Doughboys - Tournament of Chompions: FINALS - In-N-Out Burger v. Shake Shack

Episode Date: March 31, 2016

The climactic conclusion of the first ever #MunchMadness has east meet west, as New York's Shake Shack battles sunny California's In-N-Out Burger. Friend of the podcast and tournament commissioner Evan Susser helps Mitch and Wiger crown the winner -- and also presents a brand new segment.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

March 27th, 1939. The University of Oregon ducks defeat the Ohio State Buckeyes in the first ever finals of the men's NCAA basketball tournament in the event once informally and now officially dubbed March Madness. Today, 77 years later, Doughboys concludes our first ever spring chain restaurant tournament. Will it have as much staying power as the sweet 16 in the Final Four? Only time will tell. This inaugural edition has seen our brackets splintered and folded back upon itself like

a royal family tree, but however we got here, none can dispute the worthiness of these final competitors. Arguably, the two most esteemed chain burgers in the nation. The decades-old SoCal Institution vs. the Upstart Liberty City Kid, both of whom inspire a cultish devotion. The Big Apple vs. Tinseltown, Wall Street vs. The Walk of Fame, Subway vs. Freeway, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles vs. Turtle from Entourage. Can the beast from the east top the best of the west?

Can nostalgia and bang for the buck triumph over farm-to-table elegance? This week on Doughboys. The conclusion of Munch Madness 2016, the Tournament of Chompians, Burger Brawl, with our finalists in and out burger vs. Shake Shack. Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weicker. Wow. Alongside my co-host, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell.

How you doing, Spoon Man? My jaw is a gape. And surprisingly- That should be mouth. Whatever. Who gives a shit? Your mouth is a gape and surprisingly, food is not going into it. Oh.

Oh, what a piece of shit you are. Right off the bat, piece of shit. You know what? Just want to say how to howl to Spoon Nation and a little shout to the monster squatters. What? Okay. Creatures. An alien.

Star killer faces. Garbage. I've seen it four times now. It's not that good. There's not enough creatures and magic in it. I just, it's not a great movie, guys. Come on. What is Snoke anyway?

Yes! Yes! Spongebob! I took a turn from the Star Wars universe to the, uh, 300 universe at the end? Hey, take your questions up with Millicent Younger. Thanks, Millicent. Nick's got a couple questions regarding your drop. I liked, I liked the montage of your various criticisms, your baseless criticisms of the

Force Awakens, which is, uh, now available on digital on, well, it will soon be available on digital and Blu-ray, um, in April. Doughboys can't be bought, yet you're willingly selling yourself for the Star Wars Force Awakens Blu-ray DVD. Not branded content for J.J. Abrams, Star Wars, the Force Awakens. I simply believe that J.J. did it, and it's a good film in that everyone should watch it on this. You don't believe that J.J. did it.

You didn't even say that. You're not the person who said that. I am, my quote is J.J. did it dash Patton Oswalt. That is my, you can attribute that quote to Nick Weiger. J.J. did nothing of the sort. He did nothing. He made a fun, action-filled romp. You know what?

The fans? Fans. The people who listen to this show for whatever reason are, they're gonna get mad that we're talking about Star Wars already, but I saw behind the scenes for that Blu-ray, and one of the things on the Blu-ray is like, well, we were actually gonna kill off Poe Dameron, and then what's that, Oscar Isaac told us that we shouldn't, so then we didn't do it. Collaboration. That's part of filmmaking.

Get on Earth. What a vision. That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard. I think that's great. I think it's reflected in our finest TV, as you see how Brian Cranston would work behind the camera on Breaking Bad. He would help bring his character to life, not just through his performance, but also through his writing and directing.

They invited Oscar Isaac into the creative process, and film is a collaboration. It's not, you know what? It's not George Lucas being a dictator and obsessing over every detail. And exerting that much control, that process didn't work out. That's like my town yokel on Parks and Recreation. If I were to go up to the creator of Parks and Recreation, I'd sure, and say, he should be a regular. He should just be in the show.

That's the same thing. Well, you didn't try that, did you? Look where you are. What the fuck do you think this is? You're doing this piece of shit podcast with me, and Oscar Isaac is in fucking hit movies. You know what? The quality of our podcast is better than Star Wars. And I think our podcast sucks.

That shows you where I stand on Star Wars. Bitch, this is the, we could talk about Star Wars all the episode, and we normally do. We have. We have, yeah. But this is the finals of the Tournament of Chompians. We began earlier this month. Now we're finally, thankfully, mercifully at the end of this long and winding road. Thank God.

Thank fucking God it's over. Yeah. I woke up, I told you again, I woke up today sick. Yeah, you've really, this has really done a number on your body. I'm sick again. It doesn't make sense. I've been sick for a month, and then I was a week and a half not being sick. I'm sick again.

So I have no other reason to explain it besides the fact that I hate 16 fucking cheeseburgers this month. For something that, I also just want to put you on blast for a second. Yeah. Sure. Maybe I voted for Burger King, and that was wild. And maybe I voted for Carl's Jr. over in and out, in and out burger. But that was my real gut feeling.

That's what I really, truly believed. I believe that. And you, on the other hand, changed things, and you put in an out burger back in. You're the actually the guy who, when people, when people say, this, this tournament it has no, whatever. What do they say? Fuck it. I don't, I can't think right now.

I'm sick. I took Nyquil before I came here. Or Dayquil. But the, the, this isn't a real tournament. This is a farce. When people say that, they're talking about you. They're not just talking about me. Yes, they are.

I know. They're talking about they, they, they think you've had some lapses in judgment. Some people are on my side in terms of putting my thumb on the scale and getting in and out back in the tournament, getting it in the finals where it belongs. And I will also say this, we've also just had some minisodes thrown at us. We've been speaking of which. That is the music of our guest, front of the podcast, tournament commissioner, also a screenwriter whose credits include the upcoming film's fistfights starring Charlie Day and

Ice Cube and Sonic the Hedgehog. Guys, there's no, let's not even talk about my credits. Evan Susser is here. He's weirdly in character, like folding his hands and so on. Yeah. Again, wearing a full suit. I think the same suit as last week. Oh, 100%.

Did you change out of that? It is the same suit. Actually, as, as I was on the way out, my, my wife, Jamie, as Nick would say, my lovely wife, Jamie said, you've dressed up in the past two weeks more for this podcast than you have in the past two years for a date. So this, for this, this audio only experience. Yeah. Good question.

The tie, was it in already tied or did you retie it? I know how to tie a tie. Oh, okay. I did tie a tie. Okay. Fair. But guys, we've, we've had this tournament. It's gotten to a fever pitch and then you just get right into the special features on

the Force Awakens. What's going on? I'm in a fever dream. I'm sick and I don't care about this. I've eaten so many burgers. I've gotten fucking fatter. And also, by the way, you said you ate 16 burgers. You're also not including an extra burger that you had with me on St. Patrick's Day.

So while you were complaining a lot, you didn't just have another burger outside of the tournament. So I don't think, and how many burgers? That was from Wendy's too. That was the week we were doing Wendy's. You went to Wendy's on St. Patrick's Day and then you decided that you needed to go to Wendy's again. Yes, because I was drunk on St. Patrick's Day and I needed to get a real fucking burger,

a real experience from Wendy's. My precious Wendy's, that you fucking set up, you set it up so that Wendy's would fucking lose. I didn't. I like Wendy's. I gave Wendy's five forks. I think Wendy's is a great chain. I think they do great burgers.

I didn't want it to fail. I wasn't happy to see it go. I didn't have a shit-eating grin on my face when it got eliminated like you did when Carl's Junior triumphed over In-N-Out Burger. Because that was the right choice. Our guest... Well, no fucking way was that the right choice. It was an insane choice.

But I'm glad we retconned it and you know that's something that I'm glad I retconned it. Yes, I'm glad I pulled a J.J. Abrams on your George Lucas Doe Boys universe and made some fixes to have it current and have it like something that people could enjoy and relate to in 2016. You know you're the villain. No way. What do you mean?

A commissioner, you're doing nothing. Well, you know, this started for me on what a journey I've had on Doe Boys, okay? I came into this podcast just enjoying it, loving it. Listen, I was thrilled to be on the Steak and Shake episode. Then beyond my wildest dreams, I get to come back and we go back to Steak and Shake. This is becoming the best thing in my life. Then, Nick Weiger texts me and says, hey, for the Tournament of Chompians, we're gonna say you're the commissioner and that'll just be a funny joke thing.

I say great. This all sounds good. Then somehow the Tournament goes off the rails and I have no choice but to insert myself into it. What's happened? I mean, you call me for Burger King versus Five Guys. You ask for my decision only to throw out my decision. I mean, if you were in the same position, what would you do?

That's true, actually. You know, I think we should maybe start there and I just had a phone call. I didn't get really a chance to explain that decision, but I do really think that's the beginning point of when this Tournament started going off the rails. That's true. When you just said, forget that. That came from you, Mitch. I agreed with it.

I was happy because Burger King was one over five guys in the Eden mini-sode and then it was going to be Burger King versus Steak and Shake, I believe. No, I'm wrong about that. Was it? Yeah, I think it was Burger King versus Steak and Shake. That was correct. Burger King versus Steak and Shake and then you reinserted five guys and made it into a three-way battle and then five guys won.

That was fun. That was fun. I agree with it. But it was the beginning of we're saying... But you know what? I changed my vote. I want Burger King to win this. Oh, shit.

So now you're saying Burger King because you changed it, so that means we're tied up. So that means it's one vote for Burger King, one vote for our guest, Michael Cassie for Steak and Shake, and one vote for me for five guys. Yeah, so I don't know. We're in a... No. We're in a deadlock. I don't know what to say.

And also, five guys went on to lose to Shake Shack, our finalist, which also defeated Wendy's. Shake Shack was never reviewed. It should never have been in the competition. Commissioner Susser, you fucked up. You know, in retrospect, I don't know if adding Shake Shack was the best decision, but action needed to be taken. You know, I think that's kind of the theme throughout this month is, you know, this lack of decision, indecision, going back on decisions.

You know, I made a decision. It may not have been a popular decision. It may not have been the right decision, but at least it was a decision. No, that's true. And I give you credit for that. Thank you. Oh, just fuck both of you. That's insane.

No, I think it's fair. And while you're here, Susser, there is a question that's been coming up, and I feel like that I should... It is my duty to post you here while you're in person. In the Sonic the Hedgehog movie, does Charmy the Bee have a speaking role? Again, as I said before, I'm not at liberty to discuss. Oh, my God. But just to kind of break character, I mean, how do you guys think this went?

Oh, my God. Is this tournament? Watching him in and out of character. Also, can I just say, I got all... We were supposed to record this, to go behind the curtain a little bit, we were supposed to record this last night. I get all geared up. I get in my suit.

I'm ready to go. I drink a Red Bull, and then Mitch texts literally with 35 minutes, hey, I'm not gonna be able to make it, guys. Got to reschedule. So, I was all amped up to do it last night, and we had to put a pause on it, we're here again tonight. I mean, I'm just... I was shooting, I was working, I was shooting a show, which they're gonna have to somehow

fucking explain on the show why, over the course of three episodes, I get fatter and fucking fatter. Doesn't make any fucking sense. Well, I'm just saying, if this episode is not, you know, at the caliber that people are expecting, I mean, that's the reason. Yeah. Are you in character or out of character? I don't even know anymore.

And you're... But I feel like we've kind of faded... Daniel Day... Daniel Day Jewish. Seems offensive. I don't... All right, I'll thank you, as I guess. Don't get offended, what the fuck?

I'll put the... I'll put the ACLU, no, the Anti-Defamation League, but no, I think that it's been a mess of tournament, but I think we can salvage it tonight. We can get... I think we are going to get to a result that is fair and that correctly assesses or comes close to correctly assessing what is the best chain burger or which burger chain has the best burgers. That's fair.

Which is our goal of the process throughout. That's fair, I agree. And I'm sorry for the anti-Semitic comment. You know, I think that it's just sad that in 2016, I can't believe that we've had you back, Pearson. And then also, you really take it on to this role of commissioner. You popped into an episode you weren't invited to, and even in this episode, you started playing your theme music before we introduced you.

That's all fair. Well, I'm upset with what has happened. The tournament is a mess. But I will say, I think that we have some sort of solution, but maybe we shouldn't get into that yet. Maybe we should talk about where we ate. But also, more so, commissioner, we never really actually talked to you about it. What does a burger mean to you?

Because that's the thing that we asked all of our guests so far. What is an ideal burger? And what's your history with burgers, commissioner? Well, I think that my history with burgers, kind of probably, like many people, twofold. One, the kind of backyard barbecue burger that my father would make. And then also, kind of fast food burgers like McDonald's. The Quarter Pounder was probably the first fast food burger that I would eat regularly. And I think that for me, a hamburger, it's just, when I think of a hamburger, I think

of the basics. The bun, the meat, and the fixings. Cheeseburgers, I didn't really start eating until college. So for a long time, a burger to me did not just meant a hamburger, not a cheeseburger. Was this a kosher thing? It was kind of, you know, at home, like a kosher thing. And then just, you know, kind of influenced by that, I guess. Your personal taste was a cheeseless burger, which for me was heresy for a while.

And then I tried it, and I've had, sometimes I just prefer a hamburger. It's nice to just get that meat. I ate hamburgers as a kid, and then I grew up. And put away trash like this. I've never touched a hamburger since. It's just, a hamburger is just too plain to me. I can't be doing a hamburger. You gotta have a cheeseburger.

I've got a question for you. At your school, did they have kosher dining? No. We did at Ithaca, and it was always really good. Oh, my university college. Oh yeah, they did, but I was over that at that point. I've met your dad, great guy. So you would make burgers just not cheeseburgers.

They would be bar... Right. Okay. So what kind of fixings do you have on a kosher burger? I mean, pretty much anything besides cheese. Mayo, onions, lettuce, tomato, ketchup mustard, I guess mayo is a problem. Why is mayo an issue? Oh, dairy?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I guess I didn't even think about that. Did you guys have mayo with your burgers at home? It was a pretty common thing for me, I'd say. I'd say probably mayo is a number two condiment after ketchup for a burger. Really? I'd say ketchup and mustard.

Yeah, that's what kind of I would do. So it didn't even occur to me, and even now, if I'm at a barbecue, I don't ask, do people put mayo out when you're at a barbecue? That is a funny thing, because for me, I feel like now, a burger, I kind of agree with you. It's ketchup and mayo, or some sort of aioli is the kind of the first two things that come to mind. Aioli is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of a burger. But I think I'm thinking of some sort of sauce that's not...

And then modern upscale burger. Yeah, upscale burger. But at a barbecue, you're going to be like, hey, do you have any aioli? No. No fucking way. Hey, I brought a pack of bed light where's the aioli? But in 20 Massachusetts, is aioli? No, I would get beat up for mentioning aioli.

And also, when I'm at a barbecue, it is just... I'm just thinking ketchup and mustard. Maybe even some relish on the burger. Oh, yeah, relish. I like that. That's a funny thing about backyard barbecues, is I'm never thinking about putting mayo on it. That is the weird...

Why your family? Where they eat spoonfuls of mayo, anyways. So that is a... Oh, yeah. I forgot that's the thing that you do, right? Yeah, I've had spoonfuls of mayo as a snack. But I would say that that's like... You're right, it's a different animal, because I don't think you'll ever really get relish

on a burger at a restaurant. You might get pickle slices, but I don't think you're going to get relish. That's a sweet relish is a rare thing, but pretty common, I feel like, at a barbecue. I feel like having mayo on a burger, I guess it was when I would start eating whoppers. Was like the first time. Yeah. Or maybe something with Wendy's, or I think one of their, like the junior and big and cheeseburger has mayo on it.

But sorry, I'm sick, by the way, and I know everyone hates coffee given to the mic, but that will happen over and over again. It was probably like middle school for me, and then that became a thing. And now I'm with you, it's probably ketchup and some sort of mayo is when I think of a better burger is up there. McDonald's doesn't usually have any mayo on any of their burgers, except for the specialty burgers. Yeah, but I will say, I think in the mayo realm is the mayonnaise-based Thousand Island

dressing, which is a fixture of the Shack burger, which we'll talk about, the double double or cheeseburger at In-N-Out burger, which we'll talk about, and of course the Big Mac. I feel like that's a pretty standard thing, and that's kind of just ketchup, and that's basically ketchup and mayo and relish at a fundamental level. I mean, it's a little different than that. Yeah, it was kind of heartbreaking to me when I found out that special sauce was just, yeah, it's Thousand Islands.

Yeah. All right. It was a heartbreaking day for you. I mean, a little bit. There's so little magic in the world, and then all of a sudden you're like, oh, they got something unique to them, and then you're like, yeah, it's just the same as anything. I have, when I was a kid, my grandma said Thousand Island referring to a dressing that I was not familiar with.

I was young enough where it was a new thing for me, and I, for whatever reason, I heard it as tuna salad, and for like a year, I thought that Thousand Island dressing was tuna salad. What? Yeah. I just was like, oh, that's tuna salad. It was that. Did you know what tuna salad was? I knew what tuna was, but I was like, oh, tuna salad is this dressing that you put

on this kind of pink dressing. Hmm. Little dumbass. Do you think this is like a climactic TV show where people are skipping past this part to find out what won the Chompy Ships? Do people do that in climactic TV shows? People don't fucking do that. I did.

I did. This is the issue between us and a good TV show. We're breaking bad. I'm like, oh my god, he dies. Okay. Wait, you skipped through like TV art through Breaking Bad? You fast-forwarded through the finale? I didn't even know what happened.

No one does that. Why would you do that? It's a little spoiler alert to someone who hasn't watched Breaking Bad. What is the limit of these spoilers? You can spoil it. You can spoil it. You also said he dies, which could mean anything. Yeah, so in a lot of ways, you did it, Mitch.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Listen, everything you guys have been saying today is wrong. I don't agree with anything you're saying. Your grandma confused you and thought, made you think that a Thousand Islands was tuna fish? It was my confusion. I don't blame my grandma. She said Thousand Islands and he heard tuna fish.

My wonderful grandma, Josephine Weiger, 90 years young, still going strong. Still going strong. Who enjoys Kill Bill. That's awesome. She likes Kill Bill, yeah. For listeners of the podcast and remember. Well, I hope she all lives her grandson. Anyway.

Oh my god, I'm sorry. I love what comments you choose to apologize for. I just want to say that with Thousand Island dressing, usually special sauce is a mix of Thousand Island dressing and like mayo and ketchup, right? Don't they say there's like a few things that go into it? I think that some people would argue that the fundamental components of special sauce are basically mayo and ketchup. Here's the thing, I don't like Thousand Islands on salad.

I don't like it on a roulette. I grew out of that. It used to be my favorite as a kid because it was sweet and then I grew out of it. Nasty. I used to like a French or a Thousand Island dressing, but now I like a cream based dressing. I'll go with like a blue cheese or a ranch, sometimes a vinaigrette. French dressing, a dressing that's really kind of a, really gone away, I feel. I feel like Thousand Islands kind of took over for French.

French was a French and Russian, which I think is close enough to French. It's weird how they're all, they're so similar, but they're such different nations. It's not like a Spanish dressing and Portuguese dressing, which you would be like, oh, I get that those are kind of similar. It's like these are two at once warring nations that are kind of on different continents. Yeah, that's very strange. So here's another thing that I have an issue with in this whole tournament is, you know, in one of the categories for basketballs, we were saying that...

By the way, how lost would you be as a new listener? If this is your entry point, this first episode, you're like, what the fuck is this show? Do you want to maybe explain? Because I imagine, look, some people, I'm really curious what people have thought of this whole tournament. I think some people have really liked it and have gone, or some people started off really liking it. We're going to find out what's the best burger.

When all the nonsense has gone on, some people have enjoyed the nonsense. I think some people have really disliked the nonsense. There are some really, I think, great, smart people who've really stuck with this, and they'll probably tweet things like, oh, the finale was so, you know, fun. And then maybe a new listener will tune in, and what are they going to think? They're not going to listen to the finale. No, they might start. You guys are bringing up these weird concerns about some new guy listening to this episode.

Well, do you want to explain what the show is? No, listen next week. Who gives a shit? Listen next week when this is all over. A message to new listeners. Listen to the first episode of this dumb tournament. Don't listen to this one first. Don't pull a susser and fucking fast forward the DVR to the end of the thing.

Listen to the beginning. Waste your time for six or seven hours. I guess listening to some of the early ones, you kind of get a sense of how the jokes develop, how your guys' relationship has become more antagonistic. So you would say that, dope boys, it's like breaking badly. You've got to go back and start from the beginning. You've got to listen to it all the way through. It doesn't really get good until, I don't know, Shake Shack Episode 1.

I'd say it's kind of like, you know, people will say like, hey, you've got to listen to the wire. But you've got to, it's a little bit, it feels like a chore at first. You've just got to stick with it and it gets better. And we're still in that first portion where you kind of just stick with the podcast. At some point we'll figure, at some point we'll go into the second, the back end of the season while the wire. You talk about Star Wars way too much. I think that this podcast is like breaking bad in that I'm going to go off and do a spin-off show by myself. Better call Spoonman.

And fuck you guys, I'll leave you behind. I think honestly, if there's going to be a spin-off, it would be a tertiary character. You and I are basically the Aaron Paul and the Brian Cranston. It's like a tertiary character on the show. Oh my god. The commissioners' podcast. What would you do? I don't even know what you would do.

I think you'd do the Howard Stern-esque after-show. Yeah, I think that's a great idea. Oh god. Hey, if you'd be interested in that podcast, tweet at us. Hashtag, I'm Evan's mom. All right, let's get into the nuts and bolts of this a little bit. I just want to say one more thing before we get going. I know that we created these scoring categories, which there were a bunch of different categories,

and then who would we feed this burger to? And it's changed a bunch of different times. Categories that we established, rated from 0 to 10 basketballs, creativity presentation, condiments bun, burger taste originally, and we later added corporate values slash dollar value. Which is garbage. And our deciding metric was which of these burgers would you send to the aliens, or some other form of supernatural life form, some meta-human. Well, I feel like there's so much emphasis on patty, which I know is important,

but I feel like places like Burger King and like, Carl's Jr. got a bad rap because they are places that don't have this big, thick, juicy patty. Well, both of those won at least one round. That's true, but you denied all them, but whatever. But I just want to say that although that is an important factor, I don't think that that's the most important thing in what makes a full burger. I think that if McDonald's was in this tournament, which maybe it will be next year, it would be my, the big back would be my favorite burger to win it.

Wow. So I just want to let you know. Because of the total package. Because of the total package. This is the best burger. Not the best meat. The best burger. And so that's why I'm kind of pissed off at this stupid fucking burger.

The best burger. And so that's why I'm kind of pissed off at this stupid fucking championship because it's not the best patty contest. It's the best burger contest. But the burger is such a, like the patty is such a big part of the burger. Yes. Like if I'd gotten something, if I'd gotten a grilled cheese from In-N-Out Burger or if I'd gotten a veggie patty from one of these places,

I feel like I would have been raked over the coals for it. Because like a big part of it is that, Yes, because a grilled cheese is a grilled fucking cheese. And you seem to think a lettuce wrap was acceptable. Yeah, even that was, even that, like I got a lot of flak for that. Yeah, you fucked up bad. I would just say that, yes, that's an important part, but you're right, Mitch. I will concede that you are absolutely right.

It's about the overall burger. We're not taking individual patties and judging. It's not the hamburger steak contest. It's the burger contest. It's a burger brawl. And I do think that there is something that with the best burger, the sum is greater than the parts. Yes.

However, that expression goes. And that if you are, for me at least, if I'm really enjoying a burger, I'm not deconstructing it and being like, oh, the bun is so good, the meat is so good, I really like the lettuce. I am just enjoying the piece as a whole. In the same way that if I'm listening to a beautiful symphony, I'm not saying, oh, the violins are good and I'm also liking the drums. I'm just enjoying it as one experience.

Well said by the commissioner. Yeah, that's no, that's a good point. I don't think Weigler played by those rules. I think I did because I was pushing for what I felt like was the best overall burger and I will still, I will totally go to the mat for saying as a total package in and out burger is better. In and out burgers, burgers are better than Carl's senior Hardee's burgers. Well, you're going to have to go to the mat because the way we're settling it is wrestling.

Well, I would be at a big disadvantage in a much lower weight class. I think you've got the reach on me. What are you, you're about, what are you, Mitch? You're about a six, seven, three, ten? You're a very large man. Fuck you. You grow larger in my imagination when I think of you killing me with your bare hands. I would never wrestle you in a million years because I'm afraid of what it would turn into.

The two of us just finally going out and making love. The great love they want, they have Doughboyz. There's going to be some Doughboyz fan fiction out there. There will be now. Yeah, you know what? Tweet us your pictures. Hashtag Doughboyz fan fiction. Yeah, tweet us your pictures with the hashtag Doughboyz fan fiction.

Yeah, the drawings. Fan art. Fan art. Fan fiction would be, I think, probably like written. Oh yeah, sorry, fan art. Who gives a shit? Or PDFs of, you know, three to five page stories. You know, speaking of fan art and fan fiction, we may have touched on this in one of your previous appearances, Susser,

but Sonic the Hedgehog has a famously vile corner of the internet for its fan art and its fan fiction is very explicit. Is that addressed in the Sonic the Hedgehog movie? Again, it's not something that I'm at liberty to discuss. Jesus. So you can't comment on, there's a point where Sonic's mouth extends and he becomes a living urinal. That may be in the movie, but you can't confirm. I feel like I'm Mark Furman in the OJ show. All right, so let's get into this, how we're going to do the finals.

And I think we're, I'm still a little unclear on what you've got planned for us, Commissioner, but I know we've got... So we start kind of talking it out? Yeah, I think we should start talking it out and go for it. So kind of, look, we've, again, to pull the curtain back, we've kind of been talking about this for the last week, because we realized we've messed up and this is a mess. Yeah. And we needed to figure out a way that would be satisfying. And I think originally the plan for the tournament to Chompions was, you guys,

you were going to call me the commissioner, that would be a nonsense, meaningless thing, except I would be the guest on the last episode and we would just pick between the finals. Yes. And when things went off the rails, all of our integrity has been questioned. So leaving the decision to us felt unsatisfying and, dare I say, unfair and unjust. Yes. So then we thought, okay, we need, we still should have a voice. You know, because why not?

Yeah. And a loud voice. But also we should turn and maybe bring some other people in. Instead of the corrupt world of sports, we're going to move to kind of a model of the not at all corrupt world of politics, where we've had a voting occurring. And the way this worked is we've reached out to all past Doboy guests, not including myself, that's 40 guests. And we've asked them all to vote between Shake Shack or In-N-Out Burger.

Now we are kind of, I think we decided we're kind of super delegates. Yes. And so we'll get five votes for our votes. And did we want to, Dustin also too? Yeah, let's give Dustin a vote. Dustin, you got a vote. Okay. Counts as five.

So that counts as five. So it's a total of 60 votes. So you need 31, the winner needs 31 votes. A simple majority. A simple majority. Oh, Jesus. In order to be the winner. And we've got the responses.

We're going to go through them and we'll kind of talk it out as we go. And that's, yeah. Now when this started, I thought there's going to be more survivor style. Well, it is also very much like, I think they're, you know, they take their inspiration from the same source. So we're saying that, so we're saying someone is going to be voted off the island as we go. Like the low vote. Well, on the finale of Survivor, someone wins. Yes.

So wait, but we have more. So we just have two competitors. Yeah. And one of them is getting voted off. One of them is getting voted off the island. Yeah. But I think in Survivor, you bring back all of the past people. Okay.

And they got a vote. I think that was kind of the inspiration. Yes. To where we got there. Which by the way, is always a fun finale instead of the government, which is boring as fuck. So yeah, we modeled this on the very dry process of political conventions, as opposed to the very entertaining Mark Burnett produced Survivor show. So that's okay.

I think the idea we're using pledged delegates and super delegates are in the zeitgeist. They're being talked a lot in the context of the Republican nomination, the Democratic nomination. It's also important though, I think Mitch has a sound cue for the Survivor idea. Oh, okay. So I think you should play that. Okay, great. Go ahead.

This doesn't get you pumped up. No, I like this song. You nodding along and saying, I like this song just shows that you like everything. It's long. You got everything ready, sauce? Are we playing all of this? Yes. Three more minutes.

Wow. If that doesn't send the tingles up and down your spine, I don't know what will. We all remember who was the first guy, Richard Hatch. Richard Hatch. Richard Hatch. Winning over who he went over. Who was the person he went over? I was rooting for the old guy.

Yeah. Whatever. Who was his name, that old guy? Oh yeah, I don't know. Is he still alive? Rudy? Rudy? That sounds right.

Is he still alive? Let us know. All right, so we're going to... Now, here's a question protocol-wise. Does it make sense for... It sounds like we've got another cue. I'm sorry for stepping on. Does it make more sense for the three of us because we all ate at Shake Shack and in

and out burger in advance of this episode. Does it make sense for us to discuss our personal experiences first or should that be folded into... I think what will make sense as far as giving everyone a most dynamic experience is we've got a lot of votes to get through. Gotcha. So I think what we should do is read some of the votes, kind of take a break, analyze and discuss.

How long is this going to be tonight? It's going to take a long time. You have 40 people for their opinions. All right. And so then kind of at certain breaks, maybe we kind of talk about our experiences and then kind of do it along the way. Does that sound like a good process? That sounds like a plan to me.

Yeah. All right. So yeah, I also had a sound cue for CNN's election coverage. Let me hear it. Put it up to the... No. All right. You know, while we're here, I incidentally also brought my own sound cue from Mario Kart 64.

A better time. Three sound cues, none of them having to do with the NCAA or basketball or Marchman. Or even being funny. They're just things to listen to. Okay. Mine was the longest and worst, so I apologize. Okay. Let's begin with the votes.

I first also say before we kind of put this all together. Who do you think is going to win? Well, who I think is going to win? And I'll be mad, as in and out. Why would you be mad? You like it in that burger. It's fine. You think it's only fine?

You give it five forks. I think it's good. It's good. You gave it five forks. But it's not the best. It's not the best burger. All right. We have to decide who these burgers are going to.

And I think that that's an important thing. I think it should be like a last supper table of aliens. Gotcha. And I think that we should each pick a new alien. For me, I'd say my alien choice is Alf, the alien Alf who eats cats normally. So you have to have a really good burger for Alf to enjoy it. All right. I've got a deep cut alien on the brain.

This will be for... Better not be the portions guy. 0.001% of the listeners. But I am going to vote for an alien from the Might and Magic PC game series. Revealed to be an alien in part five, Might and Magic, Dark Side of Xen, Shelton. Oh, fuck you. So shit. We've got Alf and Shelton.

Oh, yes. Alf and Shelton? What the fuck is his name? Shelton. Shelton. He's an evil wizard early on and then we find his spaceship later. I think no listeners get that. I think there will be...

Yes, I think it's possible that no one listening to this will understand that reference. But people may have heard of the Might and Magic PC games. And for me, I'll go with the aliens from... Not from the aliens. That sucks. But from Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Oh, that's good. Why?

I know. So, but, you know, they seem to prefer mashed potatoes. Oh, fuck this shit. And they're mysterious. We don't know much about them. And, you know, instead of doing the... We were sending them a burger. Gotcha.

I think that metaphor. You know what I'm going to say? Also, to fill out the table, because it's the last upper table. Unkarplut is in there and so are some Xenomorphs. Sounds good. All right, good. All right, go ahead. Okay.

So, let's begin. Our first vote. I'm sorry. Can we make sure... Because I know Destin is a fan. Can we make sure the spaced invaders are a part of this? Okay, so I... From the 1980s...

You got really excited. Late 80s, early 90s, kids action movie, I believe. So, I have a whiteboard with me, which I was going to use to count the votes. But also, I think I need to use it to keep track of all the aliens. Okay. So, let's see, we got... Can I guess what was on that before you wiped it off? The thing that was on there for the last five years is,

Evan, get deodorant or reminder to yourself? All right. All right, we've got Alf, Shelton, the aliens from Close Encounters, Unkarplut, a.k.a. the one-quarter portion guy, a few Xenomorphs. Predator. Predator. And the spaced invaders.

There are five of them, and one of them just does a Jack Nicholson impression. Also, a cocoon from Cocoon is there. Yeah, just a cocoon, not an actual alien. Okay. And not the aliens from Aliens? No, not the aliens from Aliens. Xenomorph aliens are. Oh, that's what Xenomorph is?

Yeah, dumbasses. I thought, oh, I was conflating it with Animorph. What are the other ones that, the little robotic ones that fly around from the 80s? Wait, oh, the batteries not included? Yeah, the batteries not included aliens. Were those aliens or were those robots? I think they were aliens. Okay.

Who is the Jesus figure? The Jesus figure? Of the last suburb table of all these aliens. Oh, should we also play for everyone's favorite alien right now? Who's that? Superman. Oh, that's good. Okay.

Oh, he's definitely the Jesus one. You know, I liked, I saw Batman v. Superman, I liked it. I think a lot of people are giving it a lot of guff, and I think it's a perfectly fine action superhero movie. Maybe a little dark, maybe a little bloated, but I think it gets the job done. You know what? I too didn't mind Batman vs. Superman, and I don't get why everyone gets so snarky about Batman vs. Superman and then gives every Marvel movie.

Every Marvel movie gets a free pass. And Star Wars gets a free pass. Well, speaking of Batman vs. Superman, this really is kind of the Batman and Superman of burgers in and out versus Shake Shack. Oh, you're right. Well, I kind of agree that I don't know if these are the two best burgers that it's come down to. They are the two classics.

It really is an East vs. West. It's two ideas about burgers. Two very relevant burgers. Two very relevant burgers. They're both burgers that have very long lines to get to them, which we'll get to when we talk about our own experiences. So let's get into it, guys. Okay.

Okay. All right. So you've got a large stack of papers in front of you. Large stack of paper. These are the votes. Okay. These are the votes. So our first vote comes from a Pasto Boy's guest, John Gabriel.

Okay. Great guy. Great guy. He writes. Very funny. From our Outback Steakhouse episode. Right. As a native New Yorker.

Where do you think this is going? Oh, wow. Shake Shack. It pains me to say this. Oh, my God. But I am casting my vote for In-N-Out. Wow. Great burger.

A totally different price point than Shake Shack. Wow. Okay. Well, pricing doesn't come into it. Gabor's class act. So that's a one. Gabor's, come on now. In-N-Out is on the board.

Okay. Then we got Jess McKenna, who says, if I'm sending one burger to any mythical creature or alien, well, not any. You're sending it to the aliens from third car. The third car. Car plot. Alf. She don't have to read the fucking aliens.

Also, too. For what? For what? Jess McKenna was our guest on our first Tournament of Chompings episode. She came up with, she invented the send this to the alien system. So big points to McKenna for that. And you said for what? That's worth.

And the answer is quite a bit. Quite a bit. Yeah. So if I'm sending one burger to any mythical creature or alien, or just in space for past posterity, it's going to be In-N-Out. They're what a hamburger is all about. Wow. I'm a loyal member of Spood Nation, but Mitch, all your preferences were insane.

Jess. I'm such a fan of you. This is heartbreaking. I'm a burger boy on this burger. All right. Wow. Jess coming around to the burger brigade. Two.

Huh. I like where this is headed so far. This sucks. Okay. Then we've got Betsy Sedaro from the Taco Bell episode. Oh, I love Betsy. Actually, I think Betsy was on our Chick-fil-A episode. Oh, right.

Sorry, I'm confused by her note. She says, Shake Shack, baby. I wish I could have done Taco Bell. Oh, yeah. I thought she meant she could have voted for Taco Bell. We should have Betsy back and do another. We need to revisit Taco Bell anyway. We should have Betsy back for that.

Hell yeah. Okay. All right. Next is John Gemberling. Okay. Hi. This is John Gemberling. Why is he in and out in the finals?

I thought we settled that shit. Carl's Jr. is definitely better. What a sham. Not because it's my favorite, but because I feel it has the best chances of beating in and out and I really don't want that slop to win. I do like Shake Shack though. And then he actually wrote a little kind of paragraph here, which I think is very well put.

Let this incident stand as a lesson of how easy it is for decent, well-meaning people to slip incrementally into corruption, a contest at its core is meant to determine the best in something. It is a method devised to get at objective truth, eschewing passions and personal opinion. This tournament of champions may have begun in earnest legitimacy, but there were those in power who could not stand to see their personal beliefs overturned. Wow. Yeah.

That was very, very articulate and well-written, Gemberling, even though I disagree with you. So that is two for Shake Shack. It feels like a monologue that could have come out of Helen Hunt in Batman v Superman. Then we've got Helen Hunt. Wasn't she in that movie? Holly Hunter. Oh, Holly Hunter. Sorry.

Alright, next vote is from Joe Saunders. Holly Hunter. Okay. Is that the mom? She's the senator. Oh, that's right. Dan likes the mom. That's Helen Hunt and Holly Hunter, which I think is pretty common just as people confuse

Laura Dern and Laura Linney. Okay, fair enough. But yes, that was my mistake. Okay. Joe Saunders writes, after careful consideration, I cast my vote for, dot, dot, dot, in and out burger. Joe, you piece of shit. Good man, Joe.

Ugh. Oh. Next email, back from Joe Saunders, sorry, I've had a last minute change of heart and I'd like to change my vote to Shake Shack. Joe Saunders. What are you doing? Okay, are we allowing that? This is our first voting irregularity.

Yes, allow it. You can change, it's whatever your last vote is that's kind of the precedent we've established on the podcast. I'm the only guy who sent in a vote and got scared and sent in another vote. Joe Saunders. Alright, now we're at five votes in, do we kind of want to take a break and maybe talk about... Isn't there 40 votes?

Okay, we'll do some more votes. Okay. Let's try to get through 10. Next vote is Julie Brister. Julie's great. She says my vote is Shake Shack. Yes. I only went once, but still think about the Smoke Shack.

Yeah. Unfortunately, I'm writing this from a camera. I love you guys. Oh, no. So that is four, that is Shake Shack with four in and out with two. The aliens again are the aliens from Third Encounter, the Close Encounter. Don't worry about that. Okay.

Jack Allison. Oh, actually, Jack Allison Assistant writes... Oh, wow. Hello. I was asked to make you aware that Jack Allison is casting his vote for In-N-Out Burger in the Tournament of Chompions. Jackie Boy. He also asked me to include this note.

I'm shocked to find out you guys are still even doing a podcast. Grow up. Okay. Three for In-N-Out. And Jack was the guest on our Taco Bell episode, the second of our episode, and Mitch's former roommate. Yep, my former roommate. I'm shocked by this because, oh, whatever.

Go on. Keep counting the fucking votes. Jeff Dutton. In-N-Out. But I am overjoyed with the impact the five guys has made. Wow. Jeff. Okay.

We are at four and four. We are all tied up. Ben Axelrod. All right. He writes, leave me out of this mess. Carl's Jr. Yeah. Wow.

Wow. Okay. So we're allowing this, right? Well, I don't know. It's tough. I think that we got to count it. Yes. And, you know, this will kind of be like in, you know, the very topical what's going on

right now in the Republican convention. We may end up in a contested convention here. That if these votes, you know, these take away from maybe someone having a simple majority. Just as Marco Rubio, although he suspended his campaign, is holding on to his pledge delegates to take them to the convention in case there's someone without a majority, we're saying that this applies to Carl's Jr. Hardys. I still argue, if Carl's Jr. somehow gets 31 votes, then I think they can maybe walk

away with it. So it can still win. Yeah. Okay. All right. I mean, I don't think that's going to happen. Seems like a long shot. Can I also just say, yeah.

Can I also just count this for Carl's Jr. Hardys? We should have gone with the survivor theme, for God's sake. Well, I don't, but I don't see how the survivor theme would have worked because we're saying, like, in the survivor analogy, then each of these burgers, like each of these restaurants would be the survivor contestants, right? And we can't have, like, sentient restaurants coming in here and, like, giving their opinions out of the chains.

Listen, just, what's the guy who hosts Survivor? Jeff Probes. He would have just done a better job than Susse. We've been through 10 votes in 10 minutes. Next up, Matt Selman. Oh, wow. Executive producer of The Simpsons. Yep.

In and out. No comments. All right. Wow. Selman. Thank you, Selman. Good man, Selman. Okay.

Thank you for doing it, Selman. Bad choice, though. Emily Blotnick. Was Burger King eliminated for being too obviously the king of all burgers? Because that's my vote. Burger King, bigger burger boy, better respect the king. Wow. All right.

Yeah, Emmy. I'm the board. My girl's turning red. Yeah, Emmy, but I respect your vote. Neil Campbell writes, my vote is for in and out. My comment is, I guess in and out wins this battle of cheap food, but I know you two can afford to eat at nicer places where society's elite dine upon only the fanciest of cuisine. Doesn't the lavish and expensive burger created by a gourmet chef truly sound truly superior

in every way to these mass produced chain burgers? Well, again, Neil Campbell, not really on board for the concept of the podcast. Very, very elitist. Neil on our Pizza Hut episode gave Pizza Hut one fork, just seems to look down upon this whole concept of chain food. Right. Next up, Mike Carlson. He says, Wendy's, yes, and he has a picture of Dane Thomas as Deadpool attached.

Carlson, you're my man. That's great. Wendy's is back in it, baby. I do like Wendy's. Just to refresh, we are at six votes for in and out, four votes for Shake Shack and one vote for Carl's Jr., one vote for BK, one vote for Wendy's. So just to clarify, this is not at all political, this is like survivor. I'm also going to say, here's a new thing, to make it more like survivor, if at the,

I'm going to say at the end of this, if all the votes are tallyed up and a place isn't voted for for a burger, it's eliminated. But we each have a life raft to save a place that is possibly on the brink of elimination. But it still can't win if it doesn't have any votes, or what you're saying, we could bring it back and give our own votes. We could bring it back and give it in our own votes. I got you. So it basically could affect placement, it could affect denying someone outright majority.

Oh, that's interesting. You know, we haven't been talking about that. We'll have a placement, not just a winner, a first and a second. That's true. Oh, interesting. Okay, all right. Well, I will, I will say this, the lifeboat is fine, but also life raft, life raft is fine, but also each of us gets a blow dart, which we can use to deflate someone else's

life raft. That's fucking bullshit. I think I'm going to allow both of these. Okay. Okay. What the fuck? Nicole Byer. I think I'm going to go with In-N-Out.

Wow. Nicole, what the fuck? Nicole on my team. I know, after she spoke so effusively about loving Shake Shack, I was kind of, I'm surprised by that. That's so weird. So she voted for Shake Shack over Wendy's, and now she votes for In-N-Out over fucking Shake Shack.

And you're saying because I booked Nicole that that you're saying this is some sort of a spiel. Not only the spiel, but the fucker. Well, you booked her, but she worked on the fucking show you were on. You booked Gemberling for the Carl's Jr. Hardee's In-N-Out episode, knowing that he didn't like In-N-Out. Heather Campbell. Because he's right.

Heather Campbell writes In-N-Out, anyone who says otherwise is a fucking lunatic, poser trash person. I'm on Heather's team. Okay. Well said, Heather. Very well said. I think it's time to take a break. How many votes are we done?

Okay. We've done, we've got eight for In-N-Out, four for Shake Shack, one for Carl's Jr., one for BK, one for Wendy's. So I guess that brings us to 15 votes. And at this point in the podcast, how much do you think our listenership is atrophied? Oh, I think people are loving this. Okay. I think they're just getting excited because we're doing the votes.

I almost don't even know if we should slow down or if we should just keep burning through. Maybe we should talk about our meals real quick. Okay. A little break in the action. In our rankings, we don't have to say who we choose, but we should say what we rank them in terms of basketball. In terms of basketballs. Okay.

That's fair. So are we at about the halfway point? Yeah. We're at about halfway point. Okay. So that makes sense. Hopefully not the halfway point of the podcast. I'll go first and I'll say, I'll give my thoughts real quick.

I kept things simple. At Shake Shack, I got a Shack burger, which is the single beef patty, American cheese, fresh bun, lettuce, tomato, and spread. The spread very much like a Thousand Island dressing. The Shack burger is nakedly derivative of the In-N-Out burger. They have modeled the Shack burger on the In-N-Out burger. They've upped the quality of ingredients and they've drastically upped the price point. And I think that's the main point of comparison here, is that you've got a lot of, you've

got a lot of ingredients, a lot of ingredients, a lot of ingredients, a lot of ingredients. I think that's the main point of comparison here, is that you've got a lot of value and a lot of flavor at In-N-Out burger and at Shake Shack, you're spending a lot more money for something that's a little bit higher class, but is also clearly modeled on what In-N-Out has pioneered. And my Shake Shack burger was good. I would say my overall Shake Shack experience, we all went together, was a little inferior to the previous visit when we did it for the mini-sode for Shake Shack versus, oh fuck,

what was it? Five guys. I would say my overall experience was a little inferior. Cheese fries were fine, they were a little cold. I got the rainbow connection concrete. Oh, fries stay on the sidelines. I know, I understand sides stay on the sidelines and drinks are in the Gatorade jug, also on the sidelines, but I will just say as an overall experience, I feel like Shake Shack, this would

have been like a three and a half fork experience. It was overall a little shoddy, but the burger itself was good. Can I miss the part where overall experience got a number of basketballs? It doesn't. Overall experience is not part of it. I know, but I'm just saying. I agree, this is fucking outrageous. I'm just saying that the overall experience of the Shake Shack wasn't great.

The concrete was not well mixed, which was basically their version of a Blizzard not well mixed. I always feel like it was not worth the wait at this time, but the burger itself was good. In-N-Out burger, I had, again, a weird dining experience I had to eat in my car, in my park car, because the dining room at the Culver City location was so full that that was the only place I could find a seat for one, but that cheeseburger, I usually get the double double, that In-N-Out burger always delivers. Also, I got fries and nice tea, but yeah, I would say overall, if I'm just saying the

head to head, they're very similar, but that In-N-Out is always solidly executed. I feel like they're both consistent and well executed, and that was kind of my overall feeling. Should we all give our thoughts and then give our basketballs? Keep your basketballs. All right, I'll give my basketballs. Here, I'll do this quickly, because I'm taking a lot of time. Creativity presentation, eight basketballs for Shack burger, eight basketballs for In-N-Out

burger, condiments slash bun. They have a really good bun at Shake Shack, but I really love that toasted sponge dough at In-N-Out burger, and condiments, and we're also talking about veggies. I feel like they're fresh and good at both places, just at a different level in terms of what quality of produce they're putting out there. I would say, nine basketballs for In-N-Out burger, 10 basketballs for Shake Shack, burger slash taste, 10 basketballs apiece, they're both very tasty. Corporate values slash dollar value.

In-N-Out, I really like their corporate values. They pay their employees well, they compensate them well, they give them benefits. I feel like it's a very bed, what's the word I'm looking for? Benevolent corporation and the way they treat their employees, Shake Shack, my understanding is that Danny Meyer is a, who is in charge of the Shake Shack empire, is a good man and a good steward of his companies and has done a lot of good for the city, so I think they're good corporate values, but here's the thing, Shake Shack is more than twice the price of In-N-Out burger.

You can get an In-N-Out burger double-double and In-N-Out burger for less than $4. At Shake Shack, a double burger is $8.99, so by that metric for this category, corporate values versus dollar value, both good corporate values, but you're getting double the dollar value at In-N-Out burger, that's why I give In-N-Out burger 10 basketballs, Shake Shack five basketballs. That's such the biggest load of bullshit. I yield my time. Good, your time's up, motherfucker.

I'll also correct Weiger and say, we did not go together, Susser and I went to Shake Shack together and we ran into you and Natalie, who cut into our spot in the line and didn't even wait the entire time that you had to wait, so are you saying you had to wait for an hour? Wait, hold on. You offered us the spot in line, we spotted you, we coincidentally went at the same time, we spotted you, we spotted you with Jamie, Evan's wife was there too. Yeah, and I wanted Natalie to come join us.

We had a great time waiting together, we had a great dining experience, but it was a lengthy wait. Previously, when I was waiting in line with Joe Saunders and David Phillips, we ordered your food for you on our previous visit, so I think it evens out. Anyways, fuck you, Weiger. By the way, we saw an employee out in front of the building talking about how well she was treated in that restaurant. They get health insurance, they get paid well, they were getting paid.

It was Easter. It was Easter, they were getting paid double. I'm not denying the corporate values of Shake Shack, they seem to be a very responsible corporation. The price took it down fucking five basketballs though, and also, Shake Shack doesn't push fucking Christianity on you either. It's very subtle, it's very subtly played, and it's not in your face at in and out burger. Anyway, I got a double Shack burger, which was great.

It was fantastic. I really enjoyed it. I had no issues with my burger. I got a big order. I just want to let you know, I know everything's, the sides stay on the sidelines, drinks stay in the Gatorade container. Which is also on the sidelines? It's just also on the sidelines.

I got Strawberry Lemonade to try it, I think it was a Strawberry Mint Lemonade, had a little sip of that. I had the Shake of the Week, which was a Boston Cream Pie Shake, and it was delicious. We also got an order of fries that were, the fries were great, crispy. So much better than in and out fries, by the way. Just a million times better than in and out fries. Doesn't matter. I know, I'm just saying, so, so much better.

So much better. And then finally, Nick's lovely wife Natalie and I split a chicken shack. I had a bite of that too, yeah. So it was a big meal. Chicken shack was pretty good. It was good. It was a great, great meal, great experience for Nick when Nick was there and came. I really enjoyed it.

If I'm comparing that to in and out, which I brought to the podcast tonight, and I, excuse me, all I did was breathe backwards. I'm flemy. What do you want from me? I'm sick and I'm still here doing this podcast. Mitch, and you did, you brought in and out burgers for everybody, including Dustin. It was very nice of you. We all ate before the podcast.

I brought, yeah, I brought in and out burgers for everyone here. And they got the fucking order wrong. I ordered a double, double animal style with raw onions, the Armin, and they did not get that order. I wasn't in the bag. It was just a double, double animal style. Just a double, double animal style. Well, I got two single cheeseburgers, one for Evan, and I didn't know if Dustin wanted

one. So I got one for Dustin and then if he didn't eat it, Evan was going to eat it. And I got you a double, double animal style and I got myself a double, double animal style add raw onions. Mine was correct. Mine was not correct. And my animal style didn't have pickles. So that's negative points off.

Did you ask for pickles? Yeah. The animal style comes with pickles. I don't think animal style includes pickles, does it? I think it does. I think you have to ask for pickles. Well, whatever. They fucked it up regardless.

It was not that tasty. I did not enjoy it that much. It was actually a bad and without experience. You're sick. You're sick and you're eating a... I ate stuff earlier today that I liked. I had chicken earlier today. I loved it.

It was not a good experience. It was not that tasty. Just for clarity's sake, I had some french fries and a 7-up. French fries were bad like they usually are. And the 7-up was fine. And it out is a pretty good burger place. I would say it's borderline good to grain. When it comes to basketballs for...

What is the first one? Creativity presentation. Creativity presentation. Shake Shack gets 10. And an Oat Burger gets a 7. Oh. What's the next one? Condiments slash bun.

Condiments slash bun. This one's going to Shake Shack 10 because I love their bun. And they just have a better choice of condiments. I mean, you can do the same with In-N-Out. You got a lot of choices. In-N-Out gets 9 basketballs. And then for burger slash taste, that's going to be 10-9 in favor of Shake Shack. And finally, that lame last category that Nick added, corporate value slash dollar value.

I'm going to give it because Shake Shack got my order right, I would pay any amount. I don't care. I'd pay $20 for a meal and be fine with it. In-N-Out got my order wrong. And they pushed that dumb christian shit on you. 10 basketballs to 5 basketballs. Fuck you, Wager. It's the same standard to use that you would pay any price for something if your order

is correct. That's right. Well, sure. All right. Well, you need your discretion. Go ahead, Susser. So I'm so committed to this tournament that I've actually eaten at both of these places twice.

My first experience at Shake Shack, I had the Shack Stack, which is a cheeseburger and the shroom burger. Wow. So it's basically a cheeseburger with a fried mushroom on top. And this is incredible. This is, we waited in that line, well, you guys waited in that line that first time and I had it. And I thought, wow, this really, as commissioner, and I put it in the tournament, I kind of

felt like I had messed up because I thought this is so clearly better than any burger that is in the tournament. It's not fair. It is more expensive, which is something to consider. But I just like, it was like when Salieri hears Mozart for the first time in Amadeus. For what it's worth, Nellie got that same burger on her last visit and she confided me in the car, to me in the car. She said, I didn't want to say this in front of your friends because I thought they were

having a good time, but my burger fucking sucked. She had a very bad experience with that shake. When I returned, I did not have the same burger, I thought, okay, let me have the Shack Burger, something more traditional. And on our second visit, and I think you said this too, it was not very good. And I thought, oh man, this is not very good. Then so in and out, when I went the first time, I got a double, double animal style, my preference.

And it was one of the best, I haven't had it in a long time because it also has very long lines and it was great. And I even looked at the meat and I didn't even think they did this, but it was medium rare. It was not, like it was a little pink. It wasn't well done. Yeah, they'll cook to temp there. Yeah.

And I was kind of blown away by it and I was eating and I said, oh, this is so well done. Not temperature-wise. So I thought it was great. Then to even it out, Mitch, you texted before this podcast and said, if I would like in and out, I said, well, I did a Shake Shack twice, I should, in the interest only of this podcast, and I should get in and out again. Yep. As you said, they messed up the order and it was not medium rare.

It was just, and it was not very good at all. We had a single cheeseburger, I think, with ketchup and mustard on it, which is very, you have to very specifically make that call in an out burger. They'll usually only give you that spread. Right. So I did not like that. So I'm really, really torn. I think both of these, at their absolute best, are great.

And if I compare my best experience at Shake Shack to the bad experience at in and out, takes it no problem. And if I do the best experience at in and out versus the bad experience at Shake Shack, I would go in and out. I don't know. I'm very torn. Just to get into the basketball categories, creativity, obviously Shake Shack on the surface seems more creative.

Something like the Shroom Burger, specific burgers of the week, very creative. I know Natalie didn't like her burger experience, but I feel like they usually are able to execute kind of unusual burgers and execute them well, unlike maybe Hardee's or Carl's Jr., which not to say anything bad about burgers falling out of the tournament. But I think that sometimes they just are kind of throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks. Their batting percentage is a little low. Right.

I think Shake Shack is very deliberate and they usually succeed. In and out, on the other hand, as a creative person and if someone works in the creative field, there is a certain kind of beauty and elegance to them not having too many variations. They do one thing really well. Right. And in some way, isn't that the most creative choice? Yes. Is to do something so simple, like Manhattan being shot in black and white by Woody Allen.

These kind of choices. Oh my fucking god. In some ways, in and out is the Manhattan of burgers. So really close, I do give it to Shake Shack though and I give it, you know what, I can't even, I give it nine to nine on the creativity. All right. Okay. Then, Joe.

This is taking you longer than reading the fucking votes by the way. Okay. Joe. Joe, this is pretty simple. I think both of them are good, like bread, bun. Fundament slash bun is the category, not dough. Yeah, fundament slash bun. Joe, what the fuck are you talking about?

For my personal taste, I prefer the bun at Shake Shack. So I just give it nine and I do like it in and out. So I'll give it eight. Okay. And then burger slash taste. I mean, if I... This is the most important category. I think I would give it, again, if I hadn't gone a second time to Shake Shack, I would

have just said 10. Wow. But the second experience really did kind of make me question. So I'm going to go eight and a half. Okay. And I think I'll go nine for in and out. Wow. Very fair.

So I'm really torn. So let's get back to the votes. Okay. Do you have a quick basketball score for corporate value slash dollar value? Yeah, I don't acknowledge that category. Okay. Good choice. I'll give them...

Throw two fake numbers. Two and six. All right. Three there. It now gets a six. Okay. Yeah, of course. Fine.

You know what? Fine. It now gets a six. I wanted to offer this disclaimer about our Shake Shack experience. We went twice to a Shake Shack within its first week of opening. This is the first Shake Shack in the state of California. True. And I think they are a little overwhelmed.

In fact, we had an experience with an employee who was admittedly very overwhelmed, like admittedly very stressed out by the volume of people coming to this new restaurant where everyone is still learning their job. So I think that does affect their consistency of output a little bit. Go ahead, Cesar. Okay. We're back to reading more votes. Yes.

Great. Trisha, she writes, in and out forever. All right. And she says, if I had to send an example, if I had to send example humans to the aliens, I would send the dough boys. Oh, Trisha. Oh, very sweet. Thanks, Trisha.

She sent one of us. Alan Yang. Yang. Right. Come on, Yang. In and out. All right. Yang.

You guys don't know this, but I named myself Super Commissioner. What? Outranking Susser. Outranking Susser. My ruling is official and the tournament has actually been over for a while now. We're going to have to discuss that one with the rules, can we? I think Alan's right. I agree with that ruling.

All right. Scott Gairdner writes, Shake Shack. Yeah. Wow. Surprise. Scott. A Southern California native, so that surprises me. Mm-hmm.

And he also says, Shake Shack equals Kasek. John Kasek. John Kasek. Yeah. I don't know if that math quite works out the way or... It would be more the Carl's Jr. or the BK as kind of a spoiler. Yeah. One of those is the Kasek.

You've got maybe BK still holding onto its delegates like Rubio. Maybe Carl's Jr. Hardee's is the Kasek. Just a few strays are still loyal to the Ben Carson of the tournament, which I guess is... What else do we have there on the end? Five guys? No, no five guys. Okay. He also said, or Rudy, if you're going with a survivor thing.

Gotcha. Is that true? No. Aw. Okay. Mike Hanford says, I choose In-N-Out. All right, Hanman. He says, let me know when you're going to do the All Sodas and Oh My Damn Guy episodes.

Those are still great ideas. I don't get that. Do you? Yeah. All Sodas. He wants to do an episode where we do All Sodas. He's told me this before he's pitched it. And yeah, we'll do one.

We'll do an All Sodas with Hanford. There you go. It's going to happen. The Oh My Damn Guy is a classic five guys review guy who reviewed five guys and said, and they made a song out of it where he liked it so much, he said, Oh My Gosh, Oh My Damn, and then they made a song out of it. We'd love to have him on. He's on the...

I think he's on a food network show or something now, so he's more legitimate than us and he'll turn us down. Yeah. Okay. Eva Anderson. Our very first guest. Shake Shack. Yeah, Eva.

Mitch is a coward and a liar. What the hell? All right, Eva. Eva. I don't agree with your vote, but I defended it a day. Wait, we're on the same... Your life... You're right to say that.

Okay. Matt Besser in and out all the way. All right. Besser. Carl's Jr. shouldn't even be on the list. He would make his dad Carl Sr. ashamed, shouldn't have even been in a tournament. And let's see, Matt Koalik says in and out. All right, Koalik.

I can't believe you guys left off Fat Burger. Ice Cube must be rolling in his grave. Not that it's my vote. I think Fat Burger is too regionally affixed to LA. I think you can't really get a Fat Burger outside of the greater LA area, although it is a very good burger. Okay. Armin Weitzman in and out.

All right. Of course. Armin was the guest on our in and out episode, a big fan of the franchise. This sucks. Happy to have his vote. He's a special shout out to Kobe Bryant for an amazing 20 years with me and the rest of the Los Angeles. And of course, to our troops stationed all around the world for defending the country.

That's nice, Armin. Well said. Well said, Armin. Michael Cassidy in and out is the absolute best. They catered and also officiated my wedding. I assume he's joking about the officiated, but did they cater his wedding? They were at his wedding. There's an out truck and it was great.

It was a real highlight. Jordan Morris in and out by a nose. Jordan. Say it ain't so good. Good call, Jordan. All right. We're only halfway there, everyone. Jordan Roy, between Shake Shack in and out, I go Shake Shack solely on the fact that you

can get a badass hot dog. Hmm. Hmm. I don't know. I don't know if we can quite, I mean the vote I think stands, but I'm not sure if I follow the reasoning. Whatever. We'll take the votes anyway.

We can get them. Thank you, John. All right. Zoe Jarman in and out burger. Oh, Zoe. And also you can let Nick know that they started making turkey chili at Jackson Market. Oh boy. That is a beef chili, but sometimes they still make the beef chili.

That's a great L.A. chili tip. Oh, friend. Friend. In and out burger. She says I'm at work. Okay. That was my fault. I texted her.

Ryan Perez. In the tournament of Chompians, I vote for in and out. Oh, my God. It's a fucking runaway. Well, hold on. They've got, in and out has 18 votes. 18 votes. So the clear favorite at this point, but we're running long votes.

It's looking like they might be a little shy of getting to 30. Okay. For the majority. 31. Yes. 31. Yes. Out of 60.

Yep. Okay. Eugene Cordero. He votes for in and out. All right. And he also sent. Captain of Spoon Nation. Yeah.

He also sent the video message. Oh boy. That I will play. Yeah. Let's get this. All right. Five minutes later. As the captain of Spoon Nation, I no longer want any kind of Chompian anything.

He doesn't want a Chompian. He doesn't want a Chompian. All right. What the fuck, Eugene? I think he's proclaiming the entire tournament invalid if I can parse that statement. Yeah. I would say that's probably right. That's great.

He's not wrong. Yeah. He's right. That's why he's the captain of Spoon Nation. Annie. He votes. She says, I didn't reply because I couldn't decide. My mouth says Shake Shack, but my heart says in and out.

So in and out. Annie. Okay. Oh, and then just late breaking an email from Paul Rust. All right. Come on, Paul. Paul Rust says, I want in and out to be sent to the alien. I want in and out to be sent to the aliens because they are out of this world.

Remember when Mitch said that? I laughed so hard at Nick laughing at that. Thank you, Paul. And I said we did not receive votes from actually every guest. All right. This is where we're at, folks. That's fair. It's completely fair if someone had something else to do with their time.

Or anything. Yeah. So wait, so here's the thing. So we had 40 possible votes. We didn't get votes from every guest. Does that mean that you still need 31 for an outright majority? Are we counting those as abstentions? Are we saying they're withdrawn from the voter pool?

Shut up, you fucking nerd. Is the pool reduced by the number of people who didn't vote? Fine. You need fucking, how many does in and out have? 18. In and out has, no, 21. 21 now. All right.

You need 25. Fuck you, Weigert. Well, then Weigert gets five votes. Oh, wait. He's out of 31 still. No, it hasn't changed. All right. Fine.

We'll say that everyone who didn't vote was an abstention. We still have to get to 31 to get a majority of 60. All right. So that's where we're at now. So now it's time for our votes, I guess. Okay. Okay. Before we get to that, Evan.

Mm-hmm. Can you confirm the rumor that Nak the Weasel and Mighty the Armadillo have a romance in the Sonic the Hedgehog movie? Unfortunately, I'm not at liberty to say either way. All right. Before we get into that, I'm going to use my life raft. Okay. Wait, so real quick, before we get to the life raft, what is in?

We've got in and out with 21 votes. Okay. Shake Shack with seven votes. Carl Jr. with one, BK with one, Wendy's with one. Okay. I'm going to use my life raft for McDonald's. I don't think you can do that. I don't think you can use your life raft on something that's not yet been in the tournament.

And what's your anger? There's no way for McDonald's to get it. Sure. Okay. All right. McDonald's is now... You know what? I'm using my...

What is it? Let's start on McDonald's. That's fucking bullshit. All right. But I'm using my life raft on McDonald's. I would... Okay. So we've got one life raft for McDonald's that's been deflated, and then you brought

back a second life raft for McDonald's. All right. I am going to not use my blow dart yet, but I am going to bring back my own... I'm going to use a life raft. I'm going to give one to, I think, a fan favorite in the tournament of Champions, five guys. I think five guys... And we'll say this is... This got to vote from the people.

Great. So five guys is back in the tournament for whatever that means. Great. Okay. Also, I want to allow the spicy chicken sandwich from Wendy's to be in the tournament. What is happening? I feel like that's Wendy's best option. It should be allowed in the tournament.

No, because we're not saying which chain has the best sandwiches. We're saying which one has the best burger. Yeah, but I think Wendy should be the one exception that should be able to be spicy chicken sandwich. No, I don't think so. I wonder if people listening have noticed that we have started speaking much, much quicker as we look at the clock and it's at 80 minutes already. Well, whatever. We're done right now.

All right. And I'm not going to get my fucking way, but let's just fucking count down. Dustin, are you around? He's coming. All right. Dustin's walking into the studio. Maybe we should hear Dustin's vote first. Yeah.

Let's have Dustin. Oh, he's in here. This is perfect. Dustin, let's hear what your choice is. And if you want to give a little reasoning for that, feel free. But you have five votes to allocate however you wish between these surviving chains. Well, I mean, I haven't had Shake Shack. Sure.

Okay. I'm from Madison, Wisconsin. And when I first moved here, one of the first days was like, you have to go to In-N-Out. First time I had In-N-Out, we went on tour with Harmon Town. We toured the country to documentary on the way back the very last day we at California and our bus broke down and we pulled into an In-N-Out and we all ate it. I ate it for the first time. It was a very good experience.

But I also have to, I have to. Yes. In the show, like everybody like Nick and Mitch have their, like I have to be, you know, it's like I can't walk, when they walk out of the room, I can't really give my opinion as a producer of this show. Sure, sure. Because I don't want to damage my relationships with either of them. But during this tournament, I love Wendy's.

Yes. And I want to give a shout out to my very good friend, Elise Hallowicki, who our favorite thing to do is to go to Target and then Wendy's after and who she gets a Wendy's Frosty and we went immediately to the rustic inn and she added Bailey's Irish Cream to it. Wow. That's a nice move. It's a, it's a Frost, oh, Hallowicki Frosty. But I just, every, my entire life, I really like a Wendy's burger.

If I'm driving in the interstate and I'm traveling and I see a Wendy's, it's like I'm excited to go there. So I am going to throw my boat out. Wow. Dustin, that is great. Wow. Very well said, Dustin. Wow, I mean, that was, that was very dramatic because I don't know about you guys, I was

doing the math and I was saying if Dustin goes in and out. Yes. Then Weiger also seems pretty clear is going to go in and out and then in and out runs away with it. But by kind of being a spoiler and going with Wendy's victory seems harder for in and out. So that takes, that gives Wendy's six votes now. Six votes. It's very much in the conversation.

It's very much in the conversation. All right. How should we do this now? Susser, do you want to save your votes for last or do you want to go now? I would like to go now. Okay. Go ahead. You know, I said at the beginning I did not feel like the two best burgers were in the

competition. That's right. And even though I was the one that introduced Shag Shack, I feel like Wendy's really got the short end of the stick. And I was not, honestly, before Dustin said anything, I was not going, I was going to, it's probably going to go within and out. Sure. But I've been inspired by him.

So I'm also going to go with Wendy's. Yeah. Five more votes for Wendy's. So that takes Wendy's up to 11. Does Wendy's have more votes than Shag Shack at this point? At this point, Wendy's does have more votes than Shag Shack. Okay. This is very, this is very interesting.

I want to see where this keeps going. Mitch, your thoughts. My thoughts are, if I'm going to send a burger to the aliens, it's probably going to be a Wendy's burger. But hold on, I'm not done here. Since we're now naming first, second, and third place, and Wendy's already has second place and there's no way it can beat in and out for first place, I'm voting Burger King. So, wait, so Burger King, you're pushing that past Carl's Jr. Hardee's and into a clear

fourth place. Oh, fuck, fourth place? What a waste. All right, Wendy's. Just give it to Wendy's. All right. Okay. So Wendy's now has, what is it?

Wendy's has 16. Wendy's has 16. What does In-N-Out Burger have? In-N-Out Burger has 21. In-N-Out Burger has 21. Wendy's has 16. Shag Shack has 7. So there's no way, even if I throw all of my votes in and out Burger, there is no way

that it will get an outright majority. That's correct. That's correct. So there's no way for something to get to 31 votes. So we were going to have a brokered convention. For that reason, I'm giving my five votes to Wendy's. Both will be knotted up at 21 delegates apiece and we can decide at this point in the process. We can decide at this point in the process.

I think this is the fairest way. Oh no. We've got these two that are tied and we can decide which one reigns supreme that we will send to this last supper table filled with aliens. Wow. The three of us right now. Yeah. I can't believe you did that, you fool.

All right. On the countdown of three, it's In-N-Out versus Wendy's. In-N-Out versus Wendy's. Three, two, one. In-N-Out. Wendy's. In-N-Out Burger. In-N-Out Burger.

In-N-Out Burger. The winner of the Tournament of Champions, rightfully ascending to the throne. In-N-Out Burger. Congratulations. You deserved it. You fought all the way. You've had excellence since 1948, a Southern California staple, the pride of the West Coast. We're all proud of you out here.

I just heard all of Southern California give out a mighty cheer because... The podcast is almost over, that's why. Because this podcast is almost over, this tournament is finally over, and you can take your place in the pantheon of excellent chains because you have won the Burger Role. Wait, hold on a second. Hold on. Shouldn't Dustin have had a vote between Wendy's and In-N-Out too? Too late.

In-N-Out. In-N-Out won. Mitch, here's the thing. You piece of shit. I'm sure it hurt that I voted one way, and then seemingly arbitrarily voted the other way, almost like when someone voted for Burger King, and then switched their vote to five guys. Wow.

You could have... This is what you call a long con, a long revenge. This is like... I brought your hopes up only to dash them. It sounds like you guys were in on this together. No, we did not. You opened yourself to In-N-Out losing right then. What if he had said Wendy's?

I was trying, and the whole time it's just been combative, and I was saying, let's come together, let's come to a consensus. Only so it could come more combative at the end. God damn it. Susser, like the cask of a Montiado luring Mitch into a slumber, and then... Look, I vote... So, In-N-Out, Wendy's and Shake Shack, those are your gold, silver, and bronze medal for the first tournament of the show.

I'm happy that I do think Wendy's in second place is good. I feel good about that. Okay, me too. So, I think that the tournament turned out okay. You know what? Yes, because Wendy's, I think, was unfairly against Shake Shack, and they got eliminated. They didn't even get a single win. We got one episode devoted to this Platinum Plate Club chain, and yeah, they maybe deserved

a little bit better. I'm glad they get that second place. And I think that Shake Shack should be investigated in a future episode, really get its own episode. But honestly, Shake Shack got its butt handed to it in this, you know, when going up against In-N-Out. That's true. I mean, it's not even close. Well, I wonder what happened when In-N-Out went up against Wendy's.

It's a good question. It's a question for a future tournament. For a future tournament of Chompies. I would just, I would like to say this at this point. Since In-N-Out Burger won the contested, the contested delegation, and the contested convention, and my votes are invalid, I would like to, or my votes didn't end up mattering, I would like to reallocate my votes to five guys, so that five guys is tied for fourth place with Carl, with Carl's Jr. Hardee's.

Wait, no, isn't it a clear fourth place, right? What would, no, if you... No, shut the fuck up. But then Wendy's would have not even been in the head to head. Yeah, this is bulls**t. You can't do it. No more. Fine, fine, fine.

We've drawn the line. Five guys lost. In-N-Out won, I'm happy. Five guys in the end. Justice has been done. Right? Yeah. Sure, I guess so.

Well, that was the Tournament of Champions, Chompians. She didn't even say the name. I know, I fucking, I'm not even coming close to sticking the landing. Who cares? Thank God it's fucking over. Thank fucking God. Mercifully, it's over. Sesser, thank you for all of your hard work.

We can close this dark chapter and hopefully never revisit it. So... Until next year, when we do it even bigger and even better, with much more mini-sodes and much more twists and turns. Oh, boy, we'll see. We'll see. That's right, you won't be on the podcast again for another year. That's true.

I am sure that's not going to be the case. My understanding, Evan, as we move on from this excellent, outstanding result of In-N-Out winning, is that you have brought a segment for us. Yes. Okay, great. Jesus, you've already taken over the fucking show enough. You have done more work for this episode than Mitch has done over the entirety of the podcast.

I'm curious to see what this is that you brought. From time to time, I leave the country and travel the world, and when I do, I like to sample snacks and bring them back home to share. Oh. This is a new segment called, Where in the World is Evan Susser? Oh, my God. Oh, my fucking God. I'm glad that we played so many fucking theme songs.

Okay, so let me get the snacks. All right, Susser is stepping away to a satchel. He has resting on a music stand in the back. Also, didn't I do this when I went to Columbia? Yeah, you did. You brought some Colombian snacks. Which I'm also still probably sick from. Dustin, also, if you can, please bleep out any of the flummy noises I've been making

over the course of the episode. That sounds like something that would take three hours to do. Especially the one Evan said gross to at one point. A bunch of arbitrary bleeps not over language, just confusing everybody. So what do we have here? I went with some familiar stuff and some not familiar stuff. Great. Are these from various nations around the globe?

They are from various nations around the world. Okay, one of them looks opened. From Tokyo. Wow. We have KitKats, but unique flavors of KitKats. Oh, wow. Not available in the U.S., at least to my knowledge. We have a chili passion fruit KitKat.

Mm-hmm, weird. We have a shinchu apple KitKat. All right. We have a strawberry cheesecake KitKat. Ooh. And some sort of purple KitKat. So these aren't chocolate that you have like a little bit. They have some fruit flavor.

I think they have chocolate with a fruit flavor. Chocolate with a fruit flavor. Okay. All right. So again, from Thailand, we have these Baskin Robbins. Again, I went kind of things that are familiar. Got you. Brands will recognize, but flavors that we won't see.

I mean, Baskin Robbins candy is nothing. Right. Yeah. No, I thought it was interesting. And honestly, I do not know what these are. Okay. But they looked kind of like a Baskin Robbins candy. And then from Hong Kong, on my first episode, you asked me about shark fin soup.

Yeah. This is, it's not actually made with shark fin, but this is shark fin soup flavored pretzels. Oh boy. Oh, that sounds real disgusting. So that is what we've got for you guys here. Let's start with the shark fin pretzels because the other two sound very unpleasant. This one sounds very unpleasant. The other two sound a little bit more palatable, so it might be a nice palate cleanser after

we're going to put them out. Shark fin flavored pretzels? Shark fin soup flavored. Again, I don't, I'm 99% sure that this does not actually include shark fin. Okay. And you are fluent in Cantonese to read that ingredient list. Yeah, sure. All right, great.

All right, here we go. They were passing these around. These look very much like normal pretzel sticks. They do look like normal pretzel sticks. Unsalted. I'm going to go ahead and take a bite of this one. Okay. It's not bad.

It's kind of got a brothy sort of umami flavor. It's sort of, I said brothy because I'm thinking of shark fin soup, but it does taste like kind of like beef broth. It kind of has that, what's the word I'm looking for? Worcestershire sauce is kind of what it reminds me of. Here's the bad news. I think I like shark fin soup. Yeah.

I think it tastes, this tastes, I don't like this because it's weird. Like, I don't want to eat more than this. Yes. But I think that if I was eating this as a soup, I would like this. Yeah. You know what this reminds me? The closest flavor profile I think this relates to in the Western world is the chicken and a biscuit cracker, which is a very specific type of cracker, but it tastes a lot like that

if you had one of those. And I should actually give credit to my wife, Jamie, who actually was the one who picked these up. Okay, so I think they're disgusting and I hit them. Oh, interesting. I think there's something, but it may just be a mental block. Yeah. Yeah.

No, they're not that good. No. But I could picture that as a soup. I wouldn't maybe like that. Okay. You had shark fin soup. I mean, I shouldn't admit that to the world. People are going to hate you.

No, you talked about it in my first podcast appearance. Yeah. I didn't like it. You brought it up. All right. So now should we move on? How was it though? You liked it, right?

You know, I don't know. It was, you had to, it was another people's, it was the Japanese custom and you ate it because you were there. Sure. But we're not going to excuse for that. I shoved people out of the way to get some. Then we have the, do you guys want to do the Kit Kats or the Baskin Robbins? Let's do the Baskin Robbins.

Okay. Yeah. Fuck. Baskin Robbins. Just do whichever one who gives a shit. Thank God this fucking tournament is over. Who cares? Mitch, if the outcome was Wendy's, you know you would have been gloating.

So. Wait, are there, are there, are there, can I, can we each get a flavor? All right. Let's see. I've got red, whatever red is. I've got red and green now. You get red and green. Yeah, what are these?

Susie, are there bugs in this or no? I don't know. I cannot read the name. Can you, but on the front, does it look like there's anything in the candy? A few bugs. No, it looks like one of them is strawberry and one of them is maybe, oh it's, look, they're ice cream. So it's like strawberry ice cream and maybe mint chip ice cream or.

This one tastes like bubble gum. Yeah, the green one tastes like bubble gum. That's kind of gross actually. And it's like chocolate. It's very weird. It's very crunchy. And look at the bubble gum. Oh, it's, oh no.

It's like a. Pop rocks. Pop rocks. Oh, does that shit in there? It's. It seems like a candy that like little kids would like. Yeah. Chocolate and bubble gum does, I don't think that works together.

There's, there's pop rocks inside the chocolate. That's exactly what it is. The red one is closer to a, a cherry, it's kind of medicinal. Yeah. Not bad. Not, not my favorite though. Not my favorite. I prefer it to the, the green one, which was bubble gum flavored for some reason.

Interesting. Okay. I like that. How about you guys over the Kit Kat? Which, and refresh my memory. Was that one from Japan? That was from Thailand. That was from Thailand.

Okay. So we've had a savory snack from Hong Kong, a sweet treat from Thailand. And now we're having another sweet treat from Japan. There's four Kit Kat flavors. Okay. So I've got, this is a chocolatey. I've got chocolate tory special and a Shinju apple in my hand. I'm going to break off half a bar and then give the rest to you guys.

Let me try and take off a little bit. And I'm trying the strawberry cheesecake. Here's the Shinju apple, send that this your way. Here we go. Thank you. Doesn't Susser need some? Yeah. Susser does need some.

So you can give, oh yeah. I just had the strawberry cheesecake and it's good. I like it a lot. It's my favorite snack so far. That apple one is really, it's very apple-y. I mean, it really does taste like a crisp apple covered with chocolate. I like it. Interesting.

I'm trying the strawberry cheesecake now. I like it too. The apple one's decent. The strawberry cheesecake was my favorite. And this is like a white, it looks like a white chocolate, handing this over to Susser. All right. And this one, which can only be described as purple, I have no idea what the fuck this is.

It just looks purple. I'm opening up the, as you're doing that, I'm opening up the chocolatory special. The white chocolate cheesecake is good. It's really good. Yeah. I mean, I would say these Kit Kats are clearly the best. These are the winners. Yeah.

Purple. All right. Hmm. I don't even know what the purple is still. No, chocolatory. There you go. Is that? Oh, perfect.

In that one. Susser, here's a chocolatory. This one just tastes like dark chocolate to me. Oh, the, oh my God. I know the purple is like, is it like a tea or something or like, Oh, purple. This is the last one. Yeah. Yeah.

I can't tell what that is. What is that? Like jasmine or like what is like a, like a, like a floral. I tell you that chocolatory one I had is just, is burning my throat a little bit. I think it's got a little chili. Oh, it has a little chili in it. That's what it is. Okay.

That was the, that was the chili and passion fruit. Oh, okay. So why did I just read chocolatory on it? There you go. Did you have this one? Mm-hmm. You have the chili one? Yeah.

I had the chili one. Chili one is a little bit spicy for a candy. Surprising. I don't know about this purple one and it has a weird aftertaste, like a floral. Yeah. The other one, it's maybe cherry blossom. Oh, okay. A very popular flavor.

Okay. Yeah, it was a little weird. Mm-hmm. Well, if I had a vote for a favorite of all these, this segment where you brag about how you travel around the world, I got to go with the strawberry cheesecake, Kit Kat. I think that's my favorite one. Yeah. If we're determining a winner here, I don't know, I'm torn between, I definitely like

the Kit Kat, so it's my favorite. I'm torn between that one and the apple one. I'm going to go apple just because it's a very novel to me. Like I have not stumbled upon a chocolate apple flavored candy before and that one was very well executed. What about you, Susser? I would go with the apple too, I think. All right.

Sounds just like the fucking choppy and shit. Now on this, was this a business trip that you took to the Far East? It was a vacation with my wife and then, to be honest, the Hong Kong I did not actually go to, that was a business trip for her. Oh, gotcha. All right. Great. It is a gift.

But you have taken a business trip to Japan, perhaps to meet Yuji Naka from Sonic Team. Mm-hmm, sure. On any of these discussions, was it ever brought up the idea that SBO, the Chameleon, and Vector the Crocodile would have a presence in the Sonic the Hedgehog movie? Unfortunately, I'm not at Liberty. Okay. All right. Well, I hope Vector shows up because I think he's a real fan favorite, the real five guys

of the Sonic universe. Are you trying to get like the weirdo Sonic fans to listen to this podcast? Look, I dropped a Shelton reference, all right, I don't think you can go any deeper than that. How do you think the tournament the Chameleon's wrapped up, guys? I think this was a disaster. I think this actually was a good capsule of how this whole tournament has gone is that it was just sort of like it was chaos and it maybe ended with an okay result, but it

was the fucking madness. I was just saying chaos is from Sonic as well. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, this is a disaster, 100 minutes, not worth anyone's time. I'm sick from this tournament, I have to work tomorrow, it's a mess. Everything is a mess. Yeah. I feel like our energy was off.

I feel like don't fucking break down the podcast. I feel like it wasn't, it's not, it's like a difficult to listen to. I don't know. I feel like it's a little uneven. I was flemmy at one point. It's bad all around. I feel like I'm having trouble formulating words and maybe a little dizzy as well. I think you're going to get people are going to love this.

All right. I don't know. I'm expressing my doubts. I didn't like the guest. Sure. Hey, I'm sick of me too on this podcast. Evan, you're welcome back anytime to hopefully have another edition of Where in the World is Evan Susser.

My main thing with this podcast is we could have read those 40 votes in five minutes. I think the drama, I think it is built. It was exciting. I think it is, it was a lot to get through because we had each guest make a statement, which I was happy to hear their reasoning. But yeah, it was just a lot of... I think we should have communicated to you guys in advance. Like, this is going to take a while.

We should start with that right away. Didn't you do that though? Didn't you ask me if you had to give a full statement for everyone and I said, don't feel like you have to and then you did it anyway? Oh, no, no, no. Sure. All right. I actually did edit.

He's been out of them. Well it's fucking over. Wendy's came in second. It couldn't take down in and out. I think people were wrong. I don't think in and out is the best. Yeah, I mean, I feel like this whole thing was messed up. It's primarily the people voting are people who live in Los Angeles, who are very influenced

by the in and out is great thing. But they're not all like people who grew up in Los Angeles, which is sometimes a criticism of in and out is like, oh, they're people, it's people from here and that's just nostalgia. There's a lot of expats who moved to LA and adopted in and out burger as their favorite burger because it is just the best burger around, including yourself, Evan. Well, no matter what we say, no matter what we say, Nick will get angry and start ranting like the ass burger man. He is so just like a restaurant.

We value your feedback. Let's open up the feedback. Today's email comes to us from Earl Pope. Earl writes, I recently saw that Alton Brown has a promotional burger at Umami burger that is breakfast themed. I believe Heather Ann Campbell, who voted for an out burger, mentioned that they always have a similar promotion with a celebrity chef. The burger has bacon lardons in the past and is topped with cheddar smashed cheese, cheesy

tots, miso maple bacon, fried sage leaves, coffee ketchup and a fried egg. A lot going on there. If the dough boys were approached by a burger place, not necessarily a chain to create their own celebrity burger, what would be on it? Would it have an overarching theme like Alton Brown's breakfast burger? Should burgers like these have an abundance of weird toppings to separate them from conventional items on the menu? Mine would be a spin on a green chili cheeseburger, a Colorado, New Mexico staple that incorporates

elements from a green chili breakfast burrito. I'd have a patty that was half beef, half chorizo topped with roasted green chilies, crispy hash browns, jack cheese and a fried egg. Sounds pretty good, Earl. What do you guys think? What would be on a dough boys burger? Well, we're not celebrities. So already this is out the window, no one would hire us for this, but here's my thing.

If you do own or operate a burger restaurant anywhere in the country and you're willing to do a dough boys burger, please tweet at dough boys and say, I'll make your burger. Hashtag, I'll make your burger. I like that. All right, great. We won't get any responses. For me, I will say that I feel like every specialty burger always puts a fucking egg on it.

Yeah. And I feel like egg overtakes burger too much. It just makes it all about like the egg is really overpowering that yolk. It's kind of had its day. I think it's time to move on from that over easy egg on a burger. How about you put some scrambled egg? How about that? An interesting idea.

Scrambled egg on a breakfast burger. Why not? No one does that. It just started with everyone puts egg on a burger. How about scrambled egg? Because it's always a fried or over easy egg. It's too much. It's too much.

What would you say for a burger? Wait, so your suggestion is scrambled eggs? No. I'm trying to think of what would be the idea. I mean, we have to create this together. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like... The three of us, I guess.

Yeah. I guess you're now somehow a part of this. I would say I have a similar kind of exhaustion with bacon. Although I love bacon, I feel like it's on so many burgers and is kind of present on so many burgers and I think is a crutch. And I would say let's try this bad boy without bacon. And I would say, as a nod to our formerly kosher friend, let's do this burger without cheese.

Okay, this burger sucks. Let's see if we can craft a cheeseless burger that is fit for a king. You know what I've never seen before? What do you guys think of this? Go for it. You know, like, egg, like, have you ever done this thing with, like, egg again? Yeah, no, hold on. I'm just explaining it.

Like, eggs in a hole or something where you have a piece of toast. You cut out the middle and you put the egg in there. That's right. Imagine that with a burger and then the inside is cheese. You ever seen that before? I think I have seen that. I like that. You have seen that.

Well, they have a Scotch egg, which has the egg cooked inside of the beef patty. But I think I have seen that. I think there's a... I feel like I saw something on Diners, Drivens and Dives where they put the cheese inside of the burger patty. But it's a good idea. Oh, so there's the Juicy Lucy, which is in Minnesota, which is right. It's Minnesota.

Is this different from it? So is this what he's describing? That's one that the cheese is cooked into the burger patty. Yeah, no, this is different. This is more... Okay. I don't know how it would work exactly. Like, in the center of the burger?

In the center of it, it's filled with cheese and an egg. I wouldn't... Like a little donut hole. But maybe that's a good way of doing it. Yeah, maybe cheese and an egg, even though we just said that egg overpowers it. All right, so cheese and scrambled eggs in the donut hole of a burger. Is that a donut hole burger patty? Bacon on top.

It's the breakfast. That is the breakfast, the Doughboy's breakfast burger. So we've just made a breakfast burger just with the ingredients to arrange it differently. What type of bun? Donut bun. All right. So this is basically a thing where you can see down the middle and then the middle you're looking down is you're just seeing egg and cheese.

That's right. Yeah. That sounds bad. It sounds really bad. I think we did a bad job. The top is a donut. The bottom is a croissant so that you got the... This sounds so disgusting.

All right. If you're out there and you're willing to make this burger, I question your business skills. Hold on a second. Because it sounds really bad. For me, here are burgers that I like. Yeah. At one point, I liked the bacon double cheese burger from Pizza from Domino's, so I'm just thinking of that in my head.

Two... So the burger you'd make is a pizza. So hold on. Two, I also liked the Philly Cheesesteak burger from Carl's Jr. and that was a great promotional burger. That was good, yeah. They did a great job with that. So if you think about those two things, what would be a good kind of...

I guess my burger would be a pizza. I guess you're right, Susser. How do you make a pizza burger? That's what I want. That exists, too. I know, but they've never been good. Yeah, they're never good. They're always a little bit funny.

Pizza crust is a bun. Pizza crust. Yes. So here it is. It's a burger. It's got American cheese on it, okay? It's got bacon on it, okay? I thought we said no bacon.

It's got bacon on it, sure. Oh, shit. No, no, no. I'm sorry. It has pepperoni on it. Okay. All right. It's a cheeseburger, American cheese, pepperoni on it.

Again, it shouldn't be mozzarella if we're talking about a... Will you shut up for a second? Then you get pizza dough. You put some marinara sauce. You put sprinkle mozzarella cheese. You form it around the burger. You put the burger in the oven and you bake it, and that's the pizza burger. So you're making like a calzone, basically, with a ground beef stuffing.

No. It's a burger. It's a burger patty. How is it not a calzone? It sounds like you described a calzone. Maybe you cut off the sides somehow so it looks more like a burger. Yeah, you cut off the sides. I feel like people would sell that as a burger calzone.

But we tell them not to. All right. It's still a burger. This burger sounds fucking good. It sounds pretty good. Some version of pizza crust and pizza as the bun of a burger. I'm not a scientist. I don't know how to ask you're not.

I think this is a winner. I hope that, you know, many places start selling these burgers. It sounds pretty good. Which one would you pick of the two? I find the American cheese a little suspect. God damn it. Fuck you. I feel like American cheese is not a part of pizza.

We're having fun. We're coming over the burger. I'm a little suspect. I don't know, buddy. I think it should be something else. What else do you have? What do you have, Nick? I don't know.

How about two all beef patties, two slices of American cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fresh or grilled onions, and a secret sauce unchanged since 1948 all on a toasted sponge dough bun. The in and out double double. The winner of the burger brawl. You sure you don't want to change your route to Wendy's? I think you can't do much better than that. You've still got a second to change your route to Wendy's.

I don't even know anymore. Oh my God. This has killed me just as much as it's killed all of you. If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at doboyspodgas at gmail.com. It's a saster. Follow us on Facebook, just Do Boyz. Check out our Twitter feed, which is at Do Boyz Pod, and Evan Susser, thank you for joining

us. Thank you for contributing so much to this podcast, for contributing so much to this tournament, for whatever it was, and... It was something great, guys. Oh, thank you for saying that. And if, you know, look, there were a lot of highlights, a lot of lowlights, but I think I had a lot of fun listening to it and being any part of it that I was, and this was a great championship.

I think you mentioned at the beginning that it, you know, we'll see if it becomes as big as March Madness. Well, frankly, I think that's false modesty. It absolutely will be. And to kind of commemorate this first championship, I put together a little montage that if we're ... are we done now? Yeah, we'll have this play us out, and that's the end of this episode of Do Boyz. That's the end of this tournament of champions.

We'll play us out with Evan Susser's little montage that he's crafted. And for the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell, I'm Nick Weigher. Until next time, happy eating. See ya. So, the tournament of champions, this is a new thing, very long, bad title. The excessive verbiage is part of the spectacle. This whole tournament will be a mess. We're getting down to what's the best burger.

Of all the places we reviewed, we're gonna find out what's the best burger of the bunch. That's exciting, right? The balls are set, Shake Shack will be taking on In-N-Out Burger, East versus West, Princess Leia. Spoiler alert. It is Princess Leia's dad is Darth Vader. Oh. We're gonna be reviewing them based on three categories, presentation, creativity, and

taste. Sides, stay on the sidelines, drink, you're in the stink. My thought I kept telling myself is like, if I had to send an alien a burger and be like, don't destroy us, look what we made, we made this great thing, what would I send? Wow. I love that. Five Guys is a great burger. I wish it all the best in this tournament.

I think it could really go far. Three, two, one, five guys. Well that's our decision. That's official Burger King versus Steak and Shake, the three seed. I fuck you, Fud Rockers. Fuck In-N-Out Burger. Do you want to bring it back into the tournament? It's a three way, it's like one of those basketball games where they have three teams involved.

We need to previously on to understand everything that's going on. And I'm giving them each an amount of basketballs for each category. Yes, you were at ten basketballs per category. What have we done with this tournament? I am declaring an emergency meeting. Wait a minute, Evan Susser, tournament commissioner, just barged into the studio, unannounced. I didn't mean to really shake the colds up that much, but I'm livid. You're laying the match.

From Mac and me. This charade has officially reached the status of debacle. I hate pickles, mustard, and soup. What the fuck? This is insane. You started this, alright? I'm not going to act like King Solomon anymore. You are about as fun as Arumba.

Well you know what? Arumba is hard working and does the job it's supposed to do, so I will take the compliment might make you. Jesus Christ. Alright. This is going to be given ten seconds in the penalty box. In the movie. Cool.

Really? Yeah, for real. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.

Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.

Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.

Cool.