Doughboys - UNLOCKED: Red Hot Ranch with Jon Gabrus (LIVE)

Episode Date: July 2, 2026

Unlocked and free for all! Jon Gabrus (@gabrus, Staying Alive) joins the 'boys to talk burgers vs. hot dogs and Airbnb antics before a review of Red Hot Ranch. Plus, another edition of Sherlock Crumbs.Recorded live at The Den Theatre in Chicago on January 22, 2026.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to YouTube.com slash doughboys media. This episode is brought to you by booking.com. Booking.com offers a wide array of hotels and vacation rentals across the U.S. So you can find exactly what you're booking for? There's something for everyone, Wags, even those who are impossible to please.

Whether you're booking for yourself, your partner, your picky teens, your sleep, light, rise early mom, I know that. or your high-maintenance group chat. I know that as well. It's called the doughboys group chat. You can find exactly what you're booking for. Mitch, you and I travel a lot together. It's true.

Touring. And we found that we have some particular needs for ourselves and for our staff who makes the show possible. That's right. What we're always looking for is a big kitchen. We're always looking for places where you can repair food at the place. We always want nice bathrooms. We want big old bathrooms. And we want a nice TV so we can watch evening movies.

And if we can find our perfect stay on booking.com, anyone can. That's right, Wags. Find exactly what you're booking for. Booking.com, booking. Yeah. Book today on the site or in the app. Do it. What's up, everybody?

It's your boy The Spoon Man. I want to tell you about a hilarious podcast from Canada, eh? North of the Border. It's called Evil Men, hosted by comedians Chris Locke, James Hartnett, and Michael Belazzo. in every episode, these three idiots pick an evil man from history, pop culture, or fiction, and try to figure out what made them so damn bad, all while cracking each other the hell up. Along the way, you'll hear genuinely fascinating stories and bizarre historical details explained

by three guys who absolutely should not be considered experts. Sounds familiar. Sounds a little like the doughboys. We're not experts. We are horrible at knowing anything about fast food even after 10 years. So these guys are right up my alley. Now at the end of the episode, they summon the evil meter to score their subject from zero to 10 on the world-renowned Urkel to Hitler scale, which is such a great scale. Erkel being the absolute good, Hitler being the absolute bad.

I wonder where the devil himself ranks in there, or say, Dr. Evil. Maybe they branched Dr. Eval. I haven't listened to that episode yet, but if they did, I'm listening. So if you like comedy, Dark Tales, and hearing three Canadian maniac spiral into stupidity while discussing. Dictators, cult leaders, and creeps, check out evil men. New episodes are released every Thursday on the Sonar Network and wherever you get your podcasts. Do it. For 50 years, the West Coast chain in and out burger was fixed in its home territory of Southern California.

But in 1992, the family-owned burger shop finally branched out of state with its first location in Las Vegas, Nevada. And its L.A. to Vegas expansion would prove impactful for the culinary culture, of a third city, the Midwest metropolis of Chicago. For it was a visit to the Vegas In-N-N-Out that inspired Wiener's Circle founders Barry Nemero and Jeff Greenfield to enter the Burger Circle. As the new year turned over to 2005, Chicago was still reeling from the events of August 8th, 2004.

When the Dave Matthews Band's bus dumped liquid human waste onto a boltful of unwitting past on a Chicago architecture tour, drenching them with Carter Beaufort's urine and Boy Tinsley's turds. The incident stained the band's reputation, the city's character, and the victim's clothing. Thankfully for scarred Chicagoans eager to turn the page

on this civic tragedy. Later in 2005, Nemero and Greenfield opened a new restaurant featuring a throwback depression dog, followed by an in-and-out-inspired double-double clone. double clone. Today, a plaque commemorates the infamous DMBBM incident colloquially known as Poopgate. And the Wiener Circle spinoff has become a new Chicago institution with four locations as red-hot popularity as its name implies. This week on Doe Boys, Red Hot Ranch. We got a great show, but first, let me introduce my co-host. Dostairs.

man, Mike Mitchell. Pretty good. Fun angle. That was pretty good. That was good. What's up, Chicago? My kind of town, Wig's. Welcome to Chicago.

Big fat slobs like me. Looking forward to seeing you at the show Thursday night. Barnoloid. Is Barnalloyd here? What's up, Barnalloy? Wow. I love it. Good job.

Well played. Mitch, we have stairs in our Airbnb. The person you're with, I don't know if it's your significant. They're so proudly pointing down at you. Wait, what are you saying? We have stairs in our Airbnb. We got a lot of stairs. A little taste of home.

I fell down the stairs last night. Oh, my God. You witnessed it and you laughed. Oh, yeah, it was good. I thought you meant you had a full tumble. No, just a couple of stairs. We turned off the lights. We watched Minority Report last night.

Watched it in full. What a picture. What a great movie. Amelia had never seen it before. Yeah, that was fun. And we turned off the lights and I was like, I said before you did, I was like, he's definitely going to fall at some point. Yeah.

And then you came back with like two glasses of wine in your hand. And you didn't even miss the last stair. You missed the last two stairs, I did, yeah. And you almost went down hard. And then I think that they were like, all right, we got it. We have a fix to this. And Amelia put the game board sorry at the bottom of the stairs. Which I don't think was, I think that was just gonna,

I don't think that was gonna be helpful. It was intended as a visual cue of like, this is where your landing point is. Because it was very dark with a TV viewing, you know, lighting. And so like, it was just hard to see how many stairs were even there. Yeah, I know, everyone else got it. Anyway.

I'm fine. The stairs are helpful with the cockroaches. We got some cockroaches. We did get some, we did with some cockroaches. And other bugs. Yeah. We're going to bring in some spiders tonight. I was going to remind you.

Yeah, the spiders will take out the roaches. Yeah, that would be helpful. Then we'll bring in some rats to take out the spiders. Some raccoons to take out the rats. It's going to be fine. How you doing, Wags? I'm hanging in there. We're getting into the single diggies.

We're getting into the single digits. It would be better show if we waited to do this until we got into Red Hot Ranch. But these things are decaying by the minute. We have some surplus fish sandwiches from Red Hot Ranch, courtesy of Matt Burkle. We have four of them. So there's a quartet of people who really want them.

Amelia's going to hand them out. Who wants a fish sandwich? Who wants a fish sandwich? This guy does? This guy does? This guy right here first to see his hand up. All right. This guy and his signagina, they're pointing at him, too, that he wants one.

If you hadn't had the fish sandwich, you, all right. Amelia, the first hand I saw was right there in the center. I see this lady here raising her hand. Where the hell are you going? right here in the middle. But you're here one more time in the middle. Okay, all right, sorry. Oh, well, sorry. You got fucked.

Amelia fucked you. You promised one? How did that happen? When did this transaction take place? Oh, who would have thunk that more hands up than we thought? The Do Boys' Life Show. Anyone want to fish damage? 100 hands.

I am Spartacus moment. Our buddy Matt Burko, Burko Popcorn, brought some of his popcorn here, Chicago Original, and also brought some fish sandwiches, which was very nice. Yes, yeah, yeah. How would immediately get to try one. Yeah, thank you, Matt. That was very sweet of you. Where the hell are you?

There he is. Thank you. Thanks, buddy. The cockroaches are cold. It's so cold out there, why? They've got to come inside. It really is. We shouldn't tell.

These never went to our house, so they were not near the cockroaches. Just to be clear. How are you feeling? I feel very sick. I feel what... Yeah, you know, this is, I guess, night three for us in Chicago, night two of shows.

Who was here last night? Okay, thank you. Oh, you came back. All right. Sorry. A lot of, uh, I took a peptobismol on the... I went over, I had some stomach issues when we were coming out here,

and I took Pepto-Bismol on the plane, And then I revealed to you today that I haven't had a movement since then. Yes. And you were like, that's not good. Like a composer with writer's block. And then you told me, I have faith in you. You said this.

You're like, I did. You said, I have faith in you that it's going to happen today. And it did, Wags. And I told you it looked like a brookie. It looked like a brooky. Which I think we settled was like maybe about a three on the Bristol stool scale. Yeah, we were trying to figure it out.

Yeah, we're trying to figure it out. What's the math brooky to turd? It didn't look good. Also, by the way, speaking of to get into turds a little bit. Yeah. You should be so... You should be so happy that you have Dave Matthews... I just have to say, you should embrace that more than any...

Now he's a part of your city. It's a cool thing to have happen. What do you want... Kanye West? Who else do you guys have? Who are the other Chicago people? I mean, I know there's many others besides Kanye West. But you should embrace Dave Matthews.

He's a good man for crying out loud. They just let the shit out on a Brit. Who cares? It got tourists. You hate tourists. Don't you hate tourists? The only person who was found responsible... The only person was found responsible was the driver.

So the DMB was cleared of the incident. They were cleared of the incident. And I told you that, look, there's some more stuff. It's kind of... I get a little conspiracy theory about it. I heard it's the warm-up band. I'm not going to get into it. You heard there's a second bus.

You know, speaking of Pratt Falls, when we're in Chicago for the first time, God, when was that, 2017? Was anyone ever here at our very first Chicago show? We did Portillo's, and we did Lou Malnottis, I believe, on that swing. We did two shows in one night after the second show,

Christine Nangle and someone who's going to be out of here very soon, were our guests. And I was walking off stage. I had my laptop. I was holding it in front of me and fell down the stairs there and fully face-planted.

And an audience member who saw it because people were trickling anything out, but some people saw it. An audience member who saw it was so, like, you know, scarred by it that he DM'd me to make sure I was okay. Which was nice.

I was fine. Yeah, we don't have you move as much now in shows. If we get you in your seat, you're good to go. A listener remote diagnosed me in the comment. with hypermobility spectrum disorder, which I didn't know was a thing,

but okay, I'll take it. You're getting diagnosed from the audience? Someone, no, someone in the comments. Oh, okay. Our Patreon said, it sounds like why you're as hypermobility spectrum disorder. I haven't heard of it. Emma told me about it as well.

Congratulations. Yeah, thanks. It's honestly kind of a compliment. Sounds pretty good. I've been waking up every day. Actually, this is something you're probably used to, but I've been waking up to the sound of children screaming every morning.

Okay. We're next to a school. We're next to a school. So I woke up and I told you this morning there was a Wiger or Mitch type kid that I woke up to this kid going, Get the fuck off me! Made me laugh quite a bit.

Future podcasters of America. We should grab. Well, we shouldn't go and grab the kid. Be a good podcaster, grab him and take him away. We told this story that night, but we saved a dog. It's been a lot of interesting stuff that's been going on. A lot of interesting stuff that's been going on. We saved the dog.

We saved the dog. We should get our guests out here, right? Yeah, but you have a thing you do. Oh, I do the drop before he comes out. You do, you've always... Pretty good. That's an interesting choice. Are you okay?

Emma hit him with a drop. Take me out to the ball game. Take me out to the dog. Doe Boys, take me out to the dead. Oh, boy. Buy me some popcorn in hand. Let me drop, drop, drop for the dough boys. If they don't come, it's a shame.

Because it's one, two, three, four, you're out of the Platinum plane. Wow. We do, got to go to Chicago. Not in the wintertime. Why didn't we We should have listened to that drop Before we came Did we sit?

Well you know what? We can find out right now Hello Mitch, Tiger Weiger, Emma, Amelia, and D.K. Welcome to Chicago. We're sorry about the weather And for the Bears' loss on Sunday nights. Oh, Jesus.

The vibes are off. Well, they're even more off now. We're here. Is us coming worse than the Bears' loss? I can't tell. This drop includes vocals, For me, Chicago Leah, wow.

Wow. Those court members, Lattent Tiggles in BW and Sheila Cardi from Night Time Foam Corner. Wow. Please come back this summer and we'll take you out to a real ball game.

What do you think of that, Wives? How fun is that? I'd love to go to one of the Chicago sports arenas, one of the famed venues here. Sounds like you're very excited for it. I would. Rickley Field,

wherever the White Sox play. Soldier Field. And of course, your Chicago Bulls. Where do they play? What's their stadium now? Is it the United Center? Is it the United Center? Leah, aka Chicago, Leah,

and the DoSkore, Chicago, Leah is here. Thank you, Chicago, Leah. Thank you, Chicago, Leah. Good job. Drops at Birdfuck.com. Our guest, are you all ready for them? We're gonna laugh. We sure are.

From Action Boys and Staying Alive, our good friend John Gabris. I haven't seen you since this morning, Mitch, when I rolled over and said, Get the fuck off of me! You had a little bit of an audio incident of your own while you were sleeping. Oh, my God, yeah. At like six in the morning, I heard what sounded like someone dragging something through the house that we're staying in.

And then I thought, oh, maybe that's the sound of someone scraping the ice off their car. And then I'm like, or Mitch is like up lumbering around, scratching his back on like the house foundation or something like that. And then I swear to God, I hear Mitch's voice go, oh. And Mitch, I hear Mitch doing a voice saying, I gotta get shumped and sweet.

I swear to God. I swear to God. I swear on my dad's shallow grave. Why is it shallow? Because he's coming back. Look, I will say this, that when you had food orders, all I did say was, can we get honey? Yeah.

And I haven't touched the honey yet, but it is very bear-like. But I did not, I did not wake up, I did not try to get something. I didn't try to get anything sweet from the house. I woke up at about 4 a.m. But here's the issue. I can't, I have a CPAP mask strapped to my face. So I couldn't have been the... It's green with like a big yellow hat.

And you dance to the Rumba beat. Does it fully cover your, like, your mouth, or is it just one of those ones that goes over your nose? Come in, take a peek tonight. All right. Peaking aloud. Me and Nick go in there and look, and it looks like Darth Vader with the mascot.

I'm completely bald. Gray E.T. So I can't, I did wake up and around. I did not have my, I fell asleep in my bed, without my CPAT mask until about 4 a.m. And then I woke up and put it on. Maybe you were saying, let me get some sweet air. Oh, it could have been that.

I'm so tired of having multiple death episodes throughout the evening. I turned on the TV. So maybe it was something on the TV. I have no idea. I have no idea. Could have been that. I mean, you don't talk in your sleep, you were saying.

I don't usually. I will sometimes talk in my sleep. And his room is connected to Gabris's room. That's right. I'm above you. As requested. we wanted a way to be able to just get into each other's rooms without anyone else seeing where we're going

and Weiger talks in his sleep to us more than he talks to us throughout the day I've never connected more with Nick while he's asleep and I'm just answering his questions Ah, that's interesting, buddy When we left the house just a moment ago Gaboris and I were in the Uber And I said to Gavris I said, hey, did you bring the fridge?

And I felt like I was like, what am I in charge of here? I meant the keys. Confused keys for fridge. Even the Uber driver who's, like, English was like his third language was like, I was like, I know, it's only night two of four, we'll be five. How did your brain get there? I don't know, Nick. It's a crazy town we're in here.

We're eating a lot of heavy boo. I think it's the only cold experience you know is also being in front of the fridge. Or what if we were like, did you bring the fridge and William Refrigerator Perry leaned forward and said, Yeah, I'm here, man. Man, that would a fucking guest spot that would be. Is he dead?

Oh, very scary. Oh, no, he's alive. Oh, hell yeah. You guys decide amongst yourselves. This audience is always so authoritarian. If you're like, we had this burger place, they're like, you fucking shows wrong, you assholes. Then you're like, is this person from your city alive or dead?

Everyone's like, oh. I'm only really loud when it's opinion-based. When I can't get fact-checked. Last night we watched Minority Report in full, as we mentioned. Great movie. I really love it. When you say in full, you mean fully nude. We had Emma and Amelia fill up the bathtub with goo for the three of us to lay.

Murder, fish sandwich. I like that there's goo. I like the goo in the movie. There's people in the audience nodding. The goo is good. I'm a bit of a goo guy. Hey, Amelia, come out of here real quick. Our associate producer, Amelia Bruneo.

Amelia, this was a movie. your first time watching Minority Report, what did you think? Four stars. Okay. This generation in their fucking letterbox. It is letterbox. You can use words.

Letterbox stars, four. It was really good. Our TV was really tiny, though, so I could bear. I was asking them questions the entire time. I had no idea what was going on, but it was great. Yeah, the questions that would be answered within the next sentence.

Yeah, I would say, make an observation. I'm like, what's going on here? and they were like, just wait, just wait. And then within like two seconds, it was answered already. It was like you hadn't watched a movie. Yeah. They're setting something up, but I don't quite know what's going on. Yeah.

There's something of a mystery in this movie. Let me just say that when that wooden ball showed up and it was Tom Cruise's name on it, your jaw fucking hit the floor. It hit the fucking floor. Also, it should be five stars. Get the fuck off stage. Thanks, Amelia. We made the joke yesterday. that when you watch a movie with someone

and you want them to like it, you kind of watch it through their eyes and stare at them. And yesterday, I could tell how frustrated Mitch was getting with Amelia's confusion. Where she's like, wait a minute, so what they're doing is pretty much going to lead them directly to the crime.

And you're like, that's the premise of the movie! And then poor Amelia's watching this movie with three older... Three uncles. And Mitch just keeps going, did you hear that? You hear that? It's good information to hear.

I was trying to make sure she heard it. At one point, Amelia was on her phone, doing work for Doe Boys. And we were all like, get off your fucking phone. I told her, I said, give me your phone. I was like, I can't do that. I can't make Amelia give me her phone. What's your password? And then when Tom Cruise goes into the bedroom

where his son, there's pictures of his adopted son, I looked over her at Amelia and we fist bumped and she went, let's fucking go. Colin Farrell's like an orgy of evidence. There's a very similar beat to something that happens

in LA Confidential in that. Guess what? We're watching LA Confidential tonight. That's right. Well, we're watching Amelia watch LA Confidential tonight. In a remarkable coincidence, we're watching Minority Report.

We're planning to watch Minority Report and I'm up in the attic where I'm staying, sleeping on a couch. It's true. Whyger put himself, well, it's a complicated setup, but Wyker put himself in the attic, which is a living room

and has no attached bathroom. Mitch and I are on the next floor, each with our own attached bath. Mitch has used my toilet and shower three times. He has a shower and toilet attached to his room. He keeps coming in and trying to

shit in my bathroom. I didn't even shit. And I was like, but you were in here. Isn't that enough? He's got a bidet. I like it. You made such a big show of giving me the primary bedroom. You're like, you're our guest, you should have this.

And I'm like, all I want is a private bathroom space. I don't care about anything else, and you were like, you should have this. You're the guest. Hey, are you still showering in there? I walked in on you, taking a piss your first time in the bathroom. Well, because I didn't think had to shut my bathroom door in my unsweet bathroom.

I didn't expect one of the other residents of the house to walk in going, oh, hey, hey, you're pissing. It's got a cool shower that has like an elephant wash. You know the things that shoot from the wall? And it's fun. You're in there, you know, you're getting an elephant

wash from each side. Yeah, I get down on the ground and get into a Belgian oyster. It's where you get both ankles behind your head and I kind of just fucking go around like a little clam shell. You came in and you watched me off of the broom when I was in there.

I put a whole fish in your mouth and rubbed your neck. You have no real bathroom. You were upstairs in the attic like you said. You chose the attic. Yeah, it's fine. Well, this is why we have the linked bedroom so he can snake his huge hog in through the... And I can run it into the bathroom

like filling up in above ground pool. Oh, pools are things that you could swim in when the weather is normal. I like that you're up there in the attic, but is there a reason that you wear the phantom mask while you're up there? I'm up there in the attic. We're just about to watch Minority Report.

I look over, glance over it, like some of the books that are there. What do I see, but Tom Cruise all the world's a stage? That's right. Tom Cruise's biography? Autobiography? No, it's a biography by Ian Johnstone. But yeah, I was like, how about that? A Tom Cruise book.

When I left you last night, the movie was over. It was 2 a.m. very late for Wig. He was just on the couch looking at that book. I was looking for passages on my Nortierport, and unfortunately there's nothing particularly illuminating. He read it like Johnny Five from Short Circuit. But I thought this Airbnb tome might have a new home here at the Den. You can't do that.

We need to get that back. It specifically says in the Airbnb instructions that you have to wash the floors before you leave and make sure all the Tom Cruise books are placed back where they're... I'm being a nerd? No, this is the Airbnb people.

Oh, God. Because they're fucking strict as fuck. Over at... What if I said the address? Don't do it. You, someone would show up, you sick, fox. Eminemalia will protect us. We make Amelia sleep in front of the front door.

so someone breaks in and he'll wake her up she has a little dog bed we fly with it for audio listeners this is the second night of the Den Theater which has been a lovely venue everyone's been great to us what a great spot but there are these bookshelves

full of volumes and knickknacks that are to either side of us on stage it's to you know give that juxtaposition of highbrow and whatever the fuck this podcast is the opposite of books We eat garbage and then talk about it. That leads me to my next question.

Hot dogs versus hamburgers. Because I really thought this was going to be more of a hot dog experience, but it's just as much, if anything, a hamburger restaurant. We've been burgged out this entire trip so far. I mean, we've had a couple dogs, but it's burger-heavy so far. Yeah. We rescued a few dogs. We did.

We've eaten a few. They're rescuing the dogs. They're eating the dogs. the dogs and the burgs. Look, I'm the burger boy. I love hamburgers, but I also love myself a hot dog. Mitch, where, like...

Wager didn't save the dog, by the way. He wasn't there. I wasn't there. No, I had to find... He said, and said, leave it. I, look, I live in Southern California my entire life. I'm not prepared for cold weather. I criminally underpacked. So I had to go to, like, the fucking Burton and try to get some cold weather

gear. I got some gloves and some socks. He sent a text the day before our flight and going like, is everyone bringing jackets or something like that? Something. You know when your smartest friend, you start to go like, wait a minute. Has he been tricking me for all these years?

And then Emma's like, yeah, dude, it's like one degree there right now. And Weiger's like, for real? I think it's January, dog. And I'm like, I'm reading these texts I'm at home panicked because I'm wearing my one sweater I own and one pair of pants and I'm like

fuck what I'm gonna pack and I'm like I'll be doing much better than fucking Tiger Y girl We asked you what you were bringing you said a sweatshirt in genital mittens Where do you stand on a hot dog versus hamburger? Hmm okay Marry fuck kill hot dog hamburger me

I'm marrying you or I'm fucking you well hmm Oh I'm killing you, hold on. I think if you fuck me, I'll die. Because I'll kill myself because I'll be at the highest point I could ever be

in love. Having just fucked my second favorite doughboy. Nick's number one? I was counting myself. Works versus dogs. Answer the fucking question. Rollo Tomasti. Fuck, yeah.

It's from L.A. confidential. We're going to look at each other and look at Amelia when it said, and I, um... Amelia, wake up. You missed it. Wake up! I'm looking for something sweet.

I did not. I did not say that. I turn on the T... I turned on Fox News at about 4.30 a.m. Heard about J.D. Vance's new son on the way. Please name him, Michael. And I had the TV on for 30 minutes, so there maybe was an ad where some guy

was looking for something sweet. I have no idea. But I did not go... I was not... I was not near your room saying, I need something sweet. You were eating something sweet, though, while we were watching that movie. Oh, shit. I had those sour patch strawberries, and I was going to fucking town on those things.

Yeah, it was a real fun juxtaposition as Weiger ate actual strawberries going, these strawberries are delicious, and me and Mitch are like, so are these. That is very true. And we took a bag of mambos to the dome. Mambas, mambas. Whoa.

Holy shit. Keep saying mombo. I can't believe how off I was. No, think Kobe, not Lou Bega. He's right. That's what I do when I'm trying not to come. Kobe, not Lou Bega. Oh, no, I've got a little bit of Monica.

Oh, hamburgers versus hot dogs. See, I could be Weiger and Mitch. I'm a job out a good time watching you. I got to go burgers, why? I'm sorry. It's fine. You don't apologize anymore. What mixed shit ever is, hey, tell us

your opinion the second you say a harmless thing. I'm sorry. If you want me eat a hot dog, I promise, I will. It's a dog town here. It is. Right? It is, but I think, I mean, I think people love a hamburger here. People eat a damn cheeseburger.

We might be in Chicago, but Chicago is in America. One of the first, big burgers. I think that they might be, people don't like them anymore, I think. Kuma's Corner is where I went when I first. What happened? What happened? What did they do? The quality went down. Polly went down. What's that? Tail as old as time.

Cancel. They got canceled? Oh, bad owner. Okay. Owners MAGA. Hey, separate the art from the artist. Woody Allen makes a hell of a carbunara. A recurring. theme we hear from the audience and from people in general is like, oh, that place sucks. The

quality went down. Yes. I think we can say quality in general has gone down. It's not specific to just Kuma's or small chival. It's society. It's everything. No way, the owner that has a burger called Goblin Cock, he's

a little problematic. Fucking edge lord dickhead anyways. And you know what? I never really liked Kuma's corner. I didn't think it was that good. Okay, okay, okay. Okay. Look, I like it's politics. You're like Tony Hawk pulling this 180. I'm saying the first

famous burger place I went to was Kuma's Corner. They had something called the Goblin Cock? Yeah, there was a Goblin Cock burger. Yeah, yeah. Okay, and is it still canceled? Me gusto los Cox de Goblinos. Is it G-O-B-B-L-I-N-A-Postrophe? Like it's the gerind of Gobolin-Cocke.

Or is it like the little ork kind creature? Goblin, like a cock called a goblin. I think it's a goblin. Because it's all named after bands, right? Isn't that, isn't that, there's a band called Goblin Cock? Oh, okay. There's a band called Goblin Cock? I think so.

I got to see these guys. Two tickets for Goblin Cock. Brother, I don't think you know what you just ordered. I always thought it was a little overrated, but I will say we had Small Chaval last night. I liked Small Chaval. I like small shawall. I like small. I'm a fun time.

God damn it. I already got into this last night. You're being too mean to small. It's good. I think everything small is good, right? Just us. Small works. Well, mine doesn't work either.

Okay, I got the Kuma menu here open. I thought that they were all going to be like, you know, whatever, like the piss dragon. They were all going to be kin to the goblin god. No, most of these are pretty innocuous. got an Iron Maiden, a Led Zeppelin, they got a Metallica, Mastodon. These are just like, I think you kind of buried the lead here.

They're named after bands. They're not named like disgusting foul things. Goblin Cock. Pig Destroyer. Yeah. I don't see the Goblin Cock even though. That might have been a seasonal offering. It's only at Christmas.

Yeah. Do you guys like this show? Hold on. Let us look up the menu for another restaurant. based on one of Mitch's like half pandering memories. You know what place I really liked? Kevin Spacey Spaghetti Factory. Kids eat free.

It was an easy joke. I was not supposed to say it. Swish. Fucking swish, bro. Like Pippin, my favorite bull. Oh, I love Scotty Pippen. I fucking love Scottie Pippen. He's so.

cool. What's going on? If he played for a different team, he would be an absolute legend. His son's in the league. He's got a Vim Jr. Did Pippin's son marry George? Who's, what happened here? Is it Pippin's ex is married a Jordan's son? I believe it's the, yes, yeah, yeah, Larissa Pippen was dating

one of Michael Jordan's sons for a time. I don't know if they're still together. Oh. They're not, okay. Yeah. Oh, I guess I got to get a new airbrushed crew neck sweatshirt Whenever I think of the Chicago Bulls, I think of really dumb crew neck sweatshirts because my grandma was like dumb and poor and every Christmas she'd be like...

Hey, be nice to her, for God's sake. If you met this woman, you'd agree wholeheartedly. But wonderful lady. But she would get us Chicago Bulls sweat. My whole family is Nick's fans. We all live in New York. She never lived. anywhere but Long Island

and it must have just been like they were $3 at the outlets and I would have these like 5XL crew neck no one at school like I couldn't wear bulls like it had like a drawing of Michael Jordan's like in a big headway

on it and shit and I'm like what the fuck is this and my dad and mom would be like as we opened it they'd be behind my grandma going don't you got like you act grateful and we're all like oh sick and we're like holding up this fucking long shirt and shit.

I'm glad she's so happy she gave you that gift so she could be mocked in her death at a live food podcast. She's here. She left Long Island for the first time. The lights are flickering. Welcome back, well, welcome back, Grandma Deere.

She's not in hell. Yeah. I don't believe in either, but I don't think she's loving where she's at. So, Burgers v. Yes, yeah. I'm a burger. I am also a burger boy. Yeah, I mean, I'll take a burger over.

But here's the thing. I love a hot dog. I'm a burger, they, them. I'm not going to say, I'm not going to gender myself in this situation. I'm a freak for burgers. That's fair. I mean, pizza wins out for me overall. Of course, yeah.

But here's, I mean, we're talking to this binary. I mean, like, like, what I like about a heated dog is that, like, you have a burger, you're kind of can, are probably going to stop at one, you know, unless you're really going to gorge. Hot dogs, you get two or three. Yeah. I'm saying in general. I mean, I... Oh, yeah, you know.

That's, yeah, classic. Hold on. Hey, Siri, what is stopping at one? Seek help. Okay. Look, I went to McDonald's this year and got a quarter pounder with cheese and a side sandwich double cheese burger. So, like, I know the game of getting more than one burger,

but I'm the burger boy. But I think hot dogs, it's more than that. Like, the normal number of hot dogs, I feel like is too hot dogs. Oh, two. I'll have more than two hot dogs. No one ever gets one hot dog. No one gets one hot dog and like, I'm good. Yeah, like, unless it's like Obama

pretending like he's normal. Yeah. I'll have Dijon. Get the fuck out of here. Who I see the only present you go after? Didn't he famously put Grey Poupon on a hot dog? Did he really?

Roasted for it? Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Chicago doesn't know about that either, but God forbid you say small chival. I wish I could take back my vote for him What we're talking politics Just won Right in in 2020

Remember when Mitt Romney said my favorite meat is hot dog I need not win he should have won Most human thing he ever said God bless him Yeah God bless Mitt Romney We didn't know how good we had it What about your ideal fry? Because this is this place, the fries are something we're going to talk about.

Oh, we're talking about the fries. Uh-huh, yeah, fries. Guess what? Someone on the panel doesn't like them. Oh. Yeah. I didn't say who. What is your, like, what is your ideal fry construction?

McDonald's. No, I know, but I'm just saying like... What do you like better? Pizza, burgers or hot dogs? Pizza. What's your eye instruction? McDonald's. Okay.

Do you have a form factor, Do you have a girth you like? Do you have a salt level? Do you like season fries? This is also what I heard from Nick's sleep talking. Do you have a girth that you like? Do I have a curve I like with fries? I'll tell you.

I said the word I used was girth, not curve. Oh, curve. Like a thickness. You know what girth is? You've heard it in reference to other people. The curse that we're so girthy around our stomachs and chest is very, It's very frustrating. Look.

I like, I like, I know I said this already, but I like a McDonald's, girth fry. Okay. So I like a thin. Not quite a shoe string, but more like a, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like a normal, what people consider a normal fry. And I like a, I like a, don't give me any,

I don't want a, you know, I don't want any of that curvature. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want like a potato wedge. I think you want a slight bend so it hits the right spot in your mouth. Because you got to kind of go, up and in with the fry. Jesus. To hit the fry spot.

So that you could be satisfied. Hell yeah. He thought he made up satisfied. Last night, Wager thought he made up Satisfry. And I was like,

that's a burger king. I didn't think I made it up. He thought he made that up. What a funny thing to say. You thought you made it up. He thought he made up this word. And I called it out. It was actually from a commercial

from 20 years ago. Got him. I can't drink pepdoll. Bismaw and my stomach hurts so much. I haven't drank any water. So it's part of this... That's the big problem. You drank water today. Gabris said, is that the first

glass of water you've had on this trip? And you said, I think so. And then immediately went to the bathroom. Yeah. Hydrate. That's I think that's key. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good. You got this smart water in front of you. Crack that bad boy open. I might have rabies. I do have a very huge aversion

to water. I don't know what the deal is. You have hydrogen. Hydrophobia? Hyderphobia. Like Ben the chimp. You're like that primate? Primate. We're talking primate.

We're going to make Amelia watch that shit too. For my fries, I'm kind of in the same camp as Mitch, but I do love a waffle and a crinkle. A lot of fun. Nathan's as a kid sent me down a path of crinkle that I never thought I would stick to, you know? But I miss a crinkle. Love a crinkle. I like all fries. I like all fries.

But I'm saying like if you like, like I do like steak fries, but I have to admit that I would like a thinner fry in general. I do like string fries, but I'd like them to be like a little thick. You know what I mean? Like I kind of like wanted something in the middle. Thick fries save lives, baby. A steak fry to me if it's, if it's crispy enough, I think it's great. But they're always getting a bad version of it.

Look, I think that we'll get into the fries here. We're getting into the fries right now. We're talking about the restaurant already? No, we're talking about fries. I'll get into it. Also, we're talking about the restaurant already. We're 40 minutes into the show. No.

It's a timer right there. I'm having so much fun. Oh, okay. Hola, miamo spoon man. You know, I don't know another language. It's true. And if I learn one, I'd want it to be Spanish because I might go to Spain in the next year or two.

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I want to say this about Red Hot Ranch. I looked at the website of Red Hot Ranch, but this is on the plane. Yeah. Because we got Red Hot Ranch the first night that we got off the plane. Logistically, we got out of. off at the airport. We went from the airport to Red Hot Ranch. Yes. And I

Google the menu forever to look at and I just have to say this and I kind of, this is not a slam on Red Hot Ranch, but there's a picture of the grill on their website and the grill is dirty. Yes, yeah. On the landing page of Red Hot Ranch's website is a visibly dirty

grill. And all of you are like, it's the best restaurant in Chicago. It might, I mean, I'm not saying, it doesn't doesn't have anything to say on the time we had there, but it is a dirty... I'm not going to a place underneath a train with zero seats

and not thinking the grill might have a little dirt on it. But on the website, you guys, they couldn't have cleaned it up just a little bit on the website? I think it's kind of endearing. There's something about hot dogs in general that they're like bane. They're like made in the filth, you know?

Like a hot dog rises from the scum. It's pig and horse lips and dicks and tits pressed into a fucking fallace and then cooked it on fucking slime. I want to go straight to the source on that.

You don't need to combine them all. I'll say this. The grill was dirty. Then we got into the restaurant and Amelia was like the website looked so much better. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, I think Amelia said she bent down

to tire shoe and noticed how dirty the floor was. But luckily, we were going to stand and eat our first meal in Chicago. Look, this place, and I like a sort of, you know, trashier cash-only place, which I say, you know, with love about this week, with affection. I mean, it reminds me of like a Tommy's burger in L.A., which is like an older concept versus this place I think is, you know, about 20 years old. Tommy has been around for decades. Well, two is a number of decades. I understand.

Let's not be pedantic here. You know what I made. My robots with sniper rifles just stood up. If someone said decades and it's 20 years, you'd be a little bit like, all right, I guess you're technically right. So get off my back. Anyway.

Jesus. It's been open 20 years? Yeah, like 2005 it opened originally. It seems way older than that. That's what I was going to say. It reminds me of a place like Tommy's that has been around since like the 50s and has the layer of grime to it,

but that's part of the charm. and you go in there, you know... You guys grimed it up fast. Put it five or six decades worth of crime in a fucking decade or two. In Chicago, restaurants age like presidents. Old as fuck, but

won't die for some reason. Parity. Parity, satire. Fair use. I think you can just hope for someone to die. Oh, yeah. But I would never do that.

You know what I mean? I feel like there's so many towns in America that have a place akin to this. But yes, you're right, Mitch. It's usually a place that's been around since like the 50s or 60s. Yes, yeah. It's very grimy.

You know what? CalPackas told me this and we didn't experience this there. But I like this factor, especially because it was whatever, 13 degrees when we were there. So cold. It's by the train. And if you sit outside, they give you earplugs

to so you can sit under the train and eat. How fun is that? That's really exciting. Very cool. I thought it was fun. Mitch, that is fun. That is fun.

I lived by the... I saw you take some and then just put them in and we got to the house. I took, I ate three like they were pills. I didn't know what... I thought the guy was giving me Molly. But now I need him so I don't have to hear you

creeping around eating starbursts and mum buzz in the middle of the night. What did I say? I want something sweet. Yeah, I got to go for something sweet. Something like that. And it was like in an Adam Sandler type voice, so I really thought it was you. You didn't see anything.

But I was, I was visualized. And then I laid deadly still listening for like 10 minutes because I was like, someone's coming for me or something. He's looking over your bed. I'm not looking over your bed. Hold on. This is my friend, the Slender Man. Nick, my sleep paralysis demon is Nick Weiger.

It's an... Good morning, buddy. Slender Man's put on some pounds. It's an odd setup where the attic has a slash living area up there has some windows that open where it can look down into the master bedroom for some reason. It's very strange. I think we know the reason.

Some people like they want their cuck chair to have a bird's eye view. So Weiger watches me and Mitch fuck in the king. He's got a rear window to our rear windows. Emma and I went out to smoke a joint at the Red Hot Tavern and we were outside and we're like, oh, over here is perfect. And then the L came and it scared us so much. But neither of us moved or anything because we didn't know what to do.

So we both, we were just in the middle of smoking. We both went. And we froze like this for the duration of the train. And I'm like, I was like, why did we both do that? Emma's like, did we think something was going to fall on us or something? We both did not react in a good way, but we both went. We told her no weed on this trip. She's going to sleep in the dog bed tonight.

Tried to stop me too, man. But if you're going to make me eat fucking garbage for four days, I need a little performance enhancement. We should say also, well, we also, all right, well, there's a couple things going on. We made a revisit to Red Hot Ranch. It wasn't our only trip. We'll talk about it. Red Hot Ranch was by far the highest vote getter in our Chicago listener poll.

It seems to use both Red Hot as one word and Red Hot as two words. which is fine. That's fine. It's cash only, which I like, and there's no seating at the Bucktown location we went to, though when we returned to Red Hot Ranch at the Skokie location today,

there was seating. I've been trying to get clarity on whether or not they cook their fries and beef tallowed. I can't find a source. Some people are saying it. You're saying, what's that? Do you know?

Someone said something and then is not... What's going on? What happens? What's going on? It's a best way to eat french fry. Does anyone know what oil they're cooked in? It's not beef towel, okay. Okay.

We don't have, like, anything on what the oil is. We just know what it isn't that. Okay, got it. You guys could tell by taste. Is that what you were saying? It's a war on protein. Anyway, we get in there. It's cold as fuck.

I got a basketball game playing on my phone. It's standing room only. It's pretty hopping. Like, people were coming in and out of there. coming in there for what a Tuesday night Yeah for Tuesday night for sure pretty late Because like like 11 p.m. Oh, two young people

were so fucking stoned And I heard one of them say A burger no tomato which is like my Go-to order because I don't like tomatoes on sandwiches For sauce only And when I said I'm like I'm a no tomato burger guy too Like because I'm high and I'm trying to connect And this like little green-haired kid is like

And I'm like oh my God I'm bugging this fucking person out. I totally forget that I have like undercover cop face. I'm like, fat surpico. Maybe his name would be syripoico. Pretty good. But I said, I was like, and then I was like, don't worry, kid, I'm higher than you are.

And then they were like, I doubled down in a way. They like rushed out of the restaurant. He was spooked because they called his name and he just was staring dead ahead. That's how I knew he was. with, like, no tomato? And I'm like, that might be me. And that kid is just, like, frozen.

You really got to him. You spook the hell out of them. So we get in there, and we go up to make our order. I believe it was Jason who helped us out. It was very friendly. He was very friendly. It was funny because it was like, it was like, do you want us to all do what it once?

He was like, yeah. And we're like, all right. We were going to do the thing of like, hey, Mitch goes up there and is like, hey, these are all together, and we're just going to put our individual order. But he was like, no, you should all figure out your order and then bring it to me as one order.

He told us a fuck off face. We were going to do it like one at a time. But this was probably better. We got together. We got together. We got a game plan. And we all put together what we were going to order. We got two of the RHR cheeseburgers.

There was a one RHR just burger. Amelia got it without the cheese. Two RHR double cheese burgers. These all come with fries for people who have an like you order the thing and it just has and fries as a default. And we also got. three of the hot dogs and fries. Now the hot dogs, they are not

like a classic Chicago style dog as people maybe know them. They are, I guess what's called a depression dog, which is a little bit streamlined. Mustard, relish, onion, sport peppers, and fresh cut fries, which they put just on top of that bad boy. We also got a Polish and fries and the piece de

resettantes, one pound of fried shrimp. Mitch, you were trying to talk me down to a half pound. I was saying, are you sure we don't just need a half pound? He was like, nah, I want a pound of a shrimp. The shrimp were the fucking hit of the meal. The shrimp were so fucking good.

We were jamming it down. Pass me to cocktail sauce. Which tastes like barbecue sauce. Kind of a barbecuey cocktail sauce. It was interesting. I came around to it. I ended up liking because with the, because I'm not always a fried shrimp in cocktail sauce person.

It does feel more like a shrimp cocktail kind of vibe. Yeah. But with the fucking fry on it, having that little bit of barbecue really hit like in the, gets you into like a seafood shellfish tender territory. Yes, that was jazz right there right there. These some bitches come in a paper bag. They're plump as hell. And they are...

I didn't think that you would want a pound of fried shrimp at 11 p.m. Well, we had a party of us. We had a party of five. You did. I know, I know. You took out a good half pound of that bad bull. I took care of a lot of shrimps.

You did. But also, I know Amelia always rolls the dice on. on fish. And I don't know. I'd heard they were good. And you know what? They absolutely delivered. But like they're big as hell.

And then they are like at least the way are the execution that we got was was fried pretty well done. Like they had a deep like a really like, you know. On an eyeballing it, I was a little let down. Right. Right. Right. But then it really worked. Yeah.

When it's that fried too, you can like eat shell and tail and it doesn't really hurt, you know. Was there shell and tail on it? I have no idea. Is that when my stomach is hurting so bad? Shrimp tails are good for you. I love those. Let's talk about the burgers. Wow.

Kick it off there. I'm thinking this restaurant, I'm going to keep using the word restaurant for some reason. It has a picture of a hot dog on the outside. It's got hot dog, everything. And then I go and I get this, I'm like, oh, I'll get this R-H-R burger, no tomato. know, the fucking thing impressed the hell out of me.

It was good. I'm thinking I'm getting a hot dog place. And then I'm like, well, I might, because the burger at Nathan's, which is in my mind, the, like, first hot dog place I ever went to. Like, the burger at there is pretty solid, but not, this burger is, like, you know, elevated burger chain level. You know, like, a dozen of them in L.A., not to be a coastal elite, but I am. And so this burger, like, can hang with any of the fucking big boys.

No, for sure. And look, I've crushed dozens, if not hundreds. It's got to be hundreds of in and out burgers over the course of my life. I've had hundreds and I moved to L.A. 2012. I'm just trying to do the math here. That's your favorite restaurant, dozens? It's got to be hundreds.

We know how he feels because hundreds, it can't just mean 200. Right, right, right. I've eaten a lot in and out burgers. I've been eating in and out burger back when it was a reward for a good report card. for a fat little next. The last few years. And now you eat it for every week where you don't use the noose.

All right, double, double. This is clearly derived from that. By the owner's admission, they're trying to do an an out-inspired roadside burger. And let me tell you, special sauce, lettuce, tomatoes,

and onion, there's a little bit of horseradish in the special sauce, which I really like. A little kicking there. That was like the conversation for maybe the first 25 minutes of our meal was all of us, because we got to the burger

at different times, and everyone was like, is there a horse rat? And then someone would be like, I think there's horseradish. It's the most amount of times I've said horseradish in my life. And I think the guy behind the car was like, yeah, there is. Shut the fuck up. But to your point, this could absolutely hang with an in-and-out cheeseburger any day of the week. I mean, I loved it.

That was delicious. Oh, my God. And you've had those dozens of times. You should show a picture of the two. There's a picture of the two owners here that you said looks like it just looks like, here you go, show the crowd here. I don't know, this will be on the iPad screen. And why is this just looks like aged up me and him?

Yeah. It does look like we came to close their loop, but I have a feeling that we don't have to close the loop. when we're not speaking anymore and doing the Do Boys 50th anniversary tour for money because this is what we'll look like. You're doing it at the sphere in 2016.

Jesus. We should no other choice those guys and take over Red Hot Ranch. Spoiler. They don't. Now you haven't seen it. It's kind of the premise. But they were inspired by

in an Outburger. That's what they say on the sign. That's what Nick said. Did you listen to me? For one second. That's what Nick just said. Have some fucking water. And don't forget the fridge.

They look like good guys. They look like good guys. We like them. They have, I guess, with a weiner's circle, and they seem to have decent politics. I don't know as restaurant owners go. Maybe sort of like kind of mainstream liberal politics, but whatever. They own the weaner circle as well.

Yes, yeah, we're going to the weir circle was the original. I thought we were going to the weir circle, so I feel bad that I walked in. I said, who's this fucking loose? behind the cash register. Nice fucking haircut, Jason. And everyone, you were like, it's not this place, dude. I was like, came in ready to fucking rumble. I've never been a weiner circle.

It's a sad, I know. Should we go? I wonder what they would say to us. Go to night. No, that's how we get assassinated by you. Go tonight. And she's screwing a silencer on a pistol. She can't come to these shows anymore.

She's sick of her boyfriend coming here. We were getting a big order, but I do regret not having gotten the double cheeseburger, because I feel like that's kind of like, it feels like the default burger here. How was the double? So much fucking better. Fuck. I didn't have the single for comparison, but the double, the double was lit. The double was lit.

Yeah. It was a little embarrassing when everyone ordered a single burger, and then you go to me, are you doing a double? I changed my order. I had a single in. I changed it to a double. We like Thelma and Louise did, but with our cardiovascular system. He's like, held hands, and we're like, yep.

We ride a dog. Let's talk dogs. I like, I like the dogs. No, I was like, I get the fries on top, and I'm like, I don't really know what to do with it. It's a little cumbersome. So I'm like, I'm taking a few handfuls off of this thing because I'm like, oh, is that just how the fries are presented? They're like, no, it's meant to be eaten with the dog. But is it supposed to be eaten with the dog?

Or are you supposed to pull them off and just eat them as is? What do you? Both are valid. Both are valid. And that's really funny because I was standing next to Mitch and he was like trying to eat his hot dog and French fries are falling off. And he's like picking them back up and putting them on. He's like, it's really hard to eat. And I'm like, I don't know if I like all these fries.

I'm like, take some off. And you were like, oh, yeah, wow, much easier. I want them. If they could feed it to me, I'd pay for that. want any level of... I would. Must be nice. Jason, why don't you come over here with that snow shovel

and pour these fries down my fucking throat? I didn't know what you were. I didn't know if it was supposed to be on the prize there, but there was, there was too much. I share your anxiety. I want to eat this the correct way. So I know what you're saying. We're scared at the end of the day. We're scared. I know exactly. Sometimes at a restaurant, I'll ask like the

server when they drop something at the tail, I'd be like, and so we just eat this like, and they're always like, yeah, like the fucking, it's food, you put it in your mouth, and I'm like, well, I don't know, do we, because sometimes they're like, you're going to want to stir that whole thing up and just smash it all together, crack the yolk and whack the right, you know. I need all that because I want to do it as the chef wants me to do it. That's how I feel too. Yeah, so that's why we were all eating and looking at Jason like, Daddy. He ended up liking us all right. Jason liked us. Jason gave around. We win everybody over. We tip big and we are giant charming freaks. Yeah, that's true. We talked to every single person that came into. We did talk to everybody.

Some of them wanted it. We'll get into it. Why? Is I going to say this about the dog? A little spicy dog. Oh, well, the sport peppers were coming through. And I appreciate that because, you know, I'm a bit of a heat seeker. But no, had some real pop to it.

It's a real puncher. That was great. I thought that the... I never heard the phrase sport peppers until now. I like it. How was that possible? I don't get that either, personally. I've heard the word sport.

Maybe... And I've also heard the word peppers. But I've never heard the sport as a modifier for pepper. What is that signaling? What is that telling me about the pepper? It's a very well-known Chicago. So you don't have an...

No one has an answer. just condescension only okay yeah so I see thank you it's a very common Chicago it's a little thin pepper it's a little but what about it not a lot of girth I don't know yeah I know the animology of it is it what it's a pickled serrano pepper

it's a pickled serrano pepper okay there's the fucking answer I'm looking for thank you thank you thank you very much out there how sporty but it's a big it's a very huge it's big in Chicago yes Pope Leo's giving him a... That's what I say when I take my ticket out. It's actually big in Chicago.

You say that when you're not in Chicago? You wouldn't love this thing in Chicago. Pope Leo serves him at the Vatican now instead of communion. You get a sport pepper. You Christ. Oh, body. What did you think of the dog itself, though, Mitch? What the fuck?

What did you think? startled me. That was insane. That was so much... My heart's racing. Was that too intense? I didn't know if he was going to kiss me or kill me. I could feel my fingers and toes.

My heart raced that much. There was arguably so much menace and or Riz on that sentence. I can't determine. You might get an addict surprise for me tonight. Sucking you off while you're hanging from a noose. Legend continues. For the dog, I thought the sport pepper, I'm so happy to use this phrase now that I know what it means.

I love that it was added the spice, a little spicy for my gringo palate, but I fucking love the snap. It added an extra crisp to the dog. Yeah. And the dog was snappy, which is important. You want a snappy we need. Some lady you reeled, thank you. The sport pepper's fine. Tears in her eyes.

Gabris jersey on. Thank you, sir. But I enjoyed the dog. Yeah. And I'm a dog skeptic. A dog skeptic. I just wanted to say something bold. I don't believe they exist.

What do you think of the Polish? Well, here's the thing. I don't like them as a people personally, but... I like the pole. Oh, I forgot there's a lot of you here. Let's see how many. Can someone help us change this life, bold? The year of the Lord, 2026.

We got Polish life bulb jokes. Still goes. I think I learned it from one of the most offensive books I was ever gifted at the age of twill. I got a book. This is, you want to hear of John Gabor's origin story? I got a book that was called Tasteless Jokes at a used bookstore in like 1993

when I was like 11. This guy's going on. And it was chapter by chapter on ethnicity, religion, race. It was like, here's a lot of it. Italian jokes and I would like bust them out with my... I'll tell you one Italian joke that's stuck in my head that I said to my family, we are Italian, so I'm allowed to say this.

I said, I said, Dad, what's it like to go down on an Italian woman? And he was like, what, Johnny? And I was like, it's like eating sushi off the barbershop floor. Is that fucking... How old were you? I was like 11. Do you remember that one?

Shout out the author, Blanche Knott's right there. How about that? Holy shit. You also had this volume? Multiple. You had more than one. It was truly, I got that at like 11, and it was like getting a fucking Bible for me.

Also sitting at your table, I don't know if you all are together. Your t-shirt is the first level of Donkey Kong. How about that? We got a kill screen. That rules. Cool as hell. That's a horrifying joke.

I know way more I'm not going to say any other ones stick to the Italian chapter this is reminding me of like when I was in seventh grade it was a hot day and I said to my friend who was a Jehovah's Witness it's hot as snatch today

the next day at school she comes up to me and she said I got in trouble because I told my mom it was hot as snatch today she didn't know what it meant just thought it was an expression. By the way, was this the same year you were talking in a different voice? No, that was eighth grade.

Oh, eighth grade. Because it's horrifying. It's it's hard to snatch you. Whatever the fuck voice you talked in for a full year of your life. My psycho co-host. As much as I like the hot dog, I thought the Polish was even better.

We liked the Polish more. I really like that Polish. That was delicious. It like forced a better ratio because it just by being a little bit meaty or a little girthier. Oh.

Ding, ding, ding. We won a prize. A little girthier. It worked with the sport peppers and all the other ingredients. I thought it hit even harder on that. Yeah, I really, the Polish I really,

I really loved. I was having a, I had a great time overall. We were having a great time. It came on an inflatable dartboard, which was helpful. It's from the book. That was the one

that offended people. Okay. That's the one that was too far inflatable dark for it? No, I'm piecing it together. It's a Polish joke. Yes. He was telling him the night

you probably weren't listening. He started going on a Polish joke riff. I'll stand by it if I actually did it, but I don't... You talked about screen doors on a submarine. I just think it's such a funny thing. We're all... Everybody's dumb. Ah, yeah.

I got your back too, brother. Thank you there. That was the consensus, though, right? I don't think that's a heretical opinion to say that we like the Polish more than the hot dog. I really enjoyed it. But I thought both were great. But here's the thing. I go into Red Hot Ranch and I'm like, okay, I'm in this hot dog place.

As you mentioned, Mitch, the hot dog signage. Hot dogs are at the forefront. This place is founded around hot dogs. This is the Wiener Circle guys. I was like, this is a hot dog restaurant. This is the focus of this eatery. And no, this is a hamburger restaurant. Their burger is so fucking good that the hot dog.

It gets second billing, as far as I'm concerned. Yeah, I'm going to start calling Red Hot Ranch my favorite burger and shrimp spot. Honestly, a delightful combo. Who knew? I don't get the dog there. I'm a shrimp guy. You're like, what's this asshole talking about? And then you show them.

Red Hots are a name for hot dogs, correct? Yes. And it's a red hot, but the Red Hot Ranch burger. And then they don't call the hot dogs redhots on the menu. They call them hot dogs. They call them hot dogs. What the fuck's going on there? Hot dog.

also one word. Hot dog. That's how it is on the menu. So why don't they call them red hot? If it's red hot ranch, whatever. That doesn't matter. There wasn't enough ranch there for my... Well, it's not like that...

It's like ranch in terms of like a ranch. It's not saying we have ranch dressing. I used to spend some time at the red hot ranch in the Nevada Valley. Two nights in a row. Brothold jokes. Broffled jokes. And so they had a Pepsi fountain and it was a light wall. Oh my God, that's the highlight of the we walk in.

He goes, all right, Pepsi. And we were like. Which is about the most boring thing you can say. The three, everyone behind like all the cooks looked over. They're like, what? We got this guy excited about Pepsi? And then also today we were talking about cold water versus room temperature water. And Weiger goes, I like room temperature water.

Probably surprises no one. I'll tell you, they had a crisp-ass orange slice. I followed your lead and got the orange slice. It was fucking, or was Orange Crush? Oh, it was Orange Crush, yeah, I got the Orange Crush, and I thought it was delightful. It was damn good. I went with a D.P. I got a, you know, I visited the doctor, which was a real treat.

I knew I was going to need a doctor. I didn't know it was going to be on day one, but. We'll see him after the trip, too. Yeah, everything was really, is hidden. I'll say this. I'm the one who wasn't as big on the French fries. Yeah, let's talk about the fries. They're a little sweet.

There's something going on there. There's a little... Holy shit, what? These are people ready to fight in your army. They are sweet. Where do you want to... Roll out. They're a little sweet, right?

There's a little bit of sweetness to them. I don't hate them. I thought they were just okay. I'm not pandering here. We had some good fries at small show. of all, and I did like them. I like these fries better. These are my favorite fries I had so far on this trip.

Bandering bullshit. No, I'm not pandering at all. Again, this is, this is like what I want from a fry. I ran to me to this place, you know, Columbia Burger, which I used to go to in, you know, about Dominguez Hills, California with my dad when I was a kid, or like Pete's burgers and Long Beach.

Like, these places, they just have like this very specific kind of fry, you know what I mean? I know these have some skin on them, I believe. But they're well salted. They're really well fried. I thought the execution we got on our second trip was even better. It was better.

But I was satisfied by the ones we got night one. So we should say that, well, first of all, we were at the restaurant and a buddy came in of yours, Joe. Yeah, so here's what happened. We're at the restaurant. Joe, are you here? Joe Chap is not here.

Okay. Wait, Joe is here. Joe is here? Joe Chap is here? I'm not Joe. Oh. What are you doing? Why'd you do that?

Do you know Joe Chap at least? No, just a little giddy for the name. All right. Got it. Well, I'm glad he's not here. Let's light this fucker up. So Joe Chap comes in. He's like, Nick, it's Joe Chap.

I was like, oh, hey, buddy. And I'm like, hey, Mitch, it's Joe Chap. He's like, oh, okay. And I was like, oh, Wiger's friend is here, I guess. Which just confused me because I think I am Wigar's friend. We'd met Joe Chap before. Had we met Joe Chap before? I think so.

Anyway. We're not sure if we've met Joe Chap before. He certainly acted like you had. Like we'd spend some time together. We'd maybe talked to Joe Chap before. Anyway. Great guy. Was lovely.

POTUS, we have to get the fish sandwich. Well, first of all, he told us he was like, I thought you guys might be in town. I drove by three other red hot ranches. Yes. He said he drove by this Red Hot Ranch saw us and pulled over and he said it was the one closest to his place

but then I think we created the thing that he went to three. Yeah. I swear to God, I think he drove by multiple places. Oh, fine. Look, I like Joe Chap too. Yeah. I love the guy. We were able to disarm him

and get his gun away from him and they were able to just have like a normal combo with him. There was an Action Boy's listener in the restaurant Joe Chap came in. After Joe Chap left, the Action Boys listener was like, what the fuck was up with that guy? There's an Action Boys listener, Jose, who only cared about Gabris,

could not give a fuck about Mitch and I. You got to understand the ego hit, that the fucking endorphin hit when a guy goes, oh shit, Gabris, I love your podcast, and I'm standing next to these guys. I'm in town for four nights of their podcast at a restaurant

that the audience wants. wants to eat at and I get recognized. And I was like, uh-uh. He's the third dough boy. We know it. Sorry, Susser. He's the third dough boy. Oh, I agree. Except for the apology to Susser.

I don't know. I don't sign that. But yeah, he roasted Joe Chap after he left. The guy who roasted Joe Chap was like, you need to try the fish sandwich. He was, he was saying we need to try the fish sandwich. To be fair, to give Joe credit, we're now using his first and last name.

Should we bleep it? Joe bleep. Emma just replaced, bleep it out. It will be fine. So Joe goes, I will drive to another location and get you guys the fish sandwich to try it. It's only 10 minutes away.

And then we were just wrapping up. We're almost done with their meal. And no one wants to say yes or no to this guy for some reason. I'm like, I'm not standing at Red Hot Ranch for 20 minutes after I eat. and for a guy to bring me a cold fish sandwich and then have him watch me eat it

and like Amelia watching a fucking minority report but he did we weren't sure he was your friend we didn't know what was going to be it was until he left and we were like oh your friend was kind of nice to us and Wiger's like I don't think I know him I look Joe we love you to be clear we love you we love you Joe

I say this with respect sometimes you have an interaction with someone who listens to the podcast and it's like one of many interactions you have that night and then you see that person again and from our perspective we don't remember it and they do. That's the thing that happens. It's not an insult to anybody. It's just because like this was one of dozens of conversations we had, one of dozens of the faces and names that we encountered that same night.

So this felt like that situation, but I was also worried like did I work with Joe Chap at some point and I forgot about it? If that's the case, I'm an asshole. But I didn't remember Joe's specific. We found Wigger's wedding photo online, and Joe Chap was, he was one of the groomsmen. Holding a Red Hot Ranch fish sandwich. I have Joe Chapp's kidney. I talked to a lot of people that day.

I got my kidney transplant. Joe Chapp didn't give him the kidney, by the way. Wiger got it by force. Non-consensual organ transfer. But he did give us a mission is what he gave us. He did. It was a call to. adventure. And you know what? Thank you, Joe Chap.

Thank you, Joe Chap. We owe you this much. Because... Thank you, Joe Chap. Thank you, Joe Chap. Because of your tireless... We'll see you driving by our Airbnb tonight, I'm sure. I do think he said he had tickets to Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. But not tonight. You didn't know he's a star of the show. So today, we went to...

We went out to Skokie to eat at Tomorrow's Chain, and coincidentally it was within walking distance of the... from the Skokie Red Hot Ranch. So we went in there. After, I called and confirmed they had the fish sandwich. We went in there. The Alaskan...

Imagine you work at Red Hot Ranch. Your phone rings. You pick it up and someone just goes, do you have a fish sandwich? Uh, yeah. Thank you. That was verbatim the conversation. It was so fast.

We were at Pita Inn Wags is what you meant to say, right? No, I said, I was just, I was doing a little coy. And people know we're going to Pita in tomorrow. They know we're eating that shit. I know. saying we was tomorrow's change.

It's fine. It's fine. Yeah, everything seems fine. You were on the phone for like less than five seconds. You got the confirmation we had the, I'm sure they went into lockdown mode after they talked to you. And we went over,

we walked over there in the freezing cold. Freezing, fucking cold. There's a fucking car the first of maybe seven car accidents we saw today. Starting to think we were like final destination, your poor city. Drive safe.

It was like a car action and people who are trying to like make a right onto the street are like leaning on their horn like, come on, motherfucker. And there's like an ambulance, three cop cars and like two cars like facing the wrong direction.

What's wrong with this? Come on! What's wrong with you guys? I gotta get your doughboys. I'm gonna pretend to be Joe. You don't know a honk at a ambulance for God's sake. I was like, do they not see, there's literally three cop cars, a destroyed

beamer on like the gas station and shit like that and that people are like, what's the fucking happening here? And I'm like... In Chicago, you can order ambulance for an Uber. That's how you and I get home from the restaurant. I'll take this lay down Uber.

We got the Alaskan Cod's fish sandwich and fries. We shared it and also let us try round two of the fries as I mentioned. So this sandwich is just the cod filet. It's got the generous helping of

tartar sauce. A little ranchy that sauce. I liked it. A little ranchy. And then they said, Mitch. Red Hot Ranch. Holy shit. And then a little slice of American cheese. Slice of cheese and some pickles, right? Some pickles, yeah. It really fucking hit. I thought it was great. We love you, Joe Chap.

This is fucking awesome. Joe Chap was right. I will say he was vindicated in that moment. I was like, all right, that freak was correct. I'll let him kill me. What, uh, how, the people who we gave this fish sandwich and say, were it, was it still okay? All right. All right.

We asked the nonverbal guy. Yeah, considering the circumstance, have you had to eat it. I speak for him, don't you worry. It was okay? I assume it was better when fresh, but yeah. Okay, all right. That's a safe assumption. It was great fresh.

Anyone who disliked it in the audience who got it? Okay, all right, fair enough. I thought it's great. I don't know why it's only at certain locations. I mean, but I think it's worth trying if you haven't. I want to say this. Attached to Red Hot Ranch was Oberweiss ice cream and dairy store? That's right.

Wait, what the fuck? I fucking called. this. I go, I can't wait till Mitch mentions this place. He's bad, too. I got the Goblin Cock Milk. He's a Trump guy.

God damn it. Okay, all right. Copy that. That's sort of a blanket statement for most major corporations, guys. We got to leave ourselves a little bit of joy, okay? No, see how much Coke of Cola don't to the RNC.

I gave a 50% political tip. I had no idea. Whatever that meant. I was very excited when we went to Oberweiss. You saw him, I was like, I was very excited.

You were like legitimately like over, you were like, oh, and Overweiss. We can get stuff at Overweiss. And I was like, oh Mitch, do you know this place? Is it popular in Chicago?

You're like, I'd never heard of it. I'm like, why are you so fucking giddy about it? And then we're like, we should get ice cream for the house, right? We should get ice cream for the house. Emma wants whole milk. Emma says she wanted home milk. I'm like, I thought we called this guy, Rain Man.

I was like, look, they got pretzels, and they got coffee cake. This was exactly what was happening. You're very excited by the coffee cake. And you're telling me, and I'm thinking you've been here before. You're like, and they got pretzels. And I was like, oh, are the pretzels good? You're like, never had them.

So we decide to get a few pints of ice cream to go. And Mitch is like, and should we get the coffee cake? And Wiger just finally goes, you brought it up a few times. Just get the fucking cake. We got a coffee cake We got three different pints of ice cream We got the new milk We got milk

And we got cookie dough ice cream We got cookies and cream ice cream And we got mint chocolate chip ice cream That's right And we bought tank tops that said Donald Trump 2028 There's holes for milk You can get milked out of them

Yeah we have to buy the cows tank size tank tops It has six nipple holes in it We also met Amy and Elizabeth who drove up from St. Louis. Amy and Elizabeth here? All right. Nice to meet you. What's your shout-out your fork score for Red Hot Ranch? 3.5.

Whoa. Wow. They're nice. We like them. Take it easy. Take it easy. You can boo us. Don't boo each other, please. Keep in mind, she's one of you. Actually, she's from Indiana. Not to out you. I'm sorry. St. Louis.

Oh, sorry. Mitch, I said, if you were listening to me. I don't listen to you sometimes. Sometimes. I said they drove up from St. Louis. The chocolate milk looked good too at Oberwise. Was that the consensus? I think you're both behind a poll from my perspective.

I apologize. What's that? Did you... Hey, two nights in a row, the people we met have been behind the poll. Did you agree that... Were you both at three and a half? Three. Three and three and three and a half.

Wow. Those St. Louis sons of bitches. Sorry. We just said don't boo them. And you're fucking up. You're brave to be honest with this crowd. I admire your candor. Someone needs to tell the truth.

And that's why I'm voting for Donald. Truth social. And we should get to our... Can we quickly ask them what they got? And also did you get a... anything at Oprah wise? They got the burger. It's in St. Louis.

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Hell, sounds easy. Anybody could do it. Hey, did we like it? Where do we rank it on the Forks? Good question. This is a good question here. Ooh, yeah. And I'm going to start.

You're going to start. Yeah, I'm going to start. Yeah, I'll go last. I'm going to set a baseline. Let's practice listening to Nick. I was the highest on this place, I think, of the three of us. And I think especially because of my ringing endorsement of the fries and my enthusiasm for the shrimp, which paid off. for me

I felt like this was for whatever reason this place was connecting with me a little bit more than the two of you I could be wrong but I last night we reviewed

small chival and this is definitely aiming for a different tier even though it's like you know not much older than small chival it does feel like more of a

working class establishment versus small shafal which is not elitist but feels like a little bit more a gastropuby you know what I mean I like that

vibe a lot. I like this place that has standing room only. I like the feel of the Skokie location that was like a little you know, the Skokie was a little hokey but that was fun. That was part of the fun. We almost went to the home alone house but then we didn't. Good end.

But I gave Small Chival four forks and I said at the show that I was going to, I knew having already had Red Hot Ranch that it was going to not be the same score as Small Chival. and I was going to leave a little room

both below and above. And where I land with Red Hot Ranch is above four and a half forks. Holy shit. What am I doing? You want first to give a score of four and a half for? What am I doing?

That shrimp was so good. Five forks. I was going to say, what the fuck is he talking about? You said you connected with it. You don't connect with anything or anyone. You connected with that. You did, we saw it.

What the fuck is this show? Four and a half, huge pop. Fucking five. The shrimp, it was the shrimp. I knew it. What else is there to live for? Two more nights of shows. Red Hot Ranch to me is

what AWO is to Pandorans. I feel like I have a bond with it immediately. So it's both your God and your place of living and your source of nutrients and your Maybe Wi-Fi. And I think I fuck it too. You fuck it? And I think it's, it helps you fuck your animal that you ride.

Right, but you can also talk to your dead grandpa. Yeah. It's great. It's an all-in-one. Gabris, what do you think? Oh, shit. Well, I'm glad you got that. Huge pop already.

I, too, am not going to give this place the same. Let me say this. I wasn't going to give it the same score I gave small Chival. I knew, I thought it came in a little. lower than small Cheval for me, but I will say, and I like owe my entire life to Nick's friend Joe,

and I went in, I left Red Hot Ranch on Tuesday night saying guaranteed for forker, but then today I had that fish sandwich. Shrimp is to Nick as fish

is to Gavris. Wow. And that popped me up not to a full five. You know, But I'm going to be sitting in pretty with a four and a half fork score. Wow. Tide with small small to me. Spoon Man, it falls to you. Your fork score will determine whether or not it enters the hallowed halls of the Golden Plate Club, the Chicago institution.

I have the power to take it out of the Golden Plate Club, don't I? You certainly do. And me and the St. Louis ladies will run away. All the way back to Indiana. St. Louis, Indiana. Where Notre Dame played. All right. Weig's, we got in there.

I had had what some doctors were to describe as diarrhea on the plane. Right. Nine out of ten doctors agree. That's diarrhea. One doctor's fucking nuts. One doctor's like, it's good, it's normal. I... Okay.

Despite having horrible stomach issues going into it, Wigues. I was so damn happy at the Red Hot Ranch. We were all standing and eating and just making noises that you make when you eat burgers silently with each other. How fun is that? A lot of moaning and... Oh, fuck.

Sport pepper. These are popular here in Chicago. And I was a little down on the fries. Now, was the fries going to take me down to, you know, 3.9 forks or something? Hold on now. Hold on. Wow. Joe Chap.

Five fork guy. A five fork guy. A five forked man. My friend, Joe Chap. Our friend, Joe Chap. I am Joe Chapp. The doughboys. That is the doughboy Spartacus. You all are Joe Chapp. We all are, Do Chapp.

It's like a fight club. His name was Joe Chapp. His name was Joe Chap, except we're Fight Club with two meatloafs. Darden, holy shit. Hey, okay, all right. And our dick, I'll take it. Our dick works less. More like Jared Leto after he gets his ass kick.

Joe Chap. Sorry, sir. Joe Chap, more like Doe Chap. Sorry, keep going. God bless Joe Chap. God bless Joe Chap. For sending us to the Skokie, Illinois Red Hot Ranch, where the fries were better, still not my favorite fries.

And the fish sandwich was amazing. and it was attached to Overfield, what the fuck is it called? Oberweiss. Oberweiss Ice Ice cream spotwigs. I was in Hog Heaven. I think it's my favorite, it's my favorite meal of the entire trip, Five Forks.

Wow. Holy shit. Gabris, they're booing. Your opinion means literally nothing to me. No, they're saying spoon. They're saying spoon. They're saying boo-earned. That was our review of Red Hot Ratch. Welcome to the Golden Plate Club.

We loved it. Close. Close to the Platinum Play Club. We are, it's insane how against the clock we are now. We've been, but we're, it's almost nine. Holy shit. Yeah, I know. But, um, you gotta be in bed by 9.30.

To watch me and Mitch wrestle. Uh, so it's time for a segment. We've got some mystery crumbs and Mitch and Gabris have to guess what they are under the watchful eye of. The greatest bread detective in the world, Sherlock Crumbs. No. Don't hear that? My Watson is bringing out the Crumbs. What is this show?

I guess I got to listen to some more episodes. Sherlock Crumbs is new and it's fucking very stupid. I think it's fun. I think that people like Sherlock Crumbs. Oh, you don't. He doesn't even sound English. Don't, why you don't have to be, you don't have to pretend to be Sherlock Crumbs.

You're not, you're not, you're, who is Sherlock Crum? He's just, he's just a, he's just a character. Like, I don't know why I can't do a character for once. But just be yourself for God's sakes. I know what, I am myself all the time. Like, I'm just like, I don't know, I thought it was like a fun thing to do that people seem to like, but it's fine.

Shut up. No. Be Nick Weiger. I am Nick Weiger. Sherlock crumbs. No, no crumbs. Nick, be Nick Weiger. Be Nick Weiger. Be Nicholas Weiger. You idiots, stop chanting for crumbs. Read the room. No, I mean Mitch, you are right. No, you guys get Sherlock crumbs now. Oh, you do want it? Do we hold off on the other bit? Do Sherlock Crums instead?

You don't want crumbs. No, you don't have to let them choose what we do. And if I'm honest... They paid to watch a queen one. If I'm perfectly honest with myself, Sherlock Crumbs is a mask. Well, then who are you? Who are you?

My full legal name is Nicholas Frank Weiger. And sometimes I go by Frank, which means a time for this week in a Hot Dog News and another edition of Let Me Be Frank. Hit it, Emma! I'm simmer in the city Great of my grill getting greasy and pretty Toast thorn don't it look pretty

Sucking on a dog I can't suck it on a titty Pork at me Sources and long bread rolling on a roll of a grill That taste when the casing has snapped Later that day you'll for sure have to nap As it simbers in the city Like you're sucking on a titty

That was just a lie They said you a sandwich Well that was just a lie Just a bun around a weena so you sure don't qualify His bus on tour And their septic tank is full A driver pulls the left He has been on a bun for 90 inch foot long

Over uneven grilled temperature bar and kitchen fires Is in reality only about 10.5 inches after cooking That gives us a count of 1100 calories What I want from each and every one of you Is a hard target search of every diner driving, dive, roadhouse, steakhouse, chop house, waffle house, old spaghetti house, and doghouse. That last one stays the same in the area. Checkpoints go up at dinner time.

Your fugitive's name is Dr. Frank Ferner. Go eat him. All right, so this is to let me be frank. Let's take a look at some hot dogs news stories. Mitch, maybe we'll just do one apiece and get to some questions. Mitch will use Google and I'll use my preferred search engine. Microsoft Bing. I'm going to search Hot Dogg's Chicago.

news. Oh, good call. Oh, smart. Frankfurter is the doctor's name. That's like all you need out of Nick is that kind of fake cackle into the mic. I liked it. I know, I know. It's never fake with you, buddy. He never fakes it with me.

It's a little harder for a guy to do, but, you know. Well, this is news just recently. This is sad news. I mean, because it brings up the Chicago Bears. We're sorry. But the weiner's circle, away free hot dogs Tuesday after Bears coach Ben Johnson goes shirtless. Did any of you take advantage of that? Did any of you get a free

hot dog from Wiena Ser? Did you ask them, did anyone take advantage of the shirtless coach? I forgot this is the worst part of this bid. Here's one. Here's one. In the theme of like downshifting so hard from beautiful performances to looking at your phones.

Because, you know, pre-googling hot dog news is impossible. The team of five people here. Okay, here's one from Yahoo Life. The Chicago-style hot dog variation that deserves more credit. Among these, one standout twist on tradition

has been getting some attention. The char dog. A flame-kissed variation of the beloved Chicago-style hot dog. So what makes the char dog different from a classic Chicago-style dog? Although they both share the same ingredients, the difference all comes down

to how the Frankfurter is close. While a traditional Chicago-style dog is usually steamed or simmered, the char dog is flame-grilled, typically over charcoal or... Crumbs! Crumbs! Crumbs! If you're coming tomorrow, I will do crumbs. Now, the tickets are going for $1,000. I hope Nick puts the pipe in his mouth again. Mitch, you got one or two more.

Mitch, you got a thing here. Mitch is... What the fuck? Raya. It does look like you're looking. Because of how fucking browsers are now, it looks like you're looking at ads because there's like 40 popping up. There's a thing about someone saying the Pope as a joke.

There's not a ton of hot dog news right now. Maybe it's the wintertime. I wonder if there's other things to talk about in America. The news hasn't got to hot dogs yet. Oh, man. Because we're dealing with an occupying force in American city.

Nathan's famous hot dog sold for $450 million. Someone outbid me again. Here's one from MSN.com. I tried the Chicago hot dog deep dish pizza and I'm genuinely shocked. Is that the end of it? Genuinely.

What if you combined both foods into one Chicago superfood? Then you would get the Bortillo's Lou Malnoughties Cross Town Pizza, aka the Chicago Hot Dog Deep Dish Pizza. No, wow. I visited Lou Malnadi's to try the concoction was blown away by how good it tasted.

I took one bite of the beats and said out loud, oh my God, hot dog? It might sound silly. Imagine you're sitting with someone and they bite pizza and they go, oh my God, hot dog. I like that the crowd turned out. They were boo, and then they were like,

they actually liked him. They were, oh? Honey, change the Uber. We're going cross town tonight. I got to say this, mother, my mother. Yes. For Christmas this year, she gifted me two deep dish pizzas from Lumal Nadi. Oh, that's nice.

And it was the Italian beef deep dish pizzas that they do. And I ate them at home with my mom and they were fantastic. That's like buying an alcoholic, a bottle of Crystal Palace or something like that. Can I shout out that Amelia and Emma put together this Tommy Lee Jones U.S. Marshals Jack on the fly. This is a star that they got from a military surplus store, and then this says U.S. Mar,

and it looks like it ends with my sleeve here, but actually I'm committing stolen valor because it is a folded under patch that says U.S. Marine. We should also say that this jacket that Amelia and Emma got for Wiger to wear for this bit, is the exact thickness

of the jacket he brought to wear in Chicago. I swear to God, he has like a windbreaker with him. He's like, I gotta buy gloves. I just gave him my jacket and they put the matches on. Oh, this is your jacket. This is my jacket, yeah.

We wore it to Chicago. Even I busted out my Neo on the Nebuchadnezzar sweater for this. U.S. Mar. It worked. U.S. Mar did work. Stolen Ball and all.

I served in the Tomorrow War as well, and I'm offended. You got one more, Mitch, we should do with questions. Thank you very much. You spent a lot of time with Chris Pratt, so. Move over, Chicago. This European nation is serving up some seriously scrumptious hot dogs.

Norway. Wow, how about that? Norway's coming for the hot dog crown. We're invading Norway next. We're getting out. the Delta Force will get their hot tons. I thought the Midwest had a sizable Scandinavian population, but it's not Norwegian.

Is it more Swedish? Is it more, I'm not sure. Sounds like it's a little more Polish. Sorry. Lesson learned. Whoa. Whoa. Because I can't find any relatives with my last name

besides my grandpa's brother, we believe it was shortened at Ellis Island and we may be like a gay brusky or a gay... Whoa. So I might even be Polish. Boom. I'm reading about these Norway dogs. They sound fucking delicious.

But I think that's about all we have time we have for your wives. Yeah, that was... I think all we have time for is for me to silently read. I'm sorry, folks. They look good. Just like a restaurant about your feedback. Let's open with the feedback. All right.

We're going to take a few audience questions. Amelia's coming out here. Big hand for Amelia. Emma, step out here for a second, too. Big hand for Emma Erdbring. All right, Amelia, who are we bringing up? All right, could we please get just to the side? Jen N., Brian B, and Kevin S.

All right, have you heard your name, snake your way over to where Amelia is at stage left here. Or just leave, that's an option. Don't open that up yet. So many significant authors are getting out of here. We're going to get that deep dish. Hot dog pizza. Get in the fucking car.

Hi. What's your name? What's your question? Hi, I'm Jen. I'm actually Jen from the Doskort. Wow. Hi, hi, Jen. How good to see you.

Hi, all dos carders. Jen, do you know Joe Chap? No. I don't know him at all. Okay. It's a really cool sweater you got there. Yeah, it says, wow. Wow.

Wow. That's cool as hell. So there was that Campbell's Soup ad Where a snowman melts into a little boy As he's eating Campbell's soup What would you eat to melt you back In this cold? So the conceit is you are now a little boy

And you're tired of that You're tired of being flesh and bone You want to return to being snow? No, no, he was a snowman And then his mom serves him Campbell's soup And he turns into a little boy Okay. So you guys are snowmen and what would you do to...

Okay. I added a layer of complication to it. You're not saying... You're not saying they've already turned from a snowman into a boy and they want to go back to being a snowman. You're just saying we're the snowman and we're going to turn into us. What is the food that we would eat that would warm our hearts so that we are no longer... We're turning back to snowmen?

No, no, no. That's what I thought was... I thought the premise was I was wrong. We are snowman, and we're turning into us. What snowman would you eat to turn into soup? Oh, so something that we would eat that to turn us into little boys? Yeah, we would be, we're snowmen and we're going to turn into little boy versions of ourselves. I don't trust that you're going to eat yours.

I'm going to eat mine and be a little boy with you. Hey, I'm a snowman. You guys can turn back into men. Turn us back into men, okay. We're not turning into little boys. I don't want these sweet pubs of mine. they are I'll get myself a little something sweet

I have an answer for you it is something that I that is an icy treat but also with a little bit of heat a hot fudge Sunday I feel like I've had a hot brownie hot fudge Sunday with like a warm brownie and some warm hot fudge I feel you're gonna be half snowman half boy

no I think I would I think it would be like like oh it's kind of cold so it's easing me into it like I'm like flicking my hand under the shower nozzle. You know what I mean? I'm just like testing the temperature a little bit and be like, oh, oh yeah, it's warm. Warm is okay. And then once I'm accustomed to it, then I melt into my man form. You melt into your man form?

Yeah. That's the premise of the question. How do we turn for snowman to man? We clearly have the question sorted out. I've decided I want to be a little boy when I melt. I don't. When are you little? If I have the option, I'd rather be a little boy too

because it would give me more life. That's true. Can we be little boys? Can I fix the mistakes that I've made in the past? Sure, you can be little boys if you want. Thank you. Okay. Well, that changes my answer.

Because I was going to say, I would eat pussy. To turn into a little boy? What a surprise for that lady. It was to turn it to a man. Well, first of all, this lady brought a snowman. man home. I'm assuming I'm in her house. We could be in her car. And I'm going

down on her and she sees and I'm melting. My carrot nose, my top hat falls off. Then you got a little spitty hat. You're a boy? No, I'm a man. The original conceit was we become men. And so as my son... You're sick. This is a sick question.

I refuse to answer it. You know what I need? A sport pepper, baby. Wow. Good pander, man. Thank you, Jen. Thank you, Jen. Great question. All right, who's next?

Wow, with the Cubs hat and the Buckees T-shirt. Hi, what's your name? Brian. Hi, Brian. What's your question? Are you guys familiar with the difference between regular deep dish and stuffed Chicago-style pizza?

Please explain stuffed Chicago-style pizza. I grew up thinking that stuffed was deep dish. And the first time I had Lou Maladi, sorry, I was very disappointed because it was mostly bread. We're at... Jordano's stuffed pizza. We cut them off. Or even better, Chicago's, and that's the name of the restaurant,

open to 4 o'clock in the 5, I think, actually. 4 or 5 o'clock in the fucking morning, which is excellent. They make a pizza that's stuffed with cheese and sausage in the ingredients. So it's kind of like a real pie where the crust is just thin around the edges. Oh, wow. And the pizza is like a fucking cake of meat and cheese. So that's like not what you'd get like a Lumanati's or a Piquots. like a deep dish. Okay, got it.

Bigots I had today. Very good. But Chicago is like, so much. Do you live in Chicago? I live in Plano, Texas. Holy shit. Wait, why would you have a huge rivalry with Plano? I'm a diehard. I'm more than a Democrat. I'm liberal as fuck.

Give me a break. Fuck Donald Trump. No parody. I couldn't even dies. Separate the art. the artist. But you guys released this show first and I grew up here and I was like, I'm going to Chicago

to watch the doughboys and then fucking two weeks later you... Don't get mad at us. You should have waited two weeks. What the fuck? He doesn't go on tour. He doesn't. We went crazy this year. You got to see Chicago. How nice is that? Wonderful. Great town. I went to

Mr. Beef, Pequots, and I went to Red Hot Ranch because I'm a stalker today. What's the consensus among Chicagoans. Do we like, applaud for Deep Dish over Stuffed. Applaud for Stuffed over Deep Dish. Okay. Oh wow, okay, so that's the thing to get.

A lot of people, much like America, didn't vote at all. And that's why we're here. I never, I've never had stuffed pizza, I guess. It's very good. I would recommend it. I mean, you can't have a lot of it, obviously. We had, like, a smaller version of that on Long Island

growing up, like a stromboli pizza. Oh, that sounds fun. It's like, I know it's not the same thing. My job is to say stuff. I know. It's not deep dish. It's not Chicago. But it was fucking awesome.

It was only like, so the idea of an even thicker meat pie with sauce, that works for Uncle Gabris. I got to try that. It's much better. I don't like Lou Maldati. Sorry. I know I'm on. I think that's a tourist trap, really. And a shout out.

I'm from Homewood, so a shout out to Aurelios. Fuck yeah. Wow. I can't tell if they hate you or like you, but you should leave with the St. Louis Indiana girls. Emo's Pizza, if you remember that. That's St. Louis pizza. They told us about it today, yeah.

You're just now saying restaurants. Also, which is a big part of our podcast. You can't after seven minutes say also. They're filming a movie in River North, and the signs say fugitive. So it looks like they're rebooting the fugitive, which is hilarious. It is a TV series.

Wait, really? Yeah, it's the origin story of the one-armed man. We're going to learn how he's not actually evil. It was circumstantial. And Cruella DeVille, she didn't want to kill 100 dogs. Sorry. So short answer, no, we don't know the difference. Yeah.

Thanks, Brian. I used to like Paizano's. Do people still like Paizano's pizza here in Chicago? Is their owner MAGA, too? Not yet. We have one more question. You got the McDonald's hoodie. Also, that's on you guys.

Every restaurant where you bring up has a MAGA owner. It's like, well, there might be something wrong with Chicago, maybe. Might be something wrong with the small business owners of America. Yeah. Hi, what's your name? What's your question? My name is, Kevin.

My question is, is Santa more famous than Mike Ditko? Oh, my God. Is Santa more famous than... Wait, what's the other one? Is Santa more famous than Mike Dick. Now, is this, this is calling back to the Griffin-Numan episode? Is this Chicago specific, or do you mean global? In Chicago. In Chicago.

Is Ditka more, I mean, this is like a thing the superfans would debate. The super fans would debate this. Is Ditka more famous than Santa? Here's the thing, Ditka also had a little bit of a MAGA turn, right? Didn't he turn? Yeah, you guys, no one brought that up when we said his name. Everyone's like, don't eat dairy use the fucking way. He's like, what about the dick?

Well, you know. Santa voted Trump only in the first election, so he's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. They elected... Excuse me? Santa? What?

Oh, concussion. Santa's gotten too many concussions. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. He's sliding down a lot of chimneys. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to go... Santa's still more famous than fucking Dicka?

Santa's more famous than Ditka. I think so. Get the fuck out of here. That's our show. Thank you. Thank you, Chicago. You guys are awesome. Thank you. Thank you, Chicago. You guys are awesome. Thank you. See you tomorrow.

Oh, shit. I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast. That was us now on Headgum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show. This is us. That's right.

We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different. and guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Are we going to laugh? A lot.

A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify, new episodes every Tuesday. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. And I'm Jeff Tremaine. Welcome to Jackass the Podcast, a new show coming to F***. Coming to F***.

That's what it is. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. And I'm Jeff Tremaine. Welcome to Jackass the podcast, a new show now on Headgum. Woo-hoo. I've learned a Jackass movie has to be really 90 minutes. Every minute over is a minute to roll. Apparently, there's only so much butthole you can take.

We're going to take you behind the scenes of our entire history. All the best bits, bad behavior, and even worse decisions. All of it. Sometimes we don't make the right decisions, Jeff. I've noticed that. Every so often. With guests like Spike Jones. I think this committed Jackass the podcast.

What was it going to be called? The Jackass Podcast. The Jackass Podcast. Without you, the IQ drops significantly. Steve-O. There's a strong chance that were it not for Jackass, that I would be in cloud makeup right this fucking minute. Chris Pontius.

That shot of your butt just cruising out. I'm like, I got that on TV. God bless us. Dave England. When you come in and you're being really nice, I'm like, damn it, something bad's going to happen to me. Wee man. Jeff grabbed me from the back of the head and threw a punch. The whole bar just stopped and wanted to kill me like that.

And some of the crew that's been with us from the beginning. I had to share a room with this guy. I left a nice surprise in the toilet form. Every time. Apparently he hates to flush. Subscribe to Jackass the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Pocketcast, or where you're the hell you get podcasts. Our new episodes drop on June 18th.

Woo! Look out for new episodes in your feed every Thursday. Watch video episodes on YouTube and follow along with us on Instagram and TikTok at Jackass the podcast. What were we just talking about? Probably buttholes? That was a hit gum podcast.