Doughboys - The Hat with Betsy Sodaro and Mano Agapion (LIVE)

Episode Date: January 24, 2019

Betsy Sodaro and Mano Agapion, hosts of the podcast Horny 4 Horror, join the 'boys to review The Hat, a chain specializing in its pastrami-dipped sandwiches. Plus, a live edition of The Wiger Challenge. Recorded live at the Brea Improv. Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. On August 5th, 2003, the Fox Network premiered a TV drama that would become a pop culture sensation. Set in the Torrey Orange County community of Newport Beach, California, though for production reasons, actually filmed in the LA County city of Manhattan Beach. The glossy primetime soap chronicle, the romance and intrigue of two rich for their own good teenagers in parallel with storylines featuring their over-sex parents. The success of the OC led to a brief cultural fixation on the SoCal County.

In 2004, MTV debuted Laguna Beach, the real Orange County, a documentary-style reality series that was in fact heavily produced and semi-scripted. In 2006, the Real Housewives of Orange County launched the now-genreting of itself Real Housewives franchise. These shows, all centered on obscenely rich out-of-touch whites, led to a skewed perception of Orange County as non-clave for the super wealthy, a county-sized Beverly Hills. But the Real OC also includes working in middle-class communities and large Latin-X and Asian populations that were mostly erased from TV. And the Real OC also includes a food culture that isn't just the stuffy white tablecloth restaurants

and overpriced beachfront cafes frequented by Peter Gallagher and crew, but includes burgers, burritos, and bon mis, as well as pastrami. In 1951, a fast food joint opened that served a signature pastrami dipped sandwich that would become an OC favorite. Though, like the filming locations of the show, the OC, the original is actually located in LA County. Soon enough, they were outposted across county lines, serving various combinations of pastrami and their house chili and affordable prices to eager customers. Over the decades, the demographics of Orange County have evolved from a reliably conservative area that produced President Nixon into, as of the recent midterm election,

now having an entirely democratic congressional delegation. But 75 years since its founding, this beloved local pastrami chain continues pretty much just as it was in the 1950s. As for its name, it's as on the noses as it sounds. A nod to its logo, the traditional white cap that's adorned a chef's head for seemingly as long as restaurants have existed. Today, with 11 local locations, this so-cal original still slings dishes with pastrami, chili, and pastrami and chili to hungry residents across class lines of the area referred to as the OC. This week on Doe Boys, The Hat. Welcome to Doe Boys Live! How you doing, Brayah?

I never know what to do while a theme song is playing. I'm sort of like gently bobbing my head in the music. We guys, we've got a great show for you right now, but before we go any further, this roast is courtesy of Jesse in Atlanta. Let me introduce my co-host, Gorge Clooney, the Spoon Man Mike Mitchell! What's up, Brayah? I told Nick I had a surprise for him. So the surprise is Mitch came out with his hat backwards, but also wearing sunglasses. I'm wearing sunglasses, guys. I got an eye exam today. They dilated my pupils, and I couldn't see for a long time, Nick.

It was tough. I was driving around blind, basically. So I had to, because of the stage lights, I'm wearing the glasses tonight. What do you think? I mean, you look like a roadie for Great White, or like a porn casting director who's about to go to jail for a while. Do you really have to wear the glasses right now? Is that a pupil? No, I don't have to. But I'm gonna, right? Nick, how are you? I'm doing well. It's hump day.

It certainly is. It's hump day. We're here doing a show on a Wednesday night, a hump day audience out here. How about that? Anyone out there favorite day is Wednesday? No Wednesday partisans. Wow. Everyone's kind of tired halfway through the week. It's a rough day, but I'll take a Wednesday over a Tuesday. Yeah, sure. I think if I was gonna rank the days.

Oh, boy. This is what you guys bought tickets for. Look, they knew what they were getting into. Let's hear it. Saturday, right? Saturday one. Saturday's one. And again, you know, I'm someone who doesn't have to work on the weekends. I know people work on the weekends, if you do, that obviously skews your perception.

But I would say Saturday one, Friday two, even though that's a work day, you're looking forward to the weekend. Friday is big, yeah. I would say Sunday is three, because Sunday is good, and also it's the Lord's Day, which I like. You think that it's three because it's church day? No. Hey, that doesn't hurt it. All right. But you have Monday on the horizon looming, and so that makes it a Monday of dread. Monday stuff.

You don't like Monday now as a... I feel like you're a Monday guy. Everything about you screams Monday. You think I'm a reverse Garfield? I do think you're a reverse Garfield. I don't... I mean, like, I kind of like... I like the routine of getting up and going to do something if I have a job. But just like...

Were you in the audience and on the stage at the same time? Because you spilled something. No, I did not go into the audience to spill someone's drink. But, yeah, I mean, Monday is... And then after that, like, I feel like the... After the big three, the top days, I think, like, you know, whatever. Thursday, then maybe... Then maybe Wednesday, Tuesday, Monday.

Is that the order? Is Monday the worst? You're asking me like there's a correct answer to this? You don't have like a... Well, I mean, every day for you is the same. You're lying on your couch on your back, browsing your phone and petting your cats. It's heaven every day, baby. Nick, you and I got into a fight today.

We had a little bit of a rock... I mean, not like a physical fight. No, no, I would destroy you. I come out here wearing your skin. You're physically larger and stronger than me, but I'm... I'm canny. You always say this. You...

Canny's the wrong word. You think you're gonna like tie me up quick or something? We're not gonna do anything. I think I could out-hustle you. And I think you could out-smart you. That's bullshit. You're gonna put a pie with a piece of dynamite in it? Like, that's how dumb you think I am?

I'm not gonna murder you, but I was thinking more big net than dynamite. Big net? Yeah, I think like a pie on top of a big net. I feel like I could get you. You can't get me with a big net. Yeah, I probably couldn't get a net strong enough. Nick, we...

Nick and I... I told them I was gonna talk about this. It's resolved now, by the way. The speech... Yeah, okay. It's resolved. We had an interview call... A pre-interview call with Good Morning America.

They wanted the Doughboys to come on the show. We were doing the interview. This is about a week ago. Who do you think they thought we were? Like, what... I have no idea. That's a great question. They did...

Like, what did... What could you mistake Doughboys as? Do they think they were... Do they think we're the actual, like, Pillsbury Doughboy? Bruce Valanche and Paul Rubins on tour. That's all I think they probably thought we were. They looked at the cartoon iconography, and they just sort of tried to piece it together.

We were talking to the person from Good Morning America. It's going fine. They're like, do you have any, like, things you do with fast food at the holidays? I make something up on the spot. I've improvised for ten years. Nick has, too. Nah, I don't got anything.

You don't have anything? I didn't know you were lying to this man. Why not lie? Lie to him. For God's sake, just lie. Cravenly lie to this man? Oh, poor him. I said that I get a whopper on Christmas Day.

Who gives a shit? It doesn't matter. And then at the end of the phone call... You call yourself a good Catholic boy. You're telling your whopper story. You know what? In the eyes of the Lord, that's a whopper. On that Sunday, you love so much,

I ask for forgiveness, baby. That's how it works. I lied about my fast food habits so that I could have a chance to get on television. At the end of the call, Nick Wager goes, you know, besides all that, I just want to say,

I don't really know why, like, you want us to do this. And I was like, huh? Like, on the phone, I, like, even was like, what? And then she was... And he was like, yeah, like, there was no, like, audience crossover. It's like, completely not our audience. And I was like, well,

this is what I said. I said, well, it's weird that Nick said that. And then the call ended. Then... It didn't end abruptly. It ended on a nice note. Oh, sure. With a goodbye. He also, he did not address my question.

I still don't know what they want. Stop asking the fucking question! Well, you're just admitting you just lied to them? Yes! On this episode that's going to be released to everyone that this guy can listen to? After a good morning, America, baby, we're out of there with our money bags.

You think we're gonna get paid a lot of money for this? I don't think that's how morning shows work. Stop asking somebody questions. You fucking nerd. Just do it. And then, today, we get an email. Do you want to go on Good Morning, America, this coming Monday?

Wow, what fun, right? Nick, immediately, I can't do it. I couldn't. I had something on Monday, which I've rescheduled. I'm gonna get into what it was, but I had a... You had a podcast recording. I had a different podcast record, but it was previously scheduled.

And it... Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit about Good Morning, America? I don't care. We do, right, America? All these proud Americans out here. Just go on the damn show. Pretend you like doing something for once.

That's... I'm going to do... I agreed to do that. I rescheduled my prior obligation, but I had a legitimate reason why I couldn't do it. Oh, what a saint. You're doing, Mitch, such a favor. Fuck you. I am doing you a favor.

You're not doing me a favor. I'm doing you a favor. If they came to me and was like, hey, Nick, come on, Good Morning, America, I'd say, no thanks. That would be it. Why? What is the point of this?

What are we doing? I'm flying across. What is the point of this? What are we doing? I'm flying across the country for what? A $300 appearance fee? Guaranteed by SAG-AFTRA? Like the literal minimum amount

they can pay someone to be on television? It's for the podcast. How is it for the podcast? We'll say something funny. We'll talk about pies on Good Morning, America. It's fun. I still don't see what this is going to get us. I'm doing it because you want me to do it,

and I'm going to be a good sport about it. The first person I brought this up to was like, Nick is insane. I'm the only sane man in this crazy town. Brea? Yeah, in this crazy town of Brea. All right, well, whatever. Maybe we'll do it and probably we won't.

It's going to work out. Mitch, beyond our contentious text exchanges. And I couldn't see. That was the other thing, too. He was like, he was like, I'm not going to do it. And I was like, what the fuck? And then they dialed into my pupils, I couldn't see my phone anymore.

So I had to call Usong and tell them to text for me. Was Usong calling you an asshole over and over again? Yeah, he was just texting me, Wiger, that's trash. That is how I responded to him mostly. All right, well, whatever. It worked out fine. Let's talk about your dilation because you had to go the ENT today.

Yeah, a day-ranking and then my dilation experience. I had to go to the ENT today. You know what I found out? I found out the doctor told me I have a slightly deviated septum. And the doctor told me my nose is too small. He told me my nose is too small for my face. I'm looking at the proportions of your face. The thing is there's a lot of surface area there.

My head weighs like 45 pounds. Right. I have a big fat head. But yeah, no, the septum is a little deviated and my nose is too small. He said that I had the perfect nose. He said this. He said that you have the perfect nose. Well, then what's the problem?

No, he's saying like the look of it. He said that I have the perfect looking nose. Oh, aesthetically. Yeah, he took a picture of it. He put his hand down his pants. He started fucking jacking it. So he took a picture and then he jacked it to the picture in front of you. He didn't like do it.

He was strange. I was like, hey, you can take that picture anywhere you want to. He was like, I'm doing it right here. This is like a show of like dominance. I think so, yeah. That's weird. I mean, he should be in trouble with whoever licenses him. He was great.

He said I had a nice nose except deviated septum. It is an aesthetically nice nose. Thank you, Nick. You're a handsome man. It's a good looking schnauz. Oh, God damn it. That's what I wasn't trying to get from you, but I'll take it. And yeah, the dilated pupils was difficult.

I really couldn't see when I was driving. Right. It was scary. You couldn't see while you were driving? I could see, but I couldn't see that well. What were you doing? Get someone to drive you. Get an Uber or something.

I didn't know it would be that hard. Did anyone? I've never done that before. I haven't done it since I was a kid. I think they specifically say you're not supposed to drive to that appointment. You're supposed to get someone to pick you up. I'm not a guy who pays attention to all those rules, baby. My car was fine when I got home.

There were some stains on it. Yeah, a very long, interesting day for me, Nick. Right. And also with your craziness that I had to deal with. I was fine. We're here and we're having fun. Listen to you. And Mitch, you know what?

The fun is about to go up a notch. I introduced our guests. Yes. Yeah, our guests are great. They're actors and comedians. Their podcast is called Horny for Hor. Hold on a second. Howdy ho!

You forgot your drop. You forgot your drop. There we go. Did you know that I fucked it up? What's that? Did you know that I fucked up again? Did you forget your drop? Yeah.

No, I didn't. I didn't recognize that you did it. Hit him with a little drop, you song, or Emma. I mean, I like to characterize myself as something of a heat seeker. I like to think spicy. Okay. I like to think spicy. I'm a little bit heat seeker.

There's a lot of spicy food that's just like good. I mean, I like to characterize myself as something of a heat seeker. I like to think spicy. Okay. There it is. I'm not a heat seeker at all. You said you're not at the end of that? You said you're not a heat seeker at all at the end of that drop?

I mean, I don't think that's like incriminating. There's a good chance that was manipulated. Those are edited clips. Guys, we play drops at every live show. And without fail, it sucks. Yeah. Every single fucking time we do it. It brings the energy way down.

We look out into the crowd. We see everyone regretting the choice they made to be here tonight. It really is the moment where it hammers home. Like, okay, I charged my credit card for the cost of these tickets, plus like a service fee, plus whatever drinks I bought, and I'm sitting here watching two men in their thirties sit silently while an audio clip produced by a random person on the Internet plays over the PA.

Well, it's great that you really broke it down for them, too. It really is the moment where that hits home, I feel like, for the audience, and you really feel it. Yeah, yeah. I'm not even going to give credit to that person, because who gives a shit? I can't find it right now. And fuck you.

It's your fault. I blame you now. It's your fault. Whoever it was. Shampooodler, whoever the fuck it is. Let's blame Shampooodler. Yeah, fuck Shampooodler. Hey, Mitch.

Let's bring out our guests. Now let's introduce our guests. I started their end show. Are there actors and comedians? Their podcast is called Horny For Horror. Please give it up for Mano Agapien and Betsy Sedaro. Do you think you're fair or wrong? Do you think you're fair or wrong?

Yes, Alice DJ. Guys, remember Alice DJ? I've heard that song a number of times. I've never known who the artist was. So there you go. Alice DJ. She created one album in the 90s called Who Needs Guitars Anyway.

Really? Yeah, it's a great album. It was a fantastic album. It was a triumphant music. That's a big fuck you to guitarists everywhere. Yeah. Slash must be pissed. Yeah, her and Slash hate one another notoriously.

She's got a feud with Buckethead, I'm sure. That sounds like an artist, yes. Joe Satriani is probably losing his shit. He has him too. Keep going. Stay by must be livid. You don't listen to music while you have an encyclopedia of knowledge of guitar players.

Right off the top of your head, Nick, huh? Kirk Hammett must be losing his mind. All right, fair enough. Good for you. Dimebag Darrell must be rolling over in his grave. Oh, you know dead ones too. That's right. Awesome.

Guys, thank you for being here. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. Guys, I gotta say, the restaurant we chose today, it made me feel like shit. It's a heavy meal. It's a very heavy meal. We're going to get to that in a second.

What is the average age of death in Brea? So like 43 years old? Yeah, I'm definitely feeling very lethargic. Especially as a pre-showman. Did anyone go pre-show? Did anyone go just before the show by applause? Wow, right. A number of people.

How are you feeling right now? Are we hanging in there? Yeah, yeah. I re-ed before the show. And it's like, the tough thing with Rhea is like, you can't tell if it's... You can't give Diarrhea a cute nickname. Oh, man. You guys didn't grow up in a household?

Were they affectionately called it Rhea? No. No. Okay. No, for me, that was just Carla on Cheers. That's right. Rhea Perlman. That's right.

Well, me and Betsy affectionately call it Rhea in our household. I don't want to know that. Okay. Anyway, I re-ed and I couldn't tell if it was from that or from some other poison I ate. Right. You never know the exact timeline, but sometimes it does feel like it's just you're getting a little jet fuel in there to get everything started. Yes.

It's rough. I mean, it's rough. We'll get to that in a second. We'll get back to the shit. Don't worry. We'll get back to it. We have diarrhea talk for everyone or anyone out there enjoying some mozzarella sticks or some chicken fingers.

We'll return to the diarrhea in a second. Good idea to come here for the diarrhea talk. Before we get to that, you guys are telling me backstage about a cooperative game for the Nintendo Switch that is food themed called Overcooked. I want to hear a little bit about Overcooked. Yes. Does anyone play Overcooked? Hell yeah.

It's like. Hell yeah. It's like. Well, it's a game where you play cooks and you have to like chop. You have to make soup, a winter stew. Wow. You like fire up turkeys with a blow torch. Yes.

That's fun. It's a great game and it's really all about teamwork. That's right. Right? That's right. We've had moments where it relied on a lot of extra communication because you got to be like, I need to clean plate. I need to clean plate right now.

I'm working on it. I'm working on it. I'm chopping an onion for your fucking soup, man. And I see that you're doing that now after you do that. May I also have a tomato? If I could. I'm working on it. I'm washing the fucking dish that you wanted before.

So yes. So it's a lot of that. Right. Last night we ended on a very bad note. I was going to say this seems like it might be tearing you guys apart. Yeah. It seems like it's getting intense. No, because the highs are fucking high, man.

Like when you're doing good at a level, you're like, oh fuck, I know how to run a kitchen now. Right. Like I could win a Gordon Ramsay show or something. Uh-huh. It keeps you honest. You got to know how to run a kitchen. You got to know how to communicate.

Yeah. And you know how to, you got to know how to give more. Even when you think you're at your wit's end. It's kind of misleading. It's kind of like when you're playing guitar hero and you're like really shredding. You're like, oh man, I am a regular Jerry Cantrell. Jesus. But then you realize you can't actually play the guitar.

It's like an abstraction. Yeah. It's a different sort of, you know, it's a different thing. But yeah, those co-op games can be so, so fun. But man, I, years ago in college, when I played them with my roommate, we'd get very, very frustrated at each other. Things would get very condensious. I imagine if me and Mitch, I imagine if we tried to play this game.

Yeah. I mean, it feels, I mean, I think we're both good at video games. We need just the slightest excuse to kill each other. We would, but we would, something would go wrong and we would murder each other. Yeah. This is going to sound harsh, but I feel like you'd be bad at it, Mitch. What the fuck? Oh, shit.

Man, oh, why? What? I, I think you would get frustrated quickly. That you'd be licking the screen and not tasting anything? I mean, it's the food. Licking the screen? What's the matter? I'm not getting full.

You know, you're saying like some of your catchphrase is like me hungry still. I can't, I can't make myself a meal. So I can't do it in video game world. If I, if I, if I, I have to make myself something before I'm going to do it on in video game world. You couldn't, like you didn't whip up any dishes in like a Zelda. I know you asshole. I knew you were going to bring that up.

I'm just saying the skill, you have the skills that you could do it in the video game world. I think you absolutely could. Oh, thanks. You think I could make a meal in the video game world? I think you could do it in the real world. Oh, that's so nice of you. I think you could do it in the real world if you applied yourself. You have a very, you have a nice kitchen.

You have a, you have a nice stove. You have a, you have enough kitchen, a counter space. You could whip up some dishes if you applied it. You know what? You have whipped up some good dishes. I'm going to make a fucking wager pot pie, baby. You're going to bake me into a pie? That's right.

Brother's grim fairy tale? I thought you were talking about the bomb pie you're going to make for Mitch. And we, it turned into a net. We, we abandoned the dynamite. Oh, okay. So we will fail at good morning, Merrick. I want that to be clear. It's going to be terrible.

It's going to be awesome. It'll be great. They're going to be, they're going to start and the first interview question will be, who are you and why are you here? We won't have a good answer. That's why I wanted to go over it in the pre-interview. And, and then I don't know, we'll taste test some shit probably. I don't, who knows what's going to happen by the time this episode.

Yeah, go on. I hope you guys get in a huge fight. Yeah. We will on, cause we'll have to be sitting next to each other for two trans continental flights in short succession. So yeah, something's going to happen. They filmed that like on a second floor, right? Cause I want to see you throw a mesh through a window.

You're going to send us right over to catch a predator fucking department. Yeah, you guys show up with a bunch of Mike's heart lemonade. You have to be at the wrong show. No, we like to drink these. Where's Kayla? We were chatting online. No, I was going to drink the beer in front of her. I was going to show her what she shouldn't do.

Um, so beyond, uh, uh, beyond Nintendo switch, uh, I'm curious, cause we're down here in the OC, Orange County. I'm from Southern California. Wow. I'm a classic SoCal surfer dude. I've spent a lot of time at OC. Thank you. Uh, and, uh.

I got a question for you. What makes you think you're SoCal, SoCal surfer dude? Yeah, cause I mean Mitch is looking like it right now. Yeah. You are. And he is a surf board that would probably break in two underneath my weight. Wiger, Wiger, first of all, you're not a surfer. No.

You're not a dude. I'm a, I'm a dude. You're a man. I'm a man. You're not a dude. I'm a dude. And I guess the SoCal, the Southern SoCal thing is true. Yeah.

So it all adds up. No, you didn't listen to me. Two thirds of it doesn't add up. Look, it's an identity, it's a cultural identity more so than like, and like, oh, I'm literally a guy who goes on a surf board and says, dude, it's more like, that's who I am. Like the sort of my vibe. No. I think it's pretty obvious.

You get mad at me all the time. You're not laid back. You don't know how to inhale marijuana. All right. Look, that's, I don't think that's a deal breaker. I would say, I think you're more of a man than a dude. Okay. Based on how you performed in the Power Hour recently.

That was all man. There wasn't a lot of dude there that day. Right. I felt like a boy doing that. We did this thing and this was an episode of John Gabriel's podcast, High and Mighty. Mano and Betsy and I were all there. Mitch could not do the show because he was in Quincy for four weeks for Thanksgiving. And we drank on Thanksgiving Eve.

We drank a shot of beer a minute for 60 minutes. And you deteriorated. I deteriorated very quickly. It was rough. Like a Mormon tween. You were toast. Right. Like after two shots, you were like, this is beer.

It was rough. And I'm not someone who, you know, I enjoy an alcoholic drink, but having that much liquid in that short amount of time tore me up. How did you guys feel afterwards? I felt pretty, all right. I know we were having fun. It was having fun. Yeah, it was having a blast.

It was just tough. We walked home in the rain. Yeah. Whoa. It was fun. We didn't think it would be raining and then it just started pouring on us. It's okay. It's not a thing that happens often in LA.

No. No. You were fine though? Yeah. And then we played overcooked. It's a good night. It's a good night. Weigert texted me.

I was in Quincy, my hometown, and he texted me. He texted me. He said, I just did the power hour. I was like, how many beers did you drink? And he's like, I had six. And I was at a bar in Quincy and I looked on the table and I had had eight beers within the hour. So I was like, I didn't even, I wasn't even trying to do the power hour.

I did more than you did. And I was having a blast. You try to tar me as some sort of functional alcoholic as some guy who like, you know, is always drinking. And clearly you can consume more of it. I know. It's crazy that you're an alcoholic and you're so bad at it. Right.

Yeah. I don't need a lot to get lit, but that was, that was rough. That was a rough night. But I'm curious, have you guys, have you guys, who aren't so CalNatives, have you spent much time down here in Orange County? And do you have any impressions or is this, is this a rare visit to the county south of LA? I got, I got, I got one critique.

Where the fucking orange is Orange County? Where the fuck are the orange trees? Yeah. You fucking liar. Yeah. You lying sacks of shit. Yeah. What the fuck?

I know this isn't a good idea. You fucking idiots. They're going to be so mad at us. Fuck you. You beating the shit. All I see is fucking lemon trees. Where are, where are the orange? Is there orange groves nearby?

I mean, they're, they're gone. They're gone. They're used today. Poor strawberries. Oh, Disneyland was an orange grove. Disneyland was an orange grove? Oh, that's sad. Wow.

That's fucked up. Yeah. Wow. They should have just done orange land. That would have had the same appeal, right? Just made it orange themed. Yeah. Orange mouse.

Come over to Orange Mountain. The haunted orange. That would have been much better. Is that, is it, is it with soaring California? Is that when you get the smell, the smell of oranges? Is that what it is? It's no longer soaring California. What is it soaring of the world?

Soaring the world. Soaring the, soaring the world? Yeah. That's fucking, that's trash. I don't want, I want to see California. Yeah. That's California adventure. Yeah.

I know. All right. What do you guys want to have cut to? We got to go and do an emergency soaring California trip right now. Okay. I tried to fix it. Yeah, we could, we could try to fix it together. We're going to take a crash course in imaginary and retrofit this ride on the down low.

I did not know that. That's sad. Yeah. Is there still the orange scent or no? No. No orange scent anymore? That's crazy. Oh my God.

That sucks. No, they spray a shit scent. That's not to say. You fly over New York City and blast you with shit. There's one guy. Hey. Hey, fuck you. I'm so like shit fucking.

Then you fly over Shanghai and you just get poisoned. It's really great. But I haven't been here. I haven't really been here much except for Disney. Except for Disney. Let's talk Disneyland. What do you like as Disney parks? Are there Disney fans out here?

Some Disney people, some fans of the House of Mouse. Are there any like, are there any like, God. The House of Mouse. Is that what he said? Okay. You don't work for Disney. You don't have to say that if you don't want to. Continue to say it.

Sorry. Trying to get a job writing for Variety. I'm going to start working some of those phrases in there. Mitch, you're a Disney fan. I'm a big Disney fan. Yeah. So what is your park? What are your park?

You're a man of routine. What are your park go-tos when you come down to Disneyland? I don't know if anyone's ever called me that before. You are a man who you get fixated on things. You're like, we're going to here. We have to do this. Okay. It's not a compliment.

It's an insult. I think it's an app description with no judgment. Oh, sure. When I get there, this is what I do. Check it out. Well, first of all, I get a Max Pass for any of you who have never done that. Did Max Pass? He knows what I'm talking about.

I get the Max Pass and I do either Star Wars, Star Tours, or Space Mountain. And then I go on the Buzz Lightyear ride immediately. That's my first few stops. You go to Star Tours first? I go to Star Tours first because it's close. I bang a right as soon as I get in there. And I get on the Buzz Lightyear and I'm having fun. I shoot at things with old children.

I don't know. I have a hard time falling in love with Star Tours. Yeah, it makes me sick. Oh, yeah. If you get the motion sickness from the 3D, then that's an issue, yeah. Yeah, I just feel like a Sid's baby just getting shaken. Oh my God. I just feel like I'm getting shaken by a nanny who wants me to expire.

That's what I feel like. Oh my God. Holy shit. Very relatable content. Yeah, I don't love Star Tours. It makes me sad to think a baby could survive Star Tours. Couldn't a baby survive Star Tours? That's what make you sad?

The idea that a baby can't ride Star Tours? What would they think was happening? They'd be so confused. They'd be terrified. Yeah, it would mess them up forever. I bet you a lot of babies would go on there and be laughing the entire time. I like Star Tours. There was a point where I was skeptical about the branching paths,

but now I'm on board with the branching paths. I like that you can sometimes end up at Kashik or Naboo. It's fun to go to a different planet sometimes. Yes, all of us want to go and see Unkar Plutt. What is the junk planet that he lives on? Jakku. I forgot. It's so bad. I made fun of it for two years. It's not a great planet.

I think they could have gotten more creative with that one. What, Jakku? Yeah, it's just tattooing. It's just a less interesting tattooing. Star Wars Land is opening up, right? It's on the horizon. Do you care at all about this? Are you a Disney guy?

Yeah, I like going to Disneyland. It's fun. I have a great time. I have a great time. I like to ride. I like to ride Space Mountain. I like to ride Big Thunder. I wish you'd just left it at that. I like to ride. I like to ride. I like to ride.

I enjoy amusement. That is all, man. No, there's lots of good rides in there. I like the theming there. I used to go to Magic Mountain, which is a Six Flags in SoCal for funny listeners who aren't from around here. For me, you get to the edges of the park

and they just chain link fence with barbed wire at the top and then to the high desert on the other side. I'm just looking at the highway. I don't feel like I'm transported to a mystical land, but in Disneyland, I always feel like I'm somewhere else. I think that's part of the fun of it. Six Flags is basically juvie. Right.

Based on how many teens have bullied me there. Yeah, I don't feel safe there. Yeah, there is that ride, the whole. Which is just my head in a toilet. You got a swirly from a bunch of teens? Absolutely. You got swirlyed before? When I was really young, yes.

You know what happened to me? Wu Tang, my friend Wu Tang, he put a kick me sign on my back and it fucking worked. I got kicked by like five people in the hallway and I was like, what the fuck is everyone kicking me for? And then that's when I finally said, a fucking kick me.

It was like 1950. It was insane. I got kicked like right in the air and they kicked me fucking right in the ass. Same spot every time. I mean, in all fairness, you got a lot of real estate on your back. This is probably a pretty big sign.

You could handle one of those sign boards that they put on someone to sell sandwiches, like back in the 1930s. And why do I feel like Wu Tang is not a person of color? He is. Oh, wow. He is. You picked the wrong one, my friend.

You had a one of 14 chance to bitch a circle of friends. I just couldn't imagine why someone would do that to themselves unless they were like, I need to give myself credit right now. I thought it was hilarious. I thought it was, I mean, after the fact, it was very funny. So people were, people saw kick me, they saw you walking by and they're just like,

all right, I'll do that. And they just kicked you. Yeah, I just put them in the ass. They kicked me in the ass. Those old school friends are crazy. I gotta say, I would have. I probably would have. This is pretty funny.

I gotta add on to it. When I pulled it off, I did not blame a single soul. I swear. Because that's what you're gonna do when you see the kick me sign. I was more mad at me for not noticing it, really. Yeah, that is on you. Yeah. Do you, you know what?

The old school prank that always freaked me out is the hot foot. Oh man. The match in your foot. You put a match in someone's shoe. Has that been done to you? It's never been done to me, but just the idea that it ever existed. I've had it done to me before.

Oh my God, really? My friend Glenn, he would do it with, he would, he would, he would take a lighter fluid. Hold on, your friend Glenn? Yeah. Okay. Something's not adding up here. I have some feelings.

His name is Matt Glenn. It's his last name. Okay, okay. Yeah, he actually, that is, that's the least nickname he won. But he would, he would, he would take lighter fluid and just, you wouldn't notice and he just dosed your sneaker in it. Oh my God. And then, and then he would light it and your foot would be on fire.

And what's he, what's Glenn up to now? Is he an astronaut? He's a union guy. He's going to, I would not make fun of him. Is Glenn going to beat me to death when I go to Quincy? A thousand percent. All right. He really would.

He's a great guy. Did you guys ever do those like match fights where you would like light matches and then throw them at each other? Yes. And like you would each would have a box that you could just strike. Yes. And you would just throw matches at each other. Oh my God. You did it.

Yes. I did it every night before bed. Just to warm up the house a little bit, you know. Nick, you didn't get into any trouble in high school, did you? No, I wasn't. I was not doing any of those high jinks. I was, what's the expression? What am I trying to say?

Driving straight and flying up? That's not what it is. What is the expression? I think it's flying straight. Flying straight and. On the up and up? There's something like that. Is that a flying car in high school?

No, I didn't have a flying car. No, I was on the straight and narrow. I think that's what I was trying to say. There you go. Straight and narrow. Straight and narrow. For the most part. I mean, I was involved with some deviant behavior.

Sure. Did you guys ever get in trouble like at school? Like any sort of in school suspension or anything like that? Yeah, I got busted. Yeah. What would you get busted for? Jesus Christ. Why are you, why do you have a map that goes to the clock tower?

No, I'm trying to remember specific offenses. Did you get in trouble? Yeah, I'm trying to think of what happened. I got in trouble for dirty mad libs once. Oh, yeah. Me and a friend. The real rebel. Me and a friend were doing, we're doing dirty mad libs.

But this is the thing, the teacher picked them out of the trash. We crumpled them up and threw them in the trash and the teacher like took it out, uncrumpled it and saw a bunch of cusses. That's bullshit. And then just accused my friend. And then she just accused me. She said, only I did it. So I was like, like it's one thing to say, like we both did it.

That's when you turned on friends forever. I turned on her. Yeah, yeah, exactly. This concept does not work for me. So yeah, it was like a whole thing. And I think neither of us got in trouble because it was just like, it was like a prisoner's dilemma and the teacher was just like, don't do that again. Right.

I fell asleep in my first period class and there was a weird teacher and he was like, let him sleep. And then I woke up like two periods later. I remember I woke up with a drool stain and I looked over and I was like, there was like a random student sitting there and I was like, what the fuck? I slept through classes. I just slept in there. That's the most trouble I caused.

My mom was a teacher. So if I acted up, no breastfeeding. Good God. What is happening? It's a perk of going to school with your mom. Jesus Christ. Oh my God. You know my story.

Oh, yours is very funny. It's pretty filthy. But I was getting bullied in middle school for being fat and gay, which is ridiculous. And I always joke I was fat and gay and I had to pick one because both was too much. But basically I was bullying. Some girl was being an asshole to me. So I was being an asshole to her. And I thought the only way to combat this behavior was by saying every bad cuss word

I could think of in a sentence. Wow. Even if it didn't make sense. So I told her. I was like, I hope your dyke moms suck each other's cocks. It didn't make any sense. She did not have two mothers. I was just saying every cuss word I could possibly say.

And then I got in trouble because I had to go to the principal's office the next day and she had a list of cuss words and she was like, which of these words have you said? And I'd said all of them. It was awful and I had to say them out loud again. You had to say the sentence again? Yes. Jesus Christ. Just so I could feel like extra shame.

It worked. You hadn't picked on though. That's not fair. Yeah, I know. But they don't care. Yeah, that's always the thing. I feel like people get in trouble for retaliating for something. You said retaliating, straight.

I was just going to say retaliation. Bullying is bad, but you fucking idiot. I was going to say retaliation. And then I opted for retaliating. Retaliating. Retaliating. But the emphasis is different on those words. Retaliating.

Yeah, it's hard to switch mid. Look, I fucked up. I'll take the blame for it. Okay. Betsy. I got in trouble often just for being loud and talking. So I was very much the kid who had to sit in the hall for most of class. Pretty much from elementary school through high school.

Yeah. Because your dad taught at your school. Yeah, my dad was my eighth grade English teacher. Whoa. We got the same thing. Yeah. Really? Yeah.

My mom was at, well, she wasn't my teacher, but she was taught at my high school. Yeah. Sucked. It was terrible. And it was during like in eighth grade, that's when I was the biggest asshole in my life, you know, because I was trying so hard to be cool. But guys, that just doesn't work. It doesn't work.

You guys just be yourself right now. You got to be yourself. You got to be yourself. You got to be yourself. You know. But I was such an asshole. And there were a lot of times where my dad would make me write 500 times. I will not talk in class.

Oh, man. And he would make me do it at home. Wow. And he'd like do it right now. And I was like, oh, shit, man. That's brutal. Yeah. Hey, Nick, favorite school lunch now that we're on the topic.

Ooh. Ooh, that's a good question. Nasty. I have an answer. We're talking brought from home. Oh. I will tell you. Is that what you're saying?

I was going to say school lunch and like a school. Oh, so the cafeteria. Yeah. I've said it before on the podcast. For years at my elementary school, had a great chicken fried steak. And everyone loved Riley Elementary School in Lakewood, California. Everyone loved the chicken fried steak. And that was a home run.

But I would say in general, I would say probably a pizza. Like you get some sort of some sort of personal pizza or French bread pizza. I think that's ideal. And that's even like shitty, like truly shitty school pizza is such a treat for a kid. Yes. And I'd be so excited to have it. I got an answer. I got an applause after this.

Okay. That's the thing that you don't get enough of now in as an adult. American chop suey. Hold for the applause. What the hell? Where are you guys? What? What the hell are you talking about?

I think it's a regional thing. Wait. That's not a real. That's not a thing. No one knows what it is. No. I think. What is it?

Is this a nightmare? Yeah, Mitch. You're having a dream where you're you're you're dressed like a shock jock. It's one of those dreams where everything's going great and it turns on. Everyone hold your ears because this applause is going to be deafening for American chop suey. I'm Googling it. While you do that, I'll say mine is that orange hexagon of Mexican pizza. It was like a greasy pizza.

Pizza that I don't know. I don't even know what made it Mexican. You'd have like some some. It's basically like they throw like taco meat on there. Exactly. Right. Taco meat and cheese. That would be fun.

Yeah. Pepperoni dip sticks. Oh yeah. Those. Those were the shit. The hilarious sounding. Yeah. Guys, I got a backstage text from Emma.

Love American chop suey. What is it? What is it? What is it? It's a regional thing because she's from New Hampshire. You're from Massachusetts. So that's what it is. It's an American pasta dish popular in New England.

It's related to other popular similarly regional pasta dishes like American goulash and even chili mac. Some guy got turned off by it. Yeah. Big time. It just made me burp. Like one of those bad burps. Oh, like an egg burp.

So far tonight, you've made the audience listen to a wave file and also made them listen to you read a Wikipedia entry verbatim. That's what your intros are. I do. I polish the language. Oh. You get an encyclopedia Britannica out and look up some shit. I copy paste and then I use a thesaurus.

Thesaurus.com. You guys mentioned, you touched on this. You guys are roommates. You live together. You live together for a little bit. Do your eating habits line up? Or you kind of do your own thing? I think we do our own thing.

Yeah, we do our own thing. But there are a lot of nights where it's like, hey. Frozen pizza. Or something else. Frozen pizza is the perfect food. Oh, it's so good. Yeah. We're on a big cauliflower crust pizza.

Pretty well. Give them a whirl. It works pretty well. They're really good. They're so good. And they're really, really good for you. Oh, my God. They're so healthy for you.

Yeah. I think it's better than a salad. I think it's like healthier than a salad. Yeah. Yeah, it's not. You can eat a whole one and it's not. It's not. It's really great and you run faster.

And like, I don't know. Breathe better. You breathe better. Do you guys tell you eat the pizza and you're like, we should test our running. Yeah, man. I got a question for you. This is a tough one.

Do you ever eat each other's leftovers or food and get mad at each other? Good question. That's a tough roommate thing. Wow. Yeah. We have healthy boundaries. Yeah, we have some good.

Eating someone else's leftovers to me is fucked up. That's fucked up. That is a crime you can't come back from. It's really bad. Yeah. Whose leftovers have you eaten? I've never eaten any. Whoa, what the fuck?

Yeah, bitch, what the fuck? I don't eat any of those leftovers. Oh, really? Well, we've got Matt Koalik here to say something differently. There's no way in hell you broke down here with Koalik in the car. You push him out after mile two. I even think we're too polite. Like sometimes when you order pizza, right?

That's a hard one. We still share the cold pizza. That's hard to do. You're like, do you? I guess there have been a few times where it is like, oh, yes, there's pizza, but then it's been eaten. And it's like, ah, shoot. Yeah.

All right. That's fine. We have a pretty, it's pretty safe. So sometimes you'll share groceries. Like, no, no. Okay. All right. You know what?

I was on a date in college in Ithaca. Very cool. Oh, shit. And this girl was like, I'm going to come over. I was like, all right. She came over and then she was there and she was, and she brought three friends. And I was like, oh, I had a rose and a tuxedo on.

And we were hanging out and talking and hanging out. And then at the end of the night, I found out that her friend ate all my bagels. She had one friend ate three bagels. In one night? In one night. She ate all three of the fucking bagels. Was she like super hammered and is like, I just need bread.

I think, yes. Yeah. So much bread. And by the way, this was the best date I ever won on Ithaca. The best date of my time in college. Why? I'm still confused why you had the bagels with you in the date. They went to his house.

They came over to my house. We brought the girl home. Which also, by the way, smooth. Want to go on a date to my house? But then want to bring three of your friends? I know. It was a fucking mess. Well, that was her calling an audible.

She was like, yeah, I'll bring some people. And then she, like, what was the three, like, did you do? Three onion bagels, by the way. Three onion bagels. Was she putting cream cheese on those? Some butter? She might have. Who knows?

I just, I got back to the bag and she said, I ate your bagels. You think she was eating three untoasted whole bagels with that thing on them? Can you imagine? Like, how insane would that be? I don't even think she fucking chewed the things, man. They just went down. Can you reprise your performance of you trying to pretend it's okay that she ate the bagels? Yeah, I'll be her.

Okay. Yes. Hey, well. Oh. I wasn't going to eat those anyway. Good night to you all. One kiss before you go. What, are you asking the bagel lady?

So you became a Dickens ghost. Three onion bagels were eaten. Yeah, that night I had to go like to a miserly old man to teach him a lesson. I should have asked the bagel. It seems like her, she and I have a lot more in common. Yeah. Yeah. That might have worked out.

Well, let's get into the hat. So you found it in 1951. I would say like you go there and the, you know, the aesthetic seems kind of frozen in time. That retro neon sign, regardless of when this individual location was built because they were all built at different times at like, it looks very fifties. I said, it looks like a Cohen Brothers movie. It does. Like it either looks like you're going to have a nice little kind of fun quirky meal

or someone's going to get their brains blown out like Mano said against the glass or something. Right. Yeah. It's very strange in between where I don't know what it is, but I love, I love the look of it. Yeah. It looks like there could be a brutal homicide there involving a claw hammer. Yeah.

Yeah. Like the wood paneling inside is great. It's Christmas themed at the moment. We're recording this in early December and they've really got that done up. This particular location. This podcast is going to come out in 2020. Yeah. It's bright.

It's bright. But not a bad bright. No, I like it. It's very welcoming. Bright. Very, very bright. Absolutely. My pupils were growing nuts in there.

They were just going every which way. It reminded me of like where in the movies it feels like football teams go to hang out after a game. Oh, right. You know, there's one dude working in the kitchen and they're all like, hey, dad. Yeah. You know, like it felt like that. A guy named Mac and then, you know, all the lights go off, but he's still cleaning and

he's like proud about it. Yeah. And then he throws the rag. Yes. The rag over his shoulder. And then he looks at the, you know, the gun that he keeps underneath the calendar. And then he pulls it out and he puts it in his mouth and he's like, pulls it out. He's like, not today, man.

One more day. Yeah. That's what made me think of. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. My football team, we went to Pizza Hut, Nick. That was where we had our pre football game dinners and players, players would dare me to steal slices off other empty tables. Wow. Left over slices they dared me to go take. And then I also remember a student fought a dad. Whoa.

That's crazy. It's always insane when you see, like I saw like a young man beat up an old man. That's so. That sucks. God, that's my nightmare. Yeah. Oh, I can't wait for it to happen to you someday. You'll be just getting fucking creamed by like a 15 year old boy.

When you were like, when you were like 55. Just getting fucking destroyed. Those are those so fucked up to see an old dude beat the shit out of a young dude. Yeah. I guess fighting's fucked up. What am I saying? Fighting's fucked up. That's maybe the common thread there.

Yeah. Yeah. Physical violence. But I also almost kind of like when an older dude beats up a younger, not too young, but like, if he beats up like a 17 year old kid, I'm like, that's kind of cool, right? Puts a young punk in place. The reason those Clint Eastwood movies and those Charles Bronson movies appeal to people are kind of fantasies of just like an old timer being like, yeah, get revenge on a younger generation.

It's going to happen to you, Nick. I can't wait for it to happen. You think I'm going to get the shit beaten out of me by a child at some point? A thousand percent. What? I don't know. I don't think I'm... Someone's going to be selling like candy bars outside of like a grocery store.

You're going to be like, are you going to have like a... Do you have a license for that? And then they're just going to fucking beat this shit out of you. You're going to be holding your Charmin like fucking... You're going to be holding Charmin toilet paper in front of your face. Charmin? I'm not going to narc out on a young kid trying to sell something. I'm going to let him go about his business.

Makes you think I'm going to fucking alert the fuzz about... Like I'm a white woman videotaping a black kid doing something. That's not my disposition at all. Those aren't my politics. Yeah, you know what? We can agree. I don't have my phone, but if I do... But yeah, I live in terror of that, but I did enjoy...

Okay. I did enjoy the hat. I will say that this reminds me there's a... There's an individual restaurant up in Culver City, California called Johnny's Pastrami, which is very much reminded me of the Pastrami dip sandwich they have is very close to it. All the chili they have is very similar. There's a lot of these kinds of restaurants in Southern California. Pastrami's kind of become a thing out here, or it kind of became a thing out here many, many years ago.

Yeah, why? Is this the Pastrami capital? I never knew this, but I feel like... Obviously, I feel like cats are like a Jewish deli in New York. I always think of Pastrami. There's a large Jewish population in LA. The Boyle Heights neighborhood in particular, I think, is responsible for a few decades and decades ago. In the early 20th century, it's responsible for popularizing Pastrami around here.

So yeah, there's a lot of Pastrami restaurants in SoCal. You'll run into them. And I got the Pastrami dip, which is there... It comes in a roll. By the way, I should say, I think I appropriately ate at this place because I had to be here for tech rehearsal. You guys went a little later. So I went on my own, and it felt like the kind of place where it was useful to have the experience of being a sad man eating by myself. Because I think that is a lot of their clientele.

I think there's a lot of people go here when they're just like, like, fuck. But I think that's indicative. And then they just want to eat a bunch of shitty food. I think it's indicative of the time you went. Right. You went in that sad window between lunch and dinner. Absolutely. No, this is the time when you don't need a meal.

Right. And we were there at dinner proper, and it was like, pretty pat. Yeah, it was cute. There were definitely people there. It was not a long line to wait in, but there were a number of customers there. I was by myself, I got the pastrami dip, which comes on a roll. Did you guys get the pastrami dip as well? We got two of them.

Yes. And so it's a substantial sandwich. And it's loaded with pastrami. They've also got some pickles and some just plain yellow mustard on there. But I really like it. The pastrami is good quality. It's fatty in a good way. There's a ton of it.

It's a good proportion with that bread. I like if you get that nice buttered roll, that toasted roll. I like that over the pastrami on rye. Yeah. Because sometimes when it's pastrami on rye, you feel like you're chewing clay or something. Right. Yes. Like it gets so just like, hard to chew.

Yeah. This one though. It's baby food, baby. And I don't even like mustard or pickles, but it was one of those things where it was like altogether this is working for me. Yes, absolutely. Because it just, yeah. Did you put any of the aju on there, Nick, or no?

No. I didn't get the side of the aju. I was just sort of like going for it, just digging in. All right. We put a little aju on there. Aju is key. Enhance it a little bit. I want to say that that sandwich fucking rules.

That sandwich is very, very good. It's a great sandwich. It's really, really good. And then also you eat the sandwich and you look down at your plate where you just ate the sandwich and there's more than enough pastrami that has fallen to make another sandwich. There's so much. It's packed up. There's so much pastrami.

Yes. I love it. It's how much is on there. Yeah. It's crazy. It was so good. It was so good. Now, but the gravy, the gravy, that was, I hate to blow up, their spot, but the gravy was...

Did you get gravy fries? Is that what you got? No. We got ourselves the roast beef sandwich. Yes. Oh, interesting. And that came with aju or with gravy. And naturally we got both.

We got both. We were like, what should we do? The guy's like, both. We're like, yeah, sure, of course. Yeah, all right. Describe the gravy for me. It was almost like a thick Thanksgiving gravy. No, I'm going to call it hospital gravy.

I felt like I was on my deathbed being spooned gravy. Yeah. I'm really dark today. But no, I was pretty upset because everything else was so good. And the aju is just so on the market. It was just a very thick gelatin. I feel like you would love it actually, Waggon. Really?

You can scoop that shit up like ice cream. I'm a gravy fan. I mean, I probably enjoy it. Mayo and gravy have both separately been your favorite foods? Yeah. Mayo, gravy. What is it right now? Salt?

That's a good question. What is my favorite food right now? Oh, boy. And you can't say a food instead of a sauce. Okay. Ah, fuck. We'll stay silent until we get something. No, I'm not.

I'm going to say a banana. Oh. Hey, banana. It's very good. A banana. You know that? A banana is your favorite food? Well, because, yeah.

It doesn't even work. What's your favorite food? A banana. It doesn't even work. Okay, bananas. Bananas. Bananas. Blurl.

I like bananas. You like minions. I didn't say like the banana. I said, I said I like bananas like a person would eat. It's not because of my fandom for Stewart and Bob and Kevin and the gang that I like them, though that doesn't hurt. It's a great snack. And also it works well if you combine it with peanut butter or something.

You can have it on its own. It's great. You can combine it with stuff. It's great. It's great as desserts. So good. Banana pudding, a banana cream pie. It's delightful.

All right. All right. Fuck you. So you guys got the roast beef and gravy. What other sandwiches did you get? We, that was it. We just got three. Oh no, that's not it.

Oh shit. Mano was, he was very, very excited to try once. I'll let you go into it. Oh yeah. I was like, I saw one video of their grilled cheese and I was like, I have to eat this grilled cheese. It was awesome. I got the grilled cheese too.

It was so good. I will say that might have been my favorite bite of the whole thing. Me too. It's so fucking good. Me too. Great grilled cheese. What are you talking about? Grilled cheese is the best bite.

It's a really, it's a great pastrami sandwich. I love the pastrami sandwich, but that grilled cheese sandwich was so well executed. It was on sourdough bread, perfectly grilled, loaded up with great, melty American cheese. It was so, so satisfying and so like perfectly like just a little bite, just like biting into a memory. Yeah. It was like the Madeleine for Proust and memories of things past. I've never agreed with you more.

Just thinking of all of the times, your whole life just comes before you. I certainly get that reference. No, it was a perfect grilled cheese. My hamstring just cramped. It was a perfect grilled cheese. It was the Miss America of grilled cheeses. Yeah, it was delightful. I really wanted to dunk it into some tomato soup.

Yes. It would have been so good. That would have been great. It was really, really good. It would have been good. Yeah. It was just like, this is perfect. Yeah.

It's seized up. What did you see when your life flashed by you while you took a bite of that grilled cheese there, Riker? Hmm. All right. I had to say, I will say, it's seized up quick. It was pretty like you had to eat it within the first four minutes, I'm going to say. The clock is ticking when you get that grilled cheese, but it just get into.

I just got right into it. That thing seized up down in your stomach now. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's going to be tough to. Rhea. That's going to be tough to Rhea. That's going to be tough to Rhea.

Oh, boy. Yeah. I feel like it will come. I was wondering, because I looked at the menu, there was no cheese on the pastrami sandwich. Right. But that thing was fucking loaded with cheese. That was their cheese outlet, apparently. There's so much cheese on that.

I'm sure you can modify the pastrami dip by adding cheese, but it doesn't need it. I mean, it's like, it's kind of perfect. Well, that's why they should have a pastrami grilled cheese. Yeah. They should feature that. That would be an interesting menu innovation. I also got, let's talk sides a little bit. I got the chili cheese fries.

I added the tomato and pickle. I did not add for the pastrami on top of the chili cheese fries, because I got more than enough pastrami on that sandwich. I like the fries a lot. The fries were well fried. They were crisp. They were properly oily. I thought that a good amount of cheese, it maybe could have been layered a little better.

Everything was just kind of dumped on top. The tomato and pickles were, I don't know. I could have done without them. I feel like the chili was a little under seasoned. I could have used a little bit more with that chili. It was just kind of like neutral and meaty. I didn't get a lot of flavor out of it. I got news for you.

Betsy and I decided this while we were there. Chili cheese fries aren't good. How dare you? Chili cheese fries aren't good. Just get regular fries. Just get those regular fries. I don't need to dump fucking chili all over the fries. I'm furious.

Chili cheese fries are great. They are a great hangover food. They just really sop up all that booze there. It's a great chili delivery method. Sometimes you don't just want a cauldron of chili. No one else is going to spoon. You can just use a spoon to put it in your mouth. You can't eat the spoon?

Yeah, no shit. You can eat the fries. You can eat the delivery method. Why do you have to eat the delivery method? Because it gets ooey gooey with all the cheese. It's a lot of fun. They're great. They are fun and delicious.

Chili cheese fries are great. This was a good execution of it. I would have liked a little bit more flavor from the chili itself, but an ample amount of cheese and a well-fried fry. I think this is good. And I think it's absurd of you

to impugn chili cheese fries as a whole. It's a big statement. You should be yelling at the both of us. Betsy can do nothing wrong. Thank you. I did think we talked about this, but the fries were also, I felt, a little under-season. Yeah, they maybe could have used some.

I mean, you can add some salt. I think they have salt and pepper at the table, right? You can't tell. There's fucking chili dumped all over them. They could have maybe used a little bit salt. I fucked up. I didn't order the ones with tomato and pickle on them. I don't think you missed much.

I think it's an odd addition. I will say when Mitch and I went up to grab a bunch of sauces and there was a lone fry on the counter and Mitch very genuinely was like, oh, I almost ate that fry. Just out of habit. There was a fry sitting on the counter and I caught myself and I was like,

I almost just ate that thing. And you think it would be difficult to trap you in a net? Was that one of your nets traps? Maybe. Me and Betsy were talking backstage about who we think would win in a fight. Really? Uh-huh.

I said Nick. Guys, why do you portray me like that? I'm sorry. You are just... Is it the out of breath thing? I could outrun you. I think I could win you a little bit. I think part of the issue is that we're just,

we're both such cowards. Yeah. So that is a factor. And we find a punch to you and then you punch me and we both are crying. Yeah. We both cry. Yeah, it's not even, it's not, it's like,

you're nice. It's that, you know, you're kind, you're sneaky and we think Nick could do something sneaky like munch housings by proxy you or something. Yeah. Like, this fight could last for 25 years. Right. But yeah, like, I think there could be something

where Mitch, or where like Nick, you kind of make him kill himself. Right. Say by... Oh, you're right. Say by a few years earlier launching a podcast where we have to eat the unhealthiest food. Oh, it's happening.

My God. Whoa. This is great. Um, do you guys, did you guys get any other sides? Oh, onion rings. Yes. How are the onion rings? Delicious.

I read on Yelp they were great. I should have gotten them. Better than the fries. Yeah. Nick, we got something that you could, some people do call a sandwich. We got a hot dog. Oh, wow.

But a lot of people don't call it a sandwich. Sure. They call it a hot dog. And the hot dog was fucking spectacular. I loved it. It was great. It was really good. Yeah, it was great.

Just mustard and onions. You know, a little bit of a relish on there. It was, it was. It was fucking good. It knocked it out of the park. It was great. God, just like a really well done, just like solid like grilled dog is just so satisfied.

It was great. And the onion rings were really great too. This was a fucking heavy at this meal was so heavy. It's so heavy. Yeah. Like six weeks ago, I was saying to Nick, I felt good about myself. I feel like I can feel how tight my wrists are.

Right. I feel like shit. I feel like shit. I look like shit. It just six weeks because of this fucking podcast. Yeah. It sucks. I mean, you look a little better if you took the sunglasses off

and spun your hat around. All right. Is this what everybody wants? There you go. Yeah. The heel turn has been done. Yeah. There we go.

It's just wintzing from the lights. It's fine. I'll do the rest of the show like this. I don't like it. I really don't like it. I do wish they had like a dessert there. They needed a dessert. Yeah.

Right. Yeah. I mean, I got myself an orange bang, which is a nice. I got an orange bang as well. Frothy orange soda, kind of akin to an orange Julius. Very satisfying. They had to have it at some places. And that kind of served as my dessert.

But yeah, it would have been nice if they had some sweet treats. Yeah. But again, for what they do, I think they executed very well. And let's get to our final thoughts on the hat here. So Betsy and Mano, here's how this will work. We'll sort of go around, give a summation of our thoughts on this particular chain, and then you're going to give it a fork rating from zero to five forks. Mano, we'll begin with you.

Oh my God. That's a lot. Zero to five forks. Do you guys, do we do halves? Do we do? You can absolutely do halves. Oh, cool. Individual tines if you want.

You do a tenth if you'd like. Ooh. Whatever you'd like. Okay. I'm going to go nuts then. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Okay. I thought it was really delicious. It's exactly what it says it is. The food was good and sloppy for you. Extra shloppies. They don't pretend to be anything. They're not. I like that it's chill and cheap.

Great vibe. Service is quick. I thought it was good. Yeah. I thought it was good, but maybe I don't know. Something was left to be desired just a little bit. For that reason, I'm going to give it 3.9 forks. Oh, wow.

3.9 forks. Wow. Automatically hot at the Golden Play Club. You fucked that up. Oh, shit. I fucked it up. The hat just got fucked up. You said I could do tenths.

That's true. Three traditional forks and one hypothetical 10-pronged fork with nine tines. That's what gets Nick excited about the podcast. I'd be surprised if science can make a 10-pronged fork. Maybe. I think they're still maxed out at like six. Science.

Go ahead, Betsy. Your thoughts on that. I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed the atmosphere. As soon as I was eating it, I was like, oh, this is a place where I would want this to be like a treat for myself every like six months. You know, it's like, oh, I'm going to go fucking lose my mind

at the hat. Like where I plan a whole day around it. Or it's like, this is what I'm eating all day. And then I go home and I fucking sleep, wake up, and I do it again. Wait a minute. Which is a good sign. I love the pastrami so much.

And I'm a, hey, I'm a pastrami head. I'm a pastrami head as well. I'm going to give it, I'm going to give it four, four point five stars. Wow. Four and a half forks. Very good score. Wow.

Mitch, your thoughts. Brea, I say that you can put a feather in your hat. That's right, Nick. Because it was delectable. I can't keep this up. The hat, it gave me everything I asked for. Big sloppy pastrami sandwich that I could have made another one of with all the leftovers in my plate.

Nice crisp fries. I liked the fries a lot too. I didn't like the chili cheese on top of them. Chili cheese fries are bad. The hot dog was great. Onion rings were great. Everything I tried there, I loved. I wish they had some sort of dessert that would be helpful.

I had a nice orange bang and a Diet Coke, Nick. But there's one thing we didn't touch on. The sauces. Oh, yeah. There's a billion fucking sauces in the hat. They are condiment crazy. I thought you guys would cheer for that. There are a lot of condiments.

Also, did we talk about the roast beef? Oh, that's what it was. It was a roast beef. What did we call it? You called it the roast beef. Oh, we did call it roast beef. With gravy on the side. Yeah, we talked about the gravy.

Yeah, it was good. It was good. You prefer it over the pastrami? I almost liked it better than the pastrami, so I think I'm insane. Wow. Yeah. That's why you gave it 3.9. That makes sense.

Yes, put many feather in your cap. And call it pastramaroni. Oh, fuck. What? They were on board. You didn't have to bail. You were almost told. I had to get out of there, man.

What the fuck are you saying? You were rounding third, headed home, and then you just took a turn into the bleachers. I started saying pastramaroni, and I didn't know what that was. I got scared. If you just landed it, people would have bought it. I would eat the shit out of pastramaroni. Oh, it does sound good. I would eat pastramaroni.

That sounds fucking good. Yeah, I'd eat that. The sauce selection is out of control, man. It's wild. It's crazy. Any sort of sauce you could like. You sick freak. Every single sauce, just right there.

There was a Thousand Islands, horseradish sauce, everything. Yeah, all shelf stable, so you know it's really high quality, too. There were some people like you, like you said, the sad guys reminiscing about life, but I like that in a restaurant. Right. Good atmosphere. I'm going five-fourths. I loved it.

Wow. I love the hat. Going hard with the five-fourths. Going too high, I really liked it. It was great. I think part of it is your fondness of hats in general is affecting your store. You're such a hat freak. The hat is great.

It's really, really good. It absolutely nails what it's trying to accomplish, which is, you know, again, the mission statement of this podcast is to try to evaluate these chains in terms of what they're trying to do. This place is trying to offer just American classics at value-conscious prices. It's doing so, and they're fucking nailing it. They're pastrami dip, which is what they tell you to order. It's like they make a big deal out of it.

Try it with a pastrami dip. It's like front and center at the top of the menu. It's fucking great. It's delicious. They do that really well. I thought that grilled cheese was so, so good. It was just like a perfect grilled cheese literally. Oh wait, you only thought it was so, so good?

I'm not saying it's so, so good. I'm not saying it's like so, so good. No doubt. I'm saying it's so, so good. Oh. It's so, so, so good. And I'll add a third soda to remove any ambiguity. You're really changing my mind.

It was a delicious grilled cheese sandwich. Oh, so you thought it was so, so, so good? No. Oh boy. We've accidentally walked into an old Abbott and Costello routine. It's fucking delicious. It is great. And yeah, put a feather in your cap and then I will tip my cap.

Because you do, you're doing a great job, the hat. And I'm right there with Betsy Cedaro 4.5 forks. Wow. You're right. You're right on the outside of the Golden Plate Club. Oh my God. If you're upset about that, Mono is going. No, no way, no way, no way.

He's got 3.9. Mono is entitled to his opinion. He doesn't have a record on it. I can't change it. You can, you can, but I'm not pressuring you to change your opinion. No, I know. I genuinely want to change it just for the grilled cheese. Okay, listen to that guy.

It's the hat himself. Whoa, I think that's big for the hat. Whoa. No, you brought up the points that I think that are really tipping my mind of like, you're right, you cannot get that good of a sandwich for that price. Right. Anywhere. Or, or just those like that price in general.

And the grilled cheese was so damn good. So I, I feel it's okay to give it a 4. Wow. 4.4. Welcome to the golden plate club. The hat. Wow. The hat.

The hat made it. I'm happy. The hat. I'm really happy for the hat. Dip yourself in gold like a monopoly game piece in the, the limited edition. Yeah. Not that new millennial edition. Fuck no.

Where it's parkplace.com. What? Do you know about this? They don't, you don't go to jail in the new millennial edition. Did you know about this? Take your phone away. You just lose followers. Why are you doing that so fast?

Yeah. You can't take selfies anymore. Where, where do you go? I think someone said, but they might have been doing a Weiger joke, but that said your parents house, but I think it was a Weiger-ish joke. I just saw it on the news. Right.

So you're as funny as those news anchors. Yeah. I write copy for KBC seven. And I write jokes for parade magazine. Where my career is. We shall talk about on good morning America. Yeah. Oh boy.

Yeah. Guys, Monday tune in to good morning America. What if you never get to talk about the dough boys? You just talk about parade. Guys, that was our review of the hat. Do you know what's going to happen? Here's Nick and Mitch from the dough boys. Guys, tell us about fast food.

Breaking news. Donald Trump dead. We're just going to be standing there like idiots. We're going to be pushed out the fucking building. Wait a minute. I'm hearing he ate too much KFC. We've got the dough boys right here. Okay.

We can break this down for you. Oh my God. He probably went with extra crispy when he should have stayed with original. Much heavier meal. Guys, that was our review of the hat. It's time for a segment. We've got a mystery beverage and our panel has to guess what it is. It's the Weigher Challenge.

Wow. Weigher, weigher, weigher, weigher. Weigher, weigher, weigher upper thighs. Weigher, weigher, weigher challenge. Check it. Check it out. Hey, thank you. Hey, think I love bit of the few.

Wow. A little bit of Cigane's theme. That was really good. Thank you. That was immediately recognizable to me. That was excellent. I got that a lot in middle school. Boy, the kid, you, I mean, I know you got, you obviously suffered your own bullying.

Sure. But mine was, yeah, mine was kids saying Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nickelodeon. Oh, yeah. As well as Weigher, Weigher upper cut. I mean, I'm trying to reclaim it. Oh my God, this is, that's so fucked up. I'm trying to reclaim it.

I'm trying to reclaim it. That's my way of dealing with it. Wow. How did they put those two together? They were, these were different groups of kids. There were the Nickelodeon kids in another video game. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah.

Nick admitted, we recorded an episode the other day, Nick admitted he started to mutter to himself recently. I have. I was doing it today. And then I heard it today. Wait, when was I muttering? Oh my God. You were muttering some shit.

Oh, you know what? I heard it last night. I won't say what we were doing, but when you were at the salad bar, you're like, oh, salad, you know, I put some salad on my plate. What the fuck is going on? I was doing that. You were doing it. What the hell's going on, man?

That was you checking in with your brain. Yes. You saying I better eat something green. Yeah. It's, it's, it's like, honestly, it's flummoxed me because it's like, I, I doing it, I don't realize I'm doing it. And then if I catch myself, I can stop myself, but I don't realize it's happening until I pointed out or someone else pointed it out.

My brain is just rotting. Sure. I'm just, I'm just losing my mind. Yeah. All right. It makes me feel safe. A guy who hates me's brain is rotting. Anyway, you guys have some solo cups in front of you and you've got a little, a little beverage

to test. Wow. So let's, let's see if you can. This thing looks like some orange fucking soda. If you guys can see here. It does. It is the brightest orange. I can't show you, but it is the brightest orange I've ever seen in my life, truly.

Got a little orange scent to it. It looks like it would glow in the dark. Motherfucker. We're in orange California. I'm going to say orange soda before I even fucking try this shit. You're saying Mitch's guess is orange soda. He's locking that in. Yeah.

I mean, I, wait, okay, wait, no, I think it's something else. Oh wait. Is it? There's, there's a couple of tastes to it. Wow. There is a couple of tastes to it. Um, I have an idea. Or what's that?

What's that drink? Oh shit. Tampico. What's that drink where it comes in the little bombers and you, it's like foil on top of it. It kind of reminds me of that. I have my answer. Mitch is, Mitch is, is unlocking orange soda.

Giving his real answer. My answer is a Haritos Mandarin orange soda drink. A bold gambit. Haritos. Mandarin orange soda drink. I think it's something crazier. Um, there's a zip in there that makes me think of Mountain Dew. So, which makes me think it might be one of those fucking limited edition Mountain Dews

like Blaze Country or Slapstick or just something like that. Gamerchiz. There's the punch up. Yeah. I think it's Gamerchiz for sure. I'm still sticking with those weird kinds of, they call it juice, but it's not juice. Yeah. Like it's too, like, it's not bubbly enough.

Yeah, it's stings. Yeah. Like you do not want this to fall in a like open sore. I mean, you don't want a lot of stuff to fall in an open sore, but this would really, really fuck you up. Unless it was down there. Take that it. Yeah.

The it, he eats the children from the sores. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, why are more people laughing? Shit. Um, I guess I will go with, uh, oh, are there like a weird sunny D? Yeah. Is it like sunny D bubbly or something?

I don't know. If the answer was weird sunny D. Weird sunny. I bow down to you. It is the amount of sugar is making my throat hurt. I will like one sip. I will accept a weird sunny D to mean some sort of sunny D variant. Okay.

That's what I, yeah. That's what I think. Um, mono. Yeah, I'm sticking with my initial answer of it's like something, uh, angry gamers play in the dark while, uh, screaming cuss words, uh, playing Fortnite. It's like one of those special Mountain Dews, like Gamerges. Mountain Dew variant. Yes.

Mountain Dew variant. Yes. Locking it in. Gamerges. I love Gamerges. And some sort of. Don't you hate it when your controller gets all jizzed up? The fucking, like when the little middle button, it's like sticky from your jizz.

Yeah, but you gotta get the new controller from Nvidia. It's jizz proof. Yeah. The jizz just bounces right off and back onto your shirt. You need to wear it to school. Wear it should be. And Mitch, you're going with Haritos, Tangerine. What was the specifics, uh, specific guess?

It's Mandarin Orange. Mandarin Orange. I apologize. Yeah. Yeah. Mandarin Orange, Haritos. This is a tough decision. Lock it in.

But I am going to say, no one got it on the nose. Oh, shit. But in terms of who came closest, I am going to say, Mitch, you have won the Weiger Challenge. Your Sterling record remains intact. You guys were overthinking it. This is a little OC for the OC. It's Orange Crush. Oh my God.

Classic Orange Crush. This is Orange Crush. It's Orange Crush. I feel it's juice. You guys knew. You guys failed to test your taste buds in your eyes. Oh my God. I knew it was some fucking dumb pun.

Like, OC, I should have known that. OC. Good job, Weiger. Well, good job to you, Mitch. You came close. Good job to our entire panel of that very well-fought Weiger Challenge. But right now. Someone luckily DMed me and said, happy birthday, Kaylee, whoever's out in the audience named

Kaylee. Oh, Kaylee. HBD. Kaylee knows just cover their face. That's Kaylee. Wow. Happy birthday, Kaylee. Happy birthday, Kaylee.

Happy birthday, Kaylee. Many happy returns. Huh? What? That was very not dude. She said why not? That was not dude. Kaylee's crying.

No. It's what Alfred says in The Batman Begins. Do you feel comfortable admitting that you're not a dude? No. Fucking classic. I'm just like Alfred, the coolest dude in town. Guys, right now, just like a restaurant, about your feedback, let's open up the feedback. So we're going to take a three or four audience questions.

If anyone's got them, I think we've got a couple of mics out. Yeah, yeah. Emma, our engineer. Emma, big hand for Emma, everyone, helping us out. There you go, Emma. Emma, our engineer is going to come around. And if you have a question, just go ahead and raise your hand. I see a hand up right up front.

She loves American chop suey. Emma is coming over here. Yeah, Emma, you've had it before, right? Yeah, of course, we make it every year at Christmas. Wow. Hell yeah. Thank you, Emma. Hello, dough boys.

Hi. You sound like our enemy. Hello, dough boys. You sound like you're pitching us like Shark Tank. I met you earlier, Mitch. Yes. I made the iron-on patches for you guys a few months ago. Very cool.

I believe Mitch took both of them. Yes, Weigher, I don't think took one. Mitch, I want you to give Weigher his, and then I want you to give yours to U-Song, please. What the fuck? A patchless? As for my question, tonight you ate a hat, and infamously, Werner Herzog ate a shoe after a lot of best, lost a bet. Yes.

If you had to eat a article of clothing, what would you eat, and how would you prepare it? Wow. That's a great question. That's a great question. That's a really good question. I don't know. I'm going to say a belt. That's a good answer.

It's cow-like, you can probably get cow flavor out of that. Yeah. That feels like the kind of thing when like, you know, like they were, Stalingrad was under siege. Yes. They were like, yeah. It was a belt. Without a cabbage.

Yeah. I feel like I would probably like a silk scarf and treat it like a burrito wrapper. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's pretty good. That's smart. It feels like silk would digest. It's an organic product, right? You know what I would do?

Take the fucking not used, my unused, but I would take the shoelaces out of my fucking shoe, put a little pasta sauce on there. Oh, yeah. That's good. That's good. That's just pretty much like that zucchini pasta thing that's happening right now. Yeah. You could swallow it whole and then it would be funny when you shit it out.

Yeah. Like a dog. You have to eat it. You have to eat it. You have to eat it. You have to eat it. You have to eat it. You have to eat it.

Like a dog, have you done somebody pull it out for you. Little party track. I didn't do that to my sister's bulldog. I will tell you the rope out of a suit. She ate a ribbon. Oh, God. Yeah. Well, I had to help.

Yeah. She didn't chew up the ribbon. Right. You can't like just a ribbon. No. She ate it out quickly like you were starting a lawn mower. What was that? What was the method?

Honestly, I kind of just held it. She just kept kind of walking forward. Oh, I got it. Okay. And she was humiliating. I was like, I know dumpling. I know it's okay. Just don't eat ribbon again.

Just don't eat Christmas ribbon again. That's brutal. Was it attached? Did it pull anything else out when I came out? No. Her stomach and intestines. Oh, no. Oh, Jesus.

Skeleton. Pushing the skeleton back into it. Yeah. You know, I could give a cop-out answer and say like, oh, I'll eat a button. That qualifies. But I'm not going to fuck around. Jesus, you better not.

I'm not going to do that. You know what I'm going to eat? I'll eat a three-piece suit. Okay. Give me a Paul Feig-style old-timing 19th century suit. Straight from Paul, you're going to take it right off Paul Feig's back. Give it off of Paul Feig's body and onto my plate. You going to make it like a lasagna or what are we talking?

Oh, that's a good question. I think it would take several days to get through that. Oh, yeah. You took so much. Right. But I do it. The button was smarter. You should have got something small.

If I'm going to eat clothes, I'm going to eat clothes. I'm going to have a story. All right. Thank you very much for the question. Thank you for the patches. Any other questions? I saw a hand over there. Hand over there.

Right over there. Is the show over yet? Almost. Almost. Relax. Hi. What's your name? What's your question?

How are they going? I'm Albert. What do you guys think about carne asada fries? And where are the best ones at? Oh. Carne asada fries are great. That's great. Carne asada fries are unlike chili fries are good.

Yes. They both work. Yes. This doesn't have to be a feud. They both work. I think it's a feud. Carne asada fries are good. Del Taco does pretty good carne asada fries for a fast food chain.

I will say there is a chain. I don't know if it's down here at all. Bonitos. Do you guys have bonitos at all? No bonitos. It might just be in LA. It's a pretty decent taco shop, burrito chain, but it's got some. The carne asada fries they do there are dynamite.

They are fantastic. If you're craving them, they will absolutely hit the spot. I like carne asada fries, but you know what I'm going to say to that? Wrap a tortilla around that thing and get yourself a California burrito. Oh, there you go. Oh, yeah. The best burrito there is. Yeah.

What carne asada fries need are more carbs. I love fat sals. Carne asada fries so fucking much. They haven't had them. They're so good. They've got to be crazy. They're really awesome. That place is intense.

Yeah. I've had their pepperoni fries and it was just knocked me out of my ass. Someone drove a car into fat sals. I know. Oh, really? Yeah. I think it was fine. I think everything is fine.

I think it went in there and there was a bunch of fries. They were fine. It was like 7 a.m. It was before they were open. Oh, really? Yeah. Are you sure it wasn't just someone at 3 a.m. who's like, I think they're still open?

Yeah. But yeah, that was one of the locations in Hollywood. They got their whole facade busted up. For those of you who don't know, fat sals started, but no longer with turtle from entourage. Really? Jerry Ferrara. Jerry Ferrara. What?

He started fat sals. It's really good. It's insane sandwiches and sides and everything. Food as good as the show entourage. Yeah. I don't know. Besides that, just an actually good taco truck or no chain I can think of. That's good carne asada fries.

Yeah. Sometimes that hole in the wall spot is your best option. Great question, Albert. Thank you so much. We got time for one more question. Any questions? I saw you see a hand right here, right over here in the yellow sweatshirt. There we go.

Hi. Hi. Thank you. What's your name? What's your question? My name's Cecily. Alright, well, my question is, we got one question out on like a double or something. Recently, we're at a tattoo parlor in Long Beach.

They were offering free tattoos. But you had to get it like RBs logos or RB sandwiches. Like designed by an artist there. But it was all RBs themed. So if you had to get a tattoo of a chain restaurant or fast food item, what would you get? Oh my God. Wow. Fast food item.

Oh my God. I know Betsey's answer. Yeah. I want to get the entire Taco Bell menu on my back. And change it when it changes. I'm back. You got to burn it up and do it again. No.

It's a fiesta cruncher. Fiesta cruncher. Ooh, an item. Oh man. Probably a Cruncher App Supreme. But then have it, have like there be a bite so you can see the layers. Let's get Taco Bell on the way home. Oh my God.

Please. I'm so full. But I think we would also be Taco Bell. Mine would be a quesarito. And the way I get it, which is sub beans. Can I make a pitch on it? Yes. In fun calligraphy, get your order to the side of it.

Yes. It looks like a prayer. Yes. That's just pitch. Yes. Because it is a religious moment. Because your order is perfect. Quesarito, sub beans instead of meat, extra nacho cheese, add avocado, ranch, grilled,

well done. Wow. Wow. It's fucking good. And it's just goop. It's just. There's a crunch and then just goop. Yeah.

Yeah. It's almost like, you know what they have? They have those little goop guns there. It's like you're just unloading. I want one so bad. I just goop gun. Yeah. Do we have to get an item or it can be like a logo?

I think item is the challenge for me. Because item is tough. I can think of things. I think I would go to be on brand and live up to my name. To my nickname, I would get a burger of some kind. I would go with a classic and now double double because I think not only is it a wonderful burger and not only does it represent my culture as a SoCal surfer dude. Surfer dude.

Rich culture. I think it would be aesthetically pleasing just to look at. I think that would be like a good looking tattoo because you could see the slice of cheese, the two patties. You could see the, you know, the veggies on there, that sponge dough bun. Like a burger time. Like burger time. It's like a burger time burger.

It's a perfect burger. It's like something that, I think his name is Chef Pepper, right? Wow. Peter Pepper. Chef Peter Pepper. I don't think we're going to know. I think that's the burger time chef. But yeah, if I wasn't getting a food item, I think I'd just go with Merrimick cheese.

That's good. I mean, he's got a burger for a head and then I just like his policy. Yeah. Policy. I'd maybe get annoyed on my ass. Yeah. Yeah. And then just turds coming out of the noise.

The noise is sentenced to shit out how shit coming out of its mouth every day. Just like drawn like. That is very funny. I'll pay for it. Please. Is it going to say avoid the noid or annoyed the void? I can't say. I think I would.

Maybe my issue is that if I had a tattoo, I'd want to scrub it off. I have OCD. So it would have to just be in the direct center of my back where I couldn't see it. Oh, wow. And then a big back. I'm annoyed on my asshole. I don't care. Either one of those works.

Yeah. That direct center of your back feels like a liability. Well, but you don't get pranked and end up with a kick me tattoo. Wu Tang is the tattoo artist. Gotcha. Think about that. Yeah. All the times I have my shirt off around friends.

If you know me, that's all the time I'd be getting left and right. Yeah. As soon as the show's over, you just rip your shirt off and start hanging out. Great show everybody. Guys, that's our show. Big hand for Betsy and motto. Our engineers, Emma and Yu Song. We'll see you up front until next time with the Spoonman Mike Mitchell.

I'm Nick Weigher. Happy eating. Thanks guys. Thanks for coming out, Brea. Thank you. That's why it's hard back and you know they can never be right. What's up, Burger Brigade? Hey, Spoon Nation.

The Doughboys are coming to you live in 2019 in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan at winter option on January 26th. And in Portland, Oregon at Listen Up Portland on February 16th. For more information and info, go to headgum.com slash live.