Doughboys - Unlocked! THE SCALE

Episode Date: June 4, 2020

Unlocked! THE SCALE is one of the most momentous events in paywalled podcast history, now free for all.You can donate to orgs fighting racism and police brutality here:https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ab_mnWant more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey guys, it's Weiger. Hey, it's Mitch. So here's the thing, just speaking as ourselves as two men who have a show where we talk as ourselves about what's going on right now. And we, I think we both, Mitch felt that it was kind of a dodge to not discuss the state of the world, right? Yes. It's a thing we've been thinking about, obviously, and something we feel like it needs to be addressed, of course. Like, obviously, we're not the people that I think anyone wants to go to on hearing some of this stuff, but we also want to let people know where we stand on it, of course, and that we support the Black Lives Matter movement and, you know, things like that. We just wanted to get it out there.

Yeah, that we're both on the same page with this, that this is specifically the specific concern right now is anti-Black violence by the police, and that, you know, there are specific aims that are being sought here, like demilitarizing and defunding the police. And so, like, for me, I just like, I just want to make sure that we are not just saying the slogan part, but we are specifically behind the action items to fight, you know, the systemic white supremacy among law enforcement. Yeah, for sure. I mean, I think it goes without saying, but I'm going to say it anyways, that we have condolences and love to the families of people affected and the communities affected by all of this.

Right, of course. And to George Floyd and Breonna Taylor and Amad Arbery and everyone, I know that it's important to say their names and put faces to some of this tragedy, because I think that that video of George Floyd being murdered in broad daylight is one of the most terrific and heartbreaking things I've ever witnessed in my entire life, why? Because I feel like you feel the same way. And, you know, I feel like the murder of a black man shouldn't be a political issue. You know, it just shouldn't be. It's just so clearly a right and wrong. Right. And the officer who murdered him and everyone else involved should be brought to justice.

I think that's, that's should be an easy thing for everyone to say. Right. And then when you see and you're, and you're, and I agree with you. And then when you see, you know, the response to protests and the, the vicious police violence and brutality that is being directed towards protesters, you know, hopefully that clarifies if there was any ambiguity that that this is again, a systemic problem. Like this is not just like the classic bad apples analogy. Yeah. This is, this is like there's, this is a serious problem that's bigger than individual officers. It applies to the policing approach in the United States as a whole.

Yeah. And I think you, I think everything you have an issue with any of those statements or Black Lives Matter, if you have an issue with that statement, I don't, I don't know if you should be listening to our podcast, to be honest with you. You know, I just get the fuck out of here really. That's, that's, I mean, that's, that's, that's the best I can put it. Well, as you often joke and you say that I'm racist and you say the boss in the city I'm from is racist. And many times I argue about it with it, like I argue with you about it and, and I get defensive, but the truth is I am racist and my city is racist and you

are racist and every city is racist and no one, no white person or city or place is really above that. Right. Because of, because like what you were saying, systemic racism is in every one of our institutions and it's been ingrained in this country since its inception, basically. I was, I was just about to speak that you, that the LA specifically. Yes. 601, you know, people have been murdered by police in recent years. It's just, it's

staggering. Yeah. How many, the body count at the hands of, of officers and police departments across the country and then just the abs, the utter absence of accountability. Yeah. I mean, when, when I, when I was a preteen and a teenager and a kid in my early 20s, I was often depressed by the way things are in the world and there's a competitiveness to American life that I've always kind of took issue with, like who's better and who's faster, better looking, smarter, richer, all those things that I, you know, rank towards

the bottom of anyways. And we don't really listen to each other when people are hurt or sad or sick or depressed or feel different. And as a kid, I often felt as like an, like an outsider and I felt things were unfair and I'm a well off white boy from a supportive family. And so I was so inherently privileged and completely oblivious to it, you know, and I think my mind can't even begin to grasp what it's like to be in the opposite situation, to be a person of color who comes from little or no money and the struggle that they experience every

day and have experienced for years, you know, and, and, and you know, like I've, I've, I've lived what I consider a decent good life and, and there's so many people and there's so many struggles and things that I couldn't even be to begin to grasp and I'm already pissed off with the way the world is. And I think that there's just so much systemic change that needs to happen. But you know, one of the very first things is that someone shouldn't be murdered because of the color of their skin. I think that's just such an easy thing to say.

And it just bums me out that Martin Luther King was killed over 50 years ago and, and Rodney King was beaten nearly 30 years ago and, and we still haven't come very far, you know, and, and that, and that just bums me out completely. As someone old enough to remember, you know, living in the, in LA County at the time of the Rodney King beating and remembering the riots in the aftermath. It's absurd in hindsight that that was not the breaking point, but instead that that was, you know, just one incident in a series of another three decades of, of police violence against black people.

And I would just wanted to say that, you know, that I've seen some of people being a little bit obsessed over looting. I don't know if that's necessarily like our listenership, but maybe this is, this is, maybe these are your parents. Maybe these are, you know, people in your family. Maybe these are people on your Facebook walls. And I would just say like the way to, the way to reframe that that I think is helpful instead of, instead of asking like, why do people have to loot?

Just the, the attention should be a, why do police have to murder people? Like that's like why, why, like the, the inciting incident is police, you know, is a police homicide. Yeah. And I would just like focus on that and the, the, the property damage, fucking CVS and REI have insurance, like, like who gives a shit. And we of course want all protesters and small businesses to be safe and we don't want anyone to be hurt or anything during this, you know, and we want the message to be loud and clear

at the same time. So what, you know, it's, it's a complicated thing, but there's no, I think that there's no need for people, when you say black lives matter, or you say things like this, there's no need for people to get defensive about any of it. You know what I mean? There's, there's room for people to learn and grow. And everyone's made mistakes in their lives in all different areas of their lives. We've all made mistakes and we can all be better and we can all learn from this.

You know what I mean? We all, and I think people just need to listen. Why? It's personally, I think that's what I'm, that's my plan. That's what I plan to do. I think the most important thing for me or anyone, maybe in my position is probably to listen into support and to be as active as you can in, in, in these areas and, and whether that's donating or going to protests and, and, and things like that.

Right. And that's, that's, that's what I'm going to do, you know? Also I think just like, like, you know, we have a largely white listenership, which to me, I would, I was shocked to find this out, Mitch. But I would say that, you know, if you've got like a, a mega dad or whatever, like, I don't know. I mean, I'm sure you've already made those efforts to have those discussions, but maybe, or maybe you've got just like a, a liberal, like, you know, a liberal mom who's like a

little too concerned about looting and, and has, and is drawing equivalency between the protesters and the, and the police violence that kicked this off. And I would say that, that I think having those discussions can be productive. So like beyond protesting and donating, which are obvious, I think maybe those smaller discussions can be helpful. Yeah. You know, you know, there, there have been so many times in my life personally where I've promised to kind of turn over a new leaf and to start making good decisions and be a better

person. And I fail at that a lot. And sadly, it feels like our country is kind of the exact same way. I, I, I'm a sad reflection of our entire country. And so for me, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's time to make an effort and to make change in many areas of my life, but specifically here, it's, it's, it's a thing that we're all focusing on right now. And so it's a thing that you can, if you listen, support, listen to people of color,

you know, it's, it's that sort of thing of like, there are so many systemic changes that just need to come about and a simple one is to stop killing men and women of color and to stop discriminating against people because of their color or their gender or their sexual preference or their beliefs. And that's just something that we should have learned so long ago and it's, it's time to really make an effort and do it. And I, and I, and I don't want this to just be another thing that in three months, this doesn't mean anything.

You know, that's the thing that I, that scares me, but, right. I really hope that there's good positive change. Right. Um, and, and yeah, I mean, I think that's what we're all hoping for, you know, hopefully this wasn't too annoying or courtier make us look like fucking dipshits. I certainly didn't want to seem like Bill Simmons and Ryan Rusillo at the top of the podcast. Me neither.

I mean, it's, it's a very hard thing right now to, we canceled some, we, I mean, just no one is in the mood to do anything funny. And sadly, Wags and I have never been in the mood to do anything funny. Yeah. We got a bad track record there. But I mean, it is something that has to be said, obviously right now. So yeah, I think, I, I mean, I think we just, we, we felt like if we didn't say something, then I don't know, I guess we'd rather like look a little fucking,

potentially look a little fucking stupid than feel like we weren't using this platform to share our thoughts and maybe hope, maybe reassure some listeners that there are some people who are on the same page as you or maybe nudge some of nudge some people towards having an open mind on some issues. Nick, our friend, Max Mayer said something I thought was kind of insightful, which was that I'm not afraid to look stupid. To try to do the right thing and try to figure out what the right thing is to do. You know what I mean?

I'm willing to make myself look dumb. And I think that we should all be willing to make ourselves look a little stupid to try to figure out what's right and what's wrong. You know what I mean? I think people are sometimes feel too above it or don't want to make themselves look dumb or don't know what's right or what's wrong. But it's it's time to figure that out. So honestly, not hard for either of us to make ourselves look dumb.

Yeah, no shit. Anyway, that preamble said we, which we partly wanted to do because, you know, not necessarily everyone who listens to the podcast follows us on our social media. So you maybe aren't already abreast of our of our, you know, feelings on on what's going on. So, you know, that that's all that said, we did decide to put out just a fun, like silly, like light episode, just as like an escape because I personally think it's a very serious episode. I think it's one of the most important episodes we've ever recorded.

That is true. I mean, like it is ultimately it is deadly serious. This is one of our Patreon episodes we recorded in recent weeks that we decided to unlock for everyone. And hopefully this will this will be something that will maybe, you know, people who listen to this on their commutes or on their chefs or at their workouts. Hopefully this is something of an escape. The Doughboys are proud to present the scale.

Doughboys Media presents. A wall in Irma production. In association with Commissioner Susser. In association with Commissioner. In association with. In association with Commissioner Susser. I'm leaving all of this. In association with Commissioner Susser recordings.

A Doughboys double special event. The scale. Double. Welcome to the scale. I'm your host, Mike, the Spoo Man, Mitchell. And I'd like to introduce my cohost, Nick, the Burger Boy, Weigher. Hello, Nick. Hello, Mitch, excited to be here for this.

I mean, this is really a once in a lifetime event. It really is. This is something completely different for us. And, you know, scales, Nick, they they bring out a wide range of emotions, I'd say, in human beings. Happiness, sadness. You know, when we are first born, Nick, one of the first things that happens to us is that we are placed upon a scale.

And that's really the first place we're judged as human beings. Mm hmm. You're placed upon a scale. Nine pound baby, ten pound baby. That's a big baby. Everyone wants to know you have a new kid and people are like, oh, how much did they weigh? And it's just like, oh, you know, he was he was four pounds, seven ounces.

Just like, oh, he's a little guy. Or then you'll get like, oh, he was, you know, like me, I was a ten pound six ounces. Wow. Like, oh, that's a big boy. Oh, he's a big guy. Three pounds of that was your hog. Is that correct? All right. That's one of the things too.

Once you're born, you're placed upon a scale and then it's usually if it's a boy, how big is that hog? That's the follow up question you get. They immediately, immediately breaking out the tailors tape. Mine's gotten smaller. Nick, the scale can bring about accomplishments, shedding some extra pounds and hitting your goal weight. And it can cause depression.

A man needs too many extra toasty cheeseds in quarantine. And maybe he breaks the scale. Do you have any accomplishments, Nick, that you've had when you when you've hit the scale? Oh, I thought you just meant in general. And my answer would be no. But I will say that, you know, there are people who try to you and I have both tried to shed weight and had times when we've had success and times we have less success over the course of our lives, the various or various phases of of

boyhood and manhood. But I will. Yeah, I've definitely had like when I when I've been trying to lose weight and the first time you get under, I feel like the the hundo marks are like big, you know, big, big milestones. And so like if I if I will drop under, I'm trying to drop some weight now. And if I reach the point where I'm under 200, I'm going to feel like, wow, that's a big, that's a lot of progress.

It's a lot of tangible progress. But we'll see if I get there. I don't know. I will say there also, you know, there are people like that have got like a wiry body type, you think of like a Kevin Durant, who are always trying to put on muscle mass and and struggle to add weight. And some for for someone like that, for someone who's in who's in what's the term, endomorph, someone who's an endomorph. I was afraid you were going to say Xenomorph.

Yeah, I was going to say Xenomorph. No, I wasn't going that direction. I don't mean like an an acid spitting alien that is the bane of Ripley's existence. I mean, like like a naturally lean person, you might put some more weight on and then you feel like an accomplishment that you've gained weight that you've added poundage. If I found out that Kevin, you know, Kevin, did you say Kevin Durant or Garnett?

Yeah, I said Kevin Durant, but Garnett works too. If I found out that Kevin Durant was a Xenomorph, that would be a plot twist. Or if Kevin Durant, I mean, or if Kevin Garnett was one of my favorite players, if I would be torn, I'd be cheering for a Xenomorph. That would be tough. But I mean, like if you think about it, Xenomorphs go against the Predator. And we don't like the Predator.

Get the Predator out of here. Yeah. And in the alien verse Predator universe, we are kind of on the Predator side. That I feel like is, you know, he's a warrior. You got to be careful with the way I feel like mainstream entertainment presents these sorts of things to you, because it's like the things you see in like in a Marvel movie, they're like, but also like we're saying that, that like the US is good, like Captain America is good. And like all the military that's supporting him is good.

Like it's like, you know, it's the same sort of thing with these alien versus versus Predator propaganda that this is coming from the pro Predator lobby. Xenomorphs are good. Got it. Yeah. Xenomorphs are good. To get back to it, Nick, speaking of warriors, you know, before professional boxing matches, warriors step foot on the scale. That's true. And weigh themselves in. Absolutely true.

And Nick, in the battle of fast food giants, the scale also plays an important role. Today, we are going to discuss that scale. What it means to us and what it means to mankind. Mitch, this is this is momentous, and this is going to be huge. And I'm remembering now, because we're recording, we record these episodes back to back. Sometimes we just recorded a previous double last week's episode with Cody Ziggler. And before we started that episode, you said to to Zigg our guest, you said,

after this, we're recording maybe our worst double yet. And I feel like so far we're on track, Nick. And today we are going to weigh some of fast food's greatest titans. Wow, to see how they stack up. Wow. On the scale. OK, Nick. I have three stories with the scale over my life. What? What the fuck is that face?

No, I'm in host mode. OK, that's what I said. I said, like I would say, I want to see where you're going with this. When I was a skinny boy, I remember just as a child. I ate a jelly bean. First of all, I weighed myself and I weighed a certain weight. And then I ate a jelly bean and I got on the scale and I weighed one pound more. This is true. Wow. And then I got off and I ate another jelly bean

and I got back on the scale and I weighed another pound more. Now, look, could this be calibration issues? Yes. But in my mind, as a thin boy, it was great because I was putting on weight. I was a little skinny kid. Nick, I liked this. Yeah, who would have known that years later,

when I was rowing crew in college, getting under getting under 200 pounds. The day I hit the 190s was another momentous day for me, Nick. When I went down under the scale, I got under two hundreds. And so you were trying to get under 200. So you were just like, I'm going to lay off the jelly beans for a few days. Honestly, I remember it was the day that I did my first pull up ever. Wow. I truly I did my first pull up ever.

There were no jelly beans. I wasn't carrying jelly beans around with me. I wasn't a jelly bean kid or jelly bean man. I was fucking 19 or 20. That's probably 20 years old at this point. That's a weird man, the jelly bean man, the grown man who's like into super into jelly beans. That's a weird guy.

Beans, I feel like beans have really gone the way they used to be so important. Like Jack bought beans and then he buried in the backyard and jelly beans. You know, beans are they're on the way out. They're not as far as as modern snacks and and I don't know, whatever they are. And as far as what's it called in stories, the as a device.

Yes, what's the word I'm thinking of? MacGuffin. Yeah, the MacGuffin. Thank you. I should have remembered it was a UCB Herald team. You know who I blame for that? Yeah, J.K. Rowling. Wow. I think J.K. Rowling came up with those fucked up jelly beans and the Harry Potter books. Yeah, those every flavored beans that have like, you know, they have

like fucking sawdust and booger flavored beans is fucking vile and repulsive. And people are like, I don't want to think about this shit anymore. So I think it's J.K.'s fault. And then afterwards, she's like, you know, those jelly beans are actually pro Israel. What? They were. They were. Nick, Nick is laughing so hard, zoom cut his audio.

Jesus, the day I went under 200 pounds was a big moment for me. Nick, I did a pull up. I wasn't trying to get under 200 pounds, but I looked on the scale and I weighed about 196 or something. Wow, the lowest I've been in forever. Now, Nick, similarly, oh God, I can't say similarly, similarly. You know what I'm trying to say?

Relatedly. Relatedly as an adult man. Not wanting to step on the scale and see that 300 number, Nick. Yeah. And how high school I felt similar with the 200 number or maybe even middle school. But very different from a mid 2000s theater goer. You don't want to see 300. That's correct, Nick.

As opposed to an early 21st century Gerard Butler fan, you want nothing to do with 300. This is true. This is very true. I'm not looking, I'm not going to look at that. I'm not going to look at that scale. But Nick, today we have to look at the scale. We must.

And yes, did I buy a scale, a pet scale for Irma so that I can weigh her and see if her weight fluctuates? Yes, I did. And is that the scale we're using today? Yes, it is. And are you going to eat all of this food after we weigh it? Yes, you are. Nick, let's take our first sandwich to the scale.

What is our first sandwich, Mitch? Our first sandwich comes from a place you and I love. It's Wendy's, Nick. Wow. I got myself here. A Dave's single. A Dave's single, Nick, now this is supposedly supposed to have about a third pound of beef in it.

How do you feel about the Dave's single and how do you think it's going to weigh in here on the scale? This is great. This is a great exercise already. I love the Dave's single. I usually opt for the Dave's double, but the single is well composed. It's a great burger. You know, the thing you have to remember

is that the whatever the poundage is, is precooked weight. So it's going to it's going to lose a little bit of water when it's on that flat top grill. However, that is countered by your bun, your produce, your condiments, your cheese, all that stuff is going on there. So as to whether or not it will exceed a third of a pound, it's this is this is going to be a fascinating to see what our baseline is. Yes, this is the baseline, Nick. I don't know if I should have you weigh in on a prediction here

and Emma, you as well. I'm going to say here's how I think we should we should do this, Mitch. And this is this is just my pitch. You do you feel free to steer it however you like. I think that we could say that, OK, this is this is presented as a third pound burger and Emma and I can choose the over or the under. I like it. I and I am going to say this is over one third pound.

I'll take the under that Emma is taking under is going with the under. Nick, there's only one way to be sure. We have to take it to the scale. I'm unwrapping the sandwich here. Wow. The sandwich is being unwrapped. A delicious Dave single is being pulled out of its wrapper. Nick, this is a delicious sandwich.

It's taking all of my willpower to not take a bite of it. It looks very toothless on camera. Should we wait before like this and then you can take a bite and we'll wait again and we'll see how much your bite weighed. Emma, Emma, please don't go ruining my jokes that I have. Sorry, I'll wait. The sandwich has been unwrapped.

This is Nick. It's a delicious sandwich. Like I said, it's it's taking all my willpower to not take a bite of it. But today it's about the scale, not the taste, Nick. It's about the scale. The scale is on. I'm about to place the Dave single onto the scale. Calculating, it's calculating.

Is that the scaler? I have a number. Uh-huh. I'm calculating the scale also has a number. Got it. Nick, what do you think this thing weighs in? Well, I already picked the over a third pound is going to be what? Point three, three, three, repeating.

So I am going to say this weighs. I'm going to say this weighs point three, seven, five pounds. Wow. Wow. Emma, you were incorrect in saying that it would come in under under. Wow. Nick, you were correct in saying it will come in over. It weighs point four pounds.

Wow. Point four pounds. OK. Point one nine kilograms. Wow. OK, I'm learning in seven ounces. Wow, it's a very thorough scale. Wait, you're mixing kilograms and ounces. Now I'm confused. Do I not really?

What is the OZ stands for ounces, right? Yeah. Yes. Look, let's just leave the metric system out of this. Yeah, we'll just ditch the kilograms. We're going to go by pounds. We'll go. We'll just go by pounds. Yeah, we can throw it ounces.

We don't need to worry about kilograms. Point four pounds, Nick. Point four pounds. Wow. And now, Nick, I know that I said that. It's taking everything in my willpower to not take a bite. But in the name of science, should I take a bite of this Dave single and see how much it weighs after a bite?

Yes, Mitch, I think you should. Definitely. Mitch is holding it with two hands. One bite. He took a meaty chomp. That is just a classic chomp. Just you can see the bite marks on there. It's like a shark had a bite of a surfboard.

Might as well take a picture of that, making a Wendy's advertisement. On the scale that's covered in cat hair. You just put a burger on a cat air covered scale and then bit it. That's right. We didn't have enough time for me to wipe this down. Nick. The scale is now reading

point three pounds, point three pounds. Wow, you took a full point one pound bite. That's right. I guess the ounces make sense. Seven ounces about point four pounds. Because if we're talking what there's 16 ounces, 16 ounces in a pound. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, OK, that that about tracks. Wait, so does that mean four bites and there'd be no burger left?

I think yeah, I think Mitch could take that down in four bites pretty easily. I will say this, that it was it was going in between. It was flickering back and forth between three and point three and point four pounds. So it was like a high point three. Wow, Nick. Wow, that was already this is already off to a thrilling start. Yeah, this is this is riveting. I don't know if I can handle it.

Next, we're going to weigh one of your favorites. We're taking Del Taco to the scale. Nick. One of your favorite treats from Del Taco. Is the bean and cheese burrito? Yes, billed as a half pound. The half pound bean and cheese burrito on the menu.

Billed as a half pound bean and cheese burrito. Will it come in at its advertised weight of half a pound? I have one question before we lock in our we lock in our answers. Yes, did you get red sauce or green sauce? Nick, I got green sauce, probably the heavier sauce. Yeah, OK. That makes me think. I think this one, I'm going to take the over again.

Wow, the over. OK, Emma, what do you think? Emma, I also think the over the over. Wow. So again, you know, usually this is pre-cooked weight, but with since it's beans, how much water were these? Yeah, we're these leaching in the in the cooking process and it's got that big tortilla wrapped around it and not to mention green sauce,

the heavier sauce and we're going to find out how and how and cheese. Well, you're going to find out just how much this bad boy weighs. Nick, yes, I'm taking it to the scale. Mitch is unwrapping it. I'm unwrapping the bean and cheese burrito. It is now out of its wrapper. And to be clear, when he says he's unwrapping it, it's out of its wrapper. He does not refer to the tortilla.

He's talking about the paper is wrapping around the tortilla. I'm not putting loose beans and cheese on to the scale. I'm putting the wrapped burrito on to the scale. It slides it down. It has now been placed upon the scale. Wow. Nick, yes, Emma, the scale is calculating. Amazing. It's actually instant. The results are in. Wow.

Nick and Emma, you are both incorrect. The half bound bean and cheese burrito comes in at point four pounds. Nick, point four pounds again. Wow. Wow. This is a yeah, this is I am I feel like I am Del Taco is falling in esteem in my eyes. Wow. This is this is fraudulent. They're advertising a half bound bean and cheese burrito.

It's not even hitting that mark. Should sue for science's sake. I'm going to add two mild sauce packets on to the burrito. OK, in within their packet. OK, so this is going to add a good amount of weight. I think this is going to definitely take it over point. I take it to the point five line. All right, Mitch is putting the burrito back on the scale is calculating.

Calculating, calculating. Nick. There has been no change in weight. Wow. Damn, OK. Wow. If you take them off, there's a change of point zero two kilograms. Wow. So those things are pretty insubstantial. So so far I've I'm one for two. Emma's O for two.

I'm taking my notes on my twenty twenty census form, which was the only piece of paper I had nearby. And I obviously have not filled it out. So for the census year, you've filled out that two burritos live in your house. Yeah, that there is a there's a Dave single and a half pound bean and cheese burrito. And on a mark, the half pound bean and cheese burritos had a household just for the government's purposes. Now, Nick, yes, for science's sake,

should I take a bite of this half bound bean and cheese burrito? You know, Mitch, under normal circumstances, I'd say no. But for science's sake, I think you should. I think you have to. You're incorrect. I think I should take two bites of this. Wow. Because as we all know, the first bite of a bean and cheese burrito is basically just

that tortilla and yes. Yeah, it's like just it's like starting with a crust of a pizza slice, which I used to do, actually. I there was a time when I was just like, you know, a crust is my least favorite part of pizza. So I'm going to nibble on the crust first. I would do the same thing. Get the worst part out of the way first and then have the best part last.

Yeah. Nick, yes. My will is strong and I resisted all these snacks. But for the sake of science, I'm now taking my second bite. Wow. Two bites down on the burrito. Two hefty chomps, Mitch, is placing this now on the scale. So it was point four before.

It was point four before. I feel like this is going to go down to it's like point two five. Nick, yes. Oh, I'm on ounces. I was about to say it went up. Nick, yes. It's now point three pounds.

Wow. Wow. All right. So Mitch bite is roughly point one pounds. Point one pounds is the average Mitch chomp. Although there he took two. I guess he took two smaller chomps there versus the one heftier chomp in that in that Wendy's Dave single. Yeah.

How is that bite force compared to a great white shark? Is it similar? I would assume similar. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if you could if you could bite through like a, you know, like a tugboat. Maybe you could try. Yeah, you could definitely try.

All right, Mitch, what's next? Nick. Next, we're going to the king himself. Wow, we're taking Burger King to the scale. And now Nick and Emma, this one will be a little bit different. OK. I have in front of me

a whopper. Wow. And I also have an impossible whopper. Wow. Wow. Do they have cheese? They both have cheese. Which one of these sandwiches is going to tip the scale?

Tip the scale, you mean which one is going to weigh more? That's right. OK, I am going to say I think it's a little bit denser and more processed. So that's my reasoning for choosing the impossible whopper. I am going to lock in impossible as way more. Erdbrink, what do you think? I'm torn because I'm trying to remember what impossible meat is made out of.

But I think I agree with Nick. I feel like it's more processed. It's like veggies and stuff. It's probably heavier. Wow. So I say impossible. Wow, we're on the same page here. Let's see what the scale says. Which one are you weighing first, Mitch?

I'm going to weigh the impossible whopper first. OK, we will have we will establish a baseline with the impossible and then see if the conventional whopper exceeds it. That's more fun, right? That way, if you both choose the impossible. Yeah, that's yeah, that's more fun. Man, you got me craving a whopper. Yeah, I haven't had any Burger King in this whole quarantine.

Now I fucking want some Burger King. I've been craving a burger for like a week. I might have to go do it. Nick, yeah, because of that, for science sake and because you are missing out on the whopper, I will take a bite of each of these whoppers at the end of this exercise. In solidarity with you. I'm unwrapping the impossible whopper.

Wow. I'm placing the impossible whopper on the scale. Calculating, calculating, calculating, calculating, the impossible whopper weighs in, Nick. At a full half pound. Wow, so the impossible is established at point five pounds. That is a hefty burger.

That is a hefty burger. And you are going to save your bites until after you weigh both. That's correct. I'm now opening the conventional whopper. The beef whopper, if you will. The beef whopper, you know, for a long time, you didn't have this desiccated, you just said whopper. People knew what you meant.

Now you got to say if it's a beef whopper or an impossible possible whopper. And if you say you got a beef whopper or you got an impossible whopper, people will think you're telling a whopper. Nick, hello. Yeah. Oh, fucking God. I just got a warning that your internet connection is unstable. I don't know if that's referring to me or what.

I did do it. I got the same morning. It's probably Nick, it's probably because the scale is causing chaos. It's probably what's going on. That it's doing so many calculations that it's messing up your Wi-Fi. All right, here we go. I have the dense whopper here.

I'm about to place it on the scale. I admit just weighing the beef whopper. I should note that this bun appears to have sesame seeds. It does, which you should take into consideration. Is this a fully seeded bun or is this one where some seeds fell off? This is a fully seeded bun, Nick. I made sure every sesame seed is on top of this bun. But it's a thing to taking into consideration.

Wow, that's because each of those sesame seeds weighs up, Nick. Yes, Nick. Mitch has placed it on the scale. Calculating, calculating. Wow. The results are in, Nick. For the first time ever in scale history.

Yes, it's a tie. It's a tie. What? That means Emma and I both strike out again. Yes, damn. They're both exactly 0.5 pounds. That is great, just great quality control by Wendy, by Burger King, rather. Nick, I think that we have to change the unit of measurement to figure out a final answer. Wow, you're going to go to ounces.

Oh, yeah, go a little bit smaller. I'm going to go to ounces. Here we go. We're going to add a significant figure here. Hopefully get a little bit more granularity on which weighs more. So, Mitch, I think you can weigh them in sequence, weigh the impossible and the beef, and then we'll just see which one is the winner. OK, here we go.

The impossible burger is being placed on the scale. Wow. Nick. Yes. The results are in. Wow. The impossible whopper weighs 8.5 ounces.

Wow. So that is a little over 0.5 pounds. So we're going to find out if the if the beef one is also a little over 0.5 pounds and it's around that scales rounding down. All right, here we go. The original whopper is going on to the scale. I'm taking notes on my senses for Nick. Yes, the original whopper weighs

8.5 ounces. Wow. We still have a tie. This is unbelievable. I can't believe it, Nick. Unreal. Just an incredible moment here on the scale. I mean, that's that's why that's why you go to the scale.

That's why you weigh things for moments like this. Just in just unreal. There's only one way to solve this tiebreaker, Nick. I think I know what it is, but please continue. It's with a bite from each sandwich and then a re-way. Wow. Wow. Yes.

Mitch is going to take a bite from the impossible sandwich and then take a bite from the beef whopper and then he will re-way them. Now, Mitch, I know that you are a precision nibbler. You are going to take exactly equivalent bites. So this will this will ultimately this will, I would say, objectively determine which one weighs more. This is probably the most scientific way to do this. Because if one man knows how to eat, it's you.

Nick, I've taken two big bites. Equally big. OK. I'm now placing the impossible whopper back from the scale. Wow. The impossible whopper. Ways point five pounds, Nick. Wow, no movement.

Didn't even affect its weight. Wow. What about the ounces? Did it affect the ounces? Now, the regular whopper. Emma, we don't need to check the ounces. OK. All right, Mitch is saying we don't need to check the ounces.

We don't need to check the ounces, Nick. Because the regular whopper comes in at point four pounds, Nick. Wow. Wow. The impossible whopper weighs more. That means that Emma and I were both correct. We both called this one right.

It took us a long time to get there. It was a long and winding road. But ultimately, we ended up coming out on top. The impossible whopper weighs more scientifically than the conventional whopper, as measured on a the most scientific instrument of all, a CAT scale. All right, Mitch, what do we have next? Nick, you know what's really weird about that is that I secretly did

kilograms while you guys weren't paying attention. Uh-huh. And the regular whopper weighed point zero one more kilograms than the impossible whopper. But we're not going to listen to that British science. You can't trust the goddamn metric system. It's a fucking fraud. We don't need that shit.

We don't need your kilometers. Oh, how many kilometers is it to the lavatory? Shut the fuck up. It's it's 25 kilometers, isn't it? Oh, oh, the lift. The lift is just 500 meters that way. Oh, I'm Ricky Gervais. Give me a fucking break.

You know, there's an abbey up there up on the left about 25 kilometers to the left. But I won't go into that abbey. I don't believe in church, mate. There is no God, mate. I got a few things here, Nick. Wow. First off, we're going to take

two classics to the scale. One, a diet Pepsi big slam. Wow. And two, a USDA choice beef rib steak bone ribeye steak, Nick. Wow. We're going to keep both of them in their in their packaging, Nick. Which one is going to weigh more?

The ribeye steak or the big slam Pepsi? This is a Jeff Probst style twist in the game. That's right, where now the rules are the rules are changing. And we're asked to weigh one item versus another that aren't even of the same category, we're wearing a Pepsi versus a ribeye steak. That's right. Boy, Mitch, this is tricky. You're saying it's a Pepsi big slam.

If memory serves, that's a leader of Pepsi. That's right. And we're asking, does the leader of Pepsi weigh more than this ribeye steak in packaging? I am going to pick the Pepsi big slam. Emma, what do you think? I think I also agree with that because I feel like liquid is heavier than steak. Wow, we are both going with Pepsi, with the logic that liquid is heavier than steak. Wow.

But will that famous axiom prove true? We're going to find out. Mitch, what are you weighing first? First, I'm going to put the steak on the scale. Mitch is weighing the steak. Calculating, calculating. Seems like tasty steak. Whoa, don't over cook it, my boy.

Wow, the scale. The scale knows. Calculating, calculating. Scale's got a personality. That's interesting. Nick, the steak weighs exactly one pound unreal. Wow, one pound of hot beef.

That is our baseline. A bachelor's dinner, a ribeye steak and a big slam diet Pepsi. Man, that's a Tom Hanks and big style dinner. Let's see how that Pepsi. Now I'm skeptical about our choice. I feel like this Pepsi is going to be hard pressed to come in and over a pound, but we're going to find out. The diet Pepsi is being placed on the scale.

Do you think a diet Pepsi would weigh differently than a regular Pepsi? Wow, great. You know, great question. I should have gotten one of each. That's a great question. That's a great question. I thought I was I picked Pepsi thinking it was a conventional Pepsi. I did, too.

Knowing that it's a diet Pepsi. Yeah, I think it I think it might actually be a little bit lighter. We're going to find out. All right, all right, Mitch, what does the scale say? Calculating. That's what it says. Calculating. Mitch, what is it like to feel?

Quite scale. Wow. Wow. It's getting interesting over there. Well, the scale sometimes has different voices. Like it's not the same voice every time. Weigur, what is it like to feel never mind? Results in. Well, the results are in.

Wow. The big slam diet Pepsi weighs in at 1.8 pounds, Nick. Wow. Pepsi is the winner. Almost two pounds of sweet drink. Almost two full pounds. Think about that when you're chugging out a big slam next time. Boy, all that all that fizz, all that artificially

sugared, artificially flavored, sweetened fizz. Two pounds, you're pouring down your gullet. That's a lot, Nick. Yes. Next, I have a classic dessert from Sara Lee. The score so far is is three to Wow. Weigur over Emma. All right, you've got a Sara Lee dessert.

What do you have exactly? I have a Sara Lee dessert. Family sized, all butter pound cake. Wow. Now, Nick. Yes. And Emma. Will this pound cake come in at its advertised weight of one pound? This is a tricky one.

And my immediate reaction is to say over. And then when I think about it for a second, this is a light, fluffy and delicious cake. And you know what? I'm doubting myself as I say it, but I'm going to pick the under. I think this is going to weigh under one pound. You know, I was just grappling with it myself because it's

does a pound cake mean it weighs a pound or is that just the type of cake? Or is that how much it cost in an old London town? Right, like it cost a pound. Wow. Oi, Govna, a pound for this cake. My shop's only 10 meters away. God, fuck you. I'll take the over just to keep it fresh.

Wow, Emma is taking the over. We will have a different outcome in terms of who gets points from this from this one. Wow. All right, Mitch, go ahead and put that pound cake on that scale. The pound cake is being placed on the scale. Calculating. Calculating. Hmm.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Calculating. Calculating. Mitch, are you going to eat this all yourself? Laugh, cry, emoji. Wow, it says emojis out loud. Nick, that does seem like a robot's way of speaking. Like that an AI would think that you just say an emoji allowed

as if it's a normal part of speech, because what would they know? Nick, the results are in. And a new slogan for Sara Lee. Nobody lies like Sara Lee. The pound cake weighs 0.6 pounds. Wow, wow, the under is correct. Wow, I really thought it was going to be over. I really thought this thing was going to weigh.

This was going to be like a fucking give a give the Pepsi a run for its money and be close to two. But it's 0.6. I thought it was going to be closer to a pound, at least. That's pretty far off 0.4 pounds. Damn, yeah, 0.6 is poultry. I think I as well, I thought this was going to be a I thought this was going to be a little bit more substantial.

And look, there's no reason for me to take a bite of this. But I believe that I should just because I want to take a bite of it for science. Wow. No, there's no longer a science factor here. It's just that my will has been broken and I want to take a bite. Man, everything you were talking about eating and I had like a lighter lunch. I am getting so hungry. I'm starving as we're doing this. And I want to go get like a fucking

just a big bucket of fried chicken or something after this. I'm just fucking starving. I have a chocolate croissant downstairs from Porto's. I'm definitely going to go eat it after this. Wow, I'm envious. Let me tell you this, Nick. Sara Lee from the Grocer's Freezer pound cake is delicious. Yeah, that's a good that's a good pound cake.

I'm an Entenmann's man, but Sara Lee does a good does a good job. I've taken a second bite. Two bites for the Spoon Man. No change on the scale. Wow. Wow. No change. You didn't have to cook that or anything, did you? We're going to find out. No, you're fine.

I was reading actually that you know that that they have those warnings. If you buy prepackaged cookie dough, not to eat it raw. Yeah, that's not actually because of the eggs, because the salmonella risk from eggs is pretty low. It's from the flour. Wow, because a lot of flour is really uncooked flour is, you know, and not necessarily well handled and sterile. So you can you can get some sort of infection or some sort of pathogen

that's carried in the in the flour before it's been cooked up. Interesting. I did not know that. I found it fascinating. All right, Mitch, it sounds like you're wrestling at something else. I'm not exactly sure what it is because I can't see on camera right now. Due to your internet connection. What do you got? What do you got for us?

It's not my internet connection. I'm on my phone. It's something. Look, something's going wrong. But this is this is our best episode of all time and the internet's going to fuck with us. You know what I mean, Nick? Don't take it personally. I wasn't attacking you. I'm just saying the internet's wonky.

It is the government. They're governments upset that we're exploring the truth, that we're finding out what's really behind the deceptive marketing that all these chains are using. Talk about how heavy their food items are. Yeah. Nick, Emma. Yes.

We're on to the king of fast food. Wow, McDonald's. Wow. I have a Big Mac sandwich. Wow, Nick, Emma, will this come in over or under point five pounds? Wow, we're asking if a Big Mac, which doesn't even advertise its poundage, if that will be under point five pounds,

I am going to be I feel like I'm pretty confident in saying that the Big Mac is under half a pound. I'm going to pick the under here. What do you think, Emma? I'm trying to remember a Big Mac thinking all the way back to Munch Madness. Yes. I think I can I say I think it's going to be at point five pounds.

Wow, I think you absolutely can. OK, I'm taking the push there. You're going you're going point five on the dot. All right, Mitch, what do you think, Nick? Yes, I'm taking the Big Mac to the scale. The Big Mac is being moved to the scale. It has now been placed on the scale. The Big Mac has been placed on the scale.

Wow. Calculating, calculating. Hmm, I'm loving it. Calculating. Calculating, calculating. Roy Kroc burns in hell. Wow, his name is Ray. God damn it.

It's interesting how the the scale changes voices midway through its calculations and then kind of just doesn't doesn't alt. It just has a different pitch. It's interesting. Nick, yes. I want to give Emma points here. Was it right? Well, technically, Weigar is right.

It weighs in at point four pounds. Wow, OK. Wow, came awfully close. I'm going to give Emma the win there because I think she came closer. What's the ounce? I'm curious. Um, it weighs five point five ounces. OK, wow, so that is right. That is that is very, very close to half a pound. Mm hmm.

All right, Mitch. Nick, yes. For science's sake, of course, I'm going to take a bite out of this old, cold Big Mac. I mean, I think you have to. It's for science. Mitch is taking a bite of the old, cold Big Mac. Ow.

The Big Mac's talking now. I guess the Big Mac's talking. Nick. Yes. The Big Mac now weighs point three pounds. Wow. Wow. Substantial chomp from the Spoon Man. Spoon Man bite continues to be point one pounds.

It's a very consistent bite. You know, the man knows how to eat. Yeah. All right, Nick. Yes, to our last two in this thrilling episode. Two more items remaining on the scale. Nick. Yes. This one is advertised.

As being a quarter pound of beef. We have the quarter pounder here. Wow. Wow. How much will the quarter pounder weigh? Two questions here, Nick. OK. Will it weigh more or less than the Big Mac? That's question one.

OK. Question two. Will it weigh more or less than a quarter pound? Wow. You know, based on the Big Mac weight more than I anticipated. Yeah. And I think I'm attributing some of it to that second patty and that third bun. And I know that the quarter pound patty is more

substantial than either of the Big Mac patties, but I'm not sure if it's going to be that much more substantial. I'm going to take the under on weighing more than a Big Mac and say it weighs less than a Big Mac and I'm going to say it weighs more than a quarter pound. That's exactly what I was going to say. Wow. Mitch, what is the answer? The quarter pounder has been placed on the scale.

The quarter pounder has been placed on the scale. Calculating. Calculating. No funny quip found. Boy, it seems like an A.I. failure there. It's whoever is populating that spreadsheet of quips just didn't just ruin a couple and called it a day. Nick, the results are in.

Wow. When it comes to weighing a quarter pound, you and Emma both got it. Wow. It weighs over a quarter pound. Wow. Over a quarter pound. Wow.

This is incredible stuff. This is just. It's riveting. It's more than a quarter pound and less than a Big Mac. I'm just I would I before we began this exercise, I never would have thought that a quarter pounder weighs less than a Big Mac. But having gone through it, it makes sense. Well, Nick, I just said that it weighs more than a quarter pound.

Oh, my goodness. A quarter pound is point two five pounds, correct? Yes. Yes. But you said we were both right. So I assumed that we were right about the Big Mac. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Nick. When it comes to weighing less than the Big Mac, you are both incorrect.

Wow, we are both right and wrong. It weighs the same as the Big Mac. It weighs the same. Impressive. That's right. Here's what I'm going to wonder. Will it still weigh the same after you take a Spoon Man bite?

That's a great question, Nick. And though I'm tempted to take a bite of it. I will. Wow. Thank you for your sacrifices, Nick. Yes. The quarter pounder weighs five point five ounces. Wow.

That's the same as that's the same as the the Big Mac, isn't it? Exact same way. Now for a bite. Wow, this is incredible. The Spoon Man is taking a bite of the quarter pounder with cheese. Eating. Hey, what's the big idea, buddy? Got an attitude.

Nick, I'm now placing the quarter pounder back on the scale. Even though that's quarter pounder is about an hour and a half old, it's still pretty tasty. The quarter pounder. Yeah, the quarter pounder with cheese now weighs point three pounds, Nick. My bites have been consistent.

Wow, throughout the scale. Wow, wow. This is maybe the most impressive part of this whole thing is that that how the consistency of Mitchell's bites. I was just thinking that. So I guess that brings us to Nick. The final the final item that we will be weighing here on on Mitch's cat scale. And what do we have in front of us?

The final item, of course, is a double quarter pounder with cheese. Wow, a double quarter pounder with cheese. Now, one might intuit that two X a quarter pounder equals a half pound. I mean, that's a completely reasonable thing to think. But will that actually be the case? We're going to find out right now.

Nick, yes, my questions to you. Will this way over or under half a pound? I say over and to that, Nick. Yes. The second question. Will it weigh double what the single quarter pounder weighed? Wow. Well, we do know that the quarter pounder already weighed more than a half pound.

Yes. No, it wasn't it wasn't more than a half pound. It was point four point four pounds. Oh, OK. I thought it was point five, five pounds. OK, those five point five ounces, five point five ounces. That's where I was confused. OK, I am going to say the double quarter pounder. I'm going to say it does not weigh more than a half pound. Wow. And I'm also going to say it does not weigh more.

It does not weigh two times the quarter pounder. I'm going to say no on both. I definitely don't think it weighs two times the quarter pounder, but I think it weighs about a half a pound. Wow. Wow. So we are split here. We're going to find out the quarter pounder was point four. I'll take over on over a half pound.

Wow. Emma is taking the over. I am taking the under. And we're both saying no, that this is not way to X a quarter pounder. Nick, there's only one way to figure this out. I have to take this double quarter pounder to the scale. Mitch is placing the double quarter pounder with cheese on the scale. Now, we did not clarify that these were with cheese or not. But they must be.

They are both with cheese. They are both with cheese. OK. Either as long as it's consistent is playing field. Yeah, it's even playing field. Yeah. Although that is a second slice of cheese on the double quarter pounder. Am I correct? That's correct. Wow. Good point. Wow. This is going to be this is this is going to be huge.

We're going to find out exactly what happens when this final item is placed on the scale. Calculating calculating calculating. No, I'm calculating. No, I'm calculating back off. I'm calculating. You're always trying to calculate what I want to calculate. This isn't the worst double ever.

Has Koalic ever been on an episode of the double scale? Calculating. This is still not as bad as the Star Wars auction with Joe Saunders. Calculating. The scale has calculated. Wow. There there is a result. You are both correct that it does not weigh two quarter pounders.

Wow. When it comes to weighing half a pound or over or under half a pound, it comes in exactly at point five pounds, Nick. The double quarter pounder is exactly as advertised. Wow. That's impressive.

So I think that one goes to Emma, which means in this battle of wits in terms of what weighs what, we have tied. Wow. Emma Ertbrink and Nick Weicker come out. Now, I was ahead by one, but I think this knots it up. So here we are. Unless the notes that I've taken on my

census form are somehow inaccurate. No, as long as the burrito is still the head of household, we're good. Nick, I don't want to do this because I'm so stuffed and I just can't bring myself to do it. But for the sake of a tiebreaker, I will take one last final bite. Wow. And you and Emma can bet on whether it will be

point one pounds worth of a bite or not. Wow. I mean, given, given your track record, I think we probably agree that it will be. Well, I think Emma's going to say that she thinks it will be. But I am going to say I think you're going to choke on this last one. And I mean, literally choke. God forbid.

And if you do literally choke, you can give yourself the Heimlich with the chair. Or maybe you're just going to watch me fucking die. Here, I'll turn on the video so you can watch me die. I live a few blocks away. I'll start running. No, I don't I don't think you're going to. I think you're going to choke in terms of you're going to you're going to take an inconsistent bite.

I think you're a little worn out and a little woozy at this point. I think you're you're a little fatigued. And I think this bite is maybe not going to be quite on par with your previous ones, but we're going to find out. Here we go. I'm taking a bite. Let me down. The Spoon Man is taking a bite of the double quarter pounder.

I want a burger so badly right now. Hey, next time you're going to take a bite out of me, buy me dinner first. Well, weird personality from the double quarter pounder. All right, Mitch, you're placing the burger on the scale now, the Bitten burger. I've now swallowed the bite. Wow, the bite has been swallowed. The bite is now turning into shit in my stomach. What a party you got going on in your stomach right now.

Your intestinal tract is just it's just madness. Nick, it's all for the scale. All right, Mitch, you are weighing you're weighing the the Bitten double quarter pounder as we as we listen. Calculating. Calculating. You guys are clearly out of ideas. Shut up, scale.

Do your job. This was years in the making. We put a lot of thought into this. Nick, Mitch, I'm curious. What is it? What is the verdict? Who's right? Who's wrong? Who comes out on top? I thought you were going to do one last calculating. Oh, shit.

Calculating, calculating. They should bring back Mac tonight for something. That guy was fun. You just kind of disappeared. We all like Mac tonight. I want to lie and say that Emma Erdbrink has won the first ever episode of The Scale.

But that would be a lie. But Nick, the scale don't lie. I blew it on my last bite. Wow. Point five pounds. Wow. Well, there you have it. There it is.

I didn't I couldn't pull it off. You know, if there's an opportunity to doubt you in the clutch, I will take it every time and it worked out nicely for me. But Emma, you are a worthy, worthy adversary, and this was this was quite a thrilling competition. Good game. Yeah, good game. GG all around. Nick, you are the first ever winner of The Scale. Wow. Now, by first ever, I think maybe our listeners are perhaps concerned that

we're going to do this again. Surely, surely you'll me. Yeah, I have news. You are the last ever winner of The Scale. Wow, retiring on top. This is this is amazing. I'm like MJ in in 98. Quite I feel I feel great.

I'm walking on clouds. Wow, this this is great. Now, you know, I'm wondering, Mitch, I hope you take some precautions and I hope you Windex the scale before you weigh Wally or Irma so they don't just slip around cartoonishly in burger grease. Should I weigh Irma and you can guess an over and under on her? Oh, that's adorable.

Hell yeah, sure. But I don't want to do that another time. Yeah, that would be the scale part to that's next week's double. Yeah, yeah, next week next week's double. We just weigh the cats for an hour. We're frantically trying to figure out ideas. Yeah, we'll weigh the cats and then we'll weigh your hog. Calculating, calculating,

could not read any weight. Calculating, please put something on scale. Calculating. Nick, yes, as your host, Mike, the Spoon Man, Mitchell, I'd like to thank our guests, Emma Erdbrink and Nick, the Burger Boy, Weigher. Wow, what an honor to be here. What a thrill to be a part of this.

Yeah, truly honored. Thank you, everyone, for tuning into the scale. Also, we're disabling unsubscribe on Patreon, so we can't cancel. Bye. To split a donation to support orgs fighting against racism and police brutality, go to secure.actblue.com slash donate slash ab underscore mn. That's secure.actblue.com slash donate slash ab underscore mn. Or check the link on our social media.