Doughboys - Yarrrrctdoughbarrrchest: Pirates Dinner Adventure with Evil No Handerson aka Eva Anderson

Episode Date: October 13, 2022

The Doughboys' very first guest, Eva Anderson (WeCrashed, You're the Worst), returns to talk Try Guys and Medieval Times before continuing Yarrrctdoughbarrrchest with a review of Pirates Dinner Adventure. Plus, an interview with actor and stunt performer Jeff Budner (9-1-1) who portrays Cutthroat Jack.Want more Doughboys? Check out our Patreon!: https://patreon.com/doughboysSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Coming up today, that link that you want to click on is down there in the episode description. Right down there. Check it out. There it is. Move your cursor. Go ahead and click, or if you're on your phone, use your finger and click that link. Click that link in the episode description. On March 10, 2000, Disney's Buena Vista Shingle released Mission to Mars, a Brian De Palma-directed

sci-fi adventure that marked the first modern feature film based on a Disneyland attraction. While the film was a critical failure and only a mild box office success, and was counted out of theatergoers' mindspace by the same year release of the Val Kilmer star Red Planet, i.e. the deep impact to its Armageddon, or the ants to its bug's life, Mission to Mars still established Disney's template for the next two decades, shameless IP cannibalization. 2002's The Country Bears followed, a miscalculated flop that nearly caused the company to shift its theme park attraction to theater's pipeline to being direct to video. But 2003 would produce two certified box office hits, off of perhaps the park's two most

beloved rides, the Eddie Murphy comedy The Haunted Mansion, and the summer surprise smash, Gore Verbinski's The Pirates of the Caribbean, The Curse of the Black Pearl. The film instantly minted an iconic pop culture character in Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow, and began the voyage of a new billion dollar franchise to occupy the fantasy adventure space vacated by the just-completed Lord of the Rings trilogy. And the film also brought a fascination with piracy back into the mainstream, leading others to follow in its tsunami-sized wake. In 2005, in the twin-theme park counties of Orange County, California and Orange County,

Florida, a new dinner theater concept opened as the swashbuckling counterpart to medieval times. Featuring a not-very-piraty meal served during an extremely-piraty interactive stunt show, the experience was a hit with slack-jawed landlubbers. And while the Disney Pirates franchise remains dormant partly due to the semi-cancellation of Depp, the Disney park's adjacent pirate show endures, having emerged from the existential plague not of scurvy, but of COVID. This week on Doe Boys, YARC DOE BAR CHEST, a month of pirate-themed eating, drinking,

and revelry continues with Pirate's Dinner Adventure. A hoi, mateys, and welcome aboard Doe Boys, ye olde podcast about chain restaurants. I'm the dread podcaster Nick Weiger, along with my shipmate, Davey Jones' Whopper The Spoon Dog, Mike Mitchell. Hard-de-ho, Igs. Hard-de-ho to you, my good man. I called you shipmate, I should've called you first mate, you're my first mate. First mate, I'm fucking captain, I'm the captain now.

No, I'm the captain. I'm the captain. I'm clearly the captain. Jesus Christ. It's a skipper-gilligan dynamic. I'm the skipper, I'm always frustrated because I'm trying for it to get things going, and you're the gilligan who everyone loves, but you're cause and havoc. And then now everyone's going to be like, Nick's right, he is the captain.

All these fucking, you're fucking beta-ass followers. It's problematic for them to be using naval ranks because neither of them served. It's like that, right? That's more like it. Or should I say land-ho instead of howdy-ho? That's probably better. Oh, land-ho is really good. There we go.

Still said like Mr. Hanky, a thing we ripped off from South Park, a 20-year-old South Park joke. You know that gag, speaking of old jokes, you know that gag where someone puts like the little telescope up to their eye and the periscope up to their eye, and then they pull it away and they have like a little black ring around there, like a black rig of ink. Did anyone ever do that? Probably.

Is that just in cartoons? I think people probably, I think, I mean, it probably is. I'm sure that it was pirates that started it, is my guess, right? You think it's like a, like, argh, that'd be a jaunty laugh we had. We made that guy walk the plank, that was funny. And then we put eye black on that dude while he was using the periscope. That was also funny. That was maybe funnier.

Being a pirate maybe did suck, right? You're just like, you got, like, it just seems like it maybe was bad. Must have been fucking horrible. Yeah. I mean, how about them were missing eyes and limbs, had scars all over themselves. They were getting sick all the time. They'd fall overboard. They'd go to an island and like try to raid it and they'd get fucking killed.

You know, like by a buck in ears braid. They'd be raided by another ship. They'd have the fucking Navy would be after them. The Royal Navy. Be horrible. Not to sound, not to get all Anakin on you, but the sand. The sand seems pretty, the sand seems bad too. I don't like sand.

Gets everywhere. Kraken's? The Kraken's, oh my God, can you imagine if you like, you have a successful raid, right? And you're like, like, are all this treasure? Look, we got this treasure. We, we burned that, that town down. We killed the mayor and we got, we took this big treasure chest. And then you're, you're, you're celebrating your, your clinking grog at sea.

And then a fucking Kraken gets you, like, I got damn it. And I get one fucking second here to enjoy my, my plunder. God damn Kraken. Maybe your parents are like, your Kraken is showing. You know, that's funny. You're like an ass. Oh, that is funny. Fuck, that feels like that'd be, is that like a, I wonder if that's a joke in

pirate movie where like, there's a pirate movie, isn't there a pirate movie? Like scary movie. There's pirate movie. Isn't there like a scary movie for pirates? I don't think there is. Well, okay. That should be, first off, my pitch is that should be a movie. Yeah, well, I know, yeah, I agree.

So let me have some producers listen to this show. That should be a movie. They should do a smooth movie called Pirate Movie. It's overdue. But a joke in it should be that someone has, a pirate has a, a tramp stamp of a Kraken and then he bends over and you see his butt crack with the tramp and he's like, your Kraken is showing. And then we pan up and we see it's his tramp stamp.

And also with, you know, that it would be like Johnny Depp and then there'd be like Amber Heard ship would come in or, you know what I mean? There would be some sort of battle. Which by the way. He's got to go to shore because he's got, he's got a pirate trial. When I first, when we first thought of this idea, the Depp Heard trial had not started. It was that long ago. It was that long ago.

The news wasn't even out. So like, you know, like a good, like, what am I going to say? Like a good like 40% of this entire month was like Pirates of the Caribbean and Johnny Depp based. And now that is just, you know, it's kind of just out the window now. No, I think it's okay again. I think people like him again. Well, really?

I think so. We were going to, I mean, we pivoted. We watched Muppet Treasure Island, which was great. We've done. Also, it's funny that you mentioned that because I just took a bite of an apple. Full disclosure. I thought I could hide it, but it's so clear. I have something in my mouth.

Anyway, soft food, my man. Soft. I just, apples are what I have. Anyway, probably our most problematic. Your bedroom fridge. Okay. We did do a double of where we reviewed a Pirates movie. Pirates, what, like the fifth Pirates movie?

What one is it? Yes. Oh yeah, Pirates 5. Yes, I think. It has Johnny Depp and we did it with guest Bug Main. Perhaps our most problematic paywall episode. Because we loved it too, praising a Johnny Depp movie with Bug Main. Delete that from the fucking, delete that from the Jedi library, Emma.

It needs to go. Archive it. Yeah. Oh, the Jedi, that's what they're called too, the Jedi archives, right? Isn't that it? Yeah. Get fucking, get rid of it. We'll do it.

We'll do it. We'll pull a try, guys. We'll get Bug Main out of the back catalog. You explained to me what the Try Guys were last night. I didn't even understand. I haven't, I don't know anything about the Try Guys. This is probably going to be so big about the time this episode releases in a week. But it's also who cares?

I mean, that's the big thing. Who cares? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? And also like, look, I don't know. I mean, like obviously I feel very bad for the person, the woman who was, but I'm like, this is news and this is a thing that everyone cares about. What the fuck is going on?

I don't understand it. I think our guest will maybe, we should introduce our guest. Absolutely. I'm going to play a drop first. Also, every joke that we made before we started this month, why is people online have already made like, Yo ho ho and a bottle of cum was one that we said in our text chain and people have already made it online.

People made it online independently. Spoon man, spoon men eat no kale. That was made online too. That one's really good. It is good. All right, here we go. Here is a little drop, Wags. Hey, Wags.

Yeah. As a pirate, you know what I would hate to see is a shark cootery. Everyone relax. Thank you for that. Can I just stop you for a second? Just stop it. We're ending the show. There it is.

We had a different drop. I emailed Drop King last minute to try to get a new pirate's drop. It was a whole debacle. And then it's just a drop making fun of my shark cootery joke, which I think is an A plus joke. Hey, everybody. If you've been considering going to therapy,

there's no better time to start than right now. Visit betterhelp.com today and use promo code FINKEY to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash F-I-N-K-E. That's from Chris Finke. The drop prints. That's very fucking funny. God bless you if that promo code works, Finkey.

Get paid. But I love that. That was great. That was a good one. Low promo code inception is great. I hope that it does work, too. I hope it works. I'm going to try it.

We're going to get our guest in here. It's been far too long. And also she needs to explain more about the Try Guys if she knows it. A writer and comedian from We Crash, to which you can watch on Apple TV Plus and our first ever Dough Boys guest. Eva Anderson is back.

Hey, guys. Oh, my God. I'm so happy to be back. This is so fun. One of our favorite guests, one of our fans' favorite guests. Always a delight to have you. We were like, this month is extremely stupid.

And we're going to a place that is called an adventure, but it's the whole experience. It's an experience itself as an adventure. And we're like, who better to bring along for this voyage than the great Eva Anderson? So thank you so much for coming with us and for guesting on this episode. First up, what's going on with the Try Guys?

Wait, before I do Try Guys, can I just tell, because I've been working over here. Oh, please. I think that the Pirate Movie, because it would be like, you know how David Zucker became like an anti-cancel culture? Yeah. I think you make it Pirate Movie,

The Curse of the Amber Turd. And so they're looking for like, I think even worse, and then you find it, and then I think they find it and it's like a butt plug. Oh my God. Man. And that's how you deal with the Johnny Depp of it. And then otherwise, it could just be whatever.

Anyway. Yeah, it pains me to say that I will. I would 100% go and see that in the theaters. We could group write this movie in an afternoon and we'd look at it and we'd be like, this is really funny. You just take like the plot for some existing Pirate Thing, you know it, but whatever.

They go to an island, they find some treasure, they battle some brigands, and then you throw in as many dumb pop culture jokes as you can. So it'd be a fucking blast to make one of those movies. Okay, so I'll cut this so we can do it. We'll do it for real. Trademark, trademark, trademark. Okay, so Emma, just really quick.

I think Scott Gairner put it best. He said, he recently tweeted, the Try Guys are jackass for Christians. That's good. That's good. Scott from Podcast The Ride, great podcast. And then that also explains, I mean, look, the guy is an asshole, but that also explains their video

response and everything. Right. It's just that sort of thing of like, look, cheating on your significant other is bad and horrible and your bad person, if you do it, but then it's this weird thing of like this weird, everything surrounding it where I'm like, wait, so this is just, these two people fucked?

Is it what happened, right? Is that the bottom line of it? The cheater guy had made, there's four of them, and the cheater guy had made being a wife guy his entire personality. That was the problem. It's like all these videos are being like, when guy and his wife were absolutely perfect,

and him being like, this is all the times I say, I love you to my wife in 10 videos or whatever. So that makes it bad. Who would have thought that a person who is very vocal about loving their wife would then in turn be the weird and cheaty about it? That's so weird, wives. We haven't seen that example over and over again

in Hollywood. No, yeah, no. People who are, who are, I'm one of the good guys, and then they suddenly get canceled. It's so weird. It's very strange, yeah. Me thinks Duth protests, as you like to say, Mitch. I didn't realize that he was a wife.

I didn't realize that was his whole thing. He's a wife guy, and it's also, I don't know if it's exactly a subordinate, but it's someone he works with. So there's a layer there of like, it's a workplace thing. So it's a look, it's scummy kind of on two levels. And then also, I think to Eva's point, it's a puritanical fan base who would kind of like,

like, how dare you? Because, yeah, and I don't know our listeners like this. You feel like you have a relationship with the people whose content you consume. So if they're different than you seem, then they seem, they appear to be. Then it's disappointing. Our listeners are gonna be so mad

when they find out I'm cheating on Wally with Irma. Specifically, he cheated with one of the food babies, which is kind of funny. Yes. Jesus Christ. Yeah. The fact that the person is a food baby. What's funny Mitch is that I looked at some

of the food babies videos and they like, they like do the same shit we've done on the podcast. It's just like, it's at the exact same level. We're food babies? We're gonna eat 400 chicken nuggets with the Try Guys. So it's like, yeah, we did that with Gabris and Nicole Byer. We ate 240 nuggets between the three of the four of us. It was, it was that drink I think I was like,

yeah, this guy sucks and this is bad, but it did feel like people were being a little puritanical about it. So I was confused, but now this does make, now I get it. I understand what's going on now. And I still don't like it. I don't care, but I get it.

I still don't like it. I still don't care. To put it into like our terms, your Wally and Irma example is good, but like imagine if like people found out that I was having an affair with you song, you know? Cause like people know I'm married and then they're like,

and hey, you song, like it's not like a, you know, you song was into it or whatever. Like we're both into it. And then, and then, and you were like, that's good for you to say that you were both into it. You song is also very into it. Okay. Yeah, he's into it.

We're both really into it. Anyway, so imagine this happens. It doesn't work for us anymore. This isn't weird. Then people, our fan base would be like, that's fucking weird. And that's like, I'm not gonna listen to this podcast anymore. And then if there were other layers like,

you know, like Emma unfollowed you song, then people would be like, oh, Emma doesn't, Emma's mad about it too. Like, wait, like, yeah, you know what, fuck Weigar, fuck the dough boys. And so then Emma, Amelia and I would have like a little, like we'd be on a couch and I'd be like, it's hard for me even thinking about what Nick did.

It's really fucking hard. Amelia is like, I started three months ago. I barely know what the show is. I think there's also a turn that people would like, like think that you and you songed, like, I think people would love that also. I think that there's like a, look, you got it wrong. We have too many freaks.

I think that, I think that they were like, I've been shipping them for years. And people would go back and edit. We have to edit, we, we, they will have to edit every time you say my lovely wife out of every single podcast episode. Because it beats triggering for people. Some episodes are just too, just unsalvageable, just has to be buried.

All right, this all does, this makes, this makes, this all makes more sense now. It makes sense. Yeah. It's bad again, but you know. It's bad. Enough try guys, bullshit. Let's, let's talk about, let's talk about a little,

I want to talk about the experience we tried, which was going to pirate's dinner adventure. But before we get into that, a lot of stuff associated with piracy, Eva, on the food side of things. First off, and we had some of these at the adventure, but you got yourself your island drinks, your tropical cocktails, the Mai ties of the world.

Where do you stand on those sorts of cocktails? Oh man, I mean, I think that in the right circumstance with sun and sand and a marimba music, there's nothing better. I love a good tropical drink. I especially love, I didn't get, I didn't get it at the pirate's dinner adventure just because it seemed like a lot,

but I love a blue drink. Yeah. Give me a blue drink. Very fun. Any day. That's my drink, my color of choice. Blue curacao, wonderful. But also you got your hurricanes,

you got your Mai ties. Those are great drinks. Mai ties is a great drink. I love them. Hurricanes I always find so strong. Yeah. Anytime I've had one like, man, this is, it's like that, that long island iced tea,

it's like sneakily got like four shots of liquor in it. It's like Jesus Christ. And zombies similarly, a zombie always feel like, well, it just like knock me on my ass. But like a Mai tie. Yeah. My tie is like a perfect drink.

I'm a, and Mitch, and I just love that, I love that a Meyer's rum float on tops. It's just, just a great little thing. Mai ties is my favorite drink. I love a Mai tie. Yeah. I love that drink. I, I read a book about punch,

about the history of punch. And interestingly, for me, you might find this interesting. Punch came from them forcing sailors, AKA, you know, pre pirates, every sailor's a pirate who's not a pirate yet, I think. Anyway, they needed to give,

that make them drink citrus juice when they were going in boats. And so they would just fill it with like tons of booze to be like, drink, just drink it. And they just make a big bucket and make those sailors, it'll take sips out of it. But that was the way to like force feed them like lime juice, which they hated,

was by inventing punch. That's amazing. That's crazy. So to prevent scurvy, right? That was the, uh, wow. But they hated it. That's crazy. Yeah.

They just pour like bottles. I have these old ships recipes that are just like the juice of 500 limes. And then like four bottles of basically like arach, which is like Uso, like licorice, booze. Oh man. Man, that's gnarly. Nasty.

And that's what they, and that's what they liked instead. They wanted the licorice booze. More than they wanted lime juice. They just couldn't handle it. Maybe they just never had tasted anything with any flavor because they were, you know, European. It's wild that like, like, there's something like that.

Like you get, you look at the history of punch and you start there and then like 300 years later, you have Floyd Mayweather. It's like, wow. Jesus. What a journey. God. Mitch, do you like my ties?

What else do you like? And also I'm curious for both of you. Yeah. When you're with your island drink, you go ice, do you go blended? I go, I go ice. I like like the fine, like a, some call it sonic ice. Yeah.

The pellet ice. The pellet ice. Why, what was, what was our thing? Yodo, Yodo. What was it? Oh yeah. Yeah. Yodo, Yodo.

I forgot to say it. Yodo, Yodo. A pirate's bite for me. A pirate's bite for me. Yeah. That's good. Thanks man. We're going to say that, we're going to say that more often.

Yeah, we'll say it more often. I'm going to put, but just put this conversation earlier in the episode. Yodo, Yodo pirates bite for me. Okay. Okay, thanks. I, look, I love a blended drink. Don't get me wrong, but if I'm getting a Mai Tai, like I, you know, Mai Tai's aren't really, you can have a blended Mai Tai, I guess,

but like a, give me that pellet ice. I want that pellet, a bunch of pellet ice. That's, you know what I mean? Like a, your drink is covered in a, you know, you're like sucking up pellet ice as you drink it too. I like that pellet ice. Here's a pirate, just thinking of a pirate movie joke real quick. Okay.

Yeah, it was like a, can I fix you a drink? He's like, yeah, Mai Tai. And then he takes the Tai that he's wearing and then he puts it in a glass. That's good. Yeah, that's good. Kyrie Irving's in one of the ships and it like sails off the edge of the, I told you so. Oh man.

If we are going to do this, I think I want to take back my Amber. I don't want to be made to Amber heard in the title or we should just call it out. Right. We should take, we should be accountable. The characters should be accountable and they should learn something that she actually was a victim of domestic abuse. I think, I think that Eva, I think it needs to be included in some way or another. I want us to have our cake and eat it where we do that in the title, but also we,

we, you know, we're like good people and actually signal. I think that has to be a gross out moment where like Johnny Depp's pirate opens up a chest and there's like a, like a, like a little mound of shit. Like why? Cause we were talking about, we were talking about, uh, the problem child too, when the dog shits, it needs to be like, oh yes. Oh, he also, and it could be like, is this my bed at home? Right. Wasn't that part of the trial?

Like, no captain. It's the Amber turd you've been searching for. I think the movie has legs. Yeah. And then we turned to the camera and we're like, not cool. That was not cool. I think it has legs and you guys probably won't be as on board with this as I am, but I think we should go to the, the, uh, the red pill, Zucker and ask if he'll be down to do it.

I think that he, uh, I think we could, I think we could get it moving. Yeah, we could get it. We get done the premiere on OAN. Yeah. On Ben Shapiro's like, uh, could produce it. He made that movie where Chris Farley's brother, Kevin Farley, right? Played American Carol where he played Michael Moore. And he learned about, like he, he did like a scrooge, but with being, becoming conservative. And this was like pre, and look, I love the Farley family.

So I'm not, and I'm not, I'm not trying to get them in trouble. Hey man, get paid. This is, this is pre thing. This is, this is like before times it felt like a little bit more at least in that, in that way. This was like, when did that come? I mean, it was definitely a post-911 movie. I think it was, it references Obama at a certain point. So it's got to be, you know, the George W. Bush administration era, you know, like,

conservatism, which is also like really, that was like the neocon. That was like really still very noxious. It was just like in a different way. Like they were still like violating norms, but it was a little bit more, had a little bit more decorum to it. I know it wasn't a good thing. I'm just saying. But it's not the same.

It's not, it's not January 6th, you know, build the wall era conservatism. It was a, it was a little, it was still very, very, you know, nationalistic and, and, and capitalistic, but it was not as, as, as like forthrightly, you know, I guess just like, overtly like just like racist as it is now. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. In fact, it comes in at like number three on my top 10 comedies of all time.

So. David Zucker would, would produce this. I think so too. I bet we could get Peter Farrelly to, to be part of it. Well, that's the other thing. I mean, it, it could be conservative, but there's also a way we're going to get, where I like, I like guys getting like all like the off-cast brothers, like the, the, uh, like all the other, yeah, the other Farrelly.

Yeah. The other Farrelly. The Hughes brothers broke up, I think. Get one of them. Do you think we could get Todd Phillips to put his name on it? Uh, she will not. Or we could get Rod. Rod Phillips?

Rod, yeah. What did, what did Armand credit himself in, in the, in, in, in a, in school for scoundrels? Oh yes. Yeah. He credit himself. His character didn't have a name. So he updated his IMDB to be a panel like the director's name. It's like Rod, Rod Phillips.

Yeah. And then he got in trouble. Oh man. Very funny bit. Uh, I think, like, like, look, I think this movie has, has peg legs, if you will. Wow. I think, I think this movie could happen. I don't think it necessarily has to be conservative,

but if that's the way you have, what you have to do to get a movie made these days, then fucking let's do it. I feel like this is a joke in like a Disney cartoon that's already been done, but a pirate with two peg legs is funny. There's a family guy. There's a family guy character with like four peg legs and two peg arms. There we go. How much do you know that?

You know that character, right? You know what? A Disney cartoon. I was right. I can't remember his name though. Yeah. Sheamus is Sheamus. Mitch, you're right.

It is a Disney cartoon. A Disney cartoon. That's right. Is Lois a Disney princess? She is. Oh my God. Wow. Mickey Mouse is my freaking co-worker.

I wish there was a good Roger. No, Roger I could think of is Roger Stone, because there's like a like, ah, raise the Jolly Roger. And then if it's a picture of a famous Roger on it, like that would be another joke. It should be Roger Stone. And then you turn the Jolly Roger around, and it's like a tattoo of Nixon on the back of Roger Stone.

That's good. This is really good. This is really good. You mentioned, okay, you were talking about how Punch was invented to get sailors, to get people at sea, or pirates to drink, to consume citrus. Where do you stand on citrus in general, Eva? Ooh, love it. Love it?

Love it. Yeah. You got a favorite citrus fruit? Ooh, I just bought some. It's seasonal, but the Karakara oranges are the finest of all oranges. Ooh. They're very nice.

Blood oranges, when they're in season, I think are also very, very nice. A Meyer lemon, or a key lime, all the regional varieties of citrus are great. I can even like, handle a grapefruit if it's mixed in with some other stuff. Yes, I'm gonna do it. I really like grapefruit, and I really like grapefruit juice. Wow. It's pretty good. Yeah.

It's good. I'm with Eva. It's gonna be mixed in with something, but straight up, it can be tough to take. But I've said this before, but my dream, I wanna visit a tropical island that's like a representation of a teakie bar. That's what I want more than this. I've told you this before, that it's hard for me to figure it out, but like just blue tropical water, and like some caves with the blue tropical water,

and I guess maybe I have to just go to Hawaii or teakie or something, and see what is teakie. Is there a place called teakie? No, there's Fiji. Are you thinking of Fiji? Yeah. Okay. But you can go, but like, yeah, if you go to a tourist destination, yeah. We're sure there's no place.

You think of Tonga? There you go. Maybe Tonga. I think I am thinking of Tonga. Okay. Hedonism. There's like all these like resorts, like there's Club Med and there's the Sex Club Med, which is called Hedonism too.

I don't know if I want to go to the Sex Club Med, but maybe I do. I think there's one called Atlantis. There's a sex club called Atlantis? No, there's just like one of those big resorts that I think is called Atlantis in the Bahamas or something like that. And yeah, those are places that kind of present the idealized version, what you're talking about, Mitch for tourists. So you can make that happen.

The idea of just drinking pineapple juice, I love pineapple. I mean, maybe that's why I like it. Oh, pineapple, just pineapples are fucking great. Pineapples are good. So fucking good. But maybe it is just in the States, the good old US of A, where they would just go into a teakie bar is the best version of it. I don't know.

Well, that's also like it's the whole notion of the teakie bar is like kind of a semi-invented thing, right? It's like an amalgamation of different cultures that, you know, a Westerner sort of assembled. Never been to Hawaii. Let's get you in fun. I've never been to Hawaii before. I feel like that's how this month...

Yeah, I've never been. I feel like that's how this month should end, with Whys and I going to Hawaii. Yeah. We're going to go to Hawaii. We've got it. Go to Hawaii. We're not going to go to Hawaii.

You never want to do anything fun. Two. Come on, let's try it. In the spirit of the try guys, let's try Hawaii. Oh, you might not like it. But by the end, you'll be like, I like this Hawaii. It's not so bad. Have you ever been to Hawaii?

No, you have not. I did. No, I have been to Hawaii as a kid. I went as a young kid. I was a little too young to appreciate it, but I still thought it was cool. It was like eight, I think. Six or eight elementary school age.

Well, with my grandparents and my parents. That's cool as hell. My grandpa crashed a rental car, fucking told it. Yeah, he was fine. Total to rental car. While you were there? While we were there.

You have palm tree? Yeah. Single car accident, fully insured, no cost out of pocket. When he got out to the big coconut fall on his head. Yes, it did, Mitch. It's not funny. Oh, no. Sounds serious.

Because he got stuck on his head. Yeah. He had to wear it as a hat. And it drilled little eye holes. Man, that's terrifying. I can see why it affected you to this day. Wait, his name is Oscar Weiger? Yeah.

That's cool. Sounds almost like Oscar Wilde, kind of cool. Or Oscar Mayer. Like Oscar Wilde. Or Oscar Weiger. Same number of symbols. So wait, were you in the car, you said, or no? No, I wasn't there.

I think he was just, it was by himself or with my grandma. My dad, I'm sure my dad will hear this and then text me a correction of what exactly happened. But my memory of it is that he was, I definitely wasn't with them. I think he was either by himself or it was just the two of them. And yeah, crashed into a palm tree. Car was totaled and cost him nothing

because he went all the way with a car insurance. He was like speeding away, being like, I gotta get away from this fucking grand kid. Go fucking anywhere. The island's too small. We'll be back with more dough boys. This show is brought to you by BetterHelp. You know, Mitch, I learned something new about myself recently.

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We are here with our guest Eva Anderson. As we continue, Yark Doughbar Chest, our month of pirate-themed eateries, with Pirate's Dinner Adventure. I think it's good. I think it's good, too. It's a theme. Look, Eva, we're really excited.

This is obviously, this is one of the big ones, and we thought there'd be no better guest to do this than you. And then when we asked you to do it, you revealed that you went in its opening week, which just proved us right, I guess. Yes, 100%. But I think that maybe every time I've been

to Medieval Times, I think you've been there probably. I mean, I've only been a couple of times, and I think you were there maybe both times. But definitely there for one adventure, and we were saying it was maybe Paul Russ's birthday. We were trying to figure it out. I think so. I mean, that tracks.

But always a good time at Medieval Times. I just knew that there was a Pirate's Dinner Adventure next door. I didn't know much about it. Yeah. But you went in its first week. So you have some perspective on if it's how much it's changed since it's been opened at all.

Yeah. Yeah, the internet says it opened around 2005. It was hard to find the exact date. And there are two locations now. The one we went to is in Pointa Park, California, which, as Mitch said, is right across from Medieval Times. So basically, there's some Medieval Times. There's a giant portos, which is a local bakery chain

that's beloved. And then there's Pirate's Dinner Adventure. They're all kind of in the same one-mile stretch. But Pointa Park is also very close to Disneyland, and the same city is Knott's Berry Farm. So it's theme park adjacent. And the other location is in Orlando. Yeah.

Yeah, I went right when it opened. And I believe the former guest, Stoney Sharp, you've had Stoney on the podcast. Oh, yeah. Where have you? Yeah, he was there, too. We went with a group. So he was part of that adventure.

I thought it was, well, I'll say, I've been to Medieval Times with you, Mitch. And all this time, because I've never been back to Pirate Dinner Adventure, I've had this picture in my head of Pirate Dinner Adventure being so superior to Medieval Times in every way. Wow. I was like, it was, the food was great.

The show was incredible. The music was beautiful. I was like, yeah. So I had this, I was holding it on this pedestal, where I was like, well, nothing can compare to the splendor of Pirate Dinner Adventure. So anyway, that's what I was walking into this with in my heart.

Wow. I will say the stage picture. Jesus Christ. The stage picture is much more appealing than it is at Medieval Times. Because Medieval Times, you're basically looking at a big dirt oval, right? And here you've got this kind of pretty cool

production design with a gigantic tank. Eva, you referenced the Waterworld stunt show. And it kind of has that sort of vibe of just like, oh, wow, this is a fucking spectacle. There's a big ship. There's a bunch of zip lines. There's a lot of just like cool shit on the stage. And so when you're kind of sitting there,

you're like, oh, shit's going to go down. I think it definitely has a great anticipatory vibe. And also just like the sense of adventure when the show gets going. I mean, I think the production design is pretty great. Yeah, if you go to Medieval Times, if you're a worm, you're going to love the view because it's a big pile of dirt.

But if you're a human, a human being, you're not going to, it's you're looking at dirt. But look, they have horses running around. I liked the look, aesthetically, I liked the look of this when we walked in. By the way, Nick was probably on the email and invited to these Medieval Time trips

and just ignored and didn't come. Yesterday, I was talking about the movie 43 Eva yesterday because I turned on TV and Hugh Jackman had a set of balls under his chin and I was like, uh, and I was like, oh, it's movie 43. And I wrote in the discord, I was like, movie 43 is on. And then Wigs was like, I saw that movie alone. And I was like, hmm, I saw that with like a bunch of people

from a kiss from daddy and birthday boys. And then I looked it up and I found the invite and Wiger was on the invite of everyone invited to movie 43. But you choose to watch it alone, Wigs. You saw movie 43, fucking solo. Instead of going with a huge group of friends. There's also an element of, I could do it on my schedule.

That's part of it. But there's also an element of, you know, this for many years. And Eva also now lives closer to my part of town or actually west of me these days is like, it's the LA is fucking big and I hate driving. And so like, okay, I could either take the bus to the theater that's 10 minutes away

or I can, you know, get in my car or this was, because this was before the expo line connected to downtown. And then there was even a doable train route, even though that's lengthy. It's like I can drive for 50 minutes to go with this group. I'll maybe opt for going by myself. We saw the Culver City, Arclight. Uh, there was a, there was a, wait, no, you didn't.

Full of shit. But, but guys, just real quick, this conversation is making me think Hugh Jackman is gettable. That's a great point. Oh yeah. I think you got to have Jackman in there. He'll do a sketch movie. I think we should keep a movie 43 balls on his chin too.

I think that's funny. As a reference. Yeah, that's funny. People would like that. I said, I just had an idea of like, um, of like, uh, uh, you know, there's a moment where like, they've got like a big treasure map laid out. And they're like, uh, they're like, argh,

we're, uh, how much longer till we get to, to, to the treasure? And then, uh, like there's a Siri GPS who is like, destination in two, two hours. It's like, turn left at the Indian Ocean. It's like, oh, I wish you had told me earlier. Man, it sucks, but it's pretty good hope. You could have Hugh Jackman as a pirate with, uh, like 10, a hooks.

Like, uh, oh, that's great. Yeah. So you make him like a Wolverine pirate and each finger has a hook. And he has balls on his chin. Yeah. And he's got a, he's got a hook for a dick. Uh, I got one too. I got, I got, are you ready for this?

Yeah. Y'all are, oh no, a Cyclops whoop them Gangnam style. Cyclops. That's great. That's good. Yeah. That's really good. That's really good.

Uh, they're, they find Davey Jones's locker and then, and it's just like a high school locker. And they open it up. It's got like a, a poster of BTS inside. I guess Si is pretty, a pretty dated reference. No, but it's perfect for this movie. Okay. All right.

By the way, Eva sent a link to a black eye telescope in the chat. Well, I don't know if you, Oh wow. I did right at the beginning. Oh yeah. It's $4. If you guys want one. 4.39, what a deal.

It's so descriptive. If you gave this to your friend and we're like, Hey, take a look through this. They just, they like, what is this one of those things that puts like a black ring around your eyes? It's like, yeah. And it says on the packaging, hey mister, look in here. It's a knockout.

It's a great, it looks like a, like Jimmy Duranty or somebody is like looking at the, it's weird. It's old packaging. It's great. That's like a, there was Don's, Don's joke shop in, in Quincy, which like was just kind of was like a hook. Like, like it turned out it was like a paraphernalia shop, I feel like. I think that that was like the hidden thing behind it.

It's like he sold pipes basically, you know, like this is back when, you know, it was a little bit more taboo. But like, you know, like he sold like pipes and things like that. But this is like the type of thing you'd see in there. And even as a child, I was like, how does this place like exist? Right. Like selling like fart powder and like a telescope and like dust, you know, like the glue you'd put between your fingers and it would create dust.

I don't know how I went into, even, I know you, you definitely, I'm sure, liquid smoke stuff like that. It's like, yeah, you do the fake smoke. And it's just kind of disgusting that stuff, the liquid smoke. It's like rubber cement kind of. Yeah. Yeah, I remember being kind of nasty. But Wags, were you a magic boy, Wags?

I mean, Magic Johnson. I love Magic Johnson. But as far as like cast and spells and apparitions and doing tricks. No, I never really was into magic. I don't think I had the manual dexterity for it. You told me you had dunked the other day. You used to be able to dunk. So I, OK, yes, what basically there was a brief stretch when I was at my lightest

and I was in really good shape when I was like 18 years old that I could like eat it over the rim, two foot takeoff and one handed. So like, you know, reaching with all my might, I could like like eat it over the rim. That's insane. Yeah. But that was, but that was like a very brief period. And then, you know, I could touch the rim for a while. I could grab or touch the rim for a while.

But then, yeah, now I'm not nearly that vertical anymore. I weigh too much and my back's too injured. Yeah. My alpha older brother who played volleyball was an incredible leaper and he could throw it down two handed. Wow. Yeah, it's fucking cool as hell. That's cool.

Yeah. Nate, Nate is cool as hell. Yeah. Nate's a stud. OK, let's let's talk about a little bit more about Pirate Standard Adventure. So fine. As we mentioned, it's right across from medieval times. It's very much the concept of medieval times.

Seems clearly inspired by it. And I think part of what I do want to talk about here is how what a cumbersome experience it is to like get tickets for this place and like like like get into it. Because it's it's very like it's oddly rigid. It's oddly strict, but it's also like very like it's not like you have like a like a like a digital ticket or anything. It's still like you go up and you give your name and show your ID and then they print out passes. And then you like like the closest thing we had is that like I got there first.

I took passes printed out the pass and they were like just take a picture of the passes and send them to the rest of your party and then they can show that to get in. So but but but as part of getting in, they were like Amelia bought our tickets. Amelia bought the tickets and we get to the box office and they're like thank you, Amelia. And they were like first off, they were like we need to see a bank statement. That shows that you bought the tickets and she's not going to be present. So they're like, OK, I guess we'll have all of my bank account loaded. And then and then but when I got up there, they're like, no, we also need to see your ID.

And I was like, OK. And so like thankfully she was around, but I had to have make fucking Amelia text us a photo of her fucking driver's license so that they would give us the passes. And it's just like this is this kind of stinks that this is the system. So that was a little bit annoying. But once I was saying it's like, well, once we got passed all that, it got worse. But I was going to say that how dare you. I was going to say that it was it's it's funny to me

that like a mom could buy tickets for like her son and his friend. Yes, right. And then they'd get there and they'd be like, you guys can't come in. Yeah, try who's trying to sneak into Pirate's dinner adventure. No, exactly. What are you talking about? You you'd know you'd have to know someone was going that night and go in there and like like get their tickets. Yes, I'm Mr. Johansson.

And it's just like, all right, go on in. And then Mr. Johansson. Yeah. And then Mr. Johansson gets there and is like, what's the hey, wait, wait, what do you mean? I'm already inside. I'm me. What's the meaning of this? That's my Mr. Johansson. Exactly. Yeah. That's the real Mr. Johansson.

I came to enjoy a pirate's dinner and you're telling me I can't get in. That's Mr. Johansson. The other the other annoyance about it. So it seemed oddly weirdly locked down. And also like a little retrograde in terms of the tech of it. The other annoyance is that you have to order your meal in advance. Like you can't and I don't remember if medieval times works this way. But you have to like like, you know, pick all your options in advance. And so, you know, your whole party has to be locked in of like, hey,

we're going to Pirate's dinner adventure in two weeks. It's like a wedding. Pick out what your entree is going to be. Which by the way, when you get there, the server is like, what do you guys get? It's not like it's like, I feel like you could have just been like, I got this other thing and it would have been fine. It would have been fine. But there's a like, at least appreciate that they do have a vegetarian option.

So they can accommodate that. But then also when you're there, like there's a server who brings your food. And then there's also a separate server who comes by for appetizers, which are not part of the menu. And that you get charged separately for and tips separately for. And then meanwhile, your server, because your tickets are prepaid, there isn't like a bill you get at the end that you can add gratuity to. It's like our server who is lovely, who is great.

Darla did a fantastic job. She accommodated us. She helped us move to a different area because we didn't have quite enough room. And that was great. And she was super cool about everything. But like at the end, she was like, she gave us a business card that has like, hey, here's my Venmo if you want to tip me. Or you know, or you can tip on it.

And it's just like, this is so, like why is this, this is a restaurant. Why can't I just put gratuity onto the bill for the food I paid for? Very strange. Actually there was a, the bartender was a separate waiter too. The bartender was a separate thing too. And the bartender would like, they have a bar inside. I actually thought their bar area inside was a lot of fun. I liked all the pirate theming in there.

And it's like a great pre-show that you can just go up there and get an island drink. The bar staff was, was terrific. But yeah, then they're also like, hey, if you want another drink, okay, we'll bring, we'll bring the bartender out to come get your drink. It was just, and yes, and that was a, that was separate tipping. It was, it was just a very strange experience in terms of how it was all paid for. Can I just say this like, first of all, I was in, I was over in Disney while you were here. I was riding Rise of the Resistance, which was okay.

But you were over. Only okay, really? I thought it was all right. To me, it feels like a big empty Star Wars factory. It's like a, and also like a lot of like screens, you know what I mean? Like the, like, look, it's, there's stuff about the ride that's like undeniably impressive. I'm not going to say that, that I'm not, I'm not just trying to say it's bad for whatever reason, but the weird, the weird like insistence that it's all,

it's kind of like Kylo Ren and all new people is weird to me too, where it's like, oh, I want to get chased by Darth Vader. You know what I mean? Like, how come I can't get chased by Darth Vader? But also it's, it's like, I think the, the Millennium Falcon ride stinks. I think it's like truly straight up just bad. And I think Star Wars, it sucks so bad. Star Tours is like a million times better than it.

And it, you know, it's just, it's, it's, it's, Wags, the Simpsons ride you and I went on the other night is better than the Millennium Falcon ride. Like for real, it just is. Shout out to Matt Selman who invited us to a Simpsons event. The Simpsons season 34 premiere. Got to watch Treehouse of Horror on the big screen and get to, get to ride the Simpsons ride. Reverend Lovejoy got like embarrassingly drunk at the event.

It was, it was, yeah. It was like kind of a Try Guys situation too. He was being creepy. He was like, I love Helen. Don't get me wrong. I was like, all right. Yeah. Um, but, but if that Poo's wife was single, oh boy.

It's like, oh man, it's gross. His kids are here. All his kids are here. All eight of them are here. But where's Hank? He's gone. Hank Hill? Hank Hill, yeah, Hank Hill wasn't there.

But, but, uh, the Millennium Falcon ride, I think stinks. Not, not, not a fan of it. And Star Wars land-wise, I've told you that I'm just like, I think Star Wars land could be so much better than it is. But that being said, Rise of the Resistance has impressive stuff in it. It feels a little bit like a big empty warehouse ride in like, neither the ride aspect of it or like the spectacle of it. I don't know.

It may be enough for me, but it, there is stuff that's impressive. Don't get me wrong. But I was saying the difference between going to Disney and then you get to Pirates Dinner Adventure and you walk in and like, I feel like the first room you should walk into should have like, Pirates and fake palm trees, but you walk into like a big green screen where they take your picture. Yeah.

That's the first thing. The front loaded with the included photo. Again, the, the dude who took the photo was great, super nice. The whole staff there was fucking delightful. The staff was, the staff and performers are great. The staff and performers were fucking terrific. But, but yeah, the photo guy was great. But yeah, it's basically front loaded with a, without the pirate theming.

In fact, the big pirate theming in the green room photo booth was, there were stickers from one piece on the wall. Yes. So it was like, okay, well, yeah, that's a, yeah, that's piratey. It's a pirate anime, but it's, but, but like, that's like the beginning of the, you know, the beginning of the immersion. You kind of want to have the equivalent of walking under, of, of, of the pirate's ride going into the tunnel with the dead men,

tell no tales, talking skull. You're walking onto a deserted island. You know what I mean? Like that, that's, that's like, Eva, how did you feel about, I just, you walk into like a big, ugly green screen. And then, and this is the other part of it too, is like, there's, it just feels like you're getting sold constantly because your picture gets taken and then they're just trying to sell you picture packages,

which by the way, we bought the biggest picture package and I was shocked because she came over and they're like, here's this thing. It has like this, this, this, this basically this photo that we put it in and then there's like water and it looks like there's waves and they're like, and then there's like, it comes with every picture, then a special VIP picture at the end. And they were like, that's a hundred dollars. And Wags was like, we'll take it.

And I was like, what the fuck? We're going to do this. I have one of the two that I took home right now. Like in my, I love these pictures. These are great. Yeah. They're good. It's a great, it's a, it's a great picture.

The four of us, John was there as well. We had a blast. My husband, John. My lovely husband, John. We did have a good time, but I just, especially like, you know, this place is close, it's near Disney. It's trying to get people who were, who went to Disneyland and are in the Anaheim area. Like there's no doubt that that's what, you know, Buena Park is nearby

and they're trying to get people to hit up this spot when they're in town for Disney as well. And just the bar was maybe the best thing, like, you know, as far as like immersive about it, you know, besides the actual stage. Yeah. So I don't know, kind of, kind of, kind of weak on that front. Yeah. But I do feel like it's analogous to the medieval times lobby experience.

Sure. Related to my memory. It's like they're, they're kind of doing the same thing. And as far as like, yes, trying to upsell you on picture packages and trying to sell you expensive merch and drinks. I mean, that's like more general to all of like theme parks. Right. Like that shit happens basically everywhere.

I mean, that was, Disney was the progenitor of the expensive ride photo, you know. Eva, I now have the opposite thing in my head where I think that medieval time is like this like beautiful, like delicious meal. Like so well done by comparison after experiencing Pirate's Dinner Adventure. But I wonder what your thoughts are now. Well, here's the thing. When I went, when it opened, here was the experience. You walked in, you got your picture taken with a pirate, not a green screen.

There was just a pirate there. So you met a pirate, got a picture taken with the pirate. That's you. Then you walked into a set where you were like at a party. There was, the bar was there. Also the, all the appetizers were there and they were free. And you were basically at this big party where there are towns people and you were there for like the hundred year anniversary of vanquishing the pirates from

Treasure Bay. And you got to be at this party for like 10 minutes and you got to see like a, like a politically incorrect word is gypsy, do a perform like a magic performance on the stage. And then in the middle of it, the pirates ziplined in into the party, took you hostage, split you up into colored groups and then walked you into the pirate ship room, which was full of fog. And you got to kind of like, fuck this is so good.

It was like the Indiana Jones, like the first time in the ride, you see the big canyon, like that where there's music and a fog and you're like, ah, and then the pirates told you they were going to kill you later. You're hostage, you'll be, you'll be killed. But for now you get to like feast with them. And that was the setup for the show. That's so much better show. It's so much better.

I know. That's why I loved it so much. This is, this, this, things have definitely, first of all, a big difference, which we'll get into is that we had vampires. Yeah, we, we're almost an hour in and we haven't said the word vampires yet, which is insane. So many times during the show. Like it's just a word. You crazy vampire, you must be drunk on blood instead of run.

They did like, I feel like they took the script they had and just did a find and replace, right? 100% yeah. Pirate to vampire it, rum to blood, pretty clear. They should have, they should have hired out some stuff in the script anyways, but the script is very confusing. And I don't know if it's changed since your first visit, but it is, is bizarre. Yeah, yeah. It has changed.

I just, I wrote this down because there's a, a battle for somebody gets, gets an award halfway, one of the vampires gets an award halfway through the show. And they say, how shall we celebrate your victory? And he says, with blood and women. So it's, he clearly used to say like rum or wine, right? Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, pretty, yeah, pretty, pretty clear.

Look, they, I mean, like, I'm sure the cast said, hey, we got to, we got to learn and rehearse a whole new show while we're, that we're already, we're already doing this. The show never shuts down. We're doing this six nights a week. And we got to do it. So like, hey, you know what? Fuck it. We'll just do the same show, but we'll say vampires instead of pirates and we'll all

put on vampire fangs and contact lenses. Because yeah, it very much does not feel super Halloween-y, but I think it's, it's just meant to be just, just spooky enough or just, just a Halloween adjacent enough for, for kids, basically. Just going back to what you're talking about in terms of the presentation, Eva. Yeah, because it's pretty bare bones in this day and age. And I think that just probably comes from, look, I cannot imagine any business that had a tougher time with the pandemic than a fucking dinner theater, right?

It's just like, there's like, it's not like they were doing a bunch of to-go orders or anything. Like they were probably just completely shut down. So I'm sure they had, they've made, they've done a lot of budget cuts, a lot of cutbacks over the year, but that's a bummer because that's, that's, that level of immersion would have helped a lot instead of basically, you know, you kind of, you kind of go in cold and then are, are, are sitting down and then the show begins. Yeah. It definitely feels less like an experience from, from the get-go.

Yeah, let's, let's talk about the food a little bit. Even just our entrance into it, weren't they just kind of like, the doors are open. Like there was no, they were like, it's like time to go in. No, there was no like big. Yeah, you're in, you're in the red section. Yeah. We were in the red, we were, we were, we were in the red section, which there was no, I think that they should have maybe just gotten rid of a couple,

but also we, we got to get into this too of, you know, section really wins. Like, I guess one section kind of won, but they do kind of a bad job of that too, where you're like, I know. Maybe like your color becomes the main protagonist, I guess, is kind of the, the whole thing of it, but it, it's, it's bizarre. I think blue is always the main protagonist from what I can tell the way this is set up. So, so the, the, the way, the, like medieval times, each section has its own color. There are, I think six colors here.

And then instead of cheering on a knight, you're cheering on a pirate and your pirate, and we'll talk about, we'll talk about our guy. In fact, we'll talk to our guy. So you're in a bit, but, but, but our guy didn't even know. Cutthroat Jack was fucking tremendous. We got Cutthroat Jack in the flesh here today, Eva. Not, not today. Oh, we're doing, we have to record it separately.

Yeah. Oh, I mean, I love Cutthroat Jack. He's great. You thought it was today? Yeah. It's Monday. Monday. Like I was good at trampolining.

He was fucking awesome. Cutthroat Jack, we met him afterwards. We talked with him a bit. He's an actor. He's a stunt performer. His name is Jeff Budner. We're going to talk with him in a bit. But he is, he was fucking great.

He was a terrific showman. He had just done something on 9-1-1, he said. He was great. Just, just was on 9-1-1. So charismatic and then also just so athletic. Like just was, was pulling off awesome stunts and awesome tumbling acrobatics. And, and, and it seems like, like a, like a very challenging job for the actors, because they've got to do all this like physically demanding stuff in the same way

the medieval times nights do. But they've also got to engage with the audience a lot. Like it's like a very interactive show. And they're like talking with you. They're doing, doing bits with you. So there's a lot on their shoulders. And I think they were, he was great. And I think the whole cast was fucking great.

But anyway, you get back to the way, the way it's structured. He was over there. He was winking at us like, like making jokes with us. He was, he, he was great. It was great. Yeah. He was like roasting people in our section. He was great.

He was fantastic. He wasn't, he wasn't, he was a bit of a heel. It was great. Was a bit of a heel. He was one of the bad guys. But anyway, so there were like, there's six sections. Each section has their own pirate. But to your point, Mitch, about it being confusing.

So there's like contests where the pirates will try to do different things. And then you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll boo for the other pirates and cheer for your pirate to win. And those are a little, it's a little bit more discreet in terms of like, okay, I get, I get what's going on here. I get one to boo. I get one to cheer.

But there's other times when it's like, hey, the green pirates just doing something cool. And I'm like, wait, am I supposed to cheer for this? Like, wait, wait, the blue pirate is the good guy and he just won. But do I cheer for that? Cause it's like the good guy winning or am I booing it? Because I want equal to win. Because like it changes from a competition into a story.

Yes. And it toggles back and forth. Three pirates are good and our pirates were bad. So I was like, are we supposed to still root for the bad guys? I don't, I'm confused now. I don't know what to do. Cause then we're rooting for our own slaughter. Like, like if we're rooting for our guy, we're rooting that we will die

at the end of this and become like, they'll eat us. Right. Cause that's the stakes is where we're hostages and they're going to gorge on us. Like we're eating, thank you, Mitch. Well done. That we're, we're, we're having our last meal and then they are going to gorge on our blood. So I guess narratively it is similar to the,

the, what you were talking about in the original show Eva. Just with the vampire. Very similar. If that was my last meal, I'd go on to haunt. Pirate's dinner adventure for the rest of my life. This, the show, which we'll talk about a little more, I thought the show was, I really love the show. It's, I think it was, it clearly mostly targeted kids,

but I thought just like it was, it was great spectacle. I, I thought the stunts were awesome. I thought, I thought, you know what, I mean, when they were, when the performers were getting to shine, that's when the show was good. Yes. Like, I think that the show needs a script rewrite. I think that they need to figure out, they need to figure out the show a little bit.

There's a lot of dialogue and there's a point where we're just like, you know, the, the, the actor who played the princess, like she has so much exposition and I'm just like, man, that is, that is tough. Like it kind of felt like, okay, she's trying to, she's consciously trying to get through these lines pretty quickly because she knows that like, hey, I've got like this paragraph of text to explain exactly what's

happening here that I think with the audience gets buy-in from just like, hey, they're pirates. They've kidnapped a princess and a mermaid. Like we get it, you know, like, but they, they get, they give a lot of context for everything. Also, by the way, there was what, like seven sections. There was, there's like red, blue, green, uh, like, uh, yellow, maybe black. Like there's like, so many-

And there's purple or, or orange. Yeah. Purple, orange. There's like so many sections and there weren't a lot of people and I was like, why didn't you just like load up every, like, you know, like, you should, like, I guess like this, like room would be nice and especially in like a pandemic, you know, pandemic times or whatever. But like, it just felt like there was like seven people in every section.

We should clarify. Well, our section was pretty packed, but other sections were a little bit more dense. We should clarify. We went on like a week night. We went on probably at least busy night, I'm guessing. Yeah. Like a Tuesday. So I'm, I'm, I'm, you know, I think I, I would imagine they need all that

extra space on a, on a Friday or Saturday, Saturday show. There was also only like six kids in the whole audience and two of them were clearly too scared to participate in the show. So four kids did all the parts for kids, which was like half the show. Yeah. One kid did three parts, like three major parts. He rode the boat. He was like standing on stage and like making faces with those two other kids.

And then I think he was also the Navy at the end. So he became a pirate and then he became the Navy. Yeah. And also, you know what? The performers were great in the show. The kids not as good. Don't, don't, I don't need to see that much kid wise. Get the kids out of there.

I like them. Yeah. I thought they were, I thought they were cute, but they could have, but I get what you're saying, Mitch. The overall note is that there's probably some trims to be made here. Like it's just, and, and to focus the, focus it on the, the songs and the dancing and the, the stage fighting and the, hey, the mermaid silks were, was pretty fucking cool. The mermaid was just in a bikini.

Yeah. Well, she had legs. She has legs when she's on land. Yeah. It's, it's her dad. And then when the pirates took up their shirts, I said something for mom. There was, there was some stuff for mom too. Yeah, it was okay.

I mean, everything was for wise. I think you were enjoying everything everybody saw on stage. Hunk city. Including the special guest children at the end. I thought, I thought that, uh, I, I thought that when our guy was like doing the, our guy was, first of all, like everyone jumping on the trampoline before our guy was like, they're not as good.

And then our guy went up there and started doing crazy stuff. He like started the crazy stuff. Then there was a couple of guys after him too, who were pretty good trampolinas. But I, but I, I don't like, I just want to, I just want to say this real quick. I'm not saying that they were bad. I'm just saying, I'm saying like, oh, they're jumping back and forth. And then our guy really took off. I'm sure that they all are good at it.

I think they, this is the challenge of the show. Is that they all have their own specialty and they get to show off as like, Hey, I'm like the sword guy. Hey, I'm the, the fucking, you know, one of the pirates also did silks. Hey, I'm the silks guy. Hey, I'm the trampoline guy. But they, but there's also situate like elements of the show where they all have to do everything.

So I'm sure there's situations where it's like, Hey, we, we know that this, this guy's maybe this is not as, as X is, uh, you know, Sure. This is in his area of expertise. Look, you don't have to be afraid because we're talking to, to our captain later on tonight. Not even, not even a fear thing. I'm just like, I'm, I'm trying to be chair to all of their forms because it's a fucking tough job.

I agree with you. I thought all the performers were good. I was just saying that like, our guy really took off on the trampolines. He was like, yeah, like jumping back and forth. And then our guy went wild. And also to explain the silks guy, there was a guy who like, for people who don't know what silks means, there was like a rope, there was like a rope dancer, right?

Like, like, uh, yeah. I know, I guess I, I thought it was more common place. My niece does this and, um, she's actually really good at it. But like the, yeah, there's, it's, it's basically like you've got big, you might have seen this at a Cirque du Soleil or something. They've got big, long hanging, um, uh, reams of fabric. And then you can kind of climb them. And yeah, you're basically doing rope tricks from them, um,

suspending yourself between them, doing flips and shit. It's really cool. Yeah. I was, that, that was, that stuff was cool as hell. Uh, and they kind of danced like ever, ever essence, uh, the, the, it was like a kind of like a ever essence, like ever essence. Ev, I'm sorry. Evanescence.

There you go. Yes. Jesus. Evanescence, like the ripoff band, it was like if you, like a, like a, like a, like a cover band of, of, of evanescence. There was a clear evanescence sound to like at a certain point that I think the princess was singing along with while they were doing the silks live. Um, yeah.

So there's, there's, there's, there's just a lot of show. I think, I think, you know, there's a lot of show. I think we're over, we're there for over two hours. Wags, I looked at you at one point and I said, I felt, I said, I feel like I'm on drugs. And you said, me too. This show is so long. The show was so long.

It was so, so long. And like, no intermission. No intermission. The silks, that's like what I was afraid of, of like, of them saying there was an intermission after we had been there for an hour and a half or whatever, but it went over two hours. Yeah. And then when the silks dancing was great, but I was like,

we're two hours into this and this person is doing like kind of like intense silk dancing and I feel like I'm on drugs. And if they like fell to their death, I would have to be like put into an institution because it was like, there was dangerous stuff going on. They are great. And they're great performers that like the ladder tricks when the guy was spinning around on a ladder was impressive. There's a lot of great stuff.

The performers ruled. I'm with you, Nick. They were, they were very, very good at what they do. No notes. Performers. No, no notes. Performers was great. Show could have been a little tighter.

I agree. The food was the worst meal of this year. It was fucking abysmal. It's insane. It's insane how bad it was. It was so bad. Truly horrible. It started off with bad appetite, like the easiest thing in the world is to put

mozzarella sticks into a fryer. Yeah, we had a, we got like basically like, I'll get the mozzarella, the appetizer sampler platter, which again, you order from a separate server and you don't order in advance and then it's like, hey, here's, here's the appetizer menu. Want anything? It's like, yeah, we'll do the sampler platter. And then, then they bring you the check for that and then you pay that and tip that, tip out that person, that separate server who's not your server.

So that, that element is already a little bit weird, but whatever. The, it was so, it felt like they were, it was frozen, frozen, you know, cause like you're like, okay, I know that I'm going to get Cisco frozen mozzarella sticks that are just going to, you know, at least, but you hope at least they're thrown into a deep fryer and they've got some competent fryer work. These felt like they were microwaved. In fact, they suspect they were, like they did not have any sort of fry texture to them at all.

Insane. The mozzarella sticks were bad and I remember I was like, there was ranch and then I was like, is that marinara? And why is it like, it's gotta be. And I dipped it in, it was ketchup. I was like, so there's no marinara sauce for the cheat for the mozzarella sticks, just ranch, I guess, and ketchup. We got onion rings as well and jalapeno poppers.

The onion rings had to have been fried, right? Like, I think that that's the, like maybe the only thing that was. I guess, yeah. I mean, they, they, the texture for all of them was way too mushy. It just, it, it, the, the, the, the, the, the, the mozzarella sticks were the worst. I mean, they were just like limp, flaccid. The, the, the poppers were, I mean, I guess I liked the flavor of them a little bit more, but because they had a little bit of spice to them, but that was a fucking horrible

appetizer sampler platter. I've had a lot of those in my life. I thought the mozzarella sticks were girthy and strong personally, but. Yeah, those were rough. It was, it was, it was, it was maybe like one of the worst appetizer platters I've ever had. I feel like across the board, I was like, I was getting middle school cafeteria from everything. It was such a bummer.

The, so then you get into the meal itself, the meal proper, and again, you have to order their stuff in advance, but you do get to choose super salad on the day. And I, there, they have a vegetable soup. The vegetable soup is not vegetarian. I opted for the salad and I'm glad I did because that salad was a highlight. It was just a very standard middle school. Yeah. Like, like middle school cafeteria, sort of, you know, dinner salad with a single cherry tomato,

one of the highlights and ranch dressing, but it was, it was fine. It was unobjectionable. They didn't give us an option other than ranch, right? Just pure ranch. Yeah. You get ranch, ranch or ketchup. Those are your dressing options. Well, I think we have to also just talk about the soup I got because I got the,

Oh, I was saving the soup because you, yes, the vegetable soup. The soup, a tomato, this, it was supposed to be tomato, I thought, right? I thought it was a tomato vegetable soup. I mean, they might call it a tomato soup, but on there, on the, on the website, it's referred to as vegetable soup. It was so, it was one of the grossest things I've ever tasted on this podcast. It was really, yeah, the bottom of the fucking barrel. It was horrible.

Confusingly bad. Like you tasted it and you were like, huh? Like you're, you're like, like just immediately like, whoa. Like what, what, what's gone bad here? Like you don't even, you can't even wrap your head around what, what the tastes are that have gone bad. Like it, it was, it was confusing more than anything. It was like taking a sip of bong water.

I was like, this is, you're not supposed to drink this. That's fucking vile. I did feel like I tasted it too. I felt like it was like tomato sauce from a can that had been thinned with water and then not seasoned in any way. Yeah. Yes. Because it is also, and it was also chunky.

You were like getting like you could chew it too. It's clumpy. You know what? I'm, I'm, I'm maybe, I'm maybe coming around to Eva's theory. I think that's not a bad theory. I think it might have been just like a, like a giant can of marinara that they dump into a pot and then, then thin out with water and dilute with water. I mean, that's, that's the closest approximation to what it actually tasted like.

It was a really bad and, and look, that's the, that's the thing you, you like get that right. Have a nice like warm carafe of soup to start things off with. Warm crock of soup. It was so bad. And like I want to, because the thing I liked about it was that was like a, like a handle. There was like a, like, you know, like you could, you could, you sipped the soup. That was fun. That feels priority.

And it was just so, so bad. Yeah. I should have gotten the salad. And it's the fact that the salad was a highlight. Like it was a fine, it was a fine shitty salad. It was like a, like Eva said, it was like, this is like a school cafeteria salad, but it had, you know, a nice ranch on it. And was there cheese on their wigs?

Is that what helped? No, it was just, no, it was just, just like carrot shavings in my memory. So the, so then you get to the main course. And so you could get the, you get chicken, which I think Eva got. They had a, you could also get a, the vegetarian entree was a butternut squash ravioli with Alfredo sauce. That's what I got. You could also add a lobster tail, a turkey leg or shrimp skewers.

We ended up having all of them in some configuration. Like I forget who got what, I think John got a turkey leg. Mitch got a turkey leg too. Eva, you got shrimp skewers. There was a lobster tail or two on the table. So we try, we try to everything. Yeah. And they say add lobster tail or shrimp skewers, but that was an entire full entree with all the sides.

Yes. That's what's confusing. It's, it's a second entree. And it's not like, Hey, I'm going to replace my entree with this upgraded entree. It's like, no, you get your right, you get your chicken. You also get your shrimp skewers that comes with more like frozen vegetables. And yeah, the nasty sides, yeah, mashed potatoes, frozen vegetables that were, were not good in mashed potatoes that were like just tasted like the box.

Like it just tasted like boxed mashed potatoes. They did not feel, it did not taste like there was a real potato in any of them. I, it was, it, the turkey leg sucked. It was like dry and bad. And this is like a $15 upgrade, by the way. Like this is supposed to be, this is like, you're getting like the Rolls Royce of the dinners with this turkey leg. And it's, and it was, did you try it Eva?

It was, it was like fucking nasty as hell. It was, it was rancid. Yeah. It was chili bad. I had to take a bite. It's like, it also tasted microwaved. It was wild. It was like, and then, you know, like turkey leg is like a wonderful fare food,

like a cooked on a grill. Nothing better than like a nicely done smoked turkey leg. Amazing. This was not that. No, the lobster tail was another highlight. The lobster tail was decent. It may just be the sort of thing of like, you can't really ruin a lobster tail with some drawn butter.

So I thought that was okay. Yeah. Because I thought that that would be bad too. And it was actually the cook was okay. Like that was the highlight of the meal for me. Even though, how were the shrimp? They were, they felt a little undercooked. I took one bite and I was like, nope.

I'm not dying. I'm not dying here tonight. I mean, I could do a thing. There's a thing where like you could eat all the shrimp and then when the pirates eat you, they die. So it could be like a pre sabotage to protect or just get immediate revenge on the pirates by poisoning my blood with the whole shrimp skewer. But I didn't feel like that was worth it.

Yeah. The other thing that happens that's confusing about the upgrades is you get a glass of champagne or apple cider as well. And you know, our server was great, brought enough for all of us. But like there was a certain point, Mitch, where I think you had like four drinks because of how things were brought out. That's why it's because when it starts off, you can get a choice of any Pepsi products that you like.

So I chose myself a nice regular Pepsi to fill up my cup. But I also had from the bar, I had a drink from the bar and I asked the bartender, this is actually because there were a couple I had my eyes on, which were the orange pirate drink was dash Andres Grog. And then also the other one I had my eye on was the Captain Sebastian. Captain Sebastian is Captain Morgan, Coconut Rum, Captain Morgan, Spiced Rum, Orange Juice, Cranberry Juice, and Pineapple Juice. The orange pirate was Captain Morgan, Pineapple Rum, Triple Sec, and Orange Juice.

And I was like, I asked the bartender, I was like, which one do you like? Which one do you like better? And he was like, I like the orange pirate drink. I think maybe this one was just an easier one to make. But it just tasted like orange juice and rum. It was like truly just tasted like it was like a drink that I would make when I was 16 years old, which is like putting Captain Morgan's into orange juice and drinking it. It was, which I used to call a hurricane Mitch Wags for a while.

But I was severely disappointed. It was like so orange juice forward that I eventually did get the Captain Sebastian. And that was pretty good. And the champagne was fine. And the apple cider thing was fine too. The apple cider flute. And that would be fun for kids to have or whatever. Oh yeah, that'd be a blast.

But, but yeah, I, the drinks over all besides that Captain Sebastian, I was kind of like, meh, I thought they were just okay. We got, John and I got the old man in the sea, the old man in the sea. I am, which is, I don't think that's it. But that was tangerine gin, lime juice, bitter, soda water and a dash of salt. This drink was fucking delicious. It was super refreshing. It was like a gin ranch water because it had lime and salts, a little bit of bitters.

We got two of these. We love them. I would like make this at home. Also, side note, John wanted me to tell you guys he's been walking around drinking out of the cup, which is very handy. And it's become like his cup he's been using all week for just like drinking a lacroix and stuff because it, it doesn't leave a ring because it's got a stem. And it's huge and it's really, it's really cool.

So we, we love the cups too, the souvenir cups. The cup is great. And when you buy a drink, you get the cup. I mean, it's a $20 drink or whatever, but you get the cup and the cup is, the cup's great. The cup is good. Well, cause you got, you got like the, the, the little cup that you turn it in. It has the parts moving or whatever.

I took it home with me. Yeah, I got, I got one of the 3D, the, like, it's like a 3D, you know, whatever that coating is, like a, like a, kind of a, it's like a plastic cup that's got some sort of 3D effect on the outside. And the. When you turn it, they warn you not to eat your meal. It's a, I got a non-alcoholic mango smoothie, which I found very refreshing. It was good.

And they do have some, some non-alcoholic options there, which is nice. I'm sure fun for kids and fun for non-drinkers. So yeah, I think the, I think the bar was, was great. You can definitely get an overly sweet drink if you want to go that direction. I didn't realize, and I wish I'd known this, Cutthroat Jack has his own drink. You can get the Cutthroat Jack, which is whiskey, amaretto, and cranberry juice. Probably be pretty sweet, but that, that, that would have been fun. I love Cutthroat Jack too.

I know we've been talking about how there's like, the cast was great, but I think Cutthroat Jack was absolutely like the star. He's such a. He was fucking awesome. That's why I was so shocked that he didn't, he wasn't, you know, I thought he was going to be like the winner, you know, but. The Navy won. I would like for him to win.

We got invested in him. There, so that the, the show, we don't need to go through the whole narrative. Yeah, then the Navy wins. Weirdly, weirdly authoritarian. In terms of the outcome. The military is good. Oh, the summary is on the website of, of what happens. We forgot about Solzana's Eye.

Yeah, that's a whole thing. Oh yeah, the Rutus crew of Vampirates, led by the Dark Soul of Cap and Sebastian, the Black, have set sail for Treasure Bay with one thing in their mind, the Solzana's Eye. This necklace possesses magical powers beyond imagination as in, and in the hands of the Captain, Sebastian the Black, will allow him to escape the Curse of the Night and sail the seas during the day. That's right, they become, they can become day walkers basically. Basically, yeah.

But we're supposed to like them, like we're cheering for them. So don't we want them to become day walkers? No, we hate them. You should be a part of the Pirates crew. You should be, there's just a lot of confusing script stuff. Well, halfway through, we became, did you catch that we became pirates halfway through? Yeah, we were inducted. We were inducted, that's right.

I forgot, sorry. I think, I told, I told, I saw on the menu that the script was written by Koalic. Also, we started a rumor that someone we knew worked down there and a lot of people started to believe it and we can't really talk about it, but it was funny. We can't know, yeah. He said he played first mate McGee. McGee was a, yeah, we said it was something we do. It was apparently too plausible and we almost got in trouble, so.

People ran with the rumor. Why does not it have a try guys apology? So yeah, McGee is like the comic relief. By the way, John was doing a funny, I had a funny running bit Eva throughout the show where he was just seeming to, he was just pretending to be really invested in the narrative. McGee, McGee like comes out and he like introduces the show, explains the show to you up top and then there's a point where McGee like gets kidnapped and he's gonna be like, he's gonna be thrown in the brig and he's like, he's like, here John was like,

oh, not McGee. He was our way in. By the way, for the guy who was our way in and that we care about being put in the brig or whatever in early honor, then becomes a bad guy later on. He turns into a bad guy. It's so confusing. It's a little confusing. And also I will say that there are not enough pop culture jokes.

They're just sparse enough where you're like, oh yeah, right. They just talked about a fucking cancel culture or something. But it's like, wait, it's been 20 minutes without one of those. So it confused me. We're gonna get cutthroat jack into our Zucker Pirates movie. He'd be great. Oh yeah. Be awesome.

There will be nothing but pop culture jokes. Yes. It'll be like the genie from the Ellen show. Do you remember any of the pop culture jokes from the show? I was trying to like, I should have written some down because at the time I was like, oh wait, yeah, what's that? What's that reference saying? I do remember there was a point when cutthroat jack just had a little seven-year-old girl

on stage and talked to her for like 15 minutes just while he made her a pirate. And I think some of, he was saying like weird pop culture references to the seven-year-old girl that there's no way she would. She would understand it. I think there was Captain Sebastian actually. It's Captain Sebastian. He's heavy lifting. I'm sorry, I meant to say Captain Sebastian, sorry.

Yeah. He was just talking, mom logging at this girl who was doing a very good job being tough. But he was making like, not snooki jokes, but like basically that, right? Yes. Right. There was like a twerk joke or something, right? Wasn't there like some sort of dance joke? That sounds right.

Yeah, twerking was reference. I think there was a twerk reference. I think there was a twerk reference. Like that stuff is fine and I get it, but it's just like go for it or just get it out of there. It was kind of in the middle ground of not quite enough of it. But overall, the show was not the issue. It was the food. I guess we should get to the rest of it, which we get dessert, which was a chocolate cake

with raspberry sauce. I mean, this was like not even an Entenmann's tier cake. This was just like a generic store brand grocery store cake, although those can be pretty good sometimes. So maybe that's not quite right. Yeah, this is just a bad prepared dessert, like dessert that was clearly packaged and cut up. It was bad. I mean, like never have I ever thought that I would like just like leave some dessert,

but I did. Like I didn't have to eat all the dessert. I was scared of it. I was like, I started eating it. I was like, this might make me sick too. Like this is like, I had like, and I never felt that about cake. But I was like, what if something's wrong with the cake? I was getting like very paranoid about the food by the end.

I mean, I was genuinely concerned with the turkey leg that I would have some sort of food poisoning, which I did not. Yes. I'll give the credit for that, but the fear was there. I'll also say that the way that everything is paced out, you get your, your meal is complete pretty early on. And then there is so much show left. Yeah.

So you're just kind of dazed in full for like the back 90 minutes. And I do kind of maybe wish things were a little bit more measured slash the show was just a little tighter. This is such a funny way to open up the fucking. Oh, we've done so far as pirates booty. And now pirates dinner adventure. And it clearly sucks. Well, like the food was horrible.

I'll defend the show. I'll defend the show really great food was truly bad. And look, I think that a part of it is maybe we're there on like a Wednesday night. They're at least, you know, like a, you know, the night where there's not a lot of people there. It's not a Friday night. Things aren't, you know, things aren't coming out of the kitchen like they are on Friday. You know, we got the, they have the two previous days off, right? Like they don't, they don't.

I think they only take Monday off. I think they only take Monday off. I think it's six days a week. I get what you're saying, Mitch, but also like, I don't think this was like, if you go on Friday, like, oh, that's when the food works. No, I think that's being charitable, but it's also like just bad quality product. I mean, like we've talked about the vegetables, you can tell that's just like a big bag of frozen veggies, frozen, frozen squash and carrots.

It's, it's just a part of this. There's just so many people that work there. I'm like, I'm like, this is expensive because like with four of us, like the night probably came to like $600, which by the way, expensive. That's like Disney. You could go to, you could take your family to Disney. Yeah. It's like $600.

So I am like, I'm like, that's a ton of money. Yeah. And the quality should be better. But then I'm also like, well, there's also 14 people on stage right now. So that's like, there's like 14 people on stage and then there's like a staff of like 15 more. There's like 30 people working that night at least, right? Look, yes. I'm all for places that are an experience.

I'm all for like, hey, this is a, this is a, you know, this is a cafe by the sea. It's got this amazing view. The food's fine, but the view is like a knockout. But it made me think of, you know, a place that's like that was, where do we go? Ivers in Seattle, where we're like, hey, this is a great location. This view is awesome. You're right by the bay, but the food just fucking sucks. And the food's got to at least be passable.

And I think that's the issue here. Is it like- I'm remembering that meal now compared to Pirates' Dinner Adventure. It's the best meal I've had in my life. Way better. If this was Iversed here, yeah, if this, no, if this dinner was Iversed here, I would, I would feel more favorably about this place. But like, the, the, the food, the meal's got to just like, at least just get the job done.

It's got to, and I get that they got to cut costs. I get that they got to keep food costs low. They probably got to minimize the number of people they have in the kitchen. So it's got to be stuff that's easy to prep. It's not going to be farm to table. It's not going to be fine dining. But I think it should at least be like, eye hop level. You know what I mean?

Like if this, if this was like a bad eye hop, I would be thrilled. Set up at the snack bar, like have a snack bar at the bar, with just like hot dogs and popcorn. Yes. And like nachos. Honestly, Eva, because you're not even getting like, it doesn't really, with medieval times, it's like, oh, you get like a turkey leg and you eat it like it's medieval times or whatever.

Yeah, you eat it without utensils. That's why I got the turkey leg the night of the Pirate's Dinner Adventure. But I'm like, they're not even really trying to make it seem piratey. Like there's no like, hey, we're going to give you grog or whatever. Like they don't try to do that. It's like we got Pepsi. And by the way, our server who was great, when our, she was talking to us and telling us everything, when Jack, Captain Jack had his little solo.

So we like, we didn't even understand what Captain Jack's whole thing was up top. That's another, that's another pacing thing that's that you'll like, you'll meals will be brought out at like key plot points, even stuff where like, hey, this is specifically for your section. And it's just like, oh man, this is kind of a bummer. I just wish there was a little bit more rhythm to the service. And I don't, I'm sure it's not anyone's fault in particular. I feel so bad with this review.

I can't believe this. I feel sad. Talking about the, the, the theming as well. Like just, just, you know, like the, the, the food, I feel like there's an opportunity to have like piratey, you know, fair and there's nothing like that. Just making hot dogs and hamburgers instead. Right. Like that's clearly cheaper and you could make a better version.

Like I would have, if I had a plate of hot fries and a cheeseburger, I would have been happier if it was like, you know, like mid-level quality compared to like bad quality turkey leg. Yeah. Make it look like a baseball game. Yes. Yeah. That would be great.

It was just, just like ball game concessions. Let me, let me read down the list of entrees. Pirate's pork entree. Okay. Oh no. Roasted chicken entree. So happy I didn't get that. So not even an attempt there.

Vegetarian entree or vegan entree. Those are your options. I don't know, put pirates in front of all of them. You did punch up on that menu, right? Yeah. I said, I said, just, just call the pork one pirates. And the rest leave as is. That's it. They, they, so they, that's so funny that they just were like, well, like pirates pork.

Man, the other one's. Yeah. Plundered chicken. I don't fucking know. Give, give me something. Honestly, Eva's right. If you went nachos, I'd be like, that's funny. I'll take the nachos.

Yeah. I'd love that. I'd love some nachos. And they're clearly like the fact that you have to order your entree ahead of time means that they're not wasting a single penny on like making food they don't serve. 100%. Yeah. But you, and yet, and yet. And yet, yeah.

Well, look, we should get to our final, our final thoughts on Pirate's Dinner Adventure. I don't, I don't, I, you know, I honestly don't even know how I'm going to score this. So when it gets to me, I'm going to figure it out because I, I'm very conflicted about this. Why? I'm going to say this. Here's, here's, here's what I'm going to say. We're going to rate the restaurant as a whole out of pieces of eight. Like, like Griffin Newman had set up that it's going to be a pieces of eight is the ring system.

Then I think for the performers, we can have a rating of zero to five skull and cross bones. You can break those down to thirds too. Either two, two bones and a skull, you know what I'm saying? So rating dinner and show, dinner and show separately. I think that you can rate overall and then rate show and performers if you'd like to on, on its own. Okay. Okay. So, so Eva, zero to five pieces of eight for the meal and then zero to five skull and cross bones for the show. I'll do, for the meal, extremely what we all said.

One piece of eight for the refreshing beverage and the delightful glass. Five out of five skull and cross bones. Incredible, incredible performers. Oh wait, am I doing a back to back? Yeah, no, that's perfect. Okay, cool. Five out of five, five out of five. It's hard for me because like overall, look, if you want with a group of friends, you're going to have fun.

They need to make the food better. Like the show could have been as confusing as it is. The coming in could have been like as bland as it is and like, and the drinks could be just what they are too. And like Eva said, she had a good drink. Like you're going to be fine on that end. But the food just has to be better and the food is really, really not good. And maybe we had a bad night.

I don't know. But like overall, because of that, I'm straight up giving the performers five out of five skull and cross bones. They get, they get, they get gold wigs. Yes. They're platinum. They did a great job. I was laughing.

I was scared. I was horny. Every, I ran the gamut. Mostly horny. Mostly horny. It's like what a horny is. It's insanely horny. And also like people pair up that you're like, huh?

Like a, like just a random pirate and a princess and then like the mermaid and another pirate. You're like, why are they coupling these people off? I don't really understand this. And then it's four, kind of like a showdown later. I think they're probably just fucking in real life. That's what I think. That's kind of what I assumed.

Yeah. I also, by the way, after the show, I left with so much stuff for a hoarder. I have like eight, eight new things in my house from pirates dinner adventure. One is a beautifully framed photo of the four of us with little water in front of it, which is great. But I have two new cups and then like three things of pictures, which I will treasure forever. But the performance is great. Everyone in there is great afterwards.

We got a VIP picture taken with, with the performers and they were kind of like, what the fuck are you three adults doing? Because it'd be even wider. I think John opted out of the picture, which is good. But they're, I think they were kind of like, what the fuck are you three doing here? And we were like, it was great. You guys were great. And they were very nice.

But overall, the place is going to get two and a half, two and a half pieces of eight. Overall, the food is, so we are giving an overall score. I'm saying overall two and a half pieces of eight, performers five out of five skull and crossbones. And then like Eva said, like it's a, for food, it's like barely a one. Yeah. Not even.

I mean, like it's like, it's closer to a zero. This is, this is, the food was as bad as, what was the worst one we had there, that restaurant that we went to? The, for a long time it was caros. I don't know if caros has ever quite been. It was, it was like, but it were, like the turkey leg reminded me of the caro spiderweb of fucking pulled pork. It reminded, it was just like dry and shitty.

So this, the meal is one of the worst meals we've had on dope boys. It's maybe the worst. And that's got to get better. Yeah. I mean, if you improve, if you just made burgers and nachos, it's, you're almost in the golden play club for God's sakes. You're going to have a blast. Or just, just upgrade.

If you're going to do, if you want to do the sit down concepts to justify the cost, if you have to feel like to, that's going to feel like a more of a, than just like upgrade the product, you know, maybe, honestly, even some, some, some frozen broccoli florets instead of that vegetable medley. Just give me fucking something, you know. Give Maison a pass. Get Craig Maison to take a pass at the script. Maison will punch it up.

Um, the food was, was truly terrible. It was, and, and I, I hate to say it because I did overall like my, I did overall have a fun memorable night, but it was just, this was, this was, I think, I don't, I don't think I have to, to, to put a conditional on. I think this is the worst meal we've had in dope boys history. I think this is the single worst culinary experience we've ever had. Carol's is really bad, but it's, Carol's was really bad, but I'd rather have a fucking breakfast from Carol's 10 times than I eat the food at pirate dinner,

pirate's dinner adventure again. It's bad. The food is truly bad. Yeah. Buried at the bottom of the ocean. And I, I, I give it zero pieces of eight. I'm going to give the show, I honestly think like as a show, you know, it is a little bit long, but it is, it is ferociously entertaining.

And I think especially, this is targeted at families. And from that standpoint, yes, I agree. Five skull and cross bones. And yeah, we just have to average them out to get two and a half pieces of eight overall. Two and a half pieces of eight overall is, yeah, I, I, I give, I get zero pieces of eight to the food, to the meal. It was, it was awful. The meal was fucking horrible.

And it's, it's a bummer that that was, that's kind of like one of the lingering things about it. Because the actual show I thought was, we all, we all had a blast. And the experience overall, you know, could use some plusing up, but was, was pretty fun. Yarg. Yarg. Yarg. Yarg. Yarg.

Yarg. Yarg. Should we, I feel like we, we should end on a little bit more of a positive note. Is there a way we could do in the pirate movie, like there's like a dirty pirate or something. Like there's like a dirt, there's like a dirty hermit they find on a deserted island. They're like, ah, we got, we got to rescue you. And then, uh, the Queer Eye Guy show up to give him a makeover.

That's pretty good. Yeah, that's pretty good. Also, one of the pirates should be on 90 day fiance. I need my green card. Something like, you know, I don't know. I know this is coming out next year or the year after, but I do think we should have a crisp pine pirate get spit on. That's good.

Oh, that's great. Yeah. Yeah. That's really good. Yeah. By a, like a, by a pirate, by a young pirate. That's really good. Yeah.

And he gets spit on and is like, ah, that, that, that's scurvy dog spit on me. And then the other pirates like, ah, don't worry, darling. Like, oh, that's, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. That's, that goes in the commercial actually. The, the television, the TV spot. Also the whole, the whole time they're like, don't go up to the crow's nest. Don't go up to the crow's nest.

And at the end of the movie, one of the guys go up to the crow's nest and it's Russell Crowe and he's like, I'm gonna fight you. Like something like that. It's fucking great. Uh, look, we could pitch on this all day, but right now we gotta take a break. We'll be back with more dough boys. Hey you. You craving fresh, delicious, easy meals.

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So Mitch and I got to chat with the man who portrayed cutthroat Jack at our Pirate's Dinner Adventure. His name is Jeff Budner. He's an actor and stunt performer who's appeared on 911 and pertinent to us. He portrayed a sentient strawberry in a Wienerschnitzel commercial. Wow. Anyway, it was a really fun chat. Let's take a listen.

Jeff Budner, thank you so much for doing this. We talk about it on the episode, but we love the show so much and we're really, really excited you're here with us. Well, I'm so happy to be here. Thank you so much for having me. This is a treat for us. And also we actually got a pirate wise. I mean like a performance pirate.

No one else has any connections. The whole month is about pirates, Jeff. I don't know if you know that. It's called Yark Dober Chest. I did see that. Yeah, we have you here now. You can't leave. I'm not going anywhere.

I'm so happy and excited. Well, very excited to have you. Just starting generally, Jeff, how did you get started in acting and stunt performing? So I've always wanted to be an actor since I can remember because I was a child of the 90s. So I grew up on Ninja Turtles and Power Rangers and Batman and Star Wars. And I always was like, oh, I want to, I want to be an actor because like I get to do stuff like that. So I went to, I started taking acting lessons at South Coast Repertory in Southern California.

I got into the Orange County High School of the Arts in the music and theater conservatory. Went to Cal State Fullerton to get my degree in theater. Decided I did not like Cal State Fullerton. It just wasn't the school for me. So I transferred to the University of the Arts finished my training there. Got my Bachelor of Fine Arts and Theater Arts with an emphasis in acting. Loved Philadelphia.

It was a great city. But decided I was a Cali boy. So I came back when I graduated in 2011 and I've just been trying to work as an actor ever since. I worked at Disneyland. I was doing theater stuff. But then when I got into Pirate's Dinner Adventure, one of the dinner theater stunt shows in Southern California, I realized working with like side by side with people who are actually doing stunts

in the industry and like learning fights. I was doing it a more of an acting role, but there were some stunts to it. And I was like, oh, the reason I wanted to be an actor was because I wanted to do this. I wanted to fight with the swords and fall through the air and fly on wires. And the people that I was working with, I asked questions and I trained and I learned and was able to get connected to other resources within the stunt community. And just decided I was like, oh, this is really what I want to do. I love acting.

And that's definitely a skill that I'm going to keep in my back pocket. But I want to get paid to fight with swords. Like that's five-year-old Jeff's dream. Yes. So since then I really buckled down. I got my SAG card and I've just been pursuing a career, whatever will pay me, but doing either stunt work or acting or luckily sometimes both. That's great.

Fighting with swords is way cooler than Nick and I who just fight with words on a podcast. Yes, very good. Well, I mean, the pen is not even the sword. But we don't use a pen. Jeff, what did you do at Disney? What was your job at Disney? So I started off as a ride operator. All my friends and I were graduating from high school and they were getting jobs at Disney

and I was like, I want to do that. So I ended up, I tried to audition for entertainment to be in the character department, doing, being friends with people or hosting or doing whatever. And I couldn't get it. And I said, damn it, Disney will hire me for something. So I ended up being a ride operator and as luck would have it, I was a ride operator on Star Tours. Wow.

I'm a big Star Wars nerd. So I was like, yeah. Yeah, that was fun. Yeah, no, that was fun. So I got to do that. And then I briefly got to pilot the Nemo, the Finding Nemo voyage subs. Wow. Before I did make it into the entertainment department, I danced in a few parades.

I was friends with many characters and just got to do a few, a bunch of cool opportunities that presented itself there. And I'm going to keep my mouth shut before I get myself in trouble with Disney. It is the, I'm curious because the way you articulated it in terms of like, like you trained as an actor, you're working as an actor, and then you started working in Pirate's Dinner Adventure. And did that kind of back you in to stunt performing? Like were you less focused on stunts at that point?

And more were just sort of like, you know, traditional theater actor? Yes, actually. So weapons and like theatrical combat was always something that fascinated me. And I did some of that in college, but they're just, I wasn't finding the right things that were like sparking that passion. So I was like, oh, I'm just going to pursue being an actor. And so I was working at Disney. I was like, well, hey, this is I'm performing while I'm just trying to get myself out there

as an actor. But then it was when I got hired at Pirate's Dinner Adventure, when I was surrounded by all that, and I'm playing on a big like jungle gym, like your inner kid just comes out. And that was when I really was like, oh, oh, no, no, I want to go do that thing. And then also the first time I was on a set as an extra, like I'd been doing professional theater before, but I'd never been on a film set. So I was like, oh, I'll take this extra opportunity that just kind of happened to come my way so I

can see what sets are like. And that was when I saw the actors who were like, they're all day and waiting and then like having to emotionally prep for that one scene at the end of the day. Right. And then the stunt guys came in at the end of the day, we're just chit chatting, and then they lit a car on fire. I'm like, that's that. That's what I want to do.

Like I can do that. And if I need to, I will. But I don't have to emotionally wreck myself for that. I emotionally wreck myself without getting paid to do it enough. Stunt guys are always cooler. I mean, there's, there's no doubt about it. And you know what, Jeff? It was a, it was a great reveal for us while we were watching the show.

And then there's a whole trampoline segment. And then you went up and cutthroat, you were cutthroat Jack, correct? Is that your cutthroat Jack? And you want to, which we should have gotten your drink. Why? So I realize that now, but. We didn't realize there was a cutthroat Jack drink until after we left. I know.

Yeah. I know. We fucked up big time. But you, so the trampolines revealed and we were like, our guy's about to go. And then you kicked ass. It was great for us. It was huge for us. We were, we were very excited.

But yeah, I know you, you, you, you were great on that trampoline. But I wanted to ask from your perspective, you see two doughy men who look like they're in their late fifties, sitting there watching the, watching the show. What did you childless? We should add childless with our good friends, even John. But what, what, what did, what did you do? Could you tell that we were going to be okay audience members?

We were really cheering for you. Yeah. No, I absolutely could. They're like, the fact that you didn't have kids wasn't weird at all. We get plenty of people who just love the atmosphere, love pirates, love action, love drinking or some combination thereof. And yeah, anyone who's into it and participating just, I'm like, okay, cool. You understand what you bought.

Like people who buy tickets and the refuse participate. I'm like, why are you here? Yeah. Yeah. Right. People who refuse to clap. I'm like, you knew what this was, right?

I wanted a serious pirate show. Oh, you came to the wrong pirate show. It's funny you mentioned, you were talking about, you saw the car on fire and when we talked to you after the show, you, you mentioned, we, you gave us your name and then you told us your Instagram profile pic was you on fire. You've definitely dabbled in the sort of the pyro side of things. I mean, what is it like to be lit on fire? If you do it right, you don't feel it at all, honestly.

Wow. It's very, so the way fire burns work, if you do it properly and for anyone listening, this is not an instructional guide. I am not telling you to go do this unless you have proper stunt people supervising and proper stunt fire protection. Yeah. I appreciate this warning because our dumb listeners probably are ready to light themselves on fire right now.

Currently flicking lighters right now as they're listening. All right. Tell me what's next. I'm probably doing a terrible thing by explaining how this works, but so there's something called Nomex, which is basically fire resistant clothing, fire resistant cloth. You take two to three layers of that and you soak it in a specific gel that soaks in and acts as in basically the gel is what's catching and cooling the heat down. Got it.

Yeah. And then the fuel you put on top of that is what's burning. So the more fuel you put, it's on top instead of getting soaked in. So you have basically three layers. As a performer, you're putting on the Nomex that has been soaked in the gel, two to three layers of that, and then close on top of that, then you fuel the clothes. So it's the fuel and the clothes that are burning. And then if the burn is longer, it's getting to the gel on top of the Nomex,

which is slowing down the burn. And then if it gets to the Nomex, you really have to let it burn through a lot to get to the skin. So there's all those layers of safety there. That's wild. Yeah. But the cool thing is that if you do it properly, you really don't feel it at all. And if you do, that means that someone who prepped you didn't do something right.

They missed a spot. Right. Yeah. Koalic prepped you. And so you just have like a goopy feel, basically. Basically, you know how if you go... Our listeners can relate to that, by the way. Our listeners can.

I'm sure they can. Imagine diving into a swimming pool with all your clothes on, like a jacket and heavy pants and coming out, and then putting a layer of dry clothes on over that, and then trying to run or do stuff. That's kind of what it feels like. Mitch, have you ever gotten into a pool with all your clothes on? I've done that a couple of times. Of course, I'm a fat guy.

I've done it plenty of times. I didn't mean to like that. Jeff, oh, I left my hoodie on when I'm in the pool. Jeff, I got a question for you. As far as are you a fan of pirates? Are you a fan of pirate movies, pirate films? Pirate movies and pirate films. Pirate movies, pirate shows, just the leg...

Like, you know, all of those things, you know, all of that stuff. And then also, my second follow-up question is, did you see a spike at Pirates Dinner Adventure when, you know, like with a lot of these kind of, like the last seven to eight years, a lot of some of these prestige shows of, you know, even Game of Thrones, kind of pirate adjacent or whatever, and black sails, and all these shows. Did you see an uptick in people coming to the show?

I would say that everything's been pretty consistent, because Pirates Dinner Adventure happened to open when the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie dropped. Okay, all right. So they kind of took a shot in the dark by opening a pirate show, and luckily the stars aligned and... Culturally, Americans started to love pirates because of Johnny Depp. And then as the pirates fed...

And Captain Phillips, that was part of it. But as pirates, like the Pirates of the Caribbean, like, is sloping down in popularity, other things are starting to come up and take that place. So the love has been pretty consistent, I would say. Yeah. Like, you still, you see that kind of stuff at the Pirates invasion at Long Beach or... Yeah.

Like, all that stuff. So pirates are still in. It's kind of timeless. And I also feel like it is like, you know, I feel like fantasy and adventure kind of shows have come back. Absolutely. Nick, you got into stuff with pirates after the Johnny Depp trial, right? That's when you kind of got into the pirate world.

Yeah, I just started wearing the Captain Jack Sparrow hat with the built-in wig. During the trials. Just solidarity. It's solidarity for Johnny. I'm curious, Jeff, as we're... Because your Pirates Dinner Adventure, the particular franchise, is like, it's like Pirates Dinner Adventure, then there's a Porto's, which is a local bakery chain for people who are in LA.

And then right next to that is Medieval Times. And is there like, is there any crossover between you and Medieval Times? Is there a friendly rivalry? Are you friends? There's a not-so-friendly rivalry. Wow. So I mean, just on like the higher up level from what I see, I got no issues at the Nights.

And I have friends who have worked both shows simultaneously. I got friends who do the show now. But pirates actually broke away from Medieval Times. The original owners. Were kind of part of the Spanish group that founded Medieval Times in Spain. And because they developed it in Spain, and then first opened in America, in Jersey. And there were, as Medieval Times is getting more popular,

there was a small bubble that says, hey, we want to, we think we could do this and make the show better. But the majority said, no, we've got a pretty good template. We want to stick to this. And they said, fine, we're going to go off and do our own thing. And so they opened Pirates. Again, luckily, right when Pirates of the Caribbean opened. So as performers, I've seen the show.

I got respect for what they do. They're just two different shows. But I guess on the management level, things could get... It's hard. Like, I guess during COVID, there was one side that was more willing to be communicative of things just like procedures for businesses than the other. So it's kind of interesting to just watch them eat the popcorn. Yeah.

Were you part of Pirate's Dinner Adventure during COVID? And because that's obviously something that would be extremely perilous, particularly perilous for a show like yours. Yes. We were down for 15 months. Wow. Yeah. We tried to come back a few times.

Y'all, I can't taste me grog is what I was thinking. Kinda. When COVID first started, before everything, we all realized how serious this was going to be. I was like, no, we got to keep Pirates open because alcohol kills germs. So if I drink rum, then I'm cured. Solid logic. Pirate logic. I feel like the entertainment world itself was stopped and then the restaurant world

also just completely stopped so that you got a combination of the two. It must have been hard to not perform. Nick, you had retired from performing at that point, so I don't think that you cared. But there was not being on stage for basically for over a year was kind of sucked for a lot of people. Well, that's part of it too. Yeah, just having a creative outlet. Aside from just having a place to work, like, hey, this is what pays my rent. There's also the element of like, hey, I got into performing because I love it

and because I love being in front of an audience and now that's not even a possibility. All right, Jeff, I got a question. I got a dog of a question because we burned up in the medieval times. When we talked about medieval times with Eva Wags, you're a happily married man. But do some audience members go gaga-googoo for some of your performers? They're you getting numbers left and right? Yeah, maybe. I love it.

Yes, flirting is part of the job. I mean, we're shirtless, sweaty pirates. People coming up and like, you know, getting really friendly during the meet and greets or trying to find out how they can connect with you after the show. And I'm friendly, part of the job, but like, you know, I'm not going to do anything inappropriate. The funny thing is, though, that I met my wife at Pirates. Wow, I love to hear it. She was a server and she liked hanging out with us because, ironically,

she found the actors less dramatic than the other servers. So she was always hanging out. And it was good. So when we started, like, officially dating, whenever she could, she would be sitting because that's when I was primarily doing, I was the purple pirate most of the time. And she would often sit in my crew. And afterwards, I would like, you know, during the show, I would see her just being friendly and flirting with like different tables.

And she would see me flirting with the people coming up for meet and greets afterwards. And we'd come together. It's like, did you get any tips? It's like, yeah, I got a hundred. I was like, man, I only got 30 today. And that's one of the reasons I love her. Like, there was never any insecurity or jealousy about that. We know it's just part of the job, but we're coming to each other at the end of the night.

A pirate love story. I love it. That's fantastic. Jeff, did they mix up who wins? Like, you know, what pirate does what or is it kind of set? It's set. Most of the time it's set. There are some things like two of the competitions, I think, are up for grabs.

Yeah. That's pretty much it, really. Because there's, for people who haven't seen the show, you know, there's, much like medieval times, there are elements where it's like, okay, we got a target shooting competition or we got a rope swinging competition or we got to collect these, you know, we got to pass these beanbags through the audience, hot potato style and then deposit them in a bucket. There are things like that. And yeah, it seems like some of those are, some of those are kind of preordained and some of

those are up for grabs. But I'm curious, because you mentioned being, you used to be the purple pirate. Now you're the red pirate cut throughout Jack. Like, is there, what was that casting switch? How did you end up in the different role? So I do, I do multiple roles. I was just primarily the purple pirate, but lately, just because of other performers being out, because they're doing other Halloween gigs or whatever, I happen to be doing more nights

as the red pirate. I also do the McGee role, like the MC. Oh, wow. Yeah, no, that was actually my first role. Yeah. And I used to be the blue pirate as well until we completely switched the show around. I was like, I got enough roles and I want to learn that. Wait, because McGee's kind of the, you know, he's the comic relief slash

crowd work element of it. And obviously, you know, you guys are still doing comedy as the pirates, but like that's a very different, I guess it just sort of shows how many different hats you have to wear doing this. I'm actually primarily a comedic actor. You guys saw me with my rare mean face. I'm 90% of the time. You were lighting us up.

You were doing a great job. You were great. You were doing a good job of flirting. You know, I shot my shot with a bunch of, you know, I think I, you know, tossed my number to Captain Shaw, the mermaid afterwards. I think the mermaid slapped me with her tail. Oh, no, I didn't really, I didn't really, I'm not a creep. I didn't try, but we were having a blast.

And you, honestly, you were right from the start. You were kind of pointing at us and, you know, winking at us, giving us, you know, you got us hyped up for the show. Oh, good. I'm glad to hear that. You did an excellent job. Thank you. We got to address something though.

I know that we're, we're running out of time, Nick, but we got to address something here. You were in a Wienerschnitzel commercial commercial. Yes. And you were a strawberry. The strawberry mascot from the Wienerschnitzel. The strawberry mascot. Lemonade commercial. Yeah.

Yes, the southern lemonade commercial from earlier in the summer. There, someone comes up to the counter and the two Wienerschnitzel, like their main corporate spokespeople are like, hi, welcome to Wienerschnitzel. We have all these flavors and the customer tries and was like, how do you get the flavors out? And one of them looks nervously at the other who is like, and then it cuts to the back room where there's the strawberry mascot and the cucumber mascot wrestling with the watermelon mascot in the background.

And then one of the workers is just going, squeeze him. And I go up and put my arms around the cucumber. I'm just squeezing. And then it just hard cuts back to the table, the, then behind the counter. It's like, we're not allowed to talk about it. I love it. So basically your juices and sweat are what, what the, what that's what they're saying. That's the joke.

But yeah, that was years of experience as being friends with certain Disney friends. Nine years of that all coming back and helping me with a national commercial. That's incredible. And it was the most rushed audition I've had. I'm driving back from LA. My agent is like, Hey, I need this in two hours. It's just a video of you describing what you've done mascot wise. I was like, okay.

That's insane. I rush home, self-tape, literally my blue screen. He's pointed. Jeff is pointing behind him. I have one of those set up in my, in my house too. Wags, Wags has seen it. Yep. Yeah.

And I did that and just put some clips of me from Disney. And then my agent texted me in the middle of the morning. He's like, Hey, you booked it. I was like, that's fucking great. I wish they could all be that easy. I'm picturing Ari gold for Monterage. Like we need you in a strawberry suit. Two hours.

It is very funny that no matter what it is also it is also we need this in two hours. No matter what it is. Always. Yes. It doesn't matter. Some sort of time fucking crunch. Yeah.

Well, that's great. A pirate, a strawberry, you've played some great stuff. Nick, you got any more questions? I know we're going to wrap it up. Jeff, I have one more question for you, which is from your experience doing the show, do you think you could swing it as a real pirate? Great question.

My answer is no for me. From my experience with the show? Yeah. No. My experience with the show combined with my actual sword training, maybe. Wow. I think that Wyges's experience with being

a bit of an alcoholic would help him. Okay. Okay. Okay. Actually fair. Okay. Now my like 6% approval up now, 70% probably. Wow.

That's pretty good. I would be made to walk the plank and then break the plank probably, but I would be made to walk the plank almost immediately. I don't think I would give up. I think I would either find a way to sneak away or fight and probably die, but probably take at least two people with me.

That's pretty good. I'd definitely be dancing while someone shot at my feet, slowly reloading their single shot. Must get. Jeff, an absolute treat to talk to you. Congratulations on the show. Congratulations on your success and hope to see more from you.

Absolutely. Thank you guys so much. This was an absolute pleasure to be here. Thanks again for having me. Well, yeah. We love to have you here. And oh, shit. I was trying to come up with a pirate sign-off vlog

because I couldn't do it. Help me out here. You know what? Here we go. Do you know what a pirate's favorite letter is? What's that? You would think it's R, but we love the C.

That's good. And on that note, that's really good. And also, I'm glad that I didn't even help you out with that. I'm supposed to go R, and you're supposed to be like, no, we couldn't even help you with that. But Jeff, thank you so much for being here. This ruled.

Thanks, Jeff. You guys rule. When you see us again, when you see Nick and I again at Pirates of Interventure, it's just us coming for fun as two 40-year-old childless adults. So we'll see you there. Anytime you want, you let me know. I'll make sure you're in my section

so that we can keep having fun together. Hell yeah. And I'll be flirting back. Hell yeah. I wouldn't have it any other way. Hey, thanks again to Jeff Budner. What a champ. Love that dude.

Just like your restaurant, we've got your feedback. Let's up with the feedback. We're back with Eva Anderson. Eva, how you doing? I'm doing great. Eva, we got an email from Jay Mech. They write,

hello from Portland. By the way, I should say that Amelia said, told me in advance, this is a weird one and not really a question. And I was like, great. I was like, great. All right, here we go. A few years ago, I stole an expensive LG washer dryer

from a storage locker in Tacoma. I was living at the facility, actually. A lot of those places have an apartment on the property, and I got to move in when they made me a manager. It was pretty small and dank, and didn't have a single appliance. And to make matters worse, the closest laundromat was across a toll bridge,

nearly 30 minutes away. I was preparing a delinquent unit for auction with my manager, and lo and behold, there was a gorgeous LG washer dryer combo in the storage space that had been sitting there for five years. At first, I joked in my head about taking them,

but I eventually gave in, and the night before the auction, I psyched myself up, went into the space, and moved them into my apartment. Long story short, I couldn't cope with the guilt of committing a crime and reached out to the rightful owner.

I confessed to what I did and promised to return the washer dryer. He was surprised but accepted my apology. Afterwards, he called my boss, the police, and later tried to sue me. Needless to say, the whole ordeal was world-shattering.

The effects of that incident continue to cause me to lose sleep on a regular basis, and the worst part is, I know I was thoroughly in the wrong. So, to this day, when I hear the LG chime, I am immediately seized by a wave of guilt and stress that follows me around for the rest of the day.

I almost fell out of my chair when I heard it during last week's drop. Anyway, thanks for the show, and I love you guys, not literally like the same way with hash browns. Good luck and don't do crime. Oh my god, wow. Here's my question.

Did the rest of the unit get auctioned off? That's what I want to know. So, did this guy get... What did he tell? He lost his whole unit of stuff, and then he got back his washer and dryer? That's like a solid win for that guy, if that happens. Major win for that guy.

You did them a solid, and then they sued you. I think the fucking lesson here is don't feel bad about stealing from rich people, because this guy had a fucking pristine LG washer-dryer that he forgot about, and a storage unit he wasn't paying for. You don't owe that guy anything. If you can steal that, that's a victimless crime.

Here's my response to it. That's what you get, you fucking thief. You're no better than the pirates in the Pirates... You know what? You're no better than a vampire. Wow. Jaymeck, I guess confessing to an act of piracy. That's why this was sent in.

It's really... I don't think there's anything to feel guilty about. I understand it being a stressful situation that you went through. Yeah, don't feel bad about it. I mean, it's such a thing to feel bad about. The cops involved, and then you probably... I'm sure that you must have lost that job

as my guess from everything that happened, hopefully. So she got sued. I can see walking right up to the point where, if you were a real weirdo sticking the mud, that you would alert the owner of the storage unit to be like, hey, your employee occasionally steals things from the storage unit. That, I think, also makes you a huge asshole. But to go beyond that and then continue to punish this woman

in her private life and personalize... Yeah, we don't know they're... Oh, sorry, sorry, this person. Forever is demented. What kind of insane person is like that? I hate this person. I think Jaymeck was in the right. I think it was good to steal the LG washer dryer.

It wasn't being used anyway. They clearly had forgotten about it and clearly didn't need it. And so I think the mistake here was... I think Jaymeck is no better than Try Guy Ned, personally. What an insane email. That's insane. Don't feel bad about it anymore, Jaymeck. Don't keep yourself up at night.

It's so funny that our show... He ignited trauma inside of him about stealing this thing. Because I was doing a load of laundry during a show. It's awful. The show is bad and then it brought up some fucking weird trauma that he has. Don't feel bad about this anymore. It's not your fault. It's not your thing.

It's not your fault. It's not your burden. Not your burden. It's done. Wow. Is there a way the LG jingle could be like a sea shanty in the Pirates movie? I've been trying to think of a Try Guy thing for the entire two hours. That's really good.

Like a tri-pie. Maybe they're trying to be pirates. Oh, tri-pie. That's good. The tri-pies. And at a certain point, they make one of the tri-pies walk the plank. Because he has an affair with a wench. Oh, we could have a fat guy break in the plank too.

That's fun. Yeah. I mean, people would love that. There's a lot we could do with this. I mean, I think it's going to happen. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Someone yelling cannonball and then dropping an actual cannonball in a pool.

That's good. Yeah, that's pretty funny. So I guess in this scene, we're at a pool. I guess we have to establish that. We just do the scene from Anchorman or Ron Burgundy says cannonball. Can we put Ron Burgundy in this? Yeah, Ron Burgundy said it. What Ron Burgundy would be like, an actual whale's vagina like he sees one at one point.

If you have a question or comment or a weird confession regarding the world of chain restaurants, email us at doboyspodcasts at gmail.com or leave us a voicemail at 830- Just be clear. Let's be 304636844. Just to be clear, Ron Burgundy does say whale's vagina, right? I think so. Yeah, he says what San Diego means. Oh, okay.

All right, a few. So it won't be Will Ferrell or it will be. But if we don't have Will Ferrell, we can't have Ron Burgundy though. Someone playing Ron Burgundy. Yeah, you can still have someone playing Ron Burgundy. I just want to put Doofy from Scary Movie in it. He's so funny. Problematic?

Yeah, I think so, but he's really. Yeah, I know. I would guess Doofy from Scary Movie is problematic. But like we said, we're going for it. If you watch, it'd be funny to watch that now, to watch like Scary Movie now and be like, wait, Doofy is timeless. This has aged great. This will be good in a hundred years.

Yeah, this movie has no issues. Um, I'm very excited to write this with you guys out. Well, I guess we're just going to meet on a weekly basis at this point. And we'll, we'll figure it out. I mean, we should just take a day to write. Yeah, we'll get Koalic in the room. Yeah, you can get the Doughboys double our weekly bonus episode by joining the Golden or Platinum Play Club at patreon.com slash Doughboys.

And also check out our show Doughboys Snack Pack every Thursday, 8 30 pm. Listen live on Spotify. That's a show where we can talk with you, the listeners. And get the Spotify live app. You can, you can, you can talk with us live. Well, great conversations with everyone out there. So, yeah, that's the, that's Doughboys Snack Pack. And that is Thursday, every Thursday at 8 30 pm Eastern.

Eva Anderson, just an absolute treat to have you with this voyage. Yar. Couldn't think of anyone better to do the, there's no one better to do. No one better to do this with. Yeah. I'm so honored. Thank you guys so much for taking me along. It was the dream.

Do you have anything like a plug? As always, I'm Eva Fay on Twitter and Instagram. And I just want to plug a pirate movie. Coming 2024. To theaters, hopefully. Peacock. It'll be a peacock. Ah, it's just gonna be a peacock.

All right. No, I think we'll put, this will be in theaters. Theaters in theaters and same day on Peacock. Okay, perfect. I'll take it. As long as you can see it on the big screen. That'll do it for this episode of Yarked Doughbar Chest. Until next time for the, for my first mate, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell.

I'm the tread podcaster, Nick Weigher. Happy a fuck. We said something different, didn't we? I can't believe you fucked this up again. What was it? Happy sailing or happy groggin? Happy grog, it was happy groggin, I think. Yeah, it was happy groggin.

Okay, and we'll fix this. Until next time for my first mate, Mike Mitchell. I'm Nick Weigher. Happy groggin. CR. CR is good. Okay, we're back. So after the show, we realized there are a couple of things we meant to bring up

that we didn't. Actually, three things. I'll say the first one real quick. We didn't talk about how Pirates Dinner Adventure, the acronym is PDA, which we talked about a lot in the run-up. But Emma, our producer, Emma Urbrink, had an experience with Pirates Dinner Adventure that is food-adjacent. Yeah, well, I went to the one in Orlando when I was in eighth grade,

which I believe was 2006, which sounds like it was new. Jesus. Yeah. Right, that's what it started in 2005, so it sounds like it was fairly new. No, I'm just saying Jesus, just the world. I feel old. He's just conscious of the slow decay of time. Right, it's okay.

We all got, to my memory, we all got food poisoning. It was like 28th graders shitting themselves in a hotel all night because the food made us all so sick. 28th graders shitting themselves. What a nightmare. It was awful. It was like honors choir. We were there for a choir competition and we had to sing the next day, I think,

but we went to Pirate Dinner Adventure the night before. Bad move, bad move all the way around. Do you remember anything about the show itself? I don't remember the show very well, which makes me think I didn't pay attention very much. Sure. It's hard to say, but I do remember being, I remember eating the food and thinking, while I was eating it, this is really gross. I'm scared what this is going to do and then I was right.

I should have stopped eating. Yeah, that's harrowing. You got to trust your gut. It's also like you 100%. It's also like it's just a bummer that again, the lingering memories of bad food, not of the show itself. Yeah. Yeah, maybe the bad food is what erased the show from my memory.

What a bummer. Just to put into perspective of how much earlier you and 28th graders were shitting your pants, and me and Crud were facing the real world in an improv battle in the Andy Dick Blackbox Theater. Oh, yeah. Look at this now. What a glow up. Dear God, a great glow up for both of us. Yeah, we're aging into Barbosa's crew in Curse of the Black Pearl.

Just skeletons. Why is Eva also reminded me that when we went to Medieval Times, I asked the Black Knight, did I say it in this way? Well, it was like the context was that there was a dance party at the end of the night because we had the last show of the night and it was like we just went to this like dance floor and the nights came out in costume and danced to like Katy Perry with us. And the Black Knight had won, definitively won the night. Like he was the winner.

Yeah, and I think that, yeah. Well, no, are you quoting me on this? Is this the way that I said it? Because this is the only thing I'm afraid of. I think so. I asked him, what is your memory? How much pussy do you get after the end of these shows? Which I think maybe 2010 me was more bold in that way.

And he responded, oh man, you have no idea. Which is very... Mitch, were you trying to figure out if you should audition for the role? I'd sadly be like the fat jester, whatever the guy was in Pirates Dinner Adventure, the Shmee, the McGee, I'd be the McGee. But I wonder if he was joking back or if that was... I remember it being a sincere response that like blew you away. Like that he was like, you think you're being funny, but you have no idea.

Yeah, that guy rules. God bless him. Shout out to the Black Knight. I hear he has more children than a poo wigs. Hopefully he doesn't end up with a Try Guys situation with the rest of An Evil Times after this episode. And shout out to Emma and her eighth grade choir for all getting food poisoning at this week's chain.

We got third place the next day, so we were still okay. Hey, there we go. Yeah, that's pretty good. Alright, here's the real end of the episode. And I'll nail it this time. Until next time, for my first mate, the spoon dog, Mike Mitchell, I'm the dread podcaster, Nick Weiger. Happy Groggin.

Sea Org. Sea Org. Every Thursday at 8.30 p.m. Eastern, you can chat with the Doughboys on Spotify Live. Download the Spotify Live app and join Doughboys Snack Pack to listen and even be a part of the show with me and Mitch. Doughboys Snack Pack every Thursday at 8.30 p.m. Eastern. Listen live on Spotify.