Dr. Mario Alonso Puig - Las etapas del duelo: Cómo sanar una pérdida sin quedar atrapado en el dolor

Episode Date: November 4, 2025

¿Alguna vez has sentido que una pérdida te deja sin fuerzas para seguir? En esta conversación con Sarah, compartimos algunas reflexiones sobre el duelo, ese proceso tan humano que todos, en algún momento, estamos llamados a transitar. Hablamos de sus distintas etapas —el shock, la ira, la tristeza, el miedo y, finalmente, la aceptación— y de cómo cuerpo, mente y alma necesitan atravesarlas para poder sanar en profundidad. Comparto también por qué el dolor no es nuestro enemigo. Es, en realidad, una puerta hacia la transformación interior. Cuando dejamos de resistirnos y soltamos el resentimiento, empezamos a abrir espacio para algo nuevo: la serenidad, la paz y, con el tiempo, ese crecimiento que solo nace del sufrimiento atravesado con conciencia y esperanza.Deseo de corazón que estas ideas puedan ayudarte a mirar tu pérdida desde un lugar más compasivo, y a recordar que incluso en los momentos más oscuros, la vida nos sigue susurrando una posibilidad: volver a empezar.No estás sola, ni solo. Te envío un fuerte abrazo.🌐⁠⁠Página Web⁠⁠📷⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠▶️⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠📲⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠🎟️⁠Entradas a la nueva conferencia 2025

Mario, welcome. Thank you. I'm going to do an interpreter of a community

that's traversing for many types of a lot in their life. And I

think this is a moment perfect for that we we're really what a

duel means the types of duels that there is even

how we can really really to get the So, we'll start

with the first question that would what is a duel Mario, and what

types of duels there? Well, I define a duel

as the process for what the person when experiment

a part a significant. A period significant that

that could be from from a kind of can

be they they now, a major rango he's the

house, the major rangered not only the house but the of the

range more more that is somebody you trycion or you

get or you get and you and you get

and we have duels that are very special

like the part of a health a a

has something something has something or a a life of a being a good, your

a family, a certain, a friend, or a his own. So the duels are these processes in the human, is the human, is in account, a pardida that generates a grand

vacio. So in that, ante the existence of that vacill, one intends re-enar it, so, it's, to re-enar, a, a few

with negation, a little it's a realen with fear, a little it's a really to

have to be and it's to understand that the process of the due to the world.

The the pain what to us happens for our condition

that also, I'm always, for example, me a little my

my will be to doleer because because I'm I'm very

and they will be going to inflam What what occurs is that the mind, especially a part

of the mind very parasitada for what's called the ego, does something to intensification and prolonging that when a person

has a little something is logical first that that's shock that's possible me has been been in shock,

not is possible me have robbed this, no is possible I've lost my work with the well that I've

worked during all these years. No, it's possible to have a

young and it has been to go. So, first is the shock. Second,

is the negation that we are very uny to shock. In third

place, is the question of a person, is the ira. The ira

against the world, the ira against the other the

ira against a figure that one can denominate a

God, the ira contra the anger contra one miso, if I would have been a good or not would be a lot of, but not me care, it's

my fault, et et cetera, in the ira. Here, many people lamentably are trapped as they're

that they are in people people who resented people, people with a frustration

that not they're not over. If you more than the ira to go two emotions

in that the human all we we feel we're very incoodod

because we feel very very deities. In the ira, a person is a strong. She's a certain. I don't hear that it's a fort.

He's not going to be a punnet-a-do-do, can't, can't insults, and it does a sensation of a fortaleigh. But the other two

not you don't never a sensation of a fortaleza but the trestice and the fear. The trestice for the

earth perdida, the the tears that that's the that's the or the

need to I'm re-hack my life, I'll go back to make to get

to make a amad, to be a mind, I'm able to get a degree,

et, c, so. So, those emotions have to

transit for people, and it's a disaffiant. Why

have to do you do because this is the same

a rio, if you a rio, blockers. They're to start to appear parasites.

They're to start to do you. When I'm to study to be a biology, we're

gots of water, of rachulos that were stanked. And it was full of

bacteria amoebas, montones of protozos of all type. So,

there's to have much care with this. Because when one is

trapped there, the a peridid that was in a moment of our history, of our line of the time,

past, and future, it's a future, it's become in something in our life. Not is that I felt, I felt a and I felt

hurt, or me sent a lot, I'm a lot of a person arid, I'm a person a really, I'm a person

of a lot of a lot of, so, what is what I'm to do, what you have to understand, that that is part of the

process. The same that when one is mount in a barco and it's to be a leage and the

usual is that marred. It's not normal. It's the habitual that's the matter.

And has to understand that that is part of the process not not be not as

comfortable when there when the water is calm that there what is when one

can get to get through the fear and

the then there a part very important that is the

acceptation The acceptation is to assume the new reality. It's right. There's a wayco in my that nobody will be done for the perid

that I've experimented and that doesn't let me a life a sense. Today I'm I'm going to write the

next page in the history of my life. So when a person accept, is to say assume the

new situation without that ira, without that and that's, and that fear, accepting that there's a

vacuum. In that moment it's a process very, very surprising, what is

what's called the creation post-traumatic. The person begins to experimenter a

transformation very profound in determined in determined aspects of their

personality. I know I have people who have been H. This is a

Pardida, but in mayusculas. And after the process of duelo, has been

like the Fennis. It has surgid a presence irradi in a light

that is really surprisingly and over-ecoder so. We have to understand that

is a process and not to get us in a at a tap, in the era, in the tap of the

titheathe, in the tap of the fear, but to understand that that we'll go to a time to all, a few, a few times are months, a few years, that that will be that will becathesar, that we'ller the

joy, that we'ller to recover the illusion, that we'llerrable, and that's the process of the duel. So what we're we're a lot of times is not pass

for those tapardures, but it's like I not want to go to for the process of embegeciness if it's I'm going to pass necessarily

it's like if I don't want to say I'm glad about but it's part of what is the life. So, not it's

how we're that we're it, is what is the life and people that have passed by

situations of duels, tremendous, terrible, parder of of their own, the person-kredo, mal-trapart,

let's the figure that's known the figure that the only that they can't

is how you you're to do you to how you you to

do well? So, when you're in the process of duelo, no

does the sensation that you can you can't have to be

in my time in my time as six years to many of

patients in a minute you enter in a process of duelo because they're in a son and they're just to be and their families have a family that's a family that's and he's a problem

but there's nothing rare to pass the time that's all that patients and families you're saying this is the best that's the

good that's you can't be when you're in the process there's there's a there's a story very simple

but that in a way that's a person that has a coach and they say, if you're going to get for that carreter, you'll be

a bit of a placeage marvellouso. Well, the man is it, he's a newbla, nibe, nyebla, nyebla, nyebla, no be nothing,

no be nothing, and have the rest of the world. But, however, for some reason, confia in the person that has said that, and he's said,

and she's, and she's doing when I'm not looking at what, because the problem is, the nebla, no, be, that it's ascending by a mountain. And, it gets a moment in the that it's on the nyebla and see a a placeage extraordinary.

So, what is what can do a person to transit for the process of duelo? Kiddars with the emotions of the moment? No, with those emotions, no, so that's not even cannot, nobody. Nobody. to be

with what really will be to put in that's process in your life

and then there's another point that for some people is is

to know is not the final of the story eliz was

a psychiatrist a a syk a disciple of Jung and

possibly the person that has had more experience in the tantal the

science of the MOUTER, no, I accompany a lot of people in his voyage final in this plan of the reality, and it was a woman who I didn't really absolutely in when she formed part of the group of the Cross Roja, that was in the Campos of Concentration Nazis, after the Garned the

Second War, and he saw that had experience very profound and she did a point of that the life not had a lot, for that's a man, that's called The MOUTER a Manace, so it also, also it can help some people, to be able to the possibility

of that the peridid is in the dimension of the material, the time, the form, the space,

but not in the only dimension that is eternal, that is the dimension of the world.

You havelas much of the power of the language interior. How is

it should we should our conversation internal when we are when we're

a traversing a duel, to not destrosed us more. When many people, many people think in the words,

intuitively know that the words have an impact very in the life of the human. But also there are

a lot confusion, like the words that give the world, no,

the mind of the human is a mind symbolic. We're

we're we're we can think without without words. If you know if we're not

we're not we'd have if not we'd even think, we'd not get us to get us

so, then what occurs? That the words are connected with sensations, with

sentiments, with emotions, and with experiences. It's like if every power that we'd

use- that would a series of cajones where there are sensations, sentiments,

emotions, images, etc. So, what's what happens? When we use words, that are in cajones where are emotions like the desperance, the sensation of impotency, the culp, the verguenza,

or cajones where there are images of pequenet, of insufficiency, of chaos, no we can't obviar that those images, those sensations,

those emotions will have an impact to a level physical and is perfectly. For that's so important that even at

level physical, those that are the professionals of the health in different areas, we'll use words that

help you know, to help to be in a person, not the thing, when a word,

for example, can be a, I've been, a, I've been a, I've been

a very subtilment the language, but I your body reactio a way

distinct. If I'm a menudo problem I have I'm going to liberate cortisol, the hormone of the MEDO, if I go, vowsafio that I'm going, I'm going to liberate adrenaline. That's a hormone different, adrenaline, no, the adrenalineina, dopamine, that me make to be more atent. So, not mean it's not

that we'll use the words ideal, but that always we'll be able to compassion. That we tenders that the voyage for the life has many moments difficult, especially for many people, not we'll

do we make more difficult at the language. Someone comete a error. Yeah, it's been going to be wrong with the error that's committed. No, you're not an inept, you're an inept,

no sirs, for nothing. Never consigners in your life. No, not you do you. So, the language is very important

to sanar, and that's a language and also is very important when it's it's not at the when it's a

time. The head is a question never is a enemy

many many because the conversation internal we have to

care that's very important but you say that

this is that the pain that the the

problem and then how Well, there is to make a distinction that that's attribution to the prince Gautama Siddhartha, then then transformed into Sakiamun and Buddha, because

it seems that he did this distinction in the language in two thousand years. He distinguished he distinguished the the pain of the suffering. And there is

a story real that that's when you Buddha, was a person very recognized. A woman

had been a person had been a single his, and then it was full of margura. Bud, in that

that era was a person unique, and the woman acued to him, piddly that he

resucitara. A little, in the time of Jesus Christ when when, those

people have had perished to their children and people and people and people are

to say, then this case, he said, he said, he said, and Buddha,

says, I want to all the all the houses that you can of the

people in where you and you encounter a person that has a person and if

you'll do you do you and when the person she did that that was

that everybody had had already a man so what is the

the the pain the is the have been, imagine the part of a child,

and in this case, a mother a mother, a child, is devastating, and that's a lot.

Sufferiment is the enfrentamintamintam radical against that the margura to that

that's, the I never me recuperer. The being trapped

in a narrative mental that that's to help, because not

it's not to accept or not it does that is constantly a state of resistance and a rebelia that's a state of resistance and

a rebeldi is associated to an amount in the mental, physical, to a sensation

of impotency to an isolation and to a un- and a un- infarmar of the

life. So, we have to separate very what pertain to our condition

material of our condition anymic the lathes that we're doing with the things, of what the mental egoical, I'm superficial

and I'm illusory is capable of do that to make sure to dolo in a maretarno of suffering. For that

the same type of peridates, the same type of perdias, peridates of life, peridates of six-kirited,

we've been fundamentally like two great types of responses. One, the undimient, the amalgura of life. And others, the crescent post-traumatic. The transformation post-traumatic. So, of what depend the one and the other? The two groups have suffered the same,

a pain, has suffered a part of the other, but one person has given a interpretation different to the other. In a program of mindfulness that was doing, a woman commented on a situation of a

situation of a period, had been a at a funeral for a person very dearer by her. And the dolor was very on to, and simultaneously I really really sent a extraordinary a pause, an extraordinary serenity. It was like,

if, just as the the the pain of the period stood the celebration of the life, of what that person had supposed in his own, his own own life. And, what curious, Sarah,

that, he, he'd, a conversation of two two amigues who, obviously, that had been

that, the serenity that this had, commented, they weren't, it wasn't it, even he

important that it's to understand that the the pain, the

and the pain, that that that that generate, that

is, they can go to the man, of the serenity, of the

peace, of the tranquillity. We think is the one or the other.

If, if you dole, you have to desmorenard. And if you have the mirror, is that not you dovered tantus. We, we

can't manage us in the world digital, in the world, the black, or black, or black or negro? And no we don't know we're we've got into different tonalities of grises. So in the tonalities of grises, is where they're the response to many things that in the black and in the negros, no, you can't

find out. Before to make the first question, yeah, that's talking to this topic. Why, then, when a pariega, or when a pariega you abandon, or is with another person, that is very usual, why is it so difficult to accept and why dole

so, Mario, on this? Well, I think the the pain of the abandoner is the consequence of various things, first, of the perid of something for you, very carido, which is a relation,

a relation, a relationship, a relationship effectuosal. Second, the dolor of of sentiret to think you treasoned. The third third place, the buskedom of

a reason. And a sometimes that reason arremetes against one myself. What is my

defect? Why have abandoned? Of, a sometimes you're about the other person.

The judge you're, the accuses, the, you know? And this is very logical

within the dimension of the sense and the the mind rational and analytical that predominant in our world. But here is the solution. If you're in a solution, if you were the solution, the person could recover

his illusion for living, the person could recover his aperture to find another pair of romantic, why not, why not, why is it going to the possibility of

an encounter of these characteristics, a person because has been a person who has been treated people who have been and have been wonderful families

so this is this is like all in the life so are moments very very difficult and

and nobody they can negate or restar due to those moments what we are talking is

that the solution not is in getting trapped in the ir the resentment to the the guilt, the

the verguyenza, the accusation, the desire of vengeance, there's there's the solution. There's

the consume of the own of the own it. It's like if I had a

little very very calient, deseating to give to that person that me

abandoned and not me know that that that that's about that

that's that that's what's that that we're that we

that we're that that that before to solter the I'm a I'm a

exercise that I'm in a conference I'm invite to a soltar and I'm one of the most

major's the question to ask you to ask you know to I'm going to

let's I'm maintaining a piece I mean I'm to say I've

to know that during 15, 20 years I've been having to

this this peter to me and I will leave to part. But depending on what

the value is your life. The rest of your life. Dependee, if you want to keep trapped, in the amalgura, or if you want to start to start to fly. Depend, it's your election. We're saying that's a fast. No. Nobody

says that this is a fatal. How will be be easy this? This not is easy. It's very defiant. So, to me, at times, when they say, this is not easy, I go, I tell, I, I'm I don't know, because I don't know who I'm going to ask you, I don't

you ask for a question. Don't you ask for a lot, because you will cost her much. Preguntate, how to where you can't get? What passes and what recommendations you'd say to a person or the people who are the people that are going to be in this moment, a duel or a a pain, or a lot of your partner, or for the murder of his partner, for the death of someone. What recommendation and what we can?

First, never, isolate. is a an grave-issue error to be isolated. Because when one is isolate

the mind starts and then makes to turn to this haula of grills that we have

all in the head. I don't see what in this isolation you're in that

you're in so you're disconnected of the reality you're at

you're a merce to a world that's so the first and to

that person not to not to criticate, not to denigrar, but to show your sense. The word of

emotion that is what is what is move, to show to open your

vulnerability to us we're an vulnerability extraordinary starting by me. We don't

have to we're we're we're we're we're many many

the simple the simple fact of the sentire to has heard, is what is a part of the process

of your own action. If you're not going to have a good, you know, you're going to have to

the time. Every one, you're going to be a sound to listen to listen to listen to

someone that's to give to give advice, simply for to say,

I'm to say, I'm, I'm so is the first. So, that's also.

It's very but to scrivilo always from what you you're seeing and from you need to not from a

mind that in juice, a condena, accuser, to another, to another, in second is fundamental

and you will be to be to say that the people that the person's

in a exercise physical. Because, because the exercise physical is one of the most

antidotes front to the quadros of anxiety and depression, that

are very processes of the world. Any type of exercises. Egerio aerobic. Movers. Camin. Camin. Caminar. Correbora. Enter in contact with the

naturalness. That's important very much. Movers. In third place, important importantism to make a question. Not what is what the other can

do for me, but what I can do I for the other. to be the way, the to look a purpose, the of a purpose

the that's that that's that's that's that's my

angstia that's that's super useful I know a person of the

world of the psychology that experimented a great tradition

objectively about and and and she she she

did this did a transformation and a lot of people with their example

vital. So, are things pass-to-pac- that can help to not that the

sea is not that we're more than in that marroult. And then that will

that will allow things that we didn't even even even we'd say

Steve Jobs that the points can't only when you look to be back, never to the way to

the not to hear of people who have been for that for abandoners etc.

Decir had to have passed for this to to be now

to be this completely different to understand that the life

not there there is a time the the same

when one when one is when one is when one is when you A book, the analogy is very basic, I know,

pass a page and terminate a a capitual. But that capitur not determine the rest of the capitals, the rest of the capitals are still in the other things most impressive that I've seen, are even a level physical, when a person understands

that if she still culping of the arida of today, to who the causer in the ayer, is taking a position of victim, is deciding that my circumstances determine my

life. That they define. That they're in the way of saying no. My circumstances generated

the arida. I am who decided that the area is that in the pasto. It's a

caratrice but no has nothing to have a thing you have a biter

because the area abirted you do you make a shot the the chakrit

is so that's just so you don't I think that are that are the never easy,

always possible, that if we understand that there's a sense profound, that is more that's more

that, cuicia, condemnas, and so, we can't do things pedant extraordinary.

The importance is solter? The importance is soltar. A second me asked, I asked, me asked,

me, I said, a person, so it I put in an example, I like much to the metaphors of a globe

aerostatic. I don't see if here in the marvellousa in the marvellousa in Spain not is very frequent, in

other places like Turkey, is very frequent. There is permanent. There is permanent. I said the next,

look, when one is that in the globe, you know, when one is not a astre,

because be that that soltary is to have to have to have to have to

have to be, and in that moment, you're going to say, but if I'm here, if I'm this, I'm going to I've lost, no. Because in the moment in which you you quit, it's a lot of unesperated,

sorpentent, sobrecogedra, that the globe starts to levarse. And you can't get to be new spaces. What occur? That you, when you're in the soil, with your cestita and with the lastre, you know see, nor do you imagine those new the new

the new the new passages only those will you you're going to

let's try. For that's a final is a fall of faith. It's

a a and a hope of a faith in that

there there's a world that's to be a thing has

not not even has the new the new and that that will

naceran the moment in the moment in the I decided to let's that

that's the new place. Because the new is another. It's other. It's

other thing. I don't see if you have seen that beautiful, I think it's the Pixar

App. The sir mayor that has been a woman, that had been a

family, of all the life, of all the life, and with the little they

start things, they're the case, it's going to and it is a lot of and how

the life of this person is transformed. It's marvellous. Well, Mario,

I want to give the thanks for regalarned this talk so that

has been a very a realero that I'm going to feel

in their process because they're living a process due

so they're going to be much more thanks for

so much of all heart of all the heart. Thank you, Lord. Thank you.