Doughboys - Philz Coffee with Corin Wells

Episode Date: September 4, 2025

Corin Wellz (@charity_corin) joins the 'boys to talk philly cheesesteaks, traveling, and diners before a review of Philz Coffee. Plus, another edition of A Single Item Must Be Banished.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSources for this week's intro:https://savorgood.com/2014/02/27/phil-jaber-philz-coffee/https://www.forbes.com/sites/ryanmac/2016/03/20/silicon-valleys-cup-of-choice/https://www.wework.com/ideas/community-stories/member-spotlight/philz-coffee-founder-brewing-strong-unique-blend-coffee-communityhttps://philzcoffee.com/our-storyEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/doughboys Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to YouTube.com slash doughboys media. Wags, you know what I used to eat every night as a boy? What's that? A big box of mac and cheese. Every night, a box? I would. Every night I'd eat a box.

You know what? It wasn't great for me. Not great for me like Goodalls is good for me. That's right. Mac and Cheese is so nostalgic, but Goodalls, if you haven't heard of Goodell, which we love is like the mac and cheese, you remember, but packed with protein and nutrients. And what's so amazing is they just launched single-serve cups that are so convenient and easy to take on the go. Wise, I love Goodles. I love the Shella Good here. I just tried the convenient cup version, and it tastes just as good as the box version.

That's right, Mitch. Goodles is so creamy and cheesy. I didn't know a nutrient dense mac and cheese could be this good. And the cups, which you mentioned, launched in two amazing flavors. Chetty Mac, which I got right here, and Shella Good. they taste just as good as the box version without the dishes. Wow. Every serving of Goodell's Mac and Cheese has 14 grams of protein, seven grams of fiber with prebiotics, and 21 vitamins and minerals from real plant sources. Little Mitch could have used some of that, Wags. It's a low glycemic index food, which means it provides steady energy instead of a carb crash.

And on top of that, it's kosher and clean label purity award certified. There's something for everyone with their amazing variety of flavors plus vegan and gluten-free options. trust us you need some goodles mac and cheese in your life pick up goodels on your next shopping trip it's available nationwide at target and walmart plus many other major grocery stores and retailers and don't forget the new single serve cups get them it's like our society has been waiting for a good cup of coffee it took off like a rocket this is fysel jobber better known as phil on the instant success of the coffee shop he founded on New Year's Day, 2003. Jabber had operated Gateway Liquor and Deli, a San Francisco corner store, for 25 years,

before Savily converting it into a coffee house selling the drink he'd first developed a fondness for in his native Palestine. Giving the new brewhouse his Americanized first name, plus a trailing Z for pizzazz, Jabber's cafe quickly became entrenched in the 21st century Silicon Valley boom, his coffee a favorite of the kind of tech industry assholes who view sci-fi cautionary tales as calls to action. Within a decade, Jabber was even serving as the bristead Mark Zuckerberg and Priscilla Chan's secret wedding, which means he must have seen some shit. But unlike more fancy pants brands, Jobber's no frills, no espresso approach, also found fans with San Fran's working mans and maintained that all-quadrants demographic as

it scaled up across the country. Today with 75 locations, primarily in the Golden State but also in the windy city, its eco-friendly ethos means its broodd order pourovers are served in compostable cups. And while coffee brands like Starbucks, Pret-a-Mange, and Costa Coffee are on the BDS list, you can instead opt for coffee from this Palestinian-American founded brand, currently stewarded by the founder's son Jacob Jobber with a semi-clean conscience, though the company has drawn controversy for giving discounts to law enforcement. And it's in the midst of a pending sale to private equity firm Freeman Spogley and Company. And I guess the whole Zuckerberg thing, now whatever shit sucks.

This week on Do Boys, Phil's Coffee. Welcome to Do Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Tiger Wiger along with my co-host. Hi-Cal Surfer Dude, Mike Mitchell, the Spoon Man. High Cal, like SoCal, but high cow. High Cal surfer dude. And I said Mike Mitchell, the Spoon Man instead of the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell, because Mike Mitchell was included in the roast.

High Cal Surfer Dude, Mike Mitchell was the full roast. Weird. Yeah, it was. High Cal Surfer dude, Mike Mitchell, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. I guess that's what I should have said. Thank you, Wags. I have surfed now. That's right, you have surfed.

I thought of this roast after watching Mitch's Instagram Real Way, tried various Hawaii-specific McDonald's treats and was calling himself Mahalo Mitch. Love this show. It's a source of calm and levity during my drives to and from my incredibly stressful job working in a manufacturing plant.

Wow. Mike Z. Godspeed with that. Roast at Birdfuck.com. In the video, I questioned whether Mahalo Mitch was an appropriate thing to say. We never really got an answer, so we just rolled with it.

But Mahalo Mitch is my, that's my moniker for when I'm reviewing Hawaii snacks, swags. If it's a problem, people will let you know. They're not shy about that. If you're in trouble, you'll know you're in trouble. I held out on telling surf stories as I want to, first of all, I have surfed. You're the SoCal Surfer, dude.

You've never surfed. No. I have now officially surfed. I got up. I caught pretty cool. I caught like four waves. Wow. Hang two.

Hang two. I'm being nice to myself. it was that funny thing where we were doing it and they had the guy was like you use that surfboard there and it was so clearly

a much bigger surfboard like for my size and there was mine was the only one that had a handle in the middle of the surfboard like a fucking briefcase you know what I'm saying

like everyone else had just like a normal surfboard mine had a fucking handle in the middle of it for you to hold on to while you're writing yes I mean not not while you're right just a hold it was like a dock it was like a dock it was like a little

mini die. It was huge. But I caught three or four waves, Wags, and honestly, it sucks. It's hard. I mean, it's great. It's just so hard. I was like paddling out. And I'm just like, this is so exhausting paddling out.

And it was like, there were waves coming in. So you're like fighting the current to like get out to the guy who was then, who like, he like turned you around and was like, all right, paddle. And then you had to stand up on your own and do it or whatever. But it was like, just paddling out there sucked. And then eventually the guy was like, Mike, you can just walk. And so like I just like stood up and was walking out there so often. But it was that sort of thing of

like when I caught a wave and I like I caught one that I was going for a while and then I was like, fuck, I'm like so far away. I have to like fucking go all the way back out. It's an exhausting sport wags. But I've done it and you've never done it. And it's stolen valor when you say SoCal surfer dude. I disagree. It's part of my identity. Did you have a, is there like a feeling of elation though when you're actually cresting a wave when you're actually writing it Are you like, oh, wow, okay, now this is pod racing? Do you have that feeling? I did say now this is pod racing.

Okay, good. But I'm... And then you were sabotaged by Subolba? Yeah, Subbo. My handle came off my board. Subalba! No, no, it is cool when you get up and do it. And I also was like, I'm catching, like, big waves here.

I'll show you, like, a picture of... And then, like, I see the picture of the waves. And the waves were decent that day. but then I'm like there's like no real crap they were tiny little waves comparatively and also you can see in my surf photos and Amelia you very nicely didn't put those ones in but you see my rash guard

moving up and you see me pulling it down on the surfboard as I'm surfing which is not a very cool surfer thing also that was the other thing too there's like when I was like when you see I mean look there's like there isn't even an apparent wave in this in this picture, but I am surfing. Mitch is holding up a still of him surfing. I think that looks pretty cool. You're fully up right

there. I am up right there. And it looks like a picturesque day. I mean, Hawaii, beautiful, why? Because it's very beautiful. All right. This one is, this one, this is a, but like, in my mind I was like, these are big waves. And this is like, that's like one of the best photos. It is, there's foam.

You see some boats in the background. You're on some foam. Yeah, the wave is like pretty modest. But when I was in the water, I was like, these waves are pretty big. So, like, for people who actually surf, it is crazy. I'll be honest, it looks like you're standing on flat water. You're a piece of shit.

I was surfing. All right, here's, there's not, there's, all right, this is, this is one. I mean, look, it's not a huge wave, but that is a, this is a wave. That's a wave. No, I, I get, I get, I get, it's a wave. I get me right in a bad boy. I was looking at, like, cartoon style huge waves, you just like wipe out as a beginner.

Right. Like, you just would get my fucking ass kick. This is a cool one of the bunny slopes. Yeah. I mean, I was like, that was the thing, I was like walking and then like, like, I would like scrape my feet against like coral, like, or like rocks. Oh my God, coral is brutal. It was, it was fucking, it was, like, the thing where it was like, my mom was like, I want you to climb,

I want you to hike Mount Diamond Head. And she's like, climbed Diamond Head. And my sister and I climbed Diamond Head, my sister like almost died on the way up Diamond Head. Yeah. And then she's like, I want you to surf. She gave us like the most, like the shittiest fucking, like, like it was like such, like it was like it was like like the most the rigorous activity she gave us and i still gained 14 pounds your your mom your mom gave you like homework she gave you like tasks i'm like

picturing her on the beach being like you go surf you go hike she kind of did do that and she couldn't and she and she couldn't enjoy she broke her toe in hawaiiics oh i'm sorry she moved an some lady told her she that she could move the umbrella at the hotel and she can't you can't move the umbrella she broke her toe oh man i like this picture because this does just look like i am on a dock. I'm waving. I'm waving to my mom to be like, I'm surfing. And then she's like, I saw my mom like putting like a shirt on and I was like, she's not like seeing any of this. She's not seeing. I know I haven't been introduced yet. But doesn't it? You can, you can, you're allowed to speak before. It is very, it is, it is, it is very much me. It is the forest

Gump. I'm waving to Bubba. But Hawaii is very nice, Wags. I know that you went there as a child. As a boy, yeah, I've never returned. My brother lives there. Your brother lives there. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Which island? Yeah. Oahu. How long as you were there? I guess, like, as long as I've been here, so like three years. What does he do? I can't tell you that. Wow.

Yeah. I can't. Okay. I love it. That's overt. We've got a little mystery on the show, Wags. He would be so mad if I said this on one of the most popular podcast. Does he work at Jurassic Park?

Yes. Shut off. Your brother isn't dead,ry, is he? She's a barbersole can, stealing embryos in. Wow. We maybe just heard, but we're not going to tell you, are we? We could have just, you didn't have to do that.

You could have left a natural edit point. It seemed like an organic subject change. Hit it with a drop, Emma. I could finish the Donkey Kong 64 on 3D Donkey Kong. I finished both, 100% of both. I have dressed up as Donkey Kong before. Literally. I love the DK rap.

When was it, 89? Let me double check. So they're finally here performing for you. If you know the words, you can join. Min 2. Put your hands together if you want to clap as we take you through this monkey rap. Wikes. Wikes. What the hell? I was, I was listening. I like it. I mean, I like the D.K. rap. Yeah, the D.K. rap is good. Karin, are you familiar with the D.K. rap from Donkey Kong, 64? I was in a Nintendo 64 girl. Yeah. Sure. Did you have, did you play another system?

Yeah, a PlayStation at the time. Yeah, and then prior to that, it was a Sega Genesis. We weren't really a Nintendo family. Wow. Yeah. I was a Nintendo family. Yeah. Yeah, me too.

Is this the first episode post Twisted Monthel? I believe this is the first episode of September, yes. Welcome to not, goodbye to Twisted Monthil. So long to Twisted Monthel, but I hope people have checked out Twisted Metal on Peacock. If they have not already, check out season two. It's great. Thank you, Wig. You're really good in it.

Thank you. Thank you, Wags. It's very kind of you to say. I was a Nintendo despite TwistML being on PlayStation but I love Donkey Kong 644 which people say is kind of a collectathon like a not a...

It is a little bit. Which also the new one kind of is too. I got very little sleep last night. You know what the reason was? Bonanza. Hanging with my old buddy Donkey Kong. Oh, Banana. A Switch two, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Still haven't played. No, I'm lying. I did. I did. A friend has it. I have played it. Yeah. Great.

It's a sleek little system. I mean, I like, do you like Bonanza? likes. Yeah, a bonanza. I like it too, but it is a little bit of a collect-a-thon, as I say. I also think that Duncan Kong sounds like Sandler a little bit, don't you think? He's in the game, he sounds like Adam Sandler. I haven't picked up on that, but I'll listen.

He's like, he's just saying, Chalby. That is, it is. He does. It's that, he like, it's very that or like Timmy from South Park or something. It's like a very like a, like, like, a, like, there's like a, yeah, sure. He's playing it pretty big, but I don't know. I don't mind the performance. I'm not criticizing the performance.

I love Sammer. How far are you? Sorry. I'm sorry. I apologize to Donkey Kong. An apology that's warranted. There's a VEO actor out there like, oh, man. He hates it.

I didn't read the email, Wags. Oh, yeah, go for it. Wagi Kong rap. Hi, Dofam, had to make this after hearing Wager's solo get played episode. recitation. Recitation. Recitation. Yeah, recitation.

I just felt like I said it weird. Of the D.K. Rhapsitation. Recitation. Recitation, right? That sounds right. Recytation. Recitation. Recitation.

Recitation? That sounds weird. That sounds weird. Recitation. Recyitation. Technically a doughboy's episode since Mitch also was on the episode question mark.

Shout out to D.K. For the help polishing this drop. Cheers, Thomas. Letten Tickles. the dough scored. Well-crafted Latent Tickles, drops up at Brick-Flock.com. Our guest returning to the show

appearing in the main feed for the first time, an Emmy-nominated writer from the Amber Ruffin Show and Black Ladies' sketch show. Corinne Wells is here. Hi, Corinne. Thanks so much for being here. Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much for having.

First time main feeder, I can't believe that. Yeah, that's right. Hey, it's about time. Thank you. Oh, shit. Welcome to the show. It's crazy up here. I'm very happy to be here

We were talking before You're too funny for the show in general There's no call-ups at Do Boys No, yeah, yeah It's the fact is that we have to fill in our shitty Patreon episodes And we try to get funny people to do them Is the, I mean, that's

And you're kind of... That's what the money is That's where we make our money Like the pay wall What you were kind of enough to come on our Patreon And talk about Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory That's right. Yeah, yeah.

Do you like... Have you, have you wanted? You rewatched it since. I don't think I have rewatched it since, no. It's a, it's, um, do you, are you looking for more Wonkaverse? Because obviously there's a Salamee Wonka, which, which had just come out by the time we did that episode. I don't think that I am.

Yeah. I think the story's done. Right. You know, I didn't need the shallot may version. Once he started singing, I was mad about it. And I think I talked about it on the podcast. Um, I think I fell asleep the moment he started singing, which is in the first minute. of the movie.

But yeah, I think Wonkaverse really just tight little tight little, tight little, tight little movie. Yeah, see, it feels like it could be a one and done. Yeah. I watched it Christmas night with my mom and sister because it was a screener. Mm-hmm.

Which screeners aren't as fun anymore. We talked about that. You just get like the app and you watch it screaming or whatever like that. But Wonka was one and we watched it. My mom immediately fell asleep. And my sister was enjoying it. And I was just, I could not pay attention to that movie at all.

Yeah. I think I was looking at Mrs. Clause Rule 34 the entire time. Jesus Christ. It was Christmas Day, Wags. That's the worst day to do it. Yeah, I guess that is the worst. Well, Santa's busy. He doesn't know what's going on.

What is that? Yeah, Santa likes that. Rule 34 is like, they do like horny drawings of, uh, of like, uh, so you can, if you Google say, uh, Bugs Bunny Rule 34, they'll be like Bugs Bunny like Jacked and he's like, you know, they see showing his, his showing stuff. I know what I'm doing tonight You're talking about

Before the show And we talked last time We were on the pod But you're from South Jersey But South Jersey is kind of also Philadelphia It's a Philadelphia suburb Got it, got it So that's like it's kind of the same thing

That you are Amelia you're technically from New York State But you seem kind of identify with Jersey Because it's right there Yeah, I'm a little bit Jersey pills Right But what is the Can I quickly show you

The first picture of Mrs. Clause Rule 34? It's not, there's no nudity. Okay, fine. That's the first picture of Mrs. Clause's Rule 34. She has some, so she has some truly, truly ginormous breasts. Those are, like, a couple of basketballs. It looks like a butt in her, in her, it looks like a butt in her, every man's dream. A butt where the boobs should be, why?

Oh, my God. She's got to do a handstand and take a dude. And then you can breastfeed from a race. That's what you want, right? The dream. What is the, so you're so close to Philadelphia, it's a Philadelphia suburb. The food culture is like a Philadelphia. Like, what are the foods that make you identify with home?

Yeah, I mean, obviously a Philly Cheesestakes. Sure, of course. Do you have a favorite, like, like, did you get yours? like a favorite preparation? So I like American cheese, salt pepper ketchup, and that's it. I don't like fried onions on it. Just give me a simple meat cheese with a little bit of seasoning. And I like, ironically, I think the best cheesecake, and people are going to tear me up.

I think the best cheese steak is in Jersey. It's called Gattano's. Shout out to Gittanos on Rancocas Road. Hell yeah. What's wrong with saying, Jersey? Fuck you, Philly. Eat shit. Sorry.

I know. Sorry. No, I didn't say that. He said that. You shit, Philly. I say go birds. Yeah, go birds. But, yeah, it's just like a big sandwich and they pack it full of meat.

I would say they're only downfall. And this isn't a note you have to take Gattano's, but I do think you need an Amorosa roll. And they don't. Amorosa roll. Everyone knows Amorosa from. The apprentice. The apprentice. She's now making rolls that are very delicious.

Yes. Get that black woman to make the roll. But yeah. That's like, that is that like the Philly standard is the Amarissa roll? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's, that's, is it, is it like braided? Is it like braided? Is there no seeds on it or anything?

No, there's just something about it. That's just tastes really good. Oh, wow. Okay. Um, yeah, uh, like Wawa, at least they used to use it. I think recently they might. I, I, I have not been back in a very long time. But, uh, they made their hoagies on them.

And man, real good stuff. Are you a Wawa enthusiast? I am a Wawa enthusiast. Hardcore, wow, wow, girl, yeah. I realize, like, I mean, like, you're kind of, uh, you're a Wawa enthusiast and that you love to cry. Okay. Wow, wow, that's what I'm saying.

You're the one wearing a diaper. Hey, I'm not wearing a diaper. These are shorts. What are you talking about? What's under there? Let us see. What the hell? Yeah, let us see.

I got Haynes box a briefs on. Prove you're not wearing a diaper, bitch. I swear I'm not. You just take my word for it. You know what I say? Wee. I, um, I, like, I, like, we reviewed, uh, wawa and dough boys on a live show. We went to Philadelphia.

I have not been back since, but, like, I do love the idea of a convenience store with good food. Yeah. And, like, I thought their sandwiches were good as hell. So good. Do you have a go-to there? So I don't eat pork anymore, but their Italian hoagie is very good. I do miss it. But I don't eat pork anymore.

So, like, I'll get, like, their tuna hoagy. Yeah. And I'll get provolone cheese with lettuce, no tomato, onions, pickles, and sweet peppers. and that is like, man. That sounds good as at all. I love an Italian sandwich and I too have been largely upset. I mean, like I was completely, I had no pork at all for like a couple of years. And then since then, there have been a few times and I've been like, I guess if I really

want it, I'll have it or like I'm just not stressing out about there being like, you know, pork broth in a soup or, you know, like if there's some bacon in a cob salad, I'm not freaking out over it. But I generally, I pretty much stopped eating pork entirely. What would be the easiest thing for me to, of the big meats, I think. Yeah. I mean, like, bacon would be hard to never have bacon again. But turkey bacon is good. Pretty good.

Yeah, it's not bad. Yeah. Yeah. But when did you stop eating pig and, like, like, you know, like, is there, like, is there any particular reason or? Yes. So I went vegan kind of, like, immediately before the pandemic. Got it. Which I don't recommend.

If you know a pandemic's coming up, don't cut out food. You're going to get real sad. Right. But yeah, I like cut out like all meat and like animal products for probably four years. Wow. And like two years ago, I started eating chicken again. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I got wings on my birthday.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Where from? I went to E Rustic. Of course. There you go. Yeah. I had some e rustic wings this last weekend, Wags, they were, and they were, they were good.

Yeah. They were really good. Shout out to E Rustic. Shout out to E Rustic. It's, uh, it's gotten very popular and, uh, like, uh, there's like very pretty waitresses now there. It's like, that's like a part of the, they, I heard that like the owner like handed down to his, their son or something. And now there's like, uh, sounds like horny or something.

It is like a little, it feels a little bit hornier in there now. It's definitely more sceny. too. Like younger people are coming. And they have a great karaoke night on Tuesdays. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah.

I've never been to the karaoke. I should. But the wings are. They're fantastic. They are probably the best in L.A. Hot Wings Cafe on Melrose is a lot. I like that's a lot. They're lemon pepper.

Yeah. Ooh, good. They're good, but I do think Eurassic is the number one. It's just funny. Like, do you, how do you go? Do you go crispy? Extra crispy or this break a good? I do extra crispy.

Oh, okay. Yeah. See, I do that and sometimes than I, sometimes I'm like, they're like little bat wings. They're like overcooked or whatever. I was with, Lamar Woods was there and he got suicide.

He was like, I don't like spicy, but then he says he doesn't like spicy, but then he says he doesn't like spicy, but he says he doesn't like spicy. Yeah, that means Lamar. It's super spicy, but here's the thing with Ye Rustic,

they weren't even that hot. They were like not that hot. Yeah. But I mean, like, no, I wouldn't get any other food there besides like maybe French fries. But the wings, there are great wings. I don't know how often you get them. You mentioned that.

Not, I mean, a little bit of a part of town, but, but yeah, I obviously appreciate their wares. You mentioned their son, the son taking over, also the case with this week's chain, which we'll get to. Wow. Generational handoff from father to son. Wow. Is the, like, did he hornify it? Did he hortify fills? Fills is maybe getting a little horny.

It's Fills with a Zee. You mentioned lemon pepper. Do you, like, do you have a favorite wing sauce or rub? And are you like me something of a heat seeker? I am a heat seeker. I don't have a favorite. I go through phases. Like, I went through a lemon pepper phase where, like, that's all I got for a little

while. And then I got sick of it. And then I moved to their barbecue, which is very, very good. It's reminiscent of, like, how KFC's honey barbecue used to be. Oh, okay. I like that. And I love that. I don't like a straight-up barbecue wing, like, like, if it's just barbecue sauce,

but I like the honey barbecue. Yeah, a little sweetness or a little spice in there, too. A little spicy. Yeah, yeah. And with Hot Wings Cafe. you can mix stuff up. You can be like, put all of it on, which is I wouldn't recommend. Don't do that.

No. It's chaotic. No, it's not like an all-dressed chip. You don't want to go have multiple sauces. It doesn't make sense. No, you don't want that. I don't even want that in my chips. I don't want that in my chips either.

Keep it out of the chips. Wow, hold on. The shots fired at all-dressed chips. I like all-dressed chips. That is, that is the true. Have you had all-dressed chips? I haven't. And I'm poop-pooing on it without knowing.

They're pretty good. Okay. Well, you already got Philly mad. Now Canada's going to come at you. What are they going to do? Little fucking cowards. What's the fucking you guys going to do? Yeah, we hate you.

I forgot. Oh, yeah, we hate you for being a better country. Yes, yes. We take our countryside on that matter. But also, if we have to be refugees, please let us in. Please take us. Please let us in. But I'm bringing my phone.

I'll bring my switch, too. I have a question for you. You got your Hot Wings Cafe, you rustic. Yeah. Where's your Philly Cheesesteak place in L.A.? Oh, booze. Boose is good. We reviewed booze on the podcast at a live show, actually, for Halloween.

I think booze is good, but it's not anything that I'm like, I need to have booze. That's the only thing with booze. But it does scratch the it. It scratches the it very well. And their bread is good. The bread is great. There used to be a spot, I believe, it closed before. you were able to get to L.A.

It was a pandemic casualty before you lived here. But there was a Philly West was a place that was owned by Philadelphians that had a damn good cheesecake and a damn cheese steak rather, not cheesecake. And also a good burger on a long bun. You ever get one of them long bun burgers? Cheeseburger sub. I told you that before that I used to love a cheeseburger sub back in the northeast. Never heard of it.

It's crazy. It's blowing my mind. It's like having a big cheeseburger. It's fucking great. So it's just like pat, like a long. patty or like a bunch of patties. They'll cut a cheeseburger in two and then. So it's like basically like, you know, two cheeseburgers. Maybe sometimes three cheese burgers in there. Lettuce tomato, mayo, ketchup mustard. I mean, whatever you want. Pickles are usually in there. Onions. And then a lot of the times bacon, they put bacon in there too. That's like a, it's like a cheese, which I love cheeseburger club. I've talked about that before. I love a cheeseburger club. Don't see a cheeseburger club too often either. But a cheeseburger sub, big fan of it. You don't, you really. You really, you rarely see it. Yeah, rarely seen in the wild.

Never even considered that could be a thing. So they're good as, I used to love them. Wow. But I don't know if there's any, I don't even know if you can, I don't even know if there, maybe fat Sal's had one for a minute.

Yeah, I don't know, but there's would have a bunch of other extra shit on it, you know. It is the, like fucking mozzarella sticks. Yeah, like mozzarella sticks and fries and whatever.

So you, so you start having, you start having chicken, you start gradually reintegrating more meat into your diet. Like do, like, or is that just basically it's, it's chicken and fish.

Just chicken and fish. Yeah. What are your fish go-tos? I love an ahituna. Oh, love ahi-thi-thi-thi. It's like to cook. Yeah, sure. I'll eat any fish, honestly.

But ah-h-tuna and salmon, I'll cook. Now you're line up with Meals Marino over here. Yeah, I'm a fish free. Yeah, I love it. I love a shellfish. Give me some shrimp any day. Give me some crab legs? Oh, my goodness.

I had a seafood tower last night, wags. I did. I had not just myself. if I was with some friends. And I had the lonely oyster. I forget, where the fuck was it? The lonely oyster in Arco Park? What was you?

You had a little impish grin a second ago. We changed the subject. What were you going to say? I was just going to say that fat sales on Ozempic. That was all I was going to say. It's just called Salz now. Has fat sales closed? I feel like I don't, is, are they done?

I'm not sure what's going. There's still a rink. I don't like these subs anymore. I'm done. The, I think they've maybe contracted a little bit. And they had some intra, you know, corporate rivalry in terms of the ownership. They did some tension there. But I don't think they've closed.

There's a number of them were still. Yeah, Turtle. There were some, there was something going on with Turtle got excised. Turtle from Entourage. Yeah. Sounds like an entourage episode. I got to say this, dude. This has been on my mind since I did it.

I was Googling Mrs. Claus Rule 30 floor. Yes, yeah. And then when I first was. just spelling out Mrs. Clause, Mrs. Delfire came up. And then I was like, is there Mrs. Deltfire Rule 34. And there is. Yeah, of course. I'm shocked that there is. I haven't clicked on it yet. It does say, it says under it. Rule 34. If it exists, there is porn of it.

We have Pokemon, My Little Pony, Other Hentai, whatever you want. That's My Little Pony? Yeah, it's all on there. That's the whole point of Rule 34. If you can think of it, it exists. Oh, my God. Wait, have you done Doe Boys Rule 34? It's all Pillsbury Doughboy. Oh, right.

I was just like, that's a good idea. We're freaks and we've already done Doughboy's Rule 34. It was one of the first things you looked up. It was Pillsbury Doughboy and then Mitch was maddy. He had a bigger hog than him. Well, in Rule 34, Amelia, did you Google Mrs. Dauphire Rule 34? I'm doing it right now. I won't even show you anything, but it is truly, it made me gasp.

I would love to see it. All right, I'll show it to you, but I don't think that you're going to, I don't, I'm going to say this. It's perverted. I turn that phone screen around. Oh, my God. Don't show it to the camera. Oh, my Lord.

This is pretty explicit. Yeah, that's pretty explicit. Pretty explicit. Her slash his ass is so strong. Yeah, it's so ribs. Oh, I think I have a virus on my computer now. anyways it exists yeah they do it does exist i'm just gonna take our internet

so you have like like shelf shellfish crab legs is crab your crab your favorite um it is but it's like a little treat yeah sure one because it's very expensive and two i i load it with butter like a like a bag oh yeah okay a boil bag it's like oh hell yeah potatoes corn garlic butter and whatever occasions. A boil. Boils are fun. Even though they are like messy and kind of a pain in the ass, it still is a lot of fun.

Are you a lobster fan? I do like lobster. You go crab over lobster? I'll go crab over lobster, for sure. Yeah, yeah, because I think you're getting a little bit more bang for your buck. Like, a lobster is just the tail and it's just a little piece of meat for a hundred dollars. Yeah, sure, yeah. Yeah.

What a claw? You got the claw. Sure, yeah. The claw. There's other stuff in there. But I get what you're, I know what you're, it's too expensive. It's always too expensive. But in the Northeast you can get it for cheaper.

Yeah. Also, when I went to Cuba in like 2017, lobster is like five bucks. Oh, man. That's real. How was Cuba? My buddy Micas went to Cuba. Yeah, it's beautiful. You kind of, politically, it's like, oh, this is a lot going on.

A lot for me to think about. Yeah. But it's, it's great. I had a fantastic time. How do you get to Cuba from the U.S.? Do you have to take like a tertiary sort of route? We flew to Miami and then out of Miami we flew. You can fly direct to Cuba from Miami.

In 2017, you could. Wow, okay. Yeah, Micahus did a thing where he flew to South America and then flew to Cuba from South America or something like that. There was some sort of, you got to do some workaround. But I think you went after you did. Yeah. Like Trump just got in office, so he wasn't doing it.

anything. Yeah, I guess I forgot that that was a thing that that travel ban got like re-implemented. I forgot that it was a thing that wasn't standing for a bit. Yeah. Oh, good. That's good. It's good.

It's back, I guess. Go boys Cuba month likes. It could be fun. Yeah, do it. Do it. Did you have any, like, outside of the, the very cost-efficient lobster, any notable eats in Cuba? Um, no. Cubano?

The Cubano have heard is like more of a Florida thing I've heard they don't actually have them as much in Cuba Yeah, that's fucking annoying Not really Because like again like politically like imports and exports Yeah right Work differently so like none of the vegetables were fresh And the meat was also like not great

But they knew what they were doing with seafood That's great Yeah and like a Moro rice It's like a rice and beans situation is so good. Those, like, the seafood and the moral rice were, like, the most memorable things for me. Wow. Yeah.

And the cigars. A Cuban. Me and my boys love to smoke. I got, I love to smoke a nice cube. After, after we wrap dough boys, wags and I go out back, we smoke a Cuban, a little Cuban cigar wags, right? And they inhale. God, how annoyed would our listenership be if they found out we were cigar guys? Yeah, the dope boys have humadors.

Just in a few, and it could have happened in a few years. We're going to go through some sort of life crisis where we become cigar guys. It's a possibility. I don't think I could be a cigar guy. I don't think I could be cigar either. There's too much, like, wrapped up. I feel like that just like, I feel like the kind of guy sees smoking a cigar is like Rudy Giuliani. You know what I mean?

It's like a very, you know, like, it's a decaying, like, sort of like, you know, right-wing celebrity. I feel like that's all those kind of guys. And you've ever like a cigar-oficionado magazine? It's just like the kind of guys that would show up in there. It's a very, very, uh, it's a very mega sort of, sort of crew, I feel like. It's a lot of like hair gel without hair to put it on. Right.

Yeah. It's like that kind of guy. Yeah. You know that you don't think you could be a part of that crew in a few years? Patreon starts sagging. All right. Plan B. Are you, are you well traveled or someone who likes to,

to go other places, and any notable, like, other culinary trips? Yeah, so I am actually currently planning. And when I say currently planning, I mean, it's already planned. I'm doing Europe for three weeks in December. Wow. Yeah, solo trip, going to just go and ride the train a bunch of places. Now you're speaking in his land. Yeah, I love the Choochoo.

Yeah, yeah. I'm doing Brussels to. Amsterdam. Well, I'm flying into London and then going immediately to Brussels. Then I'm going to Amsterdam, Vienna, Munich, Paris, and then back to London. Wow. Yeah. I've been to, I've been to Vienna. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I took the, we took the night train there. And it was the night jet. Is that, yeah, that's like the, yeah. Overnight one. Yeah, the overnight one. We took it from Italy to, it was a true nightmare. It was like six, it was, it was six Quincy guys in like a room. And there was like, you know, like three. like the layered beds

and so it was just like too small for us I got my own you're gonna you'll have a blast my trip was gonna be don't travel with five other Quincy guys we had a great time yeah we went from Italy to Vienna

and then from Vienna to Budapest which is also Budapest is great too I do you guys have hungry listeners like listeners from Budapest I don't know we have Hungarian listeners We have hungry listeners. Yeah, Hungarian listeners.

I hear Hungary is very far right right now, so I'm going to avoid it. Oh, it's gone right wing. Yeah. Yeah. In that sense, we have hungry listeners. No, they shoot a lot of stuff in Budapest now in Bulgaria, right? That's the other place where they shoot... Yeah, I mean, they're shooting all sorts of stuff globally.

I think Betsy shot her that commercial she's in, I think, in Bulgaria. And Dick was just in Budapest. Oh, wow. Okay, yeah, yeah. Dick McAeilis? Wow, very cool. Yeah. They were shooting just something there and, oh, cool.

I liked it, but I did not know about, I didn't notice the far right stuff when I was there. Maybe I was walking amongst it and had no idea, but I didn't notice it at that time. I think we would have different experience. they were just handing me free stuff oh no it was great for me they were like one of us I really like rose up the ranks there pretty quickly

I got a medal marching to parade I did not know about that I went to the there's like the ruin bars there and they were very cool like in these like in the like a big party

like they partied till the morning there and stuff like that and it was interesting but it was like a cool city for we were there for like a very short amount of time and I was fine kind of with that so Vienna is very pretty I'm excited about Vienna I'm like I think I get there the day that they do their

crampus festival wow crampus yeah crampus is actually on my birthday wait really yeah December 5th wow this night is my birthday but they like do celebrations the Sunday after it seems like you know a lot about crampus Are you a big crampus fan?

I mean, once I learned about crampus and learned that it is my birthday, I was like, well, this is my entire identity. Yeah. And I think, actually, I'll be in Amsterdam when they do that, like, blackface thing. Oh, man. That's that Black Pete thing. Oh, right, yes. We're really excited. I really planned it out real nice.

Dear God. I don't know. I don't know how popular those are anymore, but I hope to see something. I hope there's, I hope you see nothing there. And I hope there's no doughboys listeners there. That's all I can say. Yeah, I forgot about that, that whole thing. But the crampus stuff seems very, that seems very fun.

I like a mean Santa. And you know what I was just thinking of? This is just, this is off the dome right here. But tell me what you think of this. Okay. A crampus version of Polar Express. Oh, fun. Like a hell train?

Yeah. But yeah, but it's, but it's crampus specific. It's for kids. You already didn't like it. No, I'm just thinking through it because you have to know Polar Express exists. And so it's like this is like this exists in that universe. And it's Crampus's train? It's Crampus's train.

Yeah. So I think that people would be like naturally think of the Polar Express. So it's like, oh, so there's an extension of Polar Express. But this is like the bad version of it. I think they can exist in different universes. Yes. Sure. I think it's like kids get hop on this train and then it's almost like snow piercer

where it's like every level is like a nightmare, a different kind of nightmare. And then it ends with crampus. I like nightmare train. How are you held up on this? I thought it was a genius idea. I'm with you. Thank you. This is the man who pitched ghost zoo and I love the idea.

Ghost zoo is a fucking home run. I think that. Is it a zoo for ghosts? It's crampus, the polar express crampus train isn't a home run? I think, again, you said Polar Express there. I just think people are going to think of Polar Express immediately. So to like, like, I feel like it has to have some tie-in to that. Or else it's going to rip off or a parody.

Is it for kids or adults? Yeah, is it for kids or adults? It's for kids because Crampus is specifically, he harasses kids. So you think you're getting on the Polar Express. You're actually getting on the Crampus Express. Yes. Yeah. But then again, I just think it has to exist in the Polar Express universe.

Jesus Christ. Because otherwise you're like, then it does. Because then you're like, it's like, it's like, oh, it's like, this crampus train. It's like the one holiday themed train in our world. You know what I mean? Well, no, because like, like, I think it's just like. Or is it like crampus.

I'm just confusing the logic of it. Maybe it's like crampus takes over the polar express. That makes it his train. Okay, there you go. That's what I think. He comes on and he's like, no, this isn't the polar express. It's the crampus Express. It's the full of you.

I don't think, I don't think that polar express needs to be a big plot point in this. You know what I mean? I think we, like, we live in a world where polar express is an idea. that has existed and Christmas is a thing. But Crampus outdates the Polar Express. That's true. Sure. So why can't he have a train?

Cranpus does predate the Polar Express, but I think that, look, I don't need to argue this anymore. This is so far out. I just got to be like, I think that's actually brilliant. I'm so on board. What the hell? Don't anybody take this. Yeah.

We own it now. Yeah. Is that helpful? So you're going to go and see crampus, you're going to go see these festivities. That is truly wild to me. Yeah, yeah. I'm very excited. And I haven't gone on a solo trip in a while.

I went to Ireland in 2017. 2017 was a big travel year for me. Wow. The homeland. Yeah, I loved Ireland so much. And I've been wanting to go on another solo trip. So, yeah. Where about an island did you go?

I was in Dublin for, like, the first half. And then, like, I did, like, a day tour around everywhere. And then I went to County Mayo to stay in. Nice to mean my language. To stay at Ashford Castle, which is, like, this really nice castle hotel. Oh, wow. Yeah, the Reagan stayed there. Hell yeah.

But so did the guy who used to be Big Bird. That's cool. Yeah, that's a little fact that they love to tell people. Who is a performer who played Big Bird's name? I know that, I know that name. Now, I can't think of it fast enough. Is it the original Big Bird? Yeah.

I think so. I know Nancy Reagan got up to that at Hotel. She had that Mike face. Oh, hi, Big Bird. Oh, gee. Suck it on Big Bird Peak. Carol Spinney? Yeah, Spiny.

Yeah. Carol Spineer, yeah. Yeah. Spine or spinny? I don't know. That's a good. The bellhops were well-tipped. Let's just leave it at that.

Yeah, they were. Those tips were too big for her mouth. Nancy, why do you have a yellow feather in your mouth? She's a glowing big bird. Fuck, that sucks. I suck. I like that was good. like that. You know what? Now I like

Cranpus Express. I won you over on Cranp's Express. You got a Vienna. The parade is him on a train. Two, two, all aboard. Hey, wait a minute. Hey. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to tee this up now.

Yeah. There was another presidential impression today that happened. And we'll get to it at the appropriate time. Just, just look forward to that. Oh, boy. I'm curious about, because we are going to talk about, a coffee chain, but also a breakfast chain. What is your, what is your go to?

Wait, wait, before we move off a travel, actually, I do want to go back to Ireland. Mitch, you can speak to this, too. Is there an Irish food I'm curious about? Like, were there any notable meals there? Well, I was, of course, an Irish breakfast. I don't know if you've ever been an Irish breakfast, which has black pudding, well, blood pudding and black pudding and all that sort of stuff. I'm totally on board with breakfast beans, by the way.

Why not? You would love a good Irish breakfast. They have some, next time you're in Quincy, I should take you to McKay's and you can have a good Irish breakfast. Sounds fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But was there anything that, for me, so much of it was like, like toasties, which I think I brought up on the podcast before and people were confused, but like the grilled cheese sandwiches that they just had everywhere.

Like, that's, like, I remember having so many toasties. Yeah. Which is like cheese and like a grilled cheese was sometimes with meat and it in like a tomato slice.

I felt like I had a bunch of toasties. Mm-hmm. Um, I don't think that I ate as much as I drank, but like, Guinness tastes so much better in Ireland. It really does. It's crazy. Like, I don't know what happens once it crosses into U.S. territory. But, like, it is, it's good. Like, I would have never thought myself to be a Guinness drinker and I'm not.

But, like, once I go back to Europe, I'll be like, give me a Guinness, baby. because it's just like it's it's just like mm that's quite an endorsement that you don't normally like it but you like their version yeah wow it is a little it is it is kind of hmm it is it is it's creamy it's creamy right it is it's cream it is it is it is it is better there but you know why because you know who just got the best guinness poor in uh the in the united states who's that j j fowley's a bar you've been to wow very cool j j fowley's got the best guinness in boston in boston yeah we want their post uh we want their post show one year after a do Boys live show in Boston. And it is, there's an award you hand out. It's an award I just came out. The best Guinness Poll. It is the best Guinness Poor in the States in one.

And I had a good one with you. The other one, Sonny McCleynes. They have a decent Guinness poor. But in it is, there is a difference. Did you go to the Guinness factory? Um, did I, did I, no, I got, I was, I was too hungover. Yeah, I was supposed to go to Guinness and Jameson.

Jameson was like going through renovations or something. Wait, you were too hungover for the Guinness tour? Yes, I was. Yeah, I was staying at a hostel and, like, I woke up and I was like, fuck this. And I slept until 4 p.m. Oh, my God. Yeah, because the night before, I went pretty, pretty crazy. Yeah.

Ah, great. I hope to relive it. That was almost me today because of my Donkey Kong night last night. So I was, I was, I had insomnia last night. I couldn't, I couldn't sleep at all. I just couldn't, I just one of those things we were. tired too. I was like tired at 3 a.m. And I just couldn't fucking sleep. It drives me crazy. And my anxiety

makes my insomnia worse. And then when I can't sleep, I get more anxious. And then I know I can't. And it's a, it's a, God, I had a few nights like that in the past couple weeks. It was really, really rough. What's your set? Like, do you play in your living room? I play in my living room. So I don't go, so I don't, I keep it out of the bed. Yeah. I keep donkey con out of the bed. I, uh, yeah. It's not, I'm not, there's no donkey con stuff. It's not where it belongs. I do go to bed naked just wearing a red tie, though. No, yeah, I keep it out of there, but I still, it's the same thing will happen to me where I'll be like,

my anxiety will, that I'm not sleeping will keep me up longer. But you're right, you're, it's smart tag. This is a thing they actually say you're supposed to, like, when you can't sleep, don't lie awake in bed, get up out of your bed and do something else. So that, like, and then when you're tired, go back to bed. Oh, you're not supposed to roll over and scroll through your phone until it comes up. I don't know. How did you enjoy staying in a hostel? It was great.

I think I've aged out of it. I don't want to sleep with strangers in the same room. Were there like older people that would stay there or no? In this one not really. It was kind of like it's called Generator Hostel, the one that I stayed in and they have like a chain. It's kind of like, and they're very like hip and cool. Okay. So, like, I think it, it, you know, young people, younger people stay there.

Are you, are you sleeping in the same room other people are sleeping in? Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like bunk beds. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah.

That's wild. I don't know if I could, I don't know if I could ever. Yeah. I don't know if I'd ever be good doing. Yeah. I mean, for what it was, like, I, like, made friends and then that I'll never see again. And that was nice. Yeah, that's fun.

But as a almost 40-year-old woman, I don't want to do. do that. Yeah, I guess I get that. Where I lay my head, leave me alone. Yes. I would also feel bad, like, from the top bunk, like, like, you know, putting my my CPAP cord in tubing down for people who have to plug it in. I just feel like it would just be annoying.

Yeah. Mitch, you mentioned Sunday McLean's, your old haunt, where he used to hang when you first moved in Lai over on the west side, my side of town. How fun was that night the other night? We had, Amelia, you came out as well to see the Hudsucker proxy screening at the Arrow, which was hosted by a Griffin Newman of Blank Check. Ben Hossley was also there. I got to meet Marie Party Party.

We had a great time. And then we all went and hung out at Sunny McLean's afterwards. And Mitch, you were like, Mitch, you brought a convoy. You showed up and you brought a Tony Charlene and John Gabris. That's right. Post-Assat, I brought a Tony and Gabris. I was about to say, where is my invite? You would have been invited.

If you were there, you would have been invited. It was a good crew. Such great merriment. I stayed up past midnight. Wow. Wow. Isn't that wild? I know.

Wow, a little Dracula waggs. That's impressive for you. And I got to see my old place. The place where I used to drink and then go and sleep in my car till morning. So by see you're in the place, did you mean your car parked on the side? She was still there, the old beauty. There used to be a really good jack-in-the-box by that Sonny McCleman. Boy, do I know it.

I would walk over to that jack-in-the-box, get some food, and then go and sleep in my car. Yeah, that jack-in-the-box is on curb your enthusiasm, where Larry David gets a jumbo jack. But also, but it subsequently became a del taco. And it's a very good del taco, but it's just not. And also that diner, there was a 24-hour diner there that was open and then it went away. Yeah, that diner's closed. All of them are. Kind of a bummer.

All of them are fading away. That's a, that's a, like, Jersey thing. Diner's, like 24-hour ones. And now, like, I drove by, I drove by Canton. that nightwags and I was thinking like when is canter is going to go I feel like canter's going to go at some point it's going to be a very sad there's no more doesn't exist anymore yeah what are you young kids doing yeah what the hell are you young kids doing you're not going to the comedy shows I'm obsessed with diners I go to all the diners I literally just got canters

for dinner two nights ago did you really yeah because Mike wasn't feeling well this weekend so he got a matzabal soup and I got a pastrami sandwich how fun is that I love it delicious what is the like because I love diners too you know, like norms in L.A. institution, most of them is closed. There's, I think two left now. I think there was, there's the original still there was going to be turned into a raisin canes. And now I think because of uproar is maybe not going to undergo that conversion. Wasn't that that sort of, it was the same thing where they're like, we'll keep the sign. It was like, we don't care. Yeah, exactly.

And now the sign is gone. Is the sign gone? Oh, great. God. This week, I think it happened. Wait, the RB sign is gone. Yeah. The RB sign is gone. Did Prince Street lie to us? They said they were going to keep it. I'm pissed off. Yeah. I'm actually too mad to be. I'm too mad about the sign.

I'm just outraged that a corporation would lie. Like, what is our world coming to? They made us a promise. So yeah, but Norm is like so norms used to be open 24. Like their thing was we never close and they had like, you know, a bunch of them around the Southland. And then it just feels like that. That culture's kind of gone away. And because I don't know.

I feel like people are still going out, right? Is it just not, did they run the numbers? You just decide that this actually is not economically, you know, as feasible as we thought it was. I'm confused by it. I'm confused by it. So I'm blaming the younger generation. I think I think Uber eats and DoorDash kind of killed the diner game. Yeah.

Like late night stuff, you'd just rather be in your house eating it rather than embole. It's just such a different experience. It's so different. It is. I agree. Hey, I agree with you. We're mad. I grew up with multiple diners within like five minutes of my house. And also it's your chance to go out with your friends and continue having fun after you're, after you've been hanging out. You keep it going.

Keep it going. Is there any thing specific to the South Jersey, Philly diner culture? And is there, and a two barrel question, do you have a diner go-to? You've been playing too much. Yeah. You've been playing too much, a two-barrel question? Well, I think, like, there aren't chains of diners. Like, they're very much just, like, the golden eagle, the golden feather.

Like, just really, just random names for these places. And I'm, like, I'm a late-night breakfast food person. Hell yeah. And, like, going to a diner and getting, like, a plate of. just like hash browns and eggs and like you know turkey sausage turkey bacon if they have it um yeah and and some orange juice is just really nice to me um i was or chicken fingers and french rice there you go um yeah and did i answer both of those did i do it yeah i think so both barrels also also in like philadelphia new jersey diners we have like specific foods

like Scrapple. Scrapple, okay. All right, Scrapple. I've never had Scrapple, but I'm intrigued by it. Another thing I can't eat anymore, but it's really good because it's pork, it's all the leftovers. Everything but the oink, they say. Yeah.

Everything but the yonk. Yeah. I've never had Scrapple either wise. Yeah. I believe the episode of Guy Fieri's diners, drive-ins, and dives where he go, like there's one where he goes and gets Scrapple. That's where I learned everything but the oink. That's where I first heard that.

There's also a diners, drives and drives-ins and dives. it can't be the same episode. It can't be. But maybe it is. I think it is. I think it might be. No, it's Gene Hackman's last on-screen appearance. Oh, right.

Who was I just talking to about this? Yeah. I don't know. He was just randomly at the diner while they were shooting the segment. He just talks to him for a second. Yeah. But he basically was like,

I like that it can be left alone here. Yeah. Yeah. Do we figure out what happened with him or is it just kind of we moved on from the whole scenario? I mean, I think there's just like, theory, you know, this is, I don't know, man. Oh, I don't know. I was just asking.

I think it was pretty, I think it was pretty grim. There's some theorizing. I don't know if there's actually, like, I think autopsies were done, but I think there's just still just like a circumstantial evidence of what actually transpired. You know what? I know exactly why I was listening to your episode with Tibaltz this morning. Oh, wow. Wow. Yeah. There you go. We're talking about Hackman all the time. My brain is mush. I don't remember fucking anything anymore. Well, I don't know if you, I don't know if there's a good segue,

but I don't know if there was a lot of options for you for food at today's if you're not eating, do they have turkey? Oh, yes. They do have turkey sauces. Yes, all right, okay, okay, all right. Which I was very excited about. Yes, okay. Hey, buddy, NordVPN gives you safe and private access to the internet. What is a VPN?

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liquid iv.com and get 20% off your first order with code doughboys at checkout. That's 20% off your first order with code doughboys at liquid iv.com. Do it. Phil's coffee was founded by Phil Jobber, a Palestinian immigrant in 2003 in San Francisco, to have 75 locations across California and in Chicago, known for drip coffee brewed to order, notably does not make espresso drinks. I think a lot of people think of a coffee bar. They think of espresso drinks, but that's a thing they just flat out don't do. It expanded in part to its current size due to funding from Summit Partners, which also has funded Uber, McAfee, and LifeStance Health.

Don't you love our economy? Just like, it's just like the same like handful of people, like, who just like have their fingers in every pot. And speaking to which on July 31st of this year, 2025, it was announced that private equity firm Freeman Spogley and companies acquiring Phil's coffee for $145 million. So, hey, all right. Congrats to Phil. Congrats.

Very excited. Onward and upward. I'm sure the quality is going to get even better. Yes. which is well whatever we'll get into we'll get into I like Phil's

I am a Phil's fan Phil's for our audio listeners who did maybe didn't read the episode description fills with a Z P-H-I-L-Z I like it is a go-to coffee chain for me I do think the baristas there are particularly friendly

they seem to have like a like a vibe of emphasizing customer service and they're really efficient in the way they've systematized it because if you haven't been to Phil's you queue up you're dispatched to your barista who makes your coffee to order and you're watching them like they're they're brewing it it's drip coffee brewed to order so like you're seeing their process um and it's kind of amazing because they're you know they're like bartenders they've all got multiple drinks they're all intending their own things you can watch each individual drip go into your coffee you're watching individual drip go it's it's a lot of fun wow yeah uh amelia you had a of a of an ordeal picking up the phil's order is that correct um yeah it was more so ordering online i decided to order in person because I saw that on the app, like DoorDash, Caviar, those, I tried multiple

ones. If a drink cost $5.95, after selecting the size, it would add the price of that in addition to the $595. So it was $595 plus $595. It was $12 for a small. So there's a glitch on the app that It just basically doubled the price of everything. So I was like, you know what? I'm just going to order this in person. But in person, everything was very smooth. Yeah. And, yeah.

Which location did you go to? The Hillhurst-Lose-Fillies location. Okay. Yeah. I got to check my receipt. Yeah, no, I'm curious. Did you get a, do you get DoorDash? I Uber Eats it.

Oh, wow. Yeah. That's, that's my go-to is Uber Eats. What is your, as you're bringing your receipt up, what is your default, like, coffee chain of choice? I don't do chains. You don't do chains, yeah. You know, I'll do, like, coffee shops.

Whatever local shop there is. Even if you're on the road, you just find a local shop. Yeah. Yeah. There's some very cool coffee shop right on a, is it Hillhurst or on Vermont? Maru on Hillhurst. Maru. Yeah, always got a line and the coffees are that big.

They're tiny, yeah. And they cost $15. I got a tea there once. And that's not a glitch. Yeah. Yeah. I got, yeah, it's a very, it's like a hit, right? Someone's famous get something there at some point or something, is that one?

It's kind of like Canyon Coffee and Echo Park. It's just like where cool hot people go to be seen drinking coffee and writing their book. There's going to be some influencer that lives in that neighborhood because like Maru and then there's like another, like a Los Felas Cafe across from Little Dom's got like a put like a their breakfast burrito went viral. And then there's like a bunch of people going there. Well, I think a lot of people live over there. Yeah, yeah. But it seems like that block. hip street.

Yeah, I usually see a celebrity every time I pass by Maru. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Well, don't be cool. I list them off. I saw Nick Kroll there.

All right. Very cool. We need to get Kroll on the pod. We got to get Kroll on. Yeah. Any other celebs? I think Jack Black lives in the neighborhood. I don't see him at Mario.

I see him walking around a lot. I see him walking around in that area. No. Are you, but are you a coffee drinker? Because for me, it's every morning. I am. Yeah, I wasn't always. And, like, now that I have to be at work.

Right. I buy myself drinking coffee. Like, I don't need it. It's not necessary. But I do realize it does help with my bowel movements in the morning. Yeah, sure. No, totally. Yeah.

Same for me. Yeah. I don't drink coffee ever, but I, if there was, like, a bowel movement drink, I mean, I guess It is coffee. I should just maybe drink some decaf coffee. And I did drink decap for a while. I would drink that every... You don't like caffeine?

Caffe just gets me... Like, even this, I got a medium coffee here from today. And I have drank about half of it. And I am like a little too... A little too wiry. Caffeine has started making me more anxious. I like, I've cut down my coffee intake. I don't have my afternoon coffee anymore.

I was... Which I had until pretty recently. And I was just like, I got to stop doing this. This is making me feel insane. But yeah, a morning coffee just... Yeah, it's, it's, I'll, I'll do, I'll do a cup or two. And, yeah, great for facilitating that AMBM, for sure. I can't, I can't drink a coffee after 11.

Right. Oh, sure, yeah. If I'm drinking a coffee after 11, I'm not going to sleep. Forget it. Yeah. Yeah. AMBM, you just said. Yeah.

It's just not very close to AMPM. I, I, I've never heard you say it like that very quickly. I think we've had this discussion. I think we've had this same discussion. Oh, so maybe I have heard you say. And then you just said it's AMPM. And then we had to riff on what snacks would be at AMBM. Oh.

And what do you think Gene Hackman calls me, calls it. Did we already, oh, we did do an AMBM thing? I think so. And they were like, we got like a log. Yeah, I got a, I got a shit sandwich. Yeah. You know, you get it. Yeah, you guys get it at this point. Fill in the blanks.

Yeah. It's just in the old episodes. We already talking about Gene Hackman, apparently. Have you had Phil's before? No, I honestly never. overheard of it. Wow. Yeah. I'm so, I'm a little surprised by that. And it's just, I was like, oh, it's so close when I looked it up. I had no idea. Yeah. Yeah. Is she going a little, is she gets a little too graphic? No, I just, she doesn't need to do that while she's touching you. Oh, that's, oh, yeah, that's, good girl. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, McCall. Fills took over McCall's, which was a meat market right there, right? It was a butcher, which was great.

It moved to Atwater Village, which is fine. But I kind of was like, what is Phil's? And then I heard it was a public coffee shop, but I didn't realize it opened in 2003. I thought this was like a thing that was like in other states that people like, it was beloved. Well, it is beloved in the Bay. No, it's pretty much just in California, but there's also some Chicago outposts. It is beloved in San Francisco, I will say. Like, they love it in the Bay Area.

The last 20 years it's beloved. I mean, you know what I'm saying? Who gives it shit? You know what I'm saying? You get it? You fucking holy... I don't know. You get it up there.

These little fucking tech dorks like love Phil's coffee. I don't give a shit about Phil's. Yeah. Right? I think the guy, Phil, is a good guy from what I've read. Oh, oh, interesting. Yeah. Oh, the CEO guy is a good guy.

Are you sure about that? It seems like every other guy sucks. I mean, it's possible, but there's a story as a Palestinian-American immigrant who found in this place, and, like, you know, it seems to have come from... He's a local business owner who really... He's spitting everywhere. I'm getting defensive. Look.

He was a... He's a probably great guy. I like him. You know what? I like all CEOs. Meta. I like meta. I like all of it.

Phil's is great. I don't know the story here. Yes, but the actual, of course, there's a tech asshole element to its fandom, for sure. That's baked in, anything that's in the Bay Area, unfortunately. We went to this, so, like, my go-to is just coffee there. And they have, you know, they have bruise. They have light, medium, and darker brews.

I usually like a lighter roast, and I will go with, like, a, you know, I think they have one called the Ambrosia. I'll usually do, like, an Ambrosia. and just like very simple. Just get it hot, either black or with salt milk. Yeah. Ambrosia. But they have just a handful of different, you know,

roasts and blends. And that's one way you can go. But they also have some more like bespoke creations, including some of the stuff we got. Cren, where, like, did you go in store? No. You ordered on Uber Eats. What did you end up getting?

I got the, I think it's called the Spiced Vanilla So. Okay. or something like that. Yeah, the names are a little bit. Soul is absolutely in the title. And it felt like a chai tea latte, like an ice chai. It's spiced vanilla sole, filtered soul cold brew, Gear Deli, vanilla sauce, spiced oat milk and a dash of cinnamon on top.

I didn't know what I was drinking, but it was fine. It was fine, yeah. Was it hot or ice? It was iced. It was iced, but it was. in a hot cup. That happened today, too. Yeah, they're doing that today with us.

I think that maybe they just have the one cup that's maybe good for the environment. Who knows what this. Phil maybe is great and has good cups. That's another thing I do kind of like about this place is that they don't seem to have single-use plastic. Like all their food comes in paper, all of their drinks come in cardboard, even their cold drinks. So I do like that. I have a pitch for a coffee place.

What's that? It's called roasters. And you go in there and they're like, nice haircut, you dip shit. Like they make funny. Oh, they roast you. It's like an Ed DeBevix or a Dix, you know, last resort where they make fun of you. What do you think?

I think that's what you want when you're tired when it's like 6.30 a.m. And you got to get to work. Yeah, you're tired. Look like shit. You know, stuff like that. Roasters. What do you think? I'm going to go out to kill Tony about it and see what he thinks.

Local coffee shop gets shot up. I cannot imagine that. Like, lasting a long time. I also got food, too. I got, they have a turkey sausage, like, egg cheese on the English muffin. And it was pretty good. I was bringing up the menu here so I could take a look at it. Yeah, I mean, like, it's, I don't think of their, I don't ever get their food.

And, like, today it may have been the first time I've ever had their food. That can't be true. I must have gotten, like, a brownie at some point or something. but like I like I it's just not I think it was a coffee place and I think they have food like out of a sense of obligation but you liked what you got um it was fine yeah I think like my overall experience was it was fine right because like with the turkey sausage you can tell like it's they they want it to be a little sweet but instead it was like a little pangy and I don't think that's what you want from meat at all um but I ate it I ate like half of it and it was it was a breakfast sandwich Phil's is fine. That is P-H-I-N-E-Z. Fills is Fines. Yeah.

That's how I feel about Fills. It is, it seems very, it seems fine. Yeah. But you're also not a coffee guy. I think that the coffee is actually decent, but I said this right before the show that it's right next door to a coffee bean and tea leaf. I'd rather have a coffee bean. I'm choosing a coffee bean. Wow, really?

Yeah. I'd rather have Fills than coffee bean in tea. Yeah, pretty much any day. Man, I've iced vanilla latte from coffee bean and tea leaf knocks this shit out of the fucking. Like the thing with their menu, it feels like a lot of, like, gimmicks. They do do that. They will say their signature, they have the mint mojito ice coffee, which I've gotten before, which is, you know, they put fresh mint in that bad boy. That is delightful.

I do think that's really good. Some of their seasonal stuff, we got the honey hazel, which is a sweet hazelnut treat made with filtered soul cold brew, honey and oat milk. That was one of the ones we got. And I was just like, this just kind of tastes like sweet. You know what I mean? It's sweet and a little chemical.

It didn't have like honestly any anything specific, specific flavor notes I could lock on to that where I was just like, okay, I'm getting all this stuff. You know what I mean? And that's why, again, why I devolved to just like coffee at this place.

It just feels like what the, like what they're, the whole point, like just keep it simple. Just just do what they're, what they build their, their brand on, yeah. I got, I had a mocha, I got a, what the

fuck is the stupid name for it? You got the, uh, a mocha tosora. I mean, that is, that's actually better than what it was, what is it called? Moka tasora, gyrideli, chocolate. Oh, it's just, it's just, it's a sort of blend combined. Tesora is their other blend of coffee. There was no creative name to it.

Moketessora. And I thought that, I thought it was good. I think that they do do coffee best. Like, that's the thing that they do best. Not saying it's the best coffee. Yeah. But it was tasty. Girodelli, uh, chocolate mixed in with coffee?

Girodele. Girodele. Yeah. Fuck. Right. Girodele chocolate. Girodele? Yeah.

Yeah. Girodele. Yeah. Yeah. It is Girodele. I got it wrong. It's not Girodelli. Girodelli chocolate mixed in with coffee.

You're going to like that. It tastes good. Yeah. I don't know. Whatever. They have like a partnership with Giradelli? I don't know. I think they must.

Yeah. There was a couple. Were there a few of those? Were there a few of those on the venue. There was a couple of those on the venue. I mean, another San Francisco brand. Oh, Yirondelli is? Yeah. They're from San Francisco. No, shut up.

They are. The originals in San Francisco. There's Giradelli Square. We went there. I'm not yelling at you. I believe you. I just didn't know. I would have been like, oh, that's a French company. Yes, I thought it was. No, I'm pretty sure it's found in San Francisco. Yeah. We went there. I feel lied to. We went there? We went to the original. We went to the grid. We went to a Girideli Square.

Did we really? I think we did. I'm pretty sure we did that. And we had Yeradilly. And we had Yeridelli? I think so. It's San Francisco saying Jira deli. I think we did some Deer Deleu stuff on a San Francisco live show or something at some point. Oh, God. I don't remember.

I don't remember. I don't know. I don't remember this stuff. I also got the caramel banana brew, which our pal Donkey Kong would appreciate this one. That's true. Because this had Mission Cold Brew, rich banana caramel sauce, almond milk, and swirled with more caramel. You really could taste the banana in this one. I was worried it was going to taste a little sciencey, not too sciency, not too chemically.

I don't know. I thought this is pretty tasty. I would never care to drink either your drinks ever again. Yeah, no, this is the thing. I would not get these if not for content. This would never be my order. I mean, that's just not how I, like, at a coffee shop, I just don't need the more exotic wares. I don't need all this extra stuff.

I mean, I know some people are, though, basically there for dessert. They're basically there for a milkshake. So I think if you are looking for that, the honey haze I thought was a mistfire, but the caramel banana brew, which is seasonal, I thought was delightful. Yeah, I just can never see myself getting them again. Yeah. Banana in a coffee. Yeah.

I don't like it. You don't need that? No, you don't need it. It's unkapachka, but I will say, like, if that's what you're looking for, and I got the job done. You pooped? I took a huge, huge shit. Immediately. That's why you were taking a phone call.

We've gone on a phone call. You missed it earlier for a good half hour. When I got here, you were in the bathroom. We also got some food, Mitch. So we got a, let's start in the savory side. I didn't get anything savory, but you got a couple of things. You got a pork sausage and egg burrito, flour, tortilla, eggs, potatoes, cheddar cheese, and pork sausage. You also got a jalapeno cheddar bagel.

Jesus Christ. Halapeno cheddar bagel. Don't worry, Jemmy. Jimmy, don't worry. We're not eating dogs here with cream cheese. And I don't know. What did you think those do? You've been on a real animal kick today.

We were doing ads before you got here. And he was saying, what did you say? You said, hoot. Hungry hoot. And you said, you said, goat health instead of gutte health. I said goat health instead of gut health. To be fair. Jemmy would love to be a cheddar beagle.

Cover her in cheddar cheese. She'd be so stoked. She is. She collects the cheese tacks every time the cheese drawer is open. You can't eat the spicy, baby Oh, she'll eat the spicy, she'll eat it all She loves her cheese Good girl

You deserve it all You do deserve it all Look I got zoo brain What do you want for me? You do got zoo brain You gotta write the ghost zoo movie What is the ghost zoo? Oh God, it's a can of worms

No, it's like a spooky kids movie Like they get trapped in a zoo overnight An abandoned zoo overnight But it's haunted by animal ghosts The ghost that used to be there Oh, that's sad. There's like one extinct animal that's a ghost. We were abused.

Taken from my home. Give them a sense of closure. Maybe they can see them, steward them through the other side. And it's an operating zoo? I don't know. It could be an operating zoo. I was thinking of abandoned.

Oh, abandoned zoo. It's like night in the museum style. Like, it goes dark and everybody wakes up. The animals come out. Do you, like, get them to heaven at the end, or hell, I guess? I have no idea where this story leads. Yeah, I haven't decided if they're good or bad. Okay.

Maybe there's one bad, like, I think maybe they go to heaven. Maybe there's, like, a bad zookeeper. That goes to hell? Yeah, they kill them. The kids murdering. The kids kill the zookeeper? Yeah. Like, with their hands.

Yeah. Please. It's giving me, like, a, oh. I have kids of my old. I didn't do anything. Just trying to support my family. Man, and it feels like a G-rated movie until this moment, basically. It's giving like a weird back vibes.

Yeah, sure, we're back, yeah, 100%. Yeah. All right, greenlight both. Well, hell yeah. Coming soon, double feature. I mean, I gotta say, crampus, Polo Express is a better movie than Ghost Zoo. I think I think both are marketable

Both have their audiences I think this is more my vibe Okay But this like You know like a children's movie where they Strangle an old man at the end of it It also seems like you have I think the zookeeper has to also be dead already

And he needs to be sent to hell You know Because why is he still there? Yeah It's a good question We'll figure all this out in the writing process Just give me some money And I'll get this thing going

Look, back to the burrito Yeah, back to the burrito My first comment to Amelia She unwrapped her burrito And I said it looked like Trump's hand And it did It looked like Trump's little fucking It was it looked

It was translucent It was like it looks like Trump's hand It's the best way to It had a big grease spot In one specific area It looks just like Trump's hand That's all I can say It looks just like Trump's hand

From the photo And did it taste like Trump's hand? And you know what? Didn't taste far off from Trump's hand. I think we both were like, this is like perfectly fine. I've had the turkey sausage breakfast sandwich. And my mom, when she was there, did you have a picture of it? Yeah.

It looks like Trump's hand. Amelia's holding it up right there. Oh, wow. Yeah. Can you put a side-by-side with Trump's hand? We're recording this a little bit in advance. I wonder if Trump's hand will still be in the zeitgeist by the time this comes out.

Oh, they'll know what we were talking about with Trump's hand. I think it comes back around once a month or so. And it's getting worse. It is. The hand is getting worse. His ankles, his hand. People are like, oh, like, he's on the way out or whatever is like what they say when they see the hand.

But like, that's just, that's wishful thinking of people. He's going to live to like 100 or something. I'll say that. He'll outlive me. Well. Trust me. Seems like something's playing. But the burrito, which I think that is actual pork sausage, the burrito.

Yeah. I liked the turkey sausage breakfast sandwich more. But Phil's food is, which, by the way, it should be Phil's food. I don't know if it is. It should be P-H-O-O-D. Mitch, that's a good note. I'm not sure if it is. I don't think it is.

It should be. Points off if it's not. Yeah, yeah. Phil's coffee should be like C-O-P-H-H-E. fuck. I fucking love that. I actually truly do love that. That's really good.

You hear that Phil? That's just good marketing. I wish that this place... More pH is more Z's. I think that's, yeah, general note. But I also think that this place is just kind of boring to me. Like, I was like, is there something more to this place? It just seems like a very boring.

It is boring. But that's the whole thing. Like, it's like, it's boring, but the customer, like, I think so much of Phil's is the customer service experience, which we didn't get on this particular visit. But I've had, it's just like... I'm the spoon man. Give me some flare. me some panaz. I want something going on, baby. I'll give me something. I think it's a very,

I think if you go in store and you order, your coffee's made fresh to order, you're having it there. You can taste the quality of just like an individual pour over. And then also it's like, you get to choose your brew to order. They do have a bunch of different, different roast. They have like basically four of each sort of intensity. And like, again, this is a place that to me is all about the coffee. And I'm pretty sure how conceptually that's where it began. And I think it's executing well on that. It just, that does not really encompass the bulk of our order today. And also, again,

we're missing out on the in-store side of it. But it's fucking boring. If you're going to put yourself on Uber Eats, it would like like you're, you know, you're going to be evaluated as such. At least get a mascot. Get a mascot. A big Z. Get a big Z. Get a big Z. That's one.

It's a boring as hell. Yeah. Do you have a, it's a Burger Brigade headquarters. I feel like all the people who are a Burger Brigade are fucking in fills just hanging out writing fucking ghost zoo movies. I don't write that. That's my idea. Did you have a, what did you think of a bagel? I liked the bagel.

Yeah. The bagel wasn't the one thing that I was like, this isn't bad, it's not a bad bagel. It scratched the itch. It was pretty good. They were out of everything bagels. I had a cheddar jalapeno bagel, as we said, and it was pretty good. It was pretty good. It's weird when I think back on on, you know, when I worked in video games, like I had a stretch where every day I was going to coffee bean and tea leaf and getting coffee and and then getting a jalapeno cheese

better with a jalapeno cheese bagel with cream cheese. And it's like... Beagle. He didn't say beagle. I didn't say beagle. Fucking Zoothe's brain. You gotta get this movie out of you.

Yeah, get it out. Yeah, get it out. We got some sweet treats as well. Mitch, you got a chocolate croissant. I did. I got pumpkin bread. And I also got a crooky croissant, which teased something up we talked about earlier.

She's afraid. Amelia, you had a comment on this. Well, I wanted Mitch to do this, but... Do you want me to do it still? You should do it, yeah. I'm not a crooky. There you go. And see, I thought the Trump hand was going to tee up that, but I'm surprised.

It was a little surprised. I did not see it coming. That's what she did the impression. But I wrote it specifically for you to do. You're ghost-writing bits for me now? Crescent Nixon A croissant topped and filled with chocolate chip cookie dough

Oh wait no I thought my collar was tucked in And you hadn't told me the whole time, okay That's a that's a croissant with chocolate chip cookie dough Let me just say this about the cookie croissant What we're talking about it I thought this was really bad Like it felt like a croissant with like two globs of dough grafted on to either end of the boomerang

And then you buy you bit into those And they were like so dense and concentrated And you didn't get enough croissant in those bites It was just like, it was a cookie dough and croissant coexisting, but not even peacefully. It felt like they were at war. I thought it was a pretty unpleasant. It was a brundle fly situation. It really did.

It felt like an abomination. It was. A thing that should not be. I got mad at Amelia too. Amelia thinks that there's a fly in our light switch, which is, first of all, insane. And if there was one in there, it has now passed away. It's lived a long way. Their electrician also came, I think.

Although the electrician came. Oh, interesting. Did a fly There was there any sort of insect Man that same as well? We should ask him if you found a fly cargan. Electrician, I found your issue.

It's this one fly. Still alive in his hand. Electrician was a spider. I have a question about the croissant part. Was it a curled croissant or a straight croissant? It was like, no, it's kind of a

curled one. Yeah, that was the form factor. Like, like really curled or like? I'm not super curled. Let me see if I can pull up a bit. Actually, I didn't take a pick. It almost looked like they were, like, I expected it to be like cookie dough inside the croissant, like you would find in a chocolate croissant, which would make more sense.

And it almost looked like someone pulled up a croissant and was like, shit, this was supposed to have cookie on it. And they're like, slap two cookies on it. And they're like, there, no, it's a cookie croissant. It's kind of the vibe it had. It really was Brundlefly. It was a little brundle fly. Okay, here we go.

Actually, yeah, Amelia does have a picture there. I can show that to you here. That looks crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I learned about croissants like when they, when they're straight, they're made with butter. When they're like curled, curled, they're made with margarine. Oh, interesting.

Ooh, I like that. This could be a lie. Good insight. But that's what I learned. It's canon now. Yeah, okay. Great. Amelia said that I was going to come in looking like brundlefly after something happened with.

A fly attacked you. The fly attacked me. And she said I was going to show up. And I, like, really genuinely got me upset because when I was little and I saw that movie, I was afraid of turning into a fly for a very long time. It's very traumatic. That movie is It's truly disgusting And I never

Like once I saw that movie I never thought of flies The same way again I like they're fucking disgusting I like when he The shotguns aimed at him And then he pulls it up to his own head I'm like that's so relatable

I'm like that's so relatable Been there Brindle Fry Bundlefly You're there with Brundlefly And he moves it from his head to your head I get hard Don't tease me

Nancy Reagan pushes Brindlefly out of the way Sucks off you and Brundlefly And then get shot by both dicks Somehow Mitch, what do you think you're Chocolate croissant. Not bad.

Yeah. It wasn't bad. It wasn't bad. It wasn't bad. You had a bite of it. You know what? Definitely better than the crookie croissant. I actually do, I think I do like the coffee bean and tea leaf chocolate chocolate

chocolate croissant better. Yeah. But it wasn't bad. It was a tasty little bite. You had a bite of it, Amelia. Yeah, it was okay. I thought the highlight of the sweet treats was the pumpkin bread, which is, you know, kind of an autumn cliche, but I thought it was pretty as well executed.

It feels early. this is the whole this is the whole fucking thing these seasons are expanding so much yeah I think they got we're recording this episode in August they got the fucking Halloween decorations at Costco already I just I can't let's fucking whatever I can't with this shit

you know my issue with it is like there's two times there's like there's like regular year which is like I guess roughly January till now and then there's Halloween time and then there's Christmas time like half the year is those two seasons times.

Like, just back to back. Skipped right over. Thanksgiving gets it's Halloween and Christmas. They say Thanksgiving and Christmas. Halloween and Christmas for the two seasons. Oh, no, I'm saying it gets skipped right over.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's hard to capitalize food, you know. That's a good point, yes. We used to put up Thanksgiving decorations now. I also do think that those have aged. Like, like, I don't think that's. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I also think that's part of it.

It's like, well, this holiday is kind of full of shit. Yeah, yes, yeah. The cornucopia is nice or something seeing something like that. But Halloween, I wouldn't have an issue with us, the Halloween season, as we've called it, Wags, if that it got bigger. But the issue is, is that now you don't feel it as much anymore. When I was a boy, I've got on this rant before. But when I was a boy, the Halloween season was really celebrated. Erkel was, every week, Urkel, you know, during October, like, that TGIF lineup was celebrating Halloween in some way.

There was, like, there were specials. You really felt the Halloween thing. And you don't feel, I know that I'm an adult man that's 42 years old. But I think living in L.A. also affects it, too. Because the seasonal change in the Northeast, like, that is, that's a big part of it. It's huge. And, like, it getting darker earlier. Granted, it does do that when, you know, we, when we're here.

Yeah. But, like, that, that, like, crispness in the air and the fall leaves crunching. It's like, ooh, spooky. I know, I like. I like. everything is a little spooky But now it's like living in L.A., like

it's just depressing. Because the sun is never going away. Yes, and it's maybe the hottest. It's like now October is also like one of the hottest. It's moved into like one of the hottest months. Look, I'm a lifelong SoCal Surfer dude. I grew up here. Sour dude.

God damn it. Can't fucking form words today. You're a fucking sewer dude? No, I'm not. Oh no. Going to an M.B.B. there. Not a sewer dude.

Not hanging with the turtles. Or the gators. No, I am a I've lived in Southern California my whole life. I think the, you can do good Halloween here. I think a big issue is just like Halloween expanding to such

a large swath of time that loses its specialness. I think what it was just like, yeah, maybe, okay, all of October is fine. Have one spooky month. But when it started having handles into these, into its adjacent months. And now, again, for all of September is now part of spooky season. It's just, it's

just too much. Yeah. I have, I have an idea. Before 2026 ends, the SoCal Surfer Dudes surfs once. Before 2026 ends? I'm giving a whole extra year. I'm giving a whole extra year. I only do that. We'll see.

If you want to keep the title, I think you need to surf. You think I need to get up on a board. I think so. This feels big. This is, this is huge. All right. We'll see. I lay down to a surf challenge, my dude. Wow. Mahalo.

Surf challenge. If you want to keep the title, you got to surf. Also, I had another idea. A CPAP double. I want you to try a CPAP. You want me to sleep with a CPAP? Yeah, but you could even just wear one during the episode and try it out. Okay.

I'm down for that. That's not an audio nightmare at all. Yeah. Yeah, how much noise did one of those generate? They're actually very quiet, right? They're quiet now. They're much more quiet now. Yeah.

But it does cover your mouth, correct? It is, it's way better. It does cover your mouth. It's way better now. Don't they have just the nose ones? They do have just the nose ones. Yeah, those are fun. I can yell, I can say, through my CPAP, I yell, Alexa lights off at night.

So I do, I do, I do, and Alexa understands, it stands me through the mask. That's cool. Yeah. So that is my other, that's my other double pitch. But we go, I want to get you. I think you should surf before the year 2026. All right, we'll see. I might do it.

Do it. It might just be easier to retire the bit. The most fun answer. All right, we'll see. Just say yes, you fool. Challenge accepted. Yeah, now we're talking. Yeah.

You've heard it here, folks. This guy's going to serve. This guy's going to make fun of him doing it. I'm an announcer. You're right. You're in. Sadly, you just made yourself a part of this thing. You might get eaten by your shark or something.

That's, I don't know, some of the cords to, yeah. That's true. Aquarium ghosts Aquarium. That's a good sequel. Yeah, that's a good that's when we turned it into a franchise. I like,

ah boy, they're really, I would, I don't think I'd want to be eaten by a shark. That seems pretty bad. When you think about like ways to go, like I don't think I would be eating by a shark. Look,

if you die, I'll be very, very upset and sad. I love you. I love you. But if you do get eaten by a shark, that is like truly one of the funniest. ways for you to die.

I meant in general. I wasn't worried about this particular. I was just thinking of like it happening. But yes, I agree. If I was like, I accept the surfing challenge, we went to, for me to serve. Amelia was there filming me standing up on a surfboard and then a shark fucking eats me. That would be very funny. We got it on tape.

What a Mitch challenge, why are to surf? And then he fucking died. A shark ate him. Most shark attacks. Don't end in being eaten. You'd get a limb taken, but you'd still survive. Oh, yeah. Okay, even a limb taken would be pretty funny.

And then all the cyborg jokes I could make about you. This is only good stuff. I come in here with a peg leg. That's very, yeah. I'm saying that you already had a third leg. It's no big deal. There's a lot of good bits that could, look, I don't want it to happen, but there's a lot of good bits that could happen if you were attacked by a shark.

If I'm eaten or maimed by a shark. Yes. All right, well, we'll see if it happens. Right now we're going to get to our fourth scores. Also, like the tearful first, whatever, or tearful. final episode where I'm like, why is this gone? The final episode of Do Boys is just a clip of why you're getting eaten off?

We're going to miss him so much and it's so sad. You're so joyful. I'll always think of him in the mouth of that shark, his legs wiggling. Oh, no. His shorts coming off. Oh, man. Let's get to our fork scores.

I know that he would want us to see that, so roll the clip, Amelia. Showing your hog flailing about as a shark fucking swallows you. Why should you put that music over it? Oh. With prices going up on just about everything lately, dealing with money can be stressful. Trying to manage subscriptions, track spending, and cut costs can feel overwhelming. Luckily, Rocket Money can relieve some of that stress and help you feel confident in the financial decisions you make, waggs. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions,

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This is an ad by Better Help. Hey, buddy, these days it feels like there's advice for everything. Cold plunges, gratitude journals, screen detoxes, but how do you know what actually works for you? With the internet and information overload about mental health and wellness, it can be a struggle to know what's true and what actions to take these days. Using trusted resources and talking to live therapists can get you personalized recommendations and help you break through the noise. Mitch, I benefited from therapy, as I know you have as well as have many of my friends. my loved ones. I'm in therapy now. And there's so many benefits to it. Beyond addressing your specific personal issues, it's helpful for learning positive coping skills and how to set

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mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Talk it out with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash doughboys. That's Better Help, H-E-L-P.com slash Do-Boys. So, Corinne, here's how this will work. We will each go around, give our closing argument at anything you would like to say or sum up your thoughts on Phil's coffee

and end that by giving it a score from zero to five forks. You are our guests seated to my left. Your thoughts, your fork score on Phil's coffee. Okay, Phil's coffee, you know, I didn't get much. I got my spiced vanilla soul and my turkey sandwich. Like I said, they were fine. They did come in like this cute little like lunchbox, like cardboard lunchbox thing.

And I was like, okay, that's branding. That's exciting. Yeah. That's exciting. But, you know, flavor wise, taste wise, I don't know. I give it, I gave it two forks. Two forks. Because I probably won't go again.

Wow. Yeah. Look, I don't. I feel like if you're in the need of a quick breakfast or there's like a way where you're like, I want that, that egg sausage sandwich. I'm near fills and I'm going on a road trip or something and get coffee in that sandwich. That's like the only way I could see it. But then I'm still probably just going to coffee bean and tea leaf.

Even though they, coffee bean and tea leaf really doesn't have like a lot of, like, I don't think they have any like egg-e sandwiches, right? Or like egg based sandwiches. I don't think so. I don't think so either. So like, I mean, I'm going to. Duncan's before I'm going to Phil. And I love

Duncan's, but like, I do genuinely think Duncan's is better than Phil's for food at least. Well, yeah. And also just a small black coffee from Duncans. I'm liking that more than I am like in Phil's. Phils is fine. I think that fills is fine. I think that

that's almost a good slogan for the place. And I think that they should do a P.A. I think they should use P.H. And I think that they, it's just such a boring coffee place. And people were like, fills is good and it's and then it was it popped up in Los Fillas and I was like all right I should check it and it's just like so whatever yeah I am kind of mad at my mom because I think

she got me the turkey sausage sandwich instead of the sausage burrito because I think she's worried about my health so that pisses me off um she does this shit all the time uh she thinks I'm gonna die and I'm mad at her for it um but uh and she she like she does do she'll like get like the like lighter option for She does stuff like that all the time. But she was right to do it because that turkey sausage sandwich is better than the burrito. The burrito looks like Trump's hand.

It was bad. It wasn't good. Amelia, you were going to save your burrito for dinner. And I was like, eat it. It's not going to last one. And it's just not worth saving for dinner. And you made that change and you ate it then. I think that was worth it.

It was the right move. I think I would have been really sad if I saved that for dinner. And that's what it was my dinner. Yeah, it was, it was, it's a tiny little, and also like, hell, the breakfast burritos you can get around here. And I'm, and I've already said I don't even love breakfast burritos, but like, there's so much better options than Phil's. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, it must be nice about that Trump hand, but he doesn't have to sit in it to give himself a stranger. It's just numb. Yeah. It doesn't feel like anything. It's typing tricky, but he's not doing that anyway. It looks close to dead The hand looks very close to dead It's necrosis might be taking place

It seems like necrosis is taking place Which is a whole different sort of stranger But The big stranger We're all waiting on The ultimate stranger The constant stranger Anyways we hope your hand heals Mr. President

And I'm going to go You know what? going to go two and a half forks, but I'm going to go handholding club with our wonderful guests. I'm going to go two forks. Wow. Okay. So I, look, I agree with both of you about the food. I'm going to go back to the thesis of this podcast, which is how is this place at what it's trying to achieve? And I guess I would rather have food from Duncan. I would rather have food from McDonald's if we're talking about like some sort of quick breakfast. If I'm going, Phil's is my only option.

They have food I can get there, but I'm not happy about it. I would never get the food from Phil's under normal circumstances. And I think it's fair to say that it's just it's not anything particularly notable. But I think their coffee is good. And I'm not talking about like all their, they're fancy, you know, bespoke like sweet and brews. I'm talking about like they're straight up like a cup of coffee from there. I think you go there and you get a brewed coffee and you get it sweetened and cream to your liking. I think you're going to have yourself a better cup of coffee than you would at pretty much any other coffee chain. I really do think that. And I looked up our score for-

I just quickly interjects that I didn't like Creamed to your liking. I didn't like that sentence. Get it as creamed as you like. Creamed to your liking. They'll cream it to order. I think that that that is what they do well. And I think, again, just like the customer service is great there.

And I think that the, the barista experience of just like, I'm seeing this person make my cup of coffee. They're giving it to me. They're letting me know. They're asking me if I need any. adjustments and it's it's it's it's it's very consistent i i know what to expect there and i'm satisfied with what i get i looked up my score for blue bottle and i'd rather go to phil's than blue bottle i like maybe i gave blue bottle a better score and i shouldn't have i like i like fills

more than blue box yeah you gave you gave blue bottle three forks oh i don't know blue bottle is worse yeah i i agree and i was going to say like i was going to i was going to give this place three forks even though that's on par with blue bottle because i think it's about like you know hey I think Phil's does a good job. Fuck, this blows my hope. I'm going to go a little higher because I think I just got to skew up the score from each of y'all. Because I think this place is better than a two fork chain. I would give this three and a half forks.

And that's where I'm going to go with Phil's cough. I'm going to go two and a half forks. I'm going out of the handholding club. And I'm putting blue bottle to two forks. Wow. Interesting. I guess Blue bottle has a great hot chocolate. Oh, okay.

Oh, shit. I never had the hot chocolate. That could change things. The bottle also does, because I think you're like me and you like a latte over like a drip coffee. Yes, yeah. Which I, because I would probably not have a good time at feels because I don't love a regular drip coffee. I prefer a latte. And they don't do espresso, but I think Blue Bottle does do espresso, so that might make me more active.

But I like, but she's pissed off. She's not getting the, you know what I'm saying? Someone will explain that to me later. I, you don't know the song, Espresso by Sabrina Coppenter. That can't be true. This, I believe it with him. Probably heard it at the gym or something. Can I, want me to sing it for you for a second?

And we won't get DCMA'd, will we? Will we get DCMA'd for the Donkey Kong rap? No, I don't think so. Think about ooh, think about, um, thinking about heat espresso. Eba, who,

and about a sweetened espresso. That sounds like that Peter Griffin's saying. It was on. And low his joy. I don't think that helped him at all. No idea what that is. Think about who I was trying to appear. Oh, my God.

I like that they're like, we're not going to do espresso drinks. Like, if you want them, obviously, this is the wrong place to go. But, again, I like that they're like, no, our menu is streamlined. We're focused on making this type of coffee. But it's not streamlined. Yeah, you are correct. Yes, you're correct. It's not streamlines.

You know what? It's a great point. If what they're trying to be good at is, like, confusing coffees, they've knocked out of the park. Okay, these are good notes. And I think that's totally fair. That, like, it's... Also, by the way... They have too much going on right now, but the stuff that they built there, that Phils is built

on is very solid and that's why I have some Savannah for it. Blue bottle has got yeastie boys right outside of it you know what I mean? I think that depends on the blue bottle

and that's all you're referring to yeasty boys which is a I'm talking about Los Felis specifically you're getting so hyper specific with the geography of national chains

that they have a bagel truck that you like that's specific to L.A. Oh you listeners about me? It's my experience is what I know, okay? What do you want from me?

That's what I know. Blue bottle is owned by Nestle one of the most evil corporations on earth. Anyway, it's... Well, that's why the hot chocolate says. It's time for a segment. I don't know surprised that I don't use Giaredel.

It's time for a segment. It's our original version of the defunct one got to go meme. It's a single item must be banished. Back to school edition. Back to school edition. These were compiled by Amelia because this episode is coming out in September.

It's coming out September. Look, that's not that far off. We're almost in September. It's literally next week. It's yes. It's very close. I just want to say this. And you're worried about it aging poorly.

It's not that far. behind. I've got to say this. Yeah. First of all, congratulations to Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey. They're engaged, but I bring that up because we did an ASCAT with our best friend, Jason Kelsey. Wow. How about that. And you're a birds fan, and it was a huge.

And also, exciting. I loved that Joe Wenger came after. The Eagles game. Joe Wenger, the best, came after the Eagles game to meet Jason Kelsey. He was going to do the ASCat, I think. but then had to go to an Eagles game. Yeah. And what a delight he was.

He was incredible. Also, very hot. Like, he was looking good. He looked great. Hey, Jason, keep it up. Sorry to your wife. But yeah. Go birds.

Wow. Go birds indeed. He did look great. He did look. Apologies to your wife. He did look great. I don't think the, I wouldn't imagine your wife is upset to hear that you're like attractive. Well, the way I'm saying it is different

from the way he's saying. No, it's not. He, there was a, I think we maybe even said this on the last time you were on, but there was a very, we were like, we're going to buy Jason Kelsey's shots and we bought, we bought Jason Kelsey to kill a shots.

He was like, oh man, and he did him with us. Yeah. And then, uh, there's video evidence of it. There's video evidence of it. And then I bought him a second shot. And he went, I think his response was, what the hell? Bitch. He immediately was like caught on to me as a human being. It was like, you're too much.

This is too much shit. But he did. He did it. He did it. He was hanging with us. He was a great, he was a great hang. Yeah. He was really, really nice guy too. And that's what you want when you meet your heroes. He was very nice. Super Bowl champion. Congrats to your, congrats to you on your brother's engagement day. Yes. Yes. Just, what, one degree of separation between us and Taylor Swift. That's true. Wow. She might be be hanging with us soon. Get her on the show. Get her on doughboys.

This is a single item must be banished back to school edition. First up, cafeteria staples. We have rectangle pizza, ham and cheese sandwich, chicken nuggets, and tater tots. I mean, I'm curious about the inclusion of ham and cheese sandwich. Is that meant to be like you brought from home inclusion? No, no, that's like a cafeteria sandwich. A ham and cheese sandwich? You guys didn't have that?

Not in our day. Or turkey and cheese? No. No, I don't remember ever seeing just like a straight-up sandwich at the... I mean, I'm sure that we did have, like, a peanut butter and jelly. Peanut butter and jelly. Yeah, sure. But never...

What if it's just any sandwich? I think peanut butter and delis are, like, gone now because of peanut allergy. Oh, right. Yeah. Like, I know a lot of schools won't let you bring. Like, you'll see snacks now that say school's safe because they can't have certain nuts in them. Have you replaced that with a PB&J, things would get tricky. Yeah.

What would you do in that case? What would you do in that case? Let's replace it with a PB&J. Yeah, make it a freebie and J. Honestly, oh my God, this is actually fucking hard. I know my answer. What's that? I think the chicken nuggets would go. Wow. Yeah. I was between chicken nuggets

or tater tots, and if it was the P.B&J, I may be crazy enough would get rid of tater tots. But Elias is always that square pizza. Actually, you know what? I maybe would get rid of the chicken nuggets, too. I think I agree. I think it would be chicken nuggets for me. Although I like chicken

nuggets. I have such affection for cafeteria tater tots and for rectangle pizza. And although I don't eat peanuts anymore. There was a time when I peanut butter was a staple of my diet and a PB&J would have been quite satisfied. I would definitely take that. Poor kids. The poor children. It's still so good. It's still they're the best. Next up. I would do straw. I love strawberry now. When as a kid I loved grape jelly. But as now as I've grown up my tastes have refined, I like strawberry. I'll do strawberry, but oftentimes

in my house we had Boisenberry, which is because yeah, there's, well no, here's the thing. We're, like, they just have, we're not, but we're by Knott's Berry Farm, the theme park in Southern California. They just have Knott's Berry, like, they just have the jam at the grocery store. So we would just, and, and, and Bois and Berry is, like, one of their staple. So we just get, like, Knott's Bois and Berry jam and have that all the time. They gave you Bois and Peanut Bar, or was your mom making it? Yeah, my mom would make it. My dad would make it.

Yeah, but I, you know, I have strawberry too. I think grape would probably be, you know, I will just have less affection for grape jelly in general. People, the Mount Clownmore episode came out today, and people were like, how did he not choose Wigers' dad? Because I always say Wigers. By the way, an intelligent great man. I call him a clown-ass dad. A great man, who I love. Retired educator.

Retired educator, a million times smarter than I could ever hope to be. Not to mention his son. Son is kind of a dumb ass. They were like, you did that Mount Clown. Cloutmore and you didn't include Wags Dad. That was going to be my pick and I just fucking forgot to do it. I fucking forgot. So there

you have it. I meant to have your dad on my Mount Clountmore. I think it was important that we pointed it out. Sorry. By the way, this whole tray has got to go. The chicken nuggets tray? What the fuck is this? You got the fruit salad looks like shit. Celery

is crazy. I did. I don't know what you're dipping those celery sticks in. But also, what the f is that ketchup behind it. It looks like it looks like ketchup. It looks like ketchup is supposed to be your dipping sauce, which is not going to be my first pick for chicken nuggets, but sometimes you've got to work with what they give you.

I will say... The top's got a burger on that plate with a little chocolate milk. I will say, I used to like that sort of fruit cocktail. That used to be something I was into when I was a kid. But I don't think I'd like it anymore. Yeah, with the juice or the syrup. All right, next time. So you're the guy that kids would give

their fruit cocktail to? Oh, look. There's a beaches. Oh, man. Cafeterious sweets. Chocolate chip cookie, chocolate brownie, pudding cup or fruit cup. So easy. I wonder which one's going to go. The fruit got to go. The fruit has got to go.

Especially if it's dessert. I was obsessed with these fruits. I mean, I like those fruit cups too, but come on. But not is my dessert. I think I lose the pudding. What? Because I got chocolate chocolate. Give me some fruit to mix it up.

Here's something crazy. After that, I maybe would lose the cookie. Yeah. That's exactly right. That's exactly right. That's, yes. That would maybe be the second one. It's fruit cookie pudding brownie.

Wow. That's my order. I got to have that cookie. Next up, cafeteria beverages. We got regular milk, chocolate milk, strawberry milk, and orange juice. This is so, again. Strawberry milk, first of all, what rich school is this?

My strawberry milk and boisenberry fucking peanut butter and boisenberry sandwich. Klein Peter, I've never seen that brand before. Klein Peter's strawberry milk. Suncup orange juice. I would say strawberry milk has got to go, but I honestly think just I don't want to drink regular milk. At school, I'm going to get made fun of.

Oh, if you have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, though, that changes everything. I actually think, so a fun of a little story about me, the first time I, like, I guess this was first grade, and I got chocolate milk. Like, I smelled the carton before I drank it and threw up. Oh, yeah. And that really fucked up carton chocolate milk for me. Wow. So I would probably get rid of the chocolate milk. The stench of the carton itself?

It was like the combination of, like, the, the material. Paper of the carton with the chocolate milk, really. I was like, no, this is bad in my stomach. I had a very weak stomach as a child. Wow. That will, that will fuck you. That will fuck you up. Yeah.

That's what, for me, you know what? You mentioned lemon pepper wings earlier. And when I went to Atlanta, I had some great lemon pepper wings. But I don't love like a lemon chicken normally. And the lemon pepper wings work for me. I think it's because of the pepper. Yeah. But I had the same thing where I threw up and I couldn't deal with it.

But also, I say that you make a good choice because the tray is a carton of chocolate milk and ketchup next to it, it looks like. Well, you don't have to use the ketchup. That's just part, yeah. I just pull random photos from the internet. Yeah, don't get held up on the details of the, the, I'm just saying, there is a very strange tray that's going on there. I don't know what's happening. I am going, like, I like, I love, I love regular milk. It's kind of crazy how much chocolate milk we were given as children.

Like, that was something healthy. I think it probably still happens, I would assume. but it's like fat-free chocolate milk. I remember that specifically, which is just like, so it's just got a bunch of extra sugar for flavor. And they're just like, oh, we're getting kids to drink milk. I don't think any aspect of this is healthy. But I would drink two chocolate milks with lunch.

I got the adult version of that today with the mocha coffee or whatever. I'm going to say this. How many times when you were younger did you drink a carton of milk that was like expired? Because it happened to me so, like way more than sugar. I was going to ask when you said you threw up when you smelled it. There was a chance it was bad. Was it rancid? It wasn't the, it wasn't rancid.

Like, it, it was just, like, there's just something about, like, like, wet paper that really fucks me up. Yeah. Because, like, when, there was one time when I was a kid when I did communion, like, at the altar, and, like, it was one of those, like, like, foam wafer? It was a foam wafer. Like, there's, yeah. And, like, they put it on my tongue, and, like, it dissolved before they gave me my juice. And I was like, no. Oh, and I threw up on the altar.

Oh, my God. What happened? My, so my grandfather... I think you can't get into heaven. I think that's what it means. Don't say that. I got up. My grandfather was a pastor, and he was, like, guest preaching at that church, and they

were so embarrassed. Like, him and my grandma were so embarrassed. My grandma just, like, dragged me by the arm and took me, like, back into the bathroom. And I was just like, I mean, oh, I don't know. It just didn't taste good. Jesus' body tasted bad. Yeah. It really needs the blood.

It needed the blood. Yeah, there's like wet paper really, so I, like, I learned to drink from cartons from straws. That is a beat that would happen in an evil child. Yes, yes, it is. And it happens to be in real life. It's like a problem child, three scene or something. Well, I wasn't thinking a problem child.

I was thinking more like a horror thing. Oh, okay. I guess it could also be a problem child It could happen to problem child There are barf scenes in problem child It's true I felt like Matilda like she'd get in trouble On Matilda or something

Not to go back to Trump But he was just very recently worried About getting into heaven His line about being like I think this might actually get me into heaven Which is such an insane thing It's probably because his hand is dying That he's thinking about this

Yeah Just his hands down I think the strawberry milk's got to go I think that that would be my one I would exercise. Mine is either regular milk or strawberry milk depending on if I had a P.B&J. Yeah, but that orange juice is staying. The orange juice has got to stay in. Honestly, maybe the orange juice I would drink first of all these options.

Wow. It's funny that they're all milk except for one OJ. Orange juice is my favorite beverage. Wow. I love orange juice. Like fresh, this is obviously not fresh squeeze orange juice, but fresh squeeze orange orange juice, I love it. You got to try Hurricane Mitch, a classic that I created, which is orange juice.

in Captain Morgan. Oh, that does have fun. It sounds simple. It's a very simple drink. It was good. That was that I used to drink back in the day. I like it. Next up, vending machine snacks.

We got Rice Krispy Treat, mini bag of Doritos, mini bag of cheeseettes, and Pop-Tart. Amelia, you fucked up here with just one choice because the Pop-Tarts have got to go.

Yeah. But then after that, it is like, maybe the hardest choice of my entire life. The Pop-Tarts have got to go. You said that's so nonchalantly. No, I agree.

The Pop-Tarts are fucking. You say that these are so easy, but the last, for the, for the beverage one, you guys spent five minutes discussing which ones here. I had my answer. I had my answer. I had a mini bag of cheese it today. So the cheese is staying. I can say that. I think I have an unpopular. Go for it. So I think Pop-Tarts are going because if I'm going, if I'm going to eat a Pop-Tart, I need the, I'm getting it from a box that I buy. But I think Doritos are going. Wow. Yeah.

Yeah, because I don't want my breath to stink in school. Oh, I can see that. In that context, that makes sense. Yeah. Even elementary you, you cares about that? Elementary school kids are mean. That's true. It's a great point.

I always got stuff for like, people always said I had stuff on my lip forever. Like I was like one of those kind of kids who like was like a little sloppy. And then went over to adulthood too. But, and they would make fun of me for that. But I feel like breath stuff didn't. Yeah. Like, I don't know. I can't remember being a child.

Pop-Tarts. I never was I like Pop Tarts enough where I would keep those over Rice Krispy treats I actually don't like packaged Rice Krispy Treats that much That's insane to me Yeah I just like I don't know

The Package Rice Krispie Trees are a great School snack I think you're out of your mind I like them if they're like made like a confection But I but like the pre-packaged ones I'm just not as into Let me where this would be Can I tell these scenario where this would be much harder for me Yeah

Bag of Goldfish where the Pop Tarts are I had goldfish at first and I switched because I wanted too savory, too sweet. Yeah. But goldfish would be fucking hard as hell. I don't know what I would. I don't know what I would do. I think that Doritos and Cheez-Its are maybe just safe no matter what for me.

And then goldfish, I don't know. Goldfish versus Rice Krispie Cheese is really hard for me. Next up, healthy snacks. I choose to kill myself instead of ants. We got ants on a log, ants on a log, carrots and ranch, apple slices, and trails. mix. I have a crazy answer for this one.

Yeah, go for it. I think this is easy for me, but go ahead. I think this answer might be crazy, and I don't know if you guys will agree, but I'm getting rid of the trail mix. Yeah, that's crazy. I think I'm keeping the trail mix. I think for me, it's the ants on a law. It's the ants on the law.

Oh, really? Yeah, even though I like a little celery crunch and I like the peanut butter, I don't need them raisins on there. Celery sucks. Oh, the raisins. I just don't need that. And, like, I just is so attracted to the peanut butter. What if you swap the raisins for me?

A little M&M. Yeah, but I think that's different than what's depicted. But yes, in that case, it might be a little bit of a different with depicting. She said, what if it is? What if you did? What if you did, I think it'd still get rid of the answer to the law. Yeah. Celery pisses me off.

Celery sucks. I think it is just a waste of calories. There is just no calories in it. When you burn more calories eating celery than you do, what? That's part of it. That's part of its asset, though. I don't think it is. I like celery, and in fact, if we're talking about them carrot sticks and ranch, I'd rather have celery sticks and ranch.

And if we're talking about at a, you know, we're getting them with wings, I like having some carrots sticks, but I like having some celery sticks as well. I'm a celery enthusiast. Salary is, celery is, what, you're a celery enthusiast? Yeah, I like celery. Stringy water? You like water that's stringing? Stringy water. I love celery.

I don't like celery. I still will put peanut butter on celery now as an adult, so. I like peanut butter and celery because you're eating peanut butter basis. But if you're going to put peanut butter on anything, put it on apples. You know what? This pissed me off enough that I'm now eliminating celery, I'm eliminating ants on a log. I think a child me would have been disgusted by Trail Mix. As an adult, I don't mind it.

But as a kid, no chance I was eating. Those apples, the apples just look fucking good. They look incredible. Amelia, perfect image here. Wherever you caught this one, this is fantastic. Thank you, thank you. Next one, a single item must be. banished drinks. Capri Sun, Snapple. Oh, damn it.

U-hoo. I did this on purpose. I knew that you let me read them off for audio listeners. Capri's Sun, Snapple, You-Hoo, and Water Fountain. Water Fountain. Or look, there's, yeah, the bubbler. Look, there's been times where I've been so thirsty and drinking ice cold water out of the water fountain is next level. Come on, come on. I knew it would make you mad. That's why I put it there. Well, mission accomplished. You fucking made me pissed off.

And also, like a Coca-Cola or something. Like, there is, there's other- Do you have Coca-Cola in your school? I think that there was soda in our future. We had Fruitopia. That was the, like, closest thing to soda we had. This was a Bill Clinton era initiative. He banned sodas in school.

And so, yeah, they had some sweet drinks, which they probably shouldn't have any of those. They probably should be all sugar-free. I bet now it's all-inclair and stuff. So. Worst thing he ever did. You talking about, like, drinking from the water fountain. I don't like you who because it's it's a drink it's chocolate drink I know it's not milk I think

you who is pretty gross I think you who actually this is actually would you who go I think you who goes because like you talking about like coming in from a hot day and you're just like drinking from a like a psychopath is like yeah there's nothing feels like that anymore that is true and also you know here's here's what it's really it's really good is you're at that water fountain you're you turn it you push the button and you're drinking from it and you're like and then you hear like mm and that means it's like cooling the water and you're like ah and you feel you just it's ice cold going into your mouth uh you who's an easy banish for me as well i i think that one's actually going to make me

sick of the of these options i also like water fountain i'm not just keeping i think it's my number one i like i like snapple i like snaple i like capri as a kid i like caprice son as a kid Um, I'll still have a Snapple now and again, but like, you know what? You want me over. If that was a quick box instead of you, I'd be on board. But, but the thing, like, like, like, like, you get just got to fucking hydrate. And, and like, that's the one that's like, like, I don't know. That's what I want the most.

It's just water. I just, I just want my, my thirst quenched. I just, like, you put grape-bade snapple up there. Grapeed Snapple is so fucking good. That is like, that is like old version where it's still in glass bottle. Yeah, I used the glass bottle photo for the nostalgia. factor and same with the Capri Sun pouches that those are banned too

do they not have glass bottle snaples anymore glass bottle is all plastic now they're all plastic? Why did you move to plastic what the fuck? The answer is because it's cheaper but it sucks Capri Sun is now they're no longer in the pouches they're in the plastic bottle as well yeah they have boxes now so they've lost that that part of the novel thing I know

then you blow it up at the end and you're like look I still have a drink If you had sunny to light up there with... I had Sunny D. I had Sunny D and I switched her. When I was younger, Emma, we would blow up the Capri Sun Pouches and then pop them. Yeah. And to make a big gun-like noise, which now I'm sure is not appreciated in schools. Maybe that is.

You know what? It could be a good reason to get rid of the pouches. Single-use plastic pisses me off so much. It just makes everything worse and it's so fucking bad for the environment. It's horrible. But it's cheaper. Next up, subject. math, science,

English, and recess. Who the fuck would get rid of recess? Who's getting rid of recess? I don't know you now. Recess a subject. Also, I will say, I don't think, I mean, I guess you're thinking in elementary school where just like, you're certainly not doing,

you're not learning about mitochondria, algebra, or reading the Great Gatsby in elementary school when you're also going on a jungle gym. So I'm not sure of any of these images, exists with the concept of recess. I could think study hole or no, no, yeah, lunch where you could What about social studies or history?

I mean, yeah, you could do that too. Least favorite subject here. Yeah, you could do that too. I don't know. I like all these. Yeah, this is tough. I guess I'd get rid of recess. You get rid of recess? I want to learn these other things.

Yeah, but you're having fun with your friends. You're learning social skills. I think you should go to recess. Maybe you're having fun with your friends. you're in the corner popping capri sunbags I mean that jungle gym also looks really far it does look fun here's the question here's the issue for me

I was decent at math so I liked doing it because I was just I get rid of gym I did get rid of I did get rid of gym I would always skip gym that's like everyone in my school would skip gym which was like you would just walk you know what I mean you would skip or you'd leave school basically which you weren't supposed to

but you'd leave school for the day um science I love like biology is fun but then when you get into like some chemistry stuff I don't like that's where I check out on science I like the animal side of science my girl my jimmy girl and then at one point with science

I like when you're doing the periodic table of elements that shit sucks I like learning the periodic table I like it yeah I think I think English might have to go for me wow yeah a professional writer wow professional writer saying goodbye to English I know

Oh. Yeah. I don't know. Reading comprehension in school. Fuck it. I mean, English class could also be like it could be very boring. If you didn't read the book, you were in trouble. It's like the pressure of reading the book where it's like you put a math problem in front of me. It's like, yeah, I can do it. And science. I don't know. Science is cool and fun in many ways. But when it gets into the boring science, it sucks. And also, there's a lot of science I don't believe. I would say the most, like, the thing I didn't learn like this. The thing I learned in English that I found that made me that was a really useful life skill is like not reading the book but being able to bullshit my way through an essay and still get a good grade. I was just like, okay, now I just know how to fucking fake it. I know how to use, you know, like that I found very useful.

All right. Finally, school figures, a single item must be banished. teacher lunch lady custodian or principal oh they're all underpaid yeah that's i don't know who we're gonna banish here um uh yeah you know custody how are you how are you gonna banish the lunch lady with farley as the lunch lady from lunch lady land that's impossible uh the principal is the stern daddy stock photo which we've previously used on the podcast here's the issue my sister currently a principal my mom a former english teacher and then so i got I guess I'll just eliminate one of the two blue-collar worker jobs.

My principal and my high school was like he ended up like assaulting someone or something. He was like a bad guy. So I would eliminate him. Yeah, I guess of all these I would probably be principal who's the management. My sister. I know your sister is a principal. Courtney is a good principal. I'm just saying like this is a tough choice we have to make.

How about students? In my high school, bye-bye principal. Yeah. Can we eliminate the students, the most annoying thing of all of it? Get rid of the kids. No, guidance counselor. Get rid of the books. This is part of the game.

You have to choose one of these. You know, I'm not banishing that teacher, hey, buddy? My school, I went to a very small private Christian school, graduating class of 30 people. Wow. So, like, my principal was also my history teacher from seventh and twelfth grade. Oh, wow. My, like, homeroom teacher was my basketball and softball coach. Wow.

Like, a lot, there was, like, a lot of overlap, and we didn't have a janitor. I think the teachers cleaned the school. Oh, my God. That's crazy. So, like, these are all the same people to me. Wow. So if I get rid of one, I get rid of all of them. What a wildly different experience.

I went to a public high school with 4,000 students. Yeah. I got to eliminate the janitor. Live in your filth, you little swine. He's wearing a mask. Yeah, I know, it's a good, that's actually why I'm. That's why I'm eliminating him because of the mask. Just that was a single item must be banished.

Just like a restaurant value of your feedback. That's up with the feedback. You got all these images from Rule 34, right? Yes, I did. We actually have a voicemail to listen to today. Hi, no, boys. I'm currently in the jack-in-the-box drive-through. I've been here for 40 minutes now.

I am two cars away from getting my order. It has been so slow, so terrible. obviously there's like two people working and it sucks for them so like that's fine but my question is what's the longest you've waited in line for food whether that's a drive-through or like in an actual physical queue or line or whatever you call it i don't know and was it worth it anyway uh spoon nation for life hell yeah hell yeah thank you Wow. That was the most beautiful thing I've ever witnessed.

It's incredible. That was great. We can get you to see more stuff. 40 minutes for Jack in the Box is rough. You're also like at that this feels like a late night voicemail, I'm guessing. Sure. That sounds like a true member of Spoon Mansion there, waiting in a car for 40 minutes for Jack in the Box. So maybe it's your option.

Yes, obviously a lot of these places are understaffed, sadly. Maybe it's the only option. It might be the only option, but also I think there's an element of sunk cost fallacy. Like you get one of those lines, just like, ooh, it's kind of long. All right. Well, and then you're in it for a little bit, and you're just like, I'm not going to give up right now, right? Yeah. So you're just there for too long, for too much of your life is dedicated towards getting this meal.

I mean, I've certainly waited for 40 minutes for in and out burger, but that's a wholly different experience. And I also know what I'm getting into when I queue up there. I'm trying to think of the longest time I've waited in a 50. physical cue or line for food, certainly had like lengthy dining experience, but a long, a super long, you know what? Actually, I do have, I do have a specific one. Howlin Ray's, which we reviewed on the podcast with Camille a few years back, howlin raise used to have a super long line. Like, Howlin Reyes is a hot chicken place that there's, there was just one location in L.A. that did not deliver for a long time, especially pre-pandemic. And so I have

queued up for, I queued up for two hours at Howland Rays. And two hours, yeah. They used to have really fucking insanely long lines back when it was super popular. And let me tell you, worth it. It's fucking good. I also will say for the podcast. You were with friends. Yeah, true. For the

podcast, oh, we had Howland Rays before PWG, didn't we? We did, yeah. I wasn't there. But I, I think maybe Carlson got me a sandwich. Yeah. See, I didn't, every time I've gone, I haven't had a way. The longest wait for the podcast at a restaurant that I, or like at a fast food restaurant that I remember is another chicken place. Popeye, when Popeye said the chicken sandwich, I remember those cues were like crazy and we waited over an hour for that one.

Oh, yeah. But yeah, but that also worth it, very good sandwich. I mean, look, is it ever worth it? Sometimes, yeah, it just is. But like, because you want the food and you're going to get it no matter what. But like, if you zoom out a little bit, it's not worth it, really. sure. I mean, for me, there's, if you're waiting, I, like, I'm waiting for more than an hour. My answer is Del Taco. That is just the answer is that I've waited the most in Del Taco lines.

We've talked about this before. That Sunset Boulevard, which is not far from here, Del Taco, if you, I used to, and I never go to it anymore. I go to the one in Atwater, if I go anywhere. But, uh, I would wait like 45 to an hour or something in that line. Yeah. I just be like, it's 1 a.m. and I want Del Taco and I'm just going to sit here or whatever. But, um, one of the few late night options and but yeah they're they're generally understaffed they're kind of get your order wrong you know yeah that's what I was going to say a lot of the time not working because of that too but you're just like you you got to eat something yeah yeah um I feel like I don't wait that long and like I don't like lines same um and if if there is a long line for

something I'm like I don't deserve it but I guess like I guess like late night in Brooklyn Glen, like in Williamsburg, there's a, there's a, like, Middle Eastern restaurant called Oasis, and they have, like, incredible falafel sandwiches. And that's probably the longest I've waited. It's just, like, after something lets out and, like, people are just, like, out, and they're just waiting in line. And it's probably only been 20 minutes because they're very fast at what they do. It's just dumping falafel in a thing and be like, you want this, you want this, you want this, So it's like, it's going, but like 20 minutes, yeah.

20 minutes is that, to me, I'm like, that's fine. Yeah, I'll do 20 minutes any day. Fast food stuff is like the different stories because if it was like, hey, the way to McDonald's is an hour. It's like you get yourself into the situations. Right. And like you said, some cost fallacy or whatever. It's like, okay, I have been at this del taco for 30 minutes. I'm going to get my meal and I'm like two people away or whatever.

Yeah. But when it comes to restaurants, yeah. I think for me, like, the limit is an hour and then I don't want to wait anymore, unless it's that sort of thing of like, we'll come back and then you come back or whatever, but. Yeah, if you put your name, if you put your name and they'll be like, it's going to be an hour wait. At a hillstone, it's not an issue because they give you a longer time. They're very smart about the psychology there.

The hillstone, you know what they're doing. They'll generally give you a longer time, a longer window. So I'm like, they give me an hour. It's like, I'll probably get in there like 40 minutes. Like, that's fine. But generally, like, I don't want to wait that long. I'll go to a different option. But I don't know, it's like, it's so easy to make reservations now that I just, like, I just do it on fucking open table or Rezi or one of these fucking apps that I'm just like, I'm rarely walking into a restaurant and just hoping I get a table, especially if I know it's busy.

Yelp does that too where you can like join queues online and we discovered that where I live is close enough to the Glendale like Dintai Fong that we can get on it from home. You might be close enough too. I surprised me that we could do it. And we did it on Valentine's Day and we joined the queue for. two of us at 4 p.m. and we sat at 8.30, but they at 4 p.m. were like, you'll sit at 8.30 and, like, to the minute, we sat at 8.30. Like, even four and a half hours ahead of time, they knew exactly how long it was going to take. And it was crazy. It was like, there are 360 parties ahead of you in line. And we were like, no chance we get in tonight. And we did.

It was crazy. And it was fun. You were just watching it. I did it from my couch. And then we were like, I guess we should leave now. And like, it was awesome. It's based on mileage. You have to be like within a certain distance from the restaurant. I recently learned they deliver. They do. And to me, which is, you know. Dangerous. Yeah.

Yeah. I didn't think I was close enough, but. Well, thank you for doxing all of us, Emma. Yeah, we all are on the east side of Los Angeles. I think I'm the worst version of myself in a line. I don't like a hot line. A hot, oh, God, hot line. I think also like just the first. fact that I'm impatient

so I don't like to wait in a line especially for food. Sure. Especially for food but I also am like so like I have such a thing of like I don't like people cutting in line and like so I'm like I get a little too much into like Hawk mode where I'm like what does this guy do? Oh I'm ready to come from I'm ready to fight if someone gets in a line. Yeah I don't like so I

don't like I that's what I'm going to avoid the lines if that's how I am when I'm in line I don't got to stay in the line cutting is basing is breaking the solar compact. You just cannot fucking do it. Yeah. What are we But then there's people who are just dumb and they get confused. There's, like, so much shit like that. That you can be like, oh, actually, the line starts over here. That's usually a fine interaction.

But then there's some dumb guy who's like, well, I've been here for 45 minutes. And then you're like, well, fuck. Well, this is the issue. That lines suck. I like a well-managed line. You know, we're talking about LA restaurants, Tito's Tacos, the only way better than Tito's Taco is, too. They have, like, a really well-managed cue. And that can, like, that's another place.

You could end up waiting 45 minutes just standing in line there. but it's, um, uh, that's like, that's a very pleasant line experience. Yeah. I, I, I, I, I, as long as a place knows what they're doing, as long as it's organized, as long as there's some guideposts, you know what I mean? But if it's just like a zoo, it's just like, where are we supposed to be standing? Are you in line? Is this, does a line start here?

It's snaking the wrong direction. Sometimes they'll tell you to like, actually we get guys, we're going to need the line to move this way and they'll like, like, like, like, like, have to switch, snake the whole line over the other side of the restaurant. I'm just, just, just, just fucking let, I'm, I'm, just let us know what we're supposed to be doing here. Yeah. lines are the problems in America. Lines are the problem in America, Weig's. This is an old sketch I did that Jack Black came and sang to Weiger and I in the Comedy Central when we went in to meet for the Do Boy Show. Jack Black saw Weiger and I and came up singing the problems in America to Wags and I.

And then Wig's left to go fill his meter. I don't want a ticket. If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurant, you email at Feedback at BirdFuck.com. We'll leave us a voicemail 830-4-63. 6-8-44. Our producers, Emma Urbink, our associate producers, Emilie Marino, our video editor is Mike Dorfman. Do-Boys apparel and merchandise is available in partnership with kinship goods at kinshipgoods.com slash doughboys. And you can get the Do-Boys double-a-weekly bonus episode, plus our entire pre-2018back catalog at patreon.

com slash doboys. Crenwells. What a delight. Thanks so much. What a pleasure. I'd love to. Anything you would like to plug? Um, no. No, I don't think so. I mean, if you're in L.A. Come to Ask Kat.

Come to UCB in general. You might see us there. Yeah, you might see us there. Great thing to do if you're visiting in L.A. A lot of your favorite podcast hosts and guests, you'll see just appearing on stage. That's right. Yeah. There you go.

Come on down. And hey, welcome to the main feed. Oh, yes. Hell do it for this episode of Dope Boys. I'll end up next time. For this movie, by Mike Mitchell, I'm Tucker while you're happy eating. See ya. Bye.

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