Las etapas del duelo: Cómo sanar una pérdida sin quedar atrapado en el dolor
00:00Mario,welcome.Thank you.I'm going todo aninterpreterof acommunity
00:06that'straversingfor manytypes ofa lotin theirlife.And I
00:12think thisis amomentperfect forthat wewe'rereallywhat a
00:20duelmeansthetypes ofduelsthatthere iseven
00:24howwe canreallyreallytoget theSo,we'll start
00:29with thefirstquestionthat wouldwhat isa duelMario,and what
00:34types ofduelsthere?Well,Idefineaduel
00:38as theprocessforwhatthepersonwhenexperiment
00:43apartasignificant.Aperiodsignificantthat
00:47thatcouldbefromfromakind ofcan
00:51betheytheynow,a majorrangohe'sthe
01:00house,the majorrangerednot onlythehousebut theof the
01:06rangemoremorethat issomebodyyoutrycionor you
01:11getor yougetandyouandyouget
01:15andwehaveduelsthatareveryspecial
01:20likethepartofahealthaa
01:22hassomethingsomethinghassomethingoraa life of a being a good, your
01:29a family, a certain, a friend, or ahis own.So the duels are these processes in thehuman,is the human,is in account,a pardida thatgenerates a grand
01:42vacio.So in that,ante the existence of thatvacill, one intendsre-enar it,so, it's,to re-enar,a, a few
01:54with negation,a littleit's arealenwith fear,a littleit's areally to
01:59have to beand it'sto understandthat theprocessof thedue tothe world.
02:05Thethepainwhat toushappensfor ourcondition
02:10thatalso,I'malways,for example,mea littlemy
02:15mywill beto doleerbecausebecauseI'mI'mvery
02:19and theywillbe going toinflamWhat what occurs isthat themind,especially a part
02:27of the mindvery parasitadafor what'scalled the ego,does somethingto intensificationand prolongingthat when a person
02:37has a littlesomethingis logicalfirst thatthat's shockthat's possibleme has beenbeen in shock,
02:45not is possibleme have robbedthis,no is possibleI've lostmy workwith thewell that I've
02:49workedduringall theseyears.No,it's possibleto havea
02:53youngand ithas beento go.So,first isthe shock.Second,
02:58is thenegationthat weare veryunyto shock.Inthird
03:02place,is thequestionof aperson,is theira.The ira
03:09againsttheworld,the iraagainsttheotherthe
03:15ira againstafigurethatonecandenominatea
03:18God, the ira contrathe anger contra onemiso, if I would havebeen a goodor not would bea lot of,but not mecare, it's
03:24my fault, etet cetera,in the ira.Here,many peoplelamentablyare trappedas they're
03:30that theyare inpeoplepeople whoresentedpeople,people witha frustration
03:36that notthey're notover.If youmore thanthe irato gotwo emotions
03:42inthat thehumanall wewe feelwe'reveryincoodod
03:45becausewefeelveryvery deities. In the ira, a person isa strong.She's a certain.I don't hear that it's a fort.
03:52He's not going to be apunnet-a-do-do,can't,can'tinsults, andit does a sensationof a fortaleigh.But the other two
04:02not you don'tnever a sensationof a fortalezabut thetrestice and thefear.The tresticefor the
04:10earthperdida,thethe tears thatthat's thethat'stheor the
04:15need toI'm re-hackmylife,I'llgo backto maketo get
04:21to make aamad,to beamind,I'm able toget adegree,
04:26et,c,so.So,thoseemotionshaveto
04:30transitforpeople,andit'sadisaffiant.Why
04:35havetodo youdobecausethis isthesame
04:39ario,if youario, blockers.They're tostart toappear parasites.
04:44They'reto start todo you.When I'mto studyto be abiology,we're
04:48gots ofwater,of rachulosthat werestanked.And itwas fullof
04:53bacteriaamoebas,montonesofprotozosof alltype.So,
05:00there'sto havemuchcarewith this.Becausewhen oneis
05:05trappedthere,thea peridid thatwas in a momentof our history,of our lineof the time,
05:13past, and future,it's a future,it's become in somethingin our life.Not is that Ifelt,I felt aand I felt
05:22hurt, or me senta lot,I'm a lot ofa personarid, I'ma persona really,I'm a person
05:30of a lot ofa lot of, so,what is what I'mto do,what you have tounderstand, thatthat is partof the
05:35process.The samethat when oneis mount in a barcoand it'sto bea leageand the
05:41usual is thatmarred.It's notnormal.It's thehabitualthat'sthe matter.
05:47And hasto understandthat thatis partof the processnotnot benot as
05:53comfortablewhen therewhen thewater iscalmthat therewhat iswhen one
05:59cangettogetthroughthefearand
06:02thethentherea partveryimportantthat isthe
06:06acceptationThe acceptation is to assumethe new reality.It's right.There's a wayco in mythat nobodywill be donefor the perid
06:17that I've experimentedand thatdoesn't let mea lifea sense.Today I'mI'm going towrite the
06:24next pagein the historyof my life.So whena personaccept,is to sayassume the
06:30new situationwithout thatira,without thatand that's,and that fear,accepting thatthere's a
06:37vacuum.In that momentit's aprocessvery,verysurprising,what is
06:44what'scalled thecreationpost-traumatic.The personbegins toexperimentera
06:52transformationveryprofound indeterminedin determinedaspectsoftheir
06:57personality.I knowI havepeoplewho havebeenH.This is a
07:03Pardida,but inmayusculas.Andafter theprocess ofduelo,has been
07:10like theFennis.It hassurgida presenceirradi inalight
07:19that isreallysurprisinglyand over-ecoderso.We haveto understandthat
07:26is aprocessand nottoget usinaat a tap, in the era, in the tap of the
07:31titheathe, in the tap of the fear,but to understand that that we'llgo to a time to all,a few, a few times are months,a few years,that that will bethat will becathesar,that we'ller the
07:45joy, that we'llerto recover the illusion,that we'llerrable,and that's the processof the duel.So what we're we'rea lot of times isnot pass
07:55for those tapardures,but it's like Inot want to go tofor the processof embegecinessif it'sI'm going topass necessarily
08:05it's like if Idon't want tosay I'm glad aboutbut it's partof what is thelife.So,not it's
08:16how we'rethat we'reit, iswhat isthe lifeand peoplethat havepassed by
08:23situations ofduels,tremendous,terrible,parder ofof their own,the person-kredo,mal-trapart,
08:31let's the figurethat'sknownthe figure thattheonlythat theycan't
08:37is howyouyou'reto do youtohow youyouto
08:42do well?So,whenyou'rein theprocess ofduelo,no
08:46does thesensationthatyou canyoucan'thaveto be
08:51in mytimein my timeassix yearstomanyof
08:55patientsin a minute you enter in a process of duelobecause they're in a sonand they're just to beand their familieshave a family that'sa family that'sand he's a problem
09:04but there'snothing rareto pass the timethat's all thatpatients and familiesyou're sayingthis is thebest that's the
09:13good that'syou can't bewhen you're inthe processthere'sthere's athere's a storyvery simple
09:20but thatin a waythat'sa personthat has a coach and they say,if you're going to getfor that carreter,you'll be
09:33a bit of aplaceage marvellouso.Well, the manis it, he'sa newbla,nibe, nyebla,nyebla, nyebla,no be nothing,
09:40no be nothing,and have the rest ofthe world.But, however, forsome reason,confia in the personthat has said that,and he's said,
09:49and she's,and she's doingwhen I'm not looking at what, because the problem is,the nebla, no, be, that it'sascending by a mountain.And, it gets a moment in thethat it's on the nyebla andsee a a placeage extraordinary.
10:03So, what is what can doa person to transit for the process of duelo?Kiddars with the emotions of the moment?No, with those emotions,no, so that's not evencannot, nobody.Nobody.to be
10:16with whatreallywill beto put inthat'sprocessin yourlife
10:22and thenthere'sanother pointthatfor somepeopleisis
10:28to knowisnot thefinalof thestoryelizwas
10:34apsychiatristaa sykadiscipleof Jungand
10:39possiblythe personthat hashad moreexperiencein thetantalthe
10:43science oftheMOUTER, no, I accompany a lot of people in hisvoyage final in this plan of the reality, and it was awoman who I didn't really absolutely inwhen she formed part of the group of theCross Roja, that was in the Campos of ConcentrationNazis, after the Garned the
11:02Second War, and he saw thathad experience very profound and shedid a point of that the life nothad a lot, for that's a man, that's called The MOUTERa Manace, so it also, also it can helpsome people,to be able tothe possibility
11:17of that theperidid isin the dimensionof thematerial,the time, theform,the space,
11:24but not inthe onlydimension thatis eternal,that is thedimensionof theworld.
11:29Youhavelasmuch ofthe powerof thelanguageinterior.How is
11:36it shouldwe shouldourconversationinternalwhen wearewhen we're
11:42a traversing a duel,to notdestrosed usmore.When many people,many peoplethink in thewords,
11:52intuitively know thatthe wordshave an impactveryin the life ofthe human.But alsothere are
11:58a lotconfusion,like thewordsthat givetheworld,no,
12:03themind ofthehumanis amindsymbolic.We're
12:08we'rewe'rewe canthinkwithoutwithout words.If you knowif we're not
12:13we're notwe'd haveif notwe'd eventhink,we'dnot get usto get us
12:21so,then whatoccurs?That thewords areconnected withsensations,with
12:27sentiments,with emotions,and withexperiences.It's likeif everypower thatwe'd
12:32use-that woulda seriesof cajoneswherethere aresensations,sentiments,
12:39emotions, images, etc.So, what's what happens?When we use words,that are in cajoneswhere are emotionslike the desperance,the sensation of impotency,the culp, the verguenza,
12:54or cajoneswhere there are imagesof pequenet,of insufficiency,of chaos,no we can't obviarthat those images,those sensations,
13:05those emotionswill have an impactto a levelphysical and isperfectly.For that's soimportant thateven at
13:11level physical,those thatare theprofessionals of thehealth indifferent areas,we'll usewords that
13:18help you know,to helpto be ina person,not thething,when aword,
13:25for example,can bea,I've been,a,I've beena,I've been
13:31a verysubtilmentthe language,but Iyourbodyreactioa way
13:36distinct. If I'm a menudo problem I haveI'm going to liberate cortisol, the hormone of theMEDO, if I go, vowsafiothat I'm going, I'm going to liberate adrenaline.That's a hormone different,adrenaline, no, the adrenalineina, dopamine,that me make to be more atent.So, not mean it's not
13:52that we'll usethe words ideal, butthat always we'll be able tocompassion. That we tendersthat the voyage for thelife has many momentsdifficult, especially for manypeople, not we'll
14:05do we make more difficultat the language.Someone comete a error.Yeah, it's beengoing to be wrong with the errorthat's committed.No, you're not an inept,you're an inept,
14:15no sirs,for nothing.Never consigners in yourlife.No, not youdo you.So, the languageis very important
14:26to sanar,and that's a languageand also is very importantwhen it'sit's notat thewhen it'sa
14:33time.Theheadis aquestionneveris aenemy
14:37manymanybecausetheconversationinternalwe haveto
14:42carethat'sveryimportantbutyousaythat
14:47thisisthatthepainthatthethe
14:49problemand thenhowWell, there is to make a distinction thatthat's attribution tothe prince Gautama Siddhartha,then then transformed into Sakiamun and Buddha,because
15:11it seems that he did this distinctionin the languagein two thousand years.He distinguishedhe distinguished thethe pain of thesuffering.And there is
15:20a story realthatthat'swhen youBuddha,was a personvery recognized.A woman
15:28had beena personhad beena singlehis, and thenit was full ofmargura.Bud, in that
15:34that erawas a personunique, andthe womanacued tohim,piddlythat he
15:39resucitara.A little,in thetime ofJesus Christwhenwhen,those
15:45people havehad perishedto theirchildrenand peopleand peopleandpeople are
15:49to say,then thiscase,he said,he said,he said,andBuddha,
15:56says,I wanttoall theall thehouses thatyou canof the
16:04people inwhere youand youencountera personthat hasa personand if
16:13you'lldo youdo youand whenthe personshe didthatthat was
16:18thateverybodyhadhad alreadyamansowhat is the
16:22thethepaintheis thehave been, imagine thepart of achild,
16:28and in thiscase,a mothera mother,a child,is devastating,and that'sa lot.
16:36Sufferimentis theenfrentamintamintamradicalagainst thatthemargurato that
16:43that's,theI nevermerecuperer.Thebeingtrapped
16:49in anarrativementalthatthat'stohelp,because not
16:55it's not to acceptor not itdoes thatis constantlya state of resistanceand a rebeliathat's a stateof resistance and
17:03a rebeldiis associatedto an amountin themental,physical,to asensation
17:10of impotencyto anisolationand toa un-and a un-infarmarof the
17:15life.So,we have toseparateverywhat pertainto ourcondition
17:21materialof our condition anymicthe lathesthat we're doingwith the things,of what the mentalegoical,I'm superficial
17:32and I'm illusoryis capable ofdo thatto make sureto doloin a maretarnoof suffering.For that
17:42the sametype of peridates,the sametype of perdias,peridates oflife,peridates ofsix-kirited,
17:50we've beenfundamentallylike two great types of responses.One, the undimient, the amalgura of life.And others, the crescent post-traumatic.The transformation post-traumatic.So, of what depend the one and the other?The two groups have suffered the same,
18:16a pain, has suffered a part of the other, butone personhas given ainterpretation different to the other.In a program of mindfulnessthat was doing,a womancommented on a situation of a
18:34situation of a period, had been aat a funeralfor a person very dearer by her.And the dolor wasvery on to, and simultaneouslyI really really sent a extraordinarya pause, an extraordinary serenity.It was like,
18:50if, just as thethe the pain of the periodstood the celebration of thelife, of what that personhad supposed in his own,his own own life.And,what curious, Sarah,
19:02that,he,he'd,a conversation of twotwo amigueswho,obviously, thathad been
19:10that,the serenity that thishad, commented,they weren't,it wasn'tit,evenhe
19:15importantthatit'sto understandthat thethepain,the
19:22and thepain,thatthatthatthatgenerate,that
19:30is,they cango totheman,of theserenity,of the
19:35peace,of thetranquillity.We thinkis theone ortheother.
19:39If,if youdole,youhaveto desmorenard. And ifyou have the mirror, is that not youdovered tantus. We, we
19:47can't manage us in the world digital,in the world, the black, or black, orblack or negro? And no we don't know we'rewe've got into different tonalities of grises.So in the tonalitiesof grises, is where they're theresponse to many things that in theblack and in the negros, no, you can't
20:03find out. Before to make the firstquestion, yeah, that's talking to thistopic. Why, then, when apariega, or when a pariegayou abandon, or is with another person,that is very usual,why is it so difficult to acceptand why dole
20:18so, Mario, on this?Well, I think thethe pain of the abandoneris the consequence of variousthings, first, of theperidof something for you, very carido,which is a relation,
20:35a relation, a relationship, a relationshipeffectuosal. Second, thedolor ofof sentiretto think you treasoned.The thirdthird place,the buskedom of
20:45a reason.And asometimes thatreasonarremetesagainst onemyself.What is my
20:52defect?Why haveabandoned?Of, asometimesyou're aboutthe otherperson.
20:58The judgeyou're,the accuses,the,you know?And thisis verylogical
21:03within the dimension of thesense and thethe mind rational and analyticalthat predominantin our world. But hereis the solution. If you're in a solution,if you were the solution,the person could recover
21:18his illusion for living,the person could recoverhis aperture tofind another pair of romantic,why not,why not,why is it going tothe possibility of
21:31an encounter of these characteristics,a person becausehas been aperson who hasbeen treatedpeople who have beenand have beenwonderful families
21:43so this isthis is likeall in thelife soare momentsveryvery difficultand
21:49and nobodythey cannegateor restardue tothose momentswhat we aretalking is
21:56that the solutionnot isin gettingtrapped in theirthe resentmentto thethe guilt, the
22:02the verguyenza, theaccusation,the desireof vengeance,there'sthere'sthe solution.There's
22:08the consumeof theown of theownit.It's likeif Ihad a
22:12littleveryvery calient,deseatingto giveto thatpersonthat me
22:16abandonedandnot meknowthat thatthatthat'sabout that
22:20that'sthatthat'swhat'sthatthatwe'rethat we
22:27that we'rethatthatthatbeforeto solter theI'm aI'm a
22:37exercise thatI'm in aconferenceI'm invite toa soltarand I'mone of themost
22:42major'sthequestion toask youto askyou knowtoI'm going to
22:48let'sI'mmaintaining apieceI meanI'mto sayI've
22:53to knowthat during15,20yearsI'vebeenhaving to
22:58thisthispeterto meand Iwill leavetopart. But depending on what
23:02the value is your life. The rest of yourlife. Dependee, if youwant to keeptrapped, in the amalgura, orif you want to startto start to fly. Depend, it'syour election. We're sayingthat's a fast. No. Nobody
23:19says that this is a fatal. How will bebe easy this?This not is easy.It's very defiant.So, to me, at times, whenthey say, this is not easy,I go, I tell, I, I'mI don't know, because I don't know who I'm going to ask you, I don't
23:34you ask for a question. Don't you ask for a lot, because you will cost hermuch.Preguntate, how to where you can't get?What passes and what recommendations you'd say to a person or the people who are thepeople that are going to be in this moment, a duel or aa pain, or a lot of your partner, or for the murder of his partner, for thedeath of someone.What recommendation and what we can?
23:57First, never, isolate.is aan grave-issueerrorto be isolated.Because whenoneis isolate
24:04the mindstartsand thenmakes toturn tothis haulaof grillsthat we have
24:10all in thehead.I don'tsee whatin thisisolationyou're inthat
24:16you're insoyou'redisconnectedof therealityyou'reat
24:20you'rea mercetoa worldthat'sso thefirstand to
24:29that personnot tonot to criticate,not to denigrar,but toshow yoursense.The word of
24:38emotionthat iswhat iswhat ismove,to showtoopen your
24:44vulnerabilityto uswe'rean vulnerabilityextraordinarystartingby me.We don't
24:49have towe'rewe'rewe'rewe'rewe'remanymany
24:52thesimplethesimple fact ofthesentire tohas heard, is whatis a part of the process
24:59of your ownaction.If you're notgoing to havea good,you know,you're going tohave to
25:05the time.Every one,you're going tobe asound tolisten tolisten tolisten to
25:12someonethat'sto giveto giveadvice,simplyforto say,
25:17I'mto say,I'm,I'mso is thefirst.So, that'salso.
25:23It's verybut to scriviloalwaysfrom what youyou're seeingand fromyou need tonot from a
25:31mind thatin juice,a condena,accuser,to another,to another,in secondis fundamental
25:39and youwill beto beto saythat thepeoplethat theperson's
25:45in aexercise physical.Because,because theexercisephysical isone of themost
25:49antidotesfront tothequadros ofanxietyanddepression,that
25:53areveryprocesses of the world. Any type of exercises.Egerio aerobic.Movers.Camin. Camin. Caminar.Correbora.Enter in contact with the
26:04naturalness. That's importantvery much. Movers. In thirdplace, importantimportantismtomake a question.Not what iswhat the other can
26:18do for me, but what I can doI for the other.to bethe way, theto looka purpose,theof a purpose
26:25thethat'sthatthat'sthat'sthat'sthat'smy
26:31angstiathat'sthat'ssuperusefulI knowa personof the
26:37world ofthepsychologythatexperimentedagreattradition
26:40objectivelyaboutandandandshesheshe
26:46didthisdidatransformation anda lot ofpeople withtheir example
26:53vital.So,are thingspass-to-pac-thatcan helpto notthat the
27:03seais not thatwe'remore thanin thatmarroult.And thenthat will
27:11that willallowthingsthat wedidn't eveneven evenwe'dsay
27:16Steve Jobsthat thepointscan'tonly when you lookto be back,never tothe way to
27:21thenot tohear ofpeople whohave beenfor thatfor abandonersetc.
27:30Decirhad tohavepassedfor thistoto benow
27:36to bethiscompletelydifferenttounderstandthat thelife
27:41nottherethereisatimethethe same
27:46whenonewhen oneiswhen one iswhen one iswhen youA book, the analogy is very basic, I know,
27:51pass a page and terminate aa capitual.But that capitur not determine the rest of thecapitals, the rest of the capitalsare still in the other thingsmost impressive that I've seen,are even a level physical,when a person understands
28:07that if she still culpingof the arida of today,to who the causer in theayer,is taking a position of victim,is deciding that mycircumstancesdetermine my
28:21life.That they define.That they'rein theway of sayingno.My circumstancesgenerated
28:28the arida.I amwho decidedthat theareais that in thepasto.It's a
28:34caratricebutno hasnothing tohave athing youhave abiter
28:39becausethe areaabirtedyou doyou makea shotthethe chakrit
28:44is sothat's justso youdon'tI think that arethat are thenevereasy,
28:51always possible,that ifwe understandthat there'sa senseprofound,that is morethat's more
28:59that,cuicia,condemnas,and so,we can'tdo thingspedantextraordinary.
29:07The importanceis solter?The importanceis soltar.A secondme asked,I asked,me asked,
29:12me,I said,a person,so itI put in an example,I like muchto the metaphorsof a globe
29:18aerostatic.I don't seeif here inthe marvellousain the marvellousain Spainnot is veryfrequent, in
29:25other placeslike Turkey, isvery frequent.There is permanent.There ispermanent.I saidthe next,
29:30look,when oneis that inthe globe,you know,when oneis nota astre,
29:37becausebe thatthat soltaryis tohave tohave tohave tohave to
29:41haveto be,and inthatmoment, you're going to say, but if I'm here, if I'mthis, I'm going toI've lost, no. Because in the moment in which youyou quit, it's a lot of unesperated,
29:53sorpentent, sobrecogedra, that the globestarts to levarse. And you can'tget to be new spaces. Whatoccur? That you, whenyou're in the soil, with yourcestita and with the lastre, you knowsee, nor do you imagine those newthe new
30:10the newthe newpassagesonlythosewill youyou're goingto
30:13let's try.Forthat'sa finalis afallof faith.It's
30:19aaand ahopeofafaithin that
30:23therethere'sa worldthat'sto beathinghas
30:32notnot evenhasthenewthe newand thatthat will
30:36naceranthe momentin themoment in theI decidedtolet'sthat
30:39that's thenew place.Becausethe newis another.It'sother.It's
30:45other thing.I don'tsee if youhaveseen thatbeautiful,I think it'sthe Pixar
30:50App.The sirmayorthat hasbeen awoman,that hadbeen a
30:57family,of all thelife,of all thelife,and withthelittle they
31:01startthings,they'rethe case,it's going toand itis a lot ofand how
31:07the lifeof thisperson istransformed.It'smarvellous.Well,Mario,
31:11I wantto givethethanks forregalarnedthistalkso that
31:19has beenaveryarealerothat I'mgoing tofeel
31:25in theirprocessbecausethey'relivingaprocessdue
31:29sothey'regoing tobemuchmorethanksfor
31:33so much of allheart of all theheart. Thank you, Lord. Thank you.
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