Doughboys - Whataburger with Jon Gabrus (LIVE)

Episode Date: January 25, 2018

On the final stop of the Doughboys’ Texas tour, Mitch, Wiger, and guest Jon Gabrus (Raised by TV, High & Mighty) pay a visit to iconic local burger chain Whataburger. Recorded live at the Texas Theater in Dallas.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I I Everything's bigger in Texas But Texas isn't actually the biggest of the US states comes in second to Alaska, which has more than double its land area And in population Texas also ranks second To that left-coast liberal enclave, California But while the differing state-level politics of these two territories practically puts them on different planets, they overall have more commonalities than contrasts Both the economic powerhouses represent the top two economies in the us and two of the three biggest agricultural producers in the nation

Both have three of the ten biggest cities in america and both are the home state of three us presidents Both have historically elite nfl franchises that have each won five super bowls the san francisco 49ers and the dallas cowboys And unique among states both were briefly independent nations before joining the us in the california republic and the texas republic And there's another point of unity for these geographically sprawling culturally diverse realms in each border of mexico and the ocean the cheeseburger Both states are home to beloved regional burger chains that inspire fierce loyalty and locals and wary skepticism from outsiders

In 1948 in the inland socal city of Baldwin park, california harry and esther snider opened their drive-in restaurant in and out burger And in 1950 in the coastal south texas town of corpus christi harman dobson and paul burton opened their quick service and a customer But these burger-based businesses took different paths in the town And While in and out is resistant franchising the texas chain has embraced the industry standard practice now as 25 franchises expanding their brand Around the south and southwest while in and out is remaining laser focused in the simple line of a burger shakes and fries

It's texas counterparks that raise the typically sprawling menu of a modern fast food chain Operating chicken sandwiches and cutty melts in a full array of breakfast operas And while everything may not be bigger in texas in this case it is While in and out burger has 326 locations texas is burger icon as 805 This week on doe boys Welcome to doe boys live. How you doing out there dallas? Yes My name is nick weigher and before we go any further this week's roast is courtesy of atman of snack shin

Let me introduce my co-host Troy cakeman The spoon man mike Oh Does this one work jesus only i can do the what's up dallas? Oh boy Mitch this is the third show on our texas swing it is i feel terrible I would characterize myself as barely alive

Nick is if you haven't heard nick coughing already He's been coughing the entire tour right and was sick three weeks before the tour started. Yeah, I had like a cold that turned into a lingering Uh, we got like this reverb effect on the pa that's like messing with my mind I I couldn't hear your insults. I was backstage. It sounded like you were on the other side It sounded like you had finally died and we're on the other side But uh, yeah, we like I so I've got this I've got this lingering cough that I've had for three weeks and that's compounded by the fact that You and I have just been eating garbage and driving that's been our entire existence

That's all we've done 72 hours eat sit down for three to four hours and drive. Yeah, it's terrible It really is and you know, you and I both welcome the prospect of death But yes true I don't think we want to Like eat ourselves Into the great beyonds, right? I don't know We may differ there Yeah, I don't know about this not this way not with you. I don't want to do it with you

With a little with a loved one if I ate a sandwich with a loved one till I died that sounds nice. Yeah, that'd be fantastic Hey, I got my ray cup Very cool Ray You can't even pretend to like ray Um, hey, you know what? Yeah, I'm just happy. We're out of that shit hole Houston Birthplace birthplace of Matt koalek. Oh boy. They should burn that place to the ground What a cheap pop you just went for oh what? I'm a Dallas boy, baby after you

After we had a wonderful time there. Oh fuck that place I Think you said this is the peak of the tour No, it was here when we got out of the car and there was a switchblade on the ground Right True story. They realized we parked in front of our airbnb. There was a stray switchblade. I suspect it's a freddy finger You think it's a you think freddy's walking around with one finger missing? Yeah freddy lost a finger He was trying to kill somebody you guys hang out at the same spots. Anyways, you'll probably run into him

Um, what is that? You mean like I I also haunt the dreams of children Implying in some sort of specter. That's right. Hey, you know mitch Little bit of history. We're at the texas theater. I love my venue. I really like this spot Apparently and I imagine the people here the people in this building know this but maybe our listeners don't this is the spot Where a ledge jfk assassin lee harvey oswald was apprehended After carrying out the deed and now you're here So so far you've compared me to a movie monster and history's most famous assassin That's right. All right. I don't know. I know you think he's innocent anyways, but um

Well, you mitch you were telling me an interesting conspiracy theory. You think that kennedy survived I was surprised. I think he's alive Um I just want to say a special Dispoo nation He's solid God damn it weigher That's dang weigher

Oh boy All right, holy it's santa season. It is santa santa. Can anyone hear that? Santa's signature laugh Is that at all audible or is it just terrible when no one's laughing it was indiscernible to me Yeah, I mean get used to no one laughing. Yeah, it's gonna be a running game It will be the rest of the show And also it's not a funny drop. I thought it was a nice holiday theme. It's the holiday season I like the roasting on an open fire. I don't like this pejorative hot salad roasting on an open fire

But I think uh, I think that was a nice drop overall. Yeah, are you excited for the holidays nick? Oh my god Do you see family at all during the holidays? I see I will definitely be seeing my wife Oh my god Wow, that's so nice of you. We're gonna know we'll see family We'll probably I'll probably see the in-laws on christmas day and then we'll hang out with my side of the family shortly thereafter And you're you you're going for your annual, uh, Quincy sabbatical. That's right. I think you're gonna be there from december 1st to february 28th

Like a quarter of the year It keeps me me man. It gives me my wacky personality I'm gonna recharge. You know what I mean? So we're doing like double shows That aren't gonna the people are gonna tell that they're older Because because we're doing them a month in advance. Wait, are you talking about these shows? No, the shows that we really we've record. We've we've we've been doing double shows We've been recording to get on top. Are you referring to our weekly bonus episode the double is double? Yes But you're saying that we're doing we always. Oh, fuck it. You can't even understand what i'm saying

You mean we're recording in advance. Yes. We're doing extra record. Yes. Yes. They're gonna be dated They're gonna be bad. Take the month off of january. It's gonna be bad You're just telling people don't listen don't listen to the podcast for january cancel your patreon for january And don't listen Actually, you should he's gonna need the money for whatever the hell's happening to him, right? It's either going from the patreon or a go fund me. I'll have to set up for what For the case of zero donations and your go fund me. Oh, man Wait, we should bring out

No, yeah, hell, yeah, we should bring out our guests bring out our guests A good friend of the show The winner of the nugget tower hour from comedy bang bang and a host of the podcast high and mighty the great Through block island sound Jesus christ here. Okay, so Look this we can we can explain what happens We went we got to our airbnb tonight And all of a sudden there was Mitch found a switchblade

It's a steak knife. Mitch just only eats takeout. So he has no idea I Think it was a frity finger And we got a little knock on our door and our neighbor we we have neighbors. Do you want to give him our address? I don't know what nick is in charge of that stuff Um, and our neighbors came over and they were like, hey just so you know, you can probably tell this better You dealt with them. Yeah, I mean I could tell almost anything you're gonna say better We can't defer to me the whole time. You're the spoon, man

I don't why I put it in quotes. It's my real name It's the only one of your names that isn't a first name Donovan, um Oh, yeah, a little spoon man trivia middle name donovan file that one away. What's that your middle name is donovan You didn't know that. No, I was saying a little trivia for everyone. I knew that Your middle name is frank. Pretty boring middle name. I mean, it was my it was my great grandfather So it has some and he was insanely boring that guy He was actually francis and I feel like nicolas francis would be a little bit more sonorous

Nicholas frank sounds a little abrupt I don't know Nick frank. Nick frank, I guess sounds okay. Yeah, it's this. Oh, nick frank's over here, right Nick frank sounds like a monster. No one's afraid of Hey, it's nick frank. Don't worry about him. He's fine. He'll creep you out Oh, nick frank's here. He's gonna extort money out of us by reading a monologue at 1.5s times speed Um Going on another sidetrack. Have you ever told about your great great great grandfather?

I haven't mentioned this. Okay. You should tell it. I wish I knew his name off the top of my head. I apologize to my ancestor, but My uncle sent me this anecdote. He'd found from an old paper in the like 1867 or something shortly after the civil war and he uh my great great great grandfather by grandfather's grandfather There was his obituary And he was a veteran and he went to a train platform And as a crowd of onlookers shouted no He stepped in front of a slow-moving moving train And was just like they just ran over him and killed him just an absolutely brutal suicide in front of a crowd of people

despairing and that's Tell them what you're gonna do tonight Much like my great grandfather before me, right? That's my Kylo Ren moment Mitch and I are gonna put on little train conductor hats and slowly stomp across you You guys wearing train conductor hats would be a pretty cool like 1980s wrestling tag team That train It's a good 90s movie to that train I'm engine and this is the caboose and you know mean gene. We'll see you in the cage brother

Out of breath after climbing into the ring. Oh, they just get on top of us and pin us Like like wrestlers will go to us. Hey as a career. We're unhealthy people and we're worried about you guys So these neighbors came over I did all right We got to knock on the door. We're at an airbnb. We no one should know we're there So someone's knocking on the door. I go Hi, and they go. Hello, and I go. Can I help you and they're like, how are you doing tonight? And I'm like, oh, what the fuck is going on and just to give you an idea of this airbnb There is a peephole, but the peephole is a hole in the door with loose leaf stuck in it

It's so I removed some wad of paper Looked through and it was a couple. So I'm like, they're not gonna both kill me Unless she's like the type of chick whose husband kills people while she fingers herself, you know, you know, you know that type That classic pairing right that trope you guys get that These chicks they love to jam their clams while their man kills up someone So they just go So are you guys the airbnb guests staying here and we're like, yes They're like, we're staying next door and just so you know

Last night the people were staying here were pretty loud and we could hear everything and I went, oh, okay And they're like, so if you guys could just keep it down and we're like, I'm going, okay And then she goes because because you know We're gonna keep it down too And I said so you came over here to knock on our door to tell us you were gonna try to be quiet tonight Also, too that what gabris just said is verbatim what he said to them. That's not him retelling his Yeah, he's not doing like a tough guy retelling. He said this to these people The second anyone sitting there scared the second anyone tells me what to do. I bristle even like, you know when tsa is like next

I'm like, I'm not going Sir now someone I'm I'll go when I want to go So we we looked at each other. Oh, they said Um, for example, we heard you say this place is actually pretty well decorated and I was like, you're quoting us So then when they left we were like, we're gonna get fucking shit-faced and have banned practice here We had no intention that is also verbatim. He said that loudly so they could hear next door And we got here and there was a bottle of patron and we started drinking it because I wasn't gonna party tonight because we got a fly And I am close to death. I believe that's what you guys said. Yeah, so let me let me just

Pull back for one second. So gabris brought a little bottle of patron out on stage that he's I imagine he's going to finish over the course of this episode Here's here's a rundown of what gabris has consumed alcohol wise over the past couple shows In austin, he drank an entire bottle of bourbon in the form of two cups Just filled to the brim just with straight bourbon and then you brought five beers on stage In houston when we were like so hungover we couldn't we were so me and mitch were like trembling And you like immediately chugged one beer and then just powered through the remaining four over the course of the next 90 minutes

Smoke to joint after the show. That was the size of my gigantic head Yeah, and you are still high from it. Is that why your eyes are like that? I This is a mitchell man feature It's something we like to brag about in the mitchell house all the mitchell men have heavy lids My mom had eye surgery. She's like you're gonna have to have it to one day, you know I was like, thanks You're like rocky. We got a halfway through the show. Someone's got to cut your eye open so you can see what the fuck is going on

Cut a mic Nothing's over. Just give me something to drink You guys remember brisk commercials. Oh, yeah. Oh, I mean, of course we do That's brisk, baby Oh, Jesus christ Did you do that in the cafeteria to try to make friends? Thank you saying that's brisk, baby. The kid who's sitting alone at a table I did sing while he's he walks by and points out everyone's drink. That's water, baby. That's lacroix, baby. That's tequila, baby

That's beer, baby. That's water buddy. Hey buddy I did sing the kitkat song for some kids to impress them at recess Like I gave me a break. Give me a break. Break me off. Peace that kitkat bar and walla and then I like thanks for doing it again I kind of did that And then I as I was walking away. I heard them like making fun of me for doing it This was on the walk over to the venue Nothing exacerbates my cough Like laughter and so like hanging out with gabris who just is always on it's a problem

Yeah, but it's like having like a deathly allergy like a deathly cat allergy And then you find yourself next to the cutest cat ever I want you to shut the fuck up Somebody's got to put some comedy in these fucking shows No way, man. That's not how the dope boys does it. Yeah, this show is boring as shit. They gave me for coughing and mumbling They want facts about chain restaurants. I can't believe 40 people got up and left right after the drop. They're like, that's what I'm here for All I wanted to hear was whatever the fuck that thing played But you I cut I we had actually a set we talked about our dead dads for like an hour and a half today

I was gonna get on that because so on the drive over that man that is a dull drive from houston to dallas You guys ever made that either was your action Boy, that is a slaw. Yeah, that sucks. That's a shitty drive But if you're playing chain restaurant bingo, you're gonna fucking win. Oh hell. Yeah, you're gonna get like 70 rounds There's so many chain restaurants, but two two things of note. One is that we saw a guy with texas plates Littering out his window. He literally threw a bag of whataburger and a cup outside his driver's side window messed with texas. He messed with texas That's against the texas code. You're right to boo him. Um, I just didn't know people still did that, right? Hold on. Hold on a second Does anyone want to cheer him?

Wow, we're scumbags I'm pro littering. What a stance to take You should be able to throw whatever you want wherever you want But so we saw this one guy violating the the cardinal rule to don't mess with texas and then we also The other thing was you guys were having a very very real conversation just like so like real and like You know like humorless just like very serious about just like death and your families and all that and I was just like in the back seat But anyway, so and then I'm just now I'm just in the back just coughing up a lung And then you guys are up there just having this very very real conversation

It was like very Dark and like almost surreal to see you guys being just so honest with each other. Guess what you can't be a part of it Your live dad, bitch Round of applause whose dad is dead? Wow texas sad sad state You can't and we're live dad family act Hell yeah

All right, so if your dad is dead hashtag dead dad's club if your dad is alive hashtag well adjusted I Like one of the first big interactions I had with gabris I went up to we was talking to our friend Justin And I was like I walked over to be like hey guys, what's going on? And they were like you can't be a part of this dead dad's club and they shoot me away My dad died a year later I think I can cost it

The gabris curse was put on I said you can't be part of this conversation. Mitch went no problem got in the car drove to quincy Fucking shot Came back was like, what were you guys talking about? Jesus christ. I want it in baby Hey, it's the easiest club to get into it just sucks to be a member Yeah, kind of a sad car ride today, sorry weigur. Oh, that's fine and you're and you are close to there You maybe will be able to say hi to our dad. Yeah Not my dad Maybe your dad

Dad if you can hear me if anyone says hi about it I Fuck part of the I told you guys this but part of my cough is that I have a I've like pulled a muscle or something like on the side of my body And so I wonder how All right, come on Drop it don't turn this into some implied self-suck injury I wasn't engaged in auto fallatio and injured my ribs

No, I got I have like a little bit of like a strain. It's like my sides are literally splitting But not from a excellent gaffa But rather oh, fuck you These are my favorite moments, but rather from an avalanche of asthma attacks It's brutal. What's wrong with you? I've just been coughing so much that that a like tora muscle or something or strained a muscle and then once each subsequent cough Worsens it. It's awful. It's like it compounds the the Happen to me. I cracked a rib playing rugby and the things that exacerbate a hurt rib are

Laughing and coughing which are two very big side effects of smoking weed So one of my favorite hobbies was I mean it is killing me in the longer run, but in the moment It was truly hurting me. Yeah, that's the time you have to switch from like half baked as your stoned watch to like pans labyrinth It's something that's just gonna really just like focus in yeah, so I guess I'm watching enter the void again If you haven't watched that you guys should watch that it features a scene in which a camera is inside of a vagina That's true and a penis is coming in and out of the camera and then the penis ejaculates. Wow Oh, wow, like you've never seen it weiger that close up. Oh, uh, maybe he has All right, let's take it easy chill

Um, so it's this it's tonight too dirty We're going raunchy at the end of the tour you guys want raunch or no raunch I shouldn't have said raunch or no raunch you guys just cheered it doesn't matter We'll clean it up a little bit. Hey, you know No for for a stretch We'll move on from uh from foul language and discuss a foul presence in our country I'm referring of course to the current occupant of the white house the man I refer to as the orange buffoon Not positive how you guys are gonna react to that

But will this we're we don't like politics Hey, who's that guy in the book? Here's the thing we'll avoid the political subject matter But this was a fascinating thing that came out in the washington post today And this may be a little bit dated by the time this episode releases, but I felt like we should address it There's a new campaign memoir called let trump be trump and in it the following is presented Trump's there's a quote trump's appetite seems to know no bounds when it comes to mcdonald's with a dinner order consisting of Two big max two filets of fish and a chocolate shake

Apparently that totals 2,500 calories. I think that's a combo if you just order the that's what they give you if you just order the gabris That's that's what an insane amount of food. That's that's guaranteed for you to die on the toilet, right? The way I two filet of fish two filet of fish two big max does he know about chicken sandwiches? Does he know about fucking fries? Some fries in there. He's kind of take down four sandwiches. You know like fries. Come on. I love fries. How dare you? Do I kill this If you want to it's gonna be strong He's pouring the patron into his ray cup one mississippi two mississippi. Oh, yeah, you're finishing it. Oh, yeah

Oh, there's a little bit left. I'll take it the remaining has gone into gabris's cup A gabris, by the way has a mario cup. It's got yoshi on the side facing me apparently mario and luigi on the other side How about that? That's a lot of Luigi is looking luigi's looking for something Shout out to marcus the guy who's helping us No, his name is ryan. I've been fucking up his name all day. I'm sorry ryan gave us some cool ass cups Make me feel like a goddamn hero We were debating on who gets what cup and I thought ray was appropriate for me because I love the force awakens And I should get mario because I spend most of my time cleaning out pipes

I'm like an amateur plumber Right. I flushed a toilet a thousand times in the last three days I will say we we all shit at the same gas station today Oh, wait, we're supposed to clean it up. It was yeah, it's shut down It's condemned now. Yeah, it's uh, they just lit it on fire that let it burn, baby Yeah, you were in you were in the there was one usable stall one was just destroyed. Yeah, and you were in this you were in the stall using the facilities and making boom boom

And game was just queued up outside And you were you started well, I mean you started loudly giving some explicit details about what was going on in there While there were just other randos at the urinals It was just us for a while and mitch was just really having a full-blown conversation with us And then other people started walking in and we were like, let's not tell mitch And the mitch is like, I'm just sitting here trying to get something to happen and the guy's like I was like, my dick's so tiny right now Guys, what does blood look like?

What does blood look like? I've never seen it Fuck Um, all right, let's uh, why I haven't noticed you use the bathroom once which is appropriate for me to use the restroom I went in after him and there was like a bunch of usb cables just jammed into the toilet A battery floating in there sunk at the bottom is this a 56k modem? Don't worry about it, buddy It's flushable. It's flushable We want we've talked about this in other cities, but we want to make them laugh to death like the roger rabbit weasel

Is the plan it might happen Um, hey, you know Part of the reason we ended up at that particular restroom is was we stopped to get some gas After we visited this week's chain We went to the water burger the huntsville located huntsville Texas anyone from huntsville or no huntsville Apparently it's referred to oh, are you from are you from there originally or just know what it is? You're from there. All right. Shout out to the home of sam houston, which we learned from a Uh, perhaps problematic statue. I don't know

We're not sure We're not sure Well a statue of anyone that was born before 1950 you're like that person was racist Like every statue is like, well, yeah, that guy was pretty racist Uh, but except for venus demilo. She loved black dudes But she had no arms so she you know struggle for her up and down Venus demilo had was had no arms. She was based on a real person. They had to cut her arms off to get the statue right They were like he's like, I don't know how to do arms. It's like well, we'll cut the model's arms off

So it looks like you did it perfectly Just because they're italian they're long island guys I only know how to do one character and that character is my actual voice Which is gonna slowly come out as I finish this patron. I'm gonna start like being like, hey, what's the fucking mozzarella? gabris is talking to his nephew Who's one who's one? He is always He's a little prick Yeah

This little baby is like What do you call him? He said something for legit Oh, I what did I call him? I think I'm called him a finook and The meat man Don't know if those are racist term. I'm not positive either Someone just hits me with a brick. Yep. No, that was a racist term It's the first one year old I've ever seen with a full beard How many of you folks in here tonight thought you were gonna see the shining

One person all dough boys and no play make jack a bag So we stopped at this water burger in huntsville, texas It was a very heavily trafficked location I imagine a lot of people making that interstate highway journey or stopping there for a quick bite to eat That was just real quick All the chain restaurants we saw on the drive, which was a ton right had full parking lots So many people at the at each of these things. Hey, you know what explains the dead dad thing from earlier Everyone's having karabas lunch right on saturdays

Yeah, let's go hit up outback steakhouse for brunch It's not your arteries aren't gonna survive for for very very long if you're eating like that But so and you know what who has what it has consistently like the most amazing amount of cars at it is buckies Which is something I learned about recently Buckies the old beaver that's How is it beaver character and It's a gas station. What else is it? What is that?

How is it possible that like 80 cars are getting gas at once? I'm just like this is amazing the volume of Are you telling me dallas isn't a big hybrid town? You're not like driving I would imagine I saw I saw five Prius's on the road today and they were all in the back of f 150s I got a Prius because I like hybrids and just like driving around Save a lot of gas on this car Oh The reason there's so many cars at the gas station is because everyone's car in texas gets nine miles to the gallon

Because it's 60 tons and has like five engines right We've almost been off run off the road multiple times while we've been here and we're in an suv. We're in a big car We're not we're in a key of serenity. We're in a key of serenity These guys are all gonna key every key of serenity for like a two-block radius. We'll get them We'll guess what we bought the insurance you motherfuckers. We already keyed it key it up, baby Gas is so much cheaper here than it is in california that we're stopped fueling it up We're stopped to fuel the car. This is the point you want to get across it with your last breath Yeah, right

These are gonna be my last words Put this on a plaque so much the gas is so much better but uh We stopped to get gas and we were putting it in and we're like like, uh, is that enough because we didn't want to Overfill our rental car and then uh, we're just like, you know, put another a couple gallons in there We almost just did it just for fun because it was just so fun Like it was exciting to get gas for oh the gas costs us one third what our what a burger order The gas is so cheap. We're carrying on gallons of it onto the plane. We're bringing it back. Do you think they'll let us on?

It's just gasoline in a bag I I'm not a terrorist. I just want to bring a bag of gasoline on the plane It's so much cheaper here So we were stopped at this water burger Uh, the employees there were real hoot. I'd say a real cast of characters Yes, it was so fun. They they had a they were having a blast Because a lot of the drive was

You we already said this but it was yeah, it was pretty sad Making a murderer esk is maybe a good way to say it. Sure A lot of salvage lots. There was a lot of salvage lots And then when we got in there, what a what a what a what a fun environment we walked into they were having a fall Yeah, and we held up the line for a long time a very long time We were legitimately flirting with all of the employees at the same time And they were clearly excited to see some, you know, obviously not from texas people mitch wearing his patriots hat I was in like a pink shirt and short shorts. Yeah with a long island tattoo

They're like, who you two skinny little boys Huh? Yeah That is one good thing about texas Is that we are like the mean size like the All the men out there you fat fuckers I see you with women way out of your leagues. You fat fucks water burger resting on your gut And then of course me i'm a classic so-cal surfer dude

And so Nick Nick kick flipped into water burger What's up boyy But I will say the service was really good like they were super friendly at the register super helpful in the ordering process And then man, this was a thing I was not expecting because I know you guys have been a water burger before This is my my maiden voyage Uh the condiment table service is great man. That's so cool. That's like It's such a small thing for them to do but it's such a huge feeling for someone to come walking by and you're like Looking at like a display case. It was like the first time I got weed delivery and that guy was like he opened up the

Binder and he was like what kind do you want? I'm like there's more than one kind That's what it felt like she little her name was brooklyn shout out to brooklyn the sauce girl at the water burger She was great. She was funny as hell. She was really almost everyone in the water burger was like a pull doll of quotes of You all gonna eat all that Are y'all sure like everyone's like I netflix and chill all the time that was another quote. You're like, are you bragging that you fuck all the time? Um Also brooklyn came around with the sauces and we wiped her clean

Yeah, oh, we're like, oh spicy ketchup. Oh never uh salsa verde salsa verde pacate We just every single one we took she like had to go back to resupply to fulfill our demands It was like a saint bernard who'd like, you know assisted a climber and then had to go get some more rum but so we We were there, but I would I will never get bottle services at a club That's a thing that will never happen to me, but no, but this is no nick You gotta you love gray goose by the bottle guys. I'm not gonna do it. You love clubs. You got it. What's going on? I'm not gonna do it. It's not gonna happen for me. This is the closest I've come and I would say

This is what it must feel like because I felt I felt oh, it's exactly like this cool That's why a lot of bachelor parties go to water burger and just smash down fucking condiments So that was very cool, um and and also too I just want to give this disclaimer I don't know. Have you guys ever had the breakfast there because this is my one time and we went in the afternoon So I wasn't able to have the breakfast before everyone starts booing us. We didn't get the breakfast We weren't able to do it chicken biscuit. Shut up butter chicken biscuit. Sorry. No, fuck you How come you don't have the same interest in a place that we live near like You guys are booing us for we flew here to eat it to talk to you about it. We ate

We shortened our lives. We flew. Yeah You think me and mitch have long on this world? We went to water and by the way, I learned because I went yesterday Someone was telling us. Oh the honey butter chicken biscuit is breakfast. I go, right? No, I've eaten it every time I've gone and I've been to water burger a few times They were like, no, it's breakfast. I'm like, I've never been there for breakfast They're like, well, they start serving it at 11 p.m. And then I realized I had never been to a water burger during the day

I've been like five times in like random Texas cities san Antonio. Awesome. I've been and I was like, holy shit. I've only eaten it at two in the morning So yeah, the the honey butter chicken biscuit is fucking wild dude. I've never had it I've never had it Hey the night's a puppy And Gabriel's night. This is the moment this patron bottle. So it will probably get bought tonight This is the moment where we cut in go. Hi nick weigher here later on that evening

We did get a chance to have the honey butter chicken biscuits and let me just tell you it was one tasty treat It almost reminded me of going to a club or something fun Me and the boys had a couple of alcohols Let me relate this to something I've never done go to a club Why why even try to do that Anyways, uh, we didn't eat it. Maybe we'll get it before we go, but I doubt it. We're on death's door I'm telling you not a good city from massachusetts guys, huh with kennedy. What are you? Oh Yeah, so it's you and kennedy are in that group. We're in the same league

Oh, we're similar in many ways Lee harvey should have taken the water burger made him eat to death or something Too graphic. I think kennedy was uh, not as far along as you are now Just as a heads up. He was heavy Back then like if it was equivalent to back then kennedy was my size Sorry, I tuned out for a second because I started thinking about how crazy it is to think that There was a time when water burger was contemporaneous With the jfk assassination. That's true. It's so weird to think that those two things existed at the same time

Fuck I need a fucking water burger They're gonna come over and jam water burger in mitch's mouth and be like get it back and to the left Back and to the left Too soon sorry One of the darkest days from massachusetts brawl. Yeah, it was fine on the rest of america Fucking guy 49 of the states brawl So you're a happy jfk got shot That's what you extrapolated from this. I feel I feel like they still feel weird about you guys feel semi guilty

Are you guys tired of hearing about that because i'm from new york and everyone just shows up and goes 9 11, huh? Like shakes your hand, right? 9 11 that was fucked up, right? Yeah, okay. Pleasure Oh boy, follow that nick speaking at 9 11. I got the number nine and the number 11 Oh Fuck I want to rub your back every time you start coughing and I don't know if that helps but it makes me feel better Makes you feel like i'm helping in some way. I get so stressed

It's just nice to have a personal connection with somebody. So I appreciate it So, uh, oh, Jesus. We didn't get to experience breakfast, but we did have a wide array of lunch options Um, so I guess let's just kind of take the sandwich by sandwich. I think that's the way to break this down. Sure So I The first thing is and I wanted to get something that parallels my beloved in and out double double So I went with a double meat water burger and you guys got the water burger jr We got two water burger juniors gaberson. I not only the water burger juniors, right?

We got this this is just the beginning of our of everything that we had So two patties cheese lettuce tomatoes pickles onions mustard. I believe is the roster of ingredients is mustard the only condiment on the water burger Whatever you want, but the default is they give you mustard And that's a texas thing right like mustard on a burger. That's like a it's a kind of a local thing I gotta say this Mustard heavy all of the burgers we got the water not it not a complaint But there is certainly mustard on water burgers. Yes Uh, we I feel like we did take it. I think that's one thing we did not go going in

It's like you're supposed to toss on some jalapenos, right? Yeah, well we fucked up. What can I say? But it's not like it's not presented the same way that say five guys is where it's like, okay Here are your customization options. It's just like you have a default that you order And I think you kind of have to know that you and I don't like that pressure We want we want it made for us make those decisions for me Have it just come the way it's supposed to come But the way my default thing is like what can I add and they can list 10 things and I'm like

Put them all on right like my default is like well, then if it's good with just some of that It's probably great with all of it right pile it on and I'm always eating like the most like like unmanageable sandwich ever We found a piece of ham in the back. Yeah, put it on there. It's good There's just like some dead crickets down here like throw them on they're not dead enjoy So, uh, what did you guys think of the water burgers? The water burger juniors? Yes, make sure you know, we only had a water burger junior. That's it a gamers And I had one water burger junior each we lady in the tramp did right there in the

Brooklyn was like I'm Netflix and chill all the time and I wouldn't want to stop calling her by her name on the podcast I didn't say that I said an employee said that it was Brooklyn Uh I like that water burger junior a lot of you know what? A lot of stuff like a lot of tomato and lettuce and and onion going on in there And I was like man, is this going to be too veggie heavy? Maybe it's the fact that I haven't had one vegetable in four days But it didn't really ruin the burger for me. I still got a taste of that patty

I liked the water burger. It felt like the water burger junior had the water burger amount of Toppings on it. Yes, but the the rest of it was junior Yes, it was a thin patty and you know, I've said it on this podcast before I've said it on any time I get a microphone in front of me. I don't think tomatoes belong on sandwiches or burgers. Oh my god Boo fucking tomatoes What the fuck out of there? You're entirely too juicy Whoa, someone left. She's either leaving or she only does deaf comedy jams type stuff Right up the aisle

Um Disagree, so I got it with the tomatoes because I want to try it as the house says you should try it I took a bite. I was like, this is pretty good. I did my classic Slip pull the tomato right out keep the structural integrity of the sandwich Why didn't you just not get into why didn't you get no tomato because I wanted to try it as they prepared it once You didn't have it. You didn't eat it. What also you're like the most italian man. I've ever you don't like tomatoes I grew up eating sauce sprawl No, I had one I had one bite with the tomato. Oh, okay, then you discarded it. Yeah, it was too much

So I slid it out and then I fucking really loved the wada junior. Do you but you like tomatoes in any context? You only like them pureed. I love tomatoes Uh in sauce. I like it as pico. I like it. Um, I like them in salads Okay, but I just don't like them on sandwich. I don't think tomatoes do well with bread unless it's bruschetta But I'm half italian Gay bruce. I got a rebuttal for you in three letters BLT

Okay All right, it's like almost booed you for saying BLT No rebuttal accepted. I do allow tomato on that sandwich right because I think the bacon and tomato work well together but I think tomatoes and and beef patties or tomatoes and uh Like turkey or ham or something. It just it's too slippery Too much water There's too much fucking water in these fucking tomatoes, dude. I know you need you like a peen Also, dude, I just want to open it up to anyone out there if at any point you uh, are on the same page with an observation

Please just say the words. I agree. Please just vocalize that. I'm a leisure. I agree Me too friend. Lee harvey junior junior Do you I guess that's the third? Yeah I think he would have changed his name It's kind of a dick move to be like, can I please not be lee harvey oswald the third Right, it's like the hitler family didn't stick or I didn't make that their lineage. Yeah. Well, they it was brian hitler Jeff hitler at woodshop with todd hitler. It was a dick I

Love I liked the water burger junior. It was it just reminded me of a of a like a carols mini. Yeah Now look, I went to what a god you got. We're so afraid of you. We are we are afraid of you They tackle at that too. You should be fucking californians Two years of that Be like, no, you've never done water burger and then I one time said it was like burger king And yes, I know I know I know I fucked up Then what is it like if it's not like burger king? It's a fast food restaurant that focuses on burgers. It's good. It's better than burger king. It's better than burger king. Okay

I have a parallel I have a parallel that I decided upon in and out is not correct And the reason why is because in and out has such a limited menu And and water burger has so many options for me The parallel is jack in the box. It tries a bunch Tries a bunch of different things mixed reaction Tries a bunch of different things has a but it has a wide array of different options

I think that's the closest that it comes to it in terms of change and I like jack in the box I'm a i'm a jack in the box. Jack in the box pretty good. I think it's a little carls jr. Myself Charles jr. Hardy's yeah, that's a pretty good parallel as well not saying it's that place specifically remember We haven't given our fork ratings We're gonna say when someone asks you when someone asks you what's what what's water burger like? What do you say you say like nothing on earth? It's the only fast food burger place in the world Don't mess with texas, but specifically don't mess with water burger

You can throw garbage on our state But how dare you compare one restaurant to another on a restaurant podcast We already have our opinions. We don't care what yours are But we'll sit here and listen Two and a half years of people insisting we cover water burger and then when we do we're immediately covering it incorrectly Whatever we we came to your town ate your burger place and you hate us for it Jesus

You're welcome I agree, but here you know what we should do tonight to really piss off our neighbors Throw a party at our air b&b Nope that just changed the entire tone of the meet and greet Where's that? Where's that? Well for real though if you want just just i'll just come over just me But yeah, man, we need one more dude in our air b&b But I know it invites like it naturally invites the in-and-out comparison and I understand why but here's the thing about an in-and-out burger Three sandwiches all of them burgers

Fries shakes and fountain drinks. That's their entire menu. That's their entire menu They're not comparable. They're not paralleled. It's very different from what water burgers operate Turn this into in and out stop talking about it. I'm saying that water burger has a lot of seasonal offerings They have a they have a huge number of sandwiches. They have so many different things that they're trying on their menu Even the fact that they have both fries and onion rings. Yeah, they have as far as I can tell they have some sort of Of taquitos or roll-ups. They have some some sort of pseudo tex-mex offerings They're really trying for a diversity of menu options, which is great I love that, but it's not what in and out burger is trying to do. It's very very different

They have different goals, and they're trying to You want over no one with that. I'm not trying to win over anyone. I'm trying to give my opinion It's fair. It's different like one person said it was similar. What the fuck? I'm saying that because that comes up constantly people say like in and out get water burger people Because it's texas's thing I know I understand that it's a texas's thing and yes, you can compare the burgers versus each other But you can't really compare the chains in terms of what they're trying to aspire to do In the same way that you always try to compare shakeshacked in and out burger. Oh, he's going micro machine on me

You always compare shakeshacked in and out burger despite the fact that they have vastly different price points I'm gonna Christopher Soprano you tonight and hold your nose That's gonna finally kill me. Then we'll kill you with your weak cough. Just let him use your fucking sleep apnea machine It's mine our neighbors. We don't even need to have a party. We have one guy who's coughing and 400 pounds of two guys snoring their asses off. Yeah 400 pounds 200 each. That's about it Wait, I'm I'm like 190 you say if I put on another 10 pounds Yeah, well I carry it well Wait, how much is a ton?

2,000 pounds 2,000 pounds. Okay, good. We're a quarter. We're a little over a quarter ton Gabriel tonight We are a quarter ton of people easily Over a quarter quarter ton because if we were at our host to a third ton if we were at our goal weights We would be a quarter of a ton My goal weight is 50 pounds heavier than half of you. Our trainer is like gaber smith. We're gonna get you down to a quarter ton soon That way you don't have to drive over the special weight thing in the fucking highway

You don't have to go with the tractor trailers We have to walk across bridges separately than our Kia Sorento And we tiptoe Creek Creek as the concrete is cracking under like ice We did when we picked up our rental car. We got into a an elevator And the four of us and then there was another couple and there was like room in the elevator and they were like, oh, that's okay We'll take the next one

And then as the elevator was rising like the noise it made was like No I think I heard the elevator go. Oh fuck. All right The other people on the elevator with us the door open button. They were just jamming it Trying to get off. We were slowly filling up the elevator like the big trouble little china guy Hey, mitch, you know, we recently finished up a tour of texas And I think one of the surprise highlights for us Our austin show post show

We had that meet and greet a bunch of our fans stuck around to say hi That's right And make fun of me for like a hot salad, which is not true And it is true And but also Lantana hummus Some reps from lantana were there and they presented us with some hummus and said basically hey if you guys like this stuff We'd love to advertise on the show and

We tried it out. We we took hummus with us two bars like after that. It's true. We we almost so we almost It was almost given away, which which was was very nerve-wracking to me Right, we had a we had a near a situation where we were briefly almost parted with the hummus That we really wanted to try and so we were carrying around this bat this plastic bag of like Three different hummus varieties to these different bars. It's lantana hummus, which is a cost a company based in austin Um, but then we got home a little tipsy and we tried this stuff home by home I mean the air b&b we were renting this was in dallas. This was in no This was in austin and then we we all we went we took it with us to to houston and a dallas

So this hummus we were we were taking to three different cities and made it across texas with us Texas with us and we never got rid of it. We never got rid of it and we were chomp We were tasting it the whole way this stuff is great. We enjoyed it, right? I loved it We did that Very genuinely loved the hummus. We did the hatch chili hummus, right which I thought was spicy But not too spicy. It was great just that sweet spot if you want something a little spicier They have the high heat extra spicy three pepper hummus, but you know other their other varieties They've got sriracha carrot hummus black bean hummus spicy yellow hummus

They've also got the edamame and the and the white bean they get a bunch of different varieties 10 different flavors in all And it's real good stuff. It's great snack for game day. Mitch. I know you're a big you're a big football fan I am a football fan your new england patriots are playing in the big game. That's right. And you know what? I gotta say this Anyone in spoon nation you bring some of this to the game You're gonna be of you know a party someone not the actual game But you know I'll bring it to the actual game too the big game if you're going smuggle it into the big game Get it past security and if security gives you any shit

Fucking put them in their place. Yeah, do you know what? Yeah, just take a scoop of hummus put it right in their mouth They'll have a smile on their face We're sure tsa too try it If you bring this to a party, you know a big game party People are gonna go nuts. They're gonna lose their minds. They're gonna love it and you and and You look burger brigade and spoon nation can come together on this one, right? I think great great snack for game day Great alternative to heavier fare like wings and chili and meatballs and burgers Hey, nick i'm trying to i'm trying not to eat. Oh fried foods

Well, you know what lantana hummus will do you right? So hey if you want to get try this stuff out It's available at most grocery stores and targets across the country Look for the hummus with the striped lids in the deli section You can go to lantana foods dot com to find lantana at the stores nearest you Give it a shot a spoon nation approved By the way, I got a modern ray melt

Oh I got the wrong sandwich So the modern ray melt has american and modern ray jack cheese on top of the patties Grilled peppers onions jalapeno ranch That's right. I thought that was good as hell. I know you ordered it, but I had a bite of that bad boy We did despite us all knowing nick is sick We all took bites of each other This entire trip. Here's a testament to water burger. Okay. We we do like water burger. We promise

The a testament to water burger is Nick is sick. His coughing is dying Every other place we were like, we're gonna like cut shit off and not have you bite it at water burger Nick like took a bite and he's like you want to bite at this and we were like, yeah Oh, you getting that one cry cry that one, please. Oh, fuck. We should a big fuck fuck lady So there's there's no spot on this where I have it, but that's fine. We don't care Just eating your fucking germs the modern ray melt was fire. That was really good. It was the modern ray melt was awesome Yeah, I really like the grilled peppers and onions not particularly spicy, but that sauce was good

I had a little bit of zest and it reminded me of for the carols jr. Hardy fans It reminded me of the philly cheese steak burger. I don't know if anyone's ever had that before I don't know if that's no man. No one has had it. Oh, well one girl has and I think it's the same girl who screamed in and out I think it's the one woman who keeps shouting Whoo, I love everything. Fuck it. I don't know if that's quite one-to-one for me. It's not one-to-one, but it's close Yeah, I guess I guess in terms of flavor. Nick you're starting to sound like the audience Also Monterey a city in california, that's a lot of fun A wonderful aquarium up there

Boy, check out that The fact that Monterey is a city in california got a bigger round of applause than me saying I got the Monterey melts This is a world's tallest midget competition right here Who got a more medium sized reaction from the audience from saying facts right Who got a uh, uh, a sort of tepid ovation Uh akin to an unenthusiastic golf audience Did you watch big little lies nick? What's that big little lies the HBO miniseries? No, I didn't it takes place in Monterey, california. Whoa, that's really cool

HBO We're just after that pop sweetheart Uh, the Monterey melt was really good. Oh, hey another sandwich that was a winner That chorizo burger Oh Oh, I ordered this bad boy. I love chorizo. I love burgers. I could not figure out what chorizo burger meant Whether patty's made from like form chorizo. I got it Oh my god, give me a second

Did not by the way did not cry when we were talking about our dead dads This fucking chorizo burger dude, holy shit Is that that's a that's just like a temporary thing, right? Are we fans of the chorizo burger? It's very good. It's something. It's something special. There's something special I'm sorry real quick one like a few years ago. I went to water burger and it was during a green chili burger promotion I didn't know it was a promotion and I'm like, oh we gotta get I'm like been chasing that fucking burger for like half a decade It's my fucking the one that got away That's a that's a white whale being chased by a white whale

The kid's good Weigur says a joke and then nods back and forth That thing was fucking I really enjoyed it Yeah, so it's it's chorizo between a couple of patties Monterey jack cheese on that one as well peppers and onions and then the creamy chili sauce Yeah, I thought that was really really really good. That was delicious. I honestly like that better than the monterey melt I think that was that was maybe my favorite. I think the chorizo burger may have been my favorite as well It's really good

Um, you and I almost ordered the same sandwich at one point. We came very close to it The one well, yeah, let's say because we're in texas toast country when we're talking about these two So we can we can discuss both of these at once. I got the patty melt. You got the honey barbecue chicken strip sandwich Wow. All right. We had a lot of people. I I was in there pop for What's that? What was the pop for for the patty melt or the I think it was both, right? We were recommended both a lot. Like wait, hold on. Hold on. Give us an applause if you like that patty melt All right, and make some noise if you're a maniac for that honey barbecue chicken strip sandwich Oh, wow

There's one guy booing his brains out, but a lot of people liked it. Yeah But both both fan favorites, you know, if you're one person booing while everyone else is cheering It just sounds like you're adding to the cheers We're not going to be like, well, it was like 99.9 pro. Honey, buddy Both great sandwiches, but I really like that. So this is maybe what made me Reminded of jack in the box, which I got railed for earlier But the

Just railed for that This crowd ran the train on you over that But the the texas toast reminded me of the grilled sourdough jack like it ran me that kind of bun And I really liked it. I thought it was really really good, especially like on a fast food scale For that because it's just a nice Nice variation or a nice little uh the tangent from the the standard bun the standard sort of sponge dough that you get I thought it was really good. It was one of my favorites of the meal. I loved it Yeah, so the the patty melt is patty's onions

Monterey jack cheese And the pepper sauce. Maybe I've copied the same description twice. No, that sounds right And then the barbecue chicken strip sandwich was chicken strips barbecue sauce Jack and then that it comes by default on the texas toast, which I think is the right call I think you get that toast over that bun. Oh, yeah, shit, dude. I would put fucking everything on texas toast over regular buns Yeah, give me everything on Fucking garlic bread, dude I grew up we used to get my mom used to buy these frozen texas toasts that were in the freezer

Holy shit My mom would like make them as a side with pasta and then we would be like, oh, these are really good And then when my mom was at like gone out of town one of my mom was turning tricks in atlantic city When she's fucking on her knees in a borgata suite, uh Me and my brothers would make like fucking huge ham and cheese sandwiches on texas toast It was like so it's so slippery because it's like buttered already Yeah, and you're like heat it up and you're just like it's like it leaves your lips shining What now

Help me out here. Yeah, what specifically makes texas toast Texas toast is it just a thick fucking slice of bread that's buttered That's my understanding. It's just like a fucking big fat piece of bread that's butter and garlic and is garlic on all texas toast Or that doesn't have to be Whoa, no you monster Garlic on bread not in our state Garlic you fancy fucker No, we put barbecue sauce on it

Yeah, texas toast is like how champagne has to come from one specific region in france. It's like a legal designation It's a funny thing to throw your name on bread This is bread right it's texas toast, but it's it's bread. It's just fat bread, right? Yeah, it's texas toast You got a problem with that? No, sorry take it easy. Uh, we like trump Let any listeners know got a great pull quote for a drop right there Any listeners with some audio editing tools just got a pretty solid drop quote What do we like better because it seems like the audience has a slight favoritism towards that barbecue chicken strip sandwich What did you guys prefer of those two?

Of those two, I like I love the I'm having a hard time lately with fast food barbecue sauce. Yeah, it's a little too sweet and syrupy This one is pretty sweet. This one's pretty sweet, but they use the perfect amount Like just a delicate smear rather than when you get like a fucking pulled pork sandwich at like a fast casual place But that patty melt I think was above it still for me. I still like that beef, baby Yeah, I agree. I like I really like the crispness of those chicken strips I thought those had a really great texture to them But I just I'm savory over sweet and I thought just like that the savory character

The umami quality if you will from those patty melts Was really nice and uh, I didn't get that as much from the the chicken I also think that the chicken strip sandwich wasn't as good as it could be. I feel like there's a version of that That is the best. You thought we maybe got a sub par execution. We might have gotten a sub par one. Yeah What did you say? I just said sub par execution jinx I'm turning into nick I look like Mitch, but I live like nick You immediately started sucking yourself off

First thing I would do if I turned into nick. All right, let's take it easy. I'd suck them off Let's all calm down. So wait, what was that? I said, let's all calm down Hey, take it easy. Did you like did you which did you prefer Mitch? I gotta say I prefer the patty melt even though I liked the chicken strip sandwich Yeah, I I agree with you that I think there's probably a better version of that Um, the water chicken sandwich was a little bit of a disappointment That was the only letdown I had was the water chicken sandwich and you you were pointing out that the it's it served on an Artisan wheat bun basically just a fried chicken sandwich on a wheat bun

And I guess it's it's trying. I mean is that like texas's version of something that's healthy Put a fried chicken on wheat and also is wheat artisan. Yeah Only in texas is like, uh, put the word artisan then these fancy ass motherfuckers will eat it Uh, it was it was good good, but it was so far below the quality of anything else we had there And doesn't doesn't rank top 10 in fast food chicken sandwiches. I've had. Yes. I there's just I maybe I ordered it wrong I think maybe I should have preferred mayo to the what the what sauce or whatever was on it Was it called savory water sauce savory water sauce? I think I always just like want a chicken sandwich that's fried with just lettuce and mayonnaise

That's all I need right so that it all gets kind of like hot like a hot kind of Maynazy. Oh, yeah hot salad Thank you. Oh man. I wasn't gonna get there on my own But thankfully I get to share my comedic timing with audience members God where would I be without this dude? Don't you have a dance to teach on a cruise somewhere? The patron has hit the blood, baby The other chicken item that we had was the what a chicken bites which are

Nuggets, but with a little bit more breading on them with gravy and I actually I fucking love that gravy that gravy was Really good. I was going fries and onion rings and oh a spoiler alert for our sides But I was dipping everything in that gravy Holy shit gravy was once your favorite food. Absolutely. I stand by that and it's it was a great dip in sauce It really is and you know that that country gravy if you get I mean I'm just impressed that they can do that at a fast food restaurant at that level of quality, right? Would you say gravy is the most universal dip? Because this is something I've been like. Oh, man. This is a thesis. I've been working on for over a decade. Wow

Ranch ranch ruins too many things. No, but ranch is pretty good ranch is up there The most calm. No, we should keep the dialogue going between the two of us. This is great for the listener at home I mean, I think a lot of this is going to be based off of you know What your favorites were when you grew up, right and and perhaps you might have some some, you know cultural predilections Uh, but I would I like I'm I think ranch is actually a pretty damn good answer ketchup's pretty good Sauce is pretty good like a salsa verde. Oh, that works on a lot of things Man ketchup would but but then ranch goes with stuff the ketchup. You're not going to dip a carrot That's what's true. That's why it's taking me so long to solve this riddle

What what college what college are you going to? School of the hard knocks I I had it for a while. I thought I solved it where I was like it's a toss up between sour cream and gravy Gravy's pretty good. I'm not talking about the best dip. I'm talking about the most universal the most versatile dip Thank you sour cream is pretty good You know what if you out there listening have an opinion on what the universal dip is hashtag? Universal dip let us know

Did you just come up with that? The live show they get to see the magic happen right in front of him He's got a word document open that just says universal dip on it. You wrote this before I think that's why I said it this show is scripted people don't know that I put a ton of work into making this show as bad as it is That's true But I thought those bites are really good. Let's talk about the condiment the sides rather we touched on those fries and onion rings Both good onion rings a true star though. I thought hey

Yeah, I'd like to I'd like to I gotta say this Fries much better than in and out burgers fries No No, no, no You're gonna say no, you're so full of shit You're full of shit by saying no. No, you're you're fucking being a troll right here. You are You know, you can you just loves it, baby a grandma is gonna stand you up next to her bingo card because you're a little troll Hey, I'm doing like nick weiger jokes

You're such a troll you're gonna turn to stone with two of your friends By being fooled by bill bow Justin Timberlake is gonna record a hit song for your soundtrack. You're such a troll Does you know anything else about trolls they live under bridges I'm no troll. I'm being honest. They are better than in and out fries. I also troll disagree I don't know about that. Also trolls in dungeon dragons can regenerate up to and including limbs I believe it's one d8 hit points a turn They are they're like akin to a wolverine, right? Yes. They have some regenerative capabilities unless you burn them

Oh, that's right. You got to kill them and burn. You got to kill them and burn them, baby Here's a question I have because I always I was someone who would maybe read the dnd monster manual But in playing necessarily much myself. So you read them. You got bullied by nerds Hey, hey fellas, you mind if I borrow the monster manual Do you want to play with that stick? No, I just want to read about the box. Hey, look, I I played some pc versions of the dnd games. I played some balder's gates Some never winter nights. I actually never got around to never winter nights balder's gates is a delight balder's gates are great, but The uh, what were the monsters manual? Oh, yeah. Yes. So here's a question. I always had

What is turning undead all about turning undead is what uh, holy characters like clerics and paladins have Okay, and that's a way to banish a certain amount of hit dice Of undead carrot. We're gonna keep the audience throughout this. I got this a 40 minute story I'm shocked. It's how you turning undead means you don't have to attack the undead You can say like I try I attempt to turn undead and because priests have power over the mortal realm But do they physically like turn around? No, it it It destroys. Oh, it destroys that. Yeah, it's considered turning turning undead. Yeah You're like you're one-shotting these guys. Yeah, you're one-shotting them because you have the power of

The holy light the lord or if you're a paladin depends on the order that you never Ask Gamers, I don't want to I nick uh mike. I know he spent the entire car ride going over how similar we are You just this first time you ever call me money. I know I keep forgetting what your fucking name is Uh Mitch, uh, I've spent so long learning how much we have in common, but nick I One time got made fun of for reading the monsters manual on the bus riding to school. Oh, no Yeah, I was he then he took the kid outside and curb stomped him

I uh, I was tracing the terrasque one of the deadliest monsters and Can we so the onion rings? Uh I always I help body swap happen to you. What is this? I'm back. I'm back. Uh Borbell curls You can try to get by but you're gonna get trapped Uh Something I used to say unironically it is a good back to good old work I just I pulled both my neck muscles

Flexing for one second there. I literally gravy just leaked out of my clavicle It is a fascinating layer to you that you are someone who is at one point obsessed with pen and paper rpgs Hey, I mean you've seen me. I'm over a thousand pages into book two of the stormlight archives words of radiance I saw you just throws an axe at me Yeah Like gamers one of the things is like I feel like you're too cool for me to be around you And so like I saw you reading that book and then I was just like I'm gonna read that book now Like I just like that just made my decision like I'm gonna commit starting dressing like me

It's like single white male over here Uh, but okay, the fries that I sleep till noon and don't notice any of this shit going on. So are we It's just easier with you asleep Then answering questions like, uh, who's water is this? Let's go back to bed, Mitch Do you think there's ghosts in this airbnb? Oh, that's right. I forgot about the ghost situation. First of all Look in the closet, Gabriel. Look how far back the closet goes the closet went back Very far at houston

It was a scary closet. There was a spiritual sense The closet was so deep if you went all the way into it. You can find young mitch. I turned to say houston had a very Had a there was a spiritual sense to it and then this new place. I think it's a little bit haunted. We'll see tonight Oh, it's gonna it's haunted for our fucking neighbors I'm gonna only fart with my ass pressed to the wall I'm gonna put my little tiny butthole up against an outlet And fart into the outlet

Electrocute myself. I I I had a friend visit. Wait, hold on. You'd characterize your butthole as tiny Comparatively it's very small. It's just two fingers wide. I mean, uh The male g-spot is real open up your minds and your buttholes Oh, Texas is on board. Texas surprises. Yeah, they're liberal in some ways Now as long as you come brother Texas y'all freaks Did you did you say your dick went into a socket? No, my butt goes my butthole goes up to the side and I fart into it I brought a friend backstage who was a lady

Oh Relax everyone. She just sprinted out of here friend Um, and I said goodbye. I walked up the stairs And gabris had his pants around his ankles at the top of the stairs. I was doing what they call a nude Blair witch Where you take off all your clothes and just look into the corner of a room And surprise the person when they come in And I was like, what if my friend what if my friend had walked back up with me?

What if that was my plan all along? Ditch this zero and get with this three zero zero She ditched all of us She's gone Yeah, watch the show great choice the correct decision. You guys are all like, yeah, she made the right call Let's get to our final thoughts on water burger. Here's how this is gonna work Well, we've done three of these shows in a row now. We know how this works We'll go around we'll give our final our closing argument if you will and then end with a rating

What's that three of these shows now it doesn't matter who you talking to the audience Yeah, it was to the audience. We're also a little soto for you guys. Okay. All right. Look you can't do soto into a microphone Go on say what you're gonna say Yeah, that was a smart move to stop them there, mitch We're gonna give our closing argument. That's what you call worth it And then a rating from zero to five forks. John gabris will start with you Pressure i'm gonna get booed no matter what I say. So that's right. I've been chasing the dragon. That is that green chili burger I had five years ago

Um, I've hit the honey butter chicken biscuit the hbcb is bomb as fuck But today today, I didn't get these two things that made me love water burger That's two things that in my whole life I've been linking to water burger when I'm in california and nick is going in standing in the room going in and out buddy In and out buddy in and out buddy as he fucks me in and out in and out buddy I am glad I sleep till noon um So I was bummed that I couldn't get these two things that I I always considered

but people on twitter were screaming about patty melts and the chorizo burger and A fuck man water burger did not disappoint. I thought I just said fuck like eight times in a restaurant review Take that bourdain Um, I love it. I love the spicy ketchup is worth bringing home in a carry-on Very good sauces very good. I love the onion rings. Uh, the fries were solid the onion rings I particularly love that chorizo burger was if I may use a nick term straight fire I'm gonna have to go with

Four forks. Wow very solid review All right, is it me? Now what a burger we said this on the podcast before a confusing name. It sounds like water burger Right sounds like wato burger from star wars. Hey, honey, you want the chorizo burger or something? Your favorite character because it is pretty much racist And he's the only racist character in all of the star wars movies Um, I mean and you just even look at the name it could be what comma a burger question mark You added a comma and a question mark. Yeah, what like if you don't see that when you look at it

I'm saying you could pronounce it in different ways. There's dashes like alphardy newman's catchphrase or mad magazine What a burger. Yeah, what comma a burger question mark Which was the question mark, please for the listeners at home Mitch is doing a hand gesture to explain what a comma and a question mark. There we go That's the question mark right there Um, but let me tell you I think it's What a burger exclamation point because it's fucking

Good as hell I went there before I compared to burger king. Everyone got mad at me. Don't boo again um And and maybe that was unfair. I thought it was a better version of burger king It is a little bit carls jr. Jr. Which I love In that it's burger centric and doing cool fun things with burgers. Yes, that's what they have in common Thank you gamers. I thought you were gonna make fun of me. Yes a hundred percent. No, I we went over this. I'm the more articulate you We're before and after but instead of exercise it's books

You know what and pussy whatever I couldn't tell if when I was saying that line if I was gonna say pussy or books I went with books, but I still said pussy after the fact I was gonna read 10 books this year How you doing so far? It's almost over didn't get around to one So zero books in 11 months how creepy if I was like I was gonna have a lot of pussy this year Have a lot I'd like to have a lot of pussy Also not doing well on that as well

Anyway, hey the new year is coming 2018 whatever the year of books and pussy For the spoon man, it's the year of books and pussy. Um I um I really really enjoyed water burger this time. It was great company. I think the location we gave it a hard time But it was a great location. It was a good location showing on It was entertaining that he already mentioned the spicy ketchup, but it's fucking awesome And that should be more places just the condiment delivery service. I like that ketchup is in a fucking dipping packet Yes, rather than a rip and squirt the ripping. I don't want to rip and squirt ever again

I never does anyone want to rip and squirt None of you if there's does anyone like to rip and squirt Fuck that shit The Monterey melt was awesome the chicken strip sandwich the honey barbecue chicken strip sandwich Was fucking awesome. The mini burger was great The medium-sized coke I had is gigantic very large. Please make it smaller The fries were good Not great good

And the onion rings were very good too. I'm going four and a half four. Wow. Wow Wow I liked it. Wow. I liked it Wow. Wow. Wow was right. Wow. Wow Wow one fork hit it out, baby Gets on a segway and goes away Good night everyone I can't wait till nick is parodied on silicon valley

I can be objective, okay my lifelong california I have a strong allegiance to in-and-out burger Which is my favorite. I understand that a large part Of why we value a particular food or a particular chain Is because of its attachment to nostalgia That it's something that we liked growing up and that we get it again And it comforts us in the same way that maybe a dish that our mom or dad might make will comfort us in adulthood Hey fun breakdown

This is sadder than mine and mitch's dead dad conversation So coming into water burger as a grown man With a lifetime of in-and-out memories I of course am naturally a little skeptical But I try to put aside that skepticism and accept it for what it is I really enjoyed the customer service I really enjoyed the unique experience of having condiments brought to me Which doesn't happen really anywhere

I thought the default burger was very good. It was a very good execution I thought the specialty burgers were excellent and I think that to me Is that was what most informed me of this experience the idea that this is a place where you pick your favorites from a vast menu It's not that you have a limited menu that they do right It's that you go through this large menu and you pick your favorites And then that's the thing you come back to whether it's a seasonal item that occasionally returns Whether it's something that's always present

And for me This is a place I'd go back to if there was water burger in california. I'd go to water burger I'd pick it over carls jr. Hardy's I pick it over jack in the box with your favorites of me With frequency wow. Wow. Wow Is it better than in-and-out burger? I would say no But that is me. That's my personal reality. That's my perspective affected by my own childhood by my own Fandom for something that is attached to my lifelong home, but

Based off of this excellent meal that I had today I got to say what A burger as well What the fuck I am adding I'm repeating your Uh Annunciation of the phrase what a burger. That's what I'm saying as well. I agree with you on that point

What a burger? Welcome to the golden plate club. What a burger four forks People are standing and cheering people seem excited It just got turnt in here And look I'm gonna say this We discussed beforehand and we were like if we hate it, we're gonna go in on it Be villains the entire time. Yeah, we're not gonna do what mitch and evan susser did in vancouver and pussy out

And get on stage and say we like something that we didn't actually like there was no easy exit for the japa dog episode You guys lied about liking japa dog. You actually didn't like it It was literally the most hostile environment. You're afraid of getting your ass kicked and it was in canada Yeah, right the fuck was happening. You're afraid of vancouver rights. Fuck vancouver and fuck japa dog New revision revision score two and a half forks. Fuck big wow that's canon. Wow I just I I'd like to see you back in front of a vancouver crowd and then immediately retract that as well I just want to also say

That uh, I get a lot of slack for for uh for saying that I like wendy's more than chick filet And I do I genuinely like the spices chicken sandwich. I agree with you. Stop yelling at me for that. I'm with you But I will also say Water burger is way way better than chick filet I'm sorry. Wow It is they're doing different things, but I prefer water burger to chick filet. Is that a discussion people have No, I'm just telling them that I like water burger more than chick filet He just keeps trying to pander to these motherfuckers any chance he gets hell fucking. Yeah

Yeah, I like red wine more than juggling. All right, sure That's fair. Are you sure you're gonna go with the red wine? It's time for a regular segment I get a mystery beverage and our panel must guess what it is It's the weiger challenge And folks we're gonna need an audience volunteer for this one someone who's very eager I saw a hand shoot up right in the middle. I think it was the guy that I was getting cruise director I think a guy who was getting roasted for a shirt earlier by gabris. He's gonna make his way to the stage give this guy a hand

He's he's walking over here I'm gonna get this set up guys real quick. This table should have room for four Come on. What's up, buddy? Oh, we're gonna go that way. We're going that way. Oh, yeah Is there is there a seat over there for you? What are you doing? What's going on? Okay? What's your name pal? I'm skylar I know You look like the least texasie texasie dude. Oh god. This is a nightmare. This carbonation just exploded all over my crotch It's soaking my pants

If there was only someone I could get my mouth there I was halfway towards stop it I was halfway thinking I was like, oh, I should bring some paper towels out in case there's a little bit of spill I was like, I don't need to bring a fucking roll of paper sound like a world war two letter. Oh, this is a mess It's all over my pants. Stop. Okay. Look it's sticky everywhere. Stop. I've hurt your eyes I'm gonna try to handle this as much as possible Let's distract skylar and talk to him a little bit because we're not supposed to be looking at what next Yeah, we're not supposed to look at it skylar. Are you from texas? Obviously Wow

A Dallas native. No, you guys don't give a shit It's fucking skylar, baby. Get your hands together Are you a fan of water burger? I'm a fan of water burger. Yes. What is what's your what's your rating for water burger? Oh, it's five fours. Wow. What's your go-to order? My go-to order actually so my favorite burger was the a1 thickened hearty Wow The five people that cheered for the a1 thickened hearty I could have picked out of a lineup

It's like every bearded dude for the basements every mitch and gaber's clone out there I saw it literally like five bears go What a surprise thickened hearty got a cheer in texas. Thank you All right. I would pass this over uh skylar. You get this uh star wars cup You got a star wars and mitch and gabers you guys get some minions cups. Look at those guys Oh my god, banana Bob and stewart and kevin are there. Okay. They'll give you some good luck. I smelled it. I shouldn't have done that. Wow All right, so it smells like bubble gum in a lot of ways. Yeah, let us know. Let us know a second

He's already he's ready to guess it. He thinks he's got it Let us know what you're what you're seeing what you're smelling what you're tasting any thoughts that you're having I'm gonna try to dab myself up Oh, I drank it already Um, it's smelt. Oh, yeah Yeah Magic mic m Medium

Like because i'm a medium sized guy is that what you yeah, because that's the movie was magic mic xxl Oh, okay, I get it. Oh because it would be a medium sized level of enthusiasm for that because i'm not as foxy As say a matthew mccana. Hey, yeah, I think the longer we break it down the better the joke works I was trying to I was trying to parse it myself. Hey, that's how you know, it's good We were right schuyler schuyler is allergic to the drink Did you give him your cough? No. Hey, we'd be magic mic dxl Not a good joke because I couldn't remember the name. There's dxl magic mic dnr Do not resist it. There you go

There you go I'm really obsessed with the smell this because it smells sort of like Cold medicine right a little bit. Yeah Schuyler, do you have any sort of like are you like a sense memory or you're like, oh, this tastes like something I've had before I know schuyler knows it and I know it too. Oh, you guys both know it Yeah, so I went to uh to school in probo utah I was raised Mormon. Wow and then uh

One of the drinks they have in they have a very limited drink Because you're not you're not supposed to have soda, right? Yeah, no caffeine And so they have one that's barks soda there is caffeine free. Whoa. They have caffeine free barks and then they have caffeine free barks red cream soda And this is really taking me back to the red cream soda. Wow. You barks red cream caffeine free. Is that your Okay, it might be Like, uh, it's just taste of red cream. Maybe okay. Yeah, it tastes like like A&W

No What's that red drink that you guys all like? Don't get audience help. This isn't who wants to be a millionaire. No, it's that drink I just can't think of its name. It's your big red. It's big red. We don't get to pull the audience It's big red 1000 mitch answer. I won It is it is a red Cream soda of some sort for sure. I kind of like it. I kind of hate it I don't I haven't had a sip of soda that didn't have jack daniels in it in like a decade It's weird. All right, I'm gonna need some guesses mitch. You're going with a red drink

I'm not accepting the big red because you fished it from the audience. That's bullshit. You're going with a red drink um I'm gonna go with big red Gabriel is going with big red Skyler, do you have a guess I'm going red cream soda. You're going red cream soda Skyler You have lost the weiger challenge the correct answer was in fact big red Motherfucker a texas original from wake-o apparently

Hey, yeah, kind of a pause for wake-o so smooth Skyler uh a very good showing a very good effort on your part I think you definitely got in the right ballpark and as a consolation prize We're giving you some pop rocks candy cane flavor Take that home treasure that You know if we can get if we can get serious for a minute. Yeah, do not Eat that and drink that big red I saw you barely you almost choked taking the sip of the big red your head would explode if you had this

You can get that star wars cup to take a star wars cup candy. Thank you. I don't know actually. I don't know if you can I might belong to the place Okay, we'll probably take it. I don't give a shit take it Hey, skyler, if you like the delicious candy cane candy Now it's harder to eat The shittiest prize I've ever seen in my life Candy cane not a good candy. No, it's like brushing your teeth, but which worse It's bad for you, but it tastes like brushing your teeth

But you can suck on the toothbrush until it turns into a knife is all it is Suck on my toothbrush until it turns into a knife, baby God bless you, nick. God bless you. Thank you. Oh, thank you. Thanks skyler big day for skyler everybody We're gonna get back that cup at the meet and greet. All right, dallas We have a small amount of time left So, uh, we want to go up and and and open the floor and get you to get some audience questions from you guys We're gonna go ahead and open up the feedback now. Do we have a mic set down there at all? Do we have one? Okay? Wow, we do we do awesome. What's up? Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir

Thank you for sending it up. So it's down there in the aisle. He was lying down there the whole time waiting for that That's badass. How come you guys didn't say anything? He was like just painted like the stage the patience of a green beret All right, so we have a we have a mic on a stand in the aisle If you have a question that you would like to ask us right now Go ahead and cue us. Dallas is good. They don't care We'll take your questions. All right. All right. Someone in a gentleman in a ball cap We have five questions, which is maybe more than enough. No, yeah, we'll get through these five questions

This will work great. Hi. I will tell us your name. Give us your question. My name is andre. Hi, andre Hi, uh, I if you guys were put in charge of food law If you could create one executive order on the way food is prepared or consumed punishable by death What would that law be? Wow punishable by death. That's a little harsh. That adds a layer that I really enjoy Salads need to be above 92 degrees I think you guys I think you guys know what I'm gonna say I scream it on every episode I'm on I scream it and every deli I hang out in which is 40 to 60 hours a week Oh

Tomatoes get the fuck off of sandwiches. I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't agree Unless the sandwich has tomato in the title a la blt or Mama's tomato burger get that fucking shit out of here. Sorry I'm sorry. I agree. Thank you I got one was here And I may not agree with this idea of texas justice As an opponent of capital punishment, but I would perhaps impose a

life sentence On people who insist on putting truffle oil on everything get that truffle oil out of there Too much truffle on shit. I agree truffle fries. They're played out. Leave them in the 90s move on Yeah, leave them in the 90s with chipotle aioli Right What do you think mitch? Much like what the hell Swat teams around in the place, right? There's a radio take the shot

Why'd you kill her right? I shot him with the highest caliber sniper rifle bounced off that fucking marshmallow and have pats at We got liar every house while the third he's in the building What's your answer mitch much like jfk before me I think that food should be able to do whatever the hell it wants to do. I'm going to put no fucking restrictions You can prepare it any way you want much like jfk before me was one of his thoughts and beliefs It's not what you could do for your country, but food should have no rules I remember that's right. Thanks so much for your question. All right next question. Great question. Andre Hi, what's your name? Hi, emily. Hi emily. What's your query?

Recently, I've had two friends get engaged over food one with torches one at medieval times What is your dream food proposal? Dream food proposal. You said it seems like you had one immediately. I mean, I know Oh, that's right. What what you have one. Do you have one for real? I I should just I could tell this is be super fast I went out with my wife my well, she was my girlfriend then we got shit faced and we ate Cheesy covered tater tots at gwanis yacht club a little brooklyn kind of like a divey place drank a Fucking hot dogs chili cheese dogs and tater tots covered in cheese

Came home fought the whole walk home. We were fighting over like the differences between men and when we we've since resolved it And when we got home I proposed like almost out of spite just like win an argument I proposed and my wife like she's like you left the overhead lighting on I'm wearing my bad period underwear and we fucking ate cheesy tater tots tonight And I was like on a knee and I was like, uh, and she's like, uh, yes So I would say cheesy tater tots I

Fantastic Thanks for the question. Emily. Uh, so we're gonna take uh, we're gonna take three more questions just in the interest of times I apologize to anyone queued up behind the third person in line there You keep switching mics, I do I don't know why I was switching mics But if anyone else has if anyone else wants to chat after the show We're gonna picture whatever we're gonna do a little meet and greet in the lobby about 10 minutes after we wrap So we can see out there and that is definitely an exaggeration Cambridge fire drunk now

Speak for yourself. Uh, it looks like we got someone in a birthday boys t-shirt. Hi. What's your name? Yeah, dude. What's up? I'm Joel. Hi Joel. What's your question? We never answered the last question. Mine's pizzeria Regina We're gonna fucking top his in his actual engagement. Oh, yeah We can't follow that shit. I'd have Wally come in with a ring on his back It's not food related For me it is You're gonna eat your pet cat the day I get engaged Can't have too many things going on at once christ in order to prove my loyalty to you to hunt. I'm gonna eat my cats

You're the only woman in my life now Engagement immediately. I love all in our realm. I'll never eat them next question. Go ahead Joel I like to eat french fries at the house and I collect condiments from different fast food restaurants Do you think there's a fast food restaurant that has like the most superlative version of a condiment? Mmm Come on. There's one answer we all know right immediately, but go ahead. What are you gonna say? I was gonna say we denigrated it earlier But I do really love that chick-fil-a sauce. That's a damn. Oh as an individual sauce

That's a really good sauce that you don't immediately think McDonald's sweet and sour sauce What? I don't know For oh my god. I like what a burger. What the fuck? McDonald's sweet and sour sauce is amazing It is it is it is uh water burger spicy ketchup is a very special Wow, seriously, it is really good. Fuck. I should have said that. Yeah, you can't you? And I'm not trying to pander. That's the difference All right, thanks Joel. All right a couple more questions. Hi. What's your name? Thanks. Joel Dallas rocks

Hi, I'm travis I'm travis. Hi travis. Hey travis. Dallas rocks So we're all human and uh, we go through the effort of you know getting our left Leftovers together and boxing them up and then I always end up leaving it on the table and leaving the restaurant What's the acceptable distance from the restaurant you can get before doing the walk of shame? Oh, man to get your left. Oh, this is a good question. That's an excellent question Wow, thank you travis and I have the same answer Yeah, there is no there is no there I might fly back

From la to dallas just to grab my fucking chicken and gravy. I left I will say that I have definitely forgotten and I've never returned because I'm like, oh, I don't I don't know how I deal with that I think once you're out the door, you just have to let it go I think that's just like you missed your window and you're gone But here's what I would say out the door and it's done out the door That's such fucking bullshit if if you like if you immediately remember maybe and like swivel back like grandpa simpson that maybe Maybe that's possible or swivel back like grandpa simpson or if a server rushes out and was like like like sir sir

You forgot this then that's fine. But if you're saying once you're in your car once you're in your car once you're yeah What's your out of the area? I think you're I think you gotta let it go But here's what I would say my lovely wife natalie has a thing she does Which is Very clever and I think keeps it so she does not forget her leftovers She brings her own little tin and so you bring a little thing if you know, you're gonna you go her a lot and you can load it into That you're not gonna forget it because you it belongs to you possible nick isn't the crazy one in his relationship No way

She lives a very balanced life. Um, thank you for the question drabis. All right one more question. Hi. What's your name? Hi, shannon What's your question? All right, so the state fair of texas is in dalis The way what's in the house the state fair of texas. Oh cool. And so we're known For crazy fried shit, you know fried beer fried peppermints fried jelly beans. What would you fry? Mmm, Mitch Me myself, yeah, I'd fry Mitch dust them in powdered sugar What the fuck abress you fried me

Hmm I think that I've had the thing that I would fry. Yeah um, I was at a Party and there was a there was a fry you later. It was the simpsons movies premiere party. I was at Whoa, all right. That's I can't say every sentence like you're expecting an applause break These people have been clapping for you for 90 minutes Just say the full subject and predicate and get it over. I drove over there in my nissan sentra Ultima

Uh And I got myself a deep fried Snickers bar. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's something special and I fucking loved it I loved it. It was one of my favorite snacks. I've ever had it was great I uh, oh come on Fuck deep fried Snickers All right, man, you'll you'll never know joy Feel free to boo for the rest of your life Uh, I

There's this restaurant in brooklyn called chip shop that fries like so many different things And I kind of got to know the chef and I asked to fry a slice of pizza And he let me we battered a pizza. I kind of got to know the chef Look, I got I was like fair enough at the place that fries everything surprising no one And I was like you gotta let me he's like we fried pizza here before I'm like you gotta let me try it He's like bring a slice in so I next bring a slice. I didn't serve pizza at the restaurant So I brought a slice in he fucking dipped it in tempura batter flash fried it I fucking put marinara sauce back on top of it. It was so fucking good

It was like a mozzarella stick the size of a pizza That sounds awesome. Uh, thanks for the question shannon. Thank you so much. What's your answer? I oh, I give a joke answer. You want me to give a real answer? I would like here's what I would like to do Here's what I like to do I would like to take a piece of fried chicken Fry that sum bitch again And then just keep going inception style. Let's see how many layers of batter we can put on that bad boy And have it retain its structural integrity

And you just leave it out on the dining room table and take bites of it over the course of a week Right when it's finally the size of like a nerve football. That's what I'm gonna try to chomp into that side of a bitch That sounds fucking great. Yeah, like an onion, but instead of those layers. It's fried skin. Yeah The layer Well guys, I had a great time in texas. I think there's the people here are very hospitable. Well, man What a great food scene around it. Just like so much food guys good work food Just like so much so many fantastic places outside of the chains that we've tried down here Uh, any any closing thoughts on our texas run? I just want to say thank you to john gaber's one of the funniest guys around

The funniest real So funny I want to thank you guys For and it was shortening your life. Yeah, I was getting tired of being alive So it was nice to be able to travel with you guys and eat this much food But for real, you know, I've been listening since episode one I've been guessing on it since episode eight or twelve or whatever number the outback one was Four thank you. It was four. Yeah

Uh, it's my favorite podcast to listen to and it's certainly my favorite podcast to do and I have three of my own Which you should listen to yeah, but start with dough boys But but but you know gaber's one of the funniest dudes check out high and mighty check out action boys Check out the new podcast you got with uh, lauren lapkiss raised by tv one of my new faves really really great Thank you. Lots of great stuff And guys, uh, we'll see you at the meet and greet that'll do it for this episode one more time for john gaber's Until next time for the spoon man, mike vichylamnik weigur happy see you dallas beast You

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