Dragon Friends - #1.03. The Less Theatrical Hobgoblin with Jordan Raskopoulos

Episode Date: August 11, 2015

Desperate to escape Daggerford, The Dragon Friends pose as porters to Kithercy Gellantara (played by special guest Jordan Raskopoulos), a righteous paladin that really should know better. Hosted... on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 As glory's just beginning, our adventure never ends The saga of the heroes that they call the Dragon Friends When last we left the Dragon Friends They'd just committed a series of gruesome and entirely needless murders While they were meant to be auditioning as performers There was Leonard Can I cast a witch bolt at Leonard? The Jailer
Starting point is 00:00:23 Barry So what else can I do? You can do whatever you want, but you have to kill him. And a lion. God told me to do it. Now they're on the run after being framed for murdering the Duke, a crime that, against all odds, they didn't commit. It was, in fact, the Duke's brother who is desperate to hunt them down
Starting point is 00:00:41 and kill them before they can reveal the truth. Make sure that our friends do not survive. Oh yeah, and Filge still has that dead rat. Please keep voice down, me rat sleeping. And now, this. It has been two days since the death of Alexander Tyrrell, Right Duke of Daggerford. of Alexander Tyrrell,
Starting point is 00:01:03 Right Duke of Daggerford. It has been one day since the coronation of his bastard brother, Davin Tyrrell, the man you suspect was responsible for his murder. Davin Tyrrell has successfully framed you for the murder
Starting point is 00:01:20 and you're on the run from his guards. You have broken out of his castle, Daggerford Castle, and you are making the run from his guards. You have broken out of his castle, Daggerford Castle, and you are making your way back to town, but your hearts are heavy. For who would believe three such as you against the word
Starting point is 00:01:36 of such an honoured gentleman? It's dark and it's raining and you have little to say to each other until you see the town across the hill. Maybe we shouldn't go back into town. It seems like a terrible trap. Nah. I reckon if we go back into town,
Starting point is 00:01:54 they're going to be, oh, they're the ones who rid us of that horrible Swift features and will get carried up on their shoulders like a tribute in the Roman days. I reckon they're going to say, there's that guy who killed our favourite lion. Let's get him.
Starting point is 00:02:09 So what are our other options then? Having a nap. I don't know, like live in a cave for a couple of years? Should we rest before we go in maybe? Can we rest before we go in? We've already rested. We've already rested. Well, I've already got my spell slot, so let's go.
Starting point is 00:02:24 So to be clear, it's about two hours from the town. rested. Well, I've already got my spell slots, so let's go. So, to be clear, it's about two hours from the town. You've caught your breath, you've had a short rest, recovered spell slots, your hit points are still where they were at the last adventure. I hope you're keeping track of them. Ooh, you're on one hit point, Alex. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:40 Yeah, you took a beating, so you're hurting, which is another reason you might want to get to town. Basically, you guys can live in a cave forever if you want, and that will be the end of the adventure of the hermits that they call the dragon friends. Is this the original Daggerfort town that we were... Yes, it's the town. Same town.
Starting point is 00:02:58 You guys, if you remember, you have humble lodgings at the Dragonback Inn. And you still owe Grim Saltback 50 gold pieces. Alright, here's a thing. 30, I think it was 30. If we go back there, we're going to have to give him that money, but there's no other bar in town. No, I have temple membership because I grew up there and was homeschooled
Starting point is 00:03:18 there. How many plus ones do you get? None, but I have lodging at all the local temples. So we can just go to the local temple and chill out there. Yeah, this is true. So just to be clear about what Hing is babbling about there, Hing is a junior acolyte of the
Starting point is 00:03:33 Temple of Mystra. Did we talk about last week how I was expelled or something? Am I on academic suspension or something? I can't remember. The shorthand we've been using is a homeschooled wizard, which is not a million miles away from the idea. So you... Right, but I can go to any temple and there are mortis lodgings there,
Starting point is 00:03:51 so let's just go stay there. We don't have to pay that bloody... Can they fix me with magic? I think so. Probably. I assume so. Let's go there and rest, Chesh, can we? So that's where you want to go?
Starting point is 00:03:59 Yeah. To the temple! Okay. You make your way through the town and very quickly as you're approaching the town you see lights everywhere. It seems that the town is up and in uproar. There's the smoke of torches and there are obviously patrols going through the streets. So you're going to have to work out your approach. Now are you sneaking? Are you trying to run there as fast as you can? Or are you just brazenly walking up to the door? Are we strutting?
Starting point is 00:04:27 Yeah. Have you seen that clip of the Bee Gees? We're going to give that a crack. Well you can't tell by the way I'm running around, I've killed a lion. Okay, you start strutting late at night down the main avenue of Daggerfall. And I'm like just pointing at people as I walk. So the two of you are strutting and Filch is desperately in need of medical attention. Which is very heavy. What are we going to do?
Starting point is 00:05:05 I'm just being dragged along by my hair. I just want to say you're both very cocky for the two that fell off a bridge into the water while Filge did the final fight for you last time. Incredibly cocky. You've got the most hit points. You walk towards the temple and as you are walking,
Starting point is 00:05:22 making no attempt to hide yourselves, you spot a patrol of two guards coming in the opposite direction. They see you and they call out... They go, Oi! Oi! What are you bloody doing that for? What's all that about?
Starting point is 00:05:46 I don't like the look of this at all. And the other one's like, okay. Let me handle this. Please. Excuse me, officers. What seems to be the problem? What you do out?
Starting point is 00:06:03 I know that there's a curfew out there strutting about? Well, we're on our way to the temple where I have membership as I am a member of it. So if you would just let us pass, we'd go and we'd be off your streets in no time at all. Is this going to trigger a check? I think that is going to... What? What? So that is deception because you are escapees from the dungeon of Daggerford Castle, who presumably is something they would want to know about. But how would they recognise us?
Starting point is 00:06:35 Where have you been tonight? Earlier this evening, we were at home with our parents. We're from a foster home. Sorry, didn't you just say that you were from the temple, famously supported by orphans? Yes. Now, let me explain that for one moment. I was originally schooled in the temple. However, uh,
Starting point is 00:06:53 Filger's parents, who are a human and an orc, that's why she's a half-orc. Hang on, is she a half-orc? She's a half-orc. And are you a wizard? Yes. And is that short bloke a halfling? No, no, no. He's just... I'm a dwarf. I'm a dwarf. I'm a very skinny dwarf. Make a deception check, Hing. Make a deception check.
Starting point is 00:07:07 All right. This is our first check of the night. So, Hing, take a 20-sided dice. Yep. And what is... Deception is zero, so I don't have a modifier for that, but I roll a 15. Good grief.
Starting point is 00:07:18 Who'd have thought it? The guards look at you inscrutably, and you wait very slowly while Colt's turn... I refuse to break eye contact. And then one of them turns around and is like, I've got a bad feeling about this. Let's just... Yeah, run away! Run away! See what happens!
Starting point is 00:07:38 And then they do. And they live another day. Yeah. That's a very good point. Before we pass judgment on those guards, they're the only two guards to have so far survived a chance meeting with the dragon friends. You make your way up to the doors of the temple
Starting point is 00:08:00 and presumably bang three times on the door. That's the secret knock. It squeaks open and the shaved head of a junior acolyte of the Temple of Mystra peeks out. Hi there, prof... sir? I'm Friso, I'm a member of this temple and I have two of my friends with me. One is a half-orc and one is a dwarf. As you can see. And we were wondering if we could stay here for the night.
Starting point is 00:08:37 Hi, Friso. How are you? Are we still on for squash tomorrow? Oh, sorry, I couldn't see. Have you had a haircut recently? I have always been bald. I think I'm used to you wearing that wonderful wig that hides your baldness so well. Why are you lying to me?
Starting point is 00:09:01 You know what? Should we break character for a second? Generally in improv, you yes and, alright? This is a lot of blocking going on right now. It's less yes and and more fuck you. Anyway, I've... What should I... Sir?
Starting point is 00:09:21 So just be aware that anything you say at the table is what you are saying to him. Okay, Friso, I know what you're going on about blocking and improv, but would you like me to get the head of the temple for you? No, just let us in would be best. You live here, that is also fine. Okay, please let us in, and I will take my friends up to my room.
Starting point is 00:09:42 She looks terrible. Oh, yes, do you have any... Fix me. Yeah, cool. Well, it's certainly my turn to clean, so I guess I'll be mopping up orc vomit. All right. Oh, no, wait, it's half orc vomit.
Starting point is 00:09:57 Lucky day for me. Always so glad of our little chats, Friso. Well, I know where my room is because I live here, so I'm just going to go there with my friends. Do so. Okay. Okay. After a painful conversation, as the acolyte slowly and angrily
Starting point is 00:10:16 picks up a bucket and starts cleaning, you make your way through the stone stairs and past the ensconced torches into the temple itself. Mystra is the mother of magic. This is a temple, but also a house of magic.
Starting point is 00:10:32 And this is where you did your schooling. Such as it was. Can we just rest? Maybe because I have a feeling that someone in this temple is going to either betray us or try and question us or we're going to have to fight. So maybe we should just take some time to rest.
Starting point is 00:10:50 We should hold up in your room. Your room, just so you are aware, is because as all acolytes, you took a vow of poverty. Your room is like a small wooden board and a bowl full of quinoa. That is very expensive. Is this poverty quinoa day? What do the poor eat? Quinoa. And only just some scraps of rotting kale.
Starting point is 00:11:21 Well, it's just you all laugh. Daggerford is a farming community which mostly grows quinoa, so actually the way that the economy works is that quinoa is very cheap, but if you want some bread, you're joking. Yeah, you are full of jokes. All right. The bloody jokes. So you could probably, one of you could sleep on the bed.
Starting point is 00:11:42 All right, well, let's prioritise and I'll sleep on the bed then, obviously. Let's put Filge on the bed because she's about to die. Do you want to have a little lay down, buddy? Do you want to cuddle up to Katie? While you're working this out, there is a soft knock on the door. Don't come in!
Starting point is 00:12:03 Don't come in! The voice goes, Friso? Is that you? Yes! No, but don't! Are you wanking again, Friso? Yes! And you don't want to see it again! Remember what happened last time? You were very embarrassed.
Starting point is 00:12:21 Do you want to very quickly make a perception check for me and try and beat ten? Fourteen. Fourteen. Okay, you recognise the voice as Mistress Lorna, who is the mistress of the temple, but she was also your teacher. So you have a long history with her.
Starting point is 00:12:38 Oh, yes, we do. Yeah. No mistress. Mistress. I quickly pull the covers over Filge so that as much of her is covered as possible and I crawl into the upper corner ceiling of the... and just stand there like Spider-Man above the door
Starting point is 00:12:58 so that she can't see me if she comes in. Can I make a perception check to see if I believe that he's wanking? I'll do the noise if you want. I don't see why not. What do I got to be? Don't come in! It's a very easy check.
Starting point is 00:13:18 It's a 10 because the noise of Friso wanking is horrifying. And one doesn't forget it. So how do you critically hit knowing that I'm not wanking? How do you just nail that? What she says, she says, Friso, I know what your wanking sounds like. And it sounds like this. And then she
Starting point is 00:13:39 flawlessly replicates it. How does she do that though? She goes, flawlessly replicates it. How does she do that, though? She goes, Ah! Mistress, I've been working on my wank screens.
Starting point is 00:13:51 She opens the door. I've never been more embarrassed to be not touching myself. Well, as you can see, I'm just here by myself. Freezo, freezo, Freezo. Have I taught you nothing? Apparently not.
Starting point is 00:14:09 I was your teacher. Little teacher joke there. Anyway. She sees the orc and she, despite your best efforts, Bobby, in a tiny room with literally nothing except a plank of wood and a ball of quinoa that you chose not to hide in. I didn't think it was that big a ball. I think wood and a ball of quinoa that you chose not to hide in. I didn't think it was that big a ball. I think it's a bowl of quinoa.
Starting point is 00:14:30 Is it a barrel? She looks at you and she says, the guards came an hour ago. I know what's happened. You seem to be in an awful lot of trouble. They say you killed the Duke. I know, Friso, you'd never kill anyone.
Starting point is 00:14:51 The blanket goes, ha! Friso goes real cold for a moment and goes, yeah, you're right, I wouldn't. I would never, ever hurt anyone. Especially you, mistress. Oh! And she goes, uh, okey-doke.
Starting point is 00:15:12 Ah, this must be your companions. Filch, Bobby, you must be tired. I drop to the ground and land graceful as a cat. Mistress Lorna claps her hand. No, can he do a check, please? Actually, yes. Can you?
Starting point is 00:15:27 That's an acrobatics check, and we're going to say, because you've been up all night and I'd love it if you failed, that it's moderate, so you've got to beat 15. Ooh, a good 10. I land on my face. But none of my teeth fall out.
Starting point is 00:15:41 I have many things to talk to you all about. Something interesting, perhaps. Please, rest up the night. Enjoy the quinoa. Sample of the local artisan broad juice. Can I ask, Mistress? Have a goji berry smoothie, why not? Do you have any bread?
Starting point is 00:16:04 Bread? Are you out of bread? Bread? Are you out of your goddamn mind? Oh, it's just, you know, I thought it'd be easy to make some. All you could do is you could use the quinoa to make a flower and it's not important, it's fine. So what's going to make me not nearly dead? Is it quinoa? What has to happen to me? It's a rest, which you're about to have, which is great.
Starting point is 00:16:23 So let's rest up for the night. So she goes night-night and then closes the door. Actually, she claps her hands and acolytes come in and they lead you to your own terrible rooms full of artisanal food. So we're all in separate rooms? You're all given separate rooms. So you can wank to your heart's content. Yeah, from my room.
Starting point is 00:16:40 As soon as they close the door. I've not been alone in days. You looked me... The last time we got up on this table, got up and did this show, you looked me in the eye and said that you were done with the filthy humour. But you know what's funny?
Starting point is 00:17:04 The last time we did this show, there were several kids in the audience who kept being like, oh, so sorry, so sorry, so sorry. And this time, nope. So all of you regain. You can actually roll one hit dice each at your constitution and gain back that many hit points. And we're about to meet our guest.
Starting point is 00:17:22 Yeah, we do, because in the morning, you go down to breakfast and the temple is quite empty. Mistress Lorna is still there eating some kind of quinoa. Excuse me, but I got one. Then you gain, I'm afraid,
Starting point is 00:17:38 three hit points back. Maybe you might meet someone soon who is gifted in the ways of magical healing. Boy, I hope so. Because the other person that you meet at the temple is a quite intimidating figure dressed in armour, a shield to the side of her table and a scabbarded sword as well. And to play her today, will you please welcome from the Axis of Awesome, Jordan Raskobolek! I am Kivisi Galantara, Paladin of Wrath's Eternal Righteousness, Beholder unto the Truth, which is an acrostic that says KG Power Butt. I did not notice that when you sent it to me.
Starting point is 00:18:33 Now, Kithasi is a level two paladin, and she's a paladin of the sun god Amuanata. So what I've done for you, Jordan, because I like to give gifts to guests, is I have... A hot dog. That would be weird, wouldn't it? I have put together for you a reading from the first book of Amuanata,
Starting point is 00:18:56 and this includes holy laws and commandments. You're treating me like someone who hasn't already done their fucking research. You know what? This is true. He's used to playing with people like us. If you suddenly just dumped on the table a giant dusty book, that would have been amazing. So here you are. These are your commandments.
Starting point is 00:19:16 And as a paladin, you've sworn a holy oath to uphold them. You can just have a look at them in your leisure, but just so you've got something to have a little look at. So what's a paladin all about? So I'm a holy crusader. I am lawful good, so I believe in the law and I believe in good. I certainly don't believe in killing people for no reason. And I am dedicated to the god of the sun, Amu-Anator. So look, I'm a fighter and a healer and a lover and all things in between.
Starting point is 00:19:44 No one to hold them, no one to fold them. How old are you? How old is your character? Rude. No, I just mean like, are you like, because paladins sometimes are like wizened. My character is a human. So she's in her mid-twenties. Oh, cool.
Starting point is 00:20:01 So she's a young... She's like a Hillsong type. Yeah. Basically. One of those cool churches of the sun god. We call it Thrill Song. But in
Starting point is 00:20:14 elf years, you know, it's fuck all. Okay. So Lorna comes up to the table and says, Oh, good. I see you've met Kithesee. It occurs to me that she may have a unique solution to your problem Of being so egregiously framed for murder You see, Kithese, she explains, is not obviously of our temple
Starting point is 00:20:39 And is merely passing through on How'd you get in here then? Who let her in? We're just letting any riff-raff in here now, aren't we? Actually, what happened was the man who was meant to be looking after the door had gone to get a mop and...
Starting point is 00:20:56 Kithesee is on her way to Waterdeep and she has a wagon for this purpose. Now, it's not... I'm sure you realise the guards are out looking for you and I've already been told by other acolytes that there is now guards posted at the gates of the Wals town and it's difficult to get out.
Starting point is 00:21:14 Kithisi has papers that will let her out and through and it is not unreasonable for a paladin of her stature to have porters and servants. So, I've spoke to Kithisi last night and... Yes, and you assured me that these people are good and that the charges are obviously wrong and
Starting point is 00:21:34 that they are not the kind of people to ever break the law or commit any murders. Is that correct? Just to reinforce that I'm doing everything by the book. The good book of Amu and Ator. If you'd like to hear about him some more, I have some tracks. Excuse me, Kifusi.
Starting point is 00:21:49 You've got a wagon? Yes. Does that mean you have a pony? I have a bartered steed. What's his name? Arthur. What colour is it? Brown.
Starting point is 00:21:59 Can I pat it? No. Remember what happened last time? You didn't feed it with that flat palm and you got your fingers bit, didn't you? You got a flat palm when you're feeding a pony. We're going to feed that pony later. I put a lot of quinoa in my pockets.
Starting point is 00:22:15 So is this a plan that you guys want to go for? Well, yes, because we need to get out of this town. Now, if we're heading to Waterdeep, though, won't there be more guards and people looking for us there? Well, I'm from Waterdeep, and I'm wanted for being a thief. So it's not great for me. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. And by thief, I mean thief of hearts,
Starting point is 00:22:40 because I am such a ladies' man. You wink at Kifusi as you say that? Wink! He doesn't wink, he just says wink. I actually can't wink. I can blink or I can say wink. My understanding I think is that Bobby's been out to country, away from the
Starting point is 00:22:59 city for a while now. Maybe the heat's died down you think? I think the heat probably will have died down. And you've got friends in Waterdeep that might be able to help you. You do have friends there. There are certainly probably people there that would kill you. But... Waterdeep is a large place. It's easy enough to lose yourself there. Alright.
Starting point is 00:23:16 Use yourself in the music at the moment. And then she takes out... Not spaghetti. Spaghetti. Okay. Thank you. We're set off? That guy comes back with a mop.
Starting point is 00:23:30 All right. Let's just go, shall we? Let's get into it. All right. Does Kithisee have any healing powers that might help Filjah before we set off? You know, you can look at me. Oh, I'm sorry. Ask me that question.
Starting point is 00:23:42 Just because she's from a different temple, guys. I'm really sorry. Can we speak to her really slowly? Like she can't understand us. Hi, Kithesi. Hello. Mission bone sticking out. You fix.
Starting point is 00:24:00 Sure, I lay hands. I lay hands. I'll grow up. Ah! Ah! Ah! Come on. Come on. Oath of chastity, you guys. Sorry. I lay hands and give some hit points back to Filch.
Starting point is 00:24:23 Do you know how many? I think you can give up to ten. I can give up to ten a day, so have three hit points. Treat yourself. Yeah. I have a feeling I may need to use the other seven later. Just so I know for future reference, Kithesee, can you cast those laying hands on yourself?
Starting point is 00:24:38 Can you heal yourself? Yes, you can. Dude, come on. What? I'm sorry, Kithnessy. When I think about you, I heal myself. So, Mistress Lorna provides you with provisions, travelling cloaks,
Starting point is 00:24:54 and if you want, she also offers to pass your payment on to Grim Saltback. It would not be a problem at all. In fact, I'm going to see Grim. Actually. I'm going to see Grim's scar back. It would not be a problem at all. In fact, I'm going to see Grim. Actually. I'm going to see Grim's scar concert very soon. Mistress, I'm a little bit short of money. Could I borrow 30 gold pieces from you to pay Grim? Also, I'll take it out of the orphan's fund.
Starting point is 00:25:17 Thank you. We're good for it. All right, so you... I'm horrified. She packs your bags. You decide not to pay Grim Saltback back. She packs a lunch for all of you. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:25:33 Of quinoa. And she provides you, as I said, with travelling cloaks to play the part of porters to Kithisee. Yes, I also have a ten-foot pole that needs holding by one of you. Bags not. Bags not. Damn it! You make your way through the streets and you can see that the
Starting point is 00:25:53 guards have, if anything, picked up the speed at which they are searching for you and in fact it looks like more of them are going to make their way to the temple soon. So you're probably, it's good that you're getting out. As you make your way down towards the streets
Starting point is 00:26:09 you see that there is indeed a checkpoint placed at the gates and as you approach and Kithasi, you have papers that will get you through this so I imagine Yeah, yeah, I just hope I don't have to lie because I can't. Okay.
Starting point is 00:26:29 That is one of the commandments. Oh, yeah. Never lie or cheat. Never lie or cheat. That's commandment number two. So you make your way to the gate where you see two guards. The law is the law. Commandment number one.
Starting point is 00:26:43 You see two guards waiting who seem bored, disinterested, waving people through. And as you approach, they ask... Oh, they're talking to each other. And they're like... Have you heard the newest Grim Saltback track? It's all a lot of horns. Didn't these guards die?
Starting point is 00:27:04 No. Are you guys talking about the Mighty Mighty Hearthstones? I love the Mighty Mighty Hearthstones. Oh, yeah. I love the bloody Mighty Mighty Hearthstones. The song they play. Get a goblin and dance with it. It's such a good song.
Starting point is 00:27:22 I love it. I love it. Can't get enough. Anyway, on your way. Thank you. And's such a good song. I love it. I love it. Can't get enough. Anyway, on your way. Thank you. And you make your way through. Just so you know, Kithisee is genuinely a fan. She has to be.
Starting point is 00:27:38 Yeah, she is. Can't lie. Can't lie. Can't cheat. You make your way. As I said, Waterdeep is two days' ride. Can't lie. You make your way, as I said, Waterdeep is two days' ride,
Starting point is 00:27:48 so you start walking and you take the opportunity to properly introduce yourselves to Kithisee and to reminisce a little bit about the time that you've spent in a way that would be appropriate to reminisce in front of a lawful good paladin. So how did you get into being a paladin? Is that a uni course, like a TAFE thing? How does that work? Look, I was an orphan.
Starting point is 00:28:08 Hey, me too! Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, and so it was either that or sex work, and I thought, you know, why not? Yeah, okay. Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty liberal about this kind of thing. I think sex work's just another kind of work, you know?
Starting point is 00:28:20 But, you know, sometimes there's exploitation, obviously. That's not great. But, you know, just no judgement if you did. No, no, no. Cool. Anyone have any other questions for Kithisee? I have a question for the four of you, which is just that you were all also given mules to ride
Starting point is 00:28:35 and Simon, you were even allowed to touch yours. As opposed to hovering above it. So what's the riding order, just so I'm aware of? Well, who's got the most hit points now? I think Kivisi will probably be leading the way, I would think. Yeah, I do have the most hit points, whatever that means. One of you is going to have to drive the wagon as well. Bags.
Starting point is 00:29:01 All right. Well, I guess we'll go wagon in the middle to protect it. Yep. And then Filge and I together at the back. Excellent. All right. In that case, leading the way, Kitheseed, will you just make me a little perception check?
Starting point is 00:29:14 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, not good. Nine. Nine? All right. Excellent. Thank you very much.
Starting point is 00:29:22 You are having a lovely old time. You guys stop for a morning snack and have a little bit of... Quinoa, good. And in the afternoon you make your way forward. And indeed you're having such a wonderful time that you fail to notice shapes in the outskirts of the forest around the... Sorry, just pizza shapes, barbecue shapes? Any type.
Starting point is 00:29:45 Again, snacks appropriate to a game of this type. Cheetos. You're suddenly attacked by a giant triangle. Smartass. And it is therefore, all of you are caught by surprise when suddenly an arrow
Starting point is 00:30:01 appears through the trees and lands in front of your horse, making it shy slightly. Alarm! Alarm! A voice from the forest calls out. Give me back me bloody arrow! That was meant to bloody kill you, wasn't it? Well, well, well. Looks like we have something you want.
Starting point is 00:30:27 And... Well, well, well, looks like we have something you want. And you have something we want, which is to not kill us, please. Now, if I give you this arrow back, are you going to just shoot it at us again? Now, if I give you this arrow back, are you going to just shoot it at us again? While you were talking, four hobgoblins have managed to appear out of the woods on either side of the road. One of them looks slightly put out, holding a bow. Two of them have wicked curved scimitars, and one of them has a leash with a snarling angry wolf-like dog. I'm a murderer. I think to myself.
Starting point is 00:31:14 Now, Kithisi, just in the frack-ar. In the six seconds we have to speak. Hey, are you allowed to defend yourself if you're attacked? Fuck yes. Okay, cool. I just wanted to check you weren't going to wuss out on us. Right! Apparently swearing
Starting point is 00:31:29 isn't off the... I will take my arrow back, but I will also take all of your money. And your wagon. And your wheels of your wagon. And one of each of your shoes.
Starting point is 00:31:48 Just, not for me, just because I'll think about it later and I'll be like, well, that'd be annoying, wouldn't it? Because you'll only have one shoe. And maybe, maybe, two of you will have the same size feet and that might work. But most of you will just be like, oh, I'll be bloody one foot. So that will have her all, I'll be bloody one foot. So that will I have a role. I'll unleash me friends and me warg on you. Listen, sir, you may not be aware of this
Starting point is 00:32:11 but everything you've offered to do just then is clearly against the law. I'm KG Powerbutt and paladin of Amun-Atul, may his light be upon you. And look, perhaps you'd like to rethink what you've just said and, you know, carry on with your day. Let us carry on with ours. Yeah, we're really encouraging you to think about your choices you're making. And he does a really big pantomime. He's like, well, well, well, boys, let me have a think.
Starting point is 00:32:40 And he poses like the figure. But that's a famous statue in this world too. Was Rodin also a famous sculptor in this? Yeah. Okay. Well, well, well. Let me have a think. Oh, that's the thinker.
Starting point is 00:32:52 I've seen that statue before. Meanwhile, the other two hobgoblins that are slightly less theatrical have by now sheathed their scimitars and notched their own bows. And they're both pointing at Kithisee. One of them repeats, you heard the man, drop your gold, leave everything and walk away. Alright, now do all of these goblins only have one arrow each?
Starting point is 00:33:14 Is that how this is working? You can only assume so far. You haven't seen any more arrows, but you also haven't seen their backs. Alright, what about I pick up the arrow that we have and I hold it against the neck of the dog? They are...
Starting point is 00:33:31 And I say... Just so you're aware, they're about 60 feet away from you on either side of the road. You guys are trapped in the middle because they've got the drop on you. Right, okay, and what you're doing right now is holding an arrow to my neck, so maybe just put that away. I'll kill him! I'll kill him! She'll do it! She's crazy! She's crazy!
Starting point is 00:33:50 All right, let's just roll for initiative, shall we? I feel like we're being attacked. Rolling for initiative. Shall we roll for initiative? All right. The Dragon Friends are Alex Lee, Michael Hing, and Simon Greiner in a DM by Dave Harmon with NPC voices by Ben Jenkins. Shakira Khan designs our website. The podcast
Starting point is 00:34:06 is mixed and edited by Ben and recorded live at Giant Dwarf Theatre with music and live accompaniment by Benny Davis. Our story's just beginning Our adventure never ends The saga of the heroes that they call the Dragon Friends

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