chelsea, I'm right there with you. I agree on a lot of this stuff, but I know, yeah, I've known you for a long time now through Harris and Armin mostly. Yeah. Two psychopaths.

I want to also say rest in peace to that dude. Like I said to my dad. Oh, absolutely. Throw him in with the dead dudes. Rest in peace, dude. But what was your point? You've known me a long time. I've known you a long time.

I was around early on in the, in the, in 2005, I came to Los Angeles. So, and Nick was around at that point too. So we've seen, and before that really, but we've seen the, we've seen the hell that's become comedy. It's bad. It's bad. You keep going and before that, and before that, and I was there for gold mining. I'm like, wait, wait a minute.

You're the oldest man alive. Nick, Nick is one of the oldest men alive, but I, but I two years older than you. I do. I mean, like he, I made a tweet. This is, this is when we, when we were talking the other day, I made a tweet about how the last four years, comedy's been so good. And then in direct to messages, you were like, has it been good? And I was like, no, I was just being sarcastic the whole time.

Yeah. A lot of people took it at face value. I never, no, for as, for as, you know, sarcastic as I myself can be, sometimes I really don't get it when people are being sarcastic. And I saw that tweet and I was like, Oh, maybe like I'm missing something or he thinks that, but it was, it was a huge relief when you were like, no, I'm, I'm not being genuine. Oh yeah. No, the last four years have been, have maybe been like, I feel like comedy barely exists

anymore. When you say that you don't consider yourself a standup anymore, I'm like, well, you don't consider that in a world where comedy barely even exists. You know what I got to say? It's, it's like, what's more fun than standup? Acting. Yeah. I don't know.

I don't know. I mean, they all have their ups and downs, but I do feel like it's, there's, there's always an element of terror with standup for me and not always, but a lot of times I feel like acting. I don't feel that as much. Yeah. And I got to say, I probably would always, I'd always prefer to watch a good movie than a good hour of standup.

Yeah, I agree with that. Don't, don't you feel like some, I mean, like, and I feel like this is a thing that, and I remember Harris used to feel like guilty about this too or whatever. And I think that it's stupid to feel guilty about it. But like, don't so many standups want to just be actors anyways? Like I, that is just the way it is. And then I feel like so many of them deny it. I'm like a real standup.

Yes. Yeah. LA is definitely like a mecca of that. Yeah. But even, you know, you're like big time standups or whatever, billboards or whatever, they do Star Wars shows and everyone wants to be, I feel like every, every standup wants to be an actor to some extent, but seems like it. But yeah, I don't know.

I mean, there's definitely standups that it's like their religion and they love it more than, more than they love acting, I would guess. Yeah. Chelsea, I wanted to ask you because you have to changing the subject. You have two, two coffee themed EPs. You are a, you are a coffee enthusiast. Yes. Do you, do you make coffee at home?

Do you go to local, you know, local breweries? I sure do. What do you do? Oh, I don't go anywhere because of the pandemic. Right. But I, I like small coffee shops. I like, yes, I do. At home, I tend to have just black coffee in the morning.

Okay. Yeah. I can hear you guys shivering in your boots. That's, that's my morning routine too. I don't think you fuck with black coffee, do you? No, I'm a black coffee guy. I'm a black coffee in the morning. I used to have a cup in the afternoon and then, you know, I have so much trouble sleeping

that I cut that out. Yeah. I'm not having any caffeine afternoon anymore. Maybe I should do that because I've been lately waking up at two or three in the morning, just boing. Yeah. That's bad. Late onset insomnia, I had that happen.

I have that happen a lot and it's, it's pretty, it's, it's pretty brutal. You just fucking white for the whole next day. Nick has a whole shutting down hour. You, you, you don't know about this Chelsea, but he, this is for real. He puts sunglasses on at night. That's true. And, and he, and he powers down basically. That's true.

Wait, so did a doctor recommend that? It's, yeah. Light therapy. Like Joe Rogan. No, but who recommended that? I met with a sleep specialist. I went, you know, I went to a number of doctors over the years, eventually found my way with a guy who is, he's a neurologist who specializes in sleep therapy and light therapy is what

he got me on. So for a time I had a fucking UV light visor that I would put on in the morning that would shine UV lights directly into my eye. And it was just so uncomfortable to wear. And you know, that doctor was like, yeah, you need this apparatus. It's going to run you $600 insurance will cover $2. And he's like, if you don't mind, send me a video of when the lights are fucking blazing in your eyes.

So I had that, that device for a while eventually broke. And then I, I found out I did some more research that basically you can get the same UV light from just sunlight. So I just go, I'll just expose myself to sunlight first thing in the morning. Yeah. It's like, it's a total fucking scam. And I'm like, I'm gonna do some research and the sun is always outside. It's actually better.

Yeah. I'm the president free. And then I can't believe this guy taught you and he thought that the root of your problems is the sunlight issue. Well, it's, I mean, so I do have a vitamin D deficiency. So over time I wasn't getting enough sunlight, but also I get a ton of sunlight now, but the, but the other, the other half of light therapy, which is the shutdown hour, as you called it, Mitch is putting on sunglasses at night.

Ideally you just want to be in a darkened room, but that's not practical. I live with my wife. We can't, you know, we can't just have the whole place be dark for an hour before I go to bed. So I put on sunglasses and then. Do you, do you wear a leather jacket too? I wish I could pull that off. You're marching all around your house.

Your wife is just like rolling her eyes while she's looking for a snack. She's rolling her eyes no matter what. That's for sure. You got that right, Ben. Nick's, Nick's, Nick's wife, Natalie, she knows Nick. She knows the deal with you. She knows what she is. She knows what she was getting into.

Yeah. So I had a, so I, but I also put my screens, no screens. This is the other thing I do for, for an hour before bed. No sky. I can look at a book or something, but my phone is, is off and out of sight and that, that helps me just sort of get to sleep. I mean, it's still, it's never perfect, but it's way better. Did you ever accidentally shine your bright UV lights to illuminate your

book and then it fucks you up and you have to start all over? Yeah. Yeah. That's a nightmare. It's all of a sudden six AM again. I've, I've never had a, no, I've been doing this for a while. I've been doing this for like five plus years, God, longer than that. I haven't done this for a long time and my sleep is better, not perfect.

It's never going to be perfect. But what are you going to do? I was just saying that the head doctor, like there's a lot more wrong with you than just that is what I was trying to say. Like he didn't, there was nothing else he said to you about just, you know, other things. Childhood trauma. It was a sleep specialist.

That's what we're doing. We're specifically addressing the sleep. They said that multiple times. All right. I just figured that. I mean, to me, if you went into a place like that, I feel like you should be putting the straight jacket in the padded room because you're a fucking, Chelsea, Nick is a strange man.

I'm a normal man. No, he's a strange guy. Chelsea. So you're from your, are you from the Bay Area? Is that correct? Yeah. Now, do you have any Bay favorites? Or do you have any, any childhood eats that you loved and that you miss

from up there? Absolutely. One that's on my mind a lot is Gordos. These are a local favorite burrito on Solano Ave and on college Avenue. And they might have some more outposts at this point. I don't know. I think they have one in San Francisco too, but definitely Oakland and Berkeley or no, is Solano Ave in Albany?

I don't know. Whatever. This got really fucking boring. No, you know what? No, this is great. No, people, people like direction. People like specific areas. They like this.

This is good. So anyway, that's one. Fenton's ice creamery is a major standard. What a standard of, um, I guess that's still in Oakland. Um, the black and tan was my childhood favorite. That's an ice cream Sunday. Hmm. That's also a drink.

Is it? Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Black and tan. Different, very different ingredients. What's in the Sunday? Um, I was hoping you wouldn't ask that.

I don't really remember. It was like some kind of definitely had, I think chocolate fudge and caramel. I think that was the black and tan aspect, but I, I forget what the ice creams were. I think it was some kind of almond, almond flavor ice cream. I'm looking at it right now. Black and tan Sunday. Oh yeah. Fenton's.

As a coffee enthusiast, do you like coffee ice cream? Love it. In fact, oh, you just reminded me that I ordered some from mozza. You might not have heard of it because it's not a fast food chain. But they have this like espresso gelato that's really sets off your afternoon. Right. And it's part of my new diet of being obese. Um, so anyway, but yes, um, other Bay area places, uh, mama's Royal Cafe.

Wow. Very close to Oakland technical high school, AKA Oakland tech. Very cool. That one is a dream in the, um, home fries category. A very crispy home fry with little pieces of green scallion in there and they dollop, um, some sour cream. They also have a little bit of chopped tomato in there. It's best home fries I've ever had.

Wow. That sounds fantastic. Sounds delightful. Yeah. I got, I got, I got the ingredient list on this black and tan Sunday according to Amy. I don't know who Amy is, but it's a toasted almond ice cream or vanilla or both. Yeah, both. I think your favorite fudge sauce.

It's so, so just a fudge sauce, a caramel sauce, whipped cream, chopped almonds and cherries. That is that fuck. Yes. That sounds so good. Yeah. That does sound very good. Black and tan Sunday.

You know, incidentally, there's an incredible, um, Sunday here at Tamo shanters. I don't know if you ever had it. Wow. Yes. I do know of this. Yes. Tamo shanters, a local, uh, local steakhouse with some history to a restaurant that's been around since the twenties owned by the Lowry's family.

Who's owned by the Lowry's former favorite of Walt Disney. Go ahead. Chelsea. Sorry. Uh, it's just an absolute triumph. The hot fudge is just everything you would want from a hot fudge. It's not synthetic tasting as some are when it's thick and it's rich. And then it's just covered in roasted almonds and vanilla ice cream classic,

but just really top notch. Damn. Well, I was about to pull a, going to pull a tube in over here. They do deliver. They do deliver. That sounds, that sounds fantastic. I believe that I've, I have had that. I love Tamo shanters.

Great. You ever stood at that Walt Disney table? I don't know which one is the Walt. They all look like some old Walt Disney tables. Don't they? Yeah. There's, there's one specifically that has like dinosaurs carved on it. And it's supposedly the Imagineers carved in like some like little cartoons on the,

on the actual table at the Walt Disney table. Okay. I don't even, I don't even know who the Imagineers are. So I might be out of my depth on this little cue. The Disney Imagineers. The other people who like early on came up with a lot of the designs for the cartoons and then the rides and stuff like that. I think it's changed over time, but the Imagineers were early on.

I think we're just like cartoonists basically, right? Or like the people behind a lot of Disney films back in the day when they, when they were good. He's holding it in. He's hiding it well, but Mitch is living it right now. I know. He's like supposedly whatchamacallit, these guys. He's trying to play it cool. So they say, so they say, I don't, I don't know all the details.

I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not mad at all. It's fine. He's got a little Imagineers patch on his jeans. It's a, Tamo Shander is, is that is one of my favorite restaurants in LA. And also partial basis for the, the, the seven dwarves for their, for their, their abode. I sound like that's right. Jesus. You know, you're, you're reminding me actually that I used to go to something half brow.

When I was in the Bay Area, there was something called a half brow. I have to ask my dad. And we went there one time with my dad and this guy, just a complete slob was eating some soup and he sneezed into it and then took another big bite of his soup. God damn it. That's fucking awful. And we were, of course, like how kids, it was just like uncontrollably laughing and trying to like hide it.

But I did that memory just came rushing back thinking about him. He sneezed into his soup. Yeah. And then, you know, just like so. That's fucking awful. That, that's so fucking gross. So visceral. So visceral.

You think of that in a COVID time. That's just, that's something you wouldn't want to see. That's a great point. Boat, was it Bogey? Was it Bogey's half brow? No. No, not Bogey. Sorry.

I want to say Sam's half brow, but that doesn't sound right. You feel like you need more character than just being like, I'm Sam. This is my half brow. That's a good point. Yeah. When I hear a story like you just told Chelsea about like a group of kids and then that memory staying with you for like decades of like seeing an adult do something embarrassing when you were little.

I think of myself as that adult and I'm just like, fuck, what, in what situation have I like tripped over a pine cone and some eight year old and his sister saw it and laughed their asses off all day and still talk about it like at her wedding. I bet you there's like some like, there's some kids who are like 11 or 12 who still talk about how they saw a man with a UV visor on five years ago through their window and they were walking by. Well while we're talking Bay Area Eats, we can pivot to Pete's Coffee this week's chain. Wow.

Spelled P-E-E-T. Yeah. Kind of annoying. You might be saying that's not how you spell Pete. Well that's because it's the last name of a Dutch immigrant, Alfred Pete founded Pete's Coffee in 1966 in Berkeley, California, credited with introducing hand-roasted gourmet coffee to the U.S. He also mentored the founders of Starbucks or a very big figure in American Coffee and Pete's today owns Stumptown, Intelligencia, and Mighty Leaf Tea, which is some other

brands. Wow. Chelsea, really? They own all those? They own all three of them. You might think Stumptown or Intelligencia is independent, but it's not. It's like how Blue Bottle is owned by Nestle. That's fucked up.

Although Pete's is not Nestle. But Chelsea, what is your connection to Pete's? Why did you want to discuss this, Jane? Well, I just wanted to get coffee because first of all, my cholesterol is high. It's just always been high and as I continue to just go deeper into pandemic eating, it's only gotten higher. I didn't want to order straight up fast food and so I thought this would be a healthy option. I could have coffee and maybe sample something else and then it would be a great tie-in to

plugging my coffee album, which I had my finger on the pulse of society and I released a coffee concept album right at the brink of the pandemic disaster. The funny thing is I literally spent eight months making this album. If you think of all the other better things I could have used my time for before going into an absolute state of disrepair and lockdown for the rest of my life. Anyway, so I thought it would be great. You got something before, you got it in before the pandemic happened. Just as it, I mean, I never even completed the album because let's face it, music producers

are filthy. Can't go into that studio till we've got the pandemic under control. That is true. That is very true. So have you not been ordering food at all basically or I know that you did? No, I have. You have, yeah. The first two months I was cooking every single meal and then once we felt like surfaces

weren't as much of an issue, we've never looked back. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think we sort of settled in a balance of, we say similarly we're doing all cooking and then when we could order, we're ordering too much and now we're kind of a balance of 70, 30 cooking at home, getting food takeout. I never do delivery.

Are you guys are both delivery people? Yeah, I am for sure. You never do delivery? I never do delivery. I like to go pick up. Oh, you go pick it up? I pick things up if I'm going to get food to go. Well, because I like to get out of the house, do I?

I'm going particularly stir crazy these days, so any excuse to get out of the house for a little bit. But then also, as far as cooking goes, yeah, I just kind of have my stable of proteins that I rotate through and make some protein and some green vegetable, occasionally a starch. It just depends. Well, you know that song, it's like, get out of my house and into my hospital. That's where you're headed if you go. Well, I'm not eating out at restaurants, I'm just picking up.

Well, if you're going in, you're definitely going to die. No, I'm just kidding. I don't know. I just, that old song came to mind. I had to sing it seemed really pertinent. Chels, you got some high cholesterol. I want to talk to this for a little bit here. I went to the doctor yesterday, actually, why?

Because I saw my sister's doctor because I have not been feeling well. But my cholesterol came down like 50 points this year. Look at you. How? Fish oil. I took fish oil a lot and tried to cut out fast food. Oh, you did cut out fast food? I mean, besides the show.

Yeah, the challenge of this podcast is you just have to neutralize the rest of your diet so that these meals don't, they're not just like part of a pattern, they're the deviants. I shouldn't say fast food, I should say more fried food. I tried to not eat as much fried food as I had been before. And still feel at it a lot of the time, but my cholesterol is still high. It's like 230, even with coming down the 50 points. Oh, wow, yours was like, you were on the brink of disaster. Yeah, I was bad, it was bad news.

Yeah. What's a good number? What do they say is healthy cholesterol? I think under 200, right? Yeah, under 200. Okay. You'll get there. Yeah.

Wait, so did your doctor tell you there was a correlation between taking fish oil and lowering your cholesterol? Fish oil, I guess taking an amount of fish oil a day can lower cholesterol. It is. Okay, well, I know, I never did that because I know someone who took fish oil and I felt like she smelled like fish. Ah, yes, yes, yes. She may have been taking like a cheap ass fish oil.

I doubt it. I doubt it. Oh, okay. Okay. So it's someone who's... A real ritzy dame. Oh, boy. Wow.

So you should tell me what kind you take and it doesn't taste gross and you don't burp fish oil. Those are my concerns. I don't burp the fish oil and it doesn't have much of a smell to me. I'll tell you what, if I burped fish oil, I would fucking kill myself. I can't... That's disgusting. The idea of burping fish oil or sweating a fishy smell, I'd rather just have a heart

attack when I'm a little bit younger than I'd like. I think that it doesn't... I think it doesn't smell and I agree with you. With my old fish oil, I would burp fish oil and it was disgusting. I know. I felt like a big frog or something. Frogs don't even fish. Even you saying that is so visceral.

I know. Well, it's especially disgusting for me. But what I take... Like I'm imagining your face like... This is fucked up. Real boss-nass situation. There's not a boss-nass situation. We don't even know what boss-nass ate anyways.

Chelsea, boss-nasses from episode one, The Phantom Menace. Nordic naturals. That's what I take. Nordic naturals. Like a D, lemon flavor. These were... So Nordic naturals. These were...

Lemon flavor. Also your porn-up search term. Double D's. Nordic naturals. Yeah. Nordic naturals. D's. These were suggested by Ryan Stanger.

Wags. Wow. Stanger of the Dumbbells podcast, famously healthy man, a former college athlete. Great, dude. Hi, Stanger. I know he listens to the show. Chelsea, get on those curvy Nordic naturals. They're the best.

Oh, I mean, I definitely am thinking about it. They've done well for me. They really... I went down about 50 points. My sister's doctor, a young lady, gave me a genital exam also. It was the most embarrassing few minutes of my entire life. What do you mean? Why did you need a genital exam?

I've just been having some issues and I told her, I was like, hey, it's a... I got a bit of... I said I have some shrinkage and then she said, hmm, there is some retraction. That's what she said. A shrinkage of your balls? Yes. Whoa. And what is it?

Caused by... I don't... We're figuring it out. Dear God. We can't get into it right now. Oh, my God. You went to the doctor over shrinkage? You have balls shrinkage?

No, it wasn't over shrinkage. I went to the doctor because I'm having stomach issues. There's a lot of things involved. While you were there, you figured you'd take care of this. Yes. All I want to tell you is that she said there was some retraction, which I thought was funny, empathetic. So you do have ball retraction?

Something is going on, but I wanted to jump out the window when it happened to me. My sister's doctor, but Nick, Mass General Hospital, I'm going to get it figured out. I've had some... The cause of testicular retraction is an overactive cremaster muscle. This thin muscle contains a pocket in which the testicle rests. When the cremaster muscle contracts, it pulls the testicle up into the groin. Huh. Sounds like my muscles are too big.

Can you stretch your cremaster? I'm going to try to stretch out my cremaster. I think, and maybe the problem with it has been stretching that cremaster a little too much, if you know what I'm saying. Cream master. Also, it says, fortunately, there's a very effective minor surgical treatment known as a microsurgical subanguennial cremaster muscle release, which releases this muscle to prevent this vigorous testicular retraction.

Now, hold on a second. You didn't look at the black and tan Sunday, and then you've looked all about the cremaster muscle. Is retractile testicle normal? Retractile testes function normally. They are palpable and not considered to be a true undescended testicle, so that's good. By the way, I think... 90% of retractile testicles will descend and relax into the scrotum during puberty.

I guess some kids have it retracted their whole lives. Wait, so you're reading about something that affects prepubescent boys. That's what Mitch is dealing with? No. Okay. The cremaster can also be contracted voluntarily by performing kegels. Can we stop talking about the cremaster? This was your tangent.

You started this whole thing. It wasn't just... I think the whole deal down there was retracted. I don't think it was just... Do you know that the cremaster is a new coffee drink at Pete's? I got it today. Well, should we tell... Well, you're Pete's...

Let's get into it. Well, well... Chelsea, your Pete's order is... Can you see where it is right now? If you get up here... Yeah, I like such terrible news. I have terrible news. Oh, God damn it.

Worst answer imaginable. What? 12 minutes away. Oh, wow. 12 minutes away. Well, you know what we can do? You and I can talk about our orders while we're waiting for Chelsea's to arrive and for her to taste test.

Chelsea, settle in. Just take a look at that cremaster page. Well, why don't I try this vegan bread from coffee bean? Yes, please do. Please do. Okay. My first thought, very dry. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, guess what? I also... I had an item that was also very dry from Pete's. So you were saying that there wasn't a lot of food to get from coffee bean, which I found to be the same thing for me. I went to... Nick, I went to Harvard Square.

It ties into this exam I had. But you're talking about Pete's now. You're not talking about coffee bean? I'm talking about Pete's. Yes. And you're talking about your cremaster. This is pro cremaster exam when I was very embarrassed with my general examination afterwards. I got in the car with my mom and we drove to Harvard Square.

Emma knows what I'm talking about. Hell yeah. So look, we tried to go to a few different Pete's. There was one that was just a part of Citibank in Boston and it was just in the bank. There was a Pete's that was in the bank and that was closed. And then there was another one that was on Tremont Street and my mom freaked out and didn't want to stop the car. And so...

Wait, why is that? Because it's right by... Emma, help us out here. It's right next to... You mean like the corner of Tremont-Boilston area? Yeah. Yes. Down there.

It's like a little... It's a little rough down there. Got it. There's also zero places to park unless you want to park in a parking garage under the Boston Commons, which is like $30 in an hour long ordeal. That's right. So the Boston Commons are on your right and then Pete's is on your left. There is a Boston Commons.

What the fuck? What is that? I only knew it was the name of a sitcom from the 90s. I didn't know that was an actual place. No, you watched it when you were in Boston. It's just that park. I was in the Boston Commons. How about that?

It's like half the Boston Commons, half the public garden. There's two different ones. Oh, okay. Are you out of your mind? What is this? Are you serious? I didn't know the name of it. I've been to Boston once in my life.

I didn't know. I didn't know the name of it. All right. Sorry. Fun fact, that's where back in the day, people used to let their animals graze when they were passing through the city. Wow. That was its original purpose.

That's really cool. Yeah. So I was right next to Emma's school, her old stomping grounds. And my mom didn't want to pull over. So we went to the one on Boylston Street, and then that one was the Citibank. And then we went to the one in Somerville, or Cambridge. It was actually in Harvard Square, basically. But I think maybe the address said, I don't know.

Look, it doesn't matter. We were in Harvard Square. We drove up to Pete's. There was not a lot of selection. We went in there. There was not a lot of food going on. No sandwiches, nothing like that. So here's what I got.

I got a few different things. I got myself a small hot chocolate, a medium iced vanilla latte, a medium strawberry lemon black tea shaker. This is from their tea shakers from that whole menu there, whatever the fuck it is. And then I got a chocolate chip cookie, and I got two chocolate croissants, one for my mom and one for myself, and then a medium mocha latte for my mom hot, and then a slice of banana bread. Wait, is this order fucking done yet?

Oh my God. And then a slice of banana bread. That is the last thing I got. Wow. All right. So the ice. Start with the, yeah, go for it. The ice vanilla latte, it was fine.

I mean, it wasn't great. I think that I, Chelsea, I think I like coffee beans ice vanilla latte more than I like peats. It was obviously like, it's like a very like simple place when you go in there, and I don't know if that's just because, I don't go into peats. I feel like this is the coffee shop I go into the least, but it's like very like, it feels like one of those like very modern coffee shops where there isn't even a lot in there when you go in.

Those like chemics, coffee makers or whatever up front, and then like nothing really else, like a very small display. And it's just like very bare bones. But the vanilla latte, the ice vanilla latte was pretty good. I actually enjoyed that strawberry black tea shaker. I thought that was maybe one of the, one of the better drinks. It was, it was, it was decent. A nice flavor to it.

It wasn't too sweet wigs, which was great. The ice vanilla latte was like kind of sweet, but it just didn't have a great flavor to it. My mom thought that the coffee tastes kind of burnt. And that's a Starbucks issue, a thing we talk about all the time, but on our visit, it did seem, I had a sip of her mocha latte and I thought it was okay, but it did have like a little bit of a burnt taste. Not as bad as-

It's a dark roast there. That's what they do for the most part. Not as bad as Starbucks, but the, the small hot chocolate. I thought that- Mitch, on that topic while you're saying that, Alfred Pete, the founder of Pete's Coffee, yeah, I mentioned he mentored the founders of Starbucks. He later disavowed any sort of relationship because he said the Starbucks owners were roasting their coffee too dark.

Wow. I agree with them. Their extra dark roast was, was not what his vision was. It's almost like sour with the Starbucks coffee. I don't, I hate Starbucks. Starbucks is one of my least favorite. And I know that- I don't like it either.

But I, and so I did enjoy the coffee more than Starbucks. The small hot chocolate, I got some whipped cream on there was tasty. The chocolate actually tasted good. And the only issue was, is that it was not super hot. And I took a sip of it right away. It was kind of like a, a little bit middling. It was not, it was like in the, like a medium temperature. Jesus Christ.

Right. Yeah. I got all thrown off on the cream master. I'm all fucked up here. Cream master. Go ahead and get yourself one. My order is six minutes away. Wow.

What did I, would you like to know what I ordered? Yes. Please. Heading to me in a blue Nissan Altima. Wow. I ordered a iced vanilla latte, flat, regular ice, almond milk, short pull, and small. I like it. I ordered an oatmeal with almonds.

I like it. Because that's vegan. Are you vegan? I ordered, oh fuck. What? Fuck. What? I keep doing this.

I accidentally ordered two of something. Oh yeah. That's okay. I ordered, cause I'll be like thinking about it and I'll put it in my cart and then I'll be like, yeah, I'll get that and then I'll put it in my cart and then I have, this keeps happening to me. I'm so fucking bummed. Two roasted tomato quinoa quiches.

And the only reason I got it is that I was like, I should just do it for this stupid fucking show. I would never order that. And now I have two of them coming and the worst part of all is it's crustless. Who wants crustless quiche? The crust is the only good part about it. The crust is the best part of it. They're like, our new crustless quiche.

Crustless quiche. You mean scrambled fucking eggs? Like, how is that anything? I agree with that. That's very, I don't even know why that exists, but Chelsea, excuse me, you said stupid fucking show, Nick. Oh, sorry. Nick, let's stand up for the show.

I'm not going to stand up for the show. God damn it. I got to stand to rights. Come on, do it. Come on, dude. Let's do this. Come on, Nick. Not that strong.

She's near to breaking. All it would take is a slight pushback. Good God. And then he remains quiet. I have a... Go on, Mitch. I was going to talk about quickly about the two chocolate croissants. I like the chocolate croissant.

I like the coffee bean chocolate croissant actually, Chelsea, I don't know if you got it. No, I didn't. They'll heat it up for you in a little oven there. The pizza's okay, but it was kind of the same thing of the hot chocolate, the ingredients tasted good and it was just a little cool, but this one, it had a nice taste to it, but the chocolate wasn't as good as the one from coffee bean. I just didn't enjoy it as much.

It was not nearly as good, but I got a chocolate chip cookie and I thought that was actually really, really good. I ate it that night after dinner as a dessert and I thought that was great. The banana bread, I heated it up in the microwave and put some butter on it, but I thought it was just really plain. I thought it was just boring. Like Chelsea, you're saying scrambled eggs or something, it was just like a boring piece of banana bread that tasted fine and dry.

You're reminding me that I actually did try to order a chocolate brownie from Pete's. It said it was vegan and then the guy messaged me as this always happens when the one thing you really want, and he's like, they don't have those anymore. They discontinued them. I'm like, great. Great. That's fucked up. Another loss for vegan eaters.

Yeah. Wait, so are you vegan? No, but I actually do try to be vegan adjacent a lot of the time. Wow. Do you eat meat at all? I do. Unfortunately, I'm surrounded by meat lovers, but I'm not even that into meat. My main indulgences are cheese and carbs.

Yeah, I'm with you. Yeah. Those are my two favorites. I love pasta. I love cheese. So, but meat too, I could give up meat and it probably will help my cholesterol a good amount, but giving up dairy is major. So what I've done in the past is eat vegan during the week and then on the weekend eat

what I want. But when you talk to really fit people, they're not like, yeah, you can eat what you want all weekend. You can eat one meal that isn't healthy per week. Right. I mean, I don't know. Is that a life you want to live? I mean, certainly not us.

Yeah. I just feel like vegan breads and vegan cheeses. I could do vegetarian before. Vegan is just 100% vegan stuff. No, there's actually, you know what? You're actually wrong. But I don't know how healthy vegan cheese is, but there's this Kite Hill vegan chive spreadable cheese.

It's actually incredible. It's made out of almond milk and you can, it's so good on crackers and I love that. It's just that I don't know if that's actually good for your cholesterol just because it's made out of almonds, you know? Right. Yeah. Well, I'll talk through my Pete's order real quick. So first thing I'll say is I use the Pete's app.

I'm not sure if either of you use the Pete's app, their branded app. No way. No way. Their app is crap. I had heard the app was good and then Natalie said, oh, I think their app is good and I got it and I was like, this app sucks. She was like, oh wait, I was thinking the Phil's app. Phil's a different coffee chain.

Oh yeah. Phil's is great. Phil's is a Bay Area coffee chain. Yeah. Another one like Pete started in the Bay Area. So the app, the Pete's app sucks. You can use Apple Pay, but only to add to your balance. You can't directly pay with it.

So you have to like buy a gift card and then pay with your gift card and then if you tip, you have to use a separate card to tip. It's so convoluted. That sounds great. Yeah. It was a nightmare. It's like, hey, I need a coffee before I can use your coffee app. You know what?

Yes. No, go on, please. Well you sounded like you were really rounding up to like a, winding up to like a grand finale to your app. Oh no. No, we never really do. Oh. No.

I was just going to say, you're reminding me that I think when I taped my one hour special in San Francisco, Phil's delivered, Phil's was on hand giving coffee to my audience members. Wow. Wow. I don't know. In retrospect, that might have been a bad idea. I mean, I think there's probably a reason people drink alcohol at parties. You don't want people like shitting their pants and super agitated.

Shout out to Phil's. Shout out to Phil's. We like Phil's. The inverse of the, although I think they may have some labor issues. The inverse of the app though is that the mobile contact list pickup they have there is a breeze. They just had the table set up. They were, their designated name was, it was super easy to zero in on my order and pick

it up. I was in and out in five seconds. Good wise, I got the turkey sausage breakfast burrito and the maple pecan scone or scone, depending on how you want to say it. Scone. People say scone. People say scone. I've heard scone.

No. I think scone is okay. No. I don't think that's, I've never heard that. I don't, I don't think. I'm not going to die on this hill, but I've heard, but I have heard scone, but I'll say scone because that's how I normally say it. So anyway, the maple pecan scone or scone is.

No, don't say or scone. It was so dry. It was like biting. I'd like, to me, it was like biting into a sandbag. It was, it was just so, so dry. I just felt like I was tasting grain. It did have a great maple flavor from the icing and some sparsely distributed pecans that gave it a little bit of crunch, which was nice, but the body of the scone or scone was

too bone dry to enjoy or bond dry. I would say I'd rather have a maple bar donut. Or hey, I guess you could say instead of dry, you could say dre, right? We're just making up fucking ways to say words. Yeah, say whatever the fuck you want, Wiger. Yeah, I guess we're able to just create alternate pronunciations for any word you like. My delivery is pulling up here. Wonderful.

Wow. This is big. How exciting. Breaking shoes. Is this the first time this has ever played out like this? We've done this a number of times. All right. Well, look.

I thought we'd grab a number of times. I thought this was shit on our parade. I know. I thought this was something fun and exciting. It's not totally unprecedented, but it is unusual. I'll give you that. The first time we've done this in quarantine. So that's something.

All right. Great. The breakfast burrito is turkey sausage, cage-free eggs, roasted potatoes with sweet onion, red pepper, and melty cheese available to hot sauce. I asked for hot sauce. The hot sauce was not included. It was a little disappointed as I'm something going to eat something, but that's okay. Oh, that is the worst.

Yeah. That's bad. No sauce, no deal. You give me a full refund. Kind of a bummer. That said, nice build to the tortilla, which I liked. The first couple bites of the burrito was just tortilla and egg, which is pretty unpleasant for a breakfast burrito.

But once again, the body of it had a good cheesiness, nicely seasoned sausage. Again, wish I had the hot sauce there. The potatoes were completely unnecessary, but it was fine. I would say this would be a good airport breakfast, which is damning with faint praise. This show is outrageous. Look, this show is outrageous. Chelsea, we know what we're doing here. We understand.

You just made what I know for a fact is a shitty burrito. Sound good. You're like, cheesy, red, roasted, red peppers, the roast potatoes. Oh, it's like, how dare you? I know that thing was nasty and you drived it like it was good. Oh, I feel so dirty. That was fine. I would not say it was nasty, but it was fine.

That's the worst thing food can be. Interesting. And theater, by the way. Wow. I'll take a bad theater or a very good theater over fine theater any goddamn day of the week. Pardon my French. Don't give me serviceable theater. That's hell on earth.

Oh, so many. Oh, here we go. Chelsea stashes here. What do you have? The bag of truth, a.k.a. Mitchell's Balsat. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Did you spill? Oh, it's sideways. Oh, no. What a nightmare for a coffee order sideways. Oh, God. Oh, my God. So many.

Was it spilling out? Yeah. All over my floor. Can you guys pay for that? To get clean? While you're offering to pay for all these fucking things. Listen, we'll sit, we'll, we'll send over a you song, who was one of our former employees. Yeah.

Are we dealing with hardwood or carpet? I can't let anyone into the premises. That's fair. So here's the deal. I already am not on board with this iced beverage, not only because it spilled halfway across my floor as it was left sideways in a paper bag on my mailbox. But I also, by eyeballing it, I can tell I'm not going to like it because the proportion of milk to coffee is not where I'd like it to be.

And as a coffee drinker, you never want to see 90% milky and I was going to say 1%. But that doesn't add up. 1% dark coffee. So too much milk is that's, that's a deal breaker for you. You don't like. Yeah. Okay. I also ordered an aqua panna hoping it would be in a glass jar.

Nope. It's in plastic. And what else is this? Oh, the fucking quiche. Gross. Ew. I would laugh very much if you don't end up tasting or eating or drinking any of this order. Well, we're already in the ballpark and my floor is literally covered.

This, this bag as I lift it, coffee is pouring. Wow. Do you want to go get a towel or something? Coffee is pouring all over my floor. Great delivery. Great delivery. This is great. Wow.

Yeah. I need to take a picture to show you. It seems like this person. Yes. Just kind of left, just kind of left it at your door, not thinking there were drinks in it or something. There's something weird happening. You're delivering a coffee.

Yeah. I mean, listen, I'm going to send you a picture of this. But the main thing is now I have two disgusting quiches and a water bottle that's plastic. I don't even like drinking out of plastic. Yeah. For the environment, something that your generation is supposed to be at the forefront of. We're the same generation. I think we're the same generation.

Yeah. Remember old Mitch? I was around. Do you remember old Mitch? I don't know. I don't know. Oh, wow. There you guys are.

Wow. Chelsea has turned her camera on. She's been in the darkness all time. I actually fully forgot that I was going to redo that. But look. Wow. All right. We're seeing the third left in that.

That's trash. No, there's not a third left. There's a lot left. Oh, there's a lot left. I'm sorry. I see what's going on. I was just seeing the dark part. Let me show you my floor.

Let me show you my floor. All right. Chelsea is turning your camera down to the floor. Yeah. There is just a huge. There's a lot of milk there. There's a lot of milk there. Yeah.

Yeah. There's even hardwood. Very familiar in the Mitchell household. An entire gallon of milk on my floor. Man. It's gnarly. A tire, tire, gallon of milk on the floor. That's that's something in the Weigher household.

All right. You got those big loads. Wags. I've got big loads. The cream master that's tensing up. The faulty cream master. Chelsea, I should have warned you before you did this. We're a bit of a messy podcast.

It gets messy. Fucking shit. It gets a little messy. Like I've basically like I just wasted money and time on this podcast. I haven't even had lunch. No, you're going to get the dough boys bump. It's going to be great.

Well, first of all, eat one of those. Eat one of those. So now I've just had to mop my entire floor. You got to eat one of these quiches. All right. Okay. Look how gross these quiches look. Hold on.

I want you to try to take a sip of something even though I don't think you will. Well, I mean, here's this. I don't know why it's not even stirring. Hold on. I guess I got to get a like. Yeah. This looks like a black and tan.

There's a layer of milk. Yeah. It looks like a fudge at the bottom. Yeah. Oh, there it goes. Chelsea's mixing it up. Getting stirred up now. Now becoming sort of a tan beverage.

All right. There's swirling on Mike. And there's a taste being taken. It's incredible. It's actually incredible. What? What? That's incredible?

What a twist. It's really good. It's like an old Henry story. It's actually really good. You hated everything you got from Coffee Bean. There was no way I thought you would like that at all. I can't remember what I ordered. Where's your mic, by the way?

Did you lose your... I'm trying to... Oh, Jesus Christ. Something just dropped. Your camera just dropped? Phone just dropped. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Okay, here. So... This is a debacle. Everything I do is, okay? That's what you're getting if you're getting into business with me. This is great. Now, that is really good. That's good?

I have to say, I can't remember what milk I got. Didn't you get... I think you got almond milk. I'm pretty sure you got almond milk. Well, that's good. Then theirs isn't disgusting. Okay, here's this fucking... Here's this quiche.

Wow. Oh, those are hefty. It looks... So it's a circular form factor. It looks like a donut, actually. It looks like a savory donut. Chelsea's snacking on it for a second here. That is a...

It's good. Wow. It's good. Wow. Wow. Wow, this blows my mind. Shyamalan shit here. Twist everywhere.

That's... The food is actually delectable. Shyamalan. That's so funny to describe something this fucking boring. But I'm actually... I am in true shock because... Wow. Maybe it's just that it kind of worked in its favor that it took so long and I haven't

eaten anything today. Mmm, yeah. Right. But this is good. And I'm not one... Like, if I don't think something tastes good, I just don't eat it. Yeah. You're taking several bites.

You're going back for more. The quiche is good. I have an extra one if one of you wants it. And this... What is this? It was a vanilla latte, right? Oh, yes. Iced vanilla latte.

Hold on. I got to see if I have the receipt. Actually, I'll bring you with me. All right. Chelsea is going to go get the receipt. Or you can check the order on your phone as well. I know, but I just thought this might be easier, but maybe you're right. No, you're...

You might be right as well. All right. We're following the camera here in motion. We're actually going... Wow. The shot going inside the bag. We're inside the bag. Barry David Fincher-esque.

Yes. Look. Wow. Oh, there's still... There's more milk. More milk. I mean, this is a nightmare. Oh, I'm just tracking it everywhere.

What a mess. I can't even go near that bag. Okay. Dear Lord. Let me see if... Let me see if the order... Okay. We've lost picture here.

I'm tipping 20%. I want to say, even though that was just abysmal delivery. You got it. You got it. You got it. Okay. Okay. So what did I get?

Hey, I didn't get oatmeal. No oatmeal. It didn't come right. Yeah. You mentioned it. I didn't get oatmeal. Wow. So that's one thing.

That's shocking omission. I got the water. Oh, ice vanilla. Oh, yeah. Ice vanilla. Flat. Regular ice. Almond milk.

Short pole. Small. Fucking bomb. Wow. Wow. There you go. You go into peach. You got your order made out for you.

And you know what? It's been a while since I've gotten peach, but this is a good reminder of why I used to go there. Wow. That's a good coffee. Wow. I mean, always, I always encourage people to go with the short pole. Short pole.

That's just a little less espresso. Big bite has just been taken by Chelsea. I think short pole, I think short pole relates to the syrup. Oh, the syrup. Okay. But maybe I'm wrong. I don't know either. Hey, Mike, do you say syrup or syrup?

I say syrup. I'm syrup. Syrup. Syrup. Emma. I think I say syrup, but I can never remember when people ask me that. I'm like, I don't know what I say. Where are you from?

I'm from New Hampshire. Yeah. I don't know why people ask me that. But Mitch is from Boston. So if you say syrup, syrup, syrup. I think syrup sounds ridiculous. Maple syrup. Maple syrup.

Syrup. I think you say syrup. Oh, I'm syrup. Maple syrup. It sounds like you're like a weirdo. I say syrup. Oh, can I have some maple syrup? Syrup.

Syrup. Syrup. I don't know. It's like scone and scone. Both are fine. Syrup. Syrup. Syrup.

When is outrageous? Syrup. Syrup. Am I saying it right? Syrup. Syrup. You're saying it fine. I admit you and I are on the same page.

Do you say aunt or aunt? Aunt. Auntie aunt. Auntie aunt. Aunt. You say auntie aunt. Which one? Folks, I think we got a people pleaser.

Auntie Masha. That's my auntie Masha. Auntie Masha is one of my aunts. So you say aunt. Aunt, yeah. Yeah, me too. I was aunt for a long time. I think I'm an aunt convert late in life.

I think I've been saying aunt lately. So maybe there's still hope for syrup. Yeah, it's true. Well, we should get to our final thoughts on Pete's. So Chelsea, what we do now is just give a submission of our thoughts on this chain based off this experience and previous experiences and then end this closing argument, if you will, by giving it a rating from zero to five forks.

Chelsea, you're our guest. We'll begin with you. All right. So first of all, I have to include a slight hat tip to, or what's the opposite of a hat tip, a pants drop to the coffee bean because I accidentally ordered it because the branding is similar to Pete's in my mind. Anyhow, coffee bean was pure trash.

Every single item I got was. Wow. Although I didn't, I didn't try these. I did order chocolate almonds. But you know, I think a lot of times coffee these days comes down to your milk alternatives. You got to have the good, the good oat milk, the good almond milk. And the one I got from coffee bean, those milks were bad.

Maybe I ordered the wrong thing. I don't know, but we're going to go on over to Pete's now. Pete's, I don't know what they're, I don't know what they're using in their vanilla, but it's a fucking amazing. Wow. Wow. And I don't know which one it was because I almost ordered it. One of themselves, their vanilla flavor.

I think it might be Pete's and now I wish I got it. Yeah. Anyhow, the vanilla and their almond milk tastes great. I don't even taste to the point where I'm like, I wonder if they forgot to put almond milk. Wow. It's possible. Yeah.

They did, they did forget your oatmeal as well. So it is possible. Yeah. Oops. I just burped. So, so I have to say the milk is great. The level of vanilla flavor is good, really good. And this little Crestless quiche for all my bulking, do you say

balking, bulky or balking? I say bulky. Balking. For all my bulky, this Crestless quiche actually packs a punch. It's got some good flavor. I don't think it's great for my cholesterol. It has fontina cheese in it. But as you can see here, it's got some kale in there, probably

not organic. So full of pesticides and some egg, but it's got a little crispy edge. It does look pretty crispy for, it doesn't look as scrambled baggy as I thought. It's dense and it's flavorful and it's got a crispy edge. So in a pinch, that's good to know about. Yeah.

A vanilla latte and that and you're, you're running somewhere. Oh, I got to make a Hollywood general meeting. I got, I don't want to be late to this general. Hey, now you're talking our language, right, Nick? I got to hear what this, this production company, what their goals are and I'll tell them what my goals are generally speaking. Hey, if Holly was listening, Nick and I will take any general

meeting you got, right, Nick? I'm ready. I'm all ears. Okay. So would you, would you meet in person during COVID? Hey, if it was for a Hollywood general meeting, yes. Of course. Pickles E.

Hollywood generals, you heard them. That would be a good reality show. Anyway, it's a good compact, quick snack, great coffee. That's going to push coffee bean into the trash heap and peats into my, oh yeah, I forgot about peats. I guess I could go there in a pinch. Yeah. Except I'm trying not to eat the eggs.

Now on a one to five rating. Yes. Yeah, one to five forks. You can do halves too as well or quarters even. Oh, three and a half. It's not that great. Three and a half. Yup.

Three and a half forks. Decent score though. Decent score. I mean, I'm not, that's not on par with like a restaurant, you know, but for a coffee place. Now I would give five forks to my local coffee place. I literally just saw a squirrel jump out of my tree. Wow.

Like five feet. That rules. That's fucking awesome. He's going hard. I saw a squirrel do a back flip once. I was like, this is the fucking best shit I've ever seen. I was like, I'm going to tell people this. They're not going to believe it.

They're living their best life. They're fucking great. When I worked at the Simpsons, there was a squirrel that would come up and eat nuts out of your hands. Wow. Yeah. I got news for you that wasn't a squirrel. This little squirrel, he would, he would visit,

he visited like on a daily basis. It was very strange and he come up and he would just, he would come up and he put his hands on your legs. Wow. And I would feed him nuts and then someone was like, he's probably sick, that squirrel. And then eventually, eventually he just stopped coming around, which I thought maybe he was gone for good.

Or, you know, he went off and ran and started a squirrel family somewhere. That's probably what it was. Three and a half forks. Pretty good, Chels. I like coffee being more than pizza, but look. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. But look, I might have to put the COVID stamp on this one

because a lot of the options, I try to get, I try to get to one near the commons and my mom was too afraid to stop the car. And then the one on Boyle Street was in a bank. And then finally, when I went to this one in Harvard Square, the actual food was, there was not a lot of food, but Nick, it's what I had to go by. You know what I mean?

There weren't making any hot food. So I thought that there was some good taste. I thought the hot chocolate tastes good. I like that tea. And the vanilla latte, the vanilla, that actually does look pretty decent, that quiche bite. Chels, he's holding the key. He shoved to her camera as Mitch does.

The vanilla latte did not blow me away. It didn't blow me away as much as other things. The banana bread was very boring. That chocolate croissant. What's an exciting banana bread? That's fair. You know what? Maybe it doesn't help that we had our next door neighbor,

Patty Stearns, brought over some banana bread the other day and it was really good. No, no, actually. That sounds pretty exciting. Yeah. Yeah. I take back what I said actually, like, of course, a shitty coffee chain banana bread is going to suck.

Yeah. And your neighbor, Patty, whatever the hell, McGillicuddy. Making some incredible banana bread. I don't know. I misspoke. I don't know why I would have said that. Patty Stearns, thank you very much. Wow.

She brought over banana bread with, there was chocolate chips in it too. It was very good. This banana bread was just okay to, it was kind of dry, not great. I mean, it wasn't even okay. It was, Chelsea, you know what it was? It was fine.

No. Yeah, the worst. It was fine. And then those chocolate croissants were, they were good. They were, I feel like I had better chocolate croissants too. When I, when I, when I microwaved, when I microwaved it for a couple seconds, it was better. And I do enjoy the coffee bean chocolate croissant, though I've had a bad coffee

chocolate croissant from coffee bean as well. I'm shocked that you're taking the TLC to like heat up shitty cafe baked goods. Yeah. No, I know. Like a coffee shop banana bread. I'm not even going to bother trying to like heat it and put butter on it. It's like, save that for your friend, Patty Stearns. Yeah, that's true.

I agree. I agree with that hers. I did. And I, you know, I did heat hers up and put a little butter on it. It was fantastic. I, uh, What don't you heat up and put a little butter on it? Am I right folks?

That's why I got that 230 cholesterol and my balls were attracted. And that chocolate chip cookie, like I said, it was, it was good. There was some good taste there. It wasn't all bad. I got to put the COVID. Do you know why your testicles are pulling inward? Because they're trying to protect themselves from when you fall over from your stroke. That is, that is a lot of that stuff can be related.

They said, uh, so it's like, It's like, it's like your body's equivalent of yelling timber. Dear God, I, uh, I, uh, I, I, I got to put a COVID stamp on. I think my Spoo Man bite of the night. Man, it would have been that hot chocolate if it was or sip of the sip of the what sip? Spoo Man sip of the trip. Sip of the trip. Thank you Emma.

The trip. Spoo Man sip of the trip. I love that, that hot chocolate and the bite of the night is that chocolate chip cookie. Wow. But I got to put a COVID stamp on this one. Why? It gets the COVID stamp. Meaning that it was at service and offerings were so affected by the COVID pandemic, more

so than even other chains we've reviewed. I felt like this had a little bit of a COVID stamp on it. I, I, I, uh, and we've never reviewed this place before. Chelsea, this is a new, this is a new stop. This is a new spot for us on the podcast. So right now I'm going to give it a 2.75 forks. Wow. Two forks three times.

2.75? 2.75 forks. Two forks three times to Pete's. Well, that makes me feel like I should lower mine. No, I think your score is fine. You're overthinking. Yours is good. Yeah.

Um, it's also based on previous experiences. So you can factor those in. I'll, I'll just say the, uh, recap the, the app is crap, uh, but, but pickup was a breeze. The burrito was fine. The scone or scone was bad. Uh, I didn't get to my drinks. I'll talk. I'll say these real quick.

The burrito was fine. The scone was bad. What are you guys doing with your life? The, uh, the, my drinks, I didn't get to the snow cap. I used to mint, uh, macho latte, which was, I, I took a sip of this and went yuck. I thought it was gross. Macho lattes are usually gross. A lot of times.

I will, I like machos. You, you did an audible yuck. I did an audible look in my car by myself. The matcha is okay, but the combo of mint and matcha just feels like it's just the, the, the point of connection is they're both green. It doesn't make any sense as a flavor combo. And, uh, I thought it was well-prepared, but a failed concept. I wrote down my notes.

Bad drink. Didn't like it. Uh, and I also got a holiday spice latte, which was hot. So this is, uh, is cinnamon, ginger, gloves, nutmeg with espresso and steamed milk. Good spice. Not too sweet. Like the nutmeg or et cetera. It was a little too drinkable.

Sometimes you get those, those, you know, spiced lattes and you can just sort of chug them where I like to sip my coffee a little bit. But at its base, I had a good cup of coffee, but the drink that really made it worth the trip is what I've been sipping this entire podcast out of my Tumblr. Wow. This is like an M night Shyamalan. Yeah. You were drinking it all the time.

This, my friends, is the prestige. I had the Columbia Luminosa world blend whole beans, which I took home, ground myself and prepared in my own brewer. Uh, this is notes of passion flower, passion flower and stone fruit. Wow. Chelsea is holding up her bag of beans, Bali blue moon beans from the coffee bean and tea leaf. This is a delightful roast.

I'll have to come back on to tell you how they were. Please. Uh, this is, this is a, this is a delightful cup of coffee. Uh, I thought, I think this is great. And that's the reason you go to Pete's is to get coffee, all that other bullshit. Don't worry about it. Uh, and so I think Pete's does coffee competently enough where it deserves a right down the middle rating of three forks.

Wow. Three forks. But if you're in a pinch, guys, remember the quiche ain't half bad. The quiche ain't half bad. And in this world of chain restaurants, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's a good way to remember it. On that note, Chelsea pretty, thank you so much for joining us being so generous with your

honor of a lifetime. It's an honor of a lifetime. Thank you guys. Do you mean that? Before you leave, we have to know if you mean that. Well, it depends. If I die tomorrow, I guess it might, the odds are better. The EPs, foam and flotsam, phosphorescent panic, streaming now coffee themed EPs.

Anything else you want to plug, Chelsea? That's it. I have nothing. Oh, I guess, you know, I'm in a movie called friends giving and you can see my movie, spinster, my first starring role. Wow. So, yeah. So those are things you can look at.

Check that out. I got some notes for your notes, by the way, Wags. They're okay notes. You should maybe elaborate a little bit more when you write them down. Not good. Not good. We'll take a break. We'll be back with more.

No boys. Welcome back to Doe Boys. Chelsea left, just me, Mitch and Emma now for the back end of the show. And hey, it's time for a segment. Mitch has a food stuff he's going to taste test and offer his verdict. It's another edition of Spoon Man's treat or skeet. That's right. Spoon Man, what do you got today?

Nick, it's another treat or skeet moment here on the show. Wow. The fans love it. They demand it. Treat or skeet. Treat or skeet. Treat or skeet. And then they just start chanting skeet.

Skeet. Yeah. That's what everyone was chanting outside the White House. That's weird. Wags, you think Hunter Biden is, how do you think he's dealing with the news? You think he's excited? I hope he's having the time of his life. God bless him.

God bless Hunter Biden and that I have not seen the photos, but apparently a quite a power tool on that young man. Really? Quite a piece. Wow, really? He's packing heat? He's got a clue weapon downstairs. Wow. He's got something you could murder Professor Plum with.

Wow. Just a fucking hammer. Wow. Like Sonny Corleone. Really? Well, here you go. Another famous fail, son. Man, I don't want to call him a fail, son.

He's in recovery. God bless him. Yeah. Oh, yeah, he's in recovery? I think so. I was just about to say I had party with him on the night as Dad won, but I guess if he's in recovery, he might still be a fun hang. He might be a fun hang.

Yeah. He's got a fun hang below the belt. Hey, it doesn't hang for everybody. Extreme ski time. I've got myself, Nick, as you know, there's nerds ropes, which we know canonically are what the nerds cartoon figures. That's what they come out is nerds ropes. And I've got myself some nerds gummy clusters.

Gummy clusters. Nerds gummy clusters, sweet and gummy inside. So they got a tangy and crunchy outside, a sweet and gummy inside. Why are you a fan of nerds? So if we're talking about the culture, then yes. See, I got a bit of an ogre attitude. I hate nerds. That's right.

But when it comes to the candy, I love nerds. Yeah, I do. I actually like the ones that came in the little box that were just like the little pop rock size things. I thought those were great. And actually remember, and maybe I'm misremembering it. I think a nerd cereal existed. Is that true?

Wow. I mean, I'm remembering a nerd cereal. Maybe I just dreamed it, but I do like the little nerds nugs. I think those are quiet. Those are a lot of fun. Well, back in the day, I enjoyed the boxes. I thought they were from there. They're very much a very sugary, just like one of those pure sugar candy treats.

Yes. I guess just like a little bit. They're one step above like sugar straws, like the sugar in whatever those things are called. Wow. The pixie sticks? Pixie sticks. Thank you, Emma.

But I think like a very young kid's snack nerds. I don't know many adults who, there's many adults who will get a Reese's peanut butter cup, a Snickers bar. Yes. You know what? Even Starburst. I could see an adult getting some Starbursts. Nerds, I think it's just, it just doesn't happen.

But Nick, would you ever get yourself some Nerds gummy clusters? What do you think? I don't think so. I mean, you know, I'm on the record saying that gummy ain't yummy. That's right. I don't like gummies. So I don't think I'd have occasion to buy these. However, if I was offered them, I would certainly try them as you are about to, which is reaching

into this bag. Making sure my hand doesn't get stuck in the bag. A common issue. I've had that happen with too many honey jars. I do not scoop honey out of a jar like a bear. Here we go. Why not? Isn't that how you're supposed to do it?

Here we go. I'm going to take a bite into these Nerds gummy clusters. All right. Here we go. Mitch is taking the bite. Can we get a visual? Can I see what one of these clusters looks like? Can you hold it up the camera real quick?

All right. Mitch is holding it up. Oh, it's different than I expected. It is like a bunch of Nerds put together in kind of a, like a meteor cluster. It looks like you took a Nerds rope and like cut it up into little pieces. Yes. Yeah. It's like a cross-section of Nerds rope.

That's a good way to put it. Have you ever had a Nerds rope, Wacker? I've had Nerds rope. Yeah. Don't love it. But I understand the appeal. It's not for me, you know? These are insanely sweet.

Wow. Like just, you know, when you take a bite of something into the sugar, just like, immediately just like fucking hits you. It hits you like a brick wall. Happens a lot to me with drinks, I would say. I think with beverages, especially through a straw. If I get something just super sweet, I'm just like, it's like a brain freeze. And Mitch is, you're making some, your eyes are really going nuts there.

Oh yeah. I mean, because they're like, there's like a bit of like a tangy, you know what I mean? Yeah. It tastes to themselves. It's also like, but man, there's so much sugar in these things. Wow. Not bad, Wags. They, not bad.

Not bad. I mean, like, this is just such little kid candy. I saw it and it looked fun at the store. So I thought, why not grab it and try to eat it on there? But this is children's candy. Hmm. Yeah. Not for, not recommended for adults.

It's tricks. Tricks are for kids. Yeah. It's true. It's just like tricks. Do you eat, do you eat tricks as an adult? Would you enjoy tricks as an adult? I don't think so.

Do you remember our tricks? Are they, are they back to orbs or are they, because for a time, the tricks were the shape of the different fruits they represented. Oh yeah. But they're back to orbs now, right? Are they little spheres? Wags, I hope they're back to orbs. They better be orbs.

They better be back to orbs. These are, these, all right. You know what? I'm giving them a treat. They're not skiing wags. Wow. Wow. Giving them a treat.

You still eat them. They're very like sour, very, very, very sugary, but they're, they're, they're fun. I still hate nerds. I hate nerds, but I, but I like these nerds. It seems like nerds seem like a candy in the past. Do you ever, do you ever see them or are they like a candy store candy now or what? I mean, I, I would have to hear from some youth. I would guess that probably that today's kids aren't having nerds all that often.

Excuse me. Could you repeat that? You'd have to hear from some youth. Yeah. I'd like a, I focus group of kids to tell me what candies they enjoy. I'm guessing, and I'll be taking some notes. I'm guessing nerds are, they were, I think they were a prior generation thing. Maybe people as taste of, I think what it is is that, that things are so processed and

so dense now that there's so much fucking flavor in these things. It's like basically like how it's like, what's happened with weed where it's just gotten so much more potent that it used to. And, and, and I think that, that the food has gotten so engineered, especially the super processed things like candy that it's like, it's like everything you're eating is, is like that super sour ball that, that, that Homer has at the candy and it turns his face inside out. I bet, I bet that's, I bet that's what today's candy is like.

I bet we couldn't even handle it. That's what I, that's, this is just, this tastes super sour to me and it's not even, there's no, oh so rainbow nerds around fruity gummy centers. So these are rainbow nerds, rainbow nerds. Those sweet little sparks of our fantastic inventors, what? A poppable cluster packed with tangy, crunchy nerds, a candy so tasty, there aren't even words. Oh, it was a little rhyme and I was just not reading it well.

Yeah, so completely sour, Wags, while I was eating that, that I, that it was just hard to, you saw, I had the Homer, my face sucked in, like the Homer lemon face. Yeah, you were, you were squinching, and there's not much face to suck in. It's not a lot of surface area of your head. Jesus. Wags, I'm still going to give it a treat. I'll give it a, I'll give it a slight treat, because it is slight treat, because I think some people are going to eat these and say no way, but you can't deny that they're like

a fun, sweet, bullshit, sugar flavor, you know what I mean? I feel like I only ever got nerds like trick or treating or something. I feel like I don't ever remember buying them or like picking them out myself, but they always were like part of other stuff, is that make sense? Yeah, that makes total sense. Do you guys, do you guys remember that point, that point in adulthood where you're just like, I can just buy candy and like how fucking, I just, I still don't take full advantage of that, but I can, you can just buy candy.

Because by the time you have that realization, you also have the realization of how shitty it is for you. Yeah, I know how bad it makes you feel. God, it fucking sucks. You need like a, they need, do you need like a four year grace period or something? Like it's just like, you're basically like, if you could have the equivalent of a college education period of time where you, you were just like, you were naive to the effects of it on your body and it didn't make you feel like shit and it didn't make you fat and then

also you had the money to spend to buy your own candy. Like that's, I feel like everyone deserves that. Or like one day a year, like a purge, but for food or like one day a year, calories don't count and you can eat whatever you want. It has no effect on your body. I like this food purge idea, the binge. The binge, yeah. That's a dream.

You know what, designate the binge. It's a Thanksgiving. I guess it is. I feel like a guy for me, the food purge is probably as dangerous as the regular purge. No, but it doesn't have, it's like in this hypothetical, it has no effect on your body. Right. So it won't damage you. It won't hurt you.

You won't gain weight from it. You can eat whatever you want, unaffected. It's a magic day. Yeah. And maybe you like don't get full so you can just keep eating. I like it. That'd be great. That'd be heaven.

I like it. Let's make it happen. Science, get to work on the binge, just like a restaurant via your feedback. Let's open up the feedback. And today we have an email from Judith G. Judith writes, I'm writing from Arlington, Massachusetts. Wow. So far from Mitch and Quincy.

Wow. I'm also knows where it is. A few years ago I went to my local Duncan and realized it had the fanciest bathroom of any fast food restaurant I've ever seen. I've attached a picture to show you can see for yourself the drawers work, but there was nothing in them. The only reason I can think of why this bathroom is so fancy is that it's a Duncan right near the Arlington police station.

Uh-oh. So maybe they are catering to the cops that come in for their coffee. Have either of you seen a fancy fast food bathroom like this? Hope this can spark some discussion. Now Nick. Biden's president and cops are good again, so. That's right. We will not be defunding the police.

No thank you, sir. Let me go ahead and share this screen with you so you guys can see it. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. All right. So here is the bathroom. I am sharing this with Emma and Mitch.

Wow. So we've got a, it's a typical tile wall. We've got like the, you know, the handicapped stall here with the railings is clearly what we're seeing. However, there's a little hat rack in here. It's like a full blown coat rack. In this bathroom. And there's some nice, nice floral art on the wall.

Do you know what I'm hanging up on that coat rack? What's that? My pants. I'm taking, I'm taking my pants off. I was going to say like a hook in a bathroom because then I can like hang my purse on it or a coat on it without like putting on a nasty bathroom floor. Yeah. Yeah.

I've never seen a full coat rack like that. Yeah. And hopefully that's sanitized regularly. There's also a, there's also a little flower pot here with some nice white flowers. So it's, it's, it's, it's a very nice bathroom, but certainly by Dunkin' Donut Standards. Do you guys have any notable, notable food, notable bathrooms you could take it outside of fast food and chain restaurants, any bathrooms of note you can think of in a, in an eatery? Um, not, not, I have definitely been in a bathroom like that, but I'm trying to think

of like a moment where I think that I'm just always impressed if it's a very clean bathroom. I don't think that's huge. I don't think I've ever been in one that's like so specifically like go like a, at least with fast food restaurants, that's kind of going the extra mile. But I feel like with newer ones, you'll, you'll get places that have, that are, are, are nice and, and I, I don't like the one person bathroom, Nick. I know you do. Oh, I prefer a one person bathroom.

Yeah. I'll take the one bathroom if it's not high traffic. If it's something where it's like, okay, this is a one bathroom place in a high traffic coffee shop where there's always a line. Like that's like, that to me is just like, okay, well, we're all just going to be anxious. You know, knowing, knowing that someone else is on deck, but in, in, in a lower traffic establishment, yeah, I'll give me the one bath, one, the one person, give me that solo joint.

Yeah. Yeah. As far as like, hmm, I'm trying to really, I'm trying to really think on this of like, I remember the bathrooms in the San Francisco airport being really like oddly, I felt like I was in a hotel, but I was actually in an airport and I really appreciated that. Oh, interesting. Mostly because after I get off of a flight, I like to go like splash my face with water and try and make myself feel like a human again, but like airport bathrooms tend to be kind

of gross and like sterile. And the ones in San Francisco felt like, I don't know, felt like a hotel. I remember appreciating that, but I don't think I go to the bathroom that much at like fast food restaurants. I think because I assume it's going to be gross. Yeah. That makes sense. What you just saying that makes me think of one actually, there was an IHOP and now

closed IHOP that was, that's now a fancy ass like gastropub or whatever, but it used to be used to be an IHOP in Santa Monica that was in the lobby of a hotel. So there's like a budget hotel above it and an IHOP on the ground floor. And so they had a nice like hotel bathroom in the IHOP or in the same facility as the IHOP, which was great. So that's I think my answer, the combo IHOP hotel lobby restroom because hotel lobbies are some of the best, nicest restrooms around right after Nordstrom's. I can't think of any off the top of my head.

It's going to kill me because I know that I've been to like a chain restaurant that's had a surprisingly nice bathroom and I can't think of it, Wags. Cleanliness also size, I think goes a long way. If you get to, if there's just like, oh, wow, there's like three stalls and three urinals. Like this is a, wow, this is nice. Wags, if I had to describe my perfect bathroom, it would be multiple stalls, three or four, but not just separated by like the stalls, but actual walls, like the built in wall bathrooms. Yes.

Cause that's private. Look, that's a big open bathroom, but it's still private. You get your own door and you know what? On each of those doors is a big thing that's red or green. It's either occupied or it's vacant. Let's make bathrooms like this. We can do this. It's a new era.

Biden is president-elect. We can do this. We can build back better. Come on, man. Come on, man. Wags, I'm guessing your dream bathroom is an empty room and then like, just some like, some like hand moisturizer and a hole in the ground. You're saying some sort of jackshack?

I was thinking jackshack. No, it's disgusting. I still need a place to deposit my waste. Okay. In a picture of a Biden's hammer by Biden's, by Biden's hammer, that's, that's, that's a good. It gets a good run, bro. That's, that's a good.

That's the new anchor man. The, I will admit you are right. Absolutely right. I'm with you on the, the floor, the wall separating the stalls as opposed to the stall, you know, those panels or those little, I mean, like, yeah, give me that 100%. I love that. I love an actual wall separation. The only downside of that is that little closet can be like a stench coffin.

Like if you're following someone in after there, that can be a real, real, real gnarly stinky second. If you're going into, if you're going, yeah, yes, but so don't jump right in there. You know what I mean? Well, if there's a queue, I mean, you know, or if you really got to go over your time limit. I mean, there are all sorts of occasions where you might have to, you might just have no choice and that's what you're left with.

But yeah, you can sometimes be smelly like an airplane bathroom can be smelly just because of the small square footage. I feel like airplane bathrooms are not too bad just because like it's so like, it shoots that shit right out of there, you know, in the back. That's true. Yeah. I mean, I'm also a man who's not trying to take a shit on a bathroom in a bathroom airplane ever.

Yeah. I did that. So that's a nightmare. Boy situation where I could barely move in there, but airplane bathrooms, look, we can get into the restructuring of bathrooms and fast food restaurants across the country, but the airplane bathroom is a fucking mess. Man, I wish they, I wish they weren't so, you know, focused on just like getting those percentage point increases of profit where they're trying to pack in as many seats as

possible. Cause if they were just like, make those bath, get rid of one row of seats on one side and make the bathroom 1.5 times bigger. Imagine having a wide bathroom, a big wide bathroom. Holy shit. How great would that be for big guys like us? I mean, come on. Or even just like room to stand comfortably.

Yeah. You can't, you can't stand in there. And I'm not like, I'm not a fucking giant, but I'm like six one and I have to like, you know, and Emma, you're like, you're five 10. Yes. Yep. Yes. So we're all tall drinks of water, a bitch is a, a, again, an ogre, a gigantic man.

And so you're tall. You're like, you're what, six three. Yeah. How do you know Emma and my heights? You're free. Well, I heard I've talked about this before. Yeah. Well, this has been, this has come up.

I always forget how tall Emma is when they see her in person, especially if it's been a while. I must know how tall everyone who works for me is. I don't work for you. You're a fucking piece of shit. But yeah, you really have to duck down in there. I've always wondered too, like my, like when I've, and I've had my brother a lot lately, so I've been thinking about this, but like he needs help in the bathroom, he can't go

by himself. So like if we were on an airplane, I don't know how I would do that. Like I don't think people could fit in that bathroom. No. No, that's awful. I mean, I can't, I, I mean, they, they must not, are they, are they handy accessible bathrooms on airplanes? They must be like, I don't, I was just thinking about like if you're, if you're like wheelchair

bound or something, how do you use an airplane bathroom because I don't think you can fit more than, like it's so small. It's crazy. Wild. Get bigger, wider bathrooms. Fuck your planes. It's bigger, wider bathrooms. Let's figure it out.

It's 2020. The middle seats are already empty. Why not give some of those middle seats space to the bathroom? There you go. 100%. Fucking assholes, man. I mean, look, we shouldn't be, if Chelsea was here, she'd be saying that we shouldn't be flying.

We live in a bad world that's hard to do anything. Well, I mean, I haven't been flying. But, but let's, let's open up some room in the bathrooms, Wigs. That would be great. That would be ideal. Look, we talk about how people fucking let it rip on the airplane all the time. Maybe you cut down on that if you open up those bathrooms a little bit. 100%.

Yeah. Maybe people will go rip it in the bathroom. Yeah. Or they go get that shit out of their ass and it would be fine. Exactly. This is now a bathroom review podcast. We could do it at Uppsall Bathrooms, Doe Boys Double, and I'm sure we have plenty to talk about.

I wrote, I flew Norwegian Air, I believe it was, and they, and there was like a deal where I got a first class seat, like it was the only thing I could buy, and it was also cheap as hell. Wow. And the bathroom was, or maybe it was like not first class, but like near the front. Okay. Wait, are first class bathrooms bigger than coach bathrooms? No, they're not.

They're not. Rip off. The Norwegian Air one, it was a big old bathroom. They had a big old bathroom on this Norwegian Air flight. Wow. Nice. And maybe it's international. Maybe international flights have bigger bathrooms.

Maybe that's a part of it. But I know like bigger planes have more bathrooms. Yeah. I don't know if they're bigger. Yeah. I don't know. It probably is a thing that's like a premium that maybe some, you know, I bet if you were like on one of those, it was, it isn't like Korean Airlines, there's like a Korean airline.

There's like an Emirati airline that's like, you know, they try to have like really, really fancy ass, like that's their whole marketing. You can get like a suite of those like the planes where you can get like a suite with a bed in it. Yeah. I know, I know there's some, there's some, you know, airlines that try, I mean international airlines like a bitch was saying that that's like luxury is their whole marketing that I bet has some nicer, nicer cans.

If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants or toilets, apparently, you can email us at dopeboyspodcasts at gmail.com, or leave us a voicemail at 830 Godot. That's 830-463-6844. And to get the Dope Boys Double on our weekly bonus episode, join the Golden or Platinum Play Club at patreon.com slash Dope Boys. And hey, Mitch, that'll do it for this episode of Dope Boys. Wow. A fun one.

Wags. Mm-hmm. Trump is maybe no longer president. We'll see what happens. I mean, he will still be in office as of this episode's release, but maybe he has, maybe by the time this comes out, the first Thursday in December, he will have at least acknowledged defeat and be preparing to exit office, or maybe he'll be dictator for life. We're going to find out.

Wow. Wags, I got to say this. Yes. The Weigur lock jinx worked. It really confused the shit out of everyone. Wow. Wait, what did I, what was my Weigur lock? You locked both.

Oh. You did lock both. Yeah. You locked Biden and then you locked Trump, so here we are. I can use the spirit. You have to set yourself. Yeah. You have to set yourself.

Wow. Well, there you go. Well, Wags, goodbye, my friend. Goodbye, my friend. Yeah. Mitch, are you okay? I'll see you next time. That'll do it for this episode of Dope Boys and I'll see you next time for the Spoonman,

Mike Mitchell, and Mike Weigur happy eating. See ya. On the next Dope Boys Double, Quincy's own Dano returns to discuss an elite circular food, pizza. Mitch and Dano tell us about their recent socially distanced pizza tour of New England. While I listen, it's a pizza party and we're all invited. Get the Dope Boys Double every Tuesday only at patreon.com. Dope Boys.