Doughboys - Subway 3 with Sean Clements & Hayes Davenport

Episode Date: January 28, 2021

Sean Clements & Hayes Davenport (Hollywood Handbook, The Flagrant Ones) join the 'boys for their long-awaited return and a revisit of Subway. Plus, Mitch tries some Harpoon Dunkin' beer in another edition of Sip or Ship.Sources for this week's intro:https://www.thoughtco.com/submarines-history-1992416#:~:text=Designs%20for%20underwater%20boats%20or%20submarines%20date%20back,Hunley%2C%20the%20submarine%20that%20sank%20a%20Union%20ship.https://www.history.navy.mil/content/history/museums/nmusn/explore/photography/wwi/wwi-entering-the-war/german-uboat-attacks-1915-17.htmlhttps://alphahistory.com/worldwar1/total-war/https://delicioussubs.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/a-brief-history-of-the-submarine-sandwich/https://www.subway.com/en-us/aboutus/historyAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmWant more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. The ruinous Great War imposed many horrific innovations on the world, among them chemical weapons, trench warfare, and mechanized infantry that forever altered how militaries conduct battle. And while Total War may be as old as war itself, the way it was conducted in World War I by the German Navy was another novel atrocity, devastating the Allied economic engine by sinking merchant vessels, killing scores of civilians, with their fleet of Untersea Boots, better known as U-boats, or submarines.

By World War II, submarines were so common in naval combat that the term had become slang near American naval bases for tube-shaped sandwiches on long rolls that bore a physical resemblance to the submerged metal death cylinders. Submarine sandwiches, also known as grinders, heroes, and hoagies in different regions of the country, became a staple blue-collar lunch and comfort food after the Great War's And in 1970, Connecticut college pals Peter Buck and Fred DeLuca capitalized on the trend with a submarine shop of their own. The duo had more than a dozen locations by the middle of the decade, but craving more

they began franchising, which aggressively expanded the chain nation and worldwide, its ubiquity becoming a punchline by the 90s. Despite facing contemporary challenges like an increasingly carb-conscious clientele, the entry of more upscale competitors like Jersey Mikes and Firehouse Subs, and their jailed pariah of a mascot, the company's perhaps predatory franchising strategy has helped the sandwichery remain the largest restaurant chain in the world, outpacing even McDonald's and Starbucks. But will that remain at decades end, or will the submarine shop have its sector dominance

torpedoed by a changing world? This week on Doughboys, we return, once again, to Subway. Dough is the Doughboy! Doughboy, Doughboy! Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger, along with my co-host, Joe Piden, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. He's getting tomorrow's inaugur- is the inauguration wigs. As of this record, we're recording this on the 19th, this episode will be out a week

into the Biden administration. So we'll see how things are going. That was courtesy of at J-A-M-Axales on Instagram. So this could be a dark, tomorrow could be a dark day, and then this will be a strange in hindsight this will be. Could be an odd time capsule. Yeah. Yes.

This J-M-Axales writes, just wanted to wish you Doughboys and Doughgirls a safe 2021 from up here in Canada. Ah. Sorry for the roast, Mitch, I love you and wish you the best of health from this year forward, roastspoonman at gmail.com. I cannot make a true American joke, huh? Yeah. Maybe a little out of line.

Yeah. Keep his name out of your mouth. That's our president, man. Mitch, M-O-R producer is not here today. She had some business to attend to, but we have- Good riddance. Good riddance? She's going to edit this episode. I'm joking.

We love Emma. This is how she's going to learn of her termination, listening to this later. We love Emma. Emma, we love you. We love Emma. Emma's the best. Don't put a filter on my voice and make me sound like a fool, right? Wikes, how do you hold a spoon nation?

My guests are guests. Our guests, they make me nervous because they're good roasters. Right. We know we talk about food here, but sometimes when they're here, it feels like we're on the menu. Yes. They're regular Kenny Rogers wikes because they're roasters. Are we in?

Is it? That's my intro? No, no, no. I have to play a drop, but I also have an important announcement to make. You can understand why we thought we were- Do we have to pause that long before the drop? I haven't listened in a little while. I'm sorry.

It's usually about five minutes. We tell the guests about five to seven minutes. Yeah. Wikes. It will be silence or we'll be able to hear it. Oh, you'll be able to hear the drop. In fact, it's coming right now. Oh, god damn it.

Everybody else think it sounded like Mitch had something planned for the inauguration tomorrow. So he said it could be a dark day. It was- Sorry. Sorry. All right. Oh, god.

I don't have anything planned. All right. Here we go. Here we go. Here's the drop. You can move back home and still do the podcast. So I would just do it for my mom's basement, basically. Okay.

Okay. You can move back home and still do the podcast. So I would just do it for my mom's basement, basically. Okay. No peeking. I want to live with mommy. He's moving in with mommy, for sure. No peeking.

No peeking. Is it damp or stank? Whoa. No peeking. No peeking. Is it damp or stank? Whoa. Okay.

No peeking. No peeking. Okay. No peeking. No peeking. Okay. Some original vocals laid down there. That's true.

Give me your world spoof. Hello, Night Spoon. I hope you like this drop and played on the show. Thanks for all the laughs. Casey from Minneapolis. Well, I got news for you. My name is changing today, Wags. In honor of our new guest.

That's all you say. That was really good. You just say some original vocals? They worked so hard on that. It was great. It was good. It was harder than you do on the show. Fair.

Me or Weigar? Yeah, Weigar. The entirety of the show. The entire run of the show. It was good, but I got to say, I think the vocals were from the show and used in the drop. We someone saying that on the show? Yeah.

I think that's someone singing that. Is that like Jess McKenna or somebody singing that? I don't know. Oh, that's the kind of thing McKenna would do. Okay. One thing that Weigar said about it was wrong. I have a new name. Nick.

Yeah, I'm aware of this. I've been making a lot of pizzas at home. They look great. I've made some great bar pizzas with the help of a lot of friends. Justin, Kylie, the two-fold brothers, Anthony, Dan, two-fold, Wu Tang, Joey, a bunch of people have helped me. So you're just basically having like 12 guys in your kitchen? No one was in my home because of COVID-19 protocols until my mom gets the vaccine.

No one gets in here, but then she can have whoever she wants to come over, but until then- Oh, when she gets the vaccine? Nobody's allowed. Why don't you get the vaccine for all? Phone party. Sorry, man. Sorry, Ma.

I know you want to go to sleep, but it's actually fucking party time up in this piece. Well my new name, Nick, this is a big episode, so I'm going to announce it on this episode is Mr. Slice. That's right. Because of your pizza prowess, you are now Mr. Slice. I like everyone to address me as Mr. Slice. Sean Hayes, is that okay? Wow, Mr. Slice would have asked.

Mr. Slice would have just told me that's what I'm going to do. Yeah, you know what? That is okay, Sean and Hayes. That's better. I mean, what you told me you were- this isn't like an improvement on when you were like texting us about wanting to be called Senior Slyzzy. Yeah. That's a weird thought was gross.

I didn't like that at all. Mr. Slice is much better. I like it better than what you pitched me, which was paparone. Our guest today hosts the podcast Hollywood Handbook and the Flagrant Ones, which you can find now at patreon.com slash theflagrantones. Sean Clements, Hayes Davenport are back. Guys, thanks so much for being here. Yeah.

Hey, thanks for having us, man. The stampede. Everyone's a click. I've been busting my ass trying to get back on this thing. Dude, you're slippery, man. You gave us the run around, dude. Props, because you would say, oh, we got to have you back on and we'd go, yes, any time, like please, we have to, we want to do it.

You go, yeah, no, we got to do that sometime. And then that would be it for months. Just to be clear, I have been wanting to have you guys come back and this falls mostly on Weiger for whatever reason. Here we go. Here we go. Nick has not wanted it. He's been reasoning a little bit.

This is Mitch throwing me out of the bus, and it's not true. I would have loved to have you guys back on. We all know you'll get under that bus on your own volition. I mean, did that make sense? Years past, I would have believed you, Nick, but Mr. Slice doesn't play it that way. He shoots you straight. Sean, I could drop off one of my pans if you would like to make the pizza, this bar pizza that I've been making.

We should clarify, so Sean, you're currently in Boston for work, so Mitch is in driving distance. Mm-hmm. Mitch is nearby and he's offering to drop off a pan so that I can fully make a pizza on my own. The ingredient he thinks I'm missing is the pan. So this is like his mom like helping it, like every night she just like puts all the ingredients in the pan, and he thinks that he's like making these pizzas, but that the pan just

does it. No, you'll love it, man, you just need a pan out on the counter. You go to sleep, and when you wake up, there's a full Mr. Slice-style pizza waiting for you. I will give you the pan. The elf just moves. He's on a new shelf every night, and he'll be, he's in a hot tub, or he's doing anything. It's so cool.

Here's the deal. What Hayes just said, I'll give you the Mr. Slice experience. I'll bring over a pan with dough in it and the sauce and the cheese. You just got to put it in the oven at 500 degrees for about 10 minutes. Wow. And Mitch, you got a deal. Wow. I'll do that, and then we do another episode next week about it.

I'm in. Nick? Sure. Why not? Yes. What are we doing? Why not? Why not?

This is the shelf, guys. I agree. And this was like, where it should have been going all along is, you know, you review all these restaurants, and you're just like sitting on this opportunity. You open your own food operation and review it and be like, oh, this is good. Frickin' the forks and stuff. And now, but you know, it's, you're launching your own thing that you have equity in. Have we opened a restaurant called Five Forks, Nick?

I mean, it's kind of similar to Five Guys. Five Forks. Five Forks. Five Forks. Brogurs and forks. You're like, no, these are forks. Right. These are different.

Five Forks is too, I guess it is too similar to Five Guys. I think just because Five is in there, yeah. There's something with forks. There's something with, you know, with a golden plate club, but I think you're on to something with Mr. Slice. I mean, Five Forks. Five Forks is kind of cool, but wouldn't it make more sense to call it two dorks? All right.

Guys, I was curious about- Hey, you know what, who said that? There it is. Give me my microphone back. Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know who that guy was. Hey, I got an idea for a website, Mr. Slice. And then you can see pizza in movies. Like Mr. Skin.

Like Mr. Skin. But for shots of pizza. Mm-hmm. Do you like this? Yeah. I mean, I didn't get it right away because Mr. Skin is not top of mind for me these days. But I hear Mr. Blank. I'm not like, oh, that's a parody of Mr. Skin.

Oh, they're playing off Mr. Skin. Yeah. Well, I was recently watching Knocked Up, and that is a big part of the, they do a Mr. Skin parody. There's a subplot. But you know what's weird about that? They do the Studio 60 thing, where they're coming up with the idea for Mr. Skin, and then there's a plot point of like, well, what about Mr. Skin?

Like so, like Mr. Skin exists in their world as well in the same way that Studio 60 acknowledged existence of SNL kind of undercut the whole premise. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I still like that movie. I like the movie too. I like it's pro-life messaging. We should mention, along with the two of you guys, I said Emma's not here, but you've been

kind enough to lend us your engineer for the day. The great chef Kevin Bartel is here. Hi, Kevin. Hey, Kevin. Hi, guys. Thanks for having me. Thank you so much. Thanks for being here.

Kevin, I wanted to bring you in in part because you're someone as well as Hayes who can comment on my big news for this year, which is that I am eating vegetarian. Hayes, I believe you've been not eating meat for a while. You've been minimizing your meat consumption and, Kevin, you've been full on vegan for a few years now. That's right. Four years and two years vegetarian before that. Wow.

Congrats. I'm very happy for you. Well, I'm 19 days in, so we'll save the medals, but thank you. Meanwhile, my meat consumption is at an all-time high. More for Midgy. Hayes, I know your decision to go that direction was largely, boy, my jaw just started to fall just dislocated. Oh, that hurt a lot.

I hurt a pop. Yeah, that was my jaw. It usually only happens when I'm sleeping. It's never happened during an episode before. This is a side effect of not eating meat. We should have told you. Really? Yeah, meat really shores up the jaw in a way that even plant protein really can't do.

Every night I wake up, every morning, first thing in the morning, the first thing I do is my jaw is always dislocated when I wake up in the morning. So the first thing I do is I put my jaw, pop my jaw back in place, the rooster crows. Yeah. That's how I start my day. Resets his jaw. His wife's eyes don't even open anymore. A jaw bone being locked back into place.

What is that scary? What is that movie where the guy puts the jaw back into his mouth? I'm trying to think of what it is. There's some scary movie where that happens. Jaws. I think it is Jaws. Are you thinking of Beetlejuice? Oh, maybe it is Beetlejuice.

Her jaw falls off and then it's kind of like a tender thing. Yeah. He puts Gina Davis's jaw back on. I feel like it was drier than that. He reassigned Gina Davis's character to a man in his head. Okay, Mitch. I'm sorry. Geez.

2021 going well for you. Why? Can your jaw detach much like a snake if it wants to put something bigger into its mouth? All right. I wanted to ask, hey, you've been, my understanding is that part of your reason to minimize your meat consumption is based off, it's ecological. It's based off of climate change. It was.

I looked up how many steaks it's, how many showers it is when you eat a steak. How many showers are in a steak? Yeah. Right. And so if I don't eat one steak, I can take 20, 30 showers in a day and I can do whatever I want in there. It's pure mathematics. You just go, well, I'm losing a little bit on the steak side, but I'm making up for

so much and all the extra showers that I get. And I do eat the fish. You do eat the fish. Oh, yes. Yep. But they're basically taking a shower all the time. True. And that's going to happen no matter.

So in that way, I'm actually reducing the showers even more by, there's less fish in there. Right. That's fewer showers for them and you're taking them out of them. Just fewer showers happening overall. Yeah. You know. You don't really feel like a fool because this year, you don't got to shower that much

at all if you don't want to. So that's really interesting. My, I guess, desire to be clean is not purely external the way it is for you. I don't have to move to an entirely different place where it's okay if I'm not clean because I'm only doing it because of who I'm interacting with. For me, that actually feels nice. I get that. You know what?

I, you know, I, I got to say that I pinned Sean's video. We did a episode of Hollywood Handbook right before this and I pinned Sean's video and I don't know how to unpin it here. Are you talking about Zoom? Why would you unpin it? You're, you're, yeah, I guess, I guess I'll just, yeah, on Zoom, Sean, I'm only just seeing Sean. View and go to gallery view.

Oh, that, oh, that's what I do. Okay. That should do it. I'm kind of going to be Sean, honestly. Yeah. You're fucking up, Mitch. While you're doing that, Mitch, can you also get on camera? Oh yeah.

I now see that I'm not really on there. Maybe like just like, yeah, sit, there you go. Thank you. Do you want to lower the camera even more? I can, I can see like from this angle, I can see that if it was just a little lower, I would get a peek all the way up your shorts. I don't really like this angle much. I do.

I, it is, it's very, but how else could you sit? This is what we run into. That's sitting. You don't love the angle, but it's either that or, or sit up. That's just what it is. We sit at a 45 degree angle. How's that? All right.

There we go. Oh yeah. We're in the mid sixties. Now Sean Hayes, I'll get to you, but Sean, have you had any good eats? In the Boston Quincy area since you've been there, since you've been here? Yeah. Well, actually Mitch, you were kind enough to send me an extremely detailed list of what was it?

Were there 40 or 45 restaurants on that list? Yeah. I believe about 45 probably restaurants. Yeah. Yes. And they were broken down into categories and there were like local favorites. There were some of your favorites that were like uncategorized, but then, you know, some of them would fall into these other.

So for Sushi, speaking of I eat the fish, we have been all partaking of, I shared the list, by the way, with all my coworkers and everyone really likes it and you're sort of something of a little celebrity on set where it's, oh, I ate at one of Mitch's places last night or Mr. Slice turned me on to this nice little Greek diner, you know, all these things. And so we get Fuji at West of Chestnut. That's one that we go to a lot. Great.

Great restaurant. Across the street from the Fat Cat, which my godfather's son owns. Great restaurant. I've done, I did the two, your two favorite pizza places, what it was like Sant, Santarpia's and Santarpio's and what was the other one? Pizzeria Regina. Pizzeria Regina. I've done both of those a couple of times.

What did you think? And Santarpio's has the good meat skewers as well. Yes, they have delicious meat skewers. Yeah. Did you enjoy both of them? Both of them? I did enjoy both of them, yes. Good.

I'm excited. That makes me happy. I like that you've been a, this is exciting to me, Nick. You know this. If someone is in... When did you put together this list of restaurants? Because I don't think I've ever seen you write a document. I gotta say, Nick, I was shocked because he had said like, I'll give you some tips or

I'll tell you some paves and then he didn't do it and he didn't do it and then I started giving him shit about it thinking like, well, this will be our relationship now. I'll just needle him about how he didn't deliver. And then he sent this like spreadsheet. It had like start. Wow. He was like, I realized the list was getting too long. So I decided to start putting like little stars next to the ones that are true standouts

and then I separated out the ones that like I love versus ones that are just kind of famous locations. It was really impressive. Now, Nick, do you remember the day that I was like 45 minutes late to our record? Which one? Just recently. Like I think maybe in October, I was making this list up probably on that day. Oh, that's what that was.

And it's just like a philosophical thing. Do you send like a thousand emails or whatever over the course of your life or do you just send one great email? I care. I like when people are in the city. Well, as you know this, you were here and you didn't really care too much to be here. You kind of looked down at your phone. We had a lovely time.

I was exhausted. You looked at this phone once when he was at Boston and Mitch was like, okay. This it was at the. Wow. All right. We were at the end of a tour and I stayed an extra day. You could show me the city and I was happy to see everything. You took me some great places to eat, but I was also very, very tired.

So I think that you were getting some of that energy as you were showing me the various quarries and the shipping container you were locked inside at a football practice that you thought it was important for me to see. Get in. My dad, my dad getting a shout out at a, my dad getting a shout out at a, at a, when the T station opened in Walliston. Oh, that's right. I went to that ceremony.

That was lovely. I think you yelled out yawn while they were talking about my dad. You got a shout out. Yeah. That's nice. Guys, I have this list for Mitch. I should send it to you just so you can see how, how crazy it is and all the different writing.

I tried to put, I actually just tried to text it to all of you and the, and it said no. And it said the, I must have just too long. It said no, no, no. Now I do need you to try to get to the ice cream parlor just cause it needs the support right now. Do you mean Brigham's? The former Brigham's? The former Brigham's.

Yeah. Yes. And Dieter works there, correct? Dieter does work there. That's correct. If you're in the Quincy area and you want yourself a sweet treat, check out, check out the Brigham's, the former Brigham's and Quincy and Dieter is a lovely man. It's called the ice cream parlor.

We want a frappe or a mocha ice cream float or just an ice cream float of any kind. I mean, that could be a branding issue if it's just called the ice cream parlor. Oh my God. It's maybe just hard for people to figure out which one. That's not the issue. Okay. I mean, it's not the issue. It's not the issue.

The issue is the quality of the ice cream. I promise it's not the main. You, yeah, but you want to do the ice cream parlor and it's about P-A-R-L-E-R. An ice cream place where all ideas are welcome. I have never downloaded the parlor. I have never downloaded the parlor. Get to me like he said he was going to. Oh yes.

Hayes. Oh yeah. I emailed you guys the list, by the way. Oh yeah. I do want to look at the list. Okay. Let's look at this list and then Mitch can get to Hayes. Hayes, I was just going to say to you, how are you?

Okay. Wow. I did all this prep for being gotten to and somehow I did the one question you didn't think to prepare for. I'm really good. It's so nice to be on this show again after so long. It's wonderful to see both of you. Hayes, you know what, I am going to get to you right now because look what I just got

an email, someone I voted for because of your hard work. Look at that. Hayes. I just got a, I got a, I got a, a, a, a vaccine's explained email. Yeah. You signed up for the mailing list and everything, huh? That's right. Made a donation.

Look at you. My election day for the primary was mostly spent trying to get Mitch to vote. I remember this. Were you on that chain too, Sean? Yeah, you were. Yeah. I was like navigating him. I was like freaking Chloe from 24th.

Yeah. It was pretty impressive and just the, the fortitude you demonstrated, you know, I used to teach a little improv and every now and then you'd have a student where like every note made them bad in a new way where you'd go like, okay, I think the problem is, okay, you just, you're being too wishy washy. Like you, you know, you're kind of staying between two choices, be more definitive, make a strong choice. And then they would make like the worst strong choice policy go, you know what, it was better

when you were, when you weren't deciding on something and it was similar with Mitch in a way where like, I'd go, okay, he's just gave some really clear instructions. Surely this will become Mitch voting. Like that has to be the result, but, but Mitch would just find some new obstacle that he could create for himself. And I would say, I don't know how you even are going to back him around this, but you stuck with it and you did it. You know, I ended up at a school.

I wanted to end it up at a school and right behind me, Casey Affleck was waiting in line right behind me to vote. How about that? Wow. Wow. So you, you got, you did, you got me there. I did, I did vote. To be clear, I wasn't trying, I wasn't trying not to vote.

I was trying to find a place. There were very long lines because it was a, it was a, was it, was that during, was that during all this or no? It was like a week before it's basically what caused it. Is that true? Like March, it was March 3rd, so it was like a week later that they had to shut down the entire city. Oh my God.

Isn't it true, Mitch, that you turned to Casey and started talking to him about the scene in Goodwill Hunting where he comes downstairs from jerking off and Chuckie's mom's room. You were just like, wow, the way, when you say, Hey guys, like what's up guys and you're all out of breath, like that to me really felt so authentic. Were you really jerking off up there? The whole thing with the baseball glove and you say used it for cleanup, like that was so true to my experience with my guys grown up in Quincy. Like where did that come from?

It's not, I mean, to me, it sounded like a really cool investigation of his process and just two actors talking shot. I mean, I didn't say a word to him and I can't really comment on it because my mom is actually in the basement right now on the treadmill. So she is that true? Yeah. So your mom is getting a workout in? Your mom's censoring the podcast?

I honestly, if I turn this and then I open this door, you could probably see my mom on the treadmill. So your mom is literally like six feet from you as you're recording the podcast working out. You threatened me with a good time. All right, Mitch is standing up. Oh, shit. He knocked something over and now he is opening.

I don't know. Ma. I just want to say hello. We're recording. Hello. Did you hear it? Hi, Mrs. Mitchell. Nick says hi, Mrs. Mitchell.

Oh, California? Yeah. That's right. Yeah, that's right. Out in California. Staying safe? Double masked? Staying safe?

Double masked, Nick? Yeah, I got it. You got it these days. The new strain. You got it with the new strain, he says. Tell your mom, so Mrs. Mitchell. She said you're putting me to sleep and I'm on a treadmill. Nick, what would you like to say to her?

I was just going to say, you send pictures, your son sends photos of the cocktails you've been making, the two of you have been making. I'd love to, next time I can come back to Quincy, I'd love to have some drinks with you. I'd love to have you bartend for me. Ma, next time Nick comes to Quincy, he wants you to make him drinks. He wants you to make him cocktails and drinks. That's not how I said that.

You said absolutely? Yep. Oh, wonderful. She said absolutely. Thank you, mom. Yep, that's my mom on the treadmill. The list is amazing, Mitch. It's quite a list.

It's very comprehensive. Thank you. There's a whole category for, quote, big restaurants. That's right. That is actually, those are restaurants that can just house me in a way where I feel comfortable. I listed some that were in Boston specifically, desserts. I really went over it. It's a very long, it's too long, in some ways, too long of a list, maybe.

I loved it. I loved it. It was really comprehensive and sometimes you would have one down there and I would do my own research and I would say, well, I don't know if this one's for me, but there was always another backup option that maybe wasn't your favorite, but was your second or third favorite or one of your friends that was more suited to my taste and so it was a really great list and it served me well and I'll continue to use it as a resource throughout my stay.

And, Mitch. You know what? We're going to release it to our Patreon listeners. If you're in the Double Platinum Play Club, right, Nick? The Double Platinum Play Club? Are you adding a new tier? That's a new tier. Wow.

$15 a month. And the list becomes- Maybe we'll just subscribe the one time and then cancel it if it's just a list they're getting. Oh, come on. You're a recurring charger. No, just like- You know that this is just a joke. And they can post it anywhere.

Yeah. It's just text. Hey, Mitch, we should talk about a word that appears a number of times on your list, sandwich. You got Pravides here. You got Lambert's. You got the Fours. You got Brother's Roast Beef, Cucinamia Cafe, Sam LaGrasse, a bunch of sandwich spots on here and some dedicated sandwich spots, others that offer an array of food stuffs.

Interesting way of pronouncing Pravides, dude. I'm sorry. I don't know. That's perverts. I would think you would know that. There's a lot of sandwich options on there. We're discussing one of the biggest, I mean, the biggest sandwich chain, not just the biggest sandwich chain, the biggest restaurant chain in the world today, Subway, but I wanted to

begin generally with, Hayes, we'll start with you. What do you guys look for in a sandwich? What's your favorite type of sandwich? People listening. Subway 3? Yes! They did it again! I've been waiting.

When are they going to do Subway 3? Unbelievable what YouTube got away with. Not one. Not two. Oh man. Keep going. Keep going. Yes!

What do I look for in a sandwich? Yeah. Boy, I guess there's so many different kinds. Yeah. Like a Sub specifically? Sure, we can start there. I don't like it too crunchy. I don't like the little part.

I don't like the little flex to get everywhere. I almost always go for the big boy, whatever the size is, and then like, maybe I'll eat some later. But like, we can talk, like this sort of pertains to what we ordered, right? I mean, this is a show about how we ordered the food, right? It's true, yes. I find myself drifting into like, jumping ahead and saying like, well, here's what I got for this episode.

Well, hold on. I can, we can talk about a couple of things first. Are you a soft bread person or do you like, do you like to get things toasted? Are you a toasted person? Well, I think he just, I just was kind of saying he doesn't like it too toasted. Yeah, I know. I don't like it too, like, I will get it toasted, but ideally the bread will be in a situation where it's not going to like crunch and get everywhere and cut up my mouth and stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. I have a question for the, for, for everyone. Which, which Subway mascot did you prefer? John Lovitz or Jared? Don't make me pick. So they both obviously have strengths and weaknesses. Jared's funnier.

But John Lovitz is like more evil, I guess. Yes. But it's good. I mean, honestly, the mascot to me always was the pants. Yeah, true. So nothing was stolen from me when, you know, when that all went down. Ultimately, it was about the pants. You remember when the actor who played Vito on the Sopranos lost a bunch of weight in

real life between seasons? Nick, I was just watching that. And he has the episode where they, they wrote him going into Fit Club as like part of the show to explain it. Yeah. I was, I was watching that episode last night. He's in the, in the season six premiere. He's holding out, he's holding out his pants.

Like, like 65 waist pants or like huge pants and he looks almost felt. Every show was doing that. Like around that time, it's like how like there were, there was an episode about like cat fishing and every sitcom and like 2012 or whatever. Back then everyone held up a huge pair of pants in like almost every episode. Show after show after show. Yep. It would be full seasons.

There's, there's two and a half seasons of Frasier that are just about Niles' big pants. Yeah. They're arguing over, you know, whether he should wear chinos or not. Do we haze? No, that was me. No, that's not fair. That was Nick's silence. But really what Nick did was stole that silence from me.

I was the one who brought up the phrase around. I kind of ended it and Nick kind of, Nick saw the ball just sort of rolling around. It was like, well, I'll pick it up and I'll sort of move it down the field a little bit. And then I just stood and pointed and was like, look at this idiot trying to move the ball. So that's not fair. Now a show where they were picking up pants all the time, Veronica's closet. Okay. Okay.

Starring, starring Kirstie Alley. Go for it. Yes. Keep it coming. Here we are. Let's do this. Right here. Did Jimmy, right?

Wallace Langham. Let's do it, man. Now, Nick, any conversation of who was like in Cheers, who you preferred? Were you a, oh God, Diane? Or were you a Diane fan? Or were you a fan of Kirstie Alley's character? Rebecca. Rebecca, thank you.

Oh, Rebecca. You know, I just, when I started watching the show, when I was, my parents were watching it. So it was just on and I was watching it as a kid. But I remember Rebecca. I didn't remember Diane, so I was always Rebecca. But then later on you watch those Diane seasons. Diane's great.

Diane's great. I had a crush on Rebecca more so. And she's in Star Trek, which is cool. Oh, Diane, you mean? Kirstie Alley. Kirstie Alley's in Star Trek? Yeah, she's in like the first Star Trek movie. Yeah.

Oh, the first Star Trek movie. Okay. Yeah. No, I had a bit of a crush on Kirstie back in the day during the Cheers Day. But now Diane's the clear winner, huh? Kirstie's got a little Trump crazy, as you've seen. Uh, yeah. I don't really know the actor who plays Diane's politics.

Boy, this show gets really political. I had forgotten that this was such a big part of the show that you guys would really get into politics in a pretty comprehensive way. No, I, you know, as a fan, I'm just kind of, I'm here to watch. But I just, I think it's cool, man. You get right out in front of it, you know? We tried it. We sort of, I guess it's a little cowardly.

We'll straddle the fence and kind of shy away from some of these conversations. But God, you get in there, Mitch. I mean, you really dig in. I think it's important that we talk about some of this stuff. Um, no. Yeah. And you were saying, I mean, I mean, obviously I interrupted you. You had a lot more to say, I think.

Well, I think the thing that I was going to say is we're hitting bottom. Yeah. Go ahead. The thing I was going to say after this is I think the east coast makes the better sandwich, Nick. I think there's better sub shops here in general. Um, there's just like an ongoing thing of yours. And I, you know, I, I haven't eaten as many sandwiches on the east coast as you, but I get the logic. There's more of like maybe like a deli culture over on the east coast.

LA is making a run for it. They've got, there was a lot. There is a, there are a lot of great sandwich places there. But right. For my first, I mean, my first few years in LA, that's where I, that's where I became a subway man. I was eating subway God three times a week. Maybe I was eating subway constantly. There was one right around the corner from my house, $5 foot long, but I never have really thought that it's a good.

I think that's the thing is that subway always feels like a compromise. And to get into it, it's just a few facts about subway. So it's actual corporate name is doctors associates, Inc. How about that? That's what it was founded doing businesses subway. It started as Pete's super submarines actually in 1965 rebranded to its current name in 1968. And as I mentioned, over 40,000 worldwide locations, the largest restaurant operator in the world. Though that could change.

It is contracting as a lot of restaurants are, but mid, I never am excited to eat subway. No, I haven't announced my mom. My mom has gotten off the treadmill and she's gone upstairs. I want to back up because Nick was just a Nick sort of dropped a bomb on us and just left us to deal with the shrapnel. So you're saying that the current statistic of subway being the most sort of the largest restaurant could change? I wasn't sure that he said that. Yeah, no, I was like, Oh, well, if that's what it is, it must be that forever. Must have always been and so it shall remain.

So my world's a little bit rocked here. So what would happen? Someone else would have more than that. I mean, that's one way. You know, someone like a Starbucks could open more Starbucks or what's currently happening is that subways are folding. A lot of subway franchises are closed. Oh, I mean, and in that case, someone wouldn't have more than them. Well, they still have more than them because subway now had less.

They would have fewer. Yeah, would have fewer. Yeah, but they would also have more. Yeah, no, I'm not a math guy, but it was. Yeah, it almost seems like it would be in both cases, someone would have more. Sean, I'll put it also. I'll put it away that you can understand. They're they're folding like Niles's pants at the end of the season.

Yeah, arguing over whether he should wear chinos as you have probably talked about twice previously. What's different about subway is that it is fully franchisee operated. Like you that like if you want to open a subway, you can open it wherever you want. And that's why there are so many. They don't say like, OK, well, there's another one across the street. We're not going to do this. It's just a mail order business. Yeah.

And so that is actually, I mean, that's some of the issues are, you know, people, they're like, I'll open a subway. This will be a gold mine. They open it in a location that's no that's no good for them or is too close to an existing subway. And then they're fucking up to their ears and debt. That happens to a lot of these these franchisees. So I mean, I would say I have a true real update. Mom just came back downstairs.

She's back on the treadmill again. I don't know. Wow. Two days. Two days. Is it hell week? Leg day, leg day in the basement. It is hell week starting tomorrow.

Oh, boy. We're just getting political again. Oh, no. Now we've done the show. We've done the show a couple of times. Is this our third episode and the third subway episode? I want to say we've actually talked about subway a little bit on our old episodes. You talked about it for sure that it's your wife's favorite chain.

She probably still gets it three times a week. Wow. This is her regular lunch spot. She has a couple of subway stories and not, of course, the HBO series of short subway stories, but rather her own personal stories from her life. Have I told them on here? I've definitely told them on a podcast. One is not really a story.

She just ate their next to Matt Barnes. Wow. And then one is that have I talked about the time that she was recognized? She was recognized as a sweet green, actually. And so the story goes that she went into a sweet green to get a salad and the woman behind the counter was like, God, you look so familiar and was like staring at her. And Grace went into this like, oh, God, what actress is she going to say I look like? You know, just like so sure.

It's like, yes, I get it sometimes. Some people say Jennifer Garner. I don't know, you know, like, and sort of started being ready to be kind of gracious about what the woman was going to say. And the woman went, do you go to the subway on South Beverly? And she's like, yeah, I work there as well. And so she goes to subway so much and she was like, two and a fish with Swiss cheese, right?

Oh my God. I thought she was going to get pointed out with an actress's name instead of she got called two and a fish with Swiss cheese. Wow. I love that. That's, that's, hey, Nick, I've said this to you before. When, when I used to go to the birthday boys house when we were, when we were a sketch group working on sketches, everybody knows this feeling of working on sketches late into

the late hours, burning the midnight oil and making sketches. The subway was open 24 hours. And that was a place that you go and it's, and it's not that for a sandwich. People get mad at me because they think I'm saying subway is healthy, which I get that a loaf of bread isn't healthy. Right. But comparatively, it's not fried. It's a, it's, it's not bad for you.

Right. It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a better option, I feel like. It depends on how you value carbs, but I will certainly say you can get something that, you know, you can get something that's got like more vegetables in it than you can. It may be like a Carl's Jr. Hardee's. And it's also the only place that is as advertised in terms of nutritional value. They did that thing where they slurried up the food from all these different places and they like tested it for the calories and stuff.

And subway is what it says it is. And almost every other chain is more, is more. Wow. That's very interesting. Well, there you go. I like that. Well, we should get a truth in advertising, but we should get into our orders here. And now Sean, you mentioned your wife's enthusiasm.

I assume she went with you when you got your subway. She went, well she, yeah, she goes very often and is frustrated with me because I, I basically never eat there. My backstory with subway, again, maybe repeating this, but I worked, I worked at a dry cleaner in Cheshire, Connecticut, sometimes in New Haven, but mostly at the drop shop in Cheshire for on and off for about maybe four years total. And right next door to the dry cleaner was a subway. So one of my friends from high school, my buddy Chip had worked at that subway all through

high school. We would hang out there all the time. We'd like play cards and eat subway sandwiches there. And then I also became friends with everyone who worked there because he worked there. So the manager there would give me free sandwiches. So because the sandwiches were free, I ate lunch there every single day, like five days a week. I went to work at the dry cleaner.

I walked over. I walked next door to subway. And I, and I started getting crazy with the menu. Like I'd be like, I guess I'll try the barbecue pork rib because I've never seen anyone order it, but I've eaten everything else here. And at least it will taste different. But I burned through like I had, you know, I got turkey sandwiches a lot and then I like couldn't eat the turkey anymore.

Then I got a meatball sub all the time and then I just couldn't eat it anymore. You know, the smell of a subway is so specific, like the smell of the bread in there. There's something weirdly artificial about it. And it got to this point where like when I smelled subway sandwiches, I just, it was the opposite of feeling hungry. And it served me well for a long time, but I just couldn't eat it anymore. So then I stopped and then of course I married someone who eats it constantly and she'd be like, well, now we have to do lunch separate because you just won't eat subway.

So she did go and get it for me. She got her sandwich and my sandwich and she also brought back a specialty cookie. There was a cookie that was like a fudge, like a brownie caramel cookie was kind of the idea. So it was like chocolate with caramel on it and she walked in and I immediately started being like, well, you know, I don't really like chocolate. She was like, yeah, but you're doing a podcast. There was only one special cookie.

So I thought like, why don't you talk about the special cookie that they have? So I'm trying to help you. And I was like, right, it's just that you're married to me and you know that I don't really eat chocolate. And then what happened? So that, well, let me, two things happened. One is I took a bite of it and she said, how is it? And I said, it's not bad.

I would never eat it, but I do think it's good. So she already is kind of mad at me because I'm trolling her. Then I took a bite of the sandwich and I went, this is a good sandwich. And I ate the whole foot long and I really enjoyed it. And she was like, I would say I've eaten at some way at least 250 times that you either got lunch separately or like made me stop somewhere else so that we could eat different things at the whole time you would have liked the same way. So she's mad.

Then then I showed up at the same time. Hayes walks up Hayes is coming up the driveway with my Patriot check in hand. That's in his right hand and his left hand. He's holding a bag of cookies for me. Cookies that were cooked by Kevin T. Porter. They are Kevin Bacon cookies. They're delicious. He hands them to me.

And what do you think is not in any of the nine cookies that Hayes has brought to give to me? No chocolate. No chocolate. There's no chocolate. I pulled the chocolate ones out. Wow. It was as if he knew the conversation we had been having in my kitchen where I was infuriating

my lovely wife and came up with just the perfect nail in the coffin. So yeah, Hayes is my true partner. My wife, beautiful, wonderful woman. I don't deserve her. She deserves someone better than me, obviously. Yeah. But also she must be happy. I would never eat that.

She must be happy that you're in Massachusetts for a stretch. Yes. I mean, I think her life is significantly improved by me leaving. I have a subway wife as well. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. It's where when we go on like road trips and stuff, I also hate the store stinks. It's not this like the smell of the sandwiches at all.

It's a completely different smell. Smells like shit. I hate it. The worst one. You know the one in downtown LA that's in the Bradbury building, like the Blade Runner building? I didn't know there was a subway there. It's right across the street from Grand Central Market.

It overpowers the like sizzling meats and all the like very strong smells from Grand Central Market. All you can smell is this disgusting subway. Yeah. What is it? Yeast? Is it the yeast? It's just fake smell.

It's just smell. It's not real anything. Yeah. And they, but we have a couple of subways. There's one if we go to like Yosemite, which we go to every couple of years. There's one on the way back in a town called Oakhurst that we always go to. My most vivid growing up subway memory is. Is that near Copperopolis?

Is it near Copperopolis? Sure. On the crew trip in high school to Georgia. Hey, I want to, I took a crew trip to in college to Georgia to Athens. Wow. This was Gainesville, I think. Oh, okay. Gainesville, Georgia.

Because in, I know in Massachusetts you can't do the, you can't do the crew. And it's too icy. You have to go down there. And so on the crew trip, I. They're two hours apart. Okay. So you lied. I ate a whole sweet onion chicken teriyaki, which was new.

This was when I was eating meat. This was, it was new at the time. I remember. It has stayed on the menu. I remember it was like a big deal that they were launching this sandwich. It's had real staying power. It was delicious. I vividly remember what it tasted like.

Then I had a really tough crew practice, threw it up in the grass. Oh no. And I remember so distinctly what that tasted like. Mm-hmm. It's like seared into my, into my buds. Mm-hmm. Uh, but it's a, it's, we go to Subway. Let me talk a little bit more about my wife at Subway.

So one thing. It's going to go back and forth like this. It's always going to need to be. And I can stop it whenever I want, because if I do one more when Sean's done, then he will do one more again. But it's, I will call it quits after this. I'm tapped out. Just so you know.

Yeah. But get, but jump back in. So, uh, so I, um, I will sometimes have to like, I'll be out picking up whatever I'm getting for lunch and then I'll have to get her Subway sandwich. And I, I, it gives me anxiety, um, because she orders pretty, I guess it's not that specific, but she, she has an order because you asked about the bread being toasted. She wants the bread toasted by itself first. Right.

Then put the, um, then put the tuna and cheese on that. There's like, there's like three steps that are specific that I have to remember. And I have to say to do it in the order. Something about me is like, when I go to a restaurant, if I'm reading, if there's like something I really want, but it would require one substitution or me asking for any kind of change. And then there's something that I only kind of want, but I can order it as is. I'll always, always order the thing as is because I get so much anxiety about asking

anyone at a restaurant to change anything. I'm with you. And so like, that's why I just live my life always being kind of unhappy because I'm just like, I don't want to ask for what I actually want. And then you want it really bad. You want it more than most people. I, I crave things in a very specific way, but I don't know how to ask for it. And I'm so afraid also that they wouldn't get it or wouldn't like me for it.

Yeah. Then meanwhile, and nobody does like me anyway. Like I do all these things that I think I'm accommodating them. And then the reaction is always like, get the fuck away from me. I was like very specific demands of like, you have to toast the bed first and then you do this and then you do this. And everybody likes her everywhere we go. Because here's why, here's why you are not asking them for something, but as a result,

you are mad at them. She is asking them for something, but is grateful. It's a gesture of like mutual love and respect. You are not. It's healthy communication. She's saying, this is what I would like from you. They're saying that's easy for me to do. Yeah.

In fact, it's what I do. She's going, thank you so much. And then they're going like, this is nice. And I'm going in and going like, I guess I'll just take this. And you're in it. They're like, and they go, here you go. And I go, oh, great. Thanks.

And they're like, is there some other time that I dealt with this person that has led to this? And it's like, no, it's this. It's just this. Mm hmm. Well, Sean, I have a solution for you. And it's what how what I used to order my meal is the subway app. I was going to get into the app.

I will say the app is pretty decent. The only, the only thing to know the only. I'm going to disagree with you. I thought the app was good. I'll say one app, one gotcha with the app. And I'll also say this because I'm contrasting it mentally with. Oh, he's putting the app on blast people. There's one gotcha, which is make sure you have the right location tagged before you

start putting your order in. Because user error. Empty your entire cart. If you change locations, what's not every app will do. Okay. So once you change locations, it just empties your entire cart. And that can be frustrating with a chain like subway where you're doing, you know, a lot of customizations generally.

Here's the thing about some ways that it is fun. The plus side of subway is that, and this is unfortunate for you, Sean, is that it's fun to build your sandwich. And you can say just a little bit more of that and just a little of this and that. And that's fun. You know, that's. I don't want to do that. I get it.

That makes me anxious. I get it. And it is very annoying the way that that works in subway, but everyone at subway does it. It's not that big of a deal. And people. No, that's why they're artists. You know, I mean that, and you know, they're not just sandwich makers. Like that, that, that is the, the role.

And I know that like when it was my buddy Chip making it, we'd be experimenting all day. I throw some of this on there. Hey, try putting the marinara sauce on the pepperoni. Like, what are we doing? Let's have fun. But now I don't have any friends that work there. And, you know, when I am there, I just feel like I'm on foreign soil. And, and I.

You have enemies. Yeah. You know what's fun about being named Chip and working at a sandwich shop? No. Is that you got, they're selling chips too. And then also specifically at Subway, they got cookies. So you got like chocolate. Chocolate chip.

I said it first. Yeah. With the, with the reach of this show, uh, Wager, maybe you could solve something for my wife. She's very upset that they no longer sell the blue bag of sun chips at Subway. Yeah. I'm not sure exactly what's going on there. They just have the orange bag.

At least that was my experience. You got the orange bag. Yeah. We had to get the orange bag. But she wants the blue bag. Yeah. I don't know why they just have the one. Were they out?

Were they, were they sold out at your local? No, it's been a while. It's been like a year since they've had them. They've really limited their, their chip offerings. They don't have a lot. They basically have baked lays. They have the orange sun chips. They have, uh, nacho cheese Doritos.

And I think Miss Vicki's jalapeno. I think that's basically their entire chip selection. Uh, well, I got cool ranch trios, but I'm going to get into my order right now. Please do. I went to the Subway in Quincy on Quincy Avenue, right? Where, uh, strawberries, do you remember the, the strawberries, uh, uh, CD store, uh, music store? Absolutely.

That's where it was right. The strawberries was right here, uh, back when I was a kid. And I think of Bradley's or something, but, but, uh, now we have strawberries across the street from a coconut. The two dueling fruit based record stores. Wow. Yeah. That's a, we, no surprise they didn't make it.

That's bananas. Okay. This is what he does. This is what he does. The assassin. Um, he knows when to fold them as well. I'll say. I've got a shot.

I've got a queen shot. There, there's the, and the Bradley's is now a can man, uh, uh, which is an, an Asian supermarket. Have you ever been there? Wags. Can man. Yeah. Can man.

A very cool, uh, supermarket, but no, I haven't been there. It's an LA. No, it's, uh, well, I don't know. I, I thought it was a, I thought it was a line of super, I think it's a line of super. I just want to say, I could detect a little bit of like Mitch's discomfort with an idea, the idea of an Asian supermarket that he's over compensated for. Are you picking that up? He's trying to be so cool with it where it's like, and to me, that's actually good.

It's like very cool place. It is. It is a very, it's actually awesome. I wasn't scared. This is right where the strawberries is now gone as well, but there's a subway right in this little section here and, and, and almost all of my, I don't think I've ever, I maybe have never gotten strawberries and put up a can man store. Don't it all, we seem to go.

I, um, I've, uh, first of all, can man is a very cool supermarket. I've never, I've never, I've never, I just feel like he's gotten there. Yeah. It took a minute, but like he has reached this, this relationship with it. I, I don't think I've ever eaten subway in Quincy that I can ever remember. I don't even know if I've had it once in Quincy. Do you remember that for sure? And so I, if you can't remember, then you didn't do it.

I don't think I, I really don't think I did the first, my first real experience with Subway, we got it out when we were a family trip to Vegas. We got on the road and I didn't like it. I hated subway when I had it. And then when I went to college, there was like a subway and I lived in the towers. There was a, there's the two towers and I lived in one of the towers and in between the two towers. Jesus.

There was 9-11 college. I went to 9-11 college. It is true that I, I, and I watched 9-11 in those towers that in, in, in, and I was in New York. It is very strange. And your dormant is easy. My roommate was not Steve Rappers easy. I, I, I imagine that too.

Holy shit. I lived in the East Tower, which was the non-smoking tower and, and there was the West Tower as well. And in between the two towers, there was a subway, but it was, it wasn't, it was, it was subway sandwiches, but it was not called specifically a subway, but it was subway. And that was like the first time I ever had the, like the bread that they bake there and those, and that stupid little see-through oven and all that stuff. And I think I just got used to it.

And then when I went to L.A. The see-through aspect of it, he hates, he's like, don't show me that. Hey, can you just like, can you just put something in front of that? I have no issues. A little decorum. I have no issues seeing the bread rise in there. I don't have an issue with that. I hate the way it smells.

Like you guys are saying, I, I, and I don't, I don't love subway. I never have loved them, but then I got used to them there. I got used to them in California. There was one, I lived on Citrus Avenue, South Citrus Avenue, right off of, right there near Wilshire and right. And so Wilshire and basically Highland, there's that little food, there's that little food court there. There's this fat burger and an El Pollo, El Pollo loco and then a subway.

And I eat, I ate subway more than any of them. I had subway three or so times a week. So I used the app. I ordered up a Buffalo chicken sub, which they've, they've had before it's come in and out of rotation. I got that. So I got a foot long of that on, on white, on Italian bread toasted pepper jack cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, red onions, banana, peppers, ranch.

And then I made it a meal with a Diet Coke and some cool ranch Doritos. And then I also got myself a Chipotle, Southwest steak and cheese signature wrap. And that's tomato and basil wrap, Monterey cheddar, shredded, lettuce, tomatoes, green peppers, red onions, jalapenos and Chipotle, Southwest. I just got it the way it came. I'd never had one before. And I always thought that the hot subs at subway were like bad unless I usually just get a turkey sub toasted.

But Nick, that steak and cheese wrap was actually pretty good. Wow. It was tasty. And I'm going to say the Buffalo chicken sub was downright delicious. It was good. I enjoyed it. Wow. I, I, I mean, it wasn't great.

It wasn't like a great meal, but it was, it did the job. Like Jersey Mike's, which we did recently is so much better, right? I think it's in another category, but it sounds like you had a positive experience. I had a positive experience. It got the job done. It was, it was good enough. There was curbside pickup, but I got to Subway and I felt bad that I didn't want them to come out to my car.

So I went in and you went all the way in there. So I went behind and endangered their lives. No, no, it's okay. I'll come in. Wait. That's illegal. No, no, no. It's all right.

I went behind the counter. I took, I took some of that subway wrapping paper. I put it over that see-through oven. I grabbed my order and I got out of there, but I, but I, I, I, the whole, the whole process was easy. The, the, the food is like not great. It is sea. It's a sea, it's a sea meal, but, but the steak and cheese was better than I had ever had

it there. And it was, it, cause they like microwave a lot of their meats there and they're usually bad. Yes. But it was, I don't know. The hot, the hot sandwiches are, can be pretty dicey. And that is why I, I do agree with my wife's method of having them toast the bread separately. I toasted the bread and the cheese on mine and then had the cold cuts added afterwards.

And it was really, it was quite good. And I think if I had had them toast the whole thing, it would have, you know, you just basically be microwaving your salami or whatever. It's not a good way to eat it. Boy, they got those toasted, those toasting ovens in there real quick. I mean, Quizno's had like, it's toasted. That was their big gimmick. And then Subway, like within a year had toasting ovens in all their restaurants.

It was really impressive. This is what Mr. Wonderful talks about on Shark Tank, where he just says like the big guys are going to squish you like a cockroach, like the, you know, this is the, you know, you can do it, but if it's not proprietary, they're just going to swoop in and do it better. Right. And they did. And where's Quizno's? And where's Quizno's?

Where's Blimpy's, man? I ever tell you guys about the guy I worked with. So when I was cleaning cooling towers, I worked with this guy, Tony. And one day he was like, I'm leaving, like I'm leaving you chumps. I got a better job. And we were like, holy shit, what are you doing? And he said, well, my cousin bought a Blimpy's. Wow.

And we were like, okay. And he's like, I'm going to be the manager at Blimpy's. Wow. And he was like, it's going to give me 50,000 a year. I've got a company car. He's like, I'm moving to DC to do all this. And we were like, holy shit. And he was listing all these perks he was going to get for managing the Blimpy's.

And my boss was like, he'll be back. Well about three months later, I went to work a job and Tony was on the crew with us. But I said, Tony, what happened with your cousin? And all he said was, he got brand new on me. Wow. And that was it. We never spoke about it again. But Tony was a born again Christian and we would room together when we went to work jobs

in out of state and he would try to convert me every night for like an hour before bed. Did it never took? The tactics were effective where he would say, I would say, oh, you know, Tony, I appreciate it, but I just don't think I need to sort of do exactly what you do to, you know, I think I can sort of, the ideas of being like morally good, I agree with them. I think maybe I can do it in my own way and he'd say, that's fine, but when you die and God looks you in the eye and says, I sent my soldier Tony down there to save you. He told you exactly what you needed to do and you denied it.

What's your answer going to be? And Tony will be standing there like, I told him, but maybe I'll say, I'll see Tony in the down escalator and I'll say, Tony, what happened? He'll say, God got brand new. We'll be back with more dough boys. Welcome back to dough boys. We are here with Sean and Hayes from Hollywood Handbook and the Flagrant Ones talking about Subway.

Sean, you were saying your sandwich was good. I really liked my sandwich. Yeah, I got a spicy Italian with Swiss cheese, lettuce, oil and vinegar on wheat bread. I got the bread and cheese toasted and I, you know, I took the whole dang thing down. I got a foot long. I really liked it. It did feel like there was some nostalgia to it because that was my first sandwich I started getting.

I remember when Subway came out, you know, I remember when there were no subways. I remember when we first got a subway in my hometown in this little strip mall and I would, that was my first sandwich I would get there is I would always get the spicy Italian. So it took me back a little bit to being, you know, in the stop and shop sort of strip mall parking lot where my sister almost got into a fist fight with the kid who hit me with a pickup truck when I was in eighth grade. We, you know, we had a lot of memories at that subway and then later the one with Chip and all of it.

So there was a lot of memories brewing up for me inside that pepperoni, salami, Swiss cheese, lettuce, oil and vinegar, wheat bread sandwich that I had. That's what, you know what, now that time has gone on, I don't think that Subway is good, but there is a small attachment to it. There's a place for Subway, Nick. I mean, yeah, I think it has its spot, but Hayes, let's hear about your sandwich. What did you get and what did you think? All right.

So I had to order my food. Yes. I mistimed it, I had a big zoom last night and I was like, oh, I got to eat this thing. And so I had, someone had to go get my food for me. I put their, like, someone's life was endangered for this, adding to just the freaking dough boy's body count. And so I just Google, like, yeah, I don't, like, order Subway, like, how do you do it? And it's like, oh, it's on Postmates, and I have the Postmates app, but I probably haven't

used it for like two years. And so I pull it up and I'm ordering, I'm going to order two, two any fish, footlongs, because I'm never sure exactly what I want on it, and I'm like, this would be a good opportunity to test two different kinds, I don't have to eat like both of them. And I order one, I consider like more of a tuna sandwich and one is more of a melt. I get tuna with Swiss cheese and just like base, you know, lettuce, tomato, oil and vinegar, pickles, onions, salt and pepper. And the other is with Monterey Cheddar, which is what they call cheddar cheese there, it's

Monterey Cheddar, and I get, I don't get green peppers on that one, but I do get it on the other one. That's one difference between tuna sandwich and tuna melt for me is having green peppers. And now I'm getting hungry, because I've spent so much time on this thing, I really want to eat it. And I get to the end with Postmates, and it says your account is suspended, we'll send you an email for how to get it back, and I don't even get the email. My account is like unsalvageable, and I'm like, what happened?

What's going on here? When did I last use this? And I go to my order history, and my most recent order was in August of 2019 from a place called Dan Dan's Gwelyn Rice Noodle, a place where I have never heard of or had the food. Oh yeah, sorry about that. Okay, so let me tell you what happened here. This is a place, they ordered it from Rose Mead to go to Pasadena, and then this order was A1 house hot and sour beef rice noodle soup with the addition add sour green bean

soup with very mild spicy. And then again, A1 house hot and sour beef rice noodle soup, add sour green bean malwa. This is what it shows up in my order. It was delivered, but apparently the interaction went so bad once they got there that my Postmates account is permanently shut down. Wow, what happened? It doesn't say, they don't give the note, the person went all the way out there, the food was delivered, the two, you know, I'm sure they were like, I didn't order, you think

I ordered this exact same thing twice? This is a mistake, but I don't know why they, I mean, like they're using my card. So I don't... Someone hacked your account to order something? Someone hacked my account, they ordered two of the same soup with sour green bean, and it has completely disabled my Postmates account. So we'll go on Subway and Subway, the Subway site has you use DoorDash, had a great ordering experience, the delivery person was very accommodating, I ordered baked lays, which are my favorite,

but they didn't have... You're supposed to be using Chow Now, you're supposed to be using Chow Now, but it actually is totally fine. Why? Because of a tip thing? Here's the thing about Postmates. Postmates doesn't let you tip in advance. I don't want someone driving around being like, is this going to be a total waste of

time for me? I want them to know that it's all fine, it's going to be fine, but Postmates will not let you do it until after it's been delivered, but DoorDash did, which I appreciated. All these companies are horrible. The fucked up orders I've tipped on. I mean, I'm not here to get credit for anything. Of course. The absolute disasters I've tipped on.

I toasted my sandwiches at home, my two Toony Fish footlongs. I definitely liked the cheddar one better. I wasn't really picking up the Swiss cheese that much. Wait, what was your home toasting process? I fucked it up. I ended up with the exact kind of... So lighter. Didn't you use a lighter and a hairspray can?

I was like freaking Marvin to home alone. I got the exact kind of bread result that I hate, which is bread that was just crunchy and no give and just explodes everywhere as I bite into it, but the cheddar one was definitely better and I did end up eating 20 inches of Toony Fish and basically all at once and then the other four inches like maybe 40 minutes later or something like that. So I took down two whole feet of the Toony Fish. I enjoyed it a lot. How do you stay so lean?

Boy, I mean, and I've come on this show twice and just like gorge myself. Yeah. I've been running a lot, so that's why I say like, oh, I gotta eat this. I'll die if I don't eat all this Toony Fish. You need fuel. I mean, you need fuel in the tank. High performance automobile we're dealing with here, so yeah, we're going to need a little extra freaking gas.

Well, Weiss and I are a couple of clunkers. Yeah. So I got... Obama's like, you can trade in your dough boys for... He's saying that now? Yeah. He's saying that now. Yeah.

Wow. Now he's saying that to the Netflix executives. I got the Veggie Delight Signature Wrap, which is a spinach wrap. I got it with white American cheese. I like their white. I actually like the Subway American cheese. They're white American cheese. I think it's good.

And I got... I added avocado. I like white Americans. That's in the drop. Oh boy. And that's for you. That's for you, the fans. What have I gotten myself into?

Not me saying it. Him. In addition to that, the insides, the veggie insides are spinach, tomatoes, cucumbers, green peppers, red onions. And I added banana peppers and chipotle southwest dressing because I'm something of a heat seeker as well as pepper. This wrap was good. I honestly like...

I was comparing this to if I just got a wrap at a grocery store that was like pre-packaged because I was like, that's basically what I'm expecting. This was better than that. It was like, this is a very solid lunch. This was just like a right down the middle lunch. The chipotle southwest sauce I thought was quite nice and the avocado seemed reasonably fresh. I thought this was well composed and a decent wrap and pretty light.

I cannot say the same about the protein bowl, which is a thing they've been pushing right now. Yeah. It looks gross. It was awful. They have this low carb option protein bowl, which is basically just a salad with a bunch of protein dumped on top, mostly meat. But in my case, I got the veggie patty and I don't know if anyone here has had the subway

veggie patty, but I found it vile. It's just a room temperature, just like, just disc of ambiguous solid. It's just, it's very, and the color is very unappealing. It's like weirdly like barf orange. There's so many good substitutes for proteins now, like the beyond and the impossibles. But even going back to the Boca burger, which was two generations ago, this is like sub Boca burger. It's a really, really unappealing patty.

Is it supposed to simulate more of like a salsit, or is it supposed to be like a beef burger type? It felt closest to like a meatloaf, but I don't know. I just don't, yeah, it definitely was less burger-y and more like some sort of seasoned meat, and it was pretty bad. And then I got a bunch of veggies on that. I also got the, this is a thing you should know about the protein bowl. I expected the dressing on the side.

That dressing is not on the side. They just dumped that on top. So I had a big soupy sweet onion slash subway vinaigrette, you know, kind of mash when I got home. And I walked there to pick it up and walked back, so it did not travel particularly well. This was a pretty bad thing that I threw away most of. But the wrap was great. Sun chips were good.

And hey, how about those subway cookies? I mean- I got a couple cookies myself, Nick. Their cookies are good. I got the double chocolate cookie. I got the raspberry cheesecake cookie, which is, I don't particularly like that flavor. That mix of flavors, but it's still a good execution of it. I think the double chocolate was-

I like my Hayes cookies. I like my Hayes cookies. I like my cookies from Hayes. I have all these. I like the way Hayes brings them, but he got me a cinnamon one that I really like. I have so many Kevin Porter cookies sitting around. I did not get any more cookies. Guys, if I look distracted at all during Nick's story, I apologize.

I did like hearing about the order, but I am also ordering my dinner. As it is, Mitch. How exciting. Just about dinner time. It's dinner time here. Are you ordering from one of Mitch's restaurant picks? I don't even know what I'm doing yet. I honestly opened up an app to start being like, oh, is there anything here I want to

get? Mitch, have you done this? I was surprised to see all of the Cheers Boston locations on his list. Even one would be sort of weird, but to have like the Faniel Hall one, the Airport one. Yeah. You got to get in at the Faniel Hall one before it closes is what I thought. That's a huge issue with them. Weird.

They're about to shut down. Oh, actual shut down. Oh, God. Mitch, what I'm seeing here, what's being pushed to me is Eataly Boston by this app. Interesting. I haven't. I mean, Eataly's are good, but I've never had it. Yeah, they are pretty good, right?

Do we all like Eataly? People like Eataly's. I've never eaten there, but people love Eataly's. Yeah. I mean, it's like a fun, when you used to be able to go to places, like a fun thing to go to, because it's like a big market that's also got hot food stands. Yeah. But I wouldn't think of it as like a restaurant you could like order, just get a little tiny

pizza from. No, me neither. Yeah. It's like has restaurants inside it. Yeah. It's like ordering a Whole Foods Takeout or Whole Foods Delivery. But I've done that. You have done that.

Sean, what are you in the mood for tonight? Pizza? I was, I kind of got tricked into maybe getting a little pizza there. Yeah. I guess I want a nice pizza. Well, you got a couple of bar pizzas. There's places where you can get bar pizza around here. There's a Fowler house and a few other places where you can get some bar pizza in Quincy.

Okay. That's your favorite Fowler house? It's not my favorite. Fowler, I don't know why I can't say it right now, F-O-W-L-E-R, Fowler house, Fowler house. And then there is a, hey, Balduchis, right? It's not far from your Balduchis. Sean, you can get Balduchis. I'm not trying to geolocate you, but no, yeah, Balduchis, you can get some good buffalo

fingers. They got decent pizza. They got great pizza. I love it. And then also Montilio's has a good pizza. Good buffalo fingers. There you go. Now you're speaking my language.

They're good. I know this is impossible because I know where you are, but how amazing would it have been if Mitch was like, you're in the mood for pizza? Look outside your window. He was down there with a hand, a promised hand. Eddie popped up with his special pizza that he made. Oh my gosh, Mitch. What a moment.

It's like, it's like the patio door of his place. Nick's, this is the place you love, huh? Mitch. Nick's Nick's. Yeah. Is it on Granite Street or Granite Ave? Let me see. Because they have a great Greek salad.

This says Blue Hill Ave. Hmm. That might not be the right one. There might be there because there might be another Nick's. Hmm. Hmm. Well, we don't have to do all this on the podcast. No, this is good.

Well, we don't have to do all the podcast. Okay, well. That's what you do, right? I got an oatmeal, I got an oatmeal raisin cookie and a chocolate chip cookie. Hmm. But my mom thought that they, we split the cookies, my mom and I, and my mom thought they were undercooked. Why?

Because that was her assessment of them. She says cookies are. Interesting. I liked them both. I thought the cookies were pretty good. The generational thing. I like that they're all soft. Yeah.

Yeah, it could be. Well, we should get to our final thoughts on Subway. So you both are veterans of the show, but to recap, we'll go around one by one, give our closing arguments for this chain, and then end by giving it a fork score from zero to five. Clem dog, we'll begin with you. Okay. So the four, so, so hang on.

Yeah. So what do I have to do, Nick? Just kind of say, kind of sum up your thoughts and then give it a fork score. I know we've done it before, but just, you ran through it so fast. You have to admit it. Okay, I'm sorry. Like it's, and it's kind of a complicated. So just like, what is it actually?

Right. It's really just two things you need to worry about. You just sort of say, here's like a few sentences of thoughts. Sum it up. Sum it up. And then I'm going to conclude this by saying, this paragraph by saying a fork rating. For instance, if it's right down the middle, I give it three out of five forks. Okay.

Yeah. Hey, Sean. I guess I have to give it three out of five forks. Well, no, you're not beholden to that. It has to be that number of sentences that you use to, that you sum it up with. I mean, you don't have to count how many sentences you're saying. Okay. But you do have to count this other thing.

I'm just going to give it a general guidelines. Yeah, you do have to, the forks are like a numerical score. So that's, that's great. Okay. You act like it was crazy to like think that you're counting the sentences, but then in the next thing you are counting something, right, yeah, forks, right, which apparently the counting number is three. So Nick has assigned me my rating of three out of five forks.

And honestly, I feel pretty good about it. Wow. Hey, Sean, it is basically that's a C, which is what Mitch said it should be. In terms of summing it up, Mitch reminds us that sometimes you can stay home again. I thought my subway days were behind me. I thought it was all in the past, but really what I needed was a healthy amount of distance. And with that, I was able to remember some of what made me fall in love with subway in the first place.

The convenience, the consistency, the third thing with con, con, con, control, the level of control, I crave control. Sean, it's on Granite Street, Nick's, and it is, you can get it through Grubhub just to let you know. Nick's pizza. You're supposed to use Chow Now. Oh, sorry. Chow Now.

You can use it. You can probably get through Chow Now, but a Greek salad, very good. A Greek salad and then some pizza, you'd be having a good time. And Mitch knows like what you're supposed to do. He knows that you are supposed to go inside the store. These tiny little stores, the people working there want you to go inside. They don't want to go all the way outside. You come in.

The curbside pickup was good, but these, should Hayes go or should I go? I'll go first and then Hayes. That's where we're going to switch it up. Wow. Nick, subway's not great, right? I mean, it needs a new mascot. All of that stuff. It needs a new plan because Lovitz is gone and so is Jared.

They're both gone. It needs a new, it needs, it needs someone sort of new, it's just kind of boring right now, isn't it? They had the $5 foot long song for a while, but I think economically they can't really do that as much anymore and they haven't really found another earworm. It is, but also subway is kind of boring in a good way too. We were talking today that you took a picture of the subway, which yours was completely empty.

That's right. Never seen that before. It was a very tidy, nice looking subway, but the interior just kind of looks old and depressing, doesn't it? It just kind of looks like a depressing place now, but I mean, how do they fix that? That's a huge project. I would rather get DeAngelo's, which is near Sean. There's a DeAngelo's that you could go to for that's a sub shop.

DeAngelo's is better, Jersey Mike's I like better, but in a pinch, Subway's good. The cookies were good. I liked my fountain drink. I liked my two sandwiches were good. And you know, this is the first time that I may be, I'm thinking between 3.25 and 3.5. Wow. I think I'll go 3.25 forks. Three forks one time.

It's good. From Mr. Slice. How about that? The slice was right. It did a good job for me this time. I think the app is something interesting. The slice was right. I think the app is...

You mean that you're right? Mr. Slice. You mean by saying the slice is right, that you're right? Yeah. I'm right with the score. But you ate it. Okay. It's not a slice at all.

No, no. Well, the sub is... What are you eating? The sub is cut in two. So in a way, it was... There is a slice. It was sliced. Yeah.

Okay. That's a good addition. But also, don't you like to go in and kind of Frankenstein up your sandwich? And also, the curbside pickup just seems... It just seems impossible for the people who are working by on the counter. It is what it is, but sometimes it tastes pretty good, Nick. Three forks in one time. The slice is right.

Hayes is now time for your review. To quote John Lovitz as Jay Sherman, this chain had me saying for many years, it stinks. I hate the stinky smell of the store. It does smell awful. But when I eat the food, I do say hachimachi. I can't really complain. I ate those two big sandwiches. I didn't even really feel sick.

I give it three and a half with a bullet, and it's never really done. I've eaten there a good number of times now. It has never really done me bad. Wow. Wow. Three forks two times. We're ballpark buzzing. We got the ladder going here, Wags.

Yeah. Unfortunately, I think I'm going to be down a few rungs because I do have to deduct some points for that veggie patty protein bowl, which was just massacre bowl. It was really, really truly bad. It looks horrible. It was really bad. I think the protein bowls are misfire. I also have to say from a purely vegetarian standpoint, if you are someone who eats fish,

I think that them obviously having tuna, I think their tuna is very solid. That's a great option that you don't have really an equivalent at a lot of other fast food chains. That's in its favor if you're a pescatarian. If you're not eating fish and you're not eating meat, I still think their regular veggie delight with their cheese and you add some avocado was a pretty solid option, whether you get that on bread or whether you get that wrapped. I prefer the Jersey Mike sandwich, their version of a veggie sandwich, but this is still a

decent one. That said, I think just the existence of your Jersey Mike's and your firehouses. There are more national chains now that are just better. That are just a better tier of sandwich. For that reason, I'm going to go just a little bit lower. I'm going to say this is two forks, two tines, two and a half forks is my assessment, but we are ballpark buds. We're all in the same general framework here, Mitch.

So you give it an F. No, that's not an F. If three is a C, two and a half isn't an F. It's a 50. It's a 50. It's an F. Well, then three is also an F, if that's what we're doing. That's a 60. No, that's a D.

That's a D minus. Yeah. Okay. So that's a D. Literally a D minus. Okay. I said three was a C earlier. That was a mistake I made.

Nobody busted my ass on it, but I am now going to join the party and kick your happy meal ass up and down Main Street for saying that a two wouldn't be an F. Obviously, a two is an F. And me saying that a three was a C actually made sense. Numerically, it didn't, but everyone knew what I meant. It's right down the middle. I'm saying it's just below, a little bit below, not quite there, but it's just like seeing it on the menu is one in you hear about all the like camera tricks that they used to make food look really appealing in pictures.

Yeah. This is one of the worst looking foods I've ever seen, especially like the one that just has the lunch meat just like resting on top. Yeah. It looks horrible. It looks terrible. If you just look at the menu online of the protein balls, it looks like shit. I noticed that too.

It looks awful. Remember when everyone said that everything there was made out of turkey? Yeah. Was that an urban legend? I don't remember that. Oh, yeah. It was that like every single meat you got, like the ham was made out of turkey and like everything.

It was all made out of turkey and that the bread was made out of turkey. The cookies were turkey cookies. This is what they were saying. I only remember because I'm an old man now, but this is what the kids would say. The one I remember is when they switched to chicken to KFC, they were saying it's because KFC doesn't technically sell chicken anymore. Yeah. What they sell is so technically modified.

They're not allowed to say chicken. They got sued. They're not allowed. Yeah. Because it's actually turkeys. When I'm at Subway, I do tuna, Italian goose meat. It's actually this is goose meat. Tuna, Italian goose meat, Kentucky fried goose meat.

The Colonel must be rolling over in his grave. Do you want the sandwich artist is going down the road and do you want extra goose? Just a little. Just a little bit more goose on. It's not great, but it does the job, Nick. Sure. I think we're all saying the same thing. Like us.

We're similar. We're the subway of podcasts in many ways. It's really true. Hey, on that note, Mitch is going to drink a beverage and say if it's good or not. It's time for a segment. Yes. Mitch is going to get a beverage and decide if it's worth pouring down your throat. It's Spoon Man's or I should say Mr. Slice's sip or ship.

That's right. Mitch, you're going to go retrieve something from the basement fridge. I'm going to go get something from the basement fridge. I'll be right back. All right. Mitch is stepping away. And I just want to say prior to the show, Nick did ask him, do you want to go? Get that.

Yeah. Because we are going to be, we're doing that segment, right? Yes. And Mitch's response was, no, that's okay. But it's really about getting room temp. Yeah. I mean, he was okay with a little bit of a stop. He wanted it to be cold.

Yeah. Chili. That's right. Kevin, where do you stand on Subway? Not really a big fan. We were like a Jimmy John's potbelly family. Oh, Jimmy John's. And mostly for political reasons.

And yeah, I totally agree with you. They don't have a lot of great vegetarian and vegan options. So I stopped eating it outright once I converted. Can I, I speaking, the smell of these places, I once rode the bus next to a guy that had just gotten off of work at Jimmy John's and I was like, this guy smells fucking great. Wow. It probably not like amazing for him to be like carrying the smell that strongly of Jimmy John's.

But I was like, God damn, that smells delicious, this man. I miss the bus. Are you still riding the bus in these days? No, I am not. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't, I haven't been on a bus or a train since March of last year. Used to be almost a daily thing for me.

Yeah. Me neither. It's very strange. What an adjustment. I'm a little bit more generous. Nick, I have some harpoon ale. I got a Duncan dozen. Wow.

So it's basically a bunch of Dunkin' Donuts flavored beers from Harpoon Ale. So we're going to say, you're going to taste 12 beers? Harpoon, no, I'm going to taste four beers. Okay. It's four styles, three H, a harpoon, Duncan dozen. And then on the side here, it says a one dozen beers, which is funny. I think it's fun. I think it's funny.

Yeah. And, uh, and so I'll tell you the three flavors we got here. Okay. All right. Wait, sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm going to get, I'm going to get now.

Oh shit. No. Four. Four flavors. Dozen. The four, the four flavors we got here are, I got a Duncan pumpkin. I got a Duncan Boston cream. Likes.

I got a Duncan jelly donut IPA. Oh boy. And then the last one is a Duncan coffee porter. That's the only one that sounds kind of good to me. I don't really love the gimmick flavored beers in general. Okay. Gently donut beer. Harpoon is great.

I'm sad that they feel like they have to resort to this, this baby stuff. Yeah. This isn't baby stuff. This could be good. This could be fun. We'll see. They're selling this to babies. I'm going to open up once a jelly donut beer is only a baby would want that.

Here we go. I'm opening up the, the Duncan pumpkin right now. It's the Duncan pumpkin. The pumpkin pumpkin. Here we go. Mitch has taken a sip. Porter on himself. Wow.

Strong flavor. Very strong. This, this tastes kind of like a porter too. Every review seems to have some kind of strong flavor. All right. Next drink. Boy, they're two for two with me on strong flavor. This one also, the taste of it is strong flavor wise.

I'm going to say that that, that you can, the pumpkin's not overwhelming. It's just, it's a, it's a thick porter and you can taste a little bit of spice in there, but the, the, the pumpkin, it's, I'm going to say this, it's good. I, I don't like, I don't like pumpkin anything and that is tasty. So you say, you say sip that one. I say sip for that one, which this is the one that I thought would be the grossest. Well, there you go. Well, hey man, hopefully it'll be up from there and you'll have four sips.

That's a nice, hey, you're on a hayride or you're on a haunted hayride in the fall. You have one of those things that I think you'd be enjoying yourself. Um, uh, you really paint a picture. All right. Now here's a Duncan Boston. I don't think you're supposed to have open containers. I guess those are made for children. This is a Duncan Boston cream.

Here we go. Drink it up. You see the Duncan logo all over the can. Yes. Very heavily branded. Sean and Hayes, at both of you from New England, do you ever go to the Duncan donuts outlets that are now out here in LA? I go to the Atwater one every once in a while.

Yeah. I was just talking the other day as I was gearing up to head back here and, um, that I knew I would be getting a lot more Duncan donuts out here. And I was like, oh, I guess they are in LA now. I just don't associate it with that at all. I had them, you know, was the coffee place growing up in New England. And then I did get it from time to time in New York for sure. But I never get it when I'm in LA.

I don't even know where they are. Atwater, I guess Hayes just told me. There's one there. There's one right on Hollywood Boulevard. Um, they, do they have those French crawler donuts that are just like somehow seem like they're empty? You know what I'm talking about? They like, they're so light and airy.

Mm hmm. I've loved those. Duncan donuts has really gone. We talked about it recently. It's, I love it, of course. But they, it just is, it's a very, it's like a, it feels like a subway now more than where before I felt like it, it actually made its own donuts and housed a lot of the restaurants.

Yeah. It definitely feels different. And you don't know like what they're going to have at any given plate. Like you're just like, they're like, there's such a disparity from Duncan donuts to Duncan donut. Like you just walk in and you go, oh, this is a bad one. Yeah. Um, where I feel like that, my memory was not that that would happen.

Or at least not as often. This Boston cream one, a lot of flavor to this one too, Sean. Okay. Now we're talking. Holy shit, man. It's like I'm there in the room with you. This is just like, it just tastes like a lighter porter. It's not, I don't really taste the Boston cream in this one.

There's a little bit of like a vanilla-y flavor to it, but there's just, if you gave me that blindfolded, I would be able to say that the pumpkin was, was some sort of pumpkin drink in the Boston cream. I don't know what I would say. I would just think it was a, a, a porter. Right. Um, a little lighter than the other one, but it's, it's, it's, it's still tasty. I would, I still enjoy the taste of it, but disappointing in the way that it

doesn't just taste like Boston cream as much as I want to. Here is the jelly. What I like about your tasting sessions, Mitch, is that you often bring up a different hypothetical tasting session that we're not doing and how that would go. And even in, but in bringing up that hypothetical, you don't know what you would say. Just a, just the teeniest bit of imagination. And then we hit a brick wall and it's real, that's fun for me. I'm getting, it just doesn't, it doesn't have enough,

it doesn't have enough Boston cream taste to it. What can I say? Real cream. Yeah. It's, it's, it's, it's a nice beer. Harpoon makes nice beers. Hayes, I agree with you that it's, I would drink seven of those and have a great time. I would, I would enjoy it, but it's just not.

There's a dozen donuts in every can of these. Is this correct? This is the jelly donut IPA, which I'm the most excited about. I will say that sounds the grossest. Yeah, it sounds disgusting. I would not, that would not have been the one that I was really attracted to, necessarily. All right.

Here we go. I'm taking a sip right now. Wow. This is really wild. Um, just struggling to keep it together. It, it very much the aftertaste does have like the aftertaste very much has a weird like you just, you had just swallowed a bunch of jelly. It does.

It, it, it sounds pleasant. You do get that. You get the taste of jelly, but like not necessarily the good taste of jelly. Does that make sense? Like, uh, well, like almost as if they put jelly like into a beer where it just doesn't belong. It just, you get like the, like a lot of like high, like it tastes like, yes, like the high sugar of like the, the filmy sugar that's left in your mouth after

you eat a jelly donut. That's kind of what it tastes like. Well, Mitch, you know, almost every micro brewery or whatever has like some version of a pumpkin ale. So like the pumpkin beer combination being kind of pretty good makes sense. And then even a cream. Yeah. Ale is a thing.

It's usually not like Boston cream like sweet, but jelly and beer that you that was the one you were most excited about. Just feel like you didn't think it through. I thought you, I think you, uh, these are two things I like. It's funny because as I'm chugging it, as I chug the beer, uh-huh. Chug, chug, chug. This dude's a fucking animal.

It actually tastes good going down. Uh-huh. It's the aftertaste afterwards. That is just a, um, yeah, it's a weird jelly aftertaste. I know that that's, I know I'm not being descriptive enough. I know I'm failing. No, dude, this is the shell, man. It's supposed to suck shit.

I just like watching my guy chug beers, man. Can't get too tipsy. You should have been in, so you should have been in like some kind of frat movie and your name's like boober. Boober. Boober's going to do the naked chug. Um, uh, there were no frats. Now I finally want to movie.

He's talking about a movie. Yeah. Give me another one. This is the Dunkin' Coffee Porter, man. Okay. Here we go. This is the one Wager's pumped on. This, this one, it looks, it looks, this looks like coffee.

It looks thick, darker color than all of them. Looks like coffee. It looks a little bit like coffee, baby. It's a can, right? Inside the can, Chef Kevin. It's a can, yeah. Coffee's thicker than water. Here we go.

That's a home run. Wow. That's a home run. Wow. Sounds great. That seems like what Dunkin' Donuts would be really good at making drink wise is the coffee. It's, it's, I mean, if you've got to like, you've got to like coffee beer,

but it is, it, it's a home run. It's got the, it's got that Dunkin' Donuts taste to it. I like it. I'm sober, bitch. I know that. I know this. No, I know. It's just interesting.

You chose this for my episode. Kind of like my big episode. And so it's like, let's do the big beer tasting. Let me tell you that the thought 100% did cross my mind when we decided to do this, that John is sober and I support my friend who is sober. A lot of my friends in Quincy are sober. What is that? Hey, I got my own brusky here, man.

And just to let me give the Doughboys plug the bump to these guys. Hop Lark, Hop Tea Company. Wow. They're sparkling hop teas. Hey, that, that's my brusky, man. I'll tell you what, I take down one of these bad boys. I don't need none of that devil sauce. You sit over there and make you act all goofy.

I don't, hey. I've had the hop waters. This is adjacent to a hop water. It's a little hopier. Yeah. Well, I like it a lot better actually. It's, it, it's like with a sparkling like brewed iced tea. So.

Oh, that's fun. It's a little closer to the hop waters. Like a sparkling water with like a hint of the hoppiness of like an IPA, but it's pretty mild and it has its place. But as far as like a beverage, this is the shit. They make a bunch of them. Some of them are to my taste, like the, the chamomile one. I don't, I, you know, I don't like how it doesn't mix with the hops well,

but the black tea, the green tea, the white tea, and they have these new, the tea is silent ones that are, they don't have any caffeine in them at least. And they're brewed with other stuff, but they're really good. I'm going to, I'm going to tell you, I'm going to rank these quickly. Okay. Pumpkin gets number one. So that's a sip. And then so that's a sip.

Coffee, the coffee porter gets number two. Also a sip. The Boston cream gets a threese. Also a sip. And then number four is the Duncan jelly donut IPA. Guess what? Also a sip. All four gets sips.

Despite the aftertaste, you're not shipping it off. You're still sipping it down. I'm sipping it down. There you go. Hey, that was Spoon Man's sipper ship, just like a restaurant. Vow your feedback. Let's open the feedback. Was that fun for you guys?

That was unbelievable. That was my favorite part. Who are you talking to? Is that to your listeners? Spoon Man's sipper ship, man. If you're doing this again, you got to have my ass back down. I got to watch this guy take drinks. So cool.

Is sipper ship a play on clipper ships? It's a play on drank or stank, which is what we do together. Our normal segment when we can all be together. But the way you said it, you said sipper ship, which made me think of clipper ships. Makes me think of the poem that he does in the film Little Man Tate. Oh, I've never seen Little Man Tate. When he goes on the talk show and he steals the dumb kid from his class's bad poem.

Hey, guys, rewatch Little Man Tate. It's a Diane Weest classic. Mother and I are watching Sopranos on a nightly basis. So once that is done, we're on season six now. Wow. We're enjoying it. I'll be eager to hear her thoughts on the finale. Just hit season six.

He's getting tips out of my house. Trying to kill you. Today's email comes from Abigail. Abigail writes, I've noticed that Nick seems to mention the app quality of various fast food chains while Nick doesn't. That's got to be a tie. She must mean Mitch for one of those.

Either way, the question stands, how many fast food apps do each of you have on your phone at any given time and how often do you order from a place before you commit to downloading the app? Sean and Hayes, you know, I'm curious, do you have specific apps for specific restaurants or do you stick to the more general catch-alls? You don't have to bring me into this, man. It's fine.

I'm good. You don't have to do this with me. I'm all good. Just answer the email. You have a... I mean, are you sure? I think we'd like to hear it. Lock yourself out, man.

It's actually fun for me to see you guys answer that. You don't have to do that. I understand the formality, but go ahead. Hey, Sean, a formality. I wanted to know. But if you don't want to, that's fine. Sean, I'll point out something fun. The emailer's name is Abigail.

Abigail Adams lives nearby. She lived nearby in the Adams mansion there with Lurch and Cousinet. Oh, now that's how you bring me into a show. Yeah, we got to talk about Abigail Adams. Have you seen any of the historic sites in Quincy since you've been here? Yeah. Here are the apps I have on my phone right now for food. I have a separate food folder, which includes the Yelp app.

It includes both DoorDash and Chow now, although I never order delivery, but I have them. And then here are the apps I have right now. Not all of these have been used recently. So I've got the Blue Bottle Coffee app. There's a Blue Bottle not too far from where we used to live. I still have that app. I have a Coffee Bean app.

I don't have the Starbucks app. There are more Coffee Beans nearby, and I prefer Coffee Bean. Then I have Domino's, Jersey Mike's, Baja Fresh, Chipotle, which has been a staple for me when I'm ordering, Jamba Juice, Robex Juice, Pizza Hut, Little Caesars, CPK, Mod Pizza, Panera Bread, and the recently downloaded Subway app, which I used for this episode. And I'm probably going to delete.

I also had the Burger King app on here for a while, and I probably should get that back, because that's a pretty decent app. And BK is back. My friend helped make that app. He works for RBI, and they briefly got in trouble, I think, because that was the app that when you walked into McDonald's, it was like, hey, we know you're in McDonald's,

and we go to Burger King now, and you can get a burger. That's funny. That's fun. That's fun. Shouldn't get anyone in trouble. Nick, I'll tell you what apps I got that relate to food on my phone. First of all, I have Open Table. Does that count?

Nope. Absolutely not. Does it have any function under quarantine? Because that's just for making restaurant reservations. I honestly think we have to just end the segment right here, because if that's the question it begins with, I just am not sure we're ever going to get there. Is that a whammy?

An immediate whammy? I think we're done. I mean, just like, do you have any fast food apps on your phone? Does Open Table count? Absolutely not. All right. Grubhub has to count. No.

Sure. No. It doesn't count. It has to be specific restaurants? Yes. Well, that's what the question was. Did you hear your question was that? It's just whether or not you want to answer the question.

Not going to lie. Strong buzz from those beers. I can't even see his app. All right. I got Chipotle, the Chipotle app on my phone. I have the Pizza Hut app. I have Fresh Brothers, Nick. Oh, that's a pretty decent one.

Which, as a West Coast guy, how come you don't have it on there? It's not really here on the East Coast. Now he usually handles the Fresh Brothers order. Interesting. So she's got that taken care of. What a great division of labor. I have the Domino's app. I have the Puppa Geno's app because I am loyal to my coast.

I have... That might be it. Hold on. No, that's not it. Oh, boy. This is taking... I feel like you got to organize your phone. I think this is part of the issue.

I do have seven pages of... I have seven screens. Seven pages. Yeah. McDonald's. You have the app for Robek's juice. Yeah, but I'm using... I got two tight little pages and they're both like half full.

I got McDonald's. I have the McDonald's app, which I can't believe you don't have, Nick. I have the Taco Bell... I don't get McDonald's all that often. I have the Taco Bell app. Good app. Great app. Do you not have it?

No, I don't have... I mean, for me, those are... Taco Bell or Del Taco, for me, are just like drive-thru spots. Those are more impulsive. Can I say one that's going to fuck you up big time right now? Oh, it's going to fuck you up bad. You don't drive. Well, I mean, I can drive.

Brack, but you don't. I will drive. I mean, I'll drive. I drove earlier this week. This sounds fake. Nick, I don't know. I... Nick, this is going to fuck you up.

I have the Lowries VIP app. Oh, yeah. That's a good one. You should have that. I have the Sweet Green app. I have the Duncan app. I have the Panera Bread app. And I have the Subway app.

Those are all my food apps. Hour two. Sorry. Sorry. I... When we're... When we're two minutes away from... From hour two, I have a little warning that goes off.

No, what other apps? Do you have anything non-food related? I mean, now we're into the... We've got seven pages of apps. There must be other stuff on there. All right. Text. So messages, calendar, photos, camera.

Right. Wallet, TV, maps, weather. This is pretty standard still. Yeah. So this is a front page you're on. If you can delete some of those, yeah. I'm kind of interested actually going back to front. Yeah.

What's the least important app? Okay. Subway? Uh-huh. BRBO. Okay, my man. Vacation. Vacation. Getaway.

Getaway. Okay. Wow. Mother and Mitchie are getting a little change of scenery. Movies. A little weekend on the cape. Movies. What is it about Cape Cod that the Soprano season six episodes just hit different?

Movies anywhere is what it was, which I bought the new Lord of the Rings 4K. You can get it on Movies anywhere, which adds it to your other... Like you can add it to your Apple iTunes. Got it. Toast takeout, Prime Video, Printacase, and then OfferUp. Where are those? Jesus.

What are you selling? Toast takeout was something that one place had takeout on Toast takeout. And then Prime Video, you know. Printacase is a thing I bought for my sister to test out for Christmas, where you can print out photos. And then OfferUp was the way I was going to try to get a PS5, but they were all very expensive. Yeah.

Do you want me to keep going? No, I think we should end there. I think we're good. He's selling photos of his sister. Jesus Christ. Nick, end the episode. This has been such a humiliating landing, this back end of this episode. I really felt self-conscious about how bad it is in front of these two outstanding podcasters.

The whole episode? No, just the end of it, like the segment on. I feel like we've did a bad job getting out of it. We were a part of it, too. If we were as talented as you say, we probably would have been able to at least pepper in. We did it on purpose, though. I was dried up. We held all the good stuff back.

Maybe a little bit. I thought of some really funny stuff I'm going to do on Handbook tomorrow. If you have a question or comment about the World of Chain Results, yeah. What part didn't you like at the end? Did you not like the zippership? I thought it was the printacase stuff. No, the printacase stuff was gold. That was good.

I didn't realize that. I'm trying to think of what you could not like. As Mitch was reading those apps, he's like, Holy shit, this is fucking cooking. Absolutely lighting this episode on fire right now. I'm murdering. Offer up? Email us at doboyspodcast at gmail.com or leave us a voicemail at 830-GOTO.

That's 830-4636844. And to get the No Boys Double or Weekly Bonus episode, you can join the Golden or Platinum Plate Club at patreon.com slash doboys. And you know what else you can do on Patreon? Find Hollywood Handbook and the Flagrant Ones. Sean Clements, Hayes Davenport. Tell us about the shows. Tell us about your new Patreon and anything else you would like to plug.

We got Carl Tartt who we host the Flagrant Ones with, has a new show where he calls his cousin twice a week. That show is so good. It's so funny. We had to, I mean, it's just like a bidding war between like you two but dragging Carl all around the country for like years. So like now that he's, he and his cousin Asan are part of our network. We have the Flagrant Ones, our basketball show.

It's a little like, you know how like the Clippers have to give Uncle Dennis a job if they want Kawhi to come to LA. It's like Carl was the big prize of free agency for the Patreons. You guys had obviously made a very enticing pitch and we essentially had to start employing his family. But it's worked out because Asan is so funny and cool too. And so that show is great. We do the Flagrant Ones, our basketball show.

And it's really in-depth analysis of all the statistics and players. And then we do Hollywood Handbook, which everybody knows is so funny, so good. Then we do the pro version, which is like almost like even better than Hollywood Handbook. It costs money, so it must be better. You can get them all bundled together too. We have a bundle here that includes the video content. Five days a week. And we'll have another master class season coming out later this year.

Sean, I have an important question. Have you decided what you're getting for dinner? Buddy, at this point, I think I'm just going to lie down and wait for death. That'll do for this episode of Dove Voice. And next time for the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. I'm sorry, Mr. Slice, Mike Mitchell. That's right. I'm Nick Weiger.

Happy eating. See ya. On the next Doe Boys Double, pilot program continues as we review one of the best pilots in TV history, the Sopranos, with one of the best guests in podcast history, John Gabris. It's Doe Pranos with Gabris, Madone. Get the Doe Boys Double every Tuesday only at Patreon.com slash Doe Boys. Want to see the sources for this week's intro?

Check the episode description. That was a hate gun podcast.