Dragon Friends - #1.04. Hey, I'm Worgin' Here! with Jordan Raskopoulos

Episode Date: August 25, 2015

The Dragon Friends and Kithercy Gellantara discover that fighting hobgobblins is nothing compared to navigating their judicial system. Featuring special guest Jordan Raskopoulos. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As glory's just beginning, our adventure never ends The saga of the heroes that they call the Dragon Friends As always, we begin the second act with a recap of the story so far, best as he could follow it. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Benny Davis. The moon was high above us when our heroes came to town And they knew the gods would find them, but they chose to strut around. When they went to Friso's temple and met Kithasi, who's great, with a broadsword right beside her and some quinoa on her plate,

our story's just beginning, our adventure never ends. The saga of the heroes that we call the Dragon Friends. Now our heroes are surrounded, there's hobgoblins all around one has even shot an arrow things were better back in town and they've done a lot of talking but at last it's time to fight I can play some action music and finally do some work tonight our story's just beginning our adventure never ends the saga of the heroes that we call the Dragon Friends. 10 feet ahead of it on her barbed steed is Kithisi Galantara. Now, on each side of the road, about 60 feet away, there are four wargs. There are four hobgoblins. Three of them.

Racist. It's not racist. Three of them have short bows and scimitars. Their bows are ready. Arrows are knocked. And there is also one of them is holding a straining leash with a war which is like picture a wolf now make it even more hungry like the wolf and you've got a warg so a hungry wolf thank you very much yes how far apart are all these they're basically 60 degrees they're like a 15-foot cone? No.

They're in clumps of two on each side, within 15 feet of each other on each side. Now, the first person to react is Bobby. So, Bobby, what are you going to do? I say, you want an arrow? Here's an arrow. And then he gives him the arrow. From my vantage point on top of the wagon, I pull out

my short bow, draw it, and shoot at the leader of the goblins who has taunted us so. Great, excellent. Alright, well do you want to go ahead and make an attack roll? At 16 plus Wait, which one's...

19. Oh. Does that hit? 19. Yeah, 19 will hit. So the arrow hits and... That's nine. Nine.

Excellent, nine. All right. He staggers back, bloodied and close to death. Well done. Next person is Alex. All right, I'm going to get out my javelin. So I do that. Roll a d20.

No, a d6. So you can draw a javelin as a bonus. Sorry, yeah. You can draw your javelin as a bonus action, which means you can still throw it. Testing you guys. Yeah, so I draw my javelin because I did javelin in high school because I was quite big and I couldn't really do other athletics.

Anyway, I did javelin. There was a ribbon dance that was... It was very bad. Alright, and I got a... Sorry, just to be clear, because they are more than 30 feet away, you're at disadvantage, so you're going to have to roll two of these and the worst number... I can throw up to 30 feet.

But they're more than 30 feet away. So I got... Which one do I choose? The worst one. The lower. So I got an 8. Excellent, which means that you let out a roar and remembering everything that you remembered from your

junior athletics class, you throw the javelin which falls next to the arrow that the bandits have put in front of you. Now we've got something you want. And I burst into tears and say, me just wanted to be good at hurdles. The hobgoblins attack.

The two on your leftmost flank hit the sea. Both fire arrows at you you and one of the arrows hits dealing, now these are wicked barbed hobgoblin arrows, can I just steal one of these, thank you very much, meaning that it deals four plus one, so five piercing damage. So you take five hit points. The other one misses. The other two fire at... ...Frizo, because I don't like Frizo. One of them rolls a one and drops his bow. Excellent. And I go, yeah, you idiot! The other one rolls a 16, which...

Ah, you st- ow! Ow! Ow! The other one is holding the warg, and so he lets go of the leash, and the warg starts rushing towards you. All right, can I witch bolt that warg as it's coming towards me now? When it gets to your turn, you can. Oh, all right, okay. The warg dashes towards you, doing a full 60 feet like it was not even nothing, and it jumps up.

Hey, do we need a voice for the warg? Oh, yeah, sorry. Hey, I'm war a voice for the war? Oh, yeah, sorry. Hey, I'm walking here. This is a warg that speaks English. Is that right? Yeah. Or someone speaks wargish. That was wargish. It didn't mean anything. But I understood.

I understood that. Yeah. Okay. Does this warg have a name? Is it called Christopher Wargen? Wargen Freeman? Warg. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Anyway, he's running toward Freeza.

All right. Excellent. Runs towards Freeza. Freeza, what's your armour class? Not before he stops and says that his favorite Nick Gianopoulos movie is The Warg Boy. So now everyone's done one.

All right, my armor class is 14. All right, the warg rolls a 13. It doesn't hit, so that warg just shuts up. You idiot warg. Plus five to hit for its bite attack, which means that it deals to you two D6. That's quite a lot. Oh, Freezer's not looking for this world.

Yeah, all right. That's eight hit points. All right. And then you now need to make a DC strength saving throw. So make a D20 at your strength saving throw, which is minus one. All right, I got a seven in total. Great. It knocks you off your horse and it's pinning you to the ground.

Jordan, you're next. So we have established that this is a talking walk. Is that right? Yeah, this is not only a talking walk. This is a walk with, like, badass... Okay Yeah, this is not only a talking warg, this is a warg with like badass... Okay, and speaks a language that I understand. Oh, I know where you're going with this. And presumably can also speak.

So I'm going to use command. Which is a spell you can only use if it can understand your language. Correct. This is bullshit. You know that, right? All right, you cast command. You can say one word, and as long as it will not cause the warg direct harm,

the warg has to do what you say. And I think it has to make a saving throw. So it's a wisdom saving throw, DC 13. So wargs, funnily enough, have terrible wisdom. Hang on. Are you doing either word? Yeah, what's the word? Sit.

I was really afraid you were going to be like, kill. And that was going to be it. Something primordial, something ancient clicks in the warg's head and it jumps off Rezo, sits on its haunches to attention, and then with its tongue lolling out, very happily says, I'm no longer wargin' here. I had three jokes.

Excellent. Pink, you're very lucky because you couldn't have asked Magic where you had a warg on you, but now you're free, what do you do? I am going to kill that fucking Presumably you stand up I stand up and I'm going to cast a Witch Bolt at the Elite Goblin Witch Bolt!

And I 12, 17 This is the one that's already hurt? Yeah, 17 That will do it At the Theatrical Goblin And I then spell attack And then I roll, sorry, a 1d12. All right, d12, hi-yah!

And I roll a 4. I do 4 damage. 4 damage. Watching somebody die from Witch Bolt is the most horrifying thing that you can ever imagine. The hobgoblin's skin melts and peels and pools at his feet. Skin melts and peels and pools at his feet. The skeleton of the hobgoblin tries to form a word, possibly calling for a half-remembered parent. As they collapse.

Yeah, it's not all bloody zapzos and fucking candy bars. Into a puddle of goo. That's not a murder. They started it. It's fine. Simon, what do you do? To be clear, you did throw the... I mean, they shot the arrow, but it was a warning arrow. You were the one who did...

Listen, I'm not big on remorse. I think that's been made abundantly clear. How many hobgoblins are left? There's only this... There's a warg, which seems to be okay at the moment. And there are three left. Okay, I shoot another one with my arrow. All right, great, excellent. And you've got to beat 16.

That's a 12 plus... Five. That's 17. 17, that'll hit. Oh, it's a one plus 3, 4 damage. 4 damage, great. Okay, this one is looking also bloodied. These guys are pretty weak and your short post got some stopping power in it.

Excellent. Alex, what do you do? I'm going to get a maul. I'm going to maul someone. Excellent. All right. You can run. You can do a dash attack now that you're standing up.

Yeah. And they are 60 feet, so you can actually run that. Yep, great. So you dash in. Yep. So I got a... Twelve. Yep, yep, twelve. Yep, twelve. So you make a big swing and... I got an 11 feet. It does. Yeah, but so you rolled what to hit? Twelve. I got an 11. He does. Yeah, but so you rolled what to hit?

12. 12. That unfortunately misses. So you swing and you get the sense that you would have absolutely murdered him. However, you miss. Next up is the hobgoblins. Two more hobgoblins appear over the hill. With them is a new being that you haven't seen.

He's wearing red robes and you can see from the snout that he's not a hobgoblin. He in fact looks reptilian. In his hand is a staff made out of swamp shit. And that's me reaching for a word. He didn't make it out of...

I hate my staff. I love how eloquently you could bring up half-remembered parents but you couldn't think of the word for like mangroves or like

He calls something out in a language which is Orcish which I think most of you won't understand. Guten Tag! Does Bilge speak Orcish? Oh, Bilge would understand Orkish.

Yeah, and I say... uh... Heil! Sorry, are Orks Germans in this? Oh, they were Germans in Tolkien, they could be German in this! Oh my goodness.

No, no, I don't. I say, I say, uh... Guten Morgen, Ork. No, no, I don't. Zughail. I say, hi. I say, guten morgen. Guten morgen. Guten morgen, mein worgen. Yeah. Yeah. And then he picks up the staff and he's like, ugh, this. And then he waves it about and bangs it on the ground.

And everybody make a constitution saving throw and beat 20. 20? What? How? All right. I do not. And your constitution? I do not.

I got 22. Okay. All around you, Phil, you guys suddenly feel your eyes falling heavy as the steam of the swamp seems to exude out of the very trees and from underneath his robe and cover the area around the wagon. You guys slowly sink into a sickly sleep. Filge, you feel kind of okay, but everybody has fallen asleep. Filch, you feel kind of okay, but everybody has fallen asleep. And the lizard goes, nighty-night. Wait, what?

When he looks at you. So what do you do? That's it. And he goes, oh. Oh, yeah. That usually works. And then he kind of looks at the staff and kind of shakes it to his ear. And he's like,

can someone just grab her? And then like six orcs surround her. Hobgoblins, but yeah. Hobgoblins, yes. Do you want to go with them? They're surrounding you. Go with them. They ask you to lay down your weapons. And they're starting to drag your friends away. I'm going to do... They're starting to what?

Drag your friends away. Dragging your friends away. I'm going to do an... They're starting to what? Drag your friends away? Dragging your friends away. They're turning. The crowd is turning on us. I pushed them to the limit with Walkboy. All right, so I go, you make friends sleepy time. Mismash.

As I'm falling asleep, I'm just going, take a long walk off a short pier. One of the hobgoblins looks at you and says, you come with us, Ork One. You see Frisco. Frisco see you. I say, is Frisco daddy? And they're like

yeah sure okay whatever yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

and all of them like yeah yeah yeah yeah Also also like one of them

says now that I'm closer to you is that just a dead rat on your shoulder? Me sorry no

this this pet Katie Katie's so rude why you know why you not introduce yourself to a daddy's friend? And she's quiet because she's just, you know, she's playing hard to get. She's so mysterious.

That's Katie for you. Filge goes with her new friends, I presume, to go meet Frisco. And for the rest of you, what transpires is a mystery, although for Filch it's a pretty good afternoon. You awake specifically Bobby to a tugging on... What? And Bobby's like... Bobby's like, it's not my birthday.

What's going on? You awake to a tugging at your jerkin. I didn't even... Sorry, Ben, you're going to have to do this one. Okay, so somebody is just grabbing your wiener and you awake to a, oh God, it's hard. Oh! The first thing you realise when you're awake is that nobody is touching your privates. So he screams.

You awake and discover that you are in what seems to be a kind of rudely constructed wooden dock. of rudely constructed wooden dock, a sort of speaking pulpit that you have been propped up in a chair. You also notice at this point... You're a ventriloquist doll. ...that your hands have been tied to the sides of the chair and beside you are Friso and Kithasi. Filge is not tied to Filj's chair

and Filj is enjoying a plate of fruits but is sitting next to you in the same dock. Is this like a wooden stage? It's kind of, yeah, it's like a rough stage. It's like we're on trial or something? Yeah. Not unlike that. Are we on trial? The tugging is coming

from a small... It's coming, sorry. They're turning on you. It is coming from a small... Coming, sorry. They're turning on you. It is coming from a small, incredibly filthy-looking, not a hobgoblin, actually, a goblin, who is trying to get your attention. We know the difference, don't we, guys? Yeah, we're not racists. And he's like, hey, hey, hey.

I say, goblin friend, tell me, what the hell is going on? And he goes, look, guys, I've got to be honest, it's not great. You want the bad news first? Is there good news? What news do you want first? Bad news first. Okay, you are on trial. You have broken several hobgoblin laws,

and I'm not going to lie, not looking great. Are you our lawyer? That's the bloody good news! You now start to pay more attention to yourself, and you realise that the hobgoblins have constructed basically a rough human court. It's outside and it's next in front of the dais where the biggest Hobgoblin that you've ever seen

sits on a throne wearing someone's scalp like a wig. This is a parody of the law I saw of, the law of Amuonator. May his light be upon you. Okay, lady. You're going to need to put a lid on that. That's the very first thing I've got to say as your attorney. You can't be yapping on about that stuff.

All right, lawyer. What shall we call you? You can call me Gribbons. Sorry, Gribbons? Gribbons. Oh, my apologies. Okay, well, it's Gribbons. Gribbons? Gribbons. Gribbons. All right, Gribbets? Gribbets. Oh, my apologies. Okay, well, it's Gribbets. Gribbets?

Gribbets. Gribbets, all right, Gribbets. What have we been charged with, Gribbets? So have I been charged? Like, am I sitting? What? What? Gribbets, what have we been charged with?

Yeah, you're with us. I'm with you, but I'm not being tied up. Yeah, you've got free. No, so what's happened? Something very eloquent. Oh. Yeah, you've got throat. Something very eloquent. Oh! Hobgoblin lore is... The Hobgoblin society is actually... They understand very little of what the elder cultured races do,

but they love to mimic. So this kind of thing you've never seen before, but it's perhaps not unheard of. Often hobgoblins will create armies and with all of the pageantry and order of human armies that they fight against, these goblins seem to love themselves some lore. Now, you have for some reason that Gribbets explained to you,

partly because you're an orc, you've broken some laws but not as many laws as the others, and you're not quite sure because you're an orc, not, you've broken some laws, but not as many laws as the others, and you're not quite sure because you didn't understand anything he was saying. All right, so I turn a whisper to them and I say, they think me their god. And then I, like, get one of them to, them to feed me grapes like this. Grimmins, what have we been charged with? Okay, more relevant question.

What haven't you bloody been charged with? Am I right? You're fucked. You didn't give back the arrow. Oh boy, big mistake there. You killed them. That's probably in the top five. You didn't take your shoes off when you went into battle.

I gotta tell you, I've been reading these bloody guys' laws. It's kooky shit. The good news, though, is that I'm a bloody hotshot lawyer. Is it my first case? Sure. Do I have a 100% no losing record? Absolutely. Gribbets, which law school did you go to? Oh, well, interesting.

Because when you actually... It really isn't. If you translate, I did an arts, it's kind of arts, but Hobgold, I didn't go to a university. Okay, so are you a registered lawyer in arts. It's kind of arts, but in Hobgoblin, I didn't go to a university. Okay. So, are you a registered lawyer, or are you just some guy who's hanging out of the courts? I'm your best bloody chance. Alright.

You just learned yourself not getting killed. Alright. Gribbets does not have very long to brief you, because the trial is about to start. You can already see other Hobgoblins who seem to be in the same kind of filthy dress clothes that Gribbets is in congregating in the other side

and talking to who you can only assume is the kind of maybe bandit captain slash chief justice of this camp. What does he sound like, Ben? This is the guy. This is Frisco. So while

Gribbets is like, okay, I've got to tell you, you just hear this, I'm the bloody Goblin King! I'm the bloody Hobgoblin King! And I bloody love it! And then he bangs a gong. Is this a talent show,

perhaps? And he goes, who's ready for some bloody justice? Has he got those glass bowls that he can move around his hands and fly around? And he goes, that's a stereotype. Frisco is massive and has possibly never left his chair, or at least hasn't left his chair for years. He's huge, bulbous. Yeah, quite, but he's, you know, keep it to yourself.

Does he poop in his chair? Might be, sorry. How does he poop? There's a bloody hole in the chair. So it's a toilet. It's not so much a throne, it's a toilet. It's a combination throne, palanquin and toilet, yes. That's what happens if you lose the case.

What, you get pooped on? Let's just do that. Maybe I'm into it. Gribbets very quickly tries to explain to you as best as he can how he's going to approach your defence and how the trial's going to play out. OK, guys, here's the go with Hobgoblins. OK, you're going to be asked to nominate a champion

and you're going to be asked to nominate a champion and you're going to be asked to nominate a strength. And I've managed to completely bargain that from death. It was originally just going to be death and now you get to choose. So they're going to go strength, they're going to go courage, and

they're going to go cunning. Smart, yeah, cunning. Yeah. So we have to pick one of those to elect a champion. And a champion, okay? And look, that's me done. That's, you're done. I'm fucking done. All right, I'm electing, Gribbets is our champion.

Miss Second, he's very smart. If you can convince him, Gribbets is... No, hang on, I mean like Gribbets actually goes like, hang on, and then looks through the book, and then... Show me where it says in the book that we can't elect our lawyer the champion. And then he looks up at the goblin,

Hobgoblin King, and the Goblin King's like, this is bloody great. It'll be the little guy. And then Gribbets is like, frantically being like, no, just give me a moment moment and he can't find anything and I'm like this just like in me favorite movie Babe with no rule book to say that pig can't be in sheep herding competition which was like a play that toured from town to town, I guess. Starring actual pig. The story of Babe was actually just a bard with a pig under his arm who went to town.

Okay, so Frisco accepts your challenger. This will be bloody great. And then can we just elect for Gribbets to be the cunning one? You might have to ask Gribbets. Oh, God. Gribbets, you're a lawyer. I think you're pretty cunning. So I think we should put Gribbets to be the cunning one? You might have to ask Gribbets. Oh, God. Gribbets, you're a lawyer. I think you're pretty cunning. So I think we should put Gribbets in the trial of cunning. Frisco claps his hands three times

before Gribbets can say anything. Good job! And says, so it is decided, the trial shall be cunning. Hobgoblin law dictates that cunning is Do you want to explain the trial He's doing all that while sitting on a toilet as well I He's doing all that while sitting on a toilet as well.

I just, I mean, we're going to go with this, but I feel like they've orchestrated a situation, Ben, so that now we're playing... Orc-estrated? Go on, Dave. I just feel like you've created a situation now where me and Ben have to play Dungeons & Dragons against each other. Which is fine. We'll be cheering from the sidelines, don't worry. Yeah, all right.

Go, Gribbets! Gribbets, Gribbets, he's so cunning. Okay, so the trial of cunning. As you see, six pies are brought out... LAUGHTER..on wooden boards. And Frisco says, as ancient hobgoblin lore dictates, the three pies exist. One is full of what we call frugiu,

which, as I'm sure Filge knows, is like... Delicious. Well, like the spirit of Ipecac, really. Makes you vomit. It's delicious. Had many. The other is a tasty warg meat pie

and the other one has a dagger in it and... Also delicious. Be crunchy. So you have to eat the pies as quickly as you can and when you get to the dagger, the first hobgoblin to stab the other one wins as ancient law dictates. Frisco claps his hands three times

and Gribbets is led to the pie as he turns to look at you and says, I just... We believe in you, Gribbets. Get the pie. I'm not even a lawyer, guys. This was pro bono.

I just heard they were going to kill you and thought, that seems unfair. And so I decided to come down and explain to you. You know what? It looks like you've done more damage than good, so now's the time for you to redeem yourself, you bloody fake lawyer. Whilst all this is going on, I lean over to Bobby Pancakes and say,

you know, you're a little guy and you look pretty nimble. Are you able to escape out of them ropes and maybe do a flip? Yeah. For show? Is flips one of the trials, Dave? Yeah, there was also the trial of mad flips. You could absolutely try. I think you've got plus five acrobatics.

So why don't you try and see if you can break your way out. These are pretty bad ropes, so I'll say DC 15. 20. Natural 20! While Gribbets is complaining that it's not his day to die, you managed to slip your hands free. Nobody has noticed yet, but it depends what you do from here. I stealthily...

What order are we sitting in? So it's Filge sitting on her little god plinth, followed by Friezo, then you, then Kithesee, and you're all sitting on the left side of a courtroom. Okay. And obviously Gribb on the left side of a courtroom. Okay. And obviously Gribbets is in front of you crying. While he's sobbing loudly, I slip behind Kithasi and untie her bindings. Great.

Now that's going to be a sleight of hand so that nobody notices. So can you do it again? Also DC 15. That's a 15 Is that 15? 15? All right, you just make it. So you start to untie. You realise your hands are being untied

and you two, your hands are free as well. But you're still sitting down in the chairs. Yep. Yep. Now at this point, a drum starts to beat. First slow and then getting faster and two bugbears come with aprons which they ceremoniously

tie. Sorry, sorry, sorry. What's a bugbear? Aren't they metaphors? It's, um... They're bugs that are bears. Imagine a bug crossed with a bear. I like to maintain that nobody who plays Dungeons and Dragons really knows what a bugbear is. Right. So these are like

just our deepest fears or annoyances. They're like bigger goblins, but they're not, they're like. It's like a bear with bee wings and little antenna. Aw, cute. Okay. That's nice. That's what they are. Okay. So they come with aprons. They come with aprons, which they begin to tie around

Gribbets' neck and then around the neck of the biggest hobgoblin, the hungriest hobgoblin, the stabbiest hobgoblin that you've ever seen. Gribbets goes up to about his navel. And Frisco goes, It's only bloody Kevin! It's only bloody Kevin, Gribbets!

And Gribbets goes, Oh, God! Do Gribbets and Kevin know each other? Went to school together. Are you asking Frisco this? Yeah, I'm asking Gribbets. Gribbets, do you know Kevin? And Kevin goes, oh, my bloody mate, I used to be a share of you.

And Gribbets just cries some more. And then I, like, pick Gribbets up by the head and I, like, put him on my lap and I pat him and I say, Gribbets, if you die, you live forever with me in afterlife. And I give him a little kiss on the top of the head. And then I whisper, he think I hear God. And then I put him back down. And Gribbets wipes his head. The drum beats get louder and louder

and they get faster and faster into a singularity. And you realise that the eating competition is about to begin. So, are you guys doing anything or are you watching? For now, I'm just watching. Me enthralled. Me want to see how this plays out. So, Gribbets, there's six pies. Yep, three each.

Gribbets takes the middle one. All right, Gribbets takes a pie and I. Yep, three each. Gribbets takes the middle one. All right, Gribbets takes a pie. Can I get a six out of dice? Thank you. And he eats it. And immediately, Gribbets has taken one bite in and you see relief go over his face. And he goes, it's warg meat, it's warg meat.

I'm so happy. Nope, nope, it's the furutu. And just starts. Can I do a constitution saving throw? Yeah, absolutely. Someone should. Since we're essentially playing against each other. Yeah, go ahead.

Plus one. DC, 15. 18. Oh, Grimmets. Let's hear it for Grimmets. Are there any guards standing on the stage surrounding us? There are probably... I mean, there's like 30 Hobgoblins

and they all tend to wear weapons and stuff watching. Okay, as they're wrapped watching... Is there a foreman? What's that? Is there a Hobgoblin foreman? That's not what I was going to ask, but is there? You better believe there is. What does he sound like?

Is there a Hobgoblin stenographer with like a little... There's a kobold stenographer? With like a little tie. There's a kobold stenographer. While everyone is wrapped watching the pie eating contest, I slip to behind the nearest guard and lift his weapon off him. Oh, okay. Wow. Well, that's going to be harder than what you were doing.

So you're actually trying to grab something from somebody. Sleight of hand? Yeah, sleight of hand, but this time it's going to be DC 20. Oh. You rolled a nine. So while Gribbets is doing his best to win your freedom for you, suddenly one of them looks at you, and through its stupid face, it suddenly realizes what you're doing.

You've got a second to act before it probably... I tie shoelaces together. One second to act. That's your... Yeah. Okay. Okay. Well, I suppose that that is a sleight of hand maneuver again. DC 20.

Oh, no. 12. You scramble. So he looks at you confused and is about to raise the alarm when he notices that you start tugging his boots, which confuses him just long enough that instead of calling out for help, he instead asks, what are you doing? Your boot was untied, mate. I was just tying it up for help. He instead asks what are you doing? Your boot

was untied, mate. I was just tying it up for you. I would hate for you to trip. And whilst Bobby Pancakes is distracting, I stand up and punch the dude in the face. You don't have your weapon on you, so it's going to be a d4 for your attack roll plus your strength for you when you do damage.

But go ahead and roll to attack. 18. That'll hit him. And for how much damage? Seven. Seven. You knock him off the dice, this consternation, as he falls into the crowd. You guys, I think we're about to get back into combat.

I rushed to freeze and when I saw him. Okay, roll for initiative, everyone, really quickly. Hang on, does Gribbons get initiative? Yes, Gribbons. You can roll for initiative. Hang on, does Gribbons have a one in two chance of getting a dagger pie now? He has one. The other one probably ate a pie and will say he didn't get a dagger,

so he's got a one in four chance. No, isn't there only three pies? Three pies each. He ate one. Oh, you're right. One in two chance of getting a dagger pie. He probably knows where the dagger is. You just keep that in your little boots for now.

And quickly, can I just have... Fifteen. Fifteen, thank you. Seventeen. Thank you. Eleven for Friso. Ten. And all right.

Great. Okay, so now just to quickly remind you guys, you're at the top of the dais. Two of you are untied. One of you isn't. There is another guard on top of the dais, which is about 10 feet from the ground. There are lots of hobgoblins around the camp watching,

probably because they're making a lot of noise and the drums are deafening. Not all of them have yet noticed what is happening. There's a campfire. There is Frisco, who is just bloody loving it. And then there is Gribbets standing next to two pies with Fruju all over his face. So the first one up is Simon.

What do you do? I run to one of the pies and plunge my hand in to see if I can find it. See if there's a dagger inside. Can you do that? And so as you run, Gribbets is like, hey, super quickly, if you're going to take a dagger, could you take it from the other one?

Too late, this is closer. You dive in, you have a 50% chance of picking the right pie. The other pie... Oh, it's a two. Do you know what? I'm going to give because this is such a great idea. Sorry, which is the right pie?

The one with the dagger or the one without? Because if it's the one without, you haven't stabbed yourself. I'm allowed to actually, and I'm going to do this retroactively, give Grant inspiration for excellent ideas and give you advantage. So I'm going to give you advantage. You have one more roll. If you can roll 11 or higher, then you have found a dagger. Nope.

Your hand is covered in wolf meat. Excellent. That gets everybody's attention. Alex, over to you. But can I just say that he has now a pie stuck on his hand? Oh, sorry. Other pies in pans. Yeah, yes.

One thing for damage. Improvised weapons. Very good. Alex, quickly, what do you do? I go into a rage. I'm angry. Yep. Because my friend hurt his knuckles on a pie pan.

That's the weirdest reason to be angry, but okay. And Crippins is like, hey, we're super going to die, by the way. That didn't set anything off. No? Okay, cool. It's his first day on the job. So I'm entering into a rage and I'm heading straight for the goblin. You charge at the goblin king. What are you trying to do? Pin him? Punch him?

Hey I'm on the bloody toilet! G20. And I roll a... Natural 20. A natural 20. That's great. That is... I'm impressed. Natural 20. That's great.

That is... I'm impressed. Alright, you roll a 20. So you manage to charge up to the dais and grab his head in your hands and pull his entire chair back, which breaks the seal on its built-in latrine. Oh, look out for all me bloody shit! And you pull him back so that the giant ritual fire is burning on either side.

He's up against the fires. What do you do? You've got him pinned. I like, you worship me now! Me, I'm your king! The king is dead! I'm on it! Um, Grivets is the king of the world. Me only a king! The king is dead! Oh ho!

Um, Gribbets is their hobgoblin legal precedent for this kind of... Um, is this how... Who's asking you this? I know that Chief Justices have tenure, but yeah, what does Gribbets say? Gribbets is like, oh none none of you can read. Yeah, that's legit. Gribbets, Gribbets, Gribbets, Gribbets. All right. So under, I guess, Hobgoblin law, you're now the Chief Justice?

Yeah. And you have to, and then Gribbets is like, okay, well, I guess the trial continues. Everybody is looking at you, Filge, and they're waiting, they're hanging on your words. No one can really talk yet. Everyone needs to know what Filge's response to this new power is. I say. No one, you're all, you're tied to a chair.

Grimmits is like, well well what should we do with the prisoners Filch? I'm like me want to see how this plays out. Thank you. The Dragon Friends is DM'd by David Harmon with music by Benny Davis. I play the NPCs.

Our cast is Alex Lee, Michael Hing and Simon Greiner. Our special guest this episode is Jordan Raskopoulos. You can rate and review this show on iTunes. It helps us a bunch. Thanks for listening.