Dragon Friends - #1.05. Wagon Dragons with Jordan Raskopoulos

Episode Date: September 8, 2015

Our adventurers escape the hobgoblin camp and try to get to Waterdeep. Freezo lies about being a doctor, Bobby doesn't want to use his good lock picking set, and Kithercy makes some unconvincing bird noises. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As glory's just beginning, our adventure never ends. The saga of the heroes that they call the Dragon Friends. A lot can happen in a day or two. Two days ago you were just a trio of failed adventurers, wasting time in a scar-themed tavern in Daggerford. Now you're on the run for a murder you didn't commit, being chased by the Duke's men and a grand inquisitor to boot. In Daggerford, we met Kithasi Galantara, a paladin who offered to escort you the two-day

ride to Waterdeep, and you're on your way to the city and hopefully safety. Now since then, things have taken a turn for the worse, and you've found yourselves trapped by a surprisingly litigious Hobgoblin camp, being tried for a murder that you didn't... for a murder that you did commit, and a whole slew of new crimes that you don't really understand. Big on crime, this group. Big on crime. The camp-appointed lawyer, Gribbets, has explained that things looked a lot better for you

once Filge accidentally got herself appointed Hobgoblin Chief Justice, but things never go simply, and responding to some ancient orcish instinct, Filge has decided to let the trial continue, and for the rest of the day, you find yourselves subjected to a barrage of strange and humiliating Hobgoblin customs

in order to prove your innocence. Which one's the worst one? Or the strangest? Probably the trial of exploding pies wasn't very good. Hang on, are they all pie-based? It's a pie-based system of justice. But the different meanings of the word pie, so the next one evolves like circles and radiuses and circumferences.

There's just two tests. Oh, really? The third one, you have to read a book by Yann Martel. The tiger was CGI. By the end of the day, you are all exhausted, angry, and thoroughly covered in pie and goblin sick. Filge retires to her inauguration party and is led off on a palanquin carried by bugbears while you are left to face her judgment, read out by a goblin foreman.

So we actually asked Alex to write Filge's judgment for us. Mr. Goblin Foreman, will you please read it? So the Foreman Goblin takes the stand and goes, Filge forget who is baddie, bean eat many grapes. Filge sentence Bobby and Frizzo to death and then has crossed out death and written community service in a hobgob nursing home signed filled the merciful as she's led off to her party where the grapes and Festivities await you are in turn led back to a small

Empty filthy hut where the door is locked behind you in order to sleep, to wait for the justice team to take you away to the nursing community where you will presumably live out your days and to ask yourselves the question of why you ever made friends with a half-orc in the first place. And for some reason,

Gribbets is locked in with you. Guys, gotta say, this does not feel fair. Should we just go with this and go to the nursing home and live out our days there helping out the old and the sick well yeah so long as we come back every month and record the podcast of us like bedpans guys the thing is old people have like heaps of wisdom so let's take the opportunity to learn a thing or two. Let me just fact check that. Oh, untrue.

How thin are the walls of the hovel? The hovel is basically made of rough slatted wood held together by mud and dung. All right. There's a... Just like shoulder to shoulder. Lean on it. There's the door. It was not barred.

It actually has a lock in it. And inside there's just some straw. I'm going to use a piece of straw to unpick that dumb lock. You still have your lockpicking tools, but you're... The thing is, I don't need them. I'm a picket with a piece of straw. All right, okay. Well, that is a nice lockpicking roll with disadvantage.

So take two dice. And the lowest number is the success. Eight. And? Four. An eight and a four. All right, you break the piece of straw. I use my lockpicks. All right.

It's just one roll this time. One roll. 17. 17. Congratulations. You fiddle with it for a little bit and when the straw breaks, I think you try to cover it by making it look like you were just gauging the depth or something. Yeah, I totally was.

And then you hear the click that means that you know that the lock has opened, and the door swings slightly ajar. All right, we need to get our weapons, I think. I peek out and see if I can see our weapons. Okay, make a perception check for me because it's night This is a medium. So DC 15 16 congratulations, so

Just outside you can see two hobgoblins each with a flag in of some kind of mushroom beer Having an animated argument with each other in the shadows behind them You can see the shape of what you think is Kithisi's wagon. Alright, well, what other shapes could that be? I just, the way you said that, it sounded like, oh, it looks like

Kithisi's wagon, but it's actually a wagon dragon. You idiot. You got eaten by a wagon dragon. It could be a wagon dragon. Rookie fucking error, mate. Rookie error. Run in the opposite direction. You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You idiot! You Is there a wagon attached to the horse? No, there are no horses. There's just a wagon shaped... It's either a wagon or it's a sleeping wagon dragon. You can't tell. Is it a wagon dragon led by horses? There are no horses.

All right, let's get a horse then. Are there horses nearby? Can I whistle? Because apparently in all these sorts of role-playing things, if you whistle right, a horse just appears. Also, can't you speak to horses? Actually, they were Kithese's horses. I did train them to do that.

So I'm doing a whistle check. That's going to be a perform. That's a charisma check. 14. Okay, you make a high-pierced whistle noise and two things happen. First of all, you notice that no horses

stir in the wagon shape and secondly, one of the hobgoblins says, Oh, you notice that no horses stir in the wagon shape. And secondly, one of the hobgoblins says... Uh, what's that? What was that noise? I'm going to do another whistle, like a bird, more of a bird whistle, to cover the previous whistle. So the hobgoblin's going... I'll roll and I'll tell you how the whistle sounds.

OK. So... Vah! Vah! I'll roll and I'll tell you how the whistle sounds. Okay. So. Ah! Ah! Ah! It was a six. So one hobgoblin, the hobgoblin that said, hey, what was that? The other one says. I think you should be rolling in a post-perceptionlin that said, hey, what was that? The other one says...

I think you should be rolling an opposed perception check. Well, actually, I'm going to use their passive perception, which is just a flat 10. So unfortunately... You heard the bird. They got an 18. Well, that was a passive perception check, so... But you've nailed that passive perception, Ben.

Well, that was a passive perception check, so... But you've nailed that passive perception, Ben. They said the hobgoblins spin around. They're both drunk, trying to focus at the hazy shapes behind them, and for a second, they seem confused. One of them... They're like, is that a wagon or a wagon dragon? Is that a bird or a whistle, man? I don't know. I'm in so much trouble.

All right. Do we ever hear them say that they're in trouble? No, this is Kithese's moment. So, Kithese, what's your response? Look, I think what I need to do is convince them a little more that I'm a bird. So, I'm going to hastily grab whatever kind of... Yeah, some straw. Some straw.

Sort of stuff it down my bodice. Of course. Grab some sticks with leaves on the end to make wings. Just pout my lips out real hard and just flap. Okay, I'm just going to stop you. I think I've got the gist of what you're saying now. Just to... Impersonating a bird.

So we can all enjoy the stats. At this point, the Dungeon Master has to set a difficulty check. So how difficult is it for... Charisma 15, mate. But how difficult is it... And the Hobgoblins are drunk. The Hobgoblins are drunk. I'm going to say it's very hard.

Also, you're a plus seven bird, Mark. That's not true. He says it right here. So I'm going to say that is a DC 25. I'm going to give you advantage because they are drunk, so you get two dice in the highest roll. Yeah, on a 20-sided dice

plus two, needing to beat 25. And he does it! Nine. Alright. One of the Hobgoblins pitying you stops you as you're scrabbling for straw. And he does it Nine Alright One of the hobgoblins pitting you Stops you as you're scrabbling for straw Hey I know you're not a bird Hey we were just going to let

See how this plays out Clive wanted to Clive was like Let's just see what she does next Let's see if she makes some more stupid And I was like Nah fair cop You're not a bird

and i felt like i needed to tell you that i wanted to be a doctor you know and you know what making a little stethoscope out of straw hey how old are you oh i'm i'm 18. it's not too late for you to be a doctor. Yeah. What? I always thought that if I wasn't a doctor by 18, then that's it for me. No, Clive says, stop it. She's trying to use her ways on you. Clive, you can, you know what? You can bloody get fucked.

Yeah. You know, you could, just two more years, you could go back to university and mature age student. You don't have to worry about your, you know, your entrance exam marks. Do you want to be a doctor or not? Oh yeah, ever since I was a little boy. What are your marks like in school?

This is Doctor Wizard. Oh, a real life doctor? Yeah. Nobody uses magic to turn you into a doctor. Ask me anything, I'm a real doctor. Oh gosh, well you think if I went to doctor school I could into a doctor? Ask me anything. I'm a real doctor. Oh, gosh. Well, you think if I went to doctor school,

I could become a doctor? Well, you've got to work very hard to be a doctor like me. Oh, boy. I used to study all the time, and I certainly... I've got this rash. And then he pulls up. The only thing that'll solve that is this knife. Oh, sorry. That knife.

Can I borrow your knife? Dave! I think that this is perhaps a persuasion check, Friso. Alright. I don't know, I'm not meant to give him a knife to anybody. I'm going to call this a moderate check of DC 15 because it's a very stupid Hobgoblin. Alright, well I'm just saying charisma plus 3.

Yeah, beat 15. 8 plus 3, 11. I do not beat 15. I'm going to keep my 9, I think, actually. Clive, sorry about chatting you before. Just get a little bit cross when you interrupt. Clive says, you know what, maybe, and I know I'm wasted, but maybe we should go and get someone

and see if this is okay. Before you do that, why don't you get our weapons for us? Because they're like doctor's weapons and I could show you how to use them. That sounds pretty good, actually. That sounds pretty good, Clive. Yeah, they're tools for doctoring.

Why don't you guys go check out that wagon-shaped object over there and see what it is? Okay, their suspicion is already aroused. So if this doesn't succeed, I'm afraid that they're going to start thinking pretty badly of you. But it's DC 15 and you can take it, Kid to see, because this was your idea.

A persuasion check. I got plus five to persuasion. She has rolled a two. With my plus five, that's a seven. Mate, you're not a bird You can't have my knife And I don't even reckon this wizard counts a doctor Like I said, ask me anything Ask me anything

No, this is bullshit He starts to draw his sword Yeah, and the other one gets out a bell And goes to ring the bell I make the sound of a bird to disguise the sound of the bell that he's holding. I make the sound of a bird to disguise the sound of the bell. Okay, we are going to go into initiative order. These hobgoblins, stupid that they be

and not as stupid as you think they are. So, I'm gonna do this, I've actually pre-done initiative. So, first one up is Bobby, what do you do? I tie their shoelaces together. You're behind the door, behind Friso, and behind Kithisee, just so you're aware. I tie their shoes, don't tie my shoes together. Good idea, shut the door, let's do that.

Let's start with that. All right, thanks. Okay, so Bobby slams the door shut. Freezer, you're next. I say, it was all Gribbets' idea. Gribbets? Why'd you bloody tell us to do that for? Bloody Gribbets?

Gribbets, you're next. Gribbets is like, to be honest, I forgot I was here. But for the record, Clive and James, Clive James they call them as a duo. For the record, guys, not really with these people. So I'm just going to be in here with my hay and see you around, banana peel. Next are the hobgoblins. First of all, one of the hobgoblins starts ringing a bell as loud as they can while taking a step back

away from you and drawing a sword with their free hand. The other Hobgoblin wrenches the door open. Give me a minute, I've got to look for a bell. We just edited it in. I can do a bell. You rolled a six again. Kithacy, are you trying to keep the door closed?

No, what I'm going to do is cast Cure Wounds to cure his rash and prove that I'm a doctor. I'm going to allow that. Now, the way we're going to do this is because you're lunging forward speaking in an eldritch tongue while trying to touch him. So he may assume the worst. So I want you to make a melee touch attack. So roll your attack dice. And you want to beat the armor class, which is a measly 14. Because we're just doing touch.

11. Did you add your... I did. I know how to play this game. You lunge forward with your hand, magic all a flitter, and as you go to touch, he steps back and you accidentally

hit your own knee, which feels great now, I suppose. But that takes up a spell slot. The next up is Bobby again. No, kill the seeds. You'll go. That was your attack of opportunity. Oh, right.

I'll punch him. For the next one. Can I use my other spell slot to do Divine Smite? I don't see why not. It could explode his head. Here we go. That connects. So it does an extra

2d8 radiant damage plus my basic unarmed damage. Oh wow, okay. So tell me what that is. So 12 damage. 12 damage. His face explodes. And he doesn't think you're a doctor anymore. I panicked! I panicked!

Alright. I love that that I panicked! All right. I love that that played out in real time. That was Keith being like, wait, I got this. Bazaar, no. Bleh! Oh, I cure your head, but I'm out of spell slots. So is James dead now? Was his name James?

His name's James. Don't give him a name now that he's dead. The one that wanted to be a doctor more than anything? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's dead. All right, so all that's left is Clive. Bobby, it's your go. Come out, open the door, I say Clive.

Mate, do you want your head exploded? You go to the guardhouse and you say there was an accidental ring of the bell. Or this lady right here, this nice lady, will explode your head. Okay, make an intimidate check. This is with advantage because you outnumber him. And that guy's head just exploded. You want to beat only DC 10. Beat it.

Beat it. All right, very nice. Yeah, that sounds like a really good idea, actually. I reckon I'll do that. Have a great evening, guys. See ya. Does he walk past the wagon-shaped object? Yes, he does, which doesn't come to life in Eden.

Guys, we're safe. I think we're cool. I think we should go to the wagon and grab our stuff and get out of here. Okay. Clive walks away unsteadily, partly because of the effects of the mushroom beer and partly because his best friend just died. Can't believe the last thing he said to me was that I was a fuckwit. As you approach, you see that it is indeed Kithese's wagon.

It has some of the rations and the untied down sort of, you know, food and clothing that Kithisee had has been ransacked. It looks like the lockbox is still there and there's still a top. It's fast, firmly secured at the back, which is where all of your gear was. So it looks pretty legit. There are no horses, however, and it's a big heavy thing and it's just sitting there. So I think we just take our gear because I run yeah probably run yeah I need some time to put my armor on but apart from that we can all right well we're leaving her

behind I'll grab my I'll grab my stuff come on let's go we're all grabbing our own stuff yeah because Benny you on the phone. Sorry, I've got a pizza on the way. No, no, that's legit. It's a classic Dungeons and Dragons move. I hope you added Mountain Dew. Are you serious? Well, we didn't have time to get a full show.

See, you know, the most disappointing thing about that exchange is that he was off mic, so it won't be part of the podcast. Yeah, we can proceed with that. All right, so we escape. We're running away. OK, we'll actually... Blinky Blonk, Blinky Blonk. All right, so... Now that's a bird. Yeah.

From inside the can here, Clive would be like, is that a bird? You start rummaging around inside the... in the dark inside the wagon, and I want all of you actually to very quickly for me make a perception check DC 10

tell me if anyone fails I fail 17 yo Bobby as you were rummaging around you suddenly realise and you were about to say no wait I think there's a hobgoblin sleeping in here when the two of them just sort of grab the tarp and just knock it aside.

Inside, there's a sleeping hobgoblin. Go to sleep, little gob. Dream of dreams that are sleepy. Don't wake up. Please don't wake up. Please don't wake up. Please don't wake up. Does that work, Dave?

I've got a plus 19 in singing. Did you just call him a little gob? I don't think you're allowed to. That's a very offensive term in the Hobgoblin world, I would think. The Hobgoblin does not respond. I do have a plus 5 in performance. It does not respond to non-magical singing as a means of falling asleep.

But it's completely confused. It's obviously off its face and it doesn't know what's happening. As you continue to grab your armour and weapons around, it just sort of mutters. Hey, mate. This is a dream you're having. I'm all of your ex-girlfriends. You're at school doing a test but you're naked and didn't study of your ex-girlfriends. You're at school doing a test but you're naked and didn't study.

The dream starts going bad. There's so many birds. And the hot goblin just sort of like grabs the top and wraps. That was a 19 for performance? Yeah. Was it? Yeah, you've terrified him.

Congratulations. Okay, well the goblin whimpers and remembers failed dates from goblin high school. That's my favourite TV show, by the way. It's actually Chad Apatow's first. Oh, yeah, right. You guys managed to grab your gear. Now, it's the middle of the night.

The bells have been ringing, but to be honest, the camp doesn't sound... It's very hard to tell the difference between a hobgoblin camp that is rousing because people are breaking out and a Hobgoblin camp that's having a Chief Justice inauguration party. It's just loud and people are ringing shit

and they're drinking. So you can't tell if you should be getting a hoof on, but you feel like probably you should. Getting a what on? A hoof on. We dress as horses and run. Get my hoof on! So you guys, you go. We're going. And as we're running away, I say, listen, Gribbets, about before.

And Gribbets is like, am I still here? Look, Gribbets, I'm very sorry that I did try to sell you out before, but I think you should come along with us. It'll be very fun. We could use a lawyer, and I think you should come. Do you know what, guys? When you put it like that, you can absolutely get fucked.

Alright, Gribbits. Well, now I'm going to threaten you, and if you don't come, we'll kill you. Okay, that's an intimidation check. Alright, and I roll a 16. Okay, I'm on the way. Oh, plus my charisma. That's a 19. Yeah, Gribbits is staying. Gribbits is hanging around.

Yep, I will come. Fun fact. Did you shit yourself? Who's leading the way through this? Everyone's looking at me. Yep. Kithesee. Okay, excellent.

So are you sneaking? Are you running? Kithesee does not sneak. She used the magnets in her head because she's a bird. Don't pay him any attention. It just gives him power. Yes, I lead the way. Swaggering.

All right. As you make your way towards the outskirts of the camp, you start seeing less and less tents that means that you're... Fewer and fewer tents. you start seeing less and less tense that means that you're... Fewer and fewer tense. Past tense? You know, he can just give you a heart attack, right? He can just do that.

He can just be like, you get a heart... Oh, see ya. And then I look in the distance and go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's too tense. Because there are two tense, but it's also got a bit uncomfortable. Yeah, so I guess all the tents... I got drunk before the show.

I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm trying to... Okay, so you make your way through the tents until you've gone past the tents. So they're in past tents now? Yeah, yeah. Perfect tents, imperfect tents, blue perfect tents. You all get heart attacks.

Passive tents. No, you make your way out through the camp and you're in luck. The hobgoblins as fastidious as they are in the law, they are shit at guarding a camp.

They're all sleeping and drunk. You manage to make your way to the road, and as the sun begins to rise, you realise that you have escaped and kidnapped a goblin lawyer, and everything is looking up. Congratulations for escaping from Daggerford and the hobgoblin camp of Frisco the Mad Judge, you all go up a level. So congratulations.

We all jump up into the air and freeze. And burn a spell slot. This is true. This is true. I haven't done this yet. So Kitha, so you started as a level two. But we are going to let you guys all level up at this point. So I've got new

character sheets for you all. Oh boy! You guys know what leveling up is, right? In Dungeons and Dragons? Sometimes we gain a level, yeah. These guys have. That didn't explain anything. Your leveling up is sometimes, it happens. It's like puberty. Leveling up is your

birthday. It's like your D&D birthday, you get a bunch of presents, and you a bunch of presents and you get erections. Yeah. And hair where there wasn't before. So, Bobby, can you just roll me an eight-sided dice quickly for your hit points? Four. Congratulations. All right, you now have 15 hit points.

Yes. Oh, my God. And you also have pizza. Did you order two pizzas for yourself? No, they're for sharing. There's like six of us. Six of us. I'm just going to ignore you.

You have 15 hit points and you now have new ability cunning action, which means that you can hide, you can dash, you can run away, all as a bonus action. So you've just become a little bit more mobile. I've been the most powerful coward in the world. If you choose to play it that way. Friso, can you roll a D8? I rolled a five.

All right, congratulations. You have 19 hit points now. And you, because you have reached level two as a warlock, we are going to take a little sidebar for a second and I want to know a little bit more about why you're a warlock. It's all I've ever known. Born that way. It's in my blood. I'd say it's

warlock blood that I've got in me. What was the question? Sorry, I forgot. You now are going to have to pick what your invocations are. Warlocks, the difference between warlocks and wizards is that they draw their power from a deal that they've made with a supernatural force Like a devil I can deal with the devil so I could be really good at guitar

You need to decide how much interest you're paying on this deal Doesn't need to be with the devil you could be with an ancient one It could be with the archfey for example or it could be with a devil or demon Alright I will choose because which of these is most likely to make me sick on guitar? Probably the devil. I will be, what was that? Cthulhu. Why should I go with Cthulhu?

If you want it to be. You are all very big fans of tentacles, and I suspect that given the crossover between D&D and anime, this is going to go to a very unsavory place. Yeah, a vagina. A vagina. This is going to go to a very unsavoury place. Yeah, a vagina. LAUGHTER

Um... Yeah, so... So I'll go with Cthulhu. Cthulhu, OK. Can Cthulhu live...? Does this make you a warlock that really likes True Detective? Yeah. All right, congratulations. So you have a deal with some ancient elder gods that slumber. You should think a little bit, and you can tell me maybe after the break,

about how you talked to them, how you can tell me maybe after the break, about how you talked to them, how you made this deal, because I'm interested. How about two cans and a piece of string? Does that work? It's a hell of a long piece of string. Yeah, it's a magical piece of string. It goes from here to the netherworld. All right, you have a can with a magical piece of string.

Basically, and I put it up to my ear to hear, and then I talk into it, and then they can hear. And then you hear voices in your head that tell you to kill people with witch bolts. Sure. Yeah. All right. Okay, let's not delve too deep into that mania. I'm happy with that.

All right. So you guys make your way towards the city of Waterdeep. This is where you're from, isn't it, Bobby? Yeah, man. Waterdeep is a super cool place, guys. I think you'll really like it. I'll take you to all my old haunts. There's a really cool strip tavern

that I used to go to. What was it called? It was called Wenches, Wenches, Wenches. Yeah, that's pretty much where I hung out. So we'll go there and see Tabitha. Tabitha? Yeah. She's like a sister to me.

Let's not delve too deep into that either. All right, so you guys find your way, and across the day you make your way towards the city gates. You're not anticipating too much trouble here. The city is famous for its open-door policy. It's a... Much like wenches, wenches, wenches. It's a melting pot of races. Much like wenches, wenches, wenches. It's a melting pot of races.

Much like wenches, wenches, wenches. Organisations and... Has its own spin-off board game. Yeah, has its own spin-off board game. Which you could buy from the people that support us, Good Game Australia, because I see them here tonight. Very well done. You arrive at the gates,

where you slot yourselves into a queue of people who are waiting to gain access to the city. And straight away, Bobby, something strikes you as strange. The normal, traditional, bored, lazy, inept grey cloaks of the Waterdeep City Watch are nowhere to be seen. Instead in their place at the gates, investigating wagons and turning people away, are two giant golden men. Constructs. Automata.

Are they Oscars? Are they Oscars? They look, to the untrained eye, they look a little bit like Oscars. Okay, cool. These giant metal men, which are, you know, something like... Guys, something's weird. There's not usually C-3PO's here. Do the robot dance. Do the robot dance. We'll just like... Right past them.

They're like eight feet tall as well. They're quite large. Right. I got the Imperial right this time. So are they inspecting wagons or something? They are fulfilling the role of the City Watch, but they're giant robots. That's a lot to spend on wagons.

You're very soon going to be at the front of the queue. Can we see if anyone is getting stopped for any reason or something? Yeah, the human in front of you seems to be getting through. There was a gnomish family of refugees before them who have been turned away, who got really angry but then moved away. That's all you've seen.

Well, we haven't done anything wrong that I can remember. No. So I guess we just go. Yeah, we haven't done anything wrong, I can remember. No. So I guess we just go. Yeah, we'll just play it cool. Do you want to hide under the horse blanket? No, because Bobby's from here. On each other's shoulders. So shouldn't Bobby just lead the way?

Yeah. You seem pretty confident, Bobby. Yeah, I'm cool. We'll just wait our turn, guys. You make your way to the front of the queue. Be cool. I'm cool. We'll just wait our turn, guys. You make your way to the front of the... Be cool! Everyone be cool! The front of the queue and Friso is only sweating perceptibly.

Everyone else is getting away with it. And the robot turns, the nearest robot turns and faces you and says Hello! Really? You describe them as robots? Hello! I presume these are warforged. Really? You describe them as robots? Hello. I presume these are warforged.

Greeting automaton. 101-1101. You are... Halfling detected. Bad. Sorry, you say Bobby the Halfling. I'm... What was that halfling's surname?

Bobby Pancakes. Shut up! Frizo says helpfully. Guys, it's Bobby Pancakes. The mouthy wizard elf cannot enter either. Only humans. Since when? Mason Lake.

Well, you will be getting a letter from our lawyer, right, Gribbets? I forgot I was here. Gribbets versus robot. Gribbets versus robot. It's an outrage. This is true, because... Come on, Gribbets. Actually Come on, Gribbets

Actually, yeah Gribbets is part of the Southlands Poverty Centre You know, for Yeah, okay Civil liberties Yep, okay Sure

Cool G'day Yeah You can't be going on a baton with clients And then he kind of leans in the robot and says, look, if you could just, like, my heart's really not in this. If you could just arrest all of these people.

And then the robot is like, non-human, and then backhands Gribbets. And Gribbets flies six feet back into the mud. That's how you do a bird. Ah! And Gribbets flies six feet back into the mud. That's how you do a bird. So at this point, Kithesee, being a human, says, may I pass?

No, certainly. Please enjoy this gift basket of seasonal fruits. Wait, Kithesee, where are you going? Well, I feel really bad. Like, one of my laws, law number two, is never lie or cheat cheat and I know, I know, I'm not actually a bird though and I know I had you guys convinced. I feel really bad about it so I'm going to do some penance and then I'm probably going to play 40k for a bit. And what is, pray tell, 40k?

It's a better game than this. Wait, is this Jordan talking or Kithesee? Is Kithesee going to like... No, Kithesee loves 40k. Right, is she going to like the old games workshop in Waterdeep or whatever? Which is actually a workshop. Right. So Kithesee, you're just leaving? Yeah.

I got him to the city. Fuck this. I'm going to fucking... I'm casting... you're just leaving? Yeah. I got him to the city. Fuck this. I'm going to fucking... I'm casting... What can I cast? Something. And as Kithisi enters through the gates, the robots turn on you and start pushing you back,

pushing you back. You have to decide what you do, and we will find out what the party does in the next adventure of Dragon Friends. Thank you very much. The Dragon Friends are Alex Lee, Michael Hing, and Simon Greiner in a DM by Dave Harmon with NPC voices by Ben Jenkins. Shakira Khan designs our website.

The podcast is mixed and edited by Ben and recorded live at Giant Dwarf Theatre with music and live accompaniment by Benny Davis. Our story's just beginning, our adventure never ends The saga of the heroes that they call the Dragon Friends