Doughboys - Quizno's with Haley Joel Osment

Episode Date: June 14, 2018

Actor Haley Joel Osment (Silicon Valley, Future Man) joins to discuss acting in food commercials, eating on sets, and to review fading toasted submarine sandwich chain Quizno’s. Plus, another edition of Snack or Wack.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We like the moon. So saying a duo of rodent-like creatures with bulging eyes and giant mouths dubbed the Sponge Monkeys, who, along with the humiliated Star Wars kid, became the internet sensations of 2003. Created by animator Joel Veach for his website RatherGood.com, the crudely animated two-minute short depicted a vocalist and a bowler screeching incoherent lyrics alongside an acoustic guitarist and a Napoleon-style bicorner hat. The Sponge Monkeys belong to a class of viral pre-YouTube web animations, mostly delivered

via flash video that included Badger Badger Badger, Peanut Butter Jelly Time, and All Your Base Are Belong To Us, all sharing a lo-fi aesthetic and absurdist sensibility that would have excluded them from television. Until 2004, that is, when a rapidly growing submarine sandwich chain commissioned Veach to make a Sponge Monkeys TV commercial for their restaurant, and the We Love the Subs ad was born. Though the Malfourn Musical Animal Act was polarizing with viewers, the spots were a huge success at spreading brand awareness for the then-second biggest sandwich chain in

the country. The Sponge Monkeys spot was the most successful of that chain's run of weird-for-weird-sakes commercials, which included an ad featuring a young Jim Parsons reminiscing about suckling on his woof mother's teat, and one in which an anthropomorphic toasting oven lustily implored a sandwich artist to, quote, put it in me. The offbeat marketing was very of its time, the first decade of the 21st century, as was the chain's success itself. Founded in 1981 by Denver fine-dining chef Jimmy Lombatos, it became popular in the Centennial

State for its deli-style oven-baked sandwiches and grew into a mildly successful regional chain during the 80s. After the founders sold the chain to a father-son investing duo in the early 1990s, the company went public and expanded wildly, growing from 18 restaurants in 1991 to nearly 300 by the turn of the century to a staggering count of over 5,000 locations in 2007, on the backs of its innovative toasted subs and the eagerness of its growing army of franchisees. But much like the novelty of a viral video, its success was short-lived. Its much larger competitor, Subway, beat down the sandwiched rebellion by quickly retrofitting

its kitchens to incorporate toasting ovens, nullifying the chain's signature gimmick. Even more devastating was the great recession and financial crisis of 2008, which exposed the over-leveraged company's financial woes, leading to hundreds of store closures and even bankruptcy. Today, just over a decade from its peak, the company has receded to fewer than a thousand locations worldwide. And despite its struggles, do its remaining loyal customers still say, we love the subs? This week on Doughboys, Quiznos.

Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger. Alongside my co-host, Flassidow Domingo, Mitchie Two Spoons, Mike Mitchell. Hey, wait, wait, what? Flassidow? Like Flassidow Domingo, but saying you're Flassid. That was courtesy of Cameron in Mexico City. Thanks for writing in, Cameron.

If you have a roast you'd like to use on the show. Hey, that's cool. From Mexico City. Yeah. RoastSpoonMan at gmail.com. Our neighbors in North America. Nice to have you listening. Wait, what?

Mexico. Our neighbors in North America. Nice to have you listening. Oh, our neighbors. I know, that just was confusing to me. In a confusing way. I apologize. Our neighbors to the south or something maybe would help me out.

You know, this is a fun trivia. I may have said this on the podcast before, but if you want to do like a little trivia question. Oh, no. What's the largest city in North America? And people will naturally answer, they'll be like, oh, New York City, but the actual answer is Mexico City. Wow.

Yeah. Our guest is nodding along. Mitchie and I went to a PWG show this past weekend. We did. Had a lovely time. Had a nice little crew. Two things happened of note, I would say. All right.

We're doing the two of us. Uh-huh. One is you. We had a picture of of Brew Dog and you asked for a little of me to refill you. I was holding the picture. Yeah. And I over poured you and it was a spill. Like I created a spill.

You created a huge spill. There was beer all over the floor and all over your pants. I apologize for that. I was covered in beer. Yes. So that pulled over that night and rested. Wow. Wait, this is the first time hearing of this.

But so I wanted to apologize for that. That was in character for me. But one thing that I think I did that defied expectations, defied your expectations specifically. This is very funny that you've been thinking about this. I thought about both these things. We uh, you had, so there was a, there was an excellent match between two combatants named Bandido and Robbie Eagles. That's right.

High Flyers. It was, it was quite, quite the match. And so I guess this is a lucha tradition is that people throw money into the ring after a particular exceptional match. All right. You know, all right. Go ahead. So Mitch, you took out a, a $5 bill, you took out a five spot.

You really enjoyed this, this Bandido match. It was great. It was great. It was a fantastic match. Um, and uh, both those guys were great. Both those, both these guys that the chant, the, the chant went on. That is, yes. People were chanting both these guys because they liked both of them.

It was very literal. So you wadded up a, a $5 bill. We were sitting in the back row and you basically dared me to attempt to throw it, confident that I could not make it into the ring. I was so sure you were not going to make it in more sure than you'd ever been that I could not throw it into the ring. And you know what? My arm was powerful.

My aim was true. I got that bad boy in over the top rope and into the ring. You truly threw something the appropriate length. I was pretty proud of myself. I do remember you saying, uh, you were going to throw it with your other hand and you said, let me use my whack off hand. I saw a trail of smoke behind the five dollar bill as it sailed into the, as it sailed into the ring.

All right, anyways, how to how to Mitchy Two Spoons Nation embarrass good guest today, a cal, a caliber guest. He gave a little fist pump by the way, that's very insulting to our other. I know, well, hey, stop ranking them. I think that the other b, c's, d's, f caliber, guess they should bring up their game. Yeah, they're, step it up, Matt, koalik. Yeah, koalik, you fucking suck. So I'm embarrassed to do this drop, but let's just do it, huh, and it's not going

to work, which is more embarrassing. It's going to be fine. No, it's not, it's not going to be fine. Why don't you cue it up before I know because it starts playing usually automatically. God damn it. You should start testing these out. There we go. Kind of nice. Yeah.

It's too long. A group of dolphins, dolphins, a group of dolphins trying to have sex with me. 10 seconds more. There's usually something funny at the end, right, Nick? Nope. Not if it's like our podcast. Nope, just a fade out. That was nice.

Nice little dream like ethereal music, not out of place in a water level in a Donkey Kong country game. Oh, all right. I like that. That's this was from shampoo daler. Okay, please make Weigar dance to this tune and post the video. All right. You guys, Mitch does not read the email in advance of playing the drop.

So if there's some relevant, would you have gotten up and dance to that song? I might have. I might have played along if that's weird. I'm happy that you didn't do that. It's bizarre. All right. Let's introduce our guest, please. You know our guest from Silicon Valley in the sixth sense.

You can now see him on Future Man on Hulu. Haley Joel Osman is here. Hi, Haley. Hello, guys. How's it going? Thank you for being at this terrible pod. Thanks for sitting through all that. Man, it's fun hanging out with you guys.

I listen to your podcast all the time. Oh, God bless you. It's cool to be here. Yeah, that was that's great to hear that that that it's it's it's I've everyone who listens, it's a very nice thing. It's very nice. But when people say that, I always wonder like, are these people who haven't found about like the iTunes top charts?

You don't know. I was just informed about this American life. So it's been great, guys. Good luck in the future. But I actually heard, I think Lauren Lafkis say this on a podcast the other time where she was a broad shooting and listening to your show was like a way to feel like you were back home for a little bit different times. I've been shooting in weird places and like listening to you guys at a chain

restaurant in California that takes me right back home. I think that's why Lafkis has decided to move out of the country. Haley, you mentioned you mentioned chain restaurants. And and and its connection to your life and it connects your life in a pretty specific way in regarding your profession, because one of your first acting jobs was in a pizza hut commercial. That is correct. In 1992, I was walking through the old Ikea in Burbank, and they were doing

this thing that I doubt anyone would do nowadays. But they had two casting assistants in front of the store with a little table taking Polaroids of all the kids that came in, which sounds so sketchy and more and more every time I tell this story. Why are you doing that at Ikea this week? But from that, my picture got picked off a pile, went into a cattle call audition for Pizza Hut, did that commercial, and the casting director from Forest Gumps saw that.

And that is how everything sort of got started. Oh, man. So the most random sort of. Yes, I guess I have to thank the pizza hut company. Are they also KFC and Taco Bell? That's all the same. Yeah, that young brand. Thanks to a large young company. I guess also thanks Ikea and Ikea.

Yeah. Wait, so you mentioned I want to talk about this this commercial a little bit, because I'm curious about it. But you mentioned Forest Gump. Have you ever eaten at Bubba Gump Shrimp Company? No, I have not. That I there's only really like aren't they just in places like Times Square and everything? There's never been a thing where like I've run into one and I would probably hesitate because who knows what would happen

if the universe would end if you re-encounter a brand version of a movie you did 25 years ago. It's like when Jean-Claude Van Damme pushes Ron Silver into past Ron Silver into a cop. Yeah, it's just sort of like you think that he would turn into a big CGI blob if he if he happened to walk into one. It's the end of 2001. You just become Bubba Gump's star child.

That's why Stallone can't go into Plant Hollywood, because it's too gravity will change if that happens. So I guess it doesn't go in there anymore. He kind of looks like he has walked into one. I'm saying he looks like whatever would happen. Stallone, he got Jack Johnson off with Trump. That's cool. That's true. That was the number one thing I realized that I was I looked at Nick

and he was not having me making fun of Stallone at all. I kind of I kind of back down immediately. I have a soft spot for Cobra. Did you know that the face off, which we were just talking about that, the original cast was supposed to be Schwarzenegger and Stallone. That would have been insane. That's something. I mean, face off is already incredible. Like I just like imagining that version

with with all the crazy shit that happens, the gravity boots in the future jail, like all this everything in that movie is so insane. Every choice is insane. And then I'm also trying to think of those guys trying to act as each other. There's some real pathos to that. There's a dead son like 10 seconds in. Yeah, it's very dark. I keep pictures Schwarzenegger on the merry-go-round at Griffin Park.

Slow motion. Oh, man, they should do it. Reboot it. That just just them trying to imitate each other's voices. That's the funniest. That's so funny. That's sad that we never got to see that. Yeah, I mean, that's that's an amazing one. Also, Travolta is like insane in that. I mean, like they're both great.

They're both perfect for the tone of that movie. I'm saying the character itself is is crazy insane. Yeah, yeah, he's so he plays that character so big. I mean, they both play it so big. It's great. It's fantastic. It's so movie deliciously over the top. So good. But OK, so this this this pizza commercial you were in,

you were telling us it was for the the briefly briefly promotional Bigfoot pizza that existed. Yeah, I was surprised you said that you and your wife liked it. We did. We both have very fond memories of the Bigfoot pizza. It was like a giant rectangular, extremely thin crust pizza. Right. Yeah. It was akin to like a Detroit style pizza. Kind of the one the ones the the the square one they have

at Little Caesars is kind of what the Bigfoot is like. That's right. Yeah. But it was a good version of the big what what what why were they pushing? Was Bigfoot itself big at the time? Well, yeah, I think there was this. It was like X files in the early 90s or that sort of sense. That might have been directly related to that. Right.

Ninety two, ninety three like sightings and so on. Yeah, big part of that decade. Yeah. Right. Yeah, I just had a flashback though. When we did shoot a forest gump partially in Buford, South Carolina, there was a chain restaurant down there called Quincy's. Whoa, hell, yeah. That's the member being very good, like really, really heavy

southern like rolls and stuff like that. Right. We do everything heavy and Quincy. That just I hadn't thought about that in a long time. That's that's that's amazing. I was I was going to have the steam to shankton. I saw you over there just fucking thinking I could have gone frail, but I could have gone wu tang a lot of directions and went with changing took my shot that was going to ask about just I mean a pizza

commercial as a kid. Were you a fan of pizza when you when you were when you were a little kid or or what? Our parents were pretty good about like soda like once a week. You get out on Saturday. So we ate really healthy as kids. So when I turned 18 and moved to New York, that was a bad thing going. Hang on, I can have anything in my oh no.

But yeah, yeah, I think I think even on that David Chang show that just came out where they were talking about like the best pizzas in the world, you know, in Italy and, you know, that all the best places in New York and he's like, I'll defend Domino's like this is a fond memory. Everybody has that thing when you're a kid and you have like the sleep over you're playing N64 and somebody's mom orders a, you know, chain pizza. Like, right? It's a happy memory.

Of course. Yeah, did you get did you get to try that? Did you get to try the Bigfoot pizza at all? Or I also did a McDonald's commercial back then and both times you're like, oh, man, I'm going to eat so much like pizza. And of course, there's no food of that kind on set. Oh, my two seconds in the commercial, they were it was like handheld, like, you know, Bigfoot style stuff.

And I was standing in the sand pit at the playground in Griffith Park with this other kid going, oh, big would be an understatement. I even said the word wrong. So that was the extent of my experience. But then we had like a party in the park when it came out and got Bigfoot pizzas. I remember everybody being really disappointed by it going like, this is it. The kids not liking it. Like, I was so shocked to say you liked it because I don't think it lasted

very long because everyone's like, this is just the kids are throwing rocks at you. Yeah. Yeah, go on. No, I was going to say, there's actually a a Nintendo connection to the Bigfoot pizza because and I always butcher his name because it's difficult to pronounce. Is it Reggie Philzamy? Oh, yeah, yeah. That is that is a very the president of North America, president of North America

and Nintendo of America. But he worked it. He was like the the big kahuna over at the big cheese, if you will, over at at Pizza Hut while they were doing the Bigfoot promotion. Oh, really? Yeah. And then he came to Nintendo. Yeah, that was like one of his big initiatives. And I think, like, like, regardless of its quality, I I remember it fondly, but, you know, I doubt it was the best pizza in the world, but it was it was a

success. Apparently, yeah, just just just the fact of I have so many questions. And just as a kid in being on being on set, do you did you get to eat? Like, I mean, I guess you're you have some sort of parent there. That's kind of watching what you would eat. So but but do you remember the just a random parent? Just anyone will do. But do you remember the food being good? Like, that's great.

The Quincy's memory is great. But like on set food, do you remember it being? Yeah, I did like network sitcoms a lot in the late 90s. And that was nice. Like with everything now, as I'm sure you've seen on sets, like nothing gets a crew and everybody in a good mood other than good food. Everybody should invest in that. Like it makes such a big difference.

Like everybody's happy and eating good stuff. One story, though, is on one sitcom I did. We had a craft service guy who was like a good chef and he'd make these great soups. But whenever the soup was ready, whether we would be rehearsing, whatever he'd go, soups up. And they were like, can you not yell that? Like, because we get distracted and everything. And he wouldn't.

And they fired him because he wouldn't stop saying, soups up. You hear this voice from behind the stands saying that he was like blowing tapes by yelling soups up. That's crazy. I also saw a producer fire a craft service guy on a Tom Selleck miniseries I did in in New Mexico because he didn't have his preferred flavor of Bluebell ice cream at the producer. Just what you're fired.

Oh, my God. Easy. Dear God, Hollywood is a big part of the set atmosphere. Yeah, it's insane. Yeah, yeah. But my parents were pretty like not, you know, no candy and soda and stuff. Yeah. And you could see the difference because kids, you know, on certain shows

I'd work with who were allowed to run wild. It's crazy that small children are allowed to just chug Coca-colas all day because it makes you insane when you're like 40 pounds and you've had three Coca-colas, you lose your mind. Yeah. Then they had that and still have it in schools. You could just have a 20 ounce thing of Dr. Pepper when you're in sixth grade.

That was so crazy to me. I remember when I was in middle school that they put in a frutopia machine. And I was like, if you look at frutopia, then it was. So terrible for like, like all sugar, all sugar, all sugar. But it was back then when they would like market things that were so super unhealthy as kind of like, this is like a natural sort of, you know, breakfast. Yeah, go Gerd, get your get your fermented yogurt thing. And really, it's 70 grams of sugar.

Yeah. And that I feel like I mean, I did drink. I was I was a soda. And so were you, Nick, right? At one point. Oh, yeah, I was a big time. I call a drinker. I mean, I've mentioned before we were a Pepsi family.

So I drank a lot of Pepsi's growing up. And then I had, you know, I hate the fact that you are a Pepsi family. I can't help it. Same. It's who I am. It was my upbringing. Probably like black olives and licorice, too. He's chewing on them right now. Are you excited about the new can redesign, the 80s thing?

You know what? I actually have, I haven't thought about it too much, but I guess so. Yeah, I guess I'm excited for Pepsi. Oh, OK, we still are. No, but I don't drink. I don't really drink soda at all anymore. I like a carbonated water and that that's about is. But I try to avoid liquid sugars because it's just so it's just such

an easy way to load up on calories. But yeah, I used to drink a lot of Pepsi. And then I had a period where I drink a lot of Royal Crown Cola. It's a big RC Cola guy. Yeah. And it's like Jolt Cola. Yeah, exactly. Coke was like was Coke like the fourth on your list or something? I would say probably my Mount Soda more was like Pepsi, RC,

Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper. This is insane. Nowadays, I would say like a full sugar Coke. If I want to have a soda tree, like that's my glass bottled with the Mexican one. Yeah, that's ideal cane sugar. Oh, yeah, that's the best one. So, yes, I have matured and I have grown to like for an occasional sweet treat.

I'll like a Coca Cola classic. Sure. But yeah, I used to drink it. I used to drink a ton of soda and I think that was part of like, you know, why bitch, you and I were both very heavy, heavy kids. Yeah, I mean, like I just it's just so it's such an easy way to just load up on sugar. You're right. Little kids who have a drink, three Cokes, they're bouncing around, shitting all over the place.

It's true. Mostly shitting everywhere. It's a major problem on Saturday. Disney Channel has a lot of problems with that. Just got a guy with a hose. Very unglamorous job. So wait, so so that actually makes me think like because you are someone who has been acting, it feels like most of your life. Do you have a like did that change your relationship with food at all?

Like being someone who is like basically constantly on camera or having that as a job? I don't know. Nowadays, especially because like I moved to New York for college and then stayed there exclusively for like 10 years. It getting into this city and it's extremely healthy like culture, it feels relatively like recent for me to encounter that. And yeah, and like seeing actors who like just have their special blended like smoothie stuff and nothing else.

Because like for me, like that grazing at craft service, like there's so much time to pass on the set. So like it has to be a thing that you have to consciously not allow yourself to do. For sure. Yeah, that's why people so many actors smoke, I think, because there's so many like breaks where you're just kind of antsy and waiting around and those little habits really crop up a lot for people. Yeah, I nap or or even fall asleep in my chair.

If you're able to do that, that's a great thing to do. Yeah, you'll do that during the show sometimes. Yeah, obviously, if you go back and look at love, I'll be asleep in most scenes. People can't tell because of my eyes. That's why. Yeah, I mean, you're in some of you are in some of the biggest. It's crazy. You're in some of the biggest films of the 90s.

Is it a thing that I feel like some people don't want to talk about it? You care talking about. I'm not saying like we will talk about it, but you do care talking about it. You go back and watch them ever. Like, are you a fan of those films too? Yeah, that's the fun thing is that they're movies that I'm really proud of. So it is a weird thing when you continue to act and like people are most familiar with, you know, with you as something that's like 20 years ago.

But those were all films that I were great experiences to work on and things that I'm proud of today, particularly with something like AI, where it's like that's that's a movie just as a fan of Spielberg and Kubrick. I can't believe I'm a part of that. Yeah, that's so cool. It's something that it philosophically they were on to something that I think will remain important for a really long time. But I love that. I love that rules.

It's an awesome movie. God, and and they had the Kubrick exhibit like three or four years ago here. And I had never seen the original drawings that he had made in like the eighties. Right. Cityscape at the end and all that. And you're like, Jesus, like all the years of work that went into this was pretty cool. I just saw 2001 at the. Yeah, I did, too. Oh, no way. All right, great.

It was great. Were you in the dome or no? I've never been a fan of the dome. I think it distorts it a little bit and the sound is not great. I also think people are familiar with the dome. Not from L.A. It kind of has a curvature to the screen. Yeah. So yeah, it's a little bit of a different picture. I went I went to the dome just because I was like,

oh, it was like the second premiere was at the dome or whatever. But then when I was in there, I felt the same way where I was like, I just wish I had seen it on a normal screen. And also the dome is is is less comfortable. It feels more kind of cramped, right? It's weird. Yeah. You find yourself to especially with 3D stuff there, like, yeah, I take off my glasses in there because I just feel like I'm cross-eyed.

I will do want to give a shout out to the AMC and Burbank, though. Their Dolby Theatre is incredible because it really, for me, sound has become so important. And I tried to go to the 40 X thing downtown. Your seat spins around. I spray water on it. I love the 40. It's fun. I'm pressing the furious.

That was perfect for that. But because of all the crap that's, you know, pistons firing and smoke getting blown at you, it messes with the sound in the theater. Right. Yeah. And they have a specific one in Burbank where it's like the Dolby. They have the IMAX on one side and the Dolby Theatre on the other with recliners and everything.

And I just saw a solo there and the sound was awesome. So, man, yeah, I did the I did. The last movie I did in 40 X was Oh God, now I'm going to forget the John Ham, the the the car, the driver, baby driver. There we go. Oh, that would have been a 40 X. And it was not a good 40 X in like it was a good 40 X movie because like there is action in it.

But like a lot of the times is like music that's like do do do do do. And like your chair is just like slowly rotating around. And you're like, this kind of sucks for it. It also they jump when there's jumps on screen, they like knock you out of your seat a little bit. But if you're listening, you can hear the thing go like like getting ready to do it. You're like, oh, the clown's probably about to appear.

The piston steaming up. The best one I saw there was the Captain America Civil War because they had the smells down really well. The smell of like cordite for gunfire. But then for Independence Day, too, that like I'm so curious about the process of who decides what effect happens when because they basically just splashed water on us the whole time. Like we're in space.

There's no water up here like right out of ideas. If I was if I was a person to design that, I would make a choice. Like every time Hulk is on screen, there's like a sour smell. People are like, what does Hulk smell bad or like something? Body odor for certain. Yeah, well, they just fought on Thanos for a really long time. Like it smells in here. Is Mike Mitchell in this theater?

A piece of shit. We're all having fun. I'm having fun, too. OK. Wait, so it sounds like you're you're like, I mean, actually, I know this about you, but like you're you're a huge movie fan. You're a big movie guy. When you're watching a movie, when you're in the theater,

you got to have some snacks or some sort of beverage or do you? I mean, what is your what is your go to? I always I hope that more theaters will embrace like it being a place to hang out and just having candy and popcorn and everything because it's not especially with Alamo. Like it's not perfect because they're making people like like crouch down and walk with your clanking drinks and silver and everything. It's a little disruptive.

It's not perfect, but that idea where like, you know, everybody's worried about declining audiences and everything. It's like make the movie theater like a fun place to hang out where there's like an incentive to go there. So yeah, when there's like real food at a place, Arclight started doing that. They have like pretty good sausages and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah.

Arclight, though, I I love Arclight. And then I I am kind of almost going back towards AMC because they they like now just give you like a couch, basically. You're reclining couch to sit in. It's so nice. It's so so it's it's unbelievably nice. And that one in in Burbank is is great. That's a great spot. Yeah, I I will say if you're if you're at a theater,

if you're at an AMC by yourself and you've got that reclining seat and there's someone you don't know seated next to you, which is a situation I've been in, perhaps at a children's movie, Lego Batman, where it was a little. I was like, I feel weird reclining my seat next to in the dark. I feel as a was it a child next to you? No, I think this was an adult woman, but there were children there. I mean, like I just felt like I was like,

this is this. I'm uncomfortable doing and find yourself reaching out to hold hands with somebody. Sorry, it's just a weird instinct. Look for the scary minion moment or whatever it is on screen. Weigler, what was Natalie with you at this Lego Batman? No, I went by myself. Dear Christ, she would had a nice time, but I think she was. She was an interest in seeing it at the time. Yeah, I wonder why. Oh, boy. Well, so besides Quincy's, which is already more than I think,

is there any other on set food moments that you remember from a kid where you were in awe of something like that or or just something really great? Or is that kind of it? Speaking of AI, they had the Krispy Kreme truck deliver a truck full of doughnuts. Wow. Every single morning. That's how many people were working on that. They said they could bring in like hundreds of boxes. It seemed like that's kind of was just that the food was

very good on that one. And then on the opposite end of it, I did a film in Poland, I think the same year with Willem Dafoe. And we were kind of out like away from the cities and everything. And this is like 2000. So they were just recently coming out of communism and everything like that. And me and Willem and the producer, my dad were the only Americans on the project. So the producer had said to people in Poland, like, we have Americans coming here. We need to make American food available for the Americans and everything.

And their interpretation of this was boiled chicken and french fries. No spices, no ketchup, literally every single day. Wow. For two months. Wow. I guess that's American. Thank you. And you could tell like how hard everybody's life had been in that country because the crew, we were working on a quarry one day and all the tables were out, not covered and it poured down rain and everybody sat drenched in rain, eating calmly their wet food.

My man, life under communism was tough. Yeah, that's eating their boiled chicken. Yeah, like not phased at all. Dear God, that is a I sometimes will just stay out in the rain. Nick, I'm that sort of guy. Are you really? I like it never rains here. So when it does rain, I like to get it. And so you're you're you live in New York.

Basically half the time right in LA. I love cold weather. I love it too. Yeah. Do you do you come back to LA in the winter more or is it kind of just like whatever it's so random? Like, I'll get back there like a week or two of every month or two, basically. For 10 years, I was just there. But everything shoots out here. So it's right now.

So wait, as someone who who spent so much time in New York and like what was your you know, you get to college, you're in NYU, you're in a different city. You have some autonomy, like you mentioned earlier. And like what are your food habits become? And then what are your food favorites in the in the city? Like when you go back to New York, what is the stuff that you're craving? It's really just amazing how the variety of things you can get. And what's really turned it turbo now is just with the internet.

Like you can go on Eater and it's this thing where it's like, well, I only want to eat the best ramen that's available in America right now. And like you kind of can, you know, it's it's it's just I'm I love it all there. I Blue Hill is a restaurant. I live kind of close to that like like real farm heavy, like, you know, they make special squashes that are, you know, like uniquely bread or something. Oh, that's a really good spot. There's really good Korean food in in there in like the 30s around there,

like a lot of good places there. Great sushi. Ichimura at Brushstroke is really good. The guy who made the egg. Nakazawa, the guy who made the egg sushi in the Zero Dreams of Sushi. Like he has his own place there and he got in trouble with the fire department because he just started burning hay on the roof of their building. And like the West Village, like clouds of hay smoke because he uses hay that's like smoke the fish. Oh, they're like, you cannot do that.

You cannot set fires on the roof. That's that. Yeah, I feel like you're in why you specifically, too, is such a school where it's like you're in the city and you're and you're you're kind of not like more on your own than than other schools. Your campus is Lower Manhattan itself. Oh, fuck you. You. Oh, God. No, I like the studios where we where we did I studied theater there.

Yeah, we're overlooking Broadway, like all four days. You're like, that's really inspiring. Yeah, that's crazy. It's a pretty cool place to be. Let's go to the quad, a.k.a. Central Park. Yeah. God, throw the frizz out there. It's great. A nightmare for NYU. Yeah.

Their Roman just dropped 40 percent. Well, now we get to ask the annoying question. L.A. versus New York, baby. Yeah. Well, it's when I moved there, it was very easy to go. This is a real city. Right. L.A. Everybody you're in your car all the time and, you know, all it's really disconnected and all that.

That remains true. But since I've come back, I've learned to appreciate the great things about this city more. And it's kind of just if you are able to design your life where you stay in kind of one area more and you don't have to commute across the city. Yeah, there's a lot of really great spots. And the food in L.A. is also, you know, just fantastic. Great food. I think it is great.

But you hit on something. And this is the thing that we we've talked about on here before, but it's just that thing of in New York at any time getting whatever you want. Sure. Yeah, which is which is that's great. It is weird that how early things close. Actually, Boston always freaks me out. Like that city is dead at like 11. We got some weird old Puritan shit going on where, you know,

the packy the package stores were like would close at like on I'll be a close on Sundays or whatever and stuff like that. But I think not anymore. I think you can get booze on Sundays now. Yeah. Well, L.A. was just talking about rezoning parts of the city so that bars can stay up until four because they're like, yeah, in a residential area. That makes no sense to do that.

But yeah, downtown on Seventh Street. Like maybe, yeah, I'm happy that they weren't open. I'm sure I would be dead. Well, yeah, if that was the case when I was like 23, I'd be like, hell, yeah, bars open to four. But no, you wouldn't know I tell you what, I would have been like, I would have been more OK, fine. I would never have been like that at any point.

Oh, yeah, I would have been closer to that than I am now, which is that now bars open to four a.m. I'm worried about like getting up to go for a jog and seeing some drunk people about because I'm like, that's closer to my wake up time than when I'd go to bed. You at 23. Hell, yeah, Fifle Goes West premieres tonight. Let's drink all night and go to it together. All right, first off, I want to see, I want to see when Fifle Goes West

released because I think you're implying that I'm 55 years old. Are you older? No, 93. That sounds right. Fifle Goes West 1991. Wow. I was 11. I was not, I was not 23.

I'm pretty close. All right, that's fine. What child's, what children's movie came out when you were 23 years old? I mean, you could probably just tell me you're some sort of in some way of the no, not necessarily 23. So 12 years later, yeah, wait, 23, maybe Shrek to 2003. I'm guessing. I'm just guessing.

I don't know, which I saw in theaters. What was this hell? Yeah, that never exists. I knew you were a great character, though. I really think you should continue to develop this I knew you were loving. Hard drinking character. I knew you when you were 25 years old. Yes.

And what I remember about you is that you were the guy who would go home all the time still. Right. I would tend to go home early, but I would stay up late. I had a period where I'd stay up pretty late. That's true. Yeah, fine. But I was not a guy who'd ever stay out at a particular late, although I

will say when I've been like, when I've like visited New York for, uh, for whatever reason for work or just to hang out, I have, those have been times when I've stayed out till close to last call because I'm just like, it's in a different city. It feels like if everybody's up that late, it doesn't feel so sinister. Yeah, you did the last time we were there. I went out to the bar with Gabriel's and you didn't join me. Okay, that's true.

I was sick. That was yes. That was that was the that was our most recent visit. Yeah, I was there with Natalie. We were tired. I was I was after 10. Hold on a second. There's the time change flying, but the time change though is that they're

ahead. You should be not as tired. If it's like midnight there, it's like nine p.m. here. I'll I'll look that up. By the way, one one quick thing. Yes, I'm sorry to you on this podcast. You scoffed at me. You scoffed at me and when I said that the Celtics, you said Mitch thinks that

Celtics can make the finals this year and you did this shitty snooty scoff and I want you to I want you to say you were wrong about that team. Well, first off, they did not make the finals this year. That's not the point of it. I was going to say this. I was a yes. I was something of a scout of a Celtic doubter that part. They come from Celtic Heater, if you will, although I will say this is the

closest a Celtics team has ever come to being likable for me. And I really like that weird Yankees and the Celtics are like, Oh, they're the like the nice young guys. Yeah, they're nice and scrappy at the death star of these sports. Yeah, the Lakers of the deaths. Oh, no, no, no, are you going to come and will are you a Lakers fan? Of course, I was born here. I know it makes sense.

It makes sense. It makes sense, but yes. But yeah, you were. Yes, I will say that you were closer to correct than I was the fuck up. No, how do you want me to phrase it? Tell me and you were. I just wanted to say that you were wrong about this team. The idea of them making the finals shouldn't have been scoffed at.

You were wrong. Okay, I was wrong. Yes. No, I was about to say that. Say it. Say it. I was wrong about myself. Yes.

But I am going to say this. I did. I picked for them. I picked them to win. Oh, God, against the Bucks, which a lot of people didn't. I picked them to lose against the Sixers in five games. Pretty much everyone picked and five games sixers. Yes, I know.

I really I thought that expected to be blown out. I don't think I was alone in doubting the Celtics team. And it's a testament to Brad Stevens and that young roster, particularly Jason Tatum. Jalen Brown is one of my favorite players, despite being a Celtic. And I like that. And I will say that they had a very, very they had a very good run and they should you should feel proud for your city. Thank you for once piece of shit.

How was the Super Bowl? Was that a tough day for you? Oh, my God, you stabbed me in the back. I'm wearing a Patriots hat right now. I think it's fair. Again, did you know that I that I that I went? Yeah, he knew. Oh, you went.

That's right. Yeah, you talked about it on the yeah, the so I knew that I knew that there was a chance that they would lose, but I had to go and see because I didn't know if they would be back. We've been spoiled and and and Hayes and and John they they they were afraid that they were going to lose Nick and you talking about it, but it was a great game. It was like it wasn't like the Patriots got blown out or no. It was a great game.

Yeah, but okay. It's good. Look, the Celtics and if LeBron goes to the Lakers that that's that's it's insane. First of all, it could happen. I'm going to say I'm going to lay off making any future basketball predictions. Yeah, that's probably a good idea, but it could happen.

A free agency is always a crap. You never know. I mean, who saw Paul George going to the Thunder every who knows what's going to happen. The Celtics were a better team than the calves, but LeBron is one of the best basketball players, of course, and he did it. What can I say? I'm glad you I always thought he was one of the best basketball players.

I just didn't say he was the greatest I've always said that LeBron was going to be the greatest. So so I know when you got to New York and I think this was the connection because we're talking about this a little the restaurant was was around when your relationship began with this week's chain. Is that correct? It is correct. There was one of these really close to my high school.

And you know how lunch is like 22 minutes in high school. So you got to be quick. Oh, yeah. And it was just enough time to toast the bread to get it through the machine. So I was only thinking about this today where I was like, I probably eat there a lot in high school and then this was high school. Yeah. And then there was one, even though I was in New York City with all these great

food available, it was in a part of Broadway where it's a lot of chain restaurants and I couldn't really get to the dope pizza place right 20 minutes we had to eat. So I went there occasionally to and like had a quick set. The one I would do back then. Are we are we saying what it is? Yeah, I'm sure people have seen it on the episode. Yeah, this is the episode description.

Quiz knows. Yeah, they used to have those little torpedo sandwiches. Oh, yes, and everything. And that was like a common lunch thing for me. Right. Yeah, they were a little a little bit more modest. 22 minute lunch. That God, it's crazy.

Too fast. What we do to kids is crazy. What we do also the other thing I remember in high school, I think there was like a lunch period that started in the 10 o'clock hour. Oh, right. That's insane. Yeah, they had super early lunches. I remember I just remember being so sleepy my entire high school because I had a

I had a zero period for symphonic wins where I was first chair bassoon. Wow. And I was. God. And so I remember but I had to get there at like I think I'd get there either five 50 or six 50 a.m. It was like insanely early. It was super early and I was like super tired at the time, not at all a morning

person. And I was late so so frequently in high school that, you know, our our conductor deducted points from students that like did I like gave they gave you deductions based on based on how often you were late because it was so early. It was important. The original starts on time. And despite being a guy who literally at the end of his senior year, like they they made me a trophy like or they put my name on a trophy for like

outstanding music student, despite that, I got an F in symphonic wins purely based off of being late. Really? Yeah. He's like, well, you I like I did the grading and I wasn't playing favorites. You got an F in this class. We should put that trophy right here next to the Tournament of Chompians trophy next to the Dave Thomas Cup.

The Dave Thomas Cup. No, it's a it's in a case somewhere at Long Beach Poly I. Symphonic wins. Yeah. I should have known I should have seen. Well, you could probably get a lot of Star Wars material out of that. Oh, sure. Yeah.

Yeah, there's some there's some famous rips from the Star Wars soundtrack that employ a bassoon. Yeah. Also the grandfather from Peter and the Wolf, that's right. Oh, that's so cool. Mitch, I feel like you're patronizing me. I think that honestly, I think there should be a double episode. You and the bassoon.

Is that a bassoon? Yeah, you do a drop and he plays a bassoon at the top of every episode. I think I think you should just do the bassoon a full double episode. I haven't touched it in I don't think I've played a bassoon in 20 years. Really? Why? No, not not 20 years. You got a trophy for being good at it.

What's going on? Then I gave up. I walked away. Anytime I touch success, I walk away. Why? Because I don't know. Why'd you come into comedy? Well, I knew I wouldn't succeed at that.

I think it's time for you to walk away from comedy, too, by the way. You were encouraging me not to do that. I know. I think it is time. I've changed my mind. That's fine. You're a talented guy. I think you should pick it up again.

Why not? I mean, did you enjoy doing it? You don't enjoy doing stuff. I kind of liked it. I think that maybe I was more. I think I probably got more mileage out of my work ethic than out of my natural talent, which was something I identified about myself as a musician, which, which to me, I was like, I was like, OK, I think that's going to be

kind of a limiting factor versus someone who it may becomes easier to, you know, once a late boy, just like me. I was once a late boy. Yeah, but I didn't want to be like the Mark Madsen of bassoon. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, this guy is scrappy. He really goes for it. He really tries, but like there are other people who are better.

I got I got I got news for you. I think you might still be. I think I think I think it happened. Right, right. I'm sorry. My current skill level qualify. I don't know. I don't know how I'd be if I ever, if I took it out of its case and blew

the dust off of and tried to play it after whatever I messed around with their alumni early 20s. So yeah, probably at minimum 15 years. I don't know. I don't know what happened. It's a double episode. Yeah, we'll try it out. Interestingly, there is a double bassoon, which is, which is like a

contra bassoon, which plays a lower register. All right, episodes canceled. Haley, you ever noodle around with a musical instrument? Yeah, I played guitar since I was in high school and messed around. I can mess on drums and piano a little bit. So that's fun. Yeah, that was the real even even more than the food. The real thing that made me fall in love with New York is that you could see

like a decent show every single night of the week. Oh, wow. Yeah, just like really put that to use. Just saw tons and tons of shows and try to when I when I go back every now and then to but yeah, yeah, music, music is fun. Do you ever go to the baked potato up in a in it? It's in jazz club. It's a studio in studio city where the gimmick is their menu is all different

types of baked potatoes. Nick, did you did you know about this place? I think you've told me about it. Okay, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, who banks used to used to play there? Jay Leno's bassoon player who play there after after tonight show shows and stuff like he would he would play it is actually it's a great it's a great night could be a nice date night or just a kind of a fun club night and then there will be guys who just there's like kind of like a jam night where people

just come up and yeah, yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, yeah, what is here as a music live music aficionado? What are what has been have been some of your favorite shows to see or what are your favorite acts to see? Uh, one of my favorite bands is Radiohead got to see them a lot in a lot of weird different places. They just played in they're going to do four nights at Madison Square Garden this summer.

That was the last time I saw them in 2016 and that was a killer show. I saw Gil Scott Herron right before he died at the Blue Note in New York. That was really cool. That's cool. Who else have I seen? God, oh, I saw Bob. This is a terrific venue in Harlem. It's like this giant gold leaf decorated church.

OK, I did Palace Theater and I saw Bob Dylan play there while he was in a good mood, playing a lot of guitar and playing the songs that everybody really, really wants to see. Oh, no, that was really, that was really cool. He doesn't really do that, right? No, it's he'll you. Yeah, it's always like a spin the wheel on what sort of show you're going to get. He might just be playing the organ.

He might be doing like that sort of stuff. But it was a really, really awesome show. Oh, that's awesome. Yes, I'll figure Ross there one time. Yeah, just a just a nut for shows. Oh, and very recently, I saw Fortet at this new venue they have in Williamsburg and he had worked with the guys that I'm blanking on what the space is called. But they had planned for months this huge

like lattice work of LED lights that were hanging down like this forest of lights and synced up all his music to that, put all of the beats in like crazy surround, you know, sound set up and then everybody in the crowd stood in the lights with him while he played and it was like going out. It was one of the coolest things I've ever seen. That's insane. Yeah. Just hearing that describe gave me a panic attack.

We'll take a break. We'll be back with more Doe Boys. Welcome back to Doe Boys. We're here with Haley Joel Osment. Quiz knows is this week's chain. We were toasty toasty. Yes, that was there. Is it toasty?

Was it a bunch of ooms? It might have been at some point. I remember just being toasty for a time. Oh, OK. But I definitely toasty. And there was a weird rat mascots. They had a weird there. They've had a number of strange ad campaigns.

Yeah, they had a this was a, you know, they had. Yeah, they had the weird. It was like an internet one point. Oh, sort of like hamster dance inspired. Yeah, just like random video where they had some some rodents of some maybe two ahead of its time or something. Maybe it was better now. I feel like if you did it now, like people would like social media would love it.

But now then back then people were just disoriented. Because Tungus has taken off for some reason. So I guess a little character like that might. I don't know that's nationwide for the AMP and mascot. Oh, yes. Yeah, the Tungus is I compared myself to him on Doe Boys. Yeah, I feel like we are similar and probably have the same amount of food on our bodies at any given moment.

I love we have the same lawyer. He actually told me you're suing them for likeness rights. I want the Tungus likeness rights. Yeah, like they're saying that you they stole your they stole your image and are trying to profit off. You can't pull a twizzler out of my. I don't think you can pull a twizzler out of my head and then people online have already started.

Maybe didn't listen to the episode and have already said that I look like Tungus, right, which is a compliment. He's a good looking guy. Yeah, every one is getting some beautiful woman. Yeah, you know what? I feel like all these kind of new I feel like Geico commercials like depress me. Yeah, they're all not. They're not fun.

Always a bummer. It's it's it's it's it's too it's too it's too much. It's it's we're it's overload. Every single thing is like sarcastic and funny. I it's too it's too much for me now. Yeah, when like zombies started showing up in commercials, that was kind of the point where I was like, OK, it's just like and yeah, now it's so everything. I think post old spice, those those initial campaigns, everything has gotten so

like ironic and detached and every mascot is an ironic version of themselves. Like self aware commenting on like I'm a captain of cereal. Yeah, that's pretty random. You know, it's like just be Captain Crunch. It's fine. Your enemies are the soggies like live in your world. That'd be so refreshing to see like an earnest captain, an earnest captain, honest captain man, promoting a serial, right?

Exactly. Yeah, just see just let Jolly Green Giant be himself. Just let Mr. Don't have Mr. Clean be talk about how like fuckable he is like while winking at the camera. Just have him be Mr. Clean. He could just embody that. But meanwhile, like the the cheesiest chain like McDonald's has gone the other direction, going like we're going to put really nice like artisanal pictures.

Yeah, a salt, you know, grinder on the bag and something like the hamburgers nowhere to be found. Right, right. Also, I thought it was funny that you talked about your spec, Mr. Clean commercial. I got that in there. I'm trying to get Haley to be in it. Well, we can talk about this. Yeah, extremely solicitous, Mr. Clean.

So, so Quiz knows we went to just before recording. Yeah, they've had some they've had some very strange marketing behind them, but they've and they've also had now, now, now we should say zero marketing. They really don't seem to have much marketing at all. Yeah, they've had the war. Take down your map like locations, guys, driven by that one that's supposedly at the Glendale Community College. Yeah, three times.

Yeah, it's really they they have disappeared. They've just like disappeared one by one. And it's kind of honestly, it's looking at their arc when they were there was a point where they were the subway killer and they kind of came out. Yeah, they and it was like a by the way, subway killer sounds like an like an unsolved crime from 90s. By the way, you love riding that chuchu. Oh, no, you know, you think I think I'm in danger?

No, I think you're going to dub yourself the subway killer. Look, either I'm a murderer or I like to take pictures of children. You have to pick one. I'd say I'd go in and hang out in recliners in the dark, Lego movies. This guy's a murderer. There's no way that he's he takes pictures of children. We're talking about fine. You got me.

All right, you nailed me to the wall. Well, you were speaking of subway. Yes, in the initial definition of it, weren't you saying that like it was a matter of months and then subways also had a a toasting? Yeah, we're talking about this at lunch because the their big thing, their killer app, if you will, was their toasting oven. And it was such a thing where you had you had the subway on these this kind of like stale room temp bread and then you go to Quiznos and you get a toasted sub.

And it was just like the quality was so much better when it first emerged and Quiznos expanded rapidly. It was like everywhere so quickly. And then, yeah, within within the year subway had toaster started putting toaster ovens in all of their stores and just were offering toasted subs. And that was it. They were cheaper than Quiznos and they were omnipresent already. And then they gradually wipe them off the face of the map.

Such a crazy fast downfall for like a huge like a new chain. Like like like one of the chains I remember seeing, you know, like come up in my lifetime and like, oh, wow. And this is like this. It felt like it was like getting towards McDonald's or like, you know, whatever Wendy's the big, the big, the big restaurant level. And then just to see it wiped out so fast, it's kind of like, are we in the midst of that with that arc with Chipotle?

I was just gonna say that it made a similar impact when I came out going, Oh, really? They do it that way. Yeah, I got it. I remember thinking going, I got to check this out. 15 year old toasted bread. But I feel like I talk about this too much. But it's the truth on the East Coast.

There's a lot of great like sub and sandwich places just that are not like franchises that are just kind of like individual sandwich shops. Then there there's Subway, which does not do well. Like I don't even remember the Subways in Quincy and then there's D'Angelo's, which was kind of like the big, the Northeast chain or the New England chain for and I liked D'Angelo's a lot, but I didn't like Subway at all. I hated Subway and then when Quiznos came out, I was like, Oh man,

like maybe there will be like this sandwich chain. That's, that's, that's better than Subway. That's closer to kind of these, these mom and pop sandwich shops and it felt, it kind of, it did push that like just the fact that it was toasted. It seemed kind of more, what's the word I'm looking for? Not unique, but like a, like genuine or something like it felt like it felt like like wholesome food or more so. Well, it just, it just the fact that they're doing any cooking at all makes

it feel like, like, you're getting like a more prepared dish, like you're getting like something fresher and more awesome was a good way to put it. My hopes were high for Quiznos, but unlike you, and we can get into your experience with it, I ate there just a couple of times and then like didn't eat there almost ever again, like very rarely ate there. And there was one near the birthday boys house up in studio city that I went to like a few times, but it was already like on its last, it was one of those things where it was like, oh, like, oh, this still exists or whatever.

First, the black plastic Q trays disappear, like they didn't have those today. Like some of the flair is gone. It's like when a restaurant goes from like nice paper menus to laminated and you're like, oh, you're on your last leg. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great. I just, I didn't even think of those, the unique trays that they had, which is like, what was even the, like they were kind of cavernous, right? Yeah, yeah.

To keep the toasted quality in or something. Yeah, maybe they, oh, they wouldn't go through in the plastic, that wouldn't help. No. Yeah, you, what you said was right though, that's one of the very few things that LA has a big gap for is like good deli sandwich places. I know there's some in like mid city and like the Orthodox neighborhood, but yeah, unlike New York, you can't just turn into a deli on the corner and like be guaranteed a pretty good sandwich, which is why it's so surprising that like

Coznos doesn't succeed out here and the sandwich place that had Jared Fogle working for it survived and thrived. It's crazy. Right. An unappealing man before everything happened. Yes. Not a guy who I told you I hated and thought he was up to no good before he got in trouble and it just, just like such a shitty, but I was trying to think

of that today and Nick and I talked about it a little bit before we got into the restaurant of just like, is it just the subway buy up? Like, like, did they just buy up good real estate? Are they in good areas? I think it's part of it. I think that is, but they are just so dominant and just everywhere. And I think they do look, they do scope out. But I mean, that's the McDonald's strategy.

Yeah. It's their whole thing they've said is that they said behind this, it's in the movie The Founder. They quote this bit of internal logic is that they're not a burger company. They're a real estate company. Yeah. And so I think there's, I think that I bet that is some of their philosophy. I mean, they're one of the biggest, you know, five biggest chains in the states

and I think worldwide as well. So, yeah. But yeah, so Quiznos, I remember going to Quiznos back when it was a treat that I have a similar experience with Baja Fresh because Baja Fresh used to be like, like, oh, so nice and like it was like a Baja Fresh and Quiznos are so similar in their, I mean, smaller rise for Baja Fresh and it was West Coast, but similar falls and like they feel similar when you go into each of those places now. And around the same time, like in college, I was going and, you know,

I remember, I think part of their downfall is the low carb craze of the 2000s, the first decade of the 2000s. Yeah, I think the bread was killer for them. And then I think, but I think also part of it was just like, you know, it was just hard to compete with Subway when Subway was directly going at their main hook. But yeah, I remember going with my old roommate and my old roommate, a very outgoing man and we went to this Quiznos and like every, like they were so

pleasant and the food was great. And on the way back, my roommate like felt compelled to turn back and said, just to the whole restaurant, like, hey, thanks for the great service, everybody. And like very genuinely, and I was like kind of embarrassed at the time, but then looking back and I was like, he was right. That was very nice to him. That is very, what a squad you must have. We were cool.

We played Smash Brothers together. You all loved it. Oh, thank you for clearing that up. Of course you were cool. I think this restaurant is the first place that the term sandwich artist was probably used. Oh, sure. Yeah.

I remember that being like on the wall or like on a name tag or something. They seem to be in a place that that cared. I mean, they seem to care more than it is. It is bizarre to me that Subway fizzled out in this place, didn't it? And I feel like Subway survived the low carb or even health kind of craze that came. Like Subway kind of pushed themselves as more of a healthier option. Quiznos never made an attempt.

Yeah, they never, they never really did that at all. It was always like very, very heavy kind of indulgent sandwiches. Well, let's get to what we ate today. So I got, I had the spicy Chipotle pork and I got the menu in front of me. So if you guys want to want a description of what you got, let me know and I can pull it up for you. But the spicy Chipotle pork, which is one of their specials right now, slow roasted pulled pork, bacon, cheddar cheese, jalapenos, onions, lettuce,

tomatoes and their four pepper chili sauce, which they also have on the side on a on a pump, which Haley, you recommended. And it was I actually think quite delightful. It's a great comes on the jalapeno cheddar bread. I like this sandwich. I would say that the the mix of flavors was great. The the, you know, that chili sauce is really good. And it's it's it's got a little bit of sweetness, but not so much sweetness

that it overpowers, you know, sometimes you get those those sweet chili sauces that are just so sugary. But it's got it's got had just a little bit of heat to it. Here's the only thing on the in the actual jalapenos helped that a lot. But the only thing I would say is that the quality of the pork, I felt, was a little suspect. And I think that that tends to be an issue with when you get these proteins that aren't like cold cuts, that there's there's some sort of like,

you know, yeah, something that's a little bit more substantial. That's prepared. I was dark. You ordered it. Well, I want to try it. It was one of the specials. When we walked in, yeah, we should talk about this. Oh, yes. We all skipped over immediately. Wait, hold on. I took a picture of it so I can say exactly what it was not to get it. And I feel like yours is like one step to a step removed from this.

Yeah. And that like I was like, oh, I wouldn't. I also I also remember going to Quiznos in my like one of my first experiences with it was like it was very saucy and sweet like to saucy and sweet. And I didn't have that experience today. But that sandwich felt like kind of like barbecue thick saucy Jack Daniels sauce sweet bullshit. I thought it was I thought it was nicely balanced.

And I think part of it is just that that chili sauce is a good sauce. Here's the thing that we we decided none of us were willing to order. I took a picture of it. The lobster and seafood scampi bake garlic bake lobster and seafood mozzarella sauteed tomatoes, sauteed mushrooms, rather onions, tomatoes and a garlic aioli. It looks I mean, I'll I'll share a picture of this on social media. It looked like something that you would eat on a dare. Like I was just I was so I was so scared of this.

I was I was I felt sick just thinking about it. Honestly, I mean, like like like it just it wouldn't have been. It couldn't have been good. Also, like, too, I feel like mozzarella does not have a place on that sandwich. It's not a choice. Oh, you didn't see the little vat of Buffalo mozzarella floating there on Vermont Avenue and then the other sandwich I got was the veggie guacamole, which has two kinds of cheese, black olives, cucumbers, mushrooms, green peppers,

lettuce, tomatoes, onions and a red, white vinaigrette, which I think was good. And I got that on wheat bread. And I thought that was a nice veggie sandwich. And I love a good veggie. I think a well-made veggie sandwich is like a top tier sandwich. I think you can get a good one that's such weird orders out of you today. What's that's a that's a thing I'd normally get. I'll get a veggie sandwich from Jimmy John's.

I'll get a veggie sandwich from from Sprouts, a delightful deli in Long Beach. I think people will like you reviewing it. I said Sprouts. I meant grounds. Sprouts is I'm just saying it was for a place you had a bento in a long time. It was like a special sandwich and then a veggie sandwich. It was I'm just saying it was a strange order. I think it was a fine order.

All right, you know what? It was a fine order. Thank you. Thank you for giving some ground on that. We both gave some ground today. We did. That's good. All right, good for us. But yeah, I thought the I thought maybe the only thing I would say is the

mushrooms were perhaps a little out of place. I could I could have done without them. They they they added like a weird texture to it. But overall, a very nice veggie sandwich. Hey, Haley, what was your what were your what were your orders? I had the honey mustard chicken sandwich. That's a classic order for me. That's probably the first sandwich ever had at Quiznos.

Back in the day. The bacon, Swiss lettuce, tomatoes and onions on that. Yeah, red onion and that mustard sauce. It's just a solid straight ahead sandwich. I will agree with you that the meat is the real thing where it, you know, it prevents it from being like a completely awesome time. Like, you remember, I took that cube of chicken, wobbling it around. When yeah, when they try and cube it, it's it's like they tried to mold it

into the shape of a real piece of chicken that you would have cut off, you know, a whole roast chicken or something. But it's not. It looked a little suss. I was so happy that I had finished my chicken sandwich by the time because when you pulled that out like this limp, completely white, no grain. Like, yes, yeah, just looks it looks it looks it looks just dead and not not appetizing at all. It was bad. Um, by the way, I should mention that the two sandwiches I got, they they have.

And this is actually a thing I like about Quiznos is they're their smallest size is a four inch. Yeah. They call it the Mike Mitchell, actually. You sick son of a bitch. But they're their smallest size is the the four incher. You know what I'm going to say four inches is pretty. I don't think anyone should ever complain about four inches. That no, I'm saying sandwich wise and maybe in other things to four. For inches is a it's filling. It's perfect. It's good. I'm saying I

ate the four inch sandwich. Yes, and I felt satisfied. That's what I'm trying to say. I mean that tree and jokingly I it should be satisfying either way. I'm saying like when I ate that, I was like, Oh, I could I could maybe eat this four inch sandwich and be okay with that for a meal, especially with that thick bread. But but it's nice that because you know the smallest sandwich at Subway is the six incher. Yeah. And two of those is is if you want to try two different sandwiches, this may be a little bit much. Although I do. I know people do get the foot longs, but to why you're special.

Oh, I'm insulted. How dare you, sir? I mean, we had to point out the equivalent for you as well. But the you can get two four inch sandwiches and then you got like the equivalent of an eight inch sandwich. I mean, the math is not hard to do. And and you can try two different sandwiches, which is nice. And Mitch, what were your sandwiches? I hate you. Oh, wait, I had another one. I had another one. Oh, sorry. The the steak, Chipotle steak one on holiday. Chipotle steak and cheddar. Sauteed peppers and onions Chipotle. Now that was a much better than I expected.

The meat was a lot better than that one. The sauce was good and I had never had that bread before. Right. It was really nice. The spiciness with the actual jalapenos. I like that. That was a good one. Yeah. We overlapped on some sandwiches and I also want to say maybe a four incher is better than a twelve incher. Look at what you've done to me. If it's attached to one of us, someone's getting disappointed. It doesn't matter. Dear God, I I did the Southwest chicken with white bread and then I did the

Chipotle steak. What was it? What was it called again? Chipotle steak and cheddar. Yes, Chipotle steak and cheddar. So that was our sandwich overlap and that I got that on the jalapeno and cheddar bread. Was that what it was? Yeah. And look, I was pleasantly surprised by what I ate. I I liked that Southwest chicken. I thought it was they put some. They put some guacamole on there, which I read as avocado in my head and when I got it was like it's like was very like goopy. It's a little saucy. It's a little saucy guacamole, but the the flavors worked well together. Like you guys said, not the best quality

meat and in Haley when you took it out. Yeah, it looked like shit, but it fork disappeared as soon as that came out. By the way, not the best quality meat also could describe either of us. But it's a little sympathetic the way they're like, it's not the best. Yeah, I still eat it, but but somewhere and as men, we are the quiz nose of franchise, but a regular is not taking. I'll take it. I'm regular. Do they have a party subs?

I I I liked both of my sandwiches. I was a fan of both of them. The Southwest chicken I thought was really good. I actually it's kind of a toss up between which one I like better. I couldn't tell the difference too much between the breads. It just kind of tasted like crunchy toasted bread to me. Yeah, and I was like the bread isn't like great quality, but I like that they toast the sandwich and it's nice and warm. It does a lot to improve it. Just getting toasted. I'll say this to like subway has like some sandwiches there like the Italian BMT I like or whatever, but quiz knows does do a good job of like here is a signature

sandwich. This is what comes on. It's chicken, cheese, avocado and and chipotle sauce or whatever in subway. I feel like is bad with that. I mean, like I know that that's and I like the fact that you can make your own sandwich or whatever. It's just you have you. It takes a lot. I just feel like they're they're they're already made their menu sandwiches or whatever sure are are are decent and put into them. Yeah, it's a way. I'll almost never order like whatever they're number one or two sandwiches or whatever. Yeah, we also got a side of the tater tots, which I thought were I would expect them to be crispier. Yeah, they just weren't too

great. It seems like I liked that they offered them because they do. They have the things of like Haley, I believe you got. Did you get baked? I did the barbecue bake lays because quiz knows seems like the only place you ever see those. Right. I maintain my dignity and did not do what has been done in the past where you crush up a handful of them and drop it inside your sandwich 30 years old. But I did quickly put it in my mouth after some bites because that that combination of crunchiness and flavor is pretty nice. I like that. Yeah. I do. Do you ever do that Nick? Do you ever add anything to your sandwiches? I went by the the the the the chips in a sandwich

trick. I actually remember my mom doing and I would do that for a little bit of texture. You know what that made me think of is that our buddy Drew Tarver when he came on for a Jersey Mike's episode, he said that his thing is that he would put his cookie in his sandwich. Remember that? Which is insane. Didn't he demonstrate some of that for us too? Yeah. We didn't. I don't think we ate with him, but he talked about his technique. It was a little crazy. Oh boy. Yeah. Is he like this? Managed and chocolate. Yeah. He like he like I mean he knew it was gross, but he liked like the savory and sweet things together, which I understand. I never I usually kind of keep those them separate. I like to have like my my baggage. I like you know what I mean

what I'll usually do is eat the half of sandwich, eat my bag of chips and then eat the other half of the sandwich. That's kind of how I do it. You know what? If you out there like to put chips in your sandwich, hashtag chip switch. Let us know. So so yeah, I thought the the the tater tots were just like because they run through that toasting oven and you expect them to oh they're going to get nice and crisp stuff and they're going to have this like really you know hot, but they were kind of like room temp and they were kind of just sort of soggy. They probably going to go through again. I'm sure they were frozen. Yeah. Or do people do that? Can you run this through again? Honestly, it might be a good move. I wonder if you could ask like the way you can get the

fries well done in an out burger. See how many times they let you completely burned out. Nice. Thank you. Thank you for doing it my way. On this in this toast. They're toasting oven, which also like looks like a scaled down version of a medieval implement of torture. Just like the slowly moving conveyor belt that goes through hot coals. Way better than Subway's microwave looking oven. Right. Yeah, it's too fast. Are you supposed to put yoga mats in the microwave? Oh, before I forget, I once went into a subway in New York on Sixth Avenue and there was no one behind the counter or in the restaurant. And then a, I swear to God, like seven year old boy came out from the kitchen,

put on the plastic and he was like, sir, what can I make you? What can I make? Like Wolfgang Puck. Wow. And I let him do it and was wait like to see if there's anyone else in the store. The parents, I guess, own this place. We're just having him work and he was so good at it. I was just kind of stunned until I walked outside. I was like, am I supposed to call the police? And I was so flummoxed by this and he rang me up and we were all done. Gave him a nice tip. If it's a family run business, I think that's kind of cool. Yeah. I mean, you know, if you are skirting child labor laws, but I think if it's maybe an occasional thing and the kid likes it, it's so weird. That to me sounds like you're like entrapment for some sort of

morality test. That's special. What would you do? Yeah, you failed and he dropped 100 on the ground and like went back into the kitchen and then a blind man tripped. I found a wallet on the ground today when I was got the snack for the snack or whack. Oh, wow. And I truly didn't know what to do with it. I mean, like I wasn't going to keep it or anything like that, but I didn't know whether I just gave it to the person at 711 at the counter, which I don't know if that is even the right move. That's probably fine because a customer will probably return there looking for it. She said the woman behind the counter was like, oh, she comes in here all the time. Yeah, and you're on camera doing the right thing. Yeah. In December, I started getting envelopes

several days in a row with really nice expensive Rose Bowl tickets and then wow and an address. This is a tough one. What would you do? Yeah. And so I was like, yeah, I got it like this. It was a ton of money. It was like six or eight tickets or something. So I went and looked for the name, couldn't find the building. Landlord didn't recognize the name, put a sign down the mail room. Days go by, he's getting close to the Rose Bowl and finally some guy came to my door and I was like, he was so relieved. I was glad that his Rose Bowl wasn't completely ruined by FedEx. That's also so funny for them to be like, we didn't go in and then on TV, they see their section and you're there. Oh yeah, I know. It's just like if no one claims them, I should go, but then he's

going to follow me there and kill me. But I actually called StubHub and they were like, yeah, yeah, we'll email you the address to send it to and note like I was like, I'm trying to do the right thing. Ashton Kutcher is really making this hard for me. That would be a great transition for Kutcher to be the, what would you, if he took over, what would you do? Yeah, as a serious note. Yeah, that's that. I feel like when you're, when you're trying to do the right thing and then you're like, oh man, this is now it's starting to become work. Right. That's when, that's when I start to check out a little bit. Mitch, when you have a moral question, do you get an angel over one shoulder and a piece of devil's food cake over the other?

Devil's food cake in his talks to me or just sits there? I think just sits there and you think about eating it and you lick your lips and I forget about whatever the problem was. Well, let's get to our final thoughts on Quiznos. So, hey, we've heard the show, you know, this works, but just a refresher will all go around. We'll sort of give our closing argument, if you will, on Quiznos and rate it from zero to five forks. We will begin with you. The most recent time I had Quiznos before today, I did a Postmates thing going, oh, this will be fun, you know, one week night, a little nostalgic. And I was very disappointed, but after today's experience, I think that was really just because it sat in the passenger

seat of someone's car as it drove from Hollywood to greet me. Right. Eating in the restaurant, the bread was nice and crispy. And even though the meat is not great, they sort of cover that up with the sauces and things and like pretty good, better, crispier lettuce than most sandwich shops, like good red onion and everything. So, I was pleasantly surprised today. I will give it three forks. Three forks, very solid. Three forks is pretty good, yeah. I didn't have that experience that you had in college where there was one across the street. Like I said, I didn't get to experience much Quiznos, but the first time I went, I did think it was saucy, but I was like, oh, there's something nice about this. And I think I would rather have had it

over a subway at the time. I've now gone on to appreciate subway for what it is. Right. And it's strange today. I was like, oh, like, it's not bad. Like Quiznos isn't bad. It's such a weird mystery of what went down with it and whether it was bad marketing at the wrong time or something. You know what I mean? Like, where they really could have pulled ahead of subway or pulled even with subway if they just had the right campaign or something. Right. But today, I was pleasantly surprised for like a chain, for a chain restaurant sub place that was that was decent. I liked both of my sandwiches. It was, you know, the steak, like the steak sandwich wasn't like a D'Angelo's level steak and cheese, which they cook up on a grill. Like you were saying,

it was kind of that. It was kind of just like deli stuff that was heated, deli steak that was heated up or whatever. But it was still, it was still good. I think I like it better than subway steak and cheese when I of course have to compare it to that. But yeah, you know, they were kind of right back in the day and it is still toasty. They still toast it up. That's true. They still, and you know what? That is one thing that maybe we did slow down the line quite a bit when we were ordering our sandwiches. I know that we had six sandwiches going through this thing. It's a real bottleneck in their operation that each one of us has a sale through individually. But the price wasn't too bad either. No, it's not bad for, you know, for six different

sandwiches and some chips and tater tots and drinks. Yeah. If you're like a work lunch or something like that, totally fine. Yeah. I'm going to go a little higher. I'm going to go three in a quarter forks. How many tines is that? That's one time. If we're talking about standard four. Three forks one time. Three forks one time. Yeah. Very, very respectable score for Quiznos. And a Joni Mitchell album. So I have not, like you guys, I have not eaten at Quiznos or, you know, it's absent your recent Postmates experience. I had not eaten at Quiznos a lot recently. But like Haley, there was a period in my life when I really liked Quiznos and I went with frequency. There were two chain closings by my house, three chain closings, four chain

closings by my house that have had an impact on my life. Number one, the worst is Popeyes closing and being replaced with a Starbucks, especially because there's another Starbucks like a block away. Huge, huge downgrade. I'd say the second, the second in that position is the Quiznos closing and being replaced with a subway, which is kind of a fuck you. That's kind of a Game of Thrones move that we're going to like, we're taking your castle and we're claiming it as our own. And it's third and fourth, I would say we're kind of lateral, but they had an impact. One was Arby's turning into Wendy's. A slight minor upgrade, I'd say. And then the other one, this was an up, come on. This one was an upgrade. But I do like Jack in the Box, but a Jack in the Box

closed and turned into a Del Taco. That happened this year. That's right of your alley though. Yeah, that's right of my alley. But I go too frequently. It's a problem. I'm going tonight. Why? Because I want it. But as he said the words, now it's in his brain. But, you know, I used to really like Quiznos. That said, I think the last time I was there, I was actually in a Quiznos before today was when I had like, I was driving down Wilshire Boulevard and I just had emergency diarrhea to the point where I had to pull over to the side of the road and just get into the closest business. And I went to a Quiznos. That's so

sad. It was a Quiznos. I had to ask for the restroom code. It was like there was no privacy at all in the restroom, but it was just going to happen. And then I would like, I left and I think I bought a bottle of water because I felt bad for what I did to their establishment. The old apology water. I'm sorry. You should feel terrible, right? You use their franchise as a toilet. What was I supposed to do? It was an emergency. It was that or shitting my yard. This is something that they should get a little bonus for is that establishments that actually do let you use the bathroom. That's nice. Even in New York City, sometimes there's a shocking lack of bathrooms and vast swaths of the city. So when they actually let you go in there, it's nice. I like your thing of an

apology water. I think that is the least you can do when you do something like that. Truly, the least you could have done. You could have bought anything else. But I've bought plenty of apology items before for going into a place and using their restroom. And I felt terrible. But they were nice then. I feel like their service has always been nice. They were very nice and accommodating today with our weird order. I would say that the guy at the checkout counter actually rang up our four-inch sandwiches, our two four-inch sandwiches as eight inches to save a little bit of money for us, which was very nice. And he put them as a combo with the tots and our drinks. Maybe that's why they're going out of business. Too many discounts. But I thought

both my sandwiches were good. I liked the veggie guacamole more. I would say the spicy chipotle pork was good. But I think what Haley's point about the meat being a little deficient, I would say maybe probably stick with more of the classic stuff with cold cuts. I think you have a little bit more success there with your honey bacon clubs, your turkey bacon guacamoles or what have you. But I think this is a good chain. I'm going to go even higher than you, Mitch. Three and a half forks. Yeah, I was almost thinking three and a half forks. It's tough. It deserves to re-expand a little bit. I think there's a happy medium between when it was everywhere and where it is today, where it's kind of receded into obscurity. Quiznos, have a little resurgence. I hope they

bounce back. I was thinking about you guys. We hope your business model works. Haley, also, I want to point out that I got myself a diet Mountain Dew. And this proves your nose. This proves the thing that you don't drink. So you're like, Mountain Dew, huh? Like you saw my Mountain Dew. It was so yellow because the bottle is green. I hadn't seen it out in the wild in a while. So seeing that incandescent neon. You're right. I shouldn't drink it just because diet Mountain Dew is available. I shouldn't drink it. And then there was also, they had, they had, did see what it looked like. I'm not home. I got like a stormy lemonade there, pink lemonade, which I try to taste it very much like church basement lemonade. Yeah,

that lemonade wasn't great. I agree. Right. It felt very much like, like, like, like basketball or like, like a, like a pastor made. I mean, it was the, it was the color of like public restroom soap, you know, that bright pink soap. Oh God. So yeah, it was that crap, that powder. Yeah. Kids got in trouble with my elementary school for cutting it up into lions and snoring it on there. Probably seen Scarface or something. I had no idea. I remember kids did that too. That's such a, that's a nightmare. It didn't like clean your hands. It's like, used friction to scrub your hands off and the worst. Hey, that was our review of Quiznose. It's time for a regular segment. We've got a food stuff. We're going to decide if you should

put it in your mouth. It's another edition of snack or whack. Wow. And Mitch, what snack did you get for us today over at your 7-Eleven trip? Where you, you know, when I found that wall, the wallet, you know, there's two reactions I could have had. I could have had a Deadpool type reaction and taken it for myself. Right. Or who's the good guy? Get Deadpool is the good guy. I can't think of another super hero or Superman reaction and gave it to the person that I found out. I, I, I, I dead the Superman reaction, but I got the Deadpool snack in us. So is it, is it trolly? I think it's trolly. I think the trolly which is like it supposed to be trolls, right? Like is it, is it a troll? I think so. Same

universe as the, the trolls with the hair. I think, yeah, I think, yeah. I feel like this is also like a big foot pizza sort of thing where it was like trolls were maybe in at the, at this point or something. They wanted to sort of give a wink to the alt, right? Well, that's the way things are going in this country right now. We're candy makers, not moralists. I'm looking it up and apparently the, the, the name has its origins in Germany. Okay. So that's the, but it is, wait, what's the hell? I can't, it doesn't have the origin of the name here. I don't really know what it is. Some German word. Reddit brand. That really is a sort of Reddit, Reddit gummies and gummies. Oh God. No, thanks. Well,

it does this. It's a little devilish thing where in Deadpool is on the cover of this. I guess his hand is blown off and he has, because you know how he regenerates, right, but he has a little, they're sour, sour, bright, tiny hands, which is, it should be sour bite, right? So what is sour? I guess they're just like bright looking 711 in and trolly crossover. Deadpool 2. See the movie it says on it. I don't know if I agree with that. I haven't seen it yet, but let's open these up. Boy, tiny hands. They are very tiny hands. I'm going to take a couple. What are these? These are the ones that belong to the orange buffoon. Oh Jesus. Fuel for these four chain people. Okay. So our engineer Rob has taken a couple.

The fingers appear to be webbed. Are these all the same? Are these all the same flavor? Are they slightly different flavors? I don't know how these work. Oh, there's something on the back there. Is there different flavors? Okay, there are three different flavors. Pineapple mango, which is the yellow one, blueberry lime, which is the blue and green, and strawberry berry punch, which is the red. And if you guys at home want a really good image, just picture the Oppenheimer Mutual Fund commercial with the four hands all clutching each other. That's pretty much what it looks like. I'm sorry about that. I'm going to try each flavor. The pineapple mango,

I think it has a nice flavor to it, nice and tropical. I don't know what the thing with the gummies, these gummies that are covered with this crystalline substance, and I'm never sure what the purpose of it is. Is that sweetener? Is it just straight up sugar? God, I hope it's just sugar because if it's not, what's on there? Is it salt? Is it where the sourness comes in? Maybe that's the sour crystals. Maybe that's where that comes from. It's like the little green and red squares. If you look closely at a Dorito chip, it's confetti on here. Yeah, the berry has a similarly nice flavor. The berry one tastes a little bit more artificial, where I get a little more fruit character from the mango pineapple. I mean, you know,

these are artificial. You know what you're getting when you're biting into them. I think you were right that the tropical one so far is the winner. I just had the blue and green one, whichever the blueberry lime I did not love. It's very lime dominant. It kind of all tastes the same to me. They're very similar. Yeah, but oh, well, the pineapple one is pineappley. Yeah. The xanthan gum is really gooey. It's nice. Yeah, I love it. The molecules are bonded really effectively. Hey guys, Deadpool here. When trolley approached me about recreating one of my body parts as a tasty morsel, my hand wasn't what I had in mind. I was thinking something bigger and dirtier. Wow. My brain, but they said that. I love that this played to complete silence.

But they said the size could be a, but they said the size could be a joke, a choking hazard. His brain is too big is what he's saying. So instead, I just gave them a hand literally. Deadpool. Hey, that's classic Deadpool right there. Look, I made 75 bucks writing the copy for the back of this. I gotta take every job I can get. All right, I'm eating the last one. That one's good too. You're right that they do kind of, especially if you eat a couple of them in a row. Are you, I know you're someone who didn't have a lot of treats growing up as you said, but are you someone who likes gummy? What are your gummy feelings? I'm definitely more of a savory than sweet person. Not huge into dessert, but you mentioned the country, Germany. They're

the gold bag, those gummy bears that I've had in Germany and you find them out here. They're legitimately good. Is the Haribo? Is that what they are? I think so. I think is that it? Yeah. I love Haribo's. Huge melts. Maybe I'm thinking of the wrong one. Gold bag gummies. Sorry for Googling so much on this episode. I think they are the, are they these ones? Maybe. You're thinking of something else. Yeah, I think I'm thinking of something else. Interesting. Okay. I'm wondering what these mystery gummies are. Or it might be that. I might just be remembering it wrong. If you know what it is, hashtag German mystery gummies. Put us know. Mitch, what do you think about these? I mean, also like, I mean, like obviously Deadpool was

talking about his dick, of course. I don't know. He said his brain. He was pretty clear about it. He reminded you twice. All right. Sure. He meant his brain. These are sold to children. In recliners, watching movies. That is a good point. I mean, there, should we just go snack or whack? Yeah, let's go snack or whack. Sorry, Deadpool. I know that you're going to give me a lot of, you're probably going to roast me. Also, does Deadpool have it? Does his dick burn off? I don't know. I don't know the lore. Probably his dick should have burned off. It's possible. I haven't seen Deadpool too. So they might go over that. It's whack, Deadpool. Yeah. They're just, I mean, like they were, like the strawberry,

berry punch and the pineapple mango are decent, but I just, I wouldn't buy, I don't care about these. They're not, they're not good enough. I'm a little surprised just because I know you're such a gummy aficionado, but maybe your gummy palette is refined enough where you can tell what a good gummy is from a bad gummy. Yeah. These are overly sugary and right. No, I just, they weren't doing it for me. What do you think, Ailey? Yeah, I agree. If it's got to be a yes or no, there's just so many better gummies out there. Sour straws, all that stuff. Like that just has a much more distinct flavor than this. This is just kind of like fruit mush with sugar on it that isn't particularly sour. Yeah, there's not, there's like, there isn't a

thing where you get below like the sour flavor and it's like a decent gummy or something. It just, it just, it just kind of sucks all around. We're going to get roasted by Deadpool, by the way. Oh boy, I hope not. Also, what about, like, couldn't you come up with a better, a 7-Eleven chimichanga with Deadpool? Sure. Oh, that would be better. That would be better. That's a much better tie-in. Yeah. Why didn't they do that? I don't know. They could have done what, that with Jack in the Box, which used to have a chimichanga on the menu. A naked chicken chalupa. That sounds like a Deadpool. There you go. I just want to say, what's up with those Jack in the Box chalula things? Like, we have, we all have chalula in the fridge. That's not,

that's not a special thing. We had them. We tried them on the Dough Boys Double and they were a little, I mean, I think that they were, you couldn't taste the chalula. You couldn't really taste it. It was kind of overwhelmed and, and you're right, it's just a hot sauce. It's like saying ketchup. Exactly. Like Heinz Burger. Right. We've got ranch dressing. It's just like, yeah, everyone has access to it. Um, yeah, I don't know. I think they're, they're maybe assuming that they can trick some people or something. You don't know what chalula is. Have you guys ever had banana ketchup? I have had banana. I've never had banana ketchup. So good. My friend from Puerto Rico would bring that when she visited home in college and I keep a bottle of that around. It's really good,

good on, um, because I've never found it except from Caribbean companies. Okay. But you can put it on a breakfast sandwich. It's a really good substitute for things like, yeah, it's delicious. Is it like a kind of similar consistency to ketchup or? In a way, it doesn't, yeah, same consistency, but it doesn't taste like ketchup or bananas, but it's delicious. It's like sort of a sweet savory, it's probably on the umami range, I think. Yeah. It's really good. I've only had it a couple of times and I'm not sure if I could identify it by taste now, but if I had it again, I'd be like, oh yeah, it's pretty distinct. Um, I will say, you know, I'm gonna actually gonna give a snack if I'm going to break these out individually to the pineapple mango one, which

I thought was a pretty decent flavor. The other two, uh, I mean, they're just unspectacular. And I think in the spirit of Deadpool, I'm going to give these a whack off to Betty White's bush. How's that for random? Lacking off to Betty White's bush. Yeah, you know, he does fuck up shit like that. Uh, so I gotta say a very bad aftertaste with these, with the trolley Deadpool hands. Yeah. Right. Uh, but also very embarrassing in the store because I had seen these on display and I bought a few different snack options and I had to say to the girl, the counter, I was like, do you still have the, uh, Deadpool to gummy hands? She's like, what? And I was like the Deadpool to gummy hands. She's like, go look at

like on the gummy thing and she and she showed me where they were, but it was truly embarrassing. I like, I think it was like one of the few times where I was like, it's for a podcast. Like I have to like say the embarrassing thing. By the way, that does not make it better. No, not at all. It makes it more. They asked what a podcast is a lot of the time. I feel like, I feel like any time I said it's for a podcast has been like a lie when I'm getting too much food for myself at McDonald's. Uh, hey, that was Snacker Whack, just like a restaurant value feedback. Let's open up the feedback and hey, we got a voicemail today. Let's listen. Hey guys, hi, this is Brad St. Louis. I've been playing a Super Mario RPG this past week

and it's got me wondering, what is your guy's favorite Mario spinoff game? That's it. Thanks, Frank. Wow. Uh, good question. Uh, that was a Brad and St. Louis. Hailey, are, were you, were you much of a gamer? I know you, you, you have a part in a, in a very big video game series. Yeah, Kingdom Hearts. That's been, God, I've been doing that for like 17 years. Wow. Damn. The new one comes out soon, right? I can't talk about it. Wow. I saw on the news that they were showing some things. Yeah. But yeah, but that's, I did a play in Philadelphia years ago and it was about the, it was read about the painter Mark Rothko and they would have like Sundays where the matinee would be school kids

and afterwards they're supposed to do an educational talk back, you know, about painting and everything. It was just a Kingdom Hearts conversation for an hour every single week. Crack me up so much. Nobody else knew like what the hell that was. Right. So like, when's the second one coming up? So were you ever a Mario guy? Yeah. Yeah. Mario, maybe it's sort of a, a symbol of like where we're going in history, but like the way that people talk about seeing 2001 in the 60s or hearing Bob Dylan the equivalent for like eight year olds, I feel was like seeing the 3D Mario for the first time. That was world shattering. You could not believe how good those and honestly, even on a big screen today, like it looks pretty good. Yeah. I was about, I'm about

five years older, give or take and I, and for me, it was a life, it truly was. Right. I remember going to Toys R, I think I was 12 or 13 or something, which when I came out, but going into Toys R Us and like seeing 3D Mario for the first time was, was jaw dropping. Yeah. It was, it was insane. Yeah. It was so good. Like my, my parents discouraged us playing video games and didn't particularly like them, but I would go out sometimes and my dad would be playing Mario 64. Oh, that's awesome. Late at night. Like it was just an incredible, and I think that's Nintendo's great thing when they interview the guys there, but they're like, we want it to truly be like a group participatory thing that excites everybody. And they, right. And they often succeed at doing

that. So I'm Shigeru Miyamoto. Oh man. What a guy. Yeah. He's, he's, he's, he's an art. He's up there with some of the best artists. Yeah. Do you, do you, does a favorite Mario spin-off game come to mind? Are Mario Karts, Mario Tennis' Super Smash? So not the main like, not the main Mario Galaxy or anything like that. Yeah. But Mario RPG threw in there and Mitch, if you have an answer, feel free to chime in. Mario Party was pretty fun. Yeah. I love Mario Party. I remember that like, that's a game that people can get legit mad at because it's so random. Like people will just lose their minds over the injustices. I feel like my boring answer is Mario Kart because it just is, was one of the best of all time. I mean, Mario Kart 64 is one of my favorite

all time games. That's not, that's not a boring answer at all. That's a perfectly reasonable answer. Yeah. There's a reason. But I feel like there's like a deeper, a deeper answer than that. Right. People want to hear like Mario Super Strikers or whatever. I'll give you a random one. Yeah. Super Mario Strikers rather. Mario Plus Rabbids. Oh, Mario Plus Rabbids was very good. What system was that on? This is on a switch. Do you have a switch? No, I haven't. Oh man, you gotta get a switch. The only thing in my life that I've ever successfully been like, I am not going to do that anymore. Failed at vegetarianism. Failed at a lot of things like that. But I, a second big moment for me in video game life was getting to college and going,

hang on, we can play Halo 3 all weekend. And no one's going to say stop. Played a lot of that in college. Then afterward, I was like, it went like, I played a little bit of Call of Duty and with the prestigeing and everything. I was like, this is going to take up too much of my time. This is too fun. But I agree with you. And I stopped playing and I stopped playing a little bit. I got a GameCube in college when it came out, but I stopped playing video games a little bit. And then I was kind of like, like later on out here, when the Wii came out, I kind of picked it up again. I played Resident Evil 4, I think it was. And I kind of got back into it. And as like a big film fan, there's just

some stuff that you would, there's some games that you would, that you would love. Oh, I know. I was just talking to Thomas Middleditch is big into those sort of games and just the stuff where it was like, he said that his wife was playing one where you're just a teenage girl in 90s Seattle and you come home and your family has disappeared and you have to like use clues, just like really artistic, cool storylines and unexpected things. I know that Fallout was like that too. Every Christmas, I'll get like a game and be like, oh, like, you know, at the end of December, it doesn't matter if you waste a lot of time. Sure. And then it's just like, it's just gonna take $400. Like, yeah, I cannot do that. I understand if you've got that sort of that's

sort of addictive personality. Mario Odyssey, the best Mario sense Mario 64. Yeah, I love Mario Odyssey. I love the switch. I'll just give my answer real quick, which is my real answer might be Super Smash Brothers because of the Smash Brothers games, but I will give a different answer to this because again, again, that's that's kind of a an obvious one. And I think also that's what I was afraid of all Nintendo universe encompassing, maybe not just Mario. I like the Paper Mario series. I think they have a great character to them. And I think in particular, the first two they came out with, I thought they they, you know, a great mix of a really fun story and a just a charming art style and just just fun like action RPG gameplay. So yeah, I'm a big

fan of those. Hey, I'm also proud of you for not knowing about Mario versus Rabbids, which Mario Plus Rabbids, which Nick and I both played to completion. You saw us, you saw us clenching our fists when you said you didn't know what it was. Play to completion worked in both senses. If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at doboyspodcast at gmail.com or leave us a voicemail at 830 Go Doe. That's 830 4636844. And to get the Do Boys double our weekly bonus episode, join the Golden Play Club at patreon.com slash Do Boys. Haley Joel Osment. Thank you so much for coming on the show. We really appreciate it. Thank you guys. It's really fun talking. Such a legend, man. We're so happy to have you on here. It's great

to have you. Do you have anything you would like to plug at this time? Yes. First season of Future Man is on Hulu right now. We just started shooting season two, which should be coming out some point around the end of the year, I think. And I have a film called Extremely Wicked Shockingly Evil and Vile coming out later in the year. That is Zac Efron as Ted Bundy and Lily Collins as his first wife. That was a really great cast of that. John Malkovich, Jim Parsons. Oh, that's an awesome man. Yeah. And then lastly, also coming out later this year, a film called The Devil Has a Name that was directed by Edward James Olmos and is David Struthairn, Alfred Molina, Martin Sheen and Kate Bosworth. So that's the fun. Amazing. Keep an eye out for her. For sure. That sounds

great. Yeah. Thank you so much. We'll have to have you back at some point. Absolutely. Yeah, it's definitely, dude. Yeah. And hey, I know Lucky Boy is a national chain, but we should just go. Oh, yeah, that's right. I'd 100% be happy about that. That was that. Lucky Boy was the first place that you brought up. And I didn't know too much. I had heard of it, but I didn't know too much about it. But I wonder how, just saying it will probably pique a lot of people's interests. So yeah, we got to try it out. Sweet. Well, that'll do it for this episode of Doe Boys. Our thanks to our guests and just want to say a hearty, a remembrance of our good friend, Mike Mitchell, who passed away this very day one year ago. What the fuck? That's right, a twist

ending out of M Night Shyamalan. You loser. Oh my God, his wedding ring just fell on the ground. Hey guys, you want more Doe Boys? To get the Doe Boys double our weekly bonus episode, join the Golden Plate Club. Sign up at patreon.com slash Doe Boys. That was a hate gun podcast.