Doughboys - Tyga Bites with John Hodgman & David Rees

Episode Date: February 24, 2022

The creators and stars of Dicktown on FXX, John Hodgman and David Rees, join the boys to discuss pimento cheese and Mitch’s window installation team before a review of Tyga Bites. Plus, another edition of Slop Quiz. Sources for this week's intro: http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,137548,00.htmlhttps://www.huffpost.com/entry/robert-earl-wants-you-to-_b_5808278 https://www.company-histories.com/Planet-Hollywood-International-Inc-Company-History1.html https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/25/dining/ghost-kitchen-mrbeast-burger.html https://www.virtualdiningconcepts.com/concepts/ https://www.nrn.com/delivery-takeout-solutions/robert-earl-launches-tyga-bites-first-series-celebrity-fueled-virtualWant more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's up, everybody? It's your boy, The Spoon Man, and I want to talk to you about today's sponsor, Uber Eats. At Uber Eats, we've helped more than 400,000 restaurants across the U.S. reach new, hungry customers and deliver growth quickly through new orders. Uber's global platform can help you grow, reach new people, get valuable sales data, and unlock ways to expand with flexible delivery options. Put your business on Uber Eats. Get access to the Uber Eats platform, including valuable sales data to grow your business. Dig into your data. Really dig in there, anytime, to monitor your performance and customer order trends. Wow. Wow.

Why, restaurant owners, enjoy 0% commission for the first 30 days on all orders, offer subject to change per the terms of the restaurant agreement. Wow, 0% on the first 30 days. Sign up today. That link that you want to click on is down there in the episode description. Right down there. Check it out. There it is. Move your cursor. Go ahead and click. Or if you're on your phone, use your finger and click that link. Click that link in the episode description. In 1997, Time magazine published its annual list of the 25 most influential Americans. Read through a modern lens, it's a quaint late 90s time capsule. Among the honorees

are comedian Rosie O'Donnell, dead racist radio host Don Imus, and comic strip character Dilbert. No, not Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert, but Dilbert himself. While few of the names mentioned on the list remain in the public consciousness, notable exceptions are Senator John McCain, golfer Tiger Woods and musician Trent Reznor, as well as, for different horrific reasons, Harvey Weinstein. One lesser known individual has continued to wield his influence 25 years later, restaurateur Robert Earl. The founder of Planet Hollywood, an owner of such chains as Hard Rock Cafe, Bucadabepo, and his eponymous Earl of Sandwich, Robert Earl perfected the formula of a theme park

disguised as a dining experience, a sort of Chuck E. Cheese's for adults. Back in 1997, with action stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, and Bruce Willis as investors slash endorsers, Planet Hollywood seemed prime to take over Planet Earth, with its restaurants centered in tourist hotspots like Times Square, Las Vegas, and Orlando drawing huge lines. Earl hubristically hatched additional concepts to cash in on his own trend, like the sports themed official All-Star Cafe and the perhaps ahead of its time Marvel Mania. But Earl's eyes were bigger than the market's stomach and Planet Hollywood wildly over-expanded. By 2000, just three short years after his glowing time profile, the company had filed

for bankruptcy protection. Today, it's declined from a peak of 60 restaurants to just 6 worldwide. But the fall of Planet Hollywood would prove only to be Earl's dark night of the soul in Hollywood movie terms, and in 2018 he reconfigured the concept of celebrity-oriented dining for the app era, launching virtual dining concepts in partnership with his son, Robbie Earl. And while COVID lockdowns proved ruinous for many dining restaurants, it proved lucrative for the ghost kitchen trend and for the Earl's in particular, using the quarantine delivery boom to launch an array of virtual celebrity eateries using unoccupied space in existing restaurants.

Among its many brands include Mariah Carey's Mariah's Cookies, Mario's Tortas Lopez, Steve Harvey's Family Food, and breakout hit Mr. Beastburger, named for the popular YouTuber. And as of July 2020, the Earl's have added a chicken nugget and tater tot concept launched in partnership with a rapper with the acronymical name Thank You God Always. As Earl said in the 1997 time article, I've always felt that movies and sport and music transcend every barrier. We take them to the people. Now, via celebrity-fronted ghost kitchens, Earl takes them to the people, literally. This week on Doughboys, Tyga Bites.

Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weigher, along with my co-host, Sonic the Small Hog, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. All right. That's, that's nasty. Brett sent that roast in, also writes, sent some alts just in case one or two were used. The only thing worse than my lack of imagination is my memory, his alts, Sonic the Hedgehog, reference to your large noggin, and Sonic the Hot Dog, which is just good, clean, fun. Love you guys, roastspoonman at gmail.com. Is it, is it just clean, fun? Well, whatever.

Sonic likes, Sonic the Hedgehog likes chili dogs. So Sonic the Hedgehog is, yeah, that's that's an insult directed at you, but Sonic the Hot Dog is more generally just food themed and references his favorite treat. Okay. Thanks for that breakdown. That's what I do up top. We go deep with the roasts. How the hell to Spoon Nation? I gotta, I gotta tell you, everyone's asking me, did I go to the big game? They want to know if I went to the big game, likes. Yeah. And that, we have to say big game legally. We have to say big game legally. We don't want to be sued by the NFL, which I don't

even think we can say that. We don't want to be sued by a professional football organization. That's right. Yeah. I want to let the listeners know I did. I went, I dropped $7,000. And I went, I went to the puppy bowl. Oh, Mitch. I went to the puppy bowl. Oh, I got COVID at the puppy bowl. Oh, not worth it. It was worth, no, it was worth it. It was worth it. Okay. It was worth it. I got freaking COVID at the puppy bowl, wigs. At least you got COVID, not Parvo.

Now, is that a 20, 22 sentence or what? Yeah, I got, I got COVID at the puppy bowl. And you know what else was there? Murder hornets. What was it? Was the other thing plague? And plague monkeys were in attendance. Oh boy. And Congress was sitting and illegally elected president. Wait a minute. Okay. That's it. I'm going. Goodbye. Hello, Wags. Hi, Mitch. Wags, I mean, we shouldn't talk about it too much because it's going to get into the

episode territory, but I saw you last night. We saw each other IRL. Here's what we should do. You should play a drop. We should get our guests in here because we have two terrific guests. Okay. And then when we talk about the restaurant, we will talk about our in-person meeting. I agree we have two terrific guests, but it just feels like you're kind of ordering me what to do here. So I guess I, I guess I will do it. I guess I'll play a drop. Just trying to keep the show moving.

All right, all right. If we start talking about the two of us hanging out, it's going to keep going. It's going to go in a bunch of different directions. The stories we could tell. Of the two of us sitting on your couch looking at our phones. Nick silently came over. Anytime I've seen you over a course of like, like even, like I said, when I saw you after I haven't seen you through the entire pandemic. Yeah.

No hug, just a very like, I don't even think you looked me in the eyes. I think you were looking at my feet and you're like, hey, well, nothing unusual about that. Hey, they're hard targets. They're not easy to see. I don't know about, I don't know what hug protocol is. And now, now I'm contradicting my own directive, which was to keep the show moving. But I don't know what hug protocol is post pandemic. I don't feel comfortable seeing someone to be like, hey, let's hug. Not that I was a big hug guy to begin with, but it's like that.

Yeah. If you haven't seen someone in a year or two, you might naturally hug them. But now I'm like, we're all worried about hygiene. I don't know what to do here. I'm going to get a little tentative wave. Are you really in line? If you're in line to get a COVID test, you're still getting a hug strangers. Anybody. All right. Here we go. Here's a little drop. Here we go.

Oh, shit. Did I share audio? We'll find out. Here's, here's, here's, here's, here's our jingle for Doe Boys. Doe, Doe Boys, Doe Boys podcast. I didn't share audio, did I? Yes, you did. No, you did. I heard it. Oh, you did?

Yeah, I heard it. Okay. All right. All right. All right. Starting again. Sorry. Leave all this in. I got so confused. Here's, here's, here's, here's, here's our jingle for Doe Boys. Doe, Doe Boys, Doe Boys podcast.

Same theme as $5 foot long. Same outcome for the host's Jared too. Oh, Jesus. I'm at a good age for scaring teens now. 2022 Wags finally reached his final form. Oh, geez. That was a weird moment for me because you said, oh, I didn't share audio.

And I thought that was part of the drop because I, because your face was, was small on the screen where the, the, the screen share was taken up the Wags real estate. We've done this show so much, you can't tell the reality from drops. No. It's out of control. Every drop should automatically include Mitch messing up the

drop for my life. So Weigar doesn't know what's happening. So it's built into every drop. It's like, it's like, here I'm going to play the drop. And then halfway through it's like, oh God damn it. I didn't, did I share the audio? I did share the audio, did I? And then it goes back into it.

But it's part of the drop. Weigar's confused right now. He thinks this is still part of the drop. He's, this is, this is part of the drop. Hey, double read. This is me from the past. It's part of the drop. Wow.

Mind is exploding. RB has essentially an identity problem with its brand. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. There I did a drop. Pretty good one, honestly. That was great. Hey Doh Fam. This was a, this was a good drop as well.

I just, I just hate hearing us like each shit. Like, like, like when we're telling, you know, when we're doing bits or something on the show, it's just, I guess I just hate hearing the show again. Yeah. When we have to hear our own show. I know. And you hear how bad it is.

Right. Bums me out, I guess. It bums you out when the listeners force you to listen to your own show. Yes. I understand. But you see why maybe you deserve it. Yes. That's why people keep listening.

Gonna isolate the trash that they had to absorb orally and give it to us. Yeah. No, that's, that's, that's the, and that's why drops are tough. Maybe I should say, maybe we should make a rule of no, not using the show, but I mean, I think that would make things impossible. Hey Doh Fam. Submitted for the approval of the Doh Boys Midnight Society. It's, it's after a while.

There's bedtime. I caught this drop. Eat fresh and congrats on winning I heart radio's best food podcast. We hope all the new listeners enjoy the cum jokes, pedophile bits and Heathcliff references. Sincerely Kim from Cleveland. Thanks Kim. Thanks Kim.

Great job. Wow. And thank you. I heart radio. Thank you. I heart radio. I hope your bri bunny is treating you well. Craven fucks.

Jesus Christ. Weigar said, Emma said, where should I send the trophy on the text chain? She said, where should I send the trophy for winning the I heart radio award? And Weigar's response was to the dump. And I said, I take it. I'm going to probably display the I heart radio trophy. It'll be on your shelf next to the Captain Phasma figurine. Sure.

Why not? And the monster jar you made it color me. Mitch, we have great guests today. As I mentioned earlier from the anime. It really must be terrible to be an award winning podcast. I understand how difficult it must be. I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I was excited about it.

This is why this is all on Weigar. It's nice. It's nice to when people praise you. The animated series Dicktown is Thursday nights at 10 on FXX starting March 3rd and on Hulu the next day. John Hodgman, David Reiser here. What's up dudes? Hello.

Hi. It's me, David. Thank you. Thank you for having us on. Thank you both for making time for us. David patiently waited till the guest introduction. Yes. Unlike someone else.

Unlike all other guests that I've ever heard on the show. Did I wait too long to start talking? You're great. To everything right, David? Totally proud. To start over I can start talking as soon as the show starts. As everyone knows, season one of Dicktown is available now on Hulu Bittotley, slash Dicktown, D-I-C-K-T-O-W-N.

That's what we named our show. Season two returns March the 3rd. Tomorrow if you're listening today with me and David Reis. That's right. It will actually be, it will be a week from today if you're listening today. OK, a week from today if you're listening today. Set a reminder. Next Thursday.

Hey Siri, remind me to watch Dicktown on FXX at 10 p.m. one week from today if today is today. Definitely activated my, hey Siri, and I hope I got some of your listeners as well. Now that I'm the most hated man, let me reintroduce my co-host, David Reis. Are we the co-hosts? This is our podcast now? Now that I'm the most hated man, let me introduce my co-star and co-creator of Dicktown, David Reis, my old friend.

A great show. Happy to have you both. Thank you very much. You would know. As I would know, I was going to say I had the honor, I didn't know if I could say it, but I had the honor of being in an episode this season and it was a blast. It was an honor to work for you guys and it was very funny, the episode's very funny. The premise of the show, and then we'll just always be plugging into it, always be plugging.

Yeah, we are. The premise of the show, Dicktown, is that my character is an encyclopedia brown type boy detective who has grown up into a sad middle-aged man. David Reis is my former high school bully who is now my hired muscle driver and unlikely friend. We solve mysteries for teens, including a young teen named Mitch who wants us to clear his name because he is the high school sports mascot Grubby and definitely legally on Gritty, the Flyers mascot.

He says that another person has been wearing a Grubby costume all around town and farting in stores and making a mess and he's in trouble. I love it. I had pitched. And this is based on my real life thing. This is a real life story. Someone was dressing up as me farting in stores. Yeah.

Well, we had to cast you because no one so fully resembles a big head mascot in real life as you. So that was a given and then I had suggested to the team, and David Reis may not even know this, but I had suggested that we cast Weigar as Mitch's mother who shows up in the episode. Oh, I didn't. I don't think I knew that. Yeah.

I had wanted Weigar to be Mitch's mom. True team stuff. Yeah, but Floyd County are producers who also create Archer, which is a successful animated show. Oh, yes. And you have to remember that your cartoon is not fan fiction for a podcast. Right. It's not a Doughboyz fan fiction.

This is actually a TV show that you're making. Yeah. Weigar does a pretty good impression of my mom, Wags, if you wouldn't mind showing John. Yeah. It's your mom I always feel like is just yelling at you from the other room, something like, Michael, I made you a tuna sandwich for your record. That is true.

Yeah. You're often a thing that happens. She'll have made a tuna sandwich for you and bring it in while you're recording. Hell, she's going to be out here next week. I hope that happens during a record with a tuna sandwich. I would be very happy. A great, my mom makes a great tuna sandwich, Wags, sourdough, toasted, mayo, tuna fish, chopped up onions, red onion, chopped up pickles all in there.

Oh, all mixed into the salad. That's right. Oh, tuna salad sandwich, tuna salad sandwich, classic sandwich. Yeah. Michael, I hope they don't cast Weigar as me in Dicktown. It'll be too meta. Yeah. That's fair.

That's fair. Listen, too meta. Yeah. David Reese, what do you put in a tuna salad? I'm not the host of the show. Why am I talking? Goodbye. No, that's a great question.

No, I love this. This is a great question. Should I answer it? Please. Yes. It's just, let's see, tuna, mayonnaise, red, I also do red onion. Great. I don't know.

I mean, growing up, it always had celery in it. I usually don't bother buying celery because then you just have so many stalks of celery, although in the last six months I did start, I tried to start, I was trying to lose weight, so I stopped eating pimento cheese with crackers and just started eating pimento cheese with celery, which probably made a little bit of a difference, but it's kind of like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic a little bit. But for a long time, I would never just bother buying celery because you would use like half a stalk of celery to make a tuna salad sandwich and then you'd have like 50 stalks left, you

know. You've got some big celery out there in North Carolina. Well, celery takes up a lot of, I mean, it's interesting, it's mostly water actually. A lot of people don't know that. There's a lot of water and celery, it's really fibrous, but it takes up a lot of space. It's really bulky and if you have other stuff in your vegetable crisper, the celery blocks out a lot of it and it's basically like filling half of your vegetable crisper with packing peanuts because they're just taking up space and you're not really ever going to eat it.

You know what I mean? Yeah. No, a hundred percent. No, I'm with you. I agree. I like celery with peanut butter, but how often am I going to dance on the log? I guess like you're saying, David, if I have that in my crisper, I'd probably try to eat it as quick as possible just to get it out of there.

Yeah. And that's totally what I do. It's like, I got to get through all this celery. You know, it's like, I got one tub of cheese and five stalks of celery. It's go time because you don't want it to get, you know, when it starts to get all yellowy and soft and it's really crisp and fresh. It's actually like really fun and then, you know, my sister-in-law taught me something really interesting.

I never knew about it. It's like a huge complaint about the celery is when you eat it, you get all those celery strings gunked up in your mouth and you know, it's just like chewing old shoelaces. I never knew this until she showed me like, she showed me this like eight years ago. You can just strip off on the outside of the celery stalk. You can just strip off all those strands. Holy shit. You know, it's like husking corn.

It's the same. It's like taking the corn, the corn silks off an ear of corn and then you can eat the celery. You don't have the little strings in your mouth. I never, I've never known that in my whole life. That's an incredible celery hack right there. Yeah. Emma, did you know this?

Emma's shaking her head. I'm as muted. Sorry. No, I did not know this and I'm floored and I'm going to go buy celery and try it because that's part of celery. I mean, it literally was like an ad for celery. She was like, oh, I love having celery for celery, but how can you eat all that celery with those horrible fibrous strings?

Isn't celery one of those foods? It's like negative calories. Like it takes more calories. Yeah, because you're burning calories, chewing. It's like ice, you know? Yeah. Bringing in laws together now without strings brought to you by the Celery Council. And if you're like me and you're trying to lose weight and you don't want to give up

your pimento cheese habit, if you don't have any celery in the house, you can always put pimento cheese on ice cubes and eat it that way because that's also a negative calorie food. Celery, celery and ice cubes. Yeah. John. Yes. David mentions pimento cheese.

Yes. You gave me a gift this year of pimento cheese. Is it the same pimento cheese? No. That David was eating? No. Okay. That was authentic North Carolina pimento cheese, the gifts that we sent to our partners

in this project. The pimento cheese I eat is just like the 199 special at Trader Joe's. I don't know where it's made. It's not regionally authentic. You know, David's always going to TJ's for all of this. Yeah. Actually, last time we were on this podcast, we talked about Trader Joe's. Yeah.

But pimento cheese, if there are listeners who don't know, our show Dicktown is set in a fictional town in North Carolina called Richardsville. And then the Carolinas, they have pimento cheese, which is what, David, shredded cheddar cheese and mayonnaise. I'm a fool. I'm just putting all of this together. I did not even, I didn't get, I just thought it was a nice gift for doing the show. I explained it to you in the email.

I wrote you an email explaining it. Which isn't good. Someone's ringing my doorbell. Hold on. I gotta go. Hold on a second. I'm sorry. Let's find out who this is.

Yeah. That's my letter explaining what pimento cheese is. Oh, someone is literally ringing his doorbell? Yes. I thought he just didn't want to have this conversation. No, no. This is a professional podcast. Yeah.

He's... I can even see him go to his door. He will step away during our cord. Look at that. He's... To answer his door. We can see him open the door. This is pretty common.

He's got a big billy. He's got a lot of deliveries. Big glass story scratching his chin. He does get a lot of deliveries and he does... He will not allow the person to just leave it outside. He has to go in person. Someone's coming in the house. Someone's walking into the house.

Someone's walking into the house. Oh, it's two people. Okay. Three people. Three people. A crew of people. Three different people with matching polos. What is going on here?

Walking into Mitch's house. I hope this is playing out loud into his apartment right now. I'm gonna guess they're installing a Coca-Cola freestyle machine. Good guess. Good guess. Mitch, what the hell is going on? Who are those people? What was that?

They're getting 5,000 taiga bites delivered and they sent a crew. They look like a dance team. One of my windows is not working. So there's the developers, they've sent over some great people to help fix the window. They seem nice. Is that good for podcaster recording to have a window installed while you're recording? Yeah, you scheduled the window for when we were recording Doe Boys. Right.

Yeah, we need three hours. Can it expand exactly when we have our record scheduled? Okay, that is not how it happened at all. Okay. Mitch, pimento cheese is shredded cheddar cheese and mayonnaise and cayenne pepper and pimentos, the stuff that's stuffed in olives, all mixed up. It's like a salad and you have it like a tuna salad sandwich, except it's a pimento cheese sandwich.

It's a cheese salad, basically. It's fantastic. I love it. I can't get enough of it. In Dicktown, the first episode, the pimento cheese recipe is stolen and that's not the episode you were in. So you wouldn't know. Right.

I made myself a grilled pimento cheese sandwich with that and also my mom and sister were just in love with the pimento cheese. They were. It wasn't for them. I tried to tell you. You didn't say this over and over again, are they cast members? I even told them that there was, well, my mom is kind of almost in there. In a way, she kind of is.

That's interesting. There is a character playing your mother, yes. So I felt like maybe my sister was just the one that should have been excluded. Many of your sisters should not have had any of your pimento cheese. We were eating it with crackers and we were loving it. It was a great holiday treat. Sure. It was fantastic.

When we came up with the idea of a wrap gift, you're welcome, of course, you're wonderful in the show. We came up with the idea for a wrap gift for all of the cast and the guest stars and stuff. We thought to ourselves, well, we could send a tote bag or, you know. New windows. Why wouldn't we send something that is, you know, custom made and perishable? That'll be fun. Yeah.

I mean, I think we may have accidentally poisoned it. I think that window installer in the background. Yeah. What is going on? I've truly never seen this ever being on a podcast where it's so great, this is like if you have that ring doorbell or you have one of those cameras where you can watch your dogs during the day. Yes.

I've just never had this kind of voyeuristic thrill before. No, this is, it is wild. What is happening is, it is wild, but it's a good thing. It's a good thing. No, I'm glad your window's getting repaired. Yeah. And I might have to actually take another second in a second. Go ahead, Wags.

Ask any question you want. I was going to, and I wonder if this is completely beyond the pale for someone from North Carolina, the land of pimento cheese, but I will sometimes get pimento cheese. I've been to places where they put it on a burger and I think that's pretty toothsome. You think that's pretty what? Toothsome. I'll take pimento cheese in a burger. Will you eat a burger with blue cheese on it?

Oh yeah, I'll do that. Yeah, why not? That makes sense. Yeah, I think it's the same kind of vibe. It's like, it's super rich and kind of heavy. You can put it on crackers, you can put it on celery, you can put it on a burger, you can have it cold in a sandwich, grilled in a sandwich, you can have it almost anyway. When I'm trying to lose weight, I don't put it on a cracker though.

I just wake up at 2 a.m. and eat it with a spoon until it's gone, save those cracker and celery calories. Right. I enjoyed it on a cracker. I didn't try the celery, but I did try it. But you didn't get poisoned, did you? I did not get poisoned. Yeah, because it's highly perishable food, we realized after we had made the order.

Oh, is it really? We're sending this to the incredible talents who donated, well, basically donated their time. There was some nominal payment, but basically made our show better and now we're sending them what could be poisoned by the time it arrives. Oh, wow. No, I did not, I did not, I was not poisoned, but I did eat it a little later. Well, you look great and you sound great.

Yeah. Good. It's not a slow setting in poise, it would be like immediate. We would know that. No, it's six to nine months. Yeah. It's real slow. It would be kicking in around now.

If it were bad. Oh, wow. What is it? We're still in February, right? Yeah. Yeah, it would be kicking in around now. Okay. All right.

Good to know. Yeah. Well, hopefully not during this pod, because especially because there's people here. Are you not? I'm sorry. We wouldn't want anything to distract the podcast. No, you're right. Are you not self-conscious doing your podcast while there's people in your house?

Oh, no, very self-conscious. Oh, okay. All right. But you just know you have to get it done and so you just have to put them out of my mind. Yeah, I get a power through it. They can listen to you right now and they're only hearing your side of the conversation, right?

Yeah. No, it sucks that there's, it sucks that there, I feel bad for the people here who hear the podcast and hear how much it sucks. Oh, right. It's the truth. But maybe if you, maybe they'll, maybe at the end of it, maybe when they're done installing the window, one of them will be like, Hey man, were you recording a podcast? It sounded really cool.

What's the name of it? And then you'll get a new list. That's possibility. There you go. I don't know if that will happen. I can tell that Mitch is, Mitch is, would it be fair to say that you are normally fairly self-conscious? Yes.

Because I don't think you're enjoying this, having these people in your house while you're doing the podcast. A hundred percent. Yes, you're right. Yeah, I feel like, David, I think Mitch is so self-conscious his heart's about to explode. No, I feel that. I mean, I kind of wanted to talk more about it, but I don't want to put him in this situation of having to discuss having these people in his house overhearing him while there are

literally people in his house overhearing him. So if you want to go into that mode where it's like you're on the phone with your friend and you're talking about something you can't talk about with the other person in the room and you just go into, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, David is a hundred percent right. I will say that much. Yeah. I would be in agony right now. I would be in absolute agony.

Hey, Mitch, where are those classic semen jokes that you often make on the podcast? Well, John. Mm-hmm. Like that. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Hey, Nick. I mean, hey, Mitch, why don't you talk like you always do about what Nick Weigher can do to his own body? All right. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Now the worker is like, God, this guy, someone's really making this guy laugh on his podcast. He's all he's doing is laughing.

This must be a good podcast. I think this should be an impetus, Mitch, to get a private space to record. As you record in the common area of your open floor plan, as we mentioned earlier, I saw your new place last night. Oh. Spent some time in it. It's very open. You could not be more public, more like in the center of everything where you record

the podcast. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You know, I'm just going to do that for you. What are you doing? It's so good. Oh, my God. It's so good.

This is so good. I'm going to just do that for Wags because I also just don't like what he's saying. So I'm just going to kind of ignore him anyways. But you're right. I have a little room for that I'm going to make into a bit of an office at some point. There you go. Nice. But this is so electric.

I mean, this is so, you know, it's like, it's so crazy. Yeah, no, no, no, no, a hundred percent. It's like a high wire act. You start recording, you're like, you probably couldn't hear this, but when you got up to go into the door, like, we could all see you go to the door and open the door. It was like so nuts. Yeah, I actually heard you. I could I heard you through my headphones.

Still I have wireless headphones, so I was still was hearing everything. A little bit of a brag. All right. It makes it feel it's like doing a stand-up comedy set like in Times Square. It's like it's so it's you're so exposed. Yes. I think it's really cool. Yeah, it's no, it's bad.

It's bad. It's bad news. This would happen at your old apartment too, Mitch, but it would be like you'd go answer the door and it would be like your UPS driver who kind of became a supporting character on the show because it would happen pretty frequently. And you would have a little conversation with them and then you'd come back and resume the show. Sal.

Sal. You know Sal. I don't know Sal. Who's your new UPS driver? Do you know? I don't know yet, actually. Hasn't been on the podcast yet. Call him up.

Get them over. Yeah, let him in. Yeah, but let him in right now. I'm going to be right back. Sorry. Okay. This is not a bit. Mitch is actually leaving.

He's actually leaving. Oh, so he left the front door open. I bet he's going to close the front door. He can hear us, of course. Yeah. He did close the front door and now he's talking and shouting something up the stairs. He's like, don't. Oh my God.

Yeah, I think the window looks nice. Front door just opened. Mitch, Mitch, the door is open. Mitch, the door is open again. Mitch, there's someone coming in behind you. Mitch, re-close the door. Oh my God. They're going to have to replace that door along with that window.

They're going to be here. I love it. Door guys. We'll just be setting up shop back here. Yeah. Keep it going. You recording? Sure.

It's like the scene in the Marks Brothers movie where everyone's piling into the steam ship cabin. Yeah. You get some clumsy piano movers coming in. Yeah. That's right. You got it. Yeah.

What were they asking you from the top of the stairs when you were, oh, you can't say it because they'll hear you and then they'll know you're talking, forget. Forget I asked. Forget I asked. There is a thing where I am slightly nervous about the cat. So I'm wondering if I should take my laptop and my recorder and go upstairs to check on them. But that seems like a lot of work.

Check on what? Look, the cat. He's got his cat's wally and Irma upstairs. He's going to, and he's a panic cat parent, so this is going to be another distraction. Here's what we're going to do. What do you think the window people are doing to your cats, Mitch? He can't say because then they'll know he's talking about them. You just have to go through the options and have him grunt yes or no.

Do you think your cats are safe? Don't ask him to blink twice because you can't tell. Do you think your cats are in danger? Do you want to go check on your cats? Okay, Mitch, this is not a direction. This is a suggestion because I know you hate direction, but I think we should take a break since we're at about the half hour mark anyway. You can check on wally and Irma and then we can resume the podcast.

Is that all right? I love that idea. I love that idea. All right, great. We'll take a break. We'll be right back with more Doe Boys. You know, Mitch, you're about to take a little trip abroad. You're going to Costa Rica.

That's right. Why? I'm going to Costa Rica with the family. It's going to be a lot of fun. Going to maybe see a monkey. Oh, that's fun. Going to maybe see a bird. Just that.

Just a one monkey, one bird. That's it. Hey, that sounds like a heck of a vacay. And you know what? Mm-hmm. Knowing some Spanish might be helpful down there. And if you have an upcoming summer trip abroad, my go-to travel hack is Babel. Whether you're a season traveler or embarking on your first adventure,

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and feature sustainably sourced seafood in our meals. Head to FactorMeals.com slash Doughboys50 and use code Doughboys50 to get 50% off your first box. That's code Doughboys50 at FactorMeals.com slash Doughboys50 to get 50% off your first box. Do it. Welcome back to Doughboys. We are here with our guests, John Hodgman, David Reese, and Mitch and his window installation team. Mitch, give us an update.

They're gone. The window installation team is gone. They already did it? They already did it. Wow. The window was broken. It's very funny because there's... I'll decide.

I mean, it's not funny at all. I got a text this morning that was like, we're going to have people on site today because your window is broken. And so we might stop by anywhere between 12 and 4 or something. What do you mean by broken? The glass is shattered? It wouldn't go up and down. It wouldn't go up and down.

Okay. The jam was stuck. Right. Yeah. And so... And they came in and then... They came, of course, right when the podcast started. And they came in.

They fixed the window. I noticed. They were here with someone who I deal with with these broken issues and a little bit of... We butt heads a little bit on stuff. You're talking about like you're super? You and the window team? Basically, yes.

Whoa. And so... And she was saying like... What are your butt heads over? I bet that's the person who wasn't wearing the red shirt, right? Because everyone was wearing a red shirt except for one person. Is that the person who works at your facility or your compound? Is she the supervisor who's your...

David, my answer to that is... Mm-hmm. Okay, go ahead. Say no more. Mm-hmm. Yep. Yeah, sure. Mm-hmm.

Is your mommy mad at you? Mm-hmm. Is she standing beside you? Mm-hmm. Can you come over to play? Mm-hmm. So chaotic. And then I was getting very self-conscious as you guys noted.

And then once I said like, Oh, these people are listening to this podcast and it sucks. And like I looked over and they like didn't really react. And I was like, oh boy, this is the... Or that one person didn't really react. So I got scared and just decided to stay quiet. Anyways, look, all in a... What made you worried about your cats?

What made you worried about your cats? What were you afraid was going to happen now that you can speak? Well, I had a couple of people over recently and I just didn't worry. I'm nervous about myself because I put them in my room before all this started. Yeah. But then just recently, I told Weiger this, I had a couple of people over and I came downstairs and the door was a jar. And then when I saw the door was open, I was like,

I should make sure that the cats were in my room. I don't want them to get out. They will... Coyotes will get them if they get out. Right. That is just a matter of fact. So I went and double checked on them. They're both great.

They're both up there sitting in the room. They're doing fine. Okay. But as a cat owner, that is... I think that's the number one thing to me that is like the most stressful is just door checkage. You're always going to check on your door. You got to make sure that the cats don't come by. But John, anyways, what do you like in your tuna salad?

Wow. There we go. What a pro. Wow. Okay. That was quite a journey. I like mayonnaise and a little chopped onion, but no celery for me, thanks. Lots of black pepper.

I love pickles on a tuna salad sandwich, but I don't add it in, but I might try that now because it sounds interesting. David and I both red onion in tuna salad, which I think red onion works better in tuna salad. Okay. But I might be white onion overall. I'm sorry. I fucked up. I'm saying I like white onion overall, but I like red onion in tuna salad for whatever reason. White onion has more uses.

Yeah. But red onion in tuna salad, I think I'm with you on there. Although, you know, hey, I'm not averse to green onion or some chives. Throw that in there. Here's a tuna salad thing I'll do. And I learned this and back in the Scouts. Nick Weigar's famous nine onion tuna salad. Every version of onion.

One onion in tuna. Yeah. The, I would take the, oh, some shallots will be nice too. You can throw some shallots in a tuna salad. Anyway, I was going to say, in the Scouts, I learned you could chop up an apple and throw that in there. Oh, like that? No. Yeah, I know that type of, yeah.

A lot of foam. And Nick, your favorite way to chop up an apple is. All right. Look, he's unleashed. Let's get your door, your window team back in here. Mitch is back. I would have gladly said that Nick fucked an apple in front of those people. I would not have cared.

Oh, it's easy for you to say. They probably heard worse. Yeah. Yeah, it's true. My mom used to make that iconic like 60s, 70s era molded tuna salad that you make in like a. Wow. Cake ring. Oh yeah.

And that had everything we've mentioned, but it also had black olives and I think walnuts. That was heavy duty. Like I was a pretty dense gelatinous tuna salad. Yeah. That's like a holiday treat or something, right? Like that's feels very. Would that be like in an aspect or something? Kind of, I mean, when I think back on it, it had that vibe to it that kind of like,

like really decade specific mouth feel, you know, like that you just don't feel that much anymore. I did a thing in both David and I have podcasts. He has election profit makers. I have Judge John Hodgman always be plugging, but the point is on Judge John Hodgman, we did a thing over the holidays where listeners sent in their grossest family traditional treats and drinks that they have. At the holiday, it was like, because somebody had a fight with his friend because like, you should add sprite to eggnog. That's a tradition in my family. And that's not very good, but what turns out to be really good is eggnog with orange soda. Try it.

Try it. Wow. But someone else wrote in saying, our family has always eaten tomato soup pudding. And it's basically tomato soup, can of tomato soup, a lot of chopped up red onion and then a packet of gelatin and you put it in a mold. That's not right. Sounds gross. It comes out. It's solid tomato soup.

You can make it into a sandwich and it was really, I think there's also a pack of cream cheese in it as well. Yeah, that sounds revolting. It was really not, it was, this guy loved it. It was like, we fight over who gets to have the last slice of tomato loaf. Yeah. But there was a lot of gelatin, there were a lot of gelatin salads in the 60s and 70s. It was a big thing. A lot of people were fucking, one time you, often you would make a gelatin salad and you would just drop everyone's house keys in it.

And then whoever's key got it. That's how families got started. David, I would do blackout when I would go to, when I would eat the period of my life where I ate at Subway quite a bit, because there was one around the corner from me. This is why I lived on Citrus Ave way back in the day, right here, Wilshire, between sixth and Wilshire. I, I would, there was a subway right around the corner. I get subway and I would do a tuna sandwich and I get a toasted to kind of almost like a tuna melt. And I would do olives on there. I would do, I would do the bunch of stuff, but olives were included.

Oh, totally. Yeah. Yeah. I would do, I always just, when I would go to Subway, I would just always just get everything on it. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of the way that you can make Subway decent is just by adding as much kind of veggies as possible. It's almost like you're making money when you go there.

If you put everything on it, you know, it's like people who know how to buy weight. Like, let me show you how to maximize this, this salad bar. A hundred percent. Don't put any lettuce in because lettuce is cheap and you're paying by the bucket, right? Just get 12 hard boiled eggs. Yeah, right. Did Subway get aware of that? And then spinach like was an upcharge or is that, is it?

Oh, really? I wonder. I don't know. I honestly don't even know. I think spinach, you can still, I don't think spinach is an upcharge, but I honestly don't like it. They keep tweaking their menu. I would do black olives with tuna sandwich with the tuna at Subway as well. Like, yeah, that would, for whatever reason, that seemed to work.

I mean, also like Subway is, and this is both of your points, but it's, you're trying to do anything to sort of salvage the flavor, right? And so like something like olives that taste distinct will make it a little bit more of a tolerable lunch. Yeah. Yeah. Like Subway between the Jiu Jitsu Center and the Consulate General of Spain on Wilshire? I believe, yes. Wow. Right next to a, right next to a fat burger.

Well, there's an El Pollo Loco there now, apparently. Yes. No, there's an El Pollo Loco is there. Yeah. I just looked it up on Google, Citrus and Wilshire. Yeah. And there are a lot of reviews here, like one star reviews saying, why won't they give me more black olives? 15 different names.

This place sucks. SUX, more black olives, please. They shouldn't limit the number of black olives. I should be able to get a sub of only black olives is weird. Black olives sub. There's also some reviews of the Spanish Consulate that say the same thing. Not enough black olives. I was knocking up, but when I couldn't get my fix at Subway, I did go next door.

I tried to see if they could give me anything. Was that a knock? Yeah. That was the door of the Spanish. Oh, Jesus. Abierto, por favor. Abierto. Olívias.

Yo necesito. Olívios. Olívios negros. I think that's right. I don't know. I'm sorry, everybody. That was pretty good. I thought that off the top of your head.

That's a good imitation of you trying to speak Spanish. I agree. I thought that knock was at my door and I got very scared. I thought it was the drop. Mitch, I am a little concerned though that I did see, you weren't looking, but we can see behind you and I saw your door open and either a man or a woman in a full scream costume going upstairs. Oh, ghost faces here?

That's fine. Yeah, ghost face. Ghost faces upstairs. You know, I never ate to, not that this is a tuna app, but maybe now it is a tuna app. I never, I would never eat tuna just on its own. And then that all changed swags. When I got tuna Mac at a little place called Clementine right near the

Fox lot. I don't know. I know you've had Clementine. I know Clementine. Yeah. I don't know if our guests know Clementine. Was it a restaurant or like a food truck? I don't know it.

It's a restaurant right, right behind the Fox lot basically. And it's kind of like a little, it's like, it's like a salad and sandwich and like deli salads and stuff like that, but it's kind of up skill. And we went there through the Simpsons and there'd be like a lot of like Beverly Hills mums and dads in line when I would go there to pick up lunch. Right. But they had a tuna Mac there that was like just like noodles and tuna and then chunks of cheddar.

And it was fantastic. And I never really even had tuna Mac. So I was, you know, 25 years old. Each time I like tuna Mac and cheese or tuna casserole. Or like a pasta salad with cheese, cubes of cheese and tuna in it? Yes. Basically pasta salad with, with, with, yes. Not baked.

Not warm. Not surf cold. Correct. Yeah. And is the, is the tuna like, like canned tuna or like seared fresh tuna? It's, it's, it's like tuna fish. I don't know why I'm asking. The answer doesn't matter.

It's just, you shouldn't have eaten it. It was delicious. No, that's, that's saying that changed my mind on two, on a, on eating tuna without any bread or anything like that. Like I was always a tuna fish. First of all, my, my, my, my great, my, my grandma's sister. Your great aunt, your grand-aunt. Yeah.

Mamie and she was, she was a great lady and she made, she would make tuna sandwiches and she, uh, one time she smoked all the time and she asked and she asked, she didn't ask. She asked, she asked in my tuna fish sandwich. Yeah. Put a little pepper on this tuna sandwich for you. Little black pepper. And, uh, and that, and it caused me to, uh, uh, to throw up.

And so I never ate tuna again. Whoa, really? And then not until I came back out to LA, when I went to subway, I finally got tuna fish sandwiches, but I never would eat it just by itself until tuna Mack. That's, that's my, that's my tuna fish origin story. Brought you back. That's cool. It brought me back.

I'm sorry. I cannot have a tuna fish sandwich. Years ago, my great aunt accidentally asked a tiny amount of cigarette ash into it, making me very ill. I will not have another tuna sandwich until a major international operation starts serving it out of tubs with their hands. I've never gotten sick from a subway sandwich. Subway got you passed in a version.

It's amazing. Thank you. Thank you. Subway. Thank you. Subway. Thank you for all you do. Bring Jared back.

Bring him back. He's due. Uh, tiger bites is this week's chain. Not tuna, but tiger. We're discussing tiger bites launches a ghost kitchen in July of 20. Jared's, Jared should follow up the subway diet with like the, the prison workout regime. I feel like he's probably in good shape.

Right. I heard he put on a bunch of weight when he was, when he's in the joint. Yeah. He just kind of wet regressed a little bit. You're, you're, you're writing to him. Right. Yeah. This is our personal correspondence.

Nick is, Nick is showing up. It's like mind hunter. Like I want you to learn from you. I want to understand Nick. You can't keep using the dough boys account to pay for your trips to visit Jared and prison. So you don't understand the research I'm doing is going to change the world. Here's his letter to, to Jared.

Are you my Tyler Durden? Sorry. Nick, go ahead. No, this is a look. Tiger bites is we did not have a pleasant experience there. At least Mitch and I didn't, which we'll get into, but it was there. There, there, there. Where did you go?

Ghost kitchen. We did not have a, we did not have a pleasant experience getting this food that was just part of Robert Earl's empire of ghost kitchens. Robert Earl founded planet Hollywood. He owns hard rock cafe, bouquet de bepeau, Guy Fieri's chicken guy, a bunch of other chains and he launched, he launched a yes. And he launched virtual dining concepts in 2018. So he was kind of on the vanguard of the ghost chicken ghost kitchen trend.

Other celebrity ghost chicken trend. Some of these are chicken concepts, including this one, other celebrity virtual dining concepts in addition to tiger bites, Mr. Beast burger, which we reviewed in the podcast and did not like barstool bites, Paulie D's Italian subs and Steve Harvey's family food. So they do a bunch of these barstool bites barstool bites. I was reading these off to David when we, when we ordered our tiger bites, these concepts and David got family food and I didn't, but it's family food. I didn't get that.

It's a segment on dough boys. Yeah. It was the only one that was not intrinsically repulsive to hear about Paulie D's Italian subs. That's fine. I'm sure those are fine. Yeah. Well, anyway.

Do we maybe get one of the worst one? Well, look, I don't want to, I don't want to tip the scales on, on, on, you know, I don't want to tip and I don't want to give away what, what we're feeling here, but we've got to get into it anyways. But we started before the episode even began. We were saying how last night sucked. I mean, the company sucked. Wait a minute.

The meal sucked. Here's what I don't understand. If I can ask you, I never heard of this idea of virtual dining concepts where celebrities, people who have a profile of some kind, or ideally like a lot of Instagram followers, will license their name to this company, which will then license some generic product under their name to existing restaurant kitchens wherever. It's like a, it's like a fast food franchise without the real estate. So if you have.

Yes. In our case, we, we looked it up because we ordered over a seamless or grub hub or something and the address of tiger bites quote unquote matched with an address of a Thai restaurant. Right, David? Yeah. So this Thai restaurant obviously has a deal with virtual dining concepts to sell these chicken nuggets. Yes.

So there is no restaurant. So where did you go? Exactly. We didn't go anywhere physically, although you can pick it up from certain locations, although there's nowhere in really in LA proper. You would have to go out to Granada Hills to pick it up, which is partly why Mitch and I ended up having our meal together. That's right.

It would deliver to where I live, but it would deliver to where Mitch lived and we figured we are, I invited myself over and you were okay with that. And is that, is that when you fucked up his window? Yes. Yeah. I mean, we weren't going to, we both decided not to talk about that on the episode, but that Perry Perry dust on those chicken nuggets went to your head and Mitch started throwing you.

Let me see if I can throw you through this window. It's, it's a, so basically, yeah, the way that the short of it is, Hodgman, you basically figured out exactly how this works. It's just, it will be, oftentimes it's an existing chain restaurant. I mean, Mitch, you experienced short, like, like, like Bukit Abapo has a lot of these, you know, the buddy, the, the Robert Earl owns a lot of, or owns Bukit Abapo says oftentimes their kitchens will be used, but you experienced at a, which restaurant? Was it a Bertucci's Mitch or was it a D'Angelo's?

No, it was, it was Bertucci's. It was a Bertucci's. So they're just using their existing kitchen. It may be very sad. They're using their existing kitchens because their dining rooms are not getting, doing the same volume to do more takeout orders. And then so they just, they have the same shit they use, you know, for their own recipes and they just reappropriate it for whatever's on the NASCAR refuel menu.

So that's what's happening with taiga bites. And I don't know where exactly ours was prepared at. There's also two, some dedicated ghost kitchen spots. I've been to a few of those and those are really grim. It's just basically an industrial kitchen with a, you know, with a storefront that feels like a mail room where they're just like, they're, they're prepping like eight different restaurants in the same place. So that's what this is.

And you're allowed to just go eat there or look around? Some of these places you can pick up from. Some of them have pick up, like, like, but, but for the most part, these places are delivery only and you go and pick, you go and pick up and, and refuse to leave. You just stand there awkwardly in the corner. I just hang out. Yeah. Yeah.

Now I'd just like to see what's happening. Sorry, I keep interrupting you. I apologize. No, this is great. The, so it, so taiga bites, Mitch, we ordered, or you ordered, and I guess we should start with that the family packs, which are how you get a bunch of these different bites because you're basically, their entire menu is chicken nuggets and tots. That's it.

That's all they offer. There's a cookie though. There's a bite size cookie. Well, if yours was, if yours was bite size, if yours was bite size, then that was not our experience. Yeah. But they have, but they have, they have what they call cookie bites. They have, they have tots and they have chicken nuggets, chicken bites, which are, which come

with some sort of dust and a bunch of different sauces. So basically like, like ordering the family pack, Mitch, you still, you were locked into only one dust. You had to make a bunch of individual orders in order for us to try all the different dusts, which is something that Buffalo Wild Wings or whatever they don't, you can select more than one flavor. Or wingstop. Yeah.

Yeah. Or wingstop anywhere. I mean, like most wing places. So now you have like, you know, whatever, 40 nuggets with one. So we did a bunch of, we did a bunch of riding solo, I believe is what it was called, right? Rolling solo pack. Yes. Rolling solo.

That's the combo. You get an eight piece with a tater tots and your choice of dust and two dips. Your choice of dust. Yes. It was dusty. Very appetizing. They need to work a little on that. I think the dust are black garlic, lemon, black pepper and peri peri.

I had lemon black pepper. That was the one that sounded like the best. Let's get into it. I don't know if you were right, David, it maybe does sound like the best, but Nick and I both probably thought that the, that the black garlic was the best dust. Yeah. Black garlic or no dust were probably my two favorites, but look, everyone's dust rate rankings are going to be different.

So I guess we should just, we should get into it. My thought is that it was kind of interesting that Nick, we said this, like I would eat a nugget and be like, the nugget actually isn't bad. Just as a nugget. Yeah. What? I mean, Hearing out.

Hearing out. Ours were warm enough and kind of juicy enough that I was like, these are fine as a nugget, but this place is a whole sucks. Yes. Like my thought is that as a whole it sucks. But David also, if someone was like, I thought that the nugget sucked shit, I also would believe them and understand where you're coming from. You wouldn't think they were lying?

I wouldn't think you were lying. There's so much variance with these ghost kitchens because they instantly scale up to 1,200 locations. And these are a bunch of kitchens for different restaurants. The employees are all used to making different things. So yeah, they'll be all sorts of, yeah, who fucking knows if your nuggets are all tasting like ours. You don't think Robert Pearl and his cool son, Robbie Pearl, aren't personally overseeing

consistency across the brands? Someone's going to get some book, someone's going to get some book deal, book deal where they explore like the very subtle regional differences in the Taiga Bytes ghost kitchens. It's like the ones on the East Coast, those are usually fried in a different type of oil than the ones on the West Coast. And that affects the adhesion of the dust so that- Malcolm Gladwell's going to make it. Black lemon pepper dust in California Taiga Bytes is a little different than that in

New England Taiga Bytes. I could not stop looking at this website for virtual dining concepts. It's fascinating. It's grim. Robert Earl and his little like Roman Roy's son, Robbie Earl, he's the second generation restaurateur, inherited a passion for the restaurant business and fast growing restaurant delivery trend. It's so weird.

No, it's- It's so weird. And also, it is this sad thing of these, they come into, I've talked about this before, Hodgman, but it's a sad state of the world where I'm rooting for Bertucci's. I have to root for like Dunkin Donuts and Bertucci's or like smaller, I mean Dunkin Donuts is not including that. More like Bertucci's and Puppa Geno's, which you gave a bad rating to. Because I have to root for these kind of like smaller chains and Bertucci's in these places

are, they do get taken advantage of. And then sometimes, like you guys are saying, just like a local Thai shop is just like, they'll just get it taken advantage of by these ghost kitchens and they'll get paid a little bit of money. They have to do it because they'll get paid money in some way. Well, how are they getting taken advantage of? Well, I don't know if it's the kind of thing where it's, I mean, if it seemed, it might be one of those things where a lot of times with these arrangements, it seems like it

makes business sense. But then when you actually get into it, you're like, well, we're making, we have razor thin profit margins here. But I honestly don't know. I don't know exactly how these work. I don't know. Because the thing about the website is, and this is obviously, this predates the coronavirus, but on the website now, the language is very much like, we are here to help struggling

restaurants. Yes. Who are not having the volume they used to have because of COVID. Let us, you know, you have excess capacity, right? Once a kitchen is open, you need to keep making money through that kitchen, like you can make up some losses with taiga bites or bar stool, binkies or whatever. Yeah. I think specifically maybe the staff is getting taken advantage of the most.

So sometimes there'll be like four or five of these ghost kitchens working in one place. And so it's basically the same staff. They use that same staff of like Pertuchis or whatever. Right. And now they're making things for like five different restaurants and basically just like, you know, wearing them down. Yeah, that's a good point, Mitch. But I think, David, I think you're right that that is, it is that sort of thing of, hey,

if your business is struggling, you can have one of these places come in. It's just kind of a dark, it's a grim thing in general. It's like dystopian. It feels, it feels like it's a virus infecting these like regular restaurant kitchens, get the taiga bites virus, and now they have to make taiga bites. Hold on. You're saying the phenomenon of ghost kitchens is dystopian? You don't like that phrase?

Ghost kitchens? I think it sounds hot as hell. Death and spirituality and food. That's like the best. I definitely want to check out a ghost kitchens. It sounds like a... The inevitable, the ghost and the material, the kitchen. It sounds like a Miyazaki movie to me.

I wish it were cool. This is what we've been striving for for these 2,000 years. It is, it is, it's, it's grim, but I mean, the world is grim. So it's fitting in these times. What could be grimmer, for example, if you're a Thai restaurant and you, you've come to this country or your parents came to this country and you're trying to keep their family restaurant alive, serving recipes from your home country to a neighborhood that you're invested in.

And the next day your boss comes in and says, you're not doing that today. Today you're making tostadas under the Mario Lopez brand. Yes. Today you're making sliders for Tik Tok Kitchen, a thing that is going to happen. Tik Tok Kitchen is real. Yeah. They've got the Tik... Robbie Pearl went out there, he's got, he's honed relationships with the biggest names

in Hollywood sports, music, YouTube and digital celebrities. And he... Tik Tok Kitchen is a real one. Yeah, real one. Yeah. Oh my God. Coming soon. Tik Tok Kitchen.

That does seem weird and... Gross. MS Word salad bar is the one I'm waiting on. Is that a good joke? I like it. I like Tik Tok. Programs. Computer programs.

Yeah. It's weird. Aside from this, this just kind of being a soulless enterprise. What we encountered with Mr. Beast, Mitch, and what we also encountered with, and it's a bummer because he's a chef and he should know better, but Guy Fieri's Flavortown Kitchen, which is also one of these virtual dining concepts. We like Guy too. We like Guy Fieri as a guy, but his ghost kitchen was subpar, is that the quality of

these is just very, very low. That's definitely the case with Taiga Bites. Let's get into what we ordered and what we ate, Mitch. We basically tried everything. David, it sounded like you got the lemon pepper, and what else did you get? I don't mean to be a party pooper, and I do like fun food, and I like fried food, and I like to eat all kinds of food. I really deliberately limited my exposure to these Taiga Bites.

I think I told John, let's get the least amount of Taiga Bites we have to get in order to get on this podcast to promote dish time. Let's each just get a nugget all apart, and we don't need the dust or anything. We need to be able to say, yes, I tried it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I just got eight pieces, the smallest unit they come in, and so I just got eight pieces with lemon black pepper, and then that allowed me to choose two dipping sauces. I thought about it, and I thought about this is before Hodgman was like, I'm just going to order every dipping sauce, so I actually didn't have to make this decision, but I was

like, I think the ones that would go best would be chunky blue cheese and ranch. I think I went with blue cheese and ranch. It's probably just emptying salad dressing into a cup. I can live with that. I mean, we'll get to what it was actually like, but so that's all I ordered, and then I think John ordered just about everything else. Well, I felt the need to do diligence for the podcast, so I did get at least two dusts. I got the lemon pepper dust.

No, you got the lemon pepper dust, but you also got a plain because we wanted to try it. Yeah, baseline control nugget. Yeah, baseline control nugget. Yeah. And then the peri peri dust. Right. Why don't they just call it dirt?

What dirt do you want on your nuggets? So disgusting. What connotes freshness greater than the idea? Nuggets are dusty. Is that from Dune? They talk about dust? Spice. Spice must flow.

But don't they also talk about dust? No, that's from the... Oh, that's His Dark Materials. His Dark Materials. Right, the emberspye glass and the... Maybe that's where it comes from. I saw Dune just the night before I saw Wiger. Man, that movie sucked, too.

How dare you? Well, just I'm here to announce the final season of Dictown will be wrapping up. I'm sorry. End of March after... I'm so tired of pretending things are good that aren't good. Dune is one of the rare things I loved. Yeah. No, I generally endorse that, but I did like Dune.

I enjoy Dune, but I endorse that statement 100%. I watched it under really bad circumstances. Let me say that. I watched it like first thing in the morning on a Sunday. Speaking of dust, it was like the light is... You see the dust in your living room swirling. Actually, it's good for Dune, right? Yeah, no, that would work.

The whole planet is just filthy with sand and dust. That's the only point, right? What are we going to do with this Godforsaken planet? Anyway, sorry. David, I've heard people... Look, as someone who's expressed his movie opinions and gotten himself in trouble on this podcast myself, I do it far too often. It is a sad world where you have to pretend stuff is good and it sucks.

Dune, I did like, but I know that a lot of people didn't... I've talked to some people who did not like it. So I think that you're not alone in that opinion. I think it looked really cool and crazy, but even some of the cool-looking stuff, it just felt too... Just that CGI thing where you can't help but be like, I know this isn't real. I'm looking at...

I don't know. You saw the way it was meant to be seen, right? On a 1999 iPod or something? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. First thing, Sunday morning. Sunlight blasting through the blinds, creating patterns on the screen. I'm into Dune.

I'm an initiate. I'm into the Bene Gesserit. I'm really into it. So I'm definitely biased, but I saw it in IMAX and it was incredible to look at. Yeah, I saw it twice. Second time I saw an IMAX, I loved it. Yeah, no, it was nice to look at, but it's like all that stuff about like, where was everybody?

Where was everybody on that planet? They had this whole... David's here with me in Brooklyn. We're working on a thing. He's just in the next room. After this, David, come on in here. I'm going to draw you an incredible map. They had this.

They were hanging out in this huge palace, like this brutalist architecture. Yeah, I get what you're saying. There's like six people on the whole planet. You're supposed to run this whole... I thought you were like an invading empire or something. I get it. It's an inhospitable desert planet, Arrakis. So, yeah, the Fremen kind of have to make do.

Shut up. The only thing that was not ideal about my dune watching experience was that I only could get popcorn. I couldn't get these incredible dusted nugs that are taiga bites. Well, I will say it is weird when they're digging for spice and they find taiga nugs. Yeah. And then he says, Papa, Papa, are these the dusty nugs that were foretold and prophesied? When I stuck my hand in that little box, these are the spicy dusty nugs.

Yes, my son. Watch out. A big worm lives under the sand. Mommy Earl. It can pop up instantly and kill everybody. Would you be able to keep your hand in the box? I think I would maybe die. No.

No, I would not. No, I would die for sure. I don't understand that. I didn't... Never. Yeah. Let's talk about the bites. You might not like source material, even David, for dune, because I know that's in the

boxes, at least. Yeah, it's very famous. I know a lot of the quotes from dune, like, fear is the mind killer, we must have spice. Ride the same worm if you're the king. It's all so silly. I think I just... I'm sorry, I just think on some levels, just like so silly. I think...

I mean, yeah, it's fundamentally silly, sure. David and I have been stuck together in a room for two weeks working on a different project from Dicktown. And I think what's happening that's coming out now is that there's been a little close quarters, and David is waking up with violence on me. He's trying to... He's choosing violence against me psychologically. I don't think it's that.

I just think made-up stories are silly. Anyway, Dicktown, for me, this is a fiction in general. I read... I was... And Hodgman, I'm getting the sense that you... I think you said that you're a fan of the source material. I read the book as a little dorky boy reading my dad's copy of Frank Herbert's Dune and Lovin' Every Page.

So I was very excited for the movie, and I felt like it lived up to my very high expectations. IYKYK. That is an internet slang for... Some people get it. Some people don't. If you crawl, you crawl. Oh, you don't have a movie to crawl? Now we're getting to some 80's sci-fi.

Okay. I thought I didn't know the 80's sci-fi. No, I saw it in the theater. Now, David, did you... I got to ask you quickly. Before we discuss these tiger bites, quickly, did you... Like the original Blade Runner? Are you a fan of the original Blade Runner?

Are you asking me? Yes. Yeah, I love Blade Runner. I think... I really like Blade Runner a lot. I think it's really interesting. Did you like the sequel? The modern one with Ryan Reynolds?

Or with... Jason Gosling. Yeah. Yeah, Gosling. Ryan Gosling. I liked it. Okay. I thought it was pretty good.

Yeah. I thought that... Yeah. He's the same director. Yeah. Psych, you got tricked. No, I know that. I like that director.

He's the guy who did Arrival, right? I love Arrival more than them all. Yeah, Arrival's good. Yeah. So I was very excited for Dune. It was like, Hodgman's always like, Dune this, Dune that. Can you believe it?

It's a whole planet that has sand on it. You know? It was like, I can't wait to see this movie. I was excited. I watched the trailer. I was excited. It has Zendaya in it. Timothy Chalamet.

I loved Call Me By Your Name. I was like, this is going to be terrific. And I was just sitting there. I was like, oh my God, this is boring. And I know it's only one of three chapters. And I won't really understand until they make all three chapters. You still won't. All right.

No one will. Yeah. Now I'm a little worried about John too, by the way, that you were so excited about the sand planet. And I love Tatooine. Remember the sand people in Star Wars and the Jawas? And the Jawas drove in that huge trash compactor? No, no one remembers them.

No. I mean, I find that's a very evocative, you know? And like, if you ever seen El Topo, you know, that movie is like all sand based. Or if you liked that album, Dope Smoker by Sleep. And the cover art for that is all sand and bedowins who have huge fucking marijuana tanks that they smoke out of. Like, I think all that imagery and iconography, I just love it. It goes so deep in our human experience somehow.

People walking across these kind of ever-shifting, formless, sandy planes looking for anything of sustenance. It's so powerful and powerful to me. I'm really compelled by a lot of that. And so when I saw Dune, I was just like, so disappointed. But enough. Okay. I'm just...

I think the bottom line is that you... Go ahead, John. Sorry. I was just going to say, rest in peace, your mentions, David. Because... No one cares. Because right now, there are at least 1,000 dudes who are writing you the same email, daring, dear Mr. Reese, you do not understand.

The entire concept of Tatooine itself was stolen. I understand that. I know. I totally read all that stuff. And I understood. And when I heard about this novel, Dune, and how old it was and when it was written, I was like, oh, yeah, George Lucas was really stealing a lot of that stuff. But maybe it was because I was first exposed to Tatooine or because it wasn't all CGI

or because I just found... Now that I think about it on Star Wars, Luke Skywalker's parents are like... What are they? They're like milk farmers or moisture farmers. It's kind of like the same thing. It's interesting. I'm going to do more thinking about this. David, I think you're right in just that.

Everyone needs to chill out on... We can need to stop pretending that we like some movies and people need to respect those opinions. That's all it is. It's okay to have a dissenting opinion. It's okay to dislike something. I agree. Me too.

You're not wrong, David. It's boring. I want to say, for anyone who's mad at me and thinks, well, this guy doesn't like to have fun. I like to have fun and I do enjoy movies and I see a lot of movies. So fuck off. Let's get to our final thoughts on Tiger Bites. Here's how this will work.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. We'll each go around and give an assessment. I've got 45 pages of notes. What? I have so much more to say. Of the nuggets of the pods. You can take as much time as you'd like for your breakdown.

Yeah. Hodgman, you can start us off. Take as much time as you need. Get as granular as you like and end that by giving it a score from zero to five forks. We'll begin with you. Well, first of all, I feel like I am truly fascinated and repulsed by this entire concept of marketing of food. I mean, it is so utterly devoid of any genuineness, I guess I would say.

If you look at Tiger, they have some photos of Tiger with the nuggets on this website for virtual dining concepts. Let me find this thing. With his eponymous bites. Yes. Where is he? If you go to the maidTigerBites.com, you scroll down a little bit, Tiger Bates is a different thing.

Oh, yeah, there he is. They could not even get him in focus. He was moving through this so fast. He was like, where are the nuggets? Over here, Tiger. Okay, good. You got it. Bye.

I'm on to the next thing. We did a video promoting these Tiger bites that was so haphazard and so like, oh, thanks for coming, Tiger. Yeah, yeah, I'm done. That's good. Tiger bites, eat them. Bye. It's so ungenuine.

I mean, maybe I'm misinterpreting Tiger and Tiger's intentions here, but the whole thing seems so false. We talk about empty calories. These are the most empty calories I think I've ever eaten. I should have known because when the guy dropped off our bites, I don't know whether he works for the Thai restaurant or whether he's just an independent delivery person who are also getting killed by these ghost kitchens too. I mean, literally, it's really dangerous work.

Yeah. And I've ordered food delivered many a time. I've never been looked at with a face of such pure contempt and derision as when this guy literally sneered at me when I handed over the Tiger bites. You know what? Deservedly so, maybe. Not you. I'm just saying anyone.

I mean, us too. Yeah. I was like, I should have been warned. The guy tried to warn me with his look and then I was like, well, but at the same time, I enjoy a nugget. I enjoy a nugget. And I'm going to say the nuggets, David and I, I think, had the most exact same reaction right off when we tried that plain nugget, which is high school cafeteria nugget.

Absolutely. Like, you know, like why, why would you need this in your life when there are so many other places to get nuggets that are as good or better? I don't know. Did come, did come relatively warm, but then the sauces. I don't, we looked up a review of the fake tiger bites kitchen on seamless. There was one review. The guy didn't know he was reviewing this Thai food restaurant and he's like, these

sauces taste like soap and we're like, people can be so hyperbolic. The next thing I know, David is spitting out a chicken nugget covered in chunky blue cheese sauce. I never spit out food. I never spit out food. I spit out food maybe like once every eight years. I spit out food twice when we were eating these damn nuggets. Not now.

Christ. Yeah. The sauces were, and you said it, David, it tasted like paint. Like there was a stringent wrong taste to that blue cheese that I had never had in my mouth and don't want ever again. Like it felt toxic, like literally, I'm not, I'm not exaggerating. It was like, there was something really, really wrong. And these are not, I can't blame the restaurant because they all came in pre-packaged little

cups. It's got to come with the tiger bites franchise kit. Right. Yeah. And whatever they're doing in tiger bites central or virtual dining cons at central, they're putting paint, they're putting paint in their conda cups. The Jamaican jerk, the same thing was, you know, the garlic, the garlic parmesan dip was, I felt like I was licking the inside of a bargain Caesar salad dressing bottle.

That one was bad. The garlic parm dip was, Nick and I were puzzled as to what it was for a long time. I thought it was Italian dressing. Yeah. It absolutely is that that was a, that was a real low point. And the, the tamarind chipotle, like this one offended me because it was basically just sugar and liquid smoke. And I was just like, what are you doing?

Like this is not merely soulless. This is like totally disingenuous. No, like the guy who developed these recipes where it was the culinary director of this is Eric Greenspan, who I guess was a food network host. Oh yeah. And I think he needs to, he needs to talk to Robert Pearl and Robbie Pearl because he can't be a monster, right? He has a reputation.

Right. Like this stuff is gross. Like you can't stake, you can't put your picture on the virtual dining concepts and have them be shipping out sauces that taste like paint. And the, and like tamarind chipotle is not just soulless. It's like, let's take two completely unrelated food cuisines and buzzwords and flavors, jam them together, but just send some like liquid smoke salad and aspic or something. It was really gross.

So anyway, and then the dust, I didn't even get enough dust. Not enough dust. I couldn't taste any of that dust. No love dust. I was looking those nugs trying to get that dust off. Oh yeah. I forgot about that. You literally did that at one point.

Yeah. I wanted to taste what the Perry Perry dust tasted like. Oh yeah. It was weird. There was nothing, there was nothing there. It was nothing there. I did eat a couple more plain nugs because they were fine. You know, and I like the Caribbean jerk.

The Caribbean, the Caribbean dipping sauce, the jerk sauce, was actually palatable. Chevy Chase movie or something. Caribbean jerk. Anyway, it was, it was real. Like, and then I've never been so quick to get a bag of garbage out of an enclosed space. Yeah, you didn't, you didn't get good with that, with clearing it out. I was impressed. Smart.

My, my, our, our tiger, our leftover tiger bites are on the way to the dump. So yeah. Oh, with your high heart radio trophy. It sounds like you're going pretty low with the fork score there, Ojman. Well, you know, I've been lucky enough to be on this show a few times. You know, a distant star in the, in the great shining galaxy of the Doughboys. More, more like a, like a dying ember of a comet slowly falling into a black hole of irrelevancy and oblivion.

I've been, but when I first was a shining, when I first was a gleaming little star joining you people and I had Arby's that very first time, I didn't know how this worked. I didn't know what kind of scale you were grading this on. So I gave Arby's like a really bad review until I listened more and had the pleasure of spending time with you more and realized, oh, you're eating like the baseline is garbage. And if the baseline is garbage, Arby's isn't as bad as I made it out to be.

If the baseline is food, and I don't say this in a snobby way, but like you guys, you guys eat some stuff. I realize now I've seen this abyss tiger bites is the abyss because I would love an Arby's. Yeah. Like an Arby's would be a pool of fresh water in an oasis in the worst desert for peri peri dust. Yeah, exactly.

So, you know, I gave Arby's a bad, I don't know whether it was one fork or what. 1.25 forks. I looked it up. 1.25 forks. And I think I upped at 2.5 because when I said one fork, the two of you were stunned. Like you just, you said you blew, you blew the curve and was like, oh, I just was surrounded by, wow, wow, wow. I thought I had done something wrong, but I'm going to tell you something for

tiger bites, a tine. Wow. One tine. I love it. A quarter fork. Wow. Yeah. And I feel bad because this tie place is probably pretty good, you know?

Sure. I can't blame them, but it's just everything about this is. You should order from that tie place. So, so insidious, so disingenuous, so like the, and then the website itself, sorry, Robbie Pearl, it just, you know, it's approach to restaurateurs. You just feel like it's a pyramid scheme. And the food is like, I could, I could almost forgive all of that if what they were doing was pumping out, giving people, giving restaurants, like recipes and

ingredients to make a bulletproof, amazing chicken nuggets or hamburgers or like just something that they could just sell for money and get through a difficult time and it was delicious and undeniable and great. But it's, it's mediocre at best. And then this blue cheese was wrong, like wrong, wrong. And all of them were wrong. All of these dips were wrong, like not okay. So, so one time.

One time from Hodgman. David, your thoughts, your score from zero to five forks. Zero forks. Wow. Um, you know, like, it was a real heavy experience. I don't mean to be like, zero, zero forks better than Dune. David Reese. Yeah, but she got a Dune score.

Obviously, obviously I like Dune more than I like Tiger bites. You know, I was assuming it wasn't going to be very good. And it's like, it's interesting. You know, sometimes you, you steal yourself for a meal that's going to be disgusting. The thing was, it was like confusing and it, it's kind of what John is talking about with the restaurant concept and, and the actual phrase ghost kitchen. Like it's already getting, you already feel like you're in a J.G.

Ballard Dovel or something like what? Like where's the floor? Like which end is up? This is really abstract, right? And then when we realized that the food was being prepared in a Thai kitchen and the, and then again, like we mentioned, the website had all this flowery language about we're going to help save these struggling restaurants. And I'm not even talking about Tiger as a person.

Like he, I'm not even talking about him as an individual and what it means to eat chicken McNuggets that he's branding himself with the, the, the fact that it was like, I truly could not, I know this is going to sound like really snobby. And I swear I'm not much of a food snob. I truly could not understand that these, we were allowed by the government to eat these dipping sauces. It was like the thing that was confusing to me was like, whatever, food is bad. I've been in a lot of bars where they just reheat old chicken tenders for like six

times, you know, until somebody eats them on a Tuesday, right? We finally moved those tenders. Like we can make new tenders. Like, and sometimes that can be really rewarding and fun and on its own terms. The sauces were so chemically, you, I had that feeling of like, does no one, like has anyone, like, are we the first person to ever eat this food? Has no one ever ordered Tiger bites before? Because this would shut down.

It'd be a scandal. Yeah, it should be a scandal because I don't understand the business model. Even if you're the biggest fan of Tiger in the world and you love his music, you're never going to go back to, you're never going to eat this for a second time. I just refuse to believe that. This is not, now, maybe if it was some really weird esoteric food experiment, then it didn't work like molecular, I mean, maybe it was molecular gastronomy. Like it was that uncanny.

Like maybe these dipping sauces we're going to find out are actually made in one of those crazy restaurants in Sweden where they just like make molecules bubble on top of like a single hair from a mermaid, you know, it's just like so abstract and esoteric, you know, it was that weird. It was like we in a world where we have like, you know, KFC, Popeyes, like who would choose this? Who would choose this? Right?

Yeah. It just feels like there's going to be a wave of people like us eating it carry out of, you know, a sense of academic integrity or curiosity or irony or whatever. And then it's just going to die. Like who it's it's completely unsustainable. It felt so anti human to me. And I'm not even talking about like, listen, and I don't mean like food.

I'm not Alice Waters. Like it's anti human to kill cows and then form their bodies into patties and then serve them to people who don't even have to get out of their cars. Like I understand the appeal of McDonald's and Burger King and all that stuff. Like I've been there, you know, I've I've eaten so much of that stuff in my life, you know, and I don't mean anti human in that way. And I truly guess it comes down to the fact that like John said, these are these are ghost kitchens that are kind of parasitic entities that are kind of

living within existing ecosystem, within existing kitchens. And, you know, the margins are so fucked these days that like your budget might compel you to have to just throw these fucking taiga bites into the oil that you were using to cook your own special food, you know, that means something to you. And then it gets delivered by it's just like it's like it's like Baudrillard or something. It's like in the what's it called the valley in the in the valley of the real

or the valley of the real of the desert. In the desert, it comes back to do and it's about the desert in the desert of the unreal or whatever that famous book is, where he's like, everything is a simulacrum, nothing makes sense. The world no longer exists because of capitalism. I felt like we were eating that. Yeah, it was the most 2020 to 2022 food I've ever put in my mouth. And in that way, maybe we should give it five stars and be like food reflects

our culture, and this is where we're at. You know, like maybe maybe tiger is like a genius level anthropologist. And he's like, I'll do your ghost kitchen, but we're going to truly reflect the era in which we are all suffering. Let me introduce you to my dusts, but assuming that's not the case. I think I think you're I feel like as a matter of personal taste, like gastronomy and then also just like ethically, like there is no other rating than zero. Forks, because this is not food.

Well, this that that may be our first zero. Oh, I think someone's given zero forks. We've done zero, but I mean, this has to be the floor. I mean, this has to be the floor. We've had worse than we've had worse food. But but the the circumstances of the the overall concept here is particularly grim, but I agree with that. A spoon man, what do you think?

Well, a bad time to announce a Doughboy's Donuts, which is a ghost kitchen, I was just going to say, all of that said, I'm pleased to announce it's a rebirth, a memento cheese, artisanal doughnuts that are made in the ghost kitchens when they're not frying up taiga bites. Yeah, we're ghost kitchens to go. We're ghosts to go to ghosts, basically. Yeah, Nick and I, we were we were watching. We had that we had AEW.

We were watching Dynamite last night. Great show. Great show. And and on the screen, the Batman calzone came up and I've had the bat. I've had the other calzone at Little Caesars and I didn't like it that much. And it was kind of a letdown, but you and I both agreed. We were like, shit, I wish we were eating the Batman calzone instead. That seems so much better than taiga bites.

Taiga bites are it's just it's just such a, by the way, David using simulacrum, a very one of Weigar's favorite words. Weigar loves simulacrum. Yeah, but you understand, it's that vibe, right? It's like, yes, 100% I think I mean, I think you and honestly, I was going to maybe give it one fork and now I don't think it deserves one fork. So just to break down what we got, Nick and I got we got each we got each dust, the black garlic, the, the, the lemon black pepper and the

peri peri and then no dust. And then we got every single sauce and we got cookie bites, but our cookie bites were just two cookies and the cookies weren't even full size cookies. And they were bad old cold cookies. Yeah. Cold cookies that like should like wives, you were like, they should have been hot. They felt like like a cheaper pepper, like soft pepperage farm cookie. Saying that is giving it too much credit.

Like it just, yeah, it was like a big soft cookie. That was not good. And they came in a sleeve that said fries. Yes. There we go. Simulacrum. Everything's just a little bit off. Everything is uncanny valley, the uncanny tummy.

That's what we're living in. We got, we got, we got a Coke, Diet Coke, two sprites because we got four riding solo, rolling solo packs. And then we got tater tots and then with no dust, then sweet potato, sweet potato tots, sweet potato, tiger tots. And then we also got those again with dust. We got the, the sweet potato with peri peri dust. And we got the regular tots with black garlic dust.

The black garlic dust was the best dust. So you guys missed out on the best. I didn't miss out on the best dust. Yeah. Um, that was the, and then maybe the peri peri would be second. I don't know, but I agree with you, Hodgman. I get not understanding what the flavor of that dust was. Uh, and then it just, just to quickly go over the, the, the dipping sauces.

Mitch, did you lick the nug? I, of course I licked the nug. I'm always, I always lick nugs. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I licked every nug I had. Um, and, and you know what, we tried every sauce there was. We had buffalo, garlic, parm, chunky blue, chunky blue cheese, homestyle ranch, mango habanero, Korean barbecue. Uh, let me see.

I'm going to go, I'm going to go to them all. Uh, Caribbean, orange, orange was just one of them. General, general sauce, tamarind chipotle. And, uh, uh, mango habanero, I already said bourbon was another one. The bourbon sauce, uh, spicy honey and Korean barbecue. Those are all the sauces. We got every single one. Wow.

Um, we didn't even read that off of anything. His eyes just rolled back in his head like a mint. Yeah, it was like a dune. Once again, like dune. Um, oh, bless the maker and his passing. We, Nick, the tots didn't travel on it. Well, the, the, the sweet potato tots were really let down. The other, the regular tots were okay.

Um, the garlic, pepper, uh, nugs were, were again, like I said, my favorite, but this place just sucks. It shouldn't exist. Just when I went down to get the order, I just, I, uh, from, cause it was delivery only went down to get the order and it was a delivery person. And they had like Mr. Beasburger in the car. So clearly Mr.

Beasburger is made at this place, just a bunch of different other ghost kitchen bags in her car. And I, it just bummed me out. It was, it was, it was a bummer. I'm glad that person's getting paid, but, but it, it, yeah. It took forever for our order to arrive, not, not that person's fault. Uh, because it's in the ghost kitchen with a million orders, probably. It was, it took long enough to the point where Mitch, we'd given a tip on the card

and then we gave an additional cash tip when, uh, when she arrived, just cause we're like, this must have been such a fucking pain in the ass. It feels so bad for taking up so much of this person's time to bring us this garbage for content. You gave me 20 bucks. I pocketed that, but, uh, but the other tip. So she was very grateful for that. Why?

Cause I was very nice of you on top of, on top of the other tip. But, uh, it was besides the people getting work and besides a restaurant, maybe making some money and getting saved, which I wish we could look at what the, I'll try to find the address on this, Nick, so we can find out what restaurant they were working out of. Um, this is just, it doesn't deserve one fork. I'm, I'm, I'm with you guys. There were a couple, some of the hot, some of the spicier sauces Nick and I liked

all right, but I'm going to go 0.75 forks, uh, three times, uh, just, just a bummer. And you know what? This is a chaotic episode in a good way, a chaotic good. And that's why I scheduled my window replacement dirt. Oh, sure. Yeah. Oh, there, there goes ghost face with your cats. Oh, I mean, first of all, the, the wall, your number look like little

ghosts face or they look, they have the same he's collecting his collecting his children, he would never, he could never harm them. So I'll be happy if it's just someone who's not going to harm them. Have a good life. Ghost face. Yeah. I hope you're doing well. Ghost face.

Everyone's points are well articulated. Well argued. I'll, yeah, even mitches, I think that, that this, but you will not sway me off of five forks. I like the tats. It's, it's, I, I stand by that the nugget itself was fine, but the thing I said to you, Mitch was, as we were eating, wouldn't you just rather have chicken McNuggets like, like 10 times out of 10 chicken McNuggets would have

been way better. Chicken McNuggets and fries would have been better than tiger bites and tiger tots and would have cost a quarter of the price and been easier to get. Yeah. So everything we got, which by the way, the portions were small. We know what it would like. It was like if you get one rolling solo meal, it is like, you're not getting a lot for whatever, for 12 bucks or whatever it is.

And, and, and so. Rolling solo means you're a cheap fuck and no one wants to hang around with you. That's what that means. That's why you're rolling. Especially if you're getting tiger, tiger bites, which what is it? Thank, thank you, God, before anyone or something. Well, I don't know what his name stands.

Yeah, thank you. God always. Yeah. Thank you. God always. Yeah. Um, no, thank you, God, for these, these are, these are an abomination. But why is the, the consistency of McDonald's nuggets, that's the thing with

these ghost kitchens that I even just think between a Hodgman and David's order and ours, that there's, there's probably huge consistency issues just in, in these, no doubt. Yeah. And it's happening where it should not happen because if, I mean, I, I, I really don't want the listeners to think that I'm just being a hyperbolic jerk by saying it tasted like paint. There was something really, really, really wrong with that blue cheese dressing.

When David spat it out, I thought it was like, oh, this snob, he, he hates dune. He probably is too refined a palette for this. And then I tasted it and I was, and I was like, yeah, this is fundamentally wrong. And that's like, but it wasn't off. It wasn't like it went bad. That's what something was really, really wrong with it. And, and that's not something that should be, cause that's not being made in a house. That's like an easy thing to keep consistent, right?

You make in a big batch and it's, it's shipped out. It's shelf stable. There's a recipe, like there's no reason for that to go wrong or be different from what you had across this great nation. So if you can't do that, if you can't get the sauces right, never mind the consistency of the nugs themselves. 100%. I think that we were too, in hindsight, Mitch, we were too kind to Mr.

Beastburger, which I think we had no real expectations for. But looking back on it, it's, it's equally as craven. And, you know, all of the, like any, all these celebrities lending their, their names and likenesses to it, I get it's probably like a pretty easy payday. But it's just a, it's just such a bummer to be associated with such subpar food. And, you know, like, like, regardless of how bad the business is for everyone, that's true of a lot of these chain restaurants. We'd forgive all of that if the food was at all good, but the food is fuck or

wouldn't forgive all of that, but we'd at least be able to put that aside mentally and enjoy the food, but the food itself is just so awful. So yeah, I agree with the collective that this does not deserve one fork. Even among all of us combined. So I will say a halftime, making its combined score three and a half tines of one fork. So not quite one fork for taiga bites. We'll be back with more dough boys.

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wildgrain.com slash dough boys. That's wildgrain.com slash dough boys. Or you can use promo code dough boys at checkout. Do it. Welcome back to dough boys. Our guest, John Hodgman, David Reese of Dicktown. Coming soon to FXX as of this record. And hey, it's time for a segment, Mitch and Mitch, we were going to do my

Snacrifice this week. Uh, this is the thing we keep teasing. And in fact, on last week's episode, you said you were going to do it this week. And then I sent you a reminder yesterday and you said that, that reminder didn't count because you need 48 hours notice. That's right. Unfortunately, if you had asked 48 hours in advance of Tuesday's episode, but unfortunately you can't do that because you don't use your phone on Sundays,

which is I would argue, I would argue that we record usually on Tuesdays. I would argue that you had already committed by saying that it was going to be on next week's episode. I was not in along with me. No Tuesday's episode. So that's the issue. Okay. So Thursday's episode is like, so we're still here by the way.

I'm not sure. Yeah. Hodgeman and, and research here. Will we rehash this argument that we could have litigated last night on your couch. Mm hmm. I was, I think, I think, yeah, we're recording. Look, we were watching, we were watching AEW Dynamite, having a great time. In near silence.

Yes. And then, and then we watched Jurassic Park. We did. I showed Nick my new soundbar. We had a good time. Anyway, my Snacrifice, I want, I think we should, I think my Snacrifice should, should debut or should, or should return to the show at the start of next month, at the start of March for our Munch Madness Tournament, the Tournament of

Chompions, which will begin next Tuesday on the Doe Boys Double. I will send a reminder over the weekend. Yeah. Am I cool? While Weiger is off his phone. Thanks, thanks, thanks for that reminder. The day my mom and sister come into town. That's cool.

No, I'll do it while my mom and sister are here. You could have done it before they got here. No, no, I'll get, no, cool. Who are you kidding? Your, your mom and sister are there already. They, they're coming into town. They're, those people in the red shirt, they were mom and sister in disguise. I'm trying to hide the facts.

They never left. They're all, they've never left. They will never leave. And all they're doing is eating my pimento cheese that I send for you. I'm tired of it. I know, it'd be toxic, like you said. Hey, I've got a food related exam and Mitch and Hodgman and David must compete for superiority.

It's another edition of Slop Quiz. Wow. This week's Slop Quiz compiled by our new associate producer, Amelia. Welcome to the team, Amelia. Sorry, we made you eat our leftover taiga bites. But Amelia has compiled wine or shampoo. Is this a description of a wine or is it a description of a shampoo? Buzz in with your name.

You get one point for a hit and lose a point for a miss. So if I think I know, I say Hodgman or John. Yes, yes. And whoever I hear first, and I'll defer to Emma in the event of a tie, we'll get to Gus first. All right. First up, is this a wine or shampoo? This powerful blank offers intense aromas of black plum, purple flowers

and toasty melted caramel loaded with herbs and spice from tarragon, sage and bay leaf to cardamom and anise. David, shampoo. David, I'm sorry. You lose a point. That was a wine. Tarragon. Yeah, I thought that was a shampoo thing.

Is that not a shampoo thing? It can be a shampoo thing, but in this case, it was a wine. All right. Wouldn't want tarragon in my line. Belglow Pinot from Lassa Churras, Santa Lucia Highlands. Next up, David has negative one. Next up, this blank smells like a mouthwatering blood orange, exotic guava flower and vibrant kumquat.

Hodgman. Combine. Shampoo. Hodgman, you are correct. You get a point. Mouthwatering shampoo. This is smells like mouthwatering blood orange. This is Bumble and Bumble Bond Building Repair Shampoo.

Next up. Yeah, no, I know that. I know that copy by heart. It's all I ever use. Sorry, it was a gimmie for me. This blank is scented with a rose fragrance with hints of bergamot, leechy, cedarwood and white musk. Go ahead, John.

Shampoo. You are correct. What? Two for Hodgman. Zero for Mitch, who has yet to buzz in. Whatever cedar I could have sworn, it would be wine. That's what makes this a challenge. Wait, read that shampoo again?

This blank is scented with a rose fragrance with hints of bergamot, leechy, cedarwood and white musk. Is that for guys? That sounds good. It's a YD Talk shampoo. I don't know. Is it manly? Look at the brand.

David, I think Amelia came up with a great quiz. But I think that I can see the matrix in this one. I'm going to give you what I think is the way to crack the code. If the description leads with a scent, it's probably a shampoo. Yeah, good point. Because they would say notes or aromatics. Or a nose of. And also, I think wine would lead with flavor.

And it's usually not advised to drink the shampoo. Right. Why are you just sharing this with David? Why not me? Well, because he's my partner. OK. I mean, we're old friends. You can also hear what he's saying.

And also, I'm sharing it with you. I mean, maybe I just ruined the game. I could be wrong. Let's see. Let's find out. Let's put it to the test. But you know, we're DicTown buddies, all of us. You're in DicTown, too.

Man, I'm a DicTown buddy. Yeah, you're a DicTownie. Oh, why a shampoo? OU AI does not appear to have the manly black bottle with a silver font. It looks like it's being held with a feminine hand. So I don't think it's a tough guy shampoo bottle. So that's why I can decant it in my own tough guy shampoo bottle. All right.

Next up, Hodgman has two, Mitch has zero, David in the red. Yeah, this blank has very lively aromas of tart red cherries with a note of. Go ahead, Mitch. Wine. You are correct. This is unruly Cabernet. Yeah, I broke the broke the mold. We're in now. We're in now, boys.

Yeah, because that was that was a cent that was a cent one, but it was a wine. So I'm wrong. All right, number five. This blank includes a signature aromatherapy blend of raspberry peach. David shampoo. I'm going to give that to David and say that he is back up at zero now. Correct. That was a shampoo, shampoo, pure ology, strength, negative shampoo. You got negative one, because yeah, you're losing a point for a negative.

Oh, wow. For a for a for a wrong guess. All right, next up. Warm and inviting. It has notes of red current. Cassie, David, wine. David is correct. Warm and wine. It's any one.

I mean, it's a nice thing to say about a shampoo, because that's what a nice shampoo is. But I can't see that as part of the shampoo copy. Yeah. And the notes is a is a clue. I don't think, yeah, a shampoo is not inviting. So Alexander Valley Cabernet is that wine. You guys are seeing numbers and digits like the matrix. You're this is it's it's over. It's like Wyger with the drops.

It's like when those creeps on Twitter figure out the next 25 words on Wordle and just posted them. It's because we looked at the nut dust. So they they went they viewed the source code, cracked the code and posted all the answers of Wordle 25 words in advance. Wow. I got a word wrong a couple of weeks ago. I felt like a true fool.

No, Mitch, you're fantastic. I put cause instead of pause as my last guess. You all remember pause from a few weeks ago. Yeah, of course. That would look like it was your last guess and it was at least a 5050 shot. You like what are you going to do? Yeah, shame in it. I don't I don't care if I got one wrong.

Hey, speaking of 5050 shots, we have one left and this will decide the game. Hodgman has two. David has one, Mitch has one. So it's anyone's game with this last question. This blank contains a warm tropical scent that starts with notes of coconut water, Casaba melon, Mitch. OK, I think I heard Mitch. Yeah, shampoo. Mitch, you are correct.

Yeah, this is a diva curl curl bond recoiling mild lather cleanser. Coconut was the thing that just made me. Yeah, that was smart. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, coconut is never going to show up in a wine. I don't think. Well played all around. Diva also makes the the most disgusting sounding brand of shampoo that I have the misfortune of seeing in my shower every day, which is low poo.

Really, Jesus Christ, low poo, low poo. Yeah, it means low. It has low detergent in it, so it doesn't strip your hair. Certainly hangs with me. A portmanteau. I have a shampoo in my shower called mud poo. Is that better? Mud poo.

Guess what? It's literally a clay that you mix with water and make mud. And then wash your hair with it. Whoa, does that work? Yeah, it does. Is it time consuming? Um, it can be, yeah. Yeah.

It's like a once a week luxurious thing I do. I'm washing, I'm shampooing my hair for the first time in like 15 years now that it's really long. So I'm so like so interested in the shampoos and conditioners because it really takes a lot of time to wash and condition your hair if you have long hair and then drying it is just like a whole other thing. It's really wild. So I like to hear about different shampoos and conditioners.

Yeah, I've got some longer locks now, too, for the first time since my 20s. I think I think we've both done sort of some some quarantine growth. Yeah, definitely some quarantine growth. And I'm back to blow drying and you know what? I love it. Wow. It's so satisfying. And then John can attest to this. We spent the last week working on a project where John will type

and I will just lazily draw a CVS plastic brush through my hair and didn't work out all the knots and tangles like I'm the queen of Shiba. This is such a wonderful, calming experience. It's so good for my creative juices to, you know, if I get blocked, if I'm blocked on the page or blocked creatively, that's usually because I'm blocked like with my hair. And if I can get the knot out of my hair, usually a fresh idea will come tumbling out. Mitch, you earlier you asked off, you know, in the break,

how is Brooklyn? And I tried to answer and it's like the truth is, I don't know because for the past two weeks, all I have seen is David brushing his hair. That is Brooklyn to me. Brooklyn's never been better, man. Just sit across from each other and I'm and I'm watching David grooming himself. Brooklyn is looking good. It's John, I got to say, I kind of like the name of your shampoo,

because it reminded me of plo coon from the Star Wars universe. So I just can say that. Yeah. Well, I mean, there are a lot of poos out there. It's like the shampoo companies forgot what poo means. Like they got they got to they got a little cocky. Like we've been selling shampoo all this time. No one's made the connection. We could just call it low poo, mud poo, fast poo, slime poo, dust.

Well, Sam's no better when you think about it. It's not like both of those syllables suck for branding. That's true. Yeah, it's literally fake poo. Hair mud is better. The stuff Emma's using, they should just call it hair mud. Except it's called mud poo. Oh, right. Damn it. They probably should have called it hair mud or something like that.

Yeah. Why do you hair dry your pubes as well? Or just head on your hair? Oh, you got to. You got to get when you got the blow dryer out, especially if your pubes are 20 inches long. Yeah, you grow your mouth for quarantine. Oh, Jesus.

That was slop quiz. Thanks, Amelia. And hey, just like a restaurant via your feedback. Great job, Amelia. Great one. That was a cool. That was fun. Today's email is from Diana from Philly. Diana writes, Hey, Doughboys family. The 80s had sliced soda.

The 90s had Dunkaroos and the Outs had grips with a Z. I don't remember grips. What snack of this past decade do you predict will retire but stay cemented in everyone's memory? Oh, does anyone remember grips? Emma, you're maybe young enough for grips. Do you remember grips? I just looked them up and seeing them definitely helped.

They were, if I'm reading this correctly, they were like the little packages of like mini cheez-its or cookies. It was like little carry individual packages here. Let me see. OK, like Lunchables, Snackables? Yeah, like or yeah, more like a snack. I don't think it was really a meal situation. My issue is that I can't think of new snacks from this last decade. The answer is Tide Pods.

Wow. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. It looks like it looks like grips whole gimmick is that they were just tinier versions of existing snacks. So they were like kind of chiclet size, cheese it or or chips deluxe or honey. In like single serving packages and like single serving packages, like a good old bar size.

Yeah, I think it's very much like moms and dads buy them to throw in little Susie's lunchbox kind of thing for people who love packaging. And these little sleeves are you grip them? That's why they're called grips. You can hold it in your hand and you can. I think the whole thing is you could like tear the corner off and you could just like dump them in your mouth like you're drinking it. Yeah, like solid food.

You chew like gogurt. Yeah, a tube of gogurt and chug it. The most disgusting, suggestive kid snack ever. So it's a gogurt and then licks some dust. I say in Brooklyn, in Brooklyn, at least I'm going to say something like any artisanal jerky. This has been a big, long period of artisanal jerky and pork rinds. That might be a little bit more like 2013, 2014, though.

I mean, I don't know what's emerged. I feel like there's something. Do you think like avocado toast will like disappear? I think that'll be a cultural touchstone for a while. Yeah, but that's like the new peanut butter and jelly. I just feel like that's yeah, I feel like now that's a meal that people will make, you know, like. Yeah, that's in everybody's wheelhouse now.

Hmm, I honestly can't think. I can't. I'm stumped. What are some trendy snacks? Yeah, if we're talking about a store-bought snack, yeah, go on. Tiger bites. Tiger. Yeah. They could become, you know what? They could become legendary.

That's true. I mean, they've been cooking for what, since mid-2021. I think if they were going to hit legend status, they would have done it or would have become a joke already. Yeah, maybe it would have become a joke and a meme if it was ever going to happen. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, I think there would have been like a like a already

that Tiger bites would have already been the cultural touchstone. It could have been at its peak. I think that I think I was coming as I was trying to search through, you know, the snacks of the 2010s and and the store, like like like a distinct store-bought thing, like a Dunkaroos or like a Gushers is harder for me to put my finger on. But I do kind of feel like flavored hummus became a thing

in the past decade and I can see they're being less flavored hummus. I don't mean I don't mean like your red pepper hummus. I think that'll probably stick around. Sure. But but but like there's been like chocolate hummus or like, you know, like a cinnamon toast hummus. It's like everything martinis went through 20 years ago happened. Exactly. 20 years later. I could see that fading and not having staying power.

Right. I kind of feel like something that's going to go on the outs maybe is kettle chips. I feel like kettle chips. Yeah, sure. Feel very like they're everywhere. There are lots and lots of different flavors. They're omnipresent and also they just feel like they're about to tip over into into obsolescence, something that's going to come.

I love those. Oh, me too. It's nothing against the kettle chips. They're good. The Korean, the spicy Korean barbecue is fantastic. That chip is so good, so freaking good. You can never find it. Yeah, they're really good. You can never find it because I bought 5,000 of them.

I have them in a storage locker in Poughkeepsie. I've got one. I got one. In fact, I'm going to lay a marker down. I feel like five to 10 years from now, we're going to be saying, hey, remember LaCroix? I was there. There you go. That's a great answer.

Yeah, that's a really good one. That's good. That's good. That's the one. You know what? I think I maybe I could do that too with with just maybe with just like the alcoholic seltzers in general. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I think. White claws.

Yeah, white claws. White claw will be like Zima someday. I think that's totally. That's a good analogy, Zima. By the way, I this is this is crazy. But the the those people are back at my at my downstairs door. Thank you, Lord. I'm so happy right now.

They came back. They're back. Let them in. Close up to close out this episode. They're back. Tell them to come say hi. They're at the other door. It's down.

I got to go downstairs. I knew they understood showbiz. I knew they understood story structure. I knew they knew what a button was called. I think they're here to record the Doughboys after show. Right. Where you just sit around. Talk to them.

What did you think about my end of the conversation? If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you email us at Doughboyspodcasteddema.com or leave us a voicemail at 830 go to 830-463-6844 and to get the Doughboys double our weekly bonus episode. Join the Golden or Platinum Play Club at patreon.com slash Doughboys which literally stood up and walked out of frame. John Hodgman, David Reese, the show is Dick Town.

Tell us about the show. Tell us how to watch it and and what to expect. It's a lot of fun. It's an animated comedy. It stars John and myself. We wrote it and directed it and we've voiced the two main characters. John plays John Huntsman, a former boy detective who's still struggling in solving mysteries for teenagers.

And I played David Pierfoy, his former bully and now I'm like his assistant and his only friend. It's a really ambitious episode. I mean, I'm sorry, it's a really ambitious season. We have a lot of original music, musical numbers, a lot of famous guest stars and there's a big season long mystery in addition to each week's mystery of the week. So we hope people will watch it and enjoy it. It's a great show and I had I had a pleasure of being a part of it

and it's hilarious and I'm very excited for it to start airing. Thank you. You were such a wonderful part of it. And I'll just say to the to the audience, I won't tell you which episode Mike Mitchell is in. Well, you just have to watch every one. Oh, that's good. Yeah.

See when he turns up. Let's get teas. You'll know him when you see him. Oh, those freaks are on board. Can I say one more thing before we go? Yes, please, please. I really I don't want to I don't want there to be any bad blood with people about something I said earlier.

So I just want to make it clear that during the break, I did my research and I confused Zizek with Baudrillard. So I understand who wrote which book. So don't get mad at me about that. That's the one thing I will apologize that happened on this episode. Delete your at replies. Yeah, it's been fixed. Dicktown Thursday nights at 10 on FXX starting March 3rd and the next day

on Hulu. Check that out. Guys, thanks so much for joining us. Thank you. What a great time. Mitch, that'll do it for this episode of Doe Boys. Until next time for the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell, I'm Nick Weigher. Happy eating. See you. I'm off to let these people in.

Bye bye. Bye, Mitch. On the next Doe Boys double. Let the Tournament of Chompions begin. The first round of much madness 2022, the Tournament of Chompions opens with our new best friend and one of our favorite guests, Allison Rosen. And this year's theme. Sandwiches. Wow.

Wow. Munch Madness 2022. The Tournament of Chompions. Heroes Journey. Suboptimal. Round one match one. Charlie's Cheese Takes versus Firehouse Subs. Hold on now. The Tournament of Chompions.

Heroes Journey. Suboptimal. That's the whole title. Yeah, it's got two subtitles. Isn't your whole thing Oonga Pachka? It's fucking insane. I think this is the right amount.

All right. Charlie's Cheese Takes versus Firehouse Subs. Only at patreon.com slash Doe Boys. See you there. That was a hate gun podcast.