Doughboys - UNLOCKED! Garfield's Thanksgiving with Paul Rust

Episode Date: November 28, 2019

Free preview of Doughboys Double! Paul Rust (Love, Don't Stop Or We'll Die) discusses celebrity drive-by sightings and taste the Merry Mash-Up Slurpee and Holiday Mint M&M's.To subscribe to the Doughboys Double go to: patreon.com/doughboysSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. New Year, same extra value meals at McDonald's. Now get a savory sausage McMuffin with egg, plus hash browns, and a small coffee for just $5. For limited time only, prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California, and for delivery. The following is a free preview of Do Boys Double. To get a bonus episode every Tuesday, subscribe at patreon.com slash Do Bow Boys. Welcome to Do Boys Double. I'm Nick Weiger, alongside the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell.

Mitch? Yes. This is our final episode before Thanksgiving. Wow. We've got Thanksgiving coming up in just a couple of days. I mean, as of this record, it's coming up in a week, but as of this release, it's coming up in two days. We're on Thanksgiving, Eve, Eve.

Gobble, gobble to you all. A gobble, guble to you, my good boy. And gobble, gobble back, my friend. Hmm. The Thanksgiving greeting. May your cornucopias be filled with merriment. Hmm. Maybe they be stuffed full.

Ah, yes. Gobble, gobble. You know, we're kind of like, as podcasts, we're kind of like the podcast version of triptophan in some anyways. We'll put you to sleep. We love all our Patreon subscribers who use the show as a sleep aid. You know, whatever works for you. For me, it's putting on sunglasses 30 minutes before bedtime and taking a little melatonin.

It's very strange. I've seen it in action. It may be strange, but it works out. Carl Tart thought you were doing like a big long bit. We were staying in Airbnb together and I put on sunglasses like after we did the show, I got home and put sunglasses on. He thought I was just doing an unfunny bit. He never even said anything to you or laughed.

And just thought you were being silly by having sunglasses on. Yeah, I mean, he was watching me do unfunny bits for like a full week while we were touring. So he just took it in stride. Nick, any, what are your Thanksgiving plans? Nothing. We usually, Natalie and I usually take it pretty easy. We just do a thing for the two of us, because our family's all local. And so we see everyone for in a month anyway.

We're all in Southern California. So we usually just have a little dinner we make together, which is fun. That's nice. So I guess that's not nothing. I'm having a lovely meal with my lovely wife. Do you make the turkey? No, don't make the turkey. But I don't make anything.

She makes the whole meal? Or we go out. Dear Lord. Yeah. But it's fun. We have a great time. We have a lot of fun. You know what? One thing we always do, there's an Indian restaurant by us that we always go to for lunch.

We have like an Indian Thanksgiving lunch, no vegetarian lunch. It's a nice like little pre-meal before the big, the big indulgence. Wow. Yeah. I'm a, uh, uh, you know what? I'll say, I'll say the way that the place I'm going to, oh, God. I'll say the way. I'm, what are you doing? I'm going to Disney World. for Thanksgiving. Oh, no. You know when people say that like after they win the Super Bowl, they don't go into a Mickey voice. They don't. I'm going to,

I'm going to be in Disney World for Thanksgiving, I believe. How exciting. Mickey shall be carving the turkey. Yes, as is tradition. Mitch, we have a wonderful guest here. Before we do that, we, you know, another change up in the record. We've got, you know, Emma and you song aren't here.

Our buddy Marissa from HeadGum is here. Marz. Hi, how's it going? Doing great. Do you have any Thanksgiving plan? Wait, you do Canadian Thanksgiving. That's your jam. Yes.

So my Thanksgiving was last month. However, I think what's become a tradition for me is now going to Gabor's live power hour. Oh, God. I'm doing that. I'm doing that tomorrow as of this episode is coming out. What are you going to reveal? You said some weird stuff. Yeah.

I do have every time you've done it. So I do have a tradition of getting very drunk and then saying a secret. I think this is the time I finally show over on my term. Terminator arm of a knife at the ready. Man, I was telling you that. Yeah. On this thing, I was in Atlanta shooting, the Tomorrow War, this guy, there's a guy in the movie who was, who was in Terminator 2.

Is it a stunt performer or a character actor? It's, I think both. He's both. Jim. Jim Palmer. If you look up in this guy's IMDB, it's insane because he's in like Titanic Terminator 2. He's been in like every big movie for like 30 years. years, just one of these amazing character actor careers. And he's the guy that John Conner gets

Arnold, he tells Arnold not to beat him up. Oh, yes, yeah. He's, and he's, he's, he's cool as hell. And he has a cool stunt in that sequence. Yeah, he does. Yeah, the fuck, that's fucking awesome. Yeah, he's, he rules. He's cooler than you are, clearly. Yeah. I know. I just, I just want to, I just want to let you know. I mean, I'm not insulted. This guy's just cool. Yeah, he's cool. He's cool. He's very cool. And you know what? Who else is cool? Our guest today from Netflix's love and don't

stop or we'll die. Paul Rust is back in studio. Hi, Paul. Oh, hi, guys. It's so good to be back. Oh, but we love having you. Thank you for having me. Mitch, why, why Disney World?

Because my god, my godfather's son, Neil, my God brother, he's going down there for Thanksgiving. He has kids. And we're going to hang with Ronan and Mia down in in Disney World.

Ronan Pharaoh and Mia Farrow. That's nice. And I didn't know you guys are on a first day basis. That is weird that they're both named Ronan and Mia. I never thought about it until you just said it. Well, I don't know how. Yeah.

I don't know if you're going to Disney World or Egypt with all those pharaohs. Hmm. Boo, boo. Who was booing? Someone was booing. That was weird. Who was that? That was weird.

I think it was Mitch's neighbor. Rex? He was playing music earlier. Mark, you heard it. It was playing for a while. Do you think it's, well, as long as we're having fun with people's names, do you think it's Rex from Star Tours? Speaking of Disney World, Rex.

DJ Rex? DJ Rex. Oh, yeah, DJ Rex. Yeah. Is it DJ Rex from Star Tours? Well, he turned into DJ Rex now at the canteen. Oh, that's how they're using. And that's the new capacity he's employed in.

Paul Rubens, who... That's right. You wrote the new P.Reeve movie with Paul Rulgens. Yeah, and he gets a lifelong pass to Disneyland, a Disney World for doing it. Does he really? That's amazing. Lucky guy. That's so cool.

Wow. Yeah. God, the perks of being a Disney voice. You guys got to get in on that. Do you think that I could... I could be the voice of Gaston. Hi, I'm Gaston. Look at my veins.

All his muscles. That's good because you got Gastone. Mitch has Mickey. So you guys are sad. And all those Gaston and Mickey adventures they go on. One of the first roles I ever played in my life was La Fu. Oh, you told me this. Yeah.

For what? For LaF what? For Beauty and the Beast for my, for Raise the Curtain, the summer theater camp, of course. Oh, yes. Raised the RTC. Yeah. And I wasn't embarrassed when I went into the dining room and all the basketball camp kids came in. And we all ate together.

And they're like, what are you here for? And I was like, I'm playing Lafou. It is funny that college campuses in the summertime become places where camps for math kids. Yeah. Camps for possible starting athletes both can meet. It's such a funny. I mean, it's like college, I guess, in general. So I never really left like, I never went home for summer.

when I was in college, I was either like worked a job or like took an internship or something like that. And so my first year between, uh, between first year and second year, I was like kind of near campus and I was around that and I had some friends. It was in California though. Right. I know. Okay. What was I going to do? Gonna go home? What was I going to do there? But I'm saying like you were home. Yeah, I mean, I'm home, but I'm not home home. All right. Fine. I was not living at my parents place. That's what I'm saying. Cooler than me. I went to the University of Iowa and I'd go back every summer and sleep in my little basement of my parents' house. So right on, Wiger.

No, but I was going to say that makes, see, that, if I think if there had been more of a distance, and it wasn't like such an easy trip for me, if it wasn't like an hour or 15 drive for me to get home from UCLA to Lakewood, California, although my parents actually ended up moving to San Pedro after I moved out. Immediately they were like, we got to get out of this curse house. And they like, they try to, and they also, they try to,

curse house. Something's wrong with the child we raised here. And also they tried to lose you. Yeah. They moved out and then didn't tell you. No address. And you just showed up one day. Hi.

Well, he's back. You found us? I went back to my old, my childhood house and there's like, there's no Wigas here. This is an old time malt shop. So I, but I,

but there was a, there were like summer camps that would go and stay in the dorms there. And I was living an apartment off campus, but I had friends who were like living on, they had a few designated dorm floors for people who, like still live there. And these high school kids would come and they were so fucking horny. They were like just fucking each other.

These camps were just like fuck camps. And I was like, I was outraged. I was like, what is going on? Yeah, I don't like that. Yeah, I don't agree with them being fuck camps. And to correct you, if I, if I had been there, I would have created some sort of bubble that would have levitate like an electronic robotic bubble that would have lifted me above campus into the air and I look down at the kids and go,

Tisk, Tisk. It's a Dr. Manhattan move. Yes. We should stop. They all stop. Wow. Dennis Kuberman, stop.

It's 2003 somehow. To correct you, it was actually my high school, my future high school that we did. So you were in middle school going to high school? I was in like maybe elementary slash middle school. Oh, that's fine. That's okay.

Yeah. I would say in the best years of your life or the summertime is between. I agree with that. They feel like they last forever. 12 weeks feels like it goes on for an eternity. A day feels like a lifetime and a lifetime feels like a lifetime. And then you go back to school and it feels like so much time has passed. It feels like things are completely different.

That sounds like you're just quoting Boys of Summer right now. Liger, you are the ghostwriter on Boys of Summer, yes. I'm just saying the other day I saw a Bosefiz sticker on a Cadillac. A what sticker? I don't know, what was it? What is it in the original song? A deadhead sticker. But what did you say?

Bosefiz. What is Bosephi's? I said different. I think that's from a Primus song. Oh. All you could remember is the Atari's cover. They said Black Flag sticker, but I knew that. wasn't what you were referencing. Oh, that sucked. But there was a emo band that covered

Boys a Summer in their early Audies. Yeah, that was it. That was the Atari's. Yeah. Oh, that's what you meant. I'm sorry when you said, I thought you, but you played an Atari game that had that song on it. I had never gotten that clarification. I would have a, the most advanced Atari game that plays boys summer. They said black flag. Yes, you're right. You're right. The, the, have you guys ever heard the Atari 2,600 Ghostbusters theme? I wonder if I can find it. No, I'd love to hear it. It's so fucking bad.

It's like worse than that because it had like one. Let's see if this, let's see if this video even has it. I hope the Nintendo one even sounds like that. Sounds accurate so far. And that's it. It's like a Nokia ringtone. That was from Ray Partier. Parker the third.

Paul, so speaking of going home, do you go home for the holidays? Is that normally your, I know you're a family man now? Jonathan Taylor Thomas it? Do you Jonathan Taylor Thomas it? You know,

that's funny that I would mention Jonathan Taylor Thomas around the Thanksgiving holiday because my first year in L.A. I'm not using this as a way to back into an anecdote. This is true. Right.

When you said home for the holidays, it made me think JTT, and then it made me think, when if I ever had any JTT crossings in L.A.? Don't get your hopes up. But once on a Thanksgiving night, my two friends and I, we were like, oh, let's go out to eat. There's no places open on Thanksgiving night.

So we went to Mel's Diner. Oh, yeah. On Santa Monica. I like Mel's. Yeah. One of Rip Taylor's favorites, RIP, but Rip Taylor, we go there all the time. RIP, Taylor.

Mm-hmm. He would have liked that. He'd throw up a big bucket of confetti right now. Rip Taylor ruled. He was such a funny, weird guy. He was great at the end of jackass. He's great into the jackasses. Yes.

Hey, let's hear for Rip Taylor. He's great. It was awesome. Yeah. But when we got out of Mel's diner, we saw like a hot corvette with the license plate JTT. Whoa. Wow.

And my friends and I automatically assumed wrongfully, Jonathan Taylor Thomas is probably a huge asshole who drives around with his initials on his license plate on Thanksgiving night. It's not true. He doesn't seem like that guy, but we followed the car

for many blocks. In hopes of like getting next to him and being able to look at JTT and he drove, whoever it was, drove off too fast and we couldn't catch him. Wow. My friend Nate was out here for my friend Nate was out here just visiting

Nate White. Did you just call him Nate? I call them Big Brother, honestly, if you want to know what I called him. Yeah. Wow. Wow. And like the 1984 way. So he's monitoring you. He's a good guy. He's a great guy.

And his wife, Jackie. And I was like, that's Tom Arnold. And he was like, oh my God, that's Tom Arnold. And then he went to take a turn to like, go into the gas station the Tom Arnold was in and got side swiped. And the rental car was like destroyed. And then we pulled into the gas station because the car was destroyed. And the guy was there, not Tom Arnold.

And he was like, and the guy was like, I didn't see anything. That's what he said. He's like, I didn't see anything. He got to his car, the Tom Arnold guy. No one was hurt, though. It doesn't seem like. No, no, we were fine. Okay, great.

Did your friends say, uh, my wife's, is the name of your fictional sister-in-law. Jackie. Did he say that? Yeah, no,

of course he did. And did John, what, did Jonathan Taylor just say, that's good? Tom Arnold was a very, he was a, oh,

Tom Arnold, I'm sorry. Yeah. Jonathan Taylor Thomas Arnold. It was what those, stories are. That's the before and after Wheel of Fortune. The Wheel of, oh, that is

wait, before and after is, wait, is it before and after Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune? I thought it was only Wheel of Fortune. I thought so too, but they might do it on both. Oh, because I bet it's a category that's before and after. It's like, this home improvement child star likes to fuck

Roseanne's second husband. Jonathan Taylor Thomas Arnold. He likes to fuck Roseanne's second husband. I watched the most embarrassing. And we could talk about other things. But I got to tell you, I was, I went down a hole on YouTube of really the most embarrassed. I'm like blushing thinking about it, like a home improvement.

Like, do you remember they would do this thing that it was like, now we're going to bring out the tool band. And we're going to play a song. And it was like talking heads like burning down. the house. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, man. It's more apparent than anything you can imagine. Don't watch it. Don't watch it. Okay, well.

Tom Arnold is a nice guy, by the way. He held the birthday boys out in a, in, in, uh, and later times. That's right. Yeah. He invited you guys to do, uh, this show. Yeah, yeah. We did, we did, we did, like, did, uh, we did some of those. We did some of those sunset boulevard clubs. We did the laugh factory and the old those with Tom Arnold. Always a tough environment for anything but stand up in those venues.

Bob Sagitt was mean to me. Yeah. Because we did the sketch, we did the ropes and underwear where we come offstage naked. And he was like, huh. It kind of was like, oh, that's like what you're going to do to get a laugh kind of. It wasn't those words exactly. Oh, Mr. Filth himself. Yeah, I know.

I know. The clown prince of dirtiness is waving his finger at you guys from his big ball. And Steveo was there and he had just started to stand up that night. I remember it was a very strange night. I was going to say that I could maybe get into Disney for free because I look so much like Heimwick from Bug's Life. The big caterpillar creature. Big caterpillar. And then also I have this wager to play.

This is the nest. that's the ghost that's the that's the Nintendo version you know there weren't a lot of NES games with any sort of digitized speech so that's not bad so you think that's good

okay interesting yeah I think it's good skate or die yeah die die die die that was the only other vocalization I knew of yeah even up until even through the 16 bit era wasn't very common and then all suddenly you turn on Sonic and

say you come on and blows your socks off I got I was pissed I was pissed I was pissed that day. Because they won the battle. They won the battle. It was like seeing Sputnik orbiting above the North America.

You're like, oh boy. Look at that flashing light. Some Russian dog named Sonic. It was floating around. He's going to die up there. He's going to die in his floating tomb, but it's still progress. That's what happened to that dog. He died?

He died, yeah. They sent him up there. They knew it was a one-way ticket. They're like, we're going to send this dog up there, and he's going to be up there until he runs out of of oxygen. Yeah, that was from a commandeer cat. Meow meow,

sent him up now, meow, meow, meow. Let me do the blast off, meow, meow, the thing with the thing with commandeer cat is if he could just cut the meows out of his speech. Yeah, he's a very bad spy. I mean, it's impressive that he can

talk at all, so I'll give him a pass on the occasional mehows. Oh, man. Oh, but I didn't answer your question. I don't, I've never gone back home. I don't think for Thanksgiving since I graduated high school. Wow. Yeah, like in college, I would, I would live a real Dutch experience. Remember the movie Dutch?

Of course, with Ed O'Neill. Right. Yes. And everybody goes home for the holiday and he sticks around. Maybe more of a Halloween H2O kind of experience where the kids all go off from the academy. Yeah. That's, you know, that's, and then they hang back. When I was, that is, that's during things.

Thanksgiving, right? Is it or no? No. No. No, it's sweet Halloween. Oh, yeah. That would be quite a twist if a Halloween movie was set on Thanksgiving.

I was, I was Googling Thanksgiving movies. I thought that like a weird horror movie like that came up. Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, killing. Thanks killing, yes. If the, it would be an interesting twist

if one of the Halloween movies was like, like, well, we made it through that Halloween safe and sound. And then Mike Myers like, just chills Michael Myers and comes out, pops up at Thanksgiving. And then that's when everyone's like freaked out. That reminds me. And he's wearing a big turkey mask. Yeah.

My friend, uh, DJ, uh, DJ, uh, Turner. I don't know. No, no, I would never do that to you. It was DJ Rex, clearly. DJ Ruden. He was so funny once, uh, in high school, I saw him. And he was like, oh, I watched Judge Red last night. Judge Red was on TV.

It was like, oh, yeah. And he was like, yeah. And, you know, in the beginning, they showed Judge Dredd, like, solve one case at the very beginning to let you know he's good at what he does. Right. And then he was like, then he went on his little Judge Dredd adventure for the next hour and a half, two hours. And then DJ said, I thought it would be really funny if after the big adventure was over, after that was done, he just solves one word case like at the beginning.

And now anytime I watch any movie where they show the first. first time and it's like, this is what he does and he's good at it. If like the last time but it was like, yeah, and he did it again. What are you worried about? He's good at his job. Like if that was the end of minority reports, he just gets one more minority report. One more pre-kind prime, prime salt. Well, we've got these, we've got the Thanksgiving holiday coming up, but you know what?

We're not too far from Christmas. And we've got a Christmas-themed slurpy. We're going to taste test here. Let me get the name of this one up. Because the day after Thanksgiving is basically Christmas begins. That's true. The Christmas slurpy is going to be on everyone's lips. And this Christmas slurpy.

And this Christmas list. And this Christmas. Imagine if you woke up Christmas morning and you unwrapped a gift and a slurpy was in a box. Just loose slurpy fluid. It's too loose. Thanks, step parents. What?

We filled it up this morning. My stepdad is Matt Bester. Right, Danielle? This is Mary Mashup Mountain Dew, a limited edition, holiday do in slurpy form. So I've got one big slurpy with three straw. I don't think the pilgrims are bringing this to Thanksgiving, okay? Chachah! You know what, that cadence reminds me that because you brought up Dutch,

there's a Dennis Miller joke from the MTV Movie Awards that stuck with me. At one point in the show, he just sort of like goes in between. presenters and it's just like Breaking News Dutch is now available on laser disc I love when really terrible jokes that those comedians have likely

forgotten. Yes. Have lodged into the braids of the person listening to them. The one I always think about is Paul Reiser did Clinton's inauguration. Oh yeah. 92 and a 93. And he was like, eh, the

the president gets his own theme song? This is the only guy who gets his own theme song. I'm doing Terry Seinfeld is Paul Riser. He was like, it's not like

the dentist has his own theme song. I am the dentist. I'm here to pull your teeth out. All right. Hello, we remember jokes. That's all I'm trying to say. Dick Gephardt just sitting there stone face.

I did get my teeth pulled out today. I called into Dennis Miller's talk show when the birthday boys was coming out. and I did a bad job and he like didn't like me. It was a strange moment. You had to be like. Like his radio show?

His radio show. What were you supposed to do? You were on like as yourself? I was on like as myself. Yeah. So they were like he was like Mike Mitchell from the birthday boys. So tell me a bit about it. And then I was like it's Bob Oden Kirk producing.

He's like how is Oki Dokey Kirk? That's great. And I was like he's good. And then he was like, what do you think about like the Red Sox this year? And I was like, well, I think that they are they have. And I like went into like a big long wrong lab. Yeah. rebebling thing.

And he was like, okay, babe, see you later. Hung up the phone. Now let's talk about the urgent need to renew the Patriot Act, baby.

Paul, we're gonna let you try this Christmas slurpy first. Yes, please. On to the blue straw. Paul, like,

like Mitch acted like he got bad that I chose the blue straw, which was very funny. It was funny. Like Mitch, you are a, I'll let you take this sip, but I'm going to ask a question while you're sipping. Like Mitch, you are a good Catholic boy. Do you go to church for Christmas?

Wow. Or did you? You do still? Yeah, I was expecting you to ask, do I go to church? I was going to say period, but it's actually, do I go to church question mark? And I do. I go back when I'm back home.

We go to a nice darkened church. for Christmas math. You know, the thing I had a priest who my sister, my oldest sister, Amy and I would always laugh at, not always, because it only happened twice when I was in my early 30s, but he would go, Christmas is about the passion,

the raw, hot passion of Christmas. What the hell? He's like, we get all lost. in the gifts, but it's all about the passion. It was like, me out of here. That's, I've told, I've said it on this podcast before, but it was right after spotlight and the priest was saying that we have to support the priest in their time of need at the last Christmas Mass that I remember going to.

And I told you that big Jim Ryan led Micas and Scoop out of the church and he was pissed off. Like during, during the mass. That's great. As a sign of like, hey, we're not going there. Yeah, he was like, let's get the fuck out of here. Yeah. And he left during the mess. Wow.

It was tough as a person raised Catholic to have any sort of critical opinion about the movie spotlight. Right. Because it seemed like it came from a defensive position. Yeah, I know what you mean. My wife's Jewish and she was raised Jewish. And so after we saw a spotlight, I was like, I just thought they could have given a stronger female character.

It's like, uh. What 23 years of Catholic upbringing to my scene? You want to hear my thoughts on Spotlight? It's more fantastical than the Lord of the Rings series. More fantastical. These nice priests. Okay. No, it was a monstrous story to watch.

Yeah. It happened right near me too. It was well done. It was what we, what was the movie that came out right after there was a Spielberg made a spotlight

about something else. What the phone was it called? Lot spite. Oh, that's, he made a lot spite. And it was about a parking lot that had some anger issues.

Some really mad parking lot. It's voiced by Paul Giamati. Sounds like a Christine sort of movie. It was kind of, yeah. You're talking to the post. The post, that's what it was.

Yeah, the post. And I, you know what, I really like a newspaper movie. Yeah, well, we texted about our love. Yeah. We were talking about the paper.

Remember the three of us? Oh, yes. Newspaper movies are, it's always, because it's always like pursuing a story and there are real stakes, but they're also like it's not, I mean, it sometimes can be life or death if it's a journalist, you know, pursuing, depending on the story they're pursuing, but it always feels like there's urgency behind it. I like it. I wonder if it's, I started this with the lilt of comedy, but I'm making a true point, that

I wonder if, like, journalism stories that are interesting because as someone who writes in the media to see that experience elevated to, like, ooh, this has actual stakes. It's not just, I go in and I write some jokes. Right. It's like, ooh, it's kind of fun to see. What if this stuff had a... What if my work had any consequence? Well, I mean, all those people suck because their work has consequences.

We hate them because of the Horacek concerts. It's fun to be silly. It's true. But the reason we were texting, and let's just get this out on the table before we get in the podcast, because I think we need to clear the air on Halloween night. You guys were texting some silly jokes to me.

Oh, yeah. And maybe the first time I've ever in front of either of you have ever gotten a little hot out of the collar. And it was just a text that you didn't even have to see my face. I think I wrote Guys, I love you But I'm trying to give my daughter a bath And it's been a long Halloween

And then like two days later I looked back at the text And I felt so bad But it wasn't even impolite It was totally reasonable Like it was fine We were just I haven't pulled up

Can I tell you Can I tell you what Nick and I were talking about Yes Yeah get the transcript So imagine me Trying to read these texts and open my phone with a wet finger, but I can't. Daughter's been probably hyped up on Halloween candy.

Yes. I said, I said 365 days a year. I prayed to God to grant me Beetlejuice's powers. And Halloween is the day just gets rubbed in my face. That has been 37 years and I am powerless. And then Weiger said, Beetlejuice is gross.

And I said, excuse me? And he said, he's cool, but he's gross. Like the mask is just cool. And I said, okay, oh, okay, because why? Because he farts.

And he said, I mean, yeah, he seems smelly and unclean and gross teeth. He's probably got bad breath. I bet people who says bad breath. And then I said, he's dead, dude. And he says, that's an explanation, not an excuse. And I said, yeah. It's true. And I said, the mask's breath smells like roses.

And I did an eye roll emoji. And I said, also the mask isn't cool. And he said, sure thing, Mitch. And I said, and I did say, sorry about this, Paul about Nick. And then you said, you noticed a leg in my reply. Response time. And then Nick, you said, he loves it. And he's on my side.

He's texting me separately. And I said, I don't believe this. Paul loves Beetlejuice. I love him too, but he's gross. I can love a gross monster. He's cool. And then Paul, you said, guys I love you but I gotta stop

I bet you're gonna stop I guess I got a kid screaming in my face on the tub my fingers are too at to text my fingers are too at to text and then Nick said hello sorry buddy and I said sorry with the with the gritting teeth of most emojis both of those texts are burned in my mind of

this is what happens when you send an angry text to your friends well then you did and then Mitch texted me separately what the fuck is this problem? And then and then and then Paul you said, hey dude, you texted this later like a week later. Hey,

I want to circle back and say I'm sorry. And then we said, no problem, dude, but you still haven't weighed in on who is cooler. And I still didn't. Um, and then you said between Beetlejuice and the mask,

I'll just be safe and go with everyone's favorite, the shadow. Yes. Funny joke. A good choice. I really wanted the shadow to be good. So I like kind of willed myself and to think. thinking that it was good.

Both, the reason I chose those, they were both summer of 94. Right. We were in the mask or the shadow. Remember everywhere. Kids were like, whose team are you on? Team Mask or Team Shadow.

Everybody remembers that summer. You know what? I was just thinking about that is difficult to convey to young people is just how huge in the 90s the Adams family was. The Adams family was so fucking popular.

It was like the Adams family was like Batman. It was like on the same level. They made two Adams family movies that were as big as the two Batman movies. And the first one sucked. The first Adam's family? Yes. Oh, dude?

Oh, interesting. Well, that's how I felt, guys. I haven't rewatched it. I like the second one. I like it. The second one's really good. And when I, in the theater, my experience was, oh, this first Adams family isn't good. Oh, I'm kind of let down.

This was really built up for me. And then the second one I saw, and I had a grand old time, the box office disagreed. The first one was it? The second one wasn't. Second one wasn't a hit. Yeah. I was convinced it was a huge movie. Yeah, that's crazy to me.

That's, uh, I, I, I know that the Super Nintendo game was good. Yeah. The pinball, pinball was good. No, no, the, the side scroller. Oh, you're thinking of the side scroller. I was thinking of Festers quest, which was the overhead one, which might have been for NES. I played that, that side scroller for Super Nintendo quite a bit. Yeah.

And then the, but have you, have you played the pinball? The pinball is a good. Yeah, the pinball is a good game. That I have played Festers quest. Yeah. Uh, and, uh, the Adams family, uh, when it came out, a couple years after it came out, our gym teacher,

did you guys ever have the experience of, like, a teacher starts talking to your classroom? And you can tell they just got done talking to other teachers that they're kind of, like, warmed up. And other talking a little bit more, not like dirty or loose or anything. It's just like they're a little bit more friendlier. And I remember a gym teacher, like,

started out off the gym class, be like, who remembers the Adams family? And we're like, just came out as a movie a year ago. don't, you're not aware of this, so we'll just sit here and pretend. This wasn't re-created as a movie. But then he was getting all the details wrong. So, and we knew they were wrong.

So he was like, and who remembers? And he put up his hand. And the name of the hand was thing. Yes. And he went, who remembers? Hand. We all looked at each other. Like, nobody's going to correct them.

Well, this stuff deals to Garfield because the greatest confusion ever by one of my teachers. I love this. I know this and I love it. I feel like I probably set it on doughboys before. You may have, but people will love to hear it again. If they haven't, they'd love to hear it for the first time. Did we use it as a reference on comedy banging the TV show? We very well may have.

Yeah. So this might already exist, but real quick. In junior high, I had a science teacher. And I had an English teacher who had a picture of Garfield with books tied to him. And the poster said Garfield was saying, I'm learning by osmosis. And the joke was like, I'm tying books to me. So I don't have to read them. I could just learn my own.

So our science teacher was teaching us osmosis. And he said, it's, you know, osmosis. It's like the poster in the other room. And we're like, huh? It's like, you know, with the books. And he starts laughing because he thinks the poster's funny. And he goes, the little orange kid. The little orange kid with all the books tied to him.

You're like Garfield? He thought Garfield was a little orange kid. So apparently I was educated by some real pop culture, illiterate teachers. I don't want to. I hate to guess this. but that man's dead now, right? No, I think he's alive. Wow.

But it seems like only a man that clueless would have to be like 92 years old when he said that to us. In a mental hospital talking about the orange kid? Snored kid, I tell you. Strapped a books. Here's the, here's my thing. The thing that really puts that story over the top for me is that even if you don't know Garfield as an intellectual property, how do you look at a drawing of Garfield and not know that it is. is a cat.

What about him his child? Ears, whiskers. Naked? There was a naked boy holding books? I like your light of thinking with his likeer.

Let's think of what made him think that was a child. Yes. And I like to think my science teacher when he grew up his neighborhood best friend was a naked

orange kid with whiskers. In a tail. And a thick tail. He's like, that's an orange kid. My best friend. Had no good boy in his tail. Well, the slurpy was bad.

We never really said it. Oh, I liked it. To me, it just tasted like cherry. It tastes like a machine. Hmm. To me, it just tastes it like cherry. It was like Linda Hamilton. After her first date with the Terminator.

She went on a date with the Terminator. Yes. And she kisses that. Terminator? Yes. Judgment Night was originally Terminator 2, date night. I liked it. I mean, it's a little water melody. Yeah. To me, I just tasted cherry icy. Is there a watermel? I couldn't tell what the flavor is supposed to be. It's very slurpy. It's very ambiguously just merry. It's not like anything, anything identifiable to me. It's just red. To my tongue red. Yeah, it definitely has some. It, it, it, your tongue was black.

Black is night. My tongue is a snake now. Beal juice. Sorry. My breast stinks. That was his catchphrase. Beetle juice is cooler than the mask. Yes.

I think that Beetle juice is better than the mask. But I think as far as like a cool dude, I think the mask is cooler. The mask isn't cool. I think if Beetle juice, like, as a friend, you'd want the mask. You'd want to bring. the mask do a party. Right.

If you... No, I'd rather bring Beetlejuice. He's funny. But people would be like, who's this weird, smelly guy? With bad breath. Yeah. So people say that about me. I'm cool. Beetlejuice is a perfect film, though, huh? It's really good. Yeah. The mask is a piece of shit. Yeah. The mask isn't great. Although just star Cameron Diaz, my high school alumni. Yeah. Whose name you say strange always. I think I say it normal. I would trust you above anybody. Oh, how about that? You know... The man who went to the same school as her? If Laura DeRod

from my high school and become a hot big movie star everyone was like Laura Derade I'm like Laura Derade I knew her

Did you know Cameron Diaz? No she was much older than me Yeah I think she was older than my older brother too Hmm

Yeah I can't She was she was 19 when the mask came out And that movie was She's just a good She's a good amount of Was you

Did your brother go to school At the same time as her No I think I think she was older than My older brother So she would have graduated 92 maybe. It sounds about right.

Yeah. Maybe she was older than that when the mask came out. But no, no, she was, she had been like there were stories of her being there, but that she wasn't. And now she's retired, which I think is real cool. Is she actually retired from acting? I think essentially, like, uh, Julia Roberts did this like 10, 15 years ago. And then, uh, the big one is, um, Audrey Hepburn. Oh, yeah. Was like, or the big big one is Grace Kelly, I guess. Or somebody goes, you know what? This kind sucks. Right. I'm going to go for the rest of my life wearing nice clothes and enjoying myself. Yeah, enjoying myself. You know who I like to did that? The actor who played Andy Sippewitt Blue. Oh, yeah. What the, oh, what the, what's his name? Dennis Franz. I just watched his,

for some reason, I got into like Dennis Franz's last scene on NYPD Blue and I watched it. I was never, I don't think I ever watched a whole episode of NYPD Blue. But it made my little lower lip, tremble. It was very movie. Just in the two minutes I watched it. I was like, oh God. Sipowitz is moving on. He's a good actor. Oh, yeah. The best. What was his, what was his, like, how did his character arc resolve? Like, did he, did his character die? What happened? He explodes. But he plays it super real. It's just like super. Yeah. You believe it. I think I'll be moving. Just like giant explosion. Oh, and there's like slices of pizza on people. that freak was eating pizza before he came in here

and then they did this weird ABC tie-in where the pizza landed on Urko and he was like, just enough cheese it's like, oh God. It landed on Earth landed on Urkel and he said, just enough cheese.

And so Family Matters started exactly at that moment. Yeah, you know, it takes place to Chicago and NYPD Blue takes place to Chicago. Should we try these holiday M&Ms? Yes, we have another holiday snack we were going to try again. I had a peanut Eminem earlier, so I'll be able to...

Oh, boy. Actually, I don't think Paul should be able to taste them anymore. I think he can give us an unbiased take. In the same day that he's had peanut Eminem's? Yes, I think that, I think he... Oh! Oh, no. Oh, no, I was wrong.

It's stinging! It's burning. It's burning all my tongue. Weiger. I forgot that the M&Ms, it's like the time cop, a principle where you can't have two of the same thing in the same place at once. If you've eaten an M&M earlier in the day

and you have another one. Matter can't occupy the same place at the same time. I just had one M, but then I had a second M. Oh boy. Oh boy. I don't like these. I hate mint. These are holiday mint M&M's. Mint sucks. And I think I've said it on this podcast before. Oh, you want me to eat candy?

Oh, it tastes like toothpaste. Thanks a lot, dickless. I agree. This isn't good. I mean, I have some mint chocolate combos I'm okay with. I do like a good mint chip, but this is not a good execution of it. No. When you're saying Dickless, are you speaking specifically to the Eminem guys?

Yeah, who are Dickless. I checked. Eminem guys actually all have cloacas. So. What's that? You know, the bird like an organ that's a dual purpose for urination defecation. Human should have that too. Yeah.

Just put all in one tube. Give me one orifice. If I could pee out my butt and just have my wiener's just for like nothing. For nothing. For nothing, yes. That's what I meant. Nothing, honey.

Yeah, leave it to God to put a recreational facility through the sanitation. Murp, burp, murp. I heard a guy say that in college. I was like, fuck you, you're not my friend. He was also the guy who after a play rehearsal. We were walking back to the dorms. And he was like, oh, it's almost 10. That's good.

I still have time to make friends. It's like, what? And then he meant, Friends comes on at 10 o'clock. So he still has time to make it to watch Friends. Oh, no. But true of our words, I've never been spoken. This guy reminds me of me.

Yeah, that's what? Did you, we're always trying to make friends? Yeah, but in the real way. with Snowman you'll be Rachel you'll be Ross it was Ithaca that is I've said this to Wager before

but I remember orientation I was with like a group of guys and we didn't go to like the orientation thing which I just should have gone but afterwards we all went outside and like the leader of this group of kids I was hanging out with like went up to a girl they had like glow sticks like glow necklaces

and he's like can I get your glow necklace and she was like sure and then like every other guy did it and then I didn't have one and they were like Mitch you're going to do it too right like you're going to ask a girl for the and I was like and it was that moment where I was like I'm not friends with any of these people anymore and I never hung out with them ever again. Camp's good for that reason. Yeah it's good. Yeah.

It was college. Oh, okay. Okay. It was my freshman orientation of college. Previously, I mistook college for camp And this time I mistook You got your camp and college mixed up

Oh boy Isn't that the fucking dorkiest shit on earth? Yeah. Well, yeah, I know people doing that sort of shit Is kind of like, all right, you're trying to do hard. It also sucks. I was just, I heard Norm McDonnell talking about

He was like, somebody at Larry King was like, Norm, you must have been the class cloud. And Norm McDonnell was like, no, I tried to make jokes. And nobody laughed. And then I'd look at the guy who was making jokes I was like, he's hack. He sucks, right?

And I was like, hmm, that's probably his experience for most people is. No, for sure. You could constantly surrounded by unfodied people.

Well, yeah, because it's like, the class clown in, you know, in middle school or whatever is,

is just like, all righty then, you know. Just like referencing other things. It is really good. Um, Okay, so let's talk about Garfield's Thanksgiving. Let's, should we rank the Slurpee in the-

Quit bullshitting and talk about Garfield's Thanksgiving. We have some business to take care of here. Let's quickly rank the Slurpee in the Eminem's just for, because I need to. A Slurpee is better than the M&M. Slurpy one M&M's do. All right, but then I was going to say, should we give them, I don't know, turkey feathers or something? Oh, yeah, okay.

I'll say the, we'll give these Christmas themes next, turkey feathers. I will give the Slurpy three turkey feathers and the M&M's one turkey feather. Hmm. Yeah. I'm going to say two and a half feathers for the slurpy and half a feather for the M&Ms. Wow. And this is on a scale of one to one feather. Yeah. How many out of one feathers? Say one feather for the slurpy and one feather for the M&M. I agree. So if you're maintaining the turkey feather spreadsheet for dough boys, go ahead and update your rankings there. So Garfield's Thanksgiving was released in 1989. I thought this was older than it was. for some reason, but this came out. I've read that before.

I thought this. This was older. Mitch is drinking more of the slurpy. And chasing him with those eminps. He's dropping the epineves into the slurping. They won't go through the straw. Directed by Phil Roman, written by Jim Davis and Kim Campbell. Directed by film Roman.

Film Roman. I mean, they do the Simpsons film Roman. I wondered when I saw Roman. I wondered if it is the same Roman. It's very possible. It would be a good man. It was directed by Phil Roman. Phil Roman, yeah. Oh, from film Roman. Oh, so film Roman must be its own. Oh, weird. Yeah. Could very well be the case. The first couple of seasons of Simpsons, I think it was the Rugrats people, the Cuskis. I don't know how to say their name. Oh, yeah, Glasby, Cusco. Yes. Yeah. No, I know what you're saying. Yeah. And then they were like, you know, what these film Roman guys seem to be a little bit more on the ball. Yeah. So they went over to them, right? But so that's when I sound like this. Homer Simpson. Hey, Homer. How's Lisa doing at school? Oh, Mo, she's beautiful, but Bart's always bothering her when she's trying to practice her saxophone. Oh, homie, let me get you a beer on the house. No, not tonight. I got to go back to Mars and be a good dad. Sam Simon's up in heaven. Laughing. I wrote that.

He brought my characters to life. Why is he watching doughboys? Well, that's interesting because John Hine had a very, you can look it up, like a fight with Sam Simon. Because Sam Simon was like, Hein, how dare you do a show about fast food places? Right. encouraging people to eat unhealthy,

John Hine comes back hard and goes, you created Homer Simpson. How can you even argue that? But anyway, I thought, don't get Mitch and Wiger in the same room with Sam Simon. Yeah. That's why I murdered him. Make sure that would never happen.

So, I think I have an idea of why he'd be watching doughboys. He probably gets alerted at any time, about anything that's dope. related. Time to tune in to the annoyed grunt boys. And it's actually based on the old World War II fighters

who were the annoyed grunt boys and fly the planes, right? So, World War I Infantrymen, I think we're the dough boys. Speaking of which, did, so we're getting into Garfield here. Speaking of which, that'd be a good name for a podcast about sandwiches.

That's true. That is true. That would be great. Or maybe you guys have a little segment about sandwiches called Speaking of Witch. Oh, I think we just came up. You just came up with it. I think I just came. Question mark.

Can you dick out of your mouth, Wager? All right. Jesus Christ. My first question, my first note that I wrote down was, was John in the military. Why? Private Arbuckle! Because there's like weird like, I mean like Garfield tells

Odie like he's like, come on, Soldier, there's just weird things in the beginning where, and I was like, is John a veteran? I didn't know if he was a veteran or not. He might be. What era would, I don't know, he wouldn't have been in Vietnam. He's like a little too young for that.

Can I say, I think he would have been Vietnam. You think so? Yeah, I think after he came back after doing a tour in Nam, he got Garfield and Odie to acclimate him back into it makes sense if he's like 40 in 1989 then yeah he might have been he might have been in Vietnam it makes sense the the theme song to Garfield is all along the

watch tower my second note is my second note is Garfield wants coffee question mark that's a big that's a key that's a key attribute to his person Garfield does like to drink coffee he likes human food yeah in the same way that he likes

lasagna you know it's crazy so he said he said he said said pancakes, more cake less pan. Right. Was one of the lights. Oh, yeah. I'm sure everybody who's listening to this watch the show. So it's boring for me to repeat quotes.

So in, so in the episode starts off and Garfield sees on the calendar that there's a vet visit. Yes. And then he makes Odie eat the, that calendar page. Because today is supposed to go to the vet. And then underneath it reveals that tomorrow is Thanksgiving. You,

you kind of, you kind of blew past a couple of, details, which is one that Garfield wakes up John, who's sleeping in his bedroom, then John breaks the fourth wall, turns to camera and says something, does not do it again. And then Garfield before, he's about to kick Odie off the table and he says this line before he sees the vet calendar, it's time to abuse the dog. Wow. Wow, that's not a play on anything. No, no, just violent. And then he, yes, go on. I just want to quickly say, oh, you're going to say he goes on to check the calendar? Yeah, checks the calendar, takes the Wednesday, Wednesday as a vet visit,

it off and the calendar says Thursday and that it's Thanksgiving and that's how that's established. I just want to say that after this, after I saw that, I pushed pause. I went over to my calendar. And every day that I'd written in the cats have to go to the vet, they're a little bite marks. Wally and Irma had bit their day

the days, the vet days out of the calendar. Oh, they've been missing their appointment. So this must be a cat thing I found out. And you were preparing all these Thanksgiving dinners mistakenly. Where are Wally and Irma? They're in my room in cages. Oh, good.

Do you feel, do you have a kinship with John when you watch it as a... A little bit. Yeah. As, yeah, I've... Cat owner. Yeah. And, like, as, like, we're both dumb asses. I was shocked watching this how dumb John is.

He is a true dumb fuck. He is extremely stupid. Weiger and I were texting a little bit and we both hate John. I mean, I hated John. He is stupid. We were talking about Homer earlier. he is stupider than Homer. He's very stupid. He is very stupid.

Like he's not just like an absent-minded guy. He is truly just like dumb as shit. And why does he get away with it? Let me guess why he gets away with it because he's so fucking hot. Oh, he's a fucking stud and Homer's a little, just a little bit overweight. So he's a dumb ass. Yeah. John Arbuckle's a fucking dime piece.

And so he gets away with murder. Can have an empty head just because he's so fucking sexy with that fucking. You know, guys like John have it so easy. God, if only my nose was a thin slit on my face. And my hair slowly, he turned into black curls, the bottom. No, John sucks. Yeah. And he's dumb.

And I don't think I fully appreciated, like, when I was a kid, I knew he was, like, a loser. Right. but like his level of loserdom, is he the best foil for Garfield? I mean, Garfield needs to be sardonic and put somebody down. So of course, his owner needs to be somebody

who's constantly giving him opportunities to put him down, right? But I feel like John could still have an air of sophistication that Garfield could still get his... Yeah, if it was like a Frazier type, then it would be, you know, because he could be like a stuffy sort of guy.

But here he's just, like a truly stupid guy who you kind of feel bad for because he seems like he's having trouble even functioning on his own. It would be better if John was like a Frazier type. Somebody who took himself too seriously and Garfield kind of takes the wind out of him because otherwise it just seems like Garfield in a term that I'm sure was rampant in 1989 is punching down. It's true. Yeah, it's true. Well, so after the, and Odie, Odie should, uh, foot up. Yeah. Odie should Odie should be evil. Odie should be, I'm trying to fix the Garfield here.

Yes, Garfield should be, or no, Odie should be toxic. Toxic. I kind of like that, I think Odie being happy, go lucky kind of works because it is just, well, I do. I think he's, because he's also just a dog. No, I don't think your fix is necessary. I don't think you need to note Odie. Fine.

Also, I don't want to fix Garfield and Odie. I want them to have kids and have more Garfields and Odie's. Fine. Normal. I just got... Oh, what is, quote, unquote, normal? Do Garfield and...

Do Garfield and Nirmal ever get it on? I mean, Garfield has a girlfriend. Arlene. So I don't know if he fucks Nirmal. I assume that he fucked Arlene. Okay, easy. And Odie. And Odie.

Uh, my guy, I lied to you. they're a thrott it's a thruple situation john and odie john and odie john and odie john john is john is peeking over his sheets that he's seeing garfield fuck i always knew this episode was going to devolve and some sort of garfield is fucking john i just wondered what it was going to have he's peeking over the blankets watching garfield fuck odie and saying, I hope I'm not next. He raises the blanket back up over his head.

So he shows the calendar to John. That reminds John that they have to go get groceries. And that goes in the main titles where you hear this theme, which I actually, it's a little corny, but I kind of like it. Wiger, I told you that I didn't like the intro song. And then in my notes, I have written down, I like the intro song. Well, here it is. Go to the grocery store to get lots of good things to eat.

Come with you. Do the mashed potato, do the candy yam, do the funky turkey cause it's time to jam. If you don't want to dance, baby, that's all right. Do some non-stop shopping to work up an appetite. Make your Thanksgiving one long meal. Focles by Lurals. Yeah. The more you eat, the more grateful you are going to feed.

Bad message? I'd say the more you eat, the more grateful you feel. Keep feed of that monster. This is a real... This cold open is indicative of how little happens in this special. Yes. Because a major plot point is they go to the grocery store. I will say, the story terrain that is covered in this episode is very narrow.

Yeah. It's crazy. they don't do anything. They go to the grocery store. Yeah. And then they have a car full of groceries. Right. And then Garfield's like, where are we going?

We're not going home. And then John's like, we're going to the vet. So that's the whole thing of like he remembered to go to the vet. Yeah. And then it goes out of the car and it shows the car on the road. And Garfield screams and the car goes all around the road. Yeah. Why was the car going?

I think the idea is that Garfield was disrupting John's driving. Like he was like clawing at him or something like that. And the car was steering erratically. But it goes to that top down like Grand Theft Auto 1. Yeah. Point, you know, perspective. Yeah. And then John gets out and he pulls another guy out of his car.

Yeah. He takes the car. He goes from one star to three stars. Cop start chasing him. And so the, in the, so then he, they go to the vet's office. There's a nice little Easter egg here,

the U.S. Acres pig, is in the vet's office. And then the... It's roasting. It's kind of fucked up. And then they go into... He goes to talk to Dr. Wilson, aka Liz, his crush.

You can only... She's looking like you can only see the top half of her head. Right. She's... Oh, God. Okay. Sorry. You're helping me.

And I... Yeah. secluded by offense. And so... Do you think, yeah, Dr. Wilson probably wears one of those air, the mouth cover, surgery. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah.

He'd have to. What was Wilson's job? Doctor. Volleyball. What? He's a volleyball. You know my joke of a castaway. Anytime Tom Hanks would scream, Wilson, Wilson, the shot would get ruined because

his wife would walk on and go, what, honey? On to the island? Yeah. It's funny because she's... She's a professional actor with a like a lot of credits. You'd think she'd understand that he was talking to the character. But just she had like a mental block in this in this case. I thought you were going to say it's weird.

She's an actress with the famous, like they should have made it, you know, not Wilson. They should have been Spalding or something. And then lo and behold, Tom Hanks, Marys, Jim Spalding. Okay, I don't know. Who cares? Who cares? So they, John asked for a date immediately from Liz, the veterinarian. This is very strange.

She's skeved out and then there's, can I just quickly say also like, why does John like this vet? She's truly a miserable person. She's very mean. She never shows him any sort of, she never shows a nice side to him. She clearly is not interested in him. She reflects back to John how he sees himself. They do look exactly the same. All the humans do look fucking. up in have like weird cat faces. Yeah. Mouths. Um,

but she, this episode turns into John wanting to fuck like we, like we thought it would. It's John, it's John is very horny. But, but I don't know. He then,

then he goes on any, yeah, he holds his breath until she says he'll go out with him. Yes. And when he's holding his breath, his face looks like a butt and his mouth looks like a butt hole. Which I think might have, I don't know if you guys picked up on this,

but it looks a lot like butt cheeks. Like he's got big butt cheeks. cheeks and then like a little butthole mouth and like kind of a crack too because of his nose and I think that was probably an animator like sneaking something. They knew. Yeah, they knew what they were doing. They were slipping on the CBS airwaves. She says yes. Yeah, and he lets go of his breath and then also you quickly see a log of shit come out of his mouth. Yeah, she agrees to go out with him. But here, here's the thing. He invites her. This is a first date scenario. Yes. He invites her. I thought that too. To Thanksgiving. Your first date is Thanksgiving.

She doesn't have other plans? She's going to this guy's house? This is insane. It's wild. Also, it's Wednesday afternoon and you haven't made your Thanksgiving plans yet? Yeah, what's going on? This is insane. John is an idiot and she's an asshole.

Yes. These two maybe deserve each other. Gone with the wind. That's the... That's true. That's true. Then maybe it is a good couple, but I... Immediately I'm not liking anyone.

I wrote down Odie is a good guy. So I guess Garfield, the 1989 was already doing what prestige television is doing today. Complicated characters. You sometimes find a likable Mitch? What is this? Garfield or a madman? I saw uncut gems last night. Oh, I heard. And I saw Neil today and he said I saw Mitch and uncutcheos. And I met Adam Sandler. Very good. Right on. Neal told me he had a very funny joke. What was it? The Safty brothers were like, we offered uncut gems to him in 2012. And then he was like, but I was doing a little movie called Little Nicky.

I was like, yeah, that's very funny. It's not true. It was just the funniest title to say. But you got to meet him. I got to meet him, yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. What was it like?

He was really nice. And I told him I was in love. And with him? I said, I'm in love with you just by meeting you right here. You pulled a John Liz. And then you held your breath. and then I woke up in the hospital. No, I told him I was in the show Love.

And he was very nice. Yeah. He was very nice about it. He was a... I met him once. He was a cool dude. That's so cool. He was very cool.

Love one of when a celebrity is just a normal person. Yes. So many are just fucking weird. So Garfield also, as part of this scene, is told that he's overweight and he has to go on a diet. So he got, they go home. Do you heard that Garfield had to go on a diet? so he goes home he gets half a lettuce leaf to eat and Odie is appointed this is another military thing Odie is appointed

the diet monitor he has a whistle to notify John when Garfield breaks his diet oh and then we get to the talking scale sequence where I was going to say this is this is the funniest segment in the movie it is and it's like five minutes of a 22 minutes special is Garfield communicating with a talking scale yeah I like that a lot yeah and so they go on this long run because the Garfield stays on like the scale has like an AI. It's like a Siri. But then also imagine...

This is in the comic strip. Yes. The talking, yeah, the talking scale is part of it. The talking scale is in the comics. Yeah. Oh,

wow. And I also, I thought that was a pretty... They didn't stick to it, but it is a funny premise. Garfield has to go on a diet on Thanksgiving. Yeah. That's a juicy,

funny idea. It's a good premise. That's a good idea. That they almost immediately abandoned it. Yes. also because John cooks horrible food. Yes. So it's kind of like,

why would Garfield be, this isn't upping Garfield's desire to eat more. It's not like he got invited to Liz's house and she's preparing this amazing meal that he's going to. And it's like, but Garfield, you could only eat half a left. Yeah, yeah. I was going to say this. They say he's at the scale says,

judging by your weight, you're Orson Wells. And she makes fun of him because of Orson Wells. This was four years after Orson. Wells had passed away. Oh, yeah. So like a... Oh, interesting. So like a nine-year-old boy was watching this special with no awareness of who this guy is

and then they just spend all, like, just a long run of Orson Welles reference. This nine-year-old boy who's a huge fan of like the magnificent Amberson. He's like, yeah. Does Orson Wells have grandchildren? Uh, I mean, maybe. Is there a chance that his, like, his grandchild was watching this, this special and saw a run? and saw a run on how his grandpa, his recently dead grandpa, his fat. Yeah.

That's funny. No way is my grandpa's fattish Garfield. The thing that I, they did that joke then at the end, the talking, whatever starts at the end, Garfield crushes it. He stomps it to death, yeah. And then as it's dying, it goes Rosebud. Yeah. Which, you know, because they kept referencing Orson Welles and Citizen Kane.

I thought, this machine's commitment to the Orson Wells joke of being like, even with my last dyed breath, I'm going to kick Garfield with my Orson Weldard joke. Or I thought the alternative is they have their own personal Rosebud. And it wasn't a reference to this case. Just like at the end, it was like something meaningful in the scales life. Yes. I like that theory. Maybe they had a friend Roe had some really good weed. Rose bud

Okay Grow up So some more bullshit happens There's some bad cap sequences with Odie What were you to say? I know the bro versus weight Is that the row? It was all about

Who gets the stickiest And the ickyest I'm I was going to say That Garfield is going Garfield goes to the jarfield goes to the jar. Yes. And the jars are labeled cookies. Sugar, flour, salt.

And Garfield opens it up and Odie pops out of the cookies. And then he goes to the sugar. This makes sense. Maybe I just want some sugar. Odie pops out of it. Then he moves on to the flour. Odie pops out of the flour jar. And then he goes to salt. Then Odie's job is to keep these kind of like the security. guard. He's to keep Garfield from eating, yeah, while he's on the diet. So John is a dips shit and he's going to try to, and he's annoying me with how he's cooking. He says the, the turkey has to be buttered. He puts butter on his hands. Yes. Well, it says, it says like, you're

supposed to butter the skin. He's like, okay, I'll do that. And he butteres his own skin. Because he doesn't understand it's the turkey skin. Yeah, he's got some real, he's a very functional man. Amelia Bedelia syndrome. Yes. He doesn't have enough time to roast the turkey that he's frozen. So he puts it in for 500 degrees instead of 350 degrees. Ma! Hey, come on, guys. Uh, oven fries. Set that turkey to 500, ma.

Get your oven fries merch at tpublic.com. Jesus Christ. And get your Garfield merch at pawsink. Check that out. If you guys are interested in Garfield and what's a merch. He completely fucks up dinner. Here's a thing. I just thought it was Paw Sink.

Pawsink? You thought it was Pawsing. You didn't realize it was pause comma ink? Yeah, I thought it was paw sink. You're okay. You thought it was a plumber who likes animal feet. So here's what I want to. The last 30 minutes, please.

I just want to say something real quick. Because we were talking about text we exchanges. We exchanged. And when we texted you earlier, Paul, to do the show, you replied, I just want to let you guys know, I guarantee there won't be any silliness. And I don't know if it's not just on you, but I don't feel like that's been followed. I just, I just want to say Garfield, Garfield tries to sabotage Thanksgiving. Yes. And then he adds garlic to vegetables, what seems like a good idea.

I don't get it. He's like, if I can't enjoy Thanksgiving, nobody will. and then he dumps garlic powder on the unseasoned vegetables. Like, that'll make it better. Okay, so here's what I think. Thanks, Garfield. Can I give you my explanation? Yeah. Garfield thinks that John and this vet are vampires.

He thinks they're Dracula's. Oh, yeah. Got it. I think so. Because there was that, this actually works because there's that scene earlier where John and this say, let's look at ourselves in the mirror. Remember that?

And then Garfield had Odie stand there and watch them and they don't see the reflections there. There's also the, because when Liz is like, I'll come over for Thanksgiving, she's like, I hope you're not serving steaks. And then they wink at each other. And then John is like, to be clear, we're talking about wooden steaks, right? And she says, yes, that's what I meant, the weapon that would kill us. Well, one thing this show, this episode definitely didn't have was steaks.

You're not worried about the stakes of whether Garfield gets to eat a meat. Well, I'm going to say this, that if you think that John is a Dracula, it is cleared up moments later when he has a speech about being a man. Yes. He gives Garfield the speech about being a man. And then he cuts himself shaving. It sucks. Can I say also at 2 o'clock today from 2 to 4.30? I went and saw a marriage story, which was great.

Oh, yeah. To come home a half hour later. sit down and watch Garfield's Thanksgiving. The whiplash. There's a, there's a pride so much during Garfield. There's a close changing montage where John tries on so many outfits. He comes out as an ape and it doesn't look like a costume. No, it looks like he just comes out as an ape.

He turns out into an ape. He turns out into Popeye too. He has like the big Popeye forearms. It kind of breaks reality a little bit. It's fun. And then he gets a little bit wine. and he answers the door in his boxers. He forgot.

He's absentmindedly forgot to put his pants on. Liz roasts him for it. Oh, here's another thing. He goes at Garfield for not telling me he didn't have pants on. Liz also, okay, so the vet visit was yesterday afternoon. It's Thanksgiving day. One day has passed. Liz says to Garfield, who she prescribed the diet to,

how is the diet? I see you're still the size of an aircraft carrier. Yeah. What a fucking asshole. Super mean, but also it's been one day. What do you expect? Yeah, and right. Like, try to give some confidence to Garfield.

There you go. Right. You're looking trim, buddy. But he's a cat. They can't hear him, right? They can't hear him. They don't know his internal monologue. Okay.

Yeah, that's also very, I mean, it's, I know it's the thing about Garfield, but it is weird that, like, they accept that he'll come in, like, with two symbols and wake them up. Yeah. But speech is just, um, bring up. It's too far. They can say mean things to him and they think he won't understand that. Yeah.

That's cruel. I actually start to feel bad for the vet here because the vet says then, you know what? Like maybe you're like, like, if you're getting like, if you're getting messed up or feel like, like, you're feeling tired or lethargic and then he does all these different things. And you get and then it just says dementia. And then he gives a dementia face, which is really strange. Yeah. And then there's a second inch or having problem breathing and then Garfield doesn't breathe and he looks like a butt to.

There's another no breathing joke. Yeah, it is. Yeah. But I was going to say that I... Some per the animation staff is like, let me draw the seeds right here. They can't breathe. That's like, oh, okay.

Jim Davis. Maybe we can give... What if your food hole was your waist hole? Oh, God. Cloacas. He's a loss. We know. We don't.

I was going to say that I actually start feeling bad for the vet because she says, you know what? Maybe you shouldn't... Maybe you'll just do some light exercise and then Garfield kisses her. Yes. So I just want to say that she answers the door, John has no pants on. And then this is the weirder things to me that within on this Thanksgiving day, if imagine if you went over someone's houses and their cat came up and kissed you.

Right. And then later, Opie holds her hand. Yes. That's crazy. What a weird Thanksgiving. If you went over someone's house, their cat kissed you and their dog held your hand. Well, the way Garfield kisses her too, he takes both of the. his paws a butt on the side of her face.

Yes. It gives her a full plan. It's like a full, yeah, full on, and then, and then Odie holds her hand at dinner. It's very strange. Yeah. It would be very, very strange. That's after napping on her lap, which is very cute. Odie likes the vet. Yes, it's clear. So I also thought Odie enjoyed Liz's presence and I felt for Odie where I'm like, he's in this

fucking madhouse. Right. With this idiot odor and this bully cat, he's just so happy to have any sort of warmth or kindness. Right. Yeah. So do you think the vet liked when Garfield kissed her? Do you think she's like into Garfield?

I mean, I can only go by how Jennifer Love Hewitt, who played Liz, the vet in the Garfield movies, feels about Lorenzo music, who did the voice of Garfield. And I think they dated for a few years. Right. I think just like just after John Mayer, that was her next boyfriend, was Lorenzo. music, the voice of Carfield. Oh, great.

What do you want to do? That's dating Garfield. First of all, your name's Lorenzo music yet you're known for as a voice actor. How about that? He should be. Lorenzo. Actor. How great is Lorenzo music, though, huh?

He's great. I love his voice. I love his sort of monotone delivery. It's great deadpan. So John has ruined his dinner. because he's a fucking idiot. And so frozen kind of. We don't, we don't know.

Also, the vet sitting silently with the clock ticking is funny while she's waiting for John. That's a funny moment. Garfield brings John a phone and tries to give him like spends a long time, giving him hints to call his grandma. They should have more fun with the dinner being bad. Yeah.

They just came back in and the turkey was still just kind of the same thing. Yes. Whatever. Yeah, it should have looked worse, but they just reuse the same art. That's right. Grandma shows up and she is a spark plug.

She's cool. motorcycle how much, she's very cool. She says she'll handle everything. I like that the, yeah. Oh, go ahead. No, you go. I just like that the grandma likes Garfield was all I was going to say.

Yeah, I know. She's funky. What were you going to say? Well, I just, you know, I heard granny's coming. Granny's coming. So I was expecting this old female woman to walk up to the door. But this lady rose up on a motorcycle.

She subverts your expectations of what a grandma can be. She subverted my expectations of what a grandma could be. Paul stood up. She's a bird. Paul has taken off his headphones and he is... She's a burden of my expectations and what a grandma could be. Walking around Mitch's living room. He's back at the mic now.

That's okay. So... Are you all right? You're okay? Yeah, I just had my expectations. So, very. So, John, so while grandma is fixing... dinner, fixing Thanksgiving dinner

with a chainsaw. With a chainsaw. John goes in and then just monologues. Yes. Monologues to Liz. Yes. And the joke is... About Thanksgiving.

Yeah. It's the joke is like he's trying to fill up the time. Yes. Yeah. I got to kill time. So I'm going to tell her, I'm going to try to make up facts

about Thanksgiving. Do you guys find that footy? I was just like, mansplaining much. I actually thought that he gave some fun facts about Thanksgiving. This is the area where this is kind of an informative special. I learned things about Thanksgiving. Oh, what did you learn?

From a Massachusetts boy? I knew everything about Thanksgiving. I knew everything about Thanksgiving, but he gives some history. Sure. He talks about Canadian Thanksgiving and it takes place in October. He does. It gives Canadian that Marge just gave a thumbs up. Yeah, he gives, I think if you were a child watching this,

I think Mars gave a wrap it up sign. A middle figure. Yeah, well, John Arbuckle, of course, would have a strong connection with the Pilgrims because before he came over here, his name was just James, John R. Right. And then they went,

and they pointed at their hat. And he went, they're like, finish the last name. It's like John R. This is the pilgrims talking to John R. Did you honor? Yes, you fool?

What can't you understand? If he's a Dracula, he's been alive for hundreds of years. Okay, the Dracula stuff does come into play. Yeah. Then they pointed at the buckle of their hat. He said, okay. So grandma fixes the turkey with a chainsaw. You pretending to be a pilgrim in the Cornsgiving sketch is very funny.

Oh, yeah. I wasn't, they put up the video online. Dutton did. He's so cool. And he put online the video. video of, uh, corn's giving. Oh yeah. But it was a night that I wasn't there. Oh, really? I felt real fomo. That's a bummer. That's a bummer. That wasn't the first one, right? Was that like the second one? Because Mookie's not in it. We did a few times. Yeah. I think that. Yeah, that wasn't,

yeah, that wasn't the definitive cut of corn's giving. That was the one without the full cast. I think you for, thank you for saying that, Mitch. I just sort of blew past that. That was a nice compliment. It was very nice. Yeah. What do you say? What do you say? I come burying corn or something like that. I don't remember what is. It's funny. Pilgrim voice. If I, if, if, uh, the birthday boys and a kiss from daddy, all the sketch group members were there and I had a cast a pilgrim, you'd be the central casting for a pilgrim. Whoa. How about that? I can't think of anybody who.

Yeah. You're boring as hell, dude. You're like those old pilgrims. Oh, it's boring to come over on a ship. Oh, never mind. And start a country. I changed. Sorry.

In your blessed state. This is like my Thanksgiving special where I learned Wiger is cool. for being like a pilgrim. We knew that. Also in that sketch, my dick turned into a corn cow. Yes, that's true too. No, that's not 100% true.

You also pissed corn. I also pissed corn nibblets. They depend on what year it is. Yeah. So anyway, so he's doing this big monologue about Thanksgiving that perhaps has some informative nuggets. It still sucks.

Liz falls asleep because she's so bored. And while this is happening, grandma makes a bunch of treats. She makes the turkey into turkey croquettes which she deep fat fries. Garfield's mouth is watering. She makes the sweet potato. and layers them with marshmallows and Garfield loves it. She says that's a perfect table and then

sneaks away without a word. And Liz is so impressed by the Thanksgiving spread that they just sit down and eat and she's like, she's like profoundly moved by. It also kind of looks like very plain when they show the table. It doesn't look anything too special. But I liked her by the end because she hates John and I get why she hates John. Yes. I thought. But by the end she likes John. She likes them. She cooks. She agrees to come back for Thanksgiving next year. Yes. I thought it was very weird. It's like, well, you guys had a lot of confidence about sustaining this relationship. Right, right. And the grandma also says she's going to kick her ass basically if she doesn't date John. She's like, let her, if she doesn't date my grandson, let me know. And I'm going to set her right or

something. Well, that was actually one of those moments when I was watching this of kind of like art imitating life or they're holding up a mirror to my life because I was like, there's been so many times on Thanksgiving where my grandma tries to get me laid. Yeah, it's very, we can all relate to that. When you're saying, when they're saying grace at the Thanksgiving dinner and what they're thankful for? Yeah. My grandma will lead over to my wife and be like,

Paul is good at those pants. If that doesn't work, what's gotta? So during the, during the meal, another, which another full song plays. And it's just a very serious song. It's just shots.

It's just shots of the four of them. Before we get into that. I know, I know, I know that you want to wrap it up. I know, I can feel you wanted to wrap up. No, I just had the song queued up. Go ahead. I felt like they showed the grandma's form too much. Nick, I know you want to wrap up, but I got to get this up. I guess I think that an older woman can be beautiful.

So I didn't do. I think so too. What in the hell? I'm just saying that they were showing, they were really showing it off. I would just say I feel like there's no age limit on feeling sexy. So I didn't bother me. I'm with you. Especially Garfield, who's probably in cat years, like, by this point, 49.

Oh, yeah. He's gone. Yeah. I mean, at 89, he was 49. Now, who knows? He's probably. Oh, he's dead. He's dust.

The series song, Wager, I know you want to play. We don't have to talk about the... It's a quiet celebration. The grandma's form. We don't have to talk about. A time for counting blessings. A time to make a man. You can hold it in your...

So that's basically it. And then there's a little coda where Garfield and Odie are both stuffed on the couch and John wants to take them for a walk but they're too fat. And then there's a little reversal. Well, now they have to put Odie on a diet. Oh boy. And Garfield becomes a trainer. And by the way, that brings me to. That's like what's going to happen with you and I.

Eventually, I mean, I am getting fatter. I think eventually we're going to switch. I'm tiny now. We're going to do a Benjamin Button and meet in the middle. will be the same weight and then I'll be the fat one and then you'll be the little one Menjim and mutton

there is a difference for the book version of Garfield's Thanksgiving that is notable here at the end of the book there is no mention of any new diets Ode and Garfield

simply sit comfortably with their full bellies as John sees Liz out the door and the three agree unanimously that they have grandma to thank so it's kind of a more wholesome ending I bet the fans of the book were outraged. Oh, yeah.

The choices the adapters made. It's like if you're watching the Zach Snyder watchman and the squid doesn't show up. John gets a kiss at the end of this. Yes. And they kind of do like a cut to kind of everything afterwards. My question is, to you two, who watched the special, do you think John and the vet got it on after dinner?

Or were they too full? Oh, gross. I think they were too... I think because she leaves, I'm guessing they didn't get it on. Wait, oh, you're saying before that kiss, they'd already got it on. For me, I assume that they'd eaten a full Thanksgiving dinner

and that was their first affection. I don't think they actually... Oh, fucked yet. Yeah. Can I say what I think? Yeah. I think that they did have sex and they made sure that Odie and Garfield were in the room

when it closed the door. We want you to watch. That was Odie. Yeah, that was Odie. I didn't like it because I like to imagine John is betrothed to blondie. Dagwood's wife. I like to think John is cuckoldy Degwood.

From a different comic strip. I didn't even realize they were the same universe. That's interesting. Well, it's a little bit like a toy story situation. Right. When we put the Sunday funnies away, we go into the other room, the Gives.

Beetle Bailey is cavorting with Hagar the horrible. Farside is dancing with Pluto. There are so many other titles I had to choose from. And I chose the worst comic and then a cartoon. Mary Worth is sucking off

Jumpstart. Roses, roses, suck in marmaduke's. Okay, let's rate the Garfield's Thanksgiving out of turkey feathers, I guess. I feel bad because the one I said actually happened.

He spilled the tea. You're getting here from Marmaduke, that's for sure. What did we leave off on? Let's rate Garfield's Thanksgiving. Out of turkey feathers, I mean, nothing happens in this special, but it is like, I like that it's only 22 minutes and I feel like a child would like this. I feel like if I'd watch this as a little boy, which maybe I did and I've forgotten it.

I would like it. I'm going to give this three turkey feathers. 22 minutes and a child would like it. The opposite of this episode of Dole Boys. We did talk about the special longer than that. The special actually. That's true. I was counting down those minutes of the 22.

Oh, yeah. I'm 19. I was like, God, kill me. How many on a scale of what? How many turkey feathers? One turkey feather. I'll give it a,

let me think one. I'm going to give it out of one turkey feathers. I'm going to give it three turkey feathers. It's a. Oh, turkey's happy about that. Yeah. Hey, get out of here. I know.

That's weird because we got to pull the turkey feathers off to demonstrate how many there were. That's actually the turkey. I'm going to cut its throat and eat it for Thanksgiving. Oh my God. What? Three turkey feathers. Three turkey feathers.

You told me I was the next. What? You told you told the turkey that he was the next Wally? Like he was going to be in a Pixar movie? The Wally and Irma. Oh. You don't know my cat's name? I know your cat's name, but the way he said it, I thought it was.

That would be funny a bitch was kind of like, hey, maybe turkey. I'll make you the next collie in the Pixar movies. Jesus Christ. Paul Rest, do you have anything you like to plug? I liked, I like the special. Yeah, I liked it overall. I thought it was really good. I overall, I had a good time.

It was very, nothing happens, but it's fine. This is like a sign. Yeah. The life of Seinfeld. Right. His very uneventful life. Well, I have a podcast too. It's about horror movies.

If you like horror movies, me and Matt Garley do it. It's called In Forhees, We Trust, and that's about with Gorley and Russ. And that's about Friday 13th that we do. In Myers, we trust with Geier's and Rust, and that's about Halloween. So, Gordley changed his name to Geier's for the podcast. Legally, he did change it. It was a whole thing. and I offered to change my name to Geier's,

just to make it work, but then it didn't rhyme with trust. Yeah, that would be an issue. But we do have Jason on the show. Whoa, very cool. My best friend from Quincy, Justin Kiley, loves that show. Yeah, that's very nice.

We listen to it all the time. Justin, thank you. Of course. Shout out to Kylie. And hey. Who told us that info during the pizzeria during the Pizzeria Regina episode. That's right.

info. We probably should get into it now. Oh, okay. He told us that the Pizzerie Regina oven had a Nazi simple. Yeah. Anyways. Let's not get into that. Let's talk about,

let's talk about Dunesbury fucking Bloom County. I feel like I'm on an episode of the far. What? I feel like I'm on an episode of the far side. Yeah, you know, it has new, new episodes. It's Monday through Sunday in the newspaper. Well, happy Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving.

Many gobbles to all of you. Gobbles, gobbles. And I know Thanksgiving is a time where we express what we're thankful for. I'm thankful for you guys as friends and I'm thankful for this podcast. I'm thankful for you guys as friends too. I'm thankful for you guys as friends as well,

but not the podcast. And thank you, Mars. for sitting here. Thanks, Mars. You're welcome. Thank you. Great job.

That's it. That's this week. Snowboard. Don't be quietly going. Great job. Gobble, gobble. Gobble. Gobble.

That's this week's so much, no, bye. See ya. Hey, this is Mitch. This is some post show, a post show Koda.

I just want to say that. I was very upset in the special that they never mentioned lasagna, which Garfield loves. That's all. Thank you. Gobble,

gobble, Gobble. That was a hate gum podcast. Get the doughboys double every week only at patreon.com slash doughboys.