Doughboys - Sizzler 2 with Nicole Byer

Episode Date: December 11, 2025

Nicole Byer (@nicolebyer, Why Won't You Date Me) joins the 'boys to talk anaesthesia, bathroom experiences, and holiday dishes before diving into a review of Sizzler. Plus, a holiday edition of Snack or Wack.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSources for this week's intro:https://la.streetsblog.org/2019/04/05/the-hidden-history-of-culver-city-racismhttps://www.culvercity.org/files/assets/public/v/2/documents/planning-amp-development/advance-planning/speaker-series/191121_discriminatory-land-use-policies/speakerseriesdiscriminatoryslides.pdfhttps://www.vol1brooklyn.com/2010/12/21/happy-death-day-f-scott-fitzgerald/https://www.pbs.org/newshour/health/f-scott-fitzgeralds-life-study-destructive-alcoholismhttps://theliterarycompass.com/life-of-f-scott-fitzgerald/https://www.westhollywoodhistory.org/playground-to-the-stars/f-scott-fitzgerald-dies-in-sheilah-grahams-hayworth-avenue-apartment/https://archive.nytimes.com/www.nytimes.com/learning/general/onthisday/bday/0924.htmlSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to YouTube.com slash doughboys media. I am not a great man, but sometimes I think the impersonal and objective quality of my talent and the sacrifices of it in pieces to preserve its essential value has some sort of epic grandeur. This is from a 1939 letter sent to his daughter by the writer F. Scott Fitzgerald. Best known as the author of The Great Gatsby, Fitzgerald was a miserable alcoholic who alternated stuporous binge drinking with white-knuckling self-imposed sobriety with

disastrous results. In 1940, Fitzgerald collapsed in the company of his live-in mistress Sheila Graham, who summoned the owner of their apartment building to assist. The building manager failed in his attempt to resuscitate F. Scott and declared, quote, I'm afraid he's dead. Fitzgerald was just 44 years old, felled by a heart attack almost certainly induced by decades of heavy drinking. And the landlord who proclaimed the great American novelist death was Harry Culver, founder of his eponymous town of Culver City. Located on the west side of Los Angeles and fully encircled by the borders of its Big Brother City, the so-called heart of screen land due to its historic studio lots was cleaved into independence in 1917. But Culver, the man,

had an agenda of overt racism separating from L.A. proper out of self-segregation. Culver City became a sundown town where property was only sold to Caucasians and was advertised with a slogan, quote, see this model little white city. It was Culver's text that was a subtext of many American suburbs in the mid-20th century, and the suburban Culver City was the territory chosen for a new steakhouse concept in 1958, after both Fitzgerald and Culver had passed. The eatery grew across the American West, powered by the value of its signature salad bar, representing a shift in American indulgence from the orgiastic era of the roaring 20s that informed Fitzgerald's hedonistic, self-destructive life to the post-war capitalist caloric excess of all-you-can-eathe's.

Today, Culver City is a pluralistic community that would have infuriated its namesake. And the Culver founded stakerie, while having contracted from its late 20th century dominance, still exists a sit-down chain that itself services a diverse working-class demographic. As for its name, it's birthed from a useful cliche that, while less poetic than Fitzgerald's style, gets its point across plainly. You sell the sizzle, not the steak. This week on Doe Boys, we return to Sizzler. Welcome to Doe Boys, the Podcasts about chain restaurants.

I'm Tiger Weiger, along with my co-host. E.B.M. White, omit needless turds, the spoon man, Mike Mitchell. That one was a little brainy. It's a reference to our discussion with Jesse Thorne about E.B. White's, you know, the elements of style, where he omit needless words was the passage that we cited. Okay. I'm just saying what the, I'm just walking you through the reference. Hi, Do Boys and Do Girls

That reference almost put me under, man. That was, that was a... Have you ever thought about being an anesthesia? Hi, Do Boys and Do Girls. We wouldn't need a bathroom breakdown every episode of Mitch followed this great advice. Lots of love, Mark, aka Cramm on the Dosecord from New Zealand. Have you ever thought about being an anesthesia?

I thought I was going to say it. Anesthesiologist? Anesthesiologist. Have you ever thought about that? Um, you go in there, you talk to the patient, they go under. Can you try to say it again? And if this is my, this is, this is my hell day. Yeah.

This is my third podcast. Oh my God. I'm sorry. Jesus. This is also my third. Oh, all right. Well, three podcasts in one day. Oh, shut the fuck up.

That would, that would kill you. I'd be fine. You would not, you would not like it. No, I'd be in bad shape. And it's, that's a lot of podcasting. And this is last. Anesthesiologist. Anesthesiologist.

I think you're seeing it, the TH, but you don't have to say the T.A. Anesthesia. Anesthesiologist. Yeah. For whatever reason, it didn't sound right. But you did say it right. Yes, I have thought about doing that much. Roastatbirdfuck.com.

Yeah, home and home for you today. You did our guest podcast and you're doing our podcast. And a third. A mystery third. A mystery third. Okay. Picked up my dry cleaning. Got some stuff done.

It was good. Hit Duncan. Do you dry clean? I dry clean my suit. Oh. Bring that suit home? No. Okay.

What are you doing with that suit? I just did. And then I sent it to the dry. It's the suit I wore to the Napa Boys premiere. Okay. And I had been sitting in a pile. I was like, I got to take the suit for the dry cleaners. I brought it in last week and they're like, we need a week for it to be dry clean.

I was like a week. And then it was that funky? It wasn't that. No, it wasn't that fun. There was nothing wrong. There was, it was, it just wasn't that bad. Did you shit in it? I did not shit in the suit.

You busted in it once. It was a good movie. So it was a... It didn't seem like it needed that long, but it was like a week, and I was like, okay, this is the day that I'm, like, recording a bunch of things. And then going back, I mean, not to date this episode, but going back for the great gobble event that we all gobble event. Yes. Many gobbles to all of you who celebrate. Many gobbles to those who celebrate.

The great gobble event. The great gobbles. A great gobble event. Goplier every year. I, yeah, you know what? I'm realizing, because I own suits, I just don't get them dry cleaned. I just wear them and then I just put them back up,

like on the shelf. Oh, nasty. I just put it back on the rack, yeah. I don't think that's nasty. I don't think they get all that stinky. I mean, we wear your shirt and underwear underneath. Well, dry cleaning, they just spray chemicals on it. It's not cleaning it.

Yeah. So, I think you can just do that at home. A free of the way to keep the moths away. They're going to be flying there dying, smelling your suits. Your suits stink. People are afraid to tell you your suit's stink. Your suits smell great. They smell like shit.

For breeze. For breeze? Yeah, for breeze. You're just going to squirt some ferbrize on there? What do you think the dry cleaner's doing? They're just spraying chemical febrize on your shit. I don't love chemicals personally. That's what dry cleaning is.

It's just chemicals. There's a dry cleaner not far. from my house. She does a great job. We're friends. Wow, great. And that changes what she does because of the proximity to your house and your friendship. She's not from our house and we're friends. She's very nice. How about that? She does a great job. Yeah. My suits don't stink. My suits don't either. I'm not fucking shitting and busting in them. I'm like being like a fucking animal. Now hold on a second. Wait. What dry cleaner do you go to? I can't, well, I just told you it's close. Yeah, I know, but the close one is a man. The close to here or close to me?

I know where you live It's close to me Yeah You don't go to I don't go to I don't go to Okay Sounds delicious

Here hold on a second Sounds delicious Let me let me Let me let me let me let me let me let me let me let me let me let me let me let me write you right you right now where I go okay okay Mitch is writing in his phone Um Um Um Um

And I've got my potato out Dry cleaner Dry cleaner Okay here we're Oh and you had that potato phone case It's a lot of fun I got it um Oh I thought you were going to text me

oh okay yeah that's closer than i thought i thought you were going the other way like straight that way got it no no oh i know the one you're talking about yeah that's a good one that is a good one i can say what that that's is that on it's up to you i mean you don't say it don't tell these people where you live yeah and i guess i got this a week ago i love it and i like and it's got a little potato guy it's great and i like um the nice man in my life i like going Where's my potato? That's fun. That's very good.

Yeah, because you got a bit, it's a big potato case, but then a little dangling potato key chain there. A baby potato. Now he's got a pineapple phone case. It chisels a lot of fun. These food phone cases seem to be in. They are. This is a Jessica Jardine.

She had it. And I said, where did you get that potato from? And she said Amazon, so I ordered me one. And I got a peanut. Okay. See, here's the issue with that. That would be too big for my pocket, the potato case. And I just do classic.

It's not too big for my pocket. Do you keep it in your pocket? Yeah, we're of similar size and shape. That's, I didn't, there was nothing that, there was nothing there. There was nothing. There was nothing there that was implying otherwise, is what I was saying. I feel like you've had several mini strokes. I told you I had long COVID and then you know what, driving back there, I was telling

why my brain is just mush right now. My brain is also a little mushy, but the place is, we went to, we'll do that to you. And all day, yeah, we'll have that after effect. We're dealing in the lingering aftermath. We're dealing in the long shadow of this meal that we've consumed. Yeah, I've already shit some of it out. Yeah.

Did you use a restroom? Everybody did. Yeah, I took a shirt. Oh, man, so you used it and were done before I was finished. Yeah. You were taking your sweet time in there. I was not having fun in there. It was one of those, do you know one of those things where you're like, oh, I think I'm done?

And then like another wave hits. Yeah, sure. That's what was going on. Do you have a bidet? I have a bidet. Do you shoot the water up your butt to clean it out? I do. Okay.

Do you? You don't want to go too high up there because you don't want to give yourself like an enema. Why? Because that's like not healthy to start like, you know, interfering with your body's natural processes. You don't even want to look in the after. But if you start doing that, then you'll start to induce, you know, additional, like I've read about this. You don't want to be blasting too much water up there too high pressure. Like not up into the hole.

I blast it right into the hole. Yeah. I don't think you want to be like, you know, power washing your insides regularly. No, I think you want to be, like, more cleaning the surface. Oh. And then, because otherwise you're basically giving yourself an enema every single time you're having a B.M. Wags only puts it up to the full pressure when he's doing a water flosset for his teeth. He stands over the toilet and gets, and then flosses his teeth with the water.

That's a really funny image. Yeah. Excuse me, I need to floss my teeth. I'm just fucking standing over the toilet. It's that voice. You, my man. Okay. You, my mom.

Hey, we got the late night sillies going on here. Yeah, burning the midnight oil here at 6.30 p.m. Well, it is pitch black outside. It is really dark. I'm going to the airport at 3.30 this morning. I don't understand that. I think it's too early. Her time to go to the airport was, I would say, bad.

I have a 6 a.m. flight. You said leave at 5. because you board at 5.30. You have pre-check. I know that. You probably have clear as well. So you get there. That's a half hour to board. You are right. I have TSA pre-check and clear. This is true. Technically, it's an hour to board because you have up until 15 minutes prior to departure to get on the plane. You'd be getting a little close if he did that. That would give me anxiety. And you missed, in our doughboys experience, he's missed the flight. I have not. I miss flights all the time. This is a part of the issue At least every quarter I'm missing a flight or two

Here's the thing There's always another flight That's a good point I just hop on another flight A couple hours later It was fine That would be a nightmare If I was at the airport

And then stuff This is a whole thing we've talked about before Because this all goes back to shitting Which is that you're timing your BMs to correspond with a flight You get on the early flight So that you don't have to worry about Taking a BM in advance or on the plane

Yeah I don't like to eat the day, my way, this got into us into a big fight. Yeah. It got us into a big fucking fight. It's fine. No, it wasn't even a big deal. I just like, I was... No, it wasn't. No, it wasn't. We're so close to the end of the year. Yeah, Mitch, you gotta drop to play. I was looking at a bit in my phone. You got a drop to play, we gotta get her guest in here.

What is, what was the fight? So here's the thing. Can I tell you one of the bits in my phone? Yeah. What do we think about when a woman calls her private parts flower? That's a bit? What do we think about it? Like when someone says I gave them my flower? Yes.

I was thought that meant virginity. Yeah. Is it always virginity? I think so. I've heard it in that context, but I think maybe you're thinking like a Georgia O'Keefe sense. Like it's like a flowery sort of organ. How is this a bit? That's what I want to know.

It's not a bit as more of it is a conversation start. Oh, okay, okay. Got it. A half idea. Because I think someone calling it a flower. I guess I don't like any genital nicknames personally. Not even a mushroom stump. I mean.

that's pretty good sticking with plant life my mushroom stump I mean I don't know in what I'm trying to think of a scenario where I'd be saying it and it was immediately dirty and angry for whatever reason but let's see should I go on to the next bit

let's see what else is yeah fine Emma can you see how ashy my legs are from okay they're very ashy I don't fine from here I would have never said no offense I think it's because you're white Oh, yeah, sure.

Yeah, I don't think you know Ash. Can I be honest with you? There's no other bits written down. Okay. Any other questions? Yeah, do you have another question? Thought starters. There's a thing, there's one note that just says endocrinologist, which I think means I should go visit one.

What is this, what is an endocrinologist? Inside person? Oh, interesting. I think. Okay. Right? That's your inside doctor? Endo sounds like inside.

I'm laughing I can't even repeat Look, the flower thing went over gray already But Why are you doing this? I'm just trying to get conversation going We could play your drop

We're at the end of the year All right Emma hit him with the drop I know everyone's gonna be mad I was looking at my fucking phone He looks at his iPad all the time And a lot of the times He's looking at comic books What?

He's looking at his He's looking at the dirty comic books I would never look at a hentai. You're looking at the hand tie. I would never look at a hentai on my iPad while we were doing a record. He's quit quitting all of the hentai. He 100% is. You guys get mad at him.

He's secretly keeping his iPad there. I look at my phone from my notes to bring up interesting stuff, like how women calling their vagina flower is disgusting. I asked, I said, what were you fighting about in reference, I think, to planes? and then you said... I was trying to change the subject because it was a fight. Okay. It was fine. It's fine. We got over.

I said that I don't eat before I fly. Yes. And I was like, well, we have different schedules. That's what he said. Yeah, I was like, if you got up a little bit earlier, we don't need to rehash this. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, no, no, you're right. Because 4 a.m. is far too late in the day to get up tomorrow.

No, but I'm probably the only person that can settle this. Actually, I'm saying this, like, if you had, let's say you had your flight a little bit later in the day. You got up with enough time to eat something, move your bowels before you got on the plane. That's a good point. If my flight was at 6 p.m., I guess I shouldn't be waking up at 3.30 p.m. Well, no, but this is the thing of like... Well, you're being an extremist now. Yeah, you're really, you're really like pushing it.

There's nothing else on your phone. There's a big point between there. There's not much else on here. I mean, I get why you leave so early, but also there is a happy medium where you leave at like 10. do you have to have breakfast? I don't want to eat before a flight. I like very rarely. If I have a 7 p.m.

I sometimes may eat lunch sometimes. But if you have a 10 a.m. plate, you don't have to eat, right? No, I don't want to eat. But you can sleep a little later. So you don't have to be up before. But he was saying, he was like, our schedule is different. I just don't like to eat before flights.

Yeah. And he was like, well, our schedules are. But our schedules are different, too. I know they are. That's a truism. I know. I'm happy they are. I don't like your schedule.

Do you know what his schedule is? Yeah, wake up, be boring. I don't know what the fuck it is. How dare you. Wake up at 5 a.m., bore the shit out of everyone I see. I'm not up at 5 a.m. I practice good sleep hygiene. I have a consistent sleep time and wake time.

You told me that your sleep's not good recently. It hasn't been great, but I've been working on it, yeah. What's going? How are you working on it? Meen up with Sandman? I've seen an anesthesiologist. Yeah, try to say that one again. I think it is just a lisp is happening.

I don't know what's going on. No, I think you're seeing the word. There is a T-H. There you go. Anesthesi-oh. Have you been put under in a minute? It hasn't been since 2020. 2020.

Yeah, I fell down the stairs, broke the ankle, and then, yeah, had to get pins. Yes, pins put in. And then I had to have them taken out. That requires you to. go to be sedated. Wow. Okay. Yeah. The anesthesiologist, when they were, like, giving me the drugs, he was like, count down

from a hundred. And I was counting down, he was like, you're making it pretty far? And then he was like, also, your blood pressure is elevated. You nervous? And I was like, what are these? What the fuck? What are these questions? Yeah, I'm very nervous.

And then when he was like, you've gone down. Like, your tolerance is really high. I think that's what he was trying to imply. And I was like, I don't know what to tell you. I didn't even make one second when I did it. They were like, all right, count down from like 10. And I was like, 10. And then I was, don't remember anything.

Oh, really? That's my memory of getting my wisdom teeth taken out, like, you know, whatever, 25 years ago at this point. But I had a, I took an anatomy class in high school. Put him back in, you dumbass. Wow. I took an anatomy class in high school. Wow. And.

I was too mean? My teacher. No, no, no. It was quick and good. It was just, it was right there. Put him back in you. Our teacher talked about how she used to give autopsies, and the first autopsy she ever, well, before she got into teaching public school, she worked as like a, you know, in forensics and did perform autopsies. First autopsy she ever did was a man who died, uh, enduring surgery from the anesthesiologist.

Oh my God. And it was a thing where he did not disclose that he was an alcoholic. And so that because of that, the, that reacted with the, you know, his. elevated alcohol levels, the chemicals that they put in him and just like fucking killed him. He never woke up. And he was handsome too.

That's very funny to add. That's so funny. But you got put under? She got an ugly guy for your wisdom teeth? Yeah, what the fuck is she saying? I don't know. Just like I think it just sticks with you.

Well, ugly people deserve to die. All right. What? Why did you have to think about that? Sorry, that's right. Do you have wisdom teeth? I got them removed as well. Did you get put them back in,

you dumb ass? Quick, quick, quick. Did you get put under? I did get put under. I didn't. Wow. They twisted and pulled them and I felt it. Oh, that's horrible.

Local anesthetic? Wow, okay. That's intense. I don't remember. I don't like so. A lot of times they're in packed where they're going sideways and you have to go under. Oh, maybe that's what it was. I have all of mine in my mouth still to this day.

I have one. Just one. They left one. I only had three. Oh. Waking up from Wisdom Teeth was, that was the work, because waking up from the and Osprey, great. I was in a bed and it was nice.

Waving up from the wisdom teeth, I woke up and I was in a different room, which I was like, how did I get into this room? And my mom was there and I was like, was I said, like, was I talk, you know what I mean? Like, I was like, afraid that I was like saying dumb stuff while I was on it, because I like was semi awake, you know what I mean? And then went out whenever I went down.

Were you saying dumb stuff? I maybe was. I had no idea. I maybe was, yeah. You said a lot of dumb stuff so far. So, okay, moving on. Uh, Mitch, we go, our guest has, our guest has an out.

We haven't played the drop yet. Oh, play the drop. Please, hit him with the drop, Emma. Sizzler. Oh, wow. Taking a strip together. Taking it's a Sizzler. It's a restaurant within a restaurant.

Sizzler. That sounds good. But hurry, before this guy eats it all. I love Sizzler. Sounds like Sizzler. I'm in it for the crunch. Sizzler. I was shocked because everyone makes jokes about Sizzler.

Sizzler brings the choices that you've been looking for. Are you going to let it all hang out? That bottom cones. You make the Sizzler world go round. A lot of fun. Earl Pall, Marissa Pinson on there. That's right. Yes.

What's up Pimp PIN Pels? Hey, Nick, Mitch, Nicole, and the dais. Okay. Sending in an oldie from way back. in 2017, I made this after your first review of Sizzler with Marissa Pinson, but I don't think I ever sent it in. Is Sizzler still a golden play club chain? I guess we'll see. Cheers, D.K. The drop king himself coming out of retirement to give us a bespoke drop. How about that? Very fitting. Drops at birdfogne. And befitting an esteemed guest we have back on the podcast.

Wouldn't it be fun of you were an anesthesiologist? Got it. Wouldn't it be fun of your anesthesiologist to be like, you're making it pretty far, far, far, like, trying to mess. You know what I'm saying? Like doing some echo voice stuff, trying to mess with it, trying to, trying to be. Yeah, sure. I think it would be fun for that person, but maybe not fun for the patient. I'm like, why are you trying to fuck with me? All right, that's fair.

When I, when I woke up with my wisdom teeth out, I had a bunch of gauze in my mouth and was bleeding. It was like a terrible experience waking up from that. It was terrible not being put to sleep. Yeah, that's also true. True, yeah. Now I can't open my mouth all the way. Do you think, Mitch, you're afraid that while you're asleep that a mummy had you suck him off?

It was my mother. Oh, okay, sorry. I wasn't there with a mummy. But yeah, of course, I'm always afraid. For any night I go to bed, I'm afraid I'm going to be sucking a mummy off, of course. That would be so awful if you blew a mummy and then you got like the bandages stuck in your mouth. Yeah, I know. Can you imagine?

That is a good question. Do you have to unwrap? Do you got to unwrap his dick? I would imagine it is wrapped. So you got unwrap it. Do you unwrap it to suck him up? I think he wants it wrapped. He likes, he wants it to remain wrapped.

Yeah. Yeah, what is it? Glovet, ticket. Wait. Oh, wait. No glove, no love. Our guest. I was thinking of Click It Ticket.

Our guest host, why won't you date me right here in a head gum? Nicole, is back. Hi, Nicole. Thanks so much. Wow. Thank you for having me. What a treat. What an absolute.

joy every time you join us. Last time we discussed Applebee's. Our first Applebee's review. Have you returned to the bee? Have I? Yes, I have. You have? Okay. Yes. In Jamestown, New York. I was doing like shows there and I went to the Applebee's. I had boneless buffalo wings and I think ribs and it was a lovely time. Sounds like a hoot.

There's an Applebee's next door to North Quincy High School and I've never been to it. My high school. Your alma mater. Yeah. Do you have one? near Ed Gien High School, where the teachers give autopsies to fucking... I did not go to Ed Gein High School named for the serial killer. I did not go to Monster High.

I went to Long Beach Polly High, homeless scholars and champions. That's right. Famous alumni include a Snoop Dog and Cameron Diaz. Cameron Diaz. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. Tony Gwyn went to my high school.

Wow. Tony Gwyn was a Major League Hall of Famer, RIP. And also a Billy Jean King, the tennis great. Yes. Marilyn Horn, opera singer. Mm-hmm. Yeah. What a line.

up. Yeah. Stephen Van Zant went to my high school. Wow. From the Sopranos. We were just talking about the Sopranos. Sylvia. Yeah.

Wow. He does this look a lot of the time. Yeah. He's doing like kind of a Pacino impression. Yeah. What do you think of him in the series so far? He's great. His wig is the best wig.

He's got a good wig. He's got a good wig. My favorite character? Tony's mother. I was very sad when she passed away. Livia Soprano is great. She is so funny. Nancy Marchand, great actor, R.

Also, it has a great performance of the naked gun. Oh, right, yeah. Yeah, she's a villain. Oh, no, also, is Nancy Marche? No. No, she's like the head of the police department. That's right.

Wait, but is she, she's not in the Goonies. That's another actor, right? Or is it? No, I think it's a different actor. It's not Nancy Marche. Okay. Yeah. She's great.

She's great. And then also, yeah, pass away. And they had to use a CGI version of her. Yes. And it was so, it was very strange. It was very jarring. It is a little jarring. Like, it's not, like, for what they had to do.

Yeah, it's not crazy, but it was just they had recycled, I think, old things that she had said already. It's stuff that was already on the show, so it's a little bit. Like, I just like, like, who am I to note the Sopranos? But I've been like, they could have just not had that scene and she could have just passed away off camera. Sounds like I'm trying to note them. I'm just trying to note the Sopranos. So who am I? Who am I to know the CGI Wager ready to go from whenever you kick the bucket?

I don't know this isn't CGIWagger. Yeah, no one knows because we're going to keep it going. We're keeping it running. And all, you've repeated yourself a billion times. time's over, so it's no big deal. Oh, my God. Yeah, I'm coming at you today. You really are.

It's the holidays. I'm sick of your shit. Let's get this stuff over with. I'm ready to go back home to Mommy. Yeah, we know. Will you tell your mom I said hi? She'll be very happy. I love her so much.

Teller Wiger said hi, too. All right, we'll see. She loves me. She does, you know what, Wages is a very good. When he came to my house, the two of them sat out on the ports for a little too long. What a lovely time. And we're having a good time. Trying to be his daddy?

Is that what's happening? Trying to be his new daddy? You could do worse. If you're my dad, you do have to punish me by spanking now. Spilling milk left and right. I guess that doesn't deserve spanking. You're smelling milk to try to get her face. Bad boy.

Here's my question for you to call it that's related and pertains to what we had today because I've known you in the past is a bit of a soup skeptic but you we certainly enjoyed a a little crock of soup today we recently did soup month of the podcast crocdo burn fast I didn't I forgot that you were a soup skeptic have you like like yeah have you have you have you turned a corner on that are there certain soups that you're that you can tolerate have turned a corner I was on a KLM flight from Amsterdam to South Africa and they gave me a like it was like a curry soup and it was so good wow what was the airline you say klm okay okay oh klm okay and i really liked it and then when i was in africa i had more soup

and i said maybe there's something about soup maybe people are right about soup and then i've been like kind of a soup head ever since i got to say tonight one of the first things you mentioned was a soup yeah i got excited i said oh a broccoli cheddar soup that's right yeah which is very decadent. It really is. But it was nice. It's quite a bit. It is, it is, I think all of us have a case of the rumblies right now, I guess. For sure. Yes, I've already shit. Yeah, same here. Yes. Yeah. And it was not, yeah, immediately, and also very quickly after we all arrived here.

Yeah. You know who else shit? Whichever, whichever fucking animal was using the sizzler stall before me, which I can, standing about 15 feet away, fucking blasting a super-soaker of diarrhea directly onto the toilet seat. fucking monster Look I didn't know you were Yeah Did you take a picture? I was not going to take a picture

If someone else's shitty toilet I didn't know you were going to use the bathroom after me So I apologize This also This plays into I told you This is 100% the same person Yeah I went into the bathroom

There was a very loudly Someone was watching live TV on their phone Or a video of a Spanish language sitcom and it was very much noises in the studio audience laughing so it was like it was like boing and then like and I was like what is this show

I was fascinated by that but in between it would be like boing spring and then so fucking loud it was disgust it was truly this guy was like shit and it must have been the same guy yeah because it was like very

very loud and it seemed very echoey and I think it was a man You think it was a man? I mean, it was definitely, I was, I mean, I think it was. It was the men's room. It was the men's room. But I, no, I have no idea who was in there. But it was 100% it was a disgusting experience.

And I'm like, in the time that you, that we ate and you went back in there, I don't, I doubt anyone else. No, I mean, like, whoever was in there beforehand was like, definitely hovering over the seat. Felt like possibly, like, at a 90 degree angle. I was, I mean, I was in there laughing. I was hearing a weird sitcom. Yeah. And then, like, there was occasionally. in a studio laugh truck that was like happening constantly and then diarrhea explosive noises in between

Jesus Christ. I just don't understand. Like I get hovering, but I feel like if you have to shit, you should just sit. Just sit, yeah. Just take the L and sit. Especially if you're watching something. Like you're going to be there long enough to like put your show on. Yeah. But also it is unhinged to watch television in a public bathroom. That's It's weird. Well, as you're shooting shit all over the toilet. I mean, maybe there were a lot of people in there laughing with him, and it wasn't a, maybe it wasn't a video. Who knows?

I don't know what it was, but it was very strange. And I was laughing. And there was another guy there who was also laughing as I was walking out. So, like, we knew it was a weird, funny thing. I should have gone to the women's room. I maybe missed out on something diabolical in there. I would argue, it made my meal worse, I guess, after I went in there. It's a very, it's a tight quarter.

there's not it's not it's not uh yeah it's not great in there let's let let we'll get to that we'll get into all that but let let we're gonna get back to okay we'll get back to that we've covered it now we'll talk we'll talk about this week's restaurant I would like to really get into it what color was the shit was it light or dark great question uh we're talking yellow brown or dark you know like it was like a tan brown oh that's tough yeah I don't know why that's tough for me dark is like okay but tan yeah it's a little upsetting very specific. That's all right. What are you going to do? And you just decided to not use the restroom, right?

Yeah, I just was like, I'll just go back at headgum. I'll just use the headgum echo toilet. So you were going to, you were going to go number two in that bathroom? Yeah, what did you think I was going to do? I shouldn't have sizzler. Yeah. So in my car, you were holding it in maybe. Yeah, but it was fine. It wasn't urgent. You didn't notice? I had noticed. I was taking my sweet time. What is he going to be like, oh, no. I mean, that's what I, that is very much what I do.

There's a, not, not every shit for me is, like, an emergency. Like, there's times it's like, I have to shit. I don't know that life. Yeah. I don't, I don't, I actually. Unfortunately, I don't know that life. I kind of don't know that life either. It is always an emergency.

Wow. And it's like, I got like 10 minutes before, like, disaster. Yeah, I know I had a little bit of a time, of a window, you know. There are times when it is, like, holy shit, I'm going to shit my pants if I don't get in a toilet. What are you doing those scenarios? I remember, like, driving with Armin and Bug Main and Jack to, like, go pitch something. and I was like, oh, my God, my stomach. And I had to be like, don't talk to me.

I was like, you can't talk. Like, that's like what I had. It was just like me concentrating on not going to the bathroom. And then I had to run into a meeting at him and I was like, hi and hugging me. I was like, excuse me. And then I went into the bathroom and like it destroyed it, which is so embarrassing to like they, like they knew exactly what it was happening. Do you carry, um, like a pooperie? Yeah, pupery.

Well, you told me something on your podcast earlier about some matches that you have. Yes. Their incense matches. Oh, that's smart. So you light them, and then you just hold it for a little bit, and it's an incense, and it smells really nice. Very savvy. I do not travel with poo-per-ree. You should.

Maybe I should, yeah. I now, kind of under your recommendation, I now will have a pepto-bizmol in my car or something. But it can, like, harden. If you keep it in your car for too long, it can, like, harden up. Oh. My never last long enough for it to harden. It's five in a week. Do them pills.

Yeah. Oh, don't I like the chubles? A little chubles. That's what I travel with. But Peptobizma also backs me up if I take it, so I try not to take it up. Can I pitch something at you? Yeah. Get up a little bit earlier, have your meal earlier, then you have your meal before the flight.

I can't wait to text you at 5 a.m. When you are going to be awake and I'm going to the airport. Thanksgiving. Are you going to wake up at 5 a.m. on Thanksgiving morning? I don't wake up at 5 a. I do some days. But I don't, but mostly my wake time is between 6 and 7. Can I ask?

Yeah. What are you doing? Six, seven. Oh, that's good. That's good, Mitch. Yeah, you're hip. Six, seven. You know what the teens are doing.

Yeah. Sigma, six, seven. Wendy's is, there's a very desperate Wendy's thing where they're doing like a six, seven frosty. Did you see this? It's tough, I mean, but, you know, nothing's as sweaty as what steak and shake has been doing, which we'll get into at a certain point. Wait, I need to know, what are you doing. doing at 6, 7 a.m.? Like, what are you doing?

Mitch, no. I just get, I mean, like, I just try to, I historically have a lot of problems sleeping, and I have no reason to be up late. I get nothing going on. So I'm just like, I like maintaining a regimented sleep cycle. And it also gives me time, you know, I got a job right now. So I can go time to get time to go to the gym before I go into work or whatever. So, you know, but like, yeah, I think just maintaining some regularity and then having to

having my own sleep cycle kind of line up with the, when the sun rises and when it gets dark out. How often do you watch that sun come up? Do you watch it come up often? Sometimes, yeah. Not every day. How often do you watch that sun come? The waste. And that was insane.

I'm interested. How often do you watch that sun come up? Not every day. Usually I'm waking up early if I'm seeing the sun actually rise. Usually I'm up and the sun is already outer. Or in the process of rising. Do you know what I think is a beautiful Dracula moment or vampire moment, I guess, is when they're like, let's watch the sun.

You know, they know they're going to die. And they're like, watch, let's watch the sun. Oh, yeah, sure. Because they never get to, you know, they never get to see it. Yeah. It's a very, I think it's a very sweet moment. There's a version of that interview with a vampire. There is.

They watch the, but there is like a grim version of that where it does lead to some characters dying. But there's another one where Brad Pitt's character just gets to watch a sunrise in a movie. because he's like, oh yeah, like I've lived long enough where now movies exist and now I can see what this actually looks like. What movie are you talking about? I think I was just thinking about interview with a vampire where they watch it.

But there is a few of them, I think there's a few of them where they get to watch the sunrise. It happens in, I think, Thirst, the Bongchun Ho movie. Oh, okay. It's a good job movie. I've never seen Thirst either. Oh, Mitch, you'd love that movie. That's a great movie.

I like Bong. I'm a big fan of Bong. What's another Bong. I said Bonggino. I met Park Chan Look. Oh, well, I could tell you more Bongjiu Ho movie. Wags, can you say, A few Park Chan Wook movies?

Park Chan Wook, he made Old Boy. Oh, great movie. He made Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, Lady Vengeance. He made... Old Boy is great. Have you seen Old Boy? I haven't seen it, but it's on a list of movies

that I'm trying to get through. They hadn't made one of the best movies of this century. He made, what was his most recent movie? I think it's, I think his new movie's called No Other Choice, and then the one he made before the decision to leave. Oh, right. He's been like a good movies. Yeah.

Bongjiou did, recently he did the, Robert Pattinson. Mickey 17. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Yeah. And he did Parasite. Did you ever see Parasite? Oh, I loved Parasite.

That was a nice time. What are your holiday dishes that you are looking, anticipating? It could be for the, the gobbler day. It could be for Christmas. It could be for any sort of like thing around this season. Ribs. Ribs.

Okay. I get Christmas ribs. What specific, like, is there anything specific to the ribs preparation? You said this earlier today. Do you, you heard this earlier today, too. It's true. I'm that excited about my Christmas ribs are great. Yeah. That nice man in my life, his sister makes me ribs for Christmas. Wow. How about that?

And it's really nice. I love ribs and nobody ever really makes me ribs. And I asked for it last year and she made them. And I said, this year do I get Christmas ribs? And she said yes. Are we talking baby back ribs? Is there like a dry rub? Are we talking about some sort of like a sauce? Okay. It's like they look like blood so's. Okay, yeah. And they're like pretty meaty and there's like a dry rub. and I think we added sauce.

I don't think they were sauced. Got it. Which I like. Because then you can regulate how much sauce gets on them. I agree. Yes. I think that's fun.

And mac and cheese for gobble-gobble day. My uncle makes very good mac and cheese. We had a big discussion about this. We were talking about mac and cheese being a true, like a, we were talking about traditional Thanksgiving size. And I said that mac and cheese is not as traditional. Yes, because you're white. Yes.

I think that is the reason why, honestly. But I think, but I, but I was like, to me, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the big ones are stuffing mashed potatoes. Those are kind of the two 100% on the table sort of thing in my mind. But that's wild that you don't have more standards. But I'm saying if I'm like boiling it down to like the like the 100% of the standards, because like any vegetable can come in and out, right? Cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, stuffing.

You're being too much of a traditionalist here. Yeah. But that's the exercise here. That is the exercise. It doesn't have to be. But I think, okay, mashed potatoes, stuffing, cranberry sauce, mac and cheese,

some sort of sweet potato casserole-y thing, and then like colored greens. To me, that's the standard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, of course, it's different for, you know, it's very different with, it's different between families, of course. But I'm saying, like,

what would you say is the number one's stuffing, right? I would say like, or dress it. I kind of wonder if mashed potatoes supplant stuffing slash dressing as the number one, as the most common, if that's what you're trying to do. Because I like a sweet potato too, but I would, like, if I showed up to Thanksgiving, there was no sweet potato, I'd be like, okay, like I wouldn't, I wouldn't be heck thrilled. I would love to have. I'd be very mad.

Would you be mad? Yes. Yeah, yeah, I get it. I've never had a Thanksgiving without some sort of sweet potatoe thing. Yeah, all right, that's fair. For me, I'm like, I'm expecting mashed potatoes stuffing and cranberry sauce. And then all the extras are fun to me. I love a green bean cassero, but I'm not expecting that every time.

Sure. All right. Yeah. I mean, it's not a fun exercise, but it is an exercise. I was just saying it's an exercise. What's the day is? What are your number one side, your number one Thanksgiving or slash holiday dishes? I think mashed potatoes are my favorite.

The mashed potatoes. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. Stuffing, mashed potatoes, cornbread. Cornbread. Cornbread. I'm a side screen.

Yeah. I didn't get enough credit for a side screen. That's good. She got plenty of credit. We laugh. You know what? And no dirty jokes here. You know what I like at Christmas?

Come. A big old bowl of Santa come. Uolog. Oh, that's fine. Yes, I like a Uolog. Have you had one? What? Isn't a Yule log just on the TV and it burns?

No. You mean like a cake log? Yeah, yeah. Are they called Yulogs? There is a dessert, yes, but I'm like I only know about it in the abstract. I've never actually had it. Oh. I really thought it was just like a burning log that you turn on the screen.

I mean, that's also very fun too. Well, what's a Yule? What are you eating? I'll show you a Yule log. Hold on, I'll show it to you. Oh, it's like a chocolate roll cake that looks like a log. Oh. One of those specialty Christmas desserts, a kind of fruit cake.

And look, not traditional at all. Fruit cake is sick. I'm not into fruit cake. I'm not a fruit cake. You know what? I got to say it, Thanksgiving food better than Christmas food a lot of time. I don't think that's controversial. Most people agree with you.

Yeah. More of a food holiday. Here we go. Here's a yolog. Oh, it's like a yo-ho. No, a yodel. It does look like a yodel. It does look like a big fat yodol.

It's a yodel. It does look like a stomboli-sized yodog. It does. I don't like, this one's nasty. That one looks too much like a log. Yes, some of them really do look like that. I mean, that's the fun of it. They try to make it look very longy.

It's like chocolate and then like cream? Yeah, chocolate, yeah, like a chocolate cake. Wrapped in cream. Yeah, it was like cream in it. Yeah, it's good. Interesting. Does your mom make that? No, I've only really had it at Christmas twice, but I loved it. I ordered it twice.

And it was good. And also we'll do, sometimes we'll do prime rib or roast or like a roast beef on on Christmas, which I think is fun. Controversial. I don't like a prime rib. Really? Yeah, I don't like it. It's too big and meaty and chewy. It's certainly a situation. There's a lot of times

where you get a bad prime rib and it's not really worth it. There are times when you find a place that really executes it well and be like, and this is like their specialty. I'm like, yeah, right, yeah. Have you ever been to Lowry's? I don't know if I've had a prime... No, actually, I haven't. I haven't been there. Lari's and Tamo Shantra is the other big one

that has... See, I've had, I've tasted did the Tamoshanter one and I did not like it. Oh, okay. I like Tamishanters. It's a fun time. But you like steak, which we got into today. Love steak. So that's why it's surprising because they also do a thin sliced prime rib and I wonder if you should try that because when it's very thin sliced, it is like, it's some of that texture stuff can go away a little bit. I would try it, but prime rip, it's just, it's not, it doesn't feel cooked enough and then it's chewy. It's like, it's like gum meat. I think, that is, that is disgusting and I do know what you're talking about. It is a little bit gum.

It is kind of gum meat. Why? She's not wrong. They're very, I mean, I understand though, liking one, liking steak and not liking prime rib. Because Natalie is the opposite. Natalie likes prime rib and doesn't really like steak. Natalie doesn't like steak. But she does like, she likes her meat like really rare. Natalie doesn't like steak. I mean, just like

it's not the thing she's usually craving when she goes for an indulgence. I mean, you're not married to her. I feel bad for her about that every day. She likes every. I mean, she's like she, she But she's such a foodie. That's why I'm surprised by this. There's other stuff that she would pick over steak is more of what I mean by that. It's not like she's going to like turn her nose up at it.

But it's just like I'm not, I'd rather. It's not like the first thing she wants to order. Yeah, she'd rather order like a, you know, like a whatever, like a brand zino over like a like a rib eye. You know what I mean? So that's my Christmas Eve dinner is and I noticed that no one got any of this soup today. But clam chowder. There was clam chowder? There was clam chowder.

We all opted for the broccoli cheese soup. We'll do clam chowder and we'll do like stuff. stuffed clams. This is very new ink. Co-hogs, as they call them. Yes. And then, co-hogs. Co-hogs.

We call them stuffed clams, but co-hogs. I call them a Peter Griffin's town. You do call it Peter Griffin's hometown. Clam chowder and then lobster rolls. That will be our, that's our Christmas Eve dinner. And I love it. That's tough. Do you not like any of that stuff?

It's just tough for me. It's just a lot of seafood. It's a lot of seafood. I don't think, I'm not a clam head. Clam, wait. oysters are on a half shell and those are raw clams are they open up

when you put them up and stuff clams are it's very much like a stuffing it's like breading that's cooked and you kind of don't even taste the clam that much right for people who have had them it's mostly the filling it's just mostly the filling I think you would enjoy those you get raw clams on the half shell though

yeah I don't like I don't like raw clams I like oysters I don't like raw clams I love oysters I love oysters yeah but do you are you a lobster fan or no I do like lobster. Okay. But like clams and muscles, they taste. The texture's a little snotty.

It's like snotty. Sure, I can see that. A clam chow, do you like clam chowder or no? No, the color of it upsets me. What, the, just, it's just a. It's like Santa cum. It's like Santa com. Yeah.

Yeah, a big bowl of Santa cum. I don't. Yeah, I get it. Chunky cum, I don't want it. This is a salad bar restaurant. I feel like a lot of people who go to the Sizzler, they're there for the salad bar. It's the value play. There's a lot of items on the salad bar that you could turn into your entree if you so deigned.

Was there like, was there a salad bar? I know we've talked about your. I have a, I just, I have something I think is kind of a great pitch. Okay. Salad bar with a salad bar tender. Like a guy who's like helping you make your salad. I mean, he's like washing cups. Like an omeless tape.

Oh. Like a guy who's like behind the salad bar. You know what I'm saying? You're pitching sweet cream. Sweet cream. That's what you're pitching. Did I just pitch sweet cream? Yeah, you just pitched like a chopped or a... But also, like, you can sit at the bar. You know what I'm saying? Salad bar. You can sit at the bar.

What do you have in? Ranch. Keep them coming. Ranch. Just shot glasses filled with ranch. A salad bartender seems fun to me in some way. It is fun, but it is just a sweet green. It is a sweet green. I guess it's a sweet green. Well, no. It's not a sweet green. If you don't have the things out in front of you,

if you have to turn around to do it. Yeah, you can see. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, look. It's a sweet green. It's a sweet green, whatever. There goes my idea.

Was there a, like. I'm going to still put it in my notes. Was there a salad bar you went to growing up? I'll answer for myself real quick, which is that there was Marie Calenders, which is now a mostly defunct chain. They think people primarily know from the frozen foods aisle of their grocery store. But Marie Calendors should have a salad bar that, like,

I coveted as a boy. Yeah, and so like that's what I think of That was my first like kind of salad bar experience I think of And also the soup plantation Unfortunate name for a restaurant We've discussed this very much Truly wild that they said, no notes Do you want to hear the worst part about it?

Wags, hit her with when they finally closed 2021. That's wild That's wild. I remember moving here and so I was like, do you want to go to soup plantings? I was like, no. Yeah.

No, no, I'll never, no. I don't want to go there. Called sweet tomatoes. It's sweet tomatoes in some areas. Sweet tomatoes. Yeah, yeah. So whoever's in the naming department fucking needs to be fired. Sweet tomatoes.

Well, they shuddered. I think there's, is there one left or something? I forget what they do is. There is one, there's one left that I think it's officially branded store and there's another one that's like a renegade where it was like a former franchise owner. It's in like Rancho Cucamonga, California. Who's still running it with the old, with the old, menu. It seems very

it sounds like it aligns with the South in many ways. There's a renegade soup plantation. That's right, right. You'll never close all plantation. Like, oh man, okay. But was there a salad bar you went to growing up? Zizzler. It was Sizzler. And Pizza Hut.

Oh, love the Pizza Hut. Nicole, you mentioned my salad bar. My salad bar was the Pizza Hut salad bar. Did you at your Pizza Hut salad bar, did you guys have like a blueberry cobbler pizza? dessert? There was dessert pizza. I do remember dessert. Yes. I just remember this blueberry, like, cobblery pizza dessert that was so good, but I can't like wrap my mind around how they

made it. Yeah. I guess I could Google. Look, I'll say this, as the young kids will say, I mean, besides six seven, 90s pizza hot buffet was hidden. Wags. It was, it was hidden MacDess. How deeply upsetting to watch you say slang. It was hidden. In the 90s, Pizza Hut was hidden. And I, we used to go there for, I was on the North Quincy for high school football team. And we would sometimes go there for like pasta night.

And then a student. So you're going out of your way not to go to the Applebee's. The Applebee's was wags. The Applebee's was put up later. Actually, I don't even know if I was in school when it was put up. But we would go to the Pizza Hut. But also Pizza Hut rewarded you for reading. I don't think there's like a restaurant like that now for kids.

No. Which is kind of sad. I haven't read a book since this. If I haven't gotten a pizza for it, I haven't read a book. At UCB, Besser told me that if I read Truth in Comedy, he'd get me a Pizza Hot Pizza, so I did it. So that's the last. Is that true? No, it's not true, you fucking asshole.

But it sounded like it could be true. It sounds really plausible. Yeah. The Besser was like, please read Truth in Comedy. Meet Cherna Halpern's Truthing Comedy. It wasn't outlandish enough to feel like a joke. I read True The Comedy because for the love of the game, we're crying out. You wanted to know about Sharna Halpern how she knew Chris Farley.

Yes. Because a lot of anecdotes about that. Trag her. Maybe we turn the air down again. When you say down, you mean colder. Yes. What does that mean to you? It means colder, sorry.

Do you hear it make it colder, Emma? That's what I assume. Mitch has never asked me to make it warmer in here. I've never wanted to be warm. I always say turn the air up to like more air conditioning. I turned it down to six. It's at 66 right now. I turn it down to 6.7.

And it's at 6.6 now. Now it's at 62. The fan was not on. That's the problem. What the fuck is going on here at head gone? Sorry. Who knows? In the summer, what do you use?

set your thermostat to all right this is a great question i and then why i'd like to know yeah no dirty jokes just like ulog 69 degrees is usually what i keep it at interesting is that is that too cold no i thought you'd go colder i mean like sometimes set it to 60 wow like in the dead of summer i like being like bhaer that's for my the vent is like shooting right at me when i'm in bed so even sometimes 69 can be too cold. Sometimes in like 100 degrees, it's 68, 67, or something like that. But never lower than... Oh, my God.

Jesus Christ. Do you turn your heat on in the winter? You know what? I turned it on just... For the first time. I turned it on just the other day for the first time. I turned it on just... Wally and Irma, I could sense were very cold.

And it was like This little cold spell we had And I turned it on to 68 degrees Because it was 65 degrees in my house So I put it to 68 degrees We rarely We rarely go below Below 70

But I think like First of I think our smart thermostat I think the way Where it detects Temperature I think it's like is different From how the house actually feels It just feels like

It just feels like it runs a little bit hotter than the actual temperature And also like you know Natalie is a little Rends a little colder than me so she doesn't like the temperature quite as frigid so if we're both there we'll find a compromise But this is a hard thing if I'm dating somebody

Yeah I'm a I like a little I like it frigid I like it colder and you know and then You know the other person will always Like it's freezing cold in here and I'll be like Sorry about it Sorry about that yeah Someone someone can layer up and someone can layer down

There's a there's a way you can make this work I think layering up is easier than layering down. Yeah, sure. Yeah, just be naked. I guess you could just be naked in the house.

Can you believe I'm a single when I put my thermostat to 67 degrees and then the person I'm dating says, it's too cold in here and I say too

bad and I put my sea path mac on and don't touch them for the rest of the night sleep like a Dracula. Mitch, what was your was Pizza Hut? Was that your salad bar

growing up? Why can't you take the mask off and give them a little smooch? I mean, I will do that occasionally. I'll give them a smooosh which the mask on occasionally.

Oh my God. Wally likes it because the mask does shoot out air and like I think he likes the air on his face. It's very cute. That is adorable. Yeah, because there's a little vents in case your power goes out, which it has done to me. If your power goes out, you know, you're like not, the air is not being pushed into your

nose and mouth. That's scary. It is kind of scary. I know. It's wild. But like, but you're not going to asphyxia. You're not going to asphyxiate because of those little holes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, what did you ask? What's your, like, was, was Pizza Hut then, Was that your salad bar go to? I think when I think of like, yeah, I think that's got to be it.

I also think there was a time when the Wendy's had the salad bar. There's a time when Carl's Jr. Hardy's had a salad bar. Wendy's is the other is the other one. Wendy's had a salad bar for a brief, brief shining moment. Wendy's isn't really, is, Wendy's isn't tough, this is in a tough spot right now. They've, they're falling apart. It's very sad. Wait, they're falling apart?

They have, they've like really, it's really, really bad. They've changed to shredded lettuce. They're like cheapening their product. Shredded lettuce. Yeah, they're shredded lettuce. On a junior bacon cheeseburger? That's what I'm talking about. This is the issue.

Ugh. Yeah. Shredded lettuce just falls off a sandwich. I 100% agree. And it's like this, Wendy's was like, oh, you have like a fresh piece of lettuce. Nice green leaf lettuce, nice piece of romaine or something like that. But I'm, I think, we live close to each other. We don't, I don't see you enough.

That's right. Where did this, where did this come from? I'm pissed off. Are you mad you've never run into her at the Wendy's? Like, what? You're talking about our dry cleaners and all this stuff we share in the day. What I don't see you enough? Where's this coming from?

From friendship. You're needly, you're way too fired up right now. We were on an improv team together. That's a two-way street, Mitch. We were on an improv team together. You could text me. Yeah, you could make an effort to initiate this relationship more. I'm mad.

Bah humbug I say. All right, I'll text you. We'll go to dinner. Yeah, that's fun. You're very close to a restaurant that I like that serves lasagna. There you go. Garfield Cafe. One day.

I'm going to be friends or not. I'm going to fucking be friends or not. Garfield Cafe. Oh, I know what you're talking about. Can I write it down? Mm-hmm. Hey, buddy. What if you could give a gift that brings your favorite holiday traditions and memories to life every day?

With an aura frame, you can. Mitch? Wow. What's your favorite holiday tradition? Wags, mine's putting up the tree, leaving out some cookies for old St. Nick. Well, hey, maybe there's a new tradition you can start this year. You know what? Maybe I put St. Nick in my aura frame, you.

Oh, how about that? What a thing that would be to be, what a thing for your friend? With an aura frame, your gift can arrive ready, add a personal message and preload photos before it ships. Plus, keep adding photos anytime from anywhere. Just download the aura app. You know, I have an aura frame, Wags, and I got one for my sister and my mom. And they both love them. Yeah.

For a limited time, visit auraframes.com and get $45 off ORA's best-selling Carver Matt Frames named number one by wirecutter by using promo code doughboys at checkout. That's A-U-R-A-R-A-Frames.com promo code Do-Boys. This exclusive Black Friday Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year,

so order now before it ends. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Hey, buddy, ever had that my last pair of contacts panic? I know I have. Or worse, been completely out and stuck wearing those bulky glasses you haven't touched in years. Well, now you don't even have to worry about it because your next set is always on the way from 1-800 contacts. They're the only major contact lens retailer that lets you renew your prescription online so you can get your contacts fast.

1-800 contacts has fast-free shipping and delivers the same contacts your doctor prescribes right to your door, all without ever leaving home. For over 30 years, 1-800 contacts has been the leader in online contact lens delivery with millions of contacts in stock and award. winning customer service. Here's what sets them apart from everyone else. They offer fast free shipping on every order and have over 100 million contact lenses in stock ready to ship from their distribution centers across the country. Free returns and exchanges means you can order confidently. They even offer unbeatable perks like free torn lens replacement. They provide a way to renew your contact lens prescription from home with their online vision exam, express exam. It takes less than 10 minutes and gives you a doctor-issued prescription you can use to buy contact lenses.

No other major retailer makes prescription renewal this easy. Their best price guarantee means if you find your contacts at a lower price elsewhere, they'll beat it. That's a promise you won't find everywhere. They have extra discounts for new customers on their site. Their 24-7 customer support is there if you ever need help day or night. Whether you have a strong prescription or a stigmatism, they'll deliver your contacts with fast, free shipping, straight to your mailbox. You know, I got lacedic years ago, but I used to have contact lenses, and dealing with vision issues is always annoying. That's just reality. But 1,800 contacts made it way less annoying back when I wore them. I'd order online. They'd deliver for free, and I'd

could even renew my prescription from home. It's simple, reliable, and saved me a ton of time in frustration. 1-800 contacts could genuinely make life easier if you wear contacts. I know dealing with vision issues is always annoying, but this could take a lot of that hassle away. Getting Contacts doesn't have to be a hassle. Let 1-800 Contacts get you the contact lenses you need right now. Order online at 1-800 Contacts.com or download the free 1-800 Contacts app today. Sizzler was founded in 1958 in Culver City, California.

It had over... It's true. I didn't know this. It had over 250 restaurants at its peak, but it's now down to around 80 locations. Now, during the pandemic, it filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. No? Sorry. But reemerged in 2023.

Our only previous review was back in 2017 with Marissa Pinson, as Drop King Reference in his drop, and it is in the Golden Plate Club. Now, in 2000, there was an E. coli outbreak at a Cisler. in Milwaukee. And in 2006, rat poison was found in the salad bar in Brisbane, Australia. Well, no. The culprit was a mentally unstable woman, but it led to the closure of a bunch of Australian outlets. As far as I know, it's now only in the U.S., Thailand, and Japan, but it had more of an international presence, rather, pre the pandemic. So the Sizzler, this is a place you went to as a kid, and you've been going to more recently. Yes, I think I've been to

the Sizzler, let's see, twice with Marcy, once with Sashire and, Jessica, and then with you guys. So four times within the last, like, four months. Wow. Because you specifically pitched covering Sizzler when we asked you to come back on. What is the reason for this reentry of Sizzler into your life? Well, an affordable steak is always really nice. Yeah.

And I had been like, I had it hankering for dinner with soft serve. And they have a soft serve machine. So I was like, ooh, I can get dinner and soft serve. And then I was like, wait. They also have a salad bar. I can get so many different things because I like having a lot of different things. And I'm on Manjaro, so I can't eat like too, too much. So it's like nice to have a little nibbles.

Yeah, little nibbles of variety. So I went with Marcy and I was like, holy shit, I love it. And then I went back. And we stayed there long enough for me to take a shit, get seconds, take another shit, and then leave. How fun is that? You went twice? That's great. I took two shits.

I was wearing a cute little dress with fruit on it. I was in my little cowboy booths. And I was like, oh, no. And then I took a to-go ice cream. I love sizzling. Mitch, here's my question for you. And maybe Amelia, you can weigh in in this as well. Is the Rizzler a pun on Sizzler?

Yes, he is. He is specifically. You want to do the Sizzler with the Rizler. This is, right, at one point? Yeah. He has merch that it's like the Sizzler, logo, but it just says the Rizzler on it. So, and he's, I think he's done

brand deals with them. But he's explained the etymology of Rizler comes to say, I mean, it has to be a pun on that. What else would it be? Oh, no, that's from the Riz face. No, but I know, I know that it comes from the Riz face, but I'm saying, like, the specific name, the Rizler has to be from Sizzler, right? Like, what

else would it be derived from? You just said it was? You just said it was. I thought we were just saying, I just, never mind. I don't know. Did you know what I was asking? No. Okay. You just got excited to answer about the Rizzler. I was saying like, like, I know what the Riz's face is and I know that he is the Rizler. I'm just saying, well, what other

Islers are there? Right? It's just, like, the Rizler is upon on Sizzler. Could be a pun on Twizzler. It could be upon Twisler. I suspected Sizzler. Or if you are someone who Rizzes people, what are you? The Rizler. Yeah. You know what? It could be like the Riddler, I guess. It could be like the Riddler

but it's what it might be. We're going to capture this little fucker and get some answers. Capture. I'm not capture this boy. Fine, fine, everyone relax. Get a net out. Capture him. He's nine.

Is he nine? We'll get him. We'll invite him to the show. Is he still like part of the Zygai guys? Is he still like doing stuff? Yeah. The Rizzler has stay in power. Yeah, he just had an interview with Hasbola recently.

With who? Hasbola. The news organization? No, no. Hasbola. He's a little person that is a, like, is he Russian? Russian, I think. And he's insane kind of too.

Yeah, yeah. This is a social media figure. I think that some people might have thought you were saying Hezbollah, which is the organization. I might be pronouncing his name wrong. Did he try to fight the Rizler? Doesn't he like, oh, she? They fight.

They fought. Well, they have like a little boxing spur. Wow. That's the thing I know about it was like it's always trying to fight people. Isn't it funny that the Rizler, we know the Rizler because of the Costco boys, right? Yes. And nobody seems to care about the Costco guys anymore. It's all about the Rizler.

The Rizler really took off. But is the Rizzler related to the Costco boys or like, no, he's just a guy. He's just a kid that they know. He's just a guy. So my thing about Catherine, not that crazy, it's my thing about capturing Rizler, not that crazy. It's kind of what the Costco guys did do. Yeah, they captured it. They captured them and then they threw them on there.

We're the Rizzler's parents. I don't know. We don't know. One of them's, he goes by Uncle Savasta. He's his dad. The dad came up with the Rizler, right? The dad named him the Rizzer face. You know too much about it.

It is kind of wild how much you know. Yeah, I know everything. Do you know about the Costco guys, too? Or just the Rizzling? Yeah, it's the Bufumos. Their last name is Bufuma? Yeah, yeah. They're from Bocca Raton, Florida.

And you would say that those three are the most intelligent people to come out of the tri-state area of all time? They're from Bocer Riton. They're from Bocer. Well, Zizler's got to be. Oh, yeah. He's from either Staten Island or. How did they capture him?

from Boca Raton. I don't know the relation. So the Sizzler, the Rizzler rather, the Rizzler spun off from the Costco guys. And I was trying to think of like what are spinoffs that are bigger, bigger than the original. A different world. A different world, yes. Spinoff over the Cosby show, correct? Family Matters was a spinoff of perfect strangers, which is a largely forgot.

The operator? Yeah, the elevator operator. Law & Order SVU became bigger than the original Law & Order franchise. And then of course the Simpsons was a spinoff. the Tracy Oman show. That's right. So that's like, yeah.

I don't know that. Yeah. They were animated shorts on that. I think the show Empty Nest is a spinoff of something. It was a spinoff of, I think. Yes, Empty Nest is a spinoff of Golden Girls. It was at least part of that block.

So me as a little boy just watching like senior citizens every week and being so happy. I love that. I was watching the Golden Girls and watching Empty Nest. I loved Empty Nest. We watched Empty Nest and I guess I say my grandma, my grandma Donovan. had a big crush on the lead actor of Emptiness. Yeah. What was his name?

He was big. He was a big guy. Richard something. Yeah. And also, doughboy's spin-off of Joe Rogan experience. Isn't it wild? Richard Mulligan.

Yeah. It was a big dude. Isn't Joe Rogan Experience wild? Isn't it? I mean. He has the biggest podcast. And this isn't me being rude. Like, I think he'd agree.

He's not the smartest person in the room. No. In fact, I think maybe quite the opposite. Oh shit, sorry, sorry. What are you doing? I was gonna, I was gonna, I was gonna open up my 4U section because so much of it is. Joe Rogan. There is a lot of Joe, I like, I look at Joe Rogan.

I like am, I am fascinated by, uh, yes, I'm fascinated. I like, it's my, my 4U is like filled with like kill Tony and Joe Rogan stuff because I, I am watching it and being like, what the fuck is going on basically, yeah. Can I just tell you? Yeah. I go to the same Starbucks on Sundays and. The nice man at Starbucks was like, hey, when the girls inside said that you're a stand-up, how do I do that?

And I was like, oh, you have to, like, go do shows. And he was like, I can do shows anywhere. And I was like, sure. So now I think I've set him free and I haven't seen him since. Wow, that's beautiful. Liberated them. You're going to see him on Kiltony. Maybe.

Maybe. We went in person to Sizzler. And Nicole's got to go in 15 minutes. We went in person to the Sizzler and dined in. Well, you order at the counter there, and our server was so friendly, I will say. She was giving us such... Yeah, Dora was wonderful. I like Dora.

Such attentive service brought us hot bread, brought us a refill of fresh hot bread. Every time she said, she was like, that's really good hot bread. She would be saying that. And then at the end, she left mints and goes, those are some delicious mints. She was saying stuff like this. I think she said they were really beautiful, delicious mints. Yes, I think you're right. Beautiful delicious mints.

Dora was very sweet. I loved Dora. I disagreed with her takes on some of the food. because I think that some of it wasn't. So you didn't think it was fresh, delicious bread? I thought the bread was great. The bread is nice. She wasn't lying about the bread.

I dipped mine into the cheddar. Yeah, the cheddar broccoli soup. It's like a cheesy Texas toast, basically they're bringing you. It's really yummy. It's from a different era, but that's part of its charm. Look, the soup, the cheesy bread, highlights of the night. So you order at the counter, for people who haven't been to the sizzler, you order at the counter. You pick an entree, and your entree could be the salad bar, or if you pick

any of the other entrees that are something like the steak and jumbo crispy shrimp, Mitch, which I believe you got, the crispy bacon burger, or for me, the titular sizzler, then you can add a salad bar to that for an additional charge. I think you ordered it out of the counter as the titular sizzler. I think you did. I think you told the man, I'll have the titular. It's their signature dish, so I got to give it a go. And it's kind of like the sizzler, which I was not familiar with.

It feels like a new addition. It strips of steak with sauteed onions and steak fries served on a hot skill. kind of like a Lomo Seltado. You said all of this, and Nicole's like, what the fuck are you saying? Yeah, I had no idea

with a Solano Delado. What is it? Say it again? Lomo salato, approving dish. I mean, he was monologuing and he threw out

Lomo Seltado. He was saying a lot at once at the table. I think it's pretty clear the titular is a riff on a Lomo Salato. Oh, my brain.

We get it. Anyway, you can add the salad bar for an upcharge. And then the salad bar is like, you know, you got a big spread

of, of, salad grains and accoutrements and dressings. But you've also got things like there's a banana pudding that's just a part of it. There's like a, there's gelatin, there's a, there's a dessert bar, and then there's also soup, and then also there's like a fucking taco bar. There's a taco bar with nuggets. And a pasta bar.

And a pasta bar, yeah. Can I, I'll just, this is, this will explain, my, my opening appetizer was spaghetti with marinera in a meatball, a taco with sour cream, cheese, and salsa. lettuce. That you were eating on the way to the table. That was kind of eating on the way to the table. A little fried corn nibblit thing. Was that good? No, not really.

I meant to try at night. Chicken wings that looked like tenders I bit into the bone. They did look like tendies. They're very misleading. And that was my opener. And then I went back for salad and the broccoli cheddar soup, which for me, chocolate broccoli cheddar soup. What is going on with my?

Brain. Anesthesiologist. That happens to me every time I talk about broccoli cheddar soup. I switch them. Chocolate breader soup. Chocolate breader soup. Chocolate breader soup. Chocolate breader.

Chocolate breader soup. Chocolate breader soup. It was good chocolate breader soup. It was great chocolate butter soup. I really enjoyed the, I did. This is the highlight for me. The cheesy bread, chocolate butter soup, and the salad with ranch. It's easier to say.

I don't know why. Chocolate butter. I mean, it was a good chocolate breader. And I was having fun up until that point. I ordered the rib-eye for my steak. Yes. And it was an oops-all bristle steak. I should have said to you, Sizzler steaks are very hit or miss.

And the four times I've been, I've gotten steak three of those times, two of which they were good. Okay. And then once I was like, this is a tough piece of steak. Mine was all, mine was pretty much old. Yeah, yours was tough. It was a big, the thing was, it was like a pretty big steak. and so much of it was gristle. It was a big boy.

I would say there was five bites in it that were like edible. You also had it, like, you ordered it medium rare, and it comes with that little wooden stick in it that says mid-rare, which is fun. I do like that. Because there's any little Dracula's running around. Right. It seemed like there was, it seemed like it was cooked at temperature? Was it a little overcooked? Overcooked.

It was over-cooked. It was over-cooked. Well, the one, the sizzler in Atwater, when they bring you your steak, they go cut into it. do you like that? And then you get to go, no, too, pink. And then they go, that's how you ordered it. So they're just trying to make it look stupid? Wow.

They probably got it sent back a lot because someone orders medium rare and doesn't know what it means. And they also confirm it at the counter. They go, you know that's going to be pink on the inside. You go, yes. And then they make you cut it up. And then they point out and they go, that's what you ordered. That's a fun policy.

I got to say, I like that. After the soup plantation went away across the street from that, Sizzler, there are some now good, there's some good eats in that little mall there. There's a Panned Express in there, the best buy mall is. And then there's a, there's a new chick filet. There's a chick flay in there now, and there's

a... There's a Chipotle? I think there's a Chipotle in there. Here's the thing, the Mimi's closed, though. I like that Mimi's cafe. Yeah, that was sad. Not fun. Wait, next time you have me back, I want to, I have another restaurant we should do. Okay, great. It's called Merrizo Linda. All right. And their front door is just like a house door. I love it.

And it's tacos and it's really good. We'll make it happen. When you were pet an animal, do you ever get close to where the tail meets the butt? I always like to rub where the tail meets the butt. Yeah, so I always scratch on the top of the tail. That's her favorite. Why you're asking like that, you fucking freak? You're a rubbing animal?

Tail meets the butt. Hold on now. It sounded like you're... We've become a gross guy. It sounded like you were dancing around saying butt hole. Yeah. That's what it sounded like you were. I guess maybe close to the butthole then.

Fine, I'll say it. I'm not afraid to say it. The tail's pretty close to the butt hole. Check his hard drive. What did she say? Check his hard drive. I don't have any dog's butt holes. I'm like, I got no animal porn on there.

I got it for free at home. Sick fuck's got puppies on there. You couldn't do animal porn. You can't like make a dog fuck another dog, could you? Oh, you'd be surprised. I think, yeah, you can set that out. Is that not like what breeders do? Yeah.

Oh. Oh. I guess you just film that? I don't know how much is like insemination, though, too. I don't, we don't really get into it. The spokesperson for Purina, the dog, he got, like, sent away for having videos of puppies on his computer. It's a, it's like he's the, he's like the Jared of the dog, dog world, yeah. My God.

We were talking about something before you said that. The sizzler? Yeah, the sizzler. Oh, we were talking about the sizzler? Oh, I was rubbing. Oh, you're grizzle steak. Oh, before that, your grizzle steak. Oh, well, I thought we were going to get back to the butthole stuff. And I said I got it.

I was going to say I get it for free at home because Wally and Irma, they sometimes go at it. It's brother and sisters, but sometimes. What's wrong with you? Incestual. Why is that really trying to move past this? You were like, no, my God. I don't like to look at them do stuff. I love Wally and Irma.

So I love them very much. They've saved my life. I love those cats. Wow, how about that? They really did. Stavros asked the other day. would I suck Wally's dick to keep him alive as long as I live?

And I think my answer is, yeah. I mean, like, I would, I would, if he would live till I'm 70 and Wally and Irma would live with me that long, I think I would do something that. The ethical calculus you're doing there is like I could extend someone's, I could effectively quadruple a being's lifespan

by performing one act of oral sex. I feel like that's just the ethical movie. Or is it like every couple years? Yeah, would you have to do it constantly? I mean, my answer is yes, no matter what. And to be clear, I don't want to do that. Right. I don't like that.

There's nothing about that that I like. You're going to do it just in case. I mean, that's what you have to do. It's what you have to do. Look, have you met Wally and Irma? Yes. Oh, sorry. We've been friends for a really long time.

Nicole was like the last in-person record we did before COVID. It's true. Sorry. We did the nugget power out together. I've been for so long. I know. I know. Sounds like you're not a good friend.

You were on my first improv team. Like, you're one of the first people I met here. Are you okay, crying? It's been a hard year. It has been a hard year. It's been a hard year. I will say the sizzler was, the sizzler was more, was they sold the sizzle, not the steak. You know what I mean?

It was like, it's like, it was fun for it to come in that hot skillet. It was fun for it to be like, like, like, like kind of chili sort of fajitas presentation. The problem is that your meat is getting over. cooked because it's just sitting in that, that, you know, that high temperature dish. And then the steak fries got very mushy. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It did look like they were getting a little mushy.

Yeah. But it did look fun to eat. It was fun. It was a fun presentation. How was your crispy bacon burger? Honestly, really fucking good. Wow. I should have gotten a fucking burger.

It was really nice. The bun was buttered before it was toasted. Love that. I thought that was a lovely touch. That's a nice touch. It was a well done burger, but like, it was pretty solid. Which is with a burger, not as big of a deal. I nearly liked it.

You did a move that Natalie has done, which is you got mashed potatoes as your side for your burger. Which looks insane, by the way. Oh, they looked disgusting, but they were very good. The garlic butter, I think, brought some life into them. Very, very, very nice. We should say specifically, like, it kind of looked like a log. Yeah, it was a weird. It looked like a white yulog.

Yeah, and I don't know how they quite got it shaped like that. It was very odd plating for mashed potatoes. Yeah, I didn't love that. But they ended up being good. and then I had salad with some ranch I had those little they looked like nuggets but they had bones in them and I love that you warned me before I bit into it

you're like those aren't what you think they are and I was like bitch I fucking know the sizzler and then I made little nachos and then yeah soup and bread wow you you did it right I felt like you had the best experience and the ice cream at the end which was a blast the ice cream was really good so here's the thing

they got the soft serve I I just, you know, you can get the swirl, you get the chocolate, you can just get the vanilla. I get the vanilla, because vanilla is a flavor. And I love it. They had these seasonal peppermint. Is that something you've had to defend? Yeah, vanilla is a flavor. It's not plain.

It's an exotic bean. Anyway, so I agree with you. I'm glad. You're on board. And it's something that I've had to defend my, because I, my favorite flavor of ice cream is vanilla. Vanilla's good. And people are like, vanilla. And I'm like, yeah, it's delicious.

I got mocked by some teen girls at the salt and straw for ordering vanilla. They were behind the counter. I tasted a few things. I'll just go with the vanilla. Like, oh, he's getting vanilla. These girls fucking rule. I know. They should be the new Rizzlers.

These people fucking rule. Wiger, I would have been like, what was that? Give me my ice cream for free. No, I'm used to being humiliated by teenage girls. I would never, ever stand for that. I'd be like, you fucking cunt. I'd be so mad. I can't wait to watch the Netflix, the Salt and Straw girls when they all five of them have gone missing in their love.

This is salt Strangor? Sick fuck turn him into ice cream. My steak, I also got onions on it. And it looked a little like a blue-haired special. Yes, you can add to the top of it. You can add like toppings and you chose for sauteed onions. This is not me being a right-wing person.

Blue-haired means like older person. Oh. Did you not know that? No. This used to be, yeah, I think there was a time when. Because I think right-wing people are like, blue hairs are like a liberal people or whatever. That's like a very significantifier, but there was like, you know, like 20, 30 years ago, I feel like it was a thing. People get so like hair dye.

Hair dye, turn the hair blue. Yeah. Like older women would use. It looks very much. The onions on top of it made it look like liver and onions or something. It was like, it made it look like an old person. It looked like a, like a nursing home meal or something like. And you got shrimp, had a little too much bread.

There was way too much brating in this. But look, we're almost out of time with Nicole. I want to finish my dessert thing. I get a peppermint brownie. You don't have to speed through it. It's okay. No, that's fine. We'll just talk about.

I got a pepper and no, that's fine. I got a brownie. Why I got a brownie was really a good kid. I get vanilla soft serve, vanilla flavor, and I got, I put some Oreo crumbles on top of that, and I put a little caramel, as Peter North's some caramel on top of that. It was, it was real yummy. And I was like, this is quite a dessert. And that pepper mint brownie, which I was skeptical about, worked really well with that soft serve.

It looked very nice. I just did soft serve with rainbow. sprinkles and then I put chocolate sauce on the side and I ate one half without the chocolate sauce and then I stirred the chocolate sauce up for the rest. So fun. I just did a tiny droplets of the I did a Peter South. I just did a little droplet

of chocolate South. A little Peter North to, I Peter South did. Peter North is a porn actor who has big loads. That's what he was referring to when he put the caramel on his ice cream. Peter South is a fictional guy who has little tiny loads that I just put a little bit on mine. Oh, that's what

Peter South is. I didn't realize he was Small loads. He's a small load guy. I thought we'd established that Peter South was like a seasonal variant. Oh, he's like a Santa version. I don't know. I just didn't know what he was. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, no. Peter South has a little tiny load. So I just wouldn't. And you want to be tiny loads. No, I don't want tiny. I, I've been taking stuff to not have that, but I, I, I, you can get medication, increase your load size? Yeah, max load X L, you guys don't know, you've never heard of it.

Max load. A station pill with like a rhinoceros on it. He's the one who, you're turning this on me. You're the one who used Peter North all the time. You don't have to bring up Peter North every time we talk about toppings you put on. That's fair. That's fair. I just didn't know who Peter Southwood. And so I put just a little, I put a little bit of chocolate sauce on mine.

And that's all I, and some chocolate chips. And I had a great time with the soft serve. It was maybe my highlight of the meal, which is not saying anything to the sides. We were saying this. That was a Santa hair. That's not even a lie. That was a hair from being Santa. No, and I was looking at it, and I was like, is that his hair or is that wig hair?

It was a Santa hair. Just give people a little bit. You played Santa on a bit. I played Santa today, which I play every Christmas. And Wags was with me, after you were driving to Sizzler, I opened my trunk, and there were two Santa costumes in my trunk that I threw the third Santa costume in there. I play Santa a lot. Why are you wearing different costumes for different things? Why not the same one?

I have, there's different levels of nice Santa costumes I have. Which one did I get? You got a good one. Oh, okay. It was a nice one. You got a very good one. There you go. Who gets a shitty one?

This show, I don't know. Like, I feel like a, you know, like a, I got to do a bit in the show or something. I'll toss on the, and I complained on your show about how Santas are, or they're too hunky now. And I don't, we don't like that. We don't like that. Yeah, they get, they, they decided to go with the hot, like the, you know, the buff Santa, like the J.K. Simmons Santa, you know, or like the Schwarzenegger's Santa. Santa. It's just like, oh, what are we doing here? I don't like that. But I do like J.K. Simmons.

I do like him. He's a great actor. He's also kind of hot. Yeah, sure. He's fucking jacked. Is he? Yeah, he's an incredible shape. He was in Tomorrow War. And I introduced him my mom and sister and I had never met him. We all took a photo together. It was very nice.

He's also in Red One, which made Amelia cry. Yeah, I loved Red One. Oh. Made me shed a tear at the end. Here's my question to you. Well, I get that. I cried during Venom. Sure. Like boo hoo-hoo-hooed. Yeah.

It's just about friendship. I went to, I went to Venom on my birthday. You did? Yeah, yeah, and I had quite the time. It's great. Here's a question. When will Eli Lilly put out Santa taking like Zep bound commercials? Do you think that will happen at some point soon?

It could happen this year. I don't think it'll happen this year. I think it'll happen next year. As things become more normal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't know why I think it's next year. I think you're right. I think it will be.

I think we're not ready for it yet. In the heyday of like Viagra advertisement, was there ever like a Santa getting a boner pill? I don't think they did that. I don't think they ever got like Santa trying to get horny for Mrs. Claus. Yeah, they should have. Yeah, they absolutely should have. I guess now, I guess nowadays there'd be a little bit less of a taboo. Like you'd more likely to see Santa in like a charm in commercial about like, you know,

having like toilet paper stuck to his asshole or something like that. Like they've just got ads have just gotten a little raunchier. Yeah. Maybe Santa fucks Mrs. Claus. You're saying without help? Yeah. Hmm, I don't think so. You think he needs ED meds

Santa doesn't need ED meds And I do Well he's like a magical being though What's her first name? Is there a canonical first name for Mrs. Claus? Christopher Kringle is Yes You just a guest Ellen?

A guest Ellen Helen? Helen's a pretty good guest That's my grandma's name Helen Dunneman Oh Look we got to get into this too As they look this up We got to talk about Mohawk guy

So there's a Mohawk guy there I can eat shit. I'm going to just say that right off the bat. He was so mean for no reason. We were discussing something and I said, check out that guy's mohawk. Because he came in and he had a cool moh. I was like, it's a cool mohawk. But I wasn't trying to like talk.

But we were talking about a controversial topic. And I thought what you were saying was like this is where that person is going to be upset about controversy. So I like, I hushed my voice a little bit. You were just saying unrelated in the midst of my thought that this guy had a big mohawk. He had a big mohawk. And then when we were leaving, I was like, oh, I really like your mohawk. and he just turned and looked at me and went, thanks. A true asshole response.

I couldn't believe it. He was so mean, a grumpy punk. Fucking, he was from a bygone era. It sucked. I hated it. He just said, thank you. That's all you needed to say. Yeah, you said, like, you gave a nice compliment.

If someone said, I said, I would say, thank you. That's really nice. And if he said, thank you, I would have been like, and my socks are purple like your mom. That would have been fun. And we would have had a great time, but he was so mean to me. He was so mean and angry. I was angry. I didn't understand it. It was bizarre. I hated it. What my head canon is, I like to think that guy was, like, driving home was like, I was too mean about that.

I hope so. I will say this about Sizzler. The vibes at that Sizzler, besides our server, were not the vibes I like at a sizzler. It seemed haunted. We went to the, we went to the, so we should say we went to the Koreatown sizzler, which is like, Anthony Bourdain's visit there, Ross from Chateau Lane. That's right. But the one in Atwater, I think, has, like, a friendlier vibe. It seems like everyone's there for community and friendship. This one, this one, this, it seems like it's on tough times. It seemed like everybody wanted to fight.

I mean, someone shot all over the floor. Yeah, that was disgusting. I will say. Maybe it was mohawk man. Maybe he was upset. It could have been a stomach was fucked up. Maybe he was embarrassed. And maybe he can't sit down on the toilet because of the Mohawk or something.

It might hit the wall. That would, that's probably it, Mitch. This is all lighting up. There's a lot of circumstantial evidence here. He can't sit down because the Mohawk would hit the wall. Well, hit the wall, cut through the wall and, you know, it caused damage. And so he has to kind of hover and shit on the floor. Right.

That's what happened. He was pissed off when he was back at his seat. Yeah. And there was a convertible in the parking lot, which I assume Mohawk Man drives. Was there? There was. Because I don't know how else. It was a very tall Mohawk.

With the top down. Yeah, he'd need to. Oh, I need to clock it. You didn't clock it? Yeah, it was there. I'm making it up for the lure of Mohawk, man. One thing I will say You just can't say that to someone who likes cars

You're a car person? I love cars Really? Are we not friends? We are friends We were pointing out how much we liked your car Which we won't say what it is It's a Jeep Wrangler

It's a Jeep Wrangler And we were talking about how we liked your car We did a car. Thank you. I love it. It's fun. I drove a Jeep all around to Hawaii with my mom and sister

when we went there just recently That's nice. I feel like You have an Ultima I do. Which, oh, is that okay for me to say? 100%. I've had two cars my whole life.

Really? What was your first one? In Ultima. You've been that Nissan Ultima for a long time, the one you have now. You've gotten a lot of use out of them. My dad? A car for nurses, right? Ultima?

Yeah. And they whip them around. They drive real fast. They beat them up because they have to take care of people all day. That's, I kind of like that about the car. I'll tell you this. What do you have? I've got a Hyundai Ionic.

Oh. I don't really care for it. I've had my, my, Ultima for over 10 years. We did the what's going to. going on pilot the talk show that I was in the next day my dad said I have terminal cancer let's go look at cars we went up and looked at cars I got that he paid for half of the car it was a very generous thing he did and then I had that car I paid it off and now I don't have to pay off the car I've had it now for 12 years but my mom and sister are like you need a new car your car

looks like shit it's time to get a new car it's 12 years old it still runs it still runs it's fine it's a Nissan I'll run forever I mean that's the other thing that's kind of where my miles are on it? It just hit 80,000 miles, so not even that many miles. Yeah, it'll run to like 200,000. Yeah, I've had two cars my whole life. That's it. I say keep it.

Don't get a new car. No? The AC works. That's all that matters to me, really. Yeah. So my mom and sister want me to get it. They want me to get a new, they think it's time for a new car. No.

Keep it. Run into the ground. Should I get an electric car? Why? I say get a new car. Why? Mix it up. Why not?

You can live a little. You can do it. Make your mom and sister happy. Is it good to have the same car? Is that helpful for the environment in someone? I don't know. I think certainly, like, I would like, look, one person is a drop in the ocean, but also, I think, yes, that also people would say that, that, that versus the manufacturing cost, even of electric, of an electric vehicle,

there's still, like, a lot of damage to the environment that's done that process. So, yes, keeping the same car is probably more environmentally friendly. It's not a big polluter. They're also discontinued the ultimate this year. Really? Wow. That is wild. Yeah.

You should wait until a friend of yours has a. kid that turns like 16 and then give it to them that's yeah that's nice i'll keep them safe that's gonna be like 12 years uh also it's a pain in the ass i'd have to transfer all my santa suits from one trunk to the other i don't want to do that i get that we gotta get you the hell out of here yeah let's get to our final thoughts on sizzler so nico you know the podcast before we're each going to go around and give a closing argument if you ask you a question are you going to meet up with Mohawk, man? Yeah.

He's my boyfriend. And I told him, my kink is for you to disrespect me in front of my friends when I'm very full. And he's like, I got you, babe. I'm going to suck the hair gel off his hair. He did look like stripe from Gremlins come to, if he transformed into a human. He very much looked like strikes. I could see that. Sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hated this guy. A classic one of those real high spiked mohawks from the 80s. Yeah, that's died. Died. It was purple. Purple, yeah. Which is my favorite color, but I didn't get that out because he was so nasty.

He was fucking nasty. And you know what? We were saying this earlier. This place was famous. A lot of Koreans in the area is Korea town would go to this restaurant and like brought on this new life to the sizzler down there. And also, we were talking about how. the sizzler for, you know, working class community, you can get a salad bar for 10 bucks

and eat so much food. So much food. So much food. So many different kinds of food. And I want to like it, but there's something wrong with the heart of that. Something's not right down there. That specific one. Or it was a bad visit. I don't know what happens.

Nobody was there for friendship. Yeah, it was a very, there was bad vibes in there. You can always evaluate this based on not just this visit, but a lifetime of experience. and this is a place that you frequented more recently and you went to as a youth. So your thoughts on Sizzler, your fork score. How many forks can I give it? Out of five.

Five. Five forks. Wow. I love Sizzler. There's no rules at the Sizzler. You could start at ice cream if you want. You could put ice cream with bacon if you want. You could do anything you want.

I mean, Wigrub did that with his brownie Sunday. He did the berry. You had such a nice time. Oh, that was a hoot. And then I like the food. Unfortunately, the steak is hit or miss, but, like, it's a sizzler. Like, if you want a nice steak, go to a steakhouse. Also, one of the times I was there, there was a bunch of firefighters.

So not only is the food good, there was eye candy. There you go. I think everyone there is really, all the servers are always super nice. They're going to call those firefighters back to hose down that fucking bathroom. The doughboys were here We didn't do it It wasn't us this time Sure

Wait, did you shit on the floor? No, I know, no What? What? What? We're here? No, I was, I was pissing When I was peeing

When I was in there, I was pissing I did not, I was not responsible You heard the guy shitting in the stall Watching, he was watching A Spanish language program. story. Yeah. A Spanish language program.

I also blamed it on a Spanish-speaking man. Honestly, in this America, yeah. I mean. With what's going on right now, absolutely. I did not. There was a man, and I don't even know, whatever he was watching, that's what I heard. And he was, and there was diarrhea fart noises coming out of his ass. And I did not, I did not do that.

I took a quick piss. We open up Mitch's YouTube app The last thing to play is Telemundo. I will say, maybe, no, still five, even though the vibes were off, you never shit on the floor. That's wild.

Yeah. I have shit on the floor is a, it's a tough thing to get over. All right, maybe four and a half? Still a very good score and still keeps in the Golden Play Club. Mitch, your thought, and also that was just my experience. You don't have to let it govern your own forks. Okay, five.

Well, so Nicole Stokes with five forks. Nicole, I love you. This trip to the sizzler, was not as good. It was a tough visit for me. For me, I don't think it's getting... I'm not going above four forks here. I understand. And I had a

great time. We were with great friends. And I actually thought all the accoutrements, I guess, were all, no, all the sides. Does that, is accoutrements count there wise? I think it counts. Yeah, I think so. I think that counts. Why did you ask him and not me? I know words. I was looking at you, well, he's like, he likes dictionary stuff. I don't know. I like a dictionary.

All right, does it count? Yeah. All right, so all the accoutrements were fun. the cheesy bread the fact that you can make a taco the salad bar which I was like ranch and cheese just on my steak was just so such a letdown

it was really hard and they were beautiful delicious mince she Dora was and Dora herself I loved Dora honestly I was thinking 2.5 forks but Dora pushes it up to three forks for me Dora was fantastic You're going only three forks you're excising this from the Golden Plate Club

your previous score was four half. There was shit on the floor. That's my experience, not yours. I was, I was there when it was happening. It sounds like you shit on the floor. I didn't do it. I told you was some Spanish guy.

It wasn't me. Mitch in there with a sombrero and a fake mustache. I did not shit on the floor. My steak was inedible. You saw how bad it was. It was not a good look.

and steak. It is wild. Your steak looked wild. But the steak looked insane. It looked, it looked, it looked fucked up. I never sent things back and I would have sent that back. It was worth it to send it back. This is crazy.

And honestly, I'll say this. The bites of steak that I had, not the actual five edible pieces, not bad, but it was a very altogether. Maybe they knew you were on Zepbound. That could be it that they gave me the Grissel Thick because they knew I was on Zep Bond. They're like, he's only going to eat five little bites. You already shit all over the four from his Zepbound. I did not sit on the floor

It's going to three I think Cisler was a blast If we went back to the Atwater one Why? She demanded we went to a new one We went to this We went to the Koreatown Even though it was a pain in the ass to get there I thought I brought up the two options

And we came to a consensus We did we did as a group Your consensus was wrong My consensus You're saying like I put my foot down We would have had a better time at Atwater We would have had a better time at Atwater I agree with you

But we went to I will say I did want to try that one. Yeah, it was fun. I enjoyed our time. Yeah. Even though someone's shit on the floor, it really blew me away that someone shit on the floor.

It's crazy. Also, everyone in there, they looked at us like we were responsible for the Salt and Straw mystery. It's not us. You know what I mean? They all looked at us like we were...

Wait, did you tell anyone that someone shit on the floor? No. That's funny. Who am I going to tell? What are we going to go in? Like, then they're just going to think it's me. They will just think it's you.

Someone clogged the toilet. Oh, okay. Someone. I would have backed you. I would have been there and been like, I think it was a man watching telemundo. And then they would have most definitely thought it was one of the two of you. That's so funny.

There was a vibe that everyone, there was a, it felt like we had done something wrong walking in there. Yes. Nobody was friendly and I got there before you and the guy was like, all right. So, and I was like, oh, no, I'm waiting on somebody who went so I can finish what I'm doing. And I was like, yeah. Oh, boy.

That's right. Poor Dora. I hope that Dora doesn't have to do that all the time. Maybe that's why she's so nice because... She's making up for everything else. We got to get Nicola. You said, well, your fork score is three. Three forks.

Okay. Sorry. Why? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You don't apologize. It's fine. It's okay that you don't love the restaurant I love.

I do, I did love it the last time we went. I had a great time with the Sizzler. I do really like that... I do really like that... I do really like that it's like a concept from a different era. I like that the salad bar. persists in this form in the non-gentrified sweet green sort of form but but it like or the whole foods like fancy pants errone sort of form we know where it's where everything's upscale like i i like

that it's just like uh you know you got black olives and like fucking cottage cheese for some reason at the salad bar i like that and i thought the that my entree was fine it got the job done i thought it's a great value play there hot bar was fun the dessert bar was a was a riot i love love the dessert bar. Service was great. Hot bread was great. I got a cup of coffee. Like Dora offered for no additional charge, do you want some coffee? You grab me a cup of decaf? It was so great after my dessert. And I also have this beautiful mint. And my floor is going to be four forks, but the extra half fork is going to be determined on the beauty level of this particular mint. Which kind of looks like a marshmallow. It doesn't look a marshmallow.

You whispered something to me. Nothing, nothing. I'll stick with four forks. The mint's fine. You know what? Oh, it did. Yeah, no, it didn't. It didn't persuade. Four for us. You know what I'm going to say?

Yeah. I'm changing my score. Four forks. Merry Christmas to all. Well, Merry Christmas to all. Sizzler stays in the Golden Plate Club. Yes, my steak was inedible and there was shit all over the floor. But here's the thing.

Where else can you get that? That's true. I do really like that. I guess it's hard to find a bad steak in a restaurant that also has shit on the floor. But this is like legitimately, like, I think you were saying earlier, Mitch. I think you were getting to this of like, I will say that mint is minty. There's been as mini as fuck. If like as far as a in the greater L.A. area or just like in the L.A. city proper, I should more say.

How many sit down concepts are within the budget of a working class family these days? And you do see like a lot of working class people, people from all walks of life, a lot of seniors there, a lot of young families there. And I do kind of like that about Sizzler. It's a different demographic. You can get a gristle steak for $15, which is pretty decent price. Or it sounds like a pretty decent burger there. I had a very good burger. Or, hey, the salad bar is $8.50, not bad.

I think it's $16 salad bar alone, $8.50 added on to your entree. Oh, that's not as fun. I'm sorry. But also $16.50, you can eat. You can go back as many times as you want. You can stay there for a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, there you go.

Yeah. All right. Nicole Byer, thank you so much for returning to the show. What an absolute riot. Wiger. So fun. Nish, thanks for having me. Of course.

I'll see you in 2026. Uh, anything you, anyways. I'll see you next year. I'm gonna see you in 20206. I meant that. I thought you wanted to like restoke this friendship. That's what I'm talking about. I'm gonna be back.

I'm gonna be in a city for like six more days. Won't you be back in L.A. in 2025? You're not coming back this year? I'm coming back for a very short period of time this year. How long? Like eight days, maybe? And in those eight days we can't hang out? We certainly could.

I gotta do a bunch of doughboys. Shit. We've to record two days. So now you're lying to me? You're here for eight days and working for two of them? I'm not working for just two days. There's a lot going on in those two days. Eight days. You want me to pull up my calendar?

Yeah. Okay, here we go. Show me your calendar. Do you want to see my calendar? I said, show me your calendar. Okay, here we go. Flying New Orleans. I said, show me. Okay.

Mitch is clocking his phone over towards Nicole What is it wait what is your calendar app It's insane So it's like a list of things what is this it's so it's the Apple calendar app And he doesn't have it as a calendar It's just a list just a list This is the Monday that I get back This is the Tuesday zip there means the anniversary

My cat zip dying that was her death day Oh God Yeah yeah rest and peace zip And then this is the other Joe boys episodes So Dr. Zinman Long COVID Dr. Chang doctor's appointment and then we have

the dough boys year end dinner and that dough boys year and dinner is on this day. I also have a meeting with my new manager on this day on the Thursday that I haven't put it into the calendar yet. And you have acupuncture. Acupuncture and the doughboys dinner that same day. And then you got Hanukkah. And then there's Hanukkah. Friday

December 12th I have we wish you a silly spoof miss which is stressing me out because I have to write a bit. I'm right. I'll see you next year. Was I lying? I wasn't lying. I don't know. You could have fit me in there. Yeah, I felt you in pocket. I will fit you in there. I will.

Nicole, anything you want to plug? Yeah, fitting in Mitch. Fit right inside of the other hype podcasts. There's why won't you date me? There's best friends. Newcomers is on hiatus and then 90-day Bay is on Patreon. There's one other podcasts. Why won't you marry me?

That's the one I did today. It, yes, that episode Oh, has it come out already? No, it's not out yet. No, it's not out yet. It will be coming out. Am I spoiling it? You're not spoiling anything.

I just didn't rename the podcast for your episode. I would like to fit you in. It's just a, you're on an upcoming episode of why won't you do me? Yes, yes. People should check that out. I would like to fit you in before the new year. That's what I would like.

Mitch, the initiative could fall to you here. You could set this up, you can schedule this. You could get this, you could add that to your calendar. That's fair. I would also like to see it before the end of the year. Thank you. You're welcome. We are friends.

Yeah. We're all friends. Was I closer to Nicole before? I guess I knew you. Feel crazy. I mean, me too. We've been podcasting all day. What are you trying to figure out?

I was trying to figure out like it was like closer to Nicole before you, but I did know you pretty well by the time Nicole moved here. I moved here in 2000, October 2012. Yeah, so I knew I knew Wager pretty well at that point. How did you get close? Uh, we didn't really. We'll be back with more dough boys. The countdown is on.

Holiday shopping season is officially here. Uncommon Goods takes the stress out of gifting with thousands of unique, high-quality finds you won't see anywhere else. Uncommon Goods looks for high-quality, unique products, often handmade or made in the U.S. many are created by independent artists and small businesses, making each gift feel special and truly one of a kind. Wags, you know what we got? We got a nice tote bag with a strap that you can hold a yoga mat in.

That's right. And also got myself an elephant watering can. That's a lot of fun. Uncommon Goods has something special for everyone. Whether you're shopping for moms and dads, kids, teens, book lovers, history enthusiasts, passionate football fans, or foodies, mixologists, and gardening lovers, you'll discover thousands of unique gift ideas that are hard to find,

anywhere else. When you shop with Uncommon Goods, you're not just getting great gifts. You're also supporting talented artists in small independent businesses. Plus, with each purchase, they donate $1 to a non-profit organization of your choice, having contributed over $3.1 million so far, Wags.

So don't wait. To get 15% off your next gift, go to Uncomondoods.com slash Doe Boys. That's Uncomondgoods.com slash Doe Boys for 15% off Uncommon Goods. We're all out of the ordinary. Thank you to ORA frames. for sponsoring this show.

That is correct. The hidden gem, which has become the favorite gift long after that wrapping paper is gone, everybody. That's right. It's pretty much the season for gift giving. So why not give the number one rated gift? We're talking about the aura frame.

It has unlimited free photos and videos. Indeed. You can just upload photos of your loved ones and then give somebody the frame and they just see those photos and videos on a rotating basis. That's right, because you can preload that frame with photos before it even ships.

How is that for friggin' personal? It's really, really good. You can share photos and videos effortlessly. It's perfect for, you know, new grandparents or you want to give something to your loved ones this holiday season. And yes, there's a gift box included. Every frame comes packaged in a premium gift box

with no price tag. Now, see, that's good, Because if you're like, I forgot about the holidays, I need to ship something fast, but it's going to look impersonal. It's going to arrive in a big brown box. No, it's going to arrive in a beautiful gift box with no price tag. So don't wait. Win the holidays now with Aura Frames for a limited time. You can save on the perfect gift by visitingoraframes.com to get $35 off.

ORA's best-selling Carver Matt Frames named number one by wirecutter. Wow, just use the promo code headgum at checkout. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com with the promo code headgum. The deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast, so order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show you're listening to right now by mentioning us at checkout terms and conditions obviously apply. Thank you, Aura Frames.

Thank you, listener. All right, we're back. Nicole had to go. Amelia is over here. The biggest downgrade in Doughboy's history. Oh, how dare you. We called you up to the big couch. They called me up to the big leagues.

I mean, it's not a couch. It's a chair. We called her to the big. You're saying you're not talking to tonight's show terms. This is like what Carson would call you over to the couch. Lennon would call you over the couch after a good stand-up set. We called Amelia over to the couch. Ballin will call.

you over the set to the to the couch after you do a good job in the fucking uh tick tic-tac to you one flip cup yeah uh Emma you would of course would have been called up to the couch multiple times but you are the pilot of this shit I am the pilot I don't need to be on the big couch I like my little couch back here yes that's yeah we someday we'll get called up to the big couch over there now we'll see a man can dream how are you are you ready for the holidays I'm ready for the holidays I actually have two stories that I thought of during this. I didn't want to interrupt the flow of the episode. Let's all right, let's hear it.

Okay, when you were talking with Nicole earlier about brushing your teeth with a bidet. I have a video of Scorpion doing just that. Oh my God. I believe I think you told us this before. I got him a bidet for Father's Day and later that day I get a video back and he's

like, thanks for the bidet Amelia and then he turns it on and it just he starts brushing his teeth with the bidet water. Wow. The only time you could do that, I feel like right after you bought one. Like, you haven't used it yet. It's, like, fresh and new. Yeah.

I mean, I wonder if he did. The water is coming from, the water is, I guess, coming from the tank still, which I guess is technically clean water. Yeah, you can drink that water. It's not, it's not ideal, but in an emergency situation. That's a good bit. When I question why, like, how is Amelia someone saying? The answer is, seems to be scorpion.

It might be scorpion. I don't know. Scorpion your father, we should tell from me. For everyone who's not familiar. And the second story that I had was, you know how I'm a fish freak? Yeah. And you're talking about... F-fish, not pH-fish.

Yes, yes, yes. You always roll the dice on fish. I always roll the dice on fish. I recently had an oyster experience that... Okay. Made me like oysters a little bit less. What happened? No.

Yeah. So I got oysters. Uh-huh. And immediately after putting it in my mouth, this was like two weeks ago by the way I was like oh no something's wrong the texture was really mucusy

it like it wasn't the same texture like consistency of a normal oyster it just completely like melted in my mouth like butter and I was like something's really wrong I spit it out looked it up later

I think I know what it was around this time of year oysters breed I think Are you getting sick, Mitch? It's funny that we've talked about shit being shat onto a floor, sprayed all over a bathroom, and then this is the thing that is grosser to me for some reason.

Sorry, continue, please. So it was oyster calm. Wow. That's disgusting. It was oyster jet. It blasts in my mouth. Which website did you read this from? Yeah, what did you read this from?

I don't know. How do you? Pumity. We were talking about puberty before the podcast start up. I follow puberty on Instagram for some reason. How do, like, like, but I've heard this about oysters, and I thankfully have not had the experience yet of, like, you'll love oysters until you have a bad one.

It sounds like you had a bad one. I had a bad one. But was this like, did you confirm this from multiple sources? Was this just one, a bit of speculation your part? It was a couple websites. I didn't really, like, investigate further. But it's like specifically come. I think so.

I'm Googling this. It didn't come. It honestly, I was, I was, it was refreshing to hear that answer. Yes, male oysters release sperm, but since oysters are hermaphroditic, hermaphroditic, hermaphroditic, sorry, and can change sex. What a specific oyster releases depends on its age and reproduction cycle. Got it. During a spawning, a male oyster releases sperm into the water and a female releases eggs,

which then meet and fertilize externally. You maybe also just got, like, a rotten oyster. Yeah, it could be. Maybe. It is one of that you had a ross and oyster and then immediately went to oyster jizz. Well, I would rather it be jizz than rot. Yeah. I mean, I ate rotten oysters once.

And then the first one, I was like, that didn't taste right. But we were, like, at a bar and I was like, maybe it's just like the drink I was drinking or whatever. And then I got the worst food poisoning of my life from just two bad oysters. I'll do it to you. I was like both ends in the bathroom for like 24 straight hours. Oh, my God. I was not okay. I'm glad I didn't swallow.

It's good you spit it out. Jesus. I just want to make sure it's not our fault you're like this, right? It hasn't, it's not for working on the show. I think this predates your involvement with the doughboys. We might be making it worse, though. It's possibility. Certainly encouraging it.

I got, what's the really bad? I got E. coli. I got, when I was, went camping with Gabris and Ross Kimball. You got E. coli. And I, and I was, I went into the river. Yeah, yeah. And then I, and that was like some of the, I like, E. coli, not Giorgia?

Oh, I don't know. I think, I think it was E. coli. Geria makes you shit like crazy. That, I mean, so maybe it was, but I thought that it was, who knows? Either way. The doctor, I thought the doctor. That's like shit particles.

Yes. Did you open your mouth underwater? I, like, fell into the river and Gaborson, Ross, afraid that I was going to get swept away and then, like, water was going into my mouth. And I think that that's, it's possible you swallowed some oyster comb. Yeah, oysters do swim up. stream and then come out and it goes down the stream. I think everyone knows this. But it was like you couldn't even walk without like having like I was like dying. It felt like I was dying. It was

really bad. Were you sick after this or no? No, because I spit it out. Okay. Yeah. And wash my mouth very thoroughly. Did you go back and eat more oysters? I had one more oyster and I was like, that oyster was normal, but the the oyster experience was ruined. So I was like, I'm going to take it easy. bite of your steak you don't want to finish you don't want to finish it there's a certain time of year you're not supposed to have oysters right it's not but is it right now I thought it was like the summer my dad always said months that end in why months that's what I thought it was yeah like in the hot summer months that's technically not when you're supposed to eat oysters okay or not when you're supposed to harvest them I'm not totally sure no November that's an R you should be okay

yeah yeah did you September October November December in the restaurant was there like was there like a poster of like a oyster in a bikini? that, like, maybe made the oyster. I'm just trying to think of why the oyster busted. That's probably what it does. It probably was a hot female oyster in a bikini. Yeah, like a poster of that in the restaurant. That's probably what happened.

It did look really supple. Like, I remember looking at the oyster and thinking, I want that one. That one looks the juiciest of the bunch. But it was a red herring. One looks particularly virile. You know what? The show's gotten too gross.

It's my fault. We're gross. We're I'm ashamed of what we've I'm ashamed of what I've done to this show. You can listen to Do Boys in 2026 with your kids that's how clean it'll be.

There you go. I love this idea. In two years, it wasn't it two years ago that we were just resolved not to say come on the podcast? And we said we're going to say crim and we did.

I think we stood by it a little bit. I don't think we said come once that year. Yeah, but we've said come a number of times even on this very episode. I know. Including right now. Hey, it's time for a segment.

I got a food stuff. We're going to decide it's worth wording in your mouth. It's snack or whack. Cream or Scream Edition. We've got these festive holiday ice creams, Amelia, that you procured for us. Cream or scream makes it sound a little too Halloweeny. Is there something else we can do to make it? How about cream or cream?

Okay. So is this like an ice cream or is this like oyster cum? That's fair. I think that's good. Okay, great. So this first one, Amelia, as you're scooping it out, it's a Van Luen peppermint stick, Van Lewin and Artisan Creamery that we have not yet reviewed properly on the podcast, but we've enjoyed some of Van Lewin's wares.

Emma, you want in on this? Oh, sure. Amelia gave me a bowl. And so this is a peppermint sort of deal? Yes, this is a limited edition Van Lewin peppermint stick. Let me say we can need any additional context from this. Yeah, I mean, it looks like this is just, there's not a more elaborate description here. used to love

peppermin stick as a kid me too and my grandma used to get it also around the holidays peppermin stick with some hot budge for dessert and I saw the park here's what I have to say

this is pretty tasty no pieces of peppermint stick that's Emma the Brigham's I want the crunch the Brigham's peppermin stick way more chunks of peppermint in there is that not a normal thing

the surprising absence of crunch in here. My first bite had crunch in it. There is crunch. It's just a much more limited quantity. Oh, I just got one. You're right. I want more crunch.

100%. This is not enough crunch. Yeah. Hot fudge on peppermint stick ice cream. Great combo, by the way. I mean, Amelia, I know you're a mint chip fan. I like mint chip too.

I'd rather have a mint chip than this. Same. I feel like I need the contrast. I like mint chocolate flavor. I like mint chocolate chip more than I like. I like mint chocolate chip more than I like. peppermint ice cream at this point in my life. I think sometimes when you order peppermint stick from places,

it can be like so sicky, sweet, syrupy, fake artificial flavor. So a lot of times it's bad, whereas mint chips's like pretty much always good. This is great, though. I would say that this, I'd say that this is, this is good. It's a good execution of a flavor that's not my favorite. I guess I'd give it a mild cream, maybe a borderline crim. It's a cream for you. I think this is a crim.

It's, to me, it's basically mint chocolate chip without the chips. Chips. See, this is why the fudge on top of it is always good. Exactly. I want more of peppermint stick in there for sure. And that. And I think that the chocolate would balance it out a bit better. But if you got this on an oyster, you're spitting it right back into the shell?

Pretty much. Got it. What, we can bleat the place. Where did you get these oysters? Oh, wow. You know what? Not surprised. I wouldn't trust the oysters in that place.

Yeah, I've heard bad experiences from people getting oysters there, Really? Yeah, I've heard, like, people getting sick. When I first opened, I was very excited about this place, and I went with Harrison Armin, and we were, like, excited to have a good restaurant in the neighborhood when I lived on Palmerston. It was like, oh, cool, this is like a great restaurant. And then even on the first time, I was like, it's not great, but we went there a bunch just because it was like one of the only options in this big space. But it was, why, as we said this before, the derby, it was a brown derby. Yes. And it was in the movie Swingers.

Well, no, it was specifically docked what restaurant it is. I guess we don't need to believe it. Well, I said we didn't have to, well, you know what? Sure, they can do the, if they want to do their homework and find out where it was, it was the derby. Yeah, sure. And it was, and I wish it was still the derby. I wish it was still had that history to it. It's a little bit of a bummer.

But I will say this, the, as far as I, when I, if I'm going to get oysters at a place, I want to go to like a seafood restaurant or a place where, like, oysters are like a thing we do. You know what I mean? But that's just me. I'm not saying you did anything wrong. Also, fucking up. I rolled a dice on fish. Yeah, you roll the dice and fish. Fucking up, hoist.

Fucking up oysters, too, though, it is just such a thing of, like, they need to be refrigerated. They need to be on ice. Yeah. It is just, like, someone for oysters. Yeah. Look, sometimes you're going to get unlucky and get a bad one, but, like, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a warm oyster or something at that place. I was just surprised because they have, like, Dollar Oyster Tuesdays. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you could think that they are on their oyster game. What day were you there? I mean, who knows? So they may have been a week old oysters. They might do Dollar Oyster Tuesdays because they can clear out their oyster. stock. Yeah. Yeah. Let's do one of these yellow cream on, though. Cream or. You got it? Cream or crim?

I think we land on crim. All right, with this, another one we have. That's a light cream for me. Have we reviewed McConnell's previous on the podcast? I'm not sure if we've done McConnell's. This is Santa Barbara, California's own McConnell's and other fine artisan creamery. This is their reindeer tracks ice cream. I didn't bring enough spoons. Are you okay if I wipe my spoon down. No. Okay. Yes, of course we are.

Well, I'm not sick anymore. Yes, yeah. Oh, we didn't even talk about how sweet the fucking straw. The, our lemonade's were. Oh, fuck. We didn't touch on the lemonade at all. I didn't write down the lemonade in the fucking sizzler boats. The Beats.

The Beats Lemonade was so fucking sweet I couldn't finish it. The sweet as fuck. The strawberry lemonade was so, it was, you know I love sweets, why. Yeah, too sweet for you. Too sweet for me. Yeah. I, my vision got blurry.

saw Wilford Brimley morning we have it was that level of diabetes yeah it was it was it was way it was too way too fucking sweet

no those those lemons I thought were pretty gross unfortunately I was thankful I was grateful for the the decaf coffee

at the end of the meal can't wait to get COVID from Amelia huh you gave wags I just gonna say you gave wags quite a good chunk

there of ice cream I know but my she gave me kind of a small one which I was fine with well I'll give me look at this shit

that was a comfort puny portion versus what the fuck is it is? It gets colder as you go down. No, I get it, yeah. If you think you're done

with that, just take my bowl. I don't care. I don't want your bowl. All right, Amelia just accidentally flip some under the carpet. Hold on.

You're about to put it in my bowl. There's a huge hair on it. It's a Santa hair. It's a Santa hair. It's so gross. Oh, it's a Santa hair. It's a Santa hair. I hate that.

That doesn't make it better. Oh, God. It was just a Santa hair. That was disgusting. All right, there's a Santa hair on the chunk of ice cream that fell onto the carpet. I still want. That's my spoon. Careful.

And I do have it. Here we go. There you go. Okay, you threw some ice cream at me. That was normal. Hold on. There's some on the floor here. What is reindeer?

Try and pick up. Oh, over here. Well, well, well. On this side. Hey, I got, you know what? You could give your boss a nice new pair of shoes for Chris. Can you pick up that chocolate on the white carpet? Oh, that's what you're seeing.

That's what I'm trying to get. We give me the... On the side of the table. Yeah. Jimmy, you cannot have this. Pugh. Jimmy has never been less interest in the podcast. No.

We've got some... Reindeer tracks ice cream. What does that evoke for you? Because I feel like I've heard that name before, but if you asked me to name the specific components, I'd be like, I don't know, fucking chocolate. I feel like it's similar to a moose tracks, just like a bunch of candies and stuff in there or something.

Okay. I don't know if I'm right, wrong. I'm going to tell you. Yeah. Now we're in business. Now we're in business. Now we're in business. This is...

Take a look at this some bitch. This kicks the shit out of the Banluan ice cream. I love McConnell's. Reindeer tracks, decadent, darkish chocolate ice cream spiked with peppermint candy and heaps of rich, chewy chocolate cookies. Okay. Kicks the shit. This holiday season, ditched the socks, boxed wine, and desk calendars,

and give the gift that melts. Fun. Am I right? Mm-hmm. This has, like, very good, like, cozy winter vibe somehow. I wasn't like, I almost, hey. The peppermint works here, but it is. It's subtly played.

There's a thing. Huh? There's a thing. There's a thing with Christmas stuff where I'm like, I don't always need a mint or peppermint either. I almost wish there was a little few other things going on here instead of the peppermint. Completely agree. I get frustrated by how much stuff just, like, has peppermint shoved in it

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm I do like the chocolate cookies in here That's a lot of fun If you mix the Van Lewin With the reindeer tracks Very nice Ooh I believe that

Yeah, this actually would be a good one Two punch Yeah, like a two scoop comb Yeah This is a cream Cream dream This is a big-time cream I mean the chunks of chocolate cookie

With the dark chocolate ice cream Have we never done McConnell's? I don't know if we have it. McConnell's may be really good. I think these are two artisan parlors that we could indicate full episodes to.

The creams. That's a big time cream. I'm happy. Yeah, big cream. What do you think of meals? Cream, and it makes the peppermint even more of a cream. Emma, you're on board with cream?

You prefer this to the peppermint? Yeah. Wow. You're saying the other ice cream that makes better? Yeah. Yeah, she makes them together. Look at this.

I don't know, but okay. That's fair. I'm just saying it. It complements it. It complements it, but it doesn't, the other one isn't better. It made the other one better. This one is so good that it made the other one better. Yes.

All right, that's fair. It's good. I do like that one. So if we had some hot fudge, this Van Luen one maybe would have been more fun. 100%. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Do you like ice cream in a winter month?

I do. I do. I like ice cream at all times. Yeah, a lot of fun. Well, the thing I just said, there's a hot fudge, to me, It's like, ooh, the ice cream is like the snow outside, and then the warm hot fudge is like the, it's the open fire. That was like my piss going on the snow.

Or you're piss going on the snow. Your unhealthy black piss. Hey, that was snacker white cream or cream edition. Just like a rest of it, all your feedback. What's up with the feedback? Today's email is from Tony I from Rochester, New York. Hey, how about that? Tony writes, on a recent episode with Zach Cherry, during Zach Cherry Week,

there were multiple mentions of the Vlasic Pickle-Stork. The conversation got me thinking about love in the greater food industry mascot universe. If you could play matchmaker between any food mascots, who would you put together to be each other's Mr. and Mrs. Wright's or Mr. and Ms. Ms. Right Now's. Thanks for many years of joyful laughs and cum analysis. Didn't we pitch matchmaker as a double idea at some point? Ooh, that is a good idea.

Yeah. Yeah, they would call like Snatchmaker? Well, yeah, we call it a Snatchmaker. That's what it was. Didn't we call a snack maker? There was some pun we had for it. It wasn't there? I don't know, maybe.

I believe it. It was not Snatchmaker. Pons on this show? No way. Snatch maker, snatch maker, make me a snatch. It actually was really good. Yeah. All right, a great question.

I'm to say hot hamburger. Hot hamburger and the sexy hamburger, they did reboot. They rebooted with that actual hunky eye. And then Charlie Tuna from Star Kiss Tuna. Okay. I'm going to go Wendy and Dave Thomas. Our dad? It's fucking disgusting.

Her actual father? This is an imaginary thing. some rule 34 shit right there I'm gonna go it probably is on there I'm sure it is on there I'm gonna go hmm what about Papa John and Jared

from Subway That's good Both in prison Yeah I'm gonna jail cell together See what happens That's fun I like that That's really good

Yeah Ronald McDonald and J.K. Simmons J.K. Simmons? J.K. Simmons? Because from like we are farmers? No, just the actor Wait, that's not what the exercise He's a mascot, you freak That's why I thought

Farmers Insurance was like He's like kind of in a commercial I thought we could get creative Okay, sure All right, yeah, all right, that's fair I did, I got creative too All right, how about the Car Fox and Barack Obama? Yes

I can see them more as a Mr. Wright now though I don't see that working out long term Who would you quote the general? Show me the birth certificate Michelle, I have something to tell you. I hooked up with a Carfax. Carbox is good.

We don't see enough of them. Hey, we would all love to see Shaq and the general. The Carfax used to be a puppet and they turned him CG and that bummed me out. Yeah, that's a bummer. He's more fun as an animatronic. Showman Carfax was what I was referencing if people don't. Those are everywhere, though, right? Those are everywhere.

Yeah, I think so. If we're going food mascots, hold on, I've got to look at, There was, there was, I mean, hot hamburger and hot Wendy would be like, that's like, you know, that's like, yeah, that's like, that's like, that's like, yeah. Then this also makes me feel weird because they are just real people. I'm realizing as we say that. Maybe we should stick to fake people. What about Mr. Peanut and the green Eminem and then their babies would be peanut. Oh my God.

That's pretty good. That is a great one. That is a great one. It's also cucking the yellow M&M to some degree. What if it was the green M&M, the green giant and the Geico? Lizard. Gecko. One of them is not food.

It's a green polly relationship. You're just doing mascots, but I think that's fun, too. I like the green Eminem and the peanut hooking up, and the baby is a peanut that has Eminem on the inside. Oh, yeah, that'd be... Interesting. They'd give them away. I don't have a single clue how you do that, but I love it.

Just freak out of here. Oh, we clearly have kind of losing our minds here at the end of the year. I need a list of food mascots to refer to. I mean, I think Tony the Tiger course, that's an option. I have to leave in seven hours. All right, here we go. The Cheetah. Chester Cheetah.

Chester Cheetah is now fancier. We're like, you know, it's feelings like he had really fancy sex now. Does it sex or just hooking them up? I don't know what the deal is. Here we go. Are we shipping them? I think we're shipping them. We got the, you know, we, of course, have the Cheerios Bee and the Jolabee.

Oh, that's good. Yeah. Two different bees from two different worlds. Our healthy spaghetti and chicken. Yeah. That's kid. What about the Honey Night Cheerio bee and the bear, the honey bear? You know what I'm saying?

Oh, yeah, the honey bear. The honey bear. I guess there's no good real mascot for the honey bear. Get enough of them sugar. Yeah, the sugar crisps. Yeah. Is that a tier list? Yeah, I'm looking at a tier list.

This one has cap and crunch up an S tier. Hmm. I guess I can kind of see that. These are all cereal mascots. where there are a lot of. Quaker Oats guy down in D tier. I don't know about that. Boy, they're really not,

they really don't like the sun-made raisins lady either. I just thought Sun-made Raisins-Lady was hot. Yeah, she is. She's very, very pretty. Is this tier-lis based on the people's opinion of the food, not the mascot, objectively? This is, this tier-list is ranked by power. So this is very subjective.

Oh, I'm looking at the tier list as well. I mean, we do have, I do get the Kool-Aid man in the S-tier, because he seems very powerful. Two scoops are raised in the sun. Of course, he would have a lot of raw power. Who could we hook up with the Kool-Aid man? Someone could jump in that jug. I feel like the Carl's Jr. star could get in there.

Could you get in the jug? Yeah. Or like a booze mascot, like make boozy Kool-Aid. Or like the brawny guy or something that can like soak up the, you know what I'm saying? Yes. I'm realizing, I'm remembering now when I was on Twitter, I did write like a very brief fanfic within one tweet about, um, the Red Baron eating out Mama Celeste.

All right, you know what? That's the winner. Sometimes I regret nuking my Twitter account, but it was for the best. You should get back on there. It's great now. Yeah.

I hear it's the spot. If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at Feedbag at birdfuck.com or leave us a voicemail 830. Go to that's 8304663-844. Our producers, Emily Marino, our video editor,

Mike Dorfman doughboys apparel at kinshipgoods.com slash dope is including the Mahalo Mitz shirt. Wow. I should turn around and just see the back

of this bad boy. Hell yeah. It looks like you're shitting into the ice cream. A reenactment of the sizzler. Yeah, interesting. It wasn't me. Come on.

To get the doughboys double a weekly bonus episode plus our entry entire pre-2018 2018 back catalog, subscribe at patreon.com slash doughboys. That'll do it for this week's episode of Doe Boys, Spoon, man. The Quaker Oak Guy and the Land of Lakes Lady.

That's pretty good. That's wholesome. Everyone can enjoy that. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think everyone can enjoy that. Yeah. You know what? Enjoy that as we say good night.

We're here from Doe Boys. Until next time for the Spood by Mike Mitchell, I'm Tiger Wig. Happy eating. See ya. Hi, I'm Nicole Bayer. Hi, I'm Sashir Zameda. And this is the podcast, Best Friends. And we're here at HeadGum.

So this is just a podcast where we just talk. Yeah. We're best friends. Yeah. We talk. And then we have a segment where we answer questions and queries. So audience can ask questions about friendships and we can answer them to the best of our abilities. Yes.

We are professional friends. We are professional friends. Subscribe to Best Friends on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Pocketcast, or wherever you get your podcast. and watch videos on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday. That's the middle of a work week. I was deeply unhelpful to you during that whole thing. You were.

I'm really sorry. I felt the support. I was so, okay. I was trying to be supportive. Yeah. But I was like, I don't know, reading seems pretty hard right now. It's a lot. I think you did good.

Thank you so much. You're welcome. That was a hate gum podcast.