Doughboys - Subway with Fran Gillespie

Episode Date: September 3, 2015

Fran Gillespie (Funny or Die, Comedy Bang! Bang!) is Panera Bread's #1 fan, but she sits down with the 'boys to discuss another bread based eatery: sandwich shop Subway, whose reputation is in peril after its pitchman's recent guilty plea. Plus, another edition of Drank or Stank.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What if I were to tell you about a fast food chain that has over 40,000 locations in 110 countries? What if I said that even at its current mammoth size it remains one of the fastest growing restaurants in the world? What if I added that this company's advertising budget alone is north of $500 million? You'd assume all was fantastic, but all is not well with a sandwich chain founded by Connecticut friends Fred DeLuca and Peter Buck as Pete's Super Submarines in 1965. For its massive expansion and ubiquity in the public space was tethered to the face

of the franchise, a regular Indiana customer who credited a sandwich diet with his massive weight loss, who starred in dozens of commercials for the restaurant and made countless public appearances on its behalf over 17 years. At one point, this chain's internal estimates attributed up to one-half of its growth to the bespectacled Hoosier who served as its living mascot. In until just a few weeks ago, no one knew his dark secret, the horrific crimes to which he has pled guilty and for which he now awaits sentencing. Preceded by Scandal, how can this chain its franchisees and the frontline employees it

calls sandwich artists move forward? For years they've implored us to eat fresh, but now we ask, what's next? This Week on Doughboys, Subway. Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weigar alongside Mike Mitchell, the Spoon Man. How you doing Spoon Man? Wow. That was dark but spot on.

Well, it's a dark subject and I don't think we need to go into detail on anything here and I hope we avoid that as we get into discussing this week's chain, but we got to tackle it. We're not an explicitly topical podcast. We're more interested in the historical perspective and in exploring the world of chain restaurants as a cultural phenomenon rather than each news development, but this is a big story and we would have covered Subway eventually anyway. It feels like the time is right. I agree with you.

I'm doing well. How are you doing? I'm doing good. I've been listening to this book about food. Fuck, now I can't remember the title. It's by Michael Pollan. It's the Omnivore's Dilemma, that classic, it's like one of those classic food books, modern classic food books.

It's really gotten me to thinking a lot about whether history will judge the two of us, if we're remembered at all for this podcast, but if we will be judged as a person, we won't be. That won't happen. But in a hypothetical where we were, if history would remember us as monsters, because there is so much like, I don't know, I feel like that we accept culturally meat-eating, I'm a meat-eater, you're a meat-eater, and we sort of have accepted this as like a thing we all do, but it's also kind of hard to mount an ethical defense of it.

This book isn't explicitly about that, at least not yet, but does kind of get into the idea of that factory farming, which is what makes chain restaurants possible, which what makes the kind of food that they serve in large portions for affordable prices achievable, is something that's so horrific for animals to experience. We're kind of on the end of indirectly, at least promoting this culture of animal exploitation. Very interesting. Yeah. I think, like physically, I think we'll always be remembered as monsters, but yeah, I thought

about that too, when we evolve and we paste or whatever in the future, we'll be seen as these monsters that ate these cute animals. Why did you settle on paste there? I'm looking forward to those days. I don't know, it seems like it will be a sludge or a paste or something. I got you, yeah. There was also, I remember there was a time when they speculated about a food, they speculated about a pill that would replace food, like a pill that would be a total meal replacement,

and they always wondered about that when they were like, that was like the Jetsons thing or like the sort of 50s and 60s futurism of that's what's going to happen. Why was that ever a goal? Because eating itself is pleasurable. It's not like, ah, this fucking delicious food in my mouth and having to chew it and swallow it just sucks. People like that, that's a fun social activity that's part of life. When you think about the basic things that bring you happiness and stuff, it's like entertainment

and then food and eating and love or whatever, I guess, is the last one. I really thought the third one you were going to name was like the New England Patriots. Oh, the Patriots are definitely fourth, okay. I mean, there's so many people that don't watch them, I feel bad for them, but yeah, I mean like eating food is one of those basic joys, so I feel like are we going to all gather around and like eat the paste together? All suck down the paste at the same time, I don't know, that doesn't seem as fun. Yeah, I don't think we're going to be emptying vacuum tubes of paste into our gullets and

having the same sort of pleasure as you do at Thanksgiving with family. What if it tastes good? Who knows, maybe it will taste really good. I don't know. Yeah, we don't know. Well, that's also a thing we experienced when we were tasting those Lays a few weeks back of there were these chips that kind of tried to taste like everything, which is another sci-fi thing.

The idea of like, oh, you've got this tube is filled with an entire meal's worth of flavor. Again, I think that's just Jetsons pretty much, I think you're pulling everything from Jetsons. My only point of reference for a dystopian future is the Jetsons be a cartoon. No, I don't know, I mean, I feel like, again, why is that a goal? Because I think part of the joy is that things taste different and they have different textures and flavors. I agree with that, too.

I don't know. We're maybe getting a little too highfalutin here at the top of the Doughboy's podcast. I like it. Also, before we go any further, I just want to give a big old... To Spoon Nation. What does Mr. Hankey from South Park have to do with Spoon Nation? You can't just take another property that's popular and graft it to your branding. I don't want to say howdy-o to Spoon Nation.

That's like when a frozen yogurt company takes a Peter Griffin image macro and posts it to Twitter as saying like, some fro-yo sounds like a plan or whatever Peter Griffin says. That reminds me of the time I had extra toppings. It's... Mr. Hankey is an unearned affiliation with Spoon Man. I thought it was earned. Okay. All right.

Are you accusing me of being like the fat Jew on Instagram? I think you are of the Doughboy's staff that being you, me, and our producer, Dustin Marshall. I'd say you are the fat Jew of the three of us. I guess I am the biggest guy. You are the biggest guy, even though ethnically and from a religious standpoint, you're pretty far from being Jewish, I'd say, and certainly in food habits. According to my religion, yes. Yes.

I'm not Jewish. I am not Jewish. I'm like a Catholic boy. And the Jewish people killed my God. Okay. All right. Let's not get into that again. Let's introduce our guest.

We're very, very happy to have her from Funny or Die, Comedy Bang Bang, The Upright Citizens Brigade, many, many places. The very funny Fran Gillespie is here. Hi, Fran. Hi, guys. How are you? We're doing great. Just want to confirm that you don't need to be dead and gone for people to consider

you monsters. That can happen in life. They can do it right now. Yeah. People already do think we're monsters. You're right. Well, thank you guys so much for having me. Oh, of course.

The Monster Squad is happy to have you. Thanks. We're not going to be the Monster Squad. Why not? All right. Fine. We are. Approval by the squad.

I'm looking for it. So many nicknames have been added to the pile by you over the weeks, bitch. Spoon Man and Little Wags the Burger Boy. They make up the Monster Squad. I just realized that the phrase nickname must feel so weird to you, Nick, because your nickname is Nick. I know. Absolutely.

And actually, I use that to my advantage as a kid a lot, because I would say that I had the best nickname because I'm Nicholas, but the original nickname is Nick. Here is the other thing I would do. Because I rode this out for all of elementary school. I would get a kid to be like, hey, ask me if I have any nickels. So hey, ask me if I have any nickels. Do you have any nickels? No.

I'm Nicholas. Oh, that's... God, you're funny. No wonder why you got the shippin' naughty all the time. But if you have a nickname, then I have a friend name and you have a mic name. Oh, my God. Does nickname literally come from Nicholas to Nick? I don't know the etymology of nickname, but...

Someone tweeted at us. Someone's got to know out there. Someone will figure it out. Yeah. That's a thing that's like a Google search away, and I've never cared to look. I don't like words that have my first name in them. Like franchise. Oh, interesting.

I don't like it because it sounds too much like my name, and I feel uncomfortable when I meet a man named Frank. That's my middle name. That's the weirdest confession I've ever heard of my entire life. I can make it weirder. My name is Mike, which is a very... Michael is my real first name, and everyone... But everybody...

So many guys are named Mike, so I was always the last name. People were always like, Mitchell, Mitch. Yeah. That just kind of became your thing. If you're a Mike, there's a huge chance that you're going by whatever your last name is. When I worked at Funny or Die, there were several other Knicks, including another Nick W. I already claimed Nick W, so at that point, I became Weiger, and I was just Weiger.

But also, I feel like I've gotten the last name a lot because Nick is just common enough where if there's a few Knicks around, I'll be like, yeah, Weiger, that's fine. Yeah, it's weird. I was in my sketch group the birthday boys, and Mike Hanford was there, and Mike Hanford... Everyone calls him Hanford, too, but if you say Mike within our group, if you were at a meeting, you were like, hey, Mike, it would be for Hanford. It wouldn't be for me. Sure.

I was just always Mitch. And then people would introduce and they'd be like, what's your name? I'd be like, Mike, and then Dave Ferguson would be like, no, you're Mitch, idiot. It's probably weird when you hear people say to your mom, like, Mrs. Mitchell. No, you know what? It's actually weird because my friends will be like, Mitch was telling us about that, and then they'll be like, oh, yeah, they're the Mitchals. They're all Mitchs.

He's Mitch. Mike isn't just the Mitch. Yeah. It doesn't bother me too much, but I really will go by anything. I don't care what anyone calls me. Oh, my God, Mitch. Have more self-respect. You don't care what anyone calls you?

I just truly... You'll answer to anything? When I introduce myself to people now, I'm like, I'm Mike or Mitch. People call me Mitch, and they're like, what do you prefer? I'm like, I don't care. Don't do that. Don't put the onus on the other person. I can't.

I truly don't care. Oh, make a choice. That's like you go first or me. I don't care. You hang up. Well, I'm fine. Oh, man. Do you encounter other frans all that often?

No. I've never met another female fran. Really? Yeah. Never? No. Wow. No.

I guess what are what even celebrities? I have Frances McDormand, maybe? Does she go by fran? Francis Bean Cobain. Francis Bean Cobain. That's a good one. But they're both Francises. Yeah.

Fran Drescher. Oh, Fran Drescher. That's a good one. The worst thing is, if it's like loud, and I say my name is Fran, someone's like, what? Actually, you know what, people will say things that aren't names before they say Fran. Like in a bar, it'll be like, what's your name? I'm like Fran. They're like, Cran.

And I'm like, no, think of a name. It really annoys me. But then I will say, no, like the nanny. Oh, my God. It's how you get in a cross. I thought your name was Cran up until the start of the Spockhouse. To you, I'm Cran. Okay?

And that's just set. You will always call me Cran out of respect. Oh, my God. Fran, now you were gracious enough to volunteer your time to come on the Doughboys podcast and discuss Subway, which we'll get into in a minute. But we normally let our guests pick a restaurant they'd like to discuss. And when we came to you, we were very direct in terms of we do want to discuss Subway. If you're willing to talk about that, you're game for it, but you are a fan of Panera Bread.

Panera Bread is my absolute favorite restaurant. Wow. I really morally felt a little bit uneasy about doing a podcast about Subway, which I don't really have a ton of negative things to say about because my heart is and always will be with Panera Bread. Sure. It is hands down my favorite restaurant. It has healthy choices for low prices in a clean eating environment.

Oh, my God. How did this, I just, I wonder, because Fran, you lived in New York. I lived in New York, but before that, I mean. Which has, you know, any food you could want in the entire world. Panera. Okay. So before. Okay.

I grew up in Chicago and we had... Also has the best food on like two of the two cities that have the best food. You can get anything you want there. But Panera, but go on. We grew up near a St. Louis bread as it was called before. It was called Panera Bread, which means bread bread. I didn't know that history. Yeah.

So St. Louis bread started in St. Louis and then it was in the Midwest and then it became Panera bread because they didn't want it to be so regional that it was just going to be called St. Louis bread. So my family never, ever, ever ate out. I'm one of five. It's too expensive. We never ate out. On Saturdays, we get a pizza, but on Fridays, we were able to get Panera and it was like

so close to us and then it became like a hangout spot after school. And so I became very, very attached to Panera. Okay. Your you pick twos, your bagels, they really do have it all. Oh my God. What the fuck? I'm serious. Your broccoli cheddar.

Okay. Your you pick two. And I'm just going to tell you this now. All right. Your you pick two with like a Greek salad and a broccoli cheddar in a sourdough bread bowl. That's just all you can ask for. And now I grew very attached to it. This particular Panera bread, an old person was parking in the lot, which was right outside

the window. And instead of pressing reverse, they pressed accelerate and drove through the window of this Panera bread. Oh my God. And they almost hit someone. And someone I went to high school with jumped in the way to save the person they almost hit. But there were a couple injuries.

So Panera bread. Anyway, that's the Panera near my house. It seems like an experience that would make you want to go to Panera bread less. No. The way they recovered, okay, it would the community gathered. Okay. The window got fixed within a day and we were up and back in business. This is Chicago.

Now I moved to New York. I'm devastated because there's no Paneras around. I find out there's one in Queens. So I would go to Queens to the Panera in Queens. It would be like a 45 minute trip. But I go to that Panera in Queens and it was by a movie theater. And so I'd go to Panera and then I'd see a movie and they were some of my fondest memories. So going to Panera bread and then to the movies by yourself?

No. I'd get someone to go with me. Okay. I did it alone a few times. Those are some of your fondest memories? Is going to Panera bread and then to a movie? Yeah. One time I got a tuna fish sandwich from Panera and then I brought it to get Richard I trying.

And I was... The 50 cent movie. Yes, that's right. And I was heckled very hard because it's a smelly... Yeah, you had a big smelly sandwich. You smuggle a smelly sandwich into the movie theater. I think you deserve it. Yeah, rightfully so.

Especially to the 50 cent movie. Yeah. Lo and behold, I worked on 30th Street. I also worked on 26th Street and right smack dab in the middle on 27th Street. They're opening a Panera. Wait as they opened it while you were there? They are opening it now. They open it while I was there.

Oh, there you go. I'm just beside myself with joy. I decide... I find out when the opening night is and I decide to throw a party there. So I invite about 100 friends to the opening night of Panera. How do you have 100 friends? We work at UCB. You can come up with 100 emails.

I don't know. You just friends loosely. I gotcha. Okay, just like, maybe I, you know, see... So this is more about you and your Panera night than anything? No, no, when I throw parties, it's about my friends. Of course it was about me. No, at my birthday, it's for my friends.

So I throw a party there, but it was closing at 10 and I got a DJ or I had like a sound system set up and then we got kicked out and because it was loud and we were taking over and then a bunch of people tweeted at Panera, Panera asked me to follow them. I followed them and then Panera sent me a DM that was like, hey, I heard about your party. Sorry, it got shut down and I was like, that's okay. And then Panera and I were kind of like DMing back and forth. And Panera was like, we love that you love us so much. And I'm like, who couldn't?

And they're like, oh, you seem like our kind of girl, truly a flirtation. With a corporation. A DM flirtation with a corporation, like something that would have gotten me in trouble. And it was like, it was like one shade beyond like asking for pics. It was like flirtation. You almost like dated a Panera bread. You somehow almost dated an entity. Well, in my mind, it was like I was dating Panera and I loved Panera so much that I was

like flirting with Panera. Oh my God, Fran. Panera just sends you like a blurry photo of a baguette at some point. What they did send me is they asked for my address. Whoa. I gave it to them and then they sent me $100. That's amazing. Yeah.

And the Panera vouchers, I assume. It was like a Panera card for $100. That's badass. Yeah. And do you still have an online relationship at this point with this chain? No, I ended it. I haven't interacted in a while. No, I ended it.

Gotcha. I wouldn't feel right at this juncture. Well, just out of curiosity, we're not reviewing it today, but what would you give Panera bread? I think I know the answer. Out of five forks. Five. Five forks. Five forks, yeah.

Makes sense. All right. Well, Panera, if you're listening, she still loves you. You still regularly go to Panera Bread, then? Not in LA. Oh, there. There's not one close to me. There is.

There's one in Glendale. Yeah, there's one near me in Santa Monica. It's walking distance. And there's one in Burbank. Okay, but there aren't a lot. So there's Glendale. Glendale's like, yeah, but not a lot. It's really interesting to hear the history of it where you're kind of like a walking

encyclopedia for Panera knowledge. And it's kind of, it's really, I had no idea this was the thing that existed in Chicago like, you know, 20, 30 years ago, because it was, like within the past five years of Panera opened in Santa Monica, and I was like, oh, this is like a new thing. I guess that's just another, like it was more of a local chain that just gradually expanded to the West Coast. Yeah, that's right. Interesting.

Well, so what do you go, like if you go there, like what would be your regular order, what's your favorite thing to get? I would get a you pick two. And like in my earlier days, I would always get soup in a sourdough bread bowl, but then you like eat the bowl. Obviously, you guys know what a bread bowl is, but it's like, you're gorging yourself. I mean, if you have soup and you eat the entire bread bowl, you're like going to be sick. That's a lot of carb, that's a carb heavy meal.

You're eating a loaf of bread with a soup inside of it. So now I'm trying to be better and I would get like, you know, just a soup and a salad. Yeah, I feel like the bread bowl is like the lunch equivalent of if you get like just a big stack of pancakes or a big thing of waffles or french toast when you have like those heavy breakfast breads with a bunch of syrup and like you start eating them and it's great. And then like, like you've got a third left and then you're just powering through it. Like you're finishing a half marathon trying to eat all this bread and you just feel like

shit afterwards. Sierra turkey sandwich else is also very good. Sierra turkey sandwich. What's on that? Turkey, red onion, lettuce, like kind of like a Chipotle kind of mustard. And then it's on sourdough bread. Oh, interesting. They make the bread there.

Actually the only thing that Panera doesn't make there are the, well, I almost go and the pop are the pot. Like, of course, they don't make the soda on them, but they import the soups, but they make the bread there. There's a bakery. Wow. I can't believe you care so much about Panera bread. It really...

It's actually what was so painful about agreeing to do an episode about Subway. I feel like you'll have, we have to have you back to just do Panera. I mean, I think when we tackle that one, who else would we have to... Jared. Yeah, Jared. Well, boy. Before we get into that, one thing about you Fran, I find interesting is you were a Spanish major in college, is that correct?

That's right. That's right. So you're fluent in Spanish. That's right. Okay. Wait, that's true? I was a Spanish English major in college and I speak fluent Spanish. Oh my God.

So does that ever, because I feel like sometimes you'll go out with like a French speaker to a French restaurant and they'll order in French or something like that. Like, has speaking Spanish ever affected your food service interactions? Absolutely. Any time I can, I speak in Spanish and it is unfortunate, but the main times I'm interacting with a native Spanish speaker would be in like a service industry situation. Gotcha. I feel no shame about thinking someone's Hispanic and just diving right into it.

And 90% of the time, people are receptive. Like if I'm like, oh, look, how are you, are you occupied today or if I'm like, esta noche, you know, esta casa, or whatever, like small talk you make with a service industry person, 90% of the time they're receptive and they're like, oh, this white chick speaks Spanish. And then 10% of the time it's like, okay, fuck off, like, because I also have a white person's accent. Sure. And it's like, if you guys were in a different country, would you feel like patronized if

someone was like, hello, how are you? Maybe, but maybe you might find it helpful. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like I'd be charmed. I would love to speak another language. I feel like if I wasn't in another country, if I went to Spain and I could speak fluent Spanish, I would be in heaven. If I went to France, like Paris, I mean, that would be great.

I wish I could speak it just to be around here. I studied Latin in high school. Well, you're just one step away from knowing a lot of languages, if you know what I mean. That's true. I'm the furthest away from knowing any language. I didn't study like I should have and I'm like, oh man, I don't know anything. But especially in Los Angeles, I feel like it would be super helpful. People and the thing is people will, if they know I speak Spanish and I establish that

I speak Spanish, like with a service industry person or like a valet, they will like make jokes back and forth. And it's funny. Yeah. They'll make fun of the people that I'm with. You know what I mean? Like they'll be like, oh, ¿quién es él? Like tu novio, ¿qué pasó con él?

And then I make like, I don't know, it's more fun for me. Are you making fun of Nick and I right now? No, I'm saying that if I go to a place, they'll like make fun of, man, I'm with me. Yeah, sure. You can get your boyfriend, you know, that type of thing. And then do I get better service? I mean, no. I don't think, do I get discounts?

I mean, I don't, I don't really think so. It seems like all you're benefiting from this is that you're getting some cruel mockery of your loved ones. Whoever's kind enough to take you out for a night on the town is getting her like relentlessly insulted. The only thing she loves is Panera breath. There's no human that she actually loves. I know.

If I could be with Panera, I'd be with him, but. Moving on from Panera to another restaurant that claims to have baked its own bread in house, although really I feel like that's oftentimes they're reheating frozen loaves that arrive subway. So that's this week's restaurant. As of this recording, we certainly know the scandal that has befallen the chain due to the nightmarish crimes of Jared Fogle, who is awaiting sentencing. Maybe by the time this is released, his sentence will be announced, but I guess the place to

begin is the first Jared from Subway ads. So I've got this queued up on the phone. This was, this is just titled The Beginning, but this was the one that I think originally aired in 1997 or 1998. Including lots of walking at the heart of Jurid's routine are Subway sandwiches at Subway. You can choose from seven sandwiches with six grams of fat or less, and they all taste great food for thought Subway is the way a sandwich should be and there we are. Um, can I say my first takeaway from that?

Of course. Like even in 1998 commercials were so dated. Isn't it crazy how old things feel? I mean, yes, we're approaching 20 years, that's going to be close to being 20 years ago. Jesus Christ. That's true too. But it feels so fucking old. It feels like when you were a kid and you'd watch something from a TV commercial from

the 70s, it just feels like forever. Of course it does because it's the same time frame, but it's weird to process now as an adult looking back on something that came out in your childhood. It just feels like a 70s commercial. It's very earnest and that's very strange. This guy is announcing it. Subway has a philosophy. Healthy food.

I know. I also was struck by, Jared does not look that different. He really doesn't. He's kind of maintained the same level throughout. Yeah. Yeah. He's ageless. Which is probably the issue.

Oh my God. Jesus Christ. What? He knows no limits. Oh my God. In his head, he's 16. Oh boy. Oh boy.

Um, you know, I mean, the thing about Subway is that it's so, this whole story is so crazy to me and it's so insane that this was happening. I just have to wonder like, were there enablers inside the franchise that let this happen? Well, they're saying that people knew. I have to feel like it because, and you know, they just sort of reached a point where they were like, well, shit, we're in, we're stuck with this guy. This is our guy. And if they cut ties, it's like, wait, where did all those Jared, like, why isn't Jared

in commercials? And with like, no explanation. I mean, I'm not siding with them, but I bet they did know. And then they were just like, we can't end our relationship with this person just for no reason. We don't know the full details of what's happened. And I feel like, you know, some sort of investigation is pending, but it is so insane that this whole, this very wholesome seeming story of a, an ordinary guy who was a college student

transformed his life by, you know, eating healthily at one particular sandwich chain. And that was such a big part of their brand identity. And now this guy is just, you know, the, like the scum of the earth. He was just, and the whole time he was kind of hiding in plain sight, doing these, these, these awful things. It's just such a weird, weird story that I don't know if it has quite, quite has a precedent in the food industry. Yeah, you know, I think it very much ties to like him losing all this weight, getting

all this fame. And like, he was not a guy in the spotlight and then he loses a shit ton of weight, probably has so much money and then he like flew close to the sun, probably had this sort of complex of like, Hey, I'm kind of like, who's going to bust me? You know, like, He thought he was above the law or something. Yeah. He's losing, he must feel like so powerful to lose weight, get money and be famous that

it's like, Oh fuck, like, you know, who's, it's just like maybe pushing the boundaries of like, well, nobody's stopping me. I always disliked Jared. I never liked Jared Fogle. And you turned out to be right. You were a skeptic from the beginning. I was a skeptic. You turned out to be on the right side of history on this one.

Nick knows it's about me that I never liked Jared Fogle for real. I know that. I never actually really liked Jared. I always thought he looked like a creep. He does. And those commercials, he looks like a creep when he's walking down the street to subway. I also, I mean, I'm a bigger guy. Yeah.

And, and I like, he lost weight, but then he also kind of just seemed kind of smarmy to me. And as a big guy, like when, when you see a guy lose weight and then they kind of like, are like, have a little smarmy attitude, you don't like him. But, but yeah, there was, there was something about him that, that kind of always rubbed me the wrong way. And then also, I just didn't really. Hey, rubbed a lot of people the wrong way.

Oh boy. Oh my God, Fran. Jesus Christ. Weigher and I are trying to tiptoe around this thing, Fran's driving through it with a bus. Um, uh, sorry, I lost my, my thought there. He was like a, he was a smarmy guy. You're raging at the smarmy fit, man.

Yeah. The smarmy guy, you know, and then he's rich and you see him at it. He was, he was at an NBA game and he was with this super attractive girl and I said, fuck that guy. He's married. And he's married. He was married twice, but, but, but the other, the, the other thing about him was that as a fat guy, I didn't think he earned it.

That was my, that was like another thing with him too. I was like, I don't think that this guy did anything. And then I read up on it, I think even back then, and it was like, like the reason that it all happened was that there was a subway put in his building and he just like was lazy and went to the subway and was poor, a call, you know, that dumb college kid poor, which is not true. You're still have a lot of money. And he ate at subway and was lazy and just lost weight like because he was eating one

sub sandwich a day. Just through inertia. It was just sort of through inertia. Yeah, inertia. And I, and I, I rode crew in college and I lost weight and I did it like a hard way. And so I, I always was just kind of like, fuck that fat guy. And I, and also he, he also, he never, that's the other funny thing too is like, look at Jared.

Jared looks great. And I'm like, he looks kind of shitty. He looks bad. And I think like it's like in comparison, he's got the big jeans and I think the big jeans was like 90% of it when he'd hold up those giant jeans because he was a guy who was like huge. He was like, yeah, 450 or something. And then he went down to like 220.

And you know, but he's still, he's still doughy. He's still, even if you look at those early ads when he was like 22 or whatever, he's still pretty soft. Yeah. He's got like a little bubble butt. Yeah. He's, he's not like a, he's not like a lean guy. He's like kind of a chubby guy.

I wonder if he had skin removal surgery. He probably did. Probably. Yeah. He's gonna be a skinny guy because if all you're doing to lose weight is to just, you know, diet by eating a sandwich, you're not going to be like a, you also need to work out. Yeah.

I always found it suspect that he was the only guy that this worked for. You know what I mean? Like if Subway is so great and healthy, how come our only example for almost 20 years is one guy? Like can't they have another ad where it's like, look how many people the Subway diet worked for? Or like, you know, follow this plan and then like get rid of him. Yeah.

Yeah. I know there's nothing about him that's really, there was nothing about him that was great besides the fact that he had lost weight. They tried to push like other people who had lost weight through the Subway diet. Yeah. And I feel like it never really worked. But yeah, it's that sort of thing of like, who cares about this guy? He's kind of like, there's nothing that like draws people toward, towards Jared, right?

Like he wasn't like very charismatic or anything. Sort of personal magnetism. Yeah. He's not particularly photogenic or, you know, he's just sort of like, I guess it's just kind of the story. I don't know. It feels like the whole thing just like got out of control. Like they weren't like, no one was expecting this to be as big and they just kind of made

this first ad. You watch that first ad, you listen to it here on the podcast, it just kind of understated and kind of like, like homie the way it's presented of like, look at this guy's story. It almost feels like they just expected to shoot that ad and then move on. And then it became this phenomenon for whatever reason, and this guy was this celebrity for decades. You know, I think his like every man appeal worked in his favor. Oh, interesting.

But it's the biggest bummer now that it was like, look at this guy that like, he can do it, can't you? But then it's like, oh shit, this every man is a damn creeper. Yes. And it's a bummer. It's like, hey, there's nothing special about this guy. He lost weight, so can I. And then it's like, oh man, the person representing like, you know, these people were nothing

special. They feel like, you know, who am I is actually a damn creep. Yeah. He was like, the thought I thought of this, he was bringing those subway sandwiches back to like his college dorm, like dungeon of fucking where he like made his like porn tapes. Because in college, he like made a bunch of like porno, like he would like trade porno and like, and get porno for people in college. This was like a Gakar article or something, right?

Yeah. There was like some expose. One of it came from his college classmates or something. But yeah, this would have been the 90s. So it would have been the era when a VHS pornography, sort of pre-internet. And so some, a claim was that he was trading porn tapes. Yeah. He would like, he had like a big collection of pornography and he could like get you

porn or whatever if you wanted to. He sort of had like a dorm version of a net of a blockbuster for porn. Yeah. Oh. I know the coolest, if you met a guy like that in college, he was like, I have a time of porn. Would you like any? If I get the fuck, what the fuck?

And he was like 450 pounds. Sorry, not to like add that, but that would be like, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. But there's a version of that guy who's like, oh yeah, that was Jared back in the day. But you know, he's, he's, he said, got straightened up and flew right, you know? And maybe that's what would have happened if he'd like, you know, graduated from college and gotten a job at an insurance company or become an aeronautical engineer or something.

Just kind of gotten a square sort of office job instead of being elevated to being this huge celebrity. And you know, I guess this kind of also speaks to young celebrity is always hard, you know, like, like it feels like athletes or, you know, teen singers oftentimes or child stars oftentimes and themselves in a lot of trouble because they become extremely famous as teenagers. That's a tough thing to navigate. He was very young, you know, what, 21, 22, 23, fresh out of college when this was happening. 23 or something when it happened.

Very young to be famous and it's kind of an unearned fame, you know? He didn't have any sort of skill that was propelling him here that might have prepared him for the rigors of, you know, performing for an audience or being seen and judged by millions of people and that must have affected his psyche. Yeah. And I mean, there is a lot to say for having as much money as you want. Sure. But, but what kind of fame is that?

That's what I don't understand is like, like, right, is that, is that a fame that people would go like. It's a fame. The Beatles, people are chasing Jared down like the street. With people that don't have bigger ambitions, especially like creatively. Of course, a dude who's like, I didn't really like, I didn't have, you're 23. Do you have interests? I mean, nothing.

You're like brain hasn't stopped growing. It's like, okay. Whoa, look at it. Now I'm into this. Yeah. Like for a creative person, of course, if you became like, I think that's the trouble with people that get pigeonholed as other brands spokesmen where it's like, oh, fuck, I don't want to be known as the damn like Dell guy.

Yeah. Yeah. And then, you know, John Hodgman isn't. What's the shit was he into? No. The Dell guy looks great. He got, he was just smoking weed and he got in a lot of trouble. Oh yeah, you're right.

Bring back the Dell guy. Yeah. He was kind of annoying. Yeah, that guy was annoying. Who cares what his name was? We're distinguishing the Dell guy from the PC guy who I think you are referencing. Oh my God. I did say Dell.

John Hodgman was a PC guy. I said John Hodgman. Who's the Dell guy? The Dell guy was a dude you're getting a Dell. Yeah. And Steve, what was his name? Yeah, I don't know. That means in my brain, I thought the commercials went, I'm a Mac and I'm a Dell.

Oh well. You remember me again. And Johnson Long was the Mac, right? Yes. That's right. Yeah. I mean, the whole story is creepy and it's sad and I may be, this might be controversial, but I actually, when I hear of people, I read a really interesting article about people

who were kind of afflicted by being attracted, like, ugh, I'm sorry, like it's a very fucked up thing, but there are people that have this affliction and they try to deal with it. That was your blog. Oh my God. Friend for God's sake. And I actually kind of feel, I feel bad for people who have disorder and they kind of realize that and they try to better themselves and they are actively, constantly trying not to act on anything like that.

Jared seemed to embrace it and brag about it as the stories come out and that is just so despicable and so gross and, you know, like you can never come back, like he's such a piece of shit. That's the thing. It's like a whole, it's another level of like shit head. It's just like such, just the worst of just an unapologetic. Yeah. A text conversation with a friend that's like, look what I got, bro, it's like, ooh, complete.

It's like one thing if you have, you know, an affliction and then it's another thing if you're consciously making the decision. For sure, yeah. What's going to put him in jail for a long time is the fact that it will be proven that he knew what he was doing was wrong. He knew what he was doing and he was bragging to people. I mean, that's so crazy. I mean, this is such a touchy subject and it's really tough, but it is, it is.

Touchy. Oh my God. You're doing it. A friend. We decided to have Fran on this episode. We should have known that this would happen. Fran is Fran. Why don't you tell your story?

Weren't you the only person who had to go through the sexual harassment? Oh my God. Don't say that, bitch. Don't say that. Okay. Never mind. I had to take a sexual harassment course when it seemed that other people didn't at a job. But yeah, no, I actually, it's such a sad and messed up thing and like you said, it's

not even fun to, it's not fun to talk about at all. But Jared is that next level guy who seemed to embrace it and brag about it and that's just, it's the lowest of the low, you know, like there's nothing you can do to beat that. May I say that I do think Subway has handled it in a really professional way and they dismiss him as a spokesperson and like they don't even want to continue the conversation. So it's like he is not working with us and we won't speak to the matter. And I personally think that's better than diving into it and answering every question. Sure.

To just be like, we're done. This relationship is dead and we don't even discuss it. I think that that is something that's like fueling the fire is to engage in the conversation further. I get that, but I wish that they had just had a bigger statement up top. I thought that they kind of like tried to completely dodge it at first and then I think they did say something a little later. But I agree with you.

I think that they should try to move on from it immediately. I mean, like there's nothing you can do but move on from it. It's a terrible thing. It's such a huge part of their corporate identity and their history though. I mean, you just can't, you can't erase it. So I mean, yeah, I guess they could move forward. What I'll be interested to see and I think the important thing in terms of judging history will judge Jared as a monster in terms of judging, you know, maybe some executives as

that subway in terms of how they're going to come across will be, whether there was any sort of cover up, whether there was any sort of internal knowledge of this sort of behavior and it was the kind of thing that was enabled. I mean, if that comes up, then the way subway handled this is of course, you know, of course we can call that into question. Of course, that's unacceptable. For sure. I mean, yeah, it will be interesting to see what type of news comes out about that.

And Jared, you can't join this monster squad, baby. You're your own sort of monster. Oh, yeah, I forgot that the monster squad is good now, that we're saying that we're the monster squad, so we should not want other people to be monsters. Or if they are, yeah, fuck it. I can't figure out. I can't parse the logistics of it. You know, what's so sad is that when this podcast comes out like a year from now or whenever,

like there will be a new scandal and truly in a year, people won't really think about subway. I wonder, yeah. But if they don't, honestly, it will be like onto the next thing and in a year, people will be like, God, remember Jared? For sure. But he made subway so much money. I mean, like, where do they go from here?

I don't know. It's really a strange time. My history with subway is that I tried it as a boy, easy friend, and we were in Las Vegas and I was like 12 years old. You didn't have it in Massachusetts? Your first subway experience was in Las Vegas? Yeah, why wasn't it in Boston? Because yeah, we didn't really have it.

We had a chain called DeAngelo's, which has a, I love DeAngelo's, by the way, and they have no monster mascot attached to them. And so a big shout out to DeAngelo's. And yeah, there were no real subways around. And so I was about 12 or 13. I went to Vegas with my family and we stopped in and then I got a meatball sub from Subway and my first experience, I was like, this sucks. I like hated the meatball sub so much and I hated it.

Maybe that's also why I didn't like it. That's not something you order. That's not something you order. Yeah, well, I just, I found that out. I disagree. I would get the meatball sub was my go-to for a while at Subway. Yeah, I would get that consistently. I would get a meatball sub with just their white American cheese and then I would throw

on some green peppers and some black olives. Oh my God. I just don't know if I would trust a meatball from a chain restaurant. Or like fast food rather. They're disgusting, but they're like good. They're disgusting in a good way. That foot-long meatball sub, I feel like, was a very satisfying filling. And one of the few, until they started toasting subs, which they did in response to Quiznos,

it was one of the few hot meals you could get there and getting a hot sub was just really... Now they'll toast anything. Yeah, now they'll toast. They will, yeah. And I really think that, so when I moved out here and right down the street from the birthday boys' house, which I would go there almost every night of the week and we'd meet on Sundays and I'd always go there after work, there was a subway. We just went to that one.

And that's where Fred and I actually had our meal. And it was just easy. It was right there. You can get a big sub for dinner and it's easy. And I went there all the time and I started to learn to enjoy Subway more. And there was also one around the block from my house. I didn't live in the birthday boys' house, but from my own house. And it just is easy and you can fill up and you get chips.

And then the toasted sandwiches also offered hot sandwiches. I usually prefer hot sandwiches. So I think that I was like, oh, once I got Subway, I started to enjoy it more. I was like, oh, then you toast the sandwich, it's kind of a hot, warm sandwich. And then you have all these toppings and that's kind of where you get it with Subway. You got to add all these crazy toppings on there. It's really... We were talking about the bread bowl earlier.

And I feel like this is... It's like the sandwich kind of version of it where it's just like, yeah, you're putting a bunch of shit, but it's really to make this... Your main caloric source, which is this huge thing of bread that you're getting, especially in the foot long, it's to make that more edible. It's to make that something that you can get down. And then it really does fill you up. I mean, it's a very cheap, filling meal.

And I think that's maybe the main thing in its favor. I think... I never really regularly ate Subway. There was one near my house growing up. I went there infrequently, but certainly went there. It's not the worst place you can eat for cheap and there are healthy options. But I think that you can order something fucking disgusting there. There are some options that are truly disgusting.

And so if you're eating at Subway and you get a meal and it's like, oh, you know what? I always get it at Subway's sunships. But you can get a turkey sandwich and a pop and a sunship and it's like... That was not a bad meal. It was affordable. And I think it's really... If I'm at like a rest stop on the side of the road, Subway is often an option. And it's like you're McDonald's, you're Burger King, you're Wendy's and you're Subway.

Subway's great. It is healthy. For me, you have to know what you think will make you sick, which is like what you think is not real. I don't think the chicken is real, so I wouldn't order chicken. I've gotten some of those grilled chicken breast sandwiches before. They had like a chicken marinara, I think special one. I got it once.

And I got it free with a sub-club card that was a time when they used to have these cards that you can get punched a little low. Yeah, I remember this. Yeah. I think they've discontinued them. But I got it free with a sub-club card. I was like, oh, I'll take a chance with this thing. And it was fucking gross.

That was one of the grossest things I've ever had from someone. Yeah, because I don't think that chicken patty is real. Like I think they're forming it from stuff that's not chicken. And so for me, it's like why would I even... Actually, I remember in maybe like 10 years ago, someone told me just off-handedly that all the meat was like squeezed and it all comes from like the same thing and it's just a different coloring. And that put me off Subway for like a couple years.

Is that true? Is that true or not? No, it was just something somebody said. I also thought that Jared had died. Like I was like some snopes thing that like Jared... Oh, there's like an urban legend circulating for time. Yeah, that Jared had died. But...

They've been a better outcome for him, honestly. Yeah, geez. You know what, when they introduced avocado, that was a game changer. That was big. That was like five years ago and they had the like almost like an icing applicator of avocado and it was like, you know, oh, damn, there was a slogan that was like, avoo. It was like... Oh, yeah, they actually had John Lovett's doing stuff for a while.

He used to go... He used to do the eat fresh or whatever, you know, he did the... I don't remember this. You don't remember? He'd be like, eat fresh. You don't remember that? Oh. He used to do it.

It was... Wait, say it again. Eat fresh. Oh, okay. No. No. But the avocado, now when there's fresh avocado, that's a game changer. Yeah.

I mean, the last time I went, let's see, well, I went recently and they did have, I think I ordered avocado, no, I think I added guacamole, which they have like a little ice cream scoop to apply. Yeah, that's now. It's not as satisfying. Yeah, that feels like the Trader Joe's guacamole that'll come in a bag that you'll squeeze into a bowl. But the fresh avocado they have that they'll like dig out with a knife, that's actually

one of the better toppings I think you can get there. Yeah. I will say in Subway's favor is they have evolved their menu over time in response to what's going on. Like we mentioned the toasting earlier, that came when there was a bit of an insurgent campaign by Quiznos, knew on the scene and they had the toasted sub and that was a big thing and people were like, oh, Quiznos, the toasted sub. I feel like within six months, Subway had toasting ovens in all of their restaurants.

Yeah. They kind of took down Quiznos. They'd fought that off and it was just, they really smacked them down and now Quiznos is basically irrelevant. And wasn't Quiznos' slogan, mm, toasted? Yeah, yeah. They were big on the toast. Toasting was their thing and Subway was like, well, we can't let this stand.

I don't remember that. I do remember. Mm, toasted. I remember. You guys don't remember? John Lovitz doing, oh god. There's like five M's. Mm, toasted.

I agree with Fran that Subway just felt like a healthier option. Mm-hmm. I used to do turkey in Swiss on a 12-inch like wheat and then I toast that up and I put just onions and vinegar on it. That's what I had the other day. And it was really great. And that was it. That was it.

Just plain like that. Onions and vinegar. That's not plain. Onions and vinegar. Just a bunch of vinegar. That's what I did the other day, but I added pickles to mine. Wait, you two both got sandwiches with just onions and vinegar? No, no.

And turkey and cheese. Oh, okay. He got like a buffalo chicken. Yeah, we'll get into that. I was picturing some roll that you were just filling with onions and dousing with vinegar. Turkey, Swiss. You toast it on the wheat bun and then just onions and vinegar. I'd really douse it in vinegar because vinegar is no calories.

Is that like a regional thing where you just, because I feel like putting vinegar on a sandwich to me, I was always like, why do they have vinegar here? I would always just think you put mustard and mayo. Oh, why? You're missing out. Yeah, salt and vinegar. Oh, salt and vinegar on a sandwich is very good. You don't put vinegar on your sandwiches?

Come on now. No, generally. I mean, if it comes that way, I'll have a sandwich with vinegar on it, but no. I'm usually more into conventional condiments or some sort of aioli or something. Ooh, I gotta take you on a little vinegar tour. Yeah, vinegar's good on a sandwich. I have an open mind. Well, you know what?

I mean, another one I would get is like, I kind of make my own tuna mouth. I do tuna and cheese and then toast it and then lettuce, tomato, olives. And I could put like onion and banana peppers and jalapenos. I do like those peppers you can get there. Damn, you're overloading on the tops. That's what you do. That's what you do. And then you put the little carrots on there.

Carrots too? Yeah, and then you could squeeze vinegar. And you put vinegar all over that thing. And vinegar's really great with an Italian sub. And the Italian BMT there is pretty good. And I would do kind of a Italian BMT with any of those mixture of toppings. If Mitch, if you took a girl to Subway and she ordered a sandwich, no bread, would you still like her? No bread?

Like what if they were like, what kind of bread? And she's like, no, I just don't want any bread. I want a sandwich, no bread at Subway. Would you hang out with her romantically again? I feel like the question is, would she hang out with me for bringing her to Subway on this day? Oh, jeez. You only hanging out with princesses over here? Damn.

I'm not above a Subway date. Hell no. Yeah, I think I would because I'm doing no carbs, so it would work right now. But maybe back in the day, I don't know, who doesn't love bread? I love bread. I think Subway's bread got better. Because the loaves of bread used to be like little tiny, I feel like they were much thinner. And now they kind of feel like a little bit more fresh.

You see them bake up in the shop, even though like you said, that's probably fake in a lot of ways. I think it's fake. Yeah, I think it's fake. Yeah, but you do see them put dough in and they turn and put a timer on. I think it comes that way. I think, yeah, they're not doing any processing of the dough there. They're getting things and rolls. They're getting like little tubes of bread that they're just heating up, whether it's refrigerated or frozen.

But it's fine. I think there's actually something to the showmanship they have there. I think that has its value. And sometimes you'll get the bread and it's nice and warm and that's satisfying. Yeah. Let's talk about our most recent visits to Subway. Okay. And recently, I went on this just actually just yesterday.

We're recording on a Monday once Sunday, Sunday morning for a little bit of Subway breakfast, which is not something I'll normally get. I'm usually a Subway lunch guy. On rare occasion, I'll get a Subway dinner, but figured for the interest of being comprehensive, I should give their breakfast an evaluation. Didn't even know they had breakfast. They do have breakfast. In fact, they're open. A lot of these locations are open pretty early and they have, you can get their normal menu for the most part, but they also have breakfast until 11 a.m.

Some of these locations also, too, check with the individual franchise, have breakfast all day. So if you are cravings a little bit of egg, you might have that as an option. So I got the six inch egg turkey and cheese on jalapeno cheddar bread. On that, I got some American cheese, some bacon, some guacamole, which I mentioned, mayo, lettuce, onions, black olives and jalapenos. Kind of loaded that up. I got that as a combo with some apple slices, which is normally, I would normally get some chips, but figured I'd try out these apple slices. And they were out of coffee.

Now, granted, it was 11 a.m. It was on the tail end of the breakfast serving hours, but I feel like not having coffee on a Sunday morning is a pretty, just a thing to keep in mind if you're going to go to a subway for breakfast, because if you can't get a cup of coffee with breakfast, I mean, I don't know, what are you even doing? Those are crunching hours, right? 11 a.m. They should have some coffee. Yeah, they should have some coffee.

So instead, I got a brewed Arnold Palmer. Now, they do have a premade jug. I don't know if you guys experienced this at your location, but they had, at this one, they had a jug that actually has half iced tea, half lemonade, premade, premix, and it was pretty tasty. I'll say this about the egg sandwich. I don't know. That egg is a little suspect.

It's like, basically, they have a whole frittata-looking thing. It looks like a one-egg omelet they pull out of somewhere that looks premade that they just sort of heat up in that toasting oven. And it tastes, you know, it tastes decidedly not fresh. For a place that says eat fresh, it tastes decidedly like something that's been sitting on a shelf for a while or sitting in a walk-in refrigerator. So that was probably the least pleasant part of that meal. But the rest of it was just, you know, all the shit you can put on a subway sandwich,

on the kind of bread you can get a subway sandwich on, and from that aspect, it was a filling meal. How about you guys? What was your recent trip like? Mitch and I went to his old stomping grounds. My old stomping ground, the subway, right near Universal Studios and down the street from the birthday boy's house. Yep, and we went on Friday for lunch.

I got a six-inch turkey with cheese on wheat bread with lettuce, peppers, pickles, salt and vinegar. I got sun chips, as I mentioned, I always get sun chips. And did you get yours toasted? I did get it toasted. You kind of did get me mad that you got a six-inch, because I always feel like a subway is like a six-inch sandwich at Subway. Come on, that's not a meal. Forgotten mad?

What if I told you? Yeah, I was steaming mad. You actually hit me. We were asked to leave. We ate in the parking lot. I have never gotten a 12-inch sub. It's a lot of food. That foot-long sub is a lot of food.

I have never gotten a $5 foot-long. Yeah, yeah, that's a ton of food. And then, when did I get to drink? I think I got iced tea. But there was not that carafe that you speak of. Ours was... The subway location we went to have seen better days. The bathroom was locked.

The bathroom was locked from the inside. I asked to go to the bathroom at one point, and the lady told me that the key was locked in the bathroom. And then, just when we were about to leave, a lady came out from the back with a knife. With a sharp knife. And jimmied the lock. And jimmied the lock into the bathroom room

like it had happened before. What is this apocalyptic subway? She came out with a sharp knife, and then I see her jimmying the lock, and then she went in the bathroom for a while. Oh, my God. A detail did not have to be known. But who's counting?

Anyway, did I like my sandwich? I did. I've had it before. I knew I'd like it. I've seen chances. If I see something that is claiming to be something that looks unnatural, I won't go for it. I saw a veggie patty that looked

truly like a stomped turd. Yeah, turd. I pointed it to Mitch. I almost lost my appetite. Sorry. That phrase was stomped turd. No, I think they got the phrase. Okay, but if I saw eggs,

I would fully recognize I would fully recognize, but I do want to say something. It has healthy options at a low cost, and I think that in the fast food industry, there are a lot of people that can't afford healthy options, and that's why

that lower income families, there are a lot of health problems that associate with the food that they have not being healthy for them. And so in that regard, I do praise Subway for having healthy options for lower income people because there really should be

more options like that. Yeah, when I would go to the birthday boys just getting a turkey sandwich, and you could I would sometimes do the apple slices that Nick was talking about, or I would do a baked place if I was being, I want to be a little bit naughty or something,

and you know, you get a diet coke, and it feels so much more healthy than McDonald's or any other fast food place. It doesn't seem that, it's a lot lighter and kind of they do a good job, and there's so many veggies and things like that, and you can actually

that's the thing that I do like about Subway is that you can kind of you tell the sandwich artists what you want on there, and you can be like a little bit more of that, a little bit more of that, you're kind of, you're getting that the sandwich the way you want it. I'll say sometimes the vegetables aren't the freshest,

like even at this meal, the tomato was a little soft, so sometimes it can be a grab bag of eating, but it will never be rotten, the vegetables and food will never be be rotten besides maybe the egg in Nick's case. I've never had an experience like that.

I did have an experience where there was a subway, when I worked in video games as an office job, there was a subway that was not within walking distance of our offices, and we went there once, and we took our meal back, and my co-worker Dave opened his, like just

was just opening his sandwich and saw that some of the meat was green, and he called the subway and was like, hey, I just want to let you guys know, like I got some lunch meat from you guys, and it was green, and you probably shouldn't serve it, and the guy on the other end was like

alright, you want free sandwich? Come back, I'll hook you up. He's like, no, I don't want a free sandwich, I just want you guys to know you shouldn't be serving that. He's like, alright, come on by, I'll get you a free sandwich, because the guy was just not processing that there was a health concern. I truly love that reaction, because that happens a lot in the food industry, when

one time I ordered a pizza, and I bit into a rock. Oh my god. A rock? Okay, it was a sausage pizza, and I bit into a rock, and then I was like, oh there, and I call the place, I say there was a rock in the pizza, and it's like free pizza. It's like, guess what, when I eat

shit from your garbage joint, I don't want more shit from your fucking store. It's like, hey, I'm just calling to let you know I'm not happy with what you do, and they're like, come by and have some more. It's like, I sure will. I'm just, how does a rock

end up on a pizza? I don't know. I had a similar thing, I was at the airport, and I got a La Brea Bakery sandwich, and everyone loves La Brea Bakery out here, and I bit into like a rock too, it fucked up my teeth so bad. How are you getting rocks in your food? I didn't know this was an occurrence.

I got a rock. Yeah. I messed up my tooth, I still think about it, and I never did anything, I just lost it in the trash and I was so mad. You didn't say anything, especially at the airport, I bet that was like an $11 sandwich. It was a lot. No, it was too late to say anything like that. I will say, speaking of

airport food, I did have a strange thing once where I got an airport salad, I don't remember where it was, and as I was halfway through it, there was a dead bee in the greens. See, you know what, with lead, it was like one of those pre-packaged salads too, it was like this. Okay, that's not,

that's pretty bad, but I've gotten like tender greens and I've had like little tiny, tiny bugs in there and it's never bothered me too. That's more of like a fresh produce thing. Yeah. This felt like this had been vacuum-packed in there and this is, it's tomb for several weeks. Little bugs in food I almost prefer. Yeah, I'm fine with that.

Like to no bugs. Yeah, oh what? I don't know if I prefer it to no bugs. I think I would take no bugs always. If I could have a meal with bugs or without and probably bug it. But speaking about the relative health aspects of Subway, because you know there is, I think that's part of why they've

had a little bit of a downturn is because of the low carb, I don't want to call it a craze at this point, it's kind of become a, the consensus for in terms of healthy eating is that you want to avoid carbs and that it is such a bread delivery system, their food there. They've had some flatbreads, but they haven't

really caught on, some low carb flatbreads. Their salads have never really been a thing that people are all that into. Well because that's the lettuce is just like yeah, this is a warning to every place out there that tries to make a salad out of sandwich lettuce. Yeah, you can't use that shredded

iceberg. You can't use shredded iceberg. It's not a salad. That's right, splurge for a full leaf. Yes, I agree. Get some romaine. Romaine, yeah. Get some mescaline greens. Get some spinach. Yeah, it just doesn't work for me. So Subway, when it comes to that, for the way I'm eating right now when I'm not doing dough boys,

I can't do Subway because I don't want a bunch of fucking chopped up iceberg lettuce. With shitty toppings. Yeah, it's like a Subway salad is like I'll have just everything at the shitty end of this buffet once you put in a bowl for me. Why haven't they

done that? Why haven't they been like, okay, we're gonna have some nice, you know, artisan salad, some Panera style salads. Why haven't they made that decision? Because there's a smart franchise and they know that people are gonna come in if they splurge and take that step to have that stuff. Yeah. Who is going to Subway for a salad? Who?

Who would get a salad at Subway? They know, they know that it's like Subway sandwiches. It's like Subway will never be famous for its salad. So why do it? Why even invest in that? They're doing pretty well as is. And it's weird that they're even famous for their

sandwiches that are just okay. I mean like even when I start to like and appreciate Subway, it was never like ooh, I love a Subway sub. I can get a really satisfying Subway sub. And you know what, let me get into my order. Of course. I got a I got a footlong on white bread.

So a footlong after we made one of it. And I also didn't go healthy. I got provolone grilled chicken. Then I had them toast that up. Then I got buffalo sauce on there. And then lettuce, tomato, onion, banana peppers, a couple of jalapenos, and

ranch dressing. That was mine. So I made myself kind of like a buffalo chicken sub. Sounds good. And Subway actually had a buffalo chicken sub at one point. And this is just their kind of grilled white chicken. And their buffalo chicken was actually better than this grilled white chicken. It just felt like it was better quality

meat. They got rid of it for whatever reason. And I was kind of disappointed because the white grilled chicken there is not that great. And you could tell there was it's fake and you could it felt like there was a difference between that and the buffalo chicken. But anyway

I got a bag of cool ranch Doritos and I got myself I made it a meal and I got myself a Diet Coke as well. The tomato on the sandwich was a little bit soft, like I said. And sometimes that happens at Subway.

And then for dessert we had heard that Subway has good cookies. So Fran and I got Fran a macadamia nut cookie. And I got myself an M&M and chocolate chip cookie. And the cookie was great. It was amazing. I do like their cookies. The cookie was really good. It was fresh

as hell. It was fresh and warm and kind of melty. And you know the M&M one was kind of gooey and it was really good. I really enjoyed it. It was probably the best part of the meal. Well it humiliated me because Mitch paid for the meal and then we went back to get a cookie and it was $1.50 and I didn't

have any cash on me. I said I'll get this and then I didn't have a dollar. It was $1.20 and she was 30 cent short. So I bought them as well. But you know what, as a guest of Doe Boys that's just how it's going to go. Yeah. You'll get treated if you're going to volunteer your time. Oh, we probably shouldn't say that on the air.

No, we're locked into that. If any future guest happens to listen to this episode. The sandwich was good. I mean I love cool ranch Doritos. That's easy. If I'm doing healthier, like I said bake lays or you can get the apple snacks that are pretty decent too.

But I was kind of going going all out. That apple snack is not bad. And it is kind of like, I feel like it's a feat of engineering that's happened in the past 15 years. A feat of food engineering where they figured out how to have sliced apples that don't go brown. That's kind of like, I don't know what they're doing something

probably. Does that make you suspect though? They're pumping preservatives into them. I do love that you guys keep calling it apple snack. I mean it's truly just an apple. It's a little snack. It's an apple snack. It's an apple snack. It's just an apple.

It's an apple snack. It's a bag of apple snack. Fundamentally, apple sauce is just an apple but it's been processed to some degree. It's an apple snack. Friend, the genius friend calls apple sauce apple. I'll have another apple. It's apple sauce. No, I call it

smush apple. I'll say give me a smush apple. I will say that Cool Ranch Doritos are my favorite chip of all time. Wow. So I love getting them at Subway. And then, you know what I'll say like a lot? Lay salt and vinegar chips. Those are good.

Those are real good. And they'll go great with like, if you get the Italian BMT and they do a nice little combo with vinegar on there. You probably don't see these a lot but I bet you love Cape Cod chips. I love Cape Cod potato chips. What a chip. What a great chip. I went to the Cape Cod potato chip factory as a boy and it was a great

experience. Great chip. Was this like a field trip or just a family vacation sort of thing? I think I ran away from home and went around. My parents took me there and I loved it. My favorite. Jumped on the conveyor belt. You did? Yeah, like they had to shut it down. No, I didn't get in

the conveyor belt. I wish I did. I am a pretzel hound. I love pretzels, unfortunately. Unfortunately. That's right. I'm a pretzel hound, baby. Subway does not have pretzels but I'll take your rolled gold tiny

twists. I'll take your sticks. I'll take your rods. I'll take your snipers. I'll take your knots. I'll take your honey mustard. I love a pretzel. You know when I was younger, I had in elementary school, I drew up this thing. This is pathetic.

But it was a train in each cart in the train. One cart was filled with Cool Ranch Dorito chips and then the next cart was filled with Hawaiian punch and then the next cart was filled

with gummy bears and I owned this train and I would go through each cart and swim in it and eat it and stuff. This is something you drew? This is also what you would now have tattooed on your back, right? No, Nick. I drew this as a boy. I drew this up

and I thought if I became a billionaire or something, I would do this one day. That was me. Here comes this Nick train. Thank you. Actually, your train would say is Choo Chew C-H-E-W

C-H-E-W. I agree with that 100%. That's probably what I drew on there, so that's what the fifth grade you drew. But yeah, Cool Ranch Doritos have always been one of my favorites. It's a good Dorito. But packed full of flavor. Packed full of flavor. My dad used

to hate the smell of them. I love them and then the salt, the salt and vinegar love them. It's a generational thing through the generations. And then also, they have those nice jalapeño chips that are kind of close. They're close to the, they're close to Cape Cods. What are they? Misses

Yeah, this is Vicks. This is Vicks. Or Vickers, something like that. Yeah, maybe Vicks. And they're kind of close to a Cape Cod potato chip. But Subway has a nice selection of chips. You can get some good stuff. You're right. You don't really miss the, like, well, I guess with a sandwich, you're going to have chips. So like the, whether

or not fries are there is kind of a non-issue. Like the chip selection is vast, which is to their credit. They could just have a few chips to, they could have had an exclusive deal with some chip company and probably made a little bit extra cash, but they have a nice variety there for you to choose from. Yeah, I don't know how much of an endorsement

it is for Subway that a lot of times, like, I'm enjoying the chips or the cookie I'm getting more than the sandwich, I mean, which is the mass of the calories, but that's just kind of a reality of the meal there. My sandwich was pretty good. It just, the, either the ranch or the buffalo sauce, since it wasn't

included, like, since the chicken wasn't already in the buffalo sauce, just tasted a little tangy and a little off. The sandwich was still good, though. I mean, like, it's not great and it's not that... And what I love most about what you guys are saying is both of you have said your

meal tasted off, yet you finished it. Yes. Yes. If your food doesn't taste right, it's because something's wrong with it. So you can stop eating it. I don't know. I don't say that. I don't think it's an option. I don't get that either. Yeah, I don't agree. I'm going to finish what I've got in front of me.

It's kind of a personal ethos I have. Me, too. In Subway, I know that there's probably not, I mean, well, until I heard this green meat story and your egg story, I had, I never had a real problem. I've had bad Subway experiences where I'm like, that sucked. And then I've had one where I was like, that was pretty good. I did a

pretty good job and you feel pretty good about yourself, too. You're like, I put that, I helped that sandwich artist put that in. You're making partial credit for the sandwich you're constructing. Telling a woman what toppings? And a man, not always a woman. Mostly women work there. Oh, my

God. You know, speaking of being a Subway employee, our producer, Dustin, actually worked at Subway. Was it Subway? Were you an assistant manager? Is that what you were, Dustin? Yeah, you were your assistant manager. Can you relate for us,

and not to put you on the spot, and I don't want to get any sort of civil action taken against you by the Subway Corporation, but in your experience, you related to us a rather harrowing tale of the bacteria content involved. Can you sort of give us

a quick refresher on that? Sure. Dustin's walking in. Dustin's coming in. Dustin's coming in. This will be worth the wait, because he told us this story when we were eating after our last podcast. Yeah. Do you want to hop on one of these? Do you want to steal my cans? Yeah, take over Wigers. All right, Dustin's

going to take my station. Here you go. Hey, Dustin. Hey, welcome to The Doughboys. Hey, thanks for having me. So, when I was in college for like three months, I got a job down the street at a Subway, and it was horrible.

And it's super busy. Like, the lunch rush there is unbearable. It's like a lot of sweating. It's so much food. You know, you see that when you go in there. It's crazy how many people go through that. They want a quick sandwich to be put in those condom-like bags of theirs

to get in and out as fast as possible. Yeah, it was pretty grueling, but I was reading an article about, they did a bacteria field test on surface areas of a handful of fast food chains across the country.

And Subway had the most like sitting bacteria, because they have that thing where all of the meat and veggies just sit open on the surface. And for a long time, they didn't have a shield over it. But so, and I saw

high school, I was constantly pulling it down. I was like, you gotta pull it down. And so you know, it's just sitting exposed to air. Like that whole top layer is just tons of bacteria and the kids spraying stuff and cleaning the counters and it's just sitting wide open. Well, this is how many years ago?

This was like three or four years ago. But in general... Let's try Fran. In general, that restaurant apparently has a lot of surface bacteria because the stuff sits out on that little trail all day. Wow. And that's

also, thanks Dustin, thank you for sharing. Thanks for being on the podcast. That was our producer Dustin. Dustin makes the show possible. Maybe I won't go to Subway again. That type of stuff sticks with me. Yeah, it really is. Like when you see that they've just got this open-air thing that people are reaching into constantly

and so many hands are going in there. They're gloved hands but you just never know if a wrist is touching something or a watch or a shirt sleeve. I mean, I don't know. I mean, it is a little maybe again, talking about the health aspect maybe if we're talking about this as a healthy

option, maybe that's something not in its favor. The only thing I was gonna say in Subway's favor for me is no matter how dirty a watch is, it's cleaner than my hands. The hell? Watch your wrist. A stranger's

watch, I guarantee, is cleaner than my own hands. Just start washing those things. You're working at a textile mill all day and you come straight from work. That's right. You refuse to use soap. Well, I sort dirt. Friend and I actually are working together right now and we're sitting next to each other

all day. Mitch is a person I talk to most out of anyone in the world right now. Oh, Mitch, we forgot to tell Weigur about our investigative activities. Oh, yeah. Fran did a great, great job. Wait, at Subway? Yeah. Oh, great. She really

dug deep. A little gonzo reporting. It was. Fran, why don't you kind of sum up what happened? Well, I knew that I wanted to get to the bottom of whether or not Subway's business was being affected by the most recent

scandal. So I decided to ask the cashier if it had been busy. What was her reply? Uh, she didn't want to talk to me. She kind of like

looked at me like what? I said, has Subway been busy? And she said what? And I said have you been busy? And she said, I guess. Yep. On the way out, after we pay for the cookies, Fran said, oh, yeah. Has Subway been busy? Which was such a confusing

question anyway. So you shouted it from the door as you were exiting? It wasn't exactly them, but it was almost like an afterthought and the lady was like confused. And then also was like kind of like at lunch. Yeah, it's busy. And

I don't know if she knew it was like a veiled question about like the effect that Jared has had on the business. Sure. Nor do I think she would really even know what has changed. Then again, maybe she was stonewalling you. Maybe that was the company line

she was giving. That's true. The company policy is act annoyed that someone is screaming that at you as they exit. Let's get to our closing thoughts on Subway. So we're going to go around and we're going to give our overall argument or overall assessment of this franchise

and then give it a rating on a scale of one to five forks. So we'll go ahead and we'll start with you, Fran. Okay. Subway is a healthy option, but be smart when you order. If something tastes off, it is off. So don't finish it. Subway pales in comparison

to my one love Panera. I'm giving it two forks. Wow. Okay. Go ahead, Mitch. Yeah, you know, like I said, Subway is a place that my initial reaction to it was I did not like it when I was a boy. Then I grew to kind of appreciate

except Subway and I learned how to play the game over there. Never liked Jared. I don't know what the fallout is going to be from this entire thing. But you know what, Subway could look really bad. But again, we've talked about this before on the podcast. We can't really judge a place

based on these kind of outer factors by the people who own it. It's just really hard to review a restaurant that way because there'd be almost every place we'd have to give like one fork to. I grew to like Subway more but at the same time

it's not very good. But it can be satisfying and I can have a good sandwich, lunch or dinner experience there. But it never blows me away. Middle of the road, I give it three forks. Three forks for Mike Mitchell, the Spoon Man.

Boy, you know, my feelings about Subway are conflicted. It is a real value proposition. We didn't even get to the $5 foot longs or the $5 foot long song which is, you know, nowadays probably their signature jingle. It certainly is a marketing bullet point.

It's kind of outstripped a Jared Fogle invisibility. But it's just not very high quality food. And I think, you know, as cheap as it is to fill yourself up, it just, I feel like you're getting just the cheapest. I feel like you're just

like, you know, it's like when there's a government project that kind of goes awry and it's because they were just going to the lowest bidder about everything, like some weapons system or some, you know, satellite that fucks up or, you know, just some sort of thing that's

just like, oh, well, they just went to the lowest bidder and they got all the cheapest people to compete and to try to just race to the bottom. And that's what I feel like you're dealing with with all the ingredients at Subway. I feel like all those vegetables are very low quality. I feel like all that meat, all those cold

cuts, all that cheese is just very heavily processed and very cheap. And, you know, it's a very inexpensive way to fill yourself up. But also how healthy is it really if you're getting just like cheap ingredients and you're getting, you know, very starchy, carb heavy meal.

I don't know how good that is for the long-term health of people who are eating there. For me, Subway is never a first choice to eat. I've never like, oh man, I feel like Subway. Let's go get Subway. It's like I'm hungry and there's a Subway available. And it's convenient. It's convenient. It happens to be open late.

You know, it happens to be nearby because they're just everywhere. But it's never a place where I'm satisfied to eat there. I'm not going to factor in the horrific nature of Jared Fogle's crimes into my score because the jury

is still out in terms of whether or not Subway was culpable. If Subway was in fact culpable, then I give it zero forks because that's inexcusable. But judging it on its current merits, Subway is a two fork restaurant for me. Wow. Ooh, I went high. Maybe I went a little high on Subway.

I don't know if you, I mean, I think three forks is a fair score for it. But I mean, if I'm actually factoring in how much I enjoy eating there, I feel like it's a two fork experience. That's fair. Um, all right, well, that's our evaluation of Subway. It's time for a regular segment. We're going to taste test a beverage

and decide if it's something that you want to put in your mouth. It's time for Drank or Stank. Shall I go get the drinks? So yeah, Mitch is a, oh, actually our producer, Dustin is being a hero. Dustin's on the ball. Dustin. A couple of Dustin visits. Dustin knows what he's doing. Thank you, buddy. Dustin's checking in. So, do you want to announce

what the drinker says? Yeah, go ahead and go ahead and tell us. Tell everyone what we're going to be tasting here. Today's Drank or Stank's are, it is from 7-Eleven. It is a Sour Patch Watermelon brand Slurpee. So, this is co-branded with Sour Patch.

Sour Patch Kids, is it? Yep, Sour Patch Watermelon. Sour Patch Watermelon, okay. And it's, I think Fanta also has a hand in these Slurpees. Okay. You know, there's a Sour Patch drink on Jamba Juice's

secret menu, and it has to be secret because it has too many calories for them to list on the regular menu. Wow, interesting. And it's very good. It's very good, very sugary. It's a Sour Patch drink? A Sour Patch Jamba Juice, and it is really good. It's not like

brand approved or anything, but it has too many calories for it to be on the regular menu, which is oftentimes why things are put on a secret menu. Gotcha. Well, okay, so this has like a little layer of frost, which I think comes to it being stored in the freezer for the first part of our podcast. This is a little tricky.

But you know what, it's held up pretty well. I think we're going to get a good experience here. The texture is pretty reflective of what you'd get with a fresh slurpee straight out of the machine in a 7-Eleven. This is dangerous. It's really good. Wow, really? Okay, here we go. I don't know if I was supposed to just jump to it and say that. No, absolutely.

Let us know what you're tasting and experiencing. I love slurpees. I love a slurpee. I'm a big slurpee fan too. Oh my god, it is very sour. It's so... What? It's not that... I feel like... Yeah, go on. I think it's really sugary,

and it does have like some type of sourness to it, but I mean... I find the sourness kind of overwhelming. It's really like it feels like you're like with each sip. You're taking a little bit of that like you're putting like one of the sour patch

candies in your mouth, which for a beverage is a little little disconcerting. Oh man. They really... What's better than the texture of a slurpee? Seriously? I'm with you there. I actually love... You know, we had a time when me and my wife Natalie, before we were married, we had a time where we would go to a

7-Eleven with regularity, basically every day, and we would get a Coke Slurpee. Cherry Coke Slurpee, that's what I got going on. I love Coke Slurpee. They're so fucking good. I never had one till later, and they are really good. They're really, really good. And then we reached a point where we're just like,

I wonder how healthy these things are, and we looked, and we looked it up online, and it was like 480 calories per serving. So we were getting like 480 calories worth of Coke Slurpee every day. They're so sugary. We gotta stop doing this. They're very, very sugary. This thing is very, very sugary,

and they really get... They really nail the... I mean, this tastes like... Tastes like a sour patch. So the sour patch of water, you know, the watermelon slices, I love those, by the way. They're really good. But it just... It tastes like that in Slurpee form.

It's just... It's over... It's pretty strong, and it's pretty sour. It's just kind of... It's a little bit overpowering. I'll tell you what. It will give me a headache. Guarantee this will give me a headache. And also, it held up well. I gotta congratulate ourselves on that.

Refrigeration slash Ann Dustin. We did a good job of keeping this thing. You find every way to congratulate yourself on the food you eat. You congratulated yourself on telling someone how to make a sandwich, and now you're congratulating yourself that ice stayed cold in a freezing environment. I don't have a lot of things to be proud of.

I have. This is it for me. You're thanking yourself because of basic chemistry. This is that millennial... Whoa, okay, friend. ...participation trophy fucking culture of give me a pat on the back because I did a basic task. That's bullshit.

I'm saying I'm better than you guys. You didn't shit. Um... This is good because I did it. It is good because I did it, and it's good. And it held up. Oh, Jesus, I sound like a child. It held up pretty well. No, it did.

This drink is kind of that weird thing of like drinking like a spicy drink or, you know, like when it's like a... The sour sensation is so weird to get in a cold what's usually like refreshing, slurpy. You take a big drink of it, and then you're like, ooh, your lips pucker up.

There's an aftertaste to it that I feel is damaging. There's a little bit of a phant... I think phanta created... It's helped create this. There's a little bit of a... um... That thick syrupy phanta taste that's going on a little bit. Um, we've got a...

We've got the small slurpy, and I'm about a third full. So I think this is what, like a 12-ounce drink it looks like. And I'm just like... I feel like this would be really tough to finish all of this. And this is the smallest size they offer. I don't know if this is 12 ounces. It's pretty small. Yeah, it's a really small container.

This will make me sick and possibly keep me up too late tonight. Yes, I can feel my eyes widening right now. I know, right? I feel like it's really hitting my brain. Yeah, but you know what? Slurpees are... I love slurpees. I love... I grew to love the Coke one.

When I was younger, I loved the pina colada. I love the cherry. There was a diet Coke cherry slurpee that was really good. They always have some fun... They're doing some fun stuff over there at 7-Eleven with the Slurpee machine. I don't know what it's worth. The Sour Patch Watermelon? Sour Patch Watermelon. Absolutely.

But I will say Sour Patch Watermelon. This is what I expect that to taste like. It tastes like a Sour Patch Watermelon. Did you get what you're asked for? Yeah, it delivers on the promise of the premise. Sour Patch Watermelons are great. And if you ever leave them out and they get a little bit hard, they're just a perfect candy.

Sorry, I had to throw that in there. And if you ever do leave it out and it gets a little bit hard, go ahead and give yourself a pat on the back. Congratulate yourself for doing that. Which loves a Sour Patch Watermelon candy because he's figured out a way to make it better. I'm the furthest from a millennial of anyone. I have an AOL email address.

That is true. God, I know. Why do you have that? I have a number of times. In fact, I think related to a current interaction with someone we know, I have given out your email address to someone and had to be like, yeah, that's his real email. He has an AOL address. And they're like, are you sure?

That's the one that he uses. I probably lost a lot of jobs from it too. But I won't give my actual email address, but it's confusing in any way, every way you think about it. You basically took the default one that they offered you when you were like 16 and created it. Years ago.

And it's like a string of letters and numbers. And not really your name. Doesn't make sense. You know, you're operating like a new email address would cost you too much money. You can get one for free. Thanks, Fran. Thanks, Nick. You can get one for free,

and then you can congratulate yourself for doing that. Hey, guys. I got a new email address. You know what I like about email? That it was accessible to me. Fuck the both of you. Oh, God. Drink more of the sour slurpee so your mouth sour shit the both of you. I'm going to give the Sour Patch Watermelon Slurpee

a marginal drink versus drink or stink because of the novelty. I feel like this delivers on what you're expecting. It'd be hard to drink like a large size of these, but if this is what you want, you're going to get it in slurpee form. And slurpees are very good.

I'm going to give it a drink because a stink is just too harsh for this drink. I agree. I agree. You know what? Let's make it official. This thing's a drink. I also voted drink. A nice little fun. If you get the small one, it's a fun little treat. It's fun. It's great.

A fun summer drink. A nice life hack is if you have a rash, you can put a slurpee on it. I'm just kidding. Oh, my God. I wanted to have a life hack. You wanted to have a life hack? No, no.

You should have thought of one. I think if you just sold that and not been laughing over it the whole time, I would have just deleted it. And not laugh. Because I gave her a perplexing look. You gave me a look like, what do you mean is subway busy?

Well, that was drank or stink. Yeah. And just like a restaurant, we value your feedback. Let's open up the feedback. Daisy Mail comes to us from Nick in Philadelphia. Nick writes, Additionally, vegetarian options that are specifically aimed at vegetarians like veggie burgers tend to be pretty lame and kind of feel like

an afterthought at most places. I was wondering if you'd come across any good suggestions for non-meat options. From one Nick to another. Thank you for that email, Nick. Yeah, you know, this is tricky. I had a time recently, in fact, just this last year when I was trying to eat vegetarian. Wow.

And I found eating at fast food restaurants in particular to be pretty tricky. There just aren't a lot of options. For instance, McDonald's breakfast. You get a McDonald's breakfast, every single item has meat. You can get like hash browns or you can make a special substitution to ask for a McMuffin with no ham

or whatever. Who knows if they're just peeling the ham slice off and throwing it in the trash. And that's even if you consider eggs non-vegetarian. Yeah, and if you're a vegan, I mean, that's a whole other issue. We'll stick with a lacto-ovovegetarian perspective here. Okay, fair enough. One thing I will say is that if you go to Taco Bell, you can sub beans for any protein.

And that's one thing I found handy is you can get a taco without taking out the ground beef and then just replace it with beans. And that's pretty good and that's pretty satisfying. Yeah, a simulation of the real thing. Also too, he was mentioning Five Guys. He's in Philadelphia where there's no In-N-Out burgers

but he mentioned the Five Guys grilled cheese. I feel like if you are in an area with an In-N-Out burger, that In-N-Out burger grilled cheese is great. That's I feel like one of the best vegetarian sandwiches you can get. Wow. I'm not going to be helpful in this area because I don't know any meals but I would say like something that you have meat in it, fast food restaurants.

It's like, I don't know, French fries are like a milkshake. But that's not a meal. Oh wait, can you have milk? Yeah. If you're vegan, you can't. But we're doing vegetarian, that's fine. Alright, I'm not helpful. Well, this is tough because

all of us here are meat eaters, I believe. Yes. Yeah, I found that I love that idea of replacing beans at Chipotle Count as a fast food restaurant because

Chipotle has great just veggie options. And Chipotle also has what is that called? The sofrita. Yeah, and the sofrita. Oh my god, she broke it out. She broke it out for us.

I tasted the sofritas and they were actually pretty tasty. I enjoyed them so I think that might be your best bet. That is a good choice. Wendy's, I feel like of any of the fast food places Wendy's, you got a baked potato and you can put some cheddar cheese

and sour cream on there. I think that's pretty good. And their chili unfortunately does have beef in it. Their chili is the day before his hamburger smashed up. That is true. Wendy's has some, and I still love that chili regardless. Me too. A chili in French fries

from Wendy's is very good. You could do a potato and then at Wendy's a frosty and maybe a salad. I think Wendy's has pretty decent salads and you don't have to get meat on them. They're not bad. Those aren't bad at Wendy's. I think that's a pretty good choice.

This is one though I'd be interested to hear from our listeners. If anyone has any vegetarian recommendations out there because I know that is a struggle I faced when I spent about three to six months somewhere in that range of trying to eat vegetarian and yeah, if I went to a del taco or something there just wasn't a lot I could get.

I got into I had a bean and cheese burrito from Del Taco this year. It's fantastic. Yeah, I will say. It's really, really good. Right. Bean and cheese as like, I think if you can go to a Mexican place, getting a bean and cheese burrito is usually a pretty good simulation of a meat entree.

The bean replacement at Taco Bell seems like a great idea. And I say Wendy's in Chipotle but besides that, you know, pizza. You know, that's like there's there. I don't know if you consider that fast food. Good point. But Domino's or something. If you get the

they have like a pan like a pan pizza that's kind of tastes like a pizza hut and you can do the cheese of that and it's pretty decent. And then I guess Pizza Hut actually does have drive-thrus with a little personal pan pizza and breadsticks but I don't know if you want to include that

in fast food but that's your options. All right. Well, hopefully we were some help. Some help there Nick. Apologies if we weren't but hopefully our listeners will chime in. Somebody else with a nickname. Yeah. The original nickname. Nick, try impressing your friends in Philadelphia by having them

ask you if you have any nickels. Or don't if you don't want to get picked up. If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at doboyspodcast.gmail.com Fran Gillespie, thank you so much for being here, for talking about Subway for enlightening us about

the wonders of Panera bread. You'll have to come back and talk to us more about that. Anything you would like to plug or promote? Oh, God. You don't have to. It's optional. This is just how podcasts end. You can say your Twitter handle if you want. No, I'm good. You can.

My Twitter is at Fran Gillespie, my first and last name. And I'm in shows at UCB Theater every Sunday at 11pm called Search History. You can come to that. Right here in Los Angeles? That's right. And watch The Nanny on TV Land. That's right.

To learn how to say my first name. But thank you guys so much for having me and thank you for the gift certificate. Of course. Oh my God. What? You helped us tackle a tough one. Yeah, maybe we'll have you back

for Panera Bread. We'll see. This was a valuable conversation. That'll do it for this episode of Do Boys. Until next time, for Mike Mitchell to Spoonman, figure happy eating. See ya.