Doughboys - Sbarro with Griffin Newman

Episode Date: June 6, 2024

Griffin Newman (@grifflightning, Blank Check) joins the 'boys to talk Irish movies, Star Wars characters, and Tombstone Garlic Bread Pizza (UPC: 7192114208) before a review of Sbarro. Plus, a new segment, Frank Check.Get tickets to Geoffardy at moment.co/geoffardyWatch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSources for this week's intro:https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/20707420/the-office-netflix-nbc-workplace-fantasyhttps://www.pmq.com/the-building-of-sbarro/https://www.mashed.com/230979/the-untold-truth-of-sbarro/https://www.businessinsider.com/the-office-brian-baumgartner-made-over-1-million-on-cameo-2021-11https://sbarro.com/about/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel at youtube.com slash doughboysmedia. Hey buddy, it's the burger boy. Want to tell you about a live stream event right here at HeadGum featuring me and Mike Mitchell the spoon man, as well as Hollywood Handbook, Amir Blumenfeld, Lamar Woods and a bunch of other special guests. It is called Jeffordy and is one week from today, Thursday, June 13th at 4 p.m pacific 7 p.m eastern. This is live streaming. You can get tickets at moment.co slash jeffordy

spelled G E O F F A R D Y. Now what is Jeffordy exactly? Your guess is as good as mine. We're going to find out together, and we're going to have a lot of fun. So check it out, The Dough Boys and a bunch of other headgum all-stars, Jeffery, next Thursday. Right now, enjoy this week's show. Oh, look. My favorite New York pizza place.

I'm going to go get me a New York slice. This was Michael Scott on season 2 of The Office as he excitedly approached a Manhattan outlet of a widely derided pizza chain. The confidently oblivious Michael Scott, portrayed by Steve Carell, was the Yankee parallel of the original UK offices David Brent, portrayed by series co-creator Ricky Gervais, whose stance on religion is unknown. The joke was on Carell's characters' cluelessness and classlessness, that he'd view a strip mall fixture as an authentic representation of a New York-style pizza.

But Scott was, in a sense, correct because decades before it became a ready-made fast-food punchline just as Arby's was to the Simpsons and Seinfeld, Scott's spot was an authentic Brooklyn saloomeria launched in 1956 by married Italian immigrants. While modern consumers often assume the brand name as an invented Pizzano pastiche, it was in fact Napolitano co-founders Carmela and Gennaro's legal last name. The shop slices were such a hit among its heavily Italian expat clientele that it spawned a second pizza-centric location, and in the 1970s the popular parlor expanded to Brooklyn's King's Plaza Mall, establishing the template for its future food court omnipresence.

Today, it's hard to believe the chain began as an authentic stateside representation of Neapolitan-style pizza with its bland aesthetic and 600-plus interchangeable restaurants. In the same way that The Office quietly began as a 12 episode BBC2 series before birthing an international sitcom franchise with versions in a dozen countries, the hit Office Ladies Recap podcast, an annual Dundercon fan expo, a million dollar cameo account for the guy who played Kevin, and an absolutely necessary upcoming reboot. This week on Doughboyz, Sparrow. Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger, along with my co-host, Salacious B. Cum,

the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. B. Crim. It should be B. Crim. I didn't send the roast in, but that's a fair note. We thought we were trying to cut that down this year. Well, this is in the roast. I mean, I don't know what to tell you. I'm not gonna censor the roast.

Can I just call out quickly? I mean, I don't know what to tell you. I'm not gonna censor the roast. Can I just call out quickly? I appreciate, I liked the intent of you guys making the resolution of Say Come Less. You've definitely been saying it more so far this year. Normally, have you not been scaling it down? It's been increasing. We've had some nasty episodes. We gotta pull it back a little bit.

We have had some disgusting episodes. This is gonna be great. We're gonna keep it clean today. You did a double on scene as a meal. That was maybe a strategic error if you were trying to tone down the cum talk. You did it, you just did the laugh. I can't do it anymore.

I used to be able to do it. Hide dope wings. I mean, not everyone can do a salacious crumb. There you go. That's fucked, man. Ahem. Eeeh! I can't, my voice, my throat is too dry.

Yeah. How about this? You know what would be good to lubricate that throat? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha What? Were you gonna try? Oh my god. Can't get the register. Hi, doughboy Zachy B. from Chicago here. Jimmy's getting scared, by the way. Sorry, Jimmy. It's not like three crypt keepers.

Hello, boys and ghouls. What a scarifying tale of the fun dead. Today we talk about Stab-Borrow. Stab? Pretty good. Hi, Doughboy. Zachy B from Chicago here. Can't tell you how proud I am of this roast.

If you end up using it, please see if the Spoon Man will attempt a Salacious B. crumb-esque cackle, which he did. Thanks for many years of big laughs, and here's to 50 more. I've done it before on the podcast. RoastedBirdFuck.com. Eee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee- That's kind of like, brrrr. Brrrr. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

What's a- You sound crazy. You specifically, what's a what? What, like do you have like another, a normal laugh you do that's not your regular laugh, like a laugh bit? What I'm like trying to, I never, I don't mean this in a way of like,

I never laugh at anything, but I very rarely laugh. Well, people watch the podcast and they're gonna just say that's not true. Yeah, you do laugh. There's a lot of evidence. You love to laugh. You're laughing. If I'm like, if I'm with a group of people, I laugh.

I'm not laughing like in a movie theater, I don't laugh a lot or something. I don't know. You're the same way. You don't laugh at a lot of stuff. I'm a big time laugher. Are you kidding me? I laugh up a storm. I love't laugh a lot or something. I don't know. You're the same way. You don't laugh at a lot of stuff. I'm a big time laugher. Are you kidding me? I laugh up a storm. I love to laugh.

I love to laugh. Wow. The Crypt Keeper, Salacious Crumb, it's got your energy up. We're having fun. It's gonna be a fun day. Well, Nick, I too love to laugh. Wow.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. I think that's, I mean, like, we all have a fake laugh. I feel like I sometimes do like a, oh, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, like one of those guys. Kind of a hick laugh. A classic.

Pfft. That's... I think sometimes I'll do a big ha! You know like. Oh yeah that's good. A half Nelson. Yeah yeah yeah. Actually I think I've noticed since we moved to video how often you do a silent laugh. Where it's all in your face and your body expressions but not vocal.

That's more, that's why I say I don't think I laugh. Something you have in common with our audiences at live shows. I still do laugh a lot, I do. I do laugh. You do. You're a laugher. It's fun to make. I'm not gonna not laugh. Yeah, I know.

But I can also, I feel like it's an earned laugh from the Spoon Man. We get charged. You're not an easy laugh. We're charged with doing fake laughs on the show. I've read that before from people online. Someone said you laugh too much. Yeah, some people say we laugh too much.

I don't know what you want. It's weird. It's almost like Redditors like to complain about contradictory things at the same time. Well, you know what's making me laugh? We talked about it right beforehand where I said, it'd be great to have something about Mary hair gel. Griffin told me that there was one.

And then I did find it on. You did find it, there you go. Well, these were the free samples of something about Mary hair gel. The studio sent my theater to hand out to attendees before an advanced screening of the film. People actually putting it in their hair, having no idea what the joke was yet.

And that's really fun. They look like tartar sauce packets, honestly. I had this memory of there being a secondary something about Mary website that was specifically just for merch items. But it feels like it probably was just leftover promo shit. Cause they were like odd little items like that. They were all kind of little tachkies.

Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. I'm not finding that's the only one I'm, but also the issue is is that it just comes up with, Exactly. It just comes up with this hair gel scene. The actual scene, yeah. But I also would imagine, like,

if it came in like a sort of sturdier bottle, even if people used the hair gel, the bottles would still exist. When it comes in like a fucking Taco Bell sauce packet. It's true. Who has unused something about Mary hair gel? Right, who's holding on to that? The richest man in the world, if you ask me.

Right. It was the late 90s, everyone had to put that hair gel, frost their tips up. You know? It's a fun bit. Here's what came up, Ben Stiller thought hair gel scene and something about Mary wasn't believable. That's what he said, that was his,

this is from 2013, which shows that we're very old. I mean, it's kind of a cartoonish movie, though. That's like, that's a heightened tone. I agree with that. Yeah. I'm sure, I also, if you walk, if you go through the clickbait, I'm sure he like talks about, I wasn't kidding, but then it's up there on the screen or something.

It's probably overall a positive assessment. I ain't trying to blast Stiller, producer of the Birthday Boys show. It sounded like you were. Are you kidding me? Came to the Birthday Boys show. It sounded like you were. Are you kidding me? Came to a Birthday Boys party. Remember? Did you play an instrument?

No. Was anyone playing an instrument at the party? People who were playing instruments at the party, Wags wasn't there. Yeah, R.S. Weep, no. But- Did you really? I don't know, I'll do that sometimes.

Was there an R., you maybe did. Yeah. It was the last party at the birthday boys' house. Wow. Fredonia Fest. Fair world of Palmerston. No, that's- Oh, Palmerston was your apartment.

Fredonia was the birthday boys' one. Yes, that we recorded in, what the hell? I don't know, I got confused. I'm all scattered today, you know, there's two things going on. First off, I didn't get great sleep. I woke up at like, you know, two hours before my great sleep. I woke up at like two hours before my alarm. So I was up at like 430.

And so I've been up for eight hours as of the start of this record. I woke up two hours after my alarm, so 430 PM. But also Mitch, I'm dealing with this little curveball that I created for myself. This is a mess of my own making. I have migrated my show outlines from Google Docs, which I use for many years, to pages.

So I'm using a different app for my show outlines. So it's just kind of got me in a different sort of, I feel like I'm looking at this more than normal. Now I feel like I've been awake for eight hours. I play your job. We got to introduce our guest. We're sleeping boys. Big time.

We have very similar sleep schedules. We're sleepin' boys. And you know what? Well, it's for, Jimmy's looking my leg, it's very cute. It's for a different episode we're recording, but. That's right, we have- Last night was a late night for me. We'll talk about it when we get into that.

But also we will have gone into it two months earlier maybe? Yeah, so these episodes where, look, we're, Mitch, play the drop. We'll introduce our guest, we'll give context for everything. If I don't want to play the drop. Play the drop. What does that do to you if I don't play the drop? I guess I could just introduce the guest.

No, you can't do that. It would hurt my feelings, Mitch, is what it would do. I'm not going to have this be the first episode we don't play a drop, even though I'm sure we've forgotten it in the past. I'm sure we have. Jimmy just got on the couch next to you. And for that, Jimmy, Emma hit him with the drop.

When she tasted my acai bowl, she literally spit it out and went, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. How do you say it? Acai? Kip people can't even pronounce it. Kai or acai, Kep people can't even pronounce it. Kai or Sour Assai? Kep people can't even pronounce it.

Wow wow wow wow wow wow wow. Assai, which is a word I usually normally know. Mm-hmm. Kep people can't even pronounce it. I was looking at phonetic pronunciation. I saw a few different sources. I think it's assai. That's it.

That's it. That's the drop. Hi guys, a Brazilian funk drop inspired by the Acai debate. You guys nailed the pronunciation, but don't worry either way, no one here pronounces hamburger properly. Wow, a Brazilian listener love Fabricio from Brazil. Wow. Fabricio. Wow, thanks Fabricio. That's cool as hell. That isio. Wow, thanks Fabricio.

That's cool as hell. That is cool. How do they say hamburger in Brazil? I don't know. I don't know, in Portuguese it's like a hamburguesa. Or I mean in Spanish it's hamburguesa, I don't know what it is in Portuguese. Are they doing the Steve Martin Clueso?

Hamburguer. That's for 15 minutes. That's probably what it is. Herberger. Drops at birdfuck.com. Our guest today from Blank Check with Griffin and David and masters of the universe revolution, the king of cranch.

Hell yeah. Return to the show in studio, Griffin Newman is here. Hi Griffin. Thank you so much for having me guys. Thanks so much for being here. I'll just say, cause Mitch was talking about it, we were recording two episodes back to back. The episode we're doing after this is the doughboys double

for Pink for a month of Alexander Payne movies. You're going to be defending the film downsizing. And probably will be taken to court when the episode is over. Drag straight into the Supreme Court. That episode will be out before this episode. So we're going to be kind of a sort of a doing a temporal pincer maneuver with these two episodes. That's a movie. But we're going to power through these two episodes. That's a movie. But we're gonna power through it. Yeah, that's a movie reference.

I just wanna say that hamburghese sounds like fancier. I think it's a good replacement. La hamburghese? Yeah. Hamburghese sounds like it makes hamburgers. The h is silent. Hamburghese. Hamburghese.

Hamburghese. It still sounds fancy. Yeah, it does sound fancy. How about that, a Brazilian listener? How about that? Down there. Who'd have thunk? I don't know if they're, but they live in Brazil.

I think that's cool. I think that's cool. Yeah, yeah, that is cool. We're gonna make it. They were making fun of the drop that this guy sent in from Brazil. He's representing us down there in Brazil. How about that? We have a big international presence.

Bigger than I'd imagined. You don't give a shit. I do care. Why do you think I don't care? Why are you going hostile? Because it just seems like you don't give a shit. I think it's interesting. How about that?

Me too. I think it is interesting. Do you know what your second biggest country is after the United States? Do you ever look at those maps where you can see listenership? Yeah, I mean, do you know for blank check? Because for us, it's just like, it's the English speaking world. Right.

So it's a U S Canada and then the UK. And then after that, I think it's Australia. Yeah. Um, and, uh. Number two is in Sylvania. Yeah, that's a sovereign nation now. It's next to Transylvania. They had a very limp rebellion.

Canada's our second most popular after the US. Pennsylvania. Yeah. They had a very limp rebellion. Canada's our second most popular after the US. Hey! Makes sense. I think Ireland's weirdly big for us, maybe. Yeah. We haven't looked in a while. Still in the US. There are only about us over there in Ireland, huh?

Yeah. Makes sense. Yeah. About seven to 10 good Irish movies. What? Give me your seven. In the name of the father. One.

Leprechaun. Two. Leprechaun two. Okay. Leprechaun three. Can I help you out, the Irishman? Leprechaun back to the hood. Is that?

This is the mistake everyone makes. I believe leprechaun four is leprechaun in the hood and then leprechaun five is leprechaun back to the hood. It's a sequel to the first hood movie, which is why it's back to the hood. Okay. Oh, back to the first Hood movie. Oh, wow. Which is why it's back to the Hood. Okay, oh, back to the Hood. Right, it's the rare, like, my favorite kind of thing, which is a movie sequel basically being like, this is Leprechaun 4, too. Yeah.

This is the second Leprechaun 4 movie. What's your favorite Irish movie? Do you have a favorite Irish movie? That's a good question. I'm gonna look up a list while you're talking. Yeah, I'm trying to think of like what the funny answer is, but also what my honest answer is. Yeah. It's a tough one. Like if Irishman Counts, I do love the Irishman, but I don't really think title aside. I think that, yeah. I've never seen In Bruges, in a, how do you say it? In Br Bruce? Yeah, but that's I mean

It's a movie that stars two Irishmen, but I think of it mostly as a Belgian. Sure Yeah, look, I don't know this movie. This may be a great movie and Griffin you probably do know this movie But this the first one that comes up under best Irish movies is a movie that sounds like if you were making fun of Like in an improv scene, you're like come up with a title of an Irish movie. Oh, I think I know what it is.

The Wind That Shakes the Bar Law. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was a, that was a Palme d'Or winner. Wow, how about that? Ken Loach, the great Irish filmmaker. Yeah. Calvary, which I have seen, that is a great movie.

It's not Irish, maybe it's British. Benches of Inner Sharon. But that's like an Irish revolution movie. Ah, got it. Philomena, Leap Year Philomena, Leap Year. I remember Leap Year. Waking Ned Devine, I remember Blakey. You know what, I love that movie.

Waking Ned Devine is a good one. I think that's a wonderful movie. Michael, Michael Collins. Michael Collins. Yeah. Right, I'm trying to reverse engineer from like, because there is a serious tier of Irish movie stars. Crying Game.

Yeah, Neeson, Murphy, Eddie Murphy, of course. Yeah. Colin Farrell. Does, Eddie Murphy, of course. Yeah. Colin Farrell. Does Daredevil, could I count that as my favorite Irish movie? Yeah, I think so. They do play House of Pain,

Top of the Morning to you. Top of the Morning to you. I think that's one of the most sort of sensitive, thoughtful portrayals of an Irishman I've ever seen in a movie. How about this movie, just called Grabbers? Do you know Grabbers? No. Is it a horror film? Yeah, that's the Ireland tremors.

It is. Really? It is. When an island off the coast of Ireland is invaded by blood-sucking aliens, the heroes discover that getting drunk is the only way to survive. That rules.

That's pretty good. When's it from? It's from 2012. The tagline is, in case of alien attack, break glass, drink me. Wow. And it's got like. Is from 2012, the tagline is, in case of alien attack, break glass, drink me. Wow. And it's got like a beer behind glass, like a fire axe.

Grabbers. Yeah, grabbers. I like it. I wanna see grabbers now. That's also on the list of top Irish movies you're looking at. I don't know, I mean, it was a long list. I'm kidding.

What's going on? What did I do? Nothing. So you just traveled out here. Yeah. I'm curious about your travel-eat regimen, because that's a big thing of like, I don't know, I'm getting on a flight,

I'm going across the country, I'm gonna try to eat a meal beforehand. Mitch is a famous abstaining from eating anything before he gets on the plane. That's his discipline of choice. How do you approach the situation? It's tough. I have like permanent rumblies,

I would say semi-permanent rumblies. I have a very sensitive stomach. I do find that if I am on any flight longer than three hours, let's say, New York to LA certainly qualifies. I do feel like it messes up my digestive system for like 48 hours after the flight. Regardless of what I eat, I think it's something about,

I don't know if it's about the pressure. I don't know if it's because like on a plane, I am more self-conscious about going to the bathroom. Just feeling dry, I feel like, is part of it. I feel like feeling dry. and then it's usually like, I often try to do early morning flights, and I think usually on days where I'm not flying, there was a complicated regimen for the first two hours of my day

to try to like set my body in balance. Yeah, for sure. That involves like four different types of beverages and routines. Wait, what are the beverages? Water. You gotta get a water. Water. Okay. Trying to guess them?

Yeah, why not? Coffee? Yep. Okay. Green tea? You know what? Athletic Greens. Athletic Greens, oh, sponsor.

They started like sending me the product and it's one of the sponsors on Blank Check that I was like, yeah, this actually worked for me. And I feel like they stopped sponsoring and now competitor sponsors. And I wouldn't admit this on Blank yeah, this actually worked for me. And I feel like they stopped sponsoring and now competitor sponsors. And I wouldn't admit this on blank check, but here I feel safe. I just re-up with athletic greens.

That's like working for me. So there's like straight water, water with athletic greens in it, coffee. And then the fourth answer is kind of a trick answer, I would say. Slurpee? Decaf coffee. Oh, decaf coffee.

You do one cup of full strength, one cup of decaf. And then I'm like, I need to trick my body into thinking more coffee is running through my system without peeking on caffeine. That's what you got right now, decaf coffee. That's my second cup always. And then I do like a immunity boost shot. You know those things you see in the supermarket?

Sure. Some version of that, which is kind of like a one quarter portion of a beverage, if you will. Yeah, a Unkar. So I'd say they're four and one fourth beverages. Yeah. Those movies were so successful, so big, stuck in everyone's heads that you can just say,

give me the Unkar, they'll know. Yeah, it's just a unit of measurement. I don't wanna, look, I don't wanna start a fight here. And I do wanna say, the blank dough text thread, right? Yes. Which by the way, I saw Tammy Sager recently, friend of the podcast. Great dough boys guest.

One of the greatest. And we were on the same show in Brooklyn. The first thing she said to me was, what's the most recent text in blank though? I now get people asking me that because the amount of times that both of our shows will name check things said in the thread. Yeah, sure.

That people are like, I know you're never gonna post on me, but can I see the most recent text? Wow. And I believe it was three wows in a row. That's very funny. It was like Sim saying that he liked whatever chain you had just covered on the most recent episode

followed by three wows. But you will, I've said this maybe before on this show, but like being on a text chain with you guys is a little bit like playing a text based RPG version of Doughboy, where you can kind of trigger you guys to do the bits. Yeah, sure. You know, the bits are real. Yeah. And they happen naturally and organically.

I've talked about Last Jedi on blank dough. You will, I would say, at least once every other month, if not more often, fairly late at night, throw out as if it's a new thought, you know, I think Last Jedi might be my least favorite movie of all time. You throw it out like it's a new realization that has hit you. Yeah. And then Sims, Wiggs, and I all time. You throw it out like it's a new realization that has hit you.

Yeah. And then Sims, Wiggs and I all say, I love it. And you call bullshit on all three of us. Bullshit, I do call bullshit on him a lot. But every time it's like, it's the first time this conversation's been had. Like you're like, I actually think I don't like that movie. In fact, I think I hate it.

But we say, we still love it. Yeah. And then you want to litigate it. Look, I'll say where I think a lot of it comes from is that I'm on a text thread with Weiger with another Last Jedi hater. You know who it is. Mike Carlson. So we have a separate thread.

We have our wrestling boys thread that's now become Backstage Boys. And that is you, me, Commissioner of Incest, I don't know if he's on all these. I don't know how he's not on Blank Doe, but just likely he just sort of snuck in there. I feel like I have on so many friends where Suser's just the extra guy. We can talk about lunch without having him

try to get in on the order. Like so is it no Suser zone? So it's one of the few ones. I guess what you guys are getting, but it's you, me, Mike Carlson, and Suser, and it's a lot of Last Jedi hate, and I just abstain from discussion there. Yeah. Yeah, it's not a thing I want to litigate.

The point I wanted to make here was specifically, I feel like, and this is a years-long thing, but you citing Unkar Plot as like an example of, look how shitty these new modern characters are. They don't have any staying power. And I'm like, the mere fact that Unkar Plot keeps getting talked about, I think it proves that I think, because I will say something.

That is our doing. Also, by the way, shit, I wish it was, we have them. Don't we have them? I think you might be. Do we have a plot? Is there a plot? There is a plot. Is there a plot on premises?

There is a plot on premises. Instead, we have our little buddy, JJ, standing up here today. He did it. No, I think he definitely did it. Mint on card plot. Wow, how about that? In box. In box, in card plot, packaging a little dented. Yeah. I think that you're wrong. I think that this character is remembered because we're

forced ourselves to remember it. Okay, here's my take. And obviously what has complicated this is you specifically have done so much work of making Plut stick more in the cultural mindset. Sure. Right? Like you might be,

it might be a problem of your own making. The more you argue that Unkart Plut isn't memorable, the more memorable he becomes. But I would also say compared to like Salacious Crumb, who I think we're all on the same page with, right? That guy undeniably. A legend. A winner. Yeah. He's got the juice, right?

Unkar Plutt is, I think, one of the few characters in the Disney Star Wars era movies that I like on balance a lot more than you, who I do think has like a little bit of hope in the Disney Star Wars era movies that I like on balance a lot more than you, who I do think has like a little bit of hookiness. This is so insane. Because I think it's an area in which the modern movies fuck up is like the background aliens aren't really popping.

No, for sure. They don't have the little like two scene, one line guys who just kind of stick in your craw in the way that we've all been like spinning on fucking Hammerhead for decades. This is a criticism I've heard. And Plut's got something. Plut's got the juice.

This is a criticism I've heard our buddy Ryan Perez voice. And I think he's maybe said this on his podcast, Mama Needs a Movie, which is that he's always liked the Star Wars from a creature standpoint. These are creature movies. There's lots of cool creatures. And the modern trilogy does not have as many creatures. And I just think they don't cover them well.

Like, you see behind the scenes photos where you're like, they designed great things. But he's like not giving them moments. JJ Rizzo in the first one, and then I feel like Last Jedi's got like a lot of story stuff on its plate. There are little guys who pop for me like in a moment, but I was like, that trilogy could use 20 more plots.

Are you sure? Like, whose plot is that, that trilogy could use 20 more Plutz. Are you sure? Like whose Plut is that by the way? This was given to us. So is that yours? It is mine officially, I believe. Cause I kind of think, that's mine! This is the thing you can quote Plut!

Plut has quotes that can be recognized. He does. You can do an impression and people know the voice. Yeah, for sure. You got specific things. Hold on a second and people know the voice. Yeah for sure No, he wants one quarter portion of a thing it's got a fucking handle on stuff he's like that's mine Because we just talk about those My point either plot inherently has the juice or you've made him have the juice,

but I also think you can riff on Plut in a way you can't on other characters because he has shit. You're not making fun of Thurm Scissor Punch being shitty. He looks good. He's got a great name, but he doesn't fucking register on screen,

whereas Plut you can mock because there's something tangible there. Yeah. Look at this fucking JJ. Yeah, I mean, that sucks. Look at this fucking JJ. Yeah, I mean, that sucks. Look at this thing. Why does he have his arms crossed?

What is, like, what is, why is the JJ toy like, why is he angry? Can I give you my, like, nerd toy boy opinion? Yes, and wet hair too. By the way, do pop figurines, do they have a default position? They don't have a default position, but I do think, especially with more civilian type characters and more limited run type ones, they will sometimes reuse bodies.

Oh, wow. So, like, they're all digitally sculpted. There's not a default position. And I do think they often use body language to try to sell a character because there's no fucking facial likeness. That helps if they're in the memorable pose. But especially when they do their director ones, I remember seeing the Paul Fiegg one and being like,

I think that's like a Kingsman repaint. Like they went like, who's got a nice suit, you know? And the director line, it's like the Russo brothers, you're like, they're in Sculpting Brothers. New bodies for the brothers. They're just guys in shirts. Who the fuck owns the Russo brother and JJ Abrams pop figurines?

They're not gonna waste the money building a new sculpt. They're just like, is there anyone in the supporting cast of billions with their arms crossed who we could just put JJ's head on? And I'm like, that also might not be an original head. They might've found another, you know.

It could be like a gadhead. It could be a gadhead. This could be a gadhead. It could be a Louis Tully. Could absolutely be a Louis Tully, yeah. What are, is there another name for these type toys? Pop figurines? Funko Pops?

Oh, Funko Pops, Funkos. Okay, here we go. I think that's a good figure. I look in a plot, and I'm like, a kid could act out many scenarios with a plot. It's well-made. It's a nice toy. Well, also it has his very memorable hook gun. Yes. Oh yeah, of course his hook gun.

It's included with it, his hook gun. Oh yeah, you remember that? Yeah, yeah, of course. Here's a fun tidbit about that toy. There's a deleted scene, I don't know if you guys have seen, where Plut shows up back at Maz Kanata's Cantina demanding his ship back and Chewbacca rips his arm off.

Yes, yeah. Right. Which is like JJ calling back the like notion that a Wookie could rip your arm off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. And so the toy has a removable arm. Interesting. That is fun. Yeah, for a scene that no longer is in the movie.

It's good they cut that scene. Because they show him again later, right? Or they don't. No, they don't. They show him a flashback. You see, yes, I guess when- Because there's this weird thing of Rey was given to him or something like that. Right, you see him holding her back

as her parents fly away. Yeah, that's it, yeah, I see, yeah, yeah. I think plot's good. Never got closure on the Knights of Ren. What's going on with them? Yeah, I don't know, it's weird. Because everything else was really tied up. It's weird, it's almost like if you dig

on any of these Star Wars sequels, you can find a big shit hole to fall into. The junk boss of Jakku, Unkar, runs a profitable business stealing, scavenging, and selling scrap on the desert world, sorry, it's very small print. If defied, he calls upon his gang of desert thugs to take what he wants. He just sounds cool.

He's fun, he's got a game. Right, right, right. Yeah. He's got some lore. Plut's good. Plut's good. Plut's good. Don't troll me like this.

No one's trolling you. So we did, here's what I would- Plut's good. Plut's good. And then you say, you're not trolling me Plots good. I like we're not trolling you the world is richer for having plot. I agree What if it was anything else? Creature one likes balutique. I agree with you the balutique socks

Yeah, we had a constable Zuvio around we were doing before the movie and then there was like constable Zuvio had no legs He's just isn't in it. Yeah, exactly. Straight up not in it. We questioned if Snoke was big or not. That was the thing, and then the resolution of Snoke being not really big, but not really small. He's like a kind of big. He's like a new bowl size. Yeah, exactly.

He's like a- He's not a giant. He's like Victor Wemba Nyama. Yeah, he's a Wemba Nyama size. He's a Wemba Nyama, yeah. Yeah. You think if Snoke was, you know, it's sad if he was born in a different galaxy,

he'd maybe be playing in the NBA instead of being evil. He could have been Hooping. Yeah. See, this is the kind of like with a rich character starting point like Snoke, you can sort of just spin off in this expanded universe. Like you're doing it. You're like the possibilities in storytelling with Snoke are infinite. Is that he plays in the NBA? What you're saying, what a sad reality that he didn't get drafted. Maybe if that had happened,

he wouldn't have turned out to be an evil despot. We don't know anything about him. We get so, look. I know a lot about him. He's kind of big. I looked this up because it reminded me of this tweet. This is from Terry Rozier, scary Terry. Oh yeah.

Celtics great. Osama should have hooped instead of trying to kill people cause he tall as hell. It's true. It is true. It's a good point. It's a really good point. I love that guy. Yeah.

Great. Can we say the author? We're playing the heat right now? I mean, we're not, I mean, was this stated? Sorry. This will be very much in the past. The Celtics will probably, in all likelihood, the betters favorite. Don't you dare Hillary Clinton this shit.

They will have won the NBA title by now. Don't Hillary Clinton my fucking Celtics. I'm not Hillary-ing anything. Yeah, you are trying to. I'm not trying to Hillary anything. You are trying to. They probably won their 19th championship at this point. But they, but Terry Roger as now on the,

it's 19, right? They're at 18? I think it's 19. 18. This will be 18? Mm-hmm. Okay. Whatever it is, they are, they are, you know, they'd be- Do I have it wrong?

They will be the, they will be the leader in- I think I have it wrong, Mitch. They will be the leader in championships. I have it wrong? They will be the, they will be the leader in- I think I have it wrong, Mitch. They will be the leader in championships. I have it wrong? I think they already have 18. I think they already have 18. I think Lakers and Celtics are tied at 18. Wow.

If you count the Minneapolis championships, which Mitch doesn't. Mitch and Bill Simmons both don't count the Minneapolis championships. Same franchise. Anyway- This will be 18. This will be 18. Okay. So they both tied at 17.

Don't come at the King, man. Well played. Terry, Terry Ro So they booked that at 17. Don't come at the king, man. Well played. Terry, Terry Rozier now on the Miami Heat. That's right. Was on the Celtics at a certain point, now on your rival Heat. Because hopefully the Celtics have, have beat them in the first round. Yeah, they're gonna be, I could fucking walk over them.

He's trying to jinx. I'm not trying to jinx anything. Sick fuck. I'm not trying to jinx anything, Mitch. I'm saying what's in my heart. I think the, all the likely- You're Robert Durst over here. You're a little Robert Durst. I'm not Durst in this. You are Dursting, man. I'm not Dur to jinx anything. Sick fuck. I'm not trying to jinx anything, Mitch. I'm saying what's in my heart. I think the likely is- You're Robert Durst over here.

You're a little Robert Durst. I'm not Durst in this. You are Dursting it. I'm not Dursting anything. You're Dursting it a little. You're Dursting it a little. You're Dursting it a little bit. You gotta admit.

No. I mean, if I was Dursting it, I'd be talking about the chocolate starfish in the hot dog-flavored water. That's the kind of Durst I am. You did walk into the Headgum Studio today with 18 small garbage bags. You said, can I keep them here for a little bit? Okay, so you were talking about your, this was your morning routine,

but when you're traveling, what changes? What changes is I'm usually in a panic when I'm getting ready to fly. And so my morning routine is rushed and there's not the same sort of, and if I'm booking in a panic when I'm getting ready to fly. Yeah. And so my morning routine is rushed and there's not the same sort of, and if I'm booking an early flight, I'm waking up too early

or I'm not gonna allot myself the proper, what my father used to call a Papa executive privilege time. My father would wake my brother and I up and then would go into the bathroom with like three cups of coffee and five newspapers. And be like, I'll see you boys in an hour. You better be dressed and ready to go to school.

Set up shop in there. You would just set up shop. And it was like an hour where if like we knocked on the door, cause there was like some argument that had to be settled. There was usually like an argument every morning of like at what point in the morning do we have to switch from sports center

to Nickelodeon or vice versa. My brother and I like fighting over who gets the TV. Yeah. Because you got to have Sports Center on there. I know you. You know me. Yeah. Yeah. My brother into this fucking baby shit, wants to watch Rugrats. And I was like, grow up, catch a ball for once. My brother is an accomplished athlete, sports businessman. My brother is an accomplished athlete, sports businessman. But yeah, if we knocked on the door, he would be unhappy. And also it felt like it was like Chernobyl in there. Sure. Yeah.

The paint was peeling off the walls. And I do feel like as I've gotten older, it's like I have my Griffin executive privilege time where there's gotta be an absolute space before anything is on my radar. I play the Cinematrix, I play whatever. Yeah, sure. Morning, New York Times connections or whatever.

And I think when I'm traveling, that gets removed from my cycle. And I'm also just like panicked of like, do I have an aisle seat? If I'm inside, do I have to crawl over someone to go to the bathroom? Right. What am I eating before? Like before this flight, I did like at the airport

cup of coffee, toasted bagel with butter. Fun. Just like super simple. What kind of bagel? That's good. Everything. Wow, okay. Yeah. You do butter a lot, you say? I do, I love like my, it's probably my favorite food item is like an everything bagel toasted with lox, scallion cream cheese, tomato,

raw onion capers. Well, you maybe don't want to load up on that before you get on a cross country food. Correct. So yeah, keep it simple. And sometimes I'm just like, let me go easy on myself. Just do a classic toasted bagel with butter. That's usually a good like set my morning balance.

Another brand that has sponsored you guys that has never sponsored Blank Check, but Magic Spoon I've been buying recently. Oh yeah. Well, Magic Spoon in the been buying recently. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Well, Magic Spoon in the morning. There you go. Sets me right as well, cause it's high fiber. Yeah, sure.

Yeah, it's only, it's very low carbs. Yeah. I forget our copy, but it's- Well, you don't need to have it at the top of your head. It's fine. It's delicious. Yeah, it is good. Check out its new flavor. I forget they always, there's a new flavor.

They haven't advertised with us for a while. Yeah, I don't think you have to shut that out. I think you're fine. I think Magic Spoon is, I don't know if they listen anymore. Use promo code Griffin in buying new Magic Spoon. Peter Griffin's eyes just look. You just got the family guy, guys, some money.

I'm a huge bagel guy, but like I said, I don't eat anything on a flight. Yeah, I try to keep it really simple. Yeah, I gotta fly, I gotta go back east in a week or two. And you know what, I don't wanna freak out. You just got me worked up about freaking out before you fly. I don't wanna, I just packing.

You'll be fine, you know what to do. I know, it's just such a fucking pain in the ass. Well, give yourself plenty of leeway, give yourself a head start. Be like, you know what to do. I know, it's just such a fucking pain in the ass. Well, give yourself plenty of leeway, give yourself a head start. Be like, you know, I'd normally pack this far in advance, I'm gonna give myself like an extra day or whatever. I always. Nick, let's be real good.

Yeah, this is the thing. We're the same mission. I'm 41 years old, it's just not gonna, things aren't gonna change. Do the laundry right before you leave and you take it out of the dryer and right into the suitcase. That's what I do. That's smart. That's what I do.

I do that, I do do. That's what I do. That's smart. That's what I do. I do that a lot. I do laundry. I never even try to get as ambitious as what you just suggested or optimistic, but I am like, you know what? This upcoming trip is gonna be the one where I pack the night before. I'm gonna do it right one time.

And without fail, I always pack 45 minutes before I need to leave my apartment in a panic. Yeah. Yeah. But I need the pressure. I need to leave my apartment in a panic. Yeah. Yeah, but I need like the pressure. I kind of already have a go bag. I'm like pretty much like throwing like a few pair of underwear in there or whatever. Oh, you're ready to go.

What else is in that? Don't worry about it. It's just a few pairs of underwear. No, I've got like a few. I've got like a, I got a bag that's kind of that I usually travel with. Car plot doll, lube. A lot of urgans. I've got a bag that's kind of that I usually travel with. Carp-rod doll, lube. A lot of urgans.

I've got a bag I usually travel with, and I keep travel toiletries and stuff that's just kind of set up in there. That I've started doing, where I have a travel toiletries bag with travel-sized versions of the items I like. Yeah. And just have that kind of perpetually ready to go. So that's an easy pack and I don't get there

and go like, oh fuck, I forgot toothpaste. Travel toothbrush, like a cheap hair brush I got at CVS cause I don't have to worry about bringing my hair brush from home. Just like anything I like from a drug store, I'm gonna buy two or three of. So I have the one I keep at home, I have a backup and I have one that's in the toiletries bag

for any time I travel. Last time was at CVS. Travel flesh light. Well, here's the thing I was gonna say. I have one that's in the toiletries bag for any time I travel. Last time I was at CVS. Travel, travel flesh light. Yeah. Well, here's the thing I was gonna say. A little mini flesh light. I was gonna say, Mitch. Last time I was at CVS, I saw they had butt plugs. Did you know they sell butt plugs at CVS? Travel butt plugs? Not even travel butt plugs. Just like a regular butt plug.

Yeah. What has happened in our society, Wigs? Butt plugs at CVS? CVS has butt plugs. What's happening? I'm just surprised that sex toy usage- What were you looking for that you found the butt plugs at CVS. CVS has butt plugs. What's happening? I'm just surprised that sex toy usage- What were you looking for that you found the butt plugs? I was just wandering about. Weiger, I've noticed the same thing. They do have cock rings too. They've cock rings.

I've seen just like walking by, like going to like get a drink and like there's vibrators on display. Yeah, I've noticed that. Sex toy use- They put them in family planning now. Sex toy use has become so normalized, which I think is a good thing,

which should be sex positive, I suppose, but I'm just like surprised. I'm like- It's jarring when you first see it. I'm like, I'm sex negative, personally. Yeah. You tested negative for having sex. I tested negative.

I took a test. The thing I've noticed, which kind of blows my mind, is like in the sort of travel sample size section where it's like all those little plastic bins, at least at some of the CVSs in New York, they now have like travel size vibrator. Wow. Like do you want like a cheap $10 vibrator?

Yeah, sure. That's like mini. Right. It's like mini, like how a toothbrush will be small in a travel bag. Yeah, and it's also like, you know, just if you don't wanna take your good one with you. Yeah, sure.

Like a junk one that you don't mind if you leave it in the hotel. Yeah, TSA throws it in the garbage, it's fine. Yeah, and it's also like, you know, just if you don't want to take your good one with you. Yeah, sure. Like a junk one that you don't mind if you leave it in the hotel. Yeah. TSA throws in the garbage, it's fine. Yeah, right. That's fascinating. Yeah. Wow.

That's, this is insane. I have never seen this at CBS. Look for it next time. Yeah. No, I'm not going to go look for it. I'm not going to. You need to look for it. Do you feel threatened?

My question is why does, why, I guess this is, but it kind of is depressing because it feels like late stage capitalism, CBS now covers every single item that you could need. It's a sex toy shop. It's, you know what I mean? I know what I'm saying. It's like, shouldn't that be in a sex toy shop?

We're taking away from the noble sex toy shop guys. No, I'm with you. That's like very often a small business, you know, the local adult shop. Mom and pop pervert. Exactly, but I think those were already being, you know, their market share was already being eaten by Amazon, which was selling the stuff online.

And I think people just liked the discretion of getting it mailed to you. And people, if you want the good shit, you gotta go to a mom and pop. Yeah, exactly. We're just simple folk here, running the porno shop for generations. Whitlin' dildos in multiple sizes. We got old time cock rings. This one's vintage. Abraham Lincoln wore one of these. He had a top hat shaped dick, you know. Flat at the top.

It was a reverse top hat. A reverse top hat. The tip of his penis was the brin. John Wilkes Booth shot off the tip of it actually. It's a first failed attempt. Okay, so where were we? Okay, this is the thing I had to ask about. You have a major update on a thread from last episode.

You told me this was an urgent business we need to get to before we get to tomorrow. This isn't even from last episode. This is from four full years ago. Four full years ago, wow. I cannot remember if this was touched upon the last time I would have been on for the Eataly episode, but it's certainly something,

a thread that was started in 2020. Wow. Deep pandemic, early pandemic, I should say actually, when you had David Sims, my blank check co-host and I on to talk about Tombstone the Pizza. Yeah, Tombstone Week. We did Tombstone the Movie and Tombstone the Pizza, consecutive double and main feed episodes.

That's right. And I talked about scouring New York City at a time where I was like, this is a good excuse to get out of the house and go to grocery stores, a semi-safe activity, wearing gloves and masks and in a plastic bubble and whatever. I believe we did do grocery store month during pandemic. We did.

Yeah. Do you remember the full name? Green Grocer Mitch's Grocery Store. Friendly Green Grocery Spoon Man's Grocery Store Month. Wow. So I think that episode was like April maybe. And in it, I talked about going all across New York City to like 10 plus different grocery stores

within walking distance, trying to find as many different flavors of Tombstone as I could. Outside of the obvious ones, because I went on their website and I was like, they got 20 other flavors I've never seen in the wild. You see cheese and pepperoni in store generally. Maybe you get a combo. Maybe a supreme. Maybe a combo. Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And what really fascinated me was the garlic bread crust, which sounded- That's right. So enticing. And I couldn't find it anywhere. And talked about it on the show. And then Tombstone slid into my DMs. This is May 9th, 2020. Hi, we can hook it up when things get a little back

to normal, sunglasses emoji, prayer hands emoji. We might not be able to get the garlic bread. That depends on which stores closest to you have them, but we can definitely send you some other goodies. Wow. Now I sent that message to you guys at the time, called it out on the show, and you were like, why isn't Tombstone sliding into our DMs?

I responded, that'd be great, thank you so much, I'm obviously a big fan, of course, thanks for spreading the love. That's May 11th, 2020. Then September 4th, 2022, over two years later, I messaged, any updates on the garlic bread pizzas? Still haven't been able to find them in the wild. No response.

Forgot about it. People go through archives of podcasts. Someone tags me on the blank check Reddit. R slash blank is a very normal place for even killed online discussion. Saying, hey, I was listening to old doughboys. I caught the narrative of the tombstone search for the garlic bread pizza, them sliding into his DMS.

Did we ever get resolution on that? Did Griff ever get to try? Did they ever send them goodies? And I went, no, you're fucking right. Never happened. So I messaged him again this Thursday, bumping this again. And I messaged you guys and I'm like is there an oven at head gum yes because I might be pulling off the coup of a century and I want to

fucking bake some garlic bread pizzas and bring them in here they respond to me our where to buy tool may be able to help you with finding a store that has them stock near you I click on that not in stock anywhere in these states of New York or California man the entire states. These are big states. Yeah, I was like, can I buy one in New York, bring it over? Can I find one once I land in LA?

Yes. It was like, Jersey has a couple of them on the outskirts, maybe. But also the kind of thing where you might get to the store and they're like, we don't have fucking garlic bread pizza. So I respond to them, hi, it actually does not help. Item does not seem to be for sale anywhere in New York or California trying to acquire

in order to review on a podcast. And at just 10 a.m. today. Today. Today. Almost a week later, they respond to me. Not a week later, I'm realizing three days later. Well, we would love for every retailer to carry all of our products, most based on consumer demand and purchasing trends.

If you aren't seeing it on shelves, we encourage you to speak with the store manager and submit a product request form at the customer service desk so they can order it. The UPC code is 71921-14208. Now I am suggesting that we put that UPC code in the notes for this episode, flash it on screen for the video episode. Wow. Okay. And metastasize the Doughboy's Army to start fucking like ballot stuffing.

No, I'm all in for this. The only way we're ever trying this is if there starts being a major public outcry for this product on store shelves. No, we saw what the Doughboyz army could do with the capital, so... Yeah. Put that energy to good use. I think we could do it. And I want these stores to be like, holy shit, people are desperate for this garlic bread.

Let's get nationwide distribution. It looked fucking good. We were all intrigued by it. It looked incredible. And we're just like, there's no way good now at a certain point in time I think in 2020 it seemed like there were five different garlic bread crust right they had a garlic bread Variation for all of their main flavors now. It's just down to garlic bread pepperoni We just want to get that one type of pizza out there so once again UPC code 7 1 9 2 1 1 4 2 0 8 here it is right here there So once again, UPC code 7192114208.

Here it is right here. There it is right there at the bottom of your screen. This is actionable now. Take that UPC code, take it from the show notes, take it from the YouTube description, copy paste it and put it on blast on social media and tag at Tombstone or whatever they're, do we know what it is?

Not the movie, don't tag the movie. Don't tag the movie Tombstone. The account is also like a tag grocery store tag grocery store email grocery stores Go in with the the numbers tattooed on your chest Find a manager and yell at him at tombstone pizza at tombstone pizza at tombstone pizza at tombstone pizza at tombstone pizza Don't you know not at tombstone? Cuz that's the movie. That the movie movie and you know have kilmer yelling at ya I think you should tag you huckleberry. All right. Sorry. I think you should tag Kurt I heard tag Kurt Kurt would Kurt would do it. I think it'll help a valuable ally. Yeah tag Kurt tag Kurt Hey Kurt, who else would we want to tag from the movie? There's you got Kurt Val Kilmer. Mm-hmm Michael Bean

Yeah, we lost Paxton. Paxton's gone. Sam Elliott, can we tag Sam Elliott? Sure, tag Sam Elliott if he's on social media. Powers booth also gone, correct? We've lost Powers booth. Poor Powers booth. We don't have the powers anymore. RIP. RIP.

Rest in power. Rest in power. Rest in power. You guys. Austin Power. Tag Austin Powers. Yeah, baby. Tag Austin Powers. Yeah, baby. Tag Austin Powers. Tell your local grocery store that them stocking garlic bread pizza would make you feel very shaggy that way.

Tell them that you want that garlic bread pizza to get in your belly. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Is that two? Where's Fat Bastards? That's two. Fat Bastard is two. This is the thing about the Austin Powers franchise. And I'm listening to through on your blank check Patreon series doing the Austin Powers movies.

You think Unkar Plutt is that original after thinking about Fat Bastard? Fat Bastard definitely makes more of a meal of his girth. Like, that's like his joke. Whereas Unkar Plutt, I feel like, is just like a guy who's also big. Unkar Plutt also has portion control. Like he's big, but it's not cause he's eating babies.

Fat master is not gonna stop at one quarter portion until he goes on the subway diet maybe. But they have like in that, in the Austin Powers movies, it's like, it's just Austin and Dr. Evil in part one. Like all the other characters come about in part two. It's like, that's where we're getting, you know, mini me. And you think, like, it's probably the third character you think of in the Austin Powers franchise,

but it's not told to Austin Powers too. Well, maybe you're sort of basic Austin Powers fan. I jump to Fral Farbisna. Oh, I do love Fral Farbisna. Scott Evil? You forgot about Scott Evil? Scott Evil, yeah. I'm just saying, like, kind of like in terms of mainstream awareness. Sure, sure. People think of mini me. Oh, you're talking mainstream powers Evil? Yeah, I'm just saying like kind of like in terms of mainstream awareness. People think of mainstream.

Oh, you're talking mainstream power stuff? Yeah, okay. That makes sense. Mimi had the juice. It makes sense. Get another Austin Powers out here, you know what I mean? I'm waiting for Austin Four. They could do it. I think it's time. I texted you guys this, but he has, for many years now,

threatened to do a Broadway musical that's a prequel, Origin of Austin, that's a prequel, origin of Austin, that Mike Myers would write and Burt Bacharach wrote a bunch of songs for before he died. That's right. It's like Burt Bacharach's last work. Wow. And when he died, they put out some multidis box set

of like his whole career and a bunch of the powers tracks are on there and they're fucking good. Yeah, I'm sure they are. Yeah. And they like attached a director, they announced in like 2020, like this is going to Broadway and it has not happened dance numbers would be so fun And they figure how to do like the you know, the the hiding nudity bit on stage. I'm sure that'd be so good

That'd be pretty good incredible. Yeah, but you slip up and the shows in a lot of trouble. Yeah You know, I guess you could say like there might be nudity. Yeah, you know There's a chance we mess up and there might be nudity. And there might be nudity. And I think that's kind of a blanket announcement they make before any Broadway show. Right. Really?

Yeah. You know, you go see guys and dolls, you might see a hog by mistake. They always say that before The Lion King. They're like, look, we're hoping none of these cast members expose themselves to the audience, but you don't know. I'll say this, Griff, This is a testament to blank check. Yeah.

My podcast co-host won't travel with- That's me. This guy right here. Won't travel with me, won't go on tour, but he is willing to fly to New York. I've been on tour with you countless times. I've said this- I've done so many dates with you.

I'm taking a little bit of a break. And I agree. I think the break is good. It's good. Doesn't want to tour this year, but would fly to New York City to do an episode of Blank Check. I have offered for the... If this is... This is true. If the issue is, if you're there,

and if I could be there, then we could all finally do an episode in person, I am willing to do that. Yeah, we could figure that out. We tried to make it happen last year. We did. And it was tied to what you thought was going to be an East Coast trip, and then it got kind of screwed up by Rider Strike Twisted Metal release schedule stuff. Yes. But I, no, I appreciate that deeply.

Yeah. It hasn't happened yet, and Sims isn't going to come out here. Let's be realistic. Sims doesn't get on planes. Yeah. Sims just doesn't get, hard line, doesn't get on planes? Yeah. Damn. He said the last time he got on a plane was early 2020, and he thinks he may never get on planes. Yeah. Sims just doesn't get, hard line, doesn't get on planes? Yeah. Damn.

He said the last time he got on a plane was early 2020 and he thinks he may never get on one ever again. Wow. Yeah. I get it. Early 2020. Mitch, it could be worse. It could be worse.

It could be worse. We've never done a tour. It's true. Never done a tour, never on a plane. Sims has a thing I understand of like, first off, I get claustrophobic. So that's an issue. I I have a fear of heights, which I think he also has.

And he's a big dude. That's the other thing. Mitch, you understand as a big dude flying, like that is really uncomfortable. It feels like you maybe will like, you know, you'll be the extra weight that takes the plane down. Right.

You know, like you're like, maybe I'm just like a tad too big and I'm, you know what I mean? Or like- And leg room too, head room, hitting your head in the fucking bathroom, that sucks. As a big guy leaning against the window, you're like, am I gonna just like, you know,

break the window and get sucked out? There's stuff like that. There's big guy thoughts that you have. I mean, they may be crazy, but you're like, am I gonna fall through the floor of the plane and out the, you know? Right. There's stuff like that you think can happen.

I think I've told you this Mitch, but Stuart Wellington of the Flophouse Great Podcast, dear friend of mine, has for a couple years now, continually soft pitched the idea of he and I starting a show called Travel Buddies. Cause the other two Flophouse guys don't love traveling. Yeah. And he loves doing live shows

and I love doing live shows and also love traveling. And then we're like, it's just a podcast basically about the fact that we have podcast co-hosts who don't wanna do this. And we just pick a city and then do a live show about traveling to that city. You got a third host. This is the thing sometimes.

And then we're just like, could we build like a traveling Wilburys of like, who's the one guy in each podcast team that still wants to be doing it. Yeah. You got your, it's either a big fat party animal or a right early nerd. Sure.

And I definitely am a big fat party animal. Those are clean types that map on. It's a testament to you guys that he's willing to go to New York. Well, when is this episode coming out? I don't know. Sometime. Probably June. We don't know. We don't have an exact date yet. I might be near New York for a stretch.

Yeah. We'll figure it out. We do have a New York headgum studio. That's the other thing. We have a New York headgum studio. So it could have a double utility. New York headgum studios? Did you not know about this? No, I didn't know. You're saying this with like,

New York headgum studios? It reminds me, who's Bart's the villainous Bart that looks like Bart? Oh, it's, it's, Eliza is the Lisa. Who's the other, it's not Mort, is it? Oh, it might be Mort. That's funny. That's what you imagine New York.

It had done this all. New York, hey, come on. Evil versions of all the hunks. What the hell is that? I mean, there are certainly gonna be hunks in New York. There's the Shelbyville Bart, but that's not who you're thinking of. You're thinking of the evil Bart,

and you're not thinking of Hugo, his evil twin. No. No. You were thinking of... Or the good twin. Right, Hugo is the good one. Hugo, Hugo, yeah. That's my twist at the end of that treehouse of horror. You're thinking of from the episode

where two other characters come and solve the problem. Oh, right. Before Bart and Lisa are able to get to it. Is that the itchy and scratchy? Yes. What is that one? Is that the one where, fuck. It's the...

They lose the rights to itchy and scratchy because they refer to... It's the day the laughter the rights to itchy and scratchy because they revert to... Is that what it's called? It might be day the laughter died. Yeah. That's what happens, it's not the crusty one, right? No, it's not crusty.

No. Is it crusty? No. But why? It doesn't matter what it is. I think it actually matters. Not to pull a rock on you, but it doesn't matter what it is. Mm-hmm. Oh. Pfft. but it doesn't matter what it is. Mm-hmm. HE LAUGHS

Something's going on with him today. I told you, I'm sleepy. You did just react like you were short circuiting. LAUGHTER No, I was realizing, I was like, I think the guest star is the father of the actor who plays Ben Franklin in the new Ben Franklin miniseries. And I realized I couldn't remember the name of that actor who is extremely famous.

Kirk Douglas. Kirk Douglas. I couldn't remember, but I couldn't even remember Michael Douglas. I was gonna say, when you said the actor who plays Ben Franklin at Franklin's series, I was like, he doesn't mean Michael Douglas because he would know that.

I meant Michael Douglas. Yeah. Who that. No, I meant Michael Douglas. Yeah, yeah. Who, you know, famously loves eating pussy. I should be thinking of this guy all the time. That's, that's my other version of Bart. Is Michael Douglas. You also. The anti-Mitch. You use him as an excuse every time

you go back to one of his places. Baby, baby, baby You want me to be like Michael Douglas get throw-cance and I don't think so. I would I used to love it Wait hold on So good at it couldn't stop me I Just tried to look up Kirk Douglas and I typed Kirk Cameron. So the things are not gonna go. Kirk Douglas Simpsons. Plays the old guy who created James Cattrie

who got ripped off by the guy. His name is Russ whatever Jr. Who's Alex Roeck. Chester J. Lamplick. Yes. And yeah, it's like liver and onions. That's like, I gave you a plate of corn muffins to paint my chicken coop and you never did it.

Make me paint my chicken coop. Like there's it. Make me, paint my chicken coop. Like there's that whole exchange with Grandpa Simpson. I think that's the episode. It is Day the Laughter died, is that what it's called? Day the Laughter died is, or Day the Violence died. Oh, okay. Day the Violence died. He was one of two centenarians

to have guest starred in The Simpsons, the other being Bob Hope. Wow. How about that? Don't worry Mitch, this is worth it. This is, it makes me explode. I never wanted it to happen. I do like Wagers Monkey sweatshirt. Oh, thank you. That's really nice.

Thank you so much. Lester and Eliza. How could we forget Lester and Eliza? Lester is a really funny name for the opposite bar. Yeah, it's very funny. Lester and Eliza. We did it. We did it. We did it.

We certainly did it. We did it. You can't say we didn't. What's Kirk Cameron up to lately? I think he's having a birthday party at Subway. You're wearing Costco gear. Yeah. What is your, how do you feel about the Costco slice? Cause we're talking pizza today.

Incredible. What's your go-to, like, do you get pep? Do you get cheese? Um, huh. I guess I do usually do just plain cheese. Okay. Me too. The slice is so cheesy and thick and large that I often feel like just the plain slice is gonna fill me right up.

I don't need anything else on top of that. Yeah, even when I was eating pork, I would usually opt for the cheese over the pep. The pepperoni slice is delicious, but sometimes it feels like, dare I say it, unga-pachka. Unga-pachka, yeah. It's the rare case of one ingredient being unga-pachka because the base item is so kind of dense as it is. And that's your choice now. It's a binary, because they've eliminated Supreme.

That's off of the menu since the pandemic. I also will say that usually what I'm doing, usually my order of business, if I'm going to that Costco food court, I'm getting the hot dog combo, and then I'm getting a slice of cheese as a sidecar. So I've already got a big meat log in one hand, so I don't necessarily need the extra meat on the cheese slice.

Infamously though, that cheese slice, more calories than the pepperoni slice. That's true, Mitch. That's a great point. Why is that? I don't know. Maybe it's just loaded with extra cheese. It's made with love. That's probably it.

That's the extra calories. Mga plachka. Loaded with extra cheese. It's made with love. That's probably it. That's the extra calories. Right there. Unga-plotchka. And see, you couldn't make that joke if the character didn't have a little stickiness. Or if I didn't have the toy right next to me too on top of that. And they wouldn't make the toy if the character didn't matter. That's when he has like three quarters portions. What is that?

When he has three quarters portions. He's like, it's Ungarplotcha. That's what JJ really fucked up in Rise of Skywalker, was not bringing carplot back for the second beat of like, maybe two quarters isn't too much. I could deserve an extra quarter every once in a while. One half. I actually genuinely think that that's not, it's better than what we saw.

Yeah. It's good. My Skywalker sucks. It's a bad movie. I'm with you 100% on that. That movie is garbage. Mitch likes it more than Last Jedi. That's his inside opinion. I don't, I mean, it doesn't matter to me as much as Last Jedi.

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Doughboys. For Sparta! Okay, we gotta talk about Sparrow. Yeah. Sparrow was previously covered in Munch Madness 2018, the tournament of champions, the slices right, where it lost in round one to Blaze pizza, which we were not particularly enthused about.

No, that's kind of a brutal loss. Did not have a good outing next to Blaze. And how far did Blaze make it after that? Man, I don't like Blaze. Blaze was out the next round. I don't like Blaze at all. Yeah. And Blaze was also falling off.

Speaking of which, Costco made some noise in that tournament, I believe. Didn't Costco win? No, Costco made it to the finals, but Domino's ended up winning. I mean, this is probably right. Yeah, I mean, it's the old definitive chain pizza, though I remember voting for, you know, for Costco,

but you can check the Doughboyz Wiki for, you know. You're just, you're basically saying, go look how Mitch fucked this up. I'm not saying anything about that. I think Domino's is a worthy winner. Sbarro was founded in Brooklyn in 1956 by Italian-American immigrants Gennaro and Carmela Sbarro. So it's like it's, there was a Sbarro family.

It was a real, yeah. It's so close to Sopranos. Carmelo Sbarro. So it's like there was a Sbarro family. It was a real, yeah. It's so close to Sopranos. Carmella Sbarro. Carmella Sbarro is so close to Carmella Soprano. I did like a tiny amount of digging, not as much research as you probably did. But it was mostly just to check. I was like, is Sbarro one of these things

that like a fast food company made up a fake name and a fake backstory? No. And it's like, oh no, this was an actual like New York slice joint. No. And it's like, oh no, this was an actual, like, New York slice joint. Yes. By real Italian Americans that then slowly grew into a thing. I was surprised that this place has, like, honest origins. Right.

Yeah. It almost doesn't make sense. No, it feels manufactured. Exactly, yes. And it feels so, you know, it's been completely genericized at this point. Like there's nothing distinctly, even at New York about it anymore.

It's just like, whatever, it's like the most, it's the most mainstream kind of feeling presentation of pizza, you know? It feels like, like the, there's a reason it's centered in food courts, where it started expanding to malls in 1970, and today most locations are in malls and shopping centers. This is a not-so-fun fact.

Both Sparrow locations in the World Trade Center were destroyed in the September 11 attacks. Isn't that wild? Two Sparrows. He should have been playing basketball. Terry Roger is right. He was right. We are getting an update. The second Sparrows has been hit.

This is unimaginable. There was one. You cannot even tally in real time the number of slices that have been lost. There are currently 630 locations in 28 countries. There was one in each tower? That's wild. Yeah, there were two of them.

Yeah. And there were two of the busiest locations apparently. Yeah. So. There is, I, sorry to go off track here. There was a Warner Brothers studio store also in in I think maybe in like the underpass between the two towers or one of them and I was like obsessed with Warner Brothers studio store as a kid and it was maybe the last standing location certainly the

last one in New York and When it closed they like pulled out of the wreckage The like signage of Bugs Bunny saying, that's all folks. Which felt very ominous. It was like all over the news. And it is now in the World Trade Center Museum, the 9-11 Memorial Museum. And it's quietly kind of the bleakest thing

where it's like this soot singed Bugs Bunny in a tuxedo that's like half burned. And then just like, that's all folks. That is insane. Yeah. Really dark. It's really dark. Anyway, fun fact. It is a fun fact, yeah. I don't trust Bugs anymore.

I don't trust Bugs Bunny anymore. Do you think he was in on it? I don't know. Do you think he was part of a sleeper cell? This weird shit that he's pulling. I mean, I don't like it. I don't like it, Bugs. Who knows with him?

He is chaotic, Bugs. He is. Yeah. They explore some of this ground in Space Jam, A New Legacy. They get into it a little bit. There's a darker side of Bugs. So we met at the Downtown LA location at the Figgett 7th Shopping Center. Which seemed pretty new.

Pretty new one. This is a recently constructed sparrow, and this is part of it. We talked about this a little bit, Griffin, but... A true disaster day. They have a food court there, which they call the Taste Food Hall, and this is like, the term food hall has now been fully diluted to a place that's got a Soboro and the Melt and a Panda Express, they're now calling it a food hall,

where it used to be more of a thing of, here's a bunch of local places where you can get stand versions of some beloved local fare. It really felt like an airport terminal. For sure. Sort of a food court where it was just like small kiosks. Some of the places feel like they probably

had more limited menus, although the spurt was pretty well stocked. Yeah, for sure. This was a full service sparrow. Yeah. So. And then just like cafeteria style seating. Yeah.

Yeah. It was an extremely busy Saturday in Los Angeles for whatever reason there was a Dodgers game That's right took me an insane amount of time to get down to the LA Times Festival of Books Yes, I don't think that that had as much to do That's a big event a lot of people go to the festival of books Mitch you kept saying that it's a major thing I think you'd joke that you'd look out at other cars on the highway and every driver was either a Mitchell or a Wig that you'd look out at other cars on the highway and every driver was either a Mitch or a Weigs, depending on which event they were going to.

Driving in opposite directions. They all fit into one to two types. No, the train, I took the train home. There are a lot of festivals. Was there an NBA playoff game that day too? Is that why? There was the Clippers game, but I don't think that was the same day.

I think that was the next day, yeah. Anyways. I know it's. Chaos. Well, yeah, and far past I know, I know it's- Chaos. Well, yeah. And far past Mank, even far past Pink, by the time that this comes out. Yeah. But can I paraphrase a line from the social network quickly? Please.

Do you know what I like about podcasting with you, Mitch? What's that? You make me look on time. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I was gonna go at one. I had other obligations. I wasn't gonna go at, I almost didn't go at all. Yeah. Yeah. And then we made this plan and I didn't wanna go. But none of us wanted to go. None of us wanted to go. We weren't like excited to go. None of us wanted to go downtown.

No one wanted to go downtown. I was excited to see you. I was excited to hang out. I was excited to see you. I know it was gonna kinda make my, give me the rumblies. It was kinda. I mean that too.

But I mean, we'll talk about this. I was surprised by how little trouble this gave me. Interesting. I ate some Tums. I was ready for gonna kinda make my, give me the rumblies, it was kinda. I mean that too. But, I mean, we'll talk about this. I was surprised by how little trouble this gave me. Interesting. I was ready for the rest of my day to be bad. Yeah. And I didn't even take that many precautions. Wow. Yeah, and I didn't feel like I had to adjust.

I drove right into Dodger's traffic, it was a nightmare, then downtown. You also drove right into Dodger Stadium, which was mistaken. I've also drove through the other side. I did drive around the base as people cheered for that. And it counted as a score. And so people liked that as well.

Shoot, Domanda, they gave you a trophy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a story for another day. That's a triple, that's a double-way triple. And I did grab a Dodger's dog on the way out. But anyways, that's a side adventure. Getting down there was tough, but then- I've heard of a line drive, but this is ridiculous.

Very good. Kind of drove around the bases. Yeah, I like it. And there's lines there. There's lines, yeah. And see, that's a joke, a sports joke that even I could get. That's what I like about it.

That's a very- You know what's funny though is I think people that like sports maybe wouldn't get it that even I could get. That's what I like about it. That's a very... You know what's funny though is I think people that like sports maybe wouldn't get it as much. Well, then you know what? I appreciate me, the underserved audience. I liked it. It was great. Yeah.

Getting down there, then that shopping center is kind of chaotic in a way. I was 10 minutes late and I kicked back and I was like, I feel like responsible. Well. Like the night just holding down. Right, because I was there at late and I kicked back and I was like I feel like responsible Well, like then I just hold him down right cuz I was there at at 12 45 Yeah, and I did I did try to text and say this is bad. It's fine I did right you just texted and said I'm gonna be more like 12 55 and anytime anyone pushes anything back I'm like then I will arrive at the exact time that they pushed it back I'm not gonna be early

I so you weren't that late. You weren't that late the exact time that they pushed it back. I'm not gonna be early. You weren't that late. You weren't that late. I was there by myself for a bit and I just was like looking about the Sabaro taking pictures and got asked if they could help me and I said I was waiting for somebody. But I was just a guy who was taking pictures of a Sparrow like a psychopath for a bit.

And then we talked about Mike Myers a lot. We did talk about Mike Myers. We did weirdly talk about Mike Myers a lot. And then I came in, I was going downstairs, walked by Dr. Dick. Yeah, I was wondering when we were going to talk about Dr. Big Dick. Dr. Big Dick. I think it was Dr. Big Dick.

Did any of us take pictures? I didn't, I felt uncomfortable taking pictures of you. But I just wish, because we're going to be paraphrasing, which is unfortunate. We're not going to be doing justice to the man's language. Well, I believe I wish, because we're gonna be paraphrasing, which is unfortunate. Yes. We're not gonna be doing justice to the man's language. Well, I believe I left, and I probably saw him before you guys did,

and I tried to text you immediately, because that was my intention was for one of you guys to maybe take a picture, I don't think it would have been a comfortable moment to take a photo. We went there on 420. Hell yeah. And there was a man standing right outside,

like at the top of the escalator, leaving that sort of mall area, who had a cardboard sign around his neck that explained that he was Dr. Big Dick, and he needed to raise money to get a penis shrinking surgery. A cock reduction surgery, I believe was his language. But there was also stuff before that about-

Because his penis was harming vaginas for being too good. There was a lot of tests. It was long. There was stuff before before that about- Because his penis was harming vaginas for being too good. It was a lot of tests. It was long. There was stuff before though that made it seem like he was a guy you could go to if you like wanna get off on a bit. Like there was like a little bit of like-

Like he was also like a gigolo perhaps. He was citing his bonafide and he was saying, I hit it too good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, it was also, it started with happy 420 where you're like, oh, this is a sign for today. Yes, right. I don't know if this man's making a new sign every day Yeah

If it was a special occasion for the holiday and he felt the need to do a special event sign is he your doctor? We don't know. I mean it's doesn't Yeah, where's your? But I walked by him uh-huh and Went down the stairs and then I said could you give me some of that dick if they cut it? Are they gonna like give you the leftover? I had, I was, I was, I was, I was holding a Dr. Small dick sign for a while.

And then, so I'm sorry that that added to the time I was late. I went downstairs. Let's also acknowledge that like at the top of the escalator, cause this food court's like all the way down at the bottom. There were like three freestanding signs specifically advertising,

Sbarro's now open. They were really pushing the Sbarro. Sbarro's the newest addition to our food court. The weird thing though, I went down there and an additional five minutes was trying to figure out where the fuck Sbarro was. It's the taste food hall. Yeah, the taste food hall.

I had seen Dr. Big Dick as I walked down the stairs. That probably was in my mind quite a bit. But then also downstairs, the Taste Food Hall was so confusing. And it was a little station within, I thought it was a restaurant. I thought Taste was a restaurant. Oh, you thought, no.

You didn't understand that it would contain other restaurants within it. You were looking for freeestanding Sabaro. I was. The signage was confusing and I will also say, in my experience with shopping centers, typically the food court is on the top level. Am I wrong about that?

I feel like that's most malls that if there's a food court, it's kind of cloistered in an upper level. I do feel like that's often the case. This was on the lowest level. This can only be described as a crater. Basically the mall is like a crater. It's a crater. And we went in there and there was a Sabaro kiosk and many other closed restaurants within this.

A lot of closed locations. The one next to it was like lights off, just dark out. Signs stripped, empty. Yeah, bizarre because it was, of course, like we said, this is now 1 p.m. or whatever. And the Sabaro seemed very new. Weiger and I noticed that like the lighting fixtures seemed brighter in the Sabaro seemed very new. Weiger and I noticed that the lighting fixtures seemed brighter in the Sabaro than all the other kiosks.

This is freshly installed. Also, I feel like Sabaro has updated all of their sort of branding and their iconography recently. For sure, yes. Kind of like a sleeker look. Yeah. And this was clearly built around that new sensibility.

I did notice on the signs they had up at the top of the escalator, I guess is their new catchphrase, Sabaro, the original NY slice, which I think is an insane thing to say. I guess if they're citing their history. The original NY slice. Yeah, no.

And I'm like, you know, it's what made me look them up and be like, was this fucking company created in the lab? And I'm like, you know, it's what made me look them up and be like, was this fucking company created in the lab? And it's like, no, it did start out as a New York pizzeria, but in the 50s, they weren't like the first people off the boat in Ellis Island making a pot. You know what? Yeah.

I choose to believe, I choose to believe in Sabaro. Wow. I believe it as the first New York spice. This is your version of like creationism, where like the world's only 200 years old and the first slice of pizza was made in 1956 I believe why would they lie to us? No, you're right. Why would they lie? They've nothing to gain I guess they're probably there at least they're there defensive It would be that like we brought the New York slice to the masses. We brought we made it national

We made it a thing people know about the New York slice because of sparrow But I don't the original commercializers of exactly. Yeah. Yeah, if we're talking sparrow, we gotta talk Michael Scott for a second Oh boy, we're fucking getting in this. Okay, you're all of my sleeves love sparrow And it's a big gag It is a fun bit right and I was trying to remember that there, John Stewart did his pieces on Trump's pizza eating habits that I think are still two of the best monologues he ever did. And I think Trump likes Sbarro's,

but Famiglia's is the one he really loved. And I thought Famiglia's was a chain nationwide, if not internationally on the same scale as Sbarro's, because there's so many of them in New York and didn't realize it is New York only. And Familias is, despite being New York only, what I thought Sabaro's was, where it's like created by some Albanian,

like restaurateur family, has no real like historical grounding. How is it? It is worse than Sabaro. And when I was like- Worse than Sabaro, interesting. Yeah, I think so. And I was even like, when you sent me the list of options

of chains to cover, I was like, it feels wild that Sbarro has not gotten a proper episode yet. Yeah, it's interesting. We've never gotten around to it. I think it might be partly because they are kind of in the exurbs or the parts of LA where we're not usually going to. Yeah. And as like, you know, I said that like the bagel with the works is my number one favorite food,

but my number two favorite food is probably just like a plain slice of pizza. I eat it far too often. And I'm like a New York City boy born and raised. And here's this fucking chain claiming they're the original. I was like, I might have some thoughts in this. I certainly ate Sbarro's growing up. And I was always thinking I could be having a better slice of pizza almost anywhere else, right?

And then I went back through and I was like, oh, what I in my memory, Mandela effect, had thought was the childhood Sbarro's close by that we had sometimes go to in a pinch was a Famiglia's. And I was like, I do think most of my Sbarro's experience is just like airports and shit. It's traveling to other places. And then I was sort, I do think most of my Sabara's experience is just like airports and shit. It's traveling to other places. And then I was sort of digging in.

I was like, I think Sabara's is down to one location in the, at least within Manhattan or Brooklyn. I think there's maybe one other one in the Bronx. They used to have a big one in Times Square. Where certainly it's like Times Square, not a great food neighborhood. You maybe pop in there, get a quick slice. Sure.

That was the one. They had it at the M&M's store. Square, not a great food neighborhood. You maybe pop in there, get a quick slice. Sure. That was the one. That was the M&M's store. Right, yeah. Put some M&M's on the pizza. New York style, we call it. There was like one near Penn Station that is like notoriously kind of like grimy and faded and what have you.

And I think that's the only one left in New York. And Familias- That might be the Michael Scott one. Stands strong. But yeah, yes, it is. I believe it is. I believe that's the one and that's the only one that's left. And Familias has kind of like eaten their lunch.

Familias is like fucking 15 locations in Manhattan only. I'm just surprised if they're- And I think it's a shittier version of a similar slice. Yeah, I guess I'm just like, as someone who I like, I love any time I've been to the city that never sleeps, I didn't do the Big Apple. I'm like, I love it here, this is great, I can take the choo-choo around, it's very walkable,

there's lots of great food. City that never sleeps, you're in bed by 8 p.m. Where's that Big Apple buddy rubbing your hands together? I'm surprised. He shows up like, trying corkscrew. He shows up like......trying corkscrew. I'm surprised that a place like a Famiglia's,

like a chain, could thrive there. This is what I'm surprised by. Like, Dallas barbecue makes sense to me because it's like there isn't a lot of barbecue there, or there isn't like a homegrown barbecue scene. But like this is like the slice spot in the country. Yeah. It's weirder that familias could be, it's called famous familias by the way,

and that was the one that Trump took Sarah Palin to, I believe. Wow. But it's wild that they could succeed so wildly only within New York and that they've never seemingly expanded, but they similarly have what I would call like an airport slice. And I think so much of Sabbarro's business is like,

I'll eat a slice of Sbarro's if I'm in a place where I don't have access to better pizza. Yeah, for sure. And you're like, you know what? I fucking feel like a slice. Like we were talking about travel, you know, food habits. And you're like, sometimes it feels like a risky proposition to eat a greasy slice of pizza before a flight,

but sometimes you're just like, you know what? That's what I want to feel. So I've been in, I've lived in Southern California my entire life. And so there isn't, until relatively recently, the idea of a slice shop was like pretty uncommon. And certainly growing up, I was like, oh, pizza, that's the thing you get delivered or you get for takeout,

or you go to a parlor and you sit down and we got a pie, like it was a pie only presentation. And you could certainly, you can get a pie from Sbarro's. They deliver, they have takeout and all of that. But it is like really conceptually a slice shop first and foremost. A slice shop. And so for me at the Lakewood Mall,

and I, for whatever reason, my family did not get Sbarro. So it was always like a thing I coveted, but it was the forbidden fruit. But that was the first place like, wow, you can just buy a slice of pizza. Like remember the concept seemed novel to me. And that's why they fit in like a mall, in an airport, any place where you're sort of on the go.

And New York is lousy with like, slice shops like that. I mean, I would say like I'm- But a lot of the sub, a lot of suburban America is not like, yeah, it's not a common thing. But it's also like so much of the slice shop culture is like, you're walking from point A to point B. You just get a slice and keep walking with it, right? You're not gonna fucking sit down there.

You know, you're not gonna get a slice to go in your car or whatever it is. Throw out half of it and go downstairs into the Comedy Cellar. Jerk off a little bit. Classic New York stuff. Yeah. Order a slice of pepperoni and jerk off while they're heating it up. Go down to the stellar, jerk off on stage. I have a real affinity for Domino's.

I do too. I like Domino's. And it is the thing that a lot of my fellow born and raised New Yorkers will mock me for. Sure. Why the fuck do you eat Domino's when you live in New York City? Domino's is different. We've talked about this before. Domino's is different.

This is my whole take, is I'm like, I don't eat Domino's when I want pizza. I eat Domino's when I want Domino's. It's the specific flavor palette of Domino's. It's like there's so many great taquerias out here in Los Angeles. I want that kind of, I want to go get some al pastor taco, get an al pastor taco and like a fresh corn tortilla.

That's a different experience from getting, you know, a beefy five layer burrito from Taco Bell. It's a completely different thing. But like, Famiglia's and Sbarro, I feel like are not that. They are just, here's a worse slice of pizza. Like they're not kind of changing the chemical structure in the way that Domino's is, where they're like, we're making worse slice of pizza. Right, sure. Like they're not kind of changing the chemical structure

in the way that Domino's is where they're like, we're making something that is not really natural, but it's gonna like hit your flavor centers really hard. And like, Sabara's is just like, what if your slice was a little breadier? Like I always think of it as like sort of, yeah, like pizzas with like Wonder Bread-esque crusts. Exactly.

You know? I always, it's funny because as it, Boy and Quincy, I always thought Sbarro was like, hey, this is like a fancier version of pizza. Interesting. Interesting. So I didn't- And you had Regina over there. I mean, Regina was my favorite, of course,

but I was like, oh, this is like a fancy New York, good piece of pizza. Like I thought of it as quality. Because they were telling you they were the original New York slice. There you go. And maybe I just felt for it. I also just feel so bad for the Sparrow employees

who were there when Trump and Palin went in together. Is that who you said it was? Yeah. It was Trump. He frequents the chain pizzerias more than any classic New York. That's why we love him. That's why we love him.

He's a man of the people. I feel like that, like, them and their entourage, whoever's paying, is hitting the no tip button on the iPad. Oh, hard. Like, it's not a great duo to be serving. No. And just annoying to listen to. Exactly.

But I thought that, like, Sparrow was, like, a quality, like, heyarrow was like a quality, like, hey, this is like a quality, it's a step above, you know, Domino's or Pizza Hut or whatever, that's what I thought. I also, there is something interesting culturally to like, you know, the classic thing that everyone jokes about, but like the amount of different slice shops

in New York City that are called some variation of like Ray's Pizza, original Ray's, famous original Ray's, famous Ray's, you know, the original famous Ray's. Like and you're like, who is the original Ray? You can never source this, right? And like the same with like John's and Joe's and all these sort of like variations of first names. We have a similar, similar thing out here with Tommies, which was the original Tommies. And there's a bunch of variants of like Tom's Burgers, Thomas's Burgers. There was one where the apostrophe was in the wrong place

and it was Thoma's Burgers. There's a bunch of stuff that like sound like a derivation of Tommies, but they're not actually Tommies, big Tommies, et cetera. Right, and you sort of know like there is some original location that must be the famous one, and that's not even necessarily one in the same with the one that is the best one. Yeah, right.

But part of the culture just becomes like, well, the thing that's really famous is all these names, all these places having similar names. I do think it is like a testament to the success of Sabara's branding that it like pops up in like Quincy and you're like, oh, this is like a testament to the success of Zbarro's branding, that it like pops up in like Quincy and you're like, oh, this is like a place with New York bonafides, which it does have. Yeah. Right? And I think it was probably like in town or something.

Yeah. Like it probably was in Boston. It was like, oh, there's Zbarro, you know what I mean? But you thinking it's upscale. I wonder how much of that is like them sort of pushing like leading with their New York chest and being like, here's a slice of New York brought to you in your city. Also just a name that weirdly has zing, like Zbarro.

And I love that it's their actual name. Yeah, it's great. That it's not like fucking Mrs. Fields' cookies where you're like, she didn't exist. Yeah. No, there was an actual Zbarro. Mrs. Fields didn't exist. Mrs. Fields didn't exist, right?

You know who I- She's a creation. I think Mrs. Fields is an invention, but the one that always- Outbreaking. Those C's from C's Candy is real. That's why she never responds to your DMs. The one that always blew my mind when I was older... Up to anything fun tonight.

And I found this out, but I had Mavis Beacon teaches typing. Not a real person. There's a documentary about her now, or about her lack of existence. Yeah, but there's just a photograph of a human being on the front. It's like, oh, of course that's Mavis Beacon. It's like, they just hired an actor to be like, you're gonna be Mavis Beacon.

You're just gonna be the face of this franchise. Right. You don't exist. We're not even gonna do like a drawing of you. We're gonna use your photograph. Yeah, it's wild. Very strange. You know who taught me typing? Who?

Mario. Oh, you had Mario teach us typing. Yeah, Mario teaches typing. I know, I just wanted that. Look cool. And he's not fictional. He just always found M teaches typing. Yeah, Mario teaches typing. I always wanted that. Looked cool. And he's not fictional. He just always found me just speaking a little shrill. Mario was, it was basically like the video game.

Why is she telling me how to type? Where does she get off? Back off, lady. The Mario teaches typing was tricky. I'm not looking to become a secretary. I want to be a plumber. I wonder if you can download Mario teaches typing I'm not looking to become a secretary. I wanna be a plumber. I wonder if you can download Mario Teach Us Typing

because I would like to play it now. Yeah, you can definitely emulate it. You know what's an awesome one? I'll finish that. Well, I was just saying like, I wasn't good at typing, so I was just like, what is it called? Huntenpack. Yeah, huntenpack.

Two fingers. So like play Mario basically. Mario Teach Us Texting, is that a thing? Yeah, it is. I love that. Yeah, just the quick thumbs. Eggplant emoji, he tells you like, Princess Peach, I sent her an eggplant emoji. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, right. He teaches you the ins and outs. Yeah. Peach kind of a suggestive emoji as well. It's true. It's true. Inherently. Yeah. Peach, look, I's true. Inherently. Yeah.

Peach, look, I'm not gonna say it. Say it. Peach. Say it. Peach is pussy. Why's? Peach is ass. I thought it was ass.

I always thought it was ass. He said it was ass. I thought it was pussy ass. I thought it was ass. It is? Well, I. I thought it was pussy. I thought it was ass. It is? Well, I think in emoji language. That's why you never eat peaches. Don't worry, you can have peaches now.

Back on the menu. I thought that peach was also, I thought like ladies used it a lot for. I think just imagine like an ass being presented to you. It's like you maybe have some options there, but I think it's supposed to be an ass being presented to you. It's like you maybe have some options there, but I think it's supposed to be an ass. Yeah, wipe. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha for vaginas. Yes, thank you. Sure. And now- It's maybe more like getting ass, like just a general getting ass. Got it, got it, got it, got it, got it.

I think it's really because the specific emoji of Peach looks so much like an ass, that now that has totally consumed it. Yes, but I also think you're kinda like looking at ass from behind, right? So you might be seeing some other stuff. Yeah, go on. Yeah.

That's a good point. Yeah. You know when you like come up behind a Peach? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good point. Yeah. You know thing, tawdry. Eggplants and peaches, kind of gross combo. Yeah. You wouldn't want to have those things together. Yeah, I know.

That's what I'm saying. They should work together. And this is the lesson of the Catholic Church. Never put an eggplant in a peach. That's not what God intended. Cucumber also, I'm just thinking of the other things that could work. Yeah. But it's of like the other things that could work. Yeah, but it's just like the eggplant has become the default.

Like that's just, you know, that's just what it is now. I'm curious of either of you, we're talking typing sims, did either of you ever mess with typing of the dead? Cause I had that for Sega Dreamcast and that was awesome. Typing of the dead? No, I never had Dreamcast. It was a reskinned house of the dead.

But instead of shooting with a light gun, you typed words. So like a zombie would be approaching you. Dreamcast had like a keyboard plug-in? It did have a keyboard, a full keyboard, which you could use for that and for Phantasy Star Online. And only those two games, basically. Yeah, there weren't that many games that supported it. Was there chat capacity? They had a, boy, I don't remember their online chats.

You could certainly chat in some games. I don't remember if they had like a chat program through their like, you know, Dreamcast online dial-up service. I always find it fascinating when they like add some sort of like hardware plugin. Yes. That then just doesn't get used for other games. That was the Pikachu speak game.

What's that game called? Oh, I know what you mean. Where there was the Nintendo 64 plugin to the controller that was a microphone. And they were like, well, this is gonna open up so many possibilities for games that you can talk to. And everyone's just like, who fucking gives a shit? Yeah, these one-off peripherals.

DK Jungle Beat was another one that people liked. DK Jungle Beat's great, but also like the Donkey Konga, this is the thing, this is the exception of that. Because Donkey Konga was the original game. And that's like the rhythm game that uses the DK bongos. But then you have DK Jungle Beat, which is a platformer which uses the bongos to control them. Yeah, that was smart.

And that's really fun. They got a different use out of it. I guess that's what people need to do is create peripherals but commit to them as a franchise. And be like, even if other developers aren't gonna use this, we'll make a sequel that still uses this. Well, you really just have to be intended to do that. I mean, the Wii did the whole, like, it was too much. That was too much. The Wii is too much.

It was too much, the Wii was too much. Did you type, like, was typing of the dead, you said? Yeah, typing of the dead. You'd have like words or sentences over the zombies as they're approaching. Wow, that's cool, I like that. So it would be like corpse or necrophile? They weren't necessarily even like themed zombie stuff.

It was just. Like, yeah, it would just be like whatever, just challenging words. Potato, yeah. There was stuff that you needed to practice. Yeah. Cool. And I think the bosses were full sentences or paragraphs that you had to type out. It was fun.

Anyway, we got to talk about Sbarro. We're almost at the 90 minute mark. So we got four New York slices. We got two cheese. We blocked out five hours for our records a day, Griffin, and we did not book enough time. Anyway, we got four slices, two cheese. We ordered three, they only gave us two, it was fine.

We got a New York pepperoni and jalapeno slice. They didn't charge us for it. They didn't charge us for it, it was fine. We got a lot of stuff. They did put it in the conveyor belt, which was strange. Yeah, I don't know what happened to that slice. Right, because I even said, I know we've been throwing a lot out,

you wanna make sure three slices, and she was like, yeah, this is your third slice, and then it just, yeah, it didn't get rung up. Is there some sort of black hole in that conveyor belt? And we also got a Buffalo chicken, mozzarella Buffalo sauce, grilled chicken, red onion and drizzle with ranch dressing. Now they have two different crust types.

There's their thick crust. They do. And there's the original New York XL. That's what we're starting with. We're starting with the New York slices. Okay, so you're just, those are just those. The XL and New York slice is the language, you're correct. I thought they had a really good spread here because I like, even before meeting up with you guys,

I downloaded the app, which was okay. The app's not crap. The app's not crap. And I was like seeing like how many different items do they theoretically offer? And I'm curious to compare this to like a food court and seeing like, oh, they're gonna have like three, your classic garlic bread crust thing.

You see it on the website. It's never actually there in person unless you use that UPC code. Yeah. And I got there and it's like actually there in person unless you use that UPC code. Yeah. And I got there and it's like, they had a good spread. They had almost every item they claimed to sell was available within that very small footprint. No, they were, and again,

it might be because they're a newer location, but they were fully stocked back there. The entire, you know, like, cause all these items are prepared. Yeah, more items that I knew Sparrow even had, I would say. Right, yeah. They're all there. Chicken parm was on display. Exactly. We didn't get it.

Meatballs, everything you could want. We got a ton of stuff. Right. Okay, I will say... Not enough. We didn't get enough. I think the New York slices were the best thing that we had. I mean, the cheese slice and the buffalo chicken slice were both hitting.

The buffalo chicken slice was kind of a home run. They're both decent. Yeah. I think I also got the jalapeno and pepperoni slice. You did, yes. Right, which was very spicy. It was super spicy. It had a good kick to it. You're not eating pork,

but you took a piece of just the jalapeno. I did take the jalapeno, yeah. Yeah, because I've heard you are. I'm a bit of a heat seeker, and it was pretty, it was pretty spicy. I had to make him do it. Yeah. It was like a potent, you wanna see it.

You wanna see it. You wanna see it. Yeah, yeah. The skinner isn't gonna play free bird. Yeah. It was like a potent, yeah, take on jalapeno. You wanna see it. You wanna see it. You wanna see it. Yeah, yeah. The Skinner isn't gonna play Freebird. Yeah. I came all the way here. Urkel's not gonna say, did I do that? Yeah. Right.

I mean, you gotta do it. You go see the Austin Powers musical, you wanna see his hog. That's why you're there. His famous hog. We all know the corner is going up the Austin Powers movie. Yeah, it's not yeah baby or anything like that,

is you wanna see his hog. It's seeing his penis clearly. You wanna have the mishap when they're doing the stunt with hiding the nudity and see his hog. I just love that classic bit where there's just a sustained long closeup of his unobstructed penis. That cornerstone of the franchise. And he turns around slowly and he's like,

here's it from a couple angles. You wanna come out from under, do you wanna do like a low angle shot? No, I thought we were saying the cheese slice was fine. It was fine, yeah. It was solid. I was not like looking forward to this meal particularly. And I was like, all this is a little better

than I remember Sbarro's being. Definitely the Buffalo Chicken for sure. In my memory, and possibly this is false. I feel like historically for a while, they just had one crust type. And now they shift to this. Oh, there's a thicker crust and a thinner crust. And I feel like historically for a while, they just had one crust type. And now they shift to this,

oh, there's a thicker crust and a thinner crust. And I always remembered the Sbarro crust being in kind of a gross middle zone. Interesting. It's not trying to replicate like a Chicago deep dish, you know, but it's also not a proper New York sort of foldable slice. Yeah.

And I still think their like New York slice of foldable slice. Yeah. And I still think they're like New York slice is a little thicker than most slice shops would give you. I fully agree. In New York city, but it's closer to what I want. Sure. I think it's also a little bit thicker because they are dealing with most of their market

is people who aren't in New York. And these are people who would be like, if you get a slice that's burned, which is very common, some places just do it that way, they'd be like, this is burned, like something's wrong with it instead of understanding that's how it comes. And then also I think they probably are just expecting a little bit more value in terms of just like,

this should be thicker, a little bit more substantial because they paid eight dollars for it at the mall. Exactly. I think that we had two things, well, one thing going first with both slices is that the cheese and the buffalo chicken slice, which I would classify the buffalo chicken slice as a good slice of pizza.

I would say it was fully a good slice of pizza. I enjoyed it. But both of them seemed pretty fresh. They did, yes. The cheese pizza, we took the first slices out of it, I believe, and the same with the buffalo. A lot of mid-tier New York slice shops that like to the same with the Buffalo. A lot of kind of like mid tier New York slice shops that like to go fancy with like the topping options

and like some kind of crazy specialty slices. You get out there and you see like, oh, they got their fucking like a big ziti pie, right? And you're like, they make one of these a day and it's looking pretty goddamn congealed. You know, you get there at four o'clock, it's like, this isn't a fresh pie. You're seeing it.

They're gonna heat it up. They're gonna try to bring it back to life. But it felt like, no, we're getting like fresh pies. We weren't there crack of the morning. And it feels like there was sort of turnaround there. I also feel like you guys always talk about, and I think this is usually a good metric, you judge a pizza place by its plain slice.

How do they handle the basic, the fundamental? It did kind of feel with maybe one exception we'll get to in a moment, the more toppings on the slice, the better it got. Their toppings were pretty good. Their plain slice was solid, but maybe a little bland. We found it because I think my favorite was the plain slice. Interesting.

Well, we kept one. The buffalo chicken I liked a lot. I think I probably put the buffalo chicken above the plain slice. We kept one plain slice nude and another plain slice I probably with the buffalo chicken about the kept one plain slice nude And another plain slice we hit with a little bit of the grated parmesan and the red pepper by the way insane that they have One parmesan and one pepper shaker for the entire restaurant and no garlic no no oregano. Yeah mm-hmm also There should be oh, I like that. It was in the shakers I like that it was in the shaker, but throw out a few different shakers there.

Some people are just gonna take them to their tables and leave them there. Well, that's the thing. I was like, We brought them back. We have like fucking 10 slices. Yes. Right, I wanna hit them with this shit.

I'm not gonna do it there at the counter because other people have to buy it. So then I'm taking them back to our table and then I feel like a hog. Yeah, you don't wanna post up at the register with the shakers. Wanna hear something about me? I only use Parmesan and red pepper on slices the next day

that I'm reheating. Interesting, because yeah, you said, let's keep one slice nude. I don't want... I actually, I didn't want the Parmesan and red pepper at all. That is interesting. I don't need it. I usually go with a lot of red pepper

because I'm some sort of a heat seeker. I've heard this about you. I have heard that about you. I will say that I think the slices, the New York slices were my favorite thing that we had. The pan slices, which is the different form factor, the thicker crust. Even thicker than my previous remembered doughy

Sbarro standard. These are thick and I think they just did not work. They were basically dog shit. I thought they were really bad. They felt like frozen pizza, like bad frozen pizza brand where you're just like, you cook this thing as hard as you want, it's never gonna get crispy. It's never gonna get crunchy. They were very dry, I feel like.

They were dried out, that was the other thing. I don't know if that was a reheating process or whatever, but like, they should not be attempting this. Those were sitting around and they were thicker and then when they put them through the conveyor belt, they just didn't reheat the same way. And we were eating around and they were thicker and then when they put them through the conveyor belt, they just didn't reheat the same way. And we were like eating a lukewarm quiche.

It was really unappealing. We were trying to like cut up slices so that we weren't like building on each other's bites. And those slices just kind of deconstructed. Like the second you took a, put a fork or knife in there, it was just like crumbling. Yeah. Yeah. We got a spinach and mushroom and a pepperoni and sausage.

I just had the spinach and mushroom, but that was the other thing. I don't know if I had a bite of that spinach and mushroom. You didn't miss anything. It was the only thing I didn't bite. It looked like dog shit. It was pretty bad, and it was also just so many wet ingredients.

And then just like the only flavor that was, the only thing that was any source of flavor there was the cheese itself, because that sauce is not particularly robust. But you're right that like quiche was kind of the texture and the look of it. When you were looking at sort of like a cross section of those slices, it was weird that like,

they didn't look appetizing in the window, and when they ran through the oven, they came out looking even worse. Yeah. Yeah. That's just a hard avoid for me. I would just not get a pan slice from tomorrow. We also got some stromboli. So strong, how-

Yeah, they seemed to be pushing this hard. This seems like a recent thing. They had three flavors, they were pushing hard. Yeah, we got two of them. We got two stromboli. We got a spinach stromboli, and we also got a pepperoni sausage and bacon stromboli. And then they just had a straight up only pepperoni,

which had some sesame seeds on the top. Right. Yours was, and yours, but the one you were mostly working on that one was spinach and ricotta, right? It was spinach and ricotta. And so I was biting into this thing. Here's a hot take.

Strombroil, choose one, Strombroil or calzone. One's gotta go. Well, it feels like they got rid of calzone, right? Do they have calzones? They don't have calzones. I would be at, like, but you mean like the cuisine. We as a people. Italian food. We as a people, get rid of one of them. Well, what's what's your one's gotta go?

One's gotta go one's gotta go. Yeah. Oh, you know, I don't get either. I don't get much of either anymore It's so heavy and I think I'd rather just have pizza. I'm gonna commit to that Calories, I loved Carol's owns as a kid. Yeah, I just think the first time I found out about it It felt so exciting to be like, oh, there's like all these same ingredients I like in a slightly different form factor. And it feels like a fun like project. And I always liked the taste of them.

They undeniably are so fucking difficult to eat. They are. I think a good calzone, the calzone that is the best made and tastes the best also is the hardest to physically keep intact. And you're also dealing with some possible tongue burning. Sure. I've got some really bad tongues galloping.

You're gonna burn the inside of your mouth. Yeah. From a Calzone. I know that I was the one who proposed this, but I've changed my mind. I think you absolutely need to keep both of them. Okay, got it, got it. I'm sorry.

Both gotta stay. Both have to stay. Both have to stay. Stromboli, I just realized, is just a portable, it's a much easier to transport calzone. Stromboli was kind of like a higher end hot pocket. It was very hot pockety. Sure, right, for sure.

It was very hot pockety. Yeah. Okay, I thought the spinach stromboli as I was biting into this, I was like, first off, loaded with spinach. So, you know, just very, very wet. Got ricotta and Romano. One of the wettest cheeses.

One of the wettest cheeses. One of the wettest cheeses. One of these cheeses, I think it was the ricotta, was just so overpowering. And I was biting this for a little bit, and I think I just asked out loud, is this gross? Because I wasn't sure. I was like, what I'm tasting is so potent. You took a bite, you kind of tilted your head,

and you were like, you prepared yourself like, what I'm about to say is going to be a bold question. You might rattle the table. Well, because it was like so powerful that you were like, you prepared yourself like, what I'm about to say is gonna be a bold question. It might rattle the table. Well, cause it was like so powerful that I'm like, is this just like really flavorful? And I'm like having a strong response because it's delicious. But then I was having more of it's like,

no, I think this tastes kind of putrid. This kind of tastes like a cleaning product. I took a bite of this thing. And I asked, they got Arthur Curry back there in the kitchen cause this is the fucking wettest recipe of all time. Is my man Aquaman making this thing? You're going to double that ricotta on spinach?

Yes. It just was hard to hold together. I understandably. Namor the submarine or is he back there? Is your chef going to join the Justice League or the other one? Is that what's going on? I was feeling the same way.

General Vuko? Played by Willem Dafoe who trained Aquaman? Is he back there? Is that what's going on? Orm, the Ocean Master? Squidward. Is Squidward back there? Is Squidward back there?

Is Squidward in the kitchen? I usually think of him flipping burgers. Is he flipping stramolis? Did he change professions? Same industry, but you know, he's got a different job now? Is Nyad back there? Nyad might be back there.

The wettest of all movie characters. Pyacon? Is Pyacon back there? Is Pyacon in the fucking kitchen? Is that what you're telling me? Pyacon's back in there? Is Tonowary back there? Is that what's happening?

Is that who's running this location? Who's another wet character? Is Jar Jar back there? Is Jar Jar's happening? Location who's another wet care as it was as fucking is Jar Jar back there is Jar Jar Yeah, pretty wet it's fucking tarples back general tarples back there is boss Nass laughing Boss Nass is in the kitchen. He's the boss of this location You can do it is a bis back there the fucking abyss back The bis is working the kitchen is the whole movie the abyss back there Oh, you're telling me a bis is banning the is manning the pizza oven that what's going on is the fucking sphere back there?

You're back there is the red October back there in red October You got a fucking submarine working the line? Not even the crew members inside of it, but the submarine itself, it's grown arms and legs and it's making this goddamn stromboli? I agree with this. That's what I'm asking. I agree. I don't have an answer. You put your order into the kitchen, and they don't understand it because they only speak Russian until the camera pushes in.

They're like, ah, one strong bully coming up. That's what's going on. That is what's going on. Before you see Abyss, you must take a piss. That's like a good- Because it's a long movie. Yeah. That was a notoriously like nightmarish production.

Because Cameron was like very insistent in doing everything real. Most of the cast was like getting the bends in real time. I worked on the Tomorrow Horror, I worked with the guy who was in Terminator and then was in Titanic. Oh wow. And he was telling me like.

T2. He was in T2. He started on T2. So he joined Cameron post Abyss. Yes, I believe so. And he was just telling me stories of being in pools of water for so long. And then eventually they rioted, basically. And then he still was like, I like Jim. He's a good guy.

But he was just bobbing in water for hours. Famously, the crew of the Abyss had shirts made that said, life's Abyss and then you die. Wow. That's fun. Yeah. That's really fun. And they meant it. Yeah. Yeah. You know what James Cameron's up to these days? What? In his tiny sub

in the kitchen at fucking Zabaro making my Stromboli. Yeah. Is that what you're telling me? James Cameron's back there? Apparently that Stromboli came straight from the ocean floor. And when you say he's in a sub, he's in a loaf of, he's sitting in a loaf of bread.

He is an Italian sub now. And let's also, I mean, I know we're having fun and we're making jokes. Sure, yeah. But let's briefly shout out the memories of the billionaires and the submersible that exploded. They never made it to get the stromboli. That's why they were going down there in the first.

For sure. They were hoping to go deep enough to get the spinach and ricotta stromboli. That's how wet it was. That's how wet it was. I pray to God Cameron never makes a mistake and takes the Italian sub down into the water. How sad would that be to read?

It'd be really sad. Yeah. Lose two greats. Yeah. The Italian sub and Cameron? Yeah. You're saying that your greatest fear is that James Cameron, rather than getting into a metal like steel vessel.

Yes. Just climbs inside of a giant sandwich. Accidentally is going to get inside an Italian sub. And then drowns. And in the fallout of that, no one can ever eat that sandwich ever again. What do they call it in Italy? What is an Italian sub? Isn't it an Italian-American creation?

Do they have different sandwiches there? No, I'm saying the actual submarine. Oh, what's the Italian word for submarine? Yeah, I feel like it's gotta get, it's gotta. You should look it up. Look it up. Bring up Google Translate. It's gotta get mixed up over there.

It has to. I mean, it's gotta, right? Sotomarina. People trying to order lunch, they give them a fucking scoop at home. Sotomarina? Yeah, or Sotomarino? Sotomarina. People trying to order lunch, they give them a fucking scoop at home. Sotomarina? Yeah, or Sotomarino. Sotomarino, wow, how about that?

Sotomarino. Sotomarino. Sotomarino. You meant the ship, not the sandwich, right? Yes. Sotomarino. Sotomarino. Sotomarino.

Hey, give me a Sotomarino. I want Supreme Court justice coming right up. No! No! No! It! No! No! It was wet. It was wet. It was wet. We should.

I don't know if we've touched upon this yet. The other one was not wet and I actually didn't mind the other one too much. No, it was okay. I do think we probably would have been better off going with just the pepperoni. Yeah. That one was a little overstuffed

where the flavors were fighting each other, I would say a bit. I think that the- But it wasn't bad. Yeah, it wasn't bad. The, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the bacon on top, because it was pepperoni sausage, bacon on top. It was like bacon bits.

Bacon bits. Yeah. Which you, like, you could barely taste or whatever. It was a little too much. It also feels like one of those, like those 15 to 20-year-old things that chains do this a lot, where it's just the idea of putting bacon on everything. Like, here's some pepperoni and sausage and bacon.

That feels like a thing that was just so last decade in food, but chains are still doing it. We got a garlic breadstick with a side marinara. I thought the garlic breadstick was hitting. Me too. We only ordered one, and that was maybe a strategic error. We were dipping with a side marinara. I thought the garlic breadstick was hitting. Me too. It was good. We only ordered one and that was maybe a strategic error. Yeah.

We were dipping it in some marinara. We were just saying garlic breadstick, fantastic, I guess you could say. I thought it was great. I don't love their marinara is the thing. It was not great. It was just sort of like, they scooped some of the marinara

out of their like pasta bins. Yeah. Right, they had like some pasta tubs. Yes, right. Look, we covered a lot of this, but the marinara was a little watery. It was a little watery. Well, I, so this is, I was like- Oh, no thoughts on that?

No, this is the thing. I was like, I was like, hey, I actually went up, and I didn't, wasn't trying to be a Karen, but I went up to the manager and I was like, hey, I'm sorry, the marinara is a little watery. And she was like, I'm so sorry. So sorry. We have a new employee in the kitchen.

He's the deacon, the head of the smokers from Waterworld. I was like, oh, that explains it. You got the deacon back there. Rest in peace to the deacon. Rest in peace to the deacon. It's a, it's a- Dennis Hopper. Dennis Hopper.

I did notice. Mm-hmm. Cause there were, there were real staffed. Yeah, sure, yeah. Right? They had a couple employees. It wasn't like one person overwhelmed trying to manage all the various tasks.

So there's like one guy sort of putting the pizzas through the oven one person at the register, one person who's throwing your orders to. And then I noticed Jodie Foster's character from Nyad was just yelling at the marinara, don't give up. You can do this. Cody Foster's character from Nihad was just yelling at the marinara, don't give up. You can do this. I also was like, is there any other staff back there that could be causing this problem?

I remember, yeah, you asked that. Yeah, I remember. You were asking for a full rundown of staff. And they said, oh, we just hired, we did just hire, uh, Larissa Olenek. I said, who is that? And he said, Oh, Alex Mack And he said, oh, Alex Mack. I said, oh, Alex Mack. Right.

And I said, but she's not going into water form. And she's like, yeah, she's moving back and forth between the two, she's going into water form. That's the whole thing, yeah. Did you look that up? Or was that a poll? Her name? Yeah.

I looked up her name. Okay. Either way, I'm impressed. But if you had pulled that clean, I would be doubly impressed. By the way, I'm impressed. But if you had pulled that clean, I would be doubly impressed. By the way, I should know that because she does hang around the, she is like friends of friends in the comedy world.

Really? Yeah. And Jack Allison's dad did the visual effects for Alex Matt. That's right. Great effects. Yeah. Yeah. And the slider effect. Sliding. And Jack had the slider effect.

Right. He ate sliders. He ate some sliders. But anyways, she was working back there in the kitchen. She was working back there and we got to move on. We do have to move on. We do have to move on, but also- Squirtle was there too.

Squirtle was also there. Squirtle was there. Last time he was there. And Squirtle was like- More turtles. Yeah, and they were Squirtle was also there. Squirtle was there. Last voice was there. And Squirtle was like, War Turtle was there. Yeah, and they were all, all the water types were there.

And I was like, okay, well that's got it, the video games are covered then. It's our first day, that's what they said. It's our first day, yeah. Well, because they, Pokemon usually can just say their name.

But then I think they were just so cornered, they were like, we can also additionally say, it's our first day, in this one instance. We do have to talk about the other items. We gotta talk about the other items. We do have to talk about the other items. We got to talk about the other items. We do have to talk about them. We do, we really do. I do just want to say I did turn to you guys at a certain point and say, do either of you

have Spider-Man's number? Right, I remember. I know because it's, I just, you can't, there's no like signal for him. It's hard to get his attention. I know he's mostly New York based. Maybe he'd hit up in New York. The original New York slice, one of their outputs. Cause it did feel like Hydro Man was just fucking causing havoc.

Right. In that Nerritub. I agree. I agree. He was. He was. And I was worried about it cause I was like, things could quickly get out of control,

but thankfully the noble Prince Sidon from Breath of the Wild was back there. You know what's crazy? This guy doesn't even work there, but I looked Prince Sidon from Breath of the Wild was back there. You know what's crazy? This guy doesn't even work there, but I looked at one table over and Gizmo was eating a meal there, and he touched the Stromboli and then his back started to bubble. Yeah, it was a whole thing.

Because it's so wet. You don't want to get him wet. I did also notice that there was a pointy witch's hat and broom just sticking up out of the marinara hod. We sort of put together what happened, because at first they're like, that's odd, and they're like, oh. She slipped and fell in. Naturally.

She was dancing on the countertop. Yeah. And she fell in sadly. That's, I mean this is. RIP to a real one. I will also, can I just quickly say? Yeah. Weird day down there. It was a lot of weird shit. It was really strange. It was a lot of weird shit. I will also, can I just quickly say? Yeah. Weird day down there.

It was a lot of weird shit. It was really strange. It was a lot of weird shit. I know we have to move on. We have to move on. There was a lot of shit. It was really strange. And then, you know, even like we,

even when we're finished our meal, we're walking out of there, walking in wearing a Sabaro name tag, Michael Phelps. I was like, well, yeah, of course Olympics was a while ago. He's probably got a job now, but working in the Sbarro kitchen? You here to serve up some slices? He went, no, to do some laps.

Then he downsized himself. He got in the tub. Yeah, he got downsized. He did downsize. They do have a downsizing machine there. We'll record an hour from now. ALL LAUGH Uh, the baked ziti was whatever. Like, right? What do you say about the bug?

I think it was like kind of... It was fine. It was just sitting there for so long that the pasta just... It was like wedding pasta, you know what I mean? Yeah, it was very much like wedding pasta. But you know what? I didn't hate it. Like a little limp in it. I didn't hate it.

It wasn't terrible, but it was uninspired. It had a lot of cheese, and they put on some extra marinara, so it was fine. If I'm them, I'm like, abandon pasta. They don't need to be doing it. They don't need to be doing it. They probably don't need to be doing it. My guess is that there are enough kids who want pasta.

Yeah. And it's probably just a high margin item for them. Right, because they just had ziti, chicken parm, spaghetti meatballs. Yes. And I think those are the only three things in those tubs, right? Yeah, and it can't cost them much to have a steam tray of like, limp spaghetti noodles.

They just spoon some marinade. They were looking limp. Exactly. Yeah. We got a, I got a small Caesar salad, which was, first off, it was a terrible salad container. It was way too small to mix dressing. Yeah, yeah.

They were trying to pack it for you, but you know, it, you know. They were trying to pack it. They were trying to pack in the romaine, which I appreciate. It just shouldn't be in the side container. It should be in like a big circular bowl container. You need a bigger thing that you can mix. We also, for drinks, I got a fountain Pepsi, which was hitting. It was a good Pepsi. I mean, this is, they do Pepsi products here, but that was a quality fountain Pepsi. I got a strawberry lemonade, which was decent. You noticed a big kerfuffle here. There was a big, they made a big mistake.

There was a little bit of a mix up where they had- It's probably because of all these employees that they had here. It's probably, they maybe overstaffed, if anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They got a lot of people in the kitchen. Oh, yeah, I would say definitely overstaffed. Everyone that we listed, I think overstaffed, right?

I certainly wouldn't say understaffed. No, I agree. Yeah., right? I certainly wouldn't say understaffed. No, I agree. Yeah. Certainly not with Sebastian back there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he's like.

You started saying under the Z. He started saying under the Z. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was bizarre too. Yeah. He started singing under the ziti. He started singing under the ziti. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Like, that's just... That's too much. It was too much.

Two extra people you don't need. I mean, it was a lot of, it was well staffed. We didn't even talk about how we had to repeat our entire order multiple times, because you know who was manding the register? Dory. She kept forgetting. Yeah. because you know who's manding the register? Dory. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Great line. I thought the Pepsi was hidden. I don't know. Lemonade, strawberry lemonade. Oh yeah, what I was gonna say.

They were mixed up. So one was labeled lemonade, one was labeled strawberry lemonade, but clearly a red liquid under lemonade and a yellow liquid in the strawberry lemonade. Yeah. Yeah. I tend to go strawberry lemonade

at places that have the option, or even raspberry lemonade's my favorite. The rare places you can find that. I'll do a gussied up lemonade for sure. Great. You ordered the strawberry lemonade at places that have the option or even raspberry lemonade is my favorite. The rare places you can find that. I'll do a gussied up lemonade for sure. Great. You ordered the strawberry lemonade and I was like, oh, I should order the regular so we can take sips of each other. Oh, we never did that.

And I forgot to do it. Wow. But I thought my lemonade was solid. But strawberry lemonade was pretty good. Yeah. I liked it. I enjoyed it. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Mitch, we've all got things that we really need to get off our chest. That's right, Wags. But you can't always say that to anybody. Maybe you need a trusted ear. Maybe you need a professional because we all carry around different stressors, big and small, and when we keep them bottled up, it can start to affect us negatively. Therapy is a safe space to get things off your chest and to figure out how to work through whatever's weighing you down. Wiges, when I'm in therapy, I think I'm the best version of myself.

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Rules and restrictions may apply. -♪ BABBEL THEME SONG PLAYING. -♪ Any other thoughts on any of this? We should get to our fork scores. I mean, I just feel like I was ready to, like, rip into this place. Yeah, for sure. You know, and I was a very picky eater as a child and pizza was one of the few things

I loved. Why don't you just roll out right into your closing argument? Okay. I think you can do it. I was a very picky eater as a child. Pizza was one of the few things I loved. And so like any time my parents brought me into a situation where there weren't a lot of food options, especially an airport or something,

that maybe I'm going to a Sabaro type place. And I think even as a child, I knew when I was having like bad pizza, but it is the one thing that like Rashauner Halpern's correct about, which I think like I've rarely had a slice of pizza in my life where I'm like, this is horrendous. This is inedible. Bad pizza is still pretty good to me.

Maybe I'm just like a basic bitch. But if you put like- It's maybe the only thing from her, the analogy of- The other two she's very wrong about. Pizza's like sex is like improv. Or the Herald specifically. I've actually never seen good improv in my life.

Yeah, exactly. Always bad. And a lot of sex is criminal. Just as a starting point. Like a lot of it ruins lives. Yeah. Just as a starting point. Like a lot of it ruins lives. Yes, yeah. But like pizza, I'm like, you know, if I really dug, I could probably be like,

I've had an unbearable slice, but I don't think I've ever had a slice I didn't finish. Yeah. Or refuse to finish on principle. I've only had like a bad pizza slice that's like not even really pizza. Like we've like, you know, like whatever. And not to shit on Z pizza or where it was like

a corn based pizza with like whatever, tartar sauce. Yeah, I think you're thinking of Mr. Pizza. Oh, Mr. Pizza. Pizza for women, which was a Korean pizza concept that had some toppings that were unconventional for a Western palate. Yeah. Yeah, I guess there's that.

I guess there's like people over-complicating pizza. But I also think like basically putting melted cheese and tomato sauce on anything is a baseline too for me. Sure. Like I eat dollar pizza a lot in New York City because I'm just like- Is that, is- Can you still get a dollar slice in New York?

They're a couple. Wow. They're a couple. There was two bros was like the preeminent New York dollar slice chain that I think really capitalize upon the financial crash. Uberose was like the preeminent New York dollar slice chain that I think really capitalized upon the financial crash of 2008, 2009, and then got a bunch of like 10 year leases. And suddenly they had like 40 locations and branding

and they seemed a little more upscale than the actual like 99 cent joints that always felt a little like transient, like sort of handmade signage and scribbled on a wall or whatever. And most of those closed in 2018, the two bros. And now there are few scattered out. A lot of them have now gone up to like,

it's a dollar and five cents a slice. Yeah. But I lived close to one for a very long time and I would get slices there regularly. I remember sometimes drunk people yelling at me like, why the fuck are you eating that trash? You live in New York city, get a better slice. Yeah. It's still kind of hits.

Sure. Yeah. Um, I was ready to be harder on Sabara because of my memory, possibly partially conflated with familias. Um, but also this sort of like, why get the worst version of real pizza when in the fast food kingdom, you could get something like Domino's instead,

that's at least succeeding on a different level. I felt like we had a couple four fork items. Wow. At least like the Buffalo chicken slice kind of felt like a four for worker to me. Yeah A couple things were total whiffs where they should just take them off the fucking menu Like they should go all in on the XL New Yorker slice. That's the only only great fucking pan factor They should have yeah, and I think the

Strumboly could maybe use some further experimentation. I like what they're doing in that space. It is kind of interesting that they're not doing wilder experiments, that there's something of like a focus to Sabara where they're not trying to like Frankenfood shit. Yeah. Like they're like, we're pretty classical, we're pretty basic. But I think on like balance, this is kind of like your ultimate three-fork chain. Wow. Three forks. Right? Yeah. I think it's a fair score. I think it's a great score. balance this is kind of like your ultimate three fork chain. Wow three

forks. Right? Yeah. I think I mean I think it's a fair score. I think it's a great score. We'll see where we all ultimately land. I thought I was gonna come in a two and a half. Yeah. And I was like enough stuff I liked that I gotta give him a three. I gotta put him over that hump to give a shout out to the staff there. I do. I do. The staff there was great. They were great.

They were super nice. We should mention, they all did their jobs very well, including the two people who were not... The two people who worked there that I didn't recognize from any movies or TV shows. Didn't seem to have any affiliation with existing IP. Yeah. So the guy who put our pizza... They were original IP to the Saboros company. Male employee and female employee.

The guy who put our pizzas through the conveyor belt, I think it was Steve Ziso. So he was, that was actually. You did recognize him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I recognized him. Yeah. And then you noticed. The other guy was Jack Cousteau. It was Jack Cousteau.

Right. Wow. It was both of them and Steve Ziso was like, this is kind of interesting. I'm sort of based off of you. And he was like, yeah, I know. Well, did you notice when we took the elevators down to Sbarro that it was 20,000 leagues down? Did you notice that?

I did notice that. Which was weird. Yeah, we were right in that elevator for a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kraken was there too. The Kraken. Right, the Kraken. The Kraken was there too. Um, the Kraken. Right. The Kraken.

The Kraken was there. Yeah. But he wasn't at Sparrow, weirdly. He was just doing his own thing. Yeah. He was actually, he was waiting in line at Dr. Big Dick's Grill. Oh, we forgot to mention that in the time we were there, Dr.

Big Dick got a restaurant in one of the unopened restaurants. Yeah. We were there for a while. Dr. Big Dick's Grill. There's only one item on the menu. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Look. Eggplant parm.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Which, I kinda wish we'd try the chicken parm. Yeah, we maybe should try that. We thought about it, yeah. We thought about it for a second. We ordered almost everything for the menu. We had to order a lot. They seemed very, they started bagging up all the slices.

Right. Because they were like, why would you not get a pie and also sit here and eat all of this at once? Yeah, because we effectively ordered a full pie's worth of pizza. Spread out. And individually, but we, yeah, whatever. This is the exercise.

We did, and you know, like, we always tip well at these sorts of things, but like, I did not feel like we were, I feel like we were confusing them, I didn't feel like we were inconveniencing them. No. A great degree, they just were not, they're usually we were inconveniencing them. No. A great degree. They just were not, they're usually people get a slice or two.

Yeah. Yes, no, I agree. I thought the vibes at the food court were pretty good. Like we're pretty chill. Things were pretty calm down there, aside from the moment when Captain Ahab ran in with Harpoon and jumped head first. That was a whole thing.

Into the marinara tub. Right. Instead of I'm gonna catch that whale. I should stop when I start Googling underwater smurfs. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I went in with low expectations for Sparrow and they, they came in high above those expectations. I think they've improved their product. There's, there's much worse pizza. It's not great. No.

It's not, it's not a Golden, Golden Play Club worthy. But I don't know if it gets as much, I don't know if it deserves as maybe, it's not an Arby's exactly because I think Arby's is more quality. But I think maybe it has that bad comedy reputation of being just like the go-to bad pizza spot. And I'm gonna say, I'm gonna go three and a half forks actually.

Three and a half forks? I mean, look, we had a couple things that were not good, that is for sure, but the slices that we had, and also like the things that we had that weren't good, it was stuff that I like probably wouldn't order anyways. The things that I would order hit pretty well. I don't know, three and a half, three and a half forks. The worst items were the items we only ordered

for the sake of thoroughness. Yes. And even like maybe the worst thing was the spinach tromboli. I guess the spinach mushroom slice was the worst thing. That was, I would rather eat the spinach tromboli because like the spinach mushroom had no texture to it either.

But even the tromboli, you weren't like, this is terrible. You tilted your head and you were like, is this bad? I was more confused by it. I could not have eaten the whole thing, but it weren't like, this is terrible. You tilted your head and you were like, is this bad? I was more confused by it. I could not have eaten the whole thing, but it wasn't- Revolting. Yeah, it wasn't awful.

Yeah. Anyways. Wow, so you got three forks as well? Three and a half forks. Three and a half forks. I missed the half fork. Three and a half forks. I thought about it, but you're a braver man than I.

Look, you can change it still. Let me think. Let's see where Wags comes in. I don't know if it's going to get the extra half fork for me, but I also don't think it's going to get a half fork deduction that I expected. In fact, I was expecting this could be a one fork or this could be a place that ends up in the reverse tenant club. I thought this might be really a wretched meal. Two and a half is like the high bar for this place.

I was expecting this to come in around two. I have not had great experience at Sparrow in the past. Like we talked about it, or the last outing for the podcast was for the tournament of champions. And you know, it didn't really do very well for itself. I will say that like, it was weird that like, Briar Fox was warning us when we were approaching Sparrow.

Yeah. He was saying. He was warning us about that there was a big- Just be careful. Be careful ahead, yeah. And also Bob Iger was standing next to the Marinara tub saying, we've heard your complaints. We're going to rebrand this.

We're going to work in more of the Princess and the Frog characters. That's right. And they were standing by. They were ready to go. They were in test mode. I thought the New York Slices- Jemmy stood up and I said Briar Fox there. Not a great look, Jemmy.

She's protesting. She's just worried about foxes. Don't be scared, girl. I think the New York slices were fine to good. And that's like, look, in terms of what the place is doing, if the place is marketing itself as the original New York slice, maybe they need to streamline their menu a little bit, but they seem to be doing that competently.

And especially in terms of mall food court tier food. Like I thought those were totally fine. I thought they were totally acceptable. Pan slices were bad. The breadstick was good. I mean, like get some New York slices and a breadstick. You can be sitting pretty small. Cedar salad we had was whatever.

Baked cd was whatever. The strombolis I didn't like. But my understanding when I was, you know, like trying to evaluate what went wrong with a spinach stromboli, my understanding is that Echo the Dolphin was actually in the kitchen that day. So that could possibly be the deciding factor for it.

But overall, I thought this was a fine meal, and I enjoyed myself, and I think I will go three forks. I think this is a three forker. I think this is a classic. Solid three fork restaurant. I didn't wanna say it's not what we're eating, but I was like, yeah, this is like kind of the exact median point for fast food. Right, yes.

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. You could definitely do better, but you could definitely do worse. I'd rather go back to a Sbarro than, I don't know, a lot of the chains we've reviewed here. Do you ever hear that when Shigeru Miyamoto was creating Wave Racer 64, that he went to Subaru to study the Stromboli?

No, that's interesting. I didn't know that. To like make, so that he could get the physics of the water correct. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah. That's interesting. I also heard that U five seven one was shot

Save the money I heard the same thing actually yeah, and they reuse some of those locations for k-19 the Widowmaker. Yeah, so yeah. Yeah Splat what look look free Willie was there. Okay, what do you want? There free Willie was there. He was there just eating. He do you want from us? Free Willy was also there. Free Willy was there. Free Willy was there. Just eating. He wasn't working. No, he was just hanging out. Yeah, he was just hanging out. Oh, you know the whale was there. Oh, the whale was fucking there.

The whale was fucking there. The whale wasn't there? He was just down in slices. Well, I believe that he was upset because there was meatballs and strumbullies, but there was no meatball sub, right? Isn't that an issue? Yeah, he was like, what the hell's going on here?

And then James Cameron from the kitchen was like, someone say meatball sub? He's like, James, what that kind of sub? And I was like, James, are you supposed to be making like three Avatar movies right now? Yeah, what are you doing? Well, we were there, we saw him cast the whale for Avatar 3. Right.

So the whale, Brendan Fraser is going to be like... He's going to be, we're breaking it here. He's going to be in Avatar Three. We don't know what the role is, but I have heard... I think it's Pyakon's brother. I have heard rumors that it's Pyakon's brother. We should also acknowledge there was a moment where the whale stood up in the food court,

and it was very difficult. It was kind of a heroic moment that made us all cry. Yeah, right. The sort of endurance of the human spirit. And then he reached up for like a big handle on a chain, like the way he showers. And a bunch of Americans came down. It's very flash dancing.

It's weirdly erotic. And he's scrubbing himself with a stick. [♪ MUSIC PLAYING?]. Welcome back to Doughboys. We're here with Griffin Newman. And hey, it's time for a segment. Before we get to that, we had like a bit of a stop down for tech reasons. Yeah. And then I think over the break, we were like, it was really weird what was going on in that

Sparrow kitchen, right? Yeah. Oh yeah, no, we did, we finally were like, wait, it was kind of weird. Yeah, we were all kind of like just kind of brazen, you know, brazen through as we're talking, but we had a second off mic. Because now we're not performing anymore. Exactly. We're not trying to like score laughs when we're like, let's all kind of like just kind of brazen, you know, brazen through as we're talking, but we had a second off mic. Because now we're not performing anymore. Exactly.

We're not trying to like score laughs when we're like, let's really kind of reckon with what we witnessed. Yeah. Because it was a lot. It was a truly strange experience. And sometimes like trauma comes in waves, like it takes a lot of process where you're like, that wasn't normal. No, it was really, it was really- In the moment you're just trying to survive. Truly, truly a jarring day.

I mean, I don't know what put you guys over the edge, but for me it was realizing that, you know, in the kitchen, the lady in the water was there. Oh yeah. She was saying snarf. Yeah. She was, no, she was there. She was there, scrumps running around.

I did, I mean, we did talk about Dr. Big Dick already. Yeah, we did, yeah. Which was kind of like a sense of like, is this okay to talk about? We're making fun of this. Right. Witness something that's like already. Yeah, we did, yeah. Which was kind of like a sense of like, is this okay to talk about? We're making fun of this. Right. Witness something that's like a little loaded, you know? Like the unhoused problem in Los Angeles

is like no laughing matter and all of that. And I wasn't sure whether or not to bring this up because there's just like no way to make it funny. Yeah. That we did experience some pretty insane racism in that food court. We witnessed the fire people from Pixar's elemental. Yeah. Tell their daughter that he could not

date the marinara sauce. Right. That was weird. Because they're different. Really weird. They're a bad type of person. They live in the other side of town. Yeah.

No, that was, that was, that was, that was, it was bad. And of course, Claude was just there. Claude was just there. What's going on? I guys, come on. Yeah. I get a slice. And everyone at the food court game was standing ovation.

Clod, clod, clod. People were thrilled to see Claude from Elemental. He showed his one armpit leaf and people lost their fucking mind. Yeah. But it wasn't funny. It was actually, it was sobering. We just don't expect to see it in this day and age.

You don't expect to see it. No. We should really move on unless you have something to add. Yeah, Mitch is right. Love is love. Unless you have something to add, Mitch. We should move on. We should really, cause you have something to add. Love is love. Yeah, Mitch is sort of. Love is love. Unless you have something to add, Mitch. We should move on. We should really, cause we have something to add.

We should really, just remember if there was anything that happened that you haven't said. No, I don't think that there is a- Okay, great. Okay, moving on. So we got a new segment for today. Yeah. Oh, you know what?

There is maybe one thing. Yeah. Oh, you know what? Yeah. Oh, you know what? There is maybe one thing. Yeah. Oh, you know what? Yeah. I saw Mario was there. OK. Well, that's nothing unusual. It's an Italian restaurant.

I'm sure you can see Mario there. That's the food of his people. And I was like, why are you here? And he's like, I'm here to pick up Plessy. And so I don't know. Of course. I'll hold this up for viewers. Yes, right.

Plessy, the giant dinosaur that he writes, kind of like the ocean Yoshi. The ocean Yoshi, yeah, yeah. We should also mention it was specifically Mario from Sunshine and his backpack tank was full of marinara. He had Flood. Flood was full of marinara. Flood was back there.

And he was also wearing the frog suit from Super Mario Brothers 3, which I was like, that's kind of a hat on a hat, but you know, whatever. But he was also wearing the frog suit from Super Mario Brothers 3, which I was like, that kind of a hat on a hat, but you know, whatever. But he's like, this is how I can easily like navigate down here in Sparrow. Exactly, you can swim around and get the mariner. You know, I was gonna say,

character from Super Mario World, and then I looked him up and his name was just Dolphin. So that didn't work as well. Yeah, there's just canonical dolphins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyways, that was, yeah, that too, that was- That also happened. That also happened.

All right, we got a new segment here. Emma, we got the scoot up? Yeah. All right, here we go. Hit the music. ["Break Check with Griffin and Minjul"] Break check with Griffin and Minjul. Oh my God.

Break check with Griffin and Minjil. Oh my God. Frank Check with Griffin and Minjil. Hot dog world to eat or to digest. All you need to know is that the name of the show is Frank Check. Wow. Okay, this is Frank Check. This is compiled by Amelia Moreno. Now you've done Frank Check before.

We've done Frank Check before with Jamel Bowie. This is Frank check. This is a different segment. Mitch and Griffin are given a frame from a movie involving a hot dog. Oh wow. And must guess which movie it's from. One of the head of the gums looks in the window I think.

I don't know if they could hear you, but I don't know if they just sensed to be like, what's going on? Something lame has happened. I was listening to a bunch of of water based characters or some shit. They're laughing really hard at themselves. For just pulling surface level references. They did it for 20 minutes straight and then circled back from it. Um, I will say, Lane Montgomery,

who wrote our theme song for the podcast and performance as well as is a big Doughboyz fan, I know he was very excited when you did Flank Check with Jamal Bowie. It was like a great honor for him to hear his song Weird Owled. Shout out to Lane. Love the theme. Yeah, that rules. That's why we do it.

All right, let's go ahead and get into Frank Check. Here we are. All right, first up. And you'll see the frame. This one's kind of a gimme just to set the baseline. Sure, everything everywhere. You'll see the frame, and then you can feel free to describe what you're looking at for our audio listeners.

I mean, I can describe it some, but I'm worried I'll end up giving hints. But is this a classic first to buzz in? Yeah, first to buzz in. Okay, and just say your name? Yeah. Griffin, it just say your name? Yeah. Griffin, it's everything over we're all at once.

It's the easiest point I've ever made in my life. I said it. You didn't say it, when did you say it? I did say it. He did kind of mutter it. You didn't say your name. I didn't buzz in. I mean, this shouldn't be a point.

I'm just gonna give, well, this is a tutorial. This is a tutorial level. Okay. So we'll have the next one be the first real one. Emma, do you mind keeping score for me? Yeah, I can keep score. You turned on the competitive side. This is a movie thing.

He's gonna kick my ass anyways. But I think you got a good chance. You play your games, you do your grids. All right, yeah, let's see here. Okay, next up. Everything everywhere, all it wants is the answer, we know. Next up, yes, we've got- Griffin. I heard Griffin first.

Well, well, well, he's doesn't know- Do you wanna describe what you're looking at? Yeah, it's Slimer with a mouthful of hot dogs. Got it. The only thing I'm second guessing is if it's Ghostbusters or Ghostbusters 2 because the puppet is different, but I believe this is Ghostbusters 1.

Griffin, you are correct. You get a point. Okay. All right, next up. Mitch. I heard Mitch. Sausage party. This is Sausage Party.

This is the animated movie, the very raunchy animated movie, and we have two sentient hot dogs here. Look a lot like the Wiener Schnitzel hot dog, America's Most Wanted Wiener. It's very similar character design. Okay, next up. America's Most Wanted Wiener. It's very similar character design. Okay, next up. Our most wanted Wiener. Griffin.

Oh shit. I heard Griffin. This is Spider-Man 2. You are correct. You got the franchise and the iteration correct. Spider-Man 2. I think this is from the Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head sequence.

Where he's enjoying not being Spider-Man. Right. He sees a bunch of cop cars go by and he has that moment of like, should I go help people? And then he just takes a bite of the hot dog and keeps walking. And that's sort of the high point of his life

that he can just enjoy a Frank. Let me ask you about this particular hot dog stand, the Subrette, you see those a lot. Is that a sausage brand or is that like a brand of like hot dog stand? Is that like a franchise? The brand is the type of hot dog, not the stand. Got it.

You know, I think it's like sort of, who are you buying your meat from? Yes, right. Not that they control the carts. You ever get something from one of those carts? Yeah. Yeah. We did a...

That's the job done? I did the live show with you guys that was Nathan's. That's right. And I got like a dirty water dog to try to compare it to Nathan's at the time. But I think that's maybe the last time I got a street dog. But was that specifically from the Sabrette umbrella place? Or you just sort of, they're all kind of-

A place like this. Got it, got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I just didn't know if that was a specific thing or not. There are a lot of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Next up, it's tied at one. Mitch, Goodfellas.

Mitch, you are correct. You got Goodfellas, I believe your favorite movie. What's the score now, Emma? I'm sorry. Two, two, tied. Now it's tied up, okay. So I was wrong, it was two, one got Goodfellas, I believe your favorite movie. Is it, what's the score now, Emma? I'm sorry. 2-2 tied. Wow. Now it's tied up, okay.

So I was wrong, it was 2-1. Now it's 2-2. Next up. 2-2, what are we at the ballet? Mitch. I heard Mitch. This is, fuck. How long does he have before I can buzz in and steal it?

You can do it now if you'd like. Griffin, Green Book, winner of Best Picture, Best American Film of the Year. You are correct. The second best picture winner in this lineup. Yeah, wow. Is Green Book. Hollywood, take note.

Everything everywhere, all of us. Oh, of course. You wanna bring home hardware, put some Franks in your movie. So it's three, two Griffin. Okay. Next up. Mitch.

I heard Mitch. Wizard of Oz. You are correct, that is Toto eating a wiener in Wizard of Oz you are correct. That is Toto eating a wiener and Wizard of Oz Wow, all right, let's go to the next one. What I don't know So we just describe it for audio listeners. We're kind of looking at a a short-order cook in a kitchen Mitch. Yes taxi driver It's not taxi driver. I Got a couple ideas and I don't,

I'm gonna take a swing. Go for it. Is this the Muppet Stick Manhattan? No, Mitch was- It looked like Pop Steiner. Close-ish, this is a Scorsese movie. This is the Irishman. Wow.

This is a shot from the Irishman. Oh my God, you know what? Good for that because it looks older than- It really does. Yeah, great production design. All right, next up. This is tough because all we have to look at- Griffin.

I heard Griffin. I think this is Father of the Bride, Nancy Meyer's Father of the Bride movie. Griffin. That's impressive. Unbelievably, you got it. That's the most impressive one. This is a close up.

This is basically an insert of two hands- Diane Keaton's hands. Of Diane Keaton's hands, but I mean, unless you know the movie, you don't know whose hands they could be. And a Vons hot dog buns brand. It's one of the best bits in that movie that they sell hot dogs in different quantities than buns.

Oh, that's right. You go to the supermarket, you never get an even match. You either have too many dogs or too many buns. And shout out to Big Picture, great movie podcast. They did a Steve Martin Hall of Fame episode recently and spent a lot of time talking about that bit. And so it's just fresh in my mind. I love that movie as a child,

have not seen it for a long time. That was a good bowl. Yeah, it's been a long time for me. All right, next up. Oh man. Another tough one. So we've got, again, just kind of basically another insert. We've got a hand handing a hot dog to another hand.

Going off the shirt. That's what I'm going off the shirt. I think it's like a Bronx tail, Mitch, a Bronx tail. I don't think it's that, but I'm trying. It's not a Bronx tail. It looks Bronx tail-y. Yeah, I think I'm gonna be wrong here. I'm by myself, Griffin, it's not Saturday Night Fever.

It is not Saturday Night Fever. Yeah. It's a New York based movie. It looks like a New York picture. So this isn't for points just to see if we can get it. Yeah. This came out in the 90s. Okay.

This has a fairly all-star cast, director Barry Levinson. Is this, this isn't Liberty Heights? Is that what it is? It's not Liberty Heights. This movie is, here's a hint. One of the stars of this movie has a last name that is a food. One of the stars of this movie has a last name

that is a food, it's a Barry Levinson movie. It's not Bugsy? It's not Bugsy. This movie is very upsetting. I remember seeing this movie thinking it'd be cool. Oh, this is Sleepers? This is Sleepers. Oh, Kevin Bacon. Kevin Bacon.

I've never seen that film, because it just feels like such a bummer to me. It's a complete bummer. Nothing fun at all. I haven't seen Sleepers since, yeah, whatever it came out on VHS or something. And it's a movie like, it's like, Kevin Bacon, Robert De Niro, it's like, and it like, the way it was marketed, it movie like it's like, it's like Kevin Bacon, Robert De Niro.

It's like, and it like the way it was marketed, it's like, oh, it's like this cool like prison movie or whatever. And you watch it like, Jesus Christ, this sucks. I mean, maybe it's good. I don't remember if it was good or not. This was an insane. It's very upsetting.

This was even crazier than. That one's crazy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I honestly don't know how Amelia even pulled that. Like, does she have that top of mind? Was she just thinking of the hot dog from Sleepers? She must have, did she look up hot dog scenes? But why, hmm.

That feels so specific. It's so specific. You can call that a scene. Yeah, maybe she loves Sleepers. Maybe she, she might. Maybe. That's a guy that would track Amelia's favorite movie is Sleepers.

Ha ha ha ha. See if she's logged in on Letterbox. What's our, what's our? That's a great question. Check the Skidmark Letterbox, see if she's given in on Letterbox. What's our, what's our? That's a great question. Check the skid mark Letterbox. See if she's given five stars to Sleepers. Emma, what's the score at? We got Griffin with four, Mitch with three.

Wow, okay. So this decides whether it's a tie or whether Griffin. No time to look at the Letterbox. Wins outright. Okay. One more. I don't know it. We see four hot dogs.

I'm so sad. It appears to have, they appear to have Kraut on them. Am I correct? Is that Kraut? Okay. One more. I don't know it. We see four hot dogs. I'm so sad. It appears to have, they appear to have Crout on them. Am I correct? Is that Crout? Is that Crout? Do we want a hint? Crout.

Yeah. Can you give us, uh, no, I mean, deal with choice hint. I was going to say year of the movie, but you can. Um, I'll give you the year of the movie, but you can. I'll give you the year. It's 1997. This is a romcom. It's like Griffin. This is my best friend's wedding. It's not my best friend's wedding.

It's the same sort of era, obviously. The the star of this movie recently passed away, very sadly. Hmm. Starting to. Can of the movie recently? Can I buzz in again? What do you think, Mitch? I'm gonna let him because I don't, I'm trying to think of a star

that passed away recently that's very sad. Let's say this, if I'm wrong with my second guess, I'm down for the count. Wow. Okay, go ahead. Fool's Rush In? It is Fool's Rush In, the Matthew Perry Salma Hayek rom-com.

I never would have gotten it. And these are, again, I don't remember this shot at all, but apparently it has four hot dogs in it. Wow. I was gonna guess Saving Private Ryan. It's probably my favorite rom-com. The sauerkraut, they're in Germany at one point. Is that a rom-com?

There's funny moments and there are sad, and there are kind of romantic moments. Yeah. It's kind of a bromance. It's kind of a little bit of a bromance? Yeah. There's funny moments and there are sad and there are kind of romantic moments. Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of a bromance. It's kind of a little bit of a bromance. Yeah. There's him and his wife at the end. Right, it's true.

Yeah, when Matt Damon gets old very quickly. Cries a bunch. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, that was Frank Jack. Congrats, Griffin. Wow, huge. Just like a restaurant via your feedback,

let's open the feedback. Today's email is from Robert. Congrats. Well won battle. Well fought. Great competitor. Not easy to go up against the king of the box office game. No, no, no, no.

This man knows his movie, Tobi. I think you should have won off of parenthood just alone. I think you would. Father of the bride. Yeah. So, well, see, I got it wrong again. Maybe dock him another point. Down to two points?

Yeah. Okay, great. Great. Just like a restaurant, we value your feedback. Let's open up the feedback. Today's email is from Robert and Daymoyne. Robert writes, your episode discussing Siskel and Ebert with Matt Singer

made me think of the time Roger Ebert appeared on the short-lived TV show, Early Edition, to explain why parents die in movies to a child. Let me say that again. To explain why parents die in movies to a child. I don't, I have no knowledge of this. As food critics, what harsh lessons about food would you teach to a child and what TV show

would you cameo in to teach the lesson other than To Catch a Predator? All right. Well crafted, Robert. Yeah. The, okay, so I guess the idea is like, hey, let's get real about food for a little bit, kids. I'm gonna start a thing called to catch a Redditor,

and I'm gonna go to the Doughboys Reddit and be like, hey, let's talk shit about Mitch at this house, and then they come in, and I say, take a seat. It's you. And it's me. Yeah. And I catch the Redditor in the act. And they gotta deal with you crying.

Yeah. Why were you mean? Why'd you do that? Why were you mean to the Doughboys? Look, I didn't think it through, but I just thought to catch a Redditor was gold. That's fun, that was good. Yeah, it was good.

So anyway, it's gonna happen. Okay, so here we go. I'm looking at your account, darthcum420. In addition to pointing out goofs and factual errors in Doughboy's episodes, you also post on the Hot Wife subreddit? Ha ha ha ha ha! Looking for a third?

Ha ha ha ha ha! We've got horny fans. A tough food lesson. Hey, let's get real about food for a second. For me, the big thing was, like, it was years before I realized that I was not invincible. I felt like, oh, I could eat whatever and I'll be fine. And I just sort of be like, you gotta fucking prioritize.

I'll just be graphic for an episode that's been remarkably clean by our standards. It's all that water. Probably all the water, yeah. That probably has a lot to do with it. If there's a food lesson, drink more water. Stay hydrated. Stay hydrated, that's a really good lesson.

I would just as like prioritize your guts, prioritize how you shit, because like you will, if you eat bad food, it will make your shits uncomfortable and that will set you up for failure. Like you're going to pay for it the next day or just throughout your life. The bill comes due eventually. Exactly, right.

And you would deliver that message on Global Guts. That's the show you would go on. I would, yes, yeah. Do you know what else was weird? What? At Sparrow. Yeah. The shower from Psycho was there.

What? That was weird. And I was like, and we were like, which psycho is that? Yeah. And then- Because I couldn't tell if it was black and white or if it was just silver. Yeah, my glasses were off.

We couldn't really tell. Is it the modern, is it the Gus? And then we realized it was the Gus Van Sant psycho remix, remake rather, because just like looking through a peephole was Vince Vaughn and he was jacking off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which that's the big thing, the canonical differences, the Norman Bates in the Gus Van Sant version jacks off.

Yeah, yeah, yes, it was good, which was, it was good to clear it up. It was good to clear it up. Yeah, I didn't know if I had to see him, I didn't know if I wanna see Vince Vaughn jacking off, but it was- You know who did wanna see it? Fucking Wale.

Wale liked that. He was looking back through the people. So they were making like direct eye contact. I mean, their eyeballs were. Anyways. Yeah. That's a crazy day. It's totally, totally nuts. Wise.

I think that is a good one. I think here's like the, the, the lesson that's hard to realize is that when I was younger, I think I realized milk affected me before I realized that also all the products of milk affect you. So it's like, oh, my stomach hurts. And it's like, oh, you know, milk affects you, but cheese affects you too young, man. I didn't realize that cheese could have such a bad effect. I mean, I think that's, most of it is the hard lessons are like cheese, milk products, cheese included,

spice, these are just like the stuff, your stomach is gonna hurt lessons. You know what's a big one I wish I could like teach? But we're also not, are we not telling this to children, are we? No, we're telling this to children, that's the idea. I think a big one I would be like, stop drinking like sugar water,

because that's a big thing of just drinking so much sugar and then your palate becomes so accustomed to sweetness. You know who's gonna get pissed at you? Who? The alien from Men in Black. Edgar. Yeah. Or the bug in the Edgar suit.

Yeah, yeah. I should be specific. Edgar himself didn't care for sugar water. But he was a bad guy. He was a bad guy. He was a bad guy. He was a bad guy. But the be specific. Edgar himself didn't care for sugar water. But he was a bad guy. He was a bad guy. He was a bad guy. He was a bad guy, but the bug in the Edgar suit. The bug in the Edgar suit.

It's his favorite meal. I'm not worried about him. I would just say things like full sugar sodas, juices, fucking Capri Suns, full sugar Gatorades, things that I drank so much of as a kid, punch, like fruit punch. If you can get away from that, then your palate is less accustomed to sweetness.

And also those are like the emptiest calories you can possibly consume. For the most part, there's no nutritional value from any of that. That is a weird thing when you're like, drink your orange juice and be healthy. And you're like, ma, there's a lot of sugar in this. Exactly, right.

I know the prompt was like, ma, there's a lot of fucking sugar in this. Exactly. Right. Yeah. I know the prompt was like, specifically a message delivered to children, you know, our future as a civilization. Right. I'm going to modify it a little bit. I'm going to say my message would be, Hey, fucking Saburo, drop the thick crust. And the show I'd want to deliver that

on is the state of the union. Yeah. I agree with that. Yeah. Yeah. Let's just simplify this. the state of the union. Yeah. Yeah. I agree with that. Yeah. Yeah. Let's just simplify this. No, that's great. Yeah.

What's some other lessons, food lessons? How about learn to cook a few dishes? Like learn to do some simple, like a little bit of cooking. Cause like, if you can make even like a grilled cheese sandwich, like the most basic sorts of things. If you can hard boil some eggs, just a like baseline kitchen skills

so that you're not completely stranded or forced to order delivery, particularly when you're in a time in life when you're maybe not, you know, when you're younger and you're broker or whatever, you know? Just knowing how to make a few things is helpful. I could have used that lesson. Yeah. Yeah.

That's a good lesson. Too late for me now. Yeah, same with me, we're done. Yeah. That's a good lesson. Too late for me now. Yeah, same with me. We're done. Yeah, we're gonna learn. We're halfway through. I'm at least halfway through at this point. Yeah.

41? Come on. You think I'm gonna live another 41 years? I don't think so. I think you are, Mitch. 82? I say- I'll die the year I was born.

That would be pretty wild. Whoa. What synergy that would be. It's good synergy. Born in 82, lived to 82. It's good Mitchell synergy year I was born. That would be pretty wild. Whoa. That would be pretty wild. What synergy that would be. It's good synergy. Born in 82, lived to 82. It's good Mitchell synergy. I like that. I like that.

All right, Mitch, you know what I'm looking forward to? What's that? Your 82nd birthday party. I'll see you there. Oh my God. Wow. Wow. So it's the year I die?

Wow. Your final birthday. We'll be there. I'll make sure of it. Wow. What the? I think Griff is threatening to kill me. Your final birthday, we'll be there. I'll make sure of it. Wow, what the? I think Griff is threatening to kill me.

This is gonna be a fun party with a lot of surprises. Well, how far in the future that would be if it happens. Four decades from now. Yeah. Four decades from now. Who knows what the future holds? Yeah, I'm sure that- Will there even be podcasts?

And also, you know, it's going to happen at that point. The water wars, people are going to be fighting over Sparrow. Yeah. Different nations fighting over who owns Sparrow. That's true. The mayor know we'll be at the center of it all. If you have a question or comment about the World of Chain restaurants, you can email us at feedback at birdfuck.com or leave us a voicemail at 830-GoTo. That's 830-463-684. And to get the Doughboys double our weekly bonus episode plus our entire pre-2018 back

catalog, subscribe at patreon.com slash doughboys. We didn't really answer that question well, but our lunch has been here for half an hour. I think we answered it pretty well. Yeah. I feel pretty good about how we answered that question. Our producers, Emmer, Brink, our associate producers, Amelia Moreno, our engineers, Casey Donahue, and our video editor is Mike Dorfman.

Our guest has been Griffin Newman. Griff, thanks so much for joining us. Anything you'd like to plug? Truly my pleasure. Is there a notion of when this episode will come out? It looks like the first week of June right now. First week of June? Yeah.

Okay, so I'll say blank check with Griffin and David. My podcast, I host with David Sims, where you go through filmography. So you guys have been on a number of times now, a couple of our biggest episodes ever. Wow! We can't be right. No, true.

It means in terms of total weight. A couple of our heaviest episodes ever. But I was looking at the schedule because I don't want to spoil an announcement. Yes. But one of the wet movies we discussed may be coming up a little later in the summer on Blank Check. Wow.

Just to say that I don't want to call the shot yet, but at this point when the episode comes out, we'll be doing Martin Brest. Oh boy, okay. Who did Beverly Hills Cop and Midnight Run and then made G. Lee. Yes. Wow, that's right.

Wow. Kind of classic rise and fall arc. And Masters of the Universe Revolution, which you kindly shout out in the intro, is a cartoon show I play, oracle, and I'm very proud of it. And that's on Netflix. It's on Netflix.

The first season's called Revelation, the second season's called Revolution. They list them as two different shows. Makes sense. And you're also a plugging director with a food name, Martin Breast. Martin Breast, true. Wow.

Thank you. Chicken breast or turkey breast? Yeah. Yeah, or for a baby, human breast. Very good. The original restaurant. That is, that's the first. That's me.

That's first. If you ask me, the original restaurant is human breast. I would tell you that's the original restaurant. One last thing I noticed is, this is the original restaurant. I would tell you that's the original restaurant. One last thing I noticed is this is kind of sad. At the bottom of the Stromboli, you know who I saw there? Trying to get up the Stromboli, the itsy bitsy spider. That'll do it for this episode of Doughboy.

Until next time, for The Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell, I'm Nick Weiger. Happy eating! Hell no for this episode of Doughboys. Until next time, for the Spoon Man Mike Mitchell, I'm Nick Weiger. Happy eatin'. Cause it's... You get it. Hey buddy, want Doughboys merch? We're talking hats, shirts, sweatshirts, patches, glasses, all sorts of stuff, aprons. It's all available at kinshipgoods.com slash doughboys. That's kinshipgoods.com slash doughboys.

Sources for the intro are in the episode description.