Doughboys - Taco Bell 3 with Bobby Lee

Episode Date: February 2, 2017

The ‘boys are back at Taco Bell… again. Bobby Lee (MadTV, TigerBelly podcast), who appears with Mitch on Netflix’s Love, joins for the most derailed, off-format episode yet. Bobby tells Wiger and Mitch to abandon the premise of their show, and advises Mitch on his love life. Plus, a listener submitted Wiger Challenge.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

China's Sorrow, the Scourge of the Sons of Han. These are the nicknames of Huan He, known in English as the Yellow River. The second longest river in Asia, its ominous alternate nomenclature, is because of its historically frequent fatal floods, yet it's also the equivalent of the Fertile Crescent of ancient Chinese civilization, and in 5000 BCE, the Neolithic Yang Shao people flourished by its shores. Pioneering many innovations in agriculture and construction, the Yang Shao were also avid at pottery, and in the third millennium BCE, built the first known instances of a

round hollow instrument with a clapper inside that struck a musical note when rung. Centuries later, in 500 CE on the other side of the world, the Nahuatl people split off from the Udo Aztecans and migrated to sell an area now known as Central America. By the 13th century, members of the Nahuatl had organized into the Aztec Empire, and one of their staple foods was a flatbread made of ground, pressed maize that they called Tolas Cali. The Aztecs and nearby indigenous people took to filling the flat corn cakes with fish, and by the time Spanish Colonials arrived, it was an established local cuisine.

The infamous Cortez was said to have indulged in a feast of the dish. Spanish Colonials would re-dub Tolas Cali as tortillas, after the similarly shaped Spanish style egg dishes of the same name. And they had a different name altogether for the dish that consisted of a tortilla stuffed with meat. In the mid-20th century CE, an American World War II veteran combined these two items of disparate century and continent, the tolling chime, the protein-filled corn cake, to form the branding of his restaurant, which would go on to gain global cultural influence of

its own. This week on Doughboys, we return, once again, to Taco Bell. Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. We're a production of Ferrellaudio.com. I'm Nick Weiger. This week's roast is courtesy of Brian Demo. Please welcome my co-host, Buzz McAllister's Beach Remains, the spoon man, Mike Mitchell. Hi, Mitch.

Buzz McAllister's Beach Remains. From Home Alone, I believe, is Buzz McAllister. Yes, no, from Home Alone for sure. I know that it's from Home Alone. I know who Buzz McAllister is. My question to you, I had no question about who Buzz McAllister was. But more so, Buzz McAllister, okay, I'm his Beach Remains. Right.

Okay. Do you want me to hold your hand through it? The idea is that he died and his corpse surfaced on the shores. There's nothing that I don't get about it. I get every part of what it is. I get it. This is just a weird reaction. This is a specifically weird reaction.

How is this weird? Because you're not mad, but you're kind of... Of course I'm mad. You're mad, but you're not usually like, what the fuck? What's your problem? I also feel like as a fat kid, getting called Buzz McAllister when I was younger, someone was like, you're like Buzz. Oh, did that happen a lot?

Was like, kind of like sucked. Right. So I don't like this one. Fuck you, whoever you are. I used to look like Kevin McAllister at one point in my life. Right. You're an adorable little toe-headed boy. I don't look like Buzz.

Fuck you. I'm going to fucking kill whoever did that. Who was it? I said at the top. I said Brian Demo. I'm trying to change the order of when, because it's always like I say who roasted you and then you get mad and then I don't have time to credit the guy or it's awkward for me to get out.

So I tried to lead off with it this time, but I think you weren't listening to anything until the insult came in, so I think you didn't catch it. Brian Demo, eh? D-U-M-O. I don't know if it's Dumo or Demo, but... Demo. Yeah. Dumb bitch.

No, I'll kill you. I mean, that one's kind of A to A. That's not a particularly... that's not a particular reach you need to make to do a pun on Demo. Mitch, how are you feeling this week? Your pats are in the Super Bowl. The pats are in the Super Bowl, baby. I'm very excited.

You're wearing a Patriots hat. We went to Taco Bell beforehand, which we'll get into in a bit, and the man behind the counter, like, said I am a pats fan too, showed you a pats tattoo. He pulled down a shirt and showed me a pats tattoo on his shoulder. And then you said, uh, keep pulling? Which was weird. I actually would have said that because I didn't get to see the entire tattoo. Oh, got it.

And this guy, that guy's not messing around. The guy who was behind the counter, he could have fucking folded you into fucking a pile and just destroyed you, Wager. Oh, yeah. No, he was a man's man for sure. He's a man's man for sure. I'm not, I'm a coward. I'm not a man's man.

No, I'm weak and useless. I'm very excited about the Patriots. You know, I love the Patriots. I love Tom Brady. I know that he gets a lot of shit. Well, he's been, I mean, he has some affiliation with. But he doesn't. He never said anything.

I mean, there was the Make America Great. He had the hat in the locker. The hat in the locker. The little suspect. Yes, that sucked. And listen, hey, let's, let's, let's, let's say it here now. Well, first of all, before we get into that, I want to say, to Spoon Nation. And you know, instead of a drop today, I'm going to give a Spoon Man shout out.

Oh, this is a new feature. That's right. This goes out to Rachel and Ryan Cornelius. Um, that we complain on the show that we've lost money and nothing good has come from it. Both two. We, it is both. It is true.

Uh, we, we, Rachel and Ryan, they sent us, uh, they sent us a couple of gifts. That's lovely. They sent us Ness, NES classics because they, they heard us talking about it on the show at one point and they just, out of the goodness of their heart, they sent, they, they sent us two Ness classics. Now those are pretty scarce. They're still kind of hard to come by. They're still hard to come by.

I have yours in my possession. I've plugged mine in and played it a bunch. I have yours and my plan is to sell it to Koalik. Mitch, that's, I, it's fucked up that someone sent you a gift and now you're going to profit off of it instead of giving it to me that you're, it's rightful only. Also, I'm going to sell it to Koalik at a markup. I'm going to sell it. Hopefully for $200 or so.

So you got it for free. So like $1 would be a markup. You're talking about selling it for above market value. Oh yeah, above market value. I'm sorry. Yes. It's like $200 or so. I mean, that's really shitty.

Yeah, but Koalik will probably fall for it, right? You think, I mean, I don't know. I don't think Koalik's like a, a goober. I think, I don't think he's a fool. I think he has, I think actually Koalik is decent with, I feel like he's got some business sense. He's got a business degree. Yeah, he had a business degree.

Yes. Yeah, Koalik knows what he's got. What, what's going on? I don't know about that. Fine. I'll give it to you. Thank you, Rachel and Ryan. That was very, that was very cool of you.

Thanks, guys. That's, that, that is, that's cool. Hey, speaking of- A civil gesture in an uncivil time. That is true. And oh yes, let's talk about that for a moment. Look, Donald Trump sucks dick. We all hate Donald Trump.

Right. He's a piece of shit. And I want to say- They're pretty kind of like some. Feliček. Feliček does like him. Feliček, the owner of Patriots is a big fan. Feliček talks to him on the phone.

But didn't, but didn't Bobcraft also donate to a lot of Democrats too? I don't know. I mean, I feel like- Bobcraft also, he, he, he bought the state in with his own money, not taxpayer money. Those billionaires are pretty amoral, I feel like. I feel like if you're a 70-year-old guy with a billion dollars, you're just going to, you're just going to spend money on whatever you think- Brady's life, Giselle, does not like Donald Trump.

Brady himself probably hasn't, when he had the hat in his locker room, it was, listen, I'm not going to defend it, but he had the hat in his, in the locker room. It was a long time ago, and, and, and he's never openly supported the man. So I don't know if he, it's like, what if Koalik ran for president, speaking of Koalik? What if Koalik ran for president? I would, I would have the Koalik hat and so on. So you think it's personal friendship that was driving it besides- I think that's what it was, isn't it?

He's been very, he's been very quiet about things, but listen, he should, should he say something? Yes, maybe, but should athletes, do we have to have athletes say their political feelings? I don't know. I would say, I would rather it not, and that's at least what he's done. But in an instance- I think it's pretty good when some of the, you know, a lot of the guys in the NBA have been very Kyle Lowry, Steve Curb, and very vocal.

It can be, it can be a good thing. I mean, now it feels like we should take Carl's Jr. out of the Golden Play Club. Actually, is it the Platinum Play Club or is the Golden Play Club? It's in the Golden Play Club. Carl's Jr., a CEO, Andy Puzder, CEO of, of Carl's Jr. Hardee's, a, a bad man who is Trump's pick to be Labor Secretary, is, yeah, he's in, he's in charge, and I think, or nominally in charge, and I think we're going to take him out of the Golden Play Club. Yes.

We'll put it in the, we'll put it in the shit pit. We'll put it in the shit pit for now. All right. It's in the shit pit, and maybe it will stay there. You, he fucked up, Trump fucked up, everything that's going on is crazy. It feels like the end of the world, but- TBD, but I better- The door boys are on the right side of history.

Yes. That's what we want to make clear. Right. Right. Let's introduce our guest, I'm sure. No. I cannot believe you're talking about my president in that way. Oh boy.

I mean, he's our president, guys. Right. That's right. And America has spoken. It's true. I think I have spoken. And that's it. But anyway, introduce me, I guess, if you want to.

Yeah, I'll read, I'll read a little introduction. You wrote one? Oh no, it's not much of an introduction. It's just like a sentence. Okay. We're doing this thing, I don't know if Mitch briefed you on this, but we're doing this thing where Mitch is booking the guests for six episodes. We're calling it the Spoonister Six.

You're a member of the Spoonister Six. Yeah. In terms of credits though, am I pretty high up there or no? Oh, you're- I think so, definitely. Who have you had? Who have you chosen? So far, it's been mostly friends of yours.

Drew McQueenie was- Way more credits. Who's the right- I know he is. Also, we had John Gabris. Yeah, I'm better. Number two. Who else did I have?

We had the infamous Bug Main. Oh, Bug Main, yes. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I almost said his name. Bug Main, which we can tell you the credits afterwards. He's a- Yeah, but you have more credits than Bug Main. Here is actually, this is what I wanted the Spoonister Six to be.

I wanted it to be just Bug Main and then I wanted to get five celebrities. And so you're the only time I came through with a celebrity. First of all, let me say something, okay? Yeah. Fucking celebrity, bro. I mean, you and I are in the same place in life. No. Yeah, 100%.

I'm struggling, dude. But that's what out here is, isn't it? I know, but I'm just saying that I'm still in the, like, struggle part of it. No, you're a legend. You're a comedy- Nah, I'll say it again. You're a comedy legend. You can say it again.

You're a comedy legend. It feels good. But can you give me my intro now? Because I feel comfortable now. Here's the intro I was going to say. That intro. From Netflix's Love, Mad TV and the podcast Tiger Belly, Bobby Lee. That's great.

Thank you. Thank you for that. You said it's so white, though. Yeah, no, Tiger Belly. That's exactly how... Well, that's me. That's my brand. That's very white.

I am... My personal brand is Undercover Cop, who's bad at it. I'm just... Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I'm so blatantly... I'm so transparently... I went to the LAX... I don't think they would let you out as an Undercover Cop.

They probably wouldn't. You could shot as soon as you walked out of the police station. I went to the LAX protest on Sunday with my wife. I mean, people yelled narc and... Seriously, I've never felt more like a narc in my life. There was nothing that was more approaching self-parody than me joining in a chant saying fuck white supremacy. You're more like a forensic guy.

Right, sure. Like, put this in the plastic bag. Yeah, exactly. Make it safe. That's you. I'm a forensic guy. You're not solving anything. What's he putting in?

You know? What are you putting in that plastic bag? Like, cum. Yeah, that's what I... That's what I thought. That's what... I feel like that's 90% of what forensic guys are finding, researching their swabbing down cum.

Are you sure about that? 90% of what... If there's any... If any people out there who are listening who are working forensics, let us know if 90% of what you're swabbing down is cum, because I don't... I feel like... I don't... I feel like that's not true.

All right. Hashtag... If true, hashtag 90% cum. If false, hashtag less than that. Bobby, so you're wearing a... I have a comment on something. I wasn't gonna talk about this, but you took off this very cool leather jacket and you've got Metallica Ride the Lightning shirt.

Yes. Are you a Metallica fan? I like the first three albums. I like Kill Him All. I like Ride the Lightning. Hell yeah. I like Nastro Puppets. Oh, that's good.

And then after that, I'm just like done. You're not on board with Injustice for All? It's a couple of songs in there I like, but yeah, it's a good album. List of you, the jar? Sure. Yeah, okay. That's a fun one. But I'm more of a...

I'm more of a CBGB guy. Okay. Yeah, I like Television and Talking Heads and all those like Ramones. I like that New York scene. I mean, I started with the Velvet Underground and then people don't know that about me because I'm more of a... I'm in a mainstream... I do mainstream comedy.

I'm not like cool like you guys, alternative. No. Cool. That's what this is. That's what this is. For unsuccessful here. No, but that's what it is. I hate...

What? With the birthday... You know, when the birthday boys were first pitching our show around, we were working on this guy, Dick Blasucci, who was a great guy. Oh, you know, I shit in his office. You know that? No. I did not know that, but I remember him only speaking highly of you and...

Well, I love him, but I shit in his office. Like in his office bathroom or in his office? No, in the floor. Why did you do that? Well, two reasons. Okay. Number one, he lied to me. I don't know.

Yeah, he... He told you it was a bathroom. No, no, no, no. I knew that Jackie Chan was going to play being Matt TV, so I wrote him a letter. I was new on the show. Okay. I go, please, can I just... I don't even have to have a line.

Can I just be an extra? And I wrote him a letter. I've never written a letter before. So that's a big deal for me. Right. I barely know how to write. So then I put it on his desk and then I was watching the show months later and he was on it and I wasn't in it.

Oh, man. And so one day, I walked into his office and Nicole Parker and Ike Bernholz, they were writing a sketch and Ike goes, stick this Tums in your butthole. Stick a Tums in your butthole? Yeah, because there's like a little roll of Tums. Okay. So I normally would go, because if I'm not mad at Dick, I'd be like, nah, that's rude. But then I went, oh, okay.

And then so I stuck it in and then something surprising happened. It foamed. Really? Did you know that? No. It foamed like a mad dog and it made a noise. Like externally? You could see the foam or just feel it?

Yeah, you can feel it and see it. Wow. Yeah. And then, and now everyone's laughing. Like I'm laughing, tears coming down my eyes, Nicole and Ike, they're laughing. And then I tried to fart out the Tums because I was like three of them in there and they had dissolved to like little pellets. But then, so those three came out and then a shit came out.

Right. And obviously, like, and then it was on the ground and then now we're all, we can't breathe because it's the funniest thing, you know, and then he walks in and he sees it all and he goes, clean it up. And then he walks out. Wow. I didn't get in trouble or anything. Yeah.

So. But it's kind of a humorless response it sounds like. It's not cool to poop in somebody's office. Right. Yeah. How would you react if I shit in your office? What? In my, the common, I share it off with people.

Whatever, a cubicle or whatever, did they put you out, did they put you on the roof at midnight? No, I share an office with the, with the writing staff. So. Like who, who, who, who, who? Oh, but Jesse Joyce is there, Dave Thomas in. Yep. Jesse's a man, but a great guy.

I was excited until he said son. Wait, what? Oh, because you were thinking of Dave Thomas, the founder of Wenders. Yeah. Jordan Morris, my good friend. Oh, great guy. For a week, been on the podcast. Joe Randezzo, the head writer over there.

Who am I missing? Okay. Blaine. Blaine. Blaine was a writer at MAD. Blaine, yeah. Blaine's an old school. Blaine's an old school.

Yeah. He's a machine gun. Never turns it off. He doesn't turn it off. Just constantly doing things. I love it. You come on, you love it. Couldn't love it more.

Makes me laugh all day long. But can I say something about Dick, just to defend him? Of course. Oh, sure. He's a legend. Oh, for sure. I mean, he was a head writer at CTV. Yeah.

Um, he roommate, he was roommates with John Candy at one point and, um, and, you know, Bill Murray and all those guys. So he comes from really good, a good comedy background. Oh, for sure. And I respect him. And if you're listening, Dick, I'm sorry. I hope that we've, we've, we've closed that. I hope, I hope the, we patched it all up.

That's what we do here. We squash long standing beefs on the podcast and create new ones between you and I, basically. Can I say something about Chris Hardwick, though? Please do. Do you mind? Oh, sure. Don't go for it. Dude.

So I, I love Chris. I've known him for years. Would you call him your boss? I'd say, I mean, he's, who's your boss? Comedy Central? I would say probably my boss is Joe Randazzo, the head writer, but, but Chris Hardwick is certainly the head. It's his show.

Yeah. Just call him the boss. He's the boss. Yeah. And so I did a thing with him on Comedy Central called the goddamn comedy jam. Do you know that? I've heard, I heard about this. Yeah.

So he, you tell a story and you sing a song, right? And he's so good. He's an amazing singer. Not only that, he did it with that guy from Bon Jovi, the guitarist, Richie Sambora, right? So Tiffy Haddish went up, got a standing ovation, then Chris Hardwick went up with Richie Sambora and then I had to close the show. Boy. And all we Comedy Central's note to me was don't show your penis.

I sort of got, I would get pieces of paper from like the top going, don't show your penis. And I would like be defensive. I would be like, what the fuck? I'm not going to show my penis. That's not my only skill. Right. Yeah. Though it is funny.

But then when Chris Hardwick was on stage killing it, I was like, I have to show my penis. I agree. Right. So I went up and I pulled my pants. I did my penis. But it was because of Chris, how good Chris was. He's an incredible singer. He's amazing.

It's not a talent he'll bust out often, but when he busts it out, it's impressive. He's multifaceted. He's so quick on his feet too. Amazingly quick. Weigart, have you ever shown that thing off on stage? Showing my dick on stage? Yeah. No, I haven't.

Have you? Well, man, yes, I have. You've shown your full dick because I've seen you naked, but I've holding your dick. Yes. I've done that more than ever. I'm more than anything else. I've got more than anything else. And that more than ever.

But I've also, I mean, this just makes you sound like a perv. No, it doesn't. Okay, good. One time at Shabby or something, a couple times at Shabby, back in the days where, here's the deal, just you talking about that TV and stuff, I feel like Nick and I can kind of agree to this, that like, it feels like you guys were more rock and roll and there was more fun stuff and kind of more crazy. And now I feel like our generation is kind of tame by comparison.

We're kind of like, there are a couple shows that are kind of crazy like that and not too shabby and stuff. I've done stuff in the past. Are you saying like contemporary sketch comedy is kind of sexless? Or just uncooled? Or maybe evolved. Yeah, maybe evolved. Maybe just look at it in that way.

It's evolved. I don't know about that. It's heady. You know? It's high-brow. Like, you know, like stories from Mad TV or SNL and stuff, it seemed like they were more kind of partiers and crazy and I don't know, our world has always been more tame, right? Maybe we were just kept out of the cool shit that was going on.

Yeah, we probably just weren't invited to any of the cool stuff. No, I mean, those days are over, though. I mean, look at the new Mad TV that came out compared to the old one. It's just, I mean, the talent, I mean, Adam Ray, all those guys are very talented. Yeah, they're my friends. I love them, but it's pretty watered down. I mean, it's like, you know, we got away with murder, you know? Do you think that's just everything these days is just a little bit more watered down,

a little bit more safe or what? Well, I just think that TV in general, like TV, TV is, aside from dramas, certain dramas, like I've never seen an empire, but I'm sure a lot of people watch it. Uh-huh. But in terms of comedies and stuff, I just think there's a ticking time bomb. You know, I think modern family is great, you know what I mean? You know, Big Bang Theory, but those are like, rare. You make a good point in that, like the things that kind of push the boundaries are dramas

now. It doesn't feel like, you know, like besides like, South Park is still kind of the one show that I'm like, oh, that kind of pushes the boundaries of every season, and yeah, but there's not like a ton that really, that really goes for it, right? Yeah, I mean, it's tough because you need, it needs to be a situation where the creators are given enough leeway or have accumulated enough clout where they have the creative freedom to do, to take risks and that the network is behind it. I mean, like just speaking of sketch comedy and Fox specifically, I was head writer in

the show, Party Over Here, that lasted 10 episodes and then was quickly canceled by Fox. But that was, we felt so neutered in terms of what we could do from the network, like they were just so heavy handed with notes to the point of like, you can't even say this profanity even if it's bleeped, like it was just, it was so restrictive in terms of content, and then we would deliver finished sketches and get notes and have to cut things out to the point where things just had, you know, we're just, just kind of like, felt kind of, I feel like a lot of the show was good, but I feel like a lot of it felt bland and I felt like it was ultimately 50% of what it could have been.

And that was a frustrating process. So I think that enters into some of, I think that enters into some of what comedy is, you know, just, there's also something too of just like about brands in general, like any sort of comment on brand, I know this work from Morgan and Comedy Central show, there's always like, hey, we can't talk about our shows about Taco Bell today. They'll be like, hey, you can't do that Taco Bell joke because we have a, we have an ad sales deal with, with, you know, Yum Brands or whatever, that sort of thing happens all the time.

Yeah. Yeah, it's, it's, it's ruining, ruining it, but I believe that if a sketch show was on Netflix, I think they would have some leeway and I think you could open up the envelope a little bit, you know. Yeah. It doesn't seem like they, like Love, of course, is a great show on Netflix. I, I, I'm on it. You're on it.

I'm on it. But, but yeah, no, I want, I want, there hasn't been as much of that. They did the character show, but there hasn't been a lot of like, like sketch comedy or whatever. Actually, you know, for the birthday boys, that was kind of when we felt like a lot of people started seeing our show was on Netflix. Right. Like a IFC, people didn't really watch the show as much as then it was released on Netflix

and it felt like, oh, this feels like the premiere of our show all over again. Yeah. I wrote for Comedy Bang Bang, which was also an IFC for a couple of seasons that, that too was invisible a lot for, to allow the country to tell it appeared on Netflix. I think that's just sort of the reality how people consume content. That's how it goes now. And I would, I mean, Love in itself, the reason why I'm doing it is because I know, I mean, I'm, I've never been in a show where I'm in it that little, right?

I'm like kind of reoccurring the second season. I'm in five. Yeah. I don't know what's going to happen in the third season, but I'm doing it because of the fact that I just think the show's good and, but the people are just involved from top to bottom are A-list, in my opinion, you know, so it's like, it feels like I've been in shitty things. I swear.

Yeah, of course. I've been in really shitty things, network things. We talked about cum already. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. That's true. That's true. And, and I've made good money on these shitty things and it's like, I'm kind of done with

that. Yeah. I just want to rather be on something where I can go, oh, that's cool that I'm a part of that. Right. And this, it's rare. I think it's in one episode of Kirby Enthusiasm, even though like I had, Larry David thought I ate a dog in the show, it's a little racist, but it's still like, it's still being a part

of that show is like, oh, this is cool and I'm a part of something. For sure. Cool. And that's something that I would watch or I like. Yeah. And that's rare. Well, Nick and I have talked about this a lot like that. I have thought about, you know what, I always wanted to do SML forever and, and, and, and

I did the audition out in LA at one point, but it was like that sort of thing of like, oh, I always want to do this show. And then a lot of people in comedy like, why do you want to do SNL? You know what I mean? Like, why would you even want to do it? And it is one of those things that just like, oh, the, there's people involved who are very good and it feels, it feels like show business and you, Nick, you and I have talked about this before, just a thing that feels like a production and feels like a TV show.

Like, I don't think a lot of people get that, that isn't a feeling you get a lot in this industry. Yeah, sure. It has some tangibility and it also has just sort of like, it's something that people know about. Yes, there is. I feel like a lot of things that I've worked on, I'm explaining to people like, oh, it's this thing.

Yeah, it's a new streaming service that you have to, if you have a Verizon phone, you can download the app and then you can, you just sign up for you. It's a month is free. And then after that's 399, but just the free month, you can watch the whole season. It's like, there's, there's so much shit that, that is real, but to see people might as well not be real. Yeah. And as a stand-up, I did Leno, not because of the, it was just a rite of passage.

Yeah. To say that, oh, I did the Tonight Show. Oh, no, that's. Right. As a stand-up, right? It's like, nobody really saw it, I don't think, and my parents didn't see it, so that's whatever. But like, it just in terms of my own, I just need some validation.

Right. And that's one of them, you know. Yes. I think, I think that that, I think that that's big and now, now, now maybe that's gone, right? Is doing. I mean, my friend Candace, I have an opener named Candace, when I do the road, she opens for me sometimes. She just did Fallon and she feels good about it.

Yeah, you should feel good about it. That's, that's, that's a great thing. Just say, I did the Tonight Show. You don't have to say Johnny Carson or Leno or Fallon. You could just say, I did the Tonight Show, it feels good. That does feel good. And we should be. Because it's hard.

Yeah. Yeah. And that, well, that's, and that's how I feel when you're, when you're giving yourself a hard time. That's how I feel with, with you and Mad TV, that's a, that's a cool, it's a cool thing to be a part of. It really is. I, I, I, I, like, I love guys like you and Artie and, and hearing all the story.

Were you one of the crazier guys when you were on the show, do you think? Well, I, you know, I, you know, I'm sober for 14 years. That's right. And I, you know, I relapsed when I was, I was sober for 12, I got sober in high school. And then when I got onto Mad, I relapsed. Oh, wow. Because I realized that they hated me. Uh, you think really?

Oh, no, for sure. Oh, wow. It's not even something that I'm not imagining it. Right. It's not, it's not a hate. It's just like, what the fuck do we do with this guy? Got it. Because he's never taken a sketch class, right?

He's never done improv, right? He's obviously something about him that's very funny and he made it through like the auditioning process. Sure. Of testing. Like I did all that. And I, I'm not an idiot. Like I could write, like I could look in the mirror and go, I'm going to do a funny face

and write a character in the point of view. I don't want to do that, right? Because I mean, I watch SNL. Yeah. So I got through all that. But then when I got there, I, they just wouldn't use me. I was the, I mean, even when like the second season, when Baron holds and Josh Myers were on the show, Seth's brother, you know, they were in like five sketches a week.

I was in either nothing or one and it would have a line, you know, that's so funny because I think of you as one of the stars of that show. I know. But what had to happen was, so then I was taking 60 Vicans a day, I was drinking 24 hours a day and it got to the point where like I would be in Tijuana, either in the brothel or at a pharmacy and I'd be strapping pills to my body. I'm not kidding you. And then getting a call from my agent going, you have a table read right now and I'm in

Tijuana. Jesus Christ. I mean, having sex with prostitutes and doing drugs. Yeah. It got to that point. I would not even show up to shoots like Ron Peterson one time, I had a shoot at Griffin Park where they had like a hundred people there, like cameras, everyone, I had rehearsed all week and I just went at a drug binge and so Ron Peterson did my part.

They called him that day. He showed up and did it. Wow. You know what I mean? Yeah. So then they gave me an intervention. Is this too long of a story? No, no, no.

It's great. Yes, it's great. Well, it's sad and great in it. I mean. It's great. It's great. So then they gave me an intervention one night and I remember showing, I was wearing a sweater and I had like acne and like boils on my face.

I was like really unhealthy and like you got to, you're dying. The like producers were, Dick Placicci was there. Yeah. You're dying. Yeah, that's right. We all die. You're like rebellious. Fuck yeah, dude.

We all die, bro. You know what I mean? Like that guy. And so then they go, can you, you're going to get fired if you don't change. So I called Duncan Trussell, you know, Duncan Trussell was dating this girl named Stephanie Escajeda. She's a commercial actress. She's very talented.

I haven't seen her in years, but you guys have to come over and grab all my drugs. So they drove over Duncan and Stephanie and they went through my whole house to get all the drugs out. Okay. Then I remember them making me a fish dinner. Okay. It was a Thursday. So I eat the fish, they're gone and now have no more Vicodin.

And then all of a sudden I go through the withdrawals. But then the next day I had to do a live taping for Mad and they wrote me a Connie Chung sketch. Right? Yeah. The next morning I barely slept. I'm literally, I should be in a hospital. Like I'm literally like as it says, like shaking on the bed. For sure.

Yeah. And I show up to Mad. God. Right. And I am sick. I'm in rehearsals and I'm like, my whole face looks like I fuck it. I'm Aquaman. I was going to say they probably couldn't even put makeup on you, right?

Well, they tried. And it just kept dripping off my face. God. And I was shaking and I had monologues in front of a live tape, like in front of an audience. Right? And it's like, when I did a Connie Chung, it was like me at a desk directing toward the camera, right? Camera number one.

And you're like, you have to do it. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm right there and I hear the audience and it's dark, you know, and I know they're going to count it down. I knew that it was going to be a disaster. I knew that this, I'm going to get fired. So this is what I hear.

Five, four, three, action, right? The lights come on and as soon as the lights don't come on, you could just see my face. My eyes are crossed, right? There's sweat dripping off my face. And I go, good evening. And then I go, I'm all right, Connie. And as I said, Connie, I shit my pants. I'm not kidding you.

It's dripping into the stockings to the point where all I hear is, this is all I know this. People are like around me. You know, like people are leaving and people are like grabbing onto me and people are yelling at me and I'm in a blackout. Like I can see what's going on, but it's like a dream. And then I notice I'm in like now my dressing room and I'm packing my dressing room with like stuff. So you thought you were done?

It was the last episode of the year. Oh, okay. The last episode of the year was packing, but I know I'm done. This is it. And I pack. No one says goodbye to me. It's embarrassing. God.

And then I woke up in the optimum health institute the next day in San Diego. I don't know how I got there, but I was in like a, in a bathroom, like a shake with draw. Yeah. And then, um, and then I got Harold and Kumar because I had auditioned in a black, I swear to fucking God. I was in a blackout drunk and I got Harold and Kumar. Jesus.

So then I, um, I got sober, I went to meetings. I went to Canada to do two days on Harold and Kumar, then I did a gig in Hawaii. And then when I came back that summer, I mean, that's, it was a summertime and I, um, I went to a meeting and there was a lady there and it was, um, a producer from that and she saw that I was doing, going to a lot of meetings and looking better. And a couple of months later she calls me and says, I got your job back. Oh shit. I don't want to go back.

And so, so what happened was that year, the third year I came in and I didn't take no for an answer. I literally, I was sober and also it's like, you know, you learn some tools, like just kind of suit up, show up, you do your best, you know, and you let it go and you don't hold onto resentments and you, you're clear about, you know, and so I, I survived. Like that third year was better and then I stayed on the show for six more years. Wow. Here's to you.

Congrats on the sobriety. Right. I've been sober ever since, you know, that's fucking incredible. That's crazy. I guess the only thing Nick and I can relate to in that story is having to shit while doing the show. Which is, happens on this show probably a lot. I mean, I can, I can relate to the general idea of failing in front of an audience.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. It still happens. Yeah. That's still happened. Right. That's incredible.

That's incredible. That's a, that's a, that's a, but you know what? Yeah. I mean, but it's also a good bottom for me. Right. I'm glad that happened. Yeah. Because if I even feel like, which rarely happens, but even if I think about it, it's

just, I just think of that moment. Yeah. So ingrained into your psyche. Yeah. Right. That like, it just, there's just no way. It really felt like you were driving towards, you were going to go out there and then sit down at that desk and then just go into a trance and read off that prompter and just

fucking nail that sketch. We didn't have prompters. Oh wow. Okay. That's crazy. Yeah. They made you memorize it. Oh my God.

Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but I had, we had to memorize it. But um, yeah, I mean it was a, but you know what? Fuck it.

Yeah. Fuck it. But you know what? This is paying guys. That's even more impressive that you had, you had that whole memory. Yeah. You get off of mad, right? You know, your eight years of, you know, like, let me just say this and I don't want to,

I want to just say this. And because I want, I never talk about myself in a good way. Uh huh. I'm very negative. Same here. But you are? Yes. Yeah.

Like nothing I ever do is good. Mm hmm. I'm the kind of guy like does a show and go, oh that's sucked. You know what I mean? Yeah. Right. But I'm going to have, I have a moment of clarity right now. I'm going to say something that, you know, for an Asian guy to be on an American sketch

show for eight years to me is a pretty big deal. 100%. Because it's never happened before. Right. For sure. But I, but nobody gives a shit. I don't think that's true. I don't think that's true.

I don't think that's true. I don't think it's true either. Yeah, yeah. I don't think it's true either. And I mean, let me say this though. Like when I got off of mad, I couldn't work because then like, you know, we have in Hollywood, they have Asian of the year, right? They use one guy.

Sure. Ken. So Ken comes along. Yeah. You know, Asian of the year or three or four years. Then Randall Park, Asian of the year, right? But I never got Asian of the year. When did they, why did they, I never got it.

There's still time. No, but there is no time. I got, I got passed over for the Asian of the year. Who got it? Who got it? Your year? Who was the, who got it? Nobody had it that year.

Maybe John Cho. John Cho had it that year. You know what I mean? But I got skipped over. Right. And so now I'm in line waiting for Asian of the year and I never got it. Yeah. That's fucked up.

And if tried, here, have this and then it just doesn't work out. I think it's, though, it definitely speaks to your talent that you are, you're battling like such a, there's this institutionalized racism in this industry that everyone knows about. Right. But then you were battling that. Don't even get me started, dog. But then you were able to, to have such a, a successful, that you're able to be such

a success. I think that speaks to your talent. I have to pay. I have to eat. Right. Yeah. So I have to survive. Yeah.

Of course. I still have the work ethic, the Asian work ethic. It's, it's, well, it's great. It's crazy how. What? It's just crazy how hard this industry already is. Right. It's insane.

It's so hard. I want to, oh man. We're, we're just all getting sad about the lies of this industry. We're not complaining. No. No. Sorry. Anyone listening, dude, it's that Taco Bell.

I know. Sorry. He ate it. I feel it in my throat. I feel it in my gut. It's like, you're trying to get me diabetes or something. It's hard to pick the right time to eat pre-show. It's like, if you eat just beforehand, it starts to hit you midway through.

But if you eat too early, that might have its own consequences. On cases of the rumblies as Nick calls it famously. Yeah. Or maybe not famously. Whatever you can call something known from this podcast as. Very, very far below famously. I just had a moment of clarity. And I forget everything I just said.

I'm grateful. Everybody, hey, if you're in Hollywood, you're listening, I am grateful. Awesome. Thank you so, so much for the lines. Saturday Live has still, there's never been an Asian center. Never will be. Yeah. Then never will be.

You think so? I think you, I think you may be right. I mean, if, listen, if you're in this, they've been around since the early 70s, right? Yeah. 75. 75. If you're not going to have one by now, you're never going to have one. I mean, look, I mean, we're 7%, 5%, 6% of the population.

Come on. Right. Yeah. You know, but, I mean, they don't even, they won't even cast us when we need to play ourselves. And Dr. Strange, like Tilda Switton's character, I mean, they make Ghost in the Show with Scarlett Johansson. That's really weird.

It's like, it's like, you know what the reason why they're not going to cast a black guy as Superman? Do you know why? Why? Because Superman's not black. Right. Okay. Yeah.

You know, but, but when it comes to us. Steel, there is Steel, who is the Superman, he, when, when Superman died, did you have to fucking actually that point, Mitch? Did you have to derail that with your fucking DC deep cut? I mean, you're a nerd. I'm just saying that I hope that they make a steel one day would be cool. They didn't make a steel with shack. It was terrible.

Oh, fuck, yeah. Well, I don't count that. So Steel is supposed to be white. Is he a white or black? He's black. I don't know. He's black? Yeah.

Well, they did. Shaquille deals black. Yeah. Yeah. What are you talking about? Please continue on. I didn't mean to. No, no, no.

Why did you do that? I don't know. I got, I got nervous. I got nervous. I was trying to say that there is a black Superman quote unquote that should be any should be around. I mean, they have blade. He's a black guy.

He's supposed to be black. Yeah. Right. The one time they're doing it. That's weird. Aquaman. Oh, yes. He's not Samoan.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. You know what? I'm gonna say I'm pissed about that too. Oh, boy. Yeah. You should not.

Yeah. Protests. You really should. But, um, yeah, I mean, you know what? I'm not complaining. I don't know why they do that. And, you know, people could say, well, it's because it's not going to make any money if they put an Asian in it.

And maybe they have a point. Well, in the late, in Rogue One, there's a, the, the famous Hong Kong star. Right. I hated that movie. You didn't like Rogue One? Oh my God. I, like, I kept turning to my brother, Steve. We're in Phoenix because my parents live there.

And, um, I should go and let's go. Because no, no, no, we got to stay. We pay for it. We got to stay. I can't do it. And then he was, like, going, let's go. Then I was like, no, in spite, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

People were staying now. Right. I mean, everything about, I just irritated me, that movie. What? We, we, I, I hated Force Awakens. I didn't like Force Awakens. Force Awakens was tolerable. There are some moments in Force Awakens that's baffling to me.

Ah, Force Awakens. Number one, I'll tell you what the main thing about Force Awakens is baffling. Force Awakens is baffling to me, okay? Go for it. You and I, let's just talk about you and I. Okay, I love you. Let's say you and I. You and Nick just to, to get, like, past people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get the fuck out of here, Mitch. Get the fuck out of here, Mitch. Nick, you and I, for 50 fucking years, we hung out every fucking day. Right. God, you'd be so bored, Bobby. Right. And you and I, right, had a ship and were cargo smugglers.

And we were, you know what I mean, fighting, you know, and smuggling and doing all kinds of stuff together for 50 fucking years. Co-workers, best friends. And then your son kills you. Yeah. And I barely cry. Right. You're talking about Chewbacca's reaction to Kylo Ren.

Yes. I think that was her. Err, once. And then it's like, that's that? Yes, I know. That's your fucking best friend, bro? Bobby, I could break down every moment of Force Awakens and say why it's bad. I think Force Awakens is the worst.

I think it's the worst thing on Earth. And by the way. What's the worst Star Wars? You think it's worse than all the prequels? I think it's worse than any Star Wars ever made. Oh my God, you're so wrong. I think it's so bad. You are so wrong.

I've never heard anything more wrong than what you just said. Also, I want to say, one of our friends pointed out that, because everyone is deleting Uber. Yes. Right now. Bob Iger, also on the chair, on Trump's chair. Oh my God. You're making a point that the Uber CEO himself made, which is that there are a number of CEOs from various industries.

A CEO of Pepsi who are sitting on Trump's board of economic advisers. I'm not exactly sure what it's called. But Bob Iger, one of them, we should boycott Marvel and Star Wars movies, right? I think it's going to be a little tougher to get people to rally around that versus deleting an app on your phone, which is pretty easy to do. You guys are both mad at me. I was trying. It's just the thing is that Trump is going to affect the people that voted for him.

Oh, of course. I don't think he's going to directly affect us. We live in California. Sure. I love my life here. Uh-huh. I have a great life here. Yeah.

Also, it's like, I voted for Hillary because of the fact that I care about what happens to others. Yeah. Even the tax thing, it's like, all right, if I have to give up a little bit to help a midget walk better. And that was a specific item on Hillary's agenda. Yeah, right. Like, you know, homeless people get toilet paper or whatever.

Right. Papa's there. Papa's there. Yeah. Here's a dollar. Right? I don't need to hoard my money. Uh-huh.

And then also, it's like, you know, I'm an ethnic person. You know, I just hate, I hate, not white people. You guys are good. Hey. No, you guys are good. No, you guys are the good ones. Thanks, Bobby. Thanks, Bobby.

You know, remember the Freedom Riders in the 60s? You remember them? Yeah. No, look at me right now. I do remember the Freedom Riders. They used to just sit-ins and, you know, like the, you know, all-white, you know, restaurants and then sit with the blacks, these white dudes, and go, I'm going to, you know, sit with my brother and we're going to get ketchup all over our heads together.

Uh-huh. Right? Yeah. That's what you guys are. Freedom Riders. Oh, yeah. I've thought about that and I don't think I'm quite that. I'm the guy who would, like, read about those guys and feel good about himself.

Be like, oh, those guys are doing the right thing. Oh, yeah? Good for them. Wait, so you would have never done that stuff. I don't know if I would. Like, I'm trying to think of, because there's something you can- I think I would just be the guy who was at the corner eating anyway. Yeah.

But would you apport stuff on black people's heads? Never. No. Never in my life. You don't know, though. You see, the thing is that we don't know how we would be if we were in that situation. Yeah. We think that we would.

Right. If you're growing up all white and everyone's, like, feeling this way, and maybe you're, like, being brainwashed to think, yeah, minorities are less, less than. Yeah. And there's certainly things that we are probably complicit in that maybe we can't even understand without knowing the full arc of history. For sure. Like certain, like certain awful things the U.S. is doing from a foreign policy standpoint.

You could say, if you want to talk about animal rights, something like factory farming that we're kind of complicit in may ultimately prove to be something that, you know, this era of history were judged for. So who fucking knows? Bobby, my Quincy, Massachusetts, it's, it's. I don't fucking give a fuck about Quincy, Massachusetts. Hell yeah. There's a lot of Irish people.

There's a lot of Irish Americans and there's a lot of, a lot of, and then there's a lot of Asians. It's, it was known as, like it got the name Little Chinatown because it, the T, the MBT, the red line went through Quincy. So there's. Are you saying this so that we can bond on that level? Oh no. I was actually going to say.

That's the one thing I hate what white people do. Like I'll be on a plane with a guy who, you can tell that they're not really used to, they didn't grow up with Asians, but they want to talk to you. So they just say something that they think is going to connect with you. So one guy, I'm not kidding. I was on Southwest and this Southern guy looks to me and goes, Hey man, I just want to let you know that my daughter loves Hello Kitty, like I'm supposed to go, I didn't fucking make it.

Right. And if I did, I wouldn't be on Southwest airline, bro, but they, and then I have to go, Oh cool. Like an idiot. I have to go. Oh cool. Yeah. Hello kid is cool.

That's a little right. I didn't have to have that shitty fucking. No, that's, and I would respond the same way. I just did it with the fucking Massachusetts. I grew up with Asians. I was actually my, I was going to say is there, there was a very, there was, there was racial tension in Quincy for a very long time between kind of the white students. No.

In Boston, there was racial tension, this is such bullshit because you know, you've met some of my friends and you know, they're all, they're all, they're all progressive guys. But I, I'm saying that I saw a growing up, you, you, you see a lot of that in the, in the people who I, the funny thing is growing up, I hate, well, I hate white guys more than I hate anyone else. Like if I think about high school and college, the people who I hate more than anything that makes like my blood boil were white guys. I, I, I hate them, but, but, but for sure, I saw a lot of different things and it's crazy

to me that even from like 1980, like I was born in 82, but then like from like seeing, seeing how things changed even in my 20 something years in Quincy is, is, is crazy to me. So I can't even imagine, which is a liberal, you know, pretty progressive place. Right. So I can't imagine what it was like. In 2017, guys, I mean, it's like we're connected, we're connected to the world. I mean, the things that we can do, like in terms of cloning technology and like, you know, it's like, I don't know why it's even a fucking issue.

Yeah. I mean, it's in our politics as if it should be, it shouldn't, but it's there and we're still dealing with the same bullshit and it's like, I mean, in 30 years, the singularity movement is going to happen where a machine gets consciousness and then what? I want to get put into a machine possibly if it could, if it could work out that way. I think probably at some point you'll be hooked up to machines, but I don't know, like as far as a consciousness is a machine, are you saying like on life support? Yeah.

I figured that'll happen pretty soon. No, it's, it's like, it's so like the idea of even that, like consciousness transference to a machine, like what does that do? Like what does that mean exactly? Like that has its own. Hey, when they, when they plug you into computers again, a programming error, you're just linking up two computers in that case. Right.

You think they'll get to a point where they'll just take your brain out of your head and you're just in this like jar and you have like, you know, electrodes or whatever like connection, you know, and you just live forever? I kind of want to live forever. I kind of want to live forever. Why not? You don't believe in God then. I do believe in God.

I'm actually, I'm, I, I, I'm a Catholic boy. I'm a Catholic boy. You really believe in God. Mitch not only believes in God, he believes in the devil. The devil is scary. One, I want to say one. The devil is terrifying. You're scared of the red hoofed man with a pitchfork that's going to poke you in the

butt if you sin too much. Of course. Yes. I'm afraid of the, I'm afraid of the hoofed man. Have you ever seen Exorcist, Weigar? Yeah. It's a scary movie. It is scary.

Oh my God, it is. It's a very scary movie. That's enough for me to be scared of the devil forever. Um, I don't know, I guess I'm probably more agnostic. I, I, I don't, I, I can't say whether I believe that there is something or not. And I, but I also, you know, like, I don't love like, like anti-gay Christians. Of course I, that's, that's, I don't like anything like that. But I also, I also, you know, this Weigar, I don't like also when people are like these

idiots who believe in God. I think I also don't like that either. Yeah, that's sort of the condescension of new atheism is a little off-putting. Yes. Just like, like, mm, oh, you believe in God. Like that's just, that attitude is unnecessary. My father died, my friend has, has died and I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, My dad died.

Yes. When? He died five years ago. Oh my God. How? He had cancer. He had a, he had pancreatic cancer. My dad, my dad right now, he's had like 16 strokes in the last two years.

Oh Jesus. Oh man. I feel like, and my mom, we all feel like it's toward the end. And, um, I don't know if I can, I don't even know how I can deal with it. I know. I literally, I don't know how did you do it? It's the hardest thing on earth. Truly.

I mean, it was the hardest thing. Like this, this isn't like a relief, but there is that thing when it happens where you're like, well, I mean, it also, I guess it depends on your relationship with your, you know, with your mother or father. I feel like you like that. Do you really? I love them. I think, I think, I think honestly, I think it's hard either way.

Yeah. And, and that, I don't know if that's like a thing where an effort happens, you're like, well, I'll never have to experience as anything harder than that ever again. You know what I mean? Like I've experienced the hardest thing to do, but it is, it's very hard, but you, you just, my mom is still alive. My mom is still alive. Yeah.

And that's kind of how I'm like, that's going to be even worse for you probably. That will be very, very, that also will be very hard. I feel like, I feel like it's the family and friends that pull you through that. You know what I mean? That's kind of what I don't have any friends. You have plenty of friends. That can't be true. You have plenty of friends.

I call it sunshine. Those, those, those are the, those are the people that, that you appreciate so much more. I'm sorry about that. Oh, so it's been five years now. And we joke about it. I didn't know you five years ago. That's true.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Thank you. I appreciate that. You're welcome. Should I cry? Should I force myself to cry? We've made jokes about my dad and how disappointed he'd be in me if he knew that this was what

I was doing. A food podcast? Can I say something else? We can edit this out if you don't like it. Sure. When Mitch's dad died, me and some, me and our, our sketch group kids from daddy, we like put together and we, we sent Mitch some flowers. Oh, yes.

We put it all together. And Mitch sent me a thank you note. And it was, so this thank you note was like, like, and the inside the card was just like the nicest, like most sincere, like thank you, Nick. Like you're such a, you're such a great guy. Like that meant so much to me seeing those flowers is such a hard time. And for a friend and someone I respect so much, it was just like so, it was, it meant so much to me.

It was just like the nicest thing in the world. And then you flip the card over and on the backside was just a solid wall of insults. Like, hey, I didn't mean any of that shit. You fucking piece of shit. You fucking hack. You're not talented. Are you really? Yeah.

It was just, it was just so fucking vicious and personal until the very end. I love it. Your face, dude. Can I just tell you about your face? You know what? I have like a giant moon face. Wait, wait a minute. Why did you get sad?

Yeah. Cause I just wanted to say something real, man. Go for it. Oh, go please. I'm sorry. I was, I insult myself before I could let anyone say it. I know, but, um, like I didn't know you, like I, I, we met, we've only hung out really at love situations or table reason or whatnot.

But the first time I saw you, you have one of those unique faces that you can tell by your eyes. Oh yeah. That you're a good person. Oh, thank you. Oh boy. That means a lot to me. You, you not so much.

No. You mean those snake eyes? Yeah. Snake eyes? Yeah. Um, but you, your, your face is like one of those guys that when you smile, it's just like, like I want to fuck your face or something. I don't know what, I want to hug you or fuck your face or something, but you really have

a good face. Right. And they like ability. Yeah. You want to just like this guy. Like if you were in a sitcom, you would test off the fucking Richter. Except I can't, I can't even, like you, I, I, I hate auditioning more than anything on earth.

I will never. Have you had bad ones? I've, I've, I've told, I've, I've actually talked about a couple of them on here where I was auditioning for a Disney show and basically had a mental breakdown and had to leave and do it. I have, I have one that ruined my career almost just like that. It was, it was, it was, it was very, very embarrassing. Tell me really quick.

I want to see what's like mine. I was in the room and I, I was, I knew the lines and I went in and the casting director, it was for the show Zeke and Luther. And I had the lines down and I went in and I said, I was like, yo, Zeke Luther, it's your uncle, whatever. Like I was a surf boarding uncle and I kept freezing at this one part. I was like, yo, Zeke Luther, it's, I'm sorry, can I go again? And I did that like five times and they were like, do you need some time?

And I said, yes. So I went out into the hallway and I studied the lines for an hour, a full hour. And I came back in and they said, you're ready? I said, yep, I'm ready to go. And they said, I went, yo, Zeke Luther, and I paused again and they were like, hey, we're going to invite you to callbacks tomorrow because they felt bad for me. And I went home and was like, I don't want to go to this callback. I don't want to do this.

This is so embarrassing. Yeah. But I went home and I studied the lines and I went to the fucking callback and I did it and I did the scene and they were like, okay. They didn't like it that much. It was just like, sure, you did it. And then I left and was like, fuck that. Fuck it.

I fucking hate auditioning. I hate it so much. I'm going to tell you what, I'm going to stand. Can I stand and tell it? Of course. You mind? Go for it. Okay.

You sure? Yeah. Okay, thank you. I need to stand for this. So fuck, bro. I get signed to CAA. Big agency. Right.

They, yeah, we were so pumped to have you. They sent me out on this thing where it's like, it just said casting director, you're going to read the casting director, I go, oh, that's no problem. I barely read it. But I show up and I'm, I'm no one's there. And also it was a nice, you know how like a lot of it looked like. It looks industrial or just plain like an office. Very depressing.

This one was like koi fish. They give you a glass of water. Shit, yeah. These gigantic wooden doors, right? That's bad news. Right. And I go, this is awful. I got to leave.

As soon as I walk in, it's like 20 fucking people in there, right? 20 people, the director, big director, producers, everyone, and they're just smiling. He's here. As soon as I walked in, I had to leave. I knew, I knew I'm out. Yeah. Of course. Right?

But how do you do it? Okay. How? This is how. So I have the first line. So you be the casting director. Okay. And you tell me, okay, Bobby, go ahead.

Okay, Bobby, go ahead. Okay. Okay. Bye. I said bye effeminately, and I left the room. I got in my car and I literally started crying. Jesus Christ. Tears coming down my head because of the cowardice, and because I'm not prepared, and

because of wasting people's time, and because I'm never going to make it. You know what I mean? I know. There's so. And so then what happens? My agents call me and they go, you know, I mean, there's nothing because you fucked it up. Yeah.

And so, but they still kept me on. I'm still with them. That's so that. That's crazy. Also, they didn't like, of course, they didn't make you feel good. That's the worst thing about it is that when you're like, I'm wasting everyone's time, I feel bad. And then when you get like, some call from your agent that confirms that in some way

where it's like, it's like, you fucked that up. And that's like, that is, that is the word. That. But could I tell you what saved my, saved me? Please do. Beta blockers. Oh, really? I'm going to tell you something right now, dude.

I know this actress. I'm going to name her who it is because she doesn't want people to know that she's on them. Uh huh. A lot of people are on them. And I told her that story. She goes, you fucking idiot. Just take beta blockers.

And I go, what is it? So I went to a therapist, right? And then I got some. And it. Okay. Let me just say something. It makes your mouth really dry. Right.

But here's what happens. All right. It's, it's, it's fight or flight because it's like you're, it's an unnatural environment you're in. Right. Yeah. Right. There's an enormous amount of pressure.

It just doesn't seem fun. It's not right. You're being observed by a bunch of strangers judging you. Right. And also you want to do a good job. And also you feel like, here's another thing that Eric Stone Street told me later was Eric Stone Street. He's a modern family.

He said, it doesn't have to be perfect. So what I do on the top of my auditioning paper, it doesn't have to be perfect. Perfect. Yeah. You're a human being. You just got these sides. You know, when you shoot a movie, you do a couple of lines. They do reverses.

They do, you do it a thousand times, right? So and what it does is, it's like that, you know, when, when, when I mess up on a line in audition, if, if I'm not on beta blockers, my mind goes, you're fucking up, they know. Right. But with beta blockers, it doesn't do that. So you fuck up. All right. So you're not in your head.

You're thinking about the scene or whatever. Right. Yeah. And I'll still, though, every once in a while, I'll have a little blood, like a far, like a panic. And I'll say, can I start over? Yeah. Right.

And I hate it. Yeah. And, you know, and the, my, my, the worst human experiences of my life has been in auditioning. Yeah. I mean, they're like nightmarish, but you do it anyway. You have to do it. I've said this before, but it's, it's hard to, to explain to people how, how unlike what your job is, it is like, it's, it's that sort of thing.

It's so unlike what you're going to do. Yeah. It's, it's this weird test. It's like, like if a lawyer was applying for a job and then the, the test was like a situation that would never happen in, you know what I mean? Like it would never be like this where you have to get this, the, the, the scene right with auditioning. You don't have to get the scene right like that for seven pages ever.

It just nailed on that analogy immediately. Look, my dad was a lawyer and I was embarrassed that I don't know what I'm talking about. Yeah. But you know what I'm saying? With any job where you're, I'm saying where you're applying for this job and they make you do something that you'll never have to. It's not, it's not exactly one to one with the, I mean, I'm not an actor. So this is auditioning as a thing that I've auditioned before.

Maybe a half dozen times in my life I've been in audition scenarios, but I, but my understanding of it is that it is a thing of just like, yeah, it's pretty foreign from being on both sides of the process is pretty foreign from actually acting in front of a camera or in front of an audience. It's a little, it's a little different from that. It's, and it's awful. I've, I've had some of my lowest moments. Yeah.

And it's ongoing. I mean, and you know, I mean, like maybe a lot of people listening to this aren't necessarily actors or in the entertainment industry, but you can relate to the pressure of a job interview and think of it. Imagine if a job interview, you're going on, you know, a dozen job interviews every single week and then there were, you had to stand and be observed by a panel of people you don't know every time. It's like, it's like a very heightened version of a job interview.

Yeah. Exactly. So every word is like being scrutinized, I feel like, you know, but here's another thing just to end it, and I keep talking about it, but there's two things I learned. Number one, I did a movie with Jamie Kennedy. He did something that he got, he fucked up on a line, right? Like it was a close up on him. He goes, I'm just going to do it in a runner.

Like I had never heard that before. So he did that line 50 times in a row. And they just cut it into the fucking movie. Yeah, exactly. And then here's another thing that I did. I was in the dictator and I was seen with Sir Ben Kingsley. Right. He's like the best actor ever.

Right. And I'm just I'm standing there and looking at him. And at one point he goes, ah, line, he doesn't even fucking know. It's because here's the thing is that we put so much pressure like we're unfair to ourselves. Yeah, I think you and I are like that in a certain way. Oh, yeah. Similar in that way.

I'll run away from you at the table read. I see the same fear in my eyes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so crazy to hear all this coming from you, Bobby, it's someone and I met you for the first time today and you're someone whose work I've admired for years and I think you're such a funny dude. And to hear that there's there's such like a lack of confidence from you,

someone who seems so confident when you're performing. And it's just it's just surprising to me. But I guess that's just a thing that exists. Well, I mean, I think I was just, you know, I was molested. Did I make it? No, no, that's fine. I'm so sorry. It's fine.

It's crazy. I'm over it. But I didn't to throw this at you. I didn't know you. Yeah. Oh, I'm just telling you. Oh, no, I'm sorry. So I was molested and then, you know, as a young kid,

like my parents are Korean, so they're very violent. I didn't get good grades. So I kind of tried. I'm just dumb, right? So I got bad grades and then every time, you know, so then I did drugs early on. I drank at 12. Yeah, I did meth meth at 13.

Oh, man. And I'm an Asian kid, too. I'm supposed to be get straight A's. I'm getting all F's. Right. I'm on. So I started off in the wrong foot. Right.

And so I'm being kind of just, you know what I mean? Trying to get through it. You know, you're the best I can. So I come from that. But here's the thing that another thing that I want to say about myself is I'd still go for it with even all this stuff about auditioning and all this stuff about, you know, the fear and all that.

I still do it. Yeah. And that's, I think, the key to life. I think you're right. Just no matter how scary it is, no matter how like people say, I'm never going to make it. My parents, you, you, you're never going to make it because you, you, you, you're not funny.

You didn't make nobody laugh, you know what I mean? My dad, right? Saying that to me over the years. But still, I'm going to do it anyway. And I walk through tremendous amounts of fear and pressure and I did it. And that's the only thing that I've done right in my life. You did the same.

You did the same. Yeah. And we continue to do this podcast, even though we probably shouldn't, but you're right. I should. I feel like you're right. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's staying at it is in just doing it if you love it.

You know what I mean? You got to do it. Let's talk Taco Bell. Taco Bell three. So, so Bobby, are you a Taco Bell fan? Like, is that a thing you, you love growing up? Once a week. I, for me, in terms of, it's just been something that I grew up

with and, um, if there's a, um, homie feeling to Taco Bell. Sure. And what I love about Taco Bell is their creativity and what to be real. The, the, this is one of the reasons I love this chain. They're innovators. They're innovators. Oh, so they take on me.

Obviously it's kind of hacky to say this, but they have six ingredients and they, you, they make a thousand things out of them. Oh, of course. Yeah. But by the way, when you say hacky, it's a thing that we constantly repeat on this podcast all the time. I mean, I, that's what we, the way that they can make new

creations out of the same six flavors. And Gabor's talked about this. It's, it's an, it's an amazing thing. Yeah. Like talk about the double decker. Uh-huh. Supreme, right? Yep.

We take a hard tortilla. Mm-hmm. We take a soft tortilla and we use refried beans as an adhesive. Mm-hmm. It's ingenious. Yeah. Right. Like who thought of that?

I remember the rough draft of the double decker when I was younger. I remember when they had like a prototype of that, uh, maybe also called the double decker when, when I was a, a teenager. And then they've brought it back recently and it's, it's perfected. Yeah. There is some genius. There is some genius man or woman who is, who, who was in there figuring this stuff out.

And I, it's, it's like with, with comedy or, or any entertainment, if you see something that you're like, wow, that really blew me away or something, I feel like Taco Bell pulls that off all the time. Just even today, not to jump into our meals too quick, but we, we got the Nick, you and I ate the, the naked chicken chalupa. Yeah. We are doing, we're doing Taco Bell for the, the second time in a row. But this is, this episode is particularly relevant because in the

time since we recorded our last episode, the naked chicken chalupa has been released and that's the, uh, that's the, the taco that is made with a fried chicken breast as the shell. There is no, really? Yeah. There's no meat. There's just sauce, cheese, lettuce and tomatoes inside. I got, I got you on.

But you, I think, I think, I got you too much. I think, I think I got you too much. Way too much. Mitch got you a standard order. Yeah. But there's also something that people don't know is that there's an item on the menu that's not even on the menu, but you can order it. Wait, what?

Did you know that? No, what is this? The Enchirrito. Oh, okay. Oh, the Enchirrito. I didn't know they were still making that. Yeah, they don't, it's not on the menu, but if you look at them go, make me an Enchirrito, they'll fucking make you one.

It's a thing. Right. I'll tell you right now, it's like a hidden thing. And if you don't know what an Enchirrito is, it's kind of like an Enchilada, but not. Well, when we talked about your confidence, I feel like if Nick and I were like, make us an Enchirrito, they'd be like, fuck off. But it's basically the bean burrito, but they put it in a black, you know, like plastic plate and they pour red sauce on it and cheese, they melted a bit.

And that's pretty much what an Enchirrito. I don't think I've ever had an Enchirrito. It's really fucking good, dude. I want to. They used to put olives on it. It was so good. That, well, it's so funny to me Taco Bell, as far as like olives or any, cause today I had a, what's it called?

The quesa, what's the, what is it? Shit. The quesarito? Quesarito. Thank you. I got the quesarito, which is the quesadilla burrito, basically. And I added jalapenos to, I took some from someone's advice online. I added jalapenos and I added avocado ranch to the, to the quesarito.

And eating it, it was great. It was, it was, it was much better, but it was this funny thing where I was like, oh yeah, I'm not used to having like, besides the shredded lettuce, I'm not used to really having any sort of vegetable in my Taco Bell. Like just having the jalapenos was a straight sensation. So I kind of, I've never had the, I never had, what is it called again? The Enchirrito. Enchirrito.

I never had it before, but I want to try it. I just thought of something just now, man. I just thought of something right now, dude. It's like this. There, people go to Mexican restaurants because of really one element that Taco Bell doesn't use at all. And yet they're still successful. What is that element?

It's an item. Hmm. Are you talking about chips? No. Close though. Salsa? No, they have salsa. Guacamole?

Yes. Oh, did they have guacamole? I think you can, I think they might, but it's not really a thing that's present in their menu much. Like you don't see a lot of avocado and guacamole. I never get guacamole on. I don't think there's guacamole. I don't know, I honestly, I want to Google it.

Is there guacamole? There's got to be, there's got to be something where they've had like, because they've had like their fresh salsa bowls, but... But it's not like, you know, if you go to like, um... This will fuck with my head if there's no guacamole. I feel like I'll go crazy. It's certainly, if they do have it, it's certainly not a core thing you think about with Taco Bell.

There's Taco Bell, I'm going to Google it. Does Taco Bell have guacamole? Have guacamole. I'm trying to think of specifics because I'm like, of course I've had it there and now I can't think of any specifics. Yeah, typically the dollop you get is sour cream, not guac. Yeah, yeah. Wait, is it on the, is it on the notch?

It's not on the nachos grande, huh? Chips and guacamole sides, Taco Bell. There's no way. I think there is. It makes me, it's on their website. There is, but I think your point still stands that it's not like... Yeah, it's not, people like, literally I'll go to a Mexican restaurant strictly for the guacamole.

Yeah. They have great guacamole, you know? Well, it's funny because we, well, we were saying this today that when they try to have kind of like their healthier Taco Bell, remember the cantina menu or whatever, right? It didn't really work out for them. I felt like a thing where they, people just, that's not why they go to Taco Bell. They were fighting Chipotle for a time.

It was the wrong battle to fight. Yeah. I just got an audition for something that I'm not even gonna, you can't believe it. You know what it is? Look at it, read it. Audition for what? Okay. I hope it's a Taco Bell commercial.

Wow, that's really big. Wait, can I read it? Yeah, I'm not gonna do it. You're not gonna do it? It's too much, it's too much. Wait, what do you mean? I'm not gonna get it, I'm not gonna get it. There's no way I'm gonna get it.

Don't read it out loud, though. I won't read, hold on. Wait, this is up there. Oh my God. Bobby, take some beta blockers and get in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I never get those. It's very...

I never get those. I won't say anything about it, Capoe. Can we say that it's very funny that this came up? I don't know, you can't talk about it. It's very funny that it came up, though. We won't go further than that. How the world works. Fucking crazy.

And we talked about God earlier, I didn't mention... See, I believe in that. I know, let me say something right now. Is I do believe in God. I don't believe in the Christian God. I believe that, you know, I just... I believe that everyone has a right to choose and I think that homosexuals is not abhorrent

or they're not abominations or human beings. And I believe in all that. I'm more New Age-y God, but I do believe that everything happens for a reason or there's some sort of cosmic thing going on that I can't explain and there's a connection between all of us. And so I think that's an example of how fun...

We won't say what the audition is, but Nick, you and I... At one point, I told you to take a job when you didn't want to and I think the fans of the podcast should also say, do the audition, Bobby, right? Yeah, take the job, Bobby. I'm gonna go in. Are you on your fucking mind?

Of course I'm gonna go in. Yeah, I don't want to do these podcasts forever. Right. Speaking of... I want to move on. Everything happens for a reason. You coming on this shitty podcast, which was a huge waste of your time.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Maybe it led to something greater. You should be studying those sites. It's not till Thursday. It's not till Thursday. I gotta say this. If God exists, I think he's a big fan of Taco Bell. I think that he would enjoy...

Why? Because... That's crazy. He wouldn't be. I'll argue. Go ahead. Because it's creative and it's different and it's fun and it's good food

and it's different from Mexican food. Yes, oh no, Bobby, we talk about this on... God doesn't want to kill you. We've talked about this on... See, but in heaven, Taco Bell doesn't kill you. It makes you... You get mussels. Yeah.

Are you talking about the good ones? Yeah, in the good place. Okay. You get mussels from eating Taco. It makes you healthier. I know on Earth... I mean, I'm going to just say this right now, right? The kind of animals that we kill,

these mass, you know what I mean? The factories that we slaughter, like... That's the meat we're eating. Yeah. We're eating the lowest grade meat, the worst conditions these animals live in, and we're going to hell for that. Right.

We feel very bad about... We talk about this on the podcast. We feel bad about all of this. The quality of food is just at the bottom. Yeah. Okay, and it really is... It's Trumpish. Taco Bell and McDonald's are all along the lines

of what Trump wants America to be. Right. And for us to even talk about it is not good. To some degree, we are... That's what we've talked about before, is like, to some degree... No, Bobby's wrong. We're facilitating this.

It really is. It's fucking shut down the fucking podcast. It's like corporations, we're like... There's nothing good to come of it. It's this nakedly capitalist enterprise that, you know, the labor conditions in a lot of these restaurants, in terms of human capital, are very poor.

Yeah. And that's certainly the conditions for... In terms of animal welfare and the massive agricultural industry. What are we doing? It's pretty bad. Yeah, I know. I think we're doing a lot of harm

in terms of just both what we're encouraging people to eat and also sort of the industry that we're elevating. But I'm going to go back to a point Bobby made. What? It's home. It has that home feel to it. I know, but still. I know, but you know what?

There are some... Can I say this? Because I know you're... I'm sorry, this is your podcast. No, please, I get... I need to interrupt you for a second. Please do. So what I'm saying is that your podcast

doesn't have to have this hook to it. I think it kind of does. I know, because could I tell you why? Yeah, please do. Because in the first hour, we didn't talk about it at all. We talked about stuff that was to me interesting and it made me feel like I was connecting with you guys. And you know, it was real.

You know, we talked about your dad. We talked about me being molested and stuff like that. That's true. And it's like, it doesn't always have to be ha ha ha funny. Right? So what I'm saying is that you can keep your little hook, but I think that in the long run, it's just better that the podcast is just about you two.

Oh, God. Because like my podcast, Tiger Belly, with me and my girlfriend, if there's no hook, we just talk about our relationship and about current events and about our lives and our experiences and stuff like that. I think people are just interested in that. Here's, you know what? We do do that a lot on the podcast and I agree with you,

but I'll say food is a thing that brings Nick in the eye to get. I love it and I also see it as an addiction in a lot of ways. There's a bit of a downfall on it and I've had my low points that are laying on the couch a full weekend and being like, I ate terribly. It happens all the time. And I'm like, and I think for us, a lot of it is therapeutic to kind of talk about it and get it out there.

It has been tough and we've talked about this. I don't know what we're going to do, but we've talked about how we eat these meals every week and it is hard to do and if there's something that we can change, whether it's tasting it or doing whatever. I really do. I'm being real. I'm not being funny about it.

I think that if you guys weren't like adding information or making me interested, I'm like, yeah, just talk about fucking Taco Bell. Yeah, yeah. Right? But we didn't even talk about it. Until the end. And so I would rather do what we did.

It's just more interesting to me as a guest. This is getting Nick uncomfortable because this is the age old question with this. I'm telling you, what you think, you guys think, oh yeah, that's what people listen. People listen because of the, they don't. You could be right. I mean, I'm 100% correct.

I believe you. I trust you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that the hook maybe gets people interested in the podcast and maybe ultimately what they latch onto is. To quote Blue Stravler, the hook brings you back. Exactly. But I mean, also too, like we do, I think what Mitch's point was,

food in a way is kind of the basis of our friendship, if you want to call it, that our relationship are often conflicted, you know. Whatever you want to call it. But like when, you know, when like we text each other, that's a lot of times what we're talking about, even outside of the podcast, even before the podcast was existing,

you remember hanging out, like we were having discussions about food. That's true. And that's just as much as we talk about Star Wars and video games, it's like one of those things that's just a common topic for us. I mean, okay, it could be an element. I'm sorry, I'm not a producer, so fuck it. Forget what I'm saying.

This is great feedback. Do it. I mean, but what I'm saying is like, I just think that you could, it just doesn't need to happen. You could be an element. Right. But it's like, it's ridiculous.

And it makes me angry. No, it really makes me angry and ridiculous. I'm just like, you guys are blind to it all. You know, you're not even listening, right? It's like, no, I look at your shirt now. And with the Doughboy shirt and with the little hamburger and the thing, and you think that that's the reason why people are listening. I don't know what people are saying.

They talk about hamburgers. No, they talk about, you're a smart guy. You really are. I listened to you right now, dude. You're like fucking bright as fuck. Bobby, yeah, he's, I don't, I can't see Nick cry and malfunction in front of me. You know, like the Simpsons.

You guys play video games? Yeah. Oh, yeah. What do you play? All right, now I'm playing Resident Evil 7 and Final Fantasy 15. I hate that Final Fantasy. Wait, really? What the fuck?

What? The new one? First of all, the new one. Is that the new one? Yes, it's the new one. First of all, I want, first of all, I don't want to play those good-looking guys. Okay.

Yeah, but then there's that thing where I had to go on the roof or like, no, if you got to go, you know, there's like a little, and then you go on top of a building or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck that. What? Why?

I hate it, right? And then it's like, I like games, like Bethesda games, where it's like. Whether to choose your own adventure games? No, you're talking things like a Skyrim. Skyrim. Skyrim. Oh, okay. All right.

You get to create your own character. I'm sorry, yeah. You can wear whatever you want to wear. You can build a house. You can marry somebody. And then you also have a great adventure. I don't like linear games, right? Really?

And fallouts like that too. Fallout, they're fucking genius games. I played some of Fallout 4, but I like Resident Evil. The new Resident Evil I'm like so far. That's fine, because the zombie elements to it, I did. I'll tell you a thing about Wiger and I, and other things that brings us together, and maybe if we change the podcast, this is what we'll be about. What?

We're both big Mario guys. Yeah, we do like the Mario games. We like Mario games. In the open-ended sense. He looks disappointed. You don't like Mario? What do you have against Mario? Is it the fact that we're adults and we're in our third,

the current nigh or in our mid-thirties? Oh, he's leaving. I really can't read you right now. What? What can you read? I can't read your reaction. I'm ignoring. Oh, you're ignoring?

The one I heard, I ignored it, so I'm just going to move on. Mario! I have my own editing system. Right. But I just edited that whole part out. Here's what I'll say real quick, just on the open-ended game front. I've been playing this game Stardew Valley, which is kind of akin to a Harvest Moon.

It's this very open-ended game where you have a farm and you go mining and you meet all these people in a town. And I've been playing the Stardew Valley and I've been fishing a lot and then harvesting crops. What console is it, PC? It's on PC, but it's also on PlayStation 4. But there's a point in it where there's a dance and your character, my little character who's named Nick,

who I named after myself. Oh my fucking god. You go to the dance and I one by one asked every girl in the town to dance with me and everyone said no. So yeah, games aren't always escapism. Sometimes they're a reflection of your reality. You don't have a girlfriend? I have a wife.

We've been married five years. Going on six. She'd probably reject you at the dance, too, I'm sure. Yeah. What do you have? You got somebody? No. You've been single?

Yeah, I got two cats. I have three cats. You know that, right? Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're cat people. Next time I'm on here, we'll talk about our animals. For sure.

Wally and Irma, I love them. Bobby, will you indulge one part of our food podcast? I'm here as long as you want. Uh, here's what we do at the end of our discussion of the restaurant. You not wave your finger at me like that? It's fucking weird. Sorry. I'll try to gesture your less.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No wonder why no one's fucking accepting his dances. He's waving his finger at them. Will you dance with me, please? I've discussed this in the podcast before. I have trouble emoting for my face, so I sometimes use my hand more to try to communicate things, but I guess it also confuses me.

I get it. I'll try to hold my hand still. We have a, so at the end of this segment, we discuss our thoughts on the restaurant, sort of give our closing argument, if you will, and then give it a restaurant on the order of one to five forks. So if you want to just sort of say your collected thoughts on Taco Bell and then rate it however you like.

And you can say what you had to. What you had to eat. I didn't know what. You had a beat in cheeseburgers. All right, so I'll take it out. Yeah. What you're saying to me, right? You got me two bean burritos and a double taco supreme.

Yeah, two taco supreme. Two taco supreme. I already ate them. Yeah. So giving me, I'm going to give you one through four forks. One through five forks. Five forks. One through five forks.

Three. Three forks. You said you love Taco Bell. I thought you loved Taco Bell. I'm surprised. Yeah, but you don't, the element of not having it fresh. Oh, okay. Oh, fucking, hey.

You understand that Taco Bell has a window or it explodes. You can't have a fucking burrito supreme, right? Sit around for 30 minutes. It'll fucking just, it'll implode. Right. Because the juices melt into the tortilla and it creates chaos. Yeah, what's wrong? This backfire on Mitch.

When you said you loved Taco Bell. I love it. I thought that it was going to be five forks. I understand that. But after the six is falling apart. What it's doing to our American society and making people fat and stuff. That affects it too, fuck. God damn it.

Mitch is crying. Who gives a shit? You know what? Let go of this whole fucking thing, man. I already fucking told you to let go of the fucking fast food thing. That's my crying. You feel better? Five forks.

Yeah, wait, really? Come on, I'm just going to take you. I'll take the five forks. Go for it. All right, go ahead, Mitch. For me, it's obvious. Look, this is what I got. I got cheesy gordita crunch.

And I told Nick, it's one of my favorite items at a fast food place. And today might have been one of the best cheesy gordita crunches I've ever had. They did it so well. It was fucking delicious. I got, and then I got, I got the naked chicken chalupa. It was fucking great. It was really, really good. Another all-star addition to Taco Bell.

I don't know how long it's going to stick around because it seems, I'll say this, it was very hot to hold when we were eating. We ate it fresh, right? And it was pretty hot to hold. And Nick, you and I talked about this. There's no low carb thing with it where you're like, oh, I'm getting less carbs because it's battered and it's fried. And so there's no real plus side to it.

But it was good and it worked for whatever reason. I was pretty surprised by that. And then I also had the quesarito. I added jalapenos. I added avocado ranch. I liked it a lot. It was a lot. It had a different feel than it normally does.

I really enjoyed it. And a blue raspberry airhead slushy drink. That was, that was, that was on, what's it called? It's a new, it's a little featured menu item. It's new. It's, it's, I think just exclusive, exclusive, limited time only. It was, it was everything I had was really, really great. You know that I'm giving it five forks no matter what.

I had a second chicken, naked chicken chalupa when I bought Bobby his food and it was fucking delicious. Taco Bell, it's just something. Look, I agree with you. None of this stuff is good for us. Nick and I are, are. But there's a pipeline that's going through the middle of America, poisoning animals and destroying, you know, the land.

And you're talking about that. We, hey, we know. There's a higher calling here, bud. For sure. You know, so fuck you. We're going to be woke boys instead of go boys. We've talked about it before. Yeah, woke boys is good.

Woke boys. Yeah. With Nick Weiger and Mike Mitchell. Nick, you'll probably talk for a good hour and 25 minutes of that and I'll have no idea what's going on. I gotta go guys. I gotta go to a pet food store before it closes. Is that true?

Yeah. All right. Hold on. Let me get, let me get, I'll give my wrap up super quick and then we'll get you out of here. I get the $5 naked chicken chalupa box. Naked chicken chalupa is fucking great. It's so fucking good.

It's delicious. Nacho cheese, Doritos, Locos taco, crunchy taco. You guys know the drill with that. I got myself a medium. Slow down, I'm here forever. Medium mountain dew kickstart energizing orange citrus drink which I have not had before. I could not tell it from a sun kiss.

To be blindfolded me and gave me a sun kiss. Oh wow. It's exactly the same to me. I mean, I don't have a lot of orange drinks but it was very much in that season. Their taste buds are fucking off. Very much in that orange drink sort of generic drink you would have at a school function sort of world.

There's a Syrian refugee at LAX right now but it's been there for four days. God damn it, Bobby. Hasn't eaten, drinking water. It's completely fucked up. Yeah. Anyway, keep going. My wife and I, we went to the LAX protest.

Nick was at the protest. And then we came home and she was like, you know, my mom's, my wife's mom is an immigrant and she was like so distraught over everything that was happening and she was like so upset. We were like at home having a meal and she was like so upset. Like there are people still there

and like me referring to the refugees who were stuck in the airport. It's fucked up. It's a fucked up, too. It's very, very fucked up. It's horrible. And at the same time, I do wish that they sent you back to whatever your home country was, Nick.

I guess Estonia? I guess it's probably the thing I'm most ethically cured of. Yeah, I guess yeah. Send you back to Estonia. On my grandfather's side, on my dad's side. Yeah, but however, my wife also enjoyed the naked chicken chalupa from Taco Bell. She gives it five forks.

And she's someone who prefers Del Taco to Taco Bell. That's true. Yeah, and your wife does? She does. Oh my god. I prefer Del, I'm a huge Del Taco fan. Also at the Cinnabon Delights, which are fine. They were fine.

They weren't that great. Yeah. Overall, I would give it four forks. Talk about four forks again. However, Natalie, due to her five forks, I am going to average those two out since we are equal partners in life.

And give it four forks two times. So it costs $11 billion to go that wall. You mean four and a half forks? Yeah, four and a half forks. It's a wall equal $11 billion of our tax payers money. Right. It's a horrible way. Hold on a second.

How come you're trying to push all this stuff out right at the end? I think it's great, Bobby. I agree with you. By the way, I agree. You guys hate me. You guys hate me. We don't hate you. You like me or hate me?

This has been great. I'm trying to do the best I can. You're doing great. You've brought some much-needed, fun chaos to our otherwise boring show. It's not boring, man. Wait, what do you... I think our show is normally pretty chaotic to begin with,

but this is an extra bit of an extra wild card element. We love it. Taco Bell needs three reviews, and it probably needs a fourth, because Weiger is inched his way up. He's at four and a half forks. We need to get him to five forks. Right.

I appreciate you changing yours to five. Trump, cut the shit, or Weiger's coming at you. You know, in the spirit of this format-busting episode, I think we can wrap it up there instead of getting to our normal segments. What was it? What was the normal segment? We normally could do this thing where we go,

we taste something, and then we read a little an email. Do you want to do the... Can we do the Weiger challenge? Or do you have time? I mean, here's the thing. Here's the thing, okay? Yeah.

I feel bad now. You shouldn't feel bad. I'll tell you why I feel bad. I fucked up the fucking thing. Not at all. And so, let's go back to this normal routine. Even though, like, you know, we're acting like Stepford wives

and we're like, nothing's happening. But it feels good to you that... I mean, let me say something right now. You guys are fucking bright, talented young guys. All right? We're not young. Yeah, look at me right now, okay? Look at my eyes, okay?

You guys are fucking bright. You're on love. You're a fucking writing for a great show. Wherever we were in the middle. You know, in the show business and that. What the fuck are you doing right now? What the fuck are you doing right now, man? You guys be changing lives right now,

we're all with your words. Right. You know? But anyway, let's do your segment. We'll take a quick break and we'll be right back. We'll grab a hot cigarette. Welcome back to Doe Boys. We're here with Bobby Lee.

It's time for a regular segment. I've got a mystery drink and we're going to guess what it is. It's the Weiger Challenge. Now, this drink comes to us courtesy of Carolina, who we met at our showed SF sketch fest. If you listen to the live episode, she was the person who presented us with a gift. What I've got here is kind of a jigsaw designed puzzle box.

You're referencing jigsaw from Saw. From the Saw movies. Okay. And inside there are these individually wrapped cans that say the Weiger Challenge mystery beverage. So here's the thing. This was meant to be a fully blind challenge. But the thing is we just want to make sure

this is non-alcoholic. No, you drink it first. You want me to drink it first? Yeah. But are you sure that Bobby's is different from yours? I don't know if they're all different than fuck. I don't fucking know. So you look at his.

You know what? I'll risk it. All right. Okay. No, that's not. I'm not going to do that. We're fucking risking it. I'm not going to fucking...

Bobby. Or I'm going to leave. Jesus Christ. We're going to risk it or I'm going to leave. All right. We're going to risk it. There's an alcohol in here, dude. And I relapsed on this show.

Oh my fucking god. Fourteen years of sobriety. There's going to be such de-consequences, but this is you fucked up, did you not? No, I did fuck up. I don't... That's why I don't want it to happen. Should I drink it now?

Here's what I would say. No, we'll drink it first. You... We'll drink it first. Then we'll tell you. All right. We don't want you to relapse on this show. It's not worth it.

Are you supposed to open it like that? Here's what I'm going to... We're going to take a sip. We're going to take a sip. We got these when we were at San Francisco when we did the San Francisco sketch fest. And here we go. These cans are wrapped and so it's impossible to see what's inside.

It doesn't smell like alcohol. I'll say that much. Hmm. It doesn't... Yeah, it doesn't taste alcoholic, but I'm going to make sure. Okay, I'm going to drink it then. It does not taste alcoholic.

Okay, okay. So what are we supposed to do with these? Tell you what it is? Yeah, you kind of... You try to guess what it is. You try to guess what it is, and whoever comes closest gets to keep the cans. I'm pretty sure this is non-alcoholic.

God, I hope not. Bobby, what do you think? No. Phew. I've never tasted that before in my life. Yeah, it's really hard to place. I think this tastes almost like a watermelon-y or like a...

Yeah. Cran, like a ginger ale, almost like a... Shit. Oh, shit. Yeah, you're saying ginger ale makes me think of it. It almost tastes like a raspberry... It almost tastes like a raspberry lime rickie. A little bit like a raspberry lime rickie,

even though it's not. Is it a raspberry sasperilla? Well, that's a good guess. Do you get like a... I get a weird watermelon aftertaste. Yeah, it's something vaguely in the melon category. Yeah, it's a sasperilla. No?

It could be. Yeah, it's like sweet, but not overly sweet. It's like, you know, it's got a little bit of strawberry, too, though. I think it could be in the strawberry world. Ooh, it might be strawberry. All right, I'm gonna take a guess. I'm usually the mastermind of the Weiger Challenge. This time, the tables have been turned.

Hold on a second. You just always know what it is. I always know what it is, because I pick it out. They hear it. This time, Carolina has picked something out. I kind of like it. Yeah, I kind of like it, too. I love it. It's good. It's very drinkable.

I love it. I'm going to guess that it is a strawberry lime cooler. Blackberry sasperilla. Strawberry watermelon soda. Okay, let's remove the labels. We will find out. Very cool system. Jigsaw would be impressed.

Yeah, this is really impressive. We're wrong. Are we all wrong? Yeah, I'm the... Oh my god. Oh my god, it's straight moonshine. I've never heard of it before. Guarana antarctica, the Brazilian original.

You scared the shit out of me. Oh, a Brazilian... Wow. This is a Brazilian drink made in Brazil for export only. It is... I'm going to butcher the Portuguese. Guarana antarctica. Oh, I'm sorry.

There's no accent over the end. Guarana antarctica. It is a official sponsor of Brazilian soccer, it looks like, and the ingredients listed. Carbonated water, sugar, citric acid, natural flavors, preservatives, Guarana extract, caramel color, gluten free. Do you guys know what Guarana is? No.

No. It's not guano, is it? No. No. That'd be fucking disgusting. I'm going to see if I can look up what Guarana is. The slogan for this is weird. Guaranteed to give you zika.

There's the comedy. There it is, huh? Okay, Guarana is a plant in the maple family, native to the Amazon basin and especially common in Brazil. They kind of look like black eyed peas, but with some red elements. If you look at it, take a look at that, Mitch. They kind of look like eyeballs.

Oh, let me see it, let me see it. What the fuck? Bobby, can you see that? Yeah. Wow. And what I thought were cherries on there on the can are actually those weird things. They look like some sort of Zelda enemy.

They're very, very strange. Yeah. But you know what? I'm going to say this looks close enough to a berry for me to say Bobby Lee, you have won the Weiger Challenge. No, there's no way. No, I think you won it. I don't want it.

I think you won it. I think you won it. I think you won it. I don't want to win it. I think you won it. Thank you. I'll take it because it's a really good beverage. It's pretty good.

You know what else I like about it? It's different and it's like I can, you know, I'm going to drink it. Yeah, good on you, Carolina. Very, very good. You can probably have another one if you want to take it for the road. I thought you said I get the whole thing.

Yeah, take the whole thing. Oh, yeah, you get the whole thing. Not when you said that I won it so I get the whole thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's what happens. You want to pour it a couple of them for yourself? I want to say this. We usually have a ranking too.

Yeah. A drink or stank ranking. Oh, right. And I'm going to give this a drink as well. Very much in the drink category. Wow. Good on you, Carolina. Because it's light.

It's also light. It doesn't seem like heavy like some sodas. Right. Like sugary. Nope. It's very light and it's an enjoyable beverage. That's the difference. I liked it.

When you get something flavored with that sugar, that cane sugar versus that high fructose corn syrup, it has like a little bit of a smoother, it goes down a little smoother. And now maybe it will get popular in the States and will tear down all the, well, will mass produce it and destroy all the crops. You guys know much about soccer or no?

Very little. No. I watch World Cup every four years. I used to play when I was younger. I'm immersed in it. Are you really? Yeah. Do you have a favorite club?

Yeah, yeah, Arsenal, FC. Oh boy, cool. Yeah, I'm immersed in it. No, I got this question for you. Don't you have to like watch it at weird time? Like it's on at weird times, right? Yeah. Tomorrow we play at 1.30, but usually on the mornings,

I don't sleep. Oh, shit. So like we'll play Saturday morning at five in the morning LA time and I'll stay up to watch it. That's it. That reminds me of Red Sox preseason when they were in like Japan or something. Yeah.

And I look at the weird hours. Before the podcast ends, I just want to say go Patriots. I hope they win the Super Bowl on Sunday. Yeah. I mean, we do usually have a question. But we can fucking skip it. Oh, fuck it. Let's skip it.

No, no, ask the question, goddammit. I like this question. It's a good question. Today's email comes to us from Gustavo Cuiar. Gustavo writes, I hope I said your name correct. Gustavo. I'm curious if you guys have any, changed your minds about any food.

For example, I'm from Mexico, but moved to Poland a few years back and have had to adjust to eating pickles much more often, which I would avoid at all costs back home. But now I've grown to love them. Ever done a 180 on any food items. Bobby, anything you've completely flipped around on? Yeah, I have. Let me think for a second.

Bone marrow. Oh, wow. Yeah, I just, I had bone marrow a long, long time ago. I hated it. But my girlfriend likes it. So I had it at a restaurant. It's pretty good. Bobby, you know, before we knew each other through love,

I saw you at Silver Lake Ramen. Oh, I love that place. Having a meal with maybe your girlfriend. Yeah, it was my girlfriend. Yeah, I love that place. Yeah. You like that place? I love it.

It's great. Especially on the weekends, I would love to even talk about cool restaurants in LA because there's a lot. Oh, yeah. What is your favorite ramen in LA? It's not that. Like, I go to, I think that's probably number one or two

because of the, it's closer to my house. Sure. Do you have, have you tried Daikokuya downtown? Oh, I love it. Yeah. Daikoku is great. But one time I had massive stomach problems from there. So I kind of drifted away.

I get it. But there's Satel in like the other little Tokyo that's more on the west side. Yeah. There's a couple. I just forget their names, but they're pretty good. We actually, we were, we, what was the, what was the place that we did with Sonneker?

Fuck, I can't remember the name of it right now. Yeah. Place is great. It's great. I'm a fond man over ramen, but I like ramen. Well, you're a fond man? Yeah. Why?

I think I've had it more. Yeah. I like, I like to eat far more regularly because it just, ramen can just be too heavy. It is a little heavy. Yeah. I mean, I have a, I have a personal detail, but I'm afraid, like my wife is half Vietnamese.

I'm not saying that just to be like, I have a connection to Asian people, but I'm just saying that's the reason I've had more fun. He did what you made fun of earlier on. I wasn't trying to do the thing you were making fun of earlier. I was trying to hold that back. I have a thing. But Bobby, don't forget.

I just want to say this. Yes. Mm-hmm. Oh God. You know what? I'm going to keep my opinions to myself. No, I want to hear it. You've been very candid.

Are you going to say like you just don't like us? No, I'm not going to say that, but she's half Vietnamese? Yes. And that's okay. That's okay. Right. It's like dating Keanu Reeves. It's like Asian, I don't know.

But you know, I've had a thing about expats and like, you know, white dudes, dating Asian chicks. Right. Because I don't believe that the exchange program is fair. For every Asian girl that white dudes take, they don't give us a white girl in return. So then we end up, I'm cool because, you know, I'm a comic and I've been on television.

So I have that upper hand. But I'm speaking more so for the average Asian guy. When we're upset like, you know, Kinkos, who hasn't been laid in five years, it's because of that exchange program that somehow we developed with white guys, when there's no contracts. But you know, the exchange program is a little skewed, don't you think? I think probably if you look at the statistics there,

in terms of that particular interracial pairing, you're more likely to see a white man with an Asian woman than vice versa. And I think that is... I think it's one out of every hundred. Hey, am I the exception? I should work at Kinkos and I haven't fucked in five years. Yeah, but it's a weird thing.

Right. Right? Do you get what I'm saying? I completely understand your point and I completely understand what you're saying. Can I ask you a question? Please do. And I really like you.

There's no feeling behind what I'm asking you. Right. But before your wife, did you date other Asian girls? Not exclusively. No, but did you? Yes. How many? I would say two.

Good. Yeah. You've had more than one girlfriend ever? Over time, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not on earth. You have a hard time getting girls? I don't...

I've never done well with girls. I've probably only had like three girlfriends, four girlfriends. When's the last time you got laid? I will not say that on this podcast. I don't know, not for a while. I thought we were real. Oh, God. Let's be real.

Not for a little bit. A long time. Yeah. Six months. Yeah, probably. Okay, probably six months. Somewhere around there. Huh?

Why? Why did it happen? You're not a closer? I have a lot of self-confidence issues, yeah. Yeah, but can I just... Can I try to uplift you for a second? Mm-hmm. You...

You're... You work with Jenna Abbottel on a show. You have your own podcast. You know, you... You do live shows. Yeah. You're a nice guy. Yeah.

You should be knee-deep in it. I never... I've never... I don't know. I've never... I've never done... I've never done great. You have some confidence issues.

I have some confidence issues. What is it though? I don't know. I've never... I've always thought I was a piece of shit. No, but what it is is that you... You just have to... How old are you?

I'm 34. Okay. Yeah. It's time. Yeah. Enough of this bullshit. Yeah. Let me ask you this.

I met my girlfriend on Tinder. Yeah. Are you on Tinder? I am. I am on... I'm on Tinder and Bumble. I mean, I... Yes, I...

Do you match up with anybody ever? Um... I have, yes. I'm talking. You know what I mean? I'm talking to someone. Yeah, but here's what you have to do though. Mm-hmm.

Can I just say something? Can I just teach you? Yeah. I need to know what your profile picture on Tinder is. It's probably... I probably look much younger and like it's from... It's from Facebook. But I also, I don't...

I don't... Like I put in pictures of me that are current. I don't think that I'm like a young thing. No, but you gotta doctor them up. Like you gotta be like, I'm telling you right now, I'm being real. Do you have any celebrity friends? Who's your closest celebrity friend?

You know what? We're gonna take a picture and I'll put... I'll put that picture in my profile. Take a picture of the three of us, crop me out. And just have the two of you on. I'm telling you right now, like I feel like I've mastered it. Yeah. Yeah, because I went over to Eric Stone Street's house

and helped him get on Tinder. He got off it right away, but we... You know, I think of a philosophy with it. Right. And it's like, dude, you should be like matching up with a lot of girls on Tinder. Yeah. You know what I mean?

You're a little heavy. Yeah. But you got a cute face. Thank you. Hands up, man. Your dick seems proportionally probably average. Are you just guessing that? Have you seen his dick?

No. I believe that you can tell just by looking at a guy. Right. It's proportional to your body. Like for instance... I probably have a picture on my phone I could find. You know, they say like Asians, you know, they go, you know, that stupid stereotype that we have small dick.

It's not that, it's just a lot of us are small and we have small penises for our body frame. Right? Yao Ming doesn't have a small penis. He's a big guy, sure. Yeah, he's probably got a big penis. Yeah, compared to mine, yeah. Right?

So one of my point is that I can tell by your body and you probably have a nice one. It's fine. Yeah, yeah. But you're like, you're not fat though. You're more like, you're like grisly, girthy. You're wearing well. You wear really good, yeah.

You should... Bobby, we need to hang out a little bit more. I need some confidence boosters for me. No, it's really sad where you're at. Why? I've never been more disappointed in somebody. Why? What are you saying?

What I'm saying to you is that it's like Wolverine using his fucking claws. Well, you know what? There's always a chance for Wolverine to use his claws in the next X-Men and there's still a chance for me to to go out on the dating world, right? But he has to realize he has claws. Yeah.

If you watched a whole X-Men and Wolverine didn't use his claws once, it'd be pretty lame. Even before that he was like with adamantium steel infused with it, he still used the bone thing. Yeah, he's still the healing factor. Yeah, he's still the bone, you know, claws. You know what I mean? He still used it.

You don't even know you have the bone claws. I'll get it go out. It's the window's not... I'm not an old man. I'll go out. I'll do it. No, you're saying it. I'll do it.

No, you're... No, we need a time frame. All right. Mitch, by the next episode record, you better have fucked. And I want details. Yeah, me too. Jesus. In fact, you know what?

Here's the deal. I'm not even fucking lying. You made me so upset right now. You made me so upset right now that I swear to fucking God. I swear to... I believe in God. I will not talk to you again until you get laid. Oh, my God.

I can't. I can't even hang out with you. Oh, my God. All right. So if I see you on love, on set, or on a table read, I'll look at you. And I want you to do a symbol to me from across the thing. Let's make it up now. Do this.

Yeah. Okay, you guys... You're going to look at me like this, right? And you put your two fingers above your head. All right. Onto my eyebrow. And then that's going to mean, right, that you got laid. Okay.

Right? Yeah. But if you look at me and you have like a blush and you kind of look at me like the way you look, right, I'm going to be like, now we're done. Oh, my God. Well, that's the only way shit gets done. Oh, God damn it. You're a deadline guy.

You're on board with this, Weiger? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Because the thing is, is that it's unless... Are you like Morrissey? No. You're asexual? No, no, no.

Do you masturbate? Yeah. Every day? No. Do you do it? I'm sorry. Am I crossing the fucking line? Not at all.

I really think this is important. Yeah, we've talked about this. I'm so sorry. Because this part out, I don't give a fuck. It's fine. It's an intervention. Right. What do you masturbate every day?

Not every day, no. When you masturbate, what do you watch? Is it fantasies in your head or do you watch pornography? You fantasies are... Yeah, I do fantasies a lot. You don't watch any porn? You're using the imagination? I mean, I look at...

I don't feel comfortable talking about this stuff, and now I feel even more like a prude, even though you know I'm not a prude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm less of a prude maybe than you are. Oh, I'm the biggest prude of all. Well, you don't feel comfortable talking about real shit? I mean, I guess sexual stuff, I was...

But here's the Irish Catholic. That's why, but that is why you're having a problem. Yeah. Because you view sexuality as some, like a forbidden fruit. Yes, for a long time. It's not a forbidden fruit. Yeah, all right. It's just something that we do because we're humans,

right, to procreate and whatnot. You're right. So let's talk about it. Let's get on the fucking table. All right? Hey, I hope you can be covering my eye, bro. No, we're gonna be doing this. Because without this, right, we got nothing.

Okay? You wanna talk to me? No, I won't. I'll treat you like shit, too. Oh, my God. If you guys have a scene together, you'll still do the lines, though, right? Yeah, I mean, I have would have to.

You're a professional. That's the reason like that, but none of like... Like you and I are seeing, right? Let's just make up some dialogue. Hey, man, Gus told me that you could maybe hook me up with... Yeah, I can. Yeah, man, I got a couple of numbers cut, and then I walk away. Wow.

You son of a... Yeah. That's fucked up. I walk away. We need you back on your marks. Action. Say it again. Hey, Gus told me that you could hook me up with some stuff.

Yeah, I could have done that. Okay. And then again. That's fucked up. Wow. You're fucked up. I'd say, Bobby, stand here and please talk to me. No, I really won't.

This is motivation for you. Because the whole fucking reason... The whole fucking reason you do it is to do that. You think that if I was working at like, you know, Home Depot, electrical department, I would be unfuckable, but the reason why I fucking... I'm sorry for swearing, but the reason why I even chose to do stand up is so that I have a chance to procreate.

No, there's a chance if I worked at Home Depot, I probably would have never had sex in my life, I'm sure. That's what I'm saying. It's like what I'm saying... But then I'm also sure there's guys at Home Depot who fucking rack it up. I feel like if you worked at Home Depot, you would have killed yourself with a circular saw by now. Also, I think that I would probably maybe like working at Home Depot

than the line of work I've chosen. Yeah, I'd like just like a square job like that. You know what ends I fantasize about? You know what it is? Is that you have to start thinking like an alpha male. Oh, God. No, you know what you are? And I'm going to be real now, dude.

A beta male? No, you're a gatherer. Right, in the village, we're Indians, you're making fucking moccasins and baskets. And what we need you to do is get a fucking arrow, get on the horse with the tribe, and let's kill some fucking game. All right.

All right, stop making fucking baskets, bro. That's what the ladies are doing, okay? I'm not sexist, I voted for Hillary. That's not what I'm saying, okay? What I'm saying to you is, is that you're making me really sad right now. Oh, my God. No, you're hanging out with Paul Ross, Gillian Jacobs, you meet David Spades on the show, Andy Dick.

These are not, these are, you're in the A game, friend. You're a successful man, people watch your show. And you're behaving like you're not. I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish you were around about a dozen years ago, it would have been good for me. Oh, you and I, but that's why like, you ever had a prostitute? No. I mean, I can't even, I mean, I'm talking to,

this is two different worlds we're fucking talking on. Bobby, the next time I see you, I will have fucked. It's gonna be this. Yep, here's the deal, if it comes down to the wire and I get to shoot love with you like the next day, I'm gonna fuck Weiger. There we go. That's what I like to hear.

Also, by the way, my answer is raw sushi or raw fish going back to the question. I like, I started to eat sushi as time went on and sugarfish is great. Oh, it's great. Yeah. But that was, that was one that I, that I didn't like when I was younger. You know what's great? Hama. Hama?

No, I've never been. Where's Hama at? Little Tokyo. Oh, all right. It's a little hole in the wall. There's three guys that work there. And they don't do anything but sushi. A lot of times they'll just make something for you.

And it is very good. We gotta have, we gotta have you back on to talk with us. You and I have to, we all have to do this. Go to a cool restaurant? Not even that. Well, what we have to do is start from the beginning. Not this podcast, but in terms of our relationship. And I feel like I'm sent into your life, not you so much,

but to you, to help you because you're a lost person. Oh my God. Okay. And I really need you to guide you back into the light. And I'm willing to do that for you. But you really broken my, shattered my heart. I didn't mean to. I know you didn't mean to.

You're getting naked hard. Unintentional. And maybe I'm being too harsh right now. But I don't think so. You're 34. No. Get your shit together. This is what Mitch needs to hear.

Fuck you, Weiger. What the fuck? Fuck you, Weiger. Now listen. I can't believe you had more than one girlfriend on my mind. Yeah, yeah. But you and I, we will have to start from the beginning. Okay.

And I'm going to rebuild you. Okay. I'm in. Yeah. Hey, it's a rebuilding year for me. Nick knows it. And if you out there want to cheer Mitch along in his fuck quest, use the hashtag rebuilding year.

Oh God, no. If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at dobuyspodcast at gmail.com. You've got our bitros for the top of the show. roastspooman at gmail.com. Check out our Facebook page, Do Boys, follow us on Twitter at Do Boys Pod. And you have a free second.

Rate and review us on iTunes. Bobby Lee, thank you so much for joining us. Bobby Lee, you're the best. Thank you for being here. So much fun. Do you have anything? Do you have anything you want to plug, Bobby? Well, we were on loves.

And then I listened to my podcast, Tiger Belly. It's me and my girlfriend. We're on all things comedy. I know it's against this company. No, it's totally fine. But it's fine. There's cool with it. And then that's pretty much it, man.

I have nothing else. I want to plug the Patriots. Go Pats. Go Patriots. Win the Super Bowl. Yeah. And you know what? I mean, fuck it.

Bobby is walking out. It's completely fair. Sorry, sir. I'll fuck for you, sir. That'll do it for this episode of Do Boys. Until next time. For the Spoonman, Mike Mitchell. I'm Nick Weigher.

Happy eating. See ya. you