Doughboys - Taco Bell with Jack Allison

Episode Date: May 26, 2015

The Doughboys discuss the cultural significance of Taco Bell as well as review its breakfast menu.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Louisville, Kentucky, the home of the Louisville Slugger, the setting for the Kentucky Derby, and the corporate headquarters of Yum Brands, the conglomerate that's a titan of the fast food world. Yum Brands is a trio of flagship franchises, KFC, Pizza Hut, and this pseudo Mexican brand which currently boasts 6,500 locations. Named for its founder, Glen Bell, this chain seems to pride itself on a menu that's as low in price as it is in nutritional value. This week on Doughboys, nosotros queremos Taco Bell. Welcome to Doughboys, I'm Nick Weiger alongside my co-host, Mike Mitchell. Mitch? Mm-hmm.

How was the eating this week? How you doing? How was the eating? Oh, the eating was great, Nick. It's a food-based podcast, so if you're going to make some food-based small-bought. I'm still shocked, well, because I mean, I looked a little bit at Taco Bell, but I know that the guy's name was actually Bell. And my research, I have two sources that I've been going to for research so far, Wikipedia, and then the corporate website. And the most astonishing fact is that, yeah, it was this guy

who was a Marine, apparently, retired Marine, and then he's opened all these restaurants. And he noticed a Mexican restaurant across the street from him, from his hamburger stand, was doing better, and so he ripped off their taco recipe, and then started his own place, and he named it after himself Taco Bell. His name is Glen Bell, and he named it Taco Bell. That is how it started? It sounded like he stole the idea for doing it. It said that he eventually cannelly coaxed his way into their kitchen, but it sounded like he just stole their idea. Well, I don't know. He was a World War II veteran, I assume he was a good man.

There's a ton of World War II veterans who pieces of shit. I mean, that's true. There's Nazi World War II veterans, correct? I don't think I... I think it's going a little bit far to associating with the third racket. He was really fought for the Allies. At least we assume so. How are you doing? We're doing good, though? I'm doing well, yeah. Good eating this week.

I'm actually about to start a diet in a couple days, so my diet food arrived the other day, and I kind of just saw the end of the good times I've been having. Is this... which diet are you on, can you say? This is like my, like, 50th diet. Okay. Well, I wasn't saying which number, which protein, which specific... Okay, do I want to say this? I kind of don't want to say it, but I will, because no, no, I will. I'll be honest here. I'm on the Jenny Craig diet, famous for Kirstie Alley and other lady celebrities who have lost weight with it.

For me, being forced to eat these small portions every day will help me lose some weight, maybe cut some pounds, you know what I mean? So it's kind of like I'm just putting myself... Well, our guest here today will probably have a lot of opinions on this, because I think he thinks it's not going to work, which he's probably right. But it's just helpful for me to have... I'm a little boy, in a sense, if it's like, eat this, and I'll be like, okay, and I'll eat it, and so if I'm going to do that for a couple months, it can only help, you know? Gotcha. But you're doing this around the same time we're starting this podcast about eating

very unhealthy food. So this is like actively counterproductive. Yeah. No, now the podcast is like another... Yeah, it's a thing where I'm going to be cheating, and then I'll probably be like, well, I ate that yesterday. Who cares? And then I'll just go have this Jenny Craig food frozen in my fridge, and I'll throw it out in like three months. And then that will be the end of the diet. And then also each time you cheat on your diet, you'll lapse into a cartoonish voice, a caricature of your hometown of Quincy, Massachusetts. Let's get to our guest. Yes.

He's a writer for Jimmy Kimmel Live. The very funny Jack Allison is here. Hi, Jack. Hey, guys. How's it going? It's going great. Welcome to the show. Thank you for having me. We won't bury the lead. Jack is Mitch's roommate. I am. You guys are together. You actually did bury it by saying I'm a Jimmy Kimmel Live writer because I'm first and foremost

Mitch's roommate. I self-identified first as Mitch's roommate. And I have a lot to say about what's been said so far. Mitch said he was going to throw away his Jenny Craig after a few months. There's still Jenny Craig in the freezer from the last time he did this diet a year ago. To be fair, there's only about four or five meals, which is just almost, it's two days. There were four or five meals because one time when you went out of town, I ate like three or four of your meals. I didn't want to go out of the house. We did make a joke that when I first did it because I did it a few months ago and I failed miserably. Here's the other thing with Jenny.

Not a few months ago. Was it longer than that? Yeah, it must have been longer than that. Well, the other thing is that they call you and then a Jenny Craig spokesperson was like, how are you doing? And I'm like, I'm good. And they're like, did you eat? Did you enjoy the food this week? I'm like, yeah, I don't want to talk to you at all. And then they're like, why are you on this diet? And I'm like, well, like, and then I'm like getting a personal stuff like my dad passed away a few years ago. I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? I'm like talking to like this Jenny

Craig lady about and I'm like, that's not I'm just on this diet because I'm fat and I need to lose weight. And it's none of your business. Leave me alone. Give me your food. That's kind of how I feel about it. But they can't turn that off. You can't not have them call you. I should do it. But then also because I've done it twice. And the first time I did it, I was semi successful, though Jack said he saw no difference, which is probably true too. But I mean, I'm the little devil on everybody's shoulder. I did I talked to the lady and I was successful. So maybe I should talk to her. Maybe it's kind of therapeutic, I guess. But we were always joking that I'd come home and Jack would be on the floor and a bunch of empty Jenny Craig boxes would be around him.

And he would have eaten like a month's worth of food, which he shouldn't want to it's kind of it's it's okay. It's not the best food. What is it like? What do you get with a Jenny Craig meal? They send you three weeks. Oh my god, this is like embarrassing to me that I have to tell this. Why is it embarrassing though? I think a weight loss is a thing a lot of people try. Yeah, okay. That's fair. Because this sounds like seems like sad weight loss or something. Like I'm like Jenny Craig feels like the end of your rope or something like I'm gonna, like I saw it on TV and I was like, I need to try something or something like that. It just feels sad to me. I feel like I feel like Jenny Craig is like several steps removed from the

like I feel like you're like trying experimental drugs from like a foreign country or like stomach stapling surgery that you know, like once you get like the Al Roker surgery, that's like, okay, that's you really, you know, yeah, like Jenny Craig is something that like plenty of middle aged women do. They give you they send you a box of food that lasts about three weeks and there's some dry ice in there and and there's a lot of frozen stuff. It takes up your entire freezer so Jack can't put anything in the freezer now for a good couple months. And and it goes just by three weeks and then three weeks they send you more food. And and that's just kind of how it goes. Okay, yeah, it's it's it's it's good if there's a lot of people out in LA who do like

food diets, I worked at the Simpsons at one point in my life. And a lot of those writers would do like they'd have meals sent to them and they're like kind of expensive. And this is like cheaper. And it's easy just tossing the microwave. So like what's in it? Let's say a typical dinner box like you know, what would you do with your protein? What are your vegetables? What do you have in front of you? Well, that's another so they like the portions are just really tiny. And then you have to buy like fruit and vegetables and milk and yogurt and stuff still. So like you just kind of like it's like one fruit and then this Jenny the Jenny waffle. And then it's like the inquisiting stuff. It's like it's pretty much like like lasagna. I ate two of the lasagnas

together as a meal. Oh, that's good. The lasagna some of them are actually not as it's just like linguine. It's fine. It's like 300 calories. And it's like vaguely like lasagna. They try to make things fun. There's like cheeseburger sliders in this one. So there's some fun stuff. You order only the cheeseburger sliders. You can custom make your like but it's just too much of a pain in the ass. But I'm excited, you know, these are the things I have to look forward to for the next couple months or some cheeseburger sliders occasionally and stuff like that. So it will be good. I've noticed Mitch, I'm just sitting next to you that for our listeners, I'm just noticing we're wearing basically the exact same shirt just in a different color. We

both got like a plaid like thin striped shirt. It's very true. Yours is yours is like red and mine is like a hot pink. Yes, yours is kind of like the the foofy California version and mine's like the East Coast working man version. Yeah, you're like a garbage collector and Nick's like an agent. So other than other outside the Jenny Craig situation, Jack, like how is have you found living together has impacted how you eat? Has it impacted your diet? Yeah, it's it's like not good, actually. I mean, I don't know. I think that I I have a lot of thoughts about this. Like I don't actually care that much about being like an overweight or sort of like portly person. And I I actually have like some political beliefs about that kind

of and that I think that, you know, there's like a sort of like new puritanism going on with like people being overly healthy and stuff like that. But a lot of that is also just to justify that I like to live like a sort of hedonist lifestyle. And I think it's very easy to like, you know, to convince Mitch to, you know, live that hedonist lifestyle with me. I prefer to have my beliefs vindicated and Mitch is an easy guy to get to vindicate them. It's that sort of thing that's that trade off of like, cool, I like to do a lot of that. Like I like to eat a whole pizza myself. And of course, there's a lot of stuff that line up with us. But I will be the guy probably in our roommate relationship that's like, let's not eat that. It's, it's, and it's like, let's not eat

that thing. It's too bad. Like on occasion. But again, like also, like a lot of the times you'll be like, let's eat something like healthy tonight. And then we order like a huge plate of shawarma. Like I literally like pound and a half like size car like piece of shawarma. That is true. And that's what you think is healthy. You're like, well, let's not like I don't think I don't think that's healthy. But I'm also like, I'm like, well, that's like healthier than like the like the ramen we were about to eat or something like that. That's kind of how they're trying off goes. But Jack is a guy who he likes to do what he wants to do. And I appreciate him for that. He's, he's a, he's a guy who wants it his way like Burger King. I am the Burger King is named

after me. But you know, we enjoy, we enjoy eating pizza and we enjoy some of that stuff together. I mean, like I'm sure you would enjoy it too. Like out of a blast, I'm sure on the, it's, I don't know if it's the best thing for like, maybe it would be better if we motivated each other to like go on a walk or something. But, but it's, it's, it can be a good time eating some stuff. There's a pizza box on our floor right now. I was actually going to say like with regard to the pizza box that I think that the, the, the food eating is not the worst habit we have. It's really like the mess is really the big problem at the house. Like we live in an actual shit pit. Like it's really, it gets very, very bad very, very quickly in that house.

So you've got like a, like a 700 square foot apartment, like a two bedroom maybe. Yeah. One bathroom. Which is one bedroom. One bedroom, no bathroom. And it just, it sounds like it's just filled with garbage. I mean, it really can actually get that way. It can be nice sometimes. Like a, it's a nice place. Like it's in a nice area and it's cool and everything. But like, you know, there are times when there's just like, I'm not joking when there's like fully like six completely stuffed trash bags, like right inside the door. Like it's like living in a dump. This is a new habit we kind of picked up. I don't think that's true. It's, it's, it's not,

it's, it's, it's, I say it's more recent that like we actually leave garbage around, but whatever. It is shitty. It's bad. It's a bad, it's bad. We're, we need to grow up a little bit. We will. Yeah. I think you'll get there. We'll figure it out. Not all of us can be married, Nick and settle down and you guys know I'm always bragging about my wife. So Jack, outside of outside of your roommates, you're from LA, correct? I am. Yeah. I grew up in Sherman Island. So what was like growing up? Like what were the, what were the chain restaurants you liked or your, your favorite fast food places that you frequented? Well, you know, um, I mean, yeah, I guess as an LA native, I like have to say In-N-Out Burger.

It was, In-N-Out Burger is very good, but if I'm actually being fully honest, I think I preferred Jack in the box when I was growing up. It's fitting for your name. Oh, it is. Very good, Mitch. That's very good. Well played, Mitch. But I guess with my family, we would go to El Torrito a lot. There's a, they're used to, I think there still is actually an El Torrito right there near Van Nuys and Ventura Boulevard that we would go to all the time. I remember, I remember I would go there when smoking was still legal inside restaurants and they had a smoking, a smoke, a cigarette machine in there and everything. And I also did actually really enjoy Taco Bell, which is what we're going to be talking about here today, I think, right?

I think we're all very excited to talk about Taco Bell. Taco Bell is, and that is a question, and I don't know if you want to get into it now or later, but that is a thing of LA is known for its excellent Mexican food and a lot of great options here. And that is, it's that funny thing of why, you know, why Taco Bell, why, like, why would you ever eat Taco Bell if you had all these options? And why was Taco Bell a good thing for you, you know? Yeah. Well, I mean, like, I'm from Southern California. I'm from Lakewood, which is like a suburb of Long Beach. And so it's a lot more suburban than LA proper. And so we had a lot of chain restaurants. But yeah, we'd still do Taco Bell. The other

thing is you mentioned Jack in the Box. And I didn't know until adulthood that that was a regional chain. But it is just like, it's not nationwide. There aren't Jack in the Boxes. They're not in Massachusetts. We don't have them in Massachusetts. Really? And the other one, and this is how what my approach to Taco Bell was, as we get into talking about this week's featured restaurant, I, we were a Del Taco family. Really? Del Taco is another like regional chain that pretty much only exists. If you look at like the map of where Carl's Juniors and Hardee's are, like basically the Carl's Junior region of the country is where Del Taco is. And outside of that, there really isn't Del Taco. Del Taco is basically like another Taco Bell. It's just a slightly, I mean, it's

different. It's definitely different. I never had Del Taco growing up. I feel like I only had Del Taco when I was in my 20s. And I think that there's a lot to be said for Del Taco. I prefer Taco Bell, but I really do think they're like almost completely different creatures. Yeah, I shouldn't say like, like the menu is not interchangeable. They're very different menus, but they are kind of like the same like fast food targeted at the budget, a conscious consumer, you know, an expansive 99 cent and under menu, you know, and then they've got their own takes on tacos, quesadillas, burritos, et cetera. But my, you know, coming from a Del Taco family, my first experience with Taco Bell was I was sleeping over at a friend's house. And this was,

you know, before cell phones, of course. So my family called ahead and my friend Dane's mom was like, Hey, we're going to have Taco Bell. What does Nicholas want? And so like, I didn't understand Taco, like I didn't, I only knew Mexican food basically as Del Taco. So like I was ordering, like asked for like specific Del Taco menu items from Taco Bell. And they didn't have any of it. And so when I went over to Dane's house, it was a Dane cook, by the way, a young. It was a young Dane cook. When I went over to Dane's house, they had like, well, they didn't have any of your stuff. So we got you like a bean and cheese cup. So why would they choose to get you a bean and cheese cup? What did you ask for from Del Taco? I don't remember specifically

what to ask for, but I remember my first experience at Taco Bell was a styrofoam cup of like pinto beans with cheese on it and a little bit of the red sauce and like eating it with a sport. Dane's family sauce. They're like, oh, we get them that cup of beans. Like the dad is an asshole. I'm sure there were some supplementary nachos and tacos that I'm not really remembering with a bean and cheese cup is what sticks out. But I think like, you know, from that initial experience, I've grown to like it, although I still prefer Del Taco, but it sounds like you guys are Taco Bell camp. I'm Taco Bell camp. I grew up very, very close to a Taco Bell. Like my childhood home was maybe two blocks away from a Taco Bell. Very close to me. There was a McDonald's and a Taco

Bell and an El Torrito. So those would sort of be the headlines for me. Interesting. For me, I, you know, my history with Taco Bell is sort of like, when I was younger, I was like afraid to eat Mexican food probably, probably a little bit xenophobic or something. So you hate, well, whatever. Well, no, I mean, I don't know, I don't, I just was confused by like, like it seemed crazy to me, like as a young, as a young kid in the, in the Boston area, there were not a lot of Mexican restaurants and the places I would go, I was like, oh, it seems spicy and there's chilies. Sure. And I don't know what's in this, like it's like a beef tube or whatever. So what would you do? Would you like leave when you went to those places?

So I remember, I loved like chips and salsa. So when we would go to like, this is like when I was very young, when I remember this, like five to seven or something. And, and I remember, like, there was this Taco Bell, and it always seemed like kind of like the most mysterious of the fast food places because it was kind of like a little ranchero, like, we like the houses in Massachusetts don't like, look like Taco Bells, you know, that's, that's actually a good point is that, and, and, you know, our younger, anyone younger out there may not recall this, but the Taco Bell used to like look like a Spanish style mission, like it was like a brick building that had a physical bell, which is actually why to me, what you said earlier is so surprising

about it being named after Glenn Bell, like I always assumed it was named after, I don't know how those places had bells in them. Yeah, like a church or something instead of some like weirdo guy who sold burgers. Yeah, like some guy, some like evil Marine who just put rations into a taco shell. That's, yeah, for me, there was one in Hingham, Massachusetts was always, Hingham is a, is like a little bit away, it's kind of like a fancier town than Quincy is, and, and, like, I never really ate there that much, it wasn't until like I was a teenager that they put Taco Bell in the KFC in my city, and then that was when I really started to eat Taco Bell a lot. You're saying when they made a comp, like they took an existing KFC,

existing KFC, and they split it in half, they put a Taco Bell in there. That's really like, and, you know, as I was reading about Yum Brands, which is the parent company, I guess they, I guess I always know of the combination Taco Bell and Pizza Hut, but apparently the Taco Bell KFC predated it, and that, and I feel like a KFC Taco Bell, I don't see as much, I feel like the Taco Bell Pizza Hut is a little bit more common. I actually liked the KFC Taco Bell combo because it was that sort of thing of like, they had good fried chicken, or you could get like a chicken sandwich and a taco. I liked it when it, I was probably like 11 or 12 maybe when that one opened in Quincy, and,

and, and I was just like, maybe I'll try this taco or something, you know, like along with the chicken sandwich, and that's kind of how it'll, and I'll start rolling from there. I don't know if there are KFC Taco Bells in Los Angeles. I don't remember seeing one when I read about that, yeah. Well Pizza, it's funny to me because they're like KFC and Taco Bell are fast food places, and then Pizza Hut seems, it seems like they're trying to keep it like, it's a pizza place, and so to put them both into like a fast food thing is weird to me. That's like, it's almost like the pizza huts that are, you know,

combination with Taco Bell are a whole different thing. Like they don't, don't they mostly serve like personal pizzas? Like they're not delivering from those Pizza Hut, sorry. Yeah, I think that's a big, like, like the pizzas, I feel like that's like the most disappointing pizza meal is the Pizza Hut personal pizza from the combination Taco Bell and Pizza Hut, or from the related like Pizza Hut kiosk that's a target. You know, it's like, it's not really, it's not really baked the way a pizza could be. It's like kind of the small like gummy, you know, Frisbee sized disc that just isn't very satisfying.

While we're on this topic, I mean, I of course have to mention the song that I'm sure you guys don't like, but this was a novelty hit from a DOS racist a couple years ago. Shouldn't it be DAS? Is it DAS racist? I don't know, I don't know. I don't think that they're a German group, but I feel like it's, I mean, I don't know. I don't know either though. How do you say it? Because I thought it was DAS boot. But I think it's like DAS, like that's racist, like DAS racist. Okay, that makes me feel like that name is kind of racist.

Well, it's Black guys though. That's what it's meant to a book. All right, let's listen to this song. All right, we got a sense of that. Did you guys, I guess it is interesting that it's like that's such a piece of pop culture, the idea of a combination Taco Bell and Pizza Hut that that's, you know, that became like something of a song that people were bumping for one summer. I remember that in college a little bit, and I thought it was kind of obnoxious song.

Is that, I mean, is that just like, I've always thought that's like one of those like weirdo internet songs, like that's like like peanut butter jelly time or something. Do you think was it not actually hit? I don't know. I don't know. I remember in school people playing it, but they always play stupid shitty songs. So like, maybe it was, I don't know, maybe that was a kind of a big, I mean, we both recognized it.

For sure. So like, maybe that is a song people liked. I wonder if anyone, if anyone out there, if that's your favorite song, please tweet. I don't think it's a bad song. I mean, I think it's a fine, it's okay. It's a fine novelty song. I'm okay with it. That sounds like your style of music.

Dr. Dementos. Let's talk about the food at Taco Bell. So we all have a lot of experience eating there over the years. Do you guys have a particular go-to order or a favorite menu item? I mean, this is tough. This is a real tough question because I feel like typically over the years, it has been the nacho cheese chalupa for me. That was like the one I sort of like got into, I want to say,

in middle school or high school and like subsequently stuck with throughout the years. They don't offer it on menu anymore. The on menu nacho cheese chalupa doesn't exist anymore. So now you have to order a regular chalupa and add nacho cheese to it. Which a lot of times will come out with nacho cheese and the shredded cheese. So it's really... And that's excessive, right? That doesn't...

It's a little excessive and it's also just sad to me that the guys that are working there don't know what the original nacho cheese chalupa was. They're not conscious of their history. They're not conscious of their history. They probably don't even know who Glenn Bell is. Yeah, what about you, Mitch? Well, yeah, for me, growing up, I definitely had a specific kind of order. And it's always kind of been based around the cheesy gordita crunch for me.

That was the big one. And I remember in middle school or high school when that came out and I just... I loved that and I've loved it. And if I go to Taco Bell, I always get a cheesy gordita crunch. And the crunch wrap is also kind of a thing that was big for me. But then it used to be like a burrito supreme and a chalupa. And then as time went on, it kind of moved into the crunch wrap. And now things that I like more, the Doritos Locos Taco.

Huge standout. I actually think that that is maybe the most well-liked modern fast food, I think. I think you make a good point. And it is interesting because that came about... I have the date here. I think it was a 2012 debut. Of the Doritos Locos Taco. And that kind of came about when fast food was trending towards healthy and fresh.

Chipotle was starting to become more mainstream. And Taco Bell just sort of was like, fuck it, we're going in the opposite direction. Taco Bell offers an alternative. Here's an alternative. They do. This is some... For those of you who want to eat hot garbage that costs 89 cents, we're fucking...

We got it. I kind of always appreciate them and Carl's Jr. or Hardee's for people who don't have Carl's Jr. I appreciate that they're like, here it is, come and get it, you fat fucking losers. I really... Because you're eating fast food. And so it's kind of like, well, yeah, I want to eat this shit. I was doing some of the bullshit commercials for the internet that we've all had to do at one time. And one of the brand messaging points.

I remember this for a time for Taco Bell was they thought it was for young adventure types. They wanted to move away from the late night stoner food and make it like you would bring a basket of tacos when you go on a hike or something like that. And I remember feeling... I almost had to opt out of doing the project, but I needed the $150 because I felt that that was so misguided. That's... I think...

I do remember they were like, Taco Bell, fresh menu. They're like, we still have our like... Live Moss is that. Like Live Moss is like, it's for people to get out there and I don't know, live more, whatever. They were like, we still have our molten cheese menu that you love. But also now, we have these fresh tomatoes and people just didn't even care. I got to say that I give them a lot of credit because Taco Bell is a place that they're specials. I always...

They have loaded grillers now, which I think are really good. And they always have like a new little thing that's like... It's like the whatever burrito or whatever that they throw out there that I want to try. And if it doesn't work, they just get rid of it. Like I feel like the cheesy Gordy to Crunch was that. And then the Crunchwrap Supreme was kind of that thing. And then now like loaded grillers, they just throw things out. I mean, I like that and I don't like it.

That's a double-edged sword. Like they're trying new things and they're willing to like admit when they're wrong. But as we experienced when we went the other day for this very podcast, you wanted to try the Sriracha... What was it? The Sriracha... Sriracha Quesarito. Yeah, they don't have the Sriracha Quesarito anymore.

And it was gone. But they already got rid of it? The Sriracha Quesarito has come and gone. It is done. Because this is... And I think she's okay with me telling this, but my wife went to get a Sriracha Quesarito last week. And she ate it and literally puked afterwards. And I wonder if she got one of the like the last Sriracha Quesaritos.

It has been sitting in the freezer. It's so sad that it ended up, you know, it has vomit in the toilet. But I gotta say, Nick, on the other hand, that's like your fetish. So you're like super horny. I'll say too that I had a Sriracha Quesarito a couple weeks ago. Like around St. Patrick's Day, I was very drunk and had a Sriracha Quesarito and really, really liked it and did not throw up. It's funny that like this...

Like by, you know, a menu item like Sriracha that, you know, was like, if you had like a hip, cool restaurant in LA, like you would have had Sriracha on the menu, like a Sriracha dish in like 2009 or something. And it's like the amount of time it takes for something to go from like a cool, like trendy restaurant to finally get to fast food, where, you know, now multiple fast food restaurants have a Sriracha thing. It's kind of the same way of like, you know, a cool, like black urban teen will start saying on fleek.

And then like after a period of time, like you'll hear your dad like say it, you know, your white dad will bust out on fleek. It's kind of like the exact same timeline, I feel like. Yeah, I feel like the Sriracha craze was like huge in like food a few months ago. And now, yeah, like it was only, it was a quick process. Like, and now people already hate Sriracha, I feel like, and like are sick of it after we like depleted the Sriracha fields or whatever, right? Wasn't there like a thing?

And would they like like poisoning everybody in a town or something to like... I believe it's Carson, California. It's a nearby, it's in Southern California. And yeah, their plant is just like putting chili peppers into the air, and it's like making people sick. And I love that this was happening. Like the whole town, everybody's getting sick of the Sriracha. And the reaction is like, no, like shut up, like Sriracha's good.

But like, like fuck that town. It's kind of like a microcosm for like our geopolitical situation, where like any resource, we don't want to deal with any inconvenience. Like we're just like, we want hot, like hot, it's fucking a specific kind of hot sauce. And we want it so bad we're willing to like sicken an entire town. I gotta say, I think this chunk is going to be very controversial for all your listeners. You guys are coming out hard against Sriracha. I tell you, I would, if I lived in that town and it was like reigning Sriracha,

that would be great. I have no problem with it. Free Sriracha. Yeah, free Sriracha. Go ahead. Getting back to what you were saying about, you know, Taco Bell, and I feel like they are in a way an innovator in the fast food realm. And you know, like a couple of menu options you guys mentioned previously, the Gordita

and the Chilupa. I remember a time before the Gordita, before the Chilupa, when those were new things that they tried, they sort of like, I want to try a flatbread taco, a flatbread taco. Let's see if that works and end up working and it's a staple of their menu. So I think they do deserve some credit for innovating in the fast food space. I will say that Yum Industries, even though you've made it seem like... Brands, right? Yum, sorry, Yum Brands.

You made it seem like an evil thing the Avengers would go up against when you were giving your introduction. But I think that they do a lot of great things. I agree. It is the most corporate food in a tube that there is. But the Taco Bell to me is such a playground of like, we're putting... And you know what? I was just thinking they should put Doritos crust in the Crunchwrap.

Oh yeah, they have the hard shell inside there. Why is that not a Doritos? Why is that not a Doritos? Things like that. That's a great point, actually. And I didn't come up with that myself. I stole it. But anyways...

Where did you steal that from? Don't worry about it. Also, Taco Bell specifically, with their drinks, they are like... They do the weirdest shit with their drinks. When we went and ate, I had the Strawberry Pink Starburst Slurpee drink. And I was like, no other place... Mountain Dew has specific drinks that are only at Taco Bell. And it's this weird little laboratory where they're trying out different products on people.

And I kind of love it. Though I don't think it works as well for Pizza Hut, but that's another episode. But... I think it's interesting. I think Young Brands is interesting altogether that it's like... McDonald's is such a monolithic company that it takes, like you said, the Avengers of fast food to even go up against them. Like, McDonald's as an entity is so large that they need to get Pizza Hut and Taco Bell

and KFC and Pepsi all teamed up if they're even gonna be able to compete. Yeah, that's true. The new Mountain Dew is like Quicksilver or something. They're adding new guys all the time. Did they ever have a mascot? The dog. The dog. What's the dog?

Oh, yes, yes, you're right, you're right, you're absolutely right. I was thinking of the cartoon world, but actually I have something... I was gonna say, I knew you knew about the Chihuahua, but that is a weird thing. Like, McDonald's has Grimace and Birdie and all others, but... Which one, Birdie? Which one's the one, Birdie? Birdie is Birdie. It is Birdie.

I think Birdie is a... I don't know, is there Birdie? Yeah, she's a female bird. What? Yeah, that's true. Oh, okay. And yeah, but before that, there was never... Like, the Taco Bell dog was it, right?

I assume before all that, it was just that weirdo bell character who he heard about today for the first time. Glenn Bell. Glenn Bell pushing his burger tacos. He wouldn't be the first old man to make himself the company's mascot, which is like the Wendy's Dave guy did that, and now like the Kentucky Colonel, obviously. Papa John, I feel like, is the equivalent of just like an old guy

who owns the company. An old conservative man who comes out and says, you should try like my foods. I'll only let Dave Thomas get away with that, because the other two seem kind of like, I'm gonna push my product, and Dave Thomas just kind of seems like a guy that like, go, Dave, you're gonna do this commercial.

He's like, okay. I bet you Dave was way more fucked up and cutthroat than you're giving him credit for. You don't, I mean, I don't know, you don't make Wendy's without making some enemies. There is, I'm really interested in digging into the Dave Thomas story. There is something that's very like genuine about,

like just, you love your daughter so much that you name your burger restaurant after. That's like a very sincere- Dave Thomas is the Ronald Reagan of fast food. Oh my God. I'm calling it right now. There could be something dark there. Dave Thomas is the Ronald Reagan of fast food.

All right, let's, we mentioned the Taco Bell dog. You guys, if you were alive in 1997, may remember this commercial that was omnipresent at the time. Yo quiero Taco Bell. Now you can get two tacos for just 99 cents. One song. That was the whole thing. It was like a dog, a little Chihuahua

that walked down the street while salsa music was playing and then he said, Yorquiero Taco Bell. For those of you who can't see in the studio, Nick did like a weird little salsa dance in his chair. I was, I tell you, I didn't, it was unconscious. I didn't realize I was doing it. I just sort of started grooming. I'm most surprised that like, even back in 1997,

commercial announcers were still like kind of creepy sounding men. Like it's still like a weird whisper man being like the new Taco Bell. It's my little secret. I kind of like that. I like, the voice pulls me in a little bit. I'm okay with it. It is like, because the talk about Chihuahua was like a thing,

it was just that one spot and then it became so much bigger. And then that, that dog was just everywhere. There were like dog dolls. He ultimately went up against Godzilla. Yes. And that was the, because Godzilla, the movie, not the Brian Cranston one, but there was another one in 1998

with Matthew Broderick and Harry Shearer, I believe. Yes. Who else was in it? Hank Azaria was in it. Hank Azaria. Was Harry Shearer in it? I don't know if Shearer was in it. I think it was just Azaria.

Actually, I think Harry Shearer was in it as a like a reporter character. Because they did a whole thing in that where they had like multiple live-action Simpsons actors in it. They had Hank Azaria was a cameraman. Harry Shearer was a reporter. I think Nancy Cartwright has a cameo role. Yeah, it's strange.

But anyway, so Godzilla, that old bad film by the Independence Day team. But yeah, they had a commercial for where the Taco Bell dog was trying to catch Godzilla. I looked it up and I guess the promotion at the time is that like you tried to catch Godzilla or something. And so he had like a trap full of Taco Bell and he said, he's speaking English now

and he's saying, here, lizard, lizard. Yeah. It's a very strange spot. I think that's a weird thing. I remember that. It's a weird thing from that time how much movies like teamed up with specific restaurants all the time. Like maybe that was a thing.

Was that specifically with Taco Bell? Like didn't Taco Bell like give away the Batmobile or something at some point too? Oh yeah, that sounds right. Okay, yeah, that sounds familiar. That's insane. I mean, just the fact, it feels like Ronald McDonald wouldn't be like with the Avengers or whatever.

That's just like, it's like Ronald and the Mad Max guys. I know that that integration was kind of. You know, I actually, I almost now would make an argument for. I like the goofiness of movies now maybe take themselves too seriously. Like the Avengers takes itself so seriously that it would never be seen alongside our new Wendy for Wendy's or whatever.

And like maybe movies should get off their fucking high horse and like team up with the fast food restaurant again. While we're on that topic, a very similar thing in the Taco Bell realm, a film from I believe 1993 called Demolition Man, which was a science fiction film that didn't take itself super seriously. So let's go ahead and play this clip. Sylvester Stallone, Wesley Snipes and Sandra Bullock.

So what's with this cocktail guy anyway? He says I saved his life, which I'm not even sure I did. And my reward is dinner and dancing at Taco Bell. I mean, hey, I like Mexican food, but come on. Your tone is quasi facetious, but you do not realize that Taco Bell was the only restaurant to survive the franchise wars. So?

So now all restaurants are Taco Bell. No way. Basically the the clip is that the only restaurant after the franchise wars is Taco Bell. And so it's this whole thing. Have you seen this movie, Jack? I haven't actually. I feel like I showed up for our listeners and for Jack.

So the premise of the movie is it's kind of ridiculous. I don't remember if it's good. I think it's not good. I think it's kind of fun, but it's not good. Yeah, it's not that great. So it's Sylvester Stallone and Wesley Snipes. And Sylvester Stallone is a super cop. Wesley Snipes is a super criminal.

It's the 90s. They both get cryogenically frozen and wake up like 40 years later. And now they're in the future. And Wesley Snipes is on a rampage because it's like a world with no crime. And Sylvester Stallone is the one cop who can actually track him down.

And he gets partnered up with Sandra Bullock, who's a future lady, who sort of is his guide to this new world. So but one of the things they have in it is that every restaurant has become Taco Bell. It's the only restaurant that exists anymore. They won the fast food wars. They won the fast food wars.

I remember my marketing professor in college, I think was like, it did like well. Like it helped Taco Bell sales or something. Because this is like 1993 or whatever. I think it had an effect on sales, which is crazy to me. They had like a, they changed the logo for a time, like at least on the bags. I think they had like a future bell logo.

And yeah, I don't remember any specific menu items there. But then the whole thing is like they go to the restaurant. It's like this Hoy Palloy like fancy, fancy fine dining spot now. But it's all with like a piano player, but it's still just Taco Bell. They, I think they called Tacos like Snipes for a long time, right?

Wait, really? Is that true? What are you talking about? Well, it sounds good on you. I'm gonna check it out. I'm gonna check out the movie. It does sound good on her on Wesley Snipes. They called old Tacos Snipes.

Okay. Man, it's not good. Well, if you guys didn't like it, I wanted to force it a little bit more and see what would happen. One thing Taco Bell is doing as of this recording is they're pushing their breakfast menu. Yeah.

And understandably, that's like, I feel like fast food breakfast, there's what, there's Dunkin Donuts, there's McDonald's. Do you think of anything else? I know other places have fast food breakfast, but those are the places you go to. The only other one I think of is Jack in the Box

because I know they offer it all day. Yes, yes. But other than that, no. We should have had you on the Jack in the Box episode. You really love that place. I love Taco Bell more, actually. More than, okay. I do.

And I had breakfast this week, and I believe a one or two you guys might have as well. We both went this morning together. Oh, wonderful. I still feel sick. I had the Sausage Egg and Cheese Biscuit Taco, which is the, it's basically in lieu of the flatbread that you use for a gordita, they use like a biscuit.

That's like a biscuit wrap. And I also tried the A.M. Crunch Wrap, and just an order of hash browns. What did you guys think of the Taco Bell breakfast? I also had the biscuit. The biscuit taco that you were talking about there. I love Taco Bell. I love Taco Bell.

I got a lot of thoughts about why Taco Bell is great. And I think that the breakfast items do not highlight what makes Taco Bell great. I think that that biscuit taco, the biscuit itself was like very dry. The sausage was very McDonald's like, and so were the eggs. And I actually think it's a very strange choice for them to make their whole ad campaign about breaking away from the monotony of McDonald's breakfast

if they're going to make their breakfast offerings so similar to McDonald's. I fully agree. And I got a lot of like, for me as I was eating that, I was like, this is just like a less convenient sausage and muffin that's not quite as good. The biscuit's just or sausage biscuit with egg rather. That just not the biscuit isn't quite as good as an actual biscuit. It's also bizarre.

And to me, it's like, you know, it's as far removed from Mexican food as you can possibly be. It's only like Mexican food in its kind of resemblance to Mexican food. Like breakfast tacos like exist. Like real tacos exist and Taco Bell tacos exist. The two are different in very specific ways, but like Taco Bell tacos are approximating real tacos. These breakfast tacos are just doing like a jokey impression of tacos.

They're a novelty item, I think. I really do feel that way. You're right. I mean, because they've removed the idea. There's no tortilla anymore. It's just like, it's just a biscuit that's shaped like a tortilla. Yeah. Which was a waffle, which is another promo that came and went really fast.

But another joke. It's a waffle taco. Oh, yes, yes. I feel like they're almost like jokes. They're like jokes. Yeah, I didn't love the breakfast either. We got a sausage grande breakfast burrito. And I got the crunch wrap with bacon.

And then we also did a biscuit taco with the chicken. We did like a chicken biscuit taco with the supposedly spicy honey sauce. It was pretty spicy, but it just was fine and nothing great. I mean, for me, I think maybe the breakfast crunch wrap is good. I think that it actually maybe justifies the entire existence of Taco Bell breakfast. Like that's what I want to see out of Taco Bell breakfast. I want to see a Taco Bell item made into a breakfast item. I feel like that's what McDonald's does well.

But if they're just going to be chasing McDonald's, I'm not interested. I'm not interested in that. Yeah, I told you. I mean, the breakfast burrito was fine, but then it was also kind of weird. There was tomatoes in it. And it also felt like half of a regular burrito with just with egg or something. I said to Jack that I think a way that they could be in the game is they have to have that breakfast available always because it's 2 a.m. or 3 a.m. and people want breakfast for whatever

reason that could be when they do well. Especially if you're going to be offering these like like joke ridiculous items. Like the waffle taco, like no self-respecting human fucking being is going to order a waffle taco before they go into work in the morning. Yeah. In the middle of the night, like drunk or fucked up. Like that's the time that you order something like that. It weirdly makes McDonald's breakfast seem like very respectable.

Like I look at McDonald's breakfast now and I'm like, oh yeah, that seems like a classier establishment for breakfast for whatever reason. It just feels more normal. And you know, the chicken biscuit taco was tasty, but fine. Is it fried chicken on it? It is. And there's almost no reason why it's a breakfast item. That's what I feel about that.

Yeah. Well, I'm a northern boy. So I never, fried chicken for breakfast is strange to me anyway. So like, yeah, it just seems like it could be a lunch menu. But who knows? There are probably a lot of people out there who feel completely different. I don't say. I mean, like, look, like I think you can have fried chicken for breakfast.

That's fine. But I don't think like just the chicken and biscuit makes it a breakfast. I think you can have eggs and fried chicken. Like you have to have a breakfast item in there, but they've removed all breakfasts from this like supposedly breakfast item. Chicken and biscuits is a big thing now in the south. But the spicy honey is also kind of like candy. Like even though it wasn't right.

Yeah. Like, but the crunch wrap, I would say was the best. But I had that issue of bacon being kind of chopped up and not like real thick cut pieces of bacon, which is of course it doesn't have because it's a taco bell. But maybe the sausage was the way to go on that one. Yeah. I had they am crunch wrap with steak and I do believe I probably this the sausage I had in the sausage egg and cheese biscuit taco.

I enjoyed more. So I think if you're going to pick a meat for taco bell breakfast, I would go with sausage. I also think I agree with you on the am crunch wrap. I think it's fine. I think that if you're in a situation where taco bell breakfast is your option, you could do a lot worse than an am crunch wrap with sausage. I think that's a pretty decent fast food breakfast option. My thought on this, and you mentioned that you had a sausage egg and cheese burrito, correct?

My thought is the breakfast burrito is such like a beloved thing. Like that's a big thing in America that people love. People prefer breakfast burritos to breakfast sandwiches. I know Taco Bell is not known for its burritos, but it has burritos that people like. Why not just put all your energy towards like coming up with a perfect fast food breakfast burrito? And I'm going to make the argument here too that use the ingredients that you have at taco bell in these breakfast items. One of the things I liked about the breakfast burrito that they had there was that it used

like the classic sort of like zesty nacho cheese that I'm used to from Taco Bell. I want the beef in there. I want the like weird viscous beef that they have in all their other items. I want viscous beef. I want shredded lettuce, like nacho cheese. I think you don't want breakfast. I think you want. No, I want a normal taco bell burrito with eggs in it.

It's what I want to have. You bring up a point and Nick brought up a point. He got steak for me. I never do like the steak or like whole cut chicken like a Taco Bell. I'm like, give me the tube meat that Jeff is talking about or or nothing. I like sometimes I'll do a chicken thing, but like it's still kind of tube meat. I mean, they're they're okay. I have I have real serious feelings about this.

And when we went, we also I went a couple of days ago and we tried some of their new like chicken offerings. They have this thing that's like a I don't know. Chick star. It's called like a chick star. It was actually kind of similar to what the fried chicken. But I had the chicken griller too. But it was it was it was all it was all chick star.

The chick star brand thing. It's very bizarre. They call it a chicken griller. It's fried chicken. There's nothing grilled about this at all. And it's basically just like a piece of fried chicken like wrapped in a tortilla. And I don't know like that feels to me like a KFC item. I'm saying like I don't have any of the chicken at Taco Bell.

I don't have any of the steak at Taco Bell. This sounds disgusting. But I make the argument that you should not eat anything at Taco Bell that doesn't come from like a plastic udder. I truly do believe that actually. And it sounds gross or whatever. But like I think that like the way Taco Bell items should be is you take some sort of tortilla, you squeeze something out of an udder,

you squeeze something out of another udder, and then you put like two shredded cold items on top of it. That's it. That's how I feed Jack at the. I lay on the bed and he squeezes from udders into my mouth. I also wear the udders and move. And I call him mother. Mother cow.

I got to say that I kind of agree with you because I think there's a tube for the beef and a tube for the chicken. But I don't think there's a tube for the chicken. Well, I think that there's like the loaded grillers. Chicken meat is like so like goopy and whatever that I'm like, this is good. But this like the steak at Taco Bell I never want any part of or like the chick star actually was probably something that they do better than a lot of other stuff. But I still just like the ground beef at Taco Bell and and but and so people will be like,

why ever get Taco Bell? It's like because I like that ground meat like cactus burritos is literally a couple just a block or two south of Taco Bell where we went. And it's my favorite burrito place on earth. But I I crave Taco Bell some sometimes and I crave a real burrito another time. Like they're two different things to me. I haven't thought about this. I actually do think that you're right about that.

They are two different things. These are almost like two different food groups like sort of like fake authentic food and actual authentic food. And I make the argument that if there's a spectrum and Taco Bell is like all the way on the left, it's as far from authentic Mexican food as you could possibly be. And something like cactus is all the way on the right. It's like as authentic as Mexican food can be. I feel like you're kind of a Kinsey scale.

Yeah. It's a Kinsey scale for fast food and it turns me on sexually like the Kinsey scale too. But I make your I make the argument that the bad area is toward the middle. It's the worst foods are the ones that are not authentic but are making an attempt to be authentic. I think Taco Bell is good because it's so far from trying to be authentic that it's its own thing. Like I would even make the argument that like I don't know. Like I actually say I think they'll taco is not as good as Taco Bell because it's closer to the center of that spectrum. I think El Torrito is not as good as Cactus because it's closer to the center of that spectrum.

Wow. Okay. I like that theory a lot but I also have a theory of my own. I think that you love tube foods so much because Jack's dad worked on Alex Mack. Oh yeah. Which is about like a viscous fluid going through tubes. So I think that you just saw that so much as a young boy and then you wanted your meals served that same way. Do you think there's a what is this show? You don't know the secret world of Alex Mack. I never watched it.

You have Nickelodeon when you're a kid. I'm probably too old for it. No. No. I don't think you're too old for it. What it would like what is the very strange number one. This was like a very bad you know segue bitch. I know you like wanted to bring this up. You told me ahead of time. I actually think it's the perfect set away.

We're talking about liquids going through tubes. Okay. That's fine. That's fine. The thing we want to cover with our guests always is their dad's profession. Yeah. My dad did special effects when I was growing up. He worked on the secret world of Alex Mack, the Nickelodeon show and she would zap things with her fingers and she would turn into a liquid substance and like turn into a puddle and go around and stuff like that.

So he did all those special effects and Mitch thought this was. Imagine if you could do that you could get into a little tube of beef from Taco Bell. You could squeeze me onto your Cordida. Yeah. That would be amazing. Let's get some closing thoughts on Taco Bell. Let's give a rating. Everyone say what you think and we'll go on a scale of one to five forks. Forks is okay Mitch.

Did you want to change it up? Did you want to do something other than forks? Oh no. I love forks. I love forks. We'll stick with forks. I have forks is my favorite utensil. Taco Bell is such a because I feel like we just talked about breakfast. So I know and I have so many thoughts still about it.

Let's try to get them out. Let's get an overall rating. We had our opinions on breakfast but I think we all have a lifetime's worth of experience of eating at Taco Bell. Let's judge it on those merits. So Jack we'll start with you. I'm never not going to love Taco Bell and I've made my thoughts clear about what items you should order there.

I think you should stick. Mostly Taco Bell is away. It's all about the delivery method to get the same three ingredients in your mouth ostensibly. That's what I believe. I want to make it quick. I want to say very quickly here that we went inside the Taco Bell for Taco Bell breakfast and I feared for my life.

It was like being in a prison yard. It was really awful. The crazies actually came out in the morning when we were there at night. It was not nearly as bad as it was this morning when we went. It was extremely frightening. It was extremely frightening to be there. I saw a lot of the same faces in the morning eating breakfast at Taco Bell that I saw when I went to a porno theater at 3 a.m. one time in the middle of the night.

They're very frightening people there. With all that said, I give Taco Bell five out of five forks. Go ahead, Mitch. Oh no, I mean, I think that's a kind of a great rundown for me. Yeah, the experience there, I actually wish we could play this song because the night we went, it was very pleasant and there was this one song playing that made me feel so out of touch. The restaurant was clean, but there was this modern pop music.

I can try to pull it up. It was this American apparel underwear song that Jack and I were standing in her American apparel underwear song that made me feel so old. But the experience was very nice. I love the food at Taco Bell. It's just been a thing like the cheesy gordita crunch I feel like has been by my side for a long time now. And in college, we used to do grande meal challenges where we would try to eat five soft tacos,

five hard tacos, beef and cheese burrito, and a Mexican pizza in a nachos bell grande. And we did that a couple times and we all threw up and everything like that. There's nothing wrong with that food. Like, you know what you're getting. I hate when people make like, oh, Taco Bell diarrhea jokes. It's so hacky to me. It's just, you know what Taco Bell is and it is what it is. And sometimes you crave that.

Sometimes you crave Domino's and sometimes you crave some really nice pizza or something. So, you know, the Mountain Dew morning drink I had this morning tasted like medicine. It was a terrible experience this morning, but I too will give Taco Bell five out of five forks. I love Taco Bell. Guys, I have a feeling I'm going to be the prior here. I feel like I'm going to be a little bit removed from your opinion because I do like Taco Bell. I think it's great. I think from the standpoint of eating as a way to get full, I think your money goes

further there than anywhere. Like, I think you can get a lot of food for very little money that's tasty and will fill you up. That said, I have to maintain my allegiance to Del Taco and I will nine times out of ten prefer Del Taco to Taco Bell. And that's just how I feel. That's just how I was raised and that's just how I continue to live my life. And I guess you don't have respect for World War II veterans. I hope Glen Bell clicked your pansies.

I also like Taco Bell, they break down their menu into like beefy, crunchy, and cheesy. You're not going to get that from Del Taco. They're going to do like that thing that Jack's pretending like it. You're going to get a floppy tortilla with shrimp and mayonnaise on it. I just want to say I let you guys proceed uninterrupted. I feel like this is like the closing arguments at a residential debate. Fine. I should be allowed to say my piece.

It's okay. I'll cut to it. I'll cut to the chase. For me, Taco Bell, still a very good meal. I enjoy myself when I go there, three out of five forks. And I think overall that adds up to a very respectable score for Taco Bell from Doe Boyz collectively, from Mitch and I and I. Don't try to bring our fucking reviews down with your shitty reviews.

My review is my own. I have nothing to do with your three out of five. This could be the last episode of Doe Boyz, by the way. I give Doe Boyz a three out of five. That's better ranking than I will get on iTunes. I do want to just point out that I was with Jack to actually the service at Taco Bell, when I went to the drive-thru to get a Doritos Locos taco without you. What?

And the servers tried to prank me. What? I thought the speaker was broken. It was making noises. And then I got up front and the two guys were talking to each other so I could over here. And they were like, it sounds like a dolphin, the speaker. I didn't even give them what they wanted, me being like, I heard that. I was just like, whatever.

But then today we went and the guy, I was at the front of the line, he was like, one minute and he left. And then he came back and he was like, what's up, man? And I was like, nothing. And he was like, no, not you. And he was talking to his friend behind me who had delivered him a box of sneakers. And it was just like, what the fuck is going on with the service here? It was a truly fucked up place.

No, no, no. Taco Bell in the morning is not a place to be. Like stay away from Taco Bell inside of Taco Bell. I went inside as well when I was getting my Taco Bell breakfast. And for me, it wasn't like a scary or sketchy or anything. It was just sad because there's literally one employee because no one is there. No one's going to get Taco Bell breakfast. And so I ordered my thing.

She took my order and then she had to shuffle over. And I watched her make it. And I felt so bad that I was just putting all this work on this one person. They're not ready to make breakfast yet. They're not ready for it. Still five out of five forks. A huge five out of five. Point five out of five.

Five point five out of five forks. It was great. All right, so here's what we thought about Taco Bell. But not everyone is necessarily a fan. And we've got someone's right up here. This is a segment we're continuing to call an Unsatisfied Yelper. This is a one-star Yelp review of a Taco Bell in San Diego written by Carlos K. Who's hails from Sacramento.

Bad Karma is a bitch. And we received it here after our libation call through PB. I believe he's referring to the Pacific Beach neighborhood of San Diego. It was partially my own damn fault. I don't carry cash and I was bitten on the ass for 90 millionth time for not doing so. We left moon doggies and we were fucking starving. The friends liked toxic hell and I said fuck no. But the lack of coin in my wallet put the kibosh on anything else.

The bad karma starts on the way back to the car before getting eating toxic smell. We passed smack donalds in the 99 cent McChicken sign and they replied no. Then we passed a hot dog stand. Nope. The bacon-wrapped hot dog stand came next. No bueno. The friends haven't experienced the bacon-wrapped hot dog. A goddamn tragedy.

The last place we passed was a taco stand that had a customary DMV-like line. Nada. Taco hell it is. Apparently the vast amount of alcohol we consumed had a terrible effect on our memories because we didn't realize the problem until after we ate the eight tacos. We actually ordered 10. Taco stands never made this mistake. The return trip to get the other two tacos was met with rejection.

Like I said karma is a bitch and we rightfully deserved it. The moral of this review always always carry cash. I mean well I don't agree with Carlos but he's like clearly very funny and could write punch up on Kevin Smith movies. It is like- Well Jack's throw started a feud with Kevin Smith but I was saying that this guy I told Nick that this guy sounds kind of like a shitty Jack Caroway. Yeah he's got that stupid like that's why I say Kevin Smith because he's like

Kevin Smith will say like this is a cool flick or whatever. I don't know like just like using I don't know. He's like sitting by the ocean side. I could smell. No bueno my man. No bueno my man let's roll on to like it's like shut up you fucking idiot. Just say like I went to Taco Bell and they fucked up the order and that was bad. Everyone likes Taco Bell too right.

Doesn't everyone like it. Why would you expend this like kind of energy like it's hard to write it. I'm a writer and like it sucks. It sucks to write. Like why would you expend this much energy writing a review on Yelp to begin with and then also a review on Yelp of a Taco Bell. This yeah this rambling yarn that took some time to compose. He obviously put some thought into the word choice.

He's doing this variation on toxic hell the toxic smell the Taco Hell which I would just say the heightening is backward. You should have started with Taco Hell. But anyway it is like for me what bothers me about this one is just an absence of information about the food. This guy wants to tell a talk about like his like ramble through the the villages of Pacific Beach. You know when he was drunk with his friends he doesn't we don't even see here what he what he ordered more specifically than tacos.

Nobody wants Gonzo Yelp reviews. That is what it is. It's a little Gonzo Yelp Yelp. This is going to get discovered by Vice over his Taco Bell review. And also Nick you are just as close to that guy with your three rating as you are to us. So go hang out with Carlos K. You know maybe I will maybe I will. For me I feel like everyone enjoys I remember when I was younger I saw Patriots players at

Taco Bell and Quincy I'm like it's not above I mean it's not below anyone it's just an option. I'm sick of people making fun of McDonald's or Taco Bell like who cares yeah okay whatever like it's the diarrhea jokes of being like hacky it's like no no you're wrong. You know what it is it's puritanism. Yeah it goes back to Jax. It's also some classism I feel like. Every generation has puritanism every generation has it and it's always looked back on as foolish. And a lot of times like it's like backed by the government or you know the first lady or whoever

but it's always looked back on as foolish. You guys keep talking I'm gonna prep our next segment. Michelle Obama man. So Mitch you beat the uncharted games right. Yeah that's a lot of what I've been doing in in my spare non-working time. I mean is this crazy that like after all this talk like I like want to go back to Taco Bell. I feel like we didn't get to hit dinner as much as I would like to in this review but Jack I do want to ask you yeah since Nick is pouring these these drinks which I don't know what this is.

Can you give me a ranking of your hot sauces for Taco Bell because I could give you mine. Okay I definitely it just goes backwards from hottest to least hot. I think fire is my favorite then hot then you know mild then Verde. Did you try the new green sauce the Verde. Yes I'm not a fan it's not familiar. I don't mind it I think it's okay. I thought it was okay it's not as good as like a as an you know of course let's the Taco Bell thing it's not as great as a as a burrito stands Verde sauce but it's it's it's like ketchup you

know and it worked well on the breakfast I thought for me the fire is my least favorite I like hot mild Verde and then fire but. Guys I've handed you cups and I'm going to explain to our listeners what's going on so this is a new segment we're trying out I've provided a mystery beverage to each of you and I'm going to see if you two can guess what it is and whoever comes closest wins the balance of the bottle so I've poured a small amount live together okay well you I don't want you to share so you're pretty much telling us that we have to take home this bottle I'm saying I say yes that's how it works is that one of you is going to take this out of the studio all right okay so this is a mystery beverage I've given you I'm going to call this the Weiger Challenge

and you guys just describe what you're sensing take a taste if you have any yes or no questions I can answer them and then try your best to to each take your guess of what this is I mean it definitely got sort of like a I feel like a sort of citrusy smell to it yeah it's got notes of um lemon maybe some lime um hold on I'm gonna take a sip it's it's clear it's clear so that's like that rules out a lot of sodas to begin with it's carbonated I should say carbonated yeah for me for me it like it looks like it has a little bit of a of a of a ginger ale hue it's not purely okay it's a little ginger ale it looks a lot like sprite also um okay smells a little bit like sprite but also a little bit like ginger ale I'm also well I will get into this after when we get into like the

ruling of this but I don't know how you can quantify who's closer to a beverage I will decide okay okay sure okay so take a sip oh wow wow that is hmm this is a tough this is tough this your your first weigar challenge is a doozy it's not as like hmm it's not as like super sugary as maybe I anticipated it was gonna be I agree with that it's not a real strong flavor to me hmm a part of me feels like it's this and I don't know if I'm because there is a bottle at screen and it kind of looks like a sprite bottle so I don't want to get my own head but it feels

like a sprite off shoot like a squirt I want to say like lemon haridos or something like that like something like that okay like one of the weird Mexican sodas that's like wow right interesting because so is that is that your guess jack yeah lemon haridos yeah like lemon lime like haridos okay which it definitely isn't because you didn't know how it's pronounced Mitch your turn I get like a little bit of berry in here right like that I feel like there's some sort of berry I'm not gonna help you good point um I'm gonna go with um a sprite berry like a like a sprite berry oh no you know what I'm gonna go with

like a squirt off shoot like a cactus cooler cactus cool I want to I might like guess is lime haridos but I want to say it's sprite remix I miss you you snatched uh uh defeat from the jaws of victory however it however the phrase goes you're very close with sprite berry it is in fact sprite lebron's mix I knew it I knew you know what lemon lime soda uh this is with the lebron's addition of cherry and orange flavors huh there's a little berry in there I have this in slurpee form at one point and it was delicious um I should have known you were out with lebron last night right this is all he drinks um you know what I tip my hat lebron I am not a fan of he's uh and the Celtics are playing uh the calves uh on sunday oh and they're all for sure loose I mean

and also when this airs that they will already be over with but um I don't love lebron but I have to say I like his drink choice it's uh it's pretty good stuff he uh he knows what he's doing and the slurpee was was great too but you're gonna give that to jack I'm gonna I'm gonna give that still I think you were closer um I was just going to say you were you almost had it almost on the nose and then at the last second you jumped a cactus cooler you had sprite berry that's true okay you were very close uh but yes I think uh I'm gonna say Mitch you you've won the wyger challenge so congratulations I should this will be your garbage at the apartment it's going right on the floor all right so uh as we're wrapping things up here uh just like a restaurant we value your feedback

if you ever have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants you can email us at doboyspodcast at gmail.com and today's email uh comes to us uh as we open up the feedback today's email comes to us from Zach O'Yama uh Zach is a friend uh we solicited for uh questions on our personal facebook uh as we are still uh yet to go live as of this recording um Zach writes I love chain restaurants but sometimes I worry if I make a big choice with seafood or other bolder entrees I'll regret not getting a safe burger or steak do you guys do anything similar or is it not a concern at all thanks stay safe my man I I think that you want to stick with the core items in any fast food restaurant I don't eat anything in mcdonald's that was introduced after I was born

well that's a that's a good rule see but we just talked about how Taco Bell is you kind of have a different rules are made to be broken as you know I'm a self-identified hypocrite it's true um that is very true I I feel like uh yeah it depends on the restaurant you know like uh if you're having some doubts about it you're like I should probably get that steak then you should probably go with the steak or burger I mean it's always a good option you're not going to get anything different in a steak or burger I feel like you might have like a really great time but you're like you know like if you go to chilies for instance where we went already you might want to try a big both burger but then there might be some chicken quesadilla that you

want to try and if you try the chicken quesadilla it may suck and you're like oh shit the burger would have been good so I feel like for me Jack are you saying this is already I'm rambling too much yeah I'm like I don't know what the fuck you're saying you're asking the question again you ask the question in a much longer way than zacko yama did for me I'd say stick with stick with the basics like jack said like uh if if it's the risk reward thing with everything in life jack you know like sometimes it's worth the risk and and sometimes you know that reward just isn't great enough so I think it's pretty simple first or early visit in your early relationship with a chain restaurant stick with the safe stuff once you've been there a few times you've experienced their

core menu if you want to go to you know you've had all of i-hop's signature dishes and you want to just decide to try their chicken fajitas for whatever reason go for it take a chance but recognize that you're taking a chance but initial visits your first time in a chain restaurant you're in you're staying in a different city and the only options are red robin get your core menu items uh you're less likely to have that end in disaster I think that's always if you're going to a city if you're going to a different city and you're at some place you say and you at this chain you never been to or whatever you say what is the thing to get here I always ask that question and then yeah you typically I know that when you go to restaurants you ask them what to get and then you

don't get it you never follow the advice of the waiter well it's good that jack's episode is over with you know what I think you know I'll say one final thing to zack um is that you know we live in America it's a capitalist country if you get the money you got the money get both throw the one you don't like in the garbage what a piece of shit uh guys I think this was a very productive episode of doe boys jack thank you so much for coming here thanks for having me yeah anytime you're gonna so much insight into uh how Mitch lives um uh jack uh where can people check you out um uh on the my twitter jack allison lol I prefer people don't check me out I am happy to have my job I don't give a fuck if people check me out guys you can check in with me I'll tell you how jack's doing

email me at jack allisonandgmail.com um yeah yeah email jack all right email jack directly if you if you want to check in with me swing by our barman help us take some garbage out should we say where we live yeah no no no no no don't say to come on oh goodness guys this one about uh is exactly as I expected um so uh that'll do it for this episode of doe boys uh until next time happy eating see you