Doughboys - Umami Burger with Heather Anne Campbell

Episode Date: July 2, 2015

Mitch and Wiger survey upstart chain Umami Burger with Whose Line is it Anyway's Heather Anne Campbell.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Three syllables that together form a Japanese word derived from merging the Kanji characters for beautiful and taste. This fifth flavor, added to the traditional array of sweet, sour, bitter, and salty and founded foods like soy and tuna, was first discovered in Japan back in the early 20th century, and eventually traveled across the ocean and into the American consciousness. And so, in 2009, a Los Angeles wine merchant named Adam Fleishman opened a new burger restaurant in the city's La Brea neighborhood. Featuring a signature burger that amplifies the natural umami in ingredients like beef,

parmesan, and mushrooms, the joint became a local hit, and six years later has expanded into a chain with two dozen locations across four states. Is this upstart SoCal creation on its way to becoming the next California pizza kitchen? Or is it just a trend faded to be memorialized on an I Love the 2010 style nostalgia show? This week on Doughboys, Umami Burger. Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Nick Weiger, alongside my co-host, Mike Mitchell. Hi, Mitch.

Hey, Nick. How are you? Oh, I'm great. And it's the Spoon Man, remember? The Spoon Man, yes. Wait, is that the nickname? Is it Spoon Man? Yeah, Spoon Man.

All right, fine. I'm here with the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. Burger Boy? I don't know. I don't like that. I don't want to be Burger Boy. I think people should tweet to tell us what your nickname is, because I gave you little wigs in Burger Boy, and you seem not to like either of them.

I don't think either of them are going to take now. I'm not a fan. How's your week been? Good. I went to the dentist today. Didn't you go to the dentist last time? Oh, wait, this is a follow-up visit. This is a follow-up visit.

I got a filling. I had a cavity. I got a filling. Dr. Frank Toonsy, who sounds like a dentist out of the Roger Rabbit universe, he did a great job. Because of Toon? Yeah. Okay.

All right. All right. It's a little bit of a stretch. A little bit. Dr. Frank Toonsy filled up my cavity. It was great. And then I went outside, and my car didn't start, so I had to – yeah, that was kind of a bummer.

I had a swollen face, kind of, and it was numb, and I had to call AAA and start AAA again, and then they came, and they jump-started my car, and my battery wasn't even dead. I don't know what's going on. But we could be carpooling soon with Doughboyz. Sure. We live in opposite sides of the town, but we can make it work. Hey, Seinfeld does it. He does a show about carpooling and talking about stuff.

Okay. He's referencing his web series, Committees and Car Getting Coffee. I thought you were talking about Seinfeld the show for a second, and I was like, I guess they carpooled for a couple of sets. Seinfeld the show doesn't take place in a car? No. Every episode I saw was in a car. Let's introduce our guests.

You know, are from many, many places, including who's line is it anyway, Fox's ADHD, the very funny person, and our good friend Heather Ann Campbell. Hi, Heather. Hi, guys. Welcome to the show. Thanks for being here. Yeah, this is fun. We can add this out.

It's not something you want to talk about, but you're hungover currently, correct? Yeah, I'm hungover. I did a show last night and people drank with me at the bar next door, and that was, so now I'm a little hungover. Okay. But I'm all right. You're hanging in there. Yeah, I don't think it's...

You seem cogent. You don't seem hungover. When we saw each other today, you said, oh, I'm super hungover, and then I haven't noticed any sort of hungover effects as you're... I'm holding my head right now. I'm just... Oh, man. I'm holding my head.

And you have to talk to us, too. I'm sorry that you're here. That's great. Do you have any... Go ahead, Mitch, sorry. I was just going to say, you get bad hangovers, good hangovers, or...? Well, I guess there's no good hangover, but... Well, the problem is I didn't really eat yesterday.

I mean, I went to one of my favorite non-chain restaurants, Little Fork, and had a sort of a light dinner, but it was the only time I ate yesterday. Gotcha. So, like, I just didn't have enough calories in my body before I started putting tequila in it, and now I'm a little hungover. I had that in... I was in New York recently, and I was... Like, my job had finished, I was working over there.

My job had finished, and I was going to a bar, but it was a little late, and I got in there, and they closed their kitchen, so I was like, I got to eat something. So, I went to the bodega next door, and then I ended up eating for dinner like two string cheeses and a cupcake, and then afterwards I went in, and I got drunk, and then just the next morning, I just felt like shit and was completely... I mean, I'm already useless at work, but I was extra useless that next day, because I just didn't have any food in my body. What do you do...

Like, what... When you have a hangover, do you have any food cravings in particular, or...? Well, I was craving a vanilla milkshake, so I had a vanilla milkshake, which I haven't had in... I can't remember the last time I had a milkshake, but for some reason, my body was like, milkshake, milkshake, have a milkshake, and it was great while I was having it, but the remedy only lasted for as long as the milkshake lasted, and now I feel bad again. Oh, man.

The dairy is such a... Because I love pizza, but a big greasy cheese pizza will help me with the hangover, but I stay away from any meat. I used to do a cheeseburger or something, but a milkshake is different to me. It's interesting. I hadn't... I don't normally crave a milkshake when I'm hungover, so I was like, well, there must be something in it that my body needs.

Sure. Yeah. I think it was just the coldness. Yes. Really dense coldness. When I'm hungover that I want just to be cold more than anything on earth, like I want... Back when I was in New England, I'd walk outside in the winter, and if I was hungover and just try to cool down, I hate when it's too warm.

I want a cool external temperature, but a warm internal temperature, so I'll find myself sometimes I'm hungover, I'll take a cup of coffee, and then I'll go out on my porch. And just have the cool morning air while I'm sipping my hot cup of joe. That usually works for whatever reason. And you get hangovers pretty much every day. A serious drinking problem. Well, Heather, we came to you and we asked you to be on the podcast. You were gracious enough to give us your time, and we asked you for what chain restaurant

you wanted to do, and you had an interesting pip... Pip. An interesting pip. An interesting pip. An interesting pick in Umami Burger, which is... Like I said in my intro, this is a burgeoning sort of chain. This is a little bit of a new player on the scene. What was your...

What was motivating the choice of that for this discussion? Well, I'd been in a long time since I went to Umami, and I was like, I wonder if this is good, or if... I guess it had been years, I think, since I went to Umami last. And kind of... I feel like the place rose up during that fancy burger craze of the mid-2000s. Like where all of these fancy burger places were starting. And then, yeah, so I was like, I wonder if it's still good.

And I went and I was a little bit disappointed. Me too. Interesting. Yeah. I was too, actually. It's... Yeah, now we're... This is...

I think that this is fascinating to me. I don't know about the average human, but just to get into burger talk and kind of... Umami is... There's a lot of different things in California. It's fancy burger. It's kind of like a foodie thing. And also, it's becoming a chain. It's becoming something bigger.

And does the quality stay the same level? I don't even know. Was it even ever that great? And we'll talk about that for sure. Am I crazier? Did they used to have like big, huge square French fries? I think that they did, yes. That they'd stack like Lincoln longs.

Yes. Yeah, because now they only have... Skinny fries. Skinny fries. Skinny fries without looking at the menu. And she's like, we don't have those. We don't have those. Wow.

And I was like, really? I thought that was the thing. Like four... It was like four or five French fries and your burger. They have cheesy tots, which is an off menu thing that are like tater tots kind of that have cheese inside of them. And I got some of those, but I agree with you. I thought there was always thicker cut fries, but that's the thing.

I mean, it started because it started as one restaurant, right? You mommy was just one restaurant. Yeah, there was one of them and then they expanded. I feel a little out of my depth at this point, I should say, because this was... I went to a mommy burger this week and this was my maiden voyage. I knew it was an LA institution, but I'd just never been to it. And when you brought this idea to us, we had a little bit of discussion as to, well, does this fit for the podcast because it's about chain restaurants and then we did a little

bit of investigation. Yeah, we had like a big round table. It was like the Supreme Court deliberating Brown versus Board of Education. But more important. But we looked into it and we looked at the website and there are like, yeah, there are like 25 umami burgers now and there's ones in New York, there's ones in Illinois. I think there's ones in Vegas. So it's become...

They're trying to make it a bigger thing, but I guess with that expansion, does this... The decline in quality inevitably comes. And I guess that's maybe what you guys are experiencing based on your recent trips, for example. There was one... There's a new umami, I think, in the valley that has a celebrity chef burger. Like they cycle one fancy burger per month or something. And that was the last time I had gone was to that one and had their fancy stupid burger.

I kind of like that. That's kind of cool. It was gross. I don't even remember what was on it. It was so gross and I was like, well, I've wasted my burger. Is it designed by a celebrity chef or just a celebrity because that could be the issue? No, it's a celebrity chef. Okay.

It was like... I don't even remember what was on it. It was a bunch of weirdo ingredients that you're supposed to bite in and be like, oh, wow, this is a great combination and stuff. Made by Mario Lopez. Yeah. Well, I want to ask you guys, what do you think of the whole burger craze in general? I mean, is that still a thing that's going...

I think it is, kind of, right? People still will always love burgers. But specifically, higher-end burgers is what we're talking about. Higher-end burgers, yeah. Here in LA, I feel like it's being supplanted by the ramen chain restaurant stuff. Uh-huh. Yeah. I think you're right.

I feel like there's a new place called Plan Check. I don't know if you guys have been to this, but this is local and it's a guy who actually worked at Umami, I believe, and he kind of went off and did his own thing. I've eaten at Plan Check and it's really great, but besides Plan Check, I'm like, oh, I don't really see any burger places popping up anymore. Nope. And even Plan Check, and I think there's three of them in LA, one in downtown, one in Mid City, one over in West LA.

Even that, they've got burgers on the menu, but they've also got a... It's a pretty diverse menu. They've got, like, you know, you can get a pork loin or they've got some higher-end entrees that aren't your typical sandwiches. It's not like Umami burger, which is Umami burger is pretty much exclusively a burger concept. Right. They've got burger salads and sides, and that's it.

I think one tuna sandwich and one veggie burger made out of black beans. Yeah, and they used to have, like, a pork burger, too, but they didn't even have that yesterday. Oh, man, that was the patty on my celebrity chef. It was pork. Yeah, it was terrible. Oh, God, it's so bad. The last time I had it, it was awful, too, and the last time before that I had it was

good. But what do you think about, does a burger have to be beef to you? What is a burger? I don't think the protein is what determines whether a burger is a burger. I mean, I think a veggie burger is a burger. I think a turkey burger is a burger. I think it involves some sort of ground protein, ground seasoned protein that's grilled or sauteed or broiled, however you end up cooking that burger meat.

But I think that between some sort of bread, and I'm not even super picky on it being a bun. I feel like it can be, I feel like any sort of bread or any sort of, even a lettuce wrap, that's still a burger to me. Yeah. I had mine lettuce wrapped. Oh, really? Okay.

Yeah. Let's dig into what we had on our last visit. So, Heather, you went recently, what did you have when you went to Umami Burger? I had the Cali burger, which is butter lettuce, roasted tomato, caramelized onions, house spread, and house Cali cheese. And I had that lettuce wrapped with the small french fries, the thin ones, and small. It was a small order of thin french fries. Gotcha.

They have the thin fries, and it looks like they have a sweet potato fries. Sweet potato fries now, yeah. What did you think overall? I was disappointed. I was just like, I remembered the first time I went to Umami, it was kind of an experience. And this time I was like, this is runny, it's like the tomatoes were kind of gross, and the atmosphere was bad. I don't know.

Yes. One other weird part about that place is like, I went with Jack Allison, who's my roommate. A friend of the podcast, Jack Allison from our Taco Bell episode. Yeah, friend of the podcast, yeah, I guess so. And we were like, what is even there, what is this place? It's like a big empty hangar or something. What are they even trying to do? It felt like it was trying to be hip a few years ago, and maybe it was, but I don't really

understand what's going on there now. I just don't even get what Umami is. The flavor? You mean the corporate identity? The corporate identity, okay. The flavor I kind of get, I probably still don't even really know that that well, but because they also try to keep it a little mysterious, I feel like Umami is like, it's the fifth, it's like the fifth sense.

I remember it used to be on their menu, it's like, it's another taste or something, and then I ate the Umami burger and was like, I don't like it this much. Their logo is like lips, but also a burger, right? I find the logo a little unsettling. It's basically, it's a red logo that is doubling as, it's like one of those magic eye things where you see either the two women's faces or the lamp or whatever, you know, you look at something and you look at it two ways. That's not what a magic eye is.

I'm sorry, optical illusion? This is how the category fits into. Magic eye is the one where it looks like a bunch of weird colored static, and then if you stare at it long enough, like a boat comes out of it, right? An actual boat comes out. It's always a boat. So yeah, they've got, and the logo, and it looks like both a burger and lips at once, like you were saying, which is just like, wait, I don't know, I don't want to look at

something that's like, I can eat this, but then also is on my face. It just, it's a weird message that it's sending. Yeah, I don't want to look at lip, but like, it's weird. Lips are, when I'm going to a restaurant, I want to think about lips for whatever reason. Well then it's also like I'm thinking about eating lips, which to me, it just seems really disgusting. Maybe that's, it's the owner. And they're mouth, they're mouth shaping to make it look like a burger.

Yeah. So it's like an animal's lips. See, I also loved, so the first time I ever went to it was, it was the, like you said, I think mid-2000, early the first half of the decade or whatever, maybe 2006 or 7. It wouldn't have been that early. It opened in 2009. Oh, well, it was definitely 2009. And Matt Selman, who was a writer at the Simpsons, he was like a foodie guy.

And I remember he just left the Umami page open on one of the computers at the Simpsons. And this is like also when I was like trying to get, like I was becoming more of a, I hate that term foodie or whatever, but I was trying to like experience cool, different restaurants or whatever. And he just left this page open and I was like, oh, this place looks cool. And it was right by my house where I used to live off the Miracle Mile. And I went there and it was also really weird that I was snooping around like a little PA that found this webpage and then went to this place.

Like that's bizarre for it to motivate. He didn't even tell me about it. Like I just truly found it and went and I got the Umami burger and I didn't like the Umami burger at all because I don't like the Umami taste or whatever. I know it's like kind of like an Asian flavor, right? Is that, is that what it is? Well, it is. I mean, it's commonly associated with Asian cuisine, I think, because you get a lot of

it in soy sauce. Oh, okay. I love that that's how you discover the Umami burger is kind of like the like world's lamest version of all the president's men, suing on your boss's computer, decide to go eat somewhere. It was like that when Umami first came out, it was like when the counter was there, was opening and the habit was opening like there was like a bunch of different burger places and there was like, what's it, 419 or something or 515?

What is that place? I know what you're talking about. Oh yeah, I know what you're talking about. There's some number associated with a burger restaurant. Yeah. Yeah, the counter is really like, that's really blossom. There are a lot of counters now. And I think the counter has actually stated a pretty good level of quality as it's expanded.

I don't know if you guys have been there recently, but I've been a couple times this year and I'm like, oh, this is still the counter I kind of remember. Is the counter a California chain as well? I believe it's another one that originated in California, but now you go and there's like one in Times Square. They're kind of all over the place. Yeah, and the counter, if you aren't familiar with the counter, their whole thing is you've had ultra-customizability with your burger.

So you're basically handed a sheet with a bunch of stuff and then you just check off all the protein, the cheese, the toppings, everything you want on your burger and they'll bring it out to you. I feel like Juicy Burger might have been the last of that line of burgers and fancy burger places. Yes, at least the ones that were trying to be something bigger. So after I had that, you know, Mommy Burger was like, this is disgusting. I had the SoCal burger and I loved it.

And you, Mommy, was like maybe one of my favorite burger places for a year or two there. I really loved it, but that's the big question because if you're going to stay one great restaurant and you keep that quality forever, like we were saying, or do you spread your wings and try to go everywhere? Because I feel like the counter too reminds me of Fat Burger or something now. It's nothing really special. If I wanted someone to be like a cool burger place, I'd probably not go to you, Mommy even. It is really interesting to hear this because I didn't have the previous point of reference

of like, oh, what this used to be and then hearing now that this is kind of precipitously declined is interesting. I think just to return to Mommy's corporate identity real quick, you know, from looking at their website and everything and what I'd heard of it, I was sort of like, okay, this is going to be like a cool, chill place where their whole thing is they're kind of sleek and then we went to the Santa Monica location and it's like tucked away behind the Fred Siegel store. So it's kind of in like a cool, like hidden location.

But then we went inside and we're seated and it's got things like it had a mousse mounted on the wall that was wearing sunglasses, like a kind of thing you would see in like a TGI Fridays or a chill season. I'm like, what is this doing here? I think this isn't cool at all. First of all, I think that's super really cool. Your uncle is like, check that thing out. Your uncle gives you a birthday card that has a picture of that on the front of it.

I think that's particular to the Fred Siegel location. Okay. They don't have that, like the one in Silver Lake, it's just like Edison bulbs and exposed beams and metal and stuff, not fucking mousse with sunglasses. I may be misidentifying the animal, but it was something like a mousse. Was it just a man sitting in his wits on glasses on? Why is that man looking at me so strangely? Yeah. And then also too, about the atmosphere, like that the playlist there was just all

like top 40, 80s and 90s songs, which isn't what I, you know, like we heard a Toto's Africa and I think in the air tonight, you know, like things that that that you wouldn't expect from a place that was like, oh, this is like a cool Silver Lake hangout. This is going to have some cooler music that maybe I haven't even heard of. But certainly it feels like they're going more for a broad appeal now. Yeah. I don't get it. Like if there was a mousse head with sunglasses in every restaurant, it would make more sense to me. I don't understand what they're going for, which is the weirdest thing of all.

Like I feel like it's supposed to be cool, but I don't really know why it's supposed to be cool. And that stuff doesn't usually matter to me like it doesn't. But it is a place that's blossoming into this chain of sorts. And I'm like, what's what are what are you guys? I it's it's kind of baffling. I don't I don't get it. I feel bad like they're going to listen to this and get like really sad. They probably will. I actually I feel I feel really bad.

But I was thinking about this beforehand because on the show, like I gave Chili's four forks out of five forks. And it's that sort of thing of like, well, I got to I got to rank a restaurant on on what it's supposed to be and kind of I take into account some some past history, which I will for you, mommy, too. But it's it's that sort of thing of like it's still good. It's not you mommy's not bad. It's not it's not the burger is still decent.

It's just the quality has definitely dipped. I just don't know what is even going on there. Like what is even their plan or and also it's easy to kind of like should give a place a little bit more of a hard time when it when it does make that move to be like, we're going to be global. You know, like that it's it's that sellouty move as as as we say. But like I just don't I don't get what they are like. I get I get Chipotle.

I get all like all these places that have become huge chains. I don't get you mommy as much. And it's yeah, it feels a little the corporate identity feels a little confused right now. It's also to I feel like umami burger as a concept. It's a little gimmicky for something where OK, if their goal is we're going to be so we're going to broaden our appeal and we're going to expand wildly. And we're going to be like I said, the intro of the next California pizza kitchen, we're going to be the kind of thing where

there are 300 locations in the US and you go to an airport airport kiosk or you go to a stadium and there's a mini version of umami burger there. If that's their goal, it feels like basing something solely around the idea of umami. Everything is going to have this very troughly umami forward flavor. Might be a little tricky. Yes, I 100 percent agree. It's everything I ate tasted too much like truffle oil for one. And and two, yeah, it's it's like being like the like mushroom pizza cafe or something.

Yeah, it's really it's strange. It's it's so specific. And a lot of people have been like, like, oh, it's like like what Sriracha or something is like this kind of like trend that in a few years and we were we were saying the other day, like might Jack in the box have like a umami burger in in the you know what I mean? Like in the next couple of years, I think that's the eighth different way you've pronounced umami today. You guys are all you saw that the whole time.

Eighth time. What were you saying, Heather? I feel I feel like Jack in the box is the one. No, Carl's Jr. is the one that's going to have the umami burger because they do whatever the fuck they want. Yeah. So I feel like if anybody's going to try to throw an umami burger on their menu, it would be Carl's Jr.

Oh, yeah, I could and there will be some poor lady eating it on a car at some point. It's completely unfair. When you when you started that, I thought I didn't realize you were talking about the commercials. I thought you were just like just going to be a poor lady sitting on a car. A sad, depressed, impoverished woman. Oh, God, I'm not sitting on her parked car. I'm not like that.

Heather, I got a question for you. You've so you have you're you're a globetrotter in a way that's a dorky term. I'm sorry. But you've lived in New York. You've lived in LA. You've lived in Amsterdam and anywhere else that you've I lived in Chicago. Oh, Chicago. I knew that as well.

You went to school there. So of all those places, all kind of big, big, interesting food cities. Where where is your favorite food? Definitely not Amsterdam is the worst food. Dutch food is awful. It's so bad. Is it really? There's have you ever heard of a Dutch restaurant?

No, that's a great point. You can go to French restaurants. You can go to German restaurants. You can go to Japanese restaurants. There's like a Peruvian restaurant in LA. Yeah, you can find pretty. I think there's a Himalayan restaurant. Why not go to a Dutch restaurant?

It's what what is that? What is it? What is deep fried gravy? Is there like their main? It's called bitter ballon. Deep fried gravy. I'm surprised that there's not two smoke outlines of Nick and I and we're going to find Amsterdam.

I think we're going to see something on the Carl's Jr. menu in a couple years. It's going to be deep fried gravy. So they take like a thick gravy and they roll it in breadcrumbs and then they deep fry it. So you bite into it and it's blisteringly hot always. Because it's hot, thick gravy on the inside of a fried, the outside cools, the inside never cools.

They do a lot of croquettes. The McDonald's thing in Amsterdam is the McCroquette and it's deep fried gravy patty. Oh my God. Does it have beef or is it just like? It's just like Jesus, it's just a gravy patty. Is it like liquidus or like, like what is it? Is it gelatinous?

Oh my God. I'm like, I'm too hungover to describe how disgusting the food is. It's like if you take, you know when you open a can of like Campbell's Chunky Stew and before you boil it into like a liquid form, it's kind of like like that sound and shape and gel. That's what it's like except hot. Oh my God, it's terrible. That's a terrible place to be hungover.

I think they also have, I think they also have chicken nuggets, but they also have like shrimp nuggets there, I think at McDonald's. So it's that and then like herring, a lot of herring. Oh, is that served hot or cold? Either way, it's just fucking gross. Is the life expectancy over there like, oh really? I was gonna say like 40. They're all super tall and they're all super healthy.

Oh man. And yeah, their food is just gross. I guess the difference is that everyone's commuting by bicycle or foot, right? Pretty much. There's not a lot of car driving. That's crazy. Is there, so talking about, you mentioned McDonald's a little bit, what were the chains like in Amsterdam?

Well, there's FABO, which is, their slogan is deluckerstow, which means the tastiest. But FABO is a wall of little tiny door hangers, like little doors, and you put in your money directly into the wall and then take out the food from the wall. Like an advent calendar or something? Or is it similar? Exactly like an advent calendar. I'm sure you've seen the like rotating vending machines. Yes, gotcha.

That have little doors in them, except, so these are stationary. It's like a wall of doors and you're like, oh, I want a chicken sandwich. And you go up to the chicken sandwich thing, you put in your two euro coin, open it and pull out the chicken sandwich. And is it right there? Is there any waiting period? No, there's no waiting period. Okay.

And then they have like chicken wings that you order and french fries that you order, but everything else comes out of the wall, including the bitter ball and the croquettes. And they have like a, what is essentially a hot pocket, but cheese on the inside? That's always blisteringly hot. They really like breaded, gooey, hot stuff. It's so oof. I kind of like the hot pocket one, sounded a little bit better at least.

That sounds like it might be all right. That was the one I ate a lot. It's a hot pocket of cheese. So you open everything up, so it's got like a heat lamp it's sitting under? Yes, yeah. Okay. Each little heat lamp and a little door. Is there all sealed lockers?

Like it's a heat lamp, door, bottom shelf, heat lamp, door, you know what I mean? Is there any, are there any humans at all involved, or is it all pretty much a machine transaction? When if you get stuff out of the doors, no, there's no humans involved. It's just you and the food. So you're paying a machine and then opening a door and taking, it's just like a big old vending machine basically. Right, but then people on the other side, they're making the new sandwich,

and they put the new sandwich in the door. That's such like a concept that feels so mechanized and, you know, they can save on labor costs, and it's so impersonal that I'm surprised it hasn't made its way to the United States, because I feel like that would be a thing that people would be into. Well, I just read something that McDonald's is testing out, like kind of like kiosks, like iPads, where you just punch in what you want and you don't deal with a service person. So like kind of like the fast food version of the Ziosk,

which we've experienced at TGI Fridays and Chili's, the little kiosk that's on the table that you use to pay with the tablet. Interesting. So was there any other, outside of McDonald's, were there any other American chains that you saw over there? Yeah, there's Burger King and KFC. I feel like KFC is more popular everywhere else in the world. I've heard that too.

I've heard it in China, like KFC blows McDonald's away. It's like the big American thing over there. And same with Japan. In Japan, you go to KFC on Christmas, and you have to reserve your chicken bucket months ahead of time to get chicken on Christmas, and there are lines that on Christmas day, when everyone works, so this is when you get off work, you go to KFC and you get your reserved family Christmas chicken dinner, because some genius in like the 70s was like, what if we tell them that on Christmas, you're supposed to eat KFC?

Like that's what you're supposed to do. So now all of Japan does it. And there are lines around the building after work to get your Christmas KFC. So like if you want to go there and have a nice Christmas dinner with your waifu body pillow, you can just sort of set up shop in a KFC. Is there a, the weird law I heard about Japan or the weird thing over there, Heather, you've heard of this, I'm sure, is that they at one point passed a measure where dragon quest games could only be sold on weekends, because too many people were skipping work to go get new dragon

quests. Is that real? Yeah, I've heard this. I don't, I've heard it, but I think it's informal. I don't think it's a law. It wasn't passed by Japanese parliament. Shinzo Abe didn't sign this into law. No, I don't think it's a law.

Like it's just a nicety or something. I want to look this up and then see that it's like the second amendment of the Japanese constitution. I'm going to Japan in a couple of weeks. You've been before, correct? Yes, yes. And I, the food, like we think of Japanese food as sushi or noodles. There is like another tier of Japanese food that's like raw egg in a bowl. I was so excited that you're gonna be like, there's a whole other level that's so good

and it's just a little raw egg in a bowl. I went to a restaurant once there where they, they didn't have a menu, you just got what they served and sat down and the first dish was a woman came in and cracked a raw egg, put it in a bowl and handed me the bowl across the table. Oh my god. Did you eat it? Yes, because I was the, what else am I supposed to be like, no? And you just like slurped it down basically.

Yeah. That's crazy. No seasoning that you could tell? Nothing, just cracked raw egg in a bowl. Hey, Rocky does it. That's true. That's the kind of thing when I hear about that is like, I don't know, I'm very bullish on American food and a lot of it is trashy and very unhealthy and terrible for you.

And obviously we have huge problems nationwide with obesity and heart disease and diabetes and so forth, but I feel like there isn't like anything in America where just like, oh, that's fucking weird. Why are people eating that? Well, deep fried Twinkies and deep like this. I guess so, yeah. Fair food that we do is fucking terrible. Yeah, I could see like turkey legs or something being weird at like a, but maybe not.

I don't know. And maybe that's not even weird, like at Disneyland or something, a big turkey leg. We do some weird stuff. I feel like people think hot dogs are really weird, like a weird food, like a tube of meat. Yeah, I guess that is weird. Yeah. What am I, what's the term for what I just did when you're like, oh, you're focusing on yourself as the ethnocentrism?

Is that what I did? Was that ethnocentric? Xenophobia. Xenophobia. That's what I just did. Something very xenophobic. Something we might, you might more expect from Mitch if you've listened to this podcast. But it came to me this time.

Fuck you and wherever you're from. Let's get back to Umami Burger a little bit. So, Mitch, what did you end up having? Okay. On your last visit. Sorry, Nick. You kind of threw this on me out of nowhere and also I'm still recovering from you calling me a xenophobic. Well, I started off with a pickle plate, which came with pickled pickles.

Or cucumbers, I guess. Pickled beets. Now, I'm not going to say that's right. Is it daikon? Is that a? I think it is. I think you're right. Daikon.

Okay. Pickled daikon and pickled onion in carrot. And actually the pickle plate was good. It was, I really enjoyed it. It was nice. Can you say pickle plate again? Pickle plate. My God.

Sometimes I can't say what I want to say in the right way. I feel like a dog or something trying to embarking at you guys. No one can understand what I'm saying. I'm a fool, is the bottom line. I think you'd have a lot of success recording an album of just you saying tongue twisters. It's the Boston thing, I think, or I'm dumb. I got a Diet Pepsi, which came in a cool little bottle like Back to the Future 2. And then I got the Cheesy Tots, which are great.

The Cheesy Tots are really good. In fact, I liked all the appetizers I got. I was with Jack. So we also got the Tempura Onion Rings, which were really great and hot. And they came with a three dipping sauce. They came with like a jalapeno ranch or something and a Diablo sauce and then the Umami ketchup. And then my burger, the burger I got was the Sunshine Burger, which I don't usually like egg on my burger, but I was trying to get something different.

And I'm sorry, it's called the Sunnyside Burger. It's Parmesan Frito, a fried egg, truffle thyme compound butter, truffle the rugula, and truffle the aioli. Too much truffle. It was a little, it was just too much. All I tasted was truffle. The egg is just too much. I should never get an egg on a burger.

Every time I do it, I'm like, it's just, it's too much. It just makes me feel sick. You only eat egg out of a bowl. I have forgotten about the sauces for the fries. And they were good. They are good. I really thought, I didn't get the thin cut fries, but I've had them before. They're not the best, but the onion rings and the cheesy tots were good.

And I thought, everything up until the actual burger. I hate truffle oil so much. They just, they just overdid it. They messed up big time. I don't know what, what happened. Well, you had like five truffled ingredients on your burger. Yeah, they could have had like at least one or two of those not be truffled in any way. I think, I think truffle is, I mean, I like the taste of truffle.

If it's done well, or if it's at a nice fancy restaurant, but it's, it's, it's way too much. And truffle oil itself isn't really great. It's, it's, it's overpowering. And I don't know. Just a little goes a long way. For me, what it makes me think of is, you guys have seen the Lord of the Rings movies. I like the Lord of the Rings movies. I actually, stick with me, stick with me.

There's a long road. There's a long road. The Lord of the Rings movies in Return of the King, the original trilogy, there's the point where Frodo and Sam end up having this epic battle with a giant spider. She lob, yes. She lob, yeah. And so this is this giant client, it's not, it's not that climax of the movie, but it's this big action sequence that's really like, oh, it's fraught and it's crazy.

It's very tense and it's awesome. When they made the Hobbit prequels, when they got to Hobbit 2, which I think is the battle of the five armies, I think is a subtitle. Where the fuck is this going? Hold on, hold on. I hope it has nothing to do with this. So in Hobbit 2, there's a sequence where the elves and the dwarven party and Bilbo are going through the woods and there's just an attack with giant spiders

and the elves, I think, kill like 100 giant spiders. They're just like, all these giant spiders keep coming out of the woods and they just keep like fucking them up with bows and arrows. And it's like so much less satisfying. And I feel like that's the same sort of thing with like truffle is just like, you get too much truffle. You're like, oh, we get it. Like this is this is so forward.

Like I don't need this much. You only need the one giant spider for the action sequence for the set piece. Once you start piling on more and more, it's just it's overwhelming. That was your comparison. There's three velociraptors in Jurassic Park 1. There's five velociraptors on the poster for Jurassic World. Yes, that's true. Yes, that would have been a much more succinct.

Okay, fine. And more contemporary, considering that movie's currently out. Look, I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying here. I can't really say, but I also liked Hobbit 2 as my favorite of all the Hobbits. I think actually Hobbit 2 is the strongest. Okay, I got a screener from the Academy for Hobbit and I didn't even make it through, I think the first I saw the first one.

I was like, what is this? Yes, it was the new they did like the 70 frames per second. And then I never watched any of the other ones. They're ridiculous films. I will say the barrel chase when they hop in the barrels and they go down the river and Hobbit 2. That's one of the best film sequences I've seen this decade. I like that's amazing.

Yeah, it's just a really cool thing to look at. The barrel boys over here. I really love that. That sequence is great. You mentioned the sauces that come with the umami burger with your fries, rather. And yeah, the ketchup, some sort of hot sauce. I guess they call it the Diablo sauce, jalapeno ranch. I also got a garlic aioli.

Did you get a garlic aioli, Heather? Yes, I got a garlic aioli. I did not. Okay, so you only got three. We got the four. The garlic aioli was good. Yeah, I did like those sauces a lot. Talking about what I got for my apps, and I went with my wife Natalie, for our apps,

we got the onion rings, tempura onion rings, which are really good. I'd say if you're going to get something to go with your burger there, get those onion rings. They're very, very satisfying. And you know, surprisingly, that was the thing where I expected, okay, this is going to be like doused in truffle oil too, but it wasn't super truffly. It was just like a nice crisp, well-cooked, hot, well-seasoned onion ring. We also got the maple bacon fries, which were sweet potato fries with maple bacon lardons, rosemary aleppo salt, I think I'm saying that right, and topped with chives.

For me, those were like very maple-y. They just felt like they were kind of like drenched in syrup. And I feel like when you've got like a sweet potato fry, you don't need to add more sweetness on top of it. It's got a little bit of inherent sweetness, you know? You're also adding this maple element. It was just like, it was just a little too much, too much sugar for me. That's the fifth sense.

It was literally something that lame when it first started. I wish we could figure it out, because I'm sure it must be on the Umami website somewhere, but they really built up what Umami was, when it's just truffle or whatever. Yeah, it's really just a flavor. And then I got the glass of the house red wine, and then I got the Umami burger, which is their signature burger. So, this is the thing, I guess this is the, what's the expression? This is the thing that built the house, the-

Bricks. The bricks that built the house, that old chestnut. So- The snakes. The signature Umami burger, which is their menu description as American Wagyu beef with a Parmesan crisp, so it's like a crisp piece of Parmesan, disc of Parmesan cheese, shiitake mushrooms, roasted tomato, caramelized onion, and house ketchup, which I think has added truffle, as well, and then it's all served on this Portuguese roll.

I gotta say, the Umami burger, I think the same complaint you had with your burger, just like it was a lot of truffle, it was just like a lot of Umami. I was just like, okay, I kind of get it, but it's just, it's just pretty overbearing. Yeah. One of my issues, even more than the taste of the truffle, was the quality of the meat just didn't taste, I've gone to other burger places and I'm like, the meat just tastes better, and I love cheeseburgers, I mean like that, you know, I do, I love cheeseburgers, like it's one of my favorite foods, I don't eat it a lot, because I'm trying to get myself a little bit more healthy.

So, when I do get one, I want it to be really good, or I want to know what I'm having, like Wendy's, or McDonald's, or whatever, I want to know that I'm getting that shitty burger. And so, the quality of it just wasn't what I, it didn't live up to what it's supposed to be, I feel like. Did you have that same experience, Heather, as far as the meat quality? Yeah, my meat was runny. Interesting. It was really, it was a runny burger, and it was, it just was not pleasant.

Can you not make a place like that that's like a quality burger, can you not make that a chain, you know what I mean, like there's, there's so, like I wouldn't trust a McDonald's burger that like had red, like could be running with blood, right, like you wouldn't want to order that for McDonald's. My waitress recommended medium rare, I went medium, and it was just a, it was runny, it was like a, like there's a lot of oil, and mine had no truffle, I don't like truffle at all. And it had like just this liquid, it was like liquid meat. Yeah.

Very Dutch, it was very Dutch. Yeah, mine was, they didn't, she didn't even ask me for a temperature when I had my burger, but it came out medium, I think. And yeah, it was definitely like a little bit of runny. For me, it came across more as like, oh, this is like a juicy burger, mine didn't feel like overly moist, but that's interesting. You guys had a similar sort of experience where you're kind of let down with meat. It felt like they poured a glass of hot water on it after, it was so runny.

Oh yeah, mine wasn't as runny, but it was just, I was just like, it's just not even that good. And this, again, this is a place, like we said, that started kind of, it started this burger explosion out here at least, and I want it to be good, I want you mommy to be good, but I don't know, the bun, I guess, is good, and they printed, are you on the bun? Yeah, you get a little you logo kind of branded on there, it looks really sharp. I also too, I really like the crispness of the Parmesan. Have you guys had the umami burger? You get like this sort of crisp bite from it, because it's not like a standard piece of melted

cheese, it's like a crisp wafer of cheese, and I really like that texture in a burger, that's really interesting. When I was carb free for a long time, and I used to go and get the Manley burger all the time, without barbecue sauce, because it's got bacon, it's huge amount of bacon and cheese and a lot of meat, and that always felt like I was eating, I don't know, I remember those fondly, and I didn't get it this time specifically, because I'd had it so many times before, I was just, I feel like I would have been disappointed by that too, just by the quality of the meat on my California burger. Yeah, I know, I even, the SoCal burger or whatever is the one I usually get, and I feel like I should

go back and try that again, and see how it holds up, because it was my favorite at one point, I just think overall, just a dip in quality. That's a bummer. I will say Natalie had the Greenberg burger as her main, Greenbird burger rather, not Greenberg, Greenberg sounds like it's not a burger in any depth. The Bang Stiller burger? Yeah, which was a turkey burger with, which I'm normally not a fan of turkey burgers, but this was a really good turkey burger, had like Green Goddess dressing, just a lot of green

shit on it, but it was really, really flavorful, and I thought that was, as I took some bites of hers, I was like, I wish I'd gotten that instead. So if you are looking for a turkey burger option, I'd say you could do a lot worse than the Greenbird burger at Umami. All right, well, I think we're at the point where we've sort of given our thoughts, so let's go ahead and give a summation and a ranking of Umami burger. So what we'll do is we'll sort of give our closing argument, if you will, of what all of our thoughts about this chain, and then give it a ranking from one to five

forks, five being the highest. We'll start with you, Heather. Uh, I was really disappointed. I asked you guys if we could do In-N-Out burger, and there was no response to it at all. And I was like, oh, well, okay. We have an In-N-Out guest. Here's the thing, we have a future guest who wants to do In-N-Out burger, but is also not committed to appearing.

And he hasn't appeared. He'll be on here soon enough. Let's hope so. We'll find out who he is. It's Armin Weitzman, and he told us in the first week he'll do it. So shout out to Armin. He's kind of just been stringing us along for a while, but we've been having to say we can't do In-N-Out burger because Armin's doing In-N-Out burger.

And he's from LA, and he's like, I need to do In-N-Out burger, and then he's never done it. So we should have given you In-N-Out burger. We apologize. I eat In-N-Out every week, not like every single week. That's my like junk food meal. And Umami can't hold a candle to In-N-Out. It's funny that you bring it up because In-N-Out is a chain that works really well, and the quality is so good.

And it's also like way cheaper than Umami burgers. 100%. Umami burger, you're paying $12 to $16, I think, for a burger. And in Out-Burger, what's the double-double, still like $4.35? Yeah. Yeah. And it's one that could expand all over the globe, and they don't. They hold back.

They're kind of even reserved on as far as franchising and going out to different areas. Because they're getting their meat from one farm, I think. Yeah. Oh, wow. But yeah, so if In-N-Out is five forks, is it five or four? Five. Five, yep. So In-N-Out would be five forks, then Umami is two.

Wow. That's a two-fork meal. Interesting. Mitch, your thoughts? Like I said, I love burgers, and I love what Umami did. And but when I get a bad burger, I get mad because I try, I love them, and I want to eat them every day and every second of every day. But I can't do that.

And I'm going to the gym, and actually a midnight show alum, Jeff Slonaker, is working out behind me. And he's been taking photos of me while I'm working out. Sending them to me while I work out. He's not a lump, he's still on the show. What's up? Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. Well, you know, I'm a Doe Boys alum as well.

Mitch, I don't think you know what a lump means. No, I'm quitting the show. I'm quitting Doe Boys. But yeah, I'm really disappointed with how Umami has fallen. I don't know what their plans are. I don't even know what they're going for anymore. And I just, I wonder what the future holds for them. Because they were good, and they created kind of a burger boom in California.

And I love a good burger, and I respect that. But right now, it just seems a little bit wonky. And if I'm going to take into consideration how good they used to be, I guess I'll give it two and a half forks. I didn't know we could do a half fork. Oh yeah, you can if you want to. Is that, do you want to amend your score at all? Nope, two forks.

Okay, sticking with two. Is that real quick, before I get into mine, which LA location did we go to, Heather? I went to the one on Kowenga behind Urban Outfitters. Okay, Mitch, about you? I went to the one in Los Feliz on Sunset, I guess. Yeah, is that Sunset? What is that?

Sunset Junk Center or something around there? I think that's it, yeah, there, yeah. I went to the Santa Monica location, or one of the Santa Monica locations near the promenade. I just realized that, so mine was behind an Urban Outfitters. Yours is right next to American Apparel, and yours is in Fred Siegel. It's right behind a Fred Siegel store. It's a really LA.

Yeah, they're trying to associate themselves with these like kind of LA fashion brands. That's crazy. Yes, Urban Outfitters, not a LA fashion brand, is it? But like kind of trendy, cool. Maybe it is LA, I have no idea where Urban Outfitters originated. Yeah, so we had three different locations that we went to, which I think is a good thing for evaluating a chain, and I think we sort of felt a consistency in a bad way,

and that none of us had like a great experience. I enjoyed my meal. I do not think it was an exceptional burger and burger-affiliated menu items experience where I'd like go out of my way to go there again. I do think it's maybe the kind of place where I could see if I had family in town being like, oh, we can go to this place. This is kind of an LA thing, this umami burger.

But then again, the umami thing comes back to me of like, is that gimmick going to be a thing that's going to turn off a lot of people? Like I could see my mom being like, oh, this tastes a little funny, and that's what she means from something that's just like tastes a little too umami-esque or too truffly, you know? So from that standpoint, and based on, I'm not trying not to let you guys explain explanation of its decline, color my judgment too much, but based off of this one experience and how I felt about my meal

and how I felt about my prospects for returning, I think I'd give umami burger three forks. I think it's right in the middle of, I think this is an okay place to go, but not someplace I would go out of my way to make a trip to. Yeah, we're rooting for you umami burger. We want you to turn it back around. I don't know that I am.

Heather and I are rooting for you. No, I get you too. Why root for them, I guess. I think it just comes from that place of I knew that I had good food there at one point, but... It's nice that they have alcohol. I mean, it's called the burger place where you can get a beer and that's a chain. That's nice. Yes, that's true, but that...

Yeah, not enough. Not enough. Yeah, so... Well, those are our thoughts on umami burger. It's time for a segment where we're going to evaluate a snack and determine whether it's something worth putting in your mouth. It's time for snack or whack. So, Mitch, do you want to tell our guest and our audience what our snack is for this week?

Of course I do. We have spicy buffalo wheat thins. Oh, God. Visibly repulsed when we mention what we're going to eat. It also says natural flavor, so... Natural buffalo flavor. Yes, you're right. So, is this...

So, I know that the Doritos that have buffalo... They also have chicken flavoring in the Doritos. Are these buffalo chicken flavored or buffalo sauce flavored? Just buffalo sauce flavored. Keep that ingredient list. Is there any chicken meal or anything in there? I would imagine this is on the side of the bottom of the nutritional info. Whole grain wheat.

It doesn't... One full chicken. No, no, it doesn't look like there's any sort of... There's nothing in there, but there's a lot of crazy ingredients for sure. One full chicken ground alive. You'll see how much suffering was needed to make this food product quantified on the box. I wonder how many people would still just get it if it was good. I'm sure a lot.

I'm sure a lot, yeah. All right, cool. Let's taste some of these. Three will be a good amount. Which is having a little bite. Heather, if you want to settle over here. There you go. There is on the box, it looks like there's someone emptying a thing of buffalo sauce.

Some sort of... Is that Frank's Red Hot or is this sort of like a generic... It looks like Tabasco, almost. Yeah, it looks like Tabasco, which isn't what... It's just like a generic hot sauce bottle that's kind of like a Tabasco rip-off. All right, so it's being poured on us. I'm having a taste now. I'm eating mine now.

Okay. They've already got a powder. Yeah. Very powdery. Do you want water or something? There's some mini waters right there. You know what? It almost tastes chickeny, like you were saying weirdly.

No. Wheat and buffalo sauce do not mix. Oh, that's gross. It's got like a little bit of spice, kind of more of a cayenne flavor. Not particularly... I wouldn't say it's super hot. Yeah. Just maybe store...

Heather, it hates these. And the mouth feel afterwards is like so slimy. Yeah, they really do feel... Kind of clink your mouth in the slimy way, which is weird. It's weird because the texture is really off from what regular wheat things are, I feel like. I feel like they just taste differently to me, at least. I also had dental work done today, so who knows if that's part of it, but... I feel like wheat things are kind of sweet, naturally.

Like, you eat wheat things, they're like a sweet cracker. Yeah. And sweet plus buffalo sauce doesn't, you know... It's a little off-putting, yeah. Nobody puts buffalo sauce on a pancake. That's it. That is... It's a great point.

It's... And when you buy... And when you get... It's like almost too... You get the buffalo layer and then you get through to like the wheaty cracker strain. It's really strange. You guys have ever had, as comedy writers, I'm sure you've had those sorts of things where you're working a job and it's like, hey, we need 20 jokes about Derek Jeter breaking up with this model,

because that's just what the news is. And you're like, all right, I'll fucking crank these out and you knock out 20 jokes that are like whatever you don't give a shit about and maybe one or two of them are kind of good. I feel like that's sometimes how when... With all the flavors that are coming out, I feel like that somehow some guy whose job it is to come up with flavors is like, fuck, I gotta come up with 20 flavors. All right, a... I don't know, buffalo wheat things?

I don't fucking make them, let's see. And then it just somehow gets through just the same way your bad Jeter joke just gets on the air and you're like, all right, well... I'm surprised I haven't seen like pork and bean Doritos. Why not? Yeah, why wouldn't they just do that? It's good. They should go all out.

I mean, it doesn't... I can't believe you guys are still eating those fucking crackers. Oh, sorry. I tell you, just the crunch of the wheat then is enough for me, but I will say the buffalo flavor I don't really like. It's off-putting. I think we already know what our verdicts are, but for the formality of the segment, let's go ahead and do it.

Heather, what do you think, snack or whack? Whack. I just had one that was good. I'm going to say I'm interested in knowing what Derek Jeter sitcom you're working on. And I will go with whack too. It's bad. Yeah, I like wheat thens, but I can't endorse these over the regular wheat then, which I think is just a death knell for a flavored product.

These are definitely whack. Can I say, I feel like buffalo is... They want to add buffalo to everything, and you shouldn't. It's one of those ones that it's like, buffalo this, buffalo everything. There's buffalo everything now. And I feel like it's just good on buffalo chicken or buffalo cauliflower I've had before that tastes close to buffalo chicken, and that's kind of it. Almost everything else I've gotten that's a buffalo flavored treat is bad.

A buffalo chicken dip maybe is the furthest I'll go, or a buffalo chicken calzone, but that's like, or pizza, but it's still kind of... You started off by saying, buffalo is pretty much just good on wings, and proceed to ultimately list two dozen food items. But those are kind of the same, right? Yeah, I got you. They're on the same level. It's still buffalo chicken when you boil it down.

Sure. It's just presented in different ways. And I feel like getting it on other stuff, it just doesn't work. Can we talk about Doritos briefly? Of course. Of course, always. Because I really, I'm a big Doritos nerd, like I always have a bag of Doritos in the house.

And that was the number one thing that I missed when I was carb free was Doritos. And I used to tweet at Doritos, can you guys release nacho cheese seasoning? If they just, if you could get like a shaker of Doritos, so I could put it on green beans or something. Oh man, that'd be great. Well, popcorn. Like imagine if you could buy Doritos seasoning and put it on everything. That's a great idea.

So is that your favorite flavor of all the Doritos flavors? It's basic nacho cheese, right? Yeah. But I was wondering, is that yours? Me too, yeah, definitely. I'm a cool ranch guy. I love cool ranch. Cool ranch is my favorite.

But sometimes, because Doritos has tried a buffalo, like you said, the buffalo. Chicken. Chicken ones. Buffalo chicken. I did not like those. I did, that was one of the, and again, it's just one of those things. If it's bread or a cracker that just has the buffalo taste on it, I'm not liking it. Like you said, you don't want a buffalo pancake.

So like if it's just a piece of bread, I'm not, or a cracker or anything. I'm not digging it. Was Doritos the ones that had the 3Ds? Yes. Yes. So those were gross. The Doritos loaded or whatever at 7-Eleven are disgusting. Those are the ones that are, it's like a 7-Eleven exclusive where it's like a breaded Dorito,

basically. Yeah, they were bad. So bad. But I feel like what you were saying about like if your flavor can't top the original wheat then, then it's a loss. The fact that you like cool ranch more than nacho cheese means that that was a huge success for them. Absolutely, sure. Yeah, but I feel like with Dorito, when you think of Doritos, you got cool ranch and you

got nacho cheese and then the other ones are all right, but they're not Doritos. There's a vegan Dorito, which is the Thai chili or whatever it is, is vegan. So that's pretty cool. I like that. That's cool. Yeah. I like that they try wheat things. I wish they didn't try as much, but I like, there's certain products that I like that they're

giving a shot at it because Doritos seems kind of, and I'll always grab a different bag if I'm like, oh, that looks interesting. And then I'll be like, oh, not as good as the other. In Holland, the cool ranch Dorito is called Cool American. That's great. Hey, just like me, the guy who eats them. And before we start wrapping things up, because you are a globetrotter, where is your favorite food in the world, including the United States?

I mean, I will always love Chicago pizza. Deep dish Chicago pizza from Lou Malnati's is probably my favorite food in the world. And that makes me sound like a trash person. That's how it's going to be. Not at all. I just get jealous because Chicago people are like, it's the best food in the world. And I'm like, damn it. I never really lived in Chicago.

I've been there and I've eaten food and the food is amazingly good. I've eaten better, like hands down better food, like fancier, cheaper and better than Chicago pizza. But it's just, it's perfect. Yeah. It's perfect. It's really good. Okay.

Oh, good choice. There you go. Before we wrap things up, like a restaurant, we have all your feedback. It's time to open up the feedback. Did I, what did I say? Did I say I value your feedback? It's time to open the feedback. I did, didn't I?

You did. I think I've done that twice. Yeah. And you make fun of me for saying you mammy wrong. I know. And this is like a scripted thing. I should know. I should have memorized.

I love all these segments so much, guys. I love to re-ate shitty food. Two guys I can't talk that have a podcast that like food kind of. We use our mouths for their primary purpose, which is putting food in them. Yeah. All right. Let's, like a restaurant, we value your feedback. Let's open up the feed bag.

Today's email comes to us from Joe Aranda, Subject Line Frankenfood. Here we go. Guys. Joe, I went to college with Joe, by the way. Oh, did you? Okay. I didn't know that. He's a great guy.

Oh, well, that's good. See you in a week. So, Subject Line Frankenfood, body of the email. Guys, really been enjoying the show so far. One of my favorite things about chain flat, chain slash fast food is actually exhausting the menu and then needing to modify the food by combining menu items, sauces, in order to keep things new. In other words, how Taco Bell creates new menu items.

For example, throwing a McDonald's hash brown inside a Big Mac in order to add a crunchy element or throwing Jack in the Box curly fries inside their 99 cent tacos. What are your feelings about these menu abominations? And do you have any favorite combinations? God bless America, Joe. That's Joe. You know, one thing I like to do, or actually rather one menu item that was like this, that this makes me think of as Jack in the Box for a time had a Taco Nachos,

which was basically one of their tacos, which you can get for two for 99 cents, over a bed of chips with, and the taco was diced into like four pieces, put over chips, and then they poured nacho cheese over all of it. And it was actually really tasty. I mean, it was clearly like disgusting, and it was clearly them just taking an existing menu item and finding a new way to reuse it, but I really, really enjoyed that. Yeah, see, there, if it's like reuse stuff, I'm going to go with Joe and say Taco Bell, but here, I don't even know if Joe likes this sort of stuff.

But Joe Aranda introduced me to the California Burrito, which I had never had in my entire life, and I went down to he's... But someone with French fries in it? Yes, it's the one with French fries in it. Yeah, and he introduced me to that. And before that, I had no idea that you could put French fries in it. I'd never even thought of it. And we went to this place Juanitas and Encinitas near San Diego.

And it was mind-blowing to me to have this different food in the... Like a French fry in a burrito. Yeah, I find that, and as a Californian, and I think the California Burrito, its origin, I think, is Mexican, or at least I would assume, because I think a lot of times when you get Californian food in California, it's that means avocado and jack cheese on it, you know? So the first time I had a California Burrito, I was surprised, like, oh, this has fries inside of it.

That made me think, like, oh, maybe this is Mexico's interpretation of what Californians is, which are people eating fries. I don't know. I have no idea. I'm guessing. I don't know the etymology of the difference. And the burrito is an American creation, right? Oh, it is? The burrito itself? I think weirdly it is.

Interesting. I think it's like, yeah, it was our, you know, like, we were like, like tacos, but like, make it huge and wrap it up all the way. Like, we made a Frankenstein ourselves. I do like the fries in a sandwich, fries in a burrito. I have a thing I do sometimes that some people think is gross, is they'll take fries and dip them in a milkshake. Frosties. People love that for whatever reason.

Yeah, with a frosting. Heather, how about you? Any self-made combinations? I like putting the In-N-Out French fries on an In-N-Out burger. Oh, wow. Yeah, that sounds good. That's nice. It adds, like, a crunchiness to it. I wish that, as we've been talking about, oh, if I could invent a food, what would it be? And I think I would like to take two slices of Chicago deep dish pizza

and put a burger in between them and put them, like, upside down to one another so it was all crust on the outside and eat that. I think that would be incredible. That's, like, such a mammoth meal. Yeah. That's insane. I love it. You'd kind of circle it. Like, you get, like, a cookie cutter or something.

Gotcha. So it would be a circular thing, but it would be crust, cheese, burger, cheese, crust. I love, that sounds really good. That sounds amazing. Doesn't that sound great? Yeah. A pizza burger, I guess, is maybe something that I...

But you know what? I guess my answer, Joe, is that, for me, I will never do that myself. I don't usually mix things up myself, Joe, and you know me, and you know I eat gross things, but, like, I'll never... Whatever is presented to me, I'll usually... That's what I'll eat. The only thing I can even think of what I've ever done is made a double-deck or peanut butter and jelly sandwich,

and that's just still a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I, like, won't put cereal on my pizza, like the turtles or anything like that. Like, I never... Like the Ninja Turtles? Yeah. I won't do this thing that these cartoon characters do. There has to be either a Tumblr or a podcast or something

where you go through every episode and you eat the pizza that they make. Oh, my God. There has to be... Yeah, there's, like, Fruit Loop pizza and shit in that show. That stuff is always... I've never loved that, and I... I've, like, dipped a fry in frosty before,

but I usually kind of keep them all separate. I like to eat them the way that the big corporation intended me to eat them, so sorry to lay you down, Joe. All right, great. Heather, I got to say, I think with the deep-dish pizza burger and the nacho cheese Doritos seasoning, you've come up with two innovations here that could revolutionize the food industry.

I don't... I think both of these things should exist. They're kind of blowing my mind thinking of them. Why can't they? I mean, who wouldn't have a shaker of Doritos in their house? That would be fantastic. That would be really good. I think it would make millions of dollars.

It's crazy. It's... Unless they're worried that people would become burnt out on the flavor, because you would literally put it on every... Sure. Like, if I make homemade popcorn out of an air popper, and if I could shake Doritos seasoning on that? See, that might...

That's amazing. Yeah, I wish Doe Boys was Shark Tank, because... Like, if you were a poor college kid, you could put it in ramen? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's... It's huge.

Like... Why the hell doesn't it exist? You can reach into the choir. I didn't know... Scrambled eggs, I'd give it a shot. Why not? Why not? Yeah.

We'll tweet at Doritos. I've done it. I've done it. I've done... Oh, that's right. I've tweeted at them. Please. We have...

Well, Doe Boys' account has about a million less followers than you, so... We'll see if we get their attention. Heather, some wonderful insights, some wonderful innovations proposed by you. Thank you so much for being here today. Do you have anything you would like to plug? Uh... Please watch Who's Line Is It Anyway.

This next... I'm... I don't know. Some episodes this season. And then... I don't know, guys. ADHD? Oh, yeah.

Right. My job. You check us out on FXX and Fox, and online at FoxADHD.com or YouTube slash FoxADHD. We have a lot of fun content that will gross you out and ruin your day. And if you're in LA, check out The Midnight Show. Yes, check out The Midnight Show,

first Saturday of every month, last day of school, every Thursday at UCB. I don't know, man. Is that enough? That's plenty. Okay, great. That's great. Wonderful.

Okay, stuff. All good stuff. Guys, I think that'll wrap it up for this episode of Doe Boys. Until next time, happy eating. And we'll see you in the next episode of Doe Boys.