Doughboys - Tournament of Chompions: FINALS with Paul Rust

Episode Date: March 30, 2017

The finale of Munch Madness 2017: Chicken Fight has guest Paul Rust (Netflix’s Love) returning to help crown a Chompion. Will Popeyes continue to dominate the competition? Can Wingstop keep alive its Cinderella streak? Does the winner of Fat Chance Kitchen stand a chance in the main competition? One thing’s for sure: Commissioner Susser will throw some curve balls that make Mitch and Wiger mad. It all comes down to this!Make YOUR chompion predictions @ www.feralaudio.com/chompions2017Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Last time, on Fat Chance Kitchen, our pick of the winner, three, two, one, Wendy's. Yay, Joe, thank God, for God's sake. Thirty million BCE. Fossil records suggest the origin of Fasianids, the largest family of heavy ground-dwelling birds. 7000 BCE. A species of Fasianid, the red jungle fowl, is domesticated in the Ganges region of India and the Hebei province of China, and would come to be known as the chicken.

1747 CE. British writer Hannah Glass publishes The Art of Cookery Made Plain and Easy, which contains the earliest known recipe for fried chicken, a dish jointly originated by African Americans and Scots. 1952. Colonel Harlan Sanders opens Kentucky Fried Chicken in Salt Lake City, Utah, the first of the fried chicken chains. 1917.

The Doughboys decide which American franchise's chicken reigns supreme to receive the most prestigious award in chain restaurant competition, the Dave Thomas Cup. This week on Doughboys, the finals of Munch Madness, the Tournament of Champions, Chicken Fight presented by Star Burns Industries, Popeyes, Wendys, Wingstop, Let's go! Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants, we're production of FeralAudio.com. I'm Nick Weiger, alongside as always my co-host, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. Mitch, this is it, the finals. You got something in your beard.

Huh? You got a little something in your beard. It's probably. You got it. Chicken. Yeah, you were munching on Popeyes as we were about to go into this. During your intro, I was munching on Popeyes. Were you having a wing or a thigh?

I was having some sort of wing. Okay. Wait, you didn't know what it was? That's a bad sign. I just want to say my most serious of all, Howdy Ho, Spoon Nation. Now I want to recap the rules real quick and then want to get our guest in here because the stakes are very high. He is in here literally, but we'll get him in here by introducing him into the podcast,

you're saying. Yeah. We're not keeping him outside of the room in like a isolation chamber. Just to make it clear for people, he's not outside of the room. I think people understand how this works. The guest is sitting by the microphone. We just haven't introduced him yet. Look, let me recap this real quick.

This is our tournament of the best chain restaurant chicken in case this is your first episode of Doe Boys. You're not sure what we're doing. This is a real weird jumping on point. But our full tournament practice on ferrelaudio.com, we've been doing this all March along. To recap the rules, side stay on the sidelines, drinks are in the Gatorade jug, also on the sidelines. We're only judging chicken.

And this is the finals. Fat Chance Kitchen, which was our loser's bracket on our bonus episodes, revealed that last time Wendy's was the winner and is re-entering the competition, had a tough fight versus churches, but clawed its way back in after a loss to Wingstop. So we got a little bit of a rematch going on here. Wendy's versus Wingstop, but also the third wheel Popeyes, I think it's anyone's game at this point. It's anyone's game.

This is a close race. I am very, very excited about it. Our guest, he told me, he said, I'm so excited about this. I can't believe it. This is, this is insane. This is like, do you remember the feeling you had when Independence Day came out when you were a boy? Yeah, it's pretty exciting.

I mean, I was like, I was a little older. I'd say I was a teenager, but I was pretty excited. What have you ever been excited for? No, but I was just going to say, I don't know if I, like, do you think of a teenager as a boy? I guess so. Oh my God. I mean, you can get prosecuted as an adult.

That's probably his own thing. That's like a problem in and of itself with our criminal justice system. I just want to say that this was exciting. That's what I wanted to say. It is very exciting. Also, our guest didn't say that I lied. No one is excited about it really, besides you and I, because we're excited it's over. Yeah, we're excited that we're finally done with this, I mean, not the podcast.

Unfortunately, the podcast has to keep going at this point. It's a millstone around our neck, but we're going to continue. But this part of the podcast, this most punishing on our bodies portion, the tournament is finally going to be done at least until next year. We'll never, we should not do it again. This should be the last one. This is the last one. Right now we're deciding this is the last Munch Madness.

We had a two year history. It's finally time to call it quits, but let's introduce our guest, the co-creator and star of Love on Netflix, season two is streaming right now. Paul Rust is back. Hi, Paul. Hey, Nick. Hey, bitch. How you going?

Hey, dude. Thanks for having me back. It's a true honor to be here at the end of Munch Madness. Oh my God. We're so excited to have you. Oh my goodness. Like Pinocchio. You lied.

You lied right to our faces that it was an honor. This is a delinquent boy island, right? Island of Misfit Toys. That's not the name of the island of Misfit Toys, right? Is that what they thought so? They don't go to the island of Misfit Toys. Is that something else? That's the Rudolph, right?

Is it? This is like the island of naughty boys or something. It's yeah. They turn into donkeys in Pinocchio. I just like to think that that's where we're at right now. Right. Yes. Yes.

Yeah, I agree that we're at the donkey island. Well, we're in Mitch's Park. We're on donkey island. Right. That's the, no matter what you find on the laptop, let's agree that it's a donkey island. It is. It's called Pleasure Island. Yes.

But I think it should be called Donkey Island. Pleasure Island sounds a little sexual. It sounds like weirdly too horny. Well, you all be in Disney heads. But remember, what was the adult nightlife area of Disney World? I know. That's what it was called. It was called Pleasure Island.

Really? Yeah. So they're suggesting that when those yuppie adults, those parents go out late at night and leave their kids in a hotel and they go down, I guess they're saying that that's a donkey island. So parents might come back turned into donkeys. Do you think donkey from track was one of the kids turned into donkey? I think it makes sense.

If they could say that, that's the reason why he can speak English and so on. Do they ever justify donkey? Like I've seen three Shreks, but I don't think I ever remember it explained what happened. You've seen three Shreks? Yeah. Oh wait, do you mean three Shrek movies? Like I've seen three Shreks in real world. Oh my God.

No. Yeah, I've seen three of the Shrek movies. I haven't seen three real Shreks in our reality. I just want to say thank the lords above that you haven't actually seen real Shreks. How scary would that be if you saw a Shrek in the real world? And it's not necessarily like the computer generated version of him in our world. It would be like what he would look like in our world, so it is slightly like, like, terrified.

It'd be kind of grotesque. Yeah. Because it's like, anytime I feel like they take one of those computer models, but then they put like real skin texture on it, it looks so disturbing. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen two, three Shreks, maybe, when we're keeping, oh, movies, movies, yeah, we're keeping the Shrek count.

I remember I saw the second one in the movie theater with my niece, she and I went to it, and I loved Donky so much and thought he was so funny. And I was in junior year of college, but I loved Donky that I remember, you know, when a movie's like 70 minutes in and you know it's like wrapping up, I remember having a moment where I got really sad because I was like, I'm only going to get 15 more minutes of Donky before I have to wait like two or three more years before the next Shrek. Now look at me. I think I only saw those two.

I never even went back. Oh, you gotta get your... In the moment. In the moment. You gotta get your dose of Donky. Yeah, they've got the Shrek double dose of Donky. He fucks a dragon later on and has little half dragon, half Donky children. That's at the end of two, I think.

Really? Yeah, these got the... It might have been a post-credits thing, it might have been a post-credits joke. Because Jennifer Saunders, I think, voices the queen or whatever, or the fairy godmother. Jennifer Saunders, Joe Saunders, the previous guest, sister or niece? I think mom. Mom. Yeah.

And so... Either his sister or his niece. Not just because I had just said niece three minutes ago. That's not why that word was at the tip of my toe. Do you know that there's a post-credits sequence for Pinocchio 2? The sequel? For it reveals that Pinocchio pulls down his pants and reveals that he has a donkey dick and it's the only thing that changed.

God damn it. It's the truth. No, I've seen that. Yeah, everyone's seen it. It was at an airplane. Everybody watched it. And the pilot almost crashed. They showed the post-credits sequence on the airplane version?

Just that on a loop. Wow. There was no movie before it. It's the truth, Weigert. Also, I want to... I want to make something clear. That's something that always followed by, it's the truth. You're going to say it's right.

A lot of people have been tweeting at me. I just want to put an end to any of the rumours. I want to discuss, what's that word? The falsehoods. I want to put an end to the rumours. People are asking online, is love a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles origin story and is Randy actually bebop, the character bebop? And I just want to check with you to see how much of that is true.

You'll have to see. But you're on the right track. We were talking on the podcast that we thought that... We heard that... Actually, I think we can say it now, because it's now known to be false life, was maybe a prequel to Venom? The film life. Yeah.

The film life. Yes. Not our life. The experience of life is all a prequel to Venom. And the little Petri dish is actually the Venom substance, which it turned out not to be true. Yeah, I don't think that. I think that was refuted.

How does this something like that happen? Somebody just saw it and was like, that looks like Venom. And then they start talking about it, or is it... I don't know. What happened? I think it's one of those things that you like a lot, Paul, where it's like a younger kid who's like, it's actually like the prequel to Venom, and then they post that online. Right.

No, you're right. That is my favorite thing. And I know we have to talk about chicken, but I love your guys just chat with you. So sorry to delay. Why? That's okay. That's what it's all about. We don't know how to talk about chicken.

Okay. No, but I remember, I don't know if this was your experience, but it's good because we live in all corners of the United States. Right. You can see if playground lore traveled through all our states. I'm from the West Coast. You're from the Midwest. Mitch is from Boston.

Oh, this is great. This is a... Anybody from El Paso? Okay. But the big thing to talk about, I felt like, was how many Friday the 13th there were going to be, there were going to be 13 because it's Friday the 13th, and how Jason would finally die, like how they would kill him because it became like a oral tradition, like epic poem where you could add your own like parts because I remember the one I heard was like

somebody going like, they put Jason on a cross, they chain him to a cross, and they swig a back and forth between Spidey. I guess that would finally kill him, but that was it. You didn't have that. I never had any speculation on what was going to happen to Jason over the course of the Friday the 13th. No, that was never like a thing that circulated. There was more, I remember like Nintendo rumors.

That was the thing I always remember. Oh, there were a lot of Nintendo rumors too, which are also very funny. Like secret codes or like in the next Mario, you're going to get disused, but yeah. Paul, were you a Krueger kid or were you a Krueger kid or were you a jumping for Jason? I was jumping for Jason. That's not, you know, people try to put it on like a dog cat level where it's like just because you might like dogs doesn't mean you don't like cats, it doesn't have to be that way.

I like Freddy too. Right. But I just like Jason a little better. I think Jason's a little, because like I like that Jason's just an unstoppable killing machine. He's just totally focused and Freddy has like his little quips and I think the quips are cute, but I'm like, I don't know. I liked Freddy better when I was younger, even though they both scared me a lot.

I liked Freddy better when I was younger. But then I mean, my buddy Mike has pointed out that like Freddy is a child molester and it is harder to get on board with a child, whereas Jason usually kills like shitty people, like for the most part. Oh, yeah. Well, yes, those shitty people who are having sex, those deviant kids, I mean, that's the part I most agree with in those movies. Yeah.

So Freddy, but my buddy Joe read as I pointed out that they, Freddy could have been more sympathetic if it had been like, oh, he was falsely accused of being a pedophile. Oh, yeah. But like for some reason, they didn't make that choice. They were just like, no, he's a pedophile and he gets killed, but then he seeks revenge. So it's like, wait, wait, who am I rooting for here? I guess. Yeah.

No, he's just the ultimate bad guy. And this is like whatever I'm going to regret that I brought up this little tidbit, but like in the movie, they don't regret it because I whatever, but like that Freddy, they don't say the first one that he is a pedophile. They like, it was implied and it was supposed to be in. And then right around that time was the Southern California school system of the public school that got in trouble with child molestation and it was in the news and West Craven felt like, which I think it might have ultimately been a hoax.

Yeah. Yeah. It's going to be exploitative if it's in the movie. So he pulled it out. But if you walk away from the movie thinking like he was, then I don't think that's necessarily wrong. And then that remake with all of its micro naps, they explicitly say that he was a child molester.

Right. But the micro naps thing is, I don't know if you've seen the remake or not. I haven't seen the remake. I saw it with you. Yeah. Yeah. What a night. What a night.

Oh. We were scared to walk to our cars. But they want to slip in little, they can tell like your favorite part is seeing the nightmares. Right. They have no way to slip in little ones. And it'd be fine because they do it in other Freddy movies where somebody kind of dozes off.

They have one moment of like kind of entering nightmares. But for some reason they felt like they had to give it a day as they're like, you're experiencing micro naps. So they're just saying micro naps a bunch. Which basically gets Freddy into the real world, which is garbage. Yeah. That's stupid. Yeah.

The whole thing is that you can't avoid sleep. Yeah. So like as much as you want to stave it off, eventually you're going to fall asleep and you're going to be trapped with Freddy. He doesn't have to come to the real world. That's dumb. And that movie didn't do a good job of like taking advantage of like the dreams. I think Freddy vs. Jason did.

I mean, now we're talking so much about Freddy. As I was talking about micro naps, I was imagining a listener going, I'm taking a macro nap. Okay. They're like, hey, that's pretty funny, dude. Keep listening. We're going to get him as a guest this macro nap, man. Yeah.

You know, like there's not a good enough dream sequences in that newer one. Sure. Give me a Spike Jones to make the newest one. Yeah. Have the Beastie Boys running around in there, the Nightmare World. Oh, that'd be sweet. Yeah. They were all in a boiler room.

I remember when I saw that remake. I was like, every nightmare, I was like, you can go anywhere with a mind where the psyche wants to go, but it always wants to go in a boiler room with steam. I was on the Jurassic Park ride last weekend with my niece and it's funny at the very end right when it's like building to a big scary moment, a pipe breaks open the pipe on the pipe. It says Steve. Oh, Steve, do they put that on there to make people not as afraid like a like why would

they put Steve? I guess they thought the actual ride was breaking down. So they're like, oh, don't worry, it's just Steve. During Halloween time, they, on the way up, this is funny to me, during Halloween to make it more scary on the Jurassic Park ride, they play Welcome to the Jungle before you fall. Because you're in a jungle. Because so you see the raptors and the raptors are on the side and the guns and roses welcome to the jungle is blaring.

It's for the older kids. It's for the older kids and it makes it less scary to see raptors standing in. See your grandma's Jurassic Park. That's funny. I thought you were going to say instead of Steve, it's pumpkin juice. This just squirts all over. Pumpkin juice. There's a couple of things you don't want to see in all Hallows Eve.

Pumpkin juice is number one. The scariest, one of the scariest things of all. Just the mere mention of it. I don't like pumpkin as a food. Right. Well, as if anybody who does agree with that statement, nobody likes pumpkin. You had like a pumpkin soup that's maybe okay. They like the flavor.

Yeah, they like the flavor. But you don't like the flavor. You don't like that. The pumpkin flavor, I don't need the pumpkin flavor. Right. How do you feel about that, Nick? That could be sampled and put in a nice little loop. I don't like the pumpkin flavor.

I don't mind pumpkin as a flavor, but I don't actively seek it out. That's like a thing. I would be like, oh, this is a pumpkin thing. I'll give this a shot. Animals even, you know, when you think of pumpkins, it's like, oh, you're supposed to eat pumpkin. Like every fruit or vegetable is supposed to be eaten by some sort of animal. Yeah, they're designed to seed delivery mechanisms.

Yes, exactly. So what weird animal eats pumpkins? I don't know. Like a big rhino? What eats pumpkins? Yeah, it might be. I don't know if they're on the same continent. Pumpkins are on Africa, but maybe they are.

I don't know where pumpkins are from. Rhino eating a pumpkin. If you out there know what animals eat pumpkins, hashtag pumpkin food chain. Speaking of food and speaking of chains, we got to talk about our chicken contest. Food chain restaurants. Right. Okay. So we've got the finals of Munch Madness.

This is big shit. This is big shit right here. Classic big shit. This is one big shit here today. We're in the big shit right now. That'd be funny. That's the replacement for Super Bowl. The big shit game.

In America is all cheering for the big shit. The big shit. Come on, turn on the big shit. The blue angels are flying overhead above like Sun Devil Stadium. The big shit. With John Madden and Al Michaels. Together they take big shit. John Madden still kicking hats off to John Madden.

Yeah, good for Madden. The original. Hey! You know what? Just because I said it now. When you guys were talking big shit in Super Bowl, I thought you were talking about Janet Jackson's halftime performance. Were you doing a Dennis Miller impression?

And also, why would it be a big, I remember that being like one of the first big DVR moments. I was in college. I was a junior in college. Nipplegate. Nipplegate. We were like, rewind it, and everyone was excited to see Nipple. This might enter JFK assassination announcement levels.

Where were you when you found out about Nipplegate? I don't think I was watching the game. I think I heard about it. I was playing some sort of RPG at the time, because I remember being at my computer and being told about it. I was playing an RPG. You're not a football fan. I think it was necessarily exciting for you.

But I mean, it was a big pop culture thing, so I certainly knew about it. The Patriots won that Super Bowl. How about that? I was playing a sim where my character was sitting and watching a Super Bowl game. Oh, that seems very boring. Yeah, I didn't see it either, and it was pre-DVR. But I remember my friend, we were watching a Curb Your Enthusiasm, and a friend's dad called and said, hey, what did you see?

He was a very soft-spoken guy. I was like, oh, Janet Jackson and Nipple was on TV, and your friend's dad called and told you guys. Called my dorm room. Weird. Even though, and I don't want everybody judging me, oh, he had HBO in his dorm room. They gave it for free. Right.

Okay? And in a way that later, I mean, we can go deeper into this after the chicken talk, but in a way that I think it was the college's way, HBO's way of being like, hey, kids, you get your first taste for free. Yeah. And then when you leave the dorm room, we got you hooked on Arliss. So many kids leave college hooked on Arliss. Oh, man.

They can't wait to see what happened with Sandra Oh's character on Arliss. I saw so many, and I think you guys agree, so many great guys in her generation just fall out of college because they got obsessed with Arliss. I remember a guy I knew, a really good friend, and he was so hooked on Arliss. He was so hooked on Arliss that he bought the pay-per-view for WCW, where Dennis Rodman wrestled Macho Man Randy Savage in a match managed by Arliss in Robert Woolen's character as Arliss. Jesus Christ.

Wait, on that? No, not on HBO? No, this was on WCW. This was a separate crossover. Arliss leaked on using some sort of stay tuned special remote control, I imagine, jump channels. Yeah. They do some explanation just to what he showed up. He was like, whoa, how did I get here?

Arliss came. They set it up on a few Monday nitros, WCW Monday nitros, and Arliss was sort of seated as observing some WCW matches, and then he decided he wanted to manage Dennis Rodman, and then when Dennis Rodman had an incident of infidelity involving Macho Man's then love interest, gorgeous George. Where the fuck is this knowledge coming from? Jesus. I used to watch WCW.

I don't follow wrestling anymore. When Arliss was like, we got to make this match happen. The idea of a wrestler announcer saying, oh my god, it's Arliss is the funniest thing on earth. It was incredibly stupid, and it was incredibly tone deaf too. Those audiences don't overlap at all. No one watching Arliss is watching wrestling. I mean, I was.

It was for me. It was just for me. They turned to the guy and was like, you like it, Nick? We're doing it for you. The Made in America angels are in the ring. Oh my god, Carnival is here. The cast of Carnival. The cast of Carnival has come down to the ring, and they're pushing Hogan around.

I would like it if the soprano characters came out for a wrestling event. Yeah, that would be great. If Hacks had Jim Duckin took on a... Polly? Tony. Tony? Soprano? Soprano.

I love that you were into wrestling, and I wasn't, but I had friends who were, and I loved hearing about it. It's a fun thing to hear people talk about and gab about. But somebody sent me a wrestling clip once that was for the 80s where Hogan gets transported to some devil world, underworld, and he goes there, and he shows up, and then he walks over, and there's a little shitty waterfall. I mean, what's great about it is the production values of WWF. They're just trying to build a cool set, but it's very sincere.

They're trying to do it, and he puts his hand in the water. What I think the best thing about wrestling is, you know there's no script. It's almost like career enthusiasm, or they're just riffing and improvising within what they need to do. Yeah, they talk about the beats ahead of time. Yeah. They're just doing beats. You see these actors, these like, lung heads, sort of like, wrestlers just improvising like

dialogue. If somebody could find this video clip, that'd be awesome, because it was like on a Japanese channel on YouTube, but like he puts his hand through the water, and he goes, ah, it's not hot. He said it's not hot? Yeah. Why? You know, that's the normal response you would have if you touched water and it was cold.

You would say it's not hot. Right. In this underworld place, shouldn't it have been hot? It should have been hot. It should have been hot. Yes. But he was so freaked out. Right.

I get it. He was freaked out. You would go, it's hot. Yeah. But it's not hot. His expectations were subverted. He was expecting it to be hot, and then what it was, and it was even more of a mind-free. I think that's what was going on.

Was there ever a Freddy cross? He sounded like he was in the boiler room with Freddy, actually. It sounds very much like Freddy said. Oh, like he had just escaped. I don't think there was ever a Freddy wrestling crossover, but maybe. They should. Like a kid who's obsessed with wrestling. Right.

Yeah. Like, has a dream. Like, Freddy punishes him by the thing he loves. Oh, yeah. Always in those movies, you know? So, because his hobby is wrestling, Freddy like, you know, pins him. He turns his tongue into the ring ropes and throws him against it. Maybe, maybe.

Down for the count, bitch. Wager, maybe this tournament of champions is me and you in a Freddy dream that we've never woken from. Right. What do you think of that? I'd be, I mean, that sounds fair. I mean, I think this about, this about makes as much sense as a dream. It's Sunday.

I'm married. My wife is at home by herself. I'm here in your apartment with like six men and two cats. It's filled with chicken bones. It smells like shit, and we're fucking talking. We're having a conversation broadcast on the internet and archive for all time for some reason. Can I just say that the only difference between most Sundays is just that there's five other

men here. Everything else is the same. All right. So here's what we're going to do. Let's get into the, because we're a little tight on time due to our schedule today. So let's get into the competition. Let's talk about the chicken fight, which is the purpose we are here. To introduce the rules of the finals, the way voting and judging will be done.

Tournament commissioner, friend of the podcast, Evan Susser. Hi, Susser. Hello. Welcome to the finals of the Doughboys Tournament of Chompion's Munch Madness Chicken Fight. God damn it. I've written a brief statement explaining the rules, after which I'll take questions. So here's how this is going to work. There are a total of 538 lictoral votes available.

A chain needs 270 to win. They are allocated in this way. Mitch, Nick, and guest Paul Rust are supersize delegates and each get 100 votes. All past guests of the tournament get 100 votes divided evenly or 10 votes per guest. The fans vote counts as 100 lictoral votes, which is divided and calculated by percentage of the overall fan vote. All right. Too much power to them.

The remaining 38 lictoral votes go to the former Doughboys intern, Yu Song. Okay. I like that. Okay. So are there any questions before we get into it? Yes. Why did we do this tournament? It sounds like the fans are just going to decide it anyway.

No, no. They only get one fifth of, they get less than one fifth of the total. Okay. Good. Fuck you, fans. How much is your influence then, total wise? We each get, all three of us get 100, we get 100 votes. So there's 538 total at stake, 270 needed to win.

We get 100 apiece. Okay. Okay. Right. 270 to win it? Yes. This is fucking so stupid. All of you.

Now, now, should we, should we get in with just revealing what some of the votes are? What do you think, Nick? Here's what I think we should do. I think we should discuss what we had from each chain and then I think we should get, we should. We should discuss what we had from each chain, Popeyes, Wendy's and Wingstop. I liked my survivor theme more last year. Remember we did the survivor music and it was fun.

You want to play the survivor music again? Do you have it? I don't know if I have it. I can get it. Okay. Can we do something other than survivor music? The amazing race music? Sure.

Sure. Yeah. Let me see if we can find that. No, think of something. How about the survivor? I was a freshman in college when the survivor, the first season finale happened and a kid like set up a big party and put up all these signs of like survivor finale viewing party and I walked by while it was on and it was a big screen with just him.

Oh my God. Oh man. I'm sure that he called up his parents and was like, I'm coming home. Oh my God. That kid's pretty, basically what I was like in college too. Weigher, how about survivor, the eye of the tiger or something instead? Wait a minute. He had a beard.

He was wearing a Patriots cap. I start crying and put on the survivor finale. I think, what are we talking about? I'm getting exasperated about this music thing. Don't find it. It's fine. Skip out on it. She's 70 to win it.

Play the national anthem or something instead. What if we sing like, Shubabadou wow. All right, great. We'll do that. We'll do a little, we'll do a little, we'll do a little doo-wop. Great. Shubabadou wow. Is this problematic?

Are we being problematic? This is okay, right? No. Yes. Jesus Christ. Is meet me asking if this is problematic is making it worse. Yes. Okay.

All right. What do you think? Shubabadou wow. All right. Here we go. Was Shubab, what is it called? Shubab. Doo-wop.

Oh my God. Shubab. Is doo-wop music problematic? No, I don't think it's problematic. I just, I feel like we're, I don't, I'm always wary of as three white men or two of us white men, or I guess happens to be a white man today to be making fun of something that's not ours. No, it's a good thing to have.

You're correct. Right. To, to quite a task. But I think we're, but we're okay. We're, we're celebrating doo-wop. Yes. I think it's not anti-doo-wop. Not anti-doo-wop.

Dear God, what goes on up there in your head? It's like, sensitivity. It's fine. Let's move past this. We're going to blaze past this. You're both sensitive souls. We're in a rut. Okay.

Here we go. Popeyes, Wendy's, Wingstop, the Eric and Batton's. We'll discuss what these are. We're not going to worry about the music because it's a distraction. We might throw in a little doo-wop. Doo-wop-a-dee-wop. Shubab-a-doo-wop. Shubab-a-dee-wop.

All right. We're going to throw in some doo-wop here and there. I went to Popeyes. I got the two piece spicy dark. We're just focusing on chicken. I got the two piece spicy dark and some sweet heat dip in sauce, as well as a biscuit with honey. I'm not going to worry about that.

Spicy dark was- Susser. Side stay on the sidelines. Side stay on the sidelines. Drinks are in the Gatorade jug also on the sidelines. I believe he said he's not going to worry about it, so I'm going to allow it. Okay. Great.

The chicken was great. It was fantastic. It was so good. It was spicy. It was flavorful. The drive-through line experience was very, very easy and very straightforward on a busy Friday evening when I could tell they were at a high traffic location, took it home, enjoyed it.

I got a two piece for dally as well. She had a great time. It was so fucking good. It was so great. The sweet heat dip in sauce, you know, a little sweet for my taste, but still very flavorful and had some legitimate hotness to it. The actual hot sauce they give you is great. And that honey they got that for dipping.

Oh, man, you get a little bit of that honey on your biscuit and it drizzles down onto your chicken. That's no problem at all. As far as Popeyes is concerned. Well, to be honest with you, doesn't sound like that big of a problem now. No. It's great. It works out perfectly.

The Popeyes I had was great. You guys are just eating Popeyes as we were going into this record. What did you guys think? I got to say, it was very good. I enjoyed the Popeyes a lot. I had a wing and I believe that it was actually, I ate the non-spicy, I ate the mild version. It was really juicy. Right.

It was really good. It reminded me of why I went to the Hollywood Boulevard Popeyes before this and eating it today reminded me of why I like Popeyes. Oh, Paul's taking a bite right now. He just took a gigantic cartoonish bite of a chicken breast off Mike and then started laughing. And he's... But it was the reverse of a cartoon.

I saw a chicken and I thought it was a phone. You want to take a big bite out of a phone? Yeah, it's not like I talked into the chicken, you're right. Right. I thought you were choking for a second, you're good. Don't even talk about it because I hate that I'm eating right now. Okay, we won't talk about it. Here, how about a little doo-wop?

Shoo-ba-ba-doo-wow. Oh my God. People are going to hate this. I met you, but you like that Popeyes chicken. You like that mild you had. It was very juicy. It was very nice. I liked it a lot.

And it reminded me of why it was in the competition. I very much enjoyed it. Yeah, Popeyes is good. It's rightfully in the finals. Now, there's another entry in the finals that I maybe think isn't as deserving to be here. I think I know where you're going because you're certainly not referring to Wendy's. That's correct. As big of a Wendy's fanboy as you are.

You're talking about Wingstop. Before we move on to that, let's talk about your Popeyes experience, Paul. What did you do? Did you have much Popeyes going into this? I had had Popeyes a couple of times. This isn't an interrogation. You don't need to be scared. Oh, these lights are getting hotter.

Yes, I had and I had enjoyed it. I like it and it is, guys, I'd say you took the words out of my mouth, but you more took the juices out of my mouth because I was going to say that this chicken is juicy. I agree with you in your assessments that they're juicy. I feel the same way. A lot of moisture locked in. You know what? The first, you know, the two words that came to my mind when I was eating it.

Church chicken. When you go to like a church. But not church's chicken, the chain, which is also like a competition, specifically church chicken. When I thought that, when I had my thought, it was followed by, is this a place called church's chicken? Yeah, church chicken. It was in our competition.

That's not what I mean. I know. I get it. And I hope people don't misconstrue that. I think you've clarified enough. As saying church's chicken. Right. I mean chicken that you eat like at a church dinner that's like being held in the basement

of the church and you see like old people eat that you would have never imagined you'd see eat in front of you. If you have this, have this experience, hashtag church chicken old people eat, did you guys never go to like the free breakfast at the church? I was going to say, this sounds like a good church that all I usually get is that lousy body of Christ. Oh boy. We had dry.

It's dry. Yeah. It's not that good. I don't want. Hey, we're not. Can I get a little tartar sauce? That was Jim Carrey at a church. Receiving the whole Eucharist.

Can I get a little tartar sauce body of body of Christ? I look up there at that, the abs on that guy in the crucifix, I'm like, Hey, I wouldn't mind having a body of Christ myself, baby. Okay. So I think you were maybe Dennis Miller again, but also Woody Allen. Okay. Dennis Miller meets Woody Allen in Dennis Allen. The crossover you've waited for since Freddie versus Jason Dennis Allen also going based

off of really Miller might be a more interesting combination of two days when they know with your, your uncle who is a works in a bank. Dennis Allen also the movie is called Dennis Allen, which means that like, like there's there's a Dennis Miller movie just called Dennis Miller or there's Dennis Miller movie right entitled Dennis Miller. Then you see that movie entitled Woody Allen and then they meet in the movie. Do I even need to say it? Dennis Allen.

It's crystal clear. I don't know why you're even clarifying. Everyone got it. As soon as you said Dennis Allen, the whole audience was just nodding in unison with their but Popeyes. It was really. Yeah. It's really good.

Leslie Arfin. Yes. She, she is my lovely wife. Your lovely wife. Mm hmm. Oh, you both have lovely wives. Oh yeah. She has, she loves Popeyes and actually we've reviewed Popeyes with Leslie.

Yes. That's correct. And I know for a fact she loves Popeyes. She loves Popeyes very much so. So is that, is that something? Just like, you know, all the things your wife loves, you know, right? You get to know a person that's what's great about a relationship. Anyway, have you ever sat and thought, I think I love my wife?

I have not seen that, but I imagined when that movie came out, I bet Chris Rock's wife felt awesome. And I think that they separated not long after that movie, actually. Yeah, babe, I heard. Dennis Allen, get out of here. What? Oh yes, but she loves Popeyes chicken. Have you guys, have you ever had some Popeyes meals together?

Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, a big, big advocate for Popeyes. All right. Yeah, I think Popeyes has definitely claimed the throne in this tournament atop the full birds sector. I mean, it won the first round, but I think of the subsequent rounds as KFC was eliminated and churches clung till the end of a fat chance to kitchen.

I think Popeyes is the go to in terms of consistency and flavor. So Paul. And the factor that I like that gets brought up on the podcast sometimes and guys, thanks so much for having me on here. It's a big honor. I know I said that. It's a treat for us. I think I can reiterate it.

But like the, the nostalgic underpinnings of why you like a food, I like that sort of aspect too. The first time I had Popeyes, it was when I went to Walt Disney World and it was in Orlando. So I just like associate like the first trip to Disney World and Popeyes chicken. That's why I'm not like, look, and sometimes when I chew it, you'll hear me go Mickey mouse, Mickey mouse. I noticed that.

If you heard that, that's why, right? You know, when you eat a food that you associate with the first time you eat it, you say the words. Yes. I heard that when you were eating it, I heard Mickey mouse, Mickey mouse silently. And then you swallowed your swallowing noise that I believe was Donald Duck. Is that correct? Yes.

I can do a Donald Duck voice, but I chose not to know I can't and fuck anybody who does. Wing stop. That was what you were referencing earlier, Mitch. What's that? That's the new theme for wings. I said that they're jingle. It's two. Beep.

Beep. Single beeps like a truck backing up for a short amount of time. Yeah. Got it. Yeah. That's that's that's the Wingstop song. Wingstop. I got the you were saying that there's you know, you think this might not belong in

the finals. I think that Wingstop is good. Right. I just I just don't know. I think I think it's I think it's kind of outclassed a little bit in this in this competition. My Wingstop visit. I got the the atomic wings, which is they're very spiciest. I got the bone.

I got the hickory smoke barbecue classic. I got the lemon barbecue classic and classic is what they refer to as their bone in wings. And I got also got the Brazilian citrus pepper again, boneless. That's one that they either have for a limited time or is a new sauce, a rub rather. I think it's a medical term that if you have all your bones inside your body, they call it classic. Right. If you're bone intact, you're a classic man.

Are you guys classic man? I have all my bones. I have all my bones. I have all my bones. If you out there have all your bones, hashtag classic person. And if you don't have all your bones, it seems like we're really ostracizing people who don't have one. Right.

You're right. We shouldn't ostracize people who don't have all their bones. So let we'll just stick with hashtag classic person. If you don't have all your bones, unique hashtag, unique person, unique person. Great. Great. All right. The atomic.

Radial head. What's that? It's the bone. It's right where you're, I broke it during the birthday boys during a stunt. Oh, that's right. Where you felt you went through a door. Yes. It was a sketch where I, where my wife tells me that she's pregnant and I get scared and

I run through a door. And that was just like, that was like a, they just had footage of you being scared and running through a door from an unrelated incident and decided to write a sketch to justify it. Right. Rolling once when they called lunch on set and I ran through a door. Right. Yeah. I lit.

I broke my radial head. Can I quickly just tell you that it's the one thing that you don't cast, like you don't cast the, they don't put your arm in a cast, I guess, because they told me it was another bone at first that I broke my, some, I don't know, I forget what bone it was, but where would, so where specifically on your body is where your, where your, your, your forearm meets your other part of your arm. Like, so you're like your elbow. Your elbow.

Yes. Thank you. Jesus. You couldn't remember elbow. I was trying to think of a specific. Yeah. Fuck you. Okay.

And then so I broke my radial head and my arm basically, it basically like stiffened up to the point where it looked like I was wearing a cast, but for flexibility, it's like one of the ones, and it's still fucked up to this day. I think it was weird shit happened with it all around, but the saddest part of all, we were shooting birthday boy season two. So our wardrobe, the, the, the head of our wardrobe department, Brie was like, Brie Larson was like a hat, had to, had to sadly put clothes on my body. Oh man.

Like, I would be like, I would like go up to her and like, she would like put the clothes on me and like, it'd be like me like sweating shirtless and like trying to like get the arm into the shirt and she, and she, yeah, she had, she basically had to help me dress for a whole of seasons. That's awkward. Mitch, you don't know this, but she, I talked to her later and she said that one morning Mitch looked at her while she was doing it, she went, kill me. I think you'll hear it.

And it, the wingstop I had. So the, the Tommik spicy, Jesus, Weigar, spicy, not that spicy. This is good. This is good. Here's the thing, because they, they put at the very top of their, their thermometer, this is the hottest one they offer. And so I was expecting, yeah, I was expecting, I was expecting that exactly. That's what I thought my reaction would be.

I thought I'd have a bite of this and go, but I had a bite of it. And I was more like, I just sort of, I just sort of took it in stride. I took down, we got a half dozen of those. I took down three and you know, there was definitely some heat to it. And usually I certainly using the blue cheese to cool it down a little bit, but it was, it was a manageable amount of heat. I'd say a good heat intensity level, I think, but I think like in terms of if they're like careful, this is going to, this is going to burn your balls off.

Like cause that's kind of the energy they're coming in with. It's not quite that hot. Um, the Hickory smoke barbecue, I thought was a very good barbecue execution. Just a little too sweet for me. I'm not, I'm realizing through this, I'm not that big of a barbecue fan. Like barbecue sauce. Are they going to say sweet fan, but you're, uh, yeah, you're surprised me with the barbecue. Yeah.

I mean, like I've always been a little bit averse to sweet in, sweet and meat, but the barbecue sauce specifically, I think the more barbecue I've had through this, I'm just like, you know what, this, that's a sauce that consistently doesn't wow me. It's just sort of like, okay, this is barbecue sauce. I feel like it's more of a cover-up than a flavor enhancer. Lemon pepper was great. Rick Ross's favorite, mine too. It's really good.

And then the Brazilian citrus pepper is a keeper. I hope they keep it around, um, because it's just got like, you definitely get that citrus intensity and it's not super hot, but you get a little bit of heat to it too. It's a very unique seasoning, a very good round of wings. Everything was hot, well prepared, very well cooked, meaty. They have very meaty wings there. So overall a good wing thing, what it comes down to is, do wings have a ceiling? I don't know.

Wow. Is the best wing ever going to be as good as the best something else in the chicken realm? I don't know. I love wings, but there might be a specialty item. What was your guys' wingstop experience? Well, we ordered it here, it has come. We got the Louisiana rub with bone in, and we got the boneless garlic parmesan. Paul, what did you think?

First of all, I love the transparency of this. Other podcasts with zero ethics and no moral compass would say, would eat their food before I had them go, yeah, we went over to On Cougar Street. It's been a whole day eating there. We were clear and transparent about what happened here, right? Yeah, we have no reason to lie. Yeah. I mean, we're pretty forthright with- Just remember that, we have no reason to lie.

With how half-assed and how unprepared we are? Well, I don't think I got anything diminished because of it. The experience, I was, well, so wingstop, huh? Should we talk about it? So, now, remember when you asked me if I had eaten at Popeyes before and I said yes? Now apply that same question to wingstop and you might get a surprising answer for me. Is it no? Is it also yes?

It's both. It's both. Okay. It's zero times. Zero times. Zero times. Got it. So this was my first exposure to wingstop.

You could auto-tube that, however. I just wanted to give you the most neutral reading of exposure so you could do whatever you want with it. Yeah, no, that's good. That's an actor's instinct. Because you know what? You know what? Post, they're going to dig around.

Yeah, they're going to fuck around with it. But, yeah, so I liked it and honestly kind of surprised me when I heard you guys talking about wingstop. Why won't we're talking it down? It's in the championship. I know, but you're a little hard on it. Here I am for the first time loving it. I like it too.

I'm thinking, well, am I some asshole for liking this? No. No, not at all. It's very good. It's good. They have clearly proven supreme as a wing joint and wing terms from the big two wing chains, that versus B-dubs. I love B-dubs.

I'd rather go to a B-dubs. I'd rather hang out at B-dubs for a few hours, but I think the wing quality at wingstop is superior to Buffalo Wildwings. I was good and it was out of all the chicken today. It was my favorite seasoning. Wow. I love it. The Louisiana rub?

Yeah. I went, Paul said, when we were discussing what to get from wingstop, he said, go with what you think is the best. And I think this represents, I think, I don't know about the garlic parmesan, but I thought that was a fun bonus. It's a good one. It's a good bonus one, but I think that Louisiana rub is the best of the classic bone-in wings. It's really good.

I think that the Louisiana rub, because they've also got a Cajun, and I think having both is confusing. We mentioned this before, like they should just have one or the other or rename them, but I love the dry rub as a wing preparation and that Cajun rub, I'm sorry, the Louisiana rub. See, I'm getting confused because the brands are too similar. I mean, it's not that hard, and I think that you should just learn it and not get confused by it.

Okay. Okay. Guy who doesn't know the word elbow. Hey, the part where the forearm meets the other part of the arms, what's the other part of the arm is what I was struggling with after the elbow. What, the upper arm? Yeah. I guess upper arm.

Yeah, see? Weird. I don't know. Who knows? Like your bicep and tricep? Like that part? I think you call that upper arm. I think that's a thing.

Shut up. All right. That's fun. Wingstop. Shut up. That brings us to Wendy's. Yes. So Wendy's the spicy chicken sandwich.

Now, Paul. Hey, you woke me up. That was Wendy. I was doing little sound bits for each one. That's fun. Yeah. Paul, you were the guest on our Wendy's episode. How was she asleep?

She was asleep and you said her name and woke her up. She was taking a little snooze. So you were the guest on our Wendy's episode, it got into the Platinum Plate Club, five forks all around. Me and Mitch are both big Wendy's fans. You're obviously a big Wendy's fan. What was your thoughts going into this and what was your experience having the spicy chicken sandwich again for this episode?

Well, I feel like coming in, there's going to be a lot of talk. We came in loving the spicy chicken sandwich. He loved Wendy's. We know where his heart lies. Right. And same for you guys. I'm sure you're feeling this albatross too, right? Yeah.

People know we love Wendy's, they're going to see it as a bias, and we're just trying to be the Supreme Court here and say, no, we're looking at this with clear eyes. Yes? Is that the intent? No, just to collect correction, it's not the Supreme Court, it's the Lictoral College. Okay. Sorry. What did I say?

Did I say Supreme Court? You didn't say Supreme Court. I thought I said Lictoral College. It's okay. It's okay, Paul. He's grabbing me by the scuff of my neck. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Okay. And now he's cleaning him like a cat. You know how Wendy said that thing about Wendy's and it woke her up? Your Supreme Court thing, I believe, wokes us around. It is our duty. This is big. A lot of people take the winner of this tournament very seriously. We got last year in and out one, and we got a call from in and out that business was booming

after the Tournament of Chompians, and so this decision is a big decision. Not only do we got the call from in and out that business is booming, we also got a call from the runner-up, Shake Shack, and they said, we're closing down. We're closing shop. That's why there's no more Shake Shacks. Business is dwindling. That was one of the guys from Shake Shack called and said that. I remember you two both called me simultaneously immediately after the report of the news to

me. And I said, Nick, they called Nick and I called them. I said, that can't be true. I called them back and they said, hello, Shoe Shack, and I said, Shoe Shack. And they said, we're no longer Shake Shack, we sell shoes because in and out has put us out of business. Don't even bring this up, Mitch. I have a relative who went to a Shoe Shack and they were in the midst of changing from

a Shake Shack. And he ended up, he'd eat a whole Reebok and it's a painful memory if we could just not talk about Shoe Shack. Not only did he eat a whole Reebok, he ate a size 18 Reebok. Oh, with a pump. Yeah, because this is the thing, when they changed the Shoe Shack, they also changed the spelling of Shack to S-H-A-Q. They only sell shoes for Shack.

And as you would put that, you wouldn't say Shack shoes. No. You'd say Shoe Shack and spell it S-H-A-Q. My thing, and I said to them, I was like, if you're not going to be Shake Shack anymore, you're going to stop selling burgers and shakes. You're going to be Shoe Shack and you're only going to sell shoes for Shack and you think that this is a better business model. Bizarre.

I mean, I'm sure he loves shoes. I'm sure he'd keep them in business for a month or so. But a business, it's just so micro-targeted. It feels like, how's that going to sustain itself? Yeah, maybe one establishment at least, but a chain? Yeah. And we made all these arguments to them and you know what they said? They said, well, hey, after losing the Tournament of Chompians, this is better than trying

to stick around with the old plan. Yeah. Right. And then Nick and I said, we have power now. We looked at each other and we said, we have power now. Right. Well, I asked Shack, I said, hey, how were you able to switch the Shake Shack to Shoe Shack so quickly?

And he looked at me and he went, magic and winked. And I was like, oh, because you were on the Orlando Magic. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought it was maybe a reference to how he was Kazam. Right. It could have been both. It probably was a little above.

Did they do that Kazam? Did they do a little wink to like, hey, I'm used to the magic like this? I don't know. You know, I remember that the quips from Shazam, or Kazam rather, Shazam is the one that people misremembered as a movie. That's the fictional Sinbad movie. I don't remember those quotes from Kazam. But if you do, hashtag Kazam IMDB buff.

What? Buff as in like, in good shape. Yeah, as in good shape. You have to be in really good shape to hashtag that. Why not Kazam the movie buff? Right. Why does that have to be, why did you put IMDB into it? Look, here's what happened.

I was thinking of, I was thinking of IMDB's notable quotes page. And then I was thinking of Kazam and I said Kazam IMDB and then I didn't know how to land it. So I just threw in buff because I know movie buff is a thing. We could talk for hours about the memorable quotes section of IMDB, but it's so funny to imagine the person who puts in certain ones that you read will be like, hey, if I wanted a mug, I'd take it. This was significant for you.

Right. You piece of shit. If I wanted a mug. So Wendy's, yeah. I mean, we came in with our biases intact. Right. So which one of these places? The end of the episode.

But no, it's fair. This is the thing. We said this on the double. We acknowledge your inherent bias and then attempt to separate yourself from that and be objective mentally. Know that in my heart, I have a bias towards Wendy's. I have some Wendy's favoritism, but in my head, I am trying to evaluate objectively. I got the spicy chicken sandwich.

It was great. Really, really good. Well-prepared. The ratios were perfect. Right amount of, you know, I didn't go again after the Fat Chance Kitchen episodes. So this is the same meal that I had for Fat Chance Kitchen, which got it into the finals. But great, great spicy seasoned, well-proportioned meaty patty, a lot of flavor, good proportion of veggies, nice amount of mayo.

Love that bun. Just every bite. Like just half the bites were just A plus bites and the rest were still bangers as well. Yes. Just a really, really good sandwich. Yes. How about you guys? I picked up Wendy's.

I drove it to Paul's. Don't, you don't have to, this makes me- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This, I threw this on Paul. Paul didn't realize that- No, no, no, but I didn't want it to seem like I was like, fetch me a water boy. Fetch me a copy of the water boy. If anything, it's the other way around where I said, Paul, I'm bringing you Wendy's in 15 minutes.

Is that cool? And you were like, like, what is happening? Because I didn't really explain- Oh, no, I was like, sure, that's fine. Oh, no, no, I'm saying that it was me being rude throwing it on you. We found out today that Wendy's had won. Right. So it's basically me delivering Wendy's to Paul in the last round.

And yeah, I had you dressed as Wendy, but like, that's- I mean, you offered that too, I think. I don't know, we shouldn't check the text, but I think he offered it. I said, I'm coming over with your Wendy's, do I need to be dressed as Wendy? And you grow back, yes. Well, I felt like you asked the question. You didn't necessarily say you're comfortable doing that, but you did ask, do I have to?

And I'm like, well, if you're asking, then yeah. That's why I bought it for you. But everyone knows that if you go to Wendy's and you ask for a Wendy's outfit, they'll give you one. Yeah, for free. I don't know how they- it must be an insane overhead. Right. And if they- because they default to like a yarn wig.

And if you're like- if you say, give me the real wig, they'll give you like a better quality wig. But they default to the yarn wig. Just whatever you like. Don't be afraid to ask for the better wig though. If you say you want the better wig, they pull the real Wendy in and they shave her head. And say, this is what you wanted. This is what you thought you wanted.

And they make you- they make you look at Wendy as her eyes swell up with tears. And you take the wig and you say thank you and you drive to Paul's house. Right. And then they go, go say hi to your dad for us. And she's like, you know he's dead. It's really cruel. Right. So just get the yarn wig.

Yeah. If you're going to learn anything from this tournament. Get the yarn wig. Get the yarn wig. Just go with the yarn wig. So I love Wendy's, the chicken, the spicy chicken sandwich. And it is true that it's so bold, not the flavor. But the simplicity.

Right. Just them being like, you know what? You just need these simple ingredients. And when you eat this other chicken here, you're getting a lot of razzmatazz. Right. I agree. It's like going to the circus. And you know what would impress me?

A bear standing up on its hind legs. But you know what does it impress me? Acrobatics. It was the worst analogy. What would you rather see? People, I feel like people love acrobatics. Yeah. And it's a very tough skill that's hard to learn.

And a bear doesn't really know what it's doing when it does that. But so I just have been impressed by what they're able to pull off with so little. Right. Yeah. How was your Monday sandwich today? Manufik. Manufik. You know, and I thought, just as a testament, I said, you know, Paul, you don't have to

eat this whole thing. You can just take a few bites, you know. I couldn't resist. I ate the whole thing. Wow. Paul. What kind of a cadence of Richard Nixon saying, I'm not a crook. Yeah.

It's my presidential gumbo. I'm doing a show where I stream a conscious drift from one president to the next because they're all the same. Hey, Paul, would you do your impression of me for a second? Yeah. I remember, hey, I remember the fond days of being in Little Rock with Paul Jones. I mean, never mind. The question I've been bringing with that, Bill Clinton, like he almost started like

he could do it with anybody. But at the last minute, he always catches himself. It's, I mean, never mind. Right. Because like Willie, a classic for getting out any sort of, he's a world-class wriggler, but this is a situation, this is like a bad liar, Clinton. I mean, when the commander-in-chief, wriggler-in-chief, that was on every headline from newspapers from 92 to 2000.

Yeah. It was making me laugh a lot the other day. Yeah. It was making me laugh when I was kissing a moniker. I mean, never mind. So speaking of moniker. Yes. Sorry, finish your thought, but I still want to hear how your Wendy's sandwich was.

My sandwich was great. I got some fries and a drink. Wait, where are you going with speaking of moniker? I don't know. I love the mayo in the sandwich. Oh, God. What? Like you're comparing it to cum?

The president's cum? The president of moniker, your next thing you said was, I like the mayo in the sandwich. Jesus. She's known for the white spot on the blue dress. Right. And people are just talking about it because it sold at that auction. You know that? Did Bill buy it back?

It was at a high price. Like they had to pay a lot for it because they had a lot of bills in it. Right. It's the only thing I can come on. Oh, boy. I need that dress back. Did you notice it said the lot of bills? I missed it.

I'm sorry. That's okay. I got it. I was moving. I was trying to say it too fast. I missed it too. I'm sorry. Your funnier joke was ruined with my worst joke.

Oh, no. My years was better. Come on. Guys, they were both really good jokes. I like both of them. Good job. You guys did a good job. Look, Wendy's without a doubt was my favorite coming into this.

I had a great version of the sandwich today. There were a lot of people who was a packed Wendy's, but hey, this is not biscuit fight, Paul. It's chicken fight. Paul's continuing to take bites of that Popeye's biscuit. Stay on the sidelines. You can eat it. You can eat it.

I'm just saying don't let that deter your judgment. Paul, I'm going to kick you out for eating the biscuit, except you do have to give your vote first. Right. Because you ate the biscuit, you're getting the boot. I'm going to allow this. Wait, wait, hold on. You're kicking Paul out for eating a biscuit?

He still gets the boat. You know that expression. I wouldn't kick him out of a podcast for eating biscuits. Yeah. I guess I don't. Let's just say rise to that level of criteria. This is the first time you've ever ejected a guess and you're ejecting our friend Paul for eating a biscuit.

I'm not going to argue with it because I know how Mitch feels that I agree with it. I ate a biscuit. Mitch, you've changed. Paul. The term has changed you. And I feel more confident now. And I'm going to tell, from here on out, I'm going to tell a lot of my friends to get the hell out of my house.

Wow. Starting with Paul. Paul, I love the Wendy sandwich. I want to make one last attempt here. I love the Wendy sandwich. It's one of my favorite fast food items. I think it is my top fast food item. Wow.

I think it's up there. It's a really, really great sandwich. I love it. And look, this is tough. I do love that Louisiana rub wings. I don't think Wingstop's going to pull it off, but Popeyes really brought its A game. I don't know. It's tough.

I don't know what's going to happen between you two. I don't know where your vote's going. I don't know where the fan vote's going. Usong now has power in this competition, which is good. Rightfully so. Paul, so what do you choose? We're going to do a countdown in a second. We're going to sit on ours.

Here's what we're going to do. You think you're very fave? Yeah. Since Mitch is kicking you out, we'll get your favorite. So you have 100 out of the 538 electoral votes. You need 270 to win. So how are you going to allocate your 100 electoral votes? Your choices are Wendy's, Wingstop, and Popeyes.

Barf. Choose your favorite. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, but choose your favorite. Barf. And the criteria to think of, this is the one that would go down to Satan, and that the devil would eat it, and he would like it so much that he would turn into an angel and ascend to heaven. So this is the best representative of chicken that chain restaurants have to offer.

And Paul, I just want you to remember Shoe Shack when you were making this decision, because whatever happens, Wendy's might be shoe... Wendy's might be shoeies next year. That's good. Wingstop might be shoe stop. Popeyes might be shoe eyes. So just think of that when you're making this important decision. Which two chains do you want to condemn to shoot them?

Which ones? I'm saying get the boot? No. So you're getting the boot, and the other two chains are going to get the boot that don't win. But the one that I want to ascend? But pick your favorite. Pick my favorite.

Up to you. Right now? Yes. Can you give me a countdown? Yeah, I'll give you a countdown. Yeah, I'll give you a countdown. It's going down to the devil to turn him into an angel. All right.

Three... And I don't want to rush you, but just tell me when you're about to countdown, and I'll start countdowning two. Okay. Okay, if we're about to count... We're going to count... We're going to count down right... We're going to count down now.

Three... Three... Two... One... Popeyes, baby. Wow! Wow! Popeyes!

Paul! Russ! Wow! He's walking out! Paul, get out! He's walking out! He's leaving! Bye-bye!

Mitch is literally booting him out of the apartment. We'll take a quick break while we're right back at Fort Doe Boys. Hey, guys. Weigur here. You know, we all want a snack, but the temptation is to reach for something unhealthy, some sort of junk food. Well, you know what? You can start snacking healthy with Nature Box.

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Whenever you're listening to this, you love food, you love to snack, go to naturebox.com slash dough boys for 50% off your first order, that's naturebox.com slash dough boys. Welcome back to dough boys, this is the finals of Fat Chance Kitchen, oh fuck, let me try again, hey Dustin, forget that, we'll start over again. Welcome back to dough boys, this is the finals of the Tournament of Chompians chicken fight. Give me the biscuit. Evan Susser is now eating a biscuit, Paul Rust has been kicked out of the studio by Mitch, leaving before the break, he chose his favorite as Popeye's, Popeye's now on the Electoral

Scoreboard, maintained by her own Evan Susser, a hybrid Adam Silver as the commissioner hybrid Nate Silver, as our stats guy. That's right guys, what an exciting beginning to election or tournament night here at the Tournament of Chompians. Popeye's taking the early lead with 100 lictoral votes, but it's going to need to get to 270 to win. Wow. This is, I can't believe Paul.

I'm legitimately shocked, he loves Wendy's so much, he's a Wendy's freak. I can't believe it, I actually, yes, I'm blown away. We have a special guest here, he said his jaw dropped, switch, yes, yeah, it's insane. Stunning, truly stunning. I mean, in a time like this, what can you say besides, shoo, ba, ba, doo, wow, shoo, ba, ba, doo, wow. All right, Susser, where were you? Okay, so he didn't do the shoo-op.

You know, I've been looking into if do-op is problematic and I've seen conflicting things. Right, so I, do-op, no, we're a barbershop quartet. You're doing shoo-op. We're doing shoo-op, yeah, because of our, look, everything's going shoes here. Well, does it still have, Shake Shack has become a shoe shack. All rest is getting the boot, do-op is becoming shoo-op. We're shoo-crazy. We're shoo-crazy, fair enough.

So I think now, for the next, lictoral votes, we've allocated each of the former guests from this Tournament of Chompians chicken fight. They each have 10 votes, so I'm going to read the guest and what their votes were. And this is every guest from our regular episodes as well as our Fat Chance Kitchen episodes. And then we'll see where we're at. Okay, great. Mike Carlson, Wendy's, Frank Lepsby, Wingstop, Ryan Perez, Church's, now an interesting point to step aside here, the guests and the fans had the option of everything that made

it to the Losers' Bracket Final and the Finals, whereas you, Paul, where Mitch, Paul and Nick only can pick from the restaurants in the Finals, okay, Armin Weitzman, McDonald's, Spencer Crittenden, Church's, Matt Solman, Popeyes. To clarify that, he spelled it with a U, a little dig at Mike Mitchell. Oh, that's a lot of fun. Eugene Cordero. Can we not count that vote? Eugene Cordero.

But the Popeyes vote, because he wrote it as Popeyes, because he's making fun of you. Nicole Byer, Popeyes, and Eva Anderson, Church's, Joe Saunders, Wendy's. Wow. Yes, Joe. Joe's doing well. Oh, and Ryan Perez, I skipped over, Church's. No, you did not, Chisgis. Yeah, you got him.

No, I think you got it. I was looking at the text message that you had up there. I think you misread it, because the way he worded it, I think he's going, he's actually chose Wendy's. Yes. I think he's saying. Oh, yes. Yeah.

I misread it. Thank you. I appreciate that. Sorry, I was looking over his shoulder. I just wanted to make sure everything was hunky-dory. Yes. Now, just to, so then to clarify where we're at, Church's has 40 electoral votes. Unfortunately, it will be impossible for it to win.

Okay. I think that it kind of was a favor of the past guests. Right. Then we have Wendy's with 20, McDonald's with 10, Popeye's now with 120 electoral votes. Wow. We had Paul's 100 votes. Well, in its way. And Wingstop with a mere 10.

This is exciting as election night when people were all bummed out that Hillary was going to win, and then Donald Trump came from behind. Well, speaking of election, I actually have, unfortunately, I have something unexpected and unpleasant to bring up. Right. The commissioner's office, and this is real. Yes. Has become aware of a vote selling scandal.

Wait, what? And there is evidence that Nick Weigher may have attempted to sell some or all of his votes in the tournament of Champions finals. Weigher, what the fuck is this shit? The scandal is so significant, I've decided to appoint independent investigator David Phillips to look into it. We're joined by him now, former Doe Boy's guest, David Phillips. Hi, David.

Wow. Hi, guys. He's been sitting, he's been sitting here the whole episode, so you probably knew something was up, but you did not realize what it would be. No. Well, it was laughs before, but now it's very serious. I'm sorry that I have to be here under these circumstances, but I just want to assure you, I'm not an enemy.

I'm here for the fans and the listeners, obviously. We're good friends, David. Yes, I am. Also, David, Hollywood, the arts, there's a mask that's laughing, and then there's a serious drama mask. So there's two sides to it always. I remember a parade magazine cover when I was a kid, and it was Chevy Chase, and he had a very sad face on, and it said, it's time to get serious.

I was like, oh, Chevy Chase is going to make a play toward serious movies, and then his next movie was The Invisible Man, which I thought, just seeing it, I was like, oh, this is going to be a serious movie. This is going to be his take on a psycho... David, please take control. No, I'm just saying, oh, this will be his psychological thriller. This was before The Hollow Man, but the direction of The Hollow Man ended up going, where someone is driven insane by this curse.

Hollow Man being one of the most dramatic movies of our time. Well, look, I don't think Hollow Man is necessarily... No, I'm saying that. I'm saying it. Okay, you are saying that. Okay, great. But then it was just a silly spoof. Sure.

Well, in this case, I will not be like Chevy Chase's Invisible Man. I will be like Kevin Bacon's Hollow Man in my serious mask. I have been told by Commissioner Susser that a scandal has taken place, but I believe the commissioner has more details than I'm... Well, I received word that Nick Weigher was offering to sell his Tournament of Chompion votes to past guest and creator of Midshop Pizza, Van Robichaux. Weigher, you look guilty as fuck right now. I attempted to approach Van Robichaux, my writing partner, and I thought, friend, he

proved to be a completely uncooperative witness. Right. So, we are now... Now, I've appointed an independent investigator in New David. You're going to... You're going to talk to Nick. Yeah, well, thanks for having me, Evan. Again, I wish I was here in a better circumstance as I keep needing to qualify that.

And again, looking guilty... They're just still eating wings, by the way. I am. It's stress-eating, clearly. He's very upset about the whole thing. This is not surprising. It's very disappointing, Weigher. It's very disappointing.

I can't believe it, but go ahead, Nick. Yes. Can you confirm or deny these allegations that have been brought against you in this vote-selling scandal? I assert my Fifth Amendment privilege. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Nicholas, have you ever been arrested? No. I've never been arrested. Have you ever been deposed before? No, I've not been deposed, but I did have my... I was working for a video game company, and there was a lawsuit against the video game company, and they seized everyone's hard drives, because that was the closest I've ever come to a deposition.

Uh-oh. And how come you're not in jail for life? I have a bunch of illicit pornography on my hard drive at work, or even my personal hard drive. I'm not some... Okay, well, that answers... Archivist? That answers my next follow-up question about pornography, so we'll move on to question

four. Do you have your driver's license on you? I do. Can I review it, please? Yeah, you can. Let me just tell you right now that we moved recently, well, not that recently, but the address on it, that's not my current address, so... So you want me to read it out loud?

No, don't read that aloud, but that's my previous address, but everything else should be accurate. Can I confirm that your middle name is Frank? Yes, you can confirm that. And that your driver's license is Class C? Yeah, I do have a Class C, just civilian license in the state of California. Nick, over the past eight years, have you contributed to any branded content in the form of group pitch sessions, commissioned outlines, or produced scripts for the comedy

website FunnyOrDie.com? Yes, I did quite a number of those. Has any of that branded content, group pitch sessions, commissioned outlines, or produced scripts been for subsidiaries or owners of any restaurant that has ever been reviewed on Doughboys, or competitors to any restaurant that has ever been reviewed on Doughboys? I cannot say with certainty, but I feel like the answer is probably yes. Interesting. Wow.

Wow. This is, look, that does not affect my objectivity. That does not affect my objectivity as a reviewer. If you combined Woodward and Bernstein into one, it would be David Phillips. This is just an investigation, so I cannot make any claims at this time, but my questions obviously lead to certain suspicions. Where your loyalties lie, I heard you earlier talking about how your heart was in a place for Wendy's and your brain was in the objective place for the podcast, but I think we all

want to get to the bottom of where your wallet is in a matter. I do have one final question. Were you involved in any way in the production of the April 12th, 2007 Funny or Die produced comedy skit titled The Landlord? Yeah, I wrote and directed The Landlord. Wow. Wow. That's very cool.

I was just curious about that. I also played Will Ferrell and Pearl. Very impressive. Yeah. Okay, no further questions. Look, this whole thing is a mockery. Weiner texted me that he was trying to sell his votes to Van. Van told me on the phone, I don't have any proof, but it's all true.

All right. Look, look, here's the thing. Just look insane. Here's the thing. Maybe Van Robichow and I had a discussion where he would buy some of my votes, a minority share of my votes, 40 of my votes to be clear, 40 of my electoral votes as partly a way for him to get involved in voting for the tournament since he was not a past guest, and maybe he would have said that those 40 votes would go to Popeyes.

So that was a thing that was under discussion at some point. I'm saying, I'm not saying that that's what happened. I'm saying that was a thing that was discussed and perhaps agreed to, perhaps not. But in any event, that doesn't affect my objectivity. And I think we have the right to split our votes as judges, as supersized delegates, correct, Commissioner? Again, I feel like under normal circumstances, that's the decision that I would make. I'm going to turn it over to independent investigator David Phillips.

Is it OK for Mitch and Nick to split their votes? No. Wow. I agree with Phillip. OK. OK. So that makes it irrelevant whether or not these were sold, there's no way, no way for it to be implemented.

Why, what the fuck, man? I would also like to say as the independent investigator that I'm here just to suggest the terms of my findings. And I also am not at liberty to make a final ruling on any of those. Right. Oh, wait a minute. So who is? Up to the commissioner.

All right. I'm going to allow it, actually. You're going to allow it? He's sitting there like red faced, so guilty. Here's what I'm thinking. Let's move forward. Everyone can do whatever they want with their votes. David will continue this investigation.

Right. How do I know that there's not a conspiracy to have Popeyes to win? We don't. That is what this investigation is. That's what the investigation is. I think it's too rushed for David to make a judgment right now. I think that what we'll do is we'll move forward. There are no sanctions on anybody, but David will continue an investigation for the next,

let's give him three months, and the tournament could be overturned at any moment. Great. Does that sound fair and reasonable to everyone? That does sound fair. No. I don't think Wyver's vote should count. Mine should count double. But it doesn't get twice as many votes.

I think that disqualify by votes doesn't give him more votes. I think I should get double votes. I don't think you should get double votes. I'm going to have to rule that. I would say under normal circumstances, an investigation that goes so high to the top and is so clearly fraught with corruption, it would take years to investigate. But I think I can get it done within the next five minutes. Okay, great.

All right. In any event, I'm just glad that we added a bunch of dense legalese to this podcast. Let's move on. I think that's what everyone needed. Let's move on to the fan vote. All right. This episode is a fucking mess. Yeah, it's a disaster.

I don't expect. My stomach hurts so much from eating all those food that I had to run to the restroom at one point. It's all a fucking disaster. I think we covered it pretty well. Okay. So for the fan vote, I'm not funny. This episode.

Yeah, you are. You're always funny. You're a funny guy. What the fuck? You're a very funny guy. You're one of the funniest men. You're saying this because you fucking cheated. I'm not.

I'm saying that because that's how I feel. Well, you're funny too, but that's nice of you to say. Let's move on from the cheating and stop talking about it because we may want to cut it out of the episode. So moving on to the fan vote, right? Here's what the breakdown is with 36 percent of the fan vote has been awarded to Wendy's. Wow. 36 electoral votes to Wendy's closely behind 34.4 percent Popeyes.

Wow. Popeyes is strong showing a humiliating 5.1 percent. Of the vote. Wingstop. Wow. Not doing well. The remaining ones go to ones that have been knocked out in our losers bracket, 1.6 percent to Burger King, 3.9 percent to churches and 3.8 to McDonald's.

Wow. This is crazy. Now, for those doing the math at home, which I imagine is quite a few people, you may notice that 25.1 percent of the vote has is not accounted for that's because that vote went to other. One other category, and this was something that 21 percent of the vote 25 percent of the vote. 25 percent of the vote.

Yes. And looking into it, you know, I had I had to look into where was everyone voting for and there were a few scattered restaurants. But overwhelmingly, the votes did not go to a restaurant in the tournament. Wow. They didn't go to a restaurant at all. They went to a man. Wow.

And that man is Armin Weitzman. Wow. You gave me a heads up about. I didn't know any of the other results, but you gave me a heads up about this, Susser. And it's really in fact, in fact, it's really striking even past guest Spencer in his vote for his guest vote. He expressed that his first choice was for Armin Weitzman. But if he had to pick a restaurant, he picked churches.

Now, Armin on the show previously said that he wanted to be the champion. And it seems like a lot of people took that to heart and decided to try and make that a possibility. And is it, Commissioner, is there any way we get Armin on the phone to maybe get in touch with him? I think that I think that that is very possible. All right, we're going to try to get Armin on the phone. But Mitch, this is a thing we did last year.

We have the discretion to award a special trophy, the heart of a champion award. And last year, we gave the heart of a champion to five guys. Hello, Armin. He said ahoy. His classic hello. Hi, it's Evan Susser, the commissioner of the Tournament of Chompions. You're on the Doe Boys podcast. Get your phone right up to the mic, Susser.

You're live. Yes. Hi, Armin. How are you, Susser? That's good. That was Nick Weiger, one of the hosts of the Tournament of Chompions. Yeah, you suck at something. Something nice.

Yes. So I wanted to let you know. I don't know if you were aware, but we did a fan vote for the Tournament of Chompions, where people could vote for their favorite restaurants. And the votes were, you know, they were all over the place, but there was an overwhelming amount of other votes where people wrote in a name for who they think should win. Not any of the ones that were actually in the competition. And I'm calling to let you know that an overwhelming amount of those votes went to you, Armin.

I don't want you to be the champion. Oh my God, is this true? It's true. It's true, Armin. And we've seen the stats. We've been discussing it. And while you don't have enough votes to be actually become the winner of the Tournament of Chompions, we have us.

People would be legitimately mad because I think people would see it as a cop-out if we didn't vote for the restaurant. Why not? It doesn't have a vote. I'll vote for them. I would like to point out that the investigation is not over, and there are 100 votes out there that Nick has allowed that could be turned into direct votes. To Armin votes.

Look, here's the thing. There's 100 votes? Let's not throw in more numbers when we've got Armin on the phone. Let's just get through this. This is live? Armin, hey, Armin. There's a lictoral college. Don't worry about it.

I lost? No, Armin. Here's what's going to happen. Armin, hey, listen. Hey, Armin. Hey, Armin, hey. We're going to give you the Heart of a Chompion Award. This is a special award that the Dope Boys give to the participant of the tournament

who does not win, but makes an outstanding showing and goes above and beyond. So congratulations, Armin. You have the Heart of a Chompion. Oh my God. The people aren't going to stand for this. I mean, this is crazy. No, they're going to stand for it all right, because it's what we want to have happen. Armin, you're a chompion, and we just wanted to let you know.

You joined. You received the award previously awarded to five guys. Congratulations. Congratulations, guys. Armin. I mean, listen, thank you guys so much. I'm just really honored, and I can't believe that this is live, because I didn't think this would be so nice.

I was scared. Well, it's not that live, but Armin, you're one of my best friends, and you've had a tough run at it the last 30-something years, and I'm happy for this award. I feel like it's something that's going to turn things around for you and you and me. I haven't seen Mitch in a long time. You were just here very recently, Armin. We're going to let you go, Armin. Congratulations.

You've got the heart of a chompion. Good luck. Have a great rest of the week. Drem your fingernails. All right. Catchphrase. Thank you. Goodbye, Armin.

Bye. That went very well. That was really good. I think everything that didn't go well about the investigation went well about giving Armin the tournament of heart of a chompion award. All right. That covers the fan votes. That brings us to your songs.

By the way, which I want to say that there was a segment that maybe we cut out. Let's just say there's a segment we maybe cut out where we did some investigation. I don't understand why you're talking about a segment that's cut out. I'm standing right here. Well, whatever. It's an ongoing investigation, but Weiger, this is fucking sick. It's disgusting what you did. You give me shit all the time, but you sold your soul, man.

I didn't sell my I had a business proposal at Bayer Bay dot have gotten to a more advanced stage. Look, in any event. It's funny. We've been we've been sending these sandwiches down to the devil, but you sent your soul down there. Cerberus ate your fucking soul and shit it out. All right.

We turn into the three good dogs or whatever the fuck we just I'm just going to give a quick update where we are. The restaurants in the finals. Yes. It has one hundred and fifty four point four electoral votes. Wendy's have fifty six electoral votes and Wingstop has fifteen point one electoral votes. I'm going to call you song right now and get his thirty eight electoral votes. Wow.

Our former intern you song. Where is you song these days? Do we know? Is he still? We'll find out. He's still overseas. If he says bonjour, we know he's in for this phone is ringing at any moment. You song may pick up.

Or maybe he never will. Hello, you song. This is Evan Susser from the Doughboys podcast, Commissioner of the Tournament of Champions. You are on the podcast live right now with Nick Weiger and Mike Mitchell. Hi, you song. What's up, you song? Hi, everyone. Sorry that this is how we get to talk to you again.

So you song. You song. I don't know if you're aware, but you have thirty eight votes in the Lictoral College. To decide the tournament. Yes, I know. To decide the winner of the Tournament of Champions. The choices are Wendy's, Popeyes and Wingstop. What is your selection?

Okay, first I have to admit that I've never had the Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich or eating that Popeyes or eating that Wingstop. So you still have votes, you song, so you're going to have to make it based on branding or what you think or if you've listened to any of the podcast, what's been said about these chains. Okay. I guess like based on my heart, I have to go, I think though I have to go with Wendy's because it sounds so.

Wow. Wow. Yes. Wendy's gets thirty eight Lictoral votes. I love you song. Thank you very much, you song. Also while really quickly for clarity, can you please tell everyone what you emailed me about recent movie experience you had with your parents?

Oh, yeah, I really, I went to this play with my parents and it was really, it was really fun. All right, thank you, you song. Thank you. This is, first of all, that was disgusting. Second of all, you song. I just want to clarity you song. Where in the world are you right now?

So I'm last semester, but now I'm back in Ithaca. This is my last semester at Cornell and so I'm almost done. Oh, wow. Are you having fun up there? Yeah, it's really fun. We just got a wings over Ithaca just opened in our college town and I'm really excited about it. Hey, I get the carrier.

I used to get it with my friends when I was there. Wings over Ithaca? Is that a wings restaurant? Yes, it is. Oh, fun. Yeah. Hey, you song. It's Dustin.

Oh, hey Dustin. Oh my God, this is the only time I get to talk. I'm so sorry. This is the only time I get to talk. No, this is great. When are you back in town? Back in town? I'm sorry.

When are you back in LA? This summer, hopefully, as soon as I get my degree and get out of here. All right. Well, I just want to tell you, you're no longer an intern. I like to offer you a job at Feral Audio. Yeah. It's a production coordinator. Wait, that's incredible.

All right. All right. That's great. You song. It's David Phillips, a private investigator. We haven't met before, but I'm also part of this episode. Just wanted to let you know. Oh, awesome.

I can't wait to hear it. All right. Thank you, you song. You're the best. Also, the Doughboys extend an assistant position to you as well. We're paid. We can pay you song if we employ him. Well, of course, Nick can pay him.

Money bags over here. Can all the money from the corporations. All right. We love you, you song. Congrats. Thank you, you song. Congrats. Have a nice episode.

See you, dude. Oh, man. That was exciting. That was great. Nice surprise by producer Dustin. One good thing to come out of this episode. Okay. So where do the votes stand at this point?

So now here's where we're at. Wendy's has 84 electoral votes. Popeyes has 154.4 electoral votes. Wingstop has 15.1 electoral votes. And then there are a few other electoral votes distributed to churches and McDonald's and all those places. Wow. Wow. So wait.

So what this comes down to is statistically, there is no way for either of these to win. For anyone to win unless Mitch and I are aligned. That is correct. We have the only remaining electoral votes, 100 a piece. Wow. And if there was some sort of paola scandal where I'd committed 40 of my electoral votes to Popeyes, then that would mean that if I go to Popeyes, if I throw my the range of my votes to Popeyes, even that would not be enough.

That's correct. Unless I too vote for Popeyes. Unless Mitch also goes for Popeyes. And also, if I were to give those votes to Popeyes, but I were to say vote for another chain, there's no other chain that I could put over the top with my remaining 60 votes. Is that math correct? That math is correct. Right.

Wow. I would like to add that the math that you've dictated is 60 votes and 40 votes. Whereas the investigation has not been able to at all unveil how many votes were actually in question here. Okay. For sale. To 100 votes, I think is exactly the amount of votes you would be able to sell to somebody. Hypothetically, but I know a share was offered. It might be 40 votes.

I also want to say that you have made this very anticlimactic. Your math breakdown of this is basically, well, we'll see what happens. Well, I think that if one restaurant does not get enough votes, I've thought about this. I think we'll have to go through the remaining votes and decide what restaurant they're most like and give them those votes. Oh my God. All right. Here's what we're going to do. Mitch, it comes down to you and me.

We're going to be the decision makers and we're going to count down from three to one. And we're going to say what our favorite chicken restaurant is. What we think is the best representative of chain restaurant chicken that we would give to the devil to turn him into an angel and cause him to ascend to heaven. That's right. Mitch. The only numbers that matter now are three to one. Yes. Let's count it down.

Three, two, one. Wendy's. Congratulations. Wendy's. You are the champion. Wow. Wendy's is the champion. David Phillips, can you certify this result?

I was actually just about to announce that my investigation just concluded as you were announcing the winner. And unfortunately, there is not enough to determine at this time whether Nick Weigar's votes were in question or to be sold. And what I would, I can only suggest to the commissioner how to handle this as I am not. Just get to it. We need a climatic ending. The hundred votes of Nick Weigar. I could only suggest that Commissioner Susser is given full authority and control over. What the fuck?

I approve. They get Wendy's win. All right. We got it. Wait, Phillips. Who do you vote for? I also vote for Wendy. Okay.

Wendy's wins. Wendy's wins. It's the tournament of champions, munch madness, chicken fight. The second time we've done it. Wendy's. We have two winners now. We have in and out and we have Wendy's. They are our two champions.

Congratulations. Wow. You know what? I'm very happy with this ending. Right. Very appropriate that Wendy's name is going to be engraved on the Dave Thomas cup. It's true. It makes sense.

Ending out is the first name on there, but shouldn't be. What the fuck? What do you have to take a shot at in and out? We just crowned Wendy's your favorite. We got my favorite in and out. You know, let's how let's end this on a positive note. Well, hold on, Susser. What are you going to say?

I don't know if we should end it on a positive note. I think that two champions cannot sustain themselves. So here's what I'm going to call for a special grudge match. Six months from now. Wendy's versus in and out. Wow. To be the man you got to beat the man. Wendy's is going up against in and out in a special live episode.

Six months from now. Wow. A special live episode in Las Vegas. Maybe all of those things won't be possible, but we'll try and do as many as we can. A special episode of dough boys. Wendy's versus in and out in Las Vegas. Too many curve balls. That's what we got.

Just got too many curve balls. So here's the other two is this fellow restaurants. We don't have to go to Las Vegas. Right. Yeah. We can eat it here. There's no reason to travel in Los Angeles. In Los Angeles.

Okay. I like that idea. Look, this is Paul left. You booted out Paul. We got very hot. We got Martin. We got Martin legalese and statistics. That episode fucking went off a cliff and sucked.

This was probably the worst thing we recorded all month long. No, but Wendy's one. So in the end, it's one, you know what? People got mad at me for penalizing it for the Dave Thomas cup. I think it's even more impressive that it managed to overcome that and win the championship. I think it really does actually feel like a satisfying result. Much like Tom Brady winning the Super Bowl after being suspended for four games.

I agree with that, sir. But I don't know if we should bring that into it because people will be mad. Wendy's really is the Patriots of fast food. Hey, I'm down with that. Right. They're not cheaters. They're good. Wendy's, much like Jesus Christ himself, our Lord and savior, went down to hell

and came back resurrected and it didn't Jesus go to hell at some point? Didn't he visit hell? Did he? I don't know. I think in maybe the Inferno or maybe it's the Bible, Jesus, when he is resurrected, he goes to hell and gets all of the righteous people that lived before him, like Aristotle and because I guess they were all in hell because they hadn't accepted Jesus.

Are we going to trust Susser's take on Jesus here? Is he the authority we want to go to? I thought it was a great episode. The rightful, one of the best sandwiches in fast food. A delicious sandwich. The spicy chicken sandwich won. Why are you cheated? He is more a cheater than the Patriots.

In the end, he was the cheater, but you're a good man. You made it good at the end by voting for the right place and it was a good outcome. I feel very happy with the results. I think we were ending on a note of conciliation. I'm proud of you. On a note famously heated body. I'm very proud of you. I'm proud of the fans.

I'm disappointed in Paul Rust. For eating a biscuit? No, for voting for Popeyes. I'm not disappointed in him because I know he's such a big Wendy's fan that I think it's admirable that he was able to be so objective. So now is it time for a snack and whack in the feed bag? No, we're just going to not do that this week. This guy, this is a fucking mess.

How much longer would you like the investigation to continue? Just end the cover. Wendy's win. It's over. Hey, let's get Armin on the phone again. That was the best part. All right. If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants,

you can email us at dowboyspodcast.com to get the Dowboys double weekly bonus episodes. Subscribe at patreon.com slash dowboys. Mitch, any final thoughts? I'm happy to bring the tournament champions to a close. I'm happy about my health going forward. It's good to end this, Nick. It ends like a dog with rabies being blown away with a shotgun in the backyard. Oh, my God.

Mercifully. Also, Jesus. None of you even commented that I was wearing a suit this whole time, and it's so hot in here. Yeah, you really shouldn't have dressed in a wool suit. You look very sharp. Your jacket was half off when you walked into the house. It's so hot. I'm tired of wearing it.

For now, one of the commissioner doesn't wear a suit. How do people do that? You did it to yourself. No. You do that. You make the rules. Guys, it was a fun tournament. And I'm happy we don't have to do it for a year or maybe ever again.

Yeah, hopefully never again. Hopefully never ever again. That'll do it for the final iteration of the Dowboys tournament of champions. That'll do it for this episode of Dowboys. Thank you to Paul Russ, to David Phillips, to Evan Susser, to Dustin, to U-Song, to Armin. All funny, great people. That's it. See ya.

Until next time, happy eating. See ya. Shubaba do wow. Shubaba do wow. Oh, yeah. Oh, my ever. Shut up. Feral audio.