Doughboys - Rocklobsterfest: Red Lobster 3 with Nicole Byer

Episode Date: October 20, 2016

As Rocklobsterfest enters week 3, the hilarious Nicole Byer (Girl Code, Loosely Exactly Nicole) returns to the podcast to discuss her lengthy history with Red Lobster, from post church brunches to solo birthday vacation meals. Nicole braves a dystopian post MTV future and describes her hyper specific Last Meal.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Kurt Hankins You likely don't know his name, but you no doubt know his most famous creation. In 1988, the flagship seafood chain opened by a parent company Darden Restaurants removed their popular hush puppy side from the menu. In search of a cost-efficient starch to fill a void, Hankins, then an executive chef at the corporation, was tasked with crafting its replacement. He settled on a garlic cheese bread that used biscuit flour, and once it finally landed on tables and test markets, it was an instant hit and spread nationwide.

After years of being known only as hot cheese garlic bread, the restaurant decided on the iconic name, Cheddar Bay Biscuits. As Chef Hankins himself writes, quote, You will have a difficult time finding Cheddar Bay on the map. It's a fictitious name created to bring the biscuits to life, embody the seaside theme, and emphasize that these are not your typical biscuits. Not typical indeed. These extraordinary savory confections are hugely popular with both fish fanatics and

picky, land-loving kids. The chain's internal numbers claim they serve over one million Cheddar Bay biscuits every single day nationwide, raising the question, is this a seafood restaurant or a biscuit restaurant that also serves seafood? This week on Doughboys, Part 3 of Rock Lobster Fest, our month-long review of Red Lobster. Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants, who are a part of FeralAudio.com. The best way to support ours and other shows in the network is to use their referral link on our website anytime you shop at Amazon.

I'm Nick Weigar, alongside my co-host, slowly decaying jack-o'-lantern, Mike Mitchell the Spoon Man. How are you, Mitch? Jesus. It's October, the spookiest of months. Oh my god. Seasonally appropriate. October the spookiest of months?

It is. You fucking nerd. What else is even in the conversation in terms of spookiness? What do you mean? Yeah, of course October is the spookiest month. So why are you making it? What is there to make fun of? You know how you said October, October the spookiest of months?

Wow, a month doesn't get more spookier than October, for Halloween falls on the last day of October. You're giving me a speech impediment and pattern I do not have. You're like talking like a cartoon dog with a bow tie. How to tie a bow tie? That roast was courtesy of Malachi Moran. If you've got a roast you'd like me to use on... I feel like someone's called that.

Called me up decaying jack-o'-lantern. Slowly decaying jack-o'-lantern. Probably just in your personal life. Uh-huh. Maybe you got a Tinder message that said that. If you've got any roast you'd like me to use on Spoon Man at the top of the show, roastspoonmanatgmail.com. I'm still not going to swipe right on you on Tinder. I'm not sending you.

I'm married. I'm not on Tinder. I'm not going to use Tinder. I'm certainly, I wouldn't be, if I was on there I'd be looking for women. I wouldn't be looking for, for bitch. You're, you're coming after me. That's, I'd look, someone else's, it's fishing. You know what all these scammers are doing online?

Someone fished me. Anyways, I want to say. To Spoon Nation. Referred to you, not as the Spoon Man, but the Spoon Master. I kind of am the Spoon, uh, the Spoon Master. Howdy-ho! Yay! What was that thing?

May your master, master, yes! Look, the kids got buzzers! Did you play that one before? I think maybe. That sounds like maybe the exact same one you did last episode. I definitely remember the Spoon Master leading into Metallica's Master of Puppets. You know what, this guy's name sounds familiar. Chris Hickey.

Okay. Octopi in the Sky. Octopi in the Sky. Chris! Yeah, that's the exact same one you did on the episode that we, it will be out the previous week, but we recorded it literally two days ago. Are you sure? Yeah.

I'm, I'm, I'm pretty sure it was, it wasn't that one, it was a very recent episode. Alright, guess what, drop number two. You don't have to play a second. This is also Metallica's Master of Puppets. Mike Mitchell. Doesn't care about black people. Well, I should listen to these before I play them. What a nice random surprise.

Well, one, thanks a lot, Trevor Taylor, you fucking asshole. Also, you didn't put a, you didn't put a Twitter handle, Trevor. Tweet us, we'll retweet you or something. Actually, no, we won't. Fuck you. Didn't like the end of that. Anyways, October is the spookiest of months. You're not in good shape again.

Like you had a bad experience last episode and right now it feels like physically. Yeah, just in general. Which is probably also true. Well, no, you're like, I feel like the meals have taken a toll on you this month. Like we had just eaten, we just had some red lobster. I'm not gonna lie to you. Yes, I don't feel great. Right.

I'm fucking done with this shit. I'm trying to get myself in shape. I'm going to a trainer. Yeah. I go to a trainer three times a week. That's great. Yeah, but it doesn't fucking matter. I'm gonna die.

I can't do this podcast. I can't do it. Shit, the fucking mic stand just almost fell. You just leaned on your mic. It just fell about halfway down. Dustin, I got it. I got it. I got it.

It's all set. You can figure it out. So you have this fatalist attitude. Also, you just said like I leaned on it like it was my fault. Whatever. If you could wait on it a little bit. It's not your fault. It was cause and effect.

Oh, god damn it. Okay, what? I'm just explaining that it's an audio medium. Okay. Our listeners can't see what just happened. So I was giving them, I was just filling in the blanks a little bit. Okay. So what's up?

What were you gonna say? I was just gonna say you have this fatalist attitude toward, we will have kind of a fatalist attitude. And I think we're both in kind of a, not the best of moods. We're both very tired. I've been up since 4.30 a.m. I got four hours of sleep. It's 10 p.m.

Yeah. So we're both very tired. It's the end of the long day. We just had a heavy meal. But you have this fatalist attitude when you just began a journey of self-improvement. And I think you should just stick with a trainer. Maybe less than your indulgences other than the podcast meals. Because if you do that, then this becomes like an occasional cheat thing.

And then you can manage your weight otherwise by just minding what else you're eating. First of all, don't tell me what to do. I'm trying to, I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I'm trying to take on his head towards you. I'm just saying that, giving you some advice for a way you can continue doing this thing that you're committed to. Well, you did both. You little condescending.

Yeah. Listen, I'm going back to Boston in two days, which I'll be back by the time this airs so no one can rob my house of the garbage that's in it. There's nothing to rob from my house besides my cats. Right. Which don't touch them or I'll kill you. But I'll go back to Boston. I just, I've had to go to Red Lobster twice this weekend.

I was tired. I'd left work and I was just tired and I drove, you know, like 40 minutes to this fucking Red Lobster and I was so tired and I was like, am I going to like crash on the way here? And then I ate the Red Lobster and I have like heartburn now. I'm like, I'm going to die from this fucking, I've eaten, I'm sick of it now. I'm sick of the Red Lobster. I'm done with this month. It's over.

It's three. We've got one more. We've got one fucking more. Good. I'm done though. I'm mad. I am mad. What's the second spookiest month to you?

That's what I just said. There's no runner up. That's what I said earlier. There is no runner up. There's nothing, there's nothing even close to as spooky as October, right? I'd say December. Why is that? Because there's ghosts of Christmas and stuff.

Oh, gotcha. All right. That's scary. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. Our guest has given you a thumbs up. Let's introduce her. From Girl Code Party over here in a new show, Loosely Exactly Nicole, which is on MTV.

Nicole Byer is back. Hi, Nicole. Woo! Rest in Peace Party over here! What a ride, huh? It was fun. Last time you were on, were you guys promoting? I think I, I think so.

Sounds about right. Yeah. Ooh, the Doughboy's Curse. It's more like the Weiger Curse. Oh no. The Weiger Curse. Yeah. I've got the opposite of a Midas touch and just work on a series of failed projects,

which I contribute to them failing. I'm the key factor in their ultimate destruction. I agree with you. Yeah. Everything you touch turns to shit. No. Yeah. And that is sensitive.

No, Nick. You're wonderful. I don't think it was anyone's fault. But if you could go back in time, you'd probably have someone besides Weiger run that thing. No, I truly wouldn't. It was honestly a real blast. It was real nice. I liked it.

Rest in peace. We had a lot of fun. Nicole is the funniest. We had a lot of good amount of fun back again. It was just a difficult process for a number of reasons. A real uphill battle. Yeah. But no one listening to this cares.

No. No. Doughboy's listeners don't realize that we do anything other than this. Wait, I have a question. What did you guys eat on your first trip to Red Lobster this month? Ooh, good question. I had the big feast or whatever the hell it's called. The Admiral's Feast?

Maybe. Is it the Admiral's Feast? No. Is that where everything's deep fried? No, not the Admiral's Feast, but the big seafood feast. What is it called, Weiger? I don't remember what it was called. It was some different feast.

Some feast. It's probably like the seafood feast or something. Yeah, it was like seafood feast. Right? You got like shrimp, lobster, crab. Yes, yep. Some broccoli. That's it.

That's the one. I got the Tlapia Tacos on my first visit. How was that? Pretty good. Mitch got the Tacos last time, the Shrimp Tacos, and they were a little skimpy on the shrimp, though the Monrovia one where we... Skimpy, shrimpy. Yeah.

The Monrovia Red Lobster, they gave a hearty portion of Tlapia, and it was nice and black, and it was very tasty. Oh, nice, nice, nice. Yeah. What is it... No, you have like a regular order when you go to Red Lobster, correct? Yes, and I didn't get it this time, but usually I order like two entrees. Okay.

I like the... It used to be called the Aztec Chicken Linguine, now it's called the Cajun Chicken Linguine. Right. And it's like very heavy, it's like soupy fucking noodles and Alfredo sauce. And then I get the garlic shrimp, and then I get a lobster tail. Hell yeah. And it's too much food and I always die after. I just, it doesn't feel good going down.

And then I really like this apple dessert thing that they have, but this time I was like, do something different, Nicole, step out of your comfort zone. Well, we'll get into that in a little bit, but before we get there, so you are someone who... Jumped ahead. No, you didn't jump ahead. I cute you, I asked you. I'm a bad guest.

What? You're doing great. I have to go. He has some fucking weird ass agenda. I don't have a weird agenda. I'm speaking of Spookiest Months. God damn it. I mean, he's not wrong, October is a Spooky Month.

December is the second runner-up. I don't think it's because it's the ghost of Christmas past. I think it's because a white man slides in your chimney and everyone's okay with it. That's wild. There's no tales from the crypt where Santa was like an axe murderer. Oh right. Do you remember that? What I remember is the film franchise Silent Night Deadly Night where Santa was a murderer.

There was a huge controversy at the time because there was like, oh, they were trying Santa as a murderer and that was like sacrilegious for Christian people for some reason, but then ultimately it was just a murderer who disguised himself as Santa Claus. That's right, yes. I mean, that's what I would do if I was going to go killing people. Yeah. I'd paint myself white. I'd slide down chimneys and I'd murder children.

That's what I would do. Is the Crypt Keeper scary or is he just funny? No. I think he's funny. He is funny. He's a wisecracker. He's scary-looking. Yeah, he's scary-looking for sure.

But then he's like zany. How does he know all these stories, the Crypt Keeper? Because he's got a team of writers who write it for him and he reads it off a teleprompter. Come on, Mitch. You know Hollywood. I always see the Crypt Keeper at callbacks all the time. You guys are going out for the same parks. We're going out for the same parks.

Man near death. Crypt Keeper is always winning out. Wait, where do you go training? Where do you train? You want to come with me? What gym? My boy Jason. It's a little private gym.

Where? In West Hollywood called Manchin? In Glendale, baby. Glendale. I go to one called Manchin Fitness where there's chandeliers everywhere. Whoa. I do the ropes. Oh, is it like the thick ropes where you wave your arms?

That's 100% what it was. It's too hard. And I did it for 30 seconds. I was like, I'm going to pass out. And he was like, okay, I cut your limit on the ropes. And I was like, oh my god. Isn't it the saddest fat people working out where you move a little bit and you're like, I'm going to die.

And then a very fit person's like, okay. The very fit person's like, I can do this all day long. I can do it all day. Yeah, you know what? I like seeing improvements to see that I'm like, oh, I can do that a little bit better than I could a couple of weeks ago. That's fun. But the minute you stop going, you start back at zero.

I know. Fuck this fucking thing. I got a nutritionist. I don't recommend it. No? No, because she made me go shopping with her. And at first I was like, great, I'll do it. But then I was like, oh, this is a narrative I don't want to be a part of.

A very fit, thin woman leading a fat lady around vegetables being like, eat them. And she's like, no, which is what happened? I always feel like when people like, you know, like, nutritionists or anyone who's trying to put you on a diet, they're like, you could have like, you could just like eat a red pepper. And I'm like, I don't want to fucking eat a red pepper. Yeah, nobody wants to bite into a red pepper. People are suggesting that? Yes.

That's not a good snack. You just have pepper as a snack. Do you know who my nutritionist is though? Who? The Crypt Keeper. And there's your problem. He is very thin. He's super thin.

I think there's an issue. Anyways. I interrupted Nick. I think you were about to do something. All I was going to discuss was I want to talk about you. The spookiest months in order. Okay, we're going to list the spookiest months in order. Number one.

I think October, then December. I think you spend a lot of time in the winter months because I think there's an inherent spookiness when it's like the weather is cold and ominous. I would say maybe not February, but I put January after. Oh, after December. After December because I feel like... Hey, what about Valentine's Day in February though? Yeah, well that's why I think Valentine's Day gets pushed out of the conversation a

little bit, but they also have the Valentine's Day Massacre, which was a famous mob hit. Only people don't like Valentine's Day either. Right, that's true too. Scary. Okay, so that's the... I think we're... So we're just going to start from December. October is one.

December is two. January is three. February is four. What month is Easter in? Easter is April, May, right? April. That's the... Jesus, our Lord has saved us.

Where a giant bunny hops around and gives eggs to kids. Gives eggs and then Jesus came back from the dead. Okay, that's spooky. That's pretty spooky. All right, that's top five. I think November is pretty spooky. Oh yeah, November is pretty spooky because... We celebrate Thanksgiving, which is when pilgrims came over and what, murdered Native Americans.

Right. And then ate a feast and then we celebrate it now. Well, I don't think that was the exact sequence of events. Are you sure they didn't hop off that Plymouth boat? I think that's how my family was always celebrated it. Was not following just like a mass murder. They come off the Mayflower, they hit Plymouth Rock, they murder some Native Americans. Sit down, have some turkey and stuff and then celebrate it.

And they have some corners the Indians called it. Maze. Oh my God. I would also say the summer months are probably the least spooky, right? Probably June the least spooky of all because that's when the summer is beginning and that's full of new hope. July is probably pretty spooky because the fireworks in the sky. Right. Spooky for dogs.

Spooky for dogs, for sure. All right. Number one for dogs would be July. That's the spookiest month. And then the rest of them kind of blend together. Yep. Okay, this was a useless exercise. Anyway, no, give us your list of spookiest months.

Right. Hashtag uh, what? Spooky months. Hashtag spooky months. The easiest hashtag. I was trying to, I was trying to, hashtag monster months. If the creep, if the creep keeper was here he would come up with a pun on the spot because that's what he's best at. Monster months is pretty good.

Monster months is pretty good. All right, we'll roll with monster months. Okay, so I want to talk about, because I know part of why you like Red Lobster or so I've heard is because you're someone who travels a lot. And it's, and when you're on the road, you're going to different destinations. It's a thing of some, of people who are, or frequent travelers. There are chain restaurants that are kind of like your home base in different territories. Outside of Red Lobster, like, what else are you looking for? Chili's.

Chili's, okay. Red Lobster, Chili's. Yeah, I will go back to that place a hundred times. There was also a Walmart. I love Walmart. I belong in the suburbs. I love chain restaurants and Walmart's. So it goes Red Lobster, Chili's, Applebee's because they have this chimichurma cheesecake dessert thing.

It's literally just cheesecake, put in a tortilla, like put some cinnamon on it and then deep-fried. It is so good. That does sound good. So good. And then I guess after that, that's it. Those are my top three. Outside of dining in, you're not someone who would go get fast food necessarily or? No, I like to pretend that it's like healthier and someone is actually like working to cook it.

Well, also too, like if you're looking for, if you're away from home, you maybe want a little bit of the companionship, the pseudo companionship you get from dining in public. No? Just me? I guess. I literally spent my birthday last year in a Red Lobster alone in Ohio. That sounds great. It was wonderful.

It was so nice. Oh, man. I've had a couple of birthdays like that myself. Wait, why were you alone? What was going on? Were you traveling? I decided to go to Ohio for my birthday. No, I was doing a college show.

Oh, all right. Were you with me when we went to Wyoming and I got, no, you weren't in Wyoming with me, right? When I got shot. No, but I heard about that. That was like one of the stories that I was like, oh, I need to stop touring. Yeah. Like unless I'm like in and out because UCB's Torco would have the most asinine flights to these places and you just be like chilling there.

And like two days would feel like seven days. Yes. It's really crazy. I spent a week in Kansas. Oh my fucking god. Who was I with? Who doesn't matter? But we were like, where do you guys hang out?

And one of the kids looks at me and goes, we like going to the bar called the noose. And I looked at everyone. I was like, can we just go back to the hotel? I don't want to be with these people who thought it was appropriate to say that. And then we were driving back to the hotel and then there was a hotel called the noose. And I was like, I don't ever have to come back to Kansas again. A hotel and a bar called the noose? Oh no, we were driving back to the hotel, the Hilton, I don't know.

But then we passed the bar called the noose. Oh my god. And it was like a real life bar. And I was like, this is terrible. But yeah, you got shot with a BB gun, right? I got shot with a BB gun. We were performed at Dick Cheney's College in Wyoming. Dick Cheney University?

Dick Cheney University. And we like, we did the show. It was actually, it was a fun show. Now I'm trying to think of who was there. Neil Campbell was there. Trish McAlpin I think was there. And who was the last person? Maybe Betsy?

I can't remember. But we were like walking down the street and we heard like, we saw like, first of all, like there's all these kind of like mutter, like these big mud vehicle, like the big four by four kind of trucks. Right. And like, a lot of them had like, like bumper stickers that talked about mudding or something. It was like drinking and mudding. It was like stuff like that.

And so I saw like a couple of those and then like, one of them like kind of like, was falling behind us and then like, I heard like a, like a snap or like a shot. And I thought at first it was like a gunshot. Like I actually, it was actually loud for a BB gun, maybe a pellet gun or whatever. And I was like, ah, and I was wearing like a shirt. And at first I was like, did I just get shot? Like I was scared. Oh no.

And then the four by four kind of sped off. And I was like, I just got, I just got shot. I think that guy just shot me with like a BB and I like, and there was a, I think there was a hole in my sweater or something. Yeah. And I took off my shirt and I was like, how does it look? Is it like still inside of me? And they were like, no, there's like not even a mark on you.

And I was like, oh. Did he say, he didn't say any words. He just shot you. He just shot us. Yeah. And he just shot me specifically and drove off. And credit, like to the guy's credit, he was trying not to shoot you and missed. He was trying not to shoot me?

Yeah. Oh, you fucking asshole. Oh, it was a fat joke, Weiger. I'm going to have my trainer beat the shit out of me. The Neil Campbell told me, the story he told me about this, I think this was the same trip. Was this Laramie Wyoming you were at? Oh yeah, it was Laramie. Yeah.

Which is fucked up for a lot of other reasons. But what he told me in context of that is that he, the guide, like the college, it was a college show and the college will like send a guide to like, you know, take you to campus or whatever. You guys know how these things work better than me. But he was like, the guide told him, like, or Neil was like, just trying to make small talk and was like, oh, so, you know, what's, what's this town known for? And first thing they said was like, well, this is where Matthew Shepard was killed.

Yeah. I remember that. Yeah. I would, that would be the last thing I would say. Right. It's such a softball question of like, you know, just throw out like, oh yeah, we got a micro brew. Not like this is a sign of.

This is a hate crime town. Yeah. This hate crime that they named legislation after. I'll also say this, it was, because it was around my birthday. It was October and it snowed. Spooky. Yeah. It was the spooky month and it snowed.

I remember and I was surprised that it was snowing in Wyoming in October. It was like the day we left. There was a little bit of snow. It's pretty far north. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yes. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, Massachusetts, it doesn't snow in fucking October usually. Sometimes. I mean, in New York, but that's so, it's not common for snow. You're right. You're right.

It's like, if it snows before Halloween, it's pretty rare. Mm-hmm. And then, you know, you might get like a little bit of snow and over. A sprinkle here and there. Yeah. You're right. I'm right. I'm right again.

I'm always right on this bucket. Never snows in SoCal. It's lovely down here. Is that like your brag? Mm-hmm. It never snows in SoCal. That's what, that was you bragging? Yep.

God damn it. We have an ideal climate. By the way, we were talking about this at dinner. Yeah. I gotta just talk quickly about this Mitch.Pizza thing. This is Van's... It's wild. ...Ven Robichow's website.

Because Nicole was asking about it and Van has set this thing up. And I didn't even, you know what? I didn't even want to acknowledge it because I was like, it would be better for me to just never talk about it and have Van constantly dropping these, let these things off at my house. But there's been a lot of nice letters and a lot of nice things in these, in these packages that he drops off. So I wanted to acknowledge him.

And at the same time, I want Van to... Wait, do you get a lot of things? He's delivered quite a bit of stuff so far. So just to orient people who may not know the backstory here, Mitch.Pizza is a website that our guest Van Robichow is here for the Yogurtland episode set up. It's marketed as a, he like is buying promoted tweets. He's spending money to put, to promote this service. And basically it's only purpose is he go to this website, Mitch.Pizza, and you can

email you, correct? That's correct. And the way that manifests itself, if I'm not mistaken, is that those become physical printouts that Van hand delivers to you. That's right. He comes to my house, which I don't like. Right. He comes to my house and he puts them through the mail slot and takes like video of my kittens

and stuff. Like, because the cat is like, like in like... Wait, through your mail slot? Yeah. Taking videos of your cat? The little kitten is right there. We're like, because there's a weirdo outside the door and the cat is like, who is this weirdo? I'm yelling at him.

And so I don't like that. I don't like it at all. But there's been a lot of nice messages. So it's been very nice. I'm going to send Van a cease and desist and hopefully this will all end soon. Have any like true babes been like, oh, I want to get on that desk? You know what? No.

At least not. I still have some to read. But no. No. So like no women have been like, yeah. No. No. No.

No. Story of my... How is your dating life? Oh, God damn it. We're not going to talk about this on the fucking podcast. It's a... It's a... It doesn't exist.

Okay. Yeah. I got the cats. You know, I was in bed with the cats on Sunday and I was like, I could just lay in the bed with these cats all day. I love them very much. And I'm just happy picking up the cats and kissing them on the head. And I'm very happy with that right now.

I love the cat. This is very sweet. Yeah. It was... The cats have been... And I have been very... How long have you had them? I've had them for like six months now.

Just about... Almost seven months. Yeah. That's been a while. I think you just kind of build on that relationship. You just spend time just embracing them and lying down with them and enjoying their company. And eventually, they will derive subsistence from your bloated corpse until at some point at which animal services will come in to retrieve them.

Or you can get a cat carriage, push them around your neighborhood. I like this idea better. And then a nice lady will be like, oh my God, you have a baby. Oh, it's a cat. I love cats, too. That's a nice note. I love you. And then you'll have a girlfriend and cats.

If I were to die, I hope that Wally and Irma would eat me. I think I've said this before, but I hope that they would eat my insides and my innards because I would want them to be well-fed. And then I would be a part of them, which would be very nice. Mitch, if you die, I hope someone finds you quickly and we have a nice funeral for you and then someone adopts your cats. Here's going to be the issue with Mitch dying is that he already just doesn't reply to people. So him not replying to texts or emails...

He's going to drop off a Mitch.Pizza envelope and smell a stench coming from the mail slot. And he's going to find out that it was me. The person who will find you will be the Domino's guy who's like, wait a minute, this man hasn't ordered from us in 48 hours. What's wrong? That's a real story. You know that, right? What is?

That a man ordered Domino's every single day for like 10 years and then one day he didn't order. So then they sent a driver to his house and he was like a heart attack. And they saved him. Yeah, they saved him. That's amazing. He was choking on a piece of crust and they gave him a Heimlich and he was saved. Mitch, you should go out for that part in the biopic.

God damn it. You versus the Crip Keeper. Hold on a second. Do you have people who like your stuff that will send you like, I want to hook up. You know what I mean? There's one man on Twitter who sends me gifts of porn and he'll send me pictures of his tongue and be like, I want to use this on you. Oh, Jesus.

Yeah. I think his handle is at the gimmick. At the gimmick. Or something like that. You don't have to shout out his handle. Follow Friday. I'm just really thankful for him. I open my Twitter and I'm like, somebody wants me.

It feels great. There's one guy. I'm excited for something. Yeah. Maybe now I'll get some cool Mitch.pizza mail. Yes, ladies. If you want to get at Mitch, go to Mitch.pizza. Send him a strange little email about how you want to get up on his dick.

Oh my God. And then a nice man named Van. We'll print it and probably read it. Right. And then he'll bring it to Mitch and then he'll be with his cats. This is like, this is the new You Got Mail. This is the You Got Mail 2. You got to write this.

This is your Hollywood movie. I would love if Mitch.pizza results in Mitch having some sort of passionate love affair. I mean, that would be like the best possible outcome from this. Jesus Christ. But I would say the only flaw in that is that I feel like there are only two kinds of Doe Boys fans, guys that look like Mitch and guys that look like me. Well, maybe Mitch will have to do something he's not quite comfortable with. It'll happen before this podcast ends.

I'm saying Nick and I will hook up before this. We know where this is going. So let's get into it. Did you have something else, Mitch? No, I was just going to say that this podcast is not worth it all unless what? Unless what? It's already not worth it. It's clearly not worth it.

I've spent too much money. I've gotten more unhealthy. Right. What good has... I mean, listen, I'm happy that people enjoy it and that makes me happy that people enjoy it. I don't know if the plus sides. I don't know if there's many plus sides to this. Well, look, it stresses us both out.

We both grow increasingly frustrated with it. And each other. Yeah, with each other for sure. But I think the fun of it is the fans and our wonderful guests who grace us with their presences. Let me just say this. It's nice to talk to someone like Nicole every week. And I got a free fucking dinner. I'm just going to say this, by the way.

You are like, Mitch is like impossible to deal with. And you talk about this. This is a reputation I've had. We talked about this a bit tonight. Yeah. This is a reputation that I've earned. Not earned. This is a reputation that has been placed on me over the years.

You've earned it to some extent. Shut the fuck up. Second of all, I think that people would be surprised that you're also not easy to work with either. I think I'm not the easiest person to work with. There you go. I have strong opinions that I wouldn't make. I've worked with both of you. And I think you're both really great to work with.

Yeah. Nicole. I truly do. You're so much fun to perform and collaborate with. And you were great to write with and work with. Truly. But I was just a little bit more fun. Getting in your own ways.

Or maybe not. I don't know. I think you guys are both wonderful. Thank you, Nicole. You're welcome. I think that we have strong opinions that sometimes differ. And I think we also have differing commitments to this podcast. In the sense that I am willing to do everything to keep it going.

And you wish it wouldn't stop immediately. This is bullshit. You write up your little... I know you write up your little things. Your little history lessons for the world to hear. And I don't do that. Okay? I don't want to do that.

But I try. God damn it. I try. Mitch is literally pounding a desk. I fucking try. This is bullshit. I get this bad... I've always had a bad rep...

Whatever. No. I agree with you that your reputation is a little bit overblown. I think you are sometimes... I'm being completely honest here. I think you're sometimes late to things. You're often late to things. I'm often late to things.

You're usually late to things. That's true. You're always late to things. I'm always late to things. That's true. But you don't just flake out on things. I don't flake out. I've known people who are just like, oh, you just don't hear from them or they just don't get something done.

I think if you have a deadline, if you have something that you have to get done, you will get it done. It might be maybe a little late, but you'll deliver. I'll deliver. And I think also, too, you're an intensely talented man. Oh, God. No, I've never denied that you're a very funny, very charismatic man. Lots of people like you have an inherent likeability. And I think all these together make it very worthwhile to collaborate with you.

And I think you do... I hope you do have some appreciation of the people who do respect and admire you and want you to continue on this path and not have this fatalist approach that you were talking about earlier with regard to your training. Nick, can I just say... Yes. ...that that was the pussiest shit I've ever heard in my entire life. It was pretty pussy. I feel like every acquaintance I've had in my life has at some point referred to something I said to them

as the pussiest thing they've ever heard in their life. It's a common sentiment. It's a common sentiment. Because you're a gentle man. Oh, boy, okay. Like, I think you're a stern but gentle man. All right. Yeah.

That's how I describe you. I put the gentle and gentle man. I'll take it. Yes. Yeah, you're not a gentleman. You're a gentle man. A gentle man. I think that actually does fit in very well.

Two words. You are a gentle man. And you're a catancorous, angry, grumpy man. Really? God damn it. But you have a joy about you. Kind of how they had, what, two grumpy old men movies? Because they couldn't get enough of them.

Yeah. I'm like Walter Matthow. Fair. Except, yeah, probably similar. I'm probably going to kick the butt. Like, if this was grumpy old man too, I'm probably just as close to dying as he was at that point. I think you're going to live forever and I think you're going to be real mad about it. I used to not be contankerous.

Remember, I used to be fun. I never said you weren't fun. I think you're still fun. You're very fun even though you're contankerous. I know, but that you... They're not mutually exclusive. They're not mutually exclusive. I feel like this is something that's happened to me in the last couple years.

This podcast especially. No, man, you can't blame your whole outlook on life on this podcast. It is a big part of it. Listen, I will say this. I am joking around a lot. I got in trouble last week for saying that I took a bite out of Baltimore. Oh, I didn't take... I took a bite out of Chicago.

You took a bite out of Chicago. But I gave Baltimore a hard time. You should talk to you. Yeah, Maryland. I was just messing around, baby. I joke around on the show a little bit. I was going to take a bite out of Big Apple today because Nicole is here, but I'm not going to do it.

What do you mean? I was going to take a bite out of New York. I don't get it. I don't listen to your podcast. He's been a slut. That's smart. That's good. I like that.

You have your priorities. I don't listen to any podcast. Yeah, that's fair. Some listeners might be like, hey, she doesn't listen to an attack. Well, I just don't get podcasts. Yeah. When I listen to them, I want to join in, but I can't because it's recorded. It's done.

Yeah, yeah. So that's why I don't listen to them. I think that's fair. You're also a very, very busy person. I am very busy flying to Ohio to eat Red Lobster alone. That's what I like to do. So I'm not going to take a bite out of the Big Apple, but maybe on another episode I'll get into it.

But Nicole, your experiences with Red Lobster started in New York, is that correct? Yeah, they started in New Jersey and Long Branch, New Jersey. Where I'd go to church with my family after church, not every Sunday. At first it was like special occasions, and then it became like almost every Sunday. I call Red Lobster black people's fine dining because they're usually in black neighborhoods and on Sundays, everyone's wearing a hat because they went to church and they are celebrating Jesus with lobster. What do you think that is?

Because you could get lobster for $19.99. Right. Do you think it's like a value proposition primarily? Yeah. Well, there's like black people, not all of them don't have money. I think most black people like deals, at least in my family. We all love a good deal. So I think Red Lobster is a very good deal.

Right. Because you mentioned it, you said this at the restaurant and I was like, oh, interesting. I hadn't thought of this before that. And then maybe I was like, oh, have I heard this reputation that Red Lobster is like a black people love Red Lobster? Black people love seafood. Okay. All right.

Interesting. I mean, I feel like most black people love shrimp. Yeah. I think that's an okay generalization. Yeah. I mean, you can do it. I mean, like my family- The silence of me and Weiger just nodding, sitting here nodding and sweating.

Yes, you're right. You have permission to make that generalization. I mean, Bubba Gump was a black man and there's at least one case of it that I know of. Yes, that's documented in Forest Gump. Bubba Gump, that historical figure. Bubba and Forest Gump. No, he wasn't Bubba Gump. He was just Bubba.

He was Bubba. Shit. I always make that mistake. Bubba little shrimp. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like most black people love Red Lobster. At least the ones I've spoken to.

Well, that is because I know that like a big Southern meal is shrimp and grits. I know that that is like a, that is a, and I've never had shrimp and grits before. Like a Cowboy. Yeah. That's true too. Crawfish. Yeah. Crawfish.

Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. I feel like I've heard that before and I've never really thought about it too long. Right. And I'm not sure. I feel like our listener base is mostly black. It's mostly black so we can figure this out.

But when you went to church, was it like a, what was it? Was it like a church where they were singing and so on and stuff like that? They were singing. I love that. It was a, I guess it's not Southern Baptist. I think it's just Baptist. And we would go to Sunday school at 11 a.m. and then, or maybe it was like 10 and then church would start at like noonish and then we would be there till like 3, 4 p.m.

That's what I was going to ask. Yeah. It was so fucking long. That's intense. And then we would go to Red Lobster after and that was always the best. Three or four hours of church. It was long. And then sometimes double service.

Wow. Where you would get like a little break and there would be food at the church and then you'd go to another service. And I was like, there can't be this much Jesus for everybody. This is too much for everybody. But yeah, the highlight for me was going to Red Lobster. So when my dad was sick, and I won't get emotional here, but when my dad was sick. I want you to cry.

I think I've cried on this podcast. I think tears have been streaming down my face. Really? Just from being so like sad about the entire experience. When my dad was sick, his co-worker took him to like a southerny Baptist type church. And when he was sick and they were singing. They laid hands? They did everything and they were saying, pray for this.

Like it was like the whole experience and they were singing and dancing. Like not dancing, but they were singing. Oh no, they were dancing too. We had praise dancers. Which means 10 to 15 grown women in flowy dresses would badly dance. And we would have to clap and be like, good job. Oh really? It wasn't like, because I hear praise dancers and I assume that's going to be something that's badass.

No, very bad. Just bad. Stop it there. It would just be like flowy things and they'd be like, it's just awful. It was a great experience for my dad. He very much loved it and appreciated it. And I was like, oh that sounds like so much more fun to me as a guy who was raised like Irish or Roman Catholic or Irish Catholic.

Catholic is real grim compared to like a Baptist church. I went to like a, my first experience with the Catholic church was like a funeral. And I'd only been to Baptist funerals which are very fun. And like joyous occasions because they're like, they went home. They went home to Jesus. Let's all dance. And then like a Catholic funeral was like really sad and grim. And I was like, oh no one's going to dance for the dead.

Okay. Yeah. It's very sad. And then in the wakes you see the people in the boxes in their coffins. It's kind of fucked up. And I was like, oh it would be so fun to go to church like that. But hearing the three or four hour thing. I might not.

So long. Yeah. And I was like, it's interesting. The music's good. The preacher will scream and shout. And people catch the Holy Ghost which is like the piano player will start playing. And then people will like get in the house and be like, oh, I can't do it audibly. I can't, how do I describe it?

It's like a hoedown kind of, I can show you when we're done how people catch the Holy Ghost. And then my grandmother's church people would speak in tongues. Oh yeah. And they'd fall on the floor and be like dum, dum, dum. And I remember it's like a little girl being like, you're doing too much. This is the most. Yeah.

I mean that's it. I'm not going to be like, that's not happening to me to them. That could definitely be some experience. I don't know. I don't know what it is. What do you have to say? There's actually a logical explanation about this. I don't know anything about the phenomenon itself or the practice I'm peripherally familiar

with. I will just say I was raised Episcopalian which has kind of the pageantry of the Catholic church, a very staid sort of, it's the Anglican church in America. So it's like very much got kind of that, you know, that sort of a British sort of, it's kind of stodgy. It's nothing particularly interesting. But I think it's very similar to Catholicism just a little less formal. The thing is the Episcopalian church is like very progressive famously.

So it's like they were the first church that had like gay priests and female priests, etc. It looks like you're dressed as kind of like a, you look kind of priest like today. You look like you're kind of got a cool priest vibe going on. I've thought about that. Like if I just joined the priesthood, like I feel like I would have to abandon my wife and like the life I've created and I shouldn't do that. But I just like, I do feel like I could be just like the kind of, I'm still kind of a, I'm 36 but I'm like, I'm young looking enough where I could like put on a, I could dress like

a priest and sort of be walking around the town and it'd be kind of like the young priest and people would be like, oh, he's got a good head on his shoulders. You could just be a youth minister. Right, right. And you could keep your wife and your life. Yeah. I guess also, I mean, if you do this, I'm just thinking, because I live in Hollywood, there could be a sequel to Spotlight out of this.

So you're thinking down years down the line when the investigation into me is complete. And then Spotlight too. Spotlight too. There will be a movie about that. So you're growing up. You're going to Red Lobster as a kid after church. So it would always be on Sundays? Sundays.

What are you normally getting down? Very rarely was it other days. And if it was another day, it was either a birthday or like a graduation. We got special Red Lobster treats for like graduation and stuff. Tonight's the only night I didn't hear the birthday song being sung in Red Lobster and the three times I've gone. I'll say this. It's pretty common.

That Red Lobster was a sad Red Lobster? You think? That was the saddest one I've ever heard. Well, here's the funny thing is, is that it was sad tonight, but we'll get into that a little bit. The other two times I went, it was not that sad. It's a good time. This one was sad.

This was the saddest night of all. Also, it was the least amount of Black people I've ever seen in a Red Lobster. So maybe that has something to do with it. The Black people bring the joy. Or the magnetic, we push away, like the whiteness of Nick and I push away. We repel Black people. We can't go to Red Lobster tonight. The Whites are coming.

What meal were you usually getting at Red Lobster on Sunday? Well, I ordered it tonight. I got a strawberry smoothie, which is just a milkshake. It was sweeter than I've ever remembered it. I couldn't finish it, but when I was little, I would always get, it was called Aztec Chicken Linguine, but now it's just a spicy Cajun Linguine. And it's weird that as a child, I would go to a seafood restaurant and love to go to a seafood restaurant and never order seafood, but I never did.

My dad would always get the Admiral's Feast, which is like shrimp, I think lobster, maybe crab legs, but all of it's like deep fried and brown. My sister would always get like some sort of fish taco thing. And I don't remember what my mother would get, but she would always get like a lobsterita. And then for a while, they had like collector's glasses. And then they let you just take them back in the day tonight when I asked. I think this was before you came or were you there? I was there.

The first time I asked where he laughed and then looked scared of me. 100% did not think you were being serious. We were there with a slightly larger party. It was the three of us and then our friends, Madeline, Paul, Marcy were all there. And also for us, I was on a Harold team with all these people. It was a group called Cooper, so it was a little bit of a mini reunion. I forgot to tell you that they were coming. I told Nick, though, so it wasn't at all surprise.

I thought it was a great surprise. Oh, good. I loved it, yeah. It was great when you walked in there 40 minutes after they'd sat down to join this party. Well, we got there early. You got there early. We were supposed to meet at 8 p.m. And I got in at 8.10.

You were 8.10. You were only 10 minutes late. It was totally fine. It was literally like when I left as soon as I could leave work. Yeah. See, don't give me that fucking reputation. God damn it. But we were all there and, yeah, you'd ask for the glass and he thought you were joking

and then he was very scared when he realized you were serious. I don't know why he got so scared. All I wanted was a glass. It's a common thing at chain restaurants. We discuss the table. To be able to buy the glass or get the glass. Right. But I did make the point that there is no red light.

Like red lobster symbol or anything. It's just a very big glass. And the glasses my mother had had like lobsters on it. And they like said red lobster. But this glass, you guys, $10, 25 cents. Not bad. Hand blown and I think he said Mexico. And Mexico, yes.

That's what it sounded like. I'm very excited to drink all of everything out of it. All you have to do is you just have to make one drink in that glass and you could get drunk. Oh, I'll be so drunk. Yeah, it's a giant glass. And also I want, even though he was afraid when he first served that, our server tonight was, he was a good guy. What was his name?

Moody. Moody. Yeah. I liked Moody. Moody did a good job. Moody was trying his best to accommodate us. What an interesting name. Yes.

I think his real name, I think his real name is Ahmed. But I think he goes by Moody. I mean, I would too in the climate of this country. You know the thing I was, I would say. I'm not Ahmed. He went by Moody, but he wasn't particularly Moody. He was just a ray of sunshine. That is insane.

Oh, that was perfect. Do you know what's weird? I should have, I should have known that his name was Ahmed. Because, uh. Because of racial profiling? No, because, um, when he came out to our table, uh, Jeff Dunham had his hand up his ass. Jesus Christ.

Oh, Mitchy Mitch. We'll take a quick break real quick. What? That was a good joke. Welcome back to No Boys. We're talking Red Lobster the Nicole Buyer. So. Jeff Dunham.

Yes. Has a puppet called Ahmed. Ahmed the Dead Terrorist. Yeah. The word terrorist is in there. Yeah. Well, you know, that's not my, that's Jeff Dunham's. Right.

That's his editorializing. He made an animated feature with that, like a directed video animated feature with that character. And it's so weird because it's like an animated version of a puppet. And then it, like it doesn't, like it's so, the interesting thing about Jeff Dunham's act is that he's doing ventriloquism and then you're removing the ventriloquist entirely and he's just voicing an animated character. That's really strange.

Was he a bad guy or was Ahmed a bad guy? No, he's a good guy. I think it's his tail of redemption. Oh, okay. Man, what a thrill for Natalie. Hey Natalie, I gotta watch the Ahmed movie. I didn't watch, I didn't watch the whole film. I'm just aware of it.

You ain't got a bad body. So let's get into our meal a little bit tonight. So we, you and I and Nicole, we both got the lobsteritas. I got the raspberry lobsterita. I also got a raspberry wine. You got the same one. What did you think of that drink? I liked it.

Yeah, right? It wasn't super sweet because I was coming off that strawberry essentially milkshake smoothie and I was like, that's too sweet. And then the lobsterita had a nice mixture I think of alcohol and then whatever the mix was. Yeah, I would say I only finished about two thirds of mine because it is a giant portion. Oh, it is so big. It's really, really big.

I think I got three fourths of the way. I was like trying to get it down but then I had eaten too much. It was tough. Yeah. But taste it. A little bit of booze to it. Hard to, I don't, I wonder how many people finish those things. Especially the frozen drink because like once I get that much just cold liquid in my body,

it just doesn't want it anymore. Yeah. That's huge. But I thought that was like, again, I think you're right that it wasn't too sweet. No, I think it was like perfect. Right, which I'm always afraid of with a chain restaurant cocktail that doesn't have too much sweetness. But I think they overall do a nice job of balancing these.

But also it's a little misleading to call it a lobsterita. There's no lobster in it. You expect a little lobster claw peeking out or something? Maybe a little lobster claw. Yeah, right. I said the same thing. Or like a candied lobster. Sure.

I like that. I like that. Why not have a little candied lobster claw? Right, wouldn't that be cute? I think that's very, that's very cute. Because I don't want like a real lobster claw on my fucking cocktail. But just like a little candied one. Yeah, the only connection of lobsters that is at Red Lobster, but it's like if you called

it the olive rita at Olive Garden. Yeah. And then you'd be like, oh, is there going to be an olive into this? And then there isn't. And it's disorienting. So yeah, I think they should deliver on the lobster element a little bit. I agree. Mitch, what did you do in terms of beverages?

I got myself a mango Mai Tai. Was it tasty? I forgot to ask to taste it. You know what? You should have asked to taste it because I actually liked it. It was one of my favorite mixed drinks that I got there. Now I'll say this about Red Lobster. This maybe was my, this maybe is close to my least favorite of the visits.

The company was great. But I will say this, the mango Mai Tai, their drinks overall are actually pretty good. I feel like they do a decent job with their cocktail menu. I agree with you. I think they have a very nice cocktail menu there. All the different libations I've had are good and well balanced. Very much on the opposite end of something like a Dave and Buster's where it's all gimmickery. It's like these are actually drinkable cocktails.

And then we got, so while we were waiting for you, Mitch, which I just wanted to reiterate, you weren't particularly late. You were within a reasonable amount of time you arrived. And I just got there early and I told Nick I was there early so he got there a little early. So it's not on you. It's not on you at all. But while I was waiting, one of the things I ordered was the mozzarella cheese sticks, which are served with tangy marinara.

One thing, these were just plated in a big line like a bunch of hot dogs. And when I set the plate, I moved the plate a little bit and they all just started sliding off. They all rolled right off. They rolled off onto the table. Oh, what the fuck? I ate a bunch of those. Well, no, this is not all of them. The few of them.

He ate the ones that got on the table. Ugh, gross table freak. The table's not that, well, the table's not gross. You can get out the table. Whatever you say, table freak. I'm not a table freak. You certainly are. No, I think you don't eat food if it touches the table of a restaurant.

It depends. Mm-hmm. I think I will. Deep fried mozzarella sticks, I'll eat. Yeah. But like, I mean, if like salad or something, like a, like a, something gooey or something falls on the table, I'll just leave it. Right.

Tweet it on a severe table freak, hashtag table freak. And if not, hashtag plate freak. Um, this is, they were good mozzarella sticks. They were good. They were skinny. You could kind of down them in one bite, good amount of marinara sauce with them. I think they were just like completely serviceable is the word I used. That's fair.

And that sounds like a negative thing, but I mean that is in a positive way. They got the job done. Um, the thing is just the plating threw me off. It was just so, they were just like all lined up, all just like out there. It's basically like they'd opened just a box of cookies and just like dump the cookies on a plate. It was, there was no elegance to it. You were really upset about the plating of these mozzarella sticks.

I just think they could have had a little bit more pizzazz or put it in a basket or something. Could have had more pizzazz. Actually, he moved it an inch and they all tumbled out. When I got to the restaurant, you were hiding behind another booth in the restaurant peeking over to look at the mozzarella sticks. I was humiliated because of this Rube Goldberg mozzarella sticks disaster. We also got, what was it? It was like a dip.

What was it? It was like a lobster shrimp artichoke cheesy dip. Right. It was like a shrimp artichoke dip with the langostino lobster. I didn't order that one. I think you guys ordered it before I arrived. Did you taste it? I did taste it.

It was good. It was good. I have a little bit of an aversion to spinach artichoke dip due to some past food poisoning. But the one might have had, I was like, okay, this is pretty good. It's not. Wait, you got food poisoning from spinach artichoke dip? Probably eating off the table, you table freak. We didn't eat it off the table.

Natalie and I went to a TGI Fridays. Can I get this served on the table, please? Whatever you say, table freak. We were not going to ask them to dump a bunch of dip in the middle of the table. Whatever you say, table freak. Also, if a waitstaff addressed me as table freak, I would leave. I'm not going to patronize a restaurant that characterizes me as a table freak. I don't know why that was so funny to me.

Whatever you say, table freak. I think that's just a funny interaction to think about. I have some food just served on the table. Whatever you say, table freak. I mean, I think if we learned anything from tonight, it's that if you bully the waitstaff enough, they will acquiesce to your demands. They'll give you a cup for $10. $10.25.

And I bet if we're just like... I will say that it did take him like three... It was like three times when he finally came back and he's like, okay, here's the deal. You can get the cup like he will finally... Because at one point he's like, do you guys need anything else? And I slurped my drink and went, just this cup. Very menacingly. And then when he presented you the final offer, he's like, my manager will sell it to you

for $10.25. And I went, yep. He went, oh. He was expecting you to say no. This will finally throw her off. We'll just charge her $10 for it. I don't know why they didn't want me to have that cup. I don't know either.

I guess it's kind of inconvenient for them to restock their inventory, but... It's one cup. It's one cup. Who cares? One cup. Yeah, it's not a big deal. That was great. Well, you guys got it for me, so thank you.

Of course. Of course. Our treat. So, Mitch, you and I both got the four-course feast. The cup freak. Which is a thing... Which is a thing that they have on Monday through Thursday at $17.99 and you get a soup, a salad, an entree and a dessert.

It's a little deceptive, because they're counting the salad as a separate course, whereas most of the entrees at Red Lobster have a salad included. So, they're kind of like presenting you like you get something extra, but really you're just getting two extra things, which is the soup and the dessert. That said, it's still a good value. I think you're getting a good amount for your money. I was certainly full afterwards. I was full afterwards, too.

I was almost maybe too much food. A little excessive, but I think if you're a big eater, you're getting your money's worth. Especially, you can make choices within there to really get your money's worth. If you want to go big, if you want to go heavy, you can go heavy with some stuff. Or you can go very light. Paul went so light. Paul went extremely light. That was insane.

He got salmon, asparagus and I think potatoes. Yeah, maybe squash or sweet potatoes or something. I never in my life had ever seen anything that healthy at Red Lobster. He had like the meal of an elderly aunt. A-N-T or A-U-N-T? Yeah, aunt, like of the insect. Oh, okay. Yeah, you know, an elderly aunt.

An elderly aunt. Like from a bug's life. No, I meant A-U-N-T. I got the creamy potato bacon soup as my soup. You can get that or you can get the New England clam chowder. And I got the New England clam chowder. That's the one you got. And you can also get the lobster bisque for a slight up charge.

I liked my soup a lot. I gotta say though, I tried your soup and it felt like a dip. It's very heavy. Yeah, I liked it. I would say it's akin to potatoes out of Grotton with just a little bit extra soup. It was very thick, very hardy. I think if you had more than a cup of that, it would be excessive. But in the cup dosage, if you're craving something hardy and it'll warm you up inside, it was

quite good. Now, the clam chowder just was, did you try tonight or did Madeleine say she had it? Madeleine had it. And she said it was off game. But maybe I'm a little bit of a clam chowder snob being from where I'm from. You didn't like it at all. From the Boston area. It was not great.

It was kind of watery and then it was like, it just felt kind of like maybe they heated it up like too quick or it was not working out for me. It didn't get a lot of good chunks of potato or really any clams. Not that I even want a ton of clam in my clam chowder, but I was just like, oh, it just kind of feels like it's more like a broth or something. Well, you know, the last time we went to the same location with Ross on our previous episode, Ross Kimball, and we both had similar experiences with our New England clam chowders on that visit. And you guys had two different ends of the spectrum.

We had two different ends. He had like the last bowl, the last batch of a, of a, the last bowl of a batch and I get the first bowl of a new batch and both just like kind of watery. So I think I wonder if it might be an issue with this particular Kenoga Park location and the way they're making their chowder there. I don't know. So should the new batch be good? I would expect the new batch to be better.

But is there any issues all around? That's what I mean. None of the batches will be good. A general consistency and that would also, you know, reconcile with what happened with us having that issue when we ate a couple of days ago and also when we ate today. When I think new batch, I think Gremlins 2. Right. Great movie.

Should be a great batch. It should be a new. Never seen it. Have you seen Gremlins 1? Never seen it. Why haven't you seen Gremlins 1? I haven't seen most movies that people have seen. So if Gizmo walked in right here right now, you wouldn't know who Gizmo was?

Nope, I would say. You feed him after midnight? Probably. No, that's what you're not supposed to do. If a man named Gizmo said, I'm so hungry and I peeped at my phone and it was after midnight, I would give him food because I don't know what that means. He would be a small little furry creature, by the way. Well, then I'd probably say, get out of my house.

Get out of my house, you little dust bunny. I think a Gremlins 3 with Nicole might be the best movie I've ever seen. Get out! Not you! Slamming my door. Get out! Last time when you were here, we discussed and you've never seen a Star Wars. No.

What do you think? That'll be pretty big for a lot of our fans who are kind of nerds like me and Mitch. What would you think is the movie that you haven't seen that might really make people surprised or outraged? I've never seen The Godfathers. You ever see Jaws? No. I've never seen Indiana Jones.

Wow. I've never seen The Goonies. I've never seen... Honestly, you can name so many movies. Good fellas? That's my... All right. Give me your top five.

Okay, Ghost, Sisterac, My Cousin Vinnie, Curly Sue, Two Wong Foo, Thanks for the Memories, Julie Neumar. Okay. You got two whoopies in there. I love Whoopie Goldberg. Whoopie Goldberg. I haven't watched Ghost in a long time, but I was thinking of Ghost. Maybe it being the spookiest month, as Weiger has said.

I've been thinking about Ghost, but I haven't watched Ghost in a while, and I want to watch it again and see how it holds up. I love Patrick Swayze. It's great. And Whoopie. Man, Whoopie was on fire at that period of time. She was really on fire. Yeah.

She was really on fire. Have you ever seen Made in America? Very good movie. Eddie. Very good movie that's improbable. She becomes the head coach of the New York Knicks. Oh, yes. It's never going to happen.

The associate. She impersonates a big white dude and becomes a crazy stockbroker. God, I love Whoopie. I love Whoopie, too. It feels like 80% of the films you've seen are Whoopie Goldberg movies. Whoopie based. Have you seen the one where she has like a T-Rex sidekick? I have not seen that one.

I can't bring myself to watch it. I know it exists. I just can't do it. What? She has a T-Rex sidekick? Yeah. She has like an animatronic T-Rex sidekick. She wears all black for the whole movie.

Oh boy. And she's like, come on now. And he's like... I've seen the trailer. I just can't watch it. It's so like anytime I've had anything and not that I've ever had any success in the film industry. Sounds better than Force Awakens in my eyes.

Anytime I've ever had any experience trying to be involved with something that's going to potentially be a movie. There are just so many roadblocks that when you hear of something that's got like a concept that crazy, it's just like so many people had to say yes to this. Like dozens of people had to check off boxes and say like, yep, this is a good idea. We're going to make this. We're going to sign checks. You know why I think it got made?

Do you remember that show Dinosaurs? That was a hit. Okay. With a bunch of animatronic dinosaurs, not the baby. And I think it got made during that time. So they're like, this is good for ABC, this will be good for us. And then nobody actually thought it through. Right.

That tracks. That's my theory. The baby said not the mama. Oh, fuck. I'm embarrassed. Not the mama. Wait, why would that baby say he's not the mama? Because I think the dad was trying to be like, eat up little guy and he was like, not the

mama and would like hit him and stuff like a fan. It was a Henson show. So I feel like they had, but that show is also very like dark. I think you think it's on Netflix. Dinosaurs maybe is on Netflix. I'm not going home and watching. Right now? You're going to wait.

Goodbye. Oh no. I will say this, spoiler alert for dinosaurs. The last episode, like a meteor like hit, like they like go extinct. Oh, really? Like the fam, like it's like they like die. Yeah. It's kind of like fucked up.

That's pretty dark. Or like a meteor hits and like they, and like the world is dark and like they like freeze or it's like, it's really dark and weird, I think. Anyways, I wonder where, I wonder, because Whoopi, because she did the color purple. She's, she's, she's. You've never seen the color purple. What the fuck? I know.

You're a huge Whoopi fan. I know. Why are you saying the color purple, Nicole? What the fuck? I don't know. Um, where, where, where's Whoopi? Hashtag where's Whoopi? Oh, she's on the view.

She's on the view. She's doing very well for herself. Yeah, why does she do films still? I don't know. She's a super funny actress. Maybe she just hasn't, because the views not work. She just like wakes up and like says a couple funny things. Sometimes she like farts on air.

She's like, she doesn't care. She's like, yep, that was me. Sorry. He's on the topic. It's very funny to me. Well, anyways, we went off topic here, but I was talking about clam chowder. Right. Yes.

It was not good. Um, I am, I like, do you like, I like New England clam chowder. There's, I want to hear what people like, uh, because there's Manhattan clam chowder, which is red. And then. Ew. And then it sounds like a little bit. Manhattan clam, it's red clams?

Is it, is it? Is it Manhattan? Yeah, it's like a tomato base. It's a potato base. And you don't like soup to begin with. I hate soup. Soup's terrible. Right.

But I did taste Marcy's potato soup, and that was not soup. That was like, uh, you had it, it wasn't soupy. It's like an all grout and potato with just like a little extra sauce. It, yeah, it seemed more of like a side dish that you get a dollop of and not a bowl of. Yeah. If you're a soup skeptic, I mean, that's, that's the soup for you. Oh yeah. Hashtag soup, soup skeptic.

You're a soup skeptic. I truly am. Chicken noodle soup. Get the fuck out of here. Oh, I can kind of get behind that. It's salty juice with like chunks in it. The chicken is never good is my issue. I feel like this is like the chicken that they want to throw in the trash and they put

it in the chicken soup. If it's a really well-made one, maybe, maybe I'll give it to the better of them. I feel like that's what all soup is, trash, that people don't want to throw out so they, they're like, it's a stew or a soup. And it's like, no bitch, throw it away. I'm not eating your old food. It's not tricking me. Well, if you like doing the clam chowder, tweet us hashtag white for, for, for.

Just the hashtag white. Just white. For. Don't click on that hashtag. I'm suspicious of what's going on there. Manhattan clam chowder, hashtag red. What about white chowder powder? Hashtag white chowder powder.

Hashtag red for Manhattan soup, clam soup, clam chowder and then hashtag blue if you don't like any of the soups. Isn't there also, there's a Rhode Island chowder too that's clear, right? Oh. Yeah, it's, I've never had it but I've just heard of it. But anyway, if you like that one. I gotta Google this. Hashtag soup freak.

Soup freak. No, what was it? Table freak. Oh, soup freak is good. Okay, so, and then we got into our, we got into our second courses which was, I got the fresh Caesar salad. Mitch, I think you got the, the garden salad. They got the garden salad with ranch dressing.

Same. I had it before. It does the job guys. It's not great. But it's not bad. I think it's great. I like their dinner salad. It's, it's fun.

It's good. I like that there's a little red onion. I like the, the croutons I think are fresh. The croutons are good. But put a little cheese on there. Why not sprinkle just a little bit of cheese? We were right about Rhode Island clam chatter. It is like clear and gross looking.

Get it together, Rhode Island. I'm gonna take a bite out of you next time. Do you think states get scared now when I threaten to take a bite out of them? You should take a bite out of them. Swing states and bite all the Trump supporters. There we go. I wonder if you have Trump supporters who listen to this. I'm sure we do.

We'll play both sides. We'll play both sides just for those sweet lists, those sweet downloads. No, fuck Trump. Anyways, here's, here's, here's what I was gonna say. I like a little bit of a, I like a little bit of some cheese in my, and why not throw a little bit of a shredded, shredded cheese on there? Ask for it. They would have done it for you.

Yeah, I think that would, I think it would have upgraded the salad a little bit. I'm a cheese man. As far as not including it by default, I mean that seems like just a cost-benefit analysis they've done of that just, they, they're giving away salads with basically every entree. So that just makes it a little bit more profitable. Cheese on your salad, hashtag healthy mouse. Healthy mouse. I don't like cold cheese.

I think it's so gross, so I'm happy that there's no cheese on my salad. The ranch is very good ranch. The ranch is good. Yeah, the ranch is very good. It's very good ranch. I like it. The Caesar, I thought was good. The one detail I like of their Caesar salad, good croutons there, which you mentioned

Nicole. Also, also the case in the Caesar salad. Also, they give like a shaved parmesan as opposed to just the gravy. That's nice. That's elegant, a little bit of class. Yeah, no, I agree with that. It's, yeah, it's nice. And then our mains.

You got the, what was your dish you got, Nicole? I got a lobster bake, which was linguiney, like in a garlic sauce with a bunch of lobster tails. And then I added scallops and shrimp to it because I was like, you better give me all everything from the sea. It was a lot of food. I didn't finish all the linguiney. I ate all the seafood.

It was very good. I liked it a lot. I should have dipped my cheddar bay biscuit in the garlic sauce. Oh. Oh, that was a real mistake on my part. You know what I'm going to say? That the three times we went tonight were the second best cheddar bay biscuits. Those were good cheddar bay biscuits tonight.

They were pretty good. The first time I went was the best, second time the worst so far, this one second best. They were good biscuits and our server Moody. I think he was a little, because Mitch, you and I, We didn't really finish our dinners. We didn't finish our entrees. He was concerned. He was concerned.

He was worried that we were unhappy with our meals. He wanted to put in more food for you. Right. He was offering us stuff, which was very nice of him. But one thing he did do is he, in addition to hooking up with that glass, he gave us all some cheddar bay biscuits to go, which was quite nice. Very excited about that. That was very, he was very, and he, yeah, he was offering us full other meals.

He was very nice. He was running to accommodate us and we hadn't even complained. He would just saw that we had a lot of food left on our plate. And so I guess I will get into what, so I got the garlic shrimp for my main dish. And it was two full skewers of garlic shrimp. I thought they were a little bit undercooked. Nick, you had a couple. They just seemed a little bit, they just seemed like they could have been undercooked.

Which is a little scary, right? A little bit scary. And also when I wasn't feeling well afterwards, but I didn't, I probably left like four or five shrimps. Why didn't you ask Mody to throw them back on the grill? You know what? I just, I ate there twice in the last couple days. I was just okay with it.

Sure. I've eaten a lot of shrimps. And I think the garlic was also giving me a hard time. Sure. The mashed potatoes, I got mashed potatoes as my side, which I've gotten before. They did not do a good job with the mashed potatoes. Oh no. The first time I had them they were good, but they were kind of cold and they were a little

bitter. A little bit like, yeah, a little too gelatin like. Oh no. And then the rice, the rice was fine, but it was a little bit too, it was almost undercooked. It was a little crunchy. It was a little crunchy. So, overall my main meal was lacking tonight. It was a rough outing for Red Lobster tonight.

Yeah, unfortunately I'm in the same boat as you, Mitch. I ordered the Cajun Chicken Linguini Alfredo. I instead was presented with the Shrimp Linguini Alfredo. Yes, I knew that that was a mistake. Oh, weird. But then I was like, am I going crazy? Did I spend too much time listening to Nick's order? Right.

Oh, don't say anything. No, it wasn't any sort of Mandela effect. This was a real thing that he got that issue, he got the dish wrong. Moody fucked up. Well, I don't think Moody, I think Moody got a little disoriented because I had originally ordered the shrimp and then Mitch wanted the same thing. So, I changed up my order on the fly and he probably just wrote in Linguini but forgot to specify the protein.

I didn't send it back because it was just a difference of a protein. And I was just like, you know what, that's fine, I'll just take this. The shrimp, I will say, was these little baby shrimps that just weren't particularly appetizing or flavorful. I had a couple of those and I just, especially doused in that Alfredo sauce. That Alfredo sauce was overwhelming. It was thick. Super thick.

It looked woof. It looked tough. Like sour cream thick. It was just like, it was excess and there was so much of it that it was so buttery. Yeah, I got a little bit of the Linguini, I couldn't really eat the shrimp but I'd say I probably ate less than a third of that dish. It was just, it was so heavy and it's not because I was full, it was just too much. Yeah.

It looked daunting. Right. I will go so far as to say, I'm done with Alfredo. Whoa. Get Alfredo out of here. I don't need him anymore. Oh no. It's like Godfather part two.

I'm taking Alfredo out on the boat. Which is a spoiler for Nicole. I don't get the reference. Is Alfredo a nice saucy man in the movie? Alfredo was kind of the me of the Godfather franchise. Just a very genial guy who doesn't, he wasn't doing anything right. He just fucks things up perpetually. Or you're pulling a stripe.

You're lifted, as stripe is on the fountain, you're lifting the shade up and then shooting him with a gun. That's the end of Gremlin. Okay. Also, Nicole doesn't know that one either. Sure don't. If you see one movie of the bunch. Literally just keep doing it.

I've never seen any movie that you've seen. Gremlins. You gotta see Gremlins. I've never seen it. Which of the lines does she have? Have you seen Jurassic Park? No. Oh wait, I'm a liar.

I saw the second half of it. Oh God, what? You never even got to see the pleasant part of Jurassic Park. You didn't see Sam Jackson. He only saw his arm. Oh no. I don't even remember him in it. He's in the movie.

But you only saw his arm. He only saw his disembodied arm. I guess so. Here's what I remember from Jurassic Park. Who's that hot man Jeff Goldblum gets eaten by that dinosaur? No, that does not happen. That's not Jurassic Park. He survives.

He survives. Who's in the bathroom and gets eaten? Isn't there a man on the toilet? Oh, that's the lawyer. Yeah, the lawyer gets eaten by a... That's the part I remember. I got mad at that because people in the theater really like laughed and cheered. But my dad was a lawyer.

Oh no. And he's a great guy. It was an indictment of all lawyers. It was just saying... Just that lawyer. That guy was particularly cowardly. But you know what? In the book that he's actually a hero.

Oh really? Yeah, the lawyer's a hero in the book and he lives. Oh. Leave it to Hollywood. How interesting. I know. Have you guys seen Westworld? I've watched...

I've kind of liked Jurassic Park. Yeah, it's the same author. Michael Creighton. That I heard. And then I was like, that makes sense why I think it's the same. The old movie Westworld is... Oh, there's a movie? Yeah, there's a movie Westworld which is kind of like a prototype of Jurassic Park.

It's like from the 70s. Oh. It's very good. Very much worth watching. Yule Brenner. Oh yeah. Yule Brenner. Nick, you have a couple of hold-ups with Westworld but I'm sure we'll get into that.

I don't want to... I won't spend a lot of time on this. I'll tweet Storm about it. Tell me your hold-ups because I'm really into it. Here's my issue with Westworld. They haven't addressed the in-game economy. Like, that's a big part of the design of these because it's effectively a theme park slash MMO, massively multiplayer online game.

And they've got like kind of this questing element of MMOs that they're sort of instituting. I think that's actually pretty elegantly done. They have all these sort of like things that appear like chance encounters but that actually set you off in an adventure with some sort of goal and some sort of discreet reward. Cut to Nicole and I both in our own beds dusted at home. Nick in here talking about this with no one recording. But here's the thing. They haven't resolved how the economy works in terms of in-game currency and in terms

of how you exchange real-world currency for in-game rewards because that's a big part of all of these games. Even if you're just talking about something as simple as alternate costumes, alternate like, you know, like for instance, if you wanted to have a horse that was a little faster or a gun that shot a little bit more efficiently, like these would be upgrades you'd be able to buy if this was a traditional game. Nicole, just nod. No, but I'm like, it's like...

So wait, you're mad that people can't upgrade guns? I'm mad that they haven't explained how that works because the whole thing is this is marketed... But maybe you can't upgrade your guns. But then why wouldn't they do that? Because then it's economically flawed because the whole thing is it's marketed towards the ultra-rich who have an endless amount of disposable income and so they're willing to make low-value purchases like, I'm going to pay an extra $50 to have eight rounds in my revolver instead

of six. Those are the kinds of things that people will buy if they're playing. But then that gives you like a true advantage. But that's the sort of thing that I think they would... That would be economically worth their while because people would be spending so much money in this world. But then everyone would be walking around like Ed Harris scalping people and being wild. Well, maybe he has made some...

Like, that's my suspicion is that Ed Harris has maybe spent a little bit extra money. Listeners of the podcast are driving into incoming traffic. We should just start the Westworld recap podcast. No, we should not start the Westworld recap. I also want to say that my main problem... And I've only watched the first episode. This may be solved in episode two. But what if a guest accidentally shoots another guest?

They actually haven't clarified that. They haven't clarified how the guest guns work on other guests. They've only clarified how it works in relation to robots. But I feel like the guns don't work on the other guests because they said that the AIs can't hurt the other guests. So I don't think the other guests can hurt each other maybe. Right. But I feel like...

I feel like there should be no live bullets in this world. That's my main thing. Sure. And you know what? That goes for this world too. I'm taking a strong stance. Yes. Gun control.

Gun control, baby. Good for you, Mitch. So I had the... Yeah, the occasional... Ultimately, the shrimp linguine Alfredo. It was just too much. The Alfredo sauce was way, way too heavy. And then we finished off with the triple chocolate brownie alamo.

Did you get a dessert, Nicole? I didn't, but I ate Paul's because he's very healthy. Yeah. And I told him to get this apple strudel thing. But then he was like, no, I don't care. I should have gotten that apple strudel because the dessert... It was just okay. Was it also the brownie that you had?

An okay brownie. It's like a triangular piece of brownie with chocolate chips in it. Yeah. And there's whipped cream and vanilla ice cream. I'm not a sportsman. I just kind of wish it was very chocolatey and I just wish it was more of a warm brownie. Same. It was just like a hunk of cold brownie.

Yeah. And it was almost kind of like a cake. But not like a good warm cake. No. It was like a not dense brownie. Yeah. It was not good for me. I'll say this trip to the Red Lobster, I liked my entree.

Yeah. Get into that a little bit. Yeah. Because we kind of skipped over that. Yeah. It was like too much noodle. And then the like garlic sauce was like a little too brothy for me. Okay.

But my lobster tails were very good. And then my scallops were like almost overdone, but they were good. And then the shrimp wasn't great. There was something off about that garlic shrimp tonight. Yeah. We were all kind of bummed with our shrimp in general. Yeah. The shrimp wasn't great.

And this was all you could eat shrimp fest. That was an option. So it was like if you're going to have that as an option it better be fucking good shrimp. Because I almost got the all you can eat shrimp and I would have been devastated if that was the shrimp that was served to me. A little bit shoddy. Shoddy shrimp tonight. It was shoddy shrimp tonight. Hashtag shoddy shrimp.

Hashtag shoddy shrimp. Tell us your shoddy shrimp stories. Overall kind of a let down I'd say. But let's get to our final scores on Red Lobster. So we'll go around. Oh boy. Nicole, we'll start with you give us your closing argument and then give us your rating of Red Lobster as a whole. Not just on this, is it?

Okay. On the order of one to five forks. One to five lobster claws. Oh, one to five lobster claws. I'm sorry. On the order of one to five lobster claws I'm including all of my childhood memories. All of the delicious meals I ate as a child. The birthday I spent alone in Ohio eating Red Lobster loving my life.

So I give it a five because this is just a blip on the Red Lobster journey. Right. I probably will never go back to Chattagona Park. What was it? Canoga Park. Canoga Park. I think I'll always go to the Inglewood one where the blacks are. That's where you guys wanted to go tonight because of my work.

I couldn't. Yeah, because you fucking worked where? North Hollywood? Yeah, I work in North Hollywood. I'm sorry. It's okay. It's not. I've gone to Canoga Park three times.

I want to go to a new Red Lobster next time. Go to the Inglewood one. I would like to go to Inglewood. I remember, I think it was a couple of months ago I went that I was wholeheartedly satisfied and happy. But I really liked that lobsterita. That was a nice touch. The Chatterby Biscuits tonight were great. I loved my lobster tails.

I will say the shrimps were not great. The scallops a little overcooked and then the dessert wasn't great. But Moody, let me have that glass for $10.25. I'll just get into it, I guess. And I want to say, Mitch, because last we've had some disputes over what our rating system should be. Nicole, what we're doing, since you don't listen to podcasts, we are going through and we're giving a different, an individual rating each week that we will total into a grand one out of five rating at the end for me and Mitch. So the first time we did Tines of a Fork, then the second time we did four out of four lobster claws

that would constitute a larger lobster claw. I don't think that makes any sense. So here's what I'm proposing. Today we do it out of... Shrimps? No, I'm going to say we do it out of Lobster's key buddy, its best friend, out of one to four ounces of melted butter. Neither of us had lobster today. All right, on a scale of one to four ounces of butter.

Yes. Melted butter. So this is, you know, my score is I'll chop up, you know, like say, I say three butter slices. I'll chop up three and put it in and melt it. And I got a lot of melted butter. Right. How's this all going to work when we put all these together at the end? It's going to be a big mess, actually.

Yeah, we'll figure it out. Well, tonight, I'm going to say this. The best thing for me was that was probably the drink, was probably the mango mai tai. It was a lackluster night besides that. Yeah. Another point that I didn't really make was that with the clam chowder, they serve crackers. What the fuck is that shit? You got to give me oyster crackers, which are...

Sultans versus... Sultans. You got to give me those little... And I think that's... You got to have oyster crackers with your soup. That's a good hashtag for that, because I truly want to know... We're going hashtag crazy tonight. I know, but this is something I want to know.

Saltines versus oyster crackers. Hashtag top cracker. Hashtag top cracker. You can't just have saltines in a clam chowder. You need the oyster crackers. It's essential. The chowder itself is not great. The shrimp was undercooked.

The mashed potatoes weren't good. The salad was maybe the other best thing that I had. The mozzarella sticks also not bad. They were pretty good. Yeah. They were pretty good. The guy who saved it all was probably Moody, our server. And you know what?

Also, fuck Donald Trump, because a guy like Moody has to go by the name Moody instead of Ahmed for the type of fear that a guy like Donald Trump brings on people like that. So that's fucked up. So I just want to say fuck Donald Trump again. Fuck Donald Trump. Fuck Donald Trump. You know, this is Spoon Man's coming out, because I get made fun of for being a bigot, which is insane.

You're taking a big political stance here. I'm taking a big political stance tonight. And finally, at the point where Donald Trump is certain to lose, you're finally saying fuck Donald Trump. I don't know. You don't think so? Honestly, literally, nothing has touched this man. I feel like this is the biggest outcry.

Right. Because he wanted to grab some woman's pussy. And I was like, but he has said awful things about Muslims, blacks, and Mexicans. And now that a white woman's offended, now he's terrible? Well, speaking for white people, what I can say is that Donald Trump's entire voting base is white people. I think that's why they're like, oh, this is crazy. He's going after us. I feel like that's where the revulsion is coming from.

And obviously, that's horrifying. That's the thing that's finally getting people pissed off. But I will say, as of this recording, his poll numbers have gone way down. Oh, have they? Yeah. He's down 14 to Hillary as of right now. Who knows where this will be by the time this episode comes out. Some crazy shit will probably happen.

My dad never liked him. I never liked him. He's a blowhard. My dad didn't like Donald Trump. He hated Donald Trump. My parents never had any thoughts about the man. My parents are both dead. And I think it would astound them if they came back to life.

And they're like, wait, this is it? This is what's happening? My dad would be angry for sure. And he feeds off people's fears. So that's just a side thing. Fuck Trump. But if you like Trump, also, keep listening to the podcast. No, you don't want those people to listen with their dirty ears.

Maybe we can change their minds. I don't know. Welcome all political perspectives. Okay. This is a place to celebrate cuisine. If you believe a little something differently and you reflect that in the ballot box, well, more power to you. Truly, that's my favorite sentence today.

This is a place to celebrate cuisine. Margaret just put a swat stick, a band on his arm. Wait a minute. Anyways, besides my political rant, from a man who is dumb, mind you. You're not dumb. Yeah. Fuck you, Wager. He never said you were dumb.

You said you were dumb. Fuck you, Wager. I am going to have to give tonight the red lobster its worst score of all. 1.5 ounces of melted butter. That's really low. Hurts my heart and my childhood. Sorry. Don't worry.

I've given it back. It wasn't honestly like it just wasn't great tonight. The shrimp wasn't cooked. There was so much. It was a little off and I think it's fair to judge a chain restaurant for being inconsistent because that's the thing they're supposed to deliver most of all is consistency across different locations. Yeah, it was a little let down. Lobsterita, a real treat.

I'm glad we both got that. Me too. Had a lot of fun. I feel like I should have just asked for the glass. But you were very bold to make that decision. I admire you for doing it. I don't have that kind of gumption or confidence. Mozzarella cheese sticks, pretty good.

I think they succeeded in the turf department and I was trying to go all turf. That's why I ordered the Cajun chicken linguine Alfredo. I ended up with the shrimp linguine Alfredo so it got a little awry. I'm not blaming Moody. I think he was confused. But the turf I thought was all successful. Good lobsterita. Good mozzarella cheese sticks.

Yeah, he was confused because we ordered something else and then I switched it up the last night. Relax, Trump. He wasn't that confused. Jesus Christ. You know what? While we're talking Trump, you mentioned your parents' taste for Trump. My mom emailed me. Well, I could not even watch last night's debate, but I did view a couple of exchanges via online videos.

Disgusting is instead enjoying designated survivor starring Kiefer Sutterland, guy from 24 on CBS. I think my dad would enjoy that if he was around. Yeah, that seems like a good parent show. The potato bacon soup, very good. Caesar salad, good. Alfredo was just gross. I didn't like it. Brownie, I think I would have liked that as a kid, but as an adult.

It was just like... It was a kid's dessert. It was a kid's dessert. That's what it was there for. That's 100% right. But overall, I'm not going to go as harsh as Mitch, but I'm going to go on that end of things. This individual visit was two ounces of melted butter, and I hate to give it, because I like the place. I'm rooting for it.

I'm rooting for it to come out in the Golden Plate Club, at least, at the end of this month. But I can't put a thumb on the scale that much. I have to reflect what our real experiences were, and we're all in agreement that this was not the greatest experience, despite a lot of fun with the company. What was your score? I didn't listen to you. Two. Jesus Christ.

Mitch. Two ounces of melted butter, you piece of shit. That was a discussion of Red Lobster. It's now time for regular segment, Last Meal. Nicole Beyer, you've been sentenced to death. So, Mitch? What did I do? Something sassy?

Mitch, what offense did Nicole... It's the year 2047. Oh, okay. You're doing well. You're doing great. Oh, thank you. Except the world is a mess. The clone of Nancy Reagan has become president.

Wow. And the world has become extremely immoral. People are running around, showing their genitals off to each other. Wait. Nancy Reagan famously of the Just Say No campaign. Yes. The very conservative. Her clone is a very different...

No, her clone is running right now. She's very upset. Oh, okay. She's very upset the world has become immoral. Okay. Because of Hillary Clinton's presidency. Okay. Anyways, people are running around, showing their genitals to each other.

Okay. Oh, my God. But what did I do? Nancy Reagan says, we gotta put an end to this. We're gonna go back. And I'm gonna sentence everyone who's ever appeared on MTV to death. Oh, no. Wow.

That's right. They've already loaded up puck. He's gone. Anyone who looks like Daria gets taken off in a train. Oh, no. Mike Judge has been strung up and cut open for everyone to see. It's brutal. That's terrible.

And Nicole, you are finally hunted down by Reagan's... The Reagan bots, whatever. Okay. Nancy Reagan has a team of robots. That's right. It's 2047. It's fine. They're called the Reagan bots.

The Reagan bots got me. And she has decided that you're gonna be sentenced to death. Mm-hmm. And the way that you're gonna be killed is they're gonna put you in an outhouse. Oh, no. They like the Jackass movie and catapult you into the sky. Oh, no. And you will drown in the poo, the feces.

Wait, they did that in that movie? I've never seen it. They haven't seen any of the Jackasses? No. Oh, they're really funny. I did see Dirty Grandpa. Okay, it's the same thing. Three shits on the wall.

That was very funny. Yeah, they made me laugh really hard. You would like the Jackass movies. They are very funny. They make me laugh out loud more than a lot of movies. They make me laugh very hard. The corpse of Steve-o is in this outhouse and you're next. But you do have one last meal.

Okay. You can have anything you want from any time period, past, present, future, whatever meal you'd like. Okay. Any food. Any beverage. Okay. Well, I think my beverage would probably be vodka and strawberry soda.

Because I love strawberry soda. I would get ooey gooey butter cake ice cream from Ample Hills Creamery in Brooklyn, New York. Nice. Very specific choice. It's literally the best ice cream you can ever have. You should do an ice cream week. Because you can get ice cream sent to you.

So you can do it. You don't even have to leave your house. You can get a ship from there. Yeah. It's very expensive. And then I would have... I could go back in time and get food. Is that what you said?

It doesn't matter. Anything you want. Okay. My mom's mac and cheese is very, very fucking good. So I would get that. When I was little, I used to like to eat pound cake, specifically from this woman named Miss Odessa. So I get Miss Odessa's pound cake.

Hey, I'm made by my Aunt Bertha. And then vanilla ice cream. Because I like to eat that together, which is so gross. But it's really good. I would get a steak from this restaurant here called Pacific Dining Cart. Oh yeah. Pacific Dining Cart. Very good steak.

I think that's it. Oh no. There's this lady that I also grew up with who made like fucking sweet potatoes. That's what it was called, but it was just like it had marshmallows on top. Oh yeah. Brown sugar. I think that's it. That's quite...

What a great... That's one of the best answers we've ever had. Very comprehensive. Very specific. It was great. A bunch of things that sound very tasty. And Nicole, you have this last meal and then I have some very encouraging news for you. Hey, wait a minute.

Don't I do this? I have an angle here. Hold on. I did too. You do it. No, no, no. Let's hear yours first. I'll do mine and then we can do yours and we'll just edit out whichever one we like.

No. We'll keep them both in. Okay, we'll keep them both in. Here's my... I was just... And then we're just riffing. I mean, you took me by surprise. Let's hear it.

So you eat this meal. You're absolutely full. You're ready to make peace with God and meet your maker. When suddenly the Reagan bots are unable to harm you because they are Westworld robots. They cannot harm humans. What a twist. So you escape to safety and help to usher in another era of immorality, topple Nancy Reagan's clone's presidency, and instill Hillary Clinton's clone for another term.

And she's smoking. Here's my ending. Okay. You're sitting there ready. You just finished this delicious meal. You're sitting there and you've come at peace with death. But suddenly you hear chopper sound and it comes down. It's the TRL helicopter.

Carson Daly and Kurt Loder jump out. And Carson Daly sacrifices himself and is overtaken by the Reagan bots as Kurt Loder brings you on to the helicopter, which is flown by Whoopie herself. Oh, that's pretty good. That is good. And then you join the fight, like the end of Terminator 2. You're like the new Sarah Connor and you're going to take down. I have seen that.

There you go. You landed on a reference. That was last meal. Just like a restaurant. We value your feedback. Let's open up the feedback. Today's email comes to us from Carissa Gravel. Carissa writes, keeping it pithy.

You've covered multiple establishments that serve breakfast, but always cover only lunch slash dinner items. I'm curious to know your go to fast food breakfast order. Nicole, what's your breakfast situation? Are you a breakfast every day? Are you someone who skips it? I usually skip breakfast. Okay.

But if I don't eat fast food anymore, but when I did, I loved hash browns from McDonald's. Oh yeah, so good. I can eat them by the bucket full. I also love a good bacon egg and cheese on a bagel or like a roll. Right. Mmm. Pancakes. Not from fast food, but like at a restaurant.

Yeah. I'll do pancakes. I've gotten the McDonald's pancakes before in it. They're not bad. Those flapjacks are very pretty good. To me, they're not worth buying at McDonald's. Right. We should have a sandwich and a fucking hash brown.

Yeah. There's diners everywhere. It feels like if you're going to get something at McDonald's like a McMuffin or something a little better. Mitch, you got a preference for fast food breakfast? Fast food breakfast. Okay. Also, by the way, Nicole pushes the clone Nancy rake it into the outhouse and she shoots

up in the air or something. I don't know. I was trying to add more to my story. She pushes her into the outhouse and then a T-rex eats her. And Nicole goes, hey, look, it's Jeff Goldblum. And she wins the robots over. Right. Maybe I should just let your Westworld story.

I liked it. It was a good callback. I'm sorry, Mitch. We don't have to judge them. Oh. I come up with these fucking things on the spot. And then why are all of a sudden says, hey, I got an in here and he fucking tells his better story.

No, it was fine. Everything was great. Everything was great. Edit me out of this. No, don't. Don't edit it out. Leave them both in. The guest has spoken.

Mine had Kurt Loder and whoopee, whatever. So my favorite fast foods, I mean, listen, I love the Egg McMuffin. It's great. And I agree with it, the hash browns are for McDonald's. They usually hurt my stomach a little bit. I think any sort of like, I used to like the big breakfast for McDonald's, which was like scrambled eggs and it even had like maybe sausage or maybe bacon in a pancake. It did like a whole kind of run of everything.

Here's the deal. I'm going to like a restaurant and I'm getting breakfast. I'm an Eggs Benny man. I love the Eggs Benny. I love Eggs Benedict. But if it's fast food breakfast, my favorite is probably, let's see if this counts, Dunkin' Donuts. Absolutely can't.

Okay. What do you get at Dunkin' Donuts? I'm going to do like a bacon, egg and cheese on a plain bagel or an onion bagel. Sure. Or maybe a ham, egg and cheese on a plain bagel. Or you know what, sometimes I can't do it from there. It has to be from like a bodega. Okay.

Interesting. Or you know what, their croissants are really good, the croissants with the breakfast sandwiches I like. Yeah, I do. I agree with you. And actually I would put Dunkin' Donuts is one of my favorite fast food breakfasts. I think they're breakfast sandwiches and then they're little hash brown bites. Very tasty.

And if you're ever craving a donut too, it'll get the job done. I don't think Dunkin' Donuts donuts are their strong suit. I think their breakfast sandwiches are better. You know what, I think we haven't ever officially reviewed Dunkin' Donuts. We got to do it at some point. You should. We got to do it at some point. Those munchkins.

I think you're nervous about it. It's a big one for me. You're uneasy. Why is it a big one for you? You love it? I love it. I'm going back to the birthplace at Dunkin' Donuts Quincy in just a couple of days. Did you know there's Dunkin' Donuts here now?

There is not. I barely ever go. There's one on Hollywood and Vine. I know. It's so close. I just sleep. I don't do breakfast that. I don't do breakfast.

Me either. I got to sleep. And then if I do do breakfast, I never will be, should be eating Dunkin' Donuts. But I do like Dunkin' Donuts coffee. Yeah. Let me show you that. I would say, I would say if we're talking about fast food breakfast, staying in the scope of a question, I'm very much an egg dish guy.

Sometimes I'll like a donut, but I'm very much an egg dish guy. So yeah, I would say probably, actually the sausage McMuffin is usually my go-to at McDonald's. Sometimes I get a bacon egg and cheese biscuit because I like that biscuit texture. That's going to give you a case of the Rumblies. Yeah. I'll give me a Rumblies sometimes, and a large coffee, and the hash brown McDonald's hash browns.

I agree. 100%. The best. But I like Dunkin' Donuts a lot, and I'll also throw in my pal Del Taco. They've got some good breakfast. Your pal. They serve it. They have very charitable breakfast hours.

Sometimes they'll start at late at night, and they'll serve it until like 11 a.m. And they had, I remember when I used to have a lot less money, the budget-friendly just basic egg breakfast burrito. It's just egg and cheese and sauce, and it was super cheap, and it was very good, and you get that in a coffee, and that'll fill you up in the morning. So yeah, I think there's some good options out there. The thing is, it's like, I think you guys are right in terms of, if you don't regularly eat breakfast, maybe don't go out of your way to eat the fast food breakfast, right?

Because what are you doing? You're just contributing calories. There he goes. He's lecturing me again. But I'm not lecturing you. No, I was saying that you were making the right decision in your life. Why are just his legs in his arms? They just both went out.

Like a fucking muppet. Oh my God. I'm so worn out. I'm completely on fumes. Well, we've got good news for you, buddy. Who was trying to say the fucking episode's over. Yeah, the episode's over. Finally, mercifully, everyone listening to this has just been trying to get through it

just to check off a box during their week. It's my podcast of two hosts that don't want to do it. You don't want to eat the meals. You don't want to be here. It's so funny to me. I can like feel my circulation. I'm running on fumes. Like my circulation is bad.

I can feel my circulate like my blood is slowly. I feel like I've been pumped with a lot of salt. I think that's right. That could be what it is. Because I try to not eat so much, so I'm trying so hard to not be fat, but I'm so still fat. You look great. Amen to that.

Thank you. I'm with you. You look great. It's so hard. It's hard. Once you're fat, it's so hard not to be. Nick, you're very lucky you're not fat. Anymore.

I used to be a heavier guy. Wait, you used to be fat? Yeah, I used to be. I used to be about 40 pounds heavier. Really? Yeah. And I lost that weight. I lost that weight in like 2010, 2011.

I've been able to mostly keep it off, but it's an ongoing struggle and it's not fun. And anyone out there who struggles with their weight, I empathize with it. How did you do it? For me, it was almost all diet, and I was just very, very strict about not getting distracted with exercise, but just controlling my caloric intake. Sure. Okay. And so for me, it was just basically like a super strict thing of like I cut out my drinking

and I'm a very heavy drinker, I wasn't drinking, and then I was also limiting like any consumption of carbohydrates and sugars. It was kind of like in 2010, this was like low carb was a bigger fad than it is now, or things have shifted a little bit, although people still try to be carb conscious, I think. But yeah, that went a long way, just like not eating bread, not eating sugars, and just focusing on like vegetables and proteins, basically. It was a very boring diet, but I kept it up for about a year and it worked out. Yeah, really interesting.

I think I'm going to fucking pass on that one. That's honestly, I think the main problem with dieting psychologically is that it just gets so boring and becomes such a chore. And you know, for people like us who enjoy eating, it's like an escape from the drudgery of life, right? And so when that's no longer a pleasure, it's just such a slut. I'll fucking stop talking. I thought you were having a moment.

No, it was nice. It was nice. No, because eating healthy is either too boring or too hard. Right. I have like a bunch of recipes that this woman sent me that I'm like, this is, I'll never make this. It's too much work. It's too much work.

You're going to a trainer. I'm going to a trainer. I haven't been in a month. Go back. Is it good to tell you this on me? I know. I know. I'm supposed to go tomorrow.

Go for it. There's no better time than to sort of clean the slate after a big indulgent red lobster meal. Go out to that trainer. Give it your best shot. What a way to wrap it all up. Give it your best shot. Give it your best shot.

What? I'm trying to be encouraging. I'm running on fumes. Give it your best shot. I don't fucking care. I got to try back to Sarah Monaca. Look, I have trouble understanding what my voice is conveying. I'm trying, like I'm trying, like I have trouble communicating certain emotions through

my voice. I think I'm saying one thing. I got a quick question for you. It's not that. Wait, did you... Are you from Westworld? Did you meet your wife when you were fat? Because I'm not your wife at all.

Yes. I was heavier then when we were dating initially. Was she mad when you lost weight? No, I don't think she was attracted to a chubby hubby. I think she was... She maybe thought it was chunky hunky, but was fine for me to slim down. God damn it. You're like the lame Crypt Keeper.

All right, if you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at doboyspotgessageemail.com. Check out our Facebook page, Do Boyz. Follow us on Twitter at Do BoyzPot. Subscribe and rate us on iTunes. Nicole Byer, thank you so much for going to Red Lobster with us. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you for my food and my cup.

Of course. I can't wait to drink out of that cup at home. Send us a pic. You are the funniest. Do you have anything you'd like to plug at this time? Yes. I'm on a show on MTV called Loosely Exactly Nicole. It is a scripted show loosely based on my life, Monday's 10.30 MTV.

Check it out. Awesome. Check that out. That'll do for this episode of Do Boyz. Until next time, for The Spoonman, I'm Mitchell. I'm Nick Weigar. Happy eating. See ya.

Darryl Audio.