Doughboys - Rocklobsterfest: Red Lobster 4 with Sean Clements & Hayes Davenport

Episode Date: October 27, 2016

For the finale of Mitch and Wiger's monthlong tour of Red Lobster, they team up with another podcasting duo: Sean Clements and Hayes Davenport, the hosts of Hollywood Handbook. The four discuss the business side of podcasting, Sean's snack related marriage proposal, and Red Lobster's worth versus New England seafood. Plus, a Tom Cruise edition of Dinner and a Movie.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When he fucked me good, I take his Asta Red Lobster. Those are the visceral lyrics sung by Beyoncé in Formation, the first single from her 2016 album Lemonade which he performed at the Super Bowl 50 halftime show. This horned-up shout-out from America's most beloved contemporary musician Rocket launched the seafood chain into the zeitgeist. Bloomberg reported restaurant sales jumped by double digits the same week. Forced by the pressures of social media to comment, he had hamstrung by the overt sexuality of the lyric, the brand tamely tweeted in response, Cheddar Bay Biscuits, spelled B-E-Y,

has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Which was met with crickets. Before 40 years before Queen B's profane tribute to America's biggest fish eatery, five Georgia musicians came into Formation as a surf music-inspired act called the B-52s. Two years later, they'd make their imprint on pop culture with their breakout single about the arthropod delicacy. As frontman Fred Schneider sang in a comparatively PG-verse, we were at a party. As earlobe fell in the deep, someone reached in and grabbed it.

It was a rock lobster. This week on Doughboys, the conclusion of Rock Lobster Fest, our month-long review of Red Lobster. Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. We're a part of FarrellAudio.com. I'm Nick Weigar, alongside my co-host, Brozy O'Donnell, Mike Mitchell, the Spoon Man. Pretty clever, that one's courtesy of Miles Dernbos, and if you've got a roast you'd like me to use on Mitch at the top of the show, roastspoonman at gmail.com.

Miles, what? Dernbos? Yeah, sounds like a new, it's a Rogue One character. Yeah, it's a name from Middle Earth. It's working for Miles. Thanks for the roast, buddy. Thanks, Miles. Wait, no, fuck you, Miles.

I guess it's what I should say. Uh, howdy ho to Spoon Nation. I'm sick. That sounded disgusting. It sounded fine. Howdy ho. Whatever. Here we go.

Drop. Let's get this motherfucker off. Howdy ho. Howdy ho. Howdy ho. Howdy ho. I like carbon pumpkins. I like caramel apples.

I like, you know, aiming to. I like carbon pumpkins, I like caramel apples, I like, you know, aiming to abduct women and then wear their skin as my clothes. I like carbon pumpkins, I like caramel apples, I like, you know, to camp out in front of the tank in hopes that some of these, these lobsters would get it off. Well, another one. That's pretty much our attitude toward this podcast at this point. Just kind of our general governing energy.

There's another one. That was Tom Buckles. Twitter is at super hit, super hit tops. Super hit ops. Now Mitch, you're a little under the weather right now. You're powering through it. I couldn't do, I couldn't do a howdy ho. Right.

And it's not, it's not food related. You just. Man, everyone's gonna be so dissapugged. I got some bug. Yeah, that's for sure. Some sort of bug. I got, I got bit by some bug and I feel sick. I don't know what, I don't know what it is.

You don't mean you got bit by a literal bug. It's like some creepy crawling. I don't know. That could have been how I got to how I'm feeling. You don't know if it's, I could have gotten bit by a bug, possibly, right? I guess. I don't know where my mic is going. Like you have Lyme disease?

I mean, maybe I have Lyme disease. All right. That's my armchair diagnosis. All right. We'll feel better. Fuck you. I'm in a bad mood this episode. Did you, like, but it's not the, it's not the meal that we had.

No. Because usually when you're feeling bad, it's because you've had a big, intelligent meal. No, I mean, like, I'm secretly very happy that, that another thing is done. Yeah, right. And then I mean, like, is it ever done? You know? What? The podcast?

Is it ever done? We could end it. Yeah. We should. I want to talk about some news this week, the Nintendo Switch. Right. There's a video for the new Nintendo Switch. Yeah.

It just came out this past weekend. You're not that excited about it. I'm not sold on it. I feel like Nintendo's past few consoles have been misfires. I feel like since the GameCube, they haven't really gotten it right. They had a big breakout hit with the Wii, but that was basically based on the gimmick of two games, Wii Sports and Wii Fit, and everything else they finished in third place and in their generation.

I think you're being a little bit pessimistic, honestly. I think I'm being realistic. I hope the Switch succeeds. I want Nintendo to succeed, but I feel like they're not really paying attention to where hardware trends are going and that more people are not playing games on mobile video game systems. They're playing them on tablets or they're playing them on phones. Yeah.

I think you're wrong about that. I think... The numbers bear that out. People aren't buying PSP Vitas. They're just playing games on their phones. Yeah, but I know. Of course people play, but I don't think that that's going to end console gaming. I don't know if it's necessarily going to end console gaming, but it's put a stake in

the heart of mobile gaming, which is half of their concept. Our guests are walking out the door. You brought up the Nintendo Switch. You knew I'd get riled up. Are you excited about the Halloween coming up or what? No, I don't give a shit. You don't give a shit about Halloween? No, I don't care.

What? It's too scary. It's boring. It's for kids. I don't like dressing up. Hold on a second. What are your issues with Halloween? Is that it's too scary?

It's too scary. I don't like being scared. I don't like dressing up. I don't want to wear a costume. I'm glad that the kids have fun, but it's just not for me. What are some of your favorite scary movies? We had this discussion last time. I told you Silence of the Lambs.

Wait, this is discussion like three podcasts ago. That's what the drop was referencing, me talking about Silence of the Lambs. Another one indeed. Well, what about Children of Men? The movie Children of Men? Yeah. I don't know if that's a scary movie. I figured it would be scary for you.

Why is that? It's a world without children. Oh, okay. I get what you're implying. Let's move past this bullshit. Let's introduce our guests. They're the hosts of the hit podcast Hollywood Handbook on Ear Wolf, Sean Clementson, Hayes Davenport.

Hi, guys. Oh, hi, guys. It's so nice to be here and to see up close what the dynamic is, because you don't always get a sense when you're just listening. I feel like you guys have the same attitude about our podcast that we do, where it should just be over. We should call quits. Well, that's on our corner a little bit.

We talk about our podcast ending almost every week now, where we threaten it for it to be the last one. It's sort of become a running joke. We do like it, and we do want to keep, yeah, genuinely want to keep doing it. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah, we've sort of been watching you guys.

We see ourselves in you in a way, but a little less successful on the just, like... Yeah. I mean, I just, for my part, I'm just going to listen tonight. Hear, ignore me. I just want to see what happens in here, because, obviously, we're hoping to emulate some of this on our show and try to draw in some of the fan base. So many, like for example, just already, so many engagement opportunities that we don't have.

Well, you guys seem to like each other, right? More than Wyger and I like each other? Yeah, we do like each other. Is that our problem? That could be it. Yeah, you got to start disliking each other, I guess, a little bit more. I'm a very cranky baby and I'll get mad at Hayes and sort of blow up and then he just sort of lets it roll off of him and then calm down and then I'll act like it didn't happen.

Wyger is more of the cranky, I'd say you're more cranky. I don't know if I'm more cranky. You complain more. You have more general complaints about the world. Yeah, but I'm kind of like the fun baby and you're the cranky baby. The fun baby? Yeah, the fun baby. I thought about the dinosaur baby last week, not the mama one, but I'm saying I'm the

fun baby. I might cause trouble, but I'm fun. Which yes, which baby is everyone? I'm the baby's day out, baby. I cause issues, but I'm a good dime. When we met last night to eat, I said to Nick right away because Hayes was running 10 minutes late and I said, no one should be surprised that Hayes is 10 minutes late. I said, you probably think that Hayes is the Nick and I'm the Mitch.

But in fact, it's probably reversed. In terms of being on time, this is actually a great way to highlight the difference between us because Sean was late tonight and all I did was dutifully cover for him and didn't bring up any over-arching theory about his lateness. It's just that I don't draw attention to this stuff. I mean, this is my friend. I like my friend. Yeah.

And so that's why you will not ever succeed. It's always a power play with me. I'm always looking for an angle. Can I take advantage of this moment? Hayes isn't here. Can I sell him out? And then when he gets here, just play it cool. I appreciated you selling him out actually.

I'm still so shocked it took us this long to get on here. We're thrilled to have you. Oh my God. But I mean, I pick up the phone every week when you guys come out with a new episode and I don't want to say any specific names, but sometimes I'm like, come on. Okay. We've had a lot of wonderful guests that we've had. Yeah, you've had a lot of wonderful, really good ones, but you've had more episodes than

you've had good guests. Okay. That's all I'm going to say. I don't agree with that. Do they hate their fans? Their fans are begging them to have us on the show. Why are they avoiding it so hard? Sometimes I'll be like, I didn't do anything last week.

And then this is who they got that they didn't ask me. Well, I go by, I got like a good guest for this week. I'm like, who is he? He's like, this guy, man. Okay. Wait, hold on. Hold on. What are you just saying?

So if a guest is one of my friends, they can listen to this exchange and know that you think that they were not worthy of being on the podcast because they were my idea, not your idea. That's not true. I think some of your friends I've said, let's have your friend on. Your friend who I like. What are you talking about? I'm trying to make it seem like I'm not saying that.

Yeah. Like you're not saying what you just did. No, I like some of those. I like all of our guests. Yeah. This puts it in a good area where definitely there's at least one of your friends Mitch doesn't like. Right.

But all of your friends can think it's probably the other friend. Right. Right. Right. No, I think we've had a lot. I think I'm happy with all our guests. I know what you guys are saying. You're saying ingest.

It's part of the Hollywood Handbook persona of you guys sort of approaching this whole podcasting scene as a leadess. I understand that that's where that's coming from. But I love all I love everyone that we've had in the podcast to gab about grub. Oh, you're such a fucking coward. I'm not. What? I'm going to go out and say like one of our guests sucked.

I'm not going to say that. It's not even that they suck. It's just like that you didn't ask us before like we should be higher on the list than some of these guests. So this is the thing. I think you're applying a hierarchy to the order of the guests, whereas maybe we're saving a prime episode, a prime piece of real estate for you guys to come on. Like the climactic episode of a great promotion that everyone's been listening to.

We called it a promotion last night too. Is this paid? No, it's not. It's not added content. It's not branded content. Yeah, that was. It is not branded content. Why not a promotion?

No. The dough boys can't be bought. It's a promotion from the standpoint of it being a dough boys promotion. Does Mitch not know that you have these like corporate relationships? Yeah. I have any revenue that has come from this podcast, which isn't very much. I have split with Mitch, even though he has no idea like what's going on with the books here.

I've never gotten a cent from this show. What about merch sales? It's more on the merch sales. That's true. Yeah, we've never actually. What is the financial structure of the show? In terms of how like we don't know. We actually don't know.

We have no idea. Okay. We haven't actually been paid for the show, but we've gotten money off of merch that we've produced. Yeah. But supposedly there's money is changing hands, we're recording ads. I'll sell it. I'll sell the podcast.

You've offered to sell it for a staggeringly low amount in the past. Yeah. Airwolf, I think is fair. It's just a flat dollar a download. Dollar a listen. Sorry. Not a download. A dollar a listen.

Just like per listen. Just like straight up $1. Because I think they make like two bucks off it. That sounds economically unsustainable. Yeah. No, no. It's great for them because we get $1 and they get one basically. People pay two bucks to listen to a podcast ultimately.

Whether it's with the products they buy or whatever. I think it's $1 per ear that hears it. Yeah. So wait, oh wait. So if you're wearing headphones, is that two bucks? Oh yeah. That's what they were just saying. Oh, okay.

So wait, so if you're listening, if you're saying if you're listening with one ear, it's only a dollar? Yeah, that's right. But you're not going to get the same quality. Yeah. If you really want to crack up at some of Hayes' stuff, sometimes he kind of plays to one side of life. I do sort of a stereo.

Yeah, exactly. Like a pink, you guys have a Pink Floyd thing going on. Every once in a while, I'll play two characters and jump between different, anyway. I feel like, I was going to say that, I wonder how people would feel about the inner work of the podcast. But I feel like people probably do the, I think the people who are insane enough to listen to this podcast probably are interested in the breakdown of how a podcast works. Yeah, some people like a peek behind the curtain sometimes.

I don't know. I just don't have any. I don't have any use in that way. But I don't have any particularly, no, I don't have any particularly good insight is the thing. Like I don't really know. I can't offer anything about the machinations of things here because I just don't know. And then Nick thinks that I'm just going to let it go.

But how much are you selling the t-shirts for? How much goes to you? We sold the shirts through the site Teespring. Teespring, yeah. Have you guys used Teespring? No, no. I'm a fan, though. Yeah, so they, we sold through the site Teespring.

I'm bringing up the website, but I don't know the exact, I don't know the per-unit amount that we get, but the shirts sell I think for $19.99 and then they'll sell a certain amount and then we get a, maybe 40% of that, I don't know. We don't get like a huge, and then we kick back some of that to our designer, Chris Fenard Stalen, who made our logo because he deserves to share the wealth. Perfect. It's not a gigantic amount of money. I don't think Chris should get a penny.

I think, I think actually all the profit should come to me. No show with that. Let's put it this way. There's a show without Chris, right? Yeah. Look, I'm sure he's a great guy. He is a great guy. Sorry, Chris, you're cut out.

Seems like a sweetheart, but you could do the show without him, but without Mitch, who even shows up when he's sick and even shakes the guest's hands when he's sick. That's true, he did do that. I shook both of your hands and I told you, you know what I should have done? I should have lied and said that I wasn't sick. You would have found out on the podcast. I did literally wash my hands both times before I shook your hands. Yeah, and it's not an internal sickness.

The sickness is something that got on your hands that had to be washed off. And now I'm remembering that Mitch shook my hand and then I went straight to the bathroom and look, the next thing I touch was my penis. I'll say it. Oh, hey. I'm not that kind of sick, so there shouldn't be anything going on down there. By contrast, I didn't shake either of your guys' hands because I'm a weird standoffish man.

Oh, I don't know about that, and you don't think so? You're pleasant. You did do it. I'm strange, physical, half stand up. He got into a comfortable, what I think is a comfortable mode for him, which is his legs went completely stiff. I've got my legs outstretched and I'm crossing them. Nick, how does your standoffishness impact others in your life?

Because I know that I'm considered very frosty. Okay. And it comes up a lot. I've said this many times, but most of the speeches at my wedding were about how no one can tell if I like them or not, and from all of my wife's friends and my own. Does that happen to you, or do people think you like them because you're so well-practiced in your manners? I think people think I'm private.

I think that comes up like, oh, he's very private. That's better than what I have going on. But I think there are some other people who think I'm aloof, or I'm not sure if I'm using that word correctly. No, you are. Yeah. You did just, you got married. I think that was a big one.

You got married and then you told people you just got married. Right, we eloped. You eloped. Yeah. And we got, we had a wedding with just the two of us and a radio DJ preacher in Las Vegas, and then we came back home and told everybody. I actually kind of liked that. I think that's good.

It was fun. It was a good way to do it for the two of us. If you were to get married again, would you invite me to the wedding? Am I going to get married again? No, I mean, I'm saying, if you guys want to renew your vows. Dare you. Yes, I didn't. No.

I didn't mean it like that. I know, I know what you meant. That's his wife. Mitch has joked before about stealing my wife. Yeah, constantly I joke about stealing. I mean, for... That's just like a running thing you do. Well, that's available to you at any time, am I correct, Mitch?

He means stealing in the sense that a blue-dough steals olive oil from Popeye. Hold on a second, I'm going to put her over my shoulder and run away with her. Right. No, she would come to me. If you were to renew your vows, you would have me, right? I think if we had a proper wedding, of course I'd invite you, an important person in my life. Do you think I could be like your best man?

I mean, I don't know. I don't have any close friends, so maybe. Man, that's pathetic. I guess it would probably be my brother or my dad. Oh yeah, yeah, I guess those two went out. I don't know, who else? Who else is on that text message chain we've got? Armin?

I'd ask Armin. Oh my God. No, no, I only know Armin kind of well, but we both like the late version. I think Armin would be a great best man. He'd be a good best man. Let's talk about food. That's why we're here. Yeah.

Okay. So, we want to get to Red Lobster, but before that, I was just curious. You guys are Hollywood guys, and you know, I know a little bit. That's fake. Okay, fine. But you're very much in the industry like we are. That's fake. That's like if we went on a podcast and they were like, you guys are dough guys.

No, if they were like you guys are food guys, they'd be like, yeah, that's the world we live in. Yeah, okay. That would make you a little bit like, oh boy, more of this food stuff. Fine, we won't talk about it. No, ask the question. No, ask the question. I don't want to.

I want to hear the question. I don't want to ask about it. I'm not going to answer it, but I got to hear it now. It's a dumb question. This is my favorite episode so far. I love, I love what's happening with Liger. I was just going to ask your guys favorite movie snacks. We don't have to talk about it.

Okay, so I will get popcorn. You've probably heard of it. And my wife gets caramel corn. And then what I do is I take a big heap and a handful of caramel corn, put it in the popcorn. Oh, that's fun. And then I shake it up. Is this arc light?

Are you talking about? Yeah, it's arc light. It's the only place I go. Arc light is the only place you go. No, I went to the Grove last week. This is a, I mean, this is a great segue to like one of your best stories. Maybe you've told it on too many podcasts already. No, what?

How I propose? A movie snack food story? So do you know, do you guys know how I propose to my wife? I don't know the story. So we go to the arc light basically every Saturday, as often as we can, and she always gets a tub of the caramel popcorn. And so I decided I was going to propose to her and I had bought the ring. And I was like, oh, well, I'm going to, I'm going to put the ring in the caramel popcorn.

And so I, she had seen the trailer for the movie sex tape and said that she wanted to see it. And of course, this was around Oscar time. So a lot of movies you can't propose in, like you can't propose in the movie boyhood. Right. Yeah. Oh, yeah. If someone was proposing while I was trying to watch boyhood, I would start booing them

out of there. I want to see that little boy. You got to see that boy and become a man. So because life is like that. But so anyway, so she had said she wanted to see sex tape, which I was kind of surprised by, but also was like, yeah, it's a comedy. There's not any comedies out right now. We'll go.

We'll have fun. So I've got the whole plan and she calls me that day and is like, I don't want to go. Oh, no. I just read a review and they didn't like it. And you had asked me already if you should do it and I said no. Yes. Hey said no. A couple other people said no, that it wasn't a good idea.

So I was like, maybe this is bailing me out. And then I was like, nah, fuck it. We are going. And she's like, all right. And I was like, come on, we'll go. We'll go to the movie. We'll go to the movie. What are we going to do?

We're going to go to the movies. So then we went. You know, we got the popcorn. I did a move, which is like she was killing the caramel corn. Oh, because we also, she was like, she was like, I'm not going to get the caramel corn. She was like, this movie, we're not going to like the movie. It's not worth the calories for me or whatever. Oh, no.

All of a sudden I was like, this is the first time she's ever brought this up. So I go, okay, well, I'm sorry I'm making this story so long. Edit this later. This can be my time. So anyway, I get the popcorn, we go in, she's like eating, and then like as the trailer is running, she's like, I'm not going to touch this for a little while. And I put the lid back on the popcorn and I put the ring in and I move it over next to me.

And then about an hour into the movie, I open it back up, take a handful of popcorn and eat it. Good move. And she hears that. She reaches over, grabs the ring, takes it out, goes, what is this? And I was like, what do you mean? She goes, what the fuck is this? And I go, I'm trying to watch the movie.

And she goes, no, what is this? And I go, babe, they're about to explain what the cloud is. Did you not talk to me during the movie? And then now she's really curious and I was like, well, you know, like basically like if you want to get married, let's go outside. And then we like walked out and then I got down and did like a formal proposal. But anyway, I've posed her in the movie sex tape at the ArcGlade Theater with the popcorn. So that's a snack story.

That's a great tale. And I'm sorry it was so long, you guys. There is a shorter version of the problem. When Hayes said that tell that story, it made me think like it's not really a story. It's just like I did this. Yeah, right. And then I tried to make it into a story and added beats to it and it didn't work. Yeah, it was me.

You're right. It was my fault. No, it's not. That's not what I'm saying. No, see, this happened on our podcast too. He said a comment and he got you in your head. I thought it was a great story. I thought it was great.

A boyhood version of the story. Extended. We got to see everything that was going on. Yeah. That little slice of life with you. Congratulations to you guys. It was too long, but I thought the story was perfect. So I just want to say that that doesn't work for me.

Okay. Yeah, your version doesn't work for me. It's like an edited down boyhood. Like a tighter boyhood. Yeah, but I didn't like boyhood either. Okay. It's like a dazed and confused. Right.

I like dazed and confused. And it's short. Yeah. It's like a dazed and confused. How long is dazed and confused? What's the runtime of that? I don't know, like 90 minutes or something? You think it's 90 minutes?

I feel like it's not like 120. 97 minutes. Do you guys know what's your estimation of the runtime of dazed and confused? Yeah. 105. Yeah, that sounds more like it. It sounds closer than 90. Hey, if you know the running time for dazed and confused, hashtag dazed and not confused.

Right. Oh, God. Engagement and opportunities. Smart. It's really smart. Let's get into Red Lobster. Boy. Wait, before we get into Red Lobster, quickly.

Matt Koalak was on the podcast before. And he told a story where he went on a, you brought up Beyonce in the opening. In the intro, yeah. He told a story where he went on a date with Beyonce. Right. In high school, he went to the, he's from Houston, Texas, where Beyonce is from. He went to the same high school as Beyonce and went on a day date with her to Cold Stone Creamery. What?

Now, my question is, there's four of us here. Each of us gets 25%. How much? You can either write, say 25 or zero. I'm saying- I'm a woman? No, no, no, no, no. I'm saying what percentage of that story is true?

Because I want, because my vote for it is zero percent. You think zero percent is true? Out of my 25%, I say zero percent. I'm going to say, I think it's mostly true. I'm going to say 20%. 20%? I think it was a group outing. Whatever percentage that is, I think it was-

That's like 15th. I'd say 12.5. That's like a half tree. Oh. Tell me the story again. 25%. Yeah. Okay, got it.

Matt Kovalik has claimed to go on a date with Beyoncé at a Cold Stone Creamery. I think she didn't think it was a date. Yeah, right. I mean, that's all. I think that like, they went to Cold Stone Creamery together and he thought this is a date and he still thinks this is a date and it never entered her mind. Yeah. Oh, then that is almost that.

I mean, I would say that's true. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Well, he believes he's telling the truth. And then if you asked Beyoncé, would you ever like, did you go on a date with this guy? She was like, no, he was like helping me with my homework. In my memory, this is a weird thing. Cold Stone showed up like in my town or whatever.

Like when I was in high school, I think I'm a little younger than he is. And then definitely than Beyoncé is. Yeah. And so I would almost challenge it on the- The timeline doesn't work. It's an acronism. But also, but wait, you're from Boston, right? Yeah.

So, I mean, I don't know where it started. This is your corner, so. I just know, I remember there was a Cold Stone. I saw a Cold Stone in 1999 in Southern California. So I think that lines up with Koalic's timeline. Okay. When I first saw Cold Stone, it blew my mind. But also, other people were much more familiar with Cold Stone.

Right. I remember like people were like, yeah, you don't know about Cold Stone? And for me, that was probably around, you know, like I was like 20 or something. And they would have gone maybe when it was new. Yeah. I gotta say, the only way we'll find out Koalic has to call into the show. He's not gonna come back as a guest again. Sorry, Koalic, you're done.

And two, I think people get too excited by Cold Stone Creamery. Yeah. Just in general. Why do you get so excited that they put it out on a slab, on a cold slab? This isn't as even- I don't know the people. You're welcome to do it. But this is kind of a disease.

If there's any disease. Yeah. I mean, I've seen them do it as both disease and as Randy. Yeah. And I know Yang listens to the show, so there is a chance it could get back to disease if you want to continue with this Cold Stone. I just, I don't know why people are so excited by the, putting the ice cream on the slab, on a cold slab.

Do you want to do his bit about like the senator in the box turtle or whatever? Do you want to get into it? I know that one. Yeah. That changed my opinion on that whole subject, actually. I won't steal any of Future Doughboy's guesses on Sorry's work. We'll get him on here. He'll never come on.

No, yeah. I don't know why he would. Yeah. And the show will hopefully be over by a time that he would- He would come. He's a huge food guy. Yeah, he loves food. He loves food.

Well, what does he get out of it? That's my whole thing with any guest, like, because I'm so grateful that you guys volunteered your time to come on this because you're very busy, work a lot, you got a lot going on. I just don't, I don't see what any guest gets out of this experience. I guess it's fun, but like, this isn't advancing anything for, if we're going to- Don't say this to them while they're here. What is wrong with you? It's just this feeling of, like, being jealous of the other people who are doing it and being

like, why don't I get to do that? Right. It's like, they didn't ask me. Then when you actually have to do it, a bunch of the elements are an inconvenience. But just like, every time you see these people on all these other podcasts and you're just like, I know the hosts of all they've never asked me. Right. I never, I don't go on too, too many podcasts.

You should. No. They should be using, now we've asked you, you won't come on ours. You said, no, he said yes, he said yes. He said yes, but then he wouldn't go. My guess is there's a bunch of podcast guest requests for you in the inbox for your AOL email account, which you never check. That's gonna be true.

I don't look at my emails. It's a very nice day of reply for a Mitch, which I understand is very unusual. Oh, okay. On New Year's Day of last year, and I know I told you, Wyger, that I saw you on New Year's, this past New Year's Eve, that was wrong. I think that was actually the 4th of July that I saw you on the X-Bow line. Yeah, that adds up. That adds up.

Two fireworks. Two fireworks holidays, I agree. I got confused with the fireworks. But New Year's Day, I emailed you to say if you ever wanted to do the show, that'd be great. Maybe two hours later, I got a pretty long reply. Not long, but I sound like a creep. I'm never gonna recover from how long that story was that I told you.

Sean, it was a great story. It's just a rest of my life. No, don't do your making it worse. It was really good. We should all just admit that it was too long. You know, I thought I had something to say. I loved it. I truly, I think that that's one of the nicer stories we've ever had on the show.

Very sweet, beautiful. And you know, Roger Ebert would say that no bad movie is too short, no good movie is too long. And I think the same could apply to stories. No good story is too long. I enjoyed every side of it. I did have the experience of coming up with my own movie snack stuff and then just gradually, like, sort of giving it up.

Yeah, right. For the good of the podcast. Well, what's the short version of the movie snack stuff? I used to get a cherry icy, a white cherry icy in popcorn all the time and now I don't do that anymore. But the one weird one I have when I'm at the landmark on Pico is they do like an edamame, like a boiled edamame in a bag there. Oh yeah.

It's like super wet and kind of gross and is loud to eat. Yeah. But it tastes kind of nice, salty edamame. Boy, that's a good theater. Everyone's goes gaga for the arc light, but let me tell you that landmark. Yeah, it's great. Does your proper. Can I ask them what their favorite scary movies are?

You're mad at me for asking that. No, that's fine. You know what I was going to ask is that because Carol McCorn reminds me of, I was going to ask about an underappreciated Halloween snack because we all know that Snickers and Reese's are the way to go. So is this in lieu of the scary movie question or is this in addition? Yes, it's in lieu of the scary movie question. I love the experience listening to the show.

My favorite experience is Mitch not having a better institutional memory of it than Mitch has. It was great when he asked that question. I was like, I remember when they talked about that. Recently you played a drop that you had played before. Yes. I think that my brain is breaking as I get older, but that's okay. Candied Apple.

What do you guys think about the Candied Apple? Because it's a Halloween treat. You don't see it too much. And I feel like, is this the dorkiest question I've ever asked? No, man, you've asked way worse questions. I haven't. Yeah, you started the podcast by asking about the Nintendo switch. People are interested about the Nintendo switch.

But really, you didn't offer any opinions. It was all set up for Weigher. I'm very excited about the Nintendo switch. I think that it can be a great system. It'll have some great Nintendo first party games. That's all that matters. Can I talk about a movie that is scary that I liked? Please.

I don't see a lot of scary movies. I don't either. But Green Room, did you guys see that? Yeah. I did not see it. I thought that movie fucking owned. People like Green Room. I loved it.

I would like to see it with Will Hines. Have you guys had him on yet? Not yet. No, we will. OK, well, that's something I've got on him. But he was sitting next to me and we were watching it. And it was so intense. I was gripping the theater seats.

I was just all wound up like, oh, what's going to happen? And he just leaned over to me and went, this is a good fucking movie. It's so weird. It really intensified my experience too. I was like, yeah, he's right. That's what I was thinking was happening. But now I know it's happening because I'm like here with someone else. I have it rented.

Isn't that weird? It's very good. And you haven't watched it? It's very well done. No, I've just had it out for a long time. I go to this video store that has like a four at a time thing. And so then I can end up really kind of stacking them up for a while. Sort of like Netflix.

Being an actor and writer, did it scare you more that it was a green room involved? Oh, wow. That's a great question. Yeah, I guess I was really able to put myself. Were you reading that off your phone? How did you have that in your pocket? Anton Yelchin was in the movie. It was one of those movies that tricks you.

You know he died, right? I know that he died. So you were like the only one in the room who did see it. And then you had to look it up to know the name of the actor. And then you were confused by the name of the actor. I was trying to see what year it came out. I was trying to figure out what year it came out. If it was 2006.

I was trying to figure out when I saw it. Yeah, it was recent. But I feel like you pivoted away from my question of being an actor slash writer. No, yeah. I think it didn't occur to me when I was watching it, but it was probably easier for me to put myself in the shoes of these characters who they're in a struggling sort of hardcore band, not that different from being in a ragtag improv group like some of us characters have been.

And maybe you go to a show, you don't know the venue, you don't know the people, and who knows what kind of stuff you get mixed up in. That's a great question, Mitch. Thank you. I agree, I think it was a great question. I have another question for you. Why is he taking a stance he won't do improv anymore? Don't you think that's lame?

Well, improv is lame. Yeah, that's true. So, to take a stand against doing it is not a... I guess I'd need to know why he made that decision. Well, here's the thing. I had done an improv show for about a year with this group last day of school. Some very good friends on it. Yeah, text message show.

The gimmick is get a text message, a suggestion, fun little gimmick, not too intrusive. It just was like a big burden on me because it was like a weird chunk of time. It was at 11 o'clock on a Thursday night show. I'm a square guy. I'm already in bed by 11 o'clock. So, I was staying up late one week night being tired the next day to do an improv show that I wasn't feeling too excited about. So, I just stopped doing it this year and my life improved.

I mean, I miss those guys, they're good guys, but I haven't missed it. You traded that in though for like five hours of podcasting and eating shitty food. Yeah, but this is like less of an obligation and I feel like I get more out of it because I'm getting more of a... I feel like more people are going to listen to a podcast and they're going to come see a live show that's on a weeknight at 11 o'clock. That's fair. I don't know.

And you only get the applause for a minute, but you can refresh the comments or whatever for a whole week. Exactly. We're on that subreddit, reading everyone's comments every week. And improv is toilet paper. It is. It is. It's very disposable. It's a nice sculpture.

Is that a Del Close line? Something like that. But I did a Sunday night at 11 p.m. show for like four years. And it moved to 9.30 last year. And if it hadn't, I think the show would have fallen apart. Right. Because everyone was starting to be like, we just can't do it this late on like before Monday. It just was too much.

It doesn't move to 8 o'clock, five years from now. I'll probably quit that. I've never done it. I just love always saying that. And I have to say it because otherwise people will think I'm like a bad improviser. Like a failed UCB person or something. Sure. He's a total natural.

That, I mean. It's all instinct. I love when people think that. You're naturally very quick and funny. Sean knows this. There was this LA Weekly article about us a couple years ago and they said that I had never taken an improv class and that was the best feeling in my life to have that imprint. Makes me so happy.

LA Weekly really digging down trying to find out if you've done it. Who cares? I remember when he asked in the interview and I was like, oh god, I hope he prints it. They juxtapose the two of us. Sean is like a try hard. Well, yes. Well, and Hayes has like a silver spoon. Like very polished.

Like it was like he's this very preppy Harvard guy who's like never taken a class but is just his big brain does all the work. And then me. They talked about our shoes. How Sean had like ratty shoes. I had like, yeah, ratty old like dirty scuffed shoes and they were like, this kid, this blue collar kid who just grinded away at the improv scene for years. I feel like Weiger and I are like, you are the very much the straight man.

But I feel like people, what people don't know, like I feel like Roger Rabbit, like the villain in Roger Rabbit. You know how it turns out that he's a tune. Judge Doom? Judge Doom. I feel like you're like Judge Doom. Like if it came down to it that like you would go crazy. Like people don't know the real you and you could be a, you're a crazy tune I feel like.

Like I could kill a cute shoe without feeling any real. Yeah. It's not about that part of it though. It's the neatest. You are a. Yeah. That part. I could see that.

At the end you are, you're like me. Oh, when Christopher Lloyd's eyes pop out of his head. I got you. That's you're like me when it comes down to it. A self-hating tune. That's it? You don't even say anything to it? Yeah, that's fine.

I agree with you. I think you're right. No, I know, I think it's because it really hit home super hard. He's not going to sleep a wink. I think it connected in a really uncomfortable place. So he's just like okay whatever. But it, he's going to memorize every line in his ceiling tonight. I admit you know.

Guys, we got to talk Red Lobster. Please. I know. Okay. It's like dinner for five. So. Podcast. So we.

Hayes, you've never been to Red Lobster. Sean, I can't recall if you've been in the past. I had been once. Where are you from originally? I grew up in Connecticut. So there are Red Lob, like New England, there are Red Lobsters, but people just don't really go. I don't really remember ever seeing. I didn't go and no one I knew really went because it was, again, I think Mitch talked about this

and we said it last night, but it's like Red Lobster is a chain version of the kind of thing that exists authentically in New England, I feel like. It's based on the kind of the Bar Harbor fish restaurants of Maine. Sure. But it's based largely in Florida. Wait, Red Lobster. Yeah, Red Lobster started in Florida. That's where it has the most locations, second most in California, but it's mostly not in

New England, but it's very popular throughout the U.S. Okay. So like as you're, so I'm curious about your guys just sort of as novices to first timers, what your perceptions were of the entire Red Lobster experience as a whole. So just do the whole thing right now. We could, I mean we just, I mean we don't have to, you don't have to, I'm just curious about your overall. So do it out in stages with the, okay, overall.

Can I skip around? No, I was just curious as like you're, fine. Do we do the forks? I'll micro-target it. I'll micro-target it. I was just curious about your impressions walking into this restaurant. Do the forks. I say do the forks right now.

We're not going to skip straight to the forks. Let's break it down. All right, so we went there. You guys, you guys got migramatic. I know I do feel like I'm in trouble. No, it's fine. I just like, I thought I was just asking for some general impressions. I wasn't asking for like an overall.

His hand is about to turn into a cartoon chainsaw. I was inarticulate. It's my fault. No, you're right. It's my fault. We're being jerks. So yeah, I mean, you know, you walk in expecting a very robust lobster tank with the live lobsters around and the one that we went to was a little anemic.

Yeah, that's kind of sad. The lobsters that were in there didn't look super healthy and vibrant. And also there were not very many. And there was a security guard who opened the door for me at least both times I went through. I don't know if he did for you guys as well. No, I had to open the door myself. Really? He got it for me on the way out.

Okay. But we exited together. Right. Yeah, he probably didn't like you as my guess. But anyways, was the security guard watching the lobsters? No, he's outside the door. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's really, I mean, I'm surprised by how packed they always, each time I'm done.

Yeah, it was hopping. We went last night, Mitch, you went independently, but we went last night with your wife, Sean, and we went to the Inglewood location and it was hopping. Is that the first time that you'd been to that one? That's the first time I'd been to the Inglewood location. Yes, I've been to Monrovia. I've been to Monrovia, I've been to Canoga Park, and I've been to the one in Lakewood, California.

So you hit every location? I mean, I hit not every location, but the three that are closest to the LA metropolitan area, yeah. I went to the same one each time, including again today. You returned to the Canoga Park. You went today? I went today. Okay, I had a theory sort of going in that maybe Mitch was not going to go this time.

I was going to really put the screws to him. He's got plenty of full knowledge base to why that he went. I especially know that I know that he's feeling kind of sick. There's no way for me to really, like I don't believe still that you went today. I'll say this, if I'm Mitch, I'm absolutely not going. I have wanted to do that on this podcast so many times and I've never done it and I should because I'm getting fatter and sicker as it goes on and I am going to die. Well, we're all going to die.

We're all going to die, but I should lie about it more. I should take bites. Swagger and I have talked about this. You can take bites, buddy. Just take bites and spit it out. That's what you said. Yeah, you don't need to eat the whole meal. You don't need to eat the whole full meal.

I don't say spit it out because I think that's a little uncouth, but I feel like you don't have to finish your entree. That's true. Do you want to have a spit bucket like when actors are eating in a scene? I would love a spit bucket because I'm done with Red Lobster. I don't need to go there again. You're never going back? I'm never going back to Red Lobster.

Actually, me and Commissioner Evan Susser went today and we wanted to lay down just a little challenge to you guys because it's 2 verse 2 I feel like a lot of the time and you guys are coming at us. We're coming at you a little bit. Bring it on. We were talking about maybe at the end of this year, one last trip to Red Lobster for me and doing a little shrimp off, a tag team shrimp off. Hold on.

The Doughboys? Wait, you and Evan Susser. That's right. Wait, so not me. You're excluding me. No, you're in it. Okay. It's a tag team.

You and I. This is a conversation you had with Evan. Yes. But he's almost not a part of it. He could be a referee or something. But it's like when you were describing it, you were saying we were talking and a lot of times it's 2 verse 2 and maybe with you guys and it was never clear exactly what this proposal is, you and Nick in a tag team shrimp off verse Hayes and I.

That's right. What is the tag team element of it? I'm curious too. It's just together. You're together. Maybe you could even tag in and out when people can get to the shrimp. It's really just doubles. It's just doubles.

It's just doubles. But I think maybe only one person is eating at a time. I like that. Doubles. Yeah, tag team tennis. Yeah, tag team. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

And us first of you guys, and you can tap out if you want. And when you're done. You're hungry for a contest. I want a contest. I would do that. I feel more confident about my, Sean is more of a delicate eater than I am. But I think Nick is probably more of a delicate eater than I. Well here's the, I have a pretty small appetite.

I get full pretty fast. Oh, okay. Well I'll tell you for our dinner last night, I had already had a full normal sized dinner before I sat down and I was a little nervous about it but I ended up eating an ultimate feast and finishing everything. So I think I would probably do pretty well. Oh shit. Mitch, do you remember the one of the first times I met you, I was arm wrestling the entire

birthday boys group? I do. I actually do remember that. It was a big thing with Sean first. And you wouldn't do it. And I actually do remember that I refused to arm wrestle you. Yeah, you wouldn't do it. I wouldn't do it.

You wouldn't give me the satisfaction of being the strongest birthday boy. I think it was more so that I didn't want to be revealed to be such a coward. I think that you would have beaten me very fast. But I feel like we're right on the other side of this now where I don't think I'm going to be able to touch you in terms of eating shrimp. I mean, listen, I get that I'm the biggest guy but hearing this from Hayes, it sounds like he's a pretty good eater too. I think it could be a fun, the shrimp off I think could be fun.

Shrimp cocktail shrimp? Sure. Oh yeah. Great. I'm going to get full right away. I'm going to get very full. I feel very comfortable with that. I'll probably bail out pretty fast.

Yeah. I have one plated up a fey and then I'm done. I don't go back for seconds ever. What the fuck? Don't tell them this. Why? I'm getting in their heads. Yeah.

We're going to show up overconfident. We're going to show up overconfident. Here's what we're going to have, and Weigar's going to not eat all these more shrimp before we go that I would have otherwise. I'm not going to. I'm just going to like, I'm just going to eat the lemon wedge. You and Weigar can have a lemon wedge eating contest and Hayes and I will eat shrimp. I feel like Weigar, you won't eat leading up to it and then we'll just find your mummified

course. It's on the table. A shrimp off. Great. In Nick talking about like, why am I doing the SimProf show at 11 PM? It makes me tired. I go like, why am I going to feel sick afterwards? Right.

That's what I'm going to do. Why are you agreeing to the great shrimp off you're asking? Yeah. Why am I going? The best case scenario is, I really feel bad after physically. That's a good outcome. We're talking about ratings gold here. Yeah.

But then the commenters are like, that was fun. What about that feeling? And they're like, oh, okay. I loved hearing that Sean ate a lot. The commenters will say, the shrimp off wasn't as good as I thought it would be. It's going to be the first comment on the shrimp off. I was really excited for the shrimp off. Is it just me and Mitch, but you guys have to come because I don't know Mitch that well.

I'm not going to just like, what a shrimp off. But I would, I'm willing to do that. Okay. They have to come. That's true. Yeah. I'll be there. Yeah.

No, you both are jerking off. That's also a race too. Like an autofocus situation. All right. Let's talk Red Lobster. So we went last night and so our starter we got is we got the seaside sampler, which is, this is something we've gotten to, we've gotten in the podcast before, but just to refresh people's memories, seafood stuffed mushrooms, parrot isle jumbo coconut shrimp

signature shrimp cocktail talking shrimp. What do you guys think of that app? Oh, I enjoyed it. I mean, I'm really focused exclusively on the coconut shrimp. Yeah. Because you had said that you weren't a big fan. They're a little sweet for me. Yeah.

And I'm somebody who a lot of stuff is too sweet for me. I really shy away from sweet, but for some reason I got a soft spot for coconut shrimp. And so I, I crushed three of the four I think and really enjoyed it. I didn't want to touch whatever the, there was like a mushroom thing there. Yeah. The seafood stuffed mushrooms. That I didn't really want to do. Yeah.

I think the texture is a little mushy there. They're better than the name indicates because the name gives me a little, makes me go like, but having them, having had them a few times, they're, they're not bad. They're just like my least favorite of that app trio. They're so wet. They're very wet. There's so much extra liquid sloshing around in the little plate or where, I mean, that was a thing there in general.

I was surprised at the just overt wetness of a lot of the food when all the sweet potatoes came out. There's like a lot of extra liquid in there that I don't know if it's potato liquid or butter liquid. And your grace, your wife was undeterred by that. She loved those sweet potatoes. But I couldn't really go near them. She kept me like, they're good.

All the extra liquid. Yeah. But the shrimp cocktail was my favorite, you know, just like the basic shrimp. That was maybe my favorite thing that I had. A mushroom, first of all, a mushroom is one of the weirdest land. It's a fungi, I guess, but it's one of the weirdest land organisms. And then you're going to, you're going to stuff it with one of the weirdest sea creatures that there is with some lobster.

It's, we don't know if that's what it was in there. In fact, I think we can assume that there is no lobster. There's no lobster. Because they would be front and center with that. It's chopped up fish, some kind of white fish, probably tilapia. Pollock. M-m-mitch, could I do coconut shrimp during the Great Shrimp Off? You could 100% do, but that has to count for like 1.5 or something like that, or more.

I'm back in. Any shrimp you want, any shrimp you choose, you can do for the shrimp. We can look up the calorie information and use that as a multiplier for how many shrimp I count. Because the breading is a huge amount. That's going to fill you up much faster. Wait, I don't know if the, it's like a total calorie count. It's the number of shrimp.

No, but I'm just saying, if he's going to be eating coconut shrimp, that shouldn't count as the same for our cold pink shrimp. He's giving himself a handicap. I don't know. I mean, if he'd rather eat the coconut shrimp, that's, I feel like the low, though, you could strip away that breading and just eat the shrimp, but it still counts. Wow. Iger's really peacocking here.

But then why would he order the coconut shrimp if he's going to take it? He likes the coconut bread. Because he likes them more? He can do whatever shrimp that he likes. I think that that's the fair, I think that's fair. Yeah, but I'm just saying, like, it's like what the rules of it are. Hayes is proposing there's a weighted element to the coconut shrimp. I'm saying that it should just be the number of shrimp you eat, and if you decide to have

a little bit of breading on it, or you want to dip it in some sauce, it's your funeral. Why don't we have a regular shrimp challenge and a simultaneous coconut shrimp challenge that you guys can have? Right, but Nick doesn't like them. I mean, I'll eat them. Shit, I think they're not. You can have Walt's favorite shrimp. I like those.

I like Walt's favorite. That's the same. I like the coconut shrimp. I would go against them. Okay, we could just do coconut shrimp. I'm okay with that. All right, you want to tangle with the kid? Just before we're saying that you aren't a great eater.

Yeah, I know. Here's what we also have to do. I eat a lot of it. We have to go in and we order all the shrimp, and then at the end, we act like we thought it was endless shrimp, and we're so sad about it when the challenge is on it that we ultimately just get the endless shrimp deal because they just feel too horrible. When does, does endless shrimp end at some point? I don't think it was going on when we were there last night.

Oh, no, I wonder if actually Mitch was there at all last night. I swear to God. I spent $100 on this goddamn fucking restaurant. You spent, wait, oh, not today though. No, yes, today. No, yes, today. You spent $100 today. How is that possible?

Because I had Susser with me, and with the tip, it was $100. The two of you guys ate $100 worth of red lobster? Well, we can get into what we got. Did you pay for Evan Susser? Wait a minute. Why was it $100? Whatever. Oh, shit.

You filled it in Evan? I did pay. I paid for Evan, yes. Wow. Yeah, I know. This is a mistake, but being sick, he's the only person who come with me. He did me a favor, actually, and we came up with the great shrimp off. So what did you start off with, Mitch?

Me? I had, we had the spinach and artichoke lobster dip or whatever the hell it is. We've had it before, right? Yeah. Are you careful about swearing? I keep using the F word. No, no, no, no. I don't know why I stopped myself there.

It doesn't matter. I had that dumb fucking dip I hated it. It was not good. It was, you know, I would take a bite of it and it would be cold, and then I'd take another bite and it burned my mouth. It was just inconsistent. And just such a weird thing to have on, like, the dip isn't good, and then the lobster isn't particularly good.

So you're just like, then what is this for? You know what I mean? Right. Like a chili's or anywhere could have a spinach artichoke dip that's better than that. You're not going to taste the lobster at all and something like that. Yeah, it's just covered in cheese and it just is a texture thing more than anything. So yeah, I did not dig that dip that much, and that was the first time I've ever ordered that as an appetizer.

I think, yeah, no, as like a single appetizer. I wish I had gotten the mussels. I didn't get the mussels, and I feel like that would have been just like a straightforward, you know what I mean? Like a straightforward app. The Cheddar Bay Biscuits were the best they had been, but I got to say something to you guys and I wonder what you'll think about this. Should they maybe offer butter with the Cheddar Bay Biscuits?

I don't know. Oh, Mitch, those things, I mean, you want to put more butter on them? They're like crack. Honestly, is there crack in those things? They're like, they're so addictive, Mitch. I should stop, but I can't. They're honestly like crack cocaine to me. But they are, though.

They are, you know, I agree with you. These things are, they are like cracked. They're cracked. They are. They're crack cocaine. They are very addictive, but maybe they sure are. Oh, Mitch, you're buttering them? This guy wants to shoot speedballs.

He's already on crack. No, but okay, yeah. I know that you think that butter maybe would be better with the Cheddar Bay Biscuits. I don't think they need them. I think they're very cheesy and oily already, but the option, they get some soft butter with them. I don't think they should offer it by default. I know that they are already bad for you.

Don't get me wrong. I get this, and I know that they're like crack. I know that they're very addictive and that they're like crack. I couldn't stop eating them. I was like, what's in these things, crack? You guys were both there. He said this audibly. Yeah, actually.

Yeah, he did this. He did this yesterday. At dinner. Did he really? Yeah. Oh, yes. This makes it even funnier for me. Yeah, I'm going to come up with a new bit for the show.

I did the bit at dinner and did pretty well. They should give you a little bit of butter. That's all I'm saying. If you want the butter, I think it would be interesting. When you got it later with your meal, maybe, did you have like a melted butter? Yeah. I'm not going to pour the melted butter on the roll though, you know? Yeah, it's something.

I'm not going to pour the melted. You know, Susser did take some of the Arachoke Dip and he put it on the roll, almost like a biscuit and gravy sort of deal. Right. Yeah, it was disgusting. That does sound gross. But yeah, I just think that because they can be a little bit, they can sometimes be a little bit dry.

That's all. I think when they're at their hottest and their best, they don't need it, but I get what you're saying that maybe if you get an older batch that's been sitting in the kitchen for a little bit. Ours were good last night. Yeah, they were real good. I think they were dry at all. And I wasn't even there when they came out to imagine how good they must have been when

they first came out. Right. This is your first cheddar baby since experience? Yeah, that's true. I have nothing to compare it to. I blasted through. We should move on. Let's talk about mains.

So Hayes and Sean, what did you guys get for your entree? I split an ultimate feast with Sean's wife, Grace. The waitress must have thought that you were a couple with her because you sat on the same side of the booth my fault. I set that up. I could sort of feel like that sometimes. Just very natural, just hanging out with her. Yeah, it looks very comfortable.

It feels very comfortable. Right. You don't look that different from me. I mean, it's not like you're outside the realm of what she's working with. Yeah. So, and now Hayes takes exception. You think you're like so much better looking than me that I shouldn't say that, right? No, I mean, the one thing I would say, you know, I am closer to, a little bit closer to

her age. You're a little bit closer to her age and, you know, you're kind of a classic home. So, you're a dreamboat. So he's sitting with her. They start talking about what food they're going to split and what orders, and then you'll get, well, I'll get this. Well, I want to have some lobster. Okay.

Well, then I'll get the lobster. Yeah. You'll order the feast. And it also was so natural when they ordered, like everybody kind of knew their role. Like Grace didn't say, we're going to be splitting these two things. She just ordered her half of the order and then Hayes ordered his half and it was like they were two halves of a whole. And it was interesting to watch and I wondered, am I robbing her of the life?

She should. Right. Because a lot of times I go, I'll do this almost every time I go to eat with my wife. I look at a menu, I go, I'm getting the pork chop. And then she goes, well, do you want to share something? Is there anything else that you might like on the menu and maybe we'd get to try two things because we're a couple who are eating together at a new restaurant? And I'll go like, oh yeah.

Well, what else do you want? And then I am like, I'm going like, I'm not going to get enough of the pork chop. It's never happened. Right. I get whatever I want. I get like half of her meal and then like 90% of the thing I ordered, she wants one bite of the pork chop and she kind of is just letting me into her order so that we can order something I would also like.

But I always am a baby at the beginning of it. And so to watch her with haze, I was like, this is what I should be like. Yeah. It feels like we have a lot of same, some of this, we have some of the same issues and I'll probably cast that you guys, you guys have too. With the dynamic we need the two of us. I should be married to Natalie. Yeah.

We talk about who's the hunk. I guess I'm the chunk of the bunch. I'm the chunk and you're the hunk. I don't think there is a hunk in this bunch. Yeah. We're hunkless. There's a chunk and an X chunk. A chunk and bean.

I slid down a little bit. Hey, this is like a classic dream boat. I'm a little bit more outside the traditional, you know, look, but a character type. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. We've got a chunk and an X chunk. No one wants that shit. That sucks.

Chunk and a skunk. I don't know what it means, but just use it. Use your new T-shirt for T-Spring. I like that. If we were to call the chunk of the Doughboys with the chunk and the skunk. Yeah, sure. Let's take it. You're into that?

It's like an AMZ. That means that you smell or something. What's applied, I guess. I'm fine with whatever. Probably that, yeah. I'm fine with whatever that means. That's what I'm thinking first. Or like I'm a skunk, like I'm like a sour puss, right?

Like I'm kind of like, mm, I'm a skunk. No, I think it's probably that you stink. Yeah. Just clearly a B.O. thing. Yeah, you stink. All right, fine. I'm fine. We're all a thing.

I never finished my discussion about candied apples. Okay, here's my opinion on candied apples. The first bite is the best, then it's downhill from there. Once you get past that layer of caramel. Why didn't you just set that up like it was going to be a rhyme and then you didn't finish it with a rhyme? It's not, no. The first bite's the best.

The first bite's the best. Forget about the rest. That's what you should say. I wasn't trying to set up a rhyme. You were talking about a rhyme in cadence. The first bite is, when it comes to that, the first bite is the best. The next fails the test. All right, I think you inferred iambic pentameter.

I was just speaking. No, it's just A.D. No, I wasn't trying to, I'm just saying like I wasn't trying to set up a rhyming cadence. I was just speaking normally and I was just trying to pause for effect and say that the first bite is the best and all the remaining apple you can throw in a river. Attack blessed. Just for the rhyme. Right.

But again, I wasn't trying to set up a rhyme so I don't think it was a failed rhyme. The rest you can throw in the river? Yeah. God, that's terrible. I'm just saying like I don't like the, I can't eat apple, I like the caramel layer, I don't like the apple inside. If I want that, I just won't eat it. But there's more than one bite.

The one at the staple center is pre-sliced with caramel nuts. Nut dip. And I never get it, but when somebody near me gets it, I go, ooh, that looks nice. You say candied apples, I would never touch a candied apple, but caramel apples are great. Caramel apple. I think that's what I mean. I think it is too. Candied apples are dipped in like sweet red candy.

Yeah, that's a different thing. It's like a different thing. Oh, okay. I'm more scared about those for like teeth, like getting yanked out or something. That's kind of why I'm avoiding it. I just feel like whatever happens, there's going to be some like just sugary glue on my teeth for the remainder of what I'm hanging out. I just don't, I'm not confident enough in the strength of my teeth to voluntarily endure

that a lot. They used to sell, like my local grocery store in Massachusetts, they had them like pre-packaged. My mom used to get them for me. I remember that as well. And there would be, I think they would do like the multiple, they would do the caramel and they would do some with nuts on top of it. Sampler. What's your favorite sticky sweet treat?

If you're going to bite into caramel or is it caramel, are you going caramel or caramel, as some people say, or are you going to go with that red coat or you know what, you can even put fluff into this bunch, right? Wow. What kind of like marshmallow fluff? Yeah, marshmallow fluff. I don't think a marshmallow, I guess it leaves your hand sticky. Yeah.

I can't really think of too much more sticky sweet treats. I might go hot butterscotch as a Sunday topping. I like hot butterscotch. Okay, butterscotch. It's similar to caramel. It's in the same ballpark. It's really close, sure, yeah. Not even necessarily enough for me to mention separately, it's like, no caramel for me,

thanks. Butterscotch only. It is a different thing though. It's different, it's officially different. I mean, I already talked on a podcast about the hot peanut butter sauce that they used to have at Friendly's when I was a kid, I mean I guess they still have it, but man, that was something. These are all more saucy than sticky to me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. They leave you sticky though. They leave you sticky. Well, yeah, because in the hot version, the hot butterscotch is gonna sort of melt away. You can kind of wash it away, but the candied apple because it has been cooled, that's very sticky. That is super. That is yeah.

Inside the mouth sticky. Yeah. I think candied apples or caramel apples are the sweet version of fajitas. They look better than they taste. Wow. It's more appealing to someone else's fajita experience is more appealing than your own fajita experience. Same deal with Caramel App.

My point. Yeah, it's basically your point, it's basically your point, but I was bringing in the fajitas thing. He brought it to life. He did really bring it to life. The fajitas thing was good. Yeah. I'm agreeing with you.

Again, I'm here to learn. Are there any other? Because I know I had the right idea for a good podcast, but I didn't frame it in a way that the listener could enjoy. Your guys' podcast is a hit. People love it. I was going to argue that probably, I would say almost definitely more popular. No way.

I think it is. No. You guys are so much newer and immediately when I would see like, because I'd like check for mentions of Hollywood Handbook, people go like, Hollywood Handbook is basically my favorite podcast after Doe Boys. And that was like every thing I saw. The launch, it was instant. I mean, you guys are basically, it feels like, it was like week two at where you were when

you launched, which was very high. Yeah. So we kind of, we like started at a, at our peak. Right. Yeah, that sounds about right. But as guys who started out so low and had to really scratch and claw and just fought our way up to right under you guys where you started, didn't feel good. Well, it's all going to be handled in the great shrimp off.

Whoever wins that has the best podcasts. I thought you were going to suggest actually was switching podcasts. We could do, that's a fun, maybe like sort of a like TV show crossover type thing. Oh, sure. That's fun. I like that a lot actually. Is there any, to get slightly back on track because I like this talk, but is there any other Halloween treats like that that aren't besides Halloween candy?

You know, there's, there's a caramel, I'm just trying to dig deep. I know you go bobbing for apples. It's very apple. I got, I got a version of this question and you and Nick, you tell me if this is good for a podcast. I'm not the, are you aware of what's good or good, not good on a podcast? Yes, you are. Are you, are, are you a gummy or a choco?

Hmm. That's a good question. Wait, hold on a second. Is that good for a podcast? Like it's own podcast or just to be on a podcast? No, no, no, no. Am I just doing this in a way that podcast listeners will enjoy? Or a choco.

It's an engagement opportunity for sure. Yeah. I'm, you know what? I love chocolate, but gummy bears are maybe my favorite candy. Boom. But you're not, you're not looking for an answer to the question, you're just asking if the question itself is good for a podcast. No, I'm, I'm, I'm framing, now that I've gotten approval, everybody should answer I think.

Chocolate all the way. Okay. Gummy, gummy ain't yummy. Get it out of here. Gummy ain't yummy. And now he wants to rhyme, now that Mitch wasn't expecting it. Yeah, what the fuck? Who does we hashtag, uh, I'm a gummy or I'm a yummy?

I'm, I'm a choco, god damn it. Yeah. I'm a hashtag gum chum. Gum chum? I'm a hashtag gum chum. I'm a hashtag gum chum. Or chock. Uh, chock.

Chock, chock. Chock, chock. God damn it. I suck at this. We should be doing this one. Yeah, we take this over in character. I don't know what you guys would do with our show. We'd go home.

Yeah. Can't we just go home? And then our show would just go away. That might be nice. Yeah, that would be pretty cool. What are you, you're, you're, are you a chock-chock? Are you a gum chum? Gum chum.

Gum chum. Yeah. Alright, cool. That's dope, that's dope. How about you? You're the one who posed this question. Oh, I just asked the question. Oh my god.

I couldn't, I couldn't possibly weigh it. When you went to like- I'm the Ken Bone of this thing. I'm undecided. That was, that's a big like other country thing. The gummies are really good in like Europe and stuff. My girlfriend and I went to Germany and we had some really good gummies. I guess in the UK and Canada they love wine gums.

That's the thing a lot of fans have been- That's right, you ate some wine gums. We had, we tasted some wine gums. And people were going crazy for wine gums. I would love to see the, the Haribo factories. Yeah. I would love to tour the Haribo factory. Why are you giving me a weird look?

That's just a very specific thing to request. I love gummy bears. I would love to tour the Haribo factory. Also, I think the Haribo Corporation has trained for this exact scenario where you get loose in their factory. You bring out guys with tranquilizer guns, try and take you down. This is not a drill. It's like Lauren Lapkus in Jurassic World.

It's like on her, on her headset. He's inside the cage. I have a really good story about gummy bears that's not my story or anyone in this room. It's a third party. It was Justin, you worked with Justin as well, you remember? Justin Knowle. Justin Knowle. And he's a writer who we've both worked with and he loves gummy bears so much he would

keep a giant bag of gummy bears in his car all the time. And one day he was driving with a friend and he looked down and realized that he'd left these gummy bears in his hot car and they had melted into a liquid. And he went, oh, this is going to be great. Like, do you know the story? No. He was like, this is going to be great. Friggin' gummy berry, like gummy juice.

So he... It's in a bag. He took the bag, tilted it up to his mouth and started drinking it. It got into his throat and immediately hardened and sealed off so that he could not breathe at all. Oh my God. And he says that if he had been alone, he would have died. Oh my God.

It's kind of a public service announcement because I'm not above maybe drinking a bag of gummy juice if I saw it, but he was driving and he pulled over and told his friend he was choking and his friend helped him get it out of his throat. But he said that it just sealed off and became this hard shell. He did that also while he was driving the car. I was like, hey man, hand me the gummy bears over there. And his friend was like, I don't think you want them, man. They're all melted.

And he was like, oh contraire, my friend. This is good to know for me before I go to the Harry bow factory. Yeah, you may not want to take the straight gummy. To swim in the big tag. All right. We've never been more off the rails. I think of the thing to do at this point. Why do you have to say that?

No, it's been a fun discussion. I'm just saying we have been very unfocused. That's okay. We've had a whole month of discussing Red Lobster. The mains, okay. I got the catch of the day. I got the catch of the day main. What I said when I walked in was I think I recall that there's some catch of the day meal you can get

where there's like a fish you can get in many different styles and two sides. And I was correct. That is what they had. That's what I got last time I was there. I got the exact same thing this time. Blackened trout. Yeah, I think they do a good fresh fish there. Is that your assessment?

Yeah. Yeah, I liked it. And the blackened came with like a, it was sort of a like pepper and like sauce like cooked into it. It had a little bit of spice and a little bite to it and it was nice. I, go ahead. Speaking of mains, I got a surf and turf with a main lobster tail. That's why I said main. Not that kind of main.

I know. It's spelled differently. I know. Do you know because you started it speaking of? Speaking of the, speaking of the sound main. The sound main. Okay, good. Okay.

Well, now I believe it. I got the surf and turf. Is that a homophone? Yeah, homophone. Yeah, homophone. Yeah, right. Okay, go ahead. I know homophone.

That's what they would say on Comedy Bang Big, right? Yeah, right. For sure. We're not in the Ear Wolf office so we could say whatever we want about them. Weiger is getting fidgeting again and getting nervous. I, it comes with a steak. It comes with a lobster tail. The waitress told me to get a main lobster tail instead of this other lobster tail.

She said it was too dry. And I said, okay, yeah, get me the main lobster tail. No price difference. It comes with mashed potatoes, a side salad, which I got ranch as the dressing. And another side and I picked corn. That was mine. They forgot my corn and then they brought it out very late. It was a small ear of corn and it very much tasted like it was microwaved.

It did not taste like it was good. A lot of side delays. We had big side delays as well. Our sweet potatoes came out late. We got three dishes of sweet potatoes. I think they threw in an extra one, but even that one that like two came out very late and then a third one came out even later. What did you get, Weiger?

I got the same thing as you do. I got the surf and turf. I did not sub out the main lobster tail. But yeah, I would say that the steak I asked for a medium rare came out medium. Fine. It's a New York strip, so not a particularly fatty piece of meat. And for me, it just got a little dry. It wasn't the best quality piece of meat.

I got mine medium and it came at the right temperature, I'll say. Yeah, mine was just a touch overcooked, but it's forgivable. The rock lobster tail, which I got, I didn't sub it for the main one, but I'd say it was pretty good. I was expecting a little bit of drawn butter with it and I didn't need drawn butter. That's a mistake. I think that was an omission. But yeah, mashed potatoes were good and I actually, those sweet potatoes,

it was a little sweet, had a little extra butter on it, which is maybe superfluous, but with a little of the crunch of the pecans that was with it, I thought that was one of the highlights for me. I actually really like them sweet potatoes. Can I talk about something they would do there? They kept calling them sweet mashed potatoes. Sweet mashed potatoes. And every time you would say, I'd like the mashed sweet potatoes,

they would correct you to say the sweet mashed potatoes. Yes. There are two very different things. Here, Grace is concerned because I know Grace is thinking like, I know I'm going to get mashed potatoes, but then she didn't. She got the sweet potatoes. Yeah, it was sweet potatoes. You don't want mashed potatoes with some added nutmeg or something.

Exactly. You want sweet potatoes that are mashed up. Right. Did you guys yell at them? You should have yelled at them. No, I did make a joke, like a snotty joke that I didn't realize the waitress was so close for because she came by and it was the second time she came by and she was like, the first time she said, and I'll be right back with those cheddar biscuits.

And then the second time she came by, she was like, and I'll be right back with the cheddar biscuits. And I didn't realize she was still standing at the very next table. And I went like, I keep hearing about the cheddar biscuits, but I'm not seeing the biscuits. It's like, sort of to amuse my table mates. And then I looked up and she was like directly above. Sounds like you're a nasty boy.

Yeah, our waitress at one point, we ordered the artichoke and lobster dip and she said, I knew you guys were going to order that and she walked away and I didn't know what that meant. Wow. What does that mean? There's no sort of fat joke. I mean, you're a good thing to order anywhere we are. They say I knew you were going to get that.

I would feel very judged if someone said that to me. Yeah, me and Cesar, she knew that we were going to get it. Dude, stick to the classics. If you're doing that job, just give me a great choice. Right. You know what, she was helpful with the main lobster tail, but honestly, I was like, it's fine. This was the one time I went where I didn't enjoy the lobster.

I thought the lobster was kind of didn't taste that great. I'm surprised with four trips to the same location within a four-week span. You haven't been recognized as a regular at the Canoga Park. I have not been recognized as a regular. I've seen different people each time. They've got a big staff there. They have a big staff, and there were people in there. Another time where there was no birthday, though.

We heard a birthday. Any other thoughts on your main that you split with Grace? Yeah, I did not really like it. The shrimp scampi, especially, was like, I know maybe you guys have had problems with shrimp cooked-ness. A little rubbery. I think there might have been something going on there. And I should have warned Grace,

but I guess she didn't warn me, so fuck her. Because I'm sure it was going through the same thing. But she kind of stopped. We both kind of stopped eating it, and we should have said something to the other one. But around that time, she was also berating me about... What was she mad at you about? About her theory that Scott Peterson is innocent.

Which I totally believe after hearing her argument. She makes a pretty convincing case. Or that a minimum should have been found innocent. She really cares passionately about Scott Peterson. That he didn't do it. But then I went home and looked it up, and there's a lot of weird stuff that she didn't mention. Another fun...

Not admissible. Conspiracy is OJ's son did it. Yeah, I've heard that one before. That's a big one. I just think the circumstantial... Mitch, you learned at the dinner, okay? The circumstantial evidence for OJ's is pretty strong. Yeah.

There were some holes in the Scott Peterson thing that Grace Abley poked. I'll say another one. I think Amanda Knox did it. Foxy Noxie, I think, killed her roommate. I think she killed it. Did you watch the movie? I watched the movie, yeah.

Here's my issue with the movie. She had two or three other roommates, and they don't even talk about that in the documentary. Talk about those other roommates. Let's talk to them, see what they think. They might not have wanted to go on camera. They used to should have forced them to go on camera. Let's get to our final thoughts.

They might want to put this behind them at this point. They have lied. Let's get to our final thoughts. This is how this will work. We'll go around, we'll each sort of give our closing argument on Red Lobster based on our experiences with this chain, and then give our final ranking on the order of we're still doing lobster claws, right?

No, isn't this the last one where we rank it out of this time on a fight? You and I will. You and I will, but I think... Give it a fork rating? Don't we give it just one last... That's for us, for our guests. Okay, don't yell at me.

You guys will give a ranking on the order of one to five lobster claws, let's say, because they think that's what we've been doing. One to five lobster claws. What do they want to do? Whatever you want to do. If you want to do forks, let's find the lobster claws. Whatever you want to do.

We'll start with you, Hayes. You should be on a lobster tank. I feel like we kind of... We kind of skipped over all impressions, which would have been... That was right of you to bring up, initially, and we should have made fun of you, because I feel like we did good over that.

But I do have the same kind of thing that Mitch has, which is like I grew up in Massachusetts, and we're talking about... If you have had only... Pretty much exclusively pretty good lobster that's like fresh caught from the ocean or whatever. I don't know. Maybe it was just last night,

but I thought the lobster itself was kind of... Weirdly, while everything else is wet, the lobster's a little bit dry and kind of rubbery. Yeah. The crab legs were good on my ultimate feast. I like crab legs. I'd say one and a half. One and a half? Wow, okay.

Damn. Yeah. Sean, that's what you both gave it one and a half in the last episode. Well, we gave it tines out of four tines. That's out of four? I should have meant listing a little bit better. Roodle. So...

It was actually ounces of butter, you fuckers. Right. It was ounces of... You were actually listing very well. Yeah. So, for me, a lot of what Hayes said I agree with. I also grew up in New England. We would go up to Maine a lot in the summer.

I feel like... It sounds ideal. Cape Cod. I've been to... My best friend, Mark, his family had a bungalow there. Oh. So, my experiences with seafood growing up and lobster specifically are like, it's so good.

And unsurprisingly, this nationwide chain that is sort of like run it through the factory doesn't recreate that experience authentically. Right. Which is why I got the catch of the day. Which I enjoyed. A baked potato with some sour cream.

They didn't mess that up either. I didn't go freelancing messing around with some kind of sweet mashed potatoes. They don't know what it's called. I like the biscuits. I would say that for the experience of eating at a chain restaurant with a great big menu

and some classics there that you can enjoy, it was totally solid. Three lobster claws. Wow. Out of five, right? Out of five. Very solid. I wish I'd gotten a lobster reader

or some kind of mixed thing. Because you guys have always said that those are really good. Yeah. They do good mixed drinks. I feel like that was a big mistake. Their cocktails aren't too sweet. You just got yourself a brew dog.

You got yourself a Sam Adams. I got a Sam Adams. And I said I was not upset about this at the time. I asked for a Sam Adams and they brought a Sam Adams October faster or whatever. Which is not exactly the same thing. And I feel like it is actively worse with seafood.

It's like I'm not like a pairing guy. I don't drink. But I want something a little crisper. I don't drink, so. I don't. All right, Mitch. 12 years. Mitch, give your thoughts on Red Lobster.

Oh, boy. I want to say congratulations to Sean for not drinking for 12 years. Plug in the jug. Listen. Am I happy another thing is over with? Yeah, I am. So, don't let that color here rating up.

My best experience with Red Lobster was the first time I went. And then it didn't get progressively worse. I mean, I got more annoyed with going to it. I hated driving there. I've been kind of busy. I've been tired. I haven't liked driving like an hour

in heavy traffic and thinking that I might die on the way to this Red Lobster. The service is nice. It's actually not that bad in there. The setting is like better than some other chain restaurants. I think that they do shrimp better than they do lobsters. Kind of how I came away feeling about it. I like the drinks.

The mashed potatoes are good. You know, when I started, I thought that I would end this with a pretty high rating. And I think I'm going to go middle of the road because it was up and down. There were some bad experiences and there were some good ones. But overall, I think out of five forks, I think I'm going to go...

Wait, no, but for this one, you're still giving your tines. We've given your tines so far. So out of one to four tines. Let's say out of one to four candy apples. One to four candy apples. Yeah. I'm going to give this... Ah, fuck.

God damn it. Two and a half. And a half. Two and a half candy apples. And then that gives you one fork left. Now you can give an overall fork. What the fuck have I given it so far? You've given it nine and a half tines total,

which translates into roughly... Wait, let me do the math. That's like a lot of forks, right? No, that's nine and a half tines. That was 16. Yeah. Like, it's going to be 20 tines total. And so right now, there's nine.

There's 9.5 out of 20 tines, right? Yeah, because there's four tines per fork per five forks. So you have one fork left. So I can give it out of four tines now. Yeah, like maybe an overall fork. Okay, okay, so... God damn it, fucking shit. This math...

What is this math? I believe... Yes, I know, I fucked up. What do you want me to say? Okay, I give it... So one tine would make it a half... A two and a half. A one tine would make it a two and a half.

Hold on a second. Hold on a second. Is it a joke that he thinks it might be? Is it a joke that he cares? What number is that? I'll tell you, just pick one. I ain't gonna give this... Three tines.

Three tines. So it's what people like, they like that he cares. Yeah, we should be doing something like this, I guess. We should care, like... The whole thing is we just don't give it... 12 out of 20 tines is my final score, right? That gives you a final score of 12.5 tines. Out of 20 possible tines, which I believe...

Hold on, let me do the math. 12.5... Oh, fuck, I gotta do some... We make fun of him now too, what is this? Divided by 20 equals... We don't even edit this out of our podcast. No, I know. 3.125 forks is your overall score.

That sounds perfect. I'll speak through mine real quick. Maybe high, whatever. Cheddar Bay biscuits, great as always. I had a bourbon old-fashioned as my cocktail. I thought it was great, not too sweet. A little more fruit than I'd like in an old-fashioned. I asked for a drink that was not too sweet.

I think that one delivered... I've never heard that term before. Fruit forward? Yeah, fruit forward. That's like a wine tasting. That's a wine snob thing to say. Not that I'm a wine snob, but I know the lingo. The seaside sample, I think, is very solid. I agree that the mushrooms are a little...

A little soupy. A little too much moisture in the mushrooms, but I think the other two ones... It's a good shrimp cocktail, very good shrimp cocktail. Jumbo coconut shrimp are good. Steak overcooked. I like a fattier kind of steak, but I think for the amount of money you're spending,

it's a pretty good value. Mashed potatoes were good. I like those sweet potatoes. Overall, I'm giving this experience... Oh. I'm giving this experience three times. And for my fifth fork, I will use my bonus fifth trip

to Red Lobster this month, which I went with my wife, Natalie. We went to the Lakewood location in my hometown, which I went to growing up. There used to be a red snapper before it got bought by Red Lobster. You didn't tell me any of this shit. We went on a trip, just the two of us, and we had a great time.

I got the crunch-fried fish and garlic-grilled shrimp combo with fries that were very good. Who cares about this? What are you doing? I'm just saying, this was a four-tine experience. And so that gives my total of... I had nine tines through the first... I'm sorry, my first one is supposed to be out of three candy apples.

What the fuck is happening? Hold on. So, three candy apples. This last one was four tines. Three and a half tines, plus three tines. Plus two, plus three. That's nine, plus... This is, like, very beautiful mind. Yeah, because I gave it three claws, two knuckles.

It says nine plus 12, plus 16 tines. It's more of an okay-looking mind. Hold on. Yeah, I know. I'm not fast with this. Four forks. Oh, even out to four forks. That's what I get. I get gave Red Lobster four forks. You're excited by the fact that he called out to four forks. You gave yours 3.125 forks.

I gave it four forks. Our guest average was three and a half forks. Not in the Golden Plate Club, but an above-average chain, and I think that's pretty good for four visits to Red Lobster. You read your review like the Micro Machine Man. I was trying to speed through it. The fastest review I've ever heard in my entire life. We started a little late.

I don't want to keep our guests too long. We have a bad habit of keeping our guests too long, so I'm just trying to get through it. They're hanging out, baby. It's cool. Well, I don't know. Let's just finish this up. You ready to go? You don't got to worry about me. They're hanging out.

That was Red Lobster. It's time for a regular segment. It's our mash-up of cuisine and cinema. The balcony is open for dinner and a movie. This is added for dinner and a movie. This is new. Yeah, this is a new addition. The segment was your idea, and I thought it was a little pizzazz to intro it.

That's the old Siskel and Ebert theme. The Doe Boys of Old. So we're going to have a movie. They hated each other about the way you guys do. I think you are actually pulling a lot from them. In terms of just raw animosity. They got more money than us. Those guys were loaded.

They were getting a little more money. Have you heard that story of Ebert went on a date with Oprah. They got set up on a date, and Oprah was deciding whether or not she should syndicate her show, and Roger Ebert used a napkin to draw how much money he was making in syndication,

and Oprah decided at that point to go into syndication as a result. Fuck, now I'm all for it. What happened after that? They flocked. Oh, yeah. All right. This week's movie is Jack Reacher.

He's just willing to say they fucked. He wants this episode to end more than anything in his life. This week's movie is Jack Reacher Never Go Back. Now Mitch, the way this works, this is your segment that you originally proposed.

That's right. But the way I believe is we have a movie, and then our guests help decide what the perfect meal is to have with it. As opposed to just movie snacks, it's a company or movie viewing experience. That's right. Well, for me, you know,

if it's a Tom Cruise movie, I got to start off with a cocktail. Mmm. Now, it's Jack Reacher, right? Yeah. So I'm gonna get myself a delicious, no offense to you, who's been sober for 12 years,

Jack and Coke on ice to start it off, a little nice Jack and Coke. Right. What do you think of that? We broke the movie Cocktail, where he was a barman. And Jack Reacher. Yeah, right. Great. It tracks. Okay, good. All right, your turn.

That's a whole meal for you. A little aperitif. Are we building the meal one course at a time? We're building a meal, yeah. Oh, wow, okay. We were unclear on the way we set it up. Yeah. I would say,

you know, in the theaters, it had a different title, but originally it was Live, Die, Repeat. That's right. So I think you want to get yourself an endless app. Okay. So you can...

You can... You can dine. Live, die, repeat. Oh, my God. And so I would say, you know, what app is better than Onion Rings? Give me an endless basket of Onion Rings

with some dipping sauces. Have you lost your mind? What the fuck is happening? I think the numbers broke you. That's nice. I think it likes some endless Onion Rings for me to see Jack Reacher ever go back. This meal consists of

a jack and coke and endless Onion Rings. So it really does change the calculus for the rest of us that you carved out an endless option. It's a pretty light for mine. But I want Sean to go next because I'm at sea. Okay.

Well, I guess he was in a movie. This is how we do this. Called Days of Thunder. That's right. And

you know, whenever I'm in Vegas, I like to take in the Thunder from Down Under show. That's good. The athletic gentleman who gyrate and such. And that's, of course, from Down Under

because they're Australian. And so I guess I'd throw another shrimp on the Barbie and get some nice I mean, you know, shrimp overload this episode. You've heard enough about it, but

you get some nice grilled shrimp. That's kind of, as Hayes said, a light option after the infinite amount of Onion Rings. And it's just sort of a grilled shrimp scampy maybe and maybe they do it right this time. Not so rubbery.

When you said, fuck my wife. That's what you said. You said she didn't warn you about it. And you said to fuck her. In front of me and in front of other men. So I guess I should do a dessert. Okay, so in the spirit side

you can do whatever you'd like. The way I guess you do this is like Tom Cruise was a mission impossible. Talk about a mission impossible. Some of those pistachios that are so hard to open

because there's no little opening. Give me instead some pistachio ice cream. Right. Is that right? That was great. So we got a Jack in the Coke,

endless Onion Rings, some shrimp, was it scampy? Yeah, on the grill. Some grilled shrimp. Not a shrimp scampy. Shrimp on the Barbie and some pistachio ice cream, that's a pretty great meal. What would you call this restaurant?

Jack Reachers? Oh god, damn it. It's a good outline. Oh well, you know after a meal like that I would be going back. Never go back. And that's dinner and a movie.

Until next time, the balcony is closed. Just like a restaurant without your feedback. Let's open up the feedback. Today's email comes to us from Ian Menka. Ian writes, Yeah, they're like kind of in the corner right now. Like the ghost at the end of Return of the Jedi. Just sort of nodding solemnly

in approval. Today's email comes to us from Ian Menka. Ian writes, This is a bit that we do on the show sometimes, but I guess we'll skip around that. Another one we do is Too Scary. So just so everyone, just so it's out there,

they made clear that they don't listen to the show. Right? Yeah, with the whole bit about Halloween being too scary and we always talk about how everything's too scary. I've heard the show. I've heard the show too. I don't listen to any podcasts, but I do need to listen more. Fuck, I feel bad.

I don't care. I can't hold it. Hayes like listens to a lot of stuff. Like I've heard your show. I've listened to it. But you're quoting like multiple episodes. Yeah, I prepare. He prepared well. Well, I mean, you know, if I'm preparing,

I'll listen to an episode. For this one, I didn't do it because I've already listened to several. But I just can't, I can't believe it all the time. I skip around a lot of the guests because a lot of them are fucking... Trash. We love our guests. Well, you're the only one.

I didn't want to step on any Red Lobster stuff. So I made sure that my Red Lobster material was fresh. Unlike that shrimp's candy. But you do listen. You stay current on shows, I feel like. And better than I do. Not really. Okay.

We did seem to have a lot of particular specific knowledge about this podcast. Yeah, I have listened to this podcast definitely more than... That's good. Don't call them out. No, I think it's great. I love it. I love all our listeners. I'm flattered that someone with as brilliant of a comedic mind as Hayes is going to listen to our dumb show. That's right.

Alright, good. What was it, TVs? Yeah, TVs and restaurants. How do you feel? Sorry, if this is a bit on your show, we don't have to cover it. Dude, no, it's so fine. Hayes is being a brat. So, TVs and restaurants. Yeah, well...

Sometimes when the game is on... I'm more... Fixated on the TV. Yeah. More bars for me than... Bars, it's great. Restaurants. Rarely ever are you in a restaurant

like four top situation where it's like good. Right. Because either you're looking over someone's shoulder or whatever, they're mad at you. Yeah, I'm distracted by it. Everyone's looking at a different TV, it's a different situation that's very good.

But sometimes a bar and a restaurant are one in the same. Right. But if you're like eating at the bar... Well, I don't drink. Right, so you don't know. You can't even picture this, I guess. I don't know how to even explain it to you.

No, but I'm not talking about eating at the bar. I'm talking about a bar that has a bar but has tables and it's all sort of one space. Right. And it still can be, I noticed that I will be like telling myself like don't look at the TV and watch this get here with friends

and you should have a conversation and I just like drift over the TV I'm addicted to the dang thing. I really enjoy it sitting at a bar. It's basically essential to have a TV. Yeah. But for a restaurant, no thank you.

Yeah, it's a distraction. If it's bar it from the dining area, keep it in the bar area. I have the same thing, I'll go out to my wife and we'll just be at a Thai restaurant and they have a TV for no reason and then it just happens to be positioned over her shoulder and I'm like

it's like a baseball game which is I don't watch baseball, I don't care but it just draws my eye and I just feel my gaze drifting. She probably prays for any distraction from the fact that she's married to you. Actually, it's quite the opposite. She likes having conversations with me

and sometimes I drift off. You drift off? Yeah, like a situation like that. Like my eye is being drawn away and she's trying to have a conversation with me and I'm not being an attentive husband. These screens. These screens.

It's honestly black mare, it's honestly black mare. It is a lot like black mare. What you're describing is basically an episode of black mare. Here's what I'll say. We got all these screens in our pockets wherever we walk so it doesn't matter but I think there's a breakdown where the place is an actual restaurant.

Right. And it's never that much of an issue where it's in an actual restaurant in distracting you. When I'm at a Buffalo Wild Wings I just know that I'm going to see some TV and I'm fine with it. But at a fine dining place,

I guess it's just kind of the separation between bar and dining. But there's something between fine dining and a bar where I go to a vegan establishment. What's it called? Takari Alosa Naya. Shout them out.

They're on Pika. No, they're below that. They're at Adams and West Boulevard. And so I get the Otto Bado tacos. This is this marinated pork.

It's so good. I love the place but they do have TVs in their dining area and it's just a restaurant. There's no bar whatsoever. But they have them up there and I'll have the same thing happen that Nick described. And my wife likes me too.

I don't have a wife. Oh, I wonder why. There's a lot of issues. But you know what? I get that. Keep them out. If I had a wife, she'd probably be mad at me too. Sorry, Weiger. I think I hit a little You didn't strike a nerve.

You brought you were kneeling me a little bit and then I opened up. We're busting chops. We're busting chops, Weiger. If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants you can email us at doboyspodguessageemail.com Check out our Facebook page, Do Boyz. Follow us on Twitter at doboyspod

and please subscribe and rate us on iTunes. Hey, it's Sean. Thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for having us. And we'll see you back for the great Trimp Off. But what about BJ's brew house? Am I not doing that with you guys? No, we still want to do BJ's with you. No, I think we should get BJ's to someone else.

Bitch! We'll have you back for BJ's. Hayes, is there a restaurant you'd like to do on your own? We're gonna take BJ Novak to BJ's brew house. Yeah, if you listen to our show you would know that that's another bit that we did. Oh no, is it really? God damn it.

You haven't done Papa John's. We haven't done Papa John's. There's a weird relationship to it, obviously. Oh boy, okay, alright. So that's what, three more episodes that you have to do with us now? There's the Trimp Off, that's obviously it's own episode. And then BJ's and Papa John's.

You don't have to do BJ's with me. You don't have to do BJ's with me. At the time that I sent you a message I was going there frequently. It was near my work and I thought it would be good. I like BJ's. My parents met my wife then girlfriend for the first time at a BJ's brew house.

I know I have a friggin' email from you about it because we talked about doing the episode three years ago. Yeah, we're going to bring it on, yeah. It wasn't three years ago. Alright, let's pull it off. Has Dom Deerk has been on the show? No, he should do Papa John's. Right.

We're going to get you both on the show individually. Look, we'll figure it out. This can be an offline discussion. No, let's have it. I want to hear us talk about... Is there anything you guys would like to plug in? Oh, the podcast, definitely.

Listen to that. I guess in January, please watch the show Making History. It'll be on Fox. I think it could be funny. When does this come out? We're recording this on a Monday night. This will be out this Thursday.

Just try to remember four months from now that I said this. More immediately. Two days from now we have a live show that I don't know what the ticket sale situation is in Anaheim. Oh, yeah. You know what? If you want to go down, you can see Hayes and Sean on the Saturday.

You can stick around on the Sunday, me and Mitch are guesting on Jordan Jesse Go. Hayes and I have a hotel room that we're probably not using if you want to crash. I was going to say stick around overnight is what you're... They can now because we'll give them our room. Because they can all stay in our room.

It's small, but it's nice. You've seen our hotel room? I'm just very familiar with the hotels in that area. You should visit a hotel room before you go and stay, I think. You just show up and stay? It's just so far in advance.

Well, you know what? Tweet at us. You get the hotel room that they might have had. I'm sure that everyone involved in this will be okay with it. Use hashtag Hollywood Hotel. Yeah. Are you guys okay with that?

Yeah. It's all fake. On that note, though, we'll do it for this episode of Doe Boys until next time for the Spoonman, Mike Mitchell, and Mick Weigar happy eating. See ya.