Doughboys - UNLOCKED: Jersey Mikes 3 with Jon Daly

Episode Date: January 1, 2026

Unlocked and free for all! Happy New Years Daly! Jon Daly (@jondalygram, Twisted Metal) joins the 'boys to talk Pittsburgh memories, the Manosphere, and Vegas magicians before a review of Jersey Mike's.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to YouTube.com slash doboys media. The following is a free preview of Do Boys Double. Subscribe and get a new episode every Tuesday at patreon.com slash doughboys. Wow, it's no-boy double-d-b-b-old. Wow, it's No-Boys double. I'm Tiger Wiger, along with a smooth bad mic, Mitchel, Mitch. Twisted monthel continues here on Do-Boys Double. Wow.

Twisted, welcome to twisted. I mean, we... It's not welcome, too. We're so deep into it. We're almost done with it. We're almost done with it. There's just a few left. Yes. Yeah. Welcome to Twisted Monthel Wags. Mitch, I wanted to ask you because we're, you know, this is coming out towards the end of August.

We're coming right up against the NFL season. Yes. And, you know, I don't follow the league, but I, you know, I know our guest is, you know, has Pittsburgh connections. 100%. I know you're a big. I actually think I talked to our guest. Well, I can tell, I know that you gave this rule beforehand to tell our deist to tell our guest that they can speak before. Hold on.

Speak before. I didn't tell the deist. to tell the guest that, but I did say we should generally, like, we can generally let the guests know that they, it's fine to speak. And then at the same time, they're like, you can speak before you were introduced. They said this to our guest. We actually should please speak.

I thought that we were told to tell guests. Okay, so this is a miscommunication. It's like, we should keep that in mind. I guess, no, they don't have to, like, stay super silent before they're introduced. Is this a roast with Roastmaster General Jeff Roth? I met as a general with like just more than general

vibes thing, like general note for all of us. It's not that, like, we need to make sure to pass along that information. Do Jeff Ross have a similar dating history? Congrats on that. Thing that just somehow never talked about. He's just fine, I guess. He's okay with it. Me and Kill Tony have been with some of the same ladies.

Oh, no. We both roast, and they love the roaster. I think our guest, when I had an audition, I think I talked to our guest about the Pittsburgh accent at one point. Yeah. Because there was a Pittsburgh, do you remember there was like a Pittsburgh, like a pilot or like a show that was in Pittsburgh that had the, yes. Yes. Yes. We talked about this. Yes. I audition for it for six months. Oh my God. Didn't get it. The perfect. And then it lasted one season and went away. And I truly don't even remember the show at all. Right. But also to keep someone, one of the funniest people in the world on the line for six months. That's great. Good work, Hollywood. I think one of the other funniest people in the world got it. his name is John Glazer

Oh wow All right shit If anyone's gonna get it I was like oh well good He's like my hero Yes That's okay That is always

That's the one When someone who gets something That's very fun That is the one time I'm like all right That's good You know what I can't I can't complain about it

But yeah Because I just like You know came in New York Just like watching him do bits I was like oh you're clearly The funniest person in New York City And then he got the role I was like great good for you

Delocated Fuck you too Were you ever Were you ever on Delocated or not No, no. I was like, so funny. This is one of the funniest shows ever.

Yeah. Now there's, as far as Pittsburgh shows, the pit is set in Pittsburgh, right? I haven't seen it. Yes, the pit set in Pittsburgh.

I have tried to watch it. It's supposed to be very accurate and stuff. There's almost no Pittsburgh accents on the show, which is a lot of times, they just can't do the real, you know, with somebody that's, I mean,

put me on the pit. I would love to do a Pittsburgh accent. That would be so fun. You heard of here. We'd love to see on the pit. Yeah, the only other thing that bugs me about it is that, it is there's no they don't have the rights to use the amount of Steelers jackets and hats that are worn in Pittsburgh cannot be overstated like and they have none of that so it's like or they have like maybe one or two and it's kind of weird and then the other thing is my dad was a doctor and growing up he would take me to his rounds and I would have like an early hockey practice or something and he'd be like all right well since you have a hockey game at at

seven, we're going to get up at 3.30. Oh, my God. And we're going to go to the hospital so I can do my rounds for all my surgeries. And I'd go to these Pittsburgh hospitals with my dad. And he'd be like, all right, we're going to go see this guy. And he'd pull back the curtain a guy. I'd be like, oh, God, help me. And my dad would be like, all right, blah, blah, it's good.

And I remember me? And so, it was so traumatic for me. I remember being like. You were wide awake at this point. You had four in the morning or whatever, yeah. Right away at four in the morning, there's an old man screaming because he's in pain because his body is open still. And I remember distinctly like being seven years old and my dad going like, my dad going, are you feeling better with the catheter in? And the guy was like, oh, so much better.

And on the ride to the hockey game, I was like, so what's a catheter? And my dad was like, it's a long tube that they put inside your penis hole. And I was like, how can you feel better after having something shoved in there? And he's like, try not peeing for a week. And I was like, okay, that's very indicative of my relationship. That's where I go watching the pit. I'm like, oh, man, these horrible mornings with my dad where he was like, every day's take Johnny to work day. Watch these bloody people scream at me.

So intense. Yeah, it was really intense. Fuck. They say yinser at all, don't they say? Isn't yinzer or yin? Oh, yeah, yinzer's a word. Yinser's a word. That's still shout out to Pittsburgh.

It's a great location for things. Do you like the, uh, the, uh, oh God, I knew the name of the sandwich place too. For Manny brothers. For Manny brothers, yes. For me, I mean, I think that people say that. For me, that was kind of a joke growing up. I was like, yeah. Nobody likes this.

Sure. And it's a thing that, it's like that Cleveland like, oh, the Cincinnati, uh, chili is on Well, it's just because they had a lot of surplus spaghetti in World War II or something. And they're like, okay, this is our national food. Just accept it or whatever. And so French fries and coleslaw on a sandwich, nobody wants that. I remember because we had you on previously to discuss this same chain. And I remember the same discussion about Permanati brothers because it was like, you know,

it's naturally the place you go when you think about Pittsburgh and sandwiches. But yeah. But it's a Pat's and Gino's. Exactly. It's more of a tourist trap. Pat's and Gino's. Yeah, yeah. It's like the best cheese steak is at other, like other places in Philadelphia, not Pats and Ginos.

Pats and Gino's a lot of people like, it sucks. They're not good cheese steaks. I've had them. They're pretty good. I mean, that's the thing about, for me, the thing about like the local hotspot. Yeah. They're still sometimes pretty good. But you're a dumb-ass tourist.

What are you now? Yeah, I'm not sure. But in the L.A. Pats and Ginos is Filippe's and Coles. Yes, Coles is now shutting down. We talked about this on a recent episode. It's a real bummer. Yeah, the two French dip institutions here in Los Angeles and one of them, Coles, which is more of a speak-easy, you know, more of a nice, chill hang, that place is shuddering. And I prefer Coles to...

I prefer Coles. I prefer Coles. I have more fun at Coles. Yeah. I have more fun at Coal's. I like Coles might be the better sandwich, but I have more fun at Coles. Yeah, it's great. Yeah, it's great.

I like the sandwich at Coles better, too, personally. I mean, I like Philippe's. I'm not, I'm not shitting on Philippe's, but I think Coles has a better sandwich. Philips is Maga, right? Philippa's Maga, yeah, which does draw me towards it. Well, isn't it with Pat's and Gino's like, one guy's like, Trump, and one guy's like, Kamala, bro! Two Italian, I don't know if they're Italian,

but I think they are two Italian, Philadelphia guys. I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised they're both MAGA, honestly. That's true, yeah. You know what I got to say to Ardaeus, good job, because we got a lot of great conversation out of our guests before they were formally introduced from Fallout, Rick and Morty and Twisted Metal, Season two, now streaming on Peacock.

John Daly is here. Hi, John. Yeah, this is a twisted time to be twisted. Is that kind of what you're doing? Yeah, perfect. Okay, good. Actually, better than what we had. This is way better.

Great. Can we go back to the NFL? Because I am curious as a Steelers fan, as a, you know, as a Pats fan, like, do you have any, different kind of Pats? Do you have any particular, yeah, we're talking about some Gino's? Yeah, I got you. Do you have any particular, like, thoughts on this? upcoming season. Oh, man.

Gino Lombardi. I, uh, I, wow, that's crazy to think of me. He was the Pats quarterback for a time, wasn't he? That's right. Yeah. You know, like the Lombardi? Like the Lombardi trophy.

Vince Lombardi. Isn't that Vince Lombardi? There was Vince Lombardi, but then there's later a Gino, uh, who is a, what the hell? Maybe his last name might not have been Lombardi. But there was a, you know, who was a, it was an Italian guy who was a quarterback for the, okay, the Patriots. Lombardo. No, that's Gabor's his character.

Oh, that's Gers is a girl. Chris. Gino Lamardo. Shout out. Gino. Hold on. I'm figuring it out. Gino. Do you follow, I mean, do you follow the Steelers? Like, I do. Are you, like, really into it? Do you, like, casually just aware of it? I do get the NFL red zone. Right. So I do get into the NFL. I don't know if I'll get it this year. I just, I have a problem with Aaron Rogers, and he's the Steelers quarterback. and I have a problem in a macro way with the Steelers just it's it's poverty mindset it's kind of going like okay just get this old guy and throw him in there

and that's what they do with Russell Wilson it's never going to work right he's not going to gel with anyone and Aaron Rogers like I feel like he's like literally he's been hit so many times he's like Antonio the white Antonio Brown or something like that

is that racist can we cut that out. Just in terms of like, everything that comes out of his mouth is mashed potato. Right. And he's a garbage man. Yeah. And he's a bad guy. I don't think that that.

I think, I think Antonio Brown is a bad guy. I don't think there was anything wrong. You don't think Aaron Rogers is? Oh, no, they are both shitty. They both, they both, they both suck. Like, uh, Rogers, I mean, I think Antonio Brown is like a troll and Rogers is maybe just a, like a, like a, uh, not. Like, I think, like, Antero Brown's trying to push buttons.

And he does, now I think he does, too, actually. Right. They both suck. They both are not. Antonio Brown is, like, full Kanye. Yes. Like, he's, like, gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because Vonte's perfect, hit him so hard. Yeah. And, uh, and ruined his brain. That's really wild to think about that. Yeah, you just get hit so hard, your personality changes. Yeah. Like, you legitimately have a traumatic brain injury. Yeah.

Interesting. I'm thinking of an idea. Well, can you meet me in the parking lot for five minutes? You've got a big mallet behind your back Just to make you a little bit softer It's a little bit nicer to me You come back and he's like Welcome back to the show

He's crazy Zalzaini If you guys hit each other hard enough Your personality will switch Swap personalities I want to be the guy who goes Okay go But fuck Aaron Rogers But I will I will be a fan

I'm going to be a fan Of anyone in a Steelers uniform I just am like God, this guy's just trash. And I can't imagine him uniting a locker room at this point because he's just, he's the kind of guy that would, like, walk off a cliff with a big smile on his face. He's just so dumb and, like, gullible and like in this Manosphere stuff. And when you hear him in the Manosphere stuff, you're just like, oh, you're the dumbest one.

Like, you're not even smart about this stuff. Like, anyway, that's my opinion. We are Manosphere guys, Wager and I. We do love the Manosphere, but we don't like, sometimes the Manosphere gets infected. with people like this, and we don't like it. I like the Manosphere. I mean, I like working out. Sure.

Yeah, I like working out. Is this a Manosphere type of podcast? I guess I mean, yeah, I guess so. Can we talk about vaccines? Yeah, please. Let's get into it. Okay, cool. Shop it up.

Some of the worst things ever, right? Bad invention, invented in Pittsburgh. Wait, really? Well, no, penicillin was invented in Pittsburgh. Wow, I didn't know, Jonas Sauk. Penicillet, Pittsburgh-y. Yeah, Pittsburghite. Pittsburgh.

That's fun. Maybe it was a Steelers fan. Who knows? Jonas Salk, I imagine, was a Steelers fan. I would have to guess, yes. Early Steelers when they were leatherheads. Oh, yeah. Leatherheads.

Like the George Clooney movie. John Cresensky. That's my manisphere right there. I love that. I love those. Everyone in leatherheads, I'm a fan of Cresinski. Those guys rock. Clooney.

That's what I don't know. Who else is in leatherheads? I never saw leatherheads. We got to. I remember the billboards vividly. We got to talk about the nexus of comedy and driving that is not just twisted metal, but also your very fun podcast, Two Johns Don't Make a Right, which we both guessed it on, had a blast.

Two Johns Don't Make a Right is, it's winding its way down. Sustaining a podcast where we're picking somebody up and physically driving with them, never turning right, only left. It's Two Johns Don't Make a Right. That's the whole podcast. It's hard to maintain that. And you've both been on it and you both did fantastic episodes. Mitch, we were just talking about you today when we did our final episode.

Oh, my God. We went by the Charles Manson murder house, one of the murder houses. Oh, my God. Yeah, we went to the murder. We went to the La Bianca house and we took our picture there. And we had a lot of Manson kind of like weird. Oh, this is where Manson threw the knife. It's right there.

Like we drive past a lot of Manson stuff. You not only took a picture in front of it, you Tall John had my what's going Giant Head and we took a picture with the giant head. Oh yeah, we had and that was a prop from the show. Yes, yes, yeah, yeah. Wait, did Tall John have it or did you bring it? No, he had it. Wow. And then he gave it to me after the show.

Now I have it in my garage. Let's put it on the table low. No, you don't. It's gigantic. I know. We could do it. But two Johns Don't Make a Right. Listen to all of the episodes. It's very funny and good. Very funny men, yes.

You're the two of the best. Shout out to tall John. He's six foot ten. Big guy. Yeah. You go by tall John, you really have to meet that bar and he only meets it, but he exceeds it. Yeah. And I've been, you know, going out with him, I go to a concert with him, and dudes just come up to him all the time.

And this is his life. Just like, dude, I mean, how tall are you, dude? And it's always like, my dad's making fun to me because he thinks I'm tall, but you're tall, dude. And everyone comes up to him and like, I bet you played some ball, man. He's like, no, no. Fight for Bob's Berger. He's not a basketball player.

He's really tall. And people look at him like, oh, this is a waste. Right, yes. You can play ball, it's a waste. I got that a lot when I was a big kid. For football? Yeah. And I was like not strong or good at football.

I did play and I sucked. I was horrible. Yeah, yeah. I remember the first game I got, I went to a private. at school, my freshman year, and then my sophomore year. I've said this story on the show before, but the assistant coach, I remember being in a play, and I heard my assistant coach yell, get Mitchell out of there. He's going to get himself killed.

That's what I heard right before the play started. Oh, that's horrible. And then I think, like, the other player was like, I feel bad for this guy. I'm not going to, like, throw him to the ground or whatever. He was a nice man. Right. But to get back to the Manosphere talk, what do you like more, Jock-Ich or Athletes Footwags? You go first.

What do I like more? Yeah. I got to go with jock itch. Yeah. Yeah. Look, when I'm spraying tenactin, it doesn't matter if it's on my feet or in my dick area. That's true. It'll spray it on both and it'll get really cold and then I'll have white stuff on it and do nothing.

It doesn't do anything. It doesn't heal anything. Someone told me soaking your feet in white vinegar can get rid of athletes' foot forever. I think temporarily. Temporarily. My hands smell like white vinegar. This is a mystery on the show already. And actually, the mystery will go on in this week's episode, Weggs.

But I was sniffing all my clothes today to figure out which one smelled like fish. I accidentally washed something with my clothes. And the reveal was this Thursday, so I won't say it. Wait, it is? Yeah, yeah. Is that true? Don't we start on a Thursday? Oh, hold on.

Oh, no, the reveal has already happened. Yeah, I think so. It's fish oil pills. Yes. Oh, in your pocket? in my pocket and everything smells like fish yeah and so i've been going through i've been sniffing i spent before the full hour and a half before i came here i was in my closet sniffing everything oh man and i got all i have all the fish clothes and i'm soaking them in white vinegar in my sink

as as we speak wow and it and for the first load it was successful it did it got it neutralized the over there you go it really it worked so it took it out so so so uh but my hands still smell like white vinegar, and they say that get sort of athlete's foot. I think you need a prescription antifungal cream to get rid of it for good, right? Oh, I think so. I had a, I had really bad toenail fungus, which I'd say worse than athlete's foot. Yeah, for sure. And very difficult.

And I was strung along by a doctor who kept doing these laser treatments where he would shoot it with a laser, very painful, shoot the fungus, and it would kind of die and go away. So what is, what do they shoot it? Like underneath the toenail or like the top of the toenail? Top the toenail, they're shooting just onto the toenail and it's like pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, it starts to heat up gradually. Oh, so it's like a burning sensation. It's very hot. Wow.

And then you get hot, hot, hot, and then you're like, oh. And then he was like, look, you could take these. It was a kind of doctor. It's like, look, you could take antifungal pills, but they're really bad for you. And so I was like, well, I don't want to do that. Right. And then I eventually, like, after about 10 years of having horrible toenail fungus, I was like, it's going to do the pills and they just worked so fast.

Oh, man. Wow. Just so great. Yeah. And they cured my athlete's foot as well. Wow. At least semi-permanently. Yeah.

My family, I don't, I weirdly don't have the tonof-funkers, but I have athletes' foot. Yeah. And I, maybe that would be, maybe that's what I'm going to take. But, like, your foot just ditches all the time? I get, I get, like, you know, flare-ups? No, it's like, I got to flare-ups, like, every few weeks, and then I spray the white shit on it, and it does, you know. It does work a little bit, but you can, like, cure it because you have to, like, do your shoes. But I would, um, also, like, I would, um, also, like,

I've had jock it, but I never really did Tinectin for it. I was just like, this is part of life. But, yes, that's what I thought it was, too. Yeah, yeah. And, hey, Manosphere, boys, let's be honest. It's fun to itch that shit, am I right? Yeah, man. It's fun to get itches so you can itch them.

Something to do. Something to do. Something to do. The Deas doesn't get it. I do hear it's fun to unpeal your ball sack from your thigh. Oh, is it fun? It's also fun to peel your dick off your ball sack. peeling thing that's what the summer is about

peeling pieces of stuff off your other things some of us some of us some anatomy in men is different than this peeling situation you're talking about I do remember when I was a little when I was a little boy with my like little pubeless ball sack that it was like how do you this sounds like a very photographic memory you have here of this ball sack

it was like peeling like silly putty off of newspaper it was like that kind of like would really get lacquered on to my thigh. If you put your balls on newspaper, would you peel the text off to, like, a silly putty will peel the text off? Oh, right. On the silly putty.

I wonder, I won't work that way. I wonder right now if you wake up in the morning, is there the tiger from your tattoo? Is it on your ball sack? Oh, my God. Wow. On the underside. No, I think any sort of hair in that region

does a little bit to mitigate the peeling. I, uh, doesn't, isn't have been much to adhere to. And some men have, like, a very, bird nest compact situation, which is also a fine, too. A bird nest with a little peeper in it. Asking for worms. Give me some worms.

This is disgusting, guys. Congrats to us. Well, do you know why? It's a twisted, it's a twisted double. That's true. You know why? And we're going to review a chain restaurant here. But Amelia, hit him with a drop. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Howdy-ho. Pop-pum-bom-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-dda-da-da-da-pppppppap-pap-pap-pap-pap-ppap-ppap-pppap-ppppppidry. There we go. Very good. Hell yeah. I liked it. I thought it was great.

She's covering her face. I made her do that. It's a live drop. A live drop because we're doing it. Oh, was that a live drop? I thought you were, oh, that's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I didn't realize you were doing a live drop. I thought you were killing time that the drop would be. Oh, no, no, no. She was doing a line drop. No, that's going in. No, I feel special. I don't know when you said hit him with the drop. I panicked purely for a second.

I was like, oh, no, drop. No, I just made our employee embarrassing. herself. You did great. You were fantastic. It was better than anything I've ever done with a drop. You did great. We're talking Jersey Mikes. You heard the doughboys double. Jersey Bikes was founded in 1956 and Point Pleasant, New Jersey,

acquired by young Peter Cancrow in 1974, began franchising in 1987. What's that? What's that gasp? Explains my sandwich today. You know this information. We've talked about Jersey Mikes a number of times. Peter Cancrow is the head honcho prior

to its acquisition by Blackstone Capital, which also owns Ancestry.com, Spanx and Zaxby's, previously owned Hilton, the Weather Channel, SeaWorld, and Bumble. Don't you just love, like, the economy? I just love capitalism. I love umbrella companies. Yeah, yeah. It owns all this shit that has nothing to do with it. And paramount. Yeah, yeah. Seventh priority. And you wonder why everything sucks is because they do not give a

fuck. They just don't care about any of this. SeaWorld, S-E-A, C-World, or C-World? Like this letter C-World. It's C-W, it's S-E-A-World. What's C-World? I don't know. Is that a Sesame Street, Bill? Welcome to C-World! Cats?

We have, of course. We have cucumbers. I thought you said C-Word when you first said it. That's why I asked that. Sea World. Sea World. Sea World, a great property. Let's invest.

Seems like it's going straight up. Well, they have divested from that as of now. And that's Blackstone, like Harry Blackstone. Blackstone. Blackstone. Yes. Someone bought Jack Allison, SeaWorld's stock, and he was getting sent to like stock updates every month. It was very funny. That is very funny. Wow. The countdown is on. Holiday shopping season is officially here. Uncommon Goods takes the stress out of gifting with thousands of unique, high quality fines you won't see anywhere else. Uncommon Goods looks for high quality, unique products, often handmade or made in the U.S. Many are created by independent artists. and small businesses, making each gift feel special and truly one of a kind.

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Did you have any time to enjoy the city? Did you get to enjoy any local eats? Well, I did. Thanks to our friend Eva Anderson, who's so great. So great. It was the head writer of the show I was working on. And she took us to a bunch of the cast and crew. to Liberace's mansion.

And I've gone on two big tours with Eva, and they're both Liberace oriented. And the first one was Liberace's entire personal effects were bought by Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson died, and his Vegas residence is called the Thrilla Villa. And it was Liberace, everything he ever owned in his entire life at Marla.

Michael Jackson's residence, and the tour was led by someone who claimed to be the consul to Monaco, and just a guy in Vegas with that purple shirt, like a Dan Flash's kind of situation, that was just, like, weird and offered us sushi and champagne. It was like an expense, it was like $115 for a tour of Liberace stuff. It was just like, you're a human trafficker, bro. Super weird. And then Liberacee Mansion is the tour. is a rival of this guy.

They hate each other. And he's just this weird kind of guy that does tours of Liberace's Mansion. Liberace's Mansion, as seen in a great movie, behind the candelabra. All the stuff, like the bathtub and everything is like there. Wow. Just funny.

And like Liberace, just, yeah, it's kind of interesting. It's like, you're a miserable guy. I don't know. I just love that. It's just a regular day for Eva Anderson, our good friend, who like, you'll text her, And she'd be like, I'm at like Zigfried and Roy's estate sale or something. You're like, what the fuck?

She's like, I'm hanging out with Jordan Peterson or whatever. She just does weird things. And you're like, oh, geez. But she gets the scoop, man. And like this weird, she gets in with this weird tour. And you're like, it blows my mind. And then I ate a lot of like breakfast food. Like the casino, it's weird.

Like, it was off the street. It was on the old strip. Okay. So it was. I forget what the casino name was, but it would have like a nice breakfast place but then nowhere to sit because it's like so optimized now for gambling.

Like the only place you could actually sit is in front of a slot machine. Oh, wow. So they're trying to get you to grab and go and go set up shopping and spend money. Yeah, which is so gross. And it's like that casinos should be just everything you need.

And like if you want to not gamble, you should be able to not gamble. But whatever. I don't care about gambling or casino. So I don't know why I'm like nostalgic for something, but it was just gross. It was like being at a bad airport and like egg and cheese is like 10, 50, like, you know, 14 bucks for a... How long were you there for? You were there for a good stretch?

A little over a week. Okay, yeah. And it was rainy, which was interesting. I was right across, I never, I've never been there, but the heart attack cafe was right there. Yes. Oh, wow. You've always talked about, I mean, I hated the idea of that place because you have to stand on, like you used to, you could stand on a scale. And at one point, if you weighed over, I think, 300 pounds, you got your meal for free or something.

Yes, and I believe they've just increased the threshold because Americans are so fat that they're just like, well, that this is, now we're going to lose an arm and a leg with all the tourists coming in here and getting free meals. Yes, I would have gotten a free meal for sure at one point. And it seems like a demeaning sort of place. And people have died in there, too. People have had heart attacks in the place. In the place, yeah, yeah. And I was, I was in Vegas with... an Uber driver who was driving me.

And I was like, I was like, you know, any like Vegas? He's like a lifer. And he's like, I'm like, do you have any like weird? What's the weird Vegas scoop or whatever? Yeah. And I was like, you know, the guys who watch the gambling go on. What's up with them? And he's like, oh, I was one of those guys.

And I was like, oh, so you're looking for cheaters? And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Our other job, my other job, here's the thing nobody tells you about Vegas. There's been a dead body in every single room. Every single room. Oh, my. I had a body in it, and I'm not joking. And so that feeling when you go to one of those, like, Caesar's Palace and you're like one of the far-ass rooms, like, there's dead body.

There's a dead people. And he's like, the big secret of Vegas is every night there's a suicide in every, because people go there specifically to drink themselves to death. Yes. So there's so, there's bodies every day. And there's a special force that, like, it's so common that they're, like, cleaning services for big blood spills and stuff. and they're very specialized, and they come in and have, like, their suits on and just clean up bodies for hotels.

People drinking themselves to death, I feel like must just happen so many per year anyways. Just regularity. Cajun, leaving Las Vegas. I never, spoiler alert, I never seen it. People trying to be like that. Good movie. It's, yeah, good.

I opened up the, I was like, I was trying to look up the Heart Attack Grill website. I opened it up. It looks like live Jasmine or chatter bait. It's just all the female employees, like headshots of them. Yeah.

Yeah. Because they're wearing sexy nurses. They're all sexy nurses. So it's like Nurse Arian, Nurse Casey, Nurse Alicia, Nurse Isabel, Nurse Maggie. So I didn't realize that so much of this was like a, and then they've also got just one of Ron Jeremy, which is not like a guy who is in prison. He's in prison. A guy who's been super canceled. Real bad guy.

Really, really bad human being. Good friend of the owner, I'm sure. Well, the owner I know is here is Dr. John. And that's whole. Wait, Dr. John, the New Orleans did? No, his name is Dr. John. And he's like a weird bald guy. Oh, no, the Vegas version.

Yes, yeah. Not the musician. That's good. Yeah. But there's no, like, that their website has no, it just has a link to Jaws, but has no info about, like, the menu or whatever. So is that all they're selling now? Jobs. Oh.

What are you? I didn't hear you. I didn't hear you. I heard. Oh, you heard. I'm sorry. I said, I said it as my home page. I said, I said, jobs you're here in Jaws.

I said C-World. You're here in C-word. I didn't know what's going on. You're hearing some ocean words as normal words, and you're hearing normal words as ocean words. What's going on? You got salt water in your ears. It's the fish. It's the fish.

I'm under the sea. The damn fish got into my fucking hands. I know. You got fish pills everywhere. You are fish pills now. Do those fish pills do a noticeable thing? Do you like those? Not really.

You know what? Tumric is the one that the virologist, a virologist told me to take tumor. Tumric is good for inflammation. Yeah, yeah. anti-inflammatory and then and then the the omega they move your blood through your their blood thinners basically so right yeah and my my doctor is like you can keep taking them see world I thought I see it's I'm sorry about all of it okay I apologize it's fine it's no point Gino Capoletti is the guy we're thinking of is is the Patriots

old quarterback appelletti okay but also I thought there was a Gino lump maybe we're just thinking of there was a Gno Lombardi at some point okay but when I type in Gino Lombard if Otto Phil's gay versus show, Liam Gino Lombardo. Yeah, definitely. The other thing I did in Vegas is I went to Chris Angel. I've seen everything Chris Angel has ever done.

I love going to Vegas and seeing magic. Eva also loves Eva loves Chris Angel as well. Yeah. Eva could not come to this, but as soon as I got there, I went to Chris Angel, like, every few years sells everything he owns. Like, it's this weird thing. He'll do a big show.

And then there's a, he has a Chris Angel Studios. So you go and it's like, I thought it would be like packed out. Turned out I was the only one there. And he has magic tricks from like the past from like that guy Lance Burton and other people that are like, oh, it's kind of like you have all these legitimate magicians like things and selling their old tricks. And so that's kind of interesting to me. And I go in and he had for sale an amazing like prop from an old magic show that was a, you know, an umbrella. that rains so you see the whole mechanism inside the umbrella that inside the umbrella rains on you and that was it was kind of cool but then

Chris Angel was there hanging out and just like look and like it's just you too basically there I mean there were other there was a guy who ran up to me to keep me from taking pictures he's like whole job he's like his goon and he runs up to me he's like hey how you doing man how you doing man okay no pictures no pictures and then he proceeded to just talk at me to make sure, like, there wasn't going to be a time when he walked away from me. And so I was like, all I wanted to do is take pictures, so I'm going to leave. And so I took off. So I wanted to see some cheesy shit that Chris Angel was selling. Couldn't take pictures of it.

He sells, like, he doesn't, it's not like necessarily his, you know, all the, the, his current tricks that he's retiring. It's not necessarily like all of his possessions, just a bunch of shit that he's got. Right. He'll, he'll, he'll, but he owns, like, uh, that, that, that magician Dave there's like a 70s magician who's like huge star guy he'll sell like he had this famous like ball trick and there's a photo of the guy doing the ball trick in the 70s and then the ball trick and so it's like cool yeah that's kind of awesome legitimately cool and then like you know you'll see this like famous magician's table with a hole in it for the hat and like you know you can kind of like put your hand in it and so he's selling he collects clearly like old tricks but then

sells them I guess kind of moves them and I know David Copperfield has a magic museum and a magic warehouse that Jason Waller's been to. Yes. And he took the tour. And Eva's been been to as well. And, um, but David Copperfield is a weirdo and like, I've heard this. Yeah. He kind of like is a hoarder and like really actually doesn't want anyone to see his museum.

But apparently he's got like, it'll be like Houdini's straight jacket, but not in a display. Just like you can just put it on if you want. Like it's just out, you know. Stuff like that. It's kind of cool. I went to David Copperfield with my dad as a boy. Yeah. And we had a meet and greet tickets afterwards. And I've said this before, but he was, there was a table and he had a chair on the table.

So he was sitting on a table in a chair. And I walked by as like an eight year old or 10 year old boy and looked up and he just stared at me the entire time. I didn't say a word. And then I left. That was it. That sounds about right, man. And it's like, is this your dream? I love all these guys.

Like, I love a Vegas show that's like he's been going for like, it's like golden handcuffs. You're in this golden risen. Yeah. And like, you know, Chris Angel like trying to inject heart. He's like, no, this show's personal now. And they'll like inject heart into their magic show after a while. And you're like, oh, man, you twisted fuck. I don't know.

It's so entertaining. It's fascinating. Because just the addiction to being on stage or just like, they're just giving you so much money for a residency because it's still, they're giving you like a hundred million dollars a year, but it still makes economic sense for them because it just gets people into their casino and they're going to spend.

You know what I mean? It's like, I don't, it doesn't even seem to make, from a math perspective, I can't even quite understand it, but it's so much money they can't not do it. So you have like David Copperfield, and I've heard about this on like PTR episodes, uh, podcast right episodes, where it's like, he's doing like eight shows a week. He's doing like, you know, he's doing

double, like everyone else does eight shows. Yeah. He does 16. He does so many shows a week. So he's number one. So he does the most shows, but a lot of them are like 30% full houses. You know what I mean? And he's doing like a show where he's so going through the motions because he's so burned out. He doesn't put any effort.

This is what's so funny about it is he will, he just goes, ah, and he'll do a spectacular. And his trick, like, Chris Angel's tricks are garbage. And then he's like, and then guys come out and solo guitar and lightning strikes. and you're like, that was a bad trick. I guess this was a fun thing. But David Copperfield, he's real. He's a real dude, magician. His tricks are cool.

But then he goes, what do you think about that? There's like a big UFO comes out and does a crazy thing. He goes, all right, what do you think about that? Okay, on to the next thing. And then he has a whole thing. He's injected heart into his show. Yeah. By having, no joke, an alien come down from space,

a blue alien called Blue 32 that is he goes like he goes into this whole part where he's like you know I never knew my father very much and in the 80s when I was busy doing magic and being famous you know I never I never really reconnected them and then he died and you know he worked to area 51 and there was another guy that I met at area 51 and this alien comes down and he has a whole it's just one of the best things it's like the most highly articulated brilliantly designed animatronic i've ever seen it's like beyond disney any of that stuff just like a beautiful amazing cool to look at animatronic alien that's like hey david and he talks to this with no effect he's like not straining himself at all he's like 75 he's like oh would you look at that oh okay

it's just like not moving his face it's a spectacle it's just i don't want to i don't want to spoil it but go see blue 32 go see david copperfield it's an acid trip we get it's we need a we need a doughboy's and see a heart attack grill or something. Oh, my God. You guys should do Vegas, yeah. I do want to see some of those Vegas magic shows. I've seen, I saw Amazing Jonathan once. It was a great show, but I've never seen some of those other ones that are living here.

If I and I are staying in Vegas get that cleanup crew ready. You're a Uber driver. I know. See you later. This seems like as good a place as any. Oh, my God. I was trying to think of what magician you might have been thinking of. But the one guy I could think of, which this was the show I got taken to as a boy, was Doug Henning.

Doug Henning was the guy. That was the guy. That was the guy with the magic sphere. Yeah. And he put on a great show. I remember just like as an eight-year-old. But yeah, I'm like, I like, I like Vegas even though it's disgusting. You know what I mean?

Like, even though this is fucking filth. This should not exist. This is an environmental catastrophe. I'm being built at absolutely every opportunity. It's like, there's not even a place I can fill up my water bottle. Like, I have to buy, like, an $11 single use of a plastic water bottle that's going to end up in a landfill if I want to hydrate myself. Like, every aspect of it is an absolute scam, but I just, I'm still having fun there. Yeah.

There's great restaurants. I, you know, it's an excuse to drink a little bit more than you should if you're someone who drinks. And I'm not a big gambling guy, but I do like, like, oh, I'll play a little, you know, I'll play a slot machine for a second. It is a man who, it seems like you would not, you seem like a man who would not like Vegas at all, but it is strange that you're, you're a Vegas guy. I also like, I like the pools. I like to swim. Yeah. It's nice.

Yeah. And they, yeah, just sitting, bringing, having some bring you drinks. Yeah, it's great. And it's like a cheap room. Also, you like piss and the pools are just constantly getting pissed in. You like wallowing and piss. Yeah. You like a piss and meth.

That's what Vegas is about. Have you been to the golden steer there? I don't know. That's a great steakhouse. and I've never been there. Oh, maybe. I went to a great steakhouse in my hotel that's like, yeah, pretty old school one. Pretty good.

I was by the Golden Nugget, which is pretty odd. That's a pretty awesome place. The Circus Circus weirdly has like a great old school steakhouse, like one of those like feels like frozen in time. Oh, yeah. But Emma, I know you're a Vegas enthusiast, right? I had never been to Vegas until friends of ours got married there a few years ago. And so the first time I ever went to Vegas was for a friend's wedding. And we like gambled all night in their wedding attire.

and like we won a bunch of money and it was like very magical so I do love it but we only go when the when the Vegas freak friends go because it's too right yeah I'm on like a nerd crew

yeah that's right mostly I mean the shows are great and the food I like I don't I don't really care that much about gambling if I'm with people who are gambling I'm fine with that but I don't need to do that but I like the food and just like walking around you can do so much in such a short distance

it's kind of crazy no again just because it's so wasteful it's like Every celebrity chef, every, like, you know, top-tier chef has one of their flagship restaurants there. So it's just a place you can try, you know, like a thing that you would have to fly to six different cities if you wanted to experience. You can also just be your grossest self in Vegas and you're not the grossest person in the room. For sure. You'll never be the grossest.

Yeah. There was, and it keeps like one-upping itself. Like, it's got these like, I mean, Eva, both took a picture of this and posted it on her stories. But there's like a new brand like, you know, like shorts will say like, ass. on it, or like pink on the butt. Yeah. There was just ones that said, Daddy's cum slut.

Like the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. And it just seemed like... Amelia's lit up with this idea of this. She is Googling them right now. In the world end with this, like, it is over. Daddy's cum slut. On short, I'll send it to it so disgusting. And then the other, like, the other thing,

thing that got me was, was, uh, I did gamble. I played blackjack. Yeah. For about two hours, I give myself a limit to lose. I really enjoy it. It's really fun. And it was ideal situation because I was alone at a table and then every, all these freaks started piling up at the table. And then there was one dude there who seemed like he was in the NFL or something and they had like five dudes behind him, like watching him, gamble, watching every move. And it was just interesting. And I was in the middle of playing blackjack and a like woman comes up to me and just puts her in a good way, like in a massage way, puts her elbow into my shoulder

and goes, oh, and I'm like, oh my God, oh my God, she was like, want to massage? And I was like, yeah, and they start massaging you so good and hard while you're going like, okay, hit me. And it's so, it's just like, give us more money, because it makes you mess up.

It really does. But all you want when you're, because you're kind of like wired, all you want is that, like, nice massage. It was funny. I didn't even know they did that. Well, to me, it was very new. I've seen that, and I have always wondered how you stay focused on the game you're playing or your cards at all if someone's, like, rubbing the knots out of your back. It's impossible, too. It's really wild.

I guess that this is the point. It makes total sense. Amelia, as a degenerate gambler, do you like Vegas? Do you really? Are you? I gamble responsibly every so often. I've been to Vegas. Hey, Miss.

I've been twice, and I loved both times. Yeah. Less so for the casinos and more so for. like the, just like the ambiance and just like the dirtiness of it. You're just going to be a pig and shit for a little bit. Yeah, exactly. Which is like if you really wallow

in it, you can have a good time. But a week is a long time to spend in Vegas. A week is too long. Oh, no more than two nights. One time my family went there for weirdly Thanksgiving. Wow. And we ate. I know people that have done this too and they've had a great time. It is great. And we went to Red Rocks.

Like, we did nature things because there's so much amazing nature around Vegas. Right. And we ate at Mario Battali had like, a Thanksgiving special at his restaurant and you got this delicious fried turkey and amazing meal and so then we just did that and like it was great you have like elderly parents or whatever like just go to a like air-conditioned casino and kind of live there for a little bit right that's awesome yeah we got we got to we've talked about it before we could maybe figure some I think it's a perfect time to go because it's dead now right yeah and we

can't wait for the coroner to find you in daddy's cum slut shorts You're wearing shorts and say daddy on them? We're next to each other. It's a... The alien's name is blue 52, blue 32 or blue 52? Is it 52? Oh, wait, Alien 50. Oh, Area 51, but that's...

I thought it was blue 32. Blue 30, why blue 32? Sounds like a football thing. I think that Jason asked Copperfield that question. and Copperfield just went, I don't know, I just, yeah, I just came up with it. There's just rhymes? No, there's nothing behind it.

That's very, as a child, I remember being at that show and his last gag was turning him, he, like, put a blanket over itself, and then he was a little boy. I think I've, I maybe have talked about this before, but he, like, he put a blank up, and then he came down, he was like,

I always wanted to see snow or something, and then he, and then, as a boy, and I never got to see it, and then he, like, puts a blanket up, and then he's a little boy in the same shirt. And I remember being, like, an eight-year-old kid, him being like, oh, the magic's not real. And I don't believe in this anymore.

This is like, this is stupid. It ruined. Like, you can't go that far that you transformed into something on stage. Right, right. But they don't, like, they just, they collect contraptions, it seems like. They're just contraption collector. That's some of them. I mean, he used to really try hard.

And I guess all that, well, let me just give a shout at to a good magician is Zabrecki. Okay, yeah. Rob Zabrecki from the band, Possum Dixon, yes, is a completely. amazing magician who does the magic castle all the time and he was my magic consultant so I literally got to learn magic from this guy. That's funny awesome. Which was fucking a dream come true and he

taught me like three magic tricks beyond the ones and he taught me how to spread out cards like the whole like like I can't do it that well but it's takes years of practice to do that shit. I'll say this. That was pretty cool. We won't say what it is but Eva told us that you were taught a cancelled

magic trick which I think is very funny well the one that's actually on the TV show is one that was, is, like, has to do with, like, cleavage. Yes, yeah, yeah. Putting, like, an audience member's cleavis. So it's very canceled that they don't do it anymore. It's very, very funny. I can't wait.

I'm very excited to see it. And also see you in Twisted Metal, Episode 4. That's right. Wait, is it episode 4? Yes. Episode Twisted Metal, Episode 4 will have been out by now. Yes, it just came out this last Thursday. I'm very excited to check it.

People should check it out on Peacock. Let's talk Jersey mics because this is the order of the day. Like, so you're gluten-free now. Is this a, how recent is this? Last time we had you on, I don't remember this being an element of our Jersey Mike's experience. No, I didn't go gluten-free until the pandemic. Okay, got it. I have been this, it's kind of been this cycle.

I don't, I don't love it, and I don't always stay gluten-free. When I was in Vegas, I did eat some bread, and I feel like I give myself a treat once in a while for there's a great cake that I love or something. But the reality is, like, my life is better when I'm gluten-free and it sucks. but you know it's it's kind of worth it um is it just sort of like generally like do you have uh you know is it is it mostly digestion is it all over like like like like does your skin improve like what what do you oh skin it was all skin it's all skin wow horrible rosatia um adult acne um that was like nonstop and like i had this like really bad sort of acne when i was a little kid same um where i would like just unreal like I would have, I would like sit in science class and just, this is so discussed.

I don't know if I should be this disgusting, but I would just push, I would have like zits that were all connected. And I would sit in class and just push pus from the bottom of my face to the top. And occasionally it would like burst. So really bad that kind of acne. And then my adult acne was this just made my face beat red all the time. It was like debilitating. I would be like, it was horrible. that I went through it really it did reverse it

I just want to again point out Amelia you were you were smiling and nodding at the pus pushing you did you do that too no I respect it I mean just gross didn't know how to be a person yeah I probably would I think we all were pizza faces because I had nodular acne I had really bad like it started in the T zone forehead and then by you know when I was in high school it like spread to my cheeks

you did acutane right and eventually like I tried every other treatment and eventually got on acutane which is the one that makes you psychotic as a side effect. Did it? I mean, I... Well, have you talked to him? Permanently psychotic. That's why we're going to balk him on the head.

You'll fucking bong you. We'll see what happens. But yeah, it's, that's, did you... Did the GF connection to your skin, like, did that thing you just intuitive? Did you, we're just trying everything and that one worked? I tried everything. Yeah. I tried everything.

I was, like, drinking vinegar. I was doing all this stuff and doing pretty ridiculous. ridiculous stuff, which you end up doing. Yeah, but then was just like, okay, I'm just going to try gluten-free, and it just, like, was so instant. That's so wild. Also, if you have any arthritis, if you have rheumatitis. Rheumatoid arthritis, it just gets rid of it. It's like over.

It's like you don't have arthritis anymore. And I had arthritis from my 20s on, like even my teens where I was like, and then it just went away with the glute. I can't recommend it highly enough. And I think it's because our bread is. Eft. Poisoned. Right. Yeah.

It's Frankenbred. I did a water cleanse recently where I only drank water for four full days because of brain fog stuff. I think I maybe told you some of this. Yes. But it was amazing how good I felt after doing that for four days. It was insane. And I was like, oh yeah, a lot of the shit that we just fucks us up completely. Yeah.

I was, I had acne as a team, but my sister took acutane. And my mom was like, you don't have it as bad enough to take acne. And she didn't want me to take acutane, but it was still pretty bad. So it was that sort of thing of like, okay, I just have like acne and this sucks. But did you, did you take anything as a teen to get rid of it? I got, I took acutane. I took retin. Retinae.

Yeah. And that was like topical. Yeah. That was topical. I took retinae, dried out my face. Nothing worked. It just took getting into my 20s and just not being, uh, super nervous and greasy and puberty all the time.

Yeah. Yeah. Super greasy and puberty. Well, the, because I had, and I had a retina, I had another topical one that was like, I had to keep in the fridge. It was like, because it had to stay cold. And neither of those topical ones did anything. Accutane, for me, was like a miracle drug. It was like, it was like insane how my, like, within months my skin was like completely clear.

Oh, good. Yeah, yeah. Wow. And then I had constant thoughts of suicide, but, you know, is that real? It did make me like, it did, it did, it did, it did, because my brother got it too. It does kind of fuck you up emotionally. You do get, like, have, like, really, it does kind of plunge you into a depression. Is dermatologist fucking prescribed acutant for you right around the column bunnies?

But I think also there, I think, I think the counter effect of just having an improved, like, self-image. Is so, where I was just like, it was, it was worth it for me. I, uh, Dr. Clebold. I, uh, I, for me, I should, like, I'm like, I probably should just take it because forever, I, even in two, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, I. When, like, acne started to go away a little bit, I would not look people in the face. I, like, couldn't look in that, like, an acne personality is what they call it. It's like, I would look down and not look at people in the face because it just fucked with me so much when I was younger.

So I think that it is, it is worth it. My sister took it, and it didn't work well for her either, but I wish I had taken it. Hi, I'm Beck Bennett. I thought I was Beck Bennett. No, no, no, no. I'm Kyle Mooney. Sorry about that. No, all good, all good.

Thanks, buddy. Yeah, and we host the show What's our podcast here on Headgum? But we want to make sure you heard about a very special episode with a very special guest that we just released in the feed. Yeah, it's in the feed.

It was sponsored by Squarespace because they were appalled. We didn't have a website for our show yet. They were like... You don't have a website? What are you guys? Kindergarteners? They wanted to do something about that.

So we built a flawless, beautiful, perfectly designed website live on the pod with our very special guest and very web-savvy guests. Should we tell them who it was? Let's put we could play 20 questions. I don't think we have time for that. Is it a person?

No, it's not. It's Finn Wolfhard. But Finn had a bunch of great ideas for the website. Beck, you had some amazing ideas for the website too. You had some amazing ideas for us. Well, I was sort of driving the thing. I was sort of like clicking and... And I was like, let's put a little...

Let's put some widgets in there. I was talking about widgets. You get done using that phrase widgets. Yeah, there's all sorts of stuff there. And you might want to check out the hippo. Just go check out the website. Just know that there's a hippo video and know that you're going to want to watch that. We had a lot of fun.

making this episode. We allowed from making this website. Best time of my life. I think you're going to have a fun time listening to it and maybe even watching it. Think of it as our little Christmas present to you. Yeah. Yeah. This is a gift for you. Okay. It's just like, it's a selfless thing we did for you. Thanks to Squarespace for making us build a website, sponsoring the episode, and for supporting creators across the Headgum network. Go check out the bonus episode. What's our website from what's our podcast on YouTube or wherever you listen to podcasts? Go to Squarespace.com slash Beck and Kyle for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use

offer code, Beck and Kyle. Yes, sir. To save 10% off your first purchase of a website domain. Get it, Kyle. Speaking of big, greasy things. That's right. Yeah, Jersey Mike's.

Jersey Mike. So right now they have a seasonal chicken salad, which I had not had before. And I was like, you know what, this is a good occasion to sample this sum bitch. I get the regular chicken salad sub on wheat, got it Mike's Way, and I added mayo and dill pickles. So I didn't make too many modifications to it.

Mitch, you tried a couple different things. You had a mini chicken salad sub on White Mike's Way, and you also had a mini Cancrow special. Well, Wags, when I go to Jersey Mikes, I want it Mike's way. I'm so glad that made it out of the group. Tell me, Mike. Wait, that was in the group chat. Mike's a little bit of oil.

Jersey Mites and a little bit of reganone. Jersey, Max. I'm going to get a full sub-fuck. Come on it, my... You were right there. You just had to land the plane. Don't be embarrassed. He did a good job.

It was beautiful. I sent a voice note. I mean, to show how annoying I am to our group text, I sent a thing that said, I wanted Mike's way, and then also used it in the show. I love that. But I'll often send little voice memo text to our group of me trying all. bits, and a lot of times there's no response for a good 12 hours. Then it's just ignoring it.

It's just a two-second clip of you making a life favor. I have done that before, too. Wait, so this is a thing where you get a chicken salad. This is unique. A chicken salad at, like, a sub place. This is, this is new. And I do not normally get chicken salad subs anyways, but I've got to say this. The chicken salad was actually pretty good

while, because I thought, I don't know how you feel about it. I was kind of surprised. I, no, I liked it. thought it was well made. It was nice and chunky, but it had enough surface area for the mayo to be in a good proportion. I honestly think this is maybe the only place I would get a chicken. If I was going to like a sub place I liked, I would never get a chicken salad sub, I don't think. Here's the thing. It's good. When I get it over their tuna, I think I like their tuna better. Sure. And also, I feel like there's just other sandwiches I'd prefer over it. But as a take on a chicken

salad sub, I thought it was better than my expectations. And did you like that cancrow, Special? Cancrow. That's why I gasped when you said cancrow earlier in the episode. I like the cancrow special a lot. And I had it for the first time, thanks to Ardaeus, on rosemary. Oh, hell yeah. Rosemary pond bread. Oh, nice. And I never had that before. What's on the cancrow? The cancrow is roast beef and then one layer of pepperonies and then Pro Balone. And I thought it was, it's pretty damn good. It's pretty good. I feel bad for. our guest here, Wags, because I think that he had the worst experience of the three of us. But also, I had lunch before, so I timed it wrong because I didn't want to be weighed down by a whole sub because I knew it would be talking. And so I did, but I ate enough of it that I got the idea. And I've eaten, I'm a Jersey Mike's fan, so I'd say. You got a super sub Mike's way on gluten-free toasted bun. Do you like their gluten-free bread? No, but it's not. Let me just say, I don't like any gluten-free bread.

Yeah, sure. I do appreciate that chains like this have it. Right. And I appreciate that, like, you can go to in and out and get gluten-free bread. You can go a lot of places and get gluten-free bread. It's very popular. But it's always appreciated. But unless they can toast it, it's never, like, if they toast it, then you kind of, like, are like, oh, this is just bread.

But if not, it's like, well, this is dry and gross. I, like, if there is a place like in and out, though, and just use that a specific example, there I'd just, if I'm trying to avoid gluten. and I just get lettuce wrapped. I just do the protein style, you know what I mean? So it's like, even sometimes when the gluten-free option is available, I'm just like, I wonder if the move at Jersey Mikes, if I was trying to do that would be like get the sub in the tub and not even have the bread, you know what I mean? I looked at the sub in the tub.

I've never gotten a, like, having cold cuts in a ball is weird to me. I agree with that. You know what it's fine. There are times when I like it. You usually, I feel like have to plus it up a little bit with some ingredients at home, which now is very good at doing, and maybe turn it into a, more of a salad, more of a dish. But on its own, it is a little bit weird.

It also reminds me, because we talked about Marco's pizza on a previous episode with you, at the time they had their pizza bowls they were doing. And that was another thing which is like, conceptually, this absolutely does not work. No. Like just, just, you know, melted mozzarella cheese and marinera and then toppings in a tub. It's just like, this is disgusting. The Jersey Mikes is pretty good, though. No cities claiming that.

No. There's no Chicago. Like, oh, yeah, we're doing a. a bowl. It's like, no. That's just bad. Do you, do you eat cold cuts just like straight up just like you're having like a, you know what I'm saying? Not now, but I'm just trying to eat less meat in general. Well, there was a time when I would definitely snack on some cold cuts. Yeah. I do. I roll it up and dip it in a mustard. Yeah. Oh, okay. Oh, all right. Yeah, I never do it. It's a reasonable thing to do. Natalie, you put your acutane in there and feed it to you like a dog.

You're on acutane just to you. Appreciate it. Feed daddy's little slut. Daddy's calm. Oh, I'm sorry, Daddy's gone. Also, Natalie's Daddy. Of course. We all knew that anyways. I agree with you that just cold cuts in a tub.

That's not, I don't like that. And I think that in and out likes to your credit, I know I've given in and out a hard time over the years, but the lettuce wrap at in and out works so well because that's like the best burger patty of any of the, the fast food chains is the in and out burger patty, right? Like, it's like you're getting like a high quality burger patty, so you're really tasting it. I don't know if it would be worth it.

I think gluten free was worth the try over sub in a tub, but the bread was just, it was bad bread. I wanted to try the gluten free just specifically to, and also my whole idea is that it, Jersey Mike's just got bought by this conglomerate, Black Rock. Yes, Blackstone, I think. Blackstone. So it'd be interesting to just track how the quality goes. That's after private capital buys like a Jersey Mikes type place. Yeah, is it going to decline? Because this is a thing we get to observe in real time over the course of the Do Boys podcast, Jersey Mikes,

which has been such a, like a consistently considered a top tier five fork chain on our podcast, you know, won our sub tournament, a Hero's Journey suboptimal and was, is a place Emma and Amelia that we will order for a meal here that is not related to content that we're just doing to, you know, as sustenance, like, are we going to see its decline? And I fear that we are going to witness it and then someone else is going to emerge because that tends to be the pattern. Yeah, I, with the gluten-free bread always disappointing story, but the lettuce, like the bite of the lettuce, cold cuts, cheese, et cetera, was very good and very consistent. Yeah.

I always like it. It's like, Jersey Mikes is great, you know. I'm one of the biggest, I like, I actually love Blackstone Capital. It's like one of my favorite conglomerates. So I'm hoping that. What are you some of their favorite, your favorite properties? My favorite properties are, well, that list again that you said there. Ancestry.com.

I love Ancestry.com. You love that. You love giving the DNA. My mom actually did have a, she had a thing where she was like, I got an Ancestry.com thing as a gift, and I did do it. And I think it wasn't maybe before the purchase. The thing where you spit, the 23 of me, like, were you like spit in the tube or whatever? And they do your DNA.

And I now am like, oh, like Blackstone Capital owns. my DNA. Yeah. And who they're going to sell it to. And forever. Mr. Vladimir Putin. I mean, let me just read some of these holding. Some of these companies, you'll recognize some you won't.

TDC, which is a Tel-Denmark communications. So like a Danish telecommunications firm. EQ Office, which is a commercial office office properties firm, free-scale semi-conductor. Oh, yeah, they're good. Michaels. All right. All right. Michaels is good.

Nielsen Holdings, so the Nielsen company. Orangeina. Orangina. Orangeina. Oh, my God. You say it orangeina? Orangeina. It was Orange Jina.

We don't want to know what you're doing. We already know your thing with apples. It's orangeina? Orangeina. I've been saying the orangeina my whole life. Orangina? How did you not get called out on orangina? It's very Trumpy.

I guess I don't over-order it. Trump's vagina. Orangeana. Origenia. Travel port, United Biscuits, RGISC, Inventory Specialist, Biomet, and Hilton Worldwide, which I mentioned. That's huge. And, yeah, they're just like Cullet Packard. I like the biscuit one. Biscuit Tech? Yes, yeah.

Biscuit technology. They don't make biscuits anymore, actually. A Baltic bank called Luminar Bank. Oh, that's sketchy as hell, dude. Yankee Global Enterprises, which owns, which is part of the Yes Network, which is what the Knicks and Yankees are broadcast on in New York. Biscuitac now makes like bunker busters.

And it's all war. To tie this up, the Bellagio Resort in Las Vegas, Nevada. Wow. They got them good fountains. All under the same company that owns Jersey Mikes. It's so weird. I have an update on my. Ancestry.com.

Because at one point, I was just 100% Irish, which means like inbred, as Conan has said before. It's like if you're 100% Irish or imbred, from Monster Island, basically is where I'm from. But now 3% Scottish. And then it says 2% Germanic Europe legs. Wow. I never, my dad said we were Dutch and that's where it was at one point. It looked like I was 1% Dutch, but now Germanic Europe. When did this come from?

Like, when did you? They update it all. It's so funny. They just continually update it. And I don't think that we're Germanic. I mean, maybe. I mean, that means it's probably hundreds of years old. Very similarly, like, did that.

My mom did it. And she was like, my mom, my entire childhood had been like, we're Irish and German and we're a little Native American. Oh, sure. And then we did that. And we're like, she was like, okay, we're Irish and German. There's no Native American. I would tell people that, like, I'm actually Iroquois. Right.

That's a classic white person move in it. in America. In a colonized thing. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like the worst of the whites. I mean, I got the German.

I got some German in there now, but we're on the same track. Germans are right? They're all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, our answers was probably bone back in the day. Pretty weird. We're probably cousins or something. How about you?

Are you, what's your in Estonian? Yeah, Wiger is Estonian, but then I've got, I've got a English. I've got some Norwegian and some Guatemalan. Guatemala. Yeah, yeah. So it's, you know, you got some Guatemala. That's right. You've told me this before. Yeah, my Guatemalan grandma. Yeah, grandma. Yeah, yeah. Nice. Got my jail. The, the, you know, it's, it's, I feel like a lot of, a lot of white Americans, just an eclectic mix of, you know, whoever was fucking whoever, you know, years ago.

A lot of, yeah. Mine was all white people fucking other white people, it seems like. Yeah. They could have given me some sort of good blood so I didn't have acne and all this other shit that we were talking about earlier, but. How does ancestry work? like do you like you like you like you just send in like uh like uh some come or like what like what i i did and they sent it back but uh you you you just spit you like have a thing it's like you spit you just keep spitting in it until it's like you have to like keep spitting and i was like dried out but i was just like kept spitting into the tube until it was like up and then you mail it off to uh some freak that probably drinks it and then makes

some shit up about you and not so they can extract your DNA from your saliva is the idea. That is, that is the idea of it. And I, I, I do question some of it. They update it because, like, they're getting more data. They're collecting more information. And then that, that, from that they can extrapolate who's, you related to who. Like, I don't even understand the science of it. The more people come in, the more info they have. Yeah. And it has like, it's like, it's like, they're inside of their mouth with a test and it will tell you, like, what breeds Jemmy is. Yeah. I just like, my whole thing is how is this not all bullshit? I mean, I mean, Like, I just, like, that's why it kind of, like, is the whole thing, are all these companies built on, you know, a mountain of lies? Well, they did, yeah, they did map the human genome. Okay. So that is true. And they can, they're, they're augmenting DNA. And so they can do things to it.

So I imagine they can, they can, you know, trace it. Okay. It seems legit to me. But I don't know how much. I mean, I've never done it. So how much of like free 23 and me, like your results will be super. but they also, they want that so that they can do the like

social credit system that we're going to have installed or whatever. Sure. They're never going to. Yeah, it's going to be great. It's bad stuff. I shouldn't have done it ever. I will say like one of my aunts

and one of my aunts had tonal fungus and she's got her toenails removed. I was going to say that earlier. Are you serious? She's had her toenil removes after my dad died. I won't say which haunted is. Wow. I love her.

She's great. And so they remove it and they remove the thing that grows? They just pulled the whole toenail off And after my dad died We went and got a pedicure And she got a pedicure And they're just painting her They're painting her toenail as nails

I got some advice for her Don't do that Don't do that You can't do that But yeah she got she got like her toenails Painted without any toenails But she got but her tonate Like they were they were completely removed

Yanked right off like And they don't grow back And they don't grow back That's fucking horrifying That's horrifying right I'm having a hard time She had such bad toenail fun Which runs in my family

I really did not get the tone I was lucky I don't have toenail fun It's like getting a cat declawed I didn't know you could do that to a human being I would think that if you pulled it out It would be like pulling a hair out by the root And you can't go back You can't do it to a cat

I mean my mom did it to one of our first Buster way back in the day And they don't do it to their back legs anymore Yeah you can't dangerous for them You can't you can't do it to Even a lot of states I think I've outlawed the front paws It was a long time ago Buster was a great cat

and had a great life, lived till she was 20 years old, but she was declawed, and I won't, I'll never do that to Wally and Numer, even though they've destroyed my couch. Jimmy's, I know, she's pissed off. I know. Yeah, she knows what we're talking about. You'll never rip your claws off. I'll never rip a clod. Oh, what a sweetheart. What breed is Jimmy? We don't know. I should do one of those tests to get her, her breeds done formally. Her DNA match is me. It's me and Jimmy in the same family. But our guesses are definitely some beagle for her coloring, and then she's kind of, some Jack Russell features, but then there's something in the bed that's bigger than both of those

because she's bigger than both of Jack Russell and a Beagle. So we think like a whip it or something? Right. And don't all dogs have like, it's like, they have these breeds, but they're relatively new. So it's like they're all 80% like er dog. Yes. And I met other dogs that look like Jemmy.

And this one woman once told me that her dog was what they call an island dog. So if you go to like the islands, the dogs have all interbred so much that they don't really have breeds anymore. It's just kind of this one breed that is the island dog. and her dog looks so much like jemmy so i think she's we she came from the miami pound we don't know where she was before that so maybe she was an island dog that came over on a boat or something like or she's descended from island dogs we don't know but that could be it we have no idea jemmy's journey who knows what it was that's crazy i rewrite her journey all the time i got lots of backstories

she's such an angel she's such a good dog i'm going to hawai and there's a there's a island with cats there's like a cat oh kawai yeah yeah yeah yeah and they have they have there's a little cat sanctuary and stuff like that right yeah i want to i want to check it out but my mom said she won't she's like no we won't do that um which i which i'll miss it i know i know i know i'm saying wait are you going to kawai i'm going to maui you can do it you can do a solo trip or there's a little day trip where you can go out to like that cat sanctuary or something like that but go to oahu and maui and i've never been to hawai at all so i'm oh man i've been to maui it's so great yeah wow and i was saying i watched white lotus season one because which i enjoyed quite a bit oh yeah um are you

You don't want to abandon the main party and do a little side trip. It would be like, hey, I'm going to go check out the Cat Sanctuary on my own today. Yeah, I don't know if they don't like that, but maybe I should. I mean, I can also just use it to like, I'm there with my mom and sister in the same room the whole time. I could use it to go jack up. Yeah, you got to jack up. You're saying the same room as your mom and sister? I am saying the same room as my mom and sister.

That's not a good idea, man. I know, I know. It's just so expensive. Right, right. There was no. Yeah, sure. Are you staying at one place the whole time when you're on the island? We're staying at the Wailea Beach Resort and then the Royal Hawaiian.

That sounds amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm excited. But yeah, I'm going to be, I'm going to have my, I guess, the whole time over there. You snorkel? Yeah, well, yeah, that's a good place to do it too, I guess. Oh, snorkel, and then Jake off, have a couple drinks, go to bed. Total privacy under the sea. Yeah.

That's what you're doing down there. There's a luau every night, I'm sure. Shrimp congregate up to my dick. does jemmy think i'm a bulldog is that why she sits near me maybe she thinks of a bulldog in a shirt and pants possibly um she actually really likes the fish smell yeah she just likes that those pills well and her are going nuts over it um sure they love it

they were in the closet going crazy you know he's so cute i'm looking over jemmy napping right now it really is pretty cute if we got her some little uh daddy's cum-slot Shores. Adorable. Oh, man. Daddy's cum-slut. It's like dog shit stained right in the back.

Doggies. A hole in the middle from the boat. Yeah, for a log to come out. Oh, man. Doggies comes up. Emma, Amelia, you both got number sevens. I mean, I think these are your regular orders. And number seven, no onions, add mayo and rosemary

parme bread, Mike's Way. And then Amelia, number seven, Mike's Way with a jalapeno. Were they both hitting today? They were decent. I haven't eaten any of mine yet. It's in the fridge. I'm going to have a bite between episodes. Got it.

I noticed that there weren't as... Oh my God. Jesus Christ, those are worse than I thought. They're worse than I thought, too. These are the daddy's cum slut. Shorts. Cumslet is one word and in cum font. It's written in cum.

That's what a similar to Amelia found on the... She texted you. I texted Mitch a Amazon. pair that I mean and then another great one fuck me great again oh my god play on maga but it's fuck me that's so low effort it's pretty low effort because it's not even like like make me come again i'd kind of even get like you know that's like at least we're following the formula oh yeah but that is like it's a self it's like your self-owning if you're like make me come again it sounds like the guy can't make her come right like it made her come before yeah it's like fuck me till i'm great again

And then another one, I got ADHD, a damn hard dick. That's pretty good. It's damn hard. That's my favorite. That's good. Pretty good. Just everyone is just a grand slam home run of disgust. It's like, I feel like Vegas just went another level.

Like that wasn't happening like two years ago. Because like the rest of the world got nasty enough, Vegas is like, we got to get nastier. I think Trump is just like, look, this Epstein guy's in the Oval. We got to pull out the stops. People are willing to wear this. That's the real. There are now people who think it's cool. I mean, just imagine.

There's a, yeah, I mean, it's funny who comes there, too, just the, like, the most rockabilly guy and girl in every, every, like, city, go to Vegas and chill. It's the best place on earth. I mean, I like to visit for a few days, but that's it. That's all I can do. That's sad after a while. I feel like we didn't get you to land the plane on your Jersey Mike's thoughts. Well, after this conversation, I'm thinking it'd be cool to get a pair of shorts that just says Mike's way on it. Pretty good.

All I can think of is chicken salad for a second. No, it was good. Not as many jalapinos as normal. Maybe that's the Blackstone Capital effect. Yeah, boy. Oh, that's an interesting. Yeah, let's track those jalapeno. Yeah.

They're about like three less than normal. Wow. Okay. Not a great sign. We should get to our final thoughts on Jersey mics. Yeah. So a daily you've done the podcast before, we'll each go around, give a closing argument, if you will, and give it a score from zero to five forks. You're our guest.

You're gluten-free. Your Jersey Mike's thoughts. Okay. Jersey mics, I'm going to, I'm just so with it. I think it's just the most solid place. I have to give it five forks, I think. No, I'm not going to give it five forks because they're, I mean, I just can't. The gluten-free was bad, right?

The gluten-free was bad, but I have to give it. so much slack for that because it's like I appreciate it so much too you know yeah I don't know because I I wonder what I get because the first time we did the podcast we did Jersey mics and I wonder what I gave it then I'm sure I gave it four forks

at least because I really do like it so I'm just going to go you know I'll give it four forks three times that's good wow yeah you gave it four ukey forks last time four for what the fucks what the fuck We were talking about some oaky cookies. Everybody rated in Oaky Forks for a minute.

I love having that information. Jesus. Sorry. Sorry you were on this podcast both times. There's some of like common themes. Mitch your thoughts your fork score. Well, I used to put this in Vegas terms, Jersey Mike's, they hit the jackpot when they first open.

I think that they were a fantastic place. But going all in with Blackstone Capitol, I think that's a real. game of roulette. So I've named three Vegas references there, and I think that I'm done. And all these big concompet, like all of this shit, there was a thing I sent you. I don't even know if it's true, but Wendy's is like, we're going to change our spicy chicken patty and we're going to, like, change the sandwich. And it's going to be shredded lettuce now.

I sent you this the other day. And I'm like, oh, yes, yes. This was like a leaked PowerPoint presentation. Yes. Someone at Wendy's like shareholders meeting was showing all the ways they were going to cut corners on products to, you know. Love that. Yeah, and so it was just like, we're taking these elements that people like,

we're making them cheaper so that we make more profit on our spicy chicken sandwiches. I don't know if it's going to happen, but it could just kill Wendy's completely. It's a real bummer when they've been on the upswing. And Jersey Mikes, I have not, I've gotten for the most, I feel like Jersey Mikes is good like 95% of the time, usually when I go there. So it is, it's a pretty high hit ratio, lags. But this is just going to happen to everything in every business now. a bummer.

And I think it's because our country is a sucks and our president is a piece of shit. And now you just see every, every, you have to root for smaller chains. We've talked about this before. But the White House, that's the real

circus, circus if you ask me why. Oh, boy. Right. Oh, man. Dealers choice. Caesar's ballast. But I still do love Jersey mics. I get Jersey mics once a week, basically.

And I'm on weight loss drugs. Yeah. And the Jersey Mike's mini sandwich is like the one that I, that is like a satisfying meal to me. And I love the turkey sandwich. And Mike's way, I love it, Mike's way, as I sang before. And I can't go below five forks for now. But I don't know what the future will, I, I'm not happy that. Blackstone owns this place and I think

it's gonna get worse at some point it's just a matter of when Wow yeah so wait I'm sorry Just to be clear the Wendy's thing was just about salads or was it No no it was about all the food spicy chicken sandwiches And the regular chicken sandwich yeah I think Dave's like there was a shit like isn't Aren't they changing Dave the Dave single and double or something Yes they were they're also making like a more low rent version of those

It was like new ketchup formula it was what was in the thing It's like new ketchup formula it's like why what is wrong what's your ketchup is fun i mean that is just the truth is that it's a cheaper they're they're trying to maximize profits in some way right so and that's going to happen with jersey mics but i haven't noticed it yet and i don't know if you have wags honestly even more so the chicken salad sandwich was good the chicken salad sandwich was good and if i'm going to sum up my jersey mike's thoughts because this is still a go-to chain for me i've not yet noticed dip in quality i'm afraid that it is going to happen can you put it into vegas term

like I did? Yeah, Mitch, I guess I can. But chew it all, when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out. I faced a sub, and I stood tall, and did it Mike's way. Hell yeah. Fuck, he's good.

John Daly, thanks so much for being here. Do you give your forks score? Oh, five forks. Twisted metal on peacock. Five forks. Okay. Five forks. You're the only, you've actually kept it from the platinum plate club, which I think is fair.

Have I? Yeah. Oh, okay, okay. It's fine. It's fine in the golden plate club. That's a good place to be. And honestly, Jersey mics, you're on notice. If the quality dips, you know, you could see yourself out of the platinum play club.

You should see yourself out of the golden plate club. You can see yourself all the way down the broken plate club. We will be paying attention. Pretty soon they're going to be like, we got a, you know, peppercini's? Yeah, we got peppercinoes. Can't call them pepperchis. Certain legal reasons. You're sick.

People are the DNA switcheroons. And they're five cents for 10 million of them. We're the watchmen of fast food, wags, you and I. We're watching. We sure are. And if you fuck up, we're going to call you on it. We're here to call you on it. Daily, one of the funniest people.

on earth. I just, like, we're always so happy to have you on the podcast. You crack me up so much. It's so funny and Twisted metal season two. I saw it first hand. It's so awesome. Machine guns on cars. Twisted metal. No, it's so good. You were

so, I was so happy that you. You're the best part of the show. I love it so much. You're so funny. You were so fucking funny. And we got to, we got to do a bunch of stuff together, which was even more fun. I love it, too. Yeah. MJ Smith. Yes, the man. John Diston. You've got to give it. And I got to Meet Samoa, Joe.

How cool is that? And Bill Benz? Are you, are you, we love? Bill Ben's a genius. I mean, obviously Bill Ben's the director of my episode of Twisted Metal. The man. He always just does the bet everyone, every single time I go to a production that Bill Benz is involved with, people are whispering behind the scenes.

You know, the best episodes are that guy, Bill Benz. And it's just true. He's so fucking funny and good. He's the man. Also, I am in my underwear for all of Doug Deli's episode. It's really funny. It's really, really great. Yeah, spoiler alert, I am in my underwear.

Daily, twist a bet on Peacock, we mentioned. Anything else you want to plug? Check out Fallout. We just shot season two of Fallout. It's so good, and season two is even better and so good. You're the top two video game shows in my mind. Two video games shows that wildly exceeded expectations. Yeah.

They're both so good. I'm happy to be in sci-fi, wasteland, nuclear fallout fucking... And you're great and hilarious in both shows, of course. Thanks for doing the show. And Twisted Monthel continues through the end of the month. I love you doing this. So look for...

We got more great episodes out, Mitch. Next week, the finale's are going to be bangers. 100% yes. That'll be a lot fun. And honestly, I did want to share that I did think of a Vegas shirt. Let me hear it. Yeah, I got PTSD. I prefer to suck dick.

Bye. Perfect. Bye. See you. Thanks, everyone. Thanks, guys. That was a HitGum podcast.