Doughboys - Umami Burger 2 with David Neher

Episode Date: July 13, 2017

The ‘boys return to previously loathed chain Umami Burger with vegetarian and actor David Neher (Community, The Gorburger Show) to test drive their new Impossible Burger, a veggie patty that allegedly has the same taste and texture as beef. David talks about eating in his home state of Oklahoma, and the trio tries another edition of Snack or Wack.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

That's what voice is saying over the vanity card for the 1991 video game Sonic the Hedgehog, an international mega hit for Sega's 16-bit Mega Drive, rebranded as the Genesis in the US. While arcade and computer games of the era were already capable of speech playback, the MicroSong was a revelation for a home console, and the digitally compressed core served as a symbolic moment of triumph for the video game company, Sega, was here to stay. Though the Genesis era ended up representing the peak of the company's relevance, Sega did indeed stick around, aided by its speedy spiny mammal mascot, a remarkable evolution

for a business that began as a coin-operated amusement distributor in the 1950s. The name Sega comes from an abbreviation of its original corporate title, Service Games, the words in English because this Japanese game giant was in fact founded by an American. After the Second World War, Marty Bromley, a coin-operated machine worker who was in Hawaii during the Pearl Harbor attacks, saw an opportunity to import slot machines into the land of the rising sun. This sort of post-war intermingling of Japanese and American business interests extended far beyond the mechanical amusement industry and greatly influenced the economies and cultures

of both nations, including, of course, its food. Japanese food like sushi and ramen went from an exotic delicacy in the US to being readily available in strip malls and grocery stores. Similarly, Japanese audiences developed tastes for American food like fried chicken and burgers. In 1908, a Japanese chemistry professor named Kikune Ikeda had detected and named the so-called Fifth Flavor a meaty brothy taste present in foods like mushrooms, shellfish, and soy sauce. A century later, an American restaurateur named Adam Fleischman opened a Los Angeles burger joint based around the Ikeda discovered flavor.

The concept was a hit and expended to two dozen locations and, in distinctly LA fashion, currently offers burgers co-branded with celebrities like Cindy Crawford, Mindy Kaling, and YouTuber Cameron Dallas. Now, in 2017, this American chain built off of Japanese flavor profiles has come full circle and opened a restaurant in Japan. Will this eatery endure as long as the formerly serviced games? This week on Doughboys, we return to Omami Burger. Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants or a production of FeralAudio.com.

I'm Nick Weiger, alongside my co-host, young, dumb, and full of crumbs, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. I like that one actually. A courtesy of Mark Wagner. If you have a roast you'd like me to use on Mitch at the Top of the Show, roastspoonmanatgmail.com. Good job, Wagner. Is his name Wagner? Wagner, yeah.

Sounds like Weiger. Are you suggesting this is some sort of alter ego of mine? Yeah. I'm using the Roxxu, I'm using it as a proximate, what's the word I'm trying to say? Proxy to roast you? Yes. Yeah. It's a cooler, I think he's cooler already.

The name Wagner is definitely better than the name Weiger. I mean, it's a more common name, but it's like a better name. Yeah, you hate your last name. I don't hate my last name, I just think it's not a great last name. I don't hate it, but I feel like if I had a better last name, things would be going a little better for me. Yes. And also, it is often always mispronounced.

You talked about this. People say it with the soft I. Yes, yes. I just realized it's not a cool term, but I feel like everyone who reads your name calls you. Not everyone, but I'd say it's close to 50-50. I had someone that I corrected that they said that, and I corrected them and said, it's always actually Weiger, and she went, yeah, right.

Oh, God, that's very funny. My name pretty easy, Michael Mitchell, you don't mess that one up. You know what's weird about your name is that you still haven't committed to what your first name is. People call you Mike, people call you Mitch, which is part of your last name. Yes. Because there's too many mics. Yeah.

But what am I supposed to say? Like, my name is not Mitch. You could be Mitch Mitchell, that could be your professional name. That was the Jimi Hendrickstrummer, wasn't it? Oh, was it? I think so. That's cool. You think I should be Mitch Mitchell?

Yeah, that'd be awesome. Maybe Mitch Michael. Mitch Michael is actually probably better too. Yeah. What should I do? Should I let our listeners decide? Let our listeners decide what you should be called. What should I go by?

The great naming. Name me. I want to be named by... Hashtag the great naming. I don't know what to go by, because there's stage names. I put Michael Mitchell, the first time I ever had an entertainment job. I guess this is The Simpsons. I put Michael Mitchell.

And then since then, I just got credited as Mike Mitchell on something, like a friend or something, just put on there, and then that kind of stuck. Right. So I just went with Mike Mitchell. But I don't know, Mitch Mitchell is good. Just Mitch? Should I just be Mitch, just like Earthquake is Earthquake? That was your first one-name poll, Earthquake the wrestler?

You didn't think of Cher or Madonna or Prince? Cher, Madonna. You thought of Earthquake? Carrot Top? Yeah. Or is Carrot Top, I guess, is kind of two. Is two, yeah. Typhoon?

Wasn't that Earthquake's tag team partner? The natural disasters, right? To Spoon Nation, and here's a little drop. Let's see if it works. That's pretty good. I've definitely noticed an uptick in craftsmanship in the drops. This was a big fan from the Netherlands. Oh, cool.

Please play my drop. You don't have to bother giving a shout out to my Twitter because I tweet in Dutch. Wow. But if you could give a shout out to my band, that would be awesome, we're called Labouf. And we play some sweet ass indie rock. Check us out at songcloud.com slash labouf music, L-E-B-O-E-U-F. That means beef, right? Music.

Labouf, does it? I think so. Oh, that sounds right. Or am I wrong? No, that sounds right. I mean, I don't know if it means that in Dutch. So, it says love, math, mathegists, that's Dutch for Matthew. Hey, thanks, Matthew.

I'm not going to attempt your name again. I like that one. Hey, you know what? Avoid those trolls out there. I know that that's Norway. Right. But stay safe when you're dealing with trolls. If you see one run into sunlight, they turn to stone.

Is that right? Boy, I wish it worked that way with internet trolls. Oh, Jesus. Hey, you know, before we introduce our guest, a quick plug. We're going to be at the Now Hear This podcast festival, September 8th through 10th in New York City. For info and tickets, go to NowHearThisFest.com. Right.

Get your pod on. That's the official slogan they're going with, right? I don't know. I was just joking. Get your pod on. Get your pod on. They asked people for suggestions. They got one total.

They were like, well, I guess we're going with this now. Get your pod on. Now HearThisFest.com. We're going to New York. We're going to New York City, the Big Apple. The Big Apple. The home of the authentic New York City slice. Oh, boy.

The place where there's subways and also subways. Subways. Sometimes there's subways in the subway. Oh, boy. That gets confusing. You're going to get all turned around. I'm going to be dizzy. Hey, maybe we can make a little Boston stop on the one we go over there, huh?

Okay. Well, so let's not get too far out of ourselves, but yeah, I think though, let's try and figure that out. We're not going to do it now. Yeah. Because it's too much work. Yeah. I just realized that we're going to go there for a weekend, right?

We can figure it out. We'll try. We'll try to figure something out. It's not going to happen. Okay. It's not going to happen. We're canceling everything. Let's introduce our guest.

Hi, David. Hey, David, Gail. I'm the rookie new girl and the Goreburger show. David Nier. Hi, David. Heller. Hey guys, how's it going? David Heller Spoon Nation.

This is great. I almost said Spooge Nation. Oh boy. Spooge Nation. I like that as an offshoot of Spooge Nation. You like that crew? It's the sexy side of Spooge Nation. Spooge Nation.

Spooge Nation after Dark is Spooge Nation. That's the dating. When Doe Boys creates a dating app, it's going to be Spooge Nation. Oh my God. What? Yeah, David, I guess you're cutting on this now. You're a half creator. Right.

60-40? Yep. You get 60. That's great. Wagner and I split 40. That's our negotiation style. Immediately accept the first proposed offer. David, you were telling us before we started.

Yeah. You've never done a podcast before. This is your first guest appearance on a podcast. That is correct, Nick. This is my first time. It's the only podcast I've been on and the only podcast I listen to. Wow. Which is, that's very nice for us to hear.

Very nice. But also crazy for me to hear because how have you not been on a podcast? Right. Crazy. I don't have a lot of friends. I've been there, yeah. I'm still there. Yeah.

Nick and I get that. Yeah. You guys had to start your own because no one would ask you to be. Right. That's great. We'll do one. You're an extremely, extremely funny man. Oh my God.

Thank you. Wow. You and your wife, Marissa Pinson, who has been, who was on the podcast a couple of weeks ago. Very recently. We went to Sizzler. We all went to Sizzler together. Yeah.

We Sizzled. It was great. Is it Marissa Pinson or Marissa Pinchon? She is so. Is she related to Bronson Pinchon? Well, she's Marissa near now. Oh, very cool. Oh, yes, that's cool.

She's mine. Say goodbye to your old friend. Say goodbye to your old name. No, that's kind of old. She still goes by Marissa Pinson technically in our driver's license. She is mine. Oh yeah. Right.

Do you take that, the license out and look at it a lot of the time? I do. Yeah. When she's like soaking in the tub, I'll take it out and just stroke it. Oh man. One of the great pleasures of being a married man cranking off to your wife's driver's license. I meant stroke the face of the ID. Okay.

All right. Weigar, you fucking freak. You belong in Spooch Nation. Of course you. You didn't mean stroke it. I can't believe you even thought. I meant that. Nick.

Guys, what can I say? I get a twisted mind. That's why we love you though. It's part of why. It's summertime. And you know in summertime Weigar's super horny. Nick, you can tell the listeners. Once it's summertime, once you hit July 4th.

Oh yeah. It's like a dog in heat. What are those insects that have those seasonal mating? Like is it like locusts? What do they think it is? Cicadas? Yeah. They mate once every 18 years or something like that.

Your thing too? Right. Your underground for like most of the year. Push through the soil and. Cicadas have better sex lives than you and I just might guess. David, you are from Oklahoma. Yeah. And Oklahoma I imagine is a like a lot of the south.

Barbecue is a big thing there. Yeah. Barbecue is big. When I talk about Oklahoma I have to go a little bit more. Oklahoma in my voice. Right. Text mix is really big. Oh right.

That makes sense. In Oklahoma. There is like kind of like because Oklahoma is kind of is to Texas what Canada is to the United States. It is kind of like I imagine there is something of an inferiority slash superiority complex that is going on there. Is there anything like is there like oh we have an Oklahoma style text mix that is a little better.

Does that ever come through at all? You know I haven't had a lot of Texas text mix. Got it. But I assume it is very similar. You know you get there you get cheese sauce. There is always a thing of cheese sauce and salsa with chips. Oh yeah. I love that queso.

Is that what they call it? Yeah queso. It is fantastic. And it is complimentary. And then they give you some like flour tortilla chips or flour tortillas. And then you get your well I mean go nuts. Right. Chicken chimichanga with sour cream sauce.

Oh man. I will take one. Love a chimichanga. Yeah. Okay. Wait. I have to go far please. I played Curly in Oklahoma as a young boy.

Wow. Wow we got to hear a song. Oklahoma with a wind come sweeping down the lane. Down the lane. And the major babes they sure smell. Great. Great. And queso complimentary.

Is that the one that has got the where the corn is as high as the elephant's eye. Yeah. Something like that. Surrey on top or Surrey on top. Okay. Yeah. I sort of remember it. I played bassoon in my high school's production of Oklahoma.

Oh boy. So I kind of know some of the lyrics indirectly. I was the star of Oklahoma. You were at Curly. I was Curly. Yeah. Wow. And they kind of went in a they went in a direction where they were like we want kind

of like a three Stooges version of Curly. So let's cast a stumbling buffoon. I fucking knocked it out of the park. I bet you did, man. Well, no, I probably did bad. I'm sure I did bad. And I believed you when you when the second verse was about babes. Yeah.

I actually haven't seen it. You've never seen Oklahoma? No. That feels like a I actually I hadn't read grapes of wrath until like three years ago. Wow. And like Marissa's dad was like you you're from Oklahoma. You haven't read that. And so I read it.

Wow. And I feel connected to my, you know, I feel like you have to see some version of Oklahoma. I feel like that's a big like that's like me not watching the departed. Right. Or something like that. Is it really that good though? The depart is great. No, I love the departed.

Yeah, obviously. Oklahoma's musicals are real hit and miss, man. You've seen you've seen the departed. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's good enough. Oklahoma's kind of you don't have to see Oklahoma. You saw the departed. Oklahoma's kind of the departed of musicals, I'd say.

Yeah. On the same sort of level. No, I like I like Oklahoma. I think that you know what aside people talking about that Oklahoma song, you know, it's a great track. Oh, what a beautiful morning. Oh, yes. Beautiful morning.

You know what? It's kind of your, you know what? All of the babes are it. Okay. So is on every table and you don't have to pay. Yeah. Then they have this hip hop remix. Oklahoma is the state.

It makes me feel so great. It's really weird because it predated rap by like 50 years, but they were ahead of their time. Yeah, they were innovators. And people love Hamilton, but that was the original Hamilton. It was the original Hamilton in a lot of ways. Nick, I wish that you hearing you sing right there. I wish that you had tried out for Curly as well so that could have fucking beaten you.

You know, I was realizing as I was just saying that they're, oh, what a beautiful morning has kind of a similar tonal progression to the Kid Icarus theme. Like, oh, it's kind of like the same sort of thing. Nick, you are a fucking loser. How the hell do you have room in your brain for all of this worthless for all this bullshit? Yeah. Well, I didn't learn anything in school. Why wasn't Kid Icarus in the Nest Classic?

It wasn't in the Nest Classic? I'm not sure if it was or not. Wait, I'm going to look this up right now. I know we don't like to look things up on the podcast or I know you don't like it when I look things up on the podcast because I just get trapped. I think it is. You think it is in the Nest Classic? Yeah.

Maybe it is. It's a great game. You know, it's also in Doctor Mario. Doctor Mario. You know, I didn't play Doctor. I never... It looks like it is. Looks like it is.

Oh, it is. It is on the Nest Classic. Maybe it's overlooked it with all those other titles on there. I probably did. How's your rash? My rash is gone. My rash is completely gone. You know what's going on lately?

I was going to say this up top. I'm having eyebrow spasm. My left eyebrow is spasming. It's been happening for a day straight. It will just spasm a little bit. I get that one. That was my eyelid. Yeah.

I sometimes get it with my eyelid or my eye. But for whatever reason, it's my eyebrow. That's a new one. Yeah. That's really strange. I'm asking you to pierce it. It's like right here. It is actually truly in the spot where you would pierce it.

This is the best theory I've heard so far. Which beats my theory of head cancer or whatever. I immediately thought I had. Right. But it's constantly checking. The eye spasm with the eyelid, I get that sometimes. That is not fun. That's funny.

I've never had anyone else have the same thing. It's bad. Mitch, we have a lot in common, I think. I think so too. That sounds rough. The ailment I'm dealing with, I slammed my bathroom window too hard. And it kind of caused my left ear to pop. Oh my god.

What? Yeah. That's insane. I know. I wasn't trying to close it too hard. But I just kind of got a little too much force behind it. It like slammed shut. Gustav Wynn has maybe brazed my ear drum.

It was like a super loud crack. And it was just right by my ear. Because of just where it was on the wall. And yeah, it really just popped my left ear. And it's been kind of hard to hear out of it for ever since. That's crazy. Really weird, right? How long ago was this?

Just before I came over here. Are you serious? Yeah, I did that. And then I washed my hands. And then I got in the car. Hey, you were talking about Dr. Mario. We could use a visit from Dr. Mario. Oh boy.

Oh yeah. Here I am. Oh, what's the problem? Oh boy. Dr. Mario's classic catchphrase. Here I am. Hey, what's the problem? Dr. Mario, I think you need to get your voice checked though.

No, I'm alright. This is how it's always been. You know when I was a rowdy teenager. My friend Paul used to light fireworks in the car and throw him out the window. Whoa. So it's like he would light, I would throw, or vice versa. That is bad kid behavior. One time it popped in the car.

Oh yeah. And I had a full. Yes. Wiger in the window sort of experience. Yeah, right. It was messed up for like two days. Wiger in the window sounds like a scary children's song. Watch out for that.

Wiger in the window. Now I'm gonna put this to the tune of how much for that doggy in the window. Right. We're singing a lot. Hey you know what, while we're on music, before we get too far. Oklahoma is the way it's... Yeah. It got us singing.

And before we get too far away from Oklahoma music, pass me that aux chord real quick Mitch, if you got it over there. Don't get, you don't have to have a heavy sigh. I don't know what's coming. No, this is going to... I was actually not me like doing a, Right. stage sigh.

I am nervous. All right, we'll pause real quick. In case I have to do, in case we have to edit out this little pop here. No, we don't have to pause real quick. We don't have to. Okay, okay, hold on. So one of my favorite ads is this is a, this was a, this was from the last decade in the 2000s.

I think we're on 2008. Mr. Spriggs Barbecue in Oklahoma. They have quite the catchy theme song. Let me play a little bit of this for us. Oh, wait, hold on. Mr. Spriggs. That's super quick in the audio here. If you're looking for tasty barbecue, come on down to the Spriggs.

Oh, yeah. I think I got some sauce on my shirt. Shut up. Boom. Wow, that was good. It really is. It was really good, right? Mr. Spriggs was really good.

However, that was actually the remix of the Mr. Spriggs theme. We've got the actual Mr. Spriggs theme queued up here now. Let's go ahead and play this one. That was good as well. That's a fucking groove. Mr. Spriggs Barbecue. All right, we get a taste of that. I think I got some sauce on my shirt.

Wow, so they left the ending. They left the ending, yeah, where someone says I think I got some sauce on my shirt and then someone else tells them to shut up, which is weird. It's hard for me to pick between the remix and the original. Both very, very good. They're both very good. Both very catchy. Both really make you crave some Oklahoma-style barbecue.

No, I doubt. I love it. It's very much a R. Kelly-ish jam. Oh, yeah. It's horny for sure. It's very horny, which is very funny for barbecue. And also it did that funny thing of like, oh, the sensual song and then it worked. It's a dress and do it, which is very funny to me.

Yeah, I like that a lot. It's like, down on Fairmont Street, whatever it says. Very, very funny. That's a great one. Yeah, it's fantastic. Sexy and informative. Have you ever been to Mr. Straight? Well, no, I moved away from Oklahoma in 2003, so Mr. Spriggs might be a newer, you know,

I go back once a year, but for me it was Steve's Rib. Okay. That was my fave. There's an elephant in the room, too, that we haven't discussed. Yeah. You don't eat that sort of thing anymore. You've gone veg. You've gone veg.

Wow. You just dropped a bomb on the listeners. They're like, this guy seems cool. He seems like, wait, what? Yeah. Pick your ear buds off of the floor since they probably popped out of your ears when you heard that news. Yes.

It's true, Mike. Or should I? Mitch. Mitchell, Mitch. I still haven't decided yet. Mitchell, Mike, Mitch. Hashtag the great naming. Yeah, the great naming still hasn't been decided.

Yeah. You know what? I'm creeped back, though. I'm eating fish and seafood and crab legs. That's right. So I've drawn the line there. You know, I'm a very sensitive man, and I actually, I was thinking like, I think I've always kind of like had a hard time with killing animals.

Right. Yes. And I think back to a time when I was, oh God, it kills me, but I was like 11 years old and I would always go fishing with my friend Ryan Akin, right? And he had this great little pond. Poopsie and Mima had this great little pond. That's what he called his grandparents, Poopsie and Mima. Oh, man.

And so we, they let us drive the car down to the pond. We're like, that was like when we were like 13. So cool. And, but there were these frogs on the banks of this pond and we had BB guns and a pellet gun, right? We had like this pistol BB gun. And anyway, we just got in our head, like let's kill every fucking frog we can see. Oh my God.

You know, you're just like kids like, yeah, shoot it. Oh, we killed it. Oh, there's one over there. Killed that frog too. So like we'd be like, aim, ready, aim, fire. You know, we just load this, these frogs full of lead. Damn. And we couldn't stop.

It was like, it was so like invigorating, like murder. I don't know. It felt so like exciting and good at the time. Cause I was like, yeah, yeah, let's get another one. And we went around that pond and we must have killed. And these are substantial sized frogs. Yeah. We must have killed like 15 of them.

Oh my God. And great frog, Oklahoma and frog massacre. Oh my God. I know people are still talking about it today, but I, we brought them back to Poopsie and Mima all proud of ourselves. Look at all the frogs we killed. How cool. And I remember Poopsie.

He was just like this hardened kind of Oklahoma guy was like, why the hell did you do that? I was like, I don't know. Well, okay. Like he was just so clearly befuddled and disappointed that we just like wiped out this entire population of frogs. And Mima was nice enough to cook them up for us though. She cooked up the fried, the, she fried the frogs legs, which is 30 frog legs, right? Damn.

For four of us. There's just no way we could eat them. And then I took a bite and it was fucking gross. It was like, it tasted like chicken. It actually did, but like dirty chicken. Right. Like it had dirt. Cause they just been living in a swamp or whatever.

And was that something that, was that a thing that stuck with you? I feel like it. Yeah. Like even though I eat fish now, does a frog count as a fish? I think they're, they're an amphibian. It's kind of like a, it's a great area. I know a frog's not a fish, but also it could be a pie for all I know. Right.

I think they've got like the same sort of brain power as like a fish, right? Yeah. A turtle is not any smarter than a carp really, right? They're both fucking dumb. I think they're both very smart. Yeah. At the same time, I could never kill a turtle though. Yeah.

I had, I had a pet turtle. That would be tough for me. Yeah. I got a question for you. Yeah. Did poopsie hang himself in the barn that night? Well, yeah, he did. He did.

But all my years, I've never seen anything like that. Sweet Jesus. He did, but it was autoerotic asphyxiation. It was unrelated. We told poopsie, my guess is probably has passed. Yeah. And probably no poopsie is still alive. He is like, he is old as sin.

Wow. He's like 90 or something. Man. But we really did wipe out the population of frogs. Maybe it's fucking insane. Maybe it's a green mile situation where the frogs are alive too. And he's, and that's why poopsie is alive. Right.

There's a, what's his name? John Coffey who brought poopsie life. Does this make sense to you? God, I don't really remember that movie all that well. Green Mile. It was a bad tangent. He heals Tom Hanks as urinary tract infection. That's the thing I remember most.

And then Tom Hanks lives a very long time because of it. But he also brings back to life a mouse. Yeah, remember that little mouse? A mouse that gets crushed. And like, it's like one of the dumb prisoners. Like it's like one of his pet mouse or whatever. Yeah. And then the evil guy crushes him.

But John Coffey brings it back to life. Isn't there also a pet mouse in... Stuart Little? Yeah, Stuart Little. But no, I was thinking of the other prison movie, the other Stephen King prison movie. There's a pet mouse in Shawshank Redemption too, isn't there? There's a pet bird.

Or am I conflating? Oh, I'm conflating. Okay. He has the, he has the, is it Brooks who has the bird? Oh, is that what it is? A man who hangs himself. Yes. Right.

Cause he like, there's like a maggot in his food and he feeds it to the bird in his pocket. That's what I remember. So it wasn't a mouse. It was a bird. I, you know, I think I've told the story on here where I, the, the, the kitten in the marsh where my dad brought me behind and we found the cat and it was frozen. Yeah.

And, and, and I've, I've been very, I love animals very much. You told a story before this where you almost saved, you would try to save a kitten. Yeah. And it made me tear up. It was a very emotional, nice story. So I, I understand, I understand you're, you're, you're feeling of, of loving animals and not wanting to hurt them.

And that frog story is, it must have been an eye, that's an eye-opening experience. Really, really dark. It was. And also I got to be honest, like, as someone who's lived in California his whole life, that is like the most hasty Hicks story I've ever heard. We went down to the pond, shot a bunch of frogs, then we brought them back to Poopsie and Mima.

Just like a blue state's caricature of what the South is like. And then I got even more Southern in that Mima fried them up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that is, that, those were some of my most hick moments hanging out with that family. They, we went cat fishing a lot and, or we just went fishing.

Yeah. Mima. Mima was young. Mima, Mima was young. She's old. We were all in on it. Why'd you trick that poor girl over the internet? That's better than my story.

Oh, no. No, please tell it. Well, I, I, we went cat fishing one day and it was a real slow day down on the river, Red River. It's red because of that red Oklahoma mud. And I caught a catfish. I was the only one in like over the span of like hours and then Poopsie called me catfish from that day forward.

So that's my, that's my, kind of my only nickname I've ever got that stuck. Well, guess what? It's coming back catfish. What? What? You mean it's here? From here on out, I'm calling you catfish, right Nick? Hell yeah, catfish.

Wow. We need to wait. We need like a, like a spoon nation burger brigade-esque catfish, catfish navy. Catfish navy? I'm trying to think of something because it's like, it's like these are vaguely militaristic. Yes. But you're not going to get people to follow catfish navy. They just met me.

What are they going to do? I'm a member of catfish navy. Just like that one guy was. Cause I caught one fish too. You'd be surprised by the loyalties inspired by guess on this program. Okay. Well, catfish navy, let's grab your pose. Let's head down to the river.

Hashtag catfish navy. And if it doesn't catch on, it's, it's on me. It's not on you. It's on my bad hashtag. I won't take it personally. Um, but so as a, so you're as a vegetarian. Yeah. You, you very pretty easy to accommodate it.

Fairly easy. I can assume to accommodate that living here in Los Angeles, but when you return to Oklahoma, what is your plan? Like how do you deal with that? It just sucks. We eat a bunch of pizza. Mmm. Schlott skis.

You guys know Schlott skis? That's a deli, right? What? Is that a deli? No. It's a sandwich shop. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like, um, sourdough buns with like, I still go there and I get there like their original without meat. And it's a really weird sandwich. It's like unlike any other sandwich. I know a lot of people out there probably know what I'm talking about. Hashtag Schlott skis nation. Um, they put black olives on it, like all diced up shredded cheese, melted.

Like, you know, like it's fucking good mustard. It's a lot better obviously. Like it's a step above subway. Yeah. Yeah. I guess so. I feel like I've had it once. I feel like we were like in, it would have been like Colorado, New Mexico have a Schlott

skis. I feel like we were in, I feel like we were there at a family trip and I had Schlott skis once. Maybe it was Arizona. Um, but yeah, that, that, that's, I don't really remember what it was, but that all, that sounds good. What you're describing. Yeah.

So you get like a veggie sandwich from there. We eat Italian food. They actually are starting to get some like Thai food and stuff like that. Oh, that's nice. It's, it's getting bigger. You can make it work, but it's, it's a chore. Yeah. I mean, it really sucks when you go to like a barbecue and it's like, we've been cooking

this meat for 30 days. Right. You know, I don't know how long they cook it, but. We're going to get like a side of corn. Yeah. I ate a side of corn, baked potato, sour cream, sprinkled some cheese on that, salt and pepper. You know, I'll have to go into it, but like I might even squirt a little ranch. Oh hell yeah.

Yeah. It sounds like what you're, what you're dealing with. And this is a thing that we talked about a little bit with, with, with you and Marissa when we're eating at a restaurant for this week, which we'll get into in one second. But with vegetarian, sometimes it's like, you know, there's this thought of like, oh, your granola, you're super healthy or whatever, but you can very easily veer into, and especially if you're limited, depending on where you live in terms of what your vegetarian options are, you can veer into, oh, I'm just eating a bunch of starch and a bunch of, of cheese

and I'm just eating like a lot of very heavy food, even though I'm not eating meat. Right. Yeah. It can be a, it can be dangerous. Nick, I'm not going to lie. You can eat a lot of bad, bad food. Yeah. And you got to stay smart about it.

Right. And so I, I try to, uh, in, in LA, you know, you can eat real healthy. Yeah. And so, you know, I, I go one healthy meal, one, you know, naughty meal. Like, like Scorsese. It's like, uh, you do one for. Scorsese. I say, I say Scorsese, but it's misspoken as Scorsese.

Scorsese. It's like Scorsese. It's like, you do one for them and one for you. Exactly. I'm a lot like him. One for the studios and one that you want to make. Scorsese is like a, like a, the rap, like a guy who was like a homage to Scorsese. Oh, you're right.

Um, my buddy Joe Resty in college, uh, he informed me that he was the first to let me know like, oh, like being a vegetarian, you can be unhealthy. Yeah. He used to like, uh, like Taco Bell, a lot of vegetarians like Taco Bell. Yeah. You can get, I've heard, I've talked to some vegetarians and they're like, yeah, you can go to Taco Bell. You can sub beans for the meat.

And so you can get hard shell tacos with beans in them. And, you know, it's got all the fixings in there and you load it up with sauce. And it's actually a pretty good replication. I want to, I want to tell a quick pathetic Joe Resty story. Great. He broke, he broke his, he was like, I'm going to break it to go and we went to the steak house. Uh, my friend Luke Michaels is his, his dad took us to this steak house for his birthday.

Joe Resty gets chicken. Wow. He breaks his vegetarianism for chicken. That is pretty pathetic. And I'm still mad at him to this day, over 10 years later. Right. I get it. If you're like, you go to your, you're craving fried chicken or something like that and you're

more at a restaurant, but if you're going to a steak house specifically, why not get a piece of steak? Get a piece of steak. He broke it to get chicken. That's really it. That was fucking pathetic, Resty. God damn it. That's like way if you got a hall pass from your wife and then you go, fuck me.

I didn't go fuck Mitch. What a waste of that hall pass. Your wife's letting you step out for the first time in years. Don't go fuck Mitch. Don't get some chicken at a steak house. If you've been a vegetarian for years. Um, yeah, that, that, that is like, that's a crazy bizarre choice. Yeah.

That made me think of a, the Taco Bell thing made me think of a, of a similar story of a friend of mine. Old coworker Dave. I won't, I won't give his last name cause it wouldn't, no, not Dave. Yeah. Dave Thomas from Wendy's. No, but my, my, my coworker Dave from when I worked in video games, he told me the story of he for a time was just like on a super like a cartoonishly gamer's diet of

he was just basically only eating Taco Bell and he was just getting a base every meal at Taco Bell and was just eating that like, you know, pretty much straight supplemented with some, some garbage, you know, just snack foods for like a month and he started to feel like really, really like sick, like so sick that he was like, fuck it. I gotta go to the doctor and he went to the doctor and the doctor did some tests and they came back and said, uh, yeah, you have scurvy. Oh my God. Just eating Taco Bell, he'd stopped getting vitamin C and he'd developed like the disease

of sailors on the high seas in the 17th century. I think he gave us a little clue into who that was. You said he went super crazy. Was it super Dave? You're right. It wasn't Dave Thomas. It was my old coworker, super Dave Osborn back with me back when I used to, we were both used to work for Mr. Fuji.

Oh man. He listened to the podcast. I mean, at one point he listened to the podcast. He still isn't the podcast. Hi Dave. Um, but yeah. So, okay. So vegetarian.

You're a vegetarian. Yeah. And that brings us to this week's chain, which is one we reviewed before we really, we really tore it apart. We, we tore it to shreds with our friend Heather Ann Campbell, who was just on the show a couple of episodes ago talking about how she still disliked do mommy burger. And I said, I had had an unpleasant experience since our last visit there. So we're, so we're kind of converging here and we wanted to have you on the show and

just purely basically by coincidence, you wanted to do umami burger and tell us the reason why this is a chain that's at the forefront of your mind right now. Okay. Y'all, let me lay it down flat for you. Umami burger was not a place that I would go to because it was a burger place. And then I heard of the impossible burger. It bleeds just like real meat. I love blood as you know, as it drips out of its little green body.

I got the bloodlust when I was attacking those frogs. I was just like one more, it never goes away and never, never goes away. Well, yeah. So it's like that juicy, like that impossible burger that, you know, supposedly tastes just like real meat. And um, yeah, that was funny. I was like, I texted Mitch and I was like, you know, maybe we could do umami burger. And Mitch is like, yeah, that sounds good.

And then I listened to the episode and you guys were like, I hate umami burger. I would rather fucking die than eat umami burger again. Me too, dude. I think to be fair, it was right before the episode came out. So you didn't know that we had just unleashed on you. And also you shouldn't listen to the show anyways, but, but our thing is, is we, we, we want to go back to try these. We even would go back to Carol's and they get, luckily it's closed down, right?

Everywhere, almost, or maybe not. I don't know if every location has closed, has shuttered. I think actually the South Pasadena location is still open when we went to. We're open to going to other places, right, Nick? And I feel like, yeah, we're a visit to places that we've, we've had a bad experience at before. Umami is a place that was decent quality. Like I liked you.

It wasn't my favorite, but I did enjoy it quite a bit. It was something of a, I think we considered it's recent, a recent, yeah, a slide, right? A fall from grace. We did, it had some stature at some point. So the, the impossible burger and I, you know, I looked up a little bit in terms of what's in it. It says, I think they're being a little coy with the ingredients because they don't want to disclose their, their recipe, but they're saying wheat, coconut oil, potatoes.

And then this ingredient called heme, H-E-M-E, I'm not sure if that's how you pronounce it. I'm assuming it rhymes with meme, but maybe it's heme. I have no idea. Uh, but it's just a H-E-M, H-E-M, H-E-M, H-E-M, H-E-M, H-E-M, H-E-M, H-E-M, H-E-M, H-E-M, H-E-M, the band. One, two, three, four. Oh, sorry.

Is that, is that, is that heme? I think. This and then that's them. Uh-oh. Very cool. I think, I don't know. Are you being sincere? I don't know.

I don't recognize the song, but I know there is a band called heme. Oh, Teenager. Yes. That's the only one I know. Now that you said that, I didn't know what they sang. That's a catchy ass song, but then they put it in a commercial and you're kind of like, huh, was it good anymore? It's over.

Once you're in it, right, do you think it's over once you, once you get commercialized? Nah, I think it's great. Really? Put it in the commercial. Why not? Brings it to a new audience. You know what? Sting didn't make a music video for Desert Rose because he got so much exposure from having

it in a car commercial. Really? So he's just like, oh, that Desert Rose is, like, it's on so many eyeballs and I'm getting paid for it. Why even bother making a music video for it? Are there songs that got, like, that I liked better after they were, like, commercialized and I heard them or I'm, I'm trying to think? Um, I think, uh, I feel like Chicken Tonight, maybe.

That was my favorite song for years. Go ahead, Nick. What were you saying? Uh, but no, it's, you know, they're, they're, they say that it's heme. It makes it, that's, that's the ingredient that says it may, it sort of gives it that smell and the, the, the bleed sensation. Um, but yeah, it's still, it's hard to glean exactly what's in this thing, but, but I will say we all went there and we all got the impossible burger.

Each of us ordered it all for our entire party and you know what, why don't we save what we thought of it until after the break, we'll be right back with more Doe Boys. Oh my God, Nick. Welcome back to Doe Boys talking to Mommy Burger with David Nier. So the impossible burger, the way it's got two of these impossible burger patties, this you know, meat, like meat, like substance that's created from plant matter. Uh, and it's also got caramelized onions, American cheese, miso mustard, house spread, dill pickles, lettuce and tomato.

The miso mustard really the only thing I guess the house spread to is kind of like has an umami flavor, but really the only things that kind of deviate it from that classic American burger. Like that was my thing, like the, from a visual and then from a, a flavor standpoint, it really was going for just like a sort of a classic burger, which I think was a good move. Absolutely. Yeah. It's almost like if they, if they try to do their umami sort of concept on top of this

impossible patty, it would have just almost been like just confusing. I like that they were just trying to be like, we're going to try as much as possible to make this meatless burger taste like that burger, you know, and love. So you've had this a number of times. This was me and Mitch's first sensation. Yes. I've had it four times in the last like six weeks. Wow.

I'm actually getting to the point where I think if I had another one this week, I might, you know, burn out. Really? I've been going so hard and fast on these burgers. Right. But it's so exciting for me who, I mean, Marissa as well, my lovely wife Marissa, we're just going Goo Goo Gaga over this, this burger. I mean, everyone's just like, yeah, I want a burger.

I want to go to McDonald's. Oh yeah. There it is. Right. Like, you know, you don't know what you have. Right. It's accessible anytime. I literally had a McDonald's burger last night.

It's just like available to meat eaters. Yeah. And you just like ate it. I'm sure. I'm like, come on. Which what burger from there, brother? I got a double cheeseburger. And here's what this was stupid.

I ordered the double cheeseburger, which is $1.99. But I realized if I'd gone for the McPic two and gotten a McDouble, which has, which is the double cheeseburger with one fewer slices of cheese, I could have gotten two McDoubles for $2.50. Wow. I just like, I ordered it and I was like, ah, fuck, like I figured it out by the time it was too late. You fucked up.

Yeah. But it was fine. It was a good double cheeseburger. Can I get a McPic two? Yeah, you could. But you didn't. I didn't know. Right.

Okay. You should remember that next time we're there, Weiger. I will. I'll never forget it. You eat. Do you eat? I feel like you swim a lot, huh? Is that what it is?

I swim a good, I mean, I try to exercise. I try to exercise five or six days a week. I'm not always successful, but that's my goal. And then I also, I think you've lost weight. This isn't fair with this podcast. My eyebrows are twitching and you're losing weight. Well, I got partial hearing loss from a slammed window in my bathroom door. Shut a window too quick, which is insane.

It hurt your ear. No, I mean, I try to eat very healthy in general. And then there are, I do have meals where I go on a little bit of a deviate a bit, but I will have like, I still try to do it in moderation outside of things that we'll do for this podcast. So like, you know, like having one McDonald's double cheeseburger isn't crazy. You know what I mean? Yeah.

So anyway, sorry. We got derailed from what you were saying. I'd like to see you with that. I mean, I think I'm not the only one who'd like to see you like in a bathing suit. I want to, I mean, just to get a knife full of it. Hey, just to see what's going on. He wears like a single, like a, like a, it's over the shoulder strapped bathing suit. Like a 1920s.

Like a 1920s. Coney Island swimsuit. And a swim cap. Yeah. He does, he does his, he does his little, he does his swim exercises. Yeah, I do. I do lap swimming. Santa Monica public pool.

It's a great facility. I will say that here's the issue is that you get that, you get that swimmers tan. I've got like a very, oh, it's outdoor pool. It's an outdoor pool. I spend a lot of time in the set. So I've got like an uneven tan or my back because I mostly do freestyle cause I'm not going to backstroke. So I get the, I have like a back tan that's, I have a back that's darker than the front.

And then the, my private areas are like very, very white. Oh Jesus. Let's see him. I'm not going to show anyone my private areas. Okay. Um, can I ask you a question? Yeah. A serious question.

Yeah. Uh, when you leave the pool, do you notice the guy who cleans the pool? Do you notice him pouring in a bunch of chemicals after you stepped out just to clean out whatever gunk I dragged in there? I'm a hygienic man. I'm not filthy. All right. Um, all right.

So when you were talking, we, we, we wanted a big tangent. Yeah. You were talking about the impossible burger. You've eaten it a bunch of times. Yes. Mediators take burgers for granted. You were someone who hadn't had a proper burger in a long time. And for me, it's like, that's exactly what I remember a burger tasting like.

It's not like a big, juicy, like fancy burger. It's like a, it's just kind of like a big Mac or something. Yeah. And it, I wanted to eat a big Mac for so long and now I finally can and it, I'm, I'm loving it, man. Um, it. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. Yes.

It was really like, I, I, so I added it and, and Mitch, you and I should talk about our impressions. We both, we both got it. We both got it. We had the entire party all got our own, uh, impossible burgers and partly because you guys were evangelizing so hard and it's a thing that's being talked about a lot locally in LA right now. And I think there, there is the sort of thing of it as successful.

They will go nationwide. Maybe even other chains will start carrying it, but I was very impressed by it. I was also very impressed by it. Like I, I was just like, I thought it was really good. And the thing I said at dinner and the thing, uh, my observation from it was when you, when you got those bites that had the onions, the cheese, the veggies all in there, when you got that bite that was like all of that stuff at once, like that ideal burger bite there, it was like to me, I was like, I would not be able to tell this isn't meat.

When you got the bam right there, which, which is a very strong endorsement for it, which Dave, Dave was very nervous about whether we would like it or not. You were, can I say sitting on the edge of your seat as we were about to take bites. I kind of thought you guys were going to like be like, Oh my God, like have like a really dramatic response to the first bite. But I even started recording you because I thought like your eyes were going to bug out of your head and be like, this is real, man, this is real. But then you both just like took a bite, you chewed it and they took another bite, contemplated

it. But I'm thrilled that you guys like it because it's not just for me. Right. This is for meat eaters as well. This is like their mission statement is to get meat eaters to eat this shit. Yeah. Which I mean, we, we talked about this a little bit, but this is the future at some point. This has to happen.

Yeah. You know, I'm not trying to get preachy, but the reason that they started is meat. Okay. Like factory farming is, sorry, I'm actually crying. No. It, it, God, I'm so bad with words and science. It's, I'm very, the factory farming, it's very destructive to the environment, very cruel to the animals.

And it produced that one seventh of the world's methane gas comes from factory farms. So that's kind of the intention behind it. It's like, if you can cut back on meat eating, it's like getting an electric car. Right. And even if you don't concern yourself with animal welfare, which I do, I think the way these animals are treated in factory farms is horrendous. And that's one of the reasons I do feel bad about this, this podcast at times being complicit and possibly in tacitly endorsing this practice by virtue of talking about these chain restaurants

and giving publicity, but here's what I was going to say, that the, that the, aside from the animal welfare issues, the environmental issues are, are crazy. And there's also things like, you know, in agricultural communities that are, you know, near these factory farms, like the water is, is oftentimes super polluted. They're all sorts of issues because of animal waste gets into the water supply. They're just all sorts of related health issues. The working conditions of these factory farms and slaughterhouses in particular are often very, very bad for, for employees there.

A lot of whom are, are migrant labor. So yeah, there are all sorts of issues. Well, they also, they, they, a lot of these are factories that are outside of the country. Now there's a lot in South America. Yeah. So that's another issue altogether. And they're clearing out forests to make these farms. Right.

It's bad. It's bad. It's become very bad. Such a bummer. Yes. It is. I told myself I'm not going to make this a bummer and now I've made it a bummer. Most of these episodes are a bummer.

So don't worry. It's, it's, it's a hard reality. Right. And it is the future we have to move more in line with this. So, hey, if you get me a burger that tastes like meat, if you give me that meat burger and I can't distinguish between the two, I'd be just as happy. If I went to McDonald's and I found out they just switched it up and I did not know and it was on all veggie burger that tasted like a burger.

I'd say, Hey, I didn't know about it. If you can't notice a difference and then what is the, what is the big deal? If you can't notice a difference, is there a big deal? If you can't notice a difference, I don't think there's that there's that big of a deal aside from people who do, who want to be like, want to say like, I'm eating meat for some sort of, for its own sort of political purposes. But what I was going to say is that the, like, I'm not sure if, if, I know you were just throwing out an example, but like some place that like McDonald's, it kind of has a distinct

flavor to their meat. It might be a little bit more challenging, but a place like Jack in the box, just to throw out a chain where the meat is kind of buried in a bunch of sauces and toppings and stuff. I feel like a place like that could get away with using some sort of meat substitute patty and just sort of sneaking it in there and people really wouldn't know. Well, I'm saying if it tastes good. Now here's the thing, Dave, I am always told by, we've talked about this a little bit, Nick,

where it's like, I'm always told by vegetarians, like, this burger is going to knock your socks off. You won't be able to tell that it's, that it's a veggie burger or whatever. Yeah, yeah, but always, I feel like 99.9%, I mean, 100% of the time, I would be like, I can tell this burger is the closest thing to, it is, it's impressive. It is actually, it is truly impressive. There were like three bites within the burger was like, oh, I can taste that this isn't meat. Right.

But that's out of a whole burger, three bites. It's pretty amazing, right? Pretty, pretty, pretty impressive. And also those three bites, I wasn't like, get it out of my mouth. You know, I was okay with it. I mean, stay in my mouth, but I'm just saying, I'm not, I'm not eating me. I knew I wasn't eating meat, but for, I think that I have like an aversion to Satan or what was the other one?

Yeah, I have an aversion to Satan and also Satan and then Tempe. Oh yeah. Yeah, I think I think he tempt you a lot. Is that why you don't like him? Satan is, is, is temp, is temper thing. Yes. He, uh, oh God, boy. Wow.

Double pun. You're doing weird. He's very tempting. I just, like any time, like I've eaten like Satan nuggets. Yeah. Like, uh, I've never, ever, like, enjoy, I never enjoy them. Yeah, like, uh, I've never, I've never really been fooled by fake meat. Even in this one, I wasn't like when I, because I took some of the patty on its

own and just ate it just to get a sense of it. And I think the texture is pretty impressively meat like, I think the flavor is, and it's hard to figure out the exact words to describe because it's so amorphous, but it kind of is last lacking, uh, the, the savory quality of meat. It, it almost doesn't have that kind of like, uh, you know, it doesn't taste, this, this sounds so stupid, but it doesn't taste as quite as meaty as meat. It doesn't quite have the same sort of richness that you would get from like that cooked fat. I agree with you.

But then I feel like so many burgers, like it's prepared in the similar way that a lot of burgers are prepared. So it was like, so it like, there are burgers that don't like, don't have the like dripping meaty flavor. Definitely. So like, it tasted like one of those burgers. It tasted like a well done burger. Yeah.

Like it was just like a little overcooked. But yes. Yeah. And they're not afraid either. I mean, they put the meat out there. Yeah. It's not like it's like a tiny, tiny amount of meat. It's two patties.

They, they, they give it to you. Man, I was, I was gobbling that hamburger up until Mike, for some reason, you brought up suicide. That's right. Why, why do we get on that? I, everyone else had finished their burger. I was, I had like a third left. I guess I had just been enjoying watching you guys enjoy it.

Yeah. And then, you know, classic. I brought up suicide. We won't, we won't, there was something with a combination of the three of us, we get into dark territory for whatever reason. Yeah. But it did, it brought down the whole meal. And then the meal just, then from there on out, it just kind of was down.

And, and then we left. And then it was out. I got really tired too. Yeah. Nick was tired. Do you notice that? Yeah. Yeah.

I noticed towards the end, Nick didn't want to like stick around and hear all of our fun stories about skunks. Well, no, I liked your story. Here, here's like, yeah, okay, we've all seen a skunk. Let's, let's go. Well, look, I feel very much like, yeah, in a relationship with you when this sort of thing happens, because I'm like, yeah, Nick's getting tired. It's time for us to go.

You mean like a relationship like a caretaker would have with like the invalid there they're looking after 100% because I honestly felt like I'm just like, because I've tried to, I've chosen this week to be, okay, I'm going to stop having that afternoon cup of coffee that I normally have after lunch. And you usually have a cup of Joe to sort of wake myself up and power me through the rest of the day. I'm like, I should try to cut that caffeine out. Maybe I'll sleep a little better.

And I've been really, really, like even now I'm like, I'm like pretty sleepy. Maybe you should work it back in. Oh, is it a sleep thing? You're trying to go to bed at night early. It's partly that I'm partly trying to get to bed a little earlier and have a little bit less, a little bit more restful sleep. And I think that might be a factor. But yeah, it really, I really feel like maybe I just need to, maybe just need a

little espresso or something after lunch at two o'clock in the afternoon. Yeah, maybe that's it. Maybe need like a half calf. Yeah. Here's an idea. Stop embarrassing me in front of our guest. You sleepy fuck. You know, I want to throw in one thing real quick, one more, a couple more data

points. Our friend Courtney Davis, who's been on the podcast before and her husband Bill and their, their child with their, their son was there. And, and we, uh, they also got the impossible burger. Yes. And also really enjoyed it. They got it because we were eating it. They got it because we're, and here's the thing, this wasn't an arranged

meeting up. This was just like a bump into, they were, they were randomly going to eat a new mommy burger anyway. And we were like, Hey, we're getting this impossible burger. They're like, sure, we'll get that impossible burger. They also got it. And they also loved it. Yes. Which in their son kept almost running into traffic.

He heard you talking about suicide. He was like, I want to be like Mitchy. We're like, no, don't be like Mitch for any number of reasons. And then he burned you so good. He was like, shoot. What was it? Oh, yes. Oh, like, no, the, the man doesn't want to run out in the street.

And he was like, if the man ran out in the street, he would stop the car. He made a fucking fat joke. He really dunked on you. And then I strangled him. I strangled him like Homer strangles barn, I believe. Courtney said, what the fuck are you doing? That little shit. Don't call her friends son a little shit.

He's a very cute kid. I'm very kidding, obviously. But he did. He was running out into a, he ran out. He tried to run into traffic, I think three different times. He's a toddler. Yeah. He doesn't have a sense of what's right and wrong.

He also then Courtney was like, he's never tried to do this before. They said that there's something there's something wrong with us. We're a dark cloud. Let's talk about the other food we got in this meal. So Mitch, you and I shared a Sam's Crispy Chicken sandwich. That's a very simple concept. Fried chicken breast, special sauce, dill pickles, creamy coleslaw. Cut it in half, each had half.

Kind of unremarkable, but a good chicken sandwich. Unremarkable. I was I was hoping for something more. It looked better on paper. They added a bunch of chicken. Their menu is updated. You mommy has updated their menu. There's a few different things on there.

There's a bunch of chicken sandwiches now. I thought it tasted like weed. Do you remember that? There was like something like in the mix of toppings that it tasted like weed to me. I guess I don't know what weed tastes like. I don't know if I've ever eaten weed on its own. What does that taste like? How weed smells?

Oh, OK. I guess kind of. It was very smoky. There was some weird flavors. I mean, it tasted kind of like weed. Yeah. And afterwards, we were like, whoa, let's listen to fish, man. We sat in your car and we listened to fish for three hours.

It was really strange. But yeah, it was like I think like God, your impression of what a high guy is like. People missed you. You put out peace signs on both hands and you rocked back and forth. That's what stoners do. They're always doing the peace sign. Jesus. Yeah, but I wasn't particularly impressed by the crispy chicken.

And then we also got some sides in there. We got the butter corn. Butter corn came with Parmesan master sauce, which I'm not sure what that was. Soy and lime. And then we also got truffle fries. Thin cut fries with house truffle cheese topped with chives and some cheesy tots. Housemade tater tots filled with sharp cheddar and Parmesan. David, what do you think of them sides?

You know, the cheesy tots were the bomb. Right. They were very good. So good. I I made a mistake and took a really big bite of the fries. You know, we got the fries like smothered in. Well, what are we going to? Is that truffle cheese? Truffle cheese.

You know how generally like you have cheese fries and you take like some cheese fries and put it in your mouth and you're like, yummy. Yeah. I took that a normal amount of cheese, but I guess it was like a pretty big glob. And I ate it and it made me want to throw up. And like even for like two hours after the meal, I was like, that cheese is wrong. It tastes that, you know, this is, I think, an issue with things that are truffle

things that are a little too truffly is they kind of almost taste rancid. Yeah. And it was so there's so much truffle in them. Truffle fries. I'm not a big fan of truffle fries to begin with. I just I feel like it's kind of an overdone concept. And and yeah, I like those truffle fries. All right. But I 100 percent agree. It's like they get they get they get to figure out because overall,

I'm going to say this, I'll make it clear right now. It was a much better meal than the last time we went. Yes. The cheesy tots were up. I were were were great. And I feel like I feel like they just they have consistency issues which they became a chain. We talked about this and things go up and down. Right. Courtney Davis said that her cheesy tots were bad.

And then she tried ours and she said, these are much better than mine were. So right. There's obviously some consistency issues. Even within the same dishes at the same location, they're having consistency issues. Yeah, which is not right. I think the chef's been eating too many of those chicken sandwiches, man. Different this time, man. I think instead of using the saute pan, I'm going to put on Cheech and Chong.

So he's not going to cook. He's not going to cook. He's just going to watch a Cheech and Chong movie. Wasn't it Stripe? So wasn't that originally Cheech and Chong movie? I think it was. Isn't that interesting? Thank God it wasn't.

Yeah. You watch it through that prism of like, oh, that these leading roles were originally intended for Cheech and Chong. You know what? Cheech and Chong are just OK. Oh, my God, bitch. Wow. Talking about talking about bombs being dropped this episode. Dangerous.

I like both of them a lot. I like them both as men and as characters. But like, I can't I can't be watching a Cheech and Chong movie. That act is not aged necessarily the best. I mean, it's aged about as well as Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein. You know, it's like, so I'm like, OK, this was a fun thing of its era. But you kind of had to be there. Yeah, Cheech and Chong.

Right. Yeah. Well, here's here's what I want to say. Even even if I was as stoned as Cheech and or Chong, I don't think that I would ever want one of those globs of of the the whatchamacallit fries. Right. What are they? Trouble fries. Trouble fries. But they just have to figure out because I think when they come out hot

and that cheese is kind of spread out evenly, they they are they're pretty good. Yeah. But when that cheese starts glomming up and it gets just it just it just it just stays there. Maybe it's just the amount that they put on that there's there's some equation because I think that I've had bites of that when it's hot and fresh and comes right out that are good. But then like if it's like five or ten minutes into the meal, which, you know, you're sharing stuff, it should it will take it that long. Yeah, I might have eaten all the cheese off of that just in one bite. It was a pretty big bite.

You've got a huge, huge glob of it. Yeah. And that that is just no good. Yeah, I would say that I think part of the issue might be they just need to pick a better melting cheese. I think they're using like an emmental cheese. I can tell exactly what it is. But, you know, sometimes you try like a something that's on the harder edge of a semi soft cheese and it just like when it melts, it kind of just like congeals into what you guys are saying into little globs.

It doesn't distribute itself evenly like something like a more conventional cheese, like a cheddar or a Jackwell. And I think they just need to pick something that that melts a little bit better if they're going to have that over there. Or maybe do you need that cheese? Can you just have a little truffle oil? Just get regular fries. Just if you go get regular fries, honestly, just stay away from those.

Honestly, cheese fries. Yeah, I agree. I actually now you got me think about cheese. I hate it whenever restaurants get funky with cheese. They're like, yeah, I know cheddar is good on a burger, but let's do. I don't know. Fucking Gouda, right? You know, yeah.

I have a Mexican restaurant on our street that does burritos and they use mozzarella cheese. Oh, that's weird. That's bizarre. Why? Why? And they use white beans. So instead of like pinto beans, it's like, oh, I think I know. This place, Hugo's. Yes. Yeah.

They now offer pinto beans, which I'm glad. But like, it's hard to get even a decent. I don't know. Just give me cheddar cheese. Give me that. Give me that. You know, that three blend Mexican. It's a classic. It's a classic for a reason. Or that that that's what's the the the cotilla. Because if you want a more authentic direction, they do have some of that as well.

But yeah, it is. It is a bummer when they try to get a little too clever, a little too cute with it. And then they just end up fucking things up. A lot of times that you go, you make those unconventional choices and it's just going to backfire. Yeah, I think that was never the case of the trouble fries. Cheesy tots, I agree. I do like the I mean, they're just fun to eat and they're pretty big, too, which I like.

Unlike any tater tot I've ever seen. They're like, they are substantial times the size of a tater tot. Yeah, they're massive, which I was thrilled about in there. I was I was very, very happy with the with the cheesy tots, which which I used to like. And they hate they knocked it out of the park for us for Courtney. It was a different story. But I guess think of those dipping sauces. The you know what, I appreciate them, although I only liked the ranch,

which is a jalapeno-ish ranch ranch. And then there's the mustard is what is it's like a Chipotle. Yeah, it has a little heat to it, Chipotle ketchup. Yeah. Yeah. And then there was and then there was a hot. Was that a mustard? There was like a hot like barbecue, like buffalo slash mustard. Right. And then they also hot flavored, I think.

Yes, it surely was just hot flavored. Yeah. There is no other way to describe it. It really was just a hot flavor or whatever. Yeah, it's the default you default wing sauce, basically. The ranch and the ketchup, I like. And then what was that other white sauce? Was it kind of horseradishy?

It was I think it was mayo. It was just straight up mayo. I thought I almost felt like I detected a little bit of of tang to it as beyond a male, but maybe it was just like a housemaid male. Here's my thing, too many sauces. What a nightmare bite that was truffle sauce, weird cheese dipped in that white stuff. Right. Oh, God. Yeah, I think they give you too many of those sauces.

And I think they don't give you any sort of guidelines of like, here's what these are. Like, I'd write, give me, give me. Jesus, you need guidelines for your dipping. I would like to have a little bit of like, hey, here's four sauces that are that aren't necessarily all conventional things you would see. It's not like you're getting an appetizer sampler where you're going to get a little bit of a pico de gallo and a little bit of marinara and a little and a bit of ranch dressing where you know what I'm on site.

I'm we are not. We were ambiguous as to what some of those were. So I think you hold my hand with it a little bit. And also, give me your three best sauces. Don't give me all four to make a cut. You know, I have to say, I appreciated the amount of Chipotle ketchup they gave us. And they and I say in the more the more sauce, the merrier in my mind. I have no problem with sauces.

I actually love sauce like sauce, dressings, stuff to dip stuff in. But if you're going to do sauce in a lot of sauces, at least make one of them good. I didn't like any of the sauces like I've been there four times now. In a month, I'm like, just bring me some Heinz, some Heinz ketchup. Yeah, there's a lot of people who are you're making everything so weird with it. I think what I think I hate the umami part of umami burger. Sure. Like they're and that's pretty muted in the impossible burger. Yeah. So that I mean, and you know, but it's certainly played up

in something like the Trouble Rice. Let's talk about that butter corn real quick. Parmesan master sauce, which again, I'm not really sure soy lime. I'm just recapping what I said earlier. But I thought it was fine, good summer corn. You know, it was good. I liked it. I enjoyed it. It's kind of like a lotte asado they're kind of going for.

It was it was a little bit crispier than than usual. Yeah. This was a game changer because you you said sweet potato fries. And I said, let's get that corn. You overruled me. I overruled you. You kind of actually you made me you made me kind of look like a little bitch in front of the waitress. I certainly shut me down. You knew it, too. Yeah.

She was like, you're like, OK, he's like, he's in charge. I think she's sitting in your spot, you little bitch, as you walked away, which is weird. And then I tipped her more as a result. I thought it was a good move. I like that you were a little bit different. I don't. I look, I went to the street. But I was just like, OK, let's just try them. I wasn't excited. I'm not excited about sweet potato fries.

I think they're kind of boring in general. I think they're kind of played out. Yeah. So I like that you went with a corn and I thought they were they actually yeah, I thought it was pretty good. And also, I want to point out that they they bring you little pickles and beets to start your meal off. Right. I like our teeth up top. Yeah, which is nice. Who cares?

They weren't great, but whatever they were they were good enough. They were pickle. Yeah. I think they were great. Yeah. You know, that's fair, too. Yeah. Hey, we got some broodogs, too. I got myself a Pilsner, which I thought was, you know, fine. I mean, you can't credit to the restaurant too much, but it was a fine draft beer.

Mitch, you got yourself a spiked root beer. That's right. Coney Island spiked root beer. The most childish adult drink you can get. Uh, which was OK. I feel like it's as good as you could probably get from a spiked root beer. Right. I had a taste, Mitch, was nice enough to let me sip on his. You had a little sip, too. Weird drink. And it was like a it was a it tasted just like a root beer

when you first took a swig. Yeah. And then and then it sits on your tongue. And it tastes like molasses or something. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's stuck with much like the the why do I keep forgetting the name truffle truffles? Fucking that stupid truffle. Just think of a chunk from the Goonies.

Why the truffle the truffle shuffle. OK, why is that the truffle shuffle? I don't know. I think they wanted something to rhyme with shuffle and pigs, fine truffles. That's probably what it is. Yeah, they're probably fucked up. It's really mean to a heavy kid. He's now a successful lawyer in Los Angeles. Yeah, a thin lawyer man, a cello, if you ask me.

Yeah, just like that, that truffle. So it just kind of stayed in your it's stuck in your mind. Would you order that again? Would you get a sixer of root beer? I don't think so. I don't know. Well, you know, we were in a little fourth of July-ish type mood. And then I it wasn't worth doing.

It wasn't it wasn't that great. Yeah. Yeah. How'd you like your beer, David? I loved it. I got a sculpin. And it was crisp. I served in a cold glass. Hmm, mommy, take me home. It was really good.

I think they do have a good beer selection there. Yeah, you're someone who's into brew dogs. They got a few, you know, they get some light and dark beers all from different local micro brews, depending on where you live. So I think I was having so much fun. Finished that first beer, me and Mike were chatting about skunks. And then all of a sudden I get this weird feeling, you know, old tired boy, tired boy just like started shutting down.

I was sun downing. You I remember you ordered a pillow from the waitress. And then you you were disappointed it didn't have a mint on it. Oh, man. No, I'm so fat that I like to eat mince. Is that what you're trying to say? Yeah, I know. I really feel like, like, you know, it's like a phenomenon of that.

And I, you know, this is this is a real thing. But with people who have dementia, there's sun downing. When it gets later in the day, they get more disoriented and forgetful. And like, I know that's not what's happening to me. But I do feel like I'm I'm so tired as the sun starts to go down. I'm just sort of like, what's it like? I'm just I have a little hard time following what's going on a little bit. You're in you're on farm time.

You should move to Oklahoma. Oh, man. Shoot frogs for a living. Don't do it, man. You'll regret it every day for the rest of your life. I'm still thinking about bringing some frogs down to that pond and letting them out. I think that's a beautiful sign of restocking it. Nice gesture, nice closing of the circle.

Oh, guys, let's get to our final thoughts on Umami Burger. So David, we'll go around. We'll sort of give our closing argument and then a rating on the order of zero to five for sure. I guess we will start with you. OK, well, you already know, I like it. But how much do I like it? Right.

That burger has kind of changed my life as far as like in every way. Um, not really, um, but it's good. It's really, really good. And I just that burger gets five forks. But that's fair. I know that's not what this is. We are rating the restaurant. So five forks for the burger, five forks for the beer.

Gosh, four forks for the tater tots. I got to say negative one fork for the those French fries just ruined. Wow. Terrible, terrible. Where's the corn? Two, three. Corn was like two, three. I felt like it needed salt.

Yeah. So Umami Burger, like I'm embarrassed because I haven't tried the other burgers and they probably suck if they taste anything like the, you know, the French fries. But because of that burger, four forks. Wow. Wow. Very good score. Go ahead, Mitch.

I'm trying to think of what I gave you, mommy, the last time we did it. I think it was under three. Yeah, probably was like two or something. And I'll be nice on it now. I don't know if it's, you don't, you don't have to be nice on it. No, I say truly the experience was much better. That burger is impressive for real. That's an impressive burger.

And I feel like maybe they're trying to find themselves again. Maybe, maybe, maybe they'll get it together. We want them to pull it together. Right. We're written for everyone. We're written for everybody. And I think that burger is a step in the right direction. I know that some other places have that meat.

It's like a, it's like a weird thing that a couple places have, but not everywhere. It's kind of only a few places. And I think that that's a good step in the right direction because it was, I enjoy like, I was thinking about it when we started this and I was like, I kind of want it again, which I've never felt that way, like ever about a, like a fake meat option. That and like grassiest moderate, right? I feel like those are like the two like vegetarian option places where I'm like, these are good.

Like, like, like I've really enjoyed myself. It's, but it's not a, it's not a vegetarian restaurant. It is a, it is a burger place. Our chicken sandwich, the actual meat we got, not as good. I'd say that was like a three or something, but the tots were good. It did a good job. I think overall I'm going to give it a 3.25 forks. Oh, wow.

Three forks, one time, one time. It's, it's, it's worked its way up. Right. It's definitely not a four fork restaurant for me. I think that burger is a four to five fork burger. It's very, very good. Yes. But it's, it still has a ways to go.

I think you might be, but it's, but it, I was impressed with our visit and encouraging visit. I feel the same way, Mitch. And I think I'm on the same page with you guys, with the impossible burger is the standout and the rest of the menu. You know, I think there were some highs and some lows, but overall the impossible burger has done the impossible. It has made me want to go back to umami burger again.

And you know, this was a place that I'd kind of soured on. And the one time I'd visited after we had done our initial review was because it was kind of in a pinch and was like, well, this is the one place to eat and got, got, you know, a salad that I was kind of disappointed in. But the impossible burger is really good. Like I want to tap, take people there and be like, Hey, you should try this out. This is, this is like, it's a gimmick, but it's a very well executed gimmick. And it also portends the possibility that maybe there could be a meatless

burger, such a solution out there. Also, we like Taco Bell is old gimmicks. We love it. We love gimmicks. Yeah. Gimmicks can be great. Gimmicks can be fantastic. Yeah, great point, Mitch.

So yeah, I mean, the rest of the meal kind of up and down some things that I really like there, I think they do have good judges, just generic fries. And that's the direction I would go. Just keep it simple. The stay away from all the umami stuff is as much as possible, unless you really are craving that specific flavor. Because I think just like the stuff that's a little bit more conventional, you'll just get an upscale, hopefully well prepared, those perhaps inconsistent execution.

But overall, I think I'm in the same ballpark as Mitch. Impossible burger, five forks, overall experience umami burger, three and a half forks, it's coming up in the world. Good job, umami. Yeah. Nice, a nice little redemption tail. Yeah, right? Nick, with that, with that impossible burger, does that make you, would that make

you go, ooh, mommy? Yeah, I think it would. I think actually, I think actually a unprovoked out of nowhere. I might just say, ooh, mommy. Baby wants another bite. Baby wants another bite. Uh-oh. Oh, no.

Baby's got a full dipey dipe. Ooh, mommy, come and change, baby. This is how this is relate to the restaurant. Wipe my bottom up and down. God damn it. Well, hope you enjoy. You mommy's going to be will not like this endorsement. No, I think that's going to be a poll quote on one of their marketing materials.

You know, I feel like if they, if they would wipe your shitty ass, maybe maybe more people would go there. Right. Yeah. Um, I think that there is some issues. Like I do feel like there, like there are less people in the restaurant. They're the use. It's not a draw anymore, for sure.

Yeah. I felt like we went at what we would have expected to be a high volume time and there weren't a lot of people there. Not a ton of people. 5 p.m. I guess maybe not. No, it was six. It was six, okay.

It was six on a holiday weekend early. Yeah, cause I had lunch at three and then I was like, Oh, good. That's right. On the early side, but I, but I still feel like that's like, you know, on a holiday weekend, I feel like people would be going out there, taking them to the happy hour. Perhaps I've never been there with more than like six other tables. But, you know, hopefully the impossible burgers were very, very good.

It's genuinely good. And I would, I would try it even just as a curiosity. And if you're a vegetarian craving a burger, you know, for me, I always feel like the best vegetarian food is like you go to a great Indian place or a great Thai place that's just vegetarian, that that's, that's what they do. And they're not dealing with a lot of meat substitutes, but they're just preparing, you know, traditional dishes that don't tend, don't aren't

intended to have any sort of meat. But if you are craving that specific thing, I think they do it really well. Just make sure that your diaper isn't full. No, I'd occur to see the other guests. That was a Wyoming burger. It's time for a regular segment. We got a food stuff. We're going to decide if it's worth putting in your mouth.

It's snack or whack. Now, David, we've got some candy that is actually vegan. We know you're not just, you're not full on vegan. You're a vegetarian. You were vegan at one point, right? Yeah. Yeah. When, when I first went, you know, I went for it all the way in some loud

crackling sounds, these are the wrappers of these. Look, this used to be one of my favorite. Thank you. One of my favorite candies. So each package is a different flavor, by the way, David. So we, so as a boy, this used to be one of my favorite candies for real. I love these. I love these candies.

Tell us what it is, Mitch. They're Mambas. Mambas. I was a, I was a big Mamba fan as a boy. They, they overtook Starburst for me at one point. They kind of, I feel like they went away and then they, they came back. Right. And I think the packaging is very stiff.

Also, if you don't like chewing noises, these things are, these are chewers. Oh, they're gonna chew his hell. So yeah. But Nick, we got some sour Mambas, which I had never seen before. Yeah. We got some sour ones and some conventional ones, which we can try and contrast.

Those strawberry Mambas are the fucking shit. I love the strawberry Mambas. I don't know that I've ever had a Mamba. I was always Starburst. I've never had a Mamba myself either. And I saw them in Mambas. No. And I saw them.

I saw them in the 7-Eleven and I assumed based on the name that they were perhaps a, they were perhaps a Latin American candy. But then reading on the back, they're actually German in origin. Yes. The Stork Company. The Stork Company from Germany. Nonsour. I got some Nonsours here.

These are chewy as hell. Man, these are really chewy. They are very, they're very, very chewy. Yeah. These would definitely stick in your braces. Did you, did you send me, are these sour as the one you sent? Yeah. Pretty good.

I will say that the packaging within the, once you open up the sour packaging, they're the same. So it's hard to tell which is which. Right. Yeah. Um, I've had the Nonsour raspberry here and I'm also having the Nonsour, is this a peach or is this an orange? Oh, I'm having the sour orange rather.

I'm sorry. Nick, does that sour orange make you say, ooh, mamba? We're going to find out because I haven't put it in my mouth yet. But if you hear me vocalize, ooh, mamba, you will have your eyes. Sure. Thank you. Let's take a bite of this right now. Is that sour?

What is that sour strawberry you just gave me? Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. Ooh, mamba. Ooh, mamba, for sure. Yeah. How's your dipey?

Dipey's, I mean, it's just a little wet, but I think that could just as easily be sweat. Um, this is, this is a, this is good. I mean, it's not aggressively sour. It's like, it's like a little bit of that sour flavor to it, but it's not like that. You know, sometimes you have that sour stuff and it's almost like something you'd eat on a dare. You just like hucker up super duper, um, just have a super strong reaction from it.

Not really the case with this one. This is my amount of sour. I don't like going too crazy. When I was a kid, I'd go nuts. Now I'm a man and I act like it. Yep. Sour, look, sour's for the teens. Okay.

Let them have it in the tweens, honestly. Right. Um, my amount of sour now is like the watermelon sour patch kids. And even those are kind of two sour. Yeah. I've got this, uh, I'm opening up this conventional strawberry here. And there's, there's also a sour strawberry. There is.

Oh, so we have a pretty, pretty strong one to one here. I'm going to contrast these two bad boys. What's reggae to strawberry? This is interesting. So it's kind of a thing where like you have a pack and you get one of these things and it comes three to a pack. And then the, each of the containers contains the same flavor and there's like four to six possibilities.

So it's kind of a grab bag when you're opening them. Like you don't actually know what's, what's going to be inside of it. Once you get that strawberry one, though, you're good to go. Yeah. All right. Let me, I'm cracking into a regular strawberry now. Let's see what this is. Let's see what my reaction is to this one.

Hmm. Um, so wait, when you guys, when it comes to fruit candies in general, are you guys more into fruit or are you more into chocolate? Cause I feel like those are kind of the two varieties, the two, the dividing line for a lot of dessert at a lot of candy aficionados. Honestly, it's been like, I think years since I've eaten fruit candy, right? Like it just does not appeal to me at all. I used to go for the Skittles starburst and I'd eat anything, but now I'm a

chocolate man for sure. How do you feel when those worlds collide and you get that, uh, that chocolate covered fruit? Uh, well, you know, I like, I like orange chocolate. I like that. Oh, that's real good. Orange and chocolate is a great combo. That is a great guy.

You know, I haven't had that in a while. I used to love those Milano's that have a little bit of orange flavor to them. Man, those are great. I like those straight up. I like them. Nope. No fruit flavor added. We've read the mint ones.

Yeah. I don't like them. I like that. I like the plain or double chocolate. I don't like to mix world. I don't like to mix those worlds too much. Right. I gotcha.

Um, boy, both of the strawberries are really strong. The strawberry and the strawberry sour. I mean, I like that. I like a straight up one more, but for it, especially for everyday consumption, but they're both a very, very good execution. So what they're trying to do, I actually brought something for Mitch. I think now might be the time to bust it out. Oh, hell yeah.

All right. David is stepping away from the microphone, especially like that. Something for me and not Nick makes this all the better. It seems like he's pulling out a gun. Oh my God. This is amazing. Mitch is very excited. No, he's actually got something different.

He's got a back massager. He is going to that we talked about on the. Oh my God. Oh man. Yeah. This was something that was supposed to have been brought to the Sizzler for you to try out and you didn't get a chance to try it out. We saw it at the Sizzler Sizzler.

Oh man, that is great. Marissa was going to bring it for her episode. It's a back massager. Is it on right now? It is. Yeah. I'm going to take a pic of you, Mitch. You look, you look insane.

I look hunchback-esque, but it feels, it feels amazing. It feels like there's someone massaging your shoulders, right? Dave, this is what this is a treat. This is my, my favorite episode of Doe Boys. You've got like, it looks like you're in, you're in Luke and Yoda territory right now. Like you got like a little helper over your shoulder. It feels great.

Yeah. It feels great. And Nick, you can't try it. Oh wow. Is this a way, so is it primarily hitting your, so what we kind of have here is it looks like my neck right now, which feels amazing. It kind of looks like a backpack with it, except like it's kind of like the spanny pack-esque bulge that's just over your neck.

And it's, are you sure you're just not seeing the bulge on my neck? No, I know that one well. And it's really, it looks like it's really work. I can really see the motors like turning inside of it as it's, it's really looks like it's really working. It was like deal at Costco. Is that right? Yeah.

We got it for like nothing, like 90 bucks or something. It's worth it. Damn. Yeah, actually, we got it for both of our dads, like for Father's Day. Oh, that's a great dad gift and they love it. Yeah. This is not sponsored content, but you should go and get one of these. This is great.

Yeah. He sold out at Costco. We had to go online. Wow. Oh my God. Yeah. I can see why. This is amazing.

Anybody who tries it, it's just like turns into butter. Wait, so is this a gift for Mitch or do you just bring this over for him to try? Oh, this is just a trial moment. Okay. I'm going to eat that snack. Don't get too cozy with that. All right. I'm going to be mean that tonight.

So what do you guys think of this mamba snack or whack? Yeah. I mean, for me, it's whack, but it's definitely a snack. Yeah, I guess that's kind of the I think I'm the same sort of thing. I would never really kind of eat this sort of fruit candy on my own anymore. But for what it's doing, I think it's definitely a snack. I'm going to say sour mambas are a snack. And then regular mambas go into the Hall of Snack.

Wow. A new thing. Can you do that? Just one person? Does Weigar have to have something? Weigar, do you accept? Do I accept it going into the Hall of Snack? Yes.

Sure. So the new rule is that if we want to put a snack into the Hall of Snack, then we have this. We just say nominated you nominated. And then if no one objects, it's it's it's in the clear. Can I object? Yes. Yeah.

Wow. A little bit of power. I love it. OK, I'll allow it. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. I don't know why I'm excited. I don't care.

It's in the first member of the hall. Mambas are good. I think they're good, but Hall of Fame, Snack Hall of Fame. Well, there's others like that might you might throw an Oreo in there. But well, we haven't reviewed them. But others will join the Hall of Snack. In fact, I'll say right now, golden Oreos are in the Hall of Snack. Does anyone object?

No, because I like them too. But we have to be having to try them here. We'll just say we'll say for this first one, we each get to get something initially into the Hall of Hall of Snack. We get to nominate. We get to nominate something initially for the Hall of Snack, just so it's not empty. What do you think, David?

Anything you want to throw in there? Wow. Yes, fried frog legs. I'm sorry. I say as I'm using your massage, neck massage. Oh, how about a granny Smith apple? Get that the fuck out of here. No way.

I don't know apples in my Hall of Snack. But what, too sour? It's an apple. If you said candy, the apple, he might have had a chance. I did it on time. Nice try. Get out of here, granny Smith. You're just a dumb apple.

Try dripping some caramel on yourself. Fucking loser. Maybe bake yourself into a pie or stop wasting my fucking time. What? Do you have another nomination? Well, I. Something savory, perhaps. We got two sweet treats in there right now.

What am I digging on these days? You're a chip man. You know, you cracker guy. Oh, my God. You know, Marissa's been bringing those freaking pickle chips. I think she talked about it on the on the podcast last time. You're in here. He's not going to.

He if you nominate those, he's going to say no, I can. I'm looking. I nominate the pickle chips that my wife loves and I too love. I'm not going to object. We can allow those. They're in there. Wow. That was a lot of fun.

OK, the Hall of Snack is up. The Hall of Snack is up and working. Wow. Get out online to check it out. Hall of Snack dot TV. Just like a restaurant, we buy your feedback. Let's upload the feedback. Today's email comes to us from Annie in Portland,

a.k.a. at crying cool on Twitter. Annie writes, how long would a single noodle have to be in order to fill you up? Huh. Kind of a puzzle here. We don't get a lot of puzzles in the feedback, but I like it. I love that. David, do you want to take a shot at this?

I wish we could all be looking at like a long noodle and like how long do you think that noodle is? Yeah, you just keep it. Someone keeps on rolling it out until you say stop. I have an answer. Yeah. But I'll wait. I want you can you can go first.

But I have an answer. Is this like a fettuccine noodle or a spaghetti noodle or doesn't specify. OK, we I was assuming like a ramen or a fun noodle. That's what I thought of it. I thought of like a big noodle soup. But yeah, it could it could very easily be a ramen or a or a I'm sorry. It could very easily be a fettuccine or spaghetti. Did you say something about like an Asian noodle?

No, just single. For me, I that when I think any of the of a bowl of noodles, that's what that evoked. I thought of some sort of super noodles. I instantly think of Italian noodles. Mitch. Hmm. When I think of noodles, I usually think of. A talent.

But you know what? I agree with you like a noodle to me because it would be Italian. But then I always also will call that pasta. I would just say pasta. Right. So that's right. But I agree with you in my mind. I was and I have an answer for it. Yeah, I don't think it changes it that much.

What type of noodle it is? What do you what do you what do you prefer? What do I prefer? Do you prefer an Asian noodle or prefer an Italian noodle? I say these days, I generally prefer the kind of noodles that Marco Polo discovered, not the type of noodles that Marco Polo's people later perfected. Jesus, why do you have to talk in fucking riddles, too?

I know I like I like and I say probably have more Asian noodles than I have that I have. I like pasta a lot, but I have more Asian noodles than pasta. There's something that's more rice based versus something that's more flour based. I think I generally prefer. I am always Italian food. It's my favorite food.

They're both good. You know, there's no losers there. There's no losers. Yeah. My answer is the noodle would have to be as long as it takes to fill up a decent sized bowl. And I feel like that's kind of a cop out. I have to say feet or something. We're so excited to tell us that.

Like it was like like a clever answer early. I've got mine a bowl full. Yeah, that's it. She asked how long, Mitch. Well, technically, you've bested the riddle. Like I think that's what you're hoping for. You're open. So you're going to sneak past the sultan.

Yes. Yeah. Fine. Eighteen feet. Eighteen feet. That feels too long for me, but it could be right. I was actually going to say 15 yards, 15 yards. That's even longer. That's how long is that? Forty-five feet. Forty-five feet.

No, no, I was going to say. Wait, I was going to say five yards. Five yards. So 15 feet. Fifteen feet. Fifteen feet. Yeah. And maybe you guys are right. I'm trying to think. Like what's an average?

What's an average noodle? Like a foot long? Wait, five yards is that's right. It's 15 feet. Three yards is a foot. Three yards. Yes. Right. No, three feet. Three feet is a yard.

Three feet is a yard. Yes. OK. Yes. So it is. It is 15 feet. So this is like I'm holding my hands up here. I think I'm holding this is probably like a foot, a foot and a half length, right? That's 12 inches. This is probably about 12 inches. Let me let me just put it against my dick to compare.

He's taking his dick out. All right. Yeah. No, it's about it's about 12 times the length of my dick. So I think we're in that ballpark. No, I think this is about a summertime day. You know, it's long. Oh, hell yeah. No, this is a I think this is about like

so that's like an average noodle, right? Like about about a foot, foot and a half. So how many noodles would you say are in some sort of like a hundred noodles? Would you say you eat that many in a dish? Probably. Maybe I'd say right around 89. 89. 89 noodles. So that means 89 feet, 89 feet of no. My guess is going to I was going to go lower than you.

You said 18 feet, you said 15 feet. My my initial guess, I was going to say like 10 to 12 feet. But now I think we might be under shooting. I think it might be like 30 to 50 feet. I guess I mean, you have to take sauce and protein into account. But if you're just eating plain noodles, I would say I would say I'm going to say 60 feet, 60 feet. It seems like a lot, but maybe it's right.

But maybe that's right. And then also 60 feet. And then, hey, if I have some leftovers, no big deal. If I don't eat all of the noodle, I'm fine. I'll bite it. Yeah. Why not? Why not overshoot it? And then you can keep the leftovers. So it has to be one noodle.

So I start and then I like start sucking it in and it just is continually coming into my mouth. Well, there's no contingency on how you have to consume it. I imagine you could dice it up if you wanted to. It's just saying like, how long would a single noodle be to fill you up? Here, we've got your answers. You say 15. You say, no, you say, 60.

Sorry. Yeah, I got to change mind. Oh, boy. So 20 yards. So you're going to say 60 feet. Tom Brady drops back, hits element in the middle. 20 our game. 20 noodle rate. Yeah.

He hits, he hits him for the length of what it would take to eat beefs filled on one noodle. Yeah. So, so wait, hold on. You're going, you're guys are both going 60 feet. I'm going to undershoot you a little bit. I'm going to say 45 feet. But I think it's probably it's probably a lot more than you think. This is a good question.

If anyone has the answer, fuck, what's a hashtag we should use for this hashtag? Noodle length challenge, noodle length challenge, hashtag noodle length challenge, know your noodles. Oh, that's good. Hashtag know your noodles. If you are, use your noodle. Oh, there you go.

Hashtag use your noodle. OK, so scratch the other two. Hashtag use your noodle. If you have an answer for how long a single noodle would have to be in order to fill you up, use your noodle, user noodle, user noodle, hashtag user noodle. This is going to be confusing. It's already a confusing question.

This isn't this is dough boys, not math boys. And that's true. This is like I brought the yards into it, just trying to get to that football analogy. I like I like the I like. Well, you like Tom Brady. I like Tom Brady. I like Tom Brady. We both we. Yes, you guys were in an ad with them.

Yeah, we are both very, very cool. We were both Tom Brady. So we're Brady boys, Dave, Dave Ferguson. I want to know I want to know what you thought about him. We I don't know what you thought about Dave Ferguson. No, everyone likes Dave Ferguson. Oh, that seems like maybe Weigert doesn't like Dave. No, he's a great guy. He's a good guy.

He's a good guy. I wasn't trying to say that in a dismissive way. I was going to say that. It's like he's a good guy. I was trying to like just to back everyone up. The Ferguson Weigert beef has begun. Wait a minute. There's no beef here. I don't need sort of beef with.

Weigert's so sick of people talking about Dave Ferguson. He's so nice. He's so funny and nice and cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know. I want to be the boring white guy says Nick. Can we start the blandest beef in Hollywood? Can we throw Joe Saunders in there? You versus you, Dave Ferguson and Joe Saunders.

Three of the same guy. Yeah. Yeah. But what are you saying about Tom Brady? You guys met Tom Brady. We but we you were in the original video. I Dave Ferguson basically got me into the extra video when you were shooting like the main. Dave was shooting like the real deal main video.

And then Dave Ferguson is like, we got like bonus content video. And I was Tom Brady's super fan. Right. A lot of times with these branded shoots, they'll try to be like, OK, we've got the celebrity for six hours. Let's try to get two or three videos out of them. And they'll do it in the guise of like, we've got some BTS thing that we're going to shoot in addition to the main thing.

And Dave, you were you were in like a like you were you were in the scene with him. And then annoyingly in between takes is basically when we had to shoot this behind the scenes video. So it's that sort of thing of like this guy, Tom Brady comes to set, you know, probably doesn't want to do it at all. Anyways, right. And then is there and then like in between takes, it's like, hi, can you now shoot like our like behind the scenes super fan video?

And Dave Ferguson introduced me just as a fan at first. And I like went up to him in character and told him a story about how one of my friends, a girl who I want to her name left panties on his doorstep when he lived in Quincy, which is true. And I was like, do you still have them? And he pulled them out of his pocket. He was a deep sniff and said, you're damn right. He he was so not into what I like.

He was so like immediately I was like, Oh, Dave, I should have just met him and told him I was going to be like a weird character for the rest of the day. So I was like immediately was like, this guy does not like me. Then we were shooting stuff in between. I caught the pass from him, which is I was one of the worst football players in history. So I caught a pass from Tom Brady, though.

Very cool. And I was very excited for real. And I spiked the football and I pretended to hump the ground. I mean, I did hump the ground. I pretend to have sex with the ground. And Brady was like, and he very much liked that. Pretended to hump the ground. And then from then on, he was like, Mitch and he signed my jersey. And he said, like, you're the man.

And he wrote that on my and we got on great. But he was a member looking over during that shoot. And Mitch was just like constantly humping the ground. It was like something like he kept Tom kept pointing at the ground. Right. I hear what they were saying. But he's like, do it again. Hey, play the hits. He was he was I think the way that I would describe him.

I love him, obviously. He felt very much like America's high school quarter. If America was a high school, he was the quarterback. He was as nice as Brian Blue, which was our star quarterback at the North High School. Like just like a super nice, really strong, great athlete, like Christian man. I don't know if Tom Brady is a Christian man, but he's just like,

you know, he's like a similar vibe or something. Right. Just real normal, dude. That's a yeah, that's a different sort of guy. The sort of very religious star athlete is kind of a different cat than the guy that kind of like jock asshole. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if he's like Tom Tebow style. I don't even know what his Tim Tebow, Tom Tebow.

They're all Tom's. They're all Tom's and Tim's. I thought I thought it was very nice. I mean, maybe not a guy that you and I would hang around with or something like that. Definitely not. But but yeah, very, very, very nice. I mean, he also had like kind of like handlers that were around him that were like, I would say like less cool. Like his guys that were with him were like maybe less cool than he was.

That's their job. That's right. That is that is their job. To be fair, that is their job. Right. And I got a bunch of free under armor stuff that was sized for Tom Brady. Oh my God, I got two pairs of under armor shoes that did not fit. Yes. Needless to say, nothing, nothing fit at all. And I wore them anyway, baby. Those are free. I also had a basketball from the Simpsons because I thought of like like they bring stuff for him to sign for a bit and I had a basketball from the

Simpsons that Conan and Craig Daniels, it was their basketball. They signed it for real. Whoa. And so Tom Brady signed that basketball, too. So I have this weird basketball that Conan and Tom Brady and Greg Daniels and someone else has signed in my in my Mike Mitchell. In a closet somewhere. Yeah, I think it was me. And then they did a sequel. Oh, yeah, I was not there.

I think Tom didn't want me back on set for a sequel. I think he was done with me after that point. Did they ask and he said no? Probably. How do you know if it even got to him, though? Because a lot of times it'll go like go to a rep and the rep will be like, no, last time you guys did this extra shoot that we didn't prove. So we want to make sure he's only doing this much. Oh, a hundred percent. That's what it was.

And also it wasn't I don't know if they were I don't know if they were hit. I don't know. Was it was it in the graveyard? Was it in funnier days? Graveyard didn't go in the crypt. You know, the crypt. The first one did really well. The first one did very, very well. Yeah, like a million hit branded hit.

Yeah, guys, branded content. It's what we live for. Absolutely. If you have that branded content, check out go. If you're online, check out some branded content. If, by the way, this massager has been working well the whole time. And I I'm not embarrassed to say I've been rock hard for 10 minutes.

It might have been the Brady stuff. Yeah, I might have been the Brady stuff combination. If you have a question or comment, I'm probably the mambas, too. If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at doughboyspodcast.com to get the doughboys double our weekly bonus episode. Subscribe at patreon.com slash doughboys. David Nier, thank you so much for joining us.

Wonderful guest. A wonderful first appearance on our podcast or on any podcast. Yeah, God bless you. So exciting. Thank you. God bless us. Hey, until all those pods listen and book them up, baby. Book this guy. I am available for podcasts.

Hashtag Catfish Navy. Get a campaign to get this guy on Marin. David, do you have anything you would like to plug at this time? No. You know, a Twitter handle or anything? Oh, no. I do Instagram. Oh, you do Instagram? OK. Yeah, yeah, my wife and I, we remodel our house.

You guys are crazy at that. I'm I'm balls deep in a new pantry project right now. Oh, man, I come in some shells. Dave, I give you credit because you're most comedians can't even like handle a hammer. Right. And you're you're doing this stuff all on your own. It's very handy. Yeah, yeah, really going for it. You know, we'll check that out.

Wait, do you have it? Well, it's it's, you know, it's also funny. You know, we like to have a good time. But I think it's my name, David Neera. Yeah, check that out. Yeah, get it out. That over this episode of No Boys. No, next time for the Spoonman, Mike Mitchell, I'm Nick Weigar. Happy eating. See you.