Doughboys - UNLOCKED! Soup's Up with Joe Hartzler

Episode Date: January 3, 2019

Unlocked and free for all! Joe Hartzler (The Earliest Show, Acting Tips with Joe Hartzler) joins the ‘boys and tells the story of a past injury that led him into the world of soup. We then try Joe’s incredible homemade Beef Stroganoff and Red Pepper Vegan Corn Chowder. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following is a free preview of Do Boys Double. Subscribe at patreon.com slash Do Boys. This is a headgum podcast. Welcome to Do Boys Double. I'm Nick Weiger alongside the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. Mitch, you still don't have your cans on. We're getting started. Mitch doesn't have his cans on.

Cairns' industry parlance. You may remember that from Howard Stern's Private Parts. Also, news radio, they reference it. They call them cans. Nick, you're giving too much of that. you're giving too much of a look behind the curtain here. I'm just saying anyone wants some podcasted industry secrets that also apply to the larger radio and recording industries. Headphones are cans.

Nick, you stayed out last night. I stayed out a little bit. A little later than usual. We did a show, We Wish You a Silly Spoof Miss. That's right. At the UCB Theater here in Los Angeles. And I had a, I had some libations over the course of this, watching this show, participating in the show. You had a nice red wine I saw when I, when I, when I,

to birds. Melasses boy. Alan McLeod bought me a glass of Pino No, very nice of him. That's very nice. Do you stay red wine the whole time? No, I was drinking white earlier. This is my problem. I bought some like white wine to drink during the show.

And I bought those little like gallo like mini bottles. But each of those is like a glass and a half of wine. And I got a four pack and I drank all of them. So you, you're hungover today. I'm a hungover. Yeah. I'm a little hungover. I saw you out at the bar.

This is like a rare sight. for me to see him out of the bar. I'm never even in that neighborhood and then to also like just be hanging out afterwards is very out of character but there we are. I too am hungover. Yeah.

Oh boy. Every day. Even if I didn't drink I just feel I just feel hungover. You are wearing this is where we're about to you know we're entering the holiday seasons. Uh huh. You're wearing a very nice red Christmasy sweater.

I wore this last night. I put it on again today for the show. It's not explicitly Christmassy but it's very it like feels Christmas. I wore the, I got this my senior year of high school. Wow. Yeah.

And you still fit into it? I still fit into it. It was too big. Okay. Got it. It was like huge. And now it's a, now it fits nice. Right.

If it's fine. Yeah, it was big, very big back in the day. Back then, did you have a bad case of senioritis? Oh, God. Don't you have a bad case of senioritis? Because I'm elderly? Yes. Yeah.

Okay. Mick, you got my brain scan in front of you. Yeah, so Mitch, Mitch had a... Is this your brain scan? Sure. Because it looks more like you're... I'm showing this to our gestural. Five, head scan.

Head scan. I see your skull here, and you have a... This is proving you have a deviated... Sepect... Septum. Jesus. Septum. I was thinking spectrum, but I was like, that's not it.

A deviated septum. Deviated deptum? Look, I fumbled. I didn't know what... exactly what the word was and I fumbled the delivery, which I did not doubt, but you showed it to me, I guess, is to prevent me with photographic proof.

Yeah, it looks like a mess in there. Yeah. It's a real, it's a real, it's a real, you've got some clogged, I almost said clogged arteries, but they're not arteries. No, they're not arteries. No, they're not arteries, asshole. Yeah, they're my sinus, the, the, my nose canal and so on. I don't know what the names of it out, but the doctor was good.

I need glasses, Nick. We talked a little bit about this on a, on a, on a, I don't know if it's going to be an episode that it will come out later or before. Who knows? It'll be out later. But I didn't know if you, I thought, when you said, you went to the eye doctor, I didn't know you said you, I didn't know you actually needed glasses. I need glasses.

Like for what sort of viewing? It's like all in a day I found out I need like nose nasal spray. It's like when Bart becomes a nerd. And I need glasses. Right. I looked into your glasses like Milhouse and I was like, I'm a nerd. And you said, so am I. But yeah, no, I need to work on my nose.

The doctor, I told you this. I told you this. Yeah. No, I told everyone this, that the doctor said I had a perfect nose. You did say this. You did say this to the show that your doctor said you had a perfect nose. It's a nice looking nose. Hey, I'm just telling you what the doctor said.

I'm not trying to brag about my perfect nose. He meant aesthetically, obviously, not functionally, because you've obviously got this deviated septim issue. Yeah, he said it was, he said this. My nose is too small for my. face. He did genuinely say that. I mean, that could apply to all of your features. Kind of a global problem. He was like, we can't make your nose bigger. Like, that's weird. And I was like, yeah, I don't want to make my nose big. Big witch gnaws? Yeah, I don't want to get. I don't want to enlarge my fucking nose. I know. You look spooky. Yeah. No, no, thank you. So that's, that's my situation,

Nick. Well, I'm sorry to hear about your ailments. I'm sorry you're hungover, but hopefully you'll be on the, you know, you'll get some solutions to these longstanding problems. Yeah. And improve your general life quality. But, yes, go on. I was going to say, I have a nest camera to watch my cats. And I'm watching myself snore man. It's not good.

It's not good. I was doing great, Nick. And then these last, this is coming out a little after we record it. But, uh, by what? Or is this actually the week? There's a chance this is come like. Oh, actually, this might be. coming out on Tuesday.

Okay, right. So this is coming out the far future, but this is coming out two days away. I get hit with the holiday. We should introduce our guests. I think that's what you were trying to get to, right? Yes.

Okay. Mitch we should introduce our guest. An actor and comedian with many credits, including the earliest show. You can see them on Twitch at twitch. Twitch.tv slash Fartsler. And on YouTube in his series, acting tips with Joe Hartsler.

Joe Hartsler. Well, well, well, well, well. Look who came knocking around my door. Look who came kicking around. The dough guys, the dough boys, my growing dough boys, my big boys. You've said this since you started to, well, we'll get into what's going on here today, but since you've come in the door, it sounds like you want us to grow more. Yeah.

Oh, you're growing boys, your big boys. That's why I made you some hearty soups for my boys. Joe, I know I'm definitely older than you, so I don't think I'm growing any further. I'm just, when I make food for somebody, whoever eats it, that's my boy. It's my big growing boy. I like that. And I brought you guys some hearty soups.

Look who came kicking around old Fartzler's neighborhood and said, oh, we got to have you on the show because now there's buzz. Suddenly there's buzz that Shampoodler is reaching out. He's clipping stuff from my show. He's saying, Doe Boys, why have you iced out Joe? Why'd you ice out Joe? Why don't you put him in the fart man? Shampoodler is an influencer.

He'll do that. He certainly is. Joe, we love you. Nick and I both think you're hilarious. We're bad with... One of the funniest guys. We're bad with booking this show. We should have had you on earlier than...

We should have. Yeah, and... Long overdue. Had Kevin Pollack's girlfriend come on the stinking show? His fiancé. They are engaged. Oh, that's a happy story. Beautiful.

That's nice for them. She was lovely. They're a lovely couple. Congratulations to Kevin and his... Fiance who got to be on Doughboys long ago. Boy, I got a writer in her own right. I have bad news for you guys. though. Usually by the time shows get around old Joe Hartsler, it's not a, not a good sign.

No, it's different with us, Joe. You're still in, you're, you're, you're one of the, you're a great guest. There's a lot of comedy white guys that you can go to before you have to get to. So I understand. I do understand. I get it. There's like a long list. That's one message I'm trying to get out here today. Stop coming here. Stop trying to do this white guy. Well, Nick and I are also white guys. We're all filled up and there's not enough room for anyone. I mean, I'm eager to stop doing this. Yeah, Nick is ready to, well, we won't get into it, but Nick is ready to stop doing the podcast.

Speaking of white guys, there's two of them that kind of has fucked up our show today. Do you think they, I mean, they must think of themselves as white, right? That's a whole different question. Jesus Christ. Wait, Adam Pally says no. The ethnic identification of Jewish Americans? He says no in a recent interview about how rad it is to have a YouTube show. He says, nay.

He says no. So Pally says no. I don't want to speak for the Deli Boys, but they are... I say yes. I think they're white. They're white men. They're white Jewish men. Yes.

But maybe they think they're not. But anyway, the Deli Boys are... So Emma, our wonderful engineer, has been doing double-shed... duty working with the deli boys. Which, by the way, the deli boys said to us, you know, like when they said they were going to do the podcast, I was like, Nick and I basically together were like, just so long as it doesn't get in the way of our recording, you're going to be borrowing our equipment to do it. And Evan Susser and David Phillips were like, no problem.

No problem. No, absolutely not. Already it's basically over like almost overlapped twice. Yeah. Got a late start today, partly because of them. Yes, that's true. Their record went long. And so, but anyway.

So they broke that first rule of me. They broke that first rule immediately. But then a twist of the knife. So Hartsler, an incredible pro, an incredible actor, it's so much, just a solid performer. True. When he did that intro, when he said, did his little well, well, well, that was take two. Take two. You didn't even know it.

You didn't even know it. You didn't even know it. It felt organic in the moment. Nick, give me a second here. You idiots. You fucking fools. You fucking idiots. You didn't even know it, you idiots.

He thought he was doing it for the first time, didn't you? Hashtag, I knew it. send it to us, but guess what? You're a fucking liar. I am an actor. I have taken improvisational comedy classes. I am an actor. I am a performer.

But the reason you had to retake that, as professionally as you did, is because your microphone has its wires cut, and I have no choice but to blame the deli boys for this debacle. They worked the last time we had the microphones. The last time we had this mic, it was fine. So the microphones were cut at the deli boy during a deli boys recording. some sort of sabotage. This is like cutting our break lines. We're joking, but then also we are 100% serious. We're both very mad.

We're bad. They owe us a new microphone. I'm gonna text them and say you owe us a new microphone. It broke in while it was in your care. What's the way to play that? Text both of them at once or go to Susser first? You know what? I say both at once. Okay. Emma, you

could chime in right now, but you have no mic. It's cut. But do mic wires just cut like that? What happens? No, so I think I know what happened, and I don't think it was the deli boys. We were at a location. You don't have a cover for them. No, no, no.

This is bullshit, Emma. They're saying you. Emma, remember whose side you're on while you're doing this? While we were recording at a location west of here earlier this week, I had to switch your mic halfway through the recording to remember that because it was making weird noises. And I took it apart to try to fix it. I think what was happening was the wires were loose, and they just finally gave away. don't think it was the deli boys.

I think it might just be old microphones. Interesting, but did you, how many microphones do you use today with the deli boys? Two. Don't take a bullet for the deli boys. Yeah. I agree with Joe. Don't take a bullet for the deli boys.

You're falling on the sword here. She is. I really don't. I really do think it was just an old microphone falling to its grave. But, you know, if we want to blame the deli boys, I'll let you do whatever you want. Emma's in a difficult position. She is employed by both us and the deli boys. She's got a bank account somewhere that's a, I understand that.

It's like, you know, we, we're, We both worked with Funnier Dye. You could do a Funnier Die Axe Body Spray campaign. You can't go and badmouth axe on social media. That's paying your rent for a month. No, yeah. That's paying your rent.

Your rent is what? It's $100 a month. Yeah, you know, you do a Toto's Pizza Roll spot where you have to like be in your underwear. And it's an all-day shoot and you're fairly compensated with $50. $50. You know, like. I'd say a hundred percent less.

How much less is it? A thousand percent less? Than what you should, what you would make if it was a commercial? Yeah, for sure. At least, I think at least a thousand percent less. You know, I think we're getting close to finally having an answer to that age-old question of about the funny or die. I think we almost might have an answer finally. It's clear.

I was voting die on it from the beginning. Yeah, you wanted that sight in the crypt. I wanted that site in the fucking crypt. Look. We all had some good times though We did have some good times We rode that wave Yeah

And drove our industry into the ground Did we have a good time? I don't know about it I'm proud of the fact That I always felt that way about the place But you know whatever You were right all along That's what you're saying

I mean I was Nick was I not I think there yeah I was yes you were right all along I don't like to say that But yes you were right all along I this is the first time I've ever said it openly

But places a trash heap and it should close. It's bad. Anyways, I never say this sort of thing before. I like a lot of people who were involved with that place. Even the people who created it. I met and worked with some wonderful people and got some great opportunities, but, you know, it's not a place that is known for compensating people fairly. Yeah, and it's cool, too, that, like, you know, frowdy college bros got, like,

jobs the entire time and got paid decently. You sound like Jack. You sound like Jack A.M. over here. Guess what? I was talking to Jack about this before Jack went public with it. Wow. But anyways. Move over, Jack A.M. Now there's

Mitch P.M. Hey guys, I'm going to be up to the morning. My wake-up time? I got to give a quick shout out to some of my Twitch fans. Literally, Poop is one of my friends, Shampoodler, Don Knott's Thoughts, Vanessa 85. I want to give a shout out to. These are all my friends on Twitch. They're all fans.

I'm trying to think. Spartak 12. This morning we had a toast bean was in the chat. And I wanted to just give a few shoutouts. there for the fans. Oh, that's nice. Wow, that's very nice, Joe. We should do something like that every so often. You know what? Shout out to the fans. Yeah, shout out to the fans. I'm missing people. Van Apps. Yokelama Bunny. Are you making these up? No, this is real Twitch people. You got to be on Twitch. It's the new wave that hasn't crashed yet. That's what I hear.

Twitch is the new way you can actually make some money directly. Is the, when you said Van Apps, is that Van Robesho's app different? There's several There's a van the brand and that's van. Okay, so van app is something different. Can I just one second? Yes. Usong, I need some fucking pepper. A nicer way to ask that.

It's in the cabinet there. Yousong, could you get some pepper please? It's in that cabinet above the microwave. There'll be like a little shaker of it. Mitch is requesting some pepper and there's a reason for that. We should get into the thick of it, if you will, with this episode. With this episode's theme, Joe, you are a soup enthusiast. I am.

And, you know, I used to be a soup hater. I hated soup growing up. I said, soup, I'm not thirsty. I'm hungry. That's a good line. If you are a soup hater, that's a great line. Yeah, that was just struggling to open the pepper mill. It was a familiar refrain in the Hartzler House was, I'm not thirsty.

I'm hungry. I don't like soup, but I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, convert and uh right yeah so what because because first of i you from ohio correct yeah i grew up in the uh midwest in ohio uh dairy farms all around my grandpa was a dairy farmer and uh a classic midwestern boy midwestern corn fed boy a lot of cheese a lot of swiss cheese around there joe i want to say more of this about soup you change your mind of soup and we'll get into this later but soup saved your soul soup saved me and soup really sought me out and saved me and sustained me.

And we can get into that. During a time of my troubles. We'll get, we'll get into that. But more so on your, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, you, you're, you know, you said your, you're, your soup hater. What were the soups you were having in that, that, that Hartsler child at home? Okay. I actually did think about this.

And one of the ones that maybe started to give the soup thing a bad rap, but like, I don't know, once in a while, there would be like a bean soup made. And I just, I remember hating it. and feeling like it was just like salty, weird. Like, I was, I hated soup. We're talking like a navy bean soup or a black bean soup? Okay. But here's the other one.

There was one, sometimes my mom would make this dish with like a chip-choped ham. So like you've got some kind of processed ham in basically a gravy. Okay. And then toast bits. Sounds good. Sounds nice and hearty. And I, it's very salty sort of dead of winter kind of. meal and that one really

I didn't like that it was not my favorite meal there's a couple of proteins I've said this before that with you know the proteins that you can get wrong right chicken I always say you can get wrong I know that everyone is like oh chicken you eat chicken it's whatever but if you get bad chicken

it sucks you can get chicken very wrong you can get a very very wrong you have like a really shitty factory farm chicken and you just like way overcook it it's just like 100% awful and I was going to say ham a lot of the time, especially if you're in cook, in meals. Sure. If you get like a slimy or sloppy, if you get it wrong, it fucking sucks. It's really bad.

I think that's what I told my mom. That's a fair point. That's what I said to my mom. I said, mom, this fucking sucks. This is so bad. Probably shouldn't have sworn in front of your mom. No, no, no, no. She deserved it.

That was a bad soup. Why, you did swear in front of you because it led to one of your favorite things, spankings. Oh, come on. I got spanked. I would not swear in front of my parents. I was not spanked, but I did get a... What I ended up with was I got a mouthful of soap a few times at the hands of grandma.

My mom gave me, would put liquid. She did liquid soap, and then one time I had you bite the bar. Oh, man. I never had to bite the bar, but I did do the liquid rinse a few times. Yeah. Yeah, I got hit by my parents. Boy. Spanking, loving spankings.

Spankings in love. Is that a thing? It feels like a thing you're working through. Yeah, I don't think, I don't think spank kids. I don't think spank kids. I think usually, I think oftentimes what's happening is some kind of miscommunication or a need for attention. And I think hitting, I don't think you should hit a kid. Right. You know. Spanking, spanking out? I don't know. I've never been a parent. It's easy to be judgmental.

And then I realize when you're a parent, I think kids put you in like the most stressful. Sure. But I don't think I ever got like spanked out. of, you know, rage, but... Right. It was a thing. You got some hits on the bum. Why are we talking about me getting spanked?

We're talking about soups here. Okay, I'm sorry, we'll get back to the soups. This is where Wager takes it all the time. Yeah, so I grew up in the heartland. It's a hearty place, a hearty soups, you know, to feed you through the winter. A big chili state, Ohio, yes? Huge chilly state. Name a state that's not a chilly state, Nick.

Well, look, I would say Oregon is not known as a chilly state. Hey, let me just bring up something I thought about randomly. I'm just going to do this once in a while. They don't like your name over there on Twitch. You can't type your name into the chat. W-I-G-E-R. It registers as a slur. Yeah.

I've run into that. It's because people, they think it's a variant on a, just pronounce the name with a soft eye as a lot of people often do by mistake, and you'll get what's going on. Do you know, I think that you know how people change their last name? Yeah. You should change it to nothing. You should just be Nick.

I think I'm known more as Weiger, though. I think Weiger is kind of like my one... That's my prince name. I know, but I think you should just become Nick. And then eventually get rid of your first name. Should be a nameless guy? And then hopefully just, yeah, you just disappear at some point. That could be the nameless one.

Back to the future style. The nameless one? Yeah, the protagonist of Plainscape Torment, one of my favorite PC games. Yeah, but you're going to be like interesting to be the nameless one. It's like the nameless one. You're like, hello, I'm the nameless one. You're like, this guy's boring. I feel like I'm enough of a blank slate.

Sure. But you're saying the nameless one sounds too cool. I should just be like a guy with a name. If you become the nameless one, I mean, we've talked about this. You may probably move to like a cabin someday. Yeah. So that kind of works in that way. I don't know if I could adjust to cabin life.

You know what you need. If you move out to a cabin, yeah? A good beef stroganoff recipe. Oh. Oh, boy. Look at you steering the ship. Well, Joe. Joe's got his own, his own Twitch show.

Joe, what the hell? He's got his own Twitch show. I'm saying that was good. I want to talk to you quickly. Yeah. You were raised, you were religious. Very, yeah, yeah. I still do a Sunday service where, you know, this morning on my Sunday service, I kept hearing a sound.

And I couldn't place the source of this sound. Oh, wow. And so while I remain a skeptic, I had to chalk that up to maybe supernatural or. magical or mysterious powers beyond my comprehension. Where was the Sunday service you attended? Oh, it's a Sunday service. It's over on my Twitch channel. Oh, you do your own?

Okay. I'm doing, I got my own racket going on over there. I got it. Okay. Joe, do you have a, do you have, do you still have any beliefs? Do you have any faith still? How do you feel about that? I don't know.

I'm, I'm open to it, but I don't, I got way too Christian for a while. And it was driving me insane. Which was your upbringing and everything like that? Very much. My grandma, I've recount this story. My grandma, before she died, told me that she remembers when her dad shaved his beard to stop being Amish. Wow. So that's where we come from. Like men and I Amish kind of. Wow. That's, that's, and now I got a question for you, was there a lot of Sunday services with food? Like, did that sort of thing happen? Oh my gosh. Okay. So there's a lot of good things about the church culture. The potluck is amongst the top, you know, singing. in a community of people is cool. Yeah. Pot luck.

That's great. Yeah. So what sort of things are happening at a potluck? So everybody's bringing something different. And what's secretly happening is these church people are competing with one another. Oh, sure. Right. You bring in a dish.

You know, who brings the nicest dish. And the secret, at least in our parts, is it's butter. You put a lot of butter into these dishes. And out comes a cheese. tasty treat. That seems to be a huge, you know, when you try to figure out what's going on with a dish. A lot of the time it's just, it's got some butter in there. Yeah, there's so much butter.

You know what I'm going to say it here? Butter, the best ingredient. Hmm. What do you think of that? It's a strong, you may, there's a strong case. What are you going to say? In terms of versatility and, and multi-function, I think the egg is maybe, maybe gives butter run for its money is the best ingredient. Egg is pretty good too, but I still go butter.

Because butter's got salt in it as well. Yeah, well, not always. You can get unsalted, but come on. I think the value of an egg is that it's essential to baking. And Joe, do you need to take a phone call? No, but can I just say this? Yes. My brother's calling me because my nephew had a wrestling match today.

Oh, my God. And I know that he pinned two people. Whoa, that's amazing. Joe, you were a wrestler. I cannot begin to tell you how my heart swells with pride. I am so freaking amped right now. I'm very excited for this. I was putting Wager in a headlock.

Wrestling. Get over, get over. Wrestling is such a beautiful sport, and it's brutal. It'll make you tough as, you know. You were a wrestler. Yeah, yeah, I wasn't that good. Joe, you're a very acrobatic, nimble, man. You're quick on your feet.

You can do a flip. You can do stunts. But on top of being a very funny guy, you're very athletically gifted. Yeah, if Funny or Die has like a Hyundai spot or they need to throw you up against a windshield and they'll give you like an extra $25 without a stunt coordinator. You'll do it.

They'll toss in $10 if you get hurt too. Yeah, I got paid to climb up and stand in a tree, you know, once. And I think that's half the reason I got the job is like, who probably won't fall out of a tree? Oh, send old Hartsler up there. He'll hang on. I was definitely at the bottom of that list. Yeah, but I've gotten hurt a couple times recently.

For the first time, sorry, that's me. I'm doing a bad thing. That's okay. That's all right. You got your phone underneath your cable. He makes noise. You're getting a little feedback. So I am starting to experience my age for the first time.

You know, I've always been just to get after it and, you know, skateboard and BMX and do stunts. And I've gotten, I've had some pretty big wipeouts in the last few years that, uh, Some setbacks. We're going to get into this right now. Quick question. Nick, I thought you were drinking a bottle of wine from the bottle. It's a Topo Chico. Did you guys just both individually bring Topo Chico's?

Topo Chico is in the zeitgeist right now. It's like a big thing. I've grown to really enjoy it. There's mineral water from Monterey, Mexico. It's a very refreshing drink. I got a jumbo-sized bottle. Joe has a more modest single-serving bottle, but I figure I'll be nursing this throughout the records today.

It's a, Nick, especially for your hangover, it's a good, it's a good thing to have, I feel like. Just a little bit, you know, just a little bit of effervescence, just a little bit of bubbles. I just want to say that it's bullshit that I don't have one. Anyways. It's very good. And it's like, I think all of us at the same time got sick of LaCroix. Right. It's like, this taste, what is the taste, you know, and this, excuse me, there's no chemically taste.

No, not at all. It tastes like minerals. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not a fan of LaCroix. I'm not a fan of LaCroix. It's kind of soured on me. I've kind of soured on it as well.

So wait, so you're, yes, go ahead, Mitch. So the potlucks, is there any other sort of, you and I, I was raised Catholic, but not near, I was very barely religious. We both have Catholic guilt as men. Yes, yeah. We've related over it before. But there's some things that you liked about it, obviously. There are some good things that you look on. Were there any, like, big feasts or?

what was happening? Like, is there anything at these, at these, what was it called? The potlucks that you remember specifically getting like any food like that? Well, okay, like green bean casserole is like a miracle dish back there. They're noodle dishes. It's all like from scratch noodles and stuff. And you've got a lot of these like, like the Mennonite ladies know what they're doing. Yeah. I'm not saying, look, I'm not saying women in the kitchen kind of thing. I'm just saying that's how it is in the Mennonite culture. These ladies, know what they're doing. I don't know a lot of men that cook the casserole dishes

in the Mennonite culture. A very conservative sect where a lot of people in traditional gender roles is what you're saying. There you go. Thank you for cleaning that up for me. Geez, Louise. I'm like casting a blanket statement. Let me come on your show and say something awful. No, not at all. No, but

they and like the baked goods it's unbelievable. In fact, I worked at a restaurant called Der Dutchman for a while. I was a waiter. unbelievable. The pies and again, the secret is butter. But it's used in ways that you have never

I mean, it's just unbelievable. And like cream and just like really good, really fresh from scratch stuff. Fucking egg. You need eggs for baking too. Eggs are essential ingredient. You know, you're an egg man.

And I'm Sonic, baby. You think you're the nimble fast one of the two of us? I mean, just casting-wise. You're the egg man. I am kind of wearing an egg man. My sweater almost looks like an Eggman sweater. But anyways.

If you transferred your beard hair into like a big mustache, you'd be a dead ringer. And you know what? Eggman played by, we haven't taught about this much. The Sonic the Hedgehog movie is... The live action one, yes. Is moving forward. Played by Jim Carrey. Interesting casting.

Very interesting casting. Interesting casting for sure. Joe, so you talked about how you've gotten to some accidents with stunts. Tell us, I mean, there's one specifically. There's one specific one. So let me just, I'll breeze through the other ones. I broke my collarbone playing baseball, shallow fly ball into left field. We got a man on third.

We got to stop that runner from going home. I was playing short and I sprinted headlong 100% running full out diving into our left fielder. Who caught the ball? So that is a sign you did not need to be out there doing that. And I broke my collarbone. That was awful. And then I... You're very athletically gifted.

You had a sport that you excelled at? Yeah, I'm a big chokemeister, you know? I choked a lot in big opportunities. But I had a lot of fun. I still love sports and I skate and ride a BMX bike regularly. I rode yesterday. Joe, you know what? The thing about choking is that you always got another...

With sports or with anything, you always got another opportunity to step up to the plate. Yeah, you do. You do. Knock out of the park. I don't think that's the... that contradicts Eminem's whole thing. This is your one shot? One shot.

Yeah. Well, that was like, that was the championship game. That's different. We're talking about... Yeah, so then if you choke in the championship game, that was your one shot. You can come back after you choke in the championship game.

You can win again. I don't know. That's more of a pump-up song to get you excited to get... You're saying my message to Joe about you can step up and do it. You can always step up again. You're saying that I'm wrong. I'm saying it's contradicted by Eminem, and that movie would not have been satisfying

if Rabbit had choked in the championship. I think it would have been an interesting ending if he choked, but he still was good. We know he's good. Right, you know he's good. That's kind of the rocky sort of finale. Although he didn't choke there. He legitimately lost. I don't remember that movie.

I saw it in college in the theater and I have not seen it since. I've never seen it. Here's the thing. I'm not a big guy. You know, I'm like a whippersnapper of a guy. I'm not like a real athlete guy. Like that's once you, I think, and I always had a thing when I was growing up, Like, I am going to be a professional athlete.

There was no doubt in my mind. It was going to happen. I'm working hard. I'm doing it. I'm pretty good at Little League. But there was no doubt in my mind. But then you realize, like, I had, since I had one time, I got the chance to interview Matt Kemp of the Dodgers.

Very cool. This man is a foot and a half taller than me and has 100 pounds on me. You know, it's like, and he's not even a big guy. He's not seen as a big guy. That's just what athletes are, they're huge. Yeah. And if they're not tall, which. they all are, they're like shredded.

Right, yeah. There's a, just the scale that you'll feel standing. I've stood next to Blake Griffin before, and it's just like you are so much larger than me in every way. It's just like the physical proportions are amazing. I wish you fucking dunked your ass. Oh, my God. I'd love to be-put-you-in-a-fucking hoop.

I'd love to be dunked. I wish he improvised all over you all over your ass. He's a big improv guy. He is improv guy, a lot of improv. Big comedy, dude. I wonder if funny or die paid him $100 for his videos. I'm having a feeling that they probably paid them more. New Year, same extra value meals at McDonald's.

So now get two snack wraps, plus fries, and a medium soft drink for just $8. For limited time only, prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California, and for delivery. But Joe, there was one. Okay, let's get to the real one. Let's get to the real one. I broke a rib skateboarding. Don't worry about that one.

But here's the one. Yeah. Didn't you hear your ankle or something, too? Didn't you? I thought there was some injury where you, like, couldn't walk much. Oh, I think it is this one. It's this one. All right, let's hear it. I was playing the Great American pastime of baseball. And I was running to do a slide into third, but like it was one of those where you want to do a pop-up slide. Right. Because you want to be ready to run in case there's an overthrow or something.

And I popped up and the game had changed. and what happened was I landed on my own spikes. Oh my God. And I landed on my butthole. He whispered this into the mic. The spikes stabbed me in the butthole. And I landed on it at great force and at great speed. And I popped up very quickly and suddenly nothing felt the same.

Wow. And I was, I didn't say anything. I was just like, oh, good God. What is that? And it was like this, it was like the worst pain you've ever felt. It was like, I couldn't,

it was like, I can't quite explain it. It was the worst pain. I finished the game. There's even a picture I have from that day. And I remember like, when I took the picture, I'm like kind of kneeling and I'm going,

what in God's name is happening down there? I'm like driving home like, this can't stay like this painful. And I thought maybe I just irritated something. You know, I hit something. You know, it'll get better. It'll be fine. I tried to ignore it. A month goes by, maybe a month and a half. A month.

It does not get better. It gets worse. And to the point that I can't I mean, I'm like screaming, I'm like I can't stand up really. It hurts to even like cook, like to stand over a stove. I couldn't stand up right. It hurt to go to the rest. I'm so sorry. I'm the nice person I just met. I'm very sorry for this, everyone, but it's a true real thing that happened.

Be as open and honest about it as you want to. I think this is very interesting. I never knew this could possibly happen. It's insane. I mean, it's just a good thing acting in all those funnier die videos got you SAG after health insurance. Luckily, I happened to have health insurance. I did have SAG after health insurance because I had done some other jobs. Right.

Luckily, a miracle, like, you have to like make a certain amount each year. It's a, we live in a real nightmare. there, you know. Yeah, the entertainment unions out here, a lot of them have like a tiered system where you have to make a certain threshold of income to qualify for health insurance. I moved down to tier two this year. I'm about two too, too. Well, I'm, I'm, I'm like close. I'm on the cusp. I don't know. Yeah. See, that's the crazy thing. You need to get, you sometimes just need one job to get, because they count residuals. Yeah. But then, or it will be a year without health insurance. It's, it's, that's, that's just what happens. So, so what how, what's the

A shot of your treatment or your diagnosis. Okay. So finally I go to a doctor. I go to a clinic because I'm like afraid to go to a real doctor for this. Right. I'm like still in denial. And the guy like won't even really, you know, get in there. Yeah.

You wouldn't even really get in there, Nick. Can you say it all what? And you don't have to be too visceral or you can be as descriptive or non descriptive as you like. But what did it look like? I, you know, I have a hard time. I'm not a very flexible guy. It's never been my strength. Yeah.

What the, you're asking what it looked like? If you had a mirror or took a picture with your phone or something? If I had to guess, I think David Neer said it, I had to guess it probably looked like a fricking pastrami sandwich down there. You know what I'm saying? You know, I can't get my, the angles aren't right. The angles aren't right. But I'll tell you what the diagnosis was.

The stromy sandwich go on. Ooh, second course. With the diagnosis here, I tore my butthole. It's the medical term for what. happened. Wow. Wow. Now casually at the bar, they'll call it an anal fissure. Yeah. But the doc, he told me, you've got a torn butthole. And he put his hand to his mouth like you just did? Yeah, he said, he whispered it in my ear. I could hear his lips smacking. Wow. So I finally then went to a specialist. He referred me to, he's like, you have to find this kind

of doctor. I looked up that kind of doctor. I looked up, I thought I had a thrombosed hemorrhoid. I'm so sorry. This is soup day on the doughboys. I thought that's what it was. And so I went and made of an appointment with a surgeon. Yeah. A colorectal surgeon. And a guy,

and I went to like the crappiest like UCLA or, no, USC. It was fine. It was a fine experience. But you've got students in there. Right. Like there's like someone like learning while you. You're telling me there's a 21 year old kid looking at your butthole. Yep.

Yep. Jeez. People will pay good money for that. So you have a, So you're going to this specialist. You're going to a university facility. So I go there. I drive myself over there.

I've been in pain now for, you know, almost two months. Oh, my God. I go there. He takes one look, looks for about half a second. And he goes, oh, yeah, he goes like, you don't have a thrombose hemorrhoid. He's like, you have a torn butthole, you know, he says to me real close in the ear. He whispers, he sent the other person out of the room. Yeah.

And he whispered so close. His lips were kissing my ear when he said it. and he's like, you have an anal fisher, and he's like, I can see the muscle. He's like, I can tell. Oh, my. So it had been getting, like, worse. It had been getting worse. Jesus.

God. And so he's... That wouldn't be a problem with me, by the way. You wouldn't be seeing any muscle. You don't have any muscles in your rectum? You got to have. It is a muscle. And I'll tell you this one, you know, you break your collarbone.

You know what you do? Yeah. You put your arm in a sling for a couple of weeks. And then you're fine. Yeah. What the hell? You can hold still when you break your collarbone, you just hold still. If you break your butt, you got to use that thing.

You got to. There's no options to reroute. You know what I'm saying? You have to use it every day. And so pretty soon, he prescribes like topical ointments. Okay, he doesn't tell me at that time, you're going to spend the next year and a half of your life in torment. Oh my God. He doesn't say that to me.

He says, we'll try some topical creams. see if your body can heal and then we'll talk about surgery. And there's no there's no like stitching or anything that can be done. It's just giving it time.

It sort of just has to heal and the problem is this muscle is like you know, it's got it's like an expanding contract thing that's happening. It's like having a wound on the inside of your freaking elbow

you know or something where I don't know. It's like having a wound. Yeah and you have to use it every day. Yeah. And it was the worst. And Like I got to say is like, don't worry, it only hurts for 12 hours after every time I use the restaurant.

Oh, my God. So, like, that would be almost the pain is after. Right. And I cannot even describe the torment. It's like, and, you know, my mom would be like, should I visit? I'm like, stay away. Yeah. Everyone stay away because all I can feel in channel is pain, just raw pain.

Did you get surgery eventually? So I couldn't eat. eventually I'm only eating soup. And this is how soup saved your soul. I'm eating like pea soup. Eventually I'm not even, I cut out coffee. I cut out alcohol. I cut out all.

I started eating this really like specific diet of like no nuts and no, no tomatoes. Like you're really bland. Centering your life around like easy bowel movements. Yes. And Joe, I'm going to say this. You've never been a chubby guy. by any means. I was for a little bit there.

For a little bit, I got a little bit chubby. Like comedy scene chubby. Well, no, that's not even, that's worse. I mean, I'm saying like everyone who's on, there's, everyone has a little padding.

But, um, but Joe, Joe, it is heaviest by UCB improv standards was emaciated. Exactly. I agree with that. But you lost a lot of weight. You did.

You, you, you, you, you, you, you, noticeably lost weight. I,

I've since put on, I've put back on, on like probably 20 pounds. I was down to lower than I wrestled my senior year in high school, which is when you're actively cutting weight. I was like 145 pounds. I'm like 170. Damn. And I've since put back on a lot. In fact, now I'm still like, okay, I need to like learn how to eat again because I got so excited that I could finally eat after a year and a half. It was like, you know, I just attempted to just eat for cheeseburgers and stuff. So I lost 40 pounds. I lost 40 pounds of the course of like the next six or seven or eight months.

Wow. And finally I had to admit this is not working. This isn't working. I have to go do something about it. And it's sort of like in between the major surgery and them. See, the major surgery, if you do the major surgery, here's what you're up against. It could be permanent incontinence. Oh my God.

That's insane. So you're trying, I'm like dealing, I'm like juggling my pain against the prospect of like, what's that gamble? worth. They say if you're going to rob a bank and you're going to go to prison for 10 or 20 years, what price of money do you have to get for that to be worth it? You have to, you know, probably like a million bucks in this heist or, you know, whatever, 20 million bucks. Like, what is that price? And so that's kind of what I'm doing in my mind is I'm putting it off as long as I can because I don't want to gamble with the chance of permanent incontinence. I didn't even know that was.

I didn't know that was. He's having to wear a diaper for the rest of your life. Yeah. And, you know, I'm an active guy. I like to get on my skateboard and cruise around. Yeah. They'd make fun of me for sure if I had a diaper on. Is that a problem for you, Mitch? I only wear diapers when I'm home alone. And I put Wally and Irma on one too and we'll crawl around on the floor.

Okay. Here's the other funny, there's another funny aspect about this, which is I'm like looking up forums, you know, tips and whatever and reading people's experiences. They're all, they all read like Steve. King's short stories. Like, it just got more and more horrible. It was like my, you know, it's like, they all sound awful. And the vast majority of the people posting in these forums are women who have given

birth. So most of the people dealing with this are at least, you know, have something on the other end of the teeter totter, like this beautiful special miracle. Right. I had no miracle. There was no baby. Yeah. You know, there was just like, we won that ball game, I think.

I'm so afraid of permanent incontinence now. that I didn't really even realize, of course, that's a thing that can happen. But damn, that's terrifying. A nightmare. Joe, luckily that you got surgery. It didn't happen. I got the mini-surgery. They put boat. They give you a Botox injection into your butt muscle to sort of paralyze it slightly for a few months to give it a chance to heal. Because I think that's part of the problem is it's like you're having spasms or something like that. So they they Botox it. So I have had some work done. I've had some Botox. Can I ask you a question?

Was that a time where with bathroom issues, was it a thing where you, like, were you didn't know when it was going to happen or anything like that? No. After the surgery, it was a brutal recovery because it was like, you know, I don't know what they did down there, man. I was out. They put me out on some.

And they just injected you with Botox when they put you out. Yeah. And I think they all. I also had to... Cleaned it up a little bit. Yeah, you know, take away some scar tissue. God. There from that pop-up slide I did.

Jesus. And... They took a cleat out. They removed... They're like, we got a size 11? We just pulled out of there. So... There's your problem.

So I... It was touch and go, but that was the only time I did take... I took ibuprofen. But that was the other thing is you can't take a painkiller. You can't take... an opiate or something that's going to add to your constipation or something like that. So I didn't take a painkiller. I was in pain for, okay, so then I had the surgery like six or eight months later.

And then even after the surgery, it like sort of kind of worked. Yeah. But it still took, in all in all, it was a year and a half. Until you felt insane. Do you now feel normal again? Yes. Okay. Yeah.

Like you feel like you did before. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, uh, I mean, it was. it was a long process and a lot of like just eating soup and I just when I stopped probably after I got surgery like the pain most of the time wasn't as notorious but it was still probably four or five months after that that it finally started oh I maybe this pain will not be with me all my life God that's brutal I broke a radial head in a stunt for the birthday boys TV show when I went

when I run through the door in a in a sketch with Zoe Jarman she's a very funny performer she's great She's great Been on dough boys before? Yeah She's You got you got Jarman on here before

The Fartsman? Yeah we got her on pretty early on She yeah was it was a long time Yeah it was a long time Sorry you scream Um But I ran through the And the radio

So I broke up my radial head And uh I still get I thought you were gonna make some sort of radio head joke Nick And you weren't there That's what I thought you said He's just, Nick is just staring. Oh, I didn't even connect the dots.

Also, when I said Joe's putting you in a headlock, Joe, the performer went, come here, you? And he made noises and you just stared straight ahead. I didn't realize that was about me. I'm kind of out of it. Are you still fucked up? What's going on here? I didn't realize the headlock thing was, I didn't realize you were saying. He was putting me in a headlock.

I didn't realize that was an act out. I'm sorry. Anyways. I should have, that would have been because I like pro wrestling. Yeah, you love pro wrestling. You've watched it for a good year now. Yeah. And you dropped the ball.

Okay, well. You drop the belt. You know, that's why I'm starting in improv school, and whenever we're going to do an act out, we act out. And then everyone knows. It just puts everyone on the same page. Yeah. And then if someone else wants to do it, act out.

Do you know what? That's a new doughboys rule. I, every time, every time, so with my radial head, I broke it, and every time I be around, I'd be like, ow, ow, ow, my arm is hurting. But for real, I would get aches and pain. I still get aches and pains in my arm. Right. Oh, wait, Emma, we talked about this, right?

Yeah, I broke the same bone. And we both, we both experienced that sort of the stormy weather day. And I'm happy that that isn't a thing for you because. It is a thing for my collarbone. For collarbone. Yeah, yeah. That is another thing I never understood as a kid. Like, oh, like your body might not get all the way better.

Yeah, exactly. Right, yeah, yeah, because your booboos as a kid go away. And then as an adult, yeah, that can be just like lifelong pain. It was the first bone I ever broke. My radial head, only bone I've ever broke. And I broke a finger too. It's basically like right here, you're... Mitch is touching his elbow.

It's your elbow, basically. Ooh. Yeah. And so it's, yeah, you still get kind of like a little headache in your arm every so often. Hey, you know what, Doe Boys listeners out there? Tell us your gnarliest injury. Hashtag battle scar. Oh, that's good. I'm so sorry you had to hear that. And you're not just you. I had to tell all the people in my life. Everyone I had encountered, people would be like, let's go out for dinner. And I'd be like, let's meet at this juice place. And they're like, what are we doing? I'm like, I can't eat solid food. You're basically on a liquid diet by necessity. Joe, it's a fascinating story. And I think everyone, everyone loves you. I think people were probably felt for you. Yeah. And it's like you have to. tell people something. And so it's like I'd be like talking to my agent. And it's like I don't

want them to think I have cancer. Right. Yeah. I have to tell them what's going on. I was still going out for stuff. I could, I would be standing in line at the grocery covered in sweat from pain. So here's another thing. This sounds like my life with stomach issues, honestly. I swear to God. Really? You had like a persistent ailment? For most of my entire life. It's been diagnosed every which way. But I think that I just have, what's it called? Help me out here, Nick. Crohn's disease? Not Crohn's. IBS, thank you.

Okay. Yeah. But the same situation, I'd be in line and then just sweating and distress in my entire life. I felt like it made me, I mean, I was like desperate for anything to try to escape. I'm like meditating to try to like get away from the pain. I'm trying, you know, you're like trying everything. Right. But it also made me just think this is a little cheesy, but you don't know what

people are going through. Yeah. You don't know what anybody, and like, the way, like, the amount of searing pain that I would be in just trying to drive to an audition, I'd be like, these people around cannot possibly comprehend the enormous thing I'm lugging around with. Right. Yeah. And it's also, I imagine, too, as someone who's kind of like around comedy, that you have

an injury that sounds funny, but it's completely like a nightmare for you. And so I imagine that's probably an issue, too, like, just like, I don't know if you have a sense of humor about it now, but I mean, you probably at the time did not. Right. But I did recognize the humor. And, you know, some people had said just about my attitude towards comedy that people were saying that I was butt hurt.

And they were right. They were right. I got seriously butt hurt. Yeah, I guess so. Some of this stuff. Joe, we got to get into these soups. We got, there's been so much preamble. I mean, this is.

This is great combo. It's amazing stuff. We, we, if we're going to try another one, Joe, do you want us to try, there's two progressive chicken soups. Do you want us to try? Progresso. Sorry, progresso. Yeah, these aren't like, these aren't soups that stand up for women's rights or me.

Or the auto insurance suits. This isn't a, a tomato bisque that advocates for $15 an hour. Or Joe, do you want us to try one of you, the soups you brought like the Anderson's pea soup? and we can save the progressive versus progressive Progresso versus Progresso for another time. Well, let's just settle that one real quick. Progresso beats Campbell's hands down in every way.

Okay. Campbell's Soup, and when you're making Campbell's soup, one of the steps in the directions, this is a very dumb thing. One of the steps in the directions is if you look at the soup, it says you need a can of water. Interesting. Where do you get that?

Yeah. Where do you find a can of water? I mean, you know? I've been up and down the aisles. I can't find that. Oh, Joe. single can of water. Hey, I'm here. I'm going to be at the Starlight Lounge. We'll be the Starlight Lounge out there and Manabello.

So I'm going to say the non. Is there any other soup that you would want to try, though? Amy's, there's a soup called Amy's. It's like an organic soup. It's a very good soup. I like the lentil soup. I don't know. Usong has one last soup ready. You can bring it in, whatever it is. Bring the final soup. Let's talk through what we've had. Yeah, and Joe, we've had. We're going to say you made two of these soups. I whipped up some soups. It was a battle of the cookers for my growing dough boys, my boys. So the first thing you presented us was a, and less a soup than a sort of than a dish, but a delicious dish was this stroganoff that you made in the instant pot.

Yes. I wanted to test out an instant pot versus a slow cooker, and I use a slow cooker a lot. And so I was skeptical about how the beef would turn out. Right. And I thought the stroganoff was going to be more soupy. It wasn't. It was like adult mac and cheese. It was very, very good.

It was so good. I couldn't stop eating it. Joe, this was amazing. This reminded me of a stroganoff my dad would make on the stovtop. I don't even love stroganoff. And I'm a big fan. Loved this. It's a great execution.

Well, I mean, stroganoff can just be made poorly as an issue. Yeah. Very simple. I followed a recipe you can find online. Look up instant pot beef stroganoff. Yeah. And should I name the website that I got off? Yeah.

All recipes. All recipes. I use that one a lot. There's some good ones on there. Do you have the app? No, I usually just look it up. Oh, man, the app's great. Well, maybe I'll get this app.

Oh, we have another guest arriving. Usong is doing two things at once. He's serving us soup. And also... Thanks, buddy. That's a progressive chicken noodle, and you can tell because that's a hearty soup there. So you're an instant pot fan.

Huge fan of the instant pot. This is a recipe that I literally made in the hour I had after my Twitch show in between this. I had already done the slow cooker one, and I whipped together this. I followed the recipe exactly. It doesn't take much. You saute the beef.

You throw some onions in there. You know, it's just follow the recipe. And it came out very well. It came out great. It was delicious. Yeah, just the texture and the savory flavors. You also made us a vegan, what is this vegan soup? This is a red pepper vegan corn chowder.

It's a slow cooker recipe. Really enjoyed this one. It's like a Southwestern, you know, you could spice this up any way you want. And basically it's like golden Yukon potatoes, onions, some garlic, slow cooked with some corn. And then you puree the soup after you slow cook it for like 10 hours. Yes. Were you eating that soup a lot when you were hurt? Yeah.

I mean, honestly, when I was hurt, I did not do much cooking of myself. That's why I relied on these canned soups. Like, Anderson's pea soup was a big one. Would you, I've had Anderson's before. We're not going to get to it,

but it's a, it's kind of like a famous restaurant on your, if you're going up north to San Francisco from L.A. There's Anderson's pea soup and, and I think, I think it's sold nationwide, maybe, but. I think it might be. But it's,

it's a great pea soup. I was so excited for that place because they've got windmills. Yeah. And then they've got, it's the first place I encountered. That's why you were excited for it. Yes, I like the wind.

Mills and I've also like it's the first place I remember encountering you know those those things where you it's like a photo op where it's like a standee that's got the face cut out that you can put your face inside yeah they had that with chefs and so you could like put your face in and being my brother did and I just thought it was a lot of fun koalik and I did that koalik put his face and I put my butt in one of the holes oh boy Mitch you know I had uh put their faces there I didn't touch it up against the wood for God's sake I don't put I I didn't put my butt on the wood. Okay.

God. I think you're retconning, and I think that's exactly what you did. Jesus. But, you know, over the course of this, I was forced to become, I'm a soup advocate these days.

Yeah. I love a hearty soup on a cold day. Mm-hmm. I agree with that. It's soup season, Joe. A man raised religious, today you evangelized. The power of a puraid liquid food.

Okay. Very good. Jesus. I didn't know where the hell you were going with that. You follow these recipes, you know, and you get them on, you got the internet here. If you put it, if you put some of those recipes and, you know, you get them on your phone. Right. You just follow them.

And at the end, you're eating good. Let me tell you that. All recipes app, I think is quite handy because you can have dish, it's very easy to mark dishes as favorites. And then you can put them in categories and then so you can just refer to that any times. I'd recommend if you're already using the website, download the app. Give it a spin. Joe, you also, you, for the, for the, for the, uh, vegan chowder. Yes.

There was also, like you said, there were onions and there were, what else did we got there? Red pepper. So you also, that's a nice one because you kind of chop up some garnishes, like some scallions, red pepper, some fresh raw diced tomatoes. So you can kind of spice it up that way. And I always, of course, throw in some Franks Red Hot. And, oh, we also experimented with a little nutritional yeast on the Stroganoff, which I thought, you know, it's like kind of a Parmesany thing. Yeah, you brought the nutritional yeast. the Franks Red Hot and the Worcestershire sauce.

I will say that Stroganoff didn't eat anything. I put a little... In the shower, I put a little hot sauce just to spice it up a little bit. But both of them were really delicious. And Joe, just having these, despite me saying it wrong, we had a progresso a lot in my... That was one of the soups I would have grown up. Just eating the clam chowder.

They do a good clam chowder. It's a fine? It's fine? I mean, it's fine. I mean, not as good as a, like you're going to get... I'm saying that that's a decent... New England clam chowder. For me, I'd like, the clam chowder is a soup I'd like to have like a good, like a really good version of.

Sure. And so like having like the, a good canned version, like a perfectly fine canned version is not super satisfying. However, the the chicken noodle you made, or made, sorry, the roasted chicken noodle you brought. The Progresso brand, I thought was was quite nice. And I thought that is hardy. And I think that is a soup that the, that actually not a cream soup, but, but, you know, this chicken stock soup, I think, is one that works out of a can. It's pretty nice.

But I do want to comment, the vegan soup you made was delicious, and I wouldn't know it was vegan. And you made it with almond milk, correct? Yeah. And yeah, I think that's a home run from a soup standpoint if you don't know something is vegan, or a vegan dish standpoint, rather. If you don't know it, then you don't know what you're missing. It's delightful.

Yeah, that was really good. And the fresh veggies you brought to throw on top, just the icing on the cake. It was great. easy way to head off those, you know, some people can turn their nose up. They're like, oh, there's nothing I can eat here. You know, at these holiday parties, there's one person who shows up without anything, and they're like, oh, and there's nothing I can eat because I'm, of course, vegan. Right.

You throw this chowder down in front of them. You can, you know, dunk them, their head down in there and hold it in for 10 seconds. They'll get the idea, you know. Joe, before we wrap it up, Joe, favorite soup. Ooh, I was going to ask almost the same question. I was going to say favorite comfort soup. But you can answer the favorite soup question. You're going to give an answer to both of them.

Well, it might be the same thing. Man, this is a difficult, because I just had a very good hearty, you know, I made a turkey stew like out of a turkey with a turkey carcass from Jack, Jack A.M., you know? Jack, they gave me a carcass. They sent me home on. Jack is giving out carcasses? He gave me a carcass. You guys are doing crossover content in your Twitch channels.

By the way, Jack had me over. He's like, you want to come eat this turkey I'm making on a stream? I was like, sure. I go over there literally what we eat is turkey he had a turkey you know what I'm saying

he didn't have a couple dinner rolls or mashed potatoes you know he hadn't made Thanksgiving dinner so he'd made nothing else he'd made a turkey was there gravy no

oh my God it was just a turkey and I was like Jack you should have told me I would have brought something man I didn't know that's very funny but they did

They sent me home with a carcass, and I boiled it, and I made an unbelievable turkey stew from that stock. And, man, a hearty stew is tough to beat. But I think we have to say the stroganoff is not soup, right? No, yeah, I wouldn't call that soup. As delicious as it was. Man, then I don't know. I really... Your answer might be stroganoff if you could classify it as a soup.

Yeah, but, man, I don't know. Well, you know what? I got to pick something. Just for the sake of conversation. No, Joe, this might be. This might be a cliffhanger for your next appearance. This might be a part two. Yeah, maybe I'll have to figure out which of these soups.

Well, also, there's another thing that we wanted to get to more soups and rankings. There's something I said on the podcast that was kind of controversial. I ranked soups and I said... You were ranking categories of soups. I said fa, ramen, chowder, and then soup. And the people got really mad at me. The categories are in there. Because I said soup.

But it does make sense. sense because I was saying like basic America. You don't have to keep rationalizing this. Joe, help me out here. I think you're digging it deeper now almost. Joe, help me out here. You could have just let it go. Joe just helped me out here.

So you've got your fah. Yeah. Also is a soup. It is just a soup. But I'm saying that is a specific style. Nick, can we agree on that? Fah is a style of soup, yes. Yes, okay.

Soup is a is not one of these four categories. Ramen? Ramen is. Soup can't be a subcategory of soup. Yeah. I'm saying classic American, like chicken noodle, whatever, bean soup. I'm saying like, I was saying just in... I think you need a different name slash more categories.

So it sounds like we're having a part two where we're going to be ranking some soups. Okay, but we won't be returning to this specific thing. No, I think this will be brought up again. I want to announce a strong candidate for favorite soup. Okay. A creamy tomato bisque. Oh, Joe. Joe, that's, when I was younger, I didn't love it.

That might be my favorite is. That's up there. Really, really good soup. Dip a little toast in that. there. Sidewalk grill, Joe. Not far from here. Great tomato soup. A little creamy tomato soup. Nick, you've had it. Yeah, I like that soup. It's great. It's good as hell. Joe Hartsler. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much. I know I know I promised I was going to go on Delhi, Deli Boys, but now I would like to say it here on Doe Boys. I will never go on

deli boys ever. No matter what, I will never. I'm a Doe Boy for life. Wow. For life. And if you ever want to have me on for a real episode, I would love to do that too. This is a real episode, but we will have you on for a full episode where you can review a chain. you're right. I was, it was communicated to me that this is somehow a lesser episode. We're not,

we don't, I don't consider the Patreon episodes to be lesser episodes. JK, J.K. Friends, thank you for having me. Thank you to our subscribers. Thank you for doing it,

Joe. You're the man. You made some great soups today. It's fantastic stuff, an amazing story, a hilarious man. Give us your plugs real quick. Hey, slidehead first out there,

everybody. Slidehead first, uh, you know, good luck to the wrestling nephews. And I am at Twitch. Dot TV slash Fartzler. Tune in.

I go, I do a fun day Friday from 9 a. PST to 1030. I do a Sunday service every Sunday from 10 to 1130 and I'm working on a weekday show, maybe a Wednesday recap and also check out acting tips on YouTube. Sorry, I took so much time there. No, that's great. That's great. Very thorough. Thank you, Joe. You're hilarious guy. We're happy to finally have you on here and I'm happy that you're feeling good again. Big fan. I'm so excited. I was so excited to feed my growing boys. I'm very excited. I'm happy for you guys. That's this week's No Boys Double. Bye. See ya.