Doughboys - Subway 5: Doritos Footlong Nachos with Toni Charline Ramos

Episode Date: April 24, 2025

Toni Charline Ramos (@tonicharline) joins the 'boys to talk music, Max shows, and Mexico before a review of Subway's new Footlong Doritos Nachos. Plus, another edition of Snack or Wack.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSources for this week's intro:https://www.sos.ca.gov/elections/ballot-measures/resources-and-historical-information/history-california-initiativeshttps://libguides.law.ucla.edu/callegislativehistory/ballothttps://ballotpedia.org/History_of_Initiative_and_Referendum_in_Californiahttps://www.p65warnings.ca.gov/https://guides.loc.gov/latinx-civil-rights/california-proposition-187https://time.com/4686280/subway-chicken-fast-food-filler/https://newsroom.subway.com/2025-04-03-Subway-R-Teams-up-with-Doritos-R-for-Another-Unexpected-Footlong-Innovation,-Try-Them-FREE-with-Any-Footlong-Sub-on-April-10See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to youtube.com slash doughboysmedia. With a $5 meal deal with new McValue, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Prices and participation may vary. McDonald's meals are $6 in some markets for a limited time only.

In 1911, California passed a state constitutional amendment allowing citizens to vote on ballot initiatives, an opportunity to legislate from the voting booth. Thus began America's most lasting and consequential experiment with direct democracy, an experiment that, over a century later, still remains controversial. The ballot initiative process has led to regressive populist victories like 1994's Proposition 187, a draconian anti-immigrant measure, 2008's Proposition 8, which banned same-sex marriage – ironically past the same year Californians overwhelmingly voted Barack Obama for president – and most disastrously, 1987's Proposition 13, which, in limiting property taxes on rich homeowners,

both hamstrung state revenues and throttled the housing supply. But Californians have also united to advance social and economic progress not delivered by the state legislature. 1914's Proposition 10 helped ensure voting rights by banning poll taxes. 2016's Proposition 64 legalized marijuana rights by banning poll taxes, 2016's Proposition 64 legalized marijuana, a boon to the emerging job classification of podcast producer, and 1986's Proposition 65 required corporations to provide written notification of the presence of dangerous chemicals.

The state of California's own description reads, quote, Proposition 65 requires businesses to provide warnings to Californians about significant exposures to chemicals that cause cancer, birth defects, or other reproductive harm." And while you'd be unsurprised to see a legally mandated Proposition 65 notice affixed to the window of a new electric vehicle or on the wall of a dry cleaner's, you might be a bit disturbed that one fast food chain displays a Prop 65 warning on the order confirmation screen of its own app, despite a slogan that encourages diners to, quote, eat fresh. The ubiquitous sandwich chain in question has endured myriad controversies, from its so-called chicken being exposed as only 50% meat to its human mascot being outed as a child pornographer. But it saw mild success with the 2024 cross-branded footlong gimmick menu

and is now back to the same playbook this year by collaborating with a Frito-Lay varietal best known for its association with Taco Bell. But can this latest reconfiguration of existing ingredients be enough to entice consumers to return to this declining sandwich shop? Either way, it better taste pretty fucking good, because you're apparently ingesting enough toxic chemicals to require legal notification. This week on Doughboys, we return once again to Subway for the Doritos Footlong Nachos. ["Doughboyz Theme Song"]

Welcome to Doughboyz, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Tiger Weiger along with my co-host, My Love For You is deep dish, but the deviled eggs love me deeper. The Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. How about that? That's a great roast except I would never leave the deep dish for deviled eggs. The deviled eggs love me more than the other. My Love For You is deep deep dish for deviled eggs. The deviled eggs love me more than the others. My love for you is deep dish with the deviled eggs.

Yes, in this math, in the math of this roast, which, of course, is a reference to Casey's upcoming feature film, the math is that you're leaving deep dish pizza for deviled eggs. A good roast, though. A good roast. A great roast. Hello, Doughboys and crew.

First and foremost, congratulations to Casey on his indie film reaching its funding goal during the MunchMadness 10 livestream. I just watched all six hours. Congratulations, Casey. I just watched all six hours and had an absolute blast. When you've been out of a job for a year, one has that kind of free time in the day.

The main feed and the doubles have been constant. Maybe cut back on the Patreon subscriptions if you remember how to work for a year. No! Keep the Patreon subscription. But thank how it worked for a year. No! Keep the Patreon subscription. But thank you, thank you very much. The main feed and the doubles have been constant high points in my week that I look forward to

while I continue to find new employment. Thank you all for the hours upon hours of entertainment and for all the hard work from the host and the dais, although come on, really just the dais, that goes into putting every episode together. Congratulations on approaching your 10-year donaversary, and congratulations again to Casey. I can't wait to see the movie. All the best, Sam.

Donaversary. Sam from Carlsberg. Wow, Sam from Carlsberg. Roast at birdfuck.com. My stomach hurts. This is such a bad start. You don't okay? This is a bad start. This is a bad start, and this is also a bad sign,

I feel like, for this week's Change Subway. Sure, sure, sure. Because you ingest the gimmick food that they are selling right now that we are covering, for this week's Change Subway. Sure, sure, sure. Because you ingest the gimmick food that they're selling right now that we're covering because it's topical, and then you have an immediate negative reaction. Like your body's rebelling against it.

I just wanna say, what's his name from Carlsberg? Sam. Sam, keep the Patreon, just, I don't know, feed your bird less or whatever little stuff you have to do. You think Sam's a bird guy? I think Sam's a bird guy. He's just walking around with a parrot on his shoulder. He's probably got a fat parrot.

Cut the, give him a, send the parrot on a diet. It's fine. I love the parrot guy walking around like the, like the, the, you know, the fucking outdoor mall. Like, oh, hey, how's it going everybody? Oh yeah, I got a parrot there. Do you guys see? You're supposed to be Joe Boys. Yeah. What is the parrot saying? Cause they talk, right? Only.

So. Yeah. Look, it was a good roast. It was a very good roast, Sam. And we know good roasts. We sure do. At the show. Mitch, last week,

Wags. Our buddy, Jamel Bowie was here. We brought up a film that I realized I'd never seen to live and die in LA. This is a film that you talked about. I watched it this past weekend. What did you think? Let me tell you, Five Forks.

Very good movie. Wow. You liked it? It's a William Friedkin movie. I mean, I loved it. I just watched a full Paul Schrader watch, watched down last year. And one of his films, which I'd never seen, Light Sleeper is a Willem Defoe,

Susan Sarandon Two-Hander, it's a drug dealer movie. He's not a scumbag in that one. He's a scumbag in this one, but I always love seeing a young Defoe. Young Vierle Defoe, I guess he's still Vierle. That hog is really hanging at that point. Yeah, that famously, confusingly large hog. The action, we're on the action boys text,

they sent us a video of the hog. Yeah. And it's something else. It's quite the hog. It's a prize pig. William Friedkin obviously directed it, delivered on the promised Wayne Chung soundtrack. And Mitch, the other thing,

this movie has a William Peterson hog, which he's not too shabby in that department. I will just say as someone who grew up in LA County and, you know, cause this movie's obviously set in LA, I love anything that deals with that 80s LA grime that I kind of like vaguely remember from my childhood. The Wang Chung song that John Mulaney now uses. Yeah. It's, it's, and it's got a lot of...

It doesn't stink, I think Mulaney sounds like, the critic. LAUGHS It's not just the, like, the pre-genderfied downtown LA, which it has a lot of part of, and the LA River and stuff, but also the Port of Los Angeles in San Pedro, which is the busiest port in North America. And I know, because San Pedro is right next to Long Beach. My parents lived in San Pedro for a time,

so I've been around that area a lot. It's got its own sort of scummy veneer to it. Also, just like LA is one of the most beautiful climates on Earth, and it's just been, at a certain point, was just covered with asphalt and oil derricks and climates on earth and it's just been at a certain point was just covered with Asphalt and oil derricks and fucking power plants and there's a lot of that and that's all changed now. It's it's yeah The concrete is gone. Yeah, it's picturesque The great line great William Peterson line. I wrote down guess what uncle Sam doesn't give a shit about your expenses

You want bread fuck a baker? Pretty good. That's pretty great. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I saw a movie. Glad I watched it. I saw a movie last night. What was it? It was warfare.

Oh, I saw warfare too. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was talking about with Amelia. You see hog in warfare, but it's pretty group. It's pretty. It's like an afterman. It's not a fun hog.

It's not a fun hog. Yeah. It's a man. It's an uncut gem. It's after a man gets like an afterman. It's not a fun hog. It's not a fun hog. Yeah. It's a man, it's an uncut gem. It's after a man gets, after a man gets, like, IED, and they cut his pants and you see his hog. Well, spoiler alert. Oh, shit, yeah, spoiler alert.

Oh, there's an IED in warfare? No. Come on now. That's an unpleasant watch. I almost made the same mistake we were talking about last night, and someone said IUD, it's IED. I said it correctly. Okay. Yes, yeah.

Inner-uniting device? We oppose both. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Is that right? Is it inner-uniting device? Yes. That's nasty.

You. Um, why is Jamal Bouie being on? And, you know, got me thinking like, you know, he says a lot of smart things about politics. Yeah, sure. And I was watching John Oliver. I was watching John Oliver and it's a great show. I like it.

It's like a lot of great political statements on that show. And there's a lot going on in our country right now. And I feel like we all got our heads stuck in the streamers, you know what I mean? HBO Max, a great streamer. Yeah, sure. But also they have this deaf poetry jam on there.

And so I decided to write a little poetry jam for you. OK, so the combination of you're watching HBO Max, you're watching Max, you're watching John Oliver, and then they have deaf poetry jam. Those two things, two factors converge, and now you're writing some poetry for me. I just wrote you a little poetry, is that okay? Yes, of course it's okay, please.

All right, here we go. Trump pushing his power to the max, but I don't mean HBO, man, relax. All people wanna talk about is White Lotus, but we should be talking about our white POTUS. Cause the economy is crashing, but this time I ain't laughing. Fat cats obsessed with money like they're R-less and people like me and you end up carless or even homeless like bubbles on the wire. We got a Veep in Prez chasing their desires.

Instead of progress and moving forward like we should, we're going backwards. Man, we're almost back in Deadwood. And our future looks like Westworld. We're in a crisis. I'm gonna end up six feet under when I see these new egg prices. For these politicians, it's a game, but not of Thrones.

Claiming to be righteous, but only want those gemstones. They're a bunch of hacks and they destroyed our trust. And they won't be happy till they see the last of us. (*clapping*) Uh, I have one note. Yeah? Just let it breathe. Just be a little longer. (*laughing*)

I thought your note was gonna be, why did you do this? (*laughing*) No, I loved it. I didn't realize when you went with that setup that it was going to be about the current administration, but through the lens of referencing a bunch of Max's catalog of shows.

I loved it. I'm going to sign you up for like a slam poetry. I warned Tony that I was going to do it before we even came in here, and her reaction is pretty much what I thought it would be, which is no laughter and just nodding her head. Ugh. But it was a nice little tour down memory lane of their vast library of great shows.

You can watch all of that on Max. It's all available on Max. But get your head out of the streamers and do something. Get your head out of the streamers and do something. Get your head out of the streamers and do something. Promo code DOE for 15% off your first month of Macs. Which we're recording up. I told them the day I saw they were like, we should move to Italy.

It's crazy here. And I was like, I'm going to address it on this episode. And I don't think they were prepared for how bad it was going to be, honestly. Also, if you're worried about fascism, we should not move to Italy. All right. Yeah.

I mean. Did you see who they elected? Also, we know this. They elected like Mussolini's niece or something. It's like insane. Mussolini's niece? Go on. Is there a Mr. Mussolini?

We've talked about this before. A lot of Italians love Trump. They're, uh, the Italians I know back when. Oh, I don't know what I love more, uh, Nuna's, uh, uh, uh, uh, Nuna's chicken parm or Trump. Trump. Oh, my dawn. Which one is better? Hahaha!

Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha! Anyways, Wally. The Leaning Tower of Pisa?

Or Trump? I don't know! Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha!

I don't have, I don't have it. I don't have one I know I was just like that's my my fucking the rainbow wheel in my old brain trying to come up with one Italian reference spaghetti and meatballs Spaghetti and then trot spaghetti and trombas trombas trombas I was gonna say Trump and Pence. That doesn't work. It's Gilding the Lily. It's just Trump.

I've been so nerve-racked since I did my poem. Why are you nerve-racked? That was great. I don't know, because I put myself out there. That was great, Mitch. It was very vulnerable. What? I want to reference a couple of things.

Just want to mention this real quick. We're recording an episode slightly advanced because we're about to go on tour in May, Mitch. Our first DC show and our new show are sold out. However, tickets are still available for our second DC show, May 14th at the DC Improv and in Boston, Mitch, at the Wilbur on May 17th. That's going to be a big blowout show.

You're not going to want to miss that show. Birdfuck.com slash live. And please join us when we're in your town over in the East Coast, the feast coast. Yes, come to the Boston show. A lot of my family and friends will be there. We've been making them do it for 10 years now. Yeah, and come to the DC if you missed out on the...

Mitch! Oh, come to the DC show, too, I guess. Come to the DC show if you missed out on the first show. We got a second show. We got two shows. You gotta come. We got two shows in DC. Come to them. There might be some surprises. Yeah. Ooh.

Check that out. All right Mitch, I know you got a drop to play and we got a guest to introduce. I wanna try and do more Italian stuff with Toronto Fine. I'll do this. I'm gonna hit him with the drop. Just think while the drop is playing. Okay, okay.

Italian specific. I'm gonna hit him with the hit. Hit me, all right. Okay, start thinking. When you were in college. What'd you say? I said when you were in college. What did you say? I said when you were in college. Hey boys, check it out.

Ladies are out on campus now. That pretty lass is showing some ankle. We really gave it to the crowds good. In World War I. I'm majoring in vacuum tubes. Want to work on one of those new room sized computers. My next project is going to be a vacuum machine. I'm going to be a vacuum machine. I'm majoring in vacuum tubes.

Want to work on one of those new room-sized computers. My next class is on punch cards. I don't care for interracial marriage. That shouldn't happen. You're old. Man, we're unfunny. I thought that was a lot of fun. Let's see here.

Little Scott Joplin. Oh, is that who? Yeah, I think that was what? Maple Leaf Rag? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you telling me Janice is a nepo baby? Mitch, that's how Hollywood works. Ugh, that pisses me off.

You don't get Janice without Scott. Okay, hello Drop King, Emma, Amelia, or whoever is handling the real work for the show. Okay. Attaches my drop inspired by Weger's college reminiscing from the recent-ish Casey double about root beer. Thanks to whoever reads this, I drop off even my most cherished podcast every now and then, but never the Doughboyz.

Chris. Wow. Wow. Did you come up with one? No, but you go first. Okay. Ah, I don't know which I like better, Dante's the Defined Comedy or Trump? Great Italian work of literature.

I don't know what I like better, spaghetti and meat, no I already did that one. work of literature. I don't know what I like better. Spaghetti and meat. No, I already did that one. I'm just kidding. What? What? Ah.

Tiramisu or trumplemisu. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Drop to birdfuck.com. Help us. Help us be funny.

Help us guest returning to the show our great friend, Tony Charlene Ramos. Hi, Tony. Yay. Thanks so much for making time for us. Oh, my gosh. Did you like my poem? A pleasure.

Yeah. You're like, when you told me, you're like, OK, so, Weiger was out of the room. OK, so I have this, it's a corny poem. So don't worry, it is corny. I was like, OK. And you're like, just look at the title. Show me the title. But just so you know, when don't worry, it is corny. I was like, okay. And they're like, just look at the title.

Show me the title. But just so you know when I read it, it's corny. I was like, all right, buddy. I had to make sure you knew that I wasn't being serious, which I think was never an issue. Yeah, never for a second. You went to get coffee, you went and got coffee. That's right.

I said, I have a surprise for Wags. That's right. I have a surprise, I have a surprise. Susser wrote the gemstones line. Was a good line. What the fuck? What about the rest of the poem? The rest was good too, but it's just, you know,

he could tell that little susser touch. That's bullshit. Man, does it for a living. The gemstones and whatever that whole, oh, I forget what it was. I don't give a shit. It's fine. It's not important.

Yeah. You guys don't, you don't give a shit. It's fine. It's not important. Yeah. You guys don't want me to do an hour podcast after? Actually, because you just read the whole thing again. Yeah. I'm sure someone will make it into a drop with another Scott Joplin rag. Yeah. Oh, does rag, does rag means rag time?

Rag time, yeah. Okay. Yeah. So that was, is that a rag time song? Yeah, it was, yeah. It's Scottlin, kind of the king of Ragtime. Scott Joplin's the king of Ragtime? I think so, very much so. Amelia's nodding along, you freak.

Big Scott Joplin fan. Really? What's your favorite? Maple Leaf Rag. Maple Leaf Rag is great. That one's a banger. What's Maple Leaf Rag? The one we just heard.

Oh, oh, that's your favorite? They just said it mere moments ago. One, I don't care. Two, I'm never going to remember. The other big one is the entertainer. You probably know the entertainer. You've definitely heard the entertainer. I am the entertainer. No, they're not lyrical.

They're just piano songs. Da da da da da da. Oh, I know that. Of course. Da da da da da da da da. Da da da da da da da da. Da da da da da da da da da. Da da da da da da da. This is what showbiz used to be. Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh I feel like he kinda did more jazz standards, but I guess he did some ragtimey stuff, sure. Oh, maybe saying about, yeah, my ragtime gal.

He got canceled, unfortunately, the WB Frog. Yeah, he was a little handsy. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Cool. Toni, you are now living, at least for the time being, you were living in Mexico. I am, yes. Wow. For the past three months, and still got some time there.

So you're up here for a brief stretch, where like, will you do the Doughboys? You're kind enough to say like, yeah, I'll do the Doughboys in my limited time in LA. Absolutely. We appreciate it so much. So what is it like, and is it better than here? I love LA.

I love LA, I love LA, I love LA, I love LA. Yeah. I love Mexico. Sounds like Randy Newman, I was gonna say. I love LA. Now you don't, now you sound like a... We can't sing that in my house because I'm dating a short king and he has that song.

Oh, he has a short people. Yeah. No reason to live. Yeah. So we can't sing that song. They say that and I love LA? No, no, no, it's a different song But isn't I always assumed I don't know anything about Randy Newman. I always assumed Randy Newman was himself a short king

He's a big guy. He's like over six foot. Oh, so that's punching down. That's punching down literally. Yeah Not cool Mitch I'm saying he's literally punching down. Not cool, Mitch. It's true. It's true. He's tall. He's tall. He's a tall man.

I thought the song was meant to be satire. I think so. Yeah, little bitty eyes, little bitty teeth, little bitty cars that go beep, beep, beep. I would imagine. I think he's talking about little people in the sense of you're little. You're small people.

But he says short people in this song. Yeah, short people. Ain't says short people in this. Yeah, short people. Ain't got no reason to live. Yeah. Yeah. Ah! I'm saying all of us. Come on.

No matter what height, there's no real reason. Oh my god. That's very existential of you, Mitch. Yeah. So you went from, you went from, what's his name? I just said his name. Randy Newman. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, know it from the title. Yeah, Mr. Mexico. We'll get DCMA. We'll get DCMA. DCMA. Give us a little taste. Yeah. Oh, Mexico. I can only hear the name of the.

I think I've heard this, yeah. Don't play it. Don't play it on your phone. I can't play it even a second. Don't play it on your phone. Don't play it on your phone. I'm just going to look at a lyric to it. OK.

Don't play it on your phone. I'm just going to look at a lyric to it. OK. To answer your question, I love Mexico. I'm in Puerto Vallarta. Nice. I absolutely love Mexico. I'm in Puerto Vallarta. Nice. I absolutely love it. I love the food, the culture.

It feels like a village. It's nice to take a little peek outside from the States. Yeah, sure. Right now. Yeah. Yeah, I really dig it. Okay, so you're there, obviously you love LA, you have a lot of elite, you grew up all over.

I know you spent some time in Washington, some time in Arizona. Oh my gosh, yes. I got some lyrics here. Yeah. Okay, give it. Oh, down in Mexico, I never really been so, I don't really know. Oh, Mexico.

I guess I'll have to, I guess this is just old posturing, he's never Oh, Mexico. I guess I'll have to go. I guess this is just old posturing. He's never been to Mexico. It's so hot. I forgot to go home. Guess I'll have to go. Yeah. Down a man. Yeah.

You know what else? Christopher Cross has a song like that too. Yes. I love sailing. So much further to go. We're into the border to Mexico. Oh yeah. Ride like the wind.

Rod like the wind. Yeah. That's a great song. Yeah. It's a really good song. That whole album. Ride like the wind. Ride like the wind rod like yeah, that's a great song. Yeah, it's a really good song that whole album I like the wind right like the way That is a big very much that I like Sorry, Debbie. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,

da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, best album or album of the year at the Grammys over Pink Floyd's The Wall. Wow. Which is insane. Look, I appreciate. That's shocking. Pink Floyd's The Wall.

Pink Floyd The Wall is maybe my favorite album all the time. I love that album. Yeah, sure. But it is a really good album. I mean, it's just, it is very 80s. It's funny because it's 1980s. Name three songs. From, from, from, from, Ride Like the Wind.

Okay. Sailing, which is enough for me. Oh, that's fun. Well, it's not enough for me, name one more. It's so good. I think Maple Leaf Rag is on there. It's so good. I think Maple Leaf Rag. Chris Christopher, yeah, I don't know.

Okay, all right. There's a song that says that's just his name. Yeah, he's Chris Cross. Yeah. I know. Please. Sailing, one of the best moments of my cross. I'm not a big fan of the cross. I'm not a big fan of the cross. I'm not a big fan of the cross. I'm not a big fan of the cross. I'm not a big fan of the cross. Sailing one of the best moments of my life,

I was in Columbia. Wow. And I was with Mikus and the gang, and it was like a rocky start, which I've told that story before, and I won't tell it publicly. Right. Oh.

Things got crazy in Columbia, as you could, well, I'm with a group of Quincy guys, it got just a little crazy. Did someone immediately buy drugs? Who knows? Maybe. Oh, okay. Was the drug crazy. Did someone immediately buy drugs? Maybe. Was the drug a softball of worth of cocaine? Maybe.

Not even an A-bomb. Did the drug dealer leave and without us paying him? Yes. Look, I wasn't even involved. I didn't want any of this stuff to be, I swear this is the truth. And then, and then I was, I was so scared the entire time. And anyways, uh, I, I went to, we, we, we went out on a boat and it was like, the waves were crazy and I thought I was going to die. I was like, oh, I survived this one thing and now I'm going to die in a boat.

And then the water cleared up and it was like, like crystal clear and beautiful. And like a guy in a wooden boat, like an old man in the, in the, like an old man cleared up and it was like crystal clear and beautiful. And like a guy in a wooden boat, like an old man in the sea type boat came up and like was trying to sell us lobsters. Wow. And that song Sailing came on. Sailing, take me away to where I want to be.

That song's in Ambulance, Michael Bay movie. It's a great moment. Oh moon, so I do. That song's in Ambulance, Michael Bay movie. It's a great moment. Oh right, yes, yeah. Listen to it on the earbuds. It's a great song. Yeah, it's a great song. A song that plays as you die, what is it? Not that you haven't thought about it a lot,

which I feel like you might've. Could you have mon wags? The boys are back in town. Girls just want to have lunch. Wow, that's a good one. That is a good one. It depends on how I die. Like am I going on a, you know,

a hailorm of bullets or something? Yeah, you're saying as you die. Are you saying, like, in the movie of your life, or are you saying, like, that's what you're listening to? Or are you saying, like, that's kind of, like, the vibe of your death? Here's the thought process.

We played that song, and then you said, Ambulance. And then I thought you meant, like, oh, that song was playing in an ambulance. There's not a lot to it. So I'm going to say gonna say like as you die, which is so you have a gun in your mouth. All right, so picture me with a, no, no, no, no. No, I like this.

Picture me with a gun in my mouth. You tried it with a noose, but it broke the rafter. It was plan B. Where was I? What raft? You're two stories down. I'm going to go after. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That's a good way for an entertainer to die. And then my kids are chasing the ice cream truck right through them. It's a good way for an entertainer. You know what would be a good song is Hollywood Boulevard is a nice song.

Sure. By the Kinks. You know that one? Yeah. That's a great song. You love that song. I love that song. Give me a little taste just to make it cool.

Everybody's a dreamer, and everybody's a star. And everybody's in showbiz, no matter who you are. There are stars on every corner, on every, uh, something and on every street. And when you walk down Hollywood Boulevard, some are beneath your feet. I forget the lyrics.

Nice. Mitch, that was really good feet. I forget the lyrics. Nice. Mitch, that was really good. I just wish the lyrics had been changed to acknowledge some HBO Max properties. Yeah. Yeah. It almost felt a little Adam Sandler-y too. Oh, really?

Yeah. You kind of went into a little bit of Sandler-y. A little bit of Sandler-y. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's, it's about like, Rudolph Valentino. Likeino. Like, uh, like, like, they talk about all the stars that are on Hollywood Boulevard.

Like, uh, you get it. You get, you get the song. There was a, I was, I can't remember where I was exactly, but there's, there's a, there's a star on the Walk of Fame, um, for Michael Jackson, obviously. And so I was by, I was like, I was walking by. It make, when you step on it, it makes that noise. Yeah. I was walking by, I was like, I was walking by. When you step on it, it makes that noise. Yeah.

I was walking by, I was walking by the Michael Jackson star and there were like people like tourists, like taking pictures. And there was like an on-house guy who was just hanging out there. And he kept saying like, wrong one, wrong one. There's two Michael Jacksons. That's the Michael Jackson,

who was a radio broadcaster in LA in like the seventies. Oh. The actual Michael Jackson is spot somewhere else. So some guy just kind of set up shop just to tell tourists to go to the other Michael Jackson store. And they each get you. Do their service, public service. I know.

You get a star and then you get like a little picture depending on the category you're in. Yeah. So I wonder what the difference is. I think he had a microphone and then Michael Jackson has like a record. Oh, that makes sense. Wrong one.

Yeah. Wrong one. Yeah. It'd be fun to be the wrong one guy. I won't be happy till Bubbles gets a star too. The character? The chimp. Michael Jackson's chimp.

Oh yeah, yes, yes. God, do people know about Bubbles anymore? Does the deus know about Bubbles? I know about Bubbles. Is Bubbles still alive? Casey knows Bubbles. I know Bubbles. Amelia, you don't know Bubbles.

What Bubbles do you know? Well, I know Blanket, his kid. You know Blanket, okay. Yeah, yeah. Blanket, okay, okay, okay. Blanket's a good, that's a good cultural reference with Michael Jackson, Blanket. Mitch referenced Bubbles from the Wire.

Do you know the Bubbles from the Wire? No. You don't know Bubbles from the Wire? No. Great show. You should like it. Casey, you've seen The Wire. Bitch, I have not seen The Wire. Wow.

I also have not seen The Sopranos. Wow. I might take my donation back. What the fuck? No, this is, no, let me defend Casey. He's a movie guy. Like, when you're a movie guy, because there's so much TV I haven't seen.

Obviously there's a bunch of movies I haven't seen either. These shows are like movies. Yeah, but some of the big shows I've never seen. I've never seen, what's the thing that's, White Lotus. I've never seen, obviously there's a bunch of movies I haven't seen either. These shows are like movies. Yeah, but some of the big shows I've never seen. I've never seen, what's the thing, White Lotus. I've never seen White Lotus. I've never seen White Lotus either. Yeah, so I don't know.

I miss out on shit. I can't tell what I love more, The Sopranos or Trump. That's what I was, I was trying to eye Mitch on it. I was giving Mitch the eyes for it. Oh, you were trying to signal to me and I didn't catch on to it at all. I'm also wondering, I also wonder if that is just a true statement from Amelia.

It is. Uh. Uh. They like, the TV shows are so good, they're cinematic, they're like movies, you gotta, the, the, the, I will watch at least The Sopranos at some point, but I just gotta find the time.

Yeah, it's the whole thing. It's like, what are you doing now? I think it's a great point. I think I'll watch it right now. You can just have it on the monitor there. What are you missing? Amelia could do the switch and you go in another room, watch the first episode of The Sopranos.

What do you think? Yeah, and then let us know. Do you have a laptop? Can we make this happen? Yes, it does. Do you think just the pilot of the Sopranos though is a good on-ramp? Because the pilot's kind of a little different. Like I feel like you can even commit to more than that.

The pilot was shot so far before the rest of even the first season. There's such a gap. There's a bunch of recasting. I have also seen the pilot with the ducks. Right, right. I just haven't watched the whole thing. I would warn you that it becomes a very different show

after two seasons maybe. Like it's in the third season that it's really very different show after two seasons, maybe? Like, it's in the third season that it's really... Yeah, but it's still good. It's still good, don't get me wrong. It's right here. Look, my parents love The Sopranos. Your parents have seen it and you haven't. That is wild.

Well, at the time when it was airing, I wasn't allowed to watch it. I was too young. Jesus Christ. Actually, you know, I was jacking off to that shit. Jesus Christ. But, uh, I lost. Actually, you know, I was jacking off to that shit. Jesus Christ.

My god. Bubbles the Chimp is still alive. No. Wow. Yes, he was born in 1983, and he lived with Michael Jackson until 2005, and now he lives at the Center for Great Apes in Florida. Wow.

So he is. Wow. He took a retire there. He's 42. Yeah. We're the same age. I might as well go down there. I mean, I guess I'm a year older than Bubbles. Yeah.

The Mulaney Show, which Dave Ferguson is the show runner of, That's right. Just did a funny Bubbles bit just recently. Yeah. They referenced Bubbles. So it's in the zeitgeist right now. Mm-mm.

And also SNL did the White POTUS sketch on Saturday. I was wondering which came first. Oh, interesting. and also SNL did the white POTUS sketch on Saturday. I was wondering which came first. Oh, interesting. Let's just take a look at my notes, except I did, I changed something today. Okay, so the metadata is not gonna be on your side. Chris Van Ars-Stalin also posted a white POTUS thing

like last week, I think he did a graphics bit with their theme song and it had Trump in it. Who did this? Van Ars-Stalin. So a lot of mutual adventures going on. Let's go back, wait, let's go back. Hold on a second, hold on now. Hold on, I'm just gonna time stamp it for you.

All right. So you were first, is that what you're saying? Well, if 11 days ago means anything. Wow. You're a fucking hack, Van Arstellen and Saturday Night Live. 11 days ago was well before Saturday. Did you, wait, did you also, I just like, so that we recorded other episodes before Tony came in, so you were saving it for Tony? Yes.

Really? It wasn't done yet? No, I wanted to do it on a mainline episode and I said to Sus, how embarrassing will this be to do in front of Jemelle Buie? And he said, very embarrassing. You should just do it in front of someone else. And I said, yeah, I don't think I could have been comfortable enough to do it in front of Jemelle. I think I would have been embarrassed.

OK, I get that. You've seen me be a fool. Oh, absolutely. I've seen you fool. Okay, I get that. You've seen me be a fool. Oh, absolutely. I've seen you fool, well, we've talked about this before, fool on naked, multiple times. That stuff fits so little. Whether I wanted to or not. On and off stage.

We did a super Harold and I came out naked at London. Needlessly, nah, there was nothing that. To be fair, I was like, to my Harold group, I was like, let's all get naked. And then I got naked and walked out. And I was covering myself. Yeah, sure. Because I don't want anyone to see anything.

Yeah. Just a thumb over the hole. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. Did Hanford maybe come out naked? So it felt like somebody else did. I, too, was like, I'll come out naked. And I think somebody was like, it's not worth it.

Well, also, to be fair. It's different if a lady comes out. Also, to be fair. Was it Joe Hartzler? Hartzler definitely took off his, well, you know it. This is what started. It's like one group took off, like, he took off his shirt, and then people took off their,

and then I was like, we need to heighten. And you were right, you were right. Oh my God, I just, I kicked Jemmy. You okay? She's okay. Bite him. Yeah, bite him. I'm so sorry, baby.

That sucks. No, she's doing okay. I kicked the dog. I've, Mitch, I've done it before. It's just sometimes you move, not on purpose. Not on purpose, but sometimes your jemmy's in a place you're not expecting, you move your foot. She's very good at getting right under people's feet. Especially if there's cheese around. She comes to collect her cheese tacks and she gets kicked in the face.

I barely, I never have said that before. Well maybe with my sister or something, that's it. I don't say that a lot. My sister was stronger than me. I have to go to the bathroom. Okay. Okay. We'll take a break.

We'll be back with Doughboys. Diabrea break. You want me to keep going? You want me to keep going without you? Let's take a break. Yeah. We'll be back with more Doughboys. All right, guys. I'm about to tell you about the most incredible, unforgettable gift you

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Wow. Okay, we're back. Mitch, how you feeling? Not great, Wikes. Okay. Here's the deal. Yeah. I take drugs. I take the weight loss drugs. Nice. Here's the deal. Yeah. I take drugs.

I take the weight loss drugs. Nice. And they say, I take the weight loss drugs. Also, I feel like people are gonna think I'm a scumbag with I didn't do that. I didn't do it. It's just a little of that big bottle of Coke.

I didn't do it. I didn't do it. I wasn't for me. You can do as much Coke as you want. I didn't do it. I don't do that. I didn't do that. It wasn't for me.

Have you never done it? Tony. Maybe just a little touch here and there. Okay. Okay. I can say I've never done it? Tony. Maybe just a little touch here and there. Okay, okay. I can say I've never done. What do you think you'd do in the bathroom? The hardest drug I've ever done is weed. I've never touched anything else.

And I think if I don't think I could do, I'm like very addictive. I think meat plus cocaine would be a really bad, bad situation. I thought that too. I was like, I think this is gonna be my drug and my personality, I was like, let's do it anyways. And I was like, oh, okay.

Yeah. But I, I could manage. I could manage. Yeah, just a little bit of coke. Just a little bit. I feel that way about the spice melange from Dune. I feel like you do like a little bit of the spice melange and not like, you know, become like a transdimensional being.

Now, would you? What's your favorite hard drug? Mine's Viagra. Nice. I winked. Your little eyes. What's the most fun? This is a horrible combo.

What's the most fun drug? I think Coke is the most fun hard drug to talk about. Like Tony Montana with the... Tony Montana. Yeah, sure. I guess acid maybe is like, whoa, dude. You know what I mean? And shrooms were not counting as a hard drug. I think the US government would, but I think probably they're not.

I say now, that is maybe... Psychedelics are kind of their own thing, right? Like 30 years ago psychedelics were hard drugs, I would say. Now I would say not like that. So you've never done sh 30 years ago, psychedelics were hard drugs, I would say. Now I would say not like that. So you've never done shrooms? No, I've never done any of them. Okay. No.

I've smoked a little weed, it makes me anxious. I've tried to get into it a number of times and I just find it exacerbates my anxieties. What a false advertisement. You think this is too, you think my hoodie? I feel like Pasta Bottom, my friend. Too wavy, wavy nails.

Yeah. It is shocking. Is this a weed sort of vibe? I don't think to bottom my friend. Two wavy gravy. It's shocking. Is this a weed sort of vibe? I don't think you should, no, she was saying mushrooms, but I also- Oh, this is mushroomy? If you were on hallucinogens, you could stare at that sweatshirt for like four hours. Wow.

You shouldn't do- Has everyone else in this room done mushrooms? Yeah. Wow. I don't think you should do them. Yeah, I don't think I should do them. You might like micro-dosing. Yeah, just a little bit. You don't think you should do them. Yeah, I don't think it should do Like you don't have like the mental effects, it's just like a mood boost kind of

Sold micro we sold some mushroom micro dosing So funny, yeah, you talked about how much you loved them It's Especially I would say even here, but especially in Amsterdam, you can pick what you want. It's not of the days where it's like, all right, my friend got some caps and who knows what's going to happen. You could be like, I don't want to see stuff. I want like more of a body high or it's not as like, whoa. That makes me sick about Amsterdam. When people were like, when you came to Boom Chicago, you'd take like XC. I was like, ugh, I like it.

I don't like any drugs anymore. Yeah. But like hallucinogens and stuff like that, I don't. I have gone so far away from I never want to do them again. And I think if you took them, there's a chance that you would come in with a tiger tattoo on your face or something. It's like, I killed someone, buddy.

Um, I don't think you should take them. Yeah, I won't take them. I like you just the way you are, Wags. Oh, buddy. Um. Um. Um. Um. Uh, I don't think you should take them, either. Yeah, I won't take them. I like you just the way you are, Wags. Oh, wow. Yes, I'm not encouraged. What a thing to say. I like, I only like booze. That's the only drug I enjoy.

I used to like cigarettes. I only like booze, but I don't- Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mitch and I both used to smoke. We're booze, I like that line in Once Upon Time in Hollywood is like, my booze don't need nobody when he's talking about it.

Yeah, that's great. That's good. That's nobody when he's talking about it. And that's good. That's Leo's character there. That's great. I gotta re-watch that movie. It's my favorite Tarantino. I know that's crazy. I don't think that's crazy. I don't think that's crazy.

Rank him how you got him. I love him. I love it. I don't wanna promote smoking, but what was your brand? Well, I was doing Parliament. Wow, I was a Parliament life guy for a while. Yeah, my mom smoked Virginia Slims. You got into those. Well, you know, I was a snagaments. Wow, I was a parliament life guy for a while. Yeah, my mom smoked Virginia Slims. So you got into those.

Well, you know, I was like a Virginia Slim, sure. Kind of a mom cigarette, but sure. Mommy cigarette. Yeah. I smoked Winston's, Marlboro lights, Winston's, Marlboro Ultralights, Parliaments, Parliament lights, and then the Parliament Ultralights, and then I stopped. I quit, I told this, I quit smoking when the Red Sox were down three nothing to the Yankees

in the ALCS. I was driving back to Ithaca and I crunched up my cigarettes and threw them out the window. I said, I won't smoke if they don't lose. And I was like, they're going to lose. Yeah. And then they never lost again. And then my dad had like heart surgery and I was like, I won't, I won't smoke or do drugs while like my dad, like while my dad is alive,

he'd be happy with that. So I didn't do it. And then when he died, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo,

whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo,

whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, I didn't do anything. And then like I was too old at that point, I feel like when I got back to it, that I like, I was 30 almost. So I didn't smoke from 22 to 30.

And then I like tried to, I kind of tried again, but it didn't stick, which is good. Yeah, my mom smoked cigarettes. She started smoking as a teenager. She smoked cigarettes for many, many years and finally quit. And it was like, you know, it's a whole thing. Yeah.

Very good for her. And then my my older brother, Nate, was I think a pack or two pack a day smoker to serve. It's like an thing. Oh, wow, yeah. Very good for her. And then my mouth of older brother Nate was I think a pack or two pack a day smoker to serve him. It's like an insane smoker. Damn. I think it was a pack a day smoker. And then one day he's just like, I'm not doing this anymore.

I just quit cold turkey. Wow. Like a pack a day. Yeah. That's amazing. I briefly smoked. I've now used this joke multiple times that I quit cold turkey.

I just, every time I want a cigarette, I would eat a slice of turkey. It sucks. It sucks every time I've told it. Every time I've told it, it's been bad. No, that's like a Rodney Dangerfield joke. Oh, cool. It is.

That's a great joke writer. I mean, I love Rodney Dangerfield. That's how you can hear Rodney selling that. And I shouldn't be compared to him. He's one of the greatest. Yeah, incredible joke writer. I cut you off. Also, I just want to reiterate, with the shot, my bathroom stuff can be tricky sometimes for me.

Right. Yes, that's what you're up for. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's what's happening. But when I was in the bathroom, I always play a song on there because it's an echo chamber, as we all know. Even though you just recently said, can I quote you?

Of course. The headgum bathroom is one of the best places in the world to have diarrhea, I believe you said. That's because it was midnight and she left the bar to have diarrhea. When no one is around. Yeah, when no one is around. That's an important conditional.

When no one is around. I was at the bar down the. That's an important conditional. When no one is around. I was at the bar down the street, and instead of waiting online, I just walked here, had diarrhea, and went back. She texted me and said, I went to Headcombe to have diarrhea. I'll be right back. Oh my god. There's no alarm?

There is an alarm, right? We have peak hours. Yeah, we don't have to get into it. We know how to get past the alarm. Yeah, we know how to deactivate it. Ha ha ha. I felt like the Mission Impa- Speaking of alarms, I, you know,

in the Mission Impossible 1, where the guy gets up and then he like runs back up, that's how I was feeling in the studio. Oh yeah, they drug him and he's gotta like puke and shit. He's gotta puke and shit, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's gotta puke and shit. Classic Ethan Hunt caper. Does he, does he, he should come back, that guy.

Has he come back ever? The puking shit guy? Is that, I mean, isn't he back? Or is that a different guy? No, it's a different, isn't it a different guy? I think it's a different guy. It's a different guy. It's the guy he has in,

he meets in the restaurant and throws the gum on the aquarium. No, but he's, I can't pull his name right now. I don't, that's just old brain. The guy with the glasses, the nerdy guy with the glasses who, who he get, he- He's back in Final Reckoning and he's been, he was back in- He's back in the newest one. That's just old brain. The guy with the glasses, the nerdy guy with the glasses. Yeah. He's back in Final Reckoning, and he was back in Dead Reckoning. He's back in the newest one.

He was back in Dead Reckoning. He was? Yeah, I just can't pull his name right now. It's not Cry-Check. That's from the X-Files. I don't know if you're right on this, but maybe we're right. Are we thinking of a different guy? We might be thinking of a different guy.

Hold on, let me look at the guy. The guy who barfs and shits. That's a different guy. I can't stress this enough. It's the guy who barfs and shits. That's a different guy. I'm trying to Google Mission Impossible guy who barfs and shits. That's a different guy. I can't stress this enough. It's the guy who barfs and shits. That's a different guy. I'm trying to Google mission impossible guy who barfs and shits.

That's not the, that's not working. No, hold on, hold on. One of the guys, there's a guy you're referencing that's in it, that is in Dead Reckoning. And, but I don't know the, Kitridge. Kitridge is the guy. It's not a Kitridge, you fool. It's not Kitridge.

It's a different guy. I thought you were referencing Kit Ridge. I'm referencing, I'll show you, I'll show you. No, Kit Ridge doesn't shit and barf. Are you talking from the first one? From the first one. From the first one, yeah. Yeah, it's a different guy.

Unless there's a hidden scene with Kit Ridge where you- No, it's a different guy, that's a different guy. Because he's the guy who works the terminal, who's- Don Lowe? It might be Don Lowe. Down Lowe, what is his name? Down Lowe? You know who he is, Don Lowe? It might be Don Lowe. Down Lowe, what is his name? Down Lowe?

Do you know who he is? Don Lowe? It might be Don Lowe. That's fun. Don Lowe? I mean, look, we are wasting so much time, but we are now both need to know the answer to this. There's somebody in their car right now screaming

at us, the answer. I'm excited to rewatch all the MIs, which I'm about to do. Which Mitch, I can say... To get in prepare. To get prepared for Final Reckoning, but I was going to tease this later. Coming next month to the Doughboys double,

Sam, you'll be excited about this. Mank returns with Mank 3, Mission Impa-double. A month of Mission Impossible. You fucked it up. Mation. Mank 3, Mation Impa-double. A month of Mission Impossible episodes leading up to our juke review of The Final Reckoning. So we're going through all of the Mission Impossible movies

over on our Patreon. That'll be a lot of fun. That's right, Wags. What the fuck is that guy's name? I don't know. I can't find the fucking guy. I'm so pissed off. It's the guy where they like squirt the from the fan.

In his coffee. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't know who he is. You didn't know who he was. No, I know who you're talking about. No, that, no, no, no. Oh my God. Tony, I wanna, wait.

Hey, hey, hey, look, we have to get back to the show. We can cut out everything we've just thought. I wanna ask more about Mexico. Please. It's obviously, like, I love Mexican food. It's my favorite, like, food. Yes. Have you ever been to Mexico?

I've been to Mexico twice. Once on a family vacation, it's my favorite food. Yes. Have you ever been to Mexico? I've been to Mexico twice, once on a family vacation, I can't remember where, and then the other time I went to Tijuana for the Boy Scout International Camperee. Oh! I thought you were gonna say something way different. Well, cool, the Scout leaders brought all the Boy Scouts south of the border.

Yeah. It's a Boy Scout jamboree. It's camperee, Mitch. Camperee. Yeah, jamboree is something different. Yeah, I figure. They can do the jamborees in the States. Great.

A great, great food. I love the food. How is the food, how is the Mexican food in Mexico?, like I love the food. How is the food, how is the Mexican food in Mexico? Or how is just like the food scene in general in Puerto Vallarta? Get ready. It's great.

Wow. It's so good. I too, Mexican food is my favorite food. Hell yeah. Type of food. It's so good. So affordable. Absolutely delicious.

Like I said, I'm in Puerto Vallarta. I've been flirting with eating shrimp and fish. Yikes, I don't like to say it, but here we are. Yes. Sorry for getting up, but this is gonna be a follow-up question, because you're a longtime vegetarian. So you have been dallying with, because they have great seafood obviously down there.

Yes, yes, yes. I have, yeah, it's great. It's so good. A lot of, of course, your classics, tacos, not as many burritos as one might think. And different places in Mexico, obviously. That pisses me off. Very, that pisses me right the hell off.

Have you seen any whales? I have. Have you seen the whales? I have. Have you seen the whale? Uh, no. I'm not the whale. Did you think I was in the movie? Did you confuse me and Brendan Fraser? I love the character who came to life.

I've not seen that movie either. My coke says sis on it. Oh, boy. Don't care for that. I know. Yeah.. My Coke says Sis on it. Oh, boy. Don't care for that. I know. Yeah. Why does it say Sis on it? S-I-S Sis.

Oh, I didn't see that one. S-I-S Sis. You think listeners thought it said C-I-S Sis? Why did you print it? Well, I think that's the kind of thing that Coke might pander that degree. That would be insane if they put C-I-S on it. That would be insane, but that's the kind of corporate pandering we see. Yeah.

It says S-I-S Sis. But no, it no, it's SIS, a different kind of pandering. Would you rather a can that says bro or dude on it? Because there's a different option. They have those too. What the fuck do they do? To be clear, I think all of that is, all the options are stupid. But I just realized it said sis on it. So choose what you would want your coke to say to you.

What's the word? The whale. Okay, yeah. I want to say this while I was in the bathroom. Yeah. I just, I played music in there because it is, Echoey, we got it. It's echoey.

And so I played Mexico because I tried to look up the lyrics and it started right on a lyric here that was weird. Lose your load, leave your mind behind, baby James. He's talking about himself. Oh, Mexico. That's the- Wow. Lose your load, leave your mind behind, baby James. He's talking about shitting his own brains out?

I may be. Wow. Or nutting. I mean, I thought it was nutting. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he called himself, referred to himself as Baby James. But I feel like load was a different,

had a different meaning back then. Because there's a whole take a load off Fanny. It didn't mean jack off. That's not about commerce shit. Something else is going on. They weren't telling Fanny to jack off. What a missed opportunity. Take a load off Fanny is not about a big dump.

Yeah. Right? You're right. Fanny also worked for a butt. Yeah. Right? Maybe that is what it's about. Take a load off Fanny?

Butt or a Jiny, yeah. Yeah, pussy area. Also the lyrics are, take a load off Annie. It's Annie? I thought it was Fanny. Wait. It's Annie? I thought it was Fanny. Wait. It's Annie? It's been Annie this whole time?

It was Fanny my whole life. I, okay hold on, I'm gonna confirm this because I just, my quick Google was like, no it's Fanny. The load, I'm looking at the load. Take a load off. It's called The Weight now. Oh it is The Weight.

It's funny that it's called, it was called The Load. Oh shit, I'm gonna get DCM8, all right, stop it, quick enough. All right, here we go. Take a load off Fanny. It is Fanny? Fanny.

Yeah. What's your source on that? Google AI fucking makes. Apple Music. Apple Music, okay. Take a load, it isn't take, I thought it was take the load off, take a load off Fanny. Take a load off Fanny.

Yeah, take a load off Fanny. Take a load for free, take a load off Fanny. And, and, and you put the load right on me, which is also funny. Yeah, that's crazy. That's not about what it all feels like it is. Taking a dump on someone or jacking off on someone. It could be one of the two. Could be one of the two. Whatever gets you off.

You know what I like about that song, the band song, is you watch a video of that, it's the fucking drummer doing that. He's like, playing the fucking drums, he's singing it. It's crazy. Oh, it's the drummer. It's the fucking drummer. It's the fucking drummer the whole time the fucking drummer, the whole time.

I like a- I love a drummer and singer. Absolutely. That's cool. It's so hot. You know what I like about that song? Now wait a minute Chester. I like that part.

I think he tries to tell him to kill a dog or something. Or like a, no, like a, oh yeah, he's like take the dog and he's like now wait a minute Chester. And his voice kind of sounds funny. But he's like, take the dog, and he's like, now wait a minute, Chester, and his voice kinda sounds funny, but he's saying to take the dog and not kill it. Right. Anyways, what a time that was in American culture. All right, back to Mexico.

Back to Mexico. So you say, there's, but imagine the tacos are fucking out of this world. Out of this world. I'm sure you guys have talked about it a million times, but are you a corn or a flour? Corn, 100%. Flour.

Flour, yeah. I prefer a flour, but there, love a corn. Right. The best corn tortilla I've had was in Mexico. Yeah. I went to a place called Pujol in Mexico City, one of the best restaurants in the world. I know the reputation.

And there's like, they have some, they had like ant larva in one of the best restaurants in the world. I know the reputation. And there's like, they have some, they had like ant larva in one of the things and like, and I like wouldn't- Interesting. I, bugs are like the line for me. I don't like bugs. I don't like a chapellinas and stuff like that. I don't want to eat stuff like that too much. I'll eat a bug.

Yeah, we know. Nice. I'm not surprised by that. If you just brought that up out of nowhere, if you said, I need a bug, I believe you. I'm not surprised by that if you just brought that up out of nowhere and you said, I need a bug. I believe you. I'm not a bug guy. Yeah. Like, uh. Day is where we are in bugs.

Amelia, I feel like you eat bugs. Yes to bugs. Okay. I think it kind of depends on the context. Yes to bugs? Like if it looks like a bug, I probably will have a hard time eating it. Right, right.

Okay. But if it's like mixed in texturally, probably okay. I just need to take a time out here. Amelia went, yes to bugs. And then put her mic down. Like she was, you dropped the mic. Honestly, that felt very right. Felt very good.

So like, I've had like a mealworm snack before. I don't like, if it's like a critter that's moving, I don't want anything moving in my mouth. I think, I don't want anything moving in my mouth, but that's a different conversation. But I think they're so like, Amelia's fine just like any sort of bug. Emma sounds like more you're more into

kind of like a snowpiercer sort of situation. Like maybe you don't know it's there. Casey, where are you at with bugs? I have no interest in eating bugs until like society deems it's the only protein. Like we are good. We must eat bugs. Yeah, we must eat bugs. All right, get ready, my boy.

That's full on snowpiercer. I am a, this is the thing, my big thing is, and I've read this before, there's speculation that the reason that people like, you know, like crispy snacks, like crackers and chips is because bugs are such a, bugs are crunchy and they're so nutritious. And so we eat a lot of bugs in the wild,

so we've been conditioned to like them. But anytime I've had like a bug with a little bit of texture, yeah, like a, like Chapulines or something like that, I'm like, okay, I like this. I like the crunchiness to it. I don't mind that there's maybe some legs or something. Like that's why, but once we start dealing with bugs, bugs are like mushy and bugs, or I'm sorry, not bugs, worms.

Worms are like mushy and that to me is gross. That's the line. Crunch, crunch I'm fine with mush, I'm not. Well, the worm I had, that little earthworm, it was crunchy, just to be clear. It was like these little- I'd probably be fine with that. I don't, no bugs.

I don't need to eat a bug. When I was young, when I was a young boy, I remember I was at my grandma's house and I had a Coca-Cola Coke heavy and I took a sip of it and there was a carpenter ant and it was squirming around in my mouth. Well, yeah, you don't want that. And then also the same thing kind of happened

with a fly at one point. So I, you know. Well, hard swallow or no? No, no, I spit it out, but like just the fact that it was in my mouth moving around. Of course, yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that did it. Yeah.

I, yeah, you don't want to surprise Buck. Obviously I want to know I'm eating bugs. Right, I want the choice. I want the choice to eat them. Yeah, yeah, you don't want to surprise Buck. Obviously I want to know I'm eating Buck. Right, I want the choice. I want the choice to eat him. Yeah. Do you know what the issue was? I looked and I was sitting next to Michigan Jay Frog and so when the fly, fucking hell.

Oh right, yes. Forget it. Forgotten, easy. Thank you. Yeah. Our coax got swat, you know, you got it. Yeah, right, yeah. Also kind of a, we were talking about him earlier,

so a little bit of a callback. Yeah, it's a little bit of a callback, yeah. He got it, yeah. He got handsy with the fly. So it's not easy to get weed in Mexico though, or it is? Whoa! It's not legal there. Whoa!

Come on. All right, Kierri. That's sweet. I think if you, it's not legal there. Yeah. Really? But if you want it, you can get it. Right.

And do you want it? I haven't gotten it. But you like to smoke some weed. I'm groovy, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so, but I'm not like, it's not a part of it. Although it's by the beach, it feels like, but I don't wanna risk getting in trouble down there.

Right, yes, yeah, you know what I mean? You don't get arrested in a foreign country. I don't think it's a big sort of thing, but yeah, I don't want to. And it's a lot on the streets of like, hey, do you want weed, do you want weed? You won't blow like it'll slowly like as you walk away, right? We'll get more intense about or maybe more specific about all

the drugs that they have. Oh, man. At our selling. So I haven't. I think you can get it but it's not legal. And it's not a thing like you don't like need it. You're not like someone who's like, I gotta get fucking high. Yeah, I. Yeah, I'm not like, oh my gosh, this sucks. It's like, okay, great, it's fine. Yeah, sip a Marg? Yeah, sip a Marg. Where are you on like,

so American fast food obviously is gonna have a presence in every country on earth. Do you see American chains in Puerto Vallarta? You better believe it, boys. Wow, wow. You better believe it. We. You better believe it. We have Domino's. We have Burger King. We have McDonald's.

Wow. OK. We have Subway. Wow. Which might lead us to some things. But yes, I. It does suck that you came back here to do Subway. No, this is what it's about. I went to their Subway.

They have, okay, I found this very impressive. They have a two-bagger, meaning they're paper bags. You can fit two footlongs in. Wow. And they're not footlongs, I forget what they are. Six inches? No, I forget what their measurement is. Oh, because they have the metric system there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, that's very dumb of me. I should know what they are. Six inches? No, I forget what their measurement is. Oh, because they have a metric system.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's very dumb of me. I should know what it is. 18 centimeters? What's the math? Something like that? Yeah, I think something like that. But they have, you can fit two subs in a bag.

It's pretty cool. 30 centimeters. 30 centimeters? That was way off. Yeah. Yeah, nice try, Wags. Nice try, idiot. 30 centimeters. You're fucking dumb. Yeah. That's 30 centimeters is that was way off. Yeah. Yeah, nice try Wags. Nice try idiot. 30 centimeters.

You're fucking dumb. Yeah. That's 30 centimeters is a foot long? It says 12 inches is 30.48 centimeters. Okay, so roughly two and a half, slightly over 2.54 centimeters in an inch. So yeah. Yeah, I'll be your international,

international chouspondent. Oh, I love that. Let me bring up some things. They had, they also have waffle cut fries there. Okay. At Subway? At Subway. So you get a 30 centimeter sub and a waffle cut fries.

Yeah, and you can also get chicken nuggets. They got nugs? They got nugs, they got nugs. What other, they have like fun, I forget what other, I only get the veggie there. Yeah, sure. Because basically that's what you can get. Do they still get the fucking veggie patty?

That's what they used to have. I don't know, I was never a veggie patty. Me neither, I think those are gross. Their bread is so good. It is so good. We're talking Mexican Subway. We're talking Mexican Subway. Wow. It was, it felt so fresh and so delicious.

And so I could, for days, I would be talking about this bread. Wow. It was so good. It must be different from our subway bread. It 100% is. Do they have Jared's 140-centimeter-sized pants on the wall?

Yary? They do not. Isn't that crazy? Is that where they don't have them? I guess he's still canceled down in Mexico. Yeah, it's still not OK. I guess you can't go to another country, and Jared is enjoyed anywhere else.

Or maybe they just have a different Jared. They might have a different Jared. Yeah. Oh, that's cool. No. That's cool to think about. If they have a different Jared. They've got Pablo down there.

I mean, a good Jared. Pablo never got canceled. Pablo just lost all the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. And yeah, he's a good man. Yeah. Bring him up here. They should pop.

Bring us Pablo. Stop hogging Pablo south of the border. They should just get a new Jared. Someone else can lose weight from Subway. Right? Just get a new Jared. Get a new Jared. You're looking at him.

Me? Yeah. You'd be a great Jared. I don't want to be Jared. You'd be a great Jared. Why? Are we going to find some things? Why, Mitchie? I don't want to be a great Jared. Why? Are we going to find some things? Why, Mitchie? I don't want to be the new Jared.

OK. It's way too big of a shoes to pull. Sometimes it's just a calling. It's not going to be me. Why not? You're fat. You could be the new Jared. I know I'm fat, but come on.

My gosh, you guys. All right, fine. No one is the new Jared. Yeah. No one's the new Jared. I know I'm fat, but come on. My gosh, you guys. All right, fine. No one is the new Jared. Yeah. No one's the new Jared. They should, oh, god. This is how we do it. They'd probably do a lady Jared these days.

Yeah. Oh, oh, sucks. Fucking lady Jared. Scream ass lady. What did you say? The scream ass lady. She was being set up to be the new Jared, and then that scandal broke.

Like, whew, dodged a bullet. We dodged that. I went to, where did I go to? Burger King before I came up. Doing a little research for you boys. Don't worry. I love it. They have Gouda rings there.

Gouda rings? Yes. Like, onion rings of cheese? Wow. Yes, my friend. Yes, yes, yes. And what? Wow. Yes, my friend. Yes, yes, yes. And what?

They also have. What the hell? Although, Betsy, I was staying with Betsy while I'm here. They also have breakfast. But they have breakfast up here, too? They do, yeah. Oh, OK.

Never mind then. Yeah, what a party house you must have right now. You and Betsy and Gilly living it up. Absolutely. Have you guys ordered Taco Bell at all yet? Sadly, no. And I do miss Taco Bell. Yeah.

Because it's different. That should be so offended. Can you believe it? Taco Bell is different. It is there. No. No, I'm saying their idea of Mexican food. No, I looked up at Taco Bell, and it's like two hours away from.

No, of course there's not. But I'm saying coming back here, I miss Taco Bell. It's not Mexican food, it at Taco Bell and it's like two hours away from, no, of course there's not. But I'm saying coming back here, I miss Taco Bell. It's not Mexican food, it's Taco Bell. I'm excited to get it. It's Taco Bell, yes, yes, yes. Oh, they also have a party bucket that has, what does it have? Fries, cheese bites.

Fun. There's a lot of things. Let's see, they have the long rodeo. I don't know what's in that. Is that like the rodeo burger, but it's a long boy? It's a long corn-packer? Oh, yeah, is that what it is? That does sound fun. They did something like that at one point.

Oh, did they? The long chicken sandwich. That's what I wonder. Is it a long patty like the long chicken sandwich, or is it two burger patties kind of overlapping on a sub-roll? I have a picture of it. I don't know. A cheesy hash brown sticks, is that here?

I don't know about that. Yeah, it sounds good. Yeah, doesn't that sound good? Oh, and of course churros they have. Wow. And not too bad. They do have churros here now and they are actually pretty decent.

Really? Yeah, they do. They brought them in for the Addams Family and then they kept them around. For the Addams Family? Yeah, there's like an Addams Family tie-in. I think what it was is that they wanted to get the Wednesday license and then they couldn't. So they're like, let's get the Addams Family? Yeah, there's like an Addams Family tie-in. I think what it was is that they wanted to get the Wednesday license, and then they couldn't.

So they were like, let's get the Addams Family license. Oh. And so they released the Addams Family. But they had like a Wednesday Purple Whopper. Oh. That would tie in with the Addams Family. And churros. And churros, yeah.

I think they were Gomez's churros. I don't remember exactly what it was. Oh, were they Gomez's? I think so. Didn't Thing had something, right? They had Thing fries. Thing fries. Yeah. Or was it Thing onion rings? Maybe they were Thing onion they going to? I think so. Didn't thing had something, right? They had thing fries. Thing fries. Yeah.

Or was it thing onion rings? Maybe they were thing onion rings. You know what I think they were? Thing rings. I think they were thing frings. Oh, thing frings. I think they were fries and onion rings together. Oh. Yeah.

Oh, maybe this is like part of, okay. Okay. But I don't know, the churros, I imagine that the Mexican Burger King is of course gonna be a little bit better. I wanna ask you something about, I could talk about Mexico all day. Okay. Okay. But I don't know the true the churros I imagine that the Mexican Burger King is of course gonna be a little bit better. I want to ask you something about I could talk about Mexico all day. Okay, but I do want to ask you about something else before we get into Subway. Okay. I have just rewatched the four Picard Star Trek movies. Okay. Now I know

you're a track a do you have any thoughts on watching them? Generations- Is Drew more of a Trekkie? Drew is? Drew is, yes. Yeah. Generations, better than I remembered. First Contact, fucking banger.

Just like maybe my favorite overall Trek movie. Insurrection, about the same as I remember. I was hoping to be better, but it is a little bit boring. And then Nemesis, worse than I remembered. Nemesis is just fucking awful. Okay. I cannot believe how fucking boring that movie is.

Okay. They're all kind of boring except for First Contact, which is just a fucking, a triumph. It's so good. Okay, yeah. But do you like any of the Picard tracks? I have a confession. Yeah. I've never seen a Star Trek movie

except for the JJ reboots of them. You should- I saw the three new ones, then when they came out and I was like, whatever. I would say watch just First Contact among the Picard movies, because I think that stands on its own. I don't think you have to watch any of the next generation to understand it. It's just like a good, like, science fiction story.

What about Wrath of Kong? Wrath of Kong is awesome. Those are all, I mean, like, I would say watch all of the original movies. That's six movies, though. That's a big commitment. Of the Picard movies, I think you only have to really watch First Contact. But First Contact is awesome. It's so good.

Yeah, and the JJs are whatever. But like, did you like, do you have any of the Picard, any favorites among the Picards? It seems like you're fine with JJ taking over Star Wars. I said whatever. Okay. The JJs Star Wars are also whatever. Okay.

What do you want from me? No, you're good. Why is the Skywalker's bad? Yeah, it was sure. He was terrible. Yeah, yeah, so was Force Awakens. Well, we differ there, but that's okay. Oh? No, you're good. Skywalkers bad. Yeah, it was terrible. Yeah, so it's force awakens Well, we differ there, but that's all right. You're out of your net. You're out of your mind. That's not also not a JJ movie It's force away. Oh, right. I'm sorry. I was Wait, what no, should I?

No force force awakens is whatever force awakens is whatever right? So Skywalker is bad last today like the the JG Whatever, Rise of Skywalker is bad. Last Jedi I liked. The JJ's start, the JJ's surface is whatever. Both of them rock hard. It's amazing. Nick, I wish I could hold court with you, but I can't. Yeah.

I- Like I also, in fairness, I just watch these. I watch all four of these in the past week. So they're pretty fresh in my brain. Yes. I am more a dating such a person who loves Die Hard. Sure. And this is like, so sad that he's not here.

He'd be so disappointed. Also the amount of information that's in my head about this. But I, so I can't pull them up. Right. Well, First Contact is the Borg one with, is that from Cochrane where they're doing like the, they're going back in time. And it's like, it's like the moment they had

First Contact with the Vulcans. It's really good. I imagine so. I'm praying that I get diarrhea again. I imagine so. Jimmy and I are over here, we don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You've absorbed though a lot of Star Trek,

do you have a favorite Star Trek character? I know you met some of the cast. I did, famously on the cruise. Yeah, Jimmy and I on it at the same time. No, I would never do a cruise. We just were talking about this today. Yeah, that is wild timing. We just were talking about the Doughboys cruise.

If we would do a Doughboys cruise and I said, like, you know, five, like, Wiges locked on a ship for five days with our listeners, he would love to do that. He's like never gonna do that in a million years. Jack Allison said the boat would sink. Yeah. Um.

We have our natural eight jokes that we'll probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They would run out of food, it would turn into cannibalism was another one. There was a lot of stuff already. There's a lot of people who are having fun. I think that would be so fun, because the thing about a cruise is like, you have to, like, it's about the clientele that goes.

So if there's a common like good, such as the Star Trek cruise was was of people who are like, I'm friendly and it's all about love and one common good. So I think you would have, I think the Doughboys fans would be, it would be a fun cruise to go on. I'm sure that-

Do we have to do the podcast? You would have to, of course. Yeah, that's fine. You'd have to do like five of them. Would we have to do the podcast? Like, we'd have to. You would have to, of course. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. We'd have to do like five of them. Would you have to do your job? Yeah, we'd have to. We'd have to do the podcast. Yeah, man.

We'd probably also do like an improv show or something. What are you talking about? Yeah. There'd be a bunch of stuff to fill up. You would be entertaining. Yeah. It just seems so depressing that they would be in like, whatever, Bahamas,

and we'd be like in a little thing in the ship doing our show. It just sounds bad. Well, you don't pour and then do it. It's like in the, when you you're just traveling from one to another. So we only have to do like two or three shows? A few shows, yeah. And then it also depends on who you're with.

You would have to get some fun, what would be a fun partnership. Yeah, you get other people to do, you get other podcasters to do it. You'd get other comedians to maybe do a standup stage. Then you do like a fucking, I was on one, I was on Jordan and Jesse Go. Our buddy Jesse Thorne was talking about going on the JoCo

cruise and it was saying like, they had like a, you know, like a live band karaoke or something. There's just activities that exist. You figure out shit to keep people occupied. We're never doing it. I will never in a million years go on a fucking cruise ship. I know you won't. I know you won't. I mean, like we can, we can blue sky this all we want. It's never going to happen. I will never in a million years go on a fucking cruise ship. I know you won't. I know you won't. I mean, like, we can blue sky this all we want.

It's never gonna happen. I will never ever do it. You will never do it because it's scary or all the details of it are just a nightmare. The details I'd love. It's, I would never get on one of them boats. Oh, okay. I'm not gonna get on one of those fucking boats. Okay.

I'm gonna go on a boat, go out to sea and come back? What are we talking about? I will say, I was right there with you. I'm claustrophobic, not interested, but I did enjoy myself. Yeah. But it was more of like- And once we hit international waters, it's fucking on.

I would fucking throw you overboard so fucking fast. You'd be fucking gonzo. Good luck, I'm fucking heavy. Throw your back out. I don't care, my back hurting for the rest of my life would be nice to know that you fucking sunk like a stone to the bottom of the fucking Mariana Trench or where the fuck we were.

I wonder if you could lift me up. Do you think you could lift me up? 100% I could lift you up. You think you could lift me up? Oh really? You don't think I'm strong? You have to prove it, you have to prove it. I'm a thick boy. If I'm trying not to be lifted, do you think you can lift me up? Oh really? You don't think I'm strong? You have to prove it. You have to prove it.

I'm a thick boy. If I'm trying not to be lifted, do you think you can lift me up? If you're trying not to be lifted, I mean, it would be harder, but you should testify. You don't have to say, but how much do you weigh? Again, you do not have to say.

I will say, I weigh myself every day. This morning I weighed in at 205.4. Okay. So you know, I'm- And with a little subway mix in. Yeah, I'm just over a cruiser weight. A cruiser? I'm like a cruiser weight, the threshold is like 205.

So I'd be in the, I'm just barely in the heavyweight division. What does that mean? Oh. Yeah. You sure your belly wasn't on the towel rack like Homer? Um. Can you lift that? You have to prove it. 100% I can lift you up.

It's just funny for you to sink to the bottom and then there's like an anglerfish. You're like hi, buddy Like like the AI boy just surviving Bunch of anglerfish just come up they surface That was good It's either now or later, but you have to prove it. Are you going to try to lift me? Yes. Where do we go to get on camera?

Now or later, now we're talking. Here we go. All right, wait. Emma's got to adjust the camera real quick. OK. Casey's got it. Oh my gosh. Do you want to stretch or anything or warm up?

Do you have that table in the way? Oh my god. Yeah, what can I do to? Ready? We're doing like a power ball. I could like, of course, if I'm assisting you. Ready? Yeah, go for it. One, two...

Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Did you love that? Approaching him from behind and just picking him up. It felt hot. Look, even if I was hired right now,

you'd have no idea. That was impressive. That was impressive. You're a strong guy. To be honest, how do you feel? I feel like my back is gonna hurt later. You had a tight grip on my midsection, you really went for it.

Oh yeah. I liked it. Didn't want you to slip through. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I might not be the only one who's, we'll notice it with you. I think that being like a big boy, carrying around a lot of weight,

does just naturally make you, Strong. It makes you, you have to be kind of strong to carry. Like, if you're hitting three bills, you know what I mean? Like, you're carrying around a lot of weight. Yeah. You got to, you put on, maybe put on body fat a little bit easier, but you put on muscle a little bit easier too.

So you're just massive all over. I'm not a strong guy. I'm very, like, uh... I beat all the birthday boys in arm wrestling. No way, the birthday boys? Those stallions? I know. Whoa! Like, I beat all the birthday boys in arm wrestling. Yeah. No way, the birthday boys? Those stallions? I know. You took down those studs one after the other?

I know that that's not saying much, but I remember. Who was it? I think it was Clemence. Clem Dog, of course, was challenging us all to arm wrestling in Birds one night. And I think I beat all the birthday boys, but then Clemence, it was not easy. Yeah.

And he's a pretty good arm wrestler, if I remember correctly. There's also like a technique to arm wrestling that I don't know, but people who are good at arm wrestling and not be the strongest necessarily. As much as people would think I don't have a lot of wrist strength, I know people probably think that I have very strong wrists, but I do not.

No, fingies. that I have very strong wrists, but I do not. No, fingies. If you finger wrestle me, I'll fucking destroy you. Thumb wrestle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, thumb wrestle. No, I'm bad at that too. You know when you're like, there's like just, we've talked about this before.

You meet like a guy and you like shake his hand, you're like, that's just like a man. Yeah. And I'm just like a little boy compared to this, like this guy who like, like will just like. Give me a shake. Like, like they'll do like. Whoa, that's a nice shake.

No, which has big baseball mitt hands. But like. Wow, that was nice. I shake Samoa Joe's hand. Yeah. And you're like, I am yet. Yeah, fucking Samoa Joe, yeah. Yeah, he's fucking huge.

There's a lot of guys like that who you're like, oh, that's like a man hand. Yeah. And this isn't as much as of a man hand. There's guys who have like man hands and I don't have that. I feel like a little, and I said this before, like when Samoa Joe was like lifting me around, I liked it cause I felt,

sure you maybe felt that way too. You don't get tossed around too often. He was just lifting you around? Well, like in the show, he like tosses me around quite a bit. Yeah, when you're like a larger person, you don't, you're not as used to that. Natalie used to pick me up. Really?

When we first started dating, she'd be like, just like, quit! Just like as a feat of strength. Like as a... Fucking tossing you in the fucking trash. Trying to... You stay here. Yeah, what would be the context?

Just to like show that she could do it. Yeah, okay. That rules. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you liked it? Yeah. Yeah? Well, yeah. That rules. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And you liked it? Yeah. Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, he also should have said that he was wearing a diaper and a bonnet at this. OK, yeah. That's how she asserts her dominance. Of baby want up. That's fun.

But you know that thing of a person who has, you know, like a, there's like- They got a big grip. They got the grip. Yeah, it's not that crazy to follow. I boxed my dad, even when my dad had cancer and was like- You boxed your dad with cancer? What the fuck?

What are you talking about? Jesus Christ. My dad and I used to like, we used to like, we used to like, pretend to fight. And even when my dad was like, had cancer, was like, probably three months away from passing away, he still could whip my ass. He was, he was, he was strong.

Well, I mean, he feels like a... He was, he was, yeah. He was, he was, he was strong. He was a man. But there's also a generational thing, and I think that, you know, again, boxing, I think there's some technique to it. I, yeah, it's...

I know, my mom was mad at me with his, like, last week alive. I was like, let's go right now, dude. What do you mean? He's punching him in the head. I bet he, like, I bet he enjoyed that. He, you know, he always like sparring with me and stuff like that. That's one of the rough guys. My eighth grade, the only thing I remember

from my eighth grade history teacher is that he taught us all how to shake hands like a businessman, like a big strong handshake. And I was like, this is like one of the most useful skills I learned at public schools. Say, my dad was always like, you give a firm handshake and I always have. And I always get, especially maybe for being a woman,

but everyone's always like, whoa. But it felt like there was an immediate like shift in things. Whoa, hey buddy. Come on up. You all right, Jemmy? Jemmy, get on up. Go ahead, good girl. Come on.

We love you. Because you will run into men who will try to like big dick you with a big firm handshake. You just got to match. You know what I like to do sometimes is I just like to do one of these. A dead fish. Oh yeah.

That sucks. I used to do this a lot when shaking hands. And like make people, make people kiss my mouth or my hand. My brother does that when people go to shake his hand, he just gives like, he goes like this. Like he's like a delicate lady. That like this. He's like a delicate lady. That's awesome.

So here you go. Yeah, and it's like, especially if you don't know someone, they're like, oh. Oh. Oh. That's high society. I think that's nice. There's a lot of guys who will try to, yeah,

like Wags is saying, they really, it's with a thing with just men. They just are trying to. They're trying to, yeah, but then there's also the other thing, the other element is like, sometimes it's like, oh, we're doing like a cool guy handshake, okay, I gotta are trying to. But then there's also the other thing, the other element is like sometimes it's like, oh, we're doing like a cool guy handshake. Okay, I gotta figure this out.

Oh yeah, I'm sure that you never really figure that out. Yeah, I mean, you know, whatever. What's that? You mean what's the cool guy? Well, just kind of like more of one of the, Oh, coming in, shoulders. Yeah, and then there's a whole thing. See, then we figure out we're doing this.

Oh shit, dude, never mind, you're a natural. Oh shit. Oh, there we go. Yeah, it depends, you just gotta go with the flow. But all that stuff stresses me out, I was hoping all of There we go. Yeah. It depends, you just got to go with the flow. But all that stuff stresses me out. I was hoping all of it would go away after COVID, but no, that we went back to touching each other, which is fine.

And going out when sick, you know what I mean? Like, no one cares anymore. But look, you know what I don't need a good grip on? What's that? A Subway Sub. Mitch, well said. This is our fifth- Wow. I segued for you. I said wait for you. Yeah, we said. This is our fifth Ionical review of Subway.

Yeah, we thought. The fourth largest fast food chain in the world. Number one, a chain we've never tried, a chain maybe someday we'll review, maybe someday it will be in the United States. It is a Chinese chain, mix-a-way ice cream and tea now has more locations than McDonald's and Starbucks and Subway.

Now, are there some in the States? I don't think there are any in the US that I can find. So the impetus for this revisit is the topical Subway Doritos Foot Long Nachos. Let me read the combo here. Two legendary brands, Subway and Doritos, are coming together for the most iconic collaboration of the year, Doritos Foot Long Nachos.

That's so unfair to Doritos. Available nationwide. I agree. Available nationwide for a limited time while supplies last, this new snack brings together the classic Crunch of Doritos chips and the fresh, bold flavors of Subway's beloved sandwiches for just $5. The ingredients are, it's a baseline of nacho cheese

Doritos with cheddar cheese sauce, Monterey cheddar cheese shredded, and then spicy jalapeno slices, diced tomato, red onions, and then just kind of Peter North with some zesty Baja Chipotle sauce. You can also add rotisserie chicken or steak at no extra charge, and also add smashed avocado for additional charge.

No extra charge to add them? It comes by default with chicken or steak, and it's actually a whole to do to get them without an animal protein. That's what we found out. Which you found out, Amelia. Yes. So I had to go to the location

and ask for no protein in person. Yeah. And what did they tell you? They said, are you sure you want another one? It's not worth it. Is there a price difference if you don't get meat? I don't think so. I don't think you get a discount. The avocado is extra though. Yeah. Okay. See, that feels like if you're going to get a discount. The avocado is extra though. Okay.

See that feels like if you're gonna remove the meat and add avocado, that should zero out. That's usually the unspoken agreement. If you get something veggie, you get like avocado or extra cheese. You get something that's like... I bet your avocado sadly is more expensive than their steak or chicken. Right, than their horrible factory farmed animal protein.

Last time we reviewed Subway was another footlong gimmick. In February of last year, 2024, Mitch, the Cinnabon footlong churro, the Auntie Anne's footlong pretzel, and the footlong cookie, the latter of which has remained on the menu. The other two have come and gone, and I don't think we were excited about either of those.

Those are both pretty bad. You know, I actually kind of almost feel bad for Jared when there's a new Subway item. Oh my God. He can't try it. That's true. Because he's in bad. You know, I actually kind of almost feel bad for Jared when there's a new subway item. Oh my God. You can't try it. That's true. Because he's in prison.

Because he's in prison, yeah. So Mrs. Foggle has to, you know, like, you know, like, I don't know how she- She has to smuggle it in. She's got to wear like a Marge Simpson's wig or something. Yeah, right, yeah. Because we're talking foot long here. It's not easy to fucking,

it's not easy to sneak in a foot long item. Right. Maybe the sleeve of your shirt. OK. OK. He's always sneaking in a foot long. OK. So we got the Doritos foot long steak nachos,

Doritos foot long chicken nachos, and the Doritos foot long nachos no meat. They even defo go to that same underwear store if you catch my drift. I will say this. We love nacho cheese Doritos. Same underwear store. We love nacho cheese Doritos.

We love nacho cheese Doritos. A great Dorito, one of our top Doritos flavors. Number one, maybe my number one. I was just going to ask. I think you like Cool Ranch. I'm a Cool Ranch guy. I'm a Cool Ranch, which I don't think are like bugs. I don't think Cool Ranch Doritos are like bugs.

I don't think the crunch makes me think of bugs. Mm, right. This makes me feel like you're lying. They're not like bugs at all to me. I don't, I don't, I don't, the great crunch of a, of a, of a Cool Ranch Doritos is not like a beetle to me at all. But it's more like the Neanderthals were eating Beetles and then that got ingrained into their, like, you know,

they got habituated to select for people who like the crunch of, who like crunchy foods. Not my, I don't think my family ate them. You don't think so? You don't think the Mitchells, the Neanderthals, the Mitchells ate the bugs? I don't think the Neanderthals, the Mitchells ate the bugs. Well, they're your grandparents, right?

Yes. Yes, my grandparents are monkey people. You can still talk though, right? Well, I'm relating to bubbles. Send me to the monkey prison. Monkey prison? Well, the monkey retreats. The monkey to retreat.

Bubbles should probably be in the monkey prison, if you ask me. Why? Michael Jackson's accomplice? Oh, no. You think he knew? I mean, Bubbles was ar... I don't know. I don't know what Bubbles knew.

But you know what? I was saying how, wouldn't it be fun for the Hollywood Walk of Fame, I was saying like, oh, you walk on Michael Jackson's star, and I went, hee-hee. Wouldn't it be fun if you paid more and you could have like a little, you could do a little sound if someone stepped on your star? Yeah, that would be fun. That Jackson's star. I went, hee hee. Wouldn't it be fun if you paid more and you could do a little sound if someone stepped on your star? Yeah, that would be fun.

That would be fun. I think that's fun. They should do something like that. What would yours be? Ah, oh fuck. I mean, maybe that. That sound. Oh fuck.

Sorry. Wags, what would yours, hi buddy. That would probably be it. Oh yeah, probably a hey buddy would be most fitting. I mean, this is us getting on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Which wouldn't happen. Which won't happen. Yeah.

Kevin Spacey's is a let me be frank. That's nice. Yeah, that's good. I thought these nachos, so anyway, I like Doritos a lot. And I was eating these nachos and my immediate thought was, and Mitch, I think you had the same thought. What were you gonna say? You step on Marilyn Monroe and it's like,

Mr. President. Like if you could do something like that, you know what I mean? had the same thought. What were you gonna say? You step on Marilyn Monroe and it's like, Mr. President. Like if you could do something like that, you know what I mean? And then there's a vent underneath and blows your skirt up. That's- Yeah. Hollywood Boulevard should-

They should be having fun with stuff like this. That place should be having more fun with it. They gotta have more fun with stuff like this. Hollywood Boulevard. Yeah. Sound like if every star played a sound, so you're just like walking down the street. Just constantly.

It's like, be-hee, oh fuck. God. I'm like- It's constantly happening. That'd be awesome. Awesome for the street. It's like, hee hee, oh fuck. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I in front of the husk of I.O. That's where the Chris Farley star is. It's so sad. Oh. Dustin Hoffman. I'm walking here.

And you're walking there. Yeah. You love that one. That would be an attraction. Come on. That'd be fun. What sounds in the Hollywood stars? I think you should.

I was just there, but what? Because I went to the farmers market in Hollywood. Hello, shout out from the market. What is an IO now? Is it a, is it a nightclub? IO improv, what formerly called improv Olympic. This was an improv theater that was in LA and Hollywood Boulevard for many, many years.

It has shut down, God, five, 10 years ago at this point, permanently closed. Oh yeah. It's been a while. Yeah, it's, it's been closed for a long time. But the Chicago branches where people like Chris Farley, Tina Fey, I want to say. Like a number of famous comedians started off at IM. My team Crud, my improv team Crud,

we went on a run at the perfectly named Andy Dick Black Box Theater. That's right. Andy Dick, another famous one. Yeah. Yeah, the Dick Box. We were in the Dick Box. We're on it. Al Pacino.

She got a great big ass, or whatever he says. That's good. Yeah, I like that. From Heat. Hoo-ah. That one, I guess it should just be hoo-ah. I guess you can't just say she has a great big ass. Right.

Because then a six-year-old girl is going to step on it at some point. It's going to be a whole thing. All right. Hoo-ah is the better choice. Yeah, hoo-ah is better. It'll gonna be a whole thing. All right. Whoah is the better choice. Yeah, whoah's better. A little safer. And there's many more examples that we won't get into.

Right. Wags, I love Doritos. I'm the Dorito kid. You sure are. I never liked Subway. My intro into Subway, I've said this a billion times in the podcast. Sorry, it's boring. I'll go over it again.

There was a Subway ripoff at Ithaca. Do you remember over it again. There was a subway ripoff at Ithaca, do you remember between the two towers? We have the two towers at Ithaca. Just like the rings. Wow. Oh, that's wild. I forget the name of it. It was like, it was just a sub- Subconnect.

Subconnect, yeah, I think it was, yeah, maybe it was like subway connection when I was there. They cooled it up after I left. But in between the two towers of Ithaca and the little breeze was there. They, they cooled it up after I left, but, uh, in between the two towers of it, the little, uh, the little breezeway there. So Saruman's at the top of one of them sub connect in the middle. And I'm the little Gollum that goes down and grabs his sub from the, and it was like, that was my first, like I'm having like a subway shitty sub with icy points or whatever the

fuck it was. But it was like, it was subway. I think it was, I, I'm not sure if it was Subway branded? I think it was, I'm not sure if it was, I think it was, I think Subway supplied them. I'm pretty sure it was that situation, but it wasn't an official Subway, but it tasted just like Subway. Yeah, and you're using the, you're saying Icy,

but that's like your, I think a college currency. Yes, they were called bonus bucks. Oh, oh, I, okay. Bonus bucks is what they were called. So I'd use bonus bucks and you get however many bonus bucks with your, you'd have however many meals or whatever. I maxed mine out. I got as many meals as I could.

You got to. Absolutely. Why not? And so with bonus bucks, you would get the Subway. And I was like, OK, Subway, I've never liked it, but this is like what it tastes like. And then when I got here, two different places, when I lived down on Citrus yes near Wilshire I used to

go to Wilshire and citrus you can go and look at my old place I rented at one point 645 South Citrus and so I when I when I would I would go to Subway and I and that's like when I started eating Subway yeah and it would be the sad thing of like I left the house today and I walked around the block and I went to Subway when I didn't know anyone here at all. This is even before I went to UCB. This is the Jared origin story. This is like a Jared origin story. I didn't know anyone in LA.

Like, there would be like, I knew no one. And then Hanford, like my old roommate, Matt Granite, was like, Mike Hanford's like gonna be there. And then that's when I hooked up with Hanford when we went to UCB and stuff like that. But I like sometimes like going outside of my house would be a win, which still some day as an adult now still the same thing.

You gotta do it. But I would like walk to Subway and get Subway and walk back and that's where I started to get a turkey. You gonna sneeze? No. Tuna fish sandwich. That's actually, You just kept talking.

I, tuna, like a tuna fish sandwich, because my Mamie, my grandma's sister, she had made a tuna sandwich for me when I was younger, and then she got ash in it from a cigarette, and I threw up, and I didn't eat it for a long time. Oh yeah. And so, and my mom makes a great tuna fish sandwich, but I didn't eat tuna fish for so long,

and so at Subway, I was eating tuna fish sandwiches again. And I get the Italian BMT. There was another word for it. There was a different Italian sandwich at Subway for it. The spicy Italian. I mean, it was the spicy Italian. There's Italian BMT, a spicy Italian. I got one of those.

And then a turkey sandwich was like the big one. They started to toast the sandwiches right around this time too, which was big. Do you remember the toast when- Yes, it was in response to Quiznos. Yes. And it destroyed Quiznos. And they put the white Quiznos

off the face of the fucking planet. Which I do think Quiznos is better, right? Quiznos was better, yeah. And then their quality declined as they tried to overexpand, as this always tends to be the pattern with these chains. And their secret weapon was something that was not unique to them.

Like, it's like anyone could just imitate that. So, you know, it was not as much of an advantage as they thought it was. Well, right down, so there was one right by me, but then also there was one right by the birthday boys. Yes. And so I would get, when we would meet for the birthday boys seven nights a week,

I would go and get a turkey sub. When I was trying to eat healthy, I would get a foot long turkey on wheat with Swiss cheese and I would toast it and I would just put vinegar and onions on it. And I actually was feeling, I had the flu last week and I couldn't eat anything and I got it again because it's just almost just like eating bread. Yeah, sure. But I did not like Subway and then I grew to be like, I can eat this bread, like the toasted bread I'm fine eating. Besides Mexico, which now it seems like a taste of home

down there, what's your history with this place? I used to love Subway and I would just get, so I've been a vegetarian since I was a kid. So, and there's like basically one sandwich you could get the veggie delight. The veggie delight. But you can make it any way you want. So I would do a foot long, but I would have on one half,

just American cheese and bread and mayonnaise and mustard. And then on the other half, I would do the white American cheese, mayo, lettuce, tomato, onion, green bell pepper. They recently are, I guess I should say more recently started doing spinach, which I don't know if I like, but I'll do it. Cucumbers. I don't always trust their spinach.

Yeah, yeah. I feel like I've got it. It feels like you're gonna get food poisoning from it. Yeah, and it tastes a little different. Always ask for extra black olives. I love olives. Me too. A few jalapenos in there, because I'm a heat seeker.

On wheat bread. Wow. Did you toast or no toast? No toast. No toast. No, yeah. A veggie sandwich is tricky. Yeah, it feels like, I know you like a warm salad,

but I'm not into it. You like a warm salad. He likes a warm salad. That's right. No, I don't like a warm salad. You love it. I like a regular, temperature salad. Okay.

It's hot. What is that to you, hot? I don't like hot salad. Okay. So my history with Subway is there was a time, I remember Subway opened and it was in Lakewood, California and it was a novelty and being like, oh, Subway, oh, this is cool.

This is like a new place. And I remember that being a thing. You auditioned for Jared. Oh my gosh, as a child. And I went to Subway, it was not a place I went to frequently, but it was a place like, oh, this is a solid place. I can get a sandwich. And then what happened is that more sandwich chains

started becoming, like that became a whole sector of chain restaurants. And then basically every new entrant was just better than Subway. Like, everyone was better. And I will say, Togos existed in Southern California before Subway. And Togos was always better than Subway.

Chris VanArtsdale and huge Togos. Love Togos. Yeah. Yes, Togos. And Chris VanArtsdale and huge Togos. Love Togos. Yes, Togos. And Chris VanArtsdale who did the Doughboyz art and is a member of the birthday boys. And yeah, he loved Togos. I think Togos has mostly disappeared,

but that was a place that was just generally better than Subway. There was one by the birthday boys. There was one by the birthday boys. And they had Mountain Dew. So I love a Mountain Dew. I wrote a monologue for Chris about how he loved to togos and he did it at a birthday boy show.

And Maddie Smith, who we had on the show, got a screw in his sandwich. I remember that famous one. It still makes me, still freaks me out. A screw. Yeah. I got the Heimlich maneuver at a togos. Told this story at the pocket.

You got, someone gave it to you? My dad gave it to me. Yeah, I choked on pastrami. Pastrami. I was eight years old. Oh. I'm like maneuvering a restaurant and people are fucking disgusted.

Wow. Did the pastrami shoot out? Yeah. Did it shoot into some guy's mouth? Oh yeah, and he gulped it. There's some fat guy, shot into a fat guy's mouth and he gulped it. He went, not bad.

Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty basically ex- I verbatim what happened. Oh my God. Another origin story of Jared. That was Jared that it shot into his mouth? Wow.

That is like not bad. Wow, how scary in you, your life to your dad. Yeah, I do, absolutely. And I'll do it in more ways than one. Yeah. You know. You know what I'm talking about. I get you.

His balls. His fucking balls. His fucking balls. I can't imagine what. I don't know who I'd be hosting the show with, Wags, if you had choked to death. Joe Saunders. So.

Damn. That's pretty good. Oh, wow. I'd, so anyway. Do I go back in time and tell your dad, do I convince your dad to just let it ride? Let it ride? Let it ride. Your dad would probably be like. Let it ride.

Your dad was probably contemplating it anyways. Let your eight-year-old son asphyxiate in a restaurant. Then plan his funeral, then continue on with your life. All right, look, it would be pretty dark for him. It would be pretty dark. So anyway. Then plan his funeral, then continue on with your life. Look, it would be pretty dark for him. It would be pretty dark. So anyway. Your dad knew the Heimlich, that's great.

I don't know the Heimlich. I was just gonna ask, do either of you know the Heimlich? 100%, I learned it in the Boy Scouts of America. Really? Wait, don't you think it's changed over years? I don't know if they've updated the Heimlich. Have they updated the Heimlich? I think it's pretty sad.

I don't think so. They also make things now, my mom has one of these, because if you Heimlich someone and you do it incorrectly, you only really get one shot at the heimlich, because if you do it incorrectly, it pushes the air out, but not the thing, and then there's nothing left to push it out. But they have these things now, they're like vacuums,

you can put it over some of the stuff, and it suctions everything out, and you can do it as many times as you need. Well, that's sick. It's cool, because we've had to heimlich my brother a few times, and it's terrifying. Or if you're with people who, I don't know, if you were choking, I don't know if I could,

I'm like, you guys, you're bigger than me. No, like, truly, you can't. You have to like, anymore. I get it, I get it. People who are bigger than you, like the few times we've had to do it to my brother, I'm scared because he's bigger than me. Sure, yeah.

So like, oh, you gotta get these vacuum things, it just sucks it out of your throat. You guys need one here. We should get them for the party. You gotta get one here for sure. We should just put them all over our mouths when we were eating too much too. Just like that.

Yeah. Just like that. I remember, I just got a memory, like a visceral memory when I was like, I was like three years old, like one of those like the first things you remember. Yeah. I was choking him on a little hard candy

in my dad's office. My sister like ran and got him and he like ran down the hallway and I was like choking for a while and then he had to like, high-move me and got him, and he ran down the hallway. And I was choking for a while, and then he had to heimlich me, and the candy shot out of my mouth. Wow. But I don't think my dad knew the heimlich.

No, he just sort of did, yeah. I think he just was just like, I think he probably pushed the air out of me, and then just kept doing it. I think if you're like, with people who are smaller than you, you have better luck. If you're trying to heimlich someone bigger than you, there's more strategy to it. Like understanding.

All this shit is so scary. Isn't it scary? Just your life is just always in the balance. I can just be at home with Wally and Irma and just fucking choke on pastrami and die. Well, you can do it on the edge of a table. No, Mitch, get one for your house. Yeah, like, yeah, a chair.

That would, oh my God. When you, when you, you're- That suction thing you can do to yourself. I'll get you one. It's actually probably pretty handy if you live alone. Yeah. When you- Does it work on other stuff? You know?

You shouldn't let me know. Sucking your balls out. Next time you're constipated, put it on your butt. Oh, it's fucking disgusting. I was gonna jack off with that thing. I should do one before the other, but I don't know what to do. The back of your head is just all brown. Oh, yeah.

And then you try to do it to someone. You're like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry is multipurpose. Dude, that stinks. It was a gift. I got the butt head on. got take my day subway sure fine Here's what I will say

You can use a vacuum to suck the shit out of you no more pushy That's what the issue is not there's not enough air sucking it out of your butt. We, I think we all, we actually all kind of had the same reaction while we're eating these Doritos foot long nachos. First of all, they come in a big long skinny tray. Yeah. So, you know, that they're leaning on the footlong gimmick needlessly. It's just purely about presentation

because there's no reason for it to be in this form factor. It doesn't make it easier to eat or anything. But, and if anything, makes the distribution of ingredients pretty uneven because it's just one long corridor where, you know, Mitch, there are pockets that you and I are having meat versions, pockets with no steak, pockets with no chicken, you know.

There were like maybe four jalapenos strewn apart, it was pretty sparse. I was pretty mad at you because you took a third of the steak nachos, or maybe even more like half of the steak nachos. Who else was having them? Me and you, but still, you went a little hog, you turned into a little piglet.

You were just being a little piglet, that's fine. Is it? Your nose went upwards and a little tail sprung out. And you were at your trough. We're two people sharing one portion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you were a little piggy. Oh my god.

You were just being a little piggy. Because I took half? You were nice and pink pig. And you were troughing away. And that's fine. You were a little piglet. You look cute with your little tail. You're being a fucking little piglet. That's what's going on here. You're being a piglet. You're a little piglet. You look cute with your little tail. You're being a fucking little piglet.

That's what's going on here. You're being a piglet. You're being a piglet. Oh, oh, OK. You wanted your trough all to yourself. You're mad I took a little bit extra. You had more than half of it available. I was just saying I had no steak on it.

But Piggy got his steak. You got some steak. There was very little steak on mine, bitch. The whole fucking point is there wasn't much steak on any of it. I showed you, I had two pieces, two little fragments of steak across my whole portion. And was Piggy happy?

Piggy was not happy. Piggy was pretty angry. It's so funny, I can make a joke about you blowing your head off, but you calling Nick a piggy. I'm like, oh my god. You weren't being a piggy that was very low on stake. There wasn't a lot of stake. Yeah.

Speaking of piggies. She did a little snort. Yeah, she did a little snort. She was snorting at you, fucking piggy. She'd be cute in a little pig costume. She would be.ing at you, you fucking piggy. I'm like. She'd be cute with a little pig costume. She would be. You're really cute. Jemmy should be.

She does make little snorts sometimes. We call her a little piggy. She'll make these little snorting out. And everybody's going to be like, oh, it's a piggy. Yeah, she is kind of a little piggy. That's cute. I don't know. Thought bubble.

Jemmy the bun. I think that. There was no steak. There was not a lot of. There was very little steak on the steak nachos and I do think those were my favorite, but I don't know, the chicken ones were okay too. I just think that's such low quality meat and also this, what is this concept? I'm taking fucking nacho cheese and putting over nacho cheese Doritos, I don't know, Tony what did you think?

I thought the veggie version was the best version just because the avocado was fresh. Piggy's not happy. I liked the, I kind of liked the, I gotta say, they're bad, of course, but like you said, they are Doritos. They are Doritos. And I was, my issue with it is that you, like I think they just toast them in the toaster oven,

right, is that what happens? They're never gonna be like hot, but if you ate these Doritos nachos in the toaster oven, right? Is that what happens? They're never gonna be like hot, but if you ate these Doritos nachos in the restaurant, which is very dire, I think a lot of them, there's like one seat in a subway. At like some locations don't have- Yeah, a lot of them are in like a seven, or in a gas station or whatever, you know?

Sure, yeah, you can't eat, you can't sit down on a lot of seven lemons, I mean, sorry, at a lot of subways and you don't want to. But I think if you ate these in your car at the subway, they're not that bad. Tony, what do you think? Wow, what a ringing endorsement. If you ate them in your car, they'd be not that bad.

Look, I'm just saying. You're just damning with faint praise. What would you think, Tony? I liked them. You liked them? Maybe because it was also my first meal, and somebody was a little late. Do you all know who that was?

I know. We'll figure it out. We'll discuss that in the show. We'll figure out who that was. I know you guys try so hard to get it very fresh. Maybe I'm a time piggy. That's me. Waking up people's time.

It wasn't, it wasn't too long. But what I'm saying is like, I, and, oh God, I hate disagreeing. I thought the footlong made it, so it felt more even to me. I ate- It was interesting. Oh, I guess you guys did get some of mine, right?

Yeah, I stole some of them. Even though it was like the same. Oh, Little Piggy had a lot of it. I, well, I was gonna- I'm surprised you didn't take half of it. I did not take half of it. I did not take half. I didn't take a half of any of them. You took a third.

I maybe took a third. You took a third of Tony's. I did not take a third of Tony's. That's ridiculous. You could have. I wouldn't have cared. I'm pretty sure you took a third of it. Because we were splitting a thing for three people

three ways. So me taking a third would have been reasonable. Just as me taking about a half, less than half, of the thing that you and I were sharing was a reasonable amount for me to take. I took a double oom car plot. What do you want from me? Wags, relax.

I got to ask you, what are you doing after the show? Can I take a guess? Are you going to market? Are you going home? Are you going to have roast beef? Are you going to have none? What are you going to do? What might you say on the way home?

I'm going to say, we, we, we all the way home, right? You happy? Home are you gonna have roast beef are you gonna have none? Hey 2007 that would make sense Nintendo we I'm, well, Garrett. There you go, say switch to, switch to, switch to all the way home. That's making sense. Nobody would say that. Get ready Mitch, because I love what you have to say about me. I ate my whole thing besides the little portion that Nick took of mine. So what does that say? You do not act like a little piggy in the least bit. You are being very normal human being.

Oh. Yeah. The avocado slices, the way it was laid out in this tray, I could see everything. And it was like, I enjoyed it. Oh, would I? Tony? If it wasn't for a show. We're on the same page here.

I think that they're OK. OK. It wouldn't be, I'm trying to think, would I go and get this? No, because it's like, I don't want Doritos chips with all of this stuff. But I was shocked at how much I did enjoy it. Even if it was a little bit later, the chips were still crunchy.

It was a little bit cold, but I still enjoyed it and gobbled it right on up. Yeah. Yeah, I enjoyed it. At the end of the day, it is a bunch of different components that are generally good on their own. So you mix them together, it makes sense. What are you gonna say, Mitch?

Right, yeah. I am, I'm the Dorito kid. Yes. Oh my God. And... What was this? I pulled out two Doritos, I guess, I don't know. Yes. Oh my God. What was this? I pulled out two Doritos, I guess, I don't know. I'm thrilled.

I love Doritos. Doritos can't, I like, the only promotional thing with Doritos we haven't liked is like, the stuffed Doritos, remember I think 7-Eleven had them and those were just downright bad. You should visit the Doritos after dark at the Crypto.com arena, because I went to a Lakers game with a friend

of the show, Pascale's Dave Schilling, and he got some sort of gyro from the Doritos. It looks like you're holding an orb. I couldn't, I'm kind of got orbs on the brain, but he's got a fucking gyro with from the Doritos lounge. And all it was, was just a standard gyro with Doritos, just like nacho cheese Doritos thrown on top of it.

It was so half-assed. If nine-year-old Weiger or nine-year-old Mitch heard you saying, like, he got a gyro from the Doritos lounge, they'd be like, oh my God, the future fucking rules. Yeah, exactly. It's so fucking bad. It's so lounge. They'd be like, oh my God, the future fucking rules. Yeah, exactly. It's so fucking bad. It's so boring.

It should be so much better. Like it should be, the Doritos lounge should be great. But I know it's just a dull apocalypse. It sucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think that this is, as far as Doritos, look. Doritos are good on the Doritos Kid. Doritos are good.

The Doritos Kid. On the Doritos Kid. Yeah. On the Doritos are good. I'm the Dorito Kid. Doritos are good. The Dorito Kid. I'm the Dorito Kid. Yeah. I'm the Dorito Kid. I, and I think putting on jalapenos, putting on cheese sauce, heating it up in the toaster oven, I do like Doritos. I would give me a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos over this.

Yes, of course. But I'm not going to say I wasn't having fun eating those nachos. Okay. I, here's, here's my, here's, first off say I wasn't having fun eating those nachos. Okay. Here's my, here's, first off, I did like the jalapenos on there. That was nice.

They got good jalapenos at Subway. Yes, the jalapenos were good. They breathed a lot of life into it. Wouldn't this have been a little bit better with just plain tortilla chips, just salted corn tortilla chips? I don't, I actually don't agree. You don't think so?

I think that the way that they make it, which Amelia told us, which is insane, is that they go and grab a bag of Doritos from the chip. From the individual bag. An individual bag from the chip case. Really? And they open it and pour it into the sleeve,

and they do that for each bag of Doritos, which is insane. Yeah, because it's just engineered to like, what do we actually have in store already? How can we rearrange these components into a new dish? So the markup, they're actually, for what they are, $5 is not bad for what you get. They put a little bit of meat on there. For them, though, a bag of Doritos is $0.99 or something.

So it's a markup of $4, basically. Well, I don't know what they're paying wholesale. They're paying less than $0.99 per unit. Sure, sure. Yeah, there's no way you're paying $1 for a bet. All right, so you get what I'm saying, though. But I'm saying, like, the price isn't bad, but there is probably a huge markup

with just adding the cheese and their cheap meat, and not a lot of it or whatever. That maybe is why they only add, like, one piece of chicken. Right. Yes, yeah, yeah, they probably say, keep it skimpy. They're probably gonna keep it skimpy, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I guess here's what I will say in defense of the Doritos Footlong Nachos. They were way the fuck better than my sandwich, which was awful. Oh no. I got the hot honey pepperoni sandwich, which was, I think, legit disgusting. This was a pepperoni, first off, hot honey is just done.

This is the official death knell of hot honey, that hot honey is on the menu at Subway. You know that just hot honey is over, right? The point when hot, it's like we saw the same cycle happen with Sriracha. Once Jack in the Box has a Sriracha menu, it's done. It's over. It's just completely exhausted.

The premise has reached its end point. Anyway, this is hot honey sauce with pepperoni and 2x provolone cheese on Italian herbs and cheese bread topped with lettuce, tomatoes, red onions, and the hot honey sauce. A lot of hot honey sauce on there, I will say they were really, really generous with their drizzle. And I just thought this was like get this. I, despite it being exhausting, I do kind of still like hot honey. I have enjoyed hot honey pizzas I've had.

I think it has its place. But I thought this execution of it was... It tasted just putrid. I think it was a combination of the provolone, and, like, the provolone was not quite the right cheese in combination with the sweetness. And then what was really disgusting was all the honey covered vegetables.

Like honey and lettuce and tomatoes was just like a gross combo. I just, I really did not like eating this at all. And at a certain point, I just had to assemble it and just kind of like eat some of the protein. Because that was all bread. It sounds like you fucked up putting lettuce on there. I got it exactly the way that it comes, Mitch.

They recommended it to them like that. I did it the exact way that it comes. All right They recommended it to them like that. I did it the exact way that it comes. All right. I made no alterations to their version of it. They're like, this is the hot honey pepperoni that we have created, they have curated, this is our LTO, here is how we prefer it to be served, that's how I got it, and you know what?

It was fucking bad. I didn't like it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What are you gonna do about it? I'm not gonna call, I'm not gonna, he's mad at me for calling him a piggy, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What are you going to do about it? No, I'm not going to call him. I'm not going to. He's mad at me for calling him a piggy.

I'm sorry. Really? I think he's mad I call him a piggy. But I think you're a great piggy. You're some pig like Charlotte's Web. If we're on fucking Lord of the Flies, Mitch, there's a piggy there and it's not going to be me. I'll tell you that much.

Someone's getting a boulder pushed onto them and it's not me. Someone's getting their glasses broken and it's not me. I don't wear glasses except sometimes. You fucking, oh yeah? Yeah. You saw what I did to you earlier. I could lift you up.

You could lift me up. Yeah, yeah. So over on Lord of the Fries situation, you fucking. Lord of the fries We're Laura the fries we will reign supreme. Yeah, we're not piggy on fucking Lord of the flies You're fucking pig. Don't call me piggy. you're piggy. You're piggy. You're piggy. Boys, boys. You're both piggy.

Both of you are piggy. No need to fight, you can both share the title. Wait, what bread was it on? Italian herbs and cheese. Again, they're recommended bread. And is that, but would that be something that you would get at Subway? I would, these days I would never get something

from Subway unless this was the only option and I just needed food because I was getting lightheaded. But if I was going to get a sandwich from Subway, I'd probably get something akin to what you got, Mitch. I'd probably get a tuna sandwich on wheat. But you got a tuna wrap. I got a tuna wrap. A tuna wrap.

Pfft, tch, pfft, tch, pfft, tch, pfft, tch, pfft, tcht, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, Tuna rap it's the tuna rap. I did my heart wasn't in it. No, I'm still scarred from you calling me piggy on Lord of the You called me piggy first. I Did and I stayed by? You stand by yeah, not a piggy I'm a man You are a man you You're a man. And sometimes you're a little piggy. OK.

Look, things are getting too heated with the piggy situation. OK. I got a tuna wrap. Swimming in the sea, that's what I see. Oh my. Oh my. Oh my. Oh my.

Oh my. Oh my. Oh my. Oh my. Oh my. Oh my. Nice. I used to be able to rhyme.

I haven't done like, I haven't done like a improvised, like a whatever rap. What is it? You don't need to. What is it? What is it? Is that rap battle? No, what is it? Like there's like some rap, they're improv where you like rap. What is it? You don't need to. What is it? Do you have a rap battle? No, what is it? There's like some, there's an improv

where you like rap and rhyme, right? Isn't there like a rhyming improv? Freestyle? Yeah, there's like a freestyle or like a musical improv sort of thing, right? Sure. What are you asking? I'm saying there's, I'm saying,

isn't there like shows like that where you like do basically a rap? Yeah, but you've never done them. No, I don't do them. Do you do them ever? No. Okay, right. I'm not them. No, I don't do them. Do you do them ever? No. Okay, right. I'm not, I used, but I used to be able to do that.

I'm saying. When would you do that? People used to get me to freestyle when I was younger. When, where, at a party? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was gonna say how much alcohol before you started to do some of that. I had alcohol, but I was like decent at it.

I used to be able to rhyme off the top of my head. I can't do it anymore. My rhyming ability has gone away. Okay. But look, I had a tune rap, look, I had a tuna wrap. I had a tuna wrap. No, no, no, no, no. Pfft. Pfft.

I had tuna, lettuce, tomato, onion, uh, vinegar and oil, and pickles, and salt and pepper and banana peppers. Wow. And I got that in a wrap. I thought this would be an easy, like a simple good thing. Right.

But it still sucked. Yeah, it's gonna be fucking bad. What do you wanna expect? Why did it suck? I don't know if it's that thing with subway or I'm like, maybe I do like the, like maybe that shitty bread is like, I kinda just like eating the bread a little bit. But I, like the wrap, I was just like tasting, I was full on tasting like just like

the boring ingredients of the wrap. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I was tasting the boring ingredients of the wrap. And I, and like when they were just standing on their own and you're like, that's all you're tasting, it's so, it's bad. What's the, do we know the calorie difference between like a wheat bread and a wrap?

I don't think it's that. It's like half the, I think it's half the calories. Oh, is it half? Oh, wow. It's like, it's about half the calories. What kind of like, bread is the? It's like lavash bread, right? Is that how you say it's that. I think it's half the calories. Oh, is it half? Oh, wow. It's about half the calories. What kind of bread is this? It's like LaBache bread, right? Is that how you say it? Mm.

Yeah, I don't, because I've, I know in Jersey Mike's, the calorie count is surprisingly similar between the wrap and the bread. Yeah, maybe that's what I'm thinking of. You'd expect there to be caloric savings going over to the wrap, but it's still pretty, you know,

you got a flour tortilla or whatever the fuck, it's still gonna have a lot of calories, a lot of carbs in it. In a white wrap, it says there's 210 calories. In the wheat wrap, there's 230. And in the nine grain wheat wrap, there's 250. Okay. I wonder if that compares to the bread. The bread, I think it says a six inch is 180 and nine inch is 210. So I'd assume a 12 inch. I don't know why they gave it nine inch. I assume a 12 inch is probably twice that. So yeah, it's definitely a little less. Just curious, just curious. Looking in the ocean, what do I see? A tune of fish swimming right at me.

I cast my line and I reel it in, and now I got a great din din. Yes! That's, and you're back, baby. And you're back. He's still pissed I called him Piggy. That sucks. That was really bad.

You're mad I called you Piggy. I am mad. Needlessly. We were sharing something. I'm joking around. I was joking. I was trying to get you mad. You're not a Piggy.

You got me mad. I know. Congratulations. You just accomplished. Yeah, now the you mad. You're not a piggy. You got me mad. I know Thing happened and you're upset by it You dork I was making fun of you I Don't think you're piggy the nachos weren't even that good. There was stuff we threw away. I know is bad sucked I cleaned mine out. We also got a cookie box. Let me just tell, this was a highlight for me.

Oh, really? I think the Subway cookies are not bad. I- You didn't like them? They have a specific Subway cookie taste. Of course. Which isn't necessarily bad. And when they bake them in store, boy howdy, they're intoxicating.

I had the white, the macadamia nut and white chocolate. I like white chocolate. You guys like white chocolate? Not the biggest white chocolate. Where you at, Vince? Whatever, why so? Yeah. You're not pink anymore, you're red.

You're red mad. I'm doing fine. We're having fun. We're having a good time. We're having a good time. And I tasted a little bit. My raps suck. Let's see fun. We're having a good time. We're having a good time. And I tasted a little bit. My rap sucks. Let's see you rap, fucking Mr. Rapper.

I didn't want to rap. Well, yeah, you can. I didn't say it was Mr. Rapper. Let me guess. Oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink. There's your rap. Bitch, pick Elaine! She's gonna be mad or not!

Jesus. My God. Pick a lane! He's going to be mad or not! Jesus! Oh my god. I thought I liked them, but I couldn't do a whole cookie. And it does have just a very specific taste to them. It's definitely got an artificial character to it. I didn't know I would get you so mad if I called you Piggy. Of course. It's fine.

Everything's fine. I didn't know I could get you mad if I called you Piggy. I got you mad because I called you Piggy. I'm not mad. It's fine. You got mad at me. We're having fun. Ha ha ha.

Doh. Ha ha ha. I love it. Ugh. Look. I'm not mad. It's fine. Ha ha ha.

I'm not mad. Moving on. Let's review the sandwiches. You're mad. I'm not mad. All right, good. Uh, um, look, the nachos were're mad. I'm not mad. All right, good. Look, the nachos were, I thought, were pretty good.

And they were the star of the show for me. Can I say this? What about the cookies? Yes. Yes, what about the cookies? The cookies were good. I mean, like, was it Andre Highland who said that they should just be like a cookie store?

Yeah, sure. But like, why subs now? They've lost the Jersey Mikes. They're not, no one, I mean, look, I think maybe Price Point is probably still maybe the best at Subway. It's still not that cheap anymore. Sure, yeah.

It's not, I was shocked. They, $5 nachos instead of, the $5 footlongs are now the nachos basically. You look, you could, like a kid could get full from the $5 nachos and they'd probably like love it as like an indulgent lunch, you know what I mean? But it's like, it's also, that's not gonna be your,

you're probably not going to be a full meal for an adult. I was going to say the, what? What's going on? Nothing. What's going on? Just. He's thinking of when he could slip it in and also, and also like, feeling how upset you.

I think it's, I just wanna say, I think it's funny. It's funny that I called you Piggy and got you so mad that you said my fish wrap sucked. It is funny. I agree. It is funny. I think that was like, here's where I was trying to land about an hour ago. The Doritos Footlongs nachos. I feel like we all had the same reaction, which is how much better would this be if Taco Bell did this exact same gimmick?

Like their kitchens are prepared for doing nachos. Yeah. They have great nachos. I see what you're saying. Yeah, but I mean, like that's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like imagine that. What is this step that we're doing? Yeah. They have great nachos. I see what you're saying. Yeah, but I mean, that's what I'm saying. Imagine that- What is this step that we're doing?

Hey, imagine Taco Bell is introducing our Doritos foot-long nachos. That's just the gimmick we're doing. We're doing foot-long nachos, and it would just be a better execution all around. Every element would be more satisfying. Yeah. And I think that's what we're dealing with here is like,

yes, they've cobbled together something appropriating like a gimmick, you know, trashy indulgence from their existing, you know, inventory. But it's, I don't know, is this a thing you're going out of your way for? Is this a thing we're excited about? Yeah, it does feel like a step of like, and knowing how they fix it now,

it's just like, oh, okay. But it does feel like, what are we doing? Yeah, what are we doing? What is that? I don't, yeah, OK, but it does feel like, what are we doing? Yeah, what are we doing? What is that? I don't, yeah, I don't know. But I do agree with both of you that it was fun, and it was, like, even though I didn't love it, it was better than I expected this to be gross,

and it was better than I expected, which is maybe why I took so much of it. Oink, oink, I'm a little piggy. Ah! Ah! I was going to say, you surely had to appreciate that it was served in a trough. Wags, you weren't a piggy. I never thought you were being piggy.

I do think that there was no meat, steak meat. There was very little steak. I got a chunk of chicken when I ate the chicken ones, but there was literally no steak. There was no smashed avocado either, which is what we originally were trying to get And I will say the slices look good Yeah, those workers there did a good job presenting these yeah I'm sorry. There's no sour cream. No sour cream. No, that's another thing. If this was Taco Bell, they had a fucking sour cream.

We'd be better off without. Absolutely. I'm sorry. So now they do have nacho cheese or has Subway always had nacho cheese? That's a great question. Maybe that is the one new component. I feel like they've had nacho cheese for other sandwiches. Yeah.

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Tell them Nick and Mitch sent you. Look, time has just passed Taco Bell by. Subway. Sorry. Oh my god. I truly was taken back. I, man. Look, let's get to god. I truly was taken back. I, the man.

Look, let's get to our final thoughts while Mitch recovers. We're each going to say our closing argument on Subway and give it a score from Zero to Five Forks. Tony, you know the show. Are we speaking just about the nachos? I think you're talking about the whole visit. Oh, okay. Okay.

Yes, yes, yes. Whatever your thoughts on Subway. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. Your thoughts, your fork score. I'm going to give, I will say with the caveat of I've been on, I don't know why, but a Subway tear. And I think I'm at the end of it, but this has been for two years now, when I'm traveling, I'm like, oh, I want Subway.

And it's not like a taste of like home or something, but there is something where I'm like, I want Subway. And I don't know, and I'm not proud of it necessarily. But you can get a veggie sandwich, which is nice, but there's not a lot of bells and whistles. Right. The nachos, I did enjoy bell peppers. Bell peppers and whistles.

I got bell peppers. Bell peppers and whistles. I got pickle whistles. I have no idea. Yeah, pickle whistles. Pickle whistles. Pickle whistles. I'm going to say, and I did like the nachos, would I go there again for that? Absolutely not. Right. For that, absolutely not. I'm going to say, I think I'm going to give Subway right now. And maybe this is also other Subways, not just in the States,

a three. Three forks, wow. Pretty good score. I know. That's pretty up there. No, I think that's, I'm looking at Subway's menu, by the way. And they do have a cheddar cheese sauce that you can get on their subs.

So I think that's another thing that they already had for the nachos. We were just looking at the nachos description and there's no cheese sauce listed. Just Monterey Jack cheese. Monterey Jack cheese? And cheddar. Also, do they melt it on there?

Wait, what? Yeah, I think it's melted in the oven, but the texture of it was very like, they ladled like, pizza on, right? Yeah, there was no's like melted in the oven, but the texture of it was very like, they ladled like, pizza on, right? Yeah, there was no way that there was like... The press release says Doritos Nachos nacho cheese flavored chips

layered with cheddar cheese sauce, which is what they have on their menu, and shredded, moderate cheddar cheese. So it has two components that maybe aren't listed on the app. The app doesn't say that, which is weird. Mitch, that's your four score. Well, if I had to give the nacho,

if I had to give the Doritos nachos a score, I think I'd give it maybe 3 and 1 half forks. Wow! Just that, just the item. Just the nacho. 3 and 1 half to 3.75, like, not a four forker. 3 and 1 half is probably right where it is. 3 and 1 half is pretty good.

They're not bad, Wikes. They're not bad. You seem to enjoy them. I didn't say anything bad. My God, you fucking want it so bad. What? You can't just stop. I didn't say anything.

But you did. I seem to enjoy them. You love it. You did seem to enjoy them. I thought you enjoyed them. I thought they say anything. But you did. I seemed to enjoy them. You love it. You did seem to enjoy them. I thought you enjoyed them. I thought they were fine. I would not go three and a half forks. OK.

But you finish your thoughts. I'm a little, I'm a self-described piggy. And even I was not chowing down on these things. I could not, I was, and no one was. Yeah. I did. I can't stress this enough. Tony was chowing down on them. I thought that they were, for what they were,

they were pretty good. I think they can barely travel because the Subway toast is just not gonna keep them hot and fresh as nachos, it's just not gonna happen. And that's why I'm saying like, if you eat them in the store, it's just not gonna happen. And that's why I'm saying like, if you eat them in the store, it's probably the best way to do it,

or eat them in your car. My wrap was bad today and it was just so boring. And it's like, I was just tasting with that lavash bread or something, it tasted like nothing kind of. So I was just tasting all those ingredients, I'm like, oh, Jersey Mike's just has better tuna fish. It has better toppings.

And they're like oil and vinegar. And when they put the oregano and stuff on there, it just tastes better. It's a better tasting. 10 times out of 10, I want Jersey Mike's over Subway. There's no time I want Subway. I never even go to Subway. I went to Subway when I had the flu

because I could barely eat anything and I wanted like. Punishing yourself. I wanted bread. I mean, that's why I was like, I'll just get like a loaf of bread for dinner was kind of what I thought. Sometimes it feels like if you're sick, you don't even want flavor.

You don't want any, you just want like, I just need to put calories in my body. And that's where I think like, that's what Subway is. I think Subway does, I think for a lot of people, like working class people, I see people who are like, I see electricians and people in there during the day. I don't know if they're electricians. Working class people.

People with hard hats and name tags are oftentimes on their lunch break at Subway. I understand why it exists. I... And I think it is cheaper. I think it is slightly cheaper than Jersey Mike's. I think Jersey Mike's is a little bit more expensive than Subway.

Right. Also probably, you know, they serve different areas. Subway is everywhere. Yeah, Subway is, and that it's the Netflix thing or whatever, you know, it's the Walmart Netflix thing of like... Biquity, yeah. And it's the Walmart Netflix thing of like biquity. Yeah. And it is just about real estate basically.

But okay. All that being said, the actual score for the restaurant overall, two and a half, two and a quarter forks. Two and a quarter forks. Wow. Yeah. I, that feels right. Yeah. A little Unkar Plutt fork on the end.

Hey, that's a pig man. Unkar Plutt is a pig man, am I wrong? Let us remember that Unkar Plutt famously would want one quarter portion. That is true, actually he's not, oh yeah, actually that would be, if there was the nachos it would be quite a bit. That is true. So he's not, oh yeah, actually that would be, if there was the nachos, it would be quite a bit. Yeah, yeah.

Meanwhile, you're over here and I'm eating my nachos and you're like, that's mine! No way! No way! No way! Okay. What was the roast today? There was a roast today?

Yeah. No, what was the- The deviled eggs. Oh yes, yeah, I forgot we did. Deep dish. I forgot, that was so long ago. Okay, what was the lead? The deviled eggs. Oh, yes. Yeah, I forgot we did. I forgot. That was so long ago. OK, OK.

So the roast was me loving deep dish pizza and deviled eggs. Yes. But then I call you piggy for a moment, and I turned the pot upside down. What was the wait? Hold on. Was that even mean spirited? Oh, there's been no roast that's mean spirited.

The deviled eggs love me deeper. There's been no roasts that mean-spirited. Oh, there's been no roasts that mean-spirited. There's been no roasts that make fun of my weight. Mitch, you do get it a lot. But you were very aggressive. I was having fun. I was having fun, too. What'd you think if it was a bigger thing than it was? We're having fun.

You're going to fucking hog-tie your ass after this episode? God'd like to see you try. Everybody would love to see that. Everybody would love to see that. We had this discussion back. Pops of fucking loot week. We had this discussion back at the- And by hey, when I say hog-tie, I mean literal.

I'm gonna tie up that hog, put a bow on it. We used to back in the days when we recorded at your apartment at Palmerston. Oh my gosh, remember? And that weird table. The glass table. You're offended about referencing your old table? Someone took that big piece of glass. They made out like a bandit.

Yeah, those are expensive. That's nice. It was a beautiful piece of glass. We recorded a big glass table. Yeah, it was beautiful, but it didn't fit where it was. I'm so sorry. It was a little big for the space. But anyway, we had an ongoing thing

where you were convinced that if you wanted to, you could grab me and dunk my head in the toilet. And I always said. Yeah, I feel like I was on that episode. You were around. You were definitely around for this. Amelia's shocked because she's never listened to the podcast and this is news to her.

Yeah. And I said, if I'm trying to avoid you, if I'm trying to evade you, you would not be able to do it. Like you knew it was coming. Yes, if Mitch is like, I'm going to dunk you, you're getting dunked. I'm going to get you sooner or later. I would be able to avoid you, because I have more endurance than you.

I think I could tire you out. And I think I also am just scrambling enough and strong enough to prevent you from tipping me upside down and putting my head inside of John. I think I could do it. And flushing it. I'm trying to picture you guys doing this in that bathroom at Palmerston that was a very tight, small, apartment bathroom.

I'm trying to picture you both in there. Yeah. There's no way Miss would be able to do it. Now here in the echo toilet? Yeah, but like you don't have to put feet above. One, I agree he couldn't do it. Yeah. Whoa, hold on a second.

What the hell? All right. If I'm resisting with all my might. It doesn't matter. I'm like the it follows thing. I'd follow you to the end of the earth. I would fucking follow you slowly and I'd get you. I would get you eventually and I'd get you.

I would get you eventually. Do you still honestly feel like you could? Could I force, he'd fight back. Yeah, there's a fight back. Of course he'd fight back. He's just a beefier, and I don't mean that in a bad way, he's a porkier guy. So like, like Koalik, I could definitely get his head in a joint. Yeah, Koaliki. He's a porkier guy.

So like, like, Koalik, I could definitely get his head in the toilet. Yeah, Koalik-y. There's like people I could get their heads in the toilet. Koalik would kind of want it, too. Yeah, give me it. Oh, no. Don't do it.

Yeah, he lifts his head up above the toilet to be like, you're going to do it, now? Don't put a turd in there first. All right. Don't grab my jar of turds that I have and put one in there. Give me a top three you could put your dunk in the toilet. Okay, Koalik is definitely in my top. For sure.

Is it Frenz? Joe Saunders. You could do it too. Joe Saunders. Joe Saunders though, if Joe Saunders, when Joe gets mad. when Joe gets mad, when Joe gets mad, you don't want to mess with Joe when he's mad.

There's a secret rage within him. Yeah. Oh wow. You won't like him when he's angry. Yeah, he's very hope-like. Interesting, he's very what? Hope-like. Oh.

Can I get Ferguson's head in the toilet? Yeah, you can. I'd probably get fucking Ferguson's head in the toilet. Okay. A third, Weiger. I don't think you can do it. I legit don't think you can do it. Okay.

Who's another weakling friend that we have? I don't wanna say weakling. Ferg's not even a weakling. And Koalik would be scrappy. They're all scrappy. That's the whole thing. If someone is resisting you, if someone is fighting against you and it's one-onon-one I think it's very hard to subdue somebody and then to invert them and push their head into a toilet flush it

I think I could get I think I would like to and I think I could Put Elon Musk's head in the toilet. I bet you could do that Yeah, I think I could if his security is not around if his security's not around and he has like no X weapons or whatever Or like a you know, like no flame throw like he has no no X weapons or whatever or like a, you know, like no. Slime throw or anything. Like he has no weapons at all. I think I could eventually get Elon's head in the toilet. But I guess the other thing, the other element is, like if you're, if you're trying to do it to me,

you're not gonna be like trying to like, you're not gonna be like punching me to knock me out. No, I wouldn't wanna do that. But you might do that to someone else that you don't like. You know what I mean? So like, like it's a little bit tougher to me cause I'm like, you know, I'll be fighting you and then I'll be,

you're not gonna wanna hurt me too bad. Yeah, you're gonna be squealing the whole time? I love you, wise, come on. I love you too, buddy, we're having fun. Did you see the brutalist? No. Okay. Jesus Christ. What's that?

What do you mean by that? I was just thinking about, because for the longest time there was the squeal like a pig scene in Deliverance. And is now the new thing. It's the brutalist. You're a lady of the evening. Is that the new thing?

Like saying you're a lady of the evening in the new squeal like a pig. Yeah. Oh. I don't know. Maybe not quite yet. Not quite yet. It'll get there.

Here's the thing about Subway. I really don't, I just don't like this chain. I don't like to go to it. I think the food is really bad. I thought the nachos were, hey, they were better than I expected. But I just, again, I repeating myself, I think that's damning with faint praise.

Last week, Mitch, on the show, we reviewed Dickie's barbecue pit and talked about its predatory business model and talked about how Subway is basically like the, you know, the agenda of this whole thing. For basically the past decade, Subway has had more stores closing than opening. So it's a chain that is in retreat.

They've closed somewhere between 6,000 and 7,000 locations in the past 10 years alone. Their model involves collecting large upfront franchise fees and then extracting a lot of revenue from these stores, so much so that it's like that a lot of these places can't turn a profit or can't even sustain themselves. And then they, and they're franchisees who,

yeah, the tyrannical small business owners exist, but there are a lot of these are just like, you know, immigrants trying to live their version of the American dream and they basically get hooked in by a Ponzi scheme from the Subway brand. And they sometimes force store closures, there's a read about this, for an offense as minor as using the wrong kind of soap in the Subway bathroom.

So it's just like, this is just a shitty company. They're a bad company with a bad product. And yes, Chick-fil-A also a bad company, but at least I like their chicken sandwiches. Bad company rocks. Don't compare them to bad company. A company with values that are contrary to my own, values that I certainly find repugnant,

but certainly a better arrangement for franchisees and for their workers especially. I don't feel like that's the case with Subway. Do you say repugnant? for franchisees and for their workers especially. I don't feel like that's the case with Subway. Did you say we're pigment? I did not say we're pigment. Pfft. Pfft.

Pfft. Pfft. Anyway, let me decide how many poops I'm going to give. I mean, forks. Ha! I never thought you'd be mad at Piglet, because you have a Piglet tattoo on your leg. This is a tiger.

Oh, it's a tiger. It's a tiger. Oh, I thought you had a little Pig Piglet because you have a Piglet tattoo on your leg. This is a tiger. Oh, it's a tiger. It's a tiger. Oh, I thought you had a little Piglet. It's not a pig. It's a badass tiger. Thank you. I wasn't taking all that into consideration for my-

I know, I know. I'm not even saying you should. I'm talking about my own review. Like, look, whatever. I look at this shit because this is our world, and we've reviewed Subway five times. Ultimately, I just hate their fucking sandwiches. I think they suck, and I think they're a bad company.

And we're coming on year 10 of the podcast. I'm done giving charity forks. One fork for Subway. Fuck Subway. Wow! I like it. This place is horrible. I'm putting my hooves together for you right now

because you know what? I am a little piggy, and I like it. Yeah. I'm also a little piggy. Pigs are great, because you know what, I am a little piggy and I like it. Yeah. I'm also a little piggy. Pigs are great. Cute and smart. Pigs are great.

Pigs are cute and smart. You're basically the smartest animal. You love that shit. You love being a fucking doctor dictionary. You love saying all your stupid shit. Doctor dictionary? Yeah. What?

Oh, such a 80s bully thing to say. Well from this guy. Doctor Dictionary over here. I've never put anyone's head in the toilet to be clear. I'm not a bully, except it's fun to be a bully here. Have you ever gotten your head in the toilet? Yes, I've been bullied way more than I, I haven't gotten my head put in a toilet,

but I've been bullied way more than I've bullied people in my life. I got close. I'm from Bully Friends. In Boy Scouts. I got close to get my head in the toilet and I fought him off I fought two kids off So, you know, yeah, I mean but they were well, what are they Scout Masters or were they scouts? They were scouts. They were two older scouts two older scouts. One of them was my patrol leader Boy scouts America horrible organization Yeah, one of them was my patrol leader. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my gosh.

Boy Scouts of America, a horrible organization. Don't enlist your kids. Hey, we have food stuff, and we're going to decide if you should put it in your mouth. It's snack or whack. It's my shoe. And Mitch, since we've got macarons this week, it's mac or whack.

How about that? Wow. Why is this right? Let me bring these in. Nice. Audrey Rowe, my former agent, this is the truth. Okay. Left, I think she's left the agency business. Wow.

And she's making, how do you say macarons? Macarons? Macarons? Macarons? These ones have one O, the other ones have two. They have one O? I thought they had two O's. No, I read the packaging when it got here because I was curious. They're macarons, not macarons, right?

One O, yes. Because macarons are the coconut ones, we won't ever list them all. Macarons are the coconut ones. We won't ever this with Jamel. Macaroons are the coconut ones. These look like the coconut ones. Were they in the freezer? I can't get a straight answer on this. Wait, these are macaroons?

I thought they were macaroons. Fridge, okay. These are macaroons. Audrey said she likes them. So these are rose, rose, rose. Hold on a second. Wait a minute. These look like macaroons.

They are macaroons, they're artuos. They're artuos? They are macaroons. Oh, I don't know how to read. Okay, I thought these were macaroons. I had macaroons in my notes. I literally checked the other ones. These are macaroons. They are macaroons, they're artuos. They're artuos? They are macaroons. Oh, I don't know how to read. Okay, I thought these were macaroons. I had macaroons in my notes. I literally checked the other notes. These are macaroons.

Is macaroons a thing? One of the O's is small. One of the O's is small. That's why it's hard to read. Macaroons are the fucking sandwiches. Oh, okay, thank you. The dainty little sandos. I feel like I always, okay.

And these are macaroons. Macaroons are the coconut guys. And then macaron is the French president. There's four. So you and I have to split. All right, we can do it. All right, careful. Here we go. You go first.

Oh, here we go. Here we go. Oh my God. I'm sorry for calling you pig. You don't need to apologize, it was fun. Okay, what did we got here? Did you really not like my fish wrap? That's what this is about.

I like the Max rap better, but you had more time to craft that. But I thought it was a- Wait, what's the Max rap? That was what you did the show. Oh, the poetry? Oh, the poetry. The slam poetry. Yeah, sorry, the slam poetry.

There we go, thank you. I like your Max slam poetry better than your improvised fish rap, but they were both good. In all fairness, Mitchie's gonna do another rap at the end of the show. Jesus Christ. What the hell are you doing? You just snapped at Amelia for helping you?

What the fuck, Amelia? Oh my God. Oh wait, is there, no, no, there's not. Oh, there's some extra. So why does we don't have to share? Phew. Oh, I love it. I have these two.

You have two. So you need a peanut butter and a dark chocolate. Does the term to hog something come from someone being a little piggy? Oh, wait, there's just one less. I'm sure that's out of the box. Why does we only have to split one? OK, which one are we splitting?

So wait, what do you have over there? I've got a peanut butter, which I can't have I've got a white chocolate and a dark chocolate Oh shit, so that doesn't we have to split the regular one. We'll split the plane. They're work out great Oh famously these are these are rose macaroons My old company. I wonder why she left the business after having me as a client, but you know She was also my lit agent. So as a client, but you know, she was also my lit agent. So what's on the side there? Plain, milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate,

and peanut butter. So we have white chocolate, we have dark chocolate, we have peanut butter, and we have milk chocolate. So we don't have plain, I guess, is the only one we don't have. Rosemax.com is the URL, R-O-W-E-S-M-A-C-S.com. We should- Gluten free, Wags. I love that.

For people not in the biz, a lit agent is someone who represents you as a writer. That's right. Sort of for literary. Yeah, at CAA, my former agency. I'm not at CAA anymore. Audrey is great. Yeah.

And she's following her passion of making macaroons. So let's give it a try. I think this is great. I'm gonna just bite into this one. Is that okay? Which one are you starting with? I'm gonna try the regular first. Okay, great. I'm gonna, I guess, uh, Tony, what do you open up? Oh, I'm sorry. I opened up the white chocolate. Here you go. Should we all? All right, thanks buddy. Very cute. Do you want to try the original? Wait, this is the original. This has a chocolate base, though. I don't have a, okay, so this, the milk chocolate is the original? Yes, this is the original. This has a chocolate base though. Okay, so this the milk chocolate is the original. Yes, is this a milk chocolate? Okay, it's a milk chocolate. Okay, I'll take a bite of this sumbitch. I'll take sumbitch. Fuck, that's fucking good. That's

pretty damn good. I was worried the chocolate was gonna overwhelm it, but it's actually just a nice compliment to the coconut. That's nice. And I'm not a huge coconut guy, and I like this. I'm a big time coconut guy. Really? Where do you stand on coconut? I think I'm in the middle. Wow, how about that? The three bears.

Yeah. Oh. Who's their little goldilocks? Do I not chat me? She can't eat any of this. Yeah, she can. That's damn good. Yeah. Yeah.

What do you want next, Wight? Wait, can I have the rest of this? Do I have your permission? Oh my God. It's a crumb. I hope people are watching. He was one flake of coconut. It was truly so tiny.

Wee! Wee! That's me being mad. That's not him. No, um, which should we do next? I opened up the white chocolate. All right, let's do that. White chocolate next. Okay, great. I'm opening up the white chocolate. Oh, I got two milk chocolates. My bad. So I guess you guys didn't have to share.

We didn't have to share. I'm just gonna squeal again. Thanks a lot, Tony. I think you could have bite into one of these at the same time. Lady in the trap this. I don't want to try. We have lady Nick. I would have tried. We have Lady in the Tramp in the past.

Do we have like a knife or any sort of utensil? Because if I can, I can I can bisect this and we can all, we can share some bites. Amelia. Jesus. Mitch. I was going to say, do any of you guys not care about eating half of a bite? No, I don't. All right, great.

What am I going to ask? Amelia. What are you doing? Crazy enough. Yeah. I'm a bit of. Crazy enough. Yeah. I'm a bit of a white chocolate skeptic. Me too. But you know what?

I maybe like this more than the milk chocolate. Yeah. I like this. I think I've grown to like white chocolate a little bit more as I've gotten older. Maybe that's part of it. But yeah, I'm a really big skeptic. I'm shocked by this, that I...

Well, you guys... And then take that guy. I'm gonna cut this up yeah oh wait did you write did you have an actual yeah that one's not open there we go here we go yeah I like maybe it's different I don't know I as I just said like white chocolate it is good yeah yeah it It is good, yes, yeah. It is good. It's very good. Wanna do peanut butter next, cause Wags can't do it, so we can quickly, as he's cutting things up here.

Yeah. About 110 to 120 calories per pop here. Here's a question for you. You bet. Do you like salt on a chocolate chip cookie? Yes, sometimes I actually do, it depends. Me 100%. I think I love a salted chocolate chip cookie.

I love salted caramel. Man. Yeah, that's a lot of fun. I don't have a peanut butter, maybe that was the mistake. Oh, there is no peanut butter. All right, you want this peanut butter? Is this a peanut butter? You don't want me to just? No, this is dark chocolate.

You don't care, do you? No, you don't care, do you? You don't care, do you, babe? you don't care, do you? You don't care, do you, babe? I did not call you babe, just road record. I know, but it feels like that's what that bad boy was. I like that a lot. Peanut butter is maybe my favorite one, Wiley, so I'm sad you can't try it.

That's all right. It's all you. All righty. I have Unkar plutted all of these into quarter portions. I'm going to move these over to the dais when he wants to try some. That's all you. All righty. I've, I've, I've uncur plated all of these into quarter portions. I'm gonna move these over to the dais when anyone wants to try some. That's so nice. There you go. I did like that one.

I, I'm. Let me try the white chocolate. And I'm a peanut butter fan. But I like the white chocolate better. And I think the regular one better than the peanut butter. Well, that white chocolate sneaks up on you. It's good. That's nice.

Isn't it? That's a surprise winner. It's good. That's nice. Isn't it? That's a surprise winner. So these all come, in the box they last about, I think Audrey said they last about three to four weeks. They're all individually wrapped in kind of these little condom wrappers, or so I've been told, is what condom wrappers look like.

And they freeze well, right? And they freeze well. Audrey likes to freeze, she says that she, she said to put them straight in the freezer. Oh, interesting. We put them in in the freezer. Oh, interesting. We put them in the fridge. Yeah. And they taste pretty damn good.

Yeah. We're onto the dark chocolate here. I'm not gonna eat dark chocolate. You're having it now? I just ate it. Oh. All right, here we go. That's really yummy too.

Ah! That I think is my favorite. I just think dark chocolate pairs really well with coconut. I mean, I mean this in a complimentary way, it reminds me of a Mounds bar. Yeah. It's like a fancy Mounds bar. Fancy Mounds bar, yeah.

Fuck, that's really good. That's nice. Isn't this so much better than the fucking Subway we ate? Isn't this like way the fuck better? It is way better. Yeah, man. It's way better. Not even on the same planet.

Yeah. You're so. I think you're mad at Subway. You are mad at Subway. Yeah, you're mad at Subway. It sucks, the podcast sucks, you know this. The podcast is bad. Well, it's okay, that's fine.

Yeah, I know, it's fine. It's just what you were saying earlier, everything's so fucking bad now. Everything's fine. Yeah, no, it's fine. It's just what you were saying earlier. Everything's so fucking bad now. Everything's bad! We thought things would be good. Our prestige so is fucking last of us. What are we supposed to do? The world is so bad. It's all fucking bad. I'm a little kid. I was like, oh, there's a video game show on TV. Oh, cool. You know, like, I'd be so fucking excited. It's just like, everything's so fucking stupid and bad.

And you are about Twisted Metal. You are about Twisted Metal. I am excited about Twisted Metal. Hey, Twisted Metal's great. But, you know, we just need more better stuff. Subway is, it just sucks when the stuff that already sucked. Subway was like a concession you would make. It's like, fine, fuck, I'll get Subway. Oh shit, I gotta go work at my birthday boy's house and for seven hours I'm gonna get some Subway.

I'll eat Subway and it'll be fine. It just doesn't cut it anymore, Wags. It doesn't, and why not get Panda Express? Like if there's a Panda Express in the same, you know, mini mall, I'll go to Panda Express every fucking time and spend about the same amount of money and have a way better meal. Wags fork revision, one fork for me as well.

Wow! All right, I would like to revise. But I'm not taking in their practices into account. And maybe I'm part of the problem. Because you said that's not what we're doing. It's not what we're doing. I gave Chick-fil-A four forks. So whatever.

Do you like Chick-fil-A? They have nothing for me. Oh, right, right, right. And also, I don't support them. Wow. Yeah. So I don't support them. Wow. I'm gonna revise to two forks. That's fair. Two forks. That's pretty good.

Was it three to two? Yeah. That's pretty good. Broken plate club for sure for Subway. How about this, dipping your cookie in milk or milk substitute, does it enhance the experience or ruin the texture? Especially a Sub subway cookie, I would dunk that some bitch and some milk.

Yeah. Milk alternate though, I don't know. Does that work with milk in a? You can do it with the soy milk, sure. Yeah, as someone who, yeah, doesn't like, and I grew up, we've talked about this before, was like a chug and milk type of lady. Yeah, love it.

But no longer. And not because it doesn't agree, just because I think it's crazy. But I think a milk substitute, still good. Yeah, I agree. Still great. And if you get an Oreo cookie and you soak it a little bit, and then, oh, that's even better. I feel like it depends on the type of cookie.

Do you, do we, so we went over, went across the street before we recorded, got some, got some coffee. You requested a soy, a hot soy latte. The coffee shop over there doesn't have soy milk anymore. I've noticed this trend. They like, as far as substitutes milk, soy milk is getting, is going away. The dodo, you're seeing a lot more oat milk and almond milk. Was Linda Richmond over there or no?

She was. Yeah, okay. She was getting a little verklempt though, so I left her alone. That's fair. Yeah. From coffee talk, Linda Richmond, okay. Oh, you got it, it just sucks.

Talk amongst yourselves. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. That'll work. Ha ha ha ha. Yeah, that's crazy. I think oat milk, it is creamier and nicer. But I need more protein

and not that I'm getting it from soy milk, but it does have more protein than that. Almond milk to me has too much of a taste to it. I agree. That like, it kind of a, it's just a different vibe. But yeah. I don't like almond milk and it's also like super wasteful to produce.

Oat milk I think is pretty energy efficient and is also like, it gets the job done for me. But I like soy milk. And when I had a dietician who I was consulting with to keep me from hurting my body too much from this bad podcast, she was very much like, yeah, soy milk is the one to go with because it's exactly what you're saying.

It's got the most protein. But yeah, and oat milk is pretty nutritionally inert, and doesn't add a lot. I know it might not mean a lot, but I love the podcast, so. Tony, that's so nice. We love having you on the podcast. Thank you, Tony. Well, I'm just saying, you guys get down about the podcast,

but you have a lot of fans and a lot of people who like it. We have a lot of funny friends who make it good. We do. That's the whole thing. Hey, that was, check out Rose Macaroons again, that URL is- Hey, snacks all around for me. Snacks all around.

If I had a rank, I maybe would go peanut butter first for me and then dark chocolate is right there. Dark chocolate was intense. Dark chocolate was intense. Yeah. I would say, and then white chocolate and then the regular, all of them are snacks and all of them are good.

So, the milk chocolate, my fourth ranking, but still I thought was good. I'd be curious about Audrey's process here and how macarons ended up being the thing to land on. I'm just curious about all this. We'll get some context for her. Hey, just like your restaurant, I value your feedback. Let's open the feedback. Today's email is from Ben.

Ben writes, in January at the grocery store, I found Pepsi vanilla nitro on the shelves. Never heard of it before, bought one, and it was so good. I went online to see what people thought about it and found out it had positive reviews, but also that Pepsi discontinued it. I bought it literally the last day it was on the shelves. Are there any sort of grocery items that are discontinued that you crave?

Oreo flavor promotions are past Ben and Jerry's pints or soda fads, et cetera. Wow, thanks for the question, Ben. Pepsi, vanilla, nitrile, you know, our buddy JF from YKS is saying that the decade of Pepsi. It's the decade of Pepsi. It might be the decade of Pepsi, frankly. And then once again, I just want to clarify that.

Jesse is a dipshit. So I don't know, I really don't know if it's the decade of Pepsi, but maybe it is. Maybe it is. I'm like, the Pepsi limited varietals I've had have been mostly pretty good. The Pepsi, the vanilla, what was it? It was cherries and cream, was that what it was?

Or strawberries and cream? Yeah. That was a really, really good variant. I totally missed the vanilla nitro, but that sounds real good. I'm intrigued. Maybe I'll try to track it down. What'd you think? It was great. Fuck! Are we saying nitro like coffee? Yeah, vanilla nitro, but that sounds real good. I'm intrigued. Maybe I'll try to track it down. What'd you think?

It was great. Fuck! Are we saying nitro like coffee? Yeah, like nitro coffee. Yeah, it's like a Guinness where you gotta open it and do a hard pour. It's got like a foamy ass. So it's coffee in it?

It sounds awesome. There's no coffee in it. Or the way they do it is a nitro. No, it's just carbonating. Okay. Yeah, it's carbonated with nitrogen instead of CO2. So it has to be like in a widget in the can. They can't put it in and just can it.

You have to release the carbonation as you pour it. Nitrogen is one of my favorite elements. How about you? Yeah, nitrogen's up there. I probably... Helium's pretty funny. Yeah. Look, if you ask a Mount element more of comedians,

helium is always gonna be up there. Absolutely. Because it makes your voice funny. I like carbon, because I think it's just a pretty important, you know, foundational element. We're carbon based. We're carbon based. That's the whole thing. And then also oxygen.

I mean, giver of life. Oxygen makes it onto my... But if you're going to put oxygen on your mount element more, are you not going to put hydrogen? I put that on the... I mean, like obviously those two slots, hydrogen and oxygen, I'd probably give in two pound Russian reds. Yeah. Yeah.

And then as far as the rest of it, I mean, I've always had the noble gases I've always had a sort of a soft spot for. Maybe throw an argon on there. But I think there's a, I think there's a case for the ones that have an element that does not look like what the element is. Like, isn't iron like F-E or something like that?

I like it when the letters don't match how we say it in English. Potassium is K, right? Potassium is K, that was real good. Yeah, I like that a lot. What were they doing? Man, I don't know. Noble gases is cool sounding.

It is cool. Yeah. It's cool sounding. Noble gases? Noble gases, yeah. My dad was- It sounds like a guy who loved to fart and he was like, oh, my noble gases.

It does sound like a guy who likes to fart. Okay, the question was discontinued grocery item that you crave. And- It's funny because the dough boys have done the actually exact opposite of this where we've multiple times, we're gonna do the pickle menu today,

and we looked from Popeyes, and then the pickle menu was discontinued. What else, this just happened. Like a year 11 days after they launched it, or something ridiculous. Oh, that sounds delicious. Well, the problem is that we had this issue. Taco Bell, we had this issue.

Oh, really? We did this with Taco Bell, remember we were gonna get- There was some like Alex Earl burger that- The Alex Earl burger. We just missed the window for that. We always get the, we try to get the thing the day it ends. So we miss out on it, but we were gonna do the pickle menu,

but then also all they had left was pickle lemonade, pickle frozen lemonade, and a pickle chicken sandwich, which is like- Oh yeah. You couldn't, you could drink the drinks, I guess. I like pickles. I got chocolate in my hand.. I got chocolate on my hand. I still got chocolate on my hand.

We believe you. Here's chocolate. I know I went to the bathroom during this. Here's one. And this is one that I don't think has been made in 20 years, but there was a Cap'n Crunch, cause we know Cap'n Crunch, and we know Cap'n Crunch oops all berries. There wasn Crunch and we know Cap'n Crunch oops all berries.

There was a time when they had Cap'n Crunch's oops all choco donuts. And so this is a chocolate donut cereal. Wow. Our buddy Jim, as our buddy Jim Woods said about this, that's a pretty big oops. Yeah. Because you're making something completely different

than Cap'n Crunch, making oops all choco donuts. Jim is 100% correct. But this was a good ass cereal that I just don't think you can find anymore. I've said this here, in Australia, the zinger sandwich from KFC is still a thing. Oh yeah, they still got the zinger over there. The zinger.

Yeah, cause Ben's specifically asking about grocery store items. Oh, grocery store items. But if we're generalizing it to all things, I mean, I'll always talk about the Bell Beefer from Taco Bell, bring back the Bell Meat. Sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, basically their version of a sloppy Joe with taco meat.

Oh. Whoa. Maybe for the decades menu, they'll bring it back at some point. You think they'll do it? They should. I wonder. The Bell Beefer, that's fun. Yeah.

I. Fun to say. Yeah. Man, there's a lot of. It's fun to hear. There's a lot of grocery store. Oh, man. You know what I loved? Rice Krispie Treats cereal. It's fun to hear. There's a lot of grocery store, oh man, you know what I loved?

Rice Krispies Treats cereal. Oh yeah, do you remember that? Do they still make that? That was fucking good as hell. It was like Rice Krispies treats basically in cereal form. But different than Rice Krispies. Yes, different than Rice Krispies. There was little pieces of the treats.

Oh I didn't know that. As cereal. Rice Krispies existed as like a home recipe, the kind of the American cooks organically created Rice Krispies treats, and then the company took that back and made their own package Rice Krispies treats, and then ultimately made a Rice Krispies treats version of the cereal.

Yeah, it was fucking good as hell. So yeah, the Ouroboros of influence. Yeah, it was a good. It was like the feeling of eating, sorry. The feeling was, was I doing too much with my hand? The sensation, it felt like you were really eating Rice Krispie treats. Like it tasted like Rice Krispie treats.

They did it. Whatever chemical equation was in there. They did it. And then do you remember this? I wasn't a big mushroom. I wasn't a big marshmallow fan in cereal, but I'm sure you remember this one. I know you know it,

but the Nintendo cereal was half Mario and half Zelda. Oh, cute. There was one on each half. Yeah, that's a really fun gimmick. I think the Mario one was good. Whichever one, there's one that had marshmallows in it, and I think the Mario one didn't have marshmallows in it and was good as hell.

Yeah, I think the wood only one was better, but I can't remember any of them specifically. I just remember the gimmick of them both being two cereals in one box I thought was dynamite. What were the squeeze drinks? Squeeze-its. Squeeze-its. Squeeze-its were fun.

Squeeze-its are like, they change the form factor of all these. Like, they're just in regular bottles now or whatever the fuck. Which is maybe good. Which they also did for like resunds. Yeah, not a hard, thick plastic. Things they have.

Which we were drinking out of. Yeah. Squeeze it's worth, but also was that, look, is that the nostalgic lens that I liked them? Is that why they were, you know what I mean? Yeah. I wonder where we are with fun shapes for mac and cheeses.

Cause I remember mac and cheeses used to have a bunch of like, I just like, like I like the texture of the spirals better than the elbows. And I don't know if they make the spirals anymore. Like you get like Spongebob shaped mac and cheese noodles that sometimes are really like fun and squishy. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I was in the story and it is, it's the brutalist. They have brutalist shapes for mac and cheese.

Oh, wow. So like Guy Pierce's head with a mustache. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then like, um. One of the structures that he builds. A T with a mustache. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then like, One of the structures that he builds. A T-square. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fun.

Yeah, it's fun, it is fun. It is fun. I think sometimes it would just really change the taste of those. Like the mac and cheese would taste different. I agree. Okay, so this is a tangent, but I'm curious, especially you two, your answers.

I didn't want fettuccine Alfredo, but I wanted spaghetti Alfredo. Because the noodles taste different with the sauce, right? Completely reasonable. Right? That's a must. You know what I would take over both of those? What? Trump. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and the noodle combination. Different noodles are made for different types of sauces too. You get a bucatini that's like a spaghetti, but as a whole in the middle is for certain sauces.

And then you do shells, or the spirals are for certain sauces. It's all on purpose. Thank you. You'll eat something that's awesome, and you'll be like, I'm getting too much noodle. You know what I mean? Sometimes you're getting too much noodle, and you want more sauce.

It messes the equation. Totally agree. I think that the ratios are important, and I think you've got it messes the equation. Totally agree. I think that the ratios are important and I think you gotta pair those things appropriately. The other one that comes to mind, this is another sweet treat. The hostess Chocodile,

which was like a chocolate covered Twinkie that they discontinued. Oh, whoa. And I used to love these fucking things. And also Chocodile is just fun to say. It is fun to say. It's like crocodile, but with chocolate. I wish I had one.

I can't, wow, you could really pull these up. I can't think of a single thing that I miss or is not there, what? Well. Oh, stop it. If you have a question or comment about the world of teen restaurants. He's a little piggy.

Can I just quickly say, I call Wally, my cat Wally, a little piglet. Sometimes my dad used to call my cat Zip a little piglet. It's a term of endearment to me, Wags. Aw, that's so nice. I love you. Love you too, buddy. Aw.

Oink oink. If you have a question or comment about the World of Chain restaurants, you can email us at feedback at birdfuck.com. Or leave us a voicemail at 830. Go to that's 830-463-684. Are you saying birdfuck.com? Yeah, our URL now is birdfuck.com.

I'm so afraid that this is like a shine box thing where you're gonna kill me. No, I'm not gonna, why do you think so? Why do you think that? Why is it birdfuck? Or you guys already discussed it. We discussed why it's birdfuck. Mitch had a dream that he registered a URL

called birdfuck.com. That is true. And so we registered it on the podcast and then we decided to make it our official homepage. I woke up from a dream which I likefuck.com for all these doboys. Back when I didn't use my CPAP, I never had dreams. Oh, now you're sleeping. And now I'm sleeping.

But no, but this is before I used my CPAP. So I had a dream about like a website, birdfuck.com. Wait, so you don't have doboys? I think it's because my god sister sent me a video of a bird fucking. Yeah. Are you serious? I don't think we have any sort of doughboys URL Do we it no no, it's doughboys podcast calm redirects to bird fuck. Okay, great. Great. So you do have that

doughboys podcast calm redirects No boys podcast.com, okay. Yeah, we're also inpodcast.com. Okay, yeah, it works out. We also own Bird Pluck. That's right, Bird Pluck also. Bird Pluck is a little bit more G-rated. G-rated, J-rated, yeah. J-rated. J-rated, oh God. Nice, okay, wow, wow, our lives are jokes.

Our producer is Emma Erdbrink, our associate producer is Amelia Marino, our supervising video producer is Casey Donahue, our video editor is Mike Dorfman, Doughboys merch is available at kinshipgoods.com slash doughboys. And hey, as I mentioned, Mank returns, a Mation Impottable. Mation Impottable.

Of Mission Impossible episodes leading up to Junk. Rolls right off the tongue. Mation Impottable. Only at Patreon.com slash doughboys. The one and only Tony Charlene Ramos. Tony, thank you so much for being here. Oh, a pleasure. What a delight. What a hoot. What a joy. And you can take us out on a goodbye rap if you'd like.

I would not take that, because I know you've been thinking about it the whole time. I have not been thinking about it. Yes, you have. No, I have not. Yes, you have. Tony, do you have any plugs? I don't. Okay, well, there you go.

Now it's time to end the show. We I don't. Okay, well there you go. Now it's time to end the show. Weiger and Mitch say we gotta go. The go. Goodbye rap, it's the goodbye rap. Goodbye. Hey, I'm Tony Hale. I'm Matt Oberg.

And I'm Kristin Schall. And we're going to be hosting the new podcast, The Extraordinarians, where we are going to be interviewing extraordinary people, doing extraordinary things, things that we have never and probably will never do. We talk to people who have broken records on slack lines suspended by hot air balloons. We're talking to people who have done multiple flips on trampolines. You'll have to tune in to find out how many flips they did. Subscribe to Extraordinarians on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. And watch me. God, in three. Watch it on the YouTube. There's new episodes that we release every Wednesday. We do. I've never seen you cry before. I know.

I don't know how I feel about it. This is upsetting for all of us. They don't let us pray for lunch. They do. The podcast is so competitive, they make you just talk and talk. Guys, we're watching a spin out. Please subscribe. Oh man.

Extraordinarians.