Doughboys - Publix with Jon Gabrus

Episode Date: April 9, 2026

Jon Gabrus (@gabrus, Staying Alive) joins the 'boys to talk Florida adventures, partying, and Bahama Breeze before a review of Publix. Plus, another edition of Drank or Stank.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSources for this week's intro:https://edition.cnn.com/2023/07/02/politics/trump-desantis-covid/index.htmlhttps://www.newsweek.com/trump-explains-ron-desanctimonious-nickname-ron-desantis-1807999https://www.thinkglobalhealth.org/article/did-florida-get-it-right-against-covid-19https://www.flgov.com/eog/news/press/2021/governor-ron-desantis-announces-additional-covid-19-vaccination-sites-publix-0https://www.yahoo.com/news/democratic-mayor-accuses-60-minutes-205225085.htmlhttps://corporate.publix.com/newsroom/category/company-informationSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to YouTube.com slash doughboys media. One of the things I've been promising to do, and I'm the only guy that can do it, is have a reckoning for all this COVID stuff because government power was abused. These were the words of Florida governor Ron DeSantis amid his 23 bid for the GOP presidential nomination.

Later, Trump would call him Meatball Ron and beat him by a million percentage points. But the Sunshine State Chief Executive's COVID-19 critiqued. was a full reversal from where it stood just two years earlier, as Florida, with its famously high senior population, was particularly vulnerable to the novel coronavirus. And while the state resisted the lockdowns mandated elsewhere in the country, DeSantis was personally at the vanguard vaccine distribution, even doing a press event alongside a World War II veteran

as he received his COVID shot live on Fox and Friends. And to distribute vaccines rapidly in the sprawling suburban state, the DeSantis administration turned to the pharmacies of Florida's, largest grocery chain. Founded in 1930 in Winterhaven by a man known as Mr. George, with its name borrowed from a soon-to-shutter movie theater chain, the grocer has come to dominate the southeast region of the country and developed a fierce fandom for its fully customizable made-to-order sub-sambuages. Omnipresent in the Gator State, the stores were often the closest landmark for vulnerable populations who would be vaxed en masse. While 60 minutes would report an expose on the grocery store Governor

Alliance's pay-to-play, politicians of both parties rejected that story. Of course, Republican voters would come to reject vaccines and also democracy itself, and so DeSantis opportunistically pivoted to the anti-vax, anti-Fauchy stance now openly made policy by the nation's health secretary. But whatever your stance on vaccines or whether seed oils cause autism, if you live in Florida, you live near one of these grocery stores and their subs are basically a staple of your diet. This week on Doe Boys, Publix poolside Welcome to Do Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants.

I'm Tiger Weiger, along with my co-host. Former Orlando Magic Star Anfurny, not Hardaway. The Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. Wags, I'm Mahalo Mitch today. You're Mahalo Mitch today. How about that? Mahalo, my good man. Mahalo to you as well.

Wow. We're down here and it's the Doe Boys. Hold on. I had it written down. It's the dope. We'll take this. Hold on. Yeah, we'll reset this.

Yeah, we'll reset this. All right. All right. Let's clap. Wags, it's doughboy spring break. Potty till the sun goes down. Potty till the sun goes down. There's some alts here. Gabris, you want to take an alt?

Sure. Potty in here. Oh. Oh, sorry. You want me to read them. Oh. Pubs, pods, and poolside. That's right.

Puds. Pubs. Pugs. Pugs. Mabris. Potts in poolside. No, pubs. Publix.

Publix. Publix. Poolside podcast. Piggy's out. Presented by Publix. Poolside, Piggy's out, pod presented by Publix. Let's get it potted in here. We are podcast in poolside with our puds out. With our puds out.

Our pets out. Our feet. We're not doing an auto focus yet. Potting with pads. Potting with beds. Podding. Yeah, that Peds has a good connotation these days. Pottin with the Pett elite.

We're talking about how good our feet are. That should be our listeners should be potophiles. Thanks to all the potophiles out there. Thank you, potophiles. I'm a bit of a potophile myself. A future news headline. Weiger used PEDs while on the podcast. Oh, wait.

No, never mind. Way worse. Way off. We're having fun in the sun. We are having fun in the sun. We are having fun in Zesan. Yeah. The sun is fun.

The sun is fun. The sun is fun. Wise we went to a community pool today. We sure did. It was a nightmare. It was a nightmare. We had a bunch of unsupervised children running full speed poolside and crowding a slide that clearly did not have the weight capacity for the number of kids using it.

I wanted to use it. Gabor said you should not use it. Look at the way it shakes when a child is on it. Yes. And then a big guy did go down that thing at one point. A big guy who forced it. his child to sit on him chicken fight style, sit on his

shoulders. The kid was holding on to the rail and he screaming no, daddy, no. And then he made him go down like that. That was the dad who we also saw drunk earlier. He said the ice cream's fucking great here. And his eyes were like, four year old. And we didn't even like ask him something. We were like, oh shoot they have ice cream. He's like, the ice cream's fucking great here. And his kid was like

I don't think the kid had ice cream. No, he was saying his was the best one. He's like, mine's the fucking mine's the best. And he had like a, he had like some It did look good. It looked great. The child did not have ice cream. No, the kid had an ice cream. There was a little kid had an ice cream.

I'm sorry. I was a little kid with a Superman Michigan ice cream. Yeah, you do love that Superman ice cream. I think it is in Florida a little bit too. You don't find it everywhere. You don't find the Superman ice cream everywhere. How would the next minute have gone if I just licked a, took a big lick of that guy's cone when he held that? I think he would have been like, you're a part of my crew now, brother.

I honestly think he would have loved you. I think you would have respected it. Okay, that's good. I think you're the one guy who can get away with that. I'm going back. Take me back. We are at an Airbnb. Wait, that guy wasn't a part of your family?

He might have been. He had like the same tramp stamp as my uncle. We are at our Airbnb post our Orlando and Tampa Live shows. And shout out to our roaster. Hey, all, big fan and coming to both Florida shows. Can't wait to see y'all. Mark D. Mark D, happy to see you there. Hope you enjoyed yourself.

Mark D. Mark D. Thank you, Mark D. But yeah, we're having fun in the sun. We did. We did a show last night in Tampa Bay Wags. That's right. I think it's just Tampa.

It was an abortion. No, Ebor City. What did you say? An Ebor City. Wait, what's it got? Ebor City. I thought you said because it was an Ebor City, it was an Eborian. The show was an Eborian. Well, we found out E abortion is legal in Florida.

With the fly across state lines for a little abortion. Samoa Joe, a surprise guest. Surprise guest, Samoa Joe. Surprise us all. Those episodes will be on our... I mean, he's the best. He's the best. Those episodes will be on our Patreon in the coming weeks.

But right now, we've got... So check that out over at patreon.com slash doughboys. And join the Golden Plate Club. I'm going to take it again. And join the golden... You're fine. You're fine. Pick up the mic.

Oh, no. Just have a sip of beer. We're walking a fucking razor's edge these last couple days. Everyone is... Even the people who you think are rock salad are falling apart. Even like ordering a sandwich can undo a family. And we'll clean all this up. We're Patreon.com slash doughboys.

joined the Golden Plate Club. You can get all our live shows, including the Tampa and Orlando shows we just referenced. Amelia had a little, we'll get into her spiral a little later. For the record, I was not spiral. Okay, okay. Yeah, you were the most riled up I've seen you, though. I've seen you pretty riled up. I had to tell her that I live in the shit.

The target is always on me. I live in the shit. Amelia briefly became the target. I can't remember whose original formulation was the eye of soron, but the eye of soar on in terms of bullying was on Amelia briefly. The scapegoat. And guess what? You couldn't handle the heat.

I've been in that for 43 years of my life. Since you were zero? When you were a newborn baby, you were the fucking brunt of jokes? When I came out, the doctor made fun of my little dick. He's like, this is it. I'm sorry, Mrs. Mitchell, but this is as much as it'll grow. She was like, his head and he's like, no. The head is unstoppable.

We could do anything. We could put it in a cranial craig for now. Dr. Truth. He wasn't lying. That's the actual name of your doctor? Dr. Truth. This thing's never going to grow. He was right.

But speaking of Samojo, up top, I want to get the sad news out of the way, is that I don't think I'm going back to the third season of Twisted Metal. And I am very, I'm kind of heartbroken about it. I love the show. They're still going to do the show. They're still going to do the show. They're going to do the show without Stu. They've made the executive decision that creatively, financially,

we don't want Mike Mitchell a part of this show. we want to move on without him. As crucial as stew and specifically stew and sweet tooth's relationship has been, the emotional core of the past two seasons, they are just like, forget about that. We're going to, we're going to different direction.

I'm not, as up right now, I don't believe I'm coming back to the show. So I just want to say, I just wanted to get that out of the way so that I don't have to, so people know about it. I'm sure it'll never come up again. So it's good to say,

I've been out there once. You're like famous for dropping stuff. I'm not, I'm not trying to be bitter here. I love the first two seasons of the show. they made changes. The showrunner left and all the writing staff left and they a lot of department heads were like a lot

of people were let go. A lot of our buddies. There's been some upheaval. Our buddies and past guests, MJ and Sean Distin, Gilly Nassim are not returning to the show. I mean, I thought the writing was extremely strong. I thought it was like it was very funny and great storytelling and really efficient over the past two seasons. So that's a bit of bummer

just as a fan of the show. I love the show. I love doing it. I'm heartbroken by it a little bit. But I, you know, I loved the two seasons that we did and I am proud of those two seasons that we made. And I love all the people that I love, I love all the people I worked with. And I love Joe. You know, I mean, I really wanted to do another season with Joe. So as of now, I don't think I'm coming back.

Well, if I, let me be, let me just say here that I believe Peacock and, and the, the, uh, twist and metal is committing hashtag stewicide, if you ask me. It's stewicide. It's stewicide. I'm very, though, I'm, Mitch, I, you say you're not bitter. I think all of us are bitter. Yeah, I think you're not really allowed to be because you have to be, you kind of have to be cool.

This is fucking bullshit. That sucks. And it's not fair. And our industry is broken. And I don't understand how a universal, a fucking billion dollar company, we're going to their theme park, like, which is one of like, you know, whatever, thousands of sources of revenue for this place. They own peacock and they're like, oh, we, we, you know, yeah, we're going to,

we're going to plead poverty because they all do that for everything. It's fucking insane. Yeah. It's so stupid. But also. like, well, so how many Do Boys fans watch Twisted Metal because of you? And the answer is a lot. In fact, I'll reverse it.

How much of Twisted Metal's audience comes from Do Boys? I think a substantial percentage. That's kind of you to say. And you can tell that based on the social media response and based on how engaged our fans are with the show. So, yeah, yeah, hashtag Stuicide, I say, no stew, no stream. Wise. Light up those comments. No stew, no stream.

That's very kind of. You're making me, I love you both. Thank you. That's very, buddy. That's nice to say. I have a feeling. I'm also mad. Yeah, hashtag no studio stream.

I'm riled up. Hundreds of guys with fucking like shoulder hair and beautiful and their beautiful partners are got your back here. Like I'm positive. There's a bunch of people in like misfit shirts who are as upset as we are. So we like let's, you know, Twisted monthful is no more. They don't even get the free fucking marketing that you put out for that.

That's, I mean, we really did promote the show. You went above and beyond almost. any cast member of any show. I love the show. With the exception of Jason Bateman, who I think is just one of the most promotional human beings I've ever seen in any capacity. Indestructible. But yes, who else throws their own fucking, like, themed month to promote the show that they aren't enough to be brought to the third season? There's a lot of things that's confusing about it for me, but I'm trying not to, I can't

stay angry forever because I'll just get sad and angry about it. But I love you guys, and I appreciate that a lot. And I hope we can all compartmentalize that and root for me as Stu in season three. I'm twisted that all. I was saying to Joe, I was like, here's season three stew. I recast it with just a cheaper, fucking worst actor who people like less. People were talking about how much they loved you in MicroBudget on our Reddit just today. Oh, how fun.

You're great in that movie. You have my favorite joke in that movie. You're a great actor. And hey, you would be a great, you would be a great stew. I hope that doesn't happen. I'm allowed to do stew. But anyways, that is, that's all we have to say. That's all I have to, like, Forrest Gump, that's all I have to say about that.

Wow. Finally, you have something in common with Forrest Gump. Look, that hippie chick is running across. She's getting in the pool. Oh, shit, she seems like lightheaded, maybe a little sick. Gaborger's, you have a Gaborita. I have a Gaborger. Let me officially introduce.

We got to play a drop too. We got to play a drop. Wait, Emma, let's hit him with that pool side drop. Oh, here we go. I got a tuna rap. Rap, rap, rap, rap, wrap, wrap, wrap, Swimming in the ocean in the sea. That's a dog for edge.

Swimming in the sea, that's what I see. Tuna. It's a Tuna. Now it's Tanya and the show. Why you're missing. God. Oh, no, no, no. Wow.

Wow. Very cool. Can we hear any of that? Not really. Sorry. But the listeners can. It's not for us. Yeah.

It's not your fault. That, well, I'll read the drop email here. Hey, Jemmy in the team. Here's a drop of Mitch doing a song that is bad

like the podcast, but it made me do something creative in a rough time. So I thank you. Just kidding, Mitch. Mitch has bars and the podcast is good.

That's kind. Nice meeting Emma, Amelia, and Mike at the Wayne Brady show. Wow. Okay. How fun is that? I said hi and also engineer Sam.

Actually, you don't have to. I talk to him all day every day. We just saw Sam in Orlando. We just saw Sam in Orlando. How fun is that? Thanks for making me smile and my diet horrible Chappie. Wow, Chappie, the robot. Chappie wrote in.

I thought I am chappy. Cappy is the one where there's like an insane bidding war for it, right? It was like, because it was his follow up to, District 9. Neil Blomkamp. And everyone was like, oh my God, his next movie's got, and the way the script was being received internally was like, he's written the next E.T. Right.

We got to have this Chappie movie. And so everyone was like going, going fucking. I remember that. Chappie is all gray. E.T. turns gray. Chappie's all gray. That's all great. That's the problem.

Yeah, they fucked up. He should have started brown. What really hit me for that movie, I was like, oh my God, this sounds amazing. And someone's like, and Die Antwood will be starring in it. And I was like, oh, I'm losing it. I'm like, wait, what is this? They're cool. They're cool.

I'm like, I don't, alright, never mind, I'm out. We did our Orlando and Tampa shows. I just wanted to plug real quick. Later this month, we will be in Irvine, April 29th, and San Jose, April 30th, if you're out here, if you're out there in California, where we usually are. So tickets at birdfuck.com slash live, Irvine, San Jose. We'll see you there. Irvine, we'll see you with John Gabris, who's coming with us.

Oh, look at that. Drops at birdfuck.com. And hey, I'll officially introduce them from staying alive in action, boys. John Gabris is here. Hi, Gabris. Hello. Thank you for having me, boys. We love you.

Yeah, I haven't been in the studio in a long time. And again, I'm going to count this as a studio. This counts? Yeah. I've been in a studio in a minute, so I forgot about that whole, like, I'm used to being held off stage in a cage with a few Nick's real dolls. A few chunks of hole of feet with perforated feet. We have Japan rules with Nick's real dolls.

We can't have them out. He'll get too horny and jump on top of them. They have to be in cages. That was a paywalled story. But, yes, I did talk about my experience of the male-only floor on the male-only floors of a Japanese sex store. Well, I just heard the Patreon numbers go up. I'm surprised you PORNo stories

Click and click add to Kark Add to cart I'm surprised you can pull a terminal In that And the fourth of fifth floor Just stayed there Pretend to be one of the dolls Yeah

That when you were trying to walk out They were like We don't think so buddy Back in there Back in the cage Oh My mouth just stays like that We were talking about

Doe Boys fleshlights You were talking about As an Action Boy's flashlight Yeah Making Action Boys Flashlights Would you get your Action Boy's pocket pussies. Would you get your holes molded?

I don't know about that. I think it would just be like you just branded. Just branded. I mean, I have my hole molded, but that's just for like, I replaced all the outlets in my house with like a model of my assholes. So you could just go over and put a USB in. Do people get their throats molded? Oh, that might be, you get your mouth molded? It seems might be dangerous.

I feel you would die. Would you not be able to breathe if you're doing that? Well, dentists figure out how to do it sometimes. Yeah, yeah. You got the nose. Trust me. You can breathe out. What am I saying?

I don't know what's up with the fleshlights. days. I've never owned one. I've never used one. No, I've never needed much more than my hand. That's, I'm honestly too good at jerking off at this point. At some point, your throat, you can't get your throat. You can't completely do your throat. Right. How much of your throat do you need? Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, how much of your throat? I think at least a hole, a part of the hole. Yeah, yeah. But that can, a mouth is like the first part of your throat. Yeah. Yeah, I agree with that. Your mouth bones connected to your throat bone. I mean, for Mitch, you, You're good.

You can basically stop at the incisors, right? Yeah. I could do a pair of wax lips. I get my dick all the way in waxed lips. Gabris, how are you, to call it the name of your great podcast with Adam Pally, how are you staying alive with all this travel? Watching them. I'm asking the same question.

I'm pushing it to the limit a little bit. Yeah, you know, I get a little giddy around my boys and gals, like my buds. I have a little fun. We consume some nasty food. We stay up a little later. We maybe have more booze frequently. We're not tying one on too hard. We're not tying one on too hard.

Yeah, speaker yourself. But yeah, no, I'm trying my best. Someone's a little bit of a wine mom. I've been a wine mom lately. I don't want to say this in front of you because I feel embarrassed to say it, but I have been kind of controlling myself this week. I'm sorry. This is me controlling my.

I'm just amazed because you are, sorry, Burke Kreischer, you are the real machine. Yes, thank you. Yeah, of course. I don't know how you do it. I don't know how you do it either. Because you always drank heavily. How does he do it do it? And you always ate heavily.

Do we have a theory over the producers, I guess, Barka? What is, what is that? I think marijuana makes Gabris and I invincible. That is interesting. That is what every stoner says. The answer is smoking more pot. It's really actually good for you. It's probably the weed.

I did stupid stuff when I was, like, snorted stuff when I was like 50s. 16 and like I lived hard young kind of yeah but then I feel like does that it does partying like that when you're younger make you age faster and maybe maybe I'm just a what sorry please continue your story I'm just delighted by something that the umbrella is spinning the umbrella is spinning I saw it happened before that the umbrella is spinning it's so cute I love it the wind made the umbrella spin a little bit we have a teaky umbrella it's great vibes uh we got a lot of pineapples in there Gabriel said that I had one turned upside down in front of my room door.

I misread the whole thing. You just spilled one of your snacks. They fill your fucking a bowl up with whole fruit like you're an orangutan. Throat, open up the bottom half of Mitch's cage door and slide it in there and you're like Whipping my my CPAP cord at them?

Yeah, I don't know. I'm a bit of, I said it to you earlier. I'm sturdy. You're sturdy. Yeah. And hitting older age being sturdy like that is impressive. You're drinking a gay burrito right now. Yeah.

What is a gay barita? I believe I called it a gatorita in the last, one of the last Chicago show. The night I blacked out and disappeared and didn't see you guys after the show for like four hours. It was a second to last. I was like, I don't need to stay at Airbnb. I'll get a hotel tonight. Booked six rooms didn't stay in any of them. I fought the charges for a month.

And I asked you, the gay burrito is like the Cosby reader, but more quailudes as that it is? It's when you make it for yourself, so it's consensual. I gave myself permission to drink this. I know what's in it. No, at that show, I started drinking Petron and Lemon Lime Gatorade, and I was like, ooh, a Gatorita. And then last night when Skids was making her drinks, when Amelia was making her drinks, she was like, I'm going to copy you and I'm going to do a Gatorita.

And then when she poured it, she's like, I'm having a gay burrito. And I was like, oh, what? I heard gay burrito. But then it was like, oh, shit, it's a gay breit. It's my, it's my, it's a portman. with my name and I was like, oh, I fucking like that. But it's so close to the better name. I like the Gabarita.

Gaborita. Yeah. So I'm drinking at Gaborita. It's a cool blue Gatorade and Patron and I've put so much fucking ice and Gatorade in it and it has not leveled it out. I put way too much Petron in the first time. Is this really bad bath towel in the tableau? And does it look good or bad? I'll take a look. We...

I thought it was there on purpose. We had no idea. We're at an Airbnb. The Airbnb is pretty bad. There's no hot water. Yeah, well, there's no hot water for two days, and then they had to replace the water heater, which meant we had no water at all for half a day. Has anyone tested it since we've been back in the water?

I've not. I've not tested it. The water is on. I don't know if it's hot. The water is on, but I don't think it's hot. We have at least have water. We maybe shouldn't all shower at the same time like we did yesterday. I don't mean that all of us in one shower, to be clear. We have used two showers.

Traditional gendered showers. Right. What are you two laughing out over there? He said, I don't mean all of us in one shower, and I said, yeah, you do. No, this is the Because we've mentioned at our live show There is a Harry Potter themed room That Amelia is sleeping in

And I think because of that They also have a one gender bathroom So there's a very clear boy and girl Delineation that we've been following It's a house rule It's a very funny Airbnb where there's this one Harry Potter room that like no other room of the house is themed very boring

My room is Mickey and Minnie themed Like there's one bed's Mickey one bed's mini and there's like mini Mickey I did not I've not seen inside your room Gabor may know this I have no idea I've only seen it through the night vision camp, so I don't know the colors and stuff. Like Manhunter? I've only seen it in thermal vision. End of silence of the lambs.

Ooh, I wonder if the silence of lambs thing, are they, is it in both books? Because in Manhunter, there is another night vision thing, right? Well, yeah, they used a laser spectral vision to look at, yeah, to look at fingerprints. Okay, okay. I've never read the books, so I can't, I can't speak about. I'm also currently reading or listening to an audiobook called Hannibal A Life. I might want to shout it out real quick. This writer Brian Rafterty.

He wrote that best movie year ever in 1999. Great book also. To Jerry Rafterty? Maybe. I don't know. But this book is about the history of the Hannibal character through books and movies, and it's really fucking cool. Do you want to look up movies related to Jerry Rafterty of Baker Street?

I mean, I kind of want to see if he is. Okay. Is it Rafferty? Because Brian's last name is like Rafterty. It's like a little different. So his name is spelled and pronounced differently. So I over-enunciated it on purpose, but we're still going down this tangent. Baker Street Family Tree from Napa Boys.

Anyways. A lot of fun. Not fun. There's a Mickey Mouse painted Mickey Mouse hole on a wood, on a floorboard over there. Yeah. But no... Mickey Mouse holes like a glory hole, but on the ground. Oh, boy.

Oh, it's molded to my mouth. That's not cheese. Oh, and maybe it's a little cheese. there was cheese on it Okay, maybe just a little cheese I see Mitch's dick Oh, Minnie! He thinks it's a mouse slit?

No I think she was making a pun on the word Minnie. Oh! Oh, Minnie! I thought you were saying it was a mouse clit. He called my dick goofy Because it came left foot first.

Is that, wait, hold on it is the Beach Tchel and the table? It is, but I put it there because it looked beachy and then I just double-checked and it looks great. It looks fantastic. What if I do this?

I love that. Oh, Jesus. Put my feet up on the table. I mean, you look uncomfortable. I am uncomfortable. I am uncomfortable. I'm not going to do this for long.

I wish we had like one of those like save the rec center thermometers of Patreon numbers because it'd be skyrocketing. We've mentioned group showers and Wiger's feet so far. We're going to be fucking plumbing. We were pretty sure that you would fall into the pool. I almost did. I thought I thought. Guys, I don't like honestly, this is what we call jinxing. The pool is right here.

Like it could not be any closer to we have to table right. And it could not be any smaller by the way. The pool is like cartoonishly small. It's like almost dangerous for us to do handstands in. Hasn't stopped us yet. But but also like I am so I am so clumsy and it's getting worse. And we were going to, there was a version of this where we were like going to be like, oh, we'll dangle our feet in the pool or something like that.

And I was just like, I am going to fall in and take the microphones with. We cannot do that. And Emma, who is the most chill, like person was just like, okay, you know what? Yeah, maybe if the mics fall in, that could be a problem. problem. Actually, that really starts to make my job difficult. All right. Yeah, I've never mixed water before as an episode.

Let's put the brakes on that plan. Well, you know what? It didn't matter because our water heater is being swapped out anyway. So we recorded a lot later than we thought we were going to. Yeah, we ate today's meal in the company of two nice young HVAC or plumbing guys who are switching out our hot water heater, who definitely kept smirking and smiling as we kept bringing up shitting fire and stuff like that. Because, you know, we were eating, so of course, we were talking about

fire rea and constipation and whatnot. I like the guy, too, like, they clearly asked them to do it, because they told us they were replaced it yesterday and the guy was like, the guy was like, this made me laugh. He was like, they asked me to do this at 8.30. I was like, I'm going to be done at fucking 1 a.m. No way. And I was like, he's right.

I mean, we got, it sucked for us. It sucks for us, but it is funny. I agree with him. I agree with him. Yeah. He made the right choice. I wouldn't want to do that either. Um, Wags, I, uh, I've also been sick.

We've noticed, yeah. I got a little sick. You haven't said a thing. You're, you're kind of a, I'm going to say, you're a little bit of a mess too, Wags. Your back is being thrown out. I'm a fucking, shit's going bad. Shit's going bad. On the way back from Tampa Bay or Tampa.

Yeah, lose the bay. It's cleaner. Big, big rainstorm we drove through last night. We drove through rainstorm, sudden downpour, torrential. I've never felt unsafe for even a brief moment with Papa Mitch driving us. It's true. Yeah, I was confident. Because you weren't, like, you didn't seem stressed at all.

You were barely looking at the road while the rain was pouring. It's like, didn't affect you at all. Yeah, I think I told you. I sped up. Look at my phone. Wheel in his left hand, phone in his right hand. And, uh, Pinia colada in the left. Clowns to the right.

Hat with two pinocaladas and straws going into my mouth. The foam dome. Where in the foam dome? Hey, we're safe back here next to a gator at the pool. Yeah, we have a gator. We got a pool gator. We got a pool gator. Great.

We're doing good. We're doing good. Nothing greater than pool with a gator. And also, I want to shout out, but this happened during the Orlando show. But it was a lovely gesture. Alex brought me a Minion's ID badge from his stint working at Universal in China, which is just very, very cool. It's got a little minion, bellow, you know, sort of dangler. And then also the card itself just has, I mean, this is like a one-of-a-kind item.

That's so awesome. Very, very exciting. And he was a very gracious and he was emotionally affected by this moment. Yeah. It was very nice. It was very fun to see Nick get to the edge of emotional. It was very interesting. Yeah.

It was very cute to watch. Thanks, buddy. And then you did hug him. To be fair, if I remember correctly, you said, hug him for fucks. Oh, that's right. I was going to. Yeah, no, you looked like you were. Yeah.

You just need a little shove. You got it. Yeah. Right. Motherfucker didn't give me shit. I would have taken a badge, motherfucker. Don't yell at them. You motherfucker.

You should at least give him a hug. Yeah. No, for what? He gave me a $150 Amazon gift card in the park. No, he was very sweet man. It was beautiful. It was actually a beautiful moment. He also told us that we could, he would hook us up at Universal if we want to go.

And that was very kind of you. Thank you. But we're going tomorrow. We're going to Epic Universe tomorrow. People won't know. Yeah, we can talk about it here. We can talk about it open. We'll have it.

And probably a future Patreon episode or something at least. we'll dig into our epic universe experience. So look forward to that in the near future. That was the highlight of my night, that guy giving you that badge. It was very, very sweet moment. I was... My highlight of the night was your...

I won't spoil it, but there was something you did during the Sherlock Crumbs bit. People who were at the show experience. Yeah. You'll have to go platinum to understand that one. Or just golden at least. It'll be out in June, I think.

It'll be out in June. And we saw a rocket launch. You guys did not. Me and Emma saw rocket launch. I stayed in with Nick and I went to the urinal with him. I think I saw something equally impressive. We were saying earlier, only Nick Lager can make having a big dick boring. So fucking envious.

Like a guy is like, no, I never drive my Maserati. You're like, what? Come on, you're being mean. We're being mean. It's possible to be mean by bringing this up. You know, I should have, I was, I wasn't sick. The Rocket Night.

Oh, no, I was. I was sick for both shows. You felt like you were starting to get a little under the bag. I had acid reflex. I should have known that I was getting sick. I said this to you because I had two bowel movements in a day. Not normal at all for me. Not normal for you.

Two in a day. Never. Two is my baseline. Really? One upon waking up one post coffee is kind of my go-to. I got to drink more water. I got a-for-sure. Yeah.

I mean, that's a big issue. That's objectively true. I think I'm generally average out around two, but I mean, one is the, one is my baseline. But yeah, some days are heavy flows, if you will. That's horrifying. You get your period? Four to seven days out of the month, I'm shitting a lot. A lot of blood in there.

More man-plom, more man-pond talk. I want to say this because on the Ben Rogers episode. Yes. Was that out last week? Yeah, that was out last week. We're turning this some bitch around fast. Yeah, this will be out next Thursday. Emma, thank you.

Thank you to Mike. Mike, thank you. Mike, thank you. Mike. And sorry, sorry, we're shooting this on two Gopros. Sorry, Mike. And a laptop camera. Can you add in some special effects? Yeah, can you add in few special effects? Like some bubbles popping up or something?

Like beach bubbles? Yeah, that's a thing. Everyone is... Yeah, beach bubbles. Can we get some beach bubbles in here? Yeah, now go ahead and Google it. How about a shark fin? Just have a shark fin go by itself. It would be fun. I want to say my inflammation markers were high. My stomach was messed up.

You say I'm sick all the time. It is true. I'm not a hypochondriac, you think I am. I don't think you're hypochondriac. I think you have issues. I have issues. Yeah. But you,

you know what? So, and then I had that stomach issue for a while. My inflammation markers were high. I got a CT scan. Everything looks normal. I got to talk to my doctor because my inflammation markers were high. But then,

and my stomach was hurting. But then in the last week, I felt like acid reflex. And then in the last couple days, I had like a sore throat and felt nauseous. Yeah. And you ate at Bahama Breeze three times or four times? I had a Bahama Breeze quite a few times.

We'll get into that. But you said, was going to turn it around and you said I was going to turn it around and I said no fucking way you're going on the ground was betting against me the whole time I just want 180 bucks off Emma there's like no way that fucking loser turns it around she kept saying but I got to say I think I have turned it around in the you seem better today almost two days yeah you're much more enjoyable to be around it was pushing it for a minute no I can't even imagine world where you're not enjoyable to be around but you are you're a bit of a fucking these three can imagine it

I don't have to imagine. We're having fun. We always have fun. We have a great time. This is the shit I look forward to every fucking month. And since the seal has been broken, let's bring up our experience at the Bahama breeze in Kissimmee. I have the receipt in front of me.

We went a couple nights hence. And we might be going back tonight, honestly. Couple nights hence is true. We were there a couple nights hence. And we had a few different drinks, coconut mojito, Bahamarita, the ultimate pineapple, which was yours, Mitch, which came in a big pineapple.

That's the one I put upside down in front of my room. I mean, let's start with the drinks. The drinks were big motherfuckers. They were fun. Me and Emma got those Bahamaritas, which was like four different sherberts. I think it was pretty much four different of their pre-mixed frozen stuff.

I absolutely was. And then what was really fun is we got a side shot that dangled off the top of this biggest. That I think you're supposed to just like dump in there at some point, but we were like sipping it. We're sipping it. It was called spiked cactish juice.

It was sweet. I had a sip of it. Yeah, it was really yummy. and I don't like sweet drinks, but that was a big, fun, dumb one, and I enjoyed that. I came a day early to Orlando,

and I went to Bahama Breeze. I didn't, and then when we were going, I was like, I've been here before. And I got to say, I liked it the first time I went. And on the second visit,

I liked it even more. Great vibes. I got a Bahama Mama, which is like a, it's a, it's an odd concoction that has both, um,

uh, is it Cavacier and, it has cognac and then also gin. Croniac and rum. Cronia's milk. Yeah. It was a little bit.

It was, but it kind of had the same sort of hue just in liquid form as the Bahamarita. But I enjoyed it. I thought it was a nice drink. I thought that was good. Your Mai Tai was the only drink I didn't like. And I think it was just the portions were, the proportions were a little off and it was mad strong.

It was mad strong. They could have reduced the alcohol to one quarter portion. You know what I'm going to say about that? I'll say this about that, about that my tie. It was, Amelia. A potent mix. Yeah.

Ooh, that was a potent mix. A potent mix. A potent mix. A potent mix. We're all quoting Quorich from Avatar Fire Nash. Amelia's never seen it the most. And she's like, now I want to see the movie. I'm obsessed with that word, that phrase. I'm calling everything a PM now.

She has been saying potent mix at every opportunity. We've been trying to tear up even at times. Yeah, we're trying to find her a gas station so she could buy an AM PM shirt so she could say Amelia Marino. POTOMB. Amm. Oh, wait, was it a BMPM? A.M.

BMBM? M. M. M. M. M. M. M. Mee. Mee. Mee. Mee. Mee. Emma, you liked your, you liked your, uh, you liked your, uh, you liked your, uh, amelia, you got like a glass of chocolate milk? What was it? I got a juice box. I got a coconut pineapple mohito. Right. It basically tastes like a peanut galada, but it was the, it was the best drink I've

ever had in my life. It was really pretty. We love the mojito here. That's the thing we're discovering. We went hard on them at Columbia and it was really good. Columbia Restaurant, an absolute delight in Tampa. What a great, what a great suggestion for my last mojillo I've ever. No spoilers, but we had a great time.

Amil, do you care if I share this story, but you found something that made you spiral a bit? Wider's making jokes about you being. Oh, yeah, you can share that. Wager's making jokes about you being his daughter and things like that. Wait, did that make you spiral? No, no, not all. next part. Okay. And then you found, you can remind me where this was,

but you found three gray hair. It was in the green room last night. It was in the green room bathroom of, um, in the, in the Tampa funny bone. And there was nothing, there was nothing funny about this bone. Nothing funny about this bone. I found two gray hairs. Two gray hairs.

On the toilet seat. On my hair. Oh, fuck. Attached to your head. Attached to my head. This is the first guy. Because I, I, I clearly got some gray. I mean, like, were those your first gray hair? I had one gray hair previously, but now there are two. May I ask you a question? Yes.

Did you accidentally shove Mrs. Claus off a rooftop? Happening. Yeah, you're being Mrs. Claus. Amelia. Oh, no. I do. Ho, ho, ho. I need to take the substance.

Mrs. Claus taking the substance. It feels like a pretty good funnier diver. That is a good funnier dive. First, he really said this morning was I took the substance already. Yeah. You do not need the substance. You don't need the substance. This is one of your many spirals.

Another spiral came last night when we were watching. I did not spiral. We watched L.A. Confidential last night, which you, which is a great, a five-star movie. I had to upgrade my letterbox. Five-force. Five-forks. Yeah. Beautiful.

You gave it four and a half. You deducted a half star and explain why. The names are too confusing. Too many names. Yeah, I don't see, I don't think this is necessarily a pro of the movie's fault. I think this is partly you ask a lot of questions during the movie which maybe detracts from your ability to retain information. Yeah, I was thinking a bunch of gaberinas. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, we started the movie as we started the two and a half hour movie at 1205. Which was from one of your first spirals, which is that when we got back to the house, you wanted to watch Michael Richards new stand-up special on Netflix. We were all excited. We were so excited to put on Michael Richard's new stand-up session. She brought the info to us, yeah. Which was revealed to be... Which was revealed to be what, Amelia? An April Fool's joke.

Which was what? The third one you fell for on this trip? Second or third? No, I fell for one as well. Yeah. I fell for Anthony. My friend Anthony At Tammanyck posted that Paramount Plus

was bringing back the president's show with Alec Baldwin as Trump. I bought that one too because it's exactly as bad as what the fucking entertainment industry would do. Right, and he's like... His caption was they didn't even ask me. Yeah.

And I was like, motherfucker. He played Donald Trump in the original president show. Very funny, very well done. And when I got, I was like, this better be a fucking joke. And I was like, oh my God, it's April Fool's. I'm so dumb. I'm like worked up about this on behalf of someone. Was it you Gavis who said, like, anything misinformation should not be an April Fool.

April Fool should be canceled. Yeah, we should get rid of that. Misinformation age. Every day is April Fool. There's nothing real anymore. Exactly, right. Just prank. You shouldn't feel any victory fooling anyone anymore.

You know what I wish was an April Fool's prank Is Mitch not returning to Twisted Metal But unfortunately You Wags, yeah Unfortunately it's a universal Fool's Day Yeah No Stu, no Stream I'm not sure who's responsible for

But whoever I don't know who is I don't know who is That's true Yeah And we'll find out who they are And they're fucking dead I want to just say one more thing I love Samoa Joe

Stephanie Beatrice Anthony Carragut So many of the cast and people I worked with before, but people were going back to Sailor Cota. Those are people who aren't in the decision-making process. For the show, I wish the new show, I wish those guys the best of luck, the other guys.

I wish them all the best of luck. There's no point rooting against it. Yeah, it's their loss. I mean, I'm not going to be watching it. No stew, no stream. Yeah. I'm going to commit career stuicide. The only peacock I'm interested in is me at the urinal.

I'm going to dress up as the falcon and frame Mackey for crime. I get an alt. The only peacock stream I'll be observing is my own at the urinal. Should it be my dick that's pissing if it's a peacock? The only peacock stream. Oh, no, I meant like P-E-E. Like you're peeing out of your clock. Oh, okay.

I thought you meant like a peanut. Oh, right. That reads, maybe doesn't read it because of the homophone. Yeah, yeah. Okay, well, we'll figure it out. Emma, we'll do a couple of some alt, and we'll use the alt in here. I'll just put subtitles on and it'll make more sense. Okay, great, awesome.

The only metal I'll be twisting is my tin, foil package of crack cocaine when I smoke it so I can get in the headspace of the decision makers over there. We got some, we got an app stack and that was basically our food was just like we did oops all apps. We did go there at like

11 o'clock after the Orlando Funny Bone show and they were like yeah and we had the most amazing server probably served by Kevin who was just an absolute prince. We were like, is the kitchen still open? He's like, yeah, it's open and it was getting us everything we wanted. We had like one corner of the bar to where

He was giving us so much attention. I've never felt more welcomed that close to closing in almost any restaurant I've ever been in. I was like, I know, and we want 12 different mixed fucking fruity drinks and six different appetizers each or whatever and he was like, yeah, great, of course.

I think he forgot the conk. He's like, did I forget the conk? Oh yeah, okay, let me grab that. She was flying out. We were asking him, himself was a pain in the ass and he's like, no, guy, like he was, nothing was a problem. He was an absolute a delight. And not only that, but his attitude being that way, the restaurant is closing in four days.

Yeah, so it was closing in two ways. It was close to closing time. We were there for the last hour service. But also the restaurant is permanently closing. Darden restaurants is closing its Bahama Breeze outlets. That one he said will be open until the end of the year, though. Yeah. Okay, great.

So they have a little more time. And then they're going to lose their jobs for a period of time too. It's awful. Well, no, no. Only a period of time because it's like that is so cool. I've not heard of this. No, I love that. It's being re-skinned as a different Darden restaurant and then the staff will be retained.

But I'm saying, They probably will lose their... But there probably will be some time where there's... Yeah, there be some down time. No matter what when restaurants are, also, I got to tell you, after being there twice, I love it.

And I love it too. I don't get... I don't get it. I don't get it. I wish I, I'm trying to wish there was one in L.A. Yeah, I know. It would be on like Hollywood and Wilcox, unfortunately, but...

It'd be in a horrible area. We're gonna get our asses to islands when we're back there because... Island is on, on its last legs, too. It's so sad. I mean, I would say Bahama Bree is better than current islands, is my guess. Yeah, for sure. And I love islands. but it's just like those locations are receding

and the quality unfortunately is dipping a little bit. The last time I went to Islands for lunch, the Burbank one by myself, sat at the bar, had a great, great time. I've never been to an island's before. Oh, shit.

Oh, we got to go, dude. That's a totally your vibe. Yeah, I got to go. It's like a Bahama breeze, except like their main thing is burgers. Oh, hear me out on this theory. Tiki drinks and cheese burgers. Hear me out on this theory.

Yeah. Is Islands the best category ever? Islands might be the best category, because I wasn't even thinking about Islands the restaurant, but you're right, Islands is in there. We've got island vibes, island music. Island drinks, island music. Like the, the island aesthetic, yeah, teaky,

uh, teaky aesthetic and teaky drinks. I love this. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. Yeah, island made me one of the best categories. I love this.

This is a great take. Yeah, I've just been brewing stuff up like this lately. This is the kind of stuff I can think about with my... Know what I was thinking of? I think that something is really good, but like it's good everywhere. or should be called a penthouse item. Oh, okay. So we have, with that,

it's fair for you to bring that up right now, Mitch, because one of the appetizers was a penthouse item, a coconut shrimp, meaning it has a high floor. Mike, can you make this 3D and have my nipple go out into the... Gabris was tickling Mitch's nipple with one finger. The... Because it has done that the entire trip, honestly. Coconut shrimp has a high floor.

So if someone says, like, the coconut shrimp was good, it's like, well, coconut shrimp is kind of always good. Yeah, it's kind of a safe bet. Penthouse item. It's a high floor, I mean, it's a penhouse. And also, like, what that also, because the penthouse is, it could be very, you know, a fourth floor penthouse, uh, you could have a 101st floor penthouse. It also, in terms of the, the maximum quality, the ceiling of the item can vary as well.

This shitty Airbnb could have a penthouse. The Sarah, it's a Airbnb could have a penthouse. Yeah, you're sleeping in it. You said you only feel comfortable going upstairs to go to bed. That's true. Right. You said like you needed a penhouse in your room. You needed a change in, uh, in altitude so you could sleep.

you're so accustomed to having elevated bed. Oh, right. I didn't say that. And that's, Amelia said the same thing, and that's why she's sleeping in the top bunk in the Harry Potter room. Putting the Weasley dolls in the bottom bunk. We're inceptioning their asses. They have no idea that we're fucking inceptioning their asses.

They have no idea we're inceptioning their asses. No fucking idea. Penn House item. Wise, I love Pahama Breeze, the restaurant. It's pathetic that I'm sad. It's closing, but I am sad. I went for the first and second time this week, and I'm sad that it's closing.

Just to put a pin on the the medium dive we're doing here to Baumabreeze is not the Bahamah Breeze episode, but it seems like we won't have an opportunity to do one, unfortunately. The coconut shrimp crab dip, the tuna toastata stack, which I was skeptical of Mitch,

and you convinced me to take a bite of it, and I was like, you were right. It was fucking good. Fantastic. The Yuka cheese sticks, sorry. The Jamaican jerk rings. Jamaican jerk rings. wings, that's what I got. And I think it is

Yuka. Isn't it Yuka? It is Yucca. It is Yucca cheese sticks. Wags. Put your feet down, first of all. Your blood is Oh, that's scared, man. That's something fell down. It was the sign. It was the sign this is no smoking, no vaping. Okay, okay. That's fine. Which was, yeah. Emma willed that off the wall with the force. The cannabis force. Yeah. My metaclorian rate, my endocannoid rate is through the roof.

The no smoking and no vaping sign was so close to Emma, it lost the will to live. Then you know what? Vap away. When we got here, you had to check a few of your guns before we walked into the house. Yes, we have an Airbnb warning that says no firearms, no weapons allowed. I had to sign a PDF.

I had to do a hello sign on a PDF that said, I wouldn't use my martial arts in the house. Okay, I looked it up. The pronunciation is yucca. Yucca. Yucca. We got corrected during the show, and I forgot. which way it was. Yucca cheese sticks.

Because I said Yuma, but I was going off of Yucca. Jamaican jerk Wings. So I'm going to take out the jerk rings because I said it wrong. Jerk Wings. We'll use the retake. Jerk wings. Conk fritters and a couple more drinks. Oh, we also shared the Island Grill steak

salad. Yeah, you and I. It was great. And then there were some soups were circulated, a black bean soup, a seafood chowder, and some veggie tacos. Emma, which were substantial. They were huge. Those were big boys. I was like two tacos and nice light little plate. Amelia rolled the dice.

No, them apps are big as far. They were huge, but it was good. I ended up eating just like the stuff out of the middle because I was getting full, but it was great. Great. Their guac was really good. Yeah. I loved it.

I had a great time. Kevin said anything. Wow. Like it's spinning. It's so fun. It's so cute. They're spinning. It's spinning.

It's spinning. Kevin said anything jerk, you can't go wrong. So I went jerk chicken wings and they were yummy. Those were good. I had one. I had one. They were good. Yeah.

They were good. I had wings from every place we've gone so far. That's kind of my thing so far. Including today's chain. Ooh, Power Segway. Publix, which was founded September 6th, 1930 in Winter Haven, Florida, has over 1,400 locations in the American Southeast, not mostly in Florida, but Pherality are in Florida.

This is a big one, though, because people have wanted us to do this for a very long time. This is a big one, which is why we're doing it in the poolside, we're doing a poolside pub, Pod? Piggy's out, pod. Pugies out, yeah. Poolside Piggies out pubs pod. and poolside.

Right. Are you okay, first of all? I'm doing great. Publix, pals, pods, poolside. You seem like Amelia after she found out the Michael Richards' stand-up special did not exist. She was so heartbroken.

I was devastated. I was in the shitter, and I came out, and had already informed everybody and said to me with the gravity of my cat died that the Michael Richards' stand-up special was in April Fool's prank. I was pretty upset. I came excited and she was like,

I have devastating news. And I was like, oh, no, what happened? The water already doesn't work. Wikes, I looked at Netflix on the TV. We clicked on Netflix, and I searched Michael Richards. And Amelia was there, and she was like, no, wait. You got to search something else. She was like trying to figure out how to get the special.

She was like fucking so crestfallen. So in order to make her feel better, I did an hour of what I imagined Michael Richards stand-up might be like. You were killing. We're going to tack on to the end of the episode. And, yeah, and that's Platinum Plate Club only. Amelia, wait, wait, how was your soup? You like that soup? The seafood chowder?

Chowder is kind of a penthouse item for me. Wow, yeah. It's kind of a penthouse item. You can have a penthouse item for yourself, too. That's good. Yeah, it blew me away. I would... Was there any bad app?

No, I thought I think everything was good. I think the crab dip was maybe the weakest. I think the crab dip was the weakest. It kind of was, like, a little whin. Yeah. But it wasn't bad. Because I had, when I went I had the firecracker shrimp good.

I had the empignatas, which were good, but lower tier good. And then I, the firecracker shrimp was great, and I loved the coconut shrimp which we got again. And then I had the spinach artichoke dip, which was bad. So two dips were not great. Maybe dips aren't their thing. Conflitter sauce was awesome.

Oh, yeah, that was good. I will say, spinach artichoke dip, definitely not a penthouse item. It gets a really vile spinach dip. It really hit. It's maybe a basement item. It feels like a It should be better than it is. I agree.

Right. How hard is it for like melted cheese and chips to come across bad? And then you're like, oh, never mind. Yeah. Artichoke on my dick. How about that? I'm a breath. I reverse and big end to my pages and now I can't find my outline.

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That's S-Q-U-A-R-E dot com slash G-O-S-D-Bo-Boys. Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today? Okay, let me read this. This I found interesting. I'm not sure if y'all will. From MSN, Publix was the name

of a North American chain of movie theaters that happened to be closing right around the time the supermarket was coming up, supermarket was coming up in the world. So owner George Jenkins thought well to just adopt the name for his own venture. He just sold it. He's just like, Public's movie theaters, I'll have Public's grocery store.

Why the fuck not? Isn't that wild? That's a really weird origin story, but I, like, he made the right move, right? In hindsight, like that brand name is strong now. It's like a, it's like a supermarket chain that's just stuck around for 100 years called like AMC. Right, exactly. Oh, AMC, they used to have the, they used to exhibit movies in public. And people would go see them to go to the public and see movie theaters.

Then the great, then this Messiah named Ted Serren. Dando appeared. And he wouldn't even agree. And he said, no more Michael Richard specials, no more going into the theater. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I feel like he's

he probably would do a Michael Richards special. I don't think. I think, oh, absolutely. Louis C.K. is doing them on there. Yeah, there's a lot of things that that I feel like he, I think he's cool with. Wags, you know, it's funny, I do most of my grocery store shopping at movie theater.

So, right. I go for the week with a shopping cart. Well, to be fair, you know, you instacart from movie dinners. You're like 12 red vines stores. six large popcorns. I get six buckets for the week. Yeah, like this one would hold me over.

Meal prep. You're posting like, P-O-V. You're a meathead meal prep. A couple large cherry coaks for the week. So I do a lot of my grocery shop and say, but I mean, going to... You got the guy now who will put the cherry coax in the popcorn bucket. So you can have like a massive cherry Coke. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, they're cool with me there. And I still put some butter in there as well. And you get a commemorative, you get whatever, you get that weekend's commemorative bucket, too. And you have to, like, fucking put laser defense system on your house so Griffin Newman doesn't fucking grab them. We love you, Griff. They love you, Griff. We all love you. Griff, we all love you.

We all love you, Griff. I imagine going into a, you know, into a grocery store thing. You're going to see Star Wars, though, you know? I know, that's a... I know, right? What a difference that would be? I'm here at Cinemark. What's going on?

Yeah. There's cinnamon rolls. Yeah, yeah. Cinnamon rolls here at Cynemark. These are not the strawberries I'm looking for. I was looking for wild strawberries. Is that the death stars at a wheel of cheese I'm looking at there? I don't know, but I'm about to do the trench run.

Oh, no, Mitch turned off his targeting computer. Putting all the gross reason. All right, I got my second paper receipt. So I was not familiar with, I knew what Publix was, but I'd never been. Wait, how long have you known what Publix was? Because Gaberson and I have a very, similar thing that when I visited flower as a boy, I saw a pub like, so probably like when I was here, like when I was 12 or 13 or whatever it was and I thought pubics. And I was so hard. It's so hard. It's

the word is so close to pubics. Yes. That you're, it's hard not to just your brain to jump that because pubes and pubic are like, pubes are a word that are such, I mean, now that I'm a dough boys guest, it's a word that's back in my life more than I ever could have imagined. Yeah. But as a boy. For me from like 1990 to like 19. 97 was all we talked about. A thousand percent. Who has him? When will we get them?

Right. I wish I had them. Do they hurt? Yeah. Do they, when they grow, do they hurt? Yeah. You know the story about my brother pantsing me in the living room and me and me going to cover my junk and my mom and dad and my family kind of laughing at me.

And then later on my mom coming up to me and saying, Jonathan, you know, I just want to make sure you know you're supposed to wash your area down there. And I was like, what? Yeah. no, I know I wash my balls and dick and my mom's like, no, you're airy. It's like, it's really dirty. And I was like, wait, are you talking about my pubic hair?

And my mom's face turned so fucking red. And she stormed out of the air. She was like, sorry, and like stormed out of my room. And what my mom saw was like my light shading of pubic hair that I had when I was 13 and assumed I had visible dirt on my pubis. Oh my God. Now, just a reminder for the people at home and my friends know this, but my mom was a nurse. My mom worked in medicine

and was like, must be dirt on my son's fucking mons pubis. He must be outside pulling his pants down and fucking ant hills or whatever. Were you? Well, I mean, I was, but I was dusting myself. I didn't answer your question, Mitch. I didn't know Publix was a full-fledged grocery store until we were doing this podcast.

I thought it was a movie theater. Until we were doing this podcast, not this podcast episode, but doing dope. boys in general. And I, like, I had a sense of like, but I just thought it was more like a Wawa. It was more like a convenience store that had hot food. Well, I think that's a guitar instrument.

Yeah, it is a guitar instrument, but it's, um... A guitar instrument. Sound like a fucking alien trying to speak English for the first time. I believe he's playing a guitar instrument. Yes, a guitar accessory. There is a Wawa bar. No, WAMI bar. A Wawa pedal.

A Wawa pedal. A Wawa pedal, yeah. Yeah, I thought that was a, huh, pedal. No, it's a guitar instrument. Why don't you play me a little giddy on your guitar instrument? I'm not I've had a half of a high noon. You're doing great. I've had a gay barita. I am

drunk. I mean, I'm also stoned, I think. If your stomach hurts for a long time and then you get acid reflex, is that something? Let me know. Acid reflex is your superhero name, right? Also, I think it's acid reflux. Yeah, it is. Fuck. Acid reflux. We're doing bad. I'm doing fine. My

back is killing me. I got like my, I have a shoulder blade just like fucking cramp of like a little a little knot that's in there stiff the beds are here honestly the beds are stiff enough

that I think I might need a stiff bed I've gone soft bed my whole life You look like you could use a stiff bed sweet hut Okay This is so fun I'm sitting here with a towel

Around my waist Because I went straight from the pool To sit down here I feel like I'm fucking like 13 I'm like sitting at this kind of table With my friends And I'm in a wet bathing suit suit with a towel around me

bullshit and talking about pubs in movie theaters. It's like nothing has changed in 35 years of my life. I love, I love podcasting and my, my skimpy swim shorts. I wish, and I like being barefoot, we

were, we were trying to figure out how, what level of modesty to have on it, since we are going to be on camera. And I decided against having my fat tits out because I was just kind of like, I think people will get too many. They were throwing beads at you for a while. Yeah. Never happened. I think there's just be like, a level of horniness they don't quite want to encourage

from any of us. And so you're getting some fat thighs of mine over here. Yeah, we're showing, skies out, thighs out, you know, sun's out guns out. You're seeing a little bit of skin, but we have not gone full, full, pledged shirtless. But if you want the full unedited version of this video, you can get it at the platinum plate club.

Yeah. That is a hard R. And what I'm saying. And Mike is going to, Mike is going to digitally. I'm using the hard art. Mike is digitally painted these clothes on us. So we actually are standing here. Thank you Mike. Thank you Mike. And sorry you had to do that. I know it was a lot

of work and also you had to see a lot of things you didn't want to see. He has to do that every episode though. You guys are always naked. Just put fur on jemmy and put clothes on you guys. That's the kind of thing you'd hear from some insane actor. Like when Ashton Coucher wouldn't take off as like Cabala bracelet or whatever during a movie shoot and they had to digitally take it out. He has a weird tumor on his wrist or something. Yeah. Some insane actor like doesn't decide I will never wear a shirt again

and they had a digitally added shirt in post. That's like the action boys are obsessed with how frequently Sean Connery asked the producers and director if he could have a ponytail in his movies. That's good. And like he pushed for it in fucking hunt for Red October. It makes no sense for a guy in the Navy to have a ponytail. Russian subcats.

Yeah, he finally got it as John Mason in fucking the rock. And you know he looks great. I got drooped. Kifa drooped me in front of a in a bathing suit in front of a group of girls. Is that what getting pantsed was called? Drewed? Yeah, drooped. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he had pants. Drooped. Drooped. Yeah, he drooped you. Pull my pants down. And then you were drooped. Also, by the way, bathing suit, wet bathing suit droop, not. No, you don't need that.

You don't need that. That is not. Someone, one time at improv rehearsals, someone went to pull my pants down as a joke and actually grabbed my underwear and my dick popped out. And everyone started laughing so hard that we had to call practice. We couldn't, the coach couldn't get back online. I had my arms above my head like doing stretch and share.

and my buddy Matt Moses pulled my pants down and I just could not get my arms down to time my dick was fully out of course my the team was like three women five guys and the coach Charlie Todd everyone just laughed so hard for so long that I was like he's like rehearsals over and we gave him like 60 bucks

and we just like called it like so early we couldn't get it back on track so funny and Moses felt so fucking he's like I didn't know I grabbed your underwear dude oh that's nice that he felt yeah of course I locked eyes with Ellie Kemper as my fucking hog just Jesus Christ My fetal pig

My razor back Woo peek suey Bessor Go Besser Shout out Besser Besser Besser I uh

But back to back to pubes for a second Sorry did we almost get off Pubes for a second Yes Pube's you're thinking about pubs all the time In a certain age if they heard or not When you get them other things But also if you have them or not

That's such a thing for kids You're worried about like Yeah you don't want to be the last kid to get pubs. I don't want to be pubelist when we're taking the gym showers. I remember a camp just getting yelled at by a camp in search because we were trying to show each other our pubs. He's like, stop showing each other your pubs. He was like yelled at us to not do it. But pubes a huge, huge thing for preteen boys. And I saw Publix and I was like, it looks like Publix. That's all I ever knew about it. I had no idea that it was a place that people really love and also has pretty

shitty ownership from what I understand. I would not be shocked if the grocery store chain based in Florida has shitty magna. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that feels, and honestly, I'd be surprised if they did it. Real boat, real boat owner energy

over there. Yes, right. Yeah. New truck energy. My mom has a little place in Fort Lauderdale, a little apartment in Fort Lauderdale

like every retired Long Islander. And their go-to supermarket over there is Publix. And that's when I first started hitting it was a couple years ago with my mom. And I was like,

place is not bad. It's a good, it's a good grocery store. I'm going to say, they get no problems with public. Which is like, we'll come into play later. If you get Boershead,

that's already, tiny victory. Like what else am I looking for in the Cold Cut world, you know? And then they have a good selection. They had a lot of people out there helping people. Yeah. No one rushing, at least. You know, no one, no employee there, hustling in any way. No one seemed stressed.

No, yeah. No, everyone seemed very happy. Yeah. I mean, I the experience itself, well, we'll get into it a little bit more. We'll get into it in a second. I will say. The whole experience we'll get into in a second. I will say every single part of the experience. No, no, no, no. We don't have, we don't have

go into that deep into it. We will for sure go into it, but since we just activated you, Amelia, you did find a pub in the pool, didn't you? I found a pub in the pool, and I'm pretty like... In our pool, and I think it was a beard hair. It could have been a beard hair. It was a pew. How can you tell the difference? It had to have been gay versus, because Mitch's clear pubs

that I... But how can you tell the difference between a beard hair and a pub? I got a boyzillion right before I came down, so I have nothing. Oh, then it was Wigerns. I don't think it was my pew. No, it was Look, I'm going to tell you this. It looks like one of my beard hairs or pub hairs.

Okay. But your poves are clear. And I also am the one who pulled it out of the pool. My pubs are clear. There are some ones. There are occasional ones that are dark. Just like how you have a few gray hairs. He has a few.

No. Because a few brown pubs. My beard is curly, too. I mean, Mitch's is pretty curly too, but mine's really curly. I think beer hairs and pub hairs are very similar to. Emma knows what's up. Our beard is pews. I live with a man who has a beard.

I've seen both. Yeah. All right. Here's a question. I have to. have, you know. Our beard's pubs. Our beard's pubs.

Our beard's pubs. Because you get them during puberty, so it could be classified as pubic. I don't know if puberty has, I don't think does puberty have something to do with it? Face pubs. I kind of like the premise of face pubs. Here's, here would be my argument against it. Your pubs reach a maximum length, whereas your beard can keep growing and growing. Like your beard is like closer to face hairhead.

If we were like a society that didn't wear clothes, would our pubs get longer? Like, does it reach a maximum length because there's suffocating? by pants all the time. Only one way to find out. If there's Stone Age societies that are bottomless, I'm sure that would be a control group we could see how long their pubs were.

It would be so fun to have pubs that go longer, even longer than your dick. Even longer being even. But like they hang straight. You guys, you Brazilian blow them out or fucking hit them with a flat iron.

And they go down like a fucking like one of those last episode dogs. Like yeah, curtain bangs over your dick and your dick kind of just sticks out a little that seems disgusting. For me for some reason. For some reason.

Well, those are the textures of my gray hairs, basically. My two gray hairs. They get, gray hairs are a little coarser. As someone who has, like, a dozen in my beard, they shoot out at a different angle than the others. Can I ask you a question, Amelia? Yeah. Would you like us to speak a little louder and slower? All right.

The youngest one to hear. Calm down. I truly think it was like a fucking monkey's paw because she got saying, I don't look that young, Weiger. I'm not your daughter. Cut through the next day. I have her gray hair. It's like a twilight. own episode. Less fucking choppers.

I also have some gray hairs if it helps. Well, you're blonde. It's different for women. Or how to a different standard from you guys? You're right. No, I totally agree with you. Women are held to a different standard. I strongly disagree.

Women are held to a different standard. I think I know the women's experience. Let me, allow me. You know what? Both of you shut up. Let us discuss. I get what you're saying. But I also say,

nothing wrong with our silver queens. You're telling me. Please. Come on. bring on Las brujas La Brueitas Let me get that rogue look

Yeah The bunny rate look Oh mancherie Take the gloves off That's what I was saying last night When I go gray I think I'm just gonna let it be I'm just gonna be a silver queen

Yeah there you go Hell yeah There's a lot of Pepe Lepeuze in the world That love the streak of white Yes Yeah I'm one of them That's why I fuck that gremlin Be producing my own

Stryke of white I fucked stripe I fuck stripe I fuck stripe Okay, so we went to publics. I fed him a cock after midnight. We went to Publix. And got them wet.

You did that to a bog line? Got them wet. We got a bunch of shit. Should we start with the subs since that's the headline? Is that the move? Pub subs, look. Everyone has asked us to do Pub subs for so long. And we've had Wawa sandwiches and we really like Wawa sandwiches.

Or at least I did. I've enjoyed Wawa sandwiches. I did not do it with you guys, but I'm a fan of the Wawa sandwich. I would say that we got yelled at to do Publix. Honestly, chicken tender sub. Buffalo chicken tender sub forever. Publix was the most voted for restaurant for our live shows here.

But we decided to save it for this. There were some people who were seated on the top floor in Tampa. I apologize if they were their names were wrong. I think it was Chris and Lauren. I could be wrong. But they were very kind. We took a picture with them and he talked to them for a little bit. But they were like vociferous about

make sure you get the chicken tender pub sub. Just saying that was like a marquee item. So we absolutely got a couple. My friend Jen told me not together. get that. She said to get, she told me to get like just a turkey, boar's head turkey sandwich. And you know what? After being there, I think she was right. I think that I shouldn't have, we can talk about it. We probably are going to talk about it. I think we're talking about it. I think

we're talking about it now. All right, I'm going to just tell you, I got a buffalo chicken pub sub on a foot long on white bread. And I did lettuce, tomato, onion, and the garlic pickles. And with the chicken tenders all chopped up, which they, chop it up, which is kind of mush-like in a little way. It's like, this is the thing. Do you like your chicken tender's chopped up, or do you want them as actual pieces of chicken tender? I thought

it was cool to see them chop up. I kind of like them chopped up. But the crispy, like, breading separates from the chicken a little bit. So it loses something. I also, in my memory, the buffalo chicken subs that I've gotten in the past had like, they chopped up the chicken and then put buffalo sauce on it, but they didn't do that today. It just like was buffalo tenders, I guess. No, he put the

sauce on first and then chopped them up, right? Maybe I forgot my buffalo sauce. Probably didn't ask for it. Should we bleep her name? Yeah, we're going to bleep her name. Let's say it. Or use a different name. We're going to believe her name because of what we're going to get into with

Amelia in a second. I'll believe it. But I think maybe there's a chance that my buffalo sauce was left off. And that's why it was like, it doesn't taste very buffalo-y. I saw my, I saw what was his name? We can bleep him too. I saw putting buffalo sauce on my tenders. He did do that.

And he put ranch on, then chopped it up, then put provolone. I also had provolon. and then toasted it. And when I was eating the sub, it was kind of bland. It was a little dry. The chick was a little bit more wetness. Now, to be fair, right, when she was about to put ranch on my sub, Mitch was getting his made next to me. He went, wait, can I get some extra ranch? And he put

extra ranch on Mitch's, and then they ran out of ranch when they were putting it on my sub. By the way, I wasn't trying to grab the ranch. You said, can I have the rest of the ranch? Is what you said. You said, I'd like the rest of that ranch. You said you grabbed the gentleman. I grabbed the gentleman. old man by the throat.

You grabbed them by the throat and you said I'm her boss I want the ranch she doesn't need the ranch and I was I had by the throat and I was smiling

and said I like this forget it you said I'm about to make some more ranch oh there's Dylan there so we need a we should we should we should talk about

the other the other worker who I thought the service is great that they were very I thought they were very nice Amelia had a little bit of a conflict

with this woman who I think we will... Conflict is hyperbole. Amelia has conflict with the way Publix does their ordering system. It's a conflict with Publix, not with this individual employee. Amelia, you spiral the fuck. You were losing it in the van. It's the most route up I've seen you. I think we should call her a code name.

I'm going to say Elvira. Elvira. Elvira. That's right. Elvira was making your sub. Alvira is making my sub. Look, I'm a simple gal. I didn't want any modifications.

I just wanted the Italian. Right. They have a few prefab subs that are up on the menu that you can order, including ones that are very basic like turkey. That you think you can order. Italian is listed and has a bunch of different meats and a specific cheese on it. It lists everything that's on the Italian. I just wanted the Italian as is.

I was trying to be as uncomplicated and as simple as possible. I don't think I'm the one who, who did anything wrong in this situation. I think there was several factors at play. It was their system. Some light communication errors. And I'm not blaming that on you. Communication is a sender and receiver with interference.

And take it from me. I spent $100,000 on a degree in communications. But I, well, I didn't. My mom in the government did. But I think that was going on. I think there was some cute infusion. And then I think me busting your balls accidentally elevated the situation a little bit?

I was like, wait, am I doing something crazy here? Because I accidentally put you on the defensive because you were then started campaigning, like you came over to me, you were like, I'm not fucking crazy, right? And I'm like, Gameras, you said a couple things, but you were like, I thought I was fucking stoned out of my mind. I really was not high. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then I went over to Gapris later. I was like, I'm not crazy. Like, she, okay, let me just explain. Which way do you? Yeah, go on, say it. Say what you're saying. Just say you more insane. I know that's what was funny.

Before we elaborate further, just give your version of the story. Tell us what happened. My version of the story is I just wanted the Italian. It had all the ingredients listed. I just want the Italian as is. And then she goes turkey. I go, yeah, it comes with turkey, right? And then the guy next to the man next door goes,

like, do you want Borshead or Publix? I was like, oh, I didn't know that those are the options. Yeah, I'll go, I'll go Borshead. And then the guy's like, you're not from our, you can tell you're not from around here, are you. You didn't understand what he was asking. Yeah, because I didn't know. We had two, by the way. You didn't like, we love them.

Believe in these guys, these people's names. It's code names. Yeah. Elvira and what do we call our other friend? Alvira and Bart. Bart. Bart, okay. So then, so then she says, do you want cheese?

And I'm like, yeah. She thought you said turkey sub at first. And then you had, you like corrected. I said the Italian. I heard her say, oh, you wanted an Italian at one point. I think at first she thought you meant a turkey sub for some reason. And she was like, oh, you want Italian? And then she switched out. You would talk about the specifics of an Italian sub and what makes things East Coast an Italian sub.

And then she said, do you want Turkey on that? You said, yeah, and it's Italian, right? There's no Italian sub that has Turkey. I don't know what the fuck are you talking about. Let her tell her side of the story. Well, she said turkey. And I was just like, I, well, I don't like. You were being agreeable.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, we're like, sure. I'm like, I'll have horse head, whatever. Then she goes, cheese, and I look at the, and I'm like, yeah, an Italian, she's on let me look at the thing. And I'm like, yeah, it comes with provolone cheese. And she says, okay, I'll go get the provolone.

And then she goes, what else do you want? And I'm like, I just want the Italian, like, and then I look at the menu. And then I go and after every ingredient, I have to basically build the sandwich. And you're reading the menu more less. You're like, you're like, everything I wanted on the Italian. And I'm like, I didn't realize all of this was customizable.

I just wanted the Italian. And then even down to the, the sauce at the end, she was like, what do you want on? I'm like, oil and vinegar. And she puts that on it.

But I'm like, I'm not the crazy one here. I'm just, I just want the Italian. I think it's like the in person equivalent of when you order a sub online and everything is like, all the options are checked

and you can uncheck options to be like, I don't want this on there. I think it's like the in person version I said the Italian as is. As is. Like the way it's on the menu, that's how I want. Right. No customization.

Back to what Gapers was saying. I think there's a communication thing where she could have, Elvira could have said, oh, well, the way we do it here is like we just ask every. That would have been amazing. Just some bit of clarification there. But this is a systemic. But what's Bart was like,

you're clearly not from here. A little explanation would have been helpful. This was a systemic. You go to a deli order the Italian. They make it for you. Right. And then you get the sandwich. It's it.

this because I've been to Publix a hundred times. Yeah, they say like the works and you say like yes, no one you. Right. You're projecting Mike's, like Jersey Mikes and Mikes way onto it. If you get a Jersey Mikes Italian, then you're making one decision up front and they're getting all over. I think just any

deli. No, I agree. I was just picking one specific. But yes, like most delis, that's how they function. Publix has a systemic issue where just every single individual component is customized. But also, you were being insane. How was I being insane? No, this is partially my fault because then

Amelia came to me and said, I'm not the crazy one, right? And I agreed with her. I didn't think she was being crazy. I was busting her balls because it was just more difficult than it should be, not saying whose fault it was. So I'm like, no, not crazy at all. But then when she walked to her, I went over to Mitch and said, I think you should check on Amelia. She's spiraling just to cause trauma.

And then Mitch walks over to Amelia and goes, Amelia, you okay? And that was like accidentally not what Amelia needed to hear in that moment at all. It just got so active. To be clear, I had heard her sparring out. I heard you be like, oh, Jesus, fucking. Christ, like, order the sandwich. Oh, yeah, yeah. It was insane.

Look, I love you, Amelia. You were fucking out of your mind. I also... Not out of my mind. You were out of your mind. I also will say part of the, like, a lore of, I guess you could call it, of a pub sub, is it takes, you have to, like, hunt someone

down half the time at the deli to be like, I want a sub. They walk over and meet you there, and then they have to go back to the deli seven times to get the meets, and it takes 20 minutes to get a sandwich made, but then you get to go home and you're like, and you're like, damn, good sandwich. Speaking of buns over there. You want me to get you a drink?

I'll be all right. I can make it. Amelia, it was the craziest. This is saying something. You're got in the star, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, shit, I just feel a Winder's joke play accident. Yeah.

Well, you know, I want to get on the ass cam. Okay. Oh, okay. The producer Kim is the ass cam today. Okay. Get in there. Hey, we'll be right back with more doughboys. Hey, take it from me, the spoon man.

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Helix sleep.com slash doughboys. Hey, buddy. Welcome back to Doe boys. We're here with Gabris talking about Publix. Do-boys Spring Break. Do-boys, Do-boys Spring Break. Hub, I forgot what it was. Don't worry about it.

Potty in the USA. Potty in the USA. Party until the sun goes down. Let's get it potted in here. Wow. That was fun. I threw a beach ball. You know what's cool is that Emma was checking the camera

while standing in a pool. That was cool. That was cool. I was worried. She was fully electrocuted. Yeah, because I'm dumb. I was worried about her getting shocked. And then I was like...

It's a waterproof camera. Yeah, right. Amelia, I have a little slice of your Italian sub here. I'm going to try it. I've also got a... I've also got a... one-quarter portion of Mitch's Buff sub. So this is the Buffalo

Chicken Tender Sub. It has ranch, buffalo sauce, provolone cheese, toasted, then lettuce, tomato, onion, and then on top of that I put oil, salt and pepper. Garlic pickles. Garlic pickles and and pepper and chini. Ranch. And more ranch, yes.

And oil. You said emma's share of ranch. And yeah, and Emma's share of ranch and no vinegar. I did not take that intentionally. Maybe oregano? I don't know. What do you think of that, Wags? again, we're saying about it being a little dry, but I think that some bitch is tasty as fuck. Yeah, I kind of dug it. It might be better now than it was earlier.

I think it, like, reconstitute a little bit in the fridge. Right. And the chicken has a little bit more structure to it. Because what you were describing didn't sound good to me because of the lack of structure in the inside of the sandwich. Yes. I got, so as far as sandwiches go, I did get something closer to a turkey sub. Fire Smith. Yeah, that right.

It was Fire Smith. A phrase that I never heard before today and we'll never forget somehow. It sounds like a thing that you would stumble upon in Baldur's game. Right. Ah, the fire smith. Yeah, yeah. We will enchant one of your weapons. Choose wisely.

I'm just here to fuck Carlack and chew bubble gum. And I'm all out of bubble gum. It was, so I asked to Bart, like, is this, is it, is the, you know, because I'm a bit of a heat seeker. I asked Bart. And your car had just, the engine had just died. The engine had just died. car. No, I said is the, is the fire smith spicy? And he says, uh, it'll spark start your car. Yeah, it's spicy. And let me tell you, I love you, Bart, but it wasn't that spicy.

I, well, I think your sandwich, like my friend Jen had warned me about that was, the chicken fingers up a little more plain. Yours did have a lot of flavor. I thought mine was great. Baseline of mayo. He smothered some mayo on the bottom. I did not do that. And he got, that helped it a lot. Even though I got it toasted, and some people are disgusted by hot mayo, which we talked about. I didn't even discuss it.

Sometimes it gets that, like, jelly texture and I can't do it. Totally get it, yeah. No, but I was fine with that. I got it toasted. It's basically, was it was they were fire smiths spicy chicken,

and then they were out of the, uh, the smoke gutta, which comes with by default. So I had to get the, uh, Chipotle Gouda. So it was good thing Bart asked you a follow up about each.

It was good thing that part asked me. I'm really shake her head on there. She's pissed off. Here's the thing. Let me. just close a little. I shouldn't have to have prior knowledge of what a sandwich is in order to order it. Like, otherwise, it's just a build your own sandwich.

Right. I get with you. All listeners love you and they'll never get mad at you, but if they were with you today, they would have hated you more than anything in the world. There's a thing. More than anything. You were making it seem like I was, I was not rude to these. No, no.

You were not. We were very polite. Yes. I just took Gabris aside to make sure I'm not fucking crazy. Like, I don't like to be, I don't like when people. You were being gaslit. Maybe a little. I don't like to be made to feel like I'm crazy in a situation when I'm clearly not.

Right. No, you don't, I don't think you were crazy. I just think it was like, they just do things in a weird way. Right. Right. Yes. But we should talk about our experience, which is that you told this to Gabris, you told this you had a little moment with Mitch.

You say you're going to tell the rest of us what happened in the car. Yeah. So me and Emma are for the first time hearing this. and you were just basically cutting a wrestling promo. You are so angry and you were ranting about the same. You kept saying the same sorts of things for like five full minutes. Gabor's pretended to jump out of the front seat like four times. I said you could take an Uber from the car on the road.

And we reached a point where I was saying like, Amelia, I agree with you. And you were like, I'm not crazy. It's like, I know. I get what you're saying. It was the most little sister energy I've ever seen out of you. I think we were mostly just trying to explain like your frustrations are valid. I think it was just like this is just how Publix does it and it's weird and you just didn't know that.

But you're also excluding the fact that everyone was egging me on. Yes. Well, 100% the entire. Yes. You're only fucking talking to. We need this context. So I'm not just going off for five minutes. You can't handle the heat, babe.

I can't handle the, and here's the thing, I wasn't even riled up. You were just saying, oh, we can't rile up. I have to interject here. You were riled up. It is our fault, but you were objectively riled up. If you had, honestly, you had a blood. You are right now. I was full as a fucking cucumber.

I swear. I was fine. She says, I was cool as a fucking cucumber. If you had a few more, once you get a few more gray hairs, you would have been a full Karen in that moment. Actually, that experience maybe gave you a few more gray. Maybe that's what it is. You got possessed by a Karen.

I was fine. For a few days, you got possessed by a Karen. Oh, yeah, we came up with the movie idea, Ghost Karen. Yeah, that's good. That's good. Let's put the heat back on Mitch. Yeah. Well, actually, that happened naturally.

It's just the forces of inertia made us roast Mitch very shortly thereafter. And I gave you a good backrooms, parody that you've got to do. Yes, I would like to do, should I say it? Should we not say? Oh, you can say it. You can't say it. You're going to announce it now. So this is Mitch's idea. The bathrooms. Pretty good. It's good. A bunch of different bathrooms. Yeah. Liminal space bathrooms. The GoFund. You guys will do a cut of promo for the

GoFundMe. We'll get a go fund me going. And Gabris, you're making the back walls. Yes. I'm hitting all the wall. Christ. A lot of time with all these people. All right. So, look. Wait, let me just go full wiger. I got the Italian footlong sub. Yes. On white bread. I get it in a very controversial sacrilegious to the Italian community way. With Abeo. Yes, because when I get it at a non-Italian deli, if I'm getting it like from a subway,

from a more traditional, like, you know, a more mass market or a public's grocery store. I, again, I'm a loyalist to Boershead, so it was great to get Boershead coal cuts. But I go just lettuce and mayonnaise. The mascot reminds me of me. Yeah, yeah. I always kind of wanted a tattoo of the Boershead. Boar's head and it just has like a hundred percent beef or something on my arm. Yeah.

That's good. Uh-oh. Got the next one squared away. But the Boershead board would be a great tattoo. That's a cool. It's like just the logo on my fucking slab of fucking beef. That's, I think that's a good tattoo. And I have something to think about. But I go it with just lettuce and mayonnaise, which is like a fun dumb like bowling alley way to eat an Italian hero.

Sorry. To go back to it. You having a food with a heart tattoo on one side and the boar's tattoo on the other side is so. fucking yeah i mean the the fucking medical examiner at my fuck when i'm in the uh coroner's office i'd be like i think we know how we died this is a quick one the clues were all there mr police man he's erect the uh so i got it like that and i i i gotta say i fucking loved my sandwich i thought my sandwich was great i it's so white bread the white bread hero is fucking tight i i got mine on a on the on the italian it's an italian it's an italian

but it's like the five seeds. So it had like a lot of texture on it, which I really liked. And they thought they were out of the seeded bread. Do you know the five seeds? Yeah. Manhattan, Brooklyn,

the Bronx, the five Italian seeds? Luciano family. Padrino family. They were, it was really good. And I like the bread a lot. You weren't,

Elvira didn't get you that bread. She said they were out of it. Or who was? No, she said they were out of it. I saw all this too. I saw all this. I think she just couldn't see it. There was two halves in the case and she was like, I only have half left.

And she was like, she can't see that other half. And she was basically begging Amelia to just choose a different bread. Yeah, but out of pure, like, the bread was there and they apparently, we later learned had stumb in the back. But she would, uh, Elvira just went, we're out. And was like, Amelia could see the piece of bread in the container. Clearly though, we went. I was getting mad at you because I just wanted you to get an Italian bread on your Italian sandwich. But you like the five seeds was in.

That's what it comes on. The port of Italian sub comes on the on the seed breadth. I just wanted it at least. It's a little too weedy. It doesn't mind me if I just wanted Italian loat. Oh, no, man. Emma, it was a little too weedy.

Oh, too weedy. Oh, too, man. Looks like the fucking NARC has arrived. Let's go. I need to put this back up. I must hold him the no smoking, no vaping sign. I am the person who was like, there says no smoking or vaping.

I did walk out here. I did narc on you guys. Gabor said I walked out here within like minutes of being in getting into the building and we both just like are silently looking around and just quietly went I can smoke out here. Hey, if they're not going to provide the basic fucking shelter needs, I think we can smoke in the fucking bag. We're not going to have hot water for two full days.

Gabriel's not out of the park by saying you and I are two different dads. I'm the driving dad and you're the iPad. So, so I got that the And I'm the mommy. The five seed bread and we love our mommy. The five seed bread, we've been, we've been. we had to do a lot of nursing, which is nice. Mommy, nursing, dad?

I'm finally down to an egg cup after these guys drained my gynomastia. We got a... So Mitch is busting out these ice cream sandwiches we're going to taste in a second, but let me talk about my savory sandwich real quick. I also got some jalapenos on there because I'm a bit of a heat seeker.

Got some lettuce and, you know, onions, pickles. Mitch, they have the garlic pickles there, which are a delight. And although we couldn't find them by the jar, which was a little bit of a bummer. And he peter North some spicy mustard on top of it. And I just, I thought it was fucking great.

I loved it. I loved my sandwich. It was really, really satisfying. Yeah, I was impressed all around. I feel like for like mass market sandwiches, just the bread is the maker or breaker. You know what I mean? I think Subway kept alive for like eight years longer than it should have been by its bread. You know what I mean?

Right. Whereas like its bread is just decent enough. It like raises the fucking, you know, penthouse item. We got some, speaking of penthouse items, I got a set of color. greens from the hot case as well as some fried chicken. Colored greens in the south, and my limited experience in the south seems to be a penhouse item. Now, I'm sure people, some people, some Southerners born and raised. That's not how you're supposed to have it. Exactly. Like, oh, child, you're not supposed

to eat it like that. Right. There are, there are, you can get bad collard greens. I'm sure you can. But in my experience, it's like, that's like a penthouse item. The floor is pretty high for it. They were good greens. They were totally solid. We'll be Goldberg from Ghost was saying that to you. And then the fried chicken. The fried chicken. The fried chicken I thought was pretty good. I mean, I had myself a thigh. I'm a thigh guy. It was pretty good. I don't think it's the best fried chicken from a grocery store ever have, but it was good.

No, I mean, I would like, I like Albertson's fried chicken more. Which is now, very, very good. Gelson's fried chicken guy, but the Albertson's one is so tight, too. I'll say this, take a bite of that ice cream sandwich. All right, I'm gonna. I'll say this, I had Amelia stuff, I had Wag Sub. Amelia, I liked your sub. It was good. It was, it was good

because I, you know, picked out each ingredient myself. Jesus Christ. Stop, stop poking the bear. I'm saying to the bear. Stop letting, stop poking the Wolverine. Stop poking the honey badger. There's some public's items that I think are great.

Oh fuck. Oh, fuck. I gotta go full Philips Sumer Hoffman on this. Oh, fuck. I fucking love that. Oh, my fucking God. That was, I loved that. Those many ice cream sandwiches are delightful. Yeah. This is so awesome. The fried chicken was decent. I'll list off some other stuff we had. We had creamy dill

Creamy dill pickle chips. Yeah. And these are the Publix brand, I think, a limited time offering. I thought these were great. They were really yummy. I don't really like dill chips a lot of the time. These were great creamy dill pickle chips. We had their tortilla chips and we had a few different things with that. We had salsa. Yeah. And we had two dips and the dips were kind of crazy. Gabris, you can tell us, tell them about the dip. One dip we grabbed was chicken. Mike called me aside at Publix and said, Gabris, come here and like literally

summoned me and I walked over. It was because everything else, everyone was having meltdowns. The temperature had risen in general kind of amongst the crew and Mitch fucking flagged me over and when I came over he's like, look, you're just able to make a fucking decision. Which kind of the dip should I get? And I came in, I felt like being a fucking sniper,

being invited into the platoon. I was like let's go this, let's go this. And I chose wrong. No, I don't think you did. I said chicken, bacon, ranch as a dip sounds so fun. it came, it is entirely Ungapachka. Both of the dips, but here's a thing.

It's gonna slip. We got a spinach artichoke dip. And, uh, right? That was it. Yes, yes. Spinish artichoke dip. And that was too fucking strong. We've established that that also is not a penthouse item. No.

That can go awry. But the spinach, this cold spinach artichoke dip was fucking so strong. They both of them were like so, you know what it was? A potent mix. A potent mix. It was a potent mix indeed, Amelia. Wow, you know, I've been holding this last bite of ice cream because I was going to say, you know,

a chocolate sandwich with vanilla ice cream. That is a potent mix. But it just happened. It just happened so it felt a little force. Anyway, this is really fucking good. I love this ice cream sandwich. I thought the tortilla chips kind of a letdown, but also nothing beats... Tostitos are bad.

They weren't as good as Tostitos. The salsa was fine. I think I'm the only one who tried it. The two dips just were not great. I got the Mardi Gras wings from the hot bar because Uncle Gabris can't turn down some wings, especially when it's on dough boys media. Right. So I, uh,

You do get wings all the time. Yes, I got wings everywhere. I like to try them. It's like one of my favorite foods. It's fun, kind of snackable protein. It doesn't make me feel too ill. But these Mardi Gras wings were kind of like lemon pepper adjacent. They were pretty good.

I feel like if I hit them under the broiler for like two minutes and had like a ranch, they would have been really good. Right. But I enjoyed them as is. Yeah, yeah. They look good. And should we move on to the sweet treats beyond the ice cream sandwich? Or is there any other savory food we need to cover?

Are we missing anything else? Let me look at the receipt real quick while you get some of this open. I'll say this one. There was something I got from Publix that no one knows the first night we went there. Publix brand distilled water from my CPAP. How about that? You know what? It gave me a great sleep.

Oh, thank you, Publix. So I got sick after using it. So who knows. Yeah, maybe. I think we've covered, yeah, I think we've covered all the hot dish. the savory food, the lunches. Okay, so we got some ice cream, we got some donuts, and we got some cakes.

And we also got some strawberries, nature's dessert, if anyone wants to have any of these, which we were snacking on these. Emma, you and I were stacking on these early. They're fucking good. They're giant.

And usually when I see huge strawberries, I worry they won't actually be as tasty. These are good straws. They're great. They're so good. Oh, yeah. I mentioned collard greens. Yeah, we talked about them.

Thank you, though. I wouldn't pick this flavor, but I do like this donut. Give me a donut portion. One donut portion. Thank you. These strawberry glaze maybe tastes a little bit on the way out. Yes, they're old. That's whack.

I don't like it. Yeah, hit it with a whack. Yeah, it's old and it tastes. Yes, it tastes very fake strawberry. I'll tell you what was not whack, another one of my friend, Jen's accessions. These mini black and white cookies. Mini black and white cookies were delicious. Fantastic.

Yeah, those are fire. Like Jewish deli, good Jewish deli black and white cookies. It could be good. Yeah. I really, really like that. When you say good Jewish, you mean owned by good Jewish people. You know what that means.

Wow, I need to have something else. The taste of that donut is actually kind of like a little chemically. It's like a little toxic. Maybe tequila and gatorade will make my palate cleanse. Yeah, I'm having this. This is a concoction. I'm a former bartender. Thank you for your service.

Oh, yeah. Whipped up a little vodka. It's funny because I had an idea to put, it's tequila in the, is it strawberry lemonade or raspberry lemonade? Yes. Yeah. Strawberry lemonade. And the public strawberry lemonade, right? Yeah. And Amelia made me the first one, and it was so good.

I finished it. So I made a second one, and it was giant. So Wags and I are splitting it. Yeah. And I think, you know, having a sip of this one, and I think you maybe anticipate what I might think. Mmm, that is a potent mix. She said it for your sip. Those strawberries are delicious.

Yes. I wish that's what all strawberries tasted like. Those are fantastic. That is like the ideal strawberry. If you had two wishes, it would be at all strawberry's tastes like that and that cats can be kittens forever. Yes. And to have a big, a big flaccid. We talked about this.

You, you're phrasing was so fucking funny. You said that having a big flaccid dick is the most important thing in life. Yes. Yeah. Like it trumps all other things. I could not stop having the idea of like, I need one more layer of context when that matters. I feel like a bigger, like a hard. dick of size is more important.

And maybe I'm just just that's wishful thinking that no people don't need a big flaccid dick it's got to be a big hard day. I think this medium hard day. You had said this at one point. I think this is one of those things that only matters to men who date women. Like like everyone else is like

I don't give a shit. Unless it's like notably tiny or huge. Right. Yeah. And yeah. Go on. Go on. Oh no, but I was just going to say. But I think for the kind of guy who would like get in the sauna and be checking other guys out and measuring themselves against them, having a big flaccid dick would be kind of like,

all right, I get a little more confidence, and you know what? That extends to the board room. I could talk about this online, because I do think it's the most important thing in the world. But the ice cream is going flaccid. You need to take a bite of it very quickly. We got some vanilla crunch. Vanilla's a flavor. And this is a, it's, I didn't know what the crunch was going to be. In fact,

I'm still kind of unclear, but I'm going to have a little taste of this bad boy. It's not peanuts. I did double check. Thank you for saying that. I believe the crunch is crunch. crumbled vanilla bean, and I'll tell you what. Magusta El Crunch. Oh, my God.

That's fucking yummy. That's good at how. Is it a PM? Yeah, it's a, it's a PM. Do you want, you all want some ice cream? I'll try it. I don't think there are enough spoons. That's okay.

Amelia's walking over. Also, we've been sitting out here like all week on and off, and I have not seen a single person walk by, and since we've been sitting here, I've seen like three people walk by. They probably are wondering what we're doing. They're like, what are these idiots screaming about Publix for? Right, right. They think we're just talking to each other. Oh, yeah, let me taste that bad boy. I'm sorry.

This is chaos. Chaos. No, this is the unused one. No, that's yours, right? No, mine is here. Okay. It's the end used one. I messed up.

I took two because I was sick, but then I think I did take a second scoop of the chocolate. That's all right. I'm going to use your spoon. Is that okay? Yeah, yeah. That's kind by me. That's going to go in the freezer. Stat.

After you guys eat them, of course. All right, what do we all think? I like the chocolate one a lot It's a personal tasting I don't really care for the The chocolate one as much I uh vanilla is a flavor And in this case vanilla is my favorite flavor

Yeah I love vanilla But that vanilla crunch is really yummy Walk this one over Let's start in these cakes open Let's kick it off Let's kick it off Is it cake? Is it cake?

Did I solve the game show already? It is cake Everything's fucking melting out here. The cake is melting? You let the cake out in the heat. Good thing we didn't we didn't have it out the whole show. Okay. Vanilla buttercream, not bad.

I think fudge icing looks like that would go in. I've got the vanilla fudge icing one open. And the other ones are chocolate fudge icing and vanilla butter cream. Okay, great. We'll circulate all these. Wise, there's going to be some cleanup here, but I've taking a bite of two of the cakes, and I've got to say, both very good. And I've heard that in Florida, like, for children's birthdays, like, you get a public's cake.

That's like everyone goes and gets a public's cake. They make good cakes. They're also very pretty cakes. Yeah. They're very aesthetic. Contra the double chocolate ice cream. I might have chocolate all over my face like a little kid. I think the double chocolate cake is delightful.

Yeah, that was fucking good. Give me that and a glass of whole milk and a toilet and a gun. and two busty power lifters So, Wax, if you go to a child's birthday party down here, bring a public's cake. When you go to a child's birthday party down here. I plan to, I'm scouting some first. He's dressed as Princess Jasmine.

Happy birthday, Brandon. Who the fuck are you? I'm Princess Jasmine. I was a whole new world. Wait, Gabor, say that again in here, Mike. I hope this cake takes you to a whole new world. Wow. Yeah, I was just eating cake distracted that I was on a podcast, riffing with the boys.

Okay. I tried all three of our cakes. Are they cakes? They are cakes. I don't think I'm supposed to say if they're cakes or not, but they are cakes. They're cakes. Sorry, Mikey Day, but we eat exclusively cake on our show. For my, easy call for me.

The vanilla with buttercream is my favorite, as you might predict. Whoa. I would say that's my number one. People love the buttercream at public specifically. The buttercream is gay. I say the one with the vanilla with chocolate fudge is my second, and then the double chocolate is my third. I'm going to walk these over to the producer's desk.

We'll try it after. It's okay. You sure? People say they want beautiful buttercream. That's why everyone always talking about how much they love BBC. We love BBC. I just want beautiful butter cream. I'm craving BBC.

Before I go to bed, all I can think about is BBC. Beautiful butter cream. Oh, my. She's spiraling. She's just spending too much time with me. She's dropping and spilling shit now. My fault. I, uh, those,

look, it's been a roller coaster with all the items we've gotten at this place. Are you possibly not in the frame all the way over there? Do you want to get tighter with me? You're fine, right? I think I'm fine. I'll double check it, but you're making me nervous how far away you are. The gator is in frame, so Mitch is in frame.

Oh, okay, okay. The items are up and down. That dessert section, I think, has only helped my, four score. That's what I'll say. Yes, I think for sure. The desserts impressed me. I'm not, I wouldn't normally pick a cake out as my dessert, you know?

As a matter of fact, I wouldn't normally rapidly eat three different pieces of three different cakes while drinking tequila and lemon lime gatorade right after having chicken pub subs. So my mouth is a potent mix right about now. But I got to say, if we're ranking the cakes,

I liked the vanilla with chocolate frosting the best. That one was yummy. And then chocolate chocolate and then vanilla buttercream and I didn't dislike the vanilla butter cream I just like the other two more chocolate chocolate chocolate was my number one and then the other two probably a tie for a second I liked both yeah though maybe I liked even the vanilla one better than the vanilla chocolate which is very strange

I kind of want to combine the vanilla crunch ice cream the cake and some chopped up strawberry into one big thing well guess what you can do that later oh thank you later's gonna be so good thank you uncle Mitch I don't know what this is but I was waiting for Amelia to get back so that she can make note of this

but just because we have an action boy here and I was thinking about the fugitive can we do some sort of segment called the fudgative? Ooh, yeah. I don't know what it is, but I just like the title, the fudgative. I'm going to need you to check every cake, every cookie, every snake,

every wookie, Outhouse, dog house, and bathhouse and we're going to find ourselves that fugitive. Outhouse still works with fudge. Outhouse still works. I found a lot of fudge in this outhouse. Hey, buddy Joey pants, you're fired. Just kidding. You'll be back for U.S. Marshals, the

unofficial sequel. And you'll get killed. Yeah. It's so fucking weird. What a bizarre film. I've never seen U.S. Marshalls is not good. The fugitive is a masterpiece. U.S. Marshals is not good. And it also is like, they just do the fugitive again. It's like the hangover part too.

It's just Wesley Snipes is the fugitive. Not to be Amelia's druncle here, but have you seen the fugitive? Let me check Letterbox. I think I have. It is fun showing Amelia movie she has not seen before. She was blown away by the reveal in LA confidential. Yeah, that was great.

I am so old, and I don't have a lot of people Amelia's age in my life. Like, my baby brother is, like, eight years older than her. And so it's really fun, and it's really heartening or inspiring, or what's the word I'm looking for here? Encouraging. Encouraging. It invites hope into my life. how into classic cinema and even watching Amelia read a book today was like not to project all my thoughts about America's youth onto you the youngest

person in my present company but I was just like I think we're gonna be okay yeah I know it was like it felt good like you redeem society I saw that book you know she was reading 50 shades of gray that's sweet of you to say Gavris but I am I do have gray hairs yeah I'm not young anymore also once I saw you in public so I was like this country's fucked yeah The youth are rattled. Also, I have seen the fugitive. I gave it five stars.

It's a good movie. It's good as well. You are young. You are very young. You are my 30s. A millionaire are like a year apart from each. Me and I're pretty much the same age. You're both very young and you both are young presenting.

You both seem very young. I will say that I do and we had this debate and I will not win you over, but we went on a plane and the whole story is on the Orlando Live episode, but we went on a plane, and I introduced Amelia to the pilot as my daughter, and he totally bought it. And I was like it looks completely plausible because you look like you could be college age,

and I look like I could be in my 50s. She was denying this in the pool today, and she said, we look more like lovers? No, you didn't say lover. Brother and sister. Oh, you said brother slash lover. You said partners. That's what you said.

No, I said it's more plausible that we're a couple than father-daughter. Well, I think especially coming flying out of LAX, you get a little into the sketch. Or brother's sister. Yeah, my age gap. Well, yeah, fine, whatever, but it's still plausible that you would be my daughter. You look like you could be.

I think. That all being said. Only because you look a lot younger than your age, I think. You look younger than your age, yeah. But I don't think you look older than your age either. Let's present Amelia with the adoption papers that we were talking about. We want to be your father. You don't want me after that public's outburst.

No, I know. I took my name off, but the doughboys still. The doughboys are going to adopt. you. Also, for the record, I didn't have an outburst. It was actually fine. We're just, we're just... The outburst was in the car. The outburst was on the drive home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The outburst was just friends arguing.

Yes, it was great. I loved it. Let's get to our fork scores for Publix. I, Mitch, or Gabris, the seat to my right, you want to start us off your, your fork score for your sandwich and for all the other foods? Yeah, a little, a quick final thought. If I lived in Florida, I think I would hit Publix a lot. I like the hot bar was decent the fried chicken was decent the sandwiches were decent like

sandwiches were above decent everything else was pretty decent like I would not complain about anything outright uh I certainly not to a car full of people no please I'm trying to make sure everyone's enjoying themselves not going to make it all about me for the drive home but I thought to myself like man this would be a fun thing to really learn more about like I I would be happy to become like a public's regular. Right. And I thought about it because my mom has a little apartment. I'm like,

it'll be fun next time I'm down here to like fucking do a little like public's exploring. You know, just do a little. Grabbing up pub sub and taking it to the beach with you is like the move. Yeah. That's what I would like to do is like eat a fucking Italian hero. Like I just want to be Jack Nicholson on the fucking boat with like a fucking salami sandwich dangling out of my hand. What happened?

A child screamed. It's fine. I thought someone laughed at Gabriel. what Gapers was saying. A child screamed. That's Weiger's phone ring. Oh, getting a text, about it. Every few seconds.

Go check my trap webcam. Emma, you proposed, speaking of eating a sandwich out of a boat, you propose the boat test. Yeah, my uncle has a boat, so we would often, if we were going out on the boat, they would take the boat over from Fort Myers to Sanibu, and you can, like, park at sandbars and stuff and hang out for the day. and we would just like all grab a big pub sub and throw it in the cooler. And it's the perfect boat food.

I think, yeah, I think these would hit differently on a boat for sure. Too bad we were in Orlando. We're not near, I guess, an ocean, right? No,

not really. We're like an hour from the ocean. We're near a potent mix of piss and chlorine. With a fucking rusty-ass slide and a drunk, like, why I had that drink hat on with no drinks in it. He just jumped in the pool. He had piss and chlorine.

Piss and pool was. Piss and chlorine. He likes to make the potent mix in his mouth. That's a potent mix. I don't drink children's urine. I drink all ages urine. Just the children's is the best. Piss has no age.

It's me repeating a joke for the third time. Go piss, girl. When Amelia was like... Yeah, you tell it, you tell it. Emilio is like, I don't think I flush it to it. I said, ooh, I just saw Figer go in there with a straw. You could drink my employees piss. We said we saw him on all four.

fours laughing it up. No. I would not. No. We're going there, hit him with them bro. I hit him

with a spray bottle. I would not drink Amelia's piss. That's incest. I would not do it. I would not do it again.

You guys, lesson learned. Everyone sat down and explained to me why what I did was kind of disgusting and fucked up

and crossed a lot of brown jries both professionally and in our friend group and I'll never drink a friend's piss again. There's a little

sign like this and only in Wager's rooms that don't drink employees piss. You're wondering why. It was just in his room. Wait, Mitch, you just made me think of something really

I just want to put up hyper-specific signs in my apartment. Did you lend on your fork score yet? 3.75. 3.75 forks. Okay, there you go. Because I'm a fan of grocery stores that you can walk out with something ready to eat. I will say one of my favorite things about publics.

This isn't necessarily about their food, but they have, you don't have to have a membership number or a card to get the deals or discounts that you see. Like, when things are on sale at like Vons or Ralph's, You have to like scan your card to get the deal. You don't have to have the card at Publix. Everybody gets the deal, which I think is nice. I do like that.

I don't know how hyped up this place is and how upset people will be that it's not a golden play club member already. Wait, hold on. I just remembered something and it does affect my score. Oh, shit. I saw something that really touched me and it made me again feel filled with hope. It was encouraging. It was in, it was warming. I saw a little platter with apples, bananas, and orange.

on it and it had a little I took a picture of my my buddies here in front of it had a little crocodile on it or gator gaita and he was saying children are allowed to have one free healthy snack while their parents shop and I thought that was fucking cool by the way

if you were the type of supermarket that would attack a child for like eating a peach and you better fucking pay for that you know get bent but that was like seeing something like that promoting that I thought that was really touching and a kind of a cool thing and yes it's a major corporation and it's like a zero it's like a lost leader to have oranges whatever obviously they benefit from it greatly but that's going to make me go up to four for forks i'm going to go next wow because i don't know

where mitch is going to land here but i like you enjoyed my sandwich i really liked all these desserts i mean that that definitely that might earn it a full uh not a full fork but like a half fork and i thought the strawberries were excellent good good experience there a nice friendly staff barb was super accommodating, told us that he saw Clint Eastwood at a restaurant in Carmel, California. Clint just joined his table. Clint just joined his table. And also he said that I talked about Hurst Castle with him a little bit.

He talked about Patty Hurst. I thought Patty Hurst sure was something, huh? And she was. She still is. And we've been listening to Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner, which references Patty Hurst. Yes. I've been telling people to get off my lawn like Clint Eastwood.

Even though it's Airbnb, I guess. I've been saying, Grand Terrance. Yeah, you've been saying some other things from that movie. Maybe you should be in your Michael Richards' stand-up special instead. I really, I really had a great time there. And I think the sandwich is good. And I like you, if I lived in Florida for whatever reason, maybe if I was working here for a while,

I would be hitting up Publix and I'd be getting their subs. And I'd be enjoying the slow, friendly Southern service there. And so that I'm also going to be a four-forker, four-for club. at handholding club, and we'll see if it makes the Golden Plate Club. That falls to Mike Mitchell. It could be user error, too,

when the line is slow like that. It can be a skill issue. It just could be user error. I don't think so. The line is always slow at Publix. That's like what happens. Oh, that's fair. Okay.

It's got like a languorous, though, kind of quality. Like you're on the porch with Grandma. Yeah, like, if you're trying to grab a quick lunch, getting in line up for a pub sub's not your move, you know? We went and got all our groceries just because the line was long. And that was the right move. I mean, I said that joke that you were reading 50 shades of gray, which I feel bad about.

We can remove it from the episode. Why is that bad? Because you had found gray hair. I just felt like a came off as mean and not funny. Oh, I thought it was a horny joke. No, no, no, no. It was because of your hair. That's what I said.

Oh, I like that's fun. That is fun. I thought you were just saying like I'm like horny or something. No, no. That's what you were saying. But also, I want to turn around that my first experience with Publix was I stood on a scale. Oh, my God. I forgot about this.

There was like a produce scale. I was like, I've lost a little bit of weight, and I step on the scale. It goes much higher than I could ever imagine. I said, oh my God, have I really, it's been touring for a month. I feel disgusting. I step back on it again.

Same thing happens. A third time, and I realize there's something down by my left foot. It's Amelia, pressing on the scale. Literal thumb on the scale changing the fucking way. Trying to make me way more. And that was one layer that hurt bad. In the dairy aisle, Mitch was a little rattled about the number that came up on there. And Amelia just comes over, unbeknownst to her what we were talking about and goes,

that scale runs really light, huh? Yes. And Mitch was just talking to me about how fucking embarrassing the number was. The number was too high for me after this last month. And I don't think that scale runs high. It does. It was way lower. Shut the fuck up.

I stepped on it. It's possible. But I was like, that number is way lower. No, that was high for me. After you let go of everything, though I do just weigh myself in my underwear. Right. And you had your chain mail on at this restaurant because you were like, someone can attack us. I weigh myself every morning.

I, you know, I'd like, I've been talking to my therapist about this because, you know, maybe it's a, I might have some body dysporphy or whatever. But, you know, like, whatever I'm working through it. But I do weigh, still weigh myself every morning compulsively. And I just do full on, like, hog out. I'm just like, I got nothing on. I'm getting just my body. 140 pounds and then you look down and your dick it's on the bathroom counter and you're like

pull it off and you see the number just goes 220. 80 pounds of them was crack. Frank Sinatra. Frank Sinatra April Gardner. Go ahead Mitch. I really wanted to look. My mom doesn't live in Florida.

My auntie macho though is in Sarasota. My buddy. Tanti Machia. My buddy Anthony lives down here. There's a lot of people I know in Florida. I loved Florida. I loved Disney. We're in the land of Disney World.

We're right near Mickey's home. The land of Disney World. The land of Disney World. We're right near Mickey's Home. I have a fondness for Florida, even though, you know, there's a lot of bad things with Florida, of course, too. Right. Name them.

The Santis. Ooh, take that. Page out of Santa. B, should be more like DeSanta. It would. It'd be great if he was more like DeSanta. It would. Hey, it's me.

The Santa. coming down your chimney. That cool. I wanted to give this place four forks. I did. I wanted to give it four forks or above. The pub sub chicken tender sub. I'll say this. The issue with it was that Bart, great guy, maybe loaded it up with too many chicken tenders.

It was kind of a problem. There was just such a thick sub already. Chopping it up, I don't know how I feel about the chop up, but there wasn't enough flavor to my sub. I needed more buffalo sauce. I needed more ranch. And Emma, I think you agree with that. I do, I honestly think that Elvira maybe didn't put buffalo sauce on mine.

Wow. That kind of does got beef with Elvira. Well, I asked for the buffalo sub. So to your point, it should have just automatic. But it might also be that they're buffalo tenders. It's not tenders with buffalo sauce. Mine were chicken tenders that he put buffalo sauce on. I saw that happen.

Okay. So then I think I didn't get buffalo sauce. Okay. So Bart made the boys sandwiches and Elvira made the girls sandwiches. Is this how Florida? works. I think maybe we were an agendered line. Yeah, I mean in the fucking wizarding world, yeah.

Gavris was somewhere in between my sonzo Mick Wapface your Italian deli sandwich creator. Oh, thanks, J.K. J.K. Ralling, I'm stealing fucking Jinks Monsoon's reference here, but she has a fucking trans name. She wanted people to think she was a male author.

That's why she went by J.K. And then she's like, well, boy, you can't actually believe who you are. It's up to me only. Fuck you. Fuck, Jay, G. Ray, Rell. Yeah.

For real. Jay, Herald. Yeah. She should be sent to the monster part of the epic universe. Yeah, she should have to be in the dark universe. I agree, Wiggs. But I'll say this. Some of the items really won me over.

Some close to not really working for me. But I'll tell you what did help, Wiggs, was I took a bite of your sub. Yeah. And there was a lot of flavor in that bad boy. And it was pretty good. You like Amelia's sub too And I like to Amelia Sub. So it just squeaks by with me for 4.

Wow, it's in the Golden Play Club. Very close though. You almost blew it Publix. And Pubics is in the Platinum Plate Club. Pubics are in the Platinum Plateau. Should we let Amelia score count for today? I'm curious Emma and Amelia's scores. Emma first.

You've had it a bunch. I've had it a bunch. I don't think today was my favorite pub sub I've ever had. But I've had so many pub subs that I love. And there was a period of time where Mike and I were getting them like three times a week and it was like such a comfort so I would absolutely go four four fours. Wow. Four for. Amelia you had the

higher than that I'm or just four for forks straight. I think four for forks because I do think there's like the like aspect of sometimes it takes forever to get a sandwich even if there's nobody in line you have to track somebody down like there's always a little bit of there's something a little annoying every time you get one and it's just like I'll just it's like going to the Costco food court you know it's going to be

kind of chaotic right but you like really want that hot dog like Bart Bart would be like oh shoot I need lettuce and then walk away and be gone for like six minutes to come back and put lettuce in there. Weiger sandwich took so fucking long. It's not an efficient process. No, he ran out of mayonnaise,

went somewhere else to get mayonnaise, came back, then yeah, had run out of lettuce, went somewhere else to get lettuce. He ran out of lettuce with me, which was three people in front of you. Classic. And then he also ran out of some sauce,

which he had to get somewhere else. And they were all in different parts of the store for some reason. That aspect of it is very frustrating. And I think that, but it also is like, I guess, part of the thing. But that's why I'll just four for us.

Fair enough. Amelia, these are now, I think that we're going to make these canon. So if Amelia, you can take this out of Golden Play Club, it's not in there yet. We're giving you that power. The ordering process was very confusing. It made me feel insane for a second. Public gaslit you. Yes.

However, I understand that maybe there's a bit of a learning curve here down in Florida. Could be a skill issue. It could. I don't think it's a skill issue. I think it's maybe a culture shock situation. Right. You know, I'm used to ordering, you know, heroes at a deli in the northeast. You just say the works or everything.

Yeah, the works. But LTO, O and I. The St. New York, this ain't New Jersey. I got to just, you know, get with the times down here. It was confusing. It was frustrating. However, the Italian sub was really. really good.

Wow. I did really enjoy it. I ate the second half of it right here. I was going to finish the whole half earlier. I finished it. Yeah. And for that reason, I'm giving it four forks.

Wow. What a face turn right at the finish line. Way to go. A golden plate club for Publix. I think where it belongs. All right, let's do a segment. We've got a beverage and we're going to decide if it should pour it down your throat. It is drank or stink.

And here's what we got. We have beatbox. blueberry lemonade. This is the exclusive shack flavor. The greatest Orlando magic of all magic player of all time. Is he the greatest I think he is? I think he is. The greatest Orlando magic of all time, I guess what you would say.

Yeah, I know I was just trying to think through it. I'm like it's not Penny Hardaway. The Penny Hardaway there's a case for it, but I think Shaq is is Dwight's the next question? It's probably Dwight. Well, I think there were people who say like they made the finals with Dwight. Dwight had a longer tenure. Dwight was drafted. Dwight was good. Underrated because I think he was

because it was annoying. Yeah, annoying and strange guy. But I ultimately came around on Dwight and he won a title with the Lakers, so there you go. Not a bad player. I think they're hoping that Franz Wagner ultimately becomes that. But yeah, I guess it is Shaq, the greatest, the greatest magic of the home. I don't know if anyone will top Shaq, honestly. He's certainly the highest NBA player on the all-time list who had

a tenure with the magic. Okay, let's circulate these. Take those back. Oh, wow. We've got these in more plastic wine glasses. Yeah, no glass by the pool. Yes, no glass by the pool. Following, this is also Gabris's law. Cheers, buddy. Cheers, bud.

Here's to swim in with bow-legged women. And to Shaq. This one's for you, Jack. Who I shot a commercial with once. I wasn't back in the day. Is there alcohol in these? Yeah, these are boozy. Yes, they're booze.

Oh, my God. They actually are 12% alcohol. Yeah, they're very boozy. So be careful. This is a stank. I hate this. This is awful. It smells.

You boast that I hate this and then went for another sip. Yeah, I'm going to finish it, but it's really bad. I'm not going to finish it. It's fucking disgusting. It smells weird. Mitch, when we were in line at Publix, I was like, people get blitz from just one of these. I'd say that.

We love Shaq. It makes me sad to say Shaq, when his products or items suck, his chain restaurants, this is bad, it sucks. The gummies were pretty bad too. Shaq might be spreading himself a little thin with putting his name on top.

I think so. I do love Shaq. He's doing a great job of keeping his brand alive despite almost having nothing besides his personality be successful. It's kind of crazy how long ago he were hired from basketball and is still like a relevant like well-known celebrity.

Exactly. And he's got like 11 different like icy hot, the general fucking like pizza stores like chicken like beef jerky. I like that he's friends with a general. I don't know if he's, he might be a billionaire. I like that he's friends with the general. I like that he has Papa Shacks, which they should have rebranded Papa John's as.

Yeah. I do think that he's kind of like Krusty the Clown in that he consistently lends his name to inferior products. is one of them. This is vile. This tastes like Windex. I am not a fan. And looks like it. That's a stank for me. What do you think? That's awful. Maybe it won't finish it. I hate it. No, I have a lemon lime, Gatorade and Patron that is definitely going to beat out beat box. Yes, the pink lemonade tequila mix that Emma whipped up is certainly far superior. Wow, that's, wow, three stanks for Shaq. That's a drink. The gay barita, I'm getting a little lightheaded, but it is, it's fantastic.

Yeah. I love it. Now, why don't you just put your head down, just kind of relax for a little bit? I saw you at the pharmacy getting, I saw you getting Gatorade at pharmacy in a bag of a white bag with pills in it. I was milling around the pharmacy at Publix a lot. I know, I also know why. We said we were in a party until the sun went down. The sun is down. The sun is gone down. So let's do the rest of the show, just like a rest of right of your feedback. Let's up on the feedback.

Today's email is from Lance. Lance Wright, simply. What's the best fruit and why? Thanks, Lance. Great question, Lance. Pineapple or mango for me. I love them both. Oh, those are top tier fruits.

And you know why? Tropical. Oh, yeah. Got that. Poyo tropical. Oh, yeah. I'm going to just turn the lights on. This looks great.

The pool light. The pool light. Yeah. I'm going in that pool. I'm going in that fog. I got to take a huge piss. So I got to get in that pool ASAP. Yeah.

I love pineapple. I love mango. Big time fans. But the fruit I probably eat the most at home myself is. I'll tell you. But good guess, blueberries and grapes. Wow. Because I'm a bit of like, I do, and to answer the backhand of that question, why really love like the tossable hand, hand, like, I could have eight blueberries or six grapes and then come back and have another six.

So like, it's not like opening an orange or a clemee or something like that. Mine might be what we have before us, strawberry. Because when I really think about it, I do love strawberry. Like, this is a thing. Not a penthouse item. There's a truly, truly bad strawberries. In fact, I'd say most strawberries are pretty bad. But when you get a good one, it's so good.

It hits so well. I also, like, certainly I'm a fan of peaches. Stone fruits. Stone fruits, yes. And I also really like, like, you know, because some basic picks, apples and bananas. I eat bananas every day. Yes. So, like, honestly, with my minions land you're done, I might have to say banana, but

strawberry is right there. Banana, nah. Banana-na-na, hey, hey, hey, goodbye. Banana-na, banana, banana, hey, hey, hey, goodbye. If you have a question or coming up to the order of Shane restaurants, you can email us at Feedbag atbirdfuck.com or leave us a voicemail at 830-0-636844. Our producer is Emma Urbrenk. Our associate producer is Emilie Marino.

Our video editor is Mike Dorfman. We got merch at kinshipgoods.com slash doughboys. We've got live shows coming up later in April, Irvine, April 29th with Gabris, San Jose, April 30th, guest to be announced. Tickets at birdflock.com slash live. All right. And those episodes you can listen to all of our live episodes

over at patreon.com slash doughboys. Gabris, the funniest guy in the world. Thank you so much for having. Now let's go skinny dipping. And to watch the rest of this episode, head on over to the Platinum Plate Club. Until next time for the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. I'm Tiger Weiger.

Happy eating. See ya and check this out. I'm a spoon man. Check this out. Inpectable 4. What's that? Inpectable 4. Thank you. That looked great.

Thanks. Bye, everyone. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast That Was Us Now on Head Gum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show This Is Us. That's right.

We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes. with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Are we going to laugh? A lot.

A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday. That was a hit gum podcast.